#Unthinkable fic part 2

[bvtbxtch]

Angry Heart | Eddie Munson x fem!reader (Prologue)

Summary: Your best friend Chrissy Cunningham always got everything she ever wanted, even you new friend and crush Eddie Munson. When Chrissy does the unthinkable, Eddie is left to pick up the pieces alone... or is he?

Pairings: Eddie Munson x Chrissy Cunningham, Eddie Munson x Reader (eventually), reader and Chrissy are friends but have a fallout. Minimal usage of Y/N

Series warnings: MDNI 18 +, Smut, fluff and angst (everything all rolled into one beautiful shit show), mentions of drugs and alcohol being consumed, overall adult language and theme. By clicking the read more, you agree that you are over 18! Ageless and minor blogs who interact will be blocked.

Word count: ~4.7k

A/N: this story is the weird brainchild of me getting a little inebriated and remembering how my divorced parents met and I was inspired. This is my first fic ever and I know it is NOT GOOD, but feedback is always appreciated. This is just the prologue to set up some context for our characters. I have a rough plan as to where this story is going to go but I am so open to suggestions!! Thanks for reading y'all.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

September 1985

Chrissy Cunningham was always perfect. And it was even more annoying because she was pretty, popular and nice to everyone she made eye contact with. That is also why you had been best friends since junior high when you both joined the dance team. When high school hit, she projected herself into the popular group by revolving your high school experience around cheerleading and the popular girls, where you happily sacrificed some of your valuable reputation to pursue both cheer and drama club. Chrissy was always there even though you were seen as less desirable as the other girls on the team. Even if she was in the back row, she would always be at your productions and would happily cheer you on. 

Although she was your best friend, she scared you a lot. She was on the path to a scholarship to her dream school, to getting scooped up by some picture perfect person and getting married and having her dream job. She would stay hot and pretty and perfect forever and as you were approaching graduation, you often worried about what was next for you - terrified of peaking in high school and amounting to nothing. Worried about not finding your own group of people, your own scholarship, and your own path laid out neatly like Chrissy’s was.

Eddie Munson, however,  was the opposite of perfect. If Chrissy was a sparkling smooth personality, Eddie was a jagged edge that very few people appreciated. He was a repeat senior who dealt drugs to all of Hawkins’ youth and  was unapologetically apathetic to the restraints that were supposedly placed on the senior class of ‘86. So when he happily worked sound for the drama club in exchange for free rentals for his DND club, many drama kids turned their noses up at him; except for you. You happily sat next to him at your first drama club meeting. There was something magnetic about him. From that first time you met him, you were determined to get to know him better. Your intuitions told you that he was going to be more than a background character in your own story. 

Two friends from opposite circles, opposite ends of the spectrum. As you and Chrissy left the gym fussing over new uniforms and team drama, Eddie was on the other side of the school picking his lunch kit out of the garbage, nursing a new black eye; and a freshman on his left pacing a rut into the hallway.

“Last time I stick up for you, Henderson. I swear to god…you’re lucky I have extra shirts in the drama storage.” The metalhead mumbled. His dark curls pulled back into a low bun as he dug further into the garbage can. 

“How was I supposed to know that it was Jason behind me? I didn’t mean to fall into him!” Dustin pouted. Eddie had picked him off the floor after Jason Carver had poured his gatorade down his Hellfire shirt. Eddie would never admit it, but as much as he loved his precious club, he cared for his freshmen recruits more. Jason, being the captain of the basketball team, and therefore the resident asshole, gave Eddie the shiner for his troubles, and threw his stuff in the garbage as an extra favor. You rounded the corner with Chrissy as you saw the two boys, both looking worse for wear. 

“Hey Ed - Oh my god your face!” You gasped as he turned around after finally fishing his lunch kit out of the trash.

“You should see the other guy” Eddie chuckled, and winced

“What other guy?” When he does not respond to your question you turn to the freshman who looks like he has seen a ghost. 

“J-Jason Carver. Eddie was just trying to save my ass.” Dustin squeaked, his eyes glued to his sneakers.

“Come with me”. You grab his hand and lead him to the girls locker room. Chrissy hot on your trails. 

After investigating to ensure no one else was in the changeroom, you lock the door and sit Eddie down on a bench while you enter the small infirmary to retrieve the first aid kit. Chrissy keeps her distance, but sits down beside him and flashes him a polite smile. Eddie feels a pang in his heart as he feels his cheeks start to burn red. Chrissy lets out a small giggle.

“That’s really brave what you did for that kid” Chrissy praised. 

“Ahh, there is no way Henderson would be able to take on that meathead. I gotta take care of my minions.” 

Chrissy laughs again, almost too loud. As you pace back to the two of them, you feel like an intruder. You clear your throat and both of them look away, blushing furiously. You take a long sigh as you open the first aid kit to find the ice pack and a bandaid for the small cut that has formed on Eddie’s cheekbone. He winces while you stick the bandaid on and you gently place the ice pack over his eye. His brown eyes glued to Chrissy’s as you tended to him. Once you finished, you cleaned up and the three of you returned to the bustling hallways of Hawkins High.

“Thanks for the help sweetheart. I just wish this was a spiderman bandage or something.” Sweetheart.

“Don’t sweat it Eddie. I’ll see you in rehearsal later” you smiled. Chrissy eyed Eddie up and down as you said your goodbyes and Eddie turned around to go to his next class. 

“I never realized how much of a charmer Eddie Munson is,” Chrissy pondered. You felt a pit in your stomach. As much as you loved Chrissy, Eddie was your friend first. So many of your teammates had put Chrissy as a priority over you, and you always felt like a drifter between drama and cheer - seeing as you felt you didn’t totally feel like you belonged in either.. Eddie was finally a person that you thought was yours, something that Chrissy couldn’t influence, someone that finally didn’t care about your background or where you fit on the food chain. But, lo and behold, it seems that everyone falls under the high school spell and everything always seems to be too good to be true for you.

“Yeah, he’s a cool guy I guess. He does the sound for the drama club apparently he’s got a knack for music. Walked into him playing some Black Sabbath on the guitar in the drama room.” You tried to retort calmly, but your hands were trembling. 

“Black Sabb -?Hmph. I think that is going to give me yet another reason to go to the drama room… Since he seems to be good with his hands” Chrissy giggled and intertwined her arm with yours, leading you to your shared math class. 

“Chris, please don’t just play with this one, I do really like him. I think he could be a really good friend.” Friend.

“That’s totally fine! Nothing’s gonna happen. I guess I just realized how cute he was…Maybe I should ask him to come watch us at the next game, or hang out…afterwards” Chrissy winks at you

“You’d be better off setting up a deal with him” you poke. She giggles as you both take your seats. 

You could barely focus in math, mind racing about how much Chrissy and Eddie bothered you. Was it really just the idea of him and Chrissy being better friends than you? Or were you jealous? That’s ridiculous because you liked Eddie as a friend. Just a friend. Chrissy could go out with Eddie all she wants. You aren’t the boss of her - or him for that matter. Then why are you stuck on the way your heart fluttered when he called you sweetheart? Why were you constantly seeking him out in the hallways?

No. It can’t be. You’re just friends. 

October 1985

Your body was radiating with anxiety during afternoon rehearsals.The pit in your stomach had grown to a full ache in your chest whenever you heard Chrissy talk about Eddie. The more you taked with him, the more you wanted to reach out and touch him, to hug him and tell him that he was the greatest, most interesting person you had ever met. But again, everything seems way too good to be true because every time you hung out with Eddie, Chrissy seemed to make her way into conversation.

 Eddie was teaching a freshman how to use the new sound board and you could barely get out your lines. All you could think about is Eddie and Chrissy in the locker room. Your performances were so uninspired that Mr. Taylor ended your scene rehearsals early. Your scene partner Eric gave you an apologetic pat as you both reunited with the rest of the drama club. Eddie sauntered up behind you and wrapped his arms around your shoulders. 

“How’s it going superstar?” He leaned his chin on the top of your head.

“Hey Eddie. I’m okay, trouble focusing today. I’m totally flubbing today.”

“Hey, so I had a question for you… about Chrissy”. You tensed up and broke away from him. You turned to face him but could not look him in the eyes.

“Umm, yeah what’s up?” There comes that ache you knew all too well. You could see it happening now, him finally choosing her over you. 

“Is she single? What’s the deal? Is she dating any basket boys I should be worried about?” He poked at you nervously. You tried to let a laugh escape to ease the tension but all that came out was an exasperated wince. 

“No, she’s single.. Do what you want Ed.” you mumbled. You could feel the tears threatening to well up. You brush past him and pick up your bag to head to the gym. Eddie’s eyes follow you out, but he couldn’t bring himself to go after you. What was your deal?

You trudged off the field after an exasperating practice after an exhausting rehearsal. You were so excited to leave this day in the past, grab some junk from the supermarket with Chrissy and hunker in for an evening of studying. In the locker room, Sarah and Tiffany giggle and look at you and Chrissy. 

“Hey Chris, we were wondering if you wanted to come to the mall with us right now. We were going to pick up some outfits for Halloween!” Tiffany briefly meets your gaze and looks back to Chrissy. 

“Yeah sure!” the blonde chirped “We would love to! Y/N and I were just going to-”

“Oh, well we only have room for one..” Sarah sneered. Chrissy looks at you with her beautiful brows furrowed into a perfect pout. You knew she wanted to go with them. You felt bad for making Chrissy sacrifice her social standing to hang out with you. You knew she wanted to go, but would never tell you. You decided to take the fall for her… the undesired yet again.

“Yeah, that’s fine, I got lots of homework to do anyways” you brushed off. “I’ll call you later Chris.”

“I’ll come over after!” Chrissy lazily offered as you packed your bag up and left the locker room.

You left with holes in your heart. All you wanted was your people to stay yours. You didn’t understand why that was so difficult.

The shrill ring of your landline woke you from your desk - having fallen asleep while finishing homework. You flopped onto your bed and picked up the phone.

“Hello?” You yawned.

“Babe, I have to tell you about my evening!!” Chrissy squealed, she barely let you greet her.

“Oh, you mean the evening you were supposed to spend with me studying?” you jabbed. You felt bad for taking your insecurities out on Chrissy, but you couldn’t help it. 

“Oh come on now. This will make up for it.”

“Alright get on with it then.” You rolled your eyes and rolled on to your back.

“So you will never believe who me, Tiffany and Sarah ran into at the mall!”

“Ummm… John Cusak” You joked dryly. 

“No you silly! Eddie!” Chrissy yelped. “And do I have news for you!!”

You jolted up and immediately gave the call your full attention. This could not end well - either for Eddie or you.

“Sarah and Tiffany let you talk to Eddie in public?” you snorted. The insecurity seeping through the receiver.

“Well, kind of. We joked that the party next week would be best with something other than just the alcohol if you know what I mean” you could practically hear Chrissy’s eyebrows wagging. “So they dared me to go set up a deal with him… and I could see him practically drooling over me! I think he might like me, babe. And I think that I really like the fact that he does” she giggles maliciously. Attention. As kind and beautiful as Chrissy was, she was used to the attention, she thrived off of it. It worried you, the fact that there were hordes of guys that had been left in her wake so she could have an ego boost or something to do on a Friday night. 

“Chris, are you sure that’s, like, a good idea? What if you really hurt him?”

“Oh come on, Y/N, its just a bit of fun. Nothing serious! So anyways, I went over to his trailer about an hour ago and he asked for my number! Ugh!” Your excitement wasn’t reciprocated like Chrissy had hoped. Her squeals being the only ones that echoed between the two of you.

“What’s wrong? Why aren’t you excited?” Chrissy questioned. 

“I just - you’re both my friends, I just don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

“Ugh you worry way too much. It’s just some harmless fun! Loosen up, maybe then you could get some dates yourself!” she chided. You knew she was joking but it was the last blow to your breaking heart “ Anyways, I gotta get off the line just in case he tries to call! Love you!” with that you hear a click and the dead line. You sigh as you put your phone back on the receiver and flop back down onto your pillows.

You always hated halloween. It was an excuse for anyone your age to dress up in some sort of sexy reiteration of some sort of animal or cartoon character and to get sloppy drunk in someone’s trashed house, unbeknownst to their absent parents. That is exactly where you found yourself; Chrissy on one side of the couch, Tiffany on the other, you smooshed in the middle (as per Chrissy’s request)  and half of the basketball and cheer team sat in a messy circle on the floor. How you got yourself roped into spin the bottle, you would never know, but your makeshift devil horns were giving you a headache and as much as you loathed blacking out in random people’s houses, you were nursing your fourth drink of the night (and were definitely feeling the buzz). Between the noise of people talking over each other, the blaring music, and Chrissy constantly blabbing about how much time she and Eddie have been spending together, you felt like your brain was going to explode. The only option that you really saw for the evening was to forget all about it like half of the Hawkins High population at the party. 

Jason grabbed the empty bottle in the middle of the circle and spun it with vigor. Everyone waited in anticipation to see who would be the lucky girl to get to kiss the king of Hawkins high. The room fell hushed as you looked at the bottle, which was pointing directly at you. You immediately felt like you were going to throw up. Since that day in the hallway with Eddie, you always held some animosity for Jason. The last thing you wanted to do was kiss the guy who went after one of your other best friends. Jason chuckled and elbowed his minions on either side of him, all of them snickering deviously. He stood from his spot and stalked across the circle towards you. You chuckled nervously and went to get out of your spot on the couch. 

“Hah, don’t mean to kill the vibe, but suddenly I don’t really feel like playing anymore.” You push yourself off the couch and go to step over some people sitting on the floor but Jason grabbed your wrist. Hard. You felt the world spinning around you, unsure if it was your sudden anxiety, or the alcohol. You could hear the faint whispers of Chrissy and Tiffany behind you, and you were suddenly aware of the 20 pairs of eyes locked on you. You tried to pull away from him with no avail.

“Come on, don’t be a prude. Let me give you the best kiss of your life, seeing as the only person you’ve boned is the freak” He pulled you into his chest and held your face in his hands. He pressed his mouth to yours, trying to weasel his tongue inside your pressed lips. You finally got the strength to push him away with a cry in disgust. You wanted to slap him but your bones now felt like jello and your feet cemented to the floor.

“She hasn’t boned the freak! She hasn’t boned anyone!” Chrissy laughed, not realizing that her retort did more harm than good. You wished the ground would swallow you whole. Finally, you muster your strength to move. You didn’t want any of these assholes to see you cry, to give them the satisfaction.

“Thanks, Chris” you whisper before running out of the room and up the stairs to the crowded living room. You were desperate for some air. Everything around you felt like it was constricting you, choking you. All you could hear was laughter and your vision felt like it was pinholing. You slide out of the front door to sit on the steps. You breathe deeply, looking around to make sure that there was no one around before you let your tears fall.

Chrissy made an attempt to go after you. After rolling her eyes and giving Tiffany a tight smile, she lifter herself off of the couch and pranced up the stairs to the rest of the party. She looked around the scatterings of people, but didn’t see you. She slid her way through the hallway into the kitchen, where her eyes found someone else she had been casually looking for all evening. She stumbled towards a mop of chocolate curls and wrapped her arms around him, hands covering his eyes.

“Guess who?” she slurred. 

“Hey pretty girl.” Eddie turned to her to give her a proper embrace but quickly took a step back. “Don’t know if you want to be seen doing that to me right now” he chuckled nervously. Eddie understood what being seen with him meant and as little as he cared for his own reputation, he cared greatly for hers

. Chrissy looked him up and down and fully realized the metal head’s beauty. Pale skin kissed with dark ink, beautiful brown eyes that shone - especially when he talked to her, lean figure and crooked smile. She felt like her brain was going to short circuit.

“You’re right” Chrissy cooed. “Maybe we should go somewhere a little more private so we could talk” She took his hand and led him up the stairs to a quiet hallway full of closed doors. They rounded a corner and they sank down the wall to sit on the floor, Chrissy totally forgetting about her mission to find you and Eddie being blissfully ignorant to your conundrum.

You had collected yourself and knew there was no way you could stay at the party. As much as you loathed going back into the chaos and as angry as you were at Chrissy, you couldn’t allow yourself without letting her know that you were leaving and how angry you were. When reentered the house, the first faces you were met with were Jason and his posse of meatheads. You averted your gaze but heard their snickers anyway. You refused to give him the satisfaction or the tears, so you kept moving, keeping your eyes glued to the linoleum. The tightness of your chest multiplied with the number of rooms you checked where you did not see a perky blonde ponytail. You needed to find Chrissy; you needed to give her a piece of your mind; you needed to leave. But everything was deafening. Things were getting fuzzy.  Determined to get a grip and find your friend, you trot up to the top floor of the house, in search of a quiet place to collect yourself. You were met with a long hallway full of closed doors. You continue down the hallway, checking doors to see if you could find a bathroom. When you round the corner of the dim upstairs, your breath gets caught in your throat.  You see Eddie sitting on the floor, Chrissy in his lap, their mouths messily mashed together. Everything came tumbling down. The combination of alcohol and shock makes you wrack out a gasp of air. Both Eddie and Chrissy looked up but with very different expressions. Chrissy looked almost proud of her conquest, ignorant to the hurt you were already feeling towards her. Eddie, on the other hand, looked mortified - turning a bright red. The look of betrayal was clear across your own face as tears threatened to fall again. 

“Im - I’m going to go.” you don’t wait for either of them to get up. Eddie pushes Chrissy to her feet and gets up to go after you. Chrissy grabs his arm

“Eddie, wait!”

“Chrissy, I am so incredibly sorry, but I need to go make sure she’s okay” He goes to move away from her but she stops him again and pulls him in for a chaste kiss.

“Please don’t let this be the last time we do this” she whispers into his ear and drops his hand. Eddie turns a bright pink and leaves her with a smile.

You trudge through the house, tunnel vision honing in on the front door. The urge to vomit increased tenfold. Eddie catches up to you. You hear him calling out for you but you can’t turn back. Too embarrassed and heart broken (and drunk) to be able to handle what you saw in an unfamiliar place, in front of strangers nonetheless. You swung open the front door and ran down the front steps. Eddie trudges after you, clearly upset about what you had seen. There was no way he was going to let this get between the two of you. 

“Y/N Wait” He sounds desperate. You turn to him and roll your eyes. 

“What? Is it not what it looks like?” you laugh dryly. “You don’t need to explain anything to me, I’m going home.” You turn to leave. You couldn’t take another person pitying you. You understood where you were on the food chain. Yet another person to think of you as second best to Chrissy.

“Sweetheart, you shouldn’t walk by yourself this late at night.” Eddie chides. The alcohol had finally given you the bravery you had been needing for the past hour. 

“Don’t do that. Don’t sweetheart me when you are literally going to go back inside and suck face with my best friend. Just - go. Enjoy the rest of your night Eddie. I’ll be just fine.” The tears freely falling down your cheeks didn’t convince him. He takes a step towards you but you turn to walk away,

“Why are you so angry with me about Chrissy? I thought I didn’t need to explain anything to you, but you seem really fucking mad at me”. Eddie’s words stop you dead in your tracks. He’s angry? With you? Instead of actual vomit, the words that come out of your mouth leave uncontrollably.

“She doesn’t like you Eddie. She likes the attention. She doesn’t like you like I do. She doesn’t care about you like you deserve to be cared about. And she likes the fact that I care about you way too much. Chrissy has to have everything. I can’t have anything to myself, but yet again no one gives a shit about me, about how I feel. How much I care because as long as Chrissy is there, she will always be number one. You are just  another conquest for her and ,and she is just using you” You stand your ground, chest heaving. There is a sense of relief that you stood your ground but you immediately knew you said to much.

“E-Eddie, wair-”

“You think that I don’t know that she’s using me?”

“What?”

“Look, Y/N I am really really sorry that you care about me and I am really sorry that you feel that way about Chrissy. But I really like her. So I’m cool if she thinks that she wants to have some fun for now. I’ll let her as long as she’ll have me. Just -  please stop caring about me, sweetheart. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I want to be your friend but, fuck -I might be in love with Chrissy. I think I have been for a long time, but just finally let myself feel it..”

You stood in shock. Your heart shattered to a million pieces. Eddie’s did too. He loved having you as a friend and he loved having you in his life, but he couldn’t imagine kissing you like he did Chrissy, taking you on dates like he wanted to with Chrissy, going to prom like he wished he would with Chrissy. Not you. 

“Forget we ever had this conversation”. You turned on your heels and walked away. Hoping that Eddie would stop you and tell you that this was all a joke, that you were worth it, that you were his favorite and that he felt the same way about you. And even though being Chrissy’s friend was draining a lot of the time, you did  always have her. But everything changed in one night. This is the first night that you have ever felt completely  alone. You crossed your arms over your torso and started your walk home.

The next days and weeks went on as normal. Eddie seemingly didn’t tell Chrissy about your conversation because the phone calls never ceased. She still met you by your locker and she still intertwined her arm with yours when you walked. Eddie's gaze was aimed more at Chrissy and nights where you and Eddie normally hung out were now filled with secret rendezvous with the blonde. Although he still acted like your old Eddie, you felt a coldness from him. His smile never seemed genuinely happy and his eyes stopped glowing when he saw you. You kept quiet in efforts not to lose your only true friends at the school, but your shattered heart was refractured after every phone call you got from Chrissy, every detail you heard about their meetups or how soft his hands were or how great his kisses were.. You felt like you were crashing and burning but you kept up your facade to ensure you could salvage your fractured friendship, and every time you hung up your phone, you curled into your pillow and cried because although things were seemingly as they were supposed to be, you had never felt so out of place and isolated in your life.

You were waiting for Chrissy to come over, books sprawled across your kitchen table in anticipation for your study session for your semester finals. She was over an hour late.You sighed as you pulled out your flashcards and started to review in an attempt to salvage the time you had already wasted. You were interrupted by your phone ringing. 

“Hello?”

“Babe oh my god I am so sorry I am running behind but you are never going to guess what happened!!” 

“What’s that Chris?”

“Eddie Asked me to be his girlfriend!!”

Part 1 when?

[makuzume]

🔅Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist🔅

Requests always open :: Default is gn!reader :: req rules

🏅Popular; ⭐️Author's Favs; 🚺Fem; 🚹Masc; 🌈Queer

SMAU📱💬 (more in series list at the bottom👇)

🔅 Texting Them You're Pregnant 🚺

[Gojo, Nanami]🏅

[Geto, Ino]

[Sukuna, Toji] ⭐️

🔅 Texting Them During the Shibuya Incident

[Toji] ⭐️

[Nobara, Shoko, Yuta]

🔅 Reacting to Your Handsome Photo 🚹

[Ino, Nanami, Gojo, Megumi]

[Choso, Toji, Shoko, Sukuna, Toge]

🔅 Giving Them A Cute Bento Box

[Megumi, Yuji, Yuta, Maki]

[Gojo, Ino, Geto]

🔅 They Forget About Your Birthday [Part 1] [Part 2]🏅

🔅 You "Forget" Their Birthday (As Revenge)🏅

[Part 1]

[Part 2.1 Toji/Nanami] 🆕

🔅 You Betrayed and Used Them [Part 1] 🆕

🔅 [Failed Surprise For Your Birthday]

🔅 [Having a Girl Gym Trainor Prank] 🚺

🔅 [They Can't Open a Bottle/Jar]

🔅 [Texting Them "Have you seen my phone?"]

