#absolutely no one would have realised they were a thing had dylan not said it lmao

[deaduris]

well there’s still a 15 year gap in liam’s life that’s unaccounted for sooo airplanes canon

[bisexualmultifandommess]

It’s my boy Ryan!!!

As we know our boy is bisexual

He’s also autistic but that’s another thing.

He probably realised he liked boys as well as girls when he was like 12 or 13. He developed a small crush on this boy at school who wore denim and leather type jackets and he thought he was so cool. He never revealed anything though because he was too shy and didn’t get along with others.

He didn’t come out until he and his sister were living with their grandparents because while living with their mum he didn’t feel safe enough to reveal that side of him. He was still a little nervous when coming out to his grandparents but he knew that they loved him no matter what.

The first person outside of his family that he came out to was Chris who reassured Ryan that he supported him and he was always here to talk. That and Chris’s support about his school and home life is why Ryan trusts him so much.

He has a few pride pins that he sticks on his jackets or bags. He also has a few pride stickers that Sarah bought him that he likes to stick on his phone case or laptop case.

I think his bi awakening was Sam Winchester in Supernatural (he enjoys supernatural and paranormal things plus Jared Padalecki was one of my big crushes as a kid so I’m including him because I love him)

He like everybody else definitely had a tiny attraction to Nick when he first met him. I just think Nick is the type who attracts a lot of people whether it’s for a long time or just a short crush. Ryan takes one look at him and is like damn he’s good looking.

His attraction to Nick doesn’t last long though because he eventually starts developing feelings for Dylan. He doesn’t like to admit it but he definitely loves those puns and jokes.

One time Jacob after finding out asked Ryan what his type is and then jokingly asked him if he was. Ryan can’t help being blunt and just said no in the most dead pan voice. Nick, Dylan and Kaitlyn who heard all laughed so hard they cried. Ryan was so confused.

All of the campers are supportive of him and Dylan’s sexualities (all the counsellors are queer tbh)

I think he had a non serious relationship with a guy before coming to camp that year due to him saying “Not exactly” to Dylan when he asks if he has a girlfriend but he’d not been feeling the relationship so broke up with him before going to camp but felt conflicted about it but he realised while at camp that he prefers Dylan’s company and has a stronger connection to Dylan.

Sarah definitely is that little sister that isn’t afraid to tease him. She probably says he’s ‘bi himself’ when he’s single and he just rolls his eyes but smiles because it’s just a little fun because she supports him and is only joking.

I think while he is attracted to both he leans more towards men.

He listens to some Queer artists.

I 100% believe that he watched Heartstopper because Dylan asked him to and he actually got really emotional over Nick’s story. He also hates Ben and Harry with a passion and is a Tori stan because he relates to her a bit.

He sometimes struggles with expressing his emotions and being open about his relationships due to his past experiences and trauma from when he was a kid so the first time he really opens up to Dylan and let’s him in is a big moment for him.

The first moment he refers to Dylan as his boyfriend to someone else he feels really content with it. Dylan is absolutely ecstatic but tries to not to get too excited because he doesn’t want to overwhelm him.

If they got married I think they’d either use both last names and hyphenate or he’d take Dylan’s. I think this because I think he’d have complicated feelings over his last name due to his relationship with his mum but also likes his last name because of its connections to his grandparents and sister. He’d be conflicted about it but Dylan would support any decision.

Him and Dylan go on double dates with Nick and Abi or Max and Laura sometimes.

They end up having a daughter when they’re older.

[marie-swriting]

And It Lasted - Dylan O'Brien

Masterlist

Summary : During your first day as a 7th grader, you meet a boy who seems as lonely as you but little did you know, he's going to be the most important person for you.

Warnings : Fluff, feeling lonely, mention of pregnancy, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first langugage, tell me if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 1k

French version on Wattpad

French version on Tumblr

Contrary to popular belief, life is tough when you’re twelve, especially when you have no one to talk to. Your shyness has always stopped you from making friends. You always struggle to talk to new people and they don’t come to you either because they already have a group of friends. You have the feeling you’ll never fit in your school in Los Angeles. You really feel lonely, but you’ll get used to it, right ? At least, that’s what you keep telling yourself.

It’s the beginning of your seventh grade today and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t feeling sick in your stomach. Every new school year, you’re afraid the teacher is going to ask you to introduce yourself in front of everyone. You hate it. You always feel stupid when doing so.

As you expected, the students meet each other and talk about their holidays while you wait in a corner, alone. You look at some friends groups, thinking they’re lucky to have people to count on. You wish you had the same chance.

You keep looking around you when you see a boy on his own, too. His face seems unfamiliar and it looks like he knows no one as well. Maybe that’s your chance to talk to him ? You’ve come to realise not doing anything doesn’t help you. You think maybe you should talk to him at least once, even if you’re not close after that, at least you would have tried and that’d be a good thing, right ?

You take a deep breath and walk to the boy. He has brown hair and an upturned nose. The closer you get, the more you can see his moles on his face, you think it’s cute. When you’re in front of him, you smile at him timidly. 

“Hey, I’m Y/N.” You say, nervously.

“I’m Dylan.”

You were hoping he’d keep talking. You guess you’ll have to do it yourself.

“You’re new here ?”

“Yes, I moved in about two months ago.” He informs you. “Are you new, too ?”

“No, I’ve always lived here.”

Then, there’s a new awkward silence. It’s really complicated to have a conversation with someone you don’t know.

“Where did you live ?” You ask, desperately hoping he’ll keep talking to you.

“In New-Jersey. It’s very different from here.”

You think you used all of your social battery for the day. You don't know what other questions to ask. You’re already embarrassed. Maybe you shouldn’t have talked to him. You’ve never succeeded in making friends before, why would it be different now ?

“You know, if you want to meet your friends, I’ll understand.” Dylan tells you, nervously playing with his fingers. “They’re probably waiting for you.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not gonna happen.”

“Would you like it if we sat next to each other in class ?” He wonders and you smile.

“I’d love that.”

As you agreed, you sit next to Dylan while the teacher explains what you’re going to learn  this year. You’re happy to see it’s going well with Dylan now. Maybe you didn’t have a deep conversation, but it’ll get better. You don’t want to get your hopes too high though, but you’d love to be friends with him. He seems like a nice and sweet boy.

“To get to know each other more, I’d like you to stand up in turn and say something about yourselves, such as your name, your age, your hobby or something else, if you want to.” The teacher orders with a smile.

Seeing the look Dylan gives you, you quickly understand that he thinks exactly like you. He absolutely doesn’t want to do what the teacher asked. You both wait for your turn with dread. Before you know it, it’s almost your turn. You’re praying it’ll end soon. Dylan speaks before you.

“My name is Dylan, I’m twelve and I love baseball.”

“What’s your favorite team ?” Mr.Walker asks, interested.

“New York Mets.”

“Great team, but not as good as the Dodgers.” The teacher teases. “Your classmate turns now.”

“I’m Y/N, I’m also twelve and I love to draw.” You stutter. 

“What do you like to draw ?”

“Everything, I don’t really have a preference. I’m still trying to find my style.”

“Very good.” He smiles at you. “Come on, next one.”

In the end, it wasn’t as bad as you thought. Mr.Walker knows how to put you at ease and you think he’s the kind of person to always see the good in everyone. He doesn't seem like the kind of teacher who puts you down, you feel like he’s gonna bring the best out of you.

For the rest of the day, you get to know Dylan more and you become less shy, just like him. On second thought, you might have found a new friend. You hope it’ll last because he seems like a nice person. 

And it lasted. Dylan has been a part of your life for the past fourteen years now and you’re really grateful to life for putting him on your path. Since you met him, things have been easier. You’ve become less timid and you've got more and more friends, even if your friendship with Dylan is still the most important one. 

Speaking of which, you look at him coming your way with a big smile. He’s been shooting for the past months, but he’s been home for a few days, just on time. Once he’s close to you, he sits down next to you on the couch and delicately puts his hand on your round belly. Your little girl seems to have felt her dad’s presence because she starts kicking you.

“Hey baby. It’s daddy.” He says with a cute voice. “Your daddy came home for your birth. Daddy is happy to see you’ve waited for him to show your little face.”

“Daddy doesn’t have to talk about him in the third person.” You tease him.

“But daddy is gonna keep talking about him in the third person because he knows mommy finds it cute, even if she says otherwise.” Dylan contradicts you, smiling.

“I love you, idiot.” You tell him.

“I love you, too,  Y/N.”

Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

[uterialmotive-blog]

Book Review: This Is Not A Holiday Romance

TITE: This Is Not A Holiday

AUTHOR: Camilla Isley

SUMMARY:

Nina Thompson has one Christmas wish: to avoid her brother’s obnoxiously handsome best friend, Tristan, like the plague. From the moment he humiliated her as a teenager to their escalating revenge schemes, Nina and Tristan’s relationship can only be defined as an all-out prank war! And there is yet to be a winner.

But it just so happens the ghost of Christmas present has other ideas. When Tristan unexpectedly crashes her family’s Christmas, Nina’s dreams of a peaceful holiday vanish faster than Santa up a chimney. Determined to end their rivalry for good, she braces herself for one last prank-filled showdown.

But when they find themselves snowed in, with no way of avoiding each other amongst the holiday festivities, they discover their heated exchanges have been masking a different kind of sizzle. Caught in a snow globe of holiday romance, they decide to let their fiery chemistry burn bright—but this is absolutely and unequivocally nothing more than a secret fling destined to melt with the snow, this is not a forever romance…

REVIEW:

Usually I am a HUGE fan of Camilla Isley and that hasn't really changed, I just didn't love this book as much as I have her others. Firstly, I loved the prank wars between Nina and Tristan. They were childish in the best way. However, one thing I really didn't enjoy as Tristan using Nina's looks to poke fun at her. There is a rule that I always tell my kids - if it isn't something that someone can change in 5 minutes, don't mention it. Meaning, if you think someone's ears are too big, they can't change the size of their ears in the next 5 minutes, so it doesn't need to be said. If someone has food in their teeth, they can absolutely fix that in the next 5 minutes, so go ahead and let them know. OK, so Tristan as a teenager was a bit of a dick and didn't realise the impact his comments about Nina looking like a gremlin with big ears would have. But the woman refused to wear her hair up around him for YEARS afterwards. And it was all like "Oh, I meant the cute one, lol sorry". I feel like this did not get enough page time, that Tristan made Nina feel unattractive for a looooong time. I also didn't love the whole protective big brother shtick from Dylan. I get that it's part and parcel of the whole brother's best friend trope but it always annoys me that the brother is always immediately offended at the friend betraying him and never thinks about how his sister feels. Ever. It is ALWAYS like this with this trope. Saying that, I am looking forward to the other books in the series, I'm assuming we will get a roommate trope for Dylan and Hunter and a marriage of convenience for Rowena. I will say that the characters had good chemistry and the banter between them was incredible but this book had a few too many niggles to be one of my favourite Camilla Isley novels. Tropes: - Stuck together at Christmas - Christmastime - Brother's best friend - Enemies to lovers

3 stars

[lifeofkaze]

9, 16, 25 for… Revante, Dylanielle, Lizion and ROCKSTAR LIZION. 💛

Oooh, I love your picks, and I'm always up for the Rockstars being included so let's gooooo 💛💛💛

9) What’s the most difficult thing they’ve been through together?

