#again idk i never actually attempted but i did technically mention it in the post ???

[genderqueer-karma]

apparently my best friend does not find the fact that i suggested we go to the same frozen yogurt shop we went to five years ago after i confessed to being suicidal as funny as i do 💀

[ahwait-no-yes]

Let’s talk about if Saihara hated Ouma

So lately I’ve actually seen a bit more comments on how Saihara doesn’t actually like Ouma and people have gone as far as saying he hates him and idk why people genuinely believe it so here I am about to refute that (I’ve been waiting ages to make this post just so you know so this came out as a horribly unstructured ramble more than anything oops)

some notes beforehand:

I have an obvious bias as I do ship saiouma. although i’ll try to be neutral on what I say here, I can’t hide my bias. I have tried to include what people that hate this ship believe to counter them though, also if you ship other things that’s totally fine?? don’t think of any of this as an attack at your ship and I’m not saying Saihara loved Ouma, I’m just tired of people saying Saihara hated him.

You’re allowed to respectfully disagree as long as you don’t berate me or say I don’t know the game when the majority of the screenshots in this are from my own gameplay, lmao. 

and massive whole-game spoilers! Don’t read this if you’ve not finished DRV3!

Glad to know you made it under the cut! now I can begin with where I think people got this idea that Saihara hates him from- the infamous “You’re alone Kokichi and you always will be” line.

I admit this was very cold and still breaks my fragile saiou heart, but to base Saihara’s entire perspective of Ouma on this one line he said while he wasn’t thinking straight is just.. no.. It’s unrealistic. we’ve seen how Saihara is able to adapt his views and grow (I’ll come back to this later), he’s not stubborn in this regard like Momota or even Ouma is, so even if he did mean it 100% (which I doubt because when *anybody* is angry they will say or do things they may regret had they been calmer), it’s not like his view on Ouma from chapter 4 was his final view on him. And that’s what people fail to realise. 

So, how does Saihara view Ouma then?

well, I’d say he’s been interested in Ouma as a detective from the moment he met him with his curiosity piqued at Ouma’s claims of leading a secret organisation.

and he remains curious about Ouma throughout, always questioning why Ouma says certain things, what Ouma is lying for, he just wants to figure him out- and this doesn’t just apply to free time events either

I think you get my point there, now, I think if I didn’t ship saiou and read this, I’d argue these are all pre-chapter 5 and before the breaking line so he may have been curious before but not after- that then brings me to my next point

Saihara was confident- dare I say believed- in Ouma, especially after Chapter 5.

how bold of me to say ikr, but this ties in to Saihara’s ability to adapt his views. He’s sort of like a mixture of both Kaito and Ouma honestly, because naturally as a detective he has to be suspicious and think logically as Ouma does, while at the same time Kaito taught him to believe in his friends which has also helped him to advance in trials. I think he might have extended this belief to Ouma, because he trusts that Ouma is doing what he does for a reason.

In fact, I’d argue he’s the only one of the remaining group who wouldn’t readily accept pinning Ouma down as a villain. If anything, it’s the opposite- Saihara fought to clear Ouma’s name, and never stopped trying to understand whether or not his intentions were true or false

i’ll just drop this screenshot here (that i named THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY.png in case you were wondering)

this is what I mean when I say he wouldn’t accept it as fast as the others and would second-guess it, bear in mind this is the moment Ouma “admitted” to being the mastermind. and it’s not like this doubt was sudden or anything, cause I can recall this moment (that I actually didn’t catch on to on my first playthrough)

which gives me the idea that hadn’t Ouma purposefully messed with everyone and built up his bad reputation, it would’ve been so much easier for Saihara to disprove him being the mastermind at the point he said it. 

