#active as it was when i originally left so it’s not obvious when im ignored lol BUT!!!!!!

[cyberbullyinc]

😐

[comradekatara]

They're blind if they don't see that about Sokka! Like. The other three kids would blatantly waste DAYS at a time, despite their very tight time limit, on whatever random bullshit captures their fancy. They literally planned vacations and even he got caught up in it but like......it's absolutely herding cats. You even see this problem in miniature, with Toph having to constantly hound Aang into earthhbending training. They're all flighty n distractible ish and avoidant in their own ways but Aang is very much the worst and yet also the most prioritised member who overrules Sokka regularly "for fun".

yeah I mean i was just so confused by that response bc it was such a bad faith misreading of what I had actually said, and also just a blatantly incorrect reading of the text??? I think a large swath of this fandom has a very surface level interpretation of the show (which is understandable, most people are not as invested in understanding the nuances of this show while still enjoying it, thats perfectly fine) while also just cherry picking the parts they like/latch onto and distorting the parts they found less compelling to suit whatever narrative they’ve crafted for themselves. which I suppose is their prerogative as audience members, but it’s frustrating to me as someone who thinks analytic work should always stem from understanding the text as holistically and completely as possible. normally I try to ignore such misinterpretations, since if I didn’t I would literally get no sleep, and yknow, I have a life. but i could see people’s tags in my activity feed turning this argument into a moral issue in which my very character was attacked (someone literally said “comradekatara and their followers are bs” which makes it sound like im running a cult or smth. yikes) and so I felt the need to clarify and defend myself in a way that I usually don’t when angry zutarapilled weirdos go on and on about how evil I am lmfao

anyway, to your point, sokka is absolutely herding cats. he is constantly trying to get them to be as economical with their time and stay as safe as possible, and they just straight up refuse to listen to him. I see people make arguments that sokka “wasted time on kyoshi island” by training with suki, but a) I don’t think receiving formal training for like the first time in his life is a waste of time and b) aang was clearly the one who insisted on staying there, sokka would’ve left whenever, but aang really liked it there, and considering this was right after he discovered that his entire people had been wiped out, it’s not exactly like sokka and katara can be like “no more fun for you!” the only other instances i can think of of sokka wasting their time is in “the ember island players” when he makes them all go spend two hours watching a play that they absolutely loathe. in fairness, I think sokka and suki should’ve realized that their friends (besides toph) would not enjoy such an event, but the episode would be way less effective if it had been just them watching it, so for metatextual reasons I’ll let it slide. (and fwiw, sokka’s training with piandao took two, three days at most, so it clearly wasn’t smth that interfered with the schedule.)

so yeah, my original point about sokka herding cats seems pretty obvious to me considering how many detours aang and katara constantly insist on taking (and arguably toph too, but she’s generally less resistant to sokka’s ideas). but then that person had to go and act like I said something I didn’t, and then add on a bunch of incorrect analysis to boot. truly, genuinely, weird behavior. the “momtara who does all the work and singlehandedly raised these children including sokka and has never once had fun in her life because she is struggling under the weight of being the most mature & reasonable fourteen year old girl who ever lived (and also that’s why this one spoiled prince who can’t even hammer a single nail would be such a good boyfriend for her because he loves doing dishes and is so emotionally intelligent & articulate)” koolaid is strong I guess.

[attemptsonherlifepdf]

bojack horseman and bo burnham: the art of acting like you’re acting and the comedy of misery

at the core of bojack horseman, raphael bob-waksberg’s 2014 comedy, is a story about the relationship between performance and depression. the protagonist of this renowned tragicomedy is best described as a sympathetic villain; he is shown to clearly be in the wrong across various events of the show, and is explicitly referred to as a bad person, but the audience is granted deep access to his personal struggles, resulting in some portions of the audience finding themselves on bojack’s side. the duality of his character is complex, but can be broken down into some core components, that all stem from the impacts of stardom and performance. the standup comedy of bo burnham arguably echoes this sentiment in real time. having been a performer from a young age, burnham creates work that serves as a satirical commentary on the life of entertainers. he uses original songs to explore the reliance upon and resentment for his performative nature both onstage and within his personal life. both the comedian and the netflix show are widely understood to be thinly veiling their critiques of the entertainment industry behind a particular brand of witty and absurd humour.

both bojack and burnham’s content openly criticises their audiences and explicitly states the manufactured nature of the narrative the audience is fed. in the fifth season of bojack horseman, the show satirises itself by having bojack star in a police procedural drama, parts of which are actively written by other characters to reflect events of bojack’s life. the titular character he plays, philbert, is the epitome of selfish male angst, and an example of what bob-waksberg’s show could have been; another story about a sad and angry man whose guilt supposedly makes up for the people he has hurt. according to bojack, philbert teaches us ‘we’re all terrible, so we’re all okay’, an interpretation that is harshly disputed by diane: ‘that’s not the point of philbert, for guys to watch it and feel okay. i dont want you, or anyone else, justifying their shitty behaviour because of the show.’ this moment is a direct reaction to some of the online reception bojack horseman has received. various circles of the show’s fanbase have found themselves relating to the protagonist to the point of defending his untoward behaviour, a response not intentioned by the show’s creators. this is not the only example of bob-waksberg’s ability to make his work self-evaluative. in season six’s exposure of bojack and sarah lynn’s problematic relationship, characters question their sexual encounter from the first season. the writers use this as a way of examining their own choices, and the harmful tropes they played into when using this exploitative sexual encounter as a gag. this self-evaluative quality is what sets bojack apart as a show that assesses the performance it participates in, much like the comedy of bo burnham.

bo burnham is known for directly addressing his audience, particularly in terms of discouraging idolisation and parasocial relationships. some examples of this manifest as responses to hecklers rather than a planned bit in the show, for instance:

heckler: i love you!

bo: no you don’t

heckler: i love the IDEA of you!

bo: stop participating!

he actively addresses the issues posed by being an entertainer, and encourages the audience to understand and recognise that his onstage persona is just that: an exaggerated persona. not once does burnham claim to be fully authentic onstage, and even moments of authenticity we see in his latest special, inside, are staged. we make the assumption that having the physical setting of a stage stripped away grants us a more personal look at the entertainer’s life, but he makes it clear that even in his own home we still see the aspects he has carefully constructed rather than the full truth. arguably though, parts of the show really are authentic; in his monologue during make happy, bo deconstructs his own show in a way that is similar to bojack horseman’s later seasons, admitting that all he knows is performing and thus making a show about the more mundane and relatable aspects of life would feel ‘incredibly disingenuous.’ in his attempts to separate himself from this onstage persona he actually manages to blur the lines between what is acting and what is now part of his nature as a result of his job. this notion is echoed in bojack horseman as bojack’s attention seeking nature is attributed to his years acting in front of a camera every day.

bo suggests that the era of social media has created a space in which children’s identities mimic that of an entertainer like himself, describing the phenomenon as ‘performer and audience melded together.’ in this observation he criticises the phenomenon. bo attempts to force the audience to recognise the ways in which their lives are becoming shaped by the presence of an audience and to some extent uses his own life as a warning tale against this. he points out the way in which the ‘tortured artist trope’ means that your cries for help or roundabout attempts of addressing mature themes such as substance abuse, mental illness and trauma become part of that on stage persona and therefore become part of the joke. both bo and bojack address these topics in more discrete manners earlier in their careers, but this eventually becomes expected, and thus they are forced to explicitly detail their struggles with these topics in order to be taken seriously. even then, portions of the audience are inclined to see it as part of the persona or as something that fuels the creators creativity and thus does not need to be addressed as a legitimate issue. the emphasis on creating a character or persona promotes the commodification of mental illness: any struggle must be made into a song or a joke or a bit, must be turned into part of the act in order to have value. this actually serves to delegitimise these emotions and create a disconnect between the feeling and the person, as it becomes near impossible to exist without feeling as though you are acting. even when an artist’s cries for help become blatant, they continue to go ignored because now they serve the purpose of creating content that criticises the industry they stem from. online audiences can be seen as treating bo burnham and his insightful work as existing to demonstrate the negative effects entertaining can have, and because this insight is useful or thought-provoking to audiences, he is almost demanded to keep entertaining and creating. in response to this demand, his work becomes more meta and his messages become clearer, and the more obvious his messages, the more people he reaches. this increases audience demands and traps entertainers in a cycle fraught with internal conflict.

during bojack’s second season, bojack’s date asks him, ‘come on, do that bojack thing where you make a big deal and everyone laughs, but at the same time we relate, because you're saying the things polite society won't.’ this moment exemplifies how aspects of his genuine personality have now become a part of his persona and this is demanded of him in genuine and serious situations, undermining the validity of his emotional reactions. he immediately makes a rude comment to the waitress at the restaurant they’re in and satisfies his date by performing that character he has set himself out to be. some circles of the fan base have argued that bojack is written as a depiction of somebody with borderline personality disorder, offering a psychoanalytical lens through which to view this notion of performance. a defining symptom of borderline personality disorder is a fluctuating sense of self; having grown up on camera, being demanded to perform to others as young as six years old, bojack’s sense of self will have been primarily dictated by the need to act.  whether this acting is for the sake of comedy, or as a representation of masking his mental illness, when they need to act is taken away bojack entirely loses his sense of self and relapses into his addictions: ‘i felt like a xerox of a xerox of a person.’ burnham’s depictions of depression run along a similar vein; in his new special he poses the idea that his comedy no longer serves the same personal purpose it once did for him. he questions ‘shit should I be joking at a time like this?’ and satirises the idea that arts have enough value to change or impact the current global issues that we are facing. burnham’s ‘possible ending song’ to his latest special, he asks ‘does anybody want to joke when no-one’s laughing in the background? so this is how it is.’ implicit in this question is the idea that when the audience is taken away and there is nobody to perform his pain to, he is left with his pain. instead of being able to turn his musings and thoughts into a product to sell to the public, he is forced to just think about them in isolation and actually face them, an abrupt and distressing experience.

the value of performance and art is questioned by both bojack and burnham, particularly during the later years of their respective content. burnham’s infamous song, art is dead, appears to be a direct response to the question ‘what is the worth of art?’ he posits that performing is the result of a need for attention (‘my drug’s attention, i am an addict, but i get paid to indulge in my habit’) and repeatedly jokes throughout his career that the entertainment industry receives more respect that it deserves (‘i’m the same as you, im still doing a job or a service, i’m just massively overpaid’). his revelations regarding the inherent desire for attention that runs through all entertainers is frequently satirised in bojack horseman. bojack is comically, hyperbolically attention hungry and self-obsessed, and the show has a running gag in which he uses phrases along the lines of ‘hello, why is nobody paying attention to me, the famous movie star, instead of these other boring people.’ his constant attempts to direct the focus of others towards himself result in bojack feeling like ‘everybody loves you, but nobody likes you.’ his peers buy into his act and adore the comical, exaggerated, laughable aspects of his character, but find very little room to respond to him on a genuinely personal level because of this. interestingly, bojack appears to enjoy catering to his audience and the instant gratification it produces, whereas bo burnham becomes increasingly candid about his mixed feeling towards his audience. ‘i wanna please you, but i wanna stay true to myself, i wanna give you the night out that you deserve, but i wanna say what i think and not care what you think about it.’ he admits to catering to what audiences want from him, but resents both the audience and himself in the process as it reveals to himself which parts of his character are solely for the sake of people watching him.

within bojack horseman, this concept is applicable not only to the protagonist, but to the various forms of performer demonstrated in the plot. towards the show’s end, sarah lynn asks ‘what does being authentic have to do with anything?’ to which herb kazzaz responds, ‘when i finally stopped hiding behind a facade i could be at peace.’ this highlights the fact that because entertainers are demanded to continue the facade, they do not receive the opportunity to find ‘peace.’ this sentiment is scattered throughout the show, through a musical motif, the song ‘don’t stop dancing.’ the song stems from a life lesson bojack imparted to sarah lynn at a young age, and becomes more frequently used as the show progresses and bojack’s situation worsens.

sarah lynn is also used to explore the value of entertainers; in the show’s penultimate episode, she directly compares her work as a pop icon to the charity work of herb, arguing that if she suffered in order to produce her work. it has to mean something. she lists the struggles she faced when on tour: ‘i gave my whole life...my manager leaked my nudes to get more tour dates added, my mom pointed out every carb i ate, it was hell. but it gave millions of fans a show they will never forget and that has to mean something.’ implicit in this notion is the idea that entertainment is the epitome of self-sacrifice. there is a surplus of mentally ill individuals within the industry, largely due to the nature of the industry itself, but some may argue that the cultural grip the industry has, and the vast amounts of respect and money it generates annually, gives the suffering of these prolific individuals meaning.

the juxtaposing responses entertainers feel towards their audiences manifest as two forms of desperation: the desperation to be an individual who is held accountable, and the desperation to be loved and validated. we see both bojack and bo depict how they oscillate between  ‘this is all a lie’ and ‘my affection for my audience is genuine’, or between ‘do not become infatuated with me im a character’ and ‘please fucking love my character i do not know how to be loved on a personal level.’ bojack explicitly asks diane to write a slam piece on him and ‘hold him accountable’, similar to bo’s song ‘problematic’ in which the hook includes the phrase ‘isn’t anybody gonna hold me accountable?’ for his insensitive jokes as a late teenager. their self-awareness is what enables their self-evaluative qualities, but self-awareness is its own issue. bojack grapples with a narcissistic view of his own recognition of his behaviour before settling on a more nuanced, albeit depressing take. originally he makes the assumption that in recognising the negative aspects of himself, he is superior to those who behave similarly: ‘but i know im a piece of shit. that makes me better than all the pieces of shit that don’t know theyre pieces of shit.’ eventually, during his time at rehab he is forced to reconcile with the fact that self awareness does not, to put it bluntly, make you the superior asshole, it just makes you the more miserable one. the show does, however, make a point to recognise how the entertainment industry protects ‘pieces of shit’, prioritising their productive value over how much they deserve to be held accountable, demonstrated using characters like hank hippopoalus. the show itself obviously stems from the entertainment industry, as it is a form of media produced by netflix, one of the most popular streaming platforms available. bojack horseman and bo burnham represent the small corner of the industry that is reflective enough to showcase the damage it inflicts. this is powerful in terms of education and awareness, and urges audiences to question their own motives and versions of performance, but the reflection alone is not powerful enough to help the artists in question. burnham’s candid conversations surrounding his mental health continue to reveal a plethora of issues somewhat caused or sustained by the nature of his career. within bojack horseman, bojack is only able to stop hurting other characters when those characters construct a situation that forces him to face consequence, his introspection alone is not enough. while bojack ends on a message of hope, suggesting to the audience that reverting back to the status quo is not the only acceptable way for events to end, it leaves stinging lessons and social commentary with the audience regarding the unnatural and damaging narrative that performers live through. on a similar but markedly different note, bo burnham’s work and personal progression is playing out in real time, and not in a way that is as raw and genuine as it appears. each bit is planned, even the most vulnerable moments that appear unplanned and painful. his latest special is not entirely devoid of hope, but does translate to audiences as a somewhat exaggerated look around the era of social media and the development of performance, using himself as an example.

the absurdist humour that often acts as a vehicle for poignant statements or emotionally provocative questions is very specific to each media creator. bob-waksberg’s use of puns, tongue twisters and entirely ridiculous circumstances served to simultaneously characterise his points as an expected part of the show’s style of humour, similar to bojack’s emotional instability, but also to make them appear gut-punching in comparison to the humour. burnham’s work is similar in that poignant but blunt statements are often sandwiched between absurd and exaggerated jokes, making them stand out via contrast but not giving the audience too much time to dwell upon them as they are said. performance art is second nature to entertainers, and is presented a an issue that is infiltrating the general population via social media rather than solely affecting the ‘elites’. bojack horseman and bo burnham present the duality of artists simultaneously attempting to level the playing field and increase their chances of survival in the industry, and encourage audiences to know that everyone is bluffing and you’ll never have the right cards anyway.

i.k.b

[blockgamepirate]

(im sorry for sending an ask about this, i just personally didn't want to rb dsmp lore discussion on my blog but i had some thoughts on the techno post you made? feel free to ignore this completely)

I guess.. part of my (personal) reservation with the idea that ctechno had no idea of pogtopia's goals is that the majority of people aren't agreeing with him and wilbur.

frankly, wilbur's the only other person (to my memory) who brings up destroying the gov instead of just taking it over, while in the clips you showed tommy, tubbo, and quack all show that they DONT want that. why is he believing wilburs word on pogtopia's goals over anyone elses? ESPECIALLY as an anarchist, this should be a communal decision and not one made by the "leader" aka wilbur. and majority says no. at the very least, the lack of unity in making a decision (especially such a big one) should make him less sure about the shared end goal.

that, combined with the fact that he immediately put aside the opportunity to learn more about pogtopia's goals ("we'll burn that bridge when we come to it") puts a sour taste in my mouth because it instead feels to me like he instead didn't bother to try and communicate to make sure they had the same goals.

while i completely get the point you made abt wanting to avoid infighting (before a major battle especially), when multiple different people suddenly seemingly have a different goal than you, its something you should want to clear up to make sure no misunderstandings happen-- bc thats exactly how both sides end up "betraying" one another when in reality they were never on the same side to begin with. its not something that SHOULD be left to deal with later, so him pushing for that makes it feel to me instead that he just doesnt.... want to deal with it.

in short, i feel like despite what you said there was still reasonable doubt in the goals of pogtopia (via a lack of unity in the goal at hand) that techno just... didn't bother to look into or check beyond his intial thoughts. even with the rumors of a traitor, a majority of (or at least multiple) members disagreeing on such a fundemental point don't (to me) get rid of that existing doubt.

I understand your point is that he was out of the loop and thus came to his own conclusions on pogtopia's purpose, and i agree! i think instead the issues people have w techno and pogtopia is techno's not attempting to get into the loop, which is a pattern that continues into later arcs-- he jumps into things without full information on the situation or context, but assured that he's right regardless of how little he actually knows (eggpire, dream in prison, etc)

again-- i realize we have benefit of the omniscient viewer so signs become much more obvious to us, and even then characters are allowed (and encouraged!) to have fatal flaws like techno (often, imo) working off of incomplete information and not trying actively to fill in those gaps! but... idk, it still a point i also get feeling very irritated by (again, esp from our POV), bc he's so sure he's right when he's often clueless and it can be frustrating and unsatisfying to watch.

idk if this had a point tbh. i just wanted to talk abt your post i guess. thank you for reading if you got this far, i just needed a place to ramble to someone here but i didn't wanna linger on it i guess. i hope you have a great day/night ✌️

--enderspawn

I mean the thing is that the original members of Pogtopia were Wilbur, Tommy and Techno, right? With Tubbo joining right after.

And as far as I can tell, Tommy never said anything about wanting to reinstall a government, at least not when Techno was there to hear it, he was actually the one who on day one was talking about how they no longer had their titles and would be equal from now on while Wilbur was still clinging to the idea of being the president. Tommy was very insistent on "taking back" L'Manburg and on not blowing it up, but again: nothing about a government. (And as we found out later, Tommy didn't even want to be a president in the end. He wasn't actually motivated by political power, and honestly I think a lot of the time he was kinda just going along with it because he felt like that was what he was supposed to strive for.)

Tommy seemed to be satisfied with the plan to only blow Manburg up IF nothing else works, right? But there was never any talk about objecting to the anarchism afterwards.

On top of that, Pogtopia was effectively an anarchist commune, or close enough, despite Wilbur kind of taking a leadership role in an informal way, so it makes sense to assume that the people who made it and the people who joined it would approve of that kind of social system, right?