🔅 [Telling Them You're Bisexual] 🌈

🔅 [Confessing You're Getting a Top Surgery!] 🌈

🔅 [Asking You If They Can "Stack on it"] 🚹

🔅 [They Try to Flirt! (They Don't Know How)] 🚹 🆕

🔅 [Comforting Geto After the Riko Incident]

🔅 [bf! Sukuna Comforts Reader Having A Bad Day]

🔅 [bf! Sukuna Pretends to Know About Periods] 🚺

🔅 [Sukuna's POV: Asking Uraume About Periods] 🚺⭐️

NON-SMAU✍️📖 (long fic, headcannons, etc.)

🔅 [Toge Accidentally Uses his Cursed Speech on You] ⭐️

🔅 [The Last Time You Talk to Yuta]

🔅 [Reaction to Fixing Their Necktie]

🔅 [Sukuna Kills Yuji's Lover]

🔅Jujutsu Kaisen Series List🔅

smau:📱|| long fic:📖|| drabbles/headcannons:🗣️|| angst: 🥀|| fluff:🧸|| smut:🔞|| crack:🎭|| mature themes:⚠️|| mild of whatever category: 🤏

🇵🇭Filipino AU Series🇵🇭

In an alternate universe where the JJK characters live as... FILIPINOS??! (Crack!; No specific order; Various AUs)

JJK Characters as Your Filo Delivery Rider 📱🎭⭐️

🔅Toge Accidentally Uses His Cursed Speech on You🔅

What becomes of Toge after the recent traumatic events from Shibuya? Will he be the same? How does it affect him? Worried, you were persistent to see him so you can comfort him, but hese complicated feelings caused him to unintentionally do the unthinkable.

i/ii. Part 1 and Part 2 📱📖🥀

iii. Part 3 📖🥀

iv. Part 4 📖📱🤏🥀/🧸🆕

v. Part 5

🔅A fucking Sukuna fic no one asked for that I wrote when I was possessed coming who knows when🔅

In the works: endless WIPs♾️

👇Tags to find per character👇

[kenyaru]

STILL HURTS | 01

SO THIS IS HEARTBREAK..

synopsis | maximilian goof has made one of the most goofy decisions ever: he forgave bradley uppercrust. he sat there, accepted his apologies after getting kicked out of the Gammas and actually became friends with him, trusting that he would have change and to not hold a grudge, just like his dad said. albeit against his best friends' wishes, he and uppercrust got closer, and eventually a somewhat-friendship turned into a romance. but, a year or so later, bradley did the unthinkable, leading to their breakup. was he wrong to trust? genre | angst, heartbreak, making up(?), oneshot pairing | max goofy x bradley uppercrust iii (maxley) warnings | implied internalized homophobia, mild cursing, angsty word count | 1.76k author's note | hii! i finally posted part 1 of this fic! this is heavily inspired by 'a seriously goofy romance' by pidge030 on ao3. this is my first time writing with these characters that already have some spitefulness, so i hope you enjoy it! lmk if you would like a part 2 :> ______________________________________________________________

One month. It’s been exactly one month since he and Bradley broke up. One month since their huge argument had caused him to walk out on the other and only a few weeks since Bradley had tried to contact him and soon stopped all together. Max hated to admit it, but he regretted how he acted, but how could he not react badly? Max sat up in bed, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair. He was just trying to relax after a long day of classes, but Bradley’s words clouded his mind. I can’t believe you- cheating on me..I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you, Goof. 

It was the audacity in Bradley’s mind to accuse Max for something like that, knowing that Max had liked, and had come to love, Bradley more than ever. He felt more for Bradley than he felt for anyone; the way he got butterflies when the others bought him flowers or would compliment him in his own sort-of rude way. He recalled Bradley mentioning him talking to some girl in a way that seemed flirtatious and he responded by saying that Bradely had his assumptions; that he used Max’s sexuality against him. 

Maybe Bobby and P.J. were right to be skeptical. When Bradely got kicked out of the Gammas and was trying to make amends, his best friends were the first people on the hate-train, not wanting to forgive the brunette. Max, still in his own feelings, reluctantly decided to let him in. Some advice his father gave him was to not hold a grudge and try to see past the mistake. At some point, Bradley had been interested in Max joining them, even if it was just to win.

One thing led to another and they went from close friends to a couple. Well, until now.

Max checked his clock, noticing it was nearly 6 and decided to go for a skate to calm himself before going to eat dinner. Bobby and P.J. were at the Bean Scene last he remembered, but that was over an hour ago, before he got into his funk over Bradely. He had blocked the brunette’s number after the first few messages, not wanting to hear his pitiful apologies.

Even though he seemed angry and not affected, he still cried some nights, he still felt the pain in his chest, he still looked at the photos he and Bradely took during their year of being together. He was a junior in college now, he shouldn’t be held up by some guy that graduated already. He fortunately unfortunately still got to see Bradely on campus as he was studying for his PhD and was working in the library sometimes for whatever reason he mentioned; Max must have been too angry to remember. 

Max physically shook his head, putting on his shoes and adjusted his sweatshirt, picking up his skateboard and walking out of his dorm room. He wasn’t going to think about Bradely anymore, fill his head with memories and feelings he wanted to forget. He headed for the skating area, skating past the empty roads on campus. Hm, maybe everyone was at the Bean Scene right now, which most likely meant Bradely too. 

Once he got there, Max went to the ramp and skated down, doing a trick and feeling the cool breeze on him as he moved quickly on the board. He missed this feeling, this carefreeness that he lacked in the past few weeks, few days even. He felt so congested, like his life was missing something. Skating was something he enjoyed before Bradely, so he thought it wouldn’t hurt as much, yet skating did remind him of how they met, how they got to dating in the first place, how they learned to work together and move past their previous disagreements that made them ‘enemies.’ 

Max continued to do tricks, flipping the board mid-air and landing, focused on what was ahead instead of the board itself, forcing himself to not get caught up in his thoughts and accidentally fall. He was doing good, so good, until he looked over, and caught a glimpse of brunette hair. Before he knew it, he was stumbling and before he could catch himself, he was on the ground in the middle of the skating rink.

He looked up, only to see a completely different person walking past the rink, looking over for just a moment before continuing their walk. He sighed, putting his head against the concrete. He panicked because he thought it was Bradely, because he thought it was the one person he didn’t- well, maybe he did, want to see. He was royally fucked up.

—------ 

Back in the dorms, Max laid back on his bed, phone in hand as he scrolled through his social media, going to Bradley’s profile on instinct and seeing that he hadn’t made any new posts since the breakup. Everything was still up; the pictures of them on their first date, the X-Games from that year and pictures of himself and the group. He closed the app, opening up the messaging app and seeing Bradely’s as a pin. Though he blocked him, he never removed him from his pins. He shouldn’t be reminiscing, looking back at these messages, possibly putting himself in a deeper funk. But he couldn’t stop himself, he wanted to, he missed him. 

He opened his messages with Bradely and finally saw the stream of texts that he had ignored when it was first sent. Angel? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to accuse you. Can we please talk? Please, let me explain. Call me back. Max, please. I love you, I feel terrible. I get it, you need space.

Max repeated the last message in his head, practically hearing Bradley's voice, the imagination making his heart break. Angel was what Bradely had begun calling him, stating the reason was that when he first saw him on a skateboard, he saw an Angel in Max. Max hated that he couldn’t be mad anymore, that even though it still hurt like hell to be accused like that, his feelings for the other had overridden that. Maybe it was time for him to step up, stop hiding and speak to him again. Clearly, Bradely still cares or he wouldn’t have spammed him for a week. 

He checked the time, noting it was a bit past 8:30 now. Had he really sat there for nearly half an hour staring at some messages? He sighed and unblocked the number, hesitating on how to start the message. Should he be apologetic or upfront? Should he even be doing this at all? His thoughts were interrupted when P.J. and Bobby entered the dorm, making him flinch and nearly drop his phone.

“You still in here all depressed, man?” Bobby asked, kicking off his sneakers and climbing onto the top bunk. 

“Ha, ha, very funny. I’m doing just fine, actually.” Max retaliated, sitting up and putting his phone to the side. 

“Really? ‘Cause your face tells a different story, like you were contemplating life or death just now or something.” P.J. adds, sitting down on the bottom bunk and taking off his own shoes. “If this is about Bradley, we told you to just talk to him about it. You know he would never hurt you intentionally. That dude loves you.”

Max sighed, taking in what was said by his friends. They were right; in the year or so that he had been dating Bradely, he had always been clinged onto him, praising him and striving to be the best versions of themselves together. Though they had a rough start, it was clear that Bradley’s attraction towards him was real. He ran a hand through his hair, considering it. “Alright, maybe I will..soon.” Max picked up his phone, looking at Bradley’s contact again, the picture of them staring back at him. Bradleys toothless small smile compared to his wide grin. “Nuh-uh, not soon, tomorrow. The more you hold off, the more you’re going to procrastinate and the cycle will start all over again.” Bobby urged, pointing down at Max assertively. “Whatever you’re about to do, do it. Let him know you’re still into him- you are still into him, right?”

Max nodded, returning the look at Bobby. “Of course I am..I can’t stop thinking about him.” “Okay, so put on your big boy pants and let him know!” Bobby exclaimed, encouraging the other. 

“Bobby’s right, if you want him back, and to get on good terms, you need to accept his calling.” P.J. added, already laying down as the conversation continued. Max opened up the chat again and started typing, letting his hands do the work as he typed out whatever came to his mind that he thought would be appropriate. 

Hey, you were right. I needed some space. I’m ready to talk if you’re ready to explain. Max let out a sigh of relief as he sent the message, putting his phone on the nightstand as he laid down, anxiously waiting for a reply. He looked back up to see what the others had to say, but he saw both Bobby and P.J. already asleep. They were out all night and didn’t really sign up to be his therapists on the situation, so they had no reason to really stay awake for this. 

Within a few minutes of staring at his ceiling, moments from falling asleep, his phone pinged. Max quickly took his phone and saw the incoming message from Bradley. Alright. Meet me at the Bean Scene, 6am tomorrow. It’s usually empty at that time, so we can talk then. 

Max felt his heart thump in his chest, both of worry and excitement. He would be seeing Bradely again, be in his presence and see him face to face for the first time in what felt like forever. He sent a thumbs up emoji before putting his phone on the charger and getting up. He nearly forgot he had on his outdoor clothes, unlike his friends. He chuckled softly to himself and quickly headed to the bathroom to change into some pajamas before returning.

Once back in bed, Max got comfortable in his covers and rested his head on the cool pillow. He closed his eyes, trying to relax and fall asleep. Tomorrow, he will be seeing his love again. Tomorrow they were going to talk it out and hopefully he would get the closure he would need. Was he even ready to forgive as much as he convinced himself he was? Fuck, he was so scared for tomorrow.

______________________________________________________________

[everythingmp3]

𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞

𝐓𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐨𝐬 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

after having given into the pull you feel towards each other, both you and Tess are left to deal with all the intense emotions of possibly falling in love: the thrill, the joy, the courage it takes to fully open your hearts up. you spend a few days growing even closer, figuring out how to let go of all fear and embrace the bliss of having each other.

author’s note: (part 2 of this fic!). I’d definitely go read at least the description of part one before reading this one!originally I wasn’t gonna make it multiple parts but some really sweet feedback made me go back and this is basically an exploration of the early stage of falling in love, it delves much deeper into both of their feelings but there’s also some humor and lightness in there, Joel has a few appearances, it’s pretty long so there’s a lot in there. also again I never played the game, this is about Anna’s Tess! enjoy <3

warnings: minors dni. smut (reader receiving, oral), some discussions of heavier personal issues but nothing dark

wordcount: 13.7k

the next morning Tess woke up the same exact way she´d woken up all the mornings before in Jackson: right around 7:30, the sun casting the same shadows onto her floor, laying on the same side of the bed, but she felt completely different. usually she felt nothing that early in the day, but that morning as she came to her senses, the images of what had happened the night before, of you, immediately flooded her mind and left her in a state of blissful half-consciousness, a daydream that made her stay in bed a little longer. 

at the same time Tess also felt a quiet sense of dread, knowing that she would have to be subtle about her feelings for you whenever others were around, and she was self aware enough to know that she was anything but subtle; once she let herself grow attached to someone, it went from indifference to obsession in no time, she was not one for “taking it slow”, she´d never been, but thankfully she had a feeling you weren´t either.

still, it had been a while since anyone had gotten through to her the way you had, since she´d let anyone close at all, so all of a sudden she remembered just how intense she was when she truly cared. part of it was a deep need to protect you, to make sure you felt safe because of her presence, even when she was not in the room with you, her standards for what she should be for those she loved were high, even more so with you than with anyone before and Tess realized very quickly how incapable she was of being casual about what happened, how unthinkable it was to just see where it would go without already feeling devoted to you. 

when she thought back to how you had looked at her the night before, how you´d put your heart in her hands, trusting she´d know what to do with it, it almost made her lose her mind with the desire to go out there and find you and have you in her arms again, to feel your body relax into hers again, to give you the relief you so clearly needed and for some miraculous reason found in her presence. but of course it wasn´t all that noble, deep down there was also a simple visceral aspect to it, the vision of your body under hers was burned into her mind and no amount of self control could conceal the truth: that she wanted to get her hands on you again, desperately.

sitting at the edge of her bed that morning, it all came crashing over her, so after about ten minutes of staring into space she told herself to get a grip, got up, and splashed some cold water on her face before joining Joel for breakfast downstairs. 

as she walked into the kitchen she could see Joel pouring two cups of coffee and she was glad he had his back turned, so she could brace herself for a second before talking. Tess sat down at the table and Joel wordlessly put the cup down before taking his place opposite her, leaning back and taking a sip as he regarded her with a knowing grin, “so... sleep well? any sweet dreams?” his voice lowered for emphasis on those last two words, she shot him a slightly stern look, “absolutely none I´d share with you” he knew she was one for overthinking so he was trying to get her to relax a little, make the mood lighthearted, “right, fair enough. but you do look.. I don´t know you usually look more tired at this hour, you have a certain glow”, she took a sip and watched him gesture at her, her eyes narrowed, “a glow? are you trying to be a poet, Miller?”, he kept looking at her, amused, “no I just mean-”, she finished his thought, “you mean the “this person finally got laid” glow? that one?”, not expecting that he laughed, “hey you said it not me” throwing his hands up theatrically. 

she shook her head, finally cracking a smile too, “yeah I really don´t know what the fuck is happening to me Joel” she admitted, drumming her hands on the table, spaced out for a moment, he leaned forward to talk more seriously then, “well. it´s simple isn´t it”, she knew what he meant, “you like her”, she didn´t look at him but made a “hmm” sound of agreement, fidgeting with her hair. 

Joel was almost endeared by seeing his jaded friend so uncharacteristically out of it, nothing made her nervous back in the QZ, ever, not gunfire, not a group of men that are were a few heads taller than her, not even while getting beaten up did she ever seem afraid, he could count on one hand the amount of times he´d seen her lose her cool, so watching her hard facade crumble because of a girl, it made him discover a side of her he hadn´t seen in all the years they´d known each other, and it was moving to him in a way, that of all things love would be the thing to force her to her knees, to render her defenseless. 

“I think I should keep it to myself right? I mean we should be discreet about it?” he considered it, “I mean. I will say I have seen much stranger couples around town, truly some odd fuckin´pairs that make you two look boring as hell, but I won´t lie, it would probably take a little time for people to.. you know get it. what you two have”. she understood, that was what she´d thought, “yeah I think it might be smart to keep it private. even though I´d fucking hate for her to feel like I´m ashamed or something, that´s the last thing I am. I mean fuck, if anything I´d wanna brag”, he crossed his arms, shifting his posture, “can´t blame you, I think you could get some really priceless reactions out of the younger guys who tried their luck with her, when they realize that their biggest competition was some strange out of town woman”. Tess laughed then, feeling some tension leave her body, enjoying that age old feeling of not having to censor herself at all around him, “yeah. that would be pretty fucking entertaining.”. he downed the rest of his coffee and said one last thing on the issue, “whatever you decide in the end, just know, if anyone ever does give you two trouble, I´ll take care of it, alright? they won´t do it twice.” since they´d been in Jackson, Joel had turned into a more gentle, polite version of himself to blend in, that morning was the first time his old self came back to the surface, the first genuine threat of violence Tess had heard from him since they´d arrived, and it felt good, to know that he was still always on her side, always ready to jump to her defense, even when she was being reckless and getting into something that he easily could have judged her for. 

“so, we´re starting on the attic today right?” Tess said as she got up and put away the cups, “yes, I think it needs a paint job, the windows are a little fucked, and some floorboards are loose, but other than that it should be pretty nice in no time”, since they´d arrived in Jackson a few weeks earlier they´d been planning on how to fix up their house, both of them eager to prove that they were capable of proper physical labor. “but it´s still early, there´s not rush, if you wanna.. you know get some air, walk around before being stuck up there” it was probably a good idea for her to clear her head, so she got her jacket and stepped out. 

it was a foggy morning, she couldn´t even see all the way down the street as she slowly made her way towards the center of town. of course she knew there was a chance of running into you but she still felt a rush of adrenaline when she reached the outside of the dining hall and saw you sitting there on a bench by yourself, you didn´t see her as she came closer, so for a moment she just stood there, looking at you, reminding herself that the urge to embrace or kiss you would have to wait til later, telling herself to keep her instincts in check before briefly resting her hand on your shoulder to make you turn around. the moment you looked at her and smiled, Tess remembered just how little it took for you make her feel warm, even in the icy morning air, and you saw it, how glad she was to see you, for a moment it felt like an extended dream, like something you´d imagined, but it was real, her touch brief but the impact lingering on after.

“hey!” you said, your tone different than if anyone else had stood there, excitement in there that was not typical for you, shifting the way you were sitting to make space for her, “come, please, sit” she nodded, “so, how are you?” she asked, sitting down next to you, “better than ever actually, for some reason” you said, an ironic inflection, seeing the satisfied look on her face as she answered, “yeah, me too”, the town was still waking up and hardly anyone was around, so you allowed yourself to reach for her hand, her grip on you strong and reassuring, the warmth of her palm reminding you of where else on your body it had rested the night before a slight flush on your face as you practically beamed at each other in silence, a shared moment of knowing exactly what the other person was thinking, no words were needed to know that it included things like i wish i could kiss you right now, i thought about you before falling asleep and after waking up, i am a little nervous, i have no idea when i last felt like this, if i ever did, it was all there in the air between you, locking eyes was enough to communicate it. 

once the moment passed you let go of her hand and leaned back, speaking first, “so, tell me, what are your plans today?”, while moving your leg so it would touch hers, two people sitting like that was not suspicious, it made you creative, the limitation of physical affection you could allow yourself in public, and admittedly part of it was hot, she grinned, feeling what you were doing “well, our house needs a little fixing up still, so I think we´ll be busy with that. and you?”, she kept her hands to herself but she was dying to reach out and caress your cheek, the way you were looking at her was killing her, all soft and open.“well” you gestured behind you “I´ll be in the kitchen all day. I´m on cooking duty”, “really? wow, didn´t figure you for a chef” she hadn´t pictured that as one of your jobs, “should I be offended by you sounding so surprised that I can cook?”, she laughed, “oh come on, you know what I mean, it´s hard to imagine the very limited resources in the QZ inspiring someone to learn how to cook”, she was right of course, after the outbreak the philosophy surrounding food was mostly be thankful for what you have, parents hardly bothered teaching kids elaborate culinary skills anymore, meals were a matter of survival, nothing more. “yeah I know, but I had my reasons to try my hand” she looked at you in a way that said “keep going”, “well, after my parents died and I started living with my friend her family I felt kind of self conscious about being there at times, so I guess becoming the family chef made me feel like I was useful” you smiled then, remembering something about that time, but she was hung up on the word useful, a little struck by a teenager thinking they could be considered useless by those taking care of them, it made her suspect your life with your parents hadn´t been all that easy either, it stung a bit, but she didn´t let it show. 

“so you´re telling me you were what, 15, 16, using your free time to cook for your household? you really are some kind of angel huh. I was a fucking nightmare at that age”, remembering how people had considered you tough and intimidating was becoming increasingly absurd to her, but you shook your head, “oh don´t be too quick with that assessment, I also got in trouble quite a bit” that intrigued Tess, she leaned closer, her voice lower, that tone that always went straight to your core, “oh really? how so?”, you stared at her, enjoying the genuine interest, “school was tough, I often got detention, always ended up fighting with teachers. I guess I had an authority problem” you mused, leaned your head on your arm then, looking up at her, making it even harder for her to just sit there and not touch you the way she actually wanted.

that last part was funny to her, that you were clearly not a fan of strict rules or being told what to do, including what you´d told her about Jackson being too regulated for you, but then with her you seemed to want exactly that: being taken care of, being told what to do, and she loved the idea of being an exception, that her kind of power was the kind you wanted to submit to, not push back against, it almost humbled her in a sense.“yeah I can picture that, you being too clever for them and getting on their last nerve” a pause then, “but they never seriously hurt you, did they? because I heard some awful stories about the schools in my QZ” a sudden flicker of something dark in her eyes, it was hot to you, but you reassured her, “I mean nothing crazy no. but if they did, what then? would you go out there and find them?” you joked but she didn´t smile, “maybe” you nudged her, “that´s very sweet of you, really”, but you weren´t just amused, it was an unfamiliar feeling, to have someone be that invested in your safety, even considering things that had happened long ago. she loosened up again, still, her sense of protectiveness extended even to your past self, perhaps because she felt a little guilty, that she´d grown up normally and you had to go through a lot as a kid, but in some way it also made her respect you, that you clearly possessed the strength that was required to grow up into a person as beautiful as you were, during the end of the fucking world. she was convinced you were the better person out of the two of you, there was no doubt about it to her, Tess was prideful at times but you made her feel a sense of humility that she liked. 

