#Weird Al is a master bard

[sparkliest-bard-bracket]

✨Round 5: Match 1✨

(Finrod art by @elena-kukanova)

Finrod Propaganda:

He's pretty, he has excellent hair, and one time he almost won a rap battle with Sauron

Only elf to carry sparkly jewels across the death Ice, fought Sauron with a song

golden boy master harpist playing Songs of Power. also he died fighting werewolves which is pretty cool

'died fighting werewolves' does not do the situation justice sauron threw him to the wolves to die, and he took one out with him by ripping out its throat. with his teeth

"Weird Al" Yankovic Propaganda:

No one plays the accordian better than he

Woah woah woah if it's sparkly bards youre looking for then it's definitely Weird Al you need, he is both in abundance

[princesscolumbia]

So about the musical episode...

This is specifically geared to "Subspace Rhapsody," which if you haven't watched it shame on you go now and watch go go go go!!!

So by the end of the ep everything goes back to normal and it turns out the real musical ensemble was the friends we made along the way etc., but what if it didn't?!

Yes, there'd be immediate consequences; highly classified secrets getting out, relationships starting and ending, etc.

But humans adapt, and since the other species in the galaxy are the same kind of "fuck you, I'm surviving!" results of evolution, they'd all adapt, too.

First off, the big one: It'd be like that post where somehow Anakin and Obi-wan can hear the musical score an realize Palpatine is a sith lord; the bad guys would be outed, like, the SECOND their musical number started up. Khan would have been identified before the Enterprise even finished scanning the Botony Bay, the Prime Directive would have to get a big 'ol asterisk pointing to a clause describing the specific mathematical properties of different types of music the crew can expect to hear when approaching a potential first contact. Science experiments would be (metaphorically) killed on the spot because the "mad scientist" theme would start playing.

But a century on? Well, everyone would have adapted...

The Vulcans would have come up with an entirely new discipline; Rhythmic Logic. Rather akin to rap, it'd be syncopated speaking with periodic inflections to denote emphasis on certain points, and the passive aggressive sass levels would be off the CHARTS. Counterintuitive to most Vulcan training for centuries, to properly learn and master this new discipline, the Vulcans would need to induce moments of high emotion to properly initiate the musical triggering conditions, but once started their logic and ability to freestyle would then be put to use to focus and direct the song.

Andorians would be less about the singing and more about choreography. Their troop movements would be works of martial art and their ability to synchronize with each other during operations (any operation, whether medical, business, black-ops, etc.) would be legendary throughout the galaxy. When xenoanthropologists start proposing theories, the truth is swiftly buried for the sanity of the galaxy; since the "musical universe" is based on human musicals, Andorian affinity for good choreography is rooted in figure skating.

Tellarites would unabashedly embrace Weird Al as a sort-of prophet/god once they figured out that parody is the sincerest form of insult. Whatever musical number you're performing, the Tellarites will ride on top of it and twist it in crass ways until the song they sing drowns out whatever they're parodying and is considered the superior work. This, amusingly, results in relations between Tellar and Earth to improve as "bards" of both races across every strata of society compete to see who can make the better parody.

Romulans would lean into the villain pieces, like, unironically. Go to a diplomatic party on Romulus and you're beset by a massive orchestral work of interweaving harmonies as a melody of every big number and quiet ballad are melded together in a symphony of intrigue, emotion, politics, and betrayal. Yes, there's good Romulans, but because their music is JUST as "villainous" as the heroes, it's nearly impossible to tell them apart. Somewhat ironically, it's That One Romulan who only sings spritely songs in a major key that turns out to be the baddest, most lethal Romulan of all.

Klingon society would fracture into new houses based on musical style. The "Old Guard" would be the Klingons who break out into Klingon Opera on the regular. K-pop would be known for being vicious berserkers. Shakespere may be beloved by the Klingons, but the Soviet Anthems would become THE way to unify the Klingons during the "cold war" era.

Once the effect stretched into the Delta Quadrant (nobody in the quadrant knows why they've suddenly started breaking into song, and it isn't until well after Voyager returns home that someone in a university history department is given access to the full history of the Borg's interaction with Starfleet that they realize that it was Q launching the Enterprise D into the Delta Quadrant that created the contact), the Hirogen would come to be known for their absolutely epic power-metal ballads. Their "hunting axes" would become some variety of electric guitar almost overnight.

Because Voyager's crew had grown up with the "random" musicals, Voyager has a leg up on the entire Delta Quadrant, further solidifying Janeway as an unmitigated badass when she uses her absolute mastery of the musical forms to kick ass in every genre.

Cultures that had been introduced to warp flight badly (turns out the Federation had the right idea with the Prime Directive, just not for reasons that anyone could have ever predicted) can always be identified as being...cut rate. It'd be like going from a Broadway Musical production of Hamilton to encountering that one "Christian" production where they butchered the lyrics and the "b-list" actors were the best they could get.

Cardasians would be all about the martial themes. Even their counterculture movements would be all about the percussion-heavy 4:4 musical numbers.

Bajorans would be split between Broadway Musical-style numbers that seem to take inspiration from plays like "West Side Story" and Epic Battle Hymns sung by every Bajoran involved in a given conflict that reach deep into your soul and make you feel simultaneously victorious and deeply sad for reasons you can't quite identify.

The Borg would be EDM for some reason. Nobody is quite sure why.

Even the species that sent the whale probe in the 23rd century wouldn't be spared. Dubstep...dubstep everywhere!

Section 31 and the Tal Shiar would be in a black-ops weapons race to see who can weaponize the musicals the most effectively.

Time travelers would have a blast. Turns out the big reason for the Temporal Cold War was to stop a massive Temporal Prime Directive violating wave of time tourists who just want to go back to a time before musicals were a fact of life. Mariner and Boimler wouldn't even realize they hadn't broken out into song once until they returned to the 24th century.

Humans would be driving everyone nuts. A species that had adapted to using Rent-style musical numbers to form social collectives that were so "in-crowd" that nobody else could even think of joining would suddenly find this one asshole human that picked up on it and was fitting in perfectly. Klingon slasher ballads would be met with children's cartoon bubbly pop music. Andorians would be simultaneously overjoyed at having companions that could work so perfectly with them and appalled that another species dared to get on the ice with them.

The only beings immune to the whole thing would be the Q. The reason Q was the one interacting with Picard? He's the only Q that can stand the whole universe turning into a musical! He's "the band nerd" in Q high school, the one that'll break into a situationally appropriate musical hit number from that one Broadway play when nobody wants to hear you singing Q! Q doesn't have to sing like the lesser species, but by golly he WANTS to and he's GONNA!

[abybweisse]

Hi! I've been following the manga's story for a long while but I'll admit I always get confused in regards to the whole blood and Lord thing,,,like, I can follow the plot when it comes to Bards or Mey Rins backstory, but once it gets to the whole blood thing I feel so lost. By any chance do you think you can summarize the blood and Lord plots? Like, who are they and what's important about the Lord's and what's up with the importance for blood and how does that connect back into the main plot....I'm sorry if its asking for a lot but I always love reading your chapter analysis' and was just hoping if you could summarize the current plot,,,in all honesty I think I lost the plot around the Mey rin chapters,,,I've been skimming everything else afterwards but I feel like I lost a lot of important info doing so

The whole lords and blood thing

Summaries are not exactly my strong suit. 😂

But I'll see what I can do. Maybe it would be best if I answer the individual questions here.

Who are they?

The "lords of the stars" are apparently four individuals picked by Undertaker to represent the four blood types, according to the ABO blood grouping system. How each one was selected isn't yet known, except for Lord Sirius.

Lord Sirius is real Ciel, but now that he's framing his younger brother for all the crimes he and his cohorts have committed, he's now got everyone around him calling our earl "Lord Sirius"... while real Ciel now wants to be called Lord Ciel. Real Ciel was selected because Undertaker was completely fed-up with losing Phantomhives (for a so-far undisclosed reason, but I think he's the twins' paternal grandfather, Cedric K. Ros--).

Lord Polaris' actual identity is not yet known, but there are some leading theories. One being that he's Joker, from the circus. I have considered it, but I don't ascribe to it, unless Undertaker now uses other people's cinematic records to control some of his most advanced bizarre dolls. Because Joker never called himself a butler, but Polaris does, and Polaris is deeply loyal to real Ciel. Why would Joker become loyal to someone who looks just like the kid who got him killed and ruined his found family? Instead, I propose Polaris might have been one of the tall young blond butlers who previously worked for the Phantomhives, serving under Tanaka (who was already the House Steward at the time). That would explain Polaris calling himself a "butler", why he fears losing his master again, and why he would be loyal to the "legitimate" heir of Vincent Phantomhive, which he would say is Lord Ciel, the firstborn. I've also seen crack theories that Polaris is Madam Red, Tanaka, or even Agni. Madam Red might get stabby-stabby in bizarre doll-dom, but she would never call herself a "butler", wouldn't cry over a lost "master" (she never saw Vincent that way), and has no reason to choose one twin nephew over the other. Tanaka cannot be Polaris because Tanaka is alive and-- it doesn't matter what else; Tanaka can't be an alive and active servant in the Phantomhive household and a bizarre doll that's been hiding away until just recently. Agni absolutely cannot be Polaris because Polaris is the one who kills Agni. Enough said on that.

