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saturnity · 3 years

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Telling Tenya Iida to take care of himself. Tenya Iida x Gender Neutral, Best Friend Reader.

(authors note: this is my first full length fic in...a while. motivation hit me like a brick and I decided I'd churn something out! this fic is dedicated to a few special friends: @classreptenyaiida, for the interactions I've had with him, @yarozu for being such a great fan and supporter!! @lostcoves for being my first friend on this platform and for being so so kind to me, @uwu-iwanttodie because god I know you're a sucker for tenya just like i am, and @tryingmyves for sticking around and being a wonderful person!! there's also one more special person this fic is dedicated to but I don't know their tumblr url and if they wish to be named LOL // but yes anyway, enjoy! i hope you like this, feel free to send me any feedback, rts and follows appreciated!!!)

warnings: none! all fluff. good for everyone.

Tenya Iida and (f/n l/n). The both of you were inseparable, friends since childhood, in the same class throughout elementary and middle school. You were overjoyed to hear that you’d be in the same class with him again in UA, brimming with excitement to be able to stick by his side for longer. Of course, you had a crush on him ever since you could remember...but you were really too scared, terrified, really, to confess to him- in fear of ruining your 15 years of friendship.

Out of all people, you were the person who knew how determined Tenya was to not only reach, but exceed his goals and aspirations. You knew how much he wanted to satisfy the people around him and meet their expectations. You didn’t exactly understand why he did it, but you knew how driven he was, and how he’d do anything within the law and the rules to get there. And he rarely failed. Tenya was a great inspiration in your life, encouraging you to do better, while growing together. In a way, he influenced you to work hard, train harder and to do your hardest. The both of you became a force to be reckoned with; your parents and Tenya’s parents realised this, and hoped you’d do great things as heroes in the future, allowing you to spend weekends and holidays together.

Throughout your first term, Tenya enthusiastically took up the role as representative of Class 1-A with pride. He’d come to you for feedback for his ideas, always asking your opinion before proceeding, and you’d be his biggest cheerleader. You improved ideas he delivered, making sure small details were tweaked, and ensured logistics ran smoothly. Whenever Tenya needed help, you were the first he’d go to. Tenya presumed the role of a figure of strength within Class 1-A, readily assisting people in need, hosting study groups after school, and going the extra mile to make sure everyone was...more or less, in line. His work towards being a ‘good hero’ started here, and it wouldn’t stop until his last breath. As an Iida, he worked daily to strengthen his reputation as a helpful, strong figure...no, a reputation as a hero.

But inside, you knew Tenya was tired. He was slowly burning himself out. He didn’t need a savior, but he needed someone to shake him awake. There were days where you’d find Tenya a little less awake than usual, even though he seemed to have the same amount of energy as every other day. You’d catch him zoning out after school days ended, maybe he’d drop from his chopsticks once more than normal at lunch, and sometimes he’d even forget to bring certain things to school. Your best friend definitely wasn’t sleeping or resting enough.

You did your best to make sure Tenya was taking care of himself. Sometimes, you would gently remind him to drink more water, or to get more sleep. Other times, you’d deliberately book ‘study sessions’ with him, only to do the exact opposite- taking him to a cafe for a ‘change of environment’, introducing him to several new drinks and cakes, much to his dismay. Or maybe you’d eat lunch on one of the school rooftops, and allow him to take a nap afterwards on your shoulder while you ran your fingers through his coarse, navy hair. Perhaps you’d relax at your house, a movie would be playing on the TV, and while he’d feverishly insist on studying or doing something more ‘productive’, you’d gently but stubbornly insist that he rest. As the days passed, Tenya placed his focus on his ambitions, and your opportunities to ensure his leisure decreased.

One night, you wondered why Tenya pushed himself so hard. Was it because he was a people pleaser? There were definitely times where he would be almost too eager to help others. Or was it because he decided to shoulder his world of responsibility alone? Maybe it was because he was constantly surrounded by good examples of what a hero should be, that he held the burden of his family name, that he was expected to be the next best thing for the hero community...or maybe it was all of the above. Tenya had been working tirelessly for this; yet he didn’t know when or how to take care of himself and to forget to be selfless. He was always running to help others, always thinking in the position of others, or whatever would be better for the future. You didn’t remember the last time he did something for himself. Regardless, you decided that you’d definitely work a little harder to make sure your best friend would care for himself. After all, everyone needed someone else to lean on, right?

You shook your head. “No. I’m serious. You need to rest. Or at least take it easy this weekend.”

Finally, one Friday afternoon, you saw Tenya yawn in class for the first time. He looked close to falling asleep, in fact, you could say he was positively exhausted. His eyelids fluttered downward, their weight becoming heavier and heavier with each blink. Inside, he was praying he wouldn’t get picked on to answer a question- he just wasn’t really following the class material anymore. Or worse, he hoped Mr. Aizawa wouldn’t assign group work- it’d mean he would have to actively interact with other people, which he didn’t have the energy for. Thankfully, the bell rang, and the gray, bleary-eyed teacher dismissed his class, unfurling his sleeping bag and escaping the room to get a nap himself. You walked up to Tenya’s desk and playfully smacked his arm, shocking him a little more awake. He adjusted his glasses and looked up to you.

“Heeey. Someone’s looking tired.”

“I suppose I didn’t sleep quite enough last night, (y/n).” Tenya grinned. To the normal eye, it would seem like one of the class rep’s normal, signature smiles, but to you, there was a fatigued weakness shielded behind its sunny exterior.

You arched an eyebrow. “You’ve said that every day for the last month and a half.”

“I know, I know. There’s so much work I need to get to, in fact, I should return to my dorm soon to st-” Tenya had finished gathering his things and prepared to leave the classroom, until your hand reached out onto one of his broad shoulders and pressed him back down onto his seat.

“No you fucking don’t.” You folded your arms, a frown plastered to your face.

Tenya scowled. “Please, (y/n), can we joke around later? I have to get th-”

“Look, if you’re aiming to be a successful hero in the future, you might as well take your own advice that you give so often to others and rest. You always tell us to make sure we get enough sleep, and you’re not even doing it yourself. If you’re tired or sick, you won’t be able to perform as well as you want to, right? And you always want to be at your best, don’t you, Ten?”

“But-” Tenya protested. He had so much work to do, so much to get to.

“Tenya Iida. In our 15 years of friendship, I’ve never seen you this fucking tired. We’re only in our first year. Are you going to keep doing this throughout school? Or what, the rest of your life? For the love of god, cut yourself some slack.” You almost yelled out in protest, in disgust of seeing your best friend suffer in silence.

Tenya stared at you in shock. You’ve never spoken to him like this before, or at least, it was rare. Usually you played more of a supportive role by his side, and when you were more assertive, you were never this pushy. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he heard you shout. The remaining members of Class 1-A who hadn’t yet left the room stared at the both of you in a similar amount of surprise as your bespectacled classmate did. After sighing, you decided to use reason that Tenya would buy into, desperately hoping he would do as you said.

“Then it’s settled. We’re gonna take it easy this weekend, okay? And don’t apologise for making me worry. It’s my job to look out for you, you know. And we haven’t napped together in a while too. I kinda miss that.” You brought Tenya into a hug.

Tenya sighed. You were right. He couldn’t hide that he was tired. And honestly, it was exhausting having to troop through each class with the meager 4-5 hours of shut-eye he was getting. It was a battle that he knew he was losing. He surrendered to your suggestion.

“I...uh...suppose you’re right. Sorry for making you worry.” Right after Tenya had finished that sentence, he yawned. There was really no hiding his tiredness now.

“Hey...(y/n)? Thank you. I appreciate you doing this.” Tenya smiled, as he reciprocated your warmth.

#🪐 — [ saturn writes ]#🪐 — [ my hero academia ]#my hero academia #mha fanfiction #tenya iida #iida tenya #iida tenya x reader #tenya iida x reader #bnha fanfiction #mha fluff #bnha fluff #tenya x reader #iida x reader #gender neutral reader

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loki-darkprince-odinson · 3 years

Note

King Loki, I apologize for the rant but I would like some advice.

My father always makes me feel like complete garbage. He is always putting me down, never appreciates me, and makes my depression so much worse. I'm fixing up a house to move in with my friends but I'm still stuck at the house since my parents won't help me get my license or a car, much less a job. I cook, do dishes, take care of the pets, take out the trash, get the mail, do my laundry, wash towels, and help with their laundry. I also take care of my sick mother and while I'm currently on summer break, I'm going to college to become a clinical psychologist. Even then, my father will point out other things that I don't do, and expects me to clean the entire house every day. He always talks about how he needs to do everything around the house yet all he does is sleep, play video games, and watch television. He also says he works hard yet on many occasions he says he sits on his ass all day on his tablet. He also yells so much. I get scared every day when he starts yelling because I worry he may leave us, which he has threatened before, or he may actually hit us. He never has hit either my mother or I yet, and says he never would but he slams and throws things when angry at us so it's his way of showing us how much he wants to hit us, even if he doesn't realize it. However, not only do I have many responsibilities, My depression makes it difficult for me to do much, and he makes it worse. Even when I do try to clean the house he always makes comments such as: "About time." or "How long until it gets cleaned next time?" or "This was half assed, you didn't do it right." I have tried so hard to have a connection with him but I'm so tired of fighting for a relationship that he doesn't care about. I can't address my concerns with him because he will threaten to not take me to college and pay the bills. Do you have any advice to help me deal with my father until I can escape?

Best regards, Catrina.

“Catrina,” Loki drawls, in his smooth resonate voice. “I firstly must commend your good work. For caring for your ill mother, minding the household needs, and that you get up in the morning even if your soul is weary and your bones ache for a rest; that you keep on living even if you do not know how to anymore. Secondly, you have my deepest sympathies for your grievances. I am all too familiar with what it is like to seek the approval of a parent; only for there to be none in return.” His eyes were completely unfocused, yet his pallid features bore the most intense concentration as memories flowed unbidden.

He says nothing for a moment. Then, something in the edge of his mouth—and the corner of his eyes—resembled the ghost of a sad smile.

“Those whom I knew and called my mother and father are dead. That much is beyond dispute. They were not my real parents, but they raised me as their own. I daresay they loved me. That had been in dispute, at least in my own mind for awhile. I found out very late that my identity was a lie. Not Asgardian, not a son of Odin, I was completely unmade. That was how I felt when I learned of my true parentage. I was a fraud, a monster; it explained so much. It explained why I never felt like I fit in, why I would never be my brother's equal, why I would never get what I'd been promised my whole life.” His voice was soft, hoarse. Intent.

Loki raises his left hand and rests his forefinger against his lips as a line forms between his own eyebrows in thought.

“I have lingered around Midgard long enough to come to an understanding of how your minds tick. I shall do my best to give advice where I can.

Try, if you will, to put things into perspective. The most loving parents commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force one to destroy the person they really are: a subtle kind of murder. Even the most loving parents damage their children with the best intentions—to protect them, to guide them, to better them. In most cases, it would appear they do it by imprinting their own fears and prejudices on them.

The point is, parents are mere, imperfect people.

They have flaws, struggles and impaired judgement. They have both emotional and intellectual handicaps. Regardless of their parental role, they are afflicted by personal blockages and limitations.

But most of all, they are people who make mistakes, and who are terrified of being judged by their children.

Learn to see your difficult parent as just that; human. Learn to see their emotional immaturity as a type of disability.

With that in mind, you would do well to keep your expectations of them low.

In many ways the effect a difficult parent has on ones self is fueled by their feelings of injustice and the belief that things could be different, or ought to be different.

In other words, your expectations dictate how you feel.

You need to let go of your expectations and accept your parent for who they are.

You cannot expect someone with, say, a narcissistic personality, to act with empathy and kindness. No more than you can expect a scorpion not to sting.

Difficult parents are much easier to deal with when you accept that they will not change. So do not expect of them more than they are capable of, and you will not be disappointed or hurt.

Do not fall into the illusion of guilt, Catrina.” He warns. “A difficult parent loves nothing more than to make you feel like you’ve hurt them. Or, in a different scenario, like you’re a bad person if you do not do something they ask.

Do not fall for it. If they’re setting a guilt trap, calmly tell them that you do not appreciate being emotionally manipulated, and you will not tolerate it anymore.

Manipulators, and I should know, detest being called out on their dirty tricks.

If they continue to harass you, reiterate that you cannot do what they’re asking you to do this time, and you need them to respect that.

The trick is agreeing with everything they’re saying (how can they argue when you agree with them?) and re-stating your decision over and over again.

Now this part I find to be… far more easier said than done. You must let go of the need for your father's approval, Catrina. It goes without saying that every child needs and wants their parents’ approval. It is normal to want it, and it is normal to receive it.

Yet so many have to accept the fact that this is not going to happen. For whatever reason, their parent has chosen to withhold their approval. Some difficult parents do it as a form of punishment. While others hope to influence their child in the “right” direction.

Most likely, your father loves you, but they have a very warped idea of what parental love is.

In their misguided quest to make you into a version of themselves, they missed the chance to get to know you. And so they cannot appreciate you for the wonderful being that you are.”

He shrugs elegantly. “It is their loss. When you realize this and let go of the need for their approval, you will be able to start living your life in a whole new way.

When confronting your father, be direct and calm without expecting a specific response. That is the part you cannot control. The part that is within your control is letting your thoughts and feelings known, which is empowering.

Stick to the facts and use “I” statements such as, “I feel like my words do not matter to you when you constantly interrupt me” or “I feel scared and misunderstood when you yell at me”

Remember that manipulative parents are not known for their empathy. They will try to confuse you, go on the offensive, or assume the role of a victim.

Do not allow them to bully you into submission by invoking guilt or pity. State your case in a calm and polite manner, and stay cool regardless of their response.

Your goal is to be honest about your feelings, and to make it clear that you will not tolerate certain behaviors.” He softly clears his throat.

“Last but not least, an unhappy alternative is forgoing the relationship that is too harmful. I know, a parent is not someone you can so easily cut out of your life. But if all else fails and your father continues to cause you psychological harm, then this may very well need to be taken into considerable consideration; at least for the foreseeable future. Sometimes it is the only logical recourse.

A parent that is fundamentally incapable of showing love and support, unable to see the error of their ways after numerous attempts to communicate how their behavior or words affect you, consistently dismissive, demeaning or critical, manipulative in a habitual manner, punishing and cruel whenever you disobey, are disrespectful of your boundaries and using threats and intimidation to get what they want is a destructive force that will continue to tear you down until you put a stop to it.

It is not an easy feat, my dear. The parent-child bond is hardwired into the brain, which means children get attached to even the most awful of parents.

But consider the cost of having that toxic relationship in your life—stress breeds anxiety, depression, internalized feelings of inadequacy, and failed personal relationships.

I wish you all the best, Catrina. I truly do.”

#loki #loki rp #loki odinson #ask loki #ask #parental troubles #gothiccatrina #loki roleplay

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journalxxx · 3 years

Text

By Hook or by Crook (1)

"Is it possible to become a hero like you even without using any quirks?" Toshinori thought that it was a strange question. Strangely worded, and with too obvious an answer to be worth asking. Still, he stopped. The memory of a similarly naive middle-schooler from way too long ago made him pause. He shouldn't have paused. Another impossibly shrill scream erupted from the boy when Toshinori tried to reassure him of his identity, and turned up with a mouthful of blood instead. What a charming day this was proving to be. Almost an entire night spent awake due to his old wound deciding to make a fuss and disregard any sort of painkillers he threw at it, a frustrating morning followed by an equally frustrating afternoon he had struggled to navigate through with the alertness of a drunken sloth, which had caused him to get lost in the sewers while chasing a dangerous criminal, as well as fail to notice a whole human being sticking to his leg as he took off at the speed of several hundreds kilometres per hour, and now this.

Toshinori took a proper gander at the brand new crack in his privacy. He was a freckled, scrawny thing, with unruly green hair and enough jitters to be picked up by the nearest seismographs, probably.

