#actually now that i'm summing it up that doesn't sound like a lot :( but it feels like a lot

[hemaris]

soooooo annoying how a year ago i was like hahaaaa leaving the legal sector FOREVER & now i'm like being a public prosecutor would pay really well though 🥺🥺🥺

[niningtori]

to know him is to love him, and i do | chapter three: i'm not all bad, right?

pairing(s): choi beomgyu x you, kang taehyun x you

summary: you love beomgyu more than anything. you just wish he loved you, too. or you finally break up with beomgyu and move on, but as for him? maybe he's starting to realize too little too late.

genre: romance, angst, angst with a happy ending (?)

word count: 2.1k

notes: hi friends! i don't have much to say this time around besides the fact that i just want to thank user zzhyuu for helping me edit this (´∀｀)♡

if you were to ask beomgyu if he loved his ex mere months ago, he'd say he didn't know for sure, but probably. they ended things rather messily, which seems to be a trend for him, but if he really thinks about it, he doesn't know what he liked about her after all. if he had to pinpoint it, he liked the thrill of the chase and the idea of never knowing how explosive things would inevitably get between the two of them. he liked the toxicity. he liked the idea of breaking somebody and being broken in return. only now does he understand that that wasn't love at all, but some sort of sick game of hurting and being hurt he doesn't — he can't — play anymore. he doesn't want to hurt the people around him any longer, especially not you, but it would appear that that sentiment has presented itself a little too late. 

there's always been a lot to love about you. always. you're so kind and so incredibly patient, at least with the people you love. you're thoughtful and intentional with your words and actions. you're not perfect, but you try your best to be a good and fair person. and you listen. like, really listen. the kind of listening where you're not just waiting for your turn to talk, but the kind where you genuinely want to know what the other person has to say. even if he didn't know it at the time, beomgyu always did love you. was it in the way you deserved? obviously, with the way things are now, it's perfectly clear that it was not. 

even if he does bump into you, it's completely pointless. you made it perfectly clear that you want nothing to do with him anymore. the last thing you said to him echoes in his head with an unspeakable viciousness. "i'm sorry you feel that way." he didn't realize just how cruel those words were until they were falling from your lips instead of his. he didn't realize just how cruel he was in general. 

he ponders over how succinctly you summed up your entire dynamic: "i don't understand why i have to explain basic human emotion to you and i really don't understand why i have to beg and plead for you to care about how i feel!" to be honest? he doesn't understand why you had to do that, either. 

contrary to what one might suppose about him given his overall shitty personality, he had actually had a pretty good go at life. he was innately able to make the world sit and watch him go, and he wouldn't let anyone forget it. but what should he do since you don't want to watch him anymore? what should he do since you don't want anything to do with him anymore? 

as he sits in the extremely uncomfortable chair of his new least favorite bar, he's confronted by this truth over and over again. he's not completely sure why he's even here — he hates this place, but he remembers you mentioning you liked to come here. in hindsight, there's no doubt that that was a way to hint that you'd like to come with him, but what use is it to recognize it now, after all this time? 

not much, apparently. or at least that's what his conscience is telling him. he should leave, he thinks. he should stop coming here every night hoping he'll run into you because it's wrong to make you uncomfortable when you've said in no uncertain terms that you don't want him anymore. he should, he should, he should. and he will, really. in just a minute. that's what he tells himself, but he just watches the door as he drinks himself dry.

he's on the brink of literally passing out when he hears a sound he'd recognize anywhere: your laugh. he actually thinks he's hallucinating just because he wants to hear it so fucking badly, but it takes the sound of your voice to convince him it's real. you're actually here. he's incredibly drunk, so the idea of being tactful escapes him. he can't miss this chance.

-

you try, and try, and try some more, but you can't seem to forget beomgyu's last words to you. he loves you? you scoff at the idea. does he even know what love is? it doesn't feel like it. truly, it doesn't. if that's what his love feels like, you'd rather not feel it at all. 

that's what you keep trying to hammer into your head along with the idea that you're doing well. and you are doing well. seriously. things with taehyun are better than ever and you can really see yourself building a life with him. everything feels so pure and brand new. your feelings for him may lack the intensity that you felt with beomgyu, but you had known him for years. it's only fair that you nurture the love that's blossoming between the two of you while smothering out the embers of what used to be with beomgyu. it's only right, right? it should be, but the way you're so torn makes your brain hurt.

so you decide to go to your favorite bar and forget about everything for the night. it's been a long while since you've let loose and you're excited. you're surrounded by your friends and you're ready to let go. it's only when you excuse yourself to get some fresh air that you realize fate has other plans. 

when you're walking to the curb to take a seat, you feel a tug on your elbow and whip around. if there's some creep trying to get with you, there will be hell to pay. 

"who the f—" you stop dead in your tracks as your eyes meet with beomgyu's misty ones. the ones you used to love so much. 

"hey," he says weakly.

"what do you want?" you ask venomously while harshly yanking your elbow from his grasp. his lips purse and even in the dim lighting outside of the bar, you can see his eyes water even more. he's always been such a baby when he's drunk. 

"i just wanna talk," he pleads. he sounds so out of it and looks so pathetic you almost feel bad for him. almost.

"i have nothing to say to you," you reply coldly. 

"but i do." he sounds desperate to a degree that you sincerely never thought you'd hear.

"what, are you gonna tell me you love me again?"  you retort with a roll of your eyes. you're obviously being sarcastic, but all he can think in his drunken state is how pretty your eyes shine, even when they're impatient to look away from him.

"if you're not gonna say anything, i'm leaving —" you snap, turning away, but beomgyu is awoken from his daze and gently pulls you back.

"n-no! i mean, yes. i love you, b-but that's not what i wanted to say."

"well, what did you want to say?" you ask, tone laced with annoyance. seeing that you'll actually give him a chance to hear him out, he scrambles to pull out his phone. you're confused for a few seconds before he pulls up his notes app and you see an alarmingly huge chunk of text. what the fuck?

"i-i wrote this for you," he says tremblingly — so anxious that the hand that holds his phone is visibly shaking. you cock your eyebrow when he clears his throat and begins.

"i was so, so inconsiderate of how you felt, and didn’t treat you with a lot of respect as a person, let alone as a partner. i didn't understand how hurt you would be by the things i did or didn't do. in a way, i still don't think i understand just how fully how i treated you affected you. especially when you were so hurt by me. especially when you’d hold onto those feelings for so long, whether you wanted to hold them or not. it's unbelievable to me that you stayed with me for as long as you did, a-and it’s a testament to your willpower, your resolve, and how much you really do — or did — love me. i don’t think i ever appreciated your love like i do now. i... i don’t know if i appreciate it fully even as i write this. 

when i last saw you, i thought you were being cruel, but looking back, i can’t blame you. i can only admire you for not being worse, actually. roles reversed, i definitely would have been. i-i'm starting to understand how you must have felt, and why you probably want me to feel how you felt in the past. i know you think i am the one who owes you, and i do. i really owe you a lot. i owe you more than you ever asked me for.

so i want to make it up to you. i really do. and i'm hoping that i can really change. i'm – i just miss you so much i can't stand it anymore. i-if you don’t feel the same way, or don’t care, or however it is, i understand. but i meant it when i said i love you, and i mean it now when i say that i'm so, so incredibly sorry," his voice cracks as he finishes and hot tears threaten to find their way down his face. 

"beomgyu..." you begin, not really sure what to say. what can you say? and any hope he has of being with you is almost extinguished when he sees how much you pity him in this moment, but he'll hold on for as long as you'll let him.

"you said you saw the real me. you know i'm not all bad, right? i'm a piece of shit, but i can't be all bad," he pleads, tears now streaming unabashedly from his eyes. maybe if he can just find the right words, you won't leave him.

"beomgyu," you sigh, "i've never thought that about you. i know you're not all bad," his face perks up at this and he's tempted to bury his face in your neck and sob in pure relief. the pain he's been feeling for the past few months is about to be over because you understand him. always have. even though he's like this, you can still see the good in him. just the thought alone is enough to fill him with pure ecstasy. he goes to close the distance between the two of you to pull you into his embrace, but you gently place your hand on his chest before he can come any closer.

"thank you for telling me how you feel, beomgyu, but if you think you can fix everything with a few words from your notes app, you're delusional." his face crumbles at this and a sense of panic and dread pools in his stomach.

"w-what? b-but you said —" 

"i know you're sorry and i know you'd probably try to make it up to me if i let you, but that's not enough. you really hurt me, okay? and it's just, you know, i'm finally happy now. and i have taehyun. i really like him, beomgyu. and he really likes me," you say with a fond smile, as if you're thinking of taehyun right now, and his heart shatters into a million pieces. the former him would probably be throwing a tantrum right now, but he said he'd change for you, so he says what you'd never expect him to.

"it's okay," he smiles bitterly, tears still flowing freely. "i... i understand. i just want you to be happy. i want you to be so happy. you deserve it."

"but..."

"go back in," he sniffs. "you don't need to stay here with me anymore." he swipes at his eyes with his sleeve and tries to send you off with a smile, but it's so forlorn you wish he'd just keep frowning.

"... okay." you turn away, and even though he told you to do it, he can't help but feel an even bigger lump in his throat now that you're actually listening to him.

"beomgyu?" you say softly, before you enter the door. 

his damned heart can't help but flutter again against his will. 

"yes?" 

"don't wait for me anymore, okay?" how are you so cruel but so merciful at the same time? he should say okay, but the ugly and selfish part of him refuses to lie, so he just shakes his head and waves you off. his love is ugly and his heart is broken, but it's still yours to have. 

"I'm sorry," he murmurs again to nobody but himself as you enter the bar.

notes pt. 2: the next chapter will be the final chapter. it will probably be relatively short, so keep that in mind. anyway, feedback is always appreciated :)

masterlist

[lucysarah-c]

I would like you very much to talk about the girlfriend effect on Levi's fashion

The man has zero sense on it it's actually hurt

The way I squealed when I read this ask. I was like that TikTok sound of “OH MY GOODNESSI LOVE THIS QUESTION! I THINK..!”

*Deep sigh* Anon, you're absolutely right; it's time we face the truth about Levi's sense of style – it's hideous. Have you witnessed those panels of him in the Uprising arc with a T-shirt on top of a long-sleeve shirt? I mean, seriously, it's like, "You're lucky I adore you, Levi…"

Now, let's establish some basics. We can't delve into the "girlfriend effect" without first acknowledging Levi's life as a man. I hate to break it to many of us, but Levi is, indeed, a man – raised by Kenny, no less. Levi values cleanliness and practicality. To sum up Levi's approach to broad topics: cheap, pragmatic, and straightforward. The only exceptions to this rule are tea and cleaning. Levi grew up in poverty, so he won't waste a single penny on face cream, even if you harass him. As an example, there's a "game" that was only available, I believe, in Japan, that had side stories, and Levi literally told Erwin he wasted too much money on "pointless" stuff like hair pomade…

Levi doesn't buy much furniture, treats for his body, clothes – anything, really. I'd even venture to say he might get some of his clothes from donations. He saves his money for tea… and tea sets.

