#WHATEVER IT TAKES TO HAVE HER CONSTANT ATTENTION AND AFFECTION<3<3<3

[vbecker10]

Yours to Hold

Pairing: Loki x female reader (Y/N)

Summary: You are part of the Einherjar, Asgard's standing army, and you have been ordered to stand guard over the king while he endures the Odinsleep. Despite your task being to keep constant watch over the king, your eyes are drawn to Prince Loki as he sits with his father. You feel a desperate pull to comfort the younger prince but you resist all of your urges to reach out and hold him.

A/N: Another fic based on a song I got stuck in my head, I couldn't help it. I know I'm supposed to be doing other stuff but this idea wouldn't go away. I added the song, Yours to Hold, at the bottom. Hope you enjoy this super short little thing that has no fluff and no happy ending, sorry 💚

You stand quietly at attention at the foot of the king's large, fur covered bed. The queen sits to one side of him, her hand holding his tightly as he slips deeper into the Odinsleep. You watch her whisper to him, knowing that although he sleeps, he will remain aware of what transpires around him and throughout the universe.

As a part of the Einherjar, you will remain on guard in the king's chamber until he awakens. It is impossible to predict how long the Odinsleep will last, recharging the Odinforce has been known to take anywhere from one night to six months when prepared properly. This time, however, no one was prepared and the palace has been left in a state of shock.

The tall double doors open, two guards enter and bow deeply to the queen as Prince Loki moves past them into the chambers. Queen Frigga stands quickly, walking towards her son to pull him into a long embrace. The younger prince of Asgard was the only witness to the king's swift decent into the Odinsleep and clearly looks affected by whatever caused it.

Queen Frigga whispers something to her son, who has taken on the temporary responsibility of being the king of Asgard as Prince Thor's banishment has yet to be reversed. He nods solemnly in response and gives her a gently kiss on the cheek before she follows the guards out of the royal bed chambers.

Prince Loki doesn't appear to notice you or the other two guards in the room as he takes a seat where his mother had been for the last two hours. The God of Mischief carefully places one hand on the fur blanket and looks at his father as if he is afraid to touch him. It breaks your heart to see the mixture of emotions in his eyes but there is nothing you can do to offer him the comfort he obviously needs.

I see you sitting here, but you're so far away, you think as you watch him study his father's sleeping face. You're going through so much, I wonder why you look so hurt, so lost, so confused. I wish I could take it all away. I want to be here for you but you're just out of my reach.

I know that I could be the one to hold you, to comfort you, if you could only see me but you don't even know my name, you think as your heart aches.

You will see someday that all along the way I was yours to hold. You should know, I'm ready when you're ready for me. I'm waiting for the right time, for the day I catch your eye, to let you know that I'm yours to hold, you think even though deep down, you know that day will never come.

I hope you liked this!! Please like, share and comment if you did 💚💚 Please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!

@soubi001 @mochie85 @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @animnerd @cabingrlandrandomcrap @icytrickster17 @mischief2sarawr @mjsthrillernp @holdmytesseract @lulubelle814 @goblingirlsarah @alexakeyloveloki @siconetribal @lokidokieokie @kneelingformyloki @jiyascepter @eleniblue @loreniscrying @muddyorbsblr @alyeskathewave @loz-3 @firedrakegirl @javagirl328 @princess-asgard @morally-grey-variant @soulpiercing @km-ffluv @glitterylokislut @biodegradable-glitter-fest @wolfsmom1 @simone818283 @hopefuldreamers-world @blackhawkfanatic @slut4tonystark @dracoswhorexx @sunglasses-in-the-bentley @anukulee @latriacy @trojanaurora @babygirl-panda19 @catsladen @stargazer-luna @rcailleachcola @lunarlopt @gruftiela @bolontiku @scrumptious-finicky-illusion @lokischambermaid @clemthecustestmonster @lovinglokilaufeyson

[heartbeatbookclub]

About the partners headcanons ask, i meant the latter! sorry if it wasn’t obvious haha

shit this has been sitting in my askbox a while--

I have been thinking about this a good while, but I did also...kinda forget about it for a little lmao...part of the time spent thinking was of how exactly I wanted to format it. I considered doing more of a bullet points sort of thing, but I think in general it's just easier to do this the way I typically explain things on this blog.

Rather than doing specific explanations of the potential relationships between each computation of the girls together, I'm going to speak broadly over each of them and talk about it in a more Poly Dokis sense, since that's typically how I do it anyway. With that intro out of the way, here's my vision in no particular order:

Sayori in general is a very lovey sort of person, regardless of if you're just close friends, or in an actual relationship. As a result, not a great deal actually changes in that respect. She is an absolute cuddlebug and physical touch is definitely her top love language to give, to most people's enjoyment, and some people's slight annoyance (Natsuki). I imagine she works down everyone's personal bubble until it feels weirder to not have a Sayori nuzzling somewhere on their body. She likes playing with everyone's hair. They also like playing with hers; it's a win-win. She's also a big fan of spending time with the others, whatever it is. Anything is fun as long as they're together.

On terms of receiving, Sayori very much likes words of affection, though she doesn't always believe them. She needs a lot of reassurance and reciprocation to be sure that she's doing enough in the relationship, and has a constant worry that she's being overbearing, or that her own failures and stupidity makes her a burden to others around her. Regardless of who she's with, all 3 of them try their best to make it clear that she's doing perfectly fine, and they still love her, obviously.

Sayori relies very heavily on Monika emotionally. I think that's a universal truth of their relationship no matter how it's spun. She does her best to be honest with the other 2, hard as that might be sometimes, but Monika is the only one she feels she can truly be herself around, and Monika is more than happy to oblige. In return, Sayori tries her hardest to help her as well.

She genuinely likes listening to Yuri talk about whatever she's passionate about. It makes her happy to hear Yuri so passionate about something, and she's always glad to encourage her to come out of her shell more. She lets Yuri go at her own pace on terms of how they take their relationship and in general gives her a lot of patience, but as long as Yuri doesn't mind, she will take every opportunity she can get to cuddle up to her. Once she gets past her initial embarrassment, Yuri really appreciates her wordless style of affection and makes an effort to reciprocate. Occasionally, she uses Sayori like a weighted blanket.

Sayori understands that Natsuki needs more space, but is quite persistent in her efforts to break her out of her shell, too. Natsuki is initially pretty put off by Sayori's style of affection (go figure) but doesn't exactly dislike it, it's more like...not what she's used to. She initially rebuffs her, but doesn't exactly fight it very hard. She's also glad to have someone to genuinely talk about manga with, though she gets the sense that Sayori isn't exactly reading into it as much as she is...

Monika has never been in a real relationship in her life, and it shows! She treads very lightly, feeling completely out of her depth, uncertain of what's correct or expected, as though that's a normal question to have in a relationship. She's fairly naive and stumbling her way through it to start. Once she finds her footing though, she's happy to be able to provide love to the people closest to her. Maybe too happy. She tries exceptionally hard to be a good girlfriend, with little attention given to herself. This is something the other 3 try very hard to make up for.

Her primary love language has gotta be words of affection. She loves using pet names and giving lots of compliments. Once she gets over the initial embarrassment of saying "I love you", it becomes her most used phrase, and no matter how many times they hear it, it absolutely melts the others every time. She's also a huge acts of service girlie. She loves being able to buy them lunch, or give them a ride, or help them with homework, or something. She's absolutely the type of person to buy you a lunch when she hears you don't have money for one, and won't hear anything about you paying her back.

She is incredibly bad at receiving affection. She'll minimize your compliment, she'll make sure she gives you something in return for any act of service, and she doesn't want to waste your time if you have somewhere else to be. The other 3 work incredibly hard to just get her to accept that they love her, too, which forces her to introspect on the matter. The one thing she doesn't suck at receiving is physical affection, and consequently it becomes her favorite, particularly from Sayori.

Oh yeah, this is somewhat offhand, but she's a terrible kisser, at least to start. Just thought I'd throw that in too

I think the biggest thing I'd like to establish in what the other 3 see in her is that she makes you feel absolutely safe and welcome in her presence. Whenever you talk to her, suddenly all of your problems and everything stressing you out are miles away, and everything is going to be okay. And she is very happy to provide that for other people; hearing that always makes her heart happy.

She tries her absolute hardest to make sure Sayori gets everything she needs in the validation department. Monika and Sayori reflect each other a lot, to the point that they both generally know what the other is thinking even when they don't voice this. Whenever Sayori is refusing to say something because she doesn't want to create friction, but it needs to be said, Monika will say it for her. Monika voices her needs when she doesn't want to, and she trusts Sayori to do it in return.

She vents to Yuri often whenever she just needs someone to listen, and Yuri likes to rub her back to ease her stress. She does her best to listen to what Yuri has to say in return, as well as humor her talking about her interests, but has a hard time saying she shares the same passion she does for them.

Monika is the one who most enjoys flustering Natsuki, and is also typically the most successful. Natsuki, of course, really enjoys turning the tables and flustering her in return. Natsuki in particular finds it funny that Monika has turned to manga as something of a guilty pleasure.

This is something else tangentially related, but I just realized that because I only advanced my DDLC shipping thoughts in a discord server, I never posted this here, so I think an essential part here is that I think all of the other girls have a huuuuge crush on Monika. Like head over heels, for various reasons. Sayori is obvious but the others find it hard to deny, she's like, the perfect woman. Monika has no concept of anyone having a crush on her prior to them admitting this, and is completely shocked.

Yuri has a somewhat warped view of what romance looks like, given to her by media she consumes. Very pure and romantic and dripping with prose. The thought in the back of her head is constantly "I could never do that...I guess I'll be single forever..." and when she actually ends up in a relationship it ends up throwing her entire worldview out of whack in that respect. In general, the others all spend a lot of time reassuring her that they all love her for her, particularly when she's herself, unabashedly weird. Eventually, with enough persistence and some soul searching, she starts to believe it, and comes further out of her shell.

She really likes feeling important to people. She's a great listener, and her favorite thing to do is to just let other people vent about their problems to her. Her primary means of affection is quality time, with some physical affection once Sayori REALLY breaks down her sense of personal space. She'll sidle up to the others like a cat. Sayori finds this absolutely adorable. She mostly just enjoys spending time silently around other people. The others invite her places and just let her vibe. She loves it. I've mentioned it before, but she also really enjoys sending people songs and things that made her think of them. She also likes buying things that made her think of them as a gift. She's very muted in her expression of love, but she spends a lot of her time away from the others thinking of them.

I also think that Yuri kinda sucks at receiving affection, though in a different way than Monika. Monika will instinctively reject it; Yuri has no clue how to respond. It flusters her, every time, without fail, until eventually she gets used to it and her response seems somewhat flat. Although for particularly sweet gestures, she is unable to contain her excitement.

Oh, also she's probably the best kisser out of the bunch, though she is frequently too embarrassed to do much more than a peck on the cheek to start.

Sayori is her go-to whenever she wants to infodump about something she's been really into lately, because she actively listens and tries to engage her, mostly because she really enjoys it whenever Yuri is excited about something. Despite her initial hesitancy, she actually really appreciates the kind of casual physical affection which Sayori employs, because she really likes and wants physical affection, but doesn't know how to ask without feeling awkward.

She likes it when Monika vents to her. She always feels incredibly at ease around Monika, which is difficult for her to find anywhere else, much less with another person, and she really wants to give back in return what Monika gives to her. She feels comfortable enough to freely talk with Monika based on this fact, partially because she knows Monika feels the same to her. It makes her feel wanted, and she likes that.

She really tries her hardest to help when Natsuki has problems, listening to her vent about her dad, or other people, or the world, or anything else that's giving her trouble at the moment. Yuri does her best to help steer her more towards the kind of person she wants to be, and to reassure her that she isn't a terrible person.

Natsuki is averse to being in a relationship on the risk that she turns out like her parents. The only reason she's here is because the others assured her they would help her not to be. Despite her hesitancy, and her pushing back on a lot of what's given to her, she does enjoy it. (She just doesn't think she deserves it.) In general, she's just very awkward at navigating anything and everything related to it, and is very easily embarrassed by the whole thing. It takes time to get her comfortable with it.

She's very acts of service heavy. She likes making things for other people, and spends a lot of time and effort doing so. She derives a lot of joy out of directly providing for people, and particularly in the beginning, she's still convinced that's all she can provide, but she does grow better at avoiding that sort of thinking with time. She also likes spending quality time with people, probably baking, maybe chatting about/reading manga.

She is absolutely head over heels for Monika, despite finding that realization...kind of annoying. She thinks she is literally the most beautiful, perfect girl she has ever met, and despite her best efforts to ignore that powerful urge to heap praise onto her, she can't help but make an effort to impress her, which is frequently successful!...which only goads her on to do it more. She tries to get Monika to read some of the series she's more seriously invested in, because she knows Monika will get a deeper understanding of the themes and subtext.

She's envious of how easily Sayori can make friends with anyone, and finds her to be so sweet it's hard to handle. She is absolutely terrified of ever doing anything to hurt her because she knows that whatever it was, Sayori would never let go. Sayori takes great lengths to remind her that she would never do that, because she is her, not her father. She is initially annoyed by Sayori's very heavy physical affection, but also seriously appreciates it because she would never in a million years ask for a hug.

Yuri and Natsuki's relationship is special. They eventually get to a point where they just understand each other. Yuri will push back on her just enough that Natsuki is confident trusting that what she says is honest, including that she really does love her and will never leave her. She seriously appreciates that. She finds it really fun to try and get Yuri to move outside her comfort zone.

...I might have more posts in this vein to make soon, among other things, but I thought I'd get this out of my askbox now so you don't have to wait in suspense. I'm gonna go sleep. I was sorta running on fumes towards the end here, so if it seems a little more clipped there, I apologizeee

[sw-33-ts-stuff]

hello helloooo, i may send this request to other authors

could you do a wednesday addams x gn! reader where the reader can stop time but anyone who is touching them will not be frozen? so like the reader is just like "hey wednesday,(or whatever nickname they have for her) come with me for a sec" and it obviously takes a bit of begging but then they go outside in the rain or snow and the reader just grabs wednesdays hand and puts the other hand up and stops time so the snow or rain just sits there in mid air. could probably make this super fluffy

-C<3

3rd Person POV

You sat quietly at lunch watching Xavier once again try to impress Wednesday by making his artwork come to life. You felt yourself scowl as you caught the slightest bit of intrigue in her gaze.

You remembered a time when Xavier said his powers weren't meant to be used for showing off and that everyone should hold the same mindset.

Obviously his feelings on the matter have changed.

Enid sat with Ajax watching Wednesday resist the urge to stab Xavier. She caught your line of sight and laughed under her breath. It was so painfully obvious that you were crushing on Nevermore’s resident goth, at least to everyone but the girl herself.

You and Wednesday shared a few classes together and she's been sure to share her lack of hatred towards you on several occasions, but Wednesday was always hard to read. Some days you'd dare to say she enjoyed your company and others you'd wonder if she even knew you existed.

Enid walked over to you tapping your shoulder. Your head shot up in surprise so caught up in your envy of Xavier you didn't even hear the young werewolf approach.

"Howdy Y/n!" You nodded giving the girl a small smile.

"Hey Enid."

"You know you shouldn't scowl." You felt your eyebrows furrow. The blonde rolled her eyes.

"Oh please anyone can totally see the little green monster in you whenever everyone's favorite brooding artist gets next to Wednesday."

A light red sprinkled your cheeks as you shook your head in denial.

"I-" the gloomy girls roommate just raised an eyebrow at you making you sigh.

"Am I really that bad?" The fur laughed lightly grabbing a seat next to you, in turn catching the attention of the very object of your affections.

Wednesdays eyebrows furrowed as she watched you and Enid talk. Your cheeks red and a small smile on your face, it was disgusting.

The weird sensation in her stomach making her uncomfortable and not in a good way. It certainly did not help that somewhere in the background Xavier's voice continue to drone on about the possibility of them going on a date.

It was when Enid had touched your hand that she felt aggravated. She stood and waved skipping happily back to their shared dorm making the shorter girl stand abruptly to follow.

"You never know if you don't try."

Enid's words rang on a constant loop in your head. She had encouraged you to ask Wednesday on a date but you still held a great fear of rejection.

You walked around the Quad looking up once you'd heard thunder, when lightning stuck you made your way to Ophelia Hall.

Enid was smirking at Wednesday as Thing "peeked" out from her closet.

"You know Willa if I didn't know any better I'd say you were jealous." Wednesdays glared became more intense making the werewolf stutter. "K-k-kidding but I promise it's not what you think."

A rushed knock on the door broke the both of them from their discussion. You didn't look up as you walked in.

"Hey Enid do you think-" your eyes were caught in Wednesdays intense gaze. Dark eyes sucking you in. Enid glanced between the two of you as you both engaged in a staring contest. Thing signed something to her making the werewolf almost smile.

You took a shuttering breath. "Uh Wednesday would you want to go outside with me?"

The goth blinked. "Why?"

"Because I-I want to show you something." Her eyes narrowed and the werewolf almost growled in frustration before she felt an idea form.

"If Wednesday doesn't want to go with you I don't mind joining you." You both turned to the girl surprised. Wednesday grit her teeth, annoyed as she had yet to figure out why Enid kept being so friendly with you. You stared at her confused.

Didn't she just tell me I need to try and ask her out?

"Let me just grab my coat since Wednesday will probably want to write-"

"Rude of you to assume I didn't want to go." She turned looking up at you slightly. "I will grab my coat now, you should grab one as well."

You smirked making Wednesday pause. "I'll be ok."

You both walked towards the schools greenhouse as you hit a switch opening the room up to the sky above as it began to drizzle.

Wednesday watched as you remained calm the drizzle quickly turning into harsh rain as thunder struck.

"You're going to catch pneumonia." You felt yourself turn towards the shorter girl.

"You know if I didn't know any better I'd think you were actually worried about me Addams." The girl scoffed.

"Quite the contrary I'd much rather have your corpse to perform an autopsy then deal with your assumptions."

You laughed. What a Wednesday thing to say.

You stepped closer to her slowly putting one hand towards her palm up.

She watched as the rain began to grow harder your hair and clothes beginning to grow wet. Suddenly your pinky wrapped around hers and she watched as you lifted the other towards the sky.

She felt the air grow still. She looked at individual droplets frozen mid air, the wind had stopped blowing as did the rain. The thunder grew silent and she found a flash of lightning had just began to illuminate the sky, paused at just the right moment. She could see the tendrils of electricity traveling throughout the grey clouds above.

You smiled as you watched her eyes took everything in. She abruptly pulled her hand from yours watching as the rain had resumed above her but not you.

"You did this." You nodded looking at the scene before you swallowing harshly. Wednesday continued to stare at you making you shift uncomfortably. It was impossible to tell what she was thinking and you felt small under her gaze.

The goth continued to stare slightly impressed by your power but plagued by something else entirely. She felt disgust at the thought of being exactly as Enid suggested....jealous. What a ridiculous feeling. Jealousy suggested emotions and emotions meant weakness, yet the thought of you with her and not Enid wasn't the worst idea she could think of. The thought of you wanting her, having feelings for her and her sharing the same didn't feel weak, especially not with what you just displayed. She just had to be sure..

"Are you interested in Enid?" Your eyes grew wide in shock and you felt yourself almost laugh. If not for the scary girl in front of you you're sure you would've.

"No!" You looked down cheeks heating up as you took a deep breath. "She was giving me advice on how to ask you on a date."

Wednesday grew quiet as she stared at you her hand slowly going towards yours as her pinky slightly hooked around yours.

Time froze again around her again.

"If we were to go on a date, where would you take me?"

The Addams girl continued to keep you in your toes. You felt a small smile grow on your face.

"That would be a surprise." The shorter girl stepped closer to you.

"I hate surprises." You leaned down slightly.

"You'll like this one." You both continued to look into each others eyes as she grabbed you by your tie bringing you to her level. Her lips crashed into yours. For someone so cold her lips were warm, soft and tasted sweeter than you thought they would. She pulled away smirking when she'd seen her lipstick had stain your lips.

In your surprise you let your guard down and got soaked. You put the roof back up on the greenhouse as Wednesday took you to her dorm.

Enid and Thing painting their nails on the floor.

Enid smirked at the sight of you as Wednesday went to get you a towel.

"Nice lipstick Y/n."

[glitterpensupremacy]

Time for the problematic Queen!

Chloe MTS

As usual:

1. General Info

2. Personality

3. Key Relationships

4. Character Growth

Edit: I’m so sorry guys I forgot the “read more” 😭

1. General Info

It’s probably pretty obvious by now, but this will be a Chloe-demption Miraculous story. I don’t blame people who don’t really like that or her in general, but that’s the story you’re gonna get here. (Granted, this Chloe will be a bit easier to make a better person than the original, for reasons I’ll go over soon.)

2. Personality

Chloe Bourgeois seems like the typical rich girl: self-centered, superficial, vain, spoiled, not very good at listening to others, melodramatic, mostly mean to other people, and used to getting what she wants.

That being said, there’s a bit more to her than that. Her lack of self control and immaturity is mainly the result of having a father who would hand her whatever she wanted to keep her busy. Similarly, her mother is only interested in the “exceptional”, so Chloe often strives to be more like her. The fact that neither parent really tried to raise her is why she’s so infantile and prone to ridiculing others to feel better about herself.

A different side of Chloe tends to come out around her loved ones. She’s somewhat overbearing and clingy, but will shower those close to her (especially family) in gifts, pet names, and affection. Compared to OG Chloe, (and most other fan made takes on her), she’s a lot softer and more naive (dare I say a little cute). Every once in a while she lets the confident facade drop, becoming quieter and being genuine about how she feels.