Lord Vega and Lord Canopus are confusing. I say this because Layla, a young nurse at Athena Sanatorium, has a split personality called Al. Also, Layla/Al says "What will you do at this juncture?!" These are both attributed to Lord Vega: the Sphere Music Hall bedroom door marked with three stars (meaning Vega) shows a room appointed for two people, and words coming through the door look like two people (or two personalities) saying the exact same thing that Layla/Al later says to Ronald. So... Layla/Al is Lord Vega, right? But Layla tells Baldo and later Lau that their blood tastes like her "food" (making it sound very specific), and they both turn out to be Canopus. So... is Layla/Al actually Lord Canopus... and something is just weird about the stars on the bedroom doors?!? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Until it gets absolutely spelled out for me, I'm gonna leave this one open to possibilities. As far as Layla/Al's identity, besides being a bizarre doll, goes? The leading theory (as far as I'm concerned) is that she was Chris Heathfield's daughter who died, along with her mother, in a carriage accident. Al says they did something to the "old woman", and that might have been Layla/Al's mother. Whatever they did might have caused the "accident" that got them killed. It could be that while Heathfield was bedding all those maids and looking for a soul like his wife's, he also might have paid/donated to the Aurora Society to get his daughter's body reanimated. That would help explain why that bedroom for "two" is so nicely appointed. Um... I think that's the best idea I've seen (so far) for who Layla/Al used to be.

And then we haven't met the fourth lord of the stars yet, but I expect Snake and Finny to run into that bizarre doll at the orphanage in Norfolk. One possibility would be Doll, from the circus. Some people have also suggested Madam Red, but -- again -- I really don't think so.

What's important about them?

Real Ciel represents the Sirius blood type because it's Type AB in the ABO system. Which makes sense, because Sirius is a binary star system consisting of Sirius A and a dwarf star called Sirius B. AB/Sirius is the universal recipient for whole blood transfusions, but it's possible that real Ciel and Undertaker don't understand this (yet). Or they know but don't think anything other than "Sirius" blood is good enough for him. According to Japanese blood type personality charts, AB would fit well with real Ciel's (and our earl's) personality: very smart but a tendency for duplicity or being two-faced. AB is the rarest in the ABO system: about 2%. Our earl is, of course, also AB/Sirius, just like his twin. So is Gregory Violet. Anyway, real Ciel/Lord Sirius/Lord Ciel is what Blavat is talking about when he says "Everything is for the Blue Star". The Blue Sect revolves around reviving real Ciel, to whatever extent that Undertaker can manage it. And, again, Undertaker is doing this because he doesn't want to "lose anymore Phantomhives".

Polaris represents Blood Type A, a very common blood type. About 44% of the population. Technically, he could accept types A (Polaris) and O (Vega), but he's probably just been given A all this time. We know Polaris gets blood transfusions because "Lord Ciel" mentions (ch169) that Polaris needs them (runs out of energy). Among the P4, Lawrence Bluer has the same blood type. Whoever Polaris actually is/was, he seems to be around to serve Lord Sirius/Lord Ciel/real Ciel. Despite Undertaker saying Polaris isn't available to play butler (ch151), due to being sent on blood supply runs, Polaris has twice called himself a "butler". He seems to accept this fate, even after death, and he's determined to not lose his "master once again". Out of the other lords of the stars, he might have the strongest personal connection to real Ciel, the Phantomhives (in general)... and even to Undertaker. When Polaris (in ch169) talks about losing his master before, Undertaker looks down, sad and pensive. This is a major reason I theorize Polaris used to work for Vincent. Undertaker would have little tinkering to do with cinematic records to make a former Phantomhive servant act desperately loyal to the real Ciel Phantomhive. A loyal servant would naturally wish to continue serving.

Canopus can accept B (Canopus) and O (Vega). Canopus blood isn't as rare as Sirius, but it's still somewhat rare: roughly 10% of the population. A common Canopus personality trait includes being very focused on what they enjoy, like fashion, food, or hobbies... or whatever goals they have. Out of the P4, Edgar Redmond is the Canopus. Lizzie is a Canopus, too, and that makes perfect sense for her. To me, it also makes sense for Lau. And somewhat makes sense for Baldo. Basically, B/Canopus is very passionate about whatever interests them or whatever they set their mind to.

Vega, or Type O, comprising another roughly 44% of the population, is the universal donor. Good thing they are common because they can only accept O/Vega (whole) blood. If Layla/Al really is Lord Vega, then this could explain why Layla earlier says she's "starving". As the blood supply dwindles for all of the lords, due to our earl's orders to destroy the collection facilities, even a common blood type like Vega might no longer be getting enough blood transfusions. The lords might not know what blood types they can actually accept, but Vega is the only one who can truly only accept their own blood type. Like Polaris, Vega was sent around to the collection facilities to pick up Sirius "food" for Lord Ciel, according to Undertaker in ch151. In this capacity, Lord Vega also acts like a servant for Lord Ciel. Herman Greenhill is the Vega member of the P4.

And, if Layla/Al turns out to be Heathfield's daughter, we could learn more about Heathfield's backstory that Mey-Rin and Ran-Mao never learned. More importantly, we would get more insight as to how the Aurora Society gets funding from various patrons. How Undertaker (and previously Stoker) attracted wealthy patrons to their cause, etc.

If Doll or another circus member turns out to be one of the "lords", then that would be a good opportunity to tell Snake what really happened to all his friends/found family from the circus. Again, Snake and Finny might run into a bizarre doll at the orphanage in Norfolk, so if one of the "lords" turns out to be a circus member, the orphanage would be a strategic place for them to show up.

What's important about the blood?

Undertaker hasn't explained (yet) why his most advanced bizarre dolls are receiving blood transfusions. I suspect this is largely a result of experimentation revolving around trying to get real Ciel's body ready to receive a soul transplant. To this suspected end, I theorize that these "lords of the stars" have already received various organ transplants. And we have a hint about that when we first meet Undertaker in his funeral parlor. The visitors are sitting around on coffins and drinking tea out of laboratory beakers. Undertaker says he has been keeping parts from some of the bodies for experiments. Lau half-jokes that his beaker might have once contained a kidney. Much later, Undertaker explains that he was keeping real Ciel's body in a special coffin; we get a visual that our earl was sipping tea from a glass beaker while sitting on the very coffin that contained his dead twin. And Undertaker says he was essentially putting real Ciel back together... painstakingly... piece by piece.

So, I think that Sirius (real Ciel), Polaris, Vega, and Canopus each have any number of new body parts (kind of paralleling the stitching together of people in s1 of the anime). There's no point in giving them new body parts if they are just going to continue decaying, like their more crude and weak precursors on the Campania, or even at Weston (they seemed to hold together a bit better, but Agares kept falling and suffering head injuries... which bled). Since Agares bled (fresh blood, too!) anytime he hit his head, it's possible he was one of the earliest bizarre dolls to get transfusions. There must have been major improvements since then, since Polaris can out-maneuver someone like Agni, and this Layla/Al person can hold her own against a reaper like Ronald (though he gets cocky, which makes him easy to catch off-guard).

Sirius/real Ciel seems physically weak, but that could be due to him never having a good supply of his own blood type (which he seems to think he requires). There's also how he probably sees himself: he's a master and doesn't really require much physical strength; that's what strong servants are for. Polaris is strong, fast, agile, etc... but he also runs out of energy when his blood needs to be replenished. Layla/Al, whichever lord she turns out to be, is also strong, agile, fast, etc., and she somehow gets a second wind when she lets Al take over, particularly if Al is well-rested... despite the fact Layla/Al just got shot in the heart and is completely bleeding out. Whichever lord we meet next, likely at the orphanage, might be strong and so forth, like Polaris and Layla/Al... or they might be weaker, like real Ciel/Sirius (particularly if they are Canopus and have only been given Canopus blood, which is pretty rare).

Why have these other "lords", if real Ciel is the only one that seriously matters to Undertaker or our earl? Like I said above, they might be mere means to an end. Undertaker can experiment with them before he tries something on real Ciel. So that means you have to supply blood for them, too. Having one highly advanced bizarre doll for each blood type is convenient; it maximizes the information that can be gathered from various experiments. You can collect blood from all walks of life and not a drop goes to waste.

And though everyone who attended the Sphere Music Hall events felt like everyone was equal when they're there, truth is they were being divided into a sort of caste system, based on the magnitude of their "star".

How does it tie back into the main plot?

Undertaker (and real Ciel even more so, once he was functioning on his own "episodes") created this cult-like situation as a trap for our earl. They must have realized that if they set up an underground society that gathered/effected people from polite society, then the queen would get nervous and sic her watchdog on it. This is a very common thing for villains to do: lure in the heroes to force a confrontation. Even if the villains are just misguided and think they are doing the right thing.

It sets real Ciel up as an adversary, just like I predicted years ago with Mother3 theory. He shouldn't be the one our earl ultimately seeks revenge against, but he's a situation that must be dealt with anyway. The final battle between twins should be more emotional than physical, but plenty of physical altercations lead up to it, and that's what these blood collection facility-destroying assignments achieve. These assignments also possibly help to whittle down our earl's support, since he's likely to lose a servant or two along the way. Baldo is injured and could still die before the assignment in Wiltshire is completely over. Snake could leave our earl's side, if he finds out the truth about his circus family.

It also sets up for the possibility that Undertaker makes last ditch efforts to break the contract between our earl and Sebastian. Including the very real possibility that Undertaker uses both twins in the ultimate bizarre doll experiment: transplanting a soul from one body to the body of another. What better chance of success would Undertaker have than with using twins with similar experiences? (Claude did well enough in s2 just by forcing "Ciel" to believe Alois' experiences were his own, and that lead to two souls in one body!) Layla/Al might have even been selected as a lord of the stars simply because of her split personality; it might help Undertaker study what it's like to have mind and soul not working together in complete harmony... or something like that. Maybe she even contains two souls, so Undertaker finds her fascinating. 😮 But I don't think it would work quite as Undertaker would expect for the twins. The earl and real Ciel are mirror twins, after all... and that could mean their soul shapes are reversed.... I have several older posts about this.

