#To strangers about being bisexual when I'm in a straight relationship

[faultsofyouth]

Like gay sex is always gay sex and I wouldn't call it "Sapphic sex" or anything dumb like that but I have had a problem with calling myself and my relationship business gay for like a long time now

[plounce]

people can get really mad if you make a post about how you think a character, who has no canonical queer identity, is gay. and they will accuse you of being biphobic (the character is not canonically bisexual) because the character has had past m/f relationships in canon and therefore they conclude that the character, if they are queer, should be bi. which is a totally fine thing to headcanon. i am not saying you can't draw that conclusion and in fact i have drawn that conclusion for many characters, because i love to have fun. however people can get really mad if you say (on a post on your blog) "i like the idea that this character's past m/f relationships are a product of compulsory heterosexuality as a part of my headcanon that this character is gay, and this all gels with larger my personal interpretation of the character". and gay (homosexual) people do in fact often have histories of being in straight relationships for various personal reasons! i'm gay and i have my own personal history before i realized i was gay! it is a totally normal and not uncommon thing. gayness is not a threat to bisexuality, much like how bisexuality is not a threat to gayness.

i think that people can often become very defensive of their own headcanons for characters they like especially when it parallels their own personal identities. but also it truly is not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things if a post crosses into your field of vision and op has a trivial headcanon that you don't agree with. headcanons, by nature of being headcanons, can often peacefully coexist. because it is just blorbos. you need to stop accusing random strangers of crazy shit on their own posts. you need to. perhaps. scroll past. and make your own post.

[starlettescarlet]

no, Matty's not TTPD's muse - and neither is Joe

okay so in my previous post i said that i believe that taylor has a secret muse (or muses) she's been writing about and in this masterpost i'll further explain why.

alright so as many of you may have noticed, there are a few main themes in most of taylor's work: forbidden romances, being in love with your best friend - or someone so controversial that the world wouldn't accept, your parents wouldn't accept, you and your love being against the world, religious guilt - you know the stuff. i've always wondered why? because Taylor Swift the gorgeous gorgeous billionaire who's always been dating famous single men who's around her age (we're leaving Jack and John out here) - like why would her relationships would be so forbidden and unheard of and the world just turn against her if they knew? the obvious theory is, yeah because she's gay or at least bisexual. i think everyone has heard enough of this theory (and i think this is the theory that has the most evidence) but in this post i'm going to keep in neutral and try to explore it in a more broad way.

with the drop of TTPD, she put a face to this forbidden love - turns out it was Matty Healy all long. it was Matty whom she secretly dreamt about and it was Matty whom would make her fall from grace just to touch his face etcetera. i mean yeah, it could be - but honestly i feel like this doesn't hold enough evidence considering she had been writing about the same person before they even met (2014). that's why I think Matty is a red-herring (a clue or piece of information that is, or is intended to be, misleading or distracting). it holds even more evidence when she is the one who's been telling us that she lies and withholds informations from us if you've ever listened to her carefully. anyways i'm not good at summarising stuff, so i'll just share the examples (the files, if you will) and it's up to you to decide.

so Taylor wrote about forbidden love both in Fearless (Love Story) and Speak Now (Ours), but we won't get into much detail here considering she was still a kid so yep it makes sense her parents wouldn't let her date who she wants lmao.

file I. Red

"Put your lips close to mine As long as they don't touch"

i think the entirety of Treacherous is pretty self-explanatory. this was like 2-3 years before she met Matty.

file ii. 1989

"And you took a Polaroid of us Then discovered (Then discovered) The rest of the world was black and white But we were in screaming color"

the entirety of Out of the Woods explores the same old theme of your love being doomed from the beginning and it's you and your love against the world. this is supposed to about Harry Styles because of the bridge (Remember when you hit the brakes too soon?) (which I believe is an other red-herring) but I honestly do not understand why dating Harry Styles would feel like that lmao. "Baby, like we stood a chance / Two paper airplanes flying" i mean i don't know.

"Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds? Ooh, didn't it all seem new and exciting?"

"Too in love to think straight All alone, or so it seemed But there were strangers watching And whispers turned to talking And talking turned to screams, oh"

the same theme in Wonderland (which i believe sounds extremely queer, but like i said it's for you to decide)

"I cannot be your friend, so I pay the price of what I lost"

"Truth is, I can't pretend it's Platonic, it's just ended, so"

"One night, he wakes, strange look on his face Pauses, then says, "You're my best friend" And you knew what it was, he is in love"

themes of being in love with your best friend. i think it's self-explanatory.

"I had the fantasy that maybe our mismatched star signs Would surprise the whole school"

"When you told me we'd get back together"

"You don't knock anymore, and my whole life's ruined"

another theme is high school lovers. which is interesting because none of Taylor's exes that we know about weren't in the same school with her, or neither were her childhood friends. this theme will make a huge comeback in later albums.

file iii. reputation

this album is FUCKED. okay,

"Something happened for the first time In the darkest little paradise Shaking, pacing, I just need you"

"For you I would cross the line I would waste my time I would lose my mind They say, "She's gone too far this time."

"Halo, hiding my obsession I once was poison ivy, but now I'm your daisy"

reputation is mostly supposed to be about Joe Alwyn and again, i don't know what is it about Joe that would make her questions her faith like that.

"Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep"

?

"I, I loved you in secret First sight, yeah, we love without reason"

"Picture of your face in an invisible locket You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it I had a bad feeling"

"I, I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us So, baby, can we dance Oh, through an avalanche?"

"I'd kiss you as the lights went out Swaying as the room burned down I'd hold you as the water rushes in"

again i really don't remember her and Joe ever being this secret and forbidden and the public wouldn't let them be together if they ever knew but, okay.

"Our secret moments in a crowded room They got no idea about me and you"

"All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation My hands are shaking from holding back from you"

"I don't want you like a best friend"

"Inescapable, I'm not even gonna try And if I get burned, at least we were electrified"

"Everyone thinks that they know us But they know nothing about—"

TAYLOR WHAT'S GOING ON. alright we're moving on

file iv. Lover

"I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you And I snuck in through the garden gate Every night that summer just to seal my fate (Oh) And I scream, "For whatever it's worth I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

again there's this romance that is so forbidden and not meant to happen but she can't help it etcetera. doesn't scream Joe Alwyn to me.

"We were crazy to think Crazy to think that this could work Remember how I said I'd die for you? We were stupid to jump In the ocean separating us Remember how I'd fly to you?"

"They all warned us about times like this They say the road gets hard and you get lost When you're led by blind faith, blind faith"

"But we might just get away with it Religion's in your lips Even if it's a false god We'd still worship We might just get away with it The altar is my hips Even if it's a false god"

"I know heaven's a thing I go there when you touch me, honey"

"Make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness"

again what's going on that would make her question her faith like that.

"School bell rings, walk me home"

"20 questions, we tell the truth You've been stressed out lately, yeah, me too Something gave you the nerve To touch my hand"

"Church bells ring, carry me home Rice on the ground looks like snow Call my bluff, call you "Babe" Have my back, yeah, every day Feels like home, stay in bed The whole weekend"

again being in love with your best friend and they get married at the end. honestly i just believe this is gay.

file v. Folklore

"I persist and resist the temptation to ask you If one thing had been different Would everything be different today?"

"In my defense, I have none For digging up the grave another time"

the entirety of The One is just about still thinking about your ex love. this theme will make a huge comeback in TTPD.

"I knew you Tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy"

again she's reminiscing about her ex love. keep the Peter & Wendy theme in the back of your mind.

"You know I didn't want to Have to haunt you But what a ghostly scene You wear the same jewels That I gave you As you bury me"

another theme is ghosts, death and burials. also keep this one in mind.

"I still got love for you Your braids like a pattern Love you to the moon and to Saturn Passed down like folk songs The love lasts so long"

another childhood love song. it could be interpreted as platonic, but it sounds romantic to me. idk.

