#War of the roses

[notmaplemable]

Artic Fox Weiss: You should choose me as your mate.

Wolf Ruby: No, pick me!

Jaune: I don't know.

Weiss: Have you considered this? *cute yip*

Jaune: Aww.

Ruby: But what about this! *puppy dog eyes*

Jaune: Awwww.

Weiss: So?

Ruby: Which one of us do you pick?

Jaune: ...

Jaune: ...

Jaune: ...I can't pick one.

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

Ruby: Have you ever smelled Jaune when he uses his semblance?

Jaune: I have a smell when I use my semblance?

Weiss: Oh my gods I thought I was the only one.

Jaune: WTFuck?

Weiss: It’s like lemons and caramelized sugar. Like something sweet being torched but gently.

Ruby: And ozone too. Like you’re standing next to a thunderbolt. Only you’re a person.

Jaune: And this is a good thing?

Ruby: You can taste it. It tastes so good.

Jaune: Huh.

Weiss: I’m so glad you brought this up. I thought I was losing my marbles.

[winterprince601]

very funny to me that grrm went "here is my geopolitical fantasy epic loosely based on the war of the roses. i've elevated the fraught family dynamics, elaborated the dynastic tensions and imbued the entire thing with a magical dimension that pushes the action into the mythic. what are the names of the feuding houses that started it all? uhhhh (looking at smudged writing on hand that reads: york vs lancaster) stark and lannister. one of them is in the north. another features a vilified disabled man but ohoho it's not the one you'd expect!"

[rwac96]

My Dress Up Heiress: Teacher's Pet by MallowYallow

(source)

[anjoperario]

"I have seen the future, and it is all battlefields and broken dreams." - THE SUNNE IN SPLENDOUR by Sharon Kay Penman

[blueberry-bubbles130]

We are back for another historical hypothetical folks!

And this time it is:

Think of it as a Midsomer Murders/Clue style thing.

I don’t have an answer for who the victim is. You can choose anyone you want, for the victim.

[brokentrafficknight]

Winter: Penny being a part of my soul has nothing to do with my attraction. Even if I want Jaune to protect me and constantly hug Ruby, that's proof of nothing.

[howlingday]

Savior?

Ruby: We came as soon as we could! Is he okay?!

Weiss: What happened?

Yang: The doctors say he's fine now. He just needs to stay a couple of nights so he can recover.

Weiss: What happened, though?

Yang: ...

Ruby: (Covers mouth) Oh my god...

Yang: I'm sorry, Rubes.

Ruby: It's fine. I'm... I'm just glad you got him to the hospital in time.

Yang: Yeah, lucky.

Weiss: ...

Ruby: Can we go see him?

Yang: Yeah, just ask the lady at the desk.

Ruby: Okay! You coming, Weiss?

Weiss: In a bit. I need to speak to Yang for a moment.

Ruby: Okay. Take your time. (Pecks cheek, Walks away)

Yang: ...What's up, Weiss-

Weiss: What were you doing at Jaune's?

Yang: Straight to the point, huh?

Weiss: Yes. Now answer me.

Yang: I was going to... talk... to him.

Weiss: Talk to him how? About what?

Yang: Why are you grilling me all of a sudden?

Weiss: Because between you and an Ursa, I'd trust the Grimm to be nicer to Jaune.

Yang: Ouch.

Weiss: You literally beat him to a pulp after he and Ruby had sex. She was afraid to tell you because she knew how you'd react!

Yang: Oh, so suddenly I'm the bad guy because I don't want some dopehead knocking up my sister?!

Weiss: That is not the issue, Yang, and it doesn't answer my question. Why were you at Jaune's?

Yang: I was trying to make him break up with Ruby!

Weiss: Oh... Yang...

Yang: Don't give me that! He's a danger to himself and the last thing I want is him getting Ruby hurt, too!

Weiss: That is not for you to decide, Yang! Just because you're her sister doesn't mean you get to decide who she dates, let alone put her boyfriend in the hospital!

Yang: I didn't put him in the hospital! I mean, I brought him here, but- I didn't put him here! I didn't! I... I didn't...

Weiss: ...Yang?

Yang: ...When I got to his place, his door was unlocked. I walked in, looking for him, and then I found him lying there. I saw the empty bottle next to him and I grabbed him. I called the hospital, and I carried him outside. As I brought him outside, he...

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Yeng...

Yang: Jaune! Just- Just hang in there, okay? You're gonna be okay!.

Jaune: Err... Err you happy... Yeng?.

Yang: Happy? What the hell are you talking about?!.

Weeeeeeeeeeeee-ooooooooooooooooh~!

Yang: Oh, thank the Brothers...

Jaune: I hope yer...

Yang: Jaune...? JAUNE!.