Anyway, this really is a trap forcing our earl to face off against his dead and reanimated older mirror twin brother. Just like in Mother3. Except with medical/religious cult-run blood collection facilities bleeding the citizens for vampiric Bizarre Dolls... instead of military-run laboratories brainwashing citizens and churning out Fascinating Chimera.

ETA: @fwippysays strikes again with some good observations:

But, instead of it making our earl a better potential host as a bizarre doll, I see it as Undertaker prepping our earl's soul to be a better match for real Ciel's body and mind....

[kereton]

🔥: What’s a surefire way to make your OC get flustered? -- for Jermaine, Watt, and Zhartook; 💐: What is their courting style? How would they woo someone? -- for Destal and Terkazeeus; 💘: Is your OC a very good flirt? Are they charming? -- for Fenwick, Andurath, and Lok :3c

🔥: What’s a surefire way to make your OC get flustered? -- for Jermaine, Watt, and Zhartook;

Jermaine - My poor sorcerer boy hasn't had a genuine compliment thrown his way in a long time. Given his inferiority complex, he would probably rebuff the compliment in the moment only to get relentlessly teased by the party's bard later when he undoubtedly spills the beans. Then, realizing his mistake, he gets to be fussy and pouty about it all evening :D

Wyatt - Given the fact that my Weenie Hut Jr DMPC has been adopted by The Horniest Party, it's bad news for him whenever the party Gets Weird and puts him in the spotlight over his relationship with Lisbet, the party's warlock. Wyatt's a very internal guy, and would rather his relationship stay between Lisbet and himself. Unfortunately for him, this is D&D, so of course the Warlock was previously engaged to someone who died but Turns Out They're Still Alive! My poor, precious bean needs a god damn break.

Zhartook - I've been leaning aroace for Zhartook for some time, so this situation probably doesn't happen unless the other party is VERY forward or more physical with their advances. Zhartook's a good noodle, and would make an attempt to respectfully decline. However, situations where he's being disregarded or ignored would get under his scales. Barring that, his own mother trying to *wink wink nudge nudge* towards the party's gnome wizard Melliwyk also sends him up a wall.

💐: What is their courting style? How would they woo someone? -- for Destal and Terkazeeus;

Destal - As much fun as "he does a silly lil' dance" would be, I don't think it suits him. Destal, being a three year old Aarakocra, doesn't exactly have much to go on here aside from watching a budding romance between two of his party members. Because of that, I imagine his plan to woo someone is just to express a desire to hang out with and be around them, and then either seeing what happens or hope someone kind enough throws him a lifeline.

Terkazeeus (Skyrim campaign) - Terky was actually in a long-term, serious romance before They Got Killed In The Backstory. Being the absolute bluntest of instruments, she'll just order drinks, complain about how Argonian Ale is far superior to anything found in Skyrim, and then just info-dump everything about herself and her mission on her previously unsuspecting victim. Luckily for her, her ex-fiance found her direct approach rather charming, joking that she "Must have been in Skyrim for so long she's starting to become a Nord".

💘: Is your OC a very good flirt? Are they charming? -- for Fenwick, Andurath, and Lok :3c

Fenwick - Out of all of my OCs, Fenwick is a master of Getting the First Date and not The Second One. This doofus has all sorts of campy one-liners he's grabbed straight out of romance novels that have probably gotten him farther than he'd like to admit, but Fenwick over-excites and over-shares constantly. To some, raising a pet giant wolf spider and delving in ancient ruins to gather artifacts to convert his home into an actual museum is genuinely interesting! Those people tend to NOT be the tavern-goers Fenwick makes a move on.

Andurath - Those that aren't immediately offput by a 7 1/2 foot tall Goliath man would probably like what they find. That's good, because this boy is a TERRIBLE flirt. He's got a case of the Overly-Serious-Protagonist syndrome, but he's genuine, earnest, and calm. The kilt might raise an eyebrow, but the party's satyr warlock seems all for it!

Lok - Ahahaha no, not with his brain all scrambled and his crazy-grandpa-that-rolls-around-in-trash-with-animals aesthetic. Before The Incident is a different story. I mean, he's apparently got a kid running around, so maybe he's still got those moves!

[utilitycaster]

You mentioned in an earlier post that Emily Axford's weird multiclasses work because she keeps party composition in mind. Would you mind expanding on that?

Not at all! So the full thing I said was that Emily thinks about party composition and the character. Basically: even though a lot of her multiclasses are, on some level, "hell yeah hexblade is dope", she puts thought into why this person would have become a hexblade within the story, as well as why this is not just fun for her but helpful for the party.

A lot of her subclasses are mechanically good in a vacuum, for whatever that's worth, but even the ones that aren't quite as optimal work because they take into consideration what the party needs and what her character would be doing.

So, by character:

Fig multiclasses into warlock from bard, getting closer to her birth father. This is also a great way to give bards some offensive capability. Given that Kristen is a highly capable healer and Adaine an equally strong utility caster as a wizard, Fig doesn't need to play pure support; eldritch blast and a recharging spell slot and some better weapon capabilities are a good call.

Sofia runs into a cool bodega cat and they become her patron. This also gives her a little magic, notably ranged damage abilities, which monks tend to lack (they're fast enough for this not to matter too much, but can get in trouble against flying opponents). The original Dream Team mostly had support casters (bard, cleric, druid, plus a paladin) so a little more offensive arcane damage to supplement Pete doesn't hurt. She also took enough levels to get invocations, which add additional utility.

Jet ultimately fully swapped classes, but notably multiclassing a more fragile rogue into a fighter in a low-healing setting was an excellent call.

Saccharina was perhaps the best example of her D20 characters: the way she was able to escape was her inherent sorcery abilities. It was able to help us understand how this character was able to come up from nothing in this kind of setting. Sorcerer/cleric is an excellent multiclass, allowing for some incredible quickened spell moments. It also gave the party both offensive spells and healing, in a low-magic setting, while tying it into that setting. It was really a masterful character build and I think it's incredible.

On the NADDPod side:

Moonshine's single level of barbarian mostly granted her weapon proficiency and extra HP, but in a three-person party versatility and durability is absolutely vital. The rage stacked with her fungal form so she could attack and use spores in combat if her HP was getting low, particularly since Beverly only had touch heals. It's not an optimal build, but for her specific druid subclass it worked and it could keep her up in a melee-heavy party.

Fia was a multiclass from the start; Cleric/Wizard is a great multiclass anyway and it allowed her to be a wizard while also having access to healing spells and armor - a pure wizard build in a 3 person party can be tough. (I do it. It's tough.) She chose it for character reasons as well, reasoning that cleric/wizard achieved the mysticism and powers of a witch more than a straight build in either of those classes. War priest also helped at low levels.

Tarragon and Billie were also multiclasses from the start. Tarragon was highly necessary - an all monk party, even with way of mercy, needs a stronger healer. Cleric, for Tarragon and for Fia, also helped everyone engage more with the deity lore of the world, which was absolutely central to the story. In a way, multiclassing wasn't just party comp - it was also including the DM in a really cool way. Cleric - and her monk subclass - also allowed Tarragon to do more damage than simply weapon damage. Meanwhile, Billie combined the infiltration/story elements of a rogue (as did all the Endoterran characters) with artificer. It allowed her to help the party with more utility than she'd have as a rogue while still having many rogue abilities; it also took the pressure off Zirk as he would have otherwise been the only caster or healer. Billie also happened to have high charisma which filled another gap given that neither Zirk nor Henry excelled in that particular field.

(If anyone is interested in thinking about mechanics and party comp, incidentally, and also having a great time, NADDPod is perhaps the best actual play show for this. Three-person parties really push people to be creative because every character needs to cover a lot of ground, and because Murph is, and I mean this as a compliment, a hardass, all of the players have had to get incredibly good at mechanics.)

[all-hail-the-witcher]

leaves

this started as a hc but turned into a long thing about geralt being a huge softie.  enjoy.

___

jaskier collects leaves that he thinks are pretty during the fall and presses them in his song writing notebook so he can look at them during the winter when all the leaves are gone. and, he'd never admit this to anyone, but he knows exactly where each leaf came from, and what he and geralt were doing when he found them, so they help him stay close to geralt in the cold months when he's away at kaer morhen.

geralt doesnt understand the fascination cause “they're just leaves jaskier” and gets kinda grumpy when jaskier walks extra slow during the fall to admire and inspect the leaves. but he secretly enjoys the way that jaskiers face lights up in front of their camp fire at night as he shows geralt each leaf he collected that day and tucks them safely into the pages of his notebook. 

jaskier used to show them to roach to inspect but after she ate a particularly beautiful one on accident he does not allow her anywhere near his precious leaves.

one year jaskier and geralt part ways a little earlier than normal, geralt deciding to begin the trek to kaer morhen sooner than he normally would due to a lack of contracts so jaskier goes to oxenfurt earlier as well. the leaves are just beginning to change color as they part ways. 

a few nights into the journey geralt is making camp for himself and roach when he sees a bright red leaf sitting on the forest floor, exactly the kind of leaf that jaskier would pick up and admire and wax poetry about before tucking it into his notebook. but jaskier isn't there, and geralt feels a little pang. he glares at the leaf the entire time he's setting up camp. 

the camp fire has burned down to the embers by the time geralt is ready to lay out his bed roll, but he can still see the leaf at the corner of his vision. he sighs and gets up, knowing that it will continue to bother him unless he does something about it. he picks up the leaf, brushes off the dirt far more lightly than he would ever care to admit, and goes to tuck it in to his saddle bag in the roll of parchment he keeps on the off chance he has to write a letter. 

