#a lot of stuff going on in my life and hadn’t had the time/motivation for it

[youronlydrpepper]

Feelings

💝✨🖤

[little-diable]

Hillbilly Cowboy - Tyler Owens (smut)

I just love writing for him, I don't know why, but damn I l o v e it! Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this, your comments keep us writers motivated! Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: The reader's home gets destroyed by a tornado, but what happens when Tyler Owens and his crew show up to help? Will she accept his offer to find shelter at their house or push him away?

Warnings: 18+, smut, oral (m), shower piv, this is filthy, choking, lots of teasing, talks about losing a home, but mainly fluff and smut

Pairing: Tyler Owens x fem!reader (3.6k words)

“No, fuck off, I don’t need a hillbilly cowboy like you messing with my stuff.” (Y/n)’s voice was hoarse, trembling with sadness and anger. She had her calloused, bloody fingers pressed into her waist, eyes set on the man who was standing close with a confused expression tugging on his handsome features. 

“We’re just here to help, sweetheart.” He kept his voice quiet, hand stretched out for (y/n) to take. But she no longer could think clearly, distracted by the past hours and the knowledge that all her things were gone, ripped from her by the tornado hitting her and her neighbours homes. 

“I know who you are, I’ve seen those videos. I don’t want somebody who makes money off this destruction around.” She tried to turn from him, urged on by her anger. But (y/n) didn’t get far, losing her balance as her vision suddenly grew blurry.

Tyler Owens was instantly by her side, catching her before her exhausted body could force her to the ground. She was torn between her screaming mind and the way her body seemed to search his closeness, enjoying the feeling of his body pressed against hers to protect her from herself. 

“C’mon, at least allow me get some food and water for you first.” This time she didn’t protest, letting him guide her away from the mess she was surrounded by, her no longer standing home and the belongings she hadn’t cherished enough until today. Tears kept dripping from her exhausted eyes, tears she didn't manage to wipe away, not as Tyler gently pushed her into a camping chair, not as he fetched some stuff for her, not even as he crouched in front of her with one hand placed on her knee in a comforting manner. 

“Thank you.” It was just a whisper, but enough to draw a smile onto his handsome face. Wordlessly (y/n) began to stuff some food down her throat, knowing that she needed as much energy as possible. It didn’t take long for her thoughts to start spiralling again, wondering where she’d go from here, knowing that there was nobody around to support her. 

“Fuck, what will I do now? Is there a sleeping shelter? How do I find a new home?” The sadness dripping from her words wiped his smile right off his face while Tyler tightened his grip on her knee. His thumb rubbed gentle shapes into the fabric of her dirty trousers as she got buried by her avalanche of fears and questions. 

“Do you have any friends or family you could call?” She only shook her head, unable to speak another word while her throat grew tight. Tyler kept studying her, letting his eyes wander over her tear stained cheeks. 

“We have enough space in our home, you can gladly stay with us for a while.” He expected her to protest, expecting her to call him a “hillbilly cowboy” like she had done when he had first stepped onto the property and then again a few moments later. But (y/n) kept quiet, staring down at her food and the bottle of water she clung to. 

“Do you really mean that? Are you sure about that?” The slight nod of his head was enough to draw a sigh from (y/n). She let herself ponder over the offer for a few more moments before parting her lips again, knowing that this was her only chance to find shelter without others she didn’t like near. 

“Alright, thank you.” 

……

“Here, this is the bathroom. I’ll ask Lily for some clothes or you can have one of my shirts.” It had been hours since Tyler had stepped into her life, gently pulling (y/n) out of her darkening state before he had begun helping her. They had tried to save whatever they could, packing up bags with belongings that had been scattered around the property. Exhaustion had followed her around, and (y/n) had crashed the second he had guided her to his truck, instantly falling asleep before Tyler had even started driving. 

“Are you sure I’m not intruding?” Her voice was quiet, struggling to fill his room while her eyes were focusing on her dirty fingernails. Tyler stepped closer, and with his fingers finding her chin, he tilted her head up towards him, forcing her to get lost in those piercing eyes she had felt on her frame for the past hours. 

“We’re happy to have you around for as long as you want to stay, (y/n). I promise.” She didn’t find any words, could only shoot him a slow nod before he let go of her again. Without speaking another word, Tyler stepped out of the bathroom to give her some privacy, letting (y/n) be alone with her racing thoughts. 

She shuffled out of her muddy clothes, letting them drop to the ground before finding shelter in the shower. The second the warm water hit her skin, her tears started falling again, forcing a sob out of her she didn’t manage to hold in. Her body shook with every sob, drowning in the sadness she had felt ever since her eyes had taken in the destruction of her home. 

Only the sound of Tyler softly knocking on the door – to tell her he had found some clothes for her to wear – managed to pull (y/n) out of her state. She pushed her face under the water, letting it wash away her tears before stepping out of the shower to dry herself. (Y/n) didn’t dare look at her reflection, not wanting to see the lifeless sensation swimming in her pupils to remind her of the mess she was stuck in.

Slowly, she opened the door to Tyler’s room, finding it empty. Her eyes instantly found the big shirt and a pair of shorts he had laid out for her, next to what seemed to be still wrapped up panties. Even though the shorts and underwear seemed to belong to Lily, (y/n) was sure that the shirt was Tyler’s. 

His scent wrapped itself around her as she put on the shirt, reminding (y/n) of the way he had pulled her into his chest a while ago, mumbling to her that everything would be alright. It felt like a sick joke, losing her home the same day she meets a man she had sworn to cuss out only to feel herself drawn to him, a thunderstorm was brewing deep inside of her and Tyler Owens was the cause of it all. 

“(Y/n)?” His soft voice reverberated through the room like a summer breeze, gently cozying her along to draw her gaze towards him. He was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed in front of his chest while his eyes took in her frame. Only as she shot him a reassuring smile did he allow himself to step into the room, moving towards her to pull (y/n) in for another hug. 

She clung to him as if he were her life vest, supporting her body as if it was the sole purpose of his life. No words were shared as he held her, allowing (y/n) to try and ground herself. Too many sensations clashed through her, and yet she found herself being grateful that Tyler was right there to hold and guide her. 

“Food should be ready in a few,” Boone’s voice echoed through the air, ripping the two apart. Tyler kept his hand placed on her waist, studying (y/n) for a few more moments before he stepped away to open the door and guide her downstairs. 

……

“(Y/n), c’mon, sweetheart.” She was ripped out of her sleep by his gentle voice, followed by him shaking her. Sweat was pearling on her forehead, heart racing and hands balled into tight fists. It took her a second to let her eyes find his concerned ones, studying how Tyler was kneeling next to her on his bed, staring down at her. “You’re alright, just a nightmare.”

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was small, letting him barely hear it as she sank down on the mattress again. Embarrassment clung to her, filling her system while Tyler was sitting next to her, not daring to leave her side just yet. 

“There’s nothing you have to apologise for, sweetheart.” Tyler squeezed her wrist before he slowly peeled himself away from her. (Y/n) let her eyes study his frame for another second before she spoke up again, letting her hand reach out to find his. With both their eyes set on their hands, (y/n) slowly interlaced their fingers – something that made their hearts skip a few beats.

“Would you stay? Please?” Tyler had taken care of her ever since their paths had crossed almost twelve hours ago, he had taken her in, had held her, had listened to her rambling. And even though she barely knew him, her heart ached for his closeness, needing to be held by him again. 

“Of course I will.” She pushed herself away from the spot she had been resting on, making room for Tyler who laid down next to her. Within seconds, Tyler had wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling (y/n) flush against his front. Her body instantly relaxed, making her feel as if he was the light guiding her out of her darkness, the one who’d lead her to safety if she let him. 

Tyler’s lips pressed a kiss to her hairline, making her breath hitch in her chest. (Y/n) could only try to shuffle even closer while trying to lure herself back into her tired state, suddenly feeling completely awake. 

“I’m sorry for being so mean to you.” She mumbled the words, barely able to let them roll off her tongue while embarrassment threatened to drown her. Tyler’s chest shook as a laugh left him, forcing his eyes back down to meet hers. The smile tugging on his lips was all too bright, leaving her chuckling while her hand started to move on its own, cupping his cheek to feel his warm skin pressing against hers. 

“It’s alright, sweetheart. You are allowed to call me a hillbilly cowboy anytime you want.” Now it was on (y/n) to laugh, to momentarily close her eyes to shake off the heat crawling up her spine like dark clouds forming a storm so intense she’d have to live through it all once again. Tyler’s hand danced up and down her spine, touching the spots that were buzzing with heat, leaving her breathless. 

“Careful, Owens, otherwise I will keep on calling you that.” His hand stopped moving, resting on her lower back to pull her slightly closer. With one of her legs finding its rest between his, Tyler kept her trapped. She felt his breath ghosting her lips, making (y/n) awfully aware of their closeness. 

“I would be honoured.” (Y/n) slightly shook her head, letting another soft laugh rumble through her while her hand moved from his cheek to his lips. Softly she traced his cupid’s bow, finding herself wondering how it must feel to kiss him. A thought he seemed to pick up on while tilting his head down further, about to close the gap between them. 

“Will you let me kiss you?” His question was met with a widening smile. And then everything stopped spinning and moving, no longer spiralling down the rabbit hole her anxious mind had pushed her into. Suddenly everything was still, nothing could be heard besides their gasps as Tyler kissed her. 

It was a careful kiss at first, letting both of them adjust while her hand dropped from his face to his shirt. She fisted the fabric as if she was desperately trying to hold onto him, all while Tyler pushed her even closer with his hand still resting on her lower back. 

“Let’s get some sleep in you first before I properly tire you out.” Tyler whispered the words against her lips, unable to bite down his grin while she stared up at him. (Y/n) only rolled her eyes at him, trying to turn from him though without much success, letting go of another laugh as Tyler kept her caged to him. 

……

It was still early as she woke again, still pressed against Tyler’s front. Her heart skipped a beat as she remembered the kiss, the way he had held onto her, how he had touched her with more care than she probably deserved. She gave herself another moment to soak up his closeness before she peeled herself out of his hold. 

With her eyes set on his sleeping frame, she crawled out of the bed to make her way towards the bathroom. For the first time since stepping foot into this house, (y/n) allowed herself to look at her reflection in the mirror. A smile tugged on the corner of her lips before she turned towards the shower. Tyler’s shirt fell to the floor, her panties following moments later. 

She was too distracted by the feeling of the warm water cascading down her back to hear the door being pushed open, allowing Tyler to study her. His eyes danced up and down her frame for a second before he stepped into the room, letting the door fall shut behind him – a sound that told her all about his nearing presence. 

(Y/n) didn’t react to it, she didn’t turn towards Tyler – patiently waiting for him to take the next step. Perhaps she was insane, perhaps this was something she should run from, and yet she didn’t feel the need to run, no, all she wanted was to be close to him. Seconds kept fading by, seconds where she wondered if she should turn towards him after all, but then she felt him near, front pressed against her back with one arm finding its way around her waist. 

“Morning,” his raspy voice left her shuddering. Goosebumps rose on her skin, growing in number the second his lips found her neck, softly kissing her wet skin. 

“Morning,” she repeated the word. With a soft sigh, (y/n) turned in his grasp, letting her arms find their way around his neck to pull him down for a kiss. The kiss grew deeper instantly, forming a mess of tangled limbs and tongues, letting their hearts race in sync. Tyler pushed her back against the shower wall with one leg resting between her thighs, pressing against her heat. 

“So, will you tire me out now?” Her teasing words left her without much strength, breathless from the shared kiss. A fire was burning in his pupils, growing stronger with every touch, every shared moment, and neither of them wanted to tame it. 

“Only if you know how to ask for it nicely.” A beat passed between them, then another, all while her smirk grew and her hands began to wander down to his chest. His muscles grew tense beneath her touch, leaving her buzzing for more. 

“Fuck me, Tyler. Pretty please.” His lips found hers again, silencing her rambling self while his hands explored her body. Every touch of his managed to set another part of her ablaze, a wandering fire that left its mark on her body, never fading to remind her of this moment – of how she gave herself to a man she barely knew.

“I can’t wait to have my way with you, to tie you up and fuck you stupid.” His words left her moaning in need, allowing her mind to paint all these pictures. The feeling of his calloused fingertips finding her pulsing bundle managed to distract (y/n), letting her head roll back to expose her neck to Tyler’s lips. His lips left their own marks on her soft skin while his hands took care of her every need, rubbing her bundle as he pushed two fingers into her. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight, feels like you were made for me, sweetheart.” (Y/n) gave herself a few moments, allowing him to push her closer to her high with simple movements that felt better than ever before. But she was hungry for more, desperate to feel him resting on her tongue to make him feel whatever it was she found herself addicted to now. She pushed Tyler away with a soft grin, looking up at him to distract him from her wandering hand, how it found its way to his twitching cock. 

With her teeth leaving marks on her lower lip, (y/n) sank to the ground, staring up at Tyler with an all too innocent gaze. His raspy moans filled the bathroom, growing louder the second she parted her lips to give his tip a soft lick. He was throbbing for her, needing more – whatever she was willing to offer. 

“Atta girl, let me in.” She slowly took more of him, feeling him resting on her tongue, allowing (y/n) to feel every part of the soft skin. Tyler’s hand was buried in her hair, keeping his strong hold on her as if he was about to prepare himself for another rodeo, set on winning every single prize. And he’d win them all, with grace, with her mewling his name and the silent promise that from today on he was the only one to make her feel this blinding high. 

His strong hold encouraged her to move, to bob her head while her hand took care of the parts she couldn’t reach without choking. Tyler looked like a god, towering over her with his muscular body on show, with his lips slightly parted and his eyes glistening with an intensity she’d never forget again, sure that she had just found her new favourite colour. 

(Y/n) hummed around him as his hips jerked, forcing his cock further down her throat. The way she looked up at him, eyes filled with encouragement, was enough for Tyler to start fucking her mouth, using her as if they had done this numerous times before. She allowed him a few thrusts, giving him just enough to push him into that drunken head state that would slow his movements, distracting him from the way she was about to pull away. 

“What-,” his question was cut short as she rose back to her feet and met his lips for a kiss. All tongues and teeth to perfectly express the need both were set on, guiding them towards the high both were aching for. 

“I want you to cum when you fuck me.” She looked all too innocently while speaking words like this, robbing Tyler of his strength to fight back. With a smirk thrown her way, he pushed her against the tiles, keeping her caged between his broad frame and the wall he was about to fuck her against. “I have an IUD, and I’m clean.” 

“Me too, but fuck, are you sure? I don’t mind grabbing a condom.” Her soft chuckles were paired with another kiss she pressed against his puffy lips. She clung to Tyler as her hand found its way back to his aching cock, giving it a few more tugs before guiding him closer. Tyler could only push her hand away, replacing it with his own to align himself with her heat and to push into her. Her walls fluttered around him, instantly teasing the man who tried to hold himself back from fucking her too hard, not wanting to leave her bruised after their first time together.

“Behave, sweetheart.” The command was met with a laugh rumbling through her, a laugh that turned into a moan as he bottomed out, leaving her full and stretched. Her fingernails were clawed into his skin, holding onto Tyler while he started fucking her with perfectly calculated thrusts. 

“Where’s the fun in that? I thought you’re all about taming wild things.” His hand found her throat, pinning (y/n) back against the tiles while giving her a silent warning. Tyler’s grip wasn’t strong enough to cut off her airstream, and yet just enough to heighten her senses. They struggled to hold eye contact, even as Tyler wrapped one of her legs around his waist to fuck her even deeper, making her feel every inch of him. 

“I’ll take my time taming you, you’ll lose your will to fight quickly enough, baby.” The words were rasped into her ear, making her tremble against him. His thrusts met her swollen spot shaking straight through her while his hand kept a tight hold on her throat, not giving (y/n) a chance to pull away. 

“Touch yourself, sweetheart, make yourself cum on my cock.” She didn’t dare protest, not when her orgasm was all too close. (Y/n)’s fingers found her heat, rubbing her bundle to make herself cum, while Tyler kept snapping his hips. Moans clawed through the both of them, filling the bathroom while she choked on his name, letting her orgasm wash through her.

“Cum inside of me, please.” It was all he needed to hear to fall over the edge, letting go with another raspy sound. He imprinted himself on her walls, clinging to her as both their bodies shook from the intensity of their orgasms, making them all too aware of how perfect they fit together. 

“If you always fuck like this, I will never leave this place willingly again.” (Y/n)’s confession drew a loud laugh out of Tyler. He pulled out of her while keeping a strong grip on her, only to pull her in for another sloppy kiss.

“Would that be so bad, sweetheart?”

[papercorgiworld]

hi!! Could I request a fic with like Mattheo and Theo, or either of them. The reader wears glasses but only for reading stuff so her "friends" makes fun of her and Mattheo or Theo comforts her?? Love your fics xx

I got this request a century ago, but I promised myself I would only post this if I finished the second request as a way of keeping myself motivated... Did not really speed up the writing process, but here we are! The good news is: I finished the second request... bad news, I will only post it if I manage to finish the third request.

Anyways, thank you for the request and I'm sorry for my absence, I hope you've all been well. Either way you all deserve the world and lots of happiness. Sending you lots of love! AND of course: Happy Readings!

Merlin, she looks beautiful

Reader that needs glasses with Mattheo or Theo

Gently you stroll through the endless bookcases searching for something that would help you and your friends with your Transfiguration’s group project. “Found it.” You mumble to yourself, thinking that no one would hear you. However, a sneaky slytherin was adoring you from a bit further. Lounging with his friends in a corner of the library his eyes traced you until Draco snapped his fingers. “You’re gonna start drooling if you don’t stop that.” Your eyes move to the laughter but you can only guess what it’s about.

Your friends groan as you drop the books on the table. Honestly you weren’t excited about it either, but the work had to be done. Everyone grabs a book. Flipping through the pages you quickly spot an interesting chapter. You squint your eyes as you try to read, cursing yourself you grab your bag searching for your glasses. You blink, remembering how much more fun reading is when you don’t struggle with every letter. 

Merlin, she looks beautiful. 

Your one paragraph in when your vision gets misty. Confused, you take off your glasses and everyone at your table starts laughing. The person opposite of you had used a spell to fog your glasses to everyone’s amusement. 

You felt your insecurities peak. Wearing glasses was new for you and you hadn’t quite adjusted to life with them, feeling a little stupid. “What’s up with the glasses? Are you going blind?” Someone at the table quipped, making the others chuckle. Instead of explaining why you had to wear glasses you just fell silent, everyone staring at you until you finally stuttered some words out. “I’m gonna read this later. I need to meet up with someone.” You could hear the snickering as you left the library. 

You feel your heartbeat quicken and turn around a corner, pressing your back against the wall you try to calm yourself. You look down at the glasses in your hand and for a moment you stare up the staircases. If you would go up and drop your ugly glasses, you would be rid of them forever. It wasn’t going to work like that, but for a second it seemed like a good idea to just pretend like you didn’t need them.

Theo

POV: Theo watching you when you hurried out of the library, clearly upset.

You sigh and turn to continue walking without having anywhere to go, but suddenly you feel magic tug at you. You’re swirled around so that you’re now face to face with Theodore Nott. “Ey bella, you seemed upset when you left the library.” You blink staring at Theo who you had never known to show emotion leave alone concern for you. “Uhm… no it’s fine. I’m good.” You nod a few times as a way of convincing him, compensating for your shaky voice. “You forgot this.” Theo shows you the case for your glasses. You stare at the pattern, a bit concerned about whether or not he thought it was cute or not. You mentally cursed yourself for caring about what Theodore Nott thought of you simply because he was a popular guy. “Oh yeah, I forgot. Thank you.” You reach for the case but Theo immediately lifts it higher and out of reach for you.

A slytherin bully playing around was really the last thing you could use right now. Even though Theo and his friends were notorious for causing trouble, you had always been spared from it… that is until now. “Can I please have it back?” You bravely ask, stressing the please and hoping that the slytherin would be merciful. “Only if you promise to find some better friends.” You meet his eyes and he can see the clear confusion. “They make you feel unhappy with yourself. You make yourself small when you’re around them, I’ve noticed and I don’t like it. So promise me you’ll hang out with other people.” Your eyebrows knit together. “You noticed? Have you been watching me or something?” At your question Theodore's confident smile turns into a nervous chuckle. “I’m allowed to admire beautiful things, am I not?” His eyes look at you with cheeky innocence. 

You blush and bite your lip. “Admiring, huh?” Theodore smiles at you and hands you the case for your glasses. “Yes… and I hate it when others dim your light.” You look away from him as you put your glasses in their case. “My friends aren’t that bad. The glasses just make me look silly.” Theo shakes his head at your words and closes the distance between the two of you. “I disagree.” His voice is raspy and you can’t believe the slytherin heartthrob is standing so close to you. “Bella, look at me. You’re gorgeous. Glasses or no glasses, you turn heads when you walk by.” You drown in his eyes as his words soothe all your insecurities. Theo gently pushes your chin up. “Promise me that you’ll hang out with better people.” He whispers with an enchanting voice. When you nod, he smiles and takes a step back. “Good.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and winks before walking away.

There’s a silence as you stare at him with dreamy eyes. “Hey.” You suddenly say, to your surprise, out loud.” You can feel your heart thump loud when he turns to face you. “Can I hang with you?” The left corner of Theo’s mouth tugs up and his hand leaves his pocket gesturing for you to come with him. “Of course. I don’t mind. I could admire you all day.” You bite your lip to try and hide your happy smile and walk with him. 

Mattheo

POV: Mattheo anything but pleased with your snickering friends as you leave the library with teary eyes.

“There you are.” You wouldn’t have thought those words were meant for you if you weren’t the only one there. With dumb eyes you stare at none other than Mattheo Riddle. “You alright, love? You seemed upset when you left the library in a hurry.” Your eyes widen at the realisation. You thought you were hiding it well but it was probably obvious to anyone with proper eyesight that you were close to crying when you practically ran out of the library. Mattheo took your silence as an invitation to get closer to you. Significantly closer. It made you worry what people would think if they saw you so close to him. Hogwarts loves juicy gossip. 

“You look gorgeous with or without glasses so don’t worry about it.” Mattheo smirks, confidence radiating off of him. Not knowing how to take the compliment, you chuckle and look away from the handsome slytherin towering over you. “Didn’t your mother teach you not to lie?” You replied jokingly, but as soon as you meet his eyes you realise that considering who you’re talking to that it was a really bad joke. Your eyes fill with panic as you question whether to run or apologise. Meanwhile Mattheo lips form an amused smirk and his eyes playfully watch your nervous figure. “Not really, I was thought to never get caught in a lie. But what I said about your glasses was not a lie. It was a compliment. You’re gorgeous. Don’t doubt that, love. However, when the professors ask me later if I had anything to do with turning your friends’ hair into snakes, I’ll lie without shame.” Your mouth drops when you hear his confession. You immediately forget the sweet things he just said and panic. “What! Oh Merlin, no! Why did you do that?” As you try and walk away, back to your friends Mattheo stops you. “They deserve it and you know that. You don’t need glasses to see that they’re not real friends.” He’s still holding onto your wrist when you move closer to him. You let your head hang in defeat for a moment. “Yeah, you’re probably right. But still no reason to hex them.” 

You give Mattheo a judging look, but your soft smile gives away that you don’t really mind that he hexed them. His eyes land on your smile as he chuckles. “Hexes were invented specifically for people like them.” You shake your head but at the same time you feel yourself drawn to him. His hand moves from your wrist to your hip. “You’re stunning. So don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about yourself.” 

Just when Mattheo is about to make a move Pansy’s coughs, making you jump and take a step back. Standing at the end of the hallway, a very sassy looking Pansy darts her eyes between you two. “Am I interrupting something?” She asks with obvious fake innocence. You immediately shake and say your goodbyes to Mattheo. 

“What did I ever do to you, Pansy?” Mattheo asks after he watched you leave. “I think it was something you said in first year.” Pansy bluntly answers before walking away. Mattheo nervously chews his lips wondering if you were okay and curious if you had felt the heat as much as he did.

***

You had gotten so flustered after Pansy had caught Mattheo and you so close together that you went to hide in the bathroom for a few minutes. Feeling fresh and calm you step outside again, only to realise that you were late for class. You rush in to find Mcgonagall stare at you in disappointment. “Let’s not waste anymore time standing there. Take a seat.” You nod, wanting to disappear now that the whole class is staring at you. You look to your left to see Mattheo sitting alone. Puppy eyes locked onto you.

Look at his eyes!!!!

You freeze as you feel the heat on your cheeks return. I must look like a tomato. Mcgonagall turns away from the board to see you still standing up. “Miss (l/n), is there a problem?” Her stern voice sends shivers down your spine and you feel like you’re a first year again. Within seconds you're seated next to Mattheo with your books in front of you. “Hello again.” Mattheo whispers amusement ringing in his voice. You nervously flip through the pages. “Chapter 4 and don’t forget your glasses.” Mattheo whispers, you softly chew your lip as you fumble to get your glasses. “I think you look cute with them.” At those words you turn to Mattheo with glasses, blushed cheeks and wide eyes. He gives you a cheeky wink… and that class you did not hear a thing the professor said to you.

Picture 1: I lost the source, sorry 😞

Picture 2: https://pin.it/57e7ZitKL

Picture 3: https://pin.it/5i3RGZvgQ

Picture 4: https://pin.it/37cX6axUM

[madhels-enby-boyfriend]

Back To Before

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Robyn (the roommate) x reader

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, mentions of past smut, mentions of doing cons and scams, mentions of drinking, mentions of smoking weed and mentions of going church, that’s it I think?

Tags: Angst.. like so much angst, hurt/no comfort (the comfort is gonna show up in a few chapters, I promise), abandonment, a lot of unanswered questions, established relationship, Sharon being the confused sweetheart she is, canonically accurate disdain for Iowa.

Summary: You never questioned Robyn’s devotion to you… in hindsight you wish you had, since one day she decided to just up and leave you without a warning or an explanation. You’re determined to get your answers though.

