#Working on coming up w ideas for a sequel to this about another of the hundred who has no idea theyre a changeling & believe that theyre | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jamneuromain · 4 months

Note

For your Lloyd and Secretary one, what if someone who works closely with Brewer finds out about how he died and seeks out for vengeance? And how about he kidnaps and enslaves Secretary and Lloyd has to get her back? But the Secretary thinks that Lloyd would just replace her, even if she had developed some feelings for Lloyd, she still believed that he would leave her. But Lloyd finds her.

Hi nonnies! Sorry for taking so long to write :3

I love your ideas and I present to you--

Out for Blood

Lloyd Hansen x You

Warning: Mob AU, Mob!Lloyd, Secretary!Reader (Driver!Denny Carmicheal), Graphic Depiction of Blood and Violence (I guess Lloyd is a warning of his own?), Reader has hemophobia (fear of blood), a lot of cursing.

W/C: ~5k

Summary: You were captured by a rival gang. Would Lloyd come and save you?

A/N: This is a sequel to A Whiff of Blood, Thank you for all your love to Mob!Lloyd<333

For the record, your hemophobia is directed to blood coming from other people, not your own. You wouldn’t faint or puke if you had a papercut, but you would (and did) puke when Lloyd showed up at your door a few weeks ago, littered with blood and cuts.

Tasting the faint tang of rust and salt from the cut inside your cheek, your tongue inevitably touches the wound in your mouth.

Ouch, it stings.

An almost ridiculous - but somewhat fits the situation you are facing - idea comes to mind.

You hope Lloyd could pay for your dental care if your tooth gets knocked out.

In a dark humid stinky cell, you are obligated to keep yourself from fainting.

How long is it since you’ve been captured? An hour? Two?

You don’t know. Not that the concrete walls give any clues as to where you are and when is it.

Your head is dizzy, and somewhere on the back of your head is throbbing, possibly the spot where someone knocks your head with a baseball bat or a heavy club.

-who the heck still uses a club to beat the shit out of their victims to issue a kidnapping these days? Aren’t they worried about possible brain injuries?

Your hands and feet are tied to a plain wooden chair with zip ties, not something you can get out of without tools and time. Knowing that they kidnapped you and took you to this place, instead of dumping you down the pier with a large stone tied to your feet? You’ve got time, some of them at least. They want something from you, hence the reason why you are alive.

The problem is to rescue yourself before they realize nothing is coming out of your mouth.

So, the real question is, how much time do you have?

Dull thuds of footsteps approach you. After some screeching from the iron bars and the clang of the lock opened by a key, that is supposed to be the cell gate’s composition, you assume, for you are forced in another direction having been tied to the chair, another screeching sound, and the door swings open, entering two men.

They stand before you, one has his hands on his hips, the other crossing his arm.

Think. Your mind goes one hundred miles per hour. Think. Sometimes Lloyd keeps his captives alive, but only when his men are wearing masks. But these two are showing their faces in broad daylight – nightlight, to be precise, since you left the office around 7:30 pm, and later got a smack in the head after having picked up the dry cleaning for Lloyd.

You watched their faces closely. The first man who appears before you is shorter than the other, it is difficult to tell his height when you are sitting on a chair, but you assume he is approximately your height (which is definitely short for an average man), medium build – again, it is hard to tell with his jacket on, you have to conduct most of your analysis base on guesswork. Something about his face looks familiar, however, you cannot pinpoint who or what, since as a secretary, you meet a lot of people daily.

The other guy, the taller one and the more muscular one, doesn’t strike you as someone you know in the past. A hint of tattoo peeks on the back of his hand, a sharp edge with the color of tattoo ink. The beard covers half his face, and that he’s bald, in contrast to his wild facial hair.

“Well, well, well.” The first one smirks, “If it isn’t Lloyd’s pretty thing in our hands.”

Think. They haven’t killed you yet, but they are planning to. Think of something smart. To stall. Or to gather enough information so that Lloyd will know who to revenge on if you are dead.

The hair on the back of your neck practically stands when the word “dead” crosses your mind for a split second.

You cannot panic. Not now. Think.

“You can drop an invitation to my mailbox, y’know? If you wanna talk.” You look up at them. A small smile raises the corner of your lips, but you are not smiling, not really, because your sharp eyes are taking in the minor changes in their expressions.

The first one raises his eyebrows, somewhat surprised, while the second one remains stoic.

“Impressive.” The man compliments, “Thought you would thrash and kick, but I guess you have seen too much of this - ” He gestures to your tied-up position, “working for Lloyd, eh?”

You neither confirm nor deny, yet, you make an attempt at deciphering his intentions, “What is it with this time?” God, you sound like you have been kidnapped twice a week since you got the secretary job. You raise your eyebrows as he does, “Threats to cooperate? Info about his latest business? Or are you two with the FBI?”

They both glance at each other when you mention the FBI.

Good news, they are not cops.

Bad news, they are not cops, which means they are more likely to kill you.

“Hey, you.” You turn your head to the silent bulk of beard, “Didn’t I see you tattling to your badge buddy two weeks ago? Is it what this is about? That I see you tipped off the cops?”

Of course, you haven’t seen the second man tattling to the cops. You don’t know him. But considering the tension ever since you pose the possibility that they are with the police and law enforcement, it is not a bad way to start an argument between the two of them.

That is, hopefully, there are only two that initiated your kidnapping. The plan of brewing a feud among the kidnappers would be more difficult to implement if there’s another person involved.

Under the first man’s continuous stare, the second man huffs out a grunt, grabs your hair in one hand, and lands a blow into your stomach with the other.

“Cука.” He grumbles, stepping back to where he was standing.

If it weren’t for the pain in your stomach, as the blow on your stomach feels like your guts have cracked into four pieces, you would most absolutely jump up from the chair that has you tied, and clap, for he has bared his identity before you, stripping clean.

Thank fuck you know a few curse words in Russian, one of them being “cука”, which means “bitch”.

Russian mob it is.

You know about the Russian mob in LA. A few weeks ago, Lloyd teamed up with one of his business partners to sell illegal substances (a nice way of putting it) and gradually took up the Russian turf. He got shot and was nearly killed after that, when the Russians ambushed him in the clinic he used to go, killing his doctor and one of his men. Lloyd himself barely got out alive and took shelter in your apartment.

Today, around 7 pm, Lloyd took his driver Denny and two of his henchmen to a club he owned to meet the Russians to settle for a truce. As his secretary, you know that he usually conducts his mob business there, instead of in the building where you work. So, you finished up the paperwork and called it a night, while ordering some pizza since cooking would take an additional one hour and a half.

You were on your way home, stopping by on the side of the curb to pick up Lloyd’s dry cleaning when you lost consciousness after a hit in the head.

Oh crap, you would have to send those clothes to the dry cleaning again.

Focus. You take a deep breath, clearing the irrelevant thoughts from your mind. Think smart. How could you subtly prove yourself worthy to them?

“Fine.” You huff out, “You are not working with a badge buddy, I get it.” Adding some sarcasm to the mix, you twitch the muscles on your face, your tone as despising as your expression, “I’m sure what I’ve seen with my own eyes is purely some illusion-voodoo shit.”

Great. Now you sound like Lloyd fucking Hansen.

The first man clears his throat, effectively silencing the grumbling Russian guy.

“Quite a temper.” He pulls a chair from the corner of the cell, sitting in front of you, pointing at himself, then back at you, “You know, we could’ve been friends, you and I.”

“Oh yeah?” You quirk your brow, “What’s stopping ya’? Enlighten me.”

Shit. Too Lloyd.

You are somewhat surprised when he responds per your ask, “If you insist…”

Yeah well, you weren’t exactly insisting (or interested, for that matter, you couldn’t care less). Nevertheless, you nod for him to continue.

“Suza Brewer. Rings a bell?” He smiles, but the friendliness is nowhere to be seen.

Of course, the name Suza Brewer rings a bell. Unfortunately, it’s the bad kind of bell.

Brewer had threatened to have you to himself, and asked Lloyd – not in a nice way – to balance between their deal and you.

… since you are alive and breathing and your limbs are still intact, without a doubt, Lloyd chose you, his faithful employee over the dumb biker Brewer, and fed Brewer to the fishes. You had speculated that there were crocodiles underwater where he disposed of the bodies, because damn, Lloyd’s body-dumping was never found by police forces, or any other people, for that matter, and now you are equally tempted to throw this kidnapper beneath the Westside Pier too.

If only you weren’t tied up like a lamb for slaughter.

“Vaguely.” You pretend to think, tilting your head to the side, even though the back of your shirt is soaked with your cold sweat, “Is he in trouble?”

Hell, Brewer is more than “in trouble”. He’s more like “in crocodile”. His body parts could be swimming along with those hideous beasts, travelling hundreds of miles apart from each other, as you speak.

Somehow, the phrase “in crocodile” has you close to smiling. Especially in this circumstance. Fuck. You are most definitely contaminated by Lloyd Fucking Hansen. You bite the inside of your cheek from actually smiling. As a result, you accidentally bite on your wound.

It stings like a bitch.

The man in front of you speaks softly, “Suza is my brother. And your boss, Lloyd Hansen, killed him.”

This is not going to end well.

You pray to whatever deity that would answer, and hope that you could have a better ending than the Brewer guys. If not, then at least a quick, painless death.

The man observes your face for any expression that could slip away some info, but eventually, he sighs and continues, “So, I decided that I would avenge him, by taking away Lloyd’s most prized possession.”

Ah. Lloyd’s most prized possession would be his gun. He’d spend an hour every day wiping it spotless with a fine cloth, counting the bullets in his gun before popping the magazine back in place. You have heard about a few of the henchmen joking that Lloyd would be more pissed if a man touches his gun, compared to touching his dick,

You have seen the gun on many occasions. Most of the times on his belt, occasionally in his hand, and once, only once on the table when he was dismantling it. But he quickly put it back together seeing you with the pile of paperwork and shoved it back on his belt. Twice, if you are counting the time when he nearly bleeds out in your home.

“Aaaaaaand you want to ask me what his prized possession is?” You pipe up.

That’d be easy. However, you doubt what this Brewer brother had in mind could be this plain and straight.

As far as you know, Lloyd doesn’t have any siblings, parents to account for (he was adopted by a gang member around five, who died in an alley fight a decade later), women that he’d ride or die for (he picks different escorts when he’s in the mood, no one, in particular, meets his eyes), or any offsprings (then your job would be more nanny than a secretary). In fact, you wrecked your brain for the answer to this question, and the truth is, that Lloyd doesn’t care about anyone in any way – apart from the men (and women) working for him. Even so, his expression of “caring” is to drop a generous check if any of them was taken out or quit voluntarily, and never pay attention to them again.

He doesn’t have any pets, neither a dog nor a goldfish to keep him company.

You wonder whether he harbors any feelings at all, except the thrill of being a sociopath.

… maybe he loves his gun in a romantic way, who knows.

“No. I got that part.” Brewer No.2 speaks with a wild glint in his eyes, “And she’s sitting right in front of me.”

You huff out a laugh. This could be the top 1 joke of the Hansen Government Services, that Lloyd sees you as his prize? Pfft.

But the man’s determent tone tells you differently. That he believes Lloyd cherishes you the most. Which means he is going to take you away.

“Don’t believe me?” He shrugs, “My intel snapped pictures of a file, hidden in his top drawer, on top of every shit he has.” Showing the pictures he has on his phone, he added, “You were on that file, Ms. Secretary.”

It was Lloyd’s desk. Dimly-lit, but still, Lloyd’s desk. Someone could burn that desk down to ash and you’d still recognize it. And the file laid bare. With a CV and a photo…

Oh no. Oh shit. It is you.

You’d be lucky as hell if Brewer No.2 simply told you something bad about Lloyd and gave you some money to run far away, as if this is some bullshit mob romance novel. In this situation, he is more likely to skin you alive and send your fingers in a FedEx package to Lloyd’s doorstep as a Christmas present. Or pull out your fingernails before shooting you in the head. Or torture you in the most painful ways possible. Oh God.

The fucking Brewer family and both of these men could go straight to Hell strapped on rabid Cerberus with burning white-hot iron shoes that could not come off.

Think. Think! He hasn’t killed you yet. Why he hasn’t killed you yet? You could be more deader than Suza Brewer who was stuck at the bottom of the pier right now. Why is this Brewer No.2 keeping you alive? What does he want from you besides to intimidate Lloyd?

You have no choice but to ask, “I’m guessing that, since I haven’t got a bullet between my eyes, you want something else too?”

A wicked grin perks up his lips. Handing his phone to your face, he says, “I want you to call him.”

Forget dental care, you now hope Lloyd could pay for a decent funeral.

Brewer No.2 dials the number for you and puts it on speaker. Your heart thumping in your ears, praying that he’d answer. But also praying that he won’t. What if it’s a larger trap to lure him here? You’d rather he doesn’t pick up and get it over with. Plus, he’s too busy to pick up calls, he’s negotiating with the Russians-

“Who’s this?” Lloyd’s sharp voice pierces through the speaker, and seems to have gripped your throat tightly.

Brewer No.2 urges you to speak, but turns out he’s too hyped up to wait for your mumbling lips to make a sound. He drags his tone almost annoyingly, “Hello, Hansen. I’m Levi Brewer, brother of Suza Brewer. I’m here to collect a debt.”

“Oh yeah? Enlighten me.”

That’s so un-Lloyd-like. He’d normally end the call until the person on the other end of the phone could learn to speak what they want directly, which you have witnessed a few dozen times. You can almost imagine Lloyd’s unamused face and his killing glare, having had to deal with Brewer No.2, Levi Brewer.

“You, Mr. Hansen, killed my brother, which is why I’m taking the love of your life away from you.” Brewer No.2 announces, pulling out his gun to flip the safe off. The crisp clicking noise is like a heavy punch to your stomach, declaring the clock of your life ticking towards its end.

Jesus. You? The love of Lloyd’s life? You could’ve sworn Lloyd has a deeper bond to that escort named Cherry than you.

“Say hello to the pretty little thing I’ve just captured.” Brewer slams his palm across your face, squeezing a yelp out of your tightened throat.

The only “pretty” thought about you is that you are pretty sure you are neither “little”, nor “thing”, but that’s a debate settled for another time.

“Say your name, beautiful. I’m sure your boss would catch up soon.” Brewer No.2 points the gun to your face, and places the phone near your lips.

No matter how reluctant you are, you know this might be the only chance where you can tip Lloyd off. And maybe, just maybe he’d revenge on Tweedle Dee by allowing Dee – Brewer No.2 share the same fate as his brother. “Evening, Mr. Hansen.” You mumble, the taste of iron roots deeply in your mouth that you cannot speak clearly, “Sorry to disturb you.”

Lloyd doesn’t reply. He must be mad. Deeply mad at you for ruining his negotiation with the Russians.

Russian? Fuck, the Russian in the room – you spare a quick glance at the silent bulk of beard in the corner – shit, they were in on it together. The Russian mobs asked Lloyd to give you up – nonono, it can’t be, Lloyd wasn’t that good at acting, and considering Levi is sharing this news that you were kidnapped just now, he could be plotting with the Russians.

Does Lloyd know? Your head is messing with your thoughts. Does he know about your abduction? Was he permitting this to happen?

No. Brewer works against Lloyd, which means Lloyd couldn’t have known.

Who should you trust? Was Lloyd generous enough to give you up? Even though he declined Suza Brewer’s deal: you for the business? And fed him to the sharks because he disrespected you?

… probably crocodiles, but who cares at this point.

“Are you hurt?” Lloyd asks.

“Not really.” The tip of your tongue presses against the wound in your mouth, eliciting pain to clear your head – desperate measures for desperate times – and you continue, “I was wondering, though. I think two teeth of mine are loose. Does the employee benefit cover dental care?”

Think, think, think! How can you pass on the message?

Before Lloyd can answer, you take a head start, “Must be one of those Alenka … Alonka Chocolate bars?”

Last Christmas, the Russian mobs sent over a basket of those chocolate bars, Lloyd ordered to have them tested (in case there was poison) and gave them to his employees after they came out clean. But that was about a year ago, and Lloyd saw the wrapping papers in the basket near your seat right before the day ended. He joked about “eating with the enemy” while you admitted the chocolate was not half bad.

There. The message. Loud and clear.

“The dental plan gives you a 10% discount,” Lloyd says calmly. Which is a big fat lie, because no dental plan would be so petty. He wants to say something about 10. But about what? Ten minutes until he’s here? He’d bring ten men along?

“But I won’t tolerate tardiness, sunshine,” Lloyd’s voice sends a shiver down your spine, “Your working hours are nine am to eight pm. Don’t you dare be late.”

Holy Mary and Joseph. First ten, now nine and eight? Lloyd is about to tear this place down in less than ten seconds.

“Enough chitchat.” Brewer No.2 takes the phone back and aims his gun at your face again, “Say your goodbyes. Lloyd Hansen, you are about to hear her final words.”

“My final words?” You lean back onto the chair, steadying yourself with your feet as much as possible, “You really talk too much.”

A loud blast erupts from where the silent Russian is standing. He is most definitely covered in a few dozen kilos of rubbles and bricks. Levi instinctively covers his head, but the blast knocks him to the ground, where he stays unconscious. You are the only one with enough preparations to lower your body, even though being tied to the chair. But you still get thrown over by the blast and the chair collapses underneath your body.

A few henchmen armed to the teeth step through the hole in the wall. After them, Lloyd.

Lloyd in a black coat.

Your ears are ringing, and you can’t tell what he’s trying to say.

Another man with a black briefcase comes to your side. Your pupils were examined, your pulse was checked, and your lungs were listened to.