3. Key Relationships

Marinette: As I’ve mentioned in the Marinette MTS post, Chloe and Marinette have a friends-to-enemies storyline in the first season. Basically, Chloe’s constant need for attention and favors was too emotionally draining for Marinette, so she broke things off between them, which Chloe does not take well. At all. After spending the larger part of season two trying to antagonize her, Chloe finally understands why Marinette left and leaves her alone. Things are still pretty tense between them, but they can exist in the same room without blowing up (and if Chloe sometimes still misses her ex-best friend? Well she doesn’t! Don’t be ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!!!)

Adrien: Chloe and Adrien are also childhood friends, (only they’ve known each other practically since birth while Marinette and Chloe met in their early school years) with Chloe actually being the one to introduce the two. At first, Chloe’s glad that her precious “Mari-roon” and “Adrikins” are getting along; when he decides to keep being Marinette’s friend after she stops hanging out with Chloe, she’s a little less enthused. Adrien also plays a more active role in helping Chloe become a better person, as he’s one of the people with the most knowledge of why she is the way that she is, as well as her better qualities (that and Chloe is determined not to lose him like she lost Marinette, even if she isn’t consciously aware of this yet). It also probably goes without saying that her feelings for Adrien aren’t ever really romantic like in the OG show.

Zoe: Chloe adores her darling baby sister, and tends to bring her wherever she goes. She initially tries to help her younger sister understand how the world issupposed” to work, but when that backfires (due to that pesky traitor Dupain-Cheng and her new friends) she has to remain content with simply showing Zoe off and doing what she can to help her sister succeed in her ambitions. (Due to being more of a people and family pleaser, Zoe doesn’t really do much in Chloe’s redemption, but she is one of the characters who can occasionally get her to play nice.)

Alya: These two don’t really know each other very well at first. To Chloe, Alya’s just the blogger girl who doesn’t properly appreciate the perfect Ladybug! When they interact more often due to being in the same class, things aren’t much better, seeing as their opposite ideals and personalities clash (hardworking vs lazy, integrity vs self-indulgence, etc). They do have to team up against a common enemy though (that being Lila), as well as share the struggles of being the only two superheroes with public identities. By the end of season two, Chloe and Alya become hero partners. (Despite sometimes being annoyed at what a “goody two shoes” Rena can be, Queen Bee can admit that she’s pretty smart, and secretly considers her to be a better hero than she is.)

Other key dynamics include: her parents, Ladybug (and Chat Noir to an extent), Kim, and Sabrina.

4. Character Growth

A lot of Chloe’s development is about learning to care about others and not resort to making other people’s lives more difficult just because she’s unhappy about something. This is mainly through how she interacts with acquaintances (not being as insulting or harming the rest of the class through her schemes) and her friends (learning how to be a good friend is a major part of her character arc). Another aspect of this how she matures.

MTS Chloe’s stunted growth is generally attributed to the lack of involvement that both parents have had throughout her childhood. While she doesn’t completely grow up (which makes sense, seeing as she is still very much a child), she does learn to occasionally think things through beyond the obvious and take certain issues more seriously.

Her familial relationships also factor into this development. She both grows in relation to her family (trying to be a good big sister for Zoe and eventually realizing that Audrey is a terrible mother/person and standing up to her), and inspiring them to change as well (seeing Chloe work to improve herself is one of the motivations for Zoe wanting to be more honest with others, Andre also acknowledges that he’s been a selfish and irresponsible father and works to become a better parent for Chloe and Zoe).

Conclusion

Alright, that’s the general rundown for Chloe. The more whimsical vibes that she has might be a bit disappointing for people who prefer a tougher, sassier mean girl type of Chloe, but hopefully she’s still likable in her own regard.

Up next will be Alya (who will also have an akuma design posted around the same time I have her character notes ready, so keep your eyes peeled if that kinda thing interests you)

[time-is-restored]

oh shit i forgot here's another one, this time its an old neal caffrey analysis rant (this one fueled by insomnia, and written much earlier into my first watch of white collar - i think early season 3??):

im gonna be weird about white collar but the thing is so many people are weird about white collar in the wrong direction

like woobifying neal to hell and back or inventing whole new personalities for el or . i don’t even know how to describe what they do to peter

like the thing about neal is he Is a magpie he’s just a surprisingly loyal one, he flits from shiny thing to person to ideal, sure, but certain classes of ppl can fully hold his attention

peter holds his attention bc he is good as in skilled (it’s borderline canon that no one else can catch him, or even really come close), and extremely principled w a cunning streak which neal basically approaches as like. a puzzle box, bc like none of their principles line up so he’s curious how the apparent closed system rube goldberg machine of his morals work LOL

then it becomes a dedication through loyalty, in that peter sticks his neck out multiple times due to faith in neal, and neal is EXTREMELY weak to loyalty/consistency (gestures at the mess of his childhood)

and due to generally low self image (morals wise, he kind of thinks he sucks? like he’s competent and cool and charming and everything, but he also tends to consider himself a nuisance, w how he’s disruptive to ‘normal’ / ‘good’ people) that dedication can become disproportionate

we see through kate (and later, adler) that the easiest way to con neal/get him acting against his own self interest IS to cultivate that loyalty

there’s an easy archetype to it, even, in that u present him with a competent, smart individual (bonus points if they’re a conventionally attractive woman), but have her off limits in some way (uninterested, taken, stand off ish, whatever), activate his thief urge to ‘take’ what he wants, then when they are friends/partners whatever, his inadvertent guilt over like. corrupting/endangering this person/tricking them about who he ‘really’ is will loop around into VERY strong loyalty, and a commitment to being whatever they want him to be x2, bc he Cannot handle being left behind LMAO

peter simultaneously feeds into + challenges this framework, bc he clearly has the least biased opinion about who neal is, even though he’s still wrong about a lot of things. and beyond that, he REALLY likes neal, thinks he’s interesting and funny, but at the start of the show can’t deal with even 0.01% of his chaotic neutral methods

WHICH IN TURN!! actually breaks through some of Neal’s shit bc:

peter picked him out of prison before neal had changed at all

he essentially sees his role, from as early as ep 1, as tactically breaking the law where peter can’t/won’t, in ways that help them close the case faster

after peter (more or less) gives a thumbs up the first time he does this, neals puzzle box brain goes ‘oh?? morally grey bestie??? CRIME BESTIE????’ and now he’s trying to ‘solve’ peter’s moral code

this is actually almost in complete opposition to elizabeth, who is compete open and clear about her affection and friendship w him basically since they meet, and apparently has no prerequisites for it. which, again, pointing to the low self esteem, triggers the ‘oh god what have i done to deserve this i haven’t even CONNED her yet’ so he’s low key more invested in + comitted to elizabeth in a specific. 'i want to be on good terms w this person' targeted way than he initially was w peter (since their mutual obsession manifests so fucking frequently as 'what, you're gonna hit me? you're gonna hit me with that big bat? better make it hurt. better kill me in one shot!' style antagonism)

HENCE the constant check ins w their relationship, reminding peter about anniversaries and dinner times etc, though that’s also due to a general fascination he has w stability + permanence

we learn in s2 he was seriously considering proposing to kate, and that he genuinely wanted to take the ��true love’ way out of the conman life, even though he wasn’t quite sure whether it would stick, hence we see a lot in s2 his fascination w peter + els marriage, along with june (crime aunty <3)‘s relationship w her passed husband

a lot of his dedication to peter circa s2 is, by my reckoning, explicitly because peter is so determined to stick with Neal, and doesn’t give up on him/their deal even when it would be entirely reasonable (neal admits to crimes, gets put back in prison, constantly breaks rules and goes looking for kate) which is like. neal HATES being trapped, but he also REALLY values consistency + competency

hence the complexes, y'know?

[of-twilight-and-moonshadow]

Safe - Emery x Kenny

How in the WORLD did I NOT post this?! I can't believe I've been sitting on this one. Oops.

Have some fluff! *throws*

Part of my Dark Angel of the Bullet Club series.

Also; If you speak Japanese, and find that I got the translation below incorrect, I apologize. I got it off of google translate. The english translation is below it, for those that don't speak Japanese though <3

Word Count: 1118

Tag List: @katries @mrsmatt @summertimefun1982

If you want added to the list, let me know!

(divider)

With everything going on, it was safe to say that Emery’s anxiety and emotions were a whirlwind, up and down like a rollercoaster. It caused so many self-doubts and demons to rise to the surface in her mind, the never-ending thoughts making it difficult to sleep. Last night had been no different, Emery barely getting an hour’s worth of sleep interrupted by constant bouts of being awake.

Just after 7 in the morning, Emery woke up once more with her heart beating against her chest like a battering ram. A deep sigh escaped her throat as she carefully rolled over so she wouldn’t bother Kenny- but to her surprise, he was not to be found.

“Guess he’s already up…” she thought, pushing back the covers and getting up. Her feet shuffled down the hallway as the smell of bacon and freshly brewed coffee hit her nose. Reaching the kitchen, Emery’s eyes landed on Kenny, who stood with his back to her. He kept a careful eye on the bacon and looked at something on his phone.  A soft smile graced her face, her body warming up with adoration for the older Canadian, taking a moment to take in the sight before carefully padding into the kitchen. Coming to a stop behind Kenny, Emery slowly and gently reached her hands up and slid them around Kenny’s abdomen. His posture tightened briefly in surprise before she felt him relax in her arms, Emery’s hands flattening against his chest.

“Good morning,” Kenny’s voice rumbled warmly, the vibrations felt through the placement of her hands.

“…morning…” Emery replied, her voice soft and barely audible. Kenny wasn’t oblivious- he knew that something was on her mind and affecting her sleep, but he didn’t want to pry.

“Would you like some coffee?”

Emery stood there, considering the offer for a moment, before eventually giving her head a soft shake, not lifting her skull from Kenny’s broad back. Her fingers played with the cloth on the front, liking the softness of the fabric.

“Do you… want to go out today? Go for a walk, visit that one butterfly exhibit?” Kenny was trying anything, hoping to lift Emery’s spirit in any way he could. When she once again shook her head no, he felt his heart sink a bit. Hopefully, he could figure something out that would help her.

Throughout the day, Emery stayed at Kenny’s side- but didn’t pay much attention to what was going on. Movies and TV shows played in the background, whatever game Kenny was playing at the time, and phone calls that Kenny had with TK or the Bucks. While it didn’t seem like much, it was their usual to share the same room in a comfortable silence. However, this occasion was not the same silence- it was almost a bittersweet, awkward silence that fell around the space.

With a building frustration at his game, Kenny got up and walked away from the desk, sitting down on the couch beside Emery. He leaned his head back to rest it on the couch with a sigh, closing his blue eyes momentarily before reopening them and looking at his better half. He reached out and gently took her hand in his own, rubbing his thumb over the skin on the back of her hand in soothing circles.

“Ree…. Angel—what’s on your mind? I know something’s bothering you; talk to me, please.”

The silence stretched for a few moments as Emery stared at their hands connected, his larger hand engulfing her own. The strength that he possessed, yet he was always so gentle with her. Chewing on her bottom lip, Emery contemplated her words before sighing.

“Just… scared, I guess… with everything going on with BCC… and Callis…. Pheonix… I know you had the surgeries, and you’re all good now…. But I’m still worried about you—about Adam…. Nick… Matt – Cassidy, too. A part of me feels helpless, like I’m a hindrance and that I’m just in the way,” Emery began, the words just flowing from her mouth now that she started, “Maybe I’m not good enough, not strong enough—maybe I don’t deserve any of this, don’t deserve you— and I’ve tried not thinking about it, ignoring it. For a while, I did, too—but then the nightmares started happening, and I couldn’t get over them, and I don’t want to sleep because I know once I fall asleep that they’ll just come back and—”

“Woah woah, easy, Kitten, easy,” Kenny soothed, maneuvering on the couch to look at Emery better. His hands reached out, careful not to startle her. His hands cupped her face, eyes looking into her own with love and worry. His thumbs brushed away the tears that had fallen unbeknown to her, and Kenny placed a gentle kiss on Emery’s forehead.

“Are you afraid to fall asleep because you think you’re gonna have a nightmare?” he asked her, to which she nodded wordlessly before subconsciously nuzzling into his hand. Kenny’s heart broke to see her in such an emotional state; all he wanted to do was make everything better, to see her smile once again.

“Do you think….” Kenny asked, “Do you think it would be helpful if we were cuddling?”

Emery opened her eyes and peered at Kenny, swallowing the lump in her throat before giving an uncertain nod. Gently, the Canadian reached his arms out to pull her close, laying back on the couch. Her head rested against his chest, his relaxed breathing lulling her into a calm sense of security. Kenny’s left hand wrapped around her waist, holding her close, while his right hand stroked through her brown and blue hair.

Planting another soft kiss on her forehead, Kenny whispered, “Aishi teru yo, koneko chan. Anata wa watashi ga ima made deatsu ta naka de mottomo tsuyoku, mottomo yasashiku, mottomo kanpeki de,  mottomo omoiyari no aru hito desu. Watashi to onaji you ni jibun wa mi te morae tara ii nonie to omoi masu. Subete no gimon ya shinpai wa torinozoke tara ii nonie to omoi masu. Yasuraka ni, aisuru hito yo, watashi wa akumu wa yosetsuke nai tame ni koko ni iru.”

(Translation: I love you so much, kitten. You are the strongest, sweetest, most perfect, most caring person I have ever met. I wish you could see yourself the way I do. I wish I could take away all the doubts and the worries. Rest, my love, I will be here to keep the nightmares at bay.)

Against his chest, he felt a smile lift her lips just barely and gave a gentle smile of his own, listening to her breathing even out as she slowly drifted off, “Sleep, I’ll keep you safe.”

[jedifighterpilot2727]

All Myx'd Up Pt. 3

Hello all, as you can guess, this is part 3 to the 'fix it' fic for the episode "It's a super life". Not really necessary to read the entirety of this fic first, but you should probably at least read the previous 2 chapters! I hope you all are having a lovely weekend and enjoy!

It's a short walk from the street corner where Lena and Taylor met Kara and Lexi to the upscale Asian restaurant that Lena has standing reservations at.

In fact, it takes them less than five minutes to wade through the afternoon foot traffic and check in with the host at Wok Dragon.

Five minutes for Lena to be able to tell that something was definitely off with Kara.

In that five minute walk, Lena was willing to bet that Kara stared at her no less than 90% of the time.

Now, Lena was certainly used to her wife's gaze . . . lingering.

At any given time Kara would most likely be caught looking at Lena's profile - something about her having a "devastating" jaw line. Or if not her profile; then Kara's eyes were often glued to lips, cleavage, ass, or hands - depending on time of day and the outfit Lena was wearing. So the staring wasn't really all that different.

What was different, was how Kara reacted when she got caught staring.

Normally, Kara's response to being caught with her hand in the cookie jar - so to speak - was a wink and a grin, a waggle of her eyebrows before turning her attention back to whatever she was supposed to be paying attention to.

Today, however, Kara seemed almost guilty to be caught staring. Her eyes flittered away the instant Lena reacted to feeling eyes on her; and her cheeks were a constant state of rosy red. It reminded Lena very much of the "I flew here - on a bus" type of attitude that young and insecure Kara used to project. She certainly wasn't acting like the editor-in-chief of a multi-million dollar magazine who just so happened to moonlight at the USA's most beloved super hero by night, (ranked by People magazine - three years running).

Lexi was definitely right about one thing; there was no red kryptonite involved, Lena could confirm that much. Red K Kara was over confident at best, harsh and cruel at worst. But the way Kara was acting today, it was as if she was unsure of herself and her relationship with the world - her relationship with her family, for that matter.

Normally, Kara would be laughing and joking; eyes crinkling behind her glasses and white teeth flashing in a smile. Today, Kara is reserved and almost timid.

She looks lost as Lena pulls back from their kiss, and even the suggestion of food barely brings a smile.

She stutter steps when Lena reaches for her elbow to hold her arm as they walk, blue eyes telegraphing her confusion. After a moment, she settles in, her free hand coming up to pat the one that Lena has hooked in her elbow.

It's a position they've walked in a thousand times; but this time Kara seems distant, despite their close proximity. Her body is stiff and angled; and it's as if she's on high threat alert, with the way her gaze dances over their surroundings - like she's expecting to see something that isn't there.

Lexi holds the door for all of them when they reach the restaurant, and when her eyes meet Lena's, the fear in them is evident.

Ever since Lexi was a little girl and she'd found out Kara was Supergirl, she'd get this look about her whenever there was a threat. Lena didn't think that most people really noticed it, but her mother's heart felt it like an ice spike to her soul. She hated to think that her little girl ever had to worry like that. And even though Lexi is grown now, has saved the world in her own right, has probably been in more danger than Lena or Kara had ever been in at her age - Lena can still see the scared little girl at the orphanage, too overwhelmed to speak.

And so, despite the fact that Lexi will grumble about the public display of affection; Lena reaches out as they pass to gently cup her hand around her daughter's cheek and give a few gentle pats. She holds the position until she sees at least some of the tension melt from Lexi's shoulders, and with a wink, she boops the younger girl on the nose with her fingertip.

"Ma." Lexi's eyes roll, and her voice is an irritated whine, but her soft smile lets Lena know that the gesture wasn't unappreciated.

Lena gives her one last comforting look before following Kara into the restaurant.

It's one the've visited plenty of times because 'The potstickers are the absolute best when reheated with heat vision' - according to Kara at least; Lena's still a little wary of heat vision prepared foods.

The host welcomes them with a bright smile and a jaunty wave, and Lena's glad - hopes the normalcy of the interaction will make things feel less . . . off.

"Good afternoon to one of my favorite families!" His gaze settles on Lena. "Mrs. Luthor-Danvers, I'm afraid I didn't know to expect you, so the kitchen may be a bit slower than normal. I trust you want your usual booth?"

"If it's available, Eric, that would be lovely."

"Of course, right this way, ladies."

Kara's head is practically on a swivel as Eric leads them across the dining room. Lena's hand tugging gentle pressure on her arm is the only thing that keeps her from running into several dining tables. It's a beautiful restaurant to be sure. Low lighting comes from exquisitely hand crafted chandeliers made to look like paper lanterns, and the art work on the wall is art gallery quality. Still, Kara's been here enough times that she shouldn't be one wrong step from tripping face first into some poor diner's wonton soup.

"Here we are!" Eric announces, waving them into the corner booth. "The usual? Sparkling water for the table?"

"Of course, thank you, Eric." Lena answers, and with a nod and a bow, their host has disappeared among the sea of tables.

Lena and Taylor scoot to the middle, leaving Kara and Lexi on the edges almost across from each other. It doesn't take long for the waitress to show up with their drinks, and once again, Lena is glad to see a familiar face.

"Lena! Kara, Lexi, Taylor." Melody nods at each of them in turn. "I didn't know you guys were coming today! What can I get you for appetizers?"

Instinctively, the table looks to Kara.

"Oh, umm, I guess I'll have the potstickers?" she says before turning back to the menu.

The confusion is immediate, with everyone immediately shifting their, (now worried), looks to Lena.

Only, Lena too, is caught off guard, and she puzzles briefly over Kara's response before turning to Melody.

"She means potstickers out first, of course. Please." Lena adds with a smile. "And then we'll also have a party platter of the crab rangoons, the spring rolls, and the chicken skewers."

Melody closes her order book with a snap and a grin.

"Perfect! I'll have them right out"

Once she's out of ear shot, Kara leans into Lena's side.

"That's a lot of food, don't you think?"

Lena can feel Lexi's eyes on her, gauging her reaction, so she tries to keep her expression neutral as she asks.

"Are you not hungry, Darling?"

Mercifully, Kara's response is quick.

"No, I'm starving! That's just, uhh, a lot of food . . ." she looks around at the other diners as if she's expecting the paparazzi to filming them - "to eat in public."

Out of the corner of her eye, Lena can see Lexi's fingers repeating the nervous stim that she tends to favor when she's overly anxious.

It's then Lena realizes she's stuck.

Because on one hand, she's worried about her wife; something is definitely up, and there have been way too many Supergirl related close calls these last few weeks.

On the other hand though, she can tell her daughter is on the brink of anxiety attack, because again - way too many Supergirl related close calls these last few weeks.

Quickly she makes a triage decision.

Whatever is wrong with Kara, she can't fix it over lunch; and since there doesn't appear to be any immediate danger, she'll be able to fix things a lot easier once Kara is at least fed.

So she chooses an expression and tone that she hopes Kara will recognize as their 'let's not discuss this in front of Lexi' code, and offers a gentle reminder -

"Darling, I think the staff here would be more thrown off if you didn't order a small feast."

Thankfully, after a brief moment of hesitation, Kara seems to pick up on her cue.

"True, I just didn't want to overwhelm them, since they didn't know we were coming."

Lena smiles gratefully at her wife and Lexi's fingers momentarily stop their twitching,

"I completely forgot to call ahead, I was so busy watching Taylor try on some simply stunning wedding dresses." Lena's attempt to steer the conversation works beautifully, with her future daughter-in-law blushing and Lexi trying her hardest to squeeze out details about the chosen gown.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

By the time the food starts to arrive, the table has fully devolved into wedding talk.

It's almost easy for Kara to pretend like she belongs here; the easy familiarity that everyone shows her acts like a balm to her troubled soul. In fact, she gets so caught up in the way Lena's hand feels in hers and the delicious taste of the food that she almost forgets that she doesn't belong in this universe.

