#about it. So give people some grace in that regard. Not everyone will have perfect responses 24/7.

[winterrrnight]

red carpets without you

PAIRING: drew starkey x gn!reader

SUMMARY: you and drew have been dating for quite some time now, but have not brought your relationship for the public to see yet. Drew has the outer banks season 3 premiere to attend, so he goes without you. He misses you a lot at the premiere, but is completely satisfied with everything when he comes back home and gets to sleep in your arms.

WARNINGS: small mentions of cyber bullying and anxiety

EDITH SPEAKS: one of the biggest things I want to bring light on is how fans at times make their faves relationships uncomfortable. Please don't interfere with their personal lives, it's no matter to you. It's their life and they choose how to live it, and if they wish to be public about it or not. Please don't make their partners feel unloved and unwanted, the world is already a very harsh place, and that doesn't make it any better. Don't make assumptions on their relationships without any proper proof. Spread love and only love 💌🌷

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It is the evening of the Outer Banks season 3 premiere, and your boyfriend Drew is definitely going to be one of the main attractions of the event. He has been gone since early afternoon to prepare for the premiere and get ready, and you have been with him long enough to know that premieres can take a lot of time and he will be coming extremely late at night.

You and Drew have been reluctant to publicise your relationship. The thought of being recognised scares you, and even though Drew does have many supportive fans who will love you, the haters are always present around. You're afraid they will get to your head and make you believe made up stories about your relationship, ruining everything you have with Drew.

Today was one of the moments where you actually wished you could've gone with him. You absolutely adore the entire Outer Banks cast, and it would be nothing short of a spectacular night with them. Sometimes you do like to fantasize about you and Drew being public, you're in the most beautiful outfit and both of you are walking down the red carpet together, your hands intertwined. But you are quick to come back to reality when your mind shows you a scenario of you finding horrifying comments regarding you on a picture of you both, saying how you aren't the one for him and he's better off with someone else.

You remind yourself that the best place you can be at the moment is actually where you are right now: your couch, with a massive bowl of popcorn with you as you start watching the live stream of the premiere. You see all of the cast members walk in, looking beautiful as ever. You watch their interviews with utter love. They really are some of the best people.

Suddenly the cameras are directed towards Drew. He's wearing a dark blue suit, and you can't help but gape at how gorgeous he looks in that color. The fit of the suit is just perfect and he's getting his pictures clicked, his grace coming so effortlessly.

As Drew walks ahead on the carpet he's stopped by an interviewer. "Hello Drew, how are you feeling today?" The interviewer asks him.

"I'm good, super excited for everyone to see season 3," he says in the mic, smiling.

"What is Rafe like in the season? What will we get to see of him?"

"My lips are sealed for any information," he chuckles, "but he has done some... things." The interviewer laughs at his reply.

"Well Drew, is there anything you would like to say to your loved ones and your fans?"

"Thank you for all your constant support," he says, a big smile now on his face. "It makes me so happy to think how much everyone has been loving the show. Nothing is more fulfilling than watching your own hard work reaping you the big results."

At that moment, the interviewer ends his small talk with Drew and he walks on ahead on the carpet. The Twinkie is on the red carpet and watching Drew pose with it makes you giggle, as he goes inside it and looks out the window and gives a cheeky smile. The livestream goes on to show the interactions of the rest of the cast members with the interviewers and among themselves.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

You suddenly wake up from your nap on your couch which you hadn't realised you had started taking. It takes a few seconds for you to realise what's happening; the popcorn bowl is now empty and is lying on your carpet upturned, and the live stream has ended. You check the time on your phone to see it's nearing 1.30 am at night. You had initially thought of staying up until Drew comes home, but your sleepy mind has different plans for you. Giving in, you decide to head in to your bedroom to go to sleep.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

The gentle sounds of shoes being placed on the ground and the rustle of clothes wakes you up from your sleep. You open your eyes groggily and turn around in bed to see Drew's back towards you, as he is getting into comfortable clothes for the night.

"Hey bubs, you're home?" You ask gently. Drew turns around and you can visibly see the tiredness in his eyes.

"Oh, love, yeah I just came home," He walks up to you and bends down at your level. "I didn't expect you to wake up. Go back to sleep," he says, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

"No it's okay, how was it?" You ask, your eyes not fully open from the heavy sleep lying on them.

"It was really amazing. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow okay?" He gets up from the floor and disappears in the washroom. After a few minutes he comes back out, and lies in the bed next to you.

You wrap your arms around his neck and gently pull his head onto your chest. He wraps his arms around your waist, and you start to play with his hair with sleepy motions of your hands, as you both drift off to sleep.

Drew had missed you a lot on the premiere - a lot more than he thought he would. There were so many moments where he wished he was answering the interviewer's question with you on his side. Your presence calms his nerves down whenever he feels a bit anxious, and such massive premieres, especially for a show as famous as Outer Banks, tend to make him slightly nervous.

But he knows you both aren't ready to come out to the whole world. Not yet. The world can be harsh, and even the strongest soldiers fall on their faces from its adversities. What you have is something made for just the two of you, and even though at times it feels like it shouldn't be this way, you know that this is actually the best you can have. And you are completely satisfied with it.

Why wouldn't you be? Drew is yours, and you are his. And that's all that matters.

[em-dash-press]

How to Write Strong Female Characters

Even if you write female protagonists all the time, subconscious biases can make them weaker than we intend. How can you make sure you write strong female characters? Use these tips while cretating your protagonists and supporting cast members so readers admire and connect with your story.

Note: This article is about writing cisgender characters and the stereotypes regarding them. To read more about writing incredible trans women characters, this post and this article are some great jumping-off points. A future post from me about writing trans protagonists will give the subject the space and time trans characters deserve.

1. Write Human Flaws

Women are often written as perfect or near-perfect characters. People expect so much of women in the real world—we want them to be attentive, fun mothers while being sexy spouses and respectful daughters. They have to succeed in their careers to provide for themselves and their family, all while fitting within the feminized constructs that make toxic male egos feel safe around women.

Basically, it can make writers create essentially perfect female protagonists. They handle everything well and when they can’t, they always find an answer to their problem.

Readers will connect more with female protagonists who are flawed. Your female protagonist should get angry, say the wrong things, make bad choices, and put herself first sometimes.

2. Avoid Objectification

Objectification is anything that makes a person feel less than fully human. It’s the scenes we’ve all read and movies we’ve watched where the female protagonist does something incredible—they save the world or take down a supervillain—and their partner, stunned in a love haze, says, “God, you’re beautiful,” before they kiss.

Complimenting female characters like this after they reach their resolution belittles their achievements. It means that even with their brilliance and courage, they’re still acceptable because they’re beautiful. Their beauty is ultimately the most important thing about her and the best way to remind her of her worth.

Other forms of objectification can sneak past a writer’s mind. Watch for these stereotypes as you work through your initial draft:

Describing her body parts as she gazes in the mirror

Saying she’s “different,” “odd,” or “unique” because she does a stereotypically male hobby or wears clothes that aren’t feminizing

Mentioning body parts in comparison to food

Making female characters manipulative for the sake of tricking people and not for any character growth goal/antagonist priority

Creating moments of immaturity that are seen as sexy (like whining being cute or pouting being hot)

3. Assign Individual Goals

Women are often written as self-sacrificing characters. They give up their time and energy for other characters because it’s what people expect of women in real life. Strong female protagonists need goals for themselves. If they don’t have an individual dream that makes them fulfilled or excited, they’ll swim through your plot exclusively for other characters’ arcs.

4. Watch for Female Cliches

Female characters often fit into specific cliches that are easily digestible for readers with conscious or subconscious sexist views. See if your characters fit into some of these common cliches to add the right flaws or arcs to make them fully human:

A symbol of purity: this protagonist never makes mistakes, is always sweet, and doesn’t have any sexual desires.

Femme fatale: this protagonist fills every room with sexual energy, only wears revealing clothes, and kicks ass with unearthly sexy grace.

A heartless bitch: this protagonist is always miserable for other characters to be around for no explainable reason, snaps at everyone, and basically takes on the role of a gradeschool bully at any age.

A pixie dream girl: this protagonist has no goals or arc of her own, exists to inspire other (mostly male) characters, and functions primarily as a plot device.

A Mary Sue: this protagonist can do nothing wrong and solves problems that she’s unqualified to do (minor example: Anastasia Steele in 50 Shades of Grey running a publishing business fresh out of college, where she didn’t study as a business major).

-----

Writing great female characters isn’t impossible. You only have to be aware of how those characters have been written poorly in the past. Watch for cliches and learn about examples of characters gone wrong to make your protagonists feel authentic, no matter what your plot has in store for them.

[tellmegoodbye]

Tag Game: Endings

Thank you @lonestar-s5countdown as always for the questions. I've had fun doing these!

Most of these got pretty rambly, so sorry about that! I just have a lot of feelings about this show.

---

(1) Which 911 Lone Star season finale is your favorite?

It's gotta be 4x18! I loved how the journeys these characters were going through all accumulate in the overarching theme of choosing love even when you're in pain.

TK and Carlos chose to have their wedding in spite of the grief and the pain of unanswered questions. Judd chose to take care of Wyatt and refused to give up hope, but he also listened to his needs after he pushed him too hard. Tommy and Trevor chose to love each other in spite of the gossipers, and during the wedding Tommy reveals that she isnt opposed to getting married again. She's choosing to let herself feel that happiness again when she finds that Trevor is someone she would want to have that with. Robert chose to give his family some peace instead of letting them watch as he continued to get sicker. He's giving his family the gift of life by ending his own, and Owen chose to be there for him even though he would have to watch his brother die for a second time. He chose to make sure he wouldnt be alone even though there could be consequences and even though his family would probably feel hurt and betrayed if they found out.

These are all situations in which they have to make tough decisions and come to an understanding about all of the complex feelings that they have. There's happiness, and there's sadness. There's pain, and there's joy. And at the end of the day, that's what life is. I think the season 4 finale was both a beautiful insight into the headspace of each character in regards to their pain, but overall it is a reminder of what it means to live.

(2) What was your favorite moment from the season 4 finale?

The wedding! That's probably the obvious answer, so I'm going to get more specific and say that I loved the final scene with the montage overlayed with Tommy singing Being Alive. A perfect song choice in regards to the theme I discussed in the last question.

This scene gives us a brief look into all of the different stages of grief, pain, and healing each character is in. We see joy from Tarlos on their honeymoon. We see hope from Grace, Judd and Wyatt as he begins to make some progress with his mobility. We see a sort of acceptance from Owen and Robert, as well as the begginings of grief for Owen when they prepare for Robert to end his own life. I particularly loved how the scene ended with the song coming to a close and we watch as Owen struggles to process the fact that Robert is dead, until he eventually finds the strength to call 911. That was a really memorable and haunting moment for me.

They're all struggling with unique problems and dealing with their pain in their own ways, but that's proof that they are still living.

(3) Are there any storylines that you would like to see brought back for a more satisfying conclusion?

Not necessarily a specific storyline, but I would love to see how Nancy handles a leadership role now and how she's grown since the DNI incident. I would also like to explore her backstory more and her relationship with Mateo.

(4) Pick one character and tell us where you hope to see them at the end of season 5.

For Owen, I would really like to see him coming back to his roots. In season 4 he was lost. He expressed feelings of loneliness in the wake of TK getting married and "not needing" him. I want to see him rediscover his worth. Whether it be helping his family in TK and Carlos, or helping everyone else. From all of the intense distasters and emergencies they will face, to the dilemmas Owen will have to resolve when it comes to losing Judd and Tommy temporarily, and having to make a decision between Paul and Marjan. Owen will fall back into that leadership role and find that he still has a lot to give to people and a lot of people who still care about him and rely on him. I also want to see him come to a place of forgiveness in himself in regards to Robert. He's made a lot of progress with the guilt he feels towards everything else that has happened in his life, but Owen truly feels most at peace when he's helping people and he's going to have to learn how to find peace in not being able to fix everything, even if he did the best he could.

(5) What is one thing you really want to see before the show ends?

A Carlos dedicated episode! He's definitely due for one and I can feel it in my bones that s5 will give that to us in some fashion.

@strandnreyes @lemonlyman-dotcom @heartstringsduet @bonheur-cafe @herefortarlos

@literateowl @carlos-tk @paperstorm @guardian-angle22 @lightningboltreader

@ironheartwriter @emsprovisions @sapphic--kiwi @welcomehometk @corsage

@nancys-braids @captain-gillian @alrightbuckaroo @theghostofashton @thisbuildinghasfeelings

@carlos-in-glasses @freneticfloetry @reyesstrand @butchreyes @firstprince-history-huh

+ open tag

[heartbreakprincewille]

Heteronormativity and So-Called "One-Time" Nature Of Queer Relationships

So the Supreme Court of India is conducting proceedings in response to petitions regarding legalising same-sex marriages in India. Debates are going on, some arguments from the opposition make my blood boil, some just make me plain sad.

But today I read an article about the ongoing case and how they potentially have to change the defintion of marriage in Indian law to pass this bill. The Chief Justice said that, "By legalising same-sex relationships, we have also enforced this implication that these relationships are to be treated with grace and respect, something which can last long-term, not something which is 'one-time' or won't last long unlike traditional marriages between a man and a woman".

And let me tell you, I LOVE reading unique case laws like this, they bring an exception to the ordinary by giving an interesting insight about human nature, about societal tendencies which we ALL have, but we fail to or don't bother to pinpoint them until they become the cause of some injustice at some point.

And I can't help but think about YR and how this tendency of seeing "same-sex relationships as a 'phase' or something that won't last forever" is so apparent in most societies, regardless of their socio-political atmosphere.

Like take August and Felice for example. It was a disastrous relationship from the start, but even the short time they were a "thing", everyone around them saw them as this "perfect couple who will date for years and years and get married one day" (except Maddie because she's a queen and always right). August especially internalised this feeling. Even with Sara, him making jokes about him being "the king" and Sara will be "the queen", like he was already so sure about the longevity of his relationship with Sara. There was this security in his mind, a possibility of a future with someone he loved.

But with Wilhelm and Simon, that feeling of "security" was very scarce for them, because circumstances always tried to rip them apart. Partly because of Wilhelm's title, but also because nobody(except a few people) saw their relationship as something past a hookup.

Like, it's kind of understandable because the Hillerska students never saw their tender moments like the audience did, but it's actually baffling to me that for a school whose social circles EAT gossip up, nobody assumed that they were in a relationship or atleast had FEELINGS for each other rather than being just a "one-time" thing.

Even Nils and Stella, aka queer people themselves have this thinking deep-rooted in their brains to an extent. Nils sees same-sex relationships as just "hookups at Verbier" and something to be kept "discreet". I don't think he sees the longevity in any relationship he would potentially pursue with a guy in the future(unless he does, then good for him). Stella also saw a potential relationship with Frederika as something doomed from the start. Which, again, losing your best friend to a break-up is a valid fear, but it also kinda explains Stella's fear of not trying at all. She doesn't see a future with Frederika regardless of how much she loves her.

I can bet that the Royal Court was clutching their every goddamn penny in the hopes that Wilhelm and Simon would be a "one-time" thing, that Wilhelm will "change his mind soon". They were never given a chance to think about a future, and it makes me so sad.

I hope this approach towards queer relationships changes gradually, and people can finally see that queer people can have as fulfilling relationships as straight people do. You need love to sustain a future, not a checklist of "socially-acceptable relationships".

[summitclan-chronicles]

Applications are Closed!

Holy cow, we finally made it - and what a grand venture this has been! So many new faces, so many new friends, so many questions and answers! I've learned so much about the people that have come here, even before anyone hops onboard the server!

I'm so thankful for the kindness, grace, curiosity, interest and patience you have all granted me. I have wanted to make this roleplay since I was very much a child too young to be on the internet, and to see that it might actually be something - even significant, at that? - it blows my mind without hesitation.

And just the same, I am thankful for everyone that faced the bravery of coming off anon and talking to me in asks and replies! I'm so glad to have some familiar faces in my feed so early - and I'm sure others have come to recognize and respect you too!

Now, with the soft gushy stuff over, I have 3 gifts to present to you!

i. Application Replies!

Some were multiple choice, so I gathered those together to put in review:

The arcs question made me & fiancee smile, because it stayed pretty consistent, with the most people having read TPB and the fewest having read ASC. On the contrary, I was not expecting so many people to have been rping in the kitty scene for over 10 years! I was also surprised at how many inexperienced people we got - and how filled out the middle was! I'm entertained by the near perfect split on wanting staff roles, & how few people chose Leader on the rank question.

Most importantly, I want to point out the question regarding being placed on a list for future loners and kittens. 98.4% is roughly 59 people, dude! We're going to have a robust list of people waiting for such openings, so I won't have to worry about inadequate responses just yet - much to my relief!

ii. A sneak-peak at our server setup!

I won't be giving out any more than this!

III. A Summitclan Playlist!

To get ourselves in the Summitclan spirit, I put together a little playlist! I'll be making a much longer one at a later date - but this works great for writing up a post or brainstorming characters!

The songs are ordered to flow nicely into one another, but they sound great shuffled too!

In conclusion...

🎄🕎🕯🕊 HAPPY HOLIDAYS🌹🌽✡️🎁

Get on your best jammies, snuggle up into something warm and put on your favorite music... spend time with the people you love & the things you love to do. Remember all this past year has brought to you, and know the good you've put into the world will return twicefold to you. Be it snowing, sleeting, raining or sunny where you are - be it arctic or balmy - you are here, alive and loved very deeply. You are someone to be celebrated, and you make people proud each and every day to be your friend.

Admin Jingo may be a bit absent due to family shenanigans, but feel free to send asks or reply to posts!

I love you all very much! As a reminder before I go...

Make sure your main Discord is accepting Friend Requests and DMs by December 29th (Friday).

If you get a friend request from someone named "Jingo-tastic", that's me!

Once the link has been sent to you, you'll have 1 week to heed it. If 3 days pass without a reply, I'll send a bump msg to your secondary!

You will be given access to the Summitclan Lore on January 1st, 2024 at midnight EST.

Roleplaying begins on January 8th.

Character creation/editing ends on January 15th.

Now that the grand opening has closed, the only way to join SCC is by way of newborn kittens or loners coming in from outside.

And one more time:

Thank you! ☃️

[hualian4545]

I am getting sick and tired of people saying that hua cheng is not his own person.I agree that we don't his backstory but we need to imagine ourself in small HC shoes to really understand him.People also say that he hates everyone except for xie lian but that’s not true.the story is based around god’s and ghost’s and he literally grew up hearing that he was worth less than them.And maybe he believed it but when he saw how they all ignored their prayers and xie lian was punished for desending to help, he solidified the opinion that literally all the other gods have no regards for the mortal people and xie lian is the only one who cares and thus the only god and the good person in his eyes.

Regarding the way he speaks to everyone,he rightfully believes that the other gods are lower than scum because of the way they treat the mortals and forget their mortal problems behind ones they asecend.(none of them actually give a crap with the exception of wind master ,xie lian ).so yeah he treats them like crap because he thinks they are crap

As show by the incident of e Ming being forged we see that he is a good person with morals(however less they may be ) and people saying his moral compass is their because of xie lian is really frustrating to me because in the kiln,he did not have to save those humans.He was desperate and his life was in danger but he still saved them because he is a good person.also if he did not xie lian would not have known

Now this is where the problem lies.people think that he’s a horrible person because of the way he treats the gods and ghosts but in the case of gods (refer to second para).in the case of ghosts,I think he knows that they will literally gamble their life away for material possessions and sometimes even their family members.I think because of this the he thinks that they are truly trash.his old way of speaking suddenly comes to life when he speaks to the ghosts

Spoiler ( a small one , will not spoil the story )

When I compared the Young mortal hua cheng and he way he spoke to people he used a lot of words like

“Beat it” or “Scram”

I think being in the company of ghosts just. Triggers that natural response for hua cheng.

As for not treating other people well ,he stepped in when qi Rong harassed guzi. He also was nice to him and even usined one of his own butterfly to entertain/play with him.

So in conclusion,he is neutral to mortals and mocks gods and is not a bad person.

He was nice to guzi but mean to the adults.

We should not forget that half of the people that abused him were mortal adults.

I think his mother played a huge role in letting him know what true love feels like.In the mxtx postscript it is mentioned that his mother taught him a song in a foreign language for his beloved and also, he also honours her heritage everyday with the clothes and jewellery he wears.

So in conclusion he has always always been surrounded by horrible humans and the only one that showed and kindness was xie lian. So that he believes that only xie lian is the only good person in this world makes sense.when you grow up with the lowest of humanity you think the lowest of humanity.when you are given a saving grace ,you believe in that person.

Also hua cheng has the purest form of love ever known. He respects xie lian.He is kind, gentle, funny, supportive and he firmly believed in xie lian when no one else would. Also he actually considers the words spoken by people and it’s credibility and only them forms an opinion about them.

Also people are irritated that he is literally perfect but did we all not read the suffering he went through to become this person? He still has flaws and they are shown in the revised edition and in the old edition too.

To him xie lian is the sun and he is the worthless, ugly child who was unable to protect his beloved from harm.

Kind of funny because xie lian literally almost released a virus ,killed many people and did some very questionable things.

While hua cheng helped more people than he ever did.He shielded a ghost for killing her serial rapist,sheltered a pig for killing its slaughters etc.