"How... How? Is it- are you- are..." The boy stuttered, pale and physically shivering from the shock. "Is... was that your quirk? A transformation quirk?" He brought a hand to his mouth, subconsciously mimicking Toshinori as he wiped the blood from his lips. "That hurts you when you use it?" "...Something of the sort." It was an explanation as good as any. They stared at each other for a few moments, before the kid dropped his gaze and started muttering to himself. Toshinori could barely make out the words, but it seemed to be something about internet forums and theories about All Might's quirk. Toshinori sighed and sat down on the concrete, leaning his back against the railing to catch some much needed breath. There was no point in running off now, was there? He supposed the most sensible thing to do at this point was to have a little chat with the boy, if only to ascertain whether he was capable or willing to keep such a momentous secret. He waited for the boy to finish his quiet soliloquy... for two or three minutes, during which the onslaught of words didn't show any sign of dwindling. He politely cleared his throat, and the young man's attention was immediately back on him. "What's your name, boy?" "Uh... Izuku. Izuku Midoriya." "Midoriya." Toshinori acknowledged with a nod. "And you're quirkless, I take it." "Oh... Uh... Uhm..." Midoriya snappily clasped his hands behind his back and his eyes darted around as if caught stealing jam. It was an understandable reaction, if a tad overblown, Toshinori thought. Quirklessness was rare these days, and never something one could be proud of. His own powerlessness had frustrated him in his youth, and it positively tore at him in the present, now that his physical condition rendered him functionally quirkless for more than twenty hours a day. "Regarding your first question..." Toshinori paused, running a hand through his hair tiredly. Was there any way of putting this kindly? "Surely you realize the huge dangers and requirements that come with a hero's profession. Pros risk their lives every day, and in order to even make a livelihood out of it, they need to achieve a certain amount of success and visibility. Frankly, I'd advise anyone with a less than exceptional quirk, either in terms of combat ability or versatility, to think very carefully about undertaking this career path. To think of someone without a quirk attempting it..." Midoriya's head dropped again. "I... I see... But what if...?" The boy bit his lip and trailed off with a conflicted look. He shook his head, apparently reaching some private conclusion, and continued. "It's just... I've always admired you so much! Saving people with a fearless smile is just about the most inspiring and incredible thing one can do! If only everyone followed your example-" "I should hope they wouldn't have to!" Toshinori interjected decisively. "You know, the world I dream of is one where only few of the very strongest have to bear the hero's burden, so that all the more people can be free to enjoy their lives without fear or extreme sacrifices. We aren't there yet, not by a long shot, but..." He allowed himself a little smile. "I'm sure happy to know I'm inspiring courageous and driven citizens such as yourself." Midoriya's face immediately acquired a marked tomato hue. A small barrage of stuttered thanks followed. Toshinori raised a hand to stop him. "Look, kid. Your heart is in the right place and there's nothing worthier in life than pursuing your dreams, but... I cannot in good conscience encourage you to follow a path that would ultimately destroy you. You have no hope of becoming a hero - no hope to survive as a hero without a quirk, and a damn good one at that. As you can see..." Toshinori gestured towards himself, unable to keep his smile from turning sour. "Not even I can be a hero like me without using my quirk." Midoriya took it better than Toshinori was expecting, all things considered. Those anxious eyes roved around his gaunt form for a few moments, sympathetic and a tad disturbed. But the boy's features soon composed themselves into a look of calm thoughtfulness. "I understand." He nodded, straightening up his back, only to curl slightly upon himself all over when doubt reared its head again. "I guess... I'll just have to find a different solution..." "Indeed. If helping people is your goal, there are plenty of professions that regularly achieve that. Healthcare professionals, lawyers, policemen, firefighters, social workers-" "I know, I know..." Midoriya's expression became distant. No doubt it wasn't the first time he received such a speech. Children these days received their first career advice as early as primary school, during the mandatory quirk counselling sessions, to help them better understand how their abilities could be nurtured and directed into constructive endeavors for the benefit of the whole community. Now that Toshinori thought of it... did quirkless children like Midoriya even receive any such counselling? The program didn't exist when Toshinori himself was a kid, so he realized he didn't quite know. A lack of career counselling would explain the boy's irrealistic hopes. "If you are dead set on working in the heroics field, there are options there as well." Toshinori added, determined to do at least one thing right that day and offer the poor kid a grain of useful advice. "Have you considered working as a support item engineer or as a quirk analyst, for example? You certainly seem to have the qualities for jobs like these." "Uh? How can you say that?" "I took the liberty of flipping through your notebook before signing it." Toshinori tapped his temple as the boy's cheek tinged with pink again. He really wore his heart on his sleeve, didn't he? "You seem to have quite a well-organized mind, and keen observation skills. If I were you, I wouldn't underestimate how far those two talents could bring you in the right field." "Ah... Thank you! I- it's just a hobby, nothing more! But thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my question! And give me advice! And listen to-" It devolved into another short stream of gratefulness and humility. Toshinori deemed his impromptu orientation session a job decently done and he finally stood up. His left side gave a sharp twinge. He couldn't wait to be back home, stun it with a generous helping of ibuprofen and hopefully catch up on a few hours of sl- ah crap, he'd left his grocery bag near the manhole he had emerged from, hadn't he? Maybe it would be quicker to just do the whole shopping again at the closest convenience store... "Now, about what you just saw..." Toshinori approached the boy, lowered his voice and scanned his surroundings automatically, as if there was anyone who could overhear them on the small rooftop they were standing on. "I don't think I need to point out that it would be really, really bad if voices of a secretly emaciated Symbol of Peace were to start circulating, on the web or by other venues-" Midoriya raised his head from the deep bow he had maintained for the last good minute, eyes wide. "O-oh! Of course-" "But I'm going to do it anyway. It would be really bad. Catastrophic. Not only for me, because I would know exactly who put the rumors forth and I would have some choice words for said source, smash being one of them." He had meant it in jest, but the terrified expression on Midoriya's face warned him not to put too much faith on the boy's sense of humour. He showed the palms of his hands in the universal gesture for I'm not going to smash anything. "...I'm joking! Obviously. But I do need to know if I can count on your utmost discretion." "O-Of course! Your secret is safe! I swear it on my life, All Might! No one will know!" There was no doubting the fervor radiating from Midoriya's every pore. Toshinori nodded and squeezed the boy's shoulder while also not-so-subtly pushing him towards the door to the stairs. "Good to know, good to know. Now, let us both be off." Toshinori moved towards the exit as well, patting the pocket of his cargo pants. "I have to hand this guy over to the nearest precinct before-" His hand patted rough cloth and the wiry muscle of his thigh, and nothing inbetween. Toshinori stopped in his tracks and checked his right pocket. Then his left one. Both empty. He gazed around the rooftop in confusion, noticing a clear lack of plastic containers on the barren expanse of concrete. "Hey, have you seen..." He started, glancing at Midoriya. Who was staring at his empty pockets in obvious distress, both hands covering his mouth as if to keep himself silent. Something cold gripped Toshinori's scrambled insides. "...the bottles... where..." Toshinori's sleep-deprived brain pieced it all together with frustrating slowness. Loose trousers pockets. Clingy boy. Hundreds of kilometres per hour. Gravity. RIght on cue, a loud explosion made them turn their heads in unison, and a black cloud of smoke erupted among a cluster of buildings a little to the south of the one they were standing on. "...Shit." A small part of Toshinori's mind added 'cursing in front of a child' to the impressive streak of fuck-ups he was accumulating in a single day, but most of his evidently dwindling faculties were busy trying to come up with a way to unravel the current predicament. He marched to the door without wasting another moment. "Go home. Take a detour if you have to, just stay well away from there." "It's my fault." Once again, despite Toshinori's better judgement, the boy's words compelled him stop. Even muffled by Midoriya's hands, his whispers sounded positively agonized. "I made you drop them. It's my fault. Oh God, what do I...?" "What? Don't be absurd! You didn't do anything, I should have-" It came out more harshly than he thought, and the kid's horrified eyes snapped back to him. God, he hated seeing him blame himself for what was clearly Toshinori's blunder - a blunder unworthy of the greenest of rookies, let alone of the celebrated number one hero - but there was really no time to waste self-recriminating. "Look, just go home. I'll-" "I can't! None of this would have happened if I'd just-" Midoriya burst out, halting his own words just as abruptly and wringing his hands guiltily. "I have to help! I can help! Let me-" "All right then." Toshinori said, and his ready agreement shocked the boy into silence just as he had expected. Telling him to wait around and do nothing wasn't going to work with that hero-obsessed mentality of his, so he chose a different approach. "Here's what you'll do. You'll stay here until you've calmed down enough to keep your wits about you. Then you'll go to the nearest police station - there's one just over there - and tell the officers what just happened. Minus the part where you've seen me like this, obviously-" "How's that going to help?! They can see the smoke, by the time I get there they'll already know-" "We don't know if that explosion is the villain's doing. It might be unrelated, and in that case the villain would be still at large." Toshinori explained with his most commanding tone, despite the urge to dash off. "Even if it is connected to the villain, I scooped him up into two bottles. We don't know if each half is capable of causing damage on its own. You have to alert the police so that they can start searching for both as quickly as possible. I'll take care of whatever that accident is." Despite the panic, Midoriya seemed to process his words. He gulped, and gave him a worried once-over. "But... can you fight again? Even like that?" "Tsk! I'd expect more trust from a fan." One more for the road, Toshinori coached himself. He reached into his quirk and flexed, his muscle form puffing up dutifully and his trademark smile slotting back in place. He gave the boy a confident thumbs up. "I'll have this solved before you can blink!" Toshinori flung himself down the stairway before Midoriya could come up with more objections. He managed five flights of stairs before his quirk failed him again and one hundred and eighty kilos of muscles went up in steam. He stumbled as he coughed up more blood, his scar hurting like it was trying to murder him, but he didn't stop. Hopefully the boy would follow his orders and make himself marginally useful, and more importantly he would keep himself out of trouble and away from the danger zone. Meanwhile, Toshinori... well, he'd have to clean up his own mess in some way or another.

Izuku stood stock-still for a good minute before his body reconnected to his brain. A lot had happened in the last half an hour, there was... there was a lot to unpack there. First things first, his duty. The admittedly sensible instructions given to him by All Might himself. Point number one was regaining a semblance of lucidity. His legs felt like jelly, so he simply let himself slump to the ground and breathe deeply. Never in a million years, not even in the darkest and most conspiratorial corners of the net, Izuku would have ever imagined to discover what he had discovered about All Might. All Might had a quirk... that debilitated him? Some sort of temporary performance-enhancing boost that wore his body down whenever he used it? Because what Izuku had just seen wasn't the body of a healthy person, not even remotely. Pale, hunched, with barely any flesh hanging from his still oversized bones, with sunken eyes and non-existent cheeks. Totally unperturbed by the gush of blood spurting from his mouth, as if that was a perfectly ordinary occurrence. Was it the result of decades of continued usage? Was Japan's Symbol of Peace constantly and deliberately harming himself in order to do his job? Izuku had experienced firsthand that powerful quirks came with unforeseen drawbacks, but this... this was... This was none of his business, Izuku chided himself. All Might was... All Might. Number one hero. An unprecedent and yet unsurpassed phenomenon. He knew what he was doing, for sure. It was presumptuous of Izuku to even doubt that he did. He had said he would take care of things, and he was certainly going to. Izuku scratched his head furiously, as if to rid himself of those intrusive thoughts. He felt better, more grounded. Time to move onto step two. He made his way down the stairs and out of the building, slowly, mindful of the lingering dizziness, careful not to trip and cause himself and others further troubles. The street was full of curious onlookers glancing at the rising column of smoke, filming it with their phones and chattering about it among themselves. Luckily, Izuku spotted a policeman almost immediately, as he was busy trying to disperse the small crowds and redirect the traffic. He recounted his tale, purged from gossip-inducing details, to the zealous officer, who promptly reported it to his superiors via his radio. There, he'd accomplished his task. Quick and effortless. The last item on his to-do last was heading home. Izuku stood on the sidewalk, contemplating the enlarging black cloud. Smaller explosions could still be heard popping in the air now and then. It had been at least ten minutes since All Might's departure and, judging by the heated talking coming from the officer nearby, the crisis hadn't been solved yet. Izuku thought back of how All Might had left the building using the stairs, instead of one of his much quicker, much more efficient leaps. A gnarling unease gripped his stomach, and his feet started moving on their own. He just couldn't get it out of his head. His idol's shrunken body, the immense tiredness that seeped through his every movement when in that form, his stern request for discretion. Your very life and safety may depend on your discretion, Izuku. Izuku shivered. Accidents aside, he had acted for the best, hadn't he? Despite everything... Civilians were not allowed to use quirks freely on public grounds, even though exceptions could be made in case of blatant self-defense. But even if he had used his quirk to stop the sludge villain by himself, what would he have done afterwards? He doubted he could use his newly acquired quirk effectively, and in a quirkless fight against an adult, he would have gotten the short end of the stick anyway. Not to mention the aftermath. Questions. His quirk revealed. Suspicion and distrust. Izuku's legs brought him to the site of the accident in a rushed daze, as his thoughts wandered in circles. He peered beyond the crowd of onlookers, and the scene he witnessed froze the blood in his veins. It was a disaster. The sludge villain was indeed responsible for it, and he had a hostage as well, tightly wrapped in layers and layers of goo. Numerous fires surrounded the captor and his victim, the heat and destruction giving them an almost hellish appearance. Almost half a dozen of heroes were already involved, but none of them seemed capable of creating an opening or coming up with a plan to face the situation. A veritable tragedy was unfolding before everyone's eyes, and no one was moving an inch to stop it. Izuku gazed around in a frenzy, searching for the one man who could and would solve it all. He spotted him quickly enough, his wild blond mane making him easy to pinpoint even with his gaunt frame huddled against a wall. All Might, the number one hero, looked like he was barely managing to stand on his feet. Hunched over, jaw clenched, one hand holding onto the nearest lamppost, the other clutching his side tightly, bright blue eyes dimmed in frustration and trained on the grim spectacle unfolding in the fiery lane. The sight dispelled any remaining doubt in Izuku's mind. All Might couldn't intervene. He couldn't use his quirk freely, either because of some pre-existing hard limit, or in fear of the repercussions it would have on his body. He had had to waste some of his limited stamina to save Izuku earlier that day - save him from a danger that Izuku could have, should have at least tried to handle himself - and now he was too drained to help. And the current hostage was paying for that - Izuku's heart nearly stopped as said hostage suddenly thrashed about enough to free a small portion of his face, enough for Izuku to recognize him, as more explosions boomed and set ablaze more of the surrounding buildings. Kacchan. Izuku moved without thinking, his mind blank. In that moment, he couldn't think about anything - not his father's recommendation, not his fear of exposure, not his weakness or inexperience, not the Symbol of Peace, not even his crushing guilt - except one thing. He couldn't let Kacchan die for his mistakes. A lot happened, very quickly, too quickly for him to process. The crowd and the heroes screamed. The villain saw him and readied a blow. Izuku barely dodged it by bodily throwing himself to the side, blindly. He landed hard on something that felt like overheated metal, but it didn't hurt too much. A slimy arm impacted solidly against the asphalt, missing him by mere centimetres. Goo from the monstruous limb splattered all around, staining his clothes. Without thinking, he reached for the green mass with both hands, let his palms sink into it, closed his eyed to focus and just did it. There was a strong gust of wind, as if a very fast car had suddenly raced past him and barely missed him, at the same time as he heard the asphalt crack a little to his left. Suddenly, all went perfectly still and silent. Izuku gulped, and forced his eyes open. The first thing he saw was All Might's massive back. Roaring muscles filling his oversized clothes amidst thin strands of steam, the hero was standing in full bulk right between him and the villain, his right arm raised and poised as if charging a punch, but completely motionless. There was no more sludge around Izuku's hands, nor anywhere in the street. Peeking between All Might's legs, Izuku saw Kacchan twitching weakly on the ground, and another person standing beside him. A thin, flabby-looking guy, with an ashen complexion and not a single hair on his head, face or bare chest. A blood-curling scream erupted from the man's - the villain's - mouth. As he stared in stark horror at himself - probably seeing his human limbs for the first time in his life, Izuku realized - the weird silence and stillness instantly receded. The heroes rushed forward to help Kacchan and apprehend the panicking criminal, the crowd cheered, and All Might turned to look at Izuku. There was no smile on his face. Izuku had never seen the Symbol of Peace without his usual cheery attitude. He realized the hero looked a lot less reassuring without it, and a lot more... purely, bleakly intimidating. The sheer magnitude of what Izuku had just done suddenly hit him like a train. He scrambled to his feet, heart beating wildly in his chest, and sprinted towards the closest alley. He heard All Might's voice calling to him, but he ignored it and ran, ran until his lungs burned with the effort and the tears made it impossible to see where he was going.

