#again! i know the remade episodes were weird

[eternalwyrm]

i’d just like to remind everyone that the original bee and puppycat series on youtube is STILL canon like. everything happened in that still counts. (also i sound very pissy in this, especially the tags, but please know that it’s meant to be a lighthearted reminder)

lazy in space canonically picks up after the youtube series. think of the first couple of netflix episodes as a summary for people who have literally never heard of the show before. yes, it has its faults (i’ve seen people calling it “too boring”, weird pacing, etc etc whatever) but think of it as a weird recap. it’s there for the sake of getting us comfortable to the new style and adding more exposition/character background. again, it has its faults with that but i’m not here to discuss that. the point is that the first couple netflix episodes are basically for people who have literally never heard of bee and puppycat before and maybe saw an ad or two, or opened netflix and saw this new charming show or whatever, and are seeing it for the first time. it’s not expected of them to immediately google the title and watch the original. yes, we lost some iconic lines and scenes in the recap, but those are still canon, they’re still up and we can watch them; and again it was for the sake of the recap and added exposition. like it’s because of the remade episodes that we know more about bee’s dad. that we know more about bee’s past and puppycat’s connection to that. we’ve gotten more hints and background details that add to the story, characters, and the future of the show (the three separate music boxes, the symbols on the screens of puppycat’s ship, how deckard and cass see bee [“weird old lady girl”], literally more info on cardamon besides “he’s a child landlord and is sad and stressed”, etc etc etc)

like i can get the parts that are frustrating to long time fans, i literally have the original memorized so uh. i get it, but still. it’s more than just “we retconned things LOL!” because i don’t really think it was retconning. original plots were a little simplified but they added more to what we already knew. whatever, i’m off topic. the point is: yes, it’s sad that netflix doesn’t have those iconic lines but those are still canon. the original is still canon. lazy in space canonically takes place after the original series. take that as you will.

[prickly-paprikash]

Pushing aside the fact that I am, quite possibly, a Kendrick fan—disregarding my biases, I think Drake needs to stop. Push Ups was a good diss. Surface level, vapid, but it possessed that mean, petty spirit that carries a diss track all the way. Even bringing up accusations that are, realistically speaking, unlikely still works because a diss is supposed to show just how much you hate a person and how cleverly you can bring it.

Taylor Made was weird. I get that it was a strategy. Drop the main diss first and then drop this one to really prod at Kendrick. Using Pac and Snoop AI voices sucks though. Distilling Kendrick as Taylor's underling also doesn't work because Kendrick only collaborated with her once (twice when they remade Bad Blood) and that's it. Meanwhile Drake is out here always looking for new, up and coming artists to pounce on their trends or cling to established artists. Then it got taken down, because of course it would have been. You used 2Pac's voice. Did you really think his estate, his family, wouldn't do anything?

So he bought Pac's ring and used his voice without permission. More and more we see just how much of a vulture Drake is.

And then Euphoria drops.

Your first diss was met with solid reactions. Your second got taken down. Kendrick drops on a random hot Tuesday, and in a matter of hours surpasses your numbers that took weeks to accumulate. Kendrick did that. Euphoria was also harsh, clever, and sounded so good that people kept replaying it over and over again. Once more, Kendrick schools you.

A few insiders then say that Drake will drop that night. Right after. But he then allegedly gets cold feet. A few hours later from when Drake was supposedly ready to drop but backs out, Kendrick drops 6:16 in LA.

In your previous disses, you begged Kendrick to drop something with quintuple entendres. Euphoria did that. But he took it a step further by naming his second diss 6:16 in LA.

June 16: Father's day. Referencing the fact that Drake has been proven to be a deadbeat father.

June 16, 1971: Tupac's Birthday. Kendrick idolizes him. Drake steals from him.

June 16, 2019: First episode of Euphoria drops. A show Drake is listed as a producer on. A show about underage girls entering a life of sex, substance abuse, and more. Things that Drake has been accused of repeatedly in the past.

June 16, 2011: in June 2, 2011, Kendrick posted on his twitter that there will be a concert at Toronto on 6/16. Allegedly this is where Drake and Kendrick first met.

6:16 AM: The time of release for this track.

6:16: Multiple possible Bible verses, given Kendrick's Christian background.

Other claims felt like reaches though, so I'll stick to that.

The final two lines of 6:16 also reference the Michael Jackson, R. Kelly, and their song "You Are Not Alone". Drake, who has always claimed he is Michael Jackson or at the very least his equal/successor, is now tied to him in a way he does not want. Because we know all of the dirt that came out after MJ's death. We all know what R. Kelly was sent to prison for. And we all know what Drake has been accused of multiple times.

Kendrick also alludes to the fact that you have a leak in your circle, Drake.

So Drake drops Family Matters. A scathing 7 minute song that makes fun of the GKMC van. Saying that Kendrick's daughter isn't his. Saying that his wife cheats on him with security. Saying that he beats his wife.

Now, these are enormous accusations levied. But Kendrick has responded before, years ago, that the DV accusations were false. He has also always been open about his faults. Adultery. Sex addiction. Insecurity. God complex. Kendrick, for better or worse, has always laid out nearly every aspect of his younger life on his songs. This also helped by the fact that in both Euphoria and 6:16, Kendrick says that Drake has spent millions on finding dirt on him but came up with nothing. Again, these accusations can still be proven true and if so, Kendrick needs to be held accountable for them.

But if not? Then Drake just adds another to the pile of "He's a liar and a master manipulator."

Drake also posts a Parody on his Insta that gains little to no attention because 30 minutes after dropping Family Matters and supposedly going on his victory lap, Kendrick drops meet the grahams.

Another thing. 6:16's cover was a glove. That meant nothing to us, the audience. meet the grahams makes it make sense by zooming out of the glove and showing off a shirt and drugs that Drake supposedly uses. Drake has not had any receipts with his accusations against Kendrick. Kendrick puts Drake's supposed prescription, his full name, on a bottle of Ozempic. Kendrick, for now, seems to make good on his threat. OvO, Drake's company, is full of leaks. And they're leaking it straight to Kendrick Lamar.

Nearly 24 hours later, Kendrick drops Not Like Us.

Euphoria was a general character dissection and assassination of Drake: Insecure about his identity as a biracial man. Culture Vulture. Blaccent user. Code switcher. Fake abs. Womanizer. Misogynist. Using black features just to feel black enough. A deadbeat dad that knows nothing of raising a child. And even revokes Drake's ability to use the N-Word (I have no stake in that I am Asian so I will keep my brown mouth shut for that).

6:16 in LA was an ominous threat that slowly reveals that Kendrick has insider information on Drake. That he is ready to leak so much more should Drake continue.

meet the grahams is a brutal open letter to Drake, his parents, and even to Adonis, Drake's son. Saying that Kendrick could be a better mentor to Adonis. Saying that Drake abandoned you and that's not your fault. Don't be like your father—whatever anyone says, for better or worse, you are a black man and don't code switch just to make yourself feel better. He says that Drake failed his mother for what he did to women. Saying that Drake's father is the cause of his gambling issues. Drake is a body shamer. Leaving the mother of his children to rot. And of course, the reveal that Drake has a secret daughter, the same way Pusha T revealed Drake has a son. Adonis.

And of course, now. Not Like Us. Where Kendrick goes all in on one topic that he has alluded to in every diss track before. Drake is a groomer. A pedophile.

I am sick. I should not be tuning into this beef. But my fever can go ahead and end me, I need to know how this ends.

[ettelenethelien]

My very conflicting feelings towards the Athrabeth

The thing with the Athrabeth is that it features a lot of beautiful quotes and ideas and, at the same time, a lot of it weirds me out. Maybe it's the outright attempt to approach Christianity which I think doesn't really work; the Legendarium isn't allegory and I don't think it should get that specific; maybe it's the way many of the theories Finrod and Andreth go through are supremely odd? (Of course, these rarely seem to be meant as statements that are true in-world, more like wild speculations of two people about things they can't really know). Anyway, the first time I read it, at 13 or so, it sent me into a very weird state, possibly coupled with an OCD episode? It's always hard for me to tell whether these mean I perceive something actually wrong or whether it's just OCD fear, but... well, my thoughts on the point are still very muddled.

That said, I do like to think such a document exists in the legendarium, whether based on the notes of either Finrod or Andreth from a single conversation, or cobbled together from several different instances, as seems very likely. I am however somewhat loath to accept it looks exactly like the Athrabeth we have.

Do I headcanon away the idea that elves are afraid their souls are limited to the life of the world? It feels a bit too important, but it does seem to have been one of the things that sent me into that... episode back then. Of course, it wouldn't be true anyway, but if they did believe that, I'd suppose the fear would be less "this is certain unless something might happen to make it otherwise", and more "we just have no idea and fear it might be that, although that's certainly looking at things the pessimistic way."

But the concept of Finrod's Dream/Vision must be a thing in-world, and I am even more sure that in-world it shall come true. After all, I more or less came up with it on my own ages before I read the Athrabeth, haha. And it really cannot be otherwise, and the full fragment is lovely.

‘And then suddenly I beheld as a vision Arda Remade; and there the Eldar completed but not ended could abide in the present for ever, and there walk, maybe, with the Children of Men, their deliverers, and sing to them such songs as, even in the Bliss beyond bliss, should make the green valleys ring and the everlasting mountain-tops to throb like harps.’

Then Andreth looked under her brows at Finrod: ‘And what, when ye were not singing, would ye say to us?’ she asked.

Finrod laughed. ‘I can only guess,’ he said. ‘Why, wise lady, I think that we should tell you tales of the Past and of Arda that was Before, of the perils and great deeds and the making of the Silmarils! We were the lordly ones then! But ye, ye would then be at home, looking at all things intently, as your own. Ye would be the lordly ones. “The eyes of Elves are always thinking of something else,” ye would say. But ye would know then of what we were reminded: of the days when we first met, and our hands touched in the dark. Beyond the End of the World we shall not change; for in memory is our great talent, as shall be seen ever more clearly as the ages of this Arda pass: a heavy burden to be, I fear; but in the Days of which we now speak a great wealth.’

And of course the star-crossed romance between Andreth and Aegnor is exquisite.

------------

When it comes to the "Tale of Adanel" I'm no less conflicted? A lot of it just doesn't fit, doesn't make sense -- and the "fall" presented there certainly seems more excusable than our own irl, or even than Númenor, because despite the "Voice", the way it's written, it feels like the Men don't know what they're doing, don't know any better -- and of course, ultimately, they make the wrong choice because of fear. And fear certainly can lead into evil, but -- original sins should be more than that.

Then, again, the first time I read this along with the Athrabeth it triggered what was certainly an OCD attack in me, and maybe one cannot call it the fault of the text per se, but on the other hand, I feel like the imagery is such that - well, it was more likely to be the cause of such than anything in the actual Silm.

However, I do like to think an equivalent of such a story existed in Gondor, probably something written post Akallabêth, given the similarities... An apocrypha of sorts no one actually considers true - yet in existence. But the actual tale is lost to time.

Although,

"Ye have abjured Me, but ye remain Mine. I gave you life. Now it shall be shortened, and each of you in a little while shall come to Me, to learn who is your Lord: the one ye worship, or I who made him."

is certainly an epic quote.

And,

But it is told that there were a few that escaped us, and went away into far countries, fleeing from the shadow... And they came at last to the land’s end and the shores of the impassable water; and behold! the Enemy was there before them.

is so awfully tragic, and definitely the truth of the matter, regardless what happened back then, in Hildorien.

(Also note: the story is presented as told by the Edain - and yet "we" refers to the evildoers and their own forefathers are referred to in the third person. To be honest, I think that's a characteristic part of the Gondorian psyche. It's always "our downfall" even though they are the Faithful. That assumption of responsibility for all the worst deeds of your people even when you should be able not to...)

--------

Athrabeth is such a lovely word though...

[beea-idiot56]

Let Me Know, I need to make a decision.