Revante: All in all, they are pretty chill and wholesome. Speaking for Reva only here, it was pretty hard on her when she realised how much she actually missed Dante while she was on her travels. Also, realising there was more on her part when she returned - actually being self-conscious about how she is perceived by someone was a very new sensation to her.

Dylanielle: Spending years in a long-distance relationship straight after Dana graduated was pretty hard on both of them, even though they had very different ways of expressing it.

Lizion: Dealing with the aftermath of the Second Wizarding War / The Battle of Hogwarts in particular, and how radically their life changed from there on almost tore the two of them apart for good.

Rockstar Lizion: Uhm... the whole second part of WSI, basically? 😂 In particular, I'd say the phase between Parts 4 and 5, where they both were kind of aware of their feelings for each other but had no chance to act on them was probably the worst for both of them.

16) What would they consider quality time?

Revante: Reva is all about going out and exploring, sharing her passions or making new memories altogether. She'd much prefer showing Dante how to skateboard or explore a new place with him than having a night in.

Dylanielle: Dana didn't care much for hiking or mountain climbing until Dylan began taking her along. Exploring a new trail or climbing track is one of their most favourite things to do.

Lizion: Since they live and work together, they generally spend most of their days in each other's company. That being said, if they manage to sneak away from friends/teammates/kids and be just the two of them - at the beach, stargazing, or even just reading next to each other - they're both perfectly happy.

Rockstar Lizion: It's what they do all day every day, but music runs in their blood. An afternoon spent just making music and jamming would be considered pretty much perfect by both of them. Also, Orion has yet to take Lizzie to that poetry slam he promised her. He will, one day.

25) Pick a physical attribute that they love about each other.

Revante: Reva loves Dante's eyes. She thinks their colour is absolutely beautiful.

Dylanielle: Dylan loves Dana's laugh. It goes from a slight giggle to full-on laugh, and then she gets a hiccup. Funnily enough, it's Dylan's laugh Dana likes most as well, because with Dylan being more on the quiet, serious side, a full laugh from the bottom of his heart isn't something that many people get to hear from him.

Lizion: Lizzie loves the way Orion's eyes light up when he smiles. Even after all these years, his smile still makes her heart beat faster. Orion loves how Lizzie's eyes remind him of the sea, whether it's bright and blue on a sunny day or dark and stormy when there's she's angry.

Rockstar Lizion: Lizzie *loves* all the many tattoos Orion has, and the story behind them. She could probably draw them from memory... if she could draw at all, that is. Orion would be lying if he said that he didn't enjoy the way being a professional drummer and once-aspiring athlete shaped Lizzie's physique.

[nonagesimus]

abominable (Sam/Paul ~1300 words)

(AO3 Link)

For all that Sam prayed, he didn’t like churches when they were filled with people.

He and Dean had stayed with Pastor Jim enough growing up that he’d spent a lot of time in church but a relatively small proportion when Mass was in service. Mostly when there were only a few people around, maybe praying in the pews, maybe lighting a candle. When it was quiet, and easy, and conversations had to be kept soft. Dean hated it, but Pastor Jim didn’t mind answering Sam’s questions, whether they were about monsters, the bible, or his homework, just as long as they didn’t interrupt the parishioners.

There was another priest at the church too, who Sam didn’t talk to much. Didn’t even know if the man knew about the true monsters in the world. He knew that his least favourite thing was Mass when the other man preached. They didn’t stay every time, if Jim wasn’t running the service sometimes he’d take them somewhere else, but when they did. Sat on hard wooden pews, unable to twist himself to sit comfortably, listening to a tirade against sinners.

Sam was thirteen and being bowled over by Bryce Turner during PE had set his heart pounding for reasons completely unrelated to the air being knocked out of him.

Three weeks later he was back in Minnesota listening to this absolute asshole quote Leviticus and- After, Jim seemed to realise something was off. He let Sam hole up in his office until the church was mostly empty again, the congregation finished with their conversations.

“Do you think it’s all true?” Sam asked. “God needs you to follow all those rules?” He couldn’t bring himself to specify.

The way Jim was looking at Sam made him think he might’ve guessed. “I think it’s doctrine,” he said. “And some people find doctrine helpful, but it was written by men. So it has all the same failures as men do.”

Sam let out a long, shaky breath. “Ok,” he said.

Gently, Jim said, “Is there a reason you’re asking?”

“No,” Sam said. Then, quieter, “I just worry. That there’s something wrong with me and-”

“Hey,” Jim says, gripping his shoulder, “Sam. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re the way God made you.”

Sam’s breath got shakier. Jim pulled him into a hug. Sam stayed there for a long time.

And it helped, that conversation. Became a touchstone. After, Jim always had something else to do on Sundays when the other priest was the one delivering the sermon. It wasn’t perfect. There was still plenty to give him that feeling like his skin was the wrong size. Like there was something fundamentally bad. Not just in church, plenty of other places too. But he breathed deep, thought about what Jim had told him. Kept moving. He tried, at Stanford. Plenty of places of worship around, but Sam never learned to like the services better.

Anyway. Turned out he’d had demon blood flowing through him ever since he was six months old, so maybe it wasn’t just the queer thing making him feel weird in churches.

By the time they were back in Blue Earth, Minnesota Sam was sure he had bigger sins to worry about. And it wasn’t like Pastor Jim was still around to comfort him.

“A wedding?” he asked, on edge from the fight, from dying a few scant days before, from kickstarting the damn apocalypse. “Seriously?” It was rude, for sure, luckily the only person who seemed to hear him was one of the soldiers - Paul.

“Yeah,” he said, a hint of a grimace like he agreed with Sam’s attitude. “We’ve had eight so far this week.”

It wasn’t Jim’s church. Still, Sam felt like he could breath easier once he was in the command centre in the basement, and then easier again once he was outside. It was Paul behind the bar - easy rapport with the rest of the soldiers, easy with Sam when he wandered over as well. In a different way.

“That round’s on me,” he said, with a wink and a half cocked smile.

It was warm, and it was recognisable, and it pulled at Sam’s gut. Worse as he turned back to Dean. It wasn’t- he hadn’t been hiding, but it wasn’t like he’d been picking up guys in every town, and they’d never had a conversation. Easy to miss. Idly, he wondered where coming out fell on the list of confessions he’d had to make to Dean over the years. Better or worse than being psychic, or sleeping with Ruby, or the demon blood.

He drank his beer in record time and watched where Paul was serving drinks at the other side of the bar.

It was Dean’s decision when to head back to the motel room, and Paul flipped him a salute when he looked back on his way.

They watched a kid die, and the mother spat the words, “This is your fault.” Dean looked stricken. Sam mentally added a tally to their list. The pluses and minuses. They’d save the town, they would, he had to believe they would, but how many would they lose along the way. Then the beginning of mourning got interrupted by a vision, because apparently angels were that kind of asshole too. A church full of desperate, scared people and they got a litany of rules. Drawing a line in a sand that was just a big circle keeping them penned in.

Sam wanted to tell them being chosen by angels usually wasn’t a good thing, but he held his tongue.

Besides, what was there to say? That he’d met angels, and most of them weren’t worth the effort of trying to impress? That, as far as they could tell, God was taking an extended sabbatical and didn’t care the apocalypse had started? Sam prayed for Dylan’s soul, but he couldn’t tell where faith ended and habit began.

Dean went back to the church, but Sam couldn’t deal with the people anymore so he slid into the tavern.

Paul leaned over the bar to meet him, and they talked, and it was all that warmth and recognition again. When Sam kissed him, Paul’s smile was slow and sweet as dripping honey and all he said was, “I should make sure everything’s cleaned up before curfew.”

Were the angels watching, he thought, as he flaunted the rules they’d laid down? And, sure, this particular set of rules from a soft-spoken midwestern preacher hadn’t said anything specific about ‘perverts’ but Sam had heard enough sermons in enough churches to read between the lines. Even if it mattered, it was far from the only thing damning him, and he won’t give this up, the warmth, the burn, Paul’s hand curled in his shirt as he tugged him behind the bar.

Dean asked where he’d been and he said, “Drinking,” with the taste of Paul still on his tongue.

Anyway, it wasn’t God, it wasn’t angels, it was just more demons, and it should have been obvious from the get go. Castiel was sitting beside him on the couch, still smelling strongly of whiskey, calling Sam an abomination like it was obvious, because it was. Dean’s eyes flickered to Sam like he was waiting for him to protest.

What could he say? The knees of his jeans were still damp because Paul had just finished mopping the floors when Sam sucked him off.

He still had demon blood in him.

He still dreamed about the devil.

Sitting sides pressed together on the bar floor, arms slung over each other - laughing and warm in the knowledge that there were still things that were good. They didn’t last forever, they didn’t even last long, but they were bright enough to dispel the darkness. Paul had turned his head and pressed his lips to the point of Sam’s jaw, then again an inch in, worked his way along to his mouth and kissed him properly.

It did not feel like sin. It did not feel like an act of rebellion. It felt like an act of reverence.

It felt divine.

[mysweetgeo]

Do You Want to Know a Secret ? (Part 7)

Summary: Reader and George have been best friends since they were kids, but when The Beatles got big, they were forced apart. What happens when George returns for a couple weeks wanting their friendship to return to normal?

It was a few days before you saw George again, and you knew his time back home was running out.

Fearful that he’d leave in three days and soon forget you again, you called him asking him to come over for drinks, something you’d have done a few years ago when you would snag a bottle of vodka from your father’s liquor cabinet and replace what you’d drank with water.

You’d gone to the liquor store and gotten a large bottle of vodka, and stopped at the grocery to grab a couple bottles of coke to chase the alcohol with.

You were wearing a green velvet mini skirt with a white blouse tucked into the waistband when George arrived, you’d told him just to come in and lock the door before he came upstairs.

“Hey,” you said with a grin as you held up the large bottle of vodka.

He smiled in return, “Hello, love,” he replied, sitting beside you on your bed.

“Straight up or mixed?” You asked, holding two square scotch glasses.

“I think I’ll do with just a coke for right now, let me settle in,” he said with a laugh, taking the bottle from your hand when you handed it to him.

“Suit yourself,” you mumbled before taking a shot straight from the bottle, your face contorting as the liquid burned its way down your throat.

He laughed at the face you made before noticing the Bob Dylan album you had on the turntable. he hummed at this realisation, “I quite like his tunes, don’t you?” He asked.

You nodded, “I do, lotsa bluesy ones on this one,” you replied, setting the bottle down as the disc came to an end. “What would you like to listen to?” You asked as you stood, removing the disc and placing it carefully back into the sleeve.

“Doesn’t much matter to me, whatever you’d like,” he replied, taking a sip from his coke.

You nodding, humming to yourself as you sat on the floor to look through your albums.

“You mind if I listen to With The Beatles again? I quite like All My Loving and haven’t been able to get it out of my head in days,” you said, grabbing the album and standing to place it on the turntable.

“‘Course not, just cover your ears at my tracks, they’re ear piercing,” he joked.

You walked back over to your bed as It Won’t Be Long began playing, “that’s not true George, I like all three songs that you sing on this album, your voice is quite soothing,” you said honestly.

