#What the fuck is wrong with me. I never get this genuinely dysphoric even if its only like a 4/10 rn

[thekingofchungus]

Lowkey crying and screaming why the fuck arent i a big hairy soft tummied man

[friendsofmedusa]

How could you claim to know anything about the whole of trans people when you solely go off of the people who are bad, who just so happen to be trans?

I am an s/a victim, both of a cis male, and years later, of a nonbinary person. To avoid your mockery, I won't say anything about the fact that although I am still skeptical of men, I try hard not to judge, I will only say it of nonbinary people.

I am a skeptical person, and I don't trust others as quickly as I do women. I can acknowledge that there are bad people who are trans. But I'm not going to see a problem with them as a whole.

What I can't understand, I will give voice to, and what I have a problem with, I will give voice to as well. But I'm not immediately going to dismiss it because I'm angry or don't understand.

So I don't understand why TERFS or " radical feminists "—you're not radical, by the way, you're nothing new—claim to know so much about others' lives, despite the fact that they don't understand anything at all about why trans people feel the way they do so much as assume how they feel, based off of a narrow‐minded, extremist outlook that will only ever see the negative of anything that isn't immediately understood.

Standing up for women and speaking on the struggles they go through, talking about the trans people who happen to be bad, standing up for assault victims, talking about the men that are bad and what's wrong with male culture, that's not wrong, at all. I don't even need to say so, but I would like to clarify it.

But you are extremist. How can you accurately or impartially assess anyone's life—especially one you would never fully understand, even if you were supportive of it, or humble enough to try and learn about it—from a standpoint like that?

How can you talk so knowingly of the minds of people you don't take seriously, anyway?

First of all, I'm deeply sorry about what you went through, that is horrendous and I hope you are well and recovering.

Now, addressing the rest of your ask.

I don't base my opinion of trans people solely on the bad ones, that would be stupid. I've met plenty, both on the internet and in real life, who were good people. And I do believe there are some genuine transexual people, whose dysphoria is so severe that transitioning is the only valuable option for them.

That said, I don't believe in the concept of gender. Or, I think it's a concept we should actively work to dismantle instead of enforcing it, as it's the main tool men use to keep us women under their heel. Gender is nothing but a stinky pile of conservative and downright sexist gender roles and expectations, why shouldn't I be against it when it's actively harming my life as a woman?

And before you say something along the lines of "But trans people are redefining the gender binary yadda yadda yadda", let me just say: no, they are not.

There is literally nothing as sexist as claiming to be of the opposite sex because you don't conform to society's expectations of how you should dress, act, speak. I should've transitioned years ago if that were the case.

But moving on.

I don't see a problem with the whole of trans people. I fully support their rights to housing, jobs, healthcare, you name it.

Who I have a problem with is men, aka adult human males. Reason why, scroll my blog and you'll get the gist. And trans ideology is offering men new ways to torture women.

Just look at all the inmates id-ing as trans to be moved to women's prisons. It's either one of two cases: one, there's an alarming number of rapists among trans women, and women are fucking right not to want them in their spaces; two, you can't take someone's word at face value when it comes to psychiatric disorders (because let me remind you that gender dysphoria still is a psychiatric disorder).

And when you say that radfems don't know anything about the trans experience, you are just plain wrong. Many, many of us are dysphoric women and detransitioners. We've been there, we just didn't fall down the hole of medicalisation.

And that's really the crux of it. You say I'm an extremist, and for what?

For saying we shouldn't unnecessarily medicalise children? For saying that SRSs are Doctors playing fucking Frankenstein on depserate people? For saying that therapy should be the primary form of medical care a dysphoric person should receive, instead of going straight to irreversible surgery?

If that makes me an extremist, glad to be one.

[fuckyeahilike]

Though she has not transitioned, Paglia identifies as transgender. She reports having gender dysphoria since childhood, and says that "never once in my life have I felt female". She says that she was "donning flamboyant male costumes from early childhood on".

Paglia's stupid statement that not wanting to conform to what is expected from girls, and wanting to live a man's life and choosing male historical characters to play on Halloween instead of female ones... literally believing that the clothes make the man...

Everything about this stupidity has re-ignited my hatred against the whole transgender thing like nothing has in a long time. You do get sort of jaded after a while, but now I'm back.

It's stupid to say that not wanting to be a woman makes you gender dysphoric. I hate being a woman plenty of times not because there's anything inherently evil or bad about femaleness, but because society makes it unbearable for me. That's not my fault or my body's fault and I refuse to blame the victim, i.e. me.

Even if the way society treats me because of my sex made me hate and blame my body, the big lesson that I would take out of the whole situation would not be that if I don't like my body then it must not be my "real" body. That is retarded.

This is the first time she is claiming she is transgender and, just like the rest of them, she's now re-writing history and pretending her life-long feminist rebellion against her sex-based oppression means she's trans (a man on the inside) and always has been. Stop lying, you class traitor. Feminism is not a symptom of being a man deep down inside, it's a sign of dignity and self-respect.

She has not "transitioned", obviously, nor will she ever. Most of them never transition, including the ones who are so mentally ill they genuinely believe they were born in the wrong body. And she is just a fucking liar who loves to hop on every trend for attention.

You have to be stupid to believe that if you don't like the expectations that society attaches to people of your sex it must be because you are not a person of your sex. It just means you quite rightly disagree with those expectations. If you can't stand up straight and say that your very existence proves that those expectations are wrong and instead you go along with the most regressive and reactionary explanation possible, that indeed a person of your sex would never talk like that... then you're stupid, whether you're 17 or 70. I can not respect your low IQ.

[heavens--night]

abuse/rape/detransition/body-mod/medical fantasy

i get off thinking abt this so much its not even funny. i have an ex who was really controlling of my body and would get really cold and mean when i told him having my chest touched made me dysphoric. i was glad when i was able to get out of a relationship with him but we had a lot of mutual friends so i tried to keep things amicable. he still follows me on socials and knows i’m transitioning.

i could never afford top surgery on my own, but with a long time e-begging and doing some degrading cam work i was finally able to put together enough money to get those hateful tits removed. it was hard going off t before the procedure, but i reminded myself i’d be right back on it afterwards, and i haven’t been taking it long enough for the most meaningful changes to take hold anyway. after this, i remind myself, i’ll be able to become the person i truly am.

i dont have a lot of friends in my area with their own cars though so i ended up having to rely on my ex for a ride to and from. he was weirdly really chipper about it for someone who used to give me the silent treatment for hours if i tried to stop him playing with my tits. he used to constantly pressure me to let him suck on them, grope them, cum on them... now i’m finally gonna be free of them and he seems genuinely happy for me. ‘you’ll be so much happier afterwards,’ he says. ‘i’m so excited for you to finally be the real you.’

the second i’m awake i know something’s wrong. my chest is bound, but no amount of packed gauze could explain the size of my chest. it feels so sore, swollen, and heavy. much heavier than before. i’m crying and confused, but of course that’s just the anesthetics wearing off. my ex takes me back to his place over my protests.

i know what happened to me, but i can’t believe it. all that time, all the humiliating things i did to scrape together the money - how did he even get control of it? how did he manage to schedule this procedure instead? why didn’t i realize something was wrong? it was all for nothing. i put all my savings into what i thought would save me from having these humiliating, dysphoria-inducing tits and now....

i’m in such a state of despair and dissociation the healing process is a blur. the checkup appointments, where my new doctor gropes and measures my huge, perky fake tits all seem like a terrible dream. he recommends an increasing regimen of groping - sorry, ‘palpating’ - my sore breasts to improve sensation and promote ‘psychological integration’ with my new body parts, and my ex (now, apparently, again, boyfriend) is eager to assist.

every day, he makes the most of his gift to me, my ‘true self’ finally realized in a pair of heavy, sensitive tits that jiggle with every step and keep me hiding in the house, too ashamed of my body and my stupidity to even go outside. that doesn’t stop the world from finding out about my degradation, of course. about a month into my new life, just as i’m coming out of my deep depression enough to start planning some kind of escape, my boyfriend sits me down to watch a porno together.

i’ve been going along with this little routine - it’s better than when he pressures me for sex, and usually he’ll just put on some degrading straight porn and jerk off on my tits to it - but i instantly recognize the setting of the video. it’s our bedroom. the bed where he so often forces me into such humiliating positions, where he makes me ride his cock with my fat udders slapping my chest with every bounce, where he stretches my helpless pussy and fills me with cum every night. it’s all here in HD. from the angle, it looks like there’s a camera on the bookshelf somewhere. i feel so sick.

‘big titty plastic bimbo creams herself riding raw dick!’ there are almost three thousand views. my face, twisted in shame and discomfort as i’m fucked with my giant tits and shaved pussy on full display, is in every shot. even while i was camming for money, i made sure i could never be identified. at this rate, everyone will see my new ‘true’ self. there’s nothing i can do.

[littleoddwriter]

heyday just got my period sucks super bad haha so my comfort character now has to suffer- could i get transzsasz on his period?

Agony | Roman Sionis & Victor Zsasz

Hey! I hadn't planned on writing any more today, but then I got your request and I couldn't leave you alone in your times of need. I hope you'll be okay and that perhaps this fic can help you through the worst of it. You've got this, mate. <3

summary; Zsasz is on his shark week and in a lot of pain. Surprisingly, Roman is trying his best to help him, eventually.

notes; TW // Periods; Period Cramps; Gender Dysphoria; Feelings of Agony; Intrusive Thoughts; Mentioned Self-Harm/Self-Mutilation. Hurt/Comfort in a way; Domestic (in the end); Trans!Victor Zsasz.

It was that time of the month for Zsasz, and he couldn’t have been closer to taking his favourite knife and driving it into his abdomen to relieve himself.

Not only were the cramps worse than usual – or at least seemed that way – but he felt extremely dysphoric and was so fucking irritated.

He had almost snapped at Roman multiple times this morning. Luckily, he’s been able to catch himself every time still, but he didn’t know how much longer he could do that. It wasn’t his boss’s fault that he was in so much pain and he was supposed to protect and support him, not yell at him. That was Roman’s duty to do with everyone below him; which was everyone.

Wasn’t it just so fucking ironic that he was in so much pain that he could hardly bear it, though? He loved pain, craved it even. He fucking cut himself almost every day after freeing someone, so that it barely hurt anymore at all. But the pain that came with… it… was just so much fucking worse than any wound could ever be. It was pure agony, really.