roach snorts at him. “shut up,” he mutters back. “its just a leaf.” roach nuzzles his arm. “no, i don't miss him. im just...bringing him a souvenir. we had to part early this year.” another snort. “yes, i know you know. but he didn't get to see the leaves this year. i don't want him to be disappointed.” roach headbuts him as if to say, you dumb witcher. geralt ignores this, but gives her some nice pats before retiring to his bedroll. 

in the next town geralt buys a random book. he doesnt know what it is, he bought the cheapest one he could find. but he's not going to read it, he just needs something to keep jaskiers leaf in so it doesnt crumble to bits before the spring. he swears roach laughs at him for that. 

throughout his trip up to kaer morhen, geralt finds himself progressively walking slower, taking time to admire the leaves as the bard had once done. 

he picks up the second leaf a week later after a battle with some drowners. he’s heading back into the town, having come across his first contract in weeks, holding the head and covered in river muck and guts when he sees a perfectly yellow leaf on the ground in front of him. he picks it up gingerly, trying his very best not to get guts on it (and he nearly succeeds). if the alderman thinks its weird, a witcher coming back with a drowner head in one hand and a yellow maple leaf in the other, he doesnt say anything. roach does tho, whinnying the second she sees it in geralts hand. he ignores her, and presses the maple leaf into the book a few pages after the brilliant red one. 

after that he adds to the collection more frequently. an reddish oak leaf he finds on the ground outside of a tavern, a brilliant orange leaf he finds at his campsite, a yellowish orange leaf the size of his face that he finds along the road and so on. roach makes fun of him every time he reaches for the book, but geralt ignores her. they're merely souvenirs for jaskier, nothing more. 

collecting leaves slows him down considerably, but he cant bring himself to care. he's even disappointed when the last of the leaves disappear and the first snow sets in. 

but that doesnt stop him from collecting things to add to his book. he gathers different small pine branches, holly leaves and other things that he knows jasper has never seen before because they grow too far north. he becomes so caught up in his hunt for interesting plants that the snow is already falling thickly by the time he reaches kaer morhe, despite him leaving for the keep so early. eskel and lambert chide him for being late, but he ignores them, happy that he managed to fill most of the book with leaves for jaskier.

that whole winter the book remains in the bottom of geralts pack, wrapped carefully in his spare shirt. he thinks about it often, but doesnt dare bring it out for fear that one of his brothers will catch him and make fun of him for being a sap. he's not a sap, he just found some leaves for his friend. 

winter drags on far too long in geralts opinion and leaves as soon as the passes are clear, antsy to get back to his friend and give him the book. but on his way down he discovers yet another beautiful thing that jaskier would love: wildflowers. roach is slightly more appreciative of this because wildflowers are things that she is allowed to eat. geralt often feeds her them to see if she approves. if she spits it out or refuses to eat it, then it doesnt make it into the book.

in the space he has left in the book he fills it with wildflowers, sometimes going out of his way to collect them. there are buttercups, dandelions, little blue ones the color of jaskiers eyes, poppies, apple blossoms, daffodils, and even a few rose petals that he buys from a stall in a market. the book is brimming with nature now. he has to be careful not to lose any of his treasures. 

finally, he arrives at his and jaskiers meeting spot. he stables roach who gives him a headbut of encouragement and he grabs the book carefully wrapped in his shirt before he makes his way to the tavern, suddenly very nervous. 

jaskiers voice is already wafting out of the tavern as he draws closer, having beat geralt to the meeting spot for once, and geralt hesitantly steps inside, knowing jaskiers eyes will be on him the second he goes in. he’s overcome with thoughts, what if jaskier hates it? what if he thinks it's dumb? what if he laughs at him? 

he enters anyway, because he's a witcher for fucks sake and he can handle his friends scrutiny. immediately he sees jaskier, sitting in the corner, working a crowd. as always, jaskiers eyes snap to him the second he steps foot in the tavern and he winks. geralt gives him the smallest nod and heads to his table in the corner after ordering an ale. he tucks the book out of sight on the bench next to him. 

minutes later jaskier barrels over, eyes bright with the life of the crowd he had been entertaining. 

“geralt!” he exclaims. “finally. i thought you stood me up, you big oaf. i never make it here before you do, i thought you may have been eaten! although im not sure by what exactly, i don't know what species has a taste for witches, dragons maybe? well never mind, youre here now and you better have a good excuse for being so late, even im starting to get bored of this town and you know how i love towns...”

geralt smiles into his ale, he missed this, but he'd never admit it. his eyes flick over to the book sitting on the seat beside him, unsure whether or not he should give it to him. 

jaskier, being the observant fucker he is, notices. “geralt what do you have on the seat there? is it a monster head? you know what happened last time you tried to hide a monster head in a tavern, i thought the town would chase us out with pitchforks they were so angry! surely you wouldn't-”

“here.” geralt mutters, cutting him off, unwilling to listen to that horrible story. 

jaskier stares at the lump of black fabric on the table. “geralt, why are you giving me your shirt? its not really my style, i’m not one for black really, makes my skin look too pale.”

“open it.” he says into his ale. 

jaskier does, and stares at the book dumbfounded. “a history book? geralt you know that i am a master of the seven liberal arts, im a professor at oxenfurt! i have all these boring books in the library, i didn't need you to get me one, although it is very thoughtful of you to- oh”

geralt, tired of hearing jaskiers babbling, flips open the book, revealing the bits of nature he had spent their time apart collecting. jasper is silent, which geralt takes as a bad sign. maybe roach was right, maybe he didn't like it, maybe he'd wasted his time for nothing. 

“cause you....you didn't get to see...the leaves this year,” he mutters, looking into the tavern, unable to see the inevitable disappointment on jaskiers face. 

“oh, geralt,” jaskier whispers. “you collected all of these for me?”

geralt doesnt say anything, but his silence is enough. 

“this is why you were late. you were collecting these, for me.”

“its okay if you don't..like them” geralt bites out. 

“oh no no no no, geralt, they're wonderful.” 

geralt looks at jaskier and sees him touching the pine branch he took form the trees outside kaer morhen, tears brimming in his eyes. “you don't hate it?”

“no, love.” jaskier smiles softly. “i adore it. and i adore you. and id love it if you tell me about all of them, please.”

for the first time in years geralt feels something like a smile tugging at his lips and he picks up the pine branch from jaskiers hand, telling him how it came from the tree outside his window, the one that he looked at everyday as a kid growing up. the same tree that lambert once dared him to climb and he nearly did before being spotted by vesemir and scolded at. jasper laughs and sniffs the pine carefully before placing the branch back in the book. 

they pour over the book for hours at their table in the tavern. geralt cant remember the last time he's talked this much, much less about himself of all things, but jaskier is more than happy to listen. 

__

if you want to be tagged in future works of mine shoot me an ask !!

[beartes22]

Jason Todd Incorrect quotes

An anthology (1/?)

for @river9noble who asked me for it so nicely

Baby Jay

Some rando: Oi, Willis, since when you have a son?

Willis: I have a what?

Jason: He askes if you have a gun. Here it is *cocks gun and points*

-

Some good Samaritan: Oh, poor child. Here, have some money

Jason, cheerfully: Thanks! I will go right now to buy drugs for my mom!

The Samaritan: What? No!

Jason: You snooze you lose!!

Street rat Jay

Jason: Now listen up you rugrats. Jason will tell you how to survive the street

The rugrats: Whe- This is our cardboard box, go find yours f*cker!

Jason, sensei to new street kids everywhere: First thing is: you only keep what’s necesary for survive

The rugrats: F*ck off! And what’s with the bag!?

Jason: Wha- These are my books!

The rugrats: Are you dumb? The only good thing of the streets is that you ain’t gotta do school no more!!

Jason: You are wrong and also this is not schoolbooks. These *shows them like a dealer do with the good drugs* are Classics.

The rugrats: What the f*ck is a classic. Leave us alone! 

Jason, undaunted: The second thing is this: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

The rurgrats: *Confusedly boo at Jason*

-

Jason: In the alley, you learn pretty quick how to pick your fights

Also Jason, seeing the Batman for the first time: Dibs!!

Still Jason, seeing a rogue eyeing the Batmobile: I said DIBS!!!

Robin Jay

Alfred: Master Bruce, what is that

Bruce, coming up to the mannor with Jason, a tire iron still in his hand: A tire iron

Alfred: 

Alfred: I was refering to the child, Master Bruce

Bruce: Oh, that’s Jason. He lives here now

Jason: Hi! I was told there was food. Where’s the food?

Alfred: In the kitchen. Master Bruce, may I inquire why this child lives here now?

Jason: Oh! He picked me up from the streets and now I’m gonna be Robin!!

Alfred:

Bruce: He has a great right hook?

Alfred: Master Bruce, a word, if you please.

-

Robin, fighting thugs: Take that, thou weedy clapper-clawed scurvy-knave!

Nightwing, only visiting: *confused bird noises*

Robin: Ha! Thou bootless fool-born lout! Taste my fist!

Nightwing: B! B! What is he saying?

Batman: *sighs in father* It’s better than the alternative

Nightwing: *concerned bird noises*

Robin: You want to censor my language Batman? Ha! *Kicks thug in the nuts* Censor that thou weedy beef-witted haggard!

Nightwing, almost crying: What does even mean

Batgirl, swinging by: He just called B a himbo. In Shakespearian

Batman: *still sighing in dad* The swearjar was a terrible idea

Alfred, from the comms: Indeed it was. Now, I think Robin is owed at least fifty dollars from such marvelous reintrerpretation of the Bard

Robin: Yeah!!! Pay up, B!!