Also according to mxtx hua cheng was made first,so xie lian was made for him.Her exact words were”He would surely be someone Hua Cheng would love”

Also hua cheng is a strong ,independent man who does not let anyone tell him what to do.He even has yin yu(he just knows a suspicious amount of information about xie lian that you cannot get from old historical books) and black water(he babysits his fish).

EDIT:season 2 released and I think he actually enjoys the ghosts company and likes them.you just have to see how he speak to them.

[hello-nichya-here]

Do you think Michael ever hooked up with some of his more famous female friends (Diana Ross, Liz Taylor, Brooke Shields)? Kind of crazy that the accusations made people forget how many women he had been very close with. One day everyone is wondering if he's about marry one of them, the next they're convinced he's gay

Considering Michael himself said that, to him, Diana was a friend, as well as his mother and lover, and that Liz then described her own friendship with him in sort of the same way, one thing we know for sure is that, regardless of what did or did not happen:

Michael clearly had a lot of love for them both, and again, he was very clear on it absolutely having crossed the line from platonic to romantic, at least on his end, but he was just never the type to talk too much about his personal life, and I tend to avoid saying "They totally hooked up" unless he or the woman in question states, very clearly, that it happened.

With Brooke Shields, it was far more clear-cut: they dated. Michael said as much. I know Brooke didn't give a direct answer when asked, only that they both had crushes on each other at some point, but we need to take into account that:

1 - She knew how Michael was. Talking too much about stuff regarding his personal life like that wasn't exactly the way to stay in his good graces.

2 - Brooke had quite a messy life and difficult relationship with the media too - mainly with regards to how over-sexualized she had been from a young age. There was a playboy photoshoot of her when she was TEN YEARS OLD. It's not at all surprising that now that she had any say on what happened in her life, she didn't want to draw too much attention to anything private because the media would take her over-sexualized image as permission to be super invasive

3 - Even without confirming they were more than friends, she was still asked insane shit like "Have you ever seen Michael's dick? What does it look like?" Who could blame her for not wanting to get into the topic of them dating? God knows when he married Lisa Marie the media was two seconds away from demanding a sex-tape as "proof" that their marriage was real, they would have done the same to Brooke.

And here's the thing with the media (and part of the public) being so quick to treat the acusations against Michael as 100% true even with the supposed "evidence" for it literally being laughed out of court MULTIPLE times through the decades: they already thought he was gay.

Michael wasn't really interested in pretending to be something he wasn't, and unlike a lot of famous men, he had more important things to do than to try and hook up with as many hot women as possible and then make sure everybody knew it. Whenever he DID flirt, hook up with, or date someone, he was in no rush to let the world know. Quite the contrary actually, because people would take it as permission to meddle in his life and relationships.

And that immediately made him stand out because HE WAS MICHAEL JACKSON! He was THE guy that could get any woman, famous or not, to throw herself at him. Even his far less famous brothers did it! It was the norm, and because of that, people simply could not accept that he WAS attracted to women - after all, he wasn't treating them like trophies to make other people jealous!

Half the times they only questioned him about the women in his life because they KNEW he wouldn't give a direct answer, both due to a desire for his own privacy and out of respect for them (and, of course, because him being "taken" would ruin the fantasy some fans had of dating him). They only ever asked to use that lack of concrete answer to go "See? Still no girlfriend or wife in sight despite being surround by so many hot, famous women! He MUST be gay!"

Hollywood has sinonymous of scandals, and sometimes full on crimes, for decades now and the media NEEDS that so they can make money. They NEED those mega stars to start out seemingly as perfect and wholesome, only to then be "exposed" as frauds, addicts, cheaters, criminals, whatever. It doesn't even have to be true, it just has to shock.

That's why they were calling him racist for "bleaching his skin" even after he explained that he had vitiligo. That's why they were constantly trying to act like he and his sister Janet were fighting once she became a star. That's why they made up absurd stuff like "Michael Jackson is gonna have a sex-change" out of the blue.

They wanted a scandal that could ruin him, and they finally found something that would do the trick - and then still had to watch him be adored by BILLIONS, even after he was long gone, even after his image had been tarnished.

That's why you still see bullshit stories "exposing" him coming up every few years. It's the media going "YOU CAN'T LIKE HIM ANYMORE, WE REVOKED YOUR PERMISSION TO, REMEMBER?"

[lindszeppelin]

I love how judgemental some people are like so many people smoke (both weed and cigarettes) and drink that does not make them a bad person. He may have said that he was willing to quit but maybe he tried but was not able too it’s easy to judge when you do not know someone. I personally do not smoke anything, but I have friends that smoke weed I could never stop liking them because of that. I understand people not liking these habits or not liking Kaia but some of the words used by the people to describe Austin (drug addiction or that he looks old) like you guys clearly have never met an actual drug addicts bc they do not look like this. Also, I love Callum and Dua even tho it seem an increasing amount of people do not like them together (which I do not get) but they are a new couple so it’s normal that they look so happy with one another (the honeymoon stage as they call it) and they seem to actually like each other.

I just had to say something because some of the anons were talking about Austin like he committed a grave offense or killed someone. Austin is a human being like all of us he just happens to be a movie star.

that is entirely fair, and i do agree that some of the words slung around in regards to austin were harsh. i don't think anybody was correlating him smoking to mean that he's a horrible person, because he's not. i didn't perceive that to be the case. but everyone's perspective is different. he's clearly smoking to ease some stress, and it was admirable that he said a few months ago he had quit. i do believe a lot of it comes from a place of concern for his health and wellbeing at the end of the day. also, drug addicts don't always have to look like ones you see roaming the streets that are deeply engrossed in their addiction, like you were saying. i know people who are addicts and most of the time you would not suspect they were addicts. i think you don't start to see physical effects of addiction until a person has done them frequently and for a very long time, and in a high amount.

but going back to austin here, i have a deep amount of empathy for saying he quit but then clearly going back on it. because there's usually a reason why people relapse back into it. it is not easy, and these drugs that are used as vices for people to cope with their life...they have a hold on you so tight. which is why ive been saying that by him rolling back on his sobriety, it's not hard to tell that he is going through a stressful time.

i think now that the high intensity emotions have ebbed, and everyone has had a chance to see these pics floating around for a long time...they're not fresh, we can always reflect and do better in how we react to something. and we need to give each other grace. i don't think anyone was saying he's a drug addict because that's an insane leap to take from him smoking one blunt. clearly seeing austin smoking was a trigger for a lot of people. and listen, drugs are nothing to mess with. as innocent as cigarettes and weed can be, they are called gateway drugs for a reason. and we all understand the inherent danger in using them. but, do whatever you want with your life. smoke if you want, but understand your limits. be safe. it hits different when you know people in your life that use and you just want the best for austin when you see something like that.

but anyway, i like to give people a chance to have a platform to speak where they otherwise would be outcasted away by the other side. so, was some of the word choice said by some anons not the best? absolutely. we are human and we aren't perfect. so i won't dog on anybody for how they expressed their feelings. we can all certainly be better

[sixthwater]

I mention the decks I use in my readings, but do you really know them? A lot of them have quite the personality, so let me introduce you to them!

The Luminous Spirit by Labyrinthos

My first deck that was gifted to me by some friends. Is quite blunt, so I try to be picky about who I use this for, since it doesn't hold back. If I had to relate it to a character, it's exactly like Edna Mode from The Incredibles. Gives you information you need to hear, not what you want -- what you usually think of when you hear people talking about tarot decks or tarot readings. If you're not sensitive, this deck can be quite funny and honestly it's super loving, it's just kinda....Earthy (virgo/capricorn blunt like)

Tarot of the Divine by Yoshi Yoshitani

Sensitive and dreamy deck. Shies away from the honest truth if I'm being honest. Cards hold traditional meaning, but likes to speak through the fairytales therefore giving more depth to the meanings or straight up changes it. Absolutely loves romantic readings, doesn't care for much else but will still entertain them. Doesn't like low energy anything, will always root for your success.

The Modern Witch Tarot by Lisa Sterle

Unless you have your entire life in check, don't request this. Gossiper and will spill unrelated secrets, need to work with her on that lol. Great for yearly reveals though! Has no ill intent, but will showcase whatever needs attention or is the most prominent energy. Imagine someone reading on you but with like ten Rider-Waite decks.

The Traditional Manga Tarot by Shou Xueting and Riccardo Minetti

Very bright but also relaxed? Just wants you to be happy and cheering you on from the sidelines. Doesn't care for love, but likes reading for career or your strengths. Likes thinking positively and will read for shadow related topics but doesn't like to sit in it for too long. One of my very few neutral/flexible decks

Orien's Animal Tarot by Ambi Sun

My other neutral and relaxed deck. Let's you take the reigns but will put it's foot down when it doesn't like something. Refuses to hand out cards for subjects it doesn't like in regards to the person. So if they shouldn't know, it doesn't necessarily matter, they want to talk about something else, etc. It's a quiet but forceful energy.

Mystic Mondays by Grace Duong

Transform! Grow! Change! It wants the best for you. It's rooting for you, but it knows you can't stay where you are. Another blunt deck, but in a lighter way. Will gently insult you while complimenting you. It's always cheering you on and giving you a pat on the back.

Luna Somnia by ShoresOfMoon

Fire sign in the form of a deck. Very loud and excited. Wants to celebrate all of your achievements and make sure you know you're loved. Gives out compliments easily, but doesn't like repeat questions. You have a two strike system. Although the imagery is repetitive, noticed that everyone tends to resonate or pick up on something with the cards they get. (I have tried to explain that a lot of the cards have the same thing but they are very adamant about it and it's happened far too many times so it must be something)

Moondust Tarot by Terra Soleil

Doesn't like to be bothered much lol. Usually likes to be read for important or intense situations despite being a joyous deck? It's difficult to explain but it can get bored of energy checks or near future -- things like that. Enjoys much more complicated situations where I have like three piles going on or having to piece a bunch of stuff together? Not what I was expecting when it gave off the same energy as Luna Somnia & Mystic Mondays.

The Rider-Waite by Arthur Edward Waite / Pamela Colman Smith

Objective and dare I say emotionless. Will just give you what is happening in a situation, if I need the parties involved I have to break out another deck. Perfect for giving you an outside breakdown of what's goin on, not so great for feelings or emotions? They will tell you how they're doing, but it's not empathetic -- that's usually me putting in the work lol. (Ex; you see someone crying at a table and you know that they dropped a meal they just bought, but you don't know that they've been internalizing stress for the past four days and that was their breaking point),

The Horror Tarot by By Aria Gmitter and Minerva Siegel

Overdramatic. That's it lol. Loves doing shadow work, looking at flaws, the underbelly of the world -- but will exaggerate things a bit. Or a lot. Somewhat childish, and is aware of that.

Tarot Familiars by Lisa Parker

Encourages change. New chapters in life and wants you to take that next jump. It's very quiet and peaceful, not very loud. It's messages are a little difficult to decipher when you first hear them, but they make sense later and you have to come back to them in time. It chooses when to talk in rhymes or when to be direct. However it's always talking about being a better version of yourself, or the you that you need to be in this lifetime.

After Tarot by By Corrine Kenner, Pietro Alligo, Giula Francesca Massaglia

A little goofy and playful. Wants you to enjoy your life, but not throw it away with foolish choices. Be smart, but not have a stick up your ass. Just like how it looks, basically the Rider-Waite but with a bit more personality. It struggles to read the situation objectively cause it wants to have a bit more fun. Can give some specific insight to situations so if I'm called to it, it's for a reason. (Page of Pentacles is presenting or coming up with a business idea, but with this deck, someone else would be working with them or giving them said idea).

Book of Shadows Vol. 2 by Barbara Moore

This has become my personal deck, so I'm trying to see if I want to get a duplicate lmao. All about exploring new opportunities and being my best self. Doesn't like to be bored or be too serious. Wants the best out of life. Always excited. Honestly feels like it gets upset when I'm upset or being too serious/thinking too hard about stuff lol. Very light-hearted and sweet deck, so I want to be able to read for others with it.

Trickster's Journey by Jia Sung

This deck is...highly spiritual? It feels weird to say that. Essentially it stresses the importance of moving away from material/wordly things or ideas and to focus on emotional or spiritual happiness. Which, considering the art and theme of the deck, makes sense.

Romantic Tarot by Lo Scarabeo

LOVES love, not surprising. Doesn't like being serious and basically told me to get that stick out of my ass and fall in love with life. A very sweet and energetic, goofy deck.

Angel Tarot by Travis McHenry

Still don't know why I got this deck. I just really wanted it one day and every time I use it, I vaguely remember what I did, which I really hate!

White Numen Tarot by Alba BG

So comforting. Wants me to slow down and get in touch with myself whenever I use it. Does not let me go fast and, much to it's theme, is very grounded lmao. Really enjoy working with this deck.

Dreaming Way Tarot by Rome Choi

I've always wanted to get this deck due to someone I watched previously using it, but it's just so nice to use? It has an interesting personality and wants to be used in a certain way that I've gotten used to but it's very calm and grounded like the deck before it.

Manga Tarot by Riccardo Minetti

Love this deck, it's so sweet! The deck itself utilizes seasons throughout the deck (it's not pentacles = fall, it changes) which I find really nice for my mecurial self. I like the art and how the pip cards are expressed, especially the court cards.

Halloween Tarot by Kipling West & Karin Lee

I still don't know why I got this :) I was out with my friend for their first deck and it kept getting my attention :)))) but this deck is SO CUTE!!!! I didn't expect it's preferred topics considering it's a 'spooky' deck, but it loves lighthearted topics which I find hilarious. The only negative is that the art doesn't correspond with the cards sometimes? Most of them make sense when you read the guidebook, but the only one I can't get over is the four of pentacles. Doesn't make sense.

The Sacred Web by Jannie Bui Brown

I also don't know why this called out to me either. I knew I needed a deck but I wasn't expecting this one lmao. It's a little intimidating but it also draws me in. It makes me think and it forces me to slow my mind down to process stuff. I wouldn't call it grounding but like...quieting outside noise? Something like that. Interesting deck.

Teeny Tiny Tarot by Holly Oddly

My first mini deck! This was gifted to me, and my only thing is that I have such a thing with the suits being switched up majorly and then having no guide attached to it. Besides that it's really cute, and it's attitude is quite loud for a tiny deck lmao.

The Fablemakers Animated Tarot by Misty Bourne | **Trial Period

A gift for christmas and I almost fucking screamed let's be real. These cards are gorgeous and this is the first deck where an entire suit is my favorite because of how well they were all shown. I am still so nervous to use them which is a very big downside so I'm trying to figure out how to get around that due to them not being compatible with how I shuffle, thus the trial period.

Thera-pets by Kate Allen

Literally the cutest deck I have. Love pulling these for people. Love pulling them every day. Best investment I ever made.

believe in your own magic by amanda lovelace

While it's focused on women, it's inclusive outside of that. It's split into three sections that carry different energies and I have yet to pull certain witch cards, and it's rare that I do actually. It's usually princess or mermaid cards!

The Arcana of Astrology by Claire Goodchild

My favorite astrology oracle deck so far. I know people have other favorites but they...pale in comparison tbh lol. I always use this for nearly every reading, and it's like my personal little companion. Has never failed me. Has signs, planets, houses, and asteroids.

Archetype Cards by Carolyne Myss

I feel like I don't need to introduce this LOL. I mainly use this for personality or relationship breakdown readings

Woodland Wardens by Jessica Roux

Super cute deck. Love that some of the cards mirror tarot as well. This can kind of be used for personality readings, but you have to get creative with them. I use this on and off for check ins.

Claves Astrologicae by Labyrinthos

Gifted to me by an old co-worker. I've started to use this for more personal readings as a back-up, or when I'm on the go. I don't use this as much but I'm a cancer so I can't get rid of it, and the art is really nice so it stays for now.

Seed & Sickle by Fez Inkwright

This was such an annoying deck to get used to LMAO but I use it more comfortably now. You can read them just like tarot, upright or reversed (dawn or dusk), so there's double the amount of cards to remember. It took me a bit of time to get used to it since there's no correlation or base to start with, but now I use it pretty regularly like the wardens. I actually use them together.

The Abandoned Oracle by DeviantMoon

Perfect companion with The Horror Tarot. Much more objective and straight-forward, but the art is able to be less pretty while not being gruesome. Love to use this for shadow work or figuring out what lies underneath.

Astrological Oracle by Lunaea Weatherstone, Antonella Castelli

Yes…another astrology deck. This one seems to be great at picking up actual placements or chart energy most of the time instead of what people exude. I love the art and it’s pretty particular and picky with what cards it wants to give so it can take a minute, like it’s pondering over what to get in a shop

The Language of Flowers by Cheralyn Darcey

Feels weirdly very...stern? Not in a mean or intimidating way but feels serious. I usually joke around or play with my decks and I felt a little uncomfortable doing that with this one. Feels very earthy? Time will tell if it'll let me joke with it once we get used to each other :)

Sea Melodies by Jessica Le

Imagine a Natasha Bedingfield or Ellie Goulding song. There you go. Very sensitive, and I couldn't be sarcastic with it as it immediately told me to be kind. Honestly feels like a big hug and really wants me to, explore the depths of the ocean (get it)

The Citadel by Fez Inkwright

Found a favorite deck maker I guess because I pre-ordered this one lmao. It's really compatible considering I'm a writer and I really love the theme of it. Compared to the Wardens, I got used to this fairly quickly.

Fairies Oracle Deck by Eugene Fletcher & Camelia Pham

LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!! It's energy is so cute and bubbly, it reminds me a lot of the folktale tarot deck I have which makes sense. They're legends and myths. Saving the combination for very uplifting readings, but I always use this whenever I want a smile.

The Sacred Creators Oracle by Chris Anne | **Trial Period

Cute, calm, and simple. Also really easy to shuffle?? There's just a ton of cards to remember and I tend to get confused, but very easy to resonate with, but I worry that maybe it loses personality due to that? It's very cute though, like a wallflower.

The Psychic Tarot Oracle by John Holland

Not much to say here. I enjoy using this as a replacement for tarot sometimes as it opens up alternative routes or it goes more in depth.

Energy Oracle Cards by Sandra Anne Taylor

Love these cards!! Finally was able to get them and they're so beautiful while also opening up the message -- as oracle cards should do (Example, two readings I had messages of 'The Chariot' coming out through all my cards including this deck, and then it happened in another reading with the empress)

Mini Divi - Dreams by Holly Oddly

Got this tiny deck gifted to me as well due to getting messages through my dreams and my friend was aware of that haha.

Loputyn Oracle by Loputyn

SO!!! PRETTY I love this deck. I love how raw it is both in imagery and explanation and I love using it. That's it.

Elle Qui by Arwen Lynch-Poe

Love this deck too. I use it as archetypes a bit more than for advice as it comes out stronger for that than letting people know that they need to embody a certain character trait.

[crystalelemental]

Sync Pair Retrospective - Sygna Suit Morty

About a year ago now, DeNA surprised all of us with a sudden pivot into caring about Golden Week.  I sure didn't expect it.  And I don't think anyone expected what we actually got out of it.  Morty, with a shiny Ho-oh.  I think this was only the second time we got a shiny form of something in the game, barring eggmons, so it was still a pretty fresh concept overall.  And with such an unexpected combination, holding the rank of both PokeFair and Weather Support, reception must have been incredible, right?

Maybe if you don't know shit about the Pokemon Masters fandom.  Supports are always downplayed at first.   Always and forever.  Morty was considered downright bad by some, because he's an awkward defensive support that buffs slowly, and didn't help with offense, which is the only thing that matters, you know?  It's why Aura Cynthia is actually super bad and no one should pull for her over Ash or Red.

Well, like every other time this cycle repeats, it took like two days for the tune to change drastically, as everyone who got him went "Oh wow, this dude's amazing."  Fun fact: I actually held off too.  I forget why, I think it was just low gem count or something, but I doubled back when the Johtrio went well and god what a relief to have pulled him.

Morty pretty immediately solidified himself as one of the best sync pairs in the game.  Like, for context, there were people legitimately arguing that he was better than SS Kris when she dropped.  They're wrong, but they weren't far off. Morty's bulk was nothing short of exceptional, with unbelievably strong defenses for something that didn't need to mega evolve, defense boosting, Potion, and passive healing every action under Sun.  He's one of those units that turns a team functionally immortal.  And despite complaints that he was bad at offense, he did supply crit rate and speed, which is a very nice set of skills to have for strikers.

The tradeoff was having poor performance on his Atk/Sp Atk boosting, getting effectively only +1 on first application of Sun.  He could get a second stack at 3/5 with the right node, but to be honest his grid is so loaded with other, better tools, that you kinda just let his allies be self-sufficient in that regard.

Speaking of grid though, good lord.   It's immaculate.  2/5 is what I've been running, and I legitimately don't think he needs much more.  Sunny Disposition, MPR on trainer move and Sun, Master Healer on Potion.  Sure there's MPR on Potion and the coveted Vigilance, but like.  He's so good, even at this level.

The thing is, I could talk a lot about what Morty's good at, but the bottom line is he was uncontested in his role.  No other support manually sets Sun.  His only competition in this role is base Lyra, whose buffing kit is exceptionally strong on offense, but she lacks the same defensive backbone and drops pretty constantly. If Lyra gets a grid expansion (which, to be clear, she does not need), then Morty might be in trouble.  But PokeFairs are also getting it, and they're getting two, so give it a bit and he'll be right back at the top.  His role as a Sun-setting support is just unquestioned, and supremely valuable.  His particular kit also assists basically everyone.  Blaine, Ethan, Hilda, and Serena need that crit rate, but can boost their offense.  Anni N gets to save a lot of turns boosting.  Later additions like SS May loved that one extra point of crit to cap offenses for her first sync a turn early, and SS Hilda literally needs for nothing but defense and speed.   Everyone was perfect, but few as thankful as SS Red.

