#When he was always just as corrupt and his outcome was gonna be the same | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rhondafromhr · 4 months

Text

Nerds corruption au chapter 4!!

Took me awhile before I was happy with this one but it’s finally done!

Previous chapters:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

“We’re Gonna Become the Bullies” - Chapter 4: I’m The One To Wrong What’s Right

Grace starts her day the same way she always does: waking up to the shrill buzzing sound of her alarm far too early in the morning. She hates to admit it (sloth is a sin, after all), but every once in a while it would be nice to hit snooze a couple times. There’s no time for that, though. She has to do her sweep of the school bathrooms to check for graffiti. She has to make sure the side exit to the gym is safely locked so nobody can sneak out to “smoke up” during class. As hall monitor, it’s her sworn duty to keep Hatchetfield High safe from all the troublemakers trying to normalize sin and drag everyone down to hell with them. She figures it’s the least she can do to atone for the perverse thoughts she was having about Max Jägerman up until the Waylon place incident. Among other, more recent developments.

Then there’s the whole thing where she’s kind of friends with Maxwell now, along with everyone else who was involved in that prank. She brought that hatchet and the other supplies that night expecting a very different outcome (the specifics of which are between her and God now, since it never came to be. Only He can judge her), but this is intriguing, too. Being the “school snitch” only gives her so much power. Sure, she can issue a detention slip or run and tell a teacher, but she knows in the end all it does is get people to be sneakier about whatever they were doing wrong next time. Being in Max’s inner circle opens up a world of possibilities. People are scared of him and there’s not a lot they won’t do to avoid his wrath. It’s been a week and by now, everyone knows Max will absolutely fly off the handle at anyone who dares mess with the rest of the group. They’re also starting to realize that said group can be pretty intimidating in their own right and becoming more scared of them. Grace would be lying if she said the thought didn’t excite her.

She thinks back to that first Monday after the Waylon place, when Max first heard about Brad calling Peter that crass nickname. The righteous anger he exuded briefly brought that tickle back again. The next day at lunch, Max proudly recounted to the rest of the group the awesome punch Pete landed and how Brad ran away like a little bitch after and how Steph gave Brad the hardest slap with one hand while holding Pete’s in the other and wasn’t that the sweetest, most romantic thing ever. By the time he got to their stint in the principal’s office, she stopped listening, just imagining Peter and the crushing impact of his fist on Brad’s face. She thought about the slap over and over again, too: Steph raising her hand, staring down at Brad with rage burning in her eyes and bringing it down hard, leaving a red mark on his cheek. Her face, she realized with horror, was red, too, but for an entirely different reason. Oh, heck. Oh, no. Not again. But this was even more shameful than even the worst thoughts she ever had about Max. This was about two people at once, one of whom was another girl.

She tries to push away those thoughts for now and joins her parents at the breakfast table, where her usual cup of hot water is waiting for her. If they had any idea what’s really been going on with her, they’d probably send her away to live at Camp Idontwannabang with the Jerries permanently and the first time in her life, that doesn’t sound too appealing. So she’ll just have to continue acting like nothing’s wrong - essentially lying to them. Another sin to pile on top of all her others. As they say in that video game Richie likes: “gotta catch ‘em all.” Her whole life, all she’s ever wanted is to be a good, chaste, godly girl. It’s what her parents and her church friends have all come to expect from her. Not to mention God Himself. There must be something deeply wrong with her if she tries so, so hard to live up to this standard and still falls short. The feeling of being a failure is so crushing she can almost physically feel it bearing down on her.

“Gracie?” Her mother says gently, “Gracie, are you alright?” Grace realizes tears are stinging at her eyes. She strains to hold them back.

“Oh, yes, Mommy, I’m okay! It’s just allergies. I, um, stopped taking Benadryl. Even if it’s over-the-counter antihistamines, drugs are drugs! Might as well be smoking the devil’s lettuce. Oh, I should get going or I won’t be early for school!” She leaves hastily, not stopping for her usual kiss not the cheek.

“Wait!” her Mother calls after her “it’s raining cats and dogs today, you’ll catch a cold, let us drive you!” All she gets in response is the sound of the door closing.

As Grace rides her beloved pink Schwinn bike to school, she can’t hold back the tears any longer. It’s early enough that not too many people are out and about, so hopefully nobody sees. She supposes she could always use that Benadryl excuse again, it’s believable enough for her. When she pulls up in front of the school, she notices two familiar figures standing in front of the main entryway. Shoot, it’s Max and Richie! She hastily wipes her eyes and stops to park and lock up her bike before approaching them. She composes herself and goes into hall monitor mode, even if her heart isn’t in it. They’d better not be hanging out here waiting to buy reefer off of the smoke club.

“Hi, Max! Hi, Richie! What are you two doing here so early?” She says, trying to keep her tone as chipper as possible.

“Oh, we have an appointment we couldn’t possibly miss,” Max tells her. Great, so they are here to buy drugs! She can’t even save her own friends from the dark, dangerous path that starts with weed and eventually leads to them smoking much worse substances under a bridge somewhere. Maybe even in Clivesdale!

“Uh, yeah,” Richie says nervously. He rubs his fingertips together. “Chad Thompson called me a cringe-ass weeb back in seventh grade, so I guess we’re going to catch him on his way in and issue an ‘outdoor swirly’, whatever that is.”

“Oh, you’re gonna love it, Richie, it’s the best! Really subverts expectations. No one would ever think they’re about to get a swirly outside.”

“Yeah, I see your vision, but I feel like I’m really not grasping the logistics. Like, there are no toilets out here, how is it even possible?”

Grace is vaguely familiar with the term (“weeb”, that is. She’s just as confused as Richie about the outdoor swirly thing). She’s pretty sure it refers to people who are into those Japanese cartoons that Richie likes so much. She’s actually heard him refer to himself that way a few times and sometimes Ruth calls him that, too. It never feels mean when she does it - it’s obvious she loves that Richie’s a “cringe-ass weeb” and she wouldn’t have him any other way. They might be two of the most lewd, crass people she’s ever met, but she has to admit their friendship is something special.

“I don’t get it,” she says “you call yourself a ‘cringe weeb’ all the time.”

“Well, he said it like it’s a bad thing! It’s not just the words we say, but the way we say them that can have a long-lasting impact. I learned that at the anti-bullying assembly!” Oh, Max and his anti-bullying quotes. Grace would never tell him this, but she thinks flipping them to be pro-bullying is quite creative of him. Entertaining, too. Sometimes, she just has to giggle at the absurdity of it. Her mood finally starts to lift. She’s glad she ran into her friends. Her friends. She can call them that now.

“Well,” she says “I’d better go do my morning perimeter sweep. See you later, boys!”

“Later, Grace!”

“Bye, Grace, see you at lunch!” Poor Richie still looks a little terrified.

The downpour lets up and becomes a light drizzle as she starts towards the gym, fully intending to go take care of that pesky side entrance so the smoke club can’t ruin class today. Then, on an impulse, she makes a u-turn. What can she say? She’s a little curious about the logistics of Max’s new trick, too. She watches as they accost Chad. Oh, an outdoor swirly just means shoving his face into the huge rain puddle that’s formed on the ground. Max does it first. He moves slowly and intentionally, giving Richie instructions to accompany the demonstration. Appropriating the very forces of nature to enforce his rule over Hatchetfield High. It’s actually kind of poetic. She wonders what his backup plan was if it didn’t rain.

Max hands Chad off to Richie. Chad struggles, but can’t seem to get free. Richie must be stronger than he looks. His hesitation disappears and he moves with more confidence, seeming to delight in the torment just a little. He pushes Chad’s face down into the puddle, holds it there for a second, then yanks him out so they’re face to face, leaning over him menacingly.

“Who’s the cringe-ass weeb now, bitch? Trick question, it’s still me! But I bet you’ll think twice before talking shit about it next time,” he says as he shoves Chad to the ground.

“You guys are un-fuckin’-hinged! I don’t care what anyone says, I’m reporting this. You basically just tried to drown me!”

Maybe Grace can be of some assistance. “I’m the hall monitor and that’s not what I saw,” she says.

“Oh, hi Grace! I thought you left to go do your rounds,” says Max, as upbeat as ever.

“What did you see, Grace?” There’s a mischievous glint in Richie’s eyes.

“Well, Richie, I saw him shove you into that puddle. Completely unprovoked, no less. You were just standing here minding your own business. He held you down for a solid thirty seconds. I was scared he was going to drown you! I was about to go get a teacher, but then you finally broke free.”

“Fuck off, chastity belt! Who would believe that? He’s not even wet.” If Ruth were here, she’d have something to say about that phrasing.

“Well, for one, the principal would, because I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but I’m the hall monitor and I’ve never given him a reason not to trust me. Who’s he going to believe between the two of us?” As childish as she knows it is, she can’t help but stick her tongue out at him. “How could you attack poor Richie like that? What’s he ever done to you?”

“Yeah! Oh my god, Richie, are you okay? That must have been traumatic for you,” Max says dramatically. It seems like he’s having fun with this.

“I’ll- I’ll live,” replies Richie, trying to sound meek and pathetic. It’s not too much of a reach for him.

“Your life is so hard and yet you’re so brave,” Max says with feigned solemnity. Richie pauses for a second, as if he’s debating what he should do next, then theatrically throws his arms around Max and buries his face in his chest. He adds a couple fake sobs for good measure.

“It’s okay, bro. It’s okay. We’ve got you.” Max smirks as he pats his back. Richie stays in position, but raises one of his arms in order to flip Chad off.

“God, fine, whatever!” Chad storms off.

“Grace,” Max says excitedly “that was awesome! You know, I always forget you’re the hall monitor.”

“Yeah,” Richie adds “We’ve really been sleeping on the potential for abuse of power!”

There’s a thought. She’s had real power this whole time, she wasn’t leveraging it to its full potential. It’s a shame - if she’d realized this sooner, she would’ve been much more effective at keeping the hallways free of debauchery. She’ll just have to make up for lost time.

“Just doing my job,” she says, now sporting her own mischievous grin.

And if she actually had fun hamming it up with Max and Richie and she’s a little proud that she was able to help them pull off their stunt, then that’s her business.

Before Grace knows it, it’s the end of the school day and she doesn’t feel like going home and being interrogated about this morning just yet. She sends her parents a quick text claiming that there’s an “emergency abstinence club meeting” and begins to wander the hallways aimlessly until she reaches the auditorium. She knows they’re currently doing rehearsals for The Barbecue Monologues. Ruth is always complaining about the actors flubbing their lines and messing up her lighting cues. Up until now, she hasn’t had much of an interest in the show. Apparently, it contains some foul language and references to sex (in a high school production! What is this world coming to?), but she has to pick her battles and her effort to get homecoming canceled has been time-consuming enough. Curiosity gets the better of her and she slips into the auditorium. She’s not sure what she expects to see, but it certainly isn’t Ruth standing center stage absolutely belting her heart out. Her voice is angelic and she puts so much passion and raw emotion into her performance. Beholding it is an almost religious experience. Grace would know.

The number draws to a close and Grace can’t help but applaud.

“Oh, no, my anxiety! Who’s there?” Ruth cries.

“Ruth, that was beautiful! If you’re that good, why aren’t you in the show? You should be the lead!”

“What, no! I’m way too nervous to do that! Plus it’s too late, rehearsals have already started and Trevor’s the lead.”

“Well, what if he wasn’t?” Grace says with a conspiratorial grin.

“But he is,” Ruth replies, not quite sure what she’s getting at.

“Have a little faith, Ruth! Things can change.”

Oh, no, she’s snapping again.

#nerdy prudes must die #npmd #npmd corruption au #grace chasity #max jagerman #peter spankoffski #stephanie lauter #richie lipschitz #ruth fleming #hatchetfield #lautski #cw drug mention

21 notes · View notes

juice-thief-frog · 6 months

Text

Hypothesis: Rejecting Dark Magic Could Save Viren's Life? Season 5-6 Theory!

This theory/speculation/thought experiment won't leave me alone so I'm gonna officially shout it out into the world!

There's a chance that Viren could maybe have unfucked saved himself.

We're all wondering - did Viren survive season 5? Has he kicked the bucket for good this time? Or is he like that cockroach you just can't get rid of?

I have some unfortunate (or maybe fortunate) news! Viren could definitely be alive!

And it's about dark magic, power, and fever dreams!

Those dark magic dreams Viren had all season had to mean something more! A push for Claudia to go full baddie? Yeah, most likely. We've all seen the Season 6 teaser.

But what if those fever dreams meant something... more?

What if it leads up to more than just Viren's ultimate end?

tl;dr - What if by rejecting dark magic, Viren unknowingly saved his own life? AKA: I dive into Viren's mind, and try to decipher his character arc a teeny bit.

Let's goooooo-

I have little evidence to back up this 'what if'. But I have something, however small.

So, to start this off:

"Tomorrow, the sun will rise, and you will not."

At first this sounds pretty clear - and it might still be! Viren could be sleepin' with the Xadian fishes. But when has Aaravos ever been perfectly clear? Mr 'I Swallowed Her' speaks in riddles and rhymes, and does he even know what the fuck he's talking about? (of course he knows, he's Aaravos, what am I thinking-)

One alternative take on this cryptic little message could be that the old Viren can't come to the phone right now. Because he's dead.

Viren rejected dark magic for the first time ever! He finally sees what Harrow has been seeing all along - dark magic twists you, twists everything around you, into corruption. We can see this with the corrupted Banthers - and Viren's face.

The sun will rise, and the old Viren will be dead.

But perhaps in his place will come a new man - one with a new goal, a new purpose, new motivations. In writing-terms, this means Viren will basically be a whole new character.

Characters are defined by their goals and motivations.

Since the beginning, Viren's goal has been somewhat the same (a bright future for humanity by using dark magic and overthrowing Xadia). But things have changed for Viren, especially during Seasons 4-5. Viren is completely powerless for the first time since Arc One.

Lord Viren has always been a character defined by his power. Even without using dark magic, he can still influence others to bend to his will.

Example image: Lord Viren threatening the young Crowmaster to summon the Pentarchy.

Lord Viren also takes Gren off the mission to find the missing princes, effortlessly placing Soren and Claudia in charge seconds after Amaya left. Viren convinced Soren to go and kill the princes on this mission.

Whenever his power and authority is threatened, Viren keeps pushing forward. Like the dark mage he was, Lord Viren keeps pushing until he gets the desired outcome. Soren said it best:

So, the truth is, someone who wants you to do horrible things, and convinces you that they're good, that's a villain. My dad... is a villain. And he's only gonna get more powerful, and the more powerful he gets, the more people will listen to him, and believe him, and follow him.

Meeting Aaravos is a pivotal moment in Viren's further pursuit of more power. Aaravos promises Viren more power and influence than ever before. Aaravos guides Viren to send the smoke assassins after the other kingdoms to motivate them by fear. Aaravos brings out the worst in Viren by targeting this fatal weakness.

Ultimately, Aaravos guides Viren to further pursue his hunger for more power. Viren convinced Claudia that Soren misunderstood the assignment of 'kill the princes' (dick move, Viren).

Then they march into Xadia, and take down the Sunfire Kingdom. And Aaravos takes Viren to the top of the Storm Spire to capture every essence of magic from baby Zym.

Power, power, and more power. Take a sip of water every time I write 'power', honestly.

So Viren falls to his death, and Claudia brings him back 2 years later. The fourth season begins, and Viren is already different. He is powerless. He isn't even wearing his High Mage attire, instead he's in bloodied and dirty prisoner clothes.

He's travelling with an elf, and he doesn't have his staff. He realises he doesn't even want his staff anymore. He's suddenly horribly afraid of heights, and is obviously frustrated about how he's losing power over everything.

His own mind and body are warring against him. He's going to die in 30 days, and he's experiencing panic attacks. Viren is falling apart worse than his tattered clothes.

And after he finally uses dark magic? He ends up passing out, and missing out on his last few days alive. Instead he's thrust into visions for days on end. Interesting to note that Callum didn't suffer from his own visions as long as Viren did. (perhaps because Viren does indeed have a long history of dark magic?)

These visions take Viren into his past, makes him look at everything in a new way. He sees the harm he caused, sees every scar he left on the world. In his pursuit of power, he ripped everything he loved apart. Including his own children. Soren hates him, and Claudia is diving deeper and further than Viren had ever gone.

It is the vision of Claudia that seems to shake Viren the most. To see what corrupted path he has laid out for his children horrifies him. To see Claudia follow this path so eagerly puts the final nail in the coffin.

No dark magic, never again.

Viren is done with dark magic, and he's done with Aaravos. He's done with his pursuit of power. He's ready to be free.

Interesting to note is that his past self is the one reaching out and holding on here. Reconnecting with his roots, his oldest beliefs.

At the end of the season, Viren is the most powerless he has ever been.

Laying under the stars, he cannot even find comfort in their shine. They remind him of Aaravos, and of all the mistakes Lord Viren has made. He certainly doesn't feel free.

He's chosen not to kill The Being, he's chosen to align himself with his roots. His roots as a young man dreaming of things far bigger than himself. He turns his eyes away from the stars, no longer reaching for them. Instead he closes his eyes, and awaits death's embrace.

What happens next?

Well, maybe the rejection of his old life leads him to find a new path. Maybe rejecting the call of dark magic puts him out of Aaravos' reach, and he can finally become someone better.

But I guess we won't know for certain until Season 6. So pls share your own thoughts and observations! I'd love to see what you all come up with!

23 notes · View notes

insert-cephalopod-joke · 7 days

Note

YOU SHOULD ramble about your headcanons/aus NOW!

I will!!

At least some of the aus because headcanons are gonna be explored in mah main comic

Also ye there’s definitely aus where the agents get mixed around with one another into different groups because thanks to au there are infinite possibilities and outcomes

Now, Top 13 AU (Numbered Randomly) ((Bakers dozen let’s go))

Green: What If scenario for/related to AU-00

Blue: New set of agents, separate from AU-00

Red: Never used/scrapped AU concept

AU-00: MC3 (Hyousuke), M4 (Liam), M8 (Milo), FN3 (Beatrix/“Bea”)

The main one I work with, pretty self explanatory (though not the very first batch of agents I’ve made)

AU-01: FC3 (Summer/“Sunny”), F4 (Ember), F8 (Saturn), MN3 (Rook)

Second most used batch. Sort of a gender and personality swap, with Sunny being more extroverted (but much, much more creepy looking), Ember being actually cool instead of faking it, Saturn being less… feral?.. and Rook constantly questioning the whole Secret Child Labor Service Thing instead just rolling with it like Bea does.

AU-02: F3 (Three), M4 (Four), M8 (Eight)

The first ever batch. Didn’t make it very far though…

Their dynamic was mostly Four getting into trouble, Three getting mad at Four getting in trouble while trying to put out whatever fire he started, and Eights there just vibing in the background or something. I think Three and Four were siblings…

AU-03: M3 (Tres), F4 (Quatre), M8 (Vosem)

The second ever batch. Lasted a teensy bit longer. Tres is a little hotheaded but it’s mainly to cover up insecurity and fears of not being “worthy” or “good enough” for Squidbeak (which leads to some… very bad coping mechanisms/strategies to be good enough). Quatre is the type to have a smaller smug look under the smug look on her face. Also she makes a majority of her income through art commissions and writes a bunch of fanfic. Vosem tries to come off as aloof and put together but is “secretly” a little obsessed with Tres. Not like in a stalker way, just always thinking about him and hanging out with him and leaving food in his backpack when Tres “forgets” (this has led to Tres being very confused because “who puts 7 oranges and an unwrapped sandwich in someone else’s backpack?!?!”)

AU-04: M?3 (Three), M4 (Liam), M8 (The Commander)

The bad end, essentially. Three (prev. Hyousuke) gets re-corrupted by Tartar and loses (almost) all of his memories, becoming a husk that only does anything when The Commander tells them to. The Commander is formed when Tartar uses Milo as a host body, but due to Milo’s Special Soul Gimmick, he essentially takes Tartar down with him and they fuse into one conscious. There is no Tartar. There is no Milo. All that’s left behind is a manic cyborg that wants to “reunite”/sanitize Squidbeak (they disbanded after losing so many members) and get Three to “wake up.” Liam was struck with grief and went into a horrible depression due to it all and Octavio tried to help him by making new Hypnoshades that would act like an advanced antidepressant. Cuttlefish, Marie, and Callie are with Octavio too, hiding until they can make a plan to get their friends (and Inkopolis Square) back. Off the hook… off forming a rebellion to fight back. Oh and I should probably mention that Three is talking to Liam through his headset and shades and maybe watching him through any other tech in Liam’s vicinity.

AU-05: M[UNKNOWN] (Three), M4 (Liam), M8 (Eros)

(Same Liam technically different Three and technically different Eight)

Sort of a role swap between my one splatband oc Etto and Hyousuke. Essentially, Squidbeak believed that Hyou… “didn’t make it out” of the metro, but when Liam and Eros split up on a recon mission down there a few years later.

Let’s just say Eros finds him.

AU-06: M3/10 (Déka), M4 (Luke), M8/C3 (Apollo), NBN3 (Zip)

(Usual 3 base becomes Agent Ten, usual 8 base becomes Captain, Four is an octoling)

What if the Octos won? Cuttlefish would probably go complete villain mode ngl. His flaws are bad sometimes but make it worse.

Octavio, who’s not even king anymore as he passed the responsibilities to others (gotta spend time with the grandkids, you know?), starts noticing reports of octos getting attacked around town and decides hey, I’ve already got military experience so let’s do some quick vigilante stuff and hire a team.

Story would pretty much be the same from then on. Maybe instead of the Squid Sisters there’s another band with ties to Octavio, but I definitely imagine the original idols becoming high ranking, vicious generals (Callie would def defect later tho)

AU-07: FC3 (Haru), F4 (Liana), F8 (Mia), MN3 (Beau)

Genderswap, except practically nothing changes design wise. You would never know

AU-08: MC3 (Hyou), M4 (Liam), M8 (Milo), FN3 (Bea)

AKA No Metro Milo. Just. Just imagine a Shadow version of Milo and that’s it.

This isn’t what he’d be like with his memories… well… sorta.. he has some but trauma repressed the rest

AU-09: Everything’s the Same Except Little Buddy is a Big Buddy

AU-10: Everything’s the Same Except Milo Got Sanitized in the Metro Yet Somehow His Personality Was Left Untouched by Tartar Aside From Increasing His Separation Anxiety

AU-11: Everything’s the Same Except Liam Wears Glasses (It Causes an Extreme Butterfly Effect)

AU-12: Everything’s the Same Except Hyou’s The Only Agent Hired Besides 1 and 2 (Trauma x1000000)

AU-13: Everything’s the Same Except Little Buddy is a Psychic (As In Can Read Minds Based On Vibes and Souls, Presumably) and is the Main Character of the Series ((Little Buddy Psycho 300???))

