#Your best friend marries a woman you dont like who is more similar to you than you would like to admit

[atomic-sludge]

On the one hand, I can understand why they didnt do anything more with the implication that Dan and Elise share a grandmother (it would retroactively make anything dan/elise ship related kinda weird) but on the other hand, can you imagine how fucking funny that dynamic would be if explored?

[c0llisiion]

NEED TO KNOW — j.jk

★Pairing: jeon jungkook + f!reader

★genre: smut

★: older!jk, dads bestfriend!jk , oral (giving and receiving ) , unprotected sex , reader has a crush on jk, bachelor!jk, big dick jk, size kink kinda, hair pulling, gagging, slapping, pervert jk , dry humping , anal play , degradation, name calling, nicknames - lmk if i missed any!

★W/C: 4,395

A/N: remember that time I mentioned a jk fic that i was writing? This is that fic. Literally put this on hold for 2 months and finished writing it last night 😭 anyways enjoy!!

.02 <3

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ MDNI. Please refrain from reading if the topics make you uncomfortable. ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

“But i dont wannnnaaaaa goooooo!..” you whined as you declined your dad’s offer to go to his big company party. “Sweetheart this is a huge deal for me …” your dad countered. “… more over, mr.jeon is going to be there ..!” Your ears perked up at the mention of Mr. Jeon. The tall, tatted bachelor with his piercings and built body, who has been your dad’s best friend since his college days.

Since you were a teenager, you have had the biggest crush on him. He was perfect in every way. He was older. More wiser. Handsome. Just your type. The initial infatuation was small, but as you grew into your adult years, it grew stronger.

You were starting to dream about him. Not even the usual kind. Wet dreams.

He grew older like fine wine. Body covered in beautiful art. Built like an actual Greek god.

Surprisingly, he was not yet married, even though he was well off in his late 40s. He used to say 'no woman has ever caught my attention' when someone mentioned him still being single at his age—from what you've heard.

Your dad and him, being business partners, frequently bring him to your home. Always hanging out at the bar or in your dad’s study. You capitalized on these small visits and began attempting to attract his attention. Whenever he came over, you started hanging out at the bar. Offering to make him special drinks. Talking about his interests , which you found out through intense stalking just to impress him. wearing revealing clothes, buying him his favorite food and snacks whenever you visit his office to pick up something for your father. You got very close to him. Your obsession with him became stronger because he seemed so nonchalant about your little tactics. The worst thing you have ever done was hire someone to break off one of his relationships. Only you were meant for him. No one else.

Hearing your father say that he would be there was another opportunity to impress him. You shot up. “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY THIS BEFORE???” You say as you rummage into your closet for the perfect dress. Your father believed that your attraction to Jungkook was innocent and similar to that of a child. You had always said you hated the smell of alcohol, so he thought it was strange for you to start hanging out at the bar. Despite noticing many changes, he dismissed them as 'innocence', so he expected you to join him if he mentioned Jungkook. He left your room with a satisfied smile on his lips. You finally found the dress. A satin spaghetti strap dress in black, his favorite color, with a dangerously low open back. The dress was revealing when you put it on; the side of your boob was peeking out, but it hugged your curves perfectly. As the time got closer, you finished up spraying on your most expensive perfume, taking a final look at yourself before leaving.

The party was classy. A huge venue with what appeared to be millions of waiters with champagne. Upon entering the venue with your family, your eyes immediately searched for Jungkook. It wasn't long before you spotted him in the middle of a small group. He seemed to notice your family and hurried towards all of you without delay. As he got closer, your heart was beating fast. “Hey hey! My man!” He said taking your dad into a tight hug. “You could have come a bit more later!” He said sarcastically, taking a jab at your dad’s late-coming habit. “Don't blame me! This one took too long!” Your dad exclaimed, hugging you by your side. Jungkook’s eyes landed on you. He stared you down. Taking in each and every curve, his eyes eventually landed on your chest before he looked at your face and smiled. “So glad you came! You look gorgeous tonight.” He said, taking in your hand and kissing the back of your palm slowly, in a sensual way, while deeply staring into your eyes. He pulled away and rubbed the skin with his thumb before giving you a smirk. You felt your insides melt and your brain malfunction at his simple gesture. You were frozen in place and didn’t know what to do. You shyly backed away and looked down , trying to hide your wide smile with your bangs, which Jungkook took notes on.

Time flew by as you watched Jungkook speak in front of the huge crowd with charisma and confidence. One of his best traits. He always caught everyone’s attention with his choice of words and tone. It was embarrassing for you to admit that, but it turned you on. Your legs were crossed, rubbing your thighs together from time to time, and no one seemed to notice, except for Jungkook, of course. He eyed you every time you made a small movement.

All the speeches and boring talks concluded, which made you run out onto the balcony for some fresh air. You stared off into the distance, thinking about what Jungkook had done to you earlier. Was it platonic? Was he just being nice? Does he have feeli- “did all those old men bore you out?” Jungkook was behind you. His voice husky. His lip and eyebrow piercing, shining under the moonlight. You were caught off guard and turned around to see ‘your man', “mr.jeon! Ugh you scared me!” You said dramatically, placing a hand on your chest. He gets closer with a charming smile on his face and hands in his pockets. “My apologies. I didn't mean to scare you!” He let out a soft chuckle. “How is your night going?” He asked you. “Hm? Oh good i guess, it’s kinda boring, but i would do anything for my father..” He chuckled and gave you a side eye. “For your father? Really?” it seemed like he knew the real reason why you were here in the first place. “Wdym really? I love my dad!” You said in a playful, offended tone.  He chuckled once again. “Fine fine! I know how much you adore him.” You sighed softly and smiled.

“I like that dress on you. It suits you a lot.”  He said while eyeing you. You blushed at his compliment, looking down and fiddling with your acrylic nails. “Thank you..” you mumbled under your breath. You feel him getting closer to you. “Sorry? I didn’t hear you,  sweetheart.” His hands were on your hips, squeezing them softly. You froze in place. Heart beating faster. Your legs threatening to fall. His hands creeped towards your ass. Groping it softly, not wanting to seem too pushy. “Mr.jeon…-“ you let out a shaky whimper at his touch. “It’s jungkook for you, doll.” He said leaning in closer to your ears. He took a huge sniff of your neck and hair. “Thierry mugler alien eau de parfum? You have good taste.” He said while softly chuckling in your ears before pulling away. He lifted your chin so you can look at him. Your eyebrows were slightly furrowed as you stared into his intoxicating eyes. “What did you want to say earlier?” You gulped before speaking up. “Thank you… jungkook.” He smiled at you before placing a kiss on your forehead. His hands went under your ears, caressing the soft skin gently. Your eyes widened, and you just stood there. “I’ll see you around okay?” He said smiling before he left. You were standing put, like a statue, your limbs refusing to move. 

A few days went by, and you were still processing whatever happened with jungkook that night. His kiss. The way his hands caressed your body. His little nicknames. It was just too much to process. You didn’t see or hear much from jungkook since that day. There were small interactions, but he seemed to ignore you each time. You were starting to get worried. What happened? What did you do wrong? Did you fuck up? Does he hate you?. You never stopped overthinking.

One morning, you heard the familiar voice of Jungkook from the kitchen, laughing and giggling with your father. You quickly put on your clothes and dolled up, still hoping to impress him, before you went downstairs. “Ah! She’s finally awake! We were just talking about you!” Your father exclaimed. You observed jungkook as he sat on the kitchen island and ate what appeared to be lucky charms. His favorite cereal. He glanced at you briefly before turning away. You felt your heart shatter. After all that he did? Is this the way he treats you? . You walked past him and got yourself a glass of orange juice. “Did you sleepwell princess?” Your father inquired. Jungkook was still not looking at you. His gaze was fixed on the newspaper in front of him. “Yeah yeah i did.” You said putting on a fake smile. “Oh!” Your father exclaimed as he heard his phone ring. “Excuse me.” He said before rushing out of the kitchen.

You glared at jungkook and gulped down your orange juice before dropping the glass onto the table. Jungkook noticed your action, which made him put his newspaper aside and walk towards you. “What’s wrong?” He inquired, leaning onto the island. “Hmph!” You huffed, turning around. He let out a low chuckle, shaking his head. “Come onnn! Tell me.” He said while hugging your waist from the back. You let out a heavy sigh before turning back around. “What did I do wrong? Why do you keep doing this to me?” You asked. “Doing what?” “Are you seriously going to act like you don’t know?” You said folding your arms. Jungkook had a confused look on his face. “You are ignoring me damn it!” “Ohhhhh! About that! I just didn’t have anything to say.” He said shrugging. You rolled your eyes at him. “Admit it, Jungkook, you just want to play with my feelings. You don’t care about me. You never did.” You let it all out. It was weird for you to act like this, but you couldn’t help yourself. Jungkooks eyes darkened, and he stared at you. You gulp.  “You think I don’t care about you? Me? Not caring about you? You think i come to your house almost every other day for your father?” He said while pushing you down onto the island. He turned you around and hugged you close to his body; you could feel his clothed hard dick on your pussy. You shudder when he slowly grinds his hips into your behind. “Ya feel that doll? Thats how you got me everyday..” he said whispering into your ears. His free hand found your right tit before he gave it a squeeze. Tugging the thin white fabric of your crop top down to expose your hardened nipple. You hear him darkly chuckle in your ear before giving the sensitive bud a squeeze. His hips never seemed to stop as he continued dry-humping you. You felt yourself involuntarily lowering yourself on the island, pushing your ass back into him for more stimulation. He immediately pulls away, leaving you weak and clenching around absolutely nothing. You whined, turning around to face him with pleading eyes. “What?” He scoffed at how desperate you were. He got closer and fixed your shirt. He didn’t say anything and just rubbed your shoulders down before walking away. 

A while later, you were napping in your bedroom. It was not uncommon for you to take naps in between the day since you were basically unemployed and didn’t have much to do, and you also needed one after what happened with jungkook.

All the blinds were shut, leaving the room completely dark. It was silent; the only sound that was heard was the faint noise of the air conditioner. You were in deep sleep and didn’t notice or hear Jungkook entering your room. You felt the bed sink next to you before you felt a cold hand on your hip. His hands, kneading the soft flesh of your ass before it grazed around your desperate cunt. You whine when you feel his fingers touch and draw circles on your sensitive part. “Shh..” he shushed you before pressing onto your pussy. He chuckles at how quickly you got wet. Your mouth was agape, soft grunts escaping every second. He slowly pushed you onto your stomach, climbing on top of you before pulling your pink panties to the side.

It was dark, and he couldn’t see much, but he could feel how soaked you were. He spread your cheeks and lowered his mouth down onto your cunt, sucking on it. Your eyes shot open, heavy breathing as you turned around to see the man of your dreams eat you out from behind. “Ju-jungkook..?” He shut you up by lapping his tongue over your dripping cunt. You let out a loud moan, your head falling sideways, already drooling even though he barely started. He lifted your ass up using his strong hands, making you arch your back. He dropped his head lower and started sucking on your clit, his big nose pressing into your soaking pussy. You grabbed a handful of his hair from behind and pushed him closer. He hummed into your pussy, making you gasp for air. Loud slurping and squelching sounds, along with his groans and your moans, echoed throughout the room. You were seeing stars. The way his mouth ate you out and the feeling of his cold lip ring on your pussy were beyond comprehensible. Your heart started beating faster as you felt your body warm up, and a knot formed in your abdomen. Jungkook took notes on your body language and pulled away. You cried out when you lost contact.

He leaned in and switched on one of your bed lights, finally giving the room some light. He observed your body. Your ass was still up, your pussy glistening with his spit and your arousal. It was clenching and unclenching around nothing. He let out a scoff before turning you around. Your face already looked fucked out. Tears painted your cheeks, and drool was all over your mouth. He hovered over you, placing a hand on the headboard. He used his other hand to wipe your face clean. “We have gotten ourselves a good hour; better make this quick, alright?” You nodded softly and wrapped your hands around his neck, pulling him into a soft and tender kiss. He kissed you back and hugged you closely to his body. His hands went under your tee, squeezing your tit. You whined into the kiss. “You are so sensitive, sweetheart…” he mumbled. You break off the kiss and cup his face. “Jungkook… want more..” He tilted his head to the side and stared at you. He put on a smirk before standing at the foot of the bed.

He took off his pullover, revealing his tatted arms and toned abs and pecs. The soft bed light that was illuminating the room was able to capture every detail of his body. You stare. Hand in between your legs, squeezed shut. You bit your lip softly before your eyes met his. He gestured for you to come closer, which made you crawl to him. Your face was now right in front of his hard dick. You could see the bulge growing. His hand went behind your head, grasping your hair gently. You looked up at him with your doe eyes, which instantly made him fold, but he kept his composure. He gave you a nod, pushing your head closer to his crotch. Your nose nudged the bulge before your greedy fingers hastily unzipped his pants. Your eyes widened when his cock sprung out and hit his stomach. He was big. Girthy. The tip was red, and you could see his precum peaking from the slit. Without wasting time, you took a stripe from the base of his dick until the tip before you sucked on it. He hissed at the feeling of your plump lips sucking on his sensitive tip. He was starting to get impatient and pushed your head down, filling your mouth even though he was only half way in. You looked at him with teary eyes as you choked around his girth. He almost lost it when you looked up at him with those eyes of yours. His other hand caressed your cheek, pushing himself further down your throat. You could feel him. Your jaws were hurting, and you grabbed onto his hips for stability. Your throat spasmed around his cock. He noticed how you were kinda struggling. “Better make me feel good, okay? I want that throat to show me what it got.” With that, he started thrusting into your mouth. You started choking and gagging around his length, which just turned him on even more.

He yanked your head off of his cock. A string of pre cum and saliva connected your lips and his cock head. You looked up at him and whined, wanting his dick to stuff your mouth again. He bent down to your level before licking your chin clean, swallowing the mixture before speaking to you. “On your knees and hands, baby girl." You obliged immediately, taking off your flimsy tee before throwing your ass in the air and arching your back for him. You felt the bed dip behind you, and jungkooks long dick landed on your ass, slowly grinding through the sheer panties.His wet cock making it translucent. You whimpered, already feeling yourself getting hotter. “You are such a dumbslut.” He lowly chuckled.

“You think it wasn’t obvious?” He removed your skirt and ripped your panties. You gasp at his sudden action. “All these skimpy skirts and tops.. and just when I'm around? Were you that desperate, princess ?” He said while pushing his cockhead into your sopping hole.

You let out a loud moan; his tip was enough to stretch you out. “Not gonna lie… i was very flattered” gripping your ass cheeks as he slowly pushed further, letting you adjust to his size. He continued. “I only kept my cool because you were my best friend's daughter, but—holy shit-“ he gets cut off as you clench around his length, tears already dripping down your face. Your mind fogging up. You were constantly letting out soft moans and whimpers as he slowly bottomed down into you. “Woah there-“ he chuckled. “im not even half way in sweetheart” he said while grabbing a handful of your hair and pulling your head back. You looked at him with teary eyes. Lips quivering. He smirked before kissing your cheek. He let go of your hair and pushed your head down into the pillow using his hand. The other hand was on your hip as he finally pushed all the way in. “Since you are begging for it— ” you let out a loud scream as he filled you to the brim.

Although it was painful, the pleasure made you forget about the pain. you felt warm spit fall on your pussy as he starts moving. “Gon’ fuck you silly, alright? Isn’t that what you wanted? Getting dicked down by your father's friend? What a whore…” You nodded incoherently. A loud cry left your lips as his hips thrust into you harshly. His pace was slow, but the way he thrust in was so... Your body was moving forward with every thrust. Sounds of wet skin slapping echoed through your room. You were not able to focus on anything. His pace increased, and so did the harshness of his thrust. You clenched around him, making him fall forward. He caged your tiny body under his larger one. “Fuck babygirl.. you are gonna rip my dick off..” he chuckled. “Jungk-kook… feels too good…” you managed to blabber out as he fucked into you like a madman. “Yeah? you like that? You liked getting fucked by older men, dont you sweatheart?” You whined as his large hands gripped your hair.