Tess could tell from the look in your eyes that you were were waiting for her to say something, anything, there was something pleading about it and for the second time she felt the urge to touch your face, only stopping her hand mid-air, which didn´t pass you by, you stared at her, still waiting for her to speak, she cleared her throat, “I know I put up a good front but just know it´s kind of killing me right now to sit here like we´re just friends”, you cocked your head, “we aren´t friends?” slightly teasing, she narrowed her eyes, “no. that´s not what I would call it”, a subtle grin on her face, you nodded, “if it makes you feel better I have been trying my best not to lean my head against your shoulder for the past few minutes, so...”, “don´t say that, jesus” she whispered, the image too endearing to her to be unaffected by it, you kept looking at her, not expecting the idea of a simple tender gesture like that to get to her, “yeah I should go I think this isn´t gonna end well if I stay any longer”, she sounded serious about it, and it did thrill you a little, for her to imply that you were irresistible to her. “okay. but um-” she looked at you expectantly, “yeah, what is it?” a sweetness to her tone that she never used with other people, “if you happen to take a break later, feel free to stop by in the kitchen, there´s a backdoor” you pointed to the wall at the back of the building “it´s open, I´ll be right down the hall” she nodded, charmed by your clear desire to see her again as soon as possible, which matched hers,  “okay, I´ll see what I can do” briefly touching your hand before getting up, deepening the ache of not being able to hold onto her, looking back down to where you were sitting for a moment, not wanting to leave you yet, watching you bask in the light of her attention, shifting your posture to face her. for second she thought out loud, “god. you´re so pretty..” barely audible but you did hear it, “what was that?” you teased, clearly you had heard it, she shook her head, “okay I am leaving now, you take care sweetheart”.

the next few hours passed quickly, you washed the produce, you sharpened knives, you let some things that would take longer simmer on low heat while chopping others, you were lost in the motions and didn´t register time passing. there was something that you had kept from Tess, which was that the reason you were known around town as someone who worked hard, who was eager to help out with any job at any time, had very little to do with the goodness of your heart.

it was a welcome side effect that people perceived you as diligent and reliable but the reason you took on as much work as you did was simple: it was the only reliable coping skill you had. in other environments your depressive moods and darker states of mind would have driven you to different methods of numbing yourself, but there was no secret drug scene in Jackson, the one available substance was alcohol and you were not one to drink on your own, there was no tv or other mindless entertainment to turn to, not even healthier ways of clearing your head like taking hour long walks, so the one thing you go sucked into was working yourself to a point of exhaustion, to a point where no thoughts could form anymore. the years in Jackson had been marked by various periods of deep despair, loneliness, and hopelessness, so to escape time, to escape your mind, you got into the habit of doing whatever you could to be occupied as much as possible: chopping wood for fireplaces, cleaning out the stables, sweeping the streets, helping people around their homes and in their gardens, cooking, anything, oftentimes doing so much in one day and forgetting food and drinking to a point of almost passing out on your doorstep multiple times at night.

people didn´t notice, you were good at stoically handling the pain, but it had worn you down, and even meeting Tess, being so flooded with joy, it didn´t magically kill the instinct to overextend yourself. usually people worked in shifts in the kitchen but you always told them you liked handling both lunch and dinner and to do it on your own, they bought the lie that it was relaxing to you, and some parts of it were, but you knew you´d have to stop overdoing it or eventually something ugly would happen. still, meeting Tess in the morning had left you in a better state of mind than any of the days before, that morning and early afternoon you were constantly zoned out thinking back to all the things she´d said, all the glances she´d given you, the details filling your body with a constant buzz, a lovestruck expression on your face that nobody was around to witness. 

around 2 pm Tess suggested to Joel that they should take a break and told him she´d be back in half an hour. the noises of the kitchen concealed any noise you could have picked up on as Tess walked down the hall that you´d mentioned earlier, so she saw you before you saw her as she stopped in the door frame for a moment, just watching you chop something faster and more skillfully than she ever could; other people got butterflies when they saw their lover with kids, Tess suddenly felt it as she saw you handling a potential weapon with such ease. 

she knocked to announce herself and you turned and waved her over, “oh thank god, you came!”, the enthusiasm was endearing to her, she slowly walked over to where you were standing, leaning back against a counter next to you, that painfully attractive she always had, “that´s a nice thing to hear walking into a room”, she smiled at you, taking in the sight of your face all flushed from the humid heat of the kitchen, your hair a little messed up, her knuckles straining with the suppressed need to pull you close. your gaze fell to a few streaks of white paint on her jeans that hadn´t been there earlier, you pointed at them, “so, how is that going, hm?” eyeing her, tilting your head, “not too bad, I have a lovely constant background noise of an old man complaining about his knees” she joked dryly, you laughed, “okay I see. well, I wouldn´t complain if I was in his place, getting to watch you do all that” your voice a little sultry then, she liked that you kept flirting with her even though you already clearly had her, “is that so?”, you nodded, “but I wouldn´t be much help I´m afraid, I don´t know shit about renovating”, “oh that´s fine, you could just sit there and look pretty for me”, she said, purposely drawing the words out in a low suggestive tone, watching your expression change, staring into your soul, enjoying the feeling of seeing your expression change. 

you were less timid than her, more willing to take a risk in that moment, so you dropped your knife and stepped over to where she was standing, your hands finding the sides of her neck, sending a shiver down her spine from the unexpected touch, before leaning in and kissing her the way you´d wanted to that morning, feeling her grab your face hard as she leaned into it with quite some force, both of you clearly having missed the other one even though you´d seen each other mere hours before, there was an immediate neediness to the kiss, you were making up for what you couldn´t do before kissing each other over and over, your lips turning a darker shades of red, swelling a little, her fingers in your hair, getting soft sighs out of you that drove her to deepen the kiss, just for a moment, just to hear something a little closer to a moan, she was being reckless and she knew it, but she couldn´t stop herself, and you were too wrapped up in it to deny her, chest to chest with her but still pressing yourself against her harder, until you both needed air and separated, throwing a glance to the door to make sure nobody was there, but you were alone still. 

you stepped back, straightening out your clothes and smiling with your gaze cast to the floor, hers on your side profile as she wiped her mouth, trying to breathe and get her heartbeat to a normal state again,  “I think I should abandon all this, so I can go back to your place with you, right?” she laughed, “absolutely yes.”, wishing it wasn´t just a joke. “oh by the way” you continued, more earnest then, still a little dizzy from the kiss, “I didn´t mention this earlier but if there´s anything you like to eat, tell me, and I´ll do it next time”, she nodded, “okay that´s sweet of you, I´ll think of something, but how about you don´t prepare it for everyone in town, do it for me at home instead” you grinned, realizing that she didn´t like the idea of everyone else being part of your gesture of affection, “you don´t like sharing, do you?” you weren´t talking about the food, her answer wasn´t about that either, she nodded, grinning “yeah, that´s right” her arms crossed, “alright. I´ll save my best meal for you and you alone, how about that?” you said, which was an easy way to win her over: playing into her possessiveness. “perfect. and I´ll find a way to repay you of course”, a suggestiveness to the words,  “I´m sure you will” you said, leaning back, smiling. Tess realized you two should probably plan when to really see each other again, not just in passing, “I suppose you´ll be pretty tired from all this tonight, so how about you get a good night sleep later and then tomorrow you can come over in the evening and we can do.. well whatever we want really. I´ll kick my roommate out” that got a laugh out of you, “alright, yes, sounds good to me”.

part of you wanted to protest, to suggest that you should come over later that night but you knew you would probably be better company once you were energized again. Tess moved to leave and you exchanged quick goodbyes before you turned around to continue your work, but before she could exit the door she looked back at you, and couldn´t go just yet. you stood with your back turned to her, and it was too tempting, so she walked back over, stopping once she stood right behind you.

 you felt her presence intensely but didn´t turn around, waiting to see what she was doing, a second later you felt her arms wrapping around you from behind, just below your waist, to gently pull you back against her front side, and the moment she did that she saw you putting down the knife and rest your palms flat against the counter, for some reason she knew your eyes were closed even though she couldn´t see it. she leaned close enough to your neck to leave a light kiss, your breath heavy by then, “see you tomorrow sweet girl” she whispered, counting on the fact that she´d just given you a glimpse of what to look forward to, which had worked of course, it took everything in you not to turn around and beg her to stay but you forced yourself let the feeling crash over you, to take it without breaking, so you let her hold you for a few more moments, trying desperately to soak the warmth of her hands up, before she let you go and vanished. 

walking back home, the joy Tess felt reminded her of how she often had complicated feelings about joy after the outbreak. for a long time she´d been tormented with nightmares about loved ones she´d lost, nightmares about them calling her unworthy of her survival, calling her selfish for moving on, for not being destroyed by grief, for trying to build something new for herself; she´d often woken up in a cold sweat feeling horrible about herself and ironically enough it often happened after she´d had a particularly good day. the thing was, that as she got older she realized that despite all the pain, she´d been afforded a freedom that she wouldn´t have had in her previous life. at first she felt awful for even thinking about it, but it was the truth, before she´d have grown old as a mother and wife, she´d have had very clear positions as a woman, duties to fulfill whether she felt like it or not, but somehow it had all turned out differently; there she was, after getting over the worst of it all with nobody to answer to, no spouse, no child, not even an employer, she was free to be whatever she wanted to be, and it wasn´t lost on her that that was in its own strange way a lucky position to be in. 

for a long time she´d let it get to her, the fear that she might be a horrible person for rejoicing in a freedom that was connected to a horrible loss, but that day when she walked back after having met you, none of the guilt was there, the joy she felt was light and untainted, it was solid and calm

Tess knew it was your impact in large parts that had taken away that heaviness, the way you looked at her made it much harder to see herself in a bad light, the fact someone like you, who rarely trusted anyone with their weaker side, was so ready to let her in, to accept her care, it made Tess feel like she had a purpose, like the impact she would leave on the world might not just be one of violence. during the years of Joel and her fighting their way through weeks and months lost in a haze of shared pain and rage, she´d given up on the idea of ever feeling like a good person, or even just a decent one, but when she held you, when she felt you leaning in to kiss her, when she sensed your ease around her, knowing how reluctant you usually were to get close to others, she felt like there was a goodness in her that had remained in tact, that you were drawing out of the depths of her because you needed it. 

Tess realized that sometimes self contempt did not matter, if someone saw something worth loving in her, who was she to tell them their perception was off? 

while she was thinking all that, you were having a moment of reflection yourself. once she left the kitchen you just stood there the way you´d stood before, bracing yourself against the counter, breathing a little unevenly, and for a good few minutes you didn´t continue your work because your mind was racing, your body was on fire, and you had to calm down somehow. 

at first you couldn´t identify what it was, but then you realized: your body had no idea how to handle intense joy, intense feelings of love and affection for someone, how to handle desire and ecstatic feelings of want, none of it, because you had never felt it before, it was like a new chemical had entered your system and an alarm was going off. of course you´d had moments of relaxation or contentment before, you´d had good days and you´d laughed and gathered sweet memories at times, but it had been years and years since you´d felt genuine joy, the kind that alters your whole physicality, your whole being. for so long you had lived in a state of constant numbness, you felt like a ghost at times, you were tethered to nothing, no family, no friends, no lover, not even a hometown or material possessions that made you feel grounded, nothing had really mattered to you, you floated from place to place, in Jackson you faded into the background, stopped engaging socially, spent nights on your own, days distracted by work, and then, all of a sudden, a rupture. Tess came and you were stunned into a state of openness, it felt like your body was coming out of hiding, like every part of you was hungry to feel, to feel everything, every little detail of what her presence could evoke in you, but it was not without pain at first, that process of letting yourself be alive again. 

there was a fear in you and as you stood there thinking you knew why: for the first time in your life you had something to lose. 

you´d gotten used to indifference so now that you felt so deeply for Tess, you almost panicked imagining a potential future without her, the worst case scenario played out in your head, her and Joel getting bored and leaving, her being gone one day, because now that you´d gotten a taste of love, you knew going back to living without it would eviscerate you. 

there was no going back and you had to understand that the fear was a positive kind, that part of caring was risking your heart, the risk of immeasurable loss, which was worth it, always, in order to experience immeasurable love. after a while you calmed down, focusing on the spot where Tess´s hand had lingered mere moments before, banishing anxious thoughts and letting your mind flood with the memory of her body behind yours, her scent, her lips, and it worked, your cheeks flushed and you felt your muscles relax again. 

by the time you were done cleaning up at night everyone else had left the building already and it was dark out. your limbs were aching as you walked outside and realized that it was pouring rain. for a moment you just stood there, letting the cool water soothe your exhausted body, not caring about your hair or clothes getting wet. once you walked down the road, it dawned on you that nothing seemed worse to you in that moment than going home to an empty, cold, dark house, nobody waiting for you, nobody to ask you if you´re fine, and you tried to fight the instinct, you did, but you knew where you were headed when you started walking faster. the plan had been to go to Tess the next night, to go there refreshed and in a more appealing state, but you had a visceral need to just see her, to be with her even if it would just be ten minutes, you were broken down in a way, the weeks before you´d overdone it, and the one thing you could think of that might make you feel steadier, less at risk of falling apart, was Tess´s strength, her way of touching you that infused you with calm, with warmth. 

you made your way up to Tess and Joel´s door and tried your best to not feel ashamed as you knocked, ringing the bell seemed a little rude at that hour, hoping and praying it wouldn´t be him who answered the door, and it wasn´t; shortly after you knocked, Tess opened the door, somehow less surprised to see you than you thought, wearing an oversized black sweater that suited her, her light eyes shining brighter with the contrast, and the sight of her alone could have made you cry for some reason, the gentle smile as she leaned against the door frame and said “well hello there”. 

you immediately tried to apologize for your unannounced appearance, uttering something like “sorry I know it´s late and we said tomorrow but -” but before you could finish the sentence she shook her head and waved you in, “don´t apologize, you can come by whenever you feel like it, alright?” she wanted nothing less than for you to feel hesitant around her, you nodded, feeling a little relieved as you walked in.

once you were inside and the light hit you, she saw something that others might not have picked up on because you did conceal it somewhat well, but not well enough for Tess; she could read in the way you were holding your body, the way your eyes looked that there was a fragility to you in that moment and it made her feel violently protective but she kept it in check, not smothering you with it, not yet. 

for a moment you were just standing there, unsure what to do, waiting for her to tell you, but before doing anything else she went in to embrace you, a proper hello, the kind she had denied herself that morning, her arms firm around your back, yours around her waist, your head resting on her shoulder for a moment, breathing in her fresh scent, you could tell that she´d just showered and it felt so good that you almost turned it into a desperate tight hug, the kind where you cling to someone, where it´s blatantly obvious how much you really need their comfort, but you restrained yourself, melting into her for a few seconds, feeling her hands lightly run over the fabric of your jacket, soaking up her the feeling of her being wrapped around you and letting out deep shaky breath, that she noticed, before untangling yourself and smiling at her, a tired smile, but a very genuine one. 

the urge to cry was still there, that thing of affection almost being painful when you´re in in desperate need of it, but you didn´t. she saw it and it worried her but she let it pass, giving you a moment to adjust, taking your hand in hers, “come on, let´s get you comfortable” she led you to the living room, it was just as you remembered, inviting and cozy, the faint light of the fire and a small lamp in the corner of the room, the smell of something like a scented candle, “here drink” Tess ordered as she held up a cup of tea that had been standing on the coffee table long enough to not be hot anymore, “I think you need this more than me”. you gladly accepted, it was herbal with a slight taste of honey and you imagined that she´d already taken a sip, liking the idea of indirectly kissing her by having your lips where hers had been before. 

Tess sat down on the couch and moved closer to you once you sat next to her, her hand on your cheek then which you immediately leaned into. she caressed you for a moment, studying your face from up close, enamored, “you´re exhausted, hm?” a low, sympathetic tone, “yeah.. but this is helping” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, for a moment she let you close your eyes, holding your face in her palm, before her hand moved down to your own, holding it reassuringly as she spoke “wanna tell me what´s going on sweetie?” she asked, patient, giving you time to think of answer while you laced your fingers through hers and rested your head against the couch cushion.

“yeah. it´s just-” your voice was shaky which embarrassed you a little, but she encouraged you, “go on, I´ll understand”, you knew she would, so you went on.“well I already told you about not being too happy here in general since I came here, right?” she nodded “yes”, listening intently, still holding your hand, absentmindedly running her thumb over your skin, leaning in so you wouldn´t have to speak too loudly, making it more intimate, “the past few months it just got worse and worse, before you guys came it got pretty bad. the thing is I can´t cope when I have too much time on my hands, I really can´t be alone with my thoughts for too long, so I often just kept working and working because there are no other distractions around here” you spared her the gnarlier details, “and yeah it just wore me down, and I don´t how to fucking stop that´s the thing, I don´t know what to do Tess, I don´t know how to just live and be present” your ability to mask your pain had gone away, you seemed genuinely shaken up once you got done talking, your gaze was not on her, but she wanted you to look at her, so she lifted your head with her fingers, once you looked at her you could tell her expression had turned even more concerned, “and nobody noticed that something was off? nobody was looking out for you?” you shrugged, a sort of defeated look to you.

“I live alone, and well. not everyone has me figured out the way you have” she shook her head, a flicker of anger in her eyes as it dawned on her just how exhausted you truly must be, after years of being on your own with all of that to deal with, she sounded more stern, more intense as she spoke again, leaning in for emphasis, “okay, you listen to me. I know you´re used to being on your own and having nobody to rely on, and I know it´s not easy to give that up, I do, but I´m here now, and we´ll figure it out together. alright? it will be okay” your look of doubt just made her double down “it will. you´re gonna come to me when you don´t wanna be alone with your thoughts and I´ll find a way to distract you” there it was again, her way of putting things like an order, not even giving you the chance to deny her care, so you nodded as she tenderly brushed a strand of hair out of your face,“how about you tell me what´s been on your mind, hm? that´s a start”.

you weren´t used to sharing any of your inner thoughts with someone, so it took you a moment to gather up the courage to be honest, “well, it used to be all kinds of things, dread about not having anything to do with my life here. but it changed. now it´s just one thing really”, that peaked her interest, “and what´s that?”, you paused a moment, debating whether to be that honest, but you wanted at least one person to finally know you to your core, “are you gonna leave again?”, she didn´t expect that question at all so she looked confused as she responded “leave? what...as in leave town? we just moved here like three weeks ago” there was an amused smile on her face, but she realized that you were being dead serious, your expression almost terrified while waiting for a definitive no, it went straight to her heart,“oh sweetie. come here” she said, pulling you closer by your shoulders to hold you, to soothe you by running her fingers through your hair, the moment she did that you felt tears in your eyes, clinging to her, your fingers digging into the fabric of her shirt, “I´m not going anywhere, I promise you that, I´m here for good” she whispered while continuing the gentle touches, she realized then that you had yet to know what it feels like, to be able to trust that things were gonna turn out well, that there wasn´t always some disaster waiting on the horizon. she realized that it was one thing to care for you, it was another to help you grow comfortable with that care, to accept it, to trust that it would last, that you could let go of your old habit of never growing attached to anyone or anything. 

you stayed like that for a moment, not full on crying into her shoulder, but shedding a few tears as you calmed down a little, after a while you separated and you went to wipe your eyes, laughing to yourself a little, it almost made her cry too then, to finally see a brighter expression on your face again, that smile that had won her over the moment you introduced yourself to her. “Jesus I´m sorry. I really don´t wanna be a fucking burden, I´ll get a grip now, I´ve just never felt like this about anyone..” you said while making sure your eyes were dry again, but Tess just shook her head, “you really have some self perception issue we need to work on here, getting to know you like this is not some favor I´m doing, it´s the one thing that has made coming here worth it. I´ll have you know that I was teased mercilessly all day today by Joel for constantly smiling to myself.” 

your eyes lit up then, you moved over and put your arms around her neck, looking at her from up close, getting a good look at her for the first time that day, her hands moving under your shirt, to your back, “really?” you said, clearly loving that image, your smile turning into a satisfied grin, she was beyond relieved to see the switch in your mood, “hm, you really did a number on me” you kept staring into her eyes, “well, when you left earlier I just stood there for like 15 minutes recovering so..” you confessed, she laughed, “okay so we both just spent the whole day today thinking about each other, huh?”, you leaned down to kiss her then while uttering “guess so”, your hands in her hair, kissing her more heartfelt than earlier, a distinct emotionality to it, not even making out at first but just savoring the feeling of your lips against hers, eventually getting worked up from being pressed against her and breathing heavier, her hands moving up to your face to hold you in place while you kissed but struggled at times to keep it uninterrupted, the intensity leaving you just sighing into each other´s open mouths every now and then, growing hotter from the sounds, the feeling of each others tongues only adding to it once you really abandoned restrained and turned sloppy with it, her briefly, lightly biting your lower lip, drawing a moan out of you as she grabbed your tits through your shirt, remembering that you didn´t mind when she did it a little roughly.

after a while of being all over each other getting lost in the feeling of it, you climbed off of her and Tess realized just how wet your clothes had gotten from the rain earlier, she was so distracted before that it only then struck her, she fussed with your damp shirt, “okay you need to change, this isn´t good, you´ll catch a cold”, but she wasn´t gonna send you home, no way, “wanna come up to my room? I´ll give you something fresh to wear” her voice purposely low and smooth to persuade you, which wasn´t even needed, of course you´d say yes to the promise of seeing her space, getting dressed in something that might have her lingering scent on it, “yes I´d love that” you said,  so she got up and pulled you up with her, gesturing for you to follow her. 

after you made your up the stairs to the first floor, Tess went in ahead of you to turn on a few small lights, telling you to make yourself at home, and the second you saw her bed, which was considerably bigger than yours, it hit you just how tired you were, so you made your way to the end of the bedrame and sat down with your legs dangling off, taking in the details of her room. it was pretty impressive to you: two large wood paneled windows on each wall that faced the garden, a tree so close to them that you could see its outline even in the dark, a long full body mirror in the corner, a door that seemed to open to a walk in closet, beautiful wallpaper with a subtle flower print, you knew she might have chosen a slightly less feminine touch but it was undeniably a great space for her to have to herself, “damn this might be the nicest room I´ve seen in this town” you marveled as she lit a candle on her night stand, “yeah I know, I got pretty fucking lucky here”, Tess was looking at you as she said this, not at her space. 

secretly you were already kind of imagining the room as partially yours, knowing there was a good chance you´d come back again and again, a smile on your face as you she made her way over to where you were sitting, standing in front of you then, sort of towering over you which you liked, “okay, we should get you out of these now”, which you took as a cue to undress but before you could undo even do anything she gently pushed your hand away, “no, let me do that for you”, not wanting you to life another finger after having had an exhausting day, so you gave in, gladly, smiling up at her as her eyes fell to where her hands got busy with opening your shirt, a quick succession of undoing buttons, she wasn´t fumbling at all her hands were steady, and it did turn you on, to have her handle you with such care, you were at a loss almost as she pulled your arms out of the sleeves as if she didn´t want to break you, gently, a stark contrast to her generally not very inviting aura, which vanished into thin air around you.

she wanted nothing more than to wrap you in a feeling of safety, of being held. your tank top was also far from dry, and you saw her hesitate but you almost begged her then, “go on”, wanting the intimacy of being exposed, being seen, she nodded, realizing that it wasn´t just about the clothes anymore, that you were getting something you needed out of it. she moved her hands under your top to pull it over your head, and the moment you were left sitting there topless, your skin painted in a golden hue from the dim light, her eyes changed, you were watching her while she was taking in the sight if of you, her palms resting on your shoulders, warm, so warm, once she looked at you again she moved her hands down your neck, your chest, slowly, “you´re so beautiful”.  for the first time you thought you could hear her voice wavering, a hint of a tremor and the way she was standing between your legs, looking down at you, it made you feel weak in the most satisfying way. for so long you´d worked at seeming unfazed by anything, but in that moment you were glad to surrender, to look up at her in awe, to let her do whatever she wanted to, that moment with her, it felt sacred in a way. her eyes fell to a spot on your chest where she´d left a subtle mark the night before, a faint purple, she traced it for a second before leaning down to kiss the spot, ever so softly. a moment later she got onto her knees, moving between your legs to unzip your jeans and help you out of them too and once you were left in nothing but your underwear, you realized that that was the first time she´d seen you fully exposed, which felt good, her gaze never made you feel uneasy, it always made you want more. 