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #splatoon au #I am functioning on 3 1/2 hours of sleep so please excuse anything that makes no darn sense #at least I feel the slump lifting a lil bit so thank u guys #also #ur other ask #saving for special occasion #dw #would tag ocs but #too many

8 notes · View notes

darklinaforever · 1 year

Note

What do you think is gonna happen in S3 and/or what do you expect? I hope the Darkling comes back of course but if authors plan to make him come back just for Alina and everyone else to keep mistreating him, it's better for him to stay dead of course. It's just my opinion oc, perhaps others wanna see him no matter what, but I'm very protective of my favourite characters so if he has to come back just to play Alina's punching bag I'd rather not. Honestly, what do these authors have against the Darkling? They keep treating him like shit as if he was the worst scumbag ever, when he's just a guy who of course made huge mistakes but he had reasons that made sense, reasons deeply rooted in a painful past of suffering, loss, discrimination and persecution. Authors made Alina completely unable to feel empathy toward him, made her clearly say there is no redemption for him... why are they so biased? They clearly want to manipulate the audience through Alina's words, they want us to hate him so that they could shove that M*lina shit down our throats without complains. Well, it's not gonna work. Let's be honest, most ppl watch the series thanks to The Darkling and despite the fact that it's perfectly clear that authors don't want Darklina to be endgame, Darklina is more pupular than boring (show) and toxic (books) M*lina. I just hope that S3 is gonna explore Alina's dark side and turn her into a 'monster' in order to protect people so that she could finally be in in the Darkling's shoes and understand his position because her lack of empathy pissed me off to no end. You need to live a situation before judging. But istg if authors plan to have Mal as the light to balance Alina's darkness and guide her to the right path, I'm seriously gonna vomit. Alina and the Darkling are clearly two sides of the same coin, in S2 ending we had Alina using the shadow cut just like Aleksander, it was a clear parallel between them. So this could be a good time to explain how these two balance each other perfectly, like, there's some light in Aleksander's darkness just like there is some darkness in Alina's light. They could save each other. This of course if authour weren't biased af toward the Darkling/Darklina, pretty sure we're gonna have the shitty M*lina outcome oc.

Basically, I'm not expecting anything in particular for the future. I have little hope. But there are things that I definitely want and hopefully will be there :

▪︎Resurrection of the Darkling.

▪︎That Alina is entitled to a real arc of corruption.

▪︎Scenes from Darklina ! Show that Alina regrets killing Aleks. That somewhere, he misses him. That we have new emotional scenes between them worthy of season 1, as well as at least 1 more kiss.

▪︎That Alina understood that NO fuck, the hatred of the world was not the Darkling's fault and that she was already present before !

▪︎That Alina finally understands the Darkling's point of view.

▪︎Stop blaming the Darkling / Aleksander for everything that goes wrong, as the King of Scars duology unfortunately spends its time doing...

▪︎Remove that bullshit that the Darkling said to Zoya "You and I are going to change the world", from the King of Scars duology. There's no reason, other than the author's personal plots against the Darkling, why he would say that to Zoya.

▪︎Remove the "your wars" dialogue from Alina to the Darkling from the King of Scars duology. Because sorry, but the Darkling didn't cause the wars between Ravka and the other countries. They were already there, long before him.

▪︎Not to imply / say that the Little Palace is actually a prison created by the Darkling for the Grisha, which he would snatch from their families (from the King of Scars duology). As we know, the Little Palace is a refuge for grisha. They also always have the right to contact with their families, who even receive money in exchange for studying at the Little Palace.

Yes, the King of Scars duology is basically a compilation of contradiction and bullshit from the author! We have all the general evidence to the contrary of what she says in this duology among the previous books, so I don't understand the delusions that she is having in this stupid duology...

12 notes · View notes

pige0ns · 2 years

Text

i got my bff to watch bcs, and they’re on s4 now. we’ve been talking about the show in terms of existentialism and i thought some of our convos would be good reads. she’s the brilliant and actually informed one in italics, i’m in regular.

....

1x07:

i get what you meant about this show being stressful now. like i’m sure i’m just barely at the start of it but i can already sense how much worse it’s going to get lmao.

i’m glad you can tell already sldjdk. like the very first scene of the show is him alone and anonymous and paranoid with his world literally devoid of color. so every single time he tries to move forward it’s like….but what happens, something happens

do you feel doomed?

no it really is such a twisted premise for a show ASKSKA

the fact that it’s him saying it to himself in that scene too is like.. great… good

but just the idea that like, the further you go and the more invested in the story you get the more you’re screwing yourself is… very meta

god yeah it's so true

and it's terrible because the starting premise of jimmy's character is that he's trying to change himself. he tried to stop being a conman, and become a lawyer, and live up to his brother and etc

it's like. the more you live your life, the closer you move to whatever it is you're going to become, whatever motivations you have along the way

i don't think the point of the show is that change is impossible, because we see that it isn't. it's more like, what's the role of choice vs futility in the process of becoming whatever you are. but unlike our other existentialist shows that have a more inbuilt positive guarantee this one is way more stressful and open-ended because the guarantee seems negative instead

like i feel like all of our other shows, it's a bit more "rah rah, you have the power to make good choices in bad situations" but this is more like "ok but what if you make the wrong choices, but you're trying your best. does that make you a hero or a villain?"

yeah i totally see that. it’s like [our other shows] are more about free will as an individual and choosing to be one force of good standing against a universe of chaos and destruction. black sails interrogates the matter of choice to say sure we’re free, but how free are we, and is that freedom the same for everyone. and then this show is maybe more about intention? it’s like, maybe you didn’t choose right even though you did have a choice, but if you thought it was right when you chose it, and you wanted to be good, but you aren’t, does that matter?

and sartre would say no, that your intention doesn’t matter because it wasn’t made manifest. whatever you chose is who you really are, and if you consistently choose wrong then you’re defined by those choices regardless of whether you did it knowing the outcome or if you did it saying you wanted the outcome to be something else. he’d say that to choose and then say that choice didn’t define you is to deny your inherent freedom and act in bad faith. but obviously there’s room for debate over the nuance in that and á la black sails, we can already see parts of his argument don’t necessarily always hold up, so i’m really interested to see how the show looks at that.

ugh yes, completely agree about the role of intention in this. and i think that's why it fits so well that this is a legal show. because the law is how we're supposed to assess how you should be punished for your actions. but the problem with the law is that it's human and fallible and often corrupt (which adds a black sails element). and so there's this temptation to say: well just because it's illegal that doesn't mean it's wrong, because my intentions are good. but if you're gonna make that distinction you also have to accept the consequences of defining your individual morality

and i think there's something also going on with that with this being an american show, too. like lots of references to american identity, propaganda, justice, freedom etc. because a lot of the american identity is wrapped up in being individualist. or an outlaw. doing your own thing. but individualism from an existentialist perspective shouldn't actually be an abdication of responsibility. if anything it goes along with more responsibility

all of that is so good.

sartre has this idea of "facticity" which is basically your past and the situation that you're born into, or historical residue. i think that my professor described it like a slug trail which seems pretty apt here ldkjfsl. it's like you can't change the choices you've already made and those choices inevitably impact the decisions you face in the future. even just from what i've seen so far it feels like you can trace so much of what's happened back to his decision to try to con mrs kettleman. that goes wrong but it also goes wrong in a way that's totally unforeseeable. he chooses to con her, but he doesn't choose to accidentally involve himself with the grandmother of a drug dealer and then that spirals into him feeling responsible for warning them that they're in danger and them running and then he has to find them because he's being threatened. that turns into him taking the money (arguably it's own, new choice) which starts to spawn a whole new set of circumstances. so it's like how much of it is free will, how much is poor decision making, how much is fate, and how much is it the result of previous, unchangeable actions? i think that has to be a really big element because sartre says that we can, still, at any moment, choose to be different than we have been. so in regards to idea of can people change, it seems like that's kind of what they're looking at, but they do it in a different way than black sails. black sails' argument is more like, there are institutions in place that make it absolutely impossible for people to change, or even prevent themselves from heading down that road in the first place. here it isn't so clear cut, because there are many very preventable choices he does make, but the fact that he does choose wrong doesn't necessarily tell you he doesn't want to change, so there's a lot more nuance involved.

but the fact that it's about the law is such a big thing too and i didn't even really think about it like that. the whole idea of responsibility is so big in existentialism because there's technically nothing holding you accountable for anything, and that accountability is like the razor thin line between existentialism and pure nihilism, where you can do whatever you want and nothing matters. nietzche talks about "destroying the temple of the given" and "living beyond good and evil" which is deconstructing ideas like the law or social norms (or morality in general) as something fixed and absolute which you are bound by. obviously you can break the law, and it's important to acknowledge that to accept your true freedom, but once you get into that territory you have to rely a lot on your own internal convictions, and if those convictions are shaky, you're in a lot of trouble. sartre actually references kierkegaard when he talks about his idea of "anguish" which is knowing that there's nothing which dictates any given choice you make as wrong or right before it is made. sartre's philosophy actually reminds me a lot of schrodinger's cat, because the idea is that nothing has value until it is chosen, because you give it value by virtue of choosing it, like the cat becomes either alive or dead in the moment that it is perceived. before that moment either choice could be right or wrong, and in making your choice you decide which it is, and anguish is someone's awareness of the crushing responsibility in that fact. i thought that was really interesting in the way they incorporate this feeling of dread or doom into the story because kierkegaard talks about dread all the time. sartre references kierkegaard's story of abraham sacrificing issac, which is his model for existential faith, because he says faith is the thing that separates sacrifice from murder. that's the teleological suspension of the ethical, that you act outside of societal rules and norms in the name of a larger purpose, but he says that "abraham is not what he is without this dread" meaning that what separates teleological suspension of the ethical from someone doing whatever they want is this constant awareness that you may be making the wrong the choice and, more importantly, the fear and dread in that knowledge. you have to care that you might be choosing wrong, and that caring is the only real thing holding you accountable.

so exactly like you said with the american individualism, because american individualism feels way more nihilistic in a every man for himself kind of way. existentialism says that you can choose to be that, but it's not inherently valid, and if you do choose that you need to really reconcile with that choice. why would you choose to be someone who doesn't care about the meaning behind what you do and how it impacts others, like of all the things you could be, why would you choose that? so that fact that jimmy does clearly care makes it so interesting, because it's like the dread and fear that you're going to choose wrong, and then you do choose wrong, and what does that mean?

ugh yes i love all of this. but especially love what you say about doom and dread because i'd never thought about that element of the show in quite that way before. but it's very present. because we know at least some of the outcome of the story ahead of time, we're acutely aware of the fact that decisions can lead to doom. and it adds that weight, or existential awareness, to every decision that characters make as a result--even (maybe especially) when the characters themselves don't yet feel it

wrt facticity, i love that you brought in that term and concept because i think it's huge in this. the show also definitely does stuff with nature and nurture as it goes on. whether you're inherently one way or another, and how circumstances affect you. there's a lot of language around addiction associated with jimmy's scamming, an uncertainty whether it's a compulsion for him, or a choice--whether he's just inherently bad or not. and if you're *told* it's a compulsion, what effect that has. (and how socially, when people are categorized as "bad" that limits the decisions society will often let them make). like jimmy's goals don't seem bad, but he keeps making bad decisions, so does that tendency to make bad decisions make him bad?

they really just strike such an interesting balance with jimmy, i don't think i've seen much like it in a character before. because the fact that he cares, like you say, makes him so sympathetic. and the fact that he tries. and the fact that a lot of things aren't his "fault". and yet the show also isn't interested in pretending otherwise when things are his fault, too. it's very very clear on when he's doing something wrong. he has a ton of agency. i'm used to morally ambiguous characters, even fun ones. but he's really unusual because you feel for him SO much even when he's doing obviously wrong things, and it's not in a vicarious way like "he's a badass.” you just feel for him.

oh yes all the nature and nurture stuff is a really big part of facticity too. sartre i think is closer to the whole tabula rasa theory because it's all about existence proceeds essence, that we aren't born with an essence and there's nothing dictating that we'll choose one way or the other, so it makes a lot of sense that they would bring those question in too. i like the categorization of bad as well, because that's like the living beyond good and evil thing, the idea that good and evil themselves are societal constructs. there isn't actually a good or bad or wrong or right, but whether you're going to accept the responsibility that comes with that fact is critical. it's almost like it's less about if you're good or bad and more about who you want to be and who you want to become and if your choices are faithful to that projection or not (referred to as "future projecting" i think) so that i feel like is really interesting in this context, like is he bad because he does things considered "bad," or is he bad because the things he's doing don't reflect the person he wants to be, and then why don't they and what does that mean?

totally, totally. i love the way all of jimmy's personas bring in that idea of future projection. like he could be a lawyer that helps old people. he could be the lawyer who helps run an enormous meth operation. he could be a sad man hiding out in nebraska. he could be a romantic. it's like it literalizes the way that your choices both spring from and create the identity you end up as. and highlights the fact that jimmy isn’t being consistent in his choices.

....

2x09:

god this whole scene with chuck is so terrible

the morality shit is so complicated though, because legality aside i really don't hold him doctoring the files against him. it doesn't really seem like more of sabotage than chuck going in to make sure kim couldn't get the clients she brought in and earned just because they have more resources, and who cares that a branch of a bank got screwed over, but then when it gets into the lying and the lying to kim and her believing it and defending him suddenly it seems really wrong even though everything she's saying is also still true so it's like, where's the line?

here see like if she doesn't actually believe him does that make it more or less wrong

no totally. and the fact that honestly chuck did a similar thing to jimmy first. when he left jimmy asleep on the couch to go call howard and stop jimmy from getting a job. it's just that what chuck did was legal

like jimmy was humiliated during that meeting the same way chuck was in the meeting with the regulator

but yeah, then you get into the lying and manipulation

and i looove the way kim versus chuck phrase the wrongness in that scene. chuck is like, this was wrong because jimmy broke the law and you have a duty as an officer of the court. and kim is like, if this is true then jimmy will get charged with crimes. like for chuck the truth of the situation comes down to a principle (which has a personal component he can't really admit ofc) and for kim it comes down to how it affects a person, ie jimmy

it's like. all of them are being willfully (and also not-willfully) blind to second-order effects of the stuff they do in the name of justice. jimmy wants to right a wrong against kim, but ends up wronging her and others in the process. chuck wants to protect the law from his brother. but in the process he just makes jimmy more desperate and likely to pursue illegal stuff

god yeah all of that it's a lot dlkfjsk

but that's such a good point about chuck also doing what he thinks is 'right' and it having negative consequences but that what he's doing is """objectively""" right societally and legally and what jimmy's doing isn't, but does that make it more wrong? are they equally wrong? does the fact that what chuck did was legal actually justify what jimmy did since it was essentially the same? or does it just delegitimize the right-ness of the law? but if it delegitimizes the morality of the law, and the illegality is what's making jimmy wrong in what he's doing, then wouldn't that neutralize that argument anyways?

exactly god it goes in so many circles

i feel like a danger the show is aware of is that the law might be illegitimate as morality in a lot of ways, but if your insight only goes so far as recognizing that, then it's basically just nihilism. like, chuck's principles might not be based in an objective morality, but it doesn't mean that having principles at all is wrong. chuck is perhaps too principled but on the flipside i think jimmy's problem is that his morals are too situational.

no exactly and like, that's where the existentialism comes in askdfjs. it's like, if you're just going to say that there is no such thing as objective morality, or objective truth, then you're just at nihilism, and that's not really anything revolutionary. the point is that you have to create your own internal morality, and it's so true about chuck being too principled and jimmy relying too much on situational justification, but it's also like they're both relying too much on external validation. chuck might be relying too much on the law to tell him what's right and what isn't, but jimmy is also justifying what he's doing based on xyz is fair and this person did that which means that i can do this and it's alright because of xyz reason, when the whole thing with existential morality is you can't justify it at all. that's the whole idea of taking things on internal faith. you can't make an argument for why what you did was right because you're accepting that there's no objective basis to make an argument with, and jimmy can tell that the law isn't necessarily the arbitrator of right and wrong, but he hasn't actually accepted responsibility for his own ideas of right and wrong, he's still trying to prove them based on something else, and that's why it's so slippery.

like the idea really is that right and wrong aren't real. they aren't based on anything concrete, so once you step away from the social construct of right and wrong you're out on your own in the dark. you kind of just have to accept that you did what you thought was right, but you can't really defend it. you can't prove it was right, to yourself or anyone else, and that's why it's so much responsibility and why most people choose to just stay within morality as it's been established socially, because you can't actually be sure and you have to live with that uncertainty or else you're not being authentic to the choices you're making.

....

3x10

Jimmy: “Look, you were just doing what you thought you had to do.”

[...]

Kim: “I’m an adult. I made a choice.”

woof

ugh yes. i made a choice, as if that isn't the whole theme of the show sdlkhf

but no seriously like the juxtaposition there is so perfect because kim is doing exactly what you're supposed to do in saying that she made a decision and it had consequences. she can regret it now, but she doesn't try to justify it or give some reason for why she did it. in the end that was the choice she made, and it shows the contrast with jimmy saying you did what you thought you had to do, because even if that's true, it's kind of the whole point. like the whole idea that in choosing you are declaring that something is the right the choice in any given situation. of course she thought that was the right decision when she made it, because that's how it works, but it was still a decision, and jimmy saying she thought she "had to" sums up why existentialists think that being authentic about your choices is the only way to recognize the full extent of your freedom. in acknowledging that she had a choice, she acknowledges that she was an active participant in the situation and that moving forward she can make different choices. she stops being a victim of her circumstances. that's what jimmy can't really figure out how to do and why he seems like he's trapped in this trajectory. he can't acknowledge that in doing what he feels he has to do, he's still making a choice. no one is forcing him to do these things. he's not trapped, he's trapping himself.

and her going to the blockbuster is kind of an example of that too honestly dkfjs. that's really one of the biggest examples they give, that people feel like they 'have to' work and the idea is that you really don't in reality. it doesn't mean there wouldn't be consequences if you stopped going to work or quit your job, it just means that you looked at your options and decided you'd rather go to work instead of living with those consequences. at any point you could stop, but you're choosing not to, and theoretically in acknowledging that you become more free and more in control of your free will. you become more of an active participant in your own life instead of someone that things happen to.

ooh that's a really good point. i hadn't thought of the blockbuster bit in those terms but that's exactly right.

and that's one of the interesting things about jimmy. is that he feels so trapped, especially this season--that might actually be one of the main things the season is about, and why it makes sense for kim to say that in the finale. he feels trapped by chuck, who literally starts the season by tricking him into making that confession. he feels trapped by that whole legal situation, by things like community service rules or tv station rules. and there's the trap of his expenses in general. (and there's a parallel with the cartel story too with nacho feeling trapped by the salamancas and wanting to kill hector). but at the end of the day all of this stuff involved choice.

yesss that's a really good point and i didn't even really put together the nacho parallel directly i was just thinking it was relevant to the overall themes but as a contained season arc it works so well

Chuck: “And I’m telling you, don’t bother. What’s the point? You’re just gonna keep hurting people.”

Jimmy: “That’s not true.”

Chuck: “Jimmy, this is what you do.”

okay 1. i'm getting increasingly tired of this man but 2. it really shows the difference between chuck's attitude and kim's almost more than kim's and jimmy's, because jimmy's kind of somewhere in the middle. the point of having regret is literally to acknowledge your role in the outcome of a situation and use your dissatisfaction with that outcome to make different choices in the future, but instead of telling him that, chuck's telling him to stop feeling regret because he'll always make the same choices which is backwards as hell ldkfjskl. whether jimmy wants to listen to that or not is still totally on him, but chuck has spent this whole season saying he's trying to help jimmy by holding him accountable for his actions. he keeps saying he knows jimmy so well but apparently can't figure out that threatening and punishing him into acting a certain way will never work, and yet the second jimmy shows an actual internal willingness to change and comes to take accountability for his choices chuck shuts him down.

honestly i feel like one of the major reasons their relationship is so twisted is that jimmy just inherently has more compassion than chuck, or at least than chuck has towards jimmy, and it's almost reinforced chuck's belief that he's always in the right and jimmy's always in the wrong. it's like jimmy is trying to make up for something chuck will never forgive him for. nothing he does is ever enough. all the work and effort he put into taking care of chuck, sticking up for him, making sure he wasn't taken advantage of, are all things that jimmy owes to chuck. he doesn't seem to see it as any kind of evening of the scales. he never does anything similar for jimmy. jimmy is always the one who comes to apologize. it doesn't matter what chuck does to him, how he betrays him, or how he hurts him. he told him about switching the numbers as a sacrifice because it was more important to him that chuck was okay and the fact that he twisted that against him, whether warranted or not, was honestly cruel in a way that i don't think chuck can understand, because he in no way acknowledged that when push came to shove, jimmy chose him and his well being over himself. he didn't feel he was given any more than what he was owed, and that's kind of the key difference. he never has to apologize or own up to his mistakes because jimmy ultimately is always more willing to take accountability if it means salvaging their relationship, and chuck is always more interested in punishing him. there's never an equal interest in jimmy's well being. there's never any equal show of compassion. it's really ironic honestly.

ugh yes completely. chuck nominally wants to hold jimmy accountable but he isn't actually interested in empowering jimmy's ability to choose to be better. he's interested in jimmy being a version of himself that chuck has in his head. like he's right that remorse without change is a failure to use remorse for its most existentially noble purpose, but not, like you say, that the feeling is useless in and of itself

i wrote a tumblr post about this, but i love that chuck's delusion is about electricity specifically. because it means that he literally chooses to live in the technological past. change literally makes him anxious, but his delusion allows him to see that anxiety as rational and even noble.

and it fits perfectly with his role in jimmy's life, as a person who tethers jimmy to his past, and sees him as incapable of change

omg no that's so good. i knew there had to be some significance to the electricity thing and i hadn't really worked out what it was but that's exactly it.

honestly the fact that he has these delusions and jimmy enables them (though everyone else does too) by not acknowledging that they are delusions fits into him feeding into this narrative that chuck is always in the right as well, and it fits even more perfectly given that's what the electricity symbolizes

yes!! and i love how on the flipside you have kim, who basically forgives jimmy everything, and aids and abets his choices because she thinks the world hasn't been compassionate enough to him. she sees and values all of his good intentions where chuck sees none of them, or doesn't value what he does see. but while kim isn't irrational or deluded about her compassion for jimmy at all, she isn't "taken in" by him in some way (like chuck--notably!!--thinks she is), it still has its negative potential as well

but no exactly about kim, it's like jimmy is stuck between them in that kim forgives him for everything and chuck refuses to forgive him for anything but kim is also much more insistent on his ability to freely choose what he does while chuck insists he's incapable of change

and it's not necessarily bad to have someone that you know will almost always forgive you as long as you don't abuse that which is kind of the struggle. jimmy clearly needs kim and i think that's a big reason why. even if he keeps making bad choices he is still held by a real desire not to disappoint her or force her to forgive him, which is still more effective than chuck constantly punishing him, but it isn't necessarily effective enough. her being unable to forgive him would just destroy any incentive to make good choices but her forgiving everything makes that incentive less strong too. obviously the real problem is that he is too reliant on her and his wanting her to be proud of him, and he can't really change until he does it for himself.

oh and i think nacho is an interesting foil again. because his dad is seemingly playing the role of chuck--the family connection on the right side of the law who is a stickler for that and wants nacho to give up crime. and the salamancas are seemingly playing the role of kim--the co-conspirators who value him. but in reality the salamancas and his dad are playing opposite roles. and it creates a really nice thematic balance

like you get the feeling that nacho's dad actually does love him for real, but his strictness comes from believing that nacho genuinely is capable of making a change and holding him to that. and the salamancas just assume that nacho is a forever criminal

yesss that's so true

that's a really good connection

i really like how [the lawyer and cartel plots are] connected especially because in a lot of ways they feel like totally different shows and they're only held together by a few scenes, but you know they're eventually going to converge which creates a real feeling of dissonance on both sides. they feels so separate but you know they are genuinely all one story which adds something almost surreal to both sides.

totally totally. the cartel stuff really does feel like this lurking threat, like all the stuff that jimmy is keeping at bay. it fits perfectly, symbolism-wise, that it's when he does his first con in the first season that he runs into the cartel. it just establishes that symbolic link right at the beginning

and i love, in that light, that the cartel side is full of characters making their own choices too. it's not just an amorphous symbol of "bad." because the whole problem is that jimmy isn't taking many many things into account when it comes to his choices, and that's represented by this whole other active world in parallel to him

it both represents and gives lie to the compartmentalization the characters try to engage in

yessss

exactly to all of that. they seem like they should be diametrically opposed, the law and the cartel, but they're constantly mixing and overlapping, both thematically and literally within the plot. it goes back to that thing of like, you can be a good or bad person as a criminal or as someone who enforces the law, it depends more on what decisions you make than the label of lawyer or criminal. that entire conflict is embodied in jimmy, who's frequently both, so it's like they aren't diametrically opposed, but they are incompatible, and at some point he's going to have to come down on one side or the other, which is one choice underlying a lifetime of choice that create your identity, lawyer or criminal, good or bad person.