Notes: this idea was inspired by the cover Patti sings of “Back To Before” and a gut wrenching idea I had for a Robyn x reader fic, because my beloved is incredibly underrated. This is going to be a multi-chapter fic and much like in play stupid games the pov will change every chapter to give more insight into what both characters are going through.

As always, thank you to my amazing beta reader, @imorynn, who tortured me with my own words and gave me the motivation to start this series (it’s her fault I’m tormenting you all with this). I appreciate you very much, my friend. I also would like to take this moment to formally apologise to her for torturing her with this, I admit I was the bigger whore 😔✋🏻

Words: ~4K

Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1: ‘My sky, my moon and my stars and my ocean’

Devotion, that’s the only way you could describe the way you and Robyn loved each other, pure and utter devotion.

You had studied her features in the moonlight, when every single one of her defenses had crumbled and she laid down beside you, her arms wrapped around your waist and her lips slightly parted. You had memorised the way the corner of her lips tilted up into a smirk when she knew she had the upper hand. Your heart still bore the scars from the times you had seen the sparkle in her eyes be dimmed and replaced by glistening tears. When you closed your eyes you could still map out every wrinkle, every freckle and every stretch mark that adorned her beautiful body.

And never once did you doubt her devotion to you. It was clear in the way she looked up at you, in the way her hands so carefully traced your body, as if you were made of glass, in the whispered words when it was just the two of you in bed, your limbs tangled together, unclear where she ended and you began. The way she so reverently breathed your name when she watched you come undone left no room for doubt.

She was your partner in crime, both literally and figuratively. She was the brain behind the cons and scams you had been doing for years now. You two worked like a well oiled machine successfully pulling off anything Robyn’s mind could come up with. One look, a single word, or the smallest hand gesture was all that was needed to understand the other.

You were on the same wavelength about almost everything, you understood the other like no one else could.. or so you had thought. You had never questioned anything, had never needed to, life had been as perfect as it could get, everything was running smoothly, you had no reason to doubt anything, so you hadn’t. You had followed every direction, joined every one of Robyn’s whims and had let her guide you through life, without question.

So when one day you had returned from an errand she sent you on and found your shared apartment empty and devoid of any of her stuff, all traces of her presence erased, your heart had plummeted into your stomach. You had searched every nook and cranny for any sort of message, explanation, reason, but had found nothing. You lost count of how many times you had called her, leaving voicemail after voicemail, sending message after message, until she had blocked your number. That’s when it hit you square in the face, any hope you had previously harboured that there was a logical explanation for this, was thrown out the window. She had abandoned you, just like that, from one day to the next.

You cursed yourself then, for blindly following her, for devoting yourself to her so fully that you had never doubted her, questioned her, and now it had come back to haunt you. You spent days in bed, going over every interaction you had had with her that past month to try and figure out if she had given any indications that she had planned this, trying to figure out if you had missed any clues or signs. But no matter how long you spent reliving the past, examining every little word she had spoken and expression her face had held, you came up with nothing. Nothing had been different, nothing had changed… not until you had come home to an empty apartment.

You had spent those nights crying yourself to sleep, hugging the pillow Robyn once laid her head on and sobbing into it as the realisation that she had left you just like that began to fully sink in.

The next few weeks were a blur, you had attempted to forget her, tried to find a way to move on, but nothing worked. You had lost count of the many different methods you had tried, attempting everything your friends had suggested.

You had tried drinking and spending the night in the arms of a stranger, hoping they would make you forget, but you only felt worse the next morning, as if you’d been unfaithful to her, as if you’d broken some sacred oath you didn’t know you had sworn. They had been nothing but an agonising reminder of what you had lost, proof that she had ruined you for anyone else.

You had tried journaling and going to therapy, but anything you wrote about her ended up littered with praise and devotion, and the second your therapist spoke a negative word about her it felt like you were betraying her. You couldn’t speak negatively about her, not even after she had ripped out your heart so carelessly.

You had spent evenings sitting on the cold floor of your kitchen, crying your heart out and letting yourself just drown in your feelings. ‘I know it’s over’ by The Smiths played on repeat, as a way to poke the wound in your chest, the last thing Robyn gave you, the only thing of hers you still had. She loved The Smiths, had introduced you to them, had told you her heartbreaking stories that she related to the songs… and now she had become a heartbreaking story that you related to their song. Those evenings became too much for you to handle, the emotions too intense as you poked and prodded at the gaping hole Robyn left behind in your chest.

So out of pure desperation you had even tried going to church and talking to a priest. But words had failed you, and the only way you knew how to worship was through Robyn, the only prayers you knew had been spoken at her altar, through whispered promises and soft kisses. But those promises had turned out to be lies, and your lips burned with the knowledge of what it was like to kiss Robyn’s skin. No, you could never worship another being, not after what she had done to you.

Nothing you had tried had brought you any solace, nothing quieted the questions plaguing your mind as you tried to make sense of the situation. You frequently thought back to the last few moments you spent together, hoping to somehow find a new piece of information that would make everything make sense.

You sighed happily as you felt Robyn play with your hair, your head positioned in her lap as you looked up at her, studying her features. You loved afternoons like this, where nothing was planned and you just got to lay on the couch, head in Robyn’s lap, simply enjoying each other’s company.

Your eyes drifted to the wrinkles above her upper lip, you took your time memorising how each line adorned her skin, your eyes then continued their journey downwards and focused on her lips. You thought back to the many times you had felt them on your own, how soft they felt against your skin when they explored your body as she left her mark, the sounds that escaped them when you fingered her. Robyn cleared her throat, pulling you out of your thoughts. So you reluctantly pulled your eyes away from her lips and focused on her eyes as she spoke.

“I need you to do me a favour, baby. Remember those clay figures I made? Can you go grab them from the storage box for me, please?”

Robyn’s voice was soft and tender while she looked at you with pleading eyes. You couldn’t say no to her when she looked at you like that, you had lost the battle before it had even started, yet you still weren’t going without putting up a protest.

“Why do you need them now? I’m so comfortable.. besides that place gives me the creeps.”

You almost whined the words, not wanting to leave the comfort and safety of Robyn’s lap. Her hands stopped playing with your hair and she chuckled as you pouted while looking up at her. You both knew this was futile, you could never deny her anything when she looked at you like this, still you didn’t want to look like too much of a pushover.

“I’ll explain it when you get back, darling. Please, I promise we can cuddle more afterwards. I’ll reward you for facing your fears”

Her voice turned playful when she said the last sentence, the innuendo behind it barely hidden as she gave you that look. You blushed a little as you thought of what Robyn might have in mind, she did love making you sit on her face as a reward. You sighed and didn’t probe any further, deciding the trip would be worth it.

You quickly got up, the faster you got up and left, the faster you were back to collect your prize. It didn’t stop you from complaining and grumbling the entire time while you got ready though. You heard Robyn laugh at your complaints, as she mumbled something about you being far too dramatic.

Once you were ready to leave she had gotten up and kissed your lips tenderly and lovingly, before pulling back with a small smile on her lips, her voice was soft as she spoke.

“Thank you, my angel, I love you.”

You still got butterflies whenever you heard those three words, no matter how much she had said them before, hearing them tumble from her lips still made you feel giddy, even when she was making you leave the comfort of your home to grab some stupid clay figures.

“I love you too.”

That was the last thing you had said to her, you had pecked her lips once more and then made your way to your storage box. By now you couldn’t remember how long you’d been gone, but it had been long enough for her to pack up everything she owned and leave before you came back home.

You opened the door to your apartment, beginning to talk the second you walked through the door.

“Babe, I couldn’t find the cardboard box with your clay figures! Are you sure they’re not here? You’re going to have some extra making up to do if I went all the way up there for nothing.”

Your voice was teasing and playful as you took off your shoes and coat. You waited for an answer but the expected response never came, instead an eerie silence filled the apartment.

As you walked through the apartment, in search of Robyn, you realised all of her stuff was gone.. and so was she. That’s when the search for any kind of message she may have left behind began.

You had dissected every single moment of that day, every minute had been held under a magnifying glass as you tried to find anything that could point to Robyn leaving you later that day, but every single time the search left you empty handed and with more questions than before.

That morning had started the same as any other, Robyn had been the first one up and, just like every other morning, she had made you a cup of coffee before waking you up by placing a gentle kiss on your temple. The kiss hadn’t lingered longer than it normally did, the coffee hadn’t tasted different than it usually had, and she hadn’t said anything she otherwise wouldn’t.

You had made breakfast while she teased you, her words hadn’t been sharper or more stinging than usual. She stole kisses that hadn’t been more fleeting than any of the kisses she usually placed on your lips. She distracted you, loudly singing along to the music she had put on in the background, the same music she always played when you cooked for her. It had been just like every other lazy morning you had spent together.

And like on most days you decided to take off, you two had ended up on the couch, your head in her lap, there had been nothing different in the way her fingers raked through your hair, her nails softly scratching your scalp, just the way you liked it. She hadn’t looked like she was in distress, neither like she was trying to savor the moment, nor like she was looking forward to it ending.

The way she had asked you for a favour hadn’t been any different to how she normally asked you. And when you had gotten ready, there hadn’t been any suitcases or cardboard boxes packed or scattered around, indicating that she might be leaving.

When she had kissed you goodbye it had been a kiss like any other, she had kissed you that way a million times before, and at the time you thought she would kiss you like that a million times more. It hadn’t lingered longer than usual, like she wanted to remember how you tasted or like she was saying goodbye. It hadn't been shorter than usual, like she just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible and didn’t actually want to kiss you.

The way she had spoken those three words hadn’t been different either. Even after all these weeks you could still hear the adoration and devotion behind them, you could still see the love and care in her eyes, like you always could when she said those words. She hadn’t said them with more passion or melancholy, there wasn’t any ingenuity or annoyance either.

It had been a normal, mundane day, one you’d had hundreds of times before. There had been nothing special or out of the ordinary about it. You almost wished it hadn’t been so nice, so usual, if instead you had had a huge fight, then you would have had something to blame, a reason for her disappearance.

Now you had been left with nothing but questions, your brain never once quieting down, the sadness slowly but surely turning into anger and determination. You were going to find her, it didn’t matter how, you needed to face her, yell at her, demand the answers she owed you, ask her how she could do this to you, ask her if you really had meant so little to her, when she had meant everything to you.

It had taken weeks, you had called in multiple favours and used every connection you had, but you had finally found out where she was. Iowa… she had fled to Iowa City, of all places. When one of your connections had contacted you and sent you the address, you had asked if they were sure.. the Robyn you knew would never set foot in Iowa, the very people you scammed lived in places like Iowa. But they had checked and double checked and reassured you that they were one hundred percent certain.

It was another reminder that you might not know her as well as you thought you had, another harsh slap to the face as reality hit you once again. You had thought you were able to read her mind, you had been sure of it, you had spent years of your life with her… years she had thrown away one random morning, without an explanation, without a reason, without you seeing it coming… proof that you had no clue who she really was.

You packed your bags and jumped on the first plane to Iowa, determined to get the answers you deserved, you needed, if you wanted even a shot at trying to get over her. Part of you, the painfully hopeful one, hoped you might talk some sense into her, get her to come back home with you. It hoped that you could talk it all out, that there was some logical explanation for this, and that you could pick up where you had left off, without anything changing. The other part of you wanted to scream at her till you were hoarse, wanted to throw every insult you could think of at her, wanted to demand answers, and then shout at her some more. You weren’t sure which side you preferred.

The entire plane ride was excruciatingly painful. It lasted way too long and your thoughts would not leave you alone. Your mind was full of her, it always was, it had been ever since you first met her. At first you had just been colleagues of sorts… you scammed people together, you were partners in crime. That relationship had slowly but surely bloomed into something more, something deeper. You had fallen deeply and madly in love with her, and she somehow had reciprocated those feelings… or so she had claimed, at least. You had felt like the luckiest person on the planet at the time… now you doubted if she ever actually loved you.

Memories of your time together flooded you, from the first cons you had successfully pulled off together, to the evenings you had spent in her apartment, listening to songs, smoking weed, blushing whenever she caught you staring at her, to the night you had confessed your feelings to her, afraid to be rejected but no longer able to keep it all in. You could still feel the way her lips had crashed onto yours when you had finally admitted to having a crush on her. The kiss had been passionate, hurried and clumsy, but perfect nonetheless, all of her feelings towards you becoming clear to you without any words, the kiss speaking for itself.

You remembered how she had told you she loved you one random morning, after you had stayed the night, something that happened often after that kiss. You had stolen one of her boxers and her robe, softly humming one of her favourite songs to yourself as you made breakfast for the both of you. You hadn’t noticed she had walked into the kitchen till she placed the gentlest of kisses on your cheek before breathing out those three words. The way her face turned bright red, the worried frown that had appeared on her face, her inability to hold eye contact, and the way she anxiously bit her lip, were burned into your memory.

You remembered how you had dropped the spoon you were holding as the words reached your ears, pure joy taking over your heart as you realised that the woman in front of you felt the exact same way you did. Before she could utter some sort of excuse you had told her you loved her too. The way all of the worry had disappeared from her face as it lit up with disbelief, joy and love, was something you would never be able to forget, much like the intense and passionate sex you had had moments after. It had been your first time making love, instead of just fucking.

She loved you at some point, she must have… there was no way she hadn’t, she couldn’t have faked any of that, not even if she were the best actress this world had ever seen. You questioned if she still loved you, if maybe something out of her control had happened, if maybe this was salvageable. The same pain that had been haunting you for months had made itself known as you thought about the possibility that she had simply stopped loving you and hadn’t had the balls to tell you, so she had fled like a coward. It was entirely unlike her, she never ran away from conflict, she didn’t see confrontations or conflict as something bad. But then again, you weren’t entirely sure if you could still correctly say what was and what wasn’t like her.

Your mind kept running through every single possible scenario of what might have happened, so by the time you were back on solid ground, you felt worse than you had in days. The all too familiar pain that had been a constant these past few weeks had doubled in intensity, and you felt nauseous when you realised that you were about to confront the woman who was responsible for this emotional anguish.

The entire drive to the address you had been given had been even more hellish than the plane ride, as both parts of your brain fought for the upper hand. A war had been waging inside you, as you tried to decide whether to shout at her or beg her to come home, and neither side had won. So now you were standing in front of the door that separated you from Robyn and from all the answers you craved, unsure on what you should do. You wanted to scream in her face, you wanted to beg her to come home, you needed answers, you needed to be held by her.

Your anxiety spiked and your heart rate rapidly increased, the longer you thought about it, the less you knew what you wanted to do. So you knocked on the door and hoped for the best, whatever came out, came out. You nervously shifted your weight from one foot to the other as you waited for the door to open, tears forming in your eyes as your emotions overwhelmed you.

Your heart sank when a blonde woman opened the door… so it had been the wrong address… you knew Robyn wouldn’t be in Iowa. You sighed as you tried your best to form a coherent sentence when the woman shot you a confused and questioning look.

“Sorry, I’m looking for someone but seem to have the wrong address…”

Your voice shook a little as your heart still hammered inside your chest, disappointment beginning to settle deep into your bones. You hadn’t realised how much you had looked forward to seeing her again till the possibility had been ripped from you once more.

“Oh. Who are you looking for? Maybe I can help, I know most people in the neighbourhood.”

You doubted she could, you were quite sure Robyn wasn’t here, but the woman sounded so kind and sweet and eager to help that you couldn’t bring yourself to just dismiss her.

“That’s very kind of you but I’m not sure if you’ll know her… I’m not even sure she’s here… I mean this doesn’t really seem like the kind of place Robyn-”

Before you could even finish your sentence a familiar voice reached your ears, your heart plummeting even further, the words being stolen out of your mouth. You tried your best to stop the tears from streaming down your face as your heart shattered.

“Sharon? Who is it?!”

There was no mistaking it… that was Robyn… your Robyn… what was she doing here, living with another woman?! Had she left you for her? Was that why she had disappeared without another word? How would she have even met this Sharon? You spent every second of every day together, before she left. Or maybe she had just moved on already? Maybe they had met, instantly clicked, and had moved in together in the span of months… it seemed unlikely but then again, nothing about this entire situation made sense.

You tried your best to keep the rising jealousy at bay. Did you even have a right to be jealous? Technically Robyn had never broken up with you… but her actions had spoken louder than words. The world around you ceased to matter as everything crumbled around you, you had so many new questions and you weren’t sure you still wanted the answers.

You saw Sharon’s mouth move, presumably to answer Robyn’s question, but your thoughts were too loud for you to be able to focus on what she was saying. Before you even fully registered what was happening, Robyn appeared in the doorway, and your hammering heart and racing thoughts stopped for a split second, as reality came crashing down on you. Your mouth moved before your brain caught up to it, your voice sounded strange to your own ears, you sounded cold, almost indifferent, as if you weren’t dying inside.

“I never found those clay figures.”

[mountttmase]

Damage Is Done

Note - a bit of Sunday evening pain for you all inspired by this TikTok. I really hope you enjoy this and I would really appreciate some feedback as I need some motivation 😭. Thank you my loves 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 10K

Warnings - Angst and fluff

Here we go

Never had those words had so much meaning before. You felt sick to your stomach as soon as you’d seen them and the waves of uneasiness were rolling through you until you felt suffocated.

You knew it was a possibility but you also knew it wasn’t 100% what your boyfriend of 10 months wanted so you were holding out hope things would change. After every rejected offer a little bit of hope filled your heart that he would be sticking around but this had hit you like a truck as you knew what it meant for the pair of you.

Stupidly enough, you and Mason hadn’t spoken about the possible move. You wanted to be his safe place and whilst you knew what was going on, you kept that topic at the back of your minds but as the months had passed you were wondering if he was keeping you away on purpose. Maybe if once his life changed that meant you no longer were a part of it and the thought was eating you up inside.

There wasn’t much to do but you made sure to tidy the place up a little as a distraction. You knew this was about to be a hard conversation and before you had time to even think about it anymore your buzzer was ringing.

You opened the entrance for him without a word before going to open your door and he was rounding the corner into view. You couldn’t tell what expression he was wearing and you were hoping yours was neutral and when he wrapped you up in his arms on your doorstep and you held onto him as tightly as you could.

You both didn’t move for a while, just held each other and you could feel him relaxing in your arms as your eyes filled with tears. He smelt more like Mason than he ever had and you breathed in his delicious scent before he pulled back slightly so he could drop a kiss on your forehead.

It was clear to see how much lighter he looked, the dark clouds that had been following him around for the last few months had finally made way for the sunshine and you could see the relief sparking in his warm eyes.

‘I take it you’ve seen it’ he whispered, rubbing up and down your back soothingly as you nodded whilst trying to keep your face blank.

‘Let’s go sit’ you whispered, nodding over to your sofa and you let him wonder over so you could shut the door before joining him. He sat down with a thump, his hoodie thrown on the arm of the chair next to him before he opened his arms for you. You knew it wasn’t a good idea but you let yourself melt into him, tucking yourself into his body as you held each other again but his thumb that was slowly stroking across your cheek made you look up at him.

You let him kiss you, gripping onto his shoulders for dear life, trying to memorise the feel of his lips against yours as you weren’t sure how things were about to play out. You wanted the feel of them tattooed on your brain as he softly brushed his tongue against yours but the playful bite of your bottom lip made you smile. It didn’t feel like a goodbye kiss but in your mind all the signs seemed to be pointing that way.

‘How are you feeling?’ You asked him a few moments after, trying to change the subject as your hands rested on his chest whilst his circled around your waist and you could tell even though he was happy he was still a little conflicted

‘I’m not sure, a mix of stuff really. Exhausted but relived. Sad things are over but excited to start over somewhere new. What about you?’

You didn’t know how to answer, burying your head into his neck as he just held you. His words confused you as you weren’t sure why he wanted you to know he was excited to start over without you.

‘It’s okay bubs. You don’t have to worry about anything’ he whispered, kissing your temple lightly. ‘I know it’s a lot and I don’t expect you to drop everything just for me’

There it was, the moment you’d been waiting for. Mason confining had had no intentions of taking you with him or even asking you what you wanted. he was quite happy for you to stay here and be without him. It stung to hear the words finally coming from him though and you gulped down the upset feeling rising in your tummy at that fact he’d made his mind up for the both of you.

‘I should of known this was coming’ you laughed, pulling away from him

‘Wait what?’ He whispered, his brows furrowing as he cocked his head to the side. ‘What’s going on?’

‘I take it you only came to get your stuff? There’s no need for a big goodbye you can just go’ you told him, wanting him out so you could be in your own.

‘What the fuck are you talking about?’

‘You’re leaving, so go’

‘Why are you being like this? I thought-‘

‘Whatever you thought, you thought wrong. You haven’t spoken to me at all about this whole thing and now you’re just moving on. It’s fine I saw it coming a mile off’ you told him, standing up as you knew you were getting angry and upset. You knew you were being a little unreasonable but the fact he hadn’t involved you in any of his transfer or move hurt and you didn’t want to hear him out.

You’d been his distraction throughout all these hard months, but now you were wondering if that’s all you were to him. Now he was through it he was off to start his new life without you and it stung more than you ever thought it could.

‘I can’t believe you. After everything we’ve been through your just gonna chuck me out like this. Without even talking about it?’

‘What’s to talk about? You’ve made your mind up. You wanna leave so leave’

‘I don’t have a choice’ he shouted, standing up to face you but you refused to back down. You didn’t have a reply, unsure as to why he was so upset as he’d said himself he didn’t expect you to follow him so you continued watching him, wondering if you’d get anymore sense out but the small shake of his head made you realise you wouldn’t.

‘I’m going’ he suddenly snapped, walking towards the door without a second look back at you, flinching as you heard the door slam behind him.

This wasn’t how you were expecting things to go, unsure as to why Mason so upset as he’d gotten what he wanted but his reaction had left you feeling a little uneasy so you sat yourself back down in your sofa to take some breaths and clear your mind.

To say Mason was confused would be an understatement.

He’d arrived at your house for the comfort only you could give him but you’d been cold and dismissive as soon as he’d bought the move up and he couldn’t figure out why.

He was ready to reassure you that the pair of you would be fine. That he knew you couldn’t leave right away but he’d make sure the pair of you were looked after and he’d have things ready for you when you could join him but he hadn’t got the chance to tell you. You were too quick to jump in and blame him for something he wasn’t quite sure of right this second.

He didn’t waste any time getting out of the car park though and racing back home, his mind replaying the conversation to try and figure out what had changed. Had he missed something? Did he say something unintentionally? The last few weeks had been a blur and he’d only felt his mind stop racing when he was in your arms so the interaction you’d just had confused the hell out of him.

Thankfully Woody was the only one at his house when he got there, the rest of his family still on the way up, but Woody knew something was wrong immediately.

‘I think she’s just ended things with me, mate’ Mason told him, recounting the whole conversation as Woody listened and tried to see things from your side but he was just as confused as Mason was.

‘Maybe have a day to cool down and message her tomorrow or something?’ He reasoned and mason agreed. Hoping tomorrow he could clear the air slightly and maybe get to the bottom of everything.

The next morning after a fairly awful nights sleep he got to crafting a message for you. He was still hurt and angry and also feeling a little petty about the whole thing so against his better judgment he said somethings he didn’t mean. Hoping to grab your attention and make you want to talk things through but as soon as he hit sent he wondered if he should consulted Woody first.

You were just putting your washing up away when you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, fishing it out to reveal Masons name and your heart thudded in your chest at what me might have to say to you. Hoping it would be an apology but you weren’t prepared for what was written.

Was he joking?

You couldn’t even think of a reply, anger filling your mind at how he was making himself out to be the victim, saying his love wasn’t enough for you and to have a nice life. You were still furious with him for leaving you here so you replied in the most childish way you knew before switching your phone off.

Was she joking?

‘Woody, remind me to never take your advice again’

‘What you on about’ he laughed, catching Masons phone that he threw at him so he could read over the message.

‘Not the thumbs up. Damn, that girls cold’

‘That’s one fucking word for it’

‘Look at it this way, at least you know what she’s like now yeah?’

‘Well it’s a bit late now, I wished you would of warned me what she was like before you introduced me to her’ he huffed.

‘She’s never been like this before I swear’

‘I can’t believe I wanted her to move away with me’ Mason mumbled, taking his phone back so he could quickly block your number before throwing it to to the side of him.

This was so unlike you, so unlike what he thought you were and it had him looking back over your whole relationship to try and figure out if he’s missed something in your personality or been blinded by love to overlook all your awful qualities but he couldn’t think of anything. He knew you inside out and this wasn’t you.

You were always so warm and caring, one look from you always made his whole day better and it was breaking his heart that everything seemed to be tainted. His heart felt heavy in his chest as he tried to hold his emotions in and for the most part he had but the realisation that the person he’d placed all his bets on wasn’t who he thought they were made his eyes fill with tears so he face planted the sofa in hopes Woody wouldn’t notice.

The next night he wondered if he’d been too hasty, quickly unblocking your number so if you wanted to reach out to him you could but it seemed as though there was no need for it.

Two months passed and he didn’t hear from you.

He’d settled in up north pretty quickly, moving into a new house after he’d made it back from pre season tour and whilst he tried to make it into a home, it didn’t feel that way without you in it. He felt like a stranger rattling around in a huge house with no one to share it with but you were still silent on your end and he didn’t have the heart to reach out to try and speak to you to be shot down again.

He had no idea you were craving the same thing as he was though. You just wanted to speak to him but you were hurt at the way he’d moved on so quickly and your pride was keeping you away from him.

You couldn’t help but look out for him and how he was doing now, the bright smile on his face breaking your heart as he seemed so much happier without you and even though you were angry with him for not including you in his new life, you were yearning to be back in his presence. The hoodie he left the night you sent him away a constant reminder of what you once had and even though you’d hidden it away in the beginning, you found yourself wearing it more often than not in hopes you could feel close to him and hopefully it would heal your broken heart.

Nothing worked though, even popping to the local cafe where you and Mason would get breakfast as often as you could made you feel awful. You sat in the booth you always liked to go in to make yourself feel a bit closer to him but you just felt sad and even more alone. You were so stuck in a daze though you didn’t feel anyone come up and stand in front of you until they let out a little cough to snap you out of your trance.