Anyway, going back to my point- excluding Kaito (cause Ouma directly told him), Saihara is the first to bring up Ouma’s innocence, and this is what I mean when I say Saihara believed in Ouma

note that I say believed in. believing Ouma and believing in Ouma are different, it’s like how loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things, so don’t argue that by saying “he didn’t trust him” because ik that and that’s not what I’m trying to say.

but he did believe that Ouma had his reasons, and he tried to discover and understand them. I mean, take this for example

he’s already on board lool look at him go, but no really look at the confidence

he’s both confident in himself and in Ouma not lying here, then goes back to being curious about his intentions

oh and let’s not forget who it was that searched Ouma’s lab to find clues to prove he is a remnant of despair. Why do you need to search for evidence for something you (and the others even more) think is irrefutably true? the answer is obvious- he was doubtful of it from the start, and needed evidence to convince himself it was true, but then as he found nothing to prove it (and even evidence against it), he had to convince the others of it too- and prove Ouma’s innocence

(the last screenshot was from Hikkie’s playthrough on Youtube) 

But as you can see, he’s clearing Ouma’s name as the leader of the Remnants of Despair. 

Now, I bet someone would argue that this only proves Saihara was determined to find the truth in general, because he’s mister detective, so I’ll raise you the fact that Saihara didn’t need to try figuring why Ouma does the things he does- he could leave it at just knowing the truth and if he really didn’t like Ouma like people say then there’s not much merit to it. 

“So what if I know this now? I didn’t care about him, it’s pointless” he could’ve thought something like that, but no

(I also think the “you’re lying again kokichi, there’s a method to your madness” moment fits here too)

Not only this, but there’s also how Saihara learnt from him.

honestly im still kinda mindblown from this ever since I first realised it, but when you think about it, Ouma hinted to Saihara in his FTEs how to win the game.

(those 3 screenshots are from justonegamr’s kokichi’s FTE video; random fun fact this was the playthrough that i watched while first getting into drv3)

But if you think about it, Ouma tried this again in his own trial in his attempt at ending the killing game and then Saihara also used this to actually end it

Not only that (which personally i think is pretty powerful in itself), but Saihara also tries to take Ouma seriously and picks up hints he leaves and uses them later

as well as

et

(and generally just)

generally, Ouma will hint and then Saihara will pick it up. it’s been like that for the whole game- why should Saihara give any extra thought to what Ouma hints if he dislikes him?? really, he could’ve just ignored him the same way he did at the end of chapter 4- but again, he didn’t “”hate”” Ouma enough to keep ignoring him, he considered him a friend in the end anyway.

and the end is what I’ll talk about now, too.

first- can we just acknowledge this?

he doesn’t ignore Ouma at all here. even though he didn’t trust him, he was sad to have lost him. 

Not to mention the way he thinks about lying at the end of Chapter 6. (like, please this is just-  *chefs kiss*)

IMAGINE Ouma was alive to hear him say that omg but Saihara could (and probably would) extend what he says here to Ouma himself- y’know, the ‘embodiment of lies’

by thinking about lies in a different angle instead of at face value like this, he gets a more neutral view on them rather than just thinking “they’re bad!!”, why wouldn’t he be able to do the same for Ouma? especially now that he knows Ouma was innocent and actually hated the game as much as they all did. I mean hey, even after chapter 5′s trial he sort of already thinks about lies differently

and throughout this post, I’ve tried to avoid talking about his free time events or his salmon mode ending because people always say “well they’re not canon” and to that I say not canon to the plot, yes, but still canon to the characters. so yeah, I don’t disregard any of them.

from this point onwards these all technically happen before chapter 5, so it’s not entirely relevant to my point that saihara still liked ouma even after the end of chapter 4, but it’s still something that shows he liked him beforehand at least. I mainly just wanna ramble though haha

one thing I’ve always thought was interesting was how Saihara easily lashed out at Kaito in his own free time event

and Kaito is undeniably Saihara’s best friend who he holds in high regard. If Saihara having backbone means he doesn’t like someone then damn bye bye momota have a nice trip in space

in terms of ouma and saihara though 

how about the fact that Saihara willingly sat there and played rock paper scissors (janken pon!) with Ouma 100 times?? bruh I got bored playing that with my brother after 8 rounds yesterday how would Saihara manage 100?? would you really have the patience for that when you don’t even like the person you’re playing with?

how about his third free time event too?

