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2022 in Movies - My Top 30 Fave Movies (Part 2)

20. THE WOMAN KING – While Wakanda Forever was making a bit of a pig’s ear of things, this action-packed historical epic from The Old Guard director Gina Prince-Blythewood tackled broadly similar material and pulled it off without a hitch. I’ve been fascinated with the intriguing story of the Dahomey Amazons for a while now, even before I got into Black Panther and the Dora Milaje they inspired through the MCU, so when I heard there was gonna be a movie about them I got REALLY excited, so I was already pre-programmed to love this movie. Y’know what I’m like around strong woman … anyway, the story here is of the Agojie, the all-female warrior elite of the West African sovereign nation of Dahomey, circa 1823, when king Ghezo (John Boyega), new to the throne and determined to bring his people out from under the oppressive shadow of the slave trade, begins to clash with their aggressive neighbours and the Portuguese slavers who stoke the flames of war in order to grease the shameful wheels of their business. Boyega is, as ever, a noble and charismatic presence in the cast, but OF COURSE this film is dominated by the Amazons themselves – Viola Davis, it turns out, was BORN to play the role of Agojie General Nanisca, the army’s commanding leader, who’s forced to confront a troubling ghost from her well-buried past in the form of a new recruit, Nawi (The Underground Railroad’s Thuso Mbeda, a fiery and intense focus for the story’s driving narrative), a wilful young girl who dreams of becoming a mighty warrior rather than facing a life of drudgery in an ill-made marriage match; Captain Marvel and No Time To Die’s Lashana Lynch, meanwhile, essentially STEALS THE FILM from everybody else as genuine force-of-nature Izogie, a badass veteran fighter whose irreverence is matched only by her ferocity, and Sheila Atim (also from The underground Railroad) brings focus and stately grace to proceedings as Amenza, Nanisca’s close friend and trusted confidante. They’re a fierce and intimidating lot, raising merry hell in a series of explosively blood-soaked set pieces that stir the blood and whiten the knuckles, while the screenplay from Dana Stevens (Life Or Something Like It, The Nightingale) wears its standard historical adventure tropes on its sleeve, turning what could have become tired, rote cliches in the hands of a lesser writer into comforting strengths for all their familiarity. Certainly Prince-Blythewood is on fine form here, clearly having as much fun crafting a stirring epic actioner as she did with her Netflix-based breakthrough, further cementing her status as an emerging blockbuster director of genuine promise. I look forward to seeing what else she’ll deliver when the incoming sequel to The Old Guard arrives …

19. THE TRAGEDY OF MACBETH – this adaptation of one of my very favourite William Shakespeare plays is a particularly notable milestone in cinematic history, because for the very first time, writer-director Joel Coen has made a feature film without his ubiquitous filmmaker brother Ethan having anything to do with the project. That being said, Joel’s always been such a dominant force on the DIRECTING side of the Coen Brother’s output that, if you didn’t know this, you’d never know Ethan was absent on this one, because it’s still EVERY INCH a Coen film. It’s also Denzel Washington’s first time working for either Brother, but he’s SO magnificent as one of the greatest fictional villains OF ALL TIME that you won’t have any idea WHY they never worked together before. He’s absolutely MESMERISING as Macbeth, the doom-courting Thane of Cawdor, who decides to murder his way to the throne of Medieval Scotland after receiving a very tempting prophecy from a trio of creepy-ass witches right after a decisive battle sees him get one hell of a royal promotion – Washington sizzles and sears in every scene, whether he’s smouldering with pregnant understated menace or exploding with un-righteous fury as Macbeth is haunted by gruesome ghosts or egged on by his scheming, ambitious wife. Coen-regular Frances McDormand matches him in every scene as the DEFINITIVE Lady Macbeth, particularly as she crumbles spectacularly once the guilt of what they’ve done starts to weigh her down; Brendan Gleeson is typically grand yet cuddly as ineffectual ill-fated King Duncan, while Harry Potter star Harry Melling continues to prove that he's grown up into a truly DYNAMITE star-in-the-making as his untested but prematurely put-upon son Malcolm, The Boys’ Alex Hassell is obsequious but complex as duplicitous young nobleman Ross, and Straight Outta Compton’s Corey Hawkins makes for a suitably strapping and dynamic Macduff (ALWAYS my favourite character in the play and EVERY adaptation). Joel Coen has once again dropped a blinder on us, solo-effort or not, making Sakespeare’s text breathe in fresh and interesting ways while he weaves a beautifully bleak and haunting visual spell, unleashing compositions on us that recall the subtly unsettling weird mundanity of American Gothic art or the surrealism of German expressionist cinema, especially in the film’s very unusual interpretation of the supernatural, as well as framing the story’s bloody and decidedly non-glamorous violence with an almost clinical detachment which perfectly complements the gorgeously stylised world he’s built, all of it topped off with an unsettlingly lowkey atmospheric score from regular Coen collaborator Carter Burwell. Thoroughly deserving all the immense acclaim it’s had heaped upon it, this definitely proved to be one of the year’s early surprises and one of its most downright exquisite works of art. Most important of all, though, Joel’s taken what’s always been a definitive Shakespearean villain and turned him into one of the all-time GREAT Coen protagonists ...

18. DOCTOR STRANGE IN THE MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS – Okay, maybe I am being A LITTLE hard on this year’s MCU offerings, I’ll admit this one IS pretty great. It’s not perfect by any stretch, but there’s no denying that it’s a PROUD example of its breed, and if I’m honest in some ways it’s certainly better than its titular character’s FIRST feature in the franchise canon. Ultimately a HUGE reason for this undeniable success is the triumphant return to the Marvel stable of Spider-Man’s original big screen shepherd, Sam Raimi, who MAGNIFICENTLY makes up for the shortcomings of his frustratingly muddled and underwhelming third entry for the Web-Headed-Wall-Crawler with this far more solid effort. Sure, it has its flaws and once again there are points where it’s clearly trying to do too much, but this time round Raimi manages to rein in the excess JUST ENOUGH to keep things consistent and coherent throughout, and the end result is one of the MCU’s darkest films to date. 2021’s Spider-Man: No Way Home saw Benedict Cumberbatch’s former Sorcerer Supreme tackle the Multiverse for the first time, and now he’s got his hands full dealing with the aftermath as the emergence of ‘Verse-hopping teen America Chavez (The Baby-Sitters’ Club’s Xochitl Gomez), a young superhero with the ability to “punch” through dimensional walls sets all his hard-earned efforts to repair the damage spinning into chaos. America’s been targeted by the Scarlet Witch herself, Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen), who wants to use her powers to tear through the walls between worlds so she can be reunited with her “lost” children after the tragic conclusion of Wandavision, but Strange takes issue with her methods, foreseeing nothing but darkness and ruin across the Multiverse should she be allowed to pursue her insane plan, which sets them at loggerheads with the fate of all existence in the balance. Raimi’s presence in the director’s chair in lieu of original Doctor Strange helmer Scott Derrickson makes sense when you realise this is the MCU’s first true, full-blooded HORROR MOVIE, Marvel wisely bringing one of the greatest directors in the genre’s history onboard to usher in a pervading atmosphere of pregnant dread, chilling suspense and jolting terror to many of the set-pieces while one-time Avenger Maximoff has been ingeniously recast in the mould of a genuine horror movie MONSTER, frequently triggering some of the film’s most ruthlessly effective jump-scares. As a result, while this movie does (just) pull its punches enough for its PG-13 rating, it’s DEFINITELY NOT one for the kids, and while it’s certainly got plenty of the ubiquitous MCU heart, spectacle and winning sense of humour, this is sometimes pretty dark, hard-hitting stuff. (A good yardstick for you – remember that What If? Marvel Zombies episode? It's very much like THAT.) Cumberbatch is once again on TOP FORM as Strange, treading an admirably fine line between hero and prick as the erstwhile Master of the Mystic Arts navigates the murky waters between what’s right for the greater good and what he knows in his heart should REALLY be done, while Gomez is a phenomenal find for Kevin Feige and the other MCU bigshots, emotive, effervescent and often downright lovable as a simple teenage girl trapped by her unavoidable circumstances in the eye of a veritable hurricane of fate, and it’s wonderful to see Rachel McAdams return in more than one form as Strange’s one-that-got-away, Dr Christine Palmer, who brings an important grounding element to her scenes as the one entirely human anchor for the audience to experience all this craziness through, as well as the ever-reliable Benedict Wong as, ahem, Wong, once librarian at Kamar-Taj but now the CURRENT Sorcerer Supreme (because Strange got Blipped for five years), who’s just permanently done with all his shit, and always down to remind him not to be such a PRAT; there’s also a phenomenal who’s-who of supporting turns and cameos from new and returning faces I’d be painfully remiss in spoiling for anyone who wants to experience some of the Multiverse’s ingenious twists and turns, although I can say that’s it’s one of the film’s biggest momentary joys that Raimi even found time to get his old mate Bruce Campbell a fun little role in this too. The real runaway star of the film, however, is Elizabeth Olsen, who does a beautiful job of taking a heroic mainstay in the narrative of the MCU and, through some VERY clever screenwriting and character development, twisting her into something dark, dangerous, sometimes genuinely terrifying and ultimately heartbreakingly tragic in her paradoxical sympathy (I swear, your heart breaks for Wanda even when she’s scaring the wits out of you). Sure, at times this is glaring by-the-numbers MCU and there are times when it doesn’t quite work, but there are also moments of downright GENIUS on offer here, from some elaborately inventive action sequences (a scene involving music as a weapon is beautifully conceived), while the skill of everyone involved is certainly great enough to keep things on the right track and paper over the cracks when they DO appear. Certainly Raimi’s firing on all cylinders here, producing what’s most definitely his best film since the heady days of Spider-Man 2, and it certainly does an admirable job of establishing the Multiverse in the MCU in the interests of opening the franchise up to much wider scope in the interests of moving forward into its future. Maybe bringing him on again for another entry somewhere down the line might be a smart move for Feige and the boys if THESE are the kind of results he can deliver …

17. HELLRAISER – I’ll admit, when I first heard they were making a new soft reboot movie adaptation of Clive Barker’s classic cosmic horror novella The Hellbound Heart, which of course spawned a much beloved cinematic franchise (even though it ultimately went off the rails after the third instalment, albeit with a few decent blips in the interim), I was deeply sceptical. Then I heard that it was going to be directed by David Bruckner, who did such a phenomenal job with the spectacularly creepy horror flick The Ritual, and I started breathing a little easier. Then I heard about some of the casting choices, and it sounded like they were definitely heading in the right direction … and then I saw the trailer, and THAT had me frothing in my excitement. Needless to say when it finally arrived I POUNCED, and it did not disappoint me in the slightest, as you can see. XD Thankfully this has followed the smart move of taking things RIGHT BACK to the start, although this time round they’re trying things a little different, introducing a new, richer narrative take that expands on the established mythology while also carving a fresh path for the future. That being said, the classic ingredients are still present and correct – the lethal puzzle box, the Faustian pact, the Cenobites, it’s all there, and all handled exquisitely. Odessa A’zion (Fam, Grand Army) makes for a plucky and determined but also compellingly vulnerable lead as Riley, a recovering drug addict who stumbles upon the cursed box after one bad night drives her to do something really stupid, but then things go from bad to worse when the device is triggered, the Cenobites come calling and her brother Matt (13 Reasons Why’s Brandon Flynn) is taken. Now she must solve the mystery behind the box’s ever-evolving puzzle in an increasingly desperate bid to find her brother and save her soul from unknowable, nightmarish torments, tumbling headfirst down a dark rabbit hole of twisted conspiracy and demonic vice spearheaded by monstrous nihilistic playboy Roland Voight (Goran Visnjic). Your heart genuinely hurts for A’zion as she goes through hell, but she’s got some impressive steel in her when things get hard, while there’s interesting supporting turns from Adam Faison as Matt’s sweet, straight-laced boyfriend Colin and Drew Starkey (Love, Simon and The Hate U Give) as Riley’s twitchy enabling lover Trevor; Visnjic, meanwhile, brings his inherent edgy dark side to the fore as a suitably despicable, entitled villain, and the Cenobites are a spectacularly nightmarish bunch, especially Sense8’s wondrous Jamie Clayton, who brings us an intriguing and strangely sensuous new take on fan-favourite Pinhead. The horror elements are, interestingly, somewhat stripped back throughout much of the film, Bruckner again clearly preferring to value atmospherics and plot-based intrigue over gruesome shocks and cheap jumpscares as we follow Riley while she delves into a suitably labyrinthine mystery, although when the film DOES decide to get scary it sure don’t pull its punches, delivering some truly twisted moments that are sure to please the hardcore faithful. Gods know I was impressed throughout – no only is this a PHENOMENAL step back in the right direction for a franchise that’s been flagging for far too long, but it’s also a glorious tribute to the undeniable horror master who birthed the original. Clive deserves to be proud, from the looks of this his baby is in very safe hands indeed.

16. BULLET TRAIN – The award for the year’s most spectacularly OTT blockbuster went to the latest magnificently bonkers darkly comic action-packed thrill-ride from hot shit stuntman-turned-director David Leitch (the first John Wick, Atomic Blonde, Deadpool 2, Hobbs & Shaw), which has a title which tells you pretty much all you really NEED to know about this going in. Convinced? Then just go and WATCH IT, you won’t be disappointed, and there are plenty of neat little twists and turns in this that mean this is best watched going in good and cold (ESPECIALLY if you haven’t seen any of the trailers yet). Still with us? Well all right then … adapting Japanese author Kōtarō Isaka’s popular black comedy novel Maria Beetle, it follows a disparate collection of contract killers and a professional thief onboard a speeding Japanese bullet train who are brought into frequent violent collision by a series of bizarre events and the deadly machinations of a brutal legendary crime boss known as The White Death. Brad Pitt is already well-established as a bankable action hero who can easily pull off the physical requirements of his leading man role here, but once again he shows us that what he TRULY excels at is COMEDY, winning us over with brilliant hangdog exasperation as Ladybug, the thief in question who’s long suffered from BIBLICAL levels of bad luck, hired to go onboard purely to steal a briefcase full of money, only to find his personal curse keeps throwing him into increasingly crazy confrontations while he’s desperate to just GET OFF THE TRAIN and deliver his ill-gotten cargo; Kick-Ass’ Aaron Taylor Johnson and Atlanta’s Brian Tyree Henry, meanwhile, are an unapologetically chaotic pair as Tangerine and Lemon, “twin” British hitmen who’ve been charged with rescuing The White Death’s son (Percy Jackson’s Logan Lerman) from kidnappers and returning him to his father, although their constant bickering quickly lands them in much deeper shit once Ladybug’s stolen the case-full of ransom money they liberated while they were at it; then there’s the Father (Snake Eyes’ Andrew Koji, hard-bitten and magnificently vulnerable throughout), who boards the train with the intention of killing the person responsible for putting his young son in a coma, only to fall foul of the devilish machinations of The Prince (The Kissing Booth’s Joey King, manipulative and frequently downright CHILLING in her sociopathic Machiavellian brilliance), a mysterious young woman plotting something truly TERRIBLE when the train reaches its destination; and finally there are excellent supporting turns from the likes of Deadpool 2’s Zazie Beetz, Michael Shannon, Sandra Bullock (wonderful as Ladybug’s much put-upon handler Maria) and the legendary Hiroyuki Sanada in a variety of rich and meaty roles I really couldn’t begin to get into because of, y’know, SPOILERS … needless to say Leitch and his crew are on comfortably firm ground to bring more of their patented overblown mayhem to bear in a series of explosive and frequently batshit mental set-pieces that also play beautifully into the film’s jet-black sense of humour – this is a story that SHOULD NOT be taken seriously for a second, and the hit-rate for the substantial procession of quickfire gags, skits and ingenious call-backs and references is one of the highest I’ve ever seen in an action comedy. The end result is a work of pure mad genius, and despite the critical detractions (and somewhat surprising accusations of whitewashing given the author himself gave the adaptation his full blessing) this is about as close to perfect as an action movie can get, a precision-crafted masterpiece you need to pay close attention to since there’s so much going on and it’s all so intricately important because every brilliant little detail ALWAYS pays off in the end. This is BY FAR the most fun I had at the cinema all summer, some of the most fun I had with a movie ALL YEAR even, and I can’t recommend it enough.