....

4x06-4x07

picture of jimmy’s notepad saying Kim Wexler / Banking Law & Jimmy McGill / XYZ Law over and over

no no no no no

but god doesn't this perfectly sum up their relationship dklsj

god i know

fucked up how it’s literally the most consistent thing jinmy wants between every season of the show so far. he just wants an office with kim

s1 he tries offer her the elder law office, s2 he’s doing the doodles and gets her to join, s3 he does everything to keep their office, and now this. like :( :(

it's seriously so sad. him basically having a panic attack when she says she wants to go work with schweikart and cokely and then coming back and telling her to do it hit me really bad like... yeah....

really is awful how unselfish he can be. all the stuff he does and you still can't ever say he only thinks or cares about himself. like him giving up the settlement money and getting all his former clients to hate him even though they were the only people besides kim who ever really liked him, everything he did for chuck, and his consistent determination to make sure kim is happy and gets what she deserves even if it's not with him and it hurts him. it sucks so bad.

the way he’s a good enough boyfriend to not put that panic attack on her but god

i keep thinking about that flashback with his dad. sheep and wolves. how his dad was this sucker to jimmy who gave people money, and jimmy wants to be the kind of person who sees through that. but the reality is that he’s just as softhearted.

and people like chuck have seen that in him and taken advantage of it

god yeah exactly

that chuck was always so condescending and acted like jimmy was so far beneath him for taking advantage of people and acted like he took advantage of their parents when he was really the one constantly taking advantage of jimmy's selflessness

and it's really interesting that he blamed their business failing on jimmy when it's not like he didn't take any money, but in actuality it was clearly because his parents were too nice not to be constantly taken advantage of and he was the one there trying to stop that. chuck blames jimmy for what was really his parents trying to be good people and then he's the one who exploits jimmy all while believing he's this great upstanding guy and jimmy's just a scumbag who can't do anything but hurt people.

i know, it’s so telling the way chuck frames jimmy as a monster when we also clearly see that jimmy’s father gave people money regardless of jimmy.

also depressing the way chuck idealizes their father as a "paragon of good" yet doesn't perceive the similarities jimmy has with him (or how that goodness could lead to their business failing without jimmy's help)

yeah god seriously. it’s like a combination of upholding him as a symbol of good, failing to recognize how that good might be a weakness too, and then only sees jimmy’s weaknesses without any of the good. it’s all black and white. either you’re good or you aren’t, and you can see how that doesn’t really make sense when you look at the similarities between jimmy and his father and the fact that he so clearly sees one as purely good and one as ultimately bad.

i think it’s also really interesting how chuck kind of takes the line of saying jimmy doesn’t mean to hurt people and isn’t a bad person but it doesn’t matter because his actions don’t reflect that, and even though on the surface that has some validity it has to be more complicated. his dad knew he was probably being ripped off, but he didn’t want to take the chance that they were telling the truth and so he always believed them, and while that choice seems really good, it also meant he wasn’t able to keep himself in business or support his family. it had consequences. good things have bad consequences. it can also follow that bad things, like what jimmy does, can have good consequences. that’s why it always comes back to this idea that you can’t be objectively good or bad, you can only be aware of the consequences of your decisions when you make them and willingly commit to those consequences.

and i think you see that with nacho’s dad too actually, and with mike’s son, in wanting to do the right thing and getting punished for it. if that’s something you want to die for, or lose everything for, you can make that choice. if that’s the person you need to be, you can be that person, but are you automatically worse if you choose not to for whatever reason. to take care of your family, or even just to live? you could make the argument that it’s more selfish to give up those responsibilities and the opportunity to do other good things when your action will probably won’t mean much anyways. you report police misconduct to a corrupt police station. you take down one arm of the cartel which is taken over by someone else. it’s all just about what’s worth it to you in the end.

ugh yes completely. and i'm really interested in (a) your thoughts on where the arcs of characters go from here in that light, and (b) what the show ultimately decides when it comes to finishing those arcs

like i won't spoil what i know of where some stuff goes. but for mike for example, we know he dies in breaking bad. and he keeps trying to save money for his grand-daughter by doing this criminal stuff, but the money keeps getting seized. so eventually he dies with basically his criminal career amounting to nothing. and it's in parallel to walt who also nominally is doing criminal stuff "for his family" but it's really just a smokescreen for a power-trip

that mike and walt end up having very similar arcs despite the fact that mike is not deluded about being either a criminal or a bad person and tries to be as good of a criminal as he can be nonetheless

that in a lot of ways mike basically abdicates his responsibility for being a good person in a larger sense, despite trying to be a good person in an immediate sense, and so he ends up the way he does. but you know, what actually was the right decision there

that's such a good point and i honestly really love how the show brings up this idea of like 'it was all for nothing' because that's really one of the most terrifying parts of existentialism right alongside the knowledge that there's no possible way to determine if you're doing the right thing, and they mix that together really well.

because it's all going to be for nothing regardless of what you choose or if you do the right or wrong thing. it's all going to be for nothing no matter what, so you need to figure out if your life and choices have value to you outside or whether you're able to achieve the ends you're pursuing, and that's where it's like... the effort has to mean *something*. maybe mike didn't get the money for his grand daughter but was it worth it for him to try? his choices still had value. whether it helped him cope with his son's death or feel like he had control over his ability to protect his family, or got them enough money to pay the bills for a while, or he was able to influence the way that certain events played out in a way that slightly mitigated the potential damage done, then maybe just the effort was enough and was better than if he'd done something else.

and that's interesting in contrast with walt too because his end was always an excuse and his actions didn't align with it in any way, but mike's actions were all still faithful to his goals even things didn't play out the way he wanted, and that's kind of the idea of future projecting. you can't necessarily control how things play out or if you get the things you want, but you can make choices you think are consistent with that ideal, and then at least what you've done will be authentic to what you wanted.

it's like the difference between the ends justify the means and making the means consistent with the end. if you're doing bad things for the 'greater good' and it doesn't work out, then you're just a person who's done bad things, but if you're doing what you think is right in pursuit of what you think is right, and you don't achieve that end, at least you can still be assured in your choices

that's such a good point about the "it was all for nothing" thing, because i'd been thinking about what a constant that really is in these two shows. but hadn't quite put it into those existentialist terms. they're both tragedies, and they're both tragedies centered around the idea of striving constantly for something and then failing. and that really does make you ask, well what's the point of trying at all? but from the existentialist perspective, the point is feeling like your actions have been consistent with your goals, however they turn out

and i feel like you can connect that to these being american shows, too. how a lot of the american identity is wrapped up in the idea of striving and success. you have "freedom" and you're an individualist on the frontier who can win. (there's a really interesting motif in bcs about the idea of winning. saul on the tv in the first ep talking about how most importantly he wins, jimmy talking about wanting to win even more cases when his ppd is up, him generally wanting to feel like a winner. howard saying "you can get so caught up in the idea of winning you forget to listen to your heart", howard telling chuck "he won" at the end of s3, chuck on some levels killing himself and insulting jimmy in order to win, etc). like the idea that a lot of american identity is based on a hollow idea of winning because there's no concrete goal, no way to actually measure wining. but people haven't accepted that there is no measure of that kind of thing, per existentialism. and so their actions spiral in negative ways.

yesss that's so good. honestly even in my class my teacher talked about how american individualism is just another form of cultural ideology, so it really is so perfect how they go into that. the idea of group ideology is such a big part of so many different theories, nietzsche's "herd mentality" and heidegger's "falling prey to the they" (the catchiest example dfjks) are probably the big ones, but the whole idea of structural truths and values and being able to break out of things which are culturally accepted as true and normal but are meaningless in reality and american individualism is a big part of that. it's like this weird paradox where we've tricked ourselves into thinking we're free and we're our own individual people but we're only doing that because it's what everyone else is doing, and it's always a projection outwards. we need to be seen to be the most free, the most independently successful, etc. which goes into your point about winning and the pathological need to win when, like you said, there is no real metric for winning because "winning" itself is a cultural construct ldfkjs, so it just goes on and on.

#better call saul #i've edited very lightly to cut out personal or irrelevant stuff #and some stuff for spelling and readability #but otherwise i've left it alone so take our keysmashes and vague phrasing as-is lol

41 notes · View notes

nagasakidivision · 2 years

Text

I have been super scattered lately (also rap battles are hard and Damien's section is what I've been stuck on to the point I might drop it just so I can get it out the door) so to try and get a little back in the groove again I'm gonna talk about the ethics and worldview of the team since they're fairly crucial to the storyline :U

As a minor content warning: this gets existential all over the place and veers off into discussing about the possibility of an afterlife within Shirou's section along with fairly intense self-loathing. For that reason, I'm putting this under a cut, and if that sort of stuff gets under your skin it might be best to avoid his bit. Also, I wouldn't shut up (you see where Haruto gets it from,) so it's also cut for length too.

Haruto

I mentioned this in the facts meme, but Haruto's primary framework and what he would define as his exact school of thought is existentialism. Existentialism, however, is a philosophical outlook and not an ethical framework. It gives you a way to define the world and what you ultimately need to work towards, but not really how to do it. His school of ethics would fall more under intuitionism, the idea that morality is an innate quality in all people and can be tapped into, refined, and improved over time.

Ethical intuition is something that exists without biological imperative (e.g. it isn't a thing that's necessary for survival) and what is ethical can only be determined through accessing that moral intuitive instinct. When I say it can be refined, that means you're better learning how to use it, not learning some greater moral truth. The reason that he's so against utilitarianism (which is the philosophical framework that whatever action causes the maximum amount of happiness is the best action) is he sees it as a corruption of that innate nature. What's good and right won't always make people happy.

To apply this to his reasoning of "sure, we'll do a heist on Chuouku if we can get into the finals, what's the worst that can happen," he's fully aware that this might end with them all dead in a ditch or disappeared into some secret prison. It is extraordinarily unlikely to succeed, if they do get the truth out they've mostly just exposed something that could have easily been left buried and happened years ago. People will be upset, lose trust in the government, and very little objectively good in the sense of "makes people happier" would come out of it especially since a revolution is practically speaking not going to end well even if one happens.

For the record, if Shirou and/or Damien had turned him down, he wouldn't have forced them to, but he would have tried to find other members. He had his heart set on doing it. Fortunately, the two of them also have a death wish.

Anyway. This is another argument he's made against utilitarianism: it's essentially impossible to perform the moral calculations necessary to maximize happiness, because the capacity to do so does not exist and trying to do so will inevitably result in catastrophic failures. Each person is an unknowable microcosm of thoughts, motivations, and essential traits, and as a person's known world has grown beyond small communities to a global reality where every minor action changes the life of someone miles away whose motivations and mind you can't possibly understand. The world was always this incomprehensible, it's just now been laid bare for everyone to see. This is good and bad, facing this reality allows someone to confront the truth of existence, but it also causes intense fear and trembling (that is a Kierkegaard joke) when you try to understand the enormity of the world around you.

Each individual person can only place trust in their own intuition and take it on faith that others around them will do the same, and that this will result in good...though "good" here means that you have to be aware of your actions, plan that it will potentially have a good outcome, and be attempting to commit it within a moral framework. This all comes with the knowledge that most people won't and that's why things are bad...however, it shouldn't stop you from trying to do the right thing.

Final note: Haruto is the only one who doesn't have a specific religious slant to his framework...sort of. He's very heavily influenced by Kierkegaard and Weil who were deeply concerned with the potential existence of a divine power, use tons and tons of religious metaphors when they're not outright talking about God, and toe the line between theology and philosophy. He's familiar with some theological schools of thought and the concept of intuitionism resonates in an interesting way with process theology in the sense that process theologians believe that we have a direct connection with God but can only define that divine power through a flawed human understanding. This moral intuition, Damien would argue with him, comes from that connection with God.

IN SUMMARY: shit is weird out there and the world is scary but follow ur heart and make your own goodness bro

Damien

Well, a lot of his philosophy is lifted from virtue ethics. This, again, states that there are universal values which exist as a part of human nature, but comes at things from a different angle. These values can be directly defined as things like courage, kindness, and so on. Even anger can be a good thing, in its more moderate version of zeal. You wouldn't be motivated to act against injustice without it. It is, however, possible to have both too little or too much of these, or deficiency of one that causes extreme negative qualities. So, you can be too kind in the sense that you start to completely lack any sense of self-preservation. For an example Ammon Hennacy uses, imagine the common soldier who has the courage to risk his life but is completely lacking in the kindness necessary to recognize the humanity of those he's fighting in an unjust war.

Speaking of war: he's an anarcho-pacifist which means that he is a pacifist but anpacs take the definition of violence beyond just war. Unjust hierarchy is an act of violence in and of itself, coercing people into following it through the implication of violence to the self through things like ostracization, homelessness, using law enforcement as a weapon, etc. Just because people aren't being actively harmed physically doesn't make it violence, especially when many actions of the state to keep people in line can cause psychological suffering.

(I always thought it was funny...or I guess sad-funny that Jakurai's quote is from The Kingdom of God is Within You, which is THE defining book for anarcho-pacifism as an ideology and if you tell me that Civil Disobedience actually is I will fight you, because Thoreau might have effectively invented nonviolent resistance that's just one aspect of anarcho-pacifism, the point is that it's pretty difficult to be a Tolstoyan anarchist and have a negative view of human nature the way Jakurai does. You can't think of people as being corrupted by unnatural hierarchies and that dismantling them would create a better world without having a positive opinion of what people will do when left to their own devices...which, Damien is since he thinks that virtues are an innate part of humanity!)

This is why even though Chuouku did forced disarmament and got rid of the army, which he's definitely not opposed to at all, he still can't stand them. Hoarding mics, only giving them to the people they favor and who show loyalty to them, and making sure to look away when those people misuse the power given to them, it's all violence too.

Also: according to the stageplays, Chuouku does things like giving mics to criminal syndicates, my personal headcanon is that this is to keep elements who could stand against them in check. Groups like Onigawara Bombers or Dark Liberty who'd otherwise potentially do something are running around trying to keep gangsters from making people miserable, so they're actively taking actions to make the lives of average people worse in order to hold onto power.

Anyways, back to virtues. Ethical intuitionism is partially descended from virtue ethics but often defines what's ethical different and isn't concerned with achieving some perfect balance of virtue-related qualities, while virtue ethicists are. Also, not all intuitionists believe that you can specifically name or quantify what these good qualities are (Haruto would hesitate to do it, for example) but some do. W.D. Ross, for example, did and managed to explain it in a pretty cohesive way, I think that his seven duties are a pretty neat philosophy to follow that's also actually comprehensible to someone who hasn't been reading Kant so long they forgot what words that make sense are.

So, a virtue ethicist is more concerned about personal growth than with specific greater duties to the world around them. This state of perfect cultivation was called eudaimonia by Aristotle, and actually lines up really neatly with the Christian mystic (which...Damien functionally is, Japan's Churchless Christianity movement has a LOT in common with Christian mysticism even if it's not necessarily mystical,) belief in theosis, which is achieving a perfect unity with God in which everything you do is, by definition, in perfect alignment with God.

(Christian mystics believe everyone has a direct connection to God, it's not really a denomination so much as a philosophy that crosses over with a few existing denominations like the Society of Friends. As a philosophy it's also deconstructionist in that they don't believe a priesthood is necessary because, well, everyone has that little Holy-Spirit-Voice in them. I absolutely do not have time to get into the details of that here however, this is mostly just reminding me I really need to do that writeup on Churchless Christianity.)

If anything he thinks that the external forces of hierarchical society corrupt this connection to your inner voice and try to force you into doing things that are wrong and unnatural. Consider this: you've got a loaf of bread and some spare change, and there's a man on the side of the road who's panhandling and who seems to be homeless. Basic morality says to give him the money, the bread, or both...but you're likely in a position where you may not be able to give either. You need the money for bus fare, that bread is basically there to tide you over until the next payday, and you can't be late to your job so you have to run along and pretend you don't see the guy. This is without going into the fact that the reason you have this artificial scarcity is because a tiny percentage of people hold a disproportionate amount of resources and will not do anything to help greater society as a whole.

ok this is actually longer than haruto's so let's wrap it up

IN SUMMARY: nothing in you is inherently bad or evil, you can be too much of one thing but just spend lots of time thinking and cultivating those qualities and ur good, also violence is very bad

Shirou

I don't really know what to call this other than Extreme Catholic Guilt with a side of "odd but somewhat precedented theology about the nature of hell" and "how did you combine utilitarianism with this all again?" The material world is inherently, irreversibly flawed and it's impossible to live without causing and enduring suffering throughout your life. Unlike classical Stoics or Buddhist philosophers, he stops short of the "and that's why you should let it go and understand the impermanence of the world around you" so that doesn't help him much.

Some Christian mystic theologians (and a lot of very early Christians who were heavily influenced by Platonic philosophy and saw the Kingdom of God as a platonic ideal of the world vs. the flawed physical world) went as far to say that the physical world is Hell and given that one of the earliest words to refer to Hell was an actual, literal, physical place (the valley of Gehinnom) it's not without precedent. The mystic theologian Eckhart von Hochheim believed that what humans would briefly perceive as Hell was actually a host of angels trying to destroy your connections to the physical world, lay theologian Ammon Hennacy famously said (paraphrasing) "If there is a Hell, it's what we've made of this world." It squares nicely with ideals of universal salvationism or generally concepts that there is no eternal life of torment after death. This is as bad as things get, and there's moments of not-bad within it. The flawed reality we live in is solely due to the imperfect nature of humanity and their disconnect with God.

This...isn't too far off what he believes. There's a decent amount of textual and historical evidence that Hell was more the period of torment during the imminent arrival of the Kingdom of God and afterwards there was simply a cessation of the soul while modern dogma has veered comically far away from that (and that the Kingdom of God may have been more an actual, physical place on Earth, which is veering off into things that he doesn't believe.) So it's less he thinks that he might be going to Hell, more that he thinks he's simply going to stop...being.

Or, not really, he's basically done Pascal's Wager with his soul. He's banking on the idea of a merciful God who will understand that even if he's done some regrettable actions then if he makes some grand act of sacrifice to protect other people who are innocent than he'll be forgiven. If he's already lost, too, he can keep doing them because hey, he can't get any worse than he is now.

All that said, he is trying to do something approaching good by reducing the amount of pain in the world, he's just exceptionally pessimistic it's ever going to make any kind of difference. It's more a matter of minimizing other people's suffering, frequently at great expense to himself.

I said Shirou and Damien had a death wish in Haruto's section and it's more like Damien has no common sense or practical idea what he is/isn't capable of. Shirou is the one who actively has a death wish, as in, he tells himself that he doesn't care whether he lives or dies as long as he's committing himself to a good cause. If he does die, well, better him than someone else, right?

The funny part is that he otherwise would have his life the most in order and be relatively functional if it weren't for the fact he has an incredibly negative self-image and is internally the least sure of what he's doing and if it's even possible to do the right thing or if he's just hit some irreversible point of no return for being a decent person. This has caused him to commit himself to some extremely questionable actions (that don't involve murder, that's Jakurai's job.)

IN SUMMARY: we are in hell. maybe literally. my life has no intrinsic value. help.

#hypmic oc #hypnosis mic oc #hypmic #hypnosis mic #you may be asking #how can you write a multi-page character analysis #and not like six bars of a rap #and the answer is #i am unfortunately an academic

4 notes · View notes

peachycoreroo · 3 years

Text

the forbidden fruit | zeke yeager

summary: zeke was like a second father to you and you were his favorite little girl. maybe, it wasn't normal to like your dad's best friend that much, but who cares if it's normal when it feels this good.

pairing: dad’s best friend!zeke x college fem!reader

genre: smut, pwp

word count: 5.4k

warnings: age gap, vaginal penetration, lowkey pseudo-cest bc you call zeke 'uncle', daddy kink, oral fem!receiving, fingering, oral m!receiving, mini degradation, praise kink, a few spanks, choking, zeke spits in your mouth, usage of ‘slut’, ‘whore’ and ‘slutty’, bunny as a pet name, kinda exhibitionism?, manipulation, corruption kink, dub-con vibes but you actually want it, jealousy, mentions of alcohol, smoking, dumbification, manhandling, unprotected sex (pls wrap it up kids), creampie, size kink

authors note: this is for @weepinglevi‘s adult movie tropes collab, thank you sm for letting me join!! def check out the other amazing fics in this collab<3 this is a lot darker than my other stuff so far, but i had so much fun writing it, so enjoy my first piece for aot!! here’s a link to my masterlist

uncle zeke, or uncle zuzu as you liked to call him when you were still a child, has always been your favorite person since you were little. technically, you weren’t blood-related, but you might as well have been with how integrated into your family he was.

him and your father were best friends since middle school and you did call him ‘daddy’ a lot back then as a three-year-old, when you couldn’t grasp the concept of him not also being your dad. he was there for your birth, your childhood, your embarrassing teens and now even for your 20th birthday.

you don’t exactly know when the thing happened though.

one day, you were all a big, happy family and the next you suddenly realized, how attractive zeke yeager really was. maybe, it was the way you noticed that he was so much more athletic and broader than your father as they walked around your pool in their swimming trunks on a hot summer day. maybe, it was the way you suddenly became aware of how tall he really was, when you tried to reach a cup on a shelf too high, only to feel his presence directly behind you with his chest against your back as he reached his arm above your head and grabbed the cup, only to hand it to you with a teasing ‘you should really try this thing called growing. i heard it does wonders against high shelfs.’ or maybe, it was the way you finally registered how his gray eyes shamelessly checked you out as you walked around in your flimsy crop tops and shorts, barely covering anything.

it was so wrong, but that didn’t mean you would stop your little teasing. your dresses got shorter and shorter, dropping your keys on purpose on the way out just to flash him your lacy panties. hugging him longer than usual as he was leaving, just to press your breasts up against his hard chest. you wanted him to know you weren’t a little girl anymore. you wanted his mind to be filled with lewd thoughts about you. only you.

even when you left for college, you couldn’t stop thinking about the blond man, especially when you were in your bed late at night, with your hand stuffed in your panties and your mouth whimpering his name into the pillow. images of him, with his hard cock in a large palm, pleasuring himself with you on his mind, groaning your name, always brought you to an orgasm, but it wasn’t enough. you knew the only way to quench your need for this man was by having him, no matter how rotten your desire was.

at last, it was finally your birthday, and you couldn’t wait to get home and act upon your ploy to seduce zeke yeager. it was a foolproof plan really. nobody would even suspect you were trying to rile your favorite uncle up, and he would only react, if he wanted you just as much. what better gift for your birthday, than ultimately having the forbidden fruit you’ve been trying to deny yourself of for so long.

“happy birthday, angel!”, your family exclaimed excitedly as you came downstairs. you quickly scanned the room to see uncle zeke already sitting in his usual spot on an armchair in the corner of the living room, getting up and joining your parents at the bottom of the stairs when he noticed your presence.

knowing that he was there, you finally smiled happily, thanking them softly before being pulled into a tight embrace by zeke. “yeah, happy birthday, angel”, he lowly murmured into your ear as he pressed you firmly against him, goosebumps erupting at his slightly suggestive tone.

“thank you, uncle zuzu”, you whispered back, squeezing him tight, hoping to get the message across that you were more than happy to be in his arms.

alas, you were forced to part as your mother shoved him to the side to embrace you, your dad jokingly complaining about you going for a hug with your favorite first instead of your parents, in the background.

