#actually the biggest problem rn is even if i give in and agree with my brain to the pov switching. then i have to figure out how to

[li-esonthefloor]

[expressing a dislike cw]

for someone who is not a big fan of pov switching i sure seem to rely on it a lot

[thinking about writing a fic] 'ok but whose pov do i write from' 'well this part would be good for x. oh but. this part. should be from y. oh and this should be from x. and this... from y.........' '...dammit'

[crowtrobotx]

I'm on a huge Kris x Karl kick rn please tell me more about these two losers I love them

Anon. Beautiful anon. I am so sorry this is late lmao. I wanted to actually give you something in response to this ask, not just muse for a few sentences. I hope you enjoy this ficlet (is it a ficlet if it's over 2k words??? whatever) involving the aforementioned losers, and I'm so very glad you love them as much as I do. :) ******************************************** Tunnel of Love Pairing: Karl Heisenberg x OC Setting: No Village AU, maybe set in Check Engine's universe if you've read my fic Genre: Mostly humorous fluff Warnings: Swearing if that ain't your thing, some heavy petting but nothing I'd classify as too intense. ;) Word count: 2243

“Next. Next, please.”

Kris could scarcely think of a worse summer job than manning a boat ride at the county fair, and she couldn’t blame the exasperation evident in the teenager’s voice as he tried to explain a laundry list of safety precautions to the already-too-handsy couple boarding their swan-shaped vessel. The line staggered ahead lazily as the enticing smell of funnel cake wafted from somewhere nearby. She wondered, if only for a moment, if she could convince Karl that eating more fried monstrosities was a better idea than getting in a completely non-seaworthy watercraft with peeling paint and God knew what staining the moist cushions, but given the way he was already bouncing on the balls of his feet to see how many more couples were ahead of them, she abandoned the hope all too quickly. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, or that she was afraid of water - quite the contrary, under normal circumstances she would have agreed to it with no reservations. If you ignored the questionable sanitation, a slow boat ride through a quiet, dark tunnel sounded almost divine. But these weren’t normal circumstances; she was exhausted. How long had they been here? Twelve hours? How many rides had Karl dragged her on against her will, how many cheap beers had she downed to quell the anxiety of getting into a giant metal death trap over and over again? The ride looked exceptionally dark against the backdrop of the neon carnival lights, the distant ferris wheel in particular drenching the night sky in a sort of kaleidoscope effect that sent Kris’s already uneasy stomach churning. The larger problem, though, as she saw it, was that they were the oldest pair in line. By at least two decades. They were the only middle aged couple in a sea of overly horny teenagers and they looked like lunatics - particularly because Karl also had the “overly horny” part covered. Kris had swatted his hand away from her backside more than once now, the cover of night blessedly shielding her burning cheeks and ears from prying eyes. The line moved again. She shuffled forward, arm in arm with Karl, trying to look as small as possible - a feat that was next to unthinkable given the gargantuan stuffed puppy tucked under her free arm. Yet another ingredient in the stew of her agitation, her boyfriend had made it his God given goal the second they’d arrived to win her the biggest prize possible. It was cute, at first - adorable, even. Karl had scrutinized each game at least twice, asked her opinion on each of the potential spoils and finally landed on the strength-tester after some intense negotiations. “But there’s bigger stuffed puppies at the basketball game over there - don’t you want one of those?” “Babe, they’re bigger than me - are you gonna carry it around? Besides, these ones have bow ties, and everything’s better with a bow tie.” It had been a partial truth. Mostly Kris didn’t want to see Karl get dunked on - literally - by someone half his age. The last thing she needed was him dedicating the following year to avenging himself and trying to become a sports phenomenon with knees that sounded like snapping crab legs every time he stood up. He’d made her laugh, at least, as he put on a show of exaggerated stretches and warm-ups before his attempt. Kris had expected him to fail, to be honest. Karl was strong but she knew most of these games were rigged. Still, she didn’t have the heart to kill his excitement and if he wanted to go for it, who was she to stop him? If he couldn’t do it, she’d happily settle for a more manageable sized prize - perhaps one of the tie dyed teddy bears - and she’d nearly looked away when he’d at last swung down the hammer against the block. She supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised when the bell rang out. Kris had gestured slack-jawed at the black and white puppy with the purple bow tie while Karl grinned like a smarmy tomcat. 

Her poor therapist was going to hear another earful of musings about why exactly she’d fallen in love with this greasy asshole - no one could explain it, least of all her. “I think we’re next,” Karl’s excited voice barely restrained to normal levels. “That kid up there chickened out at the last minute.” Probably because they realized these boats are one splinter away from sinking, Kris thought miserably. She turned her head over her shoulder and grimaced at the hordes of teenagers waiting behind them - bright eyed and fashionable and looking nothing like her, with her ever darkening under eye circles and Karl’s ill-fitting oil stained hoodie thrown over her shoulders.

“Oh boy,” she said, straining to match his energy. At last they stepped forward onto the dock, its wet surface shimmering under the cascade of surrounding colors. The ride operator, the only person who looked even remotely as tired as Kris, turned a dead-inside gaze toward them. If he had any thoughts about the weird older couple hopping on a ride notorious for awkward first kisses and wandering hands, he blessedly kept them to himself. “You’ll have to leave the stuffed animal here, ma’am. You can pick it up when the ride is done.” “Oh, yeah. Thanks,” Kris’s arm practically cried out in relief as she plopped Karl’s oversized gift down next to a collection of other toys and purses left behind for safekeeping. “How, uh, how long is this thing? Usually?” The kid sniffed. “I dunno. Five minutes, tops. That is, if no one falls overboard and we have to stop it for an hour.” “Great.” Karl nudged her, practically vibrating with excitement despite the banality of it all. He’d pushed his sunglasses up into his hair, apparently deciding that it would be too dark in the tunnel even for him with them on. His eyes were almost brighter than anything else around them, and Kris nearly felt like complimenting him until he opened his stupid, annoying mouth. “Bet you a corn dog I can get you off before we come out the other end.” The ride operator sighed. Kris wanted to drown herself.

“Please keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times and in a place where we can all see them. And please no inappropriate displays…” he sounded like he wanted to get hit by a stray meteor at all costs. 

“Define inappropriate.” Kris had known Karl would say something once they got up here but she hadn’t been sure what. She rolled her eyes and elbowed him in his soft midsection, earning a snicker and a feigned offended exclamation. “I was just asking!” The operator stopped their boat with his foot just long enough for the pair to clamber in. Karl, ever ungraceful, managed to splash water onto the floor when he flopped down next to Kris with zero regard for the integrity of the vessel. He flung an arm around her shoulders and waggled his eyebrows suggestively as the boat lurched forward, setting off into the black light filled tunnel ahead at a lopsided angle. “You’re obnoxious, you know that?” Kris booped the end of his nose with her index finger and pretended to be more interested in the neon paint on the walls than him. “Yeah,” he said, proudly, before scooting a touch closer. “And you’re pretty.” Was he…. Oh no, was he being romantic? “Tell me something I don’t know.” Kris leaned back a bit, forcing Karl to lean in even further. The sounds of the carnival outside began to deaden the further in they traveled, until all that was left was the lapping of the water against the sides of the boat and the crackling sound of public domain piano music warbling out from hidden speakers. To her horror and private delight, Karl decided to put his mouth to use on something better than cheesy pick up lines and infodumping about motorcycles and cars for once. He brushed aside her dark curls from the shoulder closest to him and set to work leaving hot, open-mouthed kisses on the exposed skin of her next while Kris subconsciously shifted, the ache in her feet from walking all day replaced by an ache of another sort, higher up her body. Jesus Christ. She was mad. Mad that she’d agreed to this, mad that she was letting him act like a hormonal sixteen year old on a shitty fair ride, mad that she was getting into it. She had been a respectable person, once. Then her lizard brain had taken over and she’d gotten the hots for her mechanic, and with every passing day she was turning into more of a clown. “Karl–” it came out breathier than she would have liked– “Karl, stop. We’re going to– oh – we’re going to get in trouble, you buffoon.” “Who’s gonna tell,” he murmured against her ear, before tracing her jaw with chaste kisses and bringing a hand up to turn her face to him. “You don’t think they have cameras on this thing?” “Sure they do,” Karl shrugged, “but you think anyone’s actually watching? These guys don’t get paid enough to give a shit.” He was probably right about that. Before Kris could come up with another excuse, Karl captured her lips in his own and settled his hands near her waist, filling her senses with him. She sighed and surrendered herself to the action, too tired and too stupidly in love to fight it. She threaded her fingers through his silvery hair and dragged him closer, pretending to ignore the victorious smirk she felt him pull while his scratchy beard undoubtedly reddened her skin. Jackass. Whatever hastily painted designs littered the walls of the tunnel, neither of them noticed. Kris decided that because the fair was closing in an hour anyway, it wouldn’t matter if they got kicked out - she’d already indulged so much today, what was one more thing? She slipped a hand underneath Karl’s collar and toyed gently with his chest hair, earning a deep growl in response. “Two can play at that,” he muttered before quickly sneaking up the back of her shirt and unhooking her bra with practiced ease - much better than the first time, when Kris had thought he was about to burst into tears trying to figure out how it worked. Some engineer. “Karl!” “What? I’m just following the rules. He said nothing inappropriate - inappropriate would be if I tore your clothes off and did what I’m actually thinking of doing right now. No one’s gonna know I just gave the girls some room to breathe…” “Fuck you.” “Please do, doll.”

Stupid,  stupid man with his stupid unkempt beard and his stupid uneven grey hair that he cut himself while drunk in the bathtub. She was angry at how much she liked him. Furious. Kris decided that when they were done sucking each other’s faces off, she was going to throw him overboard in the nasty ride water and make a comment about how he needed a shower anyway. She dragged him in again, with such force that the boat wobbled this time, and let him content himself with his wandering hands and probing tongue. She hated to admit she was enjoying herself. Maybe, maybe, if he behaved, she’d even admit that he’d been right about this whole thing. He’d never shut up about it, but maybe he deserved it… just this once.

The moment never came, though. All too soon the light at the dock beamed around the corner and he pulled away after one last kiss, punctuated by a nip on her lower lip. Kris gasped as if coming up for air, and to her horror she subconsciously leaned after him, trying to capture the moment before it slipped away into the night. She practically crawled into his lap, ignoring the self-satisfied look on his face. “That’s not fair– Karl, you can’t do that to me and just– get back here!” 

“Ma’am, please don’t make me call security on you.” Kris froze. When exactly they’d pulled up and stopped, she wasn’t sure. What she was sure of was the fact that there were now a bunch of judgemental teenagers looking at her, someone technically old enough to be their mother, on top of someone who looked like he’d been pulled out of a dumpster, and her hair was undoubtedly askew in such a way to make it obvious what they’d been doing. Karl exited the ride as if nothing was amiss and clicked his tongue in mock disappointment.

“Yeah, pumpkin. So sorry about her, can’t take her anywhere,” Karl gestured in Kris’s direction with a smug grin that made her want to punch his throat. “Let’s get you home to sleep off those beers. You’re kinda obsessed with PDA, you know that?”

Kris clambered out of the boat, quickly snatching the stuffed puppy and tucking it back in its rightful place under her arm, patently refusing Karl’s outstretched hand. The swan boat’s faded eyeball regarded her in a way that was somehow both lifeless and mocking, as if it had seen so many such instances over the years but never got used to them. Her cheeks flared as she stormed past into the yellow glow of the night ahead, ears roaring so loudly it almost drowned out her partner’s guttural laughter. 

“I’m going to skin you alive, Karl Heisenberg.”

[machidielontheway]

my biggest "what would fix you right now" is sleep schedule. i love sleeping, i love being in my bed, love the feeling of blorbo rotating while comfy in my pillow. i don't mind doing the nightly routine : pee time, brushing teeth [altho this is a recent change !], filling water bottle.

what i don't like and don't manage to do is the Break : stopping the enjoyment - or the avid, compulsory search for enjoyment - and actually closing my laptop. Closing the laptop is cutting up the connection and the safety, comfort of it. connection is : i am not alone. there is people there and i can hear them, listen to them, my room is filled with the sound of people living. i am not lonely. safety is : i am finding joy and am entertained - i am not wasting my life. i do not think of things i yearn to do but lack the energy and courage for. i am fulfilled.