He gave you a half smile and looked down at his lap, “No need to kiss up, love, you can admit it’s terrible—don’t go soft for my benefit.”

“‘m not George, honest. I adore your voice,” you said, lifting his chin so he would look at you, “I wouldn’t lie to you about that.”

“But you’d lie about something else?” He asked, teasing you.

You hummed in response, “Oh definitely, don’t ask me about your guitar skills, I wouldn’t be able to hold back.”

He grinned, a loud laugh escaping his mouth.

You smiled, realising your hand was still touching his face and suddenly it burnt you to be this close.

You removed your hand and placed it in your lap, smiling when you heard All My Loving begin to play.

You hummed along with the tune before joining Paul’s vocals, “And then while I’m away, I’ll write home every day, and I’ll send all my loving to you.”

George couldn’t contain the loving smile that spread across his face as you sang, “Your voice is lovely, (Y/N), just as lovely as I remember it being,” he spoke during the small instrumental break.

You flushed, “Oh hush, Geo, I’m no Paul McCartney—or George Harrison for that matter,” you said with a laugh.

He snorted when you’d said his name, “And I’m no (Y/N Y/L/N).”

You rolled your eyes as the song ended and Don’t Bother Me began playing, “You wrote this one, yeah?” You asked.

He nodded, “Terrible isn’t it?”

You shook your head, “On the contrary—I quite like this one, it’s got a darker mood that I cannot get enough of,” you said. “Who is it about?” You asked, looking over to him.

He just shrugged, “Not sure, maybe a bird,” he mumbled.

You nodded, not pressing him any further, “Fancy a shot now?”

He nodded, taking a gulp from the bottle, his face also contorting in disgust as a disapproving groan escaped his mouth.

You laughed, and took one right after him, which didn’t burn nearly as much as the last one you’d taken, though you chased this one with a sip of your coke.

You groaned and stood to flip the record, but grinned when you remembered what the first song on this side was.

“Why’re you smiling like that—you look absolutely mad,” George asked.

You tried to supress your smile, “You’ll see,” you said, coming to sit beside him again.

Well I’m gonna write a little letter, gonna mail it to my local DJ

George groaned as his voice filled the room, causing you to let out a laugh, your body pressing into his as you tried to contain it.

“Sing it for me Georgie!” You exclaimed, after your laughter had subsided.

He rolled his eyes, “You know my temperature's rising and the jukebox blows a fuse, my heart's beating rhythm and my soul keeps singing the blues roll over Beethoven and tell Tchaikovsky the news,” he sang, his eyes on you the entire time.

It was unlike anything you’d ever experienced, his voice wasn’t an exact match to the record, but it was incredible to be sitting across from George, and having him sing to you, and only you—it made you want to kiss him, but you knew you couldn’t do that without consequences.

He continued to sing, reaching over and grabbing your hand, only adding to the warm feeling that bubbled in your stomach.

You tried to push away the feeling as it intensified, and suddenly you were too close to George and it took everything in you to pull away for a second, breaking eye contact with him as you covered what you’d done by grabbing your coke and holding it in your hands.

George tried to his his hurt expression as you took your hand away from his grasp.

The song ended soon after, and you sat silently as the rest of the record played.

You got up to change the record, deciding to play your copy of Please Please Me.

“This okay with you?” You asked, holding up the sleeve as you put the needle on the disc.

George hummed in response, taking another swig of vodka straight from the bottle.

You leaned against your wall observing the cover art for a few moments, your eyes lingering on George and his sweet baby face.

“Who’re ye lookin at Paul or John?” You heard him ask from across the room.

You looked up and met his eyes, “Neither,” you answered honestly.

“Ringo then? Didn’t exactly peg him as your type,” he said with a half-hearted laugh.

You shook your head, “He’s not,” you answered.

“Surely you weren’t looking at me?” he asked incredulously.

“You’ve got a baby face, Geo,” you replied, turning your attention back to the album cover, flipping it over to observe the back.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks.

“That you look young,” you reply, not looking up from the back cover.

He huffed and took yet another swig from the bottle, putting the top back on the bottle and leaning back on your bed.

Soon enough the first side was over and you flipped the disc before taking a large sip from the bottle and laying beside him on the bed.

You smiled when Love Me Do began to play, “I remember when you first released this one,” you said.

He nods, “Feels like so long ago,” he says.

“Can’t believe its been nearly three years,” you said, sighing contentedly.

He only hums in response, leaving the two of you in a comfortable silence for a few minutes as the song plays out.

You’ll never know how much I really love you

You’ll never know how much I really care

All of a sudden you were welcomed with a stirring of feelings in your stomach as a forgotten memory comes back to you.

He pulled you close to him, leaving barely enough room to breathe, and began to sway you back and forth.

He sang softly in your ear, “Do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell? Oh, closer.”

You felt yourself pressing yourself closer to him, aching for him to tell you.

“Let me whisper in your ear,” he murmured breathlessly in your ear, “say the words you long to hear.”

“I’m in love with you,” he whispered, softly kissing your neck.

You sighed in content, allowing him to attack your neck and jaw with kisses.

“Oh, George,” you mumbled softly.

George’s lips moved to your cheek, progressively moving towards your mouth.

You let out a groan when he pulled away, “Can I kiss you?” He murmured.

All you could do was nod, your body aching for his touch, your lips yearning for reciprocation.

You looked into each other’s eyes before George pressed his lips against yours, and your world stopped.

You gasped, sitting up and covering your mouth, looking at George, who seemingly had realized the same thing.

His eyes were wide, looking at you and not knowing what to say or do.

The song played out as the memory played in your mind, his hands on your body burning you as it played out.

You stood up, not knowing what to do with yourself, beginning to pace as you thought the entire moment over in your mind.

George watched you pace back and forth, not wanting to interrupt or say anything wrong.

All of a sudden you stopped and just stared at him, not caring that the music had stopped.

“Why did you kiss me?” You asked.

He looks at you, not quite knowing how to put his feelings into words.

After a moment, he spoke up, “‘ve been mad for you for years, (Y/N),” he said softly.

You felt tears in your eyes, “Years?” You choked out, it almost came out as a whine.

He nodded, confirming what he’d said as he stood up to meet you where you stood in the center of your room.

“You didn’t tell me, George, I-I’ve been trying get over you for years now,” you stuttered, anger coursing through your body. “How dare you keep that from me! I had a right to know!” You yelled, pushing him away from you.

“(Y/N)-“ He began but you interrupted again.

“No, George, I loved you for years—years, George. And then you left, you left and you didn’t even try to contact me or anything! No calls no letters, not even a bloody hello!” You raged, pushing at his chest as you cried.

“Years?” He asked, grabbing your wrists and holding them.

“Yes, years! What part of that don’t you understand?” you yelled, trying to get your wrists free.

“If I’m not mistaken you didn’t speak up either! And last time I checked—love is a two way street,” he yelled back, dangerously close.

“George you don’t get it! You left! You left me here and you just went!” You cried, fighting the grip he had on your wrists.

“You didn’t stop me!” He yelled in your face, maintaining a tight grip on your wrists.

“How can you say that! You know I could never stop you from leaving! What was I supposed to do? Tell you not to go? Even if I did—you’d have resented me for stopping you, the nerve you have to say that,” you said, as you stopped fighting his grip.

“I would have, y’know, I wouldn’t have gone if you gave me a reason to stay,” he says in a deep voice as he released your wrists.

“I wouldn’t have let you even if you tried,” you said quietly, not looking him in the eyes.

It was quiet for several minutes before you spoke again, “I think you should leave, George,” you said in a small voice.

“What? Why? We can work this out—“ He began to step towards you, but you interrupted him by putting a hand on his chest to keep him away.

“I need time, George, you have to give me time,” you said, backing away from him.

“(Y/N),” he said softly, if you weren’t so close you might not have heard him.

“No, George, please,” you begged, opening your door for him.

He looked at you before beginning to make his way to the door, but not before standing in front of you and pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“I love you,” he whispered, turning and walking out the door.

After he’d left, you closed your door, holding the handle for a moment, “I love you, too,” you murmured.

[thewreckkelly]

THE MISEDUCATION OF DEREK KELLY (BEATLES FAN)

(29 November 2021)

Well I woke up Monday morning with no way to hold my head that it didn’t hurt.

The weekend had been spent renewing acquaintance with four old friends whom I’ve known for the better part of forty seven years yet had never met nor spoken directly to – and it all proved a lot to take in. For nearly eight solid hours between Saturday and Sunday I was allowed to get to know these lads a whole heap better - thanks to Peter Jackson and his Fab Four Fan Crew.

My sons Stephen and Robert along with music guru friend David Lloyd have been promoting the documentary to me for more than a year with an anticipation that was always in danger of delivering disappointment. It didn’t, they weren’t and I certainly wasn’t - though there was a level of pre-match trepidation as I positioned myself in front of a 46 inch screen having smoked a gentle one in deference to what and who awaited me – toilet breaks were scheduled for every two and a half hours and bladder be dammed.

The first thing that hits you is the quality of the footage – I’m talking of the physical not the content here. It’s absolutely savage how clean, sharp and immediate the delivery of this fifty two year old film stock and audio tape is – I know it’s all about processing power and algorithmic application but, shit, this return is exceptional however many Apple Dollars were spent on it.

(My heart honestly skipped a beat at the opening scenes as I immediately thought; Jackson is going to do a whole pile of re-enactments to pad the footage – it was tantamount to shocking when I realised it was the actual set of 69, the actual crew of 69 and the actual Beatles of 69 crowding the screen - Look I’m not gay but in all fairness when Paul McCartney walked on to set for the first time dressed in all black and sporting more perfect hair than Vidal Sassoon ..... all in razor sharp HD..... well ..... enough said .... )

I will absolutely concede the entire thing is not for the faint hearted and it does help enormously, (I’m sure), if you are a Beatle nut like me - however as music documentaries go, it is so far ahead of anything else I’ve ever seen – and I’ve seen more than a few believe me – leaving yours truly in no doubt whatsoever this piece of work should only be restricted to that category for catalogue reference purpose as no category I’m aware of would actually describe it properly.

This is an important piece of unsentimental musical history - without the bells and whistles of manufactured performance or staged writing. It should be and must be included and placed high in the pantheon of educational pieces for those who would aspire to knowing what it takes, what it’s like and what it’s all about.

I knew a lot about the Beatles – enough to say my Bonnie is equal to the love you make – before this marathon of TV. I now know the Beatles in a way that takes them beyond the cheeky chappies with a canon of songs you couldn’t beat with a stick.

The music business has a penchant for making people involved with it bitter and twisted and given the four lads from Liverpool had ridden the highest level of fame for nigh on seven years- when this film was originally shot - would lead one to expect a high degree of cynicism – and maybe that was the case in many other aspects of their lives – but when it came to musical creativity, composition, collaboration, cooperation and compromise there is no doubt in my mind it doesn’t get better than what’s on display for the hours of this documentary.

I am and have always been an advocate of music and, particularly, young musicians having a primary role – almost to the point of compulsion - to promote rebellion and, where necessary, revolution in respect of what was and is for what could be and should be.