Some of you may be confused if you do not personally know me/follow me on Discord, but I've been seriously obsessed with Minecraft Diaries recently. yes. the series was made 8 years ago by a creator who has now been making childish to the point of cringe videos on youtube. The series ranged on for 237 episodes and has 3 series, was discontinued, and then remade(which I don't know but I don't believe it was ever finished). specifically, I've been obsessed with Garroth. GARROTH..... I mean why does my heart hate me so? why must I be obsessed with him if all characters, it's really bad.

So in my fanfiction writer abilities, I've been thinking of/daydreaming/conjuring up a plotline for a possible Garroth x reader. I wanted to know if this was anything even SLIGHTLY exciting and if it was I was planning on maybe writing out a few chapters, and then going from there. I am well aware that this post, nor any chapters I may or may not post, would get any cred. but to the people who may see this, let me know! I'm super curious and if it piqued anyone's interest then I'll explore the possibility of putting Perfect Hit on hold for a little while to divulge my hyperfiction.

well, here we go, some little snippet weird prologue summary thing I've conjured up

First things first, Aphmau IS alive and well in this series, heck shes even the lord! however, at some point on one of her journeys, she returned with someone who looked a little down on their luck. they didn't respond to anyone and seemed to stick to aphmau like glue.

"Oh dont mind them!" aphmau would excuse anyone who questioned them. however one day Garroth let his concerns get the better of him "Lady Aphmau, I mean not to pry more than my position allows me, but I worry for your safety. Who is this person?" he would ask, and the person would look at aphmau with wide eyes that were full of fear. she would sigh and hesitate before speaking.

"Im sorry, Garroth. i cant tell you before they are willing to let me, ut rest assured they wont hurt me." aphmau would say. silence would pass between the three for a few moments before the person sighed, they opened their mouth, shut it, then opened it again and this time words followed.

"Im Y/N." they started, their voice cracking a little since it wasn't used to being worked, "I come from a village far off south, I was a guard for a long time, but the lord became corrupt and would turn against the villagers if they didn't look at him the right way. so when aphmau came by, i had tried my best to deter her from entering the village, visitors were not particularly welcome, especially lords." Y/N had begun, the words flowing out of their mouth in a tidal way of sudden information. "She had refused to listen to my pleas and came in any ways, stating that she needed to talk to the Lord for some sort of potion. In reality, she was looking for the past lord who had been killed. not under my watch, but rather the lead guard at the time, who was then executed as it was found he had been the one conspiring against the lord. that was when the lords son rose to power and appointed me to be the head guard." y/n sighed, rubbed their arm, and then continued, "Well aphmau came in and found the village in complete disarray. so she decided to help with her utmost kindness. I was thankful to her and began to talk to her more as she stayed the night in my village. I found out she was a lord and immediately wanted to follow to her village. so she helped me escape."

"How did you escape?" garroth had asked, being curious considering he himself had gone under something similar. "Well, it wasn't particularly hard. i simply told my lord I wanted to leave, for a long time it was a back and forth between her and him as they argued for who would take me. Eventually, it came to the point I decided to simply leave, so I asked aphmau to take me in a golden lasso and go home."

"Before you say anything garroth, it took a long time to convince me, it felt wrong to take away the head guard of the town, but y/n assured me that the apprentice guard that was training under them would help." aphmau spoke, smiling as she reminisced in the old adrenaline that followed their daring escape.

"so why don't you reside bear the title of guard now?" garroth asked, curious as to why he hadn't been training this person as a guard if they were previously a head leader.

"oh that's easy!" aphmau spoke, smiling, "because they don't want to be!" with the words released in the air everyone paused for a moment, but aphmau quickly started speaking again. "they made a deal with me actually, they did not want to be a guard that was out in the open about it, but rather a personal guard of mine that would be there in disguise. they would carry weapons but conceal them. we both agreed it would be easier on future trips and in general, it would provide more protection if Y/n was under the premise of being seen as a mute follower!" aphmau smiled.

garroth had nodded, then reached across to hold his hand to y/n, "well then Y/n. welcome to the guardship of Pheonix drop, you are officially aphmaus secret bodyguard."

from there the two had a blossoming relationship. y/n had continued to be silent, but would show up more to guard meetings and had stated to talk a little more to the other ones. laurence, dante, garroth, and aphmau were the only ones who knew of this arrangement and they kept it well in secret.

however, one-day aphmau asked to go on a trip by herself, she had wanted to go to bright port, it was only to be a four-day trip to check up on the people of the town and visit the wolf tribe. so y/n had stayed back, and suddenly they found themself bored.

What were they supposed to do when no one was around? looking around aphmaus property they sighed, before looking up to the guard tower, ah, that's right. they could go up there. they smiled thinking about it, deciding they would bring some paper and a quill and draw the scene that lay at the top of the tower.

so they went, grabbing the materials needed and climbing the large staircase, they hadn't expected anyone to be there. since it was mid-day many people were either eating lunch or hanging out in the plaza, so most guards would most likely be in patrol or joining their families in lunch. however, when they climbed to the top, they found garroth sitting on the side and looking out into the ocean.

"oh, hello there Y/n" garroth spoke, his voice grim and his face downcast. he had obviously been shuffling around in an attempt to put on his helm when he heard the trap door open. "hello there, garroth. i apologize for intruding. ill be ff" they spoke, a little disappointed they would have to go somewhere else, the tower produced the best scenery. "no need, you may sit with me if you'd like, you seem to need the company" garroth spoke, leading y/ns gaze with a wave of his hand towards the chair next to him. y/n nodded and sat down, taking out their quill and beginning to do a light sketch of what lay before them. making sure to include the wide arrangement of objects that were seen on the horizon.

"do you often come here to draw?" garroth asked, which earned a shrug in return. garroth looked at them before a small chuckle erupted from his lips. "I feel as though we are not a good match when it comes to socialization." garroth spoke out loud, his voice seeming more upbeat. rather than grim as it was before. "it is because neither of us seeks out a conversation unless sit is of importance. we are simply comfortable with the silence of the world or the conversation being held by someone else." y/n stated, having noticed this very thing on other occasions. it was not often the two were alone. however, when they were it was always an awkward silence. Neither of them were outgoing, and neither of them were willing to break their old habits of being quiet to cure the silence.

"well, should we try?" garroth asked, "to communicate better" he spoke, clearing the air of questionatore. "We both work together so I feel as though it would be worth it. additionally, you seem lonely"

"sure..."

(also this story would probably be in season 1, but not in war and before they enter the dimension with rene and shz)

so let me know, honestly, i think I could write a really cute fluff heavy story :D

[zaptap]

a few months ago or something i got back to my pokemon rewatch i started in gen 6

well, it’s a rewatch in the sense that i’m watching the dubbed episodes over again, but on the other hand i’m watching the japanese episodes for the first time (having only started watching those in late gen 5). yes i’m watching every episode twice basically which is kind of insane, but once i get to the end of the 4kids dub it’ll just be the japanese version (though that’s over 400 episodes in)

when xy&z introduced the “meowth’s ballad” ending i’d recently gotten to the episodes with “meowth’s song” so i immediately caught the reference. unfortunately i fell out of the habit of watching it just 10 episodes before “type: wild,” an ending that was remade in the sun and moon anime, so i didn’t recognize that when it showed up a few years later

the good thing about having taken a break from that though is now a lot more episodes are subbed! and this post got long so if you want to hear more about that i’m shoving the rest under a readmore

originally there was a group called PocketMonsters that subbed from late gen 4 to the middle of gen 7 (before disbanding in 2018) and they’d do an original series episode whenever they found the time, but they only got through 40-something episodes. after i got through those i switched to watching raw, which is sort of ok since i know a fair bit of japanese and i’d watch it after the dubbed version (giving me a general idea of what’s being said, though the dub changes things of course) but i’d still prefer watching it subbed

but then in 2020 a sailor moon focused group called Sea of Serenity showed up and started subbing the original series. they released all the kanto league episodes in 2020 (as well as the first movie), all the orange islands episodes in 2021 (plus the second movie and both movies’ pikachu shorts), and as of 2 months ago they said johto was basically done and just needed to be revised, so it seems like that should come out soon too (at my current pace i should be done with the orange islands in 2 weeks, but if it’s still not out then i can definitely take a break)

other than that, based on what i’m seeing on 9anime there’s still about 80 hoenn episodes that haven’t been subbed at all (though as i understand it some of the episodes that are subbed aren’t done very well, but i guess it’s better than nothing), and i’m also having trouble finding subs of many of the side story (pokemon chronicles) specials. 9anime also lists almost all of the dp episodes, except the clip show that never got dubbed (which is weird because you’d think that’d make it a bigger priority?) but i’ve also heard that a lot of those ones haven’t been properly subbed either

fortunately we’ve consistently had everything subbed since gen 5, first by PocketMonsters (who were several weeks behind, at least during gen 5-6 when i watched them, but at least they did good work), then since gen 7 it’s been done by Some-Stuffs, who’ve released the episodes on the same day (very impressive compared to the situation when i started watching the subs in 2013, so i’m very thankful for all their hard work)

anyway my original intention when i started was firstly to rewatch the dub (and only the 4kids dub, so that gets accomplished towards the end of gen 3), and secondly to watch the episodes i’d never seen in japanese before (which only applies until i get into gen 5), but i think i’ll keep going after that since the past few generations have been the best ones so i might as well just rewatch those too. several years from now when i get that far!

[mydaroga]

All This and WWII/The Beatles and WWII

Catching up on back episodes of Nothing is Real, @strangelock decided that being told “do not watch this” was in fact a recommendation. All This and WWII was a sort of musical clip show history of the war set to covers of Beatles songs, made in the 70s. It showed in theaters for two weeks and then disappeared, so while it’s around on bootlegs there is no official release. 

But wait! We were saved in 2016 by Tony Palmer, who made what are considered to be quite decent music docs in the 60s and 70s and worked on the original version of this film before being booted. For some reason, he remade the film decades later, using a slightly different setlist and clips. From what I’ve heard, it’s no better than the original was, highly offensive, extremely disturbing, and what’s even worse, never gets close to justifying its premise. 

The clips are presented roughly in chronological order, without context and without bothering to differentiate between newsreel footage and Hollywood films. Much of the footage has been stretched to accommodate widescreen TVs, so everyone looks weird. The covers are mostly awful, and mostly commissioned for this film, aside from Elton John’s “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.” In addition to the clips making no sense, the Beatles songs overlaid offer nothing but bafflement in the way of commentary. 

Some highlights:

The Fool on the Hill? He’s Hitler! Why? Uh. Because we don’t like him and we didn’t actually listen to the song. 

The Battle of Britain plays out during “I am the Walrus.” I have no idea why. Because uh... war is mad and makes no sense?

What “Come Together” has to do with Japan’s rise to power or a return to “Walrus” means about Pearl Harbor, I am equally clueless.

The Brits are having difficulty defeating Rommel in Africa! they need... Help!

The aforementioned Lucy in the Sky is literally the bombs being dropped during the Battle of Midway.

Nazis have been routed from Paris and they need to... Get Back!

There’s a terribly impassioned cover of Michelle I am actually kind of into but it’s during the liberation of France and whenever he gets really emotional stuff literally explodes.

The worst of all? Footage about Japanese internment to the tune of... “Let it Be.” What the ever loving fuck? Really?

The film ends with unwarned for and unasked for footage from the concentration camps, just minutes of extremely disturbing and dehumanizing images that obviously are important for people to know about but are offered without any sort of preparation or context. It’s just exploitation. It’s followed up by a bunch of modern atrocity footage as if to say, see? This is still going on! Except I have no idea what connects any of these things, or what I’m supposed to do, or how I’m supposed to feel because I just watched a bunch of shit get blown up during jaunty renditions of Beatles tunes which already make the opposite of sense in any context. The entire war itself is presented without any hint as to what it was about or for, until the very end when we see a bunch of dead people who might be Jewish, who even knows? 

Whatever the intent, this just might be the weirdest Beatle-adjacent thing I’ve seen yet, in terms of sheer inexplicability. Remember, this thing wasn’t just made once; the version I saw was the one they made AGAIN decades later, thinking it was still a great idea somehow.

[sortasirius]

“Carry On” and...Yikes.

Well clowns, looks like the clown calls were coming from inside the house this entire time.