(from justonegamr’s kokichi fte video)

Saihara wanted to spend some time with Ouma, that’s- its literally written there I don’t know what you want from me the guy wanted a nice time with someone he supposedly doesnt like

what I love about this is how “reaching out” could be taken both literally and figuratively. Wanting to understand someone and trying to find a way to but them being too unwilling to trust anyone.. damn 😔👊 also shuuichi either wanted to handshake or hold hands, what else do you do when you reach for someone’s hand come on

oh yes and how about that he’s content with the refusal because it allowed him to figure out a small thing about Ouma? understanding that Ouma has a different way of being reached out to? mhm please think about that for a bit

that parallel in the salmon ending too...

he considered how it’ll be like with him after they get out and how he’ll learn about him, then ultimately decided when ouma reached out to him that he does want this, and even comments on the warmth of his hand... afhskfdlj

his blush when ouma mentions how his lies didn’t bore saihara was also a very cute moment

ooh and what about the love hotel???

there’s that one line “I know i’m meant to be Kokichi’s ideal in this fantasy but when he tells me he loves me I feel like he means the opposite” or something like that- i’d argue it’s because he’s cautious of Ouma for one but also am I getting something wrong here or is he talking about how he, Shuuichi, thinks Ouma doesn’t like him?  because I see people argue this is proof saihara doesn’t like ouma but all he’s really doing is just doubting ouma loves him

well in any case

WHY would he want him to stay in a love hotel of all places if he disliked him?! I know I’m just a broken record at this point but I can’t think of anything logical for it. they didnt even need to include that line in the scene at all but they did like they could’ve easily said something to do with realising where he was instead but nah. even after the event’s over, he says to himself

doesn’t he sound disappointed by it? and the fact that he even questions if it was a dream- okay  

ooh, something i’ve realised while writing this as well: it kind of seems like Saihara might not want to like him but does anyway; he quickly ‘smothered the thought’ of staying with Kokichi, didn’t want to admit that Ouma’s lies never bored him, and I also thought about how in one of Kaito’s free time events he says to himself “I shouldn’t be talking about another boy like that”- well, maybe it’s similar for how he thinks of ouma? it’s not like Saihara didn’t care for the others’ opinion on him (probably the opposite ngl if you mess up in class trials he says something along the lines of“Ah I screwed up! They probably think I’m a fraud”) and considering nobody else liked ouma (except for maybe gonta) I wouldn’t be surprised if he felt shame for liking him, thus repressing that feeling (especially around the others, there’s that part in trial 4 where he’s trying to convince kaito he isn’t siding with ouma cause he knows by doing that could damage his friendship with his bro)

I mean this is something I only thought of just now, but it could be plausible (i hope?)

One last thing- I find it incredibly funny how in chapter 2 when ouma is literally on top of saihara he doesn’t freak out or scream and everyone else in the room is also completely chill with it and unquestioning. no really they’re just standing there.. and how long was ouma even in that position for??

Now, I think that’s all. So to finish off, I’ll just say

People get the idea that saiouma is bad because some don’t realise Saihara can still like a person without idolising or putting them on a pedestal. Idk if this is gonna sound controversial or not, but I honestly do think he did exactly that to Kaito and Kaede- which doesn’t make what they have with him toxic or bad at all, I just think his view on Ouma is a lot more realistic and less clouded. Heck, if Saihara canonically liked Ouma as much as he does with the other two I don’t know if I’d ship saiouma as hard as I do (it is fun to imagine though).

If you actually read through this then.. wow? I’m surprised you got through this unstructured mess? I hope you can agree with me for some of my points at least but I’m not here to convince you or anything, this has just been on my mind for weeks now I needed to get it out somehow.

I said it at the start and i’ll say it again now too- i didn’t intend on attacking or comparing saiou to any other ships so I do apologise if I seem like it, i’m just terrible with my wording (lmk if something genuinely offended you, i’ll probably change it) but you’re free to ship whatever you like cause at the end of the day it’s just a bit of fun. that being said, I don’t want to actually argue on this so please don’t haha, i’ve contemplated just deleting this but I’ve put a lot of effort into this post even though i cant analyse for 💩

I hope you can enjoy the rest of your day!

have the kokichi gaygun as a farewell present

[bloody-wonder]

end of the year reading survey

me? talking about books again?? it’s more likely than you think

How many books did you read? Did you meet your goal? My goal was 100 books, I’ve read 121 so far but the year isn’t over yet and I’m still in the middle of a couple :D

Most read genre? probably definitely fantasy

Longest and shortest books you read. According to Goodreads, the longest one was Thousand Autumns by Meng Xi Shi (2175 pages), but it’s hard to tell with danmei bc it’s published online so tbh Heaven Official’s Blessings by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu felt much longer to me. The shortest one was Heracles’ Bow by Madeline Miller - only 10 pages.