15. DC LEAGUE OF SUPER PETS – My animated favourite of the summer is a pretty interesting beast (yeah, I know, cute choice of words in this context, ha ha ha, etc). I’m sure it was originally conceived as an amusing little distraction for DC Universe fans while their favourite properties’ futures are in such great upheaval on the big screen, but ultimately I think this is actually the one DC flick I’ve come across that most perfectly GETS the overblown hilarity at the centre of the whole property. Certainly Jared Stern (who co-wrote The Lego Batman and Ninjago movies, here marking his second feature as a director after his debut with Netflix romantic comedy Happy Anniversary) understands this better than some, having expertly lampooned (and somewhat perfectly captured) the inherent truths behind the classic core members of the Justice League of America and their encompassing universe in a 105-minute animated comedy adventure that focused everything through the simplified viewpoint of Superman’s beloved pet dog Krypto. Dwayne Johnson (who got his own major DCEU debut when Black Adam hit our screens in the Autumn, for what it was ultimately worth) is a fine choice for the vocal role of the super-pooch in question, who finds himself suddenly de-powered and forced to enlist the help of a quartet of rescue pets who’ve just been “gifted” with superpowers by a tiny fleck of orange Kryptonite – Johnson’s Central Intelligence co-star Kevin Hart is Ace, an independent but loyal boxer dog who becomes super-strong and indestructible, I Love You For That’s Vanessa Bayer as PB, a Wonder Woman-fangirl potbellied pig who develops the ability to grow or shrink to insane degrees at will, Natasha Lyonne as Merton, an incredibly old, extremely near-sighted box turtle who inherits super-speed, and Rogue One’s Diego Luna as Chip, a neurotic squirrel who’s granted lightning powers – acquired by Lulu (Saturday Night Live legend Kate McKinnon), a megalomaniacal hairless guinea pig obsessed with Lex Luther (legendary stand-up comic Marc Maron), whom the shard grants terrifying telekinetic abilities which she uses to imprison the Justice League and kickstart her own plans for world domination. Yeah … sounds pretty bonkers, right? Thing is, anyone who really knows DC Comics knows how this really is pretty par for the course with a lot of DCU backstory, which is definitely something Stern and his regular co-writing collaborator John Whittington totally understand and definitely ran with here – the inherent batshit craziness of the premise is milked for all the comic genius it’s worth, with the film paying delightful homage to the JLA, the titular pets themselves and a whole raft of other brilliant little winks, nods and easter eggs along the way, while also ruthlessly lampooning the DC Universe with utmost love for the property itself. The voice cast are all ON FIRE here, with Johnson and Hart again hitting it off magnificently as a thoroughly entertaining canine odd-couple, while McKinnon consistently steals the film right out from under everybody with her unabashed comic genius, and Lyonne is an absolute delight all on her own; the Justice League, meanwhile, are brilliantly realised in a delightfully skewed comedic take that nonetheless does them all (ahem) justice, pitched to perfection by the likes of John Krasinski (Superman), Jemaine Clement (a cracking piss-take on The Water Guy, Aquaman) and, best of all, Keanu Reeves (a glorious deconstruction of Batman at his broodiest). The animation is some of the best CGI work I’ve seen from the Warner Animation Group to date, the set-pieces are definitely pitched for laughs but surprisingly well-done in pure action terms, and the humour levels really are full-on OFF THE CHARTS here, but Stern and Whittington have also wisely injected a whole lot of emotional heft and pure HEART into the film too. The result is an animated feature that’s a thorough joy to behold, keeping you gripped, entertained and stuck in the feels right through to the end. This is definitely a film anyone trying to make a GOOD DCEU movie NEEDS TO WATCH, because it’s about as true to the Universe as I’ve EVER seen a movie get … even while mercilessly spoofing it …

14. BELFAST – Kenneth Brannagh’s an interesting duck. As an actor, I love his work, he’s consistently impressed me over the years, blowing me away with some truly spectacular performances, whether in his favoured territory (essaying Shakespeare) or doing something fun and different (such as The Road to El Dorado), or even just providing some solid support to other stars in a smaller role (Dunkirk instantly springs to mind); as a director, on the other hand … yeah, the results have been mixed at best. For every masterpiece like Henry V, Much Ado About Nothing, Thor or Murder On the Orient Express, he’s also brought us dreck like Dead Again, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein or (gods help us) Artemis Fowl, and a fair amount in the middle ground that’s either kinda meh or actually not too bad if you just go with it (Hamlet, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit and Peter’s Friends are certainly ones I actually kinda liked). Approaching a new release, therefore, is always a trepidatious business, you never know what you’re gonna get … so you can probably imagine my surprise when his OTHER latest offering (JUST preceding the pretty decent Death On the Nile) ACTUALLY turned out to be the very best feature I’ve ever seen from him. Then again, this is BY FAR his most personal film to date, Brannagh going RIGHT back to his roots with a semi-autobiographical story which is HEAVILY based on his own personal experiences as a boy growing up in the titular city in Ireland at the height of the Troubles, specifically the August Riots of 1969. The film is told largely from the point of view of nine year-old Buddy (newcomer Jude Hill), the younger son of a small working class family living on a mixed denomination street, who find themselves in the middle of a powder-keg when anti-Catholic resentment starts to boil over in their neighbourhood. His dreamer “Pa” (Jamie Dornan) is looking at the possibility of a brighter future for him and his family if they move abroad to greener pastures, but forceful and pragmatic “Ma” (The Beauty Inside and Ford V Ferrari’s Catriona Balfe) just wants to stay put, and both are forced to make hard choices that directly affect the family’s future as the Troubles start to impact their lives as a whole. Dornan and Balfe are both exceptional throughout, Balfe in particularly shouldering a lot of the film’s heavy lifting with spectacular skill and undeniable talent, while Dame Judi Dench and Ciaran Hinds warm our cockles and pluck at our heartstrings in equal measure as Buddy’s grandparents, two people who are clearly still deeply in love even in the twilight of their time together, and Merlin’s Colin Morgan brings a charged menace to proceedings as the film’s nominal villain, Billy Clanton, an up-and-comer in the local sectarian movement who wants Pa to join The Cause. Buddy’s the undeniable beating heart of the film, though, Hill instantly showing he’s gonna be a star in the future as he essentially brings a young Brannagh to life, a deeply imaginative boy who loves movies and science fiction (especially Star Trek) but is struggling to find his place in the world and what’s going on around him. The director shows as much skill with his writing as he does behind the camera, weaving a compellingly rich tapestry out of a deceptively simple storyline and bringing some genuinely palpable, fully realised characters to vital breathing life (although I guess he had STRONG inspiration to draw from), as well as paying frequent, loving respect to all the massive influences he’s drawn from over the years, from the films he grew up with (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and One Million Years BC among others) to the music his parents taught him to love (the soundtrack includes several gems from the great Van Morrison). The resulting film is a powerful and rewarding experience, a clear labour of love which is equal parts dramatic, moving, heart-breaking, warmly funny and deeply inspiring. Brannagh wins our hearts by wearing his on his sleeve.

13. THE BLACK PHONE – I see now why Scott Derrickson pulled out of directing the second Doctor Strange film – he had to get what was ALMOST the horror highlight of the summer out of his system. Adapting Joe Hill’s short story with his Sinister co-writer C. Robert Cargill, Derrickson’s comfortably ensconced back in the genre he clearly resonates with best, crafting a fiendishly complex and spine-chillingly intense suspense thriller out of a deceptively simple premise that, at least on the surface, has been reworked more than once before on the big screen. The year is 1978 (that’s when I was born!), and a serial killer is stalking the suburban streets of Denver – the Grabber, a mysterious man-in-a-van who kidnaps teenage boys who are never seen again. His latest victim is Finney (For All Mankind’s Mason Thames), who wakes up in a basement with a defunct payphone on the wall before being periodically visited by the mysterious masked killer (Sinister’s Ethan Hawke) who repeatedly tries to involve Finney in his wicked, sadistic mind-games … only for him to be warned of his fate and coached on how he might escape by the spirits of the Grabber’s previous victims, with whom he communicates through the broken phone (yeah, I know it sounds like a bonkers premise but it’s portrayed in such an ingenious way you never once fail to swallow it hook, line and sinker). Meanwhile his younger sister Gwen (The Mandela Effect’s Madeleine McGraw) is trying to find him with the help of her wildly unpredictable psychic dreams, despite the consternation of her troubled father (the incomparable Jeremy Davies) and the deep scepticism of the detectives assigned to the case. Hawke delivers what’s definitely his most unhinged performance to date, taking his charismatic, likeable leading man persona and tearing it to shreds by investing the Grabber with an air of unpredictable menace and sadistic malevolence that frequently chills the blood even though he spends essentially the whole film with his face obscured by an intriguingly malleable demonic facemask; the two young leads, meanwhile, are both an absolute revelation, with Thames bringing an unbearably palpable uncertainty and vulnerability to Finney which makes his ultimate manning up so deeply fulfilling, while McGraw is a sweet but decidedly salty (and sometimes VERY SWEARY) joy in a rewarding turn which steals every scene she’s in; in the supporting stakes, Davies is enjoyably complex, a drink-addled bad-dad who nonetheless has a good heart beaten down by powerful personal tragedy which ultimately makes us root for him, especially when he finally starts to open himself up to the possibility that Gwen might actually be onto something, while Sinister and It Chapter 2’s James Ransome delivers a delightful crackpot turn as a local conspiracy theorist who thinks he’s got it all worked out. This is a beautifully written film, skilfully realised by a marvellous up-and-coming talent of literary horror and then further refined by a true master of the genre on the big screen, Derickson constantly defying expectation as he throws perfectly pitched twists and turns at us before finally bringing the film to its nail-biting, piano wire-taut climax. Far as I’m concerned this is the best film he’s ever made, and with his track record that’s an impressive feat – I can only hope this is a sign of even greater things to come from him in the future …

12. KIMI – we were already getting movies about the COVID outbreak and the resulting chaos that the Coronavirus has wrought upon us around the world as early as late 2020, but for the most part it’s largely been small, under-the-radar indie stuff. Now we’re starting to get BIG stuff, and the latest from Steven Soderbergh is one of the most impressive offerings I’ve seen to date. Written by thriller cinema extraordinaire David Koepp (Carlito’s Way, Panic Room, Stir of Echoes), this is a spectacularly taut and blissfully streamlined suspense thriller that not only brings the impact of the Pandemic into sharp perspective, but also our growing overreliance on smart device technology and social media – altogether then, fertile ground for a socially-conscious filmmaker like Soderbergh, who essentially PREDICTED all the shit COVID just put us through with 2011’s terrifyingly prescient outbreak-thriller Contagion. The Kimi of the title is the latest creation of the film’s fictional tech conglomerate Amygdala and its visionary CEO Bradley Hasling (Derek DelGaudio), an all-encompassing smart speaker which revolutionises the technology by taking the potentially controversial step of having live human moderators overseeing its operation instead of AI in order to cut down on potential voice recognition-based cock-ups. The film’s main narrative focuses on one of these moderators, Angela Childs (Zoe Kravitz), whose long-standing social anxiety and agoraphobia have been immensely exacerbated by lockdown to the detriment of many aspects of her life. Then a routine review of some of her daily moderations uncovers something deeply disturbing – what sounds to her VERY MUCH like a break-in and the murder of a Kimi owner. Under pressure from Amygdala to bury the information but driven by her own conscience and personal trauma from a similar incident, Angela decides to take matters into her own hands instead … this might be the best performance I’ve EVER seen Kravitz deliver (which is definitely saying something when we just saw her PERFECTLY embody one of my favourite comic book characters of all time), as she invests Angela with twitchy awkwardness but also fierce, unshakeable determination when faced with insurmountable obstacles, creating one of the most refreshingly compelling and resourceful lead protagonists I’ve come across in cinema, and since big chunks of the narrative are a one-woman show with many of her interactions with other characters playing out through phones and computer screens, this means she largely DOMINATES the film. That’s not to say there aren’t other great performances in this – DelGaudio does a lot with quite a small part, while there are excellent turns from Byron Bowers (The Chi, Honey Boy) as Angela’s occasional casual friend-with-benefits, Terry, who wants to become something more to her, Devin Ratray (Blue Ruin, The Tick) as Kevin, a fellow shut-in neighbour, and Rita Wilson (Runaway Bride, The Good Wife) as Natalie Chowdury, an executive with Amygdala to whom Angela attempts to blow the whistle on her findings. Soderberg and Koepp have crafted a spectacularly suspenseful thriller which expertly ratchets up the atmospheric dread of Angela’s situation from the slowburn scene-setting start to the fraught and harrowing climax, the film’s determination to keep its focus squarely on Angela meaning that we’re right there in the thick of it with her throughout all her anxiety, paranoia, terror and downright feral fight for life. This is one of the best films either Soderbergh OR Koepp have delivered in a good while, and definitely one of the year’s top big screen thrillers. Not bad for something which was inspired by and executed entirely in the midst of COVID.