“… you feel any pain?” The other man asks you.

You shake your head. It hurts a bit in your mouth but that’s just a little cut.

“She’s alright.” The man who appears to be a doctor confirms, helping you up from the ground.

You stand on wobbly legs. The past hour has been too much of a scare that your knees are shaking. You trip over your own feet, before a pair of solid arms steadies you.

“Easy tiger.” Lloyd’s voice booms by your ear, having your head snap in his direction.

He came.

Oh God he came.

Knowing this was a semi-trap, but he didn’t need to be here. He could wait until this is over and give you a proper burial.

And you could’ve died. He could’ve died. You both could’ve died.

You stumble into his embrace, fingers clenching his thick woolen coat.

You probably shouldn’t. He’s your employer, your boss. He’d probably sue you for sexual harassment. But you did.

The blood soars in your ears. You dare not breathe out loud, fearing that you are dreaming.

It feels like a dream. It all did.

“ ’s alright. It’s alright now.” Lloyd murmurs. He runs a hand down your spine, inching your head close to his shoulder.

“How-How did you find me so soon?” Among everything, this is the one you were the most curious about. Yet you dare not look at him. Even if he has just saved your life.

Lloyd narrows his eyes. If you were any other girl, you’d be crying and weeping, and wiping snot on his coat, telling him how much you wanted to be with him the moment you thought you were dying. But no. You were not any other girl.

Fuck.

Long story short, he doesn’t want to elaborate, for you have plenty of time to discuss about this later, “Noticed there was something wrong with the Russians. Then your doorman called.”

“My doorman?” You raise your head to look at him, your brows furrow in confusion, “The guy at the residence entrance? Henry?” While your fingers slowly untangling from his coat.

“He had my number – I’m the last tenant of that condo – told me your pizza came and he couldn’t reach you,” Lloyd explains as simply as possible.

Ah yes. You ended your work around 7pm and ordered pizza…

You make a mental note to thank Henry for saving your life.

A groan drifts to your ear. You turn around on instinct, as Levi Brewer regains his senses.

“Where… I… What…”

In a split second, Lloyd pulls out his gun to shoot him twice in the chest.

A scream gets stuck in your throat, when the crimson blooms in Brewer’s chest.

Your body is shaking, trembling - a natural fear towards the predator behind you.

Brewer crumbles to the ground.

Lloyd lets out a sigh. He puts his arm around you, guiding your hand towards a piece of lukewarm metal. The metal that has just shot Brewer in the chest.

“You have no idea how to shoot, do you?” He asks, but doesn’t expect you to answer. It is a miracle that you are not fainting, he had hoped for far less before arriving.

Wrapping your index finger around the trigger, Lloyd takes a deep breath before flipping off the safe.

“Eye.” He lifts your chin in the direction of Brewer on the ground.

“Arm.” One of his hands steadies your shaking arm into a stable angle.

“Mark.” He lowers the gun point to Brewer’s forehead.

His warm chest against your back, blocking every possible way of escaping. The familiar feeling of having your throat in his hands creeps up your neck, making it difficult for you to breathe.

Your heart thumping loudly, your breath as shallow as it can be, as the warm air coming out of his mouth reaches your ears.

“Aim for the head. And shoot.”

He curls his finger next to yours, and your finger hits the trigger.

The gun is well-positioned, allowing the bullet to dive into Brewer’s forehead, leaving a round of crimson around the bullet hole.

You spin on your heels immediately, fighting the hurling stomach deep down.

The hard piece of metal comes between you and Lloyd.

A gun.

Lloyd’s gun.

You just used a gun to kill someone.

You are never getting a decent job anywhere in the world.

You are going to keep this skeleton in your closet forever (and of course, working for Lloyd until the day you die).

The cold metal burns your palm. You remember about the jokes that Lloyd never allows anyone to touch his gun.

“I… This belongs to you.” You shove the gun into his hands, as if this is some beast that would bite your fingers off if you keep it for one more second.

Lloyd snorts when his prized gun is pushed into his hands. But he doesn’t say another word. He clasps the gun back on his belt before ordering his men to leave.

You follow his troop out of the building in silence. The past hour has been a series of roller-coaster events that you need some time to process.

Denny is waiting in the car when you climb in. While the rest of Lloyd’s men get in a van, Lloyd barks a few orders to them that you haven’t paid attention to. You sit in the car, your back rigid, and you put your hands on your knees like a pupil in class.

Denny offers a sympathetic smile when your eyes meet in the rear-view mirror. He isn’t the type to talk, serving as Lloyd’s driver. But he’s nice enough to hand you a bottled water from the glove compartment, which you take with a murmured “thanks” and clench it with your knuckles turning white.

The adrenaline fades from your blood system, and your heart beats in a stable rhythm, your breathing finally adjusts itself to slow inhales and exhales.

The bruises on your wrists and ankles are scorching in pain. The back of your head is hurting too. Luckily, none of your bones is broken, which could be the best news of this evening.

This feels way too familiar.

As Lloyd opens the car door, your heart jumps to your throat again.

You are worried. Worrying about he’d fire you, thinking you have leaked information to the Brewer guy. Worrying about you have touched his gun, using it to kill someone, no less, and he’d cut off your hand for using it. Worrying about Lloyd would be dead if he steps into a trap with you as bait, that Levi Brewer intended to kill him…

Why the fuck are you worrying about Lloyd? He’s perfectly fine taking care of himself. It is you who needs extra self-defense lessons.

“What… Um, what happened to the truce you went to negotiate with the Russians?” You can’t help but ask, knowing that the dead Russian who kidnapped you was dragged out of the rubbles and put into a body bag, heading in another direction on the van that had Lloyd’s men on it.

“It was a trick,” Lloyd grumbles, “to stall. We agreed upon no phones, so it took me a while to get the call from that doorman. Then I knew they were trying to stall me from getting to you.”

You were whacked when you had just picked up the drycleaning for Lloyd. “-my car, and my – your clothes -” You remember.

“-were taken care of.” He picks up where you left off, “I’m assigning you an assistant, Claire. She’s living next door. She has driven your car back to the garage, and sent the clothes to dry cleaning as well.”

“An assistant? I don’t need an assistant.” You argue, “I can work fine on my own.”

“And get knocked out on the street in the middle of the night?” Lloyd snorts impatiently, “She’s there to protect you, but ask her to pick up the coffee, take out the trash, and drive the car for you, I don’t care. Claire would be by your side when I’m not close enough to save your ass.”

Ah. So you are a liability to him.

Maybe you weren’t suitable for a mob secretary at all.

You were no prized possession, as Brewer claimed to be.

And he’s your boss. You should feel lucky to be alive instead of mulling over whether he treats you special or not.

“Yes, Mr. Hansen.” You collect your feelings. It is perfectly normal for him to assign you a bodyguard/assistant. Hell, it’s even perfectly normal that he wants to fire you for your incompetence. Hiring an assistant? He doesn’t want you to get kidnapped again, that’s all.

… or replace you when she gets the gist of your job.

You think bitterly, staring at the tinted window.

“By the way, you don’t have to come to work tomorrow.” Lloyd casually tells you, “Paid leave, and it’s Friday anyway, you deserve some time off after this …” He carefully considers the choice of words, “… incident.”

“Thank you, Mr. Hansen.” You reply automatically.

It is such a weird thing that you let out a small exhale of relief when you heard the word “paid leave”, as if he would’ve thrown you off the car and told you that you are fired right after saying you don’t have to come to work.

Lloyd isn’t so ruthless after all.

Your heart beats faster, hopeful for …

What are you hopeful for?

You kick the ridiculous thought into the corner of your mind, answering, “I’ll be back on Monday.”

Taglist (Also tagging those who might be interested): @stargazingfangirl18 @sarahdonald87 @joannaliceevans-fanficblog @magnificentsaladllama @biteofcherry @petalj @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @thezombieprostitute @yiiiikesmish @warriorblu @vonalyn @notathingjustthere @lokislady82 @irishhappiness @toozmanykids @alicedopey @cakesandtom @universitypenguin @openup-yourmind @helenaeisenhower @wilsons-striped-ties @tittittoee @bean-is-reading @yearningforsappho @esposadomd @salvatoreitmeanssaviour

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#lloyd hansen x you #lloyd hansen x reader #lloyd hansen fluff #lloyd hansen fanfiction #lloyd hansen #the grey man #mob!lloyd hansen #lloyd hansen angst

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devilsmoth · 2 months

Text

Dead Rising (TFW x reader, Lucifer x reader?????)

Authors Note: I know this isn't the best thing I've ever written, but this is more just writing practice for me :] trying to get back into the swing of writing. Either way, I hope you enjoy it ! If not then I'm sorry ;w;

Warnings: Nothing, really. Language?

Pairing: I didn't write one in mind, though the way I ended up writing Lucifer I suppose it could be Lucifer x y/n if I make a sequel to this?

Prompt: "I thought you were dead!" / "Wow! The miracle of life!", "Just wishful thinking."

Words: 1,741

It was....weird. Death was weird, but then again it'd also be weird if it wasn't weird? Some sort of weird paradox. A weirdadox, if you will.

One moment, you were there, ready to fight alongside team Free Will, and then next you were just....gone? What was weird was that there wasn't even any pain, or if there was you certainly don't remember it. You've flirted with the concept of death many times before, all of them filled with unbearable pain and slight panic, but you've never actually died.

You weren't sure what happened, but there was no reaper to meet you, nobody to guide you to the other side. Dean and Sam were too busy fighting some stupid group of angels to notice you had died so abruptly. Or, at least you think you died? Question mark?

Your brows furrowed as you took a look at your surroundings, only to see Lucifer standing there with a smug smile on his face, and wiggling his fingers at you in some strange form of a wave. He was quiet, for now at least, instead pointing to something on the ground. Confusion was clear on your face as you followed where he was pointing, only to see your body on the ground.

You looked over yourself, searching for any signs of a wound, anything that would've attributed to your cause of death, but there was....nothing. No blood, no wounds, no gore, nothing. You looked back to Lucifer with a strange gaze, expecting him to explain just what the fuck is going on.

"Now," He begins, hands in front of him, "I bet you're wondering, 'Oh no, what happened, what am I, mehmehmeh,'" Lucifer takes on a high pitched, mocking tone, hands moving side to side as he speaks, "All good questions."

There was a long, silent pause, with him just staring at you.

"Oh, you want me to answer them." Lucifer announces in a bored tone.

"I think that would be the polite thing to do, yeah," You nod in agreement, "Especially since you were the one that killed me, I feel like I'm owed some kind of explanation."

"Huh?" He questions, but whether it's genuine confusion or he's exaggerating himself to mock you, you've no idea, "Dead? Do you see any reapers, y/n?" He asks, arms out as he turns around, as if he was looking for them himself, "You're funny, or maybe just stupid...Either way, no you're not dead."

"Dean!" You hear Sam call, "DEAN GET OVER HERE, NOW!"

Lucifer smiles when he hears the panic in Sam's voice. You turn to look at Sam, only to see him trying to shake you awake, calling your name. Dean comes running over, and checks you for a wound of any kind, and quickly becomes frustrated when he can't find one. Sam and Dean argue with one another for a good minute before they both finally agree on just getting you back to the car and heading back to the bunker as fast as humanly possible.

"Just, let's just get 'em in the car, alright?!" Dean commands, "Did you see what happened?"

"No, no, I-" Sam's words falter when he sees the angry and disappointed look on Dean's face, but he picks your body up easily, "I was fighting off Heaven's bodyguards Dean, just like you were!"

"I told you to keep an eye on 'em! You were the one that wanted them to come!" Dean argues as he opens the door for Sam to put you in the backseat, "I told you they should stay back at the bunker and work on researching, but nooooo-"

"Dean, they're obviously not dead!" Sam argues back in frustration, "So how about we wait to blame me for it, okay?"

Dean just grumbles as he gets into the car. The sight would've made you smile, if you weren't incorporeally separated from your own body, with still no explanation as the what the fuck happened, or what was even going on. Your gaze is back on Lucifer, this time with less confusion and more anger. Were you just here for his fucking amusement, or was he gonna get to talking? You glare at him, already plotting a way to kill him, and as if reading your thoughts, he puts his hands up in surrender.

"Hey, look," Lucifer begins, "I'll return you to your body, just as soon as I can get what I want."

"Oh yeah?" You question, "And what's that? Jack? A new haircut? Maybe a shower-"

"You wound me," He puts a hand over his heart in faux offense, "Don't worry your pretty head about it, alright?"

"So, what?" You question, crossing your arms, "You're just going to leave my body to rot until who fucking knows how long, just to have some leverage? You expect the maggots to avoid my decaying body just because I asked nicely?"

Lucifer just stares at you for a moment, and you swear you see a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. He sighs out heavily, whining in annoyance before he rolls his eyes and looks back to you.

"Fine," He snaps his fingers, and you feel a part of you...spirit? lurch, "There. Happy?"

"..." You look around, wondering what the Hell he did, before looking back at him like he was fucking insane, "What the hell was that?"

"I'll explain on the way, I'm not staying here until the sun rises just chatting with you," He ushers you forward, and you comply, mostly because what else were you gonna do? "Come on, there we go."

He raises his hand to snap his fingers a bit, before a thought crosses his mind, and he squints before looking down at you.

"Uh, hold your breath," Lucifer warns, "Otherwise you'll find out what astral projected spirit-vomit looks like."

You shoot him another crazed look before listening to him, and just as you start to wonder what the hell he was talking about, he snaps his fingers and suddenly you're teleported to his throne room. Ah, that makes sense now, Cas would tell you something similar. You also recall Dean mentioning something about angelic teleportation and constipation as a side effect.

Back at the bunker, Sam and Dean had managed to get you--or, rather, your body--back inside. Sam had set you on a couch nearby so that they could keep an eye on you while they tried to research what was going on with you. It just...didn't make sense. You had a pulse, a weak one, but a pulse nevertheless. There was no wounds, no blood no signs of some kind of spell, no hex bags, nothing. Not even a sign of a struggle. So what gives?

A couple hours had passed in mostly silence, occasionally broken up by one of the brothers chiming in with an idea, and the other shooting it down because you didn't have any of the symptoms. Poor Jack was also confused, but he was still trying his best to help Sam and Dean come up with an answer within the many books of the bunker.

Suddenly, without any hint or warning, you had sat up from the couch. The boys didn't notice you at first, until you had passed behind Sam, and Dean's hunter instincts kicked in. He looked up, and his eyes nearly bulged out of his skull. He kicks his brother to get his attention, and Sam looks up in confusion, only to see what he was looking at and grow even more confused.

"Uh," Sam begins as he grabs your arm to stop you, "Woah, woah, slow down,"

"Yeah," Dean chimes in as you turn around with a raised brow, "What the hell happened to you?"

You simply shrug, "I'm not a fucking oracle, I don't know."

The response nearly gives them whiplash, you never talked like that. Dean's first idea was that you were possessed, and Sam puts a hand out to stop Dean moving to get his gun.

"Okay, okay," He speaks, thinking you're angry, "Do you remember anything?"

"I remember this place sucks," You shrug again, your tone flat and emotionless, "And that there's leftovers in the fridge I'd kill for right now."

"Oookay," Sam speaks cautiously, and the familiar sound of wings can be heard before a familiar presence enters the room, "So, you're okay?"

"I dunno, I guess?" You shrug again, "I could go for some cake right now."

"Okay, what the hell?" Dean chimes in again, "I thought you were dead!"

"Just wishful thinking."

"I feel I have missed something." Castiel announces a bit awkwardly.

"Y/N was dead, but now they're not." Jack explains with a smile.

"Wow! The miracle of life!" You roll your eyes and yank your arm out of Sam's grip, "I'm going to go make me something to eat, since the Brady Bunch is all caught up."

With that, you had left the room, and Castiel watched silently as you left. His eyes squinted for a moment, analyzing you before you disappeared into the kitchen. This was not good news. You were soulless, and given that Sam, Dean, and Jack were all confused as to what happened to you in the first place, Castiel is doubtful that they know who did it to you. The good news is that there's not a whole lot of candidates that could've done it.

A lot of people are dead.

Not that dead is a good thing, but it is in this instance. The bad news, is that really, it's just the one person he's suspicious of, and if it is that person, then there's no way they're returning your soul without something in return. He dreads to think of what Lucifer could want in exchange for your very soul. Oh boy.

"I know what is wrong," Castiel announces as he comes out of his thoughts, realizing Sam and Dean were arguing with each other again.

They both look to the angel, who quietly looks back at them.

Dean rolls his eyes, "Alright, you gonna tell us, sparky?" He shoots Castiel a look, who nods.

"Yes." Castiel takes in a breath, "Y/N is soulless, and given our short pool of candidates to choose from these days, I suspect it to be Lucifer's doing."

Sam and Dean were both quiet for a moment, looking to each other like they were having a silent conversation.

"You can do that?" Jack asks, and Castiel hesitates.

"Your father can, yes."

#supernatural #y/n #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #team free will #tfw x reader #lucifer x reader #lucifer #x reader #imagine #blurb #idk at this point ?#just a lil thang i wrote XD #jack kline

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aurorawest · 6 months

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The Scottish Boy by Alex de Campi - 5/5 stars

This book managed to rip my heart out at least 3 times. I loved it. Medieval enemies-to-lovers slow burn; very romantic. Kinda read like fanfiction at times but in a good way. 10/10 would read a follow-up love story about Arundel and Captain Wekena. If you like Captive Prince, give this one a try.