Tess didn´t get up again but remained on her knees, her hands on either your thighs, feeling your soft skin, caressing you, and you were still at a loss for words, just taking it in, your body heating up from what she was doing,  almost blacking out as she kissed your inner thigh, not just once, but leaving soft kisses all the way down to your knee. you could feel her long hair brushing your skin, tingling a little, her other hand lightly squeezing your other thigh as she seemed to get lost in the feeling of your skin, a kind of adoration that was enough to make you feel like you were imagining it all, it was beyond anything you´d expected from her, the way she was almost worshiping your physique. once she stopped to look up at you, she saw your eyes almost closing in pleasure, “relax for me okay? lay down, let me make you feel good” she said and you took the order, laying down flat on your back while your lower half was still at the edge of the bed, in her grip.

 after Tess kissed your other thigh and felt you relaxing, quietly sighing, clearly wanting more, the progression of sensual to sexual was so seemless that it didn´t even make you nervous when she moved to pull of your underwear, the moment you felt her touch the fabric you assured her with a “it´s okay”, eager to be hers entirely. the feeling of laying there on the soft bed, the rain still making light sounds against the windows, the sensation of her lips trailing down your body, it left you fully present in your body, no thoughts other than god this feels good, it was exhilarating to be nude and to practically feel every part of you warm up and pulse with desire, your face growing hot, your chest rising and falling with heavy deep breaths, the space above your hips burning as she held onto you, it was clear to her that you were turned on to a level that could and should be deepened, so once your underwear was discarded onto the floor she moved further up between your legs, tightening her grip on you a little, pushing your knees apart more to have space, hooking her arms under your thighs to pull you down onto her face.

it was a charged moment for both you and Tess, neither of you had been intimate with anyone in a good while, so you felt every little sensation of that moment intensely, she had no idea if anyone had ever gone down on you at all so she felt a sense of responsibility, to not just be gentle and patient but to also make it heartfelt and passionate enough for you to crave more once she was done, a mix of carefulness and the urge to show you just how good it could feel. she knew she had all the time in the world, so at first she just focused on the skin leading up to where she was going, licking the highest part of your inner thigh, broad strokes with her flat tongue just tasting your skin for a moment, your sounds still faint but she could feel your body reacting, a slight twitch in your leg as she kneaded the skin where her fingers were digging in while moving to your center and running her flat tongue over your cunt in one big stroke, leaving your lips glistening with her spit, a slight gasp from you then, followed by a needy “please Tess..”, urging her to go ahead, so she briefly reached up and spread you open with her fingers, teasing you for a moment by running them up and down between your folds before leaning in and licking up what had leaked out already, a hum of pleasure as the slick texture hit her tongue, a sudden hunger, so she put more force into it and found a rhythm of sucking and licking your soft sensitive flesh that drove not only you insane but herself too, your whole body flushed by that point, your hands gripping the sheets before she reached up to hold them down, to make it even more intimate, feeling your hips moving up to meet her tongue, your fingers trapping hers, squeezing quite hard from the overwhelming feeling, but you were being easy, you didn´t squirm much or try to move away, it was pure bliss for her the way you were sprawled out and open for her, she praised you for a moment as she lifed her head, moving her hand to caress your stomach,  “you´re being so good for me, such a good girl”, it only turned you on more, “my angel” she whispered against your skin as she could hear you whine from the mix of her words and her touches, her own underwear soaked by that point from it all, so much so that she might even finish too.

to really push you towards your impending climax she stopped pushing her tongue into you after having gone at it for a while and moved to suck on your clit, hard, not to a point of pain but hard enough to make you see stars for a second, “jesus fuck..” you moaned as she kept doing it, “Tess fuck I´ll-” you cried, feeling her steady you by grabbing your hips, “it´s okay, breathe, I got you” cooing at you before really harnessing all of her strength to overstiunalte your clit to the point of your walls clenching and your legs shaking, her hands constantly running up and down your body to add to the arousal, she knew that a squeeze and a grab at the right moment would only make you cum harder, you tried to somehow remain in place as you felt the orgasm building in your core and spreading out through your whole body in violent waves, your moaning nad whining almost making her lose her mind with lust as she felt the whole lower half of her face getting soaked in your juices, an intense final shudder told her you were finished but she wasn´t, letting you calm down a little as she gathered up every last drop that she´d gotten out of you, a last sloppy lick over your cunt before easing up and catching her breath, still between your legs, until she had the urge to see your face and climbed up over you, trapping you beneath her, satisfied with the look she found on your face, all flushed and exhausted and content. 

before she could say anything you pulled her down for a kiss, which turned her on even more because she knew you knew she hadn´t wiped her mouth or chin yet, a gesture of intimacy that got her good, you tasting yourself on her lips, not even just a closed mouth kiss but kissing her in a way that made clear how much you´d enjoyed what she´d just done. “do I wanna know how you got that good at eating pussy” you said, which got a laugh out of her, her hand in your hair as she said “oh you know, the hundreds of women I dated before you” you didn´t laugh, wondering for a split second if she might actually mean it “I´m joking, don´t worry, I guess you bring it out of me”, “okay now you´re just sweet talking me” you said, your hands around her neck as she shook her head, “not my style, you should know that by now I think”, both of you smiling at each other as she said this because you did know, but it was still new to you, to be wanted like that, by someone you wanted just as badly. you knew her arms must have gotten tired from hovering over you so you pulled her down onto your chest, “careful there” she said, worrying she was gonna be too heavy, “you can crush me I don´t mind” you said, holding onto her as you could hear her laughing, resting on your chest for a moment. 

neither of you were bold enough yet to ask the other one to spend the night together, so around midnight after laying there together for a good while, she offered to walk you home. as you stood in front of your door and looked at her you didn´t dare to kiss her even though it was dark and nobody was out there except you two, but you did allow yourself what you´d been too shy to do earlier, which was a hug that went beyond the friendly kind, so you stepped closer to her one last time that night and embraced her as tightly as possible, communicating something a simple thank you, wouldn´t have. as you stood there, arms around each other, the faint sound of a few lone birds above you, the smell of snow still lingering int the air, she lightly ran her hand over the back of your head, speaking in a low tone, “you take it easy tomorrow, okay? no work, no nothing, and if anyone really needs you to do something, send them to me, I´ll take care of it.” you smiled against her shoulder, still gripping the fabric of her jacket, “okay, I will”, separating only after a good two minutes of standing there in an embrace, giving each other a last love filled glance before saying goodnight. 

while you were sleeping soundly later that night, Tess and Joel coincidentally got up to get some water from the kitchen at the same time. she´d been awake for hours just laying there unable to stop thinking about you and was already pouring herself a glass as she heard him coming down the stairs, so she got out a second glass and handed it to the disheveled half asleep man who got out a “thank you” but only barely, his voice still impacted by sleep, as she sat down at the table with him, both of them sitting there in silence for a moment. she had a grave expression, staring into space, so Joel asked “hey, you good?”, she looked like she was about to deliver bad news or tell him about a nightmare, but after taking a deep breath and looking up at him, Tess said “I think I´m in love with her.”. 

Joel thought of course this woman would say it like she was saying she just killed someone, all serious and almost embarrassed, he smiled then, a genuine warm smile, not the kind he politely gave strangers, the kind reserved for his best friend, he patted her hand as he spoke “well. that´s a beautiful thing Tess”, he realized that his Texan accent had slipped out heavily with that phrase but he meant it, “but you´re scared, hm?” he knew her, he could read her in an instant, she nodded, “you know m Joel, I wasn´t prepared to feel like this. at all.” he understood, “yeah it´s always scary to care. trust me, I´m an expert in trying not to. but I need you to understand that you deserve this okay? hell, we went through so much awful shit, and you saved my ass so many times, I think it´s time for you to let all that go and give being happy a shot. as weird as it might feel to you at first, you deserve it.”

she was genuinely moved by that, leaning her head on her hands while looking at him, they usually expressed their care in other ways, not via words, so she knew it meant a lot for him to be that earnest, “I´ll try” she whispered, he gave her an encouraging nod before downing the rest of his water, “you know this is fun for me. it´s like I am getting a whole new friend out of this. you´re much better company when you have a pretty girl to fawn over”, he teased, earning himself a sharp look from her, “well I´m glad me losing my fucking mind is entertaining to you” she said, shaking her head, but clearly relieved that Joel knew how to help her ease up.

in Jackson there were generally only really two viable options when deciding what to do with your time at night: staying in, or going out to see who was hanging around at the bar, so the next day Tess and Joel found themselves leaving the house around 8pm to go have a drink, simultaneously cursing the cold air as they stepped outside, muttering things like “jesus fuck it´s cold”. 

naively Joel started talking to Tess about his day, some gossip he´d overheard, his plans for their garden, but Tess´s very short and unenthusiastic answers of “oh cool” or “I see” or “yeah”, made him suspect that she was not listening at all, that her mind was of course somewhere else completely, so to test if she was even remotely paying attention he said: “you know I was thinking about burning our house down. just letting the whole thing go up in flames” and Tess gave a mild nod and an “uh-huh” in response, her expression unchanged, which made him speak louder then and push her in the side, “Jesus Christ Tess, just go on and get her to come with us, this is unbearable” he shook his head in disbelief over his lovestruck friend as he said this, watching her snap out of her state of daydreaming, “so you´re trying to get me in trouble, huh?”, “oh come on, relax, nobody´s gonna think twice about two women talking to each other, they´ll be too busy getting shitfaced” he had a point. “go! get your girlfriend!” he said, teasing a little, pushing her to do it, “fuck off” she muttered, secretly enjoying “girlfriend” being used to address you, the word swirling around in her mind as she approached your house, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend almost a prayer like quality to the way its echo kept lingering in her ears, giving her something to put her faith in: the idea of maybe someday soon being able to refer to you as that. 

once you opened the door she didn´t even say hello, immediately opening with “go get a jacket, we´re going to get a drink”, you laughed, “damn okay, you´re wasting no time huh” she nodded, “you know me”, she realized that you looked much more refreshed than the night before, calm and healthy, she suspected you´d taken her order and gone easy on yourself during the day. 

as you walked down the street Tess assured you that she had Joel under control, that he wouldn´t be weird about it, so as you walked into the bar you followed her over to where he was waiting.

as you approached you saw that three shots were standing on the counter, he looked at both of you, “join me?”, which immediately made you relax, he seemed much less intimidating the moment he opened his mouth. all three of you stood there as you downed the shot, immediately twisting your faces as you felt the burn of the surprisingly strong liquor, “jesus did they pour us gasoline??” you said, which got a laugh out of him, the first of many that followed the minutes after when you all got more comfortable, Tess watching you charm him without even trying, all of you standing there by the bar, nursing your drinks, you giving them some of the inside scoop about Jackson they might not have picked up on yet, airing out some of your grievances, letting them share some of their own, it was clear to them you wouldn´t talk so a sense of trust was established within the hour so you spent together. 

once Tommy entered the bar and greeted you before talking to Joel about something private, you and Tess used the opportunity to slip away for a moment, heading to a quieter corner of the bar, sitting down by an empty table. you were tipsier than her since she could definitely handle her liquor better, but it was the nice kind of tipsy, a buzz that made you more prone to being honest, but also, to being affectionate so you had to remind yourself not to kiss her as she stared at you all lovingly, “what?” you said, leaning your hands on your folded hands, looking up at her with doe eyes, she cocked her head, smiling in a way that made her look young, girlish almost, “you should be proud of yourself, he never warms up to strangers this fast. but again, he´d have to be a fucking fool not to like you”.

you sounded a little drunk then as you said “you´re so sweet to me”, while staring at her, and in that moment Tess didn´t care anymore about what anyone might think, she wanted to touch you so she did, brushing your hair out of your face before caressing your cheek, watching your eyes widen as you realized what she´d just done, out in public, but it felt good, to be claimed in a way, so you leaned into it. not everyone noticed, it´s not like every person in town was that invested in what you two were doing, but Tommy immediately clocked it, his eyes flickered over to where Tess´s hand met your face, his own colored in shock as he hit Joel on the arm to draw his attention where he was looking, but Joel just took a sip of his drink, keeping his mouth shut. as Tommy saw the distinct lack of surprise on Joel´s face as he turned to him, he uttered under his breath “oh so you knew??” but Joel just shrugged, “hey, I love you brother, but not enough to spill her secrets to you” and after the initial shock settled Tommy shook his head and smiled to himself while staring down into his glass, “damn, she really went straight for the best one huh”, Joel laughed, “I won´t tell Maria that you said that”, “oh fuck off you know how what I mean”, and he did, during the hour that he´d spent with you and Tess it became clear to him why she liked you, and even clearer why you two had taken so little time to fall for each other. it was so obvious to him, that you were both the types to keep to yourself, to be a little stubborn and unwilling to open up, until you met someone you were utterly mesmerized by, and lucky for you, it had happened. 

it suddenly made his chest swell to witness a love like that forming right in front of his eyes because it reminded him of how romance had changed after the outbreak. nobody had time anymore for endless meaningless dates during the end of the world, survivors knew that it was a miracle to still be alive, and even more of a miracle to meet someone whom you could love, so no matter who they were, where they met, when two people saw a light in each other that might illuminate the endless dark of their world, most people usually went into that love shaking and afraid but determined to keep it, because everyone knew tomorrow was never promised. there was an urgency to love after the outbreak, a deep visceral need, a sense of now or never that sometimes ended up pushing people together who´d have never met before. every now and then the stars aligned and fated run ins ended up creating some of the most beautiful and unexpected unions, Joel thought back to Frank and Bill, about his brother and Maria, other couples he´d met, and how you and Tess were in a similar spot, terrified of the depth of your feelings, but so clearly made for each other, so clearly ready to finally open up. 

as he was thinking all that, Tess saw that your eyelids were getting heavier by the minute and asked “wanna get out of here?”, seeing you nod, a little sleepy and slurring your words as you said, “yeah. but to your bed, not mine” she smiled, “alright, let´s go then”, as she went over to your side of the table and helped you up, throwing a glance back to Joel who threw her a wave and a knowing look. 

once you were outside and the cool air hit your face you realized that the fact that she´d kind of outed you as lovers allowed you to abandon your previous restraint, so you huddled up with her, linking arms, tightly, walking to their house as a few snowflakes fell onto your faces, a giddiness to you that was partially due to the alcohol, mostly due to feeling like she´d somehow committed herself to you because there was no way she´d have done that with someone she had no intention of really being with, not that you ever doubted her but it felt good, to have solid proof of how much you mattered to her, enough to risk potential hostility from onlookers. “so, what made you do that?” you asked, clearly full of adoration for her, she looked at you from the side, holding you close, making sure you wouldn´t slip or fall, the uninhibited even brighter smile than usual on your face making her melt.

“oh well. I realized that pretty much all of them know about my not so spotless past by now, so.. I highly doubt any of them would dare to give us, me specifically, any trouble”, you laughed, nodding, “right. your past as a violent ruthless killer” drawing out the last words for dramatic effect, nudging her, messing with her a little, but instead of laughing she just raised her eyebrows at you, “I really don´t know what you´re using that ironic tone for, miss” you challenged her, “oh so you´re proud of all that, huh?” amused by her taking offense, she shrugged, “no. but maybe I should be, considering that you seem to get a little turned on whenever it comes up” you didn´t even try to protest because it was true, it did thrill you to think that she was capable of all that if needed, “well, maybe I have a thing for fucked up women” you teased, she laughed, “clearly I do too” pointing at you as she said it, you laughed too then, “look at us. match made in heaven” that one definitely wouldn´t have left your lips in a sober state and she just let the words linger in the air as you approached their house but she thought yes, sounds about right. 

walking up the stairs to her room she made you go in front of her, both of her hands on your back to sure you wouldn´t stumble and fall, making fun of you for being a lightweight but lovingly, she liked seeing you with your walls all the way down, grabbing her more freely and saying little things out loud you usually wouldn´t have, remarking upon her eye color, her hands, everything that came to mind, all of your thoughts tumbling out, a never ending list of things you liked about her, to a point where she almost told you to stop, blushing a little, which she usually never did. 

once you were in her room you immediately flopped face down onto her bed, groaning as you felt the soft bedding under you. Tess dutifully bent down to help you out of your shoes, a simple gesture that made you feel even softer towards her. once she´d also helped you out of your jacket she didn´t lay down but decided to sit next to you on the bed, tempted by the sight of you, pulling up your shirt all the way to your shoulders so she could caress your back, a “hmm” sound of approval from you the second she touched you, her fingertips running up and down your spine, stopping for a second as she saw a faint scar under your right shoulder blade, tracing it for a moment. “how´d you get this?” she asked, you obviously never looked at your own back and you couldn´t even think of where´d you´d gotten it, it was so long ago “don´t remember” you said as she leaned down to kiss the impact of that ancient injury, her lips resting there for a moment as she thought that she wanted all of your pain to be like that in the future: a distant memory, so far gone that it doesn´t have any hold on you anymore. she wanted nothing more than to give you a life that would be so full of love and warmth that you´d remember the rough years before knowing her with a sense of that all seems so far away, I can´t even recall the details. you were lost in the feeling of her impact on your exposed back as she kissed you all the way up to your neck, feeling you relax under her. 

after a while you wanted to see her again so you used all the strength that was left in your tired body to roll over onto your back, she laughed as she saw the effort it took and helped you move closer to her, “come here” she said while grabbing you, which ended up with you laying your head in her lap, staring up at her as she held your face on either side, smiling down at you, it struck you in that moment how perfect her face was to you, her hair framing it beautifully,“you´re so pretty” you said, drawing out the “y”, that was not the word people usually used for her and she shook her head while tracing your facial features with her index finger, “you´re the pretty one here baby”, the pet name got to you, you grinned, enjoying the feeling of her feathery touches on your face, lulling you into a state of sleepy bliss. laying on her thighs was about as comforting as anything in your life had ever been. 

“oh by the way” she said, watching you close your eyes for a moment, “hmm” you answered, “your schedule for the next month or so is cleared, no more working around town for a while” you were confused then, your eyes open again, her palms still warm on your cheeks, “what do you mean?”, a smug grin on her face, “well.. I thought a lot about what you told me last night, so I talked to Maria earlier. I asked her if she´d mind if I stole you away for a while to help me around the house. Joel is god awful at being indoors for too long, he´s better with the garden and the facade of the house, all that, so I suggested you should help me instead. and I think she said yes because she was just glad to see me warm up to someone but yeah..by the time Tommy gets home I think she´ll know what my actual reason for all that was” you nodded, smiling, taking it all in, “I´m surprised you think I´d be any help” you joked, “oh I think you can handle painting some walls sweetheart”, you nodded, “or, you know, how did you put it, I could “sit there and look pretty”, she laughed, stroking your hair, “exactly yes”, you realized that she´d done that to look out for you, to watch over you and make sure you weren´t doing anything stupid to yourself, which made you emotional then. 

you started to actually imagine it, spending your days with her and it seemed a little too good to be true, “that should be fun. you and me and an empty space” you grinned, “hm, let´s see how much work we actually get done huh”, “oh and Joel actually said we could decide what to do with the attic once we´re done with it. use it as a nice space to hang out in when you´re here or something” you laughed then, “I think he might have said that because he heard us last night, you know, trying to get us far away from his room” she laughed, considering it “maybe. but don´t worry, if he did hear us, you sounded hot” she teased, you slapped her arm then, “stop”. 

after a few more minutes of you laying there you both got ready for bed because it was clear that you were gonna stay over. she washed your face for you because she was scared of you hitting your head on the porcelain if you did it yourself, giving you some of her clothes to sleep in, a loose long sleeve shirt and oversized sweatpants, a similar kind to the ones she was wearing which you used mercilessly to your advantage, your hands slipping under her wide shirt the entire time you two were in the bathroom, feeling her wince a little each time, “you´re groping me” she joked as your hands wandered up her chest, “I am yes” you whispered before she told you to quit it and go to bed with her, but she loved it, having you all over her, being handsy, it was sweet considering how restrained you´d both been just a day before, debating whether holding hands in public was fine.

once you both got comfortable under the covers it took very little time for you to doze off. at first you laid on top of her for a while but then you moved to your side so you could face her, you both wanted to look at the other person so you ended up falling asleep as mirror images, one arm around the other person´s torso, feeling each other´s slow breaths as you feel asleep, your body heat keeping the other person warm during the snowy night. 

it was a symbolic image, the way you two laid there like two perfect halves, because even though you´d lead very different lives leading up to that moment, you were both experiencing the same exact thing: a new beginning. your love was going to change your lives drastically, you both felt it in your bones. for you it was an awakening, for her it was a rebirth. for you it would mean finally coming alive, finally feeling present and like it was worth it to have been born regardless of the mess that happened in the world so shortly after, for her it would mean embracing a third period of her life, after growing up in the normal word and then going through hell with Joel in the QZ, she was finally going to leave behind the guilt and shame about what she´d done to survive the decades before, what she´d done to get to the point of meeting you and finally seeing a light at the end of a tunnel she didn´t even know she could ever get out of.

that was where the acute sense of nervousness had come from for both of you, that fated feeling of: this woman is going to change everything.

laying there together that night, safe and content in each other´s arms, you both felt no fear anymore, only the deep calm of knowing you were only at the very beginning of a love so transformative you would finally know what it feels like to stop surviving and start living again.  

you were both convinced the other one had saved you. you were both right.

[acapelladitty]

Monomania (fic)

Pairing - Homelander/Hughie (The Boys)

Summary - In the midst of a messy fight, Homelander comes to a somewhat stunning conclusion involving Hughie.

Link to Part 2 & Part 3

It was incredible, unthinkable even, that Homelander had found himself in this situation.

Hugh Campbell. Hughie. Starlight's little pet human. The gangly asshole who nipped at William's heels as William actively sought out as many different pain in the ass ways of inconveniencing his life as possible.

Hugh Campbell.

A pathetic human.

But a pathetic human who was currently trading hits with him due to the compound v which flowed through his veins to give him access to the sort of power that he probably used to jack off thinking about.

"Little Hughie." Homelander spat, dodging a messy right hook. Hughie had strength, yeah, but it was clear that neither man was a particularly trained fighter even if Homelander still held the advantage. "A fucking waste of skin compared to the people he surrounds himself with. One day that little girlfriend of yours is going to find herself a real man.”

Ducking under another swing, Homelander landed a strike of his own and his fist bounced off Hughie’s chest with a pained grunt.

“Supes and humans? A mess. Trust me. I've made enough of them." Homelander continued, refusing to allow his growing exertion to show on his features as he pushed Hughie off him – his heart thumping in his chest as his jaw throbbed in discomfort.

Hughie snarled his anger, his boyish features twisted into something almost inhumane as he threw fists with an obvious lack of thought. In the heat of the fight, Homelander could hear how laboured Hughie’s breathing had grown; how erratic and fucked up it was as his blood rushed through his veins and his pulse jumped with every strike. The stench of adrenaline, hot and heady, also hung in the air and the sheer potency of it was intoxicating.

Almost absent-mindedly, Homelander adjusted the crotch of his suit as he flew to the side to narrowly avoid a kick. Adrenaline and anger. Two familiar feelings which sat low in his belly and made his cock twitch despite his fury. He was the fucking Homelander and fighting like this-

His thoughts were knocked clean out of his head as a sharp fist caught him on the temple - sending his body stumbling backwards as the sheer indignation of being caught out burned within his chest like a serpent’s venom.