11. ENOLA HOLMES 2 – Back in 2020, while we were waiting for Guy Ritchie’s long-mooted but still conspicuously absent third Sherlock Holmes movie, we got a welcome surprise from another quarter – director Harry Bradbeer, taking a break from making TV shows like Fleabag with something a good deal more ambitious, and screenwriter Jack Thorne (His Dark Materials, Wonder). Adapting the intriguing “AU” young adult novels of Nancy Springer, they brought her intriguing character to the fore, unleashing Sherlock and Mycroft’s previously unknown kid sister Enola Holmes upon the cinematic world in fine style in the form of Stranger Things’ Millie Bobby Brown. The resulting breezy, cheeky and enjoyably irreverent mystery adventure was, rightly, a major hit for Netflix when they released it in the middle of the Pandemic, so it was a no-brainer for them to order a sequel right away, and having had a ball on the first, Bradbeer and Thorne were HAPPY to deliver once again. Better yet, the resulting sequel is JUST AS GOOD as its predecessor … after the events of the first film, Enola’s trying to carve out her own career as a sleuth-for-hire like her brother, but the inherent prejudices of Victorian society regarding her youth and, more importantly, GENDER are very much working against her … until she finds herself called upon to help a young matchgirl who wants to find her missing sister, and once again Enola finds that her seemingly simple case is, in fact, just the tip of a massive conspiratorial iceberg, one which also relates to her brother Sherlock’s own latest case, one which seems to be vexing him like none before. Once again, it’s an absolute joy to join Brown on her adventures, the immensely talented ingenue perfectly portraying a fiendishly brilliant, naturally-talented mistress of detection whose frequent fourth-wall-breaking asides always tickle me; Henry Cavill, meanwhile, is once again clearly having immense fun as the most famous gentleman sleuth of all time, as well as getting to bring an intriguing new dimension to his portrayal as we see Sherlock revealing frustration and ennui for the first time as he has to deal with a mystery that just doesn’t make sense. When they’re together they’re a joy to behold, and I truly hope we’ll get to see more of them working as a team in the inevitable follow-ups, while the other returning faces from the first film are all given plenty of time to shine in their own right here too, from Louis Partridge (Pistol) as sweet but quietly determined young Viscount Tewkesbury to Helena Bonham Carter as Enola and Sherlock’s wayward revolutionary mother Eudoria, while there are some equally talented newcomers to enjoy here too, with David Thewlis’ brilliant but hateful corrupt Scotland Yard Superintendent Grail particularly impressing here, while the film does a brilliant job of introducing a couple of other key characters from Arthur Conan Doyle’s pantheon for future instalments in suitably interesting ways. As with the first film, this is a bright and breezy adventure that rattles along at an impressive clip, Thorne’s razor sharp script sparking and fizzing appropriately as the story unfolds, while we have plenty of fun following Enola as she navigates her world’s various social pitfalls and idiosyncrasies with her usual irrepressible determination and exasperation. Once again, it’s also frequently LAUGH-OUT-LOUD funny, from Brown’s adorably playful narration to the perfectly observed social satire … that being said, there’s also a good deal of HEART here too, with the central story dealing with some very potent hot button subject matter which is as relevant today as when it was actually happening (no I WON’T say what, you’ll just have to watch it and find out). Altogether this is another phenomenal instalment in an already brilliant new franchise, and one which EASILY rivals the other popular, established adaptations we already know and love regarding Conan Doyle’s more famous Holmes sibling, and I for one cannot wait to see what Bradbeer, Thorne, Brown, Cavill et al are gonna bring us next …

#the woman king #the tragedy of macbeth #doctor strange in the multiverse of madness #hellraiser #hellraiser 2022 #bullet train #bullet train movie #DC league of super pets #belfast #belfast movie #the black phone #kimi #kimi movie #enola holmes 2 #2022 in movies

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sunsets-from-a-rearview-mirror · 6 months

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y’know its crazy, absolutely insane how some things just happen. its a cliche that a girl will marry some version/variant of her dad, like a guy thats really similar. and i’ve always believed this cause my dad is a lot like my grandfather in many ways, my mom agrees. it was always one of the reasons i was anti love i guess when i was younger, i didn’t want to lead another generation of that, i wanted to be independent and self sufficient and not end up with someone like that.

this was only further reinforced when i realized that the two guys that had crushes on me in elementary and middle school, reminded me a lot of my dad. i had never been so thankful that i never reciprocated, avoided a prophecy being fulfilled.

and then i fell for someone for the first time. and she didn’t particularly remind me of anyone. a breath of fresh air maybe, even tho we had been in the same circles for years without ever really noticing it. she reminded me of me a little, for all our commonalities it only made sense. she was someone i looked up to as well as someone i wanted to take care of. i loved her, still love her actually, don’t know if it’ll ever stop.

but i’ve realized, she’s a lot like my dad. they have the same zodiac sign, and are both pretty good examples of it (cancer). she likes eating out more than from home but dislikes leftovers. she’d get tired of the same food multiple days in a row. she loves video games, especially the horror/shooter type currently. the way they process emotions, or rather don’t, is similar also. both are meticulously punctual (its stresses both me and my mom out tbh). i feel like i have to walk on eggshells around either of them sometimes, and sometimes neither of them really listen. i have a hard time opening up to both of them and want to act strong in front of them (for very different reasons). but i care for both of them, in different ways of course. and i want them both to be happy and safe. i wish she could confide in me more and i wish my dad could show a little more emotion sometimes, at the end of the day i want the best for both of them.

all this to say, i guess i just find it funny how true and unavoidable some things really are.

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amariemelody · 3 years

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As much as it’s an absolute bop, I think the song “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” in the movie Encanto carries a symbolic choice in its wording that goes beyond its catchiness.

Even before you learn the full situation of Bruno’s absence from the family, you get half the picture thru the song: Bruno’s power of clairvoyance was Inconvenient To The Family And Village, But Especially To Abuela Alma and so...he had to go.

It’s interesting that the song isn’t titled, say, “Where Is Bruno?” or “Don’t Come Back, Bruno” or even just “We Don’t Know Where Bruno Is”.

No, the song title is an assertion that the subject of Bruno is one we simply do not broach.

A huge, huge theme in Encanto is generational trauma. And one of the perpetual curses of generational trauma is We Don’t Talk About X. Sometimes X is something that hurts us (i.e, Bruno’s visions and other seemingly odd behaviors) and/or X is something that we did to hurt someone else (i.e, the family and village’s continual rejection and depreciation of Bruno to the point where he left and never came back).

Thus we get “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”.

The overall policy of not talking about...what needs to be talked about is often how generational trauma is not only created to begin with, but also how it is allowed to continue through new generation after generation with very little end in sight.

Not talking about things is often thought of as a way to not only avoid The Problem(s), but to deny there are The Problem(s). It’s almost a childish way of thinking that if we don’t acknowledge it then it doesn’t/can’t/won’t hurt and will somehow magically (haha) go away and stay away. And of course that never works; The Problem(s) must be dealt with or else The Problem(s) will deal with you.

And I’m not preaching from the pulpit about this-I’ve never even been to Colombia but like a lot of people I relate so much to Encanto because my family suffers from generational trauma too. Starting from my own mother (and her devil of a mother before her), there have been many things that are swept under the rug and quite a few have exploded until they needed to be dealt with...and sometimes it’s been too long that an apology/gradual change in behavior wasn’t fully enough to mend the “cracks” in our own casita, y’know?

The Problem doesn’t go away-it just festers and festers until it deals with you.

And The Problem not going away is amazingly symbolized in the song “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”. We see that, actually...Bruno truly hasn’t gone away. During Dolores’ dope ass verse, you can see his greenish shadow in the background on the balcony, not unlike as though he were a specter; in Camilo’s equally dope ass verse, Camilo still remembers enough about what his uncle looks like to transform into him (minus the exaggerated “7 foot frame”-he seems hardly taller than Mirabel herself); both Isabela and Dolores still remember positive prophecies from him, one about growth in power and one about future true love; so many of the villagers still remember much less positive prophecies from him; and his room is still present in the house, never mind that it’s off limits.

Not Talking About Bruno does not at all mean Bruno has gone away.

Even greater than what Bruno’s continued presence means, there’s also what his continued implicit absence means. Alongside her siblings and cousins, Mirabel has been deprived of having such a selfless, loving uncle in her life who, in leaving, did what he thought best to put her before himself even while knowing she’d never be aware of his sacrifice; Julieta and Pepa have been deprived of their only brother; and Abuela Alma has been deprived of her only son. That continued absence is yet another Problem.

Also not talking about Bruno is really not unlike how the family deals with Mirabel, whose continued visible presence with her ordinary lack of magical powers they cannot escape/erase. That is, the songwriters could easily write a song titled, “We Don’t Talk To Mirabel”.

From what I see, Abuela Alma certainly goes out of her way to not talk to Mirabel unless it’s within 1 of 3 contexts:

Why are you in my direct line of sight and, whatever reason you (quickly) give, wrap it up so that you’re properly out of my sight.

What are you doing and, whatever you (quickly) tell me you are doing, wrap it up so you’re not reminding me that you’re The Problem.

Please remember the best thing you can do for the family and specifically me is to Be Seen, Not Heard.

I and a whole lot of audience of course see this as insidiously but extremely cruel from Abuela Alma to her own flesh-and-blood granddaughter. In its insidiousness, in the narrative we also Don’t Talk About The Effects This Has On Mirabel, i.e, her terribly low self-esteem and high frustration/resentment; her trauma at the constant exclusion and depreciation; and her powerful, pressurizing need to prove herself worthy. To prove herself even present.

Now I will say that...I don’t feel like a whole lot of the family follows Abuela’s example on how to treat Mirabel. Certainly her parents protect and nurture their daughter as much as they can against their matriarch’s mistreatment of her. Her 3 cousins are certainly loving enough to her in my opinion, particularly Antonio (and I want to write a whole post on his representation sometime, too!), and you get the sense that if Luisa had more time she’d dote on and nurture her baby sister much, much more.

Isabela is the only one who seems to be the worst offender.For example, after it’s announced in the song that Mariano, Isabela’s betrothed, and his mother are on his way, Isabela sings an interesting line to Mirabel:

“Hey, sis, I want not a sound out of you”

...Which is pretty in line with Abuela Alma’s standard cruel treatment and policy with Mirabel: Be Seen, Not Heard And You Won’t Be The Problem.

(And on a side note, I’m 1000% of the mind that Mariano would be an excellent big brother-in-law and be so loving and nurturing to Mirabel. I don’t think he would’ve found her comparative ordinariness an issue at all.)

(Another, another side note: I’m also of the mind that Isabela’s initial copying of Abuela Alma’s treatment of Mirabel is a kind of rebound envy and resentment because while Mirabel can’t grab just some spotlight no matter how hard she tries, Isabela can’t ever get out of all the spotlight no matter how hard she tries. I think it’s inverse brands of spotlight pressures going in different directions with the resentments...well, going in the wrong directions.)

Going back to Bruno and the song title “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”, that curse of generational trauma doesn’t start to break itself until, well...we talk about Bruno. And there’s a short, but explicit line Camilo and Antonio in the song “All of You” that states as much:

“Okay, so we’re gonna talk about Bruno? (That’s Bruno)

Yeah, there’s a lot to say about Bruno

For sure there’s a lot of things to say about Bruno-and I love, love, love that Bruno is able to (re)claim in his agency in the narrative by being able to explain himself in his own verse right after the above one.

Not only are we going to talk about Bruno, but Bruno gets to be the one to talk.

And Mirabel gets talked to by Abuela Alma-she is finally afforded positive attention from and nurtured by her grandmother.

Now, I absolutely don’t think everything becomes and stays magically (haha) fine by the end of the movie. There’s a lot of work to do. Abuela Alma definitely has a long way to go in showing her apology to her family; she has a lot of nurturing and uplifting of Mirabel to make up for (the heavy lifting that Julieta does in lavishing her daughter in that kind of love...yeah-that); the rest of the magical family will still have their work cut out for them in un-internalizing that the extent of their worth stretches as far as their powers and their usefulness does; the rest of the family has a lot of catching up to do with Bruno; and the new, healthier home environment must be reinforced with little Antonio, the baby of the Madrigals.

But it’s that Talking About Things that were previously Not Talked About that starts the much healthier phenomenon of breaking the curse of generational trauma.

It’s so simple yet so profound. I just love it.

#...In-between work this took me a whopping 4 days to write...lord h'mercy...#Encanto #Generational trauma #Meta #Amarie talks #Long post

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blueheartedmayor · 2 years

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Muse Update: Dante

It was a quiet evening at the Moonlight Roller. Once more, Dante had claimed a seat at the bar so he could study in a different environment. It was fine by Wilford, who was happy to serve customers and organise things. It was movement while cleaning a shelf that caught Dante’s eye. Wilford was dusting a photograph taken of the two of them. The reporter’s smile matched that of the Colonel exactly, as though the latter had simply decided to go through a new phase rather than years of grief and madness.

“... Will? Can I ask you something?” For now, the pencil was placed on top of the notebook. At the sound of his name, Wilford spun on the ball of his foot to face his friend. “How exactly do you continue... Being you? After everything that has happened, you’re still... Almost exactly as you’ve always been.”

The former soldier chuckled, tugging both ends of the moustache to allow the natural black strands to appear in the midst of the pink. There was no point acting innocent to someone who was trained to see through lies. “Took a while. Helps ta have put it all away ta th’ point where I thought I forgot it all. When stuff comes through, it’s in little dribs an’ drabs that are easier ta manage. Ya never had that, did ya?”

“Unfortunately not.” Dante lifted the glass of water, mulling over his reflection that rippled on the surface. He’d never dare say any of this normally, but he trusted Wilford. Not only that, anyone who might understand the context of the conversation were absent from the premise. “Yet, with all that time, you’d think I’d have a better handle on it all. I spent a lifetime learning how to handle matters that were forced onto me, and here I am, unable to handle one more.”

“Preeetttty sure this isn’t th’ same as tryin’ ta not work in yer family’s office.”

“I’m still being forced to do things I don’t want to do. The mission I set out to complete... Is it just a self-fulfilling prophecy of being a villain?”

“That’s a matter of opinion, really. Y’know, just like how everyone has a side ta a story? That sorta thing.” Wilford slumped forward to lean against the counter and give Dante his full attention. “Not that ya asked fer my opinion, but y’ve got a lotta different things ta deal with at th’ same time. If yer trying ta solve ‘em all at once, yer not gonna get anywhere. Is there anythin’ that’s small enough that ya might be able ta handle first?”

Dante hesitated, looking at his hand. The faint purple glow was there, wavering slightly at the stress of even considering this topic.

“I suppose there is a question of identity. I’m not like others who shared my fate.”

Wilford chortled. “Ya sound real edgy sayin’ that. But it’s a good start! How can ya figure out all th’ stuff if ya can’t even answer who ya are. But between us, I’m glad yer not ‘Dark’. Never liked ya like that, an’ I’ve got a scar ta prove it.”

“I suppose I too am glad I don’t see myself as that monster anymore -” Dante cut himself off. There he was again, using the word ‘monster’ in a negative connotation.

“Dante? Somethin’ up?”

“Hm? Nothing... Just had an idea on how I might start approaching that topic, that’s all.”

#(when I tell you this all slapped me in the face just now)#(I have a LOT of thoughts about this and he needs to go talk to O.ogie but this bit first)#muse update

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makeste · 4 years

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BnHA Chapter 288: ZOOM AND ENHANCE

Previously on BnHA: Tomura, AFO, Deku, and Nana all met up inside of OFA and were all, “wow this is awkward.” AFO talked a whole bunch about vestiges before realizing that nobody cared (EXCEPT FOR ME. I CARED!!), and was then all “anyway so just to get everyone up to speed here, Tomura is Nana’s grandson.” OFA appeared and was all “what up bro I see you’re still a dick”, and then everyone stood around for a bit waging psychokinetic war on each other and blowing up on the ground and shit. This didn’t really accomplish anything, so AFO shifted gears and started trash talking Deku instead, because he’s a whiny little punkass loser who can’t admit when his brother has gotten the best of him yet again! OFA was all “anyways Deku rules and haters gonna hate, peace”, and then everyone wooshed back out of OFA and back into the real world, Deku with his quirk still intact. Meanwhile Gigantomachia and the LoV stampeded ever closer to the city, and Toga started monologuing in preparation for a seemingly inevitable battle with Ochako! And then the chapter basically just ended there lol.