And here's where the girlfriend comes into the picture. It starts subtly; she spends a night in his personal chambers and suggests bringing in new pillows, curtains, furniture, scented candles, and bathroom appliances for her stuff. Then the full transformation happens.

Levi, pale as ever, refuses to wear sunscreen like any man would. “I'm trying to look after you!" she would insist while running her hand through his face; he's not pleased. He hates the sticky feeling, but it's just the beginning. He pretends to dislike it, but he falls asleep so easily when his face is on her legs, and she's giving him a face massage with a full face glam, mask, and gua sha.

"You have to use it like this, against the hair movement, to create volume so your hair doesn't stick to your scalp," she says, applying molding wax to his hair to give it more volume. Skincare routine? Check. Lip balms? Check. Hairstyles? Check. Personal chambers now looking comfy and homey? Double-check.

And finally, the clothes. He's against it at first, always in uniform, so why bother? But she explains how proportions and colors can make him look taller, and he's tempted to tell her he doesn't care. However, her puppy eyes beg him to wear what she chose.

The result? Levi, who once dressed like a pre-teen from the 2000s, transforms into a model. The LOOKS? He goes out with the vets for a few beers on a day off, and MPs are turning around; even Erwin is surprised. He's supposed to be the high maintenance of the group, not Levi! This transformation becomes the main giveaway that Levi is dating. Glowing skin, glass-like complexion, perfectly cut and smooth hair with ideal volume.

The cherry on top? Suddenly, he's taking days off, going out more, and knows a lot about which restaurants are "not that bad," all while dressing like a Vogue cover.

The only disadvantage? Now he has his pockets full of lip glosses, napkins, hand cream, etc. Women's clothes don't have pockets. How is he supposed to explain to the MPs when they ask for a pen, and he pulls out a pink, glittery lip gloss from his pocket? Not everything is an upside.

I ADORED this question! I hope the answer is somehow what you had in mind! Thank you so so much for sending this.

I hope you and your loved ones are doing great today and stay safe!

Lots of love!

Tags!: @nmlkys @jimoonbeau @fictiondrunk @notgoodforlife @nube55 @justkon @i-literally-cant-with-this @darkstarlight82 @thoreeo @quillinhand @humanitys-strongest-bamf Wanna join my tag list? Here!

[diahire]

Anyways I wrote this post on my private blog but decided I'll share it with the whole fandom and add a few more thoughts to really throw salt about this down on the salt pile with the rest of the Villain fans. (This post isn't for the hero stans, I'm not here to argue with you guys, if you like the ending good for you! I wish that could be me!) I thought about it all night and tbh its literally the worst outcome for the entire manga imo? Because it doesn't feel like the resolution everyone was fighting for can be reached now, or as if Hori's gonna just gloss over it the same way and pretend its a happy ending. (Sorry if I sound like a hater, I sung his praises and trusted him so much so excuse me if my trust has been completely shattered with this) This post sums up a lot of my feelings on the last chapter Surrounding AFO and stuff like that, which was actually satisfying. But oh my lord, everything else is one of the most bitter let downs I've ever seen in any piece of media ever. I'd like to believe the fan theories that this isn't it for the LoV are true but tbh I refuse to be fooled by Hori again so at this point I'm actually fairly positive that the league is dead save for Mr Compress who, I guess, will just be spending the rest of his life ass-cheekless and in jail. (Unless we're meant to think Compress has been executed or is going to be. Who knows. Wouldn't be surprised at this point.)

Like I mentioned, I think the whole "Give Shigaraki back. His friends are waiting for him" thing was alluding to the fate of the League. It would explain why we haven't seen them again. Why Ochaco was the only one shown to be lifted into the helicopter to the hospital even though Himiko should have been right there with her. I made a post about it back then saying how worried I was that they didn't show or even mention Himiko at that point. Well, yeah, my fears of the worst I think were confirmed there. Like the reality here seems to be that Hori literally directly pulled a bury your gays on her. Like ?? I think its probably also safe to say Spinner is likely already dead. We've seen or heard nothing from him since he went down either. Due to Shigaraki's final words I want to think maybe he's not but at the same time I can't imagine him being the sole survivor. Unfortunately, this means Dabi is likely already dead as well. I'm low key taking a little bit of spiteful satisfaction in the fact that if Dabi has died his last words were telling his family to fuck off and honestly, good for him. Its like he said. This was all lip service and saving face and why did it have to go so far / take so long for anyone to even try? Why did he have to burn himself to death for his family to give him the bare minimum of acknowledgement? He spent his entire childhood literally crying and begging for it and being harshly rejected because the moment his dad found out he was disabled he pulled the rug out from under him and decided his existance was pointless. He spent the entire battle desperately trying to get his father to recognize him and talk to him and see that he wasn't a worthless son and could have done so much had he not done epic ableism to him (which, yeah we agreed this was correct within the narrative, omg!) and all Endeavor did was avoid him until he was backed into a corner and couldn't ignore / avoid him anymore, which is at large why Dabi was so badly injured in the first place. This isnt a W for the heroes or for Endeavor anymore. Once again our great hero drove his literal disabled abuse victim son to death in a desperate attempt to receive some type of validation from him. The easiest thing in the world for Endeavor to have ever give him and the one thing he really wanted was once again withheld from him until it was too late. A fucking "Sorry I didn't come to Sekoto Peak :(" isn't good enough anymore. Like I say this as someone who isn't even an Endeavor hater, the opposite, that just isn't good enough anymore. I mean, wow, Himiko and Shigaraki both essentially "sacrificed" themselves for the purity of people who actually didn't really care about them and actually just failed them one last time in the grand scheme of things so I just don't see how I'm suppose to really feel like its a satisfying outcome for them. We can't let our little centrist heroes get blood on their hands, what a crappy cliche way to end their stories. The tragic, outcast, well intentioned extremist lefty "villains" self destruct so the designated, privileged "good guys" don't need to feel any guilt or real consequences for their deaths or weight of the things they were trying to achieve. (Even though they are undeniably responsible!) Ugh, genuinely its so gut wrenching that all Shigaraki wanted in his last moments was for Spinner to know that he died trying. Like I'm sorry but they weren't "saved" as they should have been and as Hori had been suggesting to this entire time. I understand every one of them was shown to have achieved some morbid, tragic sense of peace before they died but I just hate that's all they got. Himiko and Shigaraki let themselves die ultimately because people said some nice words to them and did the bare minimum for them that no hero would ever do before. How far they had to go to get the bare minimum out of some fucking kids no less, not even actual licensed heroes, bruh like. Yeah, such a win for the heroes... /s.

I think a lot people miss the fact that the reason the LoV wanted to "destroy" the world was to create a better one, and this has a lot of tragic impact when characters like Spinner are canonly being murdered and mutilated in literal hate crimes to such an extent Spinner was unable to leave his house back in his home village without being attacked. But of course this is fine cause Shoji moved to the big city and is going to become a licensed hero one day so that'll def end all racism toward mutant presenting quirks, no flaws in that logic at all, why didn't Spinner just think of that himself. /s

I mean this is really just a salty rant because I know other people have articulated, I think, better than me, why this ending sucks ass, sends a crappy message, shits all over the whole narrative of Izuku and his friends becoming "The worlds greatest heroes" and overall feels to be out of the left field, and honestly is just a lazy and bitter cop-out with all the build up surrounding it and the fact that it absolutely DOESN'T tackle or resolve any of the social issues that the series has done nothing but make commentary on and that the LoV were all tragic victims to, which is why they took up the fight with the heroes in the first place. (Aka, government dogs, literally we've learned all of Hero society basically exists as a distraction and a shitty band aide for the oppression and demonization of people with quirks by governments who refused to actually adapt to the society of the supernatural and instead continued to systematically oppress people who were considered to fall outside of the social norm which is now more rigid than ever because society becoming supernatural should have REMOVED all said oppressive "norms" but instead it heightened them because people in power won't/wouldn't let go of what they considered "normal" no matter how outdated and defunct that "normal" was. ) Anyway, yeah, no the status quo has been upheld and the rebellious minorities who fought so hard to end their oppression have been killed and will surely be forgotten as little more than crazy terrorists. Huzza, the day is saved! /s

Idk man. I suppose we can hope that the UA kids put measures in place to try and correct hero society through taking on board the villains pain and their rightful and just complaints moving forward but IMO that feels unrealistic now because now they're dead. The war is won, history is written by the victors and it will be much more convenient to everyone WHO ARE STILL IN CHARGE (The UA kids are still kids who are still in school mind you, they have no real say or power in anything.) to just continue as normal as if we weren't given a clear idea that as long as hero society exists things will not improve for Meta-humans and their rights and the unfair prejudices against people and their quirks so... Yay.

But hehe funny super hero manga, yay the villains were defeated and the day was saved, the rain stopped, the sun is shining and the birds are singing! -powerpuff girls animated heart -

[rowenablade]

“You worship the sun, but you keep feeding the dark.”

Thoughts on Ed, Izzy and Miscommunication.

“Drowning in the Sound” by Amanda Palmer is not on my list of go-to Blackhands songs, but that line above sums up Izzy so well for me, and a comment on my most recent fic update got me thinking about one of the more controversial lines from the finale.

“I fed your darkness.”

First things first: I'm not a canyonite, but I do unapologetically love Izzy as a character and do not buy into the narrative that he was an abusive manipulator and Ed was a helpless victim. If that makes you decide that I'm a dumbass, feel free to scroll on past. You're not gonna like the rest of this post.

We good? Okay.

So I know a lot of people hated that line and that scene in general, for a lot of reasons I won't get into here, but I wasn't one of them. While I don't agree with the Izzy=Abusive Manipulator takes, I also don't agree with the interpretation that Izzy was 100% the victim and Ed was a monstrous abuser. To me, their relationship was always a complicated, messy arrangement between two deeply flawed people, with far too many unspoken assumptions at its core. And one of the things that made it so fascinating for me was Izzy's ability to harm Ed when he thought he was helping him.

Look. I fully believe that at one point in time, these two loved each other. By the time we meet them in canon, the foundation of their relationship has rotted, but they are both self-actualized enough to leave a situation if it truly never made them happy.

That doesn't mean I think they were ever explicitly a romantic couple, or ever physically intimate (I actually think that never happened in canon.) But they loved each other once, and tried to show each other that love, and they are both so. Fucking. Bad at it. Or at least, they're bad at understanding how the other interprets the ways they say "I love you."