"Back when we were still changing for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all"

"Cause you weren't mine to lose You weren't mine to lose"

she's still reminiscing about "The One" but here it also overlaps with the high school love muse. this is going to make more sense in Evermore.

"And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings And longing stares It's born from just one single glance But it dies and it dies and it dies"

i mean i don't think an explanation for Illicit Affairs is needed. here comes a new theme, the one whom she's having a forbidden affair turns out to be married.

"You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else"

"You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else"

kinda screams Out of the Woods to me.

"My twisted knife My sleepless night My winless fight This has frozen my ground"

"You know I left a part of me back in New York You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for"

"You knew you won, so what's the point of keeping score?"

again this is supposed to be about Joe (the references to "blue", him being a pisces and having mental issues) but it really doesn't sound like it - i mean not in the narrative we know about.

"Take me to the Lakes where all the poets went to die I don't belong and, my beloved, neither do you"

"While I bathe in cliffside pools With my calamitous love and insurmountable grief"

again the feeling of being misunderstood by the whole public and she defines Joe as her "calamitous" (catastrophic) love. hmm.

file vi. evermore

"Every bait-and-switch was a work of art"

bait-and-switch in literature is explained as: "This occurs when the author guides and encourages readers to invest their attention in some suspenseful situation but then is substitute for a payoff that has little to do with what occurred before."

"So we could call it even You could call me "babe" for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm staying at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you and my hometown"

"I parked my car Right between the Methodist and the school that used to be ours"

"So I'll go back to LA And the so-called friends who'll write books about me if I ever make it And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm faking"

again the high school love.

"There'll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you"

reminiscing The One again.

"Hey Dorothea Do you ever stop and think about me? When we were younger Down in the park Honey, making a lark of the misery"

this is the childhood friend muse we've seen before in It's Nice to Have a Friend and Seven (even in Mary's Song).

"And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island wondering where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go"

"Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care? 'Cause we were like the mall before the Internet It was the one place to be The mischief, the gift wrapped suburban dreams"

this kind of sounds to me like the muse in 'tis the Damn Season. it is clear that this was someone from her teenage years, could be the high school love. also a reference to Suburban Legends.

"Oh, goddamn My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Taking mine, but it's been promised to another"

the married muse.

"And the old widow goes to the stone every day But I don't, I just sit here and wait Grieving for the living"

"I wish to know The fatal flaw that makes you long to be Magnificently cursed"

the same cemetery and being haunted theme.

"It's been a long time And seeing the shape of your name Still spells out pain"

"I know I'm just a Wrinkle in your new life Staying "friends" Would iron it out so nice"

she's still reminiscing about her ex love and also a reference to being friends.

"Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt"

right where you left me is like the song that has all the theories combined lmao. there's not getting over The One, there's her love getting married to someone else (Glass shattere on the white cloth / I'm sure that you got a wife out there / Kids and Christmas but I'm unaware cause I'm right where you left me), there's being haunted, there's queerness (Hairpin drop) - there's literally everything.

file vii. Midnights

"Laughing with my feet in your lap Like you were my closest friend"

the best friend theme and honestly i think this is just gay.

"'Cause I don't remember who I was before you Painted all my nights A color I have searched for since"

feels like a direct reference to Out of the Woods and, illicit affairs maybe?

"Oh, my, love is a lie Shit my friends say to get me by It hits different It hits different this time"

another breakup song that was written when she was with Joe.

"I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost"

the Kens will make a comeback in TTPD.

"I find the artifacts, cried over a hat Cursed the space that I needed I trace the evidence, make it make some sense"

"artifacts" and "evidence" will also make a come back later.

"Bet I could still melt your world Argumentative, antithetical dream girl"

honestly i think this is just gay.

"Is it okay? Is it you? Or have they come to take me away? To take me away"

another reference to being locked up in an asylum lmao.

"We can plant a memory garden Say a solemn prayer Place a poppy in my hair"

another reference to graveyards and also battles, which comes back in You're Losing Me.

"Privacy sign on the door And on my page and on the whole world Romance is not dead if you keep it just yours"

keeping your love hidden which she didn't lmao

"I wanna transport you To somewhere the culture's clever Confess my truth In swooping, sloping, cursive letters"

she needs to take her love to somewhere the culture's clever so they could be... understood? i mean i wonder why... why would she need to confess her truth about Joe

"High infidelity Put on your records and regret me"

"Do you really want to know where I was April 29th? Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?"

she's just cheating

"I'd pay, if you'd just know me"

another reference to taylor feeling like she's not being understood

"We were supposed to be just friends You don't live in my part of town but maybe I'll see you out some weekend"

friends alert

"Dear reader, if it feels like a trap You're already in one"

"Dear reader, burn all the files Desert all your past lives And if you don't recognize yourself That means you did it right"

"Never take advice from someone who's falling apart"

"Dear reader, you don't have to answer Just 'cause they asked you"

"Dear reader, the greatest of luxuries is your secrets"

i think Dear Reader is the song that made the making of TTPD possible because this is like the first song she directly confesses that her life is not what it seems and she keeps things hidden

"I prefer hiding in plain sight"

"Spilling out to you for free But darling, darling, please You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking If you knew where I was walking To a house, not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there"

she's basically saying YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE ME IF I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH. it cannot get more obvious.

"You should find another guiding light, guiding light But I shine so bright"

she knows that despite her efforts to tell us about her life and how it's very different from the narrative she tells us the public won't believe it cause she shines so bright

file viii. THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT

"I was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me I was a functioning alcoholic till nobody noticed my new aesthetic"

she shockingly confesses to not actually being what she seemed to be - she's depressed and she's an alcoholic and the reference to being locked up in the psych ward (Hits Difference) (also Fortnight mv)

"You're in self-sabotage mode, throwing spikes down on the road"

"But you awaken with dread, pounding nails in your head"

kind of reminds me of the muse of Peace (if your cascade ocean blue waves come) and Hoax

"He was my best friend Down at the sandlot I felt more when we played pretend Than with all the Kens"

the best friend theme and the Kens?

"Did you take all my old clothes? Just to leave me here naked and alone In a field in my same old town"

"Down bad like I lost my twin"

honestly it sounds like she's singing about a woman here. (Karlie)

"I'll build you a fort on some planet Where they can all understand it"

the reference to Paris and all the other songs where she feels like her love cannot be understood

"I just learned these people only raise you to cage you Sarahs and Hannahs in their Sunday best Clutching their pearls, sighing, "What a mess" I just learned these people try and save you 'Cause they hate you"

i won't write the whole lyrics but the entirety of But Daddy I Love him is about forbidden love (like Love Story), not being understood, the whole world judging your love etc.

"Now, pretty baby, I'm runnin' back home to you Fresh out the slammer, I know who my first call will be to"

"Gray and blue and fights and tunnels Handcuffed to the spell I was under For just one hour of sunshine"

"My friends tried but I wouldn't hear it Watched me daily disappearing For just one glimpse of his smile"

i feel like Frest Out the Slammer is a direct reference to illicit affairs muse (Make sure nobody sees you leave / Hood over your head keeps your eyes down / Tell them you're out for a run / You'll be flushed when you return)

"At the park where we used to sit on children's swings Wearing imaginary rings"

again it sounds like the muse is somebody whom she's known since she was way younger

"Without ever touching his skin How can I be guilty as sin?"

yeah she wants to cheat so bad lmao. i think this is pre-illicit affairs.

"I keep these longings locked In lowercase, inside a vault Someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts Only your actions talk"

again religious guilt and keeping your desires hidden.

"What if I roll the stone away? They're gonna crucify me anyway What if the way you hold me is actually what's holy? If long-suffering propriety is what they want from me They don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly I choose you and me religiously"

wow. once again she's haunted.