Chuck Berry, Elvis, Dylan, The Stones, Bowie, The Pistols, Biggie, Tupac, Nirvana, M&M and notable others played their parts and changed the ‘civilised’ world to varying degrees – all imbued with a depth of talent and an ability to express it at the highest level to audiences that got it.

The Beatles just did it bigger and more often and to a greater immediacy of impact. Such impact has endured way past the expected lifetime of any four piece musical combo - and much of the reason for that can be found in Jackson’s ‘Get Back’.

Ringo’s sardonic disposition – clearly representing a working musician/man who has enough nous to know when to hold’em and when to fold’em .....

George, in semi-muted frustration - falling into the category of second fiddle in an orchestra that features two virtuosos of incalculable ability ......

John wallowing in a comfortable genius while exercising a churlish cynicism that is almost brittle when confronted by the awesome creative ability of his co-writer .....

Paul, an undoubted phenomenon, accomplished and sure but betrayed by the inherent need to outwardly portray a polite English diplomacy that never quite rings true .....

All the ingredients of something that almost defies definition – a mess that is anything but Eaton – a moment in time when the pinnacle is reached and the end in sight and, even though we know for certain, we pray for a different conclusion.

I sat and watched four people live a creative experience over a fractious month at a time when the twentieth century was defining change. I sat and watched as music spilled out of three of them. I sat and watched the superior in glorious colour and laughed often and out loud; out of joy, out of envy, out of awe - all with a degree of curiosity as to why it didn’t seem in any way nostalgic.

I held the supporting cast in suitable respect, (taking the opportunity to put some level of living personality to names and faces I knew only from knowing the Beatles). I watched and was satisfied that the New Zealander who put a value and visual substance to Tolkien’s mammoth trilogy had brought his A game to a trilogy recognising the best band of all time.

Mucho Gracias Pedro.

So what did I learn that was new to me or indeed any Beatle fan of long standing?

George

It was hard not to feel some level of sympathy for George despite the fact he comes across as a petulant instigator of much of what Yoko has been traditionally blamed for. The guy had a lot of good songs in him with the occasional great one to properly stamp his card as a fully paid up member of the band. But the lack of - what could best be described as - an outgoing personality along with his consistent third place finish - in the speed & depth of intellect stakes, (where Paul & John constantly finished in a dead heat) – left him wanting more often than not, reminding me of a suspended chord in need of resolution.

Ringo

I learned absolutely nothing new about the fella who wasn’t even the best drummer in the Beatles other than confirming he’s impossible not to like.

John

His fear of confrontation was not that much of a surprise and his use of sharp clever, witty retorts as a method to conceal an inner neediness is something I had always suspected – though seeing it in the stark environment of casual banter was alone worth the ticket price. JWL’s competence on the guitar was new for me as I’d never associated him with being much more than an innovative rhythm player. Like many before and after me I’ve been through a John or Paul phrase over the years and find my seat on the fence the most comfortable because, while Paul is undoubtedly a musical prodigy in the modern sense, John has an edge that challenges twenty four seven – making him the member of the band who most meets my criteria of rebellious revolution (though it was George & Paul who took an NWA attitude to the police while John seemed a bit unsure).

Paul

I came away from this documentary with a whole new view of James Paul McCartney. In the past I have cringed when ‘pop’ stars are compared favourably to dead classical composers of the highest note but McCartney would not be uncomfortable in the same room as Mozart, Beethoven, JSB or Hayden. He is the living embodiment of music and this is openly on display throughout the seven and a half hours. In my mind he peaked in his relationship with John but that was a very high level, (the highest to be honest), though what he brought to the game after the Beatles was not too shabby in anyone’s language.

I saw George striving to clarify his place with fair entitlement. I saw John enjoying his relationship with McCartney and having no problem with it continuing for as long as it continued. I saw Paul outgrow the Beatles. I saw Ringo.

I could go on about the songs that were literally written before our eyes - or the whole Yoko; ‘seemed okay to me’ thing - or the ridiculous nature of Michael Lindsey Hogg’s views, cigar and accent - or how remote George Martin seemed to be - or how tacky Dick James was - or Mal and his anvil - or the actual true value of Billy Preston .......

For those who crave their information in headlines then this is not a show for you. For those who wonder at what constitutes the depth of artistic creativity and have no problem being a voyeur into the life and times of something special; clear your diary, light a joint and prepare to be enthralled for a long, long series of magic moments.

[lonelier-version-of-you]

In what I can only describe as a blessing from the soap gods, we got not only 2 episodes of Casualty tonight, but 2 good episodes as well. Hell yeah! So, here are my thoughts, divided by episode.

The first episode:

Getting into motorbike racing to avoid dealing with your trauma from being outed is such a Lev thing to do. I love it, and I love him. He was looking great in that racing outfit, too. <3

In general, it was really nice to finally have a Lev-centric episode. I feel like we haven’t had one of those since before the hiatus. All the focus since then has been on ~poor little Faith and her sensitive heterosexual feelings~, which is just... give me a break.

Uriel Emil is such a great and underrated actor, so it was also just nice that he finally got something to do and Lev got some actual character development and insight. Seeing Lev be so kind to the bloke from the racing track was lovely, and gave the audience a much-needed reminder that Lev is (or, can be and should be, anyway) more than a Big Angry Russian Man stereotype.

It was also great to see Marty and Jade supporting each other.

Ethan finally faced up to the fact that he was an absolute bastard when he was clinical lead. Good. I didn’t pay much attention to this storyline though if I’m honest - because while obviously we don’t see every shift at the hospital, and so it’s perfectly possible for this Tabitha lady to have existed and been trained by Ethan in early 2018 without us seeing her on-screen at the time, my brain still refused to process her being retconned into existence lmao.

The second episode:

If the first ep tonight was good, this one was FANTASTIC. You go, Casualty. Four for you, Casualty.

In tonight’s first ep, we got a Lev-centric ep with a Jade subplot; in the second ep, we got a Jade-centric ep with a Lev subplot. As it happens, they’re 2 of my 3 favourite characters (the other one is Dylan, obviously), so I really enjoyed tonight if you couldn’t already guess.

And Jade’s storyline has been brilliantly done indeed. It is written with respect, and care, and sensitivity. It feels real, and like it was done for a reason, not just shoved in for misery. Holby could do with taking lessons from this - compare Jade’s brilliant storyline to the awful, exploitative Henrik storyline going on on Holby right now.

Gabriella Leon is a fantastic actress and deserves all the awards. She conveyed Jade’s emotions so well tonight. That scene where Jade realised Robyn’s drink had been spiked, and tried to figure out what to do, before impulsively swapping the drinks so the bloke would have the spiked drink instead - Gabriella’s acting said so much without a single word.

Indeed, Jade’s trauma from what happened has been written very, very well. I loved how even though you could see that her actions tonight were wrong and not the right way to handle the problem, you could also really see where she was coming from and why she was so angry, and you could sympathise with her.

I think my one issue with this storyline is that I’d like to see Dylan involved a bit more than he has been. But that’s it. Other than that, it’s perfect.

The Bibi (and by extension, Marty) storyline is very good too. More great acting, and more great writing. I’m really glad Casualty is addressing this topic - when I’ve read about things like this in the news, I’ve always thought it would be good for Casualty or Holby to do a storyline about it and raise awareness, and now they finally have. Good on them. It’s a difficult subject, but it’s important to tackle.

Ciaran is as insufferable as ever, but that’s the point, so.

I thought the guest storyline with the pick-up artist guy who secretly had an eating disorder was really interesting, and really well done. Especially with how it ended up intertwining with the story where that dude spiked Robyn’s drink, and you could see how horrified Mark was when he realised what his “school” had led to. What a fascinating way to address toxic masculinity and the harm it causes - and addressing eating disorders in men, which I haven’t seen done on either show before (I’m sure it has been done at some point, but not for a while, I don’t think). Also - while this story could have done with a trigger warning, it did do a MUCH better job of addressing mental health issues in men than the disgustingly-sensationalist, exploitative Henrik storyline on Holby has. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[writingsfromstarfleet]

Damar - The War

♫ - Masters of War - Bob Dylan

For the eternally wonderful @idontgiveahux , I sincerely hope you enjoy this! I’m always down for writing Cardassians, they’re my favourites! Thank you all for reading! Hugs! ♡

The age old question; war, what is it good for? Plenty of points in history gave the same answer. Absolutely nothing. War was brutal, war brought horror, war was truly good for nothing. It brought nothing but destruction of innocent lives, tears to mother's eyes, heartbreak on a mass scale. This war was no different than any other.

Damar was the closest person to you, and had been for a while. You had met each other two years before the war fully broke out, and there was a spark between you that eventually developed into one of the closest relationships anyone could have. In Damar, you had found comfort and a home. In you, the Cardassian had found a safe space and comfort. Over time, you had slowly fallen in love, though neither of you willing to admit it to the other.

Which is why the two of you sat together at a table, drinks in hand, neither one particularly talking to the other. You both knew what the war entailed, and it was worsening by the day. Damar led the resistance, despite your protests and pleas; it was always going to be this way. You knew he was headstrong and capable, there was every chance he would come out of the war alive. But nothing was guaranteed. Tapping the rim of your glass anxiously, you were halted by his hand pulling your fingers from it.

"You'll break it." His voice was low, hand not removing from yours as you looked to him and found him smiling. Damar's smile was rare, but each time it appeared your heart warmed. He was hardly in the mood for humour, but he knew you were sad, and did everything he could to change that. This was always what he did, the worst thing for Damar was seeing you upset, and even in such times as you found yourselves in, his joking tone didn't go amiss. This time, it wouldn't work.

"Do you have to go?" you asked, knowing it was rhetoric. Damar did indeed have to go, you both knew it. You, however, did not want to accept it. You heard him sigh.

"Y/N," he began, but the look you gave him stopped him. Your eyes were watery, slightly reddened. Damar blinked a couple of times, before looking down.

"I know, it's just that.. I'll miss you" your voice low, he looked back up to give you a sympathetic smile. "I just want you to stay, Damar."

He always liked the way you said his name, and memories flashed through his mind in rapid succession of all the times you'd shared together, every time he had heard you say it. Damar never believed he was a man that would fall in love, a man that would worry over such things, and yet here he was. It was not the time for such thoughts or feelings. The last thing he wanted to do was tell you he loved you before heading off to a place he might not ever come back from; he could never break your heart like that. Sullenly, he replied.

"I have to-"

"Fight, yes, I understand. Well, no I don't, but I know you do and I just- well I-" You cut yourself off with a frustrated groan. You had both nothing and everything to say. Quiet befell you both before Damar spoke up.

"Nothing in war is certain, Y/N."

"Reassuring, thanks." Your tone was dry now, and your eyes returned to your glass. Silence fell once more and you sat quietly for a few minutes, neither really knowing what to say. That wasn't entirely true, though. You had the means to tell him how much he meant to you, how much you loved him, but you couldn't. Damar was the same. He had everything to tell you, feelings that had been building up since he met you, and yet, he stayed quiet. You both did.

"Damar?"

Taken aback by your shy, almost whispering voice, he looked to you with concern, turning his body so he was angled toward you.

"Y/N?"

"It's nothing." You backed out, shaking your head at him. Now was not the opportune moment, not when he was in a battle driven mind-set. You couldn't do that to him.

