#i love those doomed lovers and also some meat guy

[twstedrabbithole]

Dorm Leaders With A Chubby S/o Hcs

This boy wouldn't really care about your looks honestly. Though I will say that it's most likely that his mother has set up standards in his mind about his partners.

That said, he very much would try to not have what his mother drilled in his head to influence him. He may make a mistake or two when on the subject of weight and looks but he tries very hard.

If he does say something, tell him immediately. Help him see the error of his and his mother's views. With time he will unlearn what his mother has taught him. He truly does love you.

If someone does make a comment about your looks or weight, Riddle will immediately go all red in anger. He will not tolerate anyone, not even his mother, saying such comments about you.

If you do want to lose weight or not sure how, this guys will go through many books and websites just for the sake of helping you. He has said he's wanted to be a doctor before, so this research will help him for his future.

You think this guy would care how you look? No, he doesn't. He also wouldn't let anyone "talk shit" either.

But I will say there is a slight difference if your feminine or masculine. If your more feminine or female, he's way more protective. He was taught to respect woman because of how powerful and strong they are in the Afterglow.

If you're more masculine or male, he won't be as protective honestly. But if he sees it's affecting you then he'll be the shoulder for you to cry on.

He may not understand fully on how much flack chubby people get. But he can greatly sympathize because of how he was treated because of his unique magic.

If you want to lose weight, Leona isn't the greatest for advice. He can give support, that's not a problem. But he mostly would want to sleep then work out with you. You have a better chance with Jack for advice on both diets and workouts.

Like Leona, Azul would not care at all how you look. But dare I say, he would have a preference for someone with a bit more meat to them. After all a restaurant owner has to know what food lovers like huh? I jest, he knows how you look doesn't have to be correlated to how you eat.

He's the most supportive one, in rival to Kalim that is, towards you. You don't have to prove anything to him that's related to your weight or looks, he loves you for you.

If you're confident in how you look that gives him more confidence actually, enough to where he might even openly eat his favorite foods if your with him and encourage him.

If he even hears a scoff in your direction, he's already scheming in his head. Even if it has nothing to do with your weight or looks, he already has a plan to doom any negative student. He's very, very, protective of you. Even the tweels actually, since they see how much Azul cares and loves for you, it would be a shame if someone decided to use you as a way to get back at him.

If you wish to lose weight, Azul is very much supportive. He may not be fully happy, but he will try his hardest to help you. He'll make meal plans, have vegan or vegetarian options on Monstro Lounge's menu, even count your calories if you ask. While he may do this, he'll allow you to have a cheat day with him. After all everyone deserves something fatty once in awhile.

Another boy who absolutely does not care about how you look! He only ever sees how you are as a person than how you look. Honestly he wouldn't even notice you're chunkier than most until you point it out. Well actually he would know, it just never registered.

He would most definitely spend so much money on tailored clothing for you, if most clothes didn't fit. Anything you want, he'll get, that doesn't change.

This includes the parties he hold, they're the same in the terms of having your favorite foods and activities. Jamil will practically have known all your favorite foods by heart because of Kalim requests.

He actually does get very defensive, but not in the way you would think. If he hears anything negative about you, he'll immediately but into the conversation and have compliments leave his mouth at a fast pace.

Kalim doesn't fully understand if you want to lose weight. But he'll still be supportive and ask Jamil for advice on what you and him need to do. He'll workout and go on a diet with you as well! Because it's more fun if you're not alone!

I'll be honest, this guy will care. But hear me out, it's not how you think. Yes he'll make a few subtle comments, but he believes it's to make sure you're in your top form and your most beautiful self.

If you're happy the way you are then he'll promptly be quiet, he would never actively hurt someone with words about their appearance. He knows everyone is different, everyone has their own qualities that make them beautiful. And as time goes on, he'll see that your extra weight is what makes you beautiful.

If say, your weight is do to something you can't control. He'll be very supportive and understanding, we all can't control how we look after all. If you feel sad over it he'll be there to be your shoulder to cry on and even give you a comforting spa day.

If he hears others talk negatively about you, then they have angered Pomefiore's queen. He won't tolerate anyone harassing nor belittling you. He may have been harsh with you at first, but he learned his own way and so he'll make sure others know better as well.

If you want to lose weight, Vil is the perfect person to ask for help! He may be harsh and tough on you, but it's to help you and motivate you. If you do need someone more comforting and soft Rook will be there to compliment and encourage you as well. It's very...contrasting, but it'll get the job done so you can be you're most beautiful self!

I'd say he doesn't care either, maybe also someone who prefers someone with more meat to cuddle. After all, I can see him actually having a cold body temperature even with the fire hair. Those with larger bodies are warmer actually, so you're perfect for cuddles!

He would want to give you loads of compliments, but his extreme shyness gets the better of him. So instead he plays games with you and even makes mods that let's you have your character be as chubby as you!!

Surprisingly Idia always cuddles you. You're just so warm and plush he can't help himself! Don't point it out though, or his hair will turn red and may cause another fire in his room.

When he or Ortho hears anything negative about you they immediately come to your defense, Ortho more often than Idia. Ortho sees you as another big sibling, so he defends you just like he does for Idia. Idia usually hacks his way into any naysayers phone to mess with them for a day, not usually anything too bad but something to make sure they don't say anything hurtful again.

If you want to lose weight, Idia will scour the internet for any info on how to help. He even would go outside to help you! Ortho will also be there so you have someone to workout with, meanwhile Idia is playing on his switch...he may also make exercise and active games at some point so you two can play together while working out!

This man also wouldn't care how you look. He may say one thing about how "humans have always looked so different from each other" in a way to comfort you.

He wouldn't really treat you differently, but he would give you all the support and compliments you need if you're insecure about your body.

You two do have lots of ice cream together, but if you ask for the sake of any medical reasons he's happy to get you your own sugar free or low calorie frozen treats!

If anyone in Diasomnia hears word of someone making negative comments about you, you have a whole dormitory behind you. The faes of the dormitory just can't understand why humans turn against each other over something as small as having a different body type.

If you wish to lose weight, Malleus won't know exactly what to do to help. He'll ask his dormmates for help, which will lead to Lilia trying to make home cooked diet meals. And for Sebek and Silver to have you join in their duels. Great Seven have mercy on them when Malleus finds out.

[basket-of-radiants]

I have many thoughts about KLM, I don't know where to start. They range from how the other two are going to react to Kal being benched (I mean one day he just stops showing up to fights) to an AU where Venli is captured alongside her Lady, by enemy Captain Stormblessed and is lost as to why Leshwi bantering/flirting with him. When her Lady's knight arrives to save them he just kinda curls up on Stormblessed's lap complaining about not being part of the initial kidnapping, confusing Venli more.

Thank you for talking to me about this.

1) I absolutely love how you’ve placed Venli as a fourth wheel in this gang (but imo she would not be confused, just exasperated like “oh god you guys are really doing this, you realize I’m still here right, you want me to translate what for him, fuck me and fuck your passions I guess this is happening.”)

2) I can’t really imagine a scenario wherein Leshwi gets captured unless it’s on purpose somehow, in which case Vyre showing up to “rescue” her would be even funnier.