She's a little uneasy, sure; but part of her brain is screaming at her to just enjoy the moment. Enjoy the universe where she's married to the incomparable Lena Luthor and they have a kid - a whole grown ass kid - that looks and sounds like Lena but somehow also feels just like watching herself in a mirror.

She hopes to Rao that whoever the Kara is that gets to live in this universe fully appreciates it; because she'd give up her super powers if it meant she got to stay here.

Once dessert is finished, Taylor leaves them for the art gallery with a kiss for Lexi and hugs for Kara and Lena, so its just the three of them as they walk to the street corner where Lena's driver is waiting in the loading dock lane. Unfortunately, as soon as they get in; all of the bad feelings that Kara has been pushing away ,or just straight up ignoring, all come rushing in.

Because who else is waiting in the front seat but Alex.

The tension in the small space immediately sky rockets.

Normally, Kara would be more than happy to see her sister. In cases like this though, Alex is all too often the harbinger of bad news. News that Kara really doesn't want to come to terms with right now. She suspects that much like the time she was under the influence of the black mercy, Alex is here to pull her back to reality.

Maybe it makes her a bad superhero, but she really doesn't want to go.

Before, with the black mercy, she had reasons to return; and she's sure there are reasons this time, but right at this moment she really can't think of them.

"Hey, Aunt Alex." Lexi offers cautiously as enters the car.

"Hey, Kiddo." Alex tosses a mock salute over her shoulder before turning to face them. "Hope I'm not messing up everyone's day if we make a quick detour to the DEO; some new computer software just came in that I want Lexi to take a look at."

Lexi and Lena both agree quickly, and Kara sort of gets the suspicion that they were expecting the intrusion.

Which is odd.

Because if Alex were really the Alex from Kara's universe here to bring her back, then surely Lena and Lexi wouldn't be expecting her.

Right?

Then again, if the software just came in; how would Lena and Lexi know about it?

She remembers Lena's face in the restaurant, the one begging her to just agree and not make a scene for Lexi's sake. She didn't really understand it then, but now coupled with the arrival of Alex, she can't help but wonder if she's supposed to be in on the secret too.

Still, she can't shake the feeling that this near perfect world is about to collapse in on itself. It sits like a lead ball sinking in her gut the whole way to the DEO, and she almost regrets that fourth plate of orange chicken.

Almost.

Luckily, (or unluckily, depending on how you looked at it), the restaurant was only a few blocks from the DEO. It was lucky, because the orange chicken mixed with Kara's nerves and the closeness of the limo style SUV was really not a good combination. It was unlucky, because a countdown timer had started ever since Alex had shown up - only Kara had no idea how long was left on it or what, exactly, it was counting down to.

She just knew that whatever it was probably wasn't going to be enjoyable.

The feeling of existential dread only gets worse when they step out of the vehicle and make their way into the DEO.

The whole place feels the same as she's used to, but somehow also different in a way she just can't quite but her finger on.

Heart hammering in her chest faster than she thinks is entirely safe, she feels her anxiety ramping up with every step they take into the government organization.

It isn't long before the anxiety melts into a panic, and she finds herself coming to an abrupt stop.

Lena is holding her hand, so when Kara stops, she stops too; but the others make it a few more steps before they realize what's happened. Once they do, the situation becomes infinitely more awkward - all eyes looking to Kara to see why they've stopped.

Only Alex seems unsurprised.

"The jig is up, gang. I think she knows we're not here for a software update."

With those words, Kara's worst fears have come true.

"Alex, just . . . just. . . stop" the dryness in Kara's throat cuts her off, and she swallows harshly before pleading - "Please, just let me talk. For just a minute. Please, just let me explain."

Kara's voice sounds desperate, even to her own ears, and she winces slightly.

"Kara . . . what are talking about, what do you need to explain? Whatever this is, we can figure it out. We can fix this, but you have to tell me what's going on." Alex's voice is so reassuring that Kara almost believes her.

Wild blue eyes dart across Alex's face before flicking to Lena and then settling on Lexi for a long moment.

It's so easy to see herself reflected back in the eyes across from her.

The same braids.

The same glasses.

The same crinkle.

She looks back at Lena.

It's her best friend, just as Kara remembers her. She can spot a few strands of gray dusting among her jet black hair, and there are laugh lines and frown lines creasing her porcelain skin.

But still -

The same green eyes.

The same perfect posture.

The same red lips.

Only now, Kara knows what it feels like to have those lips against hers; knows what Lena's skin feels like under her fingers without the boundaries of friendship; knows the completeness of Lena knowing all of her secrets and still looking at her without fear or judgement.

Rao, she doesn't want to give that up.

Regardless of whatever downsides this universe holds, Kara knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that family standing in front of her is more than worth it.

Even if the yellow sun were to suddenly fall from the sky, Kara knows that she would still feel just as powerful - bolstered from the pure euphoria that she feel radiating out from her soul.

In the end, it's that strength that forces her hand - the strength that isn't hers to take.

"I . . ." Kara allows herself one last look at the life in front of her before finally meeting Alex's gaze again.

"I don't belong here. This isn't -" she shakes her head "- this isn't my universe."

She hears Lena's sharp intake of breath; and she halfway reaches out before she stops herself, voice pleading with Lena to understand.

"I don't wanna go back; I don't. I'd give anything to stay here."

Tears cloud her vision before spilling down her cheeks, and she swipes at them with a shaking hand.

Kara expects Alex to agree with her, to be admonished before being forcibly dragged back to her own doomed timeline; but instead, Alex just looks . . . confused?

There's a long moment of uncomfortable silence, where Alex, Lena, and Lexi all share a concerned look before Alex finally speaks up.

"Maybe you should start by explaining to us exactly what you think is going on."

"Actually, maybe we should go to the med bay and THEN she should tell us what's going on." Lexi suggests, worry evident in her blue eyes.

"Kiddo's right, we should probably have this conversation in the med bay." Alex easily agrees.

"We should get blood work started immediately." Lena's shift into all business mode is instantaneous, heels clacking on the concrete floor as she leads the way down the corridor to the all too familiar yellow sun room.

"I knew there was something more to that alien you fought yesterday." Lena's voice echoes off the walls as they follow close behind her. "You weren't yourself last night and then Lexi said you were acting strange this morning."

Kara looks to the younger woman, who flinches slightly - almost as if she's been scolded.

"Sorry Yeyu, you seemed off."

It feels conspiratorial, like the two of them are used to teaming up to ensure that Lena doesn't worry too much about either of them - and Kara can't help but feel a surge of affection, despite the betrayal of Lexi involving Lena.

"It's alright, Little One."

The endearment falls from her lips unbidden, and she reaches out a hand towards the girl but stops herself before she gets too close, unfamiliar with the easy way that her body instinctively reacts to this universe.

As if she belongs.

Kara forces the thought from her head with a shake.

She doesn't belong here, she reminds herself; and the sooner she explains that and gets back to her regular universe then the less painful it will be for all of them.

Well, for Kara anyways.

She supposes that the universe will fold itself back together the way it's supposed to be after she's gone - whatever version of her that's supposed to be here taking her place.

When it's all said and done, today will be nothing but a memory for everyone but her; an eclectic fever dream of the time a Kara from another universe got stuck here.

But for Kara . . .

Well Kara certainly isn't going to forget this experience anytime soon.

At least she hopes she doesn't.

As much as it pains her to know that this is a life she'll never be able to have, she thinks it would be worse to never experience it at all.

Lena drops back, hand slipping into Kara's and giving a firm squeeze.

"We'll figure this out, darling, whatever they did to you, I can fix it."

Oh how Kara wishes that were true.

So much so that she almost lets herself fall prey to the confidence in Lena's voice.

She wishes it more than she's ever wished for anything.

And even though she knows all too well the devastation that comes with misplaced hope, her only response is to cling tightly to the fingers laced in hers and . . . well . . . hope.

[logically-asexual]

Whatever it takes

summary:

Gabriel notices that Nathalie is hesitating about continuing supporting him, so he misuses his powers to take advantage of her feelings for him and convince her to stay on his side. (could happen at some point during season 4, i guess?)

notes:

it's my first time posting fanfic for this show! i only discovered it a couple months ago and i'm already obsessed, mostly with this ship. leave a comment if you want just no season 5 spoilers pls. i've only seen half of it. <3<3<3

warnings: Emotional Manipulation, Unrequited Love, Toxic Relationship, Gabriel Agreste at the very least is an asshole

Read on AO3

word count: 2,234

Gabriel made his way back through the house after another failure. He felt exhausted, but did his best to stay hopeful, picturing Emilie walking by his side to their room, holding on to his arm as he guided her to a new, happier life. One day the walk in return from her resting place would be like that, with her and not without.

His daydream was interrupted by a foreign sensation on his chest. The jewel had sensed something, which was a familiar occurrence, but it was fleeting, gone as quickly as it came, and he didn’t have time to unravel it; that was the strange part.

He stopped walking to look around him, and found himself standing by his assistant’s bedroom door. He wondered if the spark of emotion had come from her, which would explain its unfamiliarity. Despite their constant proximity, Nathalie was normally one of the most difficult people to read, even with the magical power of the brooch. She had always been good at keeping a straight face and behaving only in the most professional manner, and she knew about the gift he now had, which meant she probably took action to counter it.

Gabriel was aware of the void her heart presented him with, and thought it was an unnecessary effort on her part. He knew her. What could she hide from him, when her actions spoke louder than any words she could say or thoughts he could feel? He knew about her affection for him and his son, her fear to show it and risk her employment, and her loyalty that convinced him to trust her with his most guarded secrets. He didn’t need to search for more.

Or at least that was what he had thought until this moment. Now he was curious.

He stepped closer to the door, searching for something, anything, but the emptiness felt even heavier than the burdens of any of the random citizens he had evaluated that day. Unfortunately, once an idea got into his head it was hard to let go of it, and once Gabriel Agreste decided he wanted something, he would get it.

“Duusu,” he called.

The small blue creature flew out of its hiding spot to float at his eye level.

“Please go check on Nathalie, make sure she’s alright.”

His apparent concern seemed to please the kwami, who wouldn’t pass on an opportunity to talk to its last owner ever since Gabriel began using the fixed miraculous himself.

“Yes, sir!”

He didn’t have time to correct the title used (he was the creatures’ Master, not anything less) before Duusu flew through the door and into the room. He stayed where he stood, waiting. He could hear the kwami’s muffled voice, but Nathalie’s responses were too quiet to understand. It didn’t matter, he just needed to pay attention to the jewel.

It was late, but Nathalie was still working. She sat on her bed, not yet under the covers, typing on her laptop. She was looking for clues on Ladybug and Cat Noir’s identities, rereading older news articles and her notes on the other miraculous users. Something must have slipped her sight, and she would find it.

As she saw the headline of an article about their defeat on Heroes’ Day, she remembered the disappointment she felt then. Maybe it was hopeless to keep trying, but Hawk Moth would never stop. Perhaps if she wanted to avoid dying of exhaustion she would have to give up on Gabriel, but that seemed just as impossible. She took a deep breath and continued reading.

She was once again distracted when Duusu flew into the room and sat on her keyboard, immediately making excited comments on the colorful pictures on the screen. Nathalie assumed Gabriel must have gone to sleep and the kwami took the chance to visit her. Duusu did that quite often, for some reason.

She tried to shush her, worrying she might wake up someone in the adjacent rooms, but the little bird didn’t listen. Normally she would let her be, but Nathalie was getting a headache.

“Ladybug is so pretty, don’t you think? Her hair is always shiny and perfect. Have you ever thought about wearing pigtails? How about a ponytail?” She got dangerously close to Nathalie’s hair, but she was quick to react and grabbed her before she would mess up her bun.

She held the kwami in front of her face and shushed her once more. “No. Now get out of here, I have work to do.”

Duusu stayed on her open palm and pouted. “Is something wrong, Miss Nathalie?”

“I’m fine, I just need silence to focus.”

Duusu’s expression lit up. “Does that mean I can at least brush your hair if I do it super quietly?”

Nathalie glared at her, but her smile didn’t falter. She finally sighed and gave in, to the kwami’s delight.

Duusu carefully took out the pins holding Nathalie’s hair up, and as it unwinded, she felt herself relax with it. A yawn escaped her, but she kept reading.

“You know,” Duusu said with an uncharacteristic whisper, “you can tell me anything, Miss Nathalie. I promise I won’t tell Mr. Gabriel!”

Nathalie just didn’t like getting distracted with irrelevant conversations, she wasn’t even thinking of that possibility. It wasn’t a solid argument, anyway. The proposal was so foolish she couldn’t help but refute it.

“He’s your owner now, he could force you to speak about anything. And you’re not good at keeping secrets anyway.”

“So there is a secret!” the creature yelled with glee, making Nathalie flinch at the volume. “I mean, in addition to the one about you being in lo—“

Once again she was quick to grab the kwami behind her head and covered her mouth. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

Duusu mumbled something unintelligibly, but her wide eyes communicated her regret and fear clearly enough. Nathalie let go of her and sighed. The little thing was just trying to help, after all. But what could she do? What could anyone do?

Every day was another disappointment, and as Gabriel became more desperate, he was also getting consumed by his anger and his obsession. He wasn’t the same man she admired. She was captivated by the way he would do anything for love, for Emilie. But now his motivations shifted, and it seemed it was only his hate for the young heroes that was pushing him forward.

“Besides,” she said, choosing to trust Duusu, “I am not sure that’s true anymore.”

On the other side of the wall, Gabriel gasped as another wave of emotion reached him. It was quick, but more certain than the first one, just enough for this time to be able to decipher it.

“I feel,” he said to himself, “a heart that’s torn between two alternatives, between giving up and protecting itself, or maintaining faith.” He frowned, turning towards the door. Nathalie was doubting him. That couldn’t happen. He couldn’t lose her. Without her ideas and her support he would never be able to succeed.

“Master?” Noooo peeked from inside his jacket, “What are you doing?”

“I need to take drastic measures.”

He waved his hand, pushing the kwami back, and knocked on the door.

Inside, Nathalie rushed to close her laptop and moved to sit under the covers. She signaled for Duusu to go away before she answered the knock.

Gabriel walked inside, directly to sit on the bed, a little too close for comfort.

“Do you need something, sir?”

“I… just wanted to ask how you were doing.”

He wouldn’t break eye contact, which was making Nathalie a little nervous, but as usual she made sure to keep her face neutral and breathing steady. “I should be the one to worry about you. You stayed up late as Shadow Moth and didn’t even have dinner.”

He looked down at his hands. “I was about to go to sleep, but I couldn’t stop thinking about something.”

Nathalie leaned forward slightly. “Is there a problem? Do you want to talk about it?”

Gabriel kept staring down, fidgeting with his ring. “I was just wondering… What if things don’t turn out as I imagined them? What if I’ve been focusing on the wrong thing all along?” Then he looked up into Nathalie’s eyes again.

She didn’t know what to interpret from that. She held his gaze and waited for him to continue.

“Nathalie, I…” He rested his hand on top of hers, and felt a pang of nervousness coming from her, before the emptiness was back. “You mean so much to me, you know that, right?”

She nodded.

“Good. Because I don’t know what I would do without you. I’ve been feeling conflicted about many things, but right now I know that my main priority is for you to get better, before it’s too late.” He leaned forwards and put his arms around her. He was hugging her.

The position was awkward and she wasn’t sure what he was trying to say. Nathalie didn’t know how to react.

“I am going to save you,” he whispered in her ear, as if answering her thoughts. “I promise I will. With your help I know we can do it.” He held her tighter, and she finally hugged him back.

“It’s okay,” she smiled. “I know we will figure it out.”

She felt safe, protected from the world and anything it may throw at her. She was about to close her eyes and rest her head on his shoulder when he pulled back, just enough to face her again. She ignored her slight disappointment at the loss of contact, but she noted his hands were still on her arms.

Although not unwelcome, his sudden affection was strange. Nathalie tried to convince herself to not read into it, since he was probably just upset about another defeat, and still focused on Emilie.

Gabriel felt it again, the conflict in her heart. He couldn’t let her continue hesitating.

“You mean so much to me,” he repeated, brushing her hair away from her face, only now noticing it was loose. It looked nice, but distracting. “I don’t care about anything else but you, Nathalie. Together, you and I will succeed.”

He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. The doubt weakened. He leaned in closer. He felt hope begin to replace it. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and softly kissed the corner of her mouth.

To Nathalie it was almost painful how gentle he was. She wanted to turn her head enough to kiss him properly, but she knew that he was going through so much, and she had to be patient with him. She didn’t move a muscle until he pulled back and she lifted a hand to hold his face. He held her wrist and put her hand back down.

“I’m sorry about everything,” he said, “I promise I’ll fix it.”

With that last statement he stood up and walked out of the room, just as swiftly as he entered.

Duusu came out of her hiding spot and soared across the room, cheering loudly. Nathalie ducked her head and covered it with her arms, hoping the flashes of blue wouldn’t come crashing into her.

“Okay, Duusu, that’s enough. We don’t want to wake Adrien.”

The kwami landed on her lap and looked up at her with her big pink eyes. Her expression fell when she saw that Nathalie’s own were holding unshed tears.

“Oh, no, Miss Nathalie! Are you alright? I thought what happened was good!” She flew up in front of Nathalie’s face.

“To be honest, Duusu, I’m not sure what just happened,” she said through shaky breaths. “I’m not sure what will happen now.”

“But— But he likes you!”

Nathalie felt a blush rise to her cheeks, but tried her best to stay collected. She bit her lip as she stared at the door, “I don’t know…”

“I do know that in fairy tales a true love kiss is all it takes for everything to be well!”

Nathalie scoffed at the bird’s naïveté. “Real life is more complicated than that.” She had no idea what Gabriel was thinking.

Duusu was still looking at her, waiting for… something. Maybe for a scene where Nathalie gets up and runs to find Gabriel in the hallway, where he catches her in his arms and they both openly declare love to each other, before walking off together into the night. She knew the kind of fictional stories Dusuu liked to hear about.

Displays like that would stay in romantic novels, where they belonged. She shook her head to get rid of the image. “I think I’ll just go to sleep, and we’ll see what tomorrow brings.”

This effectively quieted the kwami, since it was hard enough for her to convince Nathalie to rest usually.

As she rested her head on the pillow, Duusu laid on her shoulder, giving her a tiny hug. “Everything will be alright,” she reassured her.

Nathalie didn’t stop looking at the door through which Gabriel had left. For once her mind stopped racing and allowed her to doze off comfortably. “Yeah… Maybe it will.”

After leaving his assistant’s bedroom, Gabriel had made his way back to his office. He stood in front of Emilie’s portrait for a while, silently apologizing to her, reassuring her that he only did what he had to, to make sure he could continue his quest and fulfill his goal.

Nooroo once again floated next to him, but was looking at the floor. “I don’t think you should take advantage of people’s feelings like that, Master.”

Gabriel frowned, annoyed by the creature’s voice. “Don’t lecture me, kwami. I’m only using the power that you gave me.” He turned back to Emilie’s face “And I’ll do whatever it takes.”

[jesterthebestsir]

Hello dearest jester i have returned ! :3

Through stalking all your posts, i have found another element of your existence which i resonate with! I am currently in the exact same predicament with you with the age difference and everything haaa to me it seems we live very similar lives !

I hope you have the jolliest and loveliest of days!

Welcome home, Anon! (This post is gonna be long and you'd probably won't read too much of it lol)

TL;DR: Figure out WHY you like them. Did they do something for you? Did they show up at just the right time? Why do they mean so much to you? I've calmed down with my obsession for her over the last few weeks and I think that's because I sorta broke down why I'm in love with her (in no particular order):

She represents a better time:

I met her in 2019 and when I was 11-12 over Amino, at the time, I was seen as the golden standard; good grades, good attitude, paid attention in class, and quiet. I had everything together and more! Then 2020 hit and messed all that up, but I still had her. If the guilt of not doing my school work didn't keep me from talking to my friends then I'm sure I would've texted her from the moment I got up to the moment I went to sleep. She was a constant in a moment in my life where everything wasn't.

Now, I can't focus like I did back then. School (as I'm sure you've seen from my other posts) is a drag to me, I can barely go an hour without my mind heading off into space and miss whatever the teacher was saying. Whenever I go through something mildly stressful my first thought is, "I should text her :D!!". She is a big comfort for me and represents my golden years of ignorance, naievity, and a stagnant and monotonous, but desirable life.

First Crush:

This was my first proper crush; I had butterflies in the stomach, anxious but excited for her text (but I didn't want to text first because I didn't want to seem desperate), and would not stop talking about our conversations to my friends. Before all this, if someone asked if I had a crush I would point to the nearest person, but this was real. My heart was racing for someone! I couldn't get her out of my head and with my friend drawing shipart of us, all of my feelings felt so RIGHT. Not to mention that she did say,"I love you" (through roleplay). I felt like I was in a romcom with how I was acting.

Amount of time I spent with her:

All of it was through text, but typing takes time and that's time I could've spent anywhere else... don't you think I'm owed something? I felt somewhat entitled to her affection due to how much time I put into our relationship, I was staying up to 4am texting her, often falling asleep during our long roleplay sessions because I was so tired! All of the time I sank into you and I can't do that anymore because of a little (PROBLEMATIC and AWFUL, I KNOW THAT THIS IS BAD) age gap?