Internally, he was screaming, wanting it to stop so badly. He didn’t want this shit, didn’t fucking need it. This part of his bodily functions was so useless to him, and he wished his body would have gotten the memo by now and work with him, instead of against.

No such luck, though.

Victor was hunched over, where he’s been standing next to Roman, who’s been talking with some business guy for the past hour. It wasn’t too noticeable that he was bent over a little more than usual, since his posture was always bad like that anyway. He just hoped his expression was as blank as usual, too, because he really didn’t feel like it. He could even feel sweat bead on his forehead.

He’s been so lost in his agonised thoughts that he’s startled a little, when all of a sudden Roman was right in his face, looking him over, searching for something in his expression.

Normally, he’d love having Roman so close, his attention only on him, but right now, he was so close to ripping his head off, if he so much as dared to say the wrong thing.

“What’s wrong with you, Victor?” Sionis asked, sounding – concerned? Was that what his concern sounded like? Zsasz couldn’t possibly tell.

“Nothing, boss. ‘M fine,” he muttered, albeit his voice sounded more strained than he’d have liked. Stupid voice, always betrayed him at the worst times.

Roman looked unimpressed. “You know I always need you at your best, Mr. Zsasz, don’t you? And I can’t shake the feeling that today you certainly are not at your best. Am I wrong?”

“I’m fine, boss. I swear, I’m ready to protect you, no matter what,” Victor lied through his teeth. He wouldn’t dare to admit that, no, Roman wasn’t wrong – He really wasn’t at his best today. Stupid bloody time of the month that no one fucking needed, he thought.

“I really don’t like being lied to. Especially not by my most trusted man. So I’ll ask again. And this time you’d better tell me the fucking truth, ‘kay? Are you at your best today, and if not, what’s wrong with you?”

Victor swallowed thickly, his mind running wild with possible answers that sounded true enough that he might get away with them. On another note, Roman knew Zsasz was trans. And they shared the penthouse, which meant that he’d know what was wrong with him that day sooner or later anyway. Stupid sanitary protection.

Sighing deeply, Victor relented; he didn’t want to lie to Roman, not unless he really had to for his safety, “It’s that time of the month for me, right now. So, you know. I’m in pain, is all.”

“What do you mean ‘that time of the month’?” Roman asked, so genuinely that Zsasz almost laughed in his face. Fuck, he was so uneducated in some areas, but Victor couldn’t blame him. He wasn’t the most educated person, either.

“I’m on my period, boss,” Zsasz dead-panned.

Realisation hit Roman like a truck, his eyebrows climbing up his forehead, understanding overcoming him in shock, and then he looked so mortified and disgusted that it amused Victor a little.

“Ew, Zsasz! Fuck…” Sionis shoved him a little in reaction. Not good.

A shock-wave of pain overcame Victor as his muscles contracted in the most agonising way possible and he felt himself leaking – fuck, it was so disgusting. He doubled over, holding his middle, and groaned. He was so lucky they’d been alone then.

“Fuck, shit, Victor! What the fuck!” Roman exclaimed, taking a step back. “C’mon, you must've felt worse pain in your life. I’m sure it can’t be that bad.”

Zsasz glared at his boss from where he was bent over still, breathing deeply, trying to calm himself. Roman just lifted his hands in a placating manner, looking only a little apologetic.

“Fine, maybe it is that bad. What can I do to help you?”

“You don’t have to do anything, boss. Not your job.”

“I’m aware of that, thank you very much for that observation, Victor," Roman replied sarcastically - he was such a bitch - but then his voice softened a little, "I’m offering you my help, so you’d better take me up on that, ‘kay?”

“Fine. Some pain-killers and a heat pad or some shit like that usually does the trick. Then I’d just have to find a position that doesn’t have me screaming in agony.”

“’Kay. I can do that,” Roman nodded. Then he stopped short, looking at Victor curiously – unsure, “Uh- Should I help you upstairs first?”

He was really trying, wasn’t he? It was kind of cute if Zsasz was to be honest.

“No, I’ll be fine. Thanks.”

Victor finally stood more up-right again, most of the sudden up-tick on the pain scale having gone back down again, and started going towards the stairway to the penthouse. Sionis was right behind him and Zsasz could feel his eyes boring into his back, a shiver running down his spine in response.

A little while later, the pain-killers Roman’s gotten him had started to take effect, easing some of the agonising cramps. In addition, he was holding a hot-water bag, which was covered in orange fuzz, against his abdomen. The best position he’s found was lying on his back on the chaise longue with his legs elevated, which was achieved by having them positioned on Roman’s thighs, who kept stroking Victor’s own in a soothing pattern.

It was disgustingly domestic, but exactly what he needed. Maybe Roman would be willing to go out on a limb for him every time he was struck by his body’s disastrous nature. More likely, he was going to ignore this has ever happened and never do it again for him, though.

Both were fine outcomes for Victor, really. He was content with the way it was at this moment.

[rantingcrocodile]

You're so much kinder than me. Im just getting to the point where I'm sick of seeing people harming themselves and acting superior for it. I'm sick of trans people acting like victims. I'm sick of the almost munchausen syndrome theyre happily inflicting and creating for themselves. There's nothing wrong with you, stop acting like there is! I'm feeling very....I had to grow the fuck up, you can too. You're acting like a child. Grow the fuck up. I was dysphoric too, for many years. I get it. But sometimes my sympathy just wears thin. You're literally self harming. Planning these surgeries and hormones is NO different then when I stabbed my leg with a knife and went to the ER. Honestly, having undergone surgeries not related to SH, I think they're hurting themselves even worse. Its just acceptable, brutal self harm and friend....I am tried. Thank you for letting me rage vent.

I genuinely can't speak because I've never felt dysphoria and I can't relate to those feelings.

I understand your point more about the "dysphorics" that are putting themselves through all that because of social contagion and nothing else, but I do feel sympathy for those women who have genuine dysphoria, and the men who have so much internalised homophobia that they believe that transitioning is the only choice.

I also can't say there's "nothing wrong" with the actual dysphorics, because they wouldn't go through all that if they didn't genuinely feel like there was no other choice for them to try and find some kind of happiness. I do personally see it as self-harm, but I worry that rage and frustration sent their way would do nothing but push them away and automatically rebel against what we're actually trying to say.

Online, there's nothing really that we can do aside from offer space to talk and get written support over to them. We can't stop adults from doing whatever they want to do to themselves, no matter how harmful it is.

You're always welcome to come and vent here though, of course you are! I can only imagine how frustrating it is for you from your perspective, so it makes perfect sense that you need to rant too. I get it, I really do.

[incorrect-mha-bnha]

Trans Bakugou HC????

His first genuine smile happened after waking up from top surgery to see himself finally weightless after years of drowning. No one would ever forget how bright and alive he seemed as tears fell down his face in the hospital. Kirishima could have sworn to hearing a laugh slip through at one point, but of course that was denied.

Bakugou designed his hero suit to be a cross tank because he assumed his top surgery would have been done by then but sadly, kidnapping and hero bs got in the way. Now he has to wear sports bras under it until the appointment can be booked. Leaving him pissed and just slightly dysphoric out and about which helps aid his sour mood while training.

My poor boy Bakugou has D cups. Pray for him😔...No, but for real. The size of his unfortunate lumps caused a lot of dysphoria while wearing his hero suit. (Going back to the previous bullet) Because of their size, it was a lot harder to bind to satisfactory which led to a lot of methods being used until he just said fuck it and started weight lifting. (For those who don’t know, weight lifting turns breast tissue into muscle and some other cool pectoral shit. I know this because my Ma is a personal trainer.) It shrunk him down a few sizes while building muscle, giving the illusion of pecs so wearing a sports bra was bearable.

Bakugou went through many phases of figuring out who he wanted to be (that’s obvious but I’m not talking about gender wise) in terms of style and personality. He tried different types of styles until one stuck, now he looks like a gremlin in baggy clothes (on occasions). He also went through a makeup phase to try and darken his features.

When Bakugou is really dysphoric, he hunches over and grumbles a lot. Everyone usually stays away, discounting Midoriya and Kirishima. Them being the bravest and brightest always gang up on Bakugou to help bring his spirits and confidence up. Even let him get the anger out with a rough spar.

Bakugou changes in the bathroom of the locker room to avoid invasive eyes (Mineta) or is released 5 minutes early by his teachers to get a head start.

During his pre-top surgery days, Bakugou would wear a baggy shirt into the pool But practically avoided it altogether. The first person to really get him comfortable enough to uncross his arms in the pool, given that they somehow coaxed him in, was Kirishima.

Bakugou was never self conscious about his height, being visited by the height fairy during puberty but his hips and chest? Count them as life ruiners. Baby had so many dysphoria episodes in front of the mirror that he turned into an angry introvert.

T does a lot of shit to your body, one of those being heightening your aggression levels. If Bakugou was already slightly aggressive to begin with, his pleasancey took a nose dive after starting T.

Sigh, back on my KiriBaku bs but anyway. THE FIRST PERSON TO EVER CALL BAKUGOU MANLY WAS KIRISHIMA. AND THAT SHIT HIT DIFFERENTLY.

Uhmmm pro hero Bakuhou starting a fundraiser for trans kids and adults who are homeless, jobless (Aka struggling), in need of support or looking for others like them, searching for clarity, even protection. Bakugou is like the trans Jesus, that is all.

He literally hates what he feels like when someone points out that his mother and him look alike. Yeah, he fucking gets it but is there a need to point it out? Damn.

COMMITS himself to doing regular vocal excersises to lower his voice, even with T. His usual gruff tone is to mask the voice cracks he gets on the hormones, because that would be embarrassing.

When Bakugou got the call that he was going to get top surgery, he literally blew his phone up with so much excitment then burst into tears.

Showers suck- nuff said.

Midoriya was the first person to ever know about Bakugou being trans. So, he started bullying Midoriya into silence but soon realized the boy wouldn’t have uttered a word anyway and simply wanted to help and be there for him. Of course, Bakugou, being young and new to the life change, wanted everyone who had once known him as a girl to be gone. That meant he would try and remove Midoriya from his life for good but the green boy just kept on bouncing back. Imagine his surprise to know the one person with his secret would be attending high school with him. Shit got flipped.