I so desperately wish I wasn’t writing this right now.  I so wish that I could be writing something better, something joyful, something happy about this fifteen year journey with these characters.  It seems as though the show had other ideas, so in we go.

So...the dog was cool.  Also interesting that Dean was back to his breakup/grieving coping mechanisms: not making his bed, messy room, beer all over the place, Sam making breakfast, etc.

So I guess I better just start off with how...off this episode felt in regards to Dean specifically. Idk why he suddenly wanted a dog and Sam had no real interest in one, since the opposite has been true for, idk, fifteen years, but whatever, I was willing to let it go.

I thought the pie thing was a sweet scene, it was funny and nice and a good button on Dean’s pie thing.

Weird to, you know, bring up Cas and not mention his tragic ass deal and why he got got, but whatever.

I cannot physically believe that this MOTW aspect was, quite literally, so much of the plot.  Like...we figured that it was going to be an aspect, but for it to be SO MUCH?  Bruh.  I am such a fucking fool lmfao.

Again, cool to see Cas’ coat in the back.  Too bad it wasn’t addressed.

Jenny.  Bitch.  Come on.  Of ALL the villains in the FIFTEEN YEARS of Supernatural.  Jenny.  Who was in....one....episode.  Ok.

I mean that line about the high school thing was funny, I did laugh at that moment.  Fuck I love Dean Winchester.

I cannot believe I specced so much about the barn scene.  Are y’all telling me that “The Night We Met” is being claimed by......Sam and Dean.  Fuck off.

I mean, I thought Dean was going to die, and the scene actually did play out pretty similarly to how I thought.  It was probably the most powerful moment in the episode.  I am very glad that it was Dean’s choice, his choice and his peace to let go. 

“Let me look at you.  There he is.  I am so proud of you, Sam.”

I do love this, I love this because Dean is able to look at his work, the man that he raised, and tell him these things.  He was Sam’s parent, he raised Sam into the man he is today, and he should be damn proud of that.

I do love this most of scene, I really do, I love my boys, these brothers so damn much, and at least, at the very least, I have this scene of them.

Forehead touch was weird, I’m just gonna say it.

I feel like most of this episode was montages lol.  I mean I always hate sad Sam but at this point I still fully felt like we were going to get closure and we just...didn’t.

The Austin number was a cool detail, I liked that bc I picked up on it right away (since, you know, my phone is a 512 number lmao).

What a lackluster goodbye to the Bunker.  I had no clue that was going to be the last time we saw it ever.

FUCK AT LEAST I GOT MY DAMN HEAVEN BAR.

The scene with Bobby was nice, it was good to see him.  We did get our remade Heaven, that’s also nice to know.

“It ain’t just Heaven, Dean.  It’s the Heaven you deserve.”

He does deserve this.  An open Heaven, the people he loves, finally some peace, he deserves that, and I am glad that he got it.

Our second Cas mention.  Great.  Thanks guys.

I mean thanks Jim and Jensen for the microexpressions I guess lmao.

So I am supposed to believe.  That Dean.  Whose entire arc has been speaking his truth, specifically speaking his truth to Cas.  Where he has been stopped twice before this season.  Is going to just drive around in circles for forty years until Sam gets there?  Yeah, that’s gonna be a no from me, dawg.

And Sam gets married and has a kid that he names Dean, and the unspecified dark haired woman in the back of the ten minute montage is supposed to be enough for me to buy that it’s Eileen?  Bruh.

Also it’s BACK TO BACK MONTAGES???  WITH TWO VERSIONS OF CARRY ON WAYWARD SON?

Sam’s age makeup????  Hello????  AT FIRST THEY DIDN’T EVEN AGE HIM THEY JUST PUT HIM IN A WIG?????

That cover of Wayward Son did slap but was it enough?  No.

Even that bridge moment didn’t hit right because Sam didn’t cross it?  He was just suddenly there.

It just fucking sucks.  It sucks that their reunion doesn’t land right because they...didn’t do anything when they were apart.  Sam had his kid sure but Dean literally just drove around.  No mention of Cas or of Eileen.  Nothing.  So the last moment of this show I love feels tainted and hollow and just wrong.

It sucks.  I’m not going to lie.  But the worst thing about it?  Is that it doesn’t make any sense.  I have not spent two years of my life picking apart the writing rooms in Supernatural, lauding this current team for what they’ve accomplished for it to end like this.  I know many of you will regard me as a complete tinhat freak right now, but this, to me, does not feel like an episode that Andrew Dabb wrote.  Hell, it doesn’t feel like an episode of Supernatural.

None of the arcs were completed: Dean didn’t get to speak his truth to Cas, Sam never got to become the leader, the legacy hunter he was meant to.  We don’t see them with Cas or Eileen, we don’t even hear about them.

Listen, there’s a lot that...simply doesn’t add up to me.  First of all, the episode was SHORT, and most of it was montages. They had four montages AND the episode was only 38 minutes.  The series finale of the show was shorter than any other episode and had four multiple minute montages.  Okay.  Make it make sense.  Newsflash: it doesn’t, there is simply no way I can believe that there weren’t massive cuts and reworks done to this episode on an executive level.

I know there are people who will tell me that the writers are just bad and I need to accept that they gave me a shitty ending, but after all this time with this story, especially with Dabb’s arc, he just...doesn’t do shit like this.  His arcs are always complete, always tied up well, always have a button.  But this mess?  This confusing episode that left everything hanging with a cover of Wayward Son hanging in the air?  It just doesn’t add up to me.

This wasn’t the story they were telling, this hasn’t been the story they were telling all season, and I stand by that.

So, I sure do wish I could give you a better post. I wish that we had gotten something better.  I still, after everything, love this show, and will still be here in the morning.

Thanks guys.  Love y’all.

[fluffyglass]

THE MR. FUSSY A BITCH MASTERPOST

I essentially remade the Mr. Rude apologism masterpost but with Mr. Fussy this time, in an attempt to see whether my newfound disliking of Mr. Fussy is justified or not. I've watched every single Mr. Fussy segment and determined whether he's an asshole or not, simple as that.

Season 1

Mr. Fussy is in 42 episodes in Season 1.

In 8 of these episodes does he do something wrong.

Season 2

Mr. Fussy is in 39 episodes in Season 2.

In 9 of these episodes does he do something wrong.

Conclusions

In total, Mr. Fussy did something wrong in 17 out of the 81 segments he's in, which is 20%. Counting the 7 I was unsure about, that's 23/81. 28%. Welp, that means I proved my point in doing this in the first place, I guess! It's official! Based off of my own data, Mr. Fussy is technically a bigger asshole than Mr. Rude!

Am I gonna do every single character? Probably.

Here, take my episode by episode analysis.

Welcome to the Episode by Episode analysis! Same colors as last time, minus blue as. Obviously he can't yell at himself.

Yellow - Mr. Fussy does nothing wrong

Red - Mr. Fussy does something wrong

Pink - I have no idea what to put for this one lmao

SEASON 1

Flying - He doesn't do anything wrong, he just wants to know if the pillow's clean. Even if he's a bit of a dick about it. Mr. Grumpy's the one who . yknow. kidnapped Mr. Bounce

Music - MR FUSSY A BITCH! He unfairly blamed Mr. Rude when Miss Naughty's the one who ruined the first performance :(

Physical - He doesn't do anything wrong, he was just judging the physical performance in his first bit and just participating in the relay race in his second bit

Farm - He doesn't do anything wrong he just got yeeted lmao

Lake - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Scatterbrain is just a moron

Beach - He doesn't do anything wrong, he just got justifiably mad at Mr. Scatterbrain for being a moron

Booboos - He doesn't do anything wrong, he just helped out Mr. Nervous with his splinter

Mall - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Messy is just gross

Books - fuck you Mr. Noisy

Camping - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! Why the fuck did you invite Miss Chatterbox if you wanted silence, you fuck? She legit just wanted to tell him that she saw the bird :(

Science - Mr. Fussy a bitch to the frogs smh

Paint - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Messy just isn't very considerate :(

Jobs - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Tickle a dumbass

Trains - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! Mr. Rude was literally just living his life you stuck up prick

Hobbies - MR. FUSSY a bit of a bitch? Like, he could've told Miss Naughty in advance that her performance was cancelled :( also he was a dick about it

Fair - he doesn't do anything wrong Miss Naughty's just a bitch

Movies - fuck you Mr. Noisy

Dance - he's barely in it and he's nice :)

Amusement Park - he doesn't do anything wrong he's just a dumbass

Rainy Day - he doesn't do anything wrong, even if he insulted Miss Calamity for no reason. He's just a bit of a dumbass

Dillydale Day - his only real crime is that terrible musical number he's in

Games - fuck you Mr. Noisy

Hotel - I love this bit so much holy fuck he doesn't do anything wrong also hes GAY and its AWESOME

Chores - he doesn't do anything wrong he's just like that

Snow - he doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Messy's just not very considerate

Food - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He's mean to Mr. Messy :(

Wildlife - he doesn't do anything wrong, cause he didn't mean to call Mr. Messy a repulsive animal

Restaurants - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! I don't wanna rewatch this one it makes me sad :(

Bugs - he's barely in it and he loses his fucking moustache what the fuck

Circus - hes kinda mean to everyone but not enough for me to count it

Cars - I DONT EVEN KNOW MAN HE'S NOT REALLY BAD HE'S JUST FUCKING STUPID

Canned Goods - he's barely in it and just kinda. exists

Ships - he barely even does anything in the bit he has

Cooking - he doesn't do anything wrong ig

Collecting - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He stole Mr. Messy's shoes and then destroyed his stuff cause he thought it was gross :(

Heatwave - he doesn't do anything wrong mr messy is just mr messy

Sleep - he doesn't do anything wrong

Carwash - I cant say for sure, I refuse to watch this segment again

Sightseeing - he doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Messy is just nasty. He's kind of a dick to him though

The Dark - I really don't know on this one. He's kinda mean throughout it but not enough to count but also i kinda wanna count it?? cause hes mean to mr messy a lot??? its weird, he also didnt let mr messy back into his house when he was scared :(

Parade - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He made fun of both Mr. Rude and Mr. Messy's floats and made up a rule specifically against Mr. Messy which is super fucked up man

SEASON 2

Picnics - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Stubborn is just laughably stupid

Driving - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He didn't want to help Miss Chatterbox and Mr. Tickle, and even tried to ignore Miss Scary and Mr. Quiet rather than help them :(

Outer Space - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He asks Miss Scary and Miss Naughty "what's wrong with them" when they were just having fun, and doesn't believe them when the real aliens show up :(

Clean Teeth - does this even count as him being an asshole? like yeah he freaks out on Mr. Rude but he's kinda justified in doing it?? this shouldnt count as him being an asshole but I like mr. rude so. yeah, i'm biased. im not counting this one as mr fussy a bitch but im not giving it a yellow. like, he also calls him disgusting and is a dick the entire time but he's in the right so . ???????? he also calls mr messy gross at the end what am i supposed to do here

Airports - hes a bit of a dick but yeah he was gonna miss his flight thats justified

Shoes - he doesn't do anything wrong he's just trying his best

Arts and Crafts - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He's mean to Mr. Strong and Mr. Messy, and even calls Mr. Messy's art junk :(

Game Shows - he doesn't do anything wrong, he even makes Mr. Happy a quilt :) Mr. Stubborn is just a fucking moron NEVERMIND MR FUSSY STOLE THE FUCKING QUILT BACK???? RUDE

Garages - he's actually really really nice in this bit!! :D he let Mr. Messy keep his bike in his garage and put off mopping his floor to hang out with Mr. Nosey and Mr. Small :)

Eyeglasses - he's barely in it and is fine ig

Toys - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! oh my fucking god he was doing so good and then right at the end he had to go and be a sore loser, call Mr. Messy disgusting, etc. fucker

Hats - he does nothing wrong, he just wants a hat

Robots - he just lost his bread man

Parties - another gay icon segment! hes pretty poggrs

Up and Down - hes barely in it and hes good

Dining Out - hes fine ig? kind of a dick but not especially so

Gifts - is his fucking birthday hell yea

Telephone - once again i refuse to watch it, i'm assuming he's fine

Seashore - he just vibed the entire time

Washing & Drying - he kinda just existed

Sneezes & Hiccups - yeah. he yells at mr messy for something he cant control but. yehjv

Radio - miss helpful you dumbass

Supermarket - he just wanted some cereal man

Cinema - dude a bunch of gay men invaded his car

Getting Around - yeah

Pets - im getting tired of writing notes hes good ig

Dance Dance Dance - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! for one, he's mean to Mr. Rude the entire time, for two, he completely fucking drags Miss Scary's performance the entire time, and for three - he talks through it the entire time! fucker!!!