Take Ed. Yes, he uses a lot of physical touch, but I think Ed's truest way of expressing affection is inviting someone else to play with him. That's why he falls so hard for Stede- he's the playmate Ed never had, the one person who's always ready to give him a "Yes, and." And we see this in his interactions with Izzy in s1e4- calling Izzy to check out things he thinks are cool, trying to get him talking about the shape of the clouds. He's inviting Izzy to play with him, and it's going completely over Izzy's head, because Izzy doesn't want to play! He's at work! Now's not the time, Edward! But that's the thing- they're Blackbeard and Izzy Hands. They're never not at work. And that's what causes Ed's despair and Izzy's frustration to build, because they don't know how to interact with each other outside the context of their jobs.

So what looks like love, to Izzy?

My guess? Bonnie & Clyde. Natural Born Killers. Thelma & Louise. Us against the world, baby. Life is cruel and short, and ends violently, but at least we've got each other. We don't get info about Izzy's background, but his interactions with Ed vs. everyone else, and especially his possessiveness of Edward behind the Blackbeard persona, suggests a man for whom personal relationships are Serious Business. It's not about fun. It's about survival.

I think to Izzy, being someone's only safe person to be around, being the only two people in the world who understand each other, being constantly under threat and prepared to kill to protect one another, is heart-stoppingly romantic.

But it's not romantic for Ed at all. It's terrifying.

Ed's worried he's unlovable. He's worried he's a monster deep down. It's not going to make him feel safe, to be told that there's only one person in the world who really gets him. It's going to feel terribly isolating, and on top of that, it feels so serious. Ed doesn't want a relationship rooted in violence- he grew up around that, and it destroyed his family.

And Izzy has no idea.

He doesn't know about any of Ed's baggage with his father, or the self-esteem issues that make him worry he's unlovable. He doesn't know how alone it makes Ed feel to be told there's no one like him, even in the context of a compliment ("the most brilliant sailor I had ever met") or how triggering it would be to watch one person he loves hurt another (how could Ed not have been thinking of his parents during the duel scene?)

I think a lot of people assume that when Izzy says "I fed your darkness," he's referring to the "namby pamby in a silk gown" scene. But that was Izzy in a state of near-panic, desperate to say something that would get Ed to take him seriously, and I don't think that's what their relationship normally looked like.

I think Izzy fed Ed's darkness "for years" by telling him, through words or actions, that there was only ever the two of them, that they couldn't trust anybody else, that one of them would die defending the other.

"I fed your darkness" was Izzy realizing that to Ed, that didn't sound like, "I love you." It sounded like, "Without me, you're completely alone." And being alone is the thing that frightens Ed the most.

[lilyevanstan1325]

❤️ Built For This World ❤️

Chapter 5

I shift my gaze to the window.

“We need to tell someone, Sum”

The sun is now setting and Glenn and I are returning to the farm.

I close my eyes trying to fight the headache that minute after minute seems to destroy my every single neuron.

I sigh overwhelmed with frustration.

“Please, Glenn.Don't... don't start again”

I'm sorry for being so rude and I know he's just trying to help me but he really doesn't understand the crux of the matter.

I don't want to get anyone in trouble.

I'm the new one, the stranger.

What right do I have to start a discussion that I'm sure would degenerate?

“What does it mean don't start again?We need to talk to someone else about this.With Rick.Maybe with Daryl” he sketches a suggestion.

“No!” I snap violently at the sound of the archer's name.

No.

Not him.

“Listen to me carefully” I reply, trying to appear calmer than I actually am.

I return my gaze to my friend, his dark eyes full of concern make my heart ache.

It's touching to see how a man who was a stranger five days ago is now so worried about me.

I soften my gaze placing my hand on his knee, squeezing it gently.

“Listen Glenn.I don't want any of you to go against Shane.That man, I don't know, there's something wrong with him.I understood it from the first moment...but I can't put other people in danger.Think about Lori, think about this child.Would you dare risk Shane losing his mind?And then do you honestly really believe that others can believe me?After all, Shane took care of you.He kept all of you alive”

At the end my words become a whisper.

Shane did a lot for this group before Rick came back.

Glenn shakes his head without taking his eyes off the road.

With his right hand he takes off his hat and places it on the seat between us.

“Shane is not the same anymore.Rick's return changed something in him.And now I understand”

Yes.

With Rick's return, Shane has lost everything.

The leadership.

The control.

Lori.

I remain silent.

It's really a shitty situation.

“Lori and Shane often disappeared but honestly no one noticed, busy as we were trying to survive”

“You can't judge them, Glenn”

“I'm not doing that but now everything is clear.Shane had the power before Rick returned.Now he is no longer the leader.And it's wearing him down.God!Dale warned me but I didn't believe him”

His last words capture my full attention.

"What do you mean?"

For a moment Glenn's gaze goes back and forth between me and the road.

It's like he's deciding whether to trust me.

Then I see him sigh deeply, his chest heaving as if he's trying to fill his lungs to the full.

“Dale said he saw Shane point a gun at Rick's back”

Glenn shakes his head, his eyes seeming to be filled with something akin to shame.

“I didn't believe him, Summer.I didn't believe the man I consider a father.I told him that maybe he was wrong.And then…then there's more”

“What?” I ask still in shock from Glenn's revelation.

If Shane has come this far, what could possibly stop him if he thinks that I am a danger to his reputation?

“Otis” was his only response.

“Otis?The man who shot Carl?” I ask confused, unable to understand what Otis has to do with this whole situation.

“Yep!According to Dale, the beautiful story Shane told about Otis' heroic deed is all a sham.He and Dale had an argument, Dale confessed his doubts about him.That in his opinion things hadn't gone the way Shane told them.He told him he saw him point a gun at Rick.And do you know what Shane did?”

I shake my head unable to speak, I feel my breath getting stuck in my throat.

“He threatened him.He made it clear to him that he wouldn't hesitate to kill him”

Glenn grips the steering wheel angrily, his knuckles white with tension.

Fuck.

I'm fucked up.

We all are.

Shane is out of control.

Now I no longer have any doubts.

If that man sees me as a threat he will have no qualms about putting a bullet in my brain.

In front of us the outlines of the farm become increasingly clear.

It's time to make a decision.

“I'll have your back, no matter what, Sum, but I'm still convinced that if we keep quiet about Shane, we'll get to the point where it'll be too late”

I chew my lower lip until I feel it bleed.

I know he's right but I can't get the idea out of my mind that the moment we decide to talk will be the beginning of the end.

As long as these people are willing to believe me.

Maybe I should leave.

I should consider my initial idea...that is, disappear from these people's lives.

“Just give me some time to understand.Let's keep it to ourselves for now, okay?”

Glenn shakes his head in defeat without saying a word.

He's upset, I can feel it.

I feel anxiety eating away at every cell in my body.

Glenn doesn't look at me, he avoids my worried gaze.

Once we arrive we get out of the car and without saying a word we unload all the supplies we found.

It was a pretty lucky run, we found some blankets, some canned food and a few packs of Tylenol.

And I also have everything Lori asked me.

I observe the sun in the sky, now close to setting.

In just an hour it will be dark.

I wonder if Daryl is back yet.

I wonder if he's okay.

With a thousand thoughts in my head buzzing like a swarm of crazy bees I head towards Lori's tent, hoping to find her there and above all to find her alone.

When I'm a few steps away from my goal, Lori's head pops out of her tent and after taking a quick look around with one hand she signals me to come closer.

Her eyes are focused on the floor of the tent as I take a step inside.

Without talking I hand her a brown paper bag and without even giving her time to thank me I leave.

Damn the moment I got involved in this whole damn thing, I think angrily but regretting it almost immediately.

Poor Lori.

It's not her fault after all.

She finds herself in a situation that I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy.

Without wasting any more time I head towards Dale's RV.

The man is with Andrea, together they are on guard duty on the roof of the vehicle.

"Hello people!Have you seen Carol?” I ask, waving my hand.

The two exchange a strange look.

What happens?

“Today wasn't a good day for her” Dale explains to me.

“After breakfast she locked herself in here and she didn't want to come out” continues Andrea, indicating the vehicle with a gesture of her fingers.

Poor Carol.

I nod as I enter inside.

The first thing I notice is the order.

Everything is spotless.

The plates and glasses shine, all lined up and tidy in the small kitchen.

It doesn't even feel like the same place I left this morning.

I walk towards the back of the RV and Carol is sitting on the bed.

Her eyes are red and swollen, a sign that not long ago, she was crying.

“Hey” I whisper, accompanying my greeting with a faint smile.

I rest my shoulder on the door frame crossing my arms across my chest, trying to keep all my shit together and not falling apart.

Carol looks up from the little towel she's mending.

“I cleaned up” she shrugs.

“For a second I thought I was in the wrong place” I reply to her making her smile.

But hers is a sad smile that doesn't reach her eyes.

“Sorry I didn't tell you about my trip to town with Glenn.I wanted to come and look for you but we were already late”

Mine is a little lie but at the moment I absolutely don't want to overload her already shattered nerves with the Shane thing.

Carol shakes her head placing what was in her hands behind her.

“Maggie told me about it.Don't worry”

I move closer to her and she makes room for me on the bed by patting a hand on the blanket next to her.

I sit down sighing.

For a moment my problems seem really insignificant.

Stupid.

Sitting here, next to a heartbroken mother, I understand how fundamentally the world hasn't changed that much.

Because despite death and fear for this new and disturbing world we will never stop worrying about those we love.

Even my mother on the edge of death, when the disease had taken over her weak body, did nothing but worry about me.

She didn't care that her days were now over, she just wanted to be sure that I would make it.

That I would have been fine.

There isn't much I can do to help Carol but I can try to distract her.

And maybe I even know how to do it.

I give her a light shove with my shoulder.

“You know, you were right.I have to thank you”

Her funny and confused look brings a smile to my face.

"About what?"

Her voice is a little hoarse, another sign that today she really gave vent to all her tears.

“I talked to Daryl”

Her big blue eyes dilate from surprise and a radiant smile appears on her face.

And this time it's a true smile.

"Really?And how did go?”

Now it's my turn to smile brightly.

I feel my cheeks tightening from how much I'm smiling.

Carol, seeing my reaction, straightens up on her back, clapping her hands together once.

“I want the details” she exclaims with conviction, tapping my knee with hers.

I think back to everything Daryl and I said to each other at the stable.

The way the skin of my fingers burned against his beautiful face.

The way his eyes lingered on my lips.

The way I felt him vibrate under my uncertain caress.

But I don't have time to tell her anything because the sound of footsteps catches our attention.

After a few moments we find the object of our discussion in front of our eyes.

Daryl.

"Can I?" he murmurs, placing his eyes first on Carol and then on me.

Without ever taking his eyes off mine, short-circuiting my heart, he reaches out to a small shelf where he places a bottle of beer from which two beautiful white flowers emerge.

“Flowers?” Carol asks slightly confused.

Daryl frees me from the prison that is his gaze to turn his attention to the woman beside me.

“They're Cherokee rose” he replies, taking a step in our direction and pointing to the flowers with his finger.

“The story is that when American soldiers were moving Indians off their land on the Trail of Tears, the Cherokee mothers were grieving and crying so much 'cause they were losing their little ones along the way from exposure and disease and starvation”

I am literally enchanted to listen to him.