"Talk to me, what is it?" His voice full of worry, he placed a hand on your knee, encouraging you to speak.

"I-um, I don't really know how to begin, but I, um-" You shrugged and left your sentence hanging, and he chuckled slightly, somehow deriving humour from the situation. This you did not find funny. "And you're laughing at?"

"You. Spit it out, Y/N."

"Oh yes, because it's so easy to spit it out that you'll have to sit here and watch the man you love walk to his possible death and-"

Your eyes widened as you realised you'd said too much, and whilst a small part of you prayed he hadn't picked up on it, the look on his face said it all. He had. Damar's eyes widened, too, and you laughed airily yourself; there was no point in backtracking.

"Turns out it is quite easy to spit out, huh." Your tone was dry, and Damar's reply was anything but humorous.

"Y/N, I don't quite know how to respond," Damar began, knowing those weren't the right words but failing to have anything else to say in the moment. You eyes were filled once again with tears, and a few spilled down your cheeks. He raised a hand to wipe them away, leaving said hand cupping your face.

"I get it, I wouldn't have expected anything else."

"It's not that, it's-"

"Then what is it?" You half shouted, not wanting an excuse; you would have much preferred the truth from him. Sighing, he took his hand away and sat back.

"I do feel the same for you, Y/N, I do. I just wouldn't want to give you such hope that I might return when there is equal chance I will not. Perhaps once I return we could, you would allow me to court you, but as of-"

"I get it, you should go. There's a war you need to fight." Your tone was sullen, and Damar could tell you were sad. No amount of humour was going to cheer you up now. Damar felt his heart break at your words, and he stood, knowing any other attempt at conversation was useless.

"Goodbye, Y/N, I'll truly miss you."

Sniffling, you glanced up at him and took in his face one last time. The two of you gave each other small smiles and he wiped a stray tear from your cheek again. You grabbed his hand before he had time to move it and wrapped your fingers in his. Damar looked down at you with unspoken love.

"And I you. Come back to me."

Then, he was gone.

[cptrackham]

There’s too much confusion  Joe x Nicky, The Old Guard

Summary: Nile asks a question about religion and gets two very different answers.

Look at that leather jacket. Those trousers with far too many zips to be practical. That rebel-loving, badass motherfucking artist sings Rolling Stones when he’s cooking and you can pry that headcannon from my cold dead hands.

* “You said you were a priest. Do you still believe?”

There were somewhere in Normandy, France. A town small enough to get some privacy, but that saw enough tourist traffic that none of the locals looked twice at visitors.

Nile had found Nicky reading in their small garden. They had a decent view of the sea from here, even if you had to peer over the rooves of countless houses to find it. At her words, Nicky looked up, confused. “What? In God? Of course.”

“But how?” Nile asked, collapsing onto the grass next to him. “My expectations of pearly white gates have been kind of…” she shrugged, not wanting to say ‘shattered’, but thinking it.

Luckily, Nicky seemed to understand. He closed his book, and smiled at her. “Ah, you got Andy’s ‘God is dead’ speech, then?”

Nile let her head fall into her folded arms. She must look like a petulant child, but she didn’t care. “Yeah,” she muttered, voice muffled.

Nicky laughed softly at her. “Well, I can’t tell you anything with certainty,” he said, which was not what Nile had come to him to hear. “After all, if there was no cause for doubt, there’d be no strength in faith. But I can tell you that all the times I’ve felt nearest to God have happened since my first death.”

Hesitantly – curious, mostly – Nile raised her head. “Really?”

Nicolo nodded. “Absolutely. The Cattedrale di San Lorenzo, in Genoa, wasn’t finished until the late fourteenth century. But entering that building for the first time, a place that holy, so close to where I had first found God – it was the strongest feeling of coming home that I have ever experienced. And when I reached the top of Mont Blanc in the Alps, just in time for the sunrise – there’s no view like it, nothing. You can feel his love in everything you see.”

He was looking out towards the horizon at something Nile couldn’t see, but she followed his gaze anyway. “That doesn’t sound so bad,” she said, with a smile.

“Of course, some of the things that caused me to feel wonder are a bit more commonplace nowadays,” Nicky said, waving a hand almost apologetically. “For instance, Joe and I once challenged ourselves to take a boat to the Americas, just us, in this small thing. The first time you wake up to realise there is nothing around you, no other people, no land, just you in this great expanse… though I guess that’s almost normal, with travel these days. And besides, I’m sure Joe would tell you that was more awful, than awe-inspiring.”

“You talking about me?”

Speak of the devil. Joe had found them, standing in the doorway with a mug in one hand and his sketchbook in the other.

“Talking about religious experiences,” Nicky corrected, in a way that didn’t imply that the two were incompatible.

Joe sighed, smiling. “Oh, you want to hear about religious experiences?” he asked Nile, making his way over. He sank down to the grass with ease. “Atlanta Music Festival, 1970. First time I heard Jimi Hedrix’s cover of The Watchtower. Yeah, Bob Dylan might be the wordsmith, but you hand that song over to Hendrix and that man is purely heavenly magic with a guitar, and when he started on that solo - and the atmosphere in that place, that was something else entirely, at least half the audience was on drugs -”

Wide-eyed, grinning, Nile looked across at Nicky. The poor, long-suffering Italian had his head in his hands.

Joe cut off. He cleared his throat. “Well,” he said, “I guess. The first time I experienced Fajr prayer at Mecca was also kinda good.”

[heavenlysan]

Cruel Love [4]

Mafialeader!San | Detective!Reader | Soulmates | Choi San x female reader | NSFW | Explicit language? |

Words: 2,494

Chapters:

1 | 2 | 3

(Y/N's POV)

Through all my life I've been always treated like garbage but tonight… what a fucking night. What a fucking exhausting ugly night. I was kicked in the ribs and slapped on the face I haven't felt so humiliated in a long time if this whole fake identity is gonna keep me feeling this way I don't know what I'm gonna do and for how long I'll be able to keep it, I admit that it could've been worse but it wasn't and that was thanks to Choi San.

At least the way back home was in complete silence this man Wooyoung didn't say much he just gave me his jacket to cover my legs and after dropping me off at home he just waved goodbye and disappeared.

I decided to take a long bath and a shower after that mess. Being around men and being treated like meat and just like shit in general definitely made me upset. But then there was Choi San, his behaviour confused completely an old man got shot by him and then the same old man apologised to him and then the owner he called him Mister and I swear his hold felt shaky he was scared of him too. But to me he was a completely different man he didn't seem scary he was… a gentleman.

My old phone started ringing I tried to reach for it as it kept ringing and vibrating but when I finally got it whoever was calling hung up. I looked at the screen to see who it was. It was Irene. But I didn't call her back because I didn't feel like talking to people right now the exhaustion was draining me completely and I just wanted to sleep.

I dropped on the bed to try to sleep but the only thing on my head was Choi San. If he is a cold blooded murderer the big head of a Mafia and a most wanted why was he so nice and even charming? And why was he so nice to me.

As I kept moving and rolling on my bed to find a good position to sleep I abruptly got up remembering that I forgot to put on all the artefacts that were given to me to record my first meeting with Choi San. I fucked up big time. If I didn't die at the bar I'm surely going to die when the moment to give all my reports to Irene comes.

"You think somebody is going to love you? You really think that? just look at you you're nothing an animal has more value than you do. You're ugly and you don't behave like a normal human being. If someone ever shows affection to you is only gonna be out of pity." I look around and I'm in a big empty room the lights are pretty dim and across the room there's that man laughing hysterically at me, the room feels extremely cold and I'm shivering and crying, as I try to hug myself to make myself warmer I realise that I'm tied up in chair. Why? "y/n you're still pretty naive if you could only be smart enough people would consider adopting you" he laughs "But you're ugly and stupid and that's why you're still here and you'll always be here" The lights go off but they come back on in seconds but now I'm no longer tied up and the man is now dead in front of me. And then I hear in the distance "RUN"

I wake up abruptly when I hear there's someone knocking on the door. I get up to open the door and before opening I check the clock it's 10am? When did I sleep so much?

I look through the peephole and I fall on my butt. What is he doing here? He knocks harder after the noise I made by falling down and I'm unable to comprehend what's going on why is Choi San at my door?

"I'm coming" I run to hide all the papers and my old phone under the mattress making sure this place doesn't look like a detective is living here. And I try to look a little bit decent before opening the door.

I shyly open the door "Hey"

He looks so well dressed he's wearing all black and his shirt is unbuttoned just enough to expose a little bit of chest.

"Hi" He says with a smile on his face, "I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind, Wooyoung told me where you live, I just wanted to make sure you were alright"

"Oh you didn't have to, everything's alright after he dropped me off I just went to sleep" I say awkwardly and then I remember that we're still on the door "Shit I'm sorry you wanna come in? I can make you some coffee" He smiles again and just enters.

"You have a nice place" he says and I get so embarrassed because all my normal clothes and my fake ones are all scattered around.

"I'm sorry for the mess let's stay in the kitchen please"

I'm doing a terrible job I'm supposed to be a confident and sexy woman but instead I'm being my normal awkward self, he's gonna find out that I'm a detective and he's most likely going to kill me.

"Don't worry about that princess I don't mind, it's making you blush and you look adorable"

I don't even want to answer that "So how do you like your coffee?"

"Black is alright" He sits and stares at me.

I try to analyze him he's staring at me but it's not the way my boss stares at me or they way Dylan does or the way any other man has ever stared at me. His stare feels… Kind and just different and Choi San keeps confusing me. I snap back when I get embarrassed and turn around breaking our staring contest.

"By the way, it's good that you're here your friend gave me a jacket last night you can take it with you" I say still not looking at him.

"That was my jacket, before you got on your car I gave it to him for you, your dress looked like it was making you uncomfortable"

"Oh" I genuinely don't know how to keep the conversation going I turn around to face him and he smiles really big… he has dimples, beautiful ones "Thanks and thanks for everything last night" I give him his coffee and I sit down next to him.

He sips the coffee and looks back at me "You were new right?"

"Yeah it was my first day there"

"No no I mean new as a…" He tries to find a better word than prostitute.

"A prostitute"

"A sex worker"

"It's the same thing but yes I'm new why?" I try to figure out where this is going to.

"It's nothing princess" He smiles and flips back his hair "I just knew it the moment I saw you"

And then I laugh not so much since I don't want to offend him "Then I probably looked lost"

"Not exactly princess you looked fierce like you weren't up to let anyone touch you and if someone even dared to you'd probably jump on them, you have this gaze that amazed me"

I look at him almost confused and lost. Choi San what do you mean with that and why did you have to appear here. I know that he's lying just to make me feel better about myself If I had looked fierce like he said nobody would've touch me but two men did.

"But anyways, another reason I'm here is because last night I paid for your services" He looks at me and I freeze completely he wants to have sex? As in right now? If he tries something what am I gonna do? I realise that I probably look like a fool when he starts laughing.

"What things are you imagining in your head? I'm not here to have sex princess I want to take you out for dinner"

"Dinner?"

"Yes" He puts a single piece of my hair behind my ear.

He is so close I can see every detail of his face he has a mole close to his eye and I must admit Choi San is extremely good looking and I kind of want to punch him in the face for that nobody should be that handsome.