Library - just wanted his book man

Pirates - yeah

Goo - Miss Naughty you fucking bitch fucjk you fucky ou fuck you! FUCK YOU!!!!

Trains and Planes - he's kind of dickish but otherwise fine

Lunch - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! For one, why the fuck did you invite Mr. Messy if you didn't want "messiness" at your pristine fucking picnic, why the fuck did you invite Miss Chatterbox if you didn't want her talking, etc, but he's also very ignorant of Mr. Quiet's warnings of the bear ):(

Machines - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU BUY MR. MESSY A MACHINE THAT CLEANS HIS HOUSE??? AGAINST HIS WISHES??? AND HE FUCKING SPECIFICALLY ASKS TO GET IT OUT BUT YOU DONT FUCKING LISTEN AND PROCEED TO CRITICISE HIM??? IT'S HIS FUCKING SPACE, FOR ONE, AND YOU KNOW CLEANLINESS MAKES HIM UNCOMFORTABLE! YOU FUCK! im so fucking mad

Birds - he doesn't do anything wrong he gets fucking yeeted

Bath and Bubbles - this is the only Mr. Fussy bit where he's actually happy at the end and yknow what? boyboss moment

Sand and Surf - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! I know this is a trend but yes, he's a dick to Mr. Quiet and ignores everything he says.

Parks - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He spends the entire segment bullying Mr. Messy and I am tired of it

Travel - hes kinda dickish the entire time but mmmmmyeah

Bad Weather - i didnt want to watch this one again cause it sucks, i'm assuming he's fine

If you've read to the bottom, then I'm sure you're actually interested in what I have to say about him/the other mr men and little misses. Because I'm definitely going to be doing more of these, please acknowledge going forward that I am one, singular teenager. A teenager susceptible to my own bias, especially when it comes to some of the "negative" characters. Don't take my percentages and data too seriously, as it's all technically based off of my opinions of each segment. Ok bye bye Mr. Noisy's next

[aerithagainstabusers]

So I saw Greg’s review of the Final Fantasy 7 Remake and it was so dumb I had to pick it apart so here we go. Spoilers for the remake below

This starts off bad. Immediately Greg is whining that the game isn’t what he wants. He complains about knowing the characters too well which is an absolutely insane thing to complain about. The deaths of the AVALANCHE don’t mean much in the original. You meet them a few times then they die. You have no connection to them

By getting to know them more - like Wedges love for the Sector Seven cats and how Jessie was an actress before her dad became gravely Ill after working for Shinra, they become more human. You can relate to them more and there’s more investment there. So when the fall of that plate comes? Losing them is more impactful than in the original

The battle system can be set to the same as the original in classic mode except you can’t physically attack (that is automatically done for you) so Greg can’t really complain about that. Sounds like he’s mad he died at bosses he didn’t die to in the original

His complaint about Sephiroth is weird. He’s the main bad guy. He needs to show up. With Sephiroth in the OG, you only hear about him a few times while in Midgar, where the remake is set. They need to bring him In much earlier and show Cloud suffering PTSD to understand this guy is a threat.

He also complains about not having a lot to do. And yeah while it’s not as open you have way more to do. The side quests are actually side quests - with the original, the only side quests you really have before leaving Midgar is dressing Cloud up and getting the perfume, tiara, and underwear. Otherwise? You’re stuck doing what the game tells you to do

You might ask “why are you always saying ‘in the original when you’re in Midgar’and I’ll explain that now

This. Is. Not. A. Spoiler.

The creators said from the start it would only be in Midgar and it would be an episodic game. All the promotional materials showed the game only in Midgar. It was obvious that IT WAS ONLY IN MIDGAR. Greg has no right to complain.

Now yes. You don’t have the same free travel but there is more to travel and there’s so much more content to make up for the fact you can’t leave the city. And by doing so, Midgar comes alive. So when you leave? It feels more of a loss and like you are leaving somewhere you have a connection to. Now this was disappointing because I was definitely wanting more. Like I wanted to keep playing in because it was dragging me in. But it was clear from the start and they were transparent with this. Greg clearly wasn’t looking all the things that were coming out about the game since you knew what was going on.

It even says on the back of the box it’s going to be the story in Midgar and that it’s the first game of the remake “project” and would go deeper into the city

Why is Greg surprised and acting like he’s being cheated out?

His next complaint is.... very worrying

Nanaki in the original never acted like a pervert with Aerith. He acted like he was aggressive to lower Hojos guard but that’s a nitpick. But the rest? Holy fuck Greg, STAY AWAY FROM WOMEN

in the remake, Hojo does not have plans to crossbreed Aerith and Nanaki. Instead? He wants to have SOLIDERS repeatedly rape her so she can “breed” and laughs in her face as he tells her all about how he ripped her mother’s corpse to shreds so he can continue to investigate her. There’s only molecules left of Iflana. He also tries to kill Cloud, Tifa, and Barret so he can show aerith their corpses to kill her hope she’ll be saved

But more importantly, Hojo's proposal in the remake is far more horrifying than in the original. He wants her to be raped over and over. Why the fuck doesn’t Greg see this as being bad an as a “P.C. culture” addition? What is wrong with you, dude. How do these things not show how insane he is

The cross-dressing is a stupid complaint. So you don’t get to go to a brothel and watch a small cutscene. Who cares? You get to see Cloud perform on stage at a cabaret and he is dressed up while on stage while you do a mini game. And that isn’t fun? Okay, Greg.

The events he’s talking about by the way? You fight in a Colosseum, you can choose to help Johnny, and/or you can do the iconic squatting game. Then you go to the Honeybee Inn, do a dancing minigame, and perform on stage. 

As opposed to the original where you talk to a man and tell him what dress you want. Do the most squats, Buy some wine at an inn, have a bath with a bunch of men, and give a woman some medicine. The amount of time you spend doing that will take you the same amount of time to do one side quest in the remake. Of course, the original had it’s restrictions because of the platform it’s on, but the remake definitely did go out of its way to expand that and make it feel like you were doing more.

This is a bit more valid. Like I get having nostalgia for the OG game and preferring it and that’s okay! But the Harry Potter comparison ruins it. Also Greg doesn’t seem to realise the difference between a remake and a remaster. The game is being remade. Of course the gameplay is going to change. Turn based games aren’t viable anymore and considering how good the graphics are, it would ruin the immersion. They had to change things like this to make it more modern. Remember, they aren’t just making this for fans. They’re wanting to bring in new people. 

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE REMAKE

SO PLEASE

IF YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED IT

READ THIS NEXT PART WITH ABSOLUTE CAUTION OKAY?

OKAY

SPOILER

WARNING

OVER

I really hope this is just a joke that Zack wasn’t mentioned before he appeared. But considering this is Greg, and how he really doesn’t seem to understand this game, I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t know the significance of this scene. He says later in this article that it took him 24-40 hours to finish the game. Which, if you actually complete it (by doing all side quests, unlocking all limit breaks for everyone, getting master materia etc) it should take you ninety hours. Which makes me think he never went to Nibleheim and saw the cutscene of what happened to Zack and Cloud. Because FF7 is a very quick game if you just focus on the main quests. If you actually dig down deep? You can go way past the timer and have it frozen at 99:99:99. I don’t think he did anything in the original game and just did whatever the game told him to do without looking at anything else.

I really hope this is just a stupid edgy joke because Zack is a well-loved character but you never fucking know with this moron.

I understand his complaints about Nanaki. Nanaki is always in my party in the original so I was bummed you couldn’t play him, but he appears in the penultimate chapter. The writers probably didn’t feel it was worth their while to add him as a party member, and instead, make him a guest who helps.

The Sephiroth complaint is stupid because he’s missed the point. Up until he appears in the Shinra building, he isn’t actually there. Cloud is hallucinating. He is shown as being mysterious and unreachable as Cloud tries to get to him or freaks out whenever he sees an image of him.

Honestly this just sounds like Greg is mad it’s not the exact same as the original.

Which would just be boring, in my opinion.

Y’know what I said about Greg doing what the game told him to do and nothing else? Yeah this is proof. You have an All materia. It’s called ‘magnify’. And unless you didn’t look for treasure or looked at the new materia when you collected it? You would know this is the all materia. The summons in this game aren’t what they are in the original. You can’t use them in every battle and they only come in boss battles or otherwise difficult encounters because in the remake, it’s made clear that they are incredibly powerful. They come to you maxed out. Which he would know if he paid attention.

I will agree with him to an extent about the maxed out materia. Materia is easy to obtain in the remake (Cloud says this to Aerith when she playfully brags about having it), so if Greg had critical thinking, it would be clear that they don’t sell well is because .... well, it’s easy to max out. Everyone is doing it. But I will agree with him that the game is ‘too short’ in a sense, since having Firaga in only Midgar can be problematic for later games. I do have to wonder what they’ll do in the next episodes. Will you have to level up the magic power after upgrading it so Firaga does the same damage in later dungeons as it did in the sewers of Midgar? It would also be neat to physically ride the chocobos through Midgar to make life easier but I also understand why they had the carriages  as it makes it less weird when Tifa suddenly appears in one when she’s going to Don Corneo’s only to never see a carriage in Midgar again, and the loading screen when they ake you from place to place does make it quicker for you to get places.

Still, it would be nice to ride them at some point so I will give Greg this complaint.

Like I said above, if you do everything in the original it should take you 90 hours. If it took Greg 2 days cumulatively at his highest estimate, he’s not completing the game, and he’s not achieving anything.

For comparison, here’s my latest game

As you can see, it’s at 44 hours. I have done all the sidequests (excluding the one mandatory Fort Condor which would add more time on to it but I didn’t want to do that this time around). I have reached the bottom of the crater, however, I have not done anything further and am now focusing on doing the rest I need to do. Like getting to level 99 on everyone, maxing out my command, summon, and magic materia to get the master materia for those three. Or maxing out all four enemy skill materia. Or getting everyone's limit breaks, or beating the weapons. Because these things take time. I could easily run and kill Sephiroth in that run right now. I could finish the game. But as I’m wanting to complete it as much as I can, then I can’t do that. And that’s not me doing a perfect game where you need to get 99 of each item you can (excluding things like the battery where you can only get three of). If you’re doing a perfect game, it takes even longer but honestly, that’s not something I’d say you’d need to do to ‘finish’ the game. That’s only if you want to challenge yourself.

Also might I add, the remake? It takes about 40 hours to finish it (I don’t know if that includes sidequests). This means in one part of a game  is the same length as the original if you don’t do any sidequests in the OG. I don’t know what Greg is talking about by ‘achieving less’. Yeah you don’t go to as many places, but considering this will be in different parts like the original, you do way more in the remake than you do in the original while in Midgar. 

The random encounters are definitely less in the remake. They don’t happen every a certain number of steps. Instead, you stumble across them in a realistic way rather than have a screen transition. It is way more immersive and again, is something that makes the game feel alive. It feels like an obstacle to overcome to get to the next place rather than an interruption like the original game random encounters (which I do love by the way, but it is very much a product of it’s time)

The next part also makes me laugh. He seems to think that because the other game has things finish ‘faster’ means it’s more productive. Which really shows he thinks his channel is great because he does more videos in a short period of time. Which, yeah, on a surface level it is more “productive”, but it’s not exactly exciting game play, is it? 

For comparison. Aerith says in the original that Sector Six is dangerous so she’ll help him out... but it takes about two minutes to go through and the random encounters are incredibly easy. It’s also not explained why the place is in ruins.