Reforged by Seth Haddon - 4/5 stars

Pretty good bodyguard romantasy. Ironically CS Pacat blurbed this one (another am-I-in-the-matrix moment). The world was interesting and I enjoyed the politics, though they're definitely not as complicated as other SFF politics I've gone feral over (see: Captive Prince, Winter's Orbit, A Memory Called Empire). I ordered the sequel after I finished this.

The Doctor's Date by Heidi Cullinan - 4/5 stars

A Power Unbound by Freya Marske - 5/5 stars

Where do I start? I love, love, LOVE A Marvellous Light. It's one of my favorite books ever. None of the rest of the books in the trilogy could live up to it, really, because it's so good. You'll notice I rated this one 5 stars though, because quite honestly I fell prey to a bit of The Academy Paying The Lord of the Rings Trilogy Its Due syndrome. I did love this book and thought it was better than A Restless Truth (which I still loved!) but part of that is, quite frankly, just due to the fact that I prefer m/m romance to f/f romance.

Anyway. This was such a good finale to the trilogy. I loved that the romance was a giant middle finger to purity cultists. I loved that one of the mains was Italian. I loved finally getting the story of what happened to the Alston twins. One thing I thought was really cool was how, viewed from the outside, you totally get why Edwin is such a loner. I really admire from a writing perspective how Marske pulled that off.

I feel like there's a lot to be said about what Marske was trying to SAY with this book, but I definitely need to reread it first before I can articulate any of it. The purity culture stuff is obvious, but the magic system too. I feel like Jack when he's almost able to connect everything in his mind into a bigger idea, but he can't quite get there.

I've got a special edition from Illumicrate coming, so I'll be rereading it when I have that.

Oh also, this book was the embodiment of all that one tumblr post -

The Guncle by Steven Rowley - 5/5 stars

I saw this in bookstores for years before I finally gave in and bought it. The blurb makes it sound insufferable and twee. Ignore the blurb. This was such a good book about grief and learning how to live again after terrible loss.

I Like Me Better by Robby Weber - 4/5 stars

At last I can stop getting the Lauv song stuck in my head whenever I set eyes on this book (it's stuck in my head as I type this). Pretty standard-issue YA, but it was cute and had a good message.

The Stagsblood King by Gideon E Wood - 4/5 stars

Another book about moving on from grief! This is the second book in a trilogy. When I was trying to determine if I wanted to read on beyond book 1, I scoured the internet for information about what happens in books 2 and 3. Eventually I decided, hell, I enjoyed book 1 well enough, even if what I want to happen in the rest of the trilogy doesn't happen, they're worth reading. SO, to that end, I will tell anyone looking for info that Tel gets romantically involved with a new man in this one, which, eh. I still want him to somehow end up with Vared. It was still quite good though.

In the Lives of Puppets by TJ Klune - DNF at pg 82

So funnily, we were at the bookstore the day I was about to start reading this, and my wife pointed out Ravensong (also by Klune) to me and said, "Do you have this one?" I made a face and said, "That's an older one of his books and I'm wary of his early work after that horrible Verania series. I don't think I've ever read an author as hit or miss as TJ Klune."

I wrote the above when I was 60 pages in and now I have officially DNFed this. Listen. You know how in Thor: Love and Thunder, Taika Waititi was clearly given free rein to do whatever he wanted, so all of his worst impulses made it to the final cut unchecked? Yeah. That's what this book is like.

Here's my Storygraph review: I see Klune is officially Too Big To Edit now. This book has exactly the same problem that his awful Verania series had—a joke that's funny at first but quickly grows tiresome when it's repeated five times per page. The emphasis on Victor's asexuality was also weird and read like Klune was just super proud of himself for writing an ace character.

Lion's Legacy by LC Rosen - 4.25/5 stars

Queer, YA Indiana Jones, but less #problematic. This book had some eerie similarities to my own archaeology adventure novel(s), which made me wonder half-seriously if I somehow know Lev Rosen? Anyway, I feared this would be very heavy-handed and not nuanced on archaeology's ethical dilemmas, since it's YA and also the current culture is to view said dilemmas as completely black and white with no nuance, but I was pleasantly surprised. It manages to examine that, queerness, and daddy issues, plus has time to be a genuinely fun and exciting adventure story. Highly recommend.

Too White to be Coloured, Too Coloured to be Black by Ismail Lagardien - 4/5 stars

I picked up this memoir in a bookstore at OR Tambo airport in Johannesburg as research for Six Places to Fall in Love, since Percy is coloured. A pretty brutal read, but good, and definitely good research. The author was a photographer and journalist through the most violent years of apartheid.

The Splendid and the Vile by Erik Larson - 5/5 stars

Two nonfiction books in a row?? This is the second book by Erik Larson I've read, the first being the excellent The Devil in the White City. I'm not, in general, all that interested in WWII when it comes to military history, but this book is about the day to day lives of Churchill and the people surrounding him (with brief stops to visit FDR and high-ranking Nazis sprinkled throughout). This is a very, very good book, and I recommend reading it if only as a reminder of the resilience and bravery of ordinary people under terrifying circumstances.

Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh - 5/5 stars

Holy shit. Holy shit is this book good. Imagine the love child of Lost, Person of Interest, and Battlestar Galactica, but queer and with multiverse shenanigans thrown in.

I need everyone to read this book. Now. Yesterday. Get to it.

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karoochui · 5 months

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I just wanted to say I am so enamoured with Binary Insurgence! I eat up everything, every little crumb, you drop about it and the entire idea is so interesting to me! I'm so in love with stories and worlds like this! I'm also curious to know about the relationship between Sun and Moon, if it's alright to ask. How was it before the fire compared to after? Does their relationship begin to mend (because I'm certain over the years it deteriorated) when y/n comes back into the picture? If any of this is too spoilery or you just haven't fleshed it out yet then you don't have to answer! I'm just super curious about the boys and how you see their dynamic/relationship. I just look forward to seeing how their bond has grown and/or broken and how it may be mended over time.

AHH im glad you like it so much!! Im happy to talk about what i've got, but you are right not everything is fully fleshed out. I have points i wanna get to but while im brainstorming and planning i make up a lot of stuff as i go and then go over it again later to see if i like it or can connect stuff in any way. I have 3 chapters for Arc 1 fully summarized as of now! (Which probably doesn't seem like a lot but i like my chapters long, so it's quite a bit actually).

I wanna say, too, that i'm planning for the first story to be more in the perspective of the reader, so most things about Sun and Moon's personal thoughts and feelings are gonna be more implied than said. I might have some switching points of view, i'm not sure, but i haven't found a place i'd do it or think it's relevant. The sequel is gonna be more from their perspective since it'll mostly be about them.

NOW! I see Sun and Moon as brothers, so they really treat each other in a way that's like that. Before the fire they get along pretty well. Most instances of issue would be when Moon blocks out Sun when he fronts, or just mutual panic over the fact Moon lost his shit w/ the virus. They'll have their disagreements about things (i havent planned specifics yet) but generally they're chill. Sun just worries about Moon hurting people, but Moon worries too. With the way the virus functions in this AU it's hard for Sun to fully fault Moon for what he does, especially because he's also affected by it but not nearly as bad. (I'm gonna explain this more in another ask i have).

Plus, even before the virus they were always glitch/bug-ridden because technicians fucked up their programming continuously after removing them from the theater to work in the daycare. So they had to kinda navigate through that together, glitches and errors on both ends (though not deadly). They hate P&S bc of this, obviously. Hardware fixes suck but they fucking HATE software examinations.

Later on though some issues come into play whenever Sun starts getting worse by being further exposed to the virus (it gets worse for him when they eclipse) because it presents itself in Sun differently than it does Moon. He gets snappier and angrier at times (that comic i made that's captioned "well someones snappy") and while they both understand he doesnt mean the shit he does it's still not great. And nobody's gonna just let themselves be talked to like a dog even if the reason it's happening is because of something the other person can't really help. They're still relatively fine at this point, though.

It's at the end when shit goes really bad, because this part of the story does end badly. I won't spoil specifics but after the fire Sun loses his shit. He starts trying to put the blame on Moon for everything (the virus enhancing his already bad habits/fucking with his line of thinking) out of grief and anger. That carries over into the apocalypse and he just gets worse in general. He gets irrational.

It's a long period of time though, so he eventually also manages it, in his own way. But! I did say before in an ask that in the sequel he's "not evil, persay, but he's a fucking nut". He damns Moon to an hourglass to just fucking get rid of him about 100~ years before they meet you again (he fully thinks he's in the right for this (and he also just hates him) and the only reason he really even stayed around after that was to make sure Moon didn't get out again). He's not a bad-intentioned individual, but he's off the fucking wall at many times bc of the virus having made him worse. He's stubborn as all hell to an infuriating degree, he's irrational, hard-headed, reckless, and while a good bit of his old, kinder self is still pretty prevalent he can be downright fucking mean if provoked. Again, worse than before, and it doesn't take much these days! I always imagined him to have more dramatic, snappy, diva aspects to his personality (even before Help Wanted 2 came out) bc hes so theatrical and intense, so basically take a Sun that's like that, crank it up to 100 and put him in a Bad Situation. That's what Round 2 Sun is like at his worst. He's not a complete lost cause though, and he's far from dumb when he does stuff, just clouded by his own judgement. He doesn't think anything's wrong with him (or does he?).

Moon doesn't really hate him like Sun hates Moon, because although he knows that what happened (the ending of the first story) is technically both of their faults he just feels guilt. They do fight a lot, though. Most of it is Moon trying his best to tell Sun that he's basically full of shit and not seeing things right after Sun starts something, but Sun's at the point where he's gotta learn by consequence. Part of the reason he's so bad is bc 1: hes been infected by the virus for so long now and 2: in his grief, anger, and resentment he's learned to live with it rather than fighting it.

But the sequel is gonna be a feel-good story! Falling in love w/ the reader all over again, i want things to get cleared up - or at least some kind of middle ground between Sun and Moon - the whole sha-bang.

#my asks #binary resurgence: round 2 au #binary resurgence

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rickie-the-storyteller · 7 months

Text

Incorrect Quotes Tag Game - Ships Edition (Part 2)

It’s been a while since I last did this. Link to the incorrect quote generator:

And link to part 1 of this:

I’ve been starting to share more of the Steph’s Crew sequels with you all (UVC in particular), and there are so many more ships to explore in them. I only did 2 ships last time… the two main ones of TMM. So I think I’ll do 2 more here - Dalice (Dylan + Alice) and Chelise (Charlie and Elise). The two ships from last time are still pretty big ships in the sequel, btw. I just want to explore some different ships/characters this time around.

Here we go!!

Dalice:

Alice: I love you. Dylan: How many people have you said that to? Alice: Everyone. Dylan: What? Alice: I told everyone that I love you.

___

Alice: PEASANT. I REQUIRE SUSTENANCE. Dylan: You know there are other ways to say you want McDonalds. Alice: FOUL PLEBEIAN. YOU DARE SPEAK AGAINST ME— Dylan: *sigh* What do you want? Alice: Chicken nuggets please.

___

Dylan: I would let you ruin my life. Alice: Sorry, but I’m busy ruining my own. You’ll have to wait.

___

Dylan to Alice: Turn that frown upside-down! (a little while later) Dylan: What are you doing? Alice, trying to do a handstand: You told me to “turn that frown upside-down” but it’s not working!

___

Dylan: This is a bad idea. Alice: Then why are you coming along? Dylan: Someone has to help get your injured ass home.

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Alice, texting Dylan: Any plans for tonight? Dylan: No. Alice: HA! Loser.

___

Alice: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out! Dylan: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way? Alice: I don't know, surprise me!

___

Chelise:

Charlie: They don’t make them like me no more. I’m the last of my kind. Elise: Thank God...

___

Elise: You know, when I first met you, I really didn’t like you. Charlie, after a moment: …I thought there was going to be another half to that sentence? Elise: Nope! That’s it.

___

Charlie: Hey. Elise: *pissed off* You… complete …ASS, Charlie!! You show up here after WEEKS, and you say “hey”?!

___

Elise: Oh shoot! Elise: Um. Excuse my vulgarity. Charlie: I’ll let it slide.

___

Charlie: El is playing hard to get… Charlie: Little does she know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

___

Charlie: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No progress whatsoever. Elise: Wow. They sound really stupid. Charlie: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense. Elise: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!” Charlie: I guess you’re right. Hey El, I love you. Elise: See! Like that! Just say that. Charlie: *frustrated* Holy fucking shit. Elise: If that flies over their head then, sorry Charles, but they're too dumb for you. Charlie: Elise-

___

Elise: Hey. So, about that love letter you sent me… Charlie: *blushes* Oh. W-what are your thoughts? Elise: The fourth sentence- Charlie: Yeah, that’s where I got really deep and emotional and I- Elise: It’s “you’re,” not “your”.

___

And we’re done! Woo-hoo!

Maybe I’ll do an update version of the Bephanie and Brelise incorrect quotes as well lol. This was fun! (I think my fave is the third Chelise one… reminds me of Harry Potter lol)

I’m also planning to do a part 3 for Rachel and Gordon at some point.

Anyways, I’m tagging these folks to do it next:

@mysticstarlightduck, @fire-but-ashes-too, @exquisitecrow, @toribookworm22, @winterandwords, @aziz-reads, @sam-glade, @waywardwizzard, @janec23, @rbbess110, @clairelsonao3, @ember-writer, @harleyacoincidence, and @writinglittlebeasts. Plus anyone else who wants to do it is welcome to. 🤗

Let me know what your favourite incorrect quotes were!

#rickie-the-storyteller #writerblr #writing #steph's crew #tag game #incorrect quotes

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sarah-in-disguise · 2 years

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Free

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader (past), Bucky Barnes x Female Reader (present)

Warnings: pregnant reader, time in a hospital, a super brief mention of childbirth, character dies of old age, a few swear words, and a little angst with lots of fluff

Summary: Building a life with Bucky has been everything you could’ve dreamed and more. When Steve wants to give you and Bucky closure, will you take it?

Word Count: 6399 (this got way out of hand, but I couldn’t stop!)

A/N: After seeing people enjoy Run, I decided to write up a sequel tying up a few loose ends. Since this is Run’s sequel, you should definitely take a few minutes to read that first. At the end of the day, I’m just a sucker for all the angst followed by all the fluff. Lastly, there are two written letters referenced in this. Both of them are italicized so they stick out. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do NOT consent to have my work posted, translated or published to any third-party site or app. This is a work of fiction and I do not own any characters in this story. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer. Moodboard picture sources are Google and Canva.

Make sure to check out my masterlist!

“Bucky?” After a few seconds without a response, you let out a huff and try once again to get up. You’ve been trying to get out of this rocking chair on your front porch for the last five minutes, but your giant stomach makes everything harder these days. With another kick to your bladder, you rock yourself back and forth a few more times hoping momentum will work in your favor.

It doesn’t.

“BUCK!” Finally, you hear a crash followed by rushed footsteps. Bursting through the front door, Bucky skids to a stop in front of you. It’s a few days away from your due date, and he’s extra jumpy because of it.

“What do you need? Is it time? Do we need to go to the hospital?”

“No, Bucky, I need you to help me out of this chair.” You wince as your daughter delivers another swift kick inside you while Bucky helps you up. “If your daughter doesn’t stop kicking soon, I may need to live in the bathroom until she comes out.”

With one hand on your arm and one on the small of your back, Bucky guides you inside and to the bathroom. “How come whenever she’s making you uncomfortable, she’s my daughter?” A smirk grows on Bucky’s face before he continues. “Last time I checked, you had just as much to do with this as I did.”

You sigh in relief as the bathroom comes into view. “Because until she’s made it to the outside world and we can take equal responsibility for her, she’s yours when she’s annoying.”

Bucky lets out a chuckle before pausing at the bathroom door. “Fair enough. Are you good from here?”

“Yes, but can you get me something to eat while you wait? Sarah brought over those brownies earlier. Do we still have ice cream?” Before Bucky can respond, you have another idea. “Oh, and can you crumble potato chips on the top? And add a drizzle of chocolate syrup!”

“Are you feeling OK?” Bucky puts his hand on your forehead like he’s checking your temperature. Another sly smirk appears before he adds, “that’s the most normal pregnancy craving you’ve had in months.”

You scoff as you shut the bathroom door. “Remember, your baby, Barnes!” Thankful for the railings Bucky and Sam temporarily installed in your bathroom a few months ago, you do your business in peace and hoist yourself up to wash your hands.

As you settle into the couch and wait for Bucky to return with your latest craving, you think back to how you got where you are today - new house, new husband, and baby on the way.

After making the decision to settle in Louisiana, you spent about a month looking at houses. When you couldn’t find the perfect place to settle, Sarah offered some of her and Sam’s family property to build on. Both Bucky and Sam were hesitant about living so close together, but you, Sarah, Cass, and AJ quickly convinced them it was exactly what you needed.

A few months later when the foundation was poured, Bucky brought you over for a sunset picnic to celebrate being one step closer to finishing the house. After a bad pun comparing your relationship to the house foundation, Bucky was down on one knee. You couldn’t say no to Bucky (or his bad puns), and a few weeks later you were married in front of your immediate family, the Wilson’s, and a few of your close friends.

When you started to feel sick a few weeks later on your honeymoon, you did the math and realized you were late. After a few too many rounds of “what are you late for, beautiful?”, Bucky sprinted to the nearest pharmacy to pick up every brand of pregnancy test he could find. He insisted you take all five and all five came back positive. You were both ecstatic - after all, if you were going to make changes in your life, why not go all in?

While you enjoyed the celebrations, there were still rough moments to work through. Bucky had made progress with Dr. Raynor but there were still nights he woke up with memories he’d rather forget. He also had doubts about becoming the father your baby deserved, but you shot those thoughts down pretty quickly.