"I'll go" I say and he opens his eyes not believing what I just said I give him a shy smile and he does the same.

He finishes his coffee and gets up to the door "I'll come back tonight to pick you up at 7pm" he gently holds my chin and I thoughtlessly hold my breath. "I'll see you later princess" And then he walks away.

I close the door and I drop on the floor holding my legs astonished not knowing what just happened confused it's not even the word to describe what I'm feeling right now what am I even feeling right now?

My old phone starts ringing and it brings me back to this dimension.

"Hello?"

"Miss y/ln, it's Irene I called you yesterday but there was no answer everything went alright? We don't expect you to meet Choi San right away that would be impossible he's definitely unreachable but we'll get ther…"

"I met him" There's a silence on the phone

"You what? You recorded everything right? That's crucial for this investigation"

Fuck

"No I didn't" I pause and I close my eyes with fear "I forgot to put on the mic"

There's another silence. She's pissed.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that, today you're completely free I want an extremely detailed report I told you this is important and you're not in the place to fuck this up"

"I'm actually not free I'm seeing him again tonight"

"That is not possible we've been trying to get slightly close to him for the last 2 years and you got this close in one night? There is no way" She pauses "You had sex with him didn't you? After all you're pretending to be a prostitute I guess you played too well your new role"

Her words are hurtful and I take a moment to absorb what she just said.

"Okay I want the report tomorrow morning" Before I speak she ends the call.

No I did not have sex with him you stupid bitch. "you played too well your new role" that was disrespectful and so unprofessional just because she has a higher position than I do more money than I do and more in general than I do doesn't give her the right to talk to me like this.

I get in the shower and after that I quickly grab something to eat if I'm gonna be busy with Choi San and I have to send my report in the morning I need to start writing now.

Choi San

…

Hours pass and absolutely nothing comes to my mind what should I even write? Choi San is a charming man that respects women? They would laugh at me. I can't write about him shooting a man it would be just like the people that tried to report him we have no evidence without evidence we're back to zero I don't know who's the man that he shot to have him as the victim so that's not really an option besides that man looked frightened he didn't even want to make eye contact with Choi San I'm pretty sure he would deny everything or blame someone else.

There's a knock on the door is that him? No way it's still too early and I look like trash. I see through the peephole and there's a delivery guy. He probably has the wrong address but I open the door anyway.

"Hello package for y/n" Says the delivery man.

What?

"You have the wrong y/n then, I didn't order it"

"No ma'am I got specific instructions to send it exactly here just sign here please" Oh shit I don't have a fake signature, I improvise one and the man gives me a big red box I say thanks and I close the door.

I've watched a lot of movies and I just know that this is from him but this can't be good a mysterious box out of the blue is a big red flag, he totally found out about the real me and he probably sent a snake, a deadly one to kill me. I stare for too long at the box across the room he was too nice to be real it was just a facade.

After over thinking for too long I grow a pair and I slowly open the box there's thin paper covering whatever it's inside but thankfully there's no sign of a snake I remove all the paper. It's a dress and at the bottom of the box there's a card.

Just a little something for tonight you can wear this or whatever you want, I know you'll look beautiful regardless of what you choose

San

Wait… I take a few steps back not believing what I'm seeing. I jump on the bed and I put a pillow on my face and I let out a big and loud scream. First of all what the fuck.

I get up again and I hold the dress pressed against my body in front of a mirror it's a beautiful tight black dress with long sleeves and exposed shoulders. It's so pretty and it isn't too short and that's such a relief it's the perfect length for me.

It's 6pm he'll be here in an hour so I have to hurry up. I put on the dress and must say I don't look bad at all it fits so well it's as if it was designed just for me I check tutorials on the Internet to do my makeup no the one I'd usually wear to work or any other simple day but something more fitting to the occasion. I look at myself in the mirror I feel weird in all this since I don't think I've ever looked like this but I feel confident and happy with myself.

I look up to the clock and I apparently took too much time on my appearance it's almost 7pm and he'll be here any moment now. I run back to the room opening the briefcase and search for the artefacts to actually record my meeting with Choi San this time I grab the mic and the mini camera that look like earrings and I put them on.

I hear a soft knock on the door and I stare at myself one last time on the mirror and I turn on both the mic and the camera before finally opening.

Oh shit

[writingsbychlo]

Your Dylan’s girlfriend and the both of you are in quarantine together and he’s watching over his ex’s dogs (I need drama Drabble please)

these are getting long so I’m gonna start putting the ‘keep reading’ bit under them.

You had never had a problem with the dogs before, you loved dogs, you really did. All animals were absolutely adorable, and when you’d gone on dates to walk the dogs together before, you had a blast.

But, you were already irritated and kinda’ snarky and extremely stressed. The world was really overreacting, you were in a two-week self-isolation and now you wanted pasta but could you find any when doing your shopping two days ago? Could you fuck.

You loved all dogs, but these weren’t even yours, and yet your favourite blanket was still ruined by the fur all over it that you couldn't shake off, and the smell of dog was lingering all over the house, being that you couldn't exactly take the little guys for a walk, instead, they had to make do with running around the large garden outside.

You had done your best to hide how you felt, blame it on the quarantine and stress because all in all, you were now getting two weeks of uninterrupted time with your boyfriend where he wouldn't travel, he wouldn't get any calls, and nobody would come knocking at your front door.

The two of you had quite a few activities planned, and you had been very excited to reveal a certain new deep blue lingerie set you had bought a while back and had yet to show him, until someone had come knocking at your door to nights ago.

Someone, being a very pretty whirlwind of golden blonde hair and smiles with two beautiful dogs on a lead and an insistence that they would be happier here because she had a penthouse apartment and here they could have a garden to play in for two weeks.

You weren’t a monster, dogs needed fresh air and grass and you had that, she didn’t.

She’d pressed a kiss to your cheek and squeezed you in a hug and given you all the supplies you might need, as well as a gift bag with a very nice bottle of wine in for the two of you to share, and some things she’d managed to find left in stock that she wanted to gift the two of you.

You could hide it at first, but now it was like the smallest thing seemed to irk you. The smell of the dog food, the wince you got when little claws scraped on hardwood floors and you wondered if they left scratch marks, the way they whined outside the bedroom door to be let in to sleep on the bedroom floor at night, the way the house got cold every time Dylan left the patio doors open so the dogs could run in and out freely.

He had started to notice too, because now when they jumped up on the couch to sit with him, he put them back on the floor with a sad little voice that he tried to hide. He would choose instead to take his coffee and the paper and sit outside with the dogs so he could close the door, and he would seal himself in the kitchen with the door shut when he fed them, and you could hear him talking to them happily in muffled voices as they ate.

The dogs were adorable, and you loved them, and really, you felt awful about all this, but you also felt like Dylan was one more small sigh from you away from starting to sleep on the couch instead of in bed with you.

Now, the water was running for the shower as Dylan hummed to himself happily in the water and you were sitting on the floor before the couch, both of the dogs staring at you with wagging tails and happy faces. 

“Stop staring at me. I’m not rubbing your belly, because then I’ll have to rub both of your bellies, and my hands will smell like dog, because we haven’t washed you yet and you’re all muddy.”

You scowled at the creatures in front of you, but their sweet faces won in seconds and you let out a deep and overdramatic sigh, lifting one of your hands and immediately they both came sniffing at your hand the wagging of their tales only increasing exponentially as you scratched at their ears and petted their heads gently.

“I don’t hate you, you know.”

It was as if the dogs could understand you, one of them letting out a gruff little noise as the other whined a little, giving you a look as if to tell you they didn’t believe you.

“I don’t! I swear it. I think you’re really cute. I just hate what you represent.” 

One took a seat, cropping against you and under your arm with such force that you let out a soft ‘oomf’, but the little lick you got on your neck after a wet nose nuzzled at your skin broke you down a little and you cooed at them, the other climbing into your lap, and taking a seat, staring you in the eyes as you slumped slightly.

“Your momma and daddy were together for like... seven years. You’re their babies, and they have so much love for you. They had so much love for each other that they got you guys, and you kinda’ scare me.” 

You sniffled, the one in your lap leaning forward to sniff at your cheek a single tear fell and you let out a laugh under your breath as the tear was wiped away onto the dog's snout.

“That’s a lot of love to have for someone, and I love you guys, but you’re like a little family and it makes me feel like the unwanted step-mom, because you always get so excited to see Dylan. you must miss him so much.” You were holding the dog in your laps face in your hands as you let your baby-voice come out, making little kissy faces at the animals as you sighed wistfully. “I’m insane. I’m talking to my boyfriend and his exes dogs because they make me feel inadequate and insecure. I’m a fucking loser.”

The one in your lap barked slightly and you let out a laugh, rolling your eyes as the one beside you growled a little at being disturbed from its sleep.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I-” Suddenly, the one before you perked up, looking over your shoulder as Dylan let out a whistle, still pulling his shirt over his head as he wandered into the room and both dogs scampered over to him in a flurry of happy woofs and wagging tails. 

Clearing your throat and wiping your face, you stood up, moving around the room and keeping your head down as you headed toward the corridor. “Where are you going, baby?”

“T’ shower.” You muttered, not daring to let your voice get any higher in case it cracked and you could feel Dylan’s confused stare on you as you retreated.

“You said you didn’t want to shower when I invited you to join me?”

“I changed my mind. I won’t be long and then you can wash the mud from the pups and I’ll make dinner.” He didn’t get a chance to reply, because you had sealed yourself behind a closed door, the lock the two of you never used when you were alone was slid into place and the man sighed as he crouched down, looking at the happy animals before him.

“Oh, what am I gonna’ do, you guys”?

It was two days before Dylan had a chance to voice the conversation he had accidentally overheard between you and the pets he had running around his home. He’d been on a video call running a script for almost six hours when he finally got to leave it, and due to the timezone difference between everyone, it had ended up being very late. He’d expected that you would have gone to bed, so when he wandered down the hall to see you lying on your back and staring at the TV with a blank look on your face, one dog under your arm and another on your chest, he’d been rather surprised.

Snapping a few pics on his phone, he made his presence known, and you’d turned to face him, giving him a small smile as he made his way around the sofa, scooping up the dog that had been lying on top of you into his arms and making faces at the animal lovingly as he sat down, lifting your feet into his lap as the dog snuggled halfway between his legs and yours.

“It’s nice to see you with my dogs, you know.” 

You swallowed thickly under his gaze, eyes flicking to him for a second before trying to refocus on the program you hadn’t really been watching in the first place. “They’re not so bad.”

“They meant a lot to me when I got them, all those years ago.” You bit down on your lip, humming absentmindedly and mumbling an unenthusiastic ‘I bet’, and Dylan huffed, turning off the TV so that you were forced to really pay attention to him right now. “They meant I was growing up. In a ‘holy shit, I’m going to actually own a pet’ kind of way. Britt just happened to be who I was with at the time. I pictured the present with her, I pictured dogs, and Teen Wolf, and Mets games. I love my dogs.”

“I’m happy for you, Dylan.”

“I don’t picture that stuff with you.” Your jaw dropped at his words, but you pulled yourself together, nodding as you dragged your gaze to the sleeping animal before you, reaching out to scratch behind his ears as you squeezed your eyes shut, sniffing quietly. “Shit, baby, are you crying? Why are you cr- oh, God, I just realised how that sounded, I’m not breaking up with you!”

