#about the existence of the Day of the Doctor

[pastadoughie]

i dont know how to say it or what to even do at this point

i am in an abusive housing situation. witch isnt really new info nor something i talk about often. i have learned to deal w/ shit on my own overtime, aswell as my situation getting slightly better with my distancing from certain family members. but its still bad.

my mother & my brother are both extremely abusive, my brother is phisically abusive, and my mother is a pedophile. they are the only other familial ties i have aside from my dad, and they obviously arent viable and would be worse for me.

my dad is my best option in terms of family and the only person i live with currently. when hes drunk he can be actively cruel & abusive, regularly threatening sexual abuse via forfeiting custody of me to my mother. but im still semi able to reason with him while he isnt drunk. most the times hes simply neglectful, witch is preferable to the alternative atleast. & can somewhat be manipulated into caring about me, or at the very least signing & agreeing to things if i do all of the other legwork

i have a disability of some sort, i have alot of theories but overall doctors refuse to properly test me. i smoke so, they just blame every single issue i have on that & dont listen to ANY of my concerns. somewhat similar to pots in terms of symtoms. i just call it "the slop", this sortof sludge that clouds all my thoughts and everything i do. when it gets bad i cant move properly, often knocking things over, completely losing my train of thought. it can be really hard to have conversations with me, i spend alot of time being silent, keep repeating the same simple few words, dont really listen properly. i can sometimes spend hours just staring off into space. it gets better when im laying down, but sometimes not even that helps. it takes a certain kind of determination to get literally anything done. witch is really hard given my lack of any kind of support.

if i am not extremely ontop of things, if i cant force myself to do things through the slop, then i end up getting into these sludge spirals. i dont eat. i dont drink. i just lay in bed. you get so dizzy and your mouth gets so dry, and so hungry, and the slop is just unbarable. not even really existing as a person, sleeping 18 hours a day, sort of halfheartedly & extremely badly trying to do basic tasks, like eating or drinking, and then after 4 hours i just. go back to sleep. its unbarable & dehumanizing. & its not like i have anybody that can help me. i explain this to people and then they always make suggestions on how to manage it that requires another person to help, and then they never listen when i say i do not have anybody.

i need to get some kind of treatment and i need to get some kind of testing, but doing so requires so much work so many phone calls so much effort that i HAVE to do on my own, that i just. dont have the energy for. its not that im intellectually or phisically incapable i just, im just always in slop. its just always a barrier i have to work around. and the fact that just. the entire fucking medical system is so rotten to the core w/ incompetance & malice twards queer and disabled people means that its just.. so hard to get anything done at all for treatment.

and beyond the fact i have to get meds, i also really need to work on moving out. while i dont think my dad would realistically kick me out until im 18, as that would require actually doing paperwork. i dont trust him to be nice to me beyond that point.

and incase i need to say this to some sheltered fuck who does not understand this. no i cannot go to dcs. i have dealt with dcs my entire life. dcs is not an organization made to help people. it never HAS been. any good they do is incedental. they are at their core a government organization that is supposed to sound good. they do not help children. my tharapist submitted a dcs report about my brother trying to kill me back in december, and i had a dcs worker come to my door and start defending pedophilia to me. every single encounter i have had with dcs has eaither done nothing or actively been harmful to me in having a dcs worker actively encorage my families various abusive behavior.

in summery, i need some kind of help figuring out a way to. deal with everything. ideally something that would help me with practical stuff like medical paperwork, scedualling appointments, that stuff. ideally focused on & or primarily targeted to queer autists in the 16 to mid 20s range of ages. and also that is within arizona. most of the stuff ive been reccomending is stuff like housing and independant living programs, witch while helpful what im looking for is primarily medical help & that is centered around more chronic issues & disabilities that like, need more testing & such to be diagnosed, and not really in the vein of teaching me how to do appointments & such, i know how. i just. am not super good at functioning in general.

dont dm me saying "oh im always here if u wanna talk!!" thats weird. i dont know you.

[transmutationisms]

very briefly, im going to go to medical school to become a plastic surgeon in gender surgeries (i know how important these operations are to people and want to provide them) but i dislike the idea of having so much authority and power over people. i dislike the philosophy a lot of doctors go by where they are the all-knowing savior in people's lives (which allows abuse, medical misogyny, etc). is there any other way to think about this or anything to do to prevent this -- not "not being a misogynist" because i don't think i am but anything you can come up with or have to say

and thank you for sharing the fundraisers and boosting them it is very helpful

i don't think it's categorically impossible to be a doctor who treats your patients with respect (people navigate interpersonal relationships across power imbalances every day) but you do need to recognise that 1) your power as a physician doesn't come from individually having a paternalistic attitude but from the protected social and legal position of medicine and 2) the way you want to practice medicine is explicitly counter to the prevailing professional norms as well as to much of the training and education you will receive.

i don't think these things mean that one shouldn't become a surgeon (i for one am extremely glad plastic surgery exists, & glad when someone wants to learn how to perform it) but they do mean that you need to prepare yourself to train and practice in a system that not only does not share your perspective but is hostile to it. ultimately this is a tension that can't and won't be resolved until medicine is no longer being practiced in a capitalist context with its attendant ableism, racism, misogyny, &c. i don't think that awareness of this function of medicine is sufficient, on its own, to ensure you are practicing in your patients' best interest---but i would say it's a necessary first step.