3) I recognize that K/L/M isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and normally when I subject you guys to massive walls of text it’s for dumb au’s involving cereal or roller skates or whatever and not shipping, so I’m gonna put a cut here before I absolutely Go Off.

Have I said. K/L/M as a knight/lady/dragon dynamic is the most perfect thing imaginable, particularly when it’s not the knight who belongs to the lady, but the dragon (INSPIRED casting for Moash), particularly when Leshwi can fill all three roles as the scene demands it, particularly when Kaladin views them both as The Enemy and they don’t view him that way.

Like, when played straight this relationship has so fucking much potential for drama and angst. Kaladin being in love with his enemies, knowing he has to fight them and trying to kill them but also knowing that if anything happened to them it would destroy him. Leshwi navigating court politics, as someone of her station consorting with a human would be scandal in of itself, but a Radiant as well? Plus trying to balance her passions for her people with those for her lovers. Moash turning himself into a monster for Leshwi’s sake, willingly becoming for her an agent of destruction but who still pines for Kaladin and would do anything not to hurt him again but who only ends up hurting him more. These three have all given up their personhood in different ways and have all become killers for the sake of others, and yet that personhood they willingly banish from themselves is what they cherish in one another. Emotionally charged fights. Combatively charged conversations. Love conquers all in the end. Or does it, maybe they’re doomed to be tragic, which also works really well.

Or if you don’t want to be all serious and want to play this fun, there are plenty of great ways to do that too. You can have Leshwi/Vyre as a power couple who keep setting one another up with a blushing and baffled Kaladin, who had really come here to fight or so he had thought, oh storms why are they smiling at him. You can have Vyre tell Leshwi all about Kaladin while holding her hand, and she goes off and sees him for the first time in a battle and afterwards Vyre is like “weeeeeell?~~” and Leshwi is like “you’re right, he’s pretty great.” You can have Kaladin confront him and say “Moash why would join Odium’s side” and he just points at Leshwi and Kaladin just says “you know what that’s fair.” (Wait I’m about to make a joke.) You can have Kaladin and Leshwi together and Kal is like “fuck Moash?” and Leshwi is like “oh absolutely” and Kaladin whistfully goes “yeah me too.” (There I made a joke, you’re laughing now.)

These three are the perfect trio for fight-flirting because they’ve all tried to kill each other in every combination on different occasions. Plus if you want to make it cute and light, nowadays they can all regenerate, so they’re fine. I also love the idea of them teasing each other over one another’s combat prowess. (M: “Wow Leshwi you treat all the guys who kill you like this?” L: “I mean yes, but also Kaladin has never actually beaten me, I lied.” M: “Really? Wow I guess I’m just better at fighting than both of you then ;)” K: “Oh yeah, do you want to step outside and fucking try me? ;)”)

Okay, I see your “Leshwi gets captured” au but what about one where Kaladin gets captured instead, like Lezian or someone are going to kill him and Leshwi makes a deal where if she can keep him safe if he’s her prisoner so she uses one of those suppressor fabrials. Maybe Vyre goes to talk to him and Kaladin knows he should just kill him but is still in love with him so he’s willing to hear him out anyway and then it turns out to have been a setup so you can have more tragic betrayals between them, but once he’s been captured Leshwi and Vyre still spend a lot of time with him and Kaladin is like “wait hold on, you two are actually important, can we negotiate for peace” and Leshwi’s like “neither of us are actually representatives of our respective sides” and Kaladin is pleading with her like “please, no one on my side believes talking to you is even possible but they’re wrong" and he tries to instill idealism into her jaded soul. And then eventually Leshwi agrees to try and she lets him go so he can arrange a meating from his end. Bonus points if he has to kill her in order to “escape” so that the other fused don’t think she’s a traitor. So he goes back to Uritiru or whatever. And even more bonus points if Vyre didn’t know about this plan and so he goes after him pissed that he killed Leshwi, and Kaladin is able to calm him down but it’s too late he’s been noticed, so the other humans are like “holy shit that’s the traitor” and Vyre is like “bite me” and Kaladin is trying to protect him while he’s being very hard to protect. Like Kaladin will panic and say something like “it’s okay he’s changed” and Vyre will be like “I have not and I am not sorry” and Kaladin is like “you are making my life so hard right now.” Anyway, Leshwi comes back obviously and eventually there’s a meeting and idk how it goes but Kaladin and Vyre and Leshwi probably elope at some point, and holy shit what am I doing.

God. How does writing fanfic work. Someone help. I think we need something longer form for this.

Another idea I like inspired by your ask is a Venli-centric story wherein she’s a personal courier to Leshwi and since her Lady has to keep up appearances (plus she’s too busy with her own political career), Venli is the one tasked with facilitating a secret courtship between her and Kaladin, an enemy knight. Moash is sent with her for protection and Venli 1) is confused by the chemistry he seems to have with both of them and 2) is growing increasingly exasperated by how the fairly utilitarian demands, decrees, and warnings she carries seem to be getting gushier every time she’s sent with a new one. It wouldn’t be so bad but Kaladin can’t fucking read so she has to read it all out loud to him and then write down his responses herself. Her escort seems unphased by the fact that the two people he fancies are obviously trading love letters. Venli just wants to help her people, okay? She doesn’t have time for this shit.

Honestly there’s a lot to explore insofar as a domestic relationship with these three too. I’m just imagining a scene where Leshwi starts humming something and Kaladin just turns to Moash and is like “...what is she saying” and Moash is just “uhhhh I think she’s sad about something-no wait--?” Or like, the dynamic of Moash being super casual about how he treats the relationship and Kaladin being super solemn and Leshwi being super passionate.

Or you could go for a thing where Moash is a classic bad boy who Kaladin is trying to bring back to the light except he kind of loves Leshwi and kind of wishes he was working with her too. I kind of also like Kaladin and Moash and Leshwi getting together with no parties being rehabilitated or changed or anything. (K: “I hate this guy.” M: “Okay, I’ll kill him for you then :)” K: “NO!!!!!!!!!!!” while Leshwi iweighs the argument of both those statements.)

There is just so much potential. You don’t understand. There’s so much.

[omoi-no-hoka]

My Experience Working in Japan

Fear not--it’s not all gloom and doom.

Today I thought I’d talk a bit about what it’s been like working in Japan for half a decade. I imagine that my experience is probably different from someone who lives in a more metropolitan area like Tokyo. 

Why did you choose Hokkaido?

Hokkaido is the northernmost island/prefecture of Japan. It’s the biggest prefecture and plays a huge role in Japan’s agriculture. Since it’s a separate island from Honshu (the island with Tokyo, Osaka, Kyoto, and pretty much everywhere else of note), not too many foreigners choose to live here. However, there is a small but ever-growing community of winter sports lovers who move here long-term. 

I studied abroad in Hokkaido when I was in uni and fell in love with it. What can I say? I grew up on a farm in a county that had a grand total of three traffic lights, and I just hate the hustle and bustle and endless concrete of big cities. I’d go crazy if I had to live somewhere like Tokyo. I need to see green, I need to hear birds instead of sirens. 