I thought I was mature for my age:

I was told I was mature and well-behaved for my age by many adults. So, if I'm so mature, then I can handle mature relationships, right? Age is just a number when your minds are so in sync! (FALSE!!!! I WASN'T MATURE, I WAS STUPID)

I thought she wasn't mature for her age + She's stagnant:

I'M NOT CALLING HER STUPID, I SWEAR

The way she talked to me back then and how she talks in her TikToks and writes now is roughly the same; she's still the silly, inexperienced, and slightly edgy girl I knew from back then. I've grown up and she stayed the same, so even if I'm not as mature as I seem, neither is she. It balances out, right? (WRONG!!!! I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER IN YEARS + I DON'T KNOW HER LIKE THAT ANYMORE) Breaking down what made her so special to me, why I adore her, and realizing that I don't love her in the way I want to love her is what's helping me move on from her.

also posting most of my feeling on here helped

also getting a AWESOME hyperfixation

[yamikawas]

Yoomtah loves you so much and she will never ever Ever leave you... since she's a cyborg, she would never have to, anyway! She can just stay with you forever... and ever... and ever...

AAAAAAAAASHDHWJDHWDJFNNFVMGDFNGM GOOD MORNING IM ;///; I LOVE HER SO MUCH ALL I WANT IS FOR HER TO STAY WITH ME FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER I NEVER EVER WANT HER TO LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A SECOND I JUST NEED HER RIGHT BY MY SIDE AT ALL TIMES I HOPE SHE DOESNT MIND<3<<3<33<333<3<3<3<3<3<<3<<4<3<3<3<3<3<<3<333322<2<3<3<<33<3<<3I JUST LOVE HER SO SO SO MUCH

[justoneacatperson]

Two babies broccoli

Alpha! GN! Reader x Pregnant! Omega! Midoriya Izuku (Headcanon)

This is reupload from my old blog!

I would say that his pregnancy was accidental, not planned. You are two heroes who are trying to climb the charts, and your mate is struggling to be the number 1 hero, there are no children in your plans.

But apparently a month ago, when you both entered your cycles at the same time, blurred by lust and instincts, you forgot protection. So now the green-haired omega walks back and forth in the bathroom, muttering hundreds of questions under his breath as he waits for the time for the pregnancy tests to over.

His phone rang, announcing that the time had over. He stopped the alarm, looked in the mirror, taking a deep breath. Now is the time, he thought. He took one of the three tests, looking at how many traits had. Two large clear red lines appeared. Midoriya couldn’t believe it, looked at the other tests, seeing the same results. Tears welled up in his eyes, threatening to erupt like waterfalls.

Now what? He has to tell you. You’ve both commented that you want children at some point in your life, but not is the time. Deku is already in the top 10 best heroes, and you are in 17th place. It took a lot of time and effort for both of you to get to where you are now. Are you ready for that? You put a lot of time and work into reaching this position. Will you be happy or angry? He never saw you angry at him, you were the most wonderful mate in the world in many ways, but now the situation is very different from all you have been in.

It was late when you came home from a patrol and imprisoned several villains while Izuku had been home for several days due to illness.

-“Izu?” you called, taking off your shoes in the hallway. You immediately heard footsteps on the floor coming towards you. You looked up smiled when you saw your omega. -“How are you?” you asked, giving him a hug.

-“I should ask you this question.” he replied, running his finger over the cut on your shoulder.

-“A villain managed to hurt me, but it’s nothing serious, just a scratch.” you answered quickly so as not to bother your mate. -“So you?”

-“Well… I have something to tell you.” he replied, arousing your curiosity. You released him from your embrace, placing your hands on his shoulders.

-“Whatever it is, I’m listening.”

Midoriya tried to say something, but no sound came out of his mouth, so he took the test out of his pocket, showing it to your eyes. It took you a second to realize what he showed you, and immediately your eyes widened.

-”Omega, you…”

-“Yes, I’m pregnant.” he did not know what to expect before you wrapped your arms around him, lifting him off the ground and turning him a few times in a circle. -“(Y/n) !?” exclaimed Izuku, stopping you. You smiled, kissing his nose.

-“I’m very happy, Izu.” you said, touching your forehead with his. The omega chirped merrily, and tears streamed from his eyes. -“It would be amazing to have puppies together.”

First Trimester:

Midoriya wanted to keep working while he could. He takes only tasks related to patrolling and paperwork, and starting to show his pregnancy, he will go on leave maternity and will only do paperwork.

You have become very protective of your omega. You will always scent him from head to toe to mark it as your own.

You had to tell your mate’s mother. Inko was in complete ecstasy, crying and hugging her son in a bear hug, shouting how proud she was of you two and that she couldn’t wait to become a grandmother.

He had a slight morning sickness that he only had in the morning and late at night.

His sense of smell and hunger sharpened. From morning to night he eats his favorite food - katsudon, but of course you can`t leave your pregnant mate to eat only that. Midoriya has no food he hates or can’t eat, but sometimes there are many weird combinations of foods he likes to eat.

On your appointment to a doctor, you both learned that you were expecting twins. You were both in shock and joy at the same time. You didn’t expect to have more than one puppy, so you need to rearrange your plans a bit. Because he had twins, he started showing up early, and your protective alpha instinct didn’t want to put him on missions anymore, so he was left to do only paperwork.

Second Trimester:

In fact, Deku is a very nesting omega. The nest has always been the most comfortable and safe place for omega, their confidential place. The green-haired omega needed his nest more during his years of growth, due to the traumatic news that he was quirkless, the constant harassment by Katsuki had made him spend more time in his nest, seeking solace. He now has a new occupation to remodel his nest for hours until he thinks it’s okay. He was so focused that you asked if he needed anything, if you could get more things for his nest.

He had made several nests in your house. The main nest was in your bedroom, next to your bed - big, fluffy, soft, made mainly of All Might merch, of course. There are two smaller ones in the living room and in the nursery where your puppies will be.

Izuku had pain in his ankles and back from the weight of the twins. You will often smear him with oils, giving him a light massage. He always tried to tell you that he was fine and didn’t need to, but you’ve seen enough of him since his school years to be with Recovery Girl or in the hospital often, because he doesn’t take care of himself and makes life-threatening decisions, you don`t want him to get worse, you have no rejection, and your omega has no choice but to agree.

Stretch marks appeared on his abdomen and thighs, which you bless! You will not allow insecurity to crawl up to Deku, you will always show that you love him and he attracts you, no matter how he looks like.

You started making the children`s room. Your close friends like Uraraka, Iida, Shoto, Tsu, even Bakugou helped you a lot with painting the walls, assembling the furniture. (Katsuki even made very spicy ramen for the green-haired omega, as you told him that he’s been craving spicy lately).

You were above the moon when you felt the puppies kicking under your palms.

At your next checkup, you found out that your twins are girls.

Third Trimester:

In the last months of his pregnancy, Izuku did not want you to leave him alone home. His inner omega needed you more than usual and will whine when he doesn’t get enough attention or closeness from you.

Spend most of his time lying in his nest and sleeping, to your happiness and surprise. It is rare to see Izuku Midoriya do nothing You like to lie next to him and brush up his curly hair with your fingers.

Babies became very active in his womb. They move and kick. You were both in cloud nine when they began to move in his belly, and you will both enjoy those moments. But in recent months, the puppies are too strong and kick their mother in the kidneys and ribs, which does not affect him well. It is difficult to calm them, your omega manages to sleep no more than 3 to 4 hours a night, because at night they are very active. This is slightly offset by his constant bed rest.

Birth:

7 hours of labour - sweat, tears, fatigue, but they were worth it when your little ones came into the world. You held one of your daughters while Midoriya held the other. They both looked the same - curly (h/c) hair, emerald green eyes, freckles all over their faces, and their skin something between yours and his color.

-“They’re beautiful.” you said, sitting on the hospital bed next to your omega. He let out a little tired purr, leaning against your chest.

-“That’s right.” you planted a kiss on his head.

[dendrite-blues]

For a relatively short exchange, this scene is jam packed with characterization for Loki. 

It’s also our first reliable look into what Loki was like before Thor 1. Not as described by others, but first hand and from his own mouth. I think that deserves a closer look, to see what we can learn about Loki and how he thinks.

This scene is significant because it tells us what Loki’s personality is like when he’s not running for his life. It tells us who he was before his trauma and what his core beliefs are underneath those layers of humor and bravado.

Better yet, since he’s alone we can assume that every line in this scene is presumably true, or at least Loki believes it to be true since he has no audience but himself. 

The dialogue centers mostly around the statement “You deserve to be alone, and you always will be.” I’m not going to focus too much on the “alone” motif since I already dedicated an entire meta post to it.

What I think is more interesting about this scene is actually the looping, and the stages Loki goes through in trying to deal with it. There’s a lot of really interesting character traits on display in that progression.

Loop 1: A Warm Bath and Glass of Wine

The first loop entails Sif lecturing Loki about cutting her hair, kicking him in the balls, and storming away. Loki kneels on the floor and he gives us this great line:

“A bad memory prison? How quaint. Some punishment. I remember exactly what I did after that. I went and had a nice, hot bath and a glass of wine, and I never thought about it again. Because it was just a bit of fun.”

So we can take this to be Loki’s default reaction to pain and criticism. When put into an unexpected conflict without any forethought or outside influence, this is what he says/does.

1) Downplay the damage/threat. How quaint. 2) Dispel/soothe the emotion. Nice hot bath. 3) Minimize the impact. Never thought about it again. 4) Deflect responsibility. Just a bit of fun.

Keep those in mind as we move forward, since we’ll be using them to make sense of what else Loki says in this scene.

Loops 2 and 3: Okay, Sif, Hang On

This bit is about Loki realizing just how bad his predicament is.

L: Okay. Okay, Sif. Hang on. S: No, you hear this. You deserve to be alone... And I always will be. L: Alright, I get it. Listen. You are a reconstruction of a past event created by the organization that controls all of time. So you need to trust me and you need to help me escape. Yeah? S: Pathetic. (she kicks him again) L: (winces and groans)

As we all would expect from him, Loki’s first impulse is to try and talk his way out of it. What he says to achieve that goal is pretty revealing though. Because he doesn’t try to ease Sif’s upset by apologizing or explaining or offering to magic her hair back. 

Any of these would have been more likely to save his nads in the given circumstance, right? The present threat is Sif, and she’s mad about what Loki did to her hair. But Loki doesn’t really see that. Rather, he treats her as a means to an end.

“So you need to trust me and you need to help me escape. Yeah?”

To me, that choice reveals something of a blind spot Loki has to the feelings of others. Even if he doesn’t actively like hurting people, he does prioritize their problems below his, and quite shamelessly. And at least on his first impulse, he doesn’t seem to feel much remorse or empathy for them.

Usually in fanon we attribute this callousness to his trauma. He’s learned that no one can be trusted and no one cares, and so he doesn’t allow himself to care for others. 

But between his Loop 1 sentiment of “It was just a bit of fun” for an event which caused real hurt to Sif, and his Loop 2/3 behavior of “you, stop being mad and help ME” I think it’s reasonable to say that selfishness/low empathy are traits Loki possessed pre-trauma.

Loop 4-????: Happens Off Screen

It’s unclear how many times Loki loops while the camera is following Mobius, but the implication is clear that it was been many, many repetitions. Somewhere in this his denial and deflection must break, because we come back to a much humbler, more pleading Loki.

The Final Loop: I Crave Attention

S: You conniving, craven... L: Sif. Sif. S: ...pathetic worm. L: Please, please, no more. Please, I beg you. I'm a horrible person. I get it. I really am. I cut off your hair because I thought it'd be funny. And it's not. Uh... I crave attention... because I'm... a narcissist. And I suppose it's... It's because I'm scared of being alone.

HOOO BOY, so this is quite a tough bit to analyze. There’s a lot of interpretations you could make, and a lot of topics to delve into. For the sake of focus, I’m going to ignore the narcissism question. That one really needs an entire post, and I want to focus on something else here.

That being, Loki’s way of processing conflict/punishment.

I’ve always found it strange how Loki takes such pride in being called a liar and cheat when he simultaneously has this chip on his shoulder about how nobody likes him. 

Those two traits don’t seem to play well together, and I always scratched my head over how they coexist in his character. If he wants people to be nicer to him, maybe he should stop antagonizing them? Yeah?

Well, here we’re finally given a clear reason. Loki craves attention, he hates being alone. So how does he avoid it? Pranks and mischief. 

Fair enough.

But then, if all his pranks lead to this outcome--outrage, retaliation, insult--why doesn’t he ever learn? How is it that after 1000 years of this behavior, he hasn’t found a better way to get the attention he craves? 

Loop 1: Downplay, dispel, minimize, deflect. He accepts zero accountability for the impact of his actions, and doesn’t think at all about how they affect other people. Just a bit of fun. I had a hot bath and a glass of wine, and never thought about it again. 

The only reason he reaches the level of self awareness on display in the Final Loop is because the looping forces him to contemplate his actions and the impulses within him that lead to that behavior.

This is projection on my part, but to me he acts as though this kind of deep reflection is a new thing for him. He sounds like someone sharing a revelation that he’s just had about himself. We’re being shown that Loki is a man of action. He will always move forward if he can, possibly because looking back to so painful that he can’t bring himself to do it.

Circling back around to the pride Loki has for his knavery, let’s suppose that he’s been on this negative reinforcement cycle since childhood. He’s always acted out to get attention, then received retaliation and insults for it, and then pushed the bad feelings out of his mind with creature comforts and mental gymnastics.

What happens over time, when you’re being constantly told that you’re a pain in the ass and no one likes you? Most of us would take it to heart, but Loki doesn’t. He has a big ego, big enough to resist that constant barrage of hate coming at him.

So how does he marry these two conflicting realities? 

He turns it into an identity, the God of Mischief. 

In his head, Loki excuses himself of blame by shifting the culpability to his moniker. It’s not that he’s immature and petty, he’s just a “trickster.” It’s in his nature to cause trouble, so he can’t help it. You wouldn’t dangle a steak in front of a tiger and blame the tiger for striking, would you? And if other people can’t take a “joke” then that’s not his fault, that’s on them for not having a sense of humor. It was just a bit of fun.

Here we see the union of these two halves of Loki, the lonely ice runt and the mischievous scamp. (And a little bit of the original Loki who Thor accused of being incapable of growth!) 

By refusing to think about others, and excusing himself from responsibility, Loki successfully preserves his self worth and insulates himself to most of the negative emotions he experiences.

Pain, embarrassment, and grief aren’t pointless emotions though. They are vital feelings that serve to regulate our behavior, and that push us to conform to the ways of our social circles. Without them, we annoy and upset others. Be annoying for long enough and you will eventually find yourself, well, alone. As Loki is.

Thus “Mischief” is a self-defeating loop, and Loki is just as caught in it as the cell Mobius trapped him in.

In order to be free of both traps, Loki has to stop running. He has to take a deeper look at himself and realize how much he is getting in his own way. The entire scene is one big parallel between these two “loops.” Pretty neat, huh?

Sadly these kinds of thought loops are really difficult to break, they’re buried so deeply in our personalities and habits that we usually don’t notice them until life forces us to address them.

The cell is Loki’s wake up call, and thankfully he does seem to rise to the occasion. He tells Sif quite clearly what his problem is, and he does it with beautiful, painful honesty.

Which is why it’s so fucking awesome for Mobius to acknowledge that, and to finally give Loki a taste of positive attention. 

You don’t deserve to be alone. I believe you can be anything, even something good. Whatever you two did, it was powerful enough to bring this whole place down.

It’s a beautiful scene. Well written, meticulously acted. The clarity of vision in the pacing and shot selection, it’s really something special.

[genshinlover101]

Hey hope your having a good day!

I just saw that requests are open so I got an idea.

What about Lisa rejecting fem or gn reader?

Idk why I just wanna hurt myself today 💀

Lisa Rejecting You

Character: Lisa x gn!reader

Warnings: none

A/n: Thank you! I hope you’re having a good day as well <3 

Sometimes I feel I wanna hurt myself too when it comes to angst writings :,)

• You didn’t know whether you liked Lisa for who she was or the idea of dating Lisa. Maybe it was because you were a bit touch starved, but Lisa’s constant flirty quips drove you crazy. You found yourself craving her affection more and more.

• Maybe it was all the pet names she threw on you. Or the way she stroked your shoulder to get your attention when you were reading a book. Or perhaps the way she smiled and greeted you as you entered the library. Whatever it was, it was all so lovely. 

• But of course, deep down inside you knew you weren’t special. After all, her personality was what attracted you, but also what made you fear confessing to her. She was one of Mondstadt’s infamous suitors, powerful, beautiful, and kind. What makes you a better candidate for her than anyone else?

• You’ve witnessed firsthand the way she treated others. You knew you weren’t anything special. But you felt you had an upper hand because you visited her daily and it made you feel superior to the rest of her ‘cuties’.

You followed Lisa around everywhere, and although you weren’t officially employed by the Library of the Knights of Favonius, it sure felt like it. You would arrive every day at 10:00 am and leave by 5:00 pm just to spend time with your beloved Lisa. She sure didn’t mind because not only were you cute but you helped around the place. She’s tried to dismiss you before, worried you were too involved with the library, but you insisted.

Today, however, you stayed extra late. The clock struck 8:00 pm and Lisa was still working on processing some late book return fees, you stayed because she looked particularly stressed out today. You thought if you left she would have no one to watch over the books.

You sat in silence as you read the second book in a trilogy. Occasionally people would come in and disturb you by asking for directions, but nothing too big. Until you felt two hands rest on your shoulders and wrap around your neck.

It was Lisa. Her body weight draped around you, you could even feel her chest pressed against your upper back. “Go home cutie, it’s getting late.” She whispered in your ear, yawing slightly at her own exhaustion.

“Oh no I certainly couldn’t do that,” You denied. “Who’s gonna help you out if I’m not around?” You faked your calm demeanor even if your heart was beating a mile a minute. Although you couldn’t suppress your blushes, your ears feeling hot as the blood rushed to them. 

“Why’re you so nervous darling? Maybe you have a bit of a crush on lil ol’ me?” she said taking note of it. You hesitated before you gave a rash reply. You could deny it and continue to live contently by Lisa’s side as her friend. Or you could confirm her suspicions and be free of this wretched feeling of never-ending curiosity of ‘what if’ scenarios. “Ah~ you’re always so silent around me. Loosen up a bit, I’m starting to feel a little lonely here.”

She let you free, untangling herself from your neck as she was on the verge of walking away. You grasped her wrist before she could leave, whipping her back into your position. Looking up at her from your chair you decided you would end your cycle of self-inflicted pain. “Miss Lisa... I like you,” you blurted out loudly.

Her eyes widened, surprise was not an emotion Lisa displayed very often. But to hear her little helper confess to her was something that undoubtably took her by a surprise. “I’m sorry?” she pardoned. “Did I hear that correctly? You like me?” She asked. You gave a firm nod of approval, was she really this shocked? you thought.

“I’m sorry little one,” She averted her eyes to avoid your hungry gaze. “Did I lead you on perhaps? I’m sorry I can’t return your feelings. I’ve just never thought of you like that.” You could tell Lisa had recycled these lines over and over again for every confession she’s ever received. You weren’t special to her, you just invaded her space unlike the rest of her suitors, making yourself only temporarily feel special.

“I see...” You looked away, releasing her wrist from your iron grip. The boost of confidence you had no where to be found. “I’m sorry, I’ll get going now.” You gathered your belongings as Lisa watched you awkwardly. Her stance was small and timid, as if she felt guilty for rejecting you. You made a mental vow that you wouldn’t distance yourself no matter how awkward the atmosphere was. Regardless of how Lisa felt about you, she was still amazing, intelligent, and everything a woman should be in your eyes.

You made your way to the door, opening it slightly. “Miss Lisa,” You wanted to say one thing before dismissing yourself for the day. “they say when someone confesses to another, they’ll be on that person’s mind for the rest of the day. And that’s enough for me, I’m happy knowing I’ll be on your mind for the remainder of today. See you tomorrow,” You gave her a reassuring smile before making your way out. 

“I look forward to it darling,” She said with a small smile, happy that nothing will change between you two.

[ransiquack]

Quite intense character analysis to help with future Luci/Elfo fics :] 👍

•Elfo!

In Elfwood he was constantly around people who made him feel unlovable and unwanted. Even his father showed little to no care about his general wellbeing (stealing his college fund and all). The only person who showed him any affection or genuine interest was Kissy. Of course the only thing she really wanted from the relationship was sex and a quick psychoanalysis but Elfo couldn't help but catch some feelings. He held on to this way of thinking for a very long time. Starving for even a glimpse of appreciation or care to the point that as soon as someone was nice to him he'd fall right back into the puppy love role, prepared to give up everything to feel wanted. Even with his slight resilience in his relationship with Trixy he'd always go back to clinging onto even minuscule displays of attention. When faced with being practically abandoned while leaving home he clings to the show of friendly intrigue that is Bean. He creates an idealized version of her in his mind and clings to the thought that she may love him. When his already fragile sense of self worth is fractured by Bean choosing Dagmar over him he practically shuts down and refuses to take any displays of affection seriously, leading to him undermining his friend's hell bust. He's stuck feeling unlovable and unwanted yet again.

He battles with keeping his practically wholly made up crush alive to preserve whatevers left of his self worth while also subconsciously deciding to let go of love for a bit and stick to his horny guns. This would explain his shallow lusting over Dagmar. In seasons 3 and 4 especially, you can see some very promising pieces of development in how he deals with his 'crush' on Bean. There's a bit of a parallel in seasons 1 and 3 I believe where Elfo goes on a tangent explaining how great Bean is while comforting her. In the season 1 version what he decides to comment on comes off as a creepy stalker getting lost in his own lust filled ramblings. In the more recent version it comes across as a supportive friend giving his bestie a pick me up. Another thing about this version is that he was drunk or at least tipsy while it happened. This shows me that without his filter his feelings for Bean at their very core are nothing more than platonic at this point in time. Obviously it takes him a while to fully let go but I believe he lost feelings around late season 2/early season 3 and fully let go in the last episode of season 4. Finally coming to terms with the fact that he has to search for love elsewhere.