All of the girls carry extra supplies for emergencies. Bakugou does too but sometimes a p*riod (I bleep because it can be a sensitive topic) just pops out of nowhere. It gets him frustrated and embarrassed whenever he isn’t prepared but the girls somehow always know the right timing to whisk him off to help or stealthily stuff some things into his pocket as they cross paths. It’s like a cartel of drugs but the girls are being true friends with pads in the end. Kirishima even got on the bandwagon and started carrying supplies for whoever may need it.

Bakugou refused to wear tampons, shit was a no go.

In the beginning, Bakugou would frequently steal one of the girl’s heating pads whenever the pain got unbearable. They hardly minded but Momo gifted him one as a present. He uses it all the time.

After he came out and became comfortable, Bakugou would joke about donating his lumps to the girls that bitched about being small chested. (We are looking at you Jirou). “Free unfortunate lumps for sale! I don’t want them, take the damn things!”, “Hey! Give me your chest, switch with me!”

Bakugou is a night dweller for many reasons. 1.) Time to not bind and give himself a break while doing stretches. 2.) snacks are Free real estate 3.) It’s easier to not bind while everyone isn’t there to witness him walking to relieve tension.

Bakugou once heard that frequent conception of coffee leads to a decrease in breast size by 0.3 cups. Bakugou ended up consuming so much that he stayed up for a total of 72 hours, almost overdosed, couldn’t sit still, finished everyone’s homework plus his own, deep cleaned the entire dorm and trained until he crashed. Now, he hates the taste of it but swears that his little shits shrunk a whole cup.

Imma say this loudly because it’s my favorite hc mostly because it’s what I do. BAKUGOU HATES WEARING LIGHT COLORS, THE BIGGEST FUCK NO GOS OUT TO WHITE SHIRTS. HE PREFERS TO WEAR DARK COLORS BECAUSE HIS BINDER IS BLACK. THE ONLY REASON HE WEARS HIS UNFORM, BEGRUDGINGLY, IS BECAUSE THE MATERIAL ISNT SEE THROUGH AND IT IS ALSO CRUMPLY. AKA, EASILY COVERS HIM UP BY GOING A SIZE UP.

His waist in snatched thanks to those bitch ass hips.

His first post surgery outfit was a very thin material white shirt because fuck yeah, get a view of his binder less chest under there!

Bakugou wears headphones while going about in public for a few reasons. 1.) He doesn’t like interacting with people and the headphones usually wards them off from bothering him. 2.) Loud music in his ears tends to tune out people misgendering him and transphobes being chucklefucks.

Bakugou got his respect to be called a guy from his family by blatantly ignoring anyone who called him by his deadman and/or used the wrong pronouns. “Bitch, suddenly I can’t hear. I don’t know who you think you are calling.”

Bakugou is very proud of any hair that grows on his body. (Sigh, take that how you wish). Literally prances around the UA grounds showing off even the tineiest hint of a beard, and raves over his growing leg hair.

Bakugou’s favorite movie is Mulan, fight me on that.

Bakugou’s life zeal is Be Trans Throw Hands

More to be added

Part 2

Part 3

[queeroids]

genuine question: why did u go on those rants about the “clown girl” and deadname them? Did u fall into the truscum pipeline or something? I completely get you may have changed but none of ur tiktoks gave me the impression u regret saying those things? Do you still believe they shouldn’t have transitioned or something bc they’re into clowncore?

(Sorry this is gonna be formatted weird because I’m on mobile)

The post(s) I made about that classmate of mine were totally unnecessary and fucking weird. I’m honestly surprised I straight up said his name and then DEADNAMED him on my public blog because even that is a bit far for whatever place I was in right at the beginning of 2020. And now with all the publicity my receipts blog got, countless people have seen that information about him. It was not my place to gauge whether or not someone is “actually dysphoric” and to rip into his interests like that. The clown stuff was honestly pretty cool and the costumes were done well, like that was like his whole thing. Also, your interests do not dictate whether you can call yourself trans or not. He’s a genuinely nice guy who never did anything wrong to me, so for me to go online and be cruel like that is so fucked up. I don’t think that he “shouldn’t transition,” because I am not him and I do not know anything about him or his life. Only you can know what is right for yourself, and nobody else can make that decision for you, especially not a bitter classmate who you barely interact with anyways. From what I saw of him before he blocked me, he seemed like he was living his best life, and even if he wasn’t, who am I to make those assumptions about him? I made those posts because I felt threatened by him, but I was also very jealous because I would not allow myself to consider transition for ideological reasons, so other trans people making decisions for themselves pissed me off. I thought that it was unfair that someone I perceived to not be dysphoric because of how he presented (what the hell? how you dress doesn’t mean anything) could come out and start pursuing medical transition when I, a “Real Dysphoric” couldn’t do that. I was an incredibly insecure person in high school with a terrible attitude. I bought into that whole "we’re losing all our lesbians!1!!!1!” attitude and I genuinely thought that it was my job to be The Last Female Identifying GNC Lesbian BATTLING gender dysphoria without medical or social intervention at my school. That was a weight I did not need to carry, I should have just stayed out of trans people’s business. There’s so much I could say about this because I genuinely feel so awful for making those posts about him, this is definitely in my top 10 worst things i’ve ever done to someone. I think those posts are from February or March of 2020 because I remember it was when he came out and we were all still in person at school, and that is just so recent. Like I really just looked at him minding his own business, going about life, and decided to type up a whole rant about him.

You are probably referring to my 2015 tumblr kids videos when you said my tiktoks don’t give you the impression that I’ve changed. I understand why you may think there’s malicious intent behind those videos or I’m weaving bigotry into them, especially with the things I’ve said in the past, but I actually try really hard to separate past biases from those videos. They are purely made for that 2015 smol bean tumblr nostalgia. The way I dress in those videos is extremely similar to how I dressed when I was younger, and the conversations in the videos are based heavily on things that happened to me and the individual I make the videos with/things we witnessed. The characters are based off of my 12-15 year old self. I’m not making fun of modern day lgbt youth, because everything happening in those videos is incredibly dated and specific to 2013-2017. Personally, I really like Frisk and Terezi, and try to make it clear that they’re supposed to be likeable in this endearing, yet cringey nostalgic way. When I left my “gsa kid” phase behind, I genuinely did resent my peers still going through that stuff for reasons that I fabricated myself. It was actually not for straight approval, I just had my own convoluted reasoning that I fabricated myself to hate on them. When I see quirky gay youth now (and it’s been like this for a while), I feel a kinship with them. Like I see myself in them and it makes me really happy to see that kids are still doing their thing. I guess that’s what growing up does, but yeah. My 2015 nostalgia videos are not supposed to be consumed by homophobic straight people, and they shouldn’t be used as justification to dunk on cringey lgbt youth. It pisses me the hell off when I see comments like “people like this are the reason I went through my sjw phase,” or “these people sent me back into the closet and made me hate hay people” because that’s not the point of the videos, and damn... Ok weirdo, at least I never had a alt right lite phase. I simply like to dress up with my video accomplice and act out things from my youth that I know people are gonna relate to. In the future, I will address these comments. I hope this is an alright response.

[bondsmagii]

what embarassing/annoying things lgbt people do online? I dont spend a lot of time on the internet outside of my niche so im genuinely curious

god where do I even start… to be honest I’ve always been wary of communities in general because personal experience has taught me that things get weird fast, but I’ve never seen anything quite like LGBT circles online. some of the things I notice fairly frequently:

making everything about being LGBT to a freaky level; I just don’t think it’s healthy to have your gender and/or sexuality be your entire personality

related to this, making everything the x experience – the gay experience, the trans experience, etc. many of the things mentioned are things that everyone experiences, and most disturbingly, many of the things lauded as the x experience are actually symptoms of extreme trauma (feeling like there’s something inherently wrong with you, feeling lonely, constantly yearning but not knowing for what, etc). even if this trauma is related to your being LGBT, it isn’t healthy and people shouldn’t be accepting it as normal and encouraging it in others. trauma isn’t natural.

the top/bottom thing. like. ugh. I’m a dude in a relationship with another dude so this really makes me uncomfortable. the importance put on if someone is a top or a bottom, assigning personality traits to people based on this, saying stupid shit like “bottoms can’t park” or whatever, and just the extreme fascination with if someone is a top or a bottom… it’s very fetishising. even if people are talking about themselves, that’s still a detail of your sexual life that I do not want to know. it’s not appropriate to talk like that in front of strangers.

going on from this, how overly sexual a large chunk of the community seems to be. it’s not appropriate. I know this one isn’t LGBT specific, but in my personal experiences my straight/cis friends do not talk like this, but if someone finds out I’m LGBT too, they seem to think it’s fine to start talking in detail about their sex life/ask me invasive questions about mine. it’s not fine.

the really fetishising treatment of male/male couples even in the LGBT community is really… not good. my relationship isn’t a cute commodity that only exists for your fandoms.

the misandry is absolutely atrocious. lesbians are out there thinking it’s fine to declare men useless just because they don’t need us for sex; bi women are out there lamenting the fact they’re attracted to us disgusting men and why couldn’t they just be a lesbian. I’ve even seen bi women say they’re going to just ignore their attraction to men and choose women, perpetrating harmful myths that a) you can choose your sexuality and b) bisexuals are just faking and are capable of just “picking a side”.

the community has an extreme problem with policing one another and a lot of issues that they spend time and energy debating are pointless and just stupid, if I’m honest.

the fact that vehement hate is seen as OK so long as it’s directed against straight, cis people. it’s not.

the fact that cis, straight people can’t even mention the above point without being ripped apart, ridiculed, harrassed, insulted, and threatened is also not OK.

the diluting of actual important terms. “transphobia” and “homophobia” grow murkier by the day; people are being accused of these incredibly serious prejudices over stupid Tumblr arguments that rarely have anything to do with actual issues or aggressions.

the idea that if you’re LGBT you’re automatically free of blame, innocent, can do no wrong, etc. there are nasty people of every gender and sexuality. you’re not except from being abusive, oppressive, etc just because you yourself are a minority.

the fact that people out there reclaiming “queer” think they can call everyone in the LGBT community “queer” and if someone protests they’re “speaking over” them or setting back the movement or whatever. I have no problem if you identify that way, but I am not queer. I’m bi.

at least on this website it’s L rather than LGBT: ➡ gay men are shat on almost as badly as straight men, unless they’re trans, and then they’re treated like cute uwu transboys who are somehow exempt from the hatred levelled at cis men, proving that these people don’t see them as “real” men. ➡bi people (if acknowledged as bi and not just the umbrella term “gay”) suffer from a whole lot of internal prejudices, with bi women being seen/encouraged to be “lesbians” and bi men just not fucking mentioned at all. also we’re usually completely forgotten about; characters can’t be bi, they have to be gay (and shipping them with a member of the opposite sex is seen as “erasure”) or they’re straight. ➡ trans people get incredible amounts of transphobia within the community from cis LGBT people; trans men, as mentioned above, aren’t treated as “real” men and are seen as Men Lite™, and the arguments for this (that they don’t share the same chemical biology as men; that they were “raised as girls”) are transphobic and also dysphoric as hell. trans women get shit from all sides and there’s an incredible TERF problem in the community, especially among lesbians. 

basically everyone is infighting, perpetrating harmful myths, speaking over people, forcing adherence to behaviours many might not be comfortable with, and generally being generalising, inappropriate, and wholly embarrassing. the way the community has got on over the last few years alone has probably set the movement back a decade.