Nightwing: That’s, that’s not how swearjar works

-

Tiny weeny Jason, meeting the Justice League for the First time: Hi, I’m Robin II: Electric Bongaloo, nice to metcha

Superman: Hi, kid. *turns to the Bat*Batman, you better have not stolen this child

WonderWoman: A baby! What a fortuitous day! Zeus must smile on us! Tell me, little warrior, do you wish to learn the ways of the sword?

Jason: *Stares in naked wonder* Could you adopt me instead?

Batman, getting woke: Now Robin let’s not be hasty

WonderWoman: Of course! I, too, enjoy a little pupil to teach my ways! We can start with

Batman, panicking: No she can’t because men explode if they step into Themysira!!

WonderWoman: 

SuperMan: 

Jason: What? No Way!! That’s so cool!

Batman, praying to the old good greek gods for mercy: Yes. That’s why there’s only women there.

WonderWoman: *judges him silently and in ancient greek*

Batman: *prays harder*

WonderWoman: *sighs* Yes, little one. I must have forgotten with the elation of making new friends

*Years Later*

Artemis, laughing so hard she’s crying: Explode? What nonsense! Who told you that?

Jason, red as his helmet: *hissing* Batman

Lost Days Jay

Ra’s Al Ghul, CALMLY: Talia, did you put your mutt in the Lazarus Pit?

Talia: I would never Father. How dare you think that I would sully the very thing that gives you life. To even conceive that I could betray you in such a cravenly manner-

Jason, coming up for air: *screams*

Ra’s: 

Talia:

Ra’s:

Talia: Oh my, how did that ended up there.

-

Talia: Jason did you murder all of your teachers?

Jason, cleaning a bloody kris: Bats. Don’t. Kill. Remember?

Talia: 

Jason: ...Yeah I did

-

Jason, walking by Nanda Pravat: Vengeance. Drama. Justice!

Damian, not having a very good childhood right now: *walks by*

Jason: Was,,, was that a wholeass child?

Talia: No it wasn’t

Jason: But I- I saw him. It was tiny and fierce and had a tiny sword for his tiny little hands

Talia: *yeah he did* *so cute* *his sword is so tiny* *like him*

Also Talia: It’s an aftereffect of the Lazarus Pit. You were hallucinating

Jason: ...Weird thing to allucinate about

Talia: Is it? Or is this your subconscious telling you something?

Jason, allergic to introspection and emotion like a Good Old Bat: Nevermind then.

[unseeliecourtjester]

I'm watching the Witcher! I have thoughts but I don't want to liveblog by spamming my blog with single posts so I'm just updating this one as i go. We good? Good.

Don't read this if you haven't watched it obviously because A spoilers duh and B it is pretty much incomprehensible if you haven't (and probably also if you have lol)

I've watched 8/8 episodes

Ep 1:

And right into action we jump! Nice

Ok. Killing a monster and a helpless injured animal in the first scene, it's that kind of show.

Fun bantz with daughter and dad i presume, love that

Bombarded with exposition. What's happening?

Lots of grey morality. Like it.

Very mirrory, that eclipse girl and the wizard. Who's right who's wrong? Who knows, Im sure we'll lose either way.

Really good clothing and set design!

The soundtrack is banger after another just very very good

I knew I find manbuns and half up half down hair very sexy but man if Geralt and that wizard guy from the royal storyline don't remind me of it, thank you for your service!

The fight choreography where geralt takes those men is superb and camerawork supports it in a way that's its actually possible to follow and enjoyable to watch, great job!

Hmm okay so seems like timelines are a bit fucky, princess scenes after geralt scenes

"I love you" "find Geralt of Rivia" OUCH

Good scenes but oh man i wouldn't want my rulers to just kill themselves during an attack yikes

Not to say that those suicides make me excited and confused but well i am definitely confused and excited for the princess storyline and what the heck those nilfgard (sp?) folks want.

Ep 2.:

Poor girl. (i wonder if thats makeup or if they actually cast an actress that looks like that, which would be v good)

So weird eye colours mean stuff?

Rat boy?

YES WE MET BARD BOY! Predictably I'm in love already. What a good first interaction

*Chanting* shrek dynamic shrek dynAMIC SHREK DYNAMIC!!!

I'm wheezing they really brought onions into this 👀

Thank the makers for not showing graphic self harm scenes 🙏

Powerful magic woman giving a monologue about chaos and magic? Hnnnggg

"Here i go again delivering exposition" *snort*

Hmm. What's the issue with the races? Elves etc i mean. And what's up with the guy wjo had to give "Fiona" shoes? He's one of the "clean ones"? Oof

Poor Yennefer.

Another good speech from powerful magic woman

Count on the bard to bring the laughs. And oof those elves, theres obviously some tension there.

Being Not human not another race but a Witcher does have its perks in talks with elves.

Things like "the great cleansing" worry me

There are three plots going on rn (i think theyre at the same time by now) and my priorities are 1. Geralt 2. Yennefer and 3. Fiona though 2. And 3. Is very close.

Hands down the most unrealistic thing is how everyone can repeat that language perfectly from having heard it once.

Yennefer is a half elven?

Huh. A game of marionettes and masters. The wizard controls the boy, the magician controld the girl.

Sidenote, the magic system of channeling chaos into magic and newtons 3rd law is metal and i love it

Eels, huh? Interesting.

So taking stock we have Bard (Human) & Geralt (Witcher), Yennefer (Half elf) and Humans, and Ciri (Human) & Dara (Elf).

First two episodes are over and I'm hooked. Excuse me while I go listen to "Toss a coin to your Witcher" on repeat a few hundred times now.

Ep 3

Here we gooooo

I watched half of it on a train and was too engrossed to write about

Fuck it up Yennefer!

Boob window!

Ok wait so wait wait wait is Yennefer still a Timeline before geralt?

Oh man beauty is a difficult concept

I miss the bard

Ep 4

What's that warrior women tribe and why did the forest call ciri?

I've had the bard for a day but if anything hapoens to him I'll kille everyone in this room and then myself

I love how his song has taken off!

Fuck yeah sidequest!

If i were to describe everything i loved about that scene id have to transcribe it whole

Timelines are fuckin... Fucky

Oh now we'll find out why grandmother wanted ciri to get geralt. Guess he made an impression

Damn she's so metal

Oh btw we love when media passes the bechdel test

Aww Yennefer.

Hmm.

That has to be a gambit

Ok i just read up on the law of surprise, and like to almosr everything in this ep my reaction is "metal af"

WHAT THE FUUUUUCK

Ep 5

Are you making a humunculus?

Doppler!???!?

Oh no poor wizard man

Oh Fremdscham alter Freund

These German accents oof

Oh Yennefer

Ragamuffin LOL

Jaskier huh? Nice name

Well fuck

Right. Good.

Make him drink the water! The doppler doesn't have good intentions

Also i really hope ciri isn't promised to geralt by the law of surprise in a yucky way

I love how lust and sex is handled here

"Flora and (yikes) Fauna" oh jaskier every word out of your mouth is peak comedy

Oof that guy Yennefer is traveling with

I bet they're gonna end up being a team anyways, i mean our main characters. Some how the others will perish.

Oh doppler you're so dumb

Witcher good ending: Geralt & Yennefer make a life with Ciri (I'm sure 1. fics are being written as we speak & 2. It wont happen)

Oh man that route

There's so much suicide and suicidal ideation in this it's crazy

And: called it!

There are so many insanely good quotes

"it's hard to regret something you didn't chose" yeah

Yennefer! Don't sleep with makeup

Uh

You forgot jaskier!

Yeah the hints were there. Blorchs fancy jacket...

Why does nothing good ever last. Yennefer and Geralt are so good together

And poor jaskier

We really in it now, Ariana

Ep 7

Wow calanthe you should know by now that these foul tricks don't work

Man, geralt cant catch a break

He's such a nerd

Harsh teachers get a lot of mileage out of "You're my best student"

... And that's why it's so easily used against their students.

Fuck i really care for these characters. Especially geralt, Yennefer and jaskier.

Yennefer just wanted to send sad girls on the drug trip of their lives and they're just... Hmm.

Ideology is so dangerous when it makes sense to you

And to think, geralt was right there under cintra

Well that was... Hmm

Ep 8

We haven't seen elves in a long time

Uh... No?

I dont accept geralt dying like that and at that time

OH HELL YEAH THAT INTRO ANIMATION

There's nothing

Of everything thats happened so far, the magic, the hotness, etc etc, i feel like my biggest fantasy brought to the screen in the witcher is a powerful teacher appreciating and spending time with a former student.

(*Tissania waving a glass of ale at Yennefer* me: god i wish that were me)

Ok but what's happening with geralt?

Who is vesemir

All those magic scenes are so good

Oof they just keep missing each other

Are they gonna meet in the last scene?

... They did. In the last scene.

Colour me interested in season 2! Off to tvtropes i guess and the tumblr tag.

[redqueenriddle]

The Adventure Zone vs Critical Role

Most comparison posts I’ve seen have been written by people who didn’t enjoy both shows, so I’m here to tell you, as a huge fan of both, what the pros and cons of each are. Mostly spoiler free. Mostly.

TAZ has a strong focus on comedy. Rules in TAZ are often ignored or completely nonexistent, and that’s totally fine, because the show is meant to be fun-filled comedy and not epic fantasy. The show’s greatest strength is the McElroy brothers and their hilarious banter. It’s in a fairly condensed format and doesn’t really start kicking off until Murder on the Rockport Limited. As far as storytelling goes, the adventure gives you a really warm watching-favorite-cartoons-in-pjs feeling (unless it’s making you cry) and the characters are memorable and enjoyable. It’s a podcast, so great for listening to while working or driving. Sometimes the brothers get off topic or a dramatic moment is less intense because of the humor, but those aren’t really flaws so much as the show’s style. 10/10

Members:

Griffin: Dungeon Master and best friend. The dorkiest, most endearing DM ever.