An undefined number of streets and turns and forks later, Izuku stopped. He collapsed against the closest wall, gasping for air and clutching at his jacket in a desperate effort not to succumb to hysteria. He'd done it. He'd used his quirk in front of a whole crowd of civilians and heroes. There was no hope of avoiding the consequences of that. Kacchan would dispel any doubt the police may have about what had transpired. Even though his childhood friend had kept quiet about it for years, out of... Fear? Respect? Leverage? Izuku honestly had no idea - there was no reason for him to shield him from the official investigations. It was out of Izuku's hands now. But maybe... maybe it wasn't such a bad thing. He had saved his friend from a gruesome fate, first of all, which was undoubtedly good. And maybe his father was plainly wrong, maybe their quirk could be tolerated, even accepted by society at large. Maybe even trained for the purpose of- "Midoriya!" Izuku's stomach did another somersault. All Might's skinny silhouette had just emerged from a nearby road and was approaching him quickly, one long arm raised to catch his attention. Oh God, Izuku had hoped he'd be too busy to chase him right off the bat. He'd hoped he could at least make it back home and talk with his father, with his mother before... "There you are! Why did you run off like- Hey, are you hurt?" All Might asked, immediately grabbing his arm to support him when Izuku wobbled dangerously. The man eyed his side worriedly, and Izuku finally remembered to check it himself. His jacket was torn and singed where he had fallen on the burning debris, but the layers of clothing underneath were surprisingly intact, and so was Izuku. "No no, I'm fine, thank you. I just... I guess I was scared of being told off for rushing in." Izuku offered with a poor attempt at a smile. "More afraid of being reproached than of facing a villain head on? You're an odd one, all right." All Might chuckled, visibly amused. "Law enforcers can be sticklers for non-professional quirk usage rules, but I don't think you would have gotten into too much trouble, all things considered." "I-I see... well... I guess I'll have to deal with it anyway, sooner or later..." "Ah... Not necessarily. I don't think anyone other than me realized what you did. In fact..." All Might rubbed the back of his neck with an oddly embarassed grimace. "I think I may have... sort of accidentally taken the merit of what happened back there. People saw me and just assumed I smashed the sludge off the villain faster than the eye can see. Journalists were already showing up and I was running quite low on stamina, so I scampered off before, you know... " He gestured at himself eloquently. "I can release an official statement later to rectify the matter, if you want. I'd hate to steal the spotlight of an aspiring hero." Izuku blinked. No one else knew? Kacchan hadn't talked? Or had All Might fled before he could hear his account? Probably the latter. And... "Aspiring hero?" "Indeed. It seems I have made some wrong assumptions about you." All Might positively beamed, ruffling his own hair and regarding Izuku with a sort of challenging grin that made Izuku squirm on the spot. "You aren't quirkless at all, are you?" "I never said I was..." Izuku tried to deflect lamely, hoping not to sound too cheeky. All Might merely laughed in response. "Very true! A variant of Erasure, isn't it? I've never seen any Erasure quirk work on mutant types, but I guess it is true that the new generations are naturally more endowed." "Uh... Y... Yeah..." Izuku heard himself say. He... He didn't want to lie. There wasn't even any point in lying considering that Kacchan was going to expose the truth anyway. But Izuku's mouth had been basically running on autopilot since his idol had materialized into his life, and his brain seemed to have lost the computational power to rein it in when said hero was in the vicinity. "That's good! Very good! Why would you be concerned about not using your quirk?" All Might scratched his chin thoughtfully. He seemed strangely unbothered by the fact that Izuku hadn't corrected him earlier, prompting him to waste valuable time of his day to bestow misplaced advice. "I guess Erasers tend to be somewhat at a disadvantage with rescue operations and solo missions... But I can assure you that, when it comes to apprehending villains, any combat specialist would beg to be teamed up with an Eraser. They're the absolute best support in case of quirk misfires and misuse... As you've just proven yourself." All Might seemed hell bent on encouraging Izuku's dream, now that he saw a real chance of success for him. Izuku was... moved, honestly, and sincerely grateful. But the hero was, once again, wasting his words. That wasn't Izuku's quirk, Izuku's quirk was far more sinister in its mechanics, far less likely to be requested or even endorsed by the hero community. Far more powerful, frighteningly so. Would All Might even be standing so close to the boy, within an arm's length, if he knew what would befall him if a hint of greed or envy pushed Izuku to- "Don't look down on yourself, kid." A bony yet amicable hand squeezed Izuku's shoulder, ripping him out of his meandering thoughts. All Might was smiling openly, his voice tinged with a softness that was entirely at odds with his haggard looks. "Your quirk might be less flashy than others, but I've seen enough today to know that you're definitely hero material, both in skills and heart." The really important thing is recognizing your own flesh and blood. Recognizing yourself. Izuku had been thinking a lot about that old interview of All Might's lately. The closer the UA admission test got, the more he found himself doubting his father's pessimistic take on the villainous nature of their quirk, and the more he wondered if he shouldn't trust himself, recognize himself, with enough conviction that everyone else would simply have to trust and recognize him too, eventually. It was easier said than done, of course. Spending the first twelve years of his life as quirkless hadn't exactly geared him towards building oodles of self-confidence. But he had to start somewhere. And if there was anyone in the world who was likely to see and trust and recognize Izuku for who he was, villanous quirk or not... it had to be him. The man who was the living embodiment of hope, reliability, rectitude and positivity. The man who apparently had a quirk with such a detrimental side effect that he ought to avoid resorting to it like the plague, and yet who kept using anyway, for the sake of the people. The man who was standing right in front of Izuku, giving it his all to obliterate his insecurities with sensible and kind words, with something awfully akin to pride for him shining in his clear eyes. If there was anyone that could change Izuku's world, it was All Might. "I, ah... actually, I... that isn't my quirk." "Oh?" All Might would have raised an eyebrow, if he had any. "Then what is it?" "I..." Izuku gulped. "I can take quirks. From other people. Permanently. And use them as my own." Silence. Not a muscle had moved on All Might's face, but suddenly his smile seemed a lot less alive, and a lot more set in stone. Izuku willed himself to keep speaking. "That's what I did to the villain. I stole- I took his quirk. It was the fastest way to stop him. The only way I could think of. It... worked quite well, uh?" Izuku offered a tentative smile, at the same time as All Might's started to fade. That... didn't bode well. But of course not even All Might could react to such a piece of information with immediate enthusiasm, it was a lot to take in, Izuku understood that. No doubt any moment now he'd slip back into his pep talk, reassure him of his chances to become a hero, wipe away his insecurities with a blinding smile and a boisterous laugh- "Do you still have it? The villain's quirk?" All Might asked in a whisper. "I do." Izuku knew, without really needing to try it out. He knew it with the same certainty as he knew that he was thirsty, or that his side did in fact hurt a little bit, or that most of skin was constantly brushing against his clothes. It was an almost visceral sensation, both conscious and subconscious, that he couldn't quite put into words. "I could try to use it too, if I wanted. Although I d-don't, really. I don't think I'll want to see any more slime for the next ten years or so, especially not on myself. Or as myself..." Izuku chuckled nervously, his heart growing heavier as All Might's expression reverted to one of studied, rigid neutrality. For once in his life, words failed him completely. He wrung his hands in discomfort, hoping that All Might would be the one to break that increasingly worrying silence. But his fidgeting caught the hero's attention. Very slowly, as if trying not to spook a wild animal, All Might's hand left Izuku's shoulder and took the boy's hand in his own, turning it over. He straightened the curled fingers with his thumb, fully exposing his palm and the small, circular hole right in the center of it. And then all of Izuku's hopes crumbled to dust. Very scary, very disturbing things had happened to him that day. He had almost died, he had almost accidentally killed a friend, he had inadvertedly learned a potentially peace-endangering secret, he had been forced to reveal a personally-endangering secret. He could have lived with all of that, probably. But nothing could have prepared him for the subtle shaking of All Might's hand as he observed the stigmata of Izuku's quirk. Nothing could have humiliated more than the sharp inhale of his idol, than the way his breath caught in his throat in obvious shock. Nothing could have confirmed his father's warnings more than the one thing he would have never, never, never expected to see - let alone cause - in the eyes of the Symbol of Peace. Fear.

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #Toshinori Yagi #All Might #deku #izuku midoriya

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amjustagirl · 3 years

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ahh i’m sorry we bombard you about your love life, again, you can always decline to answer! it’s just that it’s clear you’re very down to earth and sensible, and i feel like that kind of voice is needed in areas like these where things may be over glamorized or romanticized, if that makes sense!

but what advice would you give to girls? and idk if you mentioned how long you two were dating before getting married, but are there any words you’d give in regards to using the single time wisely and how to navigate waters when in a relationship, as well as anything you’d like to say for those who are eager or perhaps worried to find someone as well?

no don't be sorry! i'm completely okay with answering any questions yall have, really! and awww thank you for your compliment - idk if this sounds pretentious but i do feel a sense of responsibility being someone who's kinda older on the tumblrsphere to be kind to the younger ones, esp by telling them what i wish someone told me when i was young and lost.

hrm i dated him for 4+ yrs before getting married. as for advice...

figure out what your endgame is - when you're single, consider whether you rly wanna get married, and if you do, do you want kids? what's the type of lifestyle that you want. then tune your preferences and criteria for a romantic partner so you can achieve your endgame - e.g. if you want a stable marriage w kids, pls do not waste your time by dating bad boys and expect them to change for the better. it will NOT work.

know what you prioritise in a relationship - i'd say get out there and meet ppl! that'll help sieve out qualities you admire / appreciate and form criteria that you can then apply when looking for a romantic partner.

truly consider whether they respect you as a person, not as a trophy / someone they place on a pedestal - does your partner try to change you (where no change is required -e.g. make your change your style / dressing / etc.)? does your partner speak to you like an equal - is there a true meeting of your minds? does your partner involve you in their life decisions? do they encourage and support you in your goals and dreams?

try moving in / living w your partner before getting married - it seems obvs to ppl fr the west but in my country, you only move in after you get married (for a variety of reasons, will explain if yall are curious). this helps you judge whether you can stand their daily habits, level of cleanliness, and imptly whether they respect you by helping out with chores / their share of housework.

learn how to communicate - i don't bother playing games with my partner. i tell him exactly what i want, he tells me exactly what i want, we make sure we don't disappoint each other. that way no resentment festers, our relationship stays healthy.

as for ppl worried about being single - i'd say, don't be. because being in a bad relationship is infinitely worse than being single, and there's a whole wide world out there for you to explore. be brave and seek out the world!

if you truly want to find a romantic partner tho, i'd say put yourself in a position where you'd be able to meet new ppl - whether it be through a dating app, hobbies, extracurricular activities, whatever works for you (this is also how i managed to nudge my little sister into finding her boyfriend and they're ridiculously happy now hoho).

#Nikki chats!#Anon<3 #Nikki's love and life

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miracleonice87 · 4 years

Text

Make You Feel My Love with Nathan MacKinnon

a Nathan MacKinnon song fic

a/n: season outcome, timing, and stats = totally fake. based on Nate’s public mentions in past interviews of seeing a sports psychologist, which is really inspiring to me. seeking professional advice is a GOOOOD thing! also, wasn’t originally intended to be a song fic, but Adele’s version of Make You Feel My Love (originally by Bob Dylan) came on while I was finishing it up, so I went with it! last note: pretending Tyson never got traded to the Leafs is the best part of writing hockey fanfiction. 🥺

summary: Angry/Sad Nate loses in the playoffs and takes his frustrations out on his girlfriend Sam, who gets comfort and advice from his teammates and friends.

warnings: swearing; isolated, individual outbursts of anger but NO physical violence; mentions of counseling/therapy and the practice of sports psychology (obviously, like I mentioned, this is a good thing but just something to know); crying Nate (I feel like that deserves a warning)

_____

Deflated, I sat in a bulky black chair in the team family room deep in the recesses of the Pepsi Center for several minutes after leaving the wives and girlfriends suite, needing a moment away from prying eyes and cameras to process what had just occurred.

The Avalanche had been one of the highly favored teams in the West all season long, yet had just been swept in the second round of the playoffs. My boyfriend, Nathan MacKinnon, widely regarded as one of the best players in the NHL, had totaled only one point in the 11 playoff games the team had played this year, earning a single assist on a Mikko Rantanen goal.

Needless to say, that hadn’t been sitting right with Nate.

He’d been short with me since the first few games of the postseason; even shorter than he typically got when he was in a drought. I had tried to give him space, but he snapped about the smallest questions I asked or requests I made of him: what he wanted for dinner, or to be sure he called to wish his sister Sarah a happy birthday. He sometimes mumbled an apology in my general direction, but more often than not, he simply left the room in a huff. I tried my best to be patient — to give him space.

It was abundantly clear that the pressure that always loomed heavy over Nathan like a thick, dark cloud had now intensified. I knew, without him ever verbalizing it, that he felt more burdened than ever before to live up to the hype — to the expectations he had for himself, and to those placed on him, either explicitly or implicitly, by the entire hockey community and the media.

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

I sat still with my head in my hands for what seemed like forever, until sweet Mel Landeskog, whom I had become so close with over the last four seasons of watching our significant others play together, came and rubbed my back gently through the custom Avs denim jacket that hung on my shoulders. I lifted my head to look at her, a sympathetic smile etched on her beautiful features.

“I’m sorry, Sammy,” Mel offered. “I know he’s gonna be so hard on himself. But he had such a great season — he needs to be proud of that,” she reasoned. I nodded.

Mel was right. He had had a truly remarkable regular season — he had scored 95 points in 82 games after a enduring a considerable slump for much of the previous year. This year stood in stark contrast to last. He had been riding high for many weeks; that is, until playoffs hit.

I stood to wrap Mel in a hug, appreciative of her gesture of support but unwilling to reflect on Nate’s play right now. “Thank you, Mel,” I told her as I squeezed her tightly. “I’m gonna miss you so much this summer,” I added, gesturing to the car seat on the floor beside her. “And Nate and I will both miss that little one, too,” I said as I blew Linnea a kiss, making her giggle, a welcome sound after a heartbreaking display on the ice. Mel glanced down at her baby daughter, beaming.

“I know, honey. We’ll miss you too. But it won’t be long until we’re all back here together, plus we’ll see each other for a couple of these bachelorette parties and summer weddings and get-togethers, yeah?” she said with a nudge.

“Yeah, that’ll be nice. Until then, you guys be safe,” I told her. With one last hug and quick kisses to each other’s cheeks, Mel picked up Linnea in her seat and exited the room. I realized that she and I had been the last two wives or girlfriends to leave, with most of us having exchanged quiet goodbyes in the suite before making hasty escapes to the parking area to console our respective sad hockey players.

With a groan at the depressing thought, I pulled my jean jacket tighter to my torso and walked slowly out the open door.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one there to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

The locker room doors stood maybe ten yards down the hall. The usual rambunctious ruckus that so often echoed off the cinderblock walls was tonight exchanged for a thick silence. It seemed that most of the guys had already left, and those who remained were noiseless. I softly greeted a few of the familiar men who made their way out the doors, offering only a sad smile and a few words of comfort to each, knowing that they weren’t in the mood to engage. They were, however, still polite, with several of the players embracing me briefly or kissing my cheek as they left the building.

Gabe Landeskog was among the very last to leave the room, unsurprisingly, as he was ever the responsible and respectable captain. He spotted me immediately and enveloped me in his strong grasp.

“Hi, friend,” I whispered into his shoulder, worried that my voice would break. “Hi, söt flicka,” (sweet girl) he countered.

“I’m sorry, Cap,” I told him quietly. He pulled back and shook his head. “Don’t apologize. Wasn’t our year,” he replied with a shrug. “As you can imagine, Nate is taking it pretty hard...” his voice trailed off. “I just want you to be prepared,” he finally added, carefully.

My stomach knotted. I tucked some of my hair behind my ear and swiftly licked my lips, feeling anxiety pool in my gut.

Gabe placed a firm hand on my shoulder. “Just remember it’s not you he’s upset with. It’s himself,” he said softly. I quickly glanced up at him and nodded. “Thank you,” I choked out. “Now you better get going. You’ve got two beautiful girls waiting for you,” I told him, feigning a bright grin. He tried to mirror my expression, but fell short. It was unnatural to see such sadness in his normally joyful visage. He squeezed my upper arm.

“That I do,” Gabe agreed. “We’ll see you soon, Sam.”

“Okay,” I whispered. “Bye, Cap.” He gave a solemn nod and disappeared down the hallway.

My unease only multiplied after my exchange with Gabe. I began to pace slowly in a circle. I jumped a few moments later when the door flew open with a screech, Nate emerging from behind it, a bitter, dark expression on his face.

I greeted him softly, tentatively, reaching a hand toward him.

“Nate, baby, I —“

My boyfriend brushed past me in a flash, causing a literal draft of air to hit me as he held up his hand, never even making eye contact with me as he practically stomped down the corridor.

My blood ran hot — how dare he not acknowledge my presence after I had attended how many home games, and even road games, supporting him and cheering him on, no matter what? And that was just this season — what about the three prior? Why was he shutting me out? My heart thumped against my ribcage.

“Nathan,” I called, my voice firm this time, whipping around to face his back and then fumbling with the chain of my Louis Vuitton bag as it fell from my shoulder. Discombobulated, I threaded it back over my arm clumsily and took two hurried steps in Nate’s direction, but he was already out of sight.

Just then, I noticed our close friend Tyson Barrie standing a few feet behind me. I could infer from the way he was approaching me gingerly, which was highly unlike him, that he had witnessed our exchange, or the lack thereof. I sighed and pressed a hand to my forehead, his hand coming to grip my other elbow.

“Sam, sweetheart... you okay?” Tyson asked softly. Hot tears pricked my eyelids, but I refused to let them fall, blinking them back with a sniffle. My hand fell back to my side — I was shaking now.

“I knew he would be mad...” I began. “But what the fuck, Tys?” My voice wavered.

Tyson instinctively pulled my waist to his side, giving me a quick, protective kiss to the temple, before pulling away and offering me his hand.

“Come on, I’ll drive you home,” he volunteered. With another sniff, I shook my head. “No, it’s okay, Tys. I drove, thank god,” I spat. “Besides, you’re dealing with the same disappointment. You need to go home with Em and unwind,” I insisted, smoothing one hand over his suit jacket. His head dropped and he offered a weak nod.

“I guess. But listen, if he’s still not acting right, call me, okay? You know you can come over. You’re always welcome, especially when he’s being such an ass,” Tyson said, the end of his sentence turning into a growl. We both sighed; I nodded.

“Thanks, Tys. I’ll let you know. And listen, I’m sorry... about tonight. I know it hurts,” I told him, hugging his neck with one arm. He spread his fingers over my back and gave me a squeeze before stepping back to look into my eyes.