In the remake however, Aerith leads Cloud through it as Cloud is unfamiliar with it, and it is more of a challenge to get through, and he actually needs her help to get through the rubble. She explains part of the plate collapsed the tunnel and that’s why it’s such a mess. You get attacked by bandits on the way there and you spend an entire chapter trying to get through sector six, as it becomes the threat and the difficult path Aerith describes in the original. Rather than a place you just pass through with no issue, making you wonder “why the hell is Aerith insisting she goes with me?” outside of her having a crush. 

It’s small details like that which make the game come alive and actually makes you feel like you did something rather than it being a place you just passed through. It takes you longer, but it feels more like an achievement.

No one feels like they achieved something when you leave Sector Six and go to the park outside Sector Seven’s gates. Because it’s just a road to get to where you need to go. Your next challenge is trying to get Cloud chosen as the girl for Corneo but that is optional. I mean, if you prefer that it’s easier to get through as you like just seeing the story than solving dungeons, that’s fine! But this just shows Greg’s ‘quantity is quality” mindset. 

Also, when you climb up the plate to get to the Shinra building? IN the original, you climb up some pipes. The hardest part is the swinging pipe, which is incredibly easy when you time your jump to the squeaking of the pipe. They tell you it’ll be difficult to get to the Shinra building... when it takes you all of five minutes.

The remake has you climbing up the plate and broken buildings, using a grappling gun to get to higher ground when your walking path is done, while you get attacked by Shinra soliders trying to stop you from getting to higher ground when they recognise you as AVALANCHE. While it’s not hard it definitely feels more of a challenge than “climb up this pipe. jump onto that pipe, now climb up another pipe” in the original. And with the Shinra soliders while you can stop them easily, it does make you feel that getting there is going to be a struggle, or at least something that’s inconvenient and it’ll be ‘hard’ because people will try and stop you along the way.

Although I do wish that when you were in the Shinra building, you had to do more sneaking in the higher floors like you did in the original, but at least the game does give you a reason why you don’t need to sneak around. The mayor’s off hand comment about hating Shinra as he gives you a keycard in the original is expanded to the Mayor being a member of AVALANCHE who is actively helping you.

 I also think it's funny he complains about “mundane tasks” when the original game is full of that, too. All JRPGs have it

Basically, this entire review of Greg’s can be “WAHHH IT’S NOT THE ORIGINAL WHY IS IT MAKING ME WORK HARD!” and it’s hilarious

[princessanneftw]

The Crown's Erin Doherty on playing Princess Anne – the voice, the hair and the style

By Caroline Leaper, Senior Fashion Editor for Stella Magazine.

As she joins acting royalty for the new series of the hit TV show, the actress discusses her transformation into a princess and just how long it takes to create THAT ’do

Erin Doherty is explaining how much fun it is to pretend to be very, very posh when you’re not. In the lead-up to playing Princess Anne in the new season of the hit Netflix drama The Crown, she says that she spent days practising her best royal voice in mundane scenarios, and offers to order a smoothie at the café we’ve met in ‘as Anne’, by way of demonstration.

‘Anne’s accent, and the whole family’s accent, is so weird,’ she laughs, snapping back into her own south London dialect. ‘It’s alien to me, I’ve never heard anyone else talk like that. My natural voice is the opposite. I watched YouTube videos and would practise when ordering a coffee, or speaking to people I didn’t know. The reactions were brilliant; I’m looking casual with this crazy posh voice coming out of me.’ Indeed, today she looks quite unroyal in her Breton top, khaki trousers and Birkenstocks.

Playing the Princess Royal is Erin’s first major television role. The 27-year-old from Crawley had a small part in the BBC adaptation of Les Misérables this year, and appeared in an episode of Call the Midwife back in 2017, but has otherwise stuck to the stage, graduating from Bristol Old Vic Theatre School to The Young Vic and The Old Vic, after being hailed a rising star of her generation. She is palpably excited about being in The Crown, and refreshingly honest about how she’s ‘winging it’ on one of the most anticipated TV shows of the year. She does, I should say now, deliver an incredibly convincing Anne. When casting director Nina Gold told her she had got the part, she celebrated by having a curry.

The Crown season three will span more than a decade, from 1964 to 1977, warranting an all-new cast to play the ageing royals. 
Olivia Colman picks up from Claire Foy as Queen Elizabeth, Tobias Menzies follows Matt Smith’s Duke of Edinburgh and Helena Bonham Carter takes over from Vanessa Kirby as Princess Margaret. We’ve reached the years when the Queen’s children are coming of age; Erin’s Anne is in her late teens when we meet her, and is full of fantastically feisty opinions about being ‘launched’ as an adult in the Royal family.

We all know the plot, or so we think, as The Crown is based on real events. But the brilliance of the show is that we don’t know which bits of history creator Peter Morgan will zoom in on. Season three might cover the time when, in 1974, Ian Ball attempted to abduct Anne and hold her to ransom for £3 million. (‘Not bloody likely,’ she famously said to her kidnapper, and her father Prince Philip quipped, ‘She would have given him a hell of a time in captivity...’). We might get to see Erin in bridal attire, as Anne’s first wedding to Captain Mark Phillips took place in 1973.

Erin is tight-lipped about which events do and do not make the cut. ‘You know what happens to Anne,’ she says. ‘It’s not hard to guess. But Peter makes these people so fascinating because of the way he focuses on stories which might not have been the headlines everyone remembers.’

Anne’s story, Erin says, was largely unknown to her before she began researching ahead of her audition. ‘Princess Anne, honestly, didn’t mean anything to me,’ she explains. ‘Like a lot of people who grow up in Britain, I think, [the Royal family was] always just there. My family watched the Queen’s speech at Christmas, but other than that, you feel a bit removed from it. I had to research her and then I realised, wow, this woman is awesome. I fell in love with her.’

Anne’s reputation as the reluctant, truculent royal, who was more interested in riding horses than wearing ballgowns and playing the part, has come good of late. Where once the tabloid press dubbed her ‘rude’, ‘dowdy’ and ‘austere’, her dependability, cracking wit and commitment to public duty now see her celebrated as the most hard-working royal each year (she completed 180 days of engagements in 2018, 20 more than Prince Charles). And her never-wavering signature style suddenly chimes with the fashion industry’s new drive for more sustainable shopping. ‘At 69, Princess Anne’s country-chic look and penchant for rewearing couldn’t be more on trend,’ a fellow fashion editor of this newspaper wrote back in August.

Erin discovered pretty quickly that her new ‘family’ is full of eccentric, fun and 
complex characters. In one of her first scenes, she is sitting around a television with the Queen and Princess Margaret for tea, cigarettes and whisky, to watch Royal Family, the famously ill-fated 1969 BBC documentary (the reception to it was so bad that it was banished after airing, with the press suggesting director Richard Cawston’s fly-on-the-wall approach had ‘cheapened’ the monarchy). In real life, of course, that meant cosying up with her new co-stars, a cast of national treasures and Oscar-winners.

‘Scenes like that were surreal, but everyone was so normal on set,’ Erin says. ‘Seeing someone like Helena be so calm and cool has been a gift. What makes it weird is that I then go home to my houseshare and my housemates are like, “Your job is insane, did you see Olivia Colman today?” I obviously can’t tell her that they love her in Fleabag every day, that would be weird. And ultimately I’m trying to be like her daughter and build this relationship up with her, so the main goal for me is to forget about the fact that she is Olivia Colman. My dad is the worst for it, he took a flight and texted me, “I’ve just seen Olivia Colman doing the BA safety advert – tell her she’s great in it.”’

As well as the voice, the other thing to get right when becoming Anne was the hair. Today, Erin’s hair is soft, straight and centre-parted. She says it takes a lot of work to mould it into the Princess Royal’s trademark style each day.

‘The hair takes a solid hour and a half,’ she laughs. ‘Most of that time is spent backcombing and setting it with hairspray. Sometimes if it’s not poofy enough, we have to use a sponge doughnut underneath to hold it up more. I’m no wiser as to how she actually does hers. It must be pretty solid, as she doesn’t change it much.’

In Anne’s youth, Erin points out, the Princess typically only set half of her head, leaving some hair down and smooth at the back. For season four, though, which started filming this month, Erin is expecting to double her time in the hair chair, as Anne switches to her mainstay full halo. ‘It takes even more time if she’s wearing any sort of a hat,’ she groans. ‘I brace myself if it’s a hat day.’

Costume was crucial to Anne’s character. This season of The Crown will revisit the Princess’s fashion heyday in the ’60s and ’70s, when she wore sharp checked suiting and chic flares, and was photographed by Norman Parkinson in the era’s Pucci-esque saturated floral prints. Costume designer Amy Roberts recreates some of Anne’s most memorable outfits – many of which would still look relevant and stylish today.

‘She was so on-trend in the 1960s and ’70s. She figured out her style at that age and she has stuck with it ever since,’ says Erin. ‘I created a Pinterest board of her outfits and I saw this amazing thing of Anne throughout the years, reusing her gowns, sometimes rocking it again 20 years later. I love that about her. She must not get rid of anything.

‘My favourite outfit, though,’ she continues, ‘is the one in the first scene you’ll see from me. The idea is that her parents have just pulled her away from riding and she’s 
angry and stressy, so I’m wearing riding boots and stomping around.’

Erin understood that, of all the looks, this would likely be the one that the Princess Royal herself would favour too. ‘So often she’s in these amazing ballgowns, but you can tell that this would be her preference,’ she says. ‘It just feels more like her. Because of her sporting side, I don’t think she gets enough credit as a style icon. You meet some people who remember that she was fashionable, but a lot are like, nope, she’s just horses.’

Ah, the horses. For Olympic athlete and European eventing champion Anne, riding has been a passion since childhood. For Erin, it was a case of all the equestrian gear and no idea.

‘I’d never been horse riding before filming this, it was the first time I’d ever put on jodhpurs,’ she admits. ‘After my initial meeting with the casting team, my agent rang and was like, “Are you OK with horses?” The part was still in the balance, so I said, “Yeah, of course I am.” As soon as I put the phone down I thought 
I can’t believe I’ve just said that. It’s notorious that actors will say they can do something and learn how later, isn’t it? I was petrified. Luckily I had 
a bit of time, so it’s sorted now and I can ride.’

Horses may not have been on the agenda for Erin growing up, but football was. ‘I was pretty good – I was scouted to play for Chelsea,’ she says. ‘I really hated school, so I lived for the weekends; I’d play football on a Sunday morning, and then in the afternoon I would go to stage school. When I was about 14, the schedule was getting so intense that my dad said I needed to choose one. I still do my keepy-uppies in the garden. I’d love it if someone remade Bend It Like Beckham – I’d be totally prepared for that part.’

Erin is one of three children (she has an older sister and a younger brother), and her mother, a retired medical practice administrator, and father, who works in airline operations, split up when she was four and now, respectively, live in Guildford and Folkestone. She’s living in south-east London in a houseshare with strangers who have become friends, and who work in entirely different fields. She grew up, she says, happily hanging around in Croydon wearing a tracksuit. ‘That was our best town to go to with your friends.’

When The Crown was first released, the original cast found themselves famous around the world. Appetite for the show is especially high in the US where, as Erin points out, ‘they flip for the royals.

‘It exploded for the last cast didn’t it?’ she considers. ‘They’re all pretty high-profile now. It’s mental what could happen, but I’m really not prepared for it and I also don’t think it’s healthy to expect it. Imagine thinking your world is going to change then nothing happens, that would be heartbreaking. I don’t think people would really recognise me in the street anyway, I look quite different when I’m not made-up with the hair.’

Claire Foy and Vanessa Kirby, particularly, benefited from the magazine covers and fashion status that came with the territory, as designers from Erdem to 
Gucci vied to dress them on the red carpet.

‘I’ve never really done a red-carpet event,’ Erin says. ‘I was speaking to my publicist and I think we’re going to get a stylist to help. Honestly, these conversations are so alien to me. It’s actually more intimidating to do these things where you have to be yourself. I can get very anxious and I’m more of an introvert if I’m not acting, so the simpler these things are and the less I have to think about what I look like, the better.’

Her photo shoot with Stella is the first that she’s done, an experience that she enjoyed, she says, because she was able to treat it like playing a role.