The way he speaks, the intrinsic pain in his words unleashes a shower of shivers all over my skin.

Daryl pauses a little, wetting his lips.

His eyes, which until now had remained fixed on Carol, move back to my face.

And that's where they stay while he resumes his story.

“A lot of them just disappeared.So the elders, they said a prayer, asked for a sign to uplift the mothers' spirit, give them straight and hope”

My stomach twists and the wild beating of my heart resonates deafeningly in my head.

As much as Daryl is a man of few words and with a domineering manner, I never believed that he was a stupid redneck with no feelings.

This man is much more than he lets see.

It's just that he doesn't let just anyone in.

Carol stares blankly at the flowers.

As if she was trying not to break down.

“The next day this rose started to grow right where the mothers' tears fell” he concludes.

For a moment that seems infinite no one speaks.

Not a sound.

Daryl moves as if he's uncomfortable, nervously stuffing his hands in his jeans pockets while looking at the floor.

“I'm not fool enough to think there's any flowers blooming for my brother” whispers the archer almost imperceptibly.

Merle, I think.

Carol told me about him and how the story went.

It seems impossible that a guy like Merle could be related to a man as wonderful as Daryl.

From what I was told Merle Dixon was a real asshole.

Rough, racist and not inclined to civil life.

A scurrilous man of dubious morality.

How the youngest Dixon was so completely subjugated by his brother's presence that he too behaved like an absolute idiot.

I look at those blue eyes that I have come to know day after day and I can hardly believe it.

The man I know offered help to a complete stranger.

The man I know put his own group at risk by bringing aforesaid stranger into their safe place.

The man I know right now is looking at me with such intensity that it makes me melt.

I feel Carol trembling slightly next to me and when I turn around she is wiping tears away with her fingertips.

“But I believe that these flowers here have bloomed for your little girl.And for your mom” he concludes with a slight tremor in his voice, after which he turns his back on us and walks away with his head down.

I feel as if a cannon shot had hit me in the chest, preventing me from breathing.

I bring a hand to my chest, tightly gripping the fabric of my t-shirt.

He remembered.

I only mentioned her once and he remembered.

I had arrived at the farm only a few days ago and that evening, under Glenn and Carol's insistence, I had let myself be persuaded to have dinner with everyone else instead of continuing to eat my meals in the solitude of the RV.

Everyone chatted among themselves and I just remained silent with my gaze lowered.

Until Rick makes me a question, attracting everyone's attention.

But I didn't think that the handsome archer sitting apart from the rest of the group had paid attention to my words, at the time I thought he hated me.

I remember looking down at the sight of his gaze burning into me like the flames of the small fire crackling in front of us.

“And you Summer?What was your family like?”

There was no ulterior motive in Rick's question, no trick.

Just the curiosity to meet the new one.

I shrugged indifferently as I tried to muster up the strength to answer.

“My mother was very ill when shit hits the fan.By now it was almost impossible to find her medicines and my father left us to go look for something"

I fought with tears to stop them from flowing from my eyes.

I shrugged again.

“When he returned it was too late.Mom was gone and I…I had to do what had to be done.I couldn't let her turn”

I feel my head spinning.

The memory of her death and my gesture is still burned into my mind.

In my soul.

And it will remain there forever.

She was already dead when I grabbed the gun with a trembling hand.

The echo of that shot still haunts me.

For a moment I even thought about not doing it, about waiting for her to turn and take me away with her.

What made me change my mind?

The thought of my father alone in this new world brought sanity back to me.

We both knew that there would be nothing that could be done for mom but if I died too who would take care of him?

After all, it had always been him and I, Summer and dad against the world.

And it would always be that way.

Or at least that's what I thought...maybe if I had known that despite my presence dad was still lost I would have acted differently.

I would have saved myself others pains.

I wouldn't have found myself in this situation, with my head full of fears and my heart full of feelings that I can't name.

Maybe it would have been easier for everyone.

I bring my knees to my chest, hugging them with my arms.

I feel like I'm losing myself.

Carol's hand rests on my back.

“What's going on Summer?”

Her voice sounds worried in this narrow space.

I realize I'm crying only when my friend's free hand rests on my cheek, wiping away my tears with the tip of her thumb.

I rest my cheek on my knees turning my face in her direction.

“He remembered.I only talked about her once.And he remembered it.I didn't even think he was listening to me” I whisper sniffing.

Carol's sweet smile invades my field of vision.

“Oh honey, that's where you're wrong.Daryl is a very attentive man, especially towards those who catch his attention”

I snort through the tears, letting her smile infect me.

“C'mon tell me everything and don't leave out any details.I need gossip to distract me”

I laugh heartily.

“You won't stop asking me, will you?” I tease her by straightening my back and crossing my legs.

Carol imitates my gestures.

“Oh, what kind of people do you think I am?Of course I'll stop.I'll stop when you spill the beans”

And so, as if I were in the company of my best friend and not a woman I just met, I decide to open my heart to her.

What could happen anyway?

My soul is already torn into a thousand pieces and perhaps this new friendship could help me soothe my wounds a little.

When we leave the RV the moon is already high in the sky and in the distance we can hear the others intent on preparing dinner in front of the fire.

When we reach the rest of the group we are surrounded by waving hands and big smiles.

And honestly after this endless day they are truly a balm for the soul.

Carol smiles at me and then walks away to join Lori and Rick.

After taking a look around I decide to sit in one of the few remaining free seats and I am immediately joined by Glenn who sits to my right.

At first his gaze wanders along the large field in front of us and then with a sigh he turns towards me.

After that little argument in the car we never spoke to each other again, each of us convinced of our own reasons and this makes me sad.

“You good?” he asks me softly, pushing me with his shoulder.

A smile slowly blossoms on his serious face.

He forgave me after all.

I smile back, resting my head on his shoulder.

“Yes, I'm good” I reply in a whisper that only he can hear.

Slowly the plates of food begin to arrive and, helping each other, we pass them around.

After not even a bite I hear a rustle of clothes followed by the silhouette of a man sitting right in front of me, on the other side of the fire.

Before I can focus on his features, Glenn stiffens next to me.

There is only one person who can trigger such a reaction in the delivery boy.

Shane.

So I look up and through the fire I see him.

His eyes bore directly into my mind.

His empty, deep eyes make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I try to ignore the sense of discomfort this man causes me by trying to concentrate on the plate in front of me.

Shane for his part begins to eat calmly, often shifting his attention to me, as if he were controlling my every movement.

My every breath.

As if he was waiting for the right moment to catch me out and take advantage of the situation to turn it against me.

When Andrea catches his attention I take the opportunity to talk to Glenn.

“Please be less obvious.If you keep staring at him with this frown he'll understand that you know something about what happened” I hiss in his direction trying to tame the trembling of my hands.

And as if Shane sensed my fear he looked back at me.

Is anyone really noticing?

Why does no one seem to be aware of this man's strange behaviours?

I think  losing even my last bit of appetite letting my gaze wander towards the other diners and then returning it to the man in front of me.

I start fiddling with my meal, which consists of canned beans, dragging it from one side of the plate to the other.

Suddenly something changes in Shane's gaze as he abandons my figure and focuses on something behind me.

His gaze hardens and his jaw clenches.

After a few moments I feel a large calloused hand resting on the bare skin of my shoulder, making me shiver unconsciously.

The long legs of the archer appear in my peripheral vision and without much hesitation he sits down next to me.

His fingers slide from my shoulder to rest on my wrist, very close to my hand.

His grip tightens slightly before letting me go.

What does it mean?

Confused by his blatant gesture, I turn to Glenn looking for his help but the boy has his nose almost immersed in his plate and he is eating with a little too much enthusiasm, as if he was trying to finish as soon as possible.

“Ya gotta a problem?”

Daryl's threatening growl attracts everyone's attention, making me feel nauseous.

And I don't need to look to understand who he's talking to.

My gaze moves quickly between Shane and Daryl as Daryl pushes his body a little more in my direction, as if he's trying to hide me from Shane's sight.

Instinctively with a look that could kill I search for Glenn's eyes.

That traitor has spoken.

If possible Glenn tries to make himself even smaller.

Damn it.

My hands begin to sweat from agitation.

The situation could escalate at any moment if I don't decide to intervene.

Very calmly I place my hand on Daryl's thigh, barely sinking my fingers into his turgid muscle, tense with tension.

As much as his words seem carelessly thrown under my trembling fingers I can feel all the nervousness in him.

“Daryl?” I try to get his attention by calling him in a faint voice but he doesn't even seem to notice me.

He's in defender mode right now and I'm sure nothing can stop his fury but the last thing I want is to start a fight between the two men.

I'm not worried about Daryl, he's strong, but I'm worried about Shane.

His unpredictability scares me.

So determined to put an end to whatever is going on I gamble more.

I move my hand from his thigh to his face.

I press it against his cheek, forcing him to turn towards me.

His nostrils quiver dilated while his sharp and subtle gaze is full of hatred.

Remaining in this position, and praying to any deity in existence that no one is witnessing this, I wait for Daryl to calm down.

His breath comes out in puffs from his nostrils as if he's controlling himself, as if he's making sure his demons remain within him.

After an indefinite infinity of time, his breathing slows down, his lips part slightly and in his eyes the storm gives room for the calm.

The black of his dilated pupils narrow, making again that beautiful blue the predominant color.

I remain enchanted by such wonder.

“Please Daryl” I beg him desperately, turning my head so that only he can see me, I turn my back even on Shane.

I don't know what Daryl sees in my eyes because after a while he nods.

I smile with satisfaction and straighten up and offer him my plate, now my appetite is just a distant memory.

"Are you hungry?" I ask kindly, my voice still shaking.

Daryl nods again, grabbing my plate of food in his large hands and before starting to eat he casts another brief grim glance towards Shane who, looking at us with curiosity, gets up and decides to leave.

I let go the breath I hadn't even realized I was holding.

Now Shane knows that I have spoken and I can calmly say that my peace has just ended.

Daryl's interference has marked the end of this stressful emotional fast and loose.

Shit.

Daryl eats his meal without looking at me anymore, giving me the chance to collect myself and think about how I should behave now.

First of all I'm obviously going to kick Glenn's ass for betraying me.

Even though...even though I'll never admit it but I'm relieved.

I'm happy.

Happy because Daryl stood up for me, without even asking me for explanations.

Without wanting to hear my side of the story.

He's on my side no matter what.

And the usual stubborn butterflies flutter between my heart and my stomach.

I raise my hand to my lips, nervously chewing on my fingertips.

At my side a movement distracts me from the turmoil stirring inside me.

Daryl stretches his long legs in front of him and then bends his knees and with a light push gets back to his feet.

His work here is temporarily over so he has no reason to stay.

I can already taste the sorrow on the tip of my tongue.

“Move”

His command is a gentle whisper in my ears and without giving my brain time to process a response my body precedes it, getting up and trotting after him like a faithful little dog.