This was wrong. Very wrong. This man has seen you grow up. He has been there since you were a baby.

“Let me hear those pretty sounds…” he said while landing a tight slap on your ass, reddening the area almost immediately. You gasped and whimpered, letting out a loud pornographic moan as Jungkook hit a specific spot. His other hand found your swollen clit and started drawing rough circles on it. Pinching and tugging the abused nub. Your legs trembled, and your moans got louder. “F-fuck! Jungkook…don’t s-stop! Feels so good!” You babbled. Jungkooks eyes were focused on your pussy. The way you took in his length. Your milky white cream coated his entire length, collecting at the base of his cock.

He stopped thrusting in you for a moment. You whined as you felt him suddenly stop. Jungkook smirked before leaning over and whispering in your ears. “Fuck yourself on me, doll.” You cried in defeat. Jungkook placed his hands on his hips, waiting for you to start moving. You gulped before slowly rocking your body forward and backward. You could feel his every inch penetrating the insides of your gummy walls. His large tip hitting your cervix over and over again. “Thats all you can do? Wow.. so pathetic..” he scoffed. You shook your head furiously and started going faster. Jungkook let out a satisfied groan as he watched your ass ripple. “Play with that little clit of yours.” He commanded. You reached down in between your legs, finding the sensitive nub almost immediately. You slowly rubbed your clit, sending shivers down your spine. You moaned out as the stimulation of your pussy and clit was getting overwhelming. You fucked yourself faster on his cock. Mouth in a soft ‘o’ shape and eyes crossed as his cock hit your gspot every time you moved in and out. Jungkook was in a different world. His eyebrows were furrowed, and sweat dripped down his neck. He was close to cumming just by seeing you fuck yourself on him.

His hands spread your ass cheeks, before a glob of spit landed on your asshole. You shuddered and panicked, stopping for a moment. “J-jungko-?” “Just focus on fucking yourself; everything is going to be alright…” he reassured you. You nodded before going back. His long fingers toyed with your rim. You grunt when you feel his fingers prod into your asshole. “Shh- shh.. youre safe .. jus’ wan’ try something new..” You gulped and shut your eyes tightly as his fingers ventured further into your asshole. He shoved three of his fingers into you, making you moan out loud. “Fuckkkkk- so tight…” he whispered. You melt and crumble when you feel his fingers move inside of you. You buried your head in your pillow, muffling out any unholy noise.

Your pussy and asshole clenched around his fingers and dick, making him groan. “So damn sensitive… has any guy fucked you, this good princess?” You shake your head. “N-no sir …” Jungkook shot up at the name. His fingers increasing in speed. You let out choked-out moans and cries as his fingers curled inside your asshole. “Say that again, will ya?” His other hand found your hips and started stretching your pussy out again. “Please.. f-fuck me harder… sir.” That was all it took to make Jungkook go feral. His cock left your pussy and was immediately shoved inside your sensitive ass. Your eyes shot out, and you couldn’t make any noise as you looked back at jungkook with tears rolling down your cheeks. He pinned your wrists behind your back before moving in and out. He struggled, initially. curse him for not stretching you out more, but his cream-coated cock provided enough lube for him to start pounding into you smoothly. “Shits so fucking tight- gah-“ your lips quivered and legs trembled as Jungkook fucked into you with great strength.

You screamed out, finally getting your voice back after he fully plunged his cock into you. Your cunt was leaking arousal, dripping down your thighs. Jungkook didnt seem to stop. His heavy, cum-filled balls were slapping against your pussy. “Jungkoook…- its too- too much!” You cried out. “Take it. You are a big girl. Take it like a big girl. I know you fucking can. Look at your little ass sucking me in. So good. So fucking good.” He pulled your body back and pounded into you. Your face was a mess. You cried and moaned like a bitch in heat every time he filled you to the brim. You felt your orgasm approaching as the feeling of the familiar knot in your stomach began growing. “Jung-jungkook- gon’ cum…” you whined. “Go on princess… be a good girl and cum all over me..” you nodded weakly, focusing on reaching your high. Jungkook flipped you over, laying you down on your back. His hands pushed your legs up against your chest. You were in ecstasy as the new position had you seeing stars. You observed Jungkook's sweaty body and fucked-out face.

A slap was landed on your glistening, sopping pussy before two fingers were shoved inside them. His thumb stimulating your clit. “Ngh- oh fuck- jungkook m’ so close…!” Your eyebrows were knit together, and sweat dripped down your face. The overstimulation getting too intense. Both his hips and hands increased their pace, determined to help you reach your high. You saw white as Jungkook pressed down on your sensitive bud. Clear liquid gushed out of your pussy and landed on his abdomen. You screamed as he continued fucking you through your orgasm. “Yeah.. just like that.. so dirty.. you are such a dirty little girl..” Jungkook's movements got sloppier. Your orgasm turned him on by a mile, and he was close to cumming himself. You twitched under him, still not over your intense orgasm, not noticing that he had slipped out of you and was furiously jerking himself off. His head was thrown back, and soft moans left his mouth. His breath hitched when a load of his milky white cum shot out all over your body. Coating your stomach and your boobs. You moan as you feel his hot cum land on your body, taking the mixture in your shaky fingers and licking it off while staring into his eyes. Jungkook smirked at you with half-lidded eyes.

“My dirty little girl."

A/N: HEHE THANK YEWWW 4 READINGGG! how was it tho? This would have been a stepcest fic but i changed my mind in the middle 🙁💔 im currently writing fics from my inbox! You can send in your rqs <3

[storiesofsvu]

Hi! CM anon here. It's been a while since my last message, but I'm back. I'm now in season 8 (I'll be watching the season finale tonight). These past seasons had been quite a journey, the Lauren episode destroyed me, and Garcia's voicemail broke my heart.

I knew that season 8 would be an uphill struggle for me without Prentiss, but I enjoyed it more than I expected, especially with the replicator storyline.

Now, I've seen a lot of ships in the fandom, like everyone with anyone. Since I'm pretty much new in the fandom, I wanted to give it a chance to most of them and I think I have a few favorites already. But I wonder, which ones are yours?

oh hiii!!!!

glad you're back!

omg, the lauren arc is literally what i'll watch when i'm in the mood for cm but also in the mood to cry LOL.

season 8/9 get a lot of flack from people because there is no emily, and i totally understand that. HOWEVER, you get Alex Blake, which is an extremely good addition (i only wish we got to actually see her and emily like, solve a full case together or share time on the team cause that would be incredible). I also found s 8/9 to have a lot of good storylines and episodes. I think they're likely the seasons i've watched the most on repeat since watching cm. If Alex wasn't your cup of tea at first i also find that she grows on you, she's just so soft. i love her so much.

the replicator storyline is so good! i love those eps!!

oooo fun!!

TBH, i don't heavily ship anyone from the show. LOL, i know that's weird, but hear me out, i'll go through the big ones here:

Jemily: incredible potential when it comes to the early seasons, they have this chemistry and unspoken bits that scream more than friends (it's very similar to Cabenson imo, if you're an svu fan). Even like, s6/7 there are still moments of pining, but once they made the choice to write in AJ's pregnancy and have JJ settle down with Will, they ended Jemily. (and dont get me started on the s17/18/evolution jemily cause i literally have to log off twitter over how batshit the fandom is going rn).

I like them, i see the appeal. if Paget hadn't been leaving at the end of s7 and they had gone through and killed Will like they planned (and cbs weren't cowards) i could have seen the natural progression for Jemily to start then (slowly and over the years lol) but otherwise, it's a no for me (CANON) (i do still enjoy it in fics, even if i don't particularly read straight up jemily. if that makes sense).

Hotchniss: i completely and totally understand the appeal and why people ship them, but i simply cannot get behind them. Like, i want them both to run me over but ONLY ever individually. people often are all "but you write hotch and you write emily, why not a hotchniss threesome?" and i simply cannot answer that. I get the bestie, watching out for each other, willing to die on their sword for the other to protect them/their family, supporting each other vibes, and platonic love but i cannot see past that. Part of it is the shitty background writing for characters on this show and Emily's background/history not making a single lick of sense cause he apparently worked for her mother, sometimes its said he knew em when she was a teenager and he was an adult and that makes things super weird. but yeah... i get it, but its not my cup of tea. ESP in fandom when people write them married and dilute emily down to being this shell of a woman who is just a wife/mother and needs his support and protection to survive. like.. what... lol

Morcia: LOVE THEM. i absolutely love the vibe they give and i do think that they were always meant to be best friends. I love the teasing, the flirting with no harm, how much they truly love each other and protect each other.

Willifer: i swap back and fourth a lot on these two. I didn't see any huge issues then i rewatched the earlier stuff. 1: the writers threw them together so fast (again, because of aj's pregnancy) and the first time i didn't even remember him from his original ep by the time he showed up again. My second watch, it was the way he outed her for being pregnant and turning down his proposal in front of the entire team and said she shouldn't be out in the field that made me want to kill him. overall we see them making a happy family together so, in the long run, whatever, but that moment really gave me the ick.

I know you're not there yet, but:

Temily: basically the only ship that i REALLY like. they've got these little moments, tara is someone who comes into em's life later and isn't fully knowledgeable about emily's past, it becomes emily's choice when to reveal those little things, ya know? And i think that would make emily that much more comfortable and confident around her. i *personally* also think that this would be a much more logical step (as of the end of s16 at least lol) in canon than jemily but that's all i'll say to not spoil shit lol.

It's also not really a big ship, or much of one, but you cannot deny JJ/Alex had chemistry over their time together. If we completely ignore Will during those years, it's totally feasible they had a little fling. LOL.

SO.... yeah... i like the little undertones of a lot of ships while watching the show, i wish some of them had been developed a little bit more, like just give us crumbs pls. Others i absolutely despise. Others i have literally zero opinions on. It also very much can and does differ between canon and fanon.

have a great day!! <3

[oswednesday]

in a sexswap genderswap ever if everyone has switchedaroo cis wise bill cipher would still be A Guy just transmasc while there are many woman family annihilators when we think of this kind of societal violence it tends to be gendered and he still needs to represent "bob" so it is even more obvious the kind of play going on like oh i killed my sister then everyone else (additionally how that would work with girl dipper pre boy egg who wouldnt be able to stand mason(name swappy mabel easy peasy) attention he gets despite how silly and Not Masculine he is, making his dynamic with bill similar but gender tm acknowledging enough) and it would fit into like stan and ford are such Gendered characters so their childhood would have to be you gotta marry rich you gotta marry a doctor whats this becoming a doctor ill never have grandbabies now i wasted all that money on ballet classes when neither of you never got famous you want your poor mother to DIE to die penniless get out get out of my house i dont know you! <-equivalent of what their dad did but for girls while their swapped mom who is dad just turns up the tv with a third beer, bill still represents selling Out and then in the end its like this turbo lesbian finally ending up with her girl best friend from college (who is even more obvious the log lady i suppose gfdgdgfd)

[mythiccheroacademia]

Okay okay hear me out. Time traveling children. Like Todoroki, Iida, Shinsou and Tamaki casually finding their daughters in their timeline. Like they look at the girls and are just dumbfounded cause "this girl looks like my love child with y/n". And god forbid if the kid slips a "daddy?!" at them. *they all have daughters and todo has twin daughters and you cant change my mind *

doin the first three as per the rules! 

A/N: Okay, but can we all just agree that Parent!Bnha characters are superior? I literally spend whatever free time I have looking/reading next-gen MHA fanfics. They’re so precious. I might have to make one myself hmmm...

Warning: fluff overload?

Todoroki Shoto:

all todoroki wanted to do was go to bed on time 

all week, his friends convinced him to stay up past 8 and it’s been making him cranky

he’s such a grandpa

but you were a part of the group so he did it without complaint

today, he could finally sleep at 7:30pm

that was until he saw two 13-year-old girls on his bed

the girls stare at shoto and he stares back

then he turns to leave before they’re literally jumping at him and slamming the door shut

he’s already thinking of 101 ways to escape this stalker situation

the girls speak before he can freeze them

“we’re not stalkers”

“we’re actually related. swear!”

just as he’s about to tell them off and how he’s certain he doesn't have any relatives outside of his immediate family, he takes a look at the girls

he notices one has red hair and the other white. their eyes are heterochromic, like his, but one is blue and the other is e/c. their skin is a blend of his and someone else's

they look too much like him

the gears in todoroki’s head start turning

“who are you?”

the one with white hair looks nervous, but the one with red hair stares him right in the eyes

“we’re your--”

“shoto?”

you come from behind the door to see the trio

the girls seem excited 

“wow,” the one w white hair gasps

the one w red hair smiles lovingly, “mom’s been a baddie her entire life, huh?”

it was low enough so you didn't hear, but todoroki sure did

he looks between you, the girls, and himself in the mirror

then he bursts into flames

“shoto?” 

“dad!”

“daddy!?”

the flames on his left side get bigger

after he finally gets his bearings, todoroki puts the fire out and the twins explain themselves

you look amazed and smile at the fact that you made such pretty girls

meanwhile, todoroki is SWEATING

you and him got together? married? and had children? 4 children?

he just realized he thought you were beautiful last week

like can he get a break?

nearly jumps as you bring to his attention that the quirk that teleported them is fading

as they fade away, the one with red hair glares at him and warns

“dont mess up, old man”

when they're gone, todoroki sees you nervously scratch your neck

he half wanted to fade away as well

he didn't get the chance to go to bed on time, but after a long talk about feelings, he gets the courage to, awkwardly, you on a date

it goes really well and y’all meet your daughters again 10 years later :)

Tenya Iida:

there is a 9-year-old girl in his room and iida is currently having an internal meltdown

he’s trying his darn best to keep it together so he doesn't scare the small child, but it’s hard

freaks out anyway

“excuse me, lost child! where are your guardians!?”

“how did you bypass the UA security system!?”

“it is past your bedtime!”

his arms are whipping up a storm and he’s going on about child labor laws for some unknown reason

in the midst of his panic, he doesn't see the girl walk in front of him

she somehow catches his hands and lets his palms squeeze her chubby cheeks

“look at me and breathe”

“huh?” he whispers

the girl gives him a wide smile that’s eerily familiar 

“that’s how momma always calms you down, papa. you have to breathe!” she explains

the words register in his head and iida is, once again, having a meltdown

he always wanted a family, but having it confirmed was WILD

he had so many questions, but he was more focused on just how his...daughter got in his room

she explains it the best she can

“i was playing with Koji on the playground and then some mean-y zapped me with a quirk and, poof, i was gone. then i came here. you look different papa. you’re the same, but a little smaller”

he’s taking in the info and deduces that it was some kind of teleportation quirk

he doesn't know much, but he figures it will wear off

take his child to Recovery Girl just to make sure

Recovery Girl is amused at the entire situation and confirms that the quirk will wear off eventually

just out of curiosity, she asks who her mother is

“that’s easy! it’s Tenya y/n and her hero name is [hero-name]!”

the old woman goes “awww”

iida has never been redder in his entire life

he ended up marrying you?