Travis: Playing Magnus, a human fighter who will break your heart and then break it again. A true teddy bear on the inside.

Justin: Playing Taako, a very flamboyant elven wizard who (spoiler) falls in love with the Grim Reaper, spawning my favorite weird romance.

Clint: Playing Merle, a dwarf cleric whose holy symbol is an Xtreme Team Bible and who loves plants way too much. It gets a bit awkward.

Critical Role is the polar opposite. There are two campaigns in Crit Role, One and Two, and Two is still ongoing. Campaign One is an epic fantasy adventure. Campaign Two has more of a gray morality to it. The worldbuilding and character depth in Crit Role is ridiculous, mostly because the players are professional voice actors, the episodes are 3/4 hours long, and DM Matt Mercer has enough knowledge of rules and lore to fill several encyclopedias. It is very slow at the beginning, to the point where I recommend starting at Episode 24 (The Feast) which is where the story really starts to begin. Crit Role starts off with low-budget maps and audio issues but slowly graduates to some of the most ridiculously elaborate battle maps I’ve ever seen. Matt Mercer isn’t afraid to get grim, and he isn’t afraid to kill the characters if they make mistakes. In fact, a lot of the tension of the series hinges on dice rolls that can decide wether characters live or die. Crit Role is great if you love complex storylines, worlds, and characters that take a long time to build. I stayed up until 3AM to watch the finale, and was sweating nervously the entire time. 10/10.

Members: (Campaign One)

Matt: The most talented and knowledgeable DM I’ve ever seen. The man many DM’s aspire to be.

Travis: Playing Grog, an ale-loving goliath barbarian who is just a lovable as he is dangerous. Just don’t shave his beard.

Ashley: Playing Pike, a gnome cleric who is best friends with Grog and the alcoholic mom of the group.

Sam: Playing Scanlan, a gnome bard who is the comic relief until very suddenly he becomes the realest character on the show. Either way, a national treasure.

Laura: Playing Vex’ahlia, a half-elven ranger fond of the word “darling” and her pet bear Trinket. Could shoot you riding upside down and backwards on a flying broom.

Liam: Playing Vax’ildan, Vex’ahlia’s twin and half-elven rogue extraordinaire. Very good at stabbing people and breaking hearts. Especially the heart of my son Gilmore. I’m not bitter at all, Liam.

Talison: Playing Percy, a human gunslinger with a very literal dark shadow creeping over him and maybe a few ancient evils for good measure.

Marisha: Playing Keyleth, a half-elven druid who is a little awkward but, in times of distress, can turn into a goldfish and cliffdive. It’s fine, right?

[flammenkobold]

Get to know me!

Tagged by @yszarin - thank you!

1. Relationship status: trying to marry the master jewel thief in fallen london

2. Lipstick or chapstick: *eyes my collection of lipstick* uhhh lipstick, I guess?

3. Three favorite foods: Nooo don’t make me choose when it comes to food. But cheese is always good, so is anything with garlic and all of my Dad’s recipes

4. Song stuck in your head: Currently "Weird Al" Yankovic - The Saga Begins.

5. Last movie you watched: Halloween (2018). It was surprisingly good.

6. Top three shows— Classic: Star Trek Voyager, Wickie der Wikinger, Doctor Who. Recent: Whitechapel, Killjoys, Trollhunters

7. Books I’m currently reading:  I have a few Chuck Tingle books on my kindle I plan to read, one day.

8. Last thing I googled: spells available to pathfinder bards

9. Time: simultaneously too early and too late

10. Dream trip: Driving down the entire Panamericana, failing that: spending a week on an empty island in the atlantic ocean in a nice cozy house

11. Anything you want: More time to write and read and travel and the money to afford it.

Rules: Tag 15 more people: Anyone who likes to do this!

[azwoodbomb]

What’s Your Story, or “The Myriad Merry Mugs of Mollymauk”

“So,” the pale barbarian asks in a voice that betrays no interest whatsoever, “what’s your story?”

“Well,” he says solemnly, eyes focusing on the distance, “that’s a tale as tall as time, but I’ll tell you the tail end.”

SAREN-RYE: 1 ounce apple brandy, 8 ounces pale ale, a dash of simple syrup. Great for those long, dry journeys.

Wide eyes stare from small faces as the cards dance between his hands and his jeweled horns jingle in the breeze. The kids crowd closer as he starts to speak.

“Down deep beneath the waves there’s a kingdom of crustaceans whose people find our flesh as sweet as we do theirs...”

The kids coil back in horror, then scuttle closer.

“...The next night, just as it seemed the war would continue, a great pearl washed up on the beach. And out stepped a sign from the gods, a creature neither crab nor man but a bit of both. And that creature was me.”

The kids stare, then snicker, then keel over.

RAVENS IN THE AFTERNOON: Pour one jigger of absinthe into a champagne glass. Add iced champagne until it attains the proper opalescent milkiness. Drink three to five of these slowly.

The gap-toothed halfling walking beside him on the road grins encouragingly up at him.

“My childhood was a truly blessed time. It was just me and my parents living at their eccentric employer’s mansion. It was always warm and in the streets outside there were always people singing...”

He takes a swig from his flask.

“...And just after summoning me to this dreary plane, without so much as an explanation, the old coot clutches his heart and drops. I’ve been wandering this desolate land ever since, making people sing to remind me of home, hoping against hope I can one day return to my family in the nine hells.”

The halfling has suddenly picked up the pace.

THE DAINTY SLAAD: 1 ½ ounces gin, ½ ounce lime juice, ½ cup ginger beer, 3 drops of jungle frog poison. Sure to liven up any gathering.

He finishes his drink and signals for another.

“Our village was small but peaceful, apart from the dimwits who kept crowing that my mother was a witch...”

Eyelashes flutter sympathetically at him from across the table.

“...As I rushed out of the burning building I could still hear that infernal cackling over the roaring flames eating the village. The pain of horns tearing through my skull brought me to my knees and as just as I was passing out I looked up to see my mother flying off on a broom, a murder of crows following after.”

Arms coil around him comfortingly.

HALF’NLING: Half stout beer, half light.

He flips a coin behind him, hears it bounce off the bar and a glass before settling loudly on the counter amid a stream of profanities from the proprietor. The patrons at his table give a polite smattering of applause.  

“When she was younger, my mother was a real rebel, always getting into trouble. When it finally got too boring she ran away from home to become an adventurer. She saw all sorts of different lands, civilizations foreign and unimaginable. But the last place she visited was the most impressive. It was a magical land where the sky is solid and goldfish can fly....”

The lines of their faces are starting to blur, but it rather suits them.

“...And as I lay there with my love’s still warm body in my hands I asked whatever power would deliver me vengeance to help me hunt down the undead scourge. Something answered, all right. I could feel terrible power coursing through me, but the price I paid is plain to see.”

Their heads turn slowly to one another and it feels like the room turns with them.

KORD’S FOLLY: Five shots of rum followed by a short pause and a confused war bellow, then five shots of gin. True enthusiasts may follow up with a bar brawl.

Some of the liquid seeps out of his lips and he feels like half his face has gone numb, but he whisks a handkerchief from his sleeve with a flourish, muttering something about always being ready to pay an arm and a leg for some ankheg.

“My mentor was the most respected conjurer on the whole continent of Tal’Dorei. One day the richest man in Emon, formerly its most eligible bachelor too, arrives on our doorstep and offers a king’s ransom if my master can procure for him a specific demon, an interesting creature called an incubus. For weeks we tried, to no avail, and one day he turned to me with a frustrated look...”

He magnanimously shares his drink with the hand that reaches for his flask.

“...The stilts were powerful, too powerful. Though I towered high above those who had once pitied me it came at a cost, as I couldn’t really see where I was stepping. The damage to the city was extensive, and I later learned I had trampled a guard who attempted to apprehend me. I ran off to the hills, where I met this weird hag, who offered me facial reconstruction in return for the stilts. I’ve been on the run ever since.”

His eyes focus and the table is empty.

BARD: 1 mug of the bar’s strongest liquor, no mixing involved. Guaranteed to make all music better.

The group at his table looks kind of young to be drinking, but judgement is for civil servants.

“The deserted village had been built on top of an ancient burial ground, everyone we’d met had warned us it was foolish to stop there, but we’d been on the run for so long we just had to stop...”

They lean in as his voice goes low as he struggles with the memories.

“...And finally, after many twisted nights of pleasure, my body began to change. My lady was gone and all there remained was pain. The town cleric said the contagion spreading over my body was because of the way I acted, how I had hurt everyone who loved me. But I think it just spread through bodily fluids, like most things.”

He hesitates a moment, then vigorously throws up on the table, prompting his audience to run full speed out of the bar.

MIND FLAYER: Ingredients depend on the establishment. If you have difficulty remembering your name afterwards, it qualifies.

He flips a coin behind him and is immediately rewarded with a squeak from the waitress, followed by the crashing of glass. He flips another coin at the problem and steadies himself at the table.

“I didn’t always look like this, you see. I was once a simple farm-boy, in love with a simple farm-girl. But then she came to the old abandoned farmstead up the road. My lady, bitter and tender, who came to redeem me from virtue...”

He nods along to the rhythmic beating of the half-orc trio or quintet playing the drums.