Behind me I can see a small glimpse of Carol's face.

She is obviously smiling as she watches me disappear into the darkness along with the archer.

I follow him without having the courage to speak, to ask him where we are going.

But would it really matter to me after all?

If he asked me to follow him to the end of the world I would do it...

I continue to march in silence following the sound of his boots trampling the grass with excessive violence.

I risk a glance in his direction and I can swear I can sense a change in his attitude.

His figure is rigid, his steps full of agitation.

I look back at the ground, digging my nails into the palms of my hands.

What happens now?

Are we back to where we were before our little chats this morning?

God, it seems like an eternity has passed instead of a handful of hours.

Too many emotions in too little time.

I only stop when I hit something hard.

I bounce back as if my body had hit a wall of pure concrete.

When I look up in front of me there is a furious Daryl and yet his hands on my upper arms are delicate while he holds me back to prevent me from ending up with my ass on the ground.

His grip intensifies.

“Wha' the hell have ya done?” he growls, raising an eyebrow.

His low, angry tone makes my toes curl.

Why does he assume it's my fault?

If the matter causes him so much discomfort, why should he take my side so openly?

I try to free myself from his grip but in response his fingers tighten even more.

I will definitely have some marks tomorrow.

“What did Glenn tell you?” I reply with a question to give me time to collect my thoughts.

Daryl lets me go and goes to sit next to his tent grabbing his knife from his holster and starting to work on a bolt.

Instinctively I bring my hands where his were until a few moments ago.

“He just asked me to keep an eye on Shane.Nothin' else”

I look at him with disbelief.

Did he turn against Shane without knowing the real motivation?

I soften, melting like snow in the sun.

Since I found myself catapulted into this world, it is the first time that someone has taken care of me without being forced to do so in some way.

I join him sitting next to him.

Our shoulders barely touch.

“You shouldn't have, Daryl” I murmur, absentmindedly plucking a few blades of grass and twisting them between my fingers.

In response he snorts.

I shrug, finally deciding to speak.

“Shane told me to shut my mouth”

The sound of the knife scraping against the wood of the bolt is the only noise around us.

“Did ya find out 'bout him and Lori?”

I'm not surprised that he knows.

As Carol told me before, even though it doesn't seem like it, Daryl is very attentive to everything around him.

The noise stops, a sign that Daryl is no longer working on his weapons.

But this time the silence doesn't weigh, it's almost pleasant.

I know he's watching me, I can feel the weight of his gaze on me so I nod in response to his question.

After a few more minutes of silence I feel his hand rest gently on my head.

I turn to look for his eyes and find them staring at me, a look full of sweetness that I have never seen on him.

Hesitant, his fingers slide across my face, a caress at the tip of his fingers just like I caressed him this morning in the stable.

“Why didn't ya come to me right away?”

This is a good question.

Why didn't I do it?

Well I already know the answer.

“I don't want to cause problems.I...I don't want to leave this place”

I don't want to leave you.

And as much as I would never like to abandon his gaze, I do so, lowering mine onto my hands ruined by days spent running away and killing.

Daryl lifts my chin with two fingers, forcing me to look at him again.

Jesus.

I can feel his breath breaking on my face, I can smell the tobacco coming out of his parted lips.

I would only need to bring my face a few inches closer and I could kiss him.

I could find out if his lips, always full of such harsh words, could be soft and compliant.

I close my eyes overwhelmed by the flow of my thoughts.

What the hell is wrong with me?

“Yer no a problem, Summer”

My name rolling around his tongue makes me gasp but in a completely pleasant way.

“I would never let anyone hurt ya.As long as I have the chance I will do everythin' to make ya stay here with us”

Here with you, it is here with you that I would really like to stay, a corner of my subconscious murmurs.

Because as much as I get along well with the rest of these people, it's not just with them that I would like to stay.

Not just for Carol or Glenn.

Just for him.

But obviously I will keep this little secret to myself.

He doesn't need to know.

I can't expose him to any more dangers.

So I reluctantly move away from his grasp, putting some distance between me and his gentle touch.

Daryl brings his hand back to his lap and if my gesture bothered him he doesn't show it.

But there is one question that I can't keep to myself.

"Why?"

Daryl looks at me carefully, studying every detail of my face.

I watch him as he nervously chews the inside of his cheek.

He might pretend not to understand my question.

He could elude it.

But in his gaze I perceive the exact moment of his surrender.

He closes his eyes bending his head back and resting it on the trunk of the tree behind him.

“I dunno” he murmurs in a sigh.

“The only thing I know 's tha' from the moment I saw ya in tha' woods I had no choice.And today I still feel like I don't have it”

Taken by a moment of courage I rest my head on his shoulder, surrendering to my heart and to his sweet words.

Daryl tenses but I can slowly feel him relax.

“ 's frustrating” he grunts, making me burst out laughing.

His arm wraps around my shoulders pulling me a little closer to him.

“Shut up pretty eyes” he murmurs with his lips pressed against my temple.

I know, in my heart, that I want to stay like this forever and I hate the idea of ruining this moment but the words fall from my lips without control.

“You don't know me”

“And ya don't know me”

Exactly.

The problem is precisely this.

This strange attraction between us is illogical, completely irrational and yet it seems that neither of us can stay away from the other.

A philosophy lesson from when I was still in high school comes to my mind.

One day Professor Trevon told us about the myth of Plato's apple.

Once upon a time, men were perfect beings, they lacked nothing and there was no distinction between men and women.

But Zeus, envious of such perfection, split them in two: since then each of us has been in constant search of our own half, finding which we return to the ancient perfection.

Plato believed that love is suffering and there can be a way out: finding your soul mate.

The living being is nothing more than half of two individuals divided at the beginning by Zeus who separated them to leave them in search of each other.

It is precisely from here that the idea of soul mates comes from, the one that constantly pushes us to search for someone who can complete us.

This is what myths are for, to explain values, to understand the inexplicable, to give it concreteness and if the myth of the halves may appear bloody, it does nothing more than teach us how in life only suffering can lead us to the realization of the greatest desires of the soul, just like love, the real one.  Although as someone else would say, suffering is a disposable void.

Professor Trevon's voice booms in my head as if he were standing in front of me right now.

If this state is the most perfect, then necessarily in the situation we find ourselves in today the best thing is to try to get as close as possible to perfection: to meet the closest soul, and fall in love with it.

As Daryl's scent fills my head and my heart I find myself thinking that perhaps we are kindred souls.

Ancient halves dispersed in space and time, halves that have sailed seas of suffering and pain, only to find themselves at the end of the world.

Too romantic?

Maybe...

But nowadays I think we still need to believe in something.

And that something for me could be him.

Or is it just all in my head, I think closing my eyes and enjoying this small and infinite moment of peace.

Please share, comment and rate ❤️

Taglist

🔥 Masterlist 🔥

@deansapplepie

[visualtaehyun]

Tagged by @thegalwhorants here, thank you dear ✨ I love musical tag games but this might be the first time I've answered one where the results are extremely telling about me lmao

Shuffle your On Repeat playlist and then list the first ten songs!

Next Love by BADMIXY

P'Mix's MVs are always super fun and unapologetically queer and I love her as a songwriter! This song is actually over two years old but I first listened to it after ฟ้ารักพ่อ (DILF) went viral and she came out with her debut album that included this song. But I'm pretty sure I became properly obsessed with it after hearing the RnB arrangement that (surprise surprise 🤡) ZeeNuNew performed during the DMDLand2 concert. Also wanna shoutout that time New and P'Erk Chrrissa covered it together during a live session because it made me hope P'Mix might one day write a song for New!

ไหล่เธอ (You've Got Ma Back) by Fourth Nattawat, Ford Arun, Satang Kittiphop, Winny Thanawin

I love this show and the entire OST! Could I have just linked the official MV? Why yes of course, but that wouldn't showcase the chaotic energy of the MSP gang as well lol (if the video doesn't start at the timestamp, it begins at 8:45!)

Get A Guitar by RIIZE

Now this one's a real wildcard lmao It is literally the only song on my On Repeat that isn't written or performed by a Thai artist! I came across it through a KPop random dance vid so obviously I had to link the Studio Choom performance. The choreo is so fun and, to this day, some of my favorite KPop songs are funky just like this one. I don't know who this group is btw (like I literally only found out through this tag game that they're an SM group lol) since I stopped following KPop artists and trends when I fell into my lil Thai and QL corner here so sorry if I sound like your typical clueless local now 😂

รักแท้ (True Love) by NuNew

He's performed this song countless times by now but I chose this one in particular because it was such a huge stage and opportunity for New 🥹 The official MV currently sits at 68 million views btw

ภาพสุดท้าย (Last Twilight) by William Jakrapatr

Y'all. I was so obsessed with this song. Like I literally know the entire lyrics by heart. Since Pal reminded me of Piano & i, I had to go with this performance! :) I'm really looking forward to William's upcoming series - I love LYKN and Est Supha and am sure the OST is gonna be incredible.

꽃이 피는데 필요한 몇 가지 (Blooming Just For You) by NuNew, Paul Kim

The first time he performed this song live 💕

How You Feel by NuNew

Have I mentioned NuNew is my favorite artist 555 This is the song that did me in - it's the first song by a Thai artist that I added on Spotify after getting into QL via KPop -> DKZ -> Semantic Error -> other KBLs -> "Oh, let's watch another popular BL on Viki"... and now I'm here waffling on about Thai language and music lol

ใจรัก by Zee Pruk

P'Zee recently said he didn't enjoy singing before he met New but that he's found joy in it after singing with him a lot. And he's improved so much! My favorite will always be when he sings ballads and love songs like this one though. (fyi this song is like 40 years old so you might have heard it covered by other artists before)

ประตูวิเศษ (Better Days) by Jimmy Jitaraphol, Sea Tawinan

Aaaand check for another song off the Last Twilight soundtrack that I was obsessed with! What can I say, I'm a P'Amp fangirl lol The lyrics are lovely, it's easy listening, and this show occupied my brain for months.

ก้อนหินกับดวงดาว (Rock & Star) by Fourth Nattawat

Love this scene, love Chinzhilla, love these lyrics, I'm repeating myself lol you get the gist, it's a banger!

___

To sum up- 7/10 are OSTs, 5/10 were written by Amp Achariya, and 3/10 are by NuNew (+2 more made me talk about him). So now that I've been publicly clowned by my own Spotify, I'm tagging (no pressure ofc): @zimmbzon @pharawee @airenyah @telomeke @rocketturtle4 and whoever sees this and goes Oh hell yeh an excuse to talk about my fav music!

[wtheckzukasubs]

Why I've been away

I've been postponing this post for reasons of having to write it, and I'm glad I didn't do it before because it would have probably sounded much worse.

You've probably noticed I haven't been releasing much, and for the same reason I haven't been replying most of the messages I get, so I thought I should be more honest with all of you.

Be warned for drama, or just skip to the end for the news. Or just scroll down to the next post.