SS Red vs. Leon was still somewhat of an ongoing discussion at the time.   Anni N was better than both, but was a Tech, so by Striker discussion, it mattered. SS Red won with SS Morty, because Morty's Sun compression freed up team compositions, and SS Red was offensively self-sufficient, while Leon needed more help.  Lucian was the immediate coup de grace.   Debuffing special defense of opponents is tremendous, when your roster is filled with options like SS Red, Serena, Blarcanine, Anni N, and Leon.  All the big names are special. Sure you double-dip the speed boosting, but since both are relatively slow, it just hasted full access to something like Silver's Inertia.

The other was the combination of SS Morty/SS Lyra.  Grass-types largely run on Sun as well, and Morty is the only option that permits both Sun and Grassy Terrain at the same time.  You want full power SS Erika or SC Sonia?   You're running Morty.  And in both scenarios, he's giving speed, which is the most critical aspect of their kit to bring.  Hysterically, even for options like Mallow, who definitely needs more of the Attack boosting, SS Lyra had him covered.  There were no flaws in this core.

But somehow this was not enough.  Because the universe would bestow another gift upon Morty as Johto's Chosen, in the form of a sync pair scout most reviled. Variety Scouts are a hated thing, but absolutely nothing is funnier than Eevee Lucas.

Remember how I said Morty solidified SS Red as better than Leon?  Yeah, not anymore.   Eevee Lucas bursts in with team special attack buffs, status immunity for the team, special defense debuffs like Lucian at 3/5, and the ability to set Sun every sync, which was all of them since Leon sure wasn't using it unlike Red, who needed to mega evolve.  In this one addition, Leon was back on top, with one of the most insane synergy teams I've ever seen.  Seriously, think about Morty for a second.   Vigilance and Sunny Disposition on grid, Status Immunity thanks to Lucas, and he's still got a lucky skill free.  Morty is the most invulnerable sync pair when it comes to shenanigans.  He is having none of it, and is constantly boosting both bulk and HP with like every action.

However that's not to say that Morty didn't suffer.  As a generalist, his application was defenses and crit. Yes, the speed buffs and healing too, but those were incidental against the backdrop of his core function as an immortal being.  And, well...Aura Cynthia.

When it comes to defensive play, you will never get a bigger stat wall than Aura Cynthia.  I mean.  We will.  Powercreep.  But at present, she's unrivaled.  If you're looking for a general option for survival, immediate max bulk, Double Potion MPR, recovery in multiple ways, access to Gauntlet checking gimmicks like Paralysis and Impervious, and can even buff crit rate, but then also throws in stacks of moves up next and gauge acceleration?  Yeah, outside of his specified niche, Cynthia just won.   Morty could not compete with how defensively unstoppable Cynthia is.   And so, Morty became hard locked into his niche as a Sun setting support, bearing the blessings of Fire and Grass, unopposed.

At this point, I would like to pull back the curtain, and express that I finished this on 4/24/23.  You know.  The day before datamine.  My thinking was man, Morty is in such a specific niche now that there's no way anything happens that actively challenges him.  WHOOPSIE DOODLES

Sygna Suit Acerola with the steel chair.  Having both Grassy Terrain and Sunny Day, Acerola aims to compress both SS Morty and SS Lyra into a single pair. The staggering thing is, she kinda did it.  Acerola offers immediate capped crit for the team, a buddy move that can cap attack for the team, and perhaps most significantly, stacks physical moves up next.  That last component is critical. Acerola supports every physical Fire and especially Grass striker, probably better than Morty himself. Because moves up next is ridiculous.  To make matters worse, because of the compression of this role, she can even bring SC Steven.  Who packs rebuff, SEUN, even more stacks of physical moves up, defense debuffs, attack debuffs for Mallow, and even Restrain effect for Selene, all at the same time, while also having a 3/5 grid node to add flinch.  The combo of SS Acerola and SC Steven is unparalleled for physical damage dealers broadly, let alone under the same field effects as Morty.

Even so, Morty still retains the advantage for specially offensive Fire and Grass types thanks to Eevee Lucas and SS Lyra.  And his sustain game is far, far superior to Acerola's, which has merit.  To say nothing of having MPR on Sunny Day, which Acerola lacks, causing potential problems in Gauntlet.  Morty met his match, but he's not out of a job because of it.  In spite of taking a few big hits from his competition, Morty's still flying high as one of the best supports in the entire game.

[simmetrycal]

good morning ༉‧₊

synopsis:

ash being a man in an unusual but valid sense of the word.

word count: 3k

a/n: enjoy. chapter three of the mystery girl series coming soon, bear with me.

˚ · .

you might expect someone who’s as popular as ash to have a verbosely full phone with tons of messages always flooding through and people constantly hitting up his line. but as truth would have it, ash’s phone was as barren as a wasteland.

granted, his storage was still full on a daily basis. he takes hundreds of photos of rocky, especially when the two go on morning runs or hikes. he’s proud of the way they look; aesthetically outdoorsy and he’s always matching his outfit with a new dog leash or harness. he’s quick to get home and lay on his bed before changing into his work clothes, scrolling and picking out his favorite picture and posting it to his instagram story.

other images in his camera roll include scroll after scroll of memes and dumb tweets, accompanied by 0.5 forehead pictures of his caught-off-gaurd unsuspecting assistant.

ash rolled over on his bed at the country house utterly groggy, struggling to wake up. he slid up his pink nighttime eye mask and rubbed his tired face. rocky was peacefully sleeping on the lower half by his legs, curled up into a big ball.

ash felt around the sea of white duvet covers, looking for his phone to take a picture of rocky. why does everything disappear in this bed? he thinks, realizing he could’ve made a silly joke if he had a late night friend with him. perhaps he’d add “like clothing” with an eyebrow wiggle or maybe a wink.

after several long moments of him searching around, getting more and more frustrated by the second, he found his phone on the floor, face down on the rug. ash grabs it and immediately swipes from right to left to open his camera. but before he could do that, he noticed a single email.

˚ · .

“really? that’s it? how rude.” ash’s mom, grace, says as she sips her london fog, eyes peering to reread the email ash got this morning.

grace loves weekends almost as much as she loves her son. what’s more perfect is that the two often join each other at their usual coffee shop almost every saturday morning. ash had just shown her his unfortunately devastating email from a magazine he attempted to submit a poem to.

Dear Asher,

Thank you so much for submitting your work for consideration. We have decided against publishing your submission, but we wish you the best of luck placing it elsewhere.

Regards.

it stung, he couldn’t lie. he had to force himself to get out of bed and put some clothes on after reading it for the first time, act like he wasn’t upset about getting put down from his new hobby. act like he could stop thinking of it as he drove himself and rock back to their place in the city.

he was supposed to stay out here at the country house for the whole weekend but the septic tank is getting fixed. he’d rather peacefully shit in his apartment than out there.

anyhow, ash has recently taken up poetry. specifically lifestyle poetry.

the problem is, he sucks. he knows it, everyone else knows it, his mom knows it, and apparently so does Ranger Magazine.

“i mean, they could have at least worded it nicer,” he says curtly to his mom as his drink gets brought over. he ordered a caramel vanilla frappuccino like the total sugar boy he is.

he takes a sip and settles a bit better in his chair. happy to have something in his system other than two cherry tomatoes and a cheese stick.

“mm, i agree.” grace says, but thinks for a moment. “though, maybe this is a good thing.”

“are you about to tell me rejection is a blessing?”

grace smiled and seemed to see past her sons annoyance about the situation. “this is a perfect opportunity for you to grow and learn, ash. don’t quit now, keep writing, and you’ll surely improve.”

her words are kind and they touch ash’s heart- but he knows following her advice will be a bit harder than she realizes. ash is quick to give up a hobby he isn’t immediately good at, especially when he’s already naturally talented in many other aspects of life.

though, ash wouldn’t even be picking up a new hobby in the first place if he wasn’t heartbroken and finding new ways to distract himself.

grace doesn’t know this, though. and ash plans to keep it that way. she’s seen him go through quite a few situations where he simply leaves his heart out on a butcher block thinking it’ll be best taken care of there. of course, it’s never the case for him and he’s gotten quite good at picking himself back up. she doesn’t need to know he still has the habit of wearing his heart on his sleeve.

“so much for being celibate”, chantelle’s voice pings around in his mind.

“no worries mom, i’ll keep at it.” ash lies as he starts getting up, pushing in his chair. he knew he had to lie otherwise they’d be there forever, talking about blessings and god and never giving up.

ash wasn’t giving up in the way that others would think. he’s simply focusing his energy elsewhere..

but where is elsewhere? what’s he going to do with the rest of his saturday?

after loving goodbyes with his mom, ash makes his way his audi, folding into it and immediately dialing up his closest buddies to hang out.

his coworker raymond and his seventeen year old half sister eva being his only options at the moment seemed pathetic. he knew for sure raymond would say no to a hang out, but hope still coursed through him when ray accepted the facetime.

ash barely even looked at the screen as he started talking, too focused on pulling out of the annoyingly packed parking lot. this place screams hit and run.

“i’m free all day is what im say-“ ash stops when he looks down at the phone for the first time. raymond is half asleep listening to him and he’s got a certain pink haired goddess leaning on his shoulder. oh.

“is this a bad time..?”

“yeah.”

“nahh,” vanessa says, trying to play innocent but by the way raymond looks, he knows they’re up to no good.

“you know, just because i’m your boss doesn’t mean you’re obligated to pick up.” ash backtracks, nervous about vanessa seeing how lonely ash truly is. he wants outsiders to not see through his facade.

“you literally once told me the exact opposite of that.”

ash rolled his eyes and chuckled. “see ya,” he says before pressing the red button to end it. he was happy at the very least to get to say hi to raymond, even if he was busy for the day.

next, he finds eva’s contact and calls her twice. no pick up. she sleeps until noon on the weekends like a typical teenager. perhaps ash’ll bring her some ice cream later.

“hmm..” he sits in his car at a red light, trying to compartmentalize his messy thoughts. he can’t stop thinking about the premature death of the “situation” he was recently in. but he knew it was normal to be sad, and to want to hang onto it. it was part of the process— he had to let himself linger on the emotions for a few days, accepting thoughts as they come and letting them go.

too many thoughts, though, could lead to him getting overly stressed. so he hits a play button on his steering wheel to continue whatever music was on his phone.

good morning by kanye begins and his body vibrates with the accidental boom of his subwoofers he left turned way up from last night. he quiets them as he cruises, appreciating the sunshine coming up over the horizon.

ash absolutely loves the sun, the heat, the light. it’d been raining for eight days and now with the sun in his presence again, he felt more at peace. happier than his usual amount of happiness.

his big, cute sunglasses hid the way his eyes crinkled with a smile. maybe he would keep up the poetry. maybe he could write about the sun, or his mom, or his feelings. feelings he allowed himself to not fear. or a blend of all three.

˚ · .

later, ash finds himself at a bookstore, perusing the many shelves and tables filled with romance novels with dumb covers.

ash knows he shouldn’t but he does judge actual books by their covers. but hey! it wasn’t his fault that most of them nowadays look like an ugly collage of bright clip art.

and what business did those books have by putting the absolute smuttiest scenes not even halfway through? he rolled his eyes, tired of this trend. but why was he even tired? he thought, it’s not like he’s an avid reader anyway.

maybe he could become one. maybe one of these books will come home with the lucky asher solace and who knows? maybe he might even finish it.

first, he had to pick one out- the hardest part some may say. ash didn’t allow himself to open any of them, he simply let himself judge the cover art of all of them and he chose the least corny one. a photo finish, by elsie silver.

least corny cover didn’t mean least corny story, he found out soon enough. he chose a place by the too hot fireplace to read some to see if he liked it.

a few minutes turned into a fly-by hour all of a sudden and he didn’t even realize until the heat of the fire was practically melting him- urging him to get up and buy the book. he liked it more than he thought he would, loving how stupidly corny it was whilst at the same time, hot and sexy.

ash was so distracted that he ended up accidentally leaving without paying. realizing halfway through his walk in the parking lot before running back to go do that.

he continued his read in his car but it wasn’t the same, his mind couldn’t get quiet again like how it was in the bookstore by the fireplace. the vibe was off and for some reason, all he could think about was this manly urge to build or put something together.

he needed a new shelf anyway for his bearbricks, so he placed his new wonderful book on his passenger seat and opened up the lowes website on his phone.

is an eight dollar shelf suspicious..? it looked great and seemed to be a very sturdy, supportive shelf. but, cmon, only eight?

“maybe that’s actually a great deal. i’m trippin,” he grins as he orders it online, happily paying with his apple id— unaware of the dumbness of this plan.

in mere minutes he found himself standing in the light section at lowe’s waiting for his order to be ready for pickup with a bag of half eaten gummy bears in his hand. he puts one in his mouth after staring at a light bulb for too long, blinking away rapidly and deciding maybe this isn’t the best use of his time.

he wanders around, touching all the carpet samples and finding the softest one, acting like he’s a house renovator.

the display kitchenettes always catch his eye and he excitedly walks up into them, like he always does with room displays. (don’t let this man get lost in an ikea.)

he stuffs his pockets with paint color samples, ugly shades of bright pink and neon green, just because he likes looking at them. right as he collected his next handful, his phone buzzed, alerting him that his order was ready.

ash skipped to the pickup counter, past all the beer belly, blue collar, ford f150 dads looking at him funny.

what he didnt expect was the shelf to be so thin.. like, $8 thin. and there were no brackets to attach them to a wall, so he did another lap around the store to find some.

back at his apartment he changed his outfit. getting out of his usual white button up into a fitted t shirt, some blue carhartt overalls, and a yellow bandana, ready to build his new shelf! he looked like a minion, which made him happy. ash loves minions.

he knocked around the wall aimlessly with the knuckle of his index finger, looking for a “stud”. did he know what a stud was? no. did he know how to find one? also no. he just saw one of his handymen do it in the past.

ash liked to watch them in a way that may have made him seem like he wanted to get some, but he was only curious about what they were doing. he loves when people are doing something— especially for a living and doing something he doesn’t quite understand. so he always observed closely.

maybe not too close it seemed because now as he’s trying to do it himself, he has no clue where to actually start.

“fuck it,” he says as he drills in a screw haphazardly into the wall with no rhyme or reason. the screw gun wiggles out of his hand from the force and whirs and spins around on the screw at the speed of light. ash couldn’t help but to laugh even when it flew off and went airborne, landing on his warhol bearbrick. he only quit laughing when it made it topple over and the head came off with a big thump and crack. it slid across the hardwood a few feet away.

he stood there for probably a whole minute just staring at what a complete mess he’s made of his apartment living room. there are screws and tools all over his table, the shelf is about to be lopsided on the wall, his favorite bearbrick is broken, and he’s wearing a ridiculous outfit.

he doesn’t realize he’s crying until he feels a hot tear rolls down his cheek. how come he was just laughing, but now he’s sad again?

ash rips off his bandana and storms into his room, falling on his bed. he just wants the day to be over already.

he lets the tears flow freely, and his brain cruelly reminds him of all the other things he could be crying about.

he sobs harder as he unwillingly remembers all his rejections this week. the people who’ve recently walked out of his life, how he will always let them because there’s no point in begging, how the magazine didn’t like his poem, shitty as it may have been. how he couldn’t hang out with raymond and the looming known fact that he thinks they’re better friends than they really are.

ash lays there. letting his thoughts come, and excusing them to leave. his chest, once heaving with the sobs, has now settled as he calms down. the tears made his ears wet and some bits of his hair. it stuck onto his face and he rubbed his eyes, sipping in a tense but needed deep breath.

rationale began to come back with each breath he took. he couldn’t get so caught up in what isn’t working out for him. rather, he should focus on how incredible he actually is. even if it’s hard to see sometimes.

˚ · .

no matter what, always, without fail, an activity that makes ash feel better is yoga. especially guided yoga with a group.

he typically does it alone at home or at the gym, following along with his self appointed instructor charlie follows on youtube. letting her guide the 30 to 60 minute session through his headphones. he finds her voice more calming than any other instructor, but here, in the park where he currently is, he finds that this one is alright too.

she must be in her thirties, ash thinks. her face is covered in freckles and the rest of her seems to be the same. though he can’t tell very well with her being so far away.

he wishes she wore a microphone or something because each of her instructions felt like they were getting to his ears seconds after everyone moved. he was the only man there. in fact, he was the only one with a pink mat as well.

it wasn’t entirely flat on the ground as they were outdoors in a lovely park surrounded by evergreens. a river was nearby and some speedboats would go by obnoxiously, taking him out of his zen at times.

the grass was such a vibrant dark shade of green and it made him happier than he realized. ash appreciates good grass.

“now bring your belly down slowly, lowering into chaturanga, then coming up for cobra.” the instructor says, walking around gingerly on quiet feet to get around to every person in the park participating with her. she comes up by ash and softly tells him good job.

his heart melts. he feels giddy and proud of himself, confident that she sees how good at yoga ash has made himself.

when he first started, it was awful. he couldn’t turn his brain off, his hands always sweat, and he wobbled a lot. fell a lot. laid there a lot.

nowadays he doesn’t feel sweaty. he feels at peace. he found balance and stability with his body and he’s able to do more than he ever thought he could, especially as a 6’2 man.

the other ladies in the park look him, they watch him in warrior one or low lunge, noticing his soft skin and his muscles. his little pigtails he does with his hair. his powder pink lululemon mat and matching waterbottle.

he gets the same reaction from the ladies in his pilates class. but they’ve all since become his friend.

the yoga instructor speaks again as she directs them into savasana. “i’d like you now to think of your intentions for how you’d like to feel in this moment. or feel all throughout this evening.” her voice is calm, lulling ash into a meditative state. the sun has disappeared behind the trees, giving the park a much needed, relaxing coolness.

he thinks of his intention.

he has the intention of feeling.. good. the intention of leaving things just the way they are. not bothering to force things that don’t fit. not worrying about rejections. not caring about anything, at least, in this moment.

he also had the intention to write one last poem.

ash slept good that night, even though the state of his apartment’s living room could be considered a hazard.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

this is entirely based off my own weekend. bye, thank you for reading. i’ll be back soon w chap 3.

[scxrlettwxtches]

a crown of thorns | hwang hyunjin

genre: royal au, fluff/angst, fem!reader

warnings: pregnancy, slight violence

description: a few years have passed since your tumultuous beginnings with the enemy king, hwang hyunjin, and to everyone’s astonishment, your marriage flourished with an abundance of love. however, this was not yet a happy ever after, and danger still lurks within every corner of your peaceful kingdom.

word count: 14.0k+

a/n: ack the more i read this, the worse it seems to get haha. but guys!! this is my last fic on this blog!! thank you again for all the love you’ve shown me and my writing. <3 wishing everyone all the best!! 

As he sat on his throne, absently chatting away with foreign envoys, Hwang Hyunjin considered himself rather lucky for a multitude of reasons.

All the princes and the lords sitting around the table, enjoying the tea and pastries, had everything one could want in the world. Endless fountains of wealth, resources, luxury. Whatever they desired, they only needed to snap their fingers, and someone would provide. It was the type of life many in his kingdom could only dream about in their wildest fantasies.

But, underneath the splendor, Hyunjin could see it as bright as day. Beneath the material luxury was discontentment, unease, unhappiness. Many of them were married to people that they did not love, were tied to their own wealth as it was the only sense of stability in their lives. And above all, Hyunjin could sense their loneliness, the invisible--yet deadly--disease that latched onto the heart and knawed at it until it was nothing but a shriveled remain. It was a poison that had no identifiable cure, and its affects only magnified as time went on.

Hyunjin could see it all because, once upon a time, he was just like them. Sitting on the throne, he was merely staring at reflections of his past self, a shell of a boy that was forced into a position of power too soon with too few people he could trust. He saw himself in the young lord that was visiting from across the sea, his eyes alight with ambition and a thirst to prove himself. He saw himself in the crown prince of the neighboring kingdom, the mistrust laced in every sip he took of his tea. He was like that once: scared, angry, betrayed, and alone.

But with a strange twist of fate, his life changed for the better. He found people he could trust. He met the love of his life. Unbelievably, he even married her, slowly earning her respect and eventually, her heart. And now, Hwang Hyunjin was no longer the boy with a crown too heavy and a life too lonely. He had people he cared about deeply, he had people he wanted to protect with his whole being. Especially…

“Papa! Papa!”

Hyunjin’s ears perked up as the large, ornate wooden doors of the hall creaked open ever so slightly, and a pitter patter of frantic footsteps bounded into the throne room. Almost immediately, he felt a smile grace his face, all the tension draining out of his posture as he gazed at the little girl, his darling daughter. 

Even the most stone-hearted envoys and esteemed guests could not hide their smiles as the girl ran excitedly towards her father, “Papa!” She giggled again, clumsily climbing up the steps to the throne.

Hyunjin’s heart fluttered with pride as he watched his daughter clamber up the marble steps, and for a split second, the image of her sitting on the throne as the next queen flashed across his mind. One baby step at a time, he reminded himself, and he stood up, easily picking up the girl as she gripped onto his sleeves.