“...And shortly after her return my mother gave birth to me. She didn’t say anything to the people who threw pebbles and accused her of laying with demons. But she did tell me one day when I wouldn’t stop asking that my father was probably some sort of mystic goat-man.”

His drinking buddies notice he has stopped talking and guffaw enthusiastically.

DRAGON’S LAST BELCH: Three types of rum, lime juice, falernum, Ank’Harel bitters, Purvan anise-flavoured liquor, grenadine, a mixture of cinnamon syrup and grapefruit juice. To unleash the dragon jump to your feet, head to the dance floor and start spinning.

The bartender takes the coin and slides him another drink, with some hesitation.

“I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee. I insisted to my friends that I could keep going, but it obviously wasn’t working out. They helped me to the nearest town and left me there. Word reached me of a famous visiting blacksmith, and I gave him all my fortune, entreating him to help me walk again. What he crafted for me was like nothing anyone had ever seen...”

He hefts his face up from the table.

“...And as I came to I felt inhuman vigour coursing through my body, and staring at me slack-jawed was the rich aristocrat. It wasn’t until a few days later, when his wife came back from her trip and I had to run into the night with all the jewels I could stuff into the pants around my ankles, that I realized what exactly had happened to me. I’ve been an infernal love machine ever since.”

The old man nods confused, then grows dim and distant as gravity gives up on the world. Molly’s eyes blink slowly, the surroundings changing every time.

“So,” he hears Yasha’s muffled voice above him as he dangles over a muscular shoulder, “your story kinda sucks.”

[mysticarks]

The merciless dungeon master: Ollerus

The reasonable dungeon master, But Watch Out: Sif

Wants to try out all of the different classes, races, and moral alignments, a new character for each game: Gant, Gwen, Citrine

Makes big gay orc/demon warriors, flirts with NPCs: Lailah, Rosier

Prefers healing and support classes such as Cleric, Bard, and Druid: Tsuga, Cass

Makes a weird joke character, just for a good laff, but ends up getting emotionally attached to them and involving them in more serious plots: Lucy

Always plays as a Paladin and never considers the other possibilities: Al

Wants to be a dragon for the express purpose of keeping a treasure hoard. Also hoards the dice: Larimar

Wants to take the game completely seriously and gets annoyed when the story is derailed for Shenanigans: Uriel, Nana

Really tempted to eat the dice: Zad

[offworldcolony]

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, 2013 - ★★★

There's something at every turn for me to *almost* like about this movie. I don't think the start works, although I like the idea of seeing Gandalf and Thorin's first meeting, it just doesn't pop the way that The Two Towers does, I don't like Beorn as it doesn't feel like that early in the movie that it really adds anything, I don't like spiders as they're not compelling villains even though it's cool to hear them talk when Bilbo puts on the ring, and I hate people endlessly traversing through weird forests, despite reflecting maybe some of the cut material found in the Fellowship novel.

I'm not sure that much of the extended material here (for the first time in the series) lends to improving the experience of this film very much. More of what I already found a little trying or weary here has little effect.

It's cool to see the elven forest folk, I absolutely adore Lee Pace and Evangeline Lily cuts a terrific Elven stature, she's so vibrant and open. Plasticky-faced, contact-lensed Orlando Bloom breaks me out of it a bit, and the sets alternate disappointingly between cavernous CGI and paper-mache sets. But the barrel riding sequence is a triumph of action, it's a truly creative and memorable and ludicrous sequence, even if it was designed just so that Universal or whoever could make a ride out of it.

I enjoyed Alfred/Master interactions to broaden Lake Town's politics and character, and both are excellently cast. They both wear out their welcome by the third entry, but here it's all amusing stuff. In fact all the Lake Town stuff here is more satisfying in this 4K blu-ray, the HDR sewing the seams again and fleshing out the world. Luke Evans as Bard is not my favourite actor but hearing Welsh and harking back to the Mabinogion et al, is a solid choice.

So Desolation of Smaug is the inverse of Unexpected Journey, it finishes much stronger than it starts with Peter Jackson clearly enjoying the parlour scene nature of the tete-a-tete between Hobbit and impressive Wyrm-like Dragon, the smallness and the scale combined is a delight, Cumberbatch essentially playing the role he was born to play, and so does Freeman.

An overall mixed bag; at worst: dull, at best: tremendous, exemplary high fantasy.

source https://letterboxd.com/offworldcolony/film/the-hobbit-the-desolation-of-smaug/2/

[djinmer4]

Theft of the Arkenstone (Part 2 of 2)

T.A. 2989

The caravan arrived at the break of dawn about a hundred stong.  “Got another elf with ya, Carleton?” joked the guards of Dale.

“Laugh it up, Nielson.  It’s easier to travel in the dark with elves.  No need to worry about bandits, and it’s easier to keep moving in the cold, than it is when the sun’s out.”

“It’s almost fall!”

“Tell that to the desert.”  The caravaneer handed over a list to the guards.  “Half of the party are guests this time.  About twenty dwarves from the Iron Hills, here on invitation from King Dain for some sort of work to be done.  Five families, including a blacksmith and a cooper, seeking to emigrate to Dale.  Also one not on the list.”  He looked over his shoulder, then waved over one of the men.  “This is Gonfin of . . . “

“Most recently of Morwe’s court.”  What the guards had taken for a tall Man was actually an Elf, with long black hair braided behind his back, and light, almost shining eyes.  The Elf was dressed a bit differently the Silvan who dwelt in Lasgalen and Dale.  He wore a ragged grey cloak, clearly suffering from the trials of crossing the desert, covered in sand and dust.  Oddly, he bore both a sword and a harp.

“We met up just before we reached the Iron Hills.  Poor bugger’s horse had just up and died on him.”

The Elf nodded.  “My pack horse was fine, but I was carrying a load of instruments for my work.  I was in the middle of deciding what I could discard when Master Carleton agreed to let me travel with his train.”

“Best singer I’ve ever heard,” boasted the Man.  “And not half-bad with that blade of his.  Saved my life a couple of times when we got ambushed on the trail.”

“Considering I would have been next had I not intervened, that’s hardly charity on my part.”  The two continued to joke around while the guards finished checking out the rest of the caravan.  Nielson stepped back and gestured to Feren, who was on shift as the Elvish portion.  “He check out?” grunted the Dalesman.

“Those have to be some of the finest instruments I’ve ever seen,” declared the Elf.  “If he can play them or make them, seems good enough.”

“Never heard of Morwe.”

“Tatyarin High King.  Occasionally we see some explorers or scholars from his court, but the last time was from before the Dragon came.”  Feren waved the last of the caravan into Dale.  “If he’d said Nurwe I’d have been a bit more suspicious, but the Tatyarin are just as knowledge-hungry as their Western cousins.”  The Sinda turned back to the Tatya.  “Your a bit tall and bright-eyed for a Tatya; got any Noldo blood?”

“A bit,” the Elf shrugged, not at all offended.  “Grandfather was a part of the court at Tirion, but he’s been dead since the First Age.”

Feren nodded, then gave a more formal bow of greeting.  “The Cat and the Moon, the tavern on the main square is the best for attracting a large audience.  Shall we see you perform there?”

A flashing smile, and long-fingered hands rubbed over a topaz and gold cloak pin.  “Probably.  The court of Morwe only recently heard about the death of Smaug.  I’m hoping to trade; songs and stories from the East for those about the death of the Dragon.”

Nielson shook his head.  “Only an Elf would call something that happened half a century ago recent.  There’s plenty of songs and stories told in the taverns, but if you want to talk to some people who were actually there, you’re going to need to talk with the Dwarves.”

“Thanks, I will.”

“Yea, say what you want about archery.  But it was Bard’s arrow that felled Smaug when nothing else would work.”  Gloin finished talking then took a drink of ale.

Gonfin had traded knowledge of Eastern instrument making techniques for the right to wander the halls of Erebor and to interview the remaining Dwarves of Thorin’s company (and Dain himself as well).  They’d asked about his sword, but alas, that had been a gift, and Gonfin was uncertain on the techniques used in its creation.  But having an Elf who was humble enough to ask the Dwarves about anything and be willing to trade for it was a treat, given the haughty Silvan and Sindar that lived in Lasgalen.

“And that was the end of it?”  Gonfin was almost continually scribbling notes since the conversation had started.

“No.  The Dragon had destroyed Lake-town.  The Elves and Men showed up to negotiate reparations.  That went on for a while, then the orcs and Dain showed up and the Battle of the Five Armies happened?”

The Elf made a show of counting on his fingers.  “Elves, Men, Dwarves and Orcs.  Who was the fifth army?”

“Ach, lad, let’s save that till tomorrow, shall we?”  Gloin noted the Elf didn’t even flinch at being called a lad, and his opinion of him rose.  “Council’s this afternoon, and I’ve got to attend.  I’ll drop you off with Bombur now, and you can pester him with questions.  He can even give you some lunch.  Skinny thing like you needs all the meat he can get.”

The Elf gathered up his notes, humming some weird tune as he did.  “Just one last question.”  Gloin nodded.  “The negotiations, I heard a bit about them from the Men of Dale.  Something about a jewel?”

“The Arkenstone, the King’s Jewel.  Beautiful, shines like silver in firelight, or like snow under starlight.” Gloin cupped his hands to show the Elf how big it was.  “Our burglar got it out to them when it looked like Thorin wasn’t going to keep his word to the Men of Lake-town.  They returned it after the Battle.”

“I see.”  The Elf finished stuffing his papers into a small satchel, then stood up (and almost immediately had to bow down again to get through the door.)  “Lead the way, Lord Gloin.”