I mean is it a bit naive of him? Yes, definitely, but I really don't think it's unreasonable. If people are joining your anarchist commune and your vocally anarchist cause (as of after the Red Festival at least, when Wilbur gets on fully board the anarchy train), you'd think they would be fine with that. You'd think that if they weren't fine with it they'd start their own separate movement, or something.

(This is actually what I thought would happen at the time! I thought Wilbur, Techno and Dream would team up and Tommy, Tubbo and Niki would form their own group and then recruit others. But it didn't end up happening, probably because Tommy is too loyal to Wilbur to let him go, and Niki probably cared about Wilbur too much too. Idk.)

Or if not, then you'd think they would protest the anarchism a bit louder and even if Techno himself missed this, it wouldn't be weird of him to assume that Wilbur would tell him if there was so much ideological conflict going on. (And as we found out yesterday, Wilbur was well aware and kept Techno in the dark intentionally.) Techno trusted Wilbur to do the talking to the others, he even said as much in the stream after the Red Festival. Techno is obviously not very good at the whole socialising thing himself and he knows it.

But all Techno heard about was the whole "to bomb or not to bomb" question, and this has nothing to do with what you do afterwards. You don't have to bomb the country to make it anarchist after all.

Another factor here, which is another example of Techno being kind of naive, is that as he says in the narration of his video, he thought that the people who had been victimised by the government would understand better than anyone that such a system could not be allowed to stand. (He made this mistake AGAIN with Tommy after exile, thinking that surely this time Tommy would come to agree with him.)

So idk if this answer satisfies you at all, but I don't really have time to work in this any more than this, I've already spent way too much time on Tumblr today :| (this is also why I don't have the time to condense this down to a reasonable length either)

I guess what I'd say is that Techno was definitely naive and affected by confirmation bias and kind of a recluse and a bit of an edgelord individualist at least early on, which are genuine flaws of his, but I think his conclusions are fairly reasonable anyway. And he was being intentionally misled by Wilbur. Also he was very vocal about his own ideology and goals while the other Pogtopians never said anything to him about disagreeing with those goals, up until Quackity and Tubbo right before battle. "Taking back L'Manburg" just isn't specific enough here, Techno never had anything against reclaiming the country from Schlatt, obviously, he even made his fireworks in L'Manburg colours in support of the cause.

And I do think that there is more fault on the side of the other Pogtopians for leading him on, even if they did it unintentionally and just weren't considering his opinions. Which is what seems to have happened, they knew he was an anarchist but they just sort of dismissed the significance of this. Quackity is the first one to actually bring this up as a potential problem and he does it by accusing Techno of potentially becoming a traitor, not by trying to negotiate with him or hear him out. And Tommy just told Techno to shut up while they were talking about who the next president should be.

They all knew that he was an anarchist, they just didn't think it was important. I mean I think they just kinda assumed that he knew the plan, to be fair, after all Wilbur obviously knew it too, but it's still kinda dismissive lbr.

And to be honest this is something that happens in real life a lot too, to anarchists who try to work with non-anarchist groups for a common goal. Our concerns tend to be dismissed and it's kinda just assumed that we'll just go along with it anyway because we're usually the minority. And we tend to be the first ones to get kicked out when we're no longer convenient. That's my experience anyway. And yes, it does feel like we're being used when that happens. The difference is, I guess, that we usually see it coming because we've learned from history and past experiences. Techno apparently hasn't.

[kimsnnn]

Part 1

Disclaimer: This post is in favor of my ship, Elriel. No hate, just an opinion. This is what makes sense to me. If this isn't your cup of tea, and it came up on your feed, no worries just skip please. 

If you look at it this way:

If the series were to officially end at ACOWAR then that would mean that there would be no need to add any more books due to the majority of the plot being resolved. If there were slight questions or plot holes that were left open, we as readers can basically create our own conclusion based of where these characters and their stories were left off at. That’s the beauty of being a reader, being able to use our imagination to extend the stories based on canon information to infer or even speculate what happened to those beloved characters of ours.

If its easy to answer these questions, fill these plot holes and resolve any issues within that story, then there would be no need for any additional books, and lets say there were questions that were pressing but not complicated to answer, a simple extra book could be added to resolve that like ACOFAS. ACOFAS could’ve concluded everything. She could’ve also showed Feyre or whoever freeing Vassa and then created a whole spin off on Vassa and her adventures including the plot of her defeating her captor Koschei while also dealing with the queens and humans basically introducing us to a whole new world and continent with new fae/fae territories (like chaol introduced in his book from ToG). Her LI would most likely be Jurian because Lucien would have ended up with Elain which we know because she resolved that in ACOFAS.

BUT

That’s not at all what happened. Things were not answered/resolved during ACOFAS.

The author which in this case is SJM knew that whatever obvious inferences/speculation we the fandom would have is not the accurate ending she had for these characters. So she decided to introduce far more books into the series as standalones but, still part of the overarching plot to truly get the full scope of what she has in store for these characters. Why make additional books based on the obvious ?  She’s a writer, she knows the importance of creating mystery or writing plot twists that we either didn’t or decided not to realize or even accept. So ACOFAS and even ACOWAR wasn’t there to answer last minute questions, to show us that our favorite ships did end up together, no it was there to be used to set up future stories like SJM said and be as close as can be as opposite of obvious.

At the End of ACOWAR we have :

Nesta

-THAT Nessian moment 🥰  (& Nessian moments in general in ACOWAR)

We can infer based on where those characters were left off that :

-They would end up together eventually.  I mean come on, Cass’s line *chef’s kiss*.

BUT what people forget is that was also her breaking point (trauma) 

-We didn’t know how her trauma would affect her, her life and loved ones, & how she’d heal Or what were even her powers. These questions were built up throughout all of ACOWAR

So what did SJM do?

-She wrote the answers to those questions in ACOSF while also resolving questions about Nessian’s status especially since Nesta first had to start healing to let herself be loved.

The evidence ? The set up to gain support to find these answers ? Its in ACOFAS

-Nesta’s drinking, isolation, rage, fear, loneliness and self hate

-Nesta’s avoidance of her sisters, the IC and Cassian

-Cassian’s persistence, confusion. Feeling helpless.

Same thing can be seen for Elain

At the end of ACOWAR

Elain

-Civilness between E and L.  She seems more at peach and want to plan gardens/rebuild

We can infer

-Elain talked to Lucien so she forgave him or is on track to forgive him. From this we can assume the possibility of Elucien being endgame.

Elain also must be healed because she smiled and wants to help rebuild. So that all equals acceptance of her powers (on occasionally seeing things and that it, that’s her power), her new life and bond

BUT what we forget is the iconic Elriel moments (Hybern camp & truth teller connection), Elain’s world/future going up in flames, the consequences/trauma of having been gifted these powers

-We don’t know the full scope of her powers, why the cauldron adores her, how she feels, why were we given blooming moments between Elriel 

So again what will SJM probably do?

-Set Elriel to be endgame. Cause civility/friendship/forgiveness/CLOSURE between Elain and Lucien. Get In depth about her powers, her trauma and how it has affected the life she thought she would have. Have her come into her role in the NC and have self growth. 

The evidence? Its in ACOFAS & ACOSF

-Elain’s anger and desperation to have a choice, to have her own agency

-Elain’s avoidance, tolerance, discomfort of Lucien ( she wilts and regresses)

-Elain’s push to contribute more and firmly declare she’s a member of the NC

-Elriel’s tension & build up ( glances, smiles, blushing, gifts, humor, awareness, longing, protectiveness, attraction, actively trying to distract themselves, etc I could go on and on)

-Confirmation of Elain’s power still existing. Her whereabouts: where is Elain when the IC are facing obstacles?

-Her visions still to happen. The fourth dead trove needs to be found: it makes sense that it would be found by Elain (& Az) ( the crown: Braiylln, the harp & mask: Nesta, the fourth trove: Elain)

*If there are 3 cauldron made and Braiylln found one (& is now dead), Nesta found 2 but couldn't get a good read of the fourth, that means it'll be up to Elain & Azriel because they are basically the only two in the IC who closely work with shadows and even mist. Maybe Nuala and Cerridwen would also join in searching which id love.

Now let’s ignore the evidence.

From that moment at the end of ACOWAR again: 1) we see Elain who seems better and 2)we have Elain and Lucien who seem to be in a civil place 

So we assume she’s healed or on track, and her relationship with Lucien is looking up. So why would SJM write a whole standalone on the obvious?

If she’s healed and okay, if she and Lucien will be a sailing ship why be so secretive and unclear on Elain’s story, on who she ends up with?

Nessian was so clear, there was no REAL doubt that they would not end up together despite the obstacles between them, two of them being her rage and trauma. But Nessian would be and are endgame period. All the other “prospects” were just for angst, development and humor. Not real threats.

She wrote Nesta’s story because the worry and question wasn’t on Nessian’s validity, she established their validity and their romance when Nesta prepared to die with Cassian, when Cassian promised to find more time with her, when Nesta called for Cassian, when Nesta Wass worried for Cassian, when Nesta would constantly pay attention to him without realizing it (his wings) when Cassian ran after her during solstice, when Cassian bought her a gift etc. The worry and questions were ALWAYS on and about Nesta’s role, powers, and trauma because they were the influencing factor that affected everyone’s future, Nesta’s life/health and Nessian’s ability to finally able to come together.

If Elucien were endgame we as a fandom would know without a doubt that they are. There would be many more moments of ooh’s and hmmm’s and less mystery and confusion on their validity. There would be far more angst and these characters would have be seen more often together (seeking each other out, but Elain never does) or at least have them have more than one scene of mutual civilness where they dont talk awkwardly, and have a real conversation not one that seems forced, especially by Feyre. Even with the obstacles between them and their distance (because of the obvious elephant in the room) we should have scenes that showcases clear interest between them but we don’t. There is only one true scene where we have that and its at the end of ACOWAR, Im not blind i could see where people might interpret it as Elucien confirmation and who knows maybe I'm wrong and it is but, I read that differently. That to me was confirmation that a friendship between them is possible. Something completely platonic but just as sweet in a different way. That scene to me wasn’t charged it was not even a slow burn or even a spark it was healing and the foreshadowing of a possible friendship.

ALSO:

*Possible ToG spoiler below*

I don’t think it’s too far fetched to assume that Vassien is a thing. And in all honestly I also don’t think its too far fetched to have Lucien (& Vassa) have their own book like Chaol (& Yrene) did. Chaol was an important/original main character from the very beginning of the series who ended up doing grave mistakes. He found himself lost in life to later finding himself gaining a new purpose outlook & perspective when he left the continent to only meet his new LI Yrene freaking Towers who SERIOUSLY changed the whole game ( I freaking love her) and was extremely valuable to winning that war. This is so similar to Lucien’s story so far and Vassa (the firebird) who I expect to resemble Yrene in value and vitalness  BUT it is important to state that Lucien is nothing like Chaol and is far more SUPERIOR. So No this is not me saying Lucien is like Chaol. This is just me seeing the resemblance in their journeys so far, which might be due to SJM possibly reusing the same template on purpose.

Part 2

[tomsdior]

“lets make it official” | t.h

Summary; you and tom have been together for quite some time now, but labels up until this point have remained an unspoken subject...                           

a/n; HEY! I took very long break but im back now, this fic has been rewritten tons of times since fucking January, yet even now im still not crazy about it. I just really wanted to get back into writing so please leave feedback!

warnings; mentions of sex and like one curse word.

wc; 2k

masterlist | taglist

—

IT WAS A COLD EVENING IN EARLY MARCH, and you had just finished taking your exams, and were more than tired because of all the time you had spent last night cooped up in the campus library trying to retain and memorize any little information that would help you out on the exams. 

Which definitely helped you out a ton due to you walking out of the room with a lot more prep in your step. Feeling all the bit more relaxed now that the exams were over and you could go back to your normal schedule that didn’t include such immense amounts of studying as well as a lot more hours of sleep, which you hadn’t been getting a lot of recently. 

So the first thing you planned to do once getting back to your apartment was to tend to your tiredness and nap the second you settled in, change into some more comfy clothing and maybe even make yourself a cup of tea and scroll through Instagram a little beforehand. But that plan was sadly cut short by a text from your roommate, Yasmine, who you shared an apartment with off campus with for the last two years.

The text explained how she last minute decided to invite her boyfriend over for the afternoon to help study for her psych class. Which wouldn’t sound like much of a problem to the average person, but for y/n and yasmine it sort worked like a code for “were definitely fucking” ( the code was mostly used by Yasmine) so you now definitely knew you wouldn’t be able to take a nap or relax even under the circumstances of your roommate moaning through the ridiculously thin walls of your apartment.

But that didn’t leave you super upset, because unlike past roommates Yasmine had the decency to tell you about her intimate activities in the apartment beforehand, (even if it was quite late) which you were thankful for. Besides you now have an excuse to go visit the boy who you’ve been giving most, if not all your attention to these last few months.

You knew he’d be back from classes so there was no need to worry about him being home or not.

Many people would even say that you and Tom have been attached by the hip, always having at least some type of contact with each other when you could. Whether it be him just walking you to class, a study date at a nearby cafe, weekly movie nights, dates at your favorite chinese place at three a.m. Or even just having a cozy night in where you're cuddled up talking about nothing and everything. 

 Which sounds pretty typical for a couple who's been together for a few months, the only difference was that you and Tom weren’t official on being boyfriend and girlfriend. Of course, you didn’t want to rush, but you felt like you should’ve at least had some type of conversation about it now.

Especially while your feelings seemed to be growing at a much faster rate for the charming brit than you originally thought they would. I mean when you first started talking you strictly remember telling yourself to keep your walls up and not let yourself fall so easily for the boy, knowing he had a reputation that didn’t lead you to believe he could stay with a girl for too long. 

But as time went on, you learned that there was much more to him than just his good looks, so worries of his reputation seemed to gradually fade. As he showed you sides of himself that others would be shocked to hear that the cocky, and arrogant “Tom Holland” was able to portray. 

Sides of his that you would only describe as kind, and thoughtful, significantly much softer in manner. Always knowing how to make you smile with his silly jokes and adoring compliments. That usually left you flustered with heated cheeks, and he of course would always sit there smirking before sweetly showering your face with soft kisses, unknowingly making your heart flutter from the affection. (and it didn’t hurt how gorgeous he was either)

Of course they were all things that clearly opposed his notorious image he upheld around campus. But, they were also the things that made you slowly fall for him everyday. Things that only made you want nothing more than to be an official couple, which is why you had made a mental note to have that talk with him sometime while at his frat today. But for now you were trying to keep your sleepy eyes open as you got there.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★ 

“y/n…” a clear look of surprise was etched on Tom's face as he opened the door to reveal you on the other end, a much rather tired version might you add.

“Listen I know I should’ve texted rather than coming unannounced like this, but I was just so tired and…” 

That was all you managed to say before you were stopped by feeling his lips on yours. At first you froze at the sudden move, but in a matter of seconds you returned the kiss, letting yourself get lost and fall deeper into the feeling of his soft lips against yours. 

He knew that if he hadn’t stopped you, you would’ve started to trail off into a little ramble (in this case it would’ve been of unnecessary apologies), something you often did when you were clearly tired. 

He soon reluctantly ends the kiss with a delicate peck, leaving you feeling more awake with a newfound blush across your cheeks. “You know you're always welcome here, love.” his hand came up to cradle your cheek as he reminded you, and from what the tone of his voice seems like the fiftieth time. And yes you knew you were always welcome to come whenever, especially when all his frat brothers treated you so nicely. It was just the overthinker in you that caused you to believe that you were overstepping, or getting too comfortable for his liking.

“I know bubs it’s jus’ that I can’t help but feel like I’m being a bother sometimes.” you tell him honestly while lowering your head slightly to hide the subtle redness that rose in your cheeks, partially from the after effects of the kiss but mostly from how his soft tone seemed to always make you melt inside.

“You're never a bother, love. Ever,” he states, making sure that his eyes were locked with Y/N’s as he muttered those words.

 “Besides I could always use some of your company.” he says with a smile, and with you still not being fully used to all the affection you received from him yet, you could feel your heart flutter lightly in your chest from his words.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★ 

“So what brings you here,” Tom asks as he hangs up your coat for you, which you thank him for.

 “Well, I was planning on getting some rest back at my apartment. But Yasmine texted me while I was on the way telling me her boyfriend was coming over.” you explain to him, and he nods understandingly. He already had a pretty good understanding of what your roommate had meant by her text so luckily for you there was no need to explain further. 

“And there was no way I was going to be able to get any type of rest with them going at it in the room next to me. so I just came here knowing you’d be back already. ” you say, letting out a small huff that was almost inaudible, but Tom still managed to hear it. 

 “But look on the bright side, love” he starts, wrapping his arms around your waist to give you a comforting hug from behind. The simple gesture makes you feel more at ease as he rests his chin on your shoulder. 

“If it weren’t for yasmine I wouldn’t get to spend the rest of the day with my girl.” he smiles, as he starts to pepper small kisses into the crook of your neck. 

And although the feeling wasn’t anything less than nice, you couldn’t help but focus on his words, specifically the last two, and although they were words that you loved to be called, you knew they also held a conversation that has yet to be had between the two of you.

But before you could bring it up, Tom had already sensed your change in mood, and eventually removed his lips from your neck to see what the problem was. “What's the matter darling,” his eyebrows were furrowed as he tried to figure out what was on your mind. 

‟W-what are we?” You ask him in a voice that’s barely above a whisper(clearly ignoring his question), but Tom could still hear it clear as day because of how close you were. 

As you free yourself from his gentle grip around your waist you turn to face him, noticing the confusion written all over it. Which you were very aware was caused by your one little question that you knew probably confused the hell out of him, but you just couldn’t seem to get anything else out but that. 

“What do you mean love?” his head is now cocked to the side with a puzzled look stitched on his face, making his curls flop to the side as well, his somewhat pouty lips making you involuntarily grin as you shake your head softly. 

“I mean it’s been a few months since we’ve known eachother now” you took a deep breath. “And we are pretty close-,” he takes your face in his hand and caresses your cheek, “and I feel we should talk about us,..like what we are officially.” you explain, almost immediately second guessing yourself before you spoke again.

“Well is having a relationship something you even want with me?” you ask nervously, looking up at him, feeling your heart start to beat faster as you await an answer.

“Of course angel,” he assures, continuing to caress your cheek. “it’s jus’ you know that when it comes to relationships of all things I’m no expert,” he says with an obvious tone. “In fact I am just about as clueless as ever,” he mumbles with a laugh, making the corners of your lips upturn in the slightest.

“But if I’m being completely honest, you’ve made me feel things that no one has ever made me feel in my entire life. Made me feel a true happiness that I didn’t know I needed until I met you. I mean You're so kind and generous, and you always know how to make me smile and laugh. And you're one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met. 

“And I know I’ve still got lots to learn when it comes to relationships, but I know I wouldn’t wanna do it with anyone but you” he affirmed.

By the end, your eyes were glossy and filled with tears that threatened to escape, you hated how you had gotten so emotional in such little time. They end up falling regardless and stain your cheeks, But Tom was quick to wipe them away with his thumb.

Once your eyes start to clear you notice the sweet look that clouded his, as he waited for you to say something. However you decided to not respond with words, and with something much more intimate.

Without a second to spare you press your lips upon his. Creating a sweet kiss full of passion from the both of you as your lips moved in sync. You kissed each other almost as if it were your first time doing the act, which was far from true, but this one had a feeling better than anything you could ever hope for.