[newtgeiszler]

You don’t have to believe it but I happen to care about and respect your opinion specifically since I’ve been following you a long time. I’ve seen all of your fandoms. Pacific Rim, It, One Punch Man, My Hero Academia, TFTB. I was honestly asking you to convert ME by helping me understand your experience better and I offered my perspective but I guess that doesn’t appeal to you either which is fair enough since I’m anonymous.

you know what? maybe it's because some time has passed since you first came here but i respect that... a little. i think you definitely could have approached me a lot more respectfully. even if your tone wasn't intentionally rude it ended up being rude anyway. it's very difficult to respond to walls of text through the tumblr inbox, especially on mobile, where i can't look back on your message and reread it so i can more easily respond point by point.

if you're being genuine then i will be a little nicer, but the comparisons i made to being "skeptical" of other marginalized weren't for nothing. every argument a terf makes, no matter how convincing it is from a certain perspective, is just as backwards as any other right wing bigoted hate speech. think of how easily people can be convinced that immigration is bad despite how ridiculous that seems to a seemingly rational person. you know how they spread ideas like that? cherry picking, the favorite strategy of terfs everywhere. if ever seen a 100 link post showing incidences of trans people being evil and think "damn, what a good argument." wrong! and no, not just because it hurts trans people's feelings, it's objectively wrong. collecting a bunch of sources that agree with your opinion is not an intellectually honest way to prove a point. there could very well be just as many sources that prove the opposite point, your sources could have a right wing bias, there could be repeats (this is something i see a lot in those terf megalink posts) and most of the time it doesn't even prove the point on a basic level. like for example, you could give me 300 articles of trans women committing rape and they could all be unique stories and honorable journalism. what would that prove? you can't use that to extrapolate that trans women commit rape more often than cis women because you're not presenting a comparison. this is literally the kind of shit you learn in high school.

now i know what you're gonna say, "but i'm not saying trans women are rapists, i'm asking you why trans people are the genders they say they are" which is fair and i'll get to that but the reason why i even bring this up is because bigotry is always bigotry. i don't think there really is a quintessential difference between saying "trans women aren't women" and saying "trans women are rapists." they are both saying that trans women can't get the resources they need from feminism despite the fact that they provably have a high rate of suffering misogynistic violence.

culture changes. at a certain time, trans women might say "i am a biological male but i'm a woman" and they may tack on "spiritually" if they felt that way about it. or maybe "socially." but now some trans people will say our sex is already our gender. why? because they both exist on spectrums--which is something i hope you're already aware of--and are, as a result, both constructs. this is where a lot of "skeptics" get lost: "sex isn't a construct, it's physical. it's your genitals, your chromosomes, your secondary sex characteristics etc etc." exactly, right? so if your sex is a series of physical characteristics why do people--like you, who just said this--say "sex doesn't change" when all of those but one (chromosomes--and most people aren't that interested in changing that and there isn't much purpose to anyway) can change. how is changing almost every single characteristic of your sex not changing your sex? simply because i can't change the one characteristic that absolutely no one can see--except a geneticist who i may or may not ever consult in my life! really, when your only thread of saying i'm for sure female is getting my chromosomes analysed that's not much of an argument for material reality is it. no i mean think about it like a human being, not a computer or something. i'm "not technically male" because i've got xx chromosomes the same way i'm "not technically human" because when you think about it i'm really just atoms. "but it's not the same" you say "being male and have xx chromosomes are mutually exclusive, being a human and being atoms are not." kay why? everything has meaning because of what people ascribe to it. why is being a human a meaningful distinction from being a clump of atoms? why are my chromosomes meaningful when they will never do anything in my life? why am i not a male when the whole world's perception of me is colored by the gender they see me as and vice versa? but those chromosomes will never be on anyone's mind unless they are a bigot (or i guess a geneticist if i ever need one for some strange reason)

kay, this is a lot, this is so much. this is a huge conversation with a lot, a LOT of ground, especially at 4:30 am and i haven't slept. especially publicly. it's not easy to put me on the spot and be like "defend your right to be seen as how you perceive yourself." i can give you a lot of answers that are backed politically, sociologically, and scientifically--and maybe i will a little later, but that's really hard right now because that's so much to parse--but the shortest and possibly the best answer because it's the nice thing to do is to just take trans people's understanding of ourselves at our word. i know i'm not the nicest person, i often wish i was a lot nicer than i am. it can be very difficult to be kind to people when life is so frustrating and complicated. but being skeptical of trans people because you personally don't understand it is a particular cruelness. why am i a man? because i can look in the mirror and say, and KNOW, "i am happier with the word perceiving me as a man" and no, mysterious stranger, by that i don't mean "i would be happier if i didn't experience sexism or have periods" because unfortunately, i still do experience sexism, and while i don't really have periods, i do get dysphoric. i am happier being CALLED a man, i am happier being given a man's name by my mom, i am happier having changed that name legally, i am happier with a little "m" on my driver's license, i am happier with a family where every single person who i see regularly respects my gender--calls me their brother, their son, their grandson, their nephew. i am not in a relationship but i would be happy to be called a boyfriend or a husband. i am happy considering myself a part of the mlm community. and for every single one of those things i would be miserable to have it any other way. i lived that life. i know which side makes me happier. it's very easy for me to see that i am a trans man, and it's something a cis person would never understand. but i don't understand what it's like to experience a lot of things. doesn't mean i have any right to be skeptical those experiences exist. again, the parallels to other bigotry are inescapable. mras will say misogyny isn't real because they don't know what it's like to experience it. lack if empathy is not a valid argument

i am trying to wrap this up so i'll just end it on one more thing: i hope i've given you something to think about, but if you don't change your mind, that won't mean i'm wrong. i never claimed to be the best debater in the first place, but in any case, i watch a lot of leftubers, a lot of debunking anti-sjw vids, a lot of prageru debunking vids, etc etc. i've seen the insane levels of gish galloping some leftists have tasked themselves with debunking for a fucking job. i know that 99.9% of the time it falls on deaf ears. it sucks. maybe this huge wall of text will be another one to fall on deaf ears. maybe it won't. but for now if i still haven't convinced you i would at least like to ask that you watch some leftubers. pretty much any leftuber. there's loads of great ones. some controversial ones but i like a lot of them too. pretty much all of them, from the feminists to the marxists to the anarchists, are all pro trans. being anti trans is pretty out of fashion for all but two groups of people: right wingers and terfs. like, if i made a comprehensive list of everyone with public opinions on trans people you'd see a lot more dogshit on the transphobe side than the ally side. you ever think it's maybe not a good thing if right wingers are doing it?

i hope this brick shithouse of a post finds you well. try not to be an asshole in the future. peace ✌

[werevulvi]

At this point I feel like I'm just floating between two identities. Like what does it really matter what I decide to call myself? Says the desperate and jaded. I feel like I need to juggle my two different perspectives for a while. I will mostly use tumblr for it when I lean more gender critical, and probably use fb instead when I lean more towards trans thinking, until I figure this shit out for sure. Thus, I will keep being a dysphoric woman here on tumblr, and nonbinary on my fb account. That way I can juggle my two conflicting sides without feeling too much pressure to "just make sense already."

To clarify, my views are mainly gender critical, but it wouldn't be wrong to say that I'm still flirting with TRA views on gender, dysphoria and transition. Essentially, bio sex is the only actually scientifically proven and tangible thing about this all. Laws etc should be based on sex. Sexual attraction is based on sex. Then dysphoria is also a real medical condition, like it's an actual distress and I don't think it's solely caused by social factors. There are lots of different types of dysphoria, alright. As for gender, however... I don't believe in it, but... basically I just respect that other people have an inner sense of gender (like that's their interpretation of their feelings) while I'm still highly critical of WHY they have that interpretation. And I can’t fit myself into my old thinking of gender at all anymore. It is completely alien to me. The spell has broken and I cannot cast it again.

As for my dysphoria, basically what I'm dealing with is (a probably very rare kind of) atypical dysphoria. I like some aspects of female on my body, but not all. I like some aspects of male on my body, but not all. I feel like I should look like a hybrid of male and female, and I feel both belonging and disconnect to/from womanhood and manhood. It is a constant push and pull in both directions, uncomfortably kneading me into a serene middle-ground. That middle-ground is not a compromise; it is a very peaceful and harmonic place for me to be. It's where I'm relieved of my dysphoria. I used to avoid it my whole life, until I finally stopped fighting myself. There is tranquility here, at this inbetween, that I didn't know existed. I'm clearly dysphoric, but I am not FtM - I'm FtX. I do not give a single fuck if you think nonbinary is real or not. What I'm telling you now is: this is my dysphoria and it simply is what it is. Then what you wish to call it and what I wish to call it does not matter.

Anyhow. I just wanted to give that little debrief of my dysphoria so that you'd hopefully understand why I'm struggling so much with labels, because it's not so straight-forward. Another thing I very much want to clarify is that labels are means of communication for me - NOT identity. Just like I use the label lesbian to communicate what my sexual orientation is. That has a clear purpose. For the same reason we call ourselves men or women: it has a clear purpose. Then my question to myself, my oh so eternal question, is: what is the best label for me to communicate to others what I am and/or how I wish to be perceived?

Problem 1: What I wish to communicate (that I'm a bio female person who's happily transitioned) is not the same as what I wish to be seen as (person of indeterminate gender.)

