#after Armin talks down the Marleyan commander

[aflockofravens]

Holy fuck I just finished Attack on Titan and Jesus Christ did Mikasa get the short end of the stick

[iwriteloveletters]

Yandere Eren Yeager Head canons

Season 1-3

At first it was a simple childish crush on you, being that you two were about 7-8 years old when you first met. You two were partnered for a school assignment and ever since then you were now apart of the trio that consisted of his two other friends Mikasa and Armin.

Eren was of course in denial of these feelings given that he was young and was in his girls are gross era but his mom would always tease him about it and constantly ask about you, always having you over and even having sleep overs.

Like Mikasa you grew to be somewhat protective over him, he was always getting hurt and you (who wanted to be a doctor) always had bandages and whatever else Grisha gave you for small cuts on hand. That only made his feelings grow stronger. It was innocent in the beginning.

After the walls were breached and witnessing his mothers death was when he truly became infatuated with you, he never let you out of his sight. He was alone now which meant he had a lot more responsibilities, you and enlisting in the military were those responsibilities. He would give you portions of his food even though Mikasa and you advised against it, held your hand at all times, and never EVER took his eyes off of you. You knew it too, but you brushed it off because you had bigger things to worry about; you lost your family yourself. You were 10 years old and alone in the world, all hopes for becoming a doctor who studied under Grisha Yeager down the drain. You weren’t worried about Eren at the moment.

When you realized your friends were planning to join the military it sparked inspiration in you (you were impressionable at that age) and God Eren did not like that. But you were a stubborn person therefore what’s done was done, you were joining them and later on the Survey Corps.

The entire time while training he made sure to keep you under his radar, he would go as far as to make sure you weren't around anyone other than the people he trusted because "people can be just as dangerous as titans." You let him have this one moment because you understood he might've had complex issues stemming from his mothers death and fathers disappearance. Similar to Mikasa and her attachment to Eren you thought to yourself. It was not even close to it.

You weren't as gifted compared to the others but you still managed to graduate, you made it and you made it into the Survey Corps, he had practically commanded you to join the Military Police. But you knew what you wanted and you weren't gonna let him stop you.

Over the next few years his infatuation with you only grew stronger and stronger. Things quickly took a turn for a worse.

Season 4

His need to isolate you overpowers his need to anything. The outside world wasn't what was hoped and his ability to see the future didn't put him at ease.

Before he ran away for Marely he pulled Mikasa to the side to tell her to keep you away from everyone, especially their Marleyan allies. He trusted none of them even if they put their trust within him. The same way he didn't trust people on his own island

During his time with you on Paradis it almost felt suffocating so it felt nice to be free from him, Mikasa never respected his wishes to keep you away from the world so you truly got that break. You lived for the first time in years, thinking of your dear friend Eren here and there; almost missing him and the way he always held your hand and praised you for the little things you did.

When you all come back for him in Marely your newfound peace is stripped from you completely. His focus only being on you, protecting his own life, and inheriting the war hammer titan.

He would eventually send Yeagarist after you in an attempt to lock you up similar to how he locked up his friends. But instead of being around the ones you both cared for, it was just you in a lonely and cold cell.

"You're useless." He would talk down on you, "You're useless and you know that, you barely make it out of missions alive. You need me." He would convince you. And you listened to him.

[arminsumi]

Hey! I was wondering if you could do armin x Violet Evergarden!reader (where reader is some kind of weapon used by Survey Corps or Marleyan Army)

Drink lot of water and take care :)

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱ protector

Armin x fem!reader ♪

Overview; Levi entrusts you with the task of protecting Armin during a mission.

Wordcount; about 1k

Contents; fluff (sparing), angst, war/battles

Warnings; mentions the reader enduring battle and hardships, reader having a breakdown when she reunites with Armin

Note; oooh it's been a while since i watched Violet Evergarden 👀i hope you like how this turned out hehe!! 💕 ALSO I FOUND OUT THAT VIOLET AND MIKASA SHARE THE SAME VOICE ACTOR OMG

Roughened up by a battle, you trudge upstairs to your bedroom in the Scout's headquarters. On the way you encounter a kind smile from Armin. You look at him blankly and greet him quietly in reply.

"Good morning, Armin." you say monotonously.

"Y/n, you're hurt." he comments caringly, looking over your wounds.

"It's no matter; we were victorious and drove the soldiers away. The headquarters is safe, and I fulfilled my duty." you say.

Armin upturns his brows at you. Not a soul lurks in the corridor, so he takes your hand in his. "Let's get you patched up. Then you need to rest."

"But I'm fine." you assure. But Armin insists. "You look tired. Let me care for you. C'mon, I promise I'm excellent with bandaging." he says earnestly.

He's always treated you gently, and more importantly, he's always treated you like a human. Your distantness and expressionlessness deterred many Scouts, and some treated you as just a weapon. Sometimes even you saw yourself as just a weapon; showering was just polishing the weapon, eating was just reloading the weapon.

But when Armin carefully wraps bandages around your arm, you begin to feel things. Pleasant things. But you can't quite put your finger on what these feelings are.

"My heart is panging." you comment. Armin looks at you concernedly and asks: "Are you alright?" to which you bluntly reply, "I don't know, it started panging when I saw you, and when you're this close it pangs harder. I don't know what it means."

Armin goes pink in the face, and his heart pangs. "Oh, I see..."

Days passed, and old battles became meaningless as newer, more arduous ones emerged. Erwin sent for you one day.

"We're heading into the heart of Marley tomorrow, and I want you to oversee the safety of Armin. He is your priority."

You have your hands neatly tucked behind your back and your shoulders taught like a real soldier.

But what is this pang that you feel in your chest when you hear Erwin's command? Your whole being seems to light up at the mention of Armin's name.

He looks at you with his remarkably intense gaze. "Can I entrust this task to you?" he asks seriously.

"Yes, sir." you reply confidently.

Erwin looks at you contemplatively for a moment before nodding and dismissing you.

When you leave his office and lead down the corridors, you hear passing comments about yourself. Some people call you emotionless, some cruelly question "what's wrong with her?"

But not Armin; he always talks to you like a friend, and comes to your defense when someone says anything hurtful. Even though in reality you deflect their harmful words as if your conscious is made of armor.

As soon as you find Armin, and discuss the recently issued command from Erwin, you treat him with such formality that he stiffens up and blushes. You notice he's stuttering and playing nervously with the hem of his uniform's coat.

"I'm at your service, sir." you tell him.

"Don't say that. We're in this together. I'll protect you, and you'll protect me, okay?" he gives you a little smile.

"...okay."

"Is she there?" a Marleyan soldier asks nervously, looking around in the night.

"I don't know. I can't see."

"There!"

But not a moment after they catch a glimpse of you, they're thudding lifelessly to the floor. To you, it's all swift and agile motions; effortless.

You return to the point where Levi and his squad reside.

"Is that all of them?" he asks.

"Yes, sir." you answer. Armin looks at you as if he's just witnessed Mikasa or Levi in action for the first time again.

"Good work, Y/n." Levi commends you.

Armin comes close to you when Levi goes to communicate the situation with Erwin. "Are you hurt? I have bandages and medicine, if you need..." Armin asks you.

"No. I don't need medical attention. But I am grateful for your concern."

Armin feels soothed knowing you're unscathed, but at the same time, he childishly wishes he could repay your efforts by patching you up. He's really good with bandages, as he said so himself.

Levi returns with a serious face. "We're heading into the heart of the city now. Everyone be attentive and sharp out there. Eren and Mikasa, you're with the Commander, and Y/n and Armin, you're with me."

He bears a heavy gaze at you for a moment, before speaking to his squad. "Don't get separated."

You alone emerge from rubble, pain searing across your body. Through the chaos of explosions and collapsing buildings, it's a miracle that you have survived.

Everything seems fuzzy and distant, but slowly reality comes back into focus; and you realize you aren't at Armin's side.

Wherever Armin is, you're not there to protect him like you had promised Erwin you would. But that's not the only reason you panic. The idea that he's hurt or dead frightens you, it's an all-consuming fear in your chest right now.

You trek over the deserted battlefield, amongst destroyed buildings and fallen soldiers. Searching for someone through tea-blurred vision is hard. Calling out their name is impossible with a strangled voice.

But you finally find him, blond hair dirtied and ruffled, his stature weakened by tiredness and his wounds.

When he sees you, he suddenly reanimates, and comes running to you, but not faster than you, who cries out his name in a scream. "Armin! Armin!"

"Are you hurt?" Armin asks worriedly, but your reply is to collapse into his chest and sob.

You burst out crying for the first time in a very, very long time. And he had never heard you cry before, the sound hurt him more than anything, so he immediately held you.

"I couldn't protect you, I'm sorry!" you keep saying, and his brows furrow more each time you say that.

"It's alright, the chaos separated us."

That only makes you cry harder, so armin looks around in panic for better words. You grip onto his scuffed uniform, crawling up to his chest for comfort, and he let you, embracing your trembling body.

"I'm sorry I failed to protect you." you sob, lips pressing against the the lining of his uniform's coat. "I'm sorry!"

Armin looks at you and tears up a bit when you say that.

"It wasn't your fault, and you didn't fail to protect me, alright? I'm glad you're here with me... I was worried about you." he mumbles against your forehead, lips grazing a small wound.

You continue to weep in his arms while he soothes you. The battle was somehow won come the next dawn, and if it hadn't been for Armin to piece you back together, then victory would have been impossible.

Armin smiles to himself as he encounters you down the same corridor where you two first met. His eyes recognize the new pendant fastened to your collar; a mark of your valiant effort in the war.

"How are you?" he asks in a soft voice.

"I'm tired..." you answer, smiling sheepishly. "I just want to lay down in the grass and watch the clouds pass."

"Why don't we?" he suggests.

You raise your brows at him. "Huh? You mean, right now?"

"Sure. Why not. I'd love to laze in grass with you. Just, uh, maybe don't tell the Commander that I was being lazy when I had errands to run..."

"Of course, sir." you beam. Armin's heart melts when he sees your true smile.

"Please, call me Armin."

[melishade]

In the War Continuation Timeline, how's everyone doing? The Autobots have a couple of advantages, the Deception are conquering more land, Megatron is high as a satellite, Breakdown's "dead " Arachnia wishes she was dead, and Dreadwing is questioning his life choices.

Part 13: Dreadwing's role

So there's definitely a lot going on that I had to review, but lets get into it.

So, first thing's first, Megatron is obviously pissed off at the fact that a bunch of humans took down the Nemesis. Not to mention Breakdown is considered deceased. A few vehicons ended up getting killed in the process. RIP to them. But Megatron's pride and ego are definitely bruised. And he decides to resort to drastic counter measures. AKA, he's going to infect the power of the titans with dark energon and start using that link to force Zeke Jaeger and Bertholdt Hoover to do his bidding. Despite protest from Knockout, Megatron doesn't listen. Annie is still in her crystal prison and the Decepticons still can't get her out without killing her. Zeke Jaeger gets dark energon injected in his body and Megatron tries to command him to do his bidding, but there's resistance. Despite Zeke Jaeger being of royal blood, there's still resistance and not complete control. It's frustrating him! Why! Soundwave reveals some additional scouting that Lazerbeak did on the island, including spotting Arcee and Hanji talking about their torture of Airachnid. (Part of Airachnid's torture was happening around the same time the people from Marley came to the island). And they hear Eren's name being dropped along with the information Airachnid gathered about him being the holder of the Founding Titan.

That intel, makes Eren Jaeger a high priority target for the Decepticons and they intend to attack the island. However, Megatron doesn't want to just groundbridge his forces there, knowing that the Autobots and Optimus were there. Meaning he needed to get his ship up and running. (He's going to inject it with dark energon, but that plot line will be addressed for another ask because I still need to think about it!)

Meanwhile on the island, the Autobots and the Survey Corps are concerned about the Survey Corp members that jumped onto the Nemesis to get Bertholdt and Annie back. (Mikasa, Jean, Historia, Ymir, and Mike (who is now deceased. Killed by Soundwave when the Nemesis crash landed)). So the island has to divide resources. Because they don't have a groundbridge, there's recommendation that some of the Survey Corps and Autobots that can fit on the ship the Marleyans came in, use that same ship to go back to the mainland. Eren practically begs to go because he doesn't want to see Mikasa or any of his other comrades get hurt. Marco just got his friend Jean back; he doesn't want him to die. And then there's also the risk of Megatron using the power of the titans to his benefit.

So they are able to test the ship's support and see that it is able to support both Arcee and Bumblebee, so they are tasked with protecting the team while the other Autobots remain on the island. Erwin, assuming that an attack from the Decepticons on the island will be imminent suggests that Eren does go on this exposition. If Megatron's target is ultimately him, Eren will be a lot harder to find if he's off the island and on the mainland. Along with Eren goes Marco, Sasha, Armin, Petra, Oluo, Levi, Porco, Pieck, and Yelena since they know the layout of Marley. Everyone else stays behind to bolster defenses on the island. And Hanji gives everyone experimental weapons to try out with Ratchet's careful instructions.

Meanwhile, after Mikasa and Jean crashed after the ship fell, they are found by Kenshin's team and taken back to the underground facilities where Kenshin and Lara are. Mikasa and Jean are naturally on edge when they wake up, and the soldiers are surprised to see the weapons on Mikasa and Jean, but Kenshin introduces himself and explains who he is, who Lara is, and their situation. He asks Mikasa and Jean their stories, and they explain how they were on Megatron's ship with others before taking it down. Everyone is stunned at that. How did humans managed to take down the floating ship? How did they even get on the ship in the first place? Jean explains they got on the ship through the groundbridge from the Walls, but they still didn't know how bad the treatment of the Eldians are on the outside. So once the soldiers hear that, they immediately turn their weapons on Mikasa and Jean, calling them devils. Kenshin quickly has to try and calm them down, considering the fact that they just created the biggest advantage they could ever hope for! The soldiers are still suspicious, but Kenshin notices Mikasa's bandage is gone, revealing the Azumabito crest. Kenshin remembers his history about the original heir to the throne being lost during the fall of the Eldian Empire, and he quickly realizes who Mikasa is. He grabs her wrist and shows the mark to everyone else, demanding they stand down and listen to their empress. Kenshin uses his knowledge to force the soldiers to back off, but Mikasa and Jean are floored. Mikasa's royalty?

Kenshin asks the two of them for more details about the Decepticon ship as he gives a tour of their underground base while also introducing them to the creator behind it, Lara Tybur. They explain they were trying to stop the Decepticons from taking titan shifters in their custody, but weren't able to retrieve Annie or Bertholdt from the Decepticons. They had lost their squad leader and the Jaws Titan was currently missing in action, jumping off the ship and into the water.

Mikasa explains that they need to get back to the island and to their comrades. The Autobots would know how to stop Megatron-!

"Autobots?!" Lara and Kenshin yelled.

"Yes?!" Jean exclaimed in surprise at their outburst.

"Is there an Optimus Prime there?!" Kenshin begged.

"How do you know that name?!" Mikasa demanded.

Lara and Kenshin nod to each other and show them where they are keeping Starscream, which gets them on the offensive. Kenshin explains he's being cooperative for now, but the Emperor and the War Hammer Titan have never been so full of hope before. Meanwhile, Starscream is annoyed as hell at the optimism in the room.

Ymir and Historia would probably run into Colt and Breakdown. Meanwhile Wheeljack, Ultra Magnus, and Smokescreen are still on Earth trying to hash stuff out.

(There's a lot to cover and address in the War Timeline considering the many plot points but I hope this was adequate.)

[pinkfluffybunnyy]

sidelines chapter 6: white babys breath

previous chapter: white heather

“We’re leaving for Marley tomorrow, Annie. I’m a little nervous. I know none of the Marleyan’s know who we are, but it still scares me that they might somehow catch on to the fact that we’re Eldians from Paradis…”

“...And my feelings for (Y/N) are growing stronger, they’re consuming me. I’m not sure what to do. I’m scared to lose her…”

A whistle pulled him from his one-sided conversation with the girl encased in crystal in front of him.

“Geez, Armin, you’ve got it bad.” Hitch drawled, pulling the rolled up newspaper down from where it had been perched in front of her eye.

“H-Hitch!” he explained, turning towards her, his cheeks red-hot at being caught spilling his guts to a girl in a rock. 

Hitch chuckled at his display, striding towards him. “It’s cute, to be honest. I’m happy for you.”

He stood up straight, facing her as she walked over. Then he remembered the conversation he overheard and he felt the sting of anger pierce his flesh.

“I heard you’ve been gossiping about me, Hitch.” he accused, glaring at her.

She stopped in her tracks, scratching the back of her neck. “I wasn’t gossiping, it’s just… it came up in conversation.” she chuckled gingerly

“How?!” he exclaimed, his arm flying up animatedly.

“I don’t know! I’m sorry! I can’t remember. But I promise I’ve only told Onyankopon.” 

He scoffed and turned back towards the girl in the crystal, the girl who knew all his secrets. All his fears and hopes for the future. “Whatever. Just, please, don’t tell anyone else.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

(Y/N) poured herself another glass of wine before settling down back in her seat at the table. The Scouts and Volunteers had just finished a very long and very mundane meeting about their upcoming trip to Marley, and she needed something to help her unwind. Her friends sat amongst her, lost in conversation. 

She frowned, looking around her and seeing that Armin had not yet come back from excusing himself to get some air. Concern wracked through her and she downed her glass of wine before excusing herself and exiting the meeting room to go find him.

Upon stepping outside she immediately saw him, sat on the steps of the staircase that led up to the headquarters building. She strided over to him, having to concentrate a little harder on her steps, the glass of wine she’d just rapidly consumed starting to take effect, warming her insides. 

“Are you okay?” she asked, causing him to turn towards her. He offered her a small smile as she perched herself next to him before turning back up and looking at the night sky above them. 

“Yeah, I just… needed some air.”

She scoffed slightly at his weak lie. “Armin, please, I know you too well by now. What’s going on? What’s on your mind?”

He didn’t respond right away, causing her to carry on talking. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m just concerned.”

“I just…” he started, fidgeting slightly. “I’m scared, (Y/N). I’m scared for the future. I know I should be feeling positive, with all of you volunteers coming here to help us, the proposition of a treaty with Hizuru, but I just…”

He paused for a moment before continuing. She frowned. “I don’t understand why it was me. Why was I chosen over Commander Erwin? Floch was right, it should never have been me. I… I hate myself so much, and the pressure of inheriting the Collosal Titan is getting to me. I feel so useless all the time. I’ll never match up to Commander Erwin, I’ll never amount to anything…”

(Y/N)’s heart shattered upon hearing his words of self-loathing. Oh, how he was completely clueless as to how valuable he really was. How much he meant to the Scouts, to his friends, to her.

She paused before speaking, collecting her thoughts. 

“Armin, has anyone ever told you about the big bang theory?” she asked, turning to him.

He swung his head towards her, confused at her sudden change of subject, feeling the burn of rejection after spilling his guts to her. “No. What’s that?”

(Y/N) looked up towards the sky, admiring the stars shining like diamonds on midnight satin.

“It’s the most plausible theory as to how the universe was created. Basically, millions of years ago, a star exploded in millions and millions of teeny, tiny particles and started expanding outwards. These particles then came together and formed all cosmic entities; stars, planets, comets, meteors…”

He looked at her, incredulous. He couldn’t even comprehend such an event; the thought dazzled him in the best possible way.

“Everything. Everything is made up of stardust that’s millions of years old. Including humans.” she explained, looking back at him with the biggest, brightest smile on her face.

“Humans?!” he exclaimed.

“Yes. And that includes you.” She took a hold of his hand, turning it so his palm was facing the stars above them. She traced her finger over the lines imprinted on his palm. “Your skin, your hair, all your organs, every single atom of you is stardust that’s been stitched together to create your whole being…”

He stared at her, mouth slightly agape, his eyes sparkling like the stardust she told him he was made of. She was looking down at his palm, tracing his skin with her fingertips still.

“And, god, Armin, do you shine.” she sighed quietly.

His face flushed bright and hot, pink petals painting his milky cheeks. 

“W-What…?” he stuttered, his breath hitching in his throat. 

She giggled softly and looked up at him with those violet doe eyes of hers, warmth and adoration swimming in her irises. “Armin, you may not see it, but you shine so brightly. You illuminate every room you walk in, you grace people with a warm light that’s instantly comforting. You’re the brightest star of all. And it pains me that you don’t know it, yet everyone else around you can see it so clearly.” 

She offered him a small smile, fully wrapping her hand around his. 

He felt as if his heart had stopped beating, as if time stood still. Surely, he was dreaming? There was no way she was talking about him. He was seconds away from a heart attack. 

“I…” he started. Then an idea popped into his head. 

“I’ll be right back!” He shot up and jogged back inside the building, leaving (Y/N) unbelievably confused as to his actions. She blinked rapidly, trying to process what on earth he was doing. 

He strided rapidly around the building, looking amongst the bouquets that decorated different surfaces around the headquarters. He knew he had seen the flowers he needed somewhere. Dashing into one of the many meeting rooms, he found what he was searching for. He smiled to himself and plucked a single stem before running back outside.

“(Y/N)…” he started, catching his breath as he stood before her. She turned to him, brows furrowed and a sceptical smile on her face. “Yes…?” He kept his hands hidden behind his back as he walked towards her and perched himself back down into his previous position.

Huffing a sigh, he turned and smiled at her. “Close your eyes and hold out your hands.”

She giggled and obliged his request, her eyes fluttering shut and hands hovering in front of her. Armin placed the single bloom across her palm.

“Okay, you can open now.”

She opened her eyes to see a flower draped over her palms. She let out a gasp upon realising that it was

babys breath.

Undying and everlasting love.

So he had read the book she bought him.

And there it was, his heart laid out in front of her on a silver platter, hers to hold close and treasure or to take a hammer to and shatter into a thousand tiny shards. 

She sat still for a moment, staring at the flower before her, eyes wide, mouth agape, faltering, her brain short circuiting. Her heart pounded in her chest as she looked back up at him, a smile spreading itself across her glossed lips, her eyes glittering like the stars above them.

“I love you too, Armin. Always.”

[0aurelion-sol0]

SNK keeps on being amazing. ( A rant that is not really one. )

133.

Just this panel alone is able to confirm everything that I wanted from this manga.

Eren's condition has always been what I suspected.

Ever since he sided with his brother Zeke, who manipulated Marley in attacking Eldia to retrieve the founder and other titans. Something THEY DIDN'T WANT TO DO, because they were being pressured by many other countries and were not as powerful as before due to their lack of powerful weapons like the ones in the Middle Eastern Alliance which were able to PIERCE through the fucking Armored Titan.

THIS resulted in the fucking festival and we know what happened then. Dozens of people died including children continuing the cycle of hate that has been started for god knows how long. And Eren WILLINGLY took a part in it because he wanted his actions to be a little easier while he was going to genocide the whole fucking world.

INCLUDING his own island because let's be honest when Eren is done with the Rumbling, destroying every ecosystems. EVERYTHING that keeps a planet alive, his little island won't live for long.

"The ground... It's crying." CHAPTER 131 said by one of the goddamn kids he fucking killed.

Marley is now sure, let's fucking kill all Eldians.

He did his attack on Liberio, he betrayed everyone. Crushing Hange's every possibilities of finding a peaceful way of settling things down after having been hidden MANY useful informations by Eren, Zeke and his group but also the Azumabitos.