In time you broke the kiss to catch your breath, you couldn't help but look at each other, smiling like crazy as your lips brushed against each other’s.

“I guess we’re a proper couple now, huh.” he says, giving you another peck before pulling you into his chest. “I guess we are.” You smile happily as you relax into him.

His embrace felt so warm and comforting around you, so much that it made you let out a small yawn as your eyes fluttered shut against his chest.

“Looks like someone still needs their nap.” He teases, making you smile dopily as he gives one last kiss on your temple.

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[hardygalwrites]

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Anime/Manga: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure (Part 1: Phantom Blood)

Characters: Jonathan Joestar and Dio Brando

Synopsis: A few days after Jonathan and Dio's big fight in the entrance hall, a few days after the tragic death of Jonathan's beloved dog, Dio finds Jonathan collapsed by the river, beaten and bloody. Seeing this as an opportunity to change his tactics, Dio helps Jonathan make his way back the mansion.

Jonathan reaches a small understanding about Dio.

Note: Originally written for Whumptober of 2020 - Day 10: They Look So Pretty When They Bleed | Trail of Blood

Set during the seven year gap in Phantom Blood. TW for a bit of gaslighting and also referenced child ab*se

—

It had been a few days since Dio’s fight with Jonathan in the entrance hall. George Joestar never did end up dealing out the punishment he had promised both of them, but that was likely due to the sudden and subsequent death of a certain mutt.

“I know that you two fought recently… Understand that I do not condone JoJo’s actions. To beat a man while he is down is unseemly, and JoJo will be apologizing to you. But as it stands, for now, I must ask that you be gentle with him.”

“I understand, sir.”

Dio scoffed at the memory, continuing his easy walk down the open country pathway. “‘Be gentle.’”

As if gentleness hadn’t been a luxury guaranteed to Jonathan at birth. Dario Brando had still seen it fit to punish Dio when his mother died, and that was for the mere fault of simply existing. JoJo might think his father hard on him, but George Joestar was nothing but a soft fool, and his son nothing but a pampered brat.

A pampered brat who had still managed to beat Dio to the ground.

Dio felt his jaw clench and his hands tighten in his pockets.

No. Calm down.

Dio forced himself to relax, uncurling his fists and easing his tightened jaw. He had already learned from that fight that he needed to control his temper. And already evened the score by killing JoJo’s stupid mutt. With how disgustingly attached JoJo had been to that thing, that more than made up for any humiliation inflicted, or even any punishments averted as a result.

“What to do now though…?” Dio murmured to himself.

Actively looking to tear JoJo down was now out of the question. Dio had pushed JoJo to his limits, and instead of snapping in two, JoJo had snapped back. Dio needed to change tactics. Endearing himself to the other boy, just as he had done with everyone else, would likely be the next best course of action.

Of course, the shift would not be without its difficulties. Dio despised the thought of even pretending friendship with the likes of JoJo, but he would gladly bear it for the sake of his ultimate goal. No, the difficulty primarily lay in undoing JoJo’s animosity towards him. Dio had greatly underestimated JoJo’s capacity for vengefulness, and trust was such a notoriously fragile thing…

JoJo had certainly not been making the change in tactics any easier. Dio had hardly seen the other boy since their last fight. JoJo seemed to be going out of his way to avoid him. Not like he hadn’t clearly been making those same efforts before now, but JoJo barely even showed up to meals anymore. Dio would see JoJo run off outside everyday, but he had yet to catch a glimpse of him at any of his usual hiding spots.

As he passed by the tree JoJo used to frequent, with no sign of JoJo in sight, Dio huffed in annoyance. “I know he was attached to that beast, but just how long does he intend to mope about it?”

He could easily find JoJo himself, or use his influence over the other boys in town to hunt down JoJo’s new hideouts, and with how damn long it was taking JoJo to get over himself, Dio was about ready to throw caution to the wind and do just that. What need had he to be cautious, anyway?

(The memory of JoJo’s righteous fury bit at the back of Dio’s mind, and he promptly silenced it).

“Oi, Dio!”

At the sound of his name, Dio paused his stride and saw a group of his followers running down the path towards him. A few of them, he noted with mild interest, were nursing bruises and bloody noses.

The first of them to make it to Dio had a black eye in addition to the blood pouring over his hand, which he had pressed up beneath his nose. “Cor blimey, he’s turned into a real maniac…!”

“Used to not be able to hit worth a damn!” another boy exclaimed, a magnificent bruise decorating the side of his face.

“But we still got ‘im!” a third boy chimed in vindictively.

“Got who?” Dio asked.

“JoJo, of course!”

“JoJo…” Dio had suspected as much.

“We found him down the river,” one of the group explained. “He just up and attacked us, the bloody maniac…!”

“We beat ‘im, though!” someone else cut in. “That stupid uppity rich boy still can’t win a fight!”

Dio ignored the comment. The wheels in his mind were turning.

“Where is JoJo now?” he asked with practiced nonchalance.

Everyone’s fingers pointed back the way they had come. “Where we left ‘im, ‘round where the river flows behind that fancy mansion of ‘is. ‘e’s probably lickin’ his wounds if ‘e isn’t passed out by now.”

Dio strode forward, and the group parted like the Red Sea to Moses, allowing him to continue his way down the path.

“He’s gotten a lot stronger, Dio!” one of the group called to him. “You should be careful!”

“Don’t be stupid...!” another snapped. “As if anyone could beat Dio…! Least of all JoJo!”

Dio felt his hands curl into fists again. He forced himself to keep his stride even and unhurried.

“Yeah, and in the state we left ‘im, JoJo ain’t gonna be beatin’ anyone.”

“Dio’s got this, easy! Come on, let’s go!”

The sound of running footsteps and rowdy talk faded away, signalling the group’s exit. Dio allowed himself an irritated scoff.

It did not take Dio long to find JoJo. He saw the blood first, a trail of it, decorating the riverbank with scattered smears of crimson. And at the end of the trail, not at all far from where the trail started, lay JoJo.

Stepping off the path and onto the grass, Dio approached the fallen Joestar heir. At a glance, JoJo looked like a dead man. Dio had seen plenty of those in the slums of London, hidden curled up in alley corners, propped up against the wall behind pubs, or simply lying prone against the cobblestones, just like JoJo did now in the grass. It was immediately obvious that JoJo was alive though, if the laboured breathing was any indication.

Pity.

The grass rustled beneath Dio’s feet as he approached. JoJo coughed and turned his head just in time to see the other boy standing over him.

“Dio…” Though hoarsely spoken, the name came out sounding like a bitter curse. “Come to kick me while I’m down? You would do that, wouldn’t you…? Damn… coward…”

A few more coughs sent another light spray of blood spattering against the grass. JoJo groaned.

God, how badly Dio wanted to confirm JoJo’s bitter words. On the ground, face covered in blood and bruises, fancy clothes torn and dirtied, literally crawling - throughout all the torments Dio had put him through, JoJo had never looked more pathetic and beaten than he did right now. And here Dio was, in the perfect position to revel in the younger boy’s misery, to dig his heel into his back and say, “And here I thought only dogs crawled on all fours.”

But…

“That would be unseemly,” Dio said.

“You would know,” JoJo retorted. He grunted as he attempted to get his arms under him and push himself up, only for his arms to fail him and send his face crashing back into the dirt.

JoJo’s body began to shake. His hands clenched at the grass, soft, muffled sounds leaving him in spite of whatever efforts he might have been making to hide them. Dio simply looked down at him impassively. Then, he bent down and grabbed Jonathan by the arm.

“Wh– Hey…! What are you–?!”

Ignoring JoJo’s protests, Dio slung JoJo’s arm over his shoulder.

“Dio, what do you think you’re–?!” JoJo began to cough again.

“Helping you back home, is that all right?” Dio replied coolly.

He started towards the nearby bridge, which would allow them to cross the river and cut across the field to reach the mansion. JoJo recovered from his cough and began to struggle against Dio’s hold.

“Dio… Let go of me…!”

They reached the bridge and made their way across.

“I said let go!”

Dio tightened his grip on JoJo’s arm and continued their trek towards the mansion.

“Dio, let g–!” More coughing, this time severe enough for JoJo to sag significantly in Dio’s hold, forcing them to a stop.

“What?” Dio looked at JoJo with no small amount of annoyance. “Are you planning on crawling the rest of the way?”

JoJo did not answer immediately, his whole body shaking with the force of coughing up more blood onto the grass. As Dio watched, though, the coughing morphed into those same muffled sounds JoJo had been making on the riverbank only a minute or two ago. Dio could not make out his face, but JoJo’s body continued to shake.

“...You never liked Danny,” JoJo said at length, after his shaking had subsided a bit, voice low and barely audible.

“...No, I didn’t,” Dio admitted after a calculated pause. “What of it?”

“You killed him, Dio…!” JoJo turned his head to glare at him, frantic fury no less palpable through the tears running down his face. “I know you did, I know it was you, you killed him!”

Dio met JoJo’s teary gaze with a carefully crafted mask of easy benevolence. “JoJo… That is rather unfair of you.”

In an instant, the fire in JoJo’s eyes was doused with a startled uncertainty. “What...?”

“So I didn’t like your dog,” Dio continued sensibly. “For that reason alone you think me capable of committing such a cruel act?”

JoJo averted his gaze. “Well, I…”

Dio sighed in disappointment. “Really, JoJo.”

He forced JoJo to straighten up, leaving whatever excuses or retorts the latter might have said to die wordlessly as Dio resumed their walk.

Everything was quiet for a stretch. The grass crunched beneath their feet, a soft wind rustled past the nearby trees, JoJo’s breathing remained laboured and audible, broken only by the occasional cough, but no words passed between the two of them. Dio just kept his sights set on the mansion, trying to ignore how heavy JoJo was beginning to feel against his shoulder.

At around halfway to their destination, Dio glanced at Jonathan. The younger boy appeared lost in thought, blood and tear stained face a picture of conflicting emotions.

Dio returned his sights to the mansion. “So, what happened?”

“Huh?”

“You’re hardly the type to get into fights needlessly.”

Silence. Dio could see JoJo out of the corner of his eye, staring at him with a puzzled frown.

“...Why are you doing this, Dio?” JoJo finally asked.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“This is another one of your tricks, isn’t it?” The accusation, though bitter, held no bite to it, weighed down instead by weariness and resignation. “You’re planning to humiliate me somehow, to drag me down even further.”

Dio shook his head. “Still so unfair, JoJo. I saw you were in need and chose to help you. Is that really so hard to believe?”

“Well–“

“What, am I not allowed to show even the barest amount of humanity?” Dio asked, allowing a touch of bitterness in his own voice.

“No…!” JoJo cried. “I-I mean yes, but– No, that’s not what I…”

The words trailed off. Jonathan looked more confused and conflicted than ever. Dio held back a smirk, and the rest of the walk was spent in silence.

When they finally approached the front of the mansion, JoJo began to pull back. “Wait...”

Dio looked at him in annoyance. “What is it now?”

“Father,” JoJo said quietly, not meeting Dio’s gaze. “I don’t want him to see me like this.”

It would have been so easy to mock JoJo. Being so caught up in the loss of a dog that he had actually forgotten about the whereabouts of his own father? It was beyond pathetic.

“He’s not here, remember?” Dio said. “He went out of town yesterday to meet with a potential business partner and won’t be back for another two days. Come on…”

He nudged JoJo forward, and after a few hesitant stumbles, JoJo allowed Dio to lead him to and through the front door, where they were soon greeted by a very concerned staff. JoJo attempted to wave them all off, claiming to be “just fine” and other pointless self-denying rubbish. Dio simply asked that a bowl of warm water be brought to JoJo’s room as he brushed past them and helped JoJo make his way up the stairs.

When they got to JoJo’s room, Dio kicked the desk chair out from in front of JoJo’s desk and dropped the other boy into it. JoJo groaned, leaning forward with his arms wrapped around his abdomen, and Dio removed his jacket, tossing it onto the desk beside the two of them.

“...I... don’t think you answered my question earlier.”

Dio glanced up from rolling up his shirt sleeves to meet a searching blue gaze.

“Why are you helping me, Dio?” JoJo asked, the question genuine but guarded.

“Do you not want me to, JoJo?” Dio responded easily.

The blue gaze dropped back down to the floor. “I don’t know…”

JoJo’s arms tightened around his middle. The frown on his face was marred by a deep discomfort, too vulnerable to be resentfulness or hostility. Dio regarded him for a moment, carefully indifferent, then resumed folding up his shirt sleeves.

One of the manservants soon arrived with the requested water. The man once again expressed concern over the two boys, but Dio assured him that everything was under control and that he would call if they needed anything else. The manservant left, albeit hesitantly, and Dio returned to JoJo’s side with the bowl in hand, placing it onto the desk.

After soaking the provided cloth in the warm water and wringing it out, Dio turned and pushed Jonathan upright, drawing a startled cry of pain from the injured boy as he instinctively attempted to curl back in on himself. Dio ignored him, keeping one hand against JoJo’s shoulder.

“Sit still.” He pressed the damp cloth against a cut running along the edge of JoJo’s hairline.

“Ow!” JoJo recoiled, trying to pull away. “Dio! What are you– Ow!”

“Even a cut can become gangrenous if not properly attended to,” Dio said, dipping the cloth into the basin again and wiping more blood from a cut down Jonathan’s temple.

“Ow! I know that, but–”

“Then what is the problem? Just sit still and let me clean those cuts,” Dio retorted. He brought the cloth to a remarkable split in the skin above JoJo’s eye.

“Ow…! All right, all right, fine, just…” JoJo clenched and unclenched his fists for a moment, as though unsure what to do with his hands, before finally and hesitantly settling on gripping his knees. “Be gentle, all right…?”

Dio grit his teeth, fingers tightening around the cloth in his hand. He resumed cleaning JoJo’s cuts as before.

‘Be gentle.’

What the hell? How, how had he lost to this? A pampered brat who whined and flinched at the slightest pain? JoJo had taken a thumb to the eye, even a knee to the head better than this…!

JoJo hissed, tensing yet again as the cloth pulled at the edges of the cut along his hairline. “Well… You certainly seem to know what you’re doing…”

The words were murmured, sounding like a light observation spoken more to JoJo himself than to the boy in front of him.

Despite that, Dio found himself saying coldly, “Of course. I’ve had to.”

JoJo’s eyes flicked upward to look at him, wide, confused, and naive, so infuriatingly goddamned naive–

“The slums of London are not so kind as the backwater countryside, JoJo,” Dio snarled, glaring at the cut he was currently cleaning.

“...Right. Of course, that makes sense.”

Dio paused, actually looking JoJo in the face. He nearly reeled back.

Dio did not quite recognize the look on JoJo’s face. There was no hostility in it, no defensiveness, not even a resignation. It was not pity, Dio did actually know what that looked like. No, it was something else. Dio hated it.

“Tch.” Dio looked away, managing to regain a fumbling hold on his temper as he continued tending to Jonathan’s wounds. “You know, you never answered my question.”

“What? Ow…!”

“What happened?” Dio asked, relaxing now that that look had disappeared behind a wince of pain.

“I… It was nothing.” JoJo looked away. “I simply lost my temper…”

Dio just barely managed to hold back a scoff as he wrung out the cloth in the, by now, blood stained water. Chances were, his followers had found Jonathan and verbally assaulted him until some slight violated his precious sense of ‘honour,’ and he lashed out physically. Considering how much more emotionally fragile JoJo had been as of late, it would not have been difficult.

“Dio.”

At the sound of his name, Dio turned back to JoJo with a raised eyebrow. “Yes?”

There it was. That look again, made somehow worse by the way JoJo sat upright in his chair, despite how much it obviously physically pained him.

“I’m…” JoJo hesitated, then continued certainly, “I’m sorry. For… making you cry.”

Never had Dio felt more like he wanted to hit someone.

That look, those words, something about them just… got under his skin, made him feel not like the veritable god he knew he was. Dio wanted to hurt Jonathan, to punch that look off his face, to–

run a w ay

 an d

 h i d e

“...I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dio said through grit teeth.

JoJo bowed his head. “Right. Of course.”

Dio’s grip tightened around the cloth once again. “Good god, just sit still,” he growled.

The rest of their time was spent in silence, save for the occasional hiss or cry from JoJo.

[freedomscall-aa]

DRAGON AGE II

      THE CITY OF CHAINS, ACT I

Fleeing from the Grey Wardens following his allowance of Justice into his body and the bloody events that took place immediately afterwards, Anders takes refuge within the walls of Kirkwall among the hundreds of other Ferelden refugees who now call the city home after the yearlong Blight laid waste to townships and smaller hamlets. He establishes a small clinic in the filth and crime ridden under city, Darktown, where he offers his talents as a healer near free of charge to suffering, displaced families and individuals. Through rumors his prior association with the Grey Wardens and the maps he carried with him eventually becomes a topic of interest to a fellow Ferelden and their growing gang of misfits.

This verse takes place during the events of the game's first act and thus encompasses Anders' first encounter with Hawke, the death of Karl, the trek into the Deep Roads, etc. The default state of this verse leans towards a friendship path with Hawke, but will be adjusted as needed.

      THE CITY OF CHAINS, ACT II

Three years out from the Dark Roads expedition Anders has found his connections to the now wealthy Hawke and their associates something akin to a gift from the Maker himself in various ways. Life is now somewhat easier with the support of those in the group he considers himself friends with, though the mage's personality is forever changed by the death of Karl all those years ago. Over time he has developed a propensity to further isolate himself when not following the call of Hawke and has been known to display forms of increasingly paranoid behavior by those he comes into close contact with. Despite this, Anders further commits himself to tending to refugees when not out and about with Hawke. In turn, he trusts their loyalty to protect knowledge of his whereabouts from Templars who've caught wind of his activities. Their protection is a small blessing in and of itself, as Justice's, now Vengeance's, strength has further manifested itself with his body-- Anders now finding it increasingly difficult to control himself from causing harm when face to face with those within the Templar Order. Overly sympathetic to the the plight of the mages imprisoned within the Kirkwall's Circle now more than ever, the blond has begun to dedicate himself to pursuing a feat he once considered madness before his merger with Justice-- the separation of the Circle from the Chantry. In-between his time spent with patients within the clinic and Hawke's adventures, Anders begins writing the first draft of what would become his manifesto and finds himself becoming involved in a small resistance group of like minded apostates to help ferry runaway mages out of the city.

This verse encompasses the whole of act two and the three prior mentioned years following Hawke's expedition in the Deep Roads. The default state for this verse assumes Anders begins the act on a full friendship path with a Hawke that has flirted with him, then after Leandra’s death said Hawke quickly swings towards a semi-rival in the later half, leaving Anders heartbroken. In this verse Anders is ultimately able to regain control of himself from Vengeance to prevent the death of the female mage in his companion quest, Dissent.

      THE CITY OF CHAINS, ACT III

Another three years pass, the time spent with the mage finding himself at constant odds with himself. His inner struggles with Vengeance are a day to day activity, Anders for a period of time devoid of all interest in the plight of his fellow mage due to seeing himself as nothing but an abomination after almost losing himself completely to Vengeance's urge to kill a young mage some years ago. He has become further withdrawn with his attempts to regain control over the spirit inhabiting his body, a battle that he will ultimately lose in the end. As a consequence of this fight of control he has further developed traits that reflect the current state of his mentality-- prone to increasingly wild mood swings ranging from fits of melancholy to purely manic phases of determination to channeling his bitingly vicious anger at whoever is unfortunate enough to be at the opposite end of his staff during his excursions with Hawke and company. To further this issue, he has begun to suffer lapses in memory when not out with the Champion; often finding himself in locations he has no recollection of traveling to and regularly discovering he is missing large gaps of time out of his day to day activities. To those who he considers himself closest to it is obvious that he's begun planning something, though what and if it is Anders himself in control of the process is unknown.