"They shake their heads, saying, "God help her" when I Tell 'em he's my man But your good Lord doesn't need to lift a finger I can fix him, no really I can"

you know what i honestly believe this is the same muse from cowboy like me lmao. another dangerous forbidden love.

"Who's gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames If we know the steps anyway? We embroidered the memories of the time I was away Stitching, "We were just kids, babe" I said, "I don't mind, it takes time""

here comes the muse from the 1, the old flame. again the childhood / high school lovers trope.

"Still alive, killing time at the cemetery Never quite buried"

cemeteries again?

"It was unnecessary, should've let it stay buried"

i think this is after-the 1. (If one thing had been different / Would everything be different today?) i think they tried again but it didn't work.

"I can read your mind "She's having the time of her life" There in her glittering prime The lights refract sequin stars Off her silhouette every night I can show you lies"

i don't think i need to explain I Can Do it With a Broken Heart.

"And I don't even want you back, I just want to know If rusting my sparkling summer was the goal"

there's something about The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived that makes me think about it's related to August. i feel like it was written from August' POV.

"'Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden"

self-explanatory, huh?

"Now I want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes And hire a priest to come and exorcise my demons"

again she's haunted but i think The Black Dog is honestly about Joe.

"I'm the albatross I swept in at the rescue The devil that you know Looks now more like an angel"

again more religious imagery that i'm too tired to explain right now lmao but you know the drill

"You turned me into an idea of sorts"

she's talking about the public's perception of her

"Say it once again with feeling How the death rattle breathing Silenced as the soul was leaving The deflation of our dreaming Leaving me bereft and reeling My beloved ghost and me Sitting in a tree D-Y-I-N-G"

?

"And so I changed your name and any real defining clues And one day Your kid comes home singing A song that only us two is gonna know is about you"

this is where the real deal comes in. in thanK you aIMee, it sounds like a direct reference to Kim Kardashian but she just throws this line here which makes you think... hmm. if she changed her name and any real defining clues how do we know it's about Kim? so maybe it isn't. i mean that's what she said anyways.

"I tried searching faces on streets What are the chances you'd be Downtown, downtown, downtown Does it feel alright to not know me? I'm addicted to the "if only"

feels like a reference to The One.

"I got cursed like Eve got bitten Oh, was it punishment?"

"Please I've been on my knees Change the prophecy Don't want money Just someone who wants my company Let it once be me"

"A greater woman stays cool But I howl like a wolf at the moon"

"A greater woman has faith But even statues crumble if they're made to wait I'm so afraid I sealed my fate No sign of soulmates"

another song where she feels doomed and cursed. honestly i think this is the saddest song from TTPD.

"You can mark my words that I said it first In a mourning warning no one heard

No one heard Not a single word was heard"

in Cassandra she once again sings about not being heard.

"Forgive me, Peter My lost fearless leader In closets like cedar Preserved from when we were just kids"

"You said you were gonna grow up Then you were gonna come find me"

in Peter she once again sings about the old flame, the 1, the childhood love. we're supposed to believe the muse in question is Matty. they were both 25 when they met so it's up to you to decide if this is the childhood love. idk.

"Started with a kiss "Oh, we must stop meeting like this" But it always ends up with a town car speeding Out the drive one evening Ended with the slam of a door Then he'll call her a whore"

illicit affairs alert

so, to sum it up -

chapter "hiding in plain sight"

i. dear reader, ii. thank you aimee, iii. fortnight, iv. i can do it with a broken heart

chapter "forbidden love"

i. love story, ii. ours, iii. treacherous, iv. illicit affairs, v. cowboy like me, vi. but daddy i love him, vii. guilty as sin

chapter "i loved you in secret"

i. king of my heart, ii. dress, iii. don't blame me, iv. paris, v. glitch

chapter "the 1"

i. the 1, ii. 'tis the damn season, iii. coney island, iv. suburban legends, v. loml, so many more i'm so tired at the moment lmao let me wrap it up

chapter "passed down like folk songs"

this is the childhood best friend chapter btw

i. seven, ii. dorothea, iii. mary's song, iv. it's nice to have a friend

chapter "suburban legends"

this is the high school love chapter which could also overlap with the 1 chapter

i. 'tis the damn season, ii. coney island, iii. loml

chapter "best friend" (which could also overlap the childhood best friend and high school love chapter, i know it's so complicated)

i. maroon, ii. you are in love, iii. dress, iv. mary's song, v. it's nice to have a friend

alright so i've probably left some songs out cause i'm on my period and my mind is so foggy, like i said i'm so tired so please let me know there's anything missing.

to sum it up in a shorter way,

muse i. the best friend (which can both be the childhood best friend or the high school lovers, the one from her hometown, also can be the 1)

muse ii. illicit affairs, the one that got married, it can also overlap the prior muse idk

muse iii. this one is clearly a woman in my opinion.

IN CONCLUSION

in conclusion, there seems to be at least one hidden muse throughout taylor's discography. i feel like there's at least three. by the way - i couldn't care less whom taylor writes about. i'm just interested in the story she has to tell. and lately it's been feeling like she has been begging for us to understand her. i think she uses a lot of red herrings to hide the true muses of her songs. when you carefully listen to her whole discography there are a few stories that instantly connect to each other that is out of the narrative taylor explicitly chose to tell us about. and this is not to say that she never had a relationship with Harry or Joe or whatever - it's just that I believe there is someone else (or others) that we don't yet know about. i think the one she's known from her hometown is the most obvious one.

anyways, i'm curious to hear about your thoughts in this.

[kleefkruid]

Hello, I hope this isn't an awkward or rude ask, feel free to ignore tho, but I've been tentatively interested in polyam, but more specifically being in a relationship with two partners I love and cherish. I've seen a lot of posts say that this isnt how polyam stuff works tho and I have no touch stone other than my own lovey dovey fantasies, but I know you're polyam and I figured I'd ask what I should think of and or expect out of a polyam relationship? How does it all work? I hope I explained what I mean well enough. Thank you for your time!

Hi! I'm assuming by the way you worded this you're talking about a triad, a relationship where you are dating two people and they're also dating each other.

I'm gonna go into a few points here 1. triads and their prevalence 2. unicorn hunting, what is it and why is everyone yelling 3. how to 'look for a 3rd' in a not-terrible way 4. a little something else about polyam relationship dynamics

Triads exist! But it's true that outsiders assume it's the standard, as you'll notice in pop culture most poly people are triads, and also here on tumblr as a fanfic trope it's also very prevalent.

But in reality triads are not too common simply for the sheer statistic probability. You have to find someone you like, they have to like you. You also have to find someone else you like who also likes you. Then that first person must also like your second person, and your second person must also like your first person! And then after all this, you have 3 relationships (you+b, you+c, b+c) and you still have to find a way to make the 4th relationship dynamic work (you+b+c). Personally, none of my partners or other people I was connected with, have dated other people I'd wanna date. It's usually people I think are cool, good looking and I want them in my life, but they're not people I wish to date. All triads I have spoken or read their stories have kind off stumbled into it. Usually someone was already dating person b, starts dating person c, and by happenstance person b and c do find this connection. So, it happens, it's great when it happens, but it's just not likely purely bc of chance.