Sparking a civil war inside Eldia, leading to an Eldian supremacist group cause let's be honest when Floch killed that Marleyan and than gave his little first king Fritz speech, it was like seeing Hitler all over again and the Klux Klux Klan.

I MEAN... FLOCH OF ALL PEOPLE! A guy who has PTSD after seing dozens of his comrades died, their faces exploded by fucking thrown rocks. He bastardized Erwin's ideologies and no matter how good willing he was, he was just a dead man walking acting like a fool.

He also betrays his own party now, the Jeagerist by allowing the very people they tried to stop the power to stop him. By activating the Rumbling, he also caused the death of Eldians inside the walls as we've been shown with Hitch.

AND THE WORST... destroy every connection he has with his friends. Hurting them, putting them in danger by the very group he created and the Titans.

Oh but that's not all...

He uses the titan the same way Marley did it, with oppression and violence. He is not stopping the cycle of hate, he is continuing it. And it will have repercussions inside the very group of people he tried to defend.

People killed each other inside the walls and they will kill each other without it. Mikasa as shown us that when her parents got murdered and she almost became a slave.

And he killed Hange with these same titans. I don't care if they sacrificed themself. He didn't live up to what he preached. They died and Hange was someone close to him and was concerned with his well being. Maybe it was too late but they also had many other priorities as Hange was commander. They also fell into depression because of their position. One of his mentors and friends, one who tried to talk with him while he was in that cell planning to destroy the world...

talking to himself...

At this point, you know where I'm going with this. We've all suspected it, we all know it. Let's not be blind about it.

Eren is influenced by the Attack Titan. Not Ymir (at least I hope so and I think so), not Kruger and certainly not Grisha.

It's pretty clear now.

I mean Eren's change happens off screen, every time we see him he is completely different from what we used to know of him.

He barely cares about his friend and don't give me the bullcrap of (hE dOeS tHiS fOr tHeM.) If he was he would have secured them and put them in a place where they wouldn't interfere, he would have tried to convince them. HE WOULD HAVE COMMANDED FLOCH NOT TO HURT THEM.

He would have not commited genocide after knowing what it led to with Reiner, Annie and Bertholt.

That's not Eren. And the stupid argument of "hE's aLwAyS bEeN vIoLeNt". That's just bullcrap and it just destroy every bit of beautiful empathy we have seen of him. With Mikasa, Armin and Historia. Levi who he respected a lot.

It just isn't coherent. Every action he does is not coherent since the timeskip.

NOW HE'S CHALLENGING HIS FRIEND ? WTF ?

I mean is no one questionning this, doesn't it seem off from what we've seen of him.

Eren is no strategist BUT... he isn't stupid. Every sane person would know that these actions will not benefit anybody.

But... they still happened.

If we look back again, here is Eren being positive trying to put Armin in a good mood.

The outside world... endless possibilities. It's a man who wonders.

Yet, AT THE RIGHT MOMENT... he has a flashback of Faye. And his face just change.

Isn't it just weird ? Like at the right moment where he can have a positive outlook on thing. NOPE.

And this has been going and going and going...

Here:

Chapter 130.

Eren arrives in Liberio what does he see.

A flashback of his mother's death

I mean it's pretty clear now.

_________________________________________

Eren has been influenced and convinced by the Attack Titan that there's no way out. He's been reliving past memories of his and others, past memories that were traumatic. It put him in a state of depression and dread through 5 FUCKING YEARS. On top of that, he is able to see the future and what he saw will happen and has happened hence his reaction to Sasha's death.

A fucking mental breakdown.

Jesus Christ, I don't know if I've ever cursed that much in my life.

It's impossible to stop what is going to happen, because what is going to happen, needs to happen.

But as we know Sasha is in the afterlife with Erwin, Hange and the others. And we have been confirmed that this is the afterlife. So we have time-travelling, afterlife, 13 years curse, people who can turn into titans, parallel dimensions and Eren who can see through birds.

But the fandom said, no, the prospect of him being manipulated by the Attack Titan is impossible even after knowing it has special abilities.

I MEAN...

Umm... This has happened before. And I saw no one complain.

So why this ?

Is impossible ?

Especially when Eren's whole arc is about questionning his perspective of the world and becoming in control of his violence and rage. Having an agency. HELLOOOO!!!????

What better way of having the main threat of that being the very thing that causes all of his problems and his powers.

Doesn't this remind anyone of anything ?

Yep. The Uprising Arc. And who ? Historia, the girl whose all life, she couldn't act as herself or have any real agency.

Yes, you know the girl whose pregnant and decided to live the rest of her life Little House On The Prairie style. ( I mean I don't think it's her but... that's what it's looking right now. )

And who is a descendent of Ymir Fritz. With too much uncanney similarities between the two.

They could have said the Founder, Eren Jeager or something else but no they said... "It's the Attack Titan."

And it's not Ymir, if she was the one to control Eren. Why wouldn't she free herself on her own if she's able to do that ?

And in 131, she was clearly in a position where she was questionning her choice.

And perhaps she probably tried to stop Eren but the Attack Titan took over him and her. Using her powers as she is the founder.

And now just like Eren, she has no eyes. She is still a slave. Why ? I thought Eren freed her. So ? This is the only logical explanation right now.

I mean when is the last time we saw Eren.

He was sleeping inside his titan in 131. Having a dream about seeing his "sight" of freedom as a kid. And also potentially watching things with birds.

It's just weird. If he was fully in control, the characters wouldn't have questionned it and none of this weird shit would be happening.

He clearly doesn't have a free will.

This requires too much energy and Eren is a normal Eldian, not one of Royal Blood. Being both in Paths, watching this " sight ", communicating, watching with birds, moving his titan which is enormous and the thousands of colossal titans is clearly hard and too dangerous for only one person to do.

Isayama has fooled us all and me in the process.

All this time, it was that goddamn thing pulling the strings. And with the help of Isayama since he is the goddamn author of this series

In chapter 88, we learn the true meaning of Shingeki No Kyojin.

The beauty of the japanese language, as confusing as it is, can be translated by Attack On Titan, at least for us american and western audiences.

( yes because as someone pointed out in the comments, it's a mistranslation but since I don't understand how to give credit by linking because I don't understand how it works, i can't credit. So you can find the person in the comments. DO NOT JUDGE ME, tumblr is not the best place to post sometimes. )

But it's not the Attack on Titan anymore.

It's the Attack Titan.

( piece of shit is it's surname. )

[bakugohoex]

Can you do Jean x reader where they are both undercover at Marley 💕💕💕

part one: “this isn’t a date jean, we’re undercover”

paring: jean kirschtein x female reader

cw: season 4 spoiler but there is no manga spoiler at all, fluff, language 

word count: 2600+

a/n: i had to read so much for this fic, but i got the jist of it, again making sure you guys know there is no spoilers for the manga in here and onlt a season four spoiler do if you guys havent watched the latest episodes be warned

summary: in which you and jean are undercover doing reconnaissance in marley, want turns to investigating a local bar leads to feelings finally being brought out from the two of you

part two  | part three 

↞ back to attack on titan masterlist 

The dress you wore covered your thighs and knees, it hugged you, the soft material being a drastic change from your normal attire. It was a warm mid-day, birds chirped and the sound of Marleyans engulphed your ears. In the 6 years in which you had known Jean you hadn’t ever expect an undercover mission taking place in Marley of all places.

He walked with your hand in his own, you smiling softly as you spoke nonchalantly to one another. It was unamusing and more a distraction than anything else. He picked the newspaper up on the stall, paying quickly as he walked back, you followed which felt more like being dragged along by his strong grip.

The way the top of his fedora sat on his now long hair, he heard about the victory of the Marleyans from a passer-by and with his hand in your own he opened the newspaper up. It was reconnaissance, you and him both knew you were supposed to act like one of these people even if they did think of you both as devils.

“I think we should visit that bar that woman told us about, a lot of the men there get drunk and reveal a lot.”

He looked down at you, your hands still connected. He had grown so much in all these years now reaching over 6ft, his long hair and scattered hairs along his chin making gorgeous. He had become the leader both you and Marco knew he would become.

“They’ll all stare at you, why would I want that?” he mutters.

You laugh at his antics, “you’re such an idiot.”

“You’re the one holding my hand.”

“Jean it’s a mission we have to pretend to be together for the performance.”

He raised an eyebrow you had full view of his face; his eyes were tired from the late nights working on the next plan of action. But most importantly, the fact that the two of you had to share a bed. He couldn’t even touch you as your small frame would sometimes push against his chest.

You smiled at the boy getting him out of his trance before skimming through the newspaper again. “We’ll go tonight after the meeting.”

You nod as the two of you walk towards the docks of Liberio. Both you and Jean were in the internment zone, a nice old woman allowing you to stay on top of her shop. Even with her being nice her opinions on titans and those within the walls were a lot cruller than u had expected.

It had been awkward the first time sleeping beside each other, you both looked up. Not facing each other but instead watching as the clock ticked away until one of you fell asleep. You both woke up wrapped in each other’s arms, and an awkwardness had set between you two from that night. You both would try to face away from each other but one way in another you ended up touching each other in some way.

He helped you up the stairs to where the little shop was kept, you both had gained some currency mostly from stealing it, but you never expected to stay here long. Only to find information until the true invasion would begin. Of course, the others were already here in their own recon missions, but you and Jean had been the first ones and had found out the most about this stupid town.

The biggest thing being that they hated Eldians of any type. You both walked through the double doors the woman smiling at how pretty you both looked together.

You had a meeting with the rest of the survey corps, Hange leading it, you got changed into what you’d wear to the bar knowing it was going to be a long night.

Jean stood at the door watching at how you easily took the dress off. You both didn’t care about changing clothes in front of each other, you’d seen worse from each other and it meant nothing after the tortures of titans.

The short dress fitted you perfectly and as Jean eyed you up and down, he craved any touch by you. He had taken the blue tie off and the suit jacket and waistcoat off leaving him in the white button up and trousers.

You smiled at how his hair stuck to the back of his neck, when he had first started growing his hair out you had loved it seeing the boy turn into a man. You both had changed since your cadet days and as much as you missed it you couldn’t say that being an adult didn’t have its perks.

“You know Y/n, I’d definitely accept any date proposals from you.”

You rolled your eyes at him, he always tormented you with the flirting. “Jean you really are a pain in my ass.”

“Such vulgar words from a pretty woman.”

You wanted to stab him with your ODM gear but instead stuck with jabbing him with your knee into his stomach. Normally when he was a lot younger it hurt him easily, but he seemed unfazed by the action almost finding it cute.

“Why did u have to grow so much? Short Jean was better.”

“Are you saying 15-year-old me is better than now me?”

You think back at the boy, bringing your finger to your chin. “Both you and 15-year-old you are pains to be around.”

He moves his face to your ear you could feel the hairs brush against your cheek from his chin as he spoke, “it’s okay Y/n we both know how you really feel.”

Rolling your eyes, he grabbed your hand almost out of instinct, you both leaving the shop as quickly as you came. Turning the many corners that Hange had told you to take after each different meeting.

The amount of walks you both went on should be unnecessary but the people of Liberio barely batted an eyelash at the two on you.

The dress was low cut and having all these new clothes made your heart warm up. You hadn’t worn different clothes in years, always the same uniform which you grew to dislike.

“Hange really sent us on a fucking expedition.” You mutter as you lean against Jean’s side.

He leads the way walking towards an unknown battered up building. It looked like it was being constructed and you were met with the scouts.

They eyed you both up your outfits standing out. “running late per usual.” Levi mutters.

As much as you had grown on Captain Levi, he still had a discomfort towards most of you. Both Jean and you let go of hands with ease standing beside each other. Before the meeting begun mostly talking about what had occurred and most significantly the defeat of Marleyans against the Mid-East.

“You know what that means, sometime soon is our time to act.” You professed, the new knowledge coming as a relief as it would soon be time for your plan to truly occur.

Armin and Mikasa spoke, the whereabouts of Eren being unknown due to his consistent disappearances. Watching these people grow you truly understood the mutual torment you all felt. As you were all dismissed all you could think about was the consistent opposition you all faced.

“I think the bars down here.” Jean retakes your hand as you smiled at him.

“Once this is over what do you think will happen.” You ask him softly.

“I don’t know.”

“Remember when we first met, and you were adamant on becoming an MP.” He listened raising an eyebrow. “Look at you now Mr Commanding Officer.”

You were proud of your friend he had worked hard to achieve this status. “You really are proud of me aren’t yah.”

You rolled your eyes gently hitting his side. “I’m telling the truth I’m proud of you.”

You had been timid in your choice of words you were proud, and he knew you were proud of him. Walking into the bar, the significant smell of alcohol mixed with sweat made you grossed out.

It was a rule to not drink under the survey corps and you hadn’t really cared for drinking. So, the sight of so many drunk people drove you mad, how easily a night of drinking could lead to a failed future.

Jean pulled out a chair for you before going to the bar, “I’ll get your favourite.”

You nodded playing with your fingers trying to listen in on the conversations that were occurring. Many Marleyans chatting shit about the Eldians and most specifically those of paradise island.

Your fist clenched as Jean brought two drinks out. “What is it?” You question looking at the red drink in front of you.

“You told me you liken cranberry juice once, i got you some”.

Your eyes widened at the boy, “Jean i said that like years ago.”

“Shows you how much i do care about you.” You rolled your eyes sipping on the drink. You both conversed but remained consistent with your spying on individuals.

“Those guys are talking about you.” Jean coughed out sipping his drink.

“I should go up to them i might get some information.”

“Don’t.” You raise an eyebrow going up to his ear. “They might steal you away.”

“This isn’t a date Jean, we’re undercover.” The way you spoke his name made him melt, he wanted to hear more of your voice specifically moaning his name out.

You stood up ready to go speak to them before you heard something come from their mouths. “If i ever saw one of those island folks I’d slit their throats and make their kids watch.”

You felt sick to the stomach by the comment and wanted to leave. Jean hadn’t heard it and as you stood frozen, he called out your name.

“Let’s get u outside.” He whispers taking your hand as you silently followed. “Are you okay?”

You nod, “I guess it just hit me we’re hated here the way the act towards us is the way we used to act against titans.”

You felt his arms wrap around you. He knew you hadn’t spoken much about the comments and that now you hit the realisation you’d confide in him more.

“I want to go back to the shop.” He nods as a comfortable silence settled in.

You cling to his arm wrapping your hands around his own. He loved the way you cling onto him like he was your protector, and you were his queen.

Walking down a long alleyway, you see some Marley men smoking and drinking. They’d be easy targets if you wanted to kill them, hearing them speak and whistle as you both walked past. Before one of them grabbing your wrist made Jean’s instincts kick in.

He punched the guy who had touched you, his filthy hands still lingering close to your body. The way Jean with ease was able to put down the two men who looked bruised and battered.

He put his hand out for you to take, he didn’t speak. Just bringing you the comfort you needed from this whole new world experience. Everything was so much bigger outside the walls and you couldn’t ever imagine putting innocent people in walls to keep them trapped.

The events of the night led to an uncomfortable silence once you arrived back to little room on top of the shop. He stripped his shirt off due to the excessive dirt it had got on it. You admired his body, the way each muscle sat perfectly on his abdomen.

You sat on the bed fidgeting with your clothes, you played with the hem of the dress which Jean could see your upper thigh from you doing.“Do you want to talk more about it?”

“I just… i guess it’s the reality.” You muttered as Jean sat beside you his shirt off. Titans seemed less scary than any of these indoctrinated Marleyans any day.

In the years Jean had known you seeing you vulnerable and passive made his heart ache. He took you by the hand letting you attach yourself to his side.

You were scared about the upcoming invasion and even worse you didn’t even know who you’d be fighting. The uncertain of it all being too much.

He walked up to you, moving closer to your smaller frame. “You didn’t have to punch those guys, I...I would’ve said something.”

“Y/n, you’ve been silent all night, you expect me to believe that you would’ve done something.” He bends down his knees touching the ground as he kneeled in front of you. His hands moving to your own stopping you from playing with your dress anymore.

Bringing your hands up to his mouth he kissed it as you could see some bruises, you stroked your thumb against the bruises hopefully it would settle down with some ice later. “What you said back in the bar?” You start to speak but you really had nothing to say, “about not going to those men.”

“I didn’t want you to get hurt if you talked to them and…” He trailed off.

“And?” You question.

He looked up at your bright face filled with love and happiness something he hadn’t seen in a very long time. “And you bring joy, in a shitty world like this I guess you’re the only one who truly brings a smile on my face.”

“Jean when did you get so sappy.” You giggle at his flustered look.

“Oh, shut up.”

“Make me.” The tone in your voice was begging him to take you.

He rolls his eyes, his tongue flicking against the inside of his mouth as he stood up looking at you. He was even taller than before. You were a mouse compared to his frame; he bent his back bringing his face closer towards yours before a hand was placed on your cheek.

He closed the gap between the two of you, making your back hit the bed. His other hand moved to your side as he was on kissing you whilst he was on top. Your back arched at the movements wanting to feel his body on your own, as you deepened the kiss. Your hands in his long hair pulling his body closer to your own, as you felt the hardness come from his trousers.

“This was your plan all along, wasn’t its baby.” He spoke stoically a cocky grin plastered to his face.

You smirked as he let go of your lips, moving his mouth to your neck as he moved your dress down your body, with your collarbone and neck revealed for him. He left marks and sucked on spots making you moan his name loudly.

“I’d…I… would n…never.” The moans engulphed you, you craved him even more.

He had never expected to hear you moan his name, and the sound of it, with you underneath fuelled him even more to continue the act. You closed your eyes as he bit and sucked on your collar before licking the side of your neck. The saltiness it brought making him lick his lips before he went back to kissing you.

The kiss was deeper, quicker than it previously had been, you placed your hands on his exposed chest. The way a single touch from you sent shivers down his spine, “I’ve always like you, y’know.”

“I assumed so.” You giggled, his body was on top of you trapping you between his broad arms and shoulders. It was a sight and you loved it.

You brought yourself up leaning up with your elbows, your dress was half off you and the way he looked at you knew that what would happen tonight had been long awaited from many many years ago. 

proceed to part two here

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

if you guys want to be a part of a tag list, just reply to any post and i’ll add you xx

@samusimp @alaina-rose13 @crispychannie @underratedmage​ @jennammaee​ @cathy8taffy @sugacious​ @moonlightaangel

[me-and-your-husband]

home || a. arlert

summary: after 4 years of the world thinking you were dead, you come knocking on the scout regiment's door.

warnings: mentions of violence against women, language, smut, creampie, praise kink, oral (female receiving), virgin!armin, virgin!reader, smut with feels, some angst, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, slight breeding kink

pairing: armin arlert x fem!reader

words: 5k (this is the longest shit i've ever written)

A/N: this is in the canonverse, but sasha lives :D

here's my masterlist if you want to read more of my work!

Armin blamed himself. He blamed himself for not looking out for you. He blamed himself for not ensuring your safety. He blamed himself for your death.

Even though it wasn't his fault, he still blamed himself. It's just who Armin was. After your death, he was reduced to a shell of a man. He thought about nothing but strategizing, making plans with Commander Erwin and Hange to retake wall Maria and even after that he still focused on anything but you. There was no body, no grave he could visit.

Every time he did think about you, he didn't stop crying for hours. Days, even. Eren and Mikasa could bring no comfort to him. They were hurting too, but Armin had a different relationship with you. A more intimate one. A kind of relationship in which you trusted each other with everything. One where you felt at peace with each other's presence. How was he supposed to feel alright without you by his side?

When Armin became the colossal titan, he didn't know how to deal with that fact. The thing he had spent years fighting, years being afraid of, the thing that took his home, he was now that very same thing. Though, now he knew how Eren must've felt.

The next four years, he lost that light in his eyes. The childish glint that gave him his hope and his faith. After the discovery of Marley, of their oppressors, Armin realized that the enemies were the humans. He was expected to kill his own kind now.

He had moments where he wished that Captain Levi had chosen to save Commander Erwin. What could Armin do that Erwin Smith couldn't?

That's when he remembered you the most. He'd remember that whenever he felt insecure as a kid, you'd grab his face and tell him, "Armin! You're the smartest person I know. Don't go acting like you're not gonna change the world some day. I know you will. And you better believe it too." And there was no arguing with your stern voice.

After the attack on Marley, the scouts needed rest. They needed a secluded place where none of the Marleyans could find them even if they tried. So, they headed back to the castle that the scouts used to stay in all those years ago. Besides, Sasha had been shot and needed medical treatment from Hange as soon as possible.

The night approached and everyone, including Sasha, who now had a large bandage wrapped around her abdomen, sat in the mess hall. Niccolo had graciously prepared a delicious meal for the scouts when they were gone, knowing how badly they would need to regain their fuel when they came back.

The scouts laughed and joked, talked and told stories. Armin, Levi, Hange, Jean, Mikasa, Connie, and Sasha all connected with stories of old comrades and old adventures.

Soon, everyone was ready to get some much needed rest. Hange and Levi stayed up to clean up the mess hall. The rest of them found their own places to sleep.

Armin layed his head on the cold pillow. He pulled the thin blanket up under his chin and tried to fall asleep in the cold castle that harboured so many ghosts.

Finally, his eyelids felt heavy and he drifted off.

Levi, in attempts to soothe his insomnia, was up in the mess hall in the middle of the pitch black night, drinking a cup of tea. The world was silent and he could finally get a breath in.

He shut his eyes momentarily, before a series of loud bangs pulled him back into reality. He groaned.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Someone was banging on the door.

Levi sighed. Setting his cup down on the table, he moved towards the large oak door.

More banging.

"Hold on brat! I'm coming," he yelled through the door.

Swinging the door open, he was prepared for nearly anything. Nearly.

The figure in front of him was nowhere in the range of things he was ready for.

"Holy shit."

Armin awoke to a disheveled Hange shaking him furiously.

"Armin! Wake up! You have to see this!" Hange yelled.

"Okay, okay..." Armin groaned as he rolled out of bed. It wasn't unlike Hange to wake him up in the middle of the night to show him one of their experiments.

But what was unlike Hange, was to yell at the other scouts who were sleeping in their rooms, "Wake up, everyone! Meet in the mess hall, now!"

Armin was on edge, of course, but he didn't think anything of it.

Armin, Sasha, Connie, Jean and Mikasa all grumbled as they walked in their nightwear down to the mess hall in one large group. There, Levi and Hange stood facing them. But in front of the two with their back turned to the scouts, was a figure sipping on a cup of tea, rubbing their temples.

"Who is this?" Jean asked, arms crossed and face solemn.

"Yeah, and what're they doing here in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night?" Connie pressed.

The figure placed the teacup on the table and exhaled. They removed their hand from rubbing at their temples and looked up at Hange and Levi. The two gave each other a nervous look. For Levi Ackerman to be nervous, this must've been something extreme.

"Look, we don't know how..." Hange began. "Just..." Hange sighed in defeat. They looked at the figure in front of them and motioned at us.

The figure swung their legs over the bench to face us. Jean uncrossed his arms. Mikasa covered her mouth with her hand. Sasha gasped. Connie grabbed onto Jean's shoulder for support. Armin let out a whimper.

"Y-Y/N?" Armin spoke softly, his voice wavering.

You stood up and walked towards the group.

"Hey," you breathed, looking each of them over. Mikasa had cut her hair. Jean had grown his hair out more. Armin cut his hair into a silky undercut. Everyone's features were more cut and defined. Everyone grew a few inches and gained more muscle mass. You noticed Eren wasn't with them.

