#a glass of something strong never did to me what a joint did does lol

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

ppl who do mushrooms and weed bc they are "natural" (many things are Natural and doesn't mean they are good for you) will literally say shit like actually is has been PROVEN mushrooms are much less dangerous than alcohol!!!! alcohol is the DEVIL!!!!

gurl a glass of wine will never do to you what mushrooms can do to you. i've had a friend almost die bc she took "very safe" mushrooms that were legal and guaranteed by a certified shop owner that they were okay. she took a small, recommended amount. and she had a trip so bad she couldn't drink water bc she couldn't remember how and then she couldn't sober up, or eat chocolate which usually helps, etc. and she needed to be supervised bc she almost died. and other ppl in the group weren't doing so great either.

[hyunjilicious]

body shots [bucky barnes]

A/n: I word vomited this in 20 minutes and I fucking need this in my life. This is literally just a college AU with minimal plot + shy!innocent!bucky with a twist

Summary: you’re the popular girl and Bucky is the nerd no one talks to. What happens when you finally confess you have a crush on him? 2.1k

Warnings: ok, I always try to not describe the reader at all, but in order for the things in this fic to be able to happen, the reader has to have boobs that aren’t... you know... non-existent like mine lol. Language, alcohol and I think that’s it?

-

“Come on” you giggled, your tormenting gaze consuming the whole of Bucky’s being. He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, eyes awkwardly avoiding yours, in a pathetic attempt to get himself out of his situation. You followed his gaze, looking over the sea of people, but nothing caught your eye. You turned to him, frustration curling your brows, “Please, Bucky”

“No” he whined, throwing his head to the side as the softest of smiles danced at the corner of his lips. Deep down, judging by his pink cheeks and glossy eyes, you knew he wanted to let loose. It was probably the surroundings that inhibited him, that kept him tied to the corner of the room, one red cup of beer in his hand. “I’m not-” he cringed, gesturing towards the tens of already inebriated young adults around the two of you, “I can’t. I’m not one of you guys”

“You can be” you giggled seductively, grabbing his hand into yours. He stiffened against your touch but he didn’t pull away. Instead, he watched you closely, his perfectly innocent blue eyes curiously watching yours, looking for confirmation. Were you really hitting on him? He was oblivious to the moon and back, but even so, your intentions were a bit too obvious.

He contemplated it for a second. You raised your eyebrows, sending him a wordless question and he actually thought about it for a minute, his mouth popping open before he regained himself. Bucky shook his head, chuckling with embarrassment, “Are you making fun of me?”

Your heart broke. “No” you squeezed his hand tighter into yours, “Of course I’m not” you added, Although your tone was somewhat stern, your voice almost cracked as you failed to hide just how much his question hurt. “Why would you think that? Bucky, if I ever did anything-”

“No” he cut you off. Your sudden change in attitude worried him, and now his words drowned in guilt. “You never did anything wrong. I’m sorry.”

“What is it?” you questioned, dragging him by his hand to a nearby table. You put your own glass down, and turned to him, “Tell me”

“It’s nothing” Bucky shook his head, silently laughing as he stared at your shoes.

“Why don’t you want to dance with us?”

“I don’t like dancing,” he shrugged.

“See?” you smiled, wrapping both your hands around his. “If you had told me that from the beginning I would have dropped it. But you told me you don’t think you’re one of us. What does that mean? And you asked me if I’m making fun of you. I would never, Bucky”

Despite the speakers blasting music loud enough to make the windows shake, silence settled between the two of you. You awaited his answer, softly rubbing your thumb across his knuckles. 

“I feel stupid” he shook his head, “I don’t even know what I’m doing at this party. No one wants me here anyway”

“I want you here”

“You’re just saying that because you’re a nice person”

“I’m not nice enough to go around and make sure everyone feels welcome”

“Then why are you here with me?” he scoffed.

“Because I like you?” you hesitated despite it being the truth, and felt your ears burst into flames. In some way, you felt a deep pain in the depths of your chest as you spoke the words, but as soon as they left your mouth, you actually felt relieved. “I liked you for some time, but I had no idea how to approach you, so I thought maybe you’d want to dance with me.”

There was nothing but confusion on his features. His eyes studied yours, looking for the lie. He gawked and all but gasped when you maintained the eye contact and sent him a sweet, reassuring smile. “You like me?” Bucky asked, “Why?”

“Don’t be like that” you frowned, “You’re amazing”

“You don’t know me”

“But I want to”

He bitterly chuckled, the disbelief in his tone sounding almost condescending. “No, you don’t”

“Listen” you said, “If it’s really dancing that you don’t like, we can do something else. We can, I don’t know, talk, do shots? Race down the street or sit down on the porch and roll the joints for these dumbasses. But if it’s me that you don’t like, tell me and I’ll go now and won’t bug you again”

“You’re not bugging me,” Bucky said, his voice barely audible.

“Really?” you beamed almost not able to believe your ears, “Do you wanna-”

“Let’s, um” he laughed, “Let’s dance.”

You weren’t going to object - it was what you came to this shitty party for anyway. Keeping your hand tightly secured around his, you dragged him through the room, searching for a darker corner of the dance floor. You knew he was already somewhat uncomfortable and didn’t want to make everything worse by having him end up in the middle of a mosh pit or something worse.

“Hey there!” Clint’s voice reached your ears. You stopped dead in your tracks and cursed under your breath before turning to face him.

Bucky looked confused and cornered while Clint was as smug as ever.

“This is a party, not a nerd fest, Y/n. The fuck’s he doing here?”

Nostrils flaring, you swallowed your anger and stared him down as you wrapped an arm around Bucky’s frame, “Why are you such an asshole?”

“It’s ok” Bucky tried to butt in.

“No, it’s not” you objected.

“How come the princess of this campus is the one with the balls in this relationship?”

Feeling Bucky tense, you took a deep breath, and decided to ignore the erroneous assumption. “He’s just too polite to sink to your level. But I’m not. So beat it, Clint.”

He pretended to turn around and leave, but stopped and faced you one more time, his expression hazardous. “I just wanna know. Were you his first kiss?”

You all but lunged at him to slap his cheek. And you would have done it had Bucky not stopped you at the last moment. 

“Wow!” Clint exclaimed, and turned to Bucky. “How the fuck did you land that piece of ass?” he asked, nodding towards you, “You can even hold you ground”

Bucky scoffed, and shifted his weight from one leg to the other. He looked around the room, slightly amused as you waited for his reaction. “I can very much hold my ground.”

“Prove it,” Clint taunted. “Prove you’re not a pussy”

“God” you rolled your eyes, but he continued.

“You two. Body shots” Clint commanded, eager to see Bucky chicken out.

“Oh, jesus christ!” you scoffed, “What are you, 14?”

Just when Clint was about to laugh and claim the win, Bucky nonchalantly accepted the challenge. “Sure”

“Bucky-” you turned to him, “We don’t have to do this, who cares what Clint has to-”

“You don’t wanna do it?” Bucky asked, looking down at you, his eyes cold and determined, nothing like they were before. He smiled lewdly, a smile that hid a lot. The hairs on your body stood up, yet you agreed through a simple nod.

Much to Clint’s surprise, Bucky led you to the bar, his grip strong around your waist as he guided you across the room. “Who goes first?”

“I don’t… I don’t care” you mumbled, amazed and still in shock following his sudden change of attitude.

“Come on” Bucky smiled, and fisted the back of his collar, elegantly pulling his sweater over his head. He handed it to you, and for a second you wondered why he was wearing both a sweater and a shirt, but this thought was wiped from your mind, literally obliterated, blown to pieces, fucking erased when your eyes landed on his naked top half. 

The music had been turned down, everyone around you watching carefully. Girls who otherwise would have never looked in his direction gawked and giggled to one another, unable to look away from him. And frankly, neither could you. From his chiseled and defined abs, to his tan chest and the unearthly, bloodcurdling scars that littered his frame, you found yourself struggling to function properly. Who was this guy?

Bucky sat on the bar, a slice of lemon in between his fingers. “Where do you want it?” he asked, waving the salt around.

“Wherever you want it, Bucky!” you shook your head, enthusiastically smiling from ear to ear, “You got it”

“It’s your turn to choose” he urged you.

“Fine” you grinned, “Lean back”

With a side smirk, he laid down on the bar, his chest and abdomen on full display for you and everyone else in the room. You moved to stand by his side, your left hand on his massive thigh as you peppered salt in on the dips in his abdomen. His whole frame rose with every breath he took, and by the second, your need for him grew stronger.

Bucky placed his warm hand on your hip. “Whenever you’re ready”

“Oh, I’m ready all right” you giggled, grabbing your shot.

Before slipping the lemon slice between his teeth, Bucky sent you a wink, and you pussy didn’t fail to respond in an instant. All eyes were on you, whispers and gossip all over, but you drowned them out as you leaned down and licked your way up his body. His abdominal muscles clenched under your tongue, yet somehow off his skin, the salt tasted sweet. You downed the tequila and moved towards his face, your teeth gently grabbing onto the lemon slice as your heart beat out of your chest. And of course he didn’t let go too easily. 

Close to bursting into nervous laughter, you opened your eyes, finding his blue ones menacingly staring at you. You were ready to pull away without that damned slice in order to just breathe, but then he unclenched his jaw. You exhaled with relief, his lips brushing against yours before you managed to stand up.

And when you did, you felt disheveled. The amount of tension that tortured your mind during these seconds compared to nothing you had ever experienced before. Every part of your body burned and you sucked on that poor lemon slice for too fucking long in order to pull yourself back together. 

“Your turn” Bucky teased, sitting up. You met his eyes and chuckled. “You don’t have to take your shirt off if you don’t want to,” he announced but you rolled our eyes and scoffed.

“Yeah, right”

After ushering Bucky off the bar, you watched him dress himself back up. When he was ready, you took his spot and salaciously grinned at him as you pulled your top over your head, your breasts inches away from his hungry eyes.

“Lean on your elbows, doll” he said, and you almost burst into flames at the pet name.

You did as told and lowered yourself back.

Tens of people watched you, yet the only eyes you cared about were Bucky’s. He stared at you as if he was going to eat you alive, and frankly, at this point, you were willing to beg for it.

“Take this” he said, placing another slice of lemon between your teeth, before grabbing the salt and pouring a healthy amount across your breasts.

As he lowered himself over your body, you heaved in anticipation, your chest nearing his face with every tortured breath you took. And when it happened, it felt like pure electricity attacked your body. His devilish tongue brushed against your skin, around the curve of your tits, his breath hot and wet as a smile was visible at the corners of his mouth.

You continued to watch him as he straightened his back to take the shot, and almost choked on the slice between your teeth when he leaned down again. He didn’t hold back, his lips crashing against yours, the aggravation of his movement making the lemon juice drip down your chin. And this could’ve gone so much differently, but he had a task. Bucky ripped the slice away from your teeth, pulling away as he munched on it.

You were lost. Completely and utterly in pure awe with this man. In a matter of minutes he went from a cute nerd you were soft for, to a sculptured man who you were fucking weak for. And judging by his proud expression, he knew it.

“Ok, ok, fine, fuck it” Clint called, his voice pulling you out of your thoughts. “I fucking take everything back. Though you, Buck-” he added, “Could fucking ditch the dweb attire and maybe… I don’t know, stop being fucking weird., cause man-” he whistled, looking Buck up and down before turning around and leaving without another word.

“Oh my god” you laughed, and so did Bucky.

You wanted to stand up, but he was quicker, grabbing your waist and helping you to your feet. “Got some shit I need to tell you about me” he confessed, his voice low, right against your ear.

“No shit” you scoffed, slapping his chest.

“Your place or mine?”

“Whichever is closer”

[fizzingwizard]

So............ Episode 39 is a fever dream xD I think the writers were high. It’s probably better enjoyed while high as well, if you’re not eight years old. Bahahaha.

But HEY they really went for it. They were like, this is the concept, we are not backing down, YOU’RE GONNA LIKE IT OR ELSE. Man. Ballsy.

I can’t say whether this episode was Good or Not Good - I think it’s more in the liminal zone of “you wish you could forget but never can” memedome. Lol

It’s a Jou ep and we can say, for sure, that the episode certainly embodies Jou’s potential *cackles*

Note: Episode 40 won’t air until 3/21.

Pic of the Day is Taichi because, as usual, I capped him too much.

Taichi: Pretty sure we all just ate hallucinogenic mushrooms by accident but just gonna smile through it

More below!

First Tailmon lectures the kids on the importance of taking a break to rest. Basically, Tailmon is me. Hey, writers, are you reading my blog? Lol.

They pull up to what turns out to be a Digimon burger restaurant. The fact that Palmon didn’t know what burgers until they went to the simulated human world is dealt with pretty much by saying she just doesn’t get around much lol.

They find many Digimon enjoying burgers made by the Digimon after my heart, Burgermon.

The Squirtle Squad is there too.

Taichi also is me.

Sora comments on how this place reminds her of a place from home, to which Mimi responds that she’s never been there as she usually travels by plane ??????????????????????

I know she’s rich but does she take a plane to the grocery store xD

The kids st down to enjoy some burgers, all except for Yamato, Koushirou, and Hikari, who didn’t listen to Tailmon’s lecture and are still working. Even Tailmon doesn’t take her own advice.

Jou suddenly notices something strange. He stands, glasses shining.

Jou: Why is no one eating the fries!

Taichi: I’m eating them.

Jou: i dON’T MEAN YOU!!!!!

His blood pressure skyrockets. Fries are the main reason to go to a burger joint. Why is no one eating the fries??

Taichi: Like I said, I’m eating them.

Jou: NOT EVERYTHING’S ABOUT YOU!

Meanwhile, Yamato’s group realizes Komondomon is very dirty when he accidentally creates a small sandstorm out of his fur. They meet another Komondomon who is sparkly and bishie and find out there’s a car wash service by Lunamon nearby, so they take Komondomon to get washed.

HEY WRITERS, YOU’RE READING MY BLOG RIGHT??? I asked for this before. Bahahaha. BATHE KOMONDOMON 2021

Lunamon also tries to bathe Gabumon, but he’s not interested.

Gabumon: I don’t need a bath!

Yamato: Uh, are you sure?

Jou’s indignation over the not eating of the fries turns out to be because, sometimes after cram school he sneaks off to a burger restaurant and eats fries and just has a moment for himself before he goes home. His special time with fries keeps him sane in a cold, cruel world.

Then this abomination appears. Potemon. He both is a potato and loves eating potatoes. Uh. That’s. That’s kinda wack

Jou instantly clicks with Potemon due to their mutual love for potatoes. I thought we’d get an explanation like “no one here eats fries because we save them all for Potemon” or something, but it seems like... Potemon is really the only one who likes them... idk man this episode makes no sense

Then Burgermon makes a sad announcement... They’re going to discontinue the fries!

Burgermon: Selling fries is a net loss for us because no one eats them.

Taichi: But you don’t sell anything, it’s all free.

Burgermon: Yes but if we DID sell them it WOULD be a net loss because no one eats them

Then Hikari’s like “quit being so lazy!” and the others are like “you literally told us it’s important to rest” and Hikari’s group is like “KOMONDOMON NEEDS A BATH ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES JACK A DULL BOY” and Taichi’s like “but my name is not Jack”

Gomamon tries to help Jou cheer up by reminding him of his image as a leader. Tailmon is surprised... but accepts her new leader lmao.

I mean, how could you not admire his authoritative figure?

There’s a running joke from this point about the word suberu (滑る) which means both to slip like in the tub and to flunk an exam. So, for Jou, it’s the equivalent of a curse word lol. Mimi is the number one offender, the little witch bahaha.

Potemon has gone to cry over not being able to be a cannibal anymore, until he is consumed by potato rage. His eyes glow red and he evolves to...

... Jagamon, another potato Digimon, but larger. He is a Perfect level WHAT. Does that mean Potemon was Adult level??? Or he was so upset he just jumped two levels in single go without any extra help from Millenniumon?? i think this guy might be the real Big Bad y’all

Jagamon throws potato bombs around and stuff starts to get wrecked.

Taichi: This seems like an overreaction!

Agumon: To be honest I get it. I’d probably act the same if I couldn’t have my favorite food anymore.

Taichi: But your favorite food is every food.

Burgermon and Lunamon bravely rush out to stop Jagamon, but then, when rescued by Taichi, instantly agree to turn tail and run bahaha.

Not to be outdone, Yamato rushes in to save this little guy, Pusurimon, who looks up at his hero with eyes full of wonder.

Taichi then asks Yamato to lead the evacuation which pretty much means “stop stealing my fans”

Meanwhile Birdramon... helps???... Blimpmon...

I didn’t even know there was a Blimpmon...

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised...

....

Jou realizes that Jagamon is Potemon and begs the others to help him save the little potato head.