In her own life, comfort takes priority. ‘My style is pretty androgynous,’ she says, ‘I’m all about not abiding by gender norms, not because I have any particular view of myself that way, but I like messing things around and trying different things. I’ve always been sporty and I’m drawn to clothes that are baggy. What I hope is that you’ll still be able to see me [even when I’m dressed up on the red carpet] and I’ll look back and think this whole experience was amazing and fun, not a surreal period of my life that I didn’t really live in.’

It will be surreal, probably. But Erin seems to have put in the work to ensure that her portrayal isn’t a caricature, and she has got under the skin of one of the nation’s famously-hardy senior royals. She did weeks of research, listened to the historians on set, nailed that voice and even investigated Anne’s Chinese zodiac sign, just in case it gave a crumb of insight to work with. ‘Anne’s a metal tiger,’ she confirms.

Talented, funny, hard-working and, crucially, not at all starstruck by the royals. It is, likely, exactly what the Princess Royal herself would want from the person deemed tough enough to play her.

[biscuitreviews]

Biscuit Reviews Final Fantasy VII Remake

For many people Final Fantasy VII was a gateway to the JRPG genre and the Final Fantasy series. Final Fantasy VII was actually the second game in the series I played and I loved this just as much as Final Fantasy VIII. In fact, I used to have a Spring Break tradition when I was in high school where I would play Final Fantasy VII from start to finish. The original Final Fantasy VII hasn’t aged well in the visual department, but the gameplay is still really solid. The Materia system is still regarded as one of the best advancement systems in any RPG, and its influence is still felt today in many titles. I still remember 15 years ago when the PS3 tech demo came out showing the newly remade intro to Final Fantasy VII and like many, I too wondered if this was the beginning of a remake of the game. 

Square Enix would deny this saying it was just a demo of the PS3 capabilities and rather than remake the game, they decided to expand on Final Fantasy VII, with a movie (Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children), a mobile game (Before Crisis: Final Fantasy VII), a PS2 third person shooter (Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus), and a PSP Prequel (Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core). All these entries were not great, with the exception of Crisis Core, which followed SOLDIER Zack Fair and how he kickstarted the events that occured in Final Fantasy VII. 

Like many fans, I too entered the Final Fantasy VII Remake with extreme caution. My main worry wasn’t if content would change, but rather if everyone’s personality would mirror Advent Children. That was my biggest concern because Advent Children really brought down the cast quite a bit. Needless to say, they more or less kept in line with how they were originally portrayed in the original game with some extra moments where they all shine.

I want to first mention that as you probably know that the Remake only covers the Midgar section of the original story, which consisted of five in-game hours of the original. I do also want to mention that there will be some spoilers, but I won’t be spoiling the new things in the Remake, but rather spoiling the instances that the Remake shares with the original. I will have a spoiler discussion at the end which will be marked by the “Keep Reading” cut. Final Fantasy VII Remake will follow a episodic release and I have to say, Square missed the opportunity to call this Final Fantasy VII Remake: Disc 1. Then again, maybe that could have potentially caused confusion towards potential new fans.

You are Cloud Strife, an EX-SOLDIER and mercenary hired by AVALANCHE to assist them in their mission to take down the Shinra Corporation. Cloud will meet various allies to help on his journey that include: Barret, the leader of AVALANCHE, Tifa, a bar owner and member of AVALANCHE, and Aerith, a flower girl from the Sector 5 Slums.

Many classic characters get expanded upon as well. Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie get backstories and more personality. Biggs is just a big softie, Wedge’s personality is food, and Jessie’s personality is sexual harassment. I tried reporting her to AVALANCHE’s HR, but there wasn’t one and Barret wouldn’t listen to me, so Cloud just had to deal I guess.

For fans of the original, all the classic moments are still here. The Sector 1 attack, the Airbuster fight, Cloud in drag, all those moments are still present in this Remake. All of those moments are also really beautiful looking and even expanded upon in great ways that honor the original. They will definitely make fans of the original Final Fantasy VII just pause and admire the upgraded look of everything.

There were some places that got expanded upon for the sake of padding, but honestly it didn’t really much bother me, but to me it meant fighting in the newly upgraded ATB battle system.

The combat is the perfect evolution of the ATB battle system. You can attack and defend at will, but if you want to use special attacks, magic, or items, you have to let the ATB meter charge and fill up to use those commands. When you open the command menu, time slows down to give you a moment to find the command you want. You can even switch characters in the middle of battle to give them their own commands or even play as them during the fight.

I also love how some fights you have to really strategize how you’re going to handle the encounter. Staying as just one character isn’t going to cut it in some fights and there are some moments where you will have to take control of another character because they're better suited for that battle. You’ll also have to make sure go in with the proper Materia to expose weaknesses to gain the upper hand. Some of these fights are really hard and you’ll get pulverized for going in them ill-prepared and that’s just on the Normal difficulty.

The Materia system still works the same as it did with the original. You upgrade your materia by completing battles. However, now you can upgrade your weapons for additional stat boosts. Each weapon also has a weapon ability that you can learn. Once the ability is known, you can use that ability even if you have a different weapon equipped. You know how I mentioned earlier that having the proper Materia will help in a fight. Even though it’s not so much the case for weapons, there are 1 or 2 boss fight that you might want to consider switching weapons around for your characters.

Now, what about the other mode that Square advertised, Classic Mode, is that closer to the turn-based style from the original? No it’s not, in fact it’s Super Easy mode where attacking and defending happens automatically and you only worry about the commands, but even then you don’t have to bother much with commands as the game plays itself mostly. Don’t take this as me shaming anyone for playing this mode, if you want to play it on Classic, more power to you, but I also don’t want someone seeing it and thinking that the mode is something that it’s not.

Even though this game is a Remake, it doesn’t in any way erase the original game. The original Final Fantasy VII will always be there and it’s still worth giving it a look today if you’re curious about the rest of the story.

Now, I’m about to enter spoiler territory as there are moments that I do want to further discuss, so if you don’t want spoilers, I’ll give my score here and have the spoilers in the cut. Only go to the cut if you’ve played the game or don’t mind spoilers at all.

Final Fantasy VII Remake gets a 5 out of 5

Ok, Story Spoiler Discussion Time!

I have to say, I’m actually a big fan of the ending. I’ll admit when Sephiroth was introduced in Chapter 2, I was concerned that Square sped it up for the sake of the fans. When Barret was saved by Fate, I was concerned that it was just going to be a stupid plot device to make sure certain characters lived. 

Then the final chapter happened and everything made sense in a weird way. 

The fact that this is the same Sephiroth we’ve known since the original game, the fact that the Remake is actually a Sequel and what we experienced in the Remake was actually an alternative universe is something that I have to admit was a very risky gamble and I think it paid off. What happens next is unknown and now that anything can happen since this is actually a continuation of Sephiroth’s story occurring in an alternative universe, it opens a lot of possibilities and I’m excited to see what happens next!

I’m excited to learn more about how he got to this universe. Will the Prime Universe try to find ways to the alternate universe to continue to fight Sephiroth? Did fighting Fate alter the timeline of the alternate universe we’re experiencing. If anything, I think this was the best way to preserve the original, do a retelling of original events, alter them a little and then reveal that it’s an alternative universe that the original game has influences on. It also still makes the original important as it lets you see and experience how Sephiroth got to this point. It’s like the 2009 Star Trek movie and I have to say, I thought that was handled well.

Also, this hasn’t been confirmed by anyone in Square but I think Fate was a representation of the fans. Think about it, Fate was doing everything it could to make sure certain events played out exactly the same as they did before. Which is what the fans wanted in a Final Fantasy VII Remake, the same game, just prettier and modernized. With you fighting and killing Fate, I think it was Square’s way of showing what their thoughts on this was. They didn’t want to rehash the same story, they wanted to tell a new story. So by having Fate die, it showed that Square is going to do something new, but the fact that certain events still played out the same, also shows that Square will keep some of them, but at the end of the day, this is a new story. 

However, with that said, I still have concerns about the upcoming sequels to this game. Particularly, Tetsuya Nomura’s very recent quote that the team doesn’t know how many more sequels there will be and is in favor of doing smaller chunks of the original story. This concerns me that the continuation of this new arc of Final Fantasy VII’s story will go in the route of Kingdom Hearts. The first couple games will be great and amazing, and then it will start going downhill because Nomura will get bored, stop caring, and will start doing things because he thinks it’s cool.

There is some great potential and I hope that what happens next continues to pay off.

[patriiiarch]

Hi what are your thoughts on some of the lesser known addams family adaptations namely addams family reunion, the late 90s sitcom, the musical and the recent 2019 movie?

Addams Family Reunion was my first experience with the Addams Family. I had the VHS when I was a kid and I loved it. I remember taking it to my gran’s house and leaving it there just so I could have something to watch when visiting. But then I grew up and saw the early 90s movies, the tv show, and the 90s cartoon and I realized that those were WAY better.

Now whenever I see any scenes from that movie, I cringe. It’s just not great and none of the actors have chemistry with each other, which is so important for them as a family unit. Even the plot was dumb. The whole thing starts with them getting an invitation to a family reunion, but it’s addressed to the “Adams” and they’re just like lol ok guess that’s for us then. It’s just all a bit silly and lame, especially when it was the follow-up to the early 90s movies and the dream cast. 

From what I can remember, I don’t think I ever saw an episode of The New Addams Family when I was younger. To this day, I’ve only watched a few because I just can’t handle it. They remade the classic show’s episodes, but they just miss the mark. Maybe it’s a show that people would be attached to because of their childhood, but I don’t have that kind of attachment. I just remember my reaction to the first time I heard the new theme they had for it and just… nah. The Addams theme is too iconic to change. There are ways to update it, but don’t change its core.

The musical is ooc for a lot of the characters. It’s like they didn’t know how to make a musical about them without including some kind of unnecessary drama. First of all, Wednesday wants to marry this guy and she changes the way she dresses just to impress his family. She tells her parents that she wants “one normal night” and “can’t we be an average family” when she would never say that. The whole point of the Addams’ is that they aren’t aware that they’re abnormal. They think everyone else is strange! So, it’s weird for them to even entertain the thought of pretending they’re something they aren’t. They have this attitude of ‘we are who we are, take it or leave it.’ They wouldn’t change for anyone and Wednesday definitely wouldn’t change herself for a boy. What is this, Grease? 

Anyway, then we come to the issue with the portrayal of Morticia and Gomez’s relationship. Dear Lord! So, Wednesday goes to Gomez and tells him to keep her engagement a secret from her mother, which seems strange already. The family has always been really close with each other and for there to be this weird tension between mother and daughter is just bizarre. Again, drama for the sake of drama.

So, Gomez keeps the secret (even though he wouldn’t keep a secret from Tish) and then Morticia finds out and she’s angry about it. She’s so angry that she actually packs her bags and kisses a sleeping Pugsley goodbye (I’ve only seen the UK tour live so I’m not sure how many differences there are in other versions) and then goes right to the gate. Morticia was really going to abandon her children and husband over something like that. The family is all about sticking together through everything and this didn’t show that. So many people are always praising them for being the most functional family in fiction, but the musical cheapened them by throwing in some soap opera drama and dumb bs.

It gets worse, too. I remember there was a part that made it seem like Morticia had given up everything to have a family. Like she had so many dreams and goals, but she sacrificed a life of travel (she said that she never got to see the catacombs of Paris) to settle. It made it seem like having a family and being a wife was a second choice and it was very woe is me. I hated that. I don’t know how they got Morticia’s characterization so wrong. I could rant about this for days, but me and Rae ( @mortiiicia ) have literally gone on long Discord rants about this with each other. 

There are some good songs in the show. I do like When You’re An Addams, Happy/Sad, and Move Toward the Darkness. I wish they would do a completely new musical and keep them in character while having similar effects that the Beetlejuice musical has. But yeah, let me end my rant here before I go on and on.

I was surprised by the 2019 movie. The CGI made me wary and the trailers were a bit off-putting with some of the jokes and the forced meme-y dialogue on some of the promotional art. I think it was one of Pugsley’s posters that used a line that referred to something being “lit”. It also didn’t help when Cousin Itt rolled up to the house with Snoop Dogg music playing in that one trailer. I know he voices him (although there isn’t much to voice lmao) but I was like come on.