YOU?

the girl with the prettiest eyes, most brilliant mind, and calming bright smile?

the exact smile this child had?

he almost fainted

when he takes his daughter back, iida is stoic, glasses reflecting the light

you meet him and the hallway and the girl runs towards you 

“momma!”

you catch the girl out of pure reflex and hold her in confusion

as you try to explain that you're not her mother, iida stares at the similarities

you two were nearly a carbon copies except for the engines in her shins and the sharp eyes

he sighs and calms his heart

instead of overwhelming you, he takes the girl back and promises to explain later

iida and your daughter fall asleep and the next day, she’s gone

iida goes to talk to you with the love letter he wrote a while ago behind his back

let’s just say you’ll be seeing the munchkin in no time

Hitoshi Shinsou:

when shinsou sees the 5-year-old on his bed, he knows

the girl with bright purples eyes and h/c hair is almost a perfect blend of both you and him

he’s smart

besides, he’d know that beautiful hair anywhere

it wasn't like he knew you were the love of his life

it wasn't like he stared you for hours

but that’s beside the point

the girl seems unsure about approaching him until he kneels in front of her and stretches his arms out

then she sobs into shirt, tiny fists balling up his collar

“i’m sowwy about runnin’ away when you told me not to! the kitty was just so pwetty, daddy!”

yeah, definitely his child 

“it’s okay,” he coos. “im not mad at you”

it’s almost scary how natural he is at calming her down

he picks her up and walks around, whispering sweet nothings in her ear until her tears run dry

is the only one out of the others that understands that if the girl reveals too much, she could ruin the timeline

and he wasn't about to let your ass go

after just finding out that he somehow managed to trick you into marrying him?

hell no

shinsou’s putting a ring on that even if it kills him

“okay, peanut. here’s how this is gonna go”

it takes a bit of back and forth, and bribing (he’s low-key proud of her bargaining skills), for her to promise that she’ll only call you by your hero name

and to reveal how many siblings she has

she’s the youngest of three with another one on the way

you always did like even numbers

when he takes you to the common room, he’s delighted to see you 

you are so excited to meet his “little cousin”

the way you and the little girl get along pulls at his heartstrings

you were going to be such a good mother

gosh, you were such a catch

how did he manage to scoop you?

shinsou may have taken a picture or two without you knowing

yall end up having a movie night and falling asleep

you two wake up in each other’s arms, your daughter gone

“that was our daughter, wasn't it?”

he’s kind of taken aback you pieced it together, but not surprised

you were smart 

and you had eyes

“yeahh,” he shrugs

you laugh and lie your head back down on his chest

there’s peace in his heart that he hasn't felt in awhile

“she’s kind of perfect”

shinsou wraps his arms around you, promising to never let go

“just like her mother”

[misslolasynastry]

Celebrity Synastry Analysis

Married at First Sight - Season 13

Ryan and Brett

Couples' Synopsis 🗯: Brett (yes her name is Brett) is a more liberal pop-chic, glamour, outgoing type of woman. Ryan is conservative, country music, outdoorsy, camo hunter, introverted guy. So far up to episode 11, they arent really into each other but they get along okay. You can tell that there isnt much of a spark, yet they still participate in activites. First day of the wedding, they were like oil and water as Brett felt uncomfortable with Ryan's lifestyle and views as she grew up in a more socially relaxed upbringing. Ryan is more quiet and soft spoken so although he peeps things he doesn't say much. Brett leads most of their activities together and although she is aware of their differences she's modest and optimistic about it. They dont argue theyve just sorta accepted how different they are and casually press on. They look more like coworkers that dont talk much. Ryan has gone on to say that he doesnt feel a connection with Brett and so he doesnt put in much effort toward the relationship. I created a poll amongst fans asking if they think Ryan's lack of connection is valid OR should he try more to make it work as Brett does? The results were 55% with 75 participants leaning towards them just not being a good fit. I agree in that regard.

Below is an example I give for basic synastry clients. One thing astrology doesnt account for is having a connection, as 2 people can be completely incompatible yet still crave each other in a love/lust way. Ive also seen couples that had highly compatible charts but they werent interested in each other. However, despite lacking a natural bond, theyre more likely to come to appreciate one another over time due to how naturally smooth things are. Synastry is more for analyzing the differences in 2 persons' behaviors and personality, as well as how they interact with each other. Youre able to see where you disconnect and where you have similarities. I do them for couples, family members, and best friends.

🌞 Sun - Leo * Scorpio

Represents what each person takes pride in and is the core of their personality. They are incompatible here because they view life and take pride in very different things. Their Suns also create a square aspect which intensifies how polar they are. Leo Suns are more extroverted and take pride in the joys of life, creativity, romance, independence, and things that encourage spontaneity and challenge. Scorpio on the other hand is a deeply emotional intimate sign, as an empath are often more introverted in relationships and prefer a slow and steady intensity. Scorpio is also more a codepenent sign as they feel at their best an most powerful when theyre in charge and can command change in their surroundings. This doesnt work very well with an independent Leo Sun as both of them are fixed (stubborn) signs, one emotional/sensual and the other more playful/fiery. You could see this on their wedding day as Brett felt out of place while Ryan couldnt figure out why Brett couldnt just let go and enjoy the moment.

🌛 Moon - Virgo * Cancer

Represents how each handles emotions, feelings, the way they feel nurtured and nurture others. They have compatible moon signs as their zodiacs are both introverted, sensual, slow and steady, as well as sensitive. Virgo moons are the organizing perfectionists so they tend to pick apart everything they sense and how theyre feeling. As an earth sign theyre very grounded but at the same time are constantly trying to perfect their relationships with others. If youre paying attention to the little details, they will love you for it. Cancer moons are the motherly type and at times codependent because if they care for someone they will try to protect and "mother" them. As an empath they are very sensitive to the feelings of others and do things to try to keep the peace. Because both are introverted, slow paced, and sensitive emotionally this pairing works well. You can see as Brett and Ryan are talking that they feel comfortable with each other especially when sharing their feelings.

🗣 Mercury - Cancer * Libra

Represents the way you communicate, process information, and the key to what goes on in a person's head. They are incompatible here because they process information and communicate very differently. There is also a square aspect which indicates being more prone to misunderstandings as well as having alternate viewpoints on many topics. Those who watch the show can see that they have very different social lives and beliefs. Cancer is more sensitive, family based, an emotional speaker, and empath. Cancers are in a way more dreamy and poetic conversators. They are sensitive to the things others say and fear hurting other's feelings as well as hearing harsh words. Libra is more intellectual, analytical, extroverted, and social. Librans are peacekeepers and enjoy light hearted fun conversation, they arent afraid of blunt direct speaking but dont take well to conflict. However in ways both individuals are people pleasers as these zodiacs feed off the other person, in order to respond in a way they think is acceptable. Ryan prefers a communication style thats more emotional poetic and intimate, while Brett wants someone to joke with and is engaging to have a good time. They dont really talk much and as you can see, Brett engages him more than the other way around. Ryan doesnt feel emotionally connected so often opts out of conversation unless its deep.

💝 Venus - Libra * Sagittarius

Represents your creativity, romance style, inspiration, and foreplay. They are compatible in this area as both zodiacs enjoy this more light and fun essence when doing different activities together. Libra Venus tends to love social activities and things that bring a bit of challenge in to the mix, having a peaceful loving relationship is important to them. Sagittarius is the spontaneous optimistic adventurer, enjoying someone they can grow with and exchange ideas. And because both are able to let go and have fun, theyre able to spend time with each other despite differences. You can see this in the show as both Brett and Ryan still participate in activities together while other couples struggle more.

😡 Mars - Capricorn * Libra

Represents the way you respond to conflict, what motivates you, and the style of sex you prefer. They are incompatible in this planet as they resolve conflict in very different ways. Capricorn the fatherly hardworking zodiac can be more withdrawn and stern, seeking to take some time to calm down before trying to resolve things. They approach conflict by way of hardwork, discipline, structure, conservatism and law. Capricorn Mars play by their rules on whats right and wrong and can have a traditional stance on things. They can get emotional and defensive of what they deem to be law. Libras dont mind approaching conflict head on, because when resolving they tend to remove emotions and analyze the situation. Theyre considered the best judges of the zodiac due to their ability to find balance and bring harmony. However, Libra Mars can be people pleasers and kinda passive about things. If they feel the other is uncompromising they will withdraw. Although Ive never seen them argue, I can predict that Ryan is more on the sensitive side and very matter of fact, while Brett may attempt to get her point across then cave-in once Ryan is noticeably uncomfortable. Although they may be able to trigger each other in the mood by way of Venus, Capricorn mars prefers more slow and steady lovemaking, while Librans like things more fast paced and fun in the bedroom. Im willing to bet that Ryan enjoyed Tantric yoga more than Brett did.

When it comes to aspects traditionally I would break down them all, but when first looking at someone's chart in a basic synastry standpoint, I analyze longevity factors first. Such as aspects to Saturn, Pluto, North Node, and at times Juno. But to keep this shorter, I'll stick to the 3 major aspects. Conjunctions, Trines, Squares

😇 Saturn Trine North Node - support each others growth through maturity and discipline

👥Saturn Conjunct Uranus -traditionalist vs nonconformist, the unexpected and practical nature of each other is beneficial, but feelings of restriction or unpredictability can crumble the relationship

💣Saturn Square Moon - saturn sees moon as overly sensitive while moon feels restricted. It grows worse over time as each feel misunderstood, its up to Saturn to reconcile this issue by being more attentive.

😇Pluto Trine Sun - encourges confidence, positivity, and has a transforming effect on each partner, mostly Sun

😇Pluto Trine Jupiter - optimism remains through difficulty which allow both to persevere through challlenges

😇Pluto Trine North Node - pluto has the ability to transform and empower North Node on their path to success

💣Pluto Square Lilith - good intentions can get lost in the mix as pluto person attempts to transform liliths obvious struggles

😇North Node Trine Mercury - Mercury stimulates North Node's intellect regarding their purpose and karma in unexpected ways.

👥North Node Conjunct Jupiter - optimism and a sense of purpose motivates each other. This can help them succeed in things they do together.

💣North Node Square Neptune - the future of the relationship can be very cloudy, they may seek to look at each other for inward healing and North Node will lose patience for it all

💣North Node Square Venus - indicates differences in where each person wants the relationship to go, Venus prefers lighthearted fun and romance while North Node takes their path more serious.

📒 Final Thoughts: Based on their compatibility and aspects, there isnt much spark or longevity between them. And they may never quite align for that reason. They could attempt to work through these problems but for a lack of connection on Ryan's end, hes less likely to try to make it work. Brett is at least open to it but having different lifestyles and alternative desires for a relationship will make it hard to move forward. This is why having a mutual connection is so important in a relationship because both partners at least have that glue to try and make differences work. The only thing theyve got going for each other is the ability to understand each other's emotions and have a good time. But when examining aspects, Ryan still views Brett as overly sensitive and not disciplined in her reactions. Even if they did press on with their relationship, they may still find it dull, just based on the lack of fun aspects in their synastry chart.

🧜🏽‍♀️ For inquiries regarding synastry charts please visit my profile introductory post, email misslolasynastry@gmail, or shoot me a message. If you'd like me to analyze a celebrity couple im open to doing so as long as you have both birthdays on hand. I can also analyze family members as well.

[a-valorant-effort]

Got any good ocxcanon content for us Cass?

*SLAMS HAND ON DESK* WELL I THOUGHT YOU’D NEVER ASK

Noura + Aurora ships by yours truly

(Let me know which one your fav is idk who’s gonna be endgame yet)

Aurora section:

Headlights

Aurora x Chamber— Bitter Opulence

- Both come from lavish lives

- They’re that hot couple you half wish you were but also are deathly afraid of

- Enemies to lovers type beat :lipbite:

- Aurora does not trust Chamber whatsoever, and does her best to avoid him

- Playing hard to get he thinks? Oh yeah, he’ll play.

- Chamber this isn’t a game she despises you.

- Spoiles her probably, on missions he organizes Chamber makes sure Aurora is as comfortable as possible

- Aurora isn’t a monster, she does appreciate the gestures that Chamber gears toward her

- It’s gonna take more work than that though, pretty boy.

Nightlight

Aurora x Omen— Opposites Attract

- My main and my oc? Yeah I’m that bitch *twirls hair*

- Besties to lovers

- I’ve said before that Aurora and Omen have prob had their radiants the longest and therefore have had time to train together/bond

- Omen has opened up about lots of things to Aurora, and vice-versa

- Old married couple, watching them talk to each other is like watching old romcoms of two old people complaining. To each other? About each other? You’ll never know.

- “Keep yourself safe, my shadow, wouldn’t want you giving us away.”

- “Your brilliant light is going to get us killed, if anything. Stay behind me.”

- You insult one of them to other though? Prepare to die.

- “Aurora is more powerful than anything you or any man shall see in this lifetime. Watch your step, her nor I will be there to catch you if you fall.”

- “Omen has been through so much. You dare speak ill of my most dependable ally? Perhaps you’re weaker than I thought.”

- (Ngl I see this more as a bff dynamic more than anything else)

Shieldshock

Aurora x Sova— Humble Beginnings

- Favorite ship tbh

- They’re both mentor/big sibling types. Always looking out for others in protocol

- Aurora values any gesture/display of affection Sova graces her with

- Sova goes so out of his way to get Aurora to talk to/notice him not knowing she is literally stealing glances at him any chance she gets

- Mutual pining champions, makes everyone at protocol want to bash their head into a wall

- Aurora meeting Sova’s family :D

- His parents proud that he chose to love such a humble and kind woman (and so pretty too!)

- Sova isn’t usually talkative but him talking to his family about Aurora? Sit down this is gonna take a min

Noura section (partially ghostwritten by @lemonssoda):

Windrunner

Noura x Jett— Race ya!

- “We’re rivals!” “We are?”

- That’s it that’s the ship

- Jett feels so threatened that there is someone faster than her. Impossible.

- AND she’s getting mentored by Aurora? Fuck no! That’s my mentor, back off!

- Noura’s so happy to have a friend tho :D!

- Every training session is a competition

- Noura shamelessly/unintentionally flirting with Jett during these times

- It takes Noura getting serious and saving Jett from a suicide mission for her to realize “oh hell she cute”

- Noura going out of her way to impress Jett while Jett is just like “oh yeah?! I can do that too!”

Glowstick

Noura x Neon — Electric love

- The bitch isn’t even out yet but I don’t care

- The similarities are uncanny— Neon and Noura would depend on each other heavily in and out of combat

- “I get you, and you get me, please don’t leave.”

- Radiant related injury? Let me tenderly treat your wounds

- Afraid of an upcoming mission? Dont worry I’m coming! There’s nothing to be afraid of!

- Crying late at night because you miss your mom? Family is everything to me, I will be there first to comfort you.

- OH THE ANGST POTENTIAL WITH THESE TWO

- Noura meeting Neon’s family *slams credit card on table*

Nanovolt

Noura x Killjoy— Brains vs. Brawn

- I love the kind of woman that talks over me -Noura

- Killjoy yearns for someone to talk/ just ramble on about technical stuff to

- Noura’s just a good listener in general, she’s used to the ramblings of her father

- KJ spoils Noura with tons of new gadgets and advancements to her gear

- It’s literally so easy for Killjoy to impress Noura she could literally just add an extra pocket to her suit and Noura would be like “:0”

- Killjoy’s passion reminds Noura of her mother, and it gets to her sometimes

- “Hey your dad stole a gadget from me can you get it back for me?”

- “yeah.”

[pokedash55]

Acronix X Coffee Robot Crack AU

SUGGEST READING MY ECHO MEETS ACRONIX FIC BEFORE THIS

IT BUILDS ON THIS WACKY WORLD OF MINE

Click for Echo Meets Acronix Fic

To summarize//TL;DR: Acronix falls out of the time vortex at the light house a befriends Echo Zane, learns empathy and put Echo on Social media so everyone knows he exists now. 

-After he leaves echo zane with a borg watch he finds himself back in Ninjago

-Stalks borg and his fam like a creep

-Jay introduces Echo to the dyer family

-Echo and unagami are siblings now

-Acronix is kinda like Echos big brother

-But no one else accepts this

-Zane and Pix give skeptical and menacing, “if you touch him” glares

-Unagami is confused babi and likes their new brother echo

-So Like One day it’s Borg, Pix, Zane, Jay, Unagami, Echo, and Milton dyer, and Acronix in a room together  (Fic on that later :3 )

-The whole fam

-Nixie just lingers around borg tower saying random junk sometimes

-Acronix : “You either die a villian or live long enough to see yourself become…”

-Pix: “A very annoying customer who is about to be escorted out of the building?”

-“UH NO. Wrong answer Pix (“dont call me pix”). REDEEMED. Cause I’m like… totally redeemed now”

-Just holds up a high five for the room and left hanging by everyone

-Jay’s like :Yeeeoree not part of our group”

-So like Acronix and Echo Zane are bro’s now cause I said so??