What was your first job, and how did you get it?

I knew by about my third or fourth year of uni that I wanted to go to Japan for a while, so I double majored in the two areas that I knew would help get me a decent job there: Japanese, and English with a focus on linguistics, second language acquisition, and English as a Second Language (ESL). I also obtained a CELTA (Certificate in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) from Cambridge. There are many different TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) certificates out there, but the CELTA is the most esteemed and recognized worldwide, so that was what I got. 

I ended up looking for teaching jobs in Sapporo, even though it was a much bigger city than I wanted to live in. It has a population of 2 million, and the city I had my eyes on was less than 1/4 of Sapporo’s size. But I couldn’t find any teaching jobs in the smaller city. The job-hunting was difficult, because unless you have a spousal visa or something, the employer has to be able to sponsor a work visa. But sponsoring work visas is very expensive for the company, so many smaller businesses can’t give you a work visa. 

There are many 英会話 (Eikaiwa) English Conversation schools in Japan. Basically, the entire English education curriculum and its implementation in Japanese public schools is...atrocious. Absolutely worthless. The vast majority of students study English for all 6 years of middle and high school and can’t have a simple conversation by the end of it, though they can read and write it somewhat decently. So the Eikaiwa industry was born, and these schools promise parents that their children can have native-like pronunciation and get jobs in fields where English is necessary if they pay outrageous costs for weekly 50-minute lessons. 

There are many big-name Eikaiwas in operation throughout the country, but many of these are so-called ブラック企業 (black kigyou, a.k.a. black businesses) which means that they commit various labor law violations. Most foreigners they hire don’t speak Japanese and aren’t aware of their legal rights, or what they can do when they are violated. A quick google search will show you tons of horror stories from foreigners hired by eikaiwas who didn’t receive pay, were screamed at for calling in sick to work, etc. Basically, most corporate eikaiwas don’t care who is teaching the kids, as long as they are white. You are a piece of meat to them. 

So I avoided all the big-name places and found a small, privately owned Eikaiwa in Sapporo, run by a fellow foreigner. I had a skype interview with her from my living room in America, she hired me, and I moved to Sapporo. I worked there for three years. Despite having a fellow ex-pat as a boss, I was still subjected to the mistreatment of the corporate eikaiwas. No matter how sick I was, despite the fact that we were forbidden from wearing masks (kids need to see our mouths for pronunciation), and despite the fact that I was constantly around infants, I was ordered to “take an aspirin and get to work.” I was under the impression I was enrolled in the Japanese pension, but after two years of working there I learned that we were not, in fact, enrolled in the pension. This is illegal, and I was forced to pay about $4,000 USD in backpay to the pension. My employers refused to provide assistance paying this even though by law the employer is required to pay 50% of an employee’s pension. 

So yeah. Not too fun really. The kids were really cute, though, and I didn’t hate teaching English. But after 3 years, I was ready to move on.

What’s your current job, and how did you get it?

The three years I worked at the Eikaiwa, I studied Japanese at least one hour every night, and at least 8-10 hours on the weekends. I had the conversation and grammar down, but my kanji and vocabulary was lacking so all I did was read, read, read. Thanks to that, I passed the JLPT N1 and my Japanese reached a level that I could survive in a Japanese workplace. 

Fed up with my current job and jaded of teaching, I looked for translation jobs in companies in Hokkaido. But there were absolutely zilch. I realized that (in Hokkaido), there were no jobs for foreigners other than teaching English. The situation was so hopeless that I actually looked for jobs back in the United States and applied for a couple. Moving back home after only 3 years of living abroad felt like defeat and I didn’t want to leave Japan, but I just couldn’t take the eikaiwa industry anymore, and I knew that I would only spiral further into depression in a metropolis like Tokyo. 

In June of 2017, I sent out some applications and applied to headhunting agencies in America. And in August, a friend here in Hokkaido called me with some incredible news. A student of hers was working as a temp translator for a company in the city I had originally wanted to live in. He needed a replacement, and would I be interested?

I couldn’t believe it. Translation was my dream job, and it was in my dream city. I immediately called to find out more, and I looked up how to make a Japanese resume. Did you know that resumes are printed on A3 paper and hand written?! Good lord, I spent about 9 hours writing and re-writing it because I don’t have good handwriting in Japanese. I went in for an interview. They said they would match the pay of my current job and then some, that I would have business trips to Tokyo, that there was a very likely chance I would get to see other parts of Japan due to this job, that I would be able to build experience in multiple fields at once, that they would give me all the benefits that they are legally obligated to give (lol), and they would let me go home to America for extended periods as long as I took my work laptop and didn’t mind doing a bit of work while I was there. It was everything I dreamed of, so of course I accepted the position. 

And the cherry on top? The guy who gave me the interview had a very unusual last name, which I’ll say is K___. At the end of the interview, he asked, “By the way, do you know anyone else named K___?”

Me: “Well, actually I do have a student whose last name is K___.”

And he smiles and says, “Yeah, that’s my daughter.”

In a city of 2 million people, about 700 children aged 0-18 were enrolled in my Eikaiwa. Out of those 700, I taught about 120. And out of all of those kids, one of them turned out to be the daughter of the man who gave me my interview and would become my boss! WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?! It still blows my mind to think about. 

Later, after I was hired and we went for drinks after work, he told me that the moment he had seen my resume and the name of the Eikaiwa, he had gone to his daughter and asked, “Hey, do you know omoi-no-hoka-sensei? What’s she like?” His daughter said a bunch of really nice things about me, and he decided that if his daughter liked me, then I must be a good addition to the company. Before the interview he had already decided to hire me. 

It just goes to show that you should always be your best because you never know who’s watching!

So yeah, I quit my job at the eikaiwa, moved to my dream city, and started my dream job two years ago. My coworkers are all really, really nice. My bosses are all great. I’m the only person in my whole office that speaks English though, so sometimes I get a bit lonely in that regard. But because I’m the only one who speaks English and this is a global company with headquarters in America, I get asked to do a bunch of miscellaneous tasks, so I’m never bored! Sometimes this means I have a lot of overtime, though. It’s not uncommon to have a 12 hour work-day. But in my downtime between translation requests, I make most of these Tumblr posts. 

[failinhearts]

Movie Review: Kin

Probably never heard of this movie, have you? Don't worry, I'll tell ya about it.

Kin.

This is a movie that I had interest in seeing after hearing the premise. A family drama crime thriller, but with a sci-fi twist. It sounds like a neat, fresh idea. So I decided to give this film a shot and... it's interesting.

I honestly feel like this movie would be better without the sci-fi elements. Lemme talk about it.

Family on the run:

Now, if anyone tells you about a movie involving a broken family that comes together thanks to something from space, the first thing you'd probably think of is the animated Disney movie, Lilo and Stitch. This movie, while having its differences, I can't help but think of that movie when viewing this one. We have the Lilo, Eli, a kid from a broken home who recently lost his mother and has only his father left, resorting to finding scraps to make a bit of money. We have the Nani, Jimmy, a rebellious thief with attitude and Eli's brother who just wants to be there for his sibling. We have the David of the movie, who is a friend who helps them through their journey... who in this movie's case, a stripper named Milly.