Closing the door and getting out of my own laid spell and having to face reality again is very hard. I do not like it and i avoid it for as long as i can sometimes, even if i am tired and would love to be sleeping. (the reality is : sometimes i am lonely and unfulfilled ; the reality is i haven't been sleeping enough for years to have the emotional energy enough to be able to make concrete steps to change this)

i could say a lot more because this subject branches out back to itself but let's just keep what was the original goal.

i wanted to speak about it to the therapist i saw for the first time a week ago, because as of now sleep is Obstacle n°1 to be resolved in my life. but i didn't really connect with her, and it was a first session so a bit hard to go directly into one specific subject. However i spoke about it to a friend the next day, and she told me how she does it and we did a little brainstorming / our discussion was such to me.

one thing i discovered about myself in the last year is that i have very little perseverance, and if there is - or if i see something as such - an obstacle i will mostly not do the thing blocked by the obstacle. The ideal solution for this is : if you can't make yourself go past the obstacle, either 1) remove the obstacle or 2) change your course. When i was in my last flat the bathroom was some way away from my room and it was old and i didn't like it. I had a hard time brushing my teeth at night and mostly never did it. a temporary solution became "i go to pee super often, let's just brush my teeth each time with water for a few seconds" and that worked quite a bit. the obstacle was going to a place i didn't like with little reward ; the solution was do the thing when you're already in there, when you didn't have a problem to go because you actually wanted to". The problem literally disappeared when i moved flats and 1) had the bathroom directly against my room again and 2) i like the bathroom and don't feel uncomfortable spending time in it. It's a great things to know this kind of things about you, because it's easier to see how to go about solving a problem.

So with my friend as we spoke about it and it finally took a shape, i thought : clearly knowing and agreeing with all those things about "capitalism doesn't give you time so you spite it with a fucked up sleep schedule to get time for you" is not helping you : it's true but you can't change that rn. But the shape of "i don't like when i close the laptop and suddenly i'm back in real life with all my doubts and feelings", that i can manage. i can make the Break less of a break. With my friend i planned two things : 1) my laptop does not go in to the bedroom, and 2) i will put on sound on my phone until i shut off the lights (i dislike going on internet on my phone so no loophole here).

It did work in parts, which is actually great. I DID feel frustrated about not having the laptop, like a real feeling of "something missing / something not in its place", but it was not big enough that i couldn't go through it, which means that i can acclimate myself to it in time ; and it was enough that i didn't feel the break too keenly. Once i was done with my nightly ablutions, i kept listening to the video (music is Not Enough so i listen to Defunctland Fastpass vid) and felt myself falling asleep after ten minutes, which is also good : it's not enough to keep me awake through my tiredness the way i can power through for hours with the laptop (yes i have f.lux), and it's easier to stop and put down because my phone doesn't represent a Door to me the way my laptop does.

Now the thing to work on is that i need to actually do this where i do get in my room at an interesting hour and not just at two am, or it makes me as sleepy but less comfortable. So while a part of a solution is present the big boss is still there : the drive and motivation to do the first step which is "now we will begin". i once thought 'when i will have my new fancy phone where i can put on more than one alarm clock, i'll put some in the evening to create Doors for me to come back to reality and make a choice - i can stay where i am, or i can decide to go to bed". This increase the chance that i manage to go to bed earlier, instead of being kept in the waters of the spell until i see the clock hitting the magic hour where somehow i will accept going to sleep (which in these days is 1:30 AM). However i did NOT put on those alarms even though i've had my new fancy phone since january. which is another mystery to think about : what makes me 'not want' to put them on ? what do i fear ? i was excited about it once, what has changed ? is there another way i can make 'coming back to it' doors that would not be from alarm clock ?

I do like having my struggles put in this form because 1) i like feeling like i'm taking concrete steps toward something, because for so so so long i've been Waiting. besides the "fight or flight" reaction there is the freeze and i'm very good at it. and action is what makes you brain calm down from Fight or Flight. 2) i love analysis (recent discovery through work) ! it's like a treasure map with little adventures you have to follow until you find the treasure. But this also means knowing / searching for how things works, so you can understand why they're not working and find a satisfactory solution or a workaround.

anyway. yeah.

[munsons-maiden]

hi, i really need to vent rn and you are literally a safe space for anything eddie/joseph related and i just feel like i have to talk about it.

my heart is broken and ive cried my eyes out for a while now because joe wont be at the german comic con due to issues with his passport. ive spent so much money on tickets and the whole trip to see him. like, all i wanted was one of those hugs he gives everyone and i wrote him a letter and now its all for nothing.

i am so sad and frustrated now because i wont get my money back and i had to fight the entire week to get tickets for him. i almost got scammed two times and now this. no hug, no smile, no nothing :(

im still going and i at least got a ticket for grace, so as long as she wont cancel too, its at least something. but its still so disappointing and i feel so devastated. knowing that id meet him gave me so much motivation to do something and now its all gone again.

im still thinking if its a dck move to ask grace if she will take my letter and maybe gets it to joe somehow. the letter really means so much to me and idk if ill ever get the chance to give it to him now. but im scared that grace might think im only using her, if she even agrees. and if she did agree, maybe the letter would get lost somewhere and any chance of getting it to him is gone...

i really dont know what to do now and im trying to see the positive aspects but its so hard, considering everything i invested and all the hopes i had :(

sorry to dump this on you, i just needed to tell someone

same anon with the german comic con topic here... again i just feel like my last whining session sounded like im mostly frustrated that i spent so much money. and while that is true, i spent it gladly to meet joseph. just wanted to clarify.

the money issue isnt my biggest problem, its just the only thing i can actually be mad about rn, bcs joe has a valid reason to cancel. even if the passport thing is not the whole truth and maybe he ditched because the london cc wasnt going too great (some ppl speculate that he didn't wanna do another comic con so soon after) its his right to do so and i cant be mad at him.

its just so disappointing because i wanted to talk to him and see him interact with fans and ask him stuff. and now the opportunity is gone and it was pure luck that i even had this one chance. its just... i miss him, without ever meeting him? does that make sense?

i feel like his presence must be so nice to be around and i was so ecstatic when i finally got the tickets. and now i think i ruined it for myself because every time i overthink something, i make up 567 scenarios in my head, what could happen, what i could say and so on... and whenever i do this, i jinx it. and the little ppl controling my life, reading my thoughts, built me a path i didnt calculate.

its the same thing that happened this time, its the same thing that happens all the time with whatever situation i am confronted with.

to end this second rant on a note that is actually related to you and not just a random anon escalating in your asks... i could really use some new eddie content right now and i am over the moon, that worlds apart chapter 7 will be out soon and i can drown myself in my sorrow and the new chap ):)

Hi sweetheart! First of all, no worries, my inbox is always open🖤

I'm very sorry this happened, and I totally understand the sadness and frustration about the situation, it's absolutely valid. There's sadly not much of a positive aspect to this except for the fact that they're already talking to Joe about coming to another Comic Con in Germany in October - maybe it's worth a shot to try and get tickets for this one?

As for the letter; it depends entirely on what feels safe/comfortable for you. If you plan to get tickets for the October Con, you could keep the letter to give it to him yourself, since it seems very personal? In the end, you're the only person who can make a decision about that; you could take the letter with you and decide while you're there?

I hope you'll feel better soon, and should you decide to try for tickets for October, my fingers are crossed! 🖤

(And I hope Worlds Apart can contribute a little to comfort you🖤)

[polar-bears-making-pancakes]

My argument against your point on the clone issue is that while yea, identical twins share the same DNA, i think what we as people in general consider "being a clone" more in the way of being a copy of person who already existed or exists before you, like a historical figure, not accidentaly creating multiple babas at once :d if we consider it this way i agree with most people in that poll that finding out you're a clone of someone is more freaky hsvshs

okay, so i am studying biological engineering (biotechnology) and I happen to know a bit about cloning. because what are you exactly implying by "copy of a person who already existed"?

the furthest since went with cloning, that we know of, is cloning two macaques in 2018. (that were actually born and not died in prenatal stage) so far the method we use and that's the only method people came up with that has a chance for working SCNT (somatic cell nucleus transfer) which means we transfer the normal body cell's (somatic) nucleus with all the DNA of the organism we want to clone to an unfertilised egg cell and then we basically do an in vitro and put that cell inside the mother's womb (the organism we took the egg cell from) so it can be born normally. the biggest problem we meet in this method is that the DNA undergoes microscopic changes during our whole life (plus epigenetics). it's basically kind of old susceptible to diseases like cancer as we grow old. using that DNA for a brand new baby organism means it's is as susceptible to diseases as the older organism we took the DNA from. and yes, that's how we made the famous Dolly sheep with some improvements. as far as we know rn there's no better method a person could be cloned.

and as I said, this method gives us a brand new baby with the same DNA as the person we are cloning (or we can make changes in it but that's not what we are talking about here). and the rule with twins still applies here.

because, thinking about it philosophically, what makes a person a person? is it the body and the fact that someone would look exactly the same? we still not come up with method like that, or at least it was not published. is it the DNA? as we established it doesn't even make a person identical because DNA expression differs even in identical twins. or is it the essence, the so called 'soul', something beyond a body and the proteins and minerals that build us, beyond the electricity in our neurons? if yes then I don't think it's something we will ever be able to copy

[3terna15unshin3]

Then Because She Goes

Beautiful, please don’t cry, I love you

★ Chapter 3 of 15, 5727 words

★ Matty Healy x Original Female Character

★ warnings: alcohol consumption

&lt;< 2

7 September, 2018

trumanblack: Agreed but also why does it control my entire life

trumanblack: I liked it tbh the simplicity of the writing was very charming and I liked its views on adhering to social pressure and blah blah blah

trumanblack: But towards the end Keiko drove me up the wall honestly she started getting sooo unlikeable and I was like Im running out of empathy

este.manansala: Omg especially in LA. That place is a fever dream

este.manansala: I’m glad u liked it at least a little bit !!!

este.manansala: That’s interesting tho bc I am a firm believer that a main character doesn’t need to be likeable to be a good character

trumanblack: No fr that’s why when I’m here I feel like I have to actively resist the gravity of every single LA resident turning me into the same caricature of a human that they all are

trumanblack: Hmmm I guess

trumanblack: But sometimes I feel like reading is inherently like a self-inserting practice even in third person perspectives so I can’t help but disconnect when I don’t fuck with the main girl u know

este.manansala: Yeah no I get it

este. manansala: I feel like a lot of female characters are deemed unlikeable for the same reasons male ones are sympathised with

Este pressed ‘send’ on the message as she thought back to her conversation earlier, with the customer looking for classics. She definitely used Matty's point about likeable characters to sell Emma, and completely understood where he was coming from; but she wanted to give him a hard time. She felt inclined to be playful and make him laugh, for some reason.

trumanblack: Ok damn

trumanblack: You’re right

este.manansala: I know :)

trumanblack: I’m part of the problem arent I

este.manansala: Probably but I’ll let you off the hook x

este.manansala: Are u gonna give me a book of essays to read now??

trumanblack: Wait I actually will

trumanblack: I read this collection called You Are Here: Art After the Internet by Omar Kholeif bc I saw someone on the train reading it and it was so good

trumanblack: I named the new album after one of the essays in it lolll

este.manansala: It seems very meta to be telling me to read that over instagram dms

este.manansala: I’ll try and pick it up tho!

este.manansala: Busy in LA?

trumanblack: It is meta that’s why you should read it

trumanblack: And yeah we need to have the final masters submitted for in 2 days so it’s go time

trumanblack: Just living in the studio pretty much

este.manansala: What are u doing messaging me in the middle of the day then like get back to it

trumanblack: Fuck off I’m eating lunch rn

trumanblack: What were you doing not responding to my message for weeks then????

este.manansala: … soz

este.manansala: Honestly never check my dms so i didn’t see it

este.manansala: Until I went to message you about Love It If We Made It bc it’s my favourite song of the year so far

este.manansala: Like actually

trumanblack: Este don’t say that if you don’t mean it :(

este.manansala: I’m being serious

este.manansala: I fully wrote paragraph about how much I like it and was about to send it your way and then I saw u messaged me first

trumanblack: That means so much. Really

trumanblack: Thank you x

trumanblack: But also u can’t just admit that and then not show me the paragraph. Like send it over pls

este.manansala: Yeah no way lol

este.manansala: Must keep the mystery alive somehow

Este finally looked away, for now. Her lower back was sore from sitting on their hard wooden chairs for a little too long, so she decided that it was a good time to get ready for bed. But, before she could, a buzz of excitement scraped goosebumps into her skin as Cate’s keys jangled in the door, eager to fill her in.

“Hey!” screamed Cate from the hallway, still out of sight from Este. The project for her biggest client of the year had just begun, so her hours became a bit unpredictable and she often arrived home late. 

They caught each other up on how their days went, Este glad to hear that work was going well and Cate being particularly excited that Matty had reached out and taken a liking to her. 

“It really isn’t anything crazy, we’re just talking about books and stuff,” Este tried, although a small flutter in her heart knew she was lying and that she ultimately was excited to even reveal it to Cate. “He’s just a cool guy. Really smart and friendly.”

Cate’s eyebrows raised, unconvinced. She dropped her coat into her room before reentering the main area to start the kettle. “Is he just a ‘cool’ guy or is he a ‘hot tumblr singer in a band who slid into your DMs’ guy?” 

Este cringed at her wording and threw the mushroom sitting on her plate from dinner at Cate playfully. She dodged it in disgust. 