In short all he's looking for is the love and attention he wasn't given for most of his life. Thankfully at least his family and friends situations are much better.

(He may also have adopted a bit of a praise kin-

In terms of how he deals with his feelings currently, I believe he's decided to start keeping his feelings to himself as much as elvenly possible. So instead of letting himself feel he shoves it down to keep himself safe. (He'll figure out his new(ish) genuine feelings soon enough and have a little breakdown but he'll get there eventually)

•Luci!

Luci has spent around 300 years of his life in a place that treats him like nothing. All of his peers were either demeaning or condescending and never took him seriously. The only time he gained even a little respect it was almost immediately ripped away from him. Since day one he was taught that any emotions formed outside malicious intent were shows of weakness and to be looked down upon. That constant berating plus the aforementioned powerlessness has led him to feeling like any trek in the ways of emotional regulation or fulfillment weren't normal and completely useless. This also leads to my theory of why he was so comfortable in his relationship with Kissy which is that he entered the relationship out of purely petty reasons so he was confident in his unfeeling status (can also explain him being so willing to say he loves her). This thought led to the idea that he was upset about the relationship ending because he'd have to think about why he'd entered it in the first place. To give some background on that reasoning just before that was the hell bust for Elfo. While Elfo was busy feeling dejected and unwanted he downplayed Luci and Bean's efforts by a hell of a lot. In the hell bust he had to make peace with how much he cared about Elfo and subsequently gave up everything he'd gained in hell, practically giving up almost everything he cared about for something he was told he couldn't care about. After Elfo being a lil bitch about the whole situation Luci goes into one of his little 'extra evil' moods before going back to normal. For a while he goes in and out of those moods right up until a little while before the whole Elfo getting kidnapped by Trøgs thing in season 4. Right after he finds out about him getting taken he starts being extra dickish about it. We've already seen Luci use his 'demonic nature' to save his friends before along with his impeccable quick thinking. Because of this I think he knew as soon as he told Bean about the situation she'd try to save Elfo and get caught and the only way to get out of going with her was for her to make that decision herself. How? By acting so insufferable she kicks him out. After that hes able to save them both just in time. I don't exactly know what happened with Luci before this whole thing but it feels like him coming to terms with some special little cravings of his. What I do know is that after this episode he starts acting a lot more like himself and actually much more affectionate. In the last episode it's at it's strongest with that little "but who loves Luci" line along with him being extra pliable with Elfo.

In my professional opinion Luci is currently letting himself crave the very thing he was told he could never want. With that I also believe he'll be doing a lot more of that 'attached at the hip' thing.

(Side note, I think the scene right after that last episode line where Bean says she loves him and gives him little kisses is absolutely adorable but ,for obvious reasons, not at all romantic. I also think that he can't quite figure out why he wants more from Elfo than what he gets from Bean but he'll figure it out soon and only freak out a lil.)

[scxrlettwxtches]

a crown of thorns | hwang hyunjin

genre: royal au, fluff/angst, fem!reader

warnings: pregnancy, slight violence

description: a few years have passed since your tumultuous beginnings with the enemy king, hwang hyunjin, and to everyone’s astonishment, your marriage flourished with an abundance of love. however, this was not yet a happy ever after, and danger still lurks within every corner of your peaceful kingdom.

word count: 14.0k+

a/n: ack the more i read this, the worse it seems to get haha. but guys!! this is my last fic on this blog!! thank you again for all the love you’ve shown me and my writing. <3 wishing everyone all the best!! 

As he sat on his throne, absently chatting away with foreign envoys, Hwang Hyunjin considered himself rather lucky for a multitude of reasons.

All the princes and the lords sitting around the table, enjoying the tea and pastries, had everything one could want in the world. Endless fountains of wealth, resources, luxury. Whatever they desired, they only needed to snap their fingers, and someone would provide. It was the type of life many in his kingdom could only dream about in their wildest fantasies.

But, underneath the splendor, Hyunjin could see it as bright as day. Beneath the material luxury was discontentment, unease, unhappiness. Many of them were married to people that they did not love, were tied to their own wealth as it was the only sense of stability in their lives. And above all, Hyunjin could sense their loneliness, the invisible--yet deadly--disease that latched onto the heart and knawed at it until it was nothing but a shriveled remain. It was a poison that had no identifiable cure, and its affects only magnified as time went on.

Hyunjin could see it all because, once upon a time, he was just like them. Sitting on the throne, he was merely staring at reflections of his past self, a shell of a boy that was forced into a position of power too soon with too few people he could trust. He saw himself in the young lord that was visiting from across the sea, his eyes alight with ambition and a thirst to prove himself. He saw himself in the crown prince of the neighboring kingdom, the mistrust laced in every sip he took of his tea. He was like that once: scared, angry, betrayed, and alone.

But with a strange twist of fate, his life changed for the better. He found people he could trust. He met the love of his life. Unbelievably, he even married her, slowly earning her respect and eventually, her heart. And now, Hwang Hyunjin was no longer the boy with a crown too heavy and a life too lonely. He had people he cared about deeply, he had people he wanted to protect with his whole being. Especially…

“Papa! Papa!”

Hyunjin’s ears perked up as the large, ornate wooden doors of the hall creaked open ever so slightly, and a pitter patter of frantic footsteps bounded into the throne room. Almost immediately, he felt a smile grace his face, all the tension draining out of his posture as he gazed at the little girl, his darling daughter. 

Even the most stone-hearted envoys and esteemed guests could not hide their smiles as the girl ran excitedly towards her father, “Papa!” She giggled again, clumsily climbing up the steps to the throne.

Hyunjin’s heart fluttered with pride as he watched his daughter clamber up the marble steps, and for a split second, the image of her sitting on the throne as the next queen flashed across his mind. One baby step at a time, he reminded himself, and he stood up, easily picking up the girl as she gripped onto his sleeves.

“Naeun,” he brushed the baby hairs out of her face and smiled at her rosy cheeks. Time and time again, he was reminded of how much his daughter had begun to resemble the both of you. She had his doe eyes, but her smile, that was all you. 

The meeting became completely irrelevant to Hyunjin as he lavished all of his attention on her, “What are you doing here?”

Naeun, who was breathing heavily from all the running she had done, huffed and pouted rather sternly, “Mama said that if you stay in the office all night again, mama will dwag you back to the bedwoom.” 

Hyunjin fought the urge to laugh, utterly charmed by Naeun’s petulant words. How hard had she prepared to relay such a fiery message? He climbed up the remaining steps with the girl in his arms and sat back down comfortably on the throne, gently placing her on his lap.

“Papa is very sorry,” he said solemnly, bringing her little hand to his lips so he could kiss the back of it, making her giggle and squirm, “Did your mama send you here to tell me that?”

“Nope! But mama miss you!” Naeun replied brightly, and by this point, none of the guests were able to hide their endeared smiles and chuckles. Hyunjin felt a strange rush of both protectiveness and pride as he observed how easily Naeun had stolen the spotlight in the room with her joy and her innocence. It must be a father instinct that he was beginning to develop.

“Ah, mama misses me?” Hyunjin didn’t even know his heart was capable of containing such unbridled happiness and love as he smiled at his daughter. Naeun nodded firmly, and Hyunjin rubbed her back as he smoothed down her pretty princess dress, making sure she was comfortable before addressing the guests.

“My apologies for the interruption,” he said with perfect politeness, ever the ideal host. As expected, not many people were even the slightest bit annoyed by the disturbance, and they all waved off his apology, continuing the casual conversations about trade, finances, and commerce.

When it was all over, and Hyunjin was finally able to adjourn with all meetings and any other activities he’d scheduled to entertain his foreign guests, he eagerly walked down the hallways to the royal chambers, with Naeun safely nestled in his arms.

“Papa?”

“Yes, my little one?” He replied, letting her rest her chin on his shoulder.

“What’s fin..finan…” Naeun’s face scrunched up with effort as she tried to put the word back together from her memory. 

Hyunjin smiled fondly; he’d noticed her eagerly listening during the meeting, trying to soak in all the new knowledge that was coming her way. Naeun was good at de-escalating tensions, especially when she did her usual thing of barging into meetings without a care in the world, but Hyunjin also liked to let her stay in meetings because the little toddler seemed genuinely interested. She never seemed like she wanted to be anywhere else, only blinking from person to person with her large doe eyes. 

“Finance?” He supplied helpfully, and Naeun nodded into his shoulder, “It’s grown up stuff.”

“I like grown up stuff,” Naeun said with all the seriousness that a three year old could muster.

Hyunjin laughed, “I know you do, petal,” he hummed, thinking of a good way to explain the concept, “You know when you like to play house with your dolls and Uncle Changbin?”

Naeun immediately brightened at that. She loved playing house with Uncle Changbin! He was always a bit grumpy, a bit reluctant, but they always had a great tea party whenever her mama and papa were busy. 

“Mhm!”

“And you always like to trade certain dolls for the dolls that Changbin brings?” Hyunjin asked. Once again, he felt enormous gratitude to his personal commander, Seo Changbin, for going beyond the responsibilities of duty to take care of Naeun. As much as you and Hyunjin tried however you could to make time for her, with royal duties, parties, meetings, and work, it was just impossible to spend large amounts of time with your lovely daughter.

“Mhm! Uncle Changbin brings pwetty dolls!” Naeun nodded.

Hyunjin felt the smile grow on his face as he held her in his arms. He’d been smiling more often ever since Naeun was born, “Exactly. And you always have to give a few of your old ones to get the new, right? Or choose a few toys to give to Uncle Changbin so he can donate them to the capitol orphanages?”

Naeun only nodded curiously. 

“That, in a way, is finance. Of course, it’s a little more boring than trading dolls, though,” Hyunjin tickled her tummy with his finger, distracting her as she wiggled and squealed. Truth be told, Hyunjin didn’t want Naeun to grow up so quickly, even if that was all she wanted to do. Hyunjin didn’t remember anything from his childhood except textbooks, lectures, and a crushing pressure from his father and mother to live up to their expectations. He would never wish that upon his daughter.

After one more turn around the corner, they finally arrived at the Royal Chambers, with Changbin and Felix standing guard on both sides of the entrance. 

“Hi, Uncle Changbin! Hi, Uncle Lixie!” Despite their attempts to teach Naeun royal protocol about how to address the Kingsguard, she had little regard for it, opting to wave from the safety of her father’s arms. 

Changbin’s normally passive, almost grumpy expression melted ever so slightly as he waved back at her.  Despite his constant statements about not wanting to marry and not wanting to start a family, having Naeun made Hyunjin realize that his commander was surprisingly good with children. But if anyone so much as mentioned it, Changbin would deny any evidence of such allegations. Felix, on the other hand, was absolutely besotted with the little girl and made no attempts to hide it.

“Hi, little princess!” He smiled, opening the doors to the most private section of the palace. Hyunjin chuckled, nodding respectfully to both men before walking in. 

“Now, where’s your mama?” Hyunjin murmured. Of course, you were supposed to be in the bedroom, but Hyunjin knew you better than that. 

Naeun giggled, as if she knew you were breaking some sort of rule, and pointed to the study, “There!” 

“Thank you, petal,” Hyunjin booped her nose fondly before walking into the study, creaking the door open slowly as not to startle you. 

Every time his eyes fell to you, he would be swept with a newfound love that was stronger and more powerful than the time before. Even though your back was turned slightly away, and he could only see the slight curve of your lips and the profile of you from the side, Hyunjin knew without a doubt that you were the most beautiful woman in the world. 

You didn’t seem to notice your family walking in, lost in thought as you stared at the window, a piece of parchment in your hand. Hyunjin smiled, knowing how concentrated you can get when it came to state affairs. He put a finger to his lips, indicating to his daughter to be quiet. Naeun covered her mouth with her little hands, nodding as he very gently placed her on the fluffy carpet so she could play with the toys on the ground.

“I believe the doctor’s orders were for you to stay in bed?” Hyunjin murmured softly as he gently draped a woolen shawl over your shoulders, his arms snaking around you from behind. Maybe you did know he was around, since you didn't seem startled by his presence and only smiled as his hands rested on your tummy.

“We have guests in our palace. How can I stay in bed when there’s so much to do?” You replied, leaning into his arms and physically relaxing against him.

“You can just leave the work to me,” Hyunjin pouted a little, feeling guilty that he wasn’t able to handle the entire burden of royal duties. He couldn’t when you were pregnant with Naeun, and he couldn’t now. His hands rubbed your tummy through the silk nightgown as he gently placed his chin on your shoulder, murmuring, “It’s not good for the baby…”

Every time Hyunjin touched your tummy, it made you airy with disbelief and awe at how fortunate you were to have him. When you were a princess, long long ago, you’d never expected yourself to look forward to starting a family. But with Hyunjin, Naeun brought so much joy in your lives that neither of you could help but want another, and your prayers were answered when you became pregnant again around the time Naeun turned three. 

Part of why you were willing was because it awed you every time you saw how much Hyunjin cared. You knew how kings were, always drowning in their work, their duty, which always led them to crave independence, and then occasionally, turning to other women than their lawful wife. You knew that was the norm. Care, much less love, was something that royal women would be lucky to have.

Yet, Hyunjin gave it to you in the spades. Hyunjin cared, Hyunjin loved so much. You saw it every time he looked at you, you saw it every time he would gingerly place the crown upon your head before formal gatherings. You saw it every time he’d keep you close at parties, made sure everyone knew how much he valued you and your opinion. You saw it every time he looked at Naeun, his eyes sparkling with childlike wonder that could only be reflected in your daughter’s own eyes.

And now, with the two of you expecting another child, you saw it in his fretting, his worrying, his constant attempts to keep you safe and healthy, even if he was a little overbearing.

“The doctor never said a little bit of work would harm the baby,” you pointed out, tilting your head back to look into his eyes as you cupped his cheek, “I’m checking myself, I promise.”

“I’m sure you are,” Hyunjin chuckled, and he could no longer stop himself, his lips pressing against  yours in a gentle kiss as he hugged you. You only hummed happily against his lips, enjoying the moment when you were suddenly interrupted.

“Yuckie!” Naeun squeaked out, causing both of you to pull away with a laugh. The princess was sitting on the ground with a soft plushie in her arms as she looked at her parents with disgust.

You burst into giggles, pulling away from Hyunjin to walk over to her, “Yuckie? It’s yuckie that your parents are in love?” You asked teasingly, pinching her cheek. Naeun giggled, trying to run away as Hyunjin suddenly lifted her up from behind, placing her in his lap.

“Kisses are yuckie!” She squealed, making both of you laugh as Hyunjin tickled her tummy.

Hyunjin smiled, chuckling, “Don’t ever let me catch you kissing someone else,” he warned. In all honesty, the idea of his precious daughter falling in love made his blood boil unreasonably. Especially in the royal realm, it was so hard to determine which ones were good and which ones were only hiding behind the mask of benevolence. Just the thought of Naeun falling in love, Naeun getting her heart broken by some good for nothing prince…

“My love,” Hyunjin’s eyes widened as he felt a gentle hand on his arm. You smiled fondly, almost as you already knew exactly what he was thinking, as you always did, “Baby steps, alright? She’s not at that age yet.”

“Baby steps!” Naeun chorused, although oblivious to the conversation at hand. 

Hyunjin felt himself relax, and he engulfed his daughter in a big hug, letting her snuggle into his chest, “Yes, baby steps,” he murmured as he left a kiss in her hair.

.

“What do you mean, they won’t allow it?” You asked angrily, following Hyunjin into his study as he ran a frantic hand through his hair.

Hyunjin sank into his chair, frustration clear in his face as he glanced up at you, “The letter from the council came back. Apparently, there were some strong voices of protest, and eventually they decided to rule against it. They won’t accept Naeun as the heir.”

“That’s ridiculous!” You snapped, feeling steam practically radiating from your ears, “She’s the eldest child, our first born! They've had three years to observe her, and she's performed well in all subjects. She’s practically a genius!" 

You whirled around, tightening the shawl around your frame as you made up your mind to go to the council yourself when Hyunjin rushed over, intercepting you as he gently grabbed your arms, “Y/N, my darling,” you shook your head, not in the mood for his cajoling and gentle attention.

“I’m going to talk to them. They were relenting a couple months ago! I don’t see why--”

“Hey, hey, breathe,” Hyunjin’s voice was suddenly stern, his hands running up and down your back to soothe you, “Calm down, love. Please. Think of the baby.”

You froze, the fight beginning to drain out of you as you tried to take deep breaths. Hyunjin’s hand trailed to your wrist, subtly taking note of your pulse to ensure that you were still alright. 

“I know you’re angry. So am I,” Hyunjin spoke, stepping closer to you and cupping your face in his gentle hands. Your eyes closed at his touch, feeling his warm embrace as his comforting presence, “But we need to deal with this slowly. There are foreign envoys still here, remember? We can’t go barging around the palace like we normally do, not until they leave.”

You huffed, knowing that Hyunjin was right, but still feeling churlishly angry at the news, “So we just wait?”

“We’ll discuss it once more when the council meeting is held again,” Hyunjin suggested, brushing a strand of hair away from your face, “I’m sure they’ll cave. Naeun is a perfect contender, the perfect candidate for the next heir. She’s just not what they’re used to.”

“And what are they used to? A son?” You said mockingly, your anger fueled by the ridiculous laws that were still in place. Your kingdom had long since done away with such petty things as male only rules, but it seemed like Hyunjin's kingdom was a little more traditional. 

“Yes, and you know how stubborn they are about it” Hyunjin murmured, palming your stomach, “They’re waiting for this little one.”

“They don’t even know if it’s going to be a boy,” you scoffed, but you could feel yourself relaxing in Hyunjin’s arms. The two of you were so alike and yet so different. Hyunjin was the cooling water to your raging firestorm. And you were the spark that light his ice cold heart alight with love for the first time all those years ago.

Hyunjin hummed at your comment, gently nuzzling his nose against your cheek, “I think it will be. Otherwise, I'd be awfully outnumbered in this family,” he said softly, kissing your cheek as he continued, “But no matter. I still want my precious Naeun to be the crown princess. The council just has stick up their ass.”

“Hyunjin!” You slapped his arm, pulling away to walk towards his study, sitting in the chair as you felt the baby kick once again.

The king only laughed at your glare, immediately rushing to your side as he took your hand, “The baby’s bothering you again, huh?” He asked, his eyes filled with wonder as he stared at your tummy. It was a silent, yet rather apparent question to you, asking whether he had permission to touch. It was almost adorable how childishly excited Hyunjin would get at the thought of his own children.

You gently placed his hand over the fabric of your dress, right over where you’d felt a slight kick just before, “It’s not a bother,” you said gently, “How can it be a bother when it reassures me that our child is safe and healthy?”

Hyunjin’s expression was nothing short of entranced as he felt a push against the palm of his hand, “I love you,” he murmured as he glanced at you, and he leaned forward to press his cheek against your tummy, to which you only smiled fondly and ran a hand through his hair.

“I love them, too,” he spoke to your stomach, as he had no doubt that your unborn child would hear it and know just how much their father cared.

The two of you stayed in that position, basking in the monetary relaxation for a moment longer, your hands gently running through his hair as he rested his head on your lap. It was definitely not a position that either of you would want to be caught in, but Hyunjin found himself rather fond of it, being able to let go of his responsibilities and rely on you for comfort without being anxious. 

You sat for a moment longer before a particular piece of parchment on Hyunjin's desk caught your eye, and you quickly reached for it as your husband continued to rest comfortably on your lap.

“There’s a party tomorrow night?” You asked, scanning the contents over as your free hand gently carded through his hair.

“Mhm, the envoys are leaving the morning after, so it has to be grand,” Hyunjin mumbled lazily in return, his eyes shut from mild exhaustion.

You hummed, putting the parchment down as you said softly, “If it’s the final dinner, shouldn’t I be there? I haven’t seen any of our guests except on the first day. It would be impolite if I missed the last event, too.”

“No,” Hyunjin’s grip tightened imperceptibly as he gently held your waist, lifting his head up to meet your eyes, “They understand your situation. It’s only natural that you haven’t been at all the events,” he said firmly, his hand absently moving towards your stomach.

“It’s still impolite. I should probably go,” you said softly, resting your hand over his, “We don’t want our guests to leave with a bad taste in their mouth.” 

Hyunjin looked uncertain, his eyes pleading with you as he pressed his lips to your knuckles, “If something happens…”

“Nothing will happen, my darling,” you cooed, trying to reassure your love as you sensed his fear. Hyunjin, underneath his cold words and powerful gaze, was just as human as any other man.

“It’s just a party. I won’t even dance, alright?” You continued with a cajoling smile, brushing your thumb against his cheek bone, “I just have to be there, Hyunjin. It’s my duty.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes fluttered shut as he melted against your touch, leaning his cheek into your hand and sighing softly, “I know I can’t change your mind,” he said, “You’re just stubborn like that, and I love it more than you know. But it scares me so much.” 

“It scares you?” You repeated his words, waiting patiently for him to elaborate. 

The king nodded, looking so vulnerable in your arms that you were afraid he’d break, “What if something happens? What if, one day, you overestimate yourself and you lose the baby? Or worse,” Hyunjin kissed your palm, holding your wrist in his hand as he gazed upon you with more pain in his eyes than you’ve ever seen.