“Kinda’ sounds like a breakup, Dyl.”

He panicked, lifting the pup from his lap and placing him on the couch as he came to kneel on the floor beside your head, pushing hair back from your face and cooing at you to open your eyes. “When I was with Britt I picture the present, where a dog was the biggest of my commitments, and I lived on the go and my biggest thrill in life was having time to catch a baseball match.”

“Dylan..”

“With you, I picture the future. I picture the little feet scampering about on the floor being those of beautiful babies we made together. We own a house, and I have a real home to come back to and the biggest thrill in my life is knowing I get to come home and see you, no matter where I go or what I’m doing. Whether we’re going to watch the Mets play or whether we’re going to order pizza and take a bath. You’re my future, do you understand that? I want commitments and babies and marriage and everything that comes with a future with you.”

You gaped at him for a moment, fresh tears still spilling down your cheeks as he wiped them away with his thumbs, a soft smile on his face as you huffed out a sigh at him, sniffing happily and nodding. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, I want all of that with you, Dylan. I want commitments and babies and marriage and everything that comes with a future with you, too.” You pouted, and he grinned, leaning forward to place a long and delicate kiss to your lips. 

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” You whispered the words against his lips, and he sighed happily against your mouth, capturing you in a deep kiss once again. “You can let the dogs sleep on the bed tonight.”

“God, you really have no idea how perfect you are to me.”

[lifeofkaze]

October Writing Challenge 2021 - Day 2

The most adorable Saffron Summers belongs to my favourite person @the-al-chemist 💛💛💛

“Are you coming or not?” Danielle Parkin asked for what felt like the hundredth time.

She and her friend Saffron Summers were on their way down to the hut belonging to Rubeus Hagrid, Care of Magical Creatures professor and resident gamekeeper of Hogwarts. The big pumpkin patch next to his hut was full to the brim with pumpkins of all forms and sizes, and Dana had been excited for days to go and collect some for various, very autumnal purposes; she had even painted her nails a bright red orange to mark the beginning of her favourite season of all times.

But at the rate they were going, they would be lucky to reach Hagrid’s hut by Christmas.

Like so many times already, Saffron, who was walking her bunny Gavin on a plaited hemp leash, had stopped and fallen behind. She had kneeled down and was inspecting a pile of leaves, discussing something with her furry friend Dana couldn’t hear.

Usually, she patiently let Saffron be her unique self, but today, Dana was impatient to get down to the pumpkin patch.

“Come on, Saff, we don’t have all day,” she sighed as Saff skipped down the path toward her.

“Oh yes, we do,” Saffron answered dreamily. “The moon phase is perfect for picking pumpkins the whole day. You want to go to Hagrid’s because Dylan will be there. Gavin agrees with me,” she added matter-of-factly.

Dana felt the heat rise to her cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I can go and see Dylan any time I want, why would I be excited about him… this. Excited about this, I mean,” she corrected herself hastily.

“I don’t know,” Saffron shrugged and seemed to look right through Dana for a moment. “Your aura is such a beautiful pink, do you know that? Like a summer sunset.”

Humming to herself, Saffron strolled past a confused Dana, who followed her with a shake of her head.

They reached Hagrid’s hut without any more unplanned stops a short while later. Dana couldn’t help the elated smile spreading on her face as her eyes scanned the pumpkin patch. Hagrid had outdone himself this year, and some of the pumpkins stood even taller than Dana herself. The thought about sitting in a giant jack-o-lantern made her chuckle.

Dana clapped her hands enthusiastically. “Alright, let’s get to work.”

They ventured out into the pumpkin patch on the lookout for the perfect specimen. When they reached the other side of the vegetable garden, Dana could see two figures sitting on the low wall separating Hagrid’s garden from the Forbidden Forest. It was Dylan Amari, who Dana had known all her life, and his Muggle friend, who often helped Hagrid with his classes. They were bent over some sort of leather harness they were in the process of mending.

Before Dana could stop her, Saffron had already called out to her two friends. Dylan looked up from his work upon hearing his name, and smiled broadly when he saw Dana and Saffron. He said something to his friend and hopped down from the wall. The cold October breeze stirred his dark, messy hair as he walked towards them, and Dana suddenly found her heavy knit cardigan a tad too warm.

Saffron looked at her curiously. “So much pink,” she sighed and danced off to continue her search; Dana didn’t join her, instead waiting for Dylan to reach her.

“You could have told me you’re coming down,” he said with a warm smile. His voice was low and had a warm timbre to it that reminded Dana of a warm hearthfire. “What are you doing here?”

“Hagrid said we could have some pumpkins. You know, for decorating and baking.”

Dylan hummed in response. “Any luck so far?”

Dana showed him her empty hands and laughed. “Apparently not. I want them to be just right.”

Dylan looked at her sceptically. “Isn’t one pumpkin like the other?”

“Absolutely not,” Dana said vehemently. “There’s size to consider, and colour, and form and so many other things.”

“Uh-huh,” Dylan said, looking unconvinced. “So you’re looking for the perfect pumpkin, I get that. But what in Godric’s name is Saffron doing?”

Dana turned around to see Saffron repeatedly circling a particularly large pumpkin. Gavin the rabbit was sitting on top of it and looked just as bewildered as Dylan.

“Don’t you think that one’s a little big, Saff?” Dana called out to her; she didn’t fancy carrying that one back to the school at all.

Saffron shook her head, her blonde hair flying around her like a halo. “I think this one has completed its last growth cycle,” Saffron called back, “let me just check.” She reached into one of the many pockets of her colourful jacket and produced a gleaming crystal on a delicate chain. She held it close to the pumpkin and studied the tiny movements of the pendulum in her hand with a concentrated look.

“She’s trying to determine if that is the correct pumpkin to pick,” Dana explained to Dylan before he could ask, “she takes this very seriously.”

“I can see that,” Dylan said wryly. “But what is she doing now?”

Dana turned around again and had to stifle a sigh; Saffron had put her crystal away and was now sitting on the ground hugging the giant pumpkin as far as her arms would reach. They didn’t even go halfway round; considering its impressive size, Dana contemplated if levitating the gigantic pumpkin all the way back would work.

“She is apologising to the pumpkin that we are about to pick it,” she said. She had to bite her lip to keep herself from laughing at Dylan’s incredulous expression.

“She does realise that it’s a pumpkin, does she?”

“Tell that to her.”

“It’s a pumpkin, Saff. It doesn’t mind getting picked, you know? That’s kind of the whole point of growing them,” Dylan said to the sad looking girl on the ground with a louder voice.

“How would you like getting ripped out of the home you’ve known your entire life and carted off to some unknown destination?” Saffron said and wrinkled her nose. “Don’t worry, dear Pumpkin,” she said more softly and laid her cheek against the orange surface, “I am very sorry we are about to pick you, but I’ll promise we’ll make a delicious pie out of you.”

They gave Saffron and her pumpkin another moment before Dylan sliced its stem and helped Dana levitate it back to the school. It was really heavy so Dana was glad for the assistance, as a sniffing Saffron was too sad about the pumpkin’s demise to concentrate properly; she covered her mouth when Dana had to magically slice it in two to make it fit through the door that would lead them to the dungeons.

When they had reached the kitchens, Saffron had regained most of her composure again.

“Do you want to help us bake?” she asked Dylan when he was about to return to Hagrid’s hut again. “I think Dana would like some help.”

“I’m no use in the kitchen, but you can call me any time to judge the results,” Dylan laughed and turned to go.

Dana watched after him as he quickly walked up the stairs and vanished around the corner. She hastily raised her wand again when the pumpkin halves floating next to her almost came crashing to the ground.

“What did you ask him for?” she asked Saffron, who leaned her head against Dana’s shoulder with an other-worldly smile. “We do this every year. I don’t need his help.”

“Just a feeling,” Saffron said dreamily, “very pink.”

[thiamfresh]

I’m sorry for my evil! This one will be less mean I think. Not in a ship sense, but more just...dynamics: Sceo, Steo, Maleo, Thydia, Thason And I’m curious both in season 5 and what you’d imagine post season 6/redemption?

I love that you say “less mean” and yet it was the hardest thing to do, so it’s a few days late but here we go!

1) Steo. I loved their relationship in season 5. Theo may have been evil but him and Stiles had amazing scenes together and Cody and Dylan played their scenes so well. Theo has a real respect for Stiles and I really loved their dynamic. I wish we got more of them in 6

As for after Theo’s redemption. !! Fuck yess. Honestly, Stiles and Theo’s relationship is one of my favourite things to think about. Especially after Theo stops being a giant dick. I love the idea of them slowly becoming friends again. I headcanon Stiles and Theo were close as kids. I mean, Stiles knows immediately Theo’s different and seeing them slowly learn to trust eachother again would be amazing. I’m really excited to write more for Stiles and Theo and airplanes is kinda how I think about them. When Theo gets off of the train in airplanes and Stiles follows they have a bit of a chat which I will be writing for Theo’s POV and it gives my kinda headcanons about their whole friendship and Stiles’s mindset about both evil Theo and redeemed. I think they can definitely make up but it’ll be very awkward for both of them.

2) Thason. I mean, you gotta love these two. You have Theo. The dread doctors first success, even though it wasn’t quite as successful as they wanted and Mason, the dread doctors real success. I don’t think Theo really thought anything about mason at all until they work together in the sewers in season 6 and Mason is all “I don’t trust you thot.” After that I can imagine he maybe not rspected Mason more but gave him more mind.

As for post redemption, I think despite what Mason said they’d actually get on quite quickly if they gave each other a chance. I don’t think they’d ever be best friends but I imagine Mason being one of the people Theo feels most comfortable around in the McCall pack. After seeing Theo take Gabes pain I think Mason’s view on Theo would change quite quickly, not to say he’d forgive and forget immediately but I think he understands how big a thing that was and understands that Theo is actually trying (and succeeding) at changing.

3) Sceo. GODDDD like okay, I didn’t give a shit about Scott and Theo in the series itself. (at least series 5) It just..didn’t really interest me but Theo’s return and post canon is again a really interesting dynamic. Scotts faced a lot of enemies but Theo definitely fucked that boy up the most because not only did he really trust him but Theo didn’t just use other people against him physically (like Gerard hurting Stiles/threatening Melissa) but emotionally. YEARS of friendship and trust with Stiles were broken in a few months time, His beta turned on him, like...Theo ripped that pack apart and that is a lotttt to deal with and i think, realistically, it would be something he’s still dealing with, though those relationships have been fixed those things are always going to be there. he’s always going to know that Liam turned against him and Stiles turned away from him.

But yeah, so, like, Scotts super forgiving and once he realises Theo is changing he does start to forgive him but Theo did something that he really can’t forget. Like... With Peter Scott knows he’s a shit but at the same time, letting Peter in in his own way again and again is okay because he knows what to expect and he doesn’t ever fully trust him. He trusts him enough, but he also trusts what he knows about Peter to keep everyone safe but with Theo, Theo did it so well that Scott will never fully trust his judgement. I think there will always be an underlying sense of fear and mistrust there no matter what Theo does.