Favorite book published in 2021? The Gentle Art of Fortune Hunting by KJ Charles.

Favorite debut book in 2021? I don’t think I’ve read a debut from 2021 but if it’s a general question than my answer would be The Game of Kings by Dorothy Dunnett and Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke. They are the kind of books that you would never think were debuts if you didn’t know and that make you certain you’ll never be good at anything you might ever attempt.

Favorite book not published this year? oh i don’t know there are so many to choose from THE LYMOND CHRONICLES

A book that lived up to the hype. Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik and The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden. These are objectively good and well written and entertaining compared to some other hyped books which I personally didn’t like😐

A book that did NOT live up to the hype. Dark Rise, regrettably :( Also Gideon the Ninth but this one I actually wanna re-read to see if it’s a me problem.

Book that felt like the biggest accomplishment. lol idk? reading capri in french maybe

Favorite character. My brilliant devil, my imitation king; my past, my future, my hope of heaven and my knowledge of hell... Francis Crawford of Lymond❤

Least favorite character. Probably Sabetha. It’s not her fault tho, she just suffers from the *written by a man* disease😬

Most shocking book/moment. That character death in The Disorderly Knights hit me like a truck😞 Also there’s a shocking moment at the end of My Dark Vanessa, it’s of a quieter sort but still makes you think wow,, she really went there didn’t she😕

Favorite couple/OTP. Technically I read The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation last December but I’m still gonna say Wangxian bc given all the MDZS adaptations that I consumed afterwards they’ve really dominated my year ship-wise.

The best written book you read this year. All the books that I’ve mentioned are the best. none as well written as aftg tho lol

Book that you pushed the most people to read in 2021. You might remember that when I finished The Lymond Chronicles I posted about it non-stop for a while and so I actually got a couple of people, both online and irl, to pick up The Game of Kings. The results were,, poor :( I can’t fathom why, it’s a very accessible, easy to follow adventure story with a manageable amount of likable characters whose motivation is as clear as day at all times.

Favorite book cover of the year. I really like the minimalist covers of both Susanna Clarke books.

Favorite book adaptation. I just watched Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell the mini-series and, barring some of the more glaring adaptational attractiveness issues, I would say it’s a pretty faithful adaptation of the book and a perfect way to experience this wonderful story for someone who isn’t prepared to commit to reading over 1000 pages.

What book made you cry the most? twas The Disorderly Knights & other lymond books but The Bear and the Nightingale, Killing Stalking, Convenience Store Woman and Arrête avec tes mensonges made me shed some tears as well. some of this could’ve been pms tho

What book made you laugh the most? I’ve already talked about some very amusing books in my mid-year book freak-out tag, but among the ones that I’ve read since then Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell stands out with its dry british humor. I’m currently reading The Nobleman's Guide to Scandal and Shipwrecks and it’s quite hilarious too, just like the previous books in the series.

A new favorite author you discovered this year. Mo Xiang Tong Xiu, Naomi Novik and Susanna Clarke. And Dorothy Dunnett, I suppose. (Normally I don’t consider someone my favorite author until I read and like two or more of their books which don’t belong to the same series BUT her mind birthed Lymond so there’s that).

Favorite book you re-read this year. Gentlemen and Players by Joanne Harris and Confusion by Stefan Zweig - some of my all time favorites and very underrated books too and all of you should read them right now. or like,, tomorrow. or next week.