Today on BnHA: Imagine you are Uraraka Ochako. And you’re out here doing what you do best, saving bitches and being a badass, when all of a sudden some old lady runs up to you and is all “PLEASE HELP ME, MY HUSBAND IS ASLEEP OR SOME SHIT, YOU KNOW US OLD PEOPLE, WE’RE SO FUCKING FEEBLE AND HAPLESS.” And so you’re all “OF COURSE” because you’re a good fucking person, and then she speeds off like she’s got fucking wheels and it’s like damn, grandma, were you in varsity track or what, and then OUT OF NOWHERE she just spontaneously turns into HIMIKO FUCKING TOGA. And she’s all naked and shit, and it’s like damn, Toga, where are your clothes, and she just giggles and ducks into a nearby building. And so you follow her for god knows what reason, and she fucking pounces on you and starts interrogating you in like the most seductive way possible, and you’re all wtf is this. Like, can you even imagine. Anyway so Ochako is having quite a day.

okay lol so I’ve gotta kind of rush through this since I’ve got other stuff I need to wrap up today as well, so! fingers crossed that we get a nice, simple chapter with no controversies or elaborate revelations or anything like that! just give me lots of stuff to mindlessly keysmash about, Horikoshi. I’m counting on you bro

lol what

an actual fucking plane?? is that allowed?? how bizarrely normal. are we sure this plane does not shoot lasers or something or is powered by someone with like a fusion reactor quirk idk

and who tf is Takeo-san. some random guy Horikoshi is suddenly introducing after 300 chapters to come save everyone at the last minute? pretty sus. Horikoshi is this your self insert

GASP

NO WAY THIS IS ALL MIGHT, RIGHT?? holy shit I swear to god if it’s All Might this lady needs to TURN THE FUCK AROUND RIGHT NOW. stop at McDonalds, order a black coffee for herself and only herself, and drive the rest of the way back home without so much as a bathroom break. there are certain prophecies which we don’t need to be tempting right now, okay people?? holy shit

(ETA: OR, here’s a thought, WHAT IF IT’S BEST JEANIST. hope springs eternal lmao. anyways though surely it’s not actually All Might. he can’t die yet, he’s got like 5 million secret things he needs to explain to Deku, and also Kacchan is unconscious and he can’t just SLEEP RIGHT THROUGH ALL MIGHT’S DEATH like come on.)

oh look more heroes all lining up to be slaughtered by Machia

real talk, at this point their priority should just be evacuating any citizens in Machia’s path, and then getting the fuck out of his way. none of them stand a chance in hell at stopping him and they know it. the body count is already high enough as it is. regroup and live to fight another day, people

anyway, so Machia is apparently plowing through cities at 100km per hour. that... actually might not be fast enough. Gunga and Jakku were 80km apart, so at that rate it would take him nearly an hour to reach Tomura. that fight’s gonna be long done by the time they get there. huh

okay these guys are saying he’s going to reach them in about 8 minutes. ?? so are you telling me Tomura and Deku and the rest have been fighting for like 40 minutes already?? lmao Gran probably bled to death half an hour ago at this rate. Horikoshi please explain yourself. some of us spent our entire childhoods doodling comics instead of paying attention in math and science AND IT SHOWS

anyway so this is all very bad and this guy is really rubbing it in just how bad it is

I mean... yeah. obviously the villains are still to blame at the core of it all, but yeah. feels like you all could have planned a hell of a lot better for this. you knew there was the risk of Tomura waking up, and you knew there was also the risk of Gigantomachia waking up as well. and you pretty much had no contingency plan at all huh. society is really gonna be in shambles after this

lmao look at this shit. Machia is so big at this point that it looks like they’re having a picnic in the middle of some desert somewhere. at what point does it cease being a guy’s back and start being its own zip code

even has its own wifi. amazing

oh shit Compress apparently spotted someone and he’s asking Skeptic to “zoom and enhance” like it’s CS fucking I. that’s not how it works Compress you fucking boomer

anyway so OF COURSE,

was there a reason you needed to zoom in on them, other than to trigger Toga?? some people just want to watch the world burn

so Toga is now GEARIN’ UP!!

that honestly is so fucking handy. over at U.A. they have to carry their gear in briefcases like scrubs. does Compress actually have the best quirk in the world?? it flies under the radar so well that I always forget about it, but like WHAT CAN’T IT DO though, y’know??

WELL WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN MY DUDE

“oh hey is that the U.A. kids? Skeptic could you please zoom in on them for absolutely no reason? OH MY GOD TOGA IS RUNNING OFF TO FIGHT THEM, OH MY GOD WHO COULD HAVE FORESEEN, OH MY GOD”

now he’s all “DABI PLEASE DO SOMETHING” but Dabi is all “DABI DON’T CARE”

Dabi don’t care about NOTHING OR NO ONE!! Dabi don’t got time for this

lmao I literally forgot that Spinner was even there, shit

so are you gonna go with her then or not? because I got news for you dude, it doesn’t matter how heartwarming your speech is, nothing can stop this girl now that she’s gone full distracted boyfriend meme

AW BUT IT REALLY IS HEARTWARMING THOUGH

Spinner is the glue keeping this dysfunctional Addams family together honestly. too bad he couldn’t stop Compress from OPENING HIS BIG DUMB MOUTH ah well

lmao but he’s letting her go anyway though

Spinner for new LoV President. all in favor??

ANYWAYS LOL THIS IS BAD

“ACCELERATE EVACUATIONS” LOL WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO OCHAKO HE’S MOVING AT 100KM AN HOUR AND HE’S LIKE FUCKING GODZILLA SIZED FKJLK

“PLEASE RUN OUTSIDE OF THE VILLAIN’S PERIPHERY” well thank fucking god the people have you guys to guide them what would they even do without you lklkhlkds

NO HORIKOSHI DON’T YOU DARE

IF YOU HURT MY GIRL FROPPY I SWEAR TO GOD!! LEAVE HER ALONE YOU BRIGAND

OH THANK GOD

“sorry for SAVING YOUR LIFE” smh. anyway so how fucking badass is Ochako though?? can we just talk about this. THE GIRL POWER ARC STRIKES AGAIN hot damn

(ETA: and btw, seeing as Iida is nowhere to be found, I’d say odds are pretty good that they did in fact send him to go warn the Endeavorsquad of Gigantomachia’s imminent arrival. godspeed Iida! they need all the help they can get right now honestly.)

EXCUSE ME BUT ARE YOU TOGA

IS THIS TOGA. THIS IS DEFINITELY TOGA OMG

“I IMMEDIATELY TRUST YOU AND I WILL FOLLOW YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH” noooo Ochako nooooo

damn Toga you really drained some poor old lady’s blood just so you could pull this kind of sneaky shit. I forgot how much I loved you

ohhhh lol so it’s her “husband” that is Takeo-san lol

THE BETTER TO LURE YOU INTO A TRAP MY DEAR

lmao Ochako you rube

now you’ve done it Toga. there is nothing Ochako loves more than a good old fashioned Old People Romance. DID YOU KNOW SHE HAS SEEN THE NOTEBOOK LIKE FIFTY TIMES. AND NO MATTER WHAT, IT ALWAYS GETS HER AT THE END. meanwhile I just want to watch a movie where James Marsden actually gets the girl for once but we all know that will never happen

OH MY

ngl this page would be like a thousand times better if Ochako was still blushing omg. did I ship this before?? I honestly can’t remember but I sure as fuck ship it now goddammit

(ETA: pretty sure I shipped it back during the Forest arc too but I don’t have time to check right now lol. but Toga is just so horny on main for everyone, all the time, and so like, it’s hard not to ship it.)

so now Toga is running off all flirtatiously and Ochako is barreling after her lol

plot twist, Takeo-san is actually in there. and he has NO IDEA what’s going on. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WIFE. WHY IS THERE A GIANT MOLE MAN BURROWING THROUGH THE CITY

Ochako why on earth would you follow Toga into this dark creepy house where she could spring at you from any angle out of nowhere. just go back outside and float up over it until you have a high enough vantage point to see all the exits and just wait for her to come out

Toga says she wanted to talk to Tsuyu-chan as well, but let’s be real, you and her don’t have the same kind of electrically charged kismesis energy that you’ve got going on with Ochako though

LMAO DEKU NOWHERE IS SAFE

getting dragged like a fucking wedding train and he’s not even there to defend himself, shit

blah blah blah just ask her your question already Toga

MY WORD

would someone please inform Toga that this manga is only rated PG-13

so now Ochako is all “seriously Toga wtf”

you see that’s what I wanted to know too, lol. I really like that the characters actually think about these things and ask these kind of questions. that’s exactly the contrast between the heroes and the villains right there. the villains care about each other, they’ll give each other heartwarming speeches to please come back alive, and yet they’re utterly indifferent to the thousands of people being killed as they demolish their way through city after city. meanwhile by contrast Ochako’s first thought upon being erotically waylaid by her sexy knife-wielding archnemesis is “but what about that poor old lady is she all right.” just completely opposite energies, almost to a hilarious degree. like maybe Ochako actually should worry about herself just a little bit more lol but heroes gonna hero

and so now what, Toga!! you’re gonna pout about it?? like she’s betrayed you somehow?

anyway so that’s the end of the chapter! and I’ll just come right out and say that I’m hoping that this fight ends up being something where Toga maybe starts to see things just a little bit more from Ochako’s point of view, and not the other way around, because otherwise I’ll be a little frustrated, ngl. the manga has done an excellent job of making the villains likeable and relatable and getting us to sympathize with them up till this point, but at some point it’s got to start refuting some of these arguments and making it clear that the villains do not actually have any kind of moral high ground here

and also! I really like Toga and would like her to have some kind of redemption arc! but as of now that’s looking to be really difficult if not impossible to pull off, because Toga hasn’t exactly shown a whole lot of remorse for anything she’s done so far, you know? because she doesn’t see it as bad in any way; to her it’s just her way of expressing love, and being true to who she is. but being true to yourself really should NOT involve, you know, MURDER, and so yeah. it’s a problem lmao

but who knows! maybe this battle with Ochako will be the start of something which eventually leads to some sort of change within her! I have absolutely no idea how that could play out tbh, but even so I can hope! either that or she will double down on the whole “villains are victims and heroes are apathetic cruel hypocrites” ideology and decide she wants to kill Ochako and Izuku for breaking her heart, in which case I will be very sad, but I guess if that’s the way Horikoshi’s gonna play it it is what it is!

and lastly, so is this going to be like the final battle between them or something?? surely not, right? like this is just round 2 of 3. well at any rate, it’s sure going to be interesting

#bnha 288 #himiko toga #uraraka ochako #asui tsuyu #mr. compress #league of villains #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

Text

Shout out to that time in the preboot universe, when Lilith showed up to Donna’s wedding to the red-headed man she’d once prophesied Donna would marry and who would die horribly and thus is the reason Donna broke up with Roy originally, thinking the prophecy was about him, (its a long story, just go with it).....

.....and so then here’s Lilith just popping up at the Wedding of Doom she forewarned against, after being out of touch for ages, but she’s flying solo with no plus one and thus no sign of her caveman boyfriend Gnaark (its a long story, just go with it) and when all the other Titans were like hey wtf where’s Gnaark she was just like oh something terrible happened there but I don’t want to get into it now, its a wedding, cheers, because Lilith just does that, when she’s done talking she’s done talking lmao.....

....and then this winged angel named Azrael started popping up all the time and the other Titans are like wtf Lilith, is this dude stalking you, and she just casually waves them off and is like oh yeah, he’s been doing that for ages, he wants me to be his ‘mate’ or whatever, its this whole thing. Don’t worry about it though, its no big deal.’ Because again, Lilith’s just like that.

And then when Azrael keeps showing up Lilith starts glowing every time he’s near and turning into a combustion engine about to blow, and her teammates are like Lil, once again we are just here begging you to call this a big deal, this dude seems to be turning you into a human glowstick, but Lilith is just like omg stop being so dramatic, that has nothing to do with him even, I’ve been having those little ‘heat attacks’ for like years, and the Titans are like WTF LIL, WHY DID YOU NOT MENTION THIS BEFORE, and she’s just like ‘I forgot to okay, god, get off my ass already’ and she stormed off and dramatically quit the team with a huff and a “AND IM NEVER COMING BACK except for when I totally will cuz I already foresee this apocalypse we’re gonna have to prevent in like two years, so nobody take my room okay, thanks bye, and NO DICK, I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE UPCOMING APOCALYPSE JEEZ I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW, I’LL GET TO IT WHEN I GET TO IT'’.....because I mean....Lilith. *shrugs*

And then she came back and joined the team during the Terror of Trigon storyline and she was all dramatic and prophesizing left and right except lol it wasn’t really Lil as she was possessed by a bajillion Azarath spirits who were like, hey we’re gonna hijack you to cleanse Raven of evil, sorry not sorry, but don’t worry, we’ll tidy up after ourselves before we leave’....

And then she got depossessed and Azrael starting popping up again and she starting doing her human glowstick thing again except this time with actual fire actually burning shit all around her, and Lilith’s like “okay, fine, I’m willing to concede now that this MIGHT be an issue,” and everyone’s like GEE YOU THINK???

And her ‘heat attacks’ were now big and noticeable enough that they eventually got the attention of Lilith’s birth mother, cuz Lilith had been adopted and found that out and started searching for her birth parents and answers about her powers and where she came from when she was like, thirteen (its a long story, just go with it), and so Lilith’s flame on moments finally caught her birth mother’s attention and she showed up and was like surprise, oh hey and also I’m the Greek Titan of the sun, who escaped from Tartarus awhile back and came up with this whole plan to get back at Zeus and the rest of those turds by making a secret weapon baby - that’s you hon, so proud of you - and yeah your dad was just this rich dude who had a company I wanted to take over, I just kinda incinerated him once I had you and didn’t need him anymore, sorry but its not a big loss he was kinda dull, you wouldn’t have liked him anyway, but also, then this random nurse kidnapped you and derailed my master plan of using a toddler Titan to topple the Olympians, but now I’ve found you and we can get right back to that, and that’s what you missed on Glee!’

Cue the rest of the Titans being like......ummm, we have some questions and also some concerns, but Lilith’s just like huh, so what you’re saying is I’m a divine celestial being? Huh, yeah that tracks. Okay, I believe you! But also I don’t like your plan and I think you kinda suck so I’m gonna like....not do that and instead help the gods defeat you again sorry not sorry but I mean yeah, I’m just not feeling it here, I don’t think this mother/daughter thing is gonna work out on account of the you sucking part.

So then that happened and then Zeus was like, hey we’re down a demigod, how would you like to be a goddess? And Lilith’s like yeah, that sounds good, I’m not busy right now. And the rest of the Titans are like umm, Lilith? The team? We do occasionally save the world and protect people and stuff? And she’s just like oh relax, you’ll be fine without me and I’ll be back in time to help out with that alien invasion in a couple years....and Dick’s like wait what, but Lilith’s already gone and getting her demigoddess on. Because, y’know. Its Lilith. She has her priorities figured out.

And then post-Crisis she eventually rejoins the team as the masked and mysterious figure Omen, who wouldn’t reveal her secret identity, because like, she’s Lilith, and she decided hey I’m just not gonna let the team know that its me and just like, idk see what happens. No particular reason.

Except then she’s abducted by this villain named Haze and she has to use her powers to summon the original Titans to free her, at which point her identity is revealed and she’s like yeah, surprise, it was me the whole time, and the Fab Five are all like WHAT THE HELL LILITH, and she’s like WHAT, I WAS BORED, LET ME HAVE HOBBIES.....and also at this time she and the Titans found out oh btw, turns out that whole backstory about you being the daughter of that Titan was a lie, we’re not really sure how that works but just FYI, you’re actually just the illegitimate daughter of this super rich tycoon, and also FYI, Haze is actually your half brother who hates you because of something to do with the dad you didn’t even know existed, soooooo....that’s a thing....

And then she goes back to the Titans for awhile, still as Omen but with everyone now knowing its her under the cloak and mask, the jig is up, Lilith’s like ugh, lame, now what am I supposed to do for fun. But then it also turned out that for some reason that was never actually made clear, now she also had telekinetic and illusion casting powers and she was like ooooh now these I can have fun with. Coincidentally, like, half the team decided now would be a good time to take a sabbatical and focus on their own cities.

And THEN she was kidnapped by Vandal Savage, who wanted to make her use her powers to divine the perfect lineup of bad guys to take down the Titans once and for all, and Lilith’s like ‘well shit, you got me, guess I gotta do what you want,’ except of course she purposely chooses villains she foresees the Titans beating, which they do of course, and then they beat Savage, and Lilith is just like, dude, I know I’m the only precog here, but how did you not see this coming, like seriously, what on earth made you think there was gonna be any other way this was gonna go? OMG you’re so stupid, what happened to all the smart villains, ugh even being kidnapped is boring now, lame.

And then she died, and like, never actually came back except as a spirit in one story and a Black Lantern in that Blackest Night event, and that sucked. But oh well.

Anyway, the point is I miss THAT Lilith, the unpredictable, whimsical, always dragging chaos in her wake and not giving a shit because look its not her fault Destiny is like totally obsessed with her....