[slaymitchabernathy]

Keeping Track

Coriolanus drags his finger to the bottom of the page that sits in front of him. The page that bores every single thing he has to pay for this month.

Because today is the last day of the month.

And on the last day of the month, bills are sent out and taxes are to be collected. So every month, Coriolanus tallies up all the expenses that he and his family have racked up.

There are obvious expenses, such as rent for their penthouse apartment, the water bill, the heating bill and the electric bill. Other things such as paying their staff are also to be expected. They also have a gardener who tends to the roses on the penthouse roof.

Other things like doctors visits, trips to the groomer for Petunia, and school fundraisers are also listed and ticked off the list.

But then the fun begins. Coriolanus gets the immense pleasure of going over every single thing his wife has purchased over the month. Had he not gone through the struggles of poverty after the war, he’s sure that he’d throw all caution to the wind and simply pay for everything without double checking. But because he knows what it’s like to be scrapping for coins to make his payments, he goes over every little thing.

No matter how tedious.

He stares down at the page that was sent in the mail, at the number listed at the very bottom, written in black ink is the total amount of money the Snow family owes.

And it’s a bit higher than usual.

A soft knock on the door to his study causes him to snap back into reality and he grunts, “Come in.”

The heavy wooden door swings open and he looks up to see his wife dressed in a very beautiful looking nightgown.

This one is white, silk with lace detailing.

Her hair is parted down the middle, cascading down her back and he can smell the vanilla from here.

“Must we go over this every month?” Soarynn asks with a sigh, closing the door behind her.

Coriolanus grins, “It’s a necessary evil darling. Are the children asleep?”

Soarynn nods, brushing her hair behind her ears, “They are. But I thought of a different way we might spend our evening instead of going over these dreadful expenses.”

Coriolanus leans back in his chair, spreading out his legs, “I’m all ears.”

Soarynn looks him up and down, her eyes lingering below his belt for a little too long to be mistaken as innocent. Over the years he’s learned that his wife had a certain fire that burns inside of her. And he loves to watch it roar to life in the bedroom.

“I thought you might come to bed,” she says, her voice breathy and seductive. She’s practically eye fucking him. Coriolanus chuckles and shakes his head, “Nice try. We have to go over these things my love. Now have a seat so we can get started.”

Soarynn frowns, looking over at the armchair that sits across from him on the other side of his desk, “I can’t sit with you?”

Normally Coriolanus would feel like a fool to deny her of such a thing. To make her sit anywhere but his lap is a mistake. But he’ll be a bigger fool if he allowed her to wiggle under his skin tonight in hopes of distracting him. He’s got to stay strong.

“No because then you’ll try to seduce me,” he nods at her risqué outfit, “I assure you that the seat I have offered is very comfortable.”

Soarynn scoffs but makes her way to the other side of the desk, sitting down with a huff while crossing her arms, “Let’s get this over with.”

“A wonderful idea darling.”

Coriolanus pulls out one of his many little notebooks he keeps for things like this and opens it to the most recent entry where he’s kept thorough track of every purchase made this month. Not that he doesn’t trust the Capitol records to be correct, but he feels much better about making his payments if he also keeps a record.

So every month, he pays a visit to the bank and walks up to the teller who hands over the Snow family’s bank statement.

Also known as the bane of Soarynn’s existence.

His darling wife loves to spend his money and he loves to watch her do it, but forcing her to take part in this little monthly ritual keeps her in line, keeps her reminded of who really pays the bills and pulls the strings.

He doesn’t think she’d ever run him dry, but this monthly overview is always a good way to keep her on her toes.

“Let’s see, our grocery bill was higher than usual.”

“Well, we hosted three dinner parties this month so that’s to be expected.”

Coriolanus nods, checking it off his list.

“We wrote a check to the Academy on the fourteenth, what did we buy this time?”

He looks up to find Soarynn actually in deep thought for once, trying to remember what she paid for.

“We bought the girls new skirts,” she says, “Ceraphina outgrew her old ones and Celeste…”

“Needs to be just like her big sister,” he finishes her sentence, marking it off. His youngest daughter Celeste has a habit of always wanting to be included, a trait Soarynn claims he gave to her. So when her big sister gets something, she gets something too.