On the flip side, Bucky was there for your moments of uncertainty. You had moved past the majority of things Steve did - after all, it’s what led you to the life you’ve built with Bucky. What was harder to get past was the doubt that crept in. You knew Steve had left to build a life with Peggy, but not knowing the full reason sometimes kept you up at night. Was it because she would be a better wife? Or maybe he didn’t think you would be a good mother. Thankfully, Bucky was just as fast to calm your nerves and remind you how much you meant to him and your soon to be family of three.

A few months later, you mutually decided to find out if you were having a boy or a girl. You’d never seen Bucky get as emotional as when you found out you were expecting a beautiful and healthy baby girl. Unfortunately, that excitement faded when your doctor started asking about Bucky’s serum. After bringing Dr. Cho in to run additional tests, Bucky was relieved that the only thing your baby inherited from his serum was a slightly increased growth rate and a watered-down version of his super strength. You were not so relieved when that transferred into an extra large baby to carry and intense kicks as your daughter tried to escape her cramped living quarters.

After that doctor appointment, Bucky and Sam put in extra hours with the construction crew to get your house ready as soon as possible. The house was finished about a month ago giving you plenty of time to unpack, nest, and get ready for your baby girl.

All these events led to this evening and trying (and failing) to get comfortable on your extra large, super-soldier sized couch. Bucky walked around the corner with two bowls just in time to see you wince as you tried to find a spot that gave you any relief. After handing you a bowl, Bucky eased down next to you. “I think after we’re done eating, it’s time for a bath and a massage.” You couldn’t stop the smile forming on your face. You were definitely living your best life with Bucky.

Before you could get too excited, your doorbell rings. With a quick kiss to your forehead, Bucky was running to grab the door. To your surprise, you heard Bucky greet Sam and welcome him into the house. On his way to sit down in the armchair across from you, Sam stops by Bucky’s bowl to sneak a bite of ice cream.

“Hey, birdbrain, hands off the ice cream!” You can’t help but giggle at these two as Bucky snatches the spoon back from Sam and settles down next to you on the couch. “Why are you here, anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be on a mission for the next few weeks?”

Right away, you can sense something is wrong. In the past year you’ve found you can always depend on Sam for providing a sense of calm. He says it’s from his training and working with the veteran’s support groups all those years ago, but you can tell he’s always been that way. He’s the easiest-going person you knew, and you were always grateful to have another calming presence in your life.

Tonight, however, Sam was on edge. Glancing over at Bucky, you could tell he could feel it, too.

“Sam,” you start, “we can both tell something is wrong. What’s going on?”

Sam makes eye contact with you for a few seconds before heaving out a deep sigh. “I don’t know how to bring this up, so here it goes. It’s about Steve.”

Slinging an arm around your shoulders, Bucky squeezes your arm to get your attention. “You OK to talk about this, beautiful? I can talk to Sam by myself if you want me to.”

After a few seconds you let out your own deep sigh. “I’m fine, Buck.” You place a comforting hand on his thigh and squeeze gently before you look back to Sam. “You haven’t mentioned Steve once since we left the Avengers.” Your line of vision drops down to your large stomach and your hand starts rubbing your bump. “I’m guessing that means this is important, right?”

“Hey,” Sam says, causing you to look back up at him. “Bucky’s right. We don’t have to talk about him if you don’t want to. I know you’re at a place where you can put all that behind you, so if you want to leave it that way, we can.”

Shaking your head, you push back. “Sam, you brought it up so we’re going to talk about it. What is it?”

Before Sam continues, he digs two letters out of his pocket and hands them to you. You see your name on one envelope and Bucky’s on the other - both written in Steve’s flowing script. Handing Bucky his letter, you look back over at Sam so he can continue.

“I’m giving you these letters because Steve isn’t doing well. The last time you saw him, he still had serum running through his body. In the few months after that he started to get weaker at a pretty rapid pace.” At that revelation, Bucky sucks in a breath. You’ve had a few conversations with Bucky wondering how his serum would impact his health later in life, but no one really knew what to expect.

“Bruce and Dr. Cho did some tests, and Steve’s serum was starting to deteriorate.” Sam pauses to take a deep breath before he continues. “They anticipated he would make it a few more years but he’s really taken a downhill turn in the past few weeks.”

You can feel Bucky deflate next to you. Steve put you through hell after making the decision to live in the past, but that doesn’t change the fact that Steve was Bucky’s best friend.

Trying to give Bucky a few minutes to process this, you ask another question. “Why are you telling us this now?”

Sam looks down to the floor before responding. “While I’ve been out on missions the past few years, I’ve been taking extra time to stop in and check on Steve.” Bucky immediately tenses up beside you, but you’re quick to squeeze his leg to keep him grounded. “I know it sounds like I was sneaking around behind your backs, but you two are doing so well right now. I didn’t need to mess that up and you didn’t deserve to have Steve mess it up, either.”

It doesn’t surprise you that Bucky’s gone silent. Even though his mask has been gone for over a decade, Hydra spent years conditioning him to stay silent. While he’s made progress and shed most of that conditioning, you’ve noticed when he’s overwhelmed the first wall to go back up is his silence.

Knowing Bucky will need more time before he’s ready to talk, you turn your focus back to Sam. “It’s OK Sam, but I’m still confused. Why are you telling us about this now?”

“When I first started to visit Steve, the only ground rule I made was that I wasn’t going to be a middleman. It’s not my place to give him insight on how either of you are doing. To this day, Steve doesn’t know that you two are married or that you’re expecting. When I was in New York to visit Steve earlier today he asked if I was still in touch with either of you. He knows he doesn’t have much time left, but he wanted me to give you these letters and tell you there wasn’t any pressure to read them. He just wanted to make sure if you wanted closure someday, you knew where to find it.”

Looking back down at the letter in your hand, you’re surprised when your vision starts to blur with tears. Closure is something that you’ve been longing for - a reason to justify everything Steve put you through. Now that it was in your hands you didn’t know what to do with it.

When your soft sniffles don’t bring Bucky back to the present, Sam grabs you a few tissues from the bathroom. You dry your eyes before you respond. “Thanks, Sam, but I think we just need some time to talk. Can I walk you out?”

With a scoff and a sparkle in his eyes, he responds. “Are you serious, woman? Can you even get yourself off that couch right now?”

With a laugh you launch a pillow in his direction that hits him in the back of the head. “One of these days I won’t be nine months pregnant, Wilson. You better watch it!”

Before he walks out the door, Sam pauses to turn around and face you again. “Remember, what you do with those letters is up to you. Steve owes you closure but you don’t owe him anything. Only you know what’s best for you.” With that, Sam bids you goodnight and heads back to his house.

After you take a few extra minutes to finish your ice cream, you move around in an attempt to find a comfortable position on the couch. All of your wriggling brings Bucky back to the present, and he suggests taking this conversation somewhere more comfortable. A few minutes later you find yourself in your oversized tub. Melting back into Bucky’s warm embrace, you start the conversation you both know you need to have.

“What are you thinking, Buck?” You absentmindedly start drawing shapes on your stomach. After a few minutes of silence, you turn your head to try to catch his line of sight. “James, are you OK?” The use of his real name breaks him out of his train of thought. He leans down to give you a quick peck on the lips before he answers.

“I think so. Honestly, it’s a lot to think about, you know?” You sit for a few more moments while he organizes his thoughts. “Steve was such a big part of both of our lives. You had every reason to cut him out after everything he did, but if we’re being honest, I’ve been thinking about reaching out to him again.”

You knew your husband would do anything for you, but at this moment you can’t help but feel guilty. “You didn’t cut off ties with Steve because of me, did you? That was never my intention. The two of you have been best friends for decades, and I never want to be the reason - ”

“Hey, hey, no - nothing like that. I know you would never do that. It was my decision to step back because of how he handled things after returning the stones. Lately, I keep thinking about telling Steve about all the good things in my life. He believed in me when no one else did and knew I was still somewhere in here after everything Hydra did. He was constantly saving my ass and reminding me I deserved happiness. For the last month or so I’ve felt like it was time to reach out and reconnect and tell him about my new life.” A sad smile crosses Bucky’s face before he continues. “He’s a punk, but he’s my punk, you know?”

“I get that.” You face forward so you can fully relax back into Bucky’s hold. Bucky’s hands travel down to brush over your stomach causing your daughter’s kicks to come to life. You both giggle for a few seconds before he nuzzles his nose into your hair and inhales your floral shampoo. “If we’re both being honest,” you add, “there are some days I’d like to thank him for leading me to you. I don’t know if I’m ready to be his best friend or anything - “

“That’s my job anyway, beautiful.”

“Don’t worry, I know it is - but I do think you’re right. It might be time to open these letters. What’s that saying, again? It’s time to bury the hatchet?” You turn your head to look at your husband and immediately spot the glint in his eyes.

“And if we bury the hatchet and he turns on us again,” he smiles, “you know where I’ve hidden the knives.”

Rolling your eyes with a groan, you respond. “What am I going to do with you, Mr. Barnes?”

His belly laugh shakes you and your baby starts to kick at the sudden movement. “It’s too late, Mrs. Barnes. You’re stuck with me.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Buck.” You seal the sweet sentiment with a kiss before a particularly hard kick to your bladder signals it’s time to get out of the tub. Bucky helps you out and dries you off before leaving you in the bathroom to do your business. By the time you’ve joined him in the bedroom a few minutes later, he’s wearing a pair of boxer briefs and is already rubbing your favorite lotion between his hands to warm it up. Laying down, you let him massage away your aches and pains before throwing on one of his old shirts and moving to lean up against the headboard.

Before joining you, Bucky runs downstairs to grab the letters. Once he’s settled in next to you, he hands you your letter with a kiss and throws an arm around your shoulder so you can tuck into his side. Taking a deep breath, you unfold your letter and start reading.

Sweetheart,

I have a lot of things I want to say to you in this letter, but I’ll start by saying thank you. After all the pain I’ve caused, I wouldn’t blame you for ripping this letter to shreds. Instead, you’re taking another chance on me, even though I don’t deserve it.

In the past few months, I’ve tried to write this letter at least a dozen times. Each time I’ve had to stop because it’s never good enough. I don’t know if this attempt is going to be better than the others, but I’m running out of time to try. I’m sure by now Sam has told you my serum is deteriorating, but I’m mostly at peace with it. I’ve lived a full life - one that is longer than many others will get to experience. But with life comes regrets, and unfortunately, most of mine involve you.

The first apology I’d like to make is for my actions last year at the compound. I had so much I wanted to say to you but cornering you and physically restraining you on a balcony wasn’t the way to do it. For decades I’ve heard women tell horror stories about men forcing them into situations against their will, and that night I didn’t realize that was exactly what I was doing to you.

Before I explain my side of the story, I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for taking a chance on me and loving me with your whole heart. Thank you for being by my side through all the good times, bad times, and everything in between. Thank you for fighting alongside me, and most importantly, thank you for helping me fight for Bucky. Thank you for giving up everything to go on the run with me. Lastly, thank you for believing in me and showing me I’m worthy of the love others give.

When I crashed that plane in the 40’s, I lost everyone and everything I knew. Losing to Thanos felt like I was repeating history all over again. With one snap, I lost everyone for the second time in my life. I didn’t think I had it in me to start all over again, and that feeling stayed with me for years after you disappeared.

When we found a way to go back in time for the stones, I wasn’t prepared to see Peggy. Sure, when I came out of the ice I played the “what if” game. What if I found a place to land the plane instead of crashing it into the water? What if I could’ve lived my life with Peggy? All those questions seemed so far-fetched, and after I met you, I didn’t think about them as often as I used to. But thanks to time travel, I was standing less than ten feet away from the love of my life. All those questions and feelings came running back, and I couldn’t stop them.

At that moment, I made a realization that wasn’t easy to accept - while I loved you, I was never going to be in love with you in the way I was with Peggy. I made a promise to myself in that office that after we brought everyone back, I was going to be honest with you. Unfortunately, I wasn’t strong enough to keep that promise.

Looking back, I should’ve told you about my plans to stay in the past before I told Bucky. I thought breaking it to him would be easier. While he put on a brave face and said he understood why I was going back, I could see he was heartbroken by my decision. After that I convinced myself it would be better to not tell you so I could save you from heartbreak in the moment. Selfishly, I thought if you saw how happy I was, you would understand why I didn’t come back to you.

Believe it or not, Peggy was first to point out my horrible decision. We were newly engaged when she asked if I’d had other relationships in the future. When she realized I left you without ending our engagement or explaining why I went to live my life in the past, she almost walked away. After all, if I did that to you, what was stopping me from doing the same thing to her?

Later in life, we sat down with our kids to tell them who I really was and how I ended up back in the past. Every child has that moment when they realize their parents aren't perfect and telling them what I did to you was that moment for them.

Now that you know what happened, there are so many things I need to apologize for. I’m sorry for not telling you I saw Peggy during my time travels. I’m sorry for denying anything was wrong leading up to my mission to return the stones. I’m sorry for telling Bucky what my plans were and not telling you. I’m sorry for taking advantage of you the night before the mission so I could spend one last night with you. I’m sorry for saying goodbye without telling you I wasn’t coming back to you. I’m sorry you had to find out about these decisions by watching me reappear as an old man while wearing a wedding ring that wasn’t yours. Lastly, I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to get you the apology you deserved.

I’m never going to forgive myself for the pain I’ve caused you and I’ll never expect you to forgive me, but there are some people who deserve your forgiveness. Knowing you, I bet you’ve already forgiven them, but that isn’t stopping me from asking.

Please forgive Bucky for not telling you I was staying back to start a life with Peggy. He was insistent I tell you about my plans before I left to return the stones, and I lied and told him I would. I never should have put him in that situation.

I also hope you can forgive Sam. I decided when he first started visiting that it was better to keep it from you instead of causing you more pain, and I didn’t give him much choice.

My hope for you is that you find someone who deserves you and can give you everything I couldn’t. Someone who will show you the difference between loving someone and being in love, and someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve. Lastly, I hope you find someone you can build a home and family with because I know you will make the best wife and mother.

Love, Steve

The moment you finished the letter, you felt lighter. You finally had closure, and that realization caused any remaining insecurities to flow out of you with the tears streaming down your face.

After pulling your face up and brushing away your tears, Bucky broke the silence. “Do you want to talk about it?” With a nod, you take his hand in yours and start talking.

“In the past few years, you helped me pick up the shattered pieces of my heart. Together, we put them back together and you poured all your love and trust into loving me and healing the cracks Steve left behind. You made me whole again, Buck, but there was one small crack left - a crack that wasn’t your responsibility to heal.” Looking down and squeezing his hand, you continue. “This crack caused all those insecurities about being a good wife, a good mother, and being the best version of myself. The one that you deserve.”

At your pause, Bucky grabs your chin to tilt your face up to him. Drying a few more of your tears, he gives you a quick kiss before you carry on.

“This letter filled that crack and gave me the closure I needed.” With a watery giggle, you continue. “Who knew closure was so fulfilling, right?!”

That caused both you and Bucky to laugh and let out any remaining tension from the evening. After you calmed down, Bucky shared that his letter was much the same - apologizing for putting him in a tough situation, asking him to forgive Sam for keeping their visits a secret, and (your personal favorite) asking him to watch over and take care of you. He also wished Bucky the same happiness he wished you. Little did he know you would find that happiness together.

After nodding off twice while having a discussion about reconnecting with Steve, Bucky decides a good night's sleep was more important for you and your baby girl. Without a fight, you say your “goodnights” and “I love you’s” and settle into a restful slumber.

A restful slumber, that is, until you wake up a few hours later to find out your water broke.

Between Bucky’s military background and your knack for overplanning, you have a hospital bag packed and the fastest route to the hospital ready to go. You soon find yourself in your assigned delivery room and just like everything else in your life, delivery happens fast - which is good given the fact epidurals don’t provide much relief when you give birth to serum-enhanced babies.

Bucky felt horrible, but he made up for it by being the best birthing partner. He was ready to dry your tears, give you a hand to squeeze, and provide reassurance every step of the way. Most importantly, he constantly kept his metal hand in a bucket of ice to provide cooling relief when you needed it and took all the swear words you threw at him in stride.

By sunrise, the newest addition to your family was here - Rebecca Lynn Barnes. Quoting Mary Poppins, she is practically perfect in every way, right down to the bright blue eyes from her father.

Sam and Sarah arrive just in time to snap the perfect picture of your new family: you holding Rebecca, Bucky sitting next to you with his flesh arm around your shoulder and metal arm reaching for Rebecca, and Rebecca squeezing one of Bucky’s metal fingers with all her might. The picture perfectly captures Bucky’s joy in realizing Rebecca didn’t fear his arm, and the complete adoration in your eyes as you stare at your amazing husband.

Like many things in life, perfect moments always come to an end. As Bucky rocks Rebecca to sleep, Sam shares the phone call he received on his way to the hospital. Steve took a major turn for the worse overnight and Bruce doesn’t think he’ll make it much longer. After he was done checking in on you, Sam was heading straight to the compound with a quinjet.

Looking over at Bucky, you know exactly what you need to do.

“Bucky, I think you need to go with Sam.” Immediately, three faces filled with shock turn your direction. Making eye contact with Bucky, you continue. “Seriously Buck, we decided just last night we wanted to reconnect with Steve before it was too late. If you don’t go with Sam right now, it might be too late. It will take less than an hour to get up to the compound and back with the quinjet, so even if you only stay in New York for an hour, you’ll be back before lunch.”