-Everyone: Nix is part of the Borg Family

-Me: Well YES, but actually no

-This isn't really a Future thing

-In this they're mostly frenemies kinda??

-But Acronix does really like him and borg tower and Borg is too nice to throw him out XD

-Acronix has zip money and doesn’t FEEL like looking for Krux rn

-Gets his morning coffee everyday bro

-Starts crushin on the Coffee manager (naming her shannon after the voice actor)

-His routine is basically wake up, coffee, Shannon, stalk borg, watch memes, think about looking for kux than fall asleep on phone

-Posts bout his lil bro alot (echo)

-Posts about Shannon ALOT

-Many many selfies of him an his coffee

-Realizes he may need to get someplace to live since he had yet to venture for krux

-Shoot money is a thing he doesn’t have

-Borg be super kind like, “You can stay at my Newly renovated highly advanced Borg Hotel but you must get a job.”

-Acronix gestures at being one of those technology intern clerks at borg industries. “Is for me?”

-”Must get a job AND leave my family alone…. For now… please?”

-Borg is too nice to the guy who kidnapped him and is infatuated with living at borg tower

-Does borg live in borg tower?

-Gunna say he does

-Cause Acronix just LOITERS in borg tower 24/7

-Like its like hours after closing of the downstairs shop and Pix is like getting her suit on and forcefully escorting Nixie out of the premises

-So anyway Nix has to get a job

-Ugh entry level Jobs are SO beneath him.

-Pouts uwu

-Gets a job as a barista to at least have fun with someone cool

-Ronin notices that sales have gone up in the coffee shop since Acronix has started hanging around there, because the girls think he’s pretty and he posts a lot on social media.

-Ronin wants this, but doesn’t want to have to actually pay Acronix for being a faceman.

-Hires him “as a barista”. Basically he hires Acronix to sit at the counter and look pretty, while giving the joint free advertising.

-Acronix totally doesn’t notice this and is fine with being completely exploited and underpaid.)

-Acronix X Coffee Bot! (In this she’s named Shannon)

-Shannon is like… chill and rude, but never offensive

-Cheats in chess

-Smug about it too like deamn she mean

-Epic moves (Both spinny sign and juggling. And makes epic coffee)

-Unflinching at a fire

-Complete apathy

-Throws "Floyds"  teapot plan away immediately cause she doesn’t get paid enough for this sh*t

-Says she doesn’t drink coffee but than is seen drinking coffee that lier

-Bad habit of Ignoring stufft. Ignores the upgrade, ignores her lie detector, ignores the fact the -machine is literally ice frozen

-She wears a miniskirt and a crop top/bra thingy to WORK. On the clock! savage

-Nixie is confirmed to get crushes easily and like powerful/ mean woman (Machia)

-Also he has no shame in liking nonhumans

-Love technology so would totally vibe with her

-Robotsexual for sure

-Powercouple

-Since she is still A.I, so Nix’s outgoing and I don’t care i'm great loud personality would really surprise her and she’d be inspired/impressed by his lack of chill and lack of care

-She has a bit of sass and goth hot topic to her but also still has that robot innocence that would blend nicely with Acronix since he is also Abrasive and rude on the outside, but is a tad of a softy coward (He hugs his bro and cowers behind him and gets adorably defensive when he snarks at him)

-He’d teach her so much about being more alive… maybe a bad influence but she’d dig it

-He calls her Shay almost constantly

-He hates being called Nix

-Like he is a prideful warrior who expects people to use his full name in respect

-But Shannon is too cool for that

-Calls him Nix sometimes anyway

-Respects her boldness

-The audacity to do so without permission!

-Shannon owns a motorcycle because come on

-Ridin home on a sick bike together

-Stealin stuff when people aren’t looking

-Banned from Ronin thrift shop for sure (they're lucky they weren't fired after that night. But he literally can't fire shannon)

-Chill on friday nights at Laughys karaoke.

-Not singing, just laughing at how stupid other people look singing drunk kareoke

-So a jock dork egotist and a apathetic punk bot walk into a bar

-Dareth honestly doesn’t know this guy was the one sending snakes after his trophies so he just treats him like a normal costumer

-Neither of them care about Dareth’s attempts at small talk.

-Too busy loving themselves like idiots

-She kicks his ass in strategy video games and he destroys her in battle royal stuff

-Both are equally bored by like Animal crossing and other fake life games YAWN so much work

-Shannon enjoys the thrill of racing games

-Nixie plays em but it’s not his best game

-Both GEAMMERS (but in a frighteningly cool way. They somehow both avoid nerd status… nixie still a dork tho. Jock dork)

-She makes coffee art of her hubbies face.

-He gives her so much social media attention

-Acronix gives her coffee shop media rep and he loves the petty feeling of beating Wu at something

-She doesn’t quite get his excitement in it (cause she’s on neutral terms with Wu) but loves the media attention

-She doesn’t get his phrases and he finds that both aggravating and endearing

-“Um I’m Aconic”

-Shannon: “So you’ve been lying about your name this whole time?

-Acronix: “...?”

-“That's honestly sick”

-Acronix “… “

-One day they joy ride on a motorcycle

-End up loitering around borg tower

-Borg officially meets Shannon and is interested in her origin

-Her design is not like he has seen but it also seems familiar

-She says she doesn't remember much other than working for ronin

-"Ronin" borg mutters spitefully

-He has a history of y'know.. Messing with his tech (dismantling pixal and selling zane hmmm)

-Does a diagnostic code scan

-Acronix worried bout his bae and hyped he was actually invited in for once.

-Progress on that "friendship"

-He discovers her model and general code is similar if not almost exactly the same as pixal’s code

-Ronin scrapped together with some mechanical help from his friends the walkers to make a functioning robot manager with borg tech he scrounged up and a stolen copy of pixal’s blueprints ( maybe he took pictures of them when he sold her to chen) and specs so he wouldn't have to pay for multiple employees. Just having the one really efficient one would save him thousands

-So shannon is pixals sister

-And her parents are The walkers, Ronin, and borg

-The family tree only grows people

-So Acronix is apart of the ninja family now if he marries Shannon

-Here's a chart if you're as confused as I am here:

-Anyway Shay doesn't really care much

- Her expression doesn't change

-She had never really gone out of her way to worry where she was from so it wasn't a huge revelation

-It was to nixie tho

-As the extravert he was (and has extensive experience of being a sibling) he had to make sure she got to know her new family NOW

-Like in the middle of the night now

-He never waits for things to happen

-Pix is first and she is about to power down for the night when...

-DOOR SLAMS OPEN

-"Hi SIS!!" Acronix just screams

-"hey. I'm like your sister now." Obvi shannon is more lowkey about it

-Shannon and pixal mildly get along

-Questions her taste in men alot

-Acronix chills in the back already bored and ready to move on.

-Although he's annoyed by them, the ninja were next up

-Zane and Jay are both family now

-Shannon starting to think he's using all this to fill the void of his brother being gone.

-Cause she has no interest for or against meeting these people but Nix sees it as urgent

-But he seems happier than usual so she'll let him throw her name around for a while. She did mooch off his social media so it was only fair

-Anyway eventually Acronix does find his brother, and tries to explain this whole mess to his less-than-thrilled twin

-God once Krux gets back tho

-“Hey bro! I married a robot she’s amazing!”

-He’s just taking selfies with her in hot topic outfits both of them

-“God no my brothers Robotsexual. My worst nightmares have been realized”

-Krux can only stare in horror at the people his brother now considers “family”

-Wu’s students?!, Robots!?, what EVEN IS AI?!?!?

-He eventually gets over it

-eventually maybe

-At least he can admire her attitude

-Will still mess with his bro tho.

-This is the worst timeline imaginable.

-But I can't apologize for art

[la5t-res0rt]

Wanted to ask about beetlelyds, sorry, I thought it was technically cannon? Like in the old comics after the show ended she grew up and married him. Sorry I’m an old school fan and have no idea why this whole thing is such a big deal. Wasn’t the actor like 20 too? I’m sorry if I sound very dumb. I’m not used to this new tumblr.

youre fine you are one hundred percent allowed to especially when you do it civilly as you have done here

first of all the biggest issue faced in the whole what is and is not canon debate is the fact that there are three (four if you count the limited comics run) publicized iterations of my media

i will go over each very briefly just kidding this is going to a long answer so i will spare the dashboard with a readmore

there is the movie which im sure you dont need me to explain the plot since youre an old school fan but basically the climax is that yes beetlejuice does go for the marriage angle in exchange for stopping the exorcism of adam and barbara and his motive for this is so that he can cause as much chaos as he wants on the mortal coil but his plan is thwarted when barbara rides a sandworm into the house which promptly eats beetlejuice sending him to bureaucratic death limbo

the end of the movie features the deetz and the maitlands happily living together with lydia havign a new appreciation for her situation and beetlejuice gets his head made real small which is very funny haha 

so no in the movie they are not canon editors note the actress who played lydia winona ryder was a teenager while filming the movie she turned 17 the year it released 

the next is the cartoon which i will admit has the most grounds for being considered canon but in the end the show is about a middle schooler and her best friend who is a ghost which in itself is a pretty iffy gray area sort of thing but for a childrens cartoon to work a friendship is better than the obvious enemy status they held in the movie

anyway in the cartoon they are potrayed to be very close friends with lydia being the person beetlejuice cares about the most and honestly if you were to watch it with no prior knowledge of the media and if you ignored their massive and obvious age difference than yeah you probably would read it as a romantic relationship 

however lydia is a middle schooler and that is simply immoral

there have been writers for the cartoon who have been credited to say that a relationship is what they were trying to invoke but for obvious reasons they couldnt exactly move forward with that angle with them establishing that lydia is a child in middle school and a fully grown adult man dating a child who is in middle school is immoral and also illegal in the united states and in canada 

this isnt a good argument for whether or not something is canon and i will tell you why with one simple name and that is luke weber

if you dont know who luke weber is he was a storyboard artist on the cartoon steven universe he is known for making a lot of self ship artwork of him and the character pearl

he worked on the show isnt his material canon no of course it isnt it wasnt put in the actual publication and also if memory serves he was eventually asked to leave the project after he drew art of the shows creator giving him permission to date pearl and calling them her otp and a lot of fans hated this because the most generally accepted interpretation of pearls character is that she is sapphic so a lot of people took issue however that again is just a widely perceived headcanon it is never stated what her actual sexuality is no one in that show is because it isnt a show about that its about wait im getting off topic sorry

what im saying is what can truly be considered canon is what you see on the screen and with the cartoon they are definitely the most friendly with each other and that is why so many people in the beetlebabe shipping community take so much stock in the cartoon because it is the easiest to read the relationship between the mas romantic although that is not what the show actually provides in black and white terms

interpretation does not equal canon and in this case no matter what anyone says the fact remains that in the cartoon itself they are friends good friends yes but friends all the same

it is definitely not a show about a grown man grooming an adult and if it were you definitely shouldn’t be stanning it the extreme because grooming a minor is wrong and it is apparently a problem in the fandom

anyway if the cartoon and the movie are both products of their time and there was more leniency on content bear in mind this was the same era as notorious animation powerhouse and known predator john k who was a showrunner on ren and stimpy and he maintained a relationship with a teenager which was an open secret that nobody really took issue with because in that time being a woman in the animation industry was tricky business and your career could be ended easily if you rejected advances luckily time has moved forward and the animation industry although still full of problems of a similar nature at least people are getting called out and punished for it

you can look more into that yourself its really upsetting though

as for comics i havent been able to find good scans of them and im not willing to purchase them but in my search i never found anything about the two of them ever being married in the cartoon again because she is a child i did find a cover where he appears to be getting married and hes asking lydia to get him out of it but im not sure where the comic actually goes all i know is she is standing off to the side shrugging and looking like she doesnt really care

anyway that brings us to the musical which is set in the modern day 

in the original libretto lydia is described as thirteen but since they got an actress who was older in the updated librettos she is listed as 15 and the story is pretty similar to the movie the young girl befriends ghosts and they try to scare her family out etc etc

the major difference between the film and the musical are that lydia and beetlejuice are more like friends like in the cartoon 

she summons him to help scare after the maitlands attempt doesnt really work so he shows up and they have fun terrorizing people together however she drops him for the opportunity to perhaps get her mom back but when no one will help she goes back to beetlejuice who tricks her into almost exorcising barbara

she agrees to marry him in order to stop the exorcism and he only wants to get married so he can be alive again and cause problems on the mortal coil like in the movie in the musical he states several times its a green card thing whihc obviously doesnt make it okay but still

anyway lydia tricks him and runs off into the underworld before the wedding can happen blah blah blah she goes back blah blah and she agrees to go through with the wedding to save her friends and family with a plan to make him go away for good

theres a very tongue and cheek song called creepy old guy which points out how wrong the whole thing is but everyone is going along with it in a very comedic matter and it includes the line 

i cant believe some cultures think this kind of things alright

basically saying yeah this is very very wrong anyway they do get married and beeltjeuice is alive for like 6 seconds before lydia stabs him to death with bad art and he dies thus nullifying the marriage because death do you part etc

so in the musical no at the end of the show they are not canon because he is dead their marriage is nullified and they go their separate ways

anyway sorry about that i just need to make it very clear that these three properties are all very distinct from each other and basically all three are indeed canon since they are publicized material and arguing the validity of which one is pointless editors note all actresses who played with the exception of dana steingold were minors for the majority of their runs as lydia with sophia ann caruso the originator of the role turning 18 during the run and dana being in her late twenties presley ryan however was a minor the whole time and still is one

tldr no they aren’t canon but to the credit of some people in this fandom their interpretation isnt too far of a stretch thanks to the era and some of the writers wishing to imply a relationship between an adult and a child

i also need to address how this is all a big deal and i suggest you take a peak through my discourse tag and check out @leedia‘s blog to see some of the more harmful things done by beetlebabe shippers

the beetlejuice fandom is home to many minors after the musical came out since musical fandom is vast and the ages of its members varies and normalizing pedophilia is harmful to them not to mention the people who have been effected by sexual harassment at the hands of adults

both sides have victims of csa but one side continues to perpetuate the cycle by showing time and time again that this behavior is normal and easily romanticized in the name of coping and literally anyone who has ever been to a good and credible therapist could tell you that posting cp even if it is simulated cp isnt a really good way to cope and you can get mad at me for saying that its totally fine but and im going to remove my character veil here for just a second as a csa survivor myself i think its harmful to not only myself but many others ok the veil is back down

tldr again there is a lot of bullying and harassment going on with both sides having their own issues but there is one side whos issues run a bit deeper in my humble opinion 

thank you for your question it allowed me to talk a lot you are welcome to discuss further with me in dms if you wish i honestly recommend giving the musical a listen because it is very fun and despite what some people say its very clever and if you get a chance to see a boot of it its visually stunning

one last note that i couldnt really fit in here but a large portion of the beetlebabes shipping community ignore the musical because it openly condemns the idea of beeltejuice and lydia having a relationship and a lot of the antis take issue with much of the writing and characterizations of the cartoon just a note that i think is important since were talking about canon

[drivemysoul]

Can you explain the secret messages in your woodvale edit please?

oh gosh i can try sdjkfsdkhf it's probably a lot easier when you actually know the songs so i'll do my best (link to the edit)

okay so the opening and closing track have eachother's titles as secret messages because they're supposed to directly mirror eachother. white picket fences is a story of that perfect 60's american dream family with 2.5 kids and a house with a white picket fence and a rose garden. it's about how they're a perfect family. meanwhile, suburban dreams is what happens when that american dream ends and (after the events of the album) the family is split up and seperated

grow old with me is about childhood friends who grow up and fall in love and get married and have kids. it's the same sort of story as mary's song (oh my my my) which is why i decided to just reference mary's song for that message

picture perfect is basically about how the family from wpf keeps up appearances because they're like, meant to be in high society or something. the message is "dont forget to smile" because they have to always look picture perfect, even when they feel like shit and just wanna cry

and ever's message is forever because. forever and ever. i honestly couldn't think of a final track name that suited the edit so i took this one from "can we always be this close forever and ever" from lover sdkjfhsdhkf

in my head this album would be set in like the 60's and so i googled "vintage car brands" to come up with cadillac, and then it's a car so i just went with the first car-related(?) lyric i thought of, "the road not taken looks real good now" from tis the damn season

head of the table is about an older woman who refuses to accept times are changing. she stands her ground a lot and basically - because she's rich and influential - gets mad when a new young family shows up. so she's like "i was here first. you can't make me change my ways. you changed my whole town but i was still here first."