What is the best non-fiction book you read this year? Male Trouble by Abigail Solomon-Godeau. It’s a very insightful book about the representation of masculinity in the french academic painting at the turn of the 19th century. I read it bc I study art history and my master thesis is gonna be about how observing nude men for hours in order to paint their likeness over and over again is gay actually :)

i’m gonna tag @starlingshrike @moonsandstarsaregay @oliviermiraarmstrongs @fandomreferencepending @pemberlaey @jimscoffee @counterwiddershins @raelis1 @remicatscratch @figuringthengsout @fugitoidkry @bibliophilic-vacillator @thehalcyonharbinger @bellaroles if you guys wanna do this

if i didn’t tag you bc i don’t know you or that you’re a bookworm and you wanna do this survey DO IT AND TAG MOI. i’ve been harassing people like this all year long and now i actually have someone to talk to about books, it works i swear😁

[hermannsthumb]

Idk if you doing requests or not rn buut, feriowind has been posting a bunch of vampire!Hermann and I needs some modern vampire Hermann and professor Newt...

uwu ily

SO I feel like I should open by saying a WIP fic with this concept by @coloredpencilroses exists and I Love it, so read High Stakes for something much better than this lol (and leave a nice comment). HAPPY OCTOBER!!!! warning for very mildly implied sexy stuff. EDIT: and of COURSE I forgot to tag @theloccent for my extremely belated fill for the “Vampire” square on my bingo card :/

-----------------------

Newt has always been an extremely persistent type. He considers it, naturally, one his greatest strengths—no theory goes untested, no question goes unanswered, no experiment goes…well, unexperimented. You don’t get more PhDs than you can count on one hand if you’re not persistent. You don’t get a date with the hot new engineering professor down the hall if you’re not persistent, either, but Newt is finding this venture is taking a little more effort than usual. That’s fine, though. He likes challenges.

Dr. Gottlieb was hired by the university at the start of the semester, after the head of the engineering department—who’s nearing her seventies—finally decided she’d had enough and announced her retirement somewhat last minute. He is, frankly, unlike anyone Newt’s ever seen before, a weird combination of cheekbones, wide lips, and a turn-of-the-century old-fashioned air that carries over into everything from his wardrobe to the stiff way he carries himself. He wouldn’t look out of place in a black and white photograph, Newt thinks. Or maybe even the illustrations of a Dickens novel. That’s not why Newt’s into him, though—well, not the only reason why.

In the entire month and a half Gottlieb’s been here, he hasn’t spoken a single word to anyone his contract doesn’t require him to; when he is forced into conversation, he scowls and snaps and mumbles his way through before making a polite excuse as to why he needs to leave the room right now, immediately. No one knows anything about him other than the bare minimum—that his name is Dr. Gottlieb, he lectures in engineering, and he exists. Shit, Newt doesn’t even know his first name. The little plaque outside his office just says Gottlieb.

The mystery just makes Gottlieb all the more alluring to Newt.

Anyway, his continued failures in winning Gottlieb over aren’t a result of a lack of trying. On Gottlieb’s first day, Newt stopped by his office to introduce himself. He didn’t bother knocking. Maybe that was his first mistake. “I’m Newt,” he said. “My office is a few doors down from you. You’re the new department head?”

Gottlieb looked stricken, but he nodded. “Yes,” he said. He didn’t say anything else.

“Cool,” Newt said. “Anyway, I’m technically in the bio department, but I teach a few interdisciplinary courses with engineering, so I requested they stick me over here to get a bigger office.” He cracked a grin. “I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

“Hm,” Gottlieb said.

Newt tried again the next day.

“Your office is so dark,” he said, conversationally, because it was—lights all off, books stacked up everywhere, maroon drapes drawn tightly in front of the single small window. Dark and stuffy. “Feel free to stop by my office whenever you want a break from it. I have a corner one, so I have two windows.”

“I requested this office,” Gottlieb said, not looking up the article he was marking up.

Newt became desperate by his third attempt and did something that’s left him burning with shame even now, weeks later, and that would probably warrant the immediate transfers of sleep-deprived engineering majors out of all his courses if word ever got out it was him: he deliberately broke the department coffee machine. “Man, I can’t believe that thing is busted again,” he declared to Gottlieb. “Good thing I have a Keurig in my office.” Newt had gone out and purchased a Keurig immediately before destroying the coffee pot. “Seriously, come by whenever you need caffeine.”

Gottlieb blinked at him, long and slow, and Newt had the strangest sense that he knew exactly what happened to the coffee pot. “I never drink… coffee,” Gottlieb finally said.