Taichi notices that Lunamon’s bubbles are peculiarly strong for bubbles and stop the potato bombs from exploding. I mean, he and everyone else figures it out just by using their eyes. Jou then instantly takes over and starts giving orders like he’s a got a shrewd plan.

Jou: I have a plan!

Mimi: What is it?

Jou: Use the bubbles to stop the potato bombs from exploding!

Mimi: Funny, that was my plan too!

Jou... What a coincidence!

Tailmon receives Captain Jou’s orders and promptly evolves to Angewomon. She shoots her arrow into Zudomon’s hammer and tells Jou to infuse it with his strong feelings.

(A quick not funny aside - now we know Angewomon can do this. It makes perfect sense for both her abilities in 99 Adventure and the abilities we’ve seen from the holy Digimon thus far this season. Bit of a strange way to have it confirmed but xD)

Jou does just that, infusing Zudomon’s hammer with his passion for fries and the deep connection he felt with Potemon as potetomo “potato friends.” Then he freaking picks it up, leaps into the sky which has suddenly become dark and stormy even though it was blue five seconds ago, and slams it into Jagamon’s skull.

Jou: I AM THOR, SON OF ODIN, AND THIS IS MJOLNIR! YOU WILL RESPECT THE HAMMER!

Mimi: I THINK THIS MIGHT BE OVERKILL!

But it works. A swift blow to the head and Jagamon is back to his normal potato-loving self. We all just accept this.

They now have a surplus of potatoes, thanks to Jagamon’s power to spontaneously generate them. Never mind that they also EXPLODE. Apparently that does not affect how delicious they are to eat.

I figured at some point someone would say the reason the fries were being discontinued was due to lack of potatoes, and the arrival of Jagamon would solve all their problems. But if they ever did say anything that, I missed it. Was a bit odd.

The end!

So, YEAH, bonkers episode. But Jou is the hero we all want to be in our hearts. And everyone loves fries. Which makes this the most relatable episode yet lol.

Did I like it? No, not really. But I think that’s because I am not eight years old xD I do appreciate the Jou-related humor though. Def can’t say this episode was boring! And, among other things, nearly everyone got to talk do stuff - only Koushirou and Takeru didn’t have much of a role this time. And the joke with Tailmon accepting Jou as her leader was pretty funny and cute and I hope it sticks. And I really did love the way Jou relied on Mimi at the end - it was just silly, not meaningful in any way, but it was funny and my Joumi heart enjoyed it :P

Next episode, again, won’t air till 3/21, and it looks to be a Sora episode. (Last week I surmised that ep 40 would kick off the next big arc, but I had totally forgotten Sora hasn’t had “her episode” yet. Sorry Sora ;_;)

The preview looks light-hearted, though perhaps not quite as silly as this week.

First they will go to Jurassic Park!

Where Sora and Taichi will impress the dino bird kingdom with their soccer prowess!

And Mimi will continue to relax.

Jou: What happened to all play and no work makes Jack a dull boy?

Mimi: Um, excuse me, I’m a GIRL.

Koushirou: You all know you’re using that phrase the wrong way, right?

[ajokeformur-ray]

Hi, hope you're okay! Can I have a matchup for phoenix's arthur? I'm 5'4 with long blonde wavy hair & green eyes with round glasses. I'm an INFP and love true crime, I want to pursue a career in criminal psychology/profiling. I'm really quiet around new people and may accidentally say something mean (I don't mean to, I'm really trying to work on being nicer, I just panic), but once I get comfortable around people, I'm better. I also have Raynaud's , so it'd be really cool if he can react to that

I get it mostly on my fingers & it makes it difficult to move my hands lol. Thanks for doing this, I really appreciate it x

Brace your eyes, honeybee!!! This is a looooong one ksksskks under a cut!! so sorry that this was late omggg I’ve been dealing with… a lot and I had a bit of anxiety with this piece bc I love you and you’re amazing and I wanted to get this right. I hope that the length makes up for it, darling! I know you asked for just Arthur but I added his Joker by way of apology for this being late!!

WC for all four ships: 2, 977.

Arthur // wc: 730.

With a four inch height difference between the two of you, Arthur does feel a little bit more protective of you; he loves nothing more than wrapping his arms around you and pulling you tight into his body, his chin resting on the curve of your shoulder, his face buried in your warm neck as he hides himself from the world and sometimes, on his darkest days, from you. Arthur takes a great deal of comfort from even your existence, so in love with you is he. Your hair is long and he loves it. He enjoys sitting on the sofa with you sat behind him while he brushes your hair out for you (if you let him), while he washes it for you over the bath… Arthur will do anything for even five minutes more in your presence, he holds you in such a high esteem. And your eyes, oh, but he could get lost in those green oceans which gaze at him with such reverence. Arthur also makes sure that your glasses are always looked after; he makes sure that they’re in their usual place, and he gingerly holds them in between his index finger and his thumb while he wordlessly cleans them for you. You are his entire world and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you. 

You love true crime and Arthur… he doesn’t stay away from it and he does like to curl up on the sofa with you, but he’ll burrow his face in your neck because there’s enough crime just outside the apartment. He doesn’t especially want to be reminded of anything, either, but he uses this time to spend it with you. Sometimes he’ll actually watch it but that’s more because he wants to get closer to you through doing so and not because he’s genuinely enjoying it. He is your biggest supporter and Arthur will help you with anything and everything. Arthur was a tenth grade drop out so he really is very protective not only of your studying time but also of your well being. He knows better than most what can happen when one works themselves to the bone without reprieve and he’s determined that such a thing will not happen to you. He would do and be anything if it meant helping you with your chosen career path in any way. He likes to spend time with you while you’re watching true crime and he’ll ask you what you like about it, why and any and every question that he can think of. Arthur admires the passion in you, your drive and he especially loves the way that your eyes light up when you’re talking about the things you love the most.

You’re both really quiet around new people. Arthur, especially, because he’s always so scared that he’ll have a laughing fit and ruin his chances of friendship before he even knows it’s there, so preemptively does he keep his mouth shut. You sometimes say mean things but it wouldn’t deter Arthur; he’s very emotionally intuitive and I think he’d be able to see those signs of panic in you. “You didn’t mean to say it like that, did you?” You shake your head and Arthur gives you a weary, knowing smile. “Do you - I mean, do you want to - try that again?”it’s a system that stays long after the two of you are dating and it saves more arguments than it starts. You’re better when you’re comfortable around him but the system stays, both because you’re used to it by that point and also because it carries fond memories of shy smiles, half finished sentences and blushes which dust both of your cheeks in rose. 

There is nothing that Arthur can’t adapt to, there is nothing that he can’t understand. He’s eager to please and because of that is he quick to learn and as such, when you have trouble moving your hands, Arthur’s there to take them in between both of his. He’ll cup them tightly, a frown on his face as he desperately tries to warm your hands up with his. Because of his malnutrition and the various effects of all those medications he’s on, Arthur has cold hands, too, but he tries, he tries, and together, with a joint effort, do hands and souls alike warm up under each other’s tender touch. 

Joker // wc: 828.

OMGGGG this man is head over heels for you. You were with him through it all; everything that he went through and experienced, every injustice he suffered, every right and wrong… you were there through it all and you stayed, you stayed after he succumbed to all that was making him numb, after he chose the name (but not the things that came with it, he didn’t want any of those), and for that, you’re together for life. Joker is 1000000% committed to you and without you he just simply isn’t whole. He behaves in all the same ways towards you that he used to, you, his one and only person who understands him, but he’s much more protective of you. Joker is less tolerant of anything which could cause you even the smallest pieces of discomfort or hurt. You are his entire world, his whole life and his whole life and there is nothing he wouldn’t do for you. And I mean nothing. How special a soul you are, to command Arthur’s love for you. What you share is something very special, very raw and real… it’s once in a lifetime and you both know it.

Where before did Arthur hide himself in your neck, now he watches attentively. His knees bounce, his body shakes, he chuckles and laughs if the narrator makes a dark joke (and makes sure to remember it for later on; his material is never fully perfected, try as he might), and he makes sure that he remembers all those hints and tips laced within the narrative of how to get rid of forensic evidence, of how to escape and to look after oneself. You want to pursue a career in criminal psychology and in profiling and Joker is fascinated by all of it. All of it. He’s not afraid to ask you to read to him, his head cushioned on your chest late at night. His green curls fanned out across your body, his hands trailing along the sides of your body, fingers splayed to touch as much of you as he can all at once… it’s sensual, these quiet moments together and neither of you would trade them for the world. He slips off to sleep at the touch of your hand, the sound of your voice, your heartbeat in his ear… Sometimes Joker worries that because of your chosen career, that you’ll turn him in or you’ll be placed in danger because of him. You getting harmed in even the smallest of ways scares Joker like nothing else; without you, he truly has nothing left to lose. He’ll do anything to protect you, anything to keep you safe. Anything.

By this time in your relationship, you’re both more than comfortable with each other and you both know when the other person needs space or some extra love. You and Joker know each other like the backs of your hands and there’s an easy sort of intimacy between the both of you, both of you able to fully relax and to be yourselves around the other. You’re trying to work on being nicer and Joker admires that effort; he knows better than most that it isn’t easy and he would make sure that when you’re feeling like you still need to be more, he’s there to tell you that you’re enough; just because you you’re and who you are is beautiful. You have always been his greatest comfort, his biggest reason, his everything and Joker never lets you doubt it for even a second. There is nothing you could ever say or do which would make him less proud of you. Nothing. Joker loves you for all that you are, all that you have ever been and all that you will ever be and he can’t wait to spend the rest of his life with you.  

Joker is often out of the apartment for long stretches of time and he comes and goes at all hours of the day and night. Sometimes you wonder if he wanders the streets at night looking to get jumped. He’s so self-punishing even now, and it’s something that you wouldn’t put past him, though it does break his heart. When he comes home, he is freezing. The sweet, sweet man takes a hot shower and comes to bed, warmed up just so that he can warm you up; especially in winter, it’s so important for you to keep warm and when you can’t move your hands, Joker’s there to wait on you and he adores the way he’s able to take care of you, a natural caregiver is he. When he first found out about it, he asked you any and every question which he could think of, wanting to learn about it but also the ways it affects you and how he can help you. You have always been and will always be Arthur’s number one priority, and that’ll never change, no matter what.

Pepperminnttttt~ // wc: 710.

This one took me longer to write bc I kept blushing omgggg 🥺😍😭🥺

Heath’s six foot but I headcanon Pat to be roughly 5′8, which means that there’s a good four inches in height difference between the two of you. Pat loves to fold you in his arms, the sharp angle of his chin resting on the crown of your head. He likes to approach you from behind, a strong, muscular arm winding around your waist. It makes you jump and he chuckles, his face brushing yours, his lips in the hollow just behind your ear. “Whoa, easy, girlie,” and he glares at anyone who rolls their eyes, looks at you in a way he doesn’t like, and so on. Pat uses the reputation he never really asked for or wanted to protect you. He doesn’t care what others say about him, but about you? He’d go nuts if someone dared to go after you. You have long blonde hair and green eyes and Pat is always unable to say more than, “Wow, you look…. wow.”, a smirk on his face. You truly are beautiful and he adores every single thing about you. You’re the only one to see him for who he really is and he does everything that he can to show you how appreciative he is of you for that.

You love to watch true crime and Pat often camps out with you on the sofa, a blanket over both of your shoulders and a bowl of popcorn or something similar balanced precariously on the spaces between your laps. His fingers brush against yours occasionally when he reaches for some popcorn and he’s either feeding you kernels or chucking them up in the air and catching it effortlessly, a cocky smirk on his face if you act impressed. You want a career in criminal psychology and though Pat doesn’t really care much about his future because he prefers to live in the moment, he is so supportive of you and there’s nothing he won’t do for you. That’s not to say that he’ll even pick up a textbook for you, but he’ll be there to rub your back when you’re stressed, he’ll be there to kiss your anxieties away, and he’s there with silly comments to make you laugh when it truly counts. Love’s about sticking around and Pat proves that to you.

You’re quiet about new people but Pat isn’t deterred; he knows better than most that what you see isn’t always what you get, so he is his usual charming and persistent self. He finds ways to make conversations with you, he finds ways to get you to talk. Pat does everything he can to get to know you and if you ever accidentally say something you don’t mean, Pat gives you one of his concentrated looks. “You didn’t mean that, did you?”  // “No, I’m sorry, I - “ // “You panicked, I know. You’re not afraid of me, are you?” // “No, I - “ and you get talking that way. Pat is emotionally intuitive, very clever and very patient and there’s nothing he won’t do for you. You’re working on being nicer and Pat is so proud of you. Sometimes he’ll tap your bottom lip with a finger and say, “Play nice” if you spoke out of turn, or he’ll just look at you until you come back into yourself. You never doubt yourself around him, he doesn’t allow it, and the aura around him is so calming that you couldn’t even if you wanted to. 

Pat is always, always concerned for your health and for your well being. There’s nothing he won’t do or say for you, nothing at all, and he makes sure that he always has heating pads, gloves, anything that will keep you warm and comfortable. Pat is always holding your hands, always making sure that you’re okay, that you’re being taken care of. He reacted positively to finding out that you have Raynaud’s and when it’s hard to move your hands, he’s there waiting on you. Anything you want, anything you need, and Pat is right there for you. He loves you so so much that it drives him mad, but, well… you love him just as fiercely, and that’s what he clings to even in his darkest of hours.

Pretty panda // wc: 709.

J is a clean six foot so there is a six inch height difference between you and omgggg ~ J’s nicknames for you can be anything from shortstack, sweetcheeks, shortcake, shortie… he means it to be teasing and though he’ll toe the line of your boundaries he won’t ever push them or break them entirely. J respects you, he trusts you, and if you’re not okay with those names then he won’t use them. He loves your long hair; when the sunlight catches it, it looks golden and he appreciates the different tones. It reminds J of you, strangely; of how you have your own multiple layers and complexities. He adores your eyes, too… J doesn’t care at all about appearances but he really does enjoy looking into your eyes and seeing you look back at him. If eyes are the windows to the soul then yours, my dear, are radiant. J can read everything in your eyes - your every mood - and there’s something which doesn’t quite feel right to him unless chocolate meets green often. Sometimes at night, J has a nightmare and he needs to see those green fields to calm the pounding of his heart; he rarely wakes you up, though. He just shrugs it off and tries his best to get back to sleep. He may not be a man with a plan but he does have ideas; and they won’t bring themselves to fruition.

J finds endless amusement in the way that he’s a terrorising murderous clown and you love true crime and want to work in the same fields. He gets a good kick out of it and though he worries that you’ll be in danger or that you won’t be able to keep up with him, once he invited you along with him. “C’mon, s’no good watching it all the time - what’d’ya say - wanna, ah - see it ya’self?” Nothing special happens that night, it’s only a bank heist, but even so the thrill you get is unlike anything else. Oh, but you feel so alive. J is there for you no matter what you decide to do with your future; he can use his many connections to get you a proper foot in the door. He also doesn’t see that you need a career; he can rob a bank any day to provide you with a comfortable life, but he respects and understands and likes that you’re your own person with your own hopes and dreams and he’ll do anything to support you. 

You’re really quiet around new people but J’s not all that fussed by it. He can read body language well enough anyway, so anything that you don’t say he can read in your eyes, see it on your face. He calls you his open book, his, and the inflexion in that phrase makes your stomach swoop each and every time he says it. If you accidentally say something mean, J just exhales amusement through his nose. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t call you out on it, he just stays quiet. In his silence do you hear acceptance, understanding. He knows you didn’t mean it and that’s why he doesn’t say anything about it. When you get comfy around people, you’re better and you don’t panic as often and J appreciates the way that you relax around him. Actions speak louder than words and the way you relax around him tells J  that you trust him. You trust him. There are no words in the world which can express J’s gratitude and the way he’s so deeply touched by it and so he decides to show you every day.

You have Raynaud’s and there’s nothing that J can’t or won’t understand. When you can’t move your hands, J grumbles about it but he helps you in any way that he can. He’s there to warm your hands up, to help you to keep warm too. J runs like a heater, even when it’s ice cold outside, and he’ll help you. He might crack jokes, make comments about how your cold soul is leaking through your skin, but the twinkle of mirth in those beautiful chocolate eyes tells you more than J ever could himself. 

[purplesurveys]

887

Numbers, Numbers Everywhere

How old are you? I turned 22 last April.

What day of the month is your birthday? It’s on the 21st. It’s exactly a week after my brother’s birthday and six days before my parents’ anniversary, so April tends to be a hectic month for us. What's the last digit of your phone number? It ends in 5.

What's your favorite number? I don’t pick a favorite number because the idea just doesn’t make sense to me. If someone asked me to pick a number though I always go with 4 just because it reminds me of Beyoncé lol How many bedrooms does your home have? It used to have three but my parents had the balcony renovated and transformed into another bedroom after they realized my siblings and I were all getting older, and that it would be the most appropriate decision to let us have our own rooms.