“well, i can’t help that i’m so much cooler to her than you”, zeke retorted playfully, earning him a light-hearted punch to the arm from your father.

the rest of the day felt like an eternity. it’s not that you didn’t enjoy spending time with your parents, especially if zeke was there, but the prospect of getting the blond male to act upon your, hopefully, mutual desires, had you looking at the clock more times than you would like to admit.

“are you waiting for something?”

you quickly snapped out of your daydreams of what could happen later, as the man with the main role in them sat down closely beside you, your thighs brushing against each other. you couldn’t help your gaze lingering where your skin touched before blinking up at him through your lashes, only to see him grinning down at you, clearly amused by your stare. time for the first part of the mission.

“oh yeah, i’ll be going clubbing with a few friends later.”

“clubbing?”, zeke pressed with a frown, “and your parents are letting you?”

zeke has always been very overprotective of you. your dad joked that it’s because you’re basically like his daughter, but you hoped it was more than that. that’s why you were counting on his overprotectiveness to eventually lead you to the desired outcome of the day aka you, stuffed full of his cum.

“mmm, yeah. it’s my 20th birthday uncle zeke, not my 10th, you know. i’m an adult”, you retorted provocatively before getting up. “’m gonna go get ready.”

you could swear you felt his irritated glare burn into your back as you made your way upstairs, grinning at the first bit of your plan succeeding.

the second step, was your appearance. just a week before that, you went shopping for the shortest dress you could find, ready to turn heads, or specifically, one head. shower, hair, makeup, baby pink lace underwear, see-through tights, black dress. you haven’t felt this hot and confident in a while with college forcing you to wear hoodies and sweatpants all day every day. no way in hell were you going to make yourself suffer through endless lectures in cute skirts and dresses.

five minutes before your friends came, one of your essential male friends included, you decided to head downstairs to make sure zeke had enough time to admire how hot you looked.

as you came downstairs, you could hear your dad exclaiming ‘look at my beautiful girl, all grown up’, making zeke turn around. goosebumps erupted as you felt his eyes slowly trail along your figure, your skin tingling where his gaze burned into your exposed skin.

you did a full spin, showing off your outfit to the three people in your living room, but only caring about the opinion of one. to your disappointment, you didn’t quite get the reaction you wanted, with zeke turning back around to your mother, continuing to talk about whatever.

no matter how much you hated it, you couldn’t stop the jealousy crawling up your tightening throat, making you sick with disgust. you knew your mother was just as much as a friend to the man of your desires as your father, but it didn’t stop you from feeling this way. you wanted his eyes on you and not some other woman, even if that woman was your own mother.

as if on cue, the doorbell rang out, your mood immediately lifting at the chance that the third step of your plan finally elicits a much-craved reaction from zeke.

you opened the door, your best friends immediately throwing themselves at you, screaming their congratulations and complimenting your attire. just like you hoped, the boy you’ve been friends with and flirted with since high school, jean kirstein, was the last one to congratulate you. he hugged you tight, leaning down, whispering a low ‘happy birthday, pretty girl. you look good enough to eat’, at the same time as your parents and zeke came into the foyer.

the hug you shared with jean lasted just a tad too long for it to count as appropriate, with you giggling excessively at his comment just to be sure that zeke heard it. and as you parted to say goodbye to your family, your flirty friend kept his strong arm around your waist, as though it belonged there.

you don’t miss the way zeke glared at jean’s arm around you or the way he had the slightest frown on his face as he told you to ‘have fun and be careful’, but when you turned around and left the house to get into jean’s car, disappointment filled you when you realized that the blond male didn’t do anything to keep you from going. all this planning and finger crossing for nothing. ‘happy fucking birthday to me’, you bitterly thought, as you drove off into the night, mood already completely ruined.

after hours of trying to enjoy the end of your birthday even for a bit, you finally had enough. jean took you home, trying to make out with you on the backseat of his car in the parking lot, but as tempting as the idea of letting him fuck zeke yeager out of your mind sounded, you couldn’t bring yourself to. the fact that today was supposed to be the day you got your dad’s best friend right where you wanted him, was enough to make you crave a nice shower and your warm bed. you couldn’t wait for this day to end.

when jean pulled up to your house, you parted ways with a quick kiss and a cheeky promise of tomorrow, before making your way into the house. it was already 3 a.m., so you were sure everybody was already asleep, as you quietly made your way inside.

“there you are. welcome back, pretty girl.”

at hearing zeke’s raspy voice out of nowhere, you flinched and let out an unvoluntary squeak. what was he doing here?

you brought your hand to your heart, feeling it hammer against your chest, your eyes snapping to the spot your dad’s best friend was sitting in, in the kitchen. “uncle zeke! you scared me, what are you still doing here?”

as you made your way into the kitchen, you finally noticed the empty tequila bottle on the table and your unconscious father, snoring on the coach in the living room, just a few feet away.

“mmm, wanted to make sure you come home safely after your dad passed out, so i waited for you”, he casually retorted while his grey eyes inspected you from head to toe. smeared lipstick, a light sheen of sweat on your skin and your dress hiked up dangerously high on your thighs.

feeling small under his calculating gaze, you once again looked at your sleeping dad and gestured towards the bottle. “guess you also had a wild party going on?”

“mh, your dad’s just a lightweight.”

the air inside the kitchen was heavy and suffocating. you knew something was wrong with the way zeke wouldn’t stop staring at you and only answered with short sentences, his usual playful chattiness nowhere to be seen.

trying to get rid of the awkwardness and your nervousness, you asked: “where- uh, where’s mom?”

“asleep”, was the short answer you got, making you even more uneasy than before. “oh, w-well. i’m gonna go and also hit the hay. thanks for staying up for me uncle zeke, good night.”

“stop.”

this one word made you halt in your tracks just as you were about to turn around, making you look questioningly back at him. what you didn’t expect however, was to see zeke yeager spread his thighs and pet one of them with a simple ‘sit down, angel.” somehow, the pet name sounded condescending as it left his lips, but that didn’t stop your pussy from clenching at the sight of him with his legs wide open, looking positively inviting like never before.

your gaze quickly flickered towards the unconscious figure in the armchair, but even that couldn’t stop you when uncle zeke was offering you to sit on his lap, like you dreamed of for so long.

your legs slowly took you towards the spot he was sitting in, only for him to pull you on one of his thighs as soon as you were in his reach. his arm wrapped tightly around your waist, while the other found its place on your thigh, your heartrate skyrocketing at the close proximity.

not really knowing what to do with your hands and where to look, you once again brought your gaze to your dad in the living room, having the perfect view of him from your position on zeke’s lap, your fingers interlocked in your own lap as to not touch him too much.

“how was the party?”, he questioned seemingly nonchalant, but his tone had a certain edge to it, that made you feel as if you were being scolded.

you chuckled nervously, keeping your eyes locked on your unconscious father, as you started uttering: “oh, uh… it was- “

only to have zeke’s palm grab your cheeks, squeezing them together in a pout, as he turned your head towards him, forcing you to focus your gaze on him.

“did you fuck him?”

zeke was watching your expression closely when he practically growled the question, taking note of how your eyes widened, your breath deepened, and your thighs automatically pressed together as the meaning of his imposing words settled in.

the jealousy could practically be grabbed as it rolled off the blond male in waves and you knew, that if you wanted your birthday wish to come true, you had to play the part of the innocent and unsuspecting little girl.

“wha-? no!”, you exclaimed supposedly offended and distraught that he would even ask such a thing, as best as you could with your lips pressed together in a pout by his large palm.

the man’s dark grey – were they always this dark? – eyes narrowed as you seamlessly pretended to not know what he was hinting at, but the way you immodestly battered your eyelashes at him, one hand finding it’s way onto the palm that was squeezing your plush thigh, showed him at you weren’t as oblivious as you feigned to be.

“no, huh?”, he chuckled darkly, his hand leaving your face to push you down onto your knees between his legs instead, “then you’re not against helping your dear uncle with a certain issue, or are you baby?”

stammering out a little confused ‘what?’, you quickly checked whether your dad was still asleep, only for yeager’s palm to return to its place on your cheeks, squeezing them once again as he yanked your head back towards him. “don’t act like a brainless, useless slut, angel. it really doesn’t suit you. you’re my smart little girl, aren’t you?”

the sickly-sweet tone he used worked like a charm on your praise-starved brain. you wanted to please him and be his good girl, no matter what it took.

looking up at him with big, wide eyes, a drop of drool fell from your pouty lips onto his jean-clad crotch when he tightened his hold on your cheeks as you nodded like an obedient little toy, making him smile proudly.

“that’s my girl. now,”, he declared, unbothered by the tiny wetness seeping into his pants, his veiny hands made quick work of his belt and zipper, “show me how much you want to help your uncle zeke.”

just the sight of him whipping out his hard cock out of the confinements of his jeans and boxers, was enough to make a small pool of wetness gush out of your cunt, not that it mattered anyway. your lacy panties were already long soaked just from sitting on his lap.

zeke’s cock was longer and definitely thicker than you could’ve ever imagined, bigger than any you’ve ever taken with a prominent vein running on the underside, the tip flushed in a pretty pink. the saliva collecting in your mouth at the prospect of having him down your throat soon made you swallow hard, while you waited for his next instructions, not wanting to disappoint him by acting impulsively.

seeing his best friends’ daughter so submissive and eager-to-please on her knees between his legs as said best friend laid, passed out, just a few feet away, made zeke’s cock twitch. he knew it was sick and wrong, but he has always been a weak man when it came to you.

“go ahead, sweetheart. make uncle zeke feel good.”

at his permission to go, you nearly lunched forward, your pretty lips coated in sticky lipgloss instantly wrapping around the sensitive tip of his dick, making him groan deeply somewhere in the back of his throat.

you alternated between swirling your tongue around his cockhead and slowly sucking, as zeke put a cigarette between his lips, lightning it. normally, you hated the foul smell of nicotine and complained numerous times about how much you hated smokers but… the sight of it dangling between his thick fingers, as his other hand lost itself inside your hair, guiding your head to bob up and down on his length, awakened something deep in you, that you didn’t even know existed.

it didn’t help that while every other person reeking of smoke repulsed you, the same scent clinging to zeke brought you a sense of comfort. the fact that he also looked hot as fuck doing it, certainly didn’t hurt.

above you, the tall man made sure to let his eyes wander to your father from time to time, mostly keeping them locked on your lewd expression and your full lips wrapped around his cock though. he knew that the man a few feet away was a heavy sleeper, especially when drunk, so he wasn’t afraid of letting you know just how pleased he was with you.

“that’s a good girl. doing so good for me, want me to cum down your throat, sweetheart?”

you mumbled a small ‘please’ around his cock, causing him to groan huskily as your vocal cords vibrated against his sensitive tip. knowing he was almost there, you hallowed your cheeks and tightened your throat, wanting him to lose himself in the inviting warmth of your mouth.

as soon as zeke felt himself teetering at the edge, he couldn’t stop himself from quickly putting out the cig in his hand and holding your head still with his large palms as he started frantically thrusting up in your mouth. having zeke use you to chase his own high made you clench around nothing as you gagged around his length, doing your best to try and keep your jaw slack just so you could hear the man praising you again.

at the feeling of you choking on his cock, zeke’s head fell back as he moaned hoarsely, the sound going straight to the fire in the pit of your stomach already forming just from sucking him off and hearing his erotic grunts.

on the next thrust inside your warm, wet mouth, zeke emptied himself in the back of your throat with a low growl of ‘good fucking girl’, making you whine around his dick. the blond pulled you off as you started coughing, instructing you to ‘swallow, angel.’ being the whipped, little toy you did as you were told, looking up at him as you licked the remaining cum of your spit covered lips.

zeke smirked at your sensual display, whilst he stood up, pulling you up to your feet, only to push you against the dinner table and impatiently smash his lips against yours.

you had half the mind to think about how he didn’t even seem to care that his sticky cum still lingered in your mouth as he kissed you before your brain completely shut down because you were making out with zeke yeager.

strong palms wandered up your thighs under your short dress, cupping your ass while the flimsy fabric rode up as a consequence of his wandering hands. the display of strength as he easily lifted you up on the hard surface behind you, made your head spin. everything this man was doing had you weak in the knees and if you weren’t already seated, you were convinced your legs would’ve given out underneath you.

as yeager made room for himself between your thighs, spreading them in the process, your arms found their place around his broad shoulders, pulling him down even closer towards you as you tasted the whiskey and smoke on his slightly chapped lips. you could hear his soft chuckle at the displeased whimper you let out when he removed himself from you, before tracing his thumb faintly over your clothed clit. just that slightest contact with your puffy bundle of nerves had your hips twitching up, your face heating up at the obvious display of his effect on you.

“aww, is my slutty little baby desperate for her favorite uncle?”, he asked in mock empathy, ripping your tights like it was nothing, before his eyes soaked up the sight of your baby pink lace panties completely ruined by your slick.

“i see you were ready for something to happen today. were you hoping the little boy from earlier would fuck you?”, he almost snarled the question, before adding: “or were you hoping for me, bunny? are these pretty panties just for me?”

as your core gushed out more of your juices at the pet name, you obediently shook your head at his accusation of you dressing up for jean, mewling out: “y-you, daddy. only you.”

zeke closed his eyes to compose himself when his cock twitched alive once again at the sweet melody of you calling him daddy. he knew this was the point of no return. he could’ve stopped this before, he was sure of that, but not anymore. not when you oh so sweetly called out for your daddy to take care of you.

in one swift motion, your panties were gone and thrown into a dark corner of the kitchen, the only light illuminating the space coming from the turned-on lamp in the foyer from when you came home. forcing you to recline back as zeke lifted your legs up on his muscular shoulders, you shuddered as his hot breath hit your drenched pussy.

after just one kitten lick to your core, you heard zeke’s pleased hum, mumbling something along the lines of ‘just as sweet as you, bunny’, but you couldn’t tell for sure because the very next second he was diving tongue first into you, sucking, licking, and slurping like it’s his last meal. the moan that left you at his intense ministrations was downright pornographic and you could only clench around nothing as his large palm came up to silence you.

“as much as i’d love to listen to your cries, sweet thing, gonna wake your parents up if you keep at it”, he muttered against your sensitive clit, the vibrations only making you mewl against his hand.

your hands tried to find purchase somewhere, the hard surface of the table, your plush thighs, before your nails finally got a grasp of his blond locks, using the leverage as an advantage to push his face even further into your slick cunt.

the obscene, wet sounds that echoed in the room were making your face heat up, but the embarrassment didn’t stop you from grinding desperately against his tongue, his thick beard rubbing painfully but oh so deliciously against the delicate skin of your inner thighs.

when you felt two of his thick fingers probe at your entrance before pushing in, instantly hitting that one spot inside you, you threw your head back as your eyes rolled into the back of your head, thighs trembling against his head as you reached your peak around his digits. your back arched off the wooden table, thighs snugly pressing against the sides of his head, almost suffocating him in the process, while you moaned a long, high-pitched ‘daddy’ against his palm.

zeke yeager could proudly say that he’s had his fair share of women, but the sight of you, succumbing to the pleasure he was providing you with, was by far the most erotic he had the privilege of witnessing. the mix of your cross-eyed expression, your sloppy cunt clenching impossibly around his thick fingers and your body twitching from the aftershocks of your orgasm, only fueled his desire to see you go dumb on his fat cock.

a hard slap against the fat of your right thigh caused you to squeal, your legs sliding down from his shoulders, completely limp from all the spent energy. zeke leaned down, once again capturing your lips in a heated make out. his warm tongue still had the distinct taste of your release on it as it slipped between your lips, his full beard soaked in your juices scratching against your cheeks and chin, but you certainly didn’t mind as long as you could have him between your legs, mouths interlocked.

“wanna see your cute lil’ ass while i wreck you, bunny. can you turn around for daddy?”, he questioned, voice raspy, but he didn’t actually wait for an answer, grabbing your hips in a bruising grip and flipping you over on your stomach, ass pressed up against his crotch already. not being able to control yourself at another clear display that his muscles weren’t just for show, your hips automatically grinded back against his painfully hard cock.

another strong blow was delivered, this time to your bouncy behind, your small mewl echoing in the large space. “slutty, desperate whores aren’t appreciated here, bunny. thought you were daddy’s good, little girl? guess daddy was wrong about you”, zeke sighed in faux disappointment, knowing you would do anything for him to keep praising you.

“n-no! am your good, little girl! ‘m sorry, daddy, please don’t leave”, you practically sobbed out, to drunk on his touch to realize the manipulative undertone in his phrasing.

smirking victoriously, the blond tenderly smoothed his huge palm, with his fingers covered in your already dried up essences, over your ass check, his fat tip nudging against your soaked entrance, whilst he shh-ed you, promising that he’s ‘not gonna leave you bunny, ‘m all yours.’

at the promise of him belonging to you, your eyes rolled into the back of your head, just as yeager decided to push his aching dick into your tight pussy. at the first bump against your gummy walls, you both knew no one would ever be able to compare. it was a tight fit as he continued to push past the resistance of your cunt, hissing at the continuous contractions around his sensitive cock. no way in hell, he thought to himself as he already had to hold himself back from cumming as if he were some virgin all over again.

when he finally bottomed out, his patience was close to non-existent, so without waiting for you to adjust, he started thrusting in you like a mad man. your hands flew out to grab the other edge of the wooden surface to have some kind of support, as his powerful thrusts made the whole table shake and drag across the tiled floor.

“’s too much, daddy! slow down!”, you wailed, knowing full well that this was exactly what you waited for all this time. the dark chuckle that left his panting and grunting mouth told you that he was also very aware of the fact that you didn’t actually want him to slow down, so the only reaction you got, besides his acknowledging chuckle, were his thrusts picking up in speed.

after another strong hit to your jiggling ass and a groan that sounded suspiciously like ‘such a perfect ass’, zeke leaned over you, completely covering you with his large frame. his hand found its way to your front, giving your tits a quick squeeze through your dress, before continuing its journey up, finally settling around your neck.

as it constricted around your neck, thick fingers expertly pressing against the pressure points, restricting the air flow oh so deliciously, your spit-covered lips fell open in a silent ‘o’, the act lurching you impossibly closer to your orgasm. at this point, the only coherent words you were able to formulate were ‘yes’, ‘daddy’ and ‘please’, causing the tall man’s chest to fill with pride at your dumbed out state.

“my cute, submissive, little bunny. have i fucked you stupid with my cock?”, he teased, only to get his confirmation by the lack of response on your side, too far gone to process that he asked a question.

the rhythmic clenching of your warm core reminded him that his dick was practically begging him to let it stuff you full of his sticky cum, so as his grip on your throat and hip tightened even more, he let his carnal desires take over as he rutted impossibly faster inside you.

every thrust caused his fat tip to poke harshly against your cervix, the feeling of pain only fueling your pleasure, as you silently took all your favorite uncle was giving you. somewhere in the back of your mind the thought of your father sleeping just in the next room flew around, but it quickly got fucked back out by zeke’s fat cock.

at the next rough plunge inside your warm walls and the low growl of ‘cum on daddy’s fucking cock, bunny’ directly beside your ear, you came undone with a loud moan of his name. you were pretty sure the force of your orgasm made you blackout for a second, because the next time you came to your senses, zeke was shooting his load inside your inviting cunt directly at your cervix, your name leaving his lips like a prayer.

you were exhausted. your whole body shook and twitched, your stomach hurt from being pressed against the edge of the dinner table for so long, sweat dripping down on the surface from your face and neck.

suddenly the room was way too quiet, safe for the heavy breathing and your occasional whimpers. slowly, zeke pulled out, only to spread your cheeks apart to take a good luck at your abused pussy pushing out his white cum. it slowly trickled down your legs, mixing with your leaked juices on the tiles beneath your feet.

not having the energy to move, you let the blond male pull down your dress back over your ass, listening to the rustle of fabric and belt clicking as he got dressed again. just as he gently helped you stand-up again, you could hear a yawn coming from the doorway that led to the living room.

“what’re you both doing?”, your half-awake father asked as he made his way through the kitchen past you to get to the foyer. your nails dug into zeke’s muscular forearms as the panic of getting caught formed in the pit of your stomach, only to hear the older man murmur a casual, seemingly sleepy ‘she just got home, gonna go sleep now’, as though he wasn’t blowing out your back just a few minutes prior.

with an unsuspecting ‘’aight, night you two’, your dad disappeared in the shared bedroom with your sleeping mother.

“fuck”, you breathed out, stressed at almost being caught and your legs buckling, only for zeke’s strong arms to hold you up right.

“hey, look at me, angel”, the male softly demanded, gaze tender as your eyes met his. “i’ll bring you to bed and clean up here, okay? don’t worry about a thing.”

a sleepy, but happy smile stretched itself across your lips at him caring for you so deeply.

“open your mouth, sweetheart.”

without second-guessing the request, you obediently opened your mouth, only to feel his saliva hit your outstretched tongue. the taste made you mewl needily as you realized what it all meant. you were his and he was yours.

zeke chuckled, amused by your blissed out expression, before pecking your lips, picking you up and caring you to your room with you mumbling a satisfied ‘best birthday ever’ against his neck.

2K notes · View notes

dylanobrienisbatman · 3 years

Note

comparing everlark and malina you are going to make my cry. they are both so good and it totally explains my idea to rewatch thg movies shortly after finishing tgt books (i haven’t done that yet though). i always thought they were similar but so many people compare malina to everthorne and it chips away at my soul. anyway, just wanted to say i love the malina/mal posting you’ve got going on. i am very comfortable with the energy you’ve created in the studio. <3

AUGH thank you!!!! I’m glad the energy I’m putting out is a good vibe! And now I’m gonna rant because you gave me an inch and I’m taking the mile here.

BOOKS SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

When it comes to the everlark/everthorn/malina question, i think it’s yet another example of people misunderstanding Mal and Malina and what Leigh was trying to do with the story. In THG, peeta represents peace and safety and a comfortable “boring” life, whereas Gale represents war and fighting, and forever being in a space of conflict. The “choice” for Katniss isn’t about them as men, it’s about what they’re supposed to symbolise. As with all well done YA books, the message of the story in total is supposed to be reflected in the “choice” of romantic partners. The heroine will end up with the person who best fits with the overarching themes of the story, because in the end she will choose the path that best fits with those themes. THG did it extremely well, and I think TGT did too, but people seem to lack the ability to actually understand what it means.

In TGT, Alina has three “choices” in both her life, and in the men who are presented as options. The Sun Summoner, Sankta Alina, or just Alina. The Darkling, Nikolai, or Mal. As usual, the romantic plot is meant to mirror and help solidify the thematic choices the heroine has to make. Each man represents a different path for Alina, and a different outcome in the story.

The darkling is a path of darkness and power and a corruption of the self. Throughout the story it’s made extremely clear that he is and always has been a monster, and in the narrative he represents the main overarching theme of the books: absolute power corrupts absolutely. That’s why Alina can never be with him, because choosing power over everything else takes away her humanity. He represents Alina giving up on humanity in pursuit of her own power. He also represents control, over and her and her gifts. He wants to claim her power for himself, so to choose him would be to choose to give up her agency.

Nikolai represents another kind of power, and I think he’s less of a real thematically driven romantic option. She never really considers him as an actual romantic choice, which makes sense because Alina never wanted what he represents, which is political power and fame and glory. His offer to marry her makes that very clear. He doesn’t love Alina, he wants to be married to Sankta Alina, so he can claim that name and the political influence it holds for himself. He is another man who wants to claim her, and even tho he more wants to claim what she represents, it still shows that he values what she can give him rather than Alina herself. Alina choosing him would be choosing to live a life as a false “saint”, which we see clearly throughout the story that she’s not interested in, as well as once again giving up her agency and allowing herself to be used. She doesnt like being paraded around or made to put on a show. She doesn’t want what Nikolai represents, even before he shows up, which is why he’s never truly an option to her, in the romantic sense.