‘Woody? What are you doing here?’

‘Could ask you the same question’ he replied, sitting himself opposite you. ‘You’ve been avoiding me’

‘Is that a question or a statement?’

‘It’s a fact’

He was right, you had been avoiding him. You’d known Woody for a few years and he’d introduced to you Mason in the first place but you didn’t have the heart to see him right now. He’d been your biggest supporter and you felt like you’d let him down with the way everything had ended. You knew he’d tried reaching out a few times but you didn’t have the energy or heart speak to him as he was too close to Mason.

‘I probably shouldn’t say this, but you were cold as fuck with that whole thumbs up thing’ he laughed and you felt your face heat up as he recounted the last bit of contact you and Mason had. ‘Like it was shit of you but I was impressed’

‘Shit of me? He’s the one that wanted to start a new life without me, it’s not like I’m gonna be polite to him after that am I?’

‘What are you on about?’ He asked, brows furrowed as he looked at you like you were speaking another language but you were tired of Woody thinking you were the bad guy.

‘Dont play dumb Woody. He had the whole move figured out and I was never a part of it, he basically said so himself’

‘What did he say exactly?’

‘That he doesn’t expect me to go with him. That he’s fine with me staying here’ you told him, watching his face fall into his hands before looking up at you with a bewildered expression.

‘You really are stupid sometimes you know that?’

‘What the hell? I know you’ve known him longer but I thought you’d at least sympathise with me’

‘Not when you’ve got the complete wrong end of the stick you doughnut. Sure, he didn’t expect you to drop your whole life and move with him then and there but when you were ready to join him he was making sure you’d have everything you need’

‘What?’

‘He didn’t want you to worry about any of that stuff, he was taking care of it so he could make sure you weren’t stressed. He knew moving would be a big deal for but he wanted you there with him so that’s why tried to take it on himself. When they were asking what sort of things he needed for his new place he said the only two things would be somewhere with an office so that when you came up after you’d sorted yourself out you’d have a place to work and somewhere close to the station so you could get to the office on the days you needed to’

‘But he never said that’ you whispered, a sinking feeling rushing through you that maybe you’d jumped the gun too quick, your bottom lip wobbling seemingly on its own and you thought back to that last conversation with him.

‘He never said it or you never gave him a chance to?’ He questioned and your body felt cold. ‘I know he probably wasn’t very forthcoming with it but I think he liked that he could forget all that stuff around you. You were like his little safe island where none of that mattered and I think he just presumed you’d go with him’

‘Oh god’ you breathed, reality now hitting you that you’d messed up ‘oh fuck no’ you whispered, grabbing your phone and heading straight to his number so you could call him but it didn’t even ring or give you the chance to leave a message. ‘He’s blocked me’

‘Can you blame him? You kinda went in on him a bit’ he smiled before reaching for your forearm. ‘Look, I’ll try and speak to him yeah? Let him know you got confused’

‘No it doesn’t matter’ you told him, shaking your head. ‘Damage is done now. I uh, I need to head off’ you told him, scrambling up from your seat but he was quick to get up too and pull you into a hug. You managed to hold it together with him but as soon as you were home you broke down.

You felt awful, this whole thing could of been fixed if you would if you would of just listened to him for a little longer but you didn’t let him and blew everything you had into pieces.

Woodys words were playing on your mind and had been for a whole week. Looking back, you now understood why he was he was so angry with you that night, you didn’t give him a chance to say his piece and made your mind up for yourself that he didn’t want you there. The dust had settled but there was no way of talking to him and no way resolution right now but all you could think about what what you would say to him if you got the chance.

It was Friday, you’d just got in from work and you felt like curling up into a ball and crying. Nothing had gone right all day and you were craving one of those hug only Mason could give you.

He was always so warm and welcoming, his hugs like no one else’s as they seemed to warm you from the inside and it’s like you could still feel him wrapped around you as you thought about him. Everything about him was perfect and you’d let him slip through your fingers with no real way of getting in contact with him as your number was blocked. All you could think about was him and holding him to the point where you couldn’t take it anymore.

It was like something inside you snapped. You were in your room in a flash to quickly pull a bag of clothes together before making your way to the train station. You didn’t think about any of it, just booked yourself a ticket and got on a train. The only thought in your head was going to find Mason so you could apologise and make him see sense but you were 20 minutes in when you realised you had no idea where he lived or where he’d be.

You tried calling Woody but he didn’t answer, feeling hopeless that you’d dropped a load of money on a train ticket and a last minute hotel room for nothing when the perfect person sprung to mind.

To say Luke was surprised to hear from you would be an understatement, you’d met him a couple of times at games or when Mason played for England and he was initially a bit cautious but once you turned the waterworks on you felt his resolve crumble. He let you know there was a big party they were all going to tonight for a mutual friends birthday and to text him when you were there so he could come and get you and you couldn’t be more thankful. A sick, excited feeling in the pit of your tummy as you knew you’d finally be able to see him.

By the time you’d made it to your hotel and make yourself look semi presentable it was around 11pm and it was another half hour from there so you were hoping Mason was still in a relatively sensible state but you’d take him however he came at this point. You just needed to see him.

‘Where are you going?’ Mason called, watching Luke try to slip through the crowds but he held up his phone as if he was telling him he was off to take a call.

‘I won’t be long yeah? Just stay there’ like called before he was quickly out of sight. Where is he expecting me to go? He thought, eyes flittering around the group he was in and even though he was happy to be there, the sadness in his tummy was still dragging him down and times like this made it even worse.

‘Mason?’ he suddenly heard a voice say to his left and his head snapped round to meet it. Eyes lighting up at the sight in front of him as he held his arms out for the much smaller frame to fit into with a huge smile on his face.

As promised, Luke came and met you by the door and after a big hug of reassurance he lead you over to hopefully where Mason would be.

‘Mason’ you heard Luke call over the music, fighting your way through the bodies at the perimeter of the table until your eyes landed directly on his. You wished you could of looked away though as the sight in front of you made you feel sick.

There he stood, his arm around another girls waist as her lips trialed across his jaw. The smile on his face was the one that was usually reserved for you but you watched it drop at the sight of you and it was like you could feel your heart shatter in your chest.

‘What is she doing here?’ Mason growled, body swaying as he’d had more than enough to drink. His anger was directed towards Luke for now but his furious eyes were on you before he had a chance to reply. ‘I don’t fucking want you here’

You couldn’t handle another second even though you’d just got there but you were hurt and embarrassed enough so you turned on your heel and headed out the way you came. You could hear Luke’s voice booming over the music but you didn’t listen to what he was saying, just trying to get out as quickly as you could and as the cold air hit you, you felt your eyes finally start to sting.

You didn’t know what to do or where to go but you fished your phone out of your bag so you could call yourself a taxi through your tears whilst walking down the side of the building to get out of everyone’s way.

The sound of a door slamming behind you made you jump, looking round to see the last person you thought would of followed you out but Mason was looking back at you. Eyes hard and jaw set and he made his way over but he stopped before he got too close.

‘Why are you here, y/n?’

‘I don’t know’

‘Don’t give me that bullshit’ he snarled, his words slightly slurred as he balled his hands into fists. ‘Tell me why you’re here’

‘You blocked me and-‘

‘Are you joking?’ He laughed but you knew there was no humour in it. ‘Why the hell would I want to talk to you?’

‘Mase I-‘

‘Do you not remember the last bit of contact we had? I tried reaching out to leave things on good terms even though you’d been completely unreasonable and you send me fucking thumbs up? Ten months together and that’s all I deserve? a thumbs up?’

‘I didn’t-‘

‘No you fucking abandoned me’ he growled. ‘I needed you and you let me come here on my own’

‘But you said-‘

‘I know what I said but I didn’t fucking mean it like that’ he snapped.

‘I’m so sorry’ you breathed. ‘I didn’t even know if you want me to come with you’

‘Why would I not want you to come? You’re my everything. Were my everything sorry’

‘Mase please-‘

‘You wanna know what I’ve found most difficult about all of this? you never even let me speak, you made your mind up for the both of us and that’s not what I wanted. I wanted you to choose me and you didn’t’ he breathed. His eyes full of tears and you couldn’t help but feel like the worst person in the world as he swayed slightly before regaining his balance.

‘You told me you didn’t want me to come’

‘No I never. I said I didn’t expect you to join me right then and there cause you had your own shit to sort but I never for one second said I didn’t want you here. You just jumped down my throat and told me what you thought I meant before I had a chance to say anything. I really saw a future with you but you obviously didn’t see one with me’ he sniffed.

You wanted to tell him he was wrong. That the only future you saw was with him and life had been hell without him but you knew it probably wouldn’t make a difference at this point so you kept silent, the only sound you could hear were his ragged breathing as he tried to calm himself. You expected him to be surprised to see you but nothing could of prepared you for this and when he looked up to meet your eyes again you felt your insides shatter at how vulnerable he seemed.

‘Sometimes I wish you would of just done the honourable thing and cheated on me’ he confessed quietly. ‘like I wish you would of made me hate you but I can’t’ he whimpered and it took everything in you not to reach for him and comfort him. ‘I’ve painted you out to be the villain to everyone to try and make it easier on myself and I know you’re not but all of this is so fucking hard. I just wanna move on and I can’t and you showing up here doesn’t make it any easier’

‘It didn’t look like you were finding it difficult to move on in there’ you muttered under your breath and you hadn’t meant for the words to slip out but your ego was still bruised from seeing him with someone else.

‘Don’t you dare turn this around on me’ he growled, becoming furious again at what you’d said and you knew it was a low blow so you shook yourself off try and apologise and bring him back around.

‘Mase can we please just talk. I’ve come all this way, please just listen to me’ you pleaded, stepping towards him and even though he didn’t move away from you, keeping completely still, you felt your heart sink even further.

‘I don’t want to’

‘Please Mase. Come on, it’s me. You know me and you know how awful I feel about all of it’

‘Do I know you?’ He questioned. ‘My y/n would of never let me come here on my own. My y/n would of stuck by me like I always did for her’

‘I’m still yours Mase, please’ you cried, reaching for him so you could cup his jaw and your heart thudded in your chest as his head melted into your hands but he was snapped out of it almost instantly, his hands grabbing your wrists gently so he could pull you off and you couldn’t help but sob as he let go of you.

‘I need you to listen to me yeah?’ He swallowed, his eyes looking directly into yours and you could see how hard they were even in the dark. ‘You broke my heart, y/n’ he said tearfully, his voice raw like he’d been screaming for hours. He words hitting you like a tone of bricks and even though you knew it already, it hurt ten times worse to hear it coming from his lips. ‘Stamped all over it and I’ll never be able to forget how you made me feel’

‘I made a mistake, Mason. I’m here to fix it. To fix us’

‘You can’t’ he told you flatly and it was only then you let you first tears fall.

It may have been your blurred vision but you thought you saw his facade crack ever so slightly, wondering you were finally getting through to him but his stoney exterior was back in the blink of an eye and you knew there was no point talking to him in this state but you still desperately tried.

‘Mason please, I’ll do anything-‘

‘Look, I think you should go. I want you to go’ he gulped, reaching for his phone. ‘I’ll get you an Uber yeah, just put in where you’re staying’

‘You’re not giving me a chance’

‘You never gave us a chance in the first place’ he whimpered, ‘please I can’t do this right now y/n I just need you to go’ he told you, handing you his phone and you realised there was no point in arguing.

‘It’s fine I’ll get it myself’ you sighed, quickly opening the app but before you could confirm the booking you looked back up to him. If this was it and you were done then you couldn’t leave without a proper goodbye. Everything inside of you was telling you to stop but you didn’t listen, you let your heart speak for you even though you knew you’d be crushed. ‘I know I don’t really have a right to ask but please can I kiss you? Just one more time so I can say goodbye properly’ you asked and just as you were expecting, he shook his head to say no. ‘Okay. I’ll go’ you whispered, turning to walk back onto the street to find your taxi, the sinking feeling threatening to drown you but his hand on your wrist stopped you in your tracks.

His lips were on yours on a flash, snapping you out of your upset trance as you shivered at his touch. It wasn’t the soft goodbye kiss you were hoping for, he was rough and holding your waist in a tight grip as you tried to kiss him back with as much force but he was pulling away soon after.

‘Fuck, I shouldn’t of done that’ he whispered, turning around to walk back inside and you thought better than to reach for him again but your brain was still trying to fight for him.

‘Please, Mason. I can’t loose you’ you called, voice thick with tears as he stopped at the door. You watched as his turned ever so slightly, eyes downcast before sticking the final knife in.

‘You already have’

He didn’t turn back, slamming the door on the way inside and you let him go, biting your lip to keep your emotions at bay as you stumbled back onto the main Street. Your Uber was only a few moments away and you were soon heading off, eyes looking up as you passed the main entrance but you wished you would of looked away sooner.

He had his head down and his hood up, but you knew it was him. The girl who was draped over him inside now had her hand clasped in his as she followed behind him into a taxi and you felt like throwing up all over the back seat. You felt at blame for the whole misunderstanding and watching him take another girl home was the least you felt you deserved.

Woody eventually returned your call just as you got to your room. You managed to hold it together but you could tell he knew you were upset as you told him you’d come to speak to Mason and it didn’t end well. He tried convincing you to let him speak to Mason tomorrow before you left but you told him there was no point and you promised you’d give him a call when you were back home the next day.

That wasn’t the end of Woody’s calls that night though, with Mason calling him about an hour after to let him know he’d seen you and the huff that Woody let out let him know Woody wasn’t happy with him.

‘First of all mate, it’s 2am. I know you live a few hours away now but that doesn’t mean we’re living in different time zones like could this not of waited?’

‘Sorry mate, I just didn’t know who to talk to’ Mason said sadly and Woody felt bad instantly but between you and Mason crying on the phone to him about each other he wanted to bang your heads together.

‘Look I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but I saw y/n last week. She was in that cafe you used to go to for breakfast and she looked miserable as fuck like I’ve never seen her that sad. She tried calling you but you’ve blocked her number again haven’t you?’

‘She’s got no reason to be sad, she threw me out’ Mason replied, ignoring his comment about blocking your number as he’d only done it a few days ago and he still felt weird about it.

‘Cause she thought you were ending things mate. She got the wrong end of the stick and she jumped the gun’ he explained, stopping Mason in his tracks immediately. ‘I’ve just had her on the phone in tears cause you’ve basically done the same. Didn’t give her a chance to talk and apologise and then left with some girl’

‘How does she know that?’

‘She saw you get in the car with her, she’s in bits mate. Like nothing I said would calm her down or make her listen to me. What the fuck did you say to her man?’

It was true, you’d cried all night as the vision of him with someone else stung and all you could think about was what they might be doing together at this very second. You hadn’t been able to look at someone else let alone do what he was doing and no matter what you did the vision of the pair of them wouldn’t go.

You thought he would of been upset or shocked to see you but the anger rolling off of him had been a surprise and you knew now that there was no going back. He was done with you, trying his hardest to move on and you told yourself that when you got back home you’d do the same so you quickly went to his number in your phone and blocked it just like he’d done with you.

You woke up early the end morning, checking the train times to see the next one was in an hour so you quickly packed up and let reception know you needed a taxi to the station. It hurt knowing your trip here had been in vein but you told yourself at least you’d tried. He just hadn’t wanted to hear and that was fine.

As soon as the lift pinged open you could hear Masons voice and the sound of it shocked you. He sounded desperate and you followed it to the reception where he appeared to be arguing with the receptionist.

‘Look, I know she’s here, you know she’s here so just let me know what room she’s in-‘

‘Sir I’ve already explained I’m not allowed to do that’

‘Well then call her room’

‘Sir-‘

‘You’re not listening to me’

‘Mason?’ You questioned, coming to a stop a few meters behind him and you watched him whip round at the sound of you voice. A look of relief washing over him at the sight of you before he took a few frantic steps towards you.

‘Y/n thank god, I thought I’d missed you’

‘Why are you here?’ You asked but he was cut off from answering by the doorman.

‘Miss y/l/n, your taxi should be here in about five minutes’

‘No, don’t go. Please don’t go not yet’ he panicked, turning to the doorman so he could speak to him next. ‘It’s okay you can cancel that she doesn’t need it’

‘Mason, what’s going on?’

‘I don’t want you to leave like this. You came here for a reason and I know I’ve fucked it but please’ he whispered, holding your jaw as he looked into your eyes. ‘Please don’t go yet. Come back to mine and we’ll talk yeah? Properly talk and figure things out’

‘Mase-‘

‘Please. Please bubs I’ll do anything you want-‘

‘Okay it’s okay’ you interrupted, holding his wrists as he still cradled your face in his hands. His eyes switching from frantic to relieved in an instant at your words as he let out a breath. ‘Shhhh, it’s okay. I’m coming yeah?’ You told him, heart threatening to jump from your body at the old pet name he used to call you but this is what you came here for. To talk properly and even if things were over you wanted nothing unsaid.

‘Okay’ he nodded shyly, suddenly aware of the scene he’d caused in the hotel reception so he grabbed the handle of your case with one hand whilst the other lead you outside by the small of your back. ‘I’m just round here’ he mumbled when you were close and you let him pop your case in the boot as you got settled in the passenger seat.

The drive was silent, Mason focused on the road as you looked out onto the unfamiliar Manchester streets but you couldn’t take anything in. Too focused on what you were going to say to him when you got to his and you could still feel his hands on your jaw as he’d pleaded with you to stay.

You were shocked when he suddenly pulled into the drive of an impressive house, a similar style to his Cobham home but a little more cozy looking and you retuned his shy smile as he turned the engine off before you both got out. He lead you inside and into the living room where you took a seat on one of the sofas and he sat opposite you whilst he played with his fingers.

‘Can I get you anything?’

‘I’m okay thanks’

‘Do you have a train you need to get?’

‘The one I booked leaves in ten minutes but it’s fine I’ll get another one’

‘Sorry I didn’t even think’

‘No it’s fine, I’d rather us talk’ you reassured him and even thought he sent you a smile he still looked troubled as his eyes flickered over you but you were settled by the tiny smile that appeared.

‘Nice hoodie’ he commented, you face burning as you knew he’d recognised it as his own. The same one he’d left at yours that fateful night and the one you’d been wearing for comfort so you dipped your head out of embarrassment. ‘You wanna go first? I don’t even know where to start’ he chuckled.

‘I sort of do’ you murmured before gulping nervously. This was probably the last thing you should be saying but you had to know before you carried on as the thought had been eating you alive. ‘About last night, I know I don’t have a right to ask but, that girl? Did um-‘

‘Nothing happened’ he breathed, head falling into his hands. ‘We went back to hers but I didn’t even get out of the taxi. I only met her for the first time last night, we’ve been texting for a few days but nothing more. She was just a distraction from… well you know’ he told you, eyes never meeting yours but you knew he’d seen you nod. ‘And that’s the problem, all I’ve been doing is trying to distract myself cause it hurts too much to think about anything else but I realised last night I can’t carry on like this’

‘I’m so sorry, Mason’ you whispered tearfully, watching his head drop into his hands even further as he clearly didn’t want you to see how upset he was but all you could think about was comforting him so against your better judgement you stood up and made your way over to him. He hadn’t moved a muscle so you knelt down in between his knees and placed your hands on his thighs in hopes he would look at you but his eyes stayed stuck shut. You weren’t ready to give up yet though, squeezing his thighs gently as you tapped your head against his arm. ‘Mase? Look at me’ you whispered before he swallowed heavily, head moving ever so slightly and the sadness in his eyes broke you.

You didn’t say a word, just knelt up and snaked your arms around his shoulders so you could pull him into a hug and to your surprise he let you, his head finding home in your neck just like it used to as he held you to him and it was as if all the stress in his body left him as he melted into you.

‘I’ve missed you so much’ he confessed quietly into your neck, the feel of his lips on your skin sending shivers down your spine as your heart thudded in your chest. You couldn’t describe how it felt to be back in his arms but you wished it was under different circumstances.

‘I’ve missed you too’ you told him. ‘But that doesn’t make what I did okay. I know that’

‘I really needed you. This has all been so hard’

‘I’m so sorry’ you choked, squeezing him even harder as he did the same. ‘Will you let me explain?’

‘Okay’ he gulped, pulling back from you but helping you taking a seat next to him. You felt a little awkward and unsure of yourself but when he threaded his fingers through yours and kept them in his lap you relaxed ever so slightly. The feel of him giving you the strength to speak.

‘In all honesty, I wasn’t sure you wanted me to come here. I get the deal was up in the air and you weren’t even sure if it would happen but we didn’t talk about any possibility of me coming with you and I just assumed you wanted to go on your own at first. Or maybe it was your way of letting me know you didn’t want me there at all but when you said I didn’t have to worry about coming here I thought you were giving me an out and ending things. I only took it because I believed that’s what you wanted and I thought you were breaking up with me’

‘That’s not what I wanted at all, I just assumed you were coming’ he laughed, rubbing his eyes with the heal of his hand. ‘I know we didn’t speak about it but I had a million things on my mind and the possibility of you not coming with me wasn’t one of them’ he whispered ‘everything was changing you know? But you were the one certain thing I had, I didn’t even think I had to ask. Remember you told me, wherever I go, that’s where you’ll be’

‘I know and I’m so sorry’ you sobbed, head bowed as the tears fell from your eyes. ‘You had so much going on in those months and all I did was think about myself’

‘Come on love, you don’t have to beat yourself up about it’ he told you softly, pulling you into his grasp again so you could calm down to speak again properly but all you wanted was to hear his side. You’d spent the last two months being annoyed at him for no reason and you were desperate know how he was feeling.

‘I think it might be good if we just get things out in the open, you know? Let’s not leave anything unsaid’ you told him and he nodded lightly.

‘You sure?’ He asked and you nodded with a gulp.

‘I just wanna know how you were feeling’

‘Well I was pissed for a long time. I didn’t understand anything it’s like you’d just changed in a nano second. And then when I got here and I was settled I was more sad you know? just waiting for you to reach out to tell me you missed me too but the longer it took the more mad I got again. That’s why I went off on one last night like I think it’s just all built up. But I’m sorry for how I spoke to you and I’m sorry for kissing you and walking away that wasn’t fair of me no matter how drunk I was. Being close to you again just bought all these feelings up a I lost it a bit. I’m sorry you had to see me with that girl too but I’ve spoken to her this morning and said I don’t want to see her anymore’

‘Do you really wish I’d of cheated on you?’ You asked, voice barely above a whisper but you knew he’d heard as he shuffled over to you a touch.

‘A little bit’ he laughed. ‘I mean not now obviously but it would of made not wanting you a lot easier. Cause that’s never gone away you know? I’ve wanted you this whole time, loved you this whole time, no matter how mad I got’

You were overwhelmed by how nice he was being, a stark contrast from how he’d spoken to you yesterday but you were still unsure as to how things would end. Was this just a polite goodbye before you made your way home? Mason had never been that hard to read a whilst he was saying all the right things you knew you’d pushed him to the edge and getting him back wouldn’t be easy.

‘Hey come on’ he whispered, pulling you into his body before leaning back a bit. You felt like you didn’t have right to cry, you were the one who blew up first and wouldn’t listen to him but the fact you’d gotten it so wrong made your heart hurt and wished you could go back in time and hear him out.

His arms around you were more comforting than you ever thought they could be, his smell hitting you like a slap in the face as the soft skin of his neck was pressed up against your face but you felt your heart beat slow down as he grounded you. His hands rubbing over your back and arms to comfort you and even though everything was up in the air, you finally felt like you were home again.

‘I didn’t talk to you about that stuff because I just wanted one person who didn’t look at me like I was the worst person on the planet’ he explained, your mind thinking back to the awful way he’d been spoken about with only a few people in his corner. ‘Chelsea was all I knew, and to have them want to just toss me aside like that hurt more than I could ever tell you but with you I never felt bad. You were my little escape you know?’ He chuckled, kissing your temple lightly which made you squeeze him even harder. ‘I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere for so long, but I always did with you’

‘I feel so dumb’ you laughed tearfully. ‘I think I was just being defensive like trying to hurt you before you hurt me’

‘I wasn’t trying to hurt you’ he told you gently. ‘In my head, I was gonna move up here, go on the tour and stuff whilst a house was being sorted and then when I was back you’d join me. Looking back I guess I should of said something sooner, you don’t live in my head so you’ve got not way of knowing what I’m thinking’

‘But I should of given you a chance to explain’ you mumbled, finally moving out of his neck so you could look at him properly and you were happy to see the sadness in his eyes had somewhat lifted but he was still looking to you concerned. ‘I was just butt hurt that you might be leaving and you hadn’t taken me into consideration but I should of let you explain. I’ve been so mad at you so that’s why I haven’t tried to reach out but it’s because I didn’t understand and now I do I just feel like the worst person in the world’ you cried, choking backs sobs at the end but his lips on your forehead settled you down again.

‘If I would of known then I would of stopped everything to follow you here. You were right, where you go I go and I’m so angry at myself for not thinking straight and being there for you when you needed me most. I can only imagine what you must of been going through leading up to it and for me to then just blow up at you like that wasn’t fair and I’m so sorry’

‘Come on sweetheart, don’t get upset’

‘I’ve ruined everything’ you sobbed, head in your hands agin before he pulled you even closer.

‘Shhhh baby no, you haven’t okay’ he reassured you. ‘You’re here now yeah? And we’re on the same page so there’s no need for all these tears’ he laughed, trying to make light of the situation so you forced yourself to calm down, wiping your eyes on the sleeves off his hoodie before looking up into his soft face.

‘Are you happy here?’

‘I am’ he told you sincerely. ‘Like yeah it’s been a bit weird just leaving everything behind but I’m really happy here’

You nodded, a weird feeling in your tummy at how settled he was and whilst you were anything but back home it eased your mind to know you didn’t have to worry about him being here.

‘I’d be happier if you were here with me’ he suddenly whispered, nose bumping yours before he pressed a kiss to the crease in between your brows.

‘What?’

‘Will you come with me?’ He asked, seeming ignoring your question but you nodded your head and let him lead you by the hand upstairs towards the back of the house, opening a door up to a random room but the sight inside took your breath away.