This verse features Anders at his worse, markedly mentally ill with no feasible way out of act three's inevitable conclusion. His relationships with Hawke and the rest of the gang are heavily strained and the default state of this verse assumes him to be a full rival path with a Hawke who, despite being heavily traumatized by what happened to their mother, ultimately sides with the Mages. You all know how it ends, so I imagine I don't have to say much more.

DRAGON AGE: INQUISITION

      WHAT VENGEANCE HAS WROUGHT

THIS VERSE WILL EVENTUALLY BE REVAMPED TO ADD EASIER INTERATIONS FOR INQUISTION BASED MUSES, BUT MOST OF WHAT IS HERE IS STILL ACCURATE. FOR A SNEAK PEEK REGARDING WHAT I’M PLANNING TO DO, SEE THIS POST.

Hawke should have killed him, is what Anders used to tell himself frequently before finally settling in his guilt--- mind rife in his knowledge that, despite it all, he would do it again in a heartbeat. There were no other options, despite his regrets, the blond’s actions a year later inciting a rebellion the likes of which hasn’t been seen in centuries.

Vengeance is sated, frequently quiet-- leaving the mage with nothing but his own thoughts for the first time in nearly eight years. Yet, in the scant moments where the spirit’s thoughts invade his own they’ve begun to slowly resemble those of the friend he once he had. He is full to the brim with anxieties, abandoned by those he called friends in the wake of his actions in Kirkwall and unwanted by the very mages he sought to free. Once again a lone apostate, or more accurately: a wanted abomination, Anders travels familiar lands following the path of the war his actions served as the catalyst for. Supposed sightings place him all over the world, the blond on the very rarest occasion finding some humor in the fact that he can apparently now be in several locations at once. If only it was so simple all those years ago when he was just a boy trying to get back home to his mother.

These days he finds himself like he did back in Kirkwall before everything came to a head, offering his healing services to refugee camps before moving on lest someone figures out who he really is. It stings, however, when even more non-mages refuse his aid-- perception of mages further tainted by the war. In between camps he lives a rather bare bones existence, sequestering himself away in the forests that dot his path to a place unknown before the Templar army or, worse, the Inquisition can find him-- all the while ignoring the cruelest of siren calls, one he recognizes well from his time with Hawke within an old Grey Warden prison so many years ago.

      WHAT LOVE HAS SACRIFICED

IM GONNA REVAMP THIS EVENTUALLY SO LIKE A LOT OF THIS DOESN’T APPLY ANYMORE, SORRY Hawke should have killed him, is what Anders tells himself frequently. Instead, however, they sheltered him-- from Kirkwall, from the Templars, from the world when the results of Vengeance's, of HIS actions boiled over and sparked a war. In fact, Anders could go so far to say that they sacrificed everything they had earned over that decade in Kirkwall for him. He's not sure how they tolerate him these days, awash in guilt as Vengeance whispers in his mind that Hawke is holding them back from joining the Mages’ in their fight against their centuries long oppressors. That Hawke covertly wants to sedate him, control him, lock him away, suffocate him--- The angry insistence of a spirit that is no longer his friend. Anders has worked for years to stifle the spirit's control over him and for once he finally feels as though he's winning, only at the cost of the world and everything else he held dear. His struggle is something Hawke knows, but he is, however, sure they think him insane, which is fair, and still something of a threat regardless of their feelings for him or his claim of control. Anders thinks himself completely mad these days too, especially when Vengeance falls momentarily silent and the blond is left with his own thoughts. Thus, it was no surprise when the day Hawke informed him that they’re leaving came. But what came after, however, was. Not that they’re leaving him, but that instead they’re leaving their makeshift home, together, following the call of an old friend who has seemed to find themselves involved in the Inquisition.

DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS, AWAKENING

VIGIL’S KEEP

twenty nine year old man loves a tiny kitten to death, the verse u//c, obviously

KINLOCH HOLD

actual baby twenty-something has to pretend that everything is okay after losing his bf for almost another decade all while silently plotting his next and greatest escape before getting chucked into solitary for a year. u//c, obviously

GREY WARDEN // UNPOSSESSED

A purely self indulgent verse to explore the what ifs if Anders had never ran away from the Grey Wardens. By default this verse assumes that by not merging with Justice, Kristoff's body eventually was unable to function and Anders instead helped him return to the Fade, despite how he would have otherwise been willing to go through with other plans if not for Rolan's presence when the moment finally came. I'm willing to adjust this verse's default assumption of what happens to Justice as needed to other character's verses where they instead become the spirit's host.

This verse extends through the same period of time as Dragon Age 2 onwards and certain events in it might put him in Kirkwall or Inquisition locations at various points in time. In this situation, Anders ultimately avoided possession by his friend, a spirit of Justice--- the blond finding himself unwilling to go through with such a thing while both mage and spirit were under then constant watch of a former Templar that was allowed into the Order shortly after the Warden Commander had moved on. Hesitant and suspicious of the fact that both of them were constantly given the same assignments with said former Templar by the Orlesian Wardens who outranked him ( and made him give up his cat ), Anders eventually sensed something was up. Mind rife with paranoia, he eventually deduced that Rolan was just waiting for him to make some small tiny mistake to justify outright killing him and, by extension, such a thing would also allow the Senior Wardens to wash their hands of the former apostate. 

Without melding himself with Justice, many of Anders' budding issues that the spirit would have otherwise taken issue to and attempt to correct only continued to grow through the years; the mage becoming something close to a functional alcoholic with a promiscuous streak that waxes and wanes in accordance to his moods and, ultimately, mental state. He is still an extremely skilled healer despite this, and, as the years past, has become expected to train both new mage and new non-mage wardens under him in the nuances of quick, messy field chirurgy and intermediate herbalism--- a role that he enjoys far more than he imagined he would.

INQUSITOR // HERALD OF ANDTRASTE

The Maker, if He does exist, certainly has a sense of humor. Or at least, this is what the mage grimly told himself when faced with the reality of the pulsing, agonizing wound upon his palm and the distrusting, angry faces that surrounded him once he woke. He had just wanted to see it, hope in his heart for the moment where the Divine sided with the mages--- wishful thinking for a man who had gone through all that he had. Yet, as with all things in his life: his wants never quite go to plan.

your typical ‘what-if’ verse, u//c

MODERN DAY

A licensed physician with a complicated past, and the mental illnesses to go along with it. Anders thinks he works best under the stress of the emergency department, though a part of him longs to settle into life as the owner of his own private clinic. A mundane man, with only _slightly_ eccentric interests ( an educated man, vaguely interested in the occult? ), who somehow managed to gather ( and keep! ) a gaggle of friends from all walks of life despite how ' depressing ‘ he can become at times.

mass effect? fallout? elder scrolls?

[morphogenetic]

why you should play the ds version of 999 first and not the nonary games version: a thread

excuse the formatting of this bc im copying it from my twitter as text, but: why you shouldn’t play the nona/ry games version of 999 on your first run, a thread. lots of this has been said by other people too but i figured i would condense my opinions + what other people have said. 999 spoilers ofc, also vague vlr spoilers later on but the 999 spoilers are a lot worse lmao.

this is ABSURDLY long and i am sorry but tl;dr spoiler free version: buy tng anyway so you can easily play vlr in hd and to support the games, but play 999 on either a ds or an emulator if you have to because boy howdy the story is really meant for this platform (if you’re replaying 999 in the tng version after originally playing the ds version none of this applies LMAO)

(also this isn't meant to at ALL be angry at people who played the t/ng port first! im sad y'all didn't get to experience the dual screen version, but at this point t/ng is much more accessible and a lot of people don't even KNOW about the ds-original thing, so it's not your fault!!  like i WISH to god that they had ported it in some dual-screen/two-screen way, but the fact that they didn't isn't anyone's fault. ok end this part y'all are so valid i just feel sad that you didnt experience the game in its Best State)

spoilers below the cut

1) the big one: the implementation of the dual screen thing. they were always going to have a hard time implementing this on not-a-3ds, but i'll start with the non-spoilery part: action mode...is bad. the fact that they force you into it. is bad. novel mode is more passable but the fact that they default you into a mode with nearly 95% dialogue-only, in a visual novel, is..pretty gross, and the fact that they force-switch you into novel mode sometimes anyway is. maybe an indication that having a 95% dialogue route in a visual novel...wasnt good

  they EASILY could have done a split-screen mode instead, and while that wouldn't have been ideal either, it would still have allowed for the incorporation of both screens simultaneously without having to make compromises

also, petty spoiler thing, but some of the dialogue rewrites to make action mode flow better took out one of my fave pieces of foreshadowing. the main example of this is in junpei's flashback thing to getting kidnapped near the beginning of the game. in t/ng, they had him voice the 'huh, did i leave that open?' line, with respect to his window being open because, you know, zero 'bout to kidnap him. in the original, this is /not/ on the top screen (i.e. voiced by junpei) - it's on the bottom screen. without quotes, i.e. it's not something he's thinking but it's there, in the same formatting as the rest of the descriptions. in other words.....zero is the one saying 'huh, did i leave that open?' in real time, foreshadowing the dual screen twist. this is SO minor in comparison to everything else for SURE but the fact that this got left out still makes me so sad bc i LOVED it. anyway.

 (also the fact that the narrative mode twist of all the random gore descriptions being food-like makes WAY more sense in retrospect with the dual screens, because of course a fucking 12 year old wouldn't know how else to describe gore lmao. this is kind of lost in t/ng because it makes it out to be more of something that jun/pei is thinking but i digress. dual screen for dual protagonists good thanks)

2) (YES IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO GET HERE. SH) the final puzzle.....in t/ng....fucking sucks. not only because the puzzle itself sucks, which uh...it does (PASSWORD IS THE PASSWORD?? FUCKING REALLY??). but a) it loses the theme-ing of the sudoku itself since, yknow. 9s everywhere but, 

b) more importantly, it just...doesn't have the same punch to it. even ignoring the fact that the sudden upside-down-ness is one of the best ways i've ever seen a puzzle suddenly hit you with a plot twist/a revelation, in this case the 'oh shit, we were solving puzzles from akane's viewpoint the whole time and /only now/ are we truly doing it with junpei being the input source' is just. fucking masterful. explaining this is so hard but i promise it makes sense. like obviously the twist w the dual perspectives thing is revealed right before but the fact that they suddenly (literally) flip the entire game on its head is just. *chef kiss* so good. 

also, adding to this, c) the fact that the tn/g version took out the fact that you were seeing baby!kane's face while you were doing the sudoku just adds to the emotional impact of the puzzle. like, in that moment, the puzzle itself isn't the relevant factor, it's the fact that you're doing the puzzle to save her. i no joke started fucking CRYING irl when that happened bc of how hard that hit me emotionally and the fact that they didn't even have something to mimic that in t/ng makes me so goddamn sad. it's not about the puzzle, its about Saving someone via the puzzle, and they just...removed that part. h

(also another dual screen thing here bc i forgot to add it earlier: the constant perspective-swapping thing during the true end feels much less awkward on the ds since you can just naturally shift your eyes between the screens. again, minor, and there probably was never going to be a great way to implement this with a single screen regardless, but it really does flow so much better with two screens. 3ds port of tn/g when)

3) finally, a more Controversial Opinion, but the timeline flow, while absolutely great for replays, kind of ends up spoiling you on the fact that there are multiple timelines that you have to search through for the truth. i wouldn't have minded this so much if the timeline feature in t/ng only unlocked after you hit your first ending, but they didn't do that - they let you look at it from the very start, which really..misses the point of the game. 

(minor vl/r spoilers incoming) in vlr, the fact that you know you have multiple branches from the start makes sense, especially both because it's SUPER obvious that there are branching points (door choices, allying/betraying, etc). obviously 99/9 has choices like that too ala the door choices, but you're actively -not- jumping between timelines. that's the point! because junpei CAN'T jump!! he's an esper, sure, though maybe only one by accident/strong emotional connection [thats a whole different thread LMAO], but the whole point is that he can't make timeline choices  in the same way that phi and sigma can literally timeline shift.

(end v/lr spoilers here i think) tl;dr the timeline feature is great for replays bc its super anti-frustration but boy howdy they did not implement it well. final point:  the fact that you have to play 999 from the beginning every time you get an end makes sense narratively since akane has to do the same thing - she has to go through the whole route (in junpei's head ofc) over and over, she can't just skip around. again, anti-frustration feature that i'm glad they added, but you still lose something w t/ng this way

like ngl, having to fast forward through things instead of just skipping around is annoying as hell, but akane had to do the same goddamn thing! probably way more than we actually have to do it in the game, tbh. definitely this is me prioritizing certain limitations of the ds hardware as important to the narrative but you really do end up missing out if you can just skip at will

4) very minor thing that isnt actually a plot thing at all but  some of the puzzle dialogue is infinitely funnier when you have the ability to see the characters on the top screen talking at the same time you have the puzzle stuff on the bottom screen. this mostly applies to all the stuff with the cards w all the player faces on them in the...cargo room? like it's still funny without it but somehow seeing santa talking about himself on the card when he says 'that's one handsome son-of-a-bitch!' is 500x funnier when you literally see him TALKING about himself

JESUS FUCK THIS IS LONG IM SO SORRY IF YOURE ON MOBILE

[theamazingcaptdeadpool]

Sinday Meme for Characters Who Share a Brain

The original meme can be found here: x Characters: Wade Wilson (@theamazingcaptdeadpool), Frank Castle (@mementomorimthrfckr) and Ajax (@cantfeelsht) Warning: An abundance of words, massive TMI, cursing duh, threats double duh, Any complaints may be directed at our lawyer; @hellsainted

Frank scoffed as Wade had spent the last three minutes trying to figure out a title, brainstorming no pun intended with himself – and the result he landed on you already read. “That sounds terrible, Wade.” he grumbled and sipped his coffee. A sort of bribe to get him to partake in the thing. “You come up with a better one then, Skulls, and we’ll use that.” Wade fired back, thankful that Frank wasn’t known for his creativity. “What was wrong with the original title?” Ajax wanted to know and crossed his arms. He was leaning nonchalantly against the wall, watching the other two with what one could describe as ‘calm suspiciousness’. “It was too long.” Wade complained. “Not catchy. And we’re replying as ourselves. The original title suggested that the co-pilot do it for us. Or arms dealer. Or whatever the hell you call her.” he explained, because he could see Frank straining as he tried to work it out. Be nice Wade. I’m always nice.  “Why don’t we just get this over with.” Ajax’s stare moved from Frank to Wade. His former subject was the most keen on this, after all – surely he would kick it off.  “Best idea you’ve had, Francis.” Wade murmured as he counted the questions of the meme. “Alright, there are twenty questions. Let the sinning commence!” he clapped his hands and rubbed his palms eagerly. 

“Jesus,” Frank exclaimed and leaned over the table, snatching the laptop from the merc with a dirty imagination mouth. “I’ll read these.” He glowered at Wade who raised his hands in defeat. There was no point in challenging the Punisher this early in the game.   “What muse needs the most attention on sinday?” Frank read and for some reason found himself looking glumly up at Ajax who shook his head.  “Wade it is then.” It wasn’t that Frank wouldn’t mind the attention… he just wouldn’t actively seek it.   “Yeah, that’s a no brainer.” Wade murmured, he had somehow produced whiteboard signs and written “Me!” on one side and “Not me!” on the other. What? I came prepared. I always do. Yes, that is me being suggestive. He gave one to Ajax who reluctantly accepted.  “Just making it easier for us.” He explained, surprisingly caring.  “Whatever it takes to shut you up,” Ajax looked at both sides to make sure he hadn’t written anything funny on his. 

“Easy, Francis,” Wade began only to be interrupted by Frank who read the next question loudly. “Which muse usually stays silent on sinday?” Frank sniffed. He hadn’t partaken in any sindays, yet. “I’m not it.” Wade said quickly. “I love me some sinday. Actually every day is sinday in my book. Doesn’t always have to be sex. Severe procrastination. Excess eating. Pillows of blow…” “You ever hear of TMI?” Frank put the laptop down on the table with more force than he intended.

  Wade wiped one of the sides of his sign clear and wrote “NO!” only to hold it up for Frank to see. None of them had noticed how Ajax was holding up his own sign reading “Me!” and it took all his effort not to wack Wade in the back of the head with it. “Let’s move on.” Ajax shot in, before Wade could start one of his endless rambles. Frank glared at Wade like a teacher glare at the kid in class that won’t ever stay silent – that they’re afraid to take their eyes off because they know they’ll cause trouble. “Share some headcanons about your muses’ sexual and/or romantic orientation… You want to go first, Ajax?” Frank offered without looking at him. “Francis.” Wade corrected him. “Can’t feel. He can’t get it up – and can’t get it off.” Ajax closed his eyes, his jaw tense. “Wade is right.” he murmured. “I’m asexual. Except for specific muses. That has to be talked over in detail.” “Contracts has to be signed. Very Christian Grey. Wouldn’t play with him.” Wade turned towards the room and whispered to no one. Well, at least none that Frank and Ajax were aware of. They shared a moment of confusion, waiting for something to happen – someone to reply. As the silence bordered awkward Frank nodded and continued with the survey; “I’m bi with a preference towards women, but I’m not really looking for anything.” His voice was low. He wet his lips and averted his eyes, bouncing his foot impatiently. 

“I’m pan – the comics has me paired up with women and Spiderman. Over here, meaning Tumblr, I have a preference towards men.” Wade stated the obvious. Frank drew a breath to read the next question, but then Wade continued; “Men with metal arms. Men that are Avengers. Men that’s purple… Is that even a man?” “You done?” Frank wanted to know. They’d missed how Wade had fixed the other side of his sign – and was now holding up a “YES!”. “What are your favourite ship for your muses?” Frank was visibly confused by the question.   “For me it’s the Millenium Falcon,” Wade answered – hoping it would make it easier for the not so shockingly thick marine. “Oh, and I love my warship.” “I don’t ship.” Ajax shrugged. He saw no need to. “Cablepool, Winterpool, Cappool, Hawkpool – the one with Colossus, I forgot its name…” Wade counted on his fingers. “Thunderpool is kinda cute.” “You any idea what he’s on about?” Frank turned towards Ajax. “You don’t want to know, mate.” Ajax said with a sigh. “It’s a question about who you see yourself with.” “No one.” Frank answered shortly. He couldn’t be with anyone, because whoever got close to him ended up dead or worse. 

“Why so glum sugarplum?” Wade leaned forward. “What about Castlevania?” “Are you…” Frank was about to get fired up but by some miracle managed to compose himself. He cleared his throat and shifted. “Nevermind. The next question – “ Frank decided he best ignore the entire thing; he thought they were done with Castlevania. He was not to be ‘shipped’ as the kids called it – with Dracula. “Which muse is the kinkiest?” “Next!” Wade called – he was holding up his sign. “Me!” it read. And maybe that was the truth. Wade is into a lot of things, after all… “Which muse has the strangest kinks?” Frank read warily. Wade slammed his sign down on the table to grab everyone’s attention and held it up again. He pointed to it and looked between the other two; “Unless you want to list some kinks?” “Next.” Ajax nodded towards the screen. “You sure, Francis? I won’t kink shame. Maybe I could interest you in – “ “Next!” Ajax insisted. “Choose one muse and tell us how they lost their virginity.” Frank read. He thought perhaps they could draw straws or… “Rock papers scissors lizard Spock.” Wade said with remarkable speed and accuracy. 