And then there’s Mal. Mal represents humanity and peace, and exists to ground Alina, and Mal is continuously the only one of the men who values Alina herself, rather than what she can do or what she represents. There’s a reason she always thinks of him at the Little Palace and why he always shows up in moments where the Darkling is starting to corrupt her or when Nikolai is being too much of a smooth talker. He steps in to remind Alina that power and influence mean nothing if she looses sight of who she is on the inside. Mal exists to keep the narrative themes of the story in Alina’s head. He is there to show her, and the audience, when she’s letting things go to far, or when she’s starting to become someone she’s not. I think it makes him unpopular because people think he’s trying to limit her, but he’s not. He’s trying to keep her from becoming someone she can’t come back from. He’s trying to keep her human. He represents home and peace and safety for her, but he is also her guide star. He keeps her on the path to becoming a hero, and in dying for her shows that he was the only one truly willing to allow her to achieve her own destiny, no matter the cost to himself.

Mals sacrifice is another way he mirrors the themes of the story. Alina must achieve a power too great to hold in order to defeat the darkling and banish the fold, and in so doing she must then loose that power. To save the world, Alina must sacrifice her power as the sun summoner. And Mal’s sacrifice mirrors that. For the world to be saved and evil to be defeated, Alina must give up the man she loves. He symbolises her putting the world above herself, which is then mirrored by her power being given to the world. But in the end, it’s not this wonderful life affirming moment. To lose something dear to you can be traumatising and horrific, and just because it was for the greater good doesn’t make it any awful for her. To be forced to kill Mal is HORRIBLE for Alina, but because she is the hero of the story, and because Mal has helped to remind her time and time again that she must choose humanity over herself and her own power, she does it. And in doing so, she then looses her power and

I think that’s why Malina and Everlark have the same vibes, because in the end Mal and Peeta are both the character in the plot that helps to ground the heroine and remind her of the thematic intent of the story. That peace is what we should strive for. That humanity and kindness should always prevail. That sacrifice for the betterment of the world can be noble, but it’s still devastating and traumatic. That love should be a soothing balm on your pain and troubles, and home should be where you’re safest, and where you’re most yourself.

#malina #shadow and bone spoilers #everlark #mal oretsev #alina starkov #shadow and bone #the grisha trilogy #the hunger games #nikolai lantsov #the darkling #peeta mellark #katniss everdeen #they’re so wonderfully paralleled i love it

60 notes · View notes

thedeviljudges · 3 years

Text

For today’s ‘i really, really love kang yohan’ post, we’re gonna be develing into a little bit of emotional intelligence and the fact that Yohan both possesses it while simultaneously doesn’t, lmao.

Yohan is portrayed as a hunter and a shark. He’s said this himself in his own words. He’s read up on dynamics of humans and instincts and basis himself off of a monster for a couple of different reasons, but the main one being the fact that people believed him to be as such instead of coming down to his level as a child to understand him.

This by far, means Yohan was emotionally neglected (physically too, but that’s, in some ways, addressed in my other meta post) by parental figures in his life except for the nanny, possibly, on occasion, and isaac - but even then, we know it must’ve only been to a certain extent. On top of that, yohan’s only true witness to emotions is through those people in the house, and needless to say, one of them was off the walls abusive.

It’s why we get scenes like the choking one because when Yohan is angry, guess how he’s learned to express that? It’s physical, but it ties in emotionally. Yohan lashes out the only way he knows how, but this is also an indicator that he’s lied about being a monster. Why? Because people with extreme reactions to emotionally charged questions (like your associate judge accusing you of killing your brother, for example) can often mean that it’s more than just a sensitive topic; it actually matters to that person. At this point, gaon does not know isaac’s story, but we later learn yohan’s version of the fire, and it’s slowly revealed through Elijah, specifically, just how much family is a tough topic for Yohan.

And fortunately, gaon sees right through yohan’s bullshit when he calls him out about how he should be a victim, not a monster. Which opens up the door to us understanding why Yohan does what he does and says what he says even more because it’s revealed through that conversation that these are specific words Yohan has heard before. So not only has he been emotionally stunted as a child by way of abuse, he’s had so many people in his life look at him as a callous monster. And when that happens, don’t you start to believe it? Don’t you lose a little bit of your humanity and become the very thing people say you are?

However, this is also yohan’s strength in the world he lives in, especially with the intent to seek revenge for Isaac. He can put his emotions aside and think clearly, even in situations that should rile him up. You can actually see him get… amused when someone tries to put him in a corner. Yohan doesn’t rely on emotions because it’s logic, rational and strategy that gets him every single checkmate. It’s what’s got him to the point he’s at now. It’s how he’s able to push gaon into seeing reason because if you look at things from the perspective of philosophy and science (by way of human nature), it becomes easier to see a path and a plan so very clearly to whatever outcome you’re wanting.

The issue that comes into play circles back around with family. Because Yohan did not grow up in a healthy environment, he doesn’t know what family actually means and what dynamic it should look like. The past several years he’s spent with Elijah, he’s lived it logically because it means keeping her safe without taking into consideration the fact that Elijah is not like himself and did not grow up in the same environment he did. Only, Yohan also has a habit of not telling anyone his plans, and that’s where the miscommunication starts. How is Elijah to know why Yohan keeps her away from the world? It’s revealed she’s been kidnapped twice, but does Elijah truly understand yohan’s perspective? No, she’s a teenager, and gaon was right about it not being fair to keep her locked away.

But I digress. Here you have a man with a plan with repressed emotions and then enter one kim gaon, and he’s asked for trouble. One of the reasons Yohan, I believe, has kept gaon around is because he defies the typical. He challenges Yohan, not in an act of dominance, but out of another way of thinking, and that’s a big difference. Things might go over gaon’s head, and he’s not always right, but he’s looking at all perspectives, even if they’re wrong. Multiple times Yohan has been surprised by gaon’s way of thinking. That’s intriguing and it’s different.

Which lead to situations where gaon’s confronting Yohan about himself, holding up a mirror and asking him if that’s truly who he is or if it’s someone he’s trying to be, if he’s listening to what other people have told him or if he’s actually listening to himself. Which is kind of ironic with Yohan only being able to trust himself, but he can’t even do that, can he? He lies to himself in order not to face what he truly feels. And that’s because it’s filled with pain, and Yohan doesn’t have time for that.

But there is also a reason why a lot of his progress takes place in his house and away from the world because a home is meant for vulnerability and while Yohan and Elijah haven’t had that in a while, Yohan didn’t take into account gaon’s ability to see things differently. Yohan saw gaon’s mind for his plan and for the overarching plot to oust the rich, but what he did not consider is how that would translate into his personal life. Which is hilarious because Yohan is the one that brought gaon into his home in the first place and ultimately ended up with a surprise of a man who’s clearly moved in because Yohan never tells him he has to leave.

So, that’s where things begin to unravel. Gaon tests Yohan’s patience and emotions in ways he hasn’t been tested. Again, gaon’s held up the mirror and asked him to consider looking deeper for the actual truth instead of the façade Yohan lets himself believe is real. Gaon is also one of the only other people in yohan’s life that has actually considered yohan’s feelings and, in turn, elijah’s. gaon is also a man of righteousness and it makes sense that he’s not afraid to share parts of himself if it means it’s doing something good.

We see this particularly with Elijah, telling her about his parents, not reprimanding her over her murder plot, lmao. gaon grew up in an emotionally healthy, and most likely, happy household where he could express himself without feeling like a burden. He has patience and kindness imbedded into his being.

So with that dynamic of being in a home where people are not on display in front of the world, with gaon’s ability to emotionally connect with people, and finding out the looming secrets of the kang household, it becomes rife with opportunity to peel back those layers and expose them for what they are and talk about it and instead of hiding it away in the shadows. Gaon gives them all space to have those emotions, and while he prods and he asks questions, it’s generally in the form of a gentle reminder that other perspectives exists than the ones that are within those four walls. Gaon doesn’t get angry necessarily, and he apologizes when he’s wrong. His straightforwardness and heart-on-his-sleeve demeanor actually works in his favor, albeit a bit misguided at times.

And with all of this, it’s how Yohan slowly begins to open up. Gaon might be accusatory from his distrust of Yohan, but it’s from a place of curiosity and determination to understand, ultimately, rather than a motive of punishment. I think gaon connecting with Elijah is also the icing on the cake and driving motivator that yohan made a good choice in keeping gaon around because Yohan notices the change in his niece and how much happier she is. Gaon’s directly pointed fingers at Yohan and he’s spied on him, but he’s also confronted Yohan about what he’s done head on without taking justice into his own hands. So with those two things combined (helping elijah and wanting understanding), and even yohan’s determination to get gaon on his side, means that level of trust has slowly, but surely, grown into something much more than Yohan ever thought it could be.

Because again, Yohan did not think about the intricacies of living with other people at home and how well you get to know them by merely existing under the same roof. Gaon learns little things about Yohan and doesn’t use them to his advantage or as a slight – maybe in the beginning with the spying, if we want to give him any credit at all for that. Gaon sees a problem and tries to fix it – just like he sees a problem with the world and with corruption and uses the justice system to fix it.

With all of that understanding and poking and prodding, gaon learns how much Yohan cares for Isaac and for Elijah and validates those emotions while still giving Yohan a slap on the wrist for how he’s expressed that care. He learns of yohan’s abuse and confirmed and supported the idea of being a victim and how that’s okay, that Yohan needs to learn to accept it for himself in order to truly heal. He’s berated Yohan for not showing more kindness to Elijah, the only family he has left and just how important that bond is, after discovering what Elijah means to Yohan.

And that’s given Yohan agency with his own emotions. He’s cried over the memory of his father abusing him and wishing he could’ve stopped it. He’s admitted that he hates when gaon looks at him like he’s a monster, and he definitely hates it when gaon makes assumptions and dives in head first without actually thinking things through. But that is also an advantage of Yohan: understanding someone emotionally because it means that Yohan has learned so much about gaon and the way he thinks that when in episode 9 he tells gaon about how he reminds him of Isaac with his assumptions, it comes from a place of discussion rather than anger. He’s realized the way to get through to gaon is through talking and physically showing gaon how he thinks (the prison reveal). Granted, he’s been doing this with gaon since the beginning, but it’s become even more pertinent now.

The thing is, Yohan has recognized gaon’s kindness at this point. He’s witnessed it in his misguided understanding of the justice system. But what’s truly interesting is that Yohan understands gaon’s kindness, but he still doesn’t understand the world’s. Yohan has a very different perspective of what kindness looks like because it’s not actual kindness but motivation and ulterior motives. Kindness to Yohan is power play – it’s people using others by any means necessary to get a leg up. It’s self-serving for their own benefit and not for others.

Which is also how that first seed of trust is planted with gaon – when he saved the little girl and the bus driver. And how more seeds are trusted by way of gaon doing what gaon does best – provoking Yohan with different thoughts, especially when it comes to family.

But this also applies to yohan’s understanding and hypocrisy when it comes to Elijah and kindness. At this point and by episode 9, Yohan has accepted gaon’s kindness. He’s let it in, lets Elijah indulge in it because he’s noticed that their home is happier – by way of making gaon come back because Elijah missed him. Yohan believes Elijah naïve for trusting others who show her any ounce of kindness, but the thing is, Yohan has come to trust gaon. He’s witnessed the kindness and the understanding, and yet it’s much easier to continue believing that it’s actually a cruel and ugly thing, especially in the wake of Elijah getting hurt, and that’s his default method of coping. Kindness got Elijah hurt and in trouble. It’s what makes you weak.

And if there is one thing we know about Yohan is that he’s anything but weak, but it’s another lie. Kindness did not get Yohan anywhere in life. Kindness got his brother murdered and his family taken away from him.

But the saving grace from that way of thinking? Gaon, yet again, telling Yohan why he’s wrong. Gaon tells Yohan every human needs someone to rely on as long as they’re human, and I think that was certainly a pain point of remembrance in how Yohan had no one but Isaac and then no one after. only this time, a point is made by way of Elijah because she only has Yohan now and she, unlike what Yohan convinces himself he doesn’t need, actually wants to experience human nature – that innate thing kang Yohan has so desperately read about and studied without taking into consideration that the carnal desires of humanity don’t always outweigh the good found within.

And isn’t that just a little bit ironic how someone so capable of understanding the human psyche cannot simply recognize kindness when it’s so freely given? If he weren’t the skeptic and the hypocrite, maybe he’d see what’s right before his eyes, and maybe he’d see just how far he’s come in allowing someone to see parts of himself he’d always been led to believe didn’t matter.

Kang Yohan is a complex character, but he has so much room for growth, and it’s exciting witnessing that in baby steps – and that’s all because he couldn’t tell his doe-eyed associate judge no. sucks for Yohan, I guess; getting himself into a mess he cannot get himself out of, an issue of his own doing and one we very clearly have seen he doesn’t want to rectify, lmao.

also one more thing..... that dinner scene in ep 9 is also a true testament of what can be done with just a little provocation because there you have yohan realizeing what a happy home can look like if he just tries to be more vulnerable and that it actually, in fact, does matter.

#x #*#kang yohan #the devil judge #look who write 2.3k about yohan bc im a dumbass and just spit out thoughts #this is not in order at all this is me rambling like the dumb b that i am #god i love yohan so much wow i hope this makes sense bc yikes #this is what happens when u have a lot of thoughts and there's so many components s #even after all this i know ive missed some but lmaooo here is this #does any of this make sense i hope it makes sense bc i dont feel like it's fleshed out how i wanted it #nor is it in order but uh yeah food for thought yall!!!!!!!!

75 notes · View notes

helenazbmrskai · 3 years

Text

Shush

Wow. I think this is the filthiest and the most messed up shit I’ve ever written in my whole life send me holly water pls (after you enjoyed reading this duh) I don’t know how this idea popped up in my mind one night but yeah don’t come at me.

💊Title ‹ Shush ›

💊Pairing ‹ Jimin x OC (f) ›

💊Genre ‹ adopted brother au, forbidden/unhealthy romance, smut, angst ›

💊Summary ‹ Forbidden fruit always taste the sweetest and when the fruit comes in the form of an innocent boy it’s even sweeter. ›

💊Warnings ‹ emotional manipulation, discussions about an incurable disease, unhealthy relationship dynamics, some fluff, multiple smut scenes filthy so be aware!, mention (and brief description) of sexual fantasies, sub! Jimin, soft domme! OC, teasing, mention of porn watching, brief imagined masturbation, corruption kink, first time, virgin! Jimin, blowjob, handjob, good boy Jiminie, jealous OC, oral (f), fingering, unprotected sex (don't do this be safe!), exhibitionism, marking/biting, almost getting caught, dirty talk, riding, pls keep in mind that this is only fiction! don’t do this folks ›

💊Word count ‹ 6k ›

💊Masterlist

Brushing the snowflakes off my coat’s shoulder, I take a look around the spacious living room soaking in the warmth and waiting for my fingers to defrost, hearing nothing besides the wind that blows outside. Checking the clock on the wall I recall that mom should be still at work at this time around, nothing’s new.

I silently make my way upstairs then halting once I’m in front of Jimin’s bedroom door that has a big J on it. Mom would be upset if she knew I didn’t check on him first thing when I got home so I knocked once then twice before I heard muffled noises from the other side and the shuffle of sheets followed by a loud bang of something hard suddenly hitting the ground. The sound itself quite concerningly rings in your ears.

”Are you alright?” I place my palm on the wooden surface concentrating on the noises that I faintly hear filtering through the door, biting down on my lip as I still didn’t get an answer from him.

”Ok. I’m coming in!” I tell him after a couple of seconds of silence, I gave him enough time to yell out that he’s fine. I’m ready to burst through the door when his voice squeaks out a tiny unconvincing ’I’m good.’ but my hand is already on the doorknob. His body lays slightly off the bed when I enter his room, the bed under him is unmade and his hair is dishevelled sticking to different angles from all the tossing and turning looking soft, wearing only a thin white shirt and pyjama pants to bed. Probably haven’t gotten up from it all day.

”You fell off the bed again?” I chuckle, sending him an amused look spiced with an arched eyebrow – it’s not the first time I see him in this position – shaking my head from side to side, though my eyes reveal that I’m not angry just amused. I grab both his knees and help him to lay flat against the pillows just like he was most likely laying before. His eyes glow like a lightstick with a beaming smile on his face.

”Y/N, you’re home early.” Arching up a brow himself he situates his body to rest his back against the headboard interrogating the cause of my early arrival with a slightly hoarse voice. Jimin looks into a specific direction frequently enough for me to spot his staring. I reply to his statement with a roll of my eyes brushing his hair gently to the side after I checked he indeed has no fever. Giving him the benefit of the doubt that I have no idea he’s trying to hide something I smile back.

I scan through his room hoping to find out by the order of things are placed what he was doing before I got home, it’s easy to spot the differences since I’m the one who usually cleans in here but besides his laptop that sits on the far end of the bed instead of the desk, nothing else seems out of place.

”Why? Were you doing something you shouldn’t be?” I grin, at first the question was intended to be innocent but watching how Jimin’s face contorts into a scandalized look I know he’s up to no good. His expression soon gets replaced with shyness unintentionally a boyish blush spreads across his rosy cheeks. It gets me even more curious.

He gained some weight over the past weeks so his features are almost healthily filled out, the new medication seems to work better than the doctors had anticipated and right now he has minimal symptoms.

Mom must be pleased by the outcome, he regained so much colour to his pale skin too. I witnessed all his ups and lows, I still remember the day I met him. He was in a bad shape, bedridden, so pale and skinny like a skeleton. He couldn’t even sit up on his bed to greet me and when he opened his eyes hearing my mom’s voice calling out to him I came face to face with his teary eyes, hands grabbing his chest to ease the pain that he felt crawling his way up from under his ribcage as a silent tear rolled down his cheeks. He got better when mom decided to take him out of the care system and switched doctors to look after his further treatment.

I regarded him as a responsibility at the beginning of our relationship made sure he took his medication between meals just like my mother instructed. Cleaned his room and made him food when my mother was busy with work. She’s a nurse at the local hospital, she left me alone with him a lot, her job consumes a lot of her time so I had to take care of him almost every day after school even had to take a few days off so I can stay at home when his condition started to get worse and he needed more supervision than usual.

Be that as it may, he had his better days that I started to like so much, spending time with him stopped being an obligation and instead, the time spent together started to be the highlights of my days.

Listening to his angelic laugh, having him listen to me talking about my day. No boy or man ever paid this much genuine attention to me, only him. He has his eyes only on me.

His fierce response makes me come to my senses, dragging me out of my own consuming thoughts.

”Of course not!” He defensively spats my hands away when I try to pinch his cheeks. He looks very pretty when the sun shines on his face. He looks like an angel.

”Oh really? I guess it’s fine then to show me your laptop’s search history. How about right now?” I move faster than he can snatch the device so I’m able to get it and open his tab before he even lets a leg down to plant his feet on the ground.

However, I was not expecting to find something this interesting in his log history. Looking between the screen and his red face I tilt my head to the side seemingly deep in my thoughts. It’s not that I never acknowledged the fact that he’s a man in his mid-twenties and because of his unfortunate susceptibility to having a systemic autoimmune disease he never had the chance to socialise like it’s a norm for most people. The only other’s he meet day by day are my mother and I since he can’t go out because of his photosensitivity.

Maybe I could blame the stars that never flickered out of his naive eyes for the past ten years I’ve known him for not thinking that Jimin could have dirty thoughts. Well, this porn page clearly states otherwise.

I know it’s inappropriate to think about Jimin, my adopted brother, in this way but I can’t find it in me to stop the spiralling thoughts.

Wondering if he masturbates while watching these videos when I’m in school. How he grabs his cock with shaky hands, cute fingers coated in his precum. Wondering if he uses the same hand to hold mine innocently after he did dirty things to himself. I subconsciously rub my thighs together to ease some of the tension that gathered between my thighs, even fantasising about him makes me feel hot.

I feel bad thinking about him inappropriately when he’s sick but I can’t seem to feel the shame when I look directly into his bright eyes now. The rational part of my brain screams that it’s inappropriate even though we are not blood-related.

Heck, not at all as mom adopted him when his last remaining family member, his father died ten years ago.

Jimin’s facial expression is like an open book I read him so well. Poor boy can’t even lie everything he thinks about is apparent on his pretty face.

Afraid that I’ll call him names he lowers his gaze, waiting for me to tell him that I’m disappointed and disgusted by him now that I discovered his dirty little secret that he rubs one out to porn but oh boy he has no idea. That I think about him in a way a sister shouldn’t. That there is nothing wrong with being curious. He has all the right to be. It’s easy to forget he’s older than me when I’m the more experienced one in everything.

”Hey it’s ok,” I get to my previous position, sitting down on the edge of his bed right next to his waistline. I curl a finger under his chin to level his face with mine, showing him a small smile indicating that everything’s gonna be alright.

”I watch porn sometimes too, there’s nothing to be ashamed of here Jiminie. It’s only natural to be curious about it. It’s human nature.” He avoids making eye contact but a tiny nod in my direction shows me that he’s listening.

”If you want I promise I’ll forget that this ever happened. Do you want that honey?” Nudging his pinky with mine I offer him the chance to change the topic to something light.

”You won’t tell mom about it, right?” Nodding my head in agreement I assure him that this piece of information can be our secret and no one has to know that this conversation ever happened. It appears to calm him down gradually as he finally reciprocates my gaze and sighs in relief. What you didn’t expect to hear after that, however, was an explanation of why he started watching porn.

”I want to know how it feels.” Jimin admits shyly, looking around to avoid my eyes as he tells me his hidden thoughts and I find him truly endearing. The previous tense atmosphere seems to completely fade away as Jimin relaxes his muscles against the bedsheet and opens up his heart.

”What? Sex?” I asked, watching his reactions closely as I experimentally place my palm above his right knee. An innocent touch.

Jimin shivers into the contact but other than that nothing remarkably changes in his behaviour or posture. He pays careful attention to not let his feelings show up on his otherwise expressive face. Cute. Sooner or later I’ll know how he really feels about my advances as he can’t keep pretending for long. He was never good at it.

”Yes. They seem to like it so much when I’m watching those videos.” Humming approvingly I rest a manicured nail at the edge of his waistband, this earns a sharp inhale of breath but he doesn’t try to remove my touch that indicates he’s not uncomfortable with me touching him. He doesn’t seem bothered, just a little sheepish.

”You know, a video is nothing compared to the real thing.” I let a single finger slide under his shirt drawing circles into his hipbone eyes watching the way his chest moves up and down a little faster at that.

”What a shame that you don’t know pretty girls to have sex with.” Deciding it’s time to remove my hand I’m letting the limb fall to my side lazily. Jimin’s lips immediately form a pout after I stop making advances on his body, showing me that he was expecting something more. All this time I thought he doesn’t see me like I see him but maybe I was wrong assuming that. Gaining confidence I decide it’s time to push his buttons a little more.

”I’m sure girls would form long lines to get into your pants baby. I wouldn’t be surprised since you are so pretty.” The praise makes his ears bright red, mother did a good job with giving him a boyish undercut a good fashion choice to leave the tips longer so I can easily comb my fingers through it, curling a few strays behind his ears.

”Y-Y/N.” A breathy moan leaves his lips as I kiss the underside of his jaw on impulse, finding stability by grabbing onto his thighs to lean closer and breathe in his clean scent. I push him against the headboard but he doesn’t mind it at all, too lost in the moment, feeling my lips on his throat to register any pain.

I pull away slightly to reconnect our eyes. Jimin licks his dry lips, not having anyone to talk to until I arrived home, he kept his mouth shut only feeling now how dry his throat is all of the sudden.

A ghost of a smile appears in the corner of my mouth as I realise Jimin is watching my lips not even trying to conceal his desire to have another taste of the forbidden fruit. This is so wrong but his lips are so light against mine, afraid that if I apply pressure somehow this moment will end and I don’t want this to ever end but as the saying goes, nothing lasts forever in life.