How many people do you live with? Four people and two dogs. How many exes do you have? I’ve only had one, but we got back together. How long is the song you're listening to? (If you have music going.) Not listening to any music right now but the last song I played a few hours ago was Thick and Thin by LANY, which is 3 minutes and 32 seconds long. What time did you wake up, today? I woke up at 8 AM. I surprised myself today because it meant I had slept for 11 hours, something I don’t remember ever being able to do lol. I was asleep by 9 PM last night because overthinking all day tired me out and also because I didn’t have my afternoon coffee. How many siblings do you have? I have two. I don’t speak to one of them. How many gaming consoles are in your home? We have three consoles that we currently use – PS4, Switch, and my siblings also recently re-unboxed our PS3 to play older games on it. We also have other consoles that we haven’t used in a while but just never thrown out – Wii, DSi, PS2, and two PSPs. How many pets do you have? I have two dogs :) Kimi’s a 12 year old half-aspin half-we never actually figured out what his other breed is, we’re thinking shih tzu? and Cooper is a three month old beagle. How many schools have you attended? Just two. I attended the same school from kindergarten to high school then I went to a different one for college. How old were you when you had your first kiss? (If you've had it.) I was 16, but was turning 17 that year. How many movies have you seen at the cinema this year? Zero. This would be a lot sadder to answer if I loved going to the cinemas, but tbh I only watch movies in the theatres like twice a year so I’m not too bothered. Still, I miss having that option. How many windows does your bedroom have? It has two big windows but each of them have six panes that I can open. How many TVs are in your home? Four. There’s one in the dining room, living room, parents’ room, and brother’s room. How many pairs of shoes do you own? I don’t feel like getting up just to count them. I wanna say around 15-20 pairs. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Already mentioned this, but 11 hours. That’s a feat for me, considering I’ve only been getting 4-5 hours a night lately. I even wanted to sleep more, but Cooper wanted a playmate and I felt bad. How many inches long is your hair (at it's longest point)? Idk 8, 9 inches? Not good with exact measurements, but the longest it’s been was right above my waist. How many chairs are in your living room? We have an L-shaped couch that can seat five people, which is how big my family is so it’s just the right size for us. We don’t have chairs per se, though we used to a few years ago.   How many pairs of sunglasses do you own? Zero. Not a fan of them. How many cell phones have you owned/had? My current one is my 8th. I’ve switched phones so much because I lost them a lot (as a kid) or I broke them a lot (as a teenager). Was never good at taking care of my valuables so my parents made sure that with my iPhone 8, it had the toughest phone case and the thickest tempered glass we could find. I still ended up ruining them both loooool but the phone is still staying strong with me, so at least that’s something. How many apps are on your cell phone? 99. How the fuck do I have that many??? I always just thought I had around 25. I need to clean up my phone, damn. How tall are you? 5′1″. How long have you lived in your current home? 12 years. What percentage is your phone's battery at right now? It’s at 33% right now. I’ve been horrible at charging it lately because I keep unplugging when it hits around 45% so I can use it wirelessly, whoops. How much your home's rent (or mortgage) each month? I’m not sure about the amount; my parents pay for the house. How many surgeries have you had? Zero. How many doors does your home have? 13. How many times did you drink (alcohol) last month? I’m not sure...maybe once or twice? I try to save up my alcohol because I only have five bottles of soju and I don’t think I’ll be getting another set soon. How many pillows are on your bed? Two. How many letters are in your first name? R-o-b-y-n, five. How many times have you been in love? Once. How many pieces of jewelry are you currently wearing? None right now and none for a while. I haven’t had a reason to wear jewelry at home. What is the age difference between you and your significant other? One month and around two weeks. We’re the same age - we went to school together and were part of the same batch. How much cash do you currently have? I have a little over ₱700. It’s the last of my school allowance, aw :( How many contacts are in your phone? A lot. I don’t think my phone has an option to view the total number. How many best friends do you have? Two. How old is your mom? 48, though she’s turning 49 in September. How old is your dad? 49. How many keys do you have (on your keyring/chain or whatever)? Just two – house and car keys. I’d put trinkets on it but I’ve lost the ones I’ve tried hooking onto my keychain.

How many keychains are attached to your keys? ^ How many video games do you own? My best guess would be 50-60. I’d say we have around 15 per console. How many monthly bills do you pay/have? We have the internet, phone, electricity, and water bills, but it’s my parents who pay for them. They also pay for the house and the cars. Until recently we also got monthly bills for our cable subscription, but my dad canceled it after he realized no one in the house watched TV anymore because we’re all on either YouTube or Netflix now. If you get an allowance, how much do you get weekly? My parents gave me ₱2000 a week in college, which would be enough to gas up my car for the next five days, feed myself in school, and have one or two nights out with friends. It used to be ₱1000 but that was super little and I used to starve myself in school, and for the longest time I had just been too shy to tell my parents to increase my allowance. If you have a job, how much do you earn (hourly)? No job yet. What is your town/city's population? (You might need to look that one up.) A little less than 780,000.

How long have you lived in the town you currently live in? More or less 20 years. We only lived in Manila until I was 1. How long have you lived in the state/province you currently live in? Again, 20 years. Manila is in a different region from where I currently reside. How long have you been with your significant other? (if taken) A little over four years. How long were you with your most recent ex? (if you have one) My only ex is also my SO, and during our first relationship we were together for eight months. How many blind dates have you been on? Zero. Not for me. How many email addresses do you have (that you use)? Three. I have two Gmails and one Outlook, but the last one I barely use anymore. How many times have you traveled outside of your home country? Three. The first was a joint vacation to Singapore and Malaysia; the second was a trip to Indonesia; the third was a cruise that involved three countries, but we flied to China because that’s where the ship was stationed. How many times do you usually sneeze in a row? Four or five at most. But that doesn’t happen a lot. Usually I’d only sneeze once. What time is it right now? 5:22 PM.

[rough-and-whump]

Rough is a Whumpee

So, yeah, this might end up being a series, ha ha! I tend to hurt myself a lot and this might be a fun thing for me.

Please keep in mind: I might “whumpify” some of my experiences to make it more interesting in a whump context.

I’m not sure if this might be a trigger for anyone, but obvs don’t read this too much if you don’t like the idea of “whump” type things happening to real people. 

Again, I do this for fun, and I’m as clumsy as a three-legged camel walking blindfolded and backwards on a snow-capped mountain.

Some context:

I do karate. Been practicing for about 9 years. I started as an adult and am one of the longer standing members of my club right now. Most of my peers in the front line have been practicing for 20+ years.

I have chosen to do this to myself, because it’s part of what I view as “my journey” as a martial artist. Plus also, I mean, my injuries in karate have never been that serious - I’m partially lucky, but mostly smart about how I fight and who I fight, lol!

I totally have a lot of times when I get hurt. Most times, it’s not bad - it’s just low-level stuff that bothers me during the day. But when I describe it, it definitely does sound bad - I find it’s okay, like, I can still function; but lots of folks I talk to about my injuries look at me like I’m stupid. But, frankly, I can’t afford to just stay home whenever I feel a bit uncomfortable. XD

The incident:

Canada Day Parade with my karate club. It’s been rainy and wet. We know that this makes boards harder to break, but we (me and my student) still wanted to do it. 

Boards seem fine, our test breaks two days before the Parade went well.

Parade time. First three breaks for me go fine. But there’s definitely more hurt in these boards than the ones we broke last year. Still decide to go ahead.

Break four, last of the parade. In front of a group of small kids, namely girls. It’s my student and my fave corner for breaks since the crowd is usually really amped up. 

It’s been raining now for the last twenty minutes - our boards are soaked. We know this, but we still go for it because we’re idiots.

I set up for an elbow break. I’ve done two of these and a front punch break all fine up to now. So I figure, okay, I can do this. Just all the power.

Fire it up, annnnnd... first one - bounce. Don’t swear, try again. Full power. Bounce.

I switch to a hammer fist break and get through it, but ooowwwwwww.

The consequence:

I have some righteous bruising on my elbow and hand from my two good elbow breaks, the front punch and the hammer fist. I don’t bruise easily and I have an olive/tan skin tone, so bruises don’t generally show through. But these are a niiiiice deep purple, ha ha!

Aaaaaand I have a separated AC joint in my right shoulder.

The whump, mental side:

The doubt of whether or not the injury is actually as bad as it is.

Don’t want to seem “weak”, so I often brush off pain that requires frequent and often medication.

Also don’t want to make a big deal if this really isn’t so bad. It isn’t a full on dislocation, it’s fixable, so it can’t be that bad.

Buuuut, legit it hurts. I refuse to take a bunch of painkillers because I don't like how they make me feel. I'm trying to make do using weed and rest.

Part of why I'm purposefully avoiding strong pain killers is also because when I've done that in the past, I've also ended up trying to "push through" my injury and it makes my recovery longer.

Extending on the point above: I’m purposefully choosing to feel more pain so that I know when to kinda pull back from what I’m doing. This said, I still feel it. So I’m spending the day with increased tension in my neck (manifesting headaches to boot) and a bit of mind fog from just having to devote some of my mind to ignoring the pain.

Details on the painkiller thing: I’m choosing not to use Robax, Motrin, or Tylenol much because I legit had a problem with them a few years back. I never developed any actual bad liver or kidney problems, but I was taking about a bottle of Robax Platinum every week for three weeks at one point. That’s a lot of Robax. And that was a recent blip. Before I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety and Clinical Depression, I turned to Robax and alcohol to manage my symptoms of panic and feelings of worthlessness. It really did a number on me. There were a lot of factors pushing me into that corner. Honestly, I wish I had access to weed at that time, because it would have helped me so much to have alternative, healthier, and less harmful pain relief and anxiety help. 

When I first stopped taking Robax and chose to just deal with the pain as best I could, it took me about a month to realize that I was feeling better and better and better. I didn’t know why - I thought hey maybe it was just weather or something. But after some more reflection and a bit of experimentation, I found that it was actually the chemical painkillers that made me feel that way.

Legit I was addicted to painkillers. I went from liking the relief I got from two Robax at a time to needing to take four at a time to get a sort of “high” feeling - I could put on “robax glasses” that made it easier to deal with my abusive boss, the blatant illegal activity happening at work, and the toxic work environment and shit pay.

The whump, physical stuff (aka the good stuff):

I can’t lift my right arm over my head, combined with being a creature of habit and right handed, it’s lead to a lot of “fuck, ow!” moments when reaching up for some stationary at the office or when reaching for something in the cabinets in the kitchen.

Sharp pains occasionally - not often - kind of radiates up and down in severity. I can’t find a trigger for it yet, if there is one. It could just be pain ‘cause it’s a busted shoulder. 

Pains tend to be:

“heat” at the shoulder itself

“radiating” lines of tension and sharp pulling pains up across the collarbone towards the base of the neck, up the side of the neck, into the right side of my head (somehow?! when I went to get accupuncture, that point was suuuuper effective/painful), and down towards the meeting point of all the lat muscles in the mid back.

The neck pain is the worst, it sends shooting pains up the right side of my head, and definitely puts me “on edge”.

Typing is a fresh horror. I work an office job in tech and do a lot of typing in my day, so I had to figure out with our office wellness dude (who is such a darling and so sweet, and legit he and I schedule “meetings” that end up just us chatting about our weekend adventures) how to set up my station so I keep my arm internally rotated.

Side note: legit, this separated shoulder thing is a much bigger deal than I think I want it to be. I’m scared of it, really. I don’t want to lose the full function of my right arm - I need to fight with it, plus I need to still be able to “Simba raise” my cat into the air on sunny mornings.

He was telling me I should look into getting a sling so it’s supported while I’m just sitting/not using it. I’m ok without one at work cause I can set up my station so my elbow is supported and I can keep my arm internally rotated. But like, this guy doesn’t make a big deal out of nothing - if he’s advising me to get a sling, I really should consider it... he’s a trained kinesiologist and former physiotherapist, like, he knows what he’s talking about. XD

Headache onset by 11:25 AM. Shit, I wish I took my CBD oil to work. 

It’s definitely a constant presence in my mind - it makes working harder to a degree because a part of my mind is just always firing. But at the same time, work is also better because I have a reason to kind of fully invest myself mentally into work - the pain also sort of drives it. But it’s exhausting and unsustainable. 

Fictional Whump Thoughts From This:

Again, this is me dramatizing my thoughts. I don’t actually think exactly like this - there are parts that are true, but most of it is just me using my experience as a whump jumping point.

“Ah! Fuck... Dammit.” (in response to trying to do a movement drill on Saturday but realizing even just pulling back my left arm with power makes my right shoulder hurt)

“No no, I’m good, it’s okay. It’s just that it hurts a bit and I can’t lift heavy things, but I can still do a lot - it’s okay.”

“Hey, uh, could, um, could I get help out to the car with this?” (sheepishly asked at the grocery store for four measly bags - I ended up just carrying the light stuff on the right side and taking forever because it took too long and I was too embarrassed to wait for help. I’m otherwise able, so I shouldn’t use resources, right?)

“Oh, no, it’s fine - it’s a small price to pay, really. I felt super badass.” (Truth, but some people don’t get it)

[This is less fictional more real, but let’s say it’s dramatized a bit]: I’m really glad this happened to me and not one of my students. I’ve trained for this. And I signed up to do the board breaking knowing it would be harder, more risky and I would certainly be injured. If nothing else, I anticipated bloodied knuckles (I still have the scars from last year’s parade). This would have seriously injured a younger, less experienced student of mine - and would have had lasting mental consequences. Especially done in a public setting like a parade. A lot of people think the boards we break are fake or styrofoam. McDojos might do that, but my club has a history of hard, traditional-style training. Our boards are half inch pine. They’re easier to break, but they still hurt.

“fuck, this is hard without painkillers... this without painkillers or weed?... ugh, my day is gonna be way harder than it should be.”

[In response to my boyfriend’s question of ‘what can I do to make it better?’]: “Naw, I’m good, it’s just me complaining. Don’t mind me, it’s fine. Just complaining about it makes it easier to deal with the pain.”

There’s a definite sense of irritation that I can’t do my usual activities to reduce tension in my neck. I can’t shake my head quickly, my neck mobility is limited, I’m getting tension pains in my left trap now, great.

When I’m in consistent, low-level pain, I often forget to breathe. When deep breathing pulls on the muscles in the shoulder due to how all the torso muscles connect, it makes it even worse.

Okay, legit tho, I’m starting to feel bummed out. So I’mma go throw myself into work.

Again, this is something I did to myself. A lot of my online friends don’t get why I’m so dedicated to this. But I’ve noticed martial artists all react to my injuries with the same reaction I have - sympathetic, but ultimately we’re a bunch of testosterone-ridden fools who like to brag about battle scars. And then ask for heat packs or back rubs ‘cause we’re bunches of teddy bears when we’re not fighting each other.

Anyways, legit this could probably turn into a series for me. I tend to be the whumpee or the caretaker in a lot of scenarios. 

Is this something y’all are good with? Would you prefer this be formatted differently? Anything else you want to know? Otherwise I’mma keep doin’ it just like this.

[tcsnextgen]

What would a meeting between London and Vic look like, hypothetically ?

(Warning: It’s a bit rambl-ey and I’m drifting off at some point but that’s only because this is such a cool question and I had to use it at a prompt, lol! :D)

Fun thing is that London and Vic will actually meet, soooo that meeting ain’t even hypthetical. :D

I feel that London will be the driving force when it comes to Rory “breaking up” with Vic. Not because she’s jealous but because she sees things he doesn’t see. Even after some years in the streets, she’s still a woman believing in love and affection after all.

Right at this point, I see Rory and Vic being quite in the “middle” of their thing. One, maybe two weeks into it. They might be in one of the pubs around (read as: one of the few pubs Rory and his crew aren’t banned from yet, lol... and EVERYONE needs a fave pub in my universe), and suddenly there’s this tiny woman, clad in laque and lace, very obviously one of those girls, at their table.

“You look like a man in need of special service!” the lady grins cheekily and now makes herself comfy next to Rory, just like that.

Vic is appalled. Gasping for air a little, she gives her a look that says “Uhm, Lady, excuse us...?”, absolutely ready to kill both of them with looks because Rory just smiles at the intruder now and gives her a kiss to the corner of her mouth, which she returns.

“Where have you been for the past three weeks?” he asks cheerfully but instead of giving him an answer, the lady takes a glance at Vic now.

“Ah, I’d love to tell you but I’m a little scared to speak ‘cause Blondie here apparently wants me dead in a ditch.”

Rory now looks at Vic, suddenly realising how disconcerting the moment must be to her. “Oh. OH. Uhm, you- you can stop lookin’ at her like that, she’s just an old friend-”

“What? I’m far more than that.” his ‘old friend’ interrupts him.

“-and the most annoying person in the world.” Rory concludes with a nod.

“There you go. I am London. And please, please stop looking at me like you want to murder me, he’s all yours, really, I can’t stand him anyway.”