I don't know how to feel about that what I'm mostly assumed to be a male who identifies as a woman. Do I feel bad, ashamed or guilty, for looking like a bad stereotype of trans women? Yes. I think I fear that I will come across as mocking trans women, because my looks are deliberate. I feel bad for copying gnc men. My affinity for feminine stuff like lipstick and dresses, and my absolute refusal to let go of those things, makes me feel guilty in a feminist sense. I don't believe that the way I use femininity is harmful for myself, because I've adapted it to fit my needs of comfort as well as my social goals with it. It is not sexual, it is not restraining or hindering. It is not adhering to societal standards of beauty - if anything it's mocking that.

Yes, I am mocking femininity, but I also use it because it makes me feel less naked, and more expressive. I'm always accompanying my femininity with strong masculine features such as deliberately visible facial hair and body hair, etc. My femininity is not my womanhood, but it is a highly important way for me to express my personality, symbolically. I do not want for people to oogle my naked body, or a careless sack of clothing that I've rushed into - I want for them to see my personality, so that they'll get an idea of who I am before talking to me. But despite all that... I still feel guilty for being genuinely feminine. How can I be authentic, if no matter where I turn, I feel guilt, shame, or fear?

Problem 2: As soon as I claim the nonbinary label I miss calling myself a woman, and as soon as I claim myself as a woman, I miss calling myself nonbinary.

Do I have a gender? Yes and no. It depends on how I look at it. Do I need to have a gender? Not really, but it's easier in most aspects of socialising if I do, because of my appearance. Do I want to have a gender? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

I feel like I went into the gender store and bought too many. Now I sit here with a useless pile of trash that cost a fortune. I am terrified to get rid of it. There will be consequences if I do. I've been building up to this moment for almost two years. I am still building up to it. The pile is stinking and I need to take it out to the garbage disposal, but I can't make myself do it. What if I'll need it later? I'm too nostalgic for my own good.

Problem 3: When I don't want to have a gender I'm a proud woman based on my sex, but when I do want a gender, nonbinary feels more right. I can't really make a gender in my brain and then stick to it. I keep picking it up, then tossing it away, then picking it up, then tossing it away, and so on. I want to have the gender cake and eat it at the same time. Sometimes I feel proud to be woman, who takes testosterone and loves her lesbian pussy. But then it gets increasingly uncomfortable and I'd just rather not be anything specific. Then I flip to view myself as a hybrid of man and woman and that feels comfortable and uplifting. Until it doesn't anymore and I miss taking pride in being a woman, and I just don't know what the fuck is up with that.

Perhaps my "identity" is split off from my dysphoria? I dunno what I meant with that thought. Perhaps it came from my lack of social dysphoria. It's just social anxiety over looking weird.

Oh I wish I could try living in a perfect society with no sexism, and see if I'd then always be comfortable with calling myself a woman and freely be this bearded, deep-voiced, charming lady in a gothy dress, wine red lipstick and a pearl necklace, with no need to beat myself up for not being "woman enough." Because I worry that is why I keep reaching for the nonbinary label. Maybe it is out of fear? Maybe the reason I feel good about calling myself nonbinary is rooted in just wanting to be left alone to be a beautifully virilized woman, because I'm never given the chance to be that kinda woman.

It breaks my heart. You know that? You should.

No matter how much testosterone I take and no matter how much I love the effects of it... I am forever female and I love that too. No way in this despicable hell... would I ever want my sex erased. It's profoundly important to me, and such is my transition. I think that is why I stand with one foot in self-loving and the other in the medical result of dysphoria. My body is a cocktail of this and that, a little bit tit for tat, and I revel in its strange combination of exquisite flavours.

I feel like I have transcended the concept of gender, but as a happily transitioned, dysphoric woman, I have a very hard time conveying that to the rest of my little world, and the world at large. What is a woman who is happily transitioned to a goal that falsely mimmics the visual effects of certain intersex and hormonal conditions? Who am I to glorify the visual results of others' suffering? Oh I dunno, but I probably have more respect for them than I do for myself, if that counts as an excuse.

What am I? And how do I move forward in society, as honestly as possible?

What I am... is in the eye of the beholder. Depending on your ideology, you will have a different opinion (boldly assuming that you'd even care at all) but what I think is... there is no one correct answer. Thus, in my desperate search for that one true answer, I cannot win. All I can do is pick whatever makes me the most comfortable, but the only thing that would soothe me is the ultimate truth. (No, that's not it. Keep scrambling.)

I have become a biologist obsessed with finding the truth of God with a microscope. No wonder people are beginning to question my sanity.

("Are you okay?" Uhm no, I don't think so.)

What I need to figure out, is if gender serves me, and if "woman" serves me. But they both do, and I have to make a choice. There I stand, finding that they both serve me, unable to make a choice.

(Somewhere around here, I started going off on a tangent and lost myself in the endless whirls of my heart and mind. So I rolled back the tape, and here I am again. The rest in an over-write.)

How do I see myself? I see myself both as a woman and as nonbinary. Sometimes I need my gender, sometimes I don't. What I am is still the same, but there are many different ways to label me correctly, and THAT is what chafes at me.

Problem 4: I do not want to have a politically charged label. Woman has become a political statement for me, because of my appearance contradicting that statement, and the statement contradicts my dysphoria. It being so politically charged makes me uncomfortable. I wish to just exist as a woman, not declare myself as one. Nonbinary is equally a political statement, of rejecting gender norms which are harmful to everyone. Nonbinary strips the bearer of their sex, and releases the pressure on them to conform. There is the catch. Woman, instead strips the bearer of the freedom to not conform, but releases the pressure of gender. And there I think I've hit the nail on the head. What I wish for... is a label which does not strip me of my sex, nor forces me into conformity to look like my sex. Woman should be that label, but the only way it can ever be... is to put on that armour and fight for it, which I don't want to.

The label woman is too heavy for me, as a male-passing female, to bear in this gender-obsessed world - while nonbinary feels like a betrayal, both to myself and all other women. Nonbinary feels like a happy fantasy, until it shatters upon my realisation that it is not real. Woman feels like the powerful authenticity from the bottom of my chromosomes, until reality hits that it's a very difficult label for me to wear. Then I run away scared into my happy fantasy, but I am tired of continuously shattering and rebuilding myself.

What I want is to fully embrace my womanhood, without running back to the trans community again and again, to cry about how cruel reality is, and please validate my special trans feelings, which of course... the zombies do. I feel like I have Stockholm Syndrome for the trans community. I feel hurt by its sexism and homophobia, which is aimed directly at me as a gender-breaking woman and as a female-exclusive lesbian, yet I keep running back to it, pleading for validation as the utter coward I am! Because I am terrified of being a woman and a lesbian in the real world... while looking like this. I love the way I look, but I am scared and I am ashamed of facing my reflection with pride, as a woman. Because that means something more. It doesn't "just" mean that I'm female, it also means that when I with pride call myself a woman... I am reclaiming the one thing which I ought not to. No one shames a trans man or dysphoric enby for wanting a beard and loving taking testosterone... but the second a "cis" woman does? You know that is different. Cis is a lie, but I am real. I'm a woman, and I love testosterone flowing through my veins. My true beliefs... lie with radfem, and I'm only "making space" for gender in those beliefs to not hurt my loved ones' feelings.

How am I supposed to handle and move beyond this? Will it ever get easier?

Problem 5: It's not the nonbinary bush I have been beating around... it's the radfem bush. I have not been honest about my sense of self, anywhere else than here on tumblr. I do not want a gender label on my feelings. Gender is so harmful and I need to stop being its martyr. Can I accept and respect other people for having genders? Sure, whatever, I don't particularly care what people choose to call their feelings, as long as laws aren't being built around those feelings. But I can't for the life of me stop squirming at the idea of ME having a gender again. It is uncomfortable. Get the fucking parasite off me! Gender has been poisoning me again lately. It was a mistake to look into it again. It has been clouding my vision, because I forgot what truly matters: To look like whichever gender expression I wish, to act out whichever gender role I want, to treat my dysphoria however I see fit for myself, but not to lie about what I am: female=woman.

Problem 6: I am free without gender, but I am also incredibly vulnerable. As if I was completely naked before the whole world. Then even wearing a clown suit feels better in comparison.

Solution: I need to break up with the trans community. That toxic relationship has been going on for way too long now. I don't care if I lose all of my friends over it. I need to break free, and liberate my womanhood, because I have been shackling her. No matter how hard it is. I need to face my fear, guilt and shame. I need to tell myself that it's okay to hurt, but that it will get better. I need to stop reaching for nonbinary whenever I feel scared and ashamed to be a woman. I can cry about how hard it is... but never give up.

My dysphoria does not define me, and I refuse to let it.

[koncreates]

this is a real question and not trying to be mocking, feel free to not post if u dont want and discourse ((if this counts as it)) but is it transphobic to not want to date//have a sexual relationship a, lets say a transwomen, while being a lesbian because youre not... attracted to dick? if that makes sense? not that youre denying shes a women, but u dont like dick? im sorry if this is wrong. im just wondering

I am extremely not an authority on this since I neither have a penis nor am a lesbian, and I will be honest that this ask sounds a fuckton like bait to get me to say something transphobic or lesbophobic.  But, like a fool hoping that it is a genuine question and giving you the benefit of the doubt, I’m going to do my level best to answer it for you!

Just to set the record straight: i’m a transmasc dude who does not experience sexual attraction or desire, in a relationship with a nonbinary person who DOES experience sexual attraction and desire.  While that’s... almost the exact opposite of what you’re asking about, I think there’s potential that i can offer a little insight.  

First of all: People should be romantically (i.e. wanting to date, if you experience romantic attraction) people to you first and foremost, not genitals.  Personality traits and hobbies and quirks and favorite colors and the sound of a laugh and the look of a smile, not a penis or vagina.

If you meet a girl and you like to hang out with her, and want to date her, but learn she is transgender and immediately recoil and lose all the attraction or positive feeling you had for her based on her personality, looks, interests, ect before knowing intimate details such as her genitalia or medical history, then yes, I would say that is transphobic. (Bolded for ease of TLDR)  

She wasn’t fooling you with being trans.  You were attracted to her just the same way you would be attracted to a cis person.  The fact that she didn’t start a conversation with “Hello, I have a penis actually” is exactly the same as how you don’t start conversations with “Hello, I don’t shave my pubic hair actually” or “Hello, I have a genetic predisposition to strokes from my mother’s side of the family.”  It is intimate information that you don’t usually share unless you are close with someone and believe you can trust them.  