It only lasted a moment as Hughie's furious expression was quick to fill his sight. Panting and red-faced with the effort, Hughie looked down at him with such intense contempt that it actually made Homelander pause as long fingers wrapped around his throat and started to squeeze.

Even with the compound v, its potency already feeling like it was beginning to fade as Hughie’s movements grew more sluggish, it would be a hard task to choke him out and Homelander took a moment to look - really look - at the man attempting to kill him.

Hughie was handsome in a basic sort of way. He lacked the bulk and muscle of William but he certainly wasn't as scrawny and pathetic as he seemed to be on first glance. In his rage and erratic movements, a few curls of his brown hair had fallen over his forehead and remained plastered there by sweat.

Tall as fuck too.

It wasn’t often Homelander fund himself having to tilt his head to meet someone's gaze and what a gaze it was.

Hatred.

Pure hatred oozed from every millimetre of Hughie's eyes as the blue there appeared to grow steelier by the second and the utter intensity of his gaze, malicious as hell, made heat pool in Homelander's stomach as he drank in the undivided attention.

Atop him, Hughie’s body was an inferno of heat; a mixture of exertion and the compound which was burning through his unfamiliar cells like a supernova. Caged as he was against the wall, the pressure of Hughie's body pushing against his own was surprisingly erotic as the adrenaline and the attention and the flex of the hands around his sensitive neck caused his cock to grow harder between his legs.

With Hughie's hands still around his neck, Homelander easily jerked his head forward in one swift movement and caught Hughie's lips in his own, his actions not fully coming to terms with his thoughts until Hughie recoiled his head in disgust.

The first thing that registered in his head, aside from a burning shame, was a dull pain as Hughie's fist once again connected with his temple. The second was the warmth of lips against his own as Hughie followed the blow by pressing his face in close enough to allow Homelander to capture his mouth once again. Hughie’s lips were soft, nothing like his hard eyes, and Homelander snapped his teeth down on his lower lip, something victorious growling in his chest as he immediately tasted blood and Hughie pulled away with a throaty grunt of pain.

"You're a fucking monster." Hughie hissed.

The fury, that wickedly intoxicating fury, still radiated from his eyes but something predatory - something familiar - lurked in the shadows behind it and the hint of it send a coil of arousal through Homelander’s groin.

Little Hughie had a dark side it seemed, and in that instant Homelander decided that he was going to make it his new project to push the other man as far as he could to see how deep the darkness ran.

Shoving Hughie off him as though discarding a blanket, Homelander readied himself for another fight as he watched Hughie scramble to his feet – confusion and rage now at war on his handsome features as he attempted, vainly, to settle his breath. His eyes dropped for only a second to the undeniable bulge which tented at Homelander’s groin, evidence of his shameful desire, before snapping back up as a snarl overtook his mouth once again.

With the fresh seeds of obsession sewing their way into the landscape of his fragile mind, Homelander tensed himself up for barrle once more as a familiar smirk settled across his lips.

Little Hughie.

[atzfilm]

— 『 𝐖𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐋; 𝐨𝐭8 』 [teaser 2]

— 𝚠𝚘𝚗 • 𝚍𝚎𝚛 • 𝚠𝚊𝚕𝚕, adjective. having someone who serves as a pillar in your life, who offers a sturdy place to lean in times of trouble. somebody you find yourself thinking about constantly and are completely infatuated with.

❝humans were such strange creatures. wretched in their mere existence. none of the eight were ever truly interested in them until they found you. they just find it strange that despite their status and rank, you'd rather spend time with your lover. that isn't much of a problem, though. one they can fix with ease.❞

〘ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ, ᴍʏᴛʜ, ꜱᴍᴜᴛ, ꜰᴀᴇʀɪᴇꜱ〙

— note: this is a yandere fic. sensitive topics such as manipulation, gaslighting, murder, and other topics involved with the genre. please heed the warnings and read this work of fiction while keeping this in mind.

FIC WARNINGS: murder, manipulation, blood, blood drinking, torture references, dark magic, kidnapping. this series is very dark, if you're uncomfortable with the subjects listed do not read. warnings will change but be listed in each chapter. there is no tag list for this series.

“I would follow you everywhere; until your steps become my own, until your breaths mingle with mine. There is no where you will go that will be where I am not. It is all but that simple.” He cradles your face in his hands, thumbs rubbing against the skin. “That is all I need, and it is all you’ve wanted. We will no longer be separated; you won’t be left alone.”

The more he trails on, the more fear begins to circulate your veins. He does not seem to notice it, so he continues. “Soobin is no longer an issue since he’s gone. You’re free to desire whomever you want without him holding you back.”

“He was my boyfriend, Joong,” your brows furrow. “He’s the reason I’m even in this town in the first place. Why would he be holding me back? I love him.”

You don’t see the way his mouth twitches at the word love. What you do see, though, is the way his eyes narrow. “He’s gone.”

“Love doesn’t just disappear when I no longer see him.”

“Then how will it? Must he come to you and say he hates you? Will he have to attempt to hurt you for it to go away? Why do humans continue to love someone who’s left them? Why can’t you let him go?”

What else does he have to do? Should he have manipulated the human’s mind before he killed him? Made him break your heart?

You stare at Hongjoong as he loses himself in his thoughts. You’ve believed in inherent goodness, but there’s always been this underlying fear of them, just for the nature of them being Unseelies alone. Knowing that despite all of what they say, it’s something they can’t change. It’s something you’ve settled with. But hearing his words, the way his eyes shake as he looks at you – something tells you that he’s off. That despite their comfort and sympathy, they know what happened to Soobin.

An even smaller part of you believes that they’ve done something to him.

“It’s hard to,” you explain, choosing your words carefully. “I’ve known him since we were children, and even if I didn’t love him in the romantic sense, I do love him as a friend. It hurts to just lose a friendship like that.”

"If I killed him, would you forget him?"

You still. His touch is ever so delicate as he waits for your response. Eyes warm, blinking slowly. It's as if he didn't just say he'd do something so heinous, so unthinkable.

A weak "What?" Is all you can respond with.

He leans closer to you, barely a breath away from your lips. His eyes flick over your face before landing back on your eyes. "If I killed your weak, miserable, incompetent, lackluster ex-partner, will you forget him then? Will you mourn his loss, then come into my arms? Will you love me as you love him?"

[yanny-77]

Fic Update: I Don’t Feel Safe with You Anymore Ch 3

Chapter 3 of 5

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Word Count: 2,362/6,308

Fic Summary:

“What makes a dragon abandon her rider?"

It's been five days since the Battle of Basgiath and Xaden still hasn't heard from Sgaeyl. The dragon left the college, needing time and distance to reflect on and process the changes to their bond since Xaden reached for power. Xaden is determined to give her that space, even as his magic drains the longer she stays away. He fights the urge to channel from the earth with everything he has but being a rider, his body is no longer compatible with life without magic.

He can wait for her to come back. He can hold out.

The alternative is unthinkable

Chapter Summary:

Xaden doesn’t know how he ended up in the dungeons or why he sought of Jack, but since he’s here, he might as well ask the questions that have been eating at him since the battle.

Note: this chapter includes NSFW content.

Excerpt:

“I knew you'd be back.” All the usual arrogance rings hollow in Barlowe’s voice.

Xaden can’t believe it’s come to this. That he’s here asking the enemy for help. For fuck’s sake, this man has tried to kill his Violence more times than Xaden can count. There has to be some other way, but even as he thinks it, he knows there isn’t. He takes a deep breath and lets the words spill out of him. “What changes can I expect?”

“Changes?”

Fine. The bastard isn’t going to make this easy on him. He expected it. He can handle it. His hand shakily runs through his hair and he pulls at the roots, just enough to ground himself. “To my body and my mind. If I don’t channel.” Xaden swallows. He can’t look at Barlowe. “And if I do.”

“Why would you need to channel when you have a dragon?” The sickening smile on his face tells Xaden that Barlowe knows exactly why he is asking. “It’s hard to stop once you start, isn’t it?”

“I can stop any time I want,” Xaden says, and he believes it too.

Read Now on AO3

Publishing Schedule:

Chapter 1 - May 23rd

Chapter 2 - May 30th

Chapter 3 - June 6th

Chapter 4 - June 13th

Chapter 5 - June 20th

Thanks to @housetomte and @sarahydeart for beta.

This fic was written as part of the Basgaith Birthday Bash. See chapter notes for credit.

[retroellie]

Cheater

Summary: When finally toe to toe with Daryl after him cheating, you are given answers you rightfully deserve

A/N: First wanted to say this fic was inspired by @starrydixon 's fic, i legit got so angsty that i wanted to write my own and my own little interpretation of it, so definitely go read theirs <3. But enjoy this complete mess i made in literally 2 hours lmao.

Warnings: Cheating and angst

Word count: 2.1K

You stood in front of him like a deer in headlights, you were terrified to even speak. The Daryl Dixon, the asshole, the cheater, the love of your life was standing in front of you, something you promised never to let happen again. This is the first time you had been in the same room after the incident, after he had told you the thing that ruined your entire life.

Part of you wished he would’ve just kept it to himself, letting you live out your perfect love life with him but part of you was so glad he told you. You would much rather be depressed the rest of your life than be looked at as a fucking clown by everyone but not know why. You hated them though, you wanted to slit his throat right here and right now, Daryl felt so bad that he’d actually let you too.

Either of you were too scared to speak, too afraid to bring up the very thing that broke your relationship in the first place. You were afraid simply because it had been going okay so far, nothing like how either you anticipated your first time seeing each other in 2 years would go. Daryl came to help with the water treatment and you were there, all sweaty and worn out. You froze when you first saw him, looking over at michonne who was looking at you looking at him.

She never even told you he had come to visit Alexandria, no warning but simply because she thought he wouldn’t stay long enough for you to see him. He just came for some supplies but ended up sticking around to help out with Alexandria, it was still his home after all. After the water treatment was finally up and going again, you did the unthinkable… you invited Daryl into your once shared home for a glass of water.

“Just to make sure the water treatment is fixed.” You tried to be cheery abit it but something about his eyes made you angry.

Why did you invite him in? You have no idea, maybe because you missed his presence or you wanted to ask the questions that were constantly running through your head or maybe you just wanted to kill him then and there. Daryl was hesitant but he would not pass up the chance to spend time with you, before or after even if he felt terrible for what he did to you.

So here you were, standing in front of him, watching him look at anything but your eyes. Good, he didn’t deserve to look into your eyes after what he did. The house was silent as you drank your waters, neither one of you wanted to bring it up but you decided to rip off the bandaid before it got worse.

“How long did it last?” You asked, the only thing coming out of your mouth in the past 10 minutes.

Daryl could’ve played stupid but he knew what you meant, he knew the answer would leave you more devastated too. Daryl racked his brain to give an exact estimate of how long and each answer created a deep puncture in his chest.

“6 months.” He said plainly, his eyes dropping down to his now empty glass.

Your entire body had gone frozen, your heart crack open more and more as the answer lingered through the air. You knew It was long but 6 months was too long. Your first 6 months with Daryl he had told you he loved you, he fucked you like there was no tomorrow and his told you it would only be you and him for the rest of your lives. What did she get in those 6 months? Did she get the same treatment? What could’ve possibly happened in those 6 months?

“6 months?!?” You damn near yelled, making it known how upset you were.

Daryl just kept his eyes down, he felt so ashamed of himself and he knew you were too. He didn’t speak, just let you have your moment because after all he’s done… you deserve that. Now the question we’re piling up in your head, you didn’t just want answers now you needed them. You closed your eyes, took a deep breath and asked another question.

“What was her name?” You asked, not even knowing if you wanted the answer.

“Leah,” he said without letting the question linger for too long.

“Did you live together?”

“Yes.”

“Did you fuck her?”

“Yes.”

You questioned him rapidly, not even taking a break before going on to the next. You felt you deserved these answers after the long 2 years of them burning in your brain. You asked about her, you asked about him and you asked about what they were. With every answer, even if they were yes and no’s, your heart would break more and more. You needed that though, you needed Daryl to break your heart so you felt sick even looking at him, just so you could move on and heal.

“Why?” Was the only thing you said, no context to what you meant but somehow Daryl knew.

He thought about it, he had no idea why… it just happened. That question had him frozen, struck on the biggest question you’ve asked so far. He racked his brain, trying to find the words for how he really felt and why the hell he did something so stupid. He was stupid was plain and simply put an answer but you deserved an explanation. He finally got the courage to look at you standing there, eyes streaked with tears as you grabbed onto your own hoodie violently. Daryl still thought you were the most beautiful thing but right now he felt he didn’t even deserve to see you.

“I’m stupid y/n, I really am but when Rick disappeared I was sad. I don’t know why but I still had hope he was still out there and I knew I was going out all the time to hurt you, I could feel you getting more distant.” He paused, racking his brain to find more words. “You got so distant that I thought you wanted me out of your life so I did, I stopped coming around because I couldn’t bear to see ya. Then Leah showed up. I knew that when me and you first met, the thing we had with each other, the love we made and the memories, it filled a hole in me… you filled a hole in me Y/N. I was expecting the same thing to happen with Leah, I thought the hole you used to fill could be filled with another person… but it can’t.”

You sobbed even more, tears rushing down your face and you couldn’t even stop them anymore. Daryl’s words were something you needed but when you got it, you couldn’t handle it. His words were too much, they didn’t make you feel any better but only worse. He tried to replace you, he needed to replace you when you needed him the most. You craved him back then, you just wanted your stupid boyfriend to hold you for a while because Rick's death didn’t only hurt Daryl.

Rick was your brother, not by blood but by souls he was. He cared for you, he made sure you were safe and he even saved you in so many ways, even from yourself. So when he died, you couldn’t… you were depressed and Daryl leaving all the time did not help, Daryl was looking for ghosts when you needed him the most.

“I needed you Daryl…I needed you and you weren’t there.” You said simply, shoving your face in your hands as you continued to sob.

Your sobs broke Daryl, he could feel his tears starting to spill over his eyes. He never meant to hurt you, as a matter of fact he promised he would never hurt you and as if you needed more of a reason not to trust anyone again… he broke that promise. He deserved to rot with the walkers for what he did to you and hell he even tried at one point, but he wouldn’t hurt you again… you couldn’t handle another death.

“I’m going to ask one more question Daryl….” You said, taking in a breath before asking. “Did you love her?”

He wanted to laugh at that thought, him loving Leah?? Impossible. He fucked her, he cuddled her, he even let her say he was hers but he knew deep down… He was yours, always and forever. Even if you don’t forgive him now, he will always be yours no matter what. You found him at his worst, you gave him a chance and he fell in love with you. He had never felt that way about someone before, let alone someone like you. A pretty, smart and strong person like you… he never even would’ve thought you would give him the chance you did.

“No… I couldn’t.” He stated, voice cracking as his tears continued to flow down his cheeks.

“You couldn’t?” You asked, confused about what the fuck he meant. Daryl was never good with words and you knew it too.

“I just couldn’t, deep down I knew it was always you I wanted and loved. Y/N what I did wasn’t because I stopped loving you, I did it because I loved you and the feeling you gave me was too good… too pure and when I thought I lost it, I had to get it again but I couldn’t.” He started, explaining himself with words but not even knowing if he was saying anything right.

You stayed silent, the words engraving themselves into your brain. You just sat there, looking down at your shaking hands. You never knew a man could do this to you, leave your sobbing and shaking as he explained why he couldn’t love anyone else but you. You couldn’t forgive Daryl, you couldn’t… you had a soft spot for him but it wasn’t that soft, you wouldn’t just let him break you down again like that.

“I’ll leave you alone…” Daryl set his glass down, picking up his things before turning for the door.

“Daryl!” You yelled before he could even step another foot away from you. Daryl stopped in his tracks, turning once again to face you.

“If you step outside that door… I swear on everything  you will never see me again, and I promise you that I will not let you step foot back into Alexandria… you know I have that power to do so.” You threatened, you were angry… he was leaving you again.

“You want me to stay?” He asked, adjusting the crossbow on his shoulder uncomfortably.

“No… no, yes… I mean FUCK! Daryl I want you to stop leaving me, stop running away from us Daryl!” You yelled, not even sure what you meant. “I fucking hate you Daryl… I fucking hate you so very fiber in my body but not because you ruined what we had.. but because after everything you put me through, I’m still so madly and pathetically in love with you.”

You were quite literally pouring your heart out for Daryl and he took it all in, he just hates that he was the one who caused you to do this. You weren’t sure what you wanted but right now you knew you didn’t want Daryl to leave you alone again, you have been alone for too long and you needed him here again but if he left once again you couldn’t bear it.

“So please Daryl… please just stay with me, don’t leave me again.”

Daryl couldn’t bear to see you like this, your eyes wet with tears and lips red from your biting them… what’s worse is that he caused this. He didn’t know what to do in the situation but what he did he for sure thought was the right thing to do. He dropped all this stuff, engulfing you in a hug as you sobbed. You didn’t know if you should hug back or not but you were too broken down, too afraid and too fucking sad to push him away. You wrapped your arms around him, squeezing him close to you like it was your last time seeing him.

His hands made their way up to your hair, lightly scratching your scalp because he knew you liked that. You just buried your tear streaked face into his shirt, causing his shirt to become damp.

“I’m here bunny… I’m not leaving again…” he said, cringey at the pet name but you needed it right now, you needed to know he was there with you.

You were not sure if this was going to spark something once again between you two, you had no idea but having Daryl here with you and speaking to you like he once did, it caused your thoughts to stop for a minute… letting you just feel the way you used to for a minute. If all you got was 2 more minutes of that feeling, you were okay with it.

[thgfanfictionlibrary]

Never Hijacked!Peeta Fics Masterlist (8)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 /

Created: April 25th, 2024

Checked:---

After the Quell-SkyLark89 (ff)  Summary: Katniss and Peeta are both rescued by the rebels at the end of the Quarter Quell, resulting in various changes in their story. Begins with alternate "Catching Fire" ending. But He Sees Her Now-oh_wellau (ao3) Summary: Small drabble of how it would have gone had Peeta not been hijacked after he's rescued. Carefully Forgotten-TheSpectrumSings (ao3) Summary: "I should have known something like this would happen. They know that physical torture wouldn't be enough to break either of us, not anymore. We are too used to it. But this? I never imagined this. Not because I underestimated the Capitol's cruelty, but simply because it was unthinkable. He had loved me so long, I had almost taken it for granted. That his love would always be there, no matter what torture either of us was put through.---Peeta isn't Hijacked in the Capitol. Instead he is forced to forget Katniss, and Katniss has to deal with the idea that The Boy With The Bread that she once knew so well, has no idea who she is. Keep Fighting-omgg8764 (ff)  Summary: When Peeta's is rescued, he arrives back at 13 free of Jacker venom, and still in love with Katniss. They are then selected for an elite team designed to destroy Snow, but so is Gale. Katniss only loves Peeta, but Gale won't give up. One and Only-PeetaMellarksGirl (ff) Summary: Post mockingjay No hijacking-A take on how post mockingjay would’ve went if Peeta had never been hijacked.  Quiet Plans That Change In the Night-The Fly and the Lion (ff)  Summary: Katniss is in love with Peeta - losing him has made it clear. When he miraculously reappears at rebel HQ, the couple is forced to weigh their relationship against everything the war represents, knowing things might not turn out they way they dream. The Boy with the Bread-WinterRose02 (ff)  Summary: "Miss Everdeen, it's the things we love the most... that destroy us." President Snow wanted to be true to his word, that's what he always strives at doing; being right. But when his plan to hijack Peeta proves futile he's starting to rethink his choice of words. This is what I believe to happen if Peeta was never hijacked. The Ending We Never Got-livestockjudge (ff) Summary:What if Peeta was never hijacked? What if he was just plain and simply tortured by President Snow. We all know the happy reunion we were expecting, but never got. 

The Sharp Edge of Memory (Persuasion)-titania522 (ao3)

Summary: "Even if by some miracle I did survive and he did not - if I did not follow him to the grave from desperation soon after - I would live my entire life trying to solve the puzzle of how to get him out." What would have happened on the beach during the Quarter Quell if Finnick had not interrupted them?

whisper in the dark-towersofsilver (ao3) Summary: Freedom was an abstract concept in District 12. You couldn’t preach freedom if you died of hunger, if you were too exhausted to do more then head down into the mines every day, but Peeta deserved this freedom. After all he’d been through for her, she would make sure of it. - or five times that peeta and katniss call one another by an endearment and the one time they talk about it, a canon divergent au in which peeta isn't hijacked spanning until post mockingjay for our everlark babies

[puffcap-factory]

Melodies, Past, Redemption

(Yasuo x reader)

Yasuo x reader; angst, a bit of fluff, slight implication of Yone x reader in the story.

It’s somewhat more like a one-sided-love coming from Yasuo, although interpretations are left to readers.

Both characters are trying to heal from the past.

Words: 1.9k

Notes: 

The reader was a healer, working on the dojo during Yasuo and Yone’s training period. They were close to you, and Yasuo had grown some secret feelings towards you. But after the war and the death of the dojo’s elder, scarred with the tragedy following after, you had wandered across the land to assist villages in need, and hadn’t met Yasuo after the incident. 

This story uses the same set as my previous Yone fic, since it suits well into the timeline. The order will go as follows: Part 1 Yone x reader -> current fic -> Part 2 Yone x reader 

I’ll get into more fluff next time. For the sake of my heart.

I hope you enjoy! :D

•~•~•~•

You gazed down at your feet, waves gently ebbing and flowing at your fingertips. The symphony of birds' cawing harmonized with the hues of the orange sky, the sun preparing to retire for the day. Seated upon a rock just large enough to accommodate you, you released a heartfelt sigh, reaching for your treasured lyre - a gift from your mother during your childhood. She told you she had acquired it from a wandering merchant in Shurima, and you had cherished it dearly ever since.

You didn’t know why you were feeling sentimental on this particular day. Facing towards the open sea, the wind tenderly caressed your hair, its strands swaying in a melancholic dance, almost as if it were a reminder of a tragic incident from the past. Despite your best efforts to avoid spiraling into sadness, you found yourself reaching for your lyre, your fingers instinctively moving to play a certain melody – the one you had diligently practiced during your days of training in the dojo. The familiar tune that reminded you of the weight of memories and emotions. The one that… Yasuo himself had thought you with his flute.

You indulged yourself into the melody, closing your eyes as your fingers danced across the strings. The notes were so familiar to you that they seemed to flow effortlessly from your lyre. The gentle sound of the waves crashing against the shore intertwined with your music, adorning the melody with a natural, haunting beauty. Despite the rhythmic cadence of the waves, the melody held its own, each note clear and poignant, refusing to be completely swallowed by the ocean's song.

The melody flowed beautifully for several minutes until you heard the gentle splashing of footsteps on the shore – which sound seemed to stop not too far from you. Immediately, you halted your playing, opening your eyes and becoming instinctively alert. With a quick motion, you turned your head to the side to face the figure standing there, their body facing towards the sea.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to interrupt you.” He kept his gaze fixed to the ocean ahead.