It was a light and airy room, a large desk set up against the wall with two monitors and your favourite chair from Masons Cobham home that you stole whenever you worked from there was perched under the desk. There were plants and cute pictures all over the walls and a little mini fridge off the other side but it was the patio doors that lead out to a balcony that overlooked the huge garden made you smile.

‘What’s this?’ You laughed, your heart racing as he settled his hands on your hips and popped his chin in your head.

‘Your home office. I had it set up for you just in case you came to your senses in the first few weeks but I haven’t been able to come back in here since’ he laughed. ‘Sorry about the dust’

‘Mase’ you breathed, turning to face him so you could wrap your arms around his body as he caged you against himself. You could feel the tears coming but for a whole different reason this time.

‘It’s still yours if you want it’

‘Really?’

‘You don’t think I made a fool out of myself in that hotel and made you come here just for the fun of it did you?’ He laughed, thumb stroking your cheek as you gazed up at him lovingly. ‘It’s up to you, but I know I’ve been miserable without you and all I’ve thought about is having you here. Not just in this house but everywhere. I’ve found places we can go eat that I know you’ll love, there’s a park not too far away with a big lake so we can go feed the ducks like we used to’

‘Got it all figured out huh?’ You laughed, your body filling with warmth with his words.

‘I’d like to think so’ he winked ‘We can take it slowly you know? I’m not asking you to move in with me straight away but when you’re ready maybe I can take you out on a date? You know like catch up a bit and if it’s something we both realise we still want we can go from there’

‘Even after everything I said to you?’

‘It was a misunderstanding bubs, It happens’ he whispered, kissing your cheeky gently ‘we both could of probably done better but we live and we learn’ he carried on, pressing delicate kisses across your cheek and over your nose before making his way down to your lips. ‘I think we’re both sorry and regret what happened right?

‘Yeah’

‘So the only thing to do is accept it and try to move forward’ he continued, his kisses getting closer to your lips and you felt like you were in some sort of trance.

‘Okay’

‘Y/n’ he whispered, pressing a final kiss to the corner of your mouth and the feel of it made you knees weak.

‘Yeah?’

‘Can I kiss you now?’

You couldn’t answer him with words, just nodding before his hands came up to cup your jaw so he couldn’t tilt your head back. You couldn’t stop looking at him, he was so beautiful up close and you’d missed looking at all the features that made him special. But you couldn’t look for too much longer, his eyes on your lips and face leaning closer to yours as he finally gave you what you both wanted.

You both sighed into each others mouths as you finally kissed, relief filling your body at finally feeling his lips on yours. Your body felt as light as air as the pain from the last few months disappeared from your body and he mended you back together with his lips. It was a stark contrast from the way he’d kissed you last night and you were desperately trying not to smile and ruin the moment but you couldn’t help yourself. You were happy and whole again and the feel of Masons smile on your lips made you chuckle.

The pair of you pulled back, eyes shining as you got lost in each other for a second. Feeling the joy radiate from him as he smiled down at you and you hoped your expression was telling the same to him.

‘If you want, we can sack that date off and I’ll just move in right now’ you winked, watching his eyes sparkle as he laughed. You’d meant it as a joke but after a few seconds you realised the thought of going back home right now was the last thing you wanted.

‘Oh yeah?’ He laughed. ‘What about all your stuff? And work?’

‘Stop being the voice of reason’ you laughed, pulling away every so slightly but he was quick to cage you back in.

‘You don’t have to move here now. It’s a lot to ask and I know that’

‘But I want to. I’ve wanted to this whole time and I don’t want to waste another second without you. I don’t need a date to realise if this is what I want cause it’s what I’ve wanted since you came here’ you told him, you face resting his hand as his soft eyes flickered over you. ‘But I suppose you’re right. I really should run stuff passed work and get stuff sorted at home’

‘We’ve got time’ he smiled before placing a light kiss to your forehead. ‘What do you think of the place? I haven’t been here that long and we can change whatever you like about it’

‘No i love it, it’s very you’ you laughed as he took your hand to lead you outside.

‘Well, soon it will be very us’ he winked, walking you back through so he could give you a tour and you were impressed by all of it. The kitchen was your favourite though and you let him sit you up on the counter as he stood between your legs. You fingers lost in the back of his hair as he smiled up at you and all you wanted to to lean down and kiss him.

‘Why the change of heart Mase?’ You asked quietly, watching the blush take over his cheeks. ‘Last night you couldn’t stand the sight of me’

‘I may of called Woody after I got home. Let’s just say he wasn’t exactly thrilled to hear from me at that time but I told him what happened and he let me know he’d seen you earlier in the week and spoken to you last night. Said that you’d got the wrong end of the stick and you were upset about it and I just thought if you left then there was no going back, you know? I don’t want us to be done yet’

‘Me either’ you smiled, eyes filling with tears again as you looked over his perfect face. ‘So I didn’t loose you then?’

‘No even for a second’ he whispered, pressing his lips to yours gently. ‘We kind of owe Woody a lot huh?’

‘We do’ you smiled. ‘He’s put up with a lot of our shit’

‘Well he won’t have to anymore, we’re back where we belong. With each other’ he smiled before melting his head in your neck to you could hold him and all you could think about was not wanting to belong anywhere else but here ever again.

‘Where you go, that’s where I’ll be right?’

‘Where you go, that’s where I’ll be’ he repeated softly, a gentle smile taking over his lips as he looked at you lovingly.

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)

You're my, my, my, my

Lover

Thank you so much for reading 🩷 I would really appreciate some feedback on this so please feel free to drop me an ask or a comment or whatever you feel comfortable doing. I’d just love to hear from you 😌

[sociopathicartist]

Heya! I was wondering if u could do a headcanon of how Sans would act to being at disneyland with his S/O for the first time??

hey! thank you for requesting these, this was light-hearted and fun:) i’ve never been to disneyland before so forgive me if some of my stuff wasn’t correct, i’m going off of what i see online.

UT Sans Disneyland headcanons.

Being at Disneyland didn’t appeal much to Sans at first. Why? Standing in 2-hour lines for a ride and seeing characters from movies he didn’t get to watch growing up just wasn’t a very appealing idea to him, at the least, he could only see himself going if Papyrus wanted him to.

So when you suggested the idea on a random whim one night in bed, it took a bit of convincing to get him to go with you. It was a good portion of money that the both of you’d be spending, and he just wasn’t sure if the price would be worth it for the experience.

But eventually, your pleas got to him, and he finally gave in.

➭ road trip

Sans surprisingly did enjoy the drive down to disneyland.

He drove the whole way there for you. Since you took care of him in many other aspects of your domestic life, so when it came to things like cooking or driving, he always jumped the gun and made sure it wasn’t a task of yours.

He kept playing eye-spy the entire way down with you, stopping at the gas station for snacks (a lot more often than he should have), and jamming out to some tunes with you on the radio. He didn’t want you to be bored on the drive there, and his hand somehow kept sneaking its way over to your thigh and mindlessly rubbing up and down without any further motives while you two talked.

➭ hanging out at the hotel

You didn’t ask him, but you were pretty sure that Sans’ favorite part of the whole trip was getting to stay in one of the resort hotels. He always loved staying in the hotels when you went anywhere, which evened out since you also loved doing the same with him, but he was enthralled with the rooms. Why was there disneyland on the headboard of the bed? Why was the carpet fireworks? Why was this bed so damn comfortable? He probably could have sunk into the mattress and stayed there the whole time if you hadn’t pried him away from his all-famous napping sessions.

He also really liked just collapsing on the bed after being outside all day, and if you got within an arm-length radius of him you’d be pulled down onto the bed, trapped with him, and most likely not to be seen again until morning.

‘uh-oh, seems you’re stuck here with me now.’

‘Sansss, don’t do this again, I have to get showered off and changed.’

‘tough, my bones are locking up around you, can’t let you go, babe.’

➭ going around the park

Surprisingly despite his doubts, Sans actually had a lot of fun on the disney rides. He obviously wasn’t a big fan of the lines you both had to wait in and despite the looks you got from other people around you, he kept clinging to you like velcro the entire wait while you both talked to pass the time. You couldn’t blame him, even though he didn’t have skin and the heat didn’t really bother him, he didn’t like standing still for so long without doing anything.

He wasn’t too big of a fan of getting photos with some of the characters, (you could have sworn that he was a bit shy about it), but he did put on some silly mickey mouse ears and snag some fun pictures with you for whatever princesses or mascots you wanted to see. It was just a little bit harder for him to relate to wanting to see the characters that much since he didn’t watch these movies growing up in the underground, but he did love seeing you happy about it.

➭ snacks and food

This may be a huuuge shock, but Sans really liked the snacks and meals. Despite his ick for the expensive price tags, he was almost always dragging you to get snacks with him every time he saw something he could eat. These snacks were just so weird and a bit cool to him, food wasn't mickey mouse shaped or disney movie themed back at home.

‘baby, babe, try this.’

‘Sans, isn’t that your fourth one? Do you want to go get something else to munch on instead?’

‘ehehe, i know something else i’d like to munch on.’

He also really liked the themed dinners, it was pretty cool being able to see characters come out and walk around the tables while you both ate. Needless to say, this man was pretty satisfied with your meal options during your trip.

➭ souvenirs

Sans did find quite a few things he wanted to bring back for Papyrus and your other friends, mostly just cute little trinkets or figures. He did take fondly to some of the more sci-fi stuff they had there, and he couldn’t help but grab some stuff he liked that he swore he’d be able to find a place for back at home in your shared bedroom.

He wasn’t a big fan of the themed shirts, but with some convincing, you both got a matching pyjama set that you said you’d make him wear with you since he held up a doll of stitch and said that it looked identical to you.

‘babe, you can’t deny that the resemblance is uncanny.’

‘Sans, I love you, but it’s time to put the stitch doll down.’

‘i guess you’re right, humans aren’t blue anyway.’

[acute-crashout-jeyuso]

Sacrifices/BTR Book 2: a Jhea fanfic.

Chapter 4: let’s try this therapy shit one more time..

Flashback January 14th, 2025 11:03 AM

Rhea and Jey sat across from their therapist, an air of tension lingering between them. The room was quiet except for the soft hum of the heater, breaking the otherwise still atmosphere. Jey shifted in his seat, exhaling slowly before he spoke.

“I wanted to apologize… for walking out last session,” Jey began, his tone filled with genuine remorse. He glanced at Rhea, who gave him a small, understanding nod. “I know it wasn’t fair to either of you.”

The therapist smiled warmly, nodding. “It’s okay, Jey. That’s what we’re here for. Therapy is a process, and sometimes, it brings up things we aren’t ready to face. Today, we’ll continue to work through it together.”

Jey took a deep breath, seemingly preparing himself. “Alright,” he said, bracing for whatever the therapist had in store. “So… go on with your questions.”

The therapist chuckled softly, trying to ease the tension. “Why don’t we start with something lighter? Why don’t you tell me how you met Rhea?”

Jey looked over at Rhea, a small smile appearing on his face as he thought back. He reached over and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before looking back at the therapist.

“Well… it’s actually kinda funny when I think about it,” he started, a hint of nostalgia coloring his tone.

Rhea chuckled softly beside him, nudging him as if to say, Don’t embarrass me, though her eyes were warm with the memories they shared.

“It was a couple of years ago. I saw her for the first time at an NXT motivational seminar. She’d just started making a name for herself down there. I remember being struck by her character—she was… different. Raw. Confident. She didn’t fit the mold, and that made her stand out to me right away.”

Rhea smiled, slightly embarrassed but also amused, recalling those early days.

“I couldn’t help myself,” Jey continued with a grin. “I pointed out her character design in front of everyone. I was not impressed with it, and I thought it was pretty damn bold of her to not say anything about it..."

The therapist nodded, encouraging him to continue.

“Then, she came up to the main roster, and I saw her again,” Jey went on. “She was with Adam and Damian… part of the original Judgment Day. She was this unstoppable force, and I respected that. I’d see her around every now and then, and yeah, I’d even cut a few flirty promos with her when we crossed paths.”

He paused, swallowing as he cleared his throat. There was a part of the story he wasn’t quite ready to unpack, a part he knew was crucial but too raw to bring to light in this moment. The memories of Rhea’s struggles with Matthew were painful ones—ones that had shaped both of them in ways they hadn’t anticipated. But for now, he chose to omit that part, not wanting to stir up those wounds just yet.

“There was a lot going on in my personal life back then,” Jey admitted, his voice softening. “I was… married. But things were tough. My wife and I were going through some stuff, and I don’t know… I just felt lost, like I didn’t know who I was anymore.”

He looked down, gathering his thoughts as he spoke. “One day, I saw her in catering. She’d taken all the brownies.” He chuckled at the memory, the tension easing just a bit. “She offered to share some with me, and we got to talking. One thing led to another, and I invited her to my room. We drank a little… and, well… things happened.”

The therapist looked at him thoughtfully, then asked, “So, you’re saying that you had an affair?”

Jey felt a pang of guilt, a feeling he still hadn’t fully processed even after all this time. He glanced at Rhea, her gaze steady and understanding. She knew the story—they both did. But hearing it aloud, in this setting, added a new layer of reality to it.

“Yeah,” he admitted quietly. “I had an affair. I was struggling… lost in my own mess. But that doesn’t make it okay. I hurt people in the process. And I know that.”

Rhea shifted beside him, her hand still in his, a quiet strength in her presence. She didn’t need to say anything; just being there was enough. Her forgiveness and their shared understanding were a testament to how far they’d come.

The therapist looked at Rhea with an understanding gaze and gently prompted, “Rhea, can you share with us how you felt in the beginning?”

Rhea hesitated, her fingers twisting in her lap as she carefully chose her words. “At first,” she started softly, “being with Jey… it felt like an escape. Like, every time I snuck into his room in the early hours of the morning, it was like I was running away from everything, from… Matthew.” She swallowed hard, glancing briefly at Jey before looking down again. “With Jey, I felt free. It felt like I was supposed to be with him in the first place.”

The therapist nodded thoughtfully. “And Matthew?” they asked gently. “Why did you continue to be with him?”

Rhea took a deep breath, clearly uncomfortable with the question, especially with Jey sitting beside her. But she spoke up anyway, her voice a mix of honesty and vulnerability. “Look, at first… I thought me and Jey were just… getting our fix, you know? Like, at the end of the day, I’d go back to Matthew, and he’d go back to… Takecia.” Her voice wavered as she mentioned Jey’s ex-wife, a reminder of the complicated and messy situation they had both been entangled in.

She clenched her jaw, her hand instinctively rubbing at her throat as if trying to loosen a knot that had lodged itself there. “I… I felt guilty,” she admitted, almost in a whisper. “I thought Matthew hadn’t done anything wrong. I thought I was the one messing up. But… he wasn’t who I thought he was. There were… signs. Signs I ignored. But that relationship was nothing like mine and Demetri’s.”

Jey looked at her, a flicker of curiosity in his eyes. This was the first time she’d spoken openly about Matthew’s control over her, but what really caught his attention was her mention of someone named Demetri. In all the time they had been together, she had never once brought up that name.

The therapist noticed Jey’s curiosity and turned back to Rhea. “What was different about Demetri compared to Matthew?” they asked, keeping their voice steady and reassuring.

Rhea stiffened, her gaze hardening as she shook her head. “I… I don’t want to talk about it,” she said firmly, her voice laced with a mix of fear and defiance.

The therapist gave her a gentle nod. “That’s okay. You’re not obligated to talk about anything you’re not ready to share. This is a safe space, and we’ll move at your pace.”

But Jey, feeling the tension and the weight of the secrets still left unsaid, leaned forward, his frustration evident. He squeezed her hand, “Look, if I’m willing to talk about Takecia,” he said, his voice strained but measured, “then maybe… maybe you could talk about Demetri, too. I think we’re supposed to be honest with each other here.”

Rhea’s jaw clenched, she had removed her hand from him and her fingers curling tightly into fists in her lap. She finally looked at Jey, her eyes blazing with warning. “If you keep pushing it,” she said through gritted teeth, “I am going to call Trinity and have her take me home. I’m serious, Jey.”

The silence that followed was thick, the tension between them growing more intense. The therapist watched the exchange, their expression calm but alert, sensing that they were at a crossroads in the session.

The therapist, sensing her agitation, leaned in with genuine concern. “Rhea, I know this is difficult, but understanding your past is essential for your future. Can you share with us what Demetri represented for you?”

Jey chimed in, “Rhea, please. I’m not trying to push you. I just want to be there for you. I want to understand everything about you.”

The pressure in the room intensified, and Rhea felt her chest tighten. “I don’t want to talk about Demetri!” she snapped, her voice rising. “I’m done with this. You’re pushing me too far!”

The therapist maintained a calm demeanor. “Rhea, I understand it’s uncomfortable, but this is a safe space. If you want to work through these feelings, it’s important to confront them.”

Rhea stood abruptly, her chair scraping against the floor. “Take me home now!” she shouted, her voice filled with desperation. She felt a surge of anger and hurt, a mix of emotions that boiled over. Without waiting for a response, she turned and stormed out of the office, leaving the therapist and Jey stunned.

Jey’s heart raced as he immediately followed her, his voice echoing in the hallway. “Rhea! Wait up!” he called out, trying to keep pace with her hurried steps. He could see her determined stride, the tension radiating off her in waves.

Rhea spun around, her eyes blazing with emotion. “No, Jey! I don’t want to talk! I want to go home!” she demanded, her tone leaving no room for discussion.

Jey stepped closer, concern etching his features. “But Rhea, can we at least discuss what just happened? I don’t want you to feel like you have to shut me out,” he pleaded, his voice softening.

“Then take me home!” she snapped back, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I can’t do this right now!”

“Okay, okay,” Jey relented, his heart sinking at the sight of her distress. “Let’s just go. I’m here for you, no matter what.” He reached for her hand, hoping to offer some comfort, but she pulled away, her walls firmly back in place.

They walked out together, the silence heavy between them as they approached the car. Jey opened the door for her, and she climbed in without a word. He slid in beside her, the atmosphere thick with unspoken thoughts and unresolved feelings.

As the car pulled away from the therapist’s office, Jey glanced at Rhea, his heart aching for her. He wanted to help, to understand, but he knew that right now, all he could do was be there for her as they drove home in silence.

As Rhea and Jey approached the house, the weight of their recent argument loomed heavily over them. Rhea was the first one out of the car, her heart racing with a mixture of anger and sadness. She stormed toward the front door, refusing to look back at Jey, who sighed deeply, rubbing his temples in frustration.

Once inside, Rhea made a beeline for the bedroom. She closed the door behind her with a definitive click, locking it as if that small action could shut out all the hurt and confusion swirling in her mind.

Jey entered the house a moment later, the silence palpable as he walked to the bedroom door. He tried the handle, but it wouldn’t budge. “Demi,” he called, his voice laced with concern. “ I am going to take off the lock on the door if you keep doing this, please open the door.”

She opened it just a crack, enough to throw a pillow and a blanket at him before slamming it shut again. “Joshua, sleep on the couch!” she shouted, using his full name to emphasize her irritation.

“It’s only 11:57 in the morning, babe!” he protested, desperation creeping into his voice.

“BLOW IT OUT OF YOUR ASS!” she yelled back, the frustration in her tone sharp enough to cut through the air.

Jey leaned his forehead against the door, feeling the cool wood against his skin as he sighed in defeat. “Demi, please,” he pleaded softly, wishing she would let him in. “We need to talk about this. I can’t help you if you won’t let me.”

But inside the room, Rhea wrapped her arms around her knees, tears streaming down her cheeks. She was overwhelmed by a mix of emotions: anger at Jey for pushing her, guilt for how she felt, and sadness for the distance that seemed to grow between them.

“Just give me a little space,” she whispered to herself, the weight of her words echoing in the silence of the room. She buried her face in her knees, letting the tears flow freely, feeling as though the walls she built around herself were the only thing protecting her from the chaos of her emotions.

Jey stood there, his heart breaking as he listened to her muffled sobs from the other side of the door. He wanted to reach out, to comfort her, to tell her that he was there for her no matter what. But every time he tried to speak, the words caught in his throat, leaving him feeling helpless and frustrated.

“I’ll be right here,” he said finally, his voice low and filled with concern. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m not going anywhere.”

But Rhea remained silent, lost in her thoughts, needing time to process the turmoil inside her. No matter how much Jey pleaded, she couldn’t find the strength to open the door, not when she felt so broken.

As minutes ticked by, Jey settled onto the couch, staring at the wall as he wrestled with his own feelings of helplessness. He knew they needed to communicate, but the more he thought about it, the more he feared that the space Rhea had created was just the beginning of a deeper rift. He closed his eyes, trying to calm his racing heart and remind himself that they would find a way through this—together.

As Jey sat on the couch, a thought suddenly sparked in his mind. He needed help, and there was only one person he could think of who might provide insight into Rhea’s past—a blonde demon named Liv. He headed outside, pulling out his phone and dialing her number. After a few rings, she picked up, her voice energetic and lively.

“Hey! Just finished a killer workout! How’s Rhea doing?” Liv asked, her tone bright and full of enthusiasm.

Jey sighed, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on him. “The couples therapy is going not so good.”

“Oooohhh yeah, she told me about that,” Liv replied. “Did you flip out again?”

“No,” Jey said, frustration bubbling just beneath the surface. “She did this time.”

He went on to explain the heated session, how Rhea had clammed up and refused to talk about her past. “Do you know anything about Demetri?” he asked, referencing the name that had hung in the air during their therapy session.

Liv’s tone shifted slightly, taking on a more serious note. “Honestly, I think Rhea is going to fly over here and give me her signature headbutt for telling you this, but knowing her, she might also thank me for helping you understand.”

“Please, Liv,” Jey pleaded. “I need to know what I’m dealing with.”

Liv took a deep breath, clearly weighing her words. “Demetri used to correct Rhea a lot,” she said carefully.

“What do you mean, ‘correct’?” Jey asked, his heart racing as he braced for the answer.

Liv’s voice dropped lower, her words heavy with emotion. “He used to hit her. Beat the fuck out of her, Jey. It was horrible. Tegan was always covering her bruises.”

Jey felt his stomach drop. “What the fuck? Why didn’t anyone do anything?” His voice trembled with anger and disbelief.

“Rhea denied it,” Liv explained. “She would always say Tegan or I or any of the other Divas would hit her by accident. She didn’t want anyone to know.”

Jey’s fists clenched at his sides. “So what happened? How did she end up with Matt, and what happened with Demetri?”

“That’s the thing, no one really knows,” Liv said softly. “You would have to ask Rhea.”

Jey ran a hand through his hair, frustration and concern swirling within him. “I need to understand her, Liv. If we’re going to make this work, I can’t be in the dark about her past.”

“I get it,” Liv replied. “But you have to be patient with her. It took me a long time to break through her walls, and sometimes, she still struggles with what happened. Just be there for her, Jey. That’s what she needs right now.”

“Yeah, I just wish I could get through to her,” he admitted, feeling the weight of responsibility press down on him. “Thanks, Liv. I really appreciate you telling me this.”

“Anytime. Just remember, you’re not alone in this. We all care about Rhea,” she said before hanging up.

Jey stood outside, looking up at the sky as he tried to process everything Liv had shared. He felt a mix of anger at Demetri for hurting Rhea, and a deep sense of empathy for the struggles she had faced alone. Taking a deep breath, he made his way back inside, determined to give Rhea the support she needed while also preparing himself to confront the past she was so desperately trying to hide. He knew the road ahead would be challenging, but he was ready to fight for their future, one step at a time.

—

Present Time. April 18th, 2025 - 10:02 PM

Trinity screamed, her voice piercing the air as another contraction hit her with relentless intensity. “Fuck It hurts so bad!” she cried, gripping Jon and Rhea’s hands with an iron-like grip. Jon winced but held firm, his heart racing as he watched his wife endure the pain of labor.

“Focus on your breathing, Trinity! You can do this!” Rhea urged, her voice steady despite the panic swirling in her mind. She glanced at Jey, who was standing by, nervously wiping sweat from Trinity’s forehead as if he could absorb her pain.

“Why did you get me pregnant, Jon?” Trinity yelled, shooting daggers at her husband. “This is all your fault!”

“I know, I know! Just breathe!” Jon replied, trying to keep his own panic at bay. “We’ll get through this together.”

As another contraction gripped Trinity, she let out a fierce curse, directing her frustration at Jon again. “You better be ready to catch these babies, because I’m going to kill you after this!”

“Hey, hey, let’s keep the focus here, alright? Just keep breathing,” Rhea said, encouragingly rubbing Trinity’s arm.

Just then, the doctor and a nurse burst into the room, bringing an air of professionalism amidst the chaos. “Alright, who’s ready to push?” the doctor asked with a warm smile, glancing at Trinity.

“AHHHHH!” Trinity screamed as that contraction hit her like a set of bricks, her determination breaking through the pain.

“Great! Trinity, I need you to listen carefully,” the doctor instructed. “When the next contraction hits, I want you to push as hard as you can, okay?”

Jon moved to Trinity’s side, holding her hand tightly. “You got this, babe. I’m right here,” he reassured her.

“Just think about how adorable they’ll be!” Rhea added, trying to keep the mood light despite the tension in the room.

“Okay, here we go!” the doctor announced, preparing for the birth. “Trinity, take a deep breath. Ready? And… push!”

Trinity screamed again, her face contorted in concentration as she bore down. Jey stood at the foot of the bed, his eyes wide with a mix of awe and terror. As the first baby’s head began to crown, he felt a wave of dizziness wash over him.

“Come on, Trinity! You’re almost there!” Jon encouraged, his heart racing.

“I can’t! I can’t do it!” Trinity cried, her voice laced with desperation.

“Yes, you can! You’re stronger than this!” Rhea insisted, squeezing Trinity’s hand.

With one final push, Trinity unleashed a primal scream, and the doctor exclaimed, “I can see the head! Keep pushing!”

Jey’s eyes were glued to the sight before him, and as he watched the baby’s head emerge, the reality of the situation hit him hard. “Oh God… I think I’m going to—”

Before he could finish, Jey’s vision blurred, and he staggered backward, fainting at the sight. He crumpled to the floor, barely avoiding a collision with the equipment beside him.