The same could be said for you. Your hair had grown down your back in the last four years. Your body naturally developed more into a woman with age. Your eyes were adjusted and calculated. You had more muscle than the last time any of them saw you.

"You all look like you've seen a ghost," you joked, crossing your arms and shifting your weight.

Jean stepped forward. "Because we have. You're...you're dead, Y/N. You have been for the last four years...?" Jean said, towering over you. He looked lost. He studied your features with a manic stare.

"No, everyone thought I was dead. Nobody came to look for me."

Silence. Nobody spoke, they just looked at you with hung jaws and wide eyes in complete shock, and you looked back.

After a few minutes, Armin's voice filled the room. "Y/N," he said, voice cracking as he stepped closer to you. He slowly and reluctantly reached a hand out to touch the side of your face. When you leaned into his touch and slid your hand over his, he put his other hand on the other side of your head. You slid your other hand on top of his as well.

Armin's eyes were flooded with tears. "Tell me you're real. Tell my you're really here. Tell me this isn't another dream. I can't lose you again," Armin whispered, completely drowning out everyone else in the room. He closed his eyes tightly and leaned his forehead against yours. Tears streamed down his cheeks and you wanted to wipe them all away. You wondered how many tears he spent on you when he thought you were forever gone. You swore you would never make him cry again.

"I promise, Armin. I'm here. It's me. I'm not going anywhere. I promise," you whispered, wiping the tears from his cheeks and planting a kiss to his forehead. You had never gone far with Armin. You were both only 15 the last time you saw one another. The most you'd ever done with him was letting him lay his head in your lap while you played with his hair and he read to you, or hugs here and there. Sometimes one of you would fall asleep on the other.

But this, this was an unspoken kind of love. As you cradled a sobbing Armin in your arms as he clutched your shirt and nuzzled his head into your neck, as tears spilled down your face and into his hair, as you whispered reassurances and he how much he missed you, you both understood how much you needed and loved one another.

Soon, the others joined your hug with tears running down their cheeks like rivers. First it was Mikasa. Her, Eren and Armin were always the closest to you. Then it was Sasha, Connie and then Jean. Hange and even Levi found themselves huddling into the group hug.

The next morning, after everyone got over the initial shock of seeing their dead friend in the flesh, living and breathing, you all gathered in the garden and sat in the bright morning sun.

"So...what happened?" Connie asked without looking at you. He was sat legs crossed, leaning against a fence, playing with the grass next to him.

"Connie...give her some time," Mikasa reprimanded gently.

"No, no it's fine, really. I..." you sighed, standing up and brushing the grass off of your causal dress. You turned around and leaned with your elbows on the fence, back to everyone else. You noticed the way the grass swayed in the wind and the birds chirped and the sun never stopped shining.

You inhaled a deep breath. "When we headed back inside the walls when the female titan made an appearance, I told my group that I'd fall back to make sure nobody was left behind. They didn't know me very well; not like you guys did.

"We were almost back inside the walls, but I thought I heard someone crying for help in the forest. I went to check but...I couldn't find anyone. My horse got spooked by a bird and I fell off and it ran.

"I was out there for three months. I survived by moving at night when titans lost motion and the little amount of gas I had left in my ODM gear. I survived on nature, basic instincts.

"Without a map or any navigation device, I didn't know where I was. I could see the walls, but I couldn't see where the gates were. It took me three months, only travelling at night, to get to the wall. It took me another month after that to find the gate on foot.

"Once I reached the gate, I had to find a way in. I waited until the Survey Corps went on another expedition outside the walls. By that time, you had just discovered the ocean."

Armin gasped. "You've heard about the ocean? That it's real? Like I told you!" He beamed.

You chuckled. "Yeah. Yeah, I've heard about the ocean. For the next three and a half years I worked at a tea shop in the underground as a servant. I had a small room to sleep in and I was clothed and fed, but I was also beaten and robbed whenever I walked outside of the shop. Not to mention what they did to me..." You winced had shook your head.

"Regardless, it was lonely," you said.

"I found myself missing being a scout. I missed fighting for the better of humanity. I missed you all. I missed my old life. So two months ago I snuck out of my job, and made my way to the interior. When I asked for a meeting with Commander Hange Zoe to get my status back and moved back onto the scout regiment, officers from the Garrison threw me out.

"When I saw the scouts make their way in this direction, I knew you'd be going to the castle. So a few hours later, I followed. And here we are now."

It was silent for a few moments as everyone took that in. Captain Levi broke the silence.

"So you've experienced the underground then."


You nodded.

"I'm sorry. I know what they do to women down there. It's not...it's not something I'd wish upon anyone."

You gave Levi a reassuring smile and thanked him.

Hange cleared their throat. "We're going back to the interior in a few days. Until then, we're just planning to lay low here and take a minute to breathe. You're welcome back on the team, if you'll have us."

You nodded. "That sounds great. Is this...all that's left of the scouts?"

Everyone nodded sadly.

"But it's fine! We've got Y/N back now!" Sasha said, bringing a smile to everyone's formerly sullen features.

"Yeah! We have to celebrate tonight. A welcome home party," Jean said, standing up.

"We'll go set everything up. There'll be beer, and food, and games and- oh! Sasha, you can get Niccolo to make that dish you like and we can show Y/N..." Connie's voice trailed off as him, Jean and Sasha skipped towards the castle.

"Well we better go make sure those brats don't burn the whole place to the ground. Let's go Hange," Levi grumbled, getting up and walking towards the castle.

"Y/N?" Hange asked.

"Yeah?"

"I...welcome back," Hange said with a genuine smile.

You, Mikasa and Armin sat in silence against the fence with your knees to your chest, looking out at the field in front of you.

You took a breath in. "Now might be a good time to ask..."

Mikasa looked at her hands, knowing what was coming next.

"Where's Eren?" You knew he wasn't dead. You just had a feeling.

"He's locked in a cell. He's too dangerous right now," Armin said, burying his face into his arms which rested atop his knees. His beautiful blond hair swayed slightly in the breeze.

You hummed. "Okay."

The sun was starting to set, painting an ethereal mix of orange, pink, yellow and blue across the sky. Birds flew and the grass swayed, ticking your ankles.

Mikasa sighed and stood up. She looked between you and Armin with a knowing look.

"I'll leave you guys to yourselves for now. I'm gonna go see if anyone needs help," she said, before walking off in the direction of the castle.

The grass was tall in this area and hard to see over. But when you could no longer see Mikasa, you spoke.

"Armin..." you turned your head to face him.

"Yes...?" He spoke timidly.

You giggled. "I like your haircut."

He blushed. "Really? I thought you would. I thought of you when I got it. Truth be told, I thought of you pretty much all of the time."

You looked at your hands.

"I missed you. I missed you so much, Y/N. And it's just so...I feel so...happy, at peace, that your back." Armin's voice carried so much pain, hurt and sorrow in it. You only hoped to take it away.

Armin turned to face you. He closed his eyes and took your hands in his. When he opened his eyes again, there were a few tears pooling in his baby blue eyes.

"Y/N, being without you for so long has only shown me how painful it is to live in a world where you're not by my side. I have to tell you this because I fear that if I don't, you'll leave me again. I..." Armin took a deep breath.

"I love you, Y/N. I'm in love with you. I've loved you since we were kids. When my only worry was what book we were going to read the next day and what I'd say to the kids who picked on us. When we were so young that we were incapable of such a complex emotion, I loved you. I still do and I always will, Y/N. I need you to know that. I need you to stay here and stay with me. So please, Y/N, please tell me that you feel the same way that I do because I don't know how I'll live with losing you twice." Tears streamed down Armin's face, as well as yours.

Armin studied your face for a long while. You were thinking about what to say. You didn't know how to say what you wanted to say.

"A-Armin..." your voice cracked. You looked down and shook your head. He recoiled slightly, thinking it was a sign of you not feeling the same.

"You don't feel the same way..." Armin stated, voice cracking and sniffling.

"No, Armin I..." you struggled to find words. "For fuck's sake, just let me show you," you said.

You cupped Armin's jaw with one hand and grabbed the back of his neck with the other. You crashed your lips into his. It was a mixture of salty tears and saliva. He let out a shaky breath into your mouth, and brought his hands up to cradle your face.

Pulling away, he gently grabbed your thighs and wrapped them around his waist so you were straddling him. You leaned your foreheads against each other's, taking deep breaths.

After a while, you opened your eyes to look at Armin. You tested the waters, planting soft, chaste kisses on his lips. He immediately returned them.

You both held each other's faces, pressing tender kisses on each other's lips. Tears still fell down both of your faces from the overwhelming emotion you were both experiencing.

Soon, you found yourself slowly grinding against Armin's hardening length. He moaned into your mouth. You gasped when he started bucking his hips into you at the same pace.

You tilted your head down and felt his tongue brush across your bottom lip, asking for access to your mouth. You obliged, letting his tongue slip in.

The soft moans that Armin was releasing into your mouth only added to the fire burning in your core. You furrowed your brows and whined Armin's name.

Armin pulled back. His eyes were red from crying and his lips were swollen and red. He kept his hand cradling the side of your face and he looked up at you.

"Y/N, if you don't want to do this we don't have to-"

You cut Armin off my pressing a sweet kiss to his lips.

"I want to if you want to, Armin."

With that, Armin moved his hands to your hips and nuzzled his face into your neck. He began sucking marks on your neck. For now, only you and Armin existed. The fear of being caught outside like this and people seeing the bruises on your neck later did not occur to you, and they wouldn't even matter anyways.

Your hands found purchase in Armin's soft hair, tugging lightly. Your fingers ran over the scratchy hair of his undercut.

Tiny moans escaped your lips. Armin pulled your hips closer to his, where your clothed core met his clothed length. Armin trialed one hand up your thigh and under the skirt of your dress, reaching the waistband of your panties.

"Can I?" Armin asked, looking up at you. Your hand subconsciously grabbed his wrist.

"Wait, Armin...I've never..." You bit your lip, looking away as a red tint spread across your cheeks.

"Neither have I, Y/N. Are you sure you want your first time to be here? With me?" He asked you, gently brushing a few pieces of hair out of your eyes.

You met his eyes once more. "Yes. Yes I do, Armin. I want to give myself to you. Please, I need more," you let out a breathy gasp when he grabbed your hips to softy lay you down on the grass.

"Do you trust me?" Armin asked, crawling in between your legs and interlacing your fingers together beside your head.

"I always have," you answered.

Armin gave you a reassuring smile as he pushed the skirt of your dress up to your waist. He kept your hands interlaced the whole time. He started at your ankles and trailed kisses up to your thighs, avoiding the place where you needed him the most. Finally, you felt him press a kiss to your clothed core. You clenched around nothing at the thought of him taking you like this. It was one of the most intimate things you could give, and you were happy you were giving it to him.

"Armin, please," you begged.

Armin looped his fingers around the sides of your underwear, slowly pulling them down your legs and tucking them into the back pocket of his pants.

He blew warm air over your core, before pressing a kiss to your sensitive clit, making you squirm.

"You're so wet, baby..." he said, before licking an experimental strip up your slit, making you moan. You bit your knuckle to stop the embarrassing sounds that you were bound to make.

With the hand that wasn't locked with yours, Armin gently swatted the hand away from your mouth.

"I wanna hear your sounds, pretty girl," he said, dipping back down to your dripping heat. Armin began licking at your clit, drawing figure eights with his tongue. You moaned his name and tugged on his hair again and again.

Armin used the hand that wasn't still laced with yours to hold your hips down, as they were bucking into his mouth.

"You're so pretty like this," Armin said as he came up for air, only to go back down to where you were begging for him.

For still being a virgin, Armin was very well versed in the female anatomy. Of course it was from all the books he's read in his 20 years. There was bound to have been a sex scene in one of them.

Armin continued to suck on your bundle of nerves, drawing moans and praises from your pretty lips endlessly. In no time, you felt that fire in your lower abdomen burn and burn out of control, until he finally hit that spot. It was a feeling you'd never felt before. It was such a pleasuring sensation, that you wished you'd felt it before.

Armin worked you through your orgasm by continuing his work on your clit.

"That's it, pretty girl. Come undone on my tongue. Just like that..."

Once you had finished, Armin pulled away and wiped his mouth with the black of his hand. You sat up and connected your lips with his. The taste of yourself on his tongue made you feel dirty, but you liked it nonetheless.

You palmed him through his pants, causing him to groan. You started to undo his belt, putting yourself level with his length. He took your chin between his thumb and forefinger and pulled you back up to his face.

"Not right now, baby. I just want to be close to you. I just want to feel you and take care of you. Will you let me do that?" Armin asked, voice a little dominant but more soft and genuinely asking.

Of course, you nodded. you worked to undo his blue button up as he undid his belt. He shrugged his shirt off, revealing a set of abdominal muscles that he must have gained over the time you were gone. You let your fingers trail over the expanse of his abdomen, taking in the dips of his abs.

Armin hiked your dress up so the skirt rested at your hips, and you pulled the top down so that your breasts spilled over the top. Immediately, Armin cupped your left breast and sucked marks into it, as he gently rolled your other nipple between this thumb and forefinger.

You were a mess beneath him.

"Armin, please!" You begged, tears streaming down your face from the new stimulation.

"What do you need, beautiful? Tell me," he whispered into your ear before planting kisses underneath it.

You wrapped a hand around his neck. "I-I need you inside of me, please Armin I can't take the teasing..." you whined.

Armin obliged to your request, pushing his pants and boxers down at the same time to reveal his cock, dripping with precum. He pumped it a few times before leaning down to kiss you.

"Are you ready?" He asked gently. You bit your lip and looked down at where you almost met.

"I think so...will it hurt?"

"I think so, but only for a few seconds. I think then it'll start to feel good. I made sure you were ready, so it shouldn't be as bad since there's plenty of lubrication and-"

"Okay, okay, come here dork," you chuckled, bringing him in for another short kiss.

"But you love it," he teased.

"I do." You bit your lip. "Okay, I'm ready."

Armin nodded. "Okay, tell me if you want me to stop at any point and I will. Okay?" You nodded and hummed a yes in response. Armin laced his hand with yours, and pushed in.

At first it was a painful stretch. It felt strange. Armin noticed your face scrunch up, and he stopped. He pressed his lips against yours to distract you from the pain a little bit. He pushed in a bit further.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked you, breath fanning over your face.

"Just give me a few seconds..."

Armin nodded and buried his head in your neck.

"Alright, keep going," you said.

Armin pushed in further, until he felt himself bottom out. He gave you a few moments to adjust to his length.

"Okay. You can move. It feels good now," you whispered into his ear.

Armin pressed his forehead against yours, before pulling out completely and slowly pushing back in. He loved watching your face contort as he made you feel good.

Gentle moans escaped your lips as he set a pace, giving you languid thrusts and peppering gentle kisses all over your face.

"You feel so good. You're so beautiful, Y/N," he said.

You could feel it. Neither of you were going to last very long, this being both of your first times.

It was a perfect scene. The sun was setting, and you lay in a bed of grass with the man you love, giving yourself to him completely and taking him and everything he'd give you completely.

You were still somewhat sensitive from your previous orgasm. So when Armin moved his hand down to play with your clit, the stimulation only spurred you on. That coil in your stomach grew tighter and tighter, until Armin's strokes and the added stimulation to your clit was too much. You came with a cry of Armin's name, white blurring your vision and Armin pressing his mouth to yours to muffle your screams.

"That's it, Y/N," Armin praised.

Armin was approaching his climax too. His thrusts became sloppy and irregular. Shaky moans escaped his lips. His hand that was locked with yours clamped down on yours.

"W-where do you want me to finish?" Armin asked.

"Inside," you whispered.

"Inside? Are y-you sure, Y/N?" He said, voice shaking slightly.

"Yes, Armin. Please, finish inside of me. I want to feel you," you pleaded.

Armin groaned. Something snapped inside of him, an animalistic look in his eyes. "M' gonna fill you up," he growled.

You moaned at the overstimulation. You could feel another impending orgasm coming. You didn't know if you could take it this time. His words were only encouraging you.

He still hadn't ceased his movement on your clit. The extra stimulation burned, but you were chasing that high that you were so addicted to.

Armin moaned into your open mouth. "I'm gonna come, Y/N, ah," Armin said.

"Me too! Armin!" You cried.

Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you bucked your hips into Armin. Strings of incoherent curses came from your lips. Armin grabbed your face with his hands and put his weight on your elbows. He pressed his lips against yours.

"I love you, I love you, I love you!" He said, slightly muffled into your mouth as he came. You felt is hot seed coat your insides.

After you both caught your breath, you opened your eyes and parted your lips from Armin's.

"I love you too," you said, stroking his cheek.

Armin groaned as he slowly pulled out of you. He tucked himself back into his pants, before moving down your body and watching his cum trickle out of your hole. Slowly, he swiped up the substance and fingered it back into you.

"Don't want to make a mess all over the grass, do we my love?" He asked, a smirk on his face. You nudged him with your ankle. He laughed.

He buttoned his shirt back up and you pulled your dress down or up in the respectable places. He gave you back your underwear from his back pocket.

Sitting back against the fence, Armin opened his legs and patted the grass in between them, showing that he wanted you to sit between his legs. You did so, slumping against him and playing with his fingers as the both of you watched the sunset. He planted kisses into your hair and twirled it around his finger. He inhaled your scent.

Now that you were back when he thought he'd never see you again, Armin was never going to let you out of his sight. He was determined to make every moment count. And you were fine with that, because you wanted to spend the rest of your life by his side.

let me know if you want to be added to any of my taglists!

[m-jelly]

Hello Jelly! If you’re still taking request I thought of this Levi x reader fic where reader is a honorary warrior and Levi is a Marleyan and owner of a tea shop. Obviously this would be set in Marley. One day reader and other honorary warriors stop by his shop. Levi sees reader and thinks she pretty but notices the red armband so he doesn’t talk to her at first. She keeps coming back and he finally talks to her. After several times of her going to his shop they both start to have feelings. After they confess they have to keep their relationship a secret because an eldian and Marleyan aren’t allowed to be together. I love forbidden love fics! Thank you in advance!

Hellooooo! Yes! My requests are still open. I should probably put that in my bio...I'm an old lady, I swear! I love forbidden love fics as well. Just the tension and running around behind everyone, it's so cute. You then have the couple working hard for them to be acknowledge so they can love in public <3 I'm gonna make this post war while things are still rocky, as Levi did move to Marley after the war. So, spoilers below?

Levi cleaned his counter in his teashop as he grumbled to himself. Yet another customer had spilled sugar all over the counter top. He wanted to just shout at everyone to get out so he could do a deep clean. He looked over to two kids running around with a baked treat. He narrowed his eyes at one as he locked eyes with Levi. The kids lifted his sticky hand, then slowly moved it to the table leg.

"Hey." The kid looked up at you. You crouched down, then cleaned his hand. "Don't cover this place in your dirty handprints, okay?" You hummed a laugh, then cleaned his face. "It's not fair on the owner, is it? How would you like it if I made your toys sticky and left them for you to clean?"

The kid pouted. "I wouldn't like it."

You bopped his nose. "Right." You stood up. "Now say sorry to the owner."

The kid walked over to Levi. "Sorry Mr."

Levi was gazing at you the whole time. He thought you were the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He wasn't one for falling for people, but he felt his heart flutter for you. You were so graceful and kind, yet you hold this authority over the people around you. You seemed to command people with this kindness and beauty.

Levi sighed. "Tch, forgiven. Just don't do it again."

Pieck leaned on you and sighed as she moaned your name. "Stop playing with the children and focus on me."

You giggled and hugged her. "Sorry."

Reiner let out a long sigh. "This isn't my treat you know?"

"It's mine." You approached the counter allowing Levi to take you in. "Hmm...so many wonderful teas. It's hard to choose." You leaned on the counter and smiled at Levi. "What do you suggest?"

Levi looked you over, then locked eyes with your red armband. He wanted to talk to you, but he couldn't. He wanted to say your name and thank you for coming, but he couldn't. He knew he shouldn't talk to your kind, even though the war was over there were still honorary warriers to protect the country coming for the city and the island of Paradis. The segregation was still around and strong, even though Armin and the others were working hard on creating peace and equality.

You stared at Levi, then looked to your armband. "Ah, I understand. You must have been part of the war."

Reiner pulled you back. "That's Captain Levi Ackerman. He was the best Paradis had to offer."

You gasped. "Wow, that's amazing!"

"I'll order the tea."

Levi listened to the order, then busied himself and made the three cups of tea. He made sure to give you the cutest cup he owned. He handed your tea to you and enjoyed your bright smile and how you marvelled at the cup. You waved at him and thanked him, then he watched you sit down with your two friends. Levi studied you and was sure he'd never seen you before. He never saw you during the war, which meant you didn't possess a titan before the titans were destroyed for good.

Levi was curious about you and wanted to know so much more. Thankfully, you came in every single day to get tea You always had Pieck with you and the two of you seemed very close. He was happy when you came in by yourself one day, you were also in none uniform. He'd asked Gabi and Falco about you, but all they did was gush about you and talk about how pretty, kind and strong you were. So, he had to get to know you on his own.

He started making your order, then he stopped a moment and looked to you. "Tch, where's your shadow?"

You flinched at hearing his voice. "I'm sorry?"

"Your shadow. Pieck."

You stared at Levi for a moment as you processed what was going on, then you laughed. "She's off somewhere. Sorry, I was surprised at hearing you talk to me." You waved at him so sweetly. "Hi."

Levi held back a smile. "Hi." He handed your drink over. "So, what is it you do now the war is over?"

You blushed. "Protect everyone."

"What did you do during the war?"

You pressed your lips together, then hummed and looked away. "I was part of the more secretive group." You looked at Levi. "As you've seen by the people around me, I naturally lead and get people to do things for me." You sighed. "I was kept secret and never to be made a titan, but I was a pride and joy of the army." You sipped your tea. "Can I just say, your tea is the best thing ever."

Levi frowned at you. "Why are you so friendly and nice to me? I'm covered in scars, I use a wheelchair sometimes and I was the enemy."

You hummed a laugh. "Could say the same to you."

Levi blushed. "I asked you first."

You leaned on the counter and smiled. "Because I want to talk to you."

Levi smiled a little, then noticed people were looking over and whispering. "You should move on."

You looked around and sighed. "Damn nosy assholes." You pulled back. "I wanted to talk to you again and test teas."

Levi blushed and whispered. "Come here tonight and wait out the back. I'll let you in and we'll test teas together."

You lit up and nodded. "Yes."

Levi and you met up every single day in his shop to test tea. Eventually, the tea testing turned into dates with high tension between you both. Levi never thought someone so beautiful would be interested in him, even more so that he wasn't the same man externally and internally after the war. However, you flirted and left light touches on his body.

You stood up during talks and knew Levi was having a bad health day, because he was in his chair all day. You walked over and sat on his lap. "You could wheel me around the place." You giggled and looekd to Levi's blushing face. "This rude of me?"

Levi shook his head. "N-No. It makes being in a wheelchair just a little better."

You smiled at him. "You don't realise how wonderful you are."

Levi lightly rubbed your back, then placed his other hand on your thigh. "Can...can I kiss you?"

You leaned closer and wrapped your arms around his neck. "I've been dying to do this."