Yasuo – you had not seen this man for so long. Your heart started to beat faster as the sudden adrenaline rushed in, as things you wanted to say, ask, blame, everything flooding in you all at once. Last time you had seen him, it was before he left the dojo to aid the war, disobeying his orders. Then came the tragic news of Elder Souma's death, branding him a wanted criminal on the run. And it culminated in the unthinkable - he had killed his friends... no, our friends, who chased after him, and ultimately, his own brother, Yone.

"Yasuo..." your voice was low, barely above a whisper. You stood up from your seat, facing him squarely as you held the hilt of your sword firmly, though it remained sheathed.

Yasuo noticed your stance, his face twisting with guilt that seemed to consume him from within.

"Don’t… I'm not here to hurt you, please... I would never..." His words came out in a jumble, as if struggling to piece themselves together.

Instinctively, you lowered your hand to your side in response, feeling the weight of his grief and guilt behind his words. You had known this man for so long - an impulsive, determined soul, yet undeniably kind. Despite the strict training schedules of the dojo and your busy role as a healer, Yasuo's carefree nature had a way of easing your responsibilities. During the early times, you were often tasked with catching him for skipping his training, but those moments ended up filled with shared laughter and camaraderie. It was during one of these times that you discovered his fondness for music, hearing him play the flute with skill and passion.

And, Yasuo had always been somewhat protective of you, ensuring blame never unfairly fell on your shoulders, especially when faced with Yone's questioning. Memories flooded back of the times he had accompanied you, stood up for you – his friendly teasing and banter creating a deeper bond between you two. Yone had possessed a certain warmth that had drawn you in, but Yasuo provided you with a sense of security in his own way.

“…I never believed what they said about you. I never believed you killed Elder Souma,” you said carefully, your tone colder than you intended. 

Yasuo glanced at you, a little taken aback – to be honest – before turning his head to face the waves, his face showing a mixture of emotions. “Thank you, that is one person less to convince, I believe…” he said with his husky voice.

"But," you continued, your voice trembling slightly. "If you hadn't left..."

If you hadn’t left your post, maybe… Yone might still be alive. 

You bit your lip, cutting off your words before they could delve deeper. You know very well you’d get nothing by pressing the matters further into the already guilty man, yet, small part of you still clung to the past – to that certain incident, the weight of it catching up to you. Glancing down at your feet, you watched the waves passing and receding, lost in their rhythm. 

“…That thought also haunts me even until this moment,” he sighed. “…I know you would never forgive me for that, but, please know that… I-I’m… truly sorry.”

Yasuo was fully aware of your closeness to Yone, and to be very honest, he would feel a tinge of jealousy from time to time towards his own brother back in the days. But he would never confront you about it, nor Yone, as he silently respected his brother and the bond you shared with him. Your moments with Yasuo held their own special place inside him, filled with cherished memories. He truly appreciated the time you spent together, just as you had accompanied him through his own trials, and that was more than enough for him.

You fell into a heavy silence, feeling a wave of guilt wash over you after voicing your blame, whether deserved or not. Yone, until the end, was consumed with his own self-blaming, and you couldn't find the words to help him at that time. You also felt that you have your share of guilt of the outcome of the incidents. Although Yasuo did leave his duty, you knew there were more factors at play that ultimately contributed to Yone's death. 

You mourned deeply for Yone, but you also realized that dwelling on past mistakes would not lead you anywhere. The same applied to Yasuo, you thought. Although he had not shared the details with you, rumors had flown everywhere regarding the incident. Now, after meeting him in this demeanor, you could tell very well that he was truly consumed by his own guilt. His casual, cheeky side was nowhere to be seen.

As you observed Yasuo facing the sea, his silhouette outlined by the setting sun, you couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy. You balled your fists as you gathered your will to speak.

"…I didn’t mean to push you further down. I’m sorry," you told him as you moved closer to him, regretting what you had said earlier. He looked at you with a sad expression still visible on his face. "There is this past we had shared, but I think it’s time we… move on from that, together, Yasuo." How easy it was said than done, you thought to yourself, but you just had to bring this up to him, trying to nudge him back up. He took a deep breath, his eyes still fixed on the sea.

“I do have my fair share of guilt, you… are not alone, Yasuo,” you continued, your voice soft but firm. You paused, glancing at him, his gaze never leaving the horizon. “…I’m grateful I still have you on my side, I really am… and I hope you still do, too.”

You knew his burden was far heavier than yours, but you just wanted to offer some comfort – in hopes you both find a way to move forward from the shadows of the past. You glanced back into the horizon silently for a moment, before you heard a low chuckle coming from his side.

“…You don’t know how much that means to me,” he said, his voice quiet but filled with sincerity. “You sure don’t change. Thank you.”

He turned towards you, and although his eyes still held a hint of sadness, his lips curved into a small smile – the weight on his shoulders seeming to lift ever so slightly. You smiled back at him – as if to shove the negative thoughts of the past down – feeling a sense of warmth in the air as the ocean wind blew gently around you. You let the silence stretch between you just for a bit, to let every moment sink into you.

“…Hey, how about we travel together for now?” You finally asked. “We seem to be a good pair for traveling.”

“Many people still chase after me, and I don’t want you to get involved. I won’t risk you getting hurt. I would never…” Yasuo's voice held a note of concern as he seemed to object to your idea of traveling together. You could sense his protective instinct, the weight of his past actions still heavy on his mind. Despite his protest, you remained determined.

“Nonsense, I thought you were strong enough to protect me?” A small, teasing smile appeared on your face, lightening up the mood. “I’ll heal you in exchange of your protection.”

He let out a small chuckle at your playful response. “I never said I was… – anyways, you have to know the road I take is dangerous, and I’m being very serious.”

“Yes, I understand it very well, mighty Yasuo,” you smiled at him, putting your hands on your hips. “Besides, I got to learn how to use a dagger for self-defense for a bit. I suppose you can help me train as well, yes?”

Yasuo sighed defeatedly, although he knew you wouldn’t back down so easily, he couldn’t help but smile at your determination. He truly wanted to protect you from harm, but he also knew the enemy chasing him sometimes were more dangerous that it had seemed – and he was not going to risk you for it, not again.

“Okay, okay…” he answered, holding the nape of his neck in resignation. “But promise me, when things get more dangerous, I’ll have to drop you off somewhere safe, okay? No objections.”

“Hey, come on…” you slightly pouted, giving him a playful nudge. Yasuo chuckled at your reaction, a sense of lightness filling the air between you.

The tension of the past seemed to fade away as slowly as the sun sank lower and lower. You could feel the bittersweetness of the past as your closeness to Yasuo was reigniting, even though the war had left scars on both of you. Forgiveness – a powerful notion, one that seemed to hang in the air between you. Despite the pain, there was a glimmer of hope for a new path, a chance to let go of the burdens that had weighed you down for so long.

Yasuo truly cared deeply for you. The memories of your past closeness still lingered in him, leaving him somewhat hopeful that you could find happiness together once more. Yet, he also knew very well that the wounds of the past ran deep, and it would take time to heal.

As the evening descended, casting a warm glow over the sea, you and Yasuo stood side by side, gazing out at the horizon. There was a sense of peace settling between you, a silent understanding of the journey ahead. 

You placed your reassuring hand on his shoulders as you came up with good idea to spend the remaining evening.

“Say, you wanna play the flute alongside my lyre?”

[julissart]

☆ OP FANART MASTERLIST ☆

If you like my art, support me on Ko-Fi

Usopp

Birthday boy

Meeting his father (angst)

Pan Usopp (meme)

Buff Usopp

Mistaken ideal type

G-8 Hair down

Recalling mom

Elbaf Usopp (Part 1)

Elbaf Usopp (Part 2)

Lusopp

Luffy hugging Usopp

Sunflower

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Lusopp Social Media AU

New Food Place

Staying home + food fight

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Sanuso

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Sanuso Week 2024

Day 1: Ice Skating

Day 2: Fairytale AU

Day 3: Childhood friends

Day 4: Reality TV

Day 5: Sci-Fi (Men in Black AU)

Day 6: Gods & Demons

Day 7: Time Travel (40 years old Sanuso)

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In a heartbeat AU

OP Actors AU

Sanji confession

Cinderella AU

I'm not gonna lie to you (The Simpsons meme)

Daylight picnic

Megamind AU (angst)

I don't dance (HSM2 AU)

Sad song K.will (angst)

Flirting after party (Wano)

Comforting nights (doodles)

Personal taste-tester

Dynamic headcanons

How long before we fall in love

Tell me (kpop reference)

Not soulmates but...

Crisis, identity

Sanrio sanuso AU

Then vs Now (angst modern AU)

Mourning a loved one

Gods and Demons AU (Part 2)

Energy kiss (short animation)

Zosopp

Flowers

Kissing scars

Fluffy hair

Words and kisses

Usokaya

He makes me laugh

Fic art

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Sun & Moon

Shirtless Usopp

First Kiss sanuso

Jealous Usopp

A promise before battle

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How can I love you (angst with happy ending)

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Unthinkable

A Night on the Town

Luffy

Luffy & Going Merry

Luffy Gear 5

Second breakfast (LOTR meme)

Luffy as Captain Jack Sparrow

Sanji

Tiny Waist Post timeskip Sanji

Bluest blue

[bvtbxtch]

Angry Heart | Eddie Munson x fem!reader (Part 4: The Aftermath)

Summary: Your best friend Chrissy Cunningham always got everything she ever wanted, even you new friend and crush Eddie Munson. When Chrissy does the unthinkable, Eddie is left to pick up the pieces alone... or is he?

Pairings: Eddie Munson x Chrissy Cunningham, Eddie Munson x Reader (eventually), reader and Chrissy are friends but have a fallout. Minimal usage of Y/N

Series warnings: MDNI 18 +, Smut, fluff and angst (everything all rolled into one beautiful shit show), mentions of drugs and alcohol being consumed, overall adult language and theme. By clicking the read more, you agree that you are over 18! Ageless and minor blogs who interact will be blocked.

Word count: ~6.8k

A/N: It's TIIIIIIIIMMMMMMEEEE! Thank you all so so so much for the love on this little fic that could. This was going to contain more smutty smut smut, but I am going to do a part 5/conclusion to this fic and it will not take 4 months for it to come out LOL. I have been frantically writing for the past week, so I am v sorry I have missed y'all! Thank you for your patience!

Prologue

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

The crunch of gravel underneath your half-laced converse was deafening. You finally felt free enough to let the small streams of tears waterfall down your face. Your ears were ringing with a choir of Eddie’s disappointed questions. You pressed your eyes shut to see Eddie’s warm eyes become dark pools of hatred. Eddie hated you, he must have; But how would you know? You burst through Eddie’s wobbly front door and bound down the steps before he could stop you - and lord, he wanted to stop you. 

His feet were planted, like vines of insecurity had seeped through the floor and trapped him where he stood. He reached for you in desperation, instantly regretting the poison that had spewed out of his mouth. He had just had you, finally, and he shoved you away.

“What do you mean, that wasn’t the first time you and Steve kissed?” Eddie’s hands began to shake, everything around him moved in slow motion. Why would you do that? Why would you do that to him? You had him in the palm of your hand and instead of embracing him, you tightened into a fist and crushed him. His mind played tricks, replacing your beautiful glowing eyes with Chrissy’s bored baby blues, your kisses that were stamped on his face and neck now burned, reminding him of how Chrissy’s glossed lips used to trail the veins of his neck. As much as he tried to burn her from his memory, the remnants of her wrath scorched him. 

You couldn’t meet the boy’s betrayed gaze. Your lips quivered in defeat. It didn’t mean anything. You didn’t want him to. You wanted to grab Eddie’s face and yell to him, that the time that Steve’s lips touched yours, you dreamt they were Eddie’s. That you pushed the quaff of Hair away from you and you ran through your front door, desperate to hear the rasp of your metalhead. But you didn’t. You retreated into your brain, like a black hole suctioned you through space. You couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t talk. The beautiful boy in front of you paced and pulled at his curled roots, his pasty face contorted in a pout. His glazed eyes made your own burn.

“What the fuck, Y/N? You- you try to fuck me in the bathroom at his house, you come home with me, you tell me you want me, when you’ve been kissing him all along? Do you like him? Did you fuck him?”  Eddie’s words sliced through you. You heard him, but could barely register what was going on. Your brain screamed one thing only at you:

Run

So you did the only thing that seemed logical. With a betrayed look in your glassy eyes, you turned on your heels and stampeded for the door. The trailer’s small hallway seemed to stretch on for miles, your hand getting further and further away from the door. Your heart screamed at your brain to allow you to stop and curl into Eddie’s broad chest. You wanted to scream into his ribs so his heart could feel how sorry you were. But you wanted to hit him. You wanted to pound your fists against the walls and yell at him - this wasn’t anyone’s fault. You weren’t - and still aren’t Eddie’s girlfriend. He doesn’t own you and you don’t owe him anything. But your stupid brain shut off and carried you down the drab carpet of the trailer. Eddie watched you in silent horror - watching you slip through his fingers yet again. 

The cool October air pushes your held breath out in a broken sob. You stand just outside of the Munson trailer door, hoping - pleading with the universe - that Eddie will cross the threshold of his safety inside and pull you back into him. But, he didn’t move when you went to leave. He let you go, just like he did before. You ruined what good thing you had coming for the two of you. With another crisp sigh, your shoulders shrank to your ears, you wrapped your arms around your torso, and you trudged along the gravel to walk yourself across town to get into your own bed and shut the world out.

The air, which was once cool enough to don only a light jacket, had become more punishing than when you picked your outfit this afternoon. Your breath fogged in front of you as you shivered your way down the side of the highway. You couldn’t help but let your thoughts grow cold with your body. Your sorrow turned to anger and resentment. How dare he? How dare he make you feel guilty when he did the exact same thing to Chrissy with you. How dare he get angry when he strung you along for so long. You hated to admit it, and maybe it’s why there was a ping of want in your chest when Steve kissed you, but you now understood part of Chrissy’s need to be desired. Steve wanted you when it felt like no one did. You had gotten a bit drunk on the power before the sobering idea of Eddie’s heartbroken face pulled you away from the moment. You just wanted Eddie to need you as much as you needed him. 

You were so entangled in your own thoughts, you barely noticed the incandescent beams that cast your shadow in front of you. Your eyes tore from the gravel when you heard a soft voice call your name. A beautiful brunette with big blue eyes peered at you from her tidy station wagon. 

“Oh, hi, Nancy.” you sniffled. You rubbed your nose and flashed the girl a tight smile. 

“Are you okay?” Her sweet soprano lulled you in. You broke. You missed having a girl to talk to.

“Umm… no” you waffled. 

“Get in.”

You only knew Nancy Wheeler through her reputation at school. Before she graduated, you knew her as the goodie two shoes who got straight A’s and was in every academic and writing club she could get her manicured hands on. She was nice to you, but intense. 

What you didn’t know about Nancy Wheeler is that now that she had graduated and was working for the Hawkins Post, she found time to experiment with her wild side. You had gently got into her car and even though she offered to drive you home, she also begged for you to go to the opening of a new nightclub downtown.

“I don’t know, Nance. I’m literally in my outfit from Steve’s party.” Nancy waved her hand like she was fanning your words away from her. 

“Not a problem at all. Most kids that were at Steve’s will probably show anyway! Besides, you have nice legs. Your skirt shows ‘em off.” She winked at you and with a small giggle, you conceded and buckled yourself in for an adventure with Hawkins’ sweetheart.

The ride there, Nancy probed about why you were crying on the side of the road. Your emotions spilled out of you like a bleeding wound, you couldn’t stop the hemorrhaging of feelings you threw at the girl who flashed her big eyes between the road and your face in utter awe of the twisted story you laid out for her. The only response she could let out was a small ‘holy shit’.

You let out a sad chuckle, and she grabbed your clammy hand resting in your lap. 

“Fuck Eddie Munson, Fuck Steve Harrington, and Fuck Chrissy Cunningham. Johnathan is coming to pick me up and he’s gonna drive you home too. Let’s drink this whole problem away. The rest of the night isn’t about you, or some stupid boys.” Nancy’s gaze was mischievous, but you could tell that her words were sincere. You were ready to let Eddie and Steve melt away from you like a layer of candle wax. You were ready to illuminate just for you. No boys. No Chrissy. Just you. 

The early morning of November 1 was full of weed smoke, fireball shots, and blaring music. The neon lights of the new dance club reflected off of your damp skin. Your body had been fastened next to Nancy’s in the middle of the dancefloor, while shot after shot flowed through your body. You thought you were tipsy at Steves? That seemed like nonsense. Your limbs felt fuzzy and limp, but the euphoric smile stayed plastered on your face. The only thing running through your brain was how loud the music was and how your throat burned from the shots. You grabbed onto Nancy’s bony hips and danced with her. You both laughed as you slotted your leg between hers and mimicked the desperate young couples on the dancefloor needy for some sort of action. The music ebbed while the DJ transitioned to the next dance track, so Nancy grabbed your wrist and led you back to the crowded bar. You both squeezed up to the bartop, bumping shoulders with a skinny blonde. It wasn’t until you turned your eyes to Nancy’s grim face that you knew something was wrong. You saw the girl mouth a small ‘fuck’ before you caught her eyes making contact with someone else’s right behind you. You mimicked Nancy’s fuck as you heard a shrill voice over the new thump of the next track.

“Fancy seeing you here, Y/N… Didn’t you leave to sleep with my boy like three hours ago?”

You felt your body go numb as you turned to face another pair of baby blues, but these were attached to a glossed scowl and a tall blonde ponytail. Your jaw tightened as she looked you up and down.

“Gee, for hanging out with total burnouts like the Hellfire club, you really don’t know how to hold your liquor.” You flinched at her cutting words. Your heartbeat quickened. Chrissy, the girl who used to support you through almost anything, the girl who used to support your friendships, the one who even pushed you to pursue Gareth so you could go on double dates with her and Eddie, now weaponizing everything you love against you. 

“Fuck off, Chrissy. I’m not doing this.” You tried to push your body off of the bar, but the monster in front of you grabbed your shoulder and leaned into your ear.

“Why? Did you hear about how Eddie called me after you left his? How he told me how much he missed me? Let’s go outside and talk about it.” Chrissy dared. Your eyes darted to Nancy, her face screwed into an angry and concerned scowl. You cupped your hand to Nancy’s ear and told her about your plan to go outside with Chrissy. You reassured her you were fine. You told her you were  finishing this once and for all. She questioned you with a glare, but you nodded in reassurance. 

“Fine, Cunningham. Let’s talk if you wanna talk.” You let the girl lead you out of the club through the front door, once again, you were met with the cool November air, a stark contrast from the heat from the club. 

You fully admit that hasty decisions made when drunk rarely end up being good decisions. In your brain, telling Chrissy to fuck herself was going to bring you closure. It was going to end your night on a win and you were going to dance the night away with Nancy until Johnathan dragged your tired bodies off the dancefloor. But that was an ideal world, not real life. You seemed to be ignorant to the fact that alcohol also amplifies the hold your feelings had on your heart. 

“What the fuck do you want, Chrissy? What the fuck did I do to you now?” You scoffed. You tried your best to harden your heart, but the waver in your voice let Chrissy know that she had gotten to you. In her game, she had won. A sinister smile spread across her flushed face.

“I just wanted to give you a warning. Since you think that you can finesse my boyfriend away from me.” The girl spat. 

“Ex-boyfriend Chrissy. Tell me why I was just with him and he said you were through and he wanted me?” Chrissy cackled at your rebuttal.

“Hah. I guess there is one thing I know about Eddie Munson that you don’t.” Chrissy stepped towards you. “Munson will do anything for a lay.” Chrissy spoke with such casualty in her voice it made your blood run cold. “I mean, you and I both know I definitely gave it up the first time he took me out, but I was desperate to see what the fuckhead was packing…”

“Shut the fuck up, Chrissy!” you wished your voice could be used as a forcefield to push her backwards. She did step back, however, impressed with the strength in your voice. But she laughed, she knew she had taken residence under your skin, it was time to play with all of your nerves. 

“Why? Are you jealous of me, Y/N?” Chrissy sneered. “Are you finally ready to admit that you’re just angry that I got everything you ever wanted? I was the top bitch. I was the one that could have anything she wanted. I was the one that won prom queen. I’m so much bigger and better than you could ever be… Was Eddie just the final nail in the coffin for you?”

Chrissy’s words began to fuzz together. You can’t help but close your eyes to block her barrage further. You finally understood. You got who Chrissy Cunningham really was. It started as a chuckle, but grew into an uncontrollable laugh. When you opened your eyes back up, you were greeted with Chrissy’s confused stare. 

“All this time… you thought I was jealous?” you couldn’t contain the amused giggle that kept escaping. Chrissy’s cheeks grew more flushed and her brows furrowed tighter with every passing second. “Chrissy, why would I ever be jealous of you? The only thing that ever mattered to you was you - a-and your fucking image! Look at the people you left in your wake! Who the fuck do you have left? Heather? Sarah? Where are they now?”

“O-oh please? Like you have fucking Nancy Wheeler? Big deal.” Chrissy’s voice wavered. She could feel her power and influence fading. 

“Yeah, I do. I have lots of people in my corner. But I have myself. I may not feel that fucking fantastic about myself right now, but I know I’m a good person, and I know I deserve love. Do you think that about yourself?”

For the first time tonight, Chrissy was silent. It was only a beat, but it signaled her small defeat - even though she would never admit it to you.

“But, we kissed at the party today. He wants me back, I know it.” She pouted at you. 

“You kissed him at the party. He then turned around and kissed me.” you spat. “I think you should take that hint-”

The words were stolen from your mouth as Chrissy’s hand made contact with your cheek. You felt instant heat on your face and your word felt like it was going to flip completely upside down as your balance was rocked. Shocked tears pricked your eyes as you stared in bewilderment at the girl who you once called your best friend stood there, knees shaking and chest heaving. She looked like she was going to throw up, her flush face now pale. You heard a sweet voice turned hardened highlighted by the dull bass of the club entrance. 

“Back the fuck up, Chrissy!” Nancy barked. Chrissy backed herself against the wall and started to laugh. 

“Get your bitch out of here, Wheeler. I’m fucking done with you both. You and Eddie deserve each other. You’re going to sit and rot here in this stupid town and I’ll be long gone.” Chrissy cried. She shouldered Nancy on the way out. Your chest heaved and you crumbled into the sidewalk, sliding your back down the cement wall of the club. The brunette’s small frame followed you. You sat in silence, only the faint womps of music interrupted the silence. 

“Do you want me to go back in there and kill her?” She peeped. You gave her a hearty laugh. She eyed you carefully before joining in. You leaned your head on Nancy’s bony shoulder and let your shoulders heave. Before long, your shakes of laughter turned into silent sobs. You were so tired, so drunk and so unbelievably confused. 

A blinding pair of headlights approached as the offending vehicle puttered to a stop. Before the lights were fully blinked off, a clump of footsteps could be heard on the concrete. Both you and Nancy and you both shielded your burning eyes, Nancy grabbed your wrist with her free hand and squeezed. A familiar, but not fully welcome tone calls your name. 

“Get up. Let’s go.” The voice was hard, but a sniffle and a sigh book ended his words. You stood slowly, in amazement of the pale face before you. Just a few hours ago, his cheeks were red and his eyes glowed down at you. Now, his skin was dull, his eyes sunken behind puffy bags and a red nose. Your heart broke looking at him. 