“What if I lose you, too?”

Your heart shattered at the fear and the sheer amount of unconditional love that glistened in his eyes whenever they met yours, “Oh, Hyunjin,” you sighed, leaning forward to be closer to him, “It won't come to that.”

But Hyunjin couldn't hear reason at this point, frightening himself as he held your hand, “I can't rule this kingdom without you, without your love. You're the first happiness I've ever had in this lifetime.” 

“Hyunjin, you can and you have,” you argued, reaching to lace your fingers with his, “You were ruling wonderfully before we met.”

“It's not the same, darling, and you know it,” Hyunjin answered, kissing the pulse point of your wrist daintily, “You made me a better person and a better king.”

You couldn't help but smile adoringly, reaching your other hand to run your fingers through his soft hair, “I'm glad. You made my life happier than I ever dreamed it could be.”

Hyunjin sighed, melting into your touch. As always, he felt weightless in your arms, free of burden and responsibility. He didn't have to think of anything but you and him.

But alas, there was still a problem at hand. 

“Do you really want to attend the party?” He asked softly into the fabric of your dress, one of the comfortable ones he'd ordered to be specially made for you when the two of you discovered that you were expecting a second time.

“I do, Hyunjin. I think it's best that I take my place beside you, at least once before they leave. It'll quell any rumors about us and about my supposed ill health,” you explained your reasoning, understanding Hyunjin’s doubts but still feeling strongly about going all the same.

Hyunjin’s eyes opened slowly and he nodded in resignation as he stood up, “Alright. I won't stop you. But, my love, at least let me assign Changbin and Felix to you as your guards for the night.”

“Both of them?” You asked, standing up slowly to maintain your balance. Hyunjin didn't leave your side for a moment, holding your arm in case you fell, “Isn't that a bit much?” 

“It would make me less anxious to know you're well guarded,” Hyunjin pleaded with you, fixing the shawl around your shoulders as the two of you walked out of the study. It was already quite late in the evening, with Naeun having been sent to bed long before. 

Your fingers intertwined naturally, and the two of you headed to your chambers, ready for a long night's rest, “Alright, assign both of them to me,” you relented, “I still think it’s a bit overkill.”

“You’d be walking around the town without a single guard if we went with what you thought was overkill,” Hyunjin chuckled, beginning to shed his uniform.

“Not true,” you protested weakly as you climbed into bed, already in your nightgown.

Hyunjin joined you soon after, engulfing you in his arms and his comforting scent as you let out a sigh of contentment, burrowing in his embrace, “Let’s get some rest, alright?” You said, sleepiness laced in your voice as you hummed softly, “I love you.”

“I love you, too, my darling,” Hyunjin murmured his response without a moment of hesitation, as if he’d been waiting all his life to tell you, “so much.”

.

Parties were hectic enough already, even more so when you had a hyperactive toddler to manage on top of the plethora of things that could already go wrong, from the banquet food to the entertainment. 

"Weeee!" Naeun squealed, running around the bedroom like a madman and trying to escape changing into her party dress. 

Before she could slip away, you managed to snag an arm around her waist, lifting her into your arms with a grunt, “Where do you think you're going, little princess?”

Naeun pouted, whining as she wiggled in your grasp, “Want to go play! Want to find papa!” She said with a huff. 

“Papa is busy right now,” you said patiently as you gently plopped her on the bed, trying to help her out of her nightgown while Naeun fussed, obviously not wanting to do as she was told.

“But I want to play with papa!” She protested as she eventually lifted her arms, letting you help her change. 

You sighed as you helped her into the beautiful golden dress, the fabric laced with ruffles and sparkling thread that was fit for any little princess.

“Papa is a little busy, alright?” You spoke gently, trying to make your lecture sound less like a scolding and more of an explanation, “There have been guests in Mama and Papa's home for the last few days, and Papa has been busy taking care of them.”

“B-but...what about me?” Naeun’s lower lip quivered dramatically, and you fought the urge to smile at how utterly adorable she was, “Papa take care of me!”

“You don't think Papa takes care of you?” You asked, raising an eyebrow, “Papa spends all his free time with you, Naeunie. Papa takes caring for you very, very seriously.”

Naeun pouted still, her lip jutting out petulantly, but she let her head fall. Even for a three year old, the little girl was awfully perceptive, and knew when she'd lost an argument. And in her heart of hearts, she knew that her parents really did move heaven and earth to make her their top priority.

“Papa no stop taking care of me?” She asked softly as you buttoned the pearl clasp around her collar.

“No, my little one,” you answered with a gentle smile as you fixed her hair, “Papa and Mama will always take care of you. When this is all over, how about we stay a week at the summer residence? Just you, papa and me, and we'll have all the time in the world to play with you.”

Naeun gasped, bouncing on the bed, “Weally? Just us?”

“If you want, you can drag your Uncle Changbin to come with us, too,” you said slyly as you booped her nose, but instead of scrunching her face playfully as she always did, Naeun suddenly looked ashamed, head tilted downward as if she’d done something naughty and then felt guilty about it after the fact.

You were immediately concerned, “Little one?” You prodded, gently trying to tilt her chin up so she’d look at you, “Little one, what’s happened? You can tell Mama anything.”

Naeun hiccuped slightly, and your heart ached as you realized that she was on the verge of tears, “Mama, ‘m sorry,” she mumbled softly, eyes glittering with unshed tears and you quickly sat on the bed, pulling her into your lap.

“Why are you sorry, Naeunie?” You asked, trying not to sound frantic, worried, or anything that might frighten her more.

“Papa said Mama is tired, and that I shouldn’t bother Mama,” Naeun explained, large droplets beginning to roll down her rosy cheeks as she wailed, “But I’ve been bad bad! I make Mama worry!”

You tried to stifle your incredulous laughter as your daughter clung onto you, wailing dramatically as if the world was about to end. So that was what got her so worked up all of a sudden.

“Silly little thing,” you teased, cradling her in your arms as best you could with the bump of your stomach getting in the way. Still, you nuzzled your nose against her cheek, wiping her tears, “It’s mama’s job to worry. You’re a perfectly good girl, Naeunie. Mama and Papa are so lucky to have a precious girl like you.”

Naeun’s shoulders slowly began to shake as she rubbed her eyes, “Like me?” She repeated, a tinge of innocent hope and adoration laced in her voice that always raised your protective instincts, the instinct to shield her from any harm that this world could throw at her.

You smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear as you spoke softly, “Just like you. Mama and Papa love you to the moon and back.” 

“And I love Mama and Papa, too! So so muchie!” Naeun parroted back happily, smiling with all the life and brightness that both you and Hyunjin lacked in your own childhoods. Maybe that was why the two of you were so determined to be there for Naeun in every way possible, to make sure that she knew she was so very loved. Because neither of you received that type of acceptance when you were children.

“Good girl,” you said, kissing her forehead once more before smoothing down her dress, “Are you ready to go?”

“Mm!” She nodded, clambering off the bed and standing tall, “Will Papa be at party, too?”

“Your papa is already there,” you chuckled to yourself, taking your daughter’s little hand and heading out of the bedroom.

Outside, both Felix and Changbin were waiting for you, dressed impeccably for the formal occasion. In normal circumstances, it would only be one of them waiting for you while the other guarded Hyunjin, but the king had not allowed any exceptions. Both of the strongest in the Kingsguard must be by your side for the day.

“Sorry for the wait,” you said to both of them as Naeun slipped away from you, skipping over to her two uncles, going especially for one in particular.

“Uncle Changbin, Uncle Changbin!” The man grunted as he caught her in his arms, shifting so she was eye level with him, her bright smile contrasting with his typical frown.

Felix walked with you as Changbin and Naeun entered their own little world, with the young toddler prattling his ears off and the commander listening with surprising attentiveness, “She plays favorites,” Felix complained playfully, clutching a hand to his heart as he stayed by your side.

“She definitely does,” you agreed with a fond smile, keeping an eye on your daughter as you walked down the halls, a hand resting on your tummy as you glanced at the man beside you, “Hyunjin is at the party, right? How is he doing?”

“When will the two of you ever not worry about one another?” Felix laughed, shaking his head, “Hyunjin caught me on the way up to your bedroom, asking about you as well.”

You shrugged, the sound and clamor of crowds and partying beginning to be apparent as you neared the ballroom, “That’s just married life, Felix. Trying to put the other person before yourself,” you glanced at him, the gaze in your eyes shifting into something more mischievous as you opened your mouth, “And maybe, you--”

“Nope! Not happening!” Felix interrupted you cheerfully, “You and His Majesty have just been on my ass about it, and it’s not happening!”

“Oh, but Lixie,” you laughed with him, taking his arm as you walked down the marble steps, “it’s really not all that bad!”

Felix’s gaze was soft as he gently patted your hand. He’d been assigned to the Kingsguard right around the time you were crowned Queen, and there was a sort of camaraderie that formed between the two of you from trying to navigate the ups and downs of palace life. He was a good confidante, and you very much valued his happiness.

“I’m happy here,” he said gently, looking into your eyes with his bright and genuine ones, “I’m happy looking after people that I care about. And for now, I don’t ever want to lose that.” 

You sighed, a smile gracing your face as you shook your head, “Alright. But if you ever change your mind…”

“You and His Majesty would be the first to know,” Felix promised.

The doors swung open, and the crowd quickly stood at attention as you entered the ballroom. Your gaze hardened ever so slightly, and your posture shifted, taking the persona of the respected queen that you were to the eyes of your people. Before you were a mother, or a wife, you were a symbol, an anchor of virtue.

Even Naeun was on her best behavior as she walked down with Changbin, holding his little pinky as she climbed down the steps. She seemed to sense her own importance, and did her very best not to mess up, making you break character for a moment as you smiled.

Your eyes caught sight of your husband standing near the throne, and his eyes twinkled with adoration when your gazes met. He put down his glass of champagne, quickly gliding through the room to receive you.

“God, he’s whipped for you, Your Majesty,” Felix muttered under his breath, “Does the honeymoon period never end--ow!” A discrete finger jab to the side was enough to shut him up.

Hyunjin’s smile was small and hidden, reserved just for your eyes as you made it to the bottom step, “Don’t you look beautiful, my Queen,” he murmured, chastely kissing the back of your hand before pecking your lips.

“Jinnie, not here,” you scolded lightly, letting him take your hand as Naeun rushed over, the crowd cooing with delight. Naeun had only been present in a handful of engagements before this particular party, and the people were still fully immersed in baby fever, entranced by the little girl.

“Papa!” She jumped at him, your husband bending down and catching her easily.

“Oh, my little petal!” His smile was bright as he held her securely, spinning her around, “Ready for dinner?”

“Mhm!” Naeun nodded, but not before placing a big kiss on her father’s cheek, “Miss you!”

You couldn’t help but giggle, watching as the princess’s actions completely melted the crowed. She was definitely a natural. You remembered what you were like as a three year-old, scared, terrified, and always trying to hide behind your mother’s skirt even as she forced you to be independent. 

Naeun didn’t need that push, and you were grateful.

Hyunjin carried Naeun in one arm and escorted you with the other. Your eyes scanned the room, automatically taking note of certain esteemed guests and nobles. In the edge of the room, you noticed a few council members sitting together at a table, refusing to stand at attention for your entrance. 

"Is everything ready?" You asked as you carefully sat down beside Hyunjin, "The dinner, the entertainment-" 

“It’s all done,” Hyunjin smiled, pecking your lips before he placed Naeun in her chair beside his golden one, making sure she was sitting still, “Nothing to worry about.”

You smiled, grateful that your husband was so accommodating and willing to handle so much of the work while you needed your rest. Gesturing to one of the maids, you waved your hand, requesting her to start ushering the guests to their seats as food was about to be served.

As you continued to observe the room, making sure everything was running smoothly, you felt a gentle hand take yours, rubbing it soothingly.

“I haven’t seen you all day. I missed you,” Hyunjin murmured into your ear, making you blush slightly. Even after all these years, his forwardness always flustered you, made you feel like a giddy young princess rather than an experienced queen.

“Hyunjin, come on...not here,” you whispered back, letting his hand glide to your stomach, hidden from everyone’s view by the table in front of you. 

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” Hyunjin protested in a playful tone, gently patting your tummy before pulling away and gaining back some of his kingly aura right as the first dishes were served.

The banquet went without much of a hitch, to your relief. The atmosphere was overall genial and it didn’t seem like any of your guests had malicious intentions. Hyunjin, of course, grew a little ruffled when one of the young boys from the envoy’s family, no older than five, asked to dance with Naeun, but you argued that it was rather endearing to see the children stumble around the dance floor.

“Mama, that was really fun!” Naeun reported happily when she was sitting back in her seat, her hair slightly messy from twirling so much, “Want to do it again!”

“Never, not while I’m still alive,” Hyunjin muttered, rubbing his eyes halfheartedly as the memory of his precious little girl dancing with a boy replayed in his head. 

You laughed at the two of them, reaching over to fix Naeun’s hairdo so she didn’t look like an absolute mess for the rest of the evening, “I think your father wouldn’t be very happy with that,” you said teasingly, kissing her forehead just as the crown prince approached your table with a glass of fine wine in his hand.

“Your Majesties,” he spoke respectfully, exuding the perfect mixture of gracefulness and charisma as he bowed, “If I could do the honor of making a toast for the occasion?”

Of course, the request was posed as a question, merely to play to the ego and the pride of the hosts, but a toast was usually not something you could refuse. Doing so meant bad blood, tensions, potential rifts in foreign relations. Besides, the prince didn’t look malicious; you normally had a good sense of intuition about people, and the man standing before you and Hyunjin didn’t raise any red flags.

Hyunjin didn’t seem to sense anything either, and with a courteous smile, he waved his hand in agreement, “The trade deals we’ve made this time around are definitely a reason for celebration,” he said, “Although, I’ll have to drink on behalf of the Queen as well.”

The prince smiled at that, gesturing to one of his servants as they walked towards the table, bringing two gold encrusted wine glasses towards you, “We would never want to leave Her Majesty out. In consideration of her pregnancy, I’ve brought a specialty drink created from a fruit that is grown only in our country. It is harmless to the body, and said to bring good health and longevity to expecting mothers.”

Gasps and noises of approval filled the air as you tilted your head inquisitively, looking at the wine glass being presented to you. You could feel Hyunjin’s hesitancy, and you studied the prince’s expression carefully, but there really didn’t seem to be anything wrong. There wasn’t any point in making a big fuss over nothing.

Delicately, your fingers wrapped around the glass, picking it up and looking at the orange liquid. Hyunjin watched you carefully before doing the same with his glass, which held red wine like everyone else.

The prince smiled, relief obvious in his posture as he held up his own glass. He obviously had worried that you might reject the gift, thinking that it overstepped boundaries. 

“May our kingdoms stay allies through peace and through strife. To friendship!”

The crowd chorused the sentiment as you merely lifted the glass to your mouth, the liquid just about to touch your lips when you froze.

That scent. You remembered it when your physician had warned you against certain plants that were harmful to your body. As the queen of two nations, you were an obvious target, and there was never any telling with when someone with a cruel heart could slip a poison into your food or water. The scent was almost imperceptible, but you knew it was there.

Someone was trying to poison you, and they chose the most opportune time to do so.

Watching as the prince and your husband both downed their glasses, your brain was working a mile a minute, scrambling for a way out. You could you say outright that there was poison in the glass. That would put both your own staff and your guests in a terrible position. You didn’t have any proof that it was actually the prince who was trying to harm you, and making those accusations would all but tear the alliance apart. 

Your heart must’ve been pounding so loudly that the people around you could hear. You kept your face placidly calm as you decided on your course of action, and very subtly tapped your finger against the wine glass three times, a signal that Changbin had taught you in order to alert the Kingsguard of danger.

Both Changbin and Felix saw your movement, and so did Hyunjin out of the corner of his eye. He turned, his expression slowly morphing into shocked anger, something you had not wanted to happen. Thinking quickly, you pretended to choke, coughing up a storm as you managed to put the glass down.

Felix walked forward and was beside you in an instant, catching on to your actions. He handed you a handkerchief, gently patting your back as Changbin was also by your side, a concerned expression crossing his face as he stood guard.

“Are you alright, Your Majesty?” Felix asked, keeping the attention on you as he discreetly slid the glass to the side, letting Changbin collect it and take it away, ensuring that it was as far away from you as possible.

“Y-yes,” you smiled shakily, pressing the handkerchief against your lips, “Just got startled when the baby kicked.”

The people around you, Hyunjin and Felix, instantly saw through your lie, but knew better than to question your words when everyone’s eyes were on you. You finally glanced at your husband, your anxiety spiking when you saw the way he looked at you, eyes filled with uncontrollable fury. 

Someone had really tried to hurt you, really tried to take his happiness right out from his grasp.

You placed a hand on his, and gave it a warning squeeze, “I’m alright, love, there’s no need to fret,” you cooed, putting on a show of calming him down so that his anger might be taken as anxiety instead.

Hyunjin caught onto your cues, and did his best to control the murderous emotions threatening to bubble out of his chest. Luckily enough, there was another distraction that waddled over, effectively putting the whole situation at rest.

“Mama! Are you alright?” Naeun ran over, her expression overly worried as she stood beside you, her little hands grabbing blindly for you and wanting to be held. As she was watching her Uncle Changbin, she’d panicked when he did, automatically thinking that something bad had happened to her mother.

“Oh, my little one, nothing happened. See?” You comforted her, bringing her hands to your cheeks as you smiled, “Mama is fine.”

“My deepest apologies, Your Majesty!” The prince stammered out as you gently placed Naeun in your lap, giving into her cries to be close to you, “I did not mean to cause you harm. Not in the slightest.”

“And you did not,” you spoke gracefully, a hand lightly squeezing your husband’s leg under the table as you took control of the conversation, sensing that the man was no longer thinking rationally. Hyunjin already suspected the prince as the main culprit, and any words that would leave his mouth from here on would be far from pleasant.

You smiled serenely, looking at the prince, “There was no harm done. Pregnancies are always unpredictable.”

The prince nodded, his expression still anxious as he excused himself and took his seat back with his family. Looking at his frazzled expression, the idea that the person who was looking to poison you was less likely to be him.

“Hyunjin, snap that glare off your face. People are beginning to notice,” you hissed in his ear as people began to dance and mingle now that the dinner part of the banquet was done. Naeun was still in your arms, having fallen asleep. It was far past her normal bed time, after all.

But Hyunjin’s fury was just barely contained, “How can I? Someone tried to hurt you, Y/N. Someone tried to do so right before my very eyes, right under the noses of our Kingsguard,” he spoke under his breath, the cold glint in his eyes growing stronger with every moment. The Hwang Hyunjin of old, the ruthless king that ruled without mercy, was returning, and you needed to stop him quickly.

“Making a ruckus will not serve us any good,” you said softly, continuing to bounce Naeun lightly on your lap.

“He needs to know what happens if he hurts a member of the royal family,” Hyunjin’s glare shifted to the prince, who was dancing with his wife amongst the crowd.

“It isn’t him, Hyunjin,” you took his hand, lacing your fingers together, “I’m sure it isn’t.”

“Then who?” He rounded on you, eyes filled with pain and anger as he tried to hide it from nosy onlookers, leaning closer to press a kiss to the crown of your head, “Who would dare hurt the most precious person in my life?”

“I don’t know, Hyunjin. But now isn’t the time to play detective. Let’s get through this party first, alright?” You asked soothingly just as Naeun shifted in your arms, mumbling.

“Papa…”

Hyunjin faltered at that weak cry, and you smiled in relief as you carefully handed Naeun to her father. The king held her in his lap, using her as his anchor. 

"Oh, my little petal," he sighed, letting the girl slump into his chest as she slept soundly, unaware of the turmoil raging through her father's heart. Hyunjin held her close, kissing her hair, and you were able to observe the party absently, letting yourself calm down after a near experience with death.

Who could've done it? The very idea of lacing the queen's drink with poison, and quite possibly starting a war in the process, would scare almost anyone away. It had to be someone with much more to gain from the incident, someone that feels sure enough of their position that they see the act through knowing it could never be traced back to them. 

You sat in relative silence for the rest of the evening, choosing to observe rather than participate as the guests enjoyed the many festivities you'd planned for the evening. One particular man, sitting at the table to your right, who looked suspiciously upset for such a joyous occasion, caught your eye. 

His motives certainly aligned, and he was of high enough status that he probably didn't even have to personally orchestrate any of it to happen. 

Could it be...? There was only one way to quell your suspicions. 

. 

The party ended uneventfully, and soon, many of the guests began to trickle out of the palace gates, ready to retire for the night. One man opted to take a less crowded route back to his estate, cutting through the palace passageways instead of braving the cold and the people. After all, he was no longer in a sociable mood after the events of the night. 

He should've  known it wasn't going to be so easy. The queen was not only royalty, she was an experienced general as well. It shouldn't have been such a surprise that she sniffed out the little surprise so easily. 

Still, even if it was to be expected, it was still a disappointment. If only she wasn't around, things would be so much simpler. He would've been able to further secure his position, maybe even take control of the military. Oh, the possibilities for him were endless if only- 

"General Lee Minho. It's quite late for you to still be here in my palace." 

If only you weren't around to stop him. 

Maintaining his composure, Minto turned around, giving you a perfect bow, "Your Majesty, I didn't mean to impose. I was merely trying to get home-" 

"Why did you do it?" 

Never one to beat around the bush, were you? 