You kissed Levi causing warmth to spread between the two of you. Your heart fluttered in your chest at how soft Levi's lips were. You smiled when you felt his scar on his lips, which only added to the moment. You pushed your fingers into his hair, then lightly played with the shaven part causing Levi to growl at you. He squeezed your thigh sending a jolt of fire to surge to your heat. You both half opened your mouths and enjoyed dancing on the edge of a more heated kiss. You both felt tingles run through you and a desire for more.

Levi pulled back from the kiss first as he felt himself a little flustered. "Tch, sorry."

You smiled then curled up on his lap and rested your head on his shoulder. "Don't be sorry. I love you, Levi. There's no denying it. I know you love me just as much, but we've been holding back all this time."

Levi wrapped his arms around you and held you so tightly. You were the most precious thing in the world to him and it saddened him that there was so much hate between his people and yours being a couple. "I love you too. We'll have to keep us secret from others, because segregation is still strong."

"The laws will change, I know it. We'll be able to be together in public and freely."

Levi smiled and kissed the top of your head. "I know they will. I'm determined to make us work."

You kissed his neck causing him to blush. "Me too. With my way with words and getting people to believe me and your grumpiness."

"Tch, oi."

You laughed and kissed his cheek. "We'll throw people off and be together. I promise we'll get our happy ending."

Levi smiled and kissed you. "It's going to be an interesting journey as a couple, but I'm willing to do anything."

"Me too."

[lady-eny]

Title: On the Nature of Duty (6/?)

Some tags: AU - Spies & Secret Agents, Enemies to Lovers, Action, Canon-Typical Violence, Minor Mikenana, Minor Zekehan, Minor Character Death, Reincarnation

Summary:

When Levi, Eldia’s best agent, is sent to kill the marleyan star analyst Hange Zoe, he doesn’t expect what awaits him. 

Forced to team up with his enemies to save the world, he soon starts losing sight of his duty. Despite reminding himself how much he hates her, Levi can’t prevent his brain from scrambling at her mere presence, ever closer…

Perhaps it’s that he knows her from a long time ago…

Cross-posting on: AO3

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Notes: Coming next: Zeke and Marley. I update every friday! Thank you so much for reading! Comments are always welcome✨

Chapter 6

The crash struck his ears, as well as the thud of her body landing on the ground.

Something inside of him paralyzed. Didn’t start functioning again until perceiving the slow rise and fall of her breathing.

She was alive.

His eyes turned into slits of anger. This was Kenny’s fault, all of this!

“Armin! You take care of Hange!!” He commanded before chasing these bastards.

D-8

“And he’s so paranoid, too,” The Ripper mocks as Levi stands by the table.

His feet hesitate before taking a step away, hand sliding over the cold and metallic back of his chair. Pull it out and retake his seat, or leave it behind? Levi switches a look with Hange, to which she responds with a subtle nod.

Go.

He walks away. Stops at the edge of the restaurant’s area, the neon green light and the red from the bridge falling on him. Glances back. With her profile to him, Hange doesn’t look back. Kenny does, though. The Ripper arches his brow at him in a derisive way, laughs exuding from his eyes. Levi’s expression hardens and conveys a silent warning that will likely fall on deaf ears.

Levi can’t waste more precious time. He turns and goes after the strange man’s trace, disregarding the feeling of dread engulfing his entire being., which only inflates and fortifies with every step he takes away from Hange and The Ripper.

As soon as he’s out of sight, Levi puts a hand to his ear and communicates with their team. “There’s a suspicious man in the vicinity. Brown t-shirt, khaki pants, dark hair. Look for him.”

“Got it,” answers an unknown voice from his earphone.

Levi hurries down the street. He scans the zone. The unintelligible murmur of the people rises around him. Passers-by crowded around a food cart, shop windows, androids carrying their masters’ purchases... There. The man sneaks out of a congregation and turns into a street. Levi’s eyes narrow, looking at the last spot the man was. He takes a glimpse in the direction of the restaurant he just left.

In his ear, Hange’s voice rings. “I’ll take some tea,” she says, and is followed by unclear words, perhaps of a waiter talking or the sort.

I’ll only be away for a minute, he promises himself, and runs after the man. Moves past stores and restaurants with ground-eating strides until reaching him.

His back is right in front of him.

Levi charges and puts a knife to the man’s throat. “Don’t fight or I kill you.” The man raises his hands, stiffening.

A gasp makes him turn his head. A grey-haired woman with shopping bags hanging from her forearm noticed the exchange and is petrified in the middle of the street.

Shit. He was so focused on completing this fast that he didn’t think this through. No problem—he just has to conclude this as soon as possible. Levi drags the man to an alley, not without shooting a warning look at the woman. If she told someone—which she absolutely will do—he’d get in unnecessary trouble.

Surrounded by a putrid smell and out of the light and sight of dozens of people, Levi hisses, “Who are you?” The man doesn’t utter a sound, so Levi pricks his skin enough to let a line of blood out. He only gets a small groan in response. “I asked, who are you?”

The man struggles against him, but Levi doesn’t waver. His teeth sink into Levi’s arm skin. Levi swears at the stinging, not loosening his hold still. The man grips his arms and tries to rotate him, but Levi slips out of his grasp. Yet with the sudden motion, Levi’s knife flies to the ground. The man gets to turn and throws punches once, twice. Levi dodges them all.

There’s something oddly familiar about his fighting style…

Nimbly, Levi crushes the man. Strikes his stomach, his throat. Kicks him behind the knees and he drops to the ground. A fine sheen of sweat shines on the man’s upper lip. Levi can’t shake the feeling—he’s seen this man before. But where?

Levi listens to Hange coughing from his earphone “Kenny is such a nice name. Is it even real?”

When it comes, Kenny’s response is muffled, further away from the microphone as he is. “Yours too, but it’s probably fake… You’re from Marley, aren’t you?”

Levi halts mid-punch.

How does he know that?

Of course he investigated her before coming, Levi surmises. The man uses his distraction to get out of his reach. Levi snares him by the back of his shirt before he crawled out of the alley. Hurls him against a wall and pulls his hair back to expose his neck. Half his mind is here and the other on the conversation in his ears.

“To the point,” Hange’s tense voice booms in his head. “You have what we want?”

“Information, eh? You must be with the WCO. Oh no, don’t be so worried, Miss Bean. I won’t hurt you. I don’t mind who you’re with and neither that you’re a vicious marleyan. Only about money.”

“I am with the world,” she states. Levi detects the strain in her tone. Is it because of the derogatory term? Or is something else going on, something he’s unaware of? He has to come back there. A minute has already passed.

Levi retrieves his knife and knocks the man in the face with its handle. The hit makes his head bounce and twists his sunglasses. He spits a groan along with blood. But no words.

He returns the knife to the man’s sweaty neck. “Who are you?!”

Conscious and aware, the man refuses to speak. Levi pins him harder to the wall. The most they need is information. If Kenny doesn’t talk, capturing one of these men could give them just that. But why won’t this one open his mouth?!

Hange continues talking, “Whoever is doing this is a threat to all of us. You should know that.”

Kenny chuckles. “I don’t care about the world. The money, and you get your answers.”

A sigh from her, and then a bump. She must have placed the money bag on the table. “Here. But you won’t take it until you tell me what I want to hear. Who hired you?” Hange is racing through her words. Sounds almost strained.

Something is wrong with her. Levi’s heart pounds within his chest. “Calling to reinforcements,” he yells to his earphone. “I have him; I’m two blocks away, in an alley around an ice cream store.”

No reply.

Where the hell is everyone?!

Levi can’t let the man go; he must be interrogated. He racks his brain, seeking which should be his next move. They require answers, that’s for sure. But mostly, he needs his fucking team to arrive so he can return!

Unexpectedly, the man whirls and strikes Levi’s stomach. Air blows out his body as he bends over his abdomen, losing his cap while that. Heartbeats drill his temples.

Kenny mutters, “I’m unsure of who. As far as I know, the leader is a man, but I only met one of his minions. An important one, though.”

Levi reincorporates. The man’s reaching for the exit, answers slipping away from his fingers. Levi can’t let him go. He throws a trash can lid at the man. It doesn’t wound him but does achieve to slow him down enough. Levi gets to him and hits him with an uppercut to the chin. The man’s sunglasses fall as blood spills from his mouth. Without the sunglasses, Levi sees his dark eyes full of fear, darting and darting to the alley’s exit behind Levi.

Great. He should be scared and spit out his secrets once and for all.

“Who are you working for?!” Levi barks to the man, whose mouth is pressed into a firm slash. Instead of attacking, the man dashes to the exit. Levi gets in his way, and using the man’s impulse, stamps his face against the opposite wall.

“Ho—How was he?” Hange asks in his ear. Levi picks up her evident alarm. Where are those damn reinforcements when needed?! He needs to get to her, now. But the man… Levi glimpses at his sealed lips blocking out any valuable information. He can’t go without getting anything from him.

He just has to make haste.

Levi steps away from the man. Takes a stone and seizes it. The man storms to him in an attempt to push him down but Levi strikes him on the nape. The man collapses.

“I think he was okay,” Kenny jokes. After a silence, he says, “Fine, fine. Middle-height, dark-haired, light-colored eyes. Is that enough?” A beat. “Look at this, how late is it? Do you happen to own any wristwatch? You know, the ones that are coming back in fashion. I was planning to buy one…”

Fuck you, Kenny.

“Where did you meet him?” Hange retorts. Levi’s shoulders tighten; she is clearly frightened. Kenny might not recognize those slight dwindles in her voice, but he does—how does he do it, he doesn’t know, yet her fear seeps into him and curls in his stomach.

“Liberio.”

And fuck you, Marley!

Levi needs to return. He reviews his surroundings in search of something, anything useful. The trash. He empties some garbage bags in desperation, ignoring the rotten stench that emanates from their content. Drags the unconscious man to a wall.

“Where in Liberio?” Hange asks.

Levi ties the man’s hands with a bag. Takes another one and shackles him to a plastic tube. If he wakes up, the fragile material will only stop him for so long. This isn’t ideal at all, but what else is he supposed to do? He has to go, more so as their team seems to be MIA.

Kenny replies to Hange, “In—”

RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT

Levi’s feet turn into concrete.

The rumble of gunfire echoes and echoes from his earphone, so loud that it ends with a piercing ring that makes him take the device off. When he puts it on again, he hears pure static. It’s no matter. The succession of machine-gun fire reverberates off the alley walls, followed by shouts and hurried footsteps.

No no no no no… Levi can’t think nor breathe, completely paralyzed in ice. From his spot in the alley, the narrow view down the street shows a throng of people jogging away from the tourist zone.

Away from the bridge.

From the restaurant where Hange and The Ripper are.

Or were.

His feet react by themselves, propelling him to the restaurant the fastest he’s ever moved. Pain stabs his heels at every stride. Gunshots continue wriggling around him as he crashes against the panicked crowd.

The sound of gunfire comes to a sudden stop. Deathly silence descends on everyone.  

Levi keeps his pace. When he reaches the point where the street ends to make way for the open area of the restaurant, he realizes how alone he is. How desolate the restaurant stands, only the whizz of the harsh wind running over him, gusting on his ears. Everything is quiet and gloomy, far from the view of minutes ago, when it was bursting with noise and activity.

He hesitates before venturing to the building, dread knotting in his stomach. Surveys the distant rooftops, the obscure corners from which enemies could be targeting him. There doesn’t seem to be anyone, which doesn’t reassure him. He encircles the restaurant, fingers gripping the hidden weapons on his belt.

Awareness of the danger climbs up his legs, but he pushes on. Men covered in blood on the ground, half-eaten dishes abandoned on the tables, broken glass on the floor… and no trace of life. The ones who could fled. The ones who couldn’t are dead.

And Hange? The Ripper? What happened?

His chest closes around a deep stab of panic—she wouldn’t be dead, right? In that case, there would be a corpse… Most of the bodies on the ground belong to men dressed in brown, much like the clothes from the man he left in the alley.

Levi lets the open area behind and swings the restaurant’s building crystal door open. The place is vacant and gloomy, as if the entire building was engulfed with shadows but for the faint reddish gleam of the bridge over it. Nothing here. He cranes his neck to look down the nearest street, then glances at the beginning of the bridge.

Through the disturbing quietness, he treads to the lifeless bridge, inspecting its corners for a glimpse of her, of noise, of anything. He paws a hand through his hair. He shouldn’t have left her. Now she might be dead, just like Moblit is. He knew she was in danger, and still…

It only took me five minutes, flows in his mind as he clutches his sore neck. A burden made of regret begins wrapping around him. As part of his team, she is his responsibility.

Hange can’t be dead; she wouldn’t die that easily. But where is she?

Distant sirens become louder and louder. Suddenly, armed men in black surround him. Levi’s muscles tense until he recognizes the WCO’s logo on their armors. Some delve into the bar while others scatter on the adjacent blocks.

“Agent Ackerman,” one of them tells him. “We have this under control.”

“We have to find Agent Zoe.” Hundreds of possibilities pass through Levi’s mind. Maybe The Ripper took her? Maybe she hid? “She could have run away with the crowd, or…” Or they took her. He thumbs his eyes. She must be somewhere nearby. On the streets or the—

Something low and faint, much like a moan, skims to him.

“Yes, sir. We are already—”

“Shhh!”

Adrenaline courses through his veins. He concentrates on hearing, hearing. A muted voice ebbs from the side of the bridge. He bolts in its direction. With one hand on the metal and icy surface of the bridge tower, he peeks at the violent sea waves below.

In the space between the ocean and the surface of the bridge, halfway on the pier made up of metallic trusses that extend along it, a green sweater and messy brown hair stick out.

“Hange?” He gasps under his breath.

“… Levi?” Returns with the wind almost noiselessly.

The other agents rush to the edge and look down. One declares, “I’d call a rescue team!”

Levi kneels. Even when the fence at his front obstructs the view, he finds an angle that lets him make out her hands around the metal and her head tilted up. She must have lost her wig somewhere, because it’s nowhere to be seen. She’s way down. “How did you get there?” He screams.

“Ah, you see, some people were trying to—” She lets out a cry of pain. Urgently, she mumbles, “I think my foot is stuck. I can’t free it nor feel it anymore. And my arms… I won’t be able to hold on for much longer. I’m out of ideas.”

One of the agents announces, “A rescue team will arrive soon and—”

“She won’t make it,” Levi cuts him, realizing it just as he says it. His eyebrows draw together as he notes the tremors in her hands. If they surrender, she’ll fall to a sure death. “… Get me a rope.”

“A what?” The agent looks around in confusion.

The wheels in Levi’s brain accelerate with a surge of energy. Maybe her falling to her death would be for the best. Undeniably, the best for Eldia. And yet… Can he stay still while she dies, when he can prevent it?

A better person wouldn’t hesitate. As it turns out, he isn’t. If she dies… What if the mission fails because of her absence?

That won’t do.

“Get me a rope!” Levi repeats louder. The agent staggers to the others. “Hold on,” he tells Hange. “You’re going up soon.”

As he waits, nothing wanders in his mind but the logistics of what he’s about to perform. His chance of failing and dying is worse than he’d like. In the scenario of dying, Erwin will surely bring him back just to kill him personally.

The agent jogs back with a frayed rope. “This is the best we could find.”

At least it is long. Levi grasps its roughness, stretching it out to estimate its resistance. Anyway, it’s the only one they got. He ties it to the pillar and rolls it up around him, securing it on his torso.

“For nothing in the world let it unravel,” he orders the agents before getting on the fence. Should he rely on these inept agents?

No way. Levi finds it more reassuring to trust in his own experience and the rope’s untested strength. He places a foot on one of the metal beams under him, then another, and with that, he’s climbing down.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Hange worries from below.

Not really. “Yes.”

At any rate, this isn’t the worst thing he’s ever done, and hopefully, neither the last. After a few minutes, Levi reaches her. The night conceals most of her, but the red lightning from the bridge brushes her now pallid and dirty face. Her moist eyes are opened more than normal, and despite the freezing weather, beads of sweat slide down her forehead.

“Hi,” she whispers, her usual smile not following her greeting. On closer inspection, he notes that her fake nose is gone as well.

He maneuvers to hold himself with one hand and check her foot with the other. In truth, her foot is stuck. He tries freeing it to no avail, only achieving to grow tired. Without any other choice, he struggles to remove her sneaker. When he manages to take it off, the shoe plummets and crashes into some rocks, against which it bounces to finally dip into the tumultuous waves that sink it.

Uh. Better not to look down.

Levi releases her foot with ease. “It’s done.”

“Uh-huh.” Hange shakes her leg. “Thanks.” Her knuckles are white by the effort of holding herself, the tremors worse than mere minutes ago. Would she be able to safely climb?

“Come here.” He places himself in front of her and steels his hold.

It takes her a moment to interpret him. She gapes, “What? No. You won’t be able to hold us both.”

His jaw works. As much as he hates his reputation, doesn’t she remember why he’s considered the best? “I will.”

“If you fall, we both do,” she counters, shaking her head.

“We won’t.”

“I can do it by myself.”

“You do?” He cocks his head.

“I…” She looks at the top of the bridge, still far away from them. She’s thinking on a solution so hard that he can practically hear her thoughts, calculations rushing over her head. In the end, she breathes a weighted sigh. “Okay. Fine.”

Hange wraps her arms around his neck and then her legs around his hips. He releases an unsteady breath as she tightens her arms, hugging herself to him. Only for a second, he allows himself to take in the weirdness of this. When was the last time someone was this close to him for else than fighting? The last time he’s been hanging by a thread, with the possibility of falling to his death with one misstep? Nothing new to him. This is, though, the first time he’s in one of these situations and not alone.

He unwittingly sucks in her scent of sweat and metal, underneath of which leaks out an earthy fragrance with a hint of roses. Every so often, he forgets how everyone, even marleyans, carries their own set of inherently human attributes. He relaxes in her steady presence.

For once, he didn’t fail. Not again. She’s alive.

Levi struggles to adjust his position before climbing up. The metal from the bridge is like ice chunks numbing his hands, yet he presses on. It’s not like he can give up.

There’s an abyss of difference between going down and up, even more so with Hange’s extra weight. He feels sweat rolling down his spine, his fingers stiff and burning. Come again, why did he decide to risk his life for such a shitty person that he hates so damn much?

“Sorry,” she murmurs against his ear. “I must be heavy. It’s because of the chocolate chips in the muffins, right?”

He bites down a laugh. This is not the time to lose control. And she isn’t even funny, he remembers. Marleyans are in no way funny.

“I promise to eat only five next time, and—”

“Silence,” he grunts.

“Sorry.”

Lifting his leg is getting harder and harder, yet he’s about to reach the fence. He puts one foot up and... slips.

They fall.

His stomach and heart leap up into his throat, Hange’s muffled screams stunning his ears.

Their fall halts.

With the abruptness of the stop, they swing out of control. His head crashes against the hard metal of the bridge with a loud clink. Bright spots dance before his eyes, mind spinning for a few breaths.

He blinks and clears his view, ignoring the sharp pain in his forehead. The rope is, for the time being, keeping them suspended. Not trusting it to support their weight much longer, he flails his arms and legs to hold onto something, until he clasps a beam.

“Are you alright?” She asks when they’re relatively secure again, her voice watery.

He limits to nod before resuming his climb. Although his muscles are sore and his raw fingertips sting as if they were being scorched, his entire concentration is on not loosening and keep moving. Otherwise, they’ll both die, and he’s planning on watching Joan the Slayer’s season finale.

Hange’s arms tremble around his neck. She doesn’t as much as lift her head from the crook of his neck anymore. His breathing has become labored by the moment he reaches the protective fence. Hands stretch out and Hange goes up first. With the help of those useless agents, she makes it to the bridge. Levi flexes his aching arms and climbs the last stretch. He lands on the firm floor with an exhalation. His legs give up and he drops to the ground.

Inches from him, Hange sits down with her back to the fence, pulling her legs to her chest. His posture sags in relief. Apart from some scratches on her arms and a dirt smudge on her cheek, she appears to be whole.

“What happened?” He asks when his breathing stabilizes, studying her. Her clothes are dirty and disheveled and the sleeves of her sweater rolled up, but there’s no blood in sight. However, she felt so threatened that she resorted to hiding in such an extreme place.

It merely took me five minutes…

“Kenny’s men.” Her glasses slip down her nose, and she pushes them up with her trembling and sweaty wrist. “A man—he came from the street and sat in my line of sight. I knew he was problems, but thought you guys were going to come for him. I didn’t want Kenny to doubt us and not talk, so I didn’t…” She takes a shaky breath. “He shot at me, and I… I dropped to the ground just in time. At once, every person from the other tables stood up, put out guns, and… shot him to death. Kenny… they were their men. He told me I should run, so I did, because more people were coming toward me. They chased me to the bridge, and more gunshots…”

He should have known that The Ripper would never show up without protection. “You let The Ripper go?”

She shoots him an incredulous look. “He saved my life!” Her hands are overtaken by tremors as she gathers her hair to make a ponytail.

Looks like that, Levi ponders. There must be something they don’t know, because it just isn’t feasible.

Without any tie, Hange lets her hair fall again. She sinks her head between her knees. “Thanks. For—”

“Everything is clear,” someone announces from afar. The remaining team comes to them.

“Where were you?!” Levi fumes at the closest agent. Scrubs a hand over his face, employing the entirety of his will on remaining calm and civilized with these WCO stupid agents.

The agent hunches. “Agent Ackerman, sorry for the delay, we were ambushed and—”

“They came from nowhere!” The other interjects.

Levi inhales. Patience, patience. He’s usually so good at remaining calm… “How many did we lose?”

“None, sir. We got them,” another celebrates.

Levi’s muscles quiver. He jumps up and points his index finger at them. “Do. You. Know. How. Important. She is?!” He grumbles, strained. His voice raises. “You could have come sooner, you should have! She’s alive only for her shitty good luck!” Hange flinches at the noise. Levi closes his eyes and speaks, lower this time, “I left one of them two blocks from here, in an alley around an ice cream store. Get him and send him to interrogation.”

The agents nod and rush away.

A blaze of smoke drifts through the air from a street beside the bridge. Levi’s instinct doesn’t allow him to ponder. With careful steps, he leaves the bridge and everyone behind. Turns the corner.

The sole relevant thing about the place is the man leaning against a lighting pole.

With one foot on the pole and knee up, The Ripper takes the cigarette from his mouth and breaths out smoke. “It took you a long time, shorty.”

Levi steals down the street, hands on his belt in alert. “What did you have to do with this?”

The Ripper snickers, quite amused. Spreads his arms. “Believe it or not, nothing.”

Hard to believe. Levi encircles the man without closing the distance. In his experience, a fight with The Ripper is difficult enough, and with the soreness of his arms… Better to avoid it altogether. Even when tempted to call the other agents, Levi doesn’t make a move.

He’s… curious.

More than curious.

Baffled.

A question keeps gnawing at him. He can’t stop it from surfacing. “Why did you help her?”

“Do you think I’m not capable of any decency?” I do, because you aren’t. Kenny’s eyes are equal parts inquisitive and teasing on Levi. Not at all. “I don’t feel particularly compelled to kill someone just because. Neither do I find it entertaining to let someone die while we’re having a pleasant chat.”

“That’s absurd.” Levi’s confident of his ability to recognize a lie when he hears it. All the more, this is The Ripper talking. Treacherous. Untrustworthy. An asshole. “Tell me the truth.”

“Not everything is black and white, Ackerman. Your narrow eldian’s mind likes to think so, but that’s nothing more than a sham.”

Levi stops under a banner announcing the new Tybur phones. “I don’t believe you.”