“Jey!” Rhea shouted, her focus momentarily pulled from Trinity.

“My brother in law.. what? Is he okay?” Trinity asked out of breath.

The nurse rushed to Jey’s side, checking on him as the doctor turned back to Trinity. “Focus on your breathing, Trinity. We need to keep going!”

With the room now buzzing with activity, Trinity felt a surge of adrenaline. “It hurts so bad!!!”

“Alright, Trinity, one more big push!” the doctor commanded, and Trinity summoned every ounce of strength she had left.

“Push!” the doctor shouted as Trinity let out another ferocious scream, her body straining with the effort.

Moments later, the room filled with the sound of a baby’s first cry. “Congratulations! You have a son!” the doctor announced, holding the tiny infant aloft.

Trinity’s eyes widened with joy and relief as the baby was placed on her chest. “I did it! I really did it!” she gasped, tears of joy spilling down her cheeks.

The nurse quickly attended to the second twin, who was still on their way out. “Alright, we need to do this again, Trinity. One more push!”

Trinity nodded, her determination renewed. “Let’s get this over with!” she exclaimed, ready to meet her second child.

As she pushed again, Jon leaned in close, whispering words of encouragement. “You’re amazing, babe! Just one more!”

With a final, powerful push, the second baby emerged, filling the room with another wail. “Congratulations! You have another son!” the doctor exclaimed, placing the second twin beside his brother.

Overwhelmed by emotion, Trinity gazed down at her two boys, her heart bursting with love. “I can’t believe it… they’re beautiful,” she whispered, cradling her sons.

In the chaos of the moment, Rhea turned to check on Jey, who was slowly regaining consciousness. “Hey, you alright?” she asked, her voice filled with concern.

“I think I’m gonna need a minute,” Jey mumbled, groaning as he sat up.

As Trinity held her twins close, the atmosphere in the room transformed. The pain and chaos had given way to joy and love, and in that moment, surrounded by family, Trinity felt complete. She had faced her fears, battled through the pain, and emerged victorious—now a proud mother of two.

As Jey finally regained his bearings, he pushed himself up from the floor, rubbing his temples. The sound of soft coos and gentle laughter drew him back to the delivery room. As he stepped inside, he was struck by an overwhelming sight: Jon taking one twin in his arms while Trinity held the other twin, their faces illuminated with pure joy.

“Wow…” Jey breathed, feeling a wave of emotion wash over him. The image of his brother, usually so strong and composed, now tenderly gazing at his newborn sons filled Jey’s heart with pride. He could see the love radiating between Jon and Trinity as they shared this moment together, a family formed through their struggle and determination.

“Hey Uce’!” Jon called, grinning as he looked up at Jey. “Come meet your nephews!”

Jey stepped closer, his heart swelling at the sight of the tiny bundles. “They’re perfect,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “You guys did an amazing job.”

As Jon and Trinity shared tender glances over the twins, Jey felt a pang of bittersweet happiness. It was a reminder of everything they had all been through together and how far they had come.

After a moment of quiet admiration, Rhea nudged Jey gently. “Let’s give them some space,” she suggested, sensing the intimate moment unfolding. Jey nodded, not wanting to intrude on their first family moments.

As they walked out of the room, Jey chuckled nervously. “I can’t believe I fainted in there. I’ve seen some wild things in the ring, but that… that was something else.”

Rhea smirked, glancing back at the room filled with life and love. “You fainting like that? Classic,” she teased, then turned serious, her gaze meeting his. “But seriously, don’t faint when I have our boy.”

Jey raised an eyebrow, a smile creeping across his face despite his embarrassment. “Oh, I won’t! I promise I’ll be right there with you—wide awake and ready to catch our kid.”

“Good,” Rhea replied, her tone lightening again. “I can’t have you passing out during our moment.”

As they stood in the hallway, Rhea felt a flutter of excitement for the future. Jey’s commitment reassured her that they would navigate this journey together, just as Trinity and Jon were starting their new chapter as parents.

“Ready for the next adventure?” Rhea asked, nudging Jey playfully.

Jey grinned, pulling her close. “With you? Always.”

With a shared smile, they both knew they were just getting started on their journey together, and the promise of their future family awaited them.

[theeternalwomb]

energy update 🧿: 8/18/23

Things are getting real out here for real so I decided I’d give you guys an energy update and some guidance from spirit because I’m sure they’d be helpful and you’d find some peace in this reading today. So many things are shifting, we’re all undergoing so many changes and experiences and I pride myself in my ability to bring people guidance, help them understand what’s going on, confirm their intuition, and validate their experiences and beliefs. In my own life, I’ve got a very intricate and complex story of my own that I live with and alchemize to the best of my ability and draw my power and motivation from to continue striving forward and striving towards better. I want many things in life but what I want most on a soul level is a better world and I live my life every day setting forth the energy and taking actions that resonate with that goal.

When things get hard for you and you feel alone or like you’re the only person on the planet that is struggling or having a hard time to the extent that you are take power and peace from the important fact that as a collective we move through these energies and challenges together and are always in connection with another. Not to invalidate yourself and find proof that there are others in the world who are suffering as well therefore your problems are worth less but to validate yourself in knowing that we are a collective and we are breathing and pushing through this as one. 🤎

***

i.

I see you purging a lot of internal energies here pile one. There’s an energy here of someone coughing up a lot of stuff they’ve had within themselves buried deep for a long time or a lot of things really coming to the surface they hadn’t seen in themselves before or things they hadn’t seen in themselves in a really long time. And all of this is coming up for a good reason because you can’t take it with you into the next step of your life. Things could feel very unstable for you at this time as well. There are a lot of insecurities coming to the surface here and maybe even aspects of someone’s shadow self and they’re really taken aback by this or are unaware of where these things are coming from. You could be experiencing a lot of shame lately as well attached to certain habits you have or there are self-limiting beliefs attached to your relationships and connections and the way you show up in them or in the way you think of these people or your connection with them.

There’s something about this energy that I’m having a hard time tapping into and really truly understanding. It seems to be like you’ve been in a very confused energy. This hurtle you’re getting over is very large and complex. I’m hearing something about someone’s home life as well being significant within this part of their lives or even just foundations in their life. People who’ve been around you a long time (ex. Parents, friends, lovers, etc.) and your connection with them and how those relationships affect you and other aspects of your life and being, I’m sensing some sort of cataclysm or some type of coming undone of something or some type of rising action leading up to or towards something here. Spirit is telling me about these things from your past or these things that have come from deep within that are coming up because there is a reset in store for you or a new life you’re about to receive. I’m hearing “things get worse before they get better” or there’s a deep internal purging happening for your greater good.

There are questions coming up about when and how things occurred and what really happened. You could be thinking back on past events or things that have happened in the past or you’ve been in this energy of digging up things. The reason behind trauma you have, how certain events in your life that caused a lot of trouble came to be, what type of people you were around, and the things that happened while you were in communication with them. I chose this young girl for the cover of pile ones pile. The inner child is very significant. The past is very significant. I’m hearing, “push. push. push.” Things could’ve been rough for you lately or you could’ve been incredibly tired or drained of energy for whatever reason but there is this need to push through and overcome and your spirit guides, I’m talking everyone, deities, guardian angels, ancestors, the divine mother. Everyone is in your ear collectively pushing you on and telling you to trudge through whatever this mud is. Life as you know it is coming. You are to be born again.

I’m hearing you hear the guides too. You’re very spiritually connected at this time. Their power runs through you. And I’m getting you could’ve been sent some kind of bad juju or people could’ve been working with deities or entities to send you trouble and misfortune and really squash your power but even these spirits want to stand behind you and support you. There’s a very powerful energy radiating from this group here. Someone has a very powerful lineage or is destined for something very big and the ancestors are not playing about you anymore they're tired of people and things bothering you or trying to stand in your way and knock you down. All these delays and all of this stuff that's come up is for a very good reason. It’s like you’re being blessed and all of your problems and anything that weighs you down and keeps you stuck is being dragged out of you. You’re coming into all your power. The spirits are getting very excited. There is about to be a celebration.

Spirit sees how energetically drained you’ve felt, how unable to do what you need to do you felt, how tired, how open and vulnerable your mind has been these past couple of days to negative thoughts and heavy emotional distress. I’m hearing a lot of you thought this energy was your own as well. There was a dangerous combination of natural purging occurring and for some of you whomever this person was doing magic on you or sending you evil eye and bad juju but you’re learning to take the energy sent to you and reel it in and turn it into your own. People are waiting and watching trying to see if you come out of this unscathed and you will because you’re protected and you’re divine. You’re being heavily advised to put your energy and your power into building this empire for yourself. Your success is brewing. Spirit wants you to take your ambition and feed it into leveling up and expanding. It’s about to be a whole new you.

With this moon card in reverse you’re releasing these fears, you’re letting all this stuff come up and you’re being empowered by it. Im hearing someone doing an evil laugh. Someone’s little villain era is coming. Justice is coming. This is not a drill. You’ve been talking to the spirits. The greats are reaching out to you. Answer the call. Your spirit team is growing. You’re about to be untouchable. Remember in The Princess and the Frog when Dr. Facilier was talking about how he had friends on the other side? This is exactly that energy lol.

𝐴𝑓𝑓𝑖𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛: “𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑤.”

***

ii.

Spirit has a lot of messages for you. I didn’t ask for this many cards but they were adamant on the amount they gave me. I’m getting this urgency or this high priority. You need to hear this they want you to receive it. They gave me 11 cards. 11 is a very powerful number all on its own. But as a soul number, it is magnificent. this blew my mind on a personal level. I see you working on something, this is big, it’s personal. You could be doing a lot of inner work or you could be really growing or preparing for something or all three of those things but there’s an energy of preparation, getting ready to receive a large blessing or getting ready for something big to come into fruition for you and preparing yourself to be the person you need to be to receive it. And I hear you’re working on this behind people's backs or you’re real quiet like about it. 🧿. I’m hearing you get what it means and how important it is to keep things private in order to protect them while you’re waiting for them to come to fruition for you or grow.

You’re about to come into some money here, you’re about to step into this big provider energy or you’re working on your finances so that you could be this figure. Some of you or building lives for yourselves in general, for some of you, you’re masculine energies and you’re building yourself up and getting your money and finances together to give someone the offer of a lifetime. There could’ve been a lot of inner conflict that you had and held onto that kept you from having something you truly wanted or getting this key wish fulfillment in your life and this time is coming to an end for you with this five of wands in reverse. You could’ve been holding onto a karmic lover as well or karmic people and karmic cycles and you’ve just about dropped all of this. I’m getting the energy of you casting these energies out or exorcising these energies out of your life and from within you.

And there’s conflict here regarding whatever it is or whomever it is you’re getting rid of cause whatever it is or whomever it is has their claws in you deep or it doesn’t want to let go of you because they sense that you’ve got big energy and you’re destined for great things but these people and things are leeches and energy vampires and I’m hearing you really don’t give a fuck at all. You’re ready to finally go to war behind your peace and behind what’s yours. You’re coming into your power and seeing your strength here. You’re manifesting your happiness. In life, in love. And you’re ready to receive it. There are very big gifts and very big wish fulfillments coming in for you or that you desire. And using the word happiness doesn’t feel big enough or even like it fully encapsulates what type of abundance, peace, and wholeness we’re talking about coming in for you. This is huge. Things are about to shift drastically. I’m hearing in a week or a month. And once those floodgates open the abundance isn’t going to stop flowing in. Like I’m getting a high flood warning here or a tsunami. It’s gonna wash anything in its path away.

Whatever these karmic people or relationships are or energies are, they’re gonna come crashing down very soon. Expect it. And I’m hearing you’ll be unscathed by this because you know it was time and behind this gigantic tower of karmic energies lies a bright meadow. You will be able to watch the sun being born. Any type of inner confusion and illusions will be done for and dealt with. Your spirit guides and ancestors are going to finish these people and these energies off, pack your shit and they’ll handle the rest. There’s a car waiting for you outside. You’re taken care of and protected. You’re gonna be in tune with your intuition, with the divine mother (God), with your higher self, with your ancestors as these events have birthed a spiritual awakening for you. Your time is now. Nothing can stop you where you’re going. Any type of heartbreak. Any blockages. Any type of feelings of shame or disappointment and anger. Will be washed away and gone forever. Your divine feminine is coming (or divine masculine). In separation? Not anymore. No contact? No. Union? Yes. Spirit is having all your boxes checked for you.

𝐴𝑓𝑓𝑖𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛: “𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝐼 𝑔𝑜, 𝑎𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑠.”

***

iii.

Spirit is telling me that you’ve been harvesting a lot of ambition. There is something that you want. A lifestyle you desire, a connection, whatever this wish fulfillment is you’re very determined to get it. You have to have it. It will be yours. You could be working very hard towards financial independence or are manifesting financial independence and spirit is telling me that money is necessary to get where you want to go or to give yourself the opportunities that you want within this life. You could’ve come from poverty here or there’s some type of aspect of your early life or some type of conflict in these foundational areas in your life that bring about this manifestation or this desire to be abundant and have these things for yourself.

There’s something coming in here too about you finally having the energy and the true desire to evolve and express yourself and show yourself to the world. You could’ve talked about these manifestations or talked about your desires a lot and may not have taken any action towards these dreams or put as much energy as you could’ve into these manifestations but that’s not going to be your reality anymore. Like I’m hearing you’ve had a sudden realization or some type of power up or something happened around you that really pushed you into this space of self-awareness and self-growth. This could’ve been some sort of large loss. A loss of a connection or something incredibly significant that you could’ve sucked a lot of energy from or kept yourself supported against.

You could’ve lost a friend or a lover or a family member that you really leeched off of (even if you weren’t consciously aware) this person gave you a lot of validation, gave you a lot of energy, or really kept you in an energy where you weren’t tuned into the energetic frequency to tune in and understand what you needed to do, how you needed to change or wake up to realizing that the life you were living, the habits, the mindsets, the behaviors you held onto weren’t good for you and weren’t going to get you the happiness and abundance you’d been asking spirit and the universe for. This person pulled themselves from underneath you and it may have really shaken you up and sent you into a dark night of the soul and really shone some light on your shadow.

But now that this mental clarity, this breakthrough, this newfound perspective, and understanding have been bestowed upon you, you’re stepping into your power and mustering up the energy and the courage to completely transform your life. You could’ve played a significant role in this person's life and could’ve been the villain in their story or simply just weren’t able to be the best person to them at the time that you knew them and it was within your path and within this persons divine purpose to shake things up for you and teach you a lesson by taking their leave. Your nine of cups is coming. Finally, you’re going to be happy and content in life or be able to have something to show for in all areas of life and be able to truly curate the lifestyle and the experiences you want for yourself.

This situation was meant to give you courage and push you into the action you needed and open up your mind so that you can improve and do better.

𝐴𝑓𝑓𝑖𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛: “𝑓𝑎𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑖𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑛.”

***

iv.

Some of you have been disconnected from a connection that has played a large part in your life or kept you in one place, physically speaking or emotionally and spiritually. This could’ve been someone who contributed to self-limiting beliefs and insecurities within self and/or played a role in your life that brought to light any self-limiting beliefs and karmic energies or aspects of your shadow self. I see someone recovering here or coming to terms with some sort of ending or coming to terms with some sort of truth that was revealed to them in terms of this connection and in terms of their own belief systems, behaviors, and views of self. You could feel very alone right now and may even be in an energy of pessimism or be incredibly worried or anxious at this time due to rapid change and not knowing where you’re headed or what’s going to happen next.

But, this person, this connection or whatever this is that you’ve been disconnected from was divinely orchestrated and you’re being realigned or your path here or I’m hearing rerouted and turned around. Whatever this was, was meant to be temporary for you and you weren’t meant to keep it. I’m hearing it’s not yours to keep. If this is a person, they could’ve not done anything inherently bad to you or said anything hurtful or harmful but they could just have simply not been super into you or your energy and may have left you feeling very needy and unheard and unseen oftentimes. I’m getting that this person isn’t YOUR person or your divine counterpart and this is why they aren’t deeply connected to you and this person may hide this from you or be very guarded and out of reach. This relationship or this person was meant to send you into hermit mode, into isolation so that you can see yourself and identify what needs to be worked on and be pushed into self-growth and expansion.

You could’ve gone out of your way to keep this person or bent over backward to try to keep this person in your energy and may have really stepped into a side of yourself that isn’t very good at making decisions or who doesn’t value herself/himself and behaves in a way that reflects that. Everything that’s come up and is coming up is for a reason, for you to look at and see for yourself because whatever this is has caused a bit of a tower moment for you I’m getting. This person or whatever this is could’ve been taken from you already or you could be on the verge of disconnecting with this person or breaking up with this person. I see you being very exhausted, burnt out, and confused. You could be really in your head about this or really heavily thinking about what’s going on within your connection or the things about you that have come to the surface.

There may be conflict about this situation with this person. I’m hearing arguments or disagreements or this really heavy push-and-pull dynamic. You could be pulling this person, trying to remove blockages and barriers and they’re pushing you away further and moving further away from you and you may be feeling a lot of loss and heartbreak regarding this situation. I hear you being very frustrated and not really truly understanding why you’re experiencing what you’re experiencing. And it has everything to do with you and your own shadow and self-limiting ideas and beliefs. This person reflects back to you, your own karmic energies. When you decide to hold self-respect for yourself and release things that are no longer serving you and take the leap and make that decision to be done with this because you’re no longer choosing to live this way or accept this for yourself things will begin opening up for you and you will then have time for yourself to grow the way you’re meant to. This person is a karmic. They may not be intentionally or consciously causing you harm or mirroring back to you your own karmic energies but they need to. You and this person are and were teaching each other important lessons. You’re teaching them the reality of choosing to be where you do not truly desire to be. And they’re teaching you what it feels like to not be valued and that it is your choice to continue to be treated that way and not grow into an energy of self-love and alignment.

𝐴𝑓𝑓𝑖𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛: “𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓.”

***

I’m offering you guys an apology for not being able to push out readings and do what I needed these past 2-3 days. I was going through a cleansing period and I needed to purge and ground. But, I’ve gotten my energy back and I’m ready to come back and do my work for the collective. I hope these readings helped or gave you some sort of enlightenment, encouragement, or confirmed your intuition. I chose to include four piles today because I intuitively felt that this was a very broad collective and the messages would be very specific to those reading. Wishing you the best of luck🤞🏾 lots of love, forgiveness, and understanding. Wishing that you can find that within yourself and that others can find those same things within you in order to release any negative energies, fears, and emotions so that we may all move on and enjoy our lives peacefully and in harmony. I’ll talk to you another time. Please come see me again soon! 🧿

(Book a personal with me with the link in my Instagram bio!)

[camillelespanayesbtch]

I Left My Conscience On Your Front Door Step (18+)

Content: Brief smut, swearing, typical (and a-typical) Camille stuff

Word Count: 4098

Author's Note: I rushed the end, I'm sorry. I just didn't have the motivation :( I do have an idea for a series where Camille is a vampire if anyone is interested please send an anon!

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

“Sorry it took so long, Camille. Two of the Starbucks didn’t have the shots you liked, so I had to drive to the other side of town,” you say even though the excuses meant nothing to Camille, but they calmed the anxiety that had been bubbling under the surface. That anxiety bubbled as you drove from store to store just to get her fucking coconut milk coffee with a double shot of the best espresso available from that corporation. You set the takeout cup down and only then do you realize you should have fixed something- the one mistake you’d made other than being late with her coffee.

Camille eyes the take-out cup, turning it around then looks at you, “They spelled my name wrong. It’s C-A-M-I-L-L-E, not fucking C-A-M-E-E. You’re still relatively new, I’ll let it slide this time but don’t make a habit of it.” She picks it up and starts to drink it, leaning back in her desk chair as she watches you, she enjoyed watching you stew over the little things.

“It’s not my fault they’re fucking stupid. They’re Starbucks baristas, not Harvard educated people,” you reply, checking your tablet for what Camille had going on that day and you too.

Camille snorts and shakes her head, “Don’t you get it, Yn? You work for me. Ergo, it means that you have to make sure things go well. Ergo, you have to ensure that the fucking Starbucks barista spells my fucking name correctly, got it?” She smiles at the end although it was one of her subdued anger smiles that lets you know if you piss her off again, you’ll be her glorified footstool for the rest of the day. You did make such a wonderful stool too, back straight and silent, just the way she likes you.

You swallow the lump in your throat and nod, your cheeks turning pink, “Yes, Camille. I’ll remember that for next time.” You would make sure that you did, whether it be making a note of it in your calendar or on the order itself- No, you couldn’t do that because then Camille would know that you were imperfect, and she always wanted perfection in every aspect of her life which now included you. You, her assistant, and according to the NDA you filled out with heated cheeks, her pretty little whore.

“Good,” she drinks another mouthful of her coffee before returning it to her desk, scrolling through her phone before her eyes meet yours. “This job isn’t easy, okay? But I need you to want this. I need you to want this job and everything it entails.” She had her fair share of assistants, and her last lot coupled up and it was the most pathetic little display she’d ever seen in her life. They fell in love with each other? Just as she finished paying off both their student loans? What a fucking coincidence. And Camille L’espanaye doesn’t believe in coincidences.

“I know. I know, and I do want this.” You meet her gaze, she always looked so perfect; the slightest hint of blue to the inner corner of her eyes, the sharp eyeliner that isn’t exaggerated, the soft fullness to her eyelashes, and her eyes themselves- a grey green that reminded you of aged jade, expensive, elite, rare, everything that Camille is. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want this job and everything it entails.” You hadn’t been intimate with her until the third day of your new position, and she made it perfectly clear that she wasn’t going to touch you unless you had earned it and you hadn’t earned it yet. You had a feeling in your gut that you were never going to earn being fucked by her unless she was just going to use your body to get off herself.

Camille chuckles and shakes her head before tilting her head slightly as she drags her eyes over you, “Please. You’re here because I’m paying off your student loans. What were you trying to graduate with again? A master’s in psychology… Now look at you. Oh, you’d surely make such an interesting research paper on yourself, don’t you think? An assistant and a whore. You don’t fool me, Yn.” She rolls her eyes; you were just another nobody after her money so you didn’t have to pay off your own student debt and thought that selling your body to her would make it happen faster. She knew she was attractive, hot, sexy, so who wouldn’t want a chance to be touched by her? To even be close to the one and only Camille L’espanaye. She’d had people stumbling over themselves in the street trying to get to her to even say hi and then be ignored. You weren’t special.

Her words stung and you knew that was her intention; it was either this job or your degree, and being a waitress wasn’t cutting the loan repayments or even being close to covering rent. So, now you sell your body to your boss and do the dirty work for her too. The corner of your mouth twitches slightly in a brief smirk, “Oh Camille, you say that like you don’t enjoy when I eat you out under your desk.” You pout, “I’m wounded.” If you closed your eyes and thought about those times, you could still taste her on your tongue, a little tangy but mostly sweet with the slightest musk, and you would lap up every drop too just to savor her. 

The silver-haired woman looks slightly taken aback by what you’d just said, her tan cheeks taking on the slightest pink hue to them, almost matching the lipstick she often painted her lips with. “I enjoy getting off, the person that does it doesn’t matter to me. You keep talking to me like this, and I’ll find someone who won’t run their pretty little mouth as much as you.” She crosses her legs and drinks another mouthful of her coffee, her pupils dilating as she remembers how eager you were to eat her out the first time- the sparkle in your eyes, the devotion you looked up at her with, it was that moment that she knew you were just a stray dog that needed just a little more training. The first time you only managed to make her cum once with your mouth before you got sloppy because it was aching too much, your fingers finished her off, but she was pissed and told you to get better. How did you get better? Cleaning her heels and boots with your tongue until they showed her reflection, she didn’t realize how wet that made you until she heard you in the bathroom masturbating.

“I’m sure you enjoy it more than you’re letting on, Camille,” You head back over to the couch, leaning back against it and looking through the tablet again. This little device was the holy grail of information, and if you lost it, Camille would have your head on a platinum Cartier plate. She couldn’t afford to have the information you were dealing with slip into the hands of the wrong person because then it’d make her look bad and there’s one thing that’s consistent with her- she always looks really fucking good.

Camille narrows her eyes at you, it’d be so fucking easy for her to slap you, to hit you, choke you even- leave welts on your skin from the claw marks her nails leave, but she doesn’t. She wants to, God does she want to see your pretty skin marked up because of her, hear the way you whine and moan and hiss as she does, then as she touches each one as a reminder of what had happened. She takes a breath and exhales slowly like she’d seen on those shitty mindfulness videos that circulate around. She didn’t like your cockiness, only she was allowed to be that cocky. Only her. “Did you get the information on Victorine like I asked?”

“Of course I did, Camille,” you put the tablet to the side before looking through your bag, you’d had a number of documents printed and stapled together so she didn’t have to deal with the same mess of papers you had. You pull them out of your bag before heading over to her.

“Took you long enough. I require things I ask of you in a timely manner, Yn. Not at your earliest convenience. Mine.” She takes the papers from you and flicks through them, her eyes quickly scanning the pages, her lip twitching, “Is this it? That’s all you got? How am I supposed to nail her down with this shit?” Camille tosses the documents, the pages fluttering through the air before hitting the ground in front of her desk. Couldn’t you do one fucking thing right today?

You chew your bottom lip, stopping yourself from peeling a piece of skin from it like you had a nasty habit of doing, “That was all I could find-“ Your cheeks flush at her unimpressed stare, butterflies in your stomach much like the papers, they float around before hitting the bottom with a dull thud. “I’ll go look again, Camille.” How could you have been so stupid as to think that this would be enough? You’re a smart woman, you should have known better than to hand her some falsified documents that could be brushed under the rug fairly quickly. Try harder. Do better.

“Yes, you will go look again, Gina.” She drinks some more coffee before deciding that she’s had enough, tossing it in the bin then screwing her nose up when the lid pops off and spills coffee into it. “We both know this woman is killing innocent animals left right and center. And we both know that the only animals that deserve to die are men,” she looks at you and smiles, “So, go find me something more useful than pages of words.” Camille drums her nails against the desk, tilting her head slightly as she watches the little cogs turn in your head- she wondered if there was a little hamster or other vermin running around.