“E-Eddie? How did you know where to find me?”

As soon as Eddie had come to and realized you had left, he collapsed in on himself. He couldn’t help the tears that poured past his lash line. He pulled his hands into fists and threw a punch to his door as he burst through it. He flopped his body onto his bed and allowed his shoulders to heave as a sob wracked through him. Once again, he fucking froze. Once again, he let you walk away. Once again, he lost the one person he felt like he couldn’t live without. He felt like time had slowed, that he had simultaneously laid on his bed four hours, but mere moments ago you were in his arms. He cried and screamed until his lungs felt they would collapse and his throat was raw. 

His realization kicked in. You left. Alone. In the dark. With no vehicle and no way of getting home without him. He jolted out of his bed and ran to the door, ripping his keys from the hook on the wall. 

Eddie drove to your house and banged on the door, but there was no answer - all the lights were off and things were too silent for you to be home. He cursed under his breath and ran back to his van. He drove any walking routes he thought you might take: along the sleepy highway, down by Hawkins High or through the middle of town. He saw no signs of you anywhere. It was late. There were no stores open, bars calling last call, street lamps buzzing in a mocking whisper. He shouldn’t have let you go. He kept repeating it in his head and out loud. He shouldn’t have let you go. His silent drive prompted reflection. He had no right to say anything, especially after Chrissy kissed him at Steve’s party literally that night. He should have listened to you. He should have heard what happened. But his stupid insecurities got in the way. He wasn’t good enough for you, he knew that before tonight. But now this had really solidified it for him, you don’t deserve the shitstorm that he has brought to your life. You deserve to be happy, and have friends and have a boyfriend, and as much as he wanted that to be him, he knew that you very well could pick someone else, and he would understand. He mirrored your self-sabotage exactly, you both feeling less than.

Eddie began to grow desperate. If you got hurt - hell if something else happened, he would never forgive himself. He trailed around your favorite hang outs around town and gave up hope. He did have an idea of where else you might have gone. 

The knock on the neat wooden door was loud and frantic. Gareth stumbled to open the door with sleepy eyes and a yawn.

“Dude, what the fuck? It's like 2 am!” Gareth chided. 

“You were asleep?!?” Eddie grabbed at the collar of Gareth’s faded Metallica t-shirt. “You’ve been asleep this whole time?”

“Yeah, man! What the hell! I left Harrington’s shitty party early and fell the fuck asleep. What’s going on?”

With a whimper, Eddie let your name slip through his mouth before bursting into tears again. Gareth wrapped the tall boy into an embrace and shuffled him into his living room. The two boys sat on the couch recalling the events of the night, through sighs and shed tears from both of them.

“Dude, I need to ask you a serious question, and I know you know the answer… I think you just need to fully admit it to yourself.” Eddie looked at Gareth dazed, but sent him a small nod.

“How long have you been in love with her?” Even the thought of loving you sent heat straight to his cheeks. The thought of being able to touch you, to kiss you, like he had at Steve’s party without any reason made his stomach flop. 

“I-” Eddie chewed on his lip. He felt like he had been enamored by you since you first met. When he saw you on stage during his first rehearsal in the theatre, he knew that you were going to be a permanent fixture in his life. But love? That was scary. He didn’t love Chrissy. He hadn’t had a girlfriend before her. His family, other than Wayne, never showed him what love was. It felt like a foreign concept. But the fact that he was sitting on his friend’s couch crying over how worried he was, that was a pretty good sign right?

“I… think it was right before the play went up this year, when I got to spend so much time with her.” Eddie’s voice was quiet. He felt powerless, but not threatened. He was ready to fully give up everything for you now. He was ready to submit to his feelings. 

“Why didn’t you tell her then and break up with Chrissy?” Gareth probed. His questions weren’t pushy. He was truly asking to help Eddie untangle the mess of thoughts woven in his mind. 

“I-I tried to.. When I kissed her - that day in the theatre - I had this silent hope that she was going to just… know. She was just going to understand. She was going to feel all of the things I felt for her and she was going to ask me to leave Chrissy. And I would have, if she asked… but I was so scared of being burned by both of them, I tried to save both… and now look where that has gotten me.” Eddie;s head fell into his hands. Gareth put a reassuring hand on his broad shoulder.

“Eddie, she knew.” Eddie’s face flew from his hands to study the boy’s green eyes across from him. “She’s known all along, but both of you are assholes that are too scared to admit it. But think about it, Ed. She had so much to lose - too much to lose. You needed to make that move, so I am telling you, when we find her, you need to tell her. No more holding back. It’s going to kill the both of you.” 

Eddie now understood why you had gravitated to Gareth so easily. He cared so effortlessly for you, and Eddie now realized how much he had taken Gareth’s friendship for granted. He couldn’t help but wrap the dusty blond boy into a tight hug.

“Thank you, Gare.” Eddie whispered, too scared to speak louder and erupt in tears yet again.

“Yeah, just don’t cry again, dude. I can’t take any more of your crocodile tears.” With a sniffle and a chuckle, the boys broke their embrace. Both of their attentions were grabbed from the living room by a shrill ring of the kitchen telephone. Both boys jumped off the couch and crowded around the receiver. A squeaky voice rang through the phone.

“Gareth??”

“Wheeler? What the hell are you doing calling me at 2:30?” The smaller Wheeler sibling was babbling and gasping for air on the other end of the phone. Your name came up between pants and a mishmosh of words.

“Slow down, Mike. What happened?” Gareth’s eyes were glued to Eddie’s. Eddie was whispering small encouragements to Gareth, pleading to pry any information out of the freshman.

“Nancy just called me from this new club downtown? She-she said that she was with Y/N and that I needed to call you to come get them! I think something happened!” It took Eddie no time to leave Gareth’s side and lunge for his keys. Gareth quickly thanked Mike and hung up the phone.

“Do you think I should come with you, Ed?”

“Nah, Gareth. I gotta do this alone.” Eddie’s face turned cold, stoic, scared. He was worried sick and felt a pang of nausea that Nancy had found you in a club of all places. With a pat on the back, he wished Gareth good night and hopped back into his car, trailing way too fast down the winding roads leading him downtown and into your arms. 

Nancy’s voice snapped the tension between you and Eddie. You felt like a fist was squeezing your heart. You could barely breathe. 

“I-I called Mike to get Gareth to come help.” Nancy looked at the floor, apologetic. You twisted your head to look at her, and you gave her a thankful squeeze on the arm.

“I had gone over to Gareth’s to look for you. I drove to your house and downtown and to the board game cafe… I just couldn’t find you.” Eddie’s voice had softened slightly. You felt the fist on your heart tighten harder. Eddie reached for your limp wrist with a brawny grip. He wasn’t going to let you slip away again. 

“Let’s go please.” His eyes pleaded with you. “Wheeler, do you need me to drop you off?”

“Nah, I’ll be okay. Johnathan will be here soon, and I might have a bitch to fight,” Her smile was mischievous, but there were flashes of sorrow for you in her eyes. 

“What does she mean?” Eddie flashed you a perturbed stare. Your eyes couldn’t meet his as you whispered Chrissy’s name. That was all you could power out of your rapidly weakening chest. It's all it took for Eddie to roll his eyes and rake his hand over his face. He wished he had the strength to walk into the club, grab her and give her a piece of his mind, but the only thing he had any energy left was to get you home safely, and never leave your side. Eddie pulled you towards his van as you blew a kiss to Nancy and hollered a sweet goodbye.

“Take care of her, Munson. Or I’ll have to kill you.” Nancy dared, her hands crossed over her dainty chest. Eddie offered her a small thank you.

“No, really. I’m a wicked shot.” Both you and Eddie stopped and turned to her in surprise. A small giggle escaped your lips. Nancy waved you both off and sauntered back to the front door that engulfed her in neon dance lights when she opened it. 

Eddie silently opened your door and put your seatbelt on you. Neither of you could meet each other's gaze as Eddie’s strong arms reached across you. He closed the door and you let out a sigh of relief in the moment you had alone in the dark van. Eddie restarted his van and pulled away from the club. The radio was uncharacteristically low, and although Eddie had found you in one piece, he refused to turn it back up. You rode in silence down the streets of your neighborhood. Eddie’s stare would flicker from the dark road to your figure every few seconds. He needed to make sure you were real, that you were actually there with him. You fixed your weak body against the passenger window and glued your stare to the passing trees. The windows of your neighbor’s houses sneered back at you just like Chrissy did. 

“I was worried about you,” Eddie muttered. “You shouldn’t have run off like that.”

As relieved as you were that you were driving further and further away from the club and Chrissy Cunningham, the more confused and angry you grew at the boy who took you away from her. You couldn’t help but let a small chuckle leave your lips. Eddie scoffed back at you.

“You shouldn’t have let me leave in the first place” you hissed. No way. There was no way he was going to be mad at you. You folded your arms over your chest, willing yourself more metaphorical armor to protect your heart from all the conflicting emotions. 

“Yeah, well you shouldn’t have kissed Steve Harrington.” Eddie’s plan was slipping through his fingers. He was panicking, and the only thing he knew how to do when he was panicking, was be mean. 

“You should have never, ever kissed Chrissy Cunningham either, Eddie!” You shouted. Eddie opened his mouth to say something but screwed it shut into a scowl. The silence was deafening. For the first time since you got into his van that night, you looked over at him, your eyes absolutely absorbing him. He wanted to pull the van over and kiss some sense into you, show you that he definitely knew that he was never supposed to have been with her. It was always you. But you had shut down. You had given up on him, like he deserved. He couldn’t handle more heartbreak than he had now. 

The aching silence came to a head as Eddie pulled the old van into your driveway. Without hesitation you reached over for your seatbelt and opened the creaky door. Time slowed down for both of you, both desperate for the other to give in and just stay, to just collapse into the other. But, you were too hurt and Eddie too guarded. Eddie felt his body freeze when you looked at him (for what felt the last time) as you slammed the passenger door closed and trudged to your front door. Your face fell into a frown and tears flowed, for what you hoped would be the last time in a while.

You fumbled in your purse for your house keys. You finally found the small keychain that Eddie had gotten you from Corroded Coffin’s one day trip into Indianapolis to hang flyers, and you couldn’t help but let your shoulders slump more. Eddie’s headlights illuminated the door. You pushed your keys in, but saw a large shadow approaching your door before you could turn the knob. Your glassy eyes panned up to watch Eddie wildly bounding up your porch steps to your door. The vice grip around your heart loosened as Eddie’s face contorted into a frown. There was hope in his eyes, it was small, but you could tell that there was a glimmer. You dropped your hand.

“I have watched you run away too many times. I can’t let you slip away again.” Eddie wept. His hands flew to your cheeks and ran small circles over your skin. He looked expectantly at you, hanging on every move you made. His palms burned into your skin, you could feel his heartbeat like a bass note through an amp; your body absorbed his energy and you couldn’t force yourself to move away, like it would be disturbing all laws of nature if you did.

“Please don’t let me leave again” you breathed. Before you had time to react, Eddie’s mouth was on yours, the place where he truly felt it belonged. All tension you felt in your body melted away and you felt how truly weak you were. Eddie’s arms engulfed you in a wave of warmth - you were home. You willed your lips off of his and peered through your thick lashes. Thick tears trailed down Eddie’s cheekbones. You pushed your door open in a silent invitation. Too scared for his hands to leave your body, his hands slid to your hips and pushed you through the frame into darkness, peppering kisses against your lips. Eddie spun you and the weight of your bodies pressed the door closed.

As soon as you were fully enveloped in the dark quiet of your home, you pulled Eddie closer into you. What once felt so unsteady, like paper floating through the air, was solid. The impact was like an anchor sinking your heart to the bottom of your stomach. Your back pressed against the cool wood of your front door; Eddie stealing your breath made your head spin. The fuzzy feeling the alcohol had given you had long gone, and Eddie’s lips trailing from yours to your collarbone sobered you completely.  Your senses were deprived. The only thing that you could make sense of was the boy in front of you. The only thing your body was responding to was. Eddie. Eddie. Eddie.

Too close wasn’t close enough and the trails he left across your neck became desperate. Your breath hitched as your hands found purchase in his thick curls. You felt Eddie’s soft moan breathed against your goosebumped skin. His strong hands wrapped themselves around your sides under your sweater. His calloused fingers sent shockwaves through your abdomen. Eddie slotted his leg between yours and pushed himself in closer. As desperate as you were, Eddie was tenfold. He wished that it was possible for the two of you to devour each other and become one. Each blazing kiss he planted to your complexion, he sent a manifesto of how much he cared about you, and how he never dared leave you again. You received his advances openly, pushing your chest into his. Eddie’s mouth traced back up to yours, both of your desperate to tell each other just how much you needed one another without speaking. 

Eddie suddenly pulled his kiss chapped lips away from yours. His chocolate brown eyes bore into yours, he was studying every little detail of your face. His brows furrowed together in melancholy. 

“Eddie, what’s wrong?”

“I… I just… I want to remember everything about this moment, just in case I don’t get to do it ever again.”

“Eddie, why-” The boy cut you off with a small sigh and a quiver of his bottom lip. He pushed himself away from you, now feeling like your body was a black hole, ready to destroy him at whatever cost. You had been drinking. You had to have drinks to kiss him at Steve’s house. The waves of uncertainty washed over him like a tsunami. Your chest tightened at the whiplash, but the boy looked scared. His big eyes were glassy and his cheeks rosy. He chewed lightly at the lips that were just on you. 

“Because I don’t deserve you. And I’m scared you’re going to wake up and think that this was the worst decision of your life.” Eddie’s eyes could barely meet yours. With a quick flash of a self-deprecating smile, his face was trained to the floor. You couldn’t help but wrack out a heartbroken chuckle. 

“You don’t trust me? You don’t believe me when I say that I want you, Eddie? That I want to be with you and that has been the only thing that has occupied my fucking mind since I fucking met you!” you raised your voice. You felt conflicted. What did he need? You kisses weren’t enough, your words weren’t enough. Tears flowed freely again.

“I, just don’t want you to regret this, sweetheart. I wouldn’t fucking choose me if I were you…”

“God fucking damn it, Eddie! Why can’t you just listen to me!?” Eddie’s jaw clenched at your scolds. 

“Don’t fucking yell at me! Last time I checked, I should be the one that’s mad! You worried me sick! I ran around the whole city looking for you, and I didn’t care if you were falling back into someone else’s arms, I just needed to know that you were okay because I lo-”

“The only reason I god damn ran away is because I couldn’t stand you shoving me out! I couldn’t handle your rejection yet again because I fucking love you-” The words flew out of your mouth like the tears on your cheeks. All the noise of the two of you yelling ceased and it was your turn to stare holes into the floor. The room felt like it had shrunk 10 times smaller and the temperature rose. Your cheeks were on fire, and you couldn’t felt your fingertips. As long as you had felt this way for Eddie, you were always too afraid to admit it out loud. Even though Gareth had probed you about your feelings, you didn’t dare say it out loud to him - or to anyone. Feelings were too scary. Compartmentalizing your feelings felt easier. But now, everything had changed because you loved Eddie Munson and you told him and now he stood in front of you saying nothing. 

“Please don’t joke like that…” His voice was small. You flicked your eyes to see his figure taking cautious steps towards you. “I can’t take it if you don’t mean that.”

A simple whisper of his name let him know that you were serious. You began to shake as you felt the uncontrollable angst and relief of letting your feelings out. 

You loved Eddie Munson, and you always would love Eddie Munson. 

“Can you say it again, please?” For the first time, you heard the flamboyant, loud, exuberant person before you speak timidly. You looked to his pleading eyes and they gave you the courage you didn’t think you had.

“I…. I love you, Eddie. I think I have for quite a while.” You sobbed. 

Eddie said nothing, but took your hand and pulled you into him. The moonlight illuminated his pale face that twisted into a small smile. He pulled you in for a kiss so saccharine sweet, you felt that you were going to get a stomach ache. His hands cradled your face like you were made of porcelain. He pulled away from you and rested his forehead on yours. Your hands mirrored his, longing to feel the apples of his cheeks pressed up in a smile. Silently, he led you up the stairs to your room, and pulled your sweater off your shaking body. He followed with his own shirt and pants. You slid your skirt and tights down your body. The two of you stood silently, raking in each other’s bodies. Eddie sat himself down on the bed and pulled your hands so you stood between his legs. His hands rested on your hips and yours on his shoulders. You leaned yourself down to press your lips to his again, needing another reminder that you, in fact, weren’t dreaming and that Eddie was going to stay. The metal head guided your hips so you were straddled over his lap and leaned back with an oof, so you were both lying horizontally on your bed. You both let out a small, nervous giggle. Your lips worked their way back to his’, tongues lazily snaking in and out of mouths, hands tracing new skin that hadn’t been seen before. 

Eddie guided the two of you to your pillows, never allowing more than a moment of your lips being apart from his. His body had felt the most relaxed in a long time. Your touches sent fire through his nerves. You whimpered into Eddie’s mouth and he pulled away from you. 

“I don’t think we should tonight, sweetheart.” Eddie whispered into you. “We’ve both had a long day, maybe we need to take the night to think about things.” Your face twisted into concern at the beautiful boy under you. He noticed your worry and flipped you over so he was on his side leaning over you. 

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you. I always have”

Eddie spent the next hour with you breathing heavily against his chest, falling asleep almost immediately after he had invited you to lay on him.

Eddie, for the second time, would not get any sleep staying with you in your bed; but this time, the rogue tears that fell were full of adoration, and he whispered small ‘I love you’s at your dozing figure. 

Eddie was happy if he never slept again, as long as his nights all consisted of this.

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Also, Steve Harrington fic ideas in the works! Stay tuned!

[lelianasbong]

Part 2 baybeeeee. Continuation of this fic - aka what if Wyll's a masochist and desperate for Astarion's teeth in him actually?? What if I wrote it from Astarion's POV this time. What if this is careening out of control and chapter three is imminent. Ahahaha wouldn't that be nuts how's the weather

He spends some time considering Wyll.

Wyll, who is looking especially fine tonight. Sitting by the fire, rich umber skin painted sunset colors by the flames - there are shadows in his mismatched eyes, soft and used to smiling despite their twice-over otherworldly nature. His horns cast strange and eerie shadows on the ground; his body is well-built and adorned with scars that demonstrate a life of remarkably reckless service to others.

How he yet lives is a mystery for the ages, honestly.

Wyll, it turns out - in addition to spending his idle hours plotting ways to rescue ever more kittens from trees - spends rather a lot of time thinking about Astarion's mouth. More than the vampire might've guessed, and he does like to think his mouth has been the inspiration for its share of lurid fantasies, some more colorful than others -

An interesting development.

Not for the first time Astarion thanks their funny little parasites for continually opening new doors for him as they do, rife with unexpected gifts. What strange fortune! He might be tempted to kiss the ground and thank the gods for this little development had they not already betrayed his faith a thousand times over. No, that ship has long sailed.

He should be thanking the mindflayers instead, at least until such a time as they all start sprouting tentacles. He would have remained ignorant (and ignorant of his ignorance) without them. How long has Wyll been sitting on this fantasy, stewing in it? The Blade of Frontiers would've never openly admitted to wanting Astarion's fangs in him, would he. Could he?

Perhaps he couldn't, he thinks. Perhaps it's a step too far into the realm of the unthinkable for even the renowned Blade.

But perhaps not so unthinkable for Wyll.

First thing's first. Damage control. If any good is to come of this - and there is, he knows, much good that can come of this - he can't risk scaring the other man off.

He'll perhaps have to ease Wyll into the idea that - sometimes - he can have the things he wants.

Really, it's too perfect. A willing donor - and more than that, an eager donor. Not an animal, nor an enemy he has to subdue. He rolls the idea around in his head, admiring it like a pretty bauble: no need to be particularly stealthy or strong, in fact he needs only exercise restraint. No more stinking wildlife getting stuck in his teeth or fevered grappling with someone who just won't die (unless, perhaps, the illusion of the latter is something that stirs Wyll's blood).

Fresh food delivered right to his doorstep.

He's salivating just thinking about it. Moving up in the world, he thinks, giddy with excitement and making a half-baked and entirely doomed effort at not getting ahead of himself. Really, it was futile from the beginning - he cannot look this gift horse in the mouth. And it is a gift, this -

Willingness. Willingess which could be a beast entirely unlike itself, something Astarion knew all too well. It disguised itself, at times, as begrudging tolerance. Reluctant acceptance. The acknowledging of an unfortunate necessity, like doing taxes or digging latrines.

Wanting, though - wanting was different. Wyll craved it, he knew now - felt it in his bones, in the borrowed blood sitting sluggishly in his veins. Their tadpoles ensured that there were few secrets between them when they got to wriggling: he remembers the adrenaline high of battle, putting his blades to work again and again, and his reward when all but one of their enemies was felled: the last one standing, his prey, wrenched from its ill-considered task and succumbing in short order to the bite. A particularly satisfying kill. That lowly piss-pot had nearly taken Wyll's life - intolerable for reasons he does not care to examine just now, but certainly in part because Wyll is their de facto leader and the only one keeping this merry band of miscreants in line. The man's weapon had managed to make contact with Wyll's flesh, breaking the skin despite Astarion's urgent intervention - a superficial wound, spilling precious few drops of his blood. The Blade had certainly sustained worse injuries, shed far more blood in the name of the Frontiers.

Still. He took great delight in liberating all of the slaver's blood from his body in retaliation.

In the moment, he'd been entirely too focused on feeding and keeping his prey from moving overmuch - not that it would've done him any good at that range. Struggling as he was, if he managed to pull free his artery would be wrenched and split on Astarion's fangs, quite defeating the purpose of escape and robbing him of his meal besides. But it was a good meal despite having to restrain it, and his eyes had slipped shut in hapless pleasure, drinking heartily and unselfconsciously -

It was only when he heard a soft sound, not from the throat in his jaws as expected - the quiet, final noises so common to those desperately clinging to life and finding the cord severed - but from before him that Astarion opens his eyes and finds - Wyll, in the shadow of his kill, looking at him like the second coming of Strahd. Only -

His head had throbbed then, eyes widening in surprise and - quickly - comprehension. He had felt Wyll's deep-seated want curl around him with every enthusiastic gulp: the wet sounds of Astarion's industry a ballast in Wyll's brain, every nerve in his body attuned to that sound and the motions of his throat as he swallowed hungrily, devouring his victim. Astarion had moaned involuntarily at that, hot blood in his mouth made impossibly hotter by the way Wyll's good eye remained entirely focused on him. Equal parts horror and fascination - and no small amount of arousal, if his blown out pupil was any indication - were evident in his expression.

Astarion had an absurd thought, then: feeling rather like a wayward cat that's brought the mangled remains of a dead mouse to his patriar's door, ever indulgent: Here. I saw this and thought of you.

He would not have guessed Wyll's interest, not in this - and not for lack of interest in the man or his proclivities (which Astarion found himself mulling over considerably more often than he ought to). It's simply that, in his experience, monster hunters who desire their quarry carnally are also often hopelessly repressed and prone to cultivating deeply fucked up ideas about who qualifies as person and who doesn't, and whether or not that justifies whatever they intend to do to them in the moment.