“You can’t be serious! You just had a baby. I can’t leave you now.” Bucky looks around the room for backup but isn’t finding any.

“Buck, I hardly got any sleep last night and your daughter is a newborn. We’ll probably both be asleep the whole time you are gone.” Reaching out your hand, Bucky returns to your side. “I won’t push you into something you don’t want to do, but just know that we’ll be fine if you decide to go.”

Turning to face Sarah, you get an idea. “Sarah, are you doing anything this morning?”

Knowing where this is going, she smiles. “Nope. I was planning on sticking around here for a few hours until I have to pick the boys up for their dentist appointments after lunch.”

“Perfect! Sarah can stay here until my parents get here. Their flight lands just before noon.”

Now that you’re wearing a matching smile with Sam and Sarah, you can see Bucky’s resolve cracking. Sitting next to you in bed, Bucky lets out a deep sigh before looking into your eyes. “Are you sure, beautiful? You say the word and I’ll stay.”

Bringing your hand up, you run it through Bucky’s hair a few times before it falls to the back of his head for a few comforting scratches. “We’ll be good, Buck. Think of how we felt last night after reading those letters.” Pausing to give him a smile, you continue. “I can’t go anywhere right now, but you can go and brag about your amazing wife who just gave birth to your perfect daughter.”

With a small laugh, Bucky finally agrees to go. With a last-minute idea, you send Sam to use his charm with the nurses to see if they can print the picture he just took of you and your family. He returns a few minutes later, and while Bucky puts a sleeping Rebecca in her cradle, you grab a pen and write on the back of the picture:

Steve,

I’m sorry I couldn’t come to see you. I’m sure Bucky can fill you in on the reason why.

Even though I can’t be there, I wanted to send a note to thank you.

Thank you for your letter and the closure it provided.

Thank you for each and every time you fought to save Bucky so he could have the wonderful life he deserves.

Most importantly, thank you for leading me exactly where I needed to be. Without you, I wouldn’t be able to share my life with the most amazing husband and our perfect daughter.

Enjoy your time with Buck.

With a few tears in your eyes, you sign your name and hand the picture over to Bucky. After quickly skimming the back, he looks at you with a small smile. Sitting down next to you, he takes your head in his hands to give you one of his famous earth-shattering kisses. When you’re forced to come up for air, you tell him you love him and send him on his way.

After the boys leave, you and Sarah catch up over the breakfast that’s delivered to your room. Not long after you finish, you drift off into a peaceful and much needed sleep.

A few hours later you open your eyes to find Bucky looking out the window with Rebecca in his arms. You soon realize he’s carrying on a conversation with her, filling her in about all the new and wonderful people she’ll get to meet in the next few days. Her tiny yawn triggers a bigger one from you, indicating to Bucky you’re awake. With a big smile he joins you on the hospital bed.

“Hey, sleepyhead. I just got a text from your mom. They landed a few minutes ago and they’re going to drop off their luggage at the house before they come to the hospital.”

Another yawn slips out before you respond. “That sounds good. How long have you been back?”

“About ten minutes. Sarah just left to pick up Cass and AJ.”

After a few minutes of silence, you decide to address the elephant in the room. “So, how was Steve?”

Realizing Rebecca was once again sleeping, Bucky gets up to set her down in her crib before joining you back on the hospital bed. Leaning back, you both turn so you are facing each other before he responds.

“It was really good. By the time we got there he wasn’t very responsive anymore.” When Bucky breaks eye contact, you know it’s going to be hard for both of you to get through this conversation. Reaching out to cup his cheek, you give him a few moments to collect his thoughts before he continues.

“He smiled and said my name when I walked in. After I said it was good to see him, he said your name and I kind of froze. With how fast everything happened in the last twenty-four hours, I didn’t really have time to figure out how to tell him I married his ex-fiancé and we have a kid together.” Although the situation was very serious, you couldn’t stop the snort of laughter from bubbling out of you. Thankfully, Bucky was quick to join in.

“What did you tell him?”

“The truth - I looked him straight in the eye and said, ‘Well, funny story, Steve. We actually got married a few months ago and she gave birth to our daughter earlier this morning.’”

Hiding your face behind your hands, you groan. “Please tell me that was not what you actually said to him.”

“Hey, Sam thought it was funny! After Steve laid there for a few seconds staring at me, I shot a look at Sam to make him stop laughing. I didn’t know what else to do, but thankfully after a few more seconds, Steve finally smiled and said, ‘good.’ I showed him the picture you sent and I talked about how great you were in the delivery room and how wonderful it was to be a dad even though it’s only been a few hours.” Bucky’s smile fades a bit before he goes on. “I told him what you wrote on the back of the picture, too. I could tell he wanted to say more, but all he had the strength to say was ‘thank you.’”

Considering the emotions you had gone through during the last day, it wasn’t a surprise when you could feel tears streaming down your face. After wiping them away, you gave a small “thank you” to Bucky before asking what else they discussed.

Thankfully, this brought a big smile to Bucky’s face. “All of his kids were there, so I got a chance to meet them. We all talked for a long time, and each time I looked down at Steve, he had a smile on his face. When Dr. Cho and Bruce came to check on his vitals and asked him how he was feeling, he responded with ‘happy.’”

“That’s so good to hear. How long were you and Sam able to stay?”

“We stayed for about an hour and a half before he started to look really tired. Sam and I decided it was best to say goodbye and give him time to rest with his family. When we left, he caught my hand and asked ‘happy?’ I told him we were both happy and that I would do everything possible to keep it that way. With a light squeeze to my hand, he said ‘thank you’ and we left.”

You didn’t realize you were holding in a sigh until you let it out, but you were filled with so much relief knowing their visit went well. “I’m so glad you were able to see him, Bucky. Are you thinking you want to go back up later this week to see him again?”

The sad smile on Bucky’s face tells you everything you need to know. “I’m so sorry, beautiful, but we got a call from Dr. Cho on the way back. Steve passed away.” With a fresh set of tears streaming down your face, you cuddle into Bucky’s side in search of comfort. “He fell asleep right after we left and he went peacefully in his sleep.”

After a few minutes, you pull away just enough to look up at Bucky. “I’m sad Steve’s gone, but I’m thankful for everything else that’s happened since last night.”

“Me too, beautiful. I’m so glad I listened to you and got to see him one last time.”

For the next few minutes, you laid together and processed everything from the last few hours. After a while, Bucky broke the silence.

“Did you know Steve named a kid after me?”

Gasping, you look up at him. “He did?”

“Yeah,” you startle hearing Sam’s voice at the door. “And I only got mentioned in a middle name. Can you believe that?”

Leave it to Sam to know exactly how to lighten the mood.

While you wait for your parents to arrive, Bucky and Sam fill you in on Steve and his kids. For the first time in years, you find it freeing to talk about the past without having to stop and dwell on the negative. Who would’ve thought you’d have Steve to thank for that.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x female reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x you

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mamthew · 8 months

Text

I replayed Tales of Zestiria. It took 70 hours and the post-game DLC chapter took another 6.

Tales of Zestiria released at a time when I was big enough into Tales that I pre-ordered Special Editions and asked Gamestop employees if I could keep promotional posters after they were done with them (I still have the posters for Graces and Xillia). This means that Zestiria, as a Tales game on the brand-new PS4 hardware, had me vibrating with excitement and set me back over a hundred dollars. To call the game a disappointment would be underselling it. I skipped meals to afford this game and then couldn't bring myself to bother opening the Blu-ray movie that was packaged in the Special Edition, or to preorder the prequel, Tales of Berseria, two years later. Zestiria was inescapably bad.

Still, I'd expected to come away from this replay a decade later with a new appreciation for the game. I'm better at analyzing art now than I was then, and even bad art can have something interesting to say, even by accident. But the further I dug into this playthrough (which cost me an extra fucking $60, by the way, because my original disc has gone missing and i guess namco cant be bothered to lower their prices on 2015 offerings), the more appalled I was at Zestiria's lack of quality assurance, cut corners, bland story, and infuriating systems. Every Tales game has its fair share of jank. With Zestiria, the publishers clearly assumed this this meant Tales fans' jank threshold is through the sky. And given its 9/10 Steam rating, maybe they guessed correctly.

The best Tales games deconstruct genre tropes by first presenting those tropes at face value, then turning them on their heads halfway in. Symphonia is probably still the clearest example of this, as its Chosen One pilgrimage is revealed to hide something much bigger and more sinister behind it, but most games in the main series do this both with their main story and with one or more party members' individual arcs. The idea behind Zestiria and its prequel Berseria was a novel take on this series staple: have Team Destiny make a game with a doggedly cliche story and have Team Symphonia follow it up with a whole-ass game that turns all those cliches on their heads. I really appreciate this initial idea, and it actually works pretty well, still; Zestiria's story and characters are noticeably more complex and interesting after you've played Berseria and gotten that context.

But. Zestiria is a worse game than Berseria, by far. Once I'd played Berseria, replaying Zestiria to catch the new context was a massive chore, with its frustrating battle system, terrible area design, worse dungeons, and bland characters. It's easy to play Phantasia after its stealth prequel, Symphonia, because Phantasia PSX is fun and polished, and the areas where it is dated don't invite immediate comparison to the same areas in Symphonia. But Zestiria is unfun and unpolished and released only two years before Berseria on the same hardware. Zestiria's status as a sequel is simultaneously the most interesting thing about it and something that makes it even more inexcusable. While I don't know anything about the development of the two games, I can't help but wonder if the existence of Berseria is part of the reason why Zestiria feels so rushed and unfinished. They couldn't release Berseria first without ruining the whole point of the games' connection, for both of them. So if one game was going to have to drop on a strict deadline it would be Zestiria, the more cliche entry that allows for Berseria to function as a deconstruction. Now, though, 6-8 years later, it just means that only one of the two games in this legitimately cool experiment is actually worth a replay.

On its own merits, Zestiria's story is just a cliche. Sorey, our protagonist, is a human raised by Seraphs, elemental spirits invisible to most people. Because Sorey can see Seraphs, he takes on the role of Shepherd, a Chosen One religious figure that historically works with Seraphs to beat back the evil Lord of Calamity every time a new one crops up. He collects a team of Seraphs along with a human whom he gifts with the ability to work with him, and together the crew "purifies" "malevolence" by fighting monsters. At the end, he purifies the Lord of Calamity, sacrificing his friends and/or himself and/or his time (it's unclear, both accidentally and deliberately) to do so, thus saving the world. There's a few more wrinkles than that, but generally it's a fairly simple story. The neatest thing about it, actually, is that Sorey's Seraph friends can turn into weapons for him when they fuse with him, which is a fun reference to Tales of Destiny, a game in which certain characters had magical talking swords that only a select few people could hear.

It gets ideologically...troubled, though, when it comes to the concept of malevolence. In the world of Zestiria, feeling negative emotions can turn living things (and somehow also some inanimate objects) into monsters called hellions that serve the Lord of Calamity, which is essentially the being with the most malevolence in the world. By fighting those monsters Sorey can usually return them to their normal selves, unless they're "too" malevolent or they like their malevolence somehow and refuse to turn back, and he's forced to kill them. Malevolence isn't necessarily generated by doing bad things, it's generated by the negative emotions themselves. Someone doing bad things who think they're doing them for the right reason won't turn. Someone doing good but resentful of the fact that there's a systemic shortcoming requiring that they fill this need will turn. This essentially cordons off a chunk of the range of human emotions as "the bad ones," thus generally denying them to all the characters we're supposed to care about.

Every time Sorey gets frustrated by an injustice or his inability to help someone as much as he'd like, he's cautioned to stop feeling that way, or he might turn and in so doing, force all of his friends to turn too. And while plenty of good people turn, they can't be reasoned with until they've been purified, and their emotions reset. They do a few interesting things with this, like when Sorey must maintain a sort of radical empathy toward the man who tortured and killed his grandfather in cold blood, while the man taunts him about having done it. But for the most part, it means that Sorey's character does not really develop throughout the game. He must stay friendly and approachable but stoic and incorruptible because the story's stakes if he falls are so high that the writers can't let that happen. The intent here is to frame hellions as one thing so that when Berseria features a protagonist who is becoming a hellion, the player's conception of the world is challenged and broadened. A more interesting story would be one in which Sorey does become a hellion and has to figure out a way to stop his friends from changing too, but that would lean too much into what Tales of Berseria does, so Sorey must stay a bastion of positive emotions for the sake of the twist, which only happened two actual real-world human years later, and not to these characters.

I think Final Fantasy XIV: Endwalker is a useful comparison, here. In that game, feeling despair about the impending end of the world turns people into monsters, killing them instantly. It's a metaphor for the way inaction from the feeling of helplessness at the mind-boggling scale of the problem of global climate change keeps us from trying to do anything to fix the problem; the problem of "don't despair at the end of all things or you'll end sooner" is, purposely, a paradox because our current call to action is also a paradox. The problem's too big for any one of us but we can't let ourselves think that way or it'll only get worse. But the negative emotions in Zestiria aren't also unconstructive emotions. The central theme of Berseria is that angry people get shit done, which is demonstrably true in our world too! So it feels insincere when Zestiria frames anger as a problem that must be solved before any larger problems can be handled. Especially when one character, Rose, is an assassin whose mission is to kill people who use their power to ruin the world. She doesn't become a hellion because she doesn't kill out of anger, but the question then hangs over the entire game: why does that matter? If the evil Cardinal Forton was stabbed by someone who was mad at her, she wouldn't be any less stabbed. You can easily find lots of old forum posts from back when the game released of people trying to piece together why character A was a hellion but character B never changed, and in the end, the answer is it's arbitrary. The writers decided A was too angry or sad or something and that B hadn't reached that level.

It doesn't help that the translation is pretty shoddy in places. This was an issue with localizations of Japanese games at the time. I remember the discourse around the localization of Persona 5, a good game I like a lot with powerful themes and messages about real-world issues. The localization didn't really give its characters distinctive voices and had many sentences that were nonsensical or poorly structured, to the point that the localization of Persona 5 Royal had to go through with a scapel and rewrite a number of lines for clarity and voice. Zestiria has this problem but much worse. At the end of Persona 5, I knew what the characters were fighting against and why. The cutscene before the final boss of Tales of Zestiria is so hard to parse that I found myself questioning things I'd thought I knew about the basic parameters of the story and characters. This really does a disservice to the voice actors, who work valiantly to make their characters sound distinctive and individualized through a sludge of boring words. It's especially frustrating because for the first (and I believe only) time, they got some voice actors known for their internet presence for the game, and those guys had to work twice as hard to make their roles in a seminal JRPG series memorable.

I've written this much and barely touched on the gameplay yet. One of the most frustrating things about Tales of Zestiria is that its battle system is designed after the one in Tales of Graces, the game with my favorite battle system in the series, but it's tweaked in ways that make it borderline unplayable. In Graces, regular attacks that used the attack stat were called "A Artes" while special attacks that used the magic attack stat were called "B Artes." This game keeps that differentiation, calling them instead "martial artes" and "arcane artes" and adds a third category for spells, or "seraphic artes". The game attempts a rock-paper-scissors style tier system in which martial beats seraphic, seraphic beats arcane, and arcane beats martial. In practice, this means that each type of attack can't interrupt the attack type it's weak to. And then, instead of hitting them out of casting, arcane artes speed up the cast bar of any spell users they hit. This makes arcane artes (i.e., the cool moves you use in every Tales game because they're cool) a dangerous proposition because at any time their target might start casting and get off a powerful spell instantly as a result. It also makes the bad AI of CPU characters way more dangerous, as even if you know how to stop an enemy from casting, often your partner will run over to another and help it cast faster instead.

Also, no character type has access to all three types of artes. Humans can use martial and arcane, Seraphs can use martial and seraphic, and the powerful human-seraph fused forms can use arcane and seraphic. The fusing system means that there can only be as many Seraph characters on the field as Human, so a battle party is either two characters (Sorey and one Seraph) or four (Sorey, a partner, and two Seraphs). In the many parts of the story where Sorey is traveling only with his four Seraph friends, you're stuck with a battle party of two. If a Seraph dies in battle, they can be switched out on the fly and recover over about a minute while benched. If a human dies, they can revive by fusing with their partner Seraph. Fusing is the only way to revive human characters without items, and the only way human characters can get access to healing spells, which are used by spending gauge that's built up by comboing.

This means that players are disincentivized from playing as Seraphs, as if the Seraph dies, they'll have to switch to another character they're less familiar with until their character has been benched long enough to return. It also means that human characters at their weakest right after getting revived are in a dangerous position, as fused characters can only use arcane artes, which can make enemy spells cast faster, but they have to build gauge by hitting enemies in order to get enough to spend on a heal. The system is both overly complicated and makes it difficult to claw back out if things go south. It's the result of a lot of pretty good ideas stacked together until they're getting in each others' ways.