“Oh yes, I’ve always felt terrible about what happened to the lads.  Kili was barely in his eighties when the Battle happened.”  Dori had agreed to take some time to help Gonfin, under the condition that the Elf help him with doing the inventory of his store.  They’d also agreed to sell some of the instruments the Elf had brought with him, the smaller ones that were more easily replaced.  Dori wasn’t sure anyone in Erebor would actually want Elf-made instruments, but it couldn’t hurt, and the Elf had been humble enough to earn a few friendly gestures.

“Eighty?  I’m not too familiar on mortal ages, but surely that’s not an adult for a dwarf.”  The Elf was currently hauling some wine out of the cellar to the front, but would stop every so often to make more notes.

“Kili was an adult, but only just.  Oh, the poor lads.  I always felt that either of them, Fili or Kili would have made a great King.  Not that Dain’s bad, but it would have been nice to see the Throne stay within the line.”

“Fili or Kili . . . but not Thorin?”  Now Dori looked embarrassed.  “Thorin wasn’t a bad King-in-Exile, but when we got here . . . he was showing signs of the gold-sickness, you understand?”

“Yes, some of the others have mentioned it.”

“If Thorin had been in charge . . . I’m not sure we would have as good relationships with the Men of Dale and the Elves of Mirkwood as we do now.  He was very prideful, and then he didn’t want to give a single coin to those poor men.”  The Dwarf shot a beady eye to the Elf.  “You won’t mention I said any of this, alright?”

“I’ll have to say something.  A lot of people have brought up the gold-sickness, it would be hard to leave out.  But I’ll keep what you said about Thorin being King private, if you’d like.”

“I’d be grateful.”

“Would it be possible to see their graves?  I understand all three Durins were buried together.”

“Entombed,” Dori corrected.  “And yes.  They are-”

“At the bottom of Erebor?”

“Heavens no.  That’s where all the mining is being done.  They’re close to the heart of the mountain, near the throne room.  I’ll ask Dwalin to show you tomorrow.”  He looked around and realized they were finished.  “You’ve done a good job helping me.  The least I can do is offer you some tea.”

“That’ll be great.”  Gonfin wiped some sweat off, and tugged his braid loose, only to start rebuilding it.  “If we have some time, I’ve heard you that you play the flute.  Would you mind playing for me as well?”

“Only if you return the favor.  Bombur’s children have been raving about your music ever since you spoke to him.”

“’Ere they are.  Mind you don’t damage anything.”  The room with the three mausoleums was quite roomy, and Gonfin was amazed he hadn’t had to stoop at all.  “This is amazing.”  He walked around, looking not only at the tombs, but the rest of the structure as well.  “These covers, there’s no joining at all.”

Dwalin nodded.  “Each sarcophagus was made from a single block of marble.  The lids were chiseled out first, with the effigies, then the rest of the block was hollowed out.”

“Strange, I thought the Arkenstone would be on top.”

“Nah, that’s in the tomb with Thorin.  A representation was carved as part of his effigy.”  The Elf continued to examine the late King of Erebor.  “Pardon my thoughts, but he looks almost Man-like.”

“Yea, Thorin was downright ugly for a Dwarf.  Had a heart like the Arkenstone though.”  If Dwalin shed a few tears, the Elf pretended not to notice.  Instead he stood in front of the graves and raised his voice in song.  The words were not ones that any Dwarf knew, but the sentiment was clear.

“That’s an Elvish mourning song.”

“Why, yes, it seemed appropriate.  I’m surprised you recognized it though.”  Dwalin gestured to Kili’s tomb.  “At the funeral, young Kili’s Elf sang something similar.  I recognized the emotions if not the words.”

“Indeed,” the Elf changed the subject.  “And where can I find young Kili’s Sinda friend.  It’s not the first time I’ve heard of her, but she seems nowhere here.  Has she gone West?”

“Ach, no, just bad timing on your part.  She’s part of the delegation to Dorwinion.  Tauriel will be back before the change of the new year.”

“Then I must be sure to remain at least that long.”

“Dwalin!  Furi!  Nice to see you again!”

“Gonfin!” By now the Elf had become a familiar site in Erebor, much like Tauriel herself.  “Surprised to see you.  Aren’t you going down the Celduin to Rhun tomorrow?”

“I am indeed.  But since I will not be the one guiding the boat, I thought it harmless to indulge a little for one last night.”  The Elf brandished a full skin.  “I thought I’d take the time to look around as well.  Who knows when I’ll be back here?”

“Fair enough.”  Dwalin was surprised when the skin was shoved into his hands.  “Uh . . . “

“A gift.  Besides, I think I’ve had enough.  Like you said, I don’t want to miss my boat tomorrow.”  With a wink the Elf pranced off, singing a melodious melody, but replacing the words with one of Dale’s raunchiest drinking ballads.  The two Dwarves watched him go.  “Mad as hatters.  All of them.” stated Furi decisively.

“True,” Dwalin took a swig then passed the skin to the other guard.  “Excellent taste in wine though.”

Maglor glared at the marble duplicate of Thorin.  This was to be his last day here, and he still hadn’t figured out how to get the Silmaril out of the tomb.  Between the wine he gave the guards, and the spells he’d been casting over the past months, he was guaranteed to be undisturbed until morning.  But the point was to get it out without anyone being the wiser.  A broken tomb was a huge sign that something was wrong.  “I give up, it will just have to be magic.”

With that, he raised his sword, then smote the cover of the sarcophagus.  Inside, the Dwarf had decayed into just hair and mail and bone.  The Silmaril, loosely clasped between skeletal fingers, brightened as it was picked up by the son of Feanor.  “Maedhros, you’ve given me so much trouble already.  Please be quiet.”  Immediately the stone dimmed, like a child chastened by it’s parents.  Maglor tucked it into his satchel.  For a second he hesitated over the sword, but in the end left it.  He was here for the Silmaril, not to reclaim Turakano’s lost property.  He then used the halberds of the guards to lever the two halves of the cover back into place.  He sung the stone back whole; there was a seam, but it was unlikely to be noticed unless someone was examining the cover closely.

He woke the guards on the way out with his singing.  It wasn’t the perfect crime, but he doubted anyone would notice his theft for years.

T.A. 2991

“In honor of the fiftieth anniversary of Smaug’s death, the Arkenstone shall be displayed for all to see.”  Dain declared.  Thranduil openly yawned, but Bain was appropriately solemn for the occasion.  With that statement, the King of Erebor gave the signal for the masons to start raising the lid on Thorin’s sarcophagus.

The block of marble was carefully hauled away.  Dain bowed the approached the tomb.  He reached in, then stopped.  “It’s not there.”

For a moment silence reigned.  “What?” asked Dain’s son, Thorin Stonehelm.

“The Arkenstone.  It’s not there.”  Dain pulled back, confusion written all over his face.  “Orcrist is there, but the Arkenstone is not.”

Thranduil came over to confirm Dain’s statement.  “Who would steal the Arkenstone but leave a sword of Gondolin?”

“This would be so much easier, Maedhros, if you were just a wee bit smaller.”  The Arkenstone flickered in sympathy.  Maglor sighed, the put down the tools and silver wire.  Instead, he raised his hand to his cloak pin.  The pin brightened under his touch until it glowed like sunlight.

“I think I’ll leave you with Elrond for a while.”

[humanoid-lovers]

An interesting approach to telling the Star Wars space tale. I am both a fan of the great bard William Shakespeare and Star Wars and I was attracted to the title of this book which (William Shakespeare’s Star Wars by Ian Doescher, Verily, A New Hope) I purchased on Amazon for a bargain price. I have read most of the works of William Shakespeare and what the author of this book has done is to put the Star Wars first movie (Star Wars: A new Hope) into the Shakespearean language and times. Go to Amazon

I loved this book I loved this book! Go to Amazon

For yea verily and forsooth there cometh this book from ... For yea verily and forsooth there cometh this book from the original texts of Master Shakespeare. Little doth those of fandom knoweth that the Lucas of George had, in a moment of envious wrath 'gainst the Bard, did copy wordeth for wordeth the working scripts used to perform this tale of responsibility and spirits within the genes of men for her royal majesty Queen Elizabeth herself. Lo, readeth thee about yon exploits of young Anakin, Walker of the Skye as he prevails in the races of sloops, fights 'gainst the Federation of Trade, and learneth of the ways of the Knights of Jedi. Marvel thee at the melee duel 'tween the Jon of Qui-gon, the Kenobi of Obiwan and the most vile rapscallion the lord Malice of Darth. This is well worth your seven pence and you should purchase it forthwith. Go to Amazon

Just Buy It! Combine my favorite writer with just about anything and the results will generally be favorable. Combine my favorite writer with Ian Doescher and the results will be amazing! I picked up "William Shakespeare's Star Wars" on a whim. I now own all four books, have one on the "I want a copy as soon as it's ready" list and will keep an eye out for the sixth. A close friend of mine, who doesn't read hard-copy much due to vision issues also has all four books - because of the style of the paper cover, the "old look" of the hard cover and the layout which is very easy on even the tiredest eyes. The text is amazing. Ian does an exceptional job with the process. It is even possible to see more deeply into both Shakespeare's style and the Star Wars story line - as with Weird Al Yankovic's using "American Pie" to lay out the story of "The Phantom Menace". One reviewer called the first book a wonderful Shakespeare parody. It isn't a parody, in my humble opinion, but an imagining of how the folio for Star Wars would read, had The Bard written it. Go to Amazon

Shakespeare Made Palatable Five Stars Worth it LOVE every word Ian Doescher writes Fun and light Humanity cannot go further I would highly recommend for readers and fans of the movies to get ... Loved it! Five Stars Loved it! A real kick in the pants for ...