But surprisingly, I liked it more than I thought I would. It was actually pretty heartwarming and I liked that they gave Pugsley his own little storyline because he’s usually cast aside for Wednesday. Then they recreated the original show’s intro sequence at the end and, honestly, that was iconic. So, yeah! I didn’t hate it! 

I’m so protective of the Addams Family and I just want them to be portrayed well. The early 90s movies still reign supreme along with the TV show. The 90s cartoon is amazing, too. The 70s one? Eh, that one was a bit all over the place, but I think that was more to do with the dated jokes and Gomez’s voice acting in that is WEIRD (and not the good kind.) I have the boxset of the 70s cartoon and will give it another go at some point. I just wish there was a DVD release of the 90s one :(

But yeah! That’s how I feel about the different portrayals. Thanks for the question!

[mst3kproject]

601: Girls Town

 This movie is vile but the episode has some amazing moments. The joke about assassinating Eisenhower nearly choked me the first time I heard it, and I love the skit about the honour system.  It reminds me of the one about Bobo’s Sandwich, in that I know where it’s going but it’s the trip that makes it work.  There’s something about Mike’s complete obliviousness while the wrappers fly that just kills me.

A guy named Chip tries to rape his date, and she allows him to fall off a cliff to his death (insert gif of woman with teacup saying “good for her”).  His friends know he was supposed to be out with a girl named Silver – she denies being there, but they turn her over to the police, who send her to a Catholic reform school called Girls Town.  Meanwhile, Chip’s ham-faced buddy Fred realizes it was actually Silver’s sister, Mary Lee, whom Chip attacked.  Fred decides to blackmail her, and Silver must somehow find the time to let God into her heart and escape Girls Town to help her.  Meanwhile meanwhile, a girl named Serafina tries to commit suicide because a squashed-looking singer named Jimmy will never love her.

Let’s count the attempted sexual assaults in this movie. We start off with Chip trying to rape Mary Lee.  Then a guy tries to force himself on a girl during the supposedly comedic fight scene. Serafina literally throws herself at Jimmy, twice.  The detective repeatedly tries to get cuddly with Silver when he knows she’s underage. Fred’s plan is to sell Mary Lee into sexual slavery in Tijuana, and at the climax, another one of Chip’s ham-faced friends is trying to rape her all over again.  Oh, and Silver is supposed to be seventeen and Mary Lee fifteen, so even if any of these encounters were consensual the men involved would still be rapists.

This is, obviously, repulsive, but it’s also the entire point of the film.  We’re here to see a bunch of titillating bad behaviour, just barely held together by an outline of a story.  There are two things in Girls Town that might be called a plot – one is the intrigue among the teenagers of who killed Chip and why, the other is Silver coming to realize that she can’t go through life without help, whether from God or other people.  Both these stories, however, happen almost entirely in the background in order to make more room for the exploitation content.

And what a lot of exploitation content there is!  We’ve got leering shots of Mamie Van Doren in all kinds of form-fitting clothing.  We’ve got girl fights with slapping and pulling hair.  We’ve got the aforementioned assaults, which are dropped quite casually into the narrative and never more than barely dealt with. There’s parties and dangerous drag racing and teen idols and the weird ‘scandal’ thing about Serafina’s obsession with Jimmy, which Jimmy seems determined to foster when he really should be getting a restraining order.  Yes, there’s something here for everybody, except of course for people who like good movies!  I find myself wondering if the writers weren’t given a list of things the studio wanted to include, and had to find a way to fit them all into one ninety-minute movie.

The result, as one might imagine, is utterly foul, and while it’s more unified than it might have been, I don’t even want to give it credit for that because it is so utterly nasty and sexist.  When it was first released I suspect the movie felt like a trick, like it lured in an audience with the promise of a good time, only to wag its fingers and tell them to say their prayers.  From the standpoint of sixty years later, it just reeks of hypocrisy. I’m pretty sure the church frowns on taking pleasure in (or profit off) debauched behaviour, even fictional debauched behaviour. Are we really supposed to enjoy all that and then take away the lesson that we should be loving, pious people? Are we honestly meant to believe that the film-makers were sincere about that message?

I commented on the use of the archetypes of maiden, mother, and whore in my review of Untamed Youth and here it is again in Girls Town, even less subtly.  The nuns are obviously mothers, even the ones whose official title is ‘sister’, because that is the role they fill towards the students.  The students themselves come into Girls Town as whores and leave having been remade as maidens, which is Silver’s arc mainly – as illustrated with a rubber mallet to the face when she meets her former self on the way out – but we see the same thing in others, too.  Serafina begins the movie ready to be a whore for Jimmy, and ends it as a maiden, having become a novice nun.  Mary Lee spends the whole movie under threat of becoming a whore, but in the end manages to preserve her maiden-ness with Silver’s help.

The sins and stories of the male characters are equally simplistic. Jimmy seems to have spent his whole life atoning for the theft of a laughable forty dollars (this might have been less laughable in the 50s, but it still wasn’t exactly a fortune). He is in the movie as a literal deus ex machina.  When Silver prays, it’s Jimmy’s car that God sends to her, thereby saving Mary Lee. Jimmy is also the instrument of Serafina’s redemption, inspiring her to marry the Lord instead of lusting after singers.  I don’t think it’s an accident that his name is James.  St. James the Greater is the patron of pilgrims, or those who go on a journey seeking salvation.

(Not that this has anything to do with anything, but when I looked that up I learned that the epithets ‘St. James the Greater’ and ‘St. James the Lesser’ are supposed to specify that one was ‘Tall Jim’ and the other was ‘Short Jim.’)

The only other major male presence in the film is Fred. Characters like Chip’s grieving father and the detective are introduced as if they will be important, but after a scene or two they vanish and never recur.  Where Jimmy is almost literally the movie’s saint, Fred is its devil.  Almost everything he does is reprehensible, starting with harassment and moving up through vehicular homicide to human trafficking!  If they could have gotten away with making him a cannibal they probably would have done that, too.

Girls Town therefore presents a world in which humans can be tidily divided into good and evil.  There are nice god-fearing boys who do charity work, and there are nasty murdering rapist.  There are sweet virginal girls and nice motherly nuns, and then there are whores. And it’s obvious within a few moments of meeting either type exactly which side they’re on

This is, frankly, a terrible way to present people in a movie, not just because it’s shitty character writing but because in real life you can’t just tell like that.  When rapists and serial killers are captured there’s always somebody saying he looked so normal, and I swear it’s because movies keep telling us that such people don’t look normal.  This makes us feel better because we like to think we could recognize a ‘bad person’ if we met one, and even more we like to think that we don’t look the way ‘bad people’ do.  The truth is that this just isn’t possible, and perpetuating such stereotypes encourages people to see danger where none exists and ignore it where it does.

One thing the movie does get kind of right is the culture the inmates have developed for themselves at Girls Town.  There have been studies about how hierarchies evolve in closed groups such as prisons and high schools (yes, of course people have explicitly made that comparison), and an outline of that exists in the film.  The nuns are technically ‘in charge’ but the students have a form of self-government as well, complete with a penal system, which their actual superiors have come to respect.  Rules that benefit the group are enforced from within it.  Alliances survive despite things that should break them, because they’re all anybody has.

As a movie, Girls Town looks okay.  You can always tell where you are and what’s going on.  The girls and even the nuns are easy to tell apart, performances are never outstanding but usually acceptable, and you can follow the plot even when it throws in weird shit like Serafina’s obsession and the ridiculous drag race.  The content is just so disgusting that none of these things actually matter, and the worst aspect of that content is the way it throws in sexual assault like seasoning – just toss in a rape here and there to spice things up!

The writers allow Mary Lee to plead self-defense since Chip attacked her first, but the rest of them are never dealt with.  We don’t know what happened to the girl in the fight scene, she and her attacker never even have names.  The detective faces no consequences for cozying up to both Silver and Mary Lee, despite the fact that he’s gotta be twenty years older than either.  Serafina is somebody to be pitied and the thought of getting her to talk to a psychologist never occurs to anybody.  At the end, it seems like even the nuns are willing to forget about all the nasty shit Fred did as long as he testifies that Mary Lee isn’t a murderer!

When all was said and done the movie’s makers probably patted themselves on the back and told each other than they meant well, what with the Good Christian Message and all, and slept very well that night.  They were douchetrumpets.  Fuck them and fuck their movie.

[lovelyirony]

Ahhh prompts! Winteriron with "things you said that i wish you hadnt" Love your writing so much!

Bucky is quiet. Tony wasn’t really expecting that, although he should have. Too many of Steve’s stories in his head about his best friend. The rakish flirt, the adventurer, the jokester. 

“I think you guys would like each other,” Steve said one day. “You’d be good friends.” 

Of course, that was before Tony found out that Bucky was basically remade into a new person/project/not sure what to call him and then did a little bit of backseat driving for his parents. 

So he wouldn’t call them buddies. 

This doesn’t stop Steve from trying to make sure they get along. It’s hard, after everything. Tony still remembers Siberia, and that’s the problem. Steve and Tony’s lights they see it in are two wattage levels. 

But then Steve has to go for a mission, and Tony and Bucky are alone. They’re in the kitchen, watching the news. Tony’s not really sure what to say, but the silence is deafening. 

“Do you want something to eat?” Tony asks. Barnes looks towards him, surprised. 

“I, uh…sure? I can get it, though.” 

He gets up, walking closer to Tony’s space. He’s careful, though. He nearly tiptoes, then catches himself. 

“We should…probably talk.” 

“I really wish you hadn’t said that,” Barnes says. He then freezes. “Oh fuck, I didn’t mean it like–” 

“Nah, you’re good. I don’t really want to talk, but I’m pretty sure doing it is a healthy way of communication. So let’s do it. Hopefully it’s not…really bad.” 

“You know it will be.” 

“Oh shit, yeah I know.” 

So they sit there. Both of them are having cereal. 

“It’s three in the afternoon and we’re having cereal.” 

“Cereal is good at all times of day,” Barnes says. “But what did you want to talk about so we don’t deflect and talk about cereal differences?” 

“Fine. I’m not over the thing.” 

“I don’t expect you to be. To be completely honest, I was expecting you to throw me in a dumpster. Which I was fine with. I’ve seen the YouTube videos about converting a dumpster to a living space.” 

Tony actually laughs at that. He starts laughing. Because that’s what you do when someone tells you something serious. 

“I am…so sorry. The dumpster thing caught me off-guard. How did you…?” 

“YouTube is a place that just knows things sometimes. But yeah. Still surprised that I’m…here.” 

“I’m not heartless, Barnes.” 

“I know. You have too much heart. You should’ve just let Steve and I find our own place.” 

“Like anyone would rent a place to you that wasn’t weird.” 

“Also true. I could find a tree house or something. Those look cool.” Tony laughs a little bit at that. 

“Do you wanna see a picture of a super cool tree house that I found?” 

“That sentence literally sounded like we were eight again.” 

“I represent that implication,” Tony says, smiling a little bit. “But seriously, you ever heard of the show Tree House Masters?” 

They end up watching about eight episodes of that. Tony tells Bucky how to do things, and what to actually do. 

“So, technically, I could build a tree house?” 

“Yeah, you could.” 

They end up talking more after that. It’s not perfect, but Barnes genuinely does want to build a tree house, so they decide to do it. They learn more about each other throughout. Both of them are wracked with guilt, probably should be doing something more than building a tree house together, but whatever. 

They get closer. Tony and Bucky talk about the thing, what else they’re doing, and get to common ground. 

It’s not until they’re online shopping for furniture that anything really happens. It’s when Tony’s arguing that the oxblood would fit much better for the area rug in the tree house when Bucky kind of realizes it. 

They fit. Well, he thinks so. And that? That is terrifying. Because they shouldn’t, and Tony deserves so much better than some guy who likes tree house shows and has told him that he would probably fight a villain with a frying pan one of these days because they keep attacking in the damn morning when he’s trying to eat his waffles. 

So, that’s a problem that he probably can’t ignore! Fun times! 

[kc-meets-dc]

New episodes, new asks!