“Just a guy, Cate. And he didn’t ‘slide into my DMs’, I just gave him a book recommendation and he told me what he thought of it,” Este argued. 

“Whatever you say, babe,” she entertained. “It is kind of hot that he reads, though.” 

They laughed as Este agreed, and they both headed off to bed.

✴ 18 November, 2018

To Este’s surprise, she and Matty continued to casually chat. It was mainly book talk; their personal lives only coming up occasionally. Neither of them expected responses to be consistent, especially with the busy pre-album schedule of Matty, who was now back in London. His work was also a reason why they hadn’t gotten through many books, him taking much longer to pick up anything Este shared, but the conversations were thoughtful and worth coming back to.

It was a struggle to find any titles Matty mentioned because of how obscure they were. Can this guy get any more pretentious? Este thought as she furiously searched for a copy of You Are Here: Art After the Internet online when they first messaged each other. Still, over a month later, she couldn’t track one down—not even on eBay. Matty thought he’d never hear the end of her complaints.

The chill November breeze came through Greenhouse quite frequently during Este’s Sunday shift. A mild autumn day with crunchy leaves scraping against the pavement seemed to always be busy for the book shop. The weather and aesthetic was perfect for the activity, leaving the store with a more frequent customer count while Este was busy dealing with an angry woman over the phone (the post lost the copy of Sapiens they’d ordered for her). It ate up all of her energy and left her on edge for the rest of her shift. So, when she felt a buzz coming from her phone and saw what the notification read, panic ran through her veins.

[este.manansala] trumanblack: Are u working today

Este’s eyes widened as she registered what the message most likely meant. There was no context, no ‘hello’ to preface, no warning—but in her gut, she knew. Matty is in town.

The frazzled state she was in only got worse as her mind thought of every awkward experience she’d ever lived and convinced her that seeing him again would out do them all. Using the term ‘self-destructive’ to describe her mindset was an understatement. Este couldn’t figure out what made her so anxious about facing Matty.

Thinking deeper about it, as she couldn’t distract herself this time around (despite the handful of customers she’d checked out since seeing his message), Este realised the nerves’ origin. He wasn’t just Matty like he was last time stepping foot in the shop—he was Matty Healy. 

She tried not to let that change things, but it did. It brought on a certain reluctivity within Este’s messages. Never completely committing to being 100% herself when speaking to him—she defaulted to her ‘casual cool girl’ persona that she usually stored in her pocket to pull out in times of need. 

She was scared that it would reach a point where it meant more to her than it did him. His face was on billboards that greeted Este on her way into work every day. The singles leading up to his album were at the top of the UK charts. Este couldn’t let their collection of DMs and developing friendship be an exciting thing in her life when it was, without a doubt, miniscule in his. 

The longer she spiralled about it, the longer Este put off replying to his message, only getting to it a couple of hours before she had to close the shop. 

este.manansala: Yea what’s up

She couldn’t think of anything else to say, so the three word response would have to do. Maybe it’s too late for him to stop by, she secretly hoped, loosening up her worries and busying herself with work once more.

After Este witnessed multiple customers sneeze near their poetry bay, a Swiffer duster insert found itself in her hand as she wiped away the thin layer of grey gunk atop the shelf. She hummed to herself as she dusted, not even realising that the melody she conjured up was the tune to one of Matty’s songs.

It was dark now, thirty minutes until close, and nobody had come in for around an hour. The crazy day was thankfully coming to a close; Este’s anxieties subsided after assuming that what she had endured would be it for the night. But, she assumed too soon. 

The small, new wind chime Sam hung from the door just a few days prior made its twinkly exclamation. 

“It’s not too late to come in, is it?”

Este turned to see Matty. It was actually him. 

She smiled and wormed her way around the maze of bookshelves between them. “For you, yeah. Get out.” 

Their eyes finally found each other and Matty spread his arms out, offering a hug. Este accepted and wrapped her own around him, just above his shoulders, as she felt his drop to her waist respectfully. He isn’t very tall, thought Este. And he smells good. 

“Ha ha, very funny,” Matty sarcastically responded. “How’ve you been?”

They stood face to face in the open area by the front of the store.

“Good.” She nodded. “Same old, same old, really. I don’t have a massive album to release in two weeks or anything.”

He laughed quietly, taking off into the shelves. His steps were slow and calculated to sustain his attention to their conversation but his eyes scanned the book titles. “I guess that’s what I’ve got in the works,” he admitted. “It doesn’t feel like it’s that soon, though. I don’t think I’ve accepted the fact that it’ll just be out for people to hear,” he explained, pausing his movements for a second to pull a book off the bay and study the back cover. 

“That one’s shitty. Read it last year.” 

Matty raised his eyebrows at Este and placed the book where it belonged, in defeat. The trench coat she first saw him in was hanging off his body lazily. The tie-belt skipped one of the loops behind his back, and one side of it dragged drastically lower than the other along the floor. The coat’s square pockets were full and sagging. 

Este followed his path as they continued through the shop, Matty repeatedly grabbing books to beg her blunt opinions. Every one he chose so far resulted in it returning to its place on the shelf within seconds of escaping. She knew the place like the back of her hand. 

“What are you doing in Manchester, anyway?” she wondered. 

Matty stopped and turned to her, flipping through another novel, this time satisfied with what he found. Shrugging casually, he responded, “Visiting a mate for his birthday, dinner and drinks at Head of Steam. Thought it would be more fun but it was sort of a drag, to be honest,” he complained. “Too much dinner and not enough drinks.”

“I was just about to ask, what sort of dinner and drinks end before,” she clicked open her phone to check the time. “…7:36pm.” 

They both laughed and Matty shook his head. “Yup, that just about describes how exciting the event was.”

The book in his hands happened to be another Este had read, this time one she was fond of. “You should read that one,” she commented. “It’s new. Not sure how we managed to stock a used one already. I think you’d really like it.”

Matty continued flipping through it, stopping a couple of times to focus on certain pages, without saying anything. Suddenly, he sank down to the floor and sat comfortably, leaning his back against the shelf behind him. His legs were outstretched in front of him, straight, his feet almost touching the shelf opposite because of the cramped nature of the shop.

“Care to join me?”

He patted the patch of carpet next to him, and Este obliged. She sat on the floor next to his feet, laying her legs out like his were, and faced him as he studied the novel. Her phone lit up with the reminder she always set when working, making her aware that it was five short minutes until close. Usually, Este would take this time to ensure the shop was tidy for Sam to be greeted with the next morning, close up the register and deal with the float inside it. But, none of that crossed her mind with Matty sitting opposite her.

“On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous,” Matty read. “What an interesting title.”

Este couldn’t stand that he was opening the novel to random pages and reading content without the important context, so she jokingly reached forward, laying her hands beneath his and forcing the book shut for him.

“You know books are meant to be read from the beginning, Matty.” She left them there for a second before pulling them away, Matty following her instructions and setting the book down in his lap. 

“I always skip to random parts in books before I read them. Lets me know what I’ll be getting into,” he defended.

“That’s blasphemous to me. Especially with that book, because Vuong, the author, is a poet as well. Every sentence feels meaningfully placed,” she rambled. 

“Wouldn’t that also mean that they stand well on their own? If every line is like poetry?”

“I guess, but that’s not the point. The context holds the weight of his words. When I read it, at least, I’d come across something that felt really powerful. And I’d just think, wow. That’s the point he was leading up to. That was the whole purpose of the pages of words beforehand. But then, I would read the following line, and suddenly that became the purpose. And it just never stopped metamorphosing, like he carried me through the book in the same way he made the revelations himself.”

He looked at her with fondness as she chewed on the inside of her cheek. Matty could see the passion on her face and smiled in response. “You sold me. If you talk about all books like that, I understand why you sell them for a living,” he complimented. 

Este leaned forward and pretended to bow. “My work here is done,” she joked. Her job being brought up prompted her to check the time again, seeing 8:02PM looking back at her from the screen. “Shit, it actually is. I have to close the shop.”

“Oh, sorry—”

“Don’t worry. I stay late all the time, just have to lock the door and flip the sign,” Este started, without thinking, as she got up from her spot on the floor to walk to the front. “That’s if you want to stay. You don’t have to, if you have somewhere to be, or if its weird to be locked in a bookshop on a Sunday night or something,”

“I’d love to stay.”

✴

She only kept two lamps on and then sat back down on the floor, not wanting Greenhouse to look too welcoming and inspire people to try and come in. The door was bolted shut, and On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous hadn’t left Matty’s grasp. Este wasn’t sure why she hadn’t offered him to sit at the table in the back room, but something felt natural about wedging themselves between the shelves. The carpeted floor was comfortable. 

“I’m actually going to buy this from you, buy the way,” he clarified. His right foot was crossed over his left and slightly grazed Este’s left arm that fell next to her body. 

“I’m not taking any money from you, Matty.”

“So I’ll just make you keep the shop open late and then steal an item from you?” he protested. 

“I borrow books all the time, Sam doesn’t care. I’ll just tell him I let a friend borrow it.” She was being serious.

Matty accepted her offer, and thought about the item he brought in his pocket, debating on whether it was appropriate to even bring it out. It was oddly personal and he found himself doubting his idea, even though he didn’t think twice about it when leaving his flat earlier that morning. 

“I can return the favour, then.” He pulled out his copy of You Are Here: Art After The Internet. The pages were yellowed and there were blue tabs messily sticking out of the side of it. Este realised what it was, shocked to learn that Matty was lending her his copy. “So you can stop complaining about not being able to find one.” He took Este’s hands that were resting in her lap, unravelled them to put the book in, and closed them back up to force her to hold it. 

They made eye contact for a couple of seconds. Matty had never noticed how dark and straight her eyelashes were. They framed her eyes well.

“For me?”

Matty nodded.

Este fanned through the pages with her thumb, seeing every page for a split second. She noticed pen marks accompanying the printed text and wondered what each blue tab stood for. 

“I see you’re the annotating type.”

“It’s cathartic,” he replied shortly. “Please don’t judge what I wrote, though. If you read anything stupid, just assume I was high, or something.”

To her, it felt like he was lending her his diary. She couldn’t imagine letting someone into the thoughts she had while reading a book, let alone the impulsive and quickly crafted ones worthy enough to be scribbled into the margins. It was an intimate act. 

“This is really sweet of you,” she vocalised. “Now I feel like I owe you my copy of On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous instead of letting you borrow the shop’s.”

He raised his eyebrows in interest. “So you’re an annotator too?”

Este nodded and smiled. “I marked it up quite a bit, actually. It’s not here, though. It’s back at my flat.”

“Well, do you live far?”

✴

She rushed through her closing duties as Matty browsed some more. Her arms slipped into her fleece-lined denim jacket and her mind raced, trying to fathom the fact that he was about to be in her car (and later, her flat). As much as things had been easy and flowing naturally until now, the dilemma she considered earlier in the day still haunted her. 

He was panicking almost as equally as Este. Suggesting they should go back to hers was a chaotically forward thing to do, and Matty instantly feared it would come off wrong. They both weren’t sure why they agreed, but did anyway. It felt wrong to end the night there.

Eventually, they were walking down the street together to get to her black Honda Accord that had gone far too long without a wash. Their conversation remained sweet and light, finally gracing the basics of getting to know each other. 

“I went to school in Wilmslow, though. That's where I met the guys and when we formed the band,” he explained. 

“This whole time I thought you grew up in the city.” She acted shocked. “You call Manchester your hometown. Liar.” 

Este clicked the button on her car key and the headlights on her car flashed. Matty went around to the driver’s side to open her door for her, flashing her a smile. She smiled back. Chivalrous, she thought. 

“I moved a couple times. I don’t know what my hometown is, really, I give a different answer every time—but it feels like home here. I just say I’m from the North of England. Wilmslow, Cheshire, Macclesfield, Manchester. Whatever,” Matty said, securing his seat belt and tucking the strap underneath his arm. “You grew up here, yeah?”

Her finger tucked an unruly strand of hair behind her ear as she carefully pulled into the road, before responding. “After I moved, yeah. On my seventh birthday I spent the whole day on a flight over to London from the Philippines. But I only lived in London for a couple of months before me and my mum and dad moved to Manchester.”

They drove in the dark, Matty asking her more questions about life in the Philippines and what it was like to move over. Este brought up her grandmother and how she and her husband stayed in London after finding a nursing job she didn't want to say no to. “My nan was my best friend growing up, so that was probably the only thing I didn’t like about Manchester when I came over. That she didn’t come along.”

Matty shoved his cold hands further into his pockets. “Speaking of your nan, actually,” he started. “On the plane to LA in August I was so bored out of my mind that I started organising the files on my computer. Then I found this picture.” He opened his phone, clicking on his iCloud files and scrolling through to find the photo.

Este interrupted before he could. “You can’t just say ‘Speaking of your nan…’ and then furiously search through your phone without explaining further!” she impatiently exclaimed, both of them erupting into laughter after realising how creepy it seemed.

“I swear, it’s not weird! Let me find what I’m looking for and then you’ll get it,” he defended.