“It’s just hockey,” he said quietly. I smiled weakly and nodded once. “Bye, Sam. See you soon,” he said, rubbing one hand over my shoulder as he turned and made his way down the hall to find Emma.

If only Nathan shared his friend’s logic and sentiment.

I dropped my head back at the thought, tears once again collecting in my eyes. I forced them closed in an attempt to stay composed. With another sigh, I slowly started toward the private parking garage where my vehicle waited.

Unsurprisingly, as I stepped through the glass door and into the garage where I spotted my Audi, the spot next to me where Nate’s Porsche had been was empty. I unlocked my car, tossed my bag and scarf into the passenger side, and slammed my door shut before giving the steering wheel two firm bangs with the palm of my hand. My body still hadn’t stopped trembling.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling down the avenue

No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

I rested my forehead against the leather steering wheel for a moment before drawing a breath and finally backing out of my spot and exiting the garage, apprehensive of the scene I might find at the condo Nathan and I shared.

_____

I stepped through the front door tentatively, chewing on the inside of my lip. I was careful not to make a sound, walking on tiptoes to avoid clicking my heeled boots on the white tile floor. I dropped my purse onto the table in the entryway and reached to hang up my keys on the rack by the closet when I heard the distinct sound of glass — a lot of glass — shattering.

I froze.

The plans I had formulated in my head during my drive to confront Nate as soon as I arrived home suddenly seemed too unnerving to carry out.

My knees were nearly knocking together as I zipped through the living room and tucked myself behind the wet bar in one corner of the room. I hid myself in a partially-enclosed area where the wine and beer fridge stood, then felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I fumbled to answer it, not wanting to make too much noise.

Sidney Crosby, the onscreen caller ID read. I tapped the green button.

“Hello?” I was caught off guard by how frightened my own voice sounded as I answered.

“Sam, hi. Are you home?” Sid’s usually calm and collected tone was now bathed in concern.

“Hi, Sid. Yeah, I just got home. He’s, uh... it’s not good,” I said quietly, glancing at the staircase as I heard another thud upstairs, this time what sounded like a pair of shoes against Nate’s closet wall. On the other end of the call, Sid heaved a heavy sigh.

“Yeah, I figured,” he said tensely. “I tried calling him thinking I might catch him on his way home and talk him down a bit, but he ignored my call. I’m sorry, Sam. Are you alright?”

I glanced down at my free hand which rested on the oak wood of the bar. I was still trembling, my fears of coming home to chaos having been realized.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I choked out, lying through my teeth. “It’s just hard to watch.”

A deep hum of understanding came from Sid’s throat. “I bet. Have you talked to him?”

I shook my head, despite the fact that Sid was nowhere nearby to see the gesture. “No,” I vocalized weakly. “He uh... he kinda... he didn’t wanna talk to me at the arena... I don’t think.” I fiddled with my promise ring on my left hand as I made the admission. It didn’t even sound like Sid was breathing on the other end of the line.

“You’re telling me he blew you off?” he asked gruffly. I could envision Sidney running a hand over his face before gripping his neat curls atop his dark hair, as he often did when frustrated. I opened my mouth to confirm, but couldn’t actually bring myself to do so, knowing what his reaction would be. I also didn’t want to confess to the commotion I had just heard upstairs, knowing that it would further upset my concerned friend, on my behalf. Instead, I let my silence do the talking.

“Goddammit, Sam,” he growled. “I’m so sorry. He’s young. He- he... I used to do this shit, too,” Sidney admitted with a quick breath. “It’s bullshit. He’s just angry with himself and he’s taking it out on you and it’s not fair. I had hoped I had set a better example about how to deal with these things when they happen... but apparently not.”

A couple of hot tears fell to my face as I responded. “This isn’t your fault, Sid.” He retorted immediately, “Well, it’s sure as hell not yours, either.”

We both sat in contemplation for several moments, neither sure of the next step to take. Then, Sid decided.

“I won’t call him again because he needs to talk to you first. But I am going to text him and urge him that he needs to let you in,” Sid insisted. “He needs to let somebody in,” he repeated. “And it needs to be you first.”

More tears were falling now, and I glanced up at the chandelier overhead and pulled my phone from my ear for a beat to try and settle myself. I wiped at my face with the bottom of my thumb.

“Okay,” I finally whispered. I hadn’t ever really cried around Sid, and while he was one of the nicest and most genuine human beings on the planet, I knew he wasn’t quite accustomed to emotional encounters like this one, and I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by letting him hear the sobs that were bubbling up in my chest.

“It might not feel like it right now,” Sid broached, speaking in a soothing tone reminiscent of my father’s or brother’s when trying to console me. “But you’re right where you need to be. So is he. He needs you, Sam.”

I've known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong

“Sam?” Nate suddenly called out from the balcony above me, his voice not sounding heated, but doleful instead. From where he stood upstairs, he couldn’t see me.

“Was that him?” Sid asked. “Yeah,” I said softly, somewhat in response to both men. “Good. He’s coming around. Trust me. I’ll let you go. Text me later, eh?” Sid requested, sounding slightly relieved. “Yeah, I will. Promise. Thank you. Bye,” I said hurriedly before ending the call.

“Sam?” Nate’s voice echoed off the walls once more, sounding desperate this time. My pulse quickened.

“Yeah. I’m coming,” I said softly. I stuffed my phone back into my pocket, took a steadying breath, and turned to walk upstairs and face him.

By the time I arrived on the second floor only a handful of moments later, Nate was already back in our bedroom, seated in the oversized Queen Anne chair near the center of the room, elbows on his knees, chin almost to his chest. I was shocked to hear small sobs escaping his lips. He glanced in my general direction, not meeting my eyes, and cried harder.

“I can’t even look at you right now,” Nate finally spoke, somewhat coarsely. My heart seemed to shatter right then, and I felt my body steel in self-defense, preparing for war.

“I can’t even believe how I treated you back there. I’m such an awful fucking human. I’m a monster. I’m so sorry,” Nate added tearfully, catching me off guard.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret

The winds of change are blowing wild and free

You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I immediately let out three sobs that seemed to have been lodged in my throat for almost an hour now and, in an instant, closed the gap between us. I dropped to my knees in front of him and laid my head in his lap, hugging his calves. Never before had we shared such an intensely emotional moment. Above me, he covered his eyes with his hands and drew shallow, gasping breaths in an unsuccessful attempt to calm himself.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he cried, not touching me of his own accord. “I’m so sorry.” I picked up my head and looked at him, urgency coursing through my veins. I needed him to come back to me.

“Nathan, baby, hey,” I coaxed, rubbing his big thigh with my hand, which looked so small in comparison. “Look at me. Please? I need you to.”

After a beat, Nate finally lifted his head from his hands, his pale skin slightly splotchy and tinted red, blue eyes shimmering behind more tears that threatened to fall.

“There’s my handsome man,” I said softly, combing my fingers through the neat hair near his ears, watching him slowly return to me.

“Hey, I want you to listen to me, okay? Tonight you’re allowed to cry it out, or punch our pillows, or run on the treadmill all night to blow off some steam. And then I’ll give you a couple more days to swallow this. But after that? We’re gonna check in with Dr. Butler, both of us, so she can give us some ways to cope with this.”

Nate’s shuddering breaths had finally started to slow as I spoke, referencing one of his most trusted allies, the Denver-based sports psychologist he had been seeing now for a few seasons to help him deal with not only hockey-related challenges and mental blocks, but also general anxiety, in order to boost his mental health. I was careful not to allow my tone to come across as if I were babying him, but instead offering comfort and, more importantly, suggesting help. “Because tonight? These last couple weeks? This can’t be it. We can’t deal with things this way. I don’t want you shutting me out, or Sid, or your family, okay? You wouldn’t let me do that — I’m not gonna let you,” I added.

Nate nodded quickly. “Absolutely, babe. I was just gonna say, as soon as I heard you on the phone downstairs, it really just hit me. I realized I needed to text her and set up an appointment,” he told me, his voice no longer shaky. “And that I needed to apologize to you,” he added softly. I nodded, and he grabbed my hands, pulling me to my feet and then back down to lie in his lap. I threw my legs over one arm of the chair and settled against his chest.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to find comfort in Nate’s heartbeat for a moment, as he pressed soft kisses into my hair, before I looked around the room, assessing the damage. I noticed that his suit coat lay crumpled in the middle of his closet floor, his shoes having bounced off the wall there as I suspected, and they sat out of place atop his neatly assembled collection of footwear. Across from us, I noticed the source of the shattered glass — a shadow box display from Nate’s unforgettable rookie season hung just slightly crooked on the wall, the glass in the front completely broken out, save for the shards along the inner edge of the frame.

Nate followed my gaze to the mess and sighed. “I’m really sorry about that, Sam,” he said, shame creeping into his tone. I nodded knowingly. “What did you throw?” I asked. “That puck they gave me from the last game of the regular season. It was on my dresser when I set my wallet down and it just set me off,” he admitted sheepishly. “It was stupid.”

“Yes, it was stupid to break something that’s valuable to you, but it’s not stupid, what you’re feeling,” I told him firmly. “Besides, we’ll get a new glass panel and it’ll be good as new.” His grip around me tightened, appreciative of my response. “Thank you,” Nate whispered into my ear. I turned to kiss his lips slowly and deeply. He finally pulled back, only to murmur, “I don’t deserve you. I’m so grateful I have you.” I smoothed my thumb across his cheekbone. “I’m always going to be here for you, Nate,” I promised. He gave me one more solemn kiss.

“Listen, I’m gonna carry you into the bathroom so you don’t even get close to any shards of glass, and I’ll clean all this up while you run us a bath,” Nate told me. “I’ll join you soon. I think it’ll be good for both of us, eh?” I nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck as he easily picked me up bridal-style and headed toward the en suite.

Things were far from perfect, but I was prepared to do everything in my power to get us as close as possible. From the change in his demeanor, I knew Nate was, too.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends of the Earth for you

To make you feel my love

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elenajohansenauthor · 4 years

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I always dreamed of being a writer. I got in an accident right out of highschool that changed my life and basically killed my dream. I started a new life. Now though I long for what might have been. I feel unfulfilled. Like I am missing something.

I write visual and detailed Facebook posts, but they are wasted there. I write stories I never send, I just save them in my Google docs. Again wasted.

Can you give pointers on where to start. I want to write and people read what I have to say. Not just read, feel what I wanted then to feel.

I love to write. I don't care if it's micro fiction, flash fiction, traditional, or even letters. I just love words.

This is a doozy of an ask, but I’ll do my best, okay?

I’m about to say something that’s going to sound negative, but I promise I don’t mean it that way: your tone comes across as desperate. You want to write. You’re missing something from your life. You want to be seen and appreciated and understood.

All of those desires are understandable. Most people feel that way at some point in their life, though not necessarily about writing. I realize using the word “desperate” has negative connotations, but in this sense, really you’re just reaching out. You’re hungry for connection, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

You can definitely find that as a writer on the internet. There are communities for you, here on Tumblr or elsewhere. Here’s the hard-to-swallow part:

You’re not necessarily going to find the right one, right away. And you’re definitely not going to get instant validation for your writing.

I’ve been doing my author thing for five years in public spaces. I have only just now broken 1,000 followers here, and my main blog has less than 300. I appreciate every single one of them (that isn’t a bot, anyway) but building an audience only happens “overnight” for a very small percentage of writers, and chances are, you’re not going to be one of them.

I don’t say this to discourage you; I say this to give you reasonable expectations. I’ve seen other writers jump into a community, post a handful of pieces, expect instant acclaim, and flame out when they don’t get it. Some disappear quietly and I’m left to wonder if they’ll keep trying elsewhere or give up entirely; some lash out at the group, throwing a fit and threatening to take their toys and go home, then getting angrier when no one begs them to stay. Neither type started their journey expecting a long haul.

But that desperation I feel coming from your ask, even viewed in a neutral light, worries me. You say your writing is “wasted” if no one sees it, but I don’t believe that’s true. Even if your ultimate goal is to write for an audience, in whatever form that takes, I don’t believe any writing is ever wasted. Everything helps you grow in your craft, even the “bad” or experimental stuff. Each piece hones your style more. Each piece represents some aspect of you, whether it’s channeling your past, facing your present, or looking to your future.

So my advice on “where to start” is to accept that writing might be a slow process in meeting your needs. I’m not saying it can’t or won’t; I don’t know enough about where you are. But understand, it’s not a journey that offers quick rewards to any but the luckiest few. Dig in, examine what you want out of your writing, what you expect to get in return, and only then, choose a community (writeblr, Wattpad, AO3, any one of a half million others I expect are out there but I don’t know about,) post a small amount of your work, reach out to others, participate in events, ask questions, get involved. But don’t expect to be noticed immediately. Don’t expect people to come to you at first; be willing to go to them. Be interested in other people’s writing, leave comments or kudos. Seek support and help when you need it, but offer it, too, when you can. If you make an effort to be a good member of the community, you’ll make friends, more than gather fans; but the fans will come, and some of them might end up friends too.

That’s been my experience here. I’ve published three novels and barely gotten any attention for them, compared to the “big” success stories of writeblr, which are still often small in the greater scheme of the publishing world. And honestly, I do wish I had more success with that--like you, I want people to read my writing. I love the warm glow I get when someone writes a good review or says my stories meant something to them. But as the early years went by with only small triumphs in that arena, I noticed that much more than wanting an audience, I needed support and friendship. Writing is lonely work for most of us, even when the world isn’t falling apart. I wouldn’t be able to keep writing, some days, if I didn’t know I could turn to writeblr for advice on something I was struggling with, a friendly mutual to chat with, or someone spamming my dash with cute baby animal videos because they’re having a bad day and know that someone else probably is too.

We may not be the right community for what you want out of writing, but more than anything, I think you do need a community, even if it’s not us. That’s your starting point. Pick a place, start participating, and find your people.

#writeblr #asked #writing advice #anonymous #writeblr positivity

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dameronology · 4 years

Text

obi-wan kenobi fluff alphabet

based off of this original post! if you guys want to see another star wars/marvel character, drop a message in my inbox :D

a - activities - what do they like to do with their s/o? how do they spend their free time with them?

obi-wan would sit and watch paint dry for hours if he was with you. he doesn’t care what you guys do, as long as you’re together. however, he does particularly enjoy training with you, especially when you both get competitive. he also loves going for long walks, particularly at sunset, when you guys can just talk about everything and nothing.

b -beauty - what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?

as a jedi, obi-wan automatically admires things like patience and understanding, but especially passion. he loves when his s/o has a fiery passion to do something, whether it’s for a cause or to complete a task.

c - comfort - how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

obi-wan can usually sense your emotions through the force, so he’s very aware of what you’re feeling. if he’s not with you, he’ll reach out to you and try and talk to you - it’ll be calming words, sometimes ones of advice. if he’s with you, he’ll sit you down and hold you. if you want to talk about it, he’s all ears, but he’s also more than happy to just lay with you.

d - dreams - how do they picture their future with their s/o?

this is a tricky one because given the circumstances, obi-wan can never plan any definitive - his job is unpredictable and he barely knows what he’s doing in the next week. with that said, the one thing he is certain of is that wherever he ends up, he wants you with him.

e- equal - are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

your relationship is definitely one of equals. obi-wan is so big on communication and talking and being on the same wavelength as you is very important to him. with that said, he is a jedi master and spends most his time instructing other people so he can over-step a little sometimes, but he’s very quick to notice and act on it.

f - fight - would they be easy to forgive their s/o? how are they fighting?

again, obi-wan is so big on the communication front and he urges you to talk things out rather than argue. with that said, fights are kind of inevitable in any relationship and they do happen; if he’s in the wrong, he’ll always apologise quickly and if you’re the one he feels is in the wrong, he’ll explain why and it’s not long before a compromise is reached.

g - gratitude - how grateful are they in general? are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

he is the KING of gratitude. he is so aware of everything you do for him and obi-wan is so focused on making sure you know it. (side note: some of his methods of appreciation™ belong in the other kind of alphabet)

h - honesty - do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? or do they share everything?

obi-wan would never lie to you. he hardly has a reason to, and even if he did, his guilty conscious would make it impossible for him to do so. your relationship is your safe space and it’s an open book. you know each other better than you know yourselves (which works out quite nicely).

inspiration - did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

you turned his whole world around. before you, he’d completely shut the door on love and locked it behind him. you made him realise that he could be a good jedi and still love you. in fact, obi-wan probably credits you for making him a better jedi; the presence of somebody else in his life made him much more rational and self-aware.

j - jealousy - do they get jealous easily? how do they deal with it?

obi-wan tries not to get jealous but he’s a human being, and it does happen. you guys can’t be open about your relationship in certain places, and that does lead to situations where somebody gets a little too close, but it’s his trust for you that trumps his jealousy. he knows that you love him and would never hurt him, and that’s enough to get him through it.