late november is a reference to call it what you want "i recall late november holding my breath slowly i said you dont need to save me but WOULD YOU RUN AWAY WITH ME" and its the best part in the songkjsdhfsdf

"do i owe you?" in the description of the edit i kinda turned it into more like mad woman-esque mad at scooter but like. it's actually a song about a wife having an affair and someone finds out about it, so she's begging them to be quiet like "do i owe you? what do i owe you to get you to stay quiet?". the secret message was meant to allude to that meaning

turn the town is about the "new money" (aka the rich new family) who moved into town and start changing everything around, so the secret message just refers to the new family

rumours is about rumours getting around that the wife is cheating, and everyone in town is gossiping about it, hence "everyone knows everything"

shelter is a song i wrote about my boyfriend and how he gives me warmth and safety and comfort in storms, like he shelters me from the outside world outside of our relationship. it's conceptually similar to peace, so i went with a reference to "i'm a fire and i'll keep your brittle heart warm" for the secret message

all the signs is a reference to the "you didn't even see the signs / you never gave a warning sign / i gave so many signs" in exile, so i just made exile to message

pine trees is for the purpose of this edit, when the father kills his wife and covers it up because the entire town is talking about it and its ruining his reputation and it's going to "ruin his kids lives" so he kills her and buries her under the pine trees. and the kids as where their mum is and the dad says "sometimes people are safer over the rainbow, above the weather with you wherever you go" so i made "somewhere over the rainbow" the message

and yeah :)

[sokkathebluewolf]

A review Why you do that? Making Sokka mention 28 in his vows now everyone think he slept around after the best time of his life? They both dont deserve this June slaves Hina Tylee now this Please don't make more girls fall for him involve with him feels like the whole fic turned around this Haru deserves better Tylee is flirting around

Don't get me wrong This is your fic and you can do anything you feel fit I'm merely giving an opinion ''cause Gladiator has things which you handled the best There is a Reason for this success I just hope this plus 1 girl thing in Sokkla relationship Stops But I always respect you with your great work(:

You do realize how utterly laughable it is to tell me “DON’T MAKE MORE GIRLS FALL FOR HIM IT FEELS LIKE THE WHOLE FIC IS TURNING AROUND” and then say “you can do anything you feel fit, I respect your work (:”, right?

This is not respect. This is not “constructive criticism”. This is not an opinion so important and valuable that it warrants being repeated about a million times across A YEAR. Most people? They give out their opinions, negative or positive, ONE TIME, and leave it be, because what matters to them is CONVEYING how they feel, not forcing a writer to constantly explain themselves or write whatever they would be comfortable with. Actually? Most people who have given me negative opinions so far have been like that, except one guy who was outright flaming my story because he wanted to wank to it, and he couldn’t believe he had to read 97 chapters to finally reach the smut. That I’m comparing you to this reader and reviewer is PROBABLY a bad sign, don’t you think?

Sokka didn’t MENTION 28: Sokka acknowledged his past mistakes because he’s a grown man who knows to feel remorse when he hurts people he loves. That he brings up having hurt her, to this day, isn’t in the purpose of going “HEY HEY AZULA REMEMBER WHEN I BROKE YOUR HEART LOL”, it’s in the purpose of saying: “I’ve learned from my mistakes and, as it has been for YEARS, I will devote myself to NEVER hurting you again”. That, anon, is a PERFECTLY VALID SENTIMENT for a wedding vow, and one that requires far more character growth and complexity than “Lol I’m so happy we were both virgins because that is the only kind of pure love that has ever been valid in the universe, anything else doesn’t count”.

Hell, you’ve literally made me go right back to the chapter to look at what he says, exactly: “I messed things up between us over my damn stupidity”, he... is literally beating himself up about this. To this day. He’s not talking about it proudly. And yet you’re here complaining as though he were?

SPOILER: More people will have feelings for Sokka in future chapters. In fact, I want to make it even MORE people than I’d originally planned after receiving all these asks. I’d rather derail my story into something you can’t stomach reading than cater to you. Azula will outright JOKE about being “jealous” in a future chapter, and Sokka will know it’s a joke! :D And I’m NOT lying about this to mess with you, it IS going to happen and your persistent asks absolutely WON’T make me alter my content. And why is it going to happen, you’ll ask? Why, because nice, charming, charismatic guys like Sokka attract people whether they want to or not. It’s what they DO about attracting others what matters to me! :’) And that Sokka rejects other people who attempt to be with him should be, I think, a much more important message about loyalty to someone you love than “I ONLY EVER ATTRACTED ONE PERSON IN MY LIFE AND MARRIED THEM”. Because I know that’s virtually the only thing you appear willing to accept, going by the first ask.

And holy crap, Ty Lee is... flirting around? Flirting around... with Haru. The guy she’s in a committed relationship with, whom she’s going to marry. The whole situation is meant to be insanely ironic considering Ty Lee is with the guy she SHOULD be with but it looks like it’s something else? (Hell, nobody even KNOWS it was Ty Lee, Mei Xun didn’t stick around long enough to discover the woman’s identity, so her reputation’s actually safe?) But you’re just so emotionally compromised by anything regarding Sokka being with anyone else, even if it’s 1. not true because he’s MILES away, with Azula 2. a joke 3. a plot device for a FUTURE EVENT, that you just can’t grasp this irony at all?

Ty Lee, by design in this story, has ALWAYS been pretty damn liberal about flirting and relationships. Despite we’ve mainly just heard such relationships mentioned on the side, rather than witnessing them directly, she is objectively the cast member who’s had the most relationships, whether serious or casual or just occasional, with other people. And even then, she’s getting married. Even when she’s had so many people in her past, she’s settling down with Haru for good. And Haru? Haru is THRILLED. Because he loves her. Because she loves him. Because HER past does NOT have a single thing to do with THEIR future. And yet you seriously read these chapters, where Ty Lee is having a lot of fun with her fiancé, and your brain just translated this as “OMG TY LEE IS A SLUT HARU DESERVES BETTER!”? Seriously?

I feel like I’m getting asks from a childish version of Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy. Everything that isn’t straightforward needs to be explained point by point, apparently, and even then, you don’t get it. I literally went to literature school and was told to write intelligent fiction so readers would feel compelled to unravel its complexities themselves... apparently that was a big fat lie? :’) Your persistence actually has convinced me that it is.

Oh and, for future reference (because I KNOW you’ll come back, that’s all you ever do): not because you throw compliments at me later to “cushion” your complaint does it mean you’re respecting me and my story. You can’t slap someone in the face and then go “Oh your cheeks are so plump that I bet it doesn’t hurt”. You can’t just disregard my request that you keep these sorts of questions to my PERSONAL blog rather than the fic’s blog, and pretend you respect me. You can’t come to me time after time with the same complaints and attitude, watch how I’ve basically gone from initially responding with discomfort (because, in my personal blog, there are MANY asks that predate yours, where I’d already explained my reasoning to someone else who apparently didn’t get it, which means the subject wears me out, A LOT), then seeing that I started ignoring your asks, then seeing I closed the inbox so I could regain some sense of normalcy in my life that you refused to let me reclaim, and then seeing that I’m answering with outright hostility, and pretend that it’s ME who has a problem. 

If someone I respected responded in any similar manner to ANYTHING I said to them, I’d basically feel like shit and never talk to them again because I don’t want to be a burden or a problem for someone whom I value in any way. You, apparently, would rather be a problem, and to no avail, because all you’re achieving so far is convincing me to continue writing things that will make you riot until you stop reading my story. If you CAN’T stop reading regardless of the horrifying, amoral, dreadful decisions I’ve made? Congratulations: you still don’t have the right to tell me what to do with my story. And until you GENUINELY understand that, your compliments don’t mean anything to me. I have readers I value who have conveyed complaints, MANY TIMES, in an actual respectful manner. Readers who are even bothered by the same thing you are. And yet I’m even FRIENDS with them. Imagine that :’) It’s almost like the problem isn’t having whatever opinion you do... but rather, the intent of IMPOSING your opinion constantly and persistently until you’ve driven me to lash out as bluntly and cruelly as I may! To the point I’m outright saying I’m going to rewrite my story into becoming EVERYTHING you don’t want it to be so you leave me alone!

And if you’re not the one who’s been here for a year, and this is not really an echo chamber (despite all of these messages have the same complaints, wording, tone, format, style, punctuation and grammar mistakes), yet you SAW that other people have been doing this for a long time, and thought it was PERFECTLY FINE to join the party? You’re no less of an asshole than the rest of them. No matter if it’s your first time voicing your “opinion”. Because it’s NOT about what you’re saying: it’s about HOW you’re saying it. It’s about trying to guilt trip me into writing whatever you want and claiming the story is going off the rails because something makes you personally uncomfortable. This is NOT objective criticism. This is SUBJECTIVE, ENTIRELY. This isn’t a real problem in storytelling, it’s a personal problem for you because it clashes with your moral values. And NO ONE is forcing you to continue consuming content that goes against your moral values, you’re choosing to do that yourself.

If you’re to live by any of the words you said in these two asks, make it “This is your fic and you can do anything you feel fit”. Because that’s literally what I’m going to do. It’s what I’ve done over EVERY complaint in poor faith I’ve gotten, ranging from “quit writing so much happiness it’s boring” to “where’s the sex you prude”. And it’s what I intend to continue doing. What kind of criticism do I value? “This particular scene features a factually contradictory line with a previous event”, such as Zuko claiming he never went to Sokka’s house when he in fact did, and I plain and simple FORGOT about it. What more kinds of criticism do I value? “You need to work out the Gladiator League’s system better because it’s not a solid business venture”, and this one was right? And yet it was too late to fix it, despite it’s 100% spot-on and I should’ve worked it out way better than I did. Another? “Sokka may have gotten over the fact that Azula captured him and tossed him in a slave market too easily”, because? It’s a perfectly valid sentiment? I disagree because Sokka is canonically shown to get over grudges relatively quickly, and yet I CAN see why it seems too fast for some people. What else do I value? Maybe suggestions on wording problems! I’ve made a lot of stupid wording mistakes, in virtue of being a non-native speaker. I’ve done my best to amend those, but it’s a work in progress even now.

Point and case being: in literature, and thus, in fanfiction? Constructive criticism isn’t “WRITE WHAT I WANT TO READ BECAUSE I WANT TO BE PERFECTLY COMFORTABLE WITH ALL I CONSUME”. Constructive criticism is given by people who KNOW storytelling. So I’d only consider it constructive criticism if it’s given by people who can read those chapters and see that the ENTIRE purpose of that conflict is to trigger growth and development as both Sokka and Azula realize their own mistakes and shortcomings with each other. So, someone who’s giving actual constructive criticism wouldn’t come to my inbox a million times with the same complaint... someone who’s giving constructive criticism would come to my inbox, ONE TIME, and say “Hey, maybe this alternative to conveying Azula is instinctively jealous over her canonical insecurities about being a monster and earning people’s love and loyalties COULD have been preferable, despite I know you can’t change that anymore as it’s fundamental for your story”, or “Hey, I thought of another way for Sokka to convey that he realized their interest in each other could result in something TERRIBLE if they ever acted on their feelings, a way for him to not act on that specific impulse to flirt with Suki to push away Azula, but to act on ANOTHER, believable, IC Sokka-compliant impulse that might still convey exactly what you needed to”. But again, even if it were complaints like THESE? I can’t change anything anymore. It’s TOO LATE. If I think it’s too late to fix Zuko saying “lol I never went to Sokka’s house” when it’s not true? It’s WAY TOO LATE to rewrite chapters that are over SEVEN years old, and I don’t even want to do it to begin with. But I WOULD concede these criticisms. I would accept them. I wouldn’t consider them offensive to me, or my work, or disrespectful in any way.

Constructive criticism is NOT about forcing an author to agree with you, or to do whatever you ask them to. Constructive criticism is about helping an author convey what they were conveying in a better, smoother way. If you CAN’T understand what the author was conveying? You don’t qualify for offering constructive criticism. If you need explanations as to why the author did anything they did? You’re, again, not qualified to offer constructive criticism. Your criticism, in any such cases, is NOT constructive, no matter what you’re telling yourself. This is a VERY important distinction, and one you can’t pretend isn’t valid just by throwing a bunch of compliments at me after telling me I’m ruining my story.

Until the day you DO understand the difference between constructive criticism, and subjective complaints? Your opinions will not be considered valuable enough to affect my story in a positive way. And the more disrespectful you show yourself, by continuing to disregard my DIRECT request for you to stop coming back with these complaints, as well as the direct request to stop sending these questions to this blog? The less your opinions will count for me. I don’t bend over backwards for anyone. And I’m definitely not going to do it for you.

[summersnowy]

A GIRL IN ME - Intro

My mum and dad got divorced when I was at a very young age around 7-8y.o. My mum re married and I was left with my dad who was I'm the military force. He was always deployed in the operation and not at home most of the time. Taking care of me was my aunt who was in her mid 30s.

I remember during my school days I was a wimpy boy who was quiet and timid.

Slender and fair and doesn't have many friends around me most of the time I was hanging around with the girls and most of the boys jeered and make fun of me because of that.. maybe they are jealous of me having good friendship with the girls...

And truly I'm well mannered doesnt talk loudly and using vulgarity or rough words so I was deem to be a sissy confront of the boys

The schooling days was a tough one for me having loneliness at home and not having someone I can trust to talk to...although i have mainly the girls friend but i know I'm not really a part of their conversation they cant share the girls things that they are gg thru...hence I cant never be a trusted friend. That's how I think...I begin wanting to be like them...have long hair that can be tied up wearing skirts, neat and tidy appearances..In fact when I'm around 6-7 y.o i start to think why I'm different from a girl and that's when I discover the difference between a girl and boy.

Questioning myself why am I not a girl why I was born a boy? I started to get curious and wanted to try wear a dress. But I was too young and who I can look forward to is my aunt..she is in her mid 30s and an attractive woman as I can see she have alot of Male friends some I often see them around with her. I would sneak into her closet and see all her clothes and lingerie. Observe her appearance and makeup, the clothes she worn...h&M, forever21, Zara all the clothes she had are so pretty and I wish I can wear them and look as pretty and attractive...So at a tender age of 8-9 I begin to explore women clothes and makeup but I only started to wear my aunt clothes when I'm around 12-13 y.o.. I dont know how I know most of the girly things but I just understand how to make up and wear bra and panties and have my Male part tucked... maybe it's thru the observation and my group of girls friend... my aunt is slim and slender so the clothes she have are mostly XS or S which i can sometime fit some are a little oversized for me but still I think I look pretty in it...😍

This lasted for a few months and which time I became bolder from just the lingerie to dress, blouse , skirt, stocking, makeup etc and my aunt ain't dumb she know someone is touching her things but kept quiet. But for me I'm clumsy and dumb I might have mess up the thing she placed in order...she know I did it every afternoon when I'm back from school and at late night during weekends when she goes out partying or holiday trips..

During this time of dressing up, I felt more and more wanting to become a girl. It a strange feeling, inside of me there seem to be girl trying to come out but the outside of me is trying to moderate the out burst knowing this is a perverted thoughts there are little knowledge of what this is all about....the only thing that I know is its abnormal...I try to read and research about it it's the age of the internet at that time but still there are limited information back then. But I learned from chatting platform talk to sister with similar issue and who are just like me I'm definitely not alone...all this topic on cross dressing, transgender m2f, ladyboy, hormone replacement therapy, Srs (sex reassignment surgery), sexuality etc

Now that I knew I'm not the odd one out I felt better. I know it's a mental disorder but I also knew that I'm an Asian and this is not acceptable in the society I'm in..all this thoughts I have need to be kept secret..its a struggle like fighting against my own self...the only time I can let out the women in me is the private time i have to dress up as a girl looking in to the mirror seeing the beautiful face in the mirror...i know it's a not right to wear my aunt's clothes but I'm still a student financially i can afford. I begin saving up but it too little to get what I wanted...