It finally came up, and Matty held up his screen to show her. Este was in the middle of turning down her street, so it took a couple of seconds before she could break her attention to the road, but then eventually she studied the relic.

“Oh my god! That’s Lola!”

She was shocked. They both found it hilarious that Florencia and Matty had met before, a picture proving it. 

“She was the best, honestly. Made the hospital way less of a horrifying place to be,” he gushed. “You should tell her, next time you see her. If she remembers me. Then maybe she can replace that horrid memory of me thinking her name was Lola with the fact that she nursed me back to health after getting my gallbladder removed.”

“She remembers you, for sure. I think she likes you more than I do, to be quite honest, so she’ll be excited to hear that you two go further back,” she joked. 

Matty threw her an offended ‘Hey!’ in response.

They pulled into her flat’s parking spaces and Este took note of Cate’s car being absent from the spot beside her’s. A small wave of relief hit. No awkward flatmate introductions. A silence fell over them as they exited her car into the evening chill. Este didn’t have to ask if he wanted to follow her up, since he began doing so anyway. It was only 8:30, but time ticked slowly. 

After getting through a couple of locked doors in the lobby, they comfortably entered the elevator, and Este pressed on the button with the 4 on it. The two stood next to each other and turned to face the doors, their shoulders brushing innocently. 

“You know, we’re painfully pretentious for coming all the way here just so I could read your specific copy of that book. I literally already had one in my hands,” Matty pointed out.

A ding rang in the air as they passed the first floor. 

“I know.” Este smiled. “I think that’s just who we are, though. You, a little more than me, but still.”

Another ding. Second floor.

“"I think we’re equally pretentious, but—” said Matty, but she cut him off by silently holding up the copy of You Are Here in her hands, proving her point. He flipped her off. 

The forth ding was heard before the doors opened back up, Este exiting and letting Matty follow her. She was nervous for him to see her and Cate’s relatively small flat, but was glad that at least they kept it tidy; and, with time, found an appropriate position for the couch. They hadn’t said anything since reaching her floor, but not in a bad way. 

She swung the door open, welcoming Matty inside. Walking past the kitchen and into the living area, he studied every detail of the space. He liked the small ceramic rabbits that were scattered through their very full plant stand, with greenery sticking out in every direction, and how each of them had a different expression. The prints hanging on the walls felt aged and added character to their maximally styled room. Matty assumed each piece had its own story. 

Este hesitantly asked the question that had been tickling at her tongue the entire walk up to the flat as she removed her jacket and threw it onto the dining room table. 

“Have time to stick around for a brew?”

He was hoping she’d ask him to stay. “Course,” agreed Matty. “You know, this is exactly what I expected your place to look like.” He copied her and removed his coat, setting it down on the couch and then taking a seat next to it. 

She made her way back to the kitchen to start the kettle. “Really? Why?”

“Dunno. Really artsy and charming with tons of little trinkets. Endless amounts of things to look at—books and plants, just like the shop.” 

Which mugs should I use? Este thought, opening the cupboard. Which mug of mine is the coolest? Has an interesting backstory? She shook her head to herself, embarrassed to be internally worrying about choosing a mug. 

“Thank you. I think I’m just a hoarder, so the minute I find something cool I just stick it on a shelf either out here or in my room and then I’m bonded to it for life. My flatmate, Cate, is the same way so it’s twice as bad.”

Even after realising how stupid it was to care about what mug to give Matty, she still tried to pick her coolest one. It was a plain white ceramic mug that was sculpted to look like a slightly crumpled red Solo cup but with a handle. Este thought Matty would either love it or hate it, and wanted to find out which it would be; as if the answer would be revealing of his spirit, or something.

“Milk or sugar?” she asked, looking up to make eye contact with him for the first time in a couple of minutes. 

Matty was already gazing at her, watching her potter around the kitchen. A blush spread over Este's cheeks after she noticed. “Just a dash of milk, please,” he told her, standing up to walk over to their kitchen island and lean against it. “I’m kind of the opposite of a hoarder. I own like three things in total.”

The kettle started whistling, signalling her to pick it up and pour their cups. “That doesn’t at all surprise me, Matty,” Este claimed while opening up the fridge to grab the milk. In it, she saw the case of Heineken she and Cate had bought last week. She cringed. “I’m also just now realising that I have beer in the fridge and it was really lame of me to offer you tea.”

Pouring the milk anyway, Este pushed Matty’s cup towards him. 

He muttered a quick ‘thanks’ before taking a careful sip. “I mean, in a mug like this,” he pointed playfully at the eccentric Solo cup pottery. “Totally not lame.”

Este could hear the sarcasm in his voice, so she reached up and shoved his shoulder with her palm. “Hey, that’s like my best thrift find of all time. It’s edgy. The perfect combination of classic and modern. Practical, too.”

Their conversation continued for another half-hour as their teas dwindled in both fullness and temperature. He eventually asked for a tour of the flat, so Este showed him around, even letting him take a peek into her bedroom and its many more trinkets. In it, she picked her copy of On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous off her shelf and handed it to him. Matty accepted it, while continuing to throw compliments her way, commenting on the oozing personality of all of her belongings.

Looping back around after seeing the whole flat, the couch dipped as both of them took a seat, now with beers in hand.

“So, do you invite customers back to your flat very often?”

Este was slightly embarrassed by the nature of the question, but tried to play it off and replied, “Only the ones that are famous musicians.”

Matty took a swig of beer and set it onto the coffee table with a coaster beneath it. ��Oh, I see. So this is a meet and greet.” They both laughed and silence fell upon them again. “I’m actually really nervous. For the album, I mean,” he admitted. 

She looked over to him, her expression softening. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s just a bit scary. You know, people have been liking the songs so far, but the single we put out last month sort of has blown up my whole junkie, rehab, drug thing. So I feel a lot of pressure to say the right thing.”

“I mean, I feel like that just gives people a reason to connect to the album even more. Your art still holds its purpose—that emotional release.” 

Matty smiled thankfully. “Thank you for calling my music ‘my art’. That really withholds this whole pretentious thing we've got going on," he said with a chuckle. “And seriously, thank you for liking Love It If We Made It. It’s cool to have a cool person like your stuff.”

“I love it. Really do,” she pushed. “And thank you for calling me a cool person.”

“You are.” Matty meant it. 

His eyes trailed from the dimple on her left cheek to the chain dangling from her neck and further to the clothes draped on her body. “Is that necklace you wear a dragonfly? Or is it a butterfly?” 

Este was confused at the randomness of his question but answered anyway. She could tell he was itching to know even the little things about her.

“It’s a dragonfly,” she confirmed, reaching up to fiddle with it and give Matty a closer look. “They remind me of my grandpa. Dragonflies love him. Back in the Philippines, he was a fisherman, so he spent a lot of time out by water. I have hundreds of memories of being with him near the ocean and seeing one land on the rim of his cap or even the tip of his nose.” 

He smiled warmly at the sweet anecdote but left space for her to continue, liking that she responded to his questions with stories, not just answers. 

“There aren’t many out here, though, especially since he lives in London and stays in the city. So I wear one around my neck instead,” Este explained. She studied his face as she sipped her beer. Matty was listening. It felt like he was looking through her, too.

After talking for as long as their minds took them, through topics big and small, light and dark, Matty decided he better make his way. “Shit, it’s 12:30. Might want to catch an Uber.” 

“Where are you staying? I could drive,” Este offered. 

He opened his phone to open the app and see the rides available, denying her kind gesture. A few clicks later, a car was on its way. “Oh please, don’t worry. It’s late. I’m just crashing at my mate’s—the one whose birthday I came in for. Taking the train back to London tomorrow morning for rehearsals,” explained Matty. 

Este handed him his coat as they both stood up and slowly made their way over to the door. The Uber was minutes away, so they didn’t stop before leaving the threshold of her flat and taking the elevator down to the lobby. 

“Rehearsals? Is tour happening that soon?”

“Not until next year. But, we have a show in Kingston the night before the album comes out. Shitting my pants about it, honestly, so we’ve been rehearsing like crazy,” he said as the elevator doors reopened to let them onto the ground floor, continuing to walk towards the main door. “You should come, if you’re free. We always leave room at the side of the stage for friends and family. I’d love for you to hear the new stuff live.” Matty now stood on the pavement, turning to face Este, who stood just inside the doorway. She grinned at his offer, appreciating his generosity. 

“That would be amazing,” she agreed. “Let me know the details and I’d love to be there.”

He nodded at her and held up the book in his hands. “Thanks, for this. And tonight.”

Este likewise thanked him for the novel of essays that now sat on her coffee table upstairs. They shared a casual embrace to say goodbye, with Matty’s hands gracing the small of her back and hers meeting over his neck. She pressed her lips to his cheek, close to his jaw, holding it there briefly before letting go. Matty wished they stayed there a little longer. 

One last ‘good night’ left their mouths as the car pulled up and Matty got in. He shot Este a small wave from behind the tinted car window.

4 >>

[ofallthingsnasty]

Hey nasssttyy 😁

So I gotta get your thoughts on this 👀

You know how people write Hizashi x Reader x Aizawa they typically make Hizashi the softer dom (even if it’s yandere)?

Whaaat about Hizashi being the mean one? Like he’s very outright with his toxicity while Aizawa is more low key. He would always be giving y/n backhanded compliments, degrading them all of that. But he just says it in such a nice way that it leaves y/n confused asf 😭 like their feelings are always hurt by this mans but they also like it because of the nice “uwu” way he talks to them. And ofc he is always bullying them—

I’m rambling, I’m sorry 😭

-AFO anon

Hey anoooon 🤗 First and foremost never apologize for rambling omg!! You can put whole essays in my inbox, hell I love those 😘 tw yandere, minors dni

Do you mean people ... like me? 🙈 To my defense - I only write him soft when it's non-yan content (and have done so only once), because canon Hizashi is a big softie to me. Now... yandere Mic? Hard agree with you - I kind of expanded on this in this post. I think the main problem with him is that he's really, really impatient and petulant when things don't go his way. I personally wouldn't say he'd call you names, but he would force you to do vile stuff, all with a sleazy grin and a mean little glint in his eyes. But now that you mention it... I can see him becoming really mean and backhanded with time - if you keep denying him, his mood will surely sour sometime in the future. He'd turn really bitter, probably even more so if you got along a little better with Shota (who treats you - well, almost humanly, at least compared to Hizashi). And while he's already forcing himself on you from the start, the verbal bullying could definitely occur. I could see him actively taking little jabs at you here and there, but only after you've refused him for a very, very long time. Those are born out of frustration, though. Every time I write Erasermic/Reader he is definitely the more vocal, more hands-on part of the duo - and Shota is a little... in the background 😂 (That's mainly because I'm not the biggest Eraser fan out there, though. And I just can't see him doing anything too drastic. I think he'd be very aware of his situation as a yandere, but that's off-topic rn haha) In every bit and make do (which have piss, so not everyone's cup of tea haha), Mic is definitely a disgusting, mean and very pushy man, but he's also stupidly in love with you - but in those two fics you play along and do whatever he says. Now that you mention it, a fic with him where he absolutely loses it is definitely something I can put on my to-do list - I haven't written properly for these two in six weeks or so and I already miss them, haha. (Also, add-on: I didn't add context to 'make do', but I think that in that situation he would be the driving force behind absolutely defiling reader. That man wears so much leather and is modeled after your run-of-the-mill rockstar, of course he has rather unsavory tastes. He wants everything you can give him and trust me - you will.) Wow now I feel like I have talked so much but I didn't say anything at all, actually 😂

[yumpty-dumpty-inactive]

ppspspsp anon who asked the question, AND IM SO GLAD TO HEAR THAT- JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE!! anyways, big big gay crush on Sara rn and wanted to ask for some relationship hcs about her, both sfw and nsfw, if thats alright?? ((note- for the nsfw part can you write about how she is when she's a top and when she's a bottom??? anjnhubHNCDHFHNTHIS PART IS OPTIONAL SO DW)

yumpty talks: aaa hello my love ;___;!! oml i have a big gay crush on her as well...hmu let's be moots. these are SFW headcanons, let me know what you think! <3

---

characters included: kujou sara <3

---

pronouns: gender-neutral <3

---

headcanons below the cut <3

first off, sara loves you with all of her heart. she's dedicated to making you feel safe and happy, and would do anything to protect you, even if it means giving her life

you're a major source of inspiration for her, inspiring her to become a kinder and more considerate person

her favorite part of you is your personality, and how devoted you are to what you love, just like she is

she's also 100% an ass woman fight me.

whether you're a guy or girl, she loves your ass.

she'll lay her face in it, squeeze it, kiss it, goddamn she worships the thing

when cuddling is brought into the picture, she's pretty neutral towards it.

she loves wrapping her arms around you while you sleep, but she won't drag you away just to cuddle at random times

she likes laying with you, but she refers to it as "laying with you",, not cuddling-

dates are pretty rare, but when they happen, they're very carefully planned out, and are really fun

you take turns planning dates, and sara low-key freaks out when it's her turn.