She was just a guaranteed source of WTF and she did it all with unnecessary flair and drama and she was one hundred percent a primary reason Dick Grayson was destined to have gray hairs by the time he was thirty, but oh well, that was just the price of being friends and teammates with her, because Lilith was just...*sighs* she was just so Lilith.

That’s really the only way to sum her up. A dozen writers took her in a dozen different directions cuz they couldn’t decide what to do with her so she ended up doing everything and being extremely extra about it which really tied it all together and just made it a universal truth that when it comes to Lilith, don’t just expect the unexpected, like....just accept that with her anything is possible and plausible and the most random shit will end up connected to her and you just gotta roll with it, because that’s just how it goes with her.

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akillysheel · 3 years

Text

TENUOUS. ❜ ( 10 )

Summary: He might be stuck. Warnings: N/A. A/N: Holy shit, I made it to the double-digit uploads, baybeeeeee.

The search unfolded. As the days passed, the efforts of Huron’s task-force doubled, tripled, then surpassed all of their dubious expectations in a flurry of desperation. Whether they believed the rifter’s prophecy or not, his urgency had steadily begun to seep through to the locals. What had started as a half-hearted ‘my boss told me to do this’ turned into a fiery determination. Now, it truly felt like a race against the clock.

“We completely cleared the West end’a hotspots,” Cthugha heard vaguely through the crackle of Kuro’s radio. “Y’know Sheriff Braav, I’ve been thinkin’... do y’reckon it’s possible her body could’ve been dumped in the No-Man’s?”

“Possible,” Kuro admitted. “‘s a perfect place fer a body t’rot.”

There was a tactful pause on the other end before the deputy spoke up again: “... we could organise a small team--”

“I ain’t think it’s a good idea,” Kuro interrupted, feeling a tad uneasy at the mere thought of the untamed forest. He’d approached its entrance a number of times in his line of work, even dared to step foot into the foreboding fog on a handful of occasions, but it had never been long before he’d returned with his tail between his legs. He wasn’t even ashamed of such a fact. It was the one place in their little slice of paradise that you would’ve beenmad to enter willingly. “’s not like we avoid the place fer sport. Y’know the stories. So few people come back out. ‘s too dangerous, even fer us.”

But now the gears were turning, clicking in his skull like a revolver’s bullet cylinder. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about it before. It would make perfectly twisted sense if a murderer ventured in there in an attempt to dispose of Mia’s carcass in a more permanent fashion, given the fearsome reputation that the place had. In fact, he knew of a case like that. Long before he was born, when his current position had been filled by a man named Alistair Corben, there had been a woman who had taken great pleasure in seducing-- and subsequently slaughtering-- perfectly kind, respectable working men. Against all odds, she’d managed to dispose of four of them in the No Man’s before the legends caught up with her. Most of the remains followed suit, seemingly swallowed by the shifting earth, though Sheriff Corben himself had managed to locate one of the mens’ skulls with the use of a cadaver kayag*. It was even more impressive that he’d done so with little more to defend himself than a wad of rope and a sparsely loaded pistol. To this day, in a juvenile sort of way, that particular police man was somebody that Kuro idolised. His bravery had bordered on stupidity, perhaps, but it didn’t nullify his heroism.

I wanna be like that. I wanna risk it all. I want people to hear of all the shit I’ve sacrificed and be in awe of it, he remembered thinking when he was but a trainee in the force. Then the job had worked out the kinks in his young, naive brain, wrung out that hunger for vapid admiration like he was little more than a damp tea towel.

“‘s a last resort,” Kuro said evenly. “If we still haven’t gotten any leads in a couple days, we can talk about it again. In the meantime, think smaller. If y’crossed off all’a yer main hotspots, start huntin’ in less obvious places. ”

“Y’got it.” There was a brief click before the line went dead, the silence encapsulating the small office once more. “Y’ready t’head out again in a couple minutes?”

From his place at the window, Cthugha hummed minimally.

“Are you… okay?”

Rather than speak, Cthugha dragged his hands down his face, the heels of his palms digging into his eyes. For whatever reason, he couldn’t them to focus propely. He felt a little distant in more ways than one. “What’s this about a ‘’No-Man’s’’?”

For a moment, neither man spoke, and Kuro scratched compulsively at his jaw as he worriedly looked the other over. His back was to him, his face a mystery, yet he noticed the sag of his shoulders, the slight slouch he’d been sporting since that morning. “Well, it’s a place no one goes. Hard t’explain since nobody’s been in there.” Except Murr. Dumb, stupid, suicidal Murr. “‘s the forest beyond the forest.”

Cthugha turned around with a squint. “So… what’s the problem? Are we suddenly scared of trees after walking a certain distance?”

“No,” Kuro retorted irately, scowling. “I mean, it’s… dark. There’s some sort’a… macabre power about that place. Accordin’ t’legend, it has paths that appear ‘n’ disappear. Monsters. Even has its own weather ‘n’ physics-- like a district within a district. ‘s not a place t’trifle with.”

“Well now we have to go.”

“Cthugha, no,” Kuro barked sternly as he stood up, strategically in the way of the door as he arranged himself before his desk. If he was being honest, he didn’t know how that would stop the rifter from teleporting there without him. “We’ve lost so many people t’that place, it ain’t safe.”

After a brief staring contest, he was surprised to see Cthugha back off.

Something’s off. He doesn’t look all there.

“Hey… really. Are y’good? Y’seem a li’l…”

“I’m fine,” the rifter interrupted, walking towards him as resolutely as he could. Kuro observed a slight sway in his otherwise seamless stride. “Where are we going next?”

“I… figured we could take a couple kayags round the woods.”

“Uhh-- are they gonna be able to smell anything after twenty years?”

Kuro allowed himself to chuckle. “The good thing about us is that our bodies might decompose but our horns don’t. If she was buried by a killer attemptin’ t’hide their tracks ‘n’ became mulch fer the worms, her horns’ll still be out there somewhere. Our kayags’re trained t’find those.” He paused to shrug, a meek half-smile on his face. “‘s a li’l bit of a longshot but I figure ‘s worth doin’ if we’re really gonna cover our bases. Otherwise, I’ve only really got one place left t’explore and dear Raku, ain’t nobody wanna go in there.”

“Okay. I--” Without warning, Cthugha felt his vision lurch violently to the right, a sudden pang of nausea welling up in his gut.

“Hey. Y’okay? Y’went deathly pale just now. I--”

It wasn’t that Kuro stopped talking; it was that Cthugha stopped hearing him. Slowly, the world faded out, a tinny frequency replacing the sound, followed by the surreal thundering of his pulse in his temples. Kuro’s hesitant hand on his shoulder wasn’t registered in the slightest, the point of his tail naturally digging into the floor in an effort to maintain balance.

It failed him.

The last thing he heard before his world abruptly went dark was Kuro exclaiming his name.

Cthugha… Cthuuugha… Thuuu-y…!

When he finally mustered the strength to open his eyes, it wasn’t the walls of Sheriff Braav’s office that he was greeted by. Instead, he was surrounded by a thick blanket of darkness. Bewildered, the rifter attempted to move-- only to find that he was upright, perfectly free. Somehow, this fact unsettled him more. This surprising agency didn’t suit how hopelessly lost and confused he felt.

“... what is this?” The question travelled a short distance, then dissipated entirely, his syllables lost in the void. He felt a cold, parasitic doubt shimmy its way along his spine as he squinted into the unrelenting black, its vaccuous obsidian all but taunting him with its lack of malleability. Would calling for anybody make a difference?

Who would I even call?

Slowly, he caught movement in the near distance; a tiny ball of brilliant teal floating vaguely in his direction. It was as if it was being carried by a whipping wind, its movements jagged and sharp. It gave off a faint glow, and the nearer it came, the brighter it shone. Hesitantly, Cthugha raised a hand and brushed his fingers ever so lightly along its azure edge, unable to explain the compulsion to do so.

The contact made it fizzle briefly, a quiet popping sound emanating from its core before it exploded in a dazzling flash of cyan. Against his desires, Cthugha flung an arm over his eyes in an attempt to shield them from the blinding luminance.

"Whoa…" He whispered as he peeled his forearm from his face, now able to see some of the world around him. He stood almost precariously atop a solid blue slat, perfectly centred on the left edge, a nebulous, sapphire galaxy ablaze around him. The colours pulsed lightly, as if the air had a heartbeat. Aside from the abstract platform he was stood on, he could see no other footholds. "Just where the hell did I end up…?"

Without prompt, he lifted his head, taking note of a shadowy shape at the opposite end. It perfectly mirrored his stance, though it was considerably taller than him. Its form shifted and wriggled as if it was made of worms, though it was humanoid enough in nature for Cthugha to think that he recognised it.

Max…? he thought, before mentally slapping himself. His brother was tall but skinny-- a string bean teeming with strange kinetic energy.. There was no way that such a frame belonged to him.

Slowly, it shifted, its outline becoming a little more distinguishable.

"... Kuro?"

As if responding to its name, the shape gained more mass, the vague outline of his coat now visible.

Of course… why did I think it was anybody else?

It seemed so obvious now that he could have laughed. Somewhat relieved to see a familiar face ( or at the very least, a familiar form ), he took a step forward, only for the slat he stood atop to jut harshly upwards-- enough for his feet to leave the ground for a second. Cthugha threw his arms out reflexively, wobbling as he stepped back into place. Just like that, his platform straightened once more.

"I can't reach ya," he called, cupping his hands around his mouth. "You should come to me."

The shape didn't move.

"Kuro…!"

"He can't come. You can't go. You're stuck."

The familiar voice was like sandpaper against his ears, his confusion becoming an annoyed cringe.

"... go away."

"Ha-Ha." A soft giggle that slowly transformed into a malicious cackle, his surroundings bending with every cavernous wheeze. The serene blue backdrop shifted to red, small black holes tearing through the colour with their liminal teeth. Despairingly, Cthugha threw his hands over his ears, attempting to block out the sound. Only one phrase punctured the senseless noise, a harrowing mantra that he was sure Kuro’s shape contributed to as he was swallowed whole by the intrusive black.

You're stuck. You're stuck. You're stuck.

Cracking his eyes open was a monumental task.

"... u-ugh…"

He couldn't make sense of the ceiling he was staring up at, so disoriented that it was hard to think. When he attempted to sit up, a gentle pressure on his shoulder kept him from doing so. He was too tired to flinch-- even when he realised that what had prevented him from moving was another person’s hand.

"... ughnn…?”

"Okay, good, yer awake."

"Ku… how're you here…?" His voice was hoarse, a cough rattling his chest as he attempted to see him better. It felt as if a pound of lead had been left to sit on his sternum, his vision hazy. Something warm brushed against his forehead, followed by something frigid. "Oh…" he mumbled softly, eyes fluttering closed again. The bag of ice was soothing him in ways he didn’t know he needed to be soothed.

"Wha'd'y'mean how'm I here? Y'collapsed in my office," Kuro said, fist coiled tight around the end of the bag. "... damn near scared the life outta me, y'idiot."

"I… collapsed?" He couldn't remember - and trying to do so only made his head hurt.

"Yeah. 'n' y'wouldn't wake up neither. I may have called a medic."

That much provoked a startled shuffle. "What? No…! I'm fine! Don't be stupid--"

"She already looked y'over. She said y’exhausted yerself," Kuro said, shifting the ice to the other half of his forehead. "Y'don't remember? This happened three hours ago. Y’ve been out cold. I mean, totally unresponsive."

“But normally I…” Nothing was making sense. His need for sleep in general was incredibly minuscule, as was the case for most rifters. How was it possible that he was feeling faint after a little under a week? Something was wrong-- grievously so-- andhe knew it had to do with his dwindling power. Even so, it seemed all too early for it to be seeping into his everyday life like this. Even though the very thought of standing up made his knees tremble: “... we have to go.”

“Did y’just listen t’a word I said?” The bag was removed, dropped curtly on the desk as he stared sternly at him. “D’y’ever listen?”

“I listen.”

“No, y’hear shit. There’s a difference.”

“Don’t give me grief, my head’s pounding,” Cthugha moaned, attempting to sit up. This time, he wasn’t stopped. As he did so, he felt the back of Kuro’s chair follow him, creaking gently before clicking back into place. Does he sleep at his desk often?, he couldn’t help but think. “... this throws a spanner in things.”

“That’s it? That’s all y’have t’say?”

“What do you want me to say…?!” Exasperation made his words quiver, though the indignation didn’t stay long. To his chagrin, his face was quick to betray him, an undeniable worry arching his eyebrows as he stared almost pleadingly at the sheriff. “I’m sorry I scared ya? I didn’t know that would happen. I think I… it’s part of me getting weaker.”

Kuro’s narrow glare became a pensive gaze, before he let out a sigh that was arguably bigger than he was. Even without words, it was obvious to him that he’d been worried sick. “If y’know yer gettin’ weaker, won’t y’at least dial it back? Y’can’t go not sleepin’ ‘n’ not eatin’. Yer gonna screw yerself up, regardless’a yer race.”

“Fine,” he groaned dramatically, his head tossed back. “Just stop going on about it. Ya remind me of my faction leader.” When he felt something bump against his knuckles, he looked down again. A glass of water, cool and clear, was singlehandedly the most inviting thing he’d ever seen in that moment. His fingers coiled slowly around it, sipping sensibly at first, then gulping it down as if he’d been desert-bound for days. “... it’s nice that ya care though. Thanks for helping me.”

“Well a’course I’m gonna help y’,” the sheriff replied, taking the glass back from him. “What’re y’, stupid?”

“Must be.” Cthugha laughed meekly. “I’m out here fainting and yet I’m still bent on saving your ass.”

Kuro couldn’t lie, not even to himself - it was a relief to hear Cthugha hurl a sarcastic comment at him after hours of worrying silence. He tried to dispel the images from his head; the one of him lying face-down on the floor, completely catatonic; the one of him heating up so profusely that he’d all but burned a hole through his chair; the one of him suddenly beginning to writhe and squirm, locked in what seemed to be a feverish nightmare, whispering one broken phrase repeatedly for minutes on end: I’m stuck… I’m stuck… I’m stuck…

“I’ll give it an hour or so,” Cthugha said, shuffling a little in Kuro’s chair. It was big enough for him to bring his legs up without much arrangement, his cheek pressed to the cool faux-leather. At least he was trying to compromise. “Then we’ll walk our dog.”

#writeblr #writing #writers on tumblr #original story #crime story #short story #fandomless oc writing #oc writing #tenuous ;

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onebizarrekai · 4 years

Text

Meme Waker: That Final Thing

okay aight here we go here’s the big idea compilation you’ve all been waiting for or something like that

since I’ve finally accepted meme waker’s inevitable fate, I’ll share what I’ve had laying around about it. prepare yourself for a wild ride.

first of all, what existed of the planned character key:

Nightmare = Link Dream = Aryll Cross = Tetra Ink = The Entire Pirate Crew Granny Gertrude = Grandma Horror = Quill Killer = Medli Color = Komali Dust = Makar XGaster = Tingle (yes, you read that right) Fresh = Fado (?) Geno = Laruto Blueberry = Niko Error = Ganondorf Giant Flying Chicken = Helmaroc King Core Frisk = The King XChara = Zelda

So XChara was going to fill the role of Zelda–basically, what was going to happen was that when Cross and Nightmare reached sunken Hyrule, which was replaced by the Omega Timeline, they encountered Core Frisk and with their magical Core Frisk powers that apparently exist, separated XChara from Cross’s body. Because Error was hunting him down for whatever villainous reasons (I dunno, maybe he wanted to find Overwrite or something), XChara was going to spend the near remainder of the comic hiding in the Omega Timeline from Error. It was a pretty neat reference to the fact that Error doesn’t know where the OT is.