Another collection of pretty good ideas that get in each others' ways that is then stacked on top of all the rest is the equipment and skills system. Sort of like in Tales of Vesperia, equipment can have skills attached to them. Unlike in Vesperia, however, there's no way to permanently learn the skills attached to your equipment. Once you switch to a stronger weapon or armor piece, your character loses the skills attached to their previous gear. On top of this, each skill is placed on a 5x13 (I don't remember the exact proportions) tic-tac-toe style board. If you manage to place columns, rows, or stacks of skills on this board, you get better skills. But, again, those are wiped away if you replace your gear. If you find a sword with 60 more attack but it breaks the column that raises all your stats by 20, then all your other stats suffer if you equip it. If that same sword breaks the row that improves the character's attack growth rate for level-ups, then in twenty levels your character might have worse base attack than they would have if you'd kept the crappy sword that let you hold onto that growth rate. But then, on top of that, all characters' growth rates are decided by the stats of the equipment they're wearing when they leveled up. So maybe it's a better option to just wear the strongest gear and let that improve your growth rates that way? There's no way of knowing which one helps you more. And in the short-term, you're going to have a difficult time in battle if you're using weak equipment, even if it lights up your tic-tac-toe board like a christmas tree. Then, there's also an item fusing system where you can chunk items of the same type together to combine their equipped skills. But every time you fuse two of the same item with different skills in the same slot, the resulting skill is unavailable until you fight with that item equipped for a certain number of battles. If you fuse a piece of gear with a locked skill slot, that slot disappears, making the resulting piece of gear worse, rather than better. So to actually get good enough gear options, you have to fight wearing items you fused regardless of their stats or how they fit on your tic-tac-toe board (you can't even see where a locked skill will go on the board until you've unlocked it).

So you have to wear bad gear sometimes and some of that bad gear is going to affect your stat growths during levels, and suddenly this is three different decent ideas combined into a terrible chimera of a gear system. This makes equipment management for the six (sometimes seven) party members an agonizing process that often easily takes twenty minutes to slog through every time you get a new piece of equipment or visit a shop. There's even more complexity to this gear system than I've brought up here, but I'm exhausted just talking about it, so let's move on.

So we've got an equipment system that's overly complex and often contradictory in its modes of engagement, grafted onto a battle system that's engaging and occasionally interesting but unintentionally punishing and limiting. And all this is presented through the jankiest engine and worst art direction in the series. Zestiria is graphically ugly and runs like a nightmare, with a stuttering frame rate, a tiny draw distance, and bland, same-y environments. The developers had the idea of having battles take place on the main map, rather than placing them in separate flat arenas like in other Tales games, and while this makes sense in theory, in practice it means that the camera is actually hellish, often getting stuck on setpieces or other characters, or just...the idea of a slope. Dungeons are designed with this in mind, as nearly all of them are made up of thin corridors between large rooms where the enemies are placed, but enemies will follow the player character without ever giving up or tiring, often at a slightly faster pace than the player character. Enemies grouped together result in longer and more difficult encounters, where more enemies keep entering to replace the ones you dispatch.

If, for example, you're 50 hours into a game and trying to get to the next room of a dungeon without a fight, but all three enemies in a room catch up to you in a narrow hallway, then you're stuck fighting twenty enemies in groups of five at a time while the camera resolutely stares directly at the wall behind your character and at any time one or five of them might start casting a spell, which the partner character might speed up with an arcane art, and then the party's dead and you lost all the gameplay that got you to that point. While this is a worst case scenario that only happened to me a handful of times this playthrough, any combination of these issues plague nearly every enemy encounter in the game.

The six-hour DLC, which is really just a single 11-floor dungeon with fusing (and therefore player one's healing and reviving capabilities) removed, which provides no new story information, makes these issues even more apparent, and frustrating. A pathway up to the eighth floor is locked behind a hidden door on a wall on the sixth floor with three purple dots on it. The whole dungeon is tinged with a purple haze, so these dots are hard to make out, and it's made harder by the constant stream of enemies chasing you through the dungeon without stopping. In most of the game, if you fight an enemy, then all nearby enemies disappear when you finish the fight. In the DLC, though, they show right back up while you're recovering and keep chasing you, meaning you can get five to six encounters in a row with no chance to get your bearings, all while hunting for three small purple dots on a wall somewhere in a purple dungeon. It was clearly purposely designed this way to try to wring more time out of a miniscule DLC, and it worked, as I spent at least two of my six hours with that DLC just scouring the same three floors for that hidden door. That DLC was on release - and still is - ten whole dollars.

It's impossible not to have to grapple with the realization that Bandai-Namco forced this game to be bad. The game needed more development time that it did not get. The game needed more QA testing or, more likely, to actually respond to feedback received from testers. The game needed better localizers or, more likely, localizers with enough time to put the script through a few drafts before finalizing it. The game didn't need DLC, the DLC it got didn't need to be six hours long, and it definitely should never have been $10. The game itself should not be $60 now in the year of our lord 2023. And none of this is because Team Destiny said "let's make the game bad and expensive and frustrating." It's because someone higher up in the decision-making process said "I don't give a shit if the game is bad and expensive and frustrating." Tales of Xillia feels like it was made to be a benchmark of quality for the series. Tales of Zestiria proves that the developers were not being given the time or resources necessary to meet that benchmark. We'll see if we get another utter failure like Zestiria after Arise, or if they manage to maintain the new benchmark Arise has set. But knowing Bandai, I'm nervous about which way that's likely to fall.

Oh, the music's pretty good, though. Like six tracks in the game are really good and the rest is bad to fine, which is better than the vast majority of the series. Get Go Shiina to compose for more Tales games, please.

#tales of series #tales of zestiria

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powderblueblood · 2 months

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ohhhh 18, 9, and 2 for your Steve and Eddie (any verse you'd like

interrogate me about my characters

you are FEEEDING MEEEEE i'm sorry this took me like a couple of days my brain had to power back up after the weekend

2. THEIR EMOTIONAL/MORAL WEAK SPOTS

hellfire & ice/sequel!eddie starts off as your garden variety drug dealer and progressively adds a couple more tools in his criminal belt as the years go on and honestly? doesn't really see that much of a boohoo about it. yes, it's what the world expects from all munsons, yes, it's bad bad work for bad bad men but eddie can't see himself working a straight job. ever. he's not equipped for it. and, he's made peace with the fact that he'll never be a rockstar (jk no the fuck he has not he's so bitter) so he's all, might as well make the wasted years i have on this stupid earth a little more interesting. he's got a little bit of a robin hood complex going on once we meet him in his late 20s.

clear cut!steve is also a criminal albeit the smoother kind, and kind of works off a similar thing of i've never been good at anything else, so this might as well be my career. except for steve, it's banking on how far he can get with that tireless, bottomless, all-consuming harrington charm. working in insurance, or whatever the fuck his father did, never quite scratched the itch of bold faced robbery that... well, robbery did. it's funny, though. steve's never had the aspirations towards grandeur that his fellow thieves have had, because he knows what it's like to grow up in a cushy rich household. steve's just doing it for the thrill of fooling everybody. and he is, by the way. fooling everybody. even you. remember that.

9. HUMILIATING MEMORIES

hellfire and ice!eddie, like.... do you mean his entire life up to this point and actually, beyond. he once got so unbelievably fucking stoned that he thought calling a phone sex line was a good idea but then once the sexy operator lady picked up, he got so freaked out that he could only talk in fozzie bear voice and he couldn't drop the bit for 20 minutes. fun conversation with wayne about that phone bill. he's also written so much bad poetry, so many embarrassing near-self insert stories (one of us, one of us) where he romances many a comely elfin lady. he once slipped one of these stories into chess club captain martha peterson's locker in freshman year as, like, an effort at wooing her but then he got pulled into the fucking guidance counselor's office because she said he was stalking him.

old hollywood!steve... again. regrets. humiliations. he has a few. one could be punching bela lugosi out after a stage production of dracula because he thought he was a real vampire (drunk). another could be punching out an extra on the set of the merry widow in 1925 because he was sniffing around mae murray, who steve was also sniffing around at the time (jilted). steve was replaced by 'that rodent-voiced bastard john gilbert' and the extra he clocked? none other than clark gable. among other embarrassments; not securing a finalized divorce from his first wife before he married his second (drunk), the time he fully pissed his pants when buster keaton played a prank on him during a seance (stoned), getting caught wailing for a second chance outside joan crawford's room at the garden of alla hotel (that woman was inside having lesbian sex).

18. THINGS THEY'LL NEVER ADMIT

old hollywood!eddie knows his entire career is based on fluke, but he's too embarrassed to nurture his real talent, which is writing. to be honest, he does stunts because he kind of has a death wish. not being able to express himself was killing him, but he was always too full of piss and vinegar and cowardice to kill himself. but now people see him, or what the studios have made of him, and it's glorious and horrifying and naked and fake and full of possibility that he's too scared to touch.

hellfire & ice/burning up & burning out!steve (moreso sequel relevant, but) has always thought lacy was a fucking weirdo honestly and blames lacy for nancy pulling away from him during his senior year, not like nancy becoming a person was a factor or anything... until they're older and steve and lacy grow increasingly fond of each other. he wishes he took the job that his dad laid out for him on a silver platter sometimes and married someone stable, like tina or whoever. steve's increasingly more anxious socially as he ages, knowing that most people see him as some kind of joke, but he has to put on the face and be the guy, whatever that means to him in 1994. he's terrified that he's built his life around constructs that are flimsy; being independent from his family, following a path when he's not sure of himself as a person, desperately trying to make the thing with nancy work when she's there because he's familiar and he's there because he's afraid.

#powder room talk #slowdancer #e. munson by powder #s. harrington by powder #hai brainrot #clear cut #bubo #burn like nitrate

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lfc21 · 2 years

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Not to be a spam, but since you liked writing for Darwin 😋 (and I certainly enjoyed reading for him), why not do another one, same vibe as the first, with your no.2 prompt? Hell, maybe even make it a sequel, whatever you feel like 😏.

Its not that big of a deal

PART 1

Where you and Darwin official? This wasn't supposed to plan out this way - a normal dinner for your birthday turned into your anniversary date of your relationship. Yes, you and Darwin hadn't exchanged the words will you be my boyfriend/girlfriend but you where close, very close! You couldn't understand what there was about him that was so addictive but whatever it was had you wrapped forever.

"Ignore the mess I'm trying to make this house look semi decent but I'm shit at that interior design stuff" Darwin said with a smile as he pushed open the front door. Your eyes landed across the perfectly designed hall way with marble stairs and a view of his large garden.

"W-wow" you say in disbelief as to what your eyes where showing you. This was perfect, and he lived here alone! Maybe one day this could be your home together? No! That's not going to happen.

"You like?" Darwin asked with a laugh as his arm snaked around your back and rested his hand on your small shoulder.

"I love" you admitted with a laugh as you looked up at his dark eyes and cheeky smirk. Not only was his house to die for his persona and character was something you where about to kill for.

"I cant stay long, I have work tomorrow" you said with a tight smile as you took of your heels. His eyes where stuck to you as you sat on his bottom step and delicately took the straps from your heels.

"Why?" Darwin stupidly asked with a small giggle. You looked up at him from your eyelashes with a strange expression.

"Well there's something called money in which I need to live from" you sarcastically said with a laugh as you stood up. Your hand was taken into darwins as he smiled at you as if he had created an idea. "What?" You asked with fear as you gave him a pointed look. He let out a loud chuckle as he flew his head back with amusement.

"You wouldn't need to work if you lived with me" he said as he hugged you tightly until lifting you onto his waist. His hands tightly pressed into your hips as he looked up at you.

"Hmmm bet I wouldn't" you mumbled softly as you closed your eyes and ran your hands through his soft hair. You felt his lips press into your neck as a soft curve in his lips showed a smile onto your skin.

"I love you like this" Darwin said with his accent running through every word. Your eyes where still squeezed shut as you rested your head on his large shoulder. You could of stayed like that forever. His skin on yours as your passion and love where buring together like fire on wood.

"Like what?" You tiredly asked with a smirk as you felt his fingers run up your waist.

"Being this close to me, i have everything I've ever wanted" Darwin admitted as he wondered his way to his couch where he delicately placed you on the plush material.

"Do you say this to every girl you take back?" You asked with cheek written in every word. His head turned around to yours as he searched for his remote. He knew you where doing this to piss him off but he loved it, he was kept on his toes. His living room was like something from a magazine, completely and utterly perfect, he had clearly put alot of time and effort into it.

"No y/n infact no girl has ever come back with me" he admitted as he plunged himself down onto the couch. Your legs rested on his thighs as he flicked through the channels on the tv. For some unknown reason you actually believed his words, which surprised you as he could of had the pick of any girls he wanted.

"Bullshit" you mumbled with a laugh as your fingers ran up and down his black and grey tattoos. Even though you believed him there was no way that you would let him get away with it that easily. You where mesmerised by every tattoo he had, they where all there to tell a story and you wanted to know every single part.

"Thanks" he said with a laugh as he took your finger in his hand and gave you a pointed look. "That tickles" he added causing your head to fall back in a laugh at how innocent he started to become.

"Your cute like this" you admitted as he pulled you over closer to him. Your hand pressed against his chest as you sat yourself on his lap. His wide position on the couch made him into the most perfect place to sit, how could you say no to that? You where in desperate need of his affection and this was just what you wanted. "Why do you have roses on your arm?" You wildly asked as your eyes dotted around the many petals that formed the beauty of a rose.

"There my mums favourite flowers" he said proudly as he ran his hands up and down your thighs. Your heart seemed to double at the sound of him speaking so politely about his family. Maybe one day you would meet his mum and become her daughter in law. There was time, But did he want that?

"Are you close with your mum?" You casually asked with a smile trying to ignore your wild thoughts as Darwins hand brushed away the piece of hair that was decorated on the side of your face.

"Yeah I'd say so. I call her most days to see how she is. I actually told her about you" he admitted with a laugh as he watched your expression change into something very confused.

"Me? As in like myself? As in me?!" You asked with worry as you didn't like the idea of Darwins mouth running off into the ears of his mum. You wanted to make a good impression for his mother not one that made you seem like the clumsiest and most stupid girl to ever walk the earth.

"No y/n I ment you as in my neighbour! Of course I ment you" he sarcastically said with a laugh as he looked deep into your eyes. He started to see just how much you ment to him, you where being spoken about to his mum: someone who he adored.

"I hope I don't seem like an idiot" you mumbled as you rested your head into the crook of his neck as his hands wondered up and down your back.

"She seems to really like you" he softly spoke as his mouth pressed a long kiss onto the top of your nose with a smile. His skin was pressed on yours and there was passion dancing through every part possible.

"Darwin" you announced naturally as his eyes where scanning the colours in yours.

"Yeah" he replied back as he was completely absorbed in the beauty that made up your face.

"I think I love you" you slowly said with a soft angelic smile. His hand rested on your thigh as he made small heart shapes on your leg aimlessly.

"Well that makes us even no? Because I know I love you" he said back with a cheeky smile and wondering eyes. His lips crashed down to yours and performed a dance which confirmed everything you knew you where feeling. You loved this feeling with him. You quickly shook your head and released your lips at the thought that ran through your head.

"Actually Darwin we can't kiss if where not together!" You dramatically announced as you pushed your lips away from his with your hand on his jaw. Your fingers where pressed against his chiseled bones that made up the beauty of his jaw and face.

"Hmmm im not sure whether your prepared to be my girlfriend" he gambled with a laugh as he was so wrong with the statement he gave. You where so ready, actually you where more than ready. "Your going to have to be good at cleaning up all my mess. And cooking aswell, I'm no good at cooking I could burn a salad. Oh and you need to be able to pick up bugs, im no good with those scary things" Darwin rambled with a smile as he shivered at the thought of small bugs in his home.

"I can do that! But no bugs! There scary" you said with a laugh as your eyes locked together.

"Well I guess that can work" Darwin replied with a big grin as his hands trailed along the skin that decorated your cheek. "Y/n?" Darwin asked.

"Darwin?" You replied with a small laugh as you copied his tone of voice.

"Will you please be my girlfriend?" He asked confidently as he watched the gaze in your eyes turn soft and angelic at his ask. This was what love was, this moment in which you both wanted to rip each other clothes off yet cuddle each other till the last days.

"Yes Darwin I will be your girlfriend" you said back with a huge grin as your arms wrapped around his large body and your head fell into the crook of his neck. He was yours. Your addiction wasn't an addiction anymore it was a way of life. The addiction wasn't that big of a deal.

This is a sequel/past 2 to my last Darwin imagine - your just making it harder! I really hope you like this imagine! Be sure to send feedback and requests as they are greatly appreciated. I'm hoping for a nunez goal on Saturday at the Derby!!! If anyone as any requests from people I don't do id be sure to give it ago. Have a good day 🙏🏻 @prettylittletrent @cornertakenquicklyyyy @trentsko @trentalexanderarnold @robbo38 @robbothegoat @kostasstsimikass @chelseamount @chloereddy @tsimikasfamily @avenirdelight @blueathens @jordanhendersunshine @mrs-henderson @thatonesexycancerian @hendersons1truelover @nyctophilic0vitnir @peekapeaches @tsimikxs @tsimikostas @trentalexarnofan @leddows @moneymasnn @superkittywonderland @virgilvansike @virgilvandickmedown

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#lfc imagines #lfc masterlist #liverpool imagines #lfc imagine #england fc imagines #england x reader #england team imagine #darwin nunez x y/n #darwin nunez imagine #darwin nunez x reader #darwin nunez imagines #darwin nunez #lfc x reader #liverpool #premier league imagines #footballer x reader #footballer imagines #football fanfic

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kylesvariouslistsandstuff · 2 months

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I just noticed...

Warner Bros. has recently dated their all-animated adaptation of THE CAT IN THE HAT... March 6, 2026...

This is the first of their new "Warner Bros. Pictures Animation" initiative, the plan being to have two animated films out every calendar year.

All jokes about this movie possibly being shelved and turned into a tax write-off aside (I don't think any animated movie is safe under the Zas), that's the same day as...

An untitled Pixar movie...

Pixar currently has two animated movies set for 2026, one on this date, and in June. June presumably goes to TOY STORY 5, which is - at this point, per Disney CEO Bob Iger - eyeballing 2026. It being the summer release is a given, I feel. TOY STORY 3 and 4 were June releases in their respective release years, 1 & 2 were Thanksgiving frame releases... Walt Disney Pictures claimed 3/6/2026 first.