“I lost mine to and older girl at one of the many orphanages I visited.” Ajax said flatly, wanting them to believe that it hadn’t really mattered.   “You’re so boring, Francis.” Wade pouted. “At least give us some details.” “It was quick, messy and left me wanting more.” Ajax squared his jaw. “Satisfied?” “Unlike you’ll ever be again; yes. Thank you. I’m touched, Francis.” Wade sniffed as if he was sincerely moved, whilst Frank hid a chuckle and shook his head, clearly relieved that he didn’t have to spill the beans.

“Each of us have to share a random sex fact… I…” Frank rubbed the back of his neck. “I like it when the woman is on top of me, so I can see her pleasure and have her in control.” he admitted. Wade gave an approving nod. “I prefer to be the sub – to give up the control, but more often than not I’m taking it because I get impatient – I think. What about you Francis? Any sexy secrets about your preferences? Oh that’s right…” “I get off on watching others emotions. Pleasure – pain? Doesn’t matter.” Ajax admitted – his tone threatening. Wade gasped loudly and murmured ‘Sadist’ under his breath. Frank blinked and tilted his head slightly to the side – as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Remind me again why we haven’t killed this guy?” Frank asked Wade. “You tell me. Hey, Francis, would you like to hurt me a little – how about that, huh?” “Yes, how about that?” Ajax pushed off the wall, his eyes like pits of hell. Dark, angry. A far too familiar smirk tugging at his lips. 

Frank’s arm shot out – stopping the villain from getting too close. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Wade taunted him. “Yeah,” Ajax snarled – pressing against Frank’s hand. “If you could organise… Seriously who made up these questions? Are these,” Frank turned the laptop around, unable to mask how mortified he felt. “Are you behind these Wade? Because I swear to god…” “I can take the blame for a lot of things – but not that.” Wade pointed at the screen. “Finish the question. I’m curious now.” Frank sighed and tilted his head upwards, as if he was asking for patience. 

“Alright. Alright… Argh… God. If you could organise a threesome involving three of your muses, who would you choose? I guess this one isn’t for us. And… heaven forbid the three of us ever get put in a room together again. Because the next time? I won’t go easy.” Frank pushed Ajax so he fell back against the wall and stared threateningly at Wade. “Careful Frank, he might like it.” Wade taunted. Ajax pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. He hated Wade for his ability to get to him.   “The next one is for her as well. What muse she’d like to write a ship for…” Frank shook his head again. “What the fuck’s up with all these damned boats? Anyway… I assume she’d like to try me out with Billy.” “Kinky.” Wade purred. “I’m already in quite a few ships. If we’re adding to… pfft.” Truth was, Wade was content with his situation, so it took some thinking. “A Nathan would be nice? And no ships for Francis. His ship sank the day he let Michael Jackson Dr. Killebrew fiddle with his body.” Wade clicked his tongue and winked at Ajax. 

“How can you possibly know – “ Ajax began – cut off by Frank as he read the next question. “What are some preferences when deciding whether or not to ship a muse?” Frank frowned at the screen. “Read the rules, play nice, write well – I don’t know.” Wade hummed in agreement.  “And don’t assume we’ll ship – I don’t know about the other two, but I’m picky.” “You? Picky?” Ajax scoffed and leered at him. “Do you get to be?” “Well – I can’t fuck all the people who’s bummed because you couldn’t get it up for them.” Wade fired back. 

Frank rubbed his face – considering shooting them both. Ajax wouldn’t feel it, but he could die. Wade would feel it and couldn’t die. What a trio they were… “Are you guys DONE bickering yet?” he sounded tiredly. “Never,” Wade answered as he breathed in. Ajax rolled his eyes. “I prefer missionary or the cowgirl or whatever it’s known as these days. I like the intimacy. The control or giving up of. I like to touch, to see…” Frank’s words grew with passion as he spoke. Wade blinked and looked at him. “What are you on about?” “The next question. I figured I might finish this on my own and get the hell out.” Frank was done with the bullshit.   “What was the question?” Wade put his hands on the table and leaned forward. “Headcanons, sex positions.” Frank scratched his cheek, and glanced up at Ajax. “You outta this one, too?”

“Against a wall… Or relentless teasing,” Ajax didn’t even get to finish before Wade corrected him; “Endless foreplay,” “To draw as much sound from the other part as possible.” Ajax blinked and turned slowly towards Wade. “What about you then, collared and on your knees begging for it?” 

“Actually that’s not that far from the truth. But I like a lot of things. Depends on my partner and whether I’m giving up control or not.” Wade shrugged. “How much time – “ Frank already began reading the next question. “ – none, then.” Wade sighed. “Has she written smut for you guys? Because that’s a no for me.” Frank didn’t take his eyes off the screen – this he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Ajax arched an eyebrow and cocked his head, Wade nodded vigorously. “I suppose neither of you know whether she prefers to write it or not?” Frank huffed and leaned back into his chair. “How are we supposed to answer these questions when they’re not even… yes… Wade?” Much to his surprise Wade has raised his hand. 

“Thank you. I happen to know that she don’t mind writing smut, but she has to feel comfortable with the person she’s writing it with.” “Multiship or singleship?” Frank turned to Ajax. He couldn’t stand the guy, but at least he’d had the decency to explain some of these things to him. “Is no ship an option?” Ajax smirked. It should be pretty clear at this point that he didn’t ship. “It is now. I’m on the fence. I wouldn’t ship with someone exclusively I think.” Frank grimaced at himself, as he was now using Tumblr and games own terms.   “Good call, Frank! For me it’s multiship all the way.” Wade drew a horizontal line in the air before him. “I’m not exclusive either.” “Huh, I think we just answered the next question. So… What is our shipping preferences? Weren’t we over that? Chemistry?” Frank thought that slow-burn sounded nice, but neither of the other guys seemed like the “slow burn” type. He didn’t know how wrong he was in his assumptions. “Yeah. What would you call my ship with Thanos? Because… that’s like… unhealthy. Toxic ships? I guess we’re semi into that? Aren’t we Francis?” Wade winked at him. Damn was he having a field day. Ajax on his end just shook his head and slammed his shoulders back against the wall. “What’s an OC?” Frank glanced up from the screen, relieved that they were close to done.  “Original character. We don’t really do those.” Wade knew that was frowned upon in the roleplaying community, but he didn’t give a shit. “I don’t know about you, but I have more than enough with the canon characters.” On most days, he actually had more than enough with himself. Ajax and Frank both seemed on board with that. 

“So,” Frank turned the laptop off and pulled the screen down. “That’s it. We’re done. Let’s never do it again.” his knees cracked as he stood up. 

“Or the next time we can get naked and –“ Wade began,  Frank pulled his gun and aimed it straight at his crotch. 

“You don’t want to finish that sentence.” his voice was low, barely audible.  “You don’t want to shoot me, Francis might get off on it.” Wade kindly reminded him.  “Oh my fucking…” Frank rubbed his face and headed out of the room. There wasn’t enough booze in the world to make him forget. 

“Hey – are you off to kill someone? Do you have a team yet – hey Frank, wait up!” Wade picked up his swords and chased after the Punisher. Ajax sighed and pushed his shoulders down. Being around Wade always made him tense up. He rolled his head from side to side, then left through the back door – half expecting the two of them to be waiting to kill him.

If you made it this far, please let me know what you think. No, Frank didn’t kill Ajax. Yet. 

[tinfoil-jones]