2. When talking about this, I have to quickly get into unicorn hunters, because you will run into this term, and you have some overzealous polyam people who will throw this at any person walking into the scene (looking at you, certain message boards) You might think allright, I'll start with finding my person B, and together we'll look around until we find someone we both like! And this is a fine idea, truly (*I am pushing a yelling crowd away at this point*) but there is a certain type of couple that have made this method veeeeery unpopular (and are responsible for like, 90% of the shit polyam people get online), and you have to make sure you're not those people, and then you'll be fine. This specific kind of couple is what people mean when they use the term unicorn hunters. Scenario: You have a mono couple. Usually a straight man and a bisexual/curious woman. They decide they want to dip their toes into polyamory. No problems at this point, although going from mono to poly is a whole post on it's own. But the man doesn't want another man in the relationship, he like the idea of having two girlfriends though, and his girlfriend is interested in girls anyway, so let's look for a girlfriend for us both! This girl they are looking for is what is jokingly refered to as a unicorn. Because they're looking for a bisexual woman (already a specific subgroup) who is poly (again, upping the rarity) who likes them both, equially, and who likes to be barraged by two complete strangers who are like "hey do you want to date us both or maybe have a threesome and see where is goes" A lot of these couples can be to forward (hence the 'hunting' part), because they don't know the dynamics of the poly scene they walked in, but they're usually also not knowlegable about the basics of the queer scene. They're the couples that message lesbians, not seeing how that's fucked up. Often the girl will match with someone on lesbian tinder, who's often not even poly, mind you, and then go "by the way, this is my boyfriend, wanna have a threesome?" If someone enters a relationship with those two, they're often treated as an assesory, lower on the ladder, and they're not allowed to date other people. It's pretty much universally a bad experience for the so called unicorn. It's a stereotype sure, but it's a really fucking prevalent one and any poly person has run into them, every wlw, whether they're poly or not, will have to slap they away when they enter any online dating or even when just existing. So that's why just being a couple looking for a 3rd, even if you're being perfectly respectful (which again, possible) will get an aggressive response in poly cirlces, because we all get the flak that's meant for those people. Lot's of people, especially again mono lesbians, don't even want to associate with me when they hear I'm poly bc of these people, while we get ecually harassed, but in their eyes, that's what poly people are, even though they're misbehaving tourists at best.

3. Now, I have talked about probability, what you shouldn't do, but this leaves the question, what should you do?

Firstly, take it easy, what needs to happen will happen. If you're interested in being polyam, just start with that. Dip your toes into the water without having a route or destination mapped out. If you get a better feel about how it is to be polyam and what the dynamics are like, it will be easier to figure out if being poly is something you want to really get into, and what you want from it. It's a learning process like anything is. Mono peoples first dating will differ wildly to the long term relationship they're in years later. It's just like that, again.

Practical, finding people. I recommend looking on poly specific dating websites. I met my current partner on feeld. The fun thing about feeld is that you can connect your current partners profile to yours. So you're matching people on your own, but you can be like: this is my other partner btw. Feeld is open for both people looking on their own, or couples. And people communicate in their bio what kind of thing they're after. You can also connect your partner for funsies without looking for a 3rd, the connected profiles I see are about 50/50. There are other poly or poly-friendly apps but I have not tried them so you'll have to ask around about those!

tinder: If you make a profile for yourselves just start with saying you're poly in your bio. If people give you shit after you were clear from the start, that's they're problem and they're just being an ass. If you're dating on your own, I would also mention this so people don't think some 2nd person will jump in after you match. I have succesfully dated on tinder as a poly person. I mentioned that I was poly, that I was dating one other person and that we were not looking for people together. I didn't have any mishaps with that. If you're dating and looking together: making a couple profile on tinder, I don't recommend, because again, people will take you for unicorn hunters even if you are not. If you're different genders you'll also get into the space of people who don't want to see you, like an m/f couple getting into a women only space. If you're a w/w couple or a m/m couple you can get into those spaces genreally, especially the mlm community is pretty open to open relationships (hehe) but be clear about what you're doing (start your bio with this) and leave people alone who aren't looking for poly/threesomes/whatever. People who are open to this will usually communicate this clearly. (I'm just talking about men and women here and not going into any kind of gender fluidity bc let's be real there's no dating website that has an ideal system in place when you're non-binary, so that's a bit of a case by case situation) If you're dating and looking together nr. 2: Don't walk up to strangers in bars. Just don't do it. Plain. Simple. You can meet irl people, but don't do it with this intent.

4. about polyam dynamics.

When you get into poly dating, you'll discover more relation dynamics (I get into solo-poly and relationship anarchy here, look into that). You'll figure out that a hinge relationship, like this:

is also a relationship between 3 people. You're not all romantically involved, but all relationships (family/friends/romance) are equially worthwile, and sometimes the lines will blur. I have friends I love a bit, I have friends I have sex with, I have friends I'll never have sex with. I'll love a metamour (partner of my partner) for the love they give my partner, but I don't want to date them. Maybe someday I'll have a metamour I do want to date. You can also have 3 people who all are dating each other, but do it sperately and don't want to turn it into a relationship between all 3 of them together. You have people who form a family and live together, but not all of them date each other. You have people who'll always live alone regardless of the people they're dating; Everything is possible, if you just communicate clearly and have the maximum respect for everyone involved.

I hope this little 1.0.1 thing was a bit helpful to you, if you have any more questions feel free to ask. It's a wide subject that can (and has) filled entire books but I'll try to give an intro as good as I can

[upsidedownlurker]

How correct were my predictions for Heartbreak High S2?

SPOILERS for Season One and Two (obviously)

Prediction One: Spider couldn't "get it up" w/ Amerie because he's dealing with internalised homophobia.

According to Spider's Mum, he apparently doesn't have a queer bone in his body, and she's... disappointed by that. Uh. Wow.

Sure, it's not completely out of the question. Perhaps he actually is queer, but pretended not to be as another way to rebel against his Mum besides spouting verbal garbage.

Honestly though, I'm happy to have been wrong about him. Ant and Spider being the token straight guys with the most homoerotic friendship ever is hilarious to me. Plus, if he redeems himself, he could be one of my favourite characters in the show.

In conclusion: me = incorrect!

Prediction Two: Malakai's bisexuality would be explored

Right on the money with this one. I appreciated that he made mistakes and explored it in a messy way. Better for him to be flawed than absolutely perfect! A lot of what I loved about Heartbreak High was the characters' flaws.

Sidenote: It was weird that some characters basically said, "Everyone's queer now, get over it". That's just not true. Plus, there's still a lot of queerphobia out there.

Prediction Three: Ant would be explored more as a character

Incorrect! However, the show did explore Missy, and I grew to really enjoy her as a character. She flew under the radar for me during Season 1, while her confident and fun personality shined brighter in Season 2.

Prediction Four: Ca$h will learn he is asexual

Kinda-sorta correct. Another character said he was ace, but there wasn't much beyond that.

I hope that in S3 (if there is one) he is able to explore it along with the audience. I also hope that he and Darren get into an open relationship of some kind, because holy shit. I love them as a couple, but certain things are not working for them right now.

Sidenote: Holy shit. When I learned what his nickname meant, and the fact he had been called that since childhood...

Prediction Five: There is something weird about the new kid...

Vague, but yep. He was quite the interesting guy.

Prediction Six: Sasha will go one of two ways: she will become less hypocritical and get back together with Quinni, or continue to be very politically shallow and become more of a villain.

Correct. Option two happened to such an extent that I didn't enjoy it. She seemed like an AI-generated caricature of stereotypical "wokeness" rather than an actual human being who exists. Despite that, I'm holding out hope that she'll be a human again in S3.

OK BACK TO LURKING STRANGER THINGS FOREVER

[sailorblossoms]

although I'm 100% on board the unlabeled Simon Snow train, I've been feeling compelled to make the case for why aspec/demisexual Simon resonates:

-Dating a girl was, besides following traditional roles, his attempt at “normalcy.” He didn’t have any romantic or sexual feelings for her, nor was he invested in the relationship in that way.

-He occasionally notes girls being "cute" and "beautiful" and guys being "fit" but this information doesn't really do anything for him. Being able to note "eye-candy" without experiencing attraction is a common aspec experience

-His reaction to boobs doesn't really go beyond a passing "very nice, not mad about seeing them", and this is brought up in the same line of thought as "I don't know if I was ever attracted to women", which is a way of questioning that kinda leans on a negative answer. See previous point.