HOWEVER.  The act alone of not wanting to have sex with a penis does not make you transphobic.  I will talk more on this a bit further down.

Now here’s a pitfall I think people fall in to a lot: If you find someone unattractive because of their looks, personality, politics, or whatever reason you are not attracted to them, you aren’t required to date them.  You don’t have to give a reason why you don’t want to date them, and it’s generally seen as the right thing to do that if someone who does not fit your standards of attractive asks you out, you politely turn them down.  You should never feel pressured into any relationship, and if anyone hounds you for an answer as to why you don’t want to date, that’s on them.  If you don’t know someone/don’t like their personality/don’t feel romantically attracted to them, you are not required to date them!  

Nobody is required to find any one thing attractive, but boiling a person’s entire identity down to what is in their pants is in essence dehumanizing.  An intersex girl might have a dick as well, would you feel the same way when you found out, or is it the transgender title that gets to you?  I’m not trying to be accusatory, but it’s a very important factor to think about.

If your only reason to not date someone is “she’s trans” it does still make you transphobic.  If this is the case, I really encourage you to think about why exactly you believe this.  If, according to all your other standards, you would date her, why does her being transgender matter to you?

From the letter of your ask, it sounds like you would be fine dating a girl if she had bottom surgery.  That’s intimate knowledge that you would probably only learn after dating her for a while or at the very least being friends with her for longer.  Would her status of having had surgery or not having had surgery affect your feelings for her?  I’m not saying that she would or should keep being trans a secret from you for a long time during dating, but the main takeaway here is “Would you feel revolted immediately just by hearing her say she was trans?  Would you be constantly wondering about if she had or hadn’t gotten surgery?”

I Hope this next section will be very helpful to answering your question and hopefully easing some of your fears about dating a trans person.

There is a lot more to dating than having sex, and there’s a lot more to sex than genital on genital contact!  You can go on dates and can enjoy each other’s company, you can have long talks and get sentimental, you can go out to dinner and watch lights on the water by the beach.  There is plenty to a relationship that is not sexual, and even without being asexual I think it’s an important thing to make sure you don’t form a relationship souly on the basis of sexual actions.

With that being said, there are plenty of sexual things you can do that don’t require penis-in-vagina contact?  If her penis makes you uncomfortable by existing (and if she’s dysphoric, she might feel similarly), it’s a conversation that you should have when you get to that point in your relationship.  If after dating her for a while yall decide to have sex, you should discuss ways that don’t involve penetration and don’t involve you giving her oral and, just like in any other relationship, it’s important to express boundaries.  You can figure out toys that you enjoy using on her, you can find toys you enjoy when she uses on you.  You can figure out plenty of ways to satisfy each other that do not involve touching her penis and either making you uncomfortable or her dysphoric.  It just takes communication.  

Most trans people (including myself) are ready and open for conversations like this from our significant others.  We want happy relationships, and we know that requires communication.  I don’t think your girlfriend is going to react to you saying “I’m uncomfortable with the idea of penetration/touching your penis” with rage and vitriol.  She shouldn’t, in fact.  It’s the same as if I said to my partner “I’m uncomfortable with the idea of you eating me out”.  It’s a boundary that you should share and that she should listen to.  

If you’ve been together for (however long it takes you to want to sleep with someone you date) you should both be comfortable enough with each other to act like the adults you are and have a conversation with one another.  

If any transwomen following me have something to add on or correct me on, please feel free.  Like I said, I’m a transman, and my experiences are vastly different from what theirs might be.  I am absolutely not a scholarly source to get information from.  I’m just, quite literally, some guy.  These are just my opinions based on what I’ve seen said by transwomen and lesbians.  To get a better perspective on this, you should really find a transwoman to ask off anon.

I tried to be general and think about this from the perspective of if it were “My boyfriend is uncomfortable with me having a vagina”, but there is a lot of room for error there as well.  So again, transwomen and NB people with dicks and trans lesbians and cis lesbians with trans girlfriends please feel free to add on your take and personal perspective!!

Also TERFs/SWERFs/RADFEM/Transphobes do NOT fucking touch this post or get blocked on sight.

Trumeds should also watch their step because i do not take kindly to your exclusion.

[erintoknow]

icepack

fallen hero fan fiction sidestep era chargestep ~2.2k words

------

“And then you just… POW right in the mouth!”

“Shut up!” You try not to laugh. “It was either that or let him shoot you.”

“You must really kill at the clubs.”

“Maybe I should have let him shoot you.”

“No, no, it was great. Damn, where are my keys? Oh, thanks.”

“You’d forget your own head if it wasn’t for me.”

“I’m not that bad.” The door knobs jostles as Ortega fusses with the lock. “You should’ve seen Sentinel the other week, we spent an hour looking and he had his keys the whole time.” The door swings up and light from the hallway floods into the darkened apartment. Getting through the door is a little awkward with Ortega’s arm slung over your shoulder, but the two of you manage to crab walk your way in. Ortega flips on the lights as you pass through the kitchen.

You let her lead the way to the living room, and gently sit her down on the couch. “How’s that knee feeling?”

“Like I told you, Ariadne, it’s fine.”

“Fine my ass.” You snap back. She limped the whole way home, hell you had to help her up the stairs. She’s as bad as you, you swear.

“That’s pretty fine too.”

You stiffen, the ghost of her arm still felt on your back. “You should get a professional to check on it tomorrow. Just to be safe.” You must have misheard that.

“I’ll be fine.” Ortega rubs her leg, scrunching and stretching out the fabric of the skinsuit. “You’ve certainly walked off worse.”

“Yeah well, I don’t exactly have…” You bite back the words in your mouth, swallow them down.

“What?” Ortega gives you a curious look and it’s too much. You need to escape it. Turn your back on her and retreat to the kitchen, hunting through the cabinets for plastic bags. 

“It’s nothing. Look, just get it looked at, okay?”

“Mierda, I don’t need two moms.”

“So help me god, Ortega, you should thank your lucky stars it’s me and not Tiá here telling you.”

“I don’t know whether to be ecstatic or terrified at how well you two have hit it off.”

You roll your eyes, not that Ortega can see it. “She’s just grateful someone’s out there making sure her daughter doesn’t get herself killed is all.”

“She wants you to come over for the holidays, did she tell you that?”

You pause, staring into the freezer with a handful of ice. “Huh.” The lance of cold in your hand pulls you back out of your head and you resume filling the plastic bag. “Like the day of the dead thing?”

“Dia de Muertos.”

“Yeah. That.”

“You know how I feel about parties.”

“Ari.” Her voice is sharp. “This is a private family thing.”

“Here.” You walk back into the living room hold a plastic bag full of ice. You carefully wrap it in a towel you stole hanging off the dishwasher and toss it to Ortega. “Keep that pressed on your knee, it’ll–“

“I know what an ice pack is mamá.” Her voice is teasing but you wince anyway. “You should come.” And she’s back to serious again.

You linger, leaning your arms on the back of the couch, grateful for the barrier it makes. How Ortega has to tilt back and up to see you. “I don’t… it’d be weird, wouldn’t it?”

“How would it be weird?”

God, she’s really going to make you spell it out? “You just said it. It’s like, a family thing, right?

She scoffs at you. “What? You think you aren’t family?”

You roll your eyes. “Ortega, we’ve known each other for barely three years.”

“And yet we’re practically sisters already.”

Something about that comment makes you wince, makes you want to stab back. Why? “Oh, so now I’m your sister? I thought I was your mother before.”

Ortega takes it stride. “Nothing says you can’t be both.”

You have to bite your lip to keep form laughing. “That’s kind of fucked up, isn’t?” You shift position, “Scooch over, I’m sitting down,” you warn before vaulting over the back of the couch, sliding down next to Ortega.

“You know, one day you’re going to break the couch doing that and there’ll be hell to pay.”

You don’t even try hiding your laughter this time. “You’ll have catch me first old woman.”

“Hey! 29 is not old.”

“Practically obsolete. Sorry Sparkles, but thems the breaks.” You can’t help the grin on your face now as Ortega glowers at you, right hand too preoccupied keeping the ice pack pressed to punch you. 

You touch a hand to your face– oh. Wince. “Well, I guess if I’m staying here awhile…” You try not to think about whether Ortega’s eyes are on you as you pull your mask off, running your other hand through your hair as is takes the new freedom to spill out all over your face in spiraling waves of reddish brown. It’s getting too long. You need to cut it back before it starts being a problem.

“I was wondering if I’d get to see that face today.”

You narrow your eyes at her as you drop your mask on your lap to continue fixing your hair. “C-cool your jets Carmen, or you’ll lose face privileges again.” You know perfectly well your face is awful, you wish she’d stop making jokes about it.

It doesn’t help that the way Ortega is looking at you is just making you more anxious. You shift position on the couch so you’re facing the balcony window. Huh. Still haven’t replaced the railing. Embarrassing. “Hey, I’ve been wondering,” Ortega starts and you brace yourself. That’s a terrifying way to start a sentence. “Are you seeing anyone?”

You freeze, both hands in your hair, mind blank.

What? 

“Oh– sorry.” From the corner of your eye you can sea Ortega reach back with her free hand to rub at her neck. “I was just… You’re always getting an earful from me and well,” Ortega keeps rubbing the back of her neck. “I just wanted you to… uh, feel free to vent your own troubles?” She glances at you. “I mean, if you want to, is all.”

You don’t look at her. “This is about that music guy isn’t?” Are you angry? Anxious? Both?

“How many more times do I need to say sorry about that?”

You press your lips into a grim smile. “At least two more milkshakes.”

“Well that’s not so bad.”

“You’re hard to stay mad at.”

You don’t have to be looking at her to know she’s got that smug grin on her face. “I’m just naturally charming.”

“Three milkshakes now, old lady.” You bite your lip, tracing patterns on your leg as you stare out the window. “You really don’t need to keep trying to set me up with people. It’s… weird?” 

Ortega huffs and leans forward, trying to intrude on your field of vision or see you face or both. “Why’s it weird?”

“It… it just is, okay?” You can’t tell her. It’ll beg too many other questions. Questions that you aren’t ready answer. Aren’t ready for how it’ll change things. You like what you have now. Too much maybe. You should have known better than to have gotten this comfortable with the Marshal. “I’m… not interested, is all. I guess.” You press your finger into you thigh, little patterns you’ve learned by heart now. You don’t want her to look at you differently. Like a man or like a–

There’s a brief moment of merciful silence and then– “So you are into women then.”