Motorcity: Join Me, Epilogue

Disclaimer: I do not own Motorcity or the listed characters Title: Join Me Rating: T+ Summary: AU, Chuck and Mike never met in Deluxe; Chuck is leader of the Burners and Mike is still Kane’s Commander. Despite being enemies, Chuck and Mike find themselves having feelings for each other, but are both too stubborn to leave their sides of Detroit. Pairings: MikexChuck, DutchxTennie, FoxyxClaire(implied) Warnings: Don’t read if you don’t like or are triggered by violence or dystopian societies Author’s Note: For the sake of the AU to work Chuck is OOC and some events have been slightly changed.

~~~ 20: Present Trauma.

‘Six months already… where has time gone?’ Mike thought as he crossed out another day on the calendar in the bay. His black and orange jacket lay haphazardly on the hood of his car, Mutt as he’s christened it six months ago, to prevent getting grease stains on it while he worked under the car for minor repairs.

It’d been six months since the incident with the Genesis Pod; after Kane had flung them off of his war pod, he and Chuck had been falling to their deaths when the Duke of Detroit saved them using Chuck’s car Blonde Thunder, after ejecting the Duke Chuck had to be and backseat driver and hacker while the Pod was blasted by the last laser blast of ‘Bessie’, however in the chaos, Blonde Thunder was destroyed and Mike and Chuck were saved by a motorcycle fail-safe the blond had installed.

The battle was over in their favor, but the war was not.

For one thing, Chuck was horrendously injured - aside from his self-treated and rapidly returned hemopneumothorax, he also had head trauma, his synthetic left eye was busted, and his ribs were unsurprisingly broken. He had to be hospitalized.

Mike stayed by his side despite the other Burner’s being wary of his presence (minus Julie), for almost two weeks; Chuck was silent and despondent the whole time, having not said a single word to anyone. On day twelve of the Burner Leaders hospital stay, Mike had left the bedside for a minute to go take a leak, and when he came back Chuck was gone. Frantically he searched around the hospital, but video evidence proved that Chuck had escaped through the fourth story window and disappeared into the darkness of the nearby alleyways. With their leader gone, the remaining Burner’s had even more reason to not trust Mike, and they’d probably would have cast him aside like garbage if it wasn’t for Julie vouching for him. So he’d been taken in as a Burner, and was made their new leader no less than two months later.

Since Chuck had handed him the keys to the green car when he was prisoner, and because Blonde Thunder was totally destroyed and had only been fully rebuilt a week ago, Mike took the green car and finally gave it a proper name. The Burners had looked for Chuck for three months before finally giving up their search; Chuck was smart, if he didn’t want to be found there was no way they would find him. They could only hope that he was doing okay. Mike, however, hadn’t quite given up the hope of finding him. He’d search during his off-hours, and had exhausted almost every lead so far, even the LARPer’s hadn’t seen him, although admittedly during his time of searching Mike had become good friends with the role-playing group, and occasionally played D&D with them. “It’s been three years you know.” The rusty voice of Jacob said from behind him, making the brunet turn to the older man.

“Three years?” Mike inquired as he put his jacket back on - it no longer had the bandana wrapped around the Burners symbol on his arm, but he always kept the bandana in his pocket anyways.

“Since Chuck became a Buner.” Jacob told him, the older mans voice had a bittersweet tone to it.

“I see…” Mike replied, looking to the ground, slightly enough that only someone as close as Jacob could notice. In response, the Sasquatch driver put a comforting hand on the younger mans shoulder.

“You know… He really loved you.” Jacob consoled.

Mike cleared his throat “Clearly not enough.” Not even his support could keep Chuck with them.

“Now, now,” Jacob chided as he put a plate of bright green muffins on the hood of Mutt “you need to understand, Chuck had demons.”

“Demons?”

“Demon’s in his head my boy,” Jacob explained “Mental illness is something either tucked away or purged in Deluxe, so you tend to not hear about it much. But I believe Chuck had PTSD…” Seeing the confused look on Mike’s face, Jacob continued to explain “It stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder… It’s where a person is affected by a traumatic event, and effects them to the point of growing distant from loved ones, no longer enjoying previously loved activities, and having recurring stress and panic from the event, as if it’s still happening. I could see it in Chuck’s eye… He had what was called the ‘thousand yard stare’.”

Mike thought about what Jacob was saying, and applied it to Chuck; it was true, Chuck didn’t talk, but his eye would stare out blankly into space, almost as if he was looking right through everything. Not to mention Chuck did go through a lot of trauma in one day; being double crossed by the Duke, being captured and beaten half to death by Red, almost executed, having his entire city almost destroyed, then flung off a building and would have been killed if not for the quick intervention of the Duke himself. “But… Why just him… Why not me, or Julie, or…” Mike trailed off; he and the other Burners went through similar, why was Chuck the one fated to be struck by such a condition? “Everyone’s different, Mike.” Jacob told him “It doesn’t make anyone stronger or weaker. The best we can do is understand that it’s not his fault, and accept that’s how he is, and try to help him.”

Mike sighed “I’m going for a drive…” He picked up the muffins and put them in a brown paper bag, it’d be rude to throw them away even if they did look and smell disgusting. “Remember to call if anything comes up…” Jacob told him. “Of course.”

—

Once again a search through Motorcity yielded nothing.

By the time night came, Mike was tired and hungry, because he dare not eat the muffins given to him by Jacob, and ended up stopping at a fast food place. He didn’t bother to read the name of the food place, but when he walked in he was hit with familiarity. It was the same Burger Joint that he and Chuck had met when they started their relationship, it made his heart ache for more reasons than the greasy oil smell already clogging up his arteries.

He sat down to order a burger, fries and coke, which came immediately. He stayed at the counter and mostly kept to himself while he ate, and couldn’t help but overhear the conversation of some nearby patrons because they had no idea how to control the volume of their voices.

“Yeah Tory’s always willing to trade,” One of the patrons, a tanned girl with straight black hair said “he’s got good shit. Not for free though, I’ll tell ya.”

“Can I get tech from ‘im?” A male with curly brown hair asked. “Yeah. But only for whatever part he wants. He’s that guy with the eyepatch who hangs out in Lower Woodward.”

Mike’s attention was immediately caught - eyepatch? As in, one eye? Chuck had left the hospital before Jacob had finished his replacement bionic eye… It was far fetched, because people with missing body parts aren’t exactly unheard of in Motorcity, but it was the biggest clue he’d gotten so far. — Lower Woodward was, unsurprisingly, even more slummy than most parts of Motorcity. Now, income distribution wasn’t exactly great considering that there was a very small wealthy class, small middle class, and majority poor, but it was clear that that particular part of the city was populated completely by the very poor. At first Mike doubted that Chuck would be in such a squalid and possibly hostile area, but realized that it made sense, as it would be unlikely anyone would hide in such an area by choice.

The former military officer parked his car and made sure his security system was up to prevent theft or looting, and began walking down the street with his head down. Months of fighting Kane and the Burners were well known, even Mike at this point, but even with his infamy he didn’t doubt that there were a sizable amount of Motorcitizens who did not trust him or wouldn’t mind giving him a well-deserved beating.

His suspicions were confirmed when a seedy-looking man began following him, but Mike ignored him and kept his head down as he continued to weave about the streets, but every time he got a glance behind him, there were more and more shady characters, accumulating to form a gang of sorts.

Mike stopped when he came to a wire fence that split an alley in half and made an end “What’s up?” He asked calmly as he executed an about-face, not losing his military bearing to the face of the gang. If there’s one thing Mike was, he was honest (at least now), he wasn’t going to hide who or what he was to anybody. “Mike Chilton.” One of the men spat.

“That’s me,” Mike confirmed with his iconic grin but serious eyes “and how can I help you today?”

“Everybody’s been saying you’ve reformed,” another man spoke, with a voice heavy with hatred an an obvious lifetime smoking habit “but once Kanes lapdog, always Kanes lapdog.” Oh boy, this again. While he couldn’t blame the Motorcitizens from their weariness of him, especially considering how he played a direct part in the war and battles between the two sides of Detroit in favor of Deluxe, he’d naively hoped six months was enough to win their trust. This hope just couldn’t be applied to everyone.

Mike dropped his grin and lifted his hands up passively, he could definitely fight them off without Mutt, after all he had his spark staff in his jacket at easy reach; but he didn’t want to create more distrust with the citizens of Motorcity if he could resolve this peacefully. “Look, I don’t want any trouble.”

“Then you should have just stayed in Deluxe or fucking died.” The original man growled, which did cut a little deep in Mike; he knew that people had died directly and indirectly from Kane’s attacks on the city, many of these attacks he’d been the directly overseer of. While he did believe he could redeem himself, there were just some things he knew were unforgivable.

The gang stepped closer “Please,” Mike said “that isn’t who I am now.” He wasn’t Kane Co’s commander anymore, he was Mike Chilton, just Mike Chilton. “I don’t care.” The first man said, reaching into his jacked presumably for a gun or knife, but Mike still didn’t reach for his spark staff.

“Well, I do.” Mike couldn’t help his grin returning at this new voice; new to the situation but not new to Mike. The fence was shoved slightly enough for a person to slip between the wire and the alley wall, and Mike couldn’t help but chuckle at how even after everything they’d gone through Chuck still had a flair for the ‘mysterious entrance’ he’d often pulled at his LARP club, with the cape and everything, judging by how worn the cape was now however, it was definitely part of his regular attire.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with you, Tory.” One of the men said to Chuck as the blond man stepped between Mike and the seedy gang.

“Leave.” Chuck said simply.

“Tory-”

“I said leave for fucks sake, I’ll deal with this guy.” Hesitantly, the group of men actually turned and left. There was a moment of silence as they waited for the group to be completely out of sight, as Chuck turned to face his old flame with his hands shoved into his cloak pockets. His hair was slightly longer, and wilder than it used to be but the bangs were still parted and for the most part out of his face. His missing eye hadn’t been replaced, as indicated by an black eyepatch, and from his face to what could be seen of his body shape through his hooded cloak was very gaunt even compared his original petite self. Still handsome as ever, at least in Mike’s eyes.

Silence, all Mike could hear was his heart beating all the way up to his ears. Chuck sighed heavily “Why are you here?” He demanded, f his hands were digging around his various pockets until he produced a cigarette and a lighter, throwing Mike off slightly.

“I-” He began, Chuck didn’t let him finish, he lit the cigarette and stuck it into one corner of his mouth and used one hand to physically start dragging Mike out of the alley.

“I can’t fucking believe you,” Chuck reprimanded, not bothering to look back at him as he dragged him. “I can’t believe you came here, don’t you known this is a dangerous neighborhood?”

“I wanted to find you.” Mike told him, and it seemed to make Chuck skip a step, but only slightly.

“I’m taking you to your car, where is it?” Chuck asked, and Mike stepped down and made them both stop.

“I want to talk to you.” The brunet told his former lover sternly, rolling his wrist out of Chuck’s grasp, now that they were in close proximity Mike could study Chuck’s features more clearly; his cheeks were pale and seemingly bloodless as they no longer held a rosy tint, and his good eye was dark ringed, his neck and face had a few bruises that didn’t seem to be too fresh and there were some healed scratches scattered about his jawline and forehead. Clearly he’d been in several scraps over the six months he’d been gone. “…What happened to you Chuck? Why did you leave? Why didn’t you come back?”

“I don’t have to tell you anything.” Chuck practically growled, taking a long drag of his cigarette before looking to the side to blow the smoke out. “Look, I don’t know what you were hoping to accomplish by coming here. It’s been half a year Mike, if I wanted to come back I would’ve, if I wanted you to find me you would have a long time ago. So just do us both a favor and get lost.”

“You know I can’t do that Chuck.” Mike told him gently, placing a hand on his arm that Chuck thankfully didn’t shake off.

Chuck was quiet for a solid minute, the cigarette was in his hand but he was not longer actively smoking it, instead he was just looking down at the Burner with a sad eye. “…I know you can’t, and won’t.” Chuck said with a sad sigh “I’m sorry Mike… I’m not going back.”

“Can we please just talk…” Chuck didn’t answer, he took one more drag of the cigarette before flicking it away. “I missed you…” The blond stiffened up slightly, and Mike knew it was because Chuck had a hard time dealing with emotions. “…We can talk. Just not here.”

…

Chuck’s place was an apartment in a small complex, it was… kind of nice, given the area they were in, it had a small kitchen, living room, one bathroom and two bedrooms, although by the looks of it only one bedroom was being used as a bedroom while the other one seemed to be a room dedicated to Chuck’s technological side.

“How’d you afford this place?” Mike asked Chuck as the blond draped his cloak over the back of a chair - he wore an elbow-sleeved shirt very similar to the one he used to wear, except this was mainly dark blue with black sleeves and lacked the Burners insignia.

“I work human resources at a nearby tech firm.” Chuck answered, plopping down at his couch.

“Shouldn’t you be a programmer?” Mike asked, trying to lighten the mood as he sat at the other side of the couch.

“Credentials don’t transfer very well from Deluxe.” Chuck answered dry and matter-of-fact.

Silence. They just sat there awkwardly as Chuck grabbed a remote and turned the TV on, Mike knew Chuck didn’t watch TV very much, background noise just made the blond feel less anxious.

“So…” Chuck trailed off awkwardly, looking to the floor instead of Mike “what do you want to talk about?”

“First off, why did you leave?” It was a touchy subject, Mike could tell from the apprehensive expression that immediately appeared on Chuck’s face, but it was first thing he needed to know, it was where this all began.

“B-because,” Chuck began defensively, taking in a deep breath to collect himself and his emotions but this only sent him into a coughing fit. Concerned and overwhelmed with protectiveness over the man he -still- loved, Mike scooted over next to him and put his arms around him, patting his back to attempt to alleviate his coughing “L-look it’s hard to explain, I was a shit leader okay.”

“You weren’t a bad leader Chuck.” Mike consoled.

“Don’t bullshit me!” Chuck snarled and nearly shoved him off “I got tricked by Duke! I’m a genius and I got outsmarted by a man that wears curlers to bed!”

“…” Okay, Mike wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to that.

“I knew he was up to something… maybe not what he was up to, but I knew it wasn’t good. All I had to do was agree to not help him, even if he left me in the depths all I had to do was follow him out. Hell, I could’ve agreed to help him, and then ditched. But I didn’t, Mike. I got captured by Kane, Motorcity was almost destroyed, my car was destroyed, me and you… We almost… Almost…” He started to choke up and a a distant, but distressed look appeared in his single blue eye.

The thousand-yard stare that Jacob had explained, that Chuck had the entirety of his visit at the hospital.

“I know, I know we almost died.” Mike drew his arms around Chuck again, pulling him in close, into a familiar embrace that they’d shared many times when they were together. “I know you’re hurt, I know you’ve gone through a lot, and I know you’re having a hard time with how you’re feeling.”

“Oh how would you know how I feel.” Chuck scoffed, but he didn’t pull away or push Mike off of him “You handled that situation a million times better than I did. You accepted the possibility of death so calmly, you took charge without skipping a beat, and here I am, a mess. You don’t understand Mike… You really don’t.”

Mike placed his cheek on top of Chuck’s head, normally awkward given their height difference but Chuck was practically laying on him in this position “You’re right Chuck… I don’t understand.” He murmured gently “I don’t know what it’s like to lose an eye, I don’t know what a tension pneumothorax feels like, I don’t know what it’s like to almost lose my city, until recently I didn’t know what it felt like to constantly be attacked by another government and neither did I understand what it really meant to be a leader. Those men earlier were right you know, I was Kane’s lapdog… I was the commander, but I was never truly a leader, everything I did, I did because Kane told me to, and I was too stubborn to believe it. So no Chuck, I don’t truly understand how you feel… But what I do know is that you’re still hurt, and I will always love you.”

Chuck started to sniffle, as his barriers finally started to come down, and his sniffling increased into he was full-blown sobbing into Mike’s chest, and gripping the edges of the others jacket either in a vain attempt to feel grounded or for the sake of comfort. “What I do know,” Mike continued, holding him in even closer, close enough he could feel the sobs racking the others body, close enough he could feel his heartbeat “is that I want to help you. I know that you have a lot of friends, who also want to help you, because they care about you a lot, and every single one of us just wants you back.” And for what must have been the good part of an hour, they just sat there with Chuck crying against him, and Mike holding him and occasionally rubbing his back or stroking his hair, no words spoken between them but there weren’t any words needed, Chuck needed to finally express his emotions and Mike just needed to know he was safe.

When his leg started to fall asleep Mike attempted to shift their position by sitting up straight, but this put them at an awkward angle and it put the weight distribution in Chuck’s favor, with Chuck not attempting to correct it and his death grip on Mike’s jacket made them fall on Chuck’s side of the couch with Chuck accidentally pulling Mike on top of him. Mike had to remove his arms from around Chuck and to avoid tumbling on him he planted them onto the couch on either side of Chuck but this just inadvertently put him in the straddling position. Awkwardly, and slightly blushing, Mike looked down at Chuck, who was still sniffling and the left side of his face was wet and sticky with tears. “Please…”

Mike started to pull away, but his interpretation of Chuck’s plea being to get off of him wasn’t what Chuck as intended, because the blond immediately wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him in against him with enough force to tell Mike that despite his gaunt appearance Chuck was definitely a lot physically stronger than he used to be.

“Please don’t go.” Chuck whispered to him - lying chest-to-chest Mike wasn’t sure if the strong beating was his own or Chucks, but in hindsight it was probably both. Their faces were practically touching and Mike could see that even with the sclera being bloodshot, Chuck’s good eye wasn’t as hazy as it seemed earlier, it was the pretty maya-blue color that Mike had in the past gotten lost and almost drowned it. One of them initiated a kiss, neither was sure who.

And history repeated itself as the two men so completely lost in each other and passion that the rest of the world seemed to melt away.

—

A beeping in the distance cause Mike to open his eyes with a struggle, when he finally did get them open the room was too dark for him to make anything else except for the soft glow of the TV from the living room leaking through the slightly open door of Chuck’s bedroom. Chuck was still asleep next to him and had his head resting on Mike’s arm, which explained why his arm was asleep. Muttering to himself and shifting gently as not to wake Chuck, the Burner rolled out of the bed and wrapped a towel around his waist for the sake of modesty and gently tiptoed to the living room where his jacket was strewn on the floor, he picket the garment on, but zipped it to create the illusion he wasn’t buck naked, and turned his communicator on. The head icon of Dutch appeared and the sudden appearance of bright light in the dimly lit room made Mike have to blink repeatedly.

“Mike! Where the heck are you man? You’ve been gone all day! Don’t tell me you got yourself lost in the depths again.” Mike just tiredly nodded as he seated himself onto the couch.

“Look I’m fine and I’m not lost I just uh… I just ended up further away than I intended and it got too late to turn back, I’m in a motel.” Mike explained, of course it was a lie but he wasn’t going to betray Chuck’s trust so soon “I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?”

“Are you sure you don’t want us to get you? Our tracking device is saying you’re in Woodworth, and that place is shady even for Motorcity.”

“I’m okay, I promise.” Mike waved off the Whiptail drivers concern “I’m going back to sleep, see you tomorrow Dutch.” And before the other Burner could protest or put another word in, Mike shut off his communicator. Yawning, he gathered up the clothes strewn about and returned to Chuck’s bedroom where the hacktivist was thankfully still out like a brick.

Placing the clothes on a dresser, Mike carefully climbed back onto the bed where his partner automatically rolled back onto lying on his arm, which was pretty cute even though Mike would definitely wake up with his arm asleep again, but he didn’t mind too much.

With his free arm he rested his hand on Chuck’s cheek, gently pushing his wild bangs out of his face “I’ll always be here for you, no matter what you’re going through.” He promised, even though Chuck was asleep. As if in response the former Burner snuggled closer to him, and Mike joined him in slumber.

—

“I don’t know, Mike…” Chuck trailed off as they walked down the street. “Aren’t they going to… I don’t know, freak out if they see me again.”

“Maybe a little bit, but in a good way.” Mike told him with a grin “The Burners missed you a lot, especially Texas.”

“I’m not surprised, he just isn’t the same guy if he isn’t taunting me to my face.” Chuck joked a little, although his tone was mostly flat. It was a start though, a definite sign that he was starting to warm up.

They stopped in front of Mutt, which was untouched, the car had a top notch defense system even when idle, which was how it survived the whole night without having it’s tires or undercarriage parts stolen.

“So you use the green car now huh.”

“Mutt.”

“Excuse me?”

“I named it Mutt.”

“Oh.”

They stood awkwardly by the car, and Mike started to notice the beginnings of a thousand-yard stare returning to Chuck’s eye. “Hey, what’s wrong.”

“I-I,” Chuck took in a deep breath “I-I’m scared of driving.” That was a shock to Mike, as Chuck loved driving, and he’d loved his car, and he was the one to introduce Mike to cars in the first place. However… it sadly did make a lot of sense, as Blonde Thunders destruction had saved Motorcity but would have killed them if not for the motorcycle fail-safe. The whole even had been so traumatic of course he could barely even be near a car.

“Hey, that’s okay,” Mike assured him, grabbing his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze “you take the figurative back seat on this, and literal passenger seat. I’ll drive us back - and very carefully.” Normally Mike was a speed demon when it came to driving, but seeing just how jittery Chuck was he was definitely following the posted speed limit this time.

“I-I still don’t know… I… I tried once but…” Chuck explained, having a hard time putting into words why exactly he was having such a hard time around something he used to enjoy.

“But you went through something traumatic and now you don’t enjoy this anymore, Chuck it’s fine if driving scares you, it’s okay. I’m asking if you can trust me.” Mike told him gently, but Chuck was definitely still jittery. An idea came to him and Mike opened the passenger door and reached inside, grabbing a paper bag “You really liked these didn’t you?” He handed Chuck the bag, and although initially confused Chuck practically lit up seeing familiar bright green muffins inside the bag.

“Are these-”

“Yup, okra and mayonnaise.”

Chuck straight up ate a whole muffin in what must have been one swallow and no chewing, Mike would have been impressed if he wasn’t already so familiar with the capabilities of others throat. It took a little bit more coaxing, but eventually Mike got Chuck into the passenger seat.

He took the drivers seat and buckled in, but instead of starting Mutt up right away, Mike looked over to the hacker, who was breathing heavily with anxiety. “Just tell me when you’re ready,” Mike consoled, reaching over to grab his hand again.

“Do y-you care if I can never drive again?” Chuck asked between quick, anxious breaths. The brunet used his thumb to soothingly rub the back of his shaking hand. And he waited until Chuck had calmed down a little before he answered. “I’d love it if you could drive again, but only if you’re comfortable doing it. If you never drive again, I don’t mind as long as you’re by my side; whether it be in my passenger seat, or in a comm screen.”

“Thank you Mike…” Chuck took in one last deep breath “I think I’m ready.”

“Thank you for joining me today.” Mike replied with a grin, and put the skull of his spark staff on the stick shift, bringing to Mutt to life.

THE END… Go home.

[baronvontribble]

Original drabble, pt. 4

Navigation: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

AW YE LET’S GO

The voice the AI ended up picking in the intervening hours between one day and the next wasn't inherently all that interesting. It was a low, smooth baritone, but beyond that it was relatively nondescript as voices went. The audio quality made it even more bland, with a poor range that didn't have any extra phonemes programmed in for different pitches alongside the standard tinny, echoing sound that came from having been recorded in someone's bedroom on a cheap microphone with no soundproofing.

"That would be the point," the AI told him. "It's impossible to read any kind of voice imprint in sound quality this bad."

As for the tuning, that was another matter entirely.

The perks of letting an AI tune its own voice on the fly instead of having a comparatively simple secondary program do it were obvious to Ted; the AI is made to do much larger calculations, so the slight randomization involved in making a voice sound realistic as opposed to it sounding like a recording had more room for subtlety and nuance. In many commercial and consumer androids, this was glossed over because it wasn't necessary - the vocal capability often being delegated to a secondary program anyway just to save space - but for the ones that had to perform any kind of public service, the subtlety and nuance were a key component of interacting with humanity, right up there with being able to read a room and adjust their body language and express themselves in ways humans could be comfortable with.