-Baz remembers surviving sharing a room with Simon with “furious wanking” (just your typical angsty teenage vampire), having wanted to “kiss one of Simon’s moles since he was 12,” and wanting him “since he knew how to want” (“erotic gropfest” fantasies). While he only has eyes for Simon (a true romantic) it also seems like experiencing attraction and hitting puberty came hand in hand for good ol’ Baz. Though Simon is just as drawn to him (he thinks about him all the time, he’s always looking at him, smelling him; sharing a room with him was just like “sharing it with a siren”) getting there apparently went hand in hand with developing feelings that could be considered as "creating a bond," even though there was distance between them (he's not home until he's smelling Baz in their shared room -> Baz is home).

-It can be argued that 5th year was the year Simon started experiencing attraction. This is when he remembers wanting to jump Baz (though he didn’t understand why then), following him everywhere (by his own admission, he didn’t need to do this to prove Baz’s a vampire, he already knew), pointing him with his sword (ha) etc. By the time he kisses Baz, he already has a list of things he wants to do to him, including kissing him on the lips! Meaning he became attracted to someone he knows (he has observed his soul), someone who’s always on his mind, someone he wants to know everything about because he yearns to be close to him, closer than anyone else.

-It took him until he became more comfortable with being attracted to Baz and being sure he absolutely wanted to have sex with him to begin to understand how attraction actually feels. Before that, he assumed thinking someone is pretty probably meant he was attracted, which he later figures out isn't the case for him (when realizing in hindsight his lack of attraction to Agatha).

-He talks about sex in his straight relationship as a pain, or a chore he wasn’t into at best, and remembering it puts him in distress that leads to self-harm at worst (kicking walls, pulling hair, etc.) (As a fellow curly-haired person let me tell y'all: that’s no small amount of pain lol)

-In his own words, Baz is the only person he has ever wanted. Period. He's the only person he's 100% sure he's attracted to. "Nothing compares" to him.

-"Am I gay, or am I some kind of Baz-sexual. Is that a thing". It is, but we don't call it like that lol

-Simon thinking he might be gay has everything to with his attraction to Baz, and only Baz. Him noting other men being fit is in passing with no effect on him (again, refer to point 2) or to mark them as a threat/competition (Lamb).

-Simon's main point for rejecting bisexuality is him understanding his relationship with Agatha was completely void of sexual attraction and romance. He had first hand experience here trying to do what people do when they feel attraction, but he wasn't feeling it. The first time he talks about this relationship in CO, he says he was always going along with what he thought she wanted (as opposed to doing shit because he wanted it) and was always "getting it wrong".

-With strangers though? Is he attracted? Hell if he knows! I’d say he isn’t. Relevant here is Simon assuming that being able to tell when people are pretty means attraction ("assuming" as in not even thinking about it because "that's just how it is") and how he later starts figuring out that’s not the case with him.

-Simon feels like an idiot because Baz didn’t need to date or try anything to know he’s gay, while Simon has no idea of what can fit him, he only knows that he wants Baz (while also having a knee-jerk reaction to deny when someone wants to confirm him as either gay or bi, although we see he's not completely closed off to gay). Some of it it’s Simon’s anxieties and fears, but also relevant here is that this sort of confusion, and figuring out yourself later in life isn’t uncommon for acespec folks

-In other words: his attraction to Baz seems to increase or rather, to be more understandable, the closer they get (“he can’t get enough of him” he says when they start being intimate. He gets “so turned on he can’t think” when he finally has him naked).

-There's plenty supporting Simon's attraction to Baz: he wakes up aroused by his smell, he gets all hot and bothered just by Baz looking at him a certain way, he think it's "dead sexy" when Baz takes off his shirt and reveals his wand holder, Baz fighting has him jumping him in public because is just "so hot, he's so hot". No one else had this effect on him, not even close, even when he notices them "being fit"

-When Simon is dry-humping Baz (you read that right) in the Watford library, he laments not having been Baz's friend instead of enemies during their time at school, and not having kissed him in every possible corner (they had a private room together!!) in the same breath. Acting on his attraction to Baz and wanting to have an emotional bond with him even earlier than when it happened are tied together here.

This is not to say Simon needs to pick up a label, it's perfectly fine if he never feels the need to identify as anything. Labels are personal, and can be helpful in understanding ourselves, but not always. I'm only bringing this up here because it feels helpful in understanding Simon better (saying he's extremely oblivious and calling it a day feels like a disservice, there's a lot more going on with him!) even if he remains unlabeled. If you vibe with this feel free to add to this post

[freyawaves]

A rant about Byler because I'm fucking insane

Queer people obviously have a different outlook on life and have different experiences than that of a straight person. So it would make sense for a queer person to see themes that others wouldn't, to spot accidental or purposeful queercoding, and interpret character interactions and decisions in a way that relates to them. So, I guess I understand sometimes when I see people being ADAMANT about Byler not even being a POSSIBILITY, but I'm like... did we even watch the same show?

I guess I can get where they are coming from. I, too, was a Mileven shipper (when I first watched ST... in the 4th grade.) and yes, it was cute and all that. But I rewatched all of stranger things recently and with a more developed brain, and I can safely say I can see why people ship Byler. Maybe I'm biased because I'm a bisexual person, but I can so clearly see that something is going on with both Will AND Mike. People like to claim that byler is one-sided, but if Byler was one-sided, why was MIKE the one who was acting weird towards Will at the beginning of s4?

Don't get me wrong. I don't HATE Mileven. However, I also believe that it has been made clear that their relationship is bumpy, and time and time again, we've seen how Mike and El DON'T WORK. If Mileven was endgame, why wouldn't Mike's love confession scene in s4 make their relationship better? They are still distant. If Byler was impossible, why would they write s4 in a way that makes us think, "Aw, Will likes Mike. I hope Mike likes him back!"

Idk. Maybe I'm just crazy and Mike really will marry eleven in the local village with 3 waterfalls

[strawberryblondebutch]

what are your top 10 ships? in order? 👀

Ten? TEN?!

Christ. Okay. There's gonna be some rarepairs and some crackships on here and I'm not going to apologize.

Cheryl Blossom/Veronica Lodge (Riverdale) - Sorry not sorry putting this number one. I've been on this train for over half a decade. I feel like I have a red string board about how the narrative implicitly connects them but the writers are cowards. Justice for Camila Mendes, who spent seven seasons trying to kiss women and the writers kept putting her back in straight relationships.

Dinah Lance/Zatanna Zatara (DC Comics) - This is explicitly the comics canon, because I don't think they've really interacted in any other forms. Admittedly this one has less to do with the ship and more the fact that Zatanna is my pathetic bisexual wet cat and no one at DC seems interested in examining her trauma through anything besides her relationships with men.

Sam Carpenter/Kirby Reed (Scream) - God. The wasted potential here. The Scream franchise has never written a protagonist that wouldn't be better as a lesbian. The shared trauma. The height difference. Can they both get some goddamn rest.

Robin Buckley/Nancy Wheeler (Stranger Things) - This one has dropped to four because of my umbrage with the fandom in general, which I know I don't need to explain to you. But besides Natalia and Maya having so much chemistry, Robin being the only one who consistently listens to Nancy and vice versa is so important to me.

Yelena Belova/Kate Bishop (Marvel Cinematic Universe) - Once again, specifically in the MCU. Again, Hailee and Florence have such amazing chemistry, and their relationship is the natural successor to Clint and Nat. I can't wait to see how the MCU wastes their potential!

Hazel/PJ (Bottoms) - RIP to everyone who loves Josie and Isabel, but you can't give me a local dirtbag and a cringefail butch and not expect me to smoosh their faces together like Barbie dolls.