Unsurprisingly, considering when I was working on this, Nightmare and Cross may have eventually started dating. They were going to kiss during a fight that involved them accidentally rolling down a hill and then likely spend the remainder of the comic referring to each other as boyfriends, with no further indication of romance between them. I never really mentally decided whether I was actually going to incorporate this or not.

In moments where someone needed to present a musical instrument, Cross was going to play a keytar.

There is a very high chance that the entire comic was going to end up being an elaborate prank set up by Ink and Error.

After being rescued from the Forsaken Fortress, Dream was going to get crossbows and… I dunno, maybe be useful with them sometimes. One consideration was that he was going to complain about being stuck in a glorified retirement home and request joining the party.

Nightmare was going to have a fake ID with the name “Nathaniel Meyer” on it.

When Nightmare eventually pulled up the Gaster Sword, he was basically going to do a magical girl transformation and get a new outfit. I was considering holding a contest where people would submit new designs for Nightmare before I realized that I may have wanted to do it myself. Meanwhile, Cross’s design change at the same time was going to pertain to the fact that he had such a hard time with his uniform that he just wanted to start wearing normal clothes.

When XChara was separated from Cross, it would indicate that Cross can’t use the hack knife anymore, so I had to think of a new weapon for him. I considered giving him arm mounts with knives in them for no reason other than being extra, but I was probably just going to end up going with a regular sword.

Nightmare and Cross were going to be mistaken for missionaries at some point due to Nightmare introducing Cross as his ‘companion’.

Nightmare’s fake ID is actually a driver’s license. Cross questions how he could get one when he’s only fifteen, and Nightmare responds with “what can I say? I live in the country.”

The Giant Flying Chicken was going to evolve into the Cyborg Giant Flying Chicken before Nightmare and Cross fought it. It was already a robot, but someone decided it would be fun to make it look more robotic for some reason. Maybe too many people tried to eat it.

Because Blueberry was going to replace Niko, that meant there was going to be a form of challenge that he would present to Nightmare and/or Cross. They were probably just going to play Dance Dance Revolution.

The dress that Granny Gertrude gave Nightmare was actually going to be infused with magical powers. Either Nightmare could only access the power of the Triforce when he’s wearing the dress, or it was going to be a piece of equipment that turned his sword into a fire sword.

Nightmare was going to come back to the Village of Old People to see that his grandmother had conquered it with capitalism.

Dragon Roost Cavern was going to be replaced with a Pokemon gym.

When Nightmare supposedly kicked Error’s ass at the end of the story, he was going to say something along the lines of “Because fuck you!” and it would be the first and only f-bomb in the whole comic. Nightmare would proceed to say that it was the first time he’d ever said fuck and that he felt dirty.

The Triforce of Courage was just going to be called the Triforce of Porridge for exactly zero reason.

Some incarnation of Buffmare was going to exist in the comic, but only in a sequence taking place in Nightmare’s imagination.

When Cross realized his backpack was missing, it was because I realized his backpack was missing. I forgot to draw it. I decided that the backpack actually fused with him to create a Zelda-style magic pocket.

Nightmare was going to try to control a seagull with the command melody, but he was accidentally going to start controlling Cross instead and make him run into a tree.

The Tree Spirit was going to hold official interviews for placeholder guardians in Dream and Nightmare’s absence. These placeholder guardians were going to be Neil, the overenthusiastic French furry, and Ccino, the local emo kid who is absolutely done with everyone’s bullshit, and exclusively because they were the only ones who applied for the job. Neil was going to have an ulterior motive of becoming Gaston’s successor.

Neil and Ccino were eventually going to ‘get together’, if you can even call it that, and for no other reason than shitpost reasons.

Nightmare may have had a showdown with the Giant Flying Chicken while riding the Great Charizard from Dragon Roost.

Another possible concept for whole story was that it was a bad self insert fic written by a younger version of Nightmare, but it’s really unlikely that I would’ve gone through with that.

Nightmare and Cross may have needed to go on a fetch quest to find Ink’s brush in the ocean because they accidentally lost it, but honestly that would’ve served nothing for the progression of the story. Because XGaster put a tracker on Ink’s brush, they were going to have to enlist his help.

and that about wraps up my notes, now let me throw what I had sitting around of a script draft–reading this was a trip because I forgot that literally 60% of it existed:

(inside the mountain)

Cross: holy shoe, EVERYONE has wings? how is this a thing??

Cross: I’m frickin jealous

Chief: Oh. You must be. Those guys.

Horror: yeah man, I enlisted their help to capture the Chicken Terror, but then they were all like yo, it’s a robot! 

Chief: horror robot or not I told you that we weren’t going to capture the chicken terror for food because we’re not cannibals we don’t eat birds

Horror: but

Horror: we’re hardly even birds!

Chief: you know your job Horror. now get back to work. your actual work.

Horror: But… being the mailman sucks! 

Chief: Do I need to confiscate your axe again? 

Horror: OKAY FINE. I’M GOING. (flies away in a huff)

Chief: AND DO YOUR GODFORSAKEN LAUNDRY!

Chief: I apologize for that… so, how can I help you two today? 

Nightmare: You guys have like, some pearl thing or something? We need to like, collect three of them in order to… save the multiverse… or something like that.

(Camera dramatically darkens.)

Chief: It’s just as the prophecy foretold…

Nightmare: oh god what

Chief: You see, young whippersnappers… legend tells of a great hero that would rise up and save a bunch of people in times of desperation that they don’t even realize are desperate. the great hero would travel far and wide in search of the Pearls of Shiny to finally retrieve a great weapon that he would use to strike down the evil that few knew existed. also the hero would have a sidekick wearing stupid clothes.

Cross: EXCUSE ME

Chief: THAT’S JUST WHAT THE PROPHECY SAID

Nightmare: okay, y’know, I’m just gonna roll with it. where can I get the pearl?

Chief: Well… that’s where the hard part comes in. You see, the pearl belongs to my son… but he’s been acting like an edgy teenager lately.

Nightmare: Great…

Cross: Is there a reason he’s being edgy? Maybe there’s something we can do to appease his hormones.

Cross: Free food works like a charm for me.

Chief: No, it’s more complicated than that. When one of our people becomes of age, they climb to the top of Charizard Island to receive a scale from the Great Charizard that will allow them to grow wings.

Nightmare: the… great charizard.

Chief: But lately, the Great Charizard has been throwing inexplicable temper tantrums. No one can get close to him anymore. And with my son being of age, he’s decently pissed off about this.

Chief: We’re thinking that the Great Charizard is displeased about something, and it is also causing our shortage of food.

Nightmare: Wait, you worship something named after a Pokemon? 

Chief: Anyway, perhaps you two will be able to talk some sense into my son. Maybe he just wants to talk to someone his age that isn’t Horror or Killer.

Nightmare: What kind of names are those? 

Chief: There’s a letter that I wanted my son to read, and I’ve given it to Killer to hold onto. You can go get it from him upstairs in the first room near the stairs, just tell him I sent you. He’s the little guy in the short shorts, you’ll probably recognize him when you see him.

Nightmare: Can’t you just call him here? 

Chief: No, it is of upmost importance that you experience a basic fetch quest in order to become a great hero, because those fetch quests will become needlessly complicated before you even realize it.

Nightmare: ?????

Nightmare: I can’t even tell if you’re joking or not–

Cross: dude let’s just go get the letter

(scene transition)

(Killer dramatically turns around and it zooms in and says his name SSB style)

Nightmare: Wait, why do you get a dramatic introduction? 

Killer: Dayum. New faces.

Nightmare: Why is everyone ignoring my questions??

Killer: (needlessly sensual voice) So, what brings you here? (walking closer) 

Nightmare: (backs into wall) NO BUENO

Cross: You have a letter or something? 

Killer: Oh. Yeah. Chief gave it to me for some reason. Yo, catch.

(He chucks it like a ninja star. Cross catches it between his hands in front of his face.) 

Killer: Ey! You actually caught it! 

Cross: I’m a trained ninja.

Killer: So like, who are you guys?

Cross: I’m Cross. He’s Larry.

Nightmare: NIGHTMARE. MY NAME IS NIGHTMARE.

Killer: Aw man, I know the feel of having a really lame name and wanting one that’s cooler.

Nightmare: No. Like. My name is actually Nightmare. My senile grandma called me Larry earlier today and this loser picked up on it.

Killer: There’s no need to lie. I understand.

Nightmare: I’M NOT LYING!

Killer: anyway make sure you get that letter to Color there’s something I have to do–

(Killer zips out the door behind them.) 

Cross: what even the frick? 

Nightmare: that guy freaks me the frick out.

Nightmare: literally. I felt like he was coming onto me.

Cross: you’re imagining things.

(SCENE TRANSITION)  Cross: all right Nightmare I literally do not trust your ability to communicate with another person in a way that will make them feel inclined to give us something so just let me handle this okay

Cross: okay better yet wait outside the room

(Nightmare makes a less than amused face.) 

Cross: it’s for the greater good

(Cross walks into the room.)

Cross: hi my name is Cross and

Color: LEAVE

(Cross immediately exits the room.)

Cross: this is a lost causeNightmare: what

Cross: go make him bleed with your words

Nightmare: dude isn’t this the part where we give him the frickin letter

Cross: (pauses) :o

Cross: OH RIGHT

(Cross takes the letter and goes back into the room, leaving the door open)

Cross: oh yeah this letter is for you it’s from your dad or something

Color: Oh, wow. Can’t even be bothered to talk to me in person.

Color: Give me that thing.

(Color stares at the letter. It’s actually a letter from Killer filled with really bad pickup lines and other really creepy compliments.)

Color: What the hell, you said this was from my dad!

Cross: We thought it was–??

(Killer teleports in behind them, scaring the shit out of Nightmare) 

Killer: Suuuup~

Color: Killer I swear to god.

Killer: Here’s the actual letter, though you might not be happy with it.

(He flings it at Color and it lands in front of him. He reads it over, rolls his eyes and throws it in the trash.)

Cross: So uh… I don’t know what the letter says but apparently we’re prophesied heroes collecting a bunch of pearls to save the multiverse and the pearl you have is– 

Color: Can everyone just get out of my room already?

(everyone just leaves)

Nightmare: What even was the point of that stupid fetch quest?

Killer: Oh yeah, can you guys help me with something? Just a smalllll favor. And I can’t ask anyone else because I’m not supposed to do it.

Killer: I need some strong, reliable people…

Nightmare: Don’t touch me.

Killer: It’s just a small favor! And I mean actually small, it’ll take like two minutes.

Nightmare: I have doubts about this.

Killer: Great! Meet me out back by the spring.

Nightmare: Wait which side is the back–

(Killer is gone)

Nightmare: Cross which side is the back.

Cross: I don’t know??

(after spending twenty minutes going through the various exits trying to figure out how to get there)

Killer: What the hell took you so long.

Nightmare: Directions would’ve been helpful. There wasn’t even a freaking map anywhere in there!

Killer: The hollow is like the size of a middle class house! How difficult could it be to find out where to go?!

Nightmare: IT’S A DOME THERE IS NO BACK

Cross: OKAY, what matters is that we’re here, what the heck do we do now.

Killer: Okay, okay. (steps backwards) Look, if you look around here, it’s all a dried up spring. The Great Charizard was throwing a tantrum, a boulder fell down and it coincidentally plugged up the spring for the third time this week, which is literally our main source of fresh water. I’m honestly getting sick of this so I’m going to climb the mountain and see what’s going on because everyone else is too scared to do it.

Nightmare: God. You’re not gonna make us go with you, are you? 

Killer: Oh, no way. I just need you to throw me up that cliff over there so I can get into the cavern that leads up the mountain.

Nightmare: Can’t you fly?

Killer: Not thirty feet straight up. Do these noodle arms look like they can manage that? 

Nightmare: Whatever. But quick question. How the hell does one throw a person.

Killer: I weigh like fifty pounds. It shouldn’t be that hard. Also, if you’ve noticed, the wind is rapidly changing directions, so you’ll probably have the best effect throwing me when the wind is blowing that way.

Nightmare: Mhmm. Sure. Let’s just get this over with.

(Nightmare crouches down and Killer fuckin walks onto his shoulders)

Nightmare: Hey! Watch it!

(some way or another he throws Killer and Killer barely makes it to the cliff, face planting into the ground)

Nightmare: Well I guess that worked.

Killer: THAT WAS TERRIBLE!

Nightmare: YOU’RE WELCOME! COULD’VE JUST USED A DAMN LADDER!

Killer: NOBODY OWNS A LADDER HERE BECAUSE EVERYONE CAN FLY!

Nightmare: Then how the frick do people get up this cliff?!

Killer: THERE’S NORMALLY A BRIDGE BUT IT BROKE AND PROBLEMS LIKE THESE ARE PRECISELY WHY I’M CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN TO BEGIN WITH! ALSO I’M LEAVING BYE. (turns and leaves)

(cricket cricket)

Cross: Nightmare we should probably follow him.

Nightmare: No.

Cross: What else do we have to do. We solve their problem, Color can get his wings and then he stops being emo and gives us the pearl out of the goodness of his heart.

Nightmare: I’m not risking my life for this! If that guy is willing to do it himself I’m going to let him do it!

Cross: Dude, look at that guy. He looks about at capable fixing whatever the problem is as Ink is at providing emotional support. If this happens to be anything like a video game, we’re the only ones capable of solving anything. Besides, what else are we supposed to do? Hang around and wait for something to happen?

Nightmare: All right, fine. But how are we supposed to do something? It’s not like we can climb up a thirty foot cliff.

Cross: No, but we can swim, right?Nightmare: What?

(Cross draws a line around the rock covering the spring. It dematerializes into red squares and water starts to spew out of the spring. They both run back towards the side and climb up the cliff they came from)

Nightmare: Dude, what the hell was that?

Cross: I can draw lines around things with my sword and they do that and go away.

Nightmare: … do they go somewhere? 

Cross: I dunno.

(Meanwhile in Xtale, a boulder slams into the floor and almost crushes Fresh because of course he’s there)

(The spring fills up) 

Nightmare: You know I’m starting to have second thoughts about this swimming thing seeing as how I’ve never actually–(Cross kicks him into the water) 

(LATER) 

Nightmare: YOU ASSHOLE I ALMOST DROWNED

Cross: You’re exaggerating.

Random Dude: STOP RIGHT THERE! 

Nightmare: who.

Random Dude: YOU AREN’T GOIN ONE STEP PAST THIS POINT! YOU’RE LIGHT YEARS FROM FACING BROCK!

(nightmare squints)

(comic suddenly goes into a battle sequence)

Nightmare: whoa whoa what the hell is happening

Cross: oh my god it’s pokemon NIGHTMARE IT’S POKEMON

Nightmare: I DON’T HAVE ANY POKEMON CROSS THREATEN HIM

(Random Dude sent out MEWTWO)

Cross: DEAR GOD

Cross: LISTEN THERE’S A HUGE MISUNDERSTANDING WE’RE NOT TRAINERS WE DON’T HAVE POKEMON

Random Dude: tHEN WHY ARE YOU IN A POKEMON GYM HUH

Cross: Uh… touring?

Random Dude: OH

Random Dude: I SEE

(The Random Dude returns his Mewtwo.)

Random Dude: THERE HAS BEEN AN UNFORTUNATE MISUNDERSTANDING

Cross: Say uh, you didn’t happen to see a scrawny dude with wings pass through here, did you?

Random Dude: Oh yeah, he went into the next room and took the elevator to the top.

(silence) 

Nightmare: Why are there always elevators.