“No, I didn’t think you would.” The ripper smirks. “Still, for the sake of this negotiation, tell the beauty that the ones behind this are very powerful people. If they happen to succeed, the entire world would change.” Kenny shakes his head. “Wish her good luck for me.”

That does catch him by surprise. The Ripper almost stroke as reluctant to let those criminals win. Unbelievable.

“Why would you tell us this?” Levi inquires, his conflicting emotions hidden by his low tone.

“I don’t enjoy getting interrupted or attacked. Besides, it’s nothing you didn’t already know.” Kenny doesn’t say anything else before ambling off. As he strolls down the street, his shape gets smaller until it’s imperceptible.

Levi eyes the rooftops around, and upon finding no imminent menace, comes back.

“I can meet Kenny again,” Hange whispers as soon as she spots him, placing her chin on her knees.

“There’s no use.” Levi leans his back on the fence and slides down to the ground, limbs feeling forceless. “You got something and went unscathed, that’s enough.”

“Everything screams Liberio. Maybe we should go there,” she suggests. Shivers at her words. Why does she sound so reluctant about that prospect? She must not want him to personally visit that city. After all, even when not the capital, Liberio is one of the most important places, not only in Marley, but in the entire world.

“We should rest.” Tomorrow, he expects his muscles to be in plain agony. He loathes climbing. How much time has gone by since he pushed himself to such physical extremes?

Oh, right. Since that mission on the moon where he stole information on the Marley satellite program, and had to come back like a stowaway on a ship.

“I’ll tell Nana.” Hange rubs her palms together. “They could go instead. Argh, I’m starving! Imagine some chocolate cakes…” Her face splits into a smile.

The edge of Levi’s mouth kicks up. If she’s thinking about food and smiling, she must be truly fine.

  ***

  “I don’t know,” Hange says to Nanaba’s projected face. “I honestly think that, if they’re able to find me everywhere, no matter how I look, we really should use me as bait. When they come for me, we only have to capture—”

“No,” Levi and Nanaba cut her with one voice.

“If they knew about this mission,” Nanaba continues, “they’ll know if we set this kind of trap for them.”

Levi nods, although no one is watching him. There must be a mole in the WCO, or even in this team… Hopefully, whoever is the spy doesn’t know about this hotel room. He doesn’t fancy the idea of another encounter for tonight.

“Maybe.” Hange rubs the helm of her shirt. Not as convinced as she should be.

“Don’t worry.” Nanaba’s eyes soften with affection. “We’ll catch them before something worse happens. They must have left a loose end somewhere, which we’ll find. And…” Nanaba’s gaze flicks to a side, in the direction Levi would be wasn’t he out of her line of sight. “We’ll go to Liberio, investigate, and leave on the same day. Easy piece.”

“You’re right.” Hange builds half a smile. “Liberio isn’t even that big… Take care anyway, Nana.”

“I will. Off I go!”

Hange lets out a tired breath. “Okay. See you…”

The projection blurs to nothingness. Hange stays still for a minute, stare lost at the stars sparkling out of the wall window.

Levi flops on the lounge chair, body slackening and spreading all over it. He rubs the bridge of his nose—the throbbing in his head has become a maddening, insistent rapping. Most of what happened today feel far, far away.

It was all for nothing. The Ripper took the money and didn’t share anything useful, and the man Levi strove to apprehend had escaped by the time the agents looked for him. He closes his eyes in an attempt to abate the pain.

“How are you?” Hange exits the bathroom, shaking her wet hands after washing them. He opens his eyes and replies with a groan. She reaches out for her bag. After zipping it open, she rummages in it. At last, she pulls out what looks like an ointment tube. She marches toward him with purpose. Instantly, he sits straighter, alarmed. If she wanted to attack him, she’d bring a better weapon than a tiny tube, wouldn’t she? “You already cleaned your wound, yes?”

“What?” He blinks many times. Hange points to the scratch on his temple. “Oh. Yeah.”

Hange kneels in front of him, unscrews the cap of the tub, and pours some of it on her index finger. Outstretches her hand at him.

He jerks back. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Relax.” She drops her hand. “This is to prevent infection.” Shyly, her hand stretches to him once more. He clamps his lips together and remains immobile, albeit not without some reluctance. “And again… thank you. For helping me there. I never thought you’d do that, haha. You’re full of surprises. And really, thank you.”

He’d never heard so many ‘thanks’ in a single hour.

She’s so close that he distinguishes the room’s light reflected on her pupils, hazel again; the faint freckles on her cheekbones; the opacity on the edges of her glasses. Her breath makes contact with his skin and somehow cools the tension he gained from seeing her approach him out of nowhere.

“It was nothing,” he mutters. She rubs her finger on his temple, and it feels… weird. It hurts, yet it is kind of nice. Warmth envelopes him as he enables her take care of his scratch. When was the last time someone mended his wounds out of a hospital room?

“It was! You could have died along with me, and still—”

“It’s my job to do the best for the mission and my team,” he retorts, stirring at her excessive thank yous. He genuinely didn’t do anything out of the ordinary, and her luck played a major factor in her being alive. She must have saved the world in her past life or something. “Not to mention, I knew I wasn’t going to die.”

“Okay. Thank you either way.” She peruses him beneath her long, curly pair of lashes. He claps his moistening hands together. “So, who is your favorite Joan the Slayer character?”

His breath suspends, expression tainting with sternness. What could she win by knowing that? “Who’s yours?”

A smile dangles at the corners of her lips. “You think this is a trick?” He doesn’t reply, merely waits. “Fine. Randy.”

Uh. “Mine’s Randy, too.”

“Oh my god, I knew it!” She bursts out laughing. “You’re totally his vibe!”

“A murderous vampire?” He raises a brow.

Her laughs die as she acquires a pensive expression. “Mmm, rather someone who hides a lot within and puts on a facade that’s pretty hard to break.”

What the fuck? His mouth opens but nothing comes out, hot steam coating his insides all of a sudden. “I’m not like that.”

“That’s up to discussion.” She draws her hand back. Screws the cap back on the ointment tube, but instead of standing up and getting off, she tilts her head to a side and catches his eyes. “You’re very contradictory, Ackerman. Did you know that?” These words are in tune with his own thoughts. Has she also been trying to figure him out? The idea is troubling. “You repeat and repeat Eldia’s propaganda and then go to extremes to save a marleyan. Isn’t it curious?”

Her gaze on him is impossible to read. Levi swallows. That… isn’t true. Everything he has ever done, even today, has been for Eldia. If someone heard her, though, they’d call him a traitor. For the first time, he rethinks his past actions. How will Erwin take his report?

She tears her eyes from him and pulls away. “Errr—I’ll take a shower first!” And she, finally, goes away from him.

Minutes trickle and trickle by, and she still doesn’t come out of the bathroom. Levi knocks on the door.

“Hange?” No answer. “Are you there?” A few seconds pass before he hears a faucet closing. Fucking finally.

“I’m here. Don’t come in,” she says, her voice a faint whiff.

Levi snorts with impatience. “Is there any hot water left?”

The door cracks open. If not for his quick reflexes, it would have smashed him in the face. She walks out wearing a pajama set consisting of a purple short-sleeve top and purple pants with little stars.

“I guess you have to find out.” She’s drying her dripping hair with a towel, a wide smile on her mouth. She evidences a good mood, something quite impressive after the day she just had.

Evidences, he thinks, surveying her face. But is she, really? For a blink, he believes to spot a sad and tired tinge in her eyes, but as it comes it goes.

She jumps to her bed and stretches in a yawn. “I love this bed so, so much!” She extends her limbs and moves them, as if trying to make an angel on the mattress. “Don’t you love hotel beds, Levi? They’re always the most comfortable ones.”

He returns to his bed, shaking his head. “You obviously don’t spend most of your time on them. Mine is better than this crap.” He punches his pillow. Ugh, it’s like a rock.

Levi hesitates in front of his bed. He wants to take a shower, but what if those men come back and he isn’t nearby, again? He’s aware he’ll have to let her alone at some point, but right now his stomach churns in protest. He ends up settling down with his back against the wall, legs bent and raised.

“Yeah? How is your bed?”

He shrugs and takes his phone, acting all busy when in reality, he’s scrolling down social media. People are currently doing memes of the end of the world and sharing what they’d do if there are more explosions and they happen to be in one of them.

Blow out, Levi supposes. What else would they do?

“Oh, come on!” Hange exclaims. “I won’t over-analyze your answers again.” She lifts her right hand as to take an oath. “I swear.”

A slow smile builds on his face at her act. What could she get from knowing that, anyway?

“I have a feather pillow.”

“A what?!” She rolls and lies with her belly down. Places her elbows on the bed and supports her chin on her hands. “Are these real? They’re such a fairytale thing.”

Oh, they are. And super comfortable, too. “What about yours?”

“I don’t have a proper bed.” Her eyebrows furrow. “Better said, I never sleep there. Too much work.”

Levi nods. He can imagine all the work she does, work against Eldia. His arms fold over his chest. He shouldn’t be talking to her this freely. Even so… he empathizes with her words—he doesn’t get enough time in his bed either, always on the run or on missions. Consuming exhaustion weighs on him at the memories.

“On the other hand, hotels’ food service is on a whole new level. My sister once ordered…” She trails off, and her face freezes. She lies on her back and looks up at the sky visible from the glass ceiling. “Stars… they’re so beautiful, don’t you think?”

Yes. “No.”

“How so?” She appears scandalized. Throws her arms up, gesturing to the tiny shining points above her. “Just look at them!”

“If you love them so much, why don’t you live up there?”

“Up there I wouldn’t watch this very skyscape. And my people need me here. Maybe someday…” Hange becomes quiet. Levi watches her profile; her still wet hair curling on her temples and her serene countenance. What could she be thinking? He slides his attention to the stars, their stability bringing him some sort of peace. Sighs with satisfaction. “Kenny was… interesting,” she says after a minute. He’s unable to discern her tone.

“That doesn’t sound like the correct adjective.”

She grins. Her eyes sparkle when she states, “He was a little like you.”

His face tightens. He looks at her as if she just betrayed him. She laughs, and slowly, his face loosens a bit.

“Don’t even joke about it,” he thunders.

“You should have seen your face, you looked constipated!” She gasps between laughs.

“Haha,” he tries saying without intonation, but some amusement filters in. “That was actually your face on the bridge. Like you just shitted yourself.”

“I probably did, but not as much as those agents after you yelled at them.” Her voice grows serious, “What should we do now? We’re shorter on time. If they don’t find anything in Liberio… I thought we’d obtain a lead with The Ripper, but…”

“It was a good plan.”

She turns and buries her face on the mattress. “I just forgot the fact that they want to kill me so badly.”

“Do you have more theories on why?” He takes a pillow and places it on his lap, playing with its threads.

Hange raises her head and switches sideways. “Nothing that disagrees with Armin’s initial conclusion. I was inclined to believe that, because they’d already failed so many times, they would just let me be. I’m not worth so much of their effort, but… The psychological profile of this person is wild. Someone so obsessed with a goal that they don’t care how many people die because of it. They’re smart, a leader, and hold considerable power. Oh! And I think they’ve been preparing for this for some time now.”

“How?”

“Do you remember the attack on Dauper from last year?” Excitement drips from her voice. She doesn’t wait for his answer before continuing, “And around the same day of two years ago, there was another one in a location not unlike the ones where the recent bombs exploded. I think they’ve been testing this plan for some time, and now are just carrying it out. We were just too dumb to link the events. I still don’t know how they got into our lands, though…”

His fingers tighten on the pillow. He knows how they got into Eldia. Erwin’s reproving glare arises from his memories… Yet, Levi’s always been one to trust his intuition, and right now it is compelling him to share the information. The blueish light from the window slides over Hange’s hair as he scrutinizes her. She’s clueless about his inspection, lost in her mind and theories.

Is it a good idea to tell her?

His mouth decides for itself. “Erwin… told me something.”

She stiffens and grimaces. “Oh?”

How much does she know him? Levi wonders, as her face betrayed nothing but aversion when he said his name. She said they met in the conversations Marley started with Eldia to end the war, but could that be true? Why would such a thing elicit that reaction from her?

Is it truly wise to tell her something Erwin labeled as classified?

Levi takes a steeling breath in. “You can’t use this for anything but this mission.”

“I won’t. What is it?”

“He… He told me they believe our bomb arrived by boat.”

“Boat? That’s intriguing.” Slowly, she taps a finger over her mouth. “Boat… any in particular?”

“From the Reeves Company—but apparently, Reeves knows nothing about the bombs, or so he claims.”

“Of course, he doesn’t. Mmm… Liberio is a port, and Reeves… Yes!” She springs to her feet and snatches her phone.

Confusion clouds his head. “What?”

“It could be nothing,” she mumbles while typing on her phone. “I’ll tell you when, or if, I know more.”

She’s so rapt on whatever is on her phone that she doesn’t notice it when Levi hurries to the bathroom. He sits unhealthily on the closed toilet seat, thoughts swirling. Was telling her a good idea? What would his people say if they knew he disclosed a secret to their enemy? Classified information. For all he knows, she could be texting her people that Eldia’s security hole is by the sea. At discovering it, Erwin took matters into his own hands to prevent any future problems, yet they could have missed something. They might not be fast enough.

Maybe he just condoned his entire country.

Don’t do this, he tells himself, stroking his chest. She said she won’t use it for else than this mission. You can trust her.

That’s the thing, isn’t it? He feels he can trust her, but why? He shouldn’t, and has no reason to. She’s an agent, and an excellent one as well. Someone trained to be deceiving—which she has to be, if she possesses the power to be the balancing weight between Marley’s triumph and defeat. He recalls the bright, red letters over her file photo.

Dangerous.

No one in his shoes would dare to put their faith in her. And here he is, losing his sanity after doing exactly that. His fingers twitch on his knees, anxiety routing through them.

Habitually, it takes him months or years to develop trust, if he ever does. So how can he trust her? No, he doesn’t, and never will. But why are his guts constantly urging him to take a chance? He wishes he could loosen up and erase the persistent lurking worries about whether she’ll use his sloppy words against him or kill him in his sleep.

Nevertheless, what if he relaxes, and she does all the things he fears?

He won’t ever hand her that power. He can’t. His duty to his country comes first, always first.

Levi unlocks his phone and dials the only number he ever calls, deactivating the projection feature. He prefers not to be closely watched right now, as Erwin always reads him like a children’s book.

“I was waiting for your report,” is the first thing Erwin says. Levi winces.

“Yeah, sorry. I was waiting to be alone.”

“What happened?”

Levi gives him a summary of the events, emphasizing The Ripper and the bit of information he gave them, and only briefly mentioning Hange. He doesn’t know why he aims to maintain Erwin’s attention away from her, but doesn’t linger on it.

“So… you helped her.” There’s a sharp quality to Erwin’s voice. “One thing is defending yourself and another is jumping from a bridge to save her!”

“I… How do you know about the bridge?” Levi purposefully left that out. “And I wasn’t going to let her die like that. The mission—”

“What do you mean with ‘I wasn’t going to let her die’?” Erwin snaps, strident. “It serves us well. She’s solely one person in a sea of many. For Eldia to win the war, sacrifices are often necessary. So next time, you let them do their job. Don’t kill her, it’d violate our momentary peace. Help them kill her, instead—it can only benefit us in the long run.”

“The world is in danger and she can be of help. I can always eliminate her after this, she—”

“Your orders are clear, Ackerman. You know how important this is, so don’t be weak and falter.”

Weak. That stings. Levi falls into silence, hurt diminished by the fire boiling his blood. There’s no use in explaining why she matters so damn much for this mission; Erwin already stated his superiors’ minds, which are unchangeable. Furthermore, Erwin… Ever since his father died in a marleyan attack, he’s had this dream of Eldia winning. For him, nothing stands above that dream. Not himself, not Marie, and most certainly not the prospect of failing on a mission for the WCO, never mind the repercussions to the world.

“You’re good, Levi,” Erwin says with an abrupt change of tone. “And we appreciate your efforts. You’re the best Eldia has. As your friend, I know you better than anyone else. I get why this is difficult—you’re not used to spending this much time around such a polluted aura. We don’t want to do this either, but there’s no better way. You understand it?”

Levi clicks his tongue. “Whatever. I’ll keep you informed.” He hangs up, lips curling. Erwin’s words repeat in his head like a recording. Help them kill her… Weak… You’re good…We appreciate your efforts… He bares his teeth.

The one planning Hange’s demise is making Eldia’s authorities very pleased, Levi muses. For once in his entire life, he’s sure that his people are wrong.

Out of the door, the room is quiet. Maybe Hange’s choking with her pillow and he’s letting her die. Would the pigs from his government and Erwin be satisfied, then?

Levi feels compressed by Erwin’s orders and what his gut is yelling fucking loudly at the other side—words that have always been there, but unlike now, tend to be a subtle murmur in the back of his mind. Too fragile to be heard, and even less to make a significant impact.

A knock on the door.

So she’s not dead. What a surprise.

“Levi? Are you alive?” She sounds worried. Worried. Why the hell would she ever be worried about him?

Carefully, he crafts his neutral features and trademark monotone. He’s Ackerman, not Levi—not here. He has to remember that.

He opens the door. As Hange was right behind it, she stumbles back.

Her smile is too wide to bear. “You’re alive!”

Levi rips his gaze from her warm one, her tender expression. His hand grips his phone, palm feeling its angles and hardness, everything that summons his responsibility back at the fore of his mind. Hange must die, and he must assist in it. His superiors have always been wise and have acted for eldians’ best interests. They’re his people. And in the end, they know best.

He collects his bag, positions it closer to his bed, and sits. Pulls his laptop out, opens a new document, and starts typing a more detailed report than the one he communicated to Erwin in their call.

“All is well… right, Levi?” Her smile flickers. He nods, fingers nonstop on the keyboard.

“Your laptop is slow,” she comments, voice closer than he expected. She’s looking at his screen directly beside his shoulder. Levi didn’t hear her move so close. If he was any other person he’d have jumped, but as it is, he doesn’t reveal anything, even when his heart begins beating wildly. “Do you delete the temp files often?”

“The what?”

She gets hold of his laptop and carries it to her bed. He hurries to recover it, but she wags it back and forth, out of his reach.

“Wait!” She flashes her palm at him. “It’s easy and effective! It will take me a minute. Temp files hold data from the past. They could be useful, but they could also be causing you harm, as they slow down your… voila!” She presses a button and carpets vanish from the screen. “Deleted. Now you have a clean start,” she explains, quite content.

Levi stomps his feet until reaching his laptop. “Maybe those files were important. Maybe I needed them!”

Hange frowns. Unsure, she utters, “… Anything holding you back isn’t good to keep. Trust me, it will run faster.”

He snatches his laptop from her and resettles on his bed. He doesn’t want her to touch his things and neither to delete his anything. He doesn’t want her near him, period. Not when he has to aid in her murder.

“I thought… I thought we could watch some episodes of Joan the Slayer together?” She sits cross-legged on her bed, facing him. Shows him her laptop screen. “I have some episodes downloaded. As we can only wait for Nana to call now, I thought that… Or we can watch a movie! I have tons and—”

“I don’t want to watch a shitty movie,” he rejects, aware that he sounds a little brusque. He clamps his headphones over his ears.

“Ah! Sure. Sure, I get it.” She fidgets with her sheets. “I’ll… I’ll sleep now, I guess?”

His gaze wanders to her as she lies down and turns on her side with her back to him. The words on the report blend before his eyes, full of typos. He deletes all the nonsense he’s been writing for the past few minutes and faces the blank page. Starts typing again with a hint of irritation.

While writing, he can’t overlook how easily she’s able to sleep with her back to him.

Levi finishes the report and turns off his laptop. Puts it aside and closes his eyes, headache returning with full force. His consciousness dims until he falls asleep.

The crash reached his ears, as well as the thud of her body landing on the ground.

Something inside of him paralyzed. Didn’t start functioning again until perceiving the slow rise and fall of her breathing.

She was alive.

His eyes turned into slits of anger. This was Kenny’s fault, all of this!

“Armin! You take care of Hange!!” He commanded before chasing these bastards. After the collapse of the cave and the subsequent recovery of Eren, they found themselves following a massive titan. Hange was being carried in a cart, but even when hurt, she was unable to stop talking and contributing to their task.

As he rode his horse in front of the cart, glimpsing occasionally, he couldn’t avoid a foreboding. At that moment, he knew that no matter what happened to her or his friends, he wouldn’t be able to help much if it interfered with their duty.

Their duty was the most important thing, and should always come first… right?

The loud ringing wakes him up. It isn’t yet morning. Levi looks around the dim room, trying to spot the source of such a disturbing noise. Its insistence pierces his ears; it stops and starts all over again. He squints at his phone—four in the morning, according to his overly bright screen. His phone isn’t the annoying machine attempting to kill his ears. He takes the phone next to it on the bedside table and slides the green circle to the side, finally ending the ringing.

He glances at Hange, but her low snores don’t fluctuate. He puts the phone against his ear.

“Hello?”

She must be really tired, because his voice doesn’t wake her, either. But then again, almost dying makes you that.

“Who is this?”

Levi recognizes the voice. “Mike. It’s Ackerman.”

“What did you do to Zoe?!”

Levi exhales. “She’s sleeping.” He better has an excellent reason to wake him up like this.

Mike’s voice turns gloomy. “Wake her up, then. Something happened.”

“Is it important?”

Silence fills the line for so long that Levi assumes he hung up. But eventually, Mike sniffles, “There was another explosion and… I’d arrived earlier to prepare everything and… was going to pick them up… I should have come sooner but… And now they’re dead.”

[kabookiii]

AOT 139

Spoilers warning

The chapter left me with a bitter feeling. After taking some time to reflect and think about it these are my interpretations of events. 

Why is Mikasa alone?

After Eren died, Mikasa is holding Eren’s remains and lets Armin know where Eren will be buried and disappears. She had to disappear in order to be able to bury Eren or else the surviving humans (Marleyans non-eldians) wouldn’t easily let her go which was proven when they raised their guns against Armin and company. Armin took the blame for killing Eren in order to protect Mikasa and to be able to become the ‘hero’ of humanity. As the hero of humanity Armin would be able to hold diplomatic talks to bring lasting peace. If Mikasa would’ve been known to be the one to kill Eren then she probably would’ve been threatened by the Yeagerists and wouldn’t be able to live in Paradis peacefully. Armin probably couldn’t return to Paradis right away because the Yeagarists saw him as a traitor and Armin had the duty to build relationships with the world to bring peace- he has to make sure Eren’s death wouldn’t be in vain. Another possible reason Mikasa didn’t leave Paradis herself is because as she saw Paradis was still threatened she decided to remain to protect her hometown and the place Eren’s remains rested. She wanted to stay to protect the place she called home. Time had to pass by for things to settle down. After 3 years, diplomatic talks are occurring as Armin and company are ambassadors that are going to Paradis to hold diplomatic discussions with Historia. After 3 years, Mikasa and Eren (his remains) will be reunited with their friends. 

What was the point of Historia’s pregnancy?