“I see several large purchases at various departments stores,” he reads, cross checking with the bank statement to confirm, “one of the stores being a lingerie boutique.”

Soarynn gives him a smug look, “Well you have a habit of ripping my panties off of me, so I have to restock every once in a while.”

Coriolanus swallows, his eyes traveling down to her breasts for a moment before nodding, “Well let’s keep it to ‘every once in a while’ then shall we?”

Soarynn hums and gives him a look that means no good but he’s got to get through this list before she jumps him.

“I see that you also did some back to school shopping for the children,” he notes, “which is funny since they wear uniforms.”

Soarynn raises her eyebrows, rarely does he ever push back on purchases made for the children but this is a bit much since two of their three children attend school five days a week and wear the mandatory uniforms.

“The children should feel confident when they go to school. And the girls need things like shoes, bows for their hair, jewelry. Maybe you don’t understand it since you’re a man.”

Coriolanus scoffs and gives her a look, “I think you’re pushing it a bit.”

“I think you’re pushing me a bit,” she shoots back.

It’s a stand off but Coriolanus always wins. Soarynn can be feisty when she wants to be, but she’ll always be the more submissive one in the relationship, keeping the peace.

“As the head of this household, I’m allowed to push you once in a blue moon,” he reminds her. Coriolanus has worked hard to ensure that his wife and children have only known a life of luxury. He wakes up far too early and comes home far too late to be given this type of attitude.

Soarynn sits back in her chair, her stare lethal but her body langue relaxed, “What’s next on your little list?” She can make fun of his list all she wants, but Coriolanus knows how vital it is to make sure they stay afloat.

“Let’s see, oh, more of your expenses. Imagine my surprise. You made a large purchase from your dress maker on the twentieth, or did she just punch in the numbers incorrectly?”

Soarynn tilts her head, a more placid expression now on her face, “She didn’t mess up the numbers,” she says sweetly, “but you told me to get myself some new dresses for the upcoming season, remember darling?”

His words get stuck in his throat for a moment, “Yes I do. Good to see it all worked out.”

Coriolanus scans the rest of his list, the rest of the expenses being from things he bought and he sure as hell isn’t going to bring those up.

Coriolanus closes his book, tossing it back into the drawer he fished it out from, “There. We’re already done. Was that so hard?”

Soarynn nods, “Yes. Yes it was. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take a nice, long shower.”

Coriolanus watches her stand up slowly, her dress riding up her thighs for a moment, letting him see that she’s not wearing any panties that little tease.

“Have fun with your paperwork,” she purrs while crossing the room, smirking at his slacked jaw when she opens the door.

Coriolanus keeps track of many things in his life. His work load. The children’s school schedule. His family’s expenses.

But his favorite thing to keep track of?

How many fucking orgasms he can give his wife.

| tumblr oneshot/drabble |

[sailforvalinor]

Seeing your post got me thinking. How did you feel about Ten's ending? Especially the fact that he "didn't want to go". That hit me rather hard when I first watched Ten's ending. It was rather unlike Five's for instance where he accepted his fate. I forget in what order I watched it, I think I watched Five's story after, but I digress. I don't know, it felt so human to me, and raw and David Tennant delivered it flawlessly. So I wondered your thoughts on it.

I loved it. I loved it I loved it I loved it. I was a bit too emotional at the time to post anything coherent about it, but…yeah. If it tells you anything, my dad cried—and he’s seen it at least three times before 😂.

Here’s the thing about the “I don’t want to go” line: Series 1 and 2 is a positive character arc for the Doctor. At the beginning of Series 1, he is at his lowest, the Time War having just occurred. He is angry, closed-off, refuses to be “domestic”—i.e., he’s refusing to get attached again. But Rose drags him back into all of that anyway—and this arc is a lot of things, it’s about him rediscovering joy, confronting grief and guilt, but most importantly, he is allowing himself to care again.

But to care is to leave yourself vulnerable to loss, and that’s what happens when he loses Rose—and it’s inarguably devastating for him. His characterization takes a definite shift here, he’s lost a bit of his joy (and even at times when he does express happiness or joy it can feel like a mask, or at least somewhat forced), and he becomes so unwilling to let go—think of the “I can do this, I can do anything” scene where Astrid dies in “Voyage of the Damned.” To me, Series 3 and 4 and the specials are a negative character arc for Ten, though a subtle one, one you don’t realize is occurring until it culminates with the Time Lord Victorious—a slow, agonizing trainwreck. He’s lost so many people by this point—not just his Rose, but Martha, Donna, the Tylers, Mickey, Astrid—and he’s been isolating himself to avoid getting attached again, to avoid hurting anyone else, but when he comes to care for the crew of Bowie Base One and loses them, he snaps. And we all know what happens—he falls for the lure of power, the illusion of control. And he himself falls.