Minho gave you a saccharine smile, his heart still relatively at ease. You had no proof. There was nothing that could connect the act to him. 

"Your Majesty, I don't believe I understand." 

It must've been the wrong thing to say. Your eyebrow raised inquisitively, and you took a step forward, your eyes cold and unwavering. You must've learned a thing or two from your besotted husband.  

"You're a cunning man, General. Our kingdoms profit off your intellect and your strategy," you said, looking straight into his own unflinching gaze.

"In fact, your cunning is the only reason you are still alive." 

The air seemed to grow thinner in an instant, and the pleasantries all but faded from Minho’s expression. You weren't inquiring, you knew it was him. This encounter was merely icing on the cake for you. The general was suddenly aware that the halls were completely empty save for the two of you, and there was not a sound to be heard. Not the sounds of a servant fetching water, or a maid finishing up her errands. Nothing.

Minho pursed his lips, giving you an unreadable gaze, “I wouldn't advise threatening me in your condition,” he commented, eyes falling deliberately to the swell of your stomach.

You couldn't help but smile in amusement at his thinly veiled threat, “I assure you, General, I am perfectly safe.”

“Oh?” Minho raised an eyebrow at your words, “And I suppose one of your two dogs that you call the Kingsguard is hiding just around the corner, waiting for a movement that would put you in danger before cutting me down.”

The silence screamed under the midnight sky, and the candles illuminating the hallway seemed to flicker as your smile turned icy.

“Do you really think I need Felix to intercede in order for me to kill you?”

Your words were barely audible, and could've easily passed as the murmurings of the wind, but for the first time, Minho didn't feel safe. There was something about the glint in your eyes, the way you stood before him like a storm just waiting to tear through him. 

All this time, Minho had not worried about the consequences of his actions. He did not believe that you were in a position to raise a finger at him, especially since the nobles were on his side. You were the former princess of a foreign kingdom, after all. You were the disadvantaged one here. If anything, he was worried what the king might do if his plot was discovered, knowing and having witnessed Hyunjin’s merciless punishments to those that defied him.

But standing before you, alone and without the bravado of his typical entourage, Minho realized. It was you that he should've feared. 

There was not an ounce of humanity, affection, or care in your eyes. The loving queen that had just been cradling her daughter in her arms earlier that night had all but slipped away. Standing before him was a battle-hardened warrior, a woman who had experienced too much suffering to ever go through it again, no matter what it took.

“What do you want from me?” Minho said, his innocent facade fading completely as he finally caved, the hatred seeping into his eyes as he glared at you.

“I want answers, and you will give them to me. If you don't know, which I doubt will be the case, you will direct me to someone who does.”

Minho’s jaw clenched, feeling the growing panic and fury clawing up his chest as he stood before you, with no more cards to play, “Alright.”

“Alright?” You raised an eyebrow, the simplest action laced with an unspoken threat.

“Alright, Your Majesty,” Minho sneered, wanting nothing more than to pull out his hidden blade and run it cleanly through your throat. He knew better though, especially since he was sure Felix had his eyes trained on him, ready to strike.

“Who else is in on this?”

“A few of the lords were vaguely aware that I was plotting something, but they did not actively participate in the act.”

“Were your actions supported?”

Looking down to the side, he muttered, “There were a few people that did not agree on my methods, but still want you removed.”

“Naeun. Is she in danger?” You asked sharply, for the first time, feeling a spike of fear hit you. If there was someone willing to murder your unborn child, you suspected that Naeun would not be safe either.

To your relief, Minho shook his head, “Not that I know of.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. As long as you and your child were relatively safe, you could continue the interrogation more seriously, “You laced my drink with poison, but it was not a large enough dosage to cause death. Why?”

“Your death would effectively sever any alliance between my kingdom and yours,” Minho gritted his teeth as he spoke, as if you were physically pulling out every single word from his mouth, “As much as I despise your kingdom for starting that useless war, I am not arrogant enough to deny that our alliance has benefited both of us greatly.”

“So you wanted my child,” you snarled lowly, your hand unconsciously reaching to touch your stomach as if protecting it, “You wanted me to miscarry.”

Minho smiled, all daggers and fangs as he replied, “If your baby didn't make it, you won't have a male heir. You would most likely have a harder time conceiving, and we'd be able to supply His Majesty with a suitable mistress.”

You stared at Minho, the pieces falling together in your mind as you thought of every moment when the general had tried to undermine you, make your comments less received by actively criticizing them, or scorn you for your status as a foreigner.

“You wanted me to lose favor with Hyunjin,” you concluded, feeling almost disappointed by the turn of events. No matter what kingdom, the power hungry were always the same, tearing down others for their own benefit. Doesn’t the battle for control ever get tiring for them?

Minho barked out a scathing laugh, “Of course I wanted you to lose favor with him. I wanted him to resent you, to hate you, to see you for what you really are, a viper hidden beneath that pretty, pretty face of yours.”

“Why?” You asked, genuinely confused, “Why must you go so far to stop me--to stop him--from being happy?”

“You think he’s happy?” The general scoffed, and against his better judgement, he took a threatening step towards you. The expression on your face barely twitched, but Minho could suddenly feel a murderous aura coming from behind him, and he knew better than to push his luck.

“Do you really think he’s happy?” Minho laughed, “You destroyed him, Your Majesty. You turned him soft. We were going to build the greatest, most ruthless empire the continent has ever known. And suddenly, after he met you, he decided to stop conquering, to take care of his people, to take care of your people after you lost.”

You weren’t expect such a barrage of anger and honesty, but you took the chance while you had it, “And what? You’re upset because you stopped gaining wealth and power in the spades like you used to?”

Minho’s scowl was pure wickedness, and you stared him down, an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object, “I’m upset because you turned our king into a soft, weak little boy. The plan was to wring you and your people dry, taking all the resources before leaving you to fend for yourself. And, suddenly, after he met you, he wanted to do nothing but protect you, a cowardly, foolish princess that was nothing but her parent’s puppet--”

“Careful,” your voice was soft, its edges laced with poison as your eyes flashed with a silent warning, “You are alive still because I have use for you, but you run your mouth like that again, and I’ll have your tongue cut out before I slit your throat.”

The general realized the seriousness of your words, and his eyes narrowed, “You have use...of me,” he repeated your words, already disliking where this was going. 

“Of course I do. If I didn’t, your body would have already been dumped into the river by now,” you said pleasantly, the serene smile back on your face as you pulled at your lace gloves.

Minho raised an eyebrow, “Do you think you’d be able to get away with that, Your Majesty?”

“Oh, my dear General,” you couldn’t help but laugh, amused by his doubtfulness at your capabilities, “unlike you, I am not in the position where every move I make is another desperate grab for power. I am the Queen. The power stems from me and my husband. And do you think Hyunjin would care about the potential murderer of his unborn child if I told him the truth?”

Minho’s jaw clenched so hard, it was painful. He underestimated you. Hyunjin was not the ruthless one. You were.

Like a snake constricting its prey, knowing there was no hope of escape, you smiled, “You are in no position to threaten me, Lee Minho, and unless you want me to strip you of all of your titles or for me to tell Hyunjin about what has just transpired, I’d keep that snippy mouth of yours shut.”

How pathetic. You knew exactly what he valued in life, and didn’t hesitate in brandishing against him like a sharpened blade. All of Minho's actions were to protect his reputation with the king and to hold onto the power he'd already earned, and you were dangling that prize over his head, ready to rip it away from him at a moment's notice.

“What does Her Majesty require of me?” Minho asked through gritted teeth and a clenched smile.

“Stop with the schemes. I'm sick and tired of them,” you said tiredly, giving him a wary glare, “Stop trying to usurp my power and overthrow my position as Queen. It doesn't matter how many mistresses you want to throw at Hyunjin. He will always love me as I will always love him, and even if that doesn't come to be, he will always have respect for me.”

Minho felt his blood boil as he nodded, “Yes...Your Majesty.”

You didn't give him the satisfaction of seeing you smile, moving straight to the most important term.

“You will instate Naeun as the Crown Princess.”

“Are you insane?” Minho snarled, his anger spiking as he spat at you, “The people who supported me in ruling against her will think I've gone mad.”

“Maybe you should've thought twice before deciding on your vote then,” you smiled placidly as you took a step closer towards him.

“You will instate Naeun as the Crown Princess, no conditions, no what ifs. She is the heir. Understood?”

As he gazed into your eyes, each order you have laced with power and unspeakable threat, Minho saw himself in the reflection of your sharp stare. To you, he was nothing but a mere doll for you to manipulate to your own will, a being that could just as easily be discarded as it can be replaced. 

“Yes, Your Majesty,” Minho said again, the hatred in his tone more than apparent.

“I expect the good news to be placed on Hyunjin’s desk tomorrow morning.”

Without another word, another acknowledge or even goodbye, you turned around, walking down the hall and leaving Minho to wallow in his own failure, leaving him to forever berate himself for the missteps he made, the miscalculations that had now put his entire career into the hands of the person he despised most in the kingdom.

“Sounded like things were going well, Your Majesty,” Felix commented nonchalantly as you passed him, the young guard having positioned himself in the adjacent hallway, waiting for any inkling of danger to jump in and protect you. You didn’t fail to notice the way he twirled his knife before slipping it back into its sheathe, obviously having pulled it out when Minho had made a poorly concealed threat regarding your condition.

“Yes, it seems like some good has come out of this ridiculous farce,” you sighed, placing your hand gently over your tummy as you felt the slightest kick against your side. With that conversation, you could only hope that the worst of the nobles’ spite towards you and your blood would soon be over. 

Felix eyed you carefully in the silent walk back to the Royal Chambers, noting both your emotional and physical state, “Are you going to keep this from His Majesty?” He asked, afraid of overstepping his boundaries by prodding too much.

“Eventually, the truth will come out whether I want it to or not,” you said as you entered the private section of the palace, exhaustion laced in your words. Truthfully, if Minho had decided to call your bluff and attacked you earlier, it wouldn’t have been as easy as you’d made him believe it to be. You had your reputation as a powerful general back when you were a princess to thank for how successful your negotiations went.

“Still, I think I’ll keep it a secret...just for tonight,” you confided to Felix tiredly, turning to him with a weary smile, “He’s worried enough already, especially after earlier.”

Felix nodded, and you didn’t need to ask additionally to ensure secrecy. Felix was good about those things. He was a good confidante, and once again, you felt immensely grateful for his presence. 

He gave you a bow, practiced ease and gracefulness exuding from even the simplest of movements as he spoke softly, “Take care of yourself, Your Majesty.”

You couldn’t help but smile, reaching over and gently patting his head, a silent gesture of praise for the young knight who’d done so much for you, “I promise. Now go get some sleep. It’s quite late.”

Felix excused himself politely, and you took a deep breath, heading to the bedroom where your lover was probably waiting anxiously for your return.

.

As you’d expected, Hyunjin was almost beside himself when you walked into the room, his hands freezing from where they were pulling at the roots of his dark hair when he gasped, “Y/N, my love!” He rushed towards you, pulling you into his arms and sweeping you into a tight hug.

“Where have you been? I was worried sick! Changbin said that Felix was with you, so I trusted that nothing was wrong, but you were gone for so long and I thought—”

“Shh, my darling,” you cooed, letting his hands touch you fleetingly everywhere he could, your shoulders, your waist, your tummy, anything to let him know that you were once again safe in his arms.

You smiled, cupping his cheeks as you leaned close, “I’m alright. Everything’s alright. I just needed some air after what happened today, so I took a walk in the gardens. Felix was with me every step of the way.”

Hyunjin let out a sigh of both relief and frustration as he held your hand resting on his cheek, looking into your eyes, “Please don’t scare me like that again,” he whispered, “Not after what happened earlier.”

“Nothing happened, Hyunjin,” you said softly, your thumb lightly brushing his face as you comforted him, “I’m here, aren’t I, safe and sound?”

“Things could’ve turned out so much worse,” he pressed a fleeting kiss to your palm as he held your hand, “I had the liquid inspected. At this very moment, you could’ve been unconscious, fighting for your life, our child...gone,” his voice cracked ever so slightly as he palmed your stomach.

“But it didn’t happen like that,” you reassured him, eyes widening as you saw his own eyes glistening with unshed tears, “Oh, Hyunjin.”

Reaching forward, you wrapped your arms around his waist, burrowing in his chest as Hyunjin easily fell into your embrace, burying his face in your hair as he hugged you tightly. The room filled with the comfortable silence, and your conversation continued without the need for words.

I love you. I want you to be safe. Please don’t do anything dangerous. It was all translated through your touch and the warmth you gained from one another.

Hyunjin’s hugs were warm. They felt like hot chocolate on a cold winter day, like a summer breeze that swept you away. You felt safe just being in his arms, and soon, you let out a quiet yawn, nuzzling into his chest.

“Let me coddle you tonight,” he murmured, sensing you slumping forward in his chest as his fingers lightly massaged your scalp, “I know you don’t like it very much, but just for tonight, can I please take care of you?”

You couldn’t help but smile at his request. As much as Hyunjin liked to be cared for, by you in particular, his favorite hobby was to spoil you in any capacity that he knew how. He loved to lavish you with gifts, shower you with love, and to do every little thing to make you comfortable. You weren’t the person that liked to take advantage of this little trait of his, since you were never one for lavish gift giving nor were you ever given such attention before, but seeing how earnest he was, you decided to compromise, especially after all the worrying Hyunjin had probably gone through just waiting for you to return. 

“Of course,” you nodded, pressing a kiss to his lips, “Let’s get ready for bed.”

Hyunjin was carefully meticulous as he  undid the corset of your party dress, pulled out the pins that held your hair up, and delicately slipped the silk nightgown over your form, all the while trailing kisses wherever he could. You did the same for him, helping him out of his uniform as your lips connected with his.

“I was thinking,” you mumbled absently as Hyunjin kissed you with abandon, his hands nimbly undoing the braids in your hair, “We should go away, just us and Naeun.”

“Oh? Do tell me more,” Hyunjin replied with a soft smile, his lips trailing down to your jaw as you tried your hardest to remember what you were trying to say. What a little brat he was being.

You sucked in a gasp as you rolled your eyes, amused by his antics, “Let’s spend a week at the summer estate. Naeun needs space to run around, and both of us need a breather from our royal duties. You especially.”

Hyunjin groaned at your words, “You’re definitely right about that. But can we afford to leave, with all the chaos going around?” He asked, as he began to usher you to the bed, his arms looping around your legs as he ultimately decided to just carry you.

“H-hyunjin!” You squeaked, surprised by the sudden action as your arms wrapped around his neck. Your husband paid you no mind, carrying you to the bed before placing you down delicately. His eyes met yours and you touched his face, “I’m sure we can make time. We can delegate some of the less important work to some of the council members. If not, we can just work extra hard after to make up for lost time. We all need a break.”

“Your wish is my command, my Queen,” Hyunjin leaned forward, pecking your lips before walking around to crawl under the covers from his side of the bed, “I’ll start planning the details of the trip tomorrow. Deal?”

“Deal,” you smiled, snuggling into the covers and scooting closer to your husband as his hand absently shifted to rest on your tummy.

“It would be good for this little one, too. Just to experience what life outside this stuffy palace is like,” Hyunjin mumbled, his eyes already closing. He was no doubt exhausted from hosting the party and all the preparations before hand.

You felt your cheeks heat up as you giggled. Hyunjin always had a way of bringing the conversation back to the baby, “Yes, it'll be good for them, too,” you agreed softly as your eyes began to close as well. The day had been far too eventful for your liking, and you'd like at least one full night of rest before having to tell Hyunjin about your conversation with Minho.

Suddenly, your ears perked up at the sound of the bedroom door creaking open ever so slightly. Hyunjin reacted instantly, pulling you close as he sat up to see who had come in.

“Papa…? Mama…?”

Naeun’s sleepy voice was soft and almost inaudible, but Hyunjin let out a sigh, relaxing as he could make out the little figure of his daughter standing at the door.

“Naeun, what’s wrong?” He asked gently, beckoning her over to his side of the bed, “It’s way past your bedtime.”

“I-i—” The little girl rubbed her heavy eyes as she waddled over to her father as she began to whimper, “I had a bad dweam, P-papa.”

Hyunjin’s heart and yours simultaneously melted as a silent agreement passed between the two of you. The priority was no longer to get a good night's sleep; it was your daughter’s comfort.

“Oh, petal. Was it scary?” Hyunjin cooed, reaching down and easily picking her up, settling her in the large bed. He placed her right in the middle, and you rolled over to your side so you could gently wipe her tears.

Naeun nodded at his words, her lips curled in a trembling pout, “Scawy. C-couldn’t find Mama—a-and people saying that Papa was gone…” Her lip quivered again and she began to cry just from remembering the awful images that passed through her head.

“Shh, shh. Oh, dear,” Hyunjin quickly grabbed a spare handkerchief on the night stand beside his bed as you sat up, murmuring comforting words as you cupped Naeun's cheeks gently. 

“Naeun, my little princess,” you said softly, looking into her sparkling eyes as large crocodile tears rolled down her cheeks, “Mama and Papa are right here. We'll always be here for you, alright? No matter what happens, your Mama and Papa would never, ever abandon you like that.”

The little girl sniffled as Hyunjin wiped away her tears, smiling fondly, “Your mother said it best, petal. No matter what, we'll be here to support you, protect you, and love you until you've grown sick of our coddling.” 

Hyunjin couldn't help but add in a little teasing, booping her nose as he said, “Even after you grow sick of us, we'll still stick annoyingly close.”

Naeun scrunched her nose as she always did when hyunjin messed with her, and she frowned, “I won't ever get sick of Papa and Mama. Never!”

“Oh, one day, you'll take those words back,” you added playfully as you tickled Naeun's little tummy, making her squeal with delight and effectively drawing the nightmare out of her immediate thoughts. Hyunjin joined in, tag teaming your poor daughter until she was too exhausted to keep her eyes open. 

"Love Papa... Love Mama," Naeun mumbled sleepily as she curled into the warm blankets, beginning to fall asleep. You smiled at her words, pressing a kiss to her hair. 

"Mama and Papa love you more than anything else in the whole world," you reassured her, brushing the stray hairs out of her face, "Get some sleep, little one.  Nothing can hurt you here." 

Naeun mumbled in acknowledgment, and her little hands wrapped around Hyunjin’s pinky, making her father’s heart positively melt, “Papa...sing.”

“Sing?” He repeated, slightly flustered as he shifted to a more comfortable position, making sure that Naeun was still able to hold onto his pinky. 

“Mhm, Papa sing,” Naeun nodded as she curled up into a little ball, bringing Hyunjin's hand to her chest as she began to doze off on her own.

You couldn't help but giggle as you burrowed into the covers as well, wrapping a gentle around your daughter as you smiled up at Hyunjin, “Won't you honor a princess’s request?” You teased.

Hyunjin pouted at you, scrunching his nose much like how Naeun had done only minutes before, “But I'm the king,” he said petulantly, making Naeun giggle at his antics, “I can do whatever I want!”

“Well, your Queen is now requesting a song as well,” you said with an air of playful haughtiness as Naeun and you shared a conspiratorial glance.

“Oh dear,” Hyunjin ran a hand through his hair, “then, I believe I don't have a choice if my Queen and my Princess so insist.”

“You don't!” Naeun chirped in, her eyes twinkling mischievously.

Hyunjin let out a dramatic sigh before propping himself up against the headboard and pulling Naeun into his chest so she could rest comfortably in his arms. He didn't forget you, of course, and laced his fingers with yours as you decided not to move around as much, resting on your side of the bed as you held his hand.

The sound of soft-spoken singing wafted into your ears like a gentle breeze. Hyunjin, albeit not a professional in any way, always had a nice voice. It was the kind of voice that could lull you into relaxation, the kind of voice that soothed your unsettled heart. Before long, your eyes grew too heavy to keep open, and you drifted off to sleep with your hand wrapped around Hyunjin’s.

Hyunjin gazed down at his family as he slowly stopped singing, noticing that the two of you had fallen asleep. Without the prying eyes of the world boring down on him, he could finally drop his guard and his cold exterior to fully admire the two people he loved, the little girl in his arms that he treasured so dearly and you, the love of his life that showed him what it truly meant to have a soulmate, a person to confide in wholeheartedly. 

It was his little personal heaven, just to see the two of you sleeping safe and sound, to lie in bed with both his daughter and his wife just at arm's reach. He savored it as much as he could, squeezing your hand once more before putting down himself, pulling the warm covers higher over Naeun to keep her healthy. And not for the first time, Hyunjin wistfully dreamed of a life where he was not the king, where he could be a simple man, only tasked to provide and love his family. 

Hyunjin knew he would be asking for too much. He knew what the two of you had promised to those that had put their faith in your hands. You'd promised to protect them, to wear the crown and carry the burdens of your kingdom, no matter how bruised, bloodied or battered the journey made you. 

But as he stared down at your peaceful expression, your lips slightly parted and your eyes fluttered shut, he couldn't help but remember the terror he felt just hours before, the all consuming fear that you would disappear from his life. And for the first time, Hyunjin was at a loss, facing a crossroad that—in the naivety of his youth—he never thought he’d encounter.

If he had to choose between you or his country, what would he do? If he had to protect the integrity of his kingdom and sacrifice Naeun, would he be able to do it? Before you came along, Hyunjin cared about nothing but his work, his duty. But now, he had a family that he'd do anything to protect.

At the party, Hyunjin felt anger like he'd never felt before in his life. It was more than fury, it was pure rage. He would've been willing to lock the doors and interrogate every single person present in the banquet hall if you hadn't calmed him down. He didn't want to become a king like that, he didn't want to become a ruler than put his own needs and his family’s needs before everything else. 