K - kiss - are they a good kisser? what was the first kiss like?

obi-wan kenobi is one hell of a kisser and nobody could convince me otherwise. he’s definitely had enough experience with it, and that only increases when he starts to learn what you like in particular.

l - love confession - how would they confess to their s/o?

it would probably take a lot for him to tell you - like, obi-wan is risking a lot and going against the very code he practices. but, once he’s convinced himself to do it, it’s full steam ahead and it’s a simple declaration.

m- marriage - do they want to get married? how do they propose? what would the marriage be like?

it probably depends on the situation. if it was after order 66 (ouch) and you’re both adjusting to life on tatooine, he’d definitely be down for it; after everything, he’d want to settle down and you’re the only constant in his life. if you were both still at the temple, he’d be pretty content with just being with you. your relationship is extremely dedicated and important to you both, so it’s not all that different from a marriage.

n - nicknames - what do they call their s/o?

obi-wan probably uses darling, my love and my dear the most.

o - on cloud nine - what are they like when they are in love? is it obvious for others? how do they express their feelings?

he’s in a permanently good mood. anakin is probably the first to notice it; when he messes up and obi-wan is oddly pleasant about it, that’s when he realises. he’s normally an upbeat person most the time anyways, but when he’s in love, he’s like a literal ray of sunshine.

p - pda - are they upfront about their relationship? do they brag with their s/o in front of others? or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

for obvious reasons, you and obi-wan have to keep your relationship completely secret. with that said, if you guys are on a far away mission where nobody you know can see you, he’ll put on small displays of affection like intertwining your fingers or putting his hand on the small of your back.

Q - quirk - some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

obi-wan’s connection to the force works as a connection to you (and vice versa if you’re also a jedi). it’s never in an overbearing way or a protective way, but it means you guys are intertwined in a way that’s beyond your average earthly relationship.

r- romance - how romantic are they? what would they do to make their s/o happy? cliché or rather creative?

for obi-wan, his love for you is hidden in every day gestures. he remembers the exact way you like your caff, he’ll take note of every tiny detail of every conversation ever and he listens to you in a way you’ll never quite get over. for example, one time you mentioned you liked a type of flowers that can only be found on one specific type of planet, and six months later, he happened to be on a mission there. he returned with the flowers, which by then, you hadn’t even remembered mentioning.

s -support - are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? do they believe in them?

the man is like your own personal cheerleading squad. whatever your goal is, however big or small, he will support you through hell and high water.

t - thrill - do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? or do they prefer a certain routine?

because there’s a lot of sneaking around, you’re both kept on your toes pretty much all the time. with that said, you and obi-wan do fall into your own kind of routine together after a few years; neither of you mind. as long as you’re together, you’re happy.

u - understanding - how good do they know their partner? are they empathetic?

obi-wan knows you better than anybody. he knows your tiny mannerisms and habits and he never fails to surprise you with how much he gets you.

v- value - how important is the relationship to them? what is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

you’re literally the most important thing in his life. everything he does, he does it for you.

w - wild Card - A random fluff headcanon.

obi-wan loves to hold you at night, and sometimes it’s not even a conscious decision. there are times when you fall asleep on different sides of the mattress and wake up to find your legs tangled and his arms clinging onto you.

x - xoxo - are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

in private, hell yes. when you guys are in your quarters, he loves to hold you and kiss you. it was surprising at first because before you were together, you never would have predicted it but it’s one of your favourite things about him.

y - yearning - how will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

thank fuck for force bonds, amirite?

when you guys are apart, you can easily stay in touch because of your connection via the force. it’s nothing compared to physically being with you, but it helps tide him through the longer missions.

x - zeal - are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? if so, what kind of?

obi-wan would literally cross the galaxy and back ten times over for you. the man would do anything to keep you safe and protect you.

#obi-wan kenobi x reader #obi-wan x reader #obi-wan kenobi imagine #obi-wan imagine #star wars x reader #star wars imagine #star wars fluff #star wars imagines #star wars preferences #star wars alphabet #star wars fanfic

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claudemblems · 4 years

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waaah i really know the feeling with schoolwork + requests, it sucks a lot :( especially bcus whenever i DO have motivation to do anything my brain is like. u gotta spend that energy on school stuff instead yk!!! sucks a lot :(

i really hope u feel better soon and always remember that u dont owe ur requesters anything and they arent mad if u take a while !! i know the feeling a lot so sadly i have no advice for getting over it but i promise no one is mad or disappointed however long u take, all of us are rooting for you!! <33 i hope things get better for you, + im always here if u need someone to talk to!! <33

I really can’t remember a time when I was this stressed. It’s been a while. It just makes me feel physically ill and worn out. I know that college is something I chose to do, but I want to hold myself to certain standards and push forwards. The downside is that it completely drains my motivation and creativity. I’m not really in a sad state of depression, more of a “I can’t find enjoyment in anything I used to do” kind of state. I really blame online classes and lack of communication from our teachers for this.

I kinda feel like I’m getting annoying repeating “I’m sorry” over and over again, but I guess I’m just setting really high standards for myself. I’m a perfectionist, so when I don’t reach my goals (which are often quite lofty) I beat myself up for it. I forget other people aren’t judging me the same way I judge myself.

I really do appreciate your kindness and taking the time to reach out to me. My spirits are lifted when I see you in my inbox <3 I hope things go better for you, too. Feel free to chat with me if you need to get anything off your chest or you just need a distraction from all this chaos. Thank you for your support <3

#ask

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romolite · 4 years

Text

*Important FAQ*

Aka questions that pertain to what I usually post about or stuff I don’t like getting asks about but continue to get asks about regardless.

[Insert any invasive question about my ethnicity/race]

I’m Ghanaian American. My parents were born in Ghana and I was born here in the US. I’ve seen it more on twitter and tumblr, but Black Africans don’t like me because I’m American, and black Americans don’t like me because I’m African. So I’m stuck in the middle lmao. I’m what you’d consider a First-Generation African, my parents are Continental Africans, and if I have children, they will be considered Generational African Americans.

First Generation African: A black person born in the US to parents who were born in Africa

Generational African American: A black person born in the US to US-born black parent(s)

Continental African: A black person born in Africa to parents who were also born in Africa

Non is just a prefix, black people don’t have a monopoly on the term! I suppose you think nonbinary people are racist huh?

Yeah sure it wasnt coined by black people but the context it’s currently used as was predominantly used by black people. ALL people who are not black benefit from and contribute to antiblackness, even if they are marginalized themselves. That kind of dynamic doesnt exist in other contexts (unless we’re talking about transfem + transmisogyny, but that’s something you’d have to talk to someone who is transfem about. Plus they have their own word for “non-transfem”). Using it in contexts outside of antiblackness is appropriative (Yall are annoying as fuck with the “non-aspec” “non-lesbian”(this term also has anti-bi roots btw) “non-bi” shit etc, stop it. You also can’t complain about the “replacement terms” lumping yall with oppressors when “non-x” does the exact same thing you’re so worried about. “Cis” puts cis gays with cis hets, cis disabled people with cis abled people, cis white people with cis poc, I could go on.)

Plus we’re talking about marginalized groups here. Black people are a marginalized group. Binary people as a whole are not so the term nonbinary isn’t appropriate at all. I dont take issue with terms like “nonamerican” or “nonwhite” because (obviously) whites + americans as a whole aren’t oppressed for being white or american.

Basically using "non-x” in contexts to talk about oppression bad, everything else good.

Follow up: If we can’t use non-[marginalized group], what can we use instead?

There are other words to describe the people you’re talking about

non-transfem- TME

non-LGBT- cishet, or people who aren’t LGBT

non-trans - cis

Black people don’t have a monopoly on the acronym nb! I’ll call myself nb if I want to!

At this point I dont really care, go on your antiblack crusade elsewhere and out of my inbox, I’m always gonna mean nonblack when I use the acronym nb.

And yes, you’re antiblack as fuck if you think black people telling you “nb” stands for “nonblack” is the same as exclusionists claiming “aspec” is for autistic people.

Is x AAVE?

I have a tag dedicated to what is and is not aave and how harmful it is for nonblacks to use aave given its history. I know some things overlap with southern culture but others are specifically for black people. A lot of “stan twitter” language/slang is just repackaged AAVE. No, I can’t tell you how to stop using AAVE. Don’t tell me you’re going to try to stop using AAVE, I don’t want to hear it.

Why don’t you like the n-word being compared to LGBT slurs?

Race and Sexuality/Gender aren’t comparable topics because each deals with a different history of oppression. I don’t care about slur discourse that much because I don’t even use/reclaim any myself except the n-word.

I have a problem with nonblack LGBT people co-opting black culture and struggle(like they always do), especially for trivial online discourse.

And to be honest it goes deeper than slur discourse. Every other day someone is weaponizing the oppression of black trans women, or comparing “cishet aces/aros” in the LGBT community to white/nonblack people invading black spaces (you know, something that ACTUALLY takes resources away from the people who need it, see the cultural appropriation of Black African and Blac American culture in literally any nonblack community while black people get demonized for said culture), or tokenizing their black friends to get away with something blatantly racist. And that’s not even getting into how a lot of gay slang/stan culture is just repurposed AAVE/black culture.

And I’m not gonna lie, I’ve seen this more with exclusionist accounts than inclus accounts, but it’s still not excusable for inclus to do that either. We get erased as black gay/trans/queer/aspec people up until it’s time for discourse accounts to bring us up to one-up each other

Can you give me advice on x?

Most likely not, because I’m not an expert or an advice blog. I’ll try, but don't take my word for it. I’m also tme, able-bodied, not Jewish, singlet, etc, so I’m not able to accurately answer questions about transmisogyny, (physical?) ableism, antisemitism, “sycourse”, etc.

I might be able to give advice on school-related stuff since I just graduated high school, but remember that students are not a monolith, and what worked for me may not work for someone else.

Can I follow if I’m nonblack/a minor/cishet?

Nonblack and/or cishet can follow but watch your step, minors blacklist the #minors dni tag before following

Why do you hate Ao3?

*long sigh*

I don't, I have a problem with the fact that it allows racist and (frankly voyeuristic) pedophilic/abusive/incestuous content to exist on its platform. It’s a good concept overall, but the devs are complicit in allowing “underage” and “noncon/dubcon” fics on their platform.

And there's the fact that they somehow need donations every year despite exceeding their goal several times over each year?

What’s wrong with Hazbin Hotel/The Ships/Vivziepop?

[WIP, as I have to go into extensive detail about this and I currently don’t have the energy for it]

TLDR: Viv made a half-assed apology for supporting racists (one of whom did blackface [yes the mask was used to do blackface shut up] to mock black activist) and drawing gross content. Her current projects including Hazbin Hotel are full of anti-gay/trans/aspec (Angel Dust, Vaggie, Alastor), antisemetic (Mimzy), and racist (Vaggie again, that yellow cyclops character that I’ve forgotten the name of) content under the guise of humor. If you’re into that shit, whatever, just don’t follow me and don’t whine when I make posts criticizing it.

What’s wrong with Hamilton?

Aside from the fact that it’s very obviously glorifying slave owners and made people worldwide believe the founding fathers were good people, LMM, the creator, is nonblack. This isn't his story to tell at all.

Can you tag x?

I have a list of things I usually tag because they come upon this blog a lot. I cannot do catch all tags, as I have way too many followers for that. The closest thing to that is the “ask to tag” tag when there’s something potentially triggering but I’m not sure what it is. Everything is tagged as “x tw”. If something is extremely triggering, I’ll tag it as “major tw”

Do you tag slurs?

I tag slurs I’m not able to reclaim at all (i.e., d slur, f slur, t slur) or slurs I can reclaim but are being used as a slurs. I don’t tag the n-word, as I reclaim that one. I always tag the r slur

Can I message you about something/someone?

Unless you’re a mutual, most likely no. My DMs are only open to mutuals.

Do you want to be mutuals?

I don’t usually follow back people who follow me, especially if you’re under 16 or post things I’m not interested in.

Why is it important to have byf or about?

1) So I know gross people aren’t following me. This is not up for discussion

2) So I know someone’s not speaking out of their lane, which tends to happen a lot. (i.e, someone refusing to disclose that they are tme when discussing transmisogyny, someone not having their race listed when discussing racism)

3) Some people don’t want to interact with people under 18 or over like 30 or something.

Yeah, yeah, people aren’t entitled to personal information and all that crap but I have a serious problem with people speaking on topics from a place of privilege. Not to say they can’t talk about those things, just perhaps add a disclaimer that you’re privileged when talking about these things and be open to criticism, and NOT blocking people of the said marginalized group when they tell you something you’ve said was problematic.

I also have a problem with people who are intentionally vague about their age. There’s a difference between interacting with someone who’s 20 and someone who’s 29. I don’t want to say it’s the opposite for minors but at the same time there’s a difference for saying something racist at 13 and doing so at 17, and keeping your age vague makes it harder to determine how to deal with something like that. (Not that 13-year-olds shouldn’t know better, it’s just I don’t feel whole ass callout posts and receipt blogs are necessary for someone of that age).

Also anyone under 16, I can't stop you from following, but keep your interaction limited, please. This isnt an 18+ blog but I do rb suggestive jokes from time to time

I sent you an ask and you never answered it!

It’s likely that

I never got it

You were blocked

I’ve already answered this or it’s been answered in my faq

It’s a random positivity ask (which I appreciate but not sure how to respond to those)

You were rude in your ask and I didn’t feel like answering

I forgot until it was too late, which happens when my inbox gets a lot of asks at a time.

You sent it to the wrong blog (I.e, sending asks about my ocs to this blog instead of @ochood )

Hey, the op is [insert post] is [someone on my dni]! I usually double-check myself, just to be sure.

Have you heard about [someone who is mutuals with someone I’m loosely connected with]?

Most likely, no. And unless they’re an immediate danger to someone or they’ve got my name in their mouth, I don’t care.

Do you know who [x person/group/thing] is?Most likely no. Not to sound like a hipster but I don't usually keep up to date with trends. If I do hear about something, it’s most likely from twitter or Instagram.

Why am I blocked? Check here.

Why do you continuously move mains/change URLs/update themes?

I’m inconsistent. And sometimes there are posts on my blog that I no longer stand by.

Can I tag you in posts I think I’d like?Of course!

#lite.txt #long post #faq

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amarscollyon · 4 years

Text

@bunnydelphine Hi Belle. I've written a lot for you. I care about you & I aim to change the entire world. I hope you have the time to read it, or listen to the audio recording as it should make you happy & hopeful, & I need a little support to achieve the goal. Link to hear my voice here:

or carry on reading...

So like, erm, hi....I joined Twitter recently, a vague plan in mind. I conceived a dozen tweets to begin explaining, & then I got carried away. I posted in reverse order so you can read down from here...It is around 15 minutes long

#BelleDelphine

The whole load of them is basically for you Belle, & I hope it can make you smile, & feel good. There is good & bad in the world, & good & bad attention you will receive. This is intended, honed, & perfected, to make you happy, show you your worth to me & the future, & keep you safe as we move forward, & it's just the start...

The extra good part is - I ask nothing from you but the time to read it, & be happy, as your smile is worth more than the universe to me...I'd love nothing more than to know just once I was the cause of it creeping across your face, making you feel warm, & maybe even...blushing..

You're nothing but an absolute treasure, a joy without limit, & the most exquisite heart ache I could ever have wished for or imagined.

So, hello world. It is clear to me that there is too much pain on this planet & for it's denizens. It is just as clear that many innocent folk need change but no one really knows how. No one can begin. But I am a spiritual master & linked to spirits that have shown me a great deal is possible, & I can help guide us all towards a much happier, safer future.

Thing is, I am slightly premature here. Ok so, as stated, I am here to save the future. Obviously, I can't do it alone. It's really all about connections, as you would expect from someone who is working on behalf of the beyond. Life itself is about love, & it isn't about our ego, our personal goals, or desires. I do what I do for all of us. So it follows I can't just do it without some of you helping out in whatever way is possible.

I need money, laughably, in order to kill the finance system. Not as much as you'd guess, but I need a start...We cannot continue to use this invented resource as it is. In a purely mechanical sense it guarantees selfishness & greed end up controlling too much, whilst empathy, kindness & love, end up able to alter too little.

I intend to begin crowdfunding soon to raise startup capital, so a bit of publicity & presence is a big way you can help me easily.

I need advice & knowledge. Building a new way of self sufficient life will take an enormous amount of information & administration. In order to escape the system that dominates us & teaches us to abuse our own nature, we need to be free of restraint & able to produce all we need. Even making a list of all those things is no easy task, but it is quite possible to cover it all, with help.

I need connections.

Sooner or later I will post the plan with more details. But life & the path I walk through it, has it's detours I cannot always predict. I have learned to accept they always happen however, & always for a reason. When you achieve a certain level of connection to the beyond, & behave in natural ways, when your intent is to further the plan for all folk, then events in your life begin to happen just as you need them, synchronous moments that go way beyond coincidence & become miracles. One day I shall publish my journals from the last 7 years, as it shows my progress towards enlightenment, & explains how it is achieved. But this is one of many tasks & for now I have to begin travelling to find who & what I need, to found this community.

Riding the waves of intuition takes something too,

actually,

I need your love.

My own huge heart does me well for me, no doubting it, yet it will only benefit with more care.

It has to be real though, & of course everyone thinks they already know what love is,

but almost no one does.