“The End of Time” is the consequence of that fall, and I would argue that the Doctor finds himself much in the same position as he was in at the beginning of Series 1–desperately lonely, but unwilling to get close, so so scared of loss. Though in a very different way, I think Wilf helps Ten relearn the same lesson Rose taught him all those years ago, that he has to care, to try to force himself to be apathetic is so much worse, but Wilf (and the Ood) help give him the second half: he also has to learn to let go. It’s a constant cycle: “you have to love -> you have to lose -> you have to love -> you have to lose,” and Ten finally, finally understands—but as he’s dying. He’s finally grasped the truth, he’s seen the light, but he’s seen it too late. And that’s the tragedy of it. As I watched the specials, I got the sense that he wanted his time to end—it’s never explicit, but you can sense it, he seems tired, makes references to having lived too long. He had all that time he wasted self-isolating and alternately wallowing in despair or trying to force apathy, but it is on his last day, at the sound of four knocks, that he finally realizes that he wants to live. And he can’t.

I think that Matt Smith was an absolutely brilliant casting choice as Eleven, because it would be impossible to not resent any other replacement after that. Smith’s Doctor is just so sweet and goofy and joyful that it’s hard to dislike him for long. Honestly, my personal headcanon is that Eleven is like that because of Eleven, trying to make up for Ten’s lost joy.

Anyway, sorry about the ramble, I had more thoughts about this than I realized.

[beefucu]

They have so much lore together.....

[sidesteppostinghours]

pulps law is that whenever i get insane enough about something, i will inevitably attempt to make a persona 5 au, regardless of whether or not i am successful at it.

[quietwingsinthesky]

Drabble 193/366 - Doctor Who

She does understand.

She’s lived too long not to. She’s felt Graham’s grief despite her lost wedding ring. She remembers playflirting the way Ryan does when she was a man.

She knows what the look in Yaz’s eyes means when it falls on her.

Too early, too late. She feels like the awkward rut in the road. Trapping Yaz, herself ground down. To escape she’d have to tell the truth, break Yaz’s hope, and offer comfort for her unrepentant hearts’ regeneration: for the love she can’t feel and the friendship she can.

If with anyone. But not her. Not her.

[cowboyskeletons]

*insane about media voice* i am normal about media

[effro01]

Happy birthday to Miko from Existtrace!!

Late contribution but whatever!

(sneak pic of Naoto lolz)

[silverfoxstole]

I finally started listening to In the Bleak Midwinter earlier while I was wrapping some presents and I think I would have enjoyed 24 Doors more without the structure of announcing the setting for each scene. I appreciate what John Dorney was trying to do but it kept taking me out of the story and made it seem like things took forever to get going. It was a nice little idea but for me a bit underwhelming.

That said, it’s lovely to hear Charley again and Audacity is much less aggravating, but I am concerned that having her there at this particular juncture will undermine the relationship between the Doctor and Charley, especially given what’s around the corner for them. Would they have got so close with someone else in the TARDIS? I’m not sure.

I’ll listen to the other two stories tomorrow and Friday but in the meantime I do agree with Audacity re Roy Wood and Wizzard: anyone who wishes it was Christmas every day is mad.

[dinnerbug]

@tortellini-time

you've cursed me but /pos

I now spend all hours of free time every single day watching doctor who

Not that I'm complaining. But oh wow. That happened. That's goin on. Best curse ever ngl

[seaweedstarshine]

You know that time in the comics when the Doctor is so depressed, he shuts off the lights, turns on an interrogation spotlight, locks himself in the console room, and argues with a bunch of judgmental shadow-figures resembling his past incarnations?

And all the TARDIS' lights go out and her interior becomes a maze to keep his companions out of the console room, all from her psychic connection with the Doctor (“moodbleed”)?

And his companions are left wandering in circles for two days as the air goes “stale,” not knowing where he is but thinking the worst, while he hallucinates in a dark room?

...because I'm thinking again about the times this definitely happened when he was with the Ponds.

[archivalofsins]

Honestly, another thing that inspired the Yuno post outside of the Mikoto thing was the fact that the image they used for her second trial acrylic stand is all of the Yuno's. While everyone else's has been just them. Like-

The easiest game of one of these things is not like the other ever. Milgram really went, we need an acrylic stand of Yuno for trial two- Okay, make sure to get all of them this time as someone went, wait, what do you mean all of them?!

[dailybaizhu]

baizhu eating chocolate,,, if he can

151: can and should are two different things

[solis-angelus]

BABE WAKE UP NEW LOW JUST DROPPED.

source

[tamagotchikgs]

i wish i wasnt sensitive 2 the point of physical pain to the tiniest crumb of rejection