Now, who's our Stitch in this movie? Well, it isn't an endearing alien... but one thing these two intergalactic entities have in common is that they both were made to destroy. In this case, a bulky space ray gun that Eli finds.

After a series of tragic events causes Jimmy to take Eli across the country to escape from a crime lord's crew led by James Franco, with Eli not knowing the tragedies behind the scenes that led to this trip, it's a race to not get caught while the two brothers bond despite their differing morals. Meanwhile, intergalactic hunters are also after the family, searching for the stolen gun... kinda like Jumba and Pleakely trying to find Stitch.

While the movie has a really lame, generic opening, that feels boring and done before, the moment the plot kicks into gear, you're instantly invested in the fate of those two brothers when before, you cared... but not too much since their character types have been seen a thousand times before. It just goes to show the importance of circumstances in a story, and how the directions and tone changed catches you off-guard. Because of the dire scenario these two are in, and the secrets withheld by Jimmy that are central to everything, you are hooked in seeing how they get out of this. If they get out of this.

The movie plays into our emotions, specifically, empathy to make up for the cliche character archetypes. Even if someone isn't a person you particularly like too much, you still feel sad and worried if anything happens to anyone you know, and it's not like nobody in this movie is by any means hatable. Because of this, the movie gets you to care for their well-being and hope their relationship grows and all will be mended. It's clever how the filmmakers were able to step aside the poor establishment yet molds a compelling story regardless.

Now, does this mean I should excuse the archetypes of these characters? No, not really. There could be more meat to some and it would make the story infinitely more engaging, but as it is, it could've been a lot worse.

In regards to character development, though, that's where the archetypes do add to the story, not gonna lie. A big part of the movie involves around emotional impression. How one can be influenced to do bad for an ulterior motive, even if it's good. Just how far should you go before something is too far? What will separate the heroes from the villains, and Eli's impressionability and Jimmy's "do at all costs" attitude aid to that theme very well because they are so blatantly emphasized as a specific personality trait.

James Franco as a villain, while over the top at times, also deserves some praise for still being intimidating and actually having quite a bit more meat than your average cigarete smoking, booze drinking, money obsessed bad guy. If anything, money isn't even much of his motivation but rather his own connection to his family, providing a thematic parallel as to what happens to someone without a family to go to.

Ohana doesn't need a big freakin' gun:

...Now, you noticed how after all this, I never talked about the main gimmick of this film? The space gun? Yeah, that's where we delve into the movie's more negative standpoints... and I can't believe I'm saying that since I love seeing sci-fi elements in everything but the execution of the implementation of the alien sub-plot is poorly done.

Not enough of the movie revolves around the gun. It feels too disconnected and not irrelevant for the most part, and once you get to the halfway point, the gun is finally used to aid to the story's progression but by that point, it's too little too late. Now it feels out of place, and still isn't that important aside from moments where something needs to be blown up to provide an exit or getaway, nothing more and does little to aid in the bonding Eli and Jimmy form because... well, it came into the film too late.

It's not like the sci-fi couldn't be done well. For example, let's bring back Lilo and Stitch for comparison. Lilo and Nani were two people that didn't get along. Lilo couldn't understand Nani well while Nani was trying to do the best she could as a mother figure because Lilo had nothing else. Then, Stitch came into their life, and thanks to his endearingly curious albeit destructive personality, and the circumstances his appearance led to, it only got Lilo and Nani closer in the end. Stitch as a character, as well as the intergalactic aspect as a whole, was written with the goal of aiding to the theme of the story which is getting it back together.

I mean, look at the title, even the title for Lilo and Stitch was tailor made to convey this theme. It was never just a cheeky and obvious naming convention because yes, the movie's about Lilo and Stitch. If you look deeper, though, it was telling you the story in three letters. Lilo in Hawaiian means "lost", which is the state of Lilo and Nani's relationship and Stitch, as the literal term suggests is a means of putting something back together.

So Lilo and Stitch means "lost and put back together".

The ray gun never embodies that message, nor is a metaphor for one. It was just a gimmick to lure sci-fi lovers into the theater and nothing else, which is a shame. Because it never amounts to much in the main theme, the scenes which focus on the gun grinds the film's pacing to a halt to either see these needless hunters on their search for the gun, to see the gun perform cool noises and actions or to blow something up. Nothing more, nothing less.

Actually, it does less and hurts the movie more than you expect.

A gunned down resolution:

With this story of a team comprising of a thief, a stripper and a kid with a gun on the run from the Green Goblin's gang and a couple of Halo knockoffs, you expect quite an epic climax, right? Well, you do get an intense climax, which is pretty much the movie in general where the suspense of impending doom looms over any sort of levity the movie gives, leaving you on the edge of your seat... this doesn't mean the film gave a good resolution.

If anything, more problems arise from it. At least for us.

We learn barely anything about the gun, about these aliens, Eli's connection to the gun, the overall mystery is still a mystery aside from a sequence of what are literally teases. Teases for what? Well, we're in the age of cinematic universes where nothing can be standalone, right? Might as well tease a sequel promising to reveal all the mysteries we really should have from movie 1.

Because I don't think we're getting a sequel.

It goes to show just how meaningless the gun is. Not only does it pause the movie to uphold a mandatory gimmick, not only does it not aid all that much into the theme, but it just leaves you with more questions than answers for the sake of hoping you'd shell out more bucks just for a simple answer. While the family drama aspect is wrapped up, lots of elements are still left out in the open and the movie knows it.

Movie studios shouldn't be this confident in their build-ups. They are totally free to leave it open to continuation, but the movie, particularly the first installment should work standalone. Because now, this movie can't stand on its own. It can't. Now it's just an hour and fifty minute long teaser for a film we might not even get, ruining the impact this movie leaves on you.

This, most of all breaks the movie. We go into it expecting a solid beginning, middle and an end. I argue, we never even got an end, making the story practically incomplete.

Final thoughts:

I appreciate Kin for what it tried to do. It tried to be a compelling family drama with a clever twist from an entirely different genre in an attempt to make an new concoction of storytelling. It tries to prove there truly are no limits to the power of imagination and I do agree with that statement. Such a mixture is possible, Disney got that down in 2002.

But Kin suffers from a slow, uninteresting beginning and a non-existent end where it makes you wonder if the middle is even worth it. Not to mention the stunning cinematography, which uses the shaky, unkempt camera style of a drama with the techno music of sci-fi. Has those negative aspects dragged the great parts down with it? Maybe. You wonder if all of this was even worth it.

If you're looking for a movie to eat up your time and don't mind too many open questions that may never get answered, all for the sake of a good second act? Kin will do just fine for you, then.

Anyone else? You're better off watching Lilo and Stitch.

[imaginethebeautifulworld]

nordes, axIs, allIes + prussaI, canananda, sapIn, roma- as craetures??s?

This will require a lot of research~ Let’s crack open some old tomes, light a candle, and conspire, shall we?

Allies:

America- Mimic. 