(two seconds later, they reach the elevator and there’s a dude standing in front of it) 

Nightmare: um excuse me we need to use the elevator

Dude: oh man I can’t find my glasses anywhere what do I do

Nightmare: excuse me I said move

Dude: oh man I can’t find my glasses anywhere what do I do

Nightmare: HELLO

Dude: oh man I can’t find my glasses anywhere what do I do

Nightmare: MOVE ASSHOLE

Cross: I think it’s a preprogrammed NPC.

Nightmare: UAGGGGHHHHH

(Nightmare throws himself into the person, but he slams into the STEEL WALL OF NPC)

Nightmare: CROSS TELEPORT HIM AWAY

Cross: wait are you serious what if that freakin kills him I don’t know where these things go

Nightmare: YOU SAID IT YOURSELF HE’S AN NPC

(Cross shrugs. He draws a line around the NPC and the NPC disappears)

(one elevator ride later)

Nightmare: (chokes) oh god

Nightmare: the altitude

Cross: nightmare this island is still lower than ink’s house.

Nightmare: PSYCHOLOGICAL ALTITUDE

(fwip)

Cross: Oh look, it’s that guy from earlier.

Nightmare: Got captured somehow. Why am I not surprised?

Killer: YOU KNOW WHAT SCREW YOU GUYS

(A really buff guy abruptly slams into the ground)

Buff Guy: FEAR MY WRATH, FOR I AM BROCK! LEADER OF ALL THINGS ROCK HARD

Nightmare: Look man, we really don’t have time for this, just let the shota hoe go, we’re just checking up on the huge-ass Charizard up there.

Killer: excuse me

Brock: I AM THE LOYAL GUARDIAN OF THE GREAT CHARIZARD! You can only pass if you defeat me! 

Cross: what the hell is even happening anymore

(Loud gym battle music as the gate at the entrance of the clearing slams shut)

Nightmare: LOOK WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS WE DON’T HAVE ANY POKEMON

(Brock war cries as he sends out a very anime geodude)

Nightmare: can someone please tell me I’m hallucinating all of this

Brock: WELL, IF YOU DON’T HAVE POKEMON, YOU’LL HAVE TO USE A RENTAL

Cross: What? But rental pokemon always suck.

Brock: YOU MUST PROVE YOUR WORTH SOMEHOW! AND BECAUSE YOU’RE SMALL CHILDREN YOU OBVIOUSLY CAN’T PROVE IT THROUGH SUMO WRESTLING.

Nightmare: I’m fifteen!

Cross: Nightmare I think you’re missing the point.

Killer: Good god, just let them through and let me out of here, they’re the heroes of prophecy.

Brock: PROPHECY

Brock: GOODNESS ME I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT

(Brock returns his geodude)

Brock: YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING

Nightmare: That would have worked?

Brock: BUT! IF YOU WANT TO FREE THIS TINY FELLOW HERE, YOU MUST COMPLETE A DIFFERENT CHALLENGE! FOR YOU SEE, HE TRIED TO PASS THROUGH HERE WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION! 

(Killer rolls his eyes. Nightmare squints, literally pulling a notebook out of his shirt. He writes something in it, walking up to Brock and holding it up. It says “Let the guy out of jail you dick”)

Brock: AHA

Brock: WELL

Brock: I CAN’T ARGUE WITH THAT

(He stomps his foot on the ground and the bars in front of Killer go up)

Brock: DON’T BE CAUSING TROUBLE NOW KIDS 

(He ascends back into the sky) 

Cross: I’m not even going to ask. That entire conversation felt like a drug trip.

(Killer dramatically throws himself onto Nightmare) 

Killer: I knew you would come around, my knight in–

Nightmare: Why did I assume that you had become any less creepy in the last ten minutes. Why did I even do that? 

Killer: Because your heart told you to.

Nightmare: Dear god stop touching me or I will literally pick you up and slam you into the floor.

Killer: Feisty. Anyway, I figured out why the Great Charizard is freaking out all the time. His tail is hanging down into the room below him and something is chewing on it like all the time.

Cross: What? Then why doesn’t it just, I dunno, pull its freaking tail out of the room like a reasonable creature? Or maybe take care of the problem on its own?

Killer: The Great Charizard is like a five year-old. It’s self aware, but it expects all of its problems to be solved by everyone else and throws tantrums when that doesn’t happen.

Nightmare: Well that’s stupid. Why does everyone act like it’s some holy being then?

Killer: Because it’s a massive, terrifying dragon that can breathe fire?

ok unfortunately this is where the script ends but I hope you enjoyed that

oh yeah, and some extremely old art that I found:

as well as a brief consideration to make the characters human before deciding that I just didn’t want to work on the comic anymore.

basically you will notice that most of this doesn’t have a solid outline, and you’d be right: I never actually planned it that meticulously. I mostly just winged it and threw stuff in over the course of time and never even really planned anything close to a definitive ending beyond “maybe it was a prank”. sorry if this is like… anticlimactic, but it’s all I could find!

#meme waker #long post

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warriorsrustystar · 3 years

Text

Into The Wild: Prologue

Update: I wasn’t satisfied by how short this was initially, so along with some minor dialogue tweaks I’ll be adding in an entirely new scene that was originally going to be the start of Chapter 1.

“Before the clans had reached the point they are at today, a prophecy was given out many, many moons ago...

A prophecy of fire, of unity, and of a cat who could either save the clans... or cause their end.”

Read On AO3

The night sky shimmered softly, a silver crescent shining its light gently onto the world below. Against the moon, a feline silhouette sat atop a large boulder, back turned from the several sleeping bundles curled up into their nests below. His emerald eyes, swimming with thought, reflected the stars above that they were fixated on.

The reddish - brown tom’s focus only broke when he heard the sound of claws scratching against stone, turning to see an old, gray tom approaching to sit with him. The latter settled beside him, on a ledge only slightly shorter than the rock’s peak. The gray tom’s mismatched yellow and blue eyes followed his company’s look at the sky, then turned to face him with a look of concern.

“Goosefeather.” The brown tom spoke, not turning to face the other cat but instead giving a quick nod. “I take it you had trouble sleeping, too?”

Goosefeather grumbled. “You know this is a stressful time for all of us. It feels as if not a moon can pass without the threat of bloodshed rearing its head.” the old tom shifted his paws as he spoke.

“We are lucky Thunderclan is full of strong warriors,” the leader sighed. “Otherwise we may have had to follow in our past neighbor’s pawsteps by now. Still though, it’s… hard for me to keep my head held high at a time like this. It feels as though whatever progress we attempt to make is ripped away within a heartbeat. We can only hope that, perhaps, the warriors of the future will be able to face the danger head on...”

The two old cats sat atop the rock’s peak in silence for a few more heartbeats, contemplating their situation. Goosefeather’s gaze at the stars above began to cloud over with unease.

“Starclan hasn’t given me a vision in quite some time…” The gray cat muttered to himself, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to focus. Something felt… warm beneath his paws. The sounds of the night began to fade and instead he could sense a cacophony of whispers as the warmth grew to envelope his body. His eyes snapped open in an instant, growing wide as his breath caught in his throat.

Goosefeather found himself not sitting on the rock as he had been prior, but instead in the middle of a vortex of shining flame. Upon a closer look, there were cats in the storm, cats of all shapes and sizes, their pelts not made of flesh but of the same blaze that they had run and danced in a harmonious sequence with. Beyond the fire, dark figures with crimson eyes glared at the tom, not daring to try and cross the inferno.

The whispers were now growing louder and synching up into one phrase

Fire alone will unite the clans

“-sefeather? Are you alright?” Goosefeather was shaken from his trance by a pair of large, brown paws. His vision focused to see his leader turned to look at him with concern.

“A vision… from the stars…” Goosefeather was so stunned that he could barely rasp out the words. “F - Fire…”

“Goosefeather? What is it? What did you see?” The reddish - brown cat mewed urgently.

“They showed me…” the old gray tom continued “A cat with a pelt the colour of flames; one from the outside... one able to bridge the gap between the four clans… as well as the living and dead.” He looked at the other tom with a hidden ember in his eyes. “Fire alone will unite the clans.”

“Fire?” The leader responded in an almost shocked tone “But fire is an enemy of the forest! Fire is an unstoppable force that leaves only ash in its wake!”

“It can be that way,” the old healer responded, “But fire can also bring about change. It can be either a scorching storm of destruction, or a source of warmth and a guiding light. It depends on how it is used.”

The other tom hummed with a quick nod. “Hmm, well… you do have a good point. And Starclan has never led us astray with a false prophecy before, so it must be so.” He looked to the sky with a newfound determination.

“Fire alone will unite the clans...”

---

“Then, with a flash of light, Starclan was brought into existence. Or so they say, at least.” An old cat rasped as he concluded the story the two young toms in front of him were listening to intently.

“Another!” Cheered the young orange cat, bouncing on his paws. “Tell us about the mountainside!”

The older tom wearily lifted himself to his paws, shaking the stray blades of grass out of his coat. “I think you’ve heard enough for today.” He yawned “Besides, I’ve got to get back in before dinner. My humans will be looking for me.”

With a disappointed groan, the orange tom watched as the elderly cat walked inside his human’s home. He stayed to look at the backyard door a few seconds longer, then both slipped under a hole in the fence back to their own gardens.

The orange tom felt a soft paw tapping on his shoulder, and looked over to see his friend looking worried.

“Hey, um... Rusty?” The piebald tom mewed “The stuff Pinecone said, about the clans and stuff? Do you... uh... believe it?”

“Well, I mean... yeah? No reason not to, right? especially since neither of us have ever even went into the forest and all.” Rusty responded. “Why do you ask?”

The other cat shook his head, the bell on his red collar jingling softly. “I don’t know. I mean - I just- I can’t help but worry, y’know? The cats in the forest sound pretty vicious. What if someday they cross over the fence and attack? What if I have to face them? What if they make prey out of me, or SHARPEN THEIR CLAWS ON MY BONES, OR-”

“Smudge!” The orange tom yowled “Calm down! None of that’s gonna happen!”

“You don’t know that!” Smudge retorted.

Rusty sighed and placed a reassuring paw on his friend’s shoulder. “Listen. If something like that does happen, you won’t be alone. I’ll be right by your side, ok?”

Smudge's worried expression slowly turned into a small smile.

“If you say so...”

#Warriors #Warrior Cats #warrior cats rewrite #WarriorsRustystar #Into The Wild #Prologue #Goosefeather #Pinestar #This felt a lot longer when I was writing it lol #Smudge #Rusty

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abysslarchiving · 4 years

Text

i’ve been writing kida from atlantis on and off for some years, and a few months back completed the ac: odyssey dlc for atlantis which fuelled a lot of inspiration for what i envisioned when i thought of khaenri’ah.

khaenri’ah is known for it’s star motif, which is odd, somewhat, isn’t it ? considering that khaenri’ah developed alchemy because it’s said that it’s plants and vegetation rarely received sunlight. so i came to the conclusion that khaenri’ah is just shrouded with perpetual night, and - if you take into account the “ upside down, the skies are fake ” theory, the the stars ( “ the truth ” ) is all khaneri’ah has ever known.

it would be kind of fucked up wouldn’t it ? i associate khaenri’ah with atlantis because the original sinking in disney’s version was said to be the result of “ jealous gods ” and ? the shiftiness of celestia, irritated that either khaenri’ah was reaching a point similar to their supposed ‘godhood’ or that abyssal creatures were offering khaenri’ahn people the power to achieve said godhood ( through the use of manipulation of the elements ( samachurls, some lawachurls ) ) it was instead cast into shadows and the people who reached for that power were now deemed as “ sinners. ” ( kaeya absolutely considers himself one of said “ sinners. ” )

i do also believe that gold’s experiments were reaching a point that would be considered ... inhumane to some, which are the elements of khaenri’ah i took from ac: odyssey, the idea of human experimentation, the monsters going out of control and affecting the rest of the populace, the cult - like mentality of keeping it under wraps so that the higher powers were not informed of these experiments until it was far too late. i don’t think that khaenri’ah was entirely innocent when cast under the celestial’s god’s ire, but that gold wasn’t entirely to blame for khaenri’ah’s downfall or it’s eventual sinking into the abyss. there has to be some reason that celestia has not intervened in their affairs for over five hundred years. maybe there is a reason that the abyssal hate humans besides unhinged chaos ? if the reason would be that it’s because the god’s protect allogenes and humans, as well as despise the unfair treatment of allogenes and humans, and then khaenri’ahns who are literally less than human ( dubbed as sinners ), well, then i think that’s a pretty understandable viewpoint.

also, y’know what, just because khaenri’ah was so advanced i am transferring my headcanons on how atlantis was when i was still writing kida.

khaenri’ahn society never quite had antiquated ideas on gender and sexuality. there were a whole range of genders, sexualities, identities, with the vast majority of khaenri’ahns being pansexual, panromantic, or ace. polyamory and open relationships, as well as ace partnerships were also completely normal. the technology allowed the process of asexual and male reproduction as khaenri’ahns were known to test the boundaries of science. what would be miraculous to the people of teyvat was commonplace for society that bloomed in strife.

similarly to societal inventions, yes, khaenri’ahns were and possibly were capable of building incredibly dangerous tools of war, no doubt one or more of them were developed by gold, one of the most ingenius and dangerous scientists of their time. gold’s experiments were most definitely kept an eye on not only by the eclipse dynasty royalty, but by celestia as well. however, the idea of talking or even mentioning gold’s hand in khaenri’ahns downfall is somewhat taboo amidst modern day khaenri’ahns, and most children are taught that the fault goes mainly towards the gods who abandoned them, instilling a nation - wide prejudice of both allogenes and celestia in the new generation ( which, yes, made kaeya very conflicted to use his vision at first. )

khaenri’ahns were rumoured to be considered demi gods, royalty, or those marked with the khaenri’ahn star subject to prophecies that could change the world as they knew it.

though khaenri’ahn and abyssal are two distinct languages, there is a dialect in which the both of them share because they have since been merged for over five hundred years. because of this, kaeya is able to understand both abyssal and hilichurl language, as well as read the khaenri’ahn script in domains.

#headcanons.

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teamfreehoodies · 4 years

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I'm two days late with a fic prompt sorry lol but I could not get this idea out of my head so, if you're still up for it: what if Witcher AU where it's Yennefer who meets Renfri at Blaviken instead of Geralt <3 Love your fics

Oh my god this is so interesting?????? (Also thank you!!!! 💕)

Yennefer hasn’t been to the coast in years, and she wouldn’t be here under normal circumstances, but she was.... desperate. Rumor had it that there might be a djinn for sale in their market soon, which meant either someone had found one, or at the very least there was djinn activity in the area and someone felt justified that they could find one and for a dirty little place in the backwoods just off the coast it did seem to have something... off about it. She’d portaled to a field just outside the city, a place that should have been empty of magic entirely except for what she brought with her. And yet... something was different about this town. The air felt heavy with it, a stagnant weight hovering over the people, and as she approached the city’s gates it became more and more apparent that something was deeply wrong with this city. Where there should have been children playing games in the street there were only beggars, staring listlessly forward as they huddled against walls for warmth, a stark indicator of a bad fishing season in a town like this.

But there had been no pleas to the Brotherhood to take care of their ills, no appeal to the mages to find the fish, to feed the fishermen, to save the town. Yennefer had left court, but she still knows all the court mages and none of them had said anything of a town under famine. She kept moving, ignoring the damp dreariness that pulled at her heart. Maybe it wasn’t famine, and Blaviken simply had an unusually large amount of serfs with no fields to tend, and the heavy atmosphere was just caused by the concentrated misery of so many people packed so closely together.