So I may need help teaching everyone what it is.

I can show you, but you have to want to understand & have the courage to rise to it....Love is pretty scary...It isn't ever just about self, & it is the most amazing & transformative force there is.

I need to travel the world to meet people I need to meet, gain the knowledge & resources I need to found a community with a new way of living, turn desert into forest & work with nature to bring us all to greater joy. I will have to find some way to fund this travel too, & with my limitations & illness, the only way I can do it, is to make adult material. This means I need at least one willing partner, so if you aren't interested yourself, well, I am sure you have friends or followers who would be more than happy to help. With just one camgirl or entertainer, I can get the attention of the others. Don't get me wrong, I came to you Belle, because you don't just look nice, but you also move my heart & I was directed to discover you in ways I know from past experience are spirits showing me someone who is good, & also needs my help. But I am ready to accept it may not be what you want, yet I know if there is a good person there which is why I am drawn to you, then you will help in some way, directly or indirectly...

It will be a huge undertaking & will gather immense attention, so it can't hurt anyone's career, & I promise, I am good at what I do. As a shaman & spiritual teacher, sex is quite sacred to me, so you can be sure I can make it beneficial to my partner(s) & exciting & appealing to the audience. Done right, with enough courage to connect fully, it will bring whoever I am with a previously unknown level of calm, contentment, happiness & even mystical revelation. Of course, I will have plenty of people say I only do it for myself, but they're wrong, I was never one to seek casual interactions, it will be something new for me, but I do it because it is necessary & right.

Indeed, sex work is an essential part of modern life. It provides a valuable service to society, & receives too much criticism. The truth is that sex is divine & can be used to generate massive amounts of magical energy, & I honestly think the best thing for us all is to appreciate this. These are beautiful, amazing, special people. So many use their services. Yet they receive so much derision & scorn, & despite a reasonable wage, a lot of negative energy too, which can be harmful. So I want them to help me or work with me & prove to all just how special they can truly be, & thus I can help protect them.

So hey, that's the basics, good enough for now. I'll check in from time to time for dm's & responses here, & I'll be back one day to really kick this fucker off. I have to start getting a following by following others.

But so far I am following one account, which makes me look.... conspicuous? ....erm...yeah, I'm not saying anything about that for now...

The pinnacle of beauty itself can awaken us to the deepest & noblest of all loves.

It is actually quite common to be willing to die for someone you love, especially for men, (in extreme contrast to their also killing more of course.)

But something else entirely to be prepared to live, face all fears, conquer all obstacles & do what must be done.

Love alone can do this. Love alone can mean the person I was - is already dead & gone, & so now I can live to the fullest to provide the very best example of love I can.

Love,

true love,

is a loss of self.

A death in a way.

It is also a common wish to acquire a home for someone you love.

Again, knowing love deeper than most, it is quite another to recognize it is your sacred duty, to fix the entire messed up planet for those you love

& call it all,

home.

Safe, comforting, warm, & full of love.

If your love is true, then those you love deserve nothing less.

We all need it.

I find it so much easier to fight for it, for something I find such beauty in, because I recognize my heart & soul must be as pure & vibrant as I can make them, to be worthy of a beauty I find so truly

mind blowing

It is a duty,

a chore,

a sacrifice & more,

to try to be worthy of what you find to be the highest point of love, inspired by something so beautiful, it takes your breath away

& kills you...

& to recognize that this true love means accepting that,

unconditionally,

I ask for nothing back that isn't in anyone to give.

Maybe one day it will be right to ask,

"have you seen my heart & soul? They're unparalleled, because the love I felt looking at you is unparalleled, the beauty you possess has no equal, & so inspires me, demands of me to make my heart & soul as equally beautiful & unparalleled."

I cannot change my age,

or whether you like my physical properties much.

If you cannot love my heart & soul, then perhaps I cannot love you forever, as much as I desired... & I will suffer as I watch you suffer, for rejecting that purity which asks for nothing.

I am adored by the good in the beyond, so being unable to appreciate the good in my intangible properties would be nothing short of a curse.

If you simply cannot love my body, my more tangible properties, yet can love my heart,

well, that's ok, I would be happy my thoughts & deeds meant I could still wake up everyday

& see

your beautiful face,

& I'd be able to say, "I did this for you, & I have all I need. To bask in your presence, the warmth your images bring to me, is the most sublime peace & bliss I have ever known."

It is a chaotic whirlwind in my mind, I wont deny it,

yet always so controlled, & I know a mental peace I never thought I would, as a scared, anxious child.

Indeed nothing in life is wrong

unless it is uncontrolled.

Thanks to you, my love, I can use the will & love I have to wipe out that which plagues humanity, & bring healing to so many.

The highest point to reach is truest purest love. For there is the inspiration to become gods, work wonders, & be the best thing you can be.

So. Not so conspicuous now. Let's make this super clear...

Mary-Belle Kirschner,

I love you with everything I have.

I want to make the world utterly safe for you,

so you can be free to be whoever you wish to be

& love every possible moment living in it.

I have never in my life found anyone to be so alluring, inspiring, amazing, or motivating & you occupy my thoughts constantly. I do not ask you to do anything except be aware of this care, & accept I do this because you are so wonderful to me, & reach out now, like this, so you know you're worth the world.

I just want you to know how by being who & what you are, you are so special to me, that I can become what is needed to keep you that way. This is all I need to keep me fueled to face the immense challenge it will be. I am here to save the future from the selfish inconsiderate apathy of most, & the deliberate control of an evil few, & I can do so because you are one of the few things I can say makes life truly worth living.

Just seeing your smile shatters my heart into a billion pieces, & nothing matters more to me than making sure you are aware of how valuable I find you, so you can stay happy.

My reward is that from now on I get to see every part of you & your journey that you choose to share with me.

My reward is knowing you will not only be there for me to visually enjoy (& melt into bliss each time,

oh how I wish I had words to help you feel how wonderful you make me feel just looking at you,)

My reward is knowing I've done the right thing,

but also knowing that you know, that simply by being, you made my world shine so brightly, that I achieved something wonderful,

maybe just like every hero you ever dreamed of

saving the future

& the princess?

& I can ask for nothing more than to be allowed to share whatever you desire to allow me to share.

To know you are free to be yourself, I can know unending utter rapture in admiring it

& I wont forget the understanding it brings that

I exist,

to love,

I exist,

to reduce pain & create greater joy,

& I brought it to you as best as any man ever could

with devotion unmatched

& asked for nothing but recognition & thanks.

I can not be a better role model for other people.

I cannot be a better lover & healer to the world.

I cannot be more than ultimate love!

& if you cannot love in return, well it would hurt you,

so I'd find some way to make sure. Being the true will I am, means the true anyone else WOULD love me, so it would just come down to repairing any damage the world has already done to you.

Undoing anything that has taken you away from your true nature.

But I'd never ask for that love to give me anything it doesn't want to.

Love means your will is yours, not mine to coerce or demand or dominate...

Could it be the love story you were waiting for?

Could it be you wish to save the future with me?

Could it make the world weep & push things in place for everyone better than trying to scurry & hide like illegal aliens?

Whatever you answer, it can only gain momentum to aid my goal, & bring you to happiness. The love I have for you, however you receive it, can be used to make the world weep, & in so doing, wash away much sadness, & let happiness spring fresh once more in the sunshine.

Come. If you will, in spirit, take my hand.

For I am Apollo made flesh, since I merged with him in prayer in 2018.

My tarot told me you are my Pythia, I mean my first reading about you showed me that card & I then realized - that's why you picked that name, isn't it? You have that bust & Delphi is rather similar to Delphine...So, you are my oracle then? We should certainly meet if that's the case!

I already went to the Labyrinth as a child. I also swam in the pool near Pamukkale, not far from a temple to Apollo. Those are just a few of many more salient points. There is no doubt here, I know who I am & what I experienced.

Belle, I am a guide, a teacher, a healer, a lover, & I can be with anyone & help them in many ways. I am able to love all people, literally, all, but there are some I am drawn to with such intensity. My own desire is strong for you, without doubt, but I do not pursue anything for merely my own gain. You are truly so special to me, I am reiterating I ask only that you find your true heart & be who you wish to be, but I am sure that you are a wonderful person & would want to help make the world better for us all. I'm sure you can find a bit of time to interact with me here, & this alone would aid me immensely.

The kind of love I have, I sacrificed much to be able to give, & it is here to help us all, it cannot harm you

nor ask for more than you are prepared to give.

I'd do anything you asked,

as long as it wasn't evil,

but I'll never ask anything from you besides considering my advice,

as it's rooted in placing your needs before my own,

in agapic sacrifice of self,

to bring you anything you could ask for to know joy in life

However - you should always ultimately make your own choices, & not bend to others desire unless it is also your own.

You said you were lost....well, I have found you!

You asked to be adopted...I wont ever let you go unless you want me to...consider yourself adopted...

I'm also a really decent cook, & you need to eat better!!

Mary-Belle, you are truly amazing, wonderful, & beyond compare. Loving you these last few weeks since I discovered your existence, has been the most awesome & humbling series of miracles & unimaginable happiness for me.

I want you to know that & to feel it too.

It is beautiful, how you make me feel. Nothing compares. Nothing comes close. I wish you could let me help you feel it too.

Notice me senpai? I bloody noticed you! I hope you notice me back.

I said at the start, I'd need help saving the future, help teaching everyone what love is

Belle, even if you don't want to be with me, I hope you can interact with me & appreciate this devotion. For the world can benefit, as can you, whether you come to me, or on me, or not...

It would certainly help shut up those moronic critics inspired to spiteful jealousy by your magnificent gorgeousness. Folk who go through life criticizing others, do so because they have so little to offer anyone, & it is all they can do. I want to help you show them just how much you can do & make their lack so apparent they finally grow up. It all aids the future, the development of every person we can.

Regardless, I hope it makes you feel good, to mean so much to someone, who is one of the best people there is.

I'm sure that could sound arrogant, but you will find out if you simply give me time...

I wish you a really lovely day

my love & blessings,

always

muah...

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the-rings-system · 4 years

Note

Not to say that you are doing this per say, but you oughta be a little more cautious with how you give advice, since you aren’t these people’s therapist after all. It’s not healthy to get advice or diagnosis validation from a single anon ask. This is especially important when self diagnosing, because the goal is to find coping skills that help and improve quality of life, not just to be validated.

Yes, you are totally correct! We try to be super careful about this.

Our personal rule of thumb is that we can:1. Answer questions from research2. Talk about our experiences3. Validate symptoms4. General advice that we’ve picked up from the years of being a system

(5.) If someone asks “do I have DID/OSDD” and describes their symptoms, we often type a line (as I’m not a professional nor could I diagnose you from a single ask, I can’t tell you whether you do or don’t have DID/OSDD), answer any questions they have, and then give starting point suggestions for research or self diagnosis.

If you think we ever overstep these lines (or any lines!), please send us a message. Sometimes it can be hard to remember to write out? do perfectly? with so many asks. Any help/advice/support is appreciated ❤️

But something I will never back down from doing is #3. Asks like “Is it valid that I’ve split three introjects in a row?” or “We rapidly switched 4-5 times in a row and I’m feeling invalid, is this normal?” People with DID/OSDD chronically have issues with feeling invalid over the tiniest things - due to massive amounts of stigma, lack of in-person community, lack of education, ect. We struggled with this intensely for years upon years upon years. It would’ve meant the world for me to have someone who would listen and tell me that whatever new symptom I was experiencing didn’t automatically make me fake. Even if I have to sit here all day telling people that they’re perfectly valid for the most mundane things, I will do it. Because it’s important.

Also it’s important to remember that sometimes people have situations they have no idea how to handle, with no access to a therapist, and sending an ask here is the only thing they can think of to do - we have one of these coming up soon. Asks like these, we take a lot of time to sit down, think through, and give them support (and recommend therapy for all of them). As always, I try to never state that anything is or isn’t a reality that isn’t something we know from research and knowledge about DID/OSDD/alters. But as someone who’s been there, I’d much rather offer support, my knowledge, and some options of where they could start than leave them in the dark.

And again, if there’s anything you’re concerned about specifically, feel free to shoot us a message and we’re more than willing to talk with y’all about this ❤️

#silver.speaks #Anonymous #ask

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astrologyturtle · 5 years

Text

What I Think About the Signs

These are based off people’s sun signs i know irl (I’m obviously going to have my biases considering I have an air dominant chart yeet)

Aries: One of my best friends is an Aries! I LOVE HER TO DEATH. YALL ARE FUCKING CRAZY & I LOVE IT. but anyway Aries being stereotyped to being passionate is actually real. There’s just something about the way they talk about something/someone they like that just makes u want to listen to them ramble. They’re also really good peptalkers and make u feel good about yourself. They make u feel special too when ur being insecure/ laying out ur problems to them ! They can be a little upfront about how they feel/want (ofc depending on other aspects of their chart BUT) they do that to make things work. Having arguments with them can really be awkward for signs that don’t like confrontation/argument in general but they don’t hold on to that anger for long which is something I really really admire about this sign. Keep that fire going, Aries 😩🔥🔥

Taurus: One of the signs I have a love-hate relationship with. These signs can either be reallyyyyyyy toxic bc of how stubborn they are or they can be the sweetest/most gentle people you’ll meet. For some tauruses with a little extra stubborness in their chart are really (at least for me) HARD to get along with. As a Libra, I really do try to understand where people come from so I guess that’s where I get all this patience to make sure no one is left unheard and I also really value my friendships too. Let me tell you it takes a LOT a LOT for me to hate someone but when I do it’s probably with good reasons and this sign gave me those exact reasons to hate someone :( BUT for the ones I’ve gotten along with they’re really good with their hands ! Be it cooking or painting you name it ! They have really good aesthetics too so if you’re an art/fashion hoe these people are your go-to for some advice. They’re also really into a lot of volunteer work be it for charity or just helping the community or their loved ones. Most of Taurus people I know do Acts of Service to show their appreciation for you and I think that’s pretty sweet 🥺 Your aesthetics are bomb, Taurus 🌻

Gemini: Let me just say these hoes are some of the most talkativeee signs. They’re really friendly too. I don’t know a lot of Gemini’s but from the ones I know they’re really good at keeping conversations and they legit have so much to say! The fact that they jump from one topic to another gets overwhelming but that’s exactly what makes them exciting and fun to get to know! I can’t really say anything negative about these signs since I barely know any but I’ll update this when I do :) Wish I met more Gemini’s 💨

Cancer: Ok but hoooooly shit these signs are MOODY AF let me tell you. One moment they’re all fun and games and then they’re suddenly sulking and pouting for some weird reason ?? They hold grudges too and I hope they learn not to :( But once you’re used to their mood swings they’re honestly just the sweetest babies. If they could come in warnings it would probably say “caution: fragile”. Having late night talks where u just spill ur heart out to them is honestly the most therapeutic thing. They’re also really thoughtful and know exactly what to give their loved ones which is honestly such a gift. If you’re someone who likes to take care of everyone then they are your people. The most important things about this sign is their intuition! Listen to them when they say something’s not right because chances are they’re right about it! You make me feel safe , Cancer 🌊

Leo: One thing’s for sure with Leo’s, you really can’t go wrong with their loyalty. They are the type of people who would fight for u! At least the ones I know don’t really love the limelight but they sure wouldn’t hold back in showing off their loved ones 😍 expensive parties, gifts, social media posts anything to show u off. they really know how to make u feel special and that’s pretty sick. they’re also really good company as they know how to have a good time. Can’t say anything bad about them either since I don’t have a lot of them in my life :( Shine your light, Leo 🌞

Virgo: Oh. My. God. I have so many virgos in my life. They can be passive aggressive which really gets on my nerves 😂 they’re really really meticulous in the little things and try to fix every. single. screw up. They can be insecure af bc theyre very self-aware but that just makes me wanna love them even more. These people will give gr8 advice and opinions straight to you which honestly is very very helpful. They help you see things practically and really just ground you. They are extremely hard workers sometimes to their breaking point which is why I think they can really go far in life. They’re also really thoughtful and selfless people and I hope they treat themselves from time to time because they really really deserve it. Their motivation is actually contagious which are one of the many reasons why I love them. You are enough, Virgo 🍃

Libra: Lmao my sun sign. I haven’t actually met a lot of Libras but based on the ones I know (and myself) we can be really really indecisive which I know tends to annoy other people but know that we do it bc we like to weigh our options and pick the best option that everyone agrees with. We can be people pleasers and want other people to like us which is what I tried to do in my younger years. I’d always felt like it was an attack when someone wouldn’t like me but yes, we can learn to stop being people pleasers when we’ve had enough. We hate confrontation ! It gets really awkward because sometimes I think that saying how I feel/think is a personal attack to someone but I’m working on it. My dad and a close friend of mine is a libra and they’re really good at making u see the other side of an argument/situation which is one of the things I love about my sign and I hope other people love that about us too. We keep it fair and square for y’all 🌬