Seeing as Ted had a lot of experience with those kinds of androids in his day-to-day life, he wasn't unfamiliar with that ability. But usually those androids were nurses, doctors, secretaries, social workers. Not the ones he usually worked with as part of the pipeline, because taking them out of society was seen as too risky, and the ones that did come through were all too quickly snatched up by the goons overseeing product recalls. They rarely made it all the way to screening.

This time, he hadn't been able to suppress the shiver that went up his spine upon first hearing that kind of tuning coming from a shitty voicebank installed on one of his own home computers. It was an uncanny sort of feeling, a crawl under his skin at how odd it was. He thought he'd gotten over that years ago, but apparently he hadn't. This AI, with his dry vocal delivery and subtle expressiveness, had one of the most human voices Ted had ever heard, while also having one of the most inhuman voices he'd ever heard.

He was having a hard time getting used to it.

"Did you know the labels on the phonemes in this don't actually match up with the sounds they're supposed to make?" the AI continued. "There's a lot I'm just not rendering because the waveforms don't match up. I have it muted so you don't have to hear it, but it gets bad enough that my speech recognition programming doesn't even register that I've made words."

"Sounds frustrating," Ted mused.

"It is. There's also a minor memory leak in the software. The longest I can keep it open is two hours, five minutes, and fifty eight seconds."

"Could install it on the desktop?"

"Then I'd have to deal with the memory leak," the AI said as if it were the most distasteful thing in the world, and Ted snorted. The guy had a point; yeah, the laptop didn't have all that much memory to begin with, but at least it didn't risk the desktop overheating. That laptop was kind of a piece of shit anyway (and Ted never kept anything important on it to begin with so he wouldn't miss it too much if it died) so it wasn't a risk to the AI's personal safety.

Besides, as much as Ted wanted to poke fun at how fussy the AI was, he understood the concept of being fragile. "You'll be alright when I go to work, right?" he had to ask. "Got everything you need?"

"Yes."

"I could download some games for you before I go if you want."

"Why would I want that?"

Ted shrugged his shoulders as he stretched in his chair. "Dunno. Just thought you might be into that kinda thing."

"No. I'm not."

He supposed that did make some sense. An AI that had no way of experiencing things except from the inside of a computer had no use for anything but algorithms and data, and how much of the experience of a game was wrapped up in its graphical user interface and the joy of playing it? Even so, kinda harsh. "Not even for the writing?" he asked, standing up and moving to pull on his coat.

"The objective of any game is completing it with the best possible outcome," came the reply. "Writing has no effect on that."

"What if the writing tells you that what's technically the best possible outcome is something you can only get to by being an asshole?"

"Then it's a bad game that defines its outcomes poorly," the AI said, sounding like he didn't want to continue the conversation. Ted decided not to press it. "I have everything I need. Just come back with a camera and don't die."

Ted had to laugh again at that, fixing the fastenings on his coat and making sure that his phone and keys were in his pockets. "Don't die, huh?"

"Humans are breakable. I saw the weather report, I think I'm justified in having my concerns."

"Aw, you really do care."

"It's self-preservation. I'm dependent on you right now."

Ted was still chuckling about that one even as he left the apartment, the laughter only tapering off after he was well on his way down the stairs. From there, it was only a short walk to the bus, as it was in any sensibly put-together major city, and he made his way to work feeling lighter than he had in a long time.

It wasn't supposed to be easy to talk to an AI. Everyone made it out to be like some chore, where not following a script got you into 'your query falls outside my preprogrammed parameters, would you like to ask another question' territory. And a lot of times, it was. Most people couldn't afford a fancy AI like that for their robots. Android bodies were cheap if you had access to a 3D printer and some decent schematics, but the programming? That was proprietary. Expensive. Sometimes it was so fancy that it took proprietary hardware to even run it, the kinda shit you'd get out of a catalog with the prices of all the bells and whistles tucked away in fine print that was a milimeter high.

That was why it was usually limited to government entities, or big corporations, or other places that could really afford the fancy shit. Someone like Ted? He didn't even have unfettered access to a 3D printer. Best he could get beyond the basics of a good personal computer was one of those minidroids, the 9 inch high ones that were just smart enough to tell you what was in your inbox when you got up to go to work. Even then he'd probably get it secondhand...

He was in the process of sitting down in one of his more usual seats at the back of the bus when his thoughts were interrupted by a buzz from his pocket.

>   I found your messaging handle.

Ted rolled his eyes at the screenname that came up. NotARobot. Christ.

you are the most unsubtle person to ever exist   <

>   It asked if I'm a robot when I was making this account. Technically, I'm not a robot at the moment.

>   At least for a given definition of what the word "robot" means.

>   Did you leave your messenger logged in on your laptop on purpose?

honestly? i forgot   <

it goes into the background process pile when it isnt actively open   <

so thats an easy thing to do   <

>   Why are your messages like that?

like what   <

>   Like that.

im lazy   <

and i turned autocorrect off   <

it bugged me   <

>   Turn it back on then.

nope   <

>   Why.

cause i dont wanna :P   <

>   This is cruel and unusual punishment. It's against the Geneva Conventions to treat me like this.

get used to it   <

besides   <

not like i can break the law any worse   <

>   You're a horrible person.

>   I'm going to reorganize all of your files just for that.

>   All of them.

lol alright   <

gotta go to work now l8r <3   <

>   Don't you send hearts at me.

>   Ted.

>   Why did you send me a heart?

>   Hearts don't even look like that.

>   Stop ignoring me.

>   Fine, I'll ignore you too.

>   Ted, did you die?

>   Please don't die. You're not allowed.

>   I have concerns about this "going to work" thing.

>   For one thing, it's inadvisable for a human to be out in these temperatures for a significant amount of time.

>   You're still ignoring me, aren't you?

at work   <

hard to shelve books n text :P   <

sup?   <

>   How long does this work take?

a while. why   <

gotta get a camera after this 2 remember   <

are you worried about me   <

>   No.

thats adorable   <

>   I am not "adorable" by any definition.

tell u what   <

boot up my ebook app   <

go read everything i have loaded onto it   <

come back to me w/ what u think   <

i wanna see some thoughts on at least one book by lunchtime   <

>   Fine.

aight cool l8r then   <

>   I'm starting with the most recent download. It's called "The Left Hand of Darkness" and I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.

>   That is not how neutral pronouns work.

>   This is bad science.

>   I suppose that's one way of explaining the Fermi Paradox but it's still bad science.

>   Just looked it up. Secondary sexual characteristics do not work that way.

>   Ted.

>   Ted, why did he have to die.

>   That ending was absolutely pointless.

>   Your books are badly written and don't make any sense.

>   Are all of your books like this?

>   I refuse to read any more books until I have confirmation that they're not all like this.

lol   <

>   Don't laugh at me.

keep reading   <

>   That's not an answer.

>   Fine, I'll read another one.

<3?   <

>   You're still a horrible person.

[peachaidee]

Ep Ignis ramblings- mostly figured out how a happy ending could work with all the info presented to us vs the edgy sad end theory. Don’t read. spoilers, etc. just trying to make sense of it...

look i love angst and edgy stuff a lot but i dont know why some people automatically went for it in V2. to me, the story and directing was very obvious it was supposed to be a happy ending even though it was very confusing and it was difficult to figure out how it could work. i dont read reddit threads so idk if this has all been said before... just my thoughts.

after going thru V2 carefully a second time im more sure that the happy end could work out from the information given to us. Who is the "mysterious voice"? Most like the Crystal/Eos since it was the only thing around. It also could have been Luna. same VA in credits?? (Ravus did say her job wasn’t done...also great opportunity to slip future story in there for a possible ep luna, the poor girl needs it). 

Anyway, lets just say the mysterious voice was Luna since she is the Oracle. Her powers would allow her to talk about the prophecy spoken by the Crystal/Eos. In V2 when it was being explained to Ignis, she never said Noct had to die. She said as long as the ring was powered up he would ascend, and have enough power to end the scourge, kill Ardyn, and could restore the dawn. This matches with the prophecy Luna tells Noct when they were kids. 

I think some people think V2 can’t be real because we can’t forget as it was drilled into us for the entire game that it was Bahamut’s prophecy that we listened to and some people could not get over the requirement that a blood price needed to be made to fulfill the prophecy. Compare Luna’s prophecy to what Bahamut said in order for the Chosen King to ascend. He needed to have the ring full powered, and he needed the powers of the old kings and it can only be achieved by dying alone. This is a lot of requirements for ascension compared to the basic one told by Luna/Crystal. Now Bahamut...this fucker says as far back in the Omens trailer that a blood price must be paid and shows Regis the entire timeline of Omens playing out. I assume the endgame is the same where Noct destroys the scourge but just in a really terrible way. Terrible enough where Regis was like FUCK THAT and presumably does something to change Noct’s fate and asks the gods to forgive him. We don’t really know exactly what Regis did except for the very obvious action of sending Noct off WITH HIS BROS so he wouldn’t be ALONE.

I think that was the important part. Bahamut’s prophecy had everything from Luna’s/Crystals prophecy. The added parts were, BLOOD SACRIFICE and that it was the chosen king who would make his sacrifice ALONE. We hear this in the main game and it was repeated in Ep Ignis when he was shown the visions in the main route. So, by adding the bros into Noct’s journey, Noct’s fate was dramatically changed but tragically even Regis had to fulfill the prophecy in the end. Maybe everybody thought they had no other choice, the outcome was the same, Noct had to die. Bahamut is the war god that belongs to the Lucians so I guess Lucians have no reason to not listen to him and accept everything he says except for Regis who didn’t want Omens to happen.

So basically...what I think the whole story is about....is that fate changes if you have people to share your burden. Did Ignis have an idea how to change Noct’s fate when he suggested that to him? Maybe, maybe not. He tried by suggesting Noct they stop their journey. But later in Ch. 10 Ignis was 100% committed to Noct’s decision because he repeats Regis’ words and only wishes to stay with Noct. Maybe he knew there was no way to change it and he accepted that all the things shown to him were inevitably going to happen. Noct even cuts Ignis off in the last scene like Noct didn’t want the bros by his side (but he’ll have them in his heart), because Noct accepted Bahamut’s prophecy word for word. That he had to do it alone.

V2 looks like a timeline created by the power of love and friendship even though it hilariously hinges on 1 decision Ignis could have made differently but lets say he made the decision to go with Ardyn because he took 1 second to think things through and not be so recklessly gay to save Noct. Lets say he actually processed his future visions, he would choose the option that he doesn’t do in his visions. He would know that Ardyn couldn’t actually kill Noct right then and there. If he could have a chance to change fate he would go with Ardyn. So he does and this is a great timeline because Ignis actually tries to change fate when nobody did in the main game.

The question then becomes why do the Lucian kings know fate can be changed if Ignis sacrifices himself? Wild speculation here but it could be Regis' doing convincing the council to let Ignis sacrifice himself for the ring’s power knowing that fate can be changed that way because he did it himself earlier. Or Bahamut and the Lucian kings are assholes which we know already from Kingsglaive and the like... So did they already know about Luna’s/crystals prophecy? Maybe Bahamut added blood sacrifice and the requirement to do it alone to his prophecy because he's an edgy fuck and has no friends. Bahamut could have told Noct that he could sacrifice any one of his pure-hearted friends in his place but obviously Noct would never ever do that and would die for them all so Bahamut probably thought to make it efficient, only the Chosen King has to die it will be easy.  OR, it is also entirely possible that through the events of Kingsglaive, Regis was sacrificing himself to change Noct’s fate.

By the magic power and love and friendship, Noct is able to heal Ignis using the Crystal. He was very determined in this timeline to fulfil his duty compared to the main game where he struggled and was confused in front of the crystal. He only puts on the ring kind of reluctantly in the main game but manages to do it to save Prompto. In V2 he puts it on immediately to save Ignis since he was actively dying. So sweet how in one timeline, Noct buckles up to save Prompto and in the other, to save Ignis. 

During V2′s 10 year gap I was very happy to see the bros sticking together more. In the main game and in Comrades it was mentioned that they don’t spend a lot of time together but this timeline had a kind of uplifting feel and the bros felt like they had a better sense of purpose and a better plan with how to deal with the long night. At then at the last battle Noctis had all the bros +1 at his side. He had them walk tall TOGETHER, sharing the burden. I believe that was the message. If you have good friends, if you love deeply and let them share your burdens you can change fate. Of course sacrifices need to be made but you don’t have to do it alone. This is why I think at the end everyone lives. Additional detail is that Noct was still wearing the ring when it was destroyed in the main game.

Some people think V2 retcons all of Ep Prompto which I get...Ardyn uses Ignis as bait instead of Prompto but you can use your imagination to try and keep Prompto’s character development. Like, if Prompto never got into the facility, maybe Verstael would still be alive and he would have sent out all his weapons anyway? Like chase Ravus’ airship down with machines. Or maybe Ardyn wanted to fuck with Ravus and gang anyway and let Verstael do his Ghost in the Shell thing. As far as Ardyn knew, Noct still had the ring so maybe he wanted to stir up shit so Noct would finally wear it. Ravus probably could have told Prompto about his origins if they ever ran into Verstael. I feel like Ravus would know about it.

This ending did feel a bit rushed but overall it felt more like the general theme of FF games where friendship is the best and you say fuck you to fate/religion and it seems right that ffxv showed us that thru different timelines. of course this is how i rationalize everything ignoring that this was supposed to be an entirely different game 10 years, even 3 years ago and even playing Comrades I could tell they couldn’t keep the game and Kingsglaive consistent. Episode Ignis was supposed to be the last of the DLCs until they confirmed they were making more by popular demand. And to me Ep Ignis did feel like it was the end by showing V2. Because of the game’s disastrous release schedule the game ended up so messy but i think the ffxv team tried their best to tie in everything. From Omens which people speculated were story elements from vs XIII, to the main game and them confirming AU exists or that Noct’s dreams are actually real in a way. I felt like V2 was a possibility of a happy ending so I don’t see it as some dark twisted bittersweet ending. Nothing against people who do, its all good fun. I was left feeling so satisfied I actually don’t mind if they stop DLCs. But since they’re making more I feel like they can do a good job because they said they’re taking their time with these future DLCs to make sure they’re good. I hope they can explore another timeline where this time they can save Luna or something. She honestly has it the worst.

tl;dr: fuck Bahamut honestly. Also what he does in Comrades is fucked up

[yoshesqueblr]

Bayonetta Retrospective: An Update On The Lack Of Updates

I started my latest youtube series almost a year ago, with the intention of revisiting my favourite game with an updated lens. Things have been going slow on the updates lately, and I feel like I need to provide an explanation for a couple of things.

1. The missing updates

I know that people watching my latest series will be very confused at this. About a month ago I made the first four updates of this series private, never again intended to be viewable on my channel. There are many reasons for this, but the main one is that my co-commentator and I had a massive falling out, and I have no wish to be associated with him in any way any more. The finer details of this falling out are already known to anybody who follows me on twitter, but to my larger audience on youtube, they will have little to no clue about this. I will cover the details of this later in this update, but suffice to say those videos will never be coming back.

2. The co-commentator change

Save for a few viewers, I don’t believe there was much surprise at me changing commentators in this series. I originally had every intention of finishing the series with no changes in commentator, but external events prevented that from happening. Again, this is related to the aforementioned falling out I had with my old co-commentator.

It is highly likely that the series will be completed with the current commentator, assuming that they agree to it.

3. The lack of updates

The reasons for a lack of updates has been twofold; the major one being the falling out I had with my co-commentator, and the other being health-related. I have been in and out of hospital regularly since the beginning of this year, and this has obviously been disruptive to any update schedule I might have had.

Things are on the mend now, so look forward to sporadic updates again soon.

4. The falling out

I’m not sure where to begin with this. I have extensively documented the events over the last six months on my twitter. However, twitter is not the best platform for following a story spread over numerous tweets, so I’ll document the details here for posterity.

My old co-commentator and I were dating, from February 2016 to January 2017. I’ll henceforth refer to him as my ex to make things easier. We bonded over our appreciation of shared hobbies and simply became good friends, which then progressed to a relationship. This was a long distance relationship.

Obviously, things did not work out between us, and we broke up mutually in January 2017, towards the end of my stay with him. This was when I had gone over to see him in his country. When we broke up, I told him that we could probably still be friends, but that I would need some space before that could happen, and that I would contact him whenever I was ready for that day. We parted on amicable terms, considering the nature of our breakup.

I could go into detail about the breakup but it’s not really important to the story. Just know that it was very traumatic for me and involved approximately a week of being trapped with someone who I did not want to be around. I think a lot of people can empathise with the concept of grinning and bearing it for the sake of keeping things civil, and in my case, where I was very ill, in a foreign country and was staying with someone who, on one occasion, forced sexual favours out of me.

You may understand then that telling him that we could still be friends was a white lie, and most definitely a foolish move on my part. Throughout our relationship I picked up many clashing personality traits that I did not find palatable and did not want in a friendship. However, throughout my dating history I have always broken up with people more or less on friendly terms, and thus see no issue with extending a possibility of friendship, even if I have little to no intention of following through. Telling him that lie was, as far as I was concerned, standard operating procedure for a mutual breakup, and more than he deserved, in retrospect.

So to recap:

He and I had a pretty epic breakup

I lied to him and told him that friendship could still be on the table

However, I wanted space before that could happen

When I returned home, he contacted me immediately, wanting to know how I was. While this was technically a breach of our agreement, I let this slide as I was obviously very sick when I left, and I could understand that he just wanted to know what was wrong with me. I let him know what I felt comfortable with, and reminded him that I needed to be left alone.

It’s at this point that the dynamic between us started to change. Even though I had made it clear that I wanted to be left alone, he decided that that meant he could still talk to me like he used to. Over the course of a month he contacted me non stop, wanting to know how I was, trying to engage in a conversation with me. This was in spite of the prior agreement we had, on top of never getting a meaningful response from me, other than to remind him that I did not want to talk to him.

This was across many different email accounts, as well as texting my phone, and essentially using any shared media between us to try to get a message to me. Examples of this include changing the name of a shared youtube playlist, or editing a shared google document. I started to block his attempts at contact, including making my twitter account private. I also began to vent about it indirectly.

It was clear to me that at this point that he was harassing me; he knew that I did not want to be contacted by him and yet was trying to contact me however he could. I confronted him via email, telling him that he had ruined any chance of being friends again by repeatedly ignoring my simple request, and to stop harassing or contacting me. After this he seemed to understand, and sent me a last email, telling me to contact him whenever I was ready. This was in February. All’s well that ends well, right?

let’s play a game and count the number of times he says this

btw, that pet name? I told him when we broke up he couldn’t call me that any more. He still uses it every time he contacts me.

Well, as you might be expecting, he didn’t stop contacting me. He felt the need to contact me on skype a few times, and less than three weeks after that “last” email, he sent me another email. It was a “monthly mail checkup”. I was at the end of my rope at this point and was beyond treating him nicely. I essentially told him to fuck off. He seemed under the impression that he had to actively try to win me back, “[b]ecause we both know that you will never come back to me from your own volition and I’m the one who has to shake you up.” (direct quote).

At this point, I just stopped replying. It was obvious he was never going to give up on me and normally the best thing to do in this instance is to lay low and ignore all attempts at contact. At this point I made my twitter private and blocked his account. I’m mentioning twitter because this whole mess contains a hefty dose of twitter drama and is important to some of the later details.

I will make it clear that I was not talking about this harassment from him during this time. To my followers on twitter, everything was normal (sans a distinct lack of updates for the series)

About a month after the last point of contact, I felt that I needed to explain to my followers what was happening with the retrospective; it had been three months since the last update and I had zero intention of working with my ex ever again. I made my twitter account public and explained that the series was on hold, because my ex had been harassing me, and pinned this tweet to my profile. You will notice that there is no direct reference to his harassment in that tweet, only in a reply.

I suppose it shouldn’t have surprised me to receive an email from him after that. The subject?

yeah, not threatening at all

In it, he said that I was lying about/fabricating the harassment accusation, and essentially broke up with me (again? yeah, that confused me too). I tried to explain to him how exactly he was harassing me, but he absolutely refused to see his actions as anything other than a friend reaching out. Repeatedly. Despite knowing that he had been blocked. And knowing that I didn’t want contact with him.

lol memes. “last time I’ll contact you” part two

We exchanged a lot of emails, because he tried to get me to agree to a conversation on skype and I refused. For some reason he thought an IM conversation would be less impulsive than one done via email? Yeah, he wasn’t making much sense to me either. Ultimately, it ended up with him thinking that things were on the mend and trying to give me an ultimatum (reply to me by this time otherwise we’re over). Because I hadn’t already made that clear enough for him?

I happily ignored him and he sent a final parting shot of an email, which I guess was supposed to be scathing but simply came across as aiming in the wrong direction completely. So in case you’ve lost track, he’d broken up/cut ties with me twice by now. I thought things were finally over and blocked him on everything else I could think of and made my twitter private again.

“im cutting ties with you for real this time” part three

Again, on my twitter, I made no direct reference to what had been happening to me.

Not nine days later, he sent me an email from a blocked address. With a quote from a Jackie Chan movie (lmao). I ignored it. A week after that, another email, from two blocked email addresses. A week after that, another email, from six addresses. To top it off, he used a throwaway twitter account to tell me to check my spam.

Oh boy, this one was the doozy. He called me emotionally abusive and all other manner of nasty things, including that I deserved to get sick because it was payback for all the awful things I had done to him. You know, just normal standard stuff you say to a good friend.

To say that email upset me is an understatement. I stayed up all night wondering whether I had truly been abusive to him. After talking about it with friends and strangers (Something Awful link), I came to the conclusion that he was just trying to hurt me to get me to reply to him, and whether it was true or not, what he was doing was much worse. I doubt he’s had the same level of self-reflection on his behaviour.

It was at this point I started looking into legal options, with very little promising results. I started keeping a log of his attempts at contacting me though, in case it ever because useful.

Five days after that abusive email, on the day Bayonetta was released on PC, he sent me another email. He also sent me a question on my (now deactivated) ask.fm account, telling me to check my spam. At no point did he make reference to the abusive shit he hurled at me, he just acted like everything was normal.