Of course the state of Takarazuka doesn't make me so happy. Even if we don't touch the elephant in the room since the end of September, so many of my favorites are leaving this year. Sora is taidaning at this very moment actually. People leaving without having been able to shine their most is just the bitterest part of this, though Sora still got to do a whole lot, unlike my other favorites leaving. Too bad she had her chance too late for more. From time to time, Takarazuka makes me feel like it doesn't want me following, and with everything happening irl, it's even harder. However, that hasn't been the reason for my distance from here.

I haven't been well in my mind. I wasn't fine before because of how unstable my job was and how I couldn't find something else no matter how many resumés I sent out, and then I eventually did lose my job, and still couldn't get anything. It's been almost a year now. A whole year of questioning my whole life path, of trying to follow each advice and still not get anything. So yeah, I'm far far far from being well. I'm lucky enough I get to live with my parents even if that is also some curse when you don't have an alternative when it becomes too much. I'll stop here because you probably got the picture already and this is making my mind go places.

And no, I'm not here to ask for money lol Anyway, everyone in the fandom already helps me enough with anything I ask. I'm really grateful!

The intention is to first, let you know I'm not gone. I busy like crazy trying to stay together, and the times I'm not, I'm simply drained from living my life. So even if I did have projects I could be working on, I can't do it as much as when I was feeling better. For you to have an idea of how my rhythm has been, Yukinojo was the only one I did since I lost my job. However, I also still don't have the resources to fulfill the commitments I've made—Blackjack, missing the closed captions because Sky Stage never shows it, and Flügel, missing the script—so there is that too. It's the reason I dared try Yukinojo actually. (Though deep down I'm just too sad about Reiko's taidan to be going actively after it all...)

In sum, here's the state of things,

Blackjack - waiting for Sky Stage to get it back from war

Flügel - I don't have the script yet

Hoshi's Memy - some have asked me if I'll do this one. Hibiscus is already working on adapting the subs, so I'm gladly sitting out lol

Hanafubuki, Koi Fubuki - I've checked these subs so long ago and I still haven't gotten myself to work on the release. Shame on me.

Ai, Futatsu (from Yukigeshiki) - I was timing the Koma version to Chigi's so I could check them and see if I could get some more words, as I've done this by ear, then I ended up changing so much of the translation I'll have to retime them back to Koma's. Who knows when that'll happen... Even though it's just an hour long show, the lines are sooooo long and quick and crazy, speeding the video up to time faster won't do.

Prisoners of the Lilac Walls - unless you like checking my Next page, this will probably be news to you, but I've been low-key wanting to work on it for a long time. Now I've finally fulfilled my dream of finishing Yukinojou, I thought I could try this one. I'm doing Teru's version (the Bow one) solely by ear. I'm far enough to know I will release it so just have to cross your fingers I don't need to fanfic my way out of the ???'s. Despite the Nazi parts, it's a nice story, and I fell in love with Beni and Otoha since the first time I watched this. I know it's years too late, but I hope you can see what I saw.

Next? I've got my eyes on this or that, but I'm always hoping someone else will do it instead, so I'd better not say it and let others thinking I'm claiming anything.

Anyway, thank you a lot for following this blog, for your words, for your reblogs, for your messages. I'll do my best not procrastinate replying.

[quills-of-freedom]

Slow dance with ~

Reiner Braun ❤

If this song doesn't sum up Reiner, his situation and his feelings for you, I'll eat my hat & shoes.

My actual heart, though.

"I'll be there as soon as I can, But I'm busy mending broken, pieces of the life I had before... Before you..."

"You could be my unintended choice, to live my life extended, you, could be the one i'll always love..."

Reiner didn't know which was worse; the fact he betrayed you all those years ago, or that he was still desperately in love with you. Not once did you leave his thoughts for longer than a day at a time, no matter what he had going on. Still plagued with haunting nightmares of you trying to kill him in Shiganshina, he didn't think he'd ever have the honour of speaking with you again. But with everything that's happened and the world now at peace... maybe now he can bring his retribution to an end - because the last four years have been nothing but torment.

The burden of guilt weighed heavy on his back and more than once has he wanted to just end his suffering by his own hand.

He's seen a lot over the years. Pain. Suffering. Death. Betrayal.

But nothing scares him more than the idea you had no love left for him, that you still couldn't forgive him for what he did. He wouldn't blame you, of course. But nothing terrifies an atheist more than the concept of death, and without you, there was nothing after it all. It was all for nothing. Without you, it's just a desolate void.

He remembers falling for you so hard back in cadets. What started as a little crush catching fire and smouldering into full blown love, the inferno like a whirlwind out of control as he tried to calm his racing thoughts about you, knowing all too well it wasn't going to end well. But when he started to forget; when everything mushed together into one reality or the other, was when he had totally gotten lost within himself. And there you were, always there to hold him up when the weight was too much. So of course he was going to call out to your out-reached hand of unconditional admiration and adoration.

The celebrations at the palace were bitter-sweet. Yes, the war was over. Yes, an age of peace had finally begun.

But to the loss of so many lives.

One including many of your friends.

The cruel irony that you could now experience true freedom, by the death of your best friend, of whom, you'd promised you'd both traverse the world together. The innocent childhood glint behind your eyes forever extinguished - replaced by grief.

Eren was dead.

Mikasa. Gone.

No one knew where she'd went. But all that was left now was the gratitude from the people you'd saved. A pointless goal of nothing awaited you. No more fighting, no more dreaming.

You'd all been granted your medals of outstanding service at a ceremony and now as the party begins to extinguish of voices and laughter, Reiner was alone on the terrace. The floor-to-ceiling grand windows illuminating his back as he leans upon the stone balustrade, the cold nip in the air not deterring the exhausted veteran.

"Reiner?"

His heart skips a beat.

He recognised that voice, and would for the rest of his days.

The voice he was terrified of forgetting the sound of. The sweet song of praise that were your vocals.

He turns to see you in your beautiful dress standing at the grand over-the-top door to the ballroom.

"Sorry, I didn't think anyone was out here. It's so bright in there I couldn't see outside." You explain as you go to join him for some fresh air.

"It's alright." Is all he can manage to vocalise over his now trembling body.

He was a fine sight in his suit although the night had taken its toll, his blazer gone and tie loosened, white sleeves pushed up his large forearms. He gazed ahead into the inky blackness of the evening, the dark void where all traumas and nightmares lay in wait.

"I guess a congratulation is in order." You hum. "The fighting is finally over. And you're no longer a titan, right?"

"Right." He affirms with a nod, nervously twiddling his fingers over the balustrade.

"It's strange. We should feel happy, right? So, why don't I feel happy?"

He glances at your pleading eyes, pleading for some wisdom he didn't have. He didn't have it because he was in the same boat.

"I don't know." He swallows, returning his head to face ahead of him. "I guess the loss was too great."

His heart was breaking all over again.

He could feel your pain seeping from your being. That empty pain behind your eyes much like the pair he sees in the mirror everyday. You had always been too precious for this world. And now it was finally all said and done, you couldn't even enjoy it. He knew how much Eren and Mikasa meant to you.

And Sasha.

And Marco.

"y/n, i'm sorry." He mutters. "I'm not the best person to be talking to about this."

"You promised me, right?" Her tone quivers as the song inside changes to a slow-paced tune to begin to draw a close to the evening. "Five years ago. That you'll always be there for me?"

His lips part and he turns to face you, his equally pained orbs searching yours for any hint of a cruel joke.

But there wasn't any.

All he could see were the burning cinders of innocence cruelly pillaged by events that were not by your own doing.

"And you're back now, aren't you?" You continue, filling in his silence as he is lost for words. "Aren't you?"

A tear streams down your cheek, the lachrymose proving to be too much.

Without a word, he pulls you into his chest, his arms that have longed and ached for you for so long, now finally holding you once more as he holds your head against his solid chest, holding you up as you crumble.

"The world is cruel. But it's also beautiful..." You whisper in memory of your friend, your eyes clasping shut as the pain in your chest becomes more intense.

He inhales you before resting his cheek on top of your head, his eyes pleading as he slowly cradles you from side to side. Your skin. Your heart. Your scent. God he'd missed it all.

You had always been the one to hold his chin high when all was lost. And now, he can finally do the same for you.

With a sniffle, you slide your hands up and over his shoulders as he continues to rock slowly, his hands instinctively resting upon your waist as you both begin to dance slowly to the low tune bellowing from within the palace.

His warmth radiates over you; he may no longer hold the power of the nine titans, but you could still feel his great strength and iron will beneath his flesh, as he holds you as if you would be snatched away if he let go for a second.

"I still love you, y/n." He whispers with a dry mouth.

What did he really have to lose?

"I know." She breathes. "I still love you too."

The indescribable amount of pain that has stripped you bare over the years did not show any signs of relenting anytime soon. But now at least... you have Reiner back. Maybe you could begin new dreams. Together.

[primal-con]

Mkay my brain is working a bit better today so thoughts on Mirage! Namely his inclusion in the movie instead of Jazz and his change in personality

Rise of the Beasts spoilers below the cut✌️

Now like a lot of folks, when I first saw the trailer I was insanely pumped because I thought Mirage was Jazz. I think we all kinda saw the silver Porsche and lost our minds, and of course, I'm still bummed that we didn't get Jazz because I love him dearly and miss him more than words can express. But! Having seen the movie and had time to chew it over, here're my thoughts on Mirage's character in RotB.

So a lot of initial thoughts regarding the choice to include Mirage, and a very different Mirage at that, rather than Jazz, were of course very valid. But I think ultimately while I would've loved for Jazz to have been there, I understand why they didn't go with him. Cause tbh if everything about the movie had been the same except they called Mirage Jazz, I wouldn't have been happy.

While yes, on the surface RotB Mirage seems really similar to G1 Jazz, they're actually really different in the ways that count. Jazz is bright, sociable, charismatic, and more in tune with Earth culture than most bots. RotB Mirage is also a lot of those things! But the key difference is that for Jazz, that personality is a facade. He's an incredibly grim, ruthless person who's seen a lot and is capable of a lot of terrible things, and he uses that trustworthy persona to mask that and make people more comfortable around him.

Mirage comes off as much more genuine in his naivete. He seems legitimately young, impulsive, and vying for adventure. He does things cause they sound fun, not because he thinks it's a smart idea in the long run. The sad things hiding underneath his bright personality don't come from brutal experience and calculated manipulation, they come from a genuine loneliness and desire to explore the world around him. In a lot of ways he plays a similar role to Bumblebee in most other TF media, the naive young optimist who wants to see the best in people and be a hero. Which narratively makes sense considering Bee was out of commission for most of the movie. He's not necessarily stupid, he's just not wise, and that comes from a lack of experience compared to his so-called "hardass" peers. He sees the other bots as boring and overly serious which contributes to his desire to keep Noah on the team. He wants Someone who he can relate to, someone who's a little closer to him personality-wise, and he doesn't feel like his older and more grim teammates can fill that role.