You choke. “What?”

Ortega laughs at the look on your face. “Honestly. I should have put it together after how hard you crushed on Sunstream.”

You can feel the heat on your cheeks. “God, what? I was just– Look. She’s been through a lot okay?”

“You were just worried for her.”

“Yes!”

“As a friend.”

You turn to look Ortega in the eye. You really need to snip this in the bud now or you’ll never hear the end of it. “I’m serious! You know how hard she took the Nanosurge.”

She raises a hand, “Okay, okay.” She doesn’t sound like she believes you.

You can feel the anxiety in your gut as the silence stretches out between you. “…I hope she’s okay.” You admit. No one’s seen or heard from Sunstream since the letter with her surprise resignation. You’ve done some poking around on your own, and it’s only given you a sinking dread the more you’ve looked. It feels like a warning shot.

Carefully, Ortega puts her hand on your knee. “I’m sure she’s doing fine. I think she’s got family out east.” Does she really think that or is she just trying to reassure you?

“I… I hope so.” You let out your breath, slumping into your seat. 

There was a time, before you started taking pills, that you found certain… men and women, had a… magnetic quality. They drew your eye whether you wanted it or not. It almost always got you nothing but trouble during missions. To say nothing of other, more dysphoric, thoughts. It had been a relief when that all went away. 

Or… it seemed like it had. Was Ortega right? Had you been crushing on Sunstream? But your concern had been strictly altruistic, hadn’t it? It had to have been, right? The idea that maybe you had some alternative… predatory(?) motive… You have to swallow down the nausea.

“I don’t know… how do you…” You bit down on the inside of your check hard enough to make you wince. “You’re the expert.”

Ortega raises her eyebrows at you. “Uh-oh. What’s this about?”

You roll your eyes at her, look away. “H-how do you know if you like someone?”

“Uh–” You glance back at her. You’ve made Ortega uncomfortable again. That seems to be happening more often lately. You can feel the knife of tension in your guts. Whatever it is you keep doing wrong, you wish you could stop.

She rubs at the back of her neck with her free hand as she looks away. Lost in thought? “Well, it’s.. you just know. I guess? Something clicks and off you go.”

“Sorry.” You whisper. “That was a weird question.” This is too much. You can feel your throat pinch too tight. Try to swallow it down. You push off the couch so you can pace by the window. Put that nervous energy to something besides hurting your leg.

“Being a celebrity doesn’t help.”

You shoot her a look. “You poor thing.”

“I’m serious!” Ortega’s voice is light but she’s not smiling. “Sorting out who’s genuine and who’s not… having some gossip rag blowing up every coffee into a new relationship… You’d be better off asking literally anyone else. I think my perspective might be a little warped.”

“I thought you said you ‘just knew’ or something.”

You watch Ortega squirm on the couch through her reflection on the glass window. “Well…” She forces a laugh. “I guess it isn’t really that simple.”

A thought occurs to you, bringing your pacing to a halt. “Wait.” You look at her, “Do you–” You cut yourself off. You don’t want to finish that sentence, or hear the answer you’re sure to get. The impossibility of the thought already hurts too much.

“What?”

“I–it’s– it’s nothing.” You lie. “S-sorry.” You roll your shoulder, feel the little pops and cracks. “Just stop trying to set me up with guys, okay? I’m… I’m not interested.”

Ortega looks back at you. You know that expression, like she’s trying to figure you out. Why do you keep talking to her? The more you talk the more she learns, the more dangerous she is. “No more men then?” She says.

You narrow your eyes. Like you wouldn’t catch that. “No more anyone.”

That gets a smirk, and Ortega waves a hand in defeat. “Alright, alright.”

You run a hand through your hair. Should have brought some bobby pins with you. “I don’t even get why you care so much.” You say as you return to the couch.

“I just want my friends to be happy, that’s not a crime now, is it?” She laughs. “It’ll be awkward if I have to arrest myself.”

You punch her in the arm, “Buzz off with that, Sparkles. I’m plenty happy as is.” God this whole conversation is fraying your nerves. You laugh, letting anxiety transmute into more nervous energy. “What do I need some dumb boyfriend for when I’ve got a best friend?” 

Ortega gives you a strange look, one you don’t know how to read. A kernel of panic starts in you mind before a grin breaks across her face. “So you’ll come to Mamá’s then?”

The question catches you off balance. You thought you’d successfully evaded that one. “I…” You look at Ortega, the expectant impression on her face. “Fine.” You say, admitting defeat. “But no more of this… w-weird matchmaker business. Okay?”

“Alright.” There’s that smug grin again. “If you ever change your mind though, I’m happy to help you out.”

You roll your eyes. “I– I won’t, I promise you.”

[candyclan]

My HONEST opinion of Kalvin Garrah

Kalvin talks about how the reaction videos he does are purely based off his opinions and they aren’t meant to actually hurt people. While I feel like yes, that may not be his intent, he takes information from what he thinks he knows about them from what they say and draws wrongful conclusions. He applies the logic “well if you were really trans, you’d do XYZ” which is honestly not okay. Just because he feels like “he’s protecting the trans community” doesn’t give him the right to invalidate people he’s never even seen or talked to irl. That being said, I do think he is correct that there are people who do not experience dysphoria and therefore do not have a legitimate reason to transition (physically) who do, and realize it’s a mistake (that’s why there’s detransition videos out there). This is tragic, and honestly, could very well reflect badly on our community because of how conservatives may take it.

Kalvin promotes the idea that seeing a psychologist is SO important before physically transitioning and altering your body in PERMANENT ways. He also promotes that before settling on “Yup I’m trans” you should rule out every other possible explanation for issues with your body: like body dysmorphia or an eating disorder etc. I feel as if he has contempt for people who are identifying as transgender and don’t actively try to alleviate their dysphoria. I agree with a lot of people who are fairly neutral on this topic that there isn’t a really clear cut defined definition of what dysphoria feels like other than “discomfort” toward gendered aspects of what you were assigned at birth. For Kalvin because his dysphoria is so strong, he uses it as an identifier of his trans identity and an UN-identifier for others. Just because he experiences an extreme does not mean every trans person experiences that extreme as well, and it could be a manageable discomfort, almost like a paper cut (while still uncomfortable, and totally legitimate) compared to a bullet wound in his case.

Because dysphoria is so subjective, it isn’t fair to label someone as a “transtrender” just entirely and solely on how someone looks on the outside. They may have a higher sense of self-esteem than Kalvin did because of how heavily his dysphoria affects him. This may mean that while they identify genuinely as being trans and probably do actually experience dysphoria (even minor) they choose their preferred gender expression over the idea of “passing”. I understand this because I actually have some really stereotypical “feminine clothes” that actually cause me dysphoria to wear but I wear them anyway cause fuck people. The reason I have such a soft heart towards him is because he and I have a shit ton of things in common and also I watched him cry on his YouTube channel. Legit sob. I see his human in all of this. I see his flawed thinking, and his less than perfect expectations of “gender presentation” as a reflection of his own internal monologue “well I can’t wear this because it makes me look girly”

While I have those thoughts too, a LOT, I never project them on to people the way he does in the videos he makes of the “transtrenders” <—- the reason I put this in quotes is because I hate that word (and he admits he hates it too) there should be a nicer way of politely saying you used to identify as trans or thought you were, but actually aren’t. “Transtrenders” has such a negative base to it because it implies the individuals gender identity is illegitimate and perhaps a phase. While I actually do think there are people who may be confused and do mistakenly identify as being transgender, we should never imply another person is this because that’s FUCKED UP. ESPECIALLY IF YOU DONT PERSONALLY KNOW THAT PERSON TO A HEAVY EXTENT. Claiming, like Kalvin does, to have the “criteria to know if someone else is trans” is fucking bullshit. He makes a good point about it being in our brains and there ARE actually studies that prove that is a legitimate thing, he pushes so hard for it to be seen as a mental health issue so “Real Trans People™️” can be provided healthcare. He has correlated it to a mental health issue, and while I personally think: “Idgaf what it’s called just let me have it covered through insurance.” The fact that you would never in a million years tell someone they aren’t depressed/have anxiety because their symptoms aren’t as bad as yours or they don’t experience it the same way, that’s literally what he’s doing to trans people AND IT is FUCKED.

All of that aside, I didn’t know what being a transmed really was until I saw his videos. I didn’t have any real idea how little sense it made that if you don’t have dysphoria...how can you be trans? I hate how there’s such a stigma on the internet about how dysphoria is rooted in EXTREME MEGA DISCOMFORT when in reality, I can safely say in complete confidence that I didn’t have that huge issue like he did. I have top dysphoria but not so much bottom (unless I’m on shark week and then wellllll....death 0.0) ITS okay to not “hate” what you were given, and be in a better mind space about it than other people because WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT and experience dysphoria in different ways and we are all valid as fuck. I feel as if because so many people can experience body dysphoria and social dysphoria in so many ways literally in as many ways as there are people, in order for it to be considered a mental health issue and be covered by insurance there’s this push to try to come up with what dysphoria ISNT instead of the variety of experiences that is gender dysphoria.

So, in general, my thing is, only the individual can really tell (just like in depression and anxiety) whether or not they’re dysphoric based off their own feelings they have toward their AGAB and how it affects them. It’s almost as if he’s just like every other asshole out there that thinks their opinion matters because they’ve gone through SO MANY STEPS to be trans. His transtrender videos really are demonetized, and he claims to not do it for clickbait or shock factor to get people to watch it and that it’s his raw, unfiltered opinion about an issue he actually genuinely does care about a lot. I personally think the videos need to be taken down because it makes him look so much worse than he really is, and honestly what if the person that he’s talking about in those videos actually was trans and they killed themselves because of the hate his supporters dished. Showing their channel and saying that they don’t have dysphoria (in Kalvin’s eyes) labels them a target to abuse from the people that support Kalvin, whether or not that is his intent. I understand why this could upset someone. This upsets me. I feel a personal connection to someone that is using legitimate facts and points to validate his conclusion that some are worthy (that fit his personal idea of what being trans is) and some aren’t (those that don’t) this being said: That is not all that he is, I promise you. I believe “transtrender” is a thing dear god I’m highly uncomfortable with that word but there isn’t another one to use. I would never LABEL someone a transtrender under any circumstances because to do so would be honestly disrespectful to that persons identity and honestly denying their right to explore who they are. So what if you think you’re trans and then realize later that you weren’t??? As long as you didn’t medically transition, you literally didn’t do anything but explore who you are. It is never okay in my mind to label someone as that, especially if you don’t personally believe in how the person chooses to identify because like I said there’s as many ways to experience dysphoria and a disconnect towards your AGAB as there are people. It comes in different severities and different people prioritize change towards specific parts moreso than others.