For all Newt’s troubles, the list of things he knows about Gottlieb has expanded by two pitiful points: that his accent is English and posh, and his voice is low and sexy. Helpful.

It’s a chilly day in late October when Newt finally decides to enlist the aid of his interdisciplinary undergrads. Some of them—he learned after poking around their registration records—have a seminar with Gottlieb, and they seem his best bet at learning anything. A spouse—a first name—Newt would take Gottlieb’s favorite color, even. “So,” he starts class, unwinding his scarf off his neck, “that Dr. Gottlieb sure is weird, huh?”

In Newt’s firsthand experience, undergrads love to gossip about their professors, and his certainly don’t disappoint. Gottlieb’s classes are all held in the basement of the engineering building. All run well into the evening, after the sun’s set—most not finished until nine—and Gottlieb hustles out of the lecture hall the moment he can. He walks with a cane and a slight limp. He always dresses like that. He’s never mentioned any sort of family, and wears no wedding ring. He’s scary good at math. No one knows his first name.

“You’ve been an invaluable help,” Newt tells them all seriously.

He mulls the new information over in his office later as he grades some tests. So Gottlieb is a bit of shy, reclusive, genius. No surprise there. Well, his apparent hatred of sunlight is kind of weird (if unsurprising, given how pale he is) but maybe he just has sensitive eyes or something. Who is Newt to judge? At least he knows how to improve his next plan of attack—he just has to ask the guy to come over and sit in a dark room in silence with him. That’s probably Gottlieb’s dream date, actually.

There’s a knock on Newt’s office door. Newt looks up and drops his pen: it’s Gottlieb.

“Uh. Hey, dude!” he squeaks, unsure of how to proceed in this entirely unfamiliar territory. Gottlieb, willingly interacting with him? Willingly leaving his office? “Is there…can I help you with something? Did you want that coffee after all?”

“Most definitely not,” Gottlieb says coolly. He’s standing far enough back from the door that not a single sliver of lamp light from Newt’s office hits him, instead shrouded by the shadows of the dark engineering department. Newt didn’t realize how late it had gotten. “My students informed me that you were interrogating them about me.”

It’s not a question. Newt is struck by a wave of nervousness that he doesn’t quite understand—maybe it’s the sour expression Gottlieb is giving him, something in those dark brown eyes that are piercing through Newt. He feels, foolishly and briefly, like cowering under his desk. He swallows. “Yes,” he says, and adds, stammering, “I mean—I wasn’t interrogating them. I was just asking a few questions.”

“Why?” Gottlieb says.

“Uh,” Newt says. “I guess I was…curious, about you?”

He works up the guts to look Gottlieb in the eyes; he sees Gottlieb’s eyebrows jump the tiniest fraction of an inch. “You’re attracted to me,” Gottlieb says, another non-question, though Newt hears a flicker of surprise.

“Yeah,” Newt admits.

“I see,” Gottlieb says. Then, to Newt’s surprise, he suddenly smiles. “I’d like if you invited me over for dinner, Dr. Geiszler.”

“Dinner,” Newt says. He feels strangely dizzy; but, shaking himself, he quickly gets over it. “I mean, dinner! Yes! Shit! When?”

“Tonight, I should think,” Hermann says.

Tonight is Friday, which means they don’t have work tomorrow. By the time they make it off campus it’ll be almost ten—way later than people eat dinner—and besides, Newt already had a sandwich at around seven. Is dinner a euphemism? Is Gottlieb propositioning him? God, why didn’t he wash his sheets with the laundry this week? “Tonight,” Newt says. He stands up abruptly and grabs his leather jacket with trembling fingers. Why is he trembling? Nerves, he guesses. He’s about to hook up with total hottie Dr. Gottlieb, he’s allowed to be nervous. “Fuck yes. Let’s go now.”

Gottlieb is not impressed with the messy state of Newt’s apartment, and even less impressed with the state of Newt’s refrigerator and freezer. “Dinosaur chicken nuggets and canned Lime-A-Ritas,” he says with a sniff. “Hm. You ought to be getting more vitamins, Dr. Geiszler. I’m certain you’re deficient in something.”

“You sound like my dad,” Newt snorts. He throws his car keys on the counter and shrugs off