Historia got pregnant to save herself from turning into a titan. Eren let her know that the Paradis government wanted Historia to turn into a titan so she could eat Zeke because they didn’t trust Zeke. Historia herself suggested that she should get pregnant to gain more time not Eren. If she got pregnant then the government couldn’t force her because they needed to secure the royal bloodline. Eren told her about the rumbling to give her another option (she didn’t have to become breeding livestock) since he would activate the rumbling  there was no need for her to make that choice. However, in my opinion Historia didn’t want to risk it so she decided to get pregnant to keep herself save. She didn’t support the rumbling at that time. Historia looking out for herself is something Ymir taught her- to become more selfish and not always be ready to die and sacrifice herself. Ymir was Historia’s true love so Ymir had great influence over Historia’s character. Based on Eren’s character he wouldn’t have a child with anyone if he knew he was going to die and leave the child without a father. To him Historia being forced to bear children was robbing her of her freedom (becoming breeding livestock which he was against) so he wouldn’t do that to her. In the end Historia chose that option herself at least and no one forced her to. 

Why does Eren have an emotional breakdown?

The clothes Eren is wearing when he tells Armin that he wants to live and be with Mikasa is the same clothes he was wearing the day he told Mikasa he hated her. Eren lied to Mikasa that day and now in chapter 139 we are able to know Eren’s true feelings that he felt inside. What he told Armin is probably what he wanted to tell Mikasa that day but in the end he never did. He never told Mikasa that he loved her because he wanted Mikasa to move on and not hold her to him emotionally. Armin is his best friend and the only person he could confide in his true emotions- the only person he could have a breakdown with. Eren said all this in the past as Armin is remembering his words now that Eren is dead. Eren chose to let Mikasa go after all. It was painful for Eren to give up his true desires but he did it in the end to save his friends. 

Why is Mikasa the one to save Ymir from painful love?

This is my interpretation. Mikasa is an Ackerman but also holds Eldian blood. She is more powerful than the average Eldian, loyal in character and loves deeply. Ymir probably resonated with Mikasa because Mikasa had the power to chose for herself which path to take. As both being Eldian, Ymir was able to see Mikasa’s choices (past, present, future and alternate realities/dreams) and since she couldn’t be brainwashed as Mikasa is also an Ackerman she was someone Ymir couldn't influence- all was Mikasa’s free will. One path for Mikasa was to give in to love and her true desires but at the price that Eldians would continue to be titans which was shown in Chapter 138. If Mikasa and Eren ended up together and ran away together then nothing would change and the curse would continue. Eren wasn’t happy with that outcome as he felt guilt over it and Mikasa herself wasn’t truly happy either. The other choice was for Mikasa to sacrifice her love for the greater good. Why did the curse of Ymir continued for generations? King Fritz commanded the daughters of Ymir to eat Ymir to carry on the titan power. It was King Fritz- the person Ymir loved and was loyal to- who wished for the titans to continue to exist at the cost of humanity. Ymir saw through Mikasa that one must not be blind by love- Mikasa ended up killing the person she loved the most to save humanity. Mikasa freed herself from the shackles of love for the greater good at the cost of her happiness. Ymir had to put an end to King Fritz’ wish to continue carrying on the titan powers so she had to free herself from the painful love and loyalty she had to King Fritz for the greater good of all Eldians. Yes, it is odd that Ymir loved her oppressor but love itself is not always rational.  Obviously Mikasa’s and Eren’s relationship is NOT at all similar to Ymir’s and King Fritz’s- only parallel is between Ymir and Mikasa. I still wished we got Ymir’s perspective but I’m guessing we never will as Isayama decided to leave it with only Ymir knows why Mikasa saved her to leave it as a ‘mystery’. 

[levis-pink-tea]

Traitor

chapter two

summery: it has been a little over 5 years since you left Marley and since wall maria fell. now as your friends fight for their lifes in Trost your doing all you can to get back and help save them. 

It's been two years since your friends started as cadets. Today was supposed to be an amazing day for them. The 104th cadets had just graduated. You were able to watch all of them come so far since they began training.  Each One of them was strong and had the ability to be in any regiment. You were surprised when most of them had told you they wanted to join the Military police. You knew even if Eren was the top of his class he'd join you. He had a goal and he needed to be a scout to succeed. When you had overheard that Annie wanted to join the MP you feared for your new found home. The armor and colossal may be strong but the female titan is equally as strong especially when it comes to speed. You could remember the training back in Marley and how Annie could always outrun you so you trained and trained to get faster until one day you finally did pass her.

 Yet in her eyes you never stopped running. You kept going all the way to the enemy. The truth was when it came to you Annie she wasn't cold or distant. She was kinder to you and more open. You were like her sister. She didn't get why you left her there or why you just kept running from her.

It had been so long since you thought about that training so why were you thinking of it now of all times? You were putting your saddle on your horse so you could leave on a reconnaissance mission. “Y/n are you okay your crying?” Petra said as she walked over to you to hand your reins. You didn't know when you started crying or why. You dried your tears and took the reins from Petra ``yeah i’m okay I just thought of a friend who I haven't talked to for a while” you said sipping the leather on to your horse. She rubbed your back a little and asked if you wanted to talk about it “im okay Petra don't worry. I just think my friend is pretty mad at me.”  you walked alongside her leading your horses out of the stables and to the captain and the commander. As Erwin gave you all your orders you couldn't help but wonder if Annie really did hate you for leaving. Deep down you hoped she didn't or that at least one day she'd understand why you left.

As the scouts rode down to the gates you were riding between Hange and Levi. Scanning the crowds of people you searched for your friends and smiled when your eyes were met with Armin’s blue ones. You waved to them and promised to yourself that when you got home you'd congratulate all of them for graduating last night.

Levi had grumbled something about what someone from the crowd said. You didn't pay any mind to the dark haired man's grumbling until Hange told Levi to lighten up. “Oh Hange, leave the captain be you know no matter what his fans love that scary scowl he's too pretty to be scary to them” you said with a giggle. You weren't wrong anytime you were with Levi and someone said something about him; it always seemed to be comments about how strong he is or how handsome he is.  

Levi glared at you for your comment “can you two not act like the same person we only need one abnormal not two Y/n” he said as he turned away from you two.

 “Did he just call you a abnormal?” you asked Hange

 “yes yes he did”

“Rude”

Your mission wasn't going perfect or anything but it wasn't going horrible either. As expected many soldiers fell. You were in Hange’s section, always there to assist her or any comrades. You could fly around like Levi and take titans down like him too. Hange always thought you were like Levi in many ways not just because of your strength but because you felt strongly about all the  fallen soldiers you knew much like her did. But you were quick witted and smark like Erwin and in many ways you were like her as well. As you flew around a corner taking down a titan you told the two soldiers behind you to take down the ones behind the one you were going for. It was at times like this that Hange saw all of them in you and how they helped shape you into who you are. You were truly strong and one day she could see you being a commander like Erwin.

You thought you'd be out on this mission much longer but Erwin rode up to where you were and said you were pulling out and going back to the walls. “Titans are attacking the wall just like they did five years ago” Erwin said as you got on to your horse and went to Levi to get him and his squad as well.

As you rode back to the wall you began to feel sick. You were worried for your friends and god were you mad at the ones you used to call friends. You didn't understand how they could do this. They made friends here and made friends with the other scouts who they now were killing. You knew that this had to be their doing there was no other way trost could fall.

“y/n '' Erwin said as he let his horse slow down slightly to ride next to you. “Everything will be alright.” you didn't think you could see the panic on your face but then again Erwin knew you best. Maybe he just knew you were thinking about your friends. 

“I'm just concerned Commander,” you said, looking ahead of you. Trost was still quite far away. “I know  they're strong but I cherish them.” ''You're scared. You're acting just like you did during your first mission, ``Erwin said looking ahead of him. He started to remember that first mission. You were scared as could be and on the way back you rode on the back of Erwins horse. You could remember crying and hiding your face in his back so none of the others could hear your sobbing. Only you knew why you were truly crying. Your home did this to all those people. All those titans you had watched eat people and kill those soldiers were people once too. 

That night you spent in Hange’s room as she tried to help calm you. You cried to her about how you wished you could have saved them. Your comrades and anyone that have died because of the titans. 

 “Do I look that sacred?” you asked. The commander nodded as you took a deep breath. ‘They'll be alright’ you thought to yourself and loosened your grip on your reins not realizing how tight you were holding them until then. 

“Your friends are strong. I'm sure they'll be okay. I hear a few of them want to join us” Erwin’s horse began to pick up pace and so did yours. You could almost always be found riding back by Erwin or Petra. Petra had become like your sister and you held her dearly so riding back with her was comforting. It was the same when it came to Erwin as well. He was like a father to you.   You nodded and told him about how it's always been Eren’s goal to be a scout, how Mikasa was fast and strong like Levi and how Armin is a lot like him.  The two of you spoke in a hush tone for most of the ride back.

As you all approached the walls you did all you could to calm yourself. The hole that you saw was definitely done by the colossal you didn't understand Bertholdt but right now understanding him was your last priority. Right now all that mattered was saving the people. You'd have to try and understand them later. 

“Prepare yourself soldiers!” Erwin shouted. You heard Levi approach you. “Y/n follow me” he said, shooting himself over the wall. You followed right after standing on the back of your horse and shooting yourself over while the others went to another entrance to Wall Rose in order to join the rest of the garison and help save everyone. 

When you came over the wall out of the corner of your eye you saw the three you grew up with ripping something off of someone you had assumed that maybe their gear was damaged and they were taking a lost comrades to help them survive. That when you heard it. You heard yelling and watched as the three of them ran away from a now defenseless person. You debated going to the person but saw a titan coming near. You knew you couldn't save them no matter how badly you wanted to.

You landed on top of the boulder that was now placed in the wall to close the large hole. Levi took down two titans as you noticed your friends. sliding down the boulder yelling for them “Mikasa! Armin!” landing safely on your feet you ran to them“where's Eren?”  Armin lifted the boy a little to show you they had him. your eyes widened as you looked behind you then back at Armins arms. ‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding’ you thought. Grisha was a disgusting man. He did this to his son and you were just now realizing it. The mission that the three Marleyan’s were sent on was a mission to get Eren. “fuck” you mumbled quietly as Levi landed on top of a dead titan and told them to explain what hes looking at. 

 This couldn't be happening. Eren, one of your best friends, had been forced to be a titan shifter by his dad. What kind of man would do that to his son? When Eren was taken somewhere by the military police you decided to look for your other friends. When you found them all you were relieved that they were okay. You thought all of them were at least. You scanned the group again realizing someone was missing. You found all of them except Marco. Your heart sank. Maybe he was just injured or not nearby. You hoped and prayed the soldier you didn't go to try and save wasn't Marco. Yet after all the remaining titans in Trost were killed your heart broke as you found out it was Marco that they killed.

You didn't want to be the ones to find Marcos' body. But here you were standing next to Jean as he began to shake. You could barely understand jeans mumbling. “Jean, breathe please” you said, feeling a tear slip down your cheek. You looked over to the lady who was now asking for his name. Once Jean had told her and she walked away you wrapped your arms around Jean hugging him tightly. He didn't say anything and neither did you. He  wrapped his arms around your waist hugging you tightly. Marco was one of his best friends and he is gone now.

You decided to leave Jean with Connie and went looking for the three people you used to be so close with. You saw Annie staring at the ground and you tighten your hand into a fist and approached her as Reiner and Bertholdt walked over to her not knowing you were right there. “Leonhart!!” you shouted approaching the blonde. When her eyes met yours she was met with a look that was filled with anger. “You fucking bitch!” you shouted as you took a swing at her.

The hit never landed as Reiner caught your fist before you could hit Annie. “All three of you are horrible fucking people!” you shouted as you pulled your fist away from Reiner. “Y/n what are you talking about?” he asked as trying to approach you but you wouldn't let him get too close. You pulled away when he reached for you.

“How dare you! You killed Marco and god knows how many soldiers! You have no right to stand there and wear those jackets! Do you know how many people's blood is on all three of your hands? To many to fucking count!” luckily for them no one was around to hear your shouting. Reiner reached for you again trying to get you to stop yelling. You slapped his hand away “dont fucking touch me Reiner none of you fucking touch me” you looked over to Behrtolt “ and you how dare you break those walls! What the hell is wrong with you!!”

You of all people knew this was part of their mission. You should have been in Annie's shoes originally. You were supposed to be the female titan who was trying to go after Eren. Not her. Annie knew you knew she just didn't get why you were so upset. “Will you stop yelling y/n '' she said walking towards you.

You took a step back “I said dont touch me Annie.” you spat at her. Reiner grabbed one of your small hands with his  large one. “You know this is part of our mission Y/n'' Reiner knew he'd never be seen the same way by you now.  He was just trying to grab you to hug you. They killed Marco and it hurt him. He was friends with Marco and he helped kill him. It hurt. You could tell he regretted it but didn't care. 

“Don't you dare say my name you traitor” you said before looking at the other two marleyans “you are all murderers. I hope you know you killed an innocent boy and ruined the lives of hundreds of families even if you did take down any titans you're still murders” you said as you walked away in tears. You heard Reiner screaming your name and trying to follow you “stop following me Reiner or so help me god”

He grabbed your arm to stop you from walking away “no you disappeared for 2 years and those are the first words you say to all of us? It's been 5 damn years. Your marleyan to you know we had to. You killed titans y/n doesn't that make you just as bad as us?” 

“I may be marelyan but I'm nothing like you. You're the one who wouldn't go with me, you're the one who broke wall rose and my heart. You and those other two are the reason most of what they know as humanity is dead. You're the reason my friend is dead right now. I don't want to talk to you ever again. Leave me alone Reiner” you tried to yank your arm away but his grip was too strong.  “No i won't just leave you alone dammit come back home with us” you tried again to pull away from him “i'm never going back” you said as you slapped him. The red hand print forming on Reiner's face started to sting.

“Let her go Reiner , she doesn't want to talk to you so get your hands off her” Jean said as he and Connie began to walk over to you four. You hoped they hadn't heard too much of what you said. You may hate those three but  you feared Jean would hate you too if he knew. He smirked under the bandana wrapped around his face as he noticed the red hand print on reiners face.

Connie chuckled a little “damn she must have hit you hard” he said removing one of his long gloves and drying off your cheeks. You started crying again at some point. “Come on jean lets go” he said as he started to walk away with you. Jean shot Reiner a death stare for a moment before following after you two. 

“You okay y/n?” Jean asked as he wrapped an arm around you.  You nodded softly as the three of you walked somewhere you could sit and drink water. While the three of you sat you rested your head on Connie's shoulder as he ran his hand through your hair. It made you smile that those two were so kind to you and that they would do whatever they could to comfort you. 

That night you ate dinner with the now graduated cadets. You made sure to congratulate all of them. You gave Armin a little longer of a hug then everyone else. He was still so shaken up and he was worried about Eren. He had been taken into custody almost immediately.  Mikasa was shaken up but not like Armin was. When you congratulated Jean and Connie you gave them both a little kiss on the cheek as a thank you. You didn't notice the light blush on their cheeks. 

The following day the commander knocked on your door wanting to speak with you. When you heard the knock and opened the door you were a little concerned to why Erwin was there and so was levi. “Hi Erwin hi Levi” you said, setting down the book you were reading and letting them in.

They both sat at a little table in your room while you sat on your bed. “y/n we need to ask you some questions about doctor Yeager '' Erwin said  looking at you he seemed more serious than any other time the two of you talked. They spent quite a while speaking to you about Grisha and what you knew about the family. You didn't know much about him or what he did but you knew he had secrets and that not even Eren knew those secrets no one did other than Grisha. 

It was a few days later when you saw Erwin and Levi again they were walking past your room. You followed after them “Commander Erwin can I go with you and captain Levi to speak with Eren today” you asked approaching the two men.

The commander looked at you. When your eyes meet his blue ones you are met with a look that asks you for forgiveness. “I’m sorry y/n but I can’t allow that. Only Captain Levi and I can go'' you frowned softly as he spoke. You just want to ensure he was okay but you understood that because of what happened you can’t accompany them. 

“Is it alright if I go check on my other friends then?” You looked the shorter of the two and smiled softly as he nodded a quick yes. “Thanks guys let me know if erens okay please?”  Erwin smiled softly at you and nodded. He had seen you go through quite a bit so seeing you smile always made him feel a little happier. You had grown so much since they had saved you. All of them notice your growth. 

You couldn't find Hange that day either so you decided to spend the day with your friends from the 104th. Well at least the ones you could find Armin and Mikasa were nowhere to be found either.

You found the group after about 20 minutes of search and walked over to them “hey guys” you said sitting next to Sasha. “I brought a snack to share but don't tell captain Levi '' you took the treat out of your pocket and split it between you,Sasha, Jean, Connie, Christa and Ymir.

The group of cadets kept you distracted for most the day at least until you found out Eren's trial was today. That's why the commander wouldn't let you go see him. Even if he could let you, he was in the hands of the military police, not the scouts. You were glad to hear that Eren got placed in the custody of the scouts. Petra was the one who told you Eren got placed in their custody.

You spent days thinking about the memory you had about Annie. You had finally remembered why you started to cry that day. The day you finally started to beat Annie when you were training as kids was the day you two started to lose your connection. You kept beating her and the more you did the bigger the wall between the two of you got. 

“Annie come on race me please” you begged the blonde as you tried to get her to run with you instead of training with Bertholdt. “Fine but if i beat you i get the treat your mom packed you” she said. The two of you took off after that and before Bertholdt knew it you made it back before Annie.

That was so long ago now you were 10 when that happened and never thought it would have ruined your friendship. While you loved your friendship with her you were okay with it being gone now. Now you had Christa and Sasha to be your new friends so maybe things aren't all that bad.

It wasn long after that when you were able to see Eren again. Eren and Hange got to where the two titans known as Sawney and Bean where spouse to be being held but once they arrived both titans had been killed. You saw Eren with his hood up and waved to him a little. He didn't seem to be mad or anything, just confused. You were just glad to see he was safe.

You waited for your friends while they got their ODM gear checked to see who killed Sawney and Bean. so much was happening for them today. Not only did their ODM gear have to be checked today and they had to choose a regiment. Once all their gear was checked you walked with them to their headquarters and said goodbye for the day. You'd see them that night. They all seemed so distant and hurt but you knew these past few days were so hard. 

That night as Erwin stepped on to the stage to speak to the cadets you stood right beside him. Erwin was always so good with speeches and you knew even this speech despite what had happened a week ago he'd be able to pull some people to join the scouts. You just didn't expect him to bring up going on a mission to Eren's childhood home. You held up a map as Erwin spoke about one of your next missions. 

When Erwin said that anyone who wished to join other regiments may leave, you were surprised to see all of your friends standing in front of all of you. Jean didn't tell you he was going to join the scouts no one did. You knew Connie was going to. You were the first person he told before you went on your mission. Everyone who was in the top had wanted to join the MP that's what they told you yet here they were. “Well commander these numbers are much better than we thought aren't they?” you said before saluting with him. “Yes, these are much better numbers than expected.”

You weren't happy they all joined you knew what being a scout meant. Anytime you left the walls there was no promise you'd come back alive. You knew though that they'd do everything in their power to come back alive and so would you.  A few days later as you  watched your friends put on the scout uniforms brought you many feelings, dread, hope, fear, comfort and hope. You knew that they could save humanity and change the world. 

[goldenkirstein]

somewhere only we know

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

chapter two: don't know where, don't know when

pairing: jean x gn! reader, mikasa ackerman x gn! platonic! reader

wc: 2.2k+

tags: angst, fluff, aot manga spoilers, mention of food/drink, mentions of death.

a/n: chapter two !! finally done my exams, this took me a while to finish but hopefully it sounds good and you enjoy it !! feedback is always appreciated

prev. ✭ next

series masterlist

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

The shrill noise of the kettle broke you out of your thoughts.

You reached over to the cupboard situated next to the stove, taking two tiny teacups alongside a teapot and set them down on the countertop. Hands moving like clockwork, you grabbed the loose leaf tea jar and placed two spoonful's in the teapot. Your hand moved to grasp the small cotton cloth from the counter, swiftly pouring the hot water into the teapot before placing the kettle back to cool down.

You chuckled at the sight in front of you; the teaware set adorning your family crest, the piece of cotton bearing the Azumabito clan’s symbol, and the tea blend was an old Braus family recipe. The entire house was like this, a mish-mash of objects from here and there, never truly fitting in where they were. You began setting up the small table, placing the teapot and teacups down. The raucous noise of the wooden chair scraping against the floor made you grimace.

Your fingers began to trace the delicate needlework on the cloth, occasionally catching on raised bumps of threads. It was the work of a skilled artisan as well as an amateur. Mikasa and her mother.

Waiting for Mikasa to return from her bath, your fingers traced the embroidered emblem, you began to get lost in your thoughts once again.

“Is the tea ready?” Mikasa’s soft voice interrupted your repetitive movements.

You quickly set down the cloth and shot her a kind smile. “Yeah, come sit.” You poured out the tea in her cup before pouring out a cup for yourself.

She accepted your invitation, sitting opposite you. The woman began scooping spoonfuls of sugar in her tea, an old habit from training years. You remembered how you once mistakenly took her cup, thinking it was yours until you took a sip and immediately spat out the sickeningly sweet liquid. The others and she wouldn’t stop laughing at you until Captain Levi had come and threatened you all, bearing that stone-cold expression that struck fear in your bones. How was he doing?

“Are you okay? You seem out of it today.” Mikasa looked at you; worried expression etched into her face, eyebrows scrunched together.

Your fingers circled the teacup, and you let out a sigh looking down at the fragrant liquid. You could lie, tell Mikasa you’re okay; knowing her, she wouldn’t prod you any further with questions. Though she would spend all night thinking about you, and you didn’t want to worry her. Option two was scarier, in your opinion; you could open up and tell her what was troubling you, Mikasa would undoubtedly be concerned, but she would appreciate your candidness.

Taking a deep breath in, you glanced back at the girl before your eyes landed on the frame behind her. “I’m just anxious about tomorrow,” you let out a nervous chuckle, eyes meeting Mikasa’s again.

“I already told you, we’re all a little different. It’s nothing-”

“No, it’s not that; I- what if they hate me? Mikasa, what if he hates me.” Your eyes shifted between the frame and Mikasa’s, voice coming out as a whisper.

She took a sip of her tea. Your name slipped out of her mouth in a tired sigh, “they would never, and Jean isn’t like that. He could never hate you.”

The framed picture behind Mikasa was of the scouts on their expedition to Marley. Sasha had pulled the lot of you inside the cramped shop, begging all of you to take a photograph. She had said that you all needed to document the momentous occasion; who knew when the opportunity would come again. Your beaming faces contrasted the scowl the Marleyan had on his face when you all crowded in his tiny shop. Commander Hange had even managed to get the Captain to join in, and subconsciously you thanked Sasha and Hange for their pestering. Who would have known that it would be one of the last times you would see them alive and breathing, that after that night, everything would change.

You noticed Mikasa’s soft smile in the picture, and Eren-who stood behind her, was looking at her instead of the box camera. Armin had his arm around Eren’s shoulders, and Jean and Connie were next to him, directly behind you. Your eyes trailed down Jean’s arm; it rested on your shoulder. You were sandwiched in between the Captain and Sasha, head resting on her shoulder. All of you were giving your best smiles, save for Eren. He was living through his hell, and the rest of you were oblivious to it. How could you have known?

He had stayed behind with you at the photographer’s studio after everyone had left to visit the other shops Marley had to offer. The both of you walked around, observing the various framed pictures the Marleyan had hung up to advertise his work.

Jean trailed softly behind, watching as your fingers traced and lingered on the stained brass frame.

“What do you suppose their stories were?” You turned your head, smiling at the boy behind you. He approached you, his finger and thumb hooked under his chin, as he thought of a story for the people seated in the photograph. You waited for him to amuse you with his foolish tall-tales, noticing that Jean screwed his eyes as he intently examined each person in the picture.