I mentioned that my aunt knew but kept mum about it. I also try my best not to dirty any of her clothes, panties but I cant help the pre cum that leaks when I see it I will clean and dry it I guess sometime I'm too muddled head...so there was this day which I thought my aunt was at work and will usually return in the late evening...after shower and drying up I step into her room and took out a set of black panties and bra..slip into the bra hooking the back of the strap skillfully as though I wear it daily and tucked my little boy peck into the panties which fits almost like it was mine.. I look into the full length mirror adjust my bra abit and pull my panties tighter so it will hold my manhood in position.. I hate my boy hair style...I took out the wig which I bought after month of saving from my drawer which I hidden it in layer of clothes like a pirate hiding his treasure chest..putting on the mid length wig and look into the mirror again...smiling at myself I look almost like any of the girls in my school. Everytime that happen I will ask myself why am I not born a real girl why is it so unfair why I need to hid and do this like a thief...telling myself I want to be a girl badly God if you hear this please turn me into a princess..of course that was how naive I was back then..I have so short time to enjoy this i need to hurry...opening up the compact powder foundation I begin applying on my face lightly and colouring my lip with a glossy mellow red lipstick...that's all I can afford but enough to brighten up my face a little to look pretty..next I slide open the closet where my aunt latest collection of clothes and took out a floral red skater dress. Slipping up the dress and zipping up the back of the dress before turning to the full length mirror..that imagine of me is what I wanted not to remember but to be let this without capturing it into by memory..At this moment I hear the footstep and clinging sound of keys..before I can react the room door open and my aunt saw me in full dress..my heart almost stopped.....Not surprise by what she saw but a little shock that someone is in her room my aunt look at me and stare for a while..my throat was choke with words feeling a gush of blood rising to my head. Shawn? Is that you?

All I did was nod and look down to the floor. Are you the one who touch my clothes and makeup? I was a little surprise to hear that but remain silent..hey Shawn you better own up else I'm going to ask you father here to see his son turn daughter. You know your father shawn you know what he will do. Aunt please dont please dont tell my dad I am sorry to touch your stuff please dont tell my dad i will do anything but please dont tell my dad about this. Then you have to tell my the truth why are you doing this. My heads was running around searching for an answer.

Should I tell my aunt my true feeling or should I just tell her a lies and promise not to do this ever again....

"Shawn look at me, Do you have anything to say about this? " she said in a calm tone. I suspect and knew you have been touch my things for several months. I didn't sound out because I thought you are only curious and will stop in a while but it obviously didn't. And I realised my birth control pills are missing a whole lot every month and that's the point I thought I need to talk to you. Are you trying to turn into a girl? Do u know what will happen if u take these pill over time? I remain silent and tears wells up in my eyes. Her tone change alittle as I didn't speak up. She Pick up her phone by her tote bag, I am going to call your dad now. Aunt! Please dont and kneel down . I'm really sorry . Dont tell me sorry I want to hear why are you doing all this. Aunt I want to be a girl and I hate being a boy..I dont look like a boy anyway but I feel happy when I'm dress up as a girl. I took the pills because I know it is female hormones and I wanted it so badly. Hearing this my aunt move towards me and held me up and lead me to the side of her bed and sat me down. Ok Shawn but birth control pill are not the right medication for this. Also your dad will probably kill you when he see you like this. But Aunt I couldn't help it I just wanted to feel happy. I am always bullied and isolated in school. My peer call me a fag, ah gua, gay all this nasty words I didn't took it to heart but it still hurt me when I'm feeling lonely and what makes me happy every day is to know that I have a private time be look like what I think I should be like..

At this point my tears was pouring and my makeup smudged my aunt place her arms around my shoulder and give me a hug. Shawn if you wanted to live like this then you have to do it the right way and all the way. You need to think about the things that will happen in the future if you take this path and dont regret it. You know it's better being a guy. Being the stronger sex you have a lots of benefit and privileges. Being female you will be the weaker sex over Male. Shawn I think you are old and mature enough to think for yourself. Aunt will be supportive in whatever decision u make but taking this path your dad will be someone you will be having tough time with. I nodded and remove the female clothes and makeup change into my boy clothes and return to my room. I lied on my bed and have a long thought.......

Scene 1

During that time, I had a online friend whom i known for a while from the picture posted on his social media he looks mature and was probably in his 40s. I have been chatting with him for quite a while exchanging picture of myself dress and he return some picture of him. I was feeling down that day my mind is floating as all this thoughts flooded my mind and I just want to stop thinking about it...after listening to my issues, he ask me to come out to have a chat. I dont really like to meet people who knows that I'm a CD but he was really a nice man from the conversation we had and he told me that he really wish to see me as a girl. I finally agree as he make me feel like I am a girl patience, loving and nice..

To be continued................

[wetalkinboutbooks]

We Hunt the Flame by Hafsah Faizal

Summary: People lived because she killed.

People died because he lived.

Zafira is the Hunter, disguising herself as a man when she braves the cursed forest of the Arz to feed her people. Nasir is the Prince of Death, assassinating those foolish enough to defy his autocratic father, the king. If Zafira was exposed as a girl, all of her achievements would be rejected; if Nasir displayed his compassion, his father would punish him in the most brutal of ways. 

Both are legends in the kingdom of Arawiya—but neither wants to be.

War is brewing, and the Arz sweeps closer with each passing day, engulfing the land in shadow. When Zafira embarks on a quest to uncover a lost artifact that can restore magic to her suffering world and stop the Arz, Nasir is sent by the king on a similar mission: retrieve the artifact and kill the Hunter. But an ancient evil stirs as their journey unfolds—and the prize they seek may pose a threat greater than either can imagine. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings: 

 → Geena: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 → Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: We Hunt the Flame is a rich Arabia inspired fantasy with characters that you easily fall for (like the two of us with Altair lmao). Personally, we wouldn’t classify the romance as an insta-love, it’s more of an insta-annoyance and gradual build up to feelings. The story keeps you on your toes and Hafsah does an amazing job at tying in different plot points together. Also, it’s got that amazing unlikely group of friends trope :’) SO if you haven’t already, check out this book we highly recommend it! 

Spoiler-Full Discussion Below...

The Good: 

→ The Premise and Characters

Kae: So we start off with Zafira hunting in the Arz, a forest that is full of darkness. Once you go into the Arz, there is no coming out. But our girl Zafira is a baddie and she can travel the Arz without much trouble. She can always find her way out. She hunts in the Arz for her village because it is an icy, barren land and it is their main source of food. The thing is, Zafira is a woman so no one can ever find out she is the famed Hunter of the Arz, or she’ll probs get like, banished. But her two best friends, Yasmine and Deen, know her secret and keep it safe. Along with her sister and bedridden mother. Zafira has acquired this wonderful hunting skill from her father, who taught her everything she knew so she could fend for herself and well… Those skills came in hand because he got lost in the Arz one day, kind of went crazy, stumbled out, then tried to kill his family. So Zafira’s mother did what she had to do and killed him to save her daughters. She (Zafira’s mother) has been plagued by nightmares since. 

Geena: Kae outlined the premise of Zafira’s story really well! On the other hand we have Nasir, the crown prince of Arawiya and one of the most feared assassins across the caliphates. He’s also hated by literally everyone in his life… especially his dad. Nasir was raised (See: forced) into becoming the Sultan’s weapon, killing anyone that dared to oppose him. We find out that Nasir’s mom, the Sultana, died ~mysteriously~ when he was young and after that his dad went batshit crazy essentially. Nasir does everything as a means to get his dad’s love and approval (even though he likes to pretend that he’s just doing shit just because ‘i have no life so might as well kill’). Nasir ends up falling for some servant girl, who’s tongue the Sultan serves to him in a golden box. After that he is very angsty like, “I can’t love anyone :( ” Or so he thinks. 

Kae: Then we have our secondary characters. Like, the ‘friends we made a long the way’ characters who all def were trying to kill one another but it’s cool now ‘cause they love each other :) 

Geena: The magical artifact was the magic of friendship :’)

Kae: LMAO YES. So we have Kifah, she is from Pelusia and she is a badass legendary warrior who is fast as lightniiiing, WILL ABSOLUTELY kick your ass with a staff (she won’t hesitate, BITCH) and she’s also really pretty and tall and she brings her own snacks and seasoning. I can relate because I too, bring seasoning and snacks when I know they will be needed. Kifah is funny, sarcastic, and one of the few people that has a witty retort to Altair and his tomfoolery. She also has a thing for Altair. 

Altair, we love him! He’s a big buff boi with pretty eyes and a dazzling smile. He also makes a lot of dick jokes and is an absolute CHILD. But we love him for it and so does Kifah. They have the hots for each other.  My boi doesn’t have good aim and he killed his homie on accident but we’ll get to that later. He is the #1 general in Ghameq’s (Nasir’s father) army and is ordered to tag along with Nasir on this unintentional road to friendship. He is the sunshine in Nasir’s life and Nasir HATES IT BECAUSE HE’S AN EMO BOI. 

Geena: ALTAIR IS THE SUN TO NASIR’S MOON HONESTLY. ALSOO, we got our two best boys that unfortunately didn’t make it to the end :/ Deen, aka the boy that loved Zafira enough to go on an impossible quest with her and then die for her too. He’s Yasmine’s older brother and an absolute sweetheart who wears his emotions on his sleeve when around Zafira. In a way, he was Zafira’s first boyfriend who she didn’t love romantically. Deen proposes to her and she’s like *radio silence*. I DIED AT THAT KAE…. SHE WAS LIKE “NO COMMENT” 

Kae: RADIO SILENCE LMAOO SHE WAS. She pulled a, “okay but like the arz tho…”

Geena: But yea! Deen literally dies in the first few chapters because of Altair’s shit aim…. No one ever hand him another bow and arrow again plz. So like I’m thinking Hafsah made him super sweet the first few chapters just so we would be devastated when he died like 5 chapters later or something.

We also have our wise old Safin (essentially an immortal Elf but like cooler) Benyamin, who is centuries old and a book nerd (relatable). He and Kifah join Nasir, Altair, and Zafira later on in their quest, and he seems to know a lot more than he lets one. We learn that Benyamin is the living embodiment of that one meme “Baby jordans, never worn - for sale” bc of his baby that didn’t make it :/. He wants the whole crew to be like a little family so bad that he enforces the word “zumra” aka gang on them and overall he was sly but sweet nonetheless and he too…. Kicked the can… all for the zumra :’(  

→ The Ride or Die Relationships

Geena: One thing that Hafsah Faizal writes really well is the friendships between Zafira and the small crew that knows that she’s actually the Hunter that’s been keeping them fed for years. Zafira’s absolute best friend, Yasmine, supports Zafira in all her decisions EXCEPT for the decisions where Zafira parades as a man. Deen I suppose is the same as Yasmine, except he’s less snarky. It’s canon that Zafira would lay down her life for Yasmine, and not to sound like a weirdo but Zafira was wildly jealous when Yasmine got married to Misk... like “ugh now I have to share my bestie with a man??” only explanation is that Zafira is bi confirmed. Also, where we had Zafira ready to die for Yasmine, we also have Deen ready to die for Zafira (and he does...😭). IDK how Deen was hot, smart, sweet, and everything in between and he still died. Hafsah gave us the perfect man and was like “yeea FUCK that, the only love interest will be leech-scars sad boy.” ANYWAYS, The Zafira-Yasmine-Deen triangle is a whole “I would die for you” thing, whereas Yasmine is more of a “I would kill for you” and I think that’s beautiful :’) 

Kae: Alrighty, so we also have the relationship between Altair and Nasir. They aren’t as close as Zafira, Deen, and Yasmine. At all. But they kind of have this “if it were not for the laws of this land, I would kill you” thing between them and it’s hilarious. Nasir is constantly like, “I can and will kill you, you bastard brute of a man” and Altair is like “do it bitch, I dare you” and Nasir tears up and stomps away like a brat. But as this journey continues, Nasir gets a newfound respect for Altair because he soon learns Altair isn’t a dumb brute at all and is actually pretty bright. Did we mention they’re brothers? Yeah, that’s a thing. But Nasir doesn’t learn this until the end of the story. Did Altair know the whole time? Yes. Did he swear to their mother to protect him? That as heavily implied so also yes. SO now Nasir is like, “oh noooo, I wanted to kill my brother and was also ORDERED BY MY BITCHASS DADDY TO KILL HIM” then boom goes the dynamite and Nasir finds that he can be a good boi. ANYWAYS WE LOVE ALTAIR IN THIS HOUSE. 

Geena: OKAY SINCE KAE MENTIONED IT, AND THE WHOLE ALTAIR-NASIR THING. See since I have poor reading comprehension, I didn’t realize that Altair had promised to protect Nasir. SO THIS BRINGS ABOUT THE QUESTION of the servant girl, Kulsum, that Nasir realizes is working for Altair. The same girl that appeared around the time Nasir’s mom “died”, so does that mean Altair had sent her to help console his brother 👀 Does Altair feel partly responsible for the Sultan tearing out Kulsum’s tongue?? If so… both Altair and Nasir need mad therapy 

The Bad:   

→ The Sea Monster

Kae: So, this isn’t inherently bad and we honestly have nothing bad to say about the book, let’s get that straight. But we wanted to mention it because it was eh. So we have a sea monster scene when Altair and Nasir are on their way to the island. It’s from an old folktale they’d heard growing up, that sea monsters lurked in the sea. They end up running into a sea monster and it is blind and attacking their ship. It is following them by sound so they eventually realize they need to shut the hell up. But then there is our wonderful golden buff boy, Altair. He starts singing, taunting the sea monster and Nasir is like “BOY IF U DONT-” but then his singing kills it. Apparently, the monster hates music and song? So there’s that. It as a very quick scene and I kind of wish I was longer and more dangerous. I wanted some bloodshed! Maybe a sunken ship! But it was still okay. 

Geena: Kae said everything that had to be said about that scene. And I agree, it was cool to have a monster from the author’s folklore, but at the same time, it didn’t really add much to the story other than the fact that Altair knows how to sing (whether he can sing well is a different story).

The Ugly...Crying:

→ The Lion and The Sultan

Geena: This is going to be very cliche but the ugliest thing in this book was the Sultan, our main villain, who is later revealed to be controlled by the Lion aka some ancient ifrit-safin hybrid dude that was the cause of all of Arawiya’s problems. First off, we find out near the end that the Sultan is possessed by the Lion because Nasir’s mom had a big swig of dumbass juice and gave the Sultan a pendant from the place where the Lion was imprisoned. So, following his mother’s “Death” Nasir watches the Sultan’s descent into a sort of madness and suffers under his dad’s abuse. The Lion is also Nasir’s Mom’s Ex so you can imagine what kind of shitshow that was. The Lion is also coincidentally Altair’s dad, and I’m guessing the Lion was like “fuck them kids” because he wanted Nasir to murder Altair... his only son :/ ANYWAYS, the Lion is a terrible dad 0/10 should ever have kids. 

ALSOOO THIS BITCH WAS OUT HERE CONTROLLING ZAFIRA HALF HER LIFE??? And was instrumental in her dad’s death, since he’s the embodiment of dark magic -- which makes up the Arz (evil forest) -- we learn that the Lion coaxed Zafia’s dad into entering the forest and essentially turning him mad, which lead to her mom killing him. AND IN A WAY, he can control Zafira?? Or at least get into her head.