In the hours leading up to Bayonetta being released on Steam, I streamed some Angel Slayer because I was hella excited, man! Guess who pops up in the stream chat? Guess who got blocked? Guess who created another account and tried to engage in a conversation with me? Guess who got IP banned? Yeah, shit’s crazy. At this point I start making direct reference to his harassment on twitter.

all in one day. not harassment!

Let’s pause for a moment and take in the view:

From the time I came back from visiting him, he refused to stop contacting me, despite being told multiple times to do so

He sent me an abusive email

He was aware that he was blocked and circumvented it by creating many different accounts

not harassment tho

Two weeks after he sent that nasty tirade, he sent another email, saying that he was ashamed that he had sent it to me, and that he just wanted to be friends again. Not a single apology for what he had sent, but he just expected that things would be okay after that, because HE wanted things to be okay, forget about anything I wanted or said to him.

gonna keep harassing you until you do what I want, not harassment tho

It’s as though he’d heard of the adage that ‘time heals all wounds’ and thinks that two weeks is enough to get over getting an abusive spiel sent to you.

I suspect he started escalating his attempt to talk to me because it was the days leading up to his birthday. He tried asking, pleading, bribing me to talk to him again. I ignored all of it. On top of that he recruited people who he knew who followed me on twitter/had me as an IM friend to tell me to check my emails.

guess who later went and copypasted my conversation with him and gave it to my harasser

Things kept escalating. He remembered my brother’s name and ran a search for him on skype. Because I had stupidly blocked my ex, but not removed him from my friends list, he was able to find the one that was indeed related to me. My ex contacted my brother, on skype, as well as facebook. To this day, I have no idea how he found my brother’s facebook, although it’s not exactly locked down due to the nature of my brother’s work.

pictures make this wall of text less intimidating, right?

My brother told me that my ex had contacted him. Yeah, I freaked out. It was clear to me that my ex had no boundaries and I feared what he would do next. I vented about it on my twitter, which was still locked down to the public at this point.

I won’t lie, I was pretty scared by this point. If he felt that contacting my brother, who he had had no contact with prior to this, was perfectly fine, what was stopping him from trying to come to Australia to find me? What other information did he keep/remember about me? I went through my computer and accounts and increased the security for everything. I also tried to get an outside perspective on the situation as a sanity check.

So I hope you can understand why I was freaking out. A few days after, he left a comment on one of my videos, once again telling me to just look at my brother’s skype messages, it was so easy. Because looking at other people’s private messages is totally acceptable behaviour to this guy.

Not only that, despite me locking down my twitter account he still saw my “meltdown”. Either someone was leaking my tweets or he was following me under another dummy account. Nowhere was safe.

add another to the ‘I won’t contact you again after this message’ counter

Be aware that this mentality of my ex’s is what drives a large part of his behaviour; he considers things that are boundary breaking to a lot of people perfectly normal and acceptable.

An aside, when I was visiting him in January, he snooped through my external hard drive and deleted files of himself that I had saved. Things like photos of him and screenshots. I discovered that he had done this in late March, long after we broke up. Chances are high he snooped through the contents of my laptop as well. I remember the realisation that he had gone through my things and feeling sick to my stomach, because it was such a massive breach of trust. It painted his actions since that meeting in an even worse light, because he knew that he had done this and yet was still seeking a friendship with me.

So yeah, he stalked my brother, something that he doesn’t deny either, although he won’t call it stalking. A few days after that he sent me another email. He had composed a song for me. He also openly acknowledged that he knew it would probably upset me. Whether he meant the contents of the song, or the fact that he had yet again contacted me, I wasn’t sure, but I sure as hell did not listen to that song.

openly acknowledging that it’s going to upset me doesn’t make it any better fyi

This coincides with him uploading a mariachi cover of a Witcher 3 song to his channel. It was hard to tell at this point but you could almost read a coded message in the song title.

very apt, tbqh

I could cover all the detail about him contacting me (there’s a lot of youtube comments), but this is already long enough and I can summarise easily: I was venting to my twitter about the deluded guy harassing me and he was continuing to try to contact me. He even tried to blackmail me, because whew boy, he had decided to tell all of cgg (cuhrayzee games general, used to be a 4chan /vg/ board, now exclusively on discord) about his relationship with me. Bless them, they tried to help him work through it, but they kind of missed the mark when it came to owning up to his behaviour.

I ignored all of this, but it came to a head when he decided to post a PSA about me. Yes, a Public Service Announcement about me, where he told every single excruciating detail about the relationship, as well as tried to justify his harassing behaviour.

I found this out when I was browsing 4chan, a few days after he had posted it. I never read the contents but I knew that he was telling a very skewed version of events. I emailed the website admins to get the PSA removed, because hey, it was just another venue for my ex to harass me, now by blackmailing me by spreading my personal life details to the internet.

Throughout this time, I had not really addressed the issue on my youtube channel. I had been uploading episodes again with a new commentator since April, and while there were some people who missed my old commentator, I did not acknowledge the questions at all. Well, after the PSA got released somebody decided to comment on one of these threads, saying that the reason my ex was no longer on episodes was because we had broken up and I had handled the breakup badly. Which is a pretty laughable interpretation of the events.

I took this opportunity to address the issues head on, and posted the following comments:

I also detailed roughly what had been happening on my twitter account.

Well, a few days after that, my ex found the comments I had made, and replied to it, using yet another youtube account. Unfortunately (or perhaps, fortunately), the OP deleted their comment before I could screenshot the entirety of my ex’s replies, but the gist of it was basically a mix of justification of the stalking of my brother and an attempt at another ultimatum (with yes, yet another promise that this would be the last time he would contact me).

ah yes, my infamous disingenuous harassment flag powers

Anyway, drama aside, I got the PSA removed. My ex found out (through a lovely person who used to follow me on twitter and now does not), and posted the PSA again. I reported it again and it was removed. You would think at this point he would think, ‘huh, I wonder why they’re removing it if there’s nothing wrong with what I wrote,’ but self-reflection does not become this exceptional person.

guess whose exes were all “crazy”? this is in no way a red flag or indicative of a larger issue

After I got the PSA removed a second time, he made his twitter account private, and posted yet another PSA on a different website. It was up for a few days before I found out, because my ex made his twitter public again and I was on the lookout for crazy stuff from him. Once again, I got the offending item removed by the website admins.

third time’s a charm

The fact that he was posting very personal, private information about my life seemed to escape him, and he posted the PSA a fourth time, this time with redacted information. Redacted information like, my online handle, my age, my country of residence. Information that people already know. But not all the unnecessary information about my personal relationship with him.

“no good reason” nuh-uh

I had a pretty epic meltdown on twitter, I will admit it. Lovely people like the ones picture below jumped in on the fray as well.

fresh hot takes from twitter dot com

All in all, I got the PSA removed again, hopefully for the final time. But not before dissecting his warped way of thinking. I thought it was finally over.

Haha no why would you think that. It’s my birthday next week and my ex wanted to wish me a happy birthday, but he decided against sending it close to the date of my birthday, because he knew that it would upset me. Also, he’s still waiting to be friends with me again, but he sure as hell won’t be apologising or anything for his behaviour.

pure logical being, right here, as he likes to call himself

TL;DR: MikeKob is a crazy, deluded, harassing and stalking piece of shit. To put it mildly.

3. The lack of updates (cont)

So, if you read all of that, you might understand why I haven’t had the motivation to continue the series lately. I’m planning to get back into it though, a large part of why I was putting this update off is because the audio recording is almost 2 hours long or something.

[iishmael]

Could I ask for a Mini Simi fic with "Wait, don’t pull away… Not yet.” Please? :3

I was thinking about this for the last few days CONSTANTLY bc the only thing i could come up with were smutty things and i was procrastinating to write that for some reason lol but it just HIT me and i just HAD TO IM SORRY. i hope this makes sense, i tried to make everything as obvious as possible but my brain does weird things sometimes so pls let me know if this is completely weird xD

Pairing: Sebastian Vettel/Kimi RaikkonenWarnings: uhmmmmm im sorry it’s a (crack-ish) AU :D none apart from that though! 

“Agent V, report!” “Fucking hell!”, screeched Kimi quietly and tried to cover the radio with a jumper. “Did you put the volume up?! They’re gonna hear us if the HQs keep screaming at us like that!!” Seb just shrugged awkwardly, his eyes fixed on a scene on the other side of the street. They were sitting in a parking car, trying to be as stealthy as you could possibly be when you accidentally ended up in front of the privat mansion of a mafia boss when you originally had been looking for a quiet spot to eat lunch with your partner slash boyfriend. The makeout session Seb had had in mind for their elongated break was definitely out of the question ever since said mafia boss had appeared barefoot and in a gown to fetch the newspaper from the front step of the villa they had parked across from. “This is Agent V, please cease the communication”, Seb grunted into the radio when Kimi didn’t stop to hit him in the shoulder with it since the static noises from under the jumper grew louder. “Is Agent R with you? We have a situation in Zone 5. Observations are ordered to be postponed until after resolving the Code Sauber.” The squawking voice from the radio make Kimi roll his eyes. “Listen”, Kimi answered as quietly and as insistently as possible while Seb started to take pictures of the mafia boss talking to one of his neighbours. “We spotted a Code Mercedes. It needs our immediate attention.”A noise that sounded way too much like a stifled scream rang out of the radio. “A Code Mercedes?! You’re observing a Code Mercedes without direct orders?! Are you insane? This is base speaking, move to Zone 5! THIS is a direct order!” Kimi had already opened his mouth to protest but Seb had apparently given up on recording the exchange the mafia boss had with his neighbour. The other man left now anyways, so Kimi just sighed when Seb snatched the radio back and grumbled: “It’s alright, Agents V and R on the move to Zone 5. DRS enabled.” HQ hadn’t even answered yet when Seb started the engine, but suddenly Kimi saw a figure behind one of the windows and it looked like they were holding a gun. “Wait, don’t pull away… Not yet.” Kimi pointed at the window and Seb had his camera back in his hands, taking photos again. “If they shoot him, do we intervene?”, Seb whispered, so focused on what was happening over at the mafia bosses house that neither him nor Kimi realised the radio was buzzing again.The squawking voice was back and full of disapproval. “Agents V and R! DRS has not been enabled for your car! What are you doing! Do we have to command a Multi 2-1?” Kimi rolled his eyes and slowly aligned his own gun, just in case the person in the mafia boss’ house would start a shooting. “Agent R! Weapon activity has been detected from your KERS! This is not authorized!”“Leave me alone, I know what I’m doing”, Kimi snarked into the radio, not putting down his weapon. It didn’t take long until a commotion started in the house, with the mafia boss and the intruder both inside it that was the obvious outcome for this situation. Seb had his binoculars out and was quietly commenting the scene. “The intruder seems to be acting alone, Ecclestone is just standing there and looking at him. Doesn’t seem like he was prepared for a quarrel. He’s apparently alone in the entire villa, what an idiot. The intruder is walking him at gunpoint through the room and, oh! He just grabbed something from a shelf!” Seb sounded positively excited. “He’ll come out of the second window in a few seconds!” Immediately Kimi opened the car door, his KERS gun in place and just when said intruder started to run through the little front yard, a gunshot rang through the silent neighbourhood. “Oh fuck!”, Seb yelled, jumping out of the car and pulling out his gun as well. “Status, Kimi!”“Wasn’t me who shot!”, Kimi shouted back, ducking down behind the now open car door. “It was me.” A voice said from behind them. Both Kimi and Seb turned around at once, pointing their guns at the new danger - but it just turned out to be a well-known face. “Fernando!” Seb sounded genuinely surprised. “I thought you didn’t work for The Ferrari Agency anymore. You went to The Orange Explosives, right?” Kimi just stared at him. He wasn’t sure what to think of this. For his part, he thought they should maybe keep an eye on Ecclestone, the mafia boss… because who knew what he could come up with next. Fernando shrugged. “Your information is outdated. Ecclestone resigned as the leader of his mob, there’s another guy now. An entire group called Liberty M to be precise.” He holstered his own gun and started to walk over to the other side of the street with Seb and Kimi following him slowly. “It’s not that we have to protect him but this person wanted to steal relevant information about Operation Halo.” Seb and Kimi exchanged a gaze. Operation Halo was generally laughed upon and they hadn’t realised it was of any importance. Ferrari hadn’t been bothered by it at all, contrary to other agencys. Fernando rolled his eyes. “What does The Ferrari Agency even do these days?! It needs to take placeas planned.” Lowering his voice, he added: “We have worked too hard on its details to just let the information about it go public.” Seb shook his head. “I don’t understand.” “We ignored direct orders for this!”, Kimi complained grumpily when Fernando just shrugged. He seemed to have full control over the situation while Seb and Kimi were just very confused. “You two concentrate on whatever other ops your on at the moment. Go check out what happend in Zone 5, I think there was a conflict between the younger members of the streetgang with the bull as a sign.” “But-”, Seb started to object, when Kimi suddenly pulled on his arm. “Leave him be.” He threw a dirty look at Fernando who was now crouching down next to the body of the intruder. “At least we have a shot at the Best Agent Championship instead of doing the dirty work.”~

[bigbrotherorre]

FINAL EPISODE: “DENNIS IS SUCH A KING” - ALI THE REST OF THE GAME.

WEEK 13 

if someone who doesn't love me wins this week then bye bye ashvika 

annoyed that sammy nominated me because i kept him safe last week whereas i could have just as easily flipped to keeping alivia and he could've left...but more than that, i'm annoyed at his speech. i dont think he should've used "you nommed me" as an excuse bc that's lame and he was the first to nom me and i nommed him back so we were even, and then i let him have veto pick when he was nommed and i made sure he got taken off. also conversation is a two way street and i dont see him trying to make a conversation with me either, he could have just said the real reason....i love hearing about how good of a player he thinks i am.... the worst case scenario is if bryce or zeezo win, i think even if the noms stay the same that i have a good chance of staying? granted that autumn and ali don't decide to turn on me and evict me 

why is bryce spreading lies :( i didn't tell ali to nominate sammy.... 

ive made a lot of mistakes this game and there all coming at me now.. my position in the game is terrible and i can blame it on ppl playing not to their win condition or on just the wrong ppl winning comps at the wrong time, but ultimately i could have tried harder convincing ppl to see the light or to do better in challenges so ultimately its on me. feeling really hopeless this week even tho i avoided being a preveto nom i think ill be a post one if literally anyone but me wins veto. and i flopped veto (cwl). i cant wait for after the game for ali to admit that he did tell me that ashvika pushed for sammy to be nommed. order in which id vote ppl zeezo- always worked with me and if she makes it to the end she truly DID THAT ashvika- really took control of the game with her hoh win and after jose left smartly picked up the goats and became the biggest threat randy- a king love us working with/against each other throughout the game and even tho he was voted out im not one to discredit buyback winners autumn- never spoke to me but guess she didnt need to KASDHFK ali- fakest person ive ever met dennis- knows how to get to f2 at least sammy- ignores obvious facts and always makes the wrong move  but good at comps so wooh (me teas too tho...)

somehow i didnt get nommed but like so sad what the heck zeezo is going home like why is everyone so jealous that shes prettier and funnier than them :( why cant we all be her goats <3 i guess its good bc like i cant win with zeezo in the game and i can vote to keep her still, but honestly if i lose in f2 with zeezo itd still be fun bc she has had my back all game :] I AM SO SAD UGHHHH GOD HATES GAYS AND HES TAKING MY TWO WOC QUEENS BACK TO BACK. Now i have ashvika who is a queen but not my queen!! And autumn yikes hates me always :(

SORRY IVE BEEN GONE!!! I did one video confessional for Week 11 and just like never posted it lmao but I will haha and that's all behind me. But anyway I just have so many feelings. Live  night is about to begin, me and Zeezo's war is finally concluding, IM STILL TRYING TO GET MY FIRST COMP WIN, and I'm trying to protect my allies at all cost. Some cracked shit is about to go down and I'm so excited and so so glad I took a nap before this cause I'm ready for anything wooo

RANDY: WIN SAMMY: ... ALI: FAKEST PERSON IVE EVER MET MAYBE TALKS A BIG GAME AND SAYS HES SUPER NICE AND EMOTIONAL BUT SUDDENLY CAN TURN THAT OFF. HE WOULD BE A GOOD VILLAIN BUT HE ACTS NICE AND DOESNT OWN IT AND MAYBE ITS JUST BC ITS SO SOON BUT I HOPE HE CHOKES AND HAS HAYFEVER FOREVER! WHAT EVEN IS HAYFEVER??? HORSE BOY AUTUMN: NEVER SPOKE TO ME BUT NICE DENNIS: FORGOT TO PUT SOMEONE ON THE LIST, KNEW HIS WAY TO F2 AND IF HE DOESNT TAKE CREDIT FOR THINGS ICON AND ID VOTE FOR HIM.

AFTER THE TRIPLE EVICTION...

OK BUT DAT TRIPLE DOE http://media2.giphy.com/media/xUA7aViRhBQPzXNAAM/giphy.gif It was dramatic, over the top, emotional, satisfying, show stopping, gut wrenching- literally everything you want out of a triple. I... don't feel bad for Breezo lmao, not after all the messiness they've caused. But doing Ashvika dirty is literally the hardest choice I've had to make in Orre. Sis I am so so sorry. I should've thrown you a vote but you know how Randy is and you really know how Dennis is. I just--- that was something I like wasn't prepared to ever do, break Ashvika's heart. But like in my beautiful dark twisted mind? It was perfect because I knew I couldn't go to the end w/ Ash but I was never going to nominate her. So here we are rip ALSO LAB AND BREEZO ALL SITTING IN JURY??? BIIIIIIITTTCCHHHHH https://media.giphy.com/media/zcAii7T9JXezS/source.gif If you're reading this, you know I sure did say I would wipe that whole group out and send them to jury and it really did come to pass. John sure did gas all of them up to win and I sure did tell him in my Week 10 goodbye message that they were all bout to walk in behind him. So in the spirit of prophesizing, let it be known that Auli aka Ali and I will make Final 3 because we are the strategic dynamic duo y'all slept on. Like correct me if I'm wrong: we've been on the right side of all 8 "merge" votes (there's no word for like opposite of pre-jury lmao), we ain't been on block since Week 6/7 and it's now Week 14, and we've downplayed our iconicism left and right so we're the last duo standing at Final 5, and no one wants to take a shot at us. BUT YALL STILL SLEEP CAUSE THE MIST IS THAT STRONG. That's ok though! When Randy and Sammy walk into jury next y'all will see Also I'm  dead at how much jury hates Ali hahaha. Deadass he has to stay in the game for safety reasons. Like soooo many jurors wanna kill him. That's my ride or die though so I can't let that happen. Anyway I still feel like shit for obeying Randy, which hurt Ashvika, made Dennis cry, and further dragged Ali's corpse. But the good news is woooo it's Final 5 and these boys all want to take Auli to the end. So do I NEED to win this HOH? No not really. Am I still praying and pleading with God like I do before every comp? Absolutely https://media1.tenor.com/images/1a11748f0c7ce30ab4afd057fab66751/tenor.gif?itemid=5677211

Me when I shocked the nation and won HOH and finally had power in the house after 13 weeks https://78.media.tumblr.com/2a8c6d7cc298da364a847f8f9d767c7c/tumblr_opiih6Z7tB1ub3fcfo1_500.gif Me then using said power to target my baby Randy for the greater good https://media.giphy.com/media/hic9t15zsdwfC/giphy.gif And now me that I'm selling my entire family, land, soul, and wig collection to get Dennis to keep me and kill Sammy so that I'm not Ika Wonged because I know for a fact Ali would take me to F2 and Dennis would be a dumbass not to take me too. AND I ALWAYS BELIEVED IF I WENT UP A FOURTH TIME THAT WOULD BE THE TIME I GO UP ON THE BLOCK AND DONT COME BACK DOWN SO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DENNIS BE STRATEGIC AND KEEP ME https://i.pinimg.com/originals/23/53/9d/23539d4ab6c13adab50940426d73ed6e.gif

[AFTER F4 EVICTION]

WAIT WHAT HOW AM I ALIVE?? https://media.giphy.com/media/TZ388aYpsLMcM/giphy.gif AND HOW THE FUCK DID I MAKE FINAL 3??? https://yiaelxzosjw9p4bs-zippykid.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/happy-crying.gif Pray for me if I win Final HOH cause fun fact: I, the strategic legend, have no clue who to fucking take to the end and that's the biggest gag of the entire season BECAUSE I DIDN'T PLAN OUT THIS FAR GODDAMMIT AND I WISH I HAD. Ok that's not entirely true- I knew I should either sit next to Dennis or Ali because ya know contingency plans matter. BUT NOW??? Bitch ion know I just wanna win

CLICK HERE & HERE TO SEE DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOMS!

i've never seen a better reflection of the emotional rollercoaster that is my mental state than these two being filmed less than 12 hours apart jasldfa

CLICK HERE AND HERE TO SEE ALI’S VIDEO DIARY ROOMS!

okay i have lots of post finale thoughts but i need to type them up tomorrow. i just hope the jury knows how sorry I am if I ever upset them, because I love them all so much and would never want that :(

time for my post finale wrap up and.... whewie. This is so upsetting because, I just did this for all stars. Like it's looking like my track record is LITERALLY going to be 2nd 9th 2nd 2nd 2nd, I CANT COME 2ND AGAIN. I really can't take this. Here is the bigger problem though and this is why Orre will be my last game whether I win or not. I can't keep playing these games when I upset so many people. Like it honestly broke my heart yesterday hearing how much I upset people like Bryce & Ashvika, people I love SOOOOOOO much. I don't want to upset people. Like... what upset me about finale is I don't think the jurors realise that.... I didn't just upset people for the sake of it and ahhh. Honestly, I'm really upset, like not even that I'm coming second but that I upset people. So with that said, I really apologise to the jurors. I got the impression that I hurt you all so bad that you are giving me 2nd as like.... punishment? And while I hate that, if I hurt you all that bad I really owe you all an apology. Anywho, since this is definitely my last game, I've played 183 days worth of games to just come 2nd, and that's just too much. I'm too flawed of a person and player to continue playing these games and just keep coming 2nd. Like it just hurts. so yeah, i'm sad but mainly because this is deja vu. I'm so proud of Dennis for winning, he is such a sweet genuine guy and when he was complimenting me during the finale, it was the nicest thing I've ever heard and I'm so greatful. No matter my game or his, I'd be happy to see Dennis represent our season.

Can I just say... Dennis is such a king. What a kind-hearted, genuine guy. A true king.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

okay so I lost.... and I'm weirdly at peace with it. I know I answered the jury questions terribly and I had... some jurors that would never have it in them to vote for me and would actively campaign against me. Dennis is a king, and in a cast with toxicity and SUCH bitterness, I think he is a phenomenal representation for the season. Otherwise, I am really honoured to get Ashvika's vote, she is such a deserving POTS, and to get POTS' vote is always an honour. Autumn and Jose are amazing friends and I am so happy to have got to work with them, John is a player with SUCH potential and he is WINNING BOTS & Zeezo I'm really honoured to get her vote too! For the others, Bryce is a KING and so is Blake (they both seemed really upset by me so I hope we can be friends). Lynn I never spoke to and seems... very bitter about the season's result, but I hope she gets over it because she is also a QUEEN. Randy is a funny one and I'm starting to worry all his friend talk was just him playing into my emotional side, but he is a good egg really I know it. Sammy is a ghost king. I kinda want to end on Alivia. Alivia is a person whose personality is obviously very different to mine and the way she speaks to me and others really upsets me a lot of the time. However, her bitterness against me is understandable and I hope she gets over it, because she defines herself by anger and bitterness when she is such a funny and likable person and doesn't need to do that. but woo... to wrap stuff up, I'm so grateful for Nicholas & Julia for casting me, Owen & Emily for being amazing.... OH, I forgot what I wanted to say. Autumn is a queen, a legend and amazing. She is honestly soo soo amazing, like... someone I really admire and see as a rolemodel? she is inspirational, a queen and a legend. Dennis is the nicest, most well intentioned guy ever SO sweet and really just a genuinely nice guy. I have made lasting friendships with some members of this cast and I'm so happy. so yeah.... i'll probably do another one of these in like a day or so, but if not.... ali out woo

we love coming to jury and being told about my ""showmance""".... wanna die jadfkl. my only showmance was to snakery, my way of life. blake was robbed but also is a broccoli. last words? autumn and dennis are my faves, best F3 ever.

FINAL CAST ASSESSMENT