“Yes, Camille, I agree with you- I’ll keep looking,” you pick the documents up and go back to the couch to look again. There were multiple avenues that you had access to, seeing things you never wanted to see again, reading things you never wanted to, and oh- “I found a feed from the room they do the surgery in. Victorine front and center along with her wife. Nobody likes seeing animals getting hurt.” The video made you feel ill, incredibly so, so you look away before what little breakfast you had resurfaced.

Her head shoots up from her phone, her eyes twinkling with unbridled glee, “Oh? Video footage? Do show me, puppy.” She holds her hand out expectantly, taking the tablet from you once you place it in her outstretched hand. And like the obedient little doggy you are, you gently place it in her hand, being careful to not catch her acrylic nails which so often dug so deliciously into your scalp.

“She’s right there helping her wife with the surgery, that’s damning enough, isn’t it?” You hoped it was anyway- You didn’t really understand Camille’s hatred towards her siblings, in the sense that outside of the awful things they were doing you couldn’t see it as your run-of-the-mill sibling hatred, the feeling she had- That was barely contained rage, disgust, like if she could, she would kill the woman and spit on her grave, but that was beneath Camille, she’d much rather have you do the dirty work instead. You watch her reaction to the video, the video you found, and hoped it would satisfy her after screwing up with the written documents. But you should know by now, Camille is rarely satisfied.

“There’s no audio. It’s okay, but it could be better,” she pouts, restarting the video to watch her half-sister butcher a poor chimpanzee. While she was partially doing this for purely selfish reasons, she couldn’t help but feel bad for the animals being experimented on and she knew once she screwed her half-sister over, they would be free from being used as guinea pigs for the stupid heart mesh. Good idea in theory, but Victorine was stupid.

You take an unsteady breath, picking at your fingers behind your back so the silver haired beauty wouldn’t notice, “The audio version is bound to be out there somewhere. It’ll just take some time to find it.” You weren’t sure about that actually, for all you knew, that was the only video footage of the brutality. You wonder if Camille knew you were bluffing about that, she’s a smart woman, she’d know.

“Usually, surveillance videos don’t have any audio, smarty pants,” she remarks, eyes still glued to the screen, the faintest hint of a smile on her face as she replays the video. Even without the audio, Victorine was fucked. F-U-C-K-E-D.

“Usually, scientists record their experiments in more ways than one, so, there’s bound to be a version with audio out there somewhere.” You take the tablet back, Camille almost pouting when you do. You knew this would be good enough for now, it could be explained away as an accident- But how do you accidentally cut open a chimpanzee and force your shitty heart mesh around its heart just to prove that your product works when you know it doesn’t.

Camille nods and looks at you, “I like the way you think. You’re not afraid of anything, are you?” She needed someone fearless to be able to do this work, fear inhibits the ability to find the dirtiest of information and she couldn’t have that. Not in her line of work, your line of work. You were going to be her dog with a bone, a nose for sniffing out the filthiest information, and the ability to spin it almost as good as she does.

Your cheeks color and you look at the ground before meeting her penetrating gaze, “Fear stops you from doing things and taking what you deserve. I wouldn’t be here if I let fear get the best of me.” You remember applying for an interview and shaking your head because you really didn’t have much to offer her at all- you had heard rumors about what she asked of her assistants, but you didn’t take them to be true. She had stopped you before you sat down, inspected you like you were a piece of meat, and you couldn’t deny how hot it made you. When you read through the NDA, your cheeks had burned, and you squirmed in your seat much to Camille’s amusement.

The corner of her lip turns up in a smirk as she sits back, raising a brow, “You’re scared of me.” She tilts her head slightly and runs her eyes slowly down your body, while the uniform she chose left too much to the imagination, she loved how it made you look. Like you were going to her to be taught something, and you were. She was your teacher, and you were her good little student, doe-eyed and expectant.

You feel your cheeks take on more color, they were bound to be a deep red by now, and you hated yourself for the reaction. You weren’t scared of her, right? Your heart rate did increase when you were around her, butterflies fluttering in your stomach, but that wasn’t fear? Unless you misunderstood those reactions and were actually experiencing bouts of anxiety when around her. “Why would I be scared of you?”

“Because I’m fucking terrifying, look at me,” she gestures to herself, she didn’t have to sell herself to you because she knew the look in your eyes, the desire, the want, the lust. Yet you were still timid about showing it, not always, but most of the time. There was just the faintest flicker of fear in your eyes, she could see it even if you didn’t want to admit it. It made her hot.

You let out a bit of a chuckle, shaking your head, “You’re hot and intimidating, Camille, but not terrifying.” It didn’t take much for her to intimidate you, she could back you up against the wall and your breath would catch in your throat before a burning heat settled itself between your legs, your lips parted, and pupils blown. Maybe that was fear. And fear does strange things to your body when it involves one Camille L’espanaye.

“That’s because you haven’t seen me,” she smirks, running her tongue over her upper teeth much like an awaiting lion does when it sees prey. “You’ll see,” it was a promise, one way or another you would see her, and she couldn’t wait to get her hands on you when you do. When you do realize just how fucking scary she can be, then she’ll fuck every single thought out of that head of yours until you’re a pretty little doll for her.

“I can’t wait then,” you smile despite the brief flicker of anxiety that goes through you at her look, you didn’t mind being treated like a doll but this look was different, it made your breath catch in the back of your throat, and made you rub your thighs together briefly, subtly in hopes she would notice but of course she does- she always does. “You’d be surprised what I find attractive, Camille.”

“Oh?” Her smile grows and somehow her teeth seem sharper than before, she loved where this is going and it excited her deeply, “We have yet to talk about hard and soft limits. I know we’ve already fucked, but limits were never discussed.” She wasn’t a freak that didn’t respect those things, she took them seriously and would respect you outside of the bedroom while she was disrespecting your perfect body in the bedroom. She absolutely loved the sounds you made and how you looked with pretty bruises and bite marks all over.

“You’d listen to that?” You ask in disbelief before apologizing, she hadn’t indicated that she wouldn’t listen to you in bed, in fact when you’ve asked her to slow down previously, she has- same with when you asked her to stop. She was ruthless but she wasn’t a monster. You take a breath, taking the pad of paper on her desk and pen before writing them down, “You’re not a freak, are you?” You look at her, “Not into that piss or crap stuff because I’ll quit right now if you are.”

Camille screws her nose up in disgust, offended you’d even ask her such a thing- she’s a classy woman, not some bottom-feeder, “Ew, fuck no.” She gags, getting herself a coconut water to wash down the bad taste you’d put in her mouth, “I just want to know what you like so when you’re not servicing me, I can make sure you’re having fun too.” Her eyes follow every stroke of the pen, the longer the list of your green-light things grows, the more the fire builds in her stomach, the stronger the electricity surges through her veins.

“Good,” you hand the list over to her, your cheeks coloring when you see a wolfish grin. “I think you’ll be surprised the extent of things I find enjoyable.” You bite back a squeak when she points to the ground in front of her seat. You quickly move into position, your fingers itching to touch her creamy thighs, “Please-“

“Hm?” She looks at you over the top of the list you just wrote for her, “Please what? You can’t already be that desperate.” She looks back at the list, “Then again, the list does just scream desperate little slut. I wonder if I can get a stamp made just for you, stamp it right on your forehead so you see it every time you look in the mirror.” She chuckles at her idea, rather pleased with herself. “Yes, I think you’ll find a place that makes custom stamps so I can have one. Be a good little puppy and do that for me, hm?” Camille reaches down to pat your head, her hand moving down to stroke your cheek after, thoroughly enjoying the way you melt into her touch.

“A- A stamp? I suppose I could do that. Do you want me to do it now? I-“ You grab your tablet to start looking, ignoring the pain starting to grow in your knees the longer your kneeling on the tile flooring of her office. You quickly find a place that makes custom stamps, holding up a selection of colors up to her so she could pick, “I think the red is nice.”

Camille hums, “It would be more bold, wouldn’t it? Harder to hide, and more likely to stain, how fun.” She grins and nods for you to get on with it before focusing back on reading through your list of kinks.

“Red,” you repeat quietly before looking back at your tablet and order the stamp, your cheeks starting to burn at the text she wanted on it. Your mind starts to wonder about what the people who were in charge of making these custom stamps would think of this one, but they were also likely to have received far worse than this. You clear your throat, “I’ve ordered it. Estimated time is two weeks.”

“Always so quick to do what I ask of you,” she smiles, putting the paper on her desk before stroking your cheek, her hand moving down to cup your jaw and tilt your head up. She runs her thumb lightly under your bottom lip as her eyes stare into yours, her lip twitches when you press a soft kiss to the pad of her thumb before parting your lips to suck on it lightly. Camille lets out a pleased sigh, her pretty eyes darkening, “Such a good little puppy, aren’t you? So damn eager to please.”  She lets you suck her thumb a little longer before pulling it out and spreading her legs, “Come on, you’ve earned a treat.”

You gently rest your hands on her legs, moving closer so you could press kisses to her thighs. Her skin felt like silk, you could smell the lotion she uses and you found yourself never wanting to smell anything else. You go to graze your teeth against her skin but Camille tugs your hair roughly, “Don’t bite me,” she warns, only letting go when you rush out an apology. You kiss her skin again, murmuring another apology before carefully pushing her skirt further up her hips, your eyes darkening when you see her panties. You hook your fingers into them and tug them down. According to Camille, you were taking too long so she grabs your head and forces you between her legs. You let out a moan when you get your first taste of her, your tongue running through her folds and eagerly lapping her up. You swirl your tongue around her clit lightly before wrapping your lips around it and sucking gently, your finger starting to tease her pussy. You slowly push into her, gasping when her nails dig into your scalp, holding you firmer against her as you start to finger her. The louder Camille became, the more eagerly you pleased her, not stopping until you feel her gush against your face, and even then you lap her juices up not wanting to waste a drop.

Camille lets go of you and you rest your head against her lap as you both catch your breath, “Fuck,” she says after a few moments of heavy breathing, “I should get you to do that more often.”

You look up at her with twinkling eyes, “I’d stay under your desk if I could. That’s how addictive you are, Camille.” She chuckles and pats your cheek before leaning back and closing her eyes. “I’ll get you a coconut water-“

“No,” she cuts you off, “Just- Just sit, please.”

“Okay,” you smile and relax against her, wrapping an arm around her leg and closing your eyes too, the only sound in the room was your breaths. You didn’t want to think about it too much, her asking you to stay, what it meant, the consequences because that would ruin the content feeling that was washing over you and you didn’t want that. You just wanted to enjoy being this close to her. To enjoy being allowed to be this close to her. Camille, what an enigma.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  deadratz/@munsonkitten! They have 32 works in the Stranger Things fandom on AO3 and 31 of those are in the Steddie tag!

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @munsonkitten:

the sound of silence

float among the wreckage

share the same space for a minute or two

you make me feel like i am whole again

sugar on my tongue

"In a fandom with over 20 thousand fics, it's hard to find fics that stand out, and Grim has so many that feel like a breath of fresh air for the characters. His specialty is exploring Eddie's trauma, past and present, and being patient with letting him heal in a messy, realistic way that tears your heart out and puts it back. Grim takes on topics that can be difficult to explain, like trauma and gender exploration, and puts them into words so perfectly. His fics are entertaining and heartfelt and always hot, no matter which one you open, you're in for a treat and he has some hidden gems! Regardless of what's popular, Grim stays true to the characters and it's easy to trust him with them, and that's something to appreciate!" -- anonymous

Below the cut, @munsonkitten answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

When Season 4 came out, I had lost all motivation in my old fandoms. I hadn’t written anything in months, but then I saw Eddie and fell in love instantly. As I was watching, I started to have this little thought like “is anyone else seeing this?” when I saw Steve and Eddie interact, and I ended up on AO3, reading through anything that looked good out of the 300 fics that came out in those first couple of days, and then I kept reading, and I was completely inspired. I was pulled in, and I tried to write something between volumes 1&2 that didn’t go anywhere, but I didn’t want to give up on them because there was just this pull that kept me thinking of them, and then, of course, we saw Eddie’s fate and I immediately had to rectify that in my own way. I love writing Steve and Eddie because they come from very different worlds, but as a queer punk who also played sports in high school, I know firsthand how those worlds can collide and I can relate to both Steve and Eddie and how they fit into their places as the freak/jock. There’s also just a certain coziness that comes with writing Steddie for me, like they’re familiar and something I can find safety in. They’re both complex characters with traumatic experiences and there’s comfort in that and there’s comfort in being able to process my own life through the perspective of the two of them and apply different things to their canon personalities and backstories. It really comes down to, like, even though they’ve fought monsters, they’re really just regular guys, too. They’re relatable and accessible because their lives are pretty average without the monster stuff. I don’t find myself wasting time doing tons of research about certain jobs or lifestyles as I have with other pairings in the past. Steddie has just given me a lot of freedom to do what I want.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

There are so many tropes that I love. I think a lot of them depend on how they’re written, of course, so even tropes I don’t typically like to read can end up being really good to me. My go-to answer for this is usually pre-dating sharing a bed/only one bed, whether they’re sharing because they get paired up together on a trip; they’re laying low at Steve’s and Steve needs to keep an eye on Eddie while he’s healing; nightmares bringing them to each other in the middle of the night; or one of them just crashing in the other’s bed. I think there’s something so intimate about the way these scenes can be written, something very vulnerable that I just love. There’s a lot of trust that goes into being comfortable enough sleeping near someone else, and I think it’s a really good way to start Steve and Eddie’s relationship. I also love, love like any kind of friends with benefits situation where they’re obviously pining for each other and completely in love but try to pretend the things they do together is just “helping a friend out,” while mutually being in denial of feelings. It serves for great tension and there’s always really good pay off when they start dating.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

My answer for this is really similar to the last one. First and foremost, I write what I want to read. I’m just very drawn to these kinds of fics with pre-relationship intimacy that turns into something solid between them. So I love writing only one bed and pining/fwb/friends to lovers fics as much as I love reading them.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

It’s hard to choose just one favorite after almost two years of reading Steddie fics, but some real stand out fics for me that I’ve read fairly recently have been Trouble Looks Good on You by indelicate, Metamorphoses by fastcardotmp3, Play it Right by stereobone, and Doing Nothing with You by redoaktree. All of these give such nice depth to the characters and their situations and have stuck with me. “Trouble” is still ongoing, but I trust Rue (indelicate) with these characters so much that I can say it’s one of my favorites without having the entire fic yet. It just hits so many of my boxes for Steddie, has all the right factors for a phenomenal fic, and stays so true to the characters in my opinion.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I have so many plans for upcoming fics, but one I’ve been trying to find time to write for over a year now deals with a lot of grief/mourning of a loved one and includes rockstar!Eddie with a good slooow burn. It’s all things I’ve somewhat explored, but want to really expand upon with this one. I feel like I haven’t written a proper slow burn, either, because I tend to do fwb situations with slow burns on the emotional aspects and admitting feelings part of their relationship, and I want to do a full slowburn in more aspects of their relationship. 

What is your writing process like?

Usually I’m inspired by something, whether it’s a situation that happens to me or something I see on TV, and I think about what kinds of stories could be told with those elements. Sometimes I take one trope and try to build a fic around it, sometimes I see a tiktok or a scene in a show and decide I need to use that in something. Other times, I just have a sentence in my head that I have to write down and it turns into a whole page and then suddenly I have 5k words. A lot of my process is spent brainstorming with friends, talking through scenarios and seeing what kinds of responses they get, other times I have an idea and I run with it and don’t tell anyone until it’s done. There are some fics I’ve fully outlined and then gone in completely different directions, and there are some fics I never wrote down a single note for. I’ve had a few fics that started as just single sentences and turned into paragraphs and merged them with other ideas in other documents. My process is kind of chaotic and always changes, if I’m being honest, but it works for me. I think it entirely depends on the mood of the fic I’m trying to write, how much research goes into it, and how long it’s going to be, and all of that. Sometimes I’ll sit down to write something fully knowing it won’t go anywhere just to get me into a writing mood. I’m really all over the place with my process.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I don’t know if this is really a quirk, but I’m the type of person who will go weeks without writing anything and then suddenly have an entire chapter or oneshot finished in two days. I procrastinate until I realize I need to do something or until inspiration really hits me and then I just lock it in and write nonstop until it’s done.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

This is kind of fic-dependent. If I know for sure that I have the time and motivation for a story, I post as soon as I get chapters finished. If I know I don’t have the capacity for another long form fic, I’ll write out the first chapter and leave it in my drafts until I get a bit further on it, just working when I’m between other projects or stumped on something else. I wouldn’t exactly say I post on a schedule because it’s nowhere near consistent, but I’ve never finished a full multi-chaptered fic before I start posting. I do write a lot of oneshots and two chapter shorter fics, though, so those two chaptered ones are usually close to finished before I post them.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Hands down, the sound of silence. They’re not done yet, but ‘you make me feel like i am whole again,’ and ‘sugar on my tongue’ are also up there with ‘sound of silence.’ It’s my longest fic in this fandom (currently) and my second longest fic I’ve ever written. I put so much of myself into this fic and I’m just really proud of myself for it. There were some definite challenges with this one, with one character in the main pairing barely having any dialogue for the first half of the fic, with the other half of the pairing navigating his newfound sexuality and his life being turned upside down yet again, and I also have a few outsider POVs like Wayne, El, Robin and Hopper sprinkled in there, which is always difficult to work in for me. I’m proud of myself for doing all of that and finishing it.

How did you get the idea for the sound of silence?

This fic started as two separate documents, just unconnected pieces of different stories, both of them hitting dead ends with no hope for continuation. I had started with just a simple idea of Wayne and Steve meeting after the events of season 4 put Eddie in the hospital, and I wanted to show the way Wayne cares for the people who love Eddie, and that ended up becoming the beginning of the fic once I put all the pieces together. The other document I had started around the same time was a short Wayne POV about living with Eddie after S4 and the person he turned into after losing so much of himself. I wanted to explore the idea of someone as loud as Eddie going non-verbal for weeks to months at a time (something I explored in a different fandom, so that sort of inspired me to write SOS too), and when I finally put those together, it just felt like everything was so clear to me and I took off with these ideas.

When writing float among the wreckage, what was something you didn’t expect?

Oh boy. This one was actually difficult for me because I wanted it to be a hate sex fic, and I realized I’m just incapable of making Steve and Eddie hate each other at all. I did something like that one other time earlier when the fandom was still pretty new, but wreckage came to me nearly a year into writing them and I’d really cemented the idea of these characters in my head, and it was just… Very unexpected that I struggled to tap into that tension and hatred. It ended up being less about hating each other and more about misplaced/misidentified feelings in the end.

What inspired share the same space for a minute or two?

I think my friend Teddy actually gave me the main idea for this one. An end of the world “I’m going to die a virgin” apocalypse setting during “season 5.” From that, I just started writing and saw where it took me, and I’m happy with where I took it. Sometimes all I need is one sentence and then I have 11k words written in just a few days, and that fic was one of those times.

What was your favorite part to write from sugar on my tongue?

This is a really hard question because I love so much of this fic and it’s still ongoing so I might still write something I love even more than any previous parts. Without giving too much away, it’s probably a tie between their first smut scene in chapter 1, their club night in chapter 2, and the part in chapter 3 where Eddie’s walking down the road after he runs out of gas and has a lot of introspection about his life and how he finds safety in Steve. One of my close friends told me the writing in that last part was beautiful and I’ve since decided it’s one of my favorite things I’ve written.

How do/did you feel writing the sound of silence?

Sound of Silence was very cathartic for me. I’m so proud of this fic and it deals with so much I rarely see in fanfiction – some of the topics are unsexy and there are a lot of symptoms of mental illness that are highly stigmatized that people just might not want to read in a story. But I knew it was the story I needed to tell for Eddie, mostly, but for Steve, too, and for myself. It’s not always happy, but it’s real to me. Life can be ugly and people can be volatile and traumatized and struggle with sexual function and have undesirable compulsions, and writing that whole fic felt like a release in a way because it’s stuff I relate to and stuff my best friends have also gone through. And the comments on this fic have made me feel seen and less alone in the things I struggle with that I had Steve and Eddie struggle with, as well. I think it’s just really important to have those fics that give at least one reader some comfort in their own situations.

What was the most difficult part of writing you make me feel like i am whole again?

This fic is about gender identity and pregnancy and love and all sorts of stuff that can be hard to put into words. I’ve never experienced a pregnancy, so there’s a lot of research that goes into that, a lot of reading firsthand accounts and finding out all sorts of things that weren’t taught in sex-ed classes. It’s also been a very vulnerable fic for me because Steve and Eddie both experience gender in ways that I do, too. Every time I write about identity and dysphoria through them, I’m putting parts of myself on display for others, and that can be hard, especially when people don’t always understand. I’m very protective over this fic, and I’ve had to defend aspects of it from people who can’t always accept other people’s experiences with gender identity and queerness. That’s been difficult, even well meaning comments can come across as criticism when the writing is so close to home, and it’s been a struggle to keep my head on straight with this one. But as difficult as that may be, the pros outweigh the cons with this fic. It’s so rewarding when people DO relate to the things I write about, and it’s been validating for my own identity and I’ve been told so many times the fic has felt validating to others, too. So as difficult as it can be, I wouldn’t change anything. 

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

I mentioned this bit of sugar on my tongue earlier and I think it’s my current favorite, but I have so many scenes and lines from other fics I’d consider my favorites: The sun beats down on his face and arms. He’s burning, red skin and hot tears. He feels like he needs to crawl out of his own skin. To leave it on the ground and walk away someone else.  Someone who doesn’t have to deal with Al Munson, doesn’t have to deal with a town that hates him for things he didn’t do. He wants to be someone who doesn’t have to be Eddie Munson at all. He just wants to be someone else, to feel safe in the skin he wears.  He thinks Steve might be the only person who makes him feel that way, even if it’s only for a glimpse, a small fraction of his life. Even if it’s just in the quiet hours of the morning when they’re curled up in Eddie’s bed, or when they’re just two boys kissing in a bar where no one knows their names. He wants to feel like that again. Safe. 

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I’m helping with a Sub Eddie Week event in April, so if anyone wants to do a fic or art for that event, you can find all info @subeddieweek. Most of my upcoming work is going to be made for this event, so stay tuned.

Thank you to our author, @munsonkitten, and our anonymous nominator! See more of deadratz works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[rabbitbakery]

Picking up the pieces (Erasermic with a depressed daughter reader)

READ ME: I deleted this a few months ago bc I got embarrassed abt it, BUT I’m trying to be better abt letting myself write fanfics without feeling embarrassed, so I’m reposting it, sorry there hasn’t been any recent art I haven’t had the motivation to post any of my new stuff

OK SO- like I got this silly idea and wanted to write it. It’s daddy issues center over here 😎. Shota and Hizashi are your adoptive parents, and your 13 in this

(WARNINGS: implied neglect, HEAVY s/h (I used to go through that too, trust me there are better ways to handle your emotions. Everyone’s here for you. Helpline: Crisis Text Linehttps://www.crisistextline.org › help...FREE Help for Self-Harm | Text CONNECT to 741741), just depression in general)

—————————————————————

You don’t know….what’s wrong with you. All your life you’ve been used to being ignored, verbally harassed, bullied, really anything that comes with being quirkless. You avoided people, staying to yourself and your sketchbook, drawing silly cartoons to make yourself feel better. Fortunately for you, your school finally took notice of just how depressed you were, and did a welfare check on your home, one step inside caused your parents to lose custody IMMEDIATELY. You were placed with two of your favorite hero’s as your foster parents, Present Mic, and Eraserhead. You thought they were so cool! Mic’s radio show was your favorite thing to listen to while you drew, and Eraserhead’s quirk was so cool! You’ve tried to draw it a few times, you think you did ok, but you definitely need to work on shading. You adored living with them, you actually got to eat three meals a day, you had a house with lights, and running water. But….you still… struggled. You hadn’t quite quit self harming, it was just….hard. You just felt no motivation to, I mean who would care if some worthless quirkless girl like you was cutting right? You stayed in your room a lot, drawing and listening to music, you just aren’t…mentally energized to be social with your new parents most of the time. What you were currently doing was just that, drawing and listening to music with a warm blanket over you.

He understood wanting to be alone, hell Aizawa could hardly be social with his husband on bad days. But….you were wayyy more secluded than he is. He’s hoping he’s doing this whole parenting thing right, and that you weren’t avoiding them. He was doing little tasks around the house, dishes, dusting, in general just making it look tidy. His fluffy Persian cat was following his every move, tripping him at any chance she could find. Finally he got to laundry, he grabbed him and Hizashi’s clothing first and threw it in before heading towards your room. He can’t count how many times you’ve insisted that you could handle your own chores, and that he didn’t need to do your laundry for you. He really wishes you’d let him take care of you, but it was cute to watch you stammer and insist only for him to do it anyway. He gently knocked, hearing stuff shuffling around before he hears your soft little voice go

“Come in”

“Laundry day.” He went over to your hamper, and of course just on cue you go.

“Oh don’t worry about it Mr. Aizawa I can get it.” You hadn’t quite warmed up to calling them dad yet, which was ok, he would give you all the time in the world, hell he’d give you the world if he could.

“No no kid we’ve talked about this, let me take care of you. It’s my job.” His large hand ruffled your hair, causing your hands to shoot up and playfully swat him away. That’s when he saw it….your sleeve slipped down a bit, letting him see all he needed to see.

“…kid what’s…what’s all this?” You felt your stomach drop, his large calloused hand gently pulled your sleeve down revealing the many slashes and gashes on your arm…..fuck. 

“….i-“ you don’t…know what to say. Fuck you don’t know what to say! What do you do?! Fuck please don’t start crying, or begging you to “stop for him!”! No no no- you don’t think you can handle him being disappointed in you, or giving you a look of pity, you hate that! 