Kate Bishop/America Chavez (Marvel Comics) - The MCU already decided they didn't want this one by aging America down and Kate up, but this was the ship that originally got me onto Tumblr. They're still kicking ass and taking names forever in my heart.

Betty Cooper/Donna Sweett (Riverdale) - I just think she (bitchy prep school brunette with big eyes) is pretty neat, ok?

Sansa Stark/Margaery Tyrell (A Song of Ice and Fire / Game of Thrones) - They hate to see one girlboss winning, much less two. In a different world, they are Cheronica in a different font. Stop booing me, I'm right.

Laura Kinney/Marc Spector (Marvel Comics) - Are they an M/F ship? Sure are! Have they ever interacted in canon? I don't think so! But this one I can explain - when I did Marvel PBP, my Moon Knight ended up romancing X-23 and now I desperately need them to interact. Their dates mostly involved patching each other up and talking about their trauma.

[starsarefire824]

(Not directed at you, just venting)

The backflips people will do to be biphobic are astonishing. Like my siblings in christ, it doesn't matter if Mike is gay, bi, pan or some other version of queer - why are we tearing each other down? I'm bi myself and if Mike is bi, great, if he's not, also great. I literally couldn't care less but to be *-phobic* about it is just wild to me. Like y'all will do so much to deny the existence of bi people.

People need to go touch grass. 🙄

I totally agree with you. I sort of flop between my feelings on Mike’s sexuality depending on my vibe on a specific day. Sure, I like to write him as bi—but that usually is a choice I make because I see a lot of my teenage self in him so it’s easy to tap into—-and it allows for (in my personal opinion) some interesting dynamics to be built between multiple characters.

But that’s just it—-isn’t it??? It’s a headcanon. Any take on Mike’s sexuality other than being straight up until this point, as it is written by the Duffer Brothers, is that he is a straight boy dating El.

Any other variance of that is pure speculation/analysis/hopes for season 5. Season 4 gave us some hints, there has been subtle things in past seasons. There have been a lot of choices made by his character that didn’t make sense until post season 4. And it becomes way more complicated when really taking into account his actions towards Will. But either way, Mike has not come out. Mike has not stated with words how he feels/ given any indication of his sexuality. So therefore, any headcanon by a fan of Stranger Things is valid.

I actually like Mike as gay. I, as a bi person, would fucking love if he was gay. It would be perfectly legitimate by what we’ve been shown, and his relationship with El could be explained away perfectly if season five wraps it up in a well written ending.

But so can bi Mike. Bisexuality is also a valid conclusion for Mike. He won’t be lesser than or not queer enough if he ends up being bi.. He won’t love Will Byers any less if he is bi. He won’t be less sexually attracted to Will if he is bi. He won’t be less of a person if he happened to be in love El and Will at the same time in his life. Or god forbid, be sexually attracted to a female. He is still valid as a character if he is bisexual.

And no……he won’t be “better rep” if he is gay.

While I’m at it, even if Mike chose El in the end (which we won’t know until season 5 because we, in fact, are not in the writers’ room) while still harboring attraction and romantic feelings for men, doesn’t make him ANY LESS FUCKING BI. Or any less fucking QUEER. And im so tired of talking about it.

[bisolationist]

I think the reason we (bisexuals) see our harassment from gay people go up after we deal with an incident of homophobia/biphobia from a heterosexual is that they literally think we're "asking for it" because a sentiment I see a LOT (even if sometimes it's a "joke") is:

"Bisexuals can literally choose to be straight, so why wouldnt you? How stupid are you"

Like they feel as though it would be easy for us to stay closeted our entire lives lol... on top of obviously playing into a lot of biphobic stereotypes about how we can pick and choose who we're attracted to (because we're down for anything you know lol) + that we only attract homophobia/biphobia when actively expressing same sex attraction (what a strange choice to make! Why would you victimize yourself like that if you can make it stop whenever by just acting straight?) Etc

Which is why I don't tolerate it from anyone... because it's the exact same shit that straight people give us, it's just being spewed from a different perspective. Its not "venting" lol... Aside from harassment not being okay regardless of who is doing it lmao it reinforces the attitudes that do get us assaulted/whatever by straight ppl and keep us marginalized in general.

Idk why the sexual orientation of the person saying it really matters, to be honest. Do women get a pass for being misogynistic to other women? Does any group get exempt like that when they are perpetuating stereotypes/harassing another marginalized group? I mean I hope not

Opression doesn't occur in a vacuum lol it always goes along with a certain cultural narrative about the group being opressed - in this case that bisexual are wishy-washy sex freaks who it's okay to sexually harass, because if it really bothered them they wouldn't be literally *asking for it* all the time. Everyone knows you can't trust us and take us at our word lolll

Yeah I think you may be right v_v or at least I think this is a huge chunk of it for bi women!

I think in addition to "you were asking for it" that bi women especially get**, I think they also just hate any contrary evidence to the "bihets don't really actually experience oppression". Like it's really made to be an absolute lose lose***, and bisexuals that experience an undeniable form of oppression like sexual assault just riles up both sides of that agenda :\

I'm repeating myself but I just wanna elaborate on this more. There's really this pincer. Where one half tells bi women that the main chunk of their oppression is "just" misogyny (and thus all women are equally entitled to talk about it, nothing special about bisexuality) or "just" homophobia (so again nothing special about bisexuality, in fact bisexuals are less entitled talk about it because there's a pretense we only experience incidental/'misdirected' homophobia + they were 'asking for it', as you said). And the other half just insists we're basically heterosexual and thus any and all attempts by bisexuals to discuss our own lives are histrionic BPD mental illness, malicious manipulation of the worst kind, a fictitious political agenda wherein we're 'weaponizing' our abuse, etc. etc. etc. it all boils down to Not Real Plug Ears Ignore.

Sidenote. "You Were Asking For It" wouldn't be any less evil of a thing to say to a woman experiencing homophobia from within a relationship, because women choosing relationships are never asking for abuse, but it has to be pointed out that it's a sentiment still deployed viciously against bi women that were assaulted by strangers or acquaintances. They like to pretend it's a righteous "Personal Responsibility" thing (Republican Moment) but it's clearly about pushing a political agenda and pushing a narrative about bisexuals and assault victims (Republican Moment).

**it has to be said bi men don't get this nearly so much, mainly just the latter one. But bi men still get the weird fucking reactions when they are victimized by sexual assault. That's why I think it has to be a mix. ***I think this is why they actually seem to tolerate bisexuals that are in OSA relationships and say things like "well I've been in an OSA relationship my entire adult life and have never experienced oppression so those other bis are just whiny homophobes <3". Like in addition to being a convenient mouthpiece of biphobia, it fits their narrative.

And sure, there are bisexuals that don't experience parental rejection, sexual assault, significant homophobia, etc. Yeah het relationships are a privilege. But if you try to pretend those people and those people only are the whole story when there are actively people telling much different stories than you have an agenda :\

[strangertheories]

that post about 'shaming queer ships' neatly avoids the fact of the matter that the drivers of MLM ships online aren't MLM but women and that even queer women are capable of fetishism and no you can't use the 'canon str8 ships suck' excuse when this bs most often involves erasing canon interracial ships to prop up white men, not even trying to improve m/w ships, and most tellingly ignoring or minimizing WLW in canon and fanon. that's not even talking about the rampant biphobia.

I appreciate that you're upset but I feel as though you're putting words in my mouth. Plenty of MLM and NWLNW people ship Byler. It's not fetishizing queer men to ship Byler and as a queer woman, I'm not going to apologize for liking the relationship. I'm a fan of childhood friends to lovers as a trope which is the main reason why I ship Byler, not because I'm creepy about gay guys. It's not even my favourite ship in the show, it's just one that is very frequently criticized so I was defending it.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who ship m/m ships in a weird fetishizing manner but it's a huge generalisation to say that people pushing Byler are all women with a fetish for gay guys. The reason I didn't talk about this issue is because it's an issue separate from the post I was making which was about hate on queer ships. When I mentioned people being accused of fetishizing gay men for shipping m/m ships, I was talking about people getting told that for no reason. As I said, it's an issue that women have this weird view of gay guys but I never said that it wasn't.