She would get no answers on the street, so she ducked into the first tavern she saw, shaking off the strange heaviness of emotion from staring at the misery in the streets of this thrice-cursed backwater. The tavern at least was decent enough, a good crowd for this time of day, early as it still was. She wound her way to the bar, aiming for a beer and a chance to collect her thoughts. She might find someone in here who could tell her of the fishing spots suddenly gone bare— that might be a good indication of djinn activity actually, now that she thought about it.

The bartender slid her a cup and filled it before turning away with a grunt as he picked up the coin she left on the table. The beer was cold, but that was were the positives ended. “What the fuck,” she muttered spitting the ale back into its cup— she’d tasted piss-water more palatable than this swill.

“It’s an acquired taste but I promise, it’s not poison.” Yennefer looked down the bar, tracking down the owner of the offered opinion. Oh, but she was gorgeous, her hair an asymmetrical mess framing her rounded cheeks, lashes long enough to make the brown of her eyes look bottomless, her mouth curled with just the right amount of attitude as she smirked at Yennefer.

“I’d almost prefer it it was poison” Yennefer replied, sliding closer down the bar and dragging the piss-water with her. “At least then the taste would have an explanation.” The woman laughed, cracking more peanuts from the bar, and popping them into her open mouth. She smiled at Yennefer, leaning back in her seat as she made a short gesture at the barkeep.

“You’ve a lot of experience with poisons then?” She asked, turning to face Yennefer fully.

“Enough to never accept a drink I didn’t order myself,” Yennefer countered, smirking as the barkeep plunked two wine cups in front of them.

“Well that’s a shame then, isn’t it.” The woman said, reaching across Yennefer to drag the cup away before the barkeep could pour anything into it.

Yennefer caught her hand against the bottom rim of the cup, feeling the warmth of her rough hands (and gods she wanted those hands against her skin so suddenly she was surprised by the force of her desire.) “it’s only a shame if we let it be.” she purred, rubbing her thumb along the index finger of the woman’s hand still trapped beneath her own.

The barkeep cleared his throat, breaking them apart as he gestured impatiently with the wine bottle. “Am I pouring this or not,” he said “I’ve got other customers, y’know.”

The woman giggled, than guffawed, a hearty laugh that was more wild and free than any woman Yennefer had ever known— instantly, she was hooked. Yennefer wanted more of that laugh, wanted some of that wild freedom for herself.

“There’s better drinks at my place,” Yennefer said aching to reach back out and touch, needing the heat of the other woman’s skin to balance against the chill of her own.

“Are you seducing me?” the woman asked, smirking slyly at Yennefer from behind her fringe of hair.

“Only if you’re interested in being seduced,” Yennefer leaned in closer, not touching, just letting her proximity work for her. They were facing each other still and as Yennefer leaned in the woman did too, almost imperceptibly, until Yennefer stopped, just close enough that their conversation was a touch too intimate for public (but oh, that had never bothered Yennefer one little bit, and in fact it added to the heat in her belly, the tension between her thighs that demanded release.) “Is it working?” she whispered finally, her breath just ghosting over the other woman’s lips.

(Fuck off,” muttered the barkeep as he plunked the wine down on the counter and stalked towards his other customers. He had things to do other than staring at flirting lesbians.)

“Why don’t we go get that wine.” The woman whispered, sending shivers down Yennefer’s spine. Delicious anticipation was thrumming through her veins and it made her sloppy, so she almost missed the knife as it hurtled up to rest beneath her chin.

“I’m not really into knifeplay as a rule,” she said, one hand against the woman’s where it was trying to push a blade into her throat, the other pressed into the base of the woman’s neck, her thumb just above the dip in her clavicle.

“Yeah well, you can tell that to Stregobor when he joins you in hell then can’t you.” The woman said, nonsensically, as they both strained against the other’s grip.

“Stregobor?” Yennefer repeated, mind trying desperately to connect the pieces.

“He sent you to kill me before I could kill him, why else would a mage be in Blaviken?” The woman scoffed and Yennefer realized that the reason no one had intervened was because the entire tavern was being held hostage by men in line with this woman, a collection of dwarves and halflings with swords and crossbows, the sorriest looking army that Yennefer had ever seen. Yennefer’s grip slipped and the knife slid another centimeter closer to her throat and all of a sudden she understood what was wrong about this damn town.

“Cock.” She said, staring into the eyes of the last girl born under the Black Sun, Renfri, Princess of Creyden, sworn hunter of Stregobor the Mage and something of a local legend amongst Yennefer’s circle of influence, precisely for her vendetta against the man. They all hated Stregobor, and he’d been officially censured for his slaughter of the girls of the Black Sun prophecy, and prophecy work had been falling out of fashion ever since— not that that knowledge did her any good, a knife to her throat and a furious shrike holding it.

“I’m not here on business of Stegobor’s,” Yennefer offered, pulling on Chaos just enough to give her a fighting chance. She pushed the hand with the knife against her throat sharply upwards, a fast enough strike that it stunned Renfri, knocking the weapon from her hand though not for long as she was already reaching for a new one— but Yennefer had space, had time—had purpose, and that was all a mage really needed.

“I bet you want him dead, right?” She said, holding up her hands to ward off Renfri’s continued advances (and also to make portalling away faster if need be. Renfri paused, cocking her head at Yennefer. Emboldened she went on, “I don’t have any particular feelings about the man, but I bet even you can’t hope to succeed against him alone.” Renfri, according to legend, wasn’t the sort of shrike that waited. To find her in a tavern in Blaviken meant Stregobor must be close, and must be hiding if he hadn’t yet been killed. “Ahh, that’s it isn’t is,” she said, as Renfri slowly let her go, flipping the knife in a devastatingly hot) show of skill before she sipped it back in to the sheath on her thigh. Oh, if this worked out the way Yennefer wanted it to, they were going to have a fucking amazing time together. “You can’t get to him. What has he locked himself into a tower somewhere? Magicked up some guard dogs I imagine?” She took her seat, reaching for the bottle of wine the barkeep must have left for them, pouring equal measures into the two cups.

Renfri must have made some motion behind Yennefer’s back (it wasn’t much of a gamble to turn her back on this opponent, sure as Yennefer was of her purpose here, but enough of one that a little shiver of pleasure ran up her spine at the implied danger) because the dwarves and halflings were putting down weapons, retreating to the table they’d been occupying before they took the tavern hostage. There was some grumbling from the patronage, but violence seemed to be the language of these people, so it settled quickly, just in time for Renfri to take her seat again, reaching forward to grab the wine that Yennefer had poured for her. “He’s locked himself in his tower,” she said, taking a sip of the wine and letting her knee bump into Yennefer’s thigh beneath the bartop. “Can’t get him out to face me in a fair fight, which he knows he’d lose.” Now that Yennefer is paying attention she can feel the slight disturbance in Chaos as it bends away from Renfri, refusing to touch. Interesting. “So tomorrow me and my men are going to murder every single person in the market until he crawls down from his ivory tower and faces his destiny at the end of my sword.” She’s puffed up already, like she expects Yennefer to object to this plan. The massive planned loss of life bothers Yennefer on a surface level surely, as unnecessary as it is. There are easier ways to pull Stregobor from his hiding place-- more elegant too.

“What if I told you that I could pull him out of that tower without having to sacrifice the townspeople of Blaviken?”

“I’d ask you for what price. I know mages and witchers are alike in that they only work for coin or power.”

Yennefer smiled, taking a long draught of the wine and then slamming the empty cup back on the bartop. “I want everything, little shrike. But this?” she said, spreading her arms wide, “this I’ll do just because Stregobor deserved more than a slap on the wrist for his actions and I can think of no more fitting end than to watch you butcher him in the streets of Blaviken.”

#AND SO THEY MURDER HIM AND THEN THEY GO OFF TO LIVE THEIR BEST LIVES #Geralt walks through Blaviken like a day later and can't find anyone to take his damn Kikimora but Marilka #(freshly unemployed and looking for adventure) is like HEy Mr. Witcher Sir can I Follow You and Learn to Sword Fight #And Geralt who is secretly desperate for a friend is like no #not until you're at least old enough to marry and make your own choices #so she pouts but also he does teach her some stuff #and then he visits for a while every summer making sure to stop at Blaviken which is a welcoming place now that Stregobitch isnt haunting #the damn place anymore #and when she's old enough to travel she just followed Geralt out one summer #and he gets a friend to travel with #and Marilka gets to stab things to her murderous little hearts content #and then uhhh idk what happens after that but YES I LOVED THIS PROMPT SO FUCKING MUCH #Renfri #Yennfri #Thank you nonny!!!!#Now accepting prompt I should think #this was delightfully fun #amber writes

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latveriansnailmail · 3 years

Text

Favorite Movies as of 2021

Subject to updating because surely I’ve missed a few. This is not supposed to be a list of meritorious films but rather just a list of movies I genuinely enjoy. It runs from Shakespeare to Bill & Ted with heavy doses of 80s fantasy, superhero schlock, and pretty much anything with Kurt Russell in it. Enjoy.

1- Harvey No contest, my favorite of all time.

2- Big Trouble in Little China It’s always a great joy to introduce a new viewer to this film.

3- Flash Gordon (1980) In which they totally lean into the camp and low budget.

4- The Thing I watch this annually upon the first major snowfall.

5- Titus (Taymor) One winter break Titus would be on one of the movie channels each day when I woke up, so I watched it daily for a month and it didn’t get old.

6- Death to Smoochy “Are you alright?” “I’m a little fucked up in general so it’s hard to gauge.”

7- Blade Runner (The Final Cut) So there’s this dude Deckard and he hunts robots but it turns out HE’S a robot, oh so very clever, little film

8- Tombstone I recently learned that Kurt Russell directed this film in all but name.

9- The Dark Crystal Immersive fantasy, though I’m sure it appears plain, drab, and simple now after the Netflix prequel.

10- Somewhere in Time I’m a romantic, I guess. Thus all the John Carpenter movies.

11- Grosse Pointe Blank So good, I used to think I liked John Cusack.

12- The Producers (musical) You heard me. Wilder and Mostel were great but the musical version had decades to mill over and expand the premise.

13- To Be or Not To Be (Brooks) Surprisingly suspenseful.

14- The 13th Warrior Saw it again recently and it holds up. Horror, only it happens to viking warriors who would rather chop the horror down than run.

15- The Mighty Thor I mean, Black Panther is objectively the best of the lot but subjectively this is my personal favorite superhero flick. I must have seen it a half a dozen times at least.

16- Lost Boys A billion Chinese can’t be wrong.

17- Die Hard A Christmas tradition. As a postman, it’s cathartic for me to watch Christmas get blown up a little before all the hugging and sentiment.

18- The Blues Brothers Deadpan hilarity cut with performances by legends of blues and soul.

19- The Sting The best heist film. It keeps you guessing until the very end and no twist feels arbitrary or leaves a hole.

20- Interview with the Vampire Fun fact, I looked like Pitt’s Louis when I was a young man in the goth scene.

21- Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure “Be excellent to each other!” “Party on, dudes!” *air guitar*

22- The Seventh Seal See? This list has its high points.

23- Revolutionary Girl Utena Note: Read the entire manga, watch the entire anime series, and read Adolescence of Utena BEFORE watching this or you’ll be left confused. Dazzled but confused.

24- The Nightmare Before Christmas So good I got the tarot deck.

25- The Last Unicorn It’s still a damn shame they never made that live action remake. Christopher Lee was set to reprise King Haggard.

26- Chasing Amy Honestly changed my life.

27- Excalibur It’s weird though how they’re always in armor. Wedding? Armor. Dinner? Armor. Deathbed? Armor.

28- Ginger Snaps A cut above any other werewolf movie I’ve seen.

29- Top Secret! My sense of humor distilled.

30- Clash of the Titans (Harryhousen) Yeah it’s dry but then there’s the monsters.

31- Monty Python’s the Meaning of Life People are not wearing enough hats.

32- Shadow of the Vampire Nosferatu nearly made this list but it’s hard to pinpoint a definitive cut. Try instead this film about the making of Nosferatu with an actual vampire as the vampire.

33- Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust Look, we as a culture had the unfortunate experience of Twilight. This is the same premise but actually good.

34- The Last Supper This film challenged and changed me as a young man more so than any other work of art.

35- The Princess Bride The perfect film, but I’ve seen it so much it’s down at 35 now.

36- Blazing Saddles What can I as a white guy say? Just watch the movie.

37- Streets of Fire Always suspicious to me how Final Fight premiered within a year of this movie.

38- Gremlins More Christmas havok. Yum?

39- The Beastmaster Forgotten and underappreciated.

40- Ladyhawke A thing of beauty.

41- Willow C’mon. It’s Willow. I have nothing to justify here.

42- Speed Racer I know you heard it’s bad but hear me out: it is the strongest narrative I’ve ever seen on film and it’s exactly the way you played with your toy cars when you were little.

43- Angelheart You’re supposed to know that de Niro is Lucifer. The rest is mystery and the final reveal set up a trope that’s been done into the ground nowadays.

44- The Hunger More atmosphere than plot, but hey, vampire Bowie!

45- Zoolander My partner’s favorite.

46- Faust (Murnau) You will be shocked to see what was possible to achieve in film in 1926.

47- A Muppet Christmas Carol but a cut that includes the fiance’s song This finishes out my traditional Christmas films.

48- Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein Y’know, I’ve got two Branagh films on here and neither are what you would expect given his catalog. The other one’s Thor for crying out loud.

49- Highlander I noticed in recent editions of Vampire: the Masquerade that it’s still possible in that game to hide a katana in a trenchcoat. This movie is why.

50- The Name of the Rose One of only a few instances where I prefer the film to the book. That book loooooong.

51- Robocop (1987) Of all the damn science fiction, why must we be in Robocop?

52- The Prophecy Now we’re getting into films I demoted since the last time I updated this list. This film’s a slow burn unless you get turned up for angels and Christopher Walken like I do.

53- The Warriors Would be higher if the opening wasn’t so slow.

54- Legend Tim Curry kills it as Darkness.

55- Black Panther Objectively the best superhero movie and the Academy backs me on that one.

56- Wonder Woman I do wish they’d trot out Vandal Savage as a Wonder Woman villain.

57- Captain America: The Winter Soldier Just rewatched this one earlier! It is heavily marked by the height of the War on Terror.

58- Blade The ancestor of all modern superhero movies and a solid vampire flick to boot.

59- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Nostalgic for me? Maybe, but I hold that this is the first comic film worth a damn because they stuck with the comics when they wrote it.

60- Captain America: the First Avenger This movie is a real test of character. If someone doesn’t like Cap it’s because they think goodness is unrealistic.

61- Four Rooms Really just rooms 3 and 4.

62- Reservoir Dogs Hey, two Tim Roth films in a row!

63- Event Horizon Do you see?

64- What Dreams May Come Kind of an emotional ringer, especially after William’s death.

65- Monty Python and the Holy Grail Have I watched it into the ground? Yes. Is it still hilarious? Yes, and it gets funnier the more you study Arthurian myth.

66- Pulp Fiction I’m kinda over this now.

67- The Crow People who liked the comic passionately disagree with me but I still like this one.

68- Akira Still.

69- Ghost in the Shell Still, though the farther you get from 13 the less titties you need in your art.

70- Beetlejuice Why not? Let's just tack this on there.

Honorable Mentions:

Fight Club A suburb film but one I grew out of, as should everyone. If you meet a man who’s passionate about Fight Club, run!

American Psycho Ditto. I grew out of this but it’s still excellent.

What’s Eating Gilbert Grape A horrible caricature of my brother’s life. I don’t get along with my brother any more.

Rocky Horror Picture Show Not actually a good film if you watch it straight with no commentary. Still, it’s a cornerstone of queer culture.

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 Of all the superhero films, this is the one that resonated with me the most. I was in a weird place at the time. It still resonates with me now because I’m a foster dad.

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