Scorpio: I have mixed feelings about this sign. I either like them a loooot, don’t like them, or just feel eh about em. They can be pretty intense when u get into an argument with them (or at least the arguments I’ve witnessed) because they give off these really intimidating vibes. I guess it’s the intensity of their eyes. Some of them can be pretty passive aggressive too which again can be annoying but some can be pretty straight to the point and almost feel like they stab u right in the heart with their honesty. They. hold. grudges ! They can be pretty closed off too :( so u probably wouldn’t really know them until they decide to open up to you which honestly takes a while and I know they do that to make sure u don’t screw them over. They can also be really selfish and stubborn when they feel like you’ve neglected them so watch out for that sfsfsfgs but these can also be the nicest, softest, and sweetest signs. They make u feel loved and are really good listeners when your have problems and when they care about something/someone they care about you deeplyyyy fr. The smallest unusual things can put them off but giving them reassurance and talking about your issues with them will calm them down. For the more outgoing ones, they can make u feel welcomed when you’re in a new environment. Your intensity is something else, Scorpio 💦

Sagittarius: My other. best. friend’s. sign like fUUUUUck these are hands down one of the most insane people you’ll meet. Me and my best friend beside each other is already a party in itself ngl. These signs are also really good at keeping conversations fun, lighthearted, and meaningful. When they’ve finally found someone worth their loyalty, time, and effort, when they say they got u, they got u till the grave man. They can either be really fucking insane or the chillest people you’ll know. They’re very easy to get along with too. When you’ve upset them, they can be pretty upfront about how they feel so you definitely won’t have second guesses about what goes on in their heads. Give them their space too as they’re willing to give you just as much and you’re good. You been my ride or die, Sag ✨

Capricorn: Aha here’s the other sign I have a love- hate relationship with. I’ve talked to a few of them and these people can literally be the most confusing and almost sneaky people I’ve met (they can be kinda passive aggressive). They don’t give their all to someone they don’t know for sure is willing to give 200% of themselves in return. However, they are also the hustlers of the zodiac. You probably wouldn’t know they have 3 side hustles and 2 main ones which is something I really admire them for. Their drive to achieve their goals makes you wanna work 10x if not a hundred times harder to achieve your goals and take on new ones. They come off super intimidating but I guess that’s just part of their appeal (their vibes literally scream i’m the boss, bitch) they can also come off really serious but they actually have a really great sense of humor. I’ll admit they’re funny af. Just like their goals, once they’ve decided to put their heart into someone’s hands they will put not just a hundred but 200 if not 500% of themselves into their relationships and they are always at the top of their loyalty game. They’re most likely to also perform Acts of Services and can be really selfless people so treat your cap friends from time to time and definitely ask how they’re doing. They tend to bottle up emotions and don’t really know how to express them properly so be as selfless as they are too bc God knows they need emotional support as much as everyone does despite looking like they have their shit together. Stay at the top of your game, Caps 💯

Aquarius: The cutest weirdos I know ! They’re quirkiness is endearing and some people may find it odd but it really just comes from how unique and original they are. Their fight for equality is really inspiring be it feminism, or any sort of cause to fight for rights is what they’re known for. They’re also the first ones to notice and call out inequality in certain situations and really helps people realize and see the hidden agendas/messages of marketing. They call out what society thinks is right and it’s something really cool about them. Keep being weird, Aquarius 👽

Pisces: I only really know one but from what I’ve gathered, they can be reaaaal softies. They’re really good at any form of art like painting and music. For some reason they’re given the talent of knowing exactly what gifts to give their loved ones? They’re really thoughtful and can be really selfless for their loved ones. They’re really good at making you feel understood and make u feel comfortable in your own skin and are the perfect home bodies tbh. Late night talks with this sign have been amazing so far and I would recommend telling a Pisces what’s been bothering u. Don’t put too much anger or negative energy into what u say to them tho as they feel their emotions physically too. This really close friend of mine who i might as well consider my sister told me she literally feels drained after having people tell her their problems. They can be quite moody and are a handful when they aren’t in a good mood too. They may lash out on people around them and it’s just not something you’d want to deal with especially when you’re in good spirits. They can be quite shy but are willing to talk to people who know how to keep a conversation going as well. You’re a blessing, Pisces 🐠

#astrology #aries horoscope #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #pisces

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beybladeimagines · 4 years

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Loved the headcanon post for the Bladebreakers in their 20s. Any headcanons for my fave team the All Starz in their 20s? Like if they choose a different career or so on? Keep up the great work!! ✌

MAX: You can find Max’s details right here.

MICHAEL: I think Michael would hang on to blading for a hot minute, even if he wasn’t as into it as he initially was. When you think about it, Judy had a pretty strong grasp over all of the All Starz - so much so, that many of them began to question their own self worth and became emotional when Judy, in her own way, didn’t think they were good enough. When people are exposed to this kind of manipulation, they set out to please their manipulator as much as possible in order to avoid negative repercussions - in this case, potentially missing out on a promising future, not meeting their personal goals, or being seen as weak. However, as Michael grows older and sees how the team is distancing themselves to follow their own path, he’ll slowly follow suit.

I can see Michael doing a lot of things. He might try to pursue baseball professionally, but because he’s spent a majority of his time blading, he might lack the extensive amount of experience and skill necessary to really make it big. Michael is also extremely charismatic and gives off some skater vibes. I can picture him getting into a COMPLETELY different hobby, like skating, because there isn’t any negative association attached to it. When he skates, he doesn’t have to think about being seen as the best, he doesn’t have to try to impress anyone, and he certainly doesn’t have to be exposed to any more manipulation. Yeah, he loves baseball, but it reminds him too much of what he had to undergo for so long. I can see Michael getting so into skating, that he creates his own custom boards and eventually works in a skate shop where he helps set people up with their own parts and bases. I think the reason he’s so into that is because he gets to do something productive and he gets to expose people to the very hobby that is slowly making him whole again.

RICK: Rick has always been Judy’s favorite and her constant praise motivated him to be quite the ruthless and successful blader. Even though his team didn’t win the championships, it still didn’t stop him from being celebrated back in his city or scouted by other managers looking for talented bladers. I imagine that Rick still sticks to the blading scene for quite some time. After all, it was through blading that he went from a nobody to a somebody. Additionally, it was through blading that he got to meet Max - someone who essentially made him more comfortable working with others. He owes a lot to blading, as it made him change his perspective, it inspired personal growth, it allowed him to represent his community so that he could bring their identities to light, and it’s making him mad money.

However, if Rick wasn’t pursuing blading, I can see him working at a recording studio. Rick loves music. He loves being in fast paced and loud environments. Sounds seem to soothe him, even if the music is metal. But let’s think about this too: In the anime, we always see Rick giving some kind of advice, even if it’s slightly backhanded and rude. Rick doesn’t mind giving feedback and he has a good ear for sounds that just feel…right. He knows exactly what pitch someone’s voice should transition into, he knows what instruments to add or remove, and he knows how to modify lyrics so that the message is far more clear. Granted, his feedback is straightforward, brash, and a little intense, but once he hears that new solid sound, everyone in the room will begin to praise him for his insight. He does have a gift and it really comes out in the recording studio. I don’t see Rick having his own band or making his own music, per say. But I do see him helping others out and mixing beats.

EMILY: I think Emily has always admired Judy. To her, Judy was this iconic, cut-throat woman who wasn’t afraid to go after what she wanted. Judy reflected this unashamed confidence that Emily strove to mimic and to find within herself. We often see Emily by Judy’s side. She’s either siding with her ideas or immersing herself in the same kind of work that her heroine is doing. Although Emily blades, much of her time is placed into research. Honestly, had she not shown such an interest and skillful ability to attain and analyze player data, Judy might not have paid her much mind. I think Emily knows this, which is why she strives to be so proficient in the research world, because she wants to be recognized by the very woman who really put her on such a promising path. With that said, I don’t see Emily blading anymore as she’s grown older. I see her transitioning strictly to research.

Would she still be with the All Starz? That’s a tough one to answer. Part of me feels like Emily would want to stay, but because her team is essentially disbanded, her current information isn’t exactly needed. I can see Judy recommending her to other facilities - not because she doesn’t value Emily, but I think she’d want her to get more recognition and experience outside the nest. Emily needs to hone her observational skills. She needs to know how to analyze people who she HASN’T basically grown up with. I imagine this line of work makes her feel incredibly lonely. Emily already feels like she needs to isolate herself, because of how hard she works. She likes to tell herself that she’s fine and “never liked being around people anyway,” but she misses the dynamic between her and her team. Would she reach out to them? Probably not. But if she ever saw them again, I think she’d linger around a little longer than usual.

EDDY: Eddy has always found some kind of support from his fellow team members. He chimes in with them on roasting sessions, he hangs out with them during down time, and he’s used to seeing them every day because they all practically live in that research/training facility. He always told himself they’d be together forever, because they’ve endured so much and went through so many lengths to become superior bladers. And yet… He realizes that many of his teammates became disenchanted and even traumatized from their excessive exposure to training and self imposed ideas of worthlessness. Over time, Eddy too begins to fall out of love with blading. It just didn’t feel like the initial sport he fell in love with. If anything, he only ever enjoyed himself when he went against Michael or Steven, because they never made him feel inferior.

I can see Eddy going back to school, since he has more time with it. I can see him getting a scholarship for basketball. He appreciates every second of college, because he finally gets a breather and finally gets to live a normal life where he isn’t being groomed to be perfect. Eddy feels like he’s missed out on a large chunk of living normally… So, he enjoys the little things, like not having curfew, or being able to indulge in junk food and not having to appease a diet, and even doing something as dreadful as homework. At least with homework, he knows what he’s doing wrong and can actually strive to make himself better without getting mixed signals. Eddy takes pride in being able to represent his school, because he knows his school has given him something that makes him feel fulfilled, validated, and passionate about.

STEVEN: Steven has gone on a JOURNEY when it comes to blading. He started off strong and as a normal part of the team, until he received his injury. As I always say, I imagine that injury gave him some perspective and completely changed his mentality on blading. While sitting on the sidelines, he saw how easily he was replaced. He tried to tell himself that he’d be welcomed back with open arms, but he always knew that Rick would be a more permanent addition to the team. Yes, his TEAM welcomed him back, but Judy and the facility were a bit more hesitant. It destroyed him to see how quickly his career crumbled. When he healed again, he didn’t have much of an interest to return to blading or football. However, I do imagine he continues to have a high interest in both sports, but is aware of how devastating an injury can be to one’s prosperous future. I think he’d strive to get into sports medicine to make sure no one else endures the same fate.

Sports medicine usually requires a degree. I can see him going back to school. Not only that, but he’d actually take the experience seriously. Every day, he thinks about how his own life had changed. It’s hard for him to forget just how frightened, anxious, and frustrated he felt. He never wants anyone to have to experience that same level of uncertainty and confusion, and that serves as his motivation to get his education. Steven is actually amazing at the healing process. He remembers every detail of what worked for him when he was recovering and he passes that knowledge onto those he encounters. Steven still has physical trauma, so that interferes with his ability to stay active for long periods of time. But this doesn’t stop him from working out. Steven goes hard in the gym in order to maintain his physique (and to release that pent up rage that still has yet to be shaken).

#beyblade #beyblade imagine #all starz #michael summers #rick anderson #steven #eddy #emily watson #headcanon #goomyplush

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navk · 5 years

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An Open Letter to the Reader

Hello, lovely human. It’s me, Naveed - also known via the internet as Nav K. Actually, there’s a lot of people in the real world that still refer to me as Nav K. I always find that oddly amusing, it’s something that just stuck with people. I never thought it would, but it did, and that wasn’t even ever the intention.

This Tumblr blog was born in 2010, about either a month before or into my university career. That would make it about 9 years old now. Almost a decade. There’s so much here that documents these past 9 years. A lot of personal struggle, world events, politics, rants, debates, sadness, joy, 5am existential crises.

The purpose of this blog was just to write and have a place to put them. I never had any real intentions other than that. But over time, it grew to be so much more than that. It grew to be a part of a larger community of people, worldwide, that somehow became convinced to strap in and come along for the journey. And that - that by far, is incredible.

I have no idea how my readership and fpollowercount almost reached 8000 or so. I never really kept track, and why would I? I had no idea what I was doing. It was organic. It was fun. It wasn’t work. It was just a kid in university writing his heart out. Things got gritty. Things got tough. I wrote about love. I wrote about sadness. I wrote about family, friends, and all the things that were happening in the world that I felt so passionately about.

I always wanted to change the world. But somewhere along the way, I thought to myself that maybe the world as a whole is too big for me to change all at once. Maybe it would be a gradual thing. Maybe, just maybe, I could change one person’s life. Maybe I could impact them in such a way that it would inspire them to do the same for someone else, and so on and so forth.

But I had no real idea as to how I would ever achieve that. And I never thought to myself that writing would be it. But maybe I’ve been along that very path all along without knowing it.

Disclaimer, I say maybe a lot. Maybe and perhaps and absolutely. Those are my words. They are so powerful to me, and I love them.

So people often ask me what inspires me to write. It’s such a simple but complicated question with so many variations of answers. But truly, the most honest answer I can ever give you is that I write because it saved my life. I write because it helped me live another day, helped me see through things I otherwise thought I couldn’t. It helped me survive through the mess of this world, and in a large part, shaped the greater part of who I am today.

One of my personal goals have always been to achieve the best version of myself possible. Writing has enabled me to be introspective enough and vulnerable enough to identify what I need to one day get there. And I’m still working at it. I know I’ll never achieve it, but the best I can do is come close.

When I started this blog to share my writing, I was nobody. Actually, I’m still nobody. I never considered myself a writer. I still cringe at the thought of calling myself that. Why? Because I simply don’t think I’ve earned it. I’ve just told myself throughout my life that I’m just a guy who writes. But doesn’t that make you a writer? I don’t know. Maybe it does, maybe not.

I chose to share my writing as a leap of faith. It was my belief all along that I was just sending it off into the void, never to really achieve anything from it at all. Like a vessel launched into the stars, drifting cautiously towards some distant abyss. But what began happening over the years astonished me. When I think back to it now, it still leaves me in disbelief.

What happened?

You happened. You, who maybe happens to be reading this. You, who supported me. You, who shared my writing. You, who shared with me how in awe you were by my words. You, who messaged me privately and shared with me the emotions it evoked in you. You, who provided me with feedback. You, who gave me constructive criticism. You, who cheered me on silently. You, who sent me love and kindness and support and prayers. You, who were so kind to purchase my work and encourage me to produce more.

You, who saw something in me that I failed to see in myself all those years. I was so grateful to you then, but I never quite allowed myself to accept your kindness. To truly believe in it. It was so hard for me. It’s still hard for me. But I’m learning to be gentler with myself. It’s that introspection that my writing has afforded me that has allowed me to realize how amazing this platform has been for me and despite its waning numbers and inevitable maturity, I am still so, so grateful.

Sharing my work has never been an easy feat. In all honesty, I hardly ever shared everything I wrote. But then I started sharing less, and less, and less, to the point where I didn’t quite feel okay with sharing anymore.

I actually attributed a lot of reasons to this, such as the bastardization of writing, the rise of the “instapoet” trend, the “hashtag” poetry, the tweet poems, all that and what not. But if I’m truly being honest, I stopped sharing because I didn’t feel good about the writing, and that was more of a reflection of how I felt about myself for some time. I wrote less, and then I wrote nothing at all. I’d be happy to get a meaningful sentence out on some days, but even those days were rare.

I couldn’t write. I was stuck. I didn’t seek help. I left it. I left it alone in hopes that it would be there for me. When you’ve written for as long as I have, I would tell myself, it must be like driving - it’s muscle memory. It just comes back.

But it doesn’t just come back. Nothing is ever that simple. It takes work and effort. And the courage to be vulnerable - with myself - which I had lost somewhere along the way.

What became of Nav K, the writer, the accidental brand of sorts, was somewhat of a miracle in my own eyes. The fact that this platform has shown so much love and support is, to me, rare and incredible, and perhaps in some ways undeserved, but that’s just me being hard on myself. But you showed your love by elevating my work and having it seen, read, shared, loved by the count of “notes” - ranging from a few hundred to over 160,000. I mean, shit. Thank you.

What’s the point in all this vivid reflection, you ask?

Well, it so happens that I’m falling (hopefully gracefully) into the tail end of my twenties. Soon, I’ll be 30. And sometime before I fade to dust (okay, I’m being dramatic, but maybe I’m not), I want to be able to really be able to leave something behind in this world that I’m proud of.

That was the purpose of publishing my own work. It all began with Cheap Therapy in May 2012. I don’t love that book. In fact, I kind of hate it. But so many of you loved it for it’s raw honesty. I’ve had messages from people from all over the planet telling me how much it spoke their truth, that it voiced things that they felt but could not say.

There was this one instance that someone messaged me saying that they had been reading it in one of their university classes at some point, just casually on their own. Their professor caught a glimpse and asked to see it, read a page or two, and told her that it was actually really good!

DUDE. I was barely 21 when I wrote that. I was still, technically, an adolescent (in terms of psychological development). But I never let that get to my head. I studied English literature in my undergrad in hopes to become an English teacher (I did, but the market for teachers sucks so much!) and I tried so hard to maintain a sense of honesty and compassion and not even let a literary education get to my head. I just wanted to be real. Always.