Games of chicken in animated movie scheduling are nothing new, in fact... Some high profile animated movies used to open head to head. THE LITTLE MERMAID vs. ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN in 1989, OLIVER & COMPANY vs. THE LAND BEFORE TIME in 1988, A BUG'S LIFE just a few days within release of THE RUGRATS MOVIE in 1998, you get the idea. They don't do that kind of thing now, though... Unless the demographics are wildly different.

But I wonder who blinks. The Pixar movie set for this date is most likely an original movie (it's not "Ducks", that appears to be a hoax), which are playing a different game at the box office these days. Open low (like, say, ELEMENTAL last year w/ $29m) and then leg it out to a solid gross... THE CAT IN THE HAT, on the other hand, is based on a beloved Dr. Seuss book... Which happened to have a live-action version preceding it, which itself was preceded by a half-hour animated TV special...

Just like...

HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS and THE LORAX.

Those movies opened with $67m and $70m respectively. So, I think CAT IN THE HAT is primed to have a pretty good opening weekend come 2026. That is, if it makes it to the finish line and avoids the dreaded beast at the end of the castle, and makes it out alive.

As for the Pixar original, that's a little trickier to predict. ELEMENTAL was the first original Pixar in theaters following shut-downs in 2020. Its $29m opening is on the higher end of non-sequel animated movies released over the past couple of years, though it was foolishly written off. Legs, of course, came to the rescue. ELIO is the next original, which I think could gross around there. Maybe less, because it's an animated sci-fi story. Could be another case of STRANGE WORLD, TREASURE PLANET, etc. Whatever the 2026 original is, the box office prospects are up in the air...

It all boils down to who blinks.

One of them will have to try out February, maybe around Valentine's Day. Probably the Warner movie. Easter's locked up by the MARIO sequel. Not like February can't work for a family-friendly animated movie, look at THE LEGO MOVIE.

Interestingly, Pixar's been trying to do this 2-a-year every other year thing. 2020 had ONWARD open in March, and if plans worked out, SOUL in June. ONWARD got cut right off by COVID's outbreak, SOUL went straight to Disney+. In 2022, TURNING RED went straight to D+ in March, LIGHTYEAR went to theaters in June. This year was supposed to be that situation, too, with ELIO being out this month being followed by INSIDE OUT 2 in June... But ELIO was delayed all the way back to June 2025.

So maybe 2026 is another one of those situations, where Pixar wants to have two movies out, but ends up rescheduling one of them. I have a feeling TOY STORY 5 stays right in its place, but it's possible that could get delayed to 2027. TOY STORY 3 was once thought to be a 2009 release, and it ended up coming out in 2010. TOY STORY 4? Two delays: From its original summer 2017 slot to summer 2018, to summer 2019.

Plus, this could aaaaall be moot within a few months. Animated movies are always moving forward and backwards.

Worth noting, this wasn't the first time Warner Bros. tried stepping on Disney's toes in one of their major corners. Right now it's with animation, last time... It was with superheroes...

That was when - in mid-2014 - an untitled CAPTAIN AMERICA movie was on the boards for May 6, 2016. A follow-up to the very well-liked CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER... (Side note: I refuse to believe that that was a decade ago. A DECADE.) Continuing on, Warner shockingly moved their BATMAN V. SUPERMAN to that same date. Later in 2014, Marvel revealed that the 2016 CAPTAIN AMERICA threequel was subtitled CIVIL WAR... Eventually, Warner conceded, and moved BATMAN V. SUPERMAN up a few paces, to March 25, 2016.

So, we'll see how this one goes... Or if both of them vacate the premises...

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chromochaotic · 1 year

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Reads of 2023 (so far)

I had fun doing my little write ups for the books I read in 2022 so I thought I'd do one for '23! update as of 4/19!

thoughts:

Book of Night

I got this book as a gift from a friend who I think really wanted someone else to talk about it with... 😂 So it was a very fun read! I've heard mixed things about this author, haha, but I do agree that she's SO GOOD at setting a scene—the same friend called her "the queen of ambiance." I think that extends to getting into her characters' heads, too, like she makes the psychology behind the characters' actions another very interesting part of the story.

I think I, personally, found the constant bad fortune raining down on the main character a little overwhelming. It does help emphasize what a survivor Charlie is, but it's interesting comparing it to something like Ninth House, where the MC is both a survivor but also someone who can put her trust in others & has moments of friendship, bonding, and protection to offset some of the doom and gloom.

Still, I was really into the emotional beats of the story... Holly Black had a few lines about longing for someone who's in front of you as if they're already gone that, like, oof. The characters really do shine in their moments (I esp. loved Balthazar and Odette, haha). Plus the prestige reveals of some of the cons that Charlie pulled off? Chef's kiss. (retroactively rating this based solely on my personal enjoyment: 3.5/5)

Ninth House

I already know I love this author's recent stuff, so it was exciting seeing how she handled a more modern setting and tone! One thing I appreciated was how she tackled themes on privilege in a way that felt more nuanced—like, the way magic in this world is just another form of power over others really came across, from a lot of different angles.

There were a few parts where it felt like the author (and editor) knew the setting and world so well, that they might have forgotten the reader is coming into this completely blind, and some of the logical leaps in mystery-solving feel sort of abrupt, haha. (Spoilers) I was also a little disappointed that the "big" mystery and "little" mystery of the story were only like, tangentially related?

But honestly, this world-building was a treat. I actively wanted to be where the characters were, exploring weird rituals and old libraries with them. I think having a main character who's an outsider the way Alex is, makes the dark academia more accessible—I would have been pretty uncomfortable if the story started out from Darlington's perspective right at the start. Also, like I said before, I appreciated the bonds that are featured in this story—Alex's scenes with Mercy and Dawes were maybe my favorite parts to read. (4/5)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Sea of Monsters

Still working my way through these via B&N audio book credits! My thoughts are pretty much the same as the first book—cute story, lots of fun antics and adaptations of old myths for a younger crowd.

Not too much to complain about with this story, since it does what it sets out to do. I guess, there are some parts that didn't age great... There's a character who starts the story homeless and there's one tiny line about that being "good" for him, but that's me like digging for issues.

I will say, I liked how this book added some depth that we didn't get in book 1, with the idea of Hermes wanting to redeem his kid, and Clarisse getting a moment to shine. I'm probably overly-biased toward liking Clarisse, but, let her have her own book! Let her be the key to the whole story! It's what she deserves.

Working my way through Ninth House book 2 right now, and then I think the next TLT book, and maybe a lighter art book somewhere in between. 😅 Done w/ Hellbent & did two art books, one of which was especially short! lmao (3/5)

Hell Bent

On the plus side, this sequel felt like it didn't have to spend as much time on setup as the first book, and got to just dive into the juicy cliffhanger from Ninth House. The strong points are just like before—the captivating setting and shifting relationships between the characters.

Like with the first one, something about the pacing felt rushed now and then. Maybe I've forgotten how action-packed college was! I was also thinking about how like, even though I'm enjoying these stories, the cast of characters won't stick with me quite like the gang from SoC did. That's probably just an effect of SoC being a much more ensemble-based story, while Alex has to "carry" a lot more of this on her own...

So a lot rides on Alex as a character, I guess, and... it's hard to pin down if I like her, honestly! I definitely sympathize with her, and appreciate how the author explores questions around justice and... power dynamics (?) through her. I ATE UP the backstory we got of Dawes, Turner, and Tripp, though—would've loved even more of them getting to shine, instead of it seeming like they were sort of useless. Ohh, the last thing I'll say is, the imagery set up right at the end, between Alex and Darlington? MMMMM chef's KISS (3.5/5)

Chris Schweizer's Drawings & Other Art 2017 - 2021

I'm trying to piece together my thoughts on this art book, other than being intimidated out of my mind by this guy's life and knowledge and skill. Haha. I bought this last year at Dragon Con; I always like seeing what this artist has at his booth, and really love his sense of design. It was cool trying to pick out patterns in how he handles different things, like textures and facial features.

All this book was meant to be was a collection of art... But I would be super interested in something that was more of a deep-dive on a single piece he did, like seeing what references he uses, maybe notes on how he chooses what to simplify and what to render in detail. I guess that's probably on his socials...?

Anyway, I want to like, shrivel up and die with envy over every technique he's honed to perfection, but like... really I just gotta get back into practice! (he's also apparently a huge history buff, and great musician, and I'm just like........... how...... but maybe I could be that way in a decade or two, who knows) (4/5)

Naomi Vandoren's Light through the Pages

Another art book from dragon con! This one was shorter than Chris', but still a nice read. Naomi's work and little write-ups are very soothing to just page through. Since this was the 2020-based collection of art (I also bought the one for 2021, which I'll probably read soon...), it was interesting to read the page about staying inspired in the midst of the ol' Panny Devito.

Again, this book was just meant to be a selection of pieces, and did its job... I'd always like more process exploration, though, haha—I was sort of surprised at how much of this book was just finished pieces. It also kind of felt a little too advertise-y to me.

In any case, love this artist's work, especially her color palettes and way of doing backgrounds/landscapes. Oh, to have the patience to do watercolors... (3/5)

Nona the Ninth

Back at it again with the most heart-breakingly romantic necromancers alive (and dead). I think what I love most about this series and this particular installment is how well it captures that haunting, ephemeral feeling of old, old tragedies and ancient, powerful beings that are still human. I keep thinking of the moment Nona is so gratefully happy to be alive because of the magnanimous love she has for her family, while hunched in the ruins of a decaying city on a polluted, arid planet... and the slow horror of reading the John chapters.

I think my toothpick-sized bone to pick with the series is still the show-don't-tell balance—I heard NtN's simplicity (in the beginning) was possibly due to feedback that the first 2 installments were too hard to follow. I almost ended up thinking this veered too much in the other direction, until the last few chapters hit and everything goes off the rails again. I don't know, they're wild books, and in the end I've enjoyed that aspect of them... plus, there's such a perfect curl of dread whenever you spot an offhand detail that doesn't sit quite right so now you have to Think About it. But also, I'm So Tired All The Time, and when I finally have time to read, I know I'm missing things but just don't have the energy to go back and forth checking details and looking up meta analysis. There's something to be said for books that you don't have to be experienced with graduate level research to enjoy, haha.

Still, these are for sure going to end up being some of my favorite reads. I was wrong before, what I actually love most about the series are the characters. Nona is so right for finding every little mannerism of her friends endearing—I love every little no-nonsense bit of affection from Camilla and humble, brilliant quip from Palamedes, and freaky twin love hate Thing between Corona and Ianthe, and Gideon, Gideon with the "get in line, thou big slut." Queen. King. Perfection. Adoration. I'm a Gideon apologist I guess, oops. (5/5)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Titan's Curse

lmao after that long review... Another PJO down! The cross-country/sea travel in each of these is a delight, I'm glad that's stayed consistent. I've actually been to some of the places in this one, like the Smithsonian and Hoover Dam, although we didn't do the whole tour there and now I want to.

My only baby complaint this time is I feel like Dionysus gets done so dirty... It's a creative take, I guess, compared to the more recent trend of making him Chaotic Good Wine Uncle, but stillllllll. On the upside, Apollo in this book? I yelled at his "wait I feel a haiku coming on". King.

I'm kind of excited to see where the author goes with whether or not Percy will be able to forgive/empathize with Luke in the end. The author's done a good job making Percy just a good ol all-american teenage boy, and the jealousy he feels when it comes to Annabeth and Luke, in a normal rom-com, seems like it would just result in some epic feel-good victory for Percy... I'm hoping things go a little differently with this. Also, I was a sucker for the bit with Zoe and the constellation. (3/5)

McMullen Circle

Picked up this book from one of those "blind date with a book" shelves at a cute store in Asheville. The blurb described it as a collection of short stories, set in the late 60s, and "boarding school in the North Georgia Mountains", and I was sold. It turned out a little different than expected... I enjoyed the nature-focused writing, which was very serene and bittersweet. The variety of stories and straightforward way they handle each character's flaws was also refreshing, in a way. There're no perfect characters in this, but that's kind of the point.

I was a little disappointed the collection wasn't the romantic little mix of Appalachia and Dark Academia I was hoping for, but that's more the blind-date-blurb's fault. The only other thing that kind of skeeved me out was that sexuality only got portrayed negatively, and that happens right out of the gate in the first short story, but it only comes up briefly after that.

My favorite piece was "Twilight Song"—literally broke into tears at the final few lines. It's about an elderly lesbian couple caring for each other in their old age, and how they got through dark times to have a sweet life together. A few stories touch on other hardships, like poverty, PTSD, and racism, and always handle it in a way that feels pretty sensitive. (4/5)

Taking a break for work and fanfic for a bit now, I think.

Manywhere

Trying to come up with a good Positive-Negative-Positive sandwich... except I didn't particularly like this one. It was another short story collection, and it focused on queer characters generally in the US south, but only the first one really compelled me thematically. It examined the relationship between presentation and privacy and packed a lot dynamism in that short format.

Most of the stories just felt repetitive, though, even with all the variety in setting and character—like generally dour, mean-spirited takes on people's character, and I probably sound naive in that, but hey this is my review and I am quite unfortunately an optimist at heart. I'm not one to dismiss unpleasant stories outright, but so many of the chapters seemed to make pain and regret and rejection the whole point.

Thinking about it a little more, I guess it could lead to some interesting discussion of the desperation for acceptance that comes with being queer in the communities the book focused on. And I'll give it to the author, again, for including some well-researched, incredible variety in terms of characters and setting. Gave this book away to a friend who might have more skill at parsing meaning from it, and we'll see if that leads to a change of heart on my side. (2/5)

American Born Chinese

I first read this when I bought it back in... high school? This impulse re-read happened after seeing the trailer for a show coming out based on the story (and also, right after the EEAAO Oscars sweep). I've aged out of the target audience, haha, but I still like the balance the author strikes between complex storytelling/themes, and an appealing simplicity.

It'll be interesting to see how the story is adapted... Some of the stereotypes the book tackles were so intentionally offensive, I could totally see the satire being misunderstood if it's not handled carefully.

Anyway, nothing bad to say about this one! Like the other YA stuff I'm reading, it's stood the test of time for a reason. Plus, you can tell how personal this story is to the author, and it means a lot that he's shared it with the world in this way. (4/5, but just bc the YA simplicity keeps it from 5/5)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Battle of the Labyrinth

Still chugging through these... Same pros and cons as before! I do feel like, as the tone gets darker with each of these, the quirky modern twists (Dedalus using a laptop! Sphinxes giving standardized tests!) make the serious moments a little too stark, haha. Like, geez, the stuff with Pan was... sure something.

This book did some odd stuff with the romance plot(s)... It felt to me like Annabeth was done dirty for the sake of keeping Percy/the character dynamics clean. Nothing worse than other YA stories from this time, but, maybe typical of it. Also, while all the PJO books break that Pixar rule of "coincidence can get you into trouble but not out of it" (and again, for this genre it's fine), this installment felt like the worst culprit of it so far.

I did enjoy keeping tabs on my fav characters, though. I've ofc added Nico to my roster of poor little meow meow boys, balancing out Clarisse being added to my Angry Power Fantasy Daughters, and each of them got scenes I really enjoyed this time around. Also, props to these stories for pulling out mythical monsters that seem like very deep cuts—the series started with references I mostly caught, like harpies and the fates, but now we're getting to telekhinese (???) and empusai...?? Hell yeah! (3/5)

Anyway. Thought it'd be fun to note, too, that I caught up on The Lackadaisy Cats comic at this point, which has been a delight. Very tempted to buy some sort of art book or patreon tier, bc that style is to die for.

continued in a part 2 post... to be linked?