The magical moment ends when I hear my mother’s voice from downstairs. ”Y/N, Jimin I’m home!”

The cheerful voice of my mother abruptly interrupts our first shared kiss, not letting him chase the taste of my cherry lip balm I place a small peck on his nose instead yelling back that we’re upstairs and we’ll be down in a minute.

”No need to rush,” I peck his forehead this time, giving his face small kisses to lift his mood. It’s comical how disappointed he looks with his nose scrunched up adorably. He really has no shame as he sighs licking his lips to taste the remaining flavour of our kiss.

”We can continue this tomorrow, we have so much time, I promise...”

And continue we do. True to my word I comply with his request pulling the oversized t-shirt over my head to reveal him my black lacy bra and the curve of my waist. His eyes devour the new uncovered flesh hands lingering in the air itching to touch my bare skin but too shy to do it without my permission. He remains frozen in the act. Dreamy eyes watching my reaction to his shy movements silently asking for a sign that it is alright to touch. He’s so curious he wants to hear those noises the couples always make in his videos.

I nod putting him out of his misery cradling his hand in mine to place the warm palm onto my covered breast I guide his movements fondling the flesh, his touch feels good despite the barrier between his skin and mine.

Slipping his hand under the cup his finger comes into contact with my nipple I show him how to circle the bud until it gets erect a small sigh escaping my lips. I had the sudden urge to steal a kiss so I leaned in to grab the back of his neck and crush our lips together no tongue just lips touching sweetly.

I removed his touch to intertwine our fingers placing both of our hands to rest against the bed leaning into his mouth more.

”Is that all that you want me to do?” I murmur the words into his mouth, encouraging him to say more, to do more. Jimin swallows the saliva in his mouth gaze significantly cloudy as he stares into my eyes, shaking his head. He got so far the current thoughts in his head are clearly not about stopping anytime soon.

”What else do you want then?” I press him to answer my question, following the line of his upper lip with my thumb smearing the lip balm that got transferred from my lips to his while kissing, Jimin took a shaky breath before opening his mouth.

”Y-your tongue.” His tongue seemingly came out subconsciously to wet his lips I closed my eyes moaning at the sinful image. He really did his research, I’m about to give him everything he wants if he keeps up with these innocent yet so dirty looks.

”Where do you want it?” I grin moving closer so our thighs are firmly pressed together letting go of his hand to cup his face with both hands. Bending my head to peck the outline of his vein on his neck his pulse quickens under my touch. Pleased to have had such a great effect on him.

”In my mouth.” He squeaks out his response when I bite into his shoulder careful not to really pierce his skin but let him feel a moderate amount of pain mixed with his pleasure. I smooth my tongue where I bit making sure that I don’t leave any marks on his perfect skin. I don’t want our mother to ask questions later.

”Hm,” I hum into his neck satisfied by the answer before lining our faces again to fulfil his wish. ”Open.” As soon as I command his lips part obediently waiting for me to slip my tongue into his awaiting mouth.

”Jimin. Can I touch you?” I sigh into his mouth, he tastes so sweet I can’t seem to get my fill as I discover every corner of his hot cavern licking the roof teasing him before letting our wet muscles touch in a heated battle for dominance. Jimin gets greedy soon as he pushes my tongue back to do the exploration of his own, the kiss turns sloppy and too much saliva. Hands clutching onto the duvet under him grounding his body swimming in euphoria from falling too deep into the feeling.

”Yes, please.” Our eyes open slightly to watch each other my mouth founds the corner of his lips then the side of his cheek and jaw before diving back in parting his lips with my tongue to continue tasting him.

With a feather-light touch, I snake my hands upwards his thin frame and tiny waist feels so fragile under my fingers. I want to pepper his torso with my kisses pushing his body down using his shoulders to see his weight bounce on the bed. But I can’t get so ahead of myself, Jimin deserves to be worshipped like the angel he is.

”Lay down on your back Jiminie.” I smile seeing how obedient he is following my orders without any complaints or questions. He trusts me so much.

The thought alone that he is under me letting me have my ways with him makes my underwear sit uncomfortably against my heat when I move my legs to straddle his hips I feel how drenched I am for him. So pretty and so eager under me as his head rests on the pillows he truly looks like an innocent angel.

I motion for Jimin to raise his arms so I can get rid of his shirt and finally do what I intended to do and kiss his body starting from his collarbones all the way to the line where his pyjama pants hide the delicious lines of his hip bones.

I press kisses of praises into his shoulder blades moving down following the line of his sternum to give attentive licks and pecks all over his stomach feeling his muscles tensing under my lips whines and other sweet sounds slipping out of his parted lips as he breathes heavily through his nose with his eyes closed.

When I let a couple of fingers slide under his pants I realise the lack of material under my touch. He’s not wearing his boxers. The outline of his dick is evident when I look down he’s not that long but where he lacks his grith makes up for it as I can already imagine how good he would feel buried in me stretching my walls so good.

”Do you want me to touch your pretty cock darling?” I don’t forget to ask for permission even though by now I can clearly see how much he wants all this. The sight itself, how his member strains against the concealing fabric is an awfully clear giveaway of his growing desires. Jimin maintains our eye contact with hooded eyes nodding his head fervently before he can confirm his needs with words. His body burns but not with fever.

”I..yes, please. I w-want you to.” Jimin squirms waiting for me to do something that would relieve some of the tension in his joints. His cock feels heavy in my hand ready to sink into my cunt anytime, I can’t wait to put my mouth around it first but I have to be patient. I circle a digit around the tip testing how much precum he has for me.

Holding the digit up to my lips I taste the slightly salty substance humming approvingly. Tugging his pants down I get to work giving a kiss to the tip before coating his member with my saliva so I can lubricate his shaft enough so it won’t hurt him. His whole body shakes when my mouth makes contact with his cock his virgin body overwhelmed with the new sensation the little pleasure already too much for him to handle.

I make a mental note about grabbing some lube on my way home tomorrow so I can be prepared for situations like this. My lips suddenly widen into a Cheshire grin as I deliver the last lick all the way up to the hilt replacing my mouth with my hand.

”Jiminie look here for a little.” I coax him to open his eyes again with a sweet voice. ”Like that darling.” I praise him when his eyes met mine, choosing the moment his gaze connects with mine to use the same hand that pleasured him to glide under my jeans and underwear mixing my arousal with his precum I moan for the show as I rub my clit before collecting my essence so I can use it on his dick giving him the needed extra lubricant.

Jimin’s eyes don’t stay open for long when I finally touch him properly with the intent of making him cum. He can’t seem to keep his moans and throaty whines to himself as I give him a confident grip increasing the speed of my wrist when his whines became more high pitched his body gives away all the signs when he shakes under my touch that he’s close embarrassingly fast but I don’t mind, it’s his first time after all. We can always work on his stamina later.

”Relax baby and just enjoy this.” I encourage him to let go, massaging his thighs with my free hand to relax his strained muscles, slowing down my strokes but give special treatment to the tip collecting the forming precum. ”There’s no need for you to hold back.” I peck his hip picking up my pace again for a few moments longer before taking him into my mouth waiting for him to cum swirling my tongue over the tip repeatedly.

”Y-Y/N.” My name comes out in moans like a broken record when he finally lets all the tension seep away from his body letting the building pleasure force him into submission as he cums into my mouth his body goes limp when the pleasure fades away after I let him ride out his high with gentle licks.

I place the duvet over his sleepy form after I help him back into his clothes, tucking him in as I kiss his cheek to say ’sleep tight’ with the gesture.

I toss the food around on my plate in front of me tentatively listening to the conversation held between my parent and her guest but not engaging, sinking my fork into the broccoli angrily as I hear Natalie’s sugar-coated voice destined for only Jimin’s ears to catch.

She leeched herself onto him as soon as she stepped into this house annoying me with saying stuff like ’you have such a nice brother’ just to emphasise my relation to him. Even my mom takes her side saying that they look cute together.

I know she wants Jimin to socialise, that’s why this dinner is purposefully held in the first place but I can’t seem to show a different emotion than disgust when I look at Natalie trying to woo my Jimin. She will never know how he sounds when he’s about to blow his load or how he would taste against her tongue because only I can see that side of him no one else, and especially not her.

His ears are red from her constant compliments and I swear I even saw her hand grip his shoulder when she laughed about something my mom said, he shies away from her because he never kept a conversation going on with another girl that wasn’t me or my mom before but that doesn’t mean jealousy doesn’t bubble up in my chest when he doesn’t deny her advances explicitly.

The dinner continues for an awfully long time before I could excuse myself from the table to hide away in my room and peacefully start yelling into my pillow to relieve my pent up frustration throughout this unpleasant meal.

Either Jimin genuinely didn’t have a clue what she was implying or he was aware but fine with it I don’t want to waste any more time and watch her all over him. I continued sulking in my room when I heard a knock on my door grunting a ’yes’ before I resembled smashing my keyboard I suddenly felt the urge to complete that assignment I procrastinated on so I can keep my mind focused on something else.

I avert my gaze from the screen to see who’s my intruder but I refocus on my computer when I see it’s Jimin. I’m not in the mood to talk to him right now since the picture of Natalie all over him is the first image to enter my mind.

”What? Dinner’s over so soon?” I’m careful to use an unaffected tone when I speak up, holding myself back from making eye contact even though I would love to see his face, we haven’t got time all day to talk or cuddle at all since I had to help my mother all evening to prepare for this dinner that was a waste of time anyway.

Jimin stays silent not bothering to answer my question but I still refuse to look at him as I pretend to be absorbed in my work. Even if it’s far from reality when the only thing consuming my thoughts right now is that I want him to tell me no one else is going to touch him only I can make him feel that good. That he wants. No, needs only me.

”A-are you angry? Please don’t be.” I still don’t turn around and looks like it makes him desperate for my attention he thugs at my blouse but I don’t react.

I want him to panic take over his body so he won’t do this to me again. I have to busy my fingers with typing so I don’t move to card my fingers through his locks like I long to do when he lays his head on my lap kneeling on the ground to do so. I don’t push his head away but doesn’t react either.

Half an hour passes in this manner, only my typing is heard in the otherwise silent room Jimin’s head still resting on my thighs hands circling my waist. I’m halfway done with my assignment when I feel Jimin’s nose nudge my centre. I showered after I excused myself from the dinner to blow off some steam and calm down grabbing only a pair of underwear and a shirt to cover my body with.

Jimin placed a kiss on my clothed clit making my body jerk in surprise forcing me with his bold actions to finally look at him our gaze locks as soon as I look down. Jimin folds the sides of my blouse so he can get access to the rest of my underwear following my panty line with his nose.

”Can I make it up to you?” Jimin looks up with innocent eyes that have my stomach twist in excitement but I try not to show him how much he can affect me as well. I’ll still make him pay for his actions.

”So you know you did something wrong.” I scoff but it ends up in a gasp when he licks the front of my underwear without a warning.

I grip his hair to keep him in place holding him close enough so his head still rests on my thighs but not that close to letting him lick my centre again. He’s playing dangerous games right now but I don’t know if I have it in me to be gentle with him.

”You should stop before I can’t guarantee that I won’t lose my control.” I warn him through my gritted teeth, closing my eyes for a moment to focus on my breathing, his eyes grew bigger for a moment before the previous shocked expression morphs into something else.

He can’t reach my cunt from where he’s restrained by my hands so he licks the inner side of my thigh his teeth nibbling on my sensitive skin.

I loosen my grip on his hair smoothing the silky locks out of his eyes but he cleverly uses the gesture to scoot forward and have another taste placing a more confident lick stretching the rubberband side of my panty with his teeth sliding his hands over my stomach that was previously so obediently circling my waist.

”You don’t have to do it.” I remind him, feeling out of breath from his kitten licks over my clothed mound.

”I know.” Jimin replies with a sweet smile adorning his face before he pulls my underwear down my legs slowly, watching with interest as I part my legs so he can have a good look at my glistening core.

”The girls from the videos always like it when the boy does this.” Jimin murmurs under his breath absentmindedly before rubbing my clit with his fingertips his digits dipping lower to catch where most of my arousal gathers a single digit nudging my entrance. I part my legs more so he can get more comfortable between them I let him get familiar with my most intimate part before I pull his hand away with shaky fingers.

”Taste it.” I order for him to pop his fingers into his mouth licking my arousal clean from them and he doesn’t disappoint as he does.

Now that his fingers are coated with his saliva I guide it back to my core. ”Want your finger in me.” I throw my head back when he enters, my walls sucking his finger in his movements are inexperienced and uncoordinated but I let him experiment until he gets the hang of it, and oh when he does. His one finger turns into two soon as he finds the best way to pound into my wet cunt curling the digits just the right way to make me see stars. ”Doing so good Jiminie.” I tell him between heavy pants as the rhythmical hard thrusts of his fingers starts to become too much to handle I feel my insides tighten just like my walls tighten around his fingers getting closer and closer.

I open my eyes to watch him lean down his hair tickling my inner thighs as he nestles between my legs licking at my clit while the movement of his hand never falters, the new stimulus that his visual between my legs and his tongue on my nub adds to the feeling, making me come undone around his fingers.

”Stand up baby.” I motion for him to stand as well, his finger slips out of my hole, with a confused expression plastered on his face but doesn’t question my intentions as he obligates standing on his wobbly feet I let him sit down to where I was before straddling his hips.

”Are you going to let me ride your cock? Make you mine?” I ask him using my sweetest tones before slowly kissing his lips making sure to map out his mouth once more before turning my attention to kiss the expanse of his neck.

”Yes. Fuck yes.” The way how the curse word slipped through his mind without him noticing is endearing, he can always surprise me with something doesn’t matter how much time I dedicate to learning his body and soul, he’ll always have layers to discover. These good days sometimes even weeks when his illness hides its ugly face into the background are so precious that I wish we could always be like this.

I situate my body so I can pull his sweats down I pleasantly discover that he doesn’t wear his underwear when his dick slaps against his stomach. I reach for one of the drawers where I know I placed the lube.

I squeeze some into my hand before wrapping my fingers around his fully hardened shaft smearing the lube over him Jimin whines when he feels the cold liquid hit his hot member moaning once I roll my wrist the way he seems to like so much. Have enough of the foreplay I position him in front of my entrance making eye contact with him before taking him in letting him have the chance of backing out.

Jimin’s thighs shake as I take him in fully he tries muffling his moans by biting down on my shoulder so our guests don’t find out what we are doing in my room. With a smirk on my face, I roll my hips getting the best responses as Jimin tries to hold back his cries tightening his hold on my waist to slow my thrusts down but I don’t listen to him as I start to grind down on him letting his member pull out almost all the way before sinking down enjoying how good he fills me up.

I slow down as a knock is heard at my door Jimin’s eyes widen in fear but I don’t let him move an inch as I silently take my seat with his cock buried between my folds he holds back a moan when I clench around him.

”Mom?” I call out to her, my voice a bit shaky but I was able to mask it away enough that it doesn’t sound suspicious.

”Are you alright? Can I come in?” I hear her worried voice, she probably heard Jimin’s louder cries and she thinks something’s wrong. At this moment I’m really glad that my mom is very dense.

”I’m feeling unwell so I’m going to sleep immediately but you go and have fun with the guests don’t worry.” I offer her my reply as I circle my waist can’t keep still as Jimin’s dick feels heavenly it shouldn’t turn me on as much as it does seeing how pathetically he tries to prevent my mother from hearing his moans but his innocent facade can’t fool me as I feel him twitch inside me as I talk to my mother while he’s balls deep in my cunt. I wonder if he wants us to get caught or that he would like me to fuck him in front of Natalie on our dining table so she can see she never had a chance with him.

”Fine but come and get me if you need anything.” She leaves with these last words without further protests and I thank her while bouncing on Jimin’s lap silencing his cries by kissing him hard.

”What mom would think if she saw you in this situation Jiminie? Fucking me while you pretend to be an angel in front of her. Kissing her cheek with the same lips that were buried between my legs moments prior.” I whisper next to the shell of his ear he lets out embarrassed whines but I can feel him enjoy how I fuck myself using him.

My thighs ache as I increase the pace feeling so close again I guide Jimin’s hand between our bodies to make him rub at my clit he does it messily but it’s enough stimulation as I cum again watching as Jimin’s eyes squeezed shut close to reach his own high.

#jimin smut #bts smut #jimin #park jimin #jimin fanfiction #jimin fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts #bts stepbrother au #bts filthy smut #sub jimin

507 notes · View notes

kaizokuou-ni-naru · 3 years

Text

The Voyage So Far: Paramount War (Part Two)

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

ace’s execution is, in a way, the exception that proves the rule when it comes to one piece’s themes of blood and family. ace is set up to die for the crimes of a father he never knew and never wanted, and he does die here, but in the end he dies for the family he did choose, in the form of luffy, rather than the one he didn’t.

god do i wish we knew more about ms portgas d. rouge. with ace’s storyline pretty much wrapped it looks unlikely that we’re going to be learning more about her than what we got, which in my opinion is an absolute tragedy, because what little we do know about her is amazing and she’s an absolute badass. oda give us more female ds please.

whitebeard’s power is so cool. it might be one of the visually coolest devil fruits we’ve ever seen, in my opinion. he he causes earthquakes and tsunamis while far past his prime; he pulls the sky apart with his bare hands. this whole arc is world-shaking, and whitebeard’s power is perfectly appropriate for it.

doflamingo’s speech on justice and rightness is one of the most well-remembered quotes from this whole saga, and rightly so. i’ve always found it fascinating, myself, because he’s right. he dead-on hits how the one piece world works- the world government and the marines rule the world not because of any inherent actual goodness or justice or right, but because they won a war a very long time ago.

in a way, this reminds me of blackbeard’s line of “people’s dreams never die” from jaya. i like how oda isn’t afraid of letting his villains be right about the themes of the story, sometimes even having better awareness of them than the protagonists.

man, if i had to pick a single favorite spread out of the whole manga, it might be luffy’s marineford entrance. it’s so epic, and so completely unexpected for everyone else there. absolutely nobody was expecting strawhat luffy to drop out of the sky with a posse including two former warlords. it just makes me grin!! so much!!

it also gets followed up by a solid two pages of just people’s reactions, from smoker’s “what the HELL is he doing with CROCODILE” to moria’s immediate incoherent rage, and i just love that the world and cast of one piece is so well-established and built up that we know exactly how all of those people know luffy and why they react the way they do.

going back to what i mentioned in the last post about marineford being luffy’s conflict of interest arc, i’d say it’s also the only time where he isn’t the future king first and foremost. in this arc, before anything else, he’s a little brother.

there are a lot of what-if moments in marineford. moments where you kind of have to ask “what if this specific thing hadn’t happened, had gone differently?” would things have turned out differently? squard’s betrayal is one of them. does this change the outcome? would whitebeard have been able to survive if not for this injury? there’s no way to know. marineford is a lot of little tragedies, and they just pile up and up.

marineford has just so many incredibly striking spreads. all of the momentous moments (and there’s a lot of them, in this arc) are done full justice. this is such an image heavy post just because marineford is such an incredibly visually strong arc.

conqueror’s haki is so cool and i love the way it’s set up and built up throughout this saga, with luffy’s constant inadvertent uses of it, from duval’s bull to marigold and sandersonia to the wolves in impel down, all leading up to this moment.

i’ve heard people complain about conqueror’s as kind of a deus ex machina, but i honestly love it, it’s very cool and honestly i think it just seems to fit luffy as a power. if there was ever gonna be a character who turned willpower into a weapon, it would be monkey d. luffy.

i’m gonna take this chance to talk about garp, because this sequence of panels is heavily implied to be garp’s thoughts just before luffy punches him down, and it hurts. garp is a flawed person who makes some bad choices, and there’s no arguing that, but i think it’s very obvious he really, really cares about his grandsons, even if he never could understand them as people and that they never would have been happy as marines. and that’s just tragic, really.

the moment ace gets freed and the brief span of time where he and luffy can fight together feel so triumphant, and i think it’s one of the reasons the final tragedy of marineford hits so hard and feels so cruel, because luffy succeeds, here. he saves ace. he gives absolutely everything he had and makes it, and saves ace. the ultimate failure isn’t his. there was nothing more he could have done.

the first time i was reading one piece, i hit this page (which is also the last in the volume) and had to put the book away, take the bus downtown, wander around for a few hours, and buy myself some candy and some new books before i started feeling okay again.

the thing about ace’s death, i think, is that it’s a tragedy, but it also feels so completely essential to the story going forwards and luffy’s character growth specifically that it’s really, really hard to imagine one piece without it. there are a lot of (really excellent!) fix-fics out there for marineford, and although those are often really good and their authors super talented, i think it’s really hard for them to ever hit the same way canon does with regards to this.

i always think of this scene specifically in contrast to zoro and mihawk’s fight, back on baratie. zoro and mihawk are both people who believe in honor in battle, true victory or death, and that’s reflected in their fight, in zoro’s refusal to turn and run even in the face of imminent death, and mihawk’s respect for that resolve. whitebeard, too, is an honorable man. he refuses to turn to run, even when facing certain death.

the blackbeard pirates, however, are not.

i do enjoy how, just like roger’s, ace’s execution backfires tremendously on the marines. this was entirely a predictable outcome, too! this exact thing happened twenty years ago! the marines don’t learn. they don’t change. they’re so assured of their own rightness and power that they make stupid mistakes like holding a massive public execution after the last one blew up in their faces.

(this is why they need coby so badly, for the record, and why it’s important that he still decides to become a marine after witnessing their corruption firsthand in shells town. the marines are long overdue for a reformation, one that orients them towards real justice.)

i really, really enjoy crocodile in this saga. mostly because he hasn’t been redeemed at all, he’s still pretty much the exact same kinda awful person he was in alabasta, he’s just on luffy’s side this time, and it lets us see him in a better light, when he gets angry at whitebeard for nearly dying or when he helps luffy and jinbe escape to keep the marines from getting their way. few of one piece’s characters are truly so one-dimensional as they can seem, and i really appreciate that.

i really really love all the interactions between luffy, ace and sabo as kids. they’re so fun and bounce off of each other so well. even though we only see them together for a brief time, they really feel like siblings. (which of course only makes later events hurt so much more.

i’ve always been a little fascinated by the fact that it takes us this long to get luffy’s full backstory. it’s almost a fakeout, because we get part of his backstory in the very first chapter, and we’re kind of led to believe that’s all there is. it’s not until ace’s introduction nearly two hundred chapters in that we’re given any indication there’s more.

but at the same time, it makes sense. marineford is luffy’s focus arc, as arlong park to nami or thriller bark to brook. he hasn’t had a focal arc that’s really about him before this, while all his other crewmates have. it makes sense that this would be when he finally gets his flashback.

i think it’s cool that dragon and the revolutionaries show up at the grey terminal fire, because it’s one of the only looks we’ve gotten so far into what their actual regular operations are like. and, of course, they’re saving people. i really like this about the revolutionaries, that helping people in trouble is basically their modus operandi, when pretty much everyone else in one piece’s world mostly does saving on an incidental basis if at all.

i think a lot about how the last line of sabo’s letter to ace is also both of their last words to the strawhats.

death in one piece always feels much realer and more impactful to me than in most other series, and i think this is part of the reason why: in one piece, we are always shown the mourning. nami at bellemere’s grave, carrot grieving pedro, ace and whitebeard’s funeral.

there are fewer deaths, comparatively, than most other series, but they’re given so much room to echo. we’re still feeling the impacts of ace’s life and death in the most recent chapters of wano. it ties into the theme of inherited will and all the way back to hiriluk’s final speech, of men not being dead so long as they’re remembered.

the picture of luffy at marineford always kind of strikes me. he looks so young and so solemn, and yet much more himself than he did when we last saw him losing his mind on amazon lily. i really like it.

sometimes i just think about the sheer depth of trust and love the strawhats must have in each other to separate for two years, far longer than they were ever together, to solely dedicate themselves to improving for the sake of crew and captain. none of them even hesitate, and none of them ever doubt that the crew will be reformed at the end of it.

after all, luffy keeps his promises.