Still a bit irritated but slowly realising that... London apparently didn’t mean any harm, Vic relaxes a bit.

“Can I call you ‘Blondie’?” London now asks quite cheerfully.

The irritation instantly comes back and Vic draws her eyebrows together. “What? No, you can’t!”

“’Barbie’, then?”

“What- no!”

She must be the most annoying person in the world indeed.

“Just tell her yer name or she’ll never shut up.” Rory now yawns and he takes another sip from his beer.

“It’s Vic. My name’s Vic.” Vic lets out a sigh.

“Oh, short for ‘Victoria’?”

“Quite obviously.”

“That’s a beautiful name. Look, Vic, I really didn’t mean to piss you off. I haven’t seen this bugger here for a while but if you want we can do the catching up another time.”

Both her and Rory now look at her, apparently expecting an answer.

Vic really wishes for London to leave but she doesn’t want to appear catty either. As much as she liked him, her and Rory haven’t defined what their thing is about so far and she feels she can’t just send an ‘old friend’ of his away like that.

She suppresses a sigh.

“No, it’s okay. Stay. I bet you two have a lot of stuff to talk about.” She forces a smile and checks her phone. “Actually, I should head back to my hostel anyway.”

“Naw, c’mon Vic, it’s not even nine.” Rory protests.

“Yeah, stay with us, it’s gonna be fun!” London agrees.

“No, no it’s alright. It’s fine. Charlie picks me up tomorrow at ten. Shopping marathon. Girl talk. I need every bit of energy for that.” Forcing another smile, Vic gets up and picks up her bag.

“You sure?” Rory asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m sure.”

“If that’s what you want?” He bites his lip. “See you around, then?”

“Sure.” Vic gives him a last smile and puts some money on the table for her drink. “Bye. Have fun.” she mumbles before she eventually leaves the pub.

Both Rory and London look after her. Once Vic is out of sight, London turns to her friend.

“Really? I leave you alone for three weeks and you’re fucking Barbie now? Now that’s an upgrade.”

Rory smiles at her. “I missed you, too.”

“How tall is she even? Man, I’d kill to have tits like hers. Have you seen her tits? Why, stupid me, of course you have. Up close, I’d guess. ”

“You done?”

“How’d you find her anyway?”

“‘t was the other way round, more or less.” Rory answered truthfully.

“Where’s she from? She’s hardly from here. Sounded like a yank to me.”

“Boston.”

“And what would she want from you? I mean, she looks like cute little birds help her get dressed in the morning, if you catch my drift.”

“So many fuckin’ questions.” Rory moans.

“And what is it with you two? Oh boy, she really did want to murder me for a second, wow. Does the infamous Rory Jameson have a girlfriend now?”

Rory gives London a look, one that says “Will you finally stop talking?”, but London doesn’t even think about doing that.

“You know I won’t leave you alone until you tell me at least something.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Rory groans and rolls his eyes. “She’s an extended friend of my family and she’s on... what the fuck ever they call that shit over the pond. Summer Break or so.”

“How high school!” London beams.

“College.” Rory corrects her.

“Oh, phew, that would make her at least eighteen. Seriously, Rory, what the hell? What do you want with an American college kid as a girlfriend?”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Does she know that as well?”

“Of course she knows.” Rory snaps at her. “She ain’t fuckin’ stupid.”

London gives him a weird smile but she nods and apparently accepts his answer. The two now sit in silence for a few moments. Rory holds his glass in both of his hands now, lost in his thoughts, until London speaks up again. “I’ll leave you alone now. I’ll come by tomorrow, alright? I missed you.”

The two of them say goodbye and I think that Vic and London will see each other for about two or three more times, and Vic will be slightly irritated but London eventually “wins her over” with some occasional “girl talk”. She also tones her manners down a bit - pissing of Rory and his friends might be fun every once in a while but the girls gotta stick together after all.

London always pays close attention to Vic and she sees what Rory simply fails to see. She sees the looks she gives him. She sees how she tries to be casual about everything but London knows that Vic must already be daydreaming of the moment when she has to go home again. About Rory seeing her off last minute at the airport, assuring her he can be a better person, for her and only for her, promising her that they will stay in touch until they will have the chance to see each other again and figure things out.

At some point, she will tell him exactly that. They are on their way back from town, late at night, and hey sit on a railing at an old and abandoned playground, sharing a joint.

Rory brushes the sentiment off. “She knows it ain’t for eternity. She’s having fun, for fuck’s sake, Lon, let her have some fun, she ain’t no baby.”

“It’s so fucking embarrassing how little you know about women.” London scoffs. “The gal has massive heart eyes for you. I know those looks. I have given many of those looks myself and never realised that I was led on the entire time.”

“I am not leading her on!” Rory cuts her off, his voice harsh and with a warning undertone.

“I’m not sayin’ you are, sweetie, but I know that girls like her- oh man. Rory. Girls that age have hopes and dreams, no matter how much they pretend otherwise. Trust me, she’s already pickin’ her damn wedding dress in mind.”

Rory takes another drag and he ponders what London just said.

“She doesn’t deserve this, Rory.” London’s voice is soft now.

“It was her who started it. I never did anything she didn’t want-”

“Of course you didn’t. That’s the problem. You’re such a brooding gentleman, those adventure-seeking college girls are bound to fall for you.”

“You never fell for me.” Rory now laughs and gives London a little nudge and she chimes in laughing.

“I was never like her. My hopes and dreams got shattered a long time ago. Besides, you’re too short anyway.”

“So what am I supposed to do, according to you?” he asks after a while.

���Set her free. Give her a chance. It’s almost over anyway, she’ll be gone in a few days. She’s strong and smart, she’ll heal.”

And that’s when Rory realises that there’s something he has to do. Very soon. He has never meant for any of these things to happen, he merely leaned back and enjoyed the ride but now that he gives the whole situation another thought, he figures that his friend is right. Jeez, she’s always right about these things. If she could only see how smart she actually is. He’s going to do it the next time Vic seeks him out. Every word of his feels like a stab to Vic’s heart until it finally tears apart, he is going to see it in her eyes.

It’s fascinating. After ten years in the streets and knowing all kinds of people at that point, he still has to learn some things. Lesson learned today: Girls have hopes and dreams. Destroy them and you might destroy a life.

He will think of it the next time a pretty young lass makes eyes at him. He will stay with his kind from now on. It really is for the better.

[hermionesterrier]

More Than Human: Chapter 9 Liveblog Pt. 2!

Something about it made her look very feminine, and Butch held his breath a little longer before exhaling. He stared at her awhile, then realized she had just asked him something. 

He lets her playfully shove him. He's not even high but he's letting her think he is. He thinks it's the only way she'll open up to him. But he's watching her and observing her and he's focusing on every little move she makes. He's so painfully aware of her presence, of her proximity. He's thinking about how easy it would be to kiss her right then and there and he's careful enough not to blow the smoke he knows she doesn't like in her face. Oh Butch....he's so head over heels for her that it's just painfully obvious at this point.

Those quiet Green moments are part of the reason why I'm so in love with this ship. It doesn't need big love gestures to be epic. The text just lets them...be. The writing for them specifically is so unique that they make every scene they're in comforting yet electrifying. Kudos to SBJ 💚 PLEASE DON'T TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME

BOOMER WANTS BUBBLES TO SING AND PLAY FOR THE BOTH OF THEM I'M C R Y I N G

Protective Brick, battling the creeps away, one glare at a time xD

AHAHAHAHAHAHA BLOSSOM WANTS TO LICK BRICK OMG

BRICK AND BLOSSOM KISSING. HE. KISSED. HER. KISSSING. I CAN'T. DEAD. SEND. HELP. I REPEAT. BRICK AND BLOSSOM K I S S I N G!!!!!!!!

I am commenting from the grave kbye

Brick's gonna be very upset the guys ate his cereal

Despite the length, her hair still curled in circular, wavy patterns against the carpet, like black ink on a blank canvas. Butch is very artisty when it comes to his Buttercup thoughts isn't he xD

This scene KILLS ME I AM TALKING FROM THE GRAVE RN OKAY I CAN'T WITH THIS DAMN CHAPTER

Butch completely fascinated with Buttercup like wow too fucking cute

Mitch had said that they'd never done anything worth mentioning, which sounded stupid to Butch. He didn't understand how any guy could stand to keep his hands off her when Buttercup looked like this. Except him. But Butch was different. He didn't know how, but he was different. Uh huh sure Butch. It's definitely not you who can't stop staring at her and you're tooootally not attracted to her that you actually have to force yourself to stop looking nopppe not at alllll

Reds are a mess...more so Brick tho hehehehe 

Fuck it begins...watch as I curl into a ball and wrench my own heart out...

SHE IS SO HAPPY SO FUCKING HAPPY I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS NOPE SORRY NO

Buttercup, after a horrified moment's contemplation, reached for Blossom's glass of milk and sniffed it. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Smooth Bubbles lol xD

"No part of my brain is in that girl's body, I swear." The suspicion is real tho hahahahahaha

Awww @ the boys showing genuine concern over Brick ❤

Yea sure Brick because hormonal kissing totally normally shifts the earth like something heavenly and puts puzzle pieces into place like duh ofc....fucking idiot gives me headaches why are boys so stupid?

Boomer & Butch barged into Brick's room to keep him company and cheer him up with some weed even though they don't know what's wrong with him SINCERE BROTHERLY MOMENTS ARE MY BREAD AND BUTTER OKAY

Oh my god Blossom is so hopeful and waiting and making excuses for him and it's breaking my fucking heart 

This part is so triggering for me ngl I fucking hate it

FUCK YOU BRICK FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID PLAN HOW DARE YOU GIVE HER HOPE JUST TO CRUSH IT LIKE THAT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

SOMEONE HOLD BLOSSOM PLEASE THIS IS TOO PAINFUL I'M NOT OKAY

Crying does help

How could he ask her to just forget a moment in her life that was one of the happiest she'd ever experienced? I thought, she started, and then tried to stop, but it finished itself. I thought he liked me. FUCK MY LIFE I AM BAWLING

Oh man Buttercup's so concerned and Blossom's trying to get herself together and fuck I can't handle this

Stop stop STOP THIS FUCKING HURTS PLEASE STOP

Is it wrong that I feel just as betrayed and excluded as Buttercup? I feel so much for Blossom but that's her sister! And it's really unfair to exclude her like that especially since she knows she went through her own emotional breakdown after Mitch so she would understand....she IS her sister too :/ i'm very protective shhh

"...Okay. Is she okay?" Both of his brothers looked up at him. "Who?" Butch said sharply. "Is who okay?" Brick stared at Boomer, wide-eyed, one hand still on the doorknob. Can we just take a moment to deduce that Butch was definitely asking if Buttercup's okay? He got worried about Buttercup and no one can convince me otherwise nope na uh....AND BRICK YOU FUCK YOU BETTER BE WORRIED ABOUT BLOSSOM

And the first person Buttercup chooses to go vent to is....? #besties

Butch's "Whoa, whoa, whoa" totally reminded me of Noah Centineo, that's like his catchphrase! Anyone else think he'd make an awesome Butch? I already casted him in my head sorry not sorry xD

Buttercupppp :'(

Brick suddenly hated himself, more than anything. GOOD YOU SHOULD

IT'S THE ASTEROID SCENES I AM CHOKING GREENS WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME I SWEAR I LOVE THEM AND THESE SCENES SO FUCKING MUCHHHHH

Oh he's pissing her off real good oh god

A+ to Butch for instinctively knowing exactly what she needed 💚

"No boys are smart when it comes to girls." Truer words have never been spoken

"Why doesn't he like me?" Blossom mumbled, her tone childlike, plaintive. / Instead she kissed her sister on the forehead and whispered, "To Hell with him. I like you." I AM FUCKING C R Y I N G this is one of my absolute F A V O R I T E sister moments it is FUCKING PAINFUL AND BEAUTIFUL AND BUBBLES LET ME LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER ❤❤❤

Buttercup panted for breath, her muscles aching and joints sore. Butch was draped on top of her, his elbows shaking as he propped himself up; he, too, was panting. Her fist opened against his stomach, skimming along the tense muscle before gliding over that chest of his, rising and falling in an incessant, almost calming pattern of movement. She bumped her forehead against his shoulder as she pressed her cheek to his sweaty neck and whispered, "Thanks. I needed that." I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE SBJ I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE :D this totally threw me off the first time I read it ahahahahahaha panting sweaty touching muscle aching greeeeens *_*

I love how after they beat the shit out of each other they still have to make sure the other's okay xD

A small, slow smile worked its way onto his face. She watched it form, almost mesmerized at the gradualness with which it appeared. Like how Butch stared at her smile in those photos and videos? Is this his head over heels in love smile? :D

"Don't see your bra showing." "I like to let it all hang out there, you know." That cracked me up hehehehe

Butch actually apologizing for staring at a pretty girl's boobs? That's a first xD

SHE SAW THE STARS REFLECTED IN HIS DEEP GREEN EYES LIKE WHO THINKS THAT ABOUT SOMEONE THEY CONSIDER "ONLY A FRIEND" HUH???

Butch reeeeeally doesn't like her hair long...and what it represents to him.

This whole scene is everything okay like they're just (ironically considering what they'd just finished doing) so fucking gentle with each other and so quietly comfortably touchy and total comfort zone like I LOVE EVERY LITTLE THING ABOUT THIS SCENE E V E R Y T H I N G greeeeeens 💚💚💚

Yup Buttercup knows, Blossom. She gets it. She understands

I'm better than that, she thought again, jaw set and face hard. I'm stronger. DAMN STRAIGHT LEADER GIRL!

Oh my god Brick fuck off and grow up! You chose to reject the best thing that's ever happened to you so deal with the consequences....idiot.

I still feel bad for him even though I harp on him so much ngl xD BUT WTF IS WRONG WITH HIM LIKE HE'S ACTUALLY UPSET THAT SHE DOESN'T LOOK MORE UPSET WHAT DO YOU EXPECT YOU EGOTISTICAL MORON WTFFFF

Only Blossom would use the 3 day rule to force her sisters into doing their homework hehehehe

Brick you grinch, leave the Blues alone not everyone has to be as miserable as you are.

Brick almost went after him, ready to beat some God damn sense into him, because fuck, what did Boomer know? What did he know about anything? He didn't get that this was all his stupid teenage emotions getting in the way of rational thought, that he was blinded by affection for her, and she had no idea, she wasn't looking at him, she wasn't talking to him, no matter if she was only doing exactly what Brick had suggested they do— STOP PROJECTING YOUR ISSUES ONTO THE BLUES YOU ASSHOLE YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF AND BROKE MY BABY'S HEART....this was so well done and human though kudos sbj :D

Wait is that the first time Boomer's said the L word seriously? B A B I E S

"Something tells me Brick's not going to get a lot of things," Bubbles said cheerfully. Like a girlfriend. Shots fired :D

Oh my god Boomer is KILLING MEEEEEE LITTLE BOY BLUE LET ME HUG YOU

He's so insecure and he feels like not even Bubbles trusts him to be strong enough to handle shit. I see where he's coming from and him being so upset is making me so upset :'(

She hadn't realized how much of a little boy Boomer was, how much he bought into this idea that he was the dumb one who couldn't do anything, to the point where he assumed everyone thought that of him and resented them for it. :'(((

He is a little boy who actually doesn't know any better. Man the boys' upbringing was so messed up and they're still teenagers.

BUT SHE DIDN'T TELL HIM TO GO HOME AND HE FOLLOWED HER ANYWAY AWWWW BUTCH YOU BIG SOFTIE 💚

Aaaand Boomer told Bubbles. Now the only one who doesn't know about JS Inc. is the one who probably shouldn't know....I feel like this is gonna blow up when she finally finds out.

SAY BYE TO YOUR MULLET BRICK AHAHAHAHAHAHA

All the haircuts though...symbol for the boys' character evolution or a big change coming up?

ROBIN WEARING MIKE'S JACKET!!! I love these little throwaways for them. THOSE TWOOO ❤

Sidenote: 3 guesses who Mike was looking for in the prom chapter :D

Watch as Brick turns into a big baby craving attention *rolls eyes*

"I'd rather kiss Brick than you," Butch sniped at Boomer. "Holy crap, I'd pay twice as much to see that happen!" Buttercup shouted, raising both hands, and the rest of the girls whooped and hollered. HOLY SHIT YESSSS PLEEEEASE GIMME *_*

I would also pay to see Butch and Buttercup kiss just putting that out there...

Buttercup's inner panic at the possibility that Butch might kiss her tho xD

HER SHOULDERS GOT TENSE WHEN BUTCH KISSED ANOTHER GIRL TELL ME THAT ISN'T A SIGN OF JEALOUSY I FUCKING DARE YOU

Butch licked his lips thoughtfully. "Cherry soda." He winked at Julie as he sat down, and as Buttercup stared furtively at him it seemed to her that he was avoiding meeting her eyes. Hmmm am I overthinking or is Butch feeling kind of...guilty or ashamed that he kissed someone else?