“Naeun,” he brushed the baby hairs out of her face and smiled at her rosy cheeks. Time and time again, he was reminded of how much his daughter had begun to resemble the both of you. She had his doe eyes, but her smile, that was all you. 

The meeting became completely irrelevant to Hyunjin as he lavished all of his attention on her, “What are you doing here?”

Naeun, who was breathing heavily from all the running she had done, huffed and pouted rather sternly, “Mama said that if you stay in the office all night again, mama will dwag you back to the bedwoom.” 

Hyunjin fought the urge to laugh, utterly charmed by Naeun’s petulant words. How hard had she prepared to relay such a fiery message? He climbed up the remaining steps with the girl in his arms and sat back down comfortably on the throne, gently placing her on his lap.

“Papa is very sorry,” he said solemnly, bringing her little hand to his lips so he could kiss the back of it, making her giggle and squirm, “Did your mama send you here to tell me that?”

“Nope! But mama miss you!” Naeun replied brightly, and by this point, none of the guests were able to hide their endeared smiles and chuckles. Hyunjin felt a strange rush of both protectiveness and pride as he observed how easily Naeun had stolen the spotlight in the room with her joy and her innocence. It must be a father instinct that he was beginning to develop.

“Ah, mama misses me?” Hyunjin didn’t even know his heart was capable of containing such unbridled happiness and love as he smiled at his daughter. Naeun nodded firmly, and Hyunjin rubbed her back as he smoothed down her pretty princess dress, making sure she was comfortable before addressing the guests.

“My apologies for the interruption,” he said with perfect politeness, ever the ideal host. As expected, not many people were even the slightest bit annoyed by the disturbance, and they all waved off his apology, continuing the casual conversations about trade, finances, and commerce.

When it was all over, and Hyunjin was finally able to adjourn with all meetings and any other activities he’d scheduled to entertain his foreign guests, he eagerly walked down the hallways to the royal chambers, with Naeun safely nestled in his arms.

“Papa?”

“Yes, my little one?” He replied, letting her rest her chin on his shoulder.

“What’s fin..finan…” Naeun’s face scrunched up with effort as she tried to put the word back together from her memory. 

Hyunjin smiled fondly; he’d noticed her eagerly listening during the meeting, trying to soak in all the new knowledge that was coming her way. Naeun was good at de-escalating tensions, especially when she did her usual thing of barging into meetings without a care in the world, but Hyunjin also liked to let her stay in meetings because the little toddler seemed genuinely interested. She never seemed like she wanted to be anywhere else, only blinking from person to person with her large doe eyes. 

“Finance?” He supplied helpfully, and Naeun nodded into his shoulder, “It’s grown up stuff.”

“I like grown up stuff,” Naeun said with all the seriousness that a three year old could muster.

Hyunjin laughed, “I know you do, petal,” he hummed, thinking of a good way to explain the concept, “You know when you like to play house with your dolls and Uncle Changbin?”

Naeun immediately brightened at that. She loved playing house with Uncle Changbin! He was always a bit grumpy, a bit reluctant, but they always had a great tea party whenever her mama and papa were busy. 

“Mhm!”

“And you always like to trade certain dolls for the dolls that Changbin brings?” Hyunjin asked. Once again, he felt enormous gratitude to his personal commander, Seo Changbin, for going beyond the responsibilities of duty to take care of Naeun. As much as you and Hyunjin tried however you could to make time for her, with royal duties, parties, meetings, and work, it was just impossible to spend large amounts of time with your lovely daughter.

“Mhm! Uncle Changbin brings pwetty dolls!” Naeun nodded.

Hyunjin felt the smile grow on his face as he held her in his arms. He’d been smiling more often ever since Naeun was born, “Exactly. And you always have to give a few of your old ones to get the new, right? Or choose a few toys to give to Uncle Changbin so he can donate them to the capitol orphanages?”

Naeun only nodded curiously. 

“That, in a way, is finance. Of course, it’s a little more boring than trading dolls, though,” Hyunjin tickled her tummy with his finger, distracting her as she wiggled and squealed. Truth be told, Hyunjin didn’t want Naeun to grow up so quickly, even if that was all she wanted to do. Hyunjin didn’t remember anything from his childhood except textbooks, lectures, and a crushing pressure from his father and mother to live up to their expectations. He would never wish that upon his daughter.

After one more turn around the corner, they finally arrived at the Royal Chambers, with Changbin and Felix standing guard on both sides of the entrance. 

“Hi, Uncle Changbin! Hi, Uncle Lixie!” Despite their attempts to teach Naeun royal protocol about how to address the Kingsguard, she had little regard for it, opting to wave from the safety of her father’s arms. 

Changbin’s normally passive, almost grumpy expression melted ever so slightly as he waved back at her.  Despite his constant statements about not wanting to marry and not wanting to start a family, having Naeun made Hyunjin realize that his commander was surprisingly good with children. But if anyone so much as mentioned it, Changbin would deny any evidence of such allegations. Felix, on the other hand, was absolutely besotted with the little girl and made no attempts to hide it.

“Hi, little princess!” He smiled, opening the doors to the most private section of the palace. Hyunjin chuckled, nodding respectfully to both men before walking in. 

“Now, where’s your mama?” Hyunjin murmured. Of course, you were supposed to be in the bedroom, but Hyunjin knew you better than that. 

Naeun giggled, as if she knew you were breaking some sort of rule, and pointed to the study, “There!” 

“Thank you, petal,” Hyunjin booped her nose fondly before walking into the study, creaking the door open slowly as not to startle you. 

Every time his eyes fell to you, he would be swept with a newfound love that was stronger and more powerful than the time before. Even though your back was turned slightly away, and he could only see the slight curve of your lips and the profile of you from the side, Hyunjin knew without a doubt that you were the most beautiful woman in the world. 

You didn’t seem to notice your family walking in, lost in thought as you stared at the window, a piece of parchment in your hand. Hyunjin smiled, knowing how concentrated you can get when it came to state affairs. He put a finger to his lips, indicating to his daughter to be quiet. Naeun covered her mouth with her little hands, nodding as he very gently placed her on the fluffy carpet so she could play with the toys on the ground.

“I believe the doctor’s orders were for you to stay in bed?” Hyunjin murmured softly as he gently draped a woolen shawl over your shoulders, his arms snaking around you from behind. Maybe you did know he was around, since you didn't seem startled by his presence and only smiled as his hands rested on your tummy.

“We have guests in our palace. How can I stay in bed when there’s so much to do?” You replied, leaning into his arms and physically relaxing against him.

“You can just leave the work to me,” Hyunjin pouted a little, feeling guilty that he wasn’t able to handle the entire burden of royal duties. He couldn’t when you were pregnant with Naeun, and he couldn’t now. His hands rubbed your tummy through the silk nightgown as he gently placed his chin on your shoulder, murmuring, “It’s not good for the baby…”

Every time Hyunjin touched your tummy, it made you airy with disbelief and awe at how fortunate you were to have him. When you were a princess, long long ago, you’d never expected yourself to look forward to starting a family. But with Hyunjin, Naeun brought so much joy in your lives that neither of you could help but want another, and your prayers were answered when you became pregnant again around the time Naeun turned three. 

Part of why you were willing was because it awed you every time you saw how much Hyunjin cared. You knew how kings were, always drowning in their work, their duty, which always led them to crave independence, and then occasionally, turning to other women than their lawful wife. You knew that was the norm. Care, much less love, was something that royal women would be lucky to have.

Yet, Hyunjin gave it to you in the spades. Hyunjin cared, Hyunjin loved so much. You saw it every time he looked at you, you saw it every time he would gingerly place the crown upon your head before formal gatherings. You saw it every time he’d keep you close at parties, made sure everyone knew how much he valued you and your opinion. You saw it every time he looked at Naeun, his eyes sparkling with childlike wonder that could only be reflected in your daughter’s own eyes.

And now, with the two of you expecting another child, you saw it in his fretting, his worrying, his constant attempts to keep you safe and healthy, even if he was a little overbearing.

“The doctor never said a little bit of work would harm the baby,” you pointed out, tilting your head back to look into his eyes as you cupped his cheek, “I’m checking myself, I promise.”

“I’m sure you are,” Hyunjin chuckled, and he could no longer stop himself, his lips pressing against  yours in a gentle kiss as he hugged you. You only hummed happily against his lips, enjoying the moment when you were suddenly interrupted.

“Yuckie!” Naeun squeaked out, causing both of you to pull away with a laugh. The princess was sitting on the ground with a soft plushie in her arms as she looked at her parents with disgust.

You burst into giggles, pulling away from Hyunjin to walk over to her, “Yuckie? It’s yuckie that your parents are in love?” You asked teasingly, pinching her cheek. Naeun giggled, trying to run away as Hyunjin suddenly lifted her up from behind, placing her in his lap.

“Kisses are yuckie!” She squealed, making both of you laugh as Hyunjin tickled her tummy.

Hyunjin smiled, chuckling, “Don’t ever let me catch you kissing someone else,” he warned. In all honesty, the idea of his precious daughter falling in love made his blood boil unreasonably. Especially in the royal realm, it was so hard to determine which ones were good and which ones were only hiding behind the mask of benevolence. Just the thought of Naeun falling in love, Naeun getting her heart broken by some good for nothing prince…

“My love,” Hyunjin’s eyes widened as he felt a gentle hand on his arm. You smiled fondly, almost as you already knew exactly what he was thinking, as you always did, “Baby steps, alright? She’s not at that age yet.”

“Baby steps!” Naeun chorused, although oblivious to the conversation at hand. 

Hyunjin felt himself relax, and he engulfed his daughter in a big hug, letting her snuggle into his chest, “Yes, baby steps,” he murmured as he left a kiss in her hair.

.

“What do you mean, they won’t allow it?” You asked angrily, following Hyunjin into his study as he ran a frantic hand through his hair.

Hyunjin sank into his chair, frustration clear in his face as he glanced up at you, “The letter from the council came back. Apparently, there were some strong voices of protest, and eventually they decided to rule against it. They won’t accept Naeun as the heir.”

“That’s ridiculous!” You snapped, feeling steam practically radiating from your ears, “She’s the eldest child, our first born! They've had three years to observe her, and she's performed well in all subjects. She’s practically a genius!" 

You whirled around, tightening the shawl around your frame as you made up your mind to go to the council yourself when Hyunjin rushed over, intercepting you as he gently grabbed your arms, “Y/N, my darling,” you shook your head, not in the mood for his cajoling and gentle attention.

“I’m going to talk to them. They were relenting a couple months ago! I don’t see why--”

“Hey, hey, breathe,” Hyunjin’s voice was suddenly stern, his hands running up and down your back to soothe you, “Calm down, love. Please. Think of the baby.”

You froze, the fight beginning to drain out of you as you tried to take deep breaths. Hyunjin’s hand trailed to your wrist, subtly taking note of your pulse to ensure that you were still alright. 

“I know you’re angry. So am I,” Hyunjin spoke, stepping closer to you and cupping your face in his gentle hands. Your eyes closed at his touch, feeling his warm embrace as his comforting presence, “But we need to deal with this slowly. There are foreign envoys still here, remember? We can’t go barging around the palace like we normally do, not until they leave.”

You huffed, knowing that Hyunjin was right, but still feeling churlishly angry at the news, “So we just wait?”

“We’ll discuss it once more when the council meeting is held again,” Hyunjin suggested, brushing a strand of hair away from your face, “I’m sure they’ll cave. Naeun is a perfect contender, the perfect candidate for the next heir. She’s just not what they’re used to.”

“And what are they used to? A son?” You said mockingly, your anger fueled by the ridiculous laws that were still in place. Your kingdom had long since done away with such petty things as male only rules, but it seemed like Hyunjin's kingdom was a little more traditional. 

“Yes, and you know how stubborn they are about it” Hyunjin murmured, palming your stomach, “They’re waiting for this little one.”

“They don’t even know if it’s going to be a boy,” you scoffed, but you could feel yourself relaxing in Hyunjin’s arms. The two of you were so alike and yet so different. Hyunjin was the cooling water to your raging firestorm. And you were the spark that light his ice cold heart alight with love for the first time all those years ago.

Hyunjin hummed at your comment, gently nuzzling his nose against your cheek, “I think it will be. Otherwise, I'd be awfully outnumbered in this family,” he said softly, kissing your cheek as he continued, “But no matter. I still want my precious Naeun to be the crown princess. The council just has stick up their ass.”

“Hyunjin!” You slapped his arm, pulling away to walk towards his study, sitting in the chair as you felt the baby kick once again.

The king only laughed at your glare, immediately rushing to your side as he took your hand, “The baby’s bothering you again, huh?” He asked, his eyes filled with wonder as he stared at your tummy. It was a silent, yet rather apparent question to you, asking whether he had permission to touch. It was almost adorable how childishly excited Hyunjin would get at the thought of his own children.

You gently placed his hand over the fabric of your dress, right over where you’d felt a slight kick just before, “It’s not a bother,” you said gently, “How can it be a bother when it reassures me that our child is safe and healthy?”

Hyunjin’s expression was nothing short of entranced as he felt a push against the palm of his hand, “I love you,” he murmured as he glanced at you, and he leaned forward to press his cheek against your tummy, to which you only smiled fondly and ran a hand through his hair.

“I love them, too,” he spoke to your stomach, as he had no doubt that your unborn child would hear it and know just how much their father cared.

The two of you stayed in that position, basking in the monetary relaxation for a moment longer, your hands gently running through his hair as he rested his head on your lap. It was definitely not a position that either of you would want to be caught in, but Hyunjin found himself rather fond of it, being able to let go of his responsibilities and rely on you for comfort without being anxious. 

You sat for a moment longer before a particular piece of parchment on Hyunjin's desk caught your eye, and you quickly reached for it as your husband continued to rest comfortably on your lap.

“There’s a party tomorrow night?” You asked, scanning the contents over as your free hand gently carded through his hair.

“Mhm, the envoys are leaving the morning after, so it has to be grand,” Hyunjin mumbled lazily in return, his eyes shut from mild exhaustion.

You hummed, putting the parchment down as you said softly, “If it’s the final dinner, shouldn’t I be there? I haven’t seen any of our guests except on the first day. It would be impolite if I missed the last event, too.”

“No,” Hyunjin’s grip tightened imperceptibly as he gently held your waist, lifting his head up to meet your eyes, “They understand your situation. It’s only natural that you haven’t been at all the events,” he said firmly, his hand absently moving towards your stomach.

“It’s still impolite. I should probably go,” you said softly, resting your hand over his, “We don’t want our guests to leave with a bad taste in their mouth.” 

Hyunjin looked uncertain, his eyes pleading with you as he pressed his lips to your knuckles, “If something happens…”

“Nothing will happen, my darling,” you cooed, trying to reassure your love as you sensed his fear. Hyunjin, underneath his cold words and powerful gaze, was just as human as any other man.

“It’s just a party. I won’t even dance, alright?” You continued with a cajoling smile, brushing your thumb against his cheek bone, “I just have to be there, Hyunjin. It’s my duty.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes fluttered shut as he melted against your touch, leaning his cheek into your hand and sighing softly, “I know I can’t change your mind,” he said, “You’re just stubborn like that, and I love it more than you know. But it scares me so much.” 

“It scares you?” You repeated his words, waiting patiently for him to elaborate. 

The king nodded, looking so vulnerable in your arms that you were afraid he’d break, “What if something happens? What if, one day, you overestimate yourself and you lose the baby? Or worse,” Hyunjin kissed your palm, holding your wrist in his hand as he gazed upon you with more pain in his eyes than you’ve ever seen.

“What if I lose you, too?”

Your heart shattered at the fear and the sheer amount of unconditional love that glistened in his eyes whenever they met yours, “Oh, Hyunjin,” you sighed, leaning forward to be closer to him, “It won't come to that.”

But Hyunjin couldn't hear reason at this point, frightening himself as he held your hand, “I can't rule this kingdom without you, without your love. You're the first happiness I've ever had in this lifetime.” 

“Hyunjin, you can and you have,” you argued, reaching to lace your fingers with his, “You were ruling wonderfully before we met.”

“It's not the same, darling, and you know it,” Hyunjin answered, kissing the pulse point of your wrist daintily, “You made me a better person and a better king.”

You couldn't help but smile adoringly, reaching your other hand to run your fingers through his soft hair, “I'm glad. You made my life happier than I ever dreamed it could be.”

Hyunjin sighed, melting into your touch. As always, he felt weightless in your arms, free of burden and responsibility. He didn't have to think of anything but you and him.

But alas, there was still a problem at hand. 

“Do you really want to attend the party?” He asked softly into the fabric of your dress, one of the comfortable ones he'd ordered to be specially made for you when the two of you discovered that you were expecting a second time.

“I do, Hyunjin. I think it's best that I take my place beside you, at least once before they leave. It'll quell any rumors about us and about my supposed ill health,” you explained your reasoning, understanding Hyunjin’s doubts but still feeling strongly about going all the same.

Hyunjin’s eyes opened slowly and he nodded in resignation as he stood up, “Alright. I won't stop you. But, my love, at least let me assign Changbin and Felix to you as your guards for the night.”

“Both of them?” You asked, standing up slowly to maintain your balance. Hyunjin didn't leave your side for a moment, holding your arm in case you fell, “Isn't that a bit much?” 

“It would make me less anxious to know you're well guarded,” Hyunjin pleaded with you, fixing the shawl around your shoulders as the two of you walked out of the study. It was already quite late in the evening, with Naeun having been sent to bed long before. 

Your fingers intertwined naturally, and the two of you headed to your chambers, ready for a long night's rest, “Alright, assign both of them to me,” you relented, “I still think it’s a bit overkill.”

“You’d be walking around the town without a single guard if we went with what you thought was overkill,” Hyunjin chuckled, beginning to shed his uniform.

“Not true,” you protested weakly as you climbed into bed, already in your nightgown.

Hyunjin joined you soon after, engulfing you in his arms and his comforting scent as you let out a sigh of contentment, burrowing in his embrace, “Let’s get some rest, alright?” You said, sleepiness laced in your voice as you hummed softly, “I love you.”

“I love you, too, my darling,” Hyunjin murmured his response without a moment of hesitation, as if he’d been waiting all his life to tell you, “so much.”

.

Parties were hectic enough already, even more so when you had a hyperactive toddler to manage on top of the plethora of things that could already go wrong, from the banquet food to the entertainment. 

"Weeee!" Naeun squealed, running around the bedroom like a madman and trying to escape changing into her party dress. 

Before she could slip away, you managed to snag an arm around her waist, lifting her into your arms with a grunt, “Where do you think you're going, little princess?”

Naeun pouted, whining as she wiggled in your grasp, “Want to go play! Want to find papa!” She said with a huff. 

“Papa is busy right now,” you said patiently as you gently plopped her on the bed, trying to help her out of her nightgown while Naeun fussed, obviously not wanting to do as she was told.

“But I want to play with papa!” She protested as she eventually lifted her arms, letting you help her change. 

You sighed as you helped her into the beautiful golden dress, the fabric laced with ruffles and sparkling thread that was fit for any little princess.

“Papa is a little busy, alright?” You spoke gently, trying to make your lecture sound less like a scolding and more of an explanation, “There have been guests in Mama and Papa's home for the last few days, and Papa has been busy taking care of them.”

“B-but...what about me?” Naeun’s lower lip quivered dramatically, and you fought the urge to smile at how utterly adorable she was, “Papa take care of me!”

“You don't think Papa takes care of you?” You asked, raising an eyebrow, “Papa spends all his free time with you, Naeunie. Papa takes caring for you very, very seriously.”

Naeun pouted still, her lip jutting out petulantly, but she let her head fall. Even for a three year old, the little girl was awfully perceptive, and knew when she'd lost an argument. And in her heart of hearts, she knew that her parents really did move heaven and earth to make her their top priority.

“Papa no stop taking care of me?” She asked softly as you buttoned the pearl clasp around her collar.

“No, my little one,” you answered with a gentle smile as you fixed her hair, “Papa and Mama will always take care of you. When this is all over, how about we stay a week at the summer residence? Just you, papa and me, and we'll have all the time in the world to play with you.”

Naeun gasped, bouncing on the bed, “Weally? Just us?”

“If you want, you can drag your Uncle Changbin to come with us, too,” you said slyly as you booped her nose, but instead of scrunching her face playfully as she always did, Naeun suddenly looked ashamed, head tilted downward as if she’d done something naughty and then felt guilty about it after the fact.

You were immediately concerned, “Little one?” You prodded, gently trying to tilt her chin up so she’d look at you, “Little one, what’s happened? You can tell Mama anything.”

Naeun hiccuped slightly, and your heart ached as you realized that she was on the verge of tears, “Mama, ‘m sorry,” she mumbled softly, eyes glittering with unshed tears and you quickly sat on the bed, pulling her into your lap.

“Why are you sorry, Naeunie?” You asked, trying not to sound frantic, worried, or anything that might frighten her more.

“Papa said Mama is tired, and that I shouldn’t bother Mama,” Naeun explained, large droplets beginning to roll down her rosy cheeks as she wailed, “But I’ve been bad bad! I make Mama worry!”

You tried to stifle your incredulous laughter as your daughter clung onto you, wailing dramatically as if the world was about to end. So that was what got her so worked up all of a sudden.

“Silly little thing,” you teased, cradling her in your arms as best you could with the bump of your stomach getting in the way. Still, you nuzzled your nose against her cheek, wiping her tears, “It’s mama’s job to worry. You’re a perfectly good girl, Naeunie. Mama and Papa are so lucky to have a precious girl like you.”