A creature able to change its shape to disguise its body as an inanimate object or another being. The concept was first introduced in Dungeons and Dragons in the 1970s, and it appealed to me for Al as America has a habit- the country as well as the character, of borrowing bits and pieces of other nations, and almost presenting as them on many an occasion. Similar to the doppelganger, but I don’t foresee Al trying to actually consume his targets, merely... Mimic them.

Canada- Ol’ Yellow Top.

Old Yellow Top is an alleged cryptid from Ontario, Canada. Allegedly, there have been sightings of this guy since 1906. Some have claimed that it could be a Sasquatch, apart from the distinctly golden mane on its head and the lightness of fur. I immediately thought of Mattie in this case- Just trying to live in the woods, mind his own business, get mistaken as a local cryptid. All in a day’s work, really.

China- Bai Zé.

An alleged mystical beast of Chinese legend. According to lore, the Bai Zé was encountered by the Yellow Emperor during a patrol. The Bai Ze gifted the Emperor with information on all 11,520 types of supernatural creatures in the world, and how to overcome their hauntings and attacks. The emperor had this information written down in a book called the Bái Zé Tú. Just thinking back to how many stories Yao's passed down to his younger siblings and the advice he has for the other nations- I felt this fit him very well.

England- Feyling.

A child born of both Fey and Human blood. Much like a Half-Fey, they have excellent charisma, and with practice and patience, eventually can successfully cast spells and incantations to overwhelm others, become seemingly invisible, and slip away from the law. These creatures are born with the ethereal beauty of the Fair Folk, but unfortunately, it also makes them a little aloof. And of course, I thought of England. It would make sense as to why he can see the Fey, and his strong connections to earth-based magicke.

France- Enfant de Melusine.

The legend of Melusine is reminiscent of a fairy bride. Melusine, vaguely similar to mermaids, had the lower half of a serpent, and the upper half of a human woman, though by some accounts, this metamorphisis only occurred once per week, some accounts by once per month. She was taken as a bride by a king, and gave birth to two sons. The legend gets further distorted- some claim that she was unable to stand the holy words of a Sunday sermon, others claim that her husband discovered her true nature- But the endgame was the same. She completed her transformation into a dragon, and fled. It is rumored that all French royals were descendents of her two sons, and that one can hear her crying for her children outside the castles to date. I feel France is definitely one of those lost, wandering children. It's in his tenancity, his resilience, and beneath his majestic beauty is a ferocity that nothing has been able to break.

Russia- Domovik.

Similar to the Brownie in Scottish folklore, the domovik is believed to protect the home from tragedy and disaster, including theives, disease, natural disasters, and evil spirits. Although he never attacks people, it has also earned the spite that falls to the common poltergeist. Rumour has it that he lives near the hearth, or perhaps behind the stove, so long as he is warm. I felt this fit Ivan; he is so desperate to help others, and he has a kind of quiet protectiveness.

Axis:

Germany- Kobold.

Kobolds are industrious small humanoid creatures, noted for their skill at building traps and preparing ambushes. As for what Ludvig may be trying to trap is anyone's guess, but combining his ingenuity with his skills in engineering and strategy, it fits him. They are also resilient as a concept, as throughout even modern history, German mythologists like Jakob Grimm (yes, from the Brothers Grimm) made many arguments that the story of the kobold dates all the way back to Rome, perhaps even before. The Church continued to tolerate the creature, and it was one of the small pieces of Germanic culture that hasn't been diluted throughout the ages. And that, to me, seems very much like something Ludvig would appreciate.

Japan- Kitsune.

Stories depict them as intelligent beings and as possessing magical abilities that increase with their age and wisdom. Some folktales speak of kitsune shape-shifting to trick others — as foxes in folklore often do — other stories portray them as guardians, friends, and lovers. Kiku downplays it frequently, but he is a devious little bastard, and it makes him all that better for keeping an eye out for his friends. And with all that age and wisdom he's obtained, I feel he's met all of the qualifications of the Kitsune.

Prussia- Vampyre.

Rather than provide a whole description of the lore on vampyres and all that wonderful blood-sucking stuff, I'm going to cut it short and give a few ideas why Gil would make a good vampyre. An isolationist longing for the simplicty of his earlier lives, relying on the energies of others to keep him young. Prussia needs to have exposure to that youthful energy, to new ideas, and soak it all up. Otherwise, he'll fade away into nothing but dust.

Romano- Werewolf.

I kind of dabbled on this before in one of my asks on Lovino headcanons, and it's a running theory I've been exploring for a while. In the supposed story of the founding of Rome, brothers Romulus and Remus were raised by wolves. Now, I had the thought of if they hadn't just been raised by wolves, but were, in fact, wolves traversing as human. And from there a long internal journey began of if Rome and eventually Romano were also part of that lineage. So anyway- Lovino is very territorial, devoted to his family, and has a deeper connection to the ancient roots than most people would think of him.

Spain- Ventolin.

NOT to be mistaken for albuterol! Ventolins are actually small wind sprites with majestic green wings. Legends depict that they will fly inland from the sea, bringing with them gentle rains and mists. They also help babies fall asleep with quiet, soft whispers, and bring with them the last goodbyes of those who died far from their homes. Spain in particular comes to mind, with his more peaceful nature, especially when it comes to children. Also, the thought of that man gently knocking on the front door with the last whispers of a loved one- It's a very soothing image to me. But mostly the sweet whisperings to quell the nightmares of a baby really stood out to me. It's Tonio; of course he's going to help out the little ones.

Veneziano- Merman.

If there's one thing I picked up while I was lost in the maze of a city that is Venice, it's that the city itself half belongs to the creatures below the waters, not just those of us above it. With deep canals filled with algaes and seaweed and centuries of mystery, it's all too easy to imagine that beautiful bastard's caramel eyes as he slowly swims nearer to the surface, charming young lads and lassies away from the dusty walkways, down the crumbling steps, and into the depths. He's got the charm, the mystery, the alluring smile and bright eyes that could make you want to sign your life away. Plus I mean- At this point, the poor boy probably actually is at least part fish.

Nordics:

Denmark- Draugr.

The Draugr are undead beings, but the rest of the lore gets very debateable. Some say that they guard their treasures in burial mounds. Others claim they haunt the oceans, and if seen are a harbringer of doom for any soul upon the waves. And yet another legend I encountered told of undead Viking armies, raised by necromancy, consuming all flesh in their wake, devouring every- Basically zombies, people. I feel like Mati would be a prime example of a ghost (or zombie) who is still around to fufill their purpose. His devotion to protect his family of Northern rapscallions has kind of become his only real dream now, and I believe it is so strong an emotion that it could essentially keep his spirit tied to the earth, with essentially the same skills he had before. Just- A lot more dead jokes. You thought the dad jokes were bad? Oh buddy-

Finland- Nisse.

Small creatures from Scandinavian folklore, Nisse live in houses and barns, secretly guarding the farmstead. If treated well, they protect the family and animals from evil, and sometimes even help with chores and farm work. In ancient times, it was believed the nisse were the first farmers. It wasn't until later in my research that I discovered that the Nisse are most commonly associated with the winter solstice, and can be seen in a lot of holiday decor; they look like little elves with white beards and either green or red clothing resembling the 17th century. Tino with his nurturing spirit, I feel, is perfect as a representative of these little guys.