she may not act like it, but thoughts like, "will they like this?" "would they enjoy this?" and "is this good enough for them?" are constantly running through her mind.

sara isn't the biggest on expressing emotion, but with you it's different.

she still talks dryly, but her words are much more caring, and it sounds like she actually cares, rather than fake compassion.

she also low-key wants to start a family with you, and dreams of one day retiring from the army to settle down with you. she wants to have a son and a daughter, and already has names picked out so you don't have to worry about it </3

she also LOVES gift-giving, it's one of her love languages.

when she goes out on missions, she'll bring you small gifts, like some flowers she saw when walking back to camp, a feather of a rare bird she found, or a gemstone she found in a cave <3

if you ever got hurt, well, let's just say they're already dead as soon as you walk in the door. she will do anything to defend you as I said earlier, even if it means giving her life.

her kisses are soft and loving, but also passionate and intimate at the same time

her favorite memory of you two is that date you two went on one spring, and you saw all of the cherry blossoms blooming on the shogun's estate.

you looked so ethereal in the sunlight, skin glowing and hair flowing in the soft breeze.

as for pet names, my love, darling, and my personal favorite, sweet pea are all things she calls you. literally, she calls you sweet pea all the time and it's so damn cute-

she also has NO SHAME in saying it, and has called you sweet pea in front of the shogun before.

it was just out of habit, and she immediately began apologizing but baal low-key thought it was FUNNY-

sara is also a very open lover, and will tell you everything.

one problem she has though, is she lets anxiety build up within her, and once it gets to a breaking point, she'll break down and talk about everything that's bothering her.

she's trying to be even more open, but war stuff can get really stressful for her :(

might as well put this out there, you guys didn't get together for YEARS-

she had no intention of confessing to you until one day it slipped out-

then you agreed to date her, and this was literally her face:

ヽ(ﾟｰﾟ*ヽ)

MEANWHILE, HER SOLDIERS ARE DYING IN THE BACKGROUND HAHA-

sara is also able to read you very well, and takes mental notes of EVERYTHING you like and dislike.

basically, if you're feeling down, she's gotchu </3

she also low-key loves to show you off because she's just like that-

ヽ(ﾟｰﾟ*ヽ) (ﾉ*ﾟｰﾟ)ﾉ

[ahtsumu]

atsumu: 1, kevin: 0 ; miya atsumu

↳ pairing: miya atsumu x professional women’s volleyball player!reader

↳ synopsis: miya atsumu realises that he’s tired of keeping your relationship “low-key” with a little help from an overzealous fanboy.

↳ genre(s): fluff, humour!!

↳ warning(s): profanity

↳ length: 1.5k words

↳ a/n: surprise!!! lol i have way too many wips rn especially with requests but i wrote this as a little break from all the angst and stuff hence the cheesiness ☺️ enjoy!!

Miya Atsumu was caught in a kerfuffle.

Earlier that day, the twenty-three-year-old setter for the MSBY Black Jackals made the executive decision to come to watch you–– his Mario Kart player number two, his houseplant co-parent, the air-guitarist to his air-drummer, the Karaoke Night pink-lyric-singer to his blue–– kick some volleyball ass in the V. League Division 1 Women's Volleyball Tournament finals. 

The problem?

You played wing spiker for the Schweiden Falkes. 

There was nothing problematic about being a wing spiker on a Division One volleyball team. What was problematic, however, was that the Schweiden Falkes was the sister team of the Black Jackals’ sworn enemy, the Schweiden Adlers. To rub more salt in the wound, the Adlers had won every single game against the Jackals since Atsumu joined (not that they hadn’t prior to his arrival). And to make matters even worse, as one of the nation’s most sought-after athletes, he had to “appeal to both investors and the general population”. Miya Atsumu was supposed to be a marketable bachelor. And he was not.

Miya Atsumu was also not supposed to be at the finals of the women’s volleyball tournament. 

That was the biggest problem of them all. So maybe, actually, Miya Atsumu was mildly ensnared in a few kerfuffles.

The two of you had agreed to keep your relationship low-key from the start and were nearing two years of private, domestic bliss. Questions about each other in interviews were responded to with short and nondescript replies. Outings in public were conducted without physical contact. And despite how Twitter was almost a diary to Atsumu, he’d never once tweeted your name in his life. But as dull as your relationship seemed in public, the two of you were a different story in private. In private, he would find any way to touch you–– a hand in your back pocket, your legs draped atop his thighs, soft lips trailing up from the neck to each other. In private, sweet nothings were proclaimed and not whispered, laughter bubbled like a stream that never ran dry, and Atsumu said your name over and over again like it was habit.

But that didn’t change the fact that, right now, Miya Atsumu was not supposed to be in the nosebleeds of the Sendai City Gymnasium, even if he was hundreds of meters away from the nearest camera.

All the bigger kerfuffles fell quickly to the back of his mind, however, when a smaller and more irritating one presented itself to him. 

A snotty voice declared one row behind Atsumu’s hooded head, “Oi, you’re in the way of the view, jerk.”

Normally, Atsumu would have turned around with an equally cocky sneer on his chiselled features, “the fuck did you just call me?” locked and loaded behind clenched teeth. But when he turned around ready to deliver that exact line, he saw through his black shades that the owner of said snotty voice was none other than a scrawny prepubescent boy.

And that boy (along with the two equally snot-faced twerps beside him) was wearing your jersey number. Suddenly, all the irritation left Atsumu’s face. Was this your little fan club? A wicked cackle threatened to leap out his mouth. They were so annoying. But also, he mused, kinda cute.

“Was I?” he asked with an innocent expression on his face. It was the same one he used when Osamu would accuse him of stealing his clothes (he totally had), or when you would accuse him of eating the last slice of cake in the fridge (he totally did). “I hadn’t realised.” He really hadn’t. He just wanted to milk this for as long as he could.

“Yeah, you were.” The kid crossed his arms, glaring down at the shady guy one row below. “I can’t see the game anymore.”

“Oops–– my bad.”

“Shut up, Kevin, you were watching Y/N!” one of the brats exclaimed, punching Kevin’s shoulder.

Oh? “Yer a fan of Y/N, hmmm?”

“She’s pretty,” Kevin said immediately, shrugging. He just said it out loud like that? So easily? With a subtle wince, Atsumu thought back to the ridiculously long time before he’d admitted his ‘smidge of a crush’ on you. Yeah, unlike you, stupid. “I’m gonna marry her someday.”

At that, Atsumu’s competitive streak jolted awake. He felt himself sober up a little. Not if I marry her first, you little shit.

Bidding the trio goodbye with a bright grin, he turned around and strolled out of the stands. But he didn’t stop there. He stepped into the elevator and rode it straight down to ground level, sailed through the athlete’s entrance with a swipe of his card, and jogged his way to the side of your team bench, making it just in time to see you spike the setpoint past one of their player’s outstretched arms. 

It landed straight on the baseline.

The roar of the stadium scattered into hushed whispers. No one moved. “In,” Atsumu growled under his breath, tapping his feet against the floor. “In in in in in––” He clenched his hands into fists. If they don’t count that as in… 

Finally, the line judge pointed her arms down. The referee nodded.

And all around him, the crowd erupted into cheers.

As confetti fell from above and the Falkes’ victory song began to play, you ran from the court and into a celebratory team hug, screaming ecstatically in each other’s faces. Atsumu, beaming, ducked out of view, not wanting to steal that glorious feeling of a victory hard-earned from you or your teammates. But when the cheering died down, when the hug dispersed, when the television crews started slithering in your direction, he returned to his position behind the bench. And suddenly regretted all the decisions that had led him to that very spot.

Admittedly, Atsumu hadn’t considered the possibility that you wouldn’t want him at your game, but now, standing just metres away from you, he did. His hands suddenly felt very cold and equally moist.

As if on cue, your teary gaze landed on his figure. Your eyes were narrowed in what seemed like a warning. (Really, you were just trying to see better through your tears.)

Oh, no.

Atsumu spun around to make a run for it. At that moment, however, one of the coach’s assistants who’d been sent away to run an errand returned, barrelling through the same door he was heading towards. 

Colliding in a spectacularly embarrassing fashion, Atsumu’s sunglasses flew from his face and his hood blew off from the force of the impact. Disguise in tatters, he could only turn around sheepishly around his hands stretched out, palms up like a magician at the end of a trick.

“Surprise?”

Maybe it was the rush of victory still fresh in your bloodstream or maybe it was simply your brain going haywire, but with complete disregard for you and Atsumu’s original agreement, you ran towards him and leaped into his arms.

“Woah,” he wheezed, instinctively pulling you closer into his chest. “Was not expectin’ that.”

“You’re so stupid,” you murmured, nuzzling your face into his neck. “What are you up to, ‘Tsumu?”

“Unkerfufflin’ myself,” was all he said before gently setting you down. His eyes darted over to the place where Kevin and his gremlins had been and, when he realised that spotting them from here would be useless, lazily flapped a hand in their general direction.

“Some brat said he was gonna marry ya,” Atsumu explained after seeing your brows crease. “I felt I had the duty to save ya from that disaster.”

“By?”

Atsumu blanked. “Er, I, uh, hadn’t thought of that part, actually. I didn’t think you’d be happy to see me here, y’know, considerin’ our agreement and that look on yer face ya had earlie––”

Rolling your eyes, you yanked on his hood, bringing his lips down to yours. His arms snaked around your waist as he deepened the kiss–– he couldn’t help it, it was a knee-jerk reaction by now–– without so much as a second's consideration for the reporters that had swarmed around you like ants to honey. 

You pulled away just a few beats later, both breathless.

“What was that for?” he asked with his forehead pressed against yours. Despite being doused in the blinding flash of cameras and deafened by the barrage of questions shot in your direction, the two of you continued to speak as if you were in your own little world.

“You were about to word-vomit on camera and give Osamu a lifetime’s supply of blackmail,” you replied, giggling. “I thought I’d save you from that disaster.”

Hearing his words come out from your mouth, Atsumu’s eyes waned into little moons. “Consider me saved, doll.”

The noise around you grew louder. You sighed, knowing that the two of you would have a lot to deal with later. As if reading your mind, Atsumu intertwined your hands. I got you. And the unease receded. You’d figure it out together.

“Y/N! Y/N! Are you pregnant?”

“Y/N! Atsumu! When are you two getting married?”

“Can you tell us anything about that steamy kiss?!”

A shit-eating grin crawled onto Atsumu’s face as he grabbed the microphone from that last reporter. “Gladly,” he said, looking into the camera.

“How’s that for bein��� in yer way, Kevin?”

And for the next few hours that the world spent having a meltdown over Kevin’s identity, you and Atsumu remained blissfully tucked away in the comfort of your apartment, playing Mario Kart, baking celebratory cookies to the High School Musical soundtrack, falling asleep to the sound of each other’s heartbeats.

[i-moved-blogs-ffs]

Danganronpa request can a reader who is really kind and a sweetheart adopt the warriors of hope and helpem to forget they traumas and also can the reader beat the hell up the warriors of hope parents after everything they done to those innocents children's please

Of course, my darling! I love the WoH so much- I adopted them too, they're your adoptive siblings now so you all gotta get along ok-

These are probably gonna spiral into parenting headcanons because I cannot help myself- just let these kiddos have a happy home life man- :(

TW for mentions of abuse. It's nothing explicit, but it can be upsetting to some. Please be cautious.

Anyways, let's get started!

- 🌸🍭mod mikan🍭🌸

S/O adopting the WoH!

Now, we all know these kiddos had a bad time.

They were all abused in different ways, neglected, put down to the lowest point they could be.

Junko was like a light at the end of the tunnel for them, a savior - someone who cared, someone who they could trust, someone who loved them. But it was all lies.

She didn't care.

They couldn't trust her.

She didn't love them.

But then, you came around. At first, they thought you were like every other demon; evil, cold and uncaring.

And yet, there was this warmth radiating off of you... Almost like another light they could chase to get to true joy.

After Komaru and Toko defeated each of them, they felt lost. What were they supposed to do now that their empire has failed? Were the adults going to punish them, by abusing and taking advantage of them even further?

The group wandered the streets of Towa City, alone, hiding from every adult they could see and fending for themselves.

However, they stumbled upon you and Komaru. You two have been actively looking for them after finding out they survived.

But the reason why you were looking for them, was pretty unexpected.

You wanted to take them in as your own. They were just kids after all, no matter how much they tried to make themselves seem bigger. You wanted to help them, teach them that not everyone will hurt them, because they deserve to be loved like any other child does.

And so, they went with you. Very reluctantly mind you, but they didn't have much of a choice.

And as time went on, they opened up to you, one by one. And soon, you guys became like a happy family.

Somewhat dysfunctional, but still happy family.

Ok so, origin story's out of the way, now let's get in a bit deeper-

Parenting the Warriors is pretty hard- they each have something about themselves that you need to keep in mind.