He raised his eyebrows, a grin breaking out on his face; he flickered his eyes to yours, “they’re a South-Marleyan family hiding a terrible secret. They’re those godforsaken Island Devils.” He leaned in to whisper in your ear.

You pulled away, head whipping back to see if the photographer had heard; thankfully, he was preoccupied with developing your photos. You spun back around to hiss at Jean, “You can’t just say that, you dipshit! What if he heard!”

Jean laughed at your stressed state, “Well, you don’t need to worry; he didn’t.”

You began to walk away from him, but before you could get far, he reached out and wrapped his fingers around your wrist.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry, please don’t be mad at me.” You looked back at him, his eyes pleading for you to stay.

You relaxed your shoulders and rolled your eyes at him, “wonder what shitty story you’ll come up with for our picture.”

“Brave heroes, their valiant efforts saved the world, and they were given mountains of gold and the finest wines possible to repay them for their kind acts.” He pulled you closer to him, and you giggled at his antics. “Oh yes, and one soldier more extraordinary than the rest-”

“Obviously, that’s me.” You quickly cut him off, silencing him with your remark. You gave a quizzical look at the boy, who was now sporting a noticeable blush.

He sharply inhaled and gave a smile, opening his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, the Marleyan shop owner began to talk, “Your jibber-jabbering is getting in the way of my work. If you’re not buying anything else, leave my store.”

Jean took your hand in his and offered the man a quick apology before pulling you out of the shop with him.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t held your hand before, and yet the simple action sent your heart fluttering. His hands were warm and his grip tight; you wanted to melt into his touch and never let go.

However, the moment was cut short, as once you were out of the shop, Jean promptly let go of your hand, apologetic eyes meeting yours, “didn’t mean to pull your hand, sorry ‘bout that.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

You flexed your hand to shake off the feeling of his slender fingers against the back of your palm. He didn’t want to hold your hand back then; would he want to now? Why were you desperately clinging onto that memory of him?

“Do you regret coming back with me?” Mikasa’s soft voice broke you out of your trance.

“No, God no. Don’t say that. If I had to go back and have the possibility to make a different choice, I would still go with you.” You looked straight at her, gaze conveying your unwavering resolve.

You brought your hands up to your face to rub your tired eyes. “I don’t regret coming with you. I just never got to see them one last time, and I don’t know, how do I face them?” You let out a frustrated sigh. “Before, I could at least say that, hey, these are your friends, you know them better than anyone else, but now-”

You shook your head and set your eyes upon the chestnut cabinet directly underneath the picture frame. “It’s like I’ve been iced out.” You raised an accusatory finger at the cabinet which was situated under the picture frame. “Three whole years and the only reason I know Jean's even with the rest of them is because of Armin.”

Inconspicuously placed, the cabinet blended into its surroundings; for the most part, it held dishes, pots and pans alongside any other trinkets that didn’t have a place to belong. However, in one of its chipped and worn drawers, tucked away under a false bottom, were several letters addressed to a Miss. Mikasa Ackerman from a distant relative in Hizuru. These letters, of course, were actually from a Mr. Armin Arlert, from Marley, detailing updates about the peace talks that involved him, the other scouts and the ex-warriors. The letters were always short and concise, never revealing too much, as a protective measure. The exact reason for why you had stashed them in a hidden compartment; to ensure that if these letters ever fell in the hands of Yeagerists, that they would not be able to grasp the entirety of what Armin’s plans were. However, it also meant you were left to fill in the missing pieces, also missing the whole story.

“I miss him, but who exactly am I missing? We’re both different people now, and I don’t know if I’m ready to face that.” You waited for a response from the dark-haired girl in front of you.

“That head of yours is your worst enemy.” You scoffed at her statement.

“Just listen to me for once, please?” Mikasa tentatively reached over to wrap her hands around yours.

“I understand that you’re scared; I am too. But you can’t keep getting lost in the ‘what if’s’ of a situation. Tell me, how long have we known Jean?”

“Eight, no, ten years?” You sighed, wondering where she was taking this.

“And tell me in those ten years has he ever decided anything without understanding other perspectives?”

“No, well-”

“Fights with Eren do not count.” Her eyebrows quirked up before she continued. “Jean is one of the most caring and compassionate men I know. He would want to know why you left before ever being absolutely positive that he hated you. Not that he would, he adores you; I’m sure of it even after all these years.”

In a way, she was right; you were making assumptions about his character despite knowing him for so long. Yet the nagging thought persisted in your mind. The only way to resolve it would be to speak with him, which brought upon another challenge. Even if he didn’t hate you, how would you gain the courage to talk to him after all this time?

“Your tea is cold. No point in drinking it now.” Mikasa stood up to clear the table, but you swiped it from her, giving her a weak smile before she could grab the cup.

You wrapped fingers around the teacup; the porcelain no longer radiated the heat from the liquid and felt cool to the touch. Mikasa watched you as you walked over to place the teacup on the kitchen counter. Her fingers skimmed over to grab the cloth with her family symbol ingrained on it.

“Mika, I don’t tell you this often, and I should, but thank-” Before you could finish your sentence, there was a knock at your door. Mikasa gave you a confused look; it was too early for the others to be arriving, so who could it be?

You hesitantly approached the door; the both of you rarely got visitors. Occasionally the Braus’ would come by, but even then, the family would let you know before they visited. Twisting the handle, a sheepish-looking young man met your gaze as you opened the door.

“Hand-deliverance of a letter from Her Majesty, Queen Reiss.” You stared at the boy wide-eyed, whipping your head back to look at Mikasa; she shared the same shocked expression.

Mumbling a quick thank you, you closed the door after the boy departed. The letter felt heavy in your hands; neither of you had spoken to Historia in “official” accordance. What could the Queen want?

Mikasa hurriedly made her way over to you, “what does the letter say?” She urged you to break the wax seal which hid the contents of the ever-elusive letter.

“The queen wishes to have us join her for dinner at her home.” You looked over at Mikasa before continuing to read the letter, “she wants us to bring Armin and the others as well.”

a/n: jean is coming dw, ik yall are waiting for that anddd ik that there hasn't been a lot of romance-y parts but there will be !! i would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter and the series !! I am hoping to get these chapters out weekly thats the unofficial-official schedule as of rn

taglist: @httpglxssy, @keijikunn, @clean-soap, @lin-xoch

tagist form in pinned !!

Leave a like/reblog if you enjoyed reading this. I would appreciate it a lot <33

[caesthetix]

SAY A LITTLE PRAYER — Ep. What Paradise Is

↪Eren Yeager mini-series

↪content; major character death, canon universe, heavy angst, description of violence, established relationship, spoiler for season 4, alternate ending, manga spoiler

"You know, I can't help but thank Eren that he killed her that night."

Everyone was busy with themselves after Jean beat Reiner to a pulp. The rest of them who were still awake, circling the campfire, waiting for sleepiness to engulf them. But that sentence was enough to stop them from dozing off, some pairs of eyes decided to fall upon them instead.

Hange tried to be neutral all the time. They needed to be the mediator between the Marleyans and the rest of the Survey Corps. After all, they needed each other if they wanted to stop the rumbling. Yet they couldn't help but speak up, they were human too after all.

"Huh?" It was Connie. "What do you mean by that, H-Hange-san?"

They just smiled softly as they looked down, watching their own reflection from the brown liquid in their hand. It was your favourite drink, coffee. Every sip would always be savoured as they imagined you sitting right in front of them.

"But we could use her strength. If she lived, she could help us to sway Eren." Armin spoke up, responding to their statement before. His blue eyes staring at the crackling fire, deep in his thoughts. "When we lost her, we lost seventy-five percent of the chance for winning this without having to harm Eren."

"You tell me that is the reason why he killed her?" The scowl on Connie's face hardened as he tried to connect the dots. "So we can't use her against him, eh? What a coward at the end. That lunatic bastard—"

"She would have followed him."

Mikasa's voice was soft and tiny as she cut his sentence. Yet even though it heard like a whisper, everyone could hear what she said. They blinked in confusion, except Hange and Jean who currently stood a few feet from them, somehow understood. The Marleyan raised their eyebrows in confusion, Annie could not understand what they were all talking about.

The rest of them were begging for more information, but the ravenette didn't give them any.

"She would have followed him."

Instead, she repeated the words. Her friends would understand her sentence — if they decided to use their brains for a while. They all knew you, she didn't have to give any further explanation regarding her statement.

Of course, now they understood why Hange thanked Eren for what he did to you. Even if you were alive right now, you were not going to be here, eating stew and drinking coffee while fretting about how to stop your lover who tried to commit genocide to the whole world.

You were going to be there, by his side, with your swords ready to be pointed out to anyone who tried to stop and harm Eren in any way. You would stand there, devoting your heart not for humanity, but for him. That was how big your love was, something that was blinding you, to the extent of worshipping him.

And they couldn't imagine themselves to be the one who sears their blades at you.

"You never told us, Hange."

Jean's voice filled the void, his feet stomping the grass underneath him, echoing through the quiet night. "That night, you never told us what happened." He stood on the other side of the campfire, his tall body looming in front of them as they seated on the ground.

The brunette stared at the man with a stern gaze, contemplating if it was the right moment to tell them. But their time was limited now, as their friends, they all deserved to know what happened that night.

"Alright." They put the metal cup down their lap. "Though I remind you now, it wouldn't be pleasant but," It even felt so heavy for them, by just thinking about your death. "But it would be so — her."

The veteran scout told them everything. From how you stood in front of their door, the coffee that they shared with you, to the time you cried when they gave you the key so you could go inside his cell. They were sure that you went there to talk and asked for a reason, but they knew thirty minutes wouldn't be enough.

Jean felt bad for asking, as he could see how much the commander suffered from this burden. Hange's hand balled into a fist, the other gripping tight on the cup's handle. Yet they keep on going, telling them how they saw Eren wash his face as if his hands were not stained by his lover's blood.

They explained the bruises on your neck, shaped like fingers as an indicator of how you died.

"Fuck." Jean cursed, his eyes glistening with tears that were threatening to fall. "Fuck." He shouldn't have asked, but it was too late, he could see the horror in your eyes, how afraid you were that night, how you were screaming for help but no one came.

For you to die, and the one who was responsible was your lover, he couldn't imagine the betrayal on your—

"But you know what's funny?" Hange spoke up once again, they were not finished yet. Their comrades immediately looked at them once again, asking for them to continue.

They sipped their coffee, recalling the gleam in your eyes, the comfort that they remembered up until now. There was no terror, you were not afraid of him even in your last moment. "There was no sign of resistance."

And that fact was enough to wake them up.

"Even from the start, when Eren choked her, she just stood there, letting him do it." They chuckled, almost maniacal. "Her eyes still shone with comfort as she looked at him. I-I always figure her out, I understand a lot of things about her. But, but I can't with this one."

They stopped, groaning as once again your eyes were the only thing that they could see. "I don't know anymore if she really believed that he must have to kill her for a reason," His hand shook the cup gently, letting the liquid swirl inside. "Or she believed that he would stop and let her go, even until she's gone for real."

And that last sentence broke them all.

The Marleyan couldn't look at the broken soldiers in front of them. Gabi and Falco pursed their lips, trying so hard to sleep. Annie who was sitting beside the unconscious Reiner, now having her pupils dilated as she understood the story, and who would be the mysterious woman that made them distressed like this.

Connie was silent as he kept gulping down water down his throat. Armin closed his eyes, but he could see it so clearly, the faith in your orbs. Jean just chuckled bitterly, muttering stupid woman again and again as tears were cascading down his cheek.

Then, Mikasa, her lips trembled as she tried not to sob. But whimpers already slipped, her empty cup fell to the ground as she put her hands on her ears as she wanted to stop the noises in her head. You brought joy, even in her life, and to be reminded that you were killed by Eren nonetheless, tore her apart.

The rest of the night was filled with nothing but sorrow. Tears accompanied them all to their sleep, silent weeps and choked-out sobs could be heard here and there.

Hange could only stay put under the white cloth that works as their blanket, staring into the dark green of trees, then went beyond that to see the night blue skies which adorned with stars. They subconsciously raised their hand, as if they were reaching for someone.

“Tell me, Hange!”

They tried to understand him, they really did. When they closed your eyes as you laid on the infirmary bed, they knew that you would appreciate it if they tried to understand why he killed you. Down in the basement, they tried to bait him with your condition, blaming him for how they lost another comrade.

“If there’s another way, then tell me what it is!”

But they were not you, they couldn’t see it. They wanted a reason but all they got from the man was just subtle answers, pain, anger, and how what he did was something inevitable. They just knew that he suffered too from what he had done, so perhaps it was enough.

They just wished — they could understand you.

"Oh, (Y/n)." They sighed, finally letting the tears slip down their cheeks. No one else saw them, it was just their lonely soul and the craving for your existence. "I think I didn’t know you enough."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ༶•┈┈⛧┈〄┈⛧┈┈•༶ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

His vision was supposed to be filled with lights, dark blue lights that came from the coordinate. He used to know it all, see it all, what happened in the world as he activated the rumbling, he could hear all the screams from those people underneath him. Trampled by gigantic power, without given any mercy.

He couldn't remember when it stopped. The terror, his friends fighting him so they could stop his plan — suddenly all he saw was just a bright pinkish sky. It was as if he was laying down on one of the clouds, soft and free.

The breeze tickled his long hair, good that it just swayed his brown strands softly, but not good enough to give him comfort.

Comfort, oh, how much he longed for that word.

The past few days had been so hard as he kept on living to grant freedom to the Island of Paradis. He could not count how many of his comrades died, how many of his followers ended up not seeing that freedom, let alone all the lives that he took.

And now when he knew that he failed, he chuckled as the realisation dawned upon him. After all these years — he was still the same useless boy.

"Eren."

He sat up in an instant. Dark green eyes searching for the source of where it came from. Surely he was not hallucinating, but that was a possibility. He didn't even know what this place, let alone believing that it was her voice.

"Hey, Eren."

But it was indeed your voice. No matter how many days or weeks passed after some time he had to part with you, he could always recognise that voice anywhere. Gentle, warm, and comforting, it felt like he was so close to heaven.

"You are here."

Then he felt it. He felt you. He looked down on his torso, finding two arms wrapped around him from behind. It felt so right as his hand slowly covered yours, testing it in case it was all in his head. But he could touch, he could trace his finger on the back of your hand.

He laughed, just a short one as he still processed what kind of magic existed in this place. You rested your chin on his shoulder, planting a peck on his cheek without warning that caused him to blush a hundred shades of red.

"(Y/n)?" He called out your name. "Are you real?" You only answered with a single hum. "How come are you real? Where is this place? Why am I here? I am not supposed to be here, I needed to finish the plan, Ymir is—"

You shut him up by placing your finger in front of his lips.

"You are free, Eren."

Silence. He could not understand that. Did it mean that he already died? But if that was the truth, why did he even feel more alive now compared to all those years that he spent before?

You slowly retracted your finger, pulling yourself from his embrace as gently as possible. Eren was still deep in thought, hands falling to the cloud-like ground he was sitting on right now. You stood up and walked in front of him, bare feet were now within his eyesight.

He could touch you before, and it didn’t feel like he was hallucinating. He felt your kiss before, and it made him sure that it was real. Bewildered, he looked up only to find you looking forward. Even though he felt that he was finally free, he was still curious about what happened in this moment.

"What is this place?" He asked again, now a lot calmer than before as he gazed at your face which showed nothing but peace.

"A transit." You started, eyes never leaving the glowing sight in front of you. "A place where you are finally free, but still misplaced since it was not the last destination where you should go." He hummed, processing your words that still felt unreal.

"Then why are you here?" All this afterlife thing was so foreign for him. "Why don't you leave and go to your last destination?"

"Oh, boy, you really asking me that?" You chuckled softly, snickering as if that was the dumbest question that you ever heard. Your eyes finally cast down to face him, and when he still looked so confused, you could only let out a sigh. "Because I am waiting for you, Eren."

You smiled wistfully, extending your hand for him to take. "What else could it be at this point?" He took it as he nodded at your answer. You helped him up, letting him stand by himself. And now as he looked around the endless clouds, he could finally embrace the fact that he was indeed — dead.

Anywhere he looked, he could only find the soft, white clouds refreshing the air. The colour was tinted orange as the sun in front of him shone like it would set anytime soon. But it had been perhaps minutes by now, and yet the colour never changed.

If he was finally here to feel his freedom, then he would take it. The world where he lived before was not his responsibility anymore. His friends had won, and it was not his place to ask for what happened next. Yes, he was ready to be free. But as he looked at you, he still had one, unanswered question that he needed to know.

"Hey, (Y/n)." He cleared his throat, melancholy striking his feature as your gaze met with his.

"Yes, Eren?"

How come you are here on his side? Why did you stay in this place alone just to wait for him? He killed you, why are you not running away? There was so much, so many questions that he never dared to ask you. But one, he needed to know the answer to this one question.

"Why don't you fight back when I try to kill you?"

You didn't flinch, you stood there with a neutral expression as if he just asked you if you had eaten before.

"Truthfully, Eren? I always thought that you were just trying to make me hate you. Looking at me with those cold eyes, tightening your grip like that." Your finger subconsciously went to your neck. "At first, I thought you were going to let me go at some point."

He could feel a lump start forming in his throat as he listened, tears were threatening to fall already. That was what you felt that night, you didn’t want to die. Of course, who in the right mind wanted to die? Let alone killed by someone that you loved.

"But as seconds passed and you were not loosening the grip, I understood." Then you continued, your hand now fell back to your side. Though, you still looked at him with earnestness written all over your face. "I understand that you had to kill me for a reason, that you knew it was for the best."

His breath hitched at your statement; which was supposed to make him feel guilty, to make him feel like he was not worthy of your faith. But with how there was no ill will nor sadness in your intonation, he couldn't feel any other feelings except — relief.

"So I believed in you, and I wanted you to know until the end that wherever I go next, I will always devote my heart to you."

You said it without doubt, as if you have been saying the same thing over and over again throughout your life. Yet somehow he could know that it was the truth. Perhaps you said that inside your heart for all the times that you spent with him.

While you still alive, you have put your faith in him, following him anywhere he goes. No one could sway your belief, you were devoted solely just to him. You praised his name, never leaving his side under any circumstances.

And he realised — that was the way you said you loved him.

So now, it was his time to do the same, to believe in you.

"Come on, Eren." You dusted the non-existent wrinkles on your clothes before extending your hand for him to take, a smile never leaving your face as you waited for him patiently. "Let's go home."

And without wasting another second, without any hesitation, he reached for your hand. The smile on your face widened at this, and the wind suddenly twirled around the two of you. He didn't know where home was, he didn't know where you would take him.

But as you started to walk in the direction of the sun, he followed. His eyes looked forward, dark green eyes turned into the emerald shade that was gone before. It was so beautiful, how he walked above the clouds, with your hand around his, guiding him to a new place called home.

Your laugh resonated in his ears as he caught up with you, gripping your hand tighter, afraid that he would lose you if he loosened up. Yet somehow he knew that he wouldn't have to be scared anymore.

Now he was finally free. From the burden on his shoulders, from the duty that was thrown at him by his ancestors, from the endless nightmare that he saw on each vision — it was all gone. And as his gaze fleeted toward your running form, he blinked in astonishment.

He saw you, a younger self of you perhaps, maybe when you were nine or ten. You looked beautiful, even with your hair slightly shorter, with chubby, adorable cheeks. Then you turned to face him, and he saw those glossy beads filled with purity.

And inside those, he saw a reflection. Of a boy not older than ten years old, with a brown outer and a sage green shirt, holding on to someone. Oh, it was him. He looked so free as he ran side by side with you, he looked so free with you leading him to his new home.

Laughter filled the air that surrounded you and him; high-pitched, carefree laughter that people would hear when children ran around the street to catch one another. That happy laugh slipped from both of your lips.

He held your hand tighter, not because he was afraid to lose you, but so he could feel your love even more. He ran with you faster, now becoming the one who followed you as he believed that you were going to take him somewhere, to the last destination.

A place where he could finally be free.

With you.

↪Back to Wall Maria

↪Citizen; @queenofcurse

↪Send an ask if you want to be a citizen of Paradis (taglist)!

[free-pancakes]

just a lil mikasa pov drabble for @smallblip ☺️💕

—————

Mikasa walked the halls carefully—she wanted to talk to Eren. She knew she wasn’t supposed to, that he was to be detained and isolated from her and Armin after the attack on Liberio. But with Armin busy talking to Annie and now that Sasha...

Well, she simply wanted to see Eren, see if there was anything she could do to bring him back, to be the boy she knew all those years ago.

As she snuck through the quiet hallway, she heard a gut-wrenching sigh, someone sliding down slowly to the floor. The sound came from just outside Eren’s holding cell. Mikasa peeked around the corner, and the scene shocked her.

“Erwin, this was your one and only mistake. Why did you make me Commander?”

Mikasa froze on the spot.

Mistake?

Did Hange-san, really think that?

Mikasa stared, her heart ripping into shreds seeing Hange like this. She had never seen Hange so lost... unsure... afraid. It was jarring—this was the exact opposite of the Hange she knew. Hange was the one who always watched after her, Armin, Eren, Sasha, Jean, Connie... even Captain Levi. In every meeting she met the higher-ups and the Marleyan allies with such calm, collective air filled with such kindness and understanding. In every dumb fight they had between their friends, growing-up type of moments, she was there for everyone. And she always knew what to say.

Has she really been holding all of this pain inside her?

Hange hid it well. Mikasa kicked herself internally for not realizing how burdensome it must have been all these years being Commander, plus watching over the 104th at the same time. None of them suspected this. Mikasa took a second to pinch herself—she had to make sure this was real. It was simply that shocking.

She didn’t know what to do. She was never really good with words. She wanted to tell her how much she has looked up to her, how much she wanted to be just like her someday. She wanted to tell her how thankful she was that she tried to care for Eren despite all those people who were skeptical of him being a titan all those years ago. She wanted to tell her how thankful she was that she always supported and valued Armin’s insight. She wanted to tell her thank you for teaching her what love is—she saw it in all the little moments between her and Levi—Mikasa always noticed.

But no words came to her lips. None at all. She watched tears stream down Hange’s face, and Mikasa couldn’t take it anymore. She ran to Hange.

“M-Mikasa?”

Suddenly, Hange felt Mikasa’s arms wrap around her tightly, her face dug into the crook of her neck. She felt Mikasa squeeze, feeling every ounce of love in her embrace. Hange smiled, and hugged her back, rubbing Mikasa’s back as she felt her cry with her.

“It’s okay, Mikasa. I’m okay,” she murmured, but Mikasa did not loosen her grip at all.

Mikasa felt all of those words dance at the tip of her tongue, but she just didn’t know how to say it. But Hange shushed her softly, telling her she didn’t have to say one word.

“I know, Mikasa, I know.” The two of them suddenly remember all those years ago, when Hange hugged Mikasa, stopping her from hurting Floch and Levi that horrible day they had to decide whether Erwin or Armin would receive the titan serum. Holding her with love, and comfort in her mourning, giving her the strength she needed. It was as though the tides have turned—in this moment, their roles were reversed.

“My my, Mikasa, you’ve grown much too fast,” Hange said with a smile, kissing Mikasa on the forehead.