Iceland- Fossegrimen.

The fossegrimen is a fiddle-playing water spirit who never wants to leave his waterfall. In lore, many travellers would stop and ask him for help in learning how to better their skill at the fiddle, and he would often gladly be of help. The cost was often just a nice meal with a good portion of meat. If travellers didn't meet the expectations, the fossegrimen would only teach their student how to tune the fiddle, but not how to play it. I thought of Emil immediately for the determined isolationism, the love of good music, and the easy going attitude of still offering help, even if the exchange wasn't quite what he expected.

Norway- Mage.

As much as I would love to explore a potential troll!Norway route, the reality that he is probably a well-rehearsed and extremely gifted magicke-user just refuses to leave me alone. Mages, unlike wizards, are not as timid about their abilities. He is absolutely out there wandering ruins and exploring foreign cities. He may be traveling alone, but he is learning plenty. I feel like at some point, Lukas probably also looked into necromancy, but that's a theory to explore when I'm a little less sleepy.

Sweden- Landvættir.

The Landvættir are land guardians, most specifically centered around farms or wild grounds. When approaching Vikings neared land, they allegedly removed the carved dragon heads from the bows of their ships, to avoid the risk of provoking the Landvættir and bringing bad luck. There wasn't very much lore on them that I could find, but from the little I did, I feel Berwald is exactly the kind of stoic guardian one must pass by quietly to safely explore a new world.

These were a lot of fun, Anon! I may do more research later into some of these concepts (may even try to find some pictures~), but for now it is late, and I thank you for the Halloween ask!

Merry Samhain!

Blessed be.

[orionsangel86]

Round two of the “Hold My Beer” Great Meta Scavenger Hunt

For this, our honorary Misha Collins figure and Scavenger Hunt queen @elizabethrobertajones has asked us to rank all 12 season openers OR all 11 (12 if you are feeling super ambitious) season finales by a theme, character, concept etc of your choice.

I figured I might as well make this super difficult for myself and go with three D’s for my theme. Being Doom, Death and Destiel. I’m also picking finales over openers because, well finales usually have more of the three D’s in general. Doom is based on how bad the situation is for the world at the end of the episode, Death is based on the deaths in the episode and the emotional punch of those deaths, and destiel is based on how much destiel (or the ground work for destiel) there actually is in the episode. I’ll give each episode a ranking out of 10 for each ‘D’ and then average it out for my final scale… and try not to be intimidated at adding maths into a meta post. Ha. 

I should apologise for submitting this so late, but Lizzy did stress there was no real deadline and I have always been terrible at deadlines anyway.

Under the cut as this is loooonnngggg. Enjoy. :)

Season 1, episode 22.

DOOM – John is possessed by Azazel, but he gets over it, Azazel gets away, and the Winchester’s get pretty upset about this. Meg gets exorcised though so actually doom wise there is less of a threat by episode end than there has been all season. Azazel is on the loose but the Winchesters still have the colt. Very little doom. 1/10.

DEATH – Ah to remember the days when the Winchesters actually cared about the meat suits the demons possessed… Oh how things change. Meg is exorcised and the actual human Meg dies of her injuries (did the demon just keep using the name of the girl it possessed? That one always confused me) John almost kills Dean but doesn’t and marks the first in a long line of people in this season who overcome possession to save Dean thanks to their undying love for him (and yet the boy still thinks he is worthless). Big car crash at the end leaves us with a cliff hanger wondering if the Winchester’s are dead but its such a normal way to try to kill them that we all know it aint gonna stick. 3/10 for attempting to scare the audience into thinking the Winchesters can be killed by a TRUCK. Pfft.

DESTIEL - I miss Cas. Did I mention I’m a Cas girl and think his presence makes this series infinitely better?! Still, what we do get in this episode is a Dean who admits that he lies and Azazel mocking Dean’s personality as always hiding the truth, the pain… etc… So we start to get some good insight into Dean’s character, we know by this episode that Dean hides A LOT and puts on a performance all the time. We know that the tough guy macho image he tries to portray is in no way near the real him. But I’m scraping the barrel so it still only gets 1/10 for the barest glimpses into Dean’s true self and the hint that he is hiding a lot more.

Season 2, episode 22.

DOOM – One dead yellowed eyed demon, one demon deal for Dean and a whole lot of evil unleashed upon the world. We got some good levels of doom here, even if Azazel is gone. At least John Winchester managed to crawl out of hell and disappear off… somewhere… do we ever find out what happened to John Winchester’s soul? Maybe he decided to hang around on earth haunting some poor unsuspecting bystander. For that reason and all other reasons above, I’m ranking this a 4/10. They were still just ordinary demons that were unleashed after all… and that was a weird sentence to write.

DEATH – Well, that was emotional. We get some pretty stirring speeches from Dean over poor Sam’s corpse, but he comes back. Of course. So it doesn’t really count unless we are counting deaths for emotional impact rather than if they STAY dead. Dean shoots Azazel in a very therapeutic moment for him, and also threw his own life away to save his brother. Also this made me chuckle: “Dad brought me back, Bobby. I'm not even supposed to be here.” Oh Dean. You’ll get used to it. Happens all the time. I’m also adding a point for the death of Ash last episode because damn. I liked Ash. Besides, technically this was a two parter. 6/10 for emotional impact and because they finally killed the bad guy.

DESTIEL – Well, there isn’t much I can really say as one half of this love pairing isn’t even here yet. But, on Dean’s side we are getting more and more hints into his now glaringly obvious bisexuality. I’m using 2x21 here because as said above, this is a two parter. Dean identifies Ash by his watch which tells an interesting story (I’m not gonna get into the Dean x Ash stuff here and instead direct you here for that glorious analysis) and also we got Lily who was a Dean mirror who lost everything thanks to Azazels influence (like Dean at episode end) and lost her life because of her inability to accept the situation she was in (like Dean at the end of this episode). So, for that reason I’m rating this a 2/10.

Season 3, episode 16

DOOM – Not so much in terms of doom this episode, Lilith was already out and doing her thing, We all still think Ruby is a good guy, the world is no more broken than it has been all season. 3/10

DEATH – Oh Dean. As Dickens would say he is as dead as a door-nail, and then go on about why a door-nail was considered a good simile for death. Perhaps the Horseman Death could answer that question, but I digress. Dean is dead, and Sam is very sad, and there is seemingly no hope now that Dean is strung up in hell. Sad times. This was probably my favourite death of the entire series, simply because it was still early enough for us to actually believe it. How on earth was Dean supposed to come back from this? His soul is literally strung up in hell. Therefore, 9/10 for an epic death scene.

DESTIEL – Still no Cas, and very little in terms of bi-dean analysis unfortunately. I’m giving it half a point for the eager anticipation of Dean’s hell rescue though and the wealth of fanfiction that came from that… 0.5/10.