But if he lost you, if he lost Naeun, if he lost his unborn child, his whole world would shatter. It was almost terrifying how much the past five years had changed him. 

“Hyunjin,” his eyes flew open as he suddenly felt your thumb brush against the back of your hand. Turning his head, he realized that you had woken up, your eyes gazing at him with a mixture of sympathy and love that Hyunjin wanted to drown in.

“You're thinking too much again,” you murmured sleepily, playing absently with his fingers without jostling Naeun, “At this point, you'll have wrinkles before you're even middle aged.”

The king couldn't help but chuckle at your little quip, pressing a kiss to your hand, “I'm sorry, my love. Did I wake you?”

“No, I woke up on my own,” you reassured him, “But I'm glad I did. What's wrong, darling?”

Hyunjin bit his lip, hesitating for a moment. He shouldn't bother you with his feelings, not when you already had to worry about yourself on top of the baby you were carrying. 

“Hyunjin,” you murmured his name once more, and he felt his body shudder at how sweet, how loving you sounded, “You can tell me anything.” 

It was the only gentle nudge he needed.

“I'm worried about this,” Hyunjin said softly, “Our family. I can't stop worrying. I didn't know about the poison, even though all the food and drinks were inspected. When will it ever be enough?”

You squeezed his hand, “You're putting too much responsibility on yourself. The family’s safety is not your burden to bear alone, it is for us to share.”

Hyunjin nodded, “I know,” he sighed, running a hand through his midnight hair, “I know, Y/N. But I just wish I could do more.”

“You do more than enough for us, darling,” you reassured him, “You do more than any king would do for their families. It's alright, Hyunjin. You're doing so well.”

“I am?” Hyunjin sucked in a breath, placing your hand on his cheek as he closed his eyes, revelling in your words and your presence. 

“You are.”

These were not honey coated words to soothe a monarch and appease his temper. You meant them more than you could ever express. You knew Hyunjin was trying his best. You knew Hyunjin was most likely protecting you from forces that you weren't even aware of, just like the way you'd dealt with Minho just earlier. 

“I found out who did it, by the way,” you mumbled, figuring that this felt like the right time to tell him in hopes that Hyunjin might sleep better knowing that the problem was dealt with.

There was a moment of deathly silence before Hyunjin uttered a single word, "Who?" 

You sighed. Maybe this wasn't the best idea after all, especially since your daughter was soundly sleeping in the space between the both of you, "Promise that you won't do anything rash right now." 

"You're asking me not to do anything rash when I find out who tried to murder my unborn child and harm my wife?" Hyunjin asked in disbelief. 

“I'm asking you not to overreact now while your daughter is sleeping," you hissed back, "I handled it for the time being." 

Hyunjin let out a frustrated sigh, "Alright, you win. You have my word,” he said, lacing his fingers with yours.

You bit your lip, wondering if it would just be easier to be completely honest or to ease into it gently. After a moment of consideration, you decided on the former. 

“It’s Minho.”

Hyunjin reacted without thinking, feeling the rage run through his veins once again as he began to sit up, “That bastard--”

As he shifted aggressively, Naeun whined in her sleep, beginning to squirm. You wrapped your arm around her body as your other hand grabbed Hyunjin’s sleeve, “You promised!”

Hyunjin’s steeled eyes softened as he looked down at the little girl beside him, and he slumped back on the bed, pressed a kiss to her forehead and rubbing her back, helping soothe her back to a deep sleep, “I should’ve gotten rid of him earlier. I knew he disliked your presence, but I thought--I thought he’d be able to see past the differences.”

“As did I,” you admitted, running your fingers gently through Naeun’s hair as her whimpers stopped and slowly went back to soft breaths, “but it seems like he disappointed both of us.” 

The king sighed tiredly, feeling the rest of his fiery hot anger dissipate as he turned to lie on his side, his eyes trained on Naeun as he made sure she was asleep, “You said you handled it. Let me guess, it was when you ‘went for a walk.’” 

“You know me too well,” Flicking his forehead playfully, you couldn’t help but smile, “Yes, we had a quick conversation as I was walking back to the chambers. I don’t believe he will try it again any time soon.”

“I would ask what you told him, but I almost don’t want to know,” Hyunjin said with a hint of a smile as he closed his eyes, “My wife can be very scary when she wants to be.”

You shrugged, stroking his cheek fondly for a moment longer before pulling your hand away and lying back down, “I’m the same as you, Jinnie. Anything to protect this family we’ve created.”

Hyunjin hummed in agreement, his long arm draping over to wrap around both you and Naeun, “Anything. But for now, let’s sleep. Thank you, Y/N.”

“Whatever for?” You asked curiously, unsure of what Hyunjin was thinking about in that little head of his. 

“For being here. For loving me. For everything you do,” he mumbled, already beginning to fall asleep    as his words began to slur. Your heart felt warm and fluttery as you smiled, patting the back of his hand as you mumbled your sleepy reply.

“I’ll always be here for you, Jinnie. You’re not alone anymore.”

Hyunjin cracked a smile at that, and hugged you and Naeun ever so slightly tighter in his arms. You were right. He wasn’t alone anymore. He had you and Naeun, whom he loved with every fiber of his being. He had Changbin and Felix, who were slowly becoming less like guards and more like their surrogate family. 

And for all those reasons, Hwang Hyunjin fell asleep considering himself quite lucky. 

[mrsbrekkers]

Hello

I LOVED companionable silence, thank you very much!!

Can I request another one? Maybe a Jesper Fahey imagine? The reader is a part of the Dregs and Kaz trusts her and is like a brother but she has a rivalry with Jesper and he's jealous that Kaz trusts her but he finds the truth behind it. Maybe Kaz saved her from something.

Hope that made sense. Thank you <3

hello there friend! and of course! i had a LOT of fun writing for kaz :) and i adore writing for jesper, so this came to me pretty easily which is nice because for the past 3 days i had been on other requests that didn't give me inspo

this is really just the crows becoming annoyed at the bickering that reader and jesper do and locking them in a fridge to think out their bickering ways LMAO

reader is they/them as per usual in my jesper fics!

pairings! jesper x reader ( romantically implied ) / kaz x reader ( platonic ) / kaz x inej / nina x matthias all implied

warnings! none? swearing, all of the crows being done with reader and jesper being annoying, but also crows shipping reader and jesper haha

words! 3152

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

Fighting for the affection of Kaz Brekker was something Jesper Fahey never thought would happen. Maybe it wasn’t affection, but rather admiration? Trust? Whatever it was, he found himself seeking it, and Y/N was getting in his damned way. They’d joined the Dregs and instantly it felt like he’d been replaced. The rivalry started there, and slowly, over time, it became something the Crows dreaded. Especially when Kaz would purposefully pair the two together.

Which, in Jesper’s humble opinion? Was incredibly stupid.

“Who’s this?” Jesper asked Kaz, who had walked into a relatively slow day at the Crow Club, someone in tow behind him. It wasn’t unlike Kaz to bring in new Dreg members every once in a while. Actually, it was almost every week at this point. He had his ways.

“The newest Crow,” Kaz said, glancing back at the shadow behind him, nodding slightly. Watching the newest crow step forward, their eyes landed on Jesper first.

“Y/N,” was all they said, eyes scanning all of the crows. It was clear the Crows were a bit confused. What had enticed their boss to bring someone new in? Were they going to be working on a new job?

“What special ability do they have?” Nina asked. Knowing their boss, he didn’t bring in anybody that was like someone else they had. What would be the point?

“Super senses. Hearing, sight, smell, all of it, is heightened,” Y/N responded, stepping in front of Kaz, finally getting a full view of the other five Crows surrounding the room. It was clear to them that they were a bit confused, as anyone would be.

“You’re Grisha then?” Jesper asked, to which Y/N tilted their head in thought. Technically, yes, but a Grisha without a color, and one who’d never been seen or heard about before.

“Yes, but my Grisha kind doesn’t have a name, nor does it have any history.”

From there, Jesper wasn’t sure what initiated the rivalry. He could easily say that it was the fact that he missed being Kaz’s right hand. But he also didn’t enjoy Y/N’s constant critiquing of how he would do on jobs. Then again, he did the same. It was a constant back and forth between the two. The two could barely do anything together. They found themselves bickering over the smallest incidents. One was late to their post? Bickering. One had won a hand of cards? Bickering. One had drunk the orange juice meant for one of them? Bickering, bickering, bickering. The team was sick of it. They heard it every day, and it was pushing them all to the edge.

“What even started this?” Inej asked, causing the Crows to all look at her, all except Jesper and Y/N, who were staring at one another, narrow eyed. The other Crows murmured in agreement, watching the two seemingly have a staring contest.

Kaz then entered the room, seeing the usual staring contest that happened daily. “They’re fighting again?” He inquired, his eyes rolling at how childish the two acted. The rest of the crows nodded, looking over at their boss, who ran a gloved hand down his face. He didn’t believe in team building exercises, that's what heists were for. But the Crows were at their breaking point, including himself.

Bringing Y/N onto the team hadn’t been much of a conscious decision at first, but after saving them from almost dying, as he had most of the Crows, he felt they’d be useful. Not just that, but he’d known Y/N for almost as long as he had Inej. They were a close friend, and he felt that after some time, years to be exact, that they should meet the Crows. He talked about them with Y/N all the time. Hell, they often were helping behind the scenes when it came to heists. They’d unknowingly saved the Crows dozens of times. Mainly because of their heightened hearing, and what Pekka Rollins believed was his agent, was actually Kaz’s agent.

Kaz didn’t expect this to happen. For a rivalry to bloom from meeting Y/N. Sure, he expected some amount of teasing, they were the Crows after all. Being a part of the group meant being teased for something, but a full out war between two people? Over him? He rarely found any amount of quiet anymore. He was at his breaking point.

Which led to the current situation at hand. Inej had proposed the idea; lock Y/N and Jesper into a room of sorts and make them situate their differences. It sounded childish at first, but after the recent fight the two had? He didn’t think it was any more childish than the two fighting was.

“Is this seriously what you’re mad about? Me drinking your orange juice Jesper?!” Y/N yelled across the Crow Club, directing most of the players' attention onto them. They casted a glare across the Club, only deterring a few onlookers from their staring problem.

“It was MINE! It had MY name on it Y/N! Not yours! Jesper Fahey was written across the front of it! You did this on purpose!” Jesper yelled back, crossing his arms as he stormed across the Club, ready to confront Y/N head on.

“I didn’t see the name, and even if I had, why would you leave it in the Club fridge?! It’s not Jesper Fahey’s fridge. Frankly, it’s the Club’s fridge, making it a free game!” Y/N stormed forward as well, eyes directly looking into Jesper’s, but before they could come face to face, the Crow head of Kaz’s cane came between them.

“Seriously? Is this what Inej has to come and tell me you’re arguing about?” Kaz asked, eyebrows raised expectantly. The Dregs were losing customers because of the two now, and frankly, Kaz wasn’t going to have that. Especially since, when he lost, Pekka Rollins benefitted.

“It’s because they drank my orange juice, Kaz. If anyone did the same to you, you’d be pretty upset! Not only that, they did it on purpose! They’re trying to get a rise out of me.” Jesper now looked at his boss, expecting the man to take his side, but Kaz simply rolled his eyes, huffing.

“And you certainly let them, didn’t you?” Kaz challenged, looking directly at Jesper with a tilted head.

Now Y/N and Jesper were stuck in the Crow Club freezer, which had been warmed just slightly, and blankets were left in the back just in case it became too cold.

“You two are going to figure out your shit, and then we’ll let you out. You can’t lie your way out either, Nina here is going to make sure of it,” Kaz spoke, the door locked and a smirk lie on his lips. He wouldn’t let the two freeze, but they’d be back in that freezer every day until they figured out why they were arguing, that was a promise he’d keep.

“What the hell Kaz?!” Jesper and Y/N said in unison, glaring the man down. But he was already limping away, planning on enjoying the silence he’d have in his office for once. No worries about hearing Y/N and Jesper down in the Crow Club arguing over orange juice.

Y/N turned to the back of the freezer, they’re anger rising as they huffed and shook their head. “This?!” They gestured around them, grabbing the blankets in the back, planning on hoaging them. “Is your fault,” they slid down the freezer wall, now wrapped in the two blankets.

“Give me one of those you blanket hog,” Jesper snatched one of the blankets, watching Y/N shiver for a moment before they went back to glaring at Jesper. Sliding down the opposite wall, the two glared at one another. Jesper couldn’t remember the moment he’d felt threatened by Y/N. He hadn’t known about them until Kaz had introduced them to the Crows. So maybe it irked him that the man he worked for had so many secrets, which wasn’t something Jesper didn’t know about before.

Kaz had too many secrets for Jesper to count. He could compile a list twenty miles long if he truly tried. The matter for Jesper was that one of those secrets was someone that could’ve been helping them from the get go. Someone that had been helping under the veil of secrecy. Someone Kaz would go to that wasn’t Inej and none of Crows were in the know of it. It involved someone Jesper didn’t know. Someone he didn’t trust, and now he was blaming Y/N for it.

Not just that, but Jesper wasn’t used to not being the right hand man. Because despite what Kaz would say out loud, he did trust Jesper, more than a lot of people. It seemed that trust was shared with someone Jesper didn’t know, which also irked him. He could trust Inej: he did trust Inej. He however, didn’t trust Y/N. Or . . . he did, in life or death scenarios. Because despite their rivalry, they’d saved him from dying several times, and vice versa.

“Jesper, behind you!” Y/N yelled, seeing a man lifting his gun behind Jesper, but Jesper was quicker. Pulling his gun out, he turned, shooting the man in the hand, making him drop the gun, and then a second bullet through the man's head. He glanced back, seeing Y/N walk up behind him, looking down at the man who’d almost ended their lives, and the heist they were on.

“Thanks, I owe you one,” Jesper managed to get out, his heart racing. Maybe it was because of the job. The adrenaline he got from it. Or maybe, it was because of Y/N saving him. “I knew you cared,” he decided to tease, smirking just slightly.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, sharpshooter. Simply didn’t want Kaz killing me for letting someone kill you,” Y/N covered, glancing up at Jesper and scoffing as they saw the smirk. Elbowing him in his ribs, they walked off, ready to gather the information they needed.

Y/N narrowed their eyes as they looked at Jesper, their mind racing. What started the rivalry for them? They blamed Jesper for starting it. They’d come in open minded, he had closed minded. Now it’d evolved into daily bickering. But even Y/N could admit that Jesper was a necessary part of this team. He’d saved them several times, and not just during missions, but outside of such as well.

A kick landed to their face, and then to their abdomen, knocking them down. Y/N was a good enough fighter, but they couldn’t hold their own against two men bigger than them. Plus, they were outnumbered without their usual weapon. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

“Y/N, I swear if you-” but Jesper turned the corner, seeing them down on the ground, going eye-wide when his eyes met the two men above them. His hands found his guns, lifting them out of their holsters. The two men heard the small sounds of the guns, turning to see they were both at gunpoint.

“I doubt you want a bullet in your neck,” was all Jesper said before watching them scurry off. He quickly holstered his guns, rushing over to Y/N and picking them up. They were out cold, having passed out some time between the kick to their face and abdomen. When they did start waking, it was in the slat, laying on a bed that wasn’t theirs, Jesper above them.

“What happened?” They asked, Jesper huffing as he brushed a few strands of hair out of their face, trying to get to a bruise on their cheek.

“You were jumped,” Jesper said quietly, placing the warm rag against their cheek. Y/N hummed in acknowledgment to the rag, taking it into their hands to hold, but Jesper batted their hand away.

“Go figures,” Y/N murmured, closing their eyes once more. They leaned into the rag, craving the warmth. They felt the slightest touch of Jesper’s fingers graze their cheek, a small smile gracing their lips.

“You do care.” Jesper did care, but he simply hummed in acknowledgment just as Y/N had below him moments before.

“Get some rest.”

“But your bed-”

“I don’t plan on using it tonight, business to attend to,” Jesper cut Y/N off.

“You sound like Kaz,” Y/N laughed just slightly, but winced in pain at the pain in their ribs. The men had broken one or two of them for sure.

“Never say that about me again,” Jesper chuckled, watching as Y/N dozed off, clearly exhausted and in pain. It was better for them not to know what Jesper had planned. He wasn’t going to let the men get away with this, but for once, he didn’t think a quick death was worthy. They’d hurt Y/N. But it wasn’t like he cared that much? Did he?

“Why do you hate me?” Y/N asked, their eyes on Jesper in the freezer across from them.

“Why do you hate me?” Jesper asked back, his eyes narrowing on the bundled Grisha. Heightened senses likely made them a little colder than he was currently. Maybe they hadn’t taken the second blanket to spite him. Or they had, but with their own health taken into account.

“I asked first,” Y/N responded, pulling the blanket around them tighter.

“Well there's drinking and eating my food. Being rude during jobs. Flirting with every person in sight-”

“You do that too, Jesper, that isn’t just a me thing,” Y/N pointed out, raising an eyebrow. Was that really a reason he hated them? No, that was a stupid reason to hate someone.

“See, I do it with flair, you do not.” Jesper wasn’t sure why he hated them. His reasons were stupid. They were cover ups, and he knew it. He knew he didn’t hate Y/N. How could anyone hate them? Despite everything, they’d been kind at the beginning.

“That’s stupid, Jesper! Come on now!”

“It isn’t stupid!”

“Yes it is! I don’t hate you because of it!”

“I don’t hate you!” Jesper blurted out, and Y/N simply tilted their head in question, now rendered silent. That was a new one. Y/N L/N silent. Jesper almost commented on it, but he knew now was not the time. He’d tease them about it later when he wasn’t under fire for hating someone he didn’t hate.

“I simply am . . . jealous maybe? Is that the right word for this? Envious?” Jesper was now running a hand down his face, placing his head in the same hand moments later.

“Jealous? What is there to be jealous of?” Y/N asked, laughing a bit. Their life had been horrible. Everyone’s life in the Barrel was pretty shitty to say the least. To get here it also had to be pretty shitty, or you got pulled into it like Jesper had. Still, jealous?

“Your damned relationship with Kaz. I don’t understand it. You waltzed in and were his best friend from the start. Which told me you knew him before I did. Maybe that frightened me because I was now replaceable by this amazing person. Because you have to be pretty fucking amazing to be Kaz Brekker’s best friend,” Jesper ranted, watching Y/N’s lips pull up into a smile.

“He saved me, Jesper. I met him months after Inej, and just months before you met him. I was down pretty bad in the Barrel, and I was using my heightened senses to steal from different clubs. I had to travel around to make sure I wasn’t caught, but Kaz wasn’t stupid. Every time I’d come in he knew, and one day, he stopped me.”

“You’re stealing,” The Bastard of the Barrel spoke, Y/N opposite of his desk, sitting.

“I am not.”

“You’re cheating. You’ve been here every Friday night, because you know it’s when the tables are easiest to play. You’re Grisha, I observed that when I first saw you. I’d assume Heartrender based on your play. You use it to know when people are lying, and you switch tables every ten minutes to the highest bidding table, and you win Every. Time. You also swipe money when nobody's looking, I know that trick like the back of my hand,” Kaz spoke, leaning over the desk, watching the Grisha go eye wide.

But Kaz stalled for a few moments. For a moment, he saw himself in their eyes, and that’s all it took for the Bastard of the Barrel to stop leaning forward and sit back in his chair. Pointing for his men to leave the room, he glanced over Y/N.

“I’m not doing it because I enjoy it,” Y/N spoke, sucking in a frightened breath. They felt squeamish in their seat, as if they were going to be killed at any moment, but then the men left, and they felt just slightly better.

“I know,” and that was Kaz had let on about it, but Y/N saw the look in his eyes, and they knew it all too well. He’d been at a point like this before as well, except the getting caught part. That was something Kaz never dealt with was being caught. Maybe in those moments sitting across from Y/N, he’d wished he had been, but nobody would’ve been merciful. Not like he was. He would’ve been killed, and he’d already been taught that strangers in Ketterdam weren’t kind. But that day he showed just some kindness.

“He saved you like the rest of us,” Jesper inquired, sighing. How had he been so blind? His jealousy had made him an asshole. A jealous asshole who couldn’t think about anything other than said jealousy. “I’m sorry,” he added, glancing up at Y/N now, seeing them shake their head.

“I’m sorry too. I’ve been an ass as well. We both have,” Y/N said, shivering a bit more. Jesper moved, going to sit next to Y/N and give them the blanket he had.

“You had every right to be an ass, Y/N. I was being an ass to you about everything, you were simply repaying the favor,” Jesper said with a small laugh. He pulled Y/N into his shoulder.

“So, you don’t hate me either?” Jesper asked then, looking down at Y/N.

“Not one bit,” Y/N let out a laugh.

Nina then busted through the door, clapping. “Finally! No more bickering!” She exclaimed, bending down in front of Y/N and Jesper, glancing between the two of them.

Jesper simply nodded, looking down at Y/N and lifting them up, carrying them out of the freezer. The rest of the Crows watched, confusion locked on their features. What had changed in such a short amount of time? What had Y/N told Jesper to make him stop hating them?

“What the hell?” Inej whispered, crossing her arms.

“Ten Kruge they get together by the end of the week,” Wylan spoke, hand out for an agreement with Inej, who looked over at Wylan, smirking.

“Twenty it takes them less than three days,” Inej raised a brow.

“You’re on,” Wylan said, his hand shaking Inej’s.