I also didn't say that canon straight ships suck. I'm a big Jopper shipper and I have spoken about several times how much I love Lumax. I have never erased interracial relationships to pop up white men either, considering there is only one interfacial relationship in Stranger Things and I ship it. But even so, it's not erasing interracial relationships to ship Elmax as you can still think two characters would be cute together even if one of them is dating someone of the opposite race.

Again, I never said m/w relationships shouldn't be improved. If there's a bad relationship on the show then they should absolutely write it better. But just because I'd rather Mike be with Will does not mean that I think m/w relationships should never be improved. I just personally don't know how they'd fix Mike and Eleven's relationship. It would be very tricky to do writing wise as they've made it seem like Mike isn't interested in Eleven at all. Who knows maybe they'll pull a miracle and I'll end up shipping them but I really really doubt that. M/w ships should be written well but if it looks like a relationship is ending that's not bad writing, it's the plot.

I also don't know where I minimised WLW? I'm a lesbian myself. My favourite ship in Stranger Things is Ronance and I talk about it a lot on my account. I absolutely love sapphic ships and I've watched pretty much every show under the sun with sapphic characters and relationships in it. Before I joined the ST fandom, I made posts about Buffy, Haunting of Bly Manor, Fear Street and other shows and the posts were mostly about sapphic ships. Some of the examples I gave on hate on queer ships applied to queer men but that's because m/m ships get specific types of complaints like about toxic masculinity that don't apply to WLW. I would never minimize WLW in canon (I mean Robin is my favourite character) and I don't know where you got that from my posts?

And in terms of rampant biphobia, again, I really don't see where I was biphobic? The only time I mentioned bisexuality in that post was saying that just because a guy dates girls doesn't mean he can't date guys which is the opposite of biphobic. Maybe it's about how I said I doubt Mike loves Eleven but that's not because I'm biphobic, it's because of the fact he can't say I love you to her.

Again, if I said something stupid then I'll accept that but I don't really see what I did wrong here? I got a criticism earlier about how I said that we're treating straight men's fear to be seen as gay as valid when a fear to be seen as gay is valid which I made a follow up post about and realized my mistake. But in this case, you're just making up things I said and getting annoyed at them.

And I just think it's a smidge ironic that I made a post about how people try to make it problematic to ship things like Byler only to be told I'm problematic and fetishizing queer men. Thanks for the ask anyways, anon.

[sapphos-darlings]

Im afraid every bisexual woman I know is faking it... Im bisexual myself. This doesn't let me have a relationship with another bisexual woman, which is what i really want. How do i stop feeling like this? I knew a lot of straight girls who would pretend to be attracted to each other and even kiss for male attention and now i doubt everyone including myself and it's horrible.

Hello, Anon!

I'm afraid trusting other people is one of the great challenges of life, since we can never really truly now what other people are thinking or feeling, if their intentions towards us are good or not. Every day of our lives we just take each other's word for it and go on like that.

It's especially hard when we have been betrayed or dissapointed before. I myself have experiences with bullying in school, which still in my 30s makes me default into being on high alert and defensive around strangers even when no one's given me a reason to.

You have experiences of people lying and pretending about something important and of sensitive nature. Topping that with the constant undercurrent of our culture that already doesn't take bisexuality seriously or even believe it's real, and on top of that undervalues women's sexuality, I can easily believe you're having a hard time!

Distrusting every other bisexual woman unfortunately will not help you, and it's not really fair towards them either. You can never read anyone's mind and all you have is trust, and the possibility of just someone having been wrong, changing their mind or some other completely bening thing, is always real.

The good news is that even though you can't know or control anyone else, you can know and understand yourself. You have a choice and you control your own life! More good news is that you don't need to feel enourmously guilty and task yourself with totally ridding yourself of your doubts and distrust. A much more likely path towards growing and healing is to learn to understand your gut feelings: Where do they come from, why are you feeling like you are, and what is the purpose of that? You recognize that you have real dissapointments in your past that have led to these feelings, thus they have a source and a purpose of protecting you from further harm.

Let those feelings be as they are and let them be tempered with new experiences, new relationships and a healthier mindset. Recognize your fears and doubts as they are and give yourself the time you need to trust others.

Make an active choice to be kind and rational despite your gut feeling. You are a bisexual woman, and you know for a fact that there are others like you, that not everyone is lying or pretending. These are facts, and thus connection and trust with other bisexual women is possible.

Remember that your choices and behavior are your own responsibility, but those of other people are not. You can choose to work on yourself, to cope and heal, and to be kind and civil, and that's really all you have to do. Don't let imagined slights or other people's lies become something that rule over you.

Also consider: What do you lose by believing other bi women, versus what do you lose by not trusting them?

I know all this will take time and probably be hard. But even a little bit of effort has a tendency to accumulate. There will come a day when you realize you have outgrown old pains.

-Lavender

[marinerainbow]

Alright, LGBTQ month is upon us. Time for

My OC's LGBTQ Identities.

Betty Locera: Cis/Het Supporter

I was planning on making Betty bisexual, but after a while, I changed her to being straight. Though some of her siblings are LGBTQ.

Since this is the 1930's, the chances of the average person knowing Betty is a supporter, let alone know some non-hetero people, is low; Betty knows her siblings don't want the drama, so she isn't open about who they are unless she knows she can trust that person. But if she sees anybody on the street being homophobic, she will not hold back. Especially if it's her family being hurt/disrespected. She doesn't tolerate any of that hate.

Detective Sketch: Non-Binary, Asexual Aromantic (partially out)

I do have a ship with Sketch that I love (Dice x Sketch. I'm a sucker for rivals to lovers). But in their own canon timeline, I can't see Sketch being interested in relationships or sex.

It doesn't happen often, but they have had people try to coerce them into going out for a night of fun. Whether it be because they genuinely thought Sketch was attractive, or they thought they could get away without paying them for their services. Sketch has turned them all down, and refuses to share why if they ask. As such, they've gained a small reputation of either being 'very picky', or being a 'romantic who only wants their true love'. Both of these titles make them cringe.

Sketch isn't really an open person, so them being partially out is kind of because they simply don't want to talk about it with strangers. But their family do know, and they're forever grateful for being accepted as who they are.

They didn't really have anyone to accept them before, when it was just them. They didn't even open up with the care takers at the orphanage. So they didn't really know what it felt like to be accepted like this until they had their family.

Prism: Demigirl, Demisexual Demiromantic (out)

Prism may use she/her pronouns, but all dream entities are on the non-binary spectrum in some way. Prism, in particular, is feminine leaning. And when it comes to romantic and sexual relations, she can't imagine anything like that with anyone she doesn't know. Prism doesn't get how some people can have these 'one-night stands' or go on a date the first thing. But whatever floats their boat.

The night dimension does not hold the same prejudice against sexual and gender orientation the same way some humans do. So, to Prism, being out and open about her identity is just the norm. When she first encountered a visitor who was closeted, it was a shock and a half for her. Especially when she found out why these visitors stay quiet about themselves for however long. What's the point of hating somebody for who they are?

Prism wishes she could understand. But she'll offer a safe space for any visitor no matter who they are, and will try to offer as much help and advice as possible.

Poppy: Cisgendered Bisexual (closeted)

Poppy had no idea she was bisexual. At least until she saw Disney's Snow White for the first time (Queen Grimhilde was her awakening). After that, she was left very confused. She had noticed women before, but she assumed that she was just appreciating their beauty, similar to appreciating a work of art, rather than... You know, wanting to kiss them.