“….oh kid…come here..” his voice was softer then usual, way softer. He gently scooped you up, way easy for him since he was a pro hero. You’re then carried to the bathroom, gently sat down on the ledge of the tub, he starts shifting through the little Medkit they had. Shouta could kiss his husband right now for thinking of keeping one in the house.

“….sorry…” your voice is weak and wobbly, shit your on the verge of tears. You can’t cry- not now.

“For?” He sounds….fatherly….your not used to this…..it was nice…

“….you know what for….” He sighs, damnit if he ever got his hands on your biological parents he would just-

“Kid…this isn’t….something you should be sorry for, hell it’s not even your fault. You know I’m not…mad right? Or disappointed, or any of that. I’m worried. It’s my job to worry.”  He grabbed the hydrogen peroxide out of the tiny box, gently grabbing your arm and saying, “this is going to sting a bit, be ready.”. It does in fact sting quite a bit. As he dabbled your arm dry with a cotton ball, he hears the front door open and his husbands loud ass voice.

“IM HOOOOME!!!” He sounds just as cheery as always. Shit- no no no he can’t know to- you can’t handle this!-

“Hey, kid calm down, it’s ok.” Shouta says, rubbing your back. You had started hyperventilating you guess. Hizashi comes to where he heard his husbands voice.

“Hello my one an o-“ he stops talking when he sees you and….your arm. His demeanor changes from happy to worried in a millisecond.

“Wh- what happened?” Fuck he sounded so worried and sad, no no no-

“Hizashi can you wait for me in the bedroom, I’ll explain after I’m done patching her up.” He gives an uncharacteristic quiet nod and walks off. 

“Ok kid, I’m going to wrap this up and get you some tea, ok? Then I need you to talk to us, I want to know what’s wrong.” And he does so. He wraps up your injuries and leads you to the kitchen, making you a warm cup of sweet peppermint tea. He sits you down on the dining room table, and goes or his room. The home is quiet for a bit before you hear your parents walk back to the dining room, Aizawa and Hizashi sitting on ether side of you.

“Ok little listener, talk to us.” Hizashi’s voice is calm, but fatherly, his right hand gently grabs your own. 

“I….don’t really…know how to….” You don’t know what to say. You don’t know how to say it. 

“Ok, do you know…why you’re doing…that?” His hold on your hand gets a little firmer, his thumb tracing your palm.

“Um….well….you guys read my um…file…right..?” Whenever they started fostering you, they were required to read your file, of which stating why you were taken from your parents. It’s just a precaution so if you had ptsd, they would be prepared to handle it.

“Yes kid, we read it.” Aizawa says, tone soft and caring.

“Well…um..I would do…this…there. And now that I’m…here I don’t really know…” 

“How to stop?” Hizashi finished your sentence for you, seeing as you’re barely able to keep yourself from breaking down and crying. You nod, wiping your face with your sleeve. 

“Oh little listener…come here.” Hizashi pulls you into a hug, Shota joining. 

“Sorry dad…” you mumble, oh they hate that the first time you’ve called them that was under this circumstance. 

“Shhhhh, shhh kid it’s ok, it’s not your fault. We’re going to get you some help, ok? It’s ok.” Shota kissed the top of your hair. The rest of the night is spent cuddling with your two fathers in the living room, watching trashy tv and making fun of it. 

“I mean, sure it’s your wedding but damn you could’ve picked something nicer!” You guys were watching some weird off brand pick that dress show, Hizashi and Shota making fun of all the ugly dresses relentlessly, you weren’t focused on it too much, you were sleepy. Eventually you nod off in your father, Shota’s arms, Hizashi laying on you like a weird sandwich cuddle pile. This was…nice…..you could get used to this….

[littledollll]

hey sweetheart :'3 I was wondering if you were taking request. If you are would you be open to do a Lucifer x little angel reader. I just love your little fic if these and I'm always looking for more if them. I think I've read them all tho. So my idea was that maybe Lucifer and reader could have a fight I'll let you decide why. Then reader decide to go hide from Lucy and our favorite god starts panicking and all. Over all just really cute stuff 😊😊💖 Thank you for reading and have a nice day bby💕

The Gardens

Lucifer Morningstars x Little!angel!reader

A/n: man i just hope this is half decent. Got a little motivated to write about this idea when I got the request which made me very excited! I rarely let us see when R isn’t regressed which is kinda the point? But I think insights like this are really fun to write! (May 6)

A/n pt 2.: finishing this July 21 at 3am, where did I go wrong? I’m so sorry I took so damn long it’s insane bc i don’t even notice time passing. I was looking back at my old fics and noticed I’m always writing R going to sleep? I love that cuz some of my friends actually call me “sleepy” because apparently I’m always tired. (I am)

Warnings: a little arguing, Lucifer says some hurtful things, not much else. Just some sweet fluff after the hurt.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“Im the judge here. I alone decide the punishments and how souls will be handled. You might be my partner but you hold no power over me or hell. These are not your decisions to make or have a say on.” It was an angry spew of words. Lucifer doesn’t like having their authority challenged and you were the one person who could do that. For the first time, your own opinions were voiced in their work, and Lucifer didn’t seem willing to listen or like it at all.

Never in your time living in hell had you and Lucifer clashed about something so much.. it hurt, not to be ironic but it hurt like hell. Lucifer had never spoken to you in such a way. Never before had they used their intimidation tactics on you.

Lucifer being unnecessarily stubborn didn’t help at all, as they refused to actually listen to your opinion or swallow their pride and compromise. Or simply speak to you like an equal. Their words almost stung. “You have no power here.” That’s what they meant. And you couldn’t bear to listen anymore or even respond after that.

After a certain point you just gave up and walked away, leaving whatever they were about to spit back, in the dust, mid-sentence, and then ending up with a confused shocked expression. No one gets to just walk away from The Devil.

The worst part was that you wanted to run to them. As if words and a voice laced with venom hadn’t just been thrown in your face. As if they’d protect you even from their own self. They’ve always been your safe space, your comfort.. but you couldn’t, not today, not after your argument.

At first they were fine with you just walking away. They admit to being stubborn and hard to talk to.. everyone needs a little space to think sometimes, right? But then hours and more hours passed and you still refused to show.. it’s like you were hiding from them. There’s nothing Lucifer hated more than the thought of that. Did they really mess up that badly? That you, the most forgiving and lovely being they’ve ever met, simply refused them?

They couldn’t possibly leave it like that. Let you believe they think regularly of you, like you aren’t the most important being in their life, like you aren’t their special angel. So settling their pride aside accompanied with a bit of anxiety, they set out to find you.

You had gone to your safe space.. hiding away physically and mentally, letting your much calmer but also a lot sadder, little self take control.

Lucifer searched high and low for you, all around the palace, going as far as to actually ask for help looking. And thankfully it occurred in their mind that there was always one place you went when you seek comfort, and that was the little hidden gardens of the palace.

And there you were. Quietly sitting by their most recently planted flowers, daisies in fact. They always claimed those flowers suited you perfectly, not just the look, but the meaning. Which included purity, innocence, new beginnings, joy and cheerfulness. All things they saw in you. All things they loved about you. But of course there’s more, so much more that they love.

“My angel..” their voice was a complete contrast to their earlier attitude. Cautious as they approached you but still with a rush to have you close. Lucifer was unsure you’d ever forgive them, but there was no way you could possibly resent them, maybe you should have, but it wasn’t in your heart to reject them, so you let them approach without scurrying away.

Lucifer got down to your level, kneeling down on the floor and holding their hands out for you, which you immediately took, being pulled into a tight hug, their wings wrapping around you, effectively hiding you from the world just because they knew you loved it so much. They pressed a kiss to your forehead before hugging you close again. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, my sweet angel…”

Not knowing how to respond, you nodded just a little as you nuzzled close to their shoulder, basking in the warmth and comfort of their hug. “I should’ve never said that.. never. And I promise you I didn’t mean a single word of it. I’m.. I’m in no way excusing myself, and my awfully hurtful words- but I’m just not used to this, angel..”

You could understand that.. there’s no being of higher power here in hell, even in the universe actually, no one but them and the very God that created and banished them. They’re not used to being challenged or disagreed with, and ever the sinner they are also quite prideful, even as an angel. “I’ve done this alone for so long.. of course there’s other lords.. and Mazikeen. But not even they step in when it comes to my decisions, and when you did- I felt questioned. Which I recognize should be much more frequent than it is, but it’s a new thing, and I responded very wrongly to it.”

Not for a moment did the soft tone leave their voice, a mere whisper as they hugged you and refused to let go. They’d apologize for eternity if you so requested it. But even in your headspace you could appreciate them taking accountability, and recognizing that it was wrong. Not just that it caused a bad reaction from you. “I’m working on it, I promise. Your opinion does matter to me, In whatever situation, your voice matters to me.”

It hurt, of course it hurt. But Lucifer is always sincere in their word, and they were willing to work together, that’s all that mattered to you. So you quite adorably mumbled out a little, ‘I forgive’, as you rest your chin on their shoulder. And Lucifer couldn’t be happier. “Thank you, my sweet angel.. but also, you can’t hide away from me like that, tiny. You had me running all over the palace looking for you like a maniac!” They said in a more playfully, less serious tone as they chuckled.

“Let’s make a deal, yeah?.. if anything of the sort ever happens again, can I trust that you’ll be in your little room? Even if we’re a little upset at each other I always want to know that you’re safe. I understand needing a moment to decompress and think, that certainly helped me a lot today. But I’d just like to know you’re safe and that we can talk when we’re ready to, how does that sound?” You giggled as their voice took a more playful tone and you nodded, moving away a little to look at them, an adorable little smile painted on your face. “Deals!!” You said, rather excited despite the topic.

Of course you were aware that it was indeed quite possible to run into more arguments and disagreements like this, and even more that you’d slip. But knowing how much they care for you and love you, how much they worry and want you to be safe was quite reassuring that no matter what problems you ran into there wasn’t a thing you couldn’t surpass with just a little talking and cuddles.

They nodded, placing a soft kiss on your temple and deciding just then to take a moment and sit outside with you, which was rare, for reasons neither you or they could quite place. “It’s a deal then..” they replied with a soft tone, and you could hear their smile as they spoke. It was surprisingly quiet, oddly peaceful being out here with you. They scolded themselves for not doing this sooner and made a mental note for next times.

Of course your regression was still a secret and hell can be a dangerous place but the gardens are safe enough, specially with Lucifer and your hound friend who always stayed near. After a few moments, your voice interrupted their train of thought. “luci likes birdies?” The question seemingly came out of nowhere which made them chuckle a bit. “I do. What’s going on in that cute little mind of yours to ask me that, sweet one?” Their tone was obviously amused.

“No birdies in hell! Want one.. like morphi!” It seems your mind was running elsewhere, curiosity of things you always wanted to question but didn’t. “You could have one.. how about a dove? Just like you are my little dove.” Lucifer smiled and placed a little kiss on the tip of your nose, making you giggle and shy away. You were quick to nod and respond with a slight tone of awe. “Dovs pretty!”

“As are you!” Lucifer was never one to make spur of the moment decisions.. well- not at least until you came along. But how could they ever say no to you? The little angel wants a hound and a dove, so let’s get them a hound and a dove. Lucifer sighed, not in an upset manner nor exhaustion. More so in content, amused with themselves for being so susceptible to you. “Well then. Looks like my little dove is getting their own..”

[remylebeaugambit]

So, I decided to wait a little to think this show over. As a Gambit fan I’m still pretty much bitter about it all. However, as an X-Men fan, I can say I understand why people love the show. But I also believe there’s an exaggerated amount of praise due to the fact that we’ve been starving for good X-Men content. 

I was going to write a much angrier version of this text (I actually outlined an angry rant but there were too many fuck yous), however I’m trying to be reasonable here. The animation is mostly impeccable (don’t like the way the women are drawn, but that’s a minor complaint), it’s colorful and vivid and fluid. The action scenes are mostly awesome too. So, yeah, there’s a lot of good in it. Having said that, there’s tons of problems as well and the great majority of fans are willingly blind to them because of, you know, the good and the lack of content for years. 

I want to be bluntly honest and say I’m glad that the showrunner had been fired. I wholeheartedly don’t believe he is deserving of all the praise he’s been getting because my biggest issues with this show come from the writing. It’s amazing and exciting to see scenes from the comics being brought to life in beautiful animation? Yes, definitely. But it’s not enough when the writing is rushed and lacking.

First, I thought I was biased because I hated what they were doing to Gambit, but now I really, truly don’t think this show that amazing. The first half of the season was mostly decent, there were things I didn’t like but that wasn’t enough to called it bad. Episode 5 was when the show peaked (although to be fair Gambit wasn’t in it much, it was the way he went down that made it memorable) but after that it just went downhill.   

All the plot holes, the playing favorites, the inconsistencies, the rushing through storylines, the terrible pacing, the loose ends, the weak motivations, the terrible character development, the retcon to characters’ relationships (so Ororo and Jean are sisters now? Ororo was way closer to Rogue in the original cartoon, but, you know, Rogue had to be isolated for her disgusting retcon and inconsistencies of character and decisions to work out. Newsflash asshole: they didn’t. Rogue was character assassinated. And though I love her in the original show, I wouldn’t be this angry if it hadn’t directly affected Gambit the way it did), and, of course, all the foreshadowing of Gambit becoming Death left to be (hopefully) resolved in the second season. That means there was no payoff. I repeat: the show was mostly curveballs and no real payoff. With a cast that big, you don’t expect all the characters to have satisfying character arcs but in this case if you aren’t a Jean, Scott or Magneto fans you’re left hanging. 

Storm, who has been friends with Gambit, simply didn’t even mention his death. The excuse was that ended up on the cutting room floor, but don’t be fooled, there was enough time for Ororo to smile and hug Jean and later tell her platitudes (what a boring, cheesy speech!). There was also plenty of time for all those insufferable Magneto moments. “You killed more people than the Nazis? Awwww that’s fine, cause you’re family.” 😉 None of it was cut, right? That leads me to my biggest gripe with his show: fucking Magneto. I hate that took so much space and was unironically written as an old man who groomed a teenage girl (they can lie all they want and say she was an adult. She WASN’T. She was a teenager with serious emotional issues), manipulated her, gaslighted her, isolated her and told her pretty things to bang her. I guess that’s what’s called romance nowadays. I mean, the show runner didn’t even try to hide his fetiches for the old creep. All those plot contrivances and conveniences to accommodate someone’s wet dream. 

Ok, so, I don’t want to go ad hominem on the show runner here, but to be fair, he’s been dishonest with us fans this whole time, he’s lied straight-faced, said a lot of stuff that hasn’t panned out, given dubious answers, manipulative and evasive comments, asked for our trust, even though he’d been lying and giving us false hope (trust is earned, dude; I stopped trusting him after the first lie, if ever), and there are people, Gambit fans, still being hopeful and taking his words at face value. Fucking seriously? THAT dress was just another spit in our collective faces. Wake up!), also he’s self-indulgent, and pathetic in his comments about being the master of magnetism (ok, I lied. So what?).        

All in all, I don’t think that show is as good as so many people are making it out to be and I’m way too happy about the firing of the show runner. To him, I say, thank you for tainting the legacy of something dear and pure from my childhood. Good riddance, please, don’t ever come back, sink into oblivion and go fuck yourself (ok, I needed at least one fuck you, he’s had it coming). 

Ps. Romy fans, mark my words, the old creep will be making passes at Rogue and since she has no personality in this, we can expect the worse, like little Charles next season or anything else that is just as irreversible. I’m mean, an old man fucking a teenager is already irreversible to me. But that’s me. 

[mlink64]

Ch.1🍼Step Out: 24 Makes 1 Team *A Stray Kids and Ateez (Strayteez) Combined FF*🍼

WC ~3K

Meet our MC and learn how she winds up here...

Intro here

FINALLY I'm getting to this 😭 life has just been life'in and I have had zero motivation to finish this up (which is so dumb because it was basically all written, it just needed to be edited)

If you prefer wattpad you can find it/me here

Eventually I'll get masterlists pulled together for all my stuff but, baby steps (pun very much intended)

Y/N reads through the article again with a sigh. Lijoon had assured her that it was accurate, aside from not including Daesong - KQYP is still keeping him a secret for the time being. However, Y/N still hadn’t decided if the article eased her nerves or made them worse. Being a nanny for seven children under 7 is already a daunting task…but add idol parents into the equation and she’s in completely unknown territory. Lijoon had assured Y/N that KQYP was excellent about security and protocols, as well as communication in general but still…

 Y/N’s been in childcare for almost 10 years, but she wasn’t sure if she could do this.

How did I get myself into this…?

*One Week Prior*

“I have a proposition for you Y/N-ah” Lijoon says, her tone becoming serious. 

Y/N puts her drink down and gives the woman her full attention. 

“The group I nanny for is going on tour soon and obviously, I will not be along for the ride,” she begins, her hand on her pregnant belly. 

It made sense, she was just entering her third trimester, and if the tour was a long one they might not even be back by the time her due date comes around. 

Lijoon nannied for a very popular K-Pop group, so popular in fact that she hasn’t been allowed to tell anyone who they are in the year or so she’s been working for them - even Y/N. She had to go through all this craziness and sign a million forms and NDA's when she started. All she could ever say was that it was a big group with several members who were the parents of young children.

“Okay, what does that have to do with me?” Y/N asks nervously, despite already having a bit of an inkling as to where this was going. 

“I want you to take my place as their nanny”

Whup, there it is.

“I don’t know…” the younger trails off nervously.

“Come on girl! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - you are meant to do so much more with your life than whither away in a shitty daycare center that doesn’t appreciate you!” she rants.

Only three years apart, Lijoon and Y/N were like sisters - and like a real big sister, Lijoon could get a bit protective of the younger woman. The pair has been through a lot together, meeting when Y/N was hired at the daycare center where Lijoon was working at the time. Y/N was only a few years out of high school - both excited and terrified to have landed a job at such a ‘high-end’ center; Lijoon took the girl under her wing almost immediately. 

When they met, the older woman could tell right off the bat that Y/N was born to work with children and that she was meant to do big things - and she’s spent the last few years trying to get Y/N to see it too. The past year in particular had been particularly traumatic for Y/N, and Lijoon knew that the 25-year-old needed to venture out of her comfort zone, the daycare center, and spread her wings. It was time - and she told Y/N as much. “You need to get out into the world, Y/N-ah! I know the last few months have been hell for you, and regardless of how often you insist that you’re fine, I know you’re not. This could be your opportunity to change all of that! Show him that he can’t break you, Y/N!” 

The younger tenses at her friend’s words, but before she can reply her phone alarm chimes - alerting her that her lunch break is almost over. She gets up with a sigh, tucking her phone in her purse and grabbing her to-go cup. Lijoon sends Y/N a small, understanding smile and stands to hug the woman goodbye. 

“Please, just think about it. As much as it hurts, you’ve got nothing holding you here anymore, Y/N-ah” Lijoon murmurs, pulling away. 

With a nod, Y/N makes a silent promise to Lijoon that she’ll genuinely think things over. 

The woman settles back into the booth and watches as her younger friend leaves the cafe and heads out into the chilly winter air. 

Lijoon’s words echo in Y/N’s head for the rest of the day. She’s right of course - Y/N knew full well how shitty her daycare gig was. Despite being there for almost five years, she’s still overworked and underpaid; not to mention the toxic politics of the center which were never in her favor. The staff was catty, the director was rarely in the building, and the parents were rude and entitled. So when Y/N finally gets to her car that evening - exhausted and on the verge of tears for the third time that week - she takes a few deep breaths and dials Lijoon’s number.

An email comes that evening with an interview date. 

Two days later Y/N sits in the bright, modern lobby of the KQYP building. She still doesn’t know which group the job was for, but the fact that they were under KQYP was already making her nervous; Y/N didn’t know much about K-Pop (or pop culture in general), but even she knew that KQYP represented dozens of well-known groups with fans all over the world. 

Twisting one of her rings in time with her breathing, she tries to stay calm and grounded.

Relax Y/N, it’s just another interview…

Before she has time to overthink some more, she’s pulled from her thoughts when she hears her name. Standing in front of her is an older woman wearing a KQYP ID Badge that reads ‘Choi Hwayoung’ and holding a clipboard.

“Yes, that’s me” Y/N answers, looking to the woman.

Unbeknownst to Y/N, the elegant woman is the primary assistant to the CEOs themselves and usually acts as a first “test” when they’re hiring new people at the company. She’s been with the CEOs since the beginning and has become a shockingly good judge of character over her many years working in the industry. Just like Lijoon had, Hwayoung can immediately tell that there’s something special about Y/N. Something in the pretty girl’s big eyes just catches her attention right off the bat- a kind and caring warmth that Hwayoung just knew put everyone around the young woman at ease, whether she knew it or not. 

“Come with me please,” she says with a smile.

Y/N follows the woman through the halls until they reach a sleek set of double doors. With a quick knock, the assistant pushes open the doors and ushers Y/N into the large boardroom before announcing her.

“Lee Y/N”  

“Thank you very much,” Y/N says with a bow to the assistant before turning to face the rest of the room. 

The respectful action does not go unnoticed, and when the CEOs make eye contact with Hwayoung she gives them a smile and a subtle nod of approval before she backs out of the room, quietly pulling the double doors shut. 

Test number one, check. 

Alright, let’s do this…Y/N gives herself one more quick shot of encouragement before smiling brightly at the room full of people. “Hello! Thank you in advance for having me!” she grins with a deep bow before taking a seat in the chair directly in front of her. 

The boardroom is long and open, with floor-to-ceiling windows on the back wall. There are several men and women on either side of the table and three men sit at the head, directly across from Y/N. One of the men she didn’t recognize, but she realized with a start that the other two were the KQYP CEOs themselves - Park Jinyoung and Kim Kyuwook. 

The duo were infamous for their opposing personalities; Kim Kyuwook stayed out of the spotlight for the most part, supposedly preferring the production side of things - the stuff behind the scenes. Park Jinyoung on the other hand acted more as the face of the company - notorious for his flashy, over-the-top personality. 

Nothing like throwing me right into the deep end… Y/N thinks, straightening up as she settles into her designated seat. 

“Hello, Miss. Lee - I’m Park Jinyoung, one of the CEOs here. This is Kim Kyuwook, my co-CEO, and this is Jung Eunhwa; he is the primary manager for the group you’re here for - he will be asking a majority of the questions moving forward, as he knows the group best” 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all,” Y/N answers with another bow. 

“Let’s get right to it then; please tell us about yourself, Miss. Lee,” Kyunwook picks up where his partner left off. 

“Well, my name is Lee Y/N. I’m 25 years old, I have two younger siblings, and I grew up in Southern ChungCheon” 

Some of the people around the table nod or write down notes.

“What brought you to Seoul?” a woman on the left asks.

“I’ve always loved traveling and experiencing new things, and Seoul has had my heart since I was young so it was a no-brainer honestly” Y/N explains with a smile.

That and a few other things… she thinks to herself, but they don’t need to hear that story. 

More nods and pens scratching. 

“Now, Miss. Lee - I understand that you’re a good friend of the current caretaker, Kim Lijoon” the manager, Jung Eunhwa questions.

“Yes Sir, we met when we were both employed at D2D Daycare in Seoul” Y/N answers with a nod. 

“Lijoon is very highly regarded around here so her recommendation already reflects well on you, Miss. Lee”  Eunhwa says with a smile. 

His presence was very calm and collected and it started to settle Y/N’s nerves as soon as he spoke.

It’s just another interview, piece of cake, Y/N relaxes and they continue. 

After an hour or so they wrap up. “Thank you for coming in Y/N,” Eunhwa says with a smile, rounding the table as Y/N rises from her seat. 

They shake hands and then Eunhwa pulls open one of the big doors for her. 

“Hwayoung will show you to a waiting room while we deliberate” he nods.

Y/N walks out of the board room and sure enough, the older woman is standing right there in the hallway waiting. 

“Thank you again!” Y/N grins with another bow before following Hwayoung down the hall.

Little does she know, as soon as Y/N leaves the room fills with excited chatter. The employees weren’t being facetious when they had expressed their fondness for Lijoon during Y/N’s interview; even though she’d only been there a short while, the sweet young lady had already snuck her way into their hearts. Not only was Lijoon kind to everyone, but her vibrant personality was infectious. Plus, the way she took care of the band’s children was admirable. The kids all loved her and the boys have also mentioned that their children have seemed happier and more at ease since Lijoon had been caring for them. Even before the woman became pregnant and the company started preparing for her eventual maternity leave - Lijoon had always spoken highly of her co-worker. 

Y/N isn’t waiting long, barely a half hour after she leaves the first interview, she’s taken further into the building for another interview, followed by a round of background checks and some more NDAs. Eventually, Y/N is ushered back into the same boardroom from the beginning of the day. This time, instead of the room being full of intimidating employees, there are only three people at the table - the CEOs and Eunhwa. 

“Miss Lee, please sit,” the manager says with a smile. 

After returning his smile and bowing she sits down across the table from the three. “We know this is all moving quite fast, but we are inclined to offer you the position” he continues.

Y/N’s face lights up in excitement, her infectious grin warming the hearts of the three men and further cementing their decision. 

“Now, before you make your decision there are a few things we would like to share with you before one last interview” Park Jinyoung begins.  

“Alright” Y/N nods, giving them her full attention.

Will I finally get to learn which group I would be working for?! she wonders. 

“Before we continue, we have another NDA for you to sign Miss. Lee” the CEO nods.

He slides a document toward Y/N and thankfully, it’s only two pages. She reads through it quickly before signing.

“Alright, now that you’ve agreed to keep the identity of the group confidential we can share some more information with you”  Kyuwook continues. 

Y/N nods in excitement. “The group in question is Strayteez, our 16-member boy group” 

Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise, Strayteez was undoubtedly the most well-known group under KQYP right now; again, Y/N didn’t consider herself to be at all well-versed in pop culture but she certainly knew who they were…

“Now, for the last part of your interview, we’re going to bring in all the members to ask you a few questions of their own. It’s more of a formality though, as they’ve been watching our previous interviews and have already expressed their approval” Eunhwa says, nodding toward a corner of the room where a camera was mounted on the wall. 