Coincidence or use of powers that Butch's spin landed squarely on Buttercup?

SHE'S DOING IT! SHE'S ACTUALLY FUCKING DOING IT OH MY GODDDD THAT'S SO LIT HOLY SHIT

A few of the other guys voiced their hearty thanks to him. Butch, meanwhile, stared at the full bowl, the image of Buttercup's jaw, open wide and with her cheeks slightly sucked in, playing over and over again in his memory. He suddenly felt a strong, strong craving for cherries. SCREAMS INCOHERENTLY!!!!!!!

Buttercup kisses Brick. Was talking about Brick contemplating the kiss with my best friend (shoutout! 💚). She was saying she's hoping it doesn't turn into a cheesy love triangle or some shit like that but I really don't think SBJ will travel down that road....hopefully xD

Butch is pisssssed af hehehe...wonder if this will come back later.

Let Him come, Bubbles thought, her face hardening for a second, for one brief moment where she forgot to keep it inside, to herself. He can bring it. Let Him try. She focused on Boomer's bright expression, on that happy smile, and summoned up a cheer. Let Him come, she thought again. Her hands tensed, gripping the cushion of the couch. He won't take Boomer from me. I won't let Him. I swear to God, I swear, if He lays a hand on Boomer, if He so much as touches a single hair on his head, I swear I will make Him regret it. I am very much looking forward to that point in the future where Bubbles goes all ~haaardcooore on Him's ass to protect Boomer :D

TEENAGERS HAVING FUN YAYYY

That ended on a pretty depressing note though :(

AND NOW COMES THE NEWEST CHAPTER THAT I HAVEN'T READ YET

God help me when I'm done with it because I will probably be a m e s s

Time for you to join the dark side!

[shinygoku]

CutCat’s Favourite Disney Animated Canon

I’m pretty sure everyone and their grandma has already written something along the lines of “Disney was a big part of my childhood” before divulging into some bigass essay. This won’t be much different lmao

But still, I’m not making an objective list, it’s coloured by my own experiences watching the films. Some old Classics won’t even make the Top Ten because I personally didn’t get particularly into them. My favourite may or may not be the best across the board.

Also yeah, I’m not touching on all Fiftysomething films, I’m actually just gonna start with the Top Ten and whittle them down to the last one standing. I haven’t seen all of them so ones I may really dig, like Moana, hafta wait until I can judge for myself. I’ll try to cover all the things I’ve listed, even if it’s as they’ve been eliminated.

This may even be fun for other people to do, maybe!

We’ll return to our scheduled programming after the Cut! 😺✂

Ok I lied, I’ll list the Top 10 and then mention things that didn’t get quite that far, but it won’t take long.

TOP 10

(In order of release, not preference)

Pinocchio

Alice in Wonderland

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

The Little Mermaid

Beauty and the Beast

Aladdin

The Lion King

Mulan

Frozen

Zootopia

Honourable Mentions: Spider-Man: Homecoming (isn’t Disney Animated Canon even though it’s Marvel and therefore Disney lol), Epic Mickey as the story and gameplay and atmosphere is really great, but it’s a game instead of an animated film, and Sleeping Beauty. SB misses out because while the Animation is gorgeous and the Fairies and Maleficent are fantastic characters, the human leads drag it down.

Anyway, time to half that list! Same ordering rules as before:

TOP 5

Pinocchio

Alice in Wonderland

The Little Mermaid

Beauty and the Beast

Aladdin

Yeah, that’s right! The Lion King is already out! I know, I’m a fraud!!

Ok so like, I’m very much a cat person and I do love the film. Top 10 is still respectable! But hoo boy, I love the first act and the Celestial Mufasa scenes, but the middle and in some ways the climax kinda let it down for me. And I’m not fond of Timon and Pumbaa. Timon most of all. tsk tsk

But anyway, before I crossed off TLK, the CGI films were shed and I’m never going to fully get over the death of traditional animation. Frozen and Zootopia are both hella rad but their success also feel like even more nails in Hand-drawn animation’s coffin. Imagine what those films would be like, drawn...! Woaaah

WtP and Mulan are also not to be sneezed at, accomplishing very different narrative but doing both so well. I just feel that Pooh’s 3-shorts format kinda disqualifies it from being my favourite Disney Story and while Mulan is so great, it just lacks something that keeps the others firmly placed. I dunno, it’s more of a gut feeling than a well reasoned argument, lol

Time for 2 more eliminations! Now we’re left with:

TOP 3

Pinocchio

Beauty and the Beast

Aladdin

Alice in Wonderland may not be the most faithful adaptation, but I don’t care. I’ve read both the original books and the main thing Disney does is to discard Through the Looking Glass while taking a couple of small parts of that and putting it into Wonderland. It’s very pretty, very funny and Alice is a likable protagonist, even as Wonderland’s wackiness tries to wear her down.

The Little Mermaid was always something I liked, but never quite as much as, say, Beauty and the Beast. Even with the gorgeous Underwater Aesthetics, which I’m very fond of, didn’t quite make it. Though actually I like it more now than I did before, knowing Eric is voiced by Christopher Daniel Barnes, who did the 90s Spider-Man!! :D

Ok, things are heating the heck up in the list, only two seperate cuts left to make~

The surviving films, for now, are:

TOP 2

Pinocchio

Beauty and the Beast

Yep! Bye-bye, Aladdin, Bye-Bye~

Ok this actually annoys me a bit though lmao

Aladdin would have a really damn good shot as my favourite. It’s colourful, it’s hilarious, it’s compelling! It! It... kinda traumatised me a bit as a young girl and I still feel distinctly uncomfortable about the scene in question even today. It poisons the whole damn film for me as I hafta deal with dread as I watch it. That sucks!!

Objectively, it’s amazing, but as I said, this is my Personal List, so it loses heavy points based on that.

Ok, now the hardest part. Picking between the last two.

I didn’t start this list because I already had a choice picked, I did it because I was curious which I do dig the most.

...

For a long time, if I was asked I’d usually go ‘Uhhhhh Beauty and the Beast, I think!’.

But while B and the B is brilliant and breathtaking and ...uhhh.... bombastic, part of it winning was by default (The two sweetest words in the English Language!)

Y’see, I feel, as a whole, for some curious reason, we forget about Pinocchio.

Ok that’s enough commas for now. But it’s weird! Pinocchio was hot on the heels of Snow White, the big show starter! It’s better than Snow White!! It’s actually rated the highest of all the D.A.C. on Rotten Tomatoes! Critics and normal audience alike love it!

So how come no one talks about it? I can see why it got overlooked in 1940, what with a large and notable war happening, but I literally never come across any Meta or Discussion about it or the themes or the look--

I’m gonna properly talk about it in a sec though, hahaa

So! Beauty and The Beast! An old favourite and nearly top dog in my esteem. It has it all, catchy songs, interesting characters, stunning designs, a whole load of Youtubepoops using footage from it. But it does not have Stockholm Syndrome, you foolish buffoons. Belle only starts to develop feeling for Beast after he becomes less Beastly. THAT’S THE POINT OF THE STORY. BEAST HAS! TO! CHANGE!!

And overall it does a damn good job at this~

Ok, so we already know the winner but it deserves a bit of fanfare for actually doing so well!

NUMBER 1!

TOP DISNEY ANIMATED CANON FILM

(ACCORDING TO CUTCAT) :

PINOCCHIO

I love Pinocchio so, so much!

And not just the film as a whole, the character too! Which is a very important factor here. I’m not saying the rejected films didn’t have strong characters, not at all! But this ties in with the Forgotten sort of vibe I get from the lack of buzz with this film.

Quick! Think of a scene from Pinocchio! Just one, if you can manage it.

Now, I may be way off with my presumption here, but was it the thing about his nose growing when he lies? Or was it maybe his desire to become a Real Boy™?

If you thought of any other moment, my kudos to you. It’s just, I feel that pop culture as a whole likes to harp on those points, which are either one short [but yeah, memorable] scene and the ultimate goal. And not to point fingers, but heck, why not. I blame Shrek a good deal for this, as those are the only memorable traits from their version of him. This may sound unfair, Dreamworks are doing a different take on the same character that Disney didn’t create but instead adapted from a book, but that’s mostly reflected in the vastly different designs (as in Shrek!Pinocchio looks closer to the original book version), but on the other hand Shrek started off by riffing on what Disney did and then kind of mutated into what they were mocking after the second film. Oops.

While mentioning the book, I do not give a rat’s ass that Disney’s version deviates as much as it does, they improved every point adapted. I also really can’t imagine the film doing nearly so well if it had the creepyass vibe for the main character. Marionettes are freaky, dude.

Anyway, that’s another of Pinocchio’s strengths! He looks and sincerely is Adorable! I’m gonna paste in a quote by Milt Kahl about this:

I was quite critical of ... I have a knack for alienating people by being a little bit outspoken, and they were rather obsessed with the idea of this boy being a wooden puppet. My God, they even had this midget who did the voice for "call for Phillip Morris" as the voice for a while, and it was terrible. I was rather outspoken about it. Why didn't they forget that he was a puppet and get a cute little boy, you can always draw the wooden joints and make him a wooden puppet afterwards. And Ham Luske said, "Well, why don't you do something about it, do a scene," and I did one. What I don't remember is whether they had a new voice by then or not. Probably they did have; I don't know. I did a scene of Pinocchio underwater with the jackass ears, knocking on a shell of an oyster, saying, "Pardon me, can you tell me where I can find Monstro the whale?" The shell closed up and caused a swell in the current, which affected Pinocchio. I made kind of a cute little boy out of him, and Walt loved it; this was actually my big chance. It was my move into being one of the top animators.

Pretty cool, huh? Before this, Walt has stopped production as he didn’t like what was being made. They were putting an awful lot into making the lead so loveable! I’m paraphrasing better accounts of this, but if you’re interested I do suggest looking into such!

But maybe I oughta get back on track, lord knows this rambling mess is long enough already ;v;;; I just get interested by some of the behind the scenes workings, y’know~

-

Like I touched on earlier, I think a problem is that people forget there’s more to Pinoke than his extendo nose and urge to Become Real. He’s very sweet and well meaning, but with the snag of being too trusting and gullible. He’s easy to misread as being Too Dumb To Live, but he’s very curious and does visibly learn and develop as the story goes on.

The other lead, Jiminy Cricket, is really great! He adds charm in the darkest moments and helps prevent the sweet scenes from being too sugary. He’s a great mediator and pretty good Conscience, too, he just happens to be in the wrong place a couple of times, which is the nature of the story’s structure lol

The supporting characters are really good, too! You really feel for Gepetto and damn that dude puts a lotta work into his wares! Figaro and Cleo are really cute and play off each other well.

Special shout out to Figaro for managing to get into shorts as Minnie Mouse’s pet lmao. I’m pretty sure that kitten has influenced the way I draw cats too, pff

And the villains? Holy shit, this film is teeming with bad guys, and the cut we see has none of them getting punishment onscreen.... yikes

Ok, so not to sound like Youtube Clickbait vids made by a talentless hack, but BOY! This film is dark! hahahaa

So like, my favourite Bad Guys from here, Honest John and Gideon are the tamest and most funny, but they sell Pinocchio into slavery twice. Hhhaaaaa...

The way Stromboli alternates from humorous and jovial to screaming and stomping about abruptly is frightening. Dude slams Pinoccino in a bird cage and says how he’s gonna work our boy Pinoke pretty much until our puppet pal perishes

The Coachman....... there’s a theory going around that he’s like an evil counterpart of The Blue Fairy, how he punishes bad boys by having them turn into Donkies he can then sell to mines and circuses. They never come back... AS BOYS!! [shuddering]

And Monstro is the most force-of-nature-y type of Bad Dude in the assortment but still lives up to his name! Sure, I’d be mad if someone lit a fire inside me, but are whales really known for being vengeful to the point of body slamming a cliff? Even before that, do they try to eat literally anything they see?

But yeah, it’s not just how many bad guys there are, nor how karma doesn’t strike them in a satisfying way. The stuff they’re doing and the atmosphere, it’s all legit scary

But wait! You cry!

Jeeze CutCat, why are you talking about how scary Pinocchio is when you docked points off Aladdin for frightening you?

Because, Devil’s Advocate question, the latter film is an abrupt mood whiplash moment that took me by surprise as a young, impressionable thing. I dunno how young I was when watching either film, but not only is Pinocchio consistent with plunging into the depths, but the real horror is easy enough to miss if you’re a young child. It didn’t occur to me that the boys turned into Donkies were gonna be worked to death in back breaking labour!

Anyway, Pinocchio earns the right to be spooky and has enough charm and humour in the right moments.

But ok, yeah, the Donkies. The scene where Lampwick slowly, agonisingly transforms is a damn work of creepy art. We already know the terrible secret of Pleasure Island before it starts, but actually seeing the gradual build up, the way Pinocchio can only watch in horror and then sprout ears himself and Lampwick’s screams turning into braying... it’s sure something.

The Monstro chase scene at the end is also so damn intense I subconsciously hold my breath while watching it. It’s relentless, our heroes are up against a furious gigantic whale and the merciless sea and the fucking end of that always feels like a kick in the guts. The lingering shot and musical sting hits hard.

-

But still! The movie ain’t all Nightmare Inducing!

I’ve already said I love the characters, and helping that is the impeccable voice work for everyone. The voices and little character tics make them feel so real for such a fantastical setting. I dig how the Blue Fairy is rotoscoped and realistic, which sticks her out from the rest of the cast and enhances the Other Worldliness that fairies deserve.

The animation.... boy, the animation really is something else! It was the late 30′s but they were already creating new and highly expensive techniques to make this beautiful and not only does it work, but I struggle to think of anything that can top it. Multi-plane camera establishing shots than barely last for seconds, the underwater effects with the sways and distortion, each splash and movement done by hand. Honestly this may be the most perfectly drawn movie, I’m not exaggerating. They already came so far since Snow White, it’s almost unbelievable!

Lastly, I’ll mention the music. Fucking Fantastic, is what it is! Is it any surprise that they used the tune for the Disney Vanity Plates, to this day? There’s a few songs with different memorability levels, I know Ultron is fond of the ironic I’ve Got No Strings number. I, for one, love the atmospheric use of Little Wooden Head as a recurring motif.

I really didn’t plan on my Pinocchio talk on being this long, so if you read through it all you have my gratitude. Are you surprised that it’s my favourite? I’m enchanted by it, I certainly have a weakness for sweet hearted protagonists but the film has so many good angles!

I still think it’s dang unfair that the film seems to get overlooked so much, but hopefully my daft musing might remind a couple of people that it’s certainly worth a rewatch!

[driednatural]

1.10.19

Talked about many things and couldn’t remember most of them, if I am being honest. Talked about many things for more than 5 hours, lol with sawyer. Had sex wtih sawyer, the most intimately than I ever have. I was moderately bored when we hung out today. This Sawyer--who...I was crazily fucking madly fucking obsessed as fuck with...bored me. I was bored. The sex was good in that it wasn’t preplanned as a fuck-date. It was just...a proposal to give me a few things to grow...which is an offhanded way to also propose spending time together...And so...I gave him a few looks throughout the day which might have hinted I was interested or had feelings for him, or some admiration for his beauty or his general person and he would give me a few looks back, probably knowingly, but I wasn’t sure if he was trying to communicate something to me about knowing that I wanted him to touch me. I admired his body which was muscular and smooth, nice roundness to his calves and to his arms. His skin is really smooth in his shoulder area, there, I’ve noticed. Quite beautiful. I admired him as he sat on a chair, rolling a joint, and Liz sat in front of me in front of the T.V. playing Bojack Horseman. I tried to emphasize that this moment was important to me--hey, I might never see him again--I’ve said this numerous times in my head while being with him on other occasions, so I attempted to make my eyes bigger, focus more clearly, take off my glasses to account for the color. Put my glasses back on--because he’s blurry without them, lol. Try to remember being there with him. I looked at him lovingly while he rolled, and he looked back at me--lovingly, I think. My look of love is a softening of the eyes.

During sex, I was on top but my torso was bent towards him, almost completely lain down on him. I bit into his shoulder meat, leaving slobber. I wanted to feel something lol. I like pain so sometimes I think other people do too. He probably does like some physical pain; so I tried to give it to him--tried to make us both feel something, by exaggerating what I felt. He moaned, pulled my hair--then gently. 

We have some codependent cycle, it seems. or maybe an inability to stop doing things that don’t help us. Keep seeing each other to stave loneliness or something; lonely, feel comforted, sort of by each other’s presence and shared loneliness. I dunno. I felt hazily happy at the consequence of his failing--his giving in--and also vaguely empty after he drove me to the train station, as I walked towards my train. The hazily happy feeling comes from me perceiving that he feels something towards me, even if it isn’t something strong--it is something which breaks down his prior “rules” over and over again. He didn’t really look back when he drove away. He seemed like he kinda did tilt his head slightly to look into the rear-view mirror. Maybe. I’m not sure. Felt kinda cold. I was trying to see if he would look back so I could wave goodbye--maybe that would’ve been too sweet; or I guess he just didn’t feel it. lol.