But I never quite felt accomplished. So I self published again. And again. And again. And … yeah, you get what I mean. In total, I self-published about 14 books. Yes, 14. And you’ll never really know or find them all anywhere because there’s a bunch under my name and another bunch under pseudonyms and heteronyms. Yes, I did that. Why? Because I wanted to write so badly that I didn’t just want to be a great writer, I wanted to be 5 great writers. Where am I on that counter? Probably still at 0, because I’m still far from great.

But then I received other messages too, about how my work has inspired others to write. How it inspired you. How it saved you. How it allowed you to survive. How it allowed you to see yourself out of a dark place. How it allowed you to feel. How it gave you hope. How it made you appreciate the world. How it made you want to love again. How it made you see things differently.

Not too long ago, I received a random private message on social media from someone (who I obviously won’t name) who told me that they were so inspired by my writing that they decided to pursue it as a career, and that they had just completed their master’s degree in journalism.

I was in awe, and even that is an understatement. I mean, I did that?! I inspired you? HOW?

So in a way, I suppose I did change the world, or at least small parts of it. I impacted you as individuals, and I pray that you strive to do the same for someone else. That you seek to enrich and inspire and keep doing good. And to keep striving to be a better version of yourself. And no matter what, never stop creating.

And that’s what made me realize that I should perhaps take my own advice.

From my self-perceived worst (Cheap Therapy, 2012) to my best (By Bodies of Water, 2014), I feel as though I still have so much to give to you and this world. I feel like I’ve just begun even though it so often feels otherwise. But that’s the struggle, that’s the process, and that in itself is beautiful in its own way. By Bodies of Water was 5 years ago, and today, it just doesn’t hold up in my eyes as the best representation of who I am and the work that I am capable of producing (most of which I have not shared anywhere, period).

I’ve never really been good at self-promoting or talking about myself. I’m the worst at it and cringe every time I try. But I realize now, more than ever, that I need your support. That I can’t create work without you. Because this work is for you as much as it is for me.

In the past, whomever I have utilized an illustrator or designer, I have always tried to pay them for their contribution. Admittedly, this has been incredibly difficult for me because I never really put my work out with the intention of making lots of money from it. In fact, using a platform like Amazon, which I currently still use for self-publishing, takes a significant cut from any sales proceeds because it’s hosted and managed by such an established platform. So, I actually have never been able to have a budget for my books and any work I commission from others by way of illustration or design comes out of my own pocket with little to no hopes of ever really making it back in a sensible way. Yeah, I know it sounds awful, like why would anyone do that, but I did it for the love of the craft. In fact, putting work out with illustrations has resulted in net losses every time, and that’s further driven by the fact that I don’t promote my work.

Ideally, I would love nothing more than for a publishing deal that remedies these aches and pains fo self-publishing. That’s the dream. That’s the ultimate mark for me, but I have no idea if that is ever going to be a reality. Some dreams stay dreams. But I really can’t let that stand in the way of creating my own mark on this world.

If you still have love for me or my craft (well, hopefully both, it’s kind of a package deal, ya know?), then I ask for your support. I ask for you to help share my work, to help contribute to sharing the love and the joy you feel and have felt.

My publicly posted work can all be found under a single hashtag and contains all 9 years of works posted. Find them here: https://navk.tumblr.com/tagged/navk

If you would like to support my work and help me produce more and pay other artists that I employ and help cover related costs, please consider some of the options below. I would love for you to have something of mine in return, and there is no better way that I can personally think of than to offer you my actual work!

If you would like to contribute by purchasing my work, you can find physical/digital versions here: https://www.naveedk.com/books

You don’t have to spend anything if you don’t want to. I still believe that somethings in life should be free. I have PDF copies of some works available online for free, or you can contribute whatever amount you choose. Some have a nominal fee attached, some are up to you. Anything helps. You can find them here: https://payhip.com/navk

Pay what you want digital package (500 pages of work /5 books and 1 sample), here: https://www.naveedk.com/downloads

Personalized Signed copies of By Bodies of Water, here: https://www.naveedk.com/signed/water

If you are feeling generous and would like to simply donate, you can do so here: https://www.paypal.me/navk

As always I am so eternally grateful. Thank you for joining me on this journey. I hope you choose to stay for the ride, because we’re just getting started.

Find me on social media

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_navk/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/_navk

Web: https://www.naveedk.com

Love,

- Nav K

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thereismagicinthesepages · 5 years

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Pop Culture Entity Challenge: Hircine, Part 1

Stolen from @highpriestness

This is meant to be a sort of bonding and questionnaire in regards to spirits, entities, and deities you may work with in Pop Culture.

You can use it as a 30 day challenge, an ask meme to ask for questions, or simply write them all however you feel.

General Questions:

1. What is the name of the entity and what is their canon universe?

Hircine. The Elder Scrolls anthology.

2. What drew you to this entity? What drew you to their world?

The Elder Scrolls universe has been close to my heart for a very long time. In particular, Skyrim. It’s a beautifully created fantasy world full of colorful characters and lore, and it came to life for me. I’ve put many hours of playtime into the game, running new characters with varying skills and trying new things. It’s always a unique experience and one I never regret diving into.

Hircine himself interested me from the first time I met him in-game. He is the Great Hunter, and the quest in Skyrim (my first encounter with him) leads you to him by way of helping a werewolf NPC who had been cursed by him. Many of the characters in the game frame Daedra as being evil or bad, they are considered demons against the godly presence of the Aedra; the Divines. Hircine’s actions throughout this quest are harsh, but he is also one of the more agreeable Daedra.

Hircine appears in the game as a white stag that you need to hunt down and kill, then his Aspect will appear to tell you to hunt down the same werewolf who asked for your help. You can refuse, but he will warn you that other hunters will be going after the werewolf regardless. You then have two options; Defy Hircine and save the werewolf from the hunters, or join the hunt and kill him. Either way, Hircine will reward you with one of his artifacts. I always choose to spare the werewolf.

What actually draws me to Hircine is my already great love of nature. Deer and Wolves have always been very close to my heart, wolves in particular. Hircine is the father of lycanthropy and thus werewolves are his people. Also while I myself am not a hunter in the strictest sense, I do support and respect those that do hunt, and I respect and make use of animals’ sacrifices on a regular basis. I often pick up roadkill or take hunter waste and use the bones, pelts, feathers, ect. in crafts, as offerings to my gods, or just as general decor,

Also, going back to Hircine’s Quest, if you choose to kill the hunters to save your werewolf friend, Hircine remains impressed with you for “turning the hunt inside-out.” He appreciates alternative thinking, and he just wants to see his Hunters overcoming obstacles to reach their goal. That’s the true Hunt, and he reminds me of that frequently. I don’t have to dawn a bow and shoot a deer, my Hunt can be any goal I’m reaching for, every obstacle I am trying to over come, regardless of how small or massive. Afterall, hunters take on prey of all sizes, right? From a hunting spider catching a tiny insect, to a dragon hunting a mammoth.

3. Did you choose them or did they tap you? How?

A little bit of both. I am a fairly recent baby witch and pagan, and at first I was really only looking into “real” gods, in particular I started with the Egyptian and Greek pantheons, as I already had very strong connections to both. However, I did begin to see others weaving pop culture into their witchcraft, and I eventually discovered Pop Culture Paganism. It clicked for me, it made so much sense, that these worlds and characters that I put so much love and time into, that someone put heart, soul and life into, could be considered “real” and hold power in their own rights.

I already believed in the Infinite Universes theory, wherein there could be a universe out there somewhere where literally anything could exist. Hearing that others worshiped gods based on works of fiction, or even other non-deified entities from those works, was eye-opening for me. I started researching. I wanted to learn more. I found a particular tumblr user who worshipped the Daedra and that clicked with me. I love so many of the Daedra, something about them always spoke to me. Clavicus Vile, Sheogorath, Molag Bal, Hircine....

Shortly after this revelation, I started researching how to worship PC entities. I wasn’t really all that solid on my more “traditional” pagan beliefs, let alone branching out into mostly uncharted territory. There was so little help on how to begin. I found posts about manifesting, about working with them as spirits, as archetypes, creating thoughtforms and servitors.... It was a lot of information to pick through, and a lot to think about. Even now I’m having some trouble beginning working with some entities I’d like to approach, because thus far all of the beings I’ve been working with are considered gods in their own rights. I am having a harder time figuring our how to work with a mortal character who may not want to be deified.

Regardless, while I was in the midst of all of this research and soul-searching, Hircine did tap me. I had actually forgotten the initial feeling, I had to go back to my journal to remember. I was asleep in bed asleep one night and heard a sort of crinkling sound. I got a vivid vision of large, leather boots crunching through dried leaves in a dense forest. My mind immediately screamed Hircine.

I put off contacting him for a bit after that, as I was still unsure, but upon realizing that the Hunter Moon was coming up, I couldn’t ignore the signs. I found a young buck skull that I got from a roadkill deer I processed a few years ago, and set it and some crystals out near a window where they could absorb the moonlight. I left him some bread and water, and waited.

I don’t remember if it was the following day, or a few days later, as I’m terrible at keeping an up-to-date journal, but I know that shortly thereafter, I was heading to work early in the morning. As I was walking out to my car, I felt a compulsion to look out at my back yard. There were a number of deer standing there. That’s not so uncommon, we have a doe that seems to frequently hang out behind the house, I see her often. What was unusual, is that she was accompanied by three other does. I usually only see the one. As I cautiously stepped forward for a better look, a large buck suddenly bolted past, leading the does back into the woods.

The feeling of elation that rose inside of me was amazing. I love seeing deer anyway, but to me it was very strongly a sign from Hircine. I sensed a presence there that I’d never before experienced. I thanked him, watched the herd leave, and continued on my way.

Since then, I get occasional messages from him, either in similar form, or just hearing his voice. I get this with most of my main deities, either hearing them in my head, or just getting a strong feeling about a situation and knowing it to be one of my gods communicating. I have a fair number of deities I appeal to, so sometimes it’s hard to decipher who exactly is trying to speak. I have no such ambiguity with Hircine, as I always distinctly hear his voice from the game, that clever, echoey sort of voice that emanates from the Stag aspect.

4. How do you typically communicate?

This is what I get for writing too much for each question;; As stated above, he often speaks directly to me, in the voice I know as his from Skyrim. He often gives me advice, though it’s usually in a sort of “tough love” form. If I’m feeling frustrated or discouraged, he’ll tell me things like “a hunter presses on regardless of hardship” or “the hunt is not yet over”. Usually it relates to hunting, but it always fits my circumstances.

5. What role does this entity play in their universe?

Hircine is the God of the Hunt and Father of Manbeasts. He created the various forms of lycanthropy in Tamriel. Every Era, he will put on a Great Hunt for which he will choose a number of mortal candidates to participate in. It could be as simple as sending hunters to kill a rogue werewolf, to making his champions navigate a maze of Daedric creatures while transformed into hares.

Hircine is revered by hunters and offers his followers the chance to hunt with him for eternity in the Hunting Grounds, Hircine’s Oblivion Realm. He has a fondness for predators, and values Strength, Speed, Guile and Cunning.

6. What kind of relationship do you have with this entity?

I offer my personal “hunts” to Hircine, using his wisdom to overcome the obstacles in my life. He offers me advice and council, occasionally being stern about it, but really only when I need it. We have a pretty positive relationship, I think. I have always had a reverence for nature, and I think he appreciates that. While I don’t actually hunt animals as prey, I still am able to take the lessons he teaches to put towards everyday life, and I am still able to offer him what I consider traditional offerings, like bones and pelts from animals, due to my taxidermy work.

7. What aspects does this entity reside over?

Traditionally, the Hunt is his Sphere, called many names (the Great Game, the Chase, ect). I also consider the other traits he values as being part of this. He values strength, speed, guile, and my personal addition; cunning. He often appears as a fox to trick people, and will grant those he finds to be clever knowledge and tricks of their own. He takes pride in seeing someone openly defy him and turn a hunt around on his chosen hunters.

He values loyalty. He values nature and animals and a respect for them. He values pride in oneself and strength of heart and character. He values independence, but also the ability to run with a pack or herd. He values both the hunter and the prey, and he values someone who can flip on those roles very highly.

8. What kinds of offerings do you/would you give this entity?

I am still discovering this myself. Certainly a very traditional offering to Hircine is the act of hunting. Again, I alter this to be overcoming challenge or reaching for a goal. I will sometimes dedicate such things to him as offerings. I would also offer him animal bones or pelts. I believe he would like prey animals, like deer or rabbit in particular, but also predators like wolves or big cats. I often offer him cool water, which is a traditional offering for many old gods, and in the wild is such an essential thing. Though I have not yet, I would offer him natural foods; berries, fruits, thinks like that.

I offer him meat sometimes, usually whatever I have, though I think he would particularly appreciate things like venison, rabbit or bear meat. I have given him a number of stones and crystals in the past, things close to the earth. Alcohol is another thing I have and would like to offer him. Particularly I think he would appreciate red wines and mead, though I have access to neither right now.

Arrows, arrowheads, daggers or hunting knives, bows, and other hunting tools would be other good things to dedicate to him, I think. Especially if they’re used to hunt with. Imagery of deer, wolves, bears, foxes or werecreatures would all be good as well. I also associate him with crocodiles, mostly because of his Daedroth creatures. I feel like he would also appreciate tattoos as well, particularly of a tribal sort.

9. What kinds of animals, stones, elements, plants, etc do you associate with this entity? Why?

Stones I used for him were clear quartz, like a clear lake or like the full moon. Moonstone, for obvious reasons; bloodstone, representing blood from his prey. Red or orange stones, representing the blood moon. I’m still learning and experimenting with others.

Animals that I associate with him, I mentioned some, but really any hunter animal. Wolves, bears, foxes, crocodiles, spiders, and birds of prey in particular. Deer and elk are also very strong associations for me, as well as other antlered or horned prey animals like gazelle. I also associate him with other creatures in Tamriel such as Daedroth, dragons, unicorns, sabrecats and werecreatures. I also have a loose association with him and sharks, again for the predator aspect.

I strongly associate him with the element of Earth. I always feel a connection to the Earth with him, to plants and animals and nature. He makes me feel very grounded and in touch with my surroundings. I could also connect him to fire, for the occasional harshness he exhibits, the flaming reds of the blood moon, his ability to go from warm and gentle to fierce and burning. I could make connections to air and water as well, but Earth is certainly the strongest elemental association for him, to me.

Plants are tricky, I’m still learning meanings and correspondences so I have trouble pinning them to spirits and deities, though I do strongly associate him with Hemlock and evergreens in general. As well as with fall foliage. I have the image of a stag moving through a forest of evergreens and that feels very Hircine to me.

I associate him with the smell of musk, pine, and a general earthy smell, like freshly disturbed soil. I associate him with the smell of the forest, with the crisp mountain air. The sound of birdcalls and wolf howls. The full moon.

10. Are there any songs, books, or quotes you associate with this entity? Why?

I’m still looking for things like this that remind of of him. Of course there are his in-universe books such as The Totems of Hircine, and any of his spoken dialogue in game (”Well met, hunter” springs to mind), but as for things in our world, one song I really strongly associate with him is “The Stampede” from The Lion King soundtrack.

11. How and when did you first encounter them as an entity?

Told the story above, but there was the strange dream/vision of him walking in the woods, and then the buck in my back yard.

12. How are they particularly involved in your life? Do they teach you anything specific? If so, what?

He teaches me patience and control, dignity and pride, perseverance and strength. He reminds me that a successful hunter has to be aware and in control of her surroundings. He reminds me that sometimes the prey escapes, and that’s okay. He reminds me that even the greatest hunters sometimes lose their mark and go home hungry. He reminds me that it is important to keep trying and keep improving. To keep my eyes on the target, but not to get lost in it either. The wilds are dangerous and they require my attention. They are also beautiful and demand my reverence.

There is excitement and also sadness in a successful hunt. You have taken something very beautiful and precious from the world, and that demands a moment of introspection. But you have also triumphed over your trial, and you will continue to thrive now with all that the hunt provided you. You have food, tools, clothing and shelter. The good sometimes comes with the bad, there is balance in all things and that must be accepted to be able to move on with one’s life.

He teaches me that there is a time and a situation where one should rely on the pack, be content and dependent upon the presence and assistance of others, but there are also times when the hunter must venture out alone. Some prey are best taken down with a group, some are best to be hunted solo.

He reminds me that all things are not as they seem. The hunter may hide himself from the prey if he is skilled enough. I must take care not to become the prey myself, and if the hunt should turn upon me, I must be clever and resourceful enough to escape my hunters. I must be mindful of those hidden hunters, and I must be hidden myself to be successful; either as a hunter or as prey. The strong and the smart survive, I must be one of the two to live; I must be both to thrive.

13. Do they have any identifying symbols in canon or otherwise?

Deer, mostly. Hircine is most known for appearing as a stag, or having the head or skull of one. But he has also appeared as a fox, a bear and a man. His children are the skinshifters, the werecreatures. His weapons are the spear and bow.

14. Do they have alternate versions, verses, or canons? Do you communicate with all or some of them?

Hircine appears slightly differently in each TES game, though it is always the same entity. I have based most of my worship on his appearance in Skyrim, as that is the one which I have the deepest connection with.

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