And besides, taking care of 5 children wouldn't be easy even if they weren't traumatized-

You have to be patient, warm and kind to them, and to you that's no problem!

I would imagine Masaru would be the first to let his guard down around you, because he could tell that you weren't a bad person from the start.

He would start to admire you greatly, seeing you as the only cool adult around!!

He's always trying to impress you or get your attention because of that. And you always give him praise, telling him he's the most awesome kiddo ever!!

He always gets a bit bashful when you do, scratching his head as an "awhh, shucks!", escaping his lips.

He's very fond of you! He wants to do the things you do, like trying out your hobbies or imitating your mannerisms. He just wants to be as cool as you are.

While it is cute, you have to teach him that he's only the best when he's himself!

Kotoko was probably the second to open up. The first thing she noticed is that you never, ever used her trigger word in a sentence, not even on accident. You always used words like "soft", "tender" or "mallow", maybe even "delicate".

Not me looking up synonyms on thesaurus.com rn shHDHS

Like Masaru, her initial gut reaction always told her you were a good person, but the walls she had built up just couldn't let you in right away.

And when she does get comfortable, she becomes super clingy. She's almost as fond of you as Masaru is, honestly-

She always goes to you for any sort of help. She feels like you're the only person she can trust 100%, whether it be with her feelings or some other problem.

You're like- the only person who she's super nice to all the time. She used to be like that with Monaca, until you took them in.

Actually, speaking of that, they completely stopped literally worshipping Monaca's every move once you entered their lives.

Now, next up is Jataro. He initially thought you hated his every move, and that you only took him in because of pity.

But, you were proving him wrong every day. Going out of your way to talk to him, being so incredibly kind that it made his heart hurt.

You always help him out with his art! He loves when you sit down and paint, sculpt or draw with him, even if you're not artistic yourself. He feels like he's wanted, and all of that self-hatred almost completely washes away.

The biggest moment was when you finally convinced him to take off his mask. And when he did, you could tell he was way happier.

You two burned the mask together, leaving that part of his life behind you and turning over a new leaf.

And because of your influence, the rest of the kids are way nicer to him as well now!

Nagisa was the fourth one to take his guard down.

He saw how much Masaru, Kotoko and Jataro trusted you, and after observing you further, he began to see why.

He was always very distant from you, and you respected that. So, you were pleasantly surprised when he suddenly started going out of his way to help you, talk to you or spend time with you. However, you never questioned it, which made him relieved.

It's like you two silently agreed that you were cool with eachother.

He's very mature for his age, so he's the first one to try and help you with regular day-to-day tasks, even without you asking for said help.

Mans over here about to start doing your taxes HDHDH-

You always tell him to chill out, but he insists. He knows how much trouble he and his adoptive siblings are making for you, and it's his own way of thanking you.

Now, Monaca's a little interesting.

At first she was only pretending to care about you, like she did with the rest of the Warriors, but after a while she genuinely grew to love both you and her siblings.

She doesn't like the fact she cares one bit, but she can't help it.

She still has very manipulative tendencies, but you always see through them and her lies. You call her out on it, but never berate her.

She's very kiss ass-y, I guess?? Always complimenting you for the smallest reasons and calling you sweet nicknames.

She sometimes just wants to make you mess up to try and get herself to stop caring-

Like whenever a problem comes up, she always goes, "S/O can fix it!😌🙏 Our (affectionate parental term) dearest can do anything!🥰💞" and the rest of the kids are like "yah!!💖💕" because they love and support you while you're just there like🧍

Because no you can't rebuild the economy do you look like bob the fucking builder-

AnywaY their parents are already dead, so you guys beat up H*ji instead. :)

Ah, family bonding time. 💕

And done!! I love these little spawns of satan so much you guys don't even know- this was literally so fun to write that I think I got carried away a bit hshGhd- I hope this is ok!

Make sure to wash your hands, stay hydrated, take any meds you may need to and stay safe! You were so brave, have a lollipop! 🍭

[jojolovenotes]

Okokok I know I already mentioned graduation in my letter to Nara

However

I'm beaming rn imagining my F/Os and OCs showing up at my graduation because they're all just so. Proud of me 🥺

Narancia and Anastasia are running up and giving me the biggest hug, and Narancia's crying a little bit because even though he wasn't able to graduate (yet), he knew I could do it with just how brilliant I am. He even asks if I can help tutor him, and of course I'm more than happy to!! Anastasia is holding my face and giving me a big ol kiss on the cheek, it's her way of telling me she's so proud of me!! They're definitely the ones cheering the loudest as I walk up to accept my diploma.

Rohan and Mihiro pat me on the back and say that they had no doubt I could do it. They know it's been a wild ride for me, so they wanna congratulate me by writing a one shot in my honor! It's filled with metaphors for the actual experiences I've been through, with a protagonist just as bright, kind, and courageous as myself!

Next up to give me a suffocating bear hug are Josuke, Okuyasu and Bonnie!! Since I'm continuing my beauty school program and moving on to the college side of cosmetology, Josuke agrees that I can do his hair later on (but just once). Okuyasu has a special lunch planned for me after the ceremony, and Bonnie films the ceremony as a memory that'll last forever.

Kafumi and Joshu give me a good amount of graduation money (provided of course by Norisuke), and invite me over to the Higashikata household over the weekend to celebrate!!

Overall, my F/Os and OCs are like my family now, and they've gotten me through some pretty tough times. High school has been quite the bizarre adventure for me, and I'm so proud of myself for getting through it. It's time for me to start a new chapter in my life, and I'll for sure be bringing my lil JoJo family along with me. And of course, thank you, Berry, for being one of the people to see my OCs develop and grow, and thank you for giving me a place to gush. It means the world to me <333

Delta 🤍

Aww that’s so sweet! Of course your f/os and ocs would be very proud of you! 

Aww, these thoughts are so sweet thanks for sharing them! But of course they would all be very proud of your accomplishments and continue to support you in your future endeavors! I really liked what you said about Josuke agreeing that you can do his hair later ( but just once) :P Such a Josuke thing to say.

I get that! OCs and F/Os can be very personal and can get us through some tough times so I feel you there. Aw, of course! It’s no problem of course I enjoy hearing about your OCs development and hearing you gush about your ocs. You’re very welcome! <3

Also congrats on graduating!! 

[prome-th3us]

I thought a lot about how I should set up this part of the series, if I should give a mythological background or not, and I came to the conclusion that no, I won't do that right now. I will talk about the Greek and the Norse Pantheons when I will be free from exams, but for now I will just give my personal experience with the Gods and how we've built our relationship during those years together.

Here you can find the rest of you are curious 💜

My dieties: Hekate

She has been the first diety for me (I mean I had Loki around but hey I didn't know yet). As I said in the previous part, she's one of the guardians of our family, so she has been with me since I was born too.

When I first started getting into paganism, it was natural for me to call out for her, I didn't have any doubt that the Goddess I was seeking for was her, and she didn't disappoint me.

She has always been present since I started to notice her energy, whenever I needed or I was calling out for her, she was right by my side. We've been through the worst time of my life together and even if I wasn't able to have a dialogue with her, I was never alone. She uses to touch my head when she's there and this is what made me know at that time that she was here with me.

Considering her loving presence and how many problems I have with my mum, with time I started to consider her a motherly figure and now she's the only goddess I'm "working" with and the only one that I trust (I have serious problems with trusting women in general, it takes me a lot of time and effort).

I can describe her like the goth mum who likes to hype her son/daugher and wants them to be their truly self: fascinating, intriguing and dangerous. Her energy is dark, powerful, but also very calm and fascinating, like a particular perfume; I associate her with with a mixture of spices and other smells: vanilla, lavender, incense, cypress, sandalwood, nutmeg. Like all together, it's very particular. The Goth Mum does smell good.

My work with her

We don't actually work together but she isn't here without doing anything. Considering that she is a goddess related to the Underworld and, to make it short, basically the main goddess who were invoked for necromancy rites, she had been helping me a lot to get in touch with spirits and how to behave with them.

She's also a protector of the household, so even though I consider her my foster mum basically, she always wanted me to get back to my real mother: for a long time I didn't want to, until my therapist made me do that too and when things get harsh, she's always there to give me courage and love. Also, she's the one who keeps away the bad guys, both "friends" and strangers: she made me do a wooden guardian with this specific intent as an offering for her. Jerry is outside near her altar.

She's a goddess and she embodies a strong and independent woman, as a lot of other goddesses: she knows my struggles with my gender and how much Loki helped me with it, and even though she knows that I don't really need labels for who I am she wants me to get in touch with my woman-side. She doesn't want to make me become a woman: she loves what I am and she respects that, but at the same time she knows how important it is to get in touch with both our feminine and masculine sides (we all have these two polarities and we should normalize this topic). We are currently working on this together, how I perceive femininity on me and on the others as well as working on its archetypes. Just let me say this: it has been months since we started and I'm still genderfluid but hey, I've never felt more comfortable in my body and in my mind, I'm just feeling in harmony with what I really am and I'm so fricking exited to start to balance both polarities (i've always been more on the masculine side), I'm sure it will be AMAZING.

I also perceive her as the goddess of choices: she is associated with crossroads and this is a place in which you choose your path, both physically and spiritually. Everyone at a certain point has to make a choice: she's there watching over us. She will never tell you if you're making the right choice because she knows that this is up to your free will, but she will always be there, challenging you to take those steps alone. This is what she taught me: I never got at advice from her about my spiritual and life paths, because she wanted me to be able to get through decisions alone, but this doesn't mean that she wasn't actually ready to help me if I really needed. She is a diety who will make you cross your own boundaries, just like Loki, and she will bring you to the edges of your personal reality: you will start questioning everything and everyone, every choice you make, until you understand that this isn't the point. She isn't thinking when she is crossing the line between the material and the spiritual world: she is using her intuition and this ability comes mostly from experience. This doesn't mean that she won't teach you anything: she taught me a lot of things but she never said when I was wrong nor she got angry. She patiently waited until I realized and then we had a talk about it. That's also why I consider her a mother: she gives me the independence I deserve but she's never distant and she's always ready to intervene if I mess up too bad.

For example, one day I really wanted to try necromancy. I knew it was a bad idea but hey, I just can't think about anything else when I get hyper fixated. While Loki and Hades were so concerned because I wasn't obviously ready and were trying to change my mind, she came and said:"let her do what she wants. If she's not scared, why not? And anyways it's better since we are here now. My dear, come with me and tell me what you had in mind". My idea was obviously terrible, it was just trying to remake what Odysseus did, but I tried anyway. I still don't know if I messed up or if I got really scared and my body reacted in this way, but I had this sharp pain on my right shoulder in the middle of the ritual. I started to have migraine and feeling nauseous as well (this was probably my anxiety or the fricking pain but ok). Loki and Hades were here as well but she made them swear that they wouldn't get involved unless she asked for their help. She came near me, touched my shoulder, and turned her key in the air. I immediately felt better except for the shoulder, since that day it's hurting from time to time. She looked at me and said:"sweetheart, I suppose we both agree on not doing this again for a long time, right? " Nothing else. This is how she teaches me things.

She does help tho if I explicitly ask: in spells especially. I had to do this protection spell which was active, not passive: this means that instead of just giving protection, it would do something to the person crossing her boundaries. She gave me that spell and it was my first time doing that, so I asked for her help. The spell lasted three hours and her candle was basically non existent when we started: that little flame lasted until I sealed the spell, to let me know she heard my call.

She is also the one who taught me that witchcraft isn't always safe: with a lot of spells are going to change the reality around you, this is what you are doing them for. She didn't go easy with me: we were doing basic spells together, but soon enough I learned that they can have bad consequences on your life, and she didn't help me fixing anything because I had to learn how to do that by myself. Thanks to her my practice is completely gray: one day I can do a self-love spell or a protection sachet and the next day I can throw an hex on someone who really did bad to me (please don't be moralistic: it's bad and everything, but trust me when I say that they deserve every inch of that hex. They made me go through a lot with my parents when I didn't do anything and still my relationship with them isn't ok due to those guys, so yeah). But as I said, mostly there's a price to pay and I know I will deal with the consequences sooner or later, the solution is the balance between those two aspects of my craft: dark and light always go together, that's the biggest lesson she gave me.

So yeah, at the beginning of my path she was very present and rn she took over Loki a little because I really needed to work on my feminine polarity, but we're doing this every Sunday (she gives me homework for the rest of the week), for the rest of the time I can perceive her coming to say hi, but mostly she doesn't interact with me unless it's needed. She's always watching, but from distance, that's because I call her guardian.

How I honor her

During the day I wear a key that I consecrated to her using her candle, so she knows that I always think about her.

When I do my makeup or I express my femininity, I say a little prayer to her because I'm honouring our work together.