He said “I’m weird” looking over me. His face was on my right, hovering as I was laying down on his bed to the left. I was beaming in my heart. I was slightly hesitant, turning away when he said “this line keeps distracting me” referring to where my thighs and hips crease, I guess--but I don’t look and he grazes, and I still don’t look and am taken a-back by the touch. and I said “No thats good. Spontaneous” to him saying he was weird when initiating sex, because I probably said “You’re funny” and he said “why?” and I didn’t reply and maybe he sorta knew that I meant ...”this situation is funny...how we are having sex...after how many times of you telling me you would rather not have a sexual relationship with me...and its happening again”...I was beaming because I felt like I made him feel something about me--even though he’s proposed over and over again he doesn’t feel an impulse, or strongly towards me in numerous indirect ways.  I didn’t press or pause or stop him, and encouraged him instead, because I didn’t want to miss out on this opportunity. I have never not wanted to have sex with him. I don’t know. I did hesitate slightly, but dropped it, and continued to kiss. The kissing was slow, and hovering--testing, maybe--testing desire? Well, I chased. He hesitated slightly too, though he initiated, but I dunno if it was to evaluate if I wanted to continue or if he did--probably to see if I was accepting. 

Anyway, I left my black fleece jacket at his place. LOL. great. will i get it back, I wonder? Are we going to fuck again? huh. I don’t think he put much emphasis on it. I think he felt he wanted to in the moment, maybe felt close to me--amplified by loneliness and isolation, and his being attracted to me and my willingness, and my shirt riding up, and my belly showing, and me not wearing a BRA. lol....I sorta knew what game I was playing, ya know? I had makeup on, light makeup.

I noticed he is very certain of himself in the way he speaks--I began to notice flaws in how he speaks and what he is saying. Started to (maybe) recognize the unnecessary authority; too much certainty--which bothers me now, I guess. I dunno. Maybe a fleeting thing in him. He said he started to stand up for himself--so perhaps more aggressive now than usual? Or am I just hearing it now. I dunno. Started to notice where I didn’t understand before, more fully what he means.  He’s much more rationalistic than I had previously understood--so much so, that i think I may be more inclined to creativity in other ways.

[sssssssim]

So, basically. I have re-read Harry Potter (third time, after seeing the movies again, after seeing Fantastic Beasts) and took a picture of all the things that... caught my eye. Be it funny, surprising, or things that I forgot since the last re-read. 

       Let’s talk about them.

This... is going to be a very long post. It’s going to be massive. It has over 200 pictures. Enjoy!

Draco Malfoy is 11 years old and has a hella sweet tooth, that his mom encourages. 

LIKE DUDE. They really didn’t like Hermione at the begining. 

That’s... pretty ruthless, Hermione. Chill. 

I find it absolutely hilarious that Harry keeps saying Draco is his archenemy. Soooo dramatic.

This is literally what happened in Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson, Nico kept babbling on on about Percy to his father. Turned out Nico had a crush on Percy. ... Oops.

This seems so... harsh. For 11 years old. Like good god. I know everyone else’s reaction was much more interesting, the Weasleys willing to fight for Hermione, Ron -while throwing up slugs- explaining why it’s such a bad word, but I’m thinking more about how Malfoy didn’t hesitate in using it, even if he knew fully well what it meant. He had such a shitty upbringing. 

Typical Harry, to be honest.

That awkward moment when Ron is the one actually thinking things through.

Don’t get me wrong here, this is the end of the first book. He’s an 11 year old child facing off two wizard who are a lot older, trained, more powerful than him. It’s perfectly normal for him to be muttering about anyone helping him. It’s also pretty good for him to get used to saying those words so early on :))

I need this quote on a shirt.

WELL FUCK THIS FORESHADOWING

Wendelin the Weird is so very weird, but I don’t wanna kinkshame her.

That sounds like a very ... magical... porn. 

BROKEN BALLS

I really want a mirror like that. That tells me I have a thread sticking out of my sweater before I leave the house, that tells me that I forgot to comb my hair and so on. I need it. Also, it would be such a good thing for people with anxiety to have, wouldn’t it? They’d have someone/thing to talk to, prepare themselves for a social outing. 

McGonagall is something else. Bless her.

Look at Draco’s two girlfriends worrying about him.

I bet Malfoy would love Harry to... “skin his shrivelfig” *wiggles eyebrows*

This is so explaining of Hermione and Harry. She’s excited and knows the answer, while Harry is low-key hating at her and his approach on knowledge is meeeh.

Ron swears. I feel like this is an important detail. I like this detail.

I think this is Fudge speaking. Or someone similar. But, I mean... If you ever doubted that Sirius is so very fucking strong...

I am a sucker for Harry Potter AUs and I have an itch to write the Teen Wolf one with Derek as a first year :))

Snape, my man... really. Well what if his right pinky is allowed??!!!

This is it. This is everything. Not only did Hermione smack that bitch up, but everyone else’s reaction is glorious. Bless this.

You were thinking about him, eh?

(Have I mentioned that I’m reading these books with Dramione glasses now? Heh. Sorry, but I’m not sorry.)

NOW LOOK. I would kill for a Netflix series about the Marauders in highschool. I feel like their characters could be so freacking awesome! And this, this line, ‘there were near misses, many of them’. I want 5 seasons of them. Please.

The relationships Hermione makes with the grown men around her are beautiful to see. We see a bit of her and Mr. Weasley through the books. And here, Sirius and Lupin, they have hearts in their eyes for Hermione. I don’t know if it was because she reminded them of Harry’s mom, or because Hermione is just so smart and kind and strong. But either way, it’s amazing.

As I was saying. Heart eyes. 

Harry’s approach to time-travel seems pretty reasonable.

Harry, what the hell did you smoke?!

I actually do not know if normal straight boys think of other boys as ‘extremely handsome’. I mean, I don’t think they do...

Again. The grown men vs. Hermione. Bless her. I also like how Harry thinks of him as ‘Mr. Malfoy’, even is his head. It should be a sign of respect, but I think it’s more of how Malfoy is imposing and mildly terryfing.

So. One, again, Ron swearing and Harry being too proper to reproduce it. Secondly, they’re at the World Cup and the Death Eaters are there. And by this point, neither of the three even thought that Hermione was in danger because of her muggle parents. But Draco pointed it out. And while, yeah, it was said with a sneer and a clear bad intent... It was also a warning, wasn’t it? It made Ron and Harry think of protecting her. 

This hurts so much, oh my gods. And you know I’m going to be looking for what her last words to Fred were. *sniff sniff sobb sobb*

Some things never change, no matter what year you’re in or world you’re on. I don’t know about you gals, but this is something I still say. And I’m 26 years old and living in Romania.

Mrs. Weasley is... pretty... uhm... harsh. 

Ron, dude... just how fucking strong are you? This is year 4. So he’s 15 years old. Like. D U D E.

Same, Harry. Same. Mornings are awful.

I... need that book. how much is too much?

He needed Hermione, of course he did. I think one of the smartest things Harry ever did was realize that he needed Hermione.

To be honest, I have cried over Ron and Harry’s friendship several times in the past and I too would want to hug them both at the same time. 

This is still the best line ever said in these books. 

Remember that time everyone’s jaw dropped over how good Hermione looked at the Yule Ball? Including Draco? Yeah, fun times.

Another brilliant life quote.

I TOTALLY FORGOT about the part where during the Triwizard Tournament, Hermione recieved hate mail because people thought she was double-teaming Harry and Krum.

NIFFLERS !!!

Siblings. <3

Sirius, you adorkable man, that is the cutest thing ever. That, and the fact that when the kids are talking about you and they don’t want everyone else to know they’re talking about you, they don’t call you Padfoot, they call you Snuffles. And you don’t mind it. Snuffles!!! Snuffles and his paw. AWH.

“Friendly reminder” that Cedric was tortured by Krum, just a little bit before he was killed.

uhm

iconic

Remember that time when Harry used just the fleeting thought of Hermione and Ron to conjure a full bodied patronus?

So much snark. So much funny. So much Harry-ness and Lupin-ness.

Harry. Calm the actual fuck down.

This echange, it hurts a whole freacking lot if you think about Sirius’s last words to Harry in the movie.

Such an interesting thing, Mrs. Weasley and Sirius fighting over who is more entitled to take care of Harry.

YEAH Look at Ginny! And look at her big brothers acknowledging her awesomeness.

Favorite cousin. Oh boy. That hurts mildly. ... How happy would have Sirius been that Lupin and Tonks got married? Oh boy. That hurts violently. 

Sirius is just a slightly older teenager. ‘snogging a pair of my father’s old trousers’. Lol. Just. Lol.

Yes, he’s talking to Harry. And yes, it’s one of the best descriptions of Harry ever.

Does getting off not mean the same thing in the UK? Why are they celebrating Harry masturbating ?! I can’t help but thing of Captain America: Winter Soldier and Steve is in an elevator filled with men, and his lips move to the words Before we start, does anyone wanna get off?, and the audio says get out and honestly.

Do people still insist that Ron is stupid? Cause Harry sure doesn’t think so.

Seriously. Marauders Netflix series. 5 seasons. Gimme.

This scene went on with Mrs. Weasley seeing her entire family, the twins TOGETHER, Harry and Hermione. I was sobbing alongside her, tbh.

Sirius is a slightly older child. 

Oh look! Ginny getting Luna and Neville together. How sweet ^.^

SO MANY THINGS HERE. Harry’s humor. Neville being amused by it. Neville’s self-deprecation. Ginny sticking up for him. Luna’s straightforwardness. 

Harry discovering what it’s like to be the third wheel in a lover’s spat.

Hermione rebelling against the system is a thing of beauty, really. Cinnamon roll thinks of nothing but murder all day.

This is a scene I remembered from the first time I read the books. And it’s still just as glorious now as it was then.

BOWTRUCKLES. 

I know they’re talking about giants but PENIS.

Of course her frostiness seemed to melt when she looked up at Ron. I like how Harry is slowly but surely noticing things.

Ron is, however, NOT noticing things.

Lee is such an underrated character.

Not gonna lie, I want a bauble with HAVE A VERY HARRY CHRISTMAS.

Another thing I remembered. I have yet to end up in a situation in which I could have used this insult, but I’m still planning on doing it.

Fred and Sirius fighting over dying for the Order GOOD GOD THAT HURTS

I... I just... Sirius being in full Christmas mode GOOD LORD

Sirius and Lupin buying joint Christmas gifts OKAY that’s not gay AT ALL.

Just... picture this. Visualize it in your head. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Neville THRIVING in the DA god bless 

Now look I ain’t saying they shouldn’t have trusted Dumbledore. I’m just saying he sure kept a lot of things from Harry.

Ginny is a force to be reckoned with. 

Harry, dude, what the hell were you smoking before bed???

So they are allowed to sit at other tables? Why isn’t anyone else doing it?

10 life saving wizard makeup hacks

I need that on a tshirt.

Same, Hannah. Same.

Dumbledore will not stand for physical abuse. Which is kind of funny (and by that, I mean really not funny) considering how Umbridge was torturing the students with her special quills.

There we go, Harry. Now you’re starting to really see Hermione-and-Ron.

Of course he hasn’t got a bit of a saving-people-thing. *snort*

So it was Ron who found the prophecy and really, that is very fine by me. I read a theory that Ron has a bit of a Seer in him. It wouldn’t surprise me, tbh.

SO Neville went through the first five years of school with a wand that WASN’T HIS. And it wasn’t for money reasons, like Ron did. It was just his Grandma screwing up because of sentimentality. And still.... Neville passed all of his classes. And he got really good in the DA. With the wrong wand. He’s pretty amazing.

I’m making a list of people I totally forgot were tortured before the war even started. So far it’s Harry, Cedric and Neville.

Last words. Also, first time Sirius and Neville were in the same room. (and not only did Sirius know who Neville was by seeing him, but he knew his name as well. was he friends with his parents? real friends, not just members of the Order?)

Things I completely forgot happened. 

Honestly, this feels like the only flaw Dumbledore could be faulted with. It also makes me very interested to see the relationship between him and Newt. 

LET ME SCREAM THIS FROM THE TOP OF MY LUNGS SERIOUSLY WHY WAS THIS NOT ADRESSED IN THE MOVIES I’M STILL SO ANGRY

Dumbledore’s crying and I was crying because he loves Harry so much good lord help me

Amazing. Harry’s comeback power. Brilliant.

Somehow, I forgot this particularly disturbing detail: dementors let out mist when they breed. 

THE OTHER SIDE CAN DO MAGIC TOO i mean jesus christ poor bloke he’s the Prime Minister and this is way above his pay grade

Snape being polite is unnerving.

SO FUN FACT. Snape did, in fact, fool the greatest wizard, the most accomplished Legilimens the world has ever seen. And I think Narcissa Malfoy did too (I’m not sure that bit in the movie, where she lies to Voldermort about Harry being that, not sure if that’s straight from the book, I guess I’ll see)

Now look I haven’t read The Cursed Child yet, but it is my understanding that... Voldermort shares most thing with Bellatrix, especially things that should stay in his pants. Right? It would explain her... behaviour. 

The dumbass seems glad. Oh lordy. MIstakes were made, by Draco. 

Dumbledore loves Harry so much because they share the same type of... snark. 

Mama bear.

I’m not sure whether I want to point out how much I love Luna’s embarrassing honesty, or Harry’s way of dealing with it. 

DO YOU EVER CRY BECAUSE YOU WANT ANOTHER Also. This is very important. That Voldermort has chosen. 

That’s so... I mean... Yeah, everyone would have loved to have been in her place but jesus Draco as a boyfriend. I can’t even picture it properly.

On one hand, poor Neville. On the other hand, bless McGonagall.

I C O N I C

also I can’t believe Harry survived this

If you ever wondered what Ginny smells like. 

That sounds incredibly kinky. 

Bless Hermione. Honestly, it would have made sense for her to end up with Harry, as well. 

Same, Hermione. Same. I never harm a new book. Old ones, sure, but never a new one.

AMAZING. This is their lives jfc. They’re teenagers and Ron is really asking this question for real. 

This was too good. I can’t deal with Ron speaking in a completely different voice. And I can’t deal with Harry’s awkwardness either. 

I like the way Harry described his MASSIVE ATTACK OF JEALOUSY

Year six, aka the year in which EVERYONE discovered they had a sex drive. 

Now, there is a discussion we need to have. WHY has Bellatrix been teaching Draco Occlumency? Also, is he good enough at it to hide from Voldermort? (Like Snape did). Cause that just goes to show how much POTENTIAL Draco had, that got flushed down the toilet because he sided with the wrong side.

I like how Fred just mildly questions it, and then moves past it. 

Hilarious. Also, reminds me of Stiles. It sounds like something he would say. 

Harry’s sweater didn’t have an H on it. 

Goes hand in hand with Hermione’s helping hand. 

I tried to count how many times Harry calls Voldermort handsome, but I couldn’t keep track. Honestly, do normal straight boys use this word so much?

Well, Harry, at least you realize you have a slight... unstraight... issue. 

Seriously. Handsome. 

The fact that Voldermort wanted to teach at Hogwarts... is both brilliant and terryfing. He also... I mean.... I am yours to command. jfc.

OH THAT EXPLAINS A LOT

She’s talking about Draco and my heart is breaking for the kid who screwed up one too many times. 

Ron is a very surprising character. Because he seems like an idiot, and he is sometimes. But other times, he’s got the brains and the street smarts to think outside the box, further than Hermione and Harry.

It just baffles me, how obsessed Harry was with Draco through this book. Granted, it was for a good reason, but at the end, Harry did spend a whole lot of time studying Draco.

The fact that Draco suffered a lot in year 6 is something you’ve accepted a long time ago. And you read the tumblr posts about it, and you see the movies. And then you go back to read the book and it just HITS YOU again, how horrible it was.

After Ginny and Harry kissed in the middle of the crowded common room. Amazing, Ron. Amazing. 

Gross sobbing, yes. Also thinking about who is them?

And Harry said the same thing about Dumbledore. And you cry and you cry because everything went to shit.

He’s talking to Draco, and Draco has to kill him and he knows it and my dear boy and I’m crying really badly.

So Draco hates Hermione pretty bad, by this point. Right? But even so, he doesn’t undermine her brains. 

HE WAS NOT GOING TO DO IT, DAMN IT

He made stupid mistakes, but he wasn’t stupid. And he was terrified. Damn it damn it damn it. SERIOUSLY NOW. I think the story would have been a lot more interesting if we saw Draco switching sides. I know there’s some sort of redemption in The Cursed Child, I’ll get to that but... it could have happened here, damn it. It should have happened here.

a most Hermione-ish look what even is that? =))

GOOD BOY, HARRY. GOOD. 