Naeun’s shoulders slowly began to shake as she rubbed her eyes, “Like me?” She repeated, a tinge of innocent hope and adoration laced in her voice that always raised your protective instincts, the instinct to shield her from any harm that this world could throw at her.

You smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear as you spoke softly, “Just like you. Mama and Papa love you to the moon and back.” 

“And I love Mama and Papa, too! So so muchie!” Naeun parroted back happily, smiling with all the life and brightness that both you and Hyunjin lacked in your own childhoods. Maybe that was why the two of you were so determined to be there for Naeun in every way possible, to make sure that she knew she was so very loved. Because neither of you received that type of acceptance when you were children.

“Good girl,” you said, kissing her forehead once more before smoothing down her dress, “Are you ready to go?”

“Mm!” She nodded, clambering off the bed and standing tall, “Will Papa be at party, too?”

“Your papa is already there,” you chuckled to yourself, taking your daughter’s little hand and heading out of the bedroom.

Outside, both Felix and Changbin were waiting for you, dressed impeccably for the formal occasion. In normal circumstances, it would only be one of them waiting for you while the other guarded Hyunjin, but the king had not allowed any exceptions. Both of the strongest in the Kingsguard must be by your side for the day.

“Sorry for the wait,” you said to both of them as Naeun slipped away from you, skipping over to her two uncles, going especially for one in particular.

“Uncle Changbin, Uncle Changbin!” The man grunted as he caught her in his arms, shifting so she was eye level with him, her bright smile contrasting with his typical frown.

Felix walked with you as Changbin and Naeun entered their own little world, with the young toddler prattling his ears off and the commander listening with surprising attentiveness, “She plays favorites,” Felix complained playfully, clutching a hand to his heart as he stayed by your side.

“She definitely does,” you agreed with a fond smile, keeping an eye on your daughter as you walked down the halls, a hand resting on your tummy as you glanced at the man beside you, “Hyunjin is at the party, right? How is he doing?”

“When will the two of you ever not worry about one another?” Felix laughed, shaking his head, “Hyunjin caught me on the way up to your bedroom, asking about you as well.”

You shrugged, the sound and clamor of crowds and partying beginning to be apparent as you neared the ballroom, “That’s just married life, Felix. Trying to put the other person before yourself,” you glanced at him, the gaze in your eyes shifting into something more mischievous as you opened your mouth, “And maybe, you--”

“Nope! Not happening!” Felix interrupted you cheerfully, “You and His Majesty have just been on my ass about it, and it’s not happening!”

“Oh, but Lixie,” you laughed with him, taking his arm as you walked down the marble steps, “it’s really not all that bad!”

Felix’s gaze was soft as he gently patted your hand. He’d been assigned to the Kingsguard right around the time you were crowned Queen, and there was a sort of camaraderie that formed between the two of you from trying to navigate the ups and downs of palace life. He was a good confidante, and you very much valued his happiness.

“I’m happy here,” he said gently, looking into your eyes with his bright and genuine ones, “I’m happy looking after people that I care about. And for now, I don’t ever want to lose that.” 

You sighed, a smile gracing your face as you shook your head, “Alright. But if you ever change your mind…”

“You and His Majesty would be the first to know,” Felix promised.

The doors swung open, and the crowd quickly stood at attention as you entered the ballroom. Your gaze hardened ever so slightly, and your posture shifted, taking the persona of the respected queen that you were to the eyes of your people. Before you were a mother, or a wife, you were a symbol, an anchor of virtue.

Even Naeun was on her best behavior as she walked down with Changbin, holding his little pinky as she climbed down the steps. She seemed to sense her own importance, and did her very best not to mess up, making you break character for a moment as you smiled.

Your eyes caught sight of your husband standing near the throne, and his eyes twinkled with adoration when your gazes met. He put down his glass of champagne, quickly gliding through the room to receive you.

“God, he’s whipped for you, Your Majesty,” Felix muttered under his breath, “Does the honeymoon period never end--ow!” A discrete finger jab to the side was enough to shut him up.

Hyunjin’s smile was small and hidden, reserved just for your eyes as you made it to the bottom step, “Don’t you look beautiful, my Queen,” he murmured, chastely kissing the back of your hand before pecking your lips.

“Jinnie, not here,” you scolded lightly, letting him take your hand as Naeun rushed over, the crowd cooing with delight. Naeun had only been present in a handful of engagements before this particular party, and the people were still fully immersed in baby fever, entranced by the little girl.

“Papa!” She jumped at him, your husband bending down and catching her easily.

“Oh, my little petal!” His smile was bright as he held her securely, spinning her around, “Ready for dinner?”

“Mhm!” Naeun nodded, but not before placing a big kiss on her father’s cheek, “Miss you!”

You couldn’t help but giggle, watching as the princess’s actions completely melted the crowed. She was definitely a natural. You remembered what you were like as a three year-old, scared, terrified, and always trying to hide behind your mother’s skirt even as she forced you to be independent. 

Naeun didn’t need that push, and you were grateful.

Hyunjin carried Naeun in one arm and escorted you with the other. Your eyes scanned the room, automatically taking note of certain esteemed guests and nobles. In the edge of the room, you noticed a few council members sitting together at a table, refusing to stand at attention for your entrance. 

"Is everything ready?" You asked as you carefully sat down beside Hyunjin, "The dinner, the entertainment-" 

“It’s all done,” Hyunjin smiled, pecking your lips before he placed Naeun in her chair beside his golden one, making sure she was sitting still, “Nothing to worry about.”

You smiled, grateful that your husband was so accommodating and willing to handle so much of the work while you needed your rest. Gesturing to one of the maids, you waved your hand, requesting her to start ushering the guests to their seats as food was about to be served.

As you continued to observe the room, making sure everything was running smoothly, you felt a gentle hand take yours, rubbing it soothingly.

“I haven’t seen you all day. I missed you,” Hyunjin murmured into your ear, making you blush slightly. Even after all these years, his forwardness always flustered you, made you feel like a giddy young princess rather than an experienced queen.

“Hyunjin, come on...not here,” you whispered back, letting his hand glide to your stomach, hidden from everyone’s view by the table in front of you. 

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” Hyunjin protested in a playful tone, gently patting your tummy before pulling away and gaining back some of his kingly aura right as the first dishes were served.

The banquet went without much of a hitch, to your relief. The atmosphere was overall genial and it didn’t seem like any of your guests had malicious intentions. Hyunjin, of course, grew a little ruffled when one of the young boys from the envoy’s family, no older than five, asked to dance with Naeun, but you argued that it was rather endearing to see the children stumble around the dance floor.

“Mama, that was really fun!” Naeun reported happily when she was sitting back in her seat, her hair slightly messy from twirling so much, “Want to do it again!”

“Never, not while I’m still alive,” Hyunjin muttered, rubbing his eyes halfheartedly as the memory of his precious little girl dancing with a boy replayed in his head. 

You laughed at the two of them, reaching over to fix Naeun’s hairdo so she didn’t look like an absolute mess for the rest of the evening, “I think your father wouldn’t be very happy with that,” you said teasingly, kissing her forehead just as the crown prince approached your table with a glass of fine wine in his hand.

“Your Majesties,” he spoke respectfully, exuding the perfect mixture of gracefulness and charisma as he bowed, “If I could do the honor of making a toast for the occasion?”

Of course, the request was posed as a question, merely to play to the ego and the pride of the hosts, but a toast was usually not something you could refuse. Doing so meant bad blood, tensions, potential rifts in foreign relations. Besides, the prince didn’t look malicious; you normally had a good sense of intuition about people, and the man standing before you and Hyunjin didn’t raise any red flags.

Hyunjin didn’t seem to sense anything either, and with a courteous smile, he waved his hand in agreement, “The trade deals we’ve made this time around are definitely a reason for celebration,” he said, “Although, I’ll have to drink on behalf of the Queen as well.”

The prince smiled at that, gesturing to one of his servants as they walked towards the table, bringing two gold encrusted wine glasses towards you, “We would never want to leave Her Majesty out. In consideration of her pregnancy, I’ve brought a specialty drink created from a fruit that is grown only in our country. It is harmless to the body, and said to bring good health and longevity to expecting mothers.”

Gasps and noises of approval filled the air as you tilted your head inquisitively, looking at the wine glass being presented to you. You could feel Hyunjin’s hesitancy, and you studied the prince’s expression carefully, but there really didn’t seem to be anything wrong. There wasn’t any point in making a big fuss over nothing.

Delicately, your fingers wrapped around the glass, picking it up and looking at the orange liquid. Hyunjin watched you carefully before doing the same with his glass, which held red wine like everyone else.

The prince smiled, relief obvious in his posture as he held up his own glass. He obviously had worried that you might reject the gift, thinking that it overstepped boundaries. 

“May our kingdoms stay allies through peace and through strife. To friendship!”

The crowd chorused the sentiment as you merely lifted the glass to your mouth, the liquid just about to touch your lips when you froze.

That scent. You remembered it when your physician had warned you against certain plants that were harmful to your body. As the queen of two nations, you were an obvious target, and there was never any telling with when someone with a cruel heart could slip a poison into your food or water. The scent was almost imperceptible, but you knew it was there.

Someone was trying to poison you, and they chose the most opportune time to do so.

Watching as the prince and your husband both downed their glasses, your brain was working a mile a minute, scrambling for a way out. You could you say outright that there was poison in the glass. That would put both your own staff and your guests in a terrible position. You didn’t have any proof that it was actually the prince who was trying to harm you, and making those accusations would all but tear the alliance apart. 

Your heart must’ve been pounding so loudly that the people around you could hear. You kept your face placidly calm as you decided on your course of action, and very subtly tapped your finger against the wine glass three times, a signal that Changbin had taught you in order to alert the Kingsguard of danger.

Both Changbin and Felix saw your movement, and so did Hyunjin out of the corner of his eye. He turned, his expression slowly morphing into shocked anger, something you had not wanted to happen. Thinking quickly, you pretended to choke, coughing up a storm as you managed to put the glass down.

Felix walked forward and was beside you in an instant, catching on to your actions. He handed you a handkerchief, gently patting your back as Changbin was also by your side, a concerned expression crossing his face as he stood guard.

“Are you alright, Your Majesty?” Felix asked, keeping the attention on you as he discreetly slid the glass to the side, letting Changbin collect it and take it away, ensuring that it was as far away from you as possible.

“Y-yes,” you smiled shakily, pressing the handkerchief against your lips, “Just got startled when the baby kicked.”

The people around you, Hyunjin and Felix, instantly saw through your lie, but knew better than to question your words when everyone’s eyes were on you. You finally glanced at your husband, your anxiety spiking when you saw the way he looked at you, eyes filled with uncontrollable fury. 

Someone had really tried to hurt you, really tried to take his happiness right out from his grasp.

You placed a hand on his, and gave it a warning squeeze, “I’m alright, love, there’s no need to fret,” you cooed, putting on a show of calming him down so that his anger might be taken as anxiety instead.

Hyunjin caught onto your cues, and did his best to control the murderous emotions threatening to bubble out of his chest. Luckily enough, there was another distraction that waddled over, effectively putting the whole situation at rest.

“Mama! Are you alright?” Naeun ran over, her expression overly worried as she stood beside you, her little hands grabbing blindly for you and wanting to be held. As she was watching her Uncle Changbin, she’d panicked when he did, automatically thinking that something bad had happened to her mother.

“Oh, my little one, nothing happened. See?” You comforted her, bringing her hands to your cheeks as you smiled, “Mama is fine.”

“My deepest apologies, Your Majesty!” The prince stammered out as you gently placed Naeun in your lap, giving into her cries to be close to you, “I did not mean to cause you harm. Not in the slightest.”

“And you did not,” you spoke gracefully, a hand lightly squeezing your husband’s leg under the table as you took control of the conversation, sensing that the man was no longer thinking rationally. Hyunjin already suspected the prince as the main culprit, and any words that would leave his mouth from here on would be far from pleasant.

You smiled serenely, looking at the prince, “There was no harm done. Pregnancies are always unpredictable.”

The prince nodded, his expression still anxious as he excused himself and took his seat back with his family. Looking at his frazzled expression, the idea that the person who was looking to poison you was less likely to be him.

“Hyunjin, snap that glare off your face. People are beginning to notice,” you hissed in his ear as people began to dance and mingle now that the dinner part of the banquet was done. Naeun was still in your arms, having fallen asleep. It was far past her normal bed time, after all.

But Hyunjin’s fury was just barely contained, “How can I? Someone tried to hurt you, Y/N. Someone tried to do so right before my very eyes, right under the noses of our Kingsguard,” he spoke under his breath, the cold glint in his eyes growing stronger with every moment. The Hwang Hyunjin of old, the ruthless king that ruled without mercy, was returning, and you needed to stop him quickly.

“Making a ruckus will not serve us any good,” you said softly, continuing to bounce Naeun lightly on your lap.

“He needs to know what happens if he hurts a member of the royal family,” Hyunjin’s glare shifted to the prince, who was dancing with his wife amongst the crowd.

“It isn’t him, Hyunjin,” you took his hand, lacing your fingers together, “I’m sure it isn’t.”

“Then who?” He rounded on you, eyes filled with pain and anger as he tried to hide it from nosy onlookers, leaning closer to press a kiss to the crown of your head, “Who would dare hurt the most precious person in my life?”

“I don’t know, Hyunjin. But now isn’t the time to play detective. Let’s get through this party first, alright?” You asked soothingly just as Naeun shifted in your arms, mumbling.

“Papa…”

Hyunjin faltered at that weak cry, and you smiled in relief as you carefully handed Naeun to her father. The king held her in his lap, using her as his anchor. 

"Oh, my little petal," he sighed, letting the girl slump into his chest as she slept soundly, unaware of the turmoil raging through her father's heart. Hyunjin held her close, kissing her hair, and you were able to observe the party absently, letting yourself calm down after a near experience with death.

Who could've done it? The very idea of lacing the queen's drink with poison, and quite possibly starting a war in the process, would scare almost anyone away. It had to be someone with much more to gain from the incident, someone that feels sure enough of their position that they see the act through knowing it could never be traced back to them. 

You sat in relative silence for the rest of the evening, choosing to observe rather than participate as the guests enjoyed the many festivities you'd planned for the evening. One particular man, sitting at the table to your right, who looked suspiciously upset for such a joyous occasion, caught your eye. 

His motives certainly aligned, and he was of high enough status that he probably didn't even have to personally orchestrate any of it to happen. 

Could it be...? There was only one way to quell your suspicions. 

. 

The party ended uneventfully, and soon, many of the guests began to trickle out of the palace gates, ready to retire for the night. One man opted to take a less crowded route back to his estate, cutting through the palace passageways instead of braving the cold and the people. After all, he was no longer in a sociable mood after the events of the night. 

He should've  known it wasn't going to be so easy. The queen was not only royalty, she was an experienced general as well. It shouldn't have been such a surprise that she sniffed out the little surprise so easily. 

Still, even if it was to be expected, it was still a disappointment. If only she wasn't around, things would be so much simpler. He would've been able to further secure his position, maybe even take control of the military. Oh, the possibilities for him were endless if only- 

"General Lee Minho. It's quite late for you to still be here in my palace." 

If only you weren't around to stop him. 

Maintaining his composure, Minto turned around, giving you a perfect bow, "Your Majesty, I didn't mean to impose. I was merely trying to get home-" 

"Why did you do it?" 

Never one to beat around the bush, were you? 

Minho gave you a saccharine smile, his heart still relatively at ease. You had no proof. There was nothing that could connect the act to him. 

"Your Majesty, I don't believe I understand." 

It must've been the wrong thing to say. Your eyebrow raised inquisitively, and you took a step forward, your eyes cold and unwavering. You must've learned a thing or two from your besotted husband.  

"You're a cunning man, General. Our kingdoms profit off your intellect and your strategy," you said, looking straight into his own unflinching gaze.

"In fact, your cunning is the only reason you are still alive." 

The air seemed to grow thinner in an instant, and the pleasantries all but faded from Minho’s expression. You weren't inquiring, you knew it was him. This encounter was merely icing on the cake for you. The general was suddenly aware that the halls were completely empty save for the two of you, and there was not a sound to be heard. Not the sounds of a servant fetching water, or a maid finishing up her errands. Nothing.

Minho pursed his lips, giving you an unreadable gaze, “I wouldn't advise threatening me in your condition,” he commented, eyes falling deliberately to the swell of your stomach.

You couldn't help but smile in amusement at his thinly veiled threat, “I assure you, General, I am perfectly safe.”

“Oh?” Minho raised an eyebrow at your words, “And I suppose one of your two dogs that you call the Kingsguard is hiding just around the corner, waiting for a movement that would put you in danger before cutting me down.”

The silence screamed under the midnight sky, and the candles illuminating the hallway seemed to flicker as your smile turned icy.

“Do you really think I need Felix to intercede in order for me to kill you?”

Your words were barely audible, and could've easily passed as the murmurings of the wind, but for the first time, Minho didn't feel safe. There was something about the glint in your eyes, the way you stood before him like a storm just waiting to tear through him. 

All this time, Minho had not worried about the consequences of his actions. He did not believe that you were in a position to raise a finger at him, especially since the nobles were on his side. You were the former princess of a foreign kingdom, after all. You were the disadvantaged one here. If anything, he was worried what the king might do if his plot was discovered, knowing and having witnessed Hyunjin’s merciless punishments to those that defied him.

But standing before you, alone and without the bravado of his typical entourage, Minho realized. It was you that he should've feared. 

There was not an ounce of humanity, affection, or care in your eyes. The loving queen that had just been cradling her daughter in her arms earlier that night had all but slipped away. Standing before him was a battle-hardened warrior, a woman who had experienced too much suffering to ever go through it again, no matter what it took.

“What do you want from me?” Minho said, his innocent facade fading completely as he finally caved, the hatred seeping into his eyes as he glared at you.

“I want answers, and you will give them to me. If you don't know, which I doubt will be the case, you will direct me to someone who does.”

Minho’s jaw clenched, feeling the growing panic and fury clawing up his chest as he stood before you, with no more cards to play, “Alright.”

“Alright?” You raised an eyebrow, the simplest action laced with an unspoken threat.

“Alright, Your Majesty,” Minho sneered, wanting nothing more than to pull out his hidden blade and run it cleanly through your throat. He knew better though, especially since he was sure Felix had his eyes trained on him, ready to strike.

“Who else is in on this?”

“A few of the lords were vaguely aware that I was plotting something, but they did not actively participate in the act.”

“Were your actions supported?”

Looking down to the side, he muttered, “There were a few people that did not agree on my methods, but still want you removed.”

“Naeun. Is she in danger?” You asked sharply, for the first time, feeling a spike of fear hit you. If there was someone willing to murder your unborn child, you suspected that Naeun would not be safe either.

To your relief, Minho shook his head, “Not that I know of.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. As long as you and your child were relatively safe, you could continue the interrogation more seriously, “You laced my drink with poison, but it was not a large enough dosage to cause death. Why?”

“Your death would effectively sever any alliance between my kingdom and yours,” Minho gritted his teeth as he spoke, as if you were physically pulling out every single word from his mouth, “As much as I despise your kingdom for starting that useless war, I am not arrogant enough to deny that our alliance has benefited both of us greatly.”

“So you wanted my child,” you snarled lowly, your hand unconsciously reaching to touch your stomach as if protecting it, “You wanted me to miscarry.”

Minho smiled, all daggers and fangs as he replied, “If your baby didn't make it, you won't have a male heir. You would most likely have a harder time conceiving, and we'd be able to supply His Majesty with a suitable mistress.”

You stared at Minho, the pieces falling together in your mind as you thought of every moment when the general had tried to undermine you, make your comments less received by actively criticizing them, or scorn you for your status as a foreigner.

“You wanted me to lose favor with Hyunjin,” you concluded, feeling almost disappointed by the turn of events. No matter what kingdom, the power hungry were always the same, tearing down others for their own benefit. Doesn’t the battle for control ever get tiring for them?

Minho barked out a scathing laugh, “Of course I wanted you to lose favor with him. I wanted him to resent you, to hate you, to see you for what you really are, a viper hidden beneath that pretty, pretty face of yours.”

“Why?” You asked, genuinely confused, “Why must you go so far to stop me--to stop him--from being happy?”

“You think he’s happy?” The general scoffed, and against his better judgement, he took a threatening step towards you. The expression on your face barely twitched, but Minho could suddenly feel a murderous aura coming from behind him, and he knew better than to push his luck.

“Do you really think he’s happy?” Minho laughed, “You destroyed him, Your Majesty. You turned him soft. We were going to build the greatest, most ruthless empire the continent has ever known. And suddenly, after he met you, he decided to stop conquering, to take care of his people, to take care of your people after you lost.”

You weren’t expect such a barrage of anger and honesty, but you took the chance while you had it, “And what? You’re upset because you stopped gaining wealth and power in the spades like you used to?”

Minho’s scowl was pure wickedness, and you stared him down, an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object, “I’m upset because you turned our king into a soft, weak little boy. The plan was to wring you and your people dry, taking all the resources before leaving you to fend for yourself. And, suddenly, after he met you, he wanted to do nothing but protect you, a cowardly, foolish princess that was nothing but her parent’s puppet--”

“Careful,” your voice was soft, its edges laced with poison as your eyes flashed with a silent warning, “You are alive still because I have use for you, but you run your mouth like that again, and I’ll have your tongue cut out before I slit your throat.”