Saying that, I do think they can be friends and allies but yeah...it’s always going to be strained between them. Scott will never fully trust him, he will never let Theo be pack again and Theo knows it. It’s why he never called Scott because he’s fully aware of what he did and that while he might be able to be closer with Scott they’ll never be close.

4) Thydia. Honestly, they would have some killed banter if Teen Wolf would just let them. They’re both smart as shit and they would definitely be ‘friends’. Like with Scott there's too much there to ever really forget and I also think neither of them would want to be friend friends with the other but I feel like in a group setting they would be the ones sharing looks when someone says something stupid and just generally have a pretty interesting sense of comradery when they’re together. 

I picture them post good boy Theo being like that one cousin at a family reunion that you don’t really know that well but when Grandmas knocking back the vodka and spouting off some bullshit you find them to stand next to and silently bond while judging but you forget they exist the moment you leave until next year when grandmas reaching for the bottle again.

5) Maleo. In the show it was interesting but most of that is because I’m still 100% sure that Theo’s gay and he just chose Malia to try and seduce because Stiles immediately didn’t trust him so he could tap that. Post series I picture them just always being absolutely fucking feral around each other.

[elixir448]

Beth x Rio and OTP questions -- What’s the first thing that changes when they realise they have feelings for each other? and -- who says I love you first?

I am pretty sure that I am answering this wrong and maybe I’m supposed to create a written piece for the two characters but honestly the thought of writing for these two makes me cringe. I’m sure I’d be terrible at it!! So, I’m just going to answer the questions literally and hope that’s what you wanted!

Right, so. The first question is so painful because I am convinced that Beth and Rio were a little in love with each other. I know it is controversial but the more I think about season 2, the more it makes sense. In order to unpack your first  question, I guess we need to have a think about when they started to have feelings for one another and then when they realised that this was the case.

Honestly, I think that these two caught feels for each other as early as season 1. Certainly, those feelings were mainly comprised of intense curiosity, desire and the fact that they both seemed aware of the electric connection between them, something that neither of them anticipated.

I mean I’m sure if you asked the collective fandom when Beth and Rio developed feelings for one another, the answers would wildly vary.

It’s evident that Rio had been thinking about Beth prior to their conversation in her van (1x05), as indicated by “what are you doing with someone like me?”. Even before then, as soon as Beth and Rio were in the same space as one another, it was like they couldn’t quite remove their focus from the other person, like they were orbiting one another. At this point, after seeing the scale of Rio’s operations, it’s clear to me that he never had to deal with the girls directly after 1x02; initially, it was about using the girls to get his product from Canada and seeing what these suburban mamas could contribute but eventually it was like he couldn’t help himself. I mean, we’ve seen how many times Rio redirects his attention back to Beth whenever Annie or Ruby say something. It seems as though he doesn’t want to look away and it really makes me wonder if, of the two, Rio was actually the first one to catch feelings? Something more than just an awareness of their charged connection.

One of the other reasons I think Rio developed feelings for Beth first is that he’s been making exceptions for Beth for a long ass time, since almost the beginning of their professional relationship. That doesn’t mean he’s not hard on her but it could have, and probably should have, been way worse. It’s not smart for a person like Rio to make exceptions; he never made any for Eddie and I think he knows that he never should have for Beth either. I think it was intrigue that drove him to listen to her and give her some leeway and then I think he was too impressed not to hear her out. Eventually though, I believe he just liked it. He liked seeing her and talking to her in cars and cafes, he enjoyed their loaded conversations and eye-fucking and I think he genuinely wanted her. Like really wanted her. To the point that he let her get away with things that no one else could, like turning him in. Honestly, I oscillate between thinking that he first became aware of his feelings for her at the end of 2x02 or maybe he was full on punched in the face by them in 2x09, after she kissed him and he just stared at her. Or maybe he knew he was f***ed when he retrieved the Dubby for her and stuffed it into her mailbox, instead of leaving it when he confirmed that Jane hadn’t been kidnapped. We saw how soft and open he was with her in 2x08 on her picnic bench. So basically, I don’t know when he realised and I love that it probably snuck up on him, past all the eye-fucks and amusement and exasperation.

So now that I’ve got that out of the way, let’s address your first question, considering Rio’s POV first. I think the first thing that changed was that he suddenly became aware of how dangerous she is to him. In season 2 and probably in the latter half of season 1, I don’t think he could have killed Beth even if he wanted to. There was no way he was going to kill her after he said “Elizabeth. Go home” in 1x09. Also, I’ve said it before but I really do think that throughout 2x02, Rio didn’t know what to do with Beth, who by all accounts was his rotten egg at that point. A rotten egg he couldn’t deal with, despite berating her for being unable to handle her own. I believe that Rio is very self-aware and knew how many exceptions he had made for her but perhaps had convinced himself that it would be worth it, because she was useful. And the thing is she was. But in the business, I think she’d also be considered more trouble than she’s worth.

Realising that he had feelings for her would force him to reckon with the fact that, even though there is a clear imbalance of power in their professional relationship, she actually wields far more power over him that even she is aware of in their undefined personal relationship. And I think as soon as he became aware of that, he was forced to regroup and evaluate what he was doing. This was pretty quickly followed by the realisation that she hadn’t killed Boomer, that she had been lying to him throughout the season despite her insistence that they were partners. I believe that was the driving force behind the “That’s what I am? Work?” scene in 2x12.

Regarding Beth’s feelings, well, she was certainly thinking about Rio early in season 1 as well, “Rio. His name’s Rio.” Annie and Ruby’s responses to that were absolutely perfect and reflective of the audience’s reactions. And come on, with the way that Rio looked at her, called her out and challenged her. There’s no way she wasn’t thinking about him. Sure, she enjoyed it when he blatantly looked her up and down but I think something inside her unravelled when he looked at her with admiration and curiosity in 1x02 (“we’re normal people”) and at the end of 1x04 (“we’re not here to try, we’re here to win bitch!”).

I think Beth has felt undervalued by a lot of the men in her life, including Dean and probably her father (the lack of any mention of him was pretty conspicuous in the 2x08 flashbacks). I think she spent most of her adult life comfortable but not happy. Not unhappy either though. That uncomfortable in-between. Initially, I think she viewed Rio as an opening into the thrill of what she had just done in 1x03, a way to make some money, but part of the thrill was him; I mean, her lies to Agent Turner’s face revolved around both of them having sex. So she definitely thought about that, probably daydreamed about it too. However, I think she also liked what she saw in herself when he looked at her. Her capabilities. And, look, I’m not saying that Beth’s self-worth is tied to Rio. It certainly is not and that would be extremely unhealthy. We’ve seen how much she disregards him lol. What I’m saying is maybe she needed that acknowledgement. Everyone does.

None of this stopped her from turning on him towards the end of season 1, when he “broke up” with her. I am convinced that she was driven by fear of what he would do yes, but mainly by anger and vindictiveness. A bit of a screw you, I don’t need you to do this (and gosh, the irony of that considering the fact that Rio says that to her in 2x06) and how can you just walk away?

We all know that Beth represses a lot, so if she had just sat down and unpacked what she was feeling, she would’ve known pretty quickly what Rio represented to her, a thrill but also a genuine connection. Then, after the bathroom scene in 2x04, her blatant avoidance of discussing it definitely says to me that it meant more to her than she was willing to acknowledge at that point. Then along comes the green-eyed monster when she saw him with Dylan. Come on Beth. Even Annie and Ruby knew that you were jealous but she couldn’t acknowledge it. Instead, she repressed and threw herself into uncovering what his new hustle was. When he returned the Dubby to her and that exhale when she pulled it out of the envelope; Gosh, I think she was confused and decided to avoid what she was feeling even more but maybe it was leaking out without her permission when she and Rio were being so gentle and light-hearted, ribbing each other on the picnic bench.

Interestingly, I’m way more certain of when Beth realised that she had feelings for Rio and that’s probably because we, as the audience, are poised to view Rio from Beth’s point of view. Any insight we get into his character is usually through her, other than his scenes with Turner in 1x01 and Gretchen in 2x03. And we follow her not just in her scenes with him but also through the other aspects of her life, whereas we usually only see Rio in scenes with her. I believe that Beth became aware of and couldn’t repress her feelings anymore when Dean presented her with a choice. Their family or Rio. When she was presented with a time stamp on their relationship, it jolted her. I think by that point, Rio and her had been through a lot and yet always ended up in the same story anyway. Like none of it mattered. Their connection wasn’t erased by any of it. So, she must have stopped thinking that anything could permanently rip them apart. Like, she turned him in and yet there they were, doing what they always do and so what if it means something more? In those moments where Beth’s sitting at the bar, knowing what she had to do, she must have been dreading it. Maybe a little of that was fear of how he might retaliate but Beth knew by that point, in her bones, that Rio would not harm her. No, that dread was because she knew how she felt now and she knew that what she was about to do was going to hurt. Strangely, acknowledging her own feelings was what spurred her to act and seek out that “one last time” with him.

On to your second question, who says I love you first? Oh lord, honestly, I can’t imagine these two every fully exposing themselves like this, not verbally anyway. The Dubby was a pretty obvious declaration of Rio’s feelings (come on, the episode was called “The Dubby”), even if he was probably pissed off while stuffing it into her mailbox. I think, in his own twisted way, presenting her with Agent Turner in 2x13 was another, more f***ed up declaration of something. I’ve thought about this a lot but I can’t even imagine Beth and Rio hugging. Like, it blows my mind to even think about it. Part of the reason is that they are not there yet. They didn’t trust each other, not even before Beth shot him. Telling the other person they love them would expose them in ways that I don’t think either of them can stomach yet. I think it would make itself known in other ways and, hell, it already kind of has with the way they looked at each other in 2x09 before going to Beth’s house. Also, I think the music (Love and War by Fleurie) was an excellent choice for the final scene of the season 2 finale and it was also very telling of what these two represent to one another.

I low-key think that in season 3 or 4, Beth may end up making a declaration of her own, through her actions, of how she feels about Rio. Like saving his life or refusing to flip on him or protecting him in her own way. Her equivalent of the Dubby. And honestly, I will be living!

What I’m trying to say is that Beth and Rio are definitely those two that everyone would eventually know are in love but they would struggle to say it to each other, even if they knew it. If it did happen, I kind of think Beth would be the one to say it. The show is called Good Girls and it’s about our three gals. Beth left her pearls for Rio, lifted up her dress for him and crossed the distance between them to kiss him first. So, in keeping with that theme, it makes sense that she would be the one to say it.  

That being said, I can vaguely see both of them saying it. But in a resigned way. This is killing me. You could kill me. I know. I’m tired. I love you.

Like, all those thoughts and emotions swirling together, until it it just came out, leaden with exhaustion.

Anyway, that’s that. I am so sorry that it took me so long to answer this ask but I got ridiculously insecure with my answer and then realised that I had actually written that everyone will have different opinions, so I thought screw it. I’d really love to hear other peoples’ thoughts! Also, feel free to send in asks (they’ll defos be as rambly as this one, sorry)!

Btw, this is pretty irrelevant but can you imagine if we get to see scenes of Rio in the next season, thinking about her when she’s not there (maybe with the pearls)? Followed by Beth thinking about him? Probs won’t happen but I can dream.