Wyll isn't like that.

Repressed... maybe. It's hard to say. But never cruel. He travels alongside a vampire spawn, a Sharran cultist and a githyanki space pirate like it's a perfectly ordinary thing to do, and that was before he sprouted horns and an infernal eye. Wyll apparently saw in Astarion's most bestial features and abilities something… desirable, something to make him ache sweetly, something that no one else in camp could provide, and Astarion thrilled at the knowledge. To be wanted for the whole of what you are? It was novel. It was magnificent.

And Wyll does like him, insofar as he can tell. As a person. And isn't that an oddity! He trusts Astarion. With his life even. At the very least he certainly wasn't about to let some other vampire bite him. His survival instincts were only broken some of the time.

He treats Astarion like a man first and a monster second, not a condemnation but a practical reality: his vampirism merely a facet of his life, one that differentiates himself from others, not unlike Karlach's persnickety engine or Gale's yawning arcane hunger.

And it is this, above all else, that solidifies his decision.

Wyll is still by the fire, looking appallingly resigned to his fate when Astarion approaches him (vicious mockery is perhaps what the man anticipates, not sudden death at the hands of a ravenous vampire - what Astarion wouldn't give for such priorities!), and… increasingly nervous, and no, that won't do at all. He intercepts his path, casual, sensing a man foolishly about to talk himself out of a perfectly reasonable course of action.

"You know, dear," he says, keeping his tone as light as he can manage. Wyll isn't glass-fragile but it won't do to come on too strong, not after their unexpected meeting of the minds (as delicious as it had been). No matter how much his fangs ache in his gums, he's got to focus. He thinks about Wyll's strong pulse - in all honesty, can think of little else -

Vitality. The depth and breadth of life.

Wyll smells awfully nice.

"This could be quite fortuitous for you and I," he motions, stopping just short of being in Wyll's personal space. Wyll ponies up, sensing there's no tabling this conversation now.

"It isn't-" he starts, stops. Starts again. "I don't want you to think that's why." Piffle. The hell it's not, Astarion thinks meanly but doesn't say. His eyes narrow. Wyll's too busy contemplating his navel to notice, eyes downcast in what could have been bashfulness but which Astarion recognizes as closer kin to contriteness. For the wrong thing, of course: he feels himself an imposition when he is an oasis.

Exhausting.

"And whyever not?" he ventures, feeling rather more impatient than he lets on. He checks himself internally. He will never get far by rushing Wyll. Knows this. It is a tremulous peace they have, and too easily disrupted by frivolous desire if he's not careful and mild in his coaxing.

It's just that he's been daydreaming about his blood for weeks, to say nothing of the man who harbors it. He's salivating, and Wyll is right there, and he wants it -

More hesitation.

"I want to help you." Not an untruth, he concedes. There is no situation in which Wyll isn't volunteering to help, but it's hardly the whole of it and if he can't bring himself to say it, well. Astarion will just have to help him along.

"You want it," he says, because this is no time for ambiguity. There are things he must be certain of, that they must be certain of. Astarion again considers the difference between willing and wanting, the various shapes and shades of them. Nods absently to himself, surer now of his course. Wyll -

Wyll…

"Yes," he manages. He's getting in his head again, Astarion can tell - raw memories flit through his mind, foreign remembrances that feel like his own as they pour through the sieve of their psychic connection: Wyll standing before his father, one incident unto the next, doubt and shame and the ghost of resentment a maelstrom of miserable distraction.

Astarion shoots him a look. Soon Wyll will need to learn something he internalized long ago: getting in one's own head means getting in one's own way. Wyll's father is a thousand leagues distant. Astarion is right here.

"What do you want from me, Astarion? Yes, it's tempting. I don't- it isn't a consideration I want you to place above your own needs. It doesn't matter. We can drop it."

How pointlessly noble, he wants to sneer. As if Astarion would ever. What he needs is to sink his teeth into Wyll, feel him squirm with want of it.

Fully intends to, if only Wyll can meet him halfway.

"Or we could not drop it," Astarion volunteers, making every effort to keep his voice neutral. He feels like a teakettle simmering too-hot on the stove. Ready to boil over at the slightest encouragement, seconds from screaming -

The night is long, and he listens to Wyll's heartbeat in the absence of his own. It's strong and sure and when Wyll finally steps forward, it's all he can do to disguise his mind numbing relief as mere playful indulgence as he purrs in his ear: "My dear, consider how we might take care of one another."

Knowing that a bite is all but guaranteed at this point means he can relax a little, and he softens his approach by inches, determined to enjoy himself. For Wyll to enjoy himself. It's not every day one gets to savor a homemade meal, after all. And with such handsome presentation!

Wyll may still need some... careful attention, in order to feel more comfortable and less out of his element than admitting his desire had evidently left him. Astarion tells himself that's why he slots himself easily and comfortably in Wyll's arms, as sturdy and warm as he imagined they'd be (not that he'd thought about it). When the younger man raises tentative arms to his waist - almost boyish in his hesitation, so unlike the easy confidence with which Wyll normally navigates the world - Astarion rewards him with a smile. He's doing so well. It's precious.

Wyll asks if it will hurt. Astarion assures him it will, how very nice that will be. Promises, promises. A shiver runs through his body, and Astarion catalogues that particular reaction away for later. For now, he seeks to drive out any foolish notions of guilt on Wyll's part - knows he must, if he intends for this to happen a second time.

And he does intend a repeat performance, if his companion's at all amenable. The idea of hot blood on tap - Wyll's blood on tap - Astarion bites his tongue to prevent himself from latching onto the exposed skin of Wyll's neck, soft where he's nosing against his jawline.

"Worry not, O Blade. I rather like that you like it. Do you think I'd prefer to be where I'm not wanted?" He allows his very real displeasure at the thought to color his tone. No harm in the truth, not in this. It's important for Wyll to know his desire is reciprocated, that his desire is itself desired, one into the other and on and on.

Astarion leads him to his tent.

-

How many times has he heard the battlecry? 'The Blade does not yield!'

Except when he does, it seems.

Wyll is laying in Astarion's tent - pretty as a painting, a light sheen of sweat on his brow and collarbone catching in the low lantern light fetchingly. He's eyeing the space, taking it in - Astarion's things, physical proof of his presence if the body beside him were not enough.

He looks young here, but not uncertain: he is reminded that Wyll has only lived a fraction of his years, will only ever live a fraction of his years. He's struck by the thought that the man before him is chillingly, hauntingly... mortal. Brief even in longevity, humans hardly have time to live before they're gone. Supposing his devil blood has not altered him in as yet unforeseen ways, Wyll's fate will be the same, and if he doesn't stop with the chronic heroics his life will be shorter still.

He won't, though.

That thought invites disquiet so Astarion dismisses it out of hand. Back to business.

He looks to Wyll, who meets his eyes with a kind of defiance, a resolve born of want. Determined to go through with it, for his own ends or Astarion's (but hopefully both). He tilts his neck back gracefully, and it's Astarion's turn to stare -

"How very considerate of you, darling," he says instead. Straddling Wyll's waist, he is determined to savor the moment despite the sharp spike of hunger that takes him then. He caresses Wyll's handsome face - brushes his full lips with passing fingers in his haste, decides that's an acceptable diversion before meandering purposefully downwards, stopping fully at his throat. Admiring that most pronounced vein in his neck - thrumming with life, impossibly fast and strong beneath his fingers, sweet-smelling even through the barrier of Wyll's flesh, another temptation.

Astarion's teeth ache. He has always had a sweet tooth.

Obscene, the way he waits for it. Wyll - is holding himself back from trembling, fingers alternately clenched and wiggling, as if he keeps noticing the tension and overcorrecting. The anticipation's ruining him, though he's doing a very good job of hiding it under an otherwise self-secure veneer. Apart from his hands he is very determinedly still, rigid in the way of someone wading into unfamiliar waters. Like a virgin on his wedding night, Astarion thinks with good-natured humor. He can see the restlessness in his body, even if unpracticed eyes might not - anticipation and arousal and a sort of fear that isn't - because Astarion is trusted, but Wyll knows better than most what devastation those fangs are capable of.

But then... that is surely part of the appeal, he concedes.

His hand moves reluctantly from Wyll's neck to land on his shoulder - the better to steady himself, and give Wyll proper leverage besides, should it become necessary. He squeezes once - a reassurance, and a question.

Through the fun little psychic link he shares with his comrades, he has seen a great many things, many of which aren't fun at all. He has seen flashes of Wyll's life, heated moments that brand themselves in his memory as surely as his own assortment of traumas. He has seen Ulder Ravengard banked by fire - disappointment and shame -

Wyll's father had called him a needy creature; but as far as Astarion can tell, Wyll has only ever needed to be needed. To be... essential. He has seen it through Wyll's two eyes, and then one; has tasted the bitterness of his tears in the wake of his exile from Baldur's Gate, when for lack of other choices he made himself, at last, essential to the Frontiers.

He catches Wyll's eye. Perhaps Wyll sees something there that Astarion is not yet ready to acknowledge - slips his warm hand over Astarion's cool one and meets his gaze without rancor or fear. Strong in his surrender and generous with his bounty.

Astarion feels pulled-apart, rent thin by gratitude and desire both, his hunger a thing that lives in his heart. He says "thank you," as if it were enough.

He leans in, and Wyll closes his eyes.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey Steph

Happy Holidays!!!

I love swimming and as a child i would always go to indoor pools with friends in the Christmas holliday. So I was wondering, do you have any swimming fics? With a holiday/vacantion or maybe even a christmas theme?

Love and Cuddles

Nonnie

Hi Nonny!!

AHHH I'm SO SORRY for putting this off so long, Lovely, but I had a NEW LIST I COULD USE THIS ASK AS AN EXCUSE TO POST LOL.

I don't know specifically with a Christmas theme, but I do have amazing fics featuring swimming! I hope you enjoy what I have for you, and if anyone has fics that they want to add that has Swimming in it, please add them below!

JOHNLOCK AND SWIMMING Pt. 2

See also: Johnlock and Swimming 2019

BOOKMARKS

The Palmyra Atoll by elwinglyre (E, 16,609 w., 3 Ch. || TSo3 Divergence / Episode Fix-It, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapped John Watson, John Whump, Evil Mary, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Toplock, Limited 3rd John POV) – As John's preparing for the wedding, Sherlock is preparing to have his heart broken, and Mary is prepared to do the unthinkable. Intervention required. Enter Sherlock. Set before Sign of Three with a far different outcome. John is drugged, kidnapped, and left on an island, but not just any old island.

Chaperones by MissDavis (T, 34,114 w., 7 Ch. || 11 Years Post-S4, Fake Relationship, Parentlock, Disney World, Bed / Room Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Insecure John) – Right. Of course. Everyone assumed they were a couple and no one would question it. John put his elbows up on the table so he could rest his head in his hands. "You want to pretend to be a couple so we can chaperone a trip to Disney World with Rosie's class and you won't have to share a room with a stranger?" "Exactly." Sherlock beamed at him. "Don't worry about the cost. The Birmingham case last month paid more than enough to cover expenses for all three of us."

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater /  Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

MARKED FOR LATER

Gone and Changed by cwb (E, 4,617 w., 1 Ch. || Farm/Ranch American AU || Teenlock, Friends to Lovers, Angst, High School, Summer Vacation, Swimming, Hot Weather, Oral Sex, Car Sex, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Falling in Love, Mutual Pining) – John and Sherlock are best friends, until John goes and changes. Part 1 of the Just Like That series

Forces of Nature by Ewebie (E, 18,369 w., 1 Ch. || Unilock || Rugby Captain John, Hammock Sex, Bad Jokes) – Sherlock watched as the man pushed himself out of the water and onto the floating dock constantly anchored in the middle of the lake. Oh. He was… He was quite tanned. Broad shoulders sloped into a narrow, muscular waist and tapered hips that disappeared into the navy swim trunks. Somehow the breadth of the shoulders made the thighs and legs that appeared out of the bottom of the trunks look delicate. Tanned in their own right and powerful, but oddly proportionate to the shorter stature the man seemed to possess. Sherlock watched the water run off of him, down his back, tracing a path along his spine and through the pleasing fossae lumbales laterales and lumbar lordosis into the waistband of the trunks. Sherlock swallowed. Shit.

Wrestled By The Sea by eragon19 (E, 35,323 w., 9 Ch. || Merfolk AU || Merman Sherlock, Different First Meeting, Magical Realism, Seaside Cottage, Falling in Love, Mystery) – When John Watson takes up Mike's offer to recover at his seaside home he expects quiet relaxation, healing and being dead bored. What other options did a man on a tiny army pension have? What he doesn't expect is to meet an odd man who only swims at night, and has the most unusual swimming stroke John has ever seen....

Hearts Don't Break Around Here by thatawkwardfriend (M, 54,796 w, 12 Ch. || Teenager AU || Homophobia, Past Abuse, Artistic John, John saves Sherlock, BAMF John, Horse Riding, Swimming, Minor Violence, First Kiss / Time, Making Out, Fireworks, Carnival, Fluff and Humour, Angst with Happy Ending, Death / Funeral, Hurt / Comfort, Morning After, Domestic Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining) – When John gets in a fight at school, his parents send him to Sussex for the summer in hopes that living with the Holmes’ will shape him up. It is there that he meets Sherlock Holmes: a class A asshole too smart for his own good. John expects a long, dull, lonely summer. What he does not expect is to form an unlikely friendship with the strange boy across the hall. What he expects even less is to fall in love with him.

Worst Kept Secrets by Sherlock1110 and sherlockian4evr (M, 66,611 w., 9 Ch. || WiP || Engagement, Coming Out, Angst and Feels, Homophobia, Idiots in Love, Big Brother Mycroft, Fluff, Scars, Weddings, Honeymoon, Playing Pirates, Parasailing, Archaeology, Paintball, Swimming, Golf) – For the prompt: What if the thing Mycroft did to upset Mummy... was to come out? What if, as a teenager, Mycroft decided to tell his family that he is gay, and his parents disowned him for it? It's okay now, he runs the British Government, he IS the British Government, but there's still that tiny part of him that wants his parent's acceptance, especially now he's found the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Part 4 of the Sherlock and Mycroft Fluff series

Slipstream by khorazir (M, 290,208 w., 25 Ch. || Tour de France / Sports Cycling AU || Room Sharing, Cycling Injuries, Discussions of Drugs/Doping, Awkward Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Bickering, Case Fic, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, Mutual Pining, Bed Sharing, Jealousy, Bi John / Demi Sherlock) –It’s going to be the last Tour de France for professional cyclist John Watson. Despite the hardships of cycling more than 3000 kilometres in three weeks, in blistering heat and torrential rain, over dangerous cobblestones in northern France and the mountains of the Alps and the Pyrenees, battling thirst, hunger, injury and exhaustion, not to mention bitchy rivals, doping allegations, and the ever scoop-hungry press, he is going to enjoy the ride, damn it. That’s what John keeps telling himself – until he meets his new teammate, Sherlock Holmes, who adds a whole new list of problems as well as an extra dose of excitement to John’s life.

WORKS IN PROGRESS

Dissonance by CarmillaCarmine (E, 76,624+ w., 14/? Ch. || WIP || Punk Band AU || Pining, Bi/Gay Panic, Best Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Swimming, Music, Doctor Watson, Drug References, First Time, Blow/Hand Jobs) – Straight from military service, living a life devoid of purpose, John meets a man who reawakens his passion for music.

Just Like That Series by cwb (E, 201,462+ w. across 4 works || Series WiP || American Teenager / Farmer AU || Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Angst, High School, Summer Vacation, Swimming, Friends to Lovers, Car Sex, Mutual Pining, Falling in Love, Kissing) – John and Sherlock are best friends, until John goes and changes.

Noctiluca scintillans by alexaprilgarden (E, 240,796+ w., 28/30 Ch. || WiP || 1990’a Teenlock AU || Summer Holidays, France, Drug Use, Swimming, Skinny Dipping, Angst, Masturbation, Slow Burn, Coming of Age, Alcohol Abuse, Period-Typical Homophobia, Switchlock, Heartbreak, Happy Ending) – August 1994: These are John Watson's last summer holidays. It's his first trip abroad in ages, and the first one without his parents -- three weeks on a camping site at the French Atlantic Coast, together with Harry and her girlfriend. It's swimming and hanging around at the beach, red wine in the evening and sleeping in. Until a dark-haired boy at John's age puts up his tent a few feet away from him and changes everything.

[agerefandom]

10 Favourite Regression Dynamics

I’ve made lists of some characters I headcanon as regressors, and characters I headcanon as caregivers: and I love a good ‘character and reader’ dynamic, but here are some canon dynamics that I LOVE to add age regression to! 

Important note: these aren’t necessarily romantic ‘ships’ and they might not be healthy age regression dynamics but they’re dynamics I find it rewarding to write about! 

1. regressor!Will and caregiver!Hannibal (NBC Hannibal) 

Starting strong with a regression dynamic that is not healthy but it is such an interesting thing to add to their existing codependence! Will gives me such agere vibes and Hannibal’s existing trauma around his big brother history make this such an interesting dynamic to explore. It definitely tilts the power balance faaaar in the direction of someone who will take the opportunity to do terrible things with it, but that’s basically what you’re signing up for with any story about Hannibal Lecter. 

2. regressor!Jack and caregiver!Bitty (Check Please!) 

No one exudes stronger caregiver vibes than Bitty: I’m definitely a supporter of this as a double-flip pairing (with both regressing and caregiving) but I want the sad hockey man to get cuddles, goshdarnit, and you know that Bitty would just be the sweetest most thoughtful caregiver and I just gah they’re already such a good pairing with such canonically developed communication as a couple and I would love to see that skill applied to something as vulnerable as regression 

 3. regressor!Harry and caregiver!Sirius (Harry Potter) 

If anyone deserves a chance at a second childhood, it’s Harry Potter. And I think that when he connected with Sirius as a young teen, he really saw that possibility. I think it would be so sweet to see Sirius actually able to give Harry that full parenting: both at the age he is now, and all the ages that he missed. I just strongly feel like Harry is a regressor, and as much as I like writing him with peers supporting him, I feel like he deserves a real parent figure who can support him in that role in and out of regression, especially in his teen years. 

4. regressor!Jon and caregiver!avatars (Magnus Archives) 

Okay, this is more of a whump thing than a good dynamic, but I just want to see little!Jon dealing with avatars when they’re being nice to him, and it’s like 90% manipulation but it’s also a bunch of monsters being sweet and you can kind of read it as genuine if you squint. I’ve got a vision and it includes literally any of the not-quite-human characters of the Magnus Archives, ranging from the mostly-sweet (End!Gerry) to the completely-terrifying (Bouchard). 

5. regressor!Tony, caregiver!Pepper (Marvel) 

This is the first pairing that ever made me run to write regression fanfiction, and I do believe that I would not be an agere writer without them. Ironically, I’ve never finished and published any of my fics about them, but they have my whole heart. Taking Tony’s earlier unthinking dependence on Pepper and bringing it back in a healthy way, with limits and negotiation and emotional vulnerability, showing how much they’ve grown as a couple? Yes please!! 

6. regressor!Cullens, caregivers!Carlisle and Esme (Twilight)

I am such! a! sucker! for immortal beings finding a way to reclaim the concept of time and childhood. Carlisle and Esme canonically find a lot of value in being parents, and considering that they’re such a range of ages, I think that regression is a neat way to create that dynamic, and I just like big groups of regressors in a family and it scratches all of those interests in one!! 

7. regressor!Morty, flip!Rick (Rick and Morty) 

It’s the toxicity for me!!! I make no claims that this would be a good thing, but also I enjoy writing about the things that trigger Rick’s ‘oh shit I have feelings’ mode and you can’t tell me that regression would not key into that, both in his own experiences as a flip and then having to face it as part of Morty’s trauma. And Morty simultaneously trying to get away into independence but getting drawn back by Rick’s kindness in this single circumstance ties into all of the terrible themes of the show. 

8. regressor/caregiver flips Dean and Sam (Supernatural) 

Speaking of codependence, I cannot choose which of these boys is more symbolically resonant to have as a regressor, and both of them certainly have enough trauma to make it a viable coping mechanism. I think they have the art of balancing each other down to an art: especially in the early seasons, you can really see that process in the way they take turns being the Angry one. Writing about that balance in the context of regression is an interesting concept, and then the way that Dean relates to caregiving versus needing care, and Sam’s desperation to be the reliable one... it’s just a lot of tasty angst to play with alongside the sweet opportunity for a childhood without the war they were raised to fight. 

9. regressor!Erik, caregiver!Christine (Phantom of the Opera) 

Okay, this one is like ninety percent for the aesthetics, because you do need to do some handwaving over canon to make it fluffy. But Erik needs reparenting, and flipping the relationship from the original dynamic with Erik as a kind of father-figure is a nice way to reclaim the story from the original gothic maiden themes. 

10. regressor!Dave, caregiver!Roxy (Homestuck)

All hail my Ride Or Die regression dynamic!!! It’s basically canon and I stand by that! Dave called her mom and said that it feels nice to think of her as a mom because he had such a mixed experience with his own parental figure. And she’s got her own complicated feelings about parenthood and guardianship, but says that she likes it when Dave calls her mom, and it all just makes me very happy.  

This has been my TEDtalk on my favourite regression dynamics!! Thank you for coming!! 

[yanny-77]

I Don't Feel Safe With You Anymore: Final Chapter

Chapter 5 of 5

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Word Count: 2,782/9,090

Fic Summary:

“What makes a dragon abandon her rider?"

It's been five days since the Battle of Basgiath and Xaden still hasn't heard from Sgaeyl. The dragon left the college, needing time and distance to reflect on and process the changes to their bond since Xaden reached for power. Xaden is determined to give her that space, even as his magic drains the longer she stays away. He fights the urge to channel from the earth with everything he has but being a rider, his body is no longer compatible with life without magic.

He can wait for her to come back. He can hold out.

The alternative is unthinkable

Chapter Summary:

Sgaeyl returns and shares her feelings with Xaden about his betrayal. Then, she leaves Xaden with a terrible decision to make.

Excerpt:

“Are you in control?” Her voice is cold, colder than usual, with none of her usual amusement. His heart sinks; the hurt he’d caused has not yet healed. Xaden comes to a halt. “I am.” Her large golden eyes slowly blink, signaling that he may continue his approach. His fingers reach out and they trail down the cool scales on her front leg. He breathes a sigh of relief at her closeness. The time away has treated Sgaeyl well. Her navy scales sparkle brightly in the early morning sun. She appears strong, healthy. The devastation in her eyes when she’d left after the battle has faded, allowing her usual ruthlessness to shine through. She doesn’t say anything and Xaden notices that the bridge connecting him to her has frosted over. There’s a stillness in her countenance that seems foreign and unfamiliar. Unease floats down the bond.  Xaden lifts his hand and backs away slowly. It is never a good idea to be so close to an uneasy dragon, even if it’s the dragon you’re bonded to. “Is everything alright, Sgaeyl?”

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This fic was written as part of the Basgaith Birthday Bash. See chapter notes for credit.

Thanks to Niv, @sarahydeart and @suebswrites for beta in this chapter and throughout the fic. Thanks to @acourtofladydeath for giving me pointers for maximum damage in this final chapter.