On one hand, this breaks my heart, because they were lonely. On the other hand, it warms my heart because Harry is aware of it, and because Luna and Neville dove right into danger without a second thought.

Again, I haven’t read The Cursed Child. But... flirting. ew. 

They were running from Voldermort, here. Taken into hiding. God bless Dudley Dursley.

Kinky. 

Last words.

If that would actually work... accio-ing people... i bet the Hogwarts hallways would be... chaos.

I would read three books about Tonks and Mad-Eye being Aurors.

Hermione is a the ends justify the means person. ... to an extent.

Dick jokes, god bless. 

SO. MANY. THINGS. I’m gonna focus on the fact that Ron got this from his older brothers. BLESS THAT. Siblings!!! Bros being bros, helping each other with the ladies! GOD BLESS IT. I want to see so much more of it. 

*sobbs quietly* I’m sure George witll do as you said.

So. Are we going to see Grandpa Krum in Fantastic Beasts? Also... everything is connected and the inside of JK’s head is amazingly mesmerizing. 

T H I S =)). Poor Krum just wanted to get laid =))

So. About that theory I read, where Ariana was an obscurus... After reading this. I’m like 80% sure she was. It explains a lot of things. 

Voldermort made Draco torture people. jesus christ that boy had it bad

... at least Harry sees it. At least someone saw it. 

I’m still torn about this. Because on one hand, Harry is exaggerating. But on the other hand, Dumbledore did use and manipulate Harry since the start. It was for the greater good, yes, but.... I’m torn. 

I have a feeling that a lot of wizard’s final acts have been to try to protect Harry.

This was horrible. It made Lupin do the right thing, but shit, Harry. 

I’m curious. If Harry thinks now, that Lupin and Tonks had to leave their kid.

I wanna write that quote on my ceiling.

GOD BLESS THE SILVER TRIO

Really, Harry was the worst student of the three.

So many things happened in Godric’s Hollow.

Beautiful.

WELL. I do wonder who chose that quote. 

I love these two together. They have such a beautiful relationship. And I imagine that Harry married Ginny first. And then, they’re at Hermione and Ron’s wedding. And the party’s dying down, and they’re sitting alone at a table, having a cup of tea. And Harry knocks their shoulders together and says that they’re finally family. And Hermione laughs, tells him that they’ve always been family, wedding rings or not. 

Very interesting pieces of information that we’re gonna keep an eye out for in the Fantastic Beasts movies.

I’m... 60% sure that a friendship wasn’t all they “struck”.

The question is if Grindelwald already knew about the obscurus by this point. Or if seeing Ariana dying because of it, if that is what triggered his obsession with them.

AND THIS IS WHY WE ARE GETTING FIVE FANTASTIC BEASTS MOVIES. ONE FOR EACH DELAYED YEAR.

Harry is always dramatic. It’s hilariously heartbreaking.

Harry and Hermione is a beautiful love. But Ron is just as important, damn it.

This is such a brilliant scene (I wish it wouyld have been included in the movies) because not only it defines them as individuals, but it also defines their relationship. The Golden Trio isn’t a trio because they’re alike, but because they complete each other. 

Wizard wands are like men’s penises, CONFIRMED

Beautiful and heartbreaking tbh

This was very interesting to me, because it was not included in the movies, and I forgot it. This choice that Harry had, Horcruxes or Hallows, it wasn’t presented like this. Neither was the fact that he did, eventually, mastered all the Hallows.

The thing is, Harry and Voldermort were similar, in some ways. And after they got inside each other’s heads, and got to know each other. I think that’s the only reason Harry was able to defeat Voldermort in the end. Harry understood him, but Voldermort didn’t understand Harry.

Teddy is a metamorphmagus. That’s gotta be fun.

Very straight, Harry.

Did Grindewald actually care for Albus Dumbledore? Or was he only interested in the obscurus? I really wanna know.

Neville never lost his faith, god bless.

Neville was brilliant, really. Everyone, including Harry, underestimated him.

Neville, Luna and Ginny were all raised in wizarding households. It’s nice to know that graffiti isn’t just a muggle thing.

I honestly believe that Voldermort would have been defeated with Neville as the Chosen One. It would have gone very differently, but the wizarding world would have been saved nontheless.

He didn’t even hesitate in using an Unforgivable, because it was McGonagall. 

HIlarious. Snape, you’re hilariously dramatic.

In the movies, it was just the Order, NOT THE ENTIRE SCHOOL. And Pansy was a dumbass bitch, yes, but she was terryfied. I reckon all the Slytherins were terryfied.

No it wasn’t. Damn it.

Harry, ever the third wheel. Amazing.

Fred’s last words this is so not fine

I think this explains their “post-war relationship” pretty beautifully

First of all, Sev. Second of all, she started pushing him away because he started hanging with Death Eaters.

MY GOD HOW MUCH DOES THIS HURT? LIKE A WHOLE LOT FUCKITYFUCK

The fact that Harry defeated Voldermort with Draco’s wand. That feels important to me. 

Luna is a gift.

That, Harry, is the biggest understatement ever.

19 years later, and Harry is still checking Draco out.

I CAN’T GIVE A PROFESSOR LOVE

I have a feeling Ron is a great, fun dad.

YOU HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR, YOU’RE AMAZING          SO HERE, HAVE A COUPLE OF BONUSES                   FROM THE CURSED CHILD

THEY JUST MET and they’re already flustered good god

Honestly, that’s a great way to distract someone from difficult emotional issues.

If that isn’t the gayest thing I ever read... (well there was Ronan Lynch with the lamp, but anyway)

Dumbledore owning Harry’s dumbass even after his death.

WHAT EVEN IS THIS NONSENSE oh wait it’s a fucking Flashpoint

It’s really not, tho.

. . . It’s like they took everything the fans have ever wanted, and put it in this play. 

YOU READ THIS FAR OH MY LORD YOU’RE AWESOME        HERE HAVE A MINIBONUS FROM              FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM,                      BY NEWT SCAMANDER (HARRY’S EDITION)

Never tickle a sleeping dragon.

This explains a lot, actually.

Schoolwork, in a nutshell

We musn’t forget that throughout this, they were children.

[horrible-monstrosity]

So how the fuck does the toe thing work? Macademia here is of course astoundingly far from the first series to pull out some nonsensical "evolutionary levels" thing in explaining its plot driver, but the particular way it's implemented just make it so, so much worse. So the toe joint missing is a sign of, effectively, the "next evolutionary level", as the body "streamlines" itself, and also it goes hand-in-hand with having a quirk (though we don't know if that's a 100% thing or just a very strong correlation). But with two such "evolved" parents, both having quirks and presumably supertoes, it's still possible for the kid to have the old toes (and no quirk). So Midoriya has... devolved? What? Really, if they had skipped the evolutionary-streamlining thing and just had it be an arbitrary indicator, it would have worked fine, but this is... complete nonsense.

hero ep 4 would be nice if dek did something actually smart when he was behind the others at the start instead of just running blindly behind them. even just splitting off in a different direction so he wouldn't be competing against absolutely everyone for targets or sumtin. "nothing is nobler... than SELF-SACRIFICE!" showing Deku not only with multiple decimated limbs fucking flailing in the wind like windsocks but with the fucking skin on his knuckles removed, exposing shredded raw red flesh... this is disturbing to me. How old is this kid again? Like, 13? So fucking noble Seriously, this entire plot is just somehow... brainless. Deku and AM never, at all, tried out the powers, even though not doing so puts Deku at a massive disadvantage by not knowing what he can do (leaving him paralyzed by nervousness since he's still in the mindset of being powerless... he'd likely still be a bag of nerves but it would be at least mitigated somewhat) and also not knowing what the results would be. But at the same time, for not knowing that one jump and one punch would destroy his fuckijg bones, he sure takes it damn well when it hits him. Hell he gets to be the most analytical and observant he's been so far (that is, at all) aside from what's implied by the notebooks, realizing he can save himself by breaking the other arm. He should try breaking a limb before every battle from now on, it seems to make him smarter. Also how much contrivance did this scenario take? Not only does no one else go for the big bot- even if it's zero points you'd expect some of them to want to show off- no one notices floatgril under the debris. Either that or none of them except Deku would save a bystander, which seems... please, no. And then, however stupid it was for Deky to have never used his powers until now, the only reason him not breaking multiple fucking limbs doing this isn't immediately deeply horrifying is that the kissy lady is there to magucally heal him. (Now it's just deeply horrifying if you actually stop to think about it.) Man, imagine how long this series would've been if there hadn't been a magically contrived way to get out of that actual consequences, lol. Or imagine if he'd had a reasonably realistic reaction to it. This shit's fucked. And then his mom... does she know he went to the UA admissions test? Does she know what happened there? If she knows he went shouldn't she have been expecting he'd have to do hero things and should have had the crap beaten out of him trying? What did he even tell her happened? What would even be on the written exam for this sort of a school, anyway? Would Deku's previous hero observation stuff have helped him at all? You'd think it would... No, really, a hero school should teach them about and require them to know things about how profession heroes do their thing, and what scenarios they could run into, and shit. But instead it's some vague unspecified nothing and he barely passes. ok

episode 5 i guess i lost track of what's what in my notes The teachers all go on about "hMhMm iT'S lIkE He cAn'T cOnTRoL hIS pOwErSS" but no one thinks to, like, I dunno, take him aside and give him some heroic special ed, maybe figure out what the fuck's wrong with him or something. It's not like it wouldn't be worth the effort- he's shown he has massive power he just can't control, and everyone there knows he has the perfect hero attitude. He's a fucking asset, but... naw, just sit by dumbly and let him keep breaking every bones. What would even be the cover story if that happened? Does the rest of the faculty know how AM's quirk works, or would they have to come up with some convenient lie (and how's AM dealing with being a teacher with the time limit on his powers, anyway)? It wouldn't even be hard to come up with some simple story, and it would probably make things easier if someone got suspicious- just like "he never realized he had a quirk because it takes such a high level of (whatever) to activate it, and that is also why he has so very little practice with it". Now you have a consistent, plausible story you can wave at people who get suspicious. Maybe be like, he first activated it 10 months ago or whenever, got injured, it's healed since then but he started training himself physically because that would help. Look, now it's literally the truth but with one thing swapped out, it'll be so easy to keep the story straight and at least part of it can be corroborated by anyone who saw him training during that time. I'm a fucking genius.

"you'll learn to master it" so when does he start learning how to not break bone- well, I already know the answer to that, in the second season at least he's still sacrificing his skeleton, now with new exciting moves like "breaking one finger bone per attack" and "break a broken bone a second time in the same fight, multiple times". What does improvement even look like here? What does training to control the power look like?

"you must be very perceptive" this isn't true, but it should be. Not in the way glasses guy thinks it is, that he slyly sought out the best way to pass the test by saving someone, but that he was writing notebooks full of hero analysis and shit.

i like how am's talking about how "oh don't cook your egg-powers too fast, that's the key to control!" but I aaaaalready know beku's just going to break his fingers instead, forever

"uh how's throwing a ball to infifinity possibible??" you literally just fucking saw how she just floated it out of the fucking atmosphere you dumb fucks

"someone like you should never be allowed to enroll in this school"... but wouldn't it be better for him to be somewhere he can learn to control his shit? "hurr ur not reddy" well where and when the fuck is he supposed to get ready? this is a school, we're not already on the battlefield you fuck. kid shoulda broken his middle finger instead and then flipped him off what did waiting til the last second even accomplish? his finger's still fucking borken. is it somehow less broken than it would be otherwise? If you're going to bother with something like that, why not have it have an actual impact, like this time it's only severe bruising? Like, have Midi make actual progress with controlling his powers? No? Okay... - had to fight through the pain- what, they didn't call the medic over a broken fucking finger? and after all that shit he didn't even use his powers again, not even on the last test. I thought the entire point was rationing your powers so you could use it more often in smaller bursts... and then he gets last place, so doing it meant nothing anyway. fucking good more contrivances, the teacher known for expelling first-years didn't expel anyone because deku is just that cursed. I can't even call it plot armor, because that implies the plot is going out of its way to make things better for the hero, not worse. healing takes energy, but last time when he broke three limbs it was fuckijg fine. ha ha don queston it

I know, heroics is sacrifice n shiet, but we're just watching a kid destroy himself over and over again to literally no gain. It's not like he's helping anyone by doing this, and there's no sign he's even improving himself with this either. This isn't herosim, it's just torture. Isn't a part of heroics supposed to be keeping yourself alive and healthy enough that you can actually do things? What would AM do if, because of his tendency to waste his now-limited hero power on pointless shit, once a serious battle came up he tried to stop it and got himself killed? Well, he'd die, but what would he think of the fact that he failed because he put his own health dead last? Does All Might have any loved ones who might be upset by his death? Did the author think any single aspect of this story through at all?

Also, if the point of learning to control his power is to stop breking bones every time he uses it... training and fighting normally while in this state is not only pointlessly painful but just plain pointless, because when he can control it he won't be strategizing around strategic skeleton use anymore- using it will be completely different. The entire fucking plot of this show is centered around this and there's no sane reason for it. Just... stop. This is so stupid...

[aziraferals]

i was tagged by @likeadeepbluesea :)

1: Are you named after someone? nah i named myself

2: When is the last time you cried? i got a lil teary eyed yesterday because that episode with george o’malley

3: Do you like your handwriting? im compulsive about my handwriting so i mostly avoid writing by hand if i can

4: What is your favorite lunch meat? i only eat turkey and im very specific about the texture 

5: Do you have kids? no i do not have a small germ factory nor do i want one

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you? probably for like 5 seconds because we’d have so many shared interests but i would be immediately bored that we were identical in all things

7: Do you use sarcasm? it is my constant state

8: Do you still have your tonsils? affirmative

9: Would you bungee jump? maybe

10: What is your favorite kind of cereal? i’ll pretty much eat any cereal unless it has any berries or other disgusting things. usually i binge eat it and then dont eat any for months on end and then im like cereal!! again and the cycle repeats. probably because when i eat it my mouth gets sore? i think i put too much of it in my mouth at once so when i chew it like destroys my mouth idfk i basically dont function as a human so

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? nope plus usually im wearing my barn boots and those fuckers just slip right off

12: Do you think you’re a strong person? who isn’t. this world is shit but we’re somehow making it through

13: What is your favorite ice cream flavour? grapenut, but i also had coconut pineapple one time and HOO BOY good shit

14: What is the first thing you notice about people? idk my mind immediately goes blank because anxiety

15: Red or pink? meh

16: What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? this sentence is... so contradictory...

17: What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? none and none

18: What was the last thing you ate? im eating those pink round mint things which are actually my brothers but he left them on the couch and i have no self control

19: What are you listening to right now? the washing machine because it’s in the room next to me (i snuck in my horse’s nasty ass leg wraps mwahaha)

20: If you were a crayon, what color would you be? dark blue?

21: Favorite smell? hay and shavings and leather and horse all mixed in (some barns have a bad smell but some barns have a rlly good smell that settles and milds out on your clothes just right so when you smell it after not being at the barn for a while its so comforting) also after it rains and it’s cold and its like you’re breathing in really clean, refreshing air and it still has that rain smell

22: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? the receptionist at the vet office

23: Favorite sport to watch? the equestrian olympics

24: Hair color? dirty blonde. i suppose you could call it light brown but when it’s cut short you can tell it’s blonde

25: Eye color? i got some ben c eyes woot woot. i mean his are some other league but u get what im saying

26: Do you wear contacts? funny story, according to my eye doctor im a prodigy because i learned how to put in my contacts in about 15 minutes and it usually takes ppl either a full hour or they have to come back for a second session (they make u put them in & out 3 times without issue before they approve you to take them home) i hate my glasses but i am simultaneously too fucking lazy to wear contacts tho

27: Favourite food to eat? pretty much everything i eat is my favorite thing because im so picky and only eat about 5 things and they have to be things that i really like because otherwise i wont eat them.

28: Scary movies or comedy? comedy

29: Last movie you watched? arrival

30: What color shirt are you wearing? blue

31: Summer or winter? winter

32: Hugs or kisses? hugs. ive never kissed??? lol nerd

33: What book are you currently reading?  im reading a fucking amazing fanfic right now (X)

34: Who do you miss right now? someone i havent met yet. lmao im not even trying to be deep but like... im lonely for someone and i havent met anyone yet yah feel. 