--------------------------------------------------

Yang: One freaked out ride to the hospital later and I called you guys.

Weiss: You saved Jaune.

Yang: No, I didn't. I... I was the one who almost got him killed. Sure, he took the pills, but I was the who pushed him to it. I... I'm such an asshole.

Weiss: ...Yes, you are. You're a selfish asshole who beats people up because you're uncomfortable with their relationship to your sister.

Yang: ...

Weiss: BUT you are also the kind of person who doesn't sit around waiting when someone is in trouble. You could have left Jaune to die on the floor, but you didn't. You could have dropped him in the street and dusted off your hands, but you didn't. You could have just gone home and left him alone here, but you-

Yang: I get it, I get it! (Sighs) Still, I feel like shit. All this time I kept thinking, "Was it me this time? Did I push him to do this?"

Weiss: Do you think you did? Did you say anything?

Yang: Well... Not recently, but-

Weiss: Then I doubt it was you.

Yang: But- Whoa!

Weiss: (Hugging Yang) Thank you. Thank you so much for saving Jaune...

Yang: ... (Hugs back) You're welcome, Weiss.

Weiss: (Pulls away) But this doesn't mean you can keep beating him up just because he's dating your sister!

Yang: ...

Yang: Alright, fine... I'm gonna head home.

Weiss: Leaving already?

Yang: Yeah... I think I've done enough already.

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Ruby: Aw Weiss~ It's so cute that you gave you and Jaune a family in the Sims!

Weiss: Ruby! Why are you looking at my Game!

Ruby: I just wanted to know what was going on! I do want to know though - why am I your maid?

Weiss: What Do you mean?

Ruby: I mean, you made a character that's obviously me, but you have me dressed in a Maid outfit! I don't wanna take care of you and your four kids!

Weiss: Four kid-

Weiss: Yes. Mine and Jaune's four kids with you as our Maid. That is the Set up.

Ruby: ... *Moves mouse to Occupation Tab*

Weiss: Ruby wait!

Sim!Ruby's Occupation; Level 4 Astronaut

Weiss: ...

Ruby: ... That Maid dress isn't for my Job, Is it.

Weiss: No.

Ruby: All of those kids aren't your's and Jaune's?

Weiss: No, they are, but they're also ... Your's.

Ruby: ... I'm telling Jaune.

Weiss: No the hell you aren't!

Ruby: Let me tell Jaune and I'll put on a maid outfit for you.

Weiss: Yes the Hell you may!

[kindercelery]

What if our armies battled on Bosworth Field against each other hahaha jk… UNLESS

Was gonna save this for August 22nd but i’m an impatient little lass

[rodanhoax]

Blake: So... Who tops?

Ruby/Weiss: Me.

Blake: ?

R/W: ... Weiss/Ruby

Blake: ??

R/W: ... Jaune

Blake: ???

[notmaplemable]

*Shortly after the battle of Haven*

Ruby: Okay, Weiss. Even since we left Patch I've been Jaune's partner.

Weiss: And you would prefer to keep him as your partner? If so, I understand.

Ruby: No no no, you're still my bestie better than the restie.

Weiss: I sense a but coming.

Ruby: But Jaune's my best friend too, and he shouldn't be alone.

Weiss: Hmm, I agree.

Ruby: So I want to do a threesome.

Weiss: ...What?

Ruby: You know, like let's all be partners together. 3 partners. We'll be team... RWBY+J I guess.

Weiss: Oh. I would be open to a threesome with you and Jaune, in both senses of the word.

Ruby: ...Okay. Let's go ask him about it.

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

Jaune: You know Ruby and I couldn’t help but notice how lonely you looked.

Ruby: Mhmm and if you wanna do something about it just say the word.

Weiss: Great. Thanks.

*later*

Weiss: Oh my gods they were inviting me to a threesome! I’m going to get the worst grade possible in bisexuality.

Blake: I don’t know. I might have you beat.

Weiss: Ruby is so unbelievably drop dead gorgeous and Jaune tastes the way a thunderbolt smells. Ruby is from another planet. And the molecules in the air can’t help falling apart and recombining in Jaune’s presence.

Blake: You have it bad.

Weiss: I want them both inside me! 😭 Do you think it’s too late? Do I call them? Wait. They texted me in our group chat asking me if I made it back safe.

Blake: You have a group chat?

Weiss: Ruby’s memes are adorable and Jaune’s are esoteric, spooky, and holographic.

[spahhzy]

Ruby/Weiss: we could fix him (Jaune)!

Cinder: Please don't, it took a lot of work to fuck him up this bad.

[blueberry-bubbles130]

Alright everyone here’s a very stupid question!

Also yes. I have personally read fanfiction about every single one of these figures listed in the poll.

[brokentrafficknight]

Werner begging to Ruby to share Jeanne?