The general realized the seriousness of your words, and his eyes narrowed, “You have use...of me,” he repeated your words, already disliking where this was going. 

“Of course I do. If I didn’t, your body would have already been dumped into the river by now,” you said pleasantly, the serene smile back on your face as you pulled at your lace gloves.

Minho raised an eyebrow, “Do you think you’d be able to get away with that, Your Majesty?”

“Oh, my dear General,” you couldn’t help but laugh, amused by his doubtfulness at your capabilities, “unlike you, I am not in the position where every move I make is another desperate grab for power. I am the Queen. The power stems from me and my husband. And do you think Hyunjin would care about the potential murderer of his unborn child if I told him the truth?”

Minho’s jaw clenched so hard, it was painful. He underestimated you. Hyunjin was not the ruthless one. You were.

Like a snake constricting its prey, knowing there was no hope of escape, you smiled, “You are in no position to threaten me, Lee Minho, and unless you want me to strip you of all of your titles or for me to tell Hyunjin about what has just transpired, I’d keep that snippy mouth of yours shut.”

How pathetic. You knew exactly what he valued in life, and didn’t hesitate in brandishing against him like a sharpened blade. All of Minho's actions were to protect his reputation with the king and to hold onto the power he'd already earned, and you were dangling that prize over his head, ready to rip it away from him at a moment's notice.

“What does Her Majesty require of me?” Minho asked through gritted teeth and a clenched smile.

“Stop with the schemes. I'm sick and tired of them,” you said tiredly, giving him a wary glare, “Stop trying to usurp my power and overthrow my position as Queen. It doesn't matter how many mistresses you want to throw at Hyunjin. He will always love me as I will always love him, and even if that doesn't come to be, he will always have respect for me.”

Minho felt his blood boil as he nodded, “Yes...Your Majesty.”

You didn't give him the satisfaction of seeing you smile, moving straight to the most important term.

“You will instate Naeun as the Crown Princess.”

“Are you insane?” Minho snarled, his anger spiking as he spat at you, “The people who supported me in ruling against her will think I've gone mad.”

“Maybe you should've thought twice before deciding on your vote then,” you smiled placidly as you took a step closer towards him.

“You will instate Naeun as the Crown Princess, no conditions, no what ifs. She is the heir. Understood?”

As he gazed into your eyes, each order you have laced with power and unspeakable threat, Minho saw himself in the reflection of your sharp stare. To you, he was nothing but a mere doll for you to manipulate to your own will, a being that could just as easily be discarded as it can be replaced. 

“Yes, Your Majesty,” Minho said again, the hatred in his tone more than apparent.

“I expect the good news to be placed on Hyunjin’s desk tomorrow morning.”

Without another word, another acknowledge or even goodbye, you turned around, walking down the hall and leaving Minho to wallow in his own failure, leaving him to forever berate himself for the missteps he made, the miscalculations that had now put his entire career into the hands of the person he despised most in the kingdom.

“Sounded like things were going well, Your Majesty,” Felix commented nonchalantly as you passed him, the young guard having positioned himself in the adjacent hallway, waiting for any inkling of danger to jump in and protect you. You didn’t fail to notice the way he twirled his knife before slipping it back into its sheathe, obviously having pulled it out when Minho had made a poorly concealed threat regarding your condition.

“Yes, it seems like some good has come out of this ridiculous farce,” you sighed, placing your hand gently over your tummy as you felt the slightest kick against your side. With that conversation, you could only hope that the worst of the nobles’ spite towards you and your blood would soon be over. 

Felix eyed you carefully in the silent walk back to the Royal Chambers, noting both your emotional and physical state, “Are you going to keep this from His Majesty?” He asked, afraid of overstepping his boundaries by prodding too much.

“Eventually, the truth will come out whether I want it to or not,” you said as you entered the private section of the palace, exhaustion laced in your words. Truthfully, if Minho had decided to call your bluff and attacked you earlier, it wouldn’t have been as easy as you’d made him believe it to be. You had your reputation as a powerful general back when you were a princess to thank for how successful your negotiations went.

“Still, I think I’ll keep it a secret...just for tonight,” you confided to Felix tiredly, turning to him with a weary smile, “He’s worried enough already, especially after earlier.”

Felix nodded, and you didn’t need to ask additionally to ensure secrecy. Felix was good about those things. He was a good confidante, and once again, you felt immensely grateful for his presence. 

He gave you a bow, practiced ease and gracefulness exuding from even the simplest of movements as he spoke softly, “Take care of yourself, Your Majesty.”

You couldn’t help but smile, reaching over and gently patting his head, a silent gesture of praise for the young knight who’d done so much for you, “I promise. Now go get some sleep. It’s quite late.”

Felix excused himself politely, and you took a deep breath, heading to the bedroom where your lover was probably waiting anxiously for your return.

.

As you’d expected, Hyunjin was almost beside himself when you walked into the room, his hands freezing from where they were pulling at the roots of his dark hair when he gasped, “Y/N, my love!” He rushed towards you, pulling you into his arms and sweeping you into a tight hug.

“Where have you been? I was worried sick! Changbin said that Felix was with you, so I trusted that nothing was wrong, but you were gone for so long and I thought—”

“Shh, my darling,” you cooed, letting his hands touch you fleetingly everywhere he could, your shoulders, your waist, your tummy, anything to let him know that you were once again safe in his arms.

You smiled, cupping his cheeks as you leaned close, “I’m alright. Everything’s alright. I just needed some air after what happened today, so I took a walk in the gardens. Felix was with me every step of the way.”

Hyunjin let out a sigh of both relief and frustration as he held your hand resting on his cheek, looking into your eyes, “Please don’t scare me like that again,” he whispered, “Not after what happened earlier.”

“Nothing happened, Hyunjin,” you said softly, your thumb lightly brushing his face as you comforted him, “I’m here, aren’t I, safe and sound?”

“Things could’ve turned out so much worse,” he pressed a fleeting kiss to your palm as he held your hand, “I had the liquid inspected. At this very moment, you could’ve been unconscious, fighting for your life, our child...gone,” his voice cracked ever so slightly as he palmed your stomach.

“But it didn’t happen like that,” you reassured him, eyes widening as you saw his own eyes glistening with unshed tears, “Oh, Hyunjin.”

Reaching forward, you wrapped your arms around his waist, burrowing in his chest as Hyunjin easily fell into your embrace, burying his face in your hair as he hugged you tightly. The room filled with the comfortable silence, and your conversation continued without the need for words.

I love you. I want you to be safe. Please don’t do anything dangerous. It was all translated through your touch and the warmth you gained from one another.

Hyunjin’s hugs were warm. They felt like hot chocolate on a cold winter day, like a summer breeze that swept you away. You felt safe just being in his arms, and soon, you let out a quiet yawn, nuzzling into his chest.

“Let me coddle you tonight,” he murmured, sensing you slumping forward in his chest as his fingers lightly massaged your scalp, “I know you don’t like it very much, but just for tonight, can I please take care of you?”

You couldn’t help but smile at his request. As much as Hyunjin liked to be cared for, by you in particular, his favorite hobby was to spoil you in any capacity that he knew how. He loved to lavish you with gifts, shower you with love, and to do every little thing to make you comfortable. You weren’t the person that liked to take advantage of this little trait of his, since you were never one for lavish gift giving nor were you ever given such attention before, but seeing how earnest he was, you decided to compromise, especially after all the worrying Hyunjin had probably gone through just waiting for you to return. 

“Of course,” you nodded, pressing a kiss to his lips, “Let’s get ready for bed.”

Hyunjin was carefully meticulous as he  undid the corset of your party dress, pulled out the pins that held your hair up, and delicately slipped the silk nightgown over your form, all the while trailing kisses wherever he could. You did the same for him, helping him out of his uniform as your lips connected with his.

“I was thinking,” you mumbled absently as Hyunjin kissed you with abandon, his hands nimbly undoing the braids in your hair, “We should go away, just us and Naeun.”

“Oh? Do tell me more,” Hyunjin replied with a soft smile, his lips trailing down to your jaw as you tried your hardest to remember what you were trying to say. What a little brat he was being.

You sucked in a gasp as you rolled your eyes, amused by his antics, “Let’s spend a week at the summer estate. Naeun needs space to run around, and both of us need a breather from our royal duties. You especially.”

Hyunjin groaned at your words, “You’re definitely right about that. But can we afford to leave, with all the chaos going around?” He asked, as he began to usher you to the bed, his arms looping around your legs as he ultimately decided to just carry you.

“H-hyunjin!” You squeaked, surprised by the sudden action as your arms wrapped around his neck. Your husband paid you no mind, carrying you to the bed before placing you down delicately. His eyes met yours and you touched his face, “I’m sure we can make time. We can delegate some of the less important work to some of the council members. If not, we can just work extra hard after to make up for lost time. We all need a break.”

“Your wish is my command, my Queen,” Hyunjin leaned forward, pecking your lips before walking around to crawl under the covers from his side of the bed, “I’ll start planning the details of the trip tomorrow. Deal?”

“Deal,” you smiled, snuggling into the covers and scooting closer to your husband as his hand absently shifted to rest on your tummy.

“It would be good for this little one, too. Just to experience what life outside this stuffy palace is like,” Hyunjin mumbled, his eyes already closing. He was no doubt exhausted from hosting the party and all the preparations before hand.

You felt your cheeks heat up as you giggled. Hyunjin always had a way of bringing the conversation back to the baby, “Yes, it'll be good for them, too,” you agreed softly as your eyes began to close as well. The day had been far too eventful for your liking, and you'd like at least one full night of rest before having to tell Hyunjin about your conversation with Minho.

Suddenly, your ears perked up at the sound of the bedroom door creaking open ever so slightly. Hyunjin reacted instantly, pulling you close as he sat up to see who had come in.

“Papa…? Mama…?”

Naeun’s sleepy voice was soft and almost inaudible, but Hyunjin let out a sigh, relaxing as he could make out the little figure of his daughter standing at the door.

“Naeun, what’s wrong?” He asked gently, beckoning her over to his side of the bed, “It’s way past your bedtime.”

“I-i—” The little girl rubbed her heavy eyes as she waddled over to her father as she began to whimper, “I had a bad dweam, P-papa.”

Hyunjin’s heart and yours simultaneously melted as a silent agreement passed between the two of you. The priority was no longer to get a good night's sleep; it was your daughter’s comfort.

“Oh, petal. Was it scary?” Hyunjin cooed, reaching down and easily picking her up, settling her in the large bed. He placed her right in the middle, and you rolled over to your side so you could gently wipe her tears.

Naeun nodded at his words, her lips curled in a trembling pout, “Scawy. C-couldn’t find Mama—a-and people saying that Papa was gone…” Her lip quivered again and she began to cry just from remembering the awful images that passed through her head.

“Shh, shh. Oh, dear,” Hyunjin quickly grabbed a spare handkerchief on the night stand beside his bed as you sat up, murmuring comforting words as you cupped Naeun's cheeks gently. 

“Naeun, my little princess,” you said softly, looking into her sparkling eyes as large crocodile tears rolled down her cheeks, “Mama and Papa are right here. We'll always be here for you, alright? No matter what happens, your Mama and Papa would never, ever abandon you like that.”

The little girl sniffled as Hyunjin wiped away her tears, smiling fondly, “Your mother said it best, petal. No matter what, we'll be here to support you, protect you, and love you until you've grown sick of our coddling.” 

Hyunjin couldn't help but add in a little teasing, booping her nose as he said, “Even after you grow sick of us, we'll still stick annoyingly close.”

Naeun scrunched her nose as she always did when hyunjin messed with her, and she frowned, “I won't ever get sick of Papa and Mama. Never!”

“Oh, one day, you'll take those words back,” you added playfully as you tickled Naeun's little tummy, making her squeal with delight and effectively drawing the nightmare out of her immediate thoughts. Hyunjin joined in, tag teaming your poor daughter until she was too exhausted to keep her eyes open. 

"Love Papa... Love Mama," Naeun mumbled sleepily as she curled into the warm blankets, beginning to fall asleep. You smiled at her words, pressing a kiss to her hair. 

"Mama and Papa love you more than anything else in the whole world," you reassured her, brushing the stray hairs out of her face, "Get some sleep, little one.  Nothing can hurt you here." 

Naeun mumbled in acknowledgment, and her little hands wrapped around Hyunjin’s pinky, making her father’s heart positively melt, “Papa...sing.”

“Sing?” He repeated, slightly flustered as he shifted to a more comfortable position, making sure that Naeun was still able to hold onto his pinky. 

“Mhm, Papa sing,” Naeun nodded as she curled up into a little ball, bringing Hyunjin's hand to her chest as she began to doze off on her own.

You couldn't help but giggle as you burrowed into the covers as well, wrapping a gentle around your daughter as you smiled up at Hyunjin, “Won't you honor a princess’s request?” You teased.

Hyunjin pouted at you, scrunching his nose much like how Naeun had done only minutes before, “But I'm the king,” he said petulantly, making Naeun giggle at his antics, “I can do whatever I want!”

“Well, your Queen is now requesting a song as well,” you said with an air of playful haughtiness as Naeun and you shared a conspiratorial glance.

“Oh dear,” Hyunjin ran a hand through his hair, “then, I believe I don't have a choice if my Queen and my Princess so insist.”

“You don't!” Naeun chirped in, her eyes twinkling mischievously.

Hyunjin let out a dramatic sigh before propping himself up against the headboard and pulling Naeun into his chest so she could rest comfortably in his arms. He didn't forget you, of course, and laced his fingers with yours as you decided not to move around as much, resting on your side of the bed as you held his hand.

The sound of soft-spoken singing wafted into your ears like a gentle breeze. Hyunjin, albeit not a professional in any way, always had a nice voice. It was the kind of voice that could lull you into relaxation, the kind of voice that soothed your unsettled heart. Before long, your eyes grew too heavy to keep open, and you drifted off to sleep with your hand wrapped around Hyunjin’s.

Hyunjin gazed down at his family as he slowly stopped singing, noticing that the two of you had fallen asleep. Without the prying eyes of the world boring down on him, he could finally drop his guard and his cold exterior to fully admire the two people he loved, the little girl in his arms that he treasured so dearly and you, the love of his life that showed him what it truly meant to have a soulmate, a person to confide in wholeheartedly. 

It was his little personal heaven, just to see the two of you sleeping safe and sound, to lie in bed with both his daughter and his wife just at arm's reach. He savored it as much as he could, squeezing your hand once more before putting down himself, pulling the warm covers higher over Naeun to keep her healthy. And not for the first time, Hyunjin wistfully dreamed of a life where he was not the king, where he could be a simple man, only tasked to provide and love his family. 

Hyunjin knew he would be asking for too much. He knew what the two of you had promised to those that had put their faith in your hands. You'd promised to protect them, to wear the crown and carry the burdens of your kingdom, no matter how bruised, bloodied or battered the journey made you. 

But as he stared down at your peaceful expression, your lips slightly parted and your eyes fluttered shut, he couldn't help but remember the terror he felt just hours before, the all consuming fear that you would disappear from his life. And for the first time, Hyunjin was at a loss, facing a crossroad that—in the naivety of his youth—he never thought he’d encounter.

If he had to choose between you or his country, what would he do? If he had to protect the integrity of his kingdom and sacrifice Naeun, would he be able to do it? Before you came along, Hyunjin cared about nothing but his work, his duty. But now, he had a family that he'd do anything to protect.

At the party, Hyunjin felt anger like he'd never felt before in his life. It was more than fury, it was pure rage. He would've been willing to lock the doors and interrogate every single person present in the banquet hall if you hadn't calmed him down. He didn't want to become a king like that, he didn't want to become a ruler than put his own needs and his family’s needs before everything else. 

But if he lost you, if he lost Naeun, if he lost his unborn child, his whole world would shatter. It was almost terrifying how much the past five years had changed him. 

“Hyunjin,” his eyes flew open as he suddenly felt your thumb brush against the back of your hand. Turning his head, he realized that you had woken up, your eyes gazing at him with a mixture of sympathy and love that Hyunjin wanted to drown in.

“You're thinking too much again,” you murmured sleepily, playing absently with his fingers without jostling Naeun, “At this point, you'll have wrinkles before you're even middle aged.”

The king couldn't help but chuckle at your little quip, pressing a kiss to your hand, “I'm sorry, my love. Did I wake you?”

“No, I woke up on my own,” you reassured him, “But I'm glad I did. What's wrong, darling?”

Hyunjin bit his lip, hesitating for a moment. He shouldn't bother you with his feelings, not when you already had to worry about yourself on top of the baby you were carrying. 

“Hyunjin,” you murmured his name once more, and he felt his body shudder at how sweet, how loving you sounded, “You can tell me anything.” 

It was the only gentle nudge he needed.

“I'm worried about this,” Hyunjin said softly, “Our family. I can't stop worrying. I didn't know about the poison, even though all the food and drinks were inspected. When will it ever be enough?”

You squeezed his hand, “You're putting too much responsibility on yourself. The family’s safety is not your burden to bear alone, it is for us to share.”

Hyunjin nodded, “I know,” he sighed, running a hand through his midnight hair, “I know, Y/N. But I just wish I could do more.”

“You do more than enough for us, darling,” you reassured him, “You do more than any king would do for their families. It's alright, Hyunjin. You're doing so well.”

“I am?” Hyunjin sucked in a breath, placing your hand on his cheek as he closed his eyes, revelling in your words and your presence. 

“You are.”

These were not honey coated words to soothe a monarch and appease his temper. You meant them more than you could ever express. You knew Hyunjin was trying his best. You knew Hyunjin was most likely protecting you from forces that you weren't even aware of, just like the way you'd dealt with Minho just earlier. 

“I found out who did it, by the way,” you mumbled, figuring that this felt like the right time to tell him in hopes that Hyunjin might sleep better knowing that the problem was dealt with.

There was a moment of deathly silence before Hyunjin uttered a single word, "Who?" 

You sighed. Maybe this wasn't the best idea after all, especially since your daughter was soundly sleeping in the space between the both of you, "Promise that you won't do anything rash right now." 

"You're asking me not to do anything rash when I find out who tried to murder my unborn child and harm my wife?" Hyunjin asked in disbelief. 

“I'm asking you not to overreact now while your daughter is sleeping," you hissed back, "I handled it for the time being." 

Hyunjin let out a frustrated sigh, "Alright, you win. You have my word,” he said, lacing his fingers with yours.

You bit your lip, wondering if it would just be easier to be completely honest or to ease into it gently. After a moment of consideration, you decided on the former. 

“It’s Minho.”

Hyunjin reacted without thinking, feeling the rage run through his veins once again as he began to sit up, “That bastard--”

As he shifted aggressively, Naeun whined in her sleep, beginning to squirm. You wrapped your arm around her body as your other hand grabbed Hyunjin’s sleeve, “You promised!”

Hyunjin’s steeled eyes softened as he looked down at the little girl beside him, and he slumped back on the bed, pressed a kiss to her forehead and rubbing her back, helping soothe her back to a deep sleep, “I should’ve gotten rid of him earlier. I knew he disliked your presence, but I thought--I thought he’d be able to see past the differences.”

“As did I,” you admitted, running your fingers gently through Naeun’s hair as her whimpers stopped and slowly went back to soft breaths, “but it seems like he disappointed both of us.” 

The king sighed tiredly, feeling the rest of his fiery hot anger dissipate as he turned to lie on his side, his eyes trained on Naeun as he made sure she was asleep, “You said you handled it. Let me guess, it was when you ‘went for a walk.’” 

“You know me too well,” Flicking his forehead playfully, you couldn’t help but smile, “Yes, we had a quick conversation as I was walking back to the chambers. I don’t believe he will try it again any time soon.”

“I would ask what you told him, but I almost don’t want to know,” Hyunjin said with a hint of a smile as he closed his eyes, “My wife can be very scary when she wants to be.”

You shrugged, stroking his cheek fondly for a moment longer before pulling your hand away and lying back down, “I’m the same as you, Jinnie. Anything to protect this family we’ve created.”

Hyunjin hummed in agreement, his long arm draping over to wrap around both you and Naeun, “Anything. But for now, let’s sleep. Thank you, Y/N.”

“Whatever for?” You asked curiously, unsure of what Hyunjin was thinking about in that little head of his. 

“For being here. For loving me. For everything you do,” he mumbled, already beginning to fall asleep    as his words began to slur. Your heart felt warm and fluttery as you smiled, patting the back of his hand as you mumbled your sleepy reply.

“I’ll always be here for you, Jinnie. You’re not alone anymore.”

Hyunjin cracked a smile at that, and hugged you and Naeun ever so slightly tighter in his arms. You were right. He wasn’t alone anymore. He had you and Naeun, whom he loved with every fiber of his being. He had Changbin and Felix, who were slowly becoming less like guards and more like their surrogate family. 

And for all those reasons, Hwang Hyunjin fell asleep considering himself quite lucky. 

[husbandohunter]

Stardew Impact [Genshin+Stardew Valley/xReader]

Part 1/3 Kaeya, Diluc

Synopsis: “A mysterious phenomenon brought you and your s/o to an unfamiliar world: Pelican Town! Without the power of Visions, the two of you begin to learn the life of what it takes to be...a farmer?”

(DOMESTIC FARM LIFE YIP YIP)

Coming soon...