As I do for the other Gods, I give her offerings:

Herbal tea

Moon water

Normal water

White wine

Dried fruits

Some sweets (just when I don't have anything else, she doesn't really like them that much)

A lot of keys

Some collectible dog figurines

Some jewelry I don't use anymore

Amethyst

Rocks

Purple flowers

Dry leaves/flowers

Basically that's all about the material offerings. For the rest of the time, I keep in mind what she did for me so I try to behave like she taught me during this time.

[rrrawrf-writes]

lordy lordy loo it’s been a hot minute since i’ve made an original post, i forgot where the button was

so. some of you may have seen the stuff running around about violetvineyard and mvcreates, some of you may not have. i’m just gonna lay out my experiences here, now that other people are talking about it and now that the server has been deleted. i’m gonna try to present a fair and nuanced version; i’m not gonna include screenshots (right now) bc i’m lazy, mostly.

there are several other people who are putting up way better breakdowns than i am. i just figured i might as well toss mine onto the pile bc why not? but if you’re hoping to hear from me a story about how i’ve been wronged, per se, you won’t find much of one, because i played mainly a spectator role, and never had much trouble there. i will have a vague, lukewarm defense of some of the people involved that other people may not agree with, but again, this is all just the whole VV deal from my point of view.

@nuwuhorizons (i haven’t said how dang much i lOVE your url) and @sapiencenotes have very good receipts and breakdowns. if you want a more in-depth (and dramatic, forgive me for using the word, i’m not trying to downplay this), check them out. @time-to-write-and-suffer also has some great stuff on their blog about all of this.

all righty. so. i joined VV not right at the beginning, but soon after it was started. there was an application process, i got accepted, i was looking for a community to help me start writing more. (it didn’t help, but that’s not their fault, that’s mine.) the person who owned the server was called mina, and on tumblr, mina’s url was mvcreates. mina is a nonbinary Muslim woman of color, a professional who i believe works at harvad and deals a lot with things like infectious diseases, iirc. she was doing a whole lot of work when the pandemic came around, and so the past few months wasn’t quite as active as she had been at the start, both on the server and tumblr. 

the very first time mina came on my radar, before i joined vv, was because she had corrected someone’s typo on a post, and it stirred up a minor drama about “don’t give unsolicited criticism” and “is pointing out minor errors like that okay” and blahblahblah. i ran across that on a friend’s dash, and also ran across the promo for vv from that friend’s dash, as well, and joined bc y not.

everything was p cool for a while. it was nice to meet some new people and some of my mutuals on there. mina seemed like a fun person. she was about a year, year and a half, maybe, older than i am. the first things that kind of started rubbing me wrong at the start was how she would kind of dismiss suggestions for the server than i and a friend had, and how she kept bringing up her age - she would often say things like “well i wouldn’t do that but i’m an Old(TM) so maybe i just don’t get it” and i can’t really explain why that bothered me. i think it felt dismissive, like Younger Folks Don’t Know How Things Should Work. also, like. she kept bringing it up. as if it meant something, as if plenty of us on that server weren’t actually around her age. there was a convo on vaccinations where i wanted to make the point that a lot of anti-vaxxers should be educated instead of ridiculed and shamed, but i never really got to making that point bc she jumped in very sharply and explained that anti-vaxxers all come from a class of people who are generally educated. i didn’t bother saying anything else. 

at the start, it was tiny little things like that. i chalked it up to her personality and mine just not quite matching up. i sat down a lot and examined my own internal biases, bc i knew something was bugging me, but i couldn’t tell if it was legitimate, or if i was jealous and petty, or if i was being discriminatory towards her identity. i still wonder that a lot; i want to be careful that i’m examining her actions here, and not the person who made those actions.

because the other thing that bothered me was that she was perfect at pretty much everything. she was a decent, if not good, writer, from what i read. i thought her “art”/edits were neat, even if sometimes i looked at them going “that just looks like an edit, not your own art, but u kno, edits are art too, so i’m not gonna say anything.” she had a lot of motivation, a lot of ambition. soon, this kind of transferred over into me feeling like she acted like she had to be perfect at everything. i think this is probably one of the more “lisa is just being petty” things, rather than a judgement on her character, but she seemed to flaunt her own skills and accomplishments a lot. not that no one is allowed to brag sometimes! but it was just another layer of “this bothers me.”

then there was the hero worship.

people in the server loved mina. i liked her. i had no problems with her, even if there were a few things i was a little “ehhhh” about. vv got pretty big, pretty quickly, and i assume there was a decent amount of turnover and people who just joined to lurk or sometimes share things in the promos channel or elsewhere. but the most active folks just. they adored mina with every fiber of their being. mina could do no wrong. no one ever called her out on anything; everything she did was hailed as fantastic and wonderful. and honestly, for the most part, it wasn’t like she was doing crappy stuff. some of the praise was well-deserved, imo, but it just bordered on embarrassing for some of these people, how much they just worshipped the ground she walked on.

and she didn’t really like, discourage it. like, at the start, i think i remember her being more modest, but in general, she just let it go, and so did i, bc like. i aint that kinda jerk.

the stated purpose of violetvineyard was to have a community that valued reciprocity. reciprocity was mina’s biggest thing. there was a channel for people to post their stuff on, so the rest of us could browse and read and reblog. i, admittedly, didn’t do as much of that as i wish i did, but part of it was because i do have a life outside of the internet, a memory and attention span the size of a gnat, and because like. 90% of the stuff that people put in the promos channel were things like edits, writeblr intros, wip intros, etc etc, when all i wanted was to just read some actual writing. but that’s neither here nor there. what got hilarious to me, though, was whenever mina’s fervent admirers would talk about how mina was, quote, a pillar of the community. how vv was doing something No Other Writeblr Group Had Done Before. how Important and Special this server was.

folks. i’ve been on here for several years now. we don’t have a community. we have a bunch of little cliques who reblog from their friends and complain about people not reblogging them. noah fence, but come on. vv got pretty dang big, but it was still a small corner of a small section of tumblr. like. sorry, all y’all, but them’s the breaks.

also, this was hilarious to me bc there are several big writeblrs who have been running around long before mina and vv showed up. yet, according to these people in the server, mina had Single-handedly Brought Hope To This Desolate Wasteland.

in the end, vv became just another little clique whose members reblogged from their friends. i don’t want to devalue the good that did come out of vv. a lot of the picture being painted rn was that the majority of the server were scary dog-piling people. the majority of the server were just writeblrs looking to promo their stuff and talk about their writing. unfortunately, few bad apples, bad rep, negatives outshine positives, etc etc. but i think it did do some good re: exposure for a few folks, even tho it didn’t turn into what it could have been. 

another one of the things that was a minor irritant to me was that they eventually started archiving the vent channel, which was probably the most-used channel. that didn’t sit right to me, but as always, i was a coward had nothing to say about it, so i didn’t. the reason given was that there were often things in the vent channel that people might regret being there, so it was periodically archived and a fresh channel started.

so i’m rambling a lot about stuff that’s probably boring and inconsequential. that’s 90% of this whole vv thing, tho, you need to understand that. 

the biggest thing that bothered me about mina, i think, came about from the constant hero worship from her adoring fans. and i know there’s a whole argument to be said about expecting labor from people with marginalized identities, which is an argument i agree with - don’t expect someone of a minority group to educate you or to face trauma or to shut down bigots, etc etc. but by now, mina had a lot of followers in general, and in specific, she had quite a few people who would defend her at every single perceived slight.

she made a lot of those fun writeblr reblog games, like “send me a fruit that says this about my writing.” those were cool, i’ll admit that. but she was super into “you have to send an ask to the person you reblog from, RECIPROCITY!!!!!!!!!!!” and seemed to struggle with the fact that sometimes, people don’t follow her established rules on her posts for these games. she’d complain about it every single time that happened in the vent channel, which, again, that’s fine? that’s what vents are for, it’s annoying to not get cool fun asks when you do these games, but also, that’s life for you. she could depend on her fans to send her plenty of asks, whereas the much smaller blogs who reblogged these games would probably get f-all, half the time. if you’ve gone through nuwuhorizons or one of the other blogs i mentioned earlier, you’ll have run across the incident where mina’s friends harrassed an 11 year old for not doing her ask game right.

an eleven year old. 

and this is my biggest grief with mina. she only stopped her friends from dogpiling people... once? maybe twice? that i remember. and not only that, but there were SEVERAL occasions where she would get on the vent channel, complain about someone who had said something wrong on one of her posts (and sometimes, again, these were legitimate!), and then ask if someone in the server wanted to reply to them. reasons for such ranged from “i’m too busy rn” to “they would probably listen more to a white person than me.”

again. this, on occasion, is not necessarily a bad thing. we cannot expect labor and response from minorities. my issue was that she kept doing this. and sometimes it was fine, just someone who would drop a note on the post or send a polite anon. but this, to me, the whole asking someone else to fight your battles for you? that really bothered me. mina is a grown adult. either ignore it, like the rest of us chumps, or deal with it yourself. having friends support you is not a bad thing - if i was attacked on tumblr and my friends jumped in to defend me, i’m cool with that. but i wouldn’t ask them to, and then not do anything myself.

to me, this attitude just encourages dogpiling. this felt like she was taking advantage of the people admiring her so whole-heartedly, and using them to deal with minor grievances. (again, i don’t want to downplay some of the actual racism and xenophobia she experienced on this website, because there was some pretty sketchy stuff that did need someone else stepping in to object to. but then there was “ugh this person asked me what program i use to make my music and i don’t want to answer them bc that’s rude,” and stuff of that caliber. like, mina, you built yourself a pretty big following here on tumblr, you don’t get to complain when people are trying to ask you questions and engage with you when you set yourself up as a knowledgeable person on a subject.)

i’m going to mention @gingerly-writing because she already made a post on the subject, but there was an instance where we were in the vent channel and watched a lot of mina’s friends send anons and reblogs of a hurtful nature to one person. eventually, ginger stepped in to say “hey, i don’t think we need to keep doing this, they are a minor,” and after she did so, i also jumped in, saying something along the lines of, “yeah, i’ve seen this kind of stuff blow up in another server and end in a really regrettable situation where no one was happy, can we stop.” both ginger and i received a private message from the mods (individually) saying that we shouldn’t police the chat, etc etc. not during that message, but on the vent channel, another mod jumped in to say that the people dogpiling the blogger were also minors. as if that makes it okay, and isn’t actually extremely worrying in its own right.

after that, i pretty much took a stance of “all right then i just won’t say anything at all.” i stuck around vv because i hated myself actually really liked a few of the others in the server, including a couple of the mods who are actually really cool people, not all the vv mods are sketch, and because honestly? i lowkey knew that vv was going to crash and burn sometime, and i wanted to be there to watch what happened. due to the pandemic, and her line of work, mina became less active, and the whole server died down a bit. 

then someone reblogged one of mina’s ‘art’ posts and accused her of tracing. mina’s admirers immediately jumped into action. nuwuhorizons has it pretty well documented on their blog. there was nothing in the server about it, except one of the others said “oh man i saw that and it pissed me off,” there was some minor chat, and then i woke up and wanted to know what had happened, and was told “don’t worry about it.”

so, naturally, bc the only thing i thirst for is water and Drama(TM), i went looking for it.

found it on some of mina’s friend’s blogs, where i found who had reblogged and said mina was tracing, and followed those reblog chains, where several of mina’s followers attacked the accuser and made fun of their name and age and defended mina, pulling out progress videos and stuff of mina’s work. the accuser was trans and still a teenager, even if technically an adult, so that made things a lot worse. mina eventually posted something explaining that she was pencil tracing and had a very cheery, false-positive tone to the whole thing.

things sorta ended at that, but then maybe the same day, or the day after, user hyba made that big ol post about the Big Scary Tumblr Mirror Website Copying All Your Good, Hard Work. mina and her friends jumped on this. they threw it in the server and talked about things like intellectual property rights and “i don’t like how this makes me feel :(” and from there, went in to how tumblr was a terrible garbage site and then mina and most of the mod team decided that it was time to pack up VV and leave tumblr completely. 

pretty much everyone i know were mina’s besties have vanished off tumblr. mina made an announcement that VV was “migrating” off tumblr and discord(???) and dropped another application to join the great vv migration. i did not apply bc i just have too freaking much going on in my life and needed to get out of this for the sake of my own mental health. it was tempting as hell, tho, i will say that. 

a couple things about this - at the time, mina is also having some pretty bad things going on in her family. she was very vague on the details, but i think that really contributed to wanting to leave; on top of the pandemic and everything else, she was probably heckin stressed. but also like. she never called out her followers for attacking her accuser. she never made any sort of post talking about it. she never told her friends on the server “hey don’t do that.” she never took accountability for it, or, honestly, for anything else she or her friends have done that didn’t feel too good. the mirror sites aren’t really a big deal. 

after the server was archived, it was left up a couple days so everyone could grab contact info, etc. during this time, i was checking the ‘violetvineyard’ tag and saw someone post “what happened to mvcreates they haven’t answered my application to vv,’ and i responded with “oh, the server closed down bc of the copy cat sites.”