Season 4, episode 22

DOOM – So much doom! (for the time – nowadays Lucifer just leaves us feeling kinda meh) The release of Lucifer! The breaking of the 66 Seals! The angels are up to no good! It’s the apocalypse! AHHHHHH DOOM ALL THE DOOM! END OF THE WORLD DOOM!!! For that reason I am marking it 10/10 doom wise.

DEATH – Bye bye Ruby. You were a manipulative bitch and I loved you. Hated the way you died though. Never like the idea of having a woman held back by a man whilst another man stabs her… it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth regardless of whether she was demonic or not. Also bye bye Lilith. Your death was actually pretty cool. You went out laughing. BUT NO! Not CAS! Cue Castiel’s first death scene and let me tell you it was explosive. Heh. Sorry. Basically 4 seasons in and this was my FAVOURITE season finale so far. Yeah so no Winchester brother died, but Castiel stole her hearts from his very first scene and having to watch him die after getting our hopes up like that was just cruel. It was emotional, especially the way he died for DEAN. Because of DEAN and… well I’ll get on to that. 8/10 on the Death rating.

DESTIEL – HERE WE GO FINALLY. So who started shipping destiel at THIS point? I was a late bloomer (a 6x20 shipper) but I was picking up on things here and on my many many re--watches of this episode I find it impossible not to see the whole scene in the green room as overly romantic. We had major heart eyes from our star crossed lovers, we had epic speeches about choice and freedom and humanity, we had one fallen angel statue and one soon to be fallen very real hunky angel man, we had Dean getting bodily pressed into a wall by said hunky angel man in a very erotic display of power and disobedience. Basically every DeanCas scene in this entire episode had me drooling. It ended with Cas giving everything for the man he lo- liked a lot, I mean pfft… its not like giving up everything you’ve ever believed in and fought for and known your entire long existence for one guy is a big deal or anything… right? Totally platonic right? I’m rating this one as an 9/10 on the destiel scale… I’m not quite sure another season finale can come close… top marks are reserves for an actual canon love confession.

Season 5, episode 22

DOOM – Well. What can I say about Swan Song? The apocalypse was stopped, Lucifer defeated, the horseman put in their place, Death off eating pizza in another galaxy… it all turned out okay doom-wise. The episode packs a big punch, but its an emotional punch rather than a “WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE” punch, so actually, this finale is quite understated when you rank it against the rest. Low doom score. 5/10 doom.

DEATH – Death is rampant in this episode, but he’s getting sloppy because it doesn’t stick. Sam sacrifices himself for the world. It’s emotional. Bobby dies, Castiel dies, Dean nearly dies, Adam dies, Michael and Lucifer get thrown in the cage, lots of death but none of it stays dead! Come episode end all the folks that matter are alive and walking around topside like it’s no big deal. But it still gets points for ending on a mystery and for Dean still believing his brother is dead and being all sad about it and for the audience being all worried because WHAT IS WRONG WITH SAM? But he still isn’t dead. 7/10 for Death.

DESTIEL – I’ll be honest with you all. I think Swan Song is totally overrated. I prefer Lucifer Rising. Like waaaay prefer it. I’m biased of course because of Destiel. In this episode there were a few moments. Dean saying “Aww, Ain’t he a little angel” when Cas is asleep in the back seat is one of them, The car ride at the end. Dean’s pain is evident at everything he has lost but his need for Cas right then, to me at least, is obvious. He just couldn’t bring him to ask Cas to stay, so Cas left. It is a sad ending that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. 5/10 for destiel.

Season 6, episode 22

DOOM – Well, this is what happens when you bottle up your feelings rather than confessing your undying love for someone. Oh Cas. Why couldn’t you just TELL HIM THE TRUTH! The absorbed purgatory souls turn Castiel into a crazy power hungry God and it is very very bad. Well, if you are homophobic, or republican, or a member of the KKK… or basically Donald Trump and therefore all of the above…otherwise honestly, Godstiel really wasn’t all that bad. We could probably do with a Godstiel in our world about now… *Oh gosh shhh now that’s a terrible thought I totally don’t wish that on anyone…ahem.* So I’m giving it a low doom score. Bring Godstiel to our universe 2k17. He will sort shit out. 5/10

DEATH – I am still mourning Balthazar. This one hurts hard because he doesn’t ever come back. L Also Raphael but really I didn’t care. He needed to remove the stick from up his ass anyway. 8/10 because Balthazar won’t be forgotten.

DESTIEL – In the afterglow of 6x20, we suddenly have our destiel goggles glued to our faces and it only makes this episode so much worse. They are actually in post break up hell here and Castiel has completely lost his way. Dean’s heart break is clear to see, and his line “I know there's a lot of bad water under the bridge, but we were family once. I'd have died for you. I almost did a few times. So if that means anything to you... Please. I've lost Lisa, I've lost Ben, and now I've lost Sam. Don't make me lose you too.” Makes me shed a tear. For all the break up trauma 7/10.

Season 7, episode 23

DOOM – Season 7, the world went to hell, Leviathans wanted to eat us (well mostly America but I assume some of them travelled overseas to annoy the Europeans…) But in the end Cas stepped up and helped save the day. Dick was vanquished and although leviathans still roamed the earth they are apparently useless without their leader. So doom levels are fairly standard. Kevin was abducted by Crowley and his minions though and Dean and Cas zapped to purgatory where they will have to face all kinds of DOOM. So on a worldwide scale not a lot of doom, on a personal level for our characters? Lots of doom. 7/10 to average it out.

DEATH – We say goodbye to the Leviathan King and with him goes all the dick jokes of season 7. It’s probably a good thing to be honest. That many dick jokes should not be allowed in one season. We also say goodbye to Bobby’s ghost. It was emotional. I still wish Bobby had never died. L Technically not a death so much as a ‘moving into the light’ moment, it still struck a chord. Other than that we also have a sort of death for Dean and Cas getting sent to purgatory though since they are still together we shouldn’t really be counting it. Death rating is 6/10 and that’s all mainly for Bobby.

DESTIEL – Ah 7x23 was good on the destiel front. ‘Tis the episode where Castiel turned up naked, covered in bees… kinky. It’s the episode where Cas was Dean’s “Boyfriend first” and of course, the episode of “I’d rather have you, cursed or not.” We got longing looks and confessions of forgiveness and basically it was great. 8/10

Season 8, episode 23

DOOM – The Angels are falling! Hell is still open for business! Metatron is a massive dick and I am in tears by the end of the episode every. Single. Time. I’m not even getting into it more than that. This is my favourite season finale. I love every second of it. Doom wise it’s pretty epic 8/10 doom score

DEATH – OH NO SAM DON’T YOU SPEAK LIKE THAT! L Poor Sammy. Seriously though this was HEARTBREAKING and even though Sam doesn’t die he is in a pretty awful state by episode end and it was so fucking emotional I can’t even deal with it. Hence a death score of 6/10 because SAaaaaaaaammmmmmmmm.

DESTIEL – “This is it? E.T. goes home?” The cupids bow, the two gruff men falling in love right in front of a confused and amazed Dean, the cupids bow on the TV shooting at both Dean and Cas? The arrows in the back of the Impala. The climax of the angel fall spell and the one of these is not the same as the others ingredients theory. Us meta writers screaming at our TV screens because it ALL adds up to destiel. It ALL points to Cas being in love with Dean. I love this episode. 8/10 for all the symbolism and Dean’s utterly romantic and longing looks at Cas in the bar.