Regardless of where she came from, whether she was drawn from paper or she came from her two strict and stuffy parents, Poppy wouldn't really be...Entirely sure of herself for a while. Especially since she's never been with a woman before. She isn't a homophobe at all, she'll support you no matter what you do behind closed doors. But for herself, she always assumed she was straight and that sexuality was simple. So this caught her way off guard.

Even when she fully realized and accepted who she was, Poppy has a hard time telling other people. Because this is the early 1900's, she knows that her sexuality would be a problem to some people, and she doesn't want any trouble. Even with her loved ones, she's scared of not only making them hate her, but also finding out that her loved one is that kind of person. It wouldn't be until she fully trusts someone before she tells them she's bisexual, and it wouldn't be until the modern era until she becomes more open about it, too.

Any questions anybody has, I'll be more than happy to answer ^^

[witchthewriter]

Hello, how are you?

I've been reading your headcanons these past days and I really enjoy your writing. I was thinking if I could request a ship for Lord of the Rings, A Court of Thorns and Roses and Harry Potter

For my description, I'm 18 years old, white, blonde, long and straight hair, green eyes, 5'6 tall, my MBTI is ENFJ and my sign is Libra. I’m bisexual and my house is Hufflepuff

For my personality, I think I’m loyal, outgoing, smart, calm, responsible and gentle.

For my hobbies, I like reading and painting. I like playing sports too, specially volleyball.

I’m brazillian btw.

Thank you 🥰

Want one? Here be the rules 🦋🌈

Hi lovely, thank you so much for reading my stuff! It means so much that you're doing this! I hope you enjoy xx

𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒐𝒏:

✧ Brooding ✧ Seemingly dark/intimidating but has a good heart ✧ Courageous  ✧ Loyal ✧ Mysterious 

𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐏𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Harry Potter! (It is so hard finding gifs of Harry because everything and everyone comes up when you type in ‘harry potter’. Oh god - okay sorry) 🤗

I ship you with Harry because you deserve someone who will look out for you. The way you described yourself ( i.e., loyal, outgoing, smart, calm, responsible, and gentle) strikes me as someone who would be not only an awesome person, but a great friend and partner. You always have Harry’s back, you support him in everything and he feels so grateful to have you. 

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・You guys are a force to be reckoned with whenever there’s danger. Harry is used to being around fellow Gryffindors; who jump into danger and think about things after. But you halt him, you give him pause and therefore peace. So after you have gone through the pros and cons, you’re ready for a fight. 

・Laying in bed while he tells you about his childhood; the way the Dursley’s treated him, how that affected him etc. 

・You give him emotional support and he isn’t used to it. It makes him feel weird; someone who wants to hear about my life? Even the awful, gritty details? 

・Dancing in the kitchen, but you forget about the stove top and it starts to smoke

   “Oh shit shit shit,” Harry mutters as he spots the smoke. 

・Being really really good friends with Hermione; you knew each other from Hogwarts and she loves that you’re with Harry. 

𝐀𝐂𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Azriel! I’m sorry about the random man, I think he looks like Azriel but who I fan casted doesn’t have a lot of reach in tumblr/gifs. I think you would be able to understand him like no one else. You have the patience and peace to give him a safe place to be. You become his hope. 

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・You aren’t afraid of him or his shadows. This intrigues him, because most people shudder whenever he’s around. You just find him interesting. 

・Taking you out to fly, and it’s absolutely mind blowing. His wings are huge and you never feel scared. 

・He loves that you aren’t afraid of him, you aren’t scared of his past or what’s inside of him

・You’re the only person that can make him smile, and when you’re alone - you make him laugh. No one else can do that. Other than his brothers. 

・Relationship Tropes:

 ✧ Strangers > Aquaintaces > Friends > Lovers

 ✧ Hates Everyone x Loves Everyone

 ✧ Emotionally Closed Off x Emotionally Outgoing

𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Aragorn! I think your personalities are quite similar, loyal/brave/responsible. You’d be like the two parents of the group. Reliable and keeps everyone calm. 

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・If you’re hurt and lying in bed, Aragorn WILL NOT leave your side. He will hold your hand, tend to your wound, and dab the sweat from your brow. 

・Doing little tasks for each other; folding his clothes, he makes dinner, etc

・Very protective over the other

・Somehow animals always want to seek shelter with you two? And neither of you has the heart to leave them to suffer/die, so you nurse them back to health. And then more come, and more. 

・Relationship Tropes: 

  ✧ Looks Dangerous, Is Dangerous But Has A Soft Side x Looks Soft, Is Soft, Can Kill You

  ✧ Grumpy x Ray of Sunshine

  ✧ (Before relationship) Perfect For Eachother But Don’t Know It

[sanguivor]

i want to start with an apology for sending this to a random stranger on the internet, but you've been very vocal on this topic in a certain way and i'd like to have your view on this. i'm literally the only lesbian in my area and thus have not a lot of people i can talk to or relate to when it comes to my sexuality, which is why i'm in your askbox lmao. like any lesbian i do occasionally experience physical attraction to other women who are always straight, and often in a relationship or married. i don't intend to pursue anything but i feel so ashamed of my feelings and of the things i'd want that i try to repress it until it's gone but sadly that's not rly how it works. do you have any tips on what i should do? thanks in advance!

you're alright darling there's no need to apologize 💜

I want to start by saying I think you should go easy on yourself, be a little kinder. there's no reason you should ever feel ashamed for being attracted to other women, even if they're straight or married or otherwise. I don't think any of us should feel bad about our desires, even if they're purely physical. you said yourself you don't intend to pursue anything so any reason to feel shame stops and ends there.

I know it's easier said than done but let yourself desire and want without shame, it takes a bit of practice and a lot of kind words to yourself but you won't always feel this way.

talking to people helps too, reaching out is always a good idea. I really really hope you find other lesbians around you because I cannot stress how much talking to other bisexuals has helped me understand and love my sexuality and desires, it's a massive source of comfort and I know you'll find that too, I promise you aren't as alone as you think 💜

[piratewinzer]

Following up on your other anon, and at the risk of sounding creepy for speculating, but I feel like if David was anything but straight he probably would have come out when Wilfred came out as a double whammy of it being absolutely okay to be lgbtq, and to show even more support for his kid.

So it just makes insisting that he’s bisexual even weirder, particularly since he’s been in a very loving, healthy, and stable relationship for over 10 years. Which means that people who speculate just to tiddle their tits won’t get David in a relationship with a man anyway because that would mean being unfaithful to Georgia and I don’t think that could ever happen. David being bi would be wonderful representation, but it still wouldn’t get people their fantasies about him fucking a man like rpf shippers want. And as I said, I’m pretty sure if David was bi he would have come out with Wilfred in support of Wilfred.

Perhaps! And perhaps not. I get what you are saying, for sure - and David is nothing if not a fierce ally (Michael too, ofc). There is also something to be said for people learning about their own orientation as time goes on.

That definitely adds a weird layer on top of this specific situation, I agree, and it makes me want to swat rpf/rps with a bigger and more electrified fly swatter. Leave those middle aged men and their families alone. Enjoy the exponential queer joy* flowing from the characters they play on screen for our enjoyment, betterment and representation. I'm writing/editing this answer right after seeing Wayne Brady announcing his pansexuality and thinking about the journeys that life take us on individually - having no idea what it must be like to have the complexity of being public figure added to that. Thinking about Richard Armitage's quote about how he "came out at 19 to anyone who mattered". Thinking about how all this ties into the messy human experience of being alive and how we're not entitled to the personal information of strangers. I'm am so very sorry this is such a long winded and thought-meandering answer to your ask but suffice to say, I agree, and I hope to all ineffable heavens and hells that it doesn't reach Old Tumblr Discourse delusions and torment because I can't go through it again.

*joy experiences may fluctuate