the same day, i got a tumblr DM from one of the former mods asking me not to give away any details about vv leaving tumblr. it was very politely worded and everything, but it was still just like

okay? vv is over? why are you asking me not to say anything. and it wasn’t like i was even spilling any hot goss, i was just repeating the excuse (and i do mean excuse) mina gave us. 

anyway, that mod is off tumblr, too, as far as i know, or else they stealthin. which is fine, u do u, buddy.

uhh conclusion time, i guess? i have a few scattered screenshots of things, but i’m not posting em bc i’m lazy and also running late for a thing. but really, for me, i didn’t have a whole lot of beef with mina or pretty much any of the other folks on vv. i thought that mina and her friends were a bit too eager for blood, and that really bothered me. i’m annoyed they shut down vv completely, because it could actually have been something great. if mina wanted off writeblr, i wish she had given the whole network over to people interested in running it; instead, what was a good thing for a lot of people is now completely gone, with no existing framework for people to build on. sure, anyone can go make their own network/family for writeblr, but now it’s just going to splinter into a bunch of different, smaller groups, and we’re all back to square one.

but whatever. i didn’t get to see the server go down in flames, instead it just ended with a hasty retreat and a few whimpers, and quite honestly i wished my staying in had paid off.

i do want to reiterate - there were quite a few people in vv who i think are great, and this does include some of the mods themselves.

i’ve also gotten a couple messages from a few other folks who had been in vv who have their own real, real sketch stories, which are making me rethink how i feel about mina and her friends, and all the good credit i gave them. i just wanted to present this bc it’s my blog and i do what i want, fight me.

and if anyone wants to chat about vv, hit me up. i keep things as private as you want them to be, and i love love love talking about this nonsense. Give Me The Deets.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.

ah yeah ty, good suggestions.

hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(

ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)

hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)

cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe

thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track

domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*

ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album

the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy

sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha

silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either

secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it

STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.

red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved

surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?

gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining

wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)

hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha

<3 w.a. 🐺

i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.

oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.

man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d

okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!

> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)

back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.

i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.

i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.

PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)

i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!

wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ

and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA

[zalrb]

Ok Blair all the way for so many reasons but I'm rewatching S2 of gg and I GET why as a preteen I preferred Serena. They both have the same repetitive flaws, but Serena accidentally outshining Blair and being naive is less annoying to me than when Blair responds childishly to it. Maybe it's a me problem that my biggest relationship pet peeve irl is bad communication and plots necessitate them... but like YES Serena's mindlessness is annoying Blair, and you're upset she's agreed to give up your backstage tradition as a favour to someone... but could you not have a single conversation to say "Hey Serena this hurt my feelings" that isn't a pouting tantrum/plot where you expect her to grovel? Blair's pettiness gives me life, but sometimes I feel Serena's sighs about Blair's high maintenance when Blair is needlessly childish. And the convo at the dinner table with Lily and Poppy reminded me of that because Serena is like "Blair would be upset let me talk to her", and I agree with Blair so I'm like yes! But then Lily is like "it's not a big deal you were 12?" and Poppy is like "compromise?" and I'm like, Blair feels like a child to placate and even for plot reasons this drives me crazy.

I know you may not agree lol, and maybe it's just this one situation driving me nuts rn but Blair CAUSING miscommunication when she's smarter than that is the only time when I'm like, Serena is bland but is she the only character who will simply hear someone out? This conflict is dumb.

Oh no, I've said on more than one occasion that the more I watch Gossip Girl, the more I'm like Serena actually has to put up with a lot from Blair. I still prefer Blair as a character and I find Serena annoying a good chunk of the time but Blair as a best friend is a full time job.

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 4 notes

Ep 121: mmmm tape recorder turning on without them knowing goes brrr. AAAhjhdsjfhjdf "do you mind if i call you jon" its like "can i call you elias?" is this the dream guy with the tendrils? who wants to bet the boat is captained by peter lukas? big man if it killed yall how are you still here. oh boy the tape is doin that thing. who do we think it is? did he wake up? hmm. ep 122: lol jon. 6 months!?!? bruh quit movin big man. he just Knows things sometimes you know how it is. nah b/c i can relate to feeling like other ppl/ things arent real, thats the biggest mood BUT i think it is kinda pretentious to entertain the idea that youre the only Real person. If you dont see a body dont believe it. i'll hold out hope for a bit. theres not a new archivist is there? surely i wouldve heard about that. oh god peter what changes did you make. ep 123: web development. hope its about spiders. she blames him. bruh why. if they hadnt done anything the world would've ended piss off melanie. why are ppl acting like he chose to be in a coma for 6 months. we know this they just appear. no longer "head archivist of the magnus institute, london" now he's just "the archivist" covered in spiders? cuz ik the spider has to do with controlling what youre doing and all this stuff but i cant think of how this connects to that. ep 124: ugh vertigo. is michael crew an old man? oooh. fairchild. how did he know it was martin? hmm. GRR I LOST MY NOTES AGAIN. FROM EPISODE 125 - part of 131. ep 131: bruh he's so hard to understand big man ur voice is so low. Jared Hotworth. the boneturner. "the ones i helped find their proper bodies" name a better top surgeon? our favorite trans ally? ep 132: woo field trip into the coffin! static lol. he says "chill out im just poppin in for a quick recall mission" is the rib thing actually gonna work? bruh it feels so odd and contrived but he's an odd man with some odd powers so idk. rip that archivist ayyy statement time. voices? recordings? are those tape recorders? was it the tape recorders? did they pull him back? i hope so b/c if the rib thing actually worked im gonna be so disappointed. ep 133: predicting the lonely? tundra. like the lukases. hmm. sanikova! like sanikov land. so its the hunt? i suppose? yeah. so daisy's clearly rejecting the hunt, which makes sense cuz she doesnt seem to like the entities that much. wait so are we just not gonna talk abt all the tapes playing on the ground?? no? ep 134: not an archival assistant anymore? Adelard Decker (or however you spell it) i recognize that name. 15th power. i was right there are 15. the extinction? im trying to remember what ive heard. oooh spooky. no i gotta be real i dont understand this fear but i'll believe you that its a thing. ew lukas is so squealy. lukas can turn invisible? oh boy. oooh martin put the tape recorders there. lol lukas is worried he's gonna be an avatar of the eye. ep 135: yoo its the third Daedalus statement! maxwell rayner (reiner? reigner?) i dont know who that is but ik its somebody. is he the cult leader guy? church of the divine host? 4 people?? what? did they kidnap somebody and keep them up there?? oh dear jon are you dying? did he try to See or Know or whatever? why does everyone call basira detective lol. ep 136: he was the one from the spider movie that ate ppl right? the special effects artist? is it annabelle cane? "its a joke jon" lol. hmm they wanted to record the therapy session with melanie? i wonder who that is. i almost wanna guess annabelle cane but im not sure. ep 137: this is the one! he went to the other place and read the war statement but it wasnt the one she took. not the music again. sounds like the slaughter. who the heck is eric lol. "the watcher's crown" like the crown of eyes we saw in the piccrew ep 138: oh boy Robert Smirk time. is that elias? as unhelpful as usual. if new powers can be "born" can others die out? did jonah magnus wear the watchers crown? maybe they were born from our fear or maybe our fears were born from them. ceaseless watcher does ceaselessly watch so. idk what you want

big man. yeah jonah for sure did something. ep 139: agnes!! lol that one dude threw off all their plans thats so funny. BUT this does tell us something. the tree in the backyard of the hilltop house? not made by her. it going down didnt kill agnes. im guessing gertrude tied agnes to the house using the tree? u good jon? cuz every time you try to Know smth intentionally it seems like it causes you great pain. how come he can do it accidentally with no problem but the second he wants to know smth of plot relevance he gets a headache or whatever ep 140: lol pagan exultation. classic. "oh thats my rib" lmaoo. ppl are always so mad at jon and his Eye powers except when it benefits them. they're like "oh you shouldnt do that its not right" and then all of a sudden they want to know something and its all "oh cmon jon its the only way" ep 142: oh god jon what did you do. its interesting she's giving her statement in the way that they do when jon Asks. did he see her in the Coffin? and so he's following her? ok cmon jon you're supposed to let them come to you. lmao ikr martin. "start to hear the blood" "suure." lmao ep 143: lol that awkward moment when gertrude is already dead. big J if you die im gonna kill you. bruh. ayo helen? i guess it worked? ep 144: lol this reminds me of that one edgar allan poe story where he kills the old dude with the weird eye. spooky music stuff. lol thats my favorite symptom of a heart attack its hilarious. so its smth abt the location probably? bro i feel like you should write down the numbers idk. 162830165049 564846474827. seems like the distortion? like the kinda thing that causes you to go crazy because of the numbers. oh boy is it the extinction again. bro what?? im?? his dad just died and he's like eh. martin dont be mean. he's being all lonely again. big man ur pushing ppl away. oh god its fucking squealy boy. ep 145: that almost sounds like breekon/hope... Arthur? agnes. aah was he from the lightless flame cult. a tree. lol he's just ranting rn. hehehe fuck landlords amirite. yay someone tells jon outright to go to therapy. now do it big man. ep 146: oh great! the distortion! i'm making a spiral themed building in mc right now! jon maybe accept you did a bad? nah this goes back to what i said before. they're fine with him compelling ppl when its convenient for them but otherwise its "no jon you cant, youre a monster jon" the tapes didnt turn on. i spose that means its not important? i agree with daisy, this seems unecessarily dangerous. ep 147: is that a tape? the first tape? well that went better than i expected tbh. BAHAKJASHDJKF she did the "can i call you jon" like nikola says "elias, can i call you elias?" damn annabelle is such a girlboss. oh! the one thing from the picrew. its been a while since ive connected smth to that. lol all the other avatars always talk abt their patron so lovingly and the jon just. absolutely hates the eye. ep 148: lol thats the most elias thing. "i just like the way it sounds" ep 149: did he disappear? bruhh. ur lonely powers are popping off i guess. oops i accidentally deleted my notes for 150 - 152 ep 153: thats the cult right? yeah. it doesnt sound like the church of the divine host? idk. if it is the church of the divine host then they worship the dark right? so is the eleventh the dark star or wtvr? it almost sounds like the corruption b/c of the oil or grease or whatever. oh dear what happened. oh its the hunters. theyre so annyoing. not an "it" he has a name. he's a person. is this a page from the skin book? ep 154: oh shit this is gerry's dad! oh shit he quit! oh dear god. jon don't you do it. haha martin. yeahhhh... is he gonna tell the others? cuz you know theyre gonna get mad if he doesnt. oh also picrew connection! the bandages over the eyes? yeah thats this im guessing. ep 155: oh good he told them. oh my god what did you do. lol i have no mouth and i must scream. nah you get none of my sympathy you're straight up murdering ppl. its like the desolation, destroying lives to sustain your own. ok but taking their statements doesnt

kill them. oh... bye melanie. ep 156: lmao imagine if the tape recorder spoke back. oh boy decker! i swear we got a statement from him already. oh god mirrors scary. They're gonna eat the body arent they. Yup... sounds like the flesh or the slaughter, but I'm not sure. Could be the extinction for sure. Smth at the center! Like Helen mentioned. God Peter you dick. Ep 157: peter's just so :/ another decker statement i see. a statement about the corruption? hmm. maybe its not abt the corruption. the extinction. lol pandemics. topical. John Amherst. helen? lol i can hear admiral purring in the background. oh cmon helen dont be like that. im trying real hard to like you but you make it so difficult. ep 158: did they fucking free the stranger? im gonna lose it. you absolute dumbass. im sorry who is that? jonah magnus? my guy. peter. you absolute dickhead. that's elias. (im p sure i had this spoiled for me that elias is jonah) oh dear this is her death. god peter you prick. i hope this is a pop off martin moment and not a "martin you idiot" moment. i hope the hunters kill the stranger entity. or she kills them. furry daisy pop off! yeah fuck you peter martin can make his own decisions. you know that clip from Twisted where jafar says "ok what the fuck was that" martin D: ok like i know its gonna work but still D: D: ep 159: peter you bitchboy. because if im alone i cant hurt anyone else. imnotgonnacryimnotgonnacryimnotgonnacry do it do it do it do it. pop off jon. ok its a pretty good idea for a ritual i gotta be honest. she didnt even have to blow it up lol. oh dear that was certainly a noise. "he gets you" did he not have jon already? he's back! our boy is back! awwww thats so cute. ep 160: oh right this is the thing in the safe house. i love him. "obviously im going to tell you if i see any good cows" martin my beloved <3 :)) oh boy who is this. fuckin. people. jonah you dick. gahh. you can tell he's trying to resist so hard lol. ohh. hehe keep an *eye* on him. altho if the extinction is a real thing he needs to be marked by that right? lol he sounds so intense im sorry- i want martin to just burst in and be like "look at this cow i saw!" its so dramatic and for why.