ANON: “quick question.When are we presented Lois and Clark's relationship before Jon's appearance?Also,is Arthur the child of Orin?”

We weren’t. But still. Jon Kent and Damian Wayne! AAAAAAAAAH!!! The Super Sons will rise hopefully in season four! I’m so excited! And, yes. Arthur is the son of Queen Mera and King Orin, aka the previous Aquaman. I almost forgot about him, to tell you the truth

ANON: “spoilers ahoy but you know what nobody seems to be talking about? when vandal and lex were talking, savage mentioned a 'project' and then lex said something like, 'ah, yes, rutabaga. I'd forgotten.' like????”

Yeah, that was weird and very ominous. What could Rutabega mean? I don’t even really know what a Rutabega is, so I couldn’t tell ya. If anyone else has any idea what this could be, please let me know!

ANON: “There are bigger chances for Jaime and Traci to get together since they are in a relationship in the comics.If you check wikia they mention this fact.”

They were a couple in the comics, but the wiki will also tell you that, after the Rebirth storyline, Traci was remade into a lesbian. While I will admit that there is a very strong chance she and Jaime may be a couple, I maintain my belief that she will go on to date Natasha Irons, as we’ve seen that Steel is already a character and thus Natasha will likely become one as well, and that Jaime either is or will be dating Bart at some point. That could be going on now, or it could be after he and Traci break up, or it could be never. You never know, but you can always hope for what you want.

ANON: “Imagine Wally coming back just to find Artemis and Halo having a cute interaction togheter.Then Artemis is fully aware of his return and Halo just watches the entire scene with this man she is not familiar with.Artemis makes the presentation and Halo and Wally start building this relationship and I could see them pulling pranks on Artemis.Or Halo seeing the way Artemis and Wally act and slowly learning things about relationships from the two of them.That would be super cute!”

I never knew how much I wanted to see this happen until right now! That would be AMAZING!!! Honestly, I just want to see Artemis being a mother figure to Halo more, but now preferably with Wally after he returns.

ANON: “I hope we won't get any time skips.They are annoying and by this point irrelevant”

Considering we now have baby Jon Kent and baby Damian Wayne, I think we’re definitely due for another time skip. And it’ll probably be a big one from the looks of it. Sorry, Nonnie. We just have to accept this as something Young Justice does every season at this point.

ANON: “Wally is coming back.I am speaking this into existence”

Yes! Speak it loud and speak it proud! Our boy’s a-coming home!

ANON: “I don't wanna trash on anybody but...I understand why some people would think Artemis and Will could be dating,but it's also very dumb.I mean, people just see two characters interacting and They suddenly they jump on conclusions.Jade is an absent mom and Will wasn't even there when Lian was born.Plus he's a superhero so what do people expect?For him to do it on his own?”

Truer words could not have been spoken. Thank you, Nonnie. Thank you. Although, I will say that I do believe Will might have already tried something with Artemis and failed after his conversation with Lynn in episode nine. Either that, or he’s secretly harboring feelings towards her. Hopefully, nothing will happen since we all know Artemis belongs with Wally, but who knows at this point?

ANON: “SPOILERS for S3E7 but uhm. can we talk about the person who looked human that vandal and darkseid used to fight those aliens? because it might just be me but my mind immediately jumped to 'oh my god they're keeping wally on apokolips and are using his powers as an energy source and a weapon.' like... we didn't see his hair or anything, but he had the freckles. plus, we all know young justice isn't just gonna show something like that and not mention it again. it's leading up to SOMETHING.”

That’s definitely something people should be talking about more, but I don’t think that guy was Wally. Because...

Wally doesn’t have freckles. See? Sorry, Nonnie. While it is possible that Apokolips could have a living Wally captured and controlled, that kid they used against the Starro aliens was not him

[thecartoonuniverse]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power SPOILER-FREE Review

Check out the video version of the review HERE, or click the Read More to read the script for this video!

The 80s was a decade known for its immensely popular and very commercial action cartoons that dominated children's entertainment. Thundercats, TMNT, Transformers, Voltron and He-man are just a few examples that have stayed present in our minds even 30 years later and are still instantly recognizable to children and adults alike.  All of these shows were created with the intent of marketing toys to young boys, and all of these shows have had at least one reboot since the 80s.

EVERYONE knows those names... but another name you might only barely recognize, if you remember it at all, is SHE-RA. She-ra was an action cartoon for girls made to build off the success of the very male dominated show He-man. Whereas there are a long list of boy-oriented cartoons and many of them have been remade or rebooted in the last few decades, there are very few actions cartoons for girls from this period and very few cartoons for girls at all that have been rebooted. There's my little pony and powerpuff girls and... uhm... my little pony, my little pony, aaaaaand my little pony.  yeah....jk

But now it is time for She-ra to join the mighty ranks of 80s action cartoons getting a reboot and /I/ just so happen to have been given full access to the first season of the show so I could provide a review for all of you lovely people.

I’m Hailey and this is my spoiler-free review of the first season of She-Ra and the Princesses of Power!  

I will admit I don't have too much experience with the original She-Ra cartoon, but from the few episodes I watched for research on this video, it seemed pretty standard for its time. Like He-man, transformers, and Voltron, it was a long series of episodes with very limited motion, very little plot progression, and a formulaic approach to its story telling. Aside from the first few episodes, the final few episodes, and perhaps one or two in the middle, nothing serious ever really happened on these shows.  If I got anything wrong with that summary please forgive me, as I didn't have time to really watch all 95 episodes of the original series.

Like many of the reboots of these 80s cartoons, the story telling in 'princesess of power' focuses a lot more on overarching plots and character arcs that make things change from episode to episode and season to season.

Like the original series, the show is about Adora, an orphan girl who was being raised to be a member of 'the horde'.  Alongside a few friends, she trains to become a captain and eventually defeat the evil princesses!   Does this sound a little backwards? Weellllll that's because it is. You see Adora one day stumbles upon a magical sword that turns her into the magical warrior She-Ra, one of the princesses of power.  Through this transformation and the experiences following it she quickly realizes that shes been fighting on the wrong side all this time and begins to aid the princesses in their rebellion against the horde.

As far as I can tell, this is where the similarities between the two shows end, besides all the returning characters of course. What's great about a reboot like this is that it takes a very simple premise and turns it into an important character defining trait to push the plot forward instead of holding it in place like the original.  In the original She-Ra never seemed too conflicted about fighting the horde as they were very explicitly evil, while in this reboot she is very much aware that she is fighting her family, her roots, her old identity and where she comes from. This really parallels the journey a lot of us go through in realizing that our parents aren't always the great heroes we thought of them as kids. She now realizes that she was on the wrong side when she was training to fight for the horde, but that doesn't make fighting them exactly easy for her.

Adora's transformation into she-ra is amazing. Unlike shows such as Sailor Moon its more than just a costume change. The power makes her bigger and stronger and is a bit similar to the 2002 reboot of the series which saw a more typical looking teenage boy transforming in to the hulking figure of He-man. As She-Ra, she is a lot more confident and a lot more powerful, but this doesn't make her invincible. As She-Ra she is still very fallible, both as a fighter and as a character.

Almost every episode we find ourselves meeting a new princess. And even then, there are times where a whole bunch have to be dumped on us at once since there are just so many. The original show had a lot of princesses as well... like a LOT A LOT, so I suppose this makes sense.  

Don’t kill me for saying this guys, but there's a lot of diversity in these princesses, and they come in all shapes and sizes and colors. This was less common for human based characters back in the day because toy companies wanted to use the same mold over and over again but with different hair styles and colors to make mass production easier.  

But in this reboot, there's a princess for everyone... whether you are black or white or... purple..?

I definitely need to mention Glimmer, as she becomes one of She-Ra’s closest friends. I mostly found her interesting due to her powers and her family. I did however find her relationship with her mother a bit weird. Yes, fighting a lot is something mothers and daughters can do, but for some reason it came off more as an older sister fighting with her younger sister than the mother-daughter relationship it is supposed to be portraying.  

Then there is Glimmer’s best friend Bow, who as you might be able to tell is not a Princess. His interactions with Glimmer were some of the best in the show, and I definitely look forward to learning more about him.  

The princesses introductions and plots are sometimes interesting, however, I am happy to say that some of my favorite characters are actually a few of the villains. When Adora left the horde to fight against them her place was taken by Catra. She and Adora have a very interesting rivalry that stems from the fact that their boss, Shadow Weaver, always preferred Adora over Catra. Things turn into a game of cat and mouse, where Catra is constantly trying to prove her worth and bring Adora back to the Horde. We learn a lot about the relationship between these two, and I was surprised to see just how fleshed out it got since this is only the first season.  

This show is very good at taking your expectations of a character and completely turning them around. A large part of that comes from each of the characters being complex and not entirely evil, or in some cases not completely good. Morally grey areas are explored in the show, and sometimes the place a person ends up is solely because the character found it the more convenient place to be.  

Overall, this show is clearly trying to be much like other cartoons of today where it touches on very mature topics like colonization and genocide. It gives the show a sincerer and more mature feel to it that both old fans and new ones can appreciate I think, but despite these positive changes the show is still very far from perfect.  

To be honest, I was not always completely engaged with the show. Yes, the concepts and characters presented in each episode were interesting, but it was a show that took me a few days to finish. Whereas with a new season of Voltron I can finish in one watch. I’m sure a lot of this has to do with the fact that this is season 1 and I am just getting to know the characters, but this is definitely a show you might only want to watch a little at a time.  

The show did open with a two-parter which was great and full of action. But after that I felt the story slowed a bit as we were required to meet each main princess, most of which got a whole episode dedicated to their introduction.  

I enjoyed most of these episodes, especially Entrapta’s who is one of my favorites, but it only made me wish that we could follow them MORE instead of having to see a new princess every half hour.

Like a lot of animated reboots, these characters are a lot younger than their original counterparts. I’m sure this is to make the characters more relatable, allowing to them to focus on stories about growing up, which works really well with Adora realizing she was on the wrong side for much of her young life, but what is the problem with having adults as the main characters? Superhero shows do it all the time!  

Adults definitely have relationship issues, and they can still go from nobodies to something much greater. This was showcased in the original She-Ra show, and I just wish more shows would focus on this.

I suppose the desire to have that teenage angst in the show was just too much to resist. I’m looking at you Glimmer. I love you and your family’s history but get it together girl!  

The style of the show is something that has been heavily criticized by both new and returning viewers, but I find it quite charming, or at the very least a much better version of Marvel: Uprising. The backgrounds especially were very beautiful and the details they add to it really make you believe that the land of Etheria is a magical place.

The style did however clash with the tone at times. As I mentioned before, the show does delve into deep topics, not to mention there are some very intense battle scenes, and the art style sometimes just hindered that by making it seem too soft during gritty moments.

For those who are wondering where He-Man might be in all of this, I had the same question. The stories of those two were very intertwined in the 80s show, in fact heman and shera are TWINS, so for him to be completely absent is puzzling.  As far as I know the rights to He-man do not belong to dreamworks, so this show has been developed independently.    

While the show is not my absolute favorite I can clearly see that a lot of heart was placed into this reboot. It seems a lot less like a remake of the original story and more of a second draft of an idea that never really got the attention it deserved, which is something that can be said for a lot of reboots from the 80s, as opposed to the teen titans and ben 10 and power puff girls reboots that really just took already relatively serious ideas with highly praised storytelling and... destroyed them. utterly and entirely.

However if you truly are a fan of the original She-Ra in every single aspect of the series and are not comfortable with seeing it be different in this incarnation, then this show may not be for you.  

But if you have enjoyed many of the cartoons that have been released in the past decade, particularly the retellings of things like transformers or voltron, you will most likely enjoy this show, and will be looking forward to the second season, just as I am.  

This show is definitely not playing around, and there is no doubt it is an action show, and it is not afraid to show violence even if it is marketed towards girls. Despite being a netflix show it is intended to make most of its money through action figure and merch sales.  I am very curious to see how well it can market itself  through a streaming service.  Thankfully the action figures are pretty good, even better than voltrons so far, and other merch such as the shirts are looking pretty great too.

Only time will tell. She-Ra will be on Netflix on November 13th!