35: What is on your mouse pad? nothing

36: What is the last TV program you watched? im rewatching grey’s anatomy because thats what i do when im rlly depressed and dont feel anything because shonda rhimes has no mercy and tortures everyone and im like thank god i am capable of emotion sometimes. rewatching sherlock would be much more effective but sherlock is Too Much(TM) 

37: What is the best sound? when horses nicker, when my cat does his lil chirp which he does all the time its so cute, hooves on pavement, people full on laughing

38: Rolling Stones or The Beatles? i just. don’t care

39: What is the furthest you have ever traveled? one time i went upstairs to eat some lunch but there were no plates so i had to walk all the way downstairs again to get some and then back up. it took years. i saw things i never thought i’d see. im weary with travel, i can’t wait to be back in my own bed

40: Do you have a special talent? i have double jointed shoulder blades or something so i can hang off the backs of chairs on them and when i played sports i would try and intimidate the other team when we did stretches by popping them out the sides rlly far. does that count

41: Where were you born? a hospital room

[hopelesslylovesick]

definitely back

03/07/17 || 10:50 pm

Currently crossfaded off kush and liquor, kush starting to wear off a bit already. Going to do lines now. Hit about 3-4 bowls of kush, and 3 swigs of whiskey. Have 8 decent sized lines set up. Let’s go.

Did one line, already have dripping throat and a bit of numbness/pain in nostril. It was a shorter line, but fairly thick.

10:57 pm

Going to do half of a short line/bump, want to be a bit high and go do something.

11:05 pm

Back, I was listening to pmj covers before I left but now I feel like going on a kanye binge, starting off old school. Going to do other half of line.

Accidentally did  like a third of another line. Oh well.

11:09 pm

Going to do the rest of the line I took a third of earlier.

Can’t decide if I want to continue and listen to heartless or listen to pumped up kicks.

Nevermind, heartless for the throwback.

Definitely going to cry me a river after this.

Fuckin hell, timbland was and still is a genius producer, they’re literally one of the best combos in term of artist + producer.

Ended up at rehab, think I’m going to listen to a bunch of rihanna now.

At beyonce halo now, think I’ll probably do another line soon.

11:22 pm

Going to do half of a line.

Also, just told her I’m 3 way crossfaded, time to see what she says I guess. I have a pretty good guess though....

Also think I’m going to listen to beyonce now.

11:27 pm

Just giving a time update that I probably should have earlier. Listening to bruno mars now, think I’ll do the other half of the line soon.

Time for someone like you, going to the other half now too, seems appropriate. This is 2 minutes later.

She is definitely not amused.

All I ask has always been one of my favorite songs, but it’s never held as much meaning as it does now, the lyrics are just very real then they ever seemed before haha.

11:37 pm

This is going along faster then expected. Going to do one whole line right now.

Damn haven’t done that in a while, holy headrush. Also, listening to the studio version of all i ask now rather then the live one. Probably listen to save myself after this. 

Also, I think she was serious when she said we’re not talking until I “sober the fuck up”....shit.

11:40 pm

Fuck...I actually think she’s really mad at me. Fuck, I don’t want to listen to slower, sad songs right now. Going to listen to travis or something, that seems to pass time faster anyways.

11:49 pm

I’m just going to watch the pick up the phone music video on loop for a bit. Also probably do another line/a half in like 10 minutes or depending on how I feel.

It’s 3 minutes later, I’m going to do half a line. Also, I think I’m going to try not respond to her for a bit, just cause. Also, this video is actually so chill.

11:59 pm

Just did the other half of the line. Still haven’t responded.

12:12 am

Doing half a line now.

12:21 am

Doing the other half.

12:35 am

I sort of want to do the line, but I know I’ll want more so I’m trying to delay it as much as I can. So I just took a swig of the liquor. Have the rolling stone music video playing right now.

Side note, my tolerance really is fucked. I told a friend about how I picked up again and started, and when I said I did a lot my first time back, they guessed 6...when the truth is I did over double...lol.....

I’ll do the last line at 12:40, also I just responded. Also valerie (acoustic) is playing now, I don’t know where I want to go with the music, maybe weeknd binge now?

I really want to do a bit more lines...fucking hell my tolerance is stupid high now. The fact that it’s not a good thing on top of that...fuck.

12:40 am

I did the line, saved the longest for last. Damn that was one of the longer lines I’ve ever done, maybe even the longest. Longer is definitely better.

Messaging her again (I think?), I sort of want more, but I know it’s better for both the craving and my health that it’s better if I don’t. I’ll see if I give in tonight eventually.

1:03 am

I’m done for tonight. A part of me wants to do more of course, but I’m tired, and I promised her I was done anyways. Didn’t think too much this session about anything that wasn’t somehow coke-related. 

I don’t think I lover her like that. Part of me still thinks I do. But I know I probably don’t. It’s something I’ve accepted long ago as fact, and it’s going to stay that way. 

I don’t know how to help her, she won’t open up to me anymore. She says she can handle it but...I still want to be there for her just in case. It can’t hurt, if anything it helps, and that’s not me just foolishly being hopeful, it’s the truth.

Now I really wan’t to do a bit more, now that I’m starting to really sober up. Not very fun to return to reality after having escaped it, even if it was just a short while and temporary.

What am I even running from? I don’t think I use it as a distraction anymore really, if anything I need distractions from it realistically speaking. But if anything I do it for recreational purposes, the same way someone might enjoy a glass of whiskey after a long day of work. Or a joint just to relax and feel good. But obviously cocaine isn’t the same as either of those. It’s high risk, very dangerous, and mercilessly lethal. But holy fuck the euphoria.... I’ve realized this before and I’ll say it again, if I have a problem, it’s substance abuse. More specifically just coke, other things I don’t really ever crave or have a strong urge for. 

But....I really don’t have a will to stop using it. She was saying when I saw her the other day, that if I had any intention of getting better, of stopping, that I would stop. That I don’t ever listen to her. That she feels powerless because of me... That’s not what I wanted. I initially used it so that at least whenever I see her I’ll be able to seem like a strong and steady person to lean on, while I secretly cope at night... But I guess it backfired. Did the opposite, made her close up and not open up to me anymore. 

It’s such a peculiar thing, a catch-22 really. I don’t want to do anymore because I don’t want to disappoint her, but on the other hand because I know I disappointed her and made her feel unhappy I want to use more to cope.... The irony is too fucking unreal.

I should stop. After I use up everything I got, I should stop for real. Because it’s hurting those two more then I ever thought it would. I’m using it up dangerously fast too... at least 3-4 times faster then before I think. Holy shit I want to do more right now. It’s too late to continue the high from whatever I had before, but man do I want to do more.

She’s being super dry...either something’s wrong or she’s mad at me. 

Fuck at this rate, I’m going to end up giving in, with each passing moment my body is letting me know I should stop, but the urge to do more is twice as stronger. This is what cravings is. What borderline addiction is.

Yeah she’s definitely not happy with me haha...

Man I want to do some more so bad...might do like 3 more lines....fuck

1:22 am

I’m about to read my post on my main about why people hesitate to admit love. Also waiting on her to respond.

If she doesn’t respond by 1:30 or just is really passive aggressive still by then, I think I might just use that as an excuse and do a bit more.

1:30 am

I’m seriously debating whether or not to do more.

I think she might be asleep. I’m going to wait a bit more and if she stays offline/doesn't respond I’m just going to do 3 more lines.

1:45 am

Man I would so do more but I’m not sure if my body can take it. It’s the withdrawal/sobering up that’s making me feel like this for sure, but it doesn’t make it any less pleasant. I almost feel like doing more would just numb it out though...

Also i got my straw out of my trash can about 5 minutes ago...no matter what way an outsider would look at it they would know where this is going as do I...

1:51 am

I’ve been doing more research on coke for the past couple minutes, anything and everything about it. Rather know everything then be ignorantly dumb. The concept of ignorance is bliss doesn’t work here.

2:00 am

I just set up 3 more lines, these are for sure the last. I’m not doing anymore tonight after this. Fucking hell what am I doing.....

1 minute later, going to do one right now. 

Fucking hell that felt so wrong but so right at the same time.

Also this is the first time I resumed after having a decent amount of time since I last did it, I don’t know if it was enough to sober up a significant amount, but I was definitely sobering up right up until just now.

2:14 am

Probably going to do another line soon. The high feels a bit different then normal coke high...I don’t know if it’s a good or bad difference, but for sure it’s interesting.

I just put on she’s mine, pt.1. Just it felt like I should be listening to it. Going to do the line now I guess.

I don’t know why I ever did bumps. Definitely more nerve-wracking, but it feels way better to just do a line rather then split it up (Did line at 2:16-17).

Going to listen to apparently once the song ends, I don’t know if I want to listen to straight j cole now. Interesting how it reminds me of him because of what he said when we chilled, he recognized the song by the title immediately...he never listens to rap, doesn’t enjoy it. I wonder if he only listened to the entire album the way he did because of his ex....

I feel strangely sober yet....I don’t really mind it. I don’t know why, but I guess that’s a good thing right? It’s better then me wanting to do more to try and get higher, which a part of me does, but it’s not really that strong a urge. Also listening to intro off of 2014 forest hills drive right now. Felt like apparently was a bit too upbeat for what I’m in the mood for right now. I think I’ll go to korean osts next maybe.

2:25 am

I think 2:30-35 I’ll do the last line. Maybe even later or earlier, all depends on what I feel like.

2:36 am

Just did the last line. I’ve been reading my old posts. Like actually reading them, not just skimming over them. Of course I skimmed over the more “log” like parts, mainly just jumped to whatever was at the end. I had all my answers, or at least most of them right here. I didn’t need therapy to know them, but I think for sure it helped me find them, it’s like being told about a secret easter egg in a movie and you only notice it in a movie after watching it once you’re told.

2:44 am

Just read it all along with her old posts as well....I don’t know how I feel. I ended off by reading the letter I wrote to myself in the case that I ever find myself in that dark place again. But...I feel like I don’t really have any urge, any will to get better. Hell, I have the urge to want to do more as I type this, what the fuck is happening. This is the rewiring of the brain. It rewires your brain so that it makes you want coke more, at least that’s what it does according to an article I read earlier. I think she’s asleep....I sort of wanted to send her the letter, maybe it’ll make her think I’m okay, that I’m better. But fuck...I’m starting to doubt myself too. This is probably the coke talking but...throughout tonight, I feel like that feeling of not minding death has been slowly but surely getting stronger and stronger... The fucked up part is that I don’t mind though....I almost want it. I don’t understand why, there’s no logic to it, do I think I’ll get more attention if I am or some bs? What am I doing. I’m honestly one small bs excuse away from doing more lines right now. Fucking hell. I wish she was awake. I want to talk to her, distract myself, have someone to be common sense and guidance for me. But I don’t think that’ll happen as easily or as often as before, she’s definitely disappointed and tired of me, she’ll never admit it but I can tell. Whatever, it was to be expected, anyone would be after all the shit I pull.

I hate to repeat myself but...man am I really pathetic LOL. I’ve been constantly checking to see if she is/was online. What am I doing. I refuse to believe I’m doing it for any reason other then that talking to her helps. No other reason. Also, the more I think about it, the more lines I want to do. Man 3 more just sounds so good right now.... I’d call her if the situation were different, ask her to just distract me, but I don’t know her schedule so. Oh wait, she has an early class or something tomorrow I think, I think she might’ve mentioned it earlier.

I should just go to sleep. Call it a night. But I want to stay up. I want to be coked up. I want to stay in this state, this environment that feels so comfortable to me. Maybe it’s a trigger like the therapist suggested, but being in my room like this, with the lamps on and listening to music while not sober just so comforting, feels like a place, a moment that I should always try to be in, because it lets me think and relax with complete peace.

2:56 am

I’m fairly confident I’m telling the honest truth when I say I don’t do coke anymore with the intention of dying or escaping reality. I really do feel like I do it for recreational purposes, as well as to be in my sort of “zen state” I guess, the mindset in which I can freely flow my thoughts and analyze them in a way I would never be able to sober. Of course, that’s never going to fly with either one of them, to them bottom line I shouldn’t do it no matter what because of it’s harmful implications on my health. As much as I know they’re right and it’s something I’ve known myself since I first tried it, I’d almost rather take that risk, because the reward is something I can’t ever get through any other method. There’s nothing else, at least that I know of, that helps me write and express my thoughts and feelings in their pure and unadulterated form the way coke does. It helps me express myself as a human being. It helps me enjoy music the way the artist who made it does. It helps me feel invincible, invulnerable from anything and everything. Let’s me feel safe and confident in myself so that I can properly express myself and act the way I want too. It essentially makes me extroverted I guess. 

3:06 am

I’m debating whether or not I should do more haha dkm. Last time my ass. I had a feeling I’d be tempted/do more afterwards. Not as strong as an urge as the first time, but a urge nonetheless. 

3:21 am

I’m going through all the photos I have on my phone, remembering what I was thinking, what I felt at that time, trying to figure out if I know exactly when something changed that led me to this path. Still might do more blow, not sure, sort of getting late but not that big a deal.

Fuck, I’m in one of the mind states I hate most, the one where I don’t know what to think. It’s so hard to describe what exactly it’s like, but it’s like you have a million things to do, but you can’t figure out which one to start on first because you don’t even know what should be your priority, and you don’t know what you have to do in the first place. Just a lot of not knowing is what it is really.

I sort of want to write a letter to her but I don’t know what I would even write in the first place, for sure I want to tell her my pure unfiltered thoughts, but I don’t know how to, or what else to write even. I know there’s something else I should write about to her, just have a feeling that I do. As usual though, I don’t know what.

3:29 am

Wtf I just took a selfie with the dog filter and sent it to her. Why did I do that LOL

3:32 am

I feel like I should get high one last time tonight. I have a good feeling that I might realize something, or at least some sort of epiphany. I’m not going to do much, maybe just 1 or 2.

3:37 am

I set up 2 shorter lines, but decently thick. Guess I’ll do one now, I think I’ll start of with the smaller one, even though it’s probably smarter to start with the bigger haha...

Alright, time to relax and see if anything comes to me, not going to try force it.

3:46 am

Time felt like it was going fast until I focused/thought about it and then it immediately felt slow. I haven’t had that kind of feeling/sensation(?) since the first time I did it on halloween. Interesting....

It’s only been a bit under 10 minutes since I did the line but how does it simutaneously feel like it’s been longer and shorter at the same time. Yet I feel as sober as can be, just a slight headace is all, but that’s normal, have it most of the time once I sober up, even though I shouldn’t be/feel sober at all right now logically speaking, since it normally lasts about 15-20 min on average. I realized I’m definitely not sober because I wouldn’t rant this long and still continue to like some sort of bumbling idiot if I were sober.

It’s 3 minutes later since the last time stamp. I think I might do this last line soon rather then wait like I originally planned, I feel strangely sober, also I want to end off on a high note (haha pun.).

3:53 am

Just did the last line, prob get whatever residue then clean up, I’m actually done for tonight. Anymore and there’s actually a sever health risk, I think.

I don’t know why, but I feel like I did that line at the most optimal time possible, where I was still able to build on the previous high/keep it going, but not do it so early as to cut off the high from the line previously short.

4:00 am

I find that whenever I have these nights, I have the urge to cry. To just start bawling. In a way, I feel like it’s because it reminds me that there are still things I care about enough that I would cry and bawl over them. Too bad coke just numbs you out. 

I want to cry. I want to have tears uncontrollably fall from my face. I want to release all the pain and stress that I’ve hidden and suppressed so much that I don’t even know if it’s there anymore. I don’t even know if I’m capable of feeling emotions to the extent I did anymore. Whether it be the drugs or whatever else, I feel like I’ve lost the ability to freely feel, to have emotions that are genuine.

4:06 am

Wow, the fact that even after all I did tonight I still haven’t quite figured out that one that I don’t know but is constantly on my mind just goes to show how compicated it must be.

4:10 am

I was reading old conversations I had with her, I’m at the one where I sent her the tumblr post where I talked about how I felt lost. And I read something that sort of made me double take. I guess I forgot about it or something, or surpressed it along with all my emotions, but I guess at the time part of the reason why I decided to start coke was because I thought that maybe if I ruin myself/my life to the point where I’m better off dead, I can then properly justify killing myself....

I sort of don’t want to admit it but I think I’ve always had that idea, that thought in the back of my head, just never realized it.

4:18 am

I’m about to read the conversation where I told her I knew. From the beginning. It almost feels like it was so long ago, which I guess it was since it was on november 6.

4:26 am

Finished reading it all....I think I’m going to read other convos too.

4:33 am

I’m reading the advice she gave me when I first told her about the whole suicidal thoughts thing.

I perfectly worded what I felt then and feel even now:

“My mentality when it comes to ppl, dennis included, is too just look happy and satisfied with life always haha, cause people always have their own problems, and I'd rather be the guy that helps them with problems instead of the one telling them “

4:50 am

It’s pretty late, and my brain is fried from the back and forth of going from a huge flow of information to a seemingly dead end. Also, reading all those old conversations was a lot. I don’t really want to use my brain for the rest of tonight. I will say this tho, while I don’t have any passive suicidal urges or whatever it’s called, the idea of it sort of seems appealing to me for some fucked up reason that I don’t know.