#the voyage so far #one piece #opmeta #not japanese #arc: marineford #arc: post marineford #long post

258 notes · View notes

wannabemobwife · 3 years

Text

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas - Chapter 14

Chapter 14: You Can Run

Dad!Mob!Tom x Mom!Mob!Reader

-Pairings: Tom Holland x Reader, Rosie Holland x Henry Osterfield

-Warnings: Language, fighting verbally, sadness

-Words: 3.4k

Chapter 14: You Can Run

Words: 3.4K

When Tom was mad, it was hot. His anger sometimes made you weak at the knees but now, he was fuming. There was nothing remotely sexy about Tom abandoning Parker, his only son.

Parker had been working with Angus Wilson, a sworn enemy of the Hollands, in an attempt to hurt Tom. Parker had been taking out Tom’s men, one by one by the order of Wilson. From the beginning there had been an unspoken rivalry between Wilson’s mob and the Hollands.

Wilson always trying to weasel his way into the inner workings of the mob and cause chaos. Nobody never knew he’d take as far as killing someone innocent just to get to Tom.

Tom’s feelings were divided straight down the middle. He was seething with anger from Parker’s reveal but he had never been so fearful in his entire life. For the past fews months, everything only escalated.

Starting with a somewhat threatening note to the death of Charlotte. In the end she was just collateral damage on a one-sided war.

To the planned murders of Tom’s soldiers. People he had chosen to protect him and his family. People he was close to.

To the death of a close friend. Jazz meant a lot to Tom, her being one of his first friends after joining the mob. They came up together among the ranks. Learning the rules one by one.

To orchestrated murder attempts on you and Tom. You multiple times. Seeing you half-dead lying in his arms, changed him. Only thinking about, coming home and having to tell Parker and Rosie you didn’t make it. He wouldn’t allow himself to be put in the position, he couldn’t.

Tom was selfish the day of the helicopter accident. Vowing to follow you, to be with you, if you died and leave everyone else behind. But his mind couldn’t just allow him to forget about Parker and Rosie though. He didn’t want to leave them, but he felt as though he didn’t have a choice.

At the moment he was granted the liberty to be selfish. Being free of the guilt of choosing to leave his kids. As you slowly lost the life inside you, his mind flooded with what if’s. What if he decided to die alongside you? Leaving Parker, Rosie, his family, and even Harrison and Henry distraught. But Tom had never known happiness where you weren’t in his life. You brought light and laughter into his dark and gloomy existence. You were someone he couldn’t live without.

Tom vowed to only to protect you, Parker and Rosie from now on. Torn by all the thoughts that roamed through his head, if Parker deserved any of this. Parker’s very soul has been tainted with blood and death. Exposing him to the mob might have been a mistake, one you will have to live with.

Tom didn’t see an outcome where someone didn’t end up shattered. Broken down by betrayal or loss. Parker had already broken his heart once today and he wouldn’t let him be the reason you or Rosie had lost their lives. Tom was now looking out for himself, you and Rosie. Parker was nothing more than a traitor.

“You can’t kick him out Tom,” you yelled, trying to calm Tom down.

“The hell I can’t,” Tom shouted, greater in volume.

“He is my son and I won’t allow it,” you said, holding your ground.

“Y/N, he has been working against me this entire time. Against us.”

“He stays.”

“He killed half my men. He killed Jazz.”

“So that’s what you’re really upset about your dead mistress.”

“I never slept with her and you know that. Parker can’t stay here, I can’t even at look at him.”

“I say he can. What are you gonna do? Hurt me? Because you didn’t get your way,” you quipped. You knew Tom would never lay a hand on you.

“No, love. I could never. But know this, from this moment on he is no longer my son,” Tom explained. It was up to you to mend the bridge Parker burned.

You walked out of the office, suddenly craving a drink. Something strong and potent to drown yourself in.

In some way, you understood where Tom was coming from. The mob lessons only started about 2 months ago and you realized that Parker was no longer your sweet loving boy.

Parker, as a child, was always carefree. Never desired the mob life. Scared to hurt even the most delicate butterfly. But now, you had lost sight of who your son was. Lying, sneaking out, back stabbing, all these things were something you and Tom never instilled in Parker.

When Parker first turned down the offer to take on the mantle, you were relieved, ecstatic actually. You knew it would crush Tom’s soul but your son would get to live a rather normal life. Tom definitely wouldn’t stand for it and banish Parker the moment he turned on him but at least Parker would be happy living a life on his own. Not living in the shadows, scared of what lurks behind every dark corner. He could find love and happiness, somewhere far away from here.

Hearing about all the horrible acts Parker has committed broke your heart. That night a few months ago, corrupted him. Inviting him to be a part of a table that he was never ready to play at.

“Mom, is dad in his office?” Parker asked timidly.

“Yes, but I don’t think it’s such a good idea you go in there,” you said, trying to comfort Parker.

“He has to talk to me eventually.”

“He will, he just needs time.”

“How long?” Parker asked. Tom refusing to acknowledge killed him.

“I don’t know —“ you said, but was cut off by Tom slamming his office door shut, hard enough to shake the paintings that adorned the walls.

“Dad, I’m sorry. Everything started when Charlotte died.” Parker stammered, trying to explain himself as quickly as possible as Tom came out his office for a brief second to freshen up glass of scotch.

“Not now Parker, I just ran out of scotch,” Tom said, brushing him off. “Dad please. Talk to me. Let me explain,” Parker begged.

“Parker, you put all our lives in danger. Your mom’s, Rosie’s and mine. I think you understand I can’t trust you anymore.”

“Dad, can we just talk?”

“No.” Tom said retiring back into his office. You didn’t see him for the rest of the night, until he finally stumbled his way up the stairs to your guys bedroom.

Having drunk himself silly though the hours. Finishing every bottle found in his office bar cart. Mixing various liquors such as, whiskey, scotch, bourbon, vodka. If it was in the Holland household he drank it dry.

The next day, he repeated the same process. His men would funnel throughout his office, mainly Haz. And Tom would only leave to freshen up his drink or retrieve the meal you had cooked for him. One time when Tom came back, he found Parker waiting for him in his office.

“Parker what are you doing in here?” Tom asked, annoyed to the last person he wanted to see.

“I need to talk to you,” Parker pleaded.

“I’m busy.”

“Doing what? Ignoring me,” Parker quipped.

“No. I’M FIXING THE MESS YOU FUCKING CREATED!” Tom screamed, letting all his frustrations out.

“Good.”

“What?”

“Yell at me. At least you’re acknowledging me. I’m here. Yell at me,” Parker encouraged.

“You’re only here because your mother insisted you be. If it were up to me you’d be long gone. Parker, I’m not ready to talk about this. Please leave,” Tom begged.

He couldn’t face Parker yet. Not until he had a plan to deal with Wilson. Parker had conveniently left out the part of Wilson being dead.

Parker’s standing with Tom only grew worse. Coming from a normal father and son dynamic, morphing into a mentor and student to now pure chaos. Parker had no clue as to where he stood with his dad.

So he came to the person who knew Tom better than he knew himself, you. Parker knocked on your cracked door, finding you laying in bed invested in a book.

“Mom?” Parker murmured with teary eyes, hiding in the shadow of the doorframe. Shielded from the light.

“Parker? Oh baby come here,” you said, as you saw your son fighting back tears. How matter how old he gets he will always be your baby.

“He hates me,” Parker whispered, crying into your shoulder.

“No, your dad loves you,” you reassured.

“No, he doesn’t. He wishes I was dead,” Parker cried.

“Did he say that?” You questioned, a little agitated with Tom.

“No, but I know. Everything that has happened is my fault.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Mom, it was Wilson who caused the helicopter crash. You almost died. How do you not hate me also?” Parker exclaimed. He knew he really screwed up and didn’t know how to fix it.

“Like this. I love you. I’m your mom and I will always love you. I know you didn’t know Wilson was using you. You made a mistake,” you told him.

“Thank you mom, I love you. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I wish dad believed that.”

“I’ll talk to him and you’ll never lose me.” You held Parker in your arms a little longer. Cherishing the moment. It didn’t matter if he old he grew, you were still able to comfort him.

You made your way downstairs to confront your husband. Parker was more of an adult than Tom at that moment. Tom pouted like his toys had been taking away.

“Tom, we need to talk,” you said, coming into the office.

“Now’s not a good time,” Tom asserted, barely acknowledging you.

“When is it ever? You need to talk to Parker.”

“You don’t understand. I can’t be in the same room with him let alone look at him. What makes you think I can talk to him?” Tom explained. “Tom, he’s your son. Please just talk to him, for me. He thinks you hate him.”

“Y/N, I don’t understand why you aren’t mad. He almost got us killed!” Tom shouted, annoyed that you didn’t feel the same way. It was you who fought for your life the most in the helicopter accident.

“Tom, you can’t blame him for that. Wilson would’ve done it with or without him,” you exclaimed.

“I thought you were fucking dead. And that entire time we sat waiting for someone to come. All I could think about was how I encouraged you to go on the business trip. You couldn’t stand to be in the same room with me but, I made you get on that helicopter,” Tom cried, finally allowing the guilt to get to him.

When you came home, he was only focused on getting your memory back. And if he needed to be everyone’s shoulder to cry on, then he would. Not allowing himself to break. “Tom, you didn’t know—“ you tried to say but were cut off.

“You asked for a separate room at the hotel and refused to eat dinner with me. I thought we could make up on the flight back. Because you’d be confined to a space with me. That’s why I switched it to a helicopter ride instead the jet. Cause the view would be pretty. Give you one last nice memory together before you divorce me.” “I would have never, Tom.”

“I thought I was the reason, I almost lost you. The kids almost lost you. I blamed myself.” Tom cried, a few tears falling. “Tommy, I’m here now. I’m okay,” you whispered.

“Yes you are, but are son is actually the reason. And I can’t look at him without knowing he almost took away the most important thing to me. I’m sorry.”

“Tom, he was just a kid, still is. He needs you to tell you love him and forgive him. If I can forgive him, for almost costing me my life, twice. Can you?”

“Yes, darling. If you need me to, I can. Can you just come here for a second first?” Tom questioned, just wanting to forget everything and have you comfort him for a second.

“Yes.” “I just want to hold you,” Tom said, grabbing a hold of you. You always felt sane in Tom’s arms. Finding solace in the darkest of places. The warm embrace last a while as Tom would shift to get a better hold of you. Nuzzling his head in the crook of you neck as you fiddling with his hair and rubbed soothing circles into his back.

You were the only person Tom could be a hundred percent vulnerable with, besides himself. He complete broke in your arms. A few tears fell down his face as he moved to press soft kisses to your forehead.

“Tom, I love you and we will get through this,” you whispered, pressing your forehead against his. “I love you too, darling. I never knew love until I met you,” Tom soothed.

Rosie tried to avoid the family drama as much as possible. She was off in her own little world. Going on supervised dates with Henry around the city of London. Tom required men to be with them at all times. Henry refused it be his dad and Tom needed Haz at the mansion twenty-four seven.

Rosie would try to ditch her security as much as possible. Running from them and tell them she was going to the bathroom when she was going to the alley to make out with Henry.

As she and Henry were coming out a movie. They asked to take the back exit, pretending they were being followed.

“Excuse me miss, but do you mind if we take the employee exit? We think we are being followed by those men over there. Do you see them?” Rosie asked the concessions lady at the theater.

“Not at all. Yes, I see them. Want me to call the police?” She responded.

“No it’s ok. We just need to get home, our car is outside.”

“We lost them. Slow pokes,” Rosie chuckled as they exited to the alley.

“No I don’t feel guilty kissing you in front of them,” Henry muttered breaking away from the kiss.

A black SUV slowly pulled up next to them. It came to screeching halt in front of them and out came two tall, muscular men dressed in all black and one young man, dressed rather dashingly.

“Rosie Holland?” Barked the handsome mystery man.

“Umm… Who’s asking?” Rosie quipped “Someone who really needs to talk to your brother.” “My brother. What did he do know?” Rosie snapped annoyingly. “Oh believe me, something heinous…. Grab her.” Both the men, snuck up behind Rosie and Henry. Knocking them out with a swift knock to the head by the butt of their guns. They stashed Rosie in the backseat and left Henry alone in the alley.

Back at the manor, Tom swallowed his pride and finally approached Parker.

“Hey, Parker. Can I talk to you?” Tom asked. He’d been shutting Parker out this entire time, what would want to make him talk to him.

“Dad, I’m really not in the mood to be yelled at right now. I have made my peace with you, hating me,” Parker explained. “I’m trying to apologize.”

“Oh, sorry. You can continue,” Parker faltered.“I was over reacting, we’ve all

done things we aren’t proud of. I was just mad when I found out you were behind the murders of my men and the helicopter crash. But I realized you couldn’t have known about the crash. You never intended to hurt you mother and I. It’s my fault you went to Wilson,” Tom began. “Actually, I was trying to hurt you,” Parker interjected.

“Well, mission accomplished. Let’s just move on from this,” Tom assured

“Done and done,” Parker said with a tight lipped smile.

“I need a cigar,” Tom said, opening his humidor, pulling out a crisp cuban ,and lightning the end. “Mom, doesn’t like it when you smoke in the house. I specifically remember her saying Tom if you smoke in the house one more god damm time, I’m going to—” Parker mimicked you but was cut off. “Hey. Don’t talk about her like that. We owe our lives to your mother. Okay? What she doesn’t know won’t kill her. Want one?” Tom offered. “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’ve kind of always wanted to share your first cigar with you. First time smoking anything.” “Well it’s not my first,” Parker mumbled, hiding his face. “Don’t ruin the moment.” Tom blurted.

“TOOOOMMMMM!!” You called out, busting into his office.

“Y/N? Honey, what’s wrong?” “They can’t find Rosie. Or Henry. Jared lost them. He just called the house to tell me,” you hyperventilated, talking so fast Tom and Parker could barely understand you.

“Woah baby, slow down. Take a few breaths. In and out, ]” Tom whispered trying to calm you down. Rubbing you back to soothe you. “Now, tell me. What happened?”

“Rosie is missing. Jared can’t find her. She and Henry went to the movies and then they got lost for a little and now they can’t find either of them.” You explained, tears prickling at your eyes.

“What? Haz, get in here!” Tom whisper-yelled, trying not to blast out you ear drums. As he was still holding you.

“What’s up? Oh my god, what’s wrong?” Haz questioned.

“Rosie and Henry are missing. I’m sorry Haz, but I need you to take the car and go around London looking for them. Take Parker with you. I’m going to stay here with Y/N.”

“Ok,” Haz couldn’t barely manage to speak two words. His son’s life was on the line. “Tom, we have find him. I can’t lose him. He’s all I have left.”

“Haz, we will. I promise,” Tom concluded as Haz left without saying another word.

Haz and Parker immediately got in the car and went to the movie theater, the place Rosie and Henry were last seen.

“Rosie? Henry? Enough games, come out!” Haz screamed, growing more worried by the second.

“I’m going to check behind the theater.” Parker informed Haz. He walked through the emergency exit, the same one Rosie and Henry did 30 minutes ago. He opened the door to find Henry unconscious, lying on the cold concrete.

“Oh my god. Hey, hey, hey. Henry get up. Come on Henry. UNCLE HAZ!” Parker yelled. Henry was knocked out cold. Haz and Parker drove him home but Rosie was still nowhere to be found.

Tom was sitting in the living room, still comforting you. You knew Rosie’s disappearance wasn’t a good sign. Rosie missing was exactly like your kidnapping years before. Mobsters only used you as leverage to get to Tom. They never intended on letting you go, their only agenda being to kill you but Tom had other plans.

You and Tom received a video chat message from an unknown number and decided to answer it. In hopes that it would lead you to Rosie.

“Who the hell are you?” Tom spoke first, alerting the mystery man.

“Oh, how rude. Let me introduce myself. I’m Carter Wilson. As in the son of your dearly departed foe, Angus Wilson.” Carter, Angus Wilson’s son, informed Tom of his demands.

“He’s dead?… What do you want?” Tom barked, trying to dwell on the important parts.

“Someone in your family has done something unspeakable and I’m here to return the favor. Tom Holland, give up your son or face the consequences.”

“He’s not going anywhere.”

“Fine, I see you need a little convincing. Oh, Rosie,” Carter said, snapping his fingers to have one of his goons bring over a battered and bruised Rosie. She had duck taped across her face and red puffy eyes most likely from tears.

“You monster. Let her go. What do you want? Money?” Tom pleaded. The very sight of his daughter in such agony made his heart clench.

“You know what I want, more specifically who. The clock is ticking,” Carter concluded, ending the video without a word more.

“This ain’t a fucking rivalry anymore. This is a war,” Tom muttered, he sure as hell wouldn’t let his daughter’s blood be added to the lives lost.

A/n: Sorry, this is definitely a filler chapter. Even my brother said it was his least favorite chapter.

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas Masterlist

Taglist: @thenoddingbunny-blog @dummiesshort @adriannauni @bi-lmg @allthisfortommy @quaksonhehe

#tom holland #tom holland imagines #tom holland series #tom holland fanfic #tom holland mob au #tom holland au #tom holland x reader #tom #mob!tom #mob tom #mob!tom holland #mob!tom holland x reader #mob!tom x mob!reader #mob!tom x reader #dad!mob!tom holland #tom holland fan fiction smut #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fic

52 notes · View notes

the-volume-is-astronomical · 3 years

Text

The Crown, The Sword, and The Gay

Meant To Be Good News

A/N: ... heyyyyy- its been a bit. I got rapped up in exams and i felt like being productive today so u get a chapterrrr and i wrote another one so u have about two chapters guaranteed ill try to be more consistent lol (also long chapter as compensation)

(also let me know if you wanna be added to the taglist!)

First | Previous| Next

words: 2286

summary: Virgil doesn't want to deal with this mess but he was sent to deliver a message so, theres not much he can do

pairings: eventual prinxiety, eventual intrulogical, eventual moceit, Remile

warnings: some potty language (not much), stress, anxiety, negative self talk, food mention, worried for a characters safety

(let me know if there's any other)

They went up the steps in silence.

As they entered through the door, Roman grabbed the basket that was abandoned during the argument. He left it on a table near the entrance, he headed towards the corner with shelves, grabbed a brown book, nothing interesting in the cover, just a plain brown book and headed towards the window seat to read.

Virgil was struggling to decide if he should try to speak or not, he absolutely despised small talk but if he didn't talk he didn't want it to get awkward. He looked over to Roman because if he did decide to talk to the prince, what in the hell would he even talk about?! Virgil saw the royal glance up from his book to look at the small table near all the shelves that had a single red book, it was simple like the one he was holding, it just had a title, yet it caused more intrigue than the other.

When Virgil took a good look at Roman he looked somehow defeated, like he had lost- no, given up on a 100 year long fight. The monarch glanced once more at the table with the red book, this time however, he caught a glimpse of the stormy knight, “ You should sit down, the trip back alone takes a few hours, it's gonna be some time before you get to go back.” Virgil looked up at the prince who had resumed his reading, “Uh… yeah” he took a seat near the desk Roman kept glancing at.

Virgil decided to take a glance at the book. It seemed to be a fictional adventure book...seems interesting. Roman looked at the table again and spotted the tall knight carefully opening the book. “It’s an adventure book. Just a fairytale.” Roman’s voice seemed to startle Virgil as he immediately slammed the book shut.

“Y-yeah sorry, I didn't mean to open it without permission, that was so rude of me and-” Roman stopped him mid rant “It's alright, you can read it. One of my personal favorite books.” The prince smiled at him to show he didn't mind “I’m not much of a reader. I just uh… got curious, I guess?” Virgil didn't seem sure of his answer. “Well, I can give you a small summary! If you’d like me to, of course.” Roman backtracked pretty quickly, snide comments about how excited he got over meaningless things forcing themselves into his head. But Virgil’s “Sure, Why not?” Made him a little less apprehensive.

“Ok! So, the story is focused on this boy named Aaron. He is a poor farm boy living with his family in a village that was overthrown by the guards, they became corrupted and betrayed the royal family and took control for themselves.” Virgil just nodded along.

”They treated the least wealthy of the kingdom the worst, they didn't have money to bribe them with so to them they were useless, it got to the point where they were becoming the robbers, they would never steal from people with money because they were cruel people. Aaron and his father wanted to make a change but his mother didn't want them to, she wanted to play it safe and just gather enough money to leave for a better place.”

Roman rambling about the story not realizing how little of a summary it actually was since he definitely wasn't being concise, “I agree with the mom. Her plan sounds safe and effective.” Virgil didn't really mind, at least he wasn't going to be bored while he waited, “Maybe so! But where's the fun in that, dear knight?” Roman didn't really get the knights perspective “May not be fun but at least they'll get outta there without a problem” Virgil thought he was in the right and that the main character would make stupid reckless decisions for the drama and suspense.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Aha! They went back to the mom’s plan anyway! There was literally no need to try and do all that heroic shit.” Virgil was now fully invested in the story, he probably wouldn't have been if Roman wasn’t such a good storyteller.

“Well yeah... But it was worth it! If they didn't try they would have never known the outcome of that situation.” Roman was happy the knight seemed invested, he was mostly happy because he finally got to discuss the book with someone, and that someone had very different opinions than himself.

There was a knock on the door.

They both looked at each other, It didn't feel like they had been talking for that long. So, who in the hell was at the door?

Virgil stood up, hand fidgeting with the hilt of his sword. Roman stood as well, they both walked towards the door. Virgil opened the door, only to find Ruth on the other end of the door. “Oh, it's the lady from earlier.” Virgil turned to Roman as he let her in.

“Nurse, how did you get back so quickly?” Roman spoke up. “I wouldn't say it was that quick, it's been a few hours. But we found someone along the way so that did speed up the process.” Ruth talked as she noticed the untouched basket and started nearing it.

Roman and Virgil on the other hand looked at each other with confusion. It didn't feel like they had been talking for more than half an hour. “I'm sorry, I must have been talking your ear off.” The royal felt a need to apologize, “Hey, at least you made the wait entertaining.” the knight did not deem it necessary.

Ruth turned and glared at Roman. “So, you haven't eaten?” Roman glanced at the untouched basket and cursed under his breath, he completely forgot. “ Well…” Ruth was not having it “You brat.” She walked behind him and started pushing him towards the table.

“I had an excuse!” Ruth stopped pushing him “And what is it?” Roman turned to meet her eye and said, “I get nauseous when I eat too early.” Ruth looked unimpressed “I'm fully aware Roman. But it's almost noon.” Roman’s brain scrambled for another excuse “I was reading and I lost track of time.” She was still very much unimpressed. “As long as it wasn't the book you always read, fine by me”

As Roman’s nurse made sure Roman ate she noticed Virgil standing a few feet behind them. “I wasn't able to introduce myself earlier. I am Ruth, the brat’s nurse.” She extended her hand with a smile. Virgil shook her hand while he chuckled, which was interrupted by Roman’s overdramatic offended noises. “Nurse! You’re making him think I'll be a nightmare to care for!”

Ruth turned to him “Was I supposed to lie to him and tell him you’re a delight? My apologies, sire” Roman put a hand on his chest and gasped. “Now I understand why Trent called you a witch!” Ruth laughed, “You’re just basically proving my point.” Roman could only grumble and go back to eating.

Ruth took a look around the tower and spotted the red book on a table. “I see you've decided to become a liar huh?” Roman turned to her “Whatever do you mean?” She walked towards the table and picked up the book “Seems like someone was reading the same book they always read, I don't understand why they read it if they've memorized the whole book!” Roman knew Ruth was only joking but he didn't appreciate being called a liar “I wasn't reading it this time it was just out in the open! You can ask him!”