Season 9, episode 23

DOOM – Does Dean being a demon count as death or doom here? Both? Both is good. Dean Winchester unleashed as a freshly born knight of hell. That doesn’t sound good for the fate of the world in all honesty. However, heaven is basically sorted and Metatron has been put behind bars so this episode doesn’t leave us in such an apocalyptic state as previous season finales have. Therefore it gets a doom score of 5/10.

DEATH – Oh Dean. Why did you follow Crowley. Why did you take that mark? Why did you think you could face Metatron when he was all powered up on tablet? Simply put “I’m proud of us” and Cas’ face when Metatron shows him the angel blade covered in Dean’s blood. Those two moments alone give this a high score in the emotional stakes that mean a Winchester has once again dramatically died in a season finale. It loses two marks for the black eyes since once again right out of the Princess Bride Dean was only mostly dead. 8/10

DESTIEL – I have one thing and one thing only to say right here “He’s in love… with humanity”. Cue a million fangirls all over the world screaming at their TV/Computer screens at that very dramatic pause. Thanks Metatron. I didn’t know Dean had a new nickname. 7/10.

Season 10, episode 23

DOOM – Thanks to Winchester toxic co-dependency we have a primordial chaos goddess on the loose, intent on nothing but absolute universal destruction according to Death. So yeah, pretty much the ultimate DOOM. Since this episode was just a whole barrel of WTF I’m marking it down 2 points. Because I’m bitter. So sue me. Otherwise 8/10.

DEATH – Again with the whatthefuckery. YOU CAN’T KILL DEATH DEAN THAT IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. This was NOT a Death I was willing to accept and I still am not willing to accept it a season and a half later. Death is fucking with you Winchesters so he can jump out at you both and give you a fucking heart attack later on. You would probably both deserve it. 5/10. Not happy.

DESTIEL – So after the horrifying end to 10x22 with the brutal reverse crypt scene, Dean is haunted with guilt over what he did to Cas, but it is no homo’d to the max thanks to Rudy or whatever the fuck his name was I didn’t even bother to look it up or re-watch (did I mention I really didn’t like this episode – except for Death) I suppose I’ll give it a point for Dean’s dream in the deleted scene and a point for the flash of Dean in the mirror (fuck you Rudy I’ll pretend you weren’t there) and a point for Cas’ “Everyone loves something” about Rowena because yes Cas we know you are in love with Dean that was practically established canon in 9x23. It gets a 3/10. I hated this episode.

Season 11, episode 23

DOOM – In a Supernatural first, we get a relatively happy, healthy ending to the big bad story. Dean gives Amara and Chuck some sibling counselling and they go off to spend some quality time together. In a big twist, Amara thanks Dean by giving him “what he needs” which turns out to be Mary Winchester. Human. Alive. Still in the white nightgown she burned in. At the same time, Sam gets taken out by a posh British lady from the men of letters. There is, amazingly, no real doom for the world and only a slight threat for Sam. 3/10 because I care about our beautiful moose baby and his doom matters to me.

DEATH – None. Zilch. Not a single character dies in this finale and this is a shocker. It’s also really satisfying. One formally dead person actually comes BACK. This is probably the most hopeful positive season finale we have ever had on the show. Impressive really. Sam’s unknown threat at the end gives it 1 point. Even though we all know that Sam isn’t dead. He may be in somewhat doom, but he definitely isn’t dead. 1/10

DESTIEL – My heart breaks for Cas all throughout this season and it wasn’t quite the satisfying resolution we were hoping for. Still, the beer run car scene was therapeutic in a way. Though Dean calling Cas a brother got mixed reviews. Some calling it “the end of destiel” which I think is incredibly over dramatic. I prefer to linger on Cas’ utter disappointment at being called a brother. Since, as I have previously mentioned, Season 9 pretty much canonically established Cas’ romantic love for Dean. However, the hug at the graveyard and the “I could go with you” bump up the points for this episode. Cas’ whole demeanour throughout screams of heartbreak and no one can possibly deny his devotion and love right now. I just wanna see more return from Dean on this. 6/10 for the mixed reviews.

Season 12, episode 23

Hasn’t aired yet, so I am totally making this up based on season themes and the mid season finale. Following Season 11’s breaking the spell of DEATH OR DOOM in the season finales, I reckon Season 12 will follow this trend and will not unleash a new bad evil or apocalyptic event OR kill anyone off in a tragic Death scene. Instead, Season 12 looks to be heading down the route of addressing the past, resolving the issues and dealing with smaller conflicts in general. Where Death is concerned, other than ‘bad guys’ I do not think we will get a major death in this finale. So far I do not see that foreshadowing for either brother… or for Castiel or Crowley at this point. Times change but I’m keeping optimistic. So to continue our theme:

DOOM – I doubt it. I don’t think the show will go ‘big’ again before they decide to end and therefore the themes and disaster storylines will be kept more subtle. Perhaps we could get some larger threat from the Grand Coven, or from the British Men of Letters… But lets just say I doubt that we will be unleashing Cthulhu any time soon! 5/10 for potential threats from human/witch groups but no apocalyptic disasters that I can see.

DEATH – Again I doubt it, Dabb broke the constant pattern spn had in place of an alternation between death and doom over season finales with season 11. I am expecting something completely different for the season 12 ending that will be unexpected in a different way (the way Mary was unexpected in season 11). The four main characters won’t get killed off and the supporting cast is unlikely to die in a finale. Perhaps a couple of BMOL will perish… I’m predicting a 4/10 on the Death scale.

DESTIEL – I’m gonna be super hopeful here. We have two episodes (possibly three) in the second half devoted to exploring Castiel as a character. Dabb has always been a Cas fan and we KNOW as I have mentioned before, that one of Cas’ defining characteristics at this point is his utter devotion and love for Dean. I am also hopeful that Dean’s pining story arc that started with the confessional scene in 10x16 will continue and reach a sort of climax in season 12. Therefore, I am gonna give this a rating of 8/10. I expect progress. I don’t expect a straight up confessional, I don’t expect a kiss. I would LIKE textual confirmation that Dean is bisexual at some point this season. I would also like textual confirmation of Castiel’s love for Dean. Something like another angel or Crowley or Sam maybe just straight up saying “You’re in love with him aren’t you?” and Cas just sighing and nodding. Yeah. That’s all I want. I don’t think its asking for much.

Okay so the final averaged scores for DOOM, DEATH and DESTIEL are:

1x22 – 2/10

2x22 – 4/10

3x16 – 4/10

4x22 – 9/10

5x22 – 6/10

6x22 – 7/10

7x22 – 7/10

8x23 – 7/10

9x23 – 7/10

10x23 – 5/10

11x23 – 3/10

12x23 – 5/10

Which according to my own odd analysis, makes season 4 the best all around season finale of the show.

*Goes and lies down for days because that took far too much brain power*

*Eagerly anticipates next challenge*