#hi my name is chromo #how did i tag the last one #book review

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mavspeed · 2 years

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hi bestie <333 may i humbly ask 🥺, 🏆, 👀, 🤩, and 🧠 (maverick!!!) for the fic writer ask meme please 🙇🏼‍♀️🥰

HI BESTIE YES YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

the icemav hug in tgm gets me tbh like it really doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen it every single time it comes across my dash I’m like florence pugh walking across midsommar field gif

also there’s one pic of goose and mav that really. it really Gets To Me. here it is

LOOK AT THEM. THEY WERE JUST BABIES. THEY DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS COMING. *crying*

🏆 What's your most popular fic?

so I just went to ao3 to filter it by hits which I’ve never done before. and. extremely humiliated to say it’s this fic I wrote for wonder woman (2017). hell. (this is also strange bc it doesn’t have that many comments)

BUT I’m also surprised to note that the second and third most popular fics on there are fics I did NOT expect to see aka this cherik fic I wrote after discussing the idea w my bff (hey syd!!) and basically a cherik au of the mummy (ironic bc I’m a tommy enjoyer now) LMFJDJS THE MORE YOU KNOW I GUESS

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

I have a couple bc one thing about me... I am absolute shit at finishing wips lmfjdjssn like I am awful at them absolutely awful. but anyway I do have one with civilian mav and mob boss ice for which a good bit is already written (also fun fact this fic has viper/jester which I consider fucking hilarious)

also there’s one (tentatively) which I haven’t started yet that’s basically a 5+1 with pennymav. they’re such an underrated ship and inspiration struck me one day so yeah that’s in the works too

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

this is funny because bruises of our failures is (mostly) mav pov but I love writing ice. idk he’s so repressed and constipated and awkward and hiding all that beneath indifference and apathy. *twirling hair* he just like me fr

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them. (mav)

I feel like this is pretty obvious in the way I write but the one thing I love about him is that he isn’t just being reckless for reckless’ sake. like you’re not gonna see him pull off dangerous moves in the air if there’s no end goal, he does everything for a reason! it’s just that the way he goes about doing it is perhaps a little riskier than some might like but it’s for a reason. and this isn’t something that only developed in the sequel, it’s obvious in the first movie too- the narrative just put a much deeper focus on his recklessness. (this is why I’m a bit 👀 when people write mav just being.... reckless for no reason.... just doing shit bc he can.... because really?? really???)

and bc this was a pretty ordinary headcanon I’m gonna give you another one LMFJDJJD my second headcanon is much more dumb and it’s basically. mav likes romcoms. he fucking loves them. so sue him he’s a romantic at heart and he kinda likes it when they run towards each other in the end and kiss in the rain. I feel like after a day of dealing with idiots and flying in the air and nearly dying a total of ten times he’d want to watch people fall in love and sometimes goose joins him too.

also his favourite romcom is clueless. no I’m not taking objections thank you

#ask #THANK YOU FOR THIS ASKS BESTIE

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queerauntie · 1 year

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November Reads

November was a blast, I quit my toxic job and these books really helped me from falling into depression again. Before that job I had been unemployed since July and it was dark y'all. While we aren't fully out of that hole (summer, summer hurry up!) reading has been such a transformative way to heal from the misery I'd been feeling these past few years. Without further ado, November's novels:

Love Radio by Ebony LaDelle

Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey (Founder of The Nap Ministry)

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab

Odd One Out by Nic Stone

Black Cake by Charmaine Wilkerson

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab

Black Girls Must Be Magic by Jayne Allen

Love Radio was a delight. The characters were so cute and well thought out, and their personalities were fun to see interact together, making them a perfect match! While it's a red flag to me when someone is so persistently pesuing someone, I am willing to call it a Doppler/Dahmer (a himym reference ifkyk) situation and lean in. I'm glad I did because Prince ended up being worth the leap of faith. Talk about someone who genuinely wants to show up for YOU, in any capacity they can. So many people (read men) feel like if they have feelings for a girl, the only way they can have a successful relationship is if it's a romantic and sexual one. FAKE concepts like "the friend zone" are their way of telling us they can't love us in any other capacity, because it's not about us, it's about the claiming of us. Prince loves Danielle and he isn't caught up with those ideas and he sees Danielle for who she is, an amazing young woman who's on her journey and deserving of love. Danielle goes through a gutting experience that she deals with throughout the story, and as she's not initially open to romance, Prince doesn't see that as rejection or a "chase" or "tease". He truly hears her and is happy to meet her where she needs and shows up the way a true friend would, which Dani definitely needs at this point. I loved this story, and even though I saw it at Target, it breaks through the Target Tear, I definitely Loved this book!

Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey is a book I've been highly anticipating! I've been following @TheNapMinistry on twitter for months now, her message is simple. Rest is not something we have to earn, we rest because it is our right. Her work centralizes Black People who've had their rest robbed for centuries, reminding them that rest and dreaming are key to liberation. This message extends to non-Black people as an introduction on how to start breaking down our cultural brainwashing and recognize how our complacency upholds capitalism, white supremacy, and patriarchy. When we prioritize resting over the never-ending machine that is American capitalism, we become a wrench instead of a cog. This book, right next to How We Show Up, go right on my required reading for friends and community. This book will also be read again, every time I need a reminder!

The next book on my list was the first major book I read this year, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. While almost all of the books before this were around 6-9 hours, Addie LaRue comes in at 17 hours! It was very intimidating, and I initially was reading the book wrong, I was looking for the rising action to begin and was zooming through the first half thinking it was merely world-building. I was wrong, it was all a part of the journey that Addie herself was on, figuring things out as she went and learning so many important lessons along the way. Once I understood that I needed to be a part of the story with Addie, not a ghost viewing from above, the story took hold of me fiercely and I was completely hypnotized by this world. It was a thrill ride to the end, trying to figure out where it could possibly end, and what solutions could we possibly come to. Another read again to simply be in that world again, and of course, to prep for the hinted-at sequel!

Odd One Out was a book that was recommended by my bestie, this is the book where I started to go "maybe I just don't like male characters..." because there was absolutely nothing Coop could do that I didn't take issue with! The author really had me in the first half because I was ready to fight him for not getting over his crush on a LESBIAN! But bestie told me to give good faith, and I held out hope. Spoiler alert it does not end in a polyamorous ending, I'll rip that bandaid right off for ya cause no one did for me. But the ending was satisfying and I guess if it's vaguely personal, I can't be mad someone got a happy ending!

Black Cake was a haunting and beautiful journey. I've talked about it more here, so please go read that, or better yet, just read Black Cake. It's definitely in my top 10 of the year, it was pulling on the heartstrings, keeping me on the edge, and immensely satisfied by the end. It was a novel I could trust, whether it was a happy or sad ending, you could feel the care and love the writer put into this novel, and it was beautiful to experience this story and I hope it continues to gain lots of attention, it deserves all the flowers!

A Darker Shade of Magic! Wow what an amazing story! This is my best friend's favorite book by their favorite author, so it was LONG overdue that I read this book! By God it was fan-fucking-tastic! It was another Schwab immersive world I couldn't get enough of. I was thrilled that there was an entire trilogy to enjoy, and even more, so that a second trilogy is in the works. I will be talking more about V.E. Schwab as an artist because she is just phenomenal and I am looking forward to reading more of her works this upcoming year!

Black Girls Must Be Magic was somehow better than it's predecessor, how many sequels can say that? But it absolutely felt like catching up with an old friend and I was beyond thrilled for her in this chapter of her life. Healing from the loss of her grandma, Tabi continues to face work struggles and personal problems. But she's been working on rebuilding her support system so she has her besties to confide in and work through those things with, instead of doing it on her own. I am so proud of the growth she's made in this journey, and I can't wait for the third book to come out. I have a few more thoughts about this series here, so enjoy!

I did it, I got through november! Stay tuned, December shall be posted within the next 2 hours!

Yearly Book Count: 23/??

#love radio #ebony ladelle #rest is resistance #tricia hersey #the invisible life of addie larue #ve schwab #odd one out #nic stone #black cake #charmaine wilkerson #a darker shade of magic #black girls must be magic #jayne allen #what im reading #november reads #ya fiction #young adult #adult fiction #romance

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clonewarsarchives · 2 years

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NOTES FROM THE FRONT LINE (#132, APR 2012)

It’s generally accepted that Walter Murch (along with friend and colleague Ben Burtt redefined the role of the cinematic sound engineer, coining the term “Sound Designer” for Apocalypse Now (1979), which was foreshadowed by his “Sound Montage” credit for The Conversation (1974).

Murch later turned his hand to directing, helming Return to Oz, the 1985 sequel to the beloved classic. It was his friend George Lucas who offered him the opportunity to take the director’s chair again for The Clone Wars season four episode from the Umbaran quadrilogy, “The General.” Interview by J. W. Rinzler

Star Wars Insider: How did you first get invited to direct an episode of The Clone Wars?

Walter Murch: I heard about Bob Dalva, who’s a friend, film editor, director, and cameraman. George Lucas had asked him to be a guest director on the show (Season Two’s “The Deserter”) and I kept tabs with him, checking how it was going. He was having a great time doing it. I think it was a year later that George said, “What about you? Do you want to be a guest director?” Based upon the experience that Bob had, and my own general interest in the interface between art, story, and technology, I thought I would see what it was all about.

Did you choose a script from the four episodes of the Umbaran story arc?

They just said here it is. I didn’t get to choose. I think I would’ve been overwhelmed if I had to choose, because I didn’t know anything about the process other than what Bob and George had told me. It was much better just to get an assignment and not have to make a choice, weighing variables that I had no knowledge of at that time.

What did George tell you about the show?

Not much. He said, “It’s great, you’ll love it!” What he’s interested in with guest directors is people coming on board and injecting whatever it is that makes a metal into an alloy: a little extra something that’s not normally in the metal, but that helps to turn it into something else: iron into steel, brass into bronze, hopefully stronger. There are four directors on staff—very talented directors who are each working on three projects at once in various stages, whereas a guest director is only working on one thing and doesn’t hang around after the job is done. I wasn’t involved at all in the final animation. It’s just a very specific 12-week gig—to learn the software and produce the work.

George also wanted to bring in, with Bob and me and Duwayne Dunham—another guest director who has done two shows—someone who has experience in live action. George wants an infusion of a live-action sensibility into the process of doing animation, so it becomes scene-based rather than shot-based. Animation tends to be shot-based work because of the expense of producing animation; you want to minimize the amount of work, so shoot only what is absolutely necessary. Whereas with the zViz software (a proprietary software platform developed by George Lucas and Lucasfilm that helps directors compose shots), which is what we were working with, it doesn’t cost anything to keep the shot going, especially in a dialogue scene. It’s covering the dialogue the way you would cover a normal dialogue scene in live action from many different angles, which allows you to choose in the editing how the scenes will be constructed.

So you had 12 weeks. At this point was the script already written?

Yes, it was finished and, other than meeting at the end of the process, I never had any interaction with the writer. [Supervising director] ave Filoni did ask, “What do you think about the script? Any ideas?” In this story, the two clones, Fives and Hardcase, have to penetrate an alien airbase and there’s a perimeter fence around it. In the original script, they walked up to the fence and turned it off with some device they had. I thought we should make it a little harder, just to get a bit more action into it; also, if you can do everything with your own devices, it makes the opposition look weaker. So the whole idea of climbing up the tree, and then booby-trapping it to distract the guards —that was my contribution to the story.

So once you did the script, it went to the story reel phase using zViz. Was there anything in between those stages?

There was a lot of work already done in set and character design, all of which I inherited. They just said, “Here it is!” I slightly changed the nature of what some of the weird creatures were—that was another script idea I guess—I made the weird flying creatures into vultures so that they would try to eat the bodies of dead clone troopers. In the script they were just seen as passing clouds, but since they looked like vultures mated with manta rays, I thought, Let’s give them a personality and a purpose. What do these guys do? So that was another thing. I didn’t modify the look of the creatures, but I did modify what they did.

You then moved onto the zViz story reels.

I went to zViz class for the first two weeks. I had a one-on-one tutor and I was learning the software. Co-incident with that, in the afternoons, I started to play with the set and the characters, and reading the script, and working out how we were going to stage everything; just arranging the basic elements of the “soldier” aspect of the work, which is: “Here’s the army. There’s the enemy. Our army is moving in this direction. They’re coming from that direction. They’re in single-file, and so on.” At that stage, only basic camera parameters had been set, so I went through the script scene-by-scene and blocked it out using zViz. I had a team of four story artists who were going to be working with me—Bosco Ng and Dave Brickley would sometimes be standing next to me saying, “Don’t do that. It’s more efficient to do this,” just like when you learn to drive a car. You have an instructor there to prevent you from crashing. I got about two percent into using zViz. Maybe five percent. Maybe I would have been able—for the story reel—to do some actual story reel animation, but this particular show is so full of action that I left it to the artists that were working with me.

What was the next stage?

After the blocking? The story reel. I assigned scenes to the story artists and they would phone me up four hours later and say, “Want to take a look?” And that would give me other ideas and I’d make suggestions and they would work their way through the scenes.

As with live action, do you have to choose the “virtual camera lenses” you use?

Yes. I began to sketch that out in the plotting stage. But I generally left that up to the animators, except for a few specific places like that shot of the first emergence of the scorpion tank: I wanted that to be a telephoto lens.

Did you find it liberating?

Yes, it was. I felt insecure during the two weeks when I was learning the software and not knowing how much more I had to learn. If we had all the time in the world, it would’ve been different—but this is an ongoing series and you have to hit schedule milestones. And I was very happy with the work the story artists did; they saved my bacon a number of times when there were things I couldn’t quite figure out. Based on their own experience being animators and working on The Clone Wars, they knew what could be done and that would trigger ideas from me. So it was a very good collaboration with all four guys.

Did you have any involvement with the direction of the actors?

Yes, once we’d recorded and cut the temporary voices in. and then made any adjustments, we went down to Los Angeles and recorded the actual voices of the clones and Krell. So I was there for the final recording. It’s very important, I think, for the director of the recording.

The episode has a lot of action in it, but is also quite violent. There’s a scene where some Umbarans walk past and the clones shoot them in the head.

That was another idea I had. And another was the amount of stomping that the scorpion tanks do. There are many clones that get killed by being stepped on. This was an idea I came up with based on exploring the ability with zViz to articulate the character’s movement, like a puppet. The scorpion tanks are a six-legged mechanism. It wasn’t specified in the script what those legs could do—it just walked forward and shot. I thought it would be more interesting if it appeared to be alive in an animalistic sense and, working with Dave Brickley, we started tooling around with these creatures. We made them stand up on their hind legs, so to speak, and put the front legs up in the air. Once you did that, it was clear that it would be good.

These ideas arise spontaneously out of the directing process and if nobody stops me, then I’ll do them. It’s grisly—people killed by being stepped on, and the idea of finishing off this Umbaran pilot—and it begs the question. “If they didn’t shoot him, what were they going to do with him?” Then there’s the whole idea of these vulture creatures feeding on the flesh of clones. I plead guilty to the grisly parts of the story, or emphasizing them anyway.

Is that because you think kids today can handle it?

I think so, but I wasn’t thinking about the audience spedifically. It’s shown at eight o’clock at night, and I know that the viewing age ranges very wide. I thought it was my duty—I’d been invited in to do this stuff and they were looking for somebody from the outside. So I guess I was pushing the edge of the envelope. And I think that’s one of the very interesting things about the show. It gets into some pretty deep, philosophical waters about what an army is: Who are the soldiers in an army, and what are they really doing? Do they obey orders without thinking or are they obliged to think on their feet and countermand an order if they know a better way to do it and what’s the cost of that? How does identity emerge out of group of soldiers who, in this case, are literally bred to be the same. And yet different identities do emerge out of their DNA—how does that happen? How do you cohere as a military fighting force where the idea is to sublimate your identity and not be individuals? Once you start thinking about all that, you get into some pretty interesting areas.

It sounds like it intellectually engaged you.

Yes, it did. But all this is not specifically limited to my episode. That whole Umbaran arc in particular is about the assassination of a kind of Hitler. When do you kill the guy who’s supposedly your commanding officer? What he’s doing is wrong and against all military code, and yet you have to obey him. it’s a dilemma that the human species confronts over and over. I looked at maybe 12 other episodes in the course of 12 weeks. and I was really impressed with the range of subject matters and the implications of some of the ideas that were being explored.

Also, I was taken with the density of the storytelling in a 22-minute session; I would be watching one of these episodes, looking at the animation and being impressed with the style and the production design and all of that, and then the seven-minute moment, the commercial break, would come and I’d realize, wait a minute, that felt like 20 minutes not seven! It felt like a lot had happened and it had only been seven minutes. Each of these 22-minute episodes feels like an hour in terms of the visual and thematic complexity of the stuff that’s being explored. Those experiences quickly eliminated any sense that I was making a film for kids. But by the same token, Return to Oz, which is essentially a film for kids, also has some heavy-duty stuff in it. I think kids can take it.

Did you get to see your episode before it went to air?

Yes, but the first version I saw I thought the picture was way too dark. I would not have animated things the way I did if I had known it was going to be that dark. I had been told Umbara was a dark planet, but I didn’t know it was going to be that dark. There’s a saying in England: When you do live-action night shooting, you’ll get the question, “Where is this light coming from?” And the answer is, “That’s ‘Customer’s Moonlight.’” In other words, the audience paid to see the movie—the light is there to allow them to see what they paid for. But when I saw the aired version of “The General”, the darkness had been lightened. I don’t know what knobs they twirled, but there was much mom light. And yet it still looked like a dark planet. So I was much happier.

Is there anything that you’d like to have differently?

The Clone Wars animation is getting on good. particularly for certain characters. that I would like to see them move even more in a live-action sense. There’s still a tendency, especially in the story reel stage, to over-articulate body language. There are lots of hand gestures, kind of in a marionette sense, and you tend to fall into doing that because there is no facial animation at the story reel stage, only rudimentary changes from anger to joy. And with the clones wearing helmets, you don’t see any face, so there is a tendency to over-compensate with body-language. I think that may have been necessary in the early days when the animation wasn’t as sophisticated. Now it’s getting so good, it might be time to back off from the marionette aspect and treat them more like real people, real actors.

Do you think they should invest a little more in that?

Yes, but with some characters I think they’re already there! There’s a wonderfully evil female character Asajj Ventress. She’s fantastic—both as a character and how she’s animated. I love that character.

THE CINEMA OF WALTER MURCH

Walter Murch enrolled at the University of Southern California in 1965. In its School of Cinema, he met George Lucas, future writer/director John Milius, author Donald Glut (who penned the novelization of The Empire Strikes Back), Director of Photography Caleb Deschanel (who shot 1979’s More American Graffiti), and a host of other luminaries who came to prominence during the late ‘60s and early ‘70s. After Lucas and Francis Ford Coppola founded American Zoetrope, Murch helped edit and mix sound on the latter’s The Rain People (1969). His résumé soon filled out with a series of Lucas and Coppola projects: THX 1138 (1971), American Graffiti (1973), and The Godfather Part II (1974), before winning an Academy Award in 1980 for his sound design on Apocalypse Now. His subsequent credits include, among many others, Ghost (1990), The Talented Mister Ripley (1999), Cold Mountain (2003), Jarhead (2005) and The English Patient (1996), for which he netted Oscars for both film and sound editing.

#season 4 #408 #crew #insider #i132 #the clone wars #guest directors #got real detailed into the process and the episode!

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