Roman pointed at Virgil, Ruth just looked at Virgil expecting an answer, “He wasn't reading that book, he was reading the one by the window” it wasn't a lie. “You better not be covering for that devil.” Virgil noticed there wasn't any malice behind her voice, her words portrayed something different. “Are you accusing me of being a liar? I thought that was reserved for the prince.” Ruth started laughing “Hey! You’re supposed to be on my side!” Virgil just chuckled.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roman’s nurse sat next to the window, looking out worriedly. Roman knew his nurse fairly well, “Has Remy not gotten back yet?” Ruth sighed and turned “My son and his tardiness again”.

Roman went over to his nurse, giving her a hug “I’m sure he’s just a little late..” Ruth tried to smile at Roman “I know Roman. I'm just a worried old hag.” Roman rolled his eyes and sat by the window

Ruth looked out the window one last time and took a deep breath. “Well I have to get going so we get there some time before sunrise” Roman stood up to say a proper goodbye to his nurse. “See you in a few days…” Roman really didn’t want to let go but he didn't have much of a choice.

Ruth started packing what she had brought in silence, once she neared the door she spoke “Roman, his and her majesty will have to be informed about this incident..” Roman was obviously not content because this would surely somehow be put partially on him. “Yes, I understand.” Ruth smiled sympathetically and turned to the storm eyed knight only a few feet away.

“Virgil, you’ll have to stay with Roman for a while longer. Commander Arlott sure didn't expect the need to find a replacement for Trent and truly not a day after being stationed here.” Virgil just nodded, he understood the circumstances and was glad to be able to witness such a sight. “The Commander insisted it would take quite some time to take someone off their post, he insisted he wasn't worried.” Ruth opened the door ready to leave, while Virgil was just trying for the pressure to not get to him.

Ruth said her final goodbyes and exited the tower.

Virgil then turned to the Royal, who went back to the same spot he had been before Ruth arrived, and just stared out the window as his nurse left.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Roman sat near the big window just looking out he started wondering why Virgil had even come here in the first place. He vaguely remembered Trent mentioning him being a messenger but that could just be some Knightly insult he was unaware of. So… he asked “Virgil, if you don't mind me asking...why exactly did you come here?” Virgil looked alarmed for a second as he had just zoned out for about 20 minutes “Commander Arlott, wanted me to deliver a message to Trent” Roman just responded with a simple “Oh” and resumed his staring out the window.

“So… how did the book end?” Virgil felt a little embarrassed to interrupt the silence to ask but he got extremely invested, to the point that if the Prince refused to share the information he might just read it himself. Roman just laughed, he knew how intriguing the book was “Well… In the middle of the mother’s plan being in motion they actually got word of a rebel group that had been inspired by their attempts to take the crown back.” Virgil sat down right across from the Royal nodding for him to go on.

Roman continued speaking but he kept getting distracted by a tapping sound. At first it was nothing, but then it got so prominent he couldn't ignore it anymore. Mid-rant he stopped himself and started looking around to see where the sound could possibly be coming from.

Virgil was confused as to why the heir had stopped speaking but then he started to hear taps. They didn’t sound like just a regular forest sound and they would surely not hear minuscule noises from such a height.

“Dear knight, are you hearing that?” Virgil nodded and stood up to see what could possibly be causing the ticks, Roman stood right along with him and then suddenly pointed towards the balcony doors. “Virgil, it's coming from the balcony.”

Virgil stopped to listen carefully “Yeah, but what's causing it?” They then saw a little pebble hit the glass doors of the balcony and make the tapping they had been hearing.

Roman went to the balcony with no hesitation and opened the doors.

Virgil started having his thoughts race a mile a minute, what if this was to lure the prince out to assassinate him? If the prince died on his watch he would be hung no doubt.

As these thoughts crossed his mind, he moved forward to follow the prince. He then quickly realized the prince was leaning over the balcony having a casual conversation with his possible murderer.

“Remy, what are you doing here? Ruth is going to kill you if you don't get there by sunrise!” Roman screamed down to the man in a black cape with dark tinted glasses covering his eyes. “Well yeah! But I had to make a stop here! I have something for you!” That made Roman start jumping with anticipation as to what Remy could have brought him from his trip

“What is it Rem? Is it something fancy? Is it food? Is it a book?” Though his eyes couldn't be spotted, not only because of his glasses but due to the height, it was very apparent he rolled his eyes. “No! It's a letter.” That got Roman even more excited. Could it actually be him? Roman haven't received anything but it could actually be! Finally some good news!

“Who’s it from?!” Remy looked down at the letter as if inspecting it “I don't know.” That caused Roman’s excitement to dull immensely. He would have surely marked it. There’s still a chance it could be him, right? Roman’s anticipation quickly turned into more of an anxious feeling.

taglist:

@meowthefluffy

@shade-romeo

@pattonsmile

@sevencreepycatsinacoat

@mychemically-imbalanced-romance

@innerpostturtle

@queenof-hell

@joyrose-fandomer

@vpow

#prinxiety #remile #ts roman #roman sanders #ts virgil #virgil sanders #roman angst #prinxiety fic #platonic remy n roman

39 notes · View notes

yoursinfulurges · 4 years

Text

Toxin and Venom

Slight Dark!Peter Parker x Dark!Reader

Description:

In which a seemingly loving relationship appears greater than it is...

There was something rather terrible about this young man's naive exterior. Though nobody could pinpoint where exactly the dreadfulness laid. His eyes shined a little too brightly, and his words were coated in thick sugar, enough to appear disingenuous to the skillfully trained ears. But there hidden behind is smile concealed the sinister morals of a true manipulator.

Oh' but she was no better herself, twisting words to favour her narrative. Playing as if she was nothing more than a meek little prey.

Warnings: pure angst with an underlining layer of toxicity.

Disclaimer: This is a REWRITE of one of my old stories dated back to a year ago, so if it sounds familiar that is why. This story was originally written for Jung Jaehyun from NCT but seeing as though I've fallen out of love with kpop at the moment, I wanted to repurpose it for my new followers that I've harbored since The Venom Within, as I'm very proud of the way it was written and concluded that I wanted to share with you all. I did improve and change quite a lot so you won't be reading the exact same story and I decided to add a twist to it.

Note: This is more so a college au so the fact that Peter is Spiderman is insignificant...

Word Count: 4.k

_____________

Your boyfriend, Peter, had always been the most kind and caring person you knew. Ever since you met him, and even after months of dating, he still acted like the bashful, kind Disney prince you took him for. Only treating you with nothing but respect and admiration; you often wondered if this boy was even capable of making an insult, or had a bad bone in his body. Fore he acts way too nice and sweet for his own good. Controlling at times but it was with all good intentions...

Originally, you thought the kind gestures and lovely sweet talking was his way of subtly flirting, but after years of dating him, you came to the realization that it was just simply him. Peter didn't need to pretend to be kind and sweet like other guys; given that it was like second nature for him. You loved the boy to death. He showered you with so much love, spoiled you with affection. Treated you like his queen; His shining jewel. Out of the two years that you'd been together, not once has he wronged you.

That is, up until this exact moment...

You stand there in the middle of the kitchen, tears streaming down your cheeks. At this point you had stopped listening to what he was saying. In fear that if you continued to listen to his harsh words, more of your love would begin to fleet away, and you couldn't afford to lose any more. Despite of all your excessive yelling, you loved Peter. And he meant so much to you. But seeing him in this state, angry and hostile, attacking you viciously with his words, you began to question your future with him.

You couldn't quite fathom what brought on this newfound aggression in your relationship. Though, you had a slight seeking suspicion that it was from all the post-exam stress you both had to endure. Weeks upon weeks of studying and sleepless nights finally took its toll on the both of you. Thus bringing you to this exact moment in time. The once loving home corrupted by the harsh spoken words that fell from both of your lips. Anger and aggression filling the room, space welcoming the negativity with open arms. You had both tainted it...

That was not the boy you fell in love with, but instead somebody meaner, a-kind to venom...

Then again, you weren't a saint yourself either, words you wouldn't have ever thought of saying spilled out of your mouth like toxin. You needed to do something fast to mend your relationship back together...

The mere thought of breaking up with the man hurts you so dearly. You just wanted your loving boyfriend back from what ever abyss he dissapeared off to. Typically your fights never lasted this long, but this one proved to be quite challenging. You just wanted him to stop yelling. But in fear of the unthinkable outcome of your protest, you kept shut and held onto the remaining pieces of your heart. You knew for a fact that Peter would never dear to lay a hand on you, so you tried very desperately to push those thoughts aside. However, his following statements made both tasks very difficult. It was as if he was challenging your composure. Like he wanted the flood gates broken.

Like he wanted you to cave in to the malicious voice whispering in your ear...

His words could've very well be from all the stress, ..or pent up insults and remarks that he'd been silently keeping in. You had no way of telling. You prayed and hoped that it was the first one rather than the assuming latter. Because maybe then, you would consider forgiving him. Even though the words punctured you like bullets, penetrating your inner layers and hurting you in more ways than one. This was not your Peter... You questioned the morals behind his words, were they intended to hurt you, or was it just in the heat of the moment. Regardless, you knew that his words would be something that lingered on forever in your head.

"I don't even know why I stayed this long with you, honestly! What do I even see in you! Stop being so unreasonable! You're easily replaceable, so i don't see why you're acting so high and mighty. News flash y/n, i could do a lot better!"

And there it was...

His current state and demeanor rivalled that of which the one you used to know. The soft spoken, kind, sweet, shy Peter. The one that still plays with legos despite being nineteen years old. You'd give anything to have him back...

You always knew that Peter could do better, but hearing this from him was a lot different than you saying it to yourself in your head. Before you had started dating you knew he had a chance with Michelle. She was a very pretty girl that went to your university, she was also Peter's chem partner... Michelle was nice, smart, and talented. You were very aware of the little 'thing' they had going on. So to your surprise, when you heard rumors of a certain Peter Parker, looking to ask you out, you almost didn't believe. Hell, you laughed straight into Brad's face and told him he was delusional. If only a hesitant, blush faced Peter wasn't stood right behind you to prove you wrong.

Ever since that day, you questioned Peter's choice. Why did he choose you, when he could've had a chance with Michelle? Someone he was more compatible with... You figured that he saw something special in you that nobody else did. Though, his previous statement proves you wrong and tells you that he doesn't even know why he gave you a chance. You're at a drift, not knowing where this relationship is headed, or where to stand. Knowing that you were replaceable to Peter weakens you. Were you really that insignificant to him? Were you a chore to be around? If so then why did he stay for two years? All these questions ran through your mind as you're frozen in a state of shock. How do you follow such a thing?

You stand silently, wails threatening to break free from your lips, as you shake. Instantly covering your mouth with your palm. You watch as he screamed at you more, words blocked out by the ringing in your ears. Truthfully, you were glad you couldn't hear his words, not knowing how to reciprocate to any more of his personal attacks.

The familiar feeling of despair began to conjure in the pit of your stomach. The tightness in your chest began to focus on your beating heart, constricting you like a boa preying on its meal. Everything around you became a hazy blur as the non stop ringing became more prominent. The cause being your angry boyfriend and his heart-wrenching words. Jolts of anxiety began to climb up from your figure tips, like a thousand spiders crawling on your skin. A feeling you know all too well crept up from behind you. You were beginning to feel frantic and scared, as your breathing became unstable.

You were becoming erratic, desperate to end the fight and be in his arms again.

"What!? Huh, not gonna clap back with some snarky remark. Admit it, you know im right!"

Peter's face was a striking shade of scarlet while he paced back and forth, hands finding themselves tangled in his hair as he mumbled inaudible words. His hair, you remember running your hands through his curly, brown locks this morning when you woke up. Oh, how happy and blissful you both were twelve hours prior to this moment. You both were so content and hopeful with the prospect of your relationship. Being able to finally spend time with each other after a stressful week. Originally, you had planned a date night with Peter. But things began to make a turn for the worse when he began to insult every little thing you did. Now here you were, an hour and forty-five minutes late for your reservations.

A taste for bitterness began to fill your mouth, as your insides churned. Waves of sadness and despair hit you like a tsunami. You suddenly couldn't stand the thought of staying in the same room as Peter. Let alone sleeping in one. Fore his words had impacted you like an arrow through the heart. You felt sick, disgusted, vulnerable, and above all else, hurt.

"God, you're such a fucking bitch sometimes!" Peter spat, but soon after stopped, noticing your sudden change in demeanor. Your once, fuming and aggressive facade was replaced with a much more subdued, fragile, hurt exterior, mirroring how you felt inside. You had given up. The bandage that held your heart together snapped.

You looked up at him, hurt written all over your face. Instantly, Peter rushed your way. He wanted to wrap his arms around you, apologize for calling you a bitch. But stopped when you held your hand out and shook your head, a sob erupting from your mouth. Suddenly, all the hurtful things Peter said rang through his own head.

Oh...

Shit!

"Baby, I-" He started, not knowing how to follow. His mouth suddenly became dry, letting out a sigh of regret. Voice coming out weak and pained. His chest tightening at the sight of what he has done to you. No no no no no no.... Peter knew you weren't the type to forgive and forget. Even if you both manage to somehow recover from this, he knew that his words would always be in your head. You would constantly doubt yourself and his transparency, thinking if it was all an act.

Regret began to eat away at him once again when he noticed your uneven breathing. Another punch in his gut when he took note of your shaking. Peter's eyes quickly darted to yours, his heart breaking when he saw the amount of fear in them. He was uncertain if you were scared of him or your emotions. He wanted it to be the second one. Peter never wanted you to see him in that light. Yet here you were, having an anxiety attack because of him...

He knew that feeling all too well, having suffered from anxiety of his own, but the fact that he was the one to force you into that state shattered him..

"Don't call me that...." You spat coldy, backing away slowly into your shared bedroom. Making sure he didn't follow and locking the door. Once in the cozy room, you sob like la llorona conveying grief. You couldn't bear to see all the happy pictures of you two, when he said so himself, you're nothing special to him. Without thinking, you began to rip off every Polaroid, framed pictures, and drawings from the walls. Not caring of ripping them. You threw them all on the floor. Your vision becoming clouded by tears as you sob. Ruining the white fabric of your oversized sweater with your makeup contaminated tears.

Your body halts, the last remaining picture was of the both of you on your first date. You always considered that day as the happiest moment of your life. But now knowing that you're just a pit stop in Peter's life, the memory manifests into something much darker than obsidian.

You inhale as you looked at the picture one more time. It was you kissing Peter on the cheek. He donned a beautiful cheshire smile, his freckles displaying proudly under the sunlight. He wore a red, hooded sweatshirt with his hero, Iron man's logo depicted on the top right corner. You always love it when he wore sweaters, especially that one. You remembered every emotion you felt as the picture was being taken. Even if you didn't, your expression held it all. You radiated happiness as the butterflies in your stomach became restless. You were so happy...

You sob lightly, your thumb caressing his face as you looked fondly at the picture. Suddenly, words that fell from his mouth earlier replayed in your head. He had purposely attacked your deepest insecurities. Jabbed and taunted you. The Peter you knew would never result to something so cruel and petty. Without putting much thought into it, you began to take the picture out of its frame.

Your ears perking up when you hear the familiar sound of the lock being picked. The jiggling of the doorknob was something you grew accustomed to. Having locked yourselves out of the bedroom on more than one occasion....

Taking one final breath, you rip the picture in two and retreated into the master bathroom. Once the door was slammed shut and locked, all hell broke loose. As if it couldn't have gotten worse alright. Your wails grew louder and more repetitive that you were being to sound like a banshee, mourning for her decaying heart. Eventually, you found yourself curled up in the bathtub, suppressing your cries into your knees as you lowered your head.

Peter finally succeeds in picking the lock, after what seemed like hours, and once he creaked opened the door of your shared bedroom, his heart broke in two. Parts of him began to deteriorate, he wished he had never said those hurtful things. He felt numb and out of touch with reality, sensing his anxiety looming over his shoulder. Peter knew that one of your biggest insecurities was never meaning much to somebody. And that weren't fond of feeling worthless and neglected. He knew your background and upbringing well enough to know just how much you disliked being treated as such.

All he wanted to do was hold you in his arms and kiss your tears away. A pool of sadness brimmed his eyes as he evaluates the damage. From one corner of the room to the other, pictures were left scattered and discarded. The framed drawings of him that you illustrated, sat on the floor of your bedroom, frame cracked and shattered. The Polaroids he held ever so dearly to his heart, littered the bed and floor. He broke down in tears when he sees the torn picture of you both.

How could you vandalize such a treasured memory. But then again, how could he hurt the most precious thing in his life. Seeing the picture ripped apart like this, he knew that somehow he affected your perspective on this whole relationship. His previous words had tainted such beloved memories, and twisted them to seem like nothing more than a one-sided love. He made you question whether he truly loved you or not. Suddenly the realization kicked in, and it kicked in hard. A tsunami of guilt and regret pierced through is heart. His insides churned and it suddenly became very hard to breathe. He suddenly became really aware of how dire this situation was. His following actions may break your relationship if he didn't act wisely.

Peter bends down to hold your piece of the puzzle, a river flow of heart ache cascading down his cheeks, wetting the captured image of you. Your sobs, which had begun to sound like cries of help, due to lack of air, rang threw Peter's ears. Suddenly he grew extremely concerned and rushed to the door, dropping your image.

Immediately, you stop when you heard soft knocks coming from the other end of the door, which was soon followed by cries and sniffling sounds.

"Baby, open the door!" You don't comply with his words and stayed seated in your place, hugging your knees tighter.

"W-what are you gonna do if i don't? Pick the lock and violate my privacy! Just go away P-peter! W-why don't you go find another girl to replace me, because apparently, i-i mean nothing to you!" Screaming at the inanimate door, or more so the person behind it, as you let out a cut short wail. You hated yourself for how weak and broken you sounded. Wishing, you could drown out his stupid words that had already engraved itself deep in your brain.

"Y-you said s-so yourself! I'm easily replaceable! I-if i had known that this relationship was just gonna be one sided then i would've never wasted my time!" Apparent in your tone and words how truly distraught you were, Peter cried harder, cold sweats engulfing his body. He winced at the thought of how broken you were. It only lead him to wonder, what exactly happened and what brought on this fight. Sounding more so a statement rather than a question in his head.

He parted his lips softly, a small whimpering sigh rolling off his tongue.

"Please y/n, just open the door. I-i just want to see you. Please... I-I need to know that you're okay...." his words laced with mixed emotions, such as sorrow and remorse. Despite his current emotional state, Peter's stature looked anything else but composed. God, he was freaking out..

Incoherently mumbling a soft 'please' as he laid his forehead onto the wood door. His hand resting above his head, fist balled tightly, as if ready to start pounding. He was desperate, eyes screwing shut tightly causing a flow of tears to glide down his cheeks. Peter's jaw clenched tightly in frustration, as he beat himself over and over again for saying such things.

After much hesitance, you stood up and made your way to the door. Peter hears the small shuffle and quickly straightens himself out. After seconds of hovering your hand over the knob, you twist it open, instantly unlocking itself and setting free all the pent up emotions. You crack open the door, almost immediately, Peter rushes in and hugs you.

You don't return the hug, silently stiffening in his arms. At that moment, the last few bits of composure you had built back up snaps loose. You become a crying mess in Peter's arms. Feelings of unmeasurable sadness cascade down your cheeks, onto his black long sleeve shirt. You try and push him away, but fail due to his strength. His muscular arms constricting you as if you would fade away.

"Listen to me please." He says softly, tears lightly streaming down his cheeks, though, not to the caliber of yours.

You sniffle lightly, thrashing in his arms. Though, it was no use, his hold was so secure that no amount of resistance would break you free. So, you could do nothing else but endure what he has to say.

"I'm sorry-

Sorry doesn't fix anything Peter, it's just a word!" The teary-eyed male hissed at your words. The amount of hurt and venom your tone held was enough to make his jaw clench and his hold to tighten.

"I know it doesn't, but it's a start. L-look, i didn't mean to say that. I don't know what came over me, or what caused me to say those things. But what i do know is that they were a hundred percent untrue. And i want you to know that..." He pauses briefly to wipe away your tears with his thumb. Dipping his head into the crook of your neck. He took in your floral scent, hoping it would help him regain composure. You feel a tug on your heart at how utterly hurt and small he sounded.

"I love you with all my heart, and that you are the most unique girl I've ever met... If anything i don't know how i even managed to get a girlfriend as beautiful and amazing as you..... Wanna know why I'm with you?" You nod lightly into his chest. His hold readjust itself as he lays his head above yours. Almost content with your slight gesture, but he needed to be sure you were happy.

"It's because you accept me for who i am. You don't pressure me to be perfect all the time, you welcome my flaws with open arms; don't expect anything from me and shower me with so much love everyday... I want you to know that i could never replace you, not that i would ever want to. How did i ever get so lucky... Please y/n, you are one of the most important people in my life.... I-i can't loose you too..." Peter couldn't fathom a future with out you in it. He grew frantic, thinking that this day could be the last together. And that there would be a slight chance that you didn't want to forgive him again. He couldn't let that happen...

"Please say something...." He sighed whilst tears brimmed his eyes, taking your tightening hold on his shirt to keep moving forward.

"Do you remember when we first started dating, that night i texted you that i was frustrated and my anxiety was acting up... And you came over in a heart beat, even though you lived fifteen minutes away... Y-you told me to let it all out, and i cried in your arms for an hour, complaining about everything. I felt so ashamed for crying in front of you, but you told me that i was so brave for accepting my feelings... I know what i said must've hurt you a lot, but I'll do better... I'm sorry for triggering you like that." Peter's tone was barely above whisper, and if he hadn't have said it directly above your ear, you would've missed it. There he was... your Peter....

You thought back to the said memory and smiled fondly, that was the night you both realized that you wanted a more serious title on your relationship. Finally labeling each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. You thought back to all the happy memories you both shared and confirmed that a silly little fight wouldn't get the best of you. Yes, his words might've hurt, but his actions now out ways all of his petty insults. You give into your flourishing heart and forgive him.

Backing away from his chest lightly, you look up at him, gasping slightly at his blood shot eyes. You hesitatly reach up to cup both of his cheeks. Wiping away the remaining tears that streamed down his face. He smiled lightly and leaned into your touch, taking one of your hands in his and place a soft, delicate kiss on it.

"We'll be okay...." You smiled at his comforting words before planting a passionate, loving kiss on his lips. Peter smiled lightly before taking your wrist on his hold and guiding them to wrap around his neck. He deepens the kiss and pulls you closer by your waist.

It was then that he realized that he wanted you to be the only women in his life. And that he wanted nobody else. Suddenly feeling an overly compelling urge in his heart to make up for his actions overcomes him. He was determined to trap you in his web of love again. He couldn't loose you too...

You smile in content,

portraying the victim always worked...

'Indeed, we'll be just fine.....'

Perhaps they were both awful people, fooling each other with the reality they both created. But it was done with the intent of love, sick twisted love... He was possessive and she was insecure. And together they were toxin and venom... God forbid anything that tries to get in between them...

_____________

End Note:

For those that don't understand, take notice in Peter's words and how drastically different they are from when he was mad to when he was apologizing. Sweet at first glance but if you really dig deep you'd notice how sugar coated everything seemed, like he's saying what you want to hear. And as for the Reader, I purposely left out how much she contributed to the fight in the beginning to make it seem as though she was the victim, when in reality she was also at fault. The anxiety aspect of this story was very much 'real' since I described what it felt like for me and I wanted her to suffer from anxiety yet have something be a little off. Now, I'm not claiming that the bedroom part was a whole scene to feed her victim persona, but that's up to how you want to view it. This story is subjective and can be taken however way you want to.

228 notes · View notes