Albedo and Childe

Zhongli and Xiao

(A/N): So the brainrot was real in this one. I planned to add Albedo for a Mondstadt edition but kinda went overboard so I gotta split this one into parts too. Wordcount_almost 2k spspspsp

______________________________________________________

Diluc

• Already has the whole year planned in his head. Literally if Diluc were to play this game, he'd have a booming farm within year ONE. Calm and collected through and through, though the new environment raises alot of questions, as long as you were still with him, Diluc ain't complaining

• The town welcomes you two with open arms. It was all thanks to the attire. Diluc wore his usual dark coat adorned with regal gold while you had a dress made of Liyue's finest silk, one that he bought for you. Needless to stay both of you reeked the aura of rich aristocrats (Mayor Lewis is pleased that greedy bastard)

• Once the farm was permitted to your owndership, Diluc began to think of ways to turn it into a vineyard. He was a businessman afterall. Although the staff back at the Dawn Winery were the ones who tended the field, Diluc still knew a few things about planting due to his childhood days Master Crepus would bring him out to their yard and demonstrated the process of gardening. He still remembers those days clearly, doing the very same this moment with you.

• Occasionally works at the Saloon bar. It was the perfect opportunity. As you took care of the farm side, Diluc continues to look for more ways to increase the income while gathering information from the folks around town. Gus LOVES to have him over, like he's just so efficient and reliable! They soon become good friends saying if Diluc were ever to own a wine stock, he would gladly buy from him.

• This is why Diluc would stay a little later due to just chatting with the people from the bar. One time you walked into the Saloon only to the front desk with Emily alone. Turns out the others were in the other room, too busy playing a game of pool. You decided to leave him be since it was rare to have Diluc so relaxed in leisure activities. Thus in the end, you spent your time chatting with Emily until a whole hour has passed before your lover notices and apologizes for losing track of time.

• Everything felt like a dream because it was his dream. To live a life undisturbed from chaos, his duties and the dangers that lurk in Teyvat, Diluc grew fond of the domesticity. There was nothing he loved more than to spend his hours by your side, day after day, returning home to your freshly handmade meals.

• Spring: Already up and early planting the parnersnips (I'm very soft for gardener Diluc you see). What do you expect from a workaholic? Even during his leisure time you would often find him near some plant as he does consider this hobby quite therapeutic. But when it rains, Diluc would be standing beside you with an arm around your shoulder, smiling contently as you lean into his touch. He gazes through the dripping window and silently admires the current progress you both made on the farm.

• Between the two annual spring festivities, I would say the flower dance. Diluc is a private man and would prefer to take things where no eyes were on sight. But with a little bit of nudging from Gus (your wingman), he gives in and leads you to the center stage. Elegant. Graceful. The way you two moved together became the talk of the event. Though, Diluc was already used to people staring by now, all he needed to do was to ignore them and keep his focus on you.

• Summer: No blankets in bed. Nope, its bloody hot in Pelican Town. He tends to stay indoors or anywhere with shade, in other words, his work hours in the Saloon increased.

• Diluc always has a nice cold drink prepared for you if by any chance you were to pay a visit after a whole day of labour. It's a habit he's made subconciously as if it would be a natural occurance for you to enter the door. His colleagues would ask him who did he make that drink for? Honestly so cute i cri

• Moments like these remind him of Mondstadt, where he quietly wipes the glasses while listening to you talk. Your voice is soothing. Sun rays peek from the side casting onto the umber tables, reflecting a rich golden light as the radio plays a soft song in the background. It's so peaceful, the town was small hence not many people visited the bar, Diluc came to appreciate this warm privacy (plus no Venti and Kaeya which is a huge pog realization).

• Autumn: Harvest time baby. The kegs are full and the sheds are full of kegs. This season was huge stonks and the house ended up getting an upgrade. Diluc is the type of man who wants to make sure that his spouse wouldn't have to work another day of her life. I reckon this is why he's so ambitious because he wants you to have the best and you deserve the best. (Husband material. Slap a ring on him ladies).

When there was no more work left to do, time would be spend peacefully exploring the woods. While you skipped a few steps ahead as the leaves crunched beneath your feets, Diluc follows slowly from behind. He sees your back but his eyes stares somewhere far beyond whats in front of him: His future. 

It was such a stark contrast to the one he envisioned before. One filled with uncertaintly, blocked by darkness with no silver lining in sight, endlessly wandering as he drags the claymore against the ground. There was never a day in which the Darknight hero wouldn't think of Mondstadt. Leaving the city in the incompetent hands of Ordo Favonious while Abyss Mages continue to lurk fuels him to find a way to return as soon as possible and yet...

"Higher big sis!" Jas tightens her hold on the ropes as you pushed the swing with all your might. She laughs, like a child, it was full of innocence and joy. Later Vincent came in and nugdes you, asking when his turn will come.

"You wanna go too? Alright alright don't worry," waiting for Jas to come down, you lift the boy up so that he was seated safely on the chair, "3..2..1 go!"

He wonders if he could just be a little selfish for once.

• Winter: Best man to have in this season. Every morning Diluc would find himself restricted in movements due to a pair of arms around his waist and legs entangled with yours. Turns out you've been doing it subconciously because he's just so warm (Diluc keeps it lowkey and pretends to sleep longer cuz of it)

~~xx~~

Kaeya

• Haha looks like the portal is gone, guess we'll be stuck forever :)). No kidding Kaeya would be so down to stay here for the rest of his life and the best part is to spend it with you. He doesn't show a shred of concern regarding Teyvat, not like he's easily shaken by events that are abnormal, but you can see that Kaeya is truly and genuinely happy. (You're stunned).

• Oho we also have this marvelous landscape just for the two of us? And a cozy little cabin to go along with it as well? This should be fun~ 

• Of course Kaeya would also know a few things about planting, just the basics since he did grow up with Diluc. When they were kids, Crepus would give each of them their own pots so they can grow their own plants. It eventually became a competitive thing where whoever's plant grows the fastest gets to eat the other person's dessert for a year (no one wins. They end up sabotaging each other which Diluc started first, thinking it'll be funny as a joke).

• You are, and will be going on dates with him. In fact, the amount of dates you two went on increased since then. The townspeople would call you two "lovebirds" since he's practically by your side 24/7. 

• I mean he doesn't have the responsibilities as a Cavalry Captain anymore so what else is there to do?

• Would attend all annual events no matter what season. 

• Evelyn constantly gushes how much of a wonderful pair you and Kaeya make and often is the one who provides Kaeya a fresh bouqet of flowers for him to use as a gift. George on the otherhand just rolled his eyes mumbling something along the lines of "youngsters these days" and "crazy hormones."

• Befriends Pam. Love for beer plus somewhat cynical attitude? They get along real swell! She starts sending some recipes into the mailbox of course saying if yall ever need a hand, let her know.

• Spring: I can see Kaeya be switching back and forth between caring for the farm or taking quests posted on Pierre's bulletin board. He likes to keep things interesting, learning the ways of the new world while also getting to know the people around town.

• Would NOT return Mayor Lewis' shorts in which he found in Marnie's room. It's such high quality blackmail material. Kaeya is currently plotting what is the best way to use it to his advantage.

• He didn't tell you of course.

• Summer: There are no blankets because he is your blanket. Since your cabin was small so was the bed. That's why he has to hold you so that no one falls off when rolling over. Either he hugs you with your nose close to his neck, or your back against his chest while spooning you or holding hands if sleeping on your sides became too much. Yall need a serious house upgrade.

• For some reason Kaeya becomes more energetic in the summer. He lets you rest in the shade while handling the farm work for the time being. If you guys got a pet it would be a cat. Hes the first one to refill their bowl every morning outside.

Another day passes as summer comes to an end, the town’s Mayor invited you and your lover to see the annual Dance Of the Moonlight Jellies. Kaeya being the opportunist was delighted to come along. Locking the door of your house, you follow him down the path and made your way to the beach.

Everyone from town was already gathered by the docks when the sun had disappeared down the horizon. You stood by his side in a space far from the others, watching  the candle boats set off to ride the waves, lighting up a small ray of light for creatures to find. 

“Wow,” your tone almost above a whisper, “If only our friends back home could see this too.”

“Perhaps,” he says. Kaeya slips his fingers into yours and you shot him a curious glance, “But let us enjoy this moment shall we? Just the two of us.”

And there they were. A sea of luminescence radiating colours of brilliant blue with hints of green like a city of laterns floating in a world below. Their image reflects in the star of Kaeya's eyes as he wonders, where would they go? Where would the light lead them? They were so free with nothing to worry, so serene just like the sea and unknowningly, he squeezes your hand. It was a sense for confirmation. One to remind him that this moment was indeed a reality he wishes to keep.

Autumn: Finally a house upgrade and a kitchen!! Because it was harvest season, you guys end up making a set of delicious meals with all the recipes the townspeople gave you. Kaeya can cook since he lived by himself back in Mondstadt. Most of the stuff he learned to make were food that can be accompanied by alcohol though...

• Ahah remember Mayor Lewis' lucky shorts? He found a use for them. It was displayed on the stands during the Stardew Valley Fair (Oh my how did this get here? Must be the wind). Ends up buying a Rarecrow for the farm when Lewis bribes him not to tell this to anyone.

Winter: This was mostly an indoor season for the both of you. With the existence of television, nights would be spent until morning while watching movies at the couch. A blanket drapes around your shoulders as extends to his.  Oh and don't forget the hot chocolate! 

[gay-snom]

contextualizing lwj’s coming to terms with his feelings subplot!

i wanna talk about the role of confucianism in this subplot because i think it’s something some western fans might not pick up on. basically, the sociopolitical climate of confucianism in his character arc, and a little bit about his interaction with the public image theme.

disclaimer: i’m not chinese but i do have a double minor in chinese and asian studies and have written a few papers on confucianism.

we’re gonna be talking about the novel bc i feel its a little more in-depth and nuanced than lwj’s “what is black, what is white” monologue in cql. namely the tension and misunderstanding in wwx’s first life and how lwj got his scars. i feel like it’s pretty well accepted that wwx made lwj reconsider his world view, so i’m just gonna expand on it. also i want to point out it's pretty unspoken in most of the text, but lwj is also affected by/used to explore the public image themes, as his image the is ideal confucian scholar.

confucianism is centered around the ideas of how to behave “good” in sociopolitical contexts. basically it boils down to a belief system on how society should be run. if everyone follows confucian beliefs, you will have an ideal society. the main text is the Analects, which you can read here. it’s been around for a few thousand years (like around 200 BCE ish), had a huge revival in the tang dynasty (618-907 CE). it was put on imperial exams, the emperor’s cabinet had confucian scholars, etc. this is just to say confucian values are important to historic society, especially upper-class scholars, which seems to be a role cultivators commonly fill in xianxia. here are some basic tenants:

being a gentleman/scholar/superior man (君子 jūn zǐ) : partly being learned in the arts, literature, music, poetry, etc., mostly behaving righteously and dutifully.

filial piety: usually described as obedience. it's not simply obeying everything elders tell you, it includes doing it with reverence and thankfulness for their sacrifices for you.

leading by example: if leaders/the government is righteous, the people will follow. lwj has his flock of juniors that are all strong cultivators and the lan sect is just generally known for being moral and good.

rites/rituals: a focus on politeness and holding proper ceremonies, sacrifices, and funerals

speech: there’s some great meta about the register he speaks in here, i just want to touch on think carefully before you speak, only speak sincerely, etc.

tldr; lwj is THE perfect gentleman (even his title contains the character suffix 君 -jūn, like lxc. which, while this character is not uncommon for cultivator titles, it wasn’t chosen carelessly either. also not to be confused with 尊 -zūn). seriously, look at almost all of book 10 and you'll see don't do/consume in excess, don't talk during meals, sit only when your mat is straight, etc.

okay, so Why is understanding his feelings for wwx so troublesome?

1.2 "They are few who, being filial and fraternal, are fond of offending against their superiors. There have been none, who, not liking to offend against their superiors, have been fond of stirring up confusion... Filial piety and fraternal submission! - are they not the root of all benevolent actions?"

in other words, people who are filial will never create political tension. so like, morally, wwx should be considered horrible person! he’s not only snubbed the jiang sect. he was a head disciple who undoubtedly had younger students looking up to him. and then he goes and stirs up some huge political issues! he is now a bad role model for the people below him and disrespected the people above him. lwj has an entire image to uphold, he has poured his entire life into following these rules and beliefs, and then wwx comes along. would continuing to be in wwx's life taint lwj? there are some contradicting teachings in regards to interacting with wwx:

15.4: "Do not take counsel with those who follow a different Way"

15.28: "When the multitude hates a person, you must examine them and judge for yourself. The same holds true for someone whom the multitude love."

15.36 "When it comes to being Good, defer to no one, not even your teacher."

this is part of the reason lwj had so much trouble accepting his feelings. he didn’t know how to handle this situation, making him appear distant during/directly after sunshot. if he judges wwx's intentions to be pure, it's then not wrong to be friendly with him. but wwx still is morally wrong by society's standards. now, lwj has to not only figure out his feelings, but also reconcile this with how he still thinks wwx is Not a bad person, despite everything. what if he does get "tainted" by wwx? will it hurt the reputation of his sect? that would be un-filial, right? he spent his whole life memorizing rules that are probably extremely similar to sections in the Analects, and now these mixed messages (coupled with the relatable gay panic) are overwhelming.

onto the next! there’s something unspoken in the scene where wwx discovers why lwj has the whip scars. as other posts have mentioned, lwj taking wwx back to the burial mounds and nursing him is high treason. however, this action is also extremely un-filial. also his entire image is built around being a perfect gentleman, if this were to get out to the public he would lose absolutely everything. he would be just as irreparable as wwx.

“I was worried if those from another sect found you first, WangJi would be considered your accomplice. The best scenario was his name being forever tainted, and the worst was his life being taken away right then. Thus, along with Uncle, we chose thirty three seniors who had always thought highly of WangJi... ”

there’s no way lwj didn’t know what would happen if he did this. obviously as lxc says, if this got out, he would lose basically his entire face. and even though lxc didn’t mention this, it would definitely lose a lot of face for the lan sect as well since lwj is so prominent. the decision about what elders to bring is also notable.

“...As if he knew all along he would be discovered by us, he said that there was nothing to explain, that this was it. Growing up, he had never talked back to Uncle, not even once. But for you, not only did WangJi talk back to him, he even met with his sword the cultivators from the Gusu Lan sect...”

so yeah, he obviously knew they would come for him and what the consequences would be. and he still talked back! that’s already not a good look for the lan sect. but attacking them? totally unforgivable! lwj gives up how he was raised and the importance of filial piety, what he has held on to until this major plot event. since it's basically the biggest "fuck you" to his uncle and his clan, this was not a decision he made lightly. lwj shows them he cares more about wwx and His Own ideas of right and wrong than the sect’s or society’s.

Wei WuXian dug his hands into his hair, “...I-I didn’t know... I really...”

when was the last time wwx was at a loss for words? wwx spends a few paragraphs after this lamenting how he hurt lwj, but he's not unaware of the gravity of what lwj did. it's an underlying assumption from being raised in the culture. i would argue his first instinct is "oh god he gave up what for me?" since those lamenting paragraphs are after lxc finishes speaking.

"But he said... that he could not say with certainty whether what you did was right or wrong..."

this is something thrown around a lot in the Analects, that not even confucius can say for sure what is right or wrong. what better way to show lwj is still a perfect confucian than have him paraphrase confucius himself?

“...WangJi was a model for the disciples when he was young, and a prominent cultivator when he grew up. In his whole life he had been honest and righteous and immaculate--you were the only mistake he made!”

here’s the confirmation that the world and even his family thinks of him as a perfect gentleman, the top tier of society, and it was all thrown away for wwx. this is just so heavy. the mistake thing? thats not only because lwj is fraternizing with an enemy. lxc and the rest of the sect who knew are terrified this will forever corrupt lwj personally, not just publicly. lwj was so devoted to believing this was the right thing to do he offered up everything he had. the gravity of this decision is insane. it’s very obvious that he loves wwx, it’s just that he struggles a lot internally to accept everything that is happening.

as for helping wwx leave after the massacre, is this gentleman-ly of lwj? was it actually in-line with his image? is it more honorable to save someone who is dying, at the cost of your own health, than to look away? isn't looking away a form of resentment? i wasn't able to find a specific passage about bystander-ness, but personally i think it qualifies as "bad intentions." there is also this passage for what it's worth, originally it was about government suppression:

12.19: "...What do you say to killing the unprincipled for the good of the principled?" Confucius replied, "...why should you use killing at all?..."

lwj is always more actions than words, and he was not fucking around. his core beliefs really haven't changed, and remain very strong throughout his life. he is still righteous enough to accept his punishment, graceful enough to search for wwx's body since there was no one else to do the funeral rites (10.22/10.15), caring enough to take in a-yuan, upright enough to still spend his years going where the chaos is.

just with this one action, the audience knows he has come to terms with realizing that authority isn't always just, and neither is the public opinion/opinion of other gentlemen. he has reconciled. this is him standing for what he believes is right. this is his devotion. this is his own choice. just. poetic cinema...

anyway that's it for my first meta post! i would love to hear your thoughts, feelings, opinions, discussions, other meta ideas, whatever! thank u for reading! <3

[puddingsdiary]

Plotting family members - Part 2

Part 2 for my third fic. For everyone who hasn’t read part 1, you can find it here.

A small warning: At the end I had to rewrite a part with lines from Victor’s latest Valentines SSR, released on CN, because it was simply too perfect. 😢

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Did I promise too much?" Aunt Grace turned her head to the left looking at MC who was laying on the massage table next to her. It was Saturday, the girls day Aunt Grace talked about earlier.

"No. I can't remember when I ever felt soooo good." MC and Aunt Grace were currently enjoying a massage at the spa. A groan slipped out and MC closed her eyes for a few seconds as the masseuse hit a knot in her shoulder muscle and started to dissolve it.

"But I still don't understand why you insisted I should buy that dress." Still eyes closed she made a comment regarding her shopping spoils. Before they ended up at the spa the two women went a bit shopping. At one point Aunt Grace showed her a beautiful dress in a slightly dark reddish purple. Urging MC to try it on. It fit her perfectly, hugging and accentuating her curves just the right amount.

"You like it, don't you?" Aunt Grace was a bit puzzled why MC brought that up now.

"Of course! It makes me feel beautiful." MC opened her eyes again to emphasize her statement.

"There you have it." With a tone that indicated the topic was done for Aunt Grace she gave such an answer.

MC sighed quietly. "I don't know when I should wear something like this."

"My dear, let me tell you something from my vast experience as a woman. You don't need a reason to wear something that makes you feel good. A nice evening at home is as good as some big event with lots of people slurping champagne." There was a slight difference in her voice when she mentioned the evening at home compared to the big event but MC wasn't able to put her finger on what exactly Aunt Grace wanted to tell her with this.

"Somehow it sounds like a waste, to wear it only at home." MC tried to poke for an explanation. Additionally, that dress was expensive. Nothing she couldn't afford now where her company was successful. But she still wasn't used to spending that much money often.

"It's not a waste, you'll see when the time comes. Stop thinking about things in the future for now and relax. This is too good to not enjoy." Aunt Grace still kept her answer mysterious. And since MC couldn't argue back - this visit at the spa was too good to not enjoy - she stayed silent. With that both women enjoyed the remaining time at the spa. After the massage there was a face and cleavage mask waiting for them as well as a manicure and pedicure. Aunt Grace also talked MC into a nail polish matching the dress, at the end she even bought a flask to take home.

They returned to the mansion late afternoon. Victor and his father were in the living room. The TV showed the latest news and the men were discussing something that sounded like investment strategies. Pudding had finally stopped pouting yesterday and lay on the father's lap. Getting some well deserved cuddles.

"I'm back."

"Welcome back. Did Grace not come back with you?" Looking for his sister, Victor's father greeted MC.

"She said she wants to take her spoils home first." Sitting down next to Victor, MC explained the whereabouts of Aunt Grace. Victor gave her a light kiss on her temples as a greeting. He lingered a little bit longer there, taking in a second and third breath.

"Is something?" MC had an inkling on why he did that, but asked anyway.

"No, nothing." He leaned back on the sofa, giving her exactly the answer she expected. MC tried to hide her smile, leaned back and put her head on Victor's shoulder.

"Sorry, I interrupted you. Don't mind me." She referred to the conversation between the two men when she entered, urging them to continue.

"Oh no. We finished. I hope you had a nice day." While answering MC, Victor's father couldn't help but smile at his ever so stiff son who now relaxed against this incredible woman, drawing small circles with his thumb on the back of her hand.

MC told them about her successful shopping trip. As she mentioned the dress, Victor wanted to see it but she just rebuffed him smiling with "Wait and see." Trying to hide how nervous she got thinking about Victor's reaction to it. When she talked about her experience at the spa she was so enthusiastic that Victor made a mental note to himself just in case. 

Sometime during their conversation, which had already strayed from the topic of shopping, Aunt Grace returned and sooner or later the question of dinner had to come up. It was then when MC and Victor were reminded of the still open IOU from New Year's Eve.

"I've made a reservation for seven at Shen's for you two." Victor's father announced so. "The driver will pick you up at 6:40." 

"Take your time and have a nice evening. That's what we ask from you for losing at Mahjong." Aunt Grace added with a wink in MC's direction. MC furrowed her brows in confusion.

What was so casually called Shen's was actually a high class restaurant. On weekends they often had live music and quite a few guests used the open space in front of the small stage as a dance floor. It was difficult to get a reservation on a short notice for a Saturday evening. Knowing this Victor wanted to know "You did make it already after we confirmed our visit, didn't you?"