Kae: Geena said everything perfectly. The Lion is a skank bitch and we HATE HIM. But if we hate him, that means he was written really well so HELL YEAH HAFSAH. Now to the Sultan.  The Sultan, like Geena said, is possessed by the Lion. And upon learning that in the book, I kind of felt bad for him and Nasir. Nasir remembers when his father was kind and loved him. He has watched the decline of the Sultan and this drastic change from kind to 100% evil as fuuuck. The Sultan has no control over this and Nasir just wants to please his father to get that love back from him. He sees small flashes of the man the Sultan used to be, but they are very quick and sometimes he almost misses it. The real Sultan is stomped out by the Lion whenever he peeks through. 

Geena: Like can the sultan see the shit that the lion is doing? BRO THAT WOULD BE TORTURE! Oh my god, when they finally break the spell on him there are going to be so many tears between Nasir and his dad.  

Kae: YOO WHAT IF IT’S LIKE HE CAN SEE EVERYTHING OUT OF HIS OWN EYES BUT CAN’T CONTROL IT? DUDE NOW IM EXTRAAA SAD. 

Geena: What’s sadder than all that? THE FACT THAT OUR FAVOURITE HIMBO, ALTAIR, GOT LEFT BEHIND. At the height of the action as Nasir and the surviving zumra are escaping we find out that Altair never makes it to their escape ship…. Even though it was Altair’s powers that helped them escape. And then we find out that he’s stuck in the Lion’s lair…. Thinking that no one cared to look for him… scuse me while I weep…. Hafsah didn’t have to do him like that 😭 

Kae: OKAY MOOD. YOU SAID IT PERFECTLY. And like, she wrote that part so well. Because you know how sometimes the reader knows something the characters don’t? Like, NONE OF US, THE READER OR THE CHARACTERS realized Altair was left behind until Hafsah mentioned it. It was heart-shattering. And everyone is instantly like “shit shit shit shit we fucked UP. We have to go back.” But they can’t go back. So everyone in this feels horrible. Altair feels horrible because he thinks his friends (and beautiful warrior crush) have left him behind. Nasir feels horrible because he left his brother. And the rest of the zumra because they left their friend. Also, the reader, because we see how all this shit went down. It’s just a whole roller coaster of emotions and ALTAIR IS LOVELY AND WE WANT HIM BACK. But this also leaves potential for him to switch sides and join his evil father. It’s totally a possibility and we do NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO OUR FAVE. OUR HABIBI (because he calls Nasir that and Nasir, the brooding death prince hates that) HAS TO COME BACK SAFE AND UNHARMED... fin

Conclusion 

Geena: That concludes our review, we didn’t really touch on the romance and so on but it’s how you say… a slow burn? Also, we had so many thoughts about the characters because they’re all soo interesting and have their own stories that we LOVED. Hafsah did a great job at world-building and introducing her individual characters gradually, she didn’t just slap us with like six characters at once and call it a day. AND HER PLOT TWISTS??? POETIC CINEMA… As a self-proclaimed dunce, I did not see half of them coming, every single thing I thought would happen didn’t happen. For example, I thought that Benyamin was Altair’s dad at some point. Overall, this is a great Arabia inspired fantasy with engaging characters and a fast-paced plot that keeps you guessing what’ll happen next. I give it 9/10 (-1 for Altair’s suffering). 

Kae: Ngl I totally forgot about the romance. “It means nothing” GAH THE FOOL. BUT YES. I can’t believe we forgot the romance and their collar bone touching. Also the inevitable ‘omg I just caught you coming out of the bath and now I see your scars oooo’ and honestly tho mood because I wouldn’t avert my eyes either. ANYWAY, the world-building is beautifully written as were the characters. Geena is right. Everyone has their own stories and the time was taken out to tell each one. None of the characters were dumbed down and neither were their backstories. They all had their own personalities and interests and quirks. The fantasy, the magic, and the history was rich.  There was never a boring moment. I give it a 10/10 because I was super entertained and the slowburn was to die for. BUUUT. I’m still SICK that Deen was killed off five minutes into the adventure because I would’ve loved to see him giving Nasir the ~death glare~ whenever he looked at Zafira ASJDADKLJK. 

Geena: IM CRYING, YES I AGREE 100% Wish we had gotten that good ol’ Deen-Nasir beef.  

Kae: omg it would’ve been such a good beef because I feel like they would absolutely become friends at some point and HATE that they respect each other. WELP. THAT BE ALL, FOLKS. READ THIS BOOK CAUSE IT’S GOOD. 

[tessacxstello]

hello im (F, 24) an idiot and forgot to post tessa’s (F, 22, fictional) intro!

pls bare in mind most of this was written 5+ years ago n i haven’t written tessa since 2015...... but lets get this show (LOCKWOODRP) on the road (DASHBOARD). 

tw school shooting, tw bipolar disorder

art hoe. always covered in paint. why?? she bad at painting

the mark rothko jackson pollock kind of bad tho wher people are like.... omg.... revolutionary..... its a badly drawn vagina

fuckin loves astrology, but cant take it that seriously bcos one of her bfs was a gemini so there’s some lenience there. but she WILL blame her hormones and mood swings on the positon of mars

embodies pure sunshine. 

one of those really annoying people that can go through the most traumatic shit and still find a positive spin. 

cares so much for others but does not really care for herself n it’s meant she just bottles up all this shit n when someone asks her how her day has gone she just falls on the ground like tht bit in midsommar when florence does that loud wheezy noise and sits down 

has never really had much money at all. learns to make-do with what she has. loves upcycling!! her bookshelf is made from cardboard which she’s reinforced by pappering it over with pages ripped out of thrifted books. her sofa is an old car boot which she’s repainted, put on wheels and stuffed w cushions so that it’s actually bearable to sit on.

her knitted cardigan? its made out of wife material.

knits all the time. will crochet you a christmas scarf. if ur lucky you might get a knitted jumper with a penis in a santa hat

still sleeps with cuddly toys n then wonders why ppl dont think she’s mature enough for a serious relationship

very passionate about Sister Doing It For THemselves!! raised by a single mom who worked her ass off so that tessa could do fun activities after school, have lelli kelly shoes, and go to college (not necessarily in tht order of importance)

tessa was born out of wedlock as the result of an affair between her mom (a journalism intern in her early 20s) and a new york times editor. 

the editor offered to pay tessa’s mom off to have an abortion, but she was like fuck u and told the papers he’d done that and used the money to cover the cost of her internship which they refused to pay her for

and because of the scandal, he ended up going through a pretty messy divorce with his wife, and losing custody of his kids. so as a child  tessa was seen as the cause of a divorce and received mutliple letters from the editors wife (to tessa personally!) and his kids saying how she had ruined everything, but her mom moved them to another town so tessa didn’t have to deal with that crap. 

her mom worked 3 jobs to put her through school, so in return tessa pushes herself incredibly hard to succeed. needs a break and a hug and to get laid to be honest. 

an old soul. likes old films, old music, old people. only recently got an iphone 5s so not really with this century yet

very sweet and soft and kind but also a fucking mess and won’t listen to anyone else’s opinion. she’ll take comfort, but not advice. 

feminist buddhist bisexual vegetarian for human rights and animal welfare. standing on a soapbox shouting about the climate in the quad, shoving flyers into your hands. flyers everwhere. she turns up at your grandmas funeral and shoves one into her mouth. she’s stolen the mic from the vicar to talk about pandas.

says “mother of pearl” and “heavens to betsy”.

had an affair with her married piano teacher and he’s now facing a custody battle and his wife is leaving him and tessa has completely internalised that guilt despite her being the victim in the scenario

aesthetics: paint splattered jeans, loose curls spilling from a scrunchie, thrifted blouses in bright yellow, guzzling coffee in the library at three am when a term paper’s due, shoddily illustrated campaign posters to save endangered species, polaroids plastered to your bedroom walls with scribbled dates on the frames, jumping into a stack of autumn leaves, jumping off piers in the summer months and stripping off your wet clothes on the beach, digging your thumbs into peaches to leave a bruise, smoking with the extractor fan on to hide the smell, bath bombs, letting the girls at lush rub samples all over your skin, cacti with knitted bobble hats, decorative pillows and sun and moon blanket throws, basic bitch fairy lights hanging from every single window, painting the name of the boys you’ve loved inside your wardrobe door.

studies fine art and philosophy, and wants to become either a lecturer or the first woman president. vibe wise, very similar to leslie knope, missy from big mouth, and basically the naive everygirl with a high opinion of themselves trope

gets drunk off like one double vodka lemonade because she’s small and she’s a pretty messy wild drunk. it’s when slutty tessa comes out, and the next day she’ll thoroughly regret every choice made and decide she’s never drinking again and cutting out all men and starting daily sudoko

on the cheerleading team and is a flyer, which she sees as a HUGE responsibility and she works really hard to make sure she’s on it for her team. one of those get up at 7am and go to the gym before school types its sickening

she had a really traumatic time at high school because there was a shooting in her school. she was in the next classroom when it happened, and she lost one of her friends in the shooting. she had to take two months off school, was diagnosed with depression and put on anti-depressants because of it. in her 2nd year of uni she was rediagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety, which she’s now on medication for. she can be really good for several months at a time and feel super creative and determined (she actually finds manic periods helpful for her creativity n art, n sadly sometimes doesn’t take her meds in these periods to push herself more which is obvs super bad.....). but when the bad periods come they can also last months n she had to take a semester out of school last year because of her mood, so she should be a senior by now but she’s retaking junior year

she attends weekly stress-management sessions prescribed by her doctor which she finds pointless.

very childish in the sense that she can only see her own point of view and kind of views herself as the “protagonist” and thinks her ideas are super important and life changing and she IS Destined for Greatness! despite being pretty much average af

pinterest board.

STATS

age: 22

height: 5'2"

positive traits: kind-hearted, gregarious, selfless, philosophical, open minded, idealistic, courageous, feisty, charismatic, loyal, adventurous.

negative traits: stubborn, hot-headed, reticent, escapist, self-destructive, easily led, naive, troubled, complicated, stepford smiler, envious, overdramatic, explosive.

distinguishing Marks: heart-shaped birthmark on the right of her chest, splattering of freckles across the cheeks during summer months, full lips, large eyes, porcelain features, long wavy hair, tattoo of a bird and a cage on her ankles and a basic bitch arrow tat on her wrist (srry to anyone with an arrow tat).

skills: jack-of-all-trades, talented pianist, perceptive, knows the correct way to throw a punch, good survival instinct, is able to remain calm in stressful situations, endures, artistic, excels in academic studies, hard-working and self-motivated, expert liar and talented actress.

likes: wolves, vintage thrift store fashion, old leather-bound books, left-wing democratic politics, cigarettes, poetry, John Hughes movies, cold coffee, hot tea, the sound of laughter, staying up til 4am having deep conversations, Tchaikovsky, having deep conversations about life, stationary, DC Comics, horoscopes, winged eyeliner, cats, knee-high socks, house music, abandoned buildings, studio ghibli, the smell of the earth after rain, Wes Anderson films, herbal tea, old people, solitude, esoteric things, the smell of freshly baked bread, Charles Bukowski, the moon.

fears: death, oblivion, global warming, losing those she loves, isolation, clowns, guns, enclosed spaces.

nicknames: Tess, T-Dog, Tessie, Socrates, Princess, Sunshine Girl, Florence Nightingale.

alignment: Neutral Good

MBTI type: INFP

BIOGRAPHY

tw school shooting

Her story begins with Cordelia Costello, a twenty-three year old college drop-out, turned beautician, turned columnist, turned intern at a local publishing company. She was a youthful, beautiful, siren of a women, always surrounded by an aura of enigma and an entourage of men. It was no surprise to the gossips in the office that within six months working at the company, Cordelia had added to her list another title – mistress to Franklin Hozier, the Editor of the New York Times. After two blissful months and three hundred and twenty seven orgasms, Cordelia decided she wanted a baby. Franklin laughed in her face. Feeling isolated and used, Cordelia continued her affair with her boss’ boss for another month, before deciding to take matters into her own hands.

It started with a turkey baster.

Soon the infant cries of a baby girl graced the world, her wrinkled skin puckered and pink as her mother held her in her arms, glancing upon the most beautiful thing in her life. Once Tessa, named after Cordelia’s favourite literary heroine, entered the world, Franklin left her life and things took a turn for the better. Despite living in a rented one-bedroom apartment in Staten Island, on what little money Cordelia had saved, Tessa’s childhood years were filled with nothing but the happiest of memories. Times were tough, but what they lacked in money, the Costello’s made up in love. While Tessa was at school, Cordelia did odd jobs cleaning, child-minding, working in local nurseries, in order to save up enough money to give her daughter the best start in life.

Despite what she had been led to believe by television shows and teen movies, the first few years of High School were some of the best years of her life. Tessa threw herself into a multitude of activities that High School offered her, including the drama club, the orchestra, choir, badminton and the school newspaper. While she certainly wasn’t considered ‘popular’ at school, Tess had a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. In fact, High School was a place where she made some of the greatest memories of her life, but come her final year, it was also a place where she was haunted by some of her worst.

On the January 17th of Tessa’s senior year of high school, a shooting took place in Westville High School. For two hours Tessa locked herself in a supply cupboard, her head between her knees as she tried to stay silent despite the screams of horror from the corridor. Eighteen students were caught in the crossfire, two of which were Tessa’s best friends. Bouquets of flowers, laminated photographs, Teddy Bears in cling-film bags attached to balloons littered the streets as families and friends came to pay tribute to the eighteen students withered before they had a chance to bloom.

It took two months of therapy before Tessa could return to school. Some of the survivors could never return due to the horrors that their eyes had laid witness to. Sometimes Tessa felt like a part of her had died with the friends that were stolen from her too soon, but one thought kept her going through: she had survived, she was alive and breathing, and she could not afford to loose a second of the precious time she had been granted on this earth. Despite the nightmares that continued to haunt her each night, Tessa found in the aftermath of the disaster a new sense of motivation. She began applying for scholarships for colleges without her mother’s knowledge, in the hope that her academic success would be enough to carry her through further education. Thankfully, it was, and after three torturous months of waiting Tess was offered an arts scholarship to her dream school, Lockwood University, where she hoped she could finally start to rebuild her life.

THE PRESENT:

Life at university was like a separate world. Students came and went like moths among the whisperings and the tequila and the stars. In this new world, Tessa was exposed for the first time in her life to alcohol, drugs, and the sexual appetites of other students her age – though she politely declined all three. Instead, Tessa threw herself into the vast array of activities in the hope that by distracting herself she could escape the terrible flashbacks that continued to haunt her. Tessa joined the lacrosse team, despite never having played before, and took up cheerleading discovering a new talent; she joined the musical theatre group, and the film club, and even set up her own acapella singing society. But despite how much she tried to throw herself into student life, her past hung around her like a bad smell, and with the added pressure of the Sinking Ships zine, Tess began to feel the weight of her secret tying her down like a pair of shackles around her wrists.

PERSONALITY:

If someone was to describe Tessa in a single word, it would most likely be ‘bubbly’, ‘open-minded’ or ‘sweet’. But they would be wrong – Tessa is not bubbly, or sweet, or stubborn, or hotheaded, or fiesty, or infectious, or any of the things the world see her as, but merely a numb and lonely echo of the gregarious, halcyon girl she once was. Tessa Costello was one of life’s enigmas. No one knew who she was, for to each person she met she wore a different mask – she dripped confidence, or was painfully shy; she was an exhibitionist, or a brooding wallflower; she took things too seriously, or not seriously at all. She was an actress and the world was her stage, each person she met a different member of the audience in the performance of her life. In truth, Tessa no longer even recognised herself. Insecure, and self-destructive, she tried to hang on to the extroverted, mischievous pieces of herself that everyone had once loved, but day by day it got harder to know what lay in the vacant holes blown through her mind. While she was stubborn and hot-headed, Tessa always saw the best in people, which meant that she was easily led astray. While she had grown up learning to be street smart and astute, she was idealistic and allowed silly fantasies to cloud her mind. By nature, she was passionate, which lead her to misimagine and romanticise those she met. Despite the hell she had witnessed, and the anxiety that feasted upon her, she believed that people were innately good and that to have courage and be kind could cure anyone of their sadness – yet she was unable to cure herself.