Which I think also contributes to his likability! Because like I said, Mirage is so genuine. He doesn't usually think things through so everything he says is so honest and unfiltered. I love Jazz because of his complexity and how compelling that facade is to his character, but I ended up loving Mirage because he doesn't feel the need for a mask at all.

I think generally the choice to change Mirage's personality from his G1 characterization was because the writers didn't want too many serious characters? At least that's how it felt watching the movie. I mean even Bumblebee comes off as older and more mature than Mirage. And Transformers is very fond of its goofy, unserious kid-appeal characters who are closest to the token humans. I'm cool with it mainly because big changes between generations are pretty common and this wouldn't be the first or even the wildest change of pace from one appearance to the next. As for why Mirage and not another character, who really knows. Probably the fact that he hasn't had much of an established personality in any of his rare TV appearances. And using a known name is usually easier than making a whole new character, just fan-attachment-wise.

Anyways, sum total thoughts: I liked him! And the movie's enjoyable if you don't go taking it too seriously, though that could be said about most things. It's also better with a friend! It's no ground-breaking cinema, it's an action franchise movie and exactly what you'd expect from one. But the characters have chemistry and personality and that's usually what matters to me. So yeah, all nitpicks aside it's a net positive from me!

[olderthannetfic]

I feel like I keep seeing antis/anti-leaning people claim that proshippers are against discussions of racism in fandom. Obviously there is the basic bad faith interpretation (deliberate slander), which I'm not inherently against, but do you have any idea if there's a potential good faith interpretation of why they think this? Is there a specific fandom where the proshippers are actually yelling at the antiracists?

--

I get this question all the time, which is ironic since I tend to be public enemy #1 for the "AO3 is racist" crowd. (Or maybe they've moved on by now. I don't really keep up with them.)

No, there is no good faith interpretation. It's recycled Star Wars wank from 2015, SamSteve vs. Stucky wank from the same period, etc. etc.

The "anti-racists" in question include a lot of big names who should know better. Their central arguments boil down to:

The demographics of which characters get shipped and/or written about on AO3 are racist.

A lot of individual fics about characters of color on AO3 are racist.

AO3's refusal to "listen" and then censor is racist.

Fans of color "need" to be able to speak up about fic that is racist... in that fic's comments.

It's all ass-backwards because it focuses on the needs of the reader to find the content they want, which is content creator influencer hell, not the writer-focused AO3 approach.

The whole point of AO3-style fandom is that everyone has access to posting, and you can write what you want. Want more fics about your fave? Write them.

There are individual AO3 fics I find racist, but the vast majority of the discourse around the site focuses on things like writers who ship the black dude but use him as a prop boyfriend and not the single perfect tear woobie who's obviously their favorite. Is the pattern racist? Well, yeah, but you won't solve it by trying to restrict those fics. And the extreme form of this turns into a cliched top/bottom shipwar, which just makes everyone involved look like a moron.

Teaching people how to write their tops with personalities is far more likely to make the collective fic in a fandom less racist than demanding that they switch which pairing dynamic they're into. Making more original media where the man of color is the woobie in the first place would also help.

Plenty of the discourse is crying that such-and-such a m/m ship is super popular on AO3, temple of m/m, while gen about characters of color or some particular het ship with a nonwhite character is less popular. "Why don't you ship het instead of m/m" is a gigantic red flag for people who refuse to understand libido or accept it as a valid reason for anything.

A lot of the discourse is anti-kink despite lying about this fact. "Boo hoo hoo, I for sure psychically know who's a racist white person and who's a kinky black person whose id doesn't match up with mine!" etc.

There's also a lot of "This fic is race kink!" nonsense thrown around about any fic where a man of color has a big dick, as though penis size by itself is the racist cliche often summed up as "big black cock" and as though all ethnicities and nationalities are subject to identical stereotypes. This garbage gets uncritically repeated by newly-minted "woke" people falling over themselves to correct hundreds of years of injustice by yelling at others for a couple of days on twitter.

This is where the "you're calling me an anti to silence me" garbage comes from. Sound like a kink-hater, get treated as one.

AO3 does have bullying problems by now, and the various blocking and muting features were overdue. They are now being implemented, which is great. Anyone with half a brain cell should see that these are key anti-racist measures so that people can block idiots who write fic they hate or who leave shitty comments...

But a certain number of jackasses complain even about that because it will ~silence fans of color~ who need to go tell someone they're a racist in their fic comments.

These dumbass arguments have been circulating for years at this point, so the talking points have boiled down to catch phrases.

--

Damn right I'm against "discussion" when it means telling everyone that only white people would like nasty kink.

When the whiny "plz censor AO3" crowd stops sounding exactly like that asshole who used "freaks of color" in a past discussion about these kinds of things and when they're ready to discuss how to write extreme kink about their faves non-racistly without reducing the kinkiness, then I will be ready to listen to their arguments.

But they have none other than "write the kind of fic I like!"

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

Sorry if this sounds like a stupid question but I'm confused about the whole embodiment and their opposite deal. Like does Dream embody both dreams and reality or does Death embody both life and death and so on or is it more like an influence thing? Like dreams influencing reality but Dream not being an embodiment of reality. Sorry again if it sound like a stupid question but it just confuses me so much.

no questions are stupid questions! even if i don't always get round to answering everything i get sent (i try, but it's always a little reliant on whether my brain cooperates with me), i do want everyone to know i will never judge you or look down on you for asking questions, even if you think the answer's obvious

so, correct me if i'm wrong, but i think this is mostly about everything destruction says at the end of brief lives about the endless and their opposites? and maybe also how the fandom has taken it from there

as far as the in canon conversation about this goes, destruction doesn't use the word embody, he uses the word define. death defines life, destiny defines free will, destruction defines creation, dream defines reality, and so on.

to use the most bare bones metaphor for this, think of it like light and shadow. they exist where the other isn't. it's why it's such a popular metaphor for everything, because they are a zero sum equation. the more light, the less shadow, and vice versa

if you take a torch and you move it around, you're only moving the light source, that's all you have physical control over. but because it's a zero sum equation, you're also deciding where the shadow is. which is exactly how the endless work. death may not control where life is, but she controls where life isn't, which when you take a step back is kind of the same thing. when someone doesn't have a destiny, they have a choice. despair has just as much control over hope as dream does, because dreams can create it and despair can destroy it, as we see in three septembers and a january. some of the others are a bit more complicated to explain, or we don't actually know for sure what their opposite is, but that's the essence of how they define their opposite

as far as embodiment goes, the endless don't always embody their opposite? but they do sometimes, in a similar negative space kind of way, because (with the exception of delirium) they don't experience their own aspect

destiny has no path of his own, he lives in a realm of eternal choices. death will never die, and she deals with that by living to her fullest

you can take the opposite of desire two different ways, either hatred or indifference, but i'd say they've got a good helping of both

dream has no dreams of his own, he doesn't let himself - as far as he is concerned, he is the only being in the universe without a story (and yes he does fail to see the irony even when the reader of the comics are themselves a character in the comic), and god knows he's got no hopes for his future. not necessarily embodying reality, but he's certainly embodying the opposite of dreaming!

now, the reason i say he's not necessarily embodying reality, is because i think destruction was slightly wrong. i recommend reading this meta if you want me to break it down fully, because i can't really say it better here than i already did there

but to sum up - reality can mean a few different things. if we take reality to mean the waking world, the things that people experience when they're awake, then sure, dream only defines that because he controls dreams, and when people see the difference between dreams and the waking world, that's what makes them act to change it

but we also use reality to mean the truest state of something, a thing without lies or delusions or places to hide. and this is where a lot of confusion can lie - because that is dream's purview. you can't lie in a dream, or pretend to be something else. dreams are helpful because they show you your truest self, and then its up to you to decide what to do about that. its why he builds nightmares like the corinthian, to show people the parts of themselves they can't face, because only through facing the lies that scare you will you be able to get rid of them. and so in that sense, dream doesn't embody reality at all. he embodies lying to yourself. and as anyone who's read the comic is aware, he definitely definitely does

[satancopilotsmytardis]

""Everyone else sucks!" Magne says cheerfully." I think this sums up how you write the League's attitude pretty well, lol.

Though Toga is so sweet. She finally finds people who accept her quirk and are willing to give her blood as if it doesn't mean anything, as if it doesn't mean the world to Toga (they do know, they know now) and I love that for her.

"Dabi wishes he could take some of the work from his shoulders" They're so sweet. Especially with how much you make sure the reader knows Dabi does take off of Shigaraki's shoulders. Even here, when as a cat he can't work as much, he's helping.

I love Compress. Without Dabi, he's the second in command and he fills that position well. Of course Onigiri is actually first but since we don't count that...

Shigaraki arguing with his cat over said cat's drinking habits is funny as fuck. No wonder Compress thinks Onigiri is some kind of nomu.

The designer sounds fun! The thing about fashion! Yes! Absolutely! Especially since they're UA gym uniforms you'd think they would be fireproof, but no. God, I cannot imagine how expensive quirk adjusted clothes would be, if you think about how expensive even glasses can get (which are rarely covered by insurance). Damn.

It's interesting to see them pick their outfits! Nice!

Oof, being told off like that has to suck for Spinner, but it's something he needs to hear, especially since they're going to work with Stain in the future.

Oh, that's interesting! How Dabi views all of their resolves now that he's calmer than in canon. I like that a lot.

The League interacting with each other without the constant threat of death is so nice to see. I love that for them. They deserve a happy domestic life (of planning and training for terrorism).

I'm really happy that Muscular and Moonfish aren't part of the League here! It shows that they're really Shigaraki's group and he makes more confident decisions. I mentioned more of this in my last comment, but yeah, I like that a lot.

Dabi's trust in Shigaraki has grown so much since the first chapter. Not only Shigaraki, but everyone in the League. He trusts that they won't hurt him, that Tomura especially will keep him safe even while he's a cat and small. Ahhhh, I love this. Well, at least he trusts them not to hurt Onigiri. Dabi is once again seperating himself from the others by making a clear cut between Dabi and Onigiri. He thinks he can only be either one or the other. Oh damn.

The fact that Shigaraki especially tells the League that the Doctor is lying should he tell them to do anything really speaks of how much trust he has in the guy. It's none.

Compress being in physical pain about how Shigaraki washes his fancy clothes is very amusing.

"He can enjoy being human for a little while" if only Dabi knew how incredibly wrong everything starts going in the very next scene.

(I felt like with more scenes, I should add to my last comment and finish my reaction to this chapter! Thanks for giving us this!)

The League is a family!! Shigaraki didn't just give them a job, he gave them a home! It's all about connection baby!!!!

Magne deserves to be loud and supportive and really earning of the title "Big Sis" by treating the rest of them like family! Toga deserves to have people who accept her "evil" quirk as a part of her and not even blink about giving her what she needs to fuel it! And Compress deserves to show off how intelligent he is!