Y/N swears her heart skips a beat when she hears that the members already think she would be a good match for their children, she has seen several reports expressing how much the members care for their little ones and for them to already feel that they can trust her is a massive compliment.

The door opens and Y/N is momentarily stunned at the fact that she’s all of a sudden meeting the group face-to-face. She may not be one of their fangirls, but she’s still about to meet some of the most famous 4th-gen idols in the business. With their faces plastered all over Seoul and the internet, Y/N knew what they looked like of course, but the members’ visuals still floored her as they entered the boardroom. Not to mention the aura that accompanied the group as they walked in - strong and powerful but also, completely at ease; They were in their element - calm, comfortable, happy. “Hello there,” Y/N greets, standing and bowing in greeting. 

Not all of the members are present, as Y/N only counts 9, but it’s still a bit overwhelming as they all settle in the chairs on the sides of the long table where the other employees had sat during Y/N’s first interview. 

“Nice to meet you, Miss Lee. I’m Bang Chan, and this is Kim Hongjoong, we are the leaders of Strayteez” begins a muscular man with dark hair. 

He gestures to another smaller man with blonde hair and they both bow in greeting.

“First off, we wanted to thank you for considering the position. We know it’s a difficult one but Lijoon-ssi has been in your corner from the start and we were all very excited to meet you” starts Bang Chan with a smile that revealed an adorable set of dimples. 

“Thank you all for giving me a chance.” Y/N smiles, a faint blush coloring her cheeks at such high praise from idols of their caliber.

“We wanted to start with any questions you might have about the position,” he continues. 

“I’m told that there are seven children. Who are the parents in the group?” Y/N asks, looking up at the men. 

Bang Chan speaks up again, “That would be Seonghwa - ” he started, gesturing to an elegant man with sharp features who shoots her a dazzling smile. 

“He has two girls: Reiyun is four and Tessa is one” the eldest leader continued. 

“Hongjoong. His son is Lukas, also four” he gestures to a smaller man blonde man again.

“Changbin’s son Hajoon is five” Chan nods to another man whose round cheeks were an interesting foil to his broad, muscular build.

“Wooyoung’s baby girl, Biao, is two” a cheeky boy with his hair tied in a ponytail grins at her.

“Felix has Emerald - we call her Eme - who is also four” Y/N can’t help but smile back at the cute, freckly man whose grin lights up the whole room.

“Then last is our maknae- Jeongin. His son Daesong is almost 6 months” Chan finishes, nodding to a young man with sharp, cat-like eyes.

A shy smile from the youngest reveals an even deeper set of dimples than Chan’s, and Y/N just wants to poke them and squeeze his cute cheeks. 

Ever the observant one, Seungmin can’t help but be surprised that she doesn’t seem to know the group very well. He’s not trying at all to be egotistical, but most people know them and at least a few details about everyone. Granted, they try to keep the kids out of the media as much as they can but still…he locks eyes with Yeosang across the table, and he can tell his hyung is thinking the same thing. Probably better that way, honestly, Seungmin muses, tuning back into the conversation. Half an hour goes by in a flash as they all discuss the kids and the position with Y/N, the boys all warming up to her surprisingly well. Unlike the previous interviews, Eunhwa remained relatively quiet this time - focusing more on how the boys and Y/N interacted. Being their head manager, Eunhwa knows the group inside and out and knows how to read their body language and moods like an open book. He had been impressed with Y/N from the start, but now he was even more assured in his decision. He could practically see all the boys relaxing as their conversation with Y/N progressed, which was not an easy feat.  

“So, what are your thoughts, Y/N?” Kyuwook speaks up.

“I would absolutely love to accept the position, but if it’s alright with everyone, I would like to meet the children before any decisions are set in stone,” she requests, earning strange looks from almost everyone present. 

“And what would that accomplish?” questions Hongjoong, a drop of disdain coloring his words. 

Why does it matter? Does she think she won’t like the kids? That would be ridiculous…he thinks, his ‘papa bear’ side coming out. Not just for Lukas, but all of the children. 

“As funny as it sounds, I want to make sure all the children want to give me a chance too,” she explains.

There are still several confused faces throughout the room, so Y/N elaborates, “If I’m going to be with them nearly every day, I don’t want them to dislike my presence. Sometimes kids just don’t click with people and that’s totally normal, but I don’t want to cross any boundaries” 

Her explanation makes perfect sense, but it still catches the room off guard - as none of them had ever thought about it before.

“So, if I’m understanding correctly, regardless of how much we like you, you would be willing to pass up the position if the children don’t like you?” Park Jinyoung asks incredulously. 

“More or less, yes. I know that thinking they’ll like me all the time is unrealistic - but I want them to be as comfortable as possible. I’m sure being on tour will be a little overwhelming for them at times, and I don’t want to add to their distress any more than I have to because, at the end of the day, their mental and emotional well-being is more important” 

For a moment, everyone is silent as they again contemplate her words. Then, Hongjoong’s previously serious face breaks into a huge smile. “I think that’s a great idea when you put it like that,” he grins.

[huuuuughes]

Swaymas - Chapter 6

Summary: The dreaded holidays have almost arrived, and everyone says that there is always a bit of calm before a storm...

Word count: 4.3k

Warnings: fluff mostly, sprinkled with some angst. theres some real stuff comin up so i didnt wanna make it too heavy!! however jeremy "my wIFE" swayman!!!!!!

a/n: sorry for the lack of posting the last few days. the new year has not been kind to my house, to say the least. were still truckin tho <3

One last game before the holiday. One more game before you could turn off your microphone, shut down your laptop, and put your things away for 48 hours. Or at least until you had to board a plane to Columbus, but you were trying not to think about that for a moment at least. If your life had gone the way you thought it was supposed to, you’d be married to Brian right now somewhere in the middle of the Caribbean on your honeymoon. You’d probably be by yourself, doing the things you planned because Brian didn’t actually care. Funny how life could change so quickly and look so differently than it did before. Instead you looked down at the new ring on your finger, the one given to you by Jeremy. It gave you the warm fuzzy feeling you were supposed to have when you looked at your ring. 

You had yet to contact your parents again. You didn’t really want to, you just wanted to enjoy a holiday for once and enjoy it for what it was. Being alone with your thoughts was never fun but at least it gave you time to decide that waiting until after holiday craziness would be the best way to deal with your own parents. You were in charge of your own life now, and you had tried to tell them before. They didn’t care about you for you, they cared about appearances. But now you had to focus, just one more day. 

Having to be at the rink at different times kind of sucked some days but it meant you got to come home together at the end of the night. You got to see him come in for his arrival in his holiday suit that you helped him pick out with the socks he was so excited to show off. Speaking of showing off, you hadn’t slept together since that night in Vancouver. Your brain couldn’t decide if it was because he wasn’t actually falling for you and he only slept with you because he was just really in the mood and you were there, or if he was and now he was scared or if he didn’t want to cross some kind of invisible boundary or if his head was just too in the hockey-zone or something, but he hasn't touched you like that again. Cuddling at night sure, but nothing like that. It kept that tiny little part in the back of your brain that reminded you that this whole thing wasn’t real on paper. 

Focus Y/N. You don’t need to think about that right now. 

Tonight’s game was against the Washington Capitals, and the Bruins needed a win to keep their motivation going. You didn’t need to think about that right now. You were here to do your job, to help Jeremy and the team. You could figure everything else out later. You've found yourself saying that phrase a lot lately.

Tonight was all about the game. 

As the players took the ice for warm-ups, you slipped into your usual rhythm. You caught the excitement in the air, the tension of the game that everyone could feel. The Bruins were in a good spot, but a loss tonight could throw them off course. You had a feeling they were ready for it, though—Jeremy was determined. You could see it in his eyes, his energy as he moved through his pre-game routine.

You sat at the side, typing out notes for your upcoming report, but you couldn’t help but glance over at him every now and then. There was something magnetic about him. It had always been there, but now, it felt different. You had become so used to him being around that it almost felt like he’d always been a part of your life. The routine of it was comforting, even if there were things about the relationship you weren’t sure of yet. You could become so sure because of how sure he was. It was infectious, his smile. It wasn’t perfect, but you weren’t expecting perfection. You were both figuring it out as you went. And that was okay.

You focused on the game as it began, the puck moving up and down the ice. The energy in the arena was electric, the fans on their feet, rooting for the team. Jeremy had a strong first period, keeping the Capitals from getting too comfortable. The tension in the air was palpable, but you could see the Bruins pushing, knowing how much this game meant. By the second period, the Bruins had managed to score a couple of goals, taking the lead. The team was hungry for this win, and you could tell they weren’t going to let it slip away. You couldn’t help but smile when Jeremy caught your eye from across the ice. You kept each other motivated throughout the night. His look was brief but filled with meaning, a little reassurance.

You had no idea what the future held, but at that moment, it didn’t matter. For now, you had the game, you had Jeremy, and you had something real—something that felt like it was worth fighting for. The rest of the game was a blur of plays, penalties, and cheers. In the end, the Bruins walked away with a well-earned win, the crowd roaring as they celebrated. The team skated off the ice, heading to the locker room for their post-game routine.

You stood up, feeling a strange sense of pride—pride for them, pride for the team, and maybe a little bit of pride in the fact that you were here, in this place, with Jeremy and so many of the people that you now cared about. It was hard to think that you even worked here with Brian at all. Had you ever enjoyed being here this much before? It didn’t even matter anymore, you were finally starting to believe yourself. 

You weren’t the lead reporter that night, and that was fine by you. Everything was set and ready to be published on the website and where it needed to be, which meant you were now free. At least as free as the outside stressors of the world would allow you to be. For the first time in what felt like forever, you let yourself just be.

In the quick time it took to get home, Jeremy was practically carrying you inside the apartment from how tired you were. The weight of the day had finally caught up with you. 

“I know we’re both exhausted, but just a few more minutes okay? Don’t open your eyes until I tell you to.” 

You sighed. You didn’t have the heart to tell him that surprises honestly made you really anxious but for him, maybe you could learn to enjoy them. 

“Just a couple of minutes,” he said, a hint of excitement in his voice. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”

You raised an eyebrow, a little confused but intrigued. “A surprise? You know I’m way too tired for surprises right now, right?”

He chuckled softly. “Trust me, it’ll be worth it. Just let me do this for you, okay?”

You gave him a weary but affectionate smile, deciding to play along. “Fine, but you’re lucky I’m exhausted, or I’d totally fight you on this.”

Jeremy grinned and led you to the couch, urging you to sit down while he went to grab whatever this surprise was. Your mind was already feeling hazy from exhaustion, but you couldn’t help but feel a flutter of curiosity.

A few moments later, Jeremy returned holding a small, carefully wrapped package. He placed it gently in your hands, his eyes warm with affection. “Go ahead, open it.”

You slowly unwrapped the gift, your heart skipping a beat when you saw what was inside. It was a framed photo of the two of you, taken during the Bruins’ family skate. It wasn’t just any photo—it was a candid shot of you laughing as you tried (and failed) to skate gracefully with Jeremy by your side, his hand on your back, steadying you. The joy in both of your faces, the carefree moment captured in time, made you smile. It was a snapshot of your life now, of all the things that had changed in such a short amount of time.

“Jeremy... this is perfect,” you said, your voice thick with emotion. It wasn’t just a picture—it was a memory, a reminder of the laughter, the love, and the way everything was slowly falling into place. It was real. It was something to show off the two of you, in a space you now shared. This seemed to be very real to him. 

He smiled softly, his eyes tender as he watched you. “I thought it would be nice to have something to remind us of that moment. Of yesterday, and all of the craziness recently.”

You felt your heart swell, the gesture small but so meaningful. “It’s perfect,” you whispered again, brushing your thumb over the photo frame as if trying to soak in the memory of it.

“Good,” he said, before gently taking the photo from your hands and placing it on the coffee table, before sitting down beside you. He then turned toward you, his hand lightly resting on your shoulder, a comforting weight. “But that’s not all, okay?”

You raised an eyebrow in curiosity but also exhaustion. “Jeremy, you’re already spoiling me.”

His smile was soft as he looked at you. “Just trust me.”

He then stood up, moving around you to grab something from the other side of the room. You closed your eyes for a moment, trying to keep your energy up, but Jeremy came back a moment later with a tray—on it, a steaming mug of hot tea, a small candle lit beside it, and a bowl of your favorite chocolates.

“I figured,” he began, his voice a little quieter now, “after a long day, you might need a little more care. Something to help you unwind.” He set the tray carefully in front of you. “I know you’ve been working hard, and it’s been a lot lately and now you’re in a new space, so I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

You blinked up at him, touched. His thoughtfulness, even after a full NHL game, never ceased to surprise you. “Jeremy, you didn’t have to do all of this. I’m fine.”

“I know you are,” he said gently, “but you deserve to take a break, too. It’s okay to take a moment for yourself.” He sat beside you again, his hand resting on yours. “Just let me take care of you tonight, okay?”

You smiled softly, feeling your heart settle with a sense of peace you hadn’t realized you were craving. “You really are something else.”

“Just doing what feels right,” he replied, brushing his thumb over your hand with a slowness he knew you would notice. He was looking at you in a way that said something, but you didn’t know what. You couldn’t read him like that quite yet. “Now, drink your tea and relax. I’m here. Whatever you need.”

As you sipped the warm tea and let the soft glow of the candle fill the room, you realized just how much his presence, his thoughtfulness, was all the holiday warmth you needed. It wasn’t about the big gestures or extravagant presents—it was the small things, the moments that made you feel seen, loved, and cared for. You’d never been good at accepting those types of things, you’d been doing them for yourself for so long. 

He sat next to you, massaging out the knot in your shoulder you didn’t even realize was there. Each sip of the tea warms you from the inside out and helps the tension ease from you little by little. You thought it would make you more tired, but it didn’t. You hadn’t noticed at first, but he had put on your favorite movie. How he had even found out what that was, you’d never know, but at this point you weren’t going to question his superhero methods. You guessed it was his way of performing everyday miracles, and you were going to let him. Once you were finished with your tea and chocolate, you leaned into him and let the comfortable silence settle over you. 

“Hey..psst. Where do you want to sleep? Your room or my, I mean our-” He whispered, but got confused in asking his own question. 

“What?” You replied, a little out of it.

He chuckled softly at your confusion, his fingers still gently massaging your shoulder. “I don’t think attempting to sleep on the couch together would be very comfortable. Do you want to sleep in your room, or should we just stay in mine? I know we shared on the road and I know it’s a weird question, but I was thinking... You know, we’ve kind of been living together like this, and I just want you to be comfortable. You’re tired and I’m nervous, I’m sorry.”

You blinked a few times, your brain still a little foggy from the warmth of the tea and the calm of the night. The question wasn’t something you’d expected, but now that it was asked, it felt like a good one. The thought of where to sleep, of how the two of you had settled into this strange and new routine, was suddenly much more important than you realized. Being on the road and having a routine was one thing, being at home and having one was another. 

"I mean… we’re kind of sharing the space already, right?" you said, your voice soft as you tried to gather your thoughts. "And it’s... been nice, the way things feel here. So maybe we should just stay here? Together, I mean. Not out in the living room. You’ve seen me naked Jer, I think we’ve gone there already haven’t we?"

You thought about the night you shared in Vancouver again, and how you hadn’t crossed that line since. Your brain is awake now, and on high alert. The hairs on the back of your neck were standing up, and it was almost like you felt a feeling move down your spine.  

Jeremy’s hand paused on your shoulder, his fingers stiffening for just a moment before resuming their gentle rhythm. His laugh was soft, more of an exhale than anything else, but there was something charged in the air now, something unspoken. 

“Yeah, Vancouver was… different,” he said quietly, almost like he was testing the waters. 

He was the one who mentioned it by name. He called you wife and he wore the ring, but his hesitation told you that he was just as nervous as you were. He also needed reassurance.You could feel the weight of the memory creeping in. Vancouver had been unexpected—a night where boundaries blurred in the chaos of being on the road. It had been both too much and not enough, and since then, you’d both danced carefully around it, as if pretending it hadn’t happened would keep things simple. 

Except things weren’t simple anymore. Everything that had happened since you’d been back had thrown the two of you for a loop. 

“I didn’t mean to bring it up like that,” you murmured, suddenly unsure if you’d made things awkward.  

“It’s okay,” he said quickly, his voice low and steady. “I mean, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it.”  

That caught your attention. Your gaze snapped to him, finding him looking at you with an expression that was a mix of uncertainty and something else—something deeper.  

“You’ve thought about it?” you asked, your voice quieter now, almost afraid of the answer. No, you were afraid of his answer.

He shifted, his hand falling away from your shoulder as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t. But I didn’t want to push or, like, make it weird. It’s just… you’re important to me. And Vancouver—it felt important, too.”  

The room felt impossibly quiet. You could hear your own heartbeat, feel the way your hands fidgeted against your lap.  

“Jeremy…” You hesitated, unsure if you were ready to cross that line again—or if you even knew where the line was anymore. “It was important. But I don’t know what it meant. Or what it means now.”  

He nodded, his lips pressing into a thin line. “Yeah. Same here. But maybe we don’t have to figure it all out tonight?”  

There was relief in his words, and you realized it mirrored your own. He wasn’t asking for answers, just honesty.  

You managed a small smile, the tension easing just slightly. “Okay. No overthinking tonight. Just sleep.”  

“Just sleep,” he agreed, though there was a flicker of something unreadable in his eyes.  

This time, when he stood and offered his hand, you took it without hesitation. “Come on,” he said softly, his voice warm and reassuring. “Our room, right?”  

“Yeah,” you said, letting him lead you toward the bedroom. “Our room.” 

The next morning, the light streaming through the curtains was soft and golden, a quiet prelude to the day ahead. The first time you and Jeremy would host a gathering together—officially, as a married couple. You enjoyed that you both celebrated different holidays, and being able to learn so many new things from him. At least hosting people gave you something to do rather than sit there and be alone with your thoughts, which was never a good idea around this time of year. 

The weight of it hit you the moment you opened your eyes. The conversation from last night lingered in your mind, threading through the dreams you couldn’t quite remember. Jeremy’s words, his honesty, had settled somewhere deep, easing some of the tension you hadn’t realized you’d been carrying. Beside you, Jeremy stirred, his arm instinctively reaching out to rest across your waist. His hand brushed against your hip, and when his eyes blinked open, they softened at the sight of you.

“Morning,” he murmured, his voice still heavy with sleep.

“Morning,” you replied, smiling despite yourself.

He tilted his head, studying you for a moment. “You okay?”

You hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah. Just… a lot on my mind.”

“Dinner?” he guessed, his lips curving into a knowing smile. He brought you in closer to him, so that you were backed up against his chest. His bedroom had an amazing view of the Boston skyline, one that you weren’t going to get sick of any time soon. You could lay here with him for hours if you weren’t careful.

“Dinner,” you confirmed, groaning as you sat up. “And everything else. It feels like a lot, you know? Like I have to prove something tonight.”

Jeremy sat up beside you, his hand finding yours. “You don’t have to prove anything,” he said firmly. “This isn’t a test. It’s just us, sharing the holidays with people we care about. No one is going to question anything, especially if Charlie told anyone about seeing us in the hotel—” He gave your hand a small squeeze. “We’re doing this as husband and wife. That’s it.”

You looked at him, his words grounding you. “Husband and wife,” you repeated softly, letting the weight of the phrase settle over you.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice lighter now. “And if we burn the food or run out of booze, they can deal with it. This is about us.”

The day unfolded in a blur of preparations. Between cooking, cleaning, and setting the table, you and Jeremy moved seamlessly together, your usual rhythm punctuated with the occasional shared laugh or playful nudge. You had even managed to send your parents a quick text, saying you would meet them but not until returning from Columbus. You would take your control back, whether they wanted you to or not and they were not going to take your first enjoyable holiday away from you. 

By the time the doorbell rang that evening, the house felt ready—cozy and warm, the soft glow of the tree lights casting a festive charm. Jeremy shot you a grin as he opened the door, greeting the first couple with an easy laugh and a handshake.

As more guests arrived, the house filled with laughter and conversation. You floated through the gathering, keeping drinks filled and plates replenished, but the nerves still lingered beneath the surface. It wasn’t until Jeremy called for everyone’s attention that you realized how much he’d noticed.

“Alright,” he said, standing in the middle of the living room with his glass raised. “Before we get too deep into the night, I just want to say something.”

You froze, heat rushing to your cheeks.

“This is our first time hosting as a couple—officially,” he said, glancing at you with a soft smile. “And yeah, it’s a little nerve-wracking, but I’ve got to give credit where it’s due.”

He turned fully to you, his voice steady and sure. “She’s made this place feel like home. She’s part of me now—not just because she’s my wife, but because of who she is. I believe in her so much, and I hope she starts to believe in herself too. To Y/N!”

A ripple of agreement passed through the room, accompanied by warm smiles and clinking glasses. You felt the burn of unshed tears and shot him a look that was equal parts gratitude and exasperation.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you murmured when he crossed the room to stand beside you.

“Yeah, I did,” he said, his voice low. “Because it’s true.”

The rest of the evening unfolded in a swirl of warmth and joy, the kind that only comes from good company and the holiday season. Everyone filled the house with stories, laughter, and the occasional teasing remark that had everyone grinning. At first, you focused on the tasks at hand—making sure plates were full, drinks were topped off—but slowly, you began to relax, letting yourself enjoy the night as much as everyone else. Hockey didn’t make for the easiest holiday season, and not everyone was able to travel home or have their families come to them. You were happy to be the place that others were able to come to, and feel like they had a home as well. 

Jeremy was everywhere, effortlessly hosting with a mix of charm and warmth that made everyone feel welcome. He seemed to be so good at it, blending in with groups of people but then being able to cozy up in the corner with you unnoticed and make you feel comfortable. You should have known he would be right and everything would end up being fine. The world didn’t always end in disaster, at least not when he was around. 

After dinner, the group gathered in the common areas and the twinkle lights you had stolen from your apartment living room bathing the room in a low light that felt comforting to you. Someone suggested a game, and before long, the competition was in full swing. You would think that maybe a game would help them be a little more relaxed, but then again competitiveness between friends only increased when they were off the ice you had learned. Shouts of victory and exaggerated groans filled the air as Emily viciously defended her argument of the definition of the color turquoise in hues and cues. Apparently the lighting in the room needed to be adjusted for proper play.

During a quieter moment, Emily sat down beside you, nudging your arm. “You’ve outdone yourself tonight,” she said with a grin.

“Thanks,” you said, though a small part of you still wasn’t sure.

“No, really,” she pressed. “You’ve got this knack for making people feel comfortable, and tonight? You’ve made it feel like home for all of us. Who knew falling on a treadmill would get you exactly where you needed to be?”

Her words stayed with you, lingering even as the evening began to wind down and guests started trickling out. You stood beside Jeremy at the door, exchanging hugs and warm holiday wishes. With each departing guest, your nerves faded a little more, replaced by a growing sense of pride. When the last couple left, the house fell into a calm quiet. You leaned against the door, letting out a long breath.

Jeremy turned to you, his face soft with a mix of pride and affection. “You were incredible tonight,” he said, his voice warm.

You gave a small laugh, shaking your head. “We were incredible tonight.”

He stepped closer, his hands finding your waist. “Sure, we were a great team. But you made it something special. You brought everything together—you made it feel like us.”

His words hit you square in the chest, their sincerity impossible to ignore.

“Thank you,” you murmured, your voice quieter now. “For saying that. For believing in me.”

Jeremy leaned in, brushing a kiss against your forehead. “Always,” he said softly. “You’re my wife, Y/N. Believing in you? That’s just part of the deal.”

“Say that again.”

“What?”

“The second part.”

“My wife?” His mouth curved up on one side, catching on to your question.

“Mhmmm..” You leaned into his embrace, enjoying the space you had newly created. Tomorrow you’d host Jeremy’s family and that would be a whole different rollercoaster, but for now you just had this, and you wanted to enjoy it. His words carried a weight that felt steady and grounding, settling into the spaces you hadn’t realized were still raw.

For the first time in a long while, you didn’t just hear the words—you felt them. And as you stood there in the glow of the twinkle lights, arms wrapped around each other, you realized that tonight wasn’t just a successful dinner. It was proof that you were starting to believe in yourself, too.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Swaymas Masterpost

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

at first i was like, "obviously i'm going to ask for jane eyre" but then i saw CELINE which means you're writing before trilogy fic???? let's go with that one!

I am so embarrassed that I would even dare to write fic for something so good, but the feelings overwhelmed me and I had like one day where I aggressively daydreamed making a fic happen! Now I'm more back to my senses and deprived of my motivation.

The premise of this was gonna be a post-Before Midnight fic where Jesse and Celine decide to spend some time apart not talking to test if they still want to keep being together, and then they miss each other a lot and have so much to say once they're back together again, because I'm a sap.

Below, my "one sentence" excerpt. 🤦‍♀️

*******

At first, Celine suggests six months. 

“What? It’s poetic, isn’t it, Mr. Writer?”

“Six months. Half a year.” He stares at her, disbelieving.

“Why not? How much do we usually talk in six months anyway, in between all the work and the girls stuff and the general tedium? We go ‘oh, hey,’ ‘oh, hey,’ ‘you look like someone I used to have sex with,’ ‘wow, you too!’, and then we dissociate in front of the TV. We might as well be in separate comas.”

“You’re fun lately.”

“Fuck you.”

“No, I mean it. This whole wrathful traipsing-towards-menopause energy is really working for you. For me, too. Every day’s a new adventure.”

“You know what? Let’s make it a year.”

“Six weeks,” he counters.

She hadn’t really expected him to play. She tries to look game. “Six weeks, hm?”

“I’ll go be with Hank, try to make nice with his mom, work on the book while he’s at school. You can do the normal life thing here with Nina and Ella. Since, y’know, you don’t need me anyway.”

“I don’t need you,” she agrees, with an aloof little shrug, “but, you know, it’s nice to have you around sometimes. You’re convenient.”

“Tough. You’re out of luck, sister.” He leans over to kiss the side of her mouth, sloppy and charming like a dog.