And at those words Mikasa felt more tears spill from her eyes. She never wanted to see Hange like this again. Mikasa finally let go after a time, and simply sat next to Hange, laying her head on her shoulder. She hoped her presence was enough.

They sat in silence for hours, and she felt Hange gradually relax, which put Mikasa at ease.

Suddenly, Mikasa heard footsteps approach, finding herself staring up at Levi.

Levi gently placed a hand on top of Hange’s head. Mikasa watched a little smile appear on Hange’s lips. It was then she noticed the subtle, dark circles under both Hange and Levi’s eyes.

Mikasa stood up. “Commander, Captain, I’ll brew you both some tea, okay?” she said, and hurried off. It was the least she could do for now.

She looked back once more to see Levi looking worried and concerned over Hange, but Hange simply smiled brightly right back at him.

“Relax, Shorty. Mikasa has really grown, hasn’t she?” She stood up and squeezed Levi’s hand. “Let’s go have some tea then, shall we?”

[thesunshinebunny]

When the world falls apart, the only thing we can hold onto is ourselves (Part II)

Series Master list

pairing: canon Eren Jaeger x reader

content: Angst, unstable relationship, breakup, smut/nswf+18, major character death, violence, blood (obviously), war (pretty obvious)

summary: War and hate. It’s what defined the world at this exact moment. You failed your comrades, and by failing them, you failed yourself. Your relationship is hanging by a thread and your enemies will not only be found on the other side of the sea, but also in the mind of the person you love the most. How will you take the reins in the face of so much destruction?

Chapter summary: Coming home is melancholy and cold, and your squadmates ask you to do what you couldn't do for a year: speak up and find out what's going on inside Eren's mind.

Words count: 5.3k

They say that when a loved one leaves this world, the days follow turns gray, colorless; How ironic to think that the day we buried Sasha was gray, there wasn’t a trace of the blue sky or some solar ray that could give us the warmth we were lacking. It was cold, a cold that got into your bones and no matter how many hugs and words of mutual support we gave each other, we couldn’t get the warmth we needed.

My soul had been fragmented the moment Sasha left this world, but seeing my friends cry at her grave and leave bouquets of flowers, it fragmented even more. I wasn’t able to meet Nicolo's eyes, my guilt prevented me. Inside, I wanted this Marleyan to yell at me, to tell me that he hated my presence, that Sasha's death had been my fault, and that I should have given my life if it meant saving her. I wanted with all my being that he would give me a reason to really feel guilty.

On the way back to the island, the others assured me that her death wasn’t my fault, that I did everything possible to keep her alive. But my ineptitude, my grief, my low self-esteem prevented me from seeing things clearly. I just needed… something to hold onto.

And I wasn't getting anything.

I felt how I was slowly sinking into the rabbit hole, without the possibility of clinging to a tree root. I was falling, falling, falling, unable to know when I would hit bottom. But that bottom came fast before I could have predicted, because minutes after Nicolo arrived, Sasha's father arrived too, bouquet of beautiful red flowers in hand.

I broke myself. The two people who longed for Sasha most in their lives were standing in front of me, mourning the loss of her young soul. The two people who would hate me the most in the world, standing over my friends's grave. I fell to my knees in front of them and in front of her grave, silently begging for forgiveness.

My tears fell incessantly on the freshly stirred earth as did my fingers, imploring this burden on my chest to dissipate, as if unconsciously I was wishing for Sasha herself to forgive me for letting her die. How could one cope with this heinous feeling? How could I go on, knowing that the world was falling around us, unable to know if the next day we were going to be alive or if Marley would initiate an attack from which we weren’t going to be able to defend ourselves?

My head was racing a thousand per second and the only thing I could let out were those sobs that had accompanied me so much on the way back, the same ones that cradled me to slept, and the tears that so much wanted to dissipate the pain in my soul.

It is said that when a person leaves this world, some people are unable to handle grief, just as they are unable to articulate a word. Apparently I was one of those people.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nights and days passed. Those of us who survived the attack on Marley stayed in commune trying to encourage ourselves to continue fighting. Hange had recommended us to rest, since the psychological damage could cause us several injuries in the future, and as for Eren ... we weren’t very aware of him. The last we heard from our commanders is that he was locked away from all human contact, stipulating that it would be better to keep him locked up for a while and let whatever shit that was going through his head dissipate.

But that was complete bullshit. I knew that, even locking him up, they weren't going to be able to change the thoughts that tormented Eren so much. I knew that, whatever was wandering through his mind, he wasn’t letting him alone and he would never let go. How did I know that? Because I spent a whole year trying to get him to let me enter in that shell he has been forming in recent years. I tried very hard to get him to tell me his plan before he went to Marley, but I got nothing, and I still get nothing.

My gaze was lost in the window. The nights grew colder and colder and I hugged my arms as I watched the sunset. The boys were arguing about something, something that Mikasa didn't seem to find funny at all, but my mind wasn’t connected to reality. I just stared out the window, remembering the old days when we'd sneak out to steal a piece of meat from the supply warehouse with Sasha and Connie.

I remembered the nights when the boys sneaked into the women's hut to keep each other warm in our days as recruits. I remembered how Armin let me practice my medicine methods on him when he got hurt, a practice that was lost when he inherited the power of the Colossal Titan.

I remembered how we would escape at dawn, grab a few horses and ride out to the ocean, taking nice cool baths on the warm moonlit summer nights. Now those moments only remained in that, in memories.

"(Y/N) are you listening?"

My gaze detached from the window, now it was fixed on a Connie who looked just as tired of the world as I did. This dwarf turned giant was just as devastated as I was by losing half of him, and yet he was still able to continue fighting alongside our friends.

"We think you might be the most suitable to go talk to Eren"

Armin's calm voice stripped me of any desire to go back to the old moments. I pulled myself away from the window tiredly and let my body unconsciously guide me to one of the couchs in the middle of the room, next to the blonde. Apparently while I was wandering in my thoughts, the tension in the room had reached a point where it could be cut with a simple wave of the hand.

As I sat down, I was able to take a better look at the room. From what I could analyze, the group had divided into two, those who still trusted Eren and those who did not, each with their reasons, and apparently, I was playing the role of mediator. The responsibility fell on me to move the pieces of the board: to talk to our supposed war partner and beg him to tell us about his plans and the demons in his head, or to dethrone him completely.

"What makes you think I can go talk to him?"

My words came out of my mouth colder and sharper than I would’ve liked, but it was the simple truth. If Eren was willing to push each other away to accomplish his task, what was I going to accomplish after a year without having answers to his thoughts?

"I haven't been able to speak to him openly in a year"

Armin and Mikasa gave me completely stunned looks. Not even their childhood friend had told them that his relationship was falling off a cliff.

"I didn't know, I thought you were fine"

"Well, we are not fine at all Armin"

I knew it wasn't fair for Armin to get all my frustration, he wasn't guilty at all. I looked him in the eye and I could find multiple feelings in those huge blue eyes: sadness, compassion, guilt, overwhelm. I knew he was one of the worst going through it, his childhood friend was no longer entirely reliable; he had carried out acts of sheer violence and had become the enemy he hated the most; Armin had become his worst enemy and his eyes clearly showed it.

And it was those same eyes that begged me to do something, to go and talk, to try to figure out the smallest thing we could use to get out of this mess Eren got us into. They implored me to save his soul brother from his mental prison.

I let out a long breath before getting up off the couch and heading to the door.

"I highly doubt that I will achieve anything, but I will try to talk to him"

I took one last look to the guys in front of me before leaving the room, each one wishing me luck and pleading for my well-being with their eyes, and sinking even further into the rabbit hole, or rather, going straight to ventured into the lion's den.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The road to the dungeons was long and heavy, but not because of the number of blocks and alleys I had to take, but because of what was waiting for me at the end of the road. Upon coming into contact with the stone walls and their semi-armored doors, the blood on my body ran cold, just as it ran cold when we buried Sasha.

The air below the ground was cold, the smell of mold and dirt entered my nostrils, preventing me from taking a couple of steps without feeling like vomiting. The place really needed a better cleaning, otherwise it would be the epicenter of a huge plague.

At the end of the corridor, where the light was dimmer and let the darkness eat much of the cell, was Eren. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him sitting on his supposed bed, staring directly at the wall, or so it seemed; knowing him he was surely lost in his world. I kept my composure, avoiding giving any trace of my emotional and psychological state.

"Hi"

I got no response, as always.

I had the opportunity to inspect his cell, it was quite untidy and dripping with water, coming from the sink which was covered to the top. Unconsciously I prayed that this water was drinkable or at least that it was not too polluted, since I didn’t have to look completely at the brunette in front of me to know he had put his head in that same water.

"I like your hair, looks very smooth"

"What do you want?"

His voice came out calm but imposing and terrifying at the same time, I would be lying if I said I didn’t startle a bit, but I kept my composure as best as possible to avoid showing the fear in my eyes. Eren may not have noticed, but if he did, he was unfazed.

"The guys think that I can talk to you, but I told them they were completely wrong, I mean...we haven't been able to speak like we used to for a year, maybe more"

My words came out of my mouth like the venom of a snake. I couldn't tell if my intention was to make him feel guilty, or at least feel something, to reflect on my words, but guess what… his eyes didn't even leave the wall behind me.

I crossed my arms and rested my body on one of the bars, hoping to have some intimidating way for the damn bastard to decide to speak. Even though bullying wasn't my thing, I, yes, had a tired face and wasn't there to waste my time, but I had to achieve something, get something, whatever, so I could get out of this damn place.

"You know very well that I'm not going to leave until you say something"

His eyes met mine for a few seconds and then returned to their original position. I knew this was going to be difficult, but I couldn't help my irritation growing from my chest. With every minute that passed, the pain in that area was increasing and a lump in the throat was appearing with each tear that I wanted to avoid shedding.

I'd been through shitty days and had to come alone to the exact place I least wanted to be to talk to the person I least wanted to see.

"I'm used to being on my feet for long hours, I can be here all day, and that's exactly what I'm going to do"

I remained planted in front of the cell, positioning myself with crossed arms right in front of his eyes, preventing them from continuing to look at the miserable wall.

But my bad luck wasn't giving me any sign that I was going to win this fight very soon. Although I was covering his peripheral field, his eyes never deigned to look at me, they simply stayed glued to the front, now seeing my body in front, although in reality, he was seeing without seeing.

My patience was running out and this goddamn silent game had only just begun. I had to find something to work with, something that could flicker him or make him angry… anger would not be the best if I wanted to leave with all the bones intact and my already psychological trauma without further damage; but knowing Eren, anger was his fuel, which made him move and in an action-reaction effect, made everyone move together behind him.

That's it. Everyone. But we weren't all here.

Sasha was dead; Reiner, Berthold and Annie traitors and enemies of Paradis; Ymir disappeared and confirmed dead, being inherited by the new jaw titan; the only one missing from our group was our beloved Queen. The Queen that Eren so decided to care for and protect.

"You know, Historia is about to give birth"

It was mild, but I could feel his body tense. His eyes moved just the same slightly, but in those little acts I knew I had struck a chord. And I was willing to use it, even if it meant destroying my sanity and causing one of Eren's greatest worldly anger.

"Wouldn't it be nice to have a little baby on the squad?" I took a deep breath before launching the second impact of the night, preparing to receive whatever blow came next. "After all, it's your child, right?"

His body moved faster than I could ever achieve and my reflexes weren't sharp enough to pull away in time. His hand grabbed my shirt, drawing me towards the bars and hitting my cheeks on each one, now my face was directly in front of him, my field of vision being just his face and finally, his eyes were focused on mine.

"Don't even think about talking about Historia like that"

If looks could kill, surely I would already be dead on the ground. His grip on my chest was strong, he was even capable of ripping the fabric, but with a push back showed me that it wasn’t strong enough, that everything was a facade. I staggered, almost fell to the ground, but either way, I kept my balance and my expression. I was terrified inside, but I forced myself to keep a stoic look at all time, he was trying to play with me and although I was not entirely sure how much there were just words and how much were an act of anger and violence, I couldn’t dedicate myself to having a hint of doubt.

"Easy, Romeo, I know you're not the daddy...or are you?"

I adjusted my clothes, avoiding his gaze because I knew if I stared into his eyes, I would get a much worse look than the one he gave me a few seconds ago.

"Whatever, you gave me something to work with, Historia knows something and didn't tell us...gee, I wonder why"

I leaned my body against the cold stone. My gaze went everywhere, trying to keep avoiding his eyes and incidentally have a stronger support for my figure.

"The Queen doesn’t have to say anything to anyone"

Ohhh, you little shit.

If that's the game you want to play, then you're going to lose.

Even if his words were absolutely right, we shouldn’t forget that, before she was queen, Historia had been our friend during training and the entire year of accumulated trauma between betrayals and deaths. If we could continue to have conversations with her and were invited to participate in political meetings, then we had every right to be informed of the supposed plan that Eren implanted in our queen's mind.

For a moment I was scared by the physical and emotional state of Historia. Was Eren capable of keeping her threatened? Did he say or do anything to keep her quiet? The questions seemed to have no head or tail, but if Eren was able to grab me the way he did, I can't imagine what he could do to keep someone quiet.

"Yes, you are right, in the same way, trust only the queen before your friends... that’s brave"

I searched the corridor and the cell for something I could use to attract his attention again, if it was necessary for me to use violence against him, I would be willing to do it. My eyes met a chain anchored to the wall, quite a long chain, to tell the truth. And on the other side, reaching almost the middle of the corridor, I could make out a rather dirty cloth.

I glanced at Eren who had sat back down on his bed, head down in his hands, and walked down the hall with one goal in mind. I grabbed the cloth and walked back to the cell, standing in front of the bars. I reached out my hand to the sink and started to clean up what was left of the spilled water.

"It's all soaked, incredible that they keep a cell like this"

Without taking my eyes off the sink, I could hear Eren settling on his bed, perhaps sitting upright. I kept running the dirty cloth over the water, honestly I wasn’t achieving much apart from spreading the now dirty water even more, but I had to continue with the facade of an understandable couple.

"It's a complete mess...were Historia's legs like this when you railed her?"

As before, Eren had quickly stood up, ready to grab my hand that was inside the cell, but I was already better prepared. When I felt his fingers touch my wrist, I turned my hand to anchor it on his arm and draw him towards the bars, having that same arm outside the cell. With half body on the cold metal, my other hand grabbed the missing arm and with all my strength I pulled his limbs towards me, causing his body and head to crash against the bars.

"Do you want to do it the hard way? fine, we'll do it the hard way"

Eren tried to shake off my grip, but the adrenaline rushing through my veins prevented him from loosening even a millimeter. I pushed him and pulled him back to me, stretching his arms even further and hitting his head on the metal.

"What's wrong with you?"

Again, a back and forth motion.

"What is going on in your head?"

Back and forth.

"How much shit can you have in your mind that you are not able to tell your friends?"

Back and forth.

"TELL ME FOR FUCK SAKE!!"

With one last impact, I hit Eren's head and heard the fibers and tendons in his shoulders rip, just as his skin began to stretch and break, revealing the flesh and muscle beneath it. Rivers of blood flowed over his arms, dropping to the floor and turning his skin red.

His head was also bleeding to the side, soaking his torso and rebel hair. A pool of blood formed under our feet. I let go of his arms and then grabbed the chain that was on the wall and chained him. Considering the number of times he hab been chained since his fifteen years, I suppose one more time wouldn't do any harm to his already traumatized mind.

When I saw his hands were secure I dropped to the floor, not caring about the blood that now adorned the cold stone floor. I could feel my ass starting to get soggy and sticky from the substance. I would have to burn this pants when I got out of there.

Both my mind and my breath hitched, enveloping the environment. I tried to calm down and clear my mind to continue this hell of interrogation. I knew I shouldn't have agreed, and now look at what situation I was in.

"You know I can transform and use the power of the warhammer titan to get out of here"

Eren seemed withdrawn from his situation, as if bleeding to death didn't matter in the least. Steam came out of his shoulders, a sign that he was in the process of regeneration and prayed that this process would take a long time to materialize.

“I know…” I tried to calm my voice and breath before speaking again “but if you transform now, you would end up killing me, and killing me means betraying the legion, and betraying them means betraying the people of Paradis… you don 't want that, do you? "

My words may sound sly, but inside I was wanting to run out of there, get under the covers of my bed and sleep until the day of doomsday; I was even wishing to die in that sleep.

"I'm going to stay here until I know once and for all what's going on in your head, because I know that whatever shit is in there… it's killing you."

Now we were both looking into each other's eyes, fighting a battle in silence, seeing who would give up first. We held eye contact for a few long minutes, unable to tell how many. Maybe it was a couple, maybe half an hour or even an hour; whatever the time, I was already getting bored.

"If I had known it would take so long, I would have brought something to read"

"What has you so worried that you can't even tell Hange or the heichou?"

My question came reluctantly out of my mouth, as if my ability to fight was fading. I was already very tired and it seemed like days since I entered the dungeons.

"Noone would be able to understand"

"Oh please! Don't take me for a fool. Do you think that none of them are battling their own inner demons? Do you think that only you can have intrusive thoughts to fight against?"

His comment irritated me to the core. I never found Eren such a selfish person, and to think that a year or so ago he was declaring his unconditional affection to all of his comrades.

What happened in the last year? What changed?

"Each one of them has to face their own internal wars every day"

Before my anger got the best of me, I took a few small breaths, calming myself. I wasn't going to put me on the same level of hatred and misunderstanding as him, even if it meant throwing away all the years we were together.

"Historia surely has to fight against the stress and the multiple responsibilities that being a queen entails, apart from fighting against the offensive comments of the military police"

Maybe the island has been rid of Titans for a long time, but that didn’t take away the fact that shitty people, like those who lived on the Wall Sina, decided to try and continue controlling the poor people who were split the loin so those ungrateful would have a feast every night.

"Connie is struggling every day against losing his other half, his twin"

Connie, Jean, everyone ... EVERYONE! We were fighting and suffering the mourning of Sasha, of our teammates.

"Shit, surely Jean is still struggling with the memory of Marco after so many years"

Yes. No one had forgotten Marco, especially Jean. But we had to learn to keep going on that very day, we couldn't afford to get sentimental and spoil the next missions. From that day on we learned to watch over our dead mates in silence.

"I fight every day against my incompetence"

And now was the time that I could begin to veil my demons once and for all.

Already my body was begging to rest. I had laid my head on the wall and fixed my gaze on the ceiling. I heard the chains move at my side, a sign that Eren was moving, but I didn't have the strength to look him in the face.

"I fight every day against the image of Sasha dying in my hands"

I know that memory is going to haunt me until the day I die.

"I fight every day against the memories of our comrades dying in battle"

I saw countless deaths throughout the year 850, so many that I decided to use my knowledge in medicine to help even to stop a bleeding. I still remember the first suture I made to a mate already lost in battle ... I was so excited, so happy to be of such help.

"I fight every day against the idea of ​​not being enough"

But that exaltation led to thousands of failures. People who had bled internally, who had lost an arm and couldn’t get to cauterize, hundreds who had lost half their stomach or head.

"I fight every day against our enemies on the other side of the sea"

I wasn't going to deny it, learning the pure and exclusive truth of the world, I couldn't help but feel a deep hatred for the Marleyans. I wanted them to pay for the countless deaths and suffering they had caused, I wanted to see them burn, but at the same time I wanted a reasonable explanation.

"I fight the memories of the titans devouring our friends"

Memories of the first day in battle, right at our graduation, when we thought that nothing could happen. How naive we were. And to think that that was just the beginning of a long list of events that would bring us to this moment.

"I fight every day along side with the memories of the team escaping from the base and messing it up to enjoy the summer nights"

Memories of when we would sneak into the palace and take Historia with us, enjoying the air in our faces and running in the valleys of the countryside. Memories of when we ran cows for some strange reason at the beginning of the day.

Memories of when we were racing with the 3D movement gear through the great forests outside the city. Memories of the occasional punch in the face against the bark of a tree for not knowing where we were going.

"I fight every day against the image of the big bright turquoise eyes that I fell in love with"

My gaze fell on those same eyes, but instead of finding the description that I wanted to see so much, I only found grayish green eyes, eyes that had lost all their brilliance.

I found eyes full of tiredness and anger for the world. The brilliance that so characterized Eren had been lost; now I would have to settle for a blank stare.

"I fight every day ... against the memory of our return to the rooms and Levi punishing us for weeks"

My voice was breaking as I remembered the nights when only Eren and I would sneak out to spend quality time alone. Those nights where we would lie down to see the stars or to lose ourselves in each other in some meadow.

I look at my hands, they were shaking. I couldn't help but remember the first night we spent together, back then I was shaking too, but Eren's hands on my cheeks dispelled any doubt or fear that I could ever have. I unconsciously smiled at the fond memory and I think Eren did too, as I heard a little laugh coming from him.

But no matter how much smiles and laughter the memories gave me, I had to go on and face the world that was now in front of me.

"I fight every day ... against the idea of ​​running towards you, towards your arms"

Those arms that one day gave me warmth. Those arms that one day hugged and covered me the moment I found out that a mate had died. Those strong arms that I knew were going to protect me from any harm.

"I fight against the hope that this is all a nightmare, that you are going to cradle me in your arms and tell me that everything is going to be fine, that it was just a bad dream"

My gaze returned to his, now filled with tears. It hurt, the cruel truth hurt a lot.

"I fight against the desire to stay by your side"

Eren's face was dark, he had returned to how he was at the beginning, without any trace of that soft laugh I heard a few seconds ago.

"I fight with my inner voice that tells me that everything will be fine, that in a few years it will not hurt as much as it does now"

Maybe ... maybe I can start over and when all this nefarious war is over I can find peace, once and for all, and enjoy my friends.

"I fight to move on"

...

"I fight every day...against you"

That was it.

I stood up heavily, wiping the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand. The blood on the floor was already dry and had left the entire back of my pants stained. I hadn't noticed that the air had been permeated with the iron smell of blood, making my vomiting reflex worse, even though I had avoided it in a good way all this time.

"If you want to free yourself from this cell, go ahead, I'm not going to stop you"

His figure was already fully regenerated and I knew it was a matter of time before he transformed and left this filthy place. Eren might trust what he was doing was the right thing to do, but if he didn’t accept that in the eyes of the world, that in our eyes, his friends, the only family he had left, couldn’t understand his actions, then there wasn’t much to ask from him.

If he wanted to betray us, let him do it.

“Do what you have to do to fulfill your dream, I don't care anymore. But don't expect for me to sit around and wait for you"

"Are you planning to go to the other side of the sea?"

What a stupid and dubious question at the same time. Was I willing to leave my life in Paradis to start over even in the lands of the enemy?

No, not at all. Why I was no traitor.

"No Eren, I am not going to Marley, my family is here...but you are no longer part of it"

Those words hurt, but they needed to be said; that way I could already start to heal.

"Is that all you have to say?"

I couldn't tell if his words were mocking or a sincere question. But yes, it was all I had to say. I couldn't spend another minute in front of someone I didn't even know anymore.

"It's all I can bear"

I took one last look at the prisoner in the cell before turning and continuing down the long corridor of the dungeons.

"Are you leaving so soon? I thought I heard you would stay as long as it takes for me to speak"

As I reached the door, I took a deep breath of the foul smell of the environment. My hand lay on the doorknob and was half open when his words reached my ears. There was no need to shout from a distance, the echo of the stones made it easy for me to hear the smallest whisper of the perpetrator. I opened the door, but not before dedicating my last words.

"Goodbye Jaeger"

And behind me, I closed the door.