I think we all should spend more time thinking about how everyone being a superhero would affect pop culture and the world. Like Superhero movies? Documentaries now. So do the Sci-fi and Fantasy genres take off more? In a world with people with non-standard human biology, are there more years required to train as a doctor? If there aren't, how many more medical malpractice suits are made? Why does the fashion in the age of superheroes look so similar to that of fashion from well before that time? I can't get into all of these things in my writing, but it's something that SHOULD be considered in the world-building. MHA rests on the idea that all entertainment comes from heroes, heroes are the toys, heroes market products, heroes make clothes, etc. But I would like to mention if that is true, it speaks to an even more stilted and withered version of culture than has been explored in the Canon.

Spinner's having a rough time, but just like Shigaraki having to see his ideas/behaviors were stunting his growth, Spinner is at a point where he needs that too. This guy went from a law-abiding citizen to a villain from watching some videos online of a serial killer. That's not a great pipeline, and it's clear he's kind of using his obsession with Stain to keep from deeply examining the societal and racial injustice that he's been facing his whole life and deciding how he wants to fight back against that. He has strong beliefs, but he'll only be able to see them realized and stand up on his own if he takes the time to figure himself out and not just try to rip-off of someone else's.

Muscular and Moonfish are never part of my League! All my homies hate Muscular and Moonfish! ✊🏼

Thank you for going back for the rest of the chapter and commenting here! I'm so glad that you found so much to enjoy in the missing material! 🖤

[osterby]

Baldur's Gate 3, via Osmosis

So I think I played the first Baldur's Gate game for like an hour at a friend's house back in college, and all I remember about it was how delighted I was by the miniature giant hamster. I didn't even know there was a second game until I started hearing people get excited about the third one. That's about the sum of my knowledge of this franchise.

So without more ado, here's what my tumblr dash has taught me about these blorbos (I got @malaloba to huck the screenshots at me, so I didn't spoil myself on the names)

I want to say this one is Shadowheart, but that's too on the nose. She's probably .... Mythrin... Mithras... Mithotyn... Nope, I haven't got it.

She looks grouchy, and like she has a very good reason to be grouchy, and I would assume she's a combat class from her armour, but that's all I've got.

Gale (or Halsin) I know this one! He's the one who turns into a bear in The Cutscene that broke the internet for a few days. That means he'd be a Druid, right? I think he cross classes or something, though.

I hope the furries are having a great time drawing him as an anthro bear with a very large weenie.

Astarion! This vampire twink was all over my dash long before the game was released. Apparently he has a tragic backstory and is a jerk about it in a way that is either annoying or endearing, depending on the player's opinion of vampire twinks. His main role in the game, however, seems to be comically failing to pick locks. This means he's a Thief. Apparently the thing with the bear just had Astarion as the player character, and he isn't canonically dating the bear guy. Oh well.

Halsin (or Gale) The Other One who is Not a Bear. I would have said Bard for his class, but he's glowing a bit much for that here, so maybe a caster? I feel like he's more popular in areas of Tumblr that don't cross my dash.

Karlach or Karlak or something (not Karkat, that's a Homestuck thing).

Lesbians love her! She is large and angry and apparently really easy to romance just by approving of her chopping things with her axe. I think she was a child soldier? I see a lot of jokes about her crappy ex. I think her ex is actually her god and not her ex, though. Anyway, she seems like a prototypical Barbarian, good for her.

EDIT: I just remembered that she has PLAGUE, and is on a quest to Stop Having Plague. This is apparently her ex's fault

Laz'el. Lae'zel. La'zael. Something along those lines. I've seen treatises on her backstory and characterization, and she sounds like a really interesting character. Grew up in a cult of some kind, got dead or something, got abandoned by a crappy god (who might have also gotten dead or something), and is now wandering around trying to figure out how to exist in a world that isn't a cult. Apparently Other Players don't like her and dont't get what's up with her, which is a sore point for her fans (It's very possible that I'm mixing up portions of her backstory and fan reception with Karlach's) Her nose weirds me out (some uncanny valley thing between a skeleton lack-of-nose and a nose-nose), but I think she's pretty neat.

Ok, so if the blue lady at the top of this post isn't Shadowheart, then this one is Shadowheart. When I first saw the name Shadowheart, I thought it was someone's OC, and then I thought it was a generic name for the player character. From what I can gather, she's Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way with the stupid scraped off. She seems to be younger than most the other characters; she and the red tiefling are the kiddos of the group (Astarion doesn't count, because vampire). I think she grew up all sheltered in a weird little cult, too. Did ALL these characters grow up in weird cults? Is that a theme? Did I hear one backstory and apply it to a dozen different characters?

I happen to know for sure that this guy's name is Wyll. Good for me.

I don't know beans about him but I suspect he might be my favourite character when I do finally get around to playing, just from how his peronality is conveyed in fanart.

I get the impression he's the Only Sane Man to all these characters who grew up in cults and divorced dead gods and got vampire'd and whatnot, but he also has horns in like half the fanart and screenshots and is clearly Haunted (metaphorically, figuratively, literally, probably all of the above), so who knows.

As for the second figure here, I know the premise of the game is you've all got brainworms, who are in leage with a mindflayer con man who you can bone but who is also running some sleezy marketing scam, so maybe that's the brainworm made manifest?

I also see a lot of talk about character called Dark Urge, and the fan art doesn't look like that, but if Dark Urge is a manifested brainworm, then it could take various forms.

[sytokun]

RWBY V9 Episode 1 first impressions. Some spoilers. Also RWDE.

The first scene, both shot-wise and sound-wise was super well directed. The first person view into Ruby's headspace was very creative, and also an elegantly concise but unique recap of the last finale. Disregarding the nonsense surrounding the actual events (Yang getting KO'd instantly, no one being able to catch her and all that), it was an excellently directed scene.

Which makes it a pity that the scene right after felt really plodding and tonally dissonant. Having the already painful low framerate and cartoony jokes is already bad, but after a scene like that is... not how you do it.

The Monochrome scene was well-animated and adorable though. Amazing how much chemistry RWBY can get from its characters when it's not actively trying to signpost it to your face.

Speaking of signposting, the Bumbleby hug was good. Blake's tender voice calling Yang's name, and just them hugging on the beach is a really romantic image. and I'm a sucker for that kind of thing.

It kind of irks me more because my enjoyment of this ship is actively sabotaged by this show's own refusal to engage with it unless it's a weird combination of too-loud subtext and the fact it relishes in its own plausible deniability. I don't know what to say if there isn't a kiss or proper declaration of love by the end of this.

OK Goodnight doesn't miss, and they didn't for this OP song, Inside, either. I personally was super excited Casey was brought on in full force and her band's involvement was the singular thing that excited me about Volume 9. I have this opening on loop for hours now.

I loved how the Jabberwocky monster thing was animated, but part of me felt the design fell a bit short compared to how creatively it moved. I think if it went through another design pass or two to really bring out its more unsettling qualities it'd land even better.

But it was that thought that stirred up an iffy thought I had as I watched all the colourful characters and setting that was showcased in the opening and trailers. I know the whole point was to show a visual contrast by having everything be bright and whimsical but...

Part of me just kept thinking throughout this episode, and I suspect will keep me thinking throughout this Volume... why couldn't have all the Ever After creatures have been sentient talking Grimm instead?

Like, we don't know the canon explanation for the Ever After yet, but assuming that anything just goes here... I would have been really interested in the idea that this was a parallel world where benevolent Grimm exist and formed their own chaotic but intelligent societies. It could be an interesting exploration into the nature of Grimm, which by extension includes Salem's nature and how the heroes could not only defeat her dark nature, but perhaps understand and reason with it as well.

I just keep looking at the visual direction they decided to go with this world and can't help but think:

"Damn, Grimm mice would be cool, and a lot more visually distinct and marketable/merchandisable to RWBY fans too. Imagine Ruby making friends with a cute little Grimm? Something she's been trained to kill since forever? How weird but interesting would that be?"

"Damn, this glitchy monster thing would be way cooler as a Grimm, wouldn't it? Imagine it writhing like that and talking, but with the trademark glowing eye trails and miasmic black smoke trailing from its limbs."

"Damn, that Wonderland smoking caterpillar dude in the opening would have looked cool as a Grimm, maybe along the vibes of Koh the Face Stealer from Avatar?"

"Damn, the Cheshire cat as a teleporting Grimm feline would be cool. Its design might be a lot less polarising too since a lot of people think it hurts to look at. Some Grimm like Geists are already pretty formless to begin with."

And at the root of all these what-ifs, it just all comes back to the same question that I think sums up a lot of RWBY's problems:

"Damn, this show would be cooler in all these little ways if it just played into the ideas that made it cool to begin with."

[theprodigypenguin]

hello again! I've decided to send a second ask because these hc's are rather dark, and really didn't go well with the previous ones (also that's a lot of text, so feel free to ignore!)

A more angsty hc is that maybe Sabo didn't really feel himself like a living person. Because, frankly, the more I think about his amnesia the worse it gets(or maybe it's just me making things too dark). He didn't want just forget a period in his life, but literally everything including his name. He's like a blank slate, except he isn't. Every time he looks in a mirror he is reminded that the person he used to be is dead. He doesn't even know how he looked like without his scar. He is alive in the same way a husk of a bug animated by a fungus is 'alive'. Like he has "Sabo's" body, face and name but he doesn't have anything that made 'Sabo' the person he was. The only things he has are muscle memory and fear of his family, not really much to work with. He really hoped that when his memories return he'll feel like a human being again, but um. turns out such problems don't tend to go away easily 😬 (plus among other things, it just made the irreversible change more obvious. you can't even tell that they're the same person. the only thing that makes the the two similar is taste in clothing) so now he isn't "Sabo's corpse walking" but more like "someone with Sabo's memories"👍

and similar to the previous one, I really like to think about ↓this↓ flavor of amnesiac Sabo from time to time.

he's fighting for a wonderful tomorrow for everyone else but himself 🥰🥰

I do think that he gets better after a while, but he has far too much angst potential to not use any of it😔

I'm gonna fucking throw up.

But honestly you explained it SO perfectly and succinctly (and painfully). The more you really think about Sabo’s character and what he went through, it's actually so unbelievably fucked up. To sum up what you said, too, there's an actual mental disorder that matches everything Sabo must be dealing with regarding his memories, which is Depersonalization Disorder. It honestly sounds so miserable, and just thinking about Sabo having to deal with it all makes me sick.

Cuz it's like you said, even if his memories returned, he's not "Sabo" anymore, he's someone completely different, and I can only imagine how much he struggled with everything. It took him ten years to come to terms with his amnesia and the fact he had to be someone else. It was probably easier because he didn't think he had any connections, but he did have the revs. Then his memories returned and suddenly there's this overwhelming sense of guilt. Fuck. It's really no wonder why he went into a coma for three days. Which I think proves just how much the revs love him, because it seems like he has an incredible support system from them. Thank fuck for Dragon and the others 🥺