That being said if you know you are 1000000% comfortable with your assigned gender at birth (not just learned to tolerate certain things/choose to accept the hand you’re dealt or live with it like me and my vag- how some trans people can), why would identify as being transgender? It’s when this “choice to go with the hand your dealt thing” really gets to Kalvin because he can’t imagine is transition being without the whole kitten kaboodle. Is perception of his gender honestly is a huge reason he can’t see why non-binary AFAB people could ever learn to embrace/tolerate certain aspects of their body. I don’t think he fully understands that binary gender roles that may moreso apply to TRANSGUYS don’t apply to non-binary people.

Non-binary people literally do not identify with one gender binary over another, so Kalvin has a hard time understanding them. It is important to note however, he still respects people even if he doesn’t understand. If he didn’t respect non-binary people as a whole, he would be preaching about how “non-binary isn’t even a thing” because he tends to NEED to think in logical terms with facts and data like the similar brain thing (mtf brains=more like cis female ftm=more like cis males) it becomes hard for him to understand the struggles of non-binary people. Non-binary people don’t fit his “mold” so to speak. Perhaps it’s because he once was a “non-binary SJW” in the past and then pulled a 180 and turned into this literal person that tells other people they aren’t trans even though he’s never met them irl and knows next to nothing about them. It’s funny how he claims that detransitioners turn into TERFS when his transition, which was supposed to help his mental state (perhaps it did idk), had him go from non-binary to low key for all intents and purposes a gatekeeper. He from his perspective claims to know it all because he’s trans. Consider this analogy: being transgender is like trauma. People can be united in that they suffer from it or that it affects them, but everyone’s situation is unique amongst all others so everyone has different “triggers”. I’m sorry if this analogy offended you it’s just I was trying to make sense of it the best I could in my mind

@kalvingarrah

[rivetgoth]

Please be very cautious about upping your dosage! If you up it too soon and too much it will actually have less effect on your body because it can get converted back.

Anon I’m sure you mean well but this hasn’t been the best day with this sort of thing and I just would like to very very very heavily emphasize to not just you but anyone who does this sort of thing to maybe stop trying to be helpful to trans people in the process of transitioning by giving relatively useless information that boils down to very little except fearmongering hidden behind good intentions. Even if you mean well I really encourage you and anyone who does this sort of thing to think very conciously about how they think this is going to help a dysphoric trans person. (Also, as a side note since I know I’m gonna talk about dysphoria a lot here, idc how people without dysphoria identify I think as long as you aren’t hurting people then idc you know yourself best and all and I know gender is complex. Anyway.)

Things to have kept in mind before you sent this would have been:

1. You don’t know what dosage I’m on now, what dosage I’m moving up to, or anything about what I’m actually doing. From the beginning the doctor and I agreed on starting at the lowest possible dosage for personal reasons and to move up after a short period of time. Everyone transitions differently and this was laid out with a doctor since day 1.

2. I very clearly said in that post that I spoke to my doctor about this, who’s a specialist who’s been doing this for years. I contacted her and very clearly laid out how much I want to move up and when and told her I won’t until I’ve heard back with her explicit consent that it would be safe. Why in the world would you read that I talked to my doctor about this and still presume I needed a warning that this may somehow go badly.

3. You’re on anon, I don’t know ANYTHING about you. I certainly have no reason to believe you know more than my doctor. I don’t know if you’re speaking from personal experience, from something you read online (and if it was from online I don’t know where you got that information because transphobia is absolutely bursting from the seams on the internet), if you’re actually some weird transphobe who thinks I just shouldn’t transition at all, etc. Not that what you said is untrue, but what the intent of it being said was... You know nothing about me and I know nothing about you or your intention or your experience here. But I do know my doctor has been working with trans patients for years and has prescribed HRT to countless trans people and we’ve talked about this since day 1 and after a conversation with her she gave me explicit permission to move up to a higher dosage. I shouldn’t have to transcribe my exact conversation with my doctor in order to be not threatened with “the risks” by anonymous strangers on the internet. (This actually speaks to a larger issue I have with people anonymously arm chair diagnosing and speaking with authority on medical things and acting as medical professionals on anon to people they don’t even know and how dangerous that can be, but that’s another topic for another day)

I’m sorry to be a dick about this and I don’t mean to attack you. I don’t wanna sound aggressive and I really don’t want you to feel bad if you had good intentions cuz I truly don’t think this reflects badly of you as a person, if you had good intentions I appreciate your concern and I don’t want you to feel bad, I really just want to highlight an issue I have with something that’s much more prevalent than just this ask. This was actually an EXACT topic I was literally just talking to another trans friend TODAY about, and this is kind of the perfect example for me to voice the complaint. There’s a very very subtle form of very dangerous transphobic rhetoric present in “woke” spaces online that frankly encourages people to talk down to dysphoric trans folk, especially those transitioning. I unfollow people who post things about how dangerous and unsafe binding is at this point because I absolutely never see posts about that - unless it’s made by other dysphoric trans people - that don’t horrifically talk down to trans folk, speak to them like they’re stupid freaks or children that are going to horrifically damage their body forever, with no consideration that if someone needs to bind it’s due likely to a severe mental disorder that can and often does lead to suicide. It’s fearmongering without thought of alternatives, of safe suggestions, of any fucking compassion for those suffering with dysphoria so severe that they quite literally need to get countless surgeries and take medicine for the rest of their lives to even begin to feel comfortable in their own skin. People really get off thinking the most woke thing in the world is constantly reminding people who are suffering that “there are risks!!!!!” and it really starts to sound like conservatives who tell trans people that hormones will ruin their bodies and pull up biased “studies” trying to prove that transitioning is actually just going to cause “more harm than good,” which is a mindset that leads directly to suicide. I don’t know if people truly grasp the severity of dysphoria. It’s not a little discomfort, or not feeling very good or being kind of depressed, it’s life threatening in its intensity and there is something very disturbing to me about the amount of posts that exist purely meant to “warn” dysphoric trans people of how severe the potential side effects of transitioning is. I’ve even seen this escalated to the point that for awhile a straight up conservative anti-trans propaganda piece was spread around with straight up UNTRUE information about HRT causing higher death rates as a “omg signal boost for my trans followers uwuwuwu” thing.

If you see a trans person who says “I talked to my doctor and I’m upping my T dosage!” and your first thought is to immediately send a warning of the dangers, of the risk of things getting worse or not working, I really really really suggest you introspect on why that had to be your immediate response. I believe that you had wholly good intentions but I really think it speaks to a larger problem in how dysphoric trans people are talked down to by even strangers/anons even in “safe spaces” online. The way they’re talked down to, the way the very first thing to come out of peoples’ mouths has to be warnings, threats, and risks. I know there are genuine health risks associated with these things. Binding is always gonna be a little risky and providing helpful information and resources on how to do that as safely as possible is good! Making posts about things to keep in mind with HRT, with surgery recovery, all of that, those aren’t bad. But how would you guys feel if, say, you had to see a post every other day about HOW DANGEROUS your life saving medications were? What if once a week you saw a post that just laid out the most basic “side effects may include” info on the side of the bottle for your painkillers that help you live a normal life? What if you made a post saying you were prescribed medicine to help with a disorder that had impacted you your entire life and the first thing you were told was a warning about how it might actually go wrong and not actually help?? Dysphoria and transitioning aren’t different, but there’s this extremely prevalent mindset still that the best thing you can possibly do to help a dysphoric trans person in the process of transitioning is... tell them about how risky it is. I really really beg everyone to introspect a bit on this.

[discyours]

Something I see radfems do A LOT is severely underestimate how many trans ppl pass? I see a lot of them saying that very few trans ppl actually pass and that's just. Not true. Most trans men can fully pass as little as 4 or 5 months on T and (although it generally more difficult) many trans women can pass with enough time on hrt and with the right clothing and such. Why do many radfems insist all trans ppl are "easily clockable"

Partially it’s a case of selection bias/bad toupée fallacy. For non-trans radfems, the majority of trans people they’ll knowingly be exposed to are people who, well, look trans. It’s an understandable mistake to make actually, but the people who get cocky about it do piss me off. They just plain ignore the voices of trans & detransitioned radfems who tell them that they’re wrong, with detransitioned women being especially important because they often get “clocked” as MTF. I’ve been told to fuck off when joining radfem groups because I’m assumed to be male, and while that’s online and it’s easier to pass in pictures, it still says something about how “easily clockable” we actually are (I’m not on t). 

That being said, I have noticed that trans people don’t pass as well to me as they used to. I think everyone who’s well-intentioned and even somewhat active in the trans community will subconsciously pick up a habit of trying to read people as the sex they’re trying to pass for. You just don’t want to look at people and (mentally) go “well this person is clearly [birth sex]” when they’re dysphoric and very much making an effort. You want to look at them and go yeah, I could see that. But that’s not “lying because you feel bad for them” like some radfems claim. I never would’ve lied and said someone passed when I didn’t think they did (that literally puts people in danger), it was genuinely a subconscious change in the way I read people.

Becoming a radfem didn’t just change the way I read people because it meant being separated from the trans community, coming to a realisation that women are gender nonconforming when in their natural state changed a lot too. Somehow the more you look at butch women and really recognise that they’re still women (not that I thought otherwise before, but it’s different when you’re actively thinking about it if that makes sense) the less you rely on gender roles when it comes to recognising people’s sex. I don’t feel good about it but there are times when I look at trans men who I previously thought passed and recognise that they don’t really look any different from women (because my idea of what a woman looks like has broadened). 

I think people on both sides are a little too confident in how objective perception of sex is to them. There’s always going to be some trans people who just straight up pass (there’s fucking cis people who are consistently mistaken for the other sex, this isn’t up for debate) but a lot of the time I don’t think any one person can accurately guess how everyone else is going to perceive someone’s sex.