His father just shrugged his shoulders. "Even if I did. You're not going back on your word." This was something he always admired his son for. He always stayed true to his words. Not many people were able to do that.

Victor sighed because of the scheme of his father and aunt, planning a date for them behind their backs. He took a peek at his watch, it was short after 6. "If we want to make it in time, we should get ready." With those words he rose himself up and moved towards the stairs. He noticed that MC wasn't following. "Do you really think that you will be faster than me?" He asked her in an exaggerated voice, pulling her out of whatever state she was.

"Uhm. Excuse me." Hurriedly she got up and followed Victor to dress up for what obviously would be a date. In her room she suddenly came to a halt a few steps in front of the wardrobe. What should she wear? A hint of panic spread in her heart. She didn't pack anything remotely adequate for a place like Shen's. Biting her lower lip thinking of what to do her eyes got caught at the dark garment bag containing the new dress. Now she couldn't help but laugh. 

A knock at her door let her jolt, she was fighting with the zipper at her back. "It's me. Can I come in?" Breathing out in relief after she heard it was Aunt Grace. "Sure." Was everything MC gave as a reply. The door opened only slightly and the older woman slipped in. "Would you mind lending a hand?" MC had turned her back to the door and motioned towards the stubborn zipper.

"Wait a sec." She heard something being put aside and then felt the woman's warm hands at her back. With ease the zipper was closed. MC turned around, her eyes asking for a comment. Her hair was made into a half up-do and because she felt like it the make-up was slightly more what she usually wore. Modest smoky eyes and a glossy dark red lipstick. "Beautiful!" Was the assessment of Aunt Grace. "But there is a tiny bit missing. Turn around once more." 

Not knowing what the older woman meant, MC turned around as asked for, with confusion on her face. She heard rustling behind her and suddenly something cool touched her skin near the collarbone. When she looked down she saw a delicate pearl necklace. Before she could say anything an explanation came from the person behind her. 

"I thought you wouldn't have adequate jewelry with you so I'll lend this to you." She then moved around MC looking up and down her body nodding with satisfaction. She then held up a small case with matching earrings. "You want to put them on on your own?" 

MC put on the earrings and moved in front of the full length mirror to look at herself. Baffled with what she saw she couldn't help but smile, eyes gleaming with expectations for the evening.

Victor was waiting in the entrance hall. While he didn't actually plan on going to such a restaurant his suits and suit shirts combined in the right way were more than sufficient. So he went with the classic black and white. His father lent him a black bowtie. The car had arrived seconds ago and of course MC wasn't down yet. Victor put on his coat, leaving it open for now holding MC's in his hands. The second he wanted to shout at her to hurry, MC appeared at the top of the stairs. Rendering him speechless. He didn't know the dress she wore, it had to be the one she bought today, but he couldn't have chosen better. He blinked twice as she arrived down stairs. It was only then that his brain started to work properly again. 

"You're late." He said trying to sound like his usual cool self, holding up the coat to help her in. He then straightened the collar and leaned closer adding quietly "But it was worth the wait. You look gorgeous." So close to her ear and neck Victor noticed she didn't use any additional perfume. Just the subtle scent - a very alluring mix of Camellia, her own fresh and sweet scent and something more earthy he wasn't able to identify - he already knew from the time she returned from her trip to the city. He forced himself to step back, closed his own coat and went for the front door. MC’s cheeks flushed at his compliment.

"Have fun, you two!" With those words Aunt Grace said goodbye to MC and Victor as she watched them getting into the car. She went back inside only to be greeted by her brother with a hand held high. "Did you see his face?" She asked while giving the high five, giggling like a young girl.

"Oh, yeah. I don't think I've ever seen Victor making such a smitten face." For a second he wished his wife could have seen it. 

"Did you give it to him?" She followed her brother deeper into the house but did not specify what it was. He understood her, nevertheless.

"Yesterday, already. He wasn't even surprised. After we talked a bit he confessed that would have asked me for it." Recalling the private conversation he had with his son, Victor's father sighed. Conversations like that had always been rare between those two, and he called himself partly responsible that Victor wasn't a man who showed emotions easily.

"Oh did he? Even better then." Victor's aunt smiled brilliantly at the prospect of what might happen tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the restaurant a doorman opened the door for them. Inside Victor's hand never left its spot on her back. The receptionist asked for their reservation.

"A reservation for Li." Victor gave a curt answer.

"For two?" After getting Victor's confirmation he waved over a waiter. "Mr. Wang is your personal waiter for tonight. Don't hesitate to ask him whatever you want." 

"Good evening. I'm Mr. Wang. Please follow me." The waiter led them deeper into the restaurant. The table they arrived at was one of the more secluded one. They were still able to enjoy the live music. After they handed over their coats to Mr. Wang Victor helped MC to get seated just like the gentleman he was.

The waiter took their coats away, then returned with the menu. Handing it over to MC and Victor he took the order for drinks from them.

After the waiter left Victor looked at MC with a stern gaze.

"Only one, and take it slow."

Smiling brilliantly because he had ordered her a glass of wine without her saying anything MC nodded solemnly. 

"Thank you Victor."

Seeing that smile, Victor could only chuckle helplessly.

"Dummy."

During dinner, MC had scallops and monkfish filet with brown rice and fennel while Victor opted for filet steak with rosemary potatoes and Romanesco, they had a pleasant conversation about this and that. Victor made her laugh with a story about Pudding, how he went after Mary earlier that day, trying to catch the feather duster she used to clean the house. All the time there was an emotion in his dark eyes, partially hidden behind tenderness and love, she had never seen before.

"What's wrong, Victor?" The plates had been removed, MC played with the wine glass in her hand, uneasy how to approach the topic. She wanted to know what this was in his eyes.

"Why are you asking all of a sudden?" Victor frowned at her sudden antic.

"There's something on your mind since we came here." She lifted her gaze from her hands up to him. Looking for a hint. But now all she could see was surprise.

Victor raised his eyebrows in reaction to her remark. She was right, but he thought he had hidden it well enough. Obviously he failed in front of the one woman who knew him better than anyone else. He picked up her left hand, brought it to his lips, placing slight kisses on her knuckles.

"I was thinking, if this beautiful young lady here, might be willing to share a dance with me." 

Not ready yet to address the actual topic, Victor chose to cover it up. Never losing eye contact he saw her cheeks blushing and an even more tender smile tugged at his lips.

"If it's with you, always!" MC could feel her cheeks burning.They joined another couple on the dance floor but soon enough the only thing they could see and hear was themselves and the music as they twirled across the dance floor. Always as close as possible to each other, Victor had another opportunity to bask in her subtle scent, which proved to be able to drive him crazy. After two songs, they returned to their table. It was then when the dessert was served and she was glad for the strawberry sherbet to help her cool down.

"You still owe me an answer to my question." Savoring her dessert, MC pointed her spoon at Victor.

"I didn't?" Being caught off guard, Victor tried to hide this fact behind his glass with Brandy. And at the same time he berated himself for his action.

"No, you tried to distract me. Successfully I admit. A Victor Li doesn't need to think about how to ask me for a dance. Especially not for half the evening." 

Victor suppressed a sigh at MC driving her point straight home.

"Today someone is pretty confident." He eased back in his chair with a rather smug smile. The now empty glass placed on the table out of the way he put his hands on his lap. Victor had finally made up his mind or rather scolded himself enough for acting like a coward. There was nothing to be afraid of, he was confident in how this evening would end.

"It's the steady influence of a certain CEO." Was all she said, waiting for him to continue. The way he carried himself now told her he had not finished yet.

"You are so fond of games. If you really wanna know, let's play a short round of Truth or Dare. You can choose each one only once. Which one first?" While speaking, Victor slid one hand into his pocket.

"Victor playing a game voluntarily?" MC was astounded by Victor's acting.

"It's the steady influence of a certain Dummy." Only to get her own words thrown back at her. She stifled a laugh. 

"Then I'll start with Truth."

"Are you sober?" The intensity of Victor's gaze made her swallow.

"Of course I am." She pointed at her glass which she barely had touched. Not because the wine wasn't delicious, more so because she didn't want to ruin a perfect evening with a foggy brain. "Your turn."

"Also Truth."

"What's on your mind this evening?"

"Allow me to combine my answer with your remaining Dare." He paused speaking, leaned into the table to be closer to her and placed a small black velvet box in front of her. "MC, do you dare to marry me?"

Seeing the box, MC's eyes went wide. Her hands moved on their own towards it, only to be captured by Victor. Then his question with a voice strong and soft at the same time felt in her ears. The warmth of his hands told her she wasn't dreaming and so she showed him the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

"Allow me to combine my answer with your remaining Dare." This game could be played by both sides. "Victor, dare you stay by my side through all the trivial and mundane events life has to offer for the rest of your life?"

They both answered afterwards in unison.

"I do."

Inside the velvet box was a delicate bicolored ring. A diamond on a gold band, not overly big but definitely not small either, was flanked by a ruby on each side. Each ruby formed the center of a rose made of red gold. Carefully, he put it on her finger. The ring fit perfectly.

Finally he left his chair, two steps and he was by her side to scoop her up into his arms. MC wanted to protest when she realized the sudden silence. The only things she could hear were her heartbeat and their breaths before she melted into his kiss.

When they were driving home Victor made a comment which startled MC.

"Now we only need to make sure that dad and aunt don't start scheming our wedding."

"What do you mean by that?"

"They plotted this whole evening." He started to explain. "As I mentioned earlier, you don't get a reservation on a short notice here. Dad must have made it as soon as we confirmed our visit or even earlier. That we lost at Mahjong only played into their hands. So it was easy for them to get us here. They couldn't say anything so of course you wouldn't bring any dress."

"That's what the shopping tour was for, among other things." Thinking about what Victor just said, the pieces fell into place. MC also remembered a remark Aunt Grace had made when she mentioned the spa the first time during their call several days prior. "Same goes for the visit at the spa." But one thing bothered her. Looking at their entwined fingers with the ring on her hand she couldn't help but ask. "What about the ring? They couldn't plan for this, could they?"

Victor lifted their hands as if to get a better look then he looked at her. 

"It's my mother's." The simple answer made her hold her breath, looking again at the ring. "Dad gave it to me yesterday. Coincidentally I wanted to ask him for it anyway. I hadn’t yet planned when to finally ask, so today was as good as any day." Victor continued with a helpless chuckle.

"But I have one question." He pulled her closer, his hot breath tingling her ear. "What did they do to you at this spa?" Nibbling and planting feather light kisses on her earlobe. "You smell so good."

Shivers ran down her spine.

"They call it aromatic massage. It should help with the mood similar to incense you burn." She tried to give the answer with a steady voice, it wasn't easy.

"So you're saying you smell like that all over?" His voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper.

"Yes…" She gave the affirmative with a small moan in her voice. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not long ago the grandfather clock had struck ten when the front door opened. The two inhabitants of the Li household left behind enjoyed a leisurely evening in the dimly lit living room. Both looked up from their respective activities at the sounds from the entrance. They could hear cloth rustling and then a female voice quietly squealing. 

"Victor…!"

"Didn't I say to be quiet, Mrs Soon-to-be Li?" Followed by those purposeful footsteps going upstairs which were so typical for his son. MC gave an answer that wasn't understandable in the living room. The sound of a single closing door reverberated down to the ground floor soon after. It was then when Victory's father looked at the cat next to him. Smiling as if they both were conspirators.

"That went better than I thought."

[words-writ-in-starlight]

day 3: "insults"

Zetian came back to their chambers an hour earlier than she was supposed to, and the black-winged line of her lashes couldn’t quite hide the red rims beneath. She was sitting stiff and straight in her wheelchair, the way that Yizhi had learned to read as a kind of pain, like an arm tensed thoughtlessly to protect a bruise. And—he noticed it with some alarm—her golden robes, laid carefully out over her legs with his own hands, were spotted here and there with blood. There was some on her knuckles, spotting her right sleeve, and she held her hand delicately in her lap, as if it hurt her.

“Zetian?” he was already asking, concerned, as the door swung shut behind her. “Are you all right? Did something happen?”

“I’m fine,” Zetian said, and buried her face in her hands.

Yizhi crossed the room in a rush, and knelt in front of her, so that he could look up at her face and her hands. One, her right hand, was bruised, two of the knuckles split, as if she had punched something with enough force to break skin. He didn’t think she was crying, but her hands trembled, just faintly, as she lifted them, briefly, and closed her fists against her face.

“Zetian,” Yizhi said again, reaching up toward her hands. He caught her right hand in both of his, avoiding the worst of the bruising, and tried to gently pull it down. She resisted for a moment, then caved, all at once, letting her fist fall open so that Yizhi could rest her palm on his and get a look at the damage. “Zetian. What happened? Did someone do this to you?”

“No,” Zetian said, voice very flat. Her eyes were closed, and her left hand was pressing against the crease between her brows without regard for the formal makeup on her face. She had been due to give a speech this morning, and it had gone off without a hitch, his steel-eyed Empress the perfect combination of untouchable magnificence and cold, mortal ruthlessness. Yizhi had kissed her hands and told her as much, and she had scoffed, pinched his arm, and told him to go do his job instead of doting on her like the protagonist in some saccharine romance. He had chuckled, and she had smiled, and they had parted ways with one more affectionate kiss to her knuckles. She had seemed—not fine, she hadn’t been fine in a while, but she had been clear-eyed and sure. That had been maybe six hours ago.

“Come with me,” Yizhi said, standing slowly and keeping a light hold of her hand, cradled in his palms like a wounded thing. “I’ll wash your hand off, and we can get you into some clean clothes, okay?”

Zetian opened her eyes, staring at their joined hands like she wasn’t seeing them, and reached out with her left hand to touch her split knuckles, investigating. Yizhi closed his hands over her injured right, frowning protectively, and Zetian pulled back, blinking at the half-dried blood on her fingertips.

“I punched a wall,” she said neutrally.

Yizhi blinked himself, twice, and then said, just as neutral, “Okay.”

She was fingering at the blood on her right sleeve, now. There was some paint coming off her hand onto the fabric, the vermillion of her huadian smudged on her forehead and the heel of her thumb. She didn’t seem to notice, absorbed in the act of rubbing the gold, heavily embroidered silk between her fingers.

“Zetian,” Yizhi repeated, softly, and crouched back down so that he could look up into her face again. “Please, tell me what happened.”

Zetian took a breath, a long, shuddering thing, and let it out in a weary gust.

“I—was trying to avoid—people for a little while,” she said, halting. “So I was in—the study. The big window, with the curtain.”

Yizhi nodded. He knew the one she meant—there was a deep window ledge, made up with cushions and a blanket, so that someone might sit there comfortably for a while. If that person was, say, an Empress in need of a moment to herself, the curtain could be closed to mostly conceal the window ledge and the person inside.

“I heard a pair of maids come in. I should have told them I was there, but I didn’t want to deal with the—everything.” Zetian made a communicative gesture to indicate the nervous prostrations and scraping that most of the servants directed toward her. She unapologetically relished the same behavior from the more insufferable upper class, but it made her uneasy to face it from those who had once been her peers. “So I stayed quiet. I left my wheelchair at the desk. I don’t think—I guess they thought it was supposed to be there.”

She paused there, tongue touching her front teeth, breathing. Her gaze was fixed on some nowhere place over Yizhi’s shoulder, and the lines of her face were hard, angry, but also oddly uncertain. Yizhi didn’t move, just waited, holding onto her injured hand.

After a moment, Zetian stirred again, and said, “I heard them—talking. About…”

She didn’t finish, but then, she didn’t need to.

Yizhi had loved Zetian for a long time, now that he let himself think about it. He had thought, somewhat ashamed of himself for his favoritism, that losing anyone else would be easy, as long as she was with him.

It had not been easy.

They didn’t dare to say his name during daylight hours, unsure of how the raw wound would show itself, too afraid to let anyone else see the depth of their loss. They were both as defensive as lost children, unwilling to let an outsider even look at their hurts, let alone try to touch them. Instead, Zetian and Yizhi curled together and talked in whispers, in the dark, and hid their bloody hearts in each other’s hands.

“Oh,” Yizhi said, quietly. “They—what did they say?”

Zetian’s eyes snapped to his, and all the confused distance was gone, leaving a flame that burned white in its place. Her meridians stirred, he could feel them through his touch at her wrist, and the simple spirit metal headpiece she wore in daily business glimmered as if it was under a brilliant light.

“They said,” she said, a deadly hiss, “that the best thing he ever did was die. They said that he had nothing worth living for. They said,” she went on, voice getting louder, “that he was a murderer, and an animal, and a stupid one at that, too stupid to run for his life. They said that he—he probably raped all his concubine pilots, and they must have been grateful to die just to get away from him, and that I abandoned him to die in the Bird, and that I was right. They said that I was a hero for leaving him behind!”

Zetian was shouting now, almost screaming, throat raw and eyes red and running with the force of her anger. She had reversed Yizhi’s grip on her right hand, and now she was clutching him so tightly it hurt, grinding the bones together, while her left hand was clawed in the cloth of her robe, twisted, knuckles standing out pale against her skin.

“They said that I haven’t held a funeral for him because he didn’t deserve to be remembered—that he killed his whole family and he should have just—”

She stopped, choking on her words, as if she was forcing them out through a stranglehold. Then she spat, “They said that he should have just let the army shoot him, and then all his concubine pilots would still be alive, and we’d all be a lot better off.”

Zetian was shaking, her whole body vibrating under Yizhi’s grip, so that she looked almost like he had, shuddering while his system fought to survive withdrawal. She was crying properly now, ragged sobs of rage and grief, and that awful look of lost, helpless confusion was back beneath it all, and Yizhi—

Yizhi didn’t know what to do to make her feel better, because he was feeling a sudden upswell of sympathy for Zetian’s decision to punch a wall.

He wanted to punch a wall, too. Or, even better, he wanted to go down to the security office and demand every surveillance video from the entire building, and go over them with a fine-toothed comb to find everyone who had ever spoken a single one of those thoughts aloud. Then he could deliver them all up to Zetian on a silver platter, and maybe that would make the glaring emptiness, where they had all-too-quickly come to depend on another person, less painful.

“We haven’t held a funeral because we don’t know he’s dead,” Yizhi finally said. His voice was weak, fragile-sounding, and he realized when he spoke that he was crying too. Not Zetian’s wracking sobs, but a steady trickle that dripped from his jaw and clogged his throat.

“I told him that!” Zetian said, the words torn out of her chest. She was curled over in her chair, clinging to Yizhi like he was the last hope of rescue after a shipwreck, and crying almost into her knees, hand pressed over her mouth. “I said that right to his face, I said that he should have just taken a bullet rather than let them force him into piloting! I said—I said he had nothing worth living for, and those girls had everything, and he should have died rather than—and he agreed with me! He agreed with me, and then he—and then—”

Yizhi gave up on grace and pulled Zetian bodily out of her chair, into his lap on the floor. He wasn’t big enough for it to be comfortable, for either of them—his shoulders too narrow, his limbs too delicate—but she didn’t hesitate to follow his lead. She pressed her face into his shoulder and he fisted one hand in her robes, and felt her take a great shuddering gasp of air, every fiber taut and shivering with emotion.

“I told him,” she said into his robes, as if confessing a capital crime, “that if he was going to rape me, he should at least be honest about it. I didn’t say it like that, but he knew—he knew.”

Yizhi closed his eyes, resting his cheek on her hair, and felt his own breathing hitch. Zetian kept talking, like she couldn’t stop the flow of words now that she had started.

“What if he—what if he thought I still thought of him like that? What if he saved me because he thought—he thought that he was worthless, or a monster, or that we’d be better off? What if—”

“Stop,” Yizhi said, barely a whisper. He wasn’t even sure Zetian could hear him, over her own voice, her own guilt. But she stopped, and just sat and shivered in his arms.

Yizhi took a moment to breathe, her headpiece digging into his temple as he tried to find words.

“He saved us,” Yizhi finally said, slow and careful, “because he wanted us to live. Because he loved us. We can’t—it’s not fair to him, to spend all our time trying to decide if he loved us because he hated himself. That won’t—it won’t help us. And it won’t help him.”

“I was so awful to him,” Zetian said.

“Well,” Yizhi said, managing a brittle laugh through his tears, “sometimes you’re awful. Sometimes he was too. And me, every now and then. What matters is that we try to fix it.”

Yizhi shifted his weight, and carefully lowered both of them down onto the carpet, curled up on their sides, face-to-face. Zetian’s makeup was ruined, her blotchy flush showing through, and he was sure he didn’t look much better. He thought, for a moment, about how they had slept curled up like this the night before the attack on Zhou province. But then, they had been framing another body between them, hands lightly linked over his abdomen, his hands touching them hesitantly every once in a while, anxiously, as if he thought they might disappear.

Now, in the Empress’ quarters, they laid there together on the floor. The light outside the window began to darken, and Zetian’s tears dried, leaving her makeup smeared in ghoulish streaks down her face, and Yizhi kept holding her injured right hand to his chest.

Yizhi didn’t know how long they had been laying there when Zetian spoke, quietly, her voice clear and her eyes closed.

“I miss him.”

“Me too,” Yizhi whispered.

“I want to find those maids and kill them.”

“Me too.”

“We probably shouldn’t do that.”

“No. I could have them reprimanded, though.”

“Do that.”

“Okay,” Yizhi said, and bent his head to kiss the tips of her fingers. “If you let me clean your hand.”

“Okay,” Zetian said. “In a little while.”