TWITTER:

@500daysoftessa: i blame disney films and musicals for my high expectations of men

@500daysoftessa: i am in love with the boy who works at starbucks. today i asked for a double latte and he gave me a tripple, which i think is proof that my love is requited. our children will be smart and talented and beautiful.

@500daysoftessa: little known historical fact: pharaohs were burried with their hands crossed over their chests because it was a popular belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

[prceteritus-a]

@hopegained asked:  ship: THEM bc i am Curious and i wanna bother u

Ship Meme || Not accepting!!

Under read more due to size!

- How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals? Most times they end up falling asleep with each other and waking up with Rayquelle in Eron’s hold due to the nightmares she has she seeks the comfort and warmth! DAILY RITUALS UH YEAH they try to go out at least once a day and have a ‘date’ and stargaze. It’s a way for them to relax, be in each others presence but not have to worry about others.

- How’s their team work? Do they share well? Ray is a very independent woman but since joining the resistance she has had to partake inmore team activities. Eron understands her Hesitance and works with it or around it so they can get their task done without making her uncomfortable. 

- Are they open about their relationship? How do they feel about public displays of affection? Ok so this is a big thing. In the beginning stages of their relationship no one knows hell not even they really do. Eron needs alot of trust because of the walls around him and the second layer around his heart and Ray respects that. He tore hers down before she go into his so thats something she has to accept. They don’t really come out about their relationship I think ever it just kind of becomes natural and people start to see the looks in their eyes when they look at each other. Public display of affection follows the same rules and I actually think Eron is the first to break that (I answered an ask like this) Where he would have to make the conscious decision to partake in PDA.

- First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight? NO IT WAS NOT! So when they first met they payed no mind to each other however, they don’t really count it because it wasn’t anything big it was her introduction to the resistance when she was found. The real start for them was when he found her stargazing in a spot he thought no one knew about. Eron was probably unfazed at her but Ray was curious. He looked scary, not gonna lie maybe mean? But biggest of all. he looked almost... like he’d seen so much and it hurt him and she wanted to alleviate that because she too had that for herself.

- Nicknames? Pet names? Any in-jokes? Ray for Eron: Love,Babe, Baby, Eldin, Honey, Dear, and her favorite My Stars Eron for Ray: Love, Babe, Baby,  (I’m sure more but YOU WONT GIVE ME MORE ALKDJ:LK)

- Any tasks that are always left to one person? Cooking is Ray’s thing she will fight for that!

- What annoys them the most about their partner? Would they change it if they could? N O T H I N G! Both Ray and Eron treasure the other faults and all the only changes they want are to themselves. ( Ray also hates sometimes how he’s so tall she has to ask him to bend down for kisses sometimes)

- What do the like best about their partner? WOW uhm Ray loves everything but his heart is the best. He has been through so much seen so much yet still trusts her like he does and loves her like he does and that warms her to the core of her being. She wouldn’t trade it for the world.Now for Eron I don’t know if it’s what he likes best but i feel like it’s along the lines of a similar thing. She’s been a child of abuse and was flat out kidnapped yet still gives him so much even on her worst days. She always shows him hes loved and cared for and makes it known she treasures him above all else.

- Do they discuss big issues? Religion? Marriage? Children? Death? Yes they do. They’ve discussed marriage and children especially. They both would like them and also don’t want them.

- Who drives? Cooks? Does the handiwork? Cleans? Pays the bills? Handles the public? Drives; either Cooks; Ray Handiwork; either but usually Eron Clean; Both Pays the bills; Both handles the public; either

- Do they celebrate holidays? Anniversaries? RAY IS A FIRM BELIEVER IN HOLIDAYS YOU BET YOUR ASS ERON GETS SPOILED ON BIRTHDAYS WITH BOTH SEX AND FOOD AND PRESENS AND ON THEIR ANNIVERSARY OMG SHE GOES MAD WITH IT. She believes everyday you should celebrate your partner on days like those shes got the right to be everywhere with it

- Is there a wedding? What was the proposal like? Any kind of honeymoon? S o weddings. Ray wants to marry Eron thats a fact. Will the get married? Thats a hard question because i feel like in the canon verse they never feel really a NEED too. They dont need a ring to tell them that they love each other. But in any AU with them as a ship or in a verse where they do get married. They don’’t want anything big only those important to them  their marriage is for them not their friends and family. Its about them giving themselves to each other. The proposal would be cute and heartfelt and could be as simple as Eron kissing her neck and just “I want to marry you...” or her after a night of him grounding her form a nightmare she just “I want you and me forever... let’s get married Eron”  The honeymoon? They dont need fancy yet again just each other. Take it as an excuse to give it all into each other with no interruptions

- What do they do for fun? Do they have a favorite activity or do they like to switch things up? THey both stargaze, Love shooting blaster, she loves just domestic cuddling , and they always when able eat together

- Anything they both dread? Becoming those they hate and losing those they love honestly those are the biggest. Ray’s TRUEST fear is Embrent will return and kill eron and force her back under his thumb

- How adventurous are they? Eron more so than Rayquelle haha I could see him guiding her around her hand in his as they explore things though

- Do they keep secrets? Lie? Cheat? Rayquelles poker face is absolute shit. 

- What would make them break up? Would it be permanent? UHM HONESTLY THE FEARS BECOMING TOO MUCH AND EVEN THEN THEY’RE BOTH LOYAL AF SO IDK IFIT WOULD RESULT IN A BREAK UP

- What are their dates like? How long do/did they date? Do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other? The dates they have are usually very mellow and no stress consisting of mainly stargazing or holovids and cuddling.

- What do they fight about? What are their arguments like? How do they make up? Arguments are almost none existent minor little battles of wit do happen but for the most part full arguments don’t! BUT on the occasion they do they get alittle emotional. Make up consists of lots of just quality time. maybe some sex who knows.

- What does their home look like? Their room? Their home thanks to Ray is clean and tidy with a set spot for everything! The same applies for their room.Their things are in no set sides of room for the most part its where ever it works

- Do they share any interests or hobbies? GUNS, KNIVES, STARGAZING, BEING PARENTS TO JAEDEN AND EVELLYN HAHA

- Does their work ever interfere with the relationship? Not in a serious method. It does spark some fear in both parties and there are nights where they get genuinely upset the other isn't there and have a horrible time sleeping. Unable to get a lick.

- How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort? listen they just soft bbs

- Any doubts about the relationship? Both have doubts because of their history but never about each other. The doubts stem of “They will leave me like everyone else” in Eron’s head and Ray is scared she will lose him like she lost her parents. The minute comfort finds her Embrent returns and kills Eron in front of her. But in Eron himself? She knows he loves her undoubtedly and that he will always. Now she can only hope he knows she feels the same. 

- How much time do they spend together? Do they share their feelings, or hold things in?

- How do their friends feel about their relationship? Their families? Leia and Luke I imagine love that they’re so good for each other. Family on Ray’s front wel uhm.... like i said leia approves haha. Everyone in the base loves it because it softened Eron and brought Ray out more and shes more sociable.

- Do they have kids? Grow old together? Split up? Well N love we both are kill happy for them in TROS SOOOOOO but i do want to write them being parents be it au or whatever UPDATE THEY HAVE A SON AND A DAUGHTER JAEDEN AND EVELLYN

- What are their vacations like? Together literally thats the thing. A vacation for them could be their bedroom. As long as they’re together

- How do the handle disasters or emergencies? Minor injuries? Sickness? RAY INSTANT PANIC ON EMERGENCIES! They are both nurses when the other is sick haha

- Could they manage a long distance relationship? IT WOULD WRECK THEM they probs could but like alot of them is physical interaction and with her nightmares it would wreck eron watching that with nothing he could do to help. Ray loves to hug and cuddle him to tell him she LOVES him and not doing that and watching him have a rough patch? nope wrecked

- Do they finish each other’s sentences? Pick up any phrases or habits from each other? Know when the other is hiding something? They know when the other is hiding something eron especially but ray has gotten good at noticing for him. Another thing is with finishing sentences. Eron could probably but he doesnt engage in it much but shell do it whenever she can!

- Do they ever get into trouble? Is it serious, or are they just mischievous? They dont get into trouble really

- What kind of presents do they get each other? Do they only do it on special occasions? Ray gives presents when she feel like it tbh. They range from hobby based to food and anything in between. If she thinks of eron when she sees it its gift material.

- Do they have any pets? Eron best get his woman her own BB unit

- Do they bring out the best in each other, or the worst? Do they have a fatal flaw? he brings out in ray allowing her to open up and she the best in him because they are actually

- What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness? The weakness is how much they self doubt themselves. they rely so heavily on each other that it may be SEVERELY detrimental if one dies

- How much would they be willing to sacrifice for the other? Any lines they refuse to cross? they would kill and die for another

- What are they like in the bedroom? Any kinks/fetishes/turn-ons? Anything they won’t do? They both have a think for oral so there’s a fair bit of it haha. Ray has an immense thing for praise in the bedroom so often when they have sex its very personal and intimate full of declarations of love and eron calling her a good girl ;) they can get kinky but like thats a whole other think im sure

- Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first?  When did they realize they were in love? Uhm ray accidently confessed so she started it, Eron probably kissed her first one of the they just stared at lips until someone took that plunge

- Any special memories? Do they have a special place they like to go to? Ray wants to take him to what she was told was her home so she can find out more about her childhood. Other than that none that i can think of in terms of places. OH! Their stargazing spot!!! Special memories though their first time kissing, with each other intimately, ALSO A memory eron will never forget is walking in on his lady cooing to their daughter promissing her so much in life.

- Are they party-goers? What are they like when they’re drunk? Does it happen often? They aren’t big party goers but they still enjoy a good drink with friends. Ray is HYPERSEXUAL when drunk and kind of a hyperactive person

- Do they let each other get away with things that would normally bother them? HAHAHAHnope they will not hesitate to call shit out

- Do they talk often? yes!

- Are the comfortable with each other? Anything they have to have their privacy for? They trust each other with their life and most things are open but there may be nights where they need the privacy on emotions and just need to be in their mind for a bit. the other always respects it.

- Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets? heartbreaks and regrets are still up in the air with them they still have time to grow but dreams? well ray wants to have a family. which they later get.

[hotshotshitshow]

i guess just because ive been on a roll lately and also oversharing is my lifelong passion i want to verbal diarrhea a lil bit about my own experience of coming to the conclusion that im a lesbian so pls feel free to ignore if u want or whatever i just have Lots Of Thoughts and i just want to get them out. this gets sort of weirdly long winded and shouty and ranty so im sorry. catharsis!

even now i still feel some level of .... idk? shame? regret? i dunno. about the fact that i didnt come to the conclusion that i was a lesbian until i was 25 bc that feels so late to me even though i know for a fact that there are countless other people who came to similar realizations about themselves when they were much older than me.

and ngl there is even a little bit of envy that there are so many kids so much younger than me who seem so sure of their identities (even though i know there are loads of kids who arent sure!!!) and there are moments where i catch myself thinking of myself as “less of a lesbian” because i didnt allow myself to face the fact that i was one until fairly recently ..... and i am still learning so much and trying to cultivate my own identity and just all around see myself as “less experienced” (whatever the fuck thats supposed to mean) than others which undoubtedly is a part of the massive chasm that all my self confidence gets sucked into daily.

but like obviously its not like just BOOM one day i was like “from here on out i am a lesbian now!!!!!!! :)” bc even from a very young age i was always more drawn to women and could not wrap my head around the idea that someday i would have to marry a man and completely idealized my mom’s best friend who was a big burly woman who drove a truck and wore flannels and knew that i wanted to be just like her when i grew up and never ever marry a dude (which in retrospect was sort of weird because my mom usually hates women like that and i grew up with her periodically warning me to “stay away from fucking dykes theyre mean awful ugly women”)

and then the always confusing for everyone period of middle school where i dated a boy for three days before breaking it off because the whole situation gave me more anxiety than i could deal with but i just chalked it up to me being an emotionally immature teen but also being completely obsessed with my best girl friend and wanting to impress her and have her attention all the time and being unable to understand why i was so upset when she started dating some  guy and me just assuming that i was upset because i had a crush on him that id never realized i had before

and then id go home and spend hours online looking up content for my favorite shoujo-ai anime ships and talking with other wlw on the gaiaonline guild forums and asking them questions about how you knew if you were gay or not and if liking almost exclusively girl/girl ships meant you were gay and only being told in response “plenty of heterosexual girls like girl/girl ships!! youre the only one who can tell if youre gay or not!! :)” and just feeling completely confused and alone and having no idea what to think!!!! and then having one day that i remember very specifically where i had a shining moment of clarity for all of half an hour where i thought “i AM a lesbian!!!” and feeling so happy in that moment before my brain took over with the thoughts of “but what if you come across one particular guy sometime...... can’t rule out that possibility” but i knew i really wanted to be a lesbian but just could not allow myself to think i was one

and then fast forwarding up to undergrad where i briefly dated an online guy friend (hi) for like. a month? and then abruptly breaking that off in the worst way possible because i had no fucking clue what i was doing and once again chalked it all up to being emotionally immature and from that moment out identified as aromantic because i figured there was something fucking wrong with me and romance was just not something i could do!!!!! and thinking there was absolutely no fucking way i could be a lesbian and it was completely not even remotely an option because there were certain aesthetic things about men that i appreciated and also never once having had a “proper crush” on anyone or at least not one that i could identify because everyone always talked about love feeling like fireworks and something big and id never felt that for anyone ever so obviously that meant i was incapable of love!!!! so i shoved the whole notion of trying to figure myself out way way way down and didnt look at it for years afterwards 

until i got into graduate school and for some fucking reason my brain decided it was time to dig all that old shit back up and i SUDDENLY COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT AGAIN SCREAMS. and feeling more attracted to women than ever even though i always knew that i liked women 

and i still couldnt entertain the idea that i might be a lesbian because even though id been in a very happy relationship with beansly for a few years at that point and knew for a fact i was not aromantic there was still that thought of “Ok But What If You Meet One Guy Sometime”

and this sounds dumb as fuck but it wasnt until beansly straight up told me “if i had to label you id think you were a lesbian” that my brain went “what if theyre right” (TO WHICH I IMMEDIATELY WENT NOPE but acknowledged that the fact that they called me that made me feel really really good) (but kept thinking about that and kept bringing it back up to myself and ruminating over and over and over it) and then even more dumb as fuck i couldnt admit it to myself until i saw a fucking tumblr post that had something to the effect of “a common thing for lesbians who dont know theyre lesbians yet is that they really want to be a lesbian. its ok to be a lesbian” AND THEN I FUCKING CRIED LIKE A LITTLE FUCKING BABY AND HID UNDER MY BLANKIES but the fucking relief and validation my dude but then being presented with a whole new heap of Problems such as “how the fuck do i come out to people. everyone will think i am faking and Not Enough” and just having to deal with the struggle of owning that label and allowing myself to feel good about it and not let my brain convince me that i am somehow unworthy. and i am completely worthy because i love women and not men and thats the one fucking qualification i need to meet so my brain can go fuck itself into oblivion. ive spent so much time worrying over how much of myself i owe to men and holding myself back for a man that does not exist and will never exist and part of why i keep excitedly bringing up the fact that im a huge fucking lesbian is because in my mind its a huge testament to my personal progress and taking ownership over myself and no longer holding myself back over hypotheticals

so yeah anyway at the end of the day i still have so much more growing i need to do and i still see myself as a small shakey little chihuahua with a big mouth but i am a damn stronger person than i was even a year ago!!!! and learning that your attraction and what label you identify with is supposed to make you feel good was one of the best things i ever learned. i just really wish i could have had the self awareness or at least resources that i have now when i was younger and could have figured it out a little sooner. i know it doesnt make me “lesser” and technically i am still a very young person and have my whole life ahead of me but. idk i just wish id had it in me to be more honest with myself sooner. idk how other people can be so sure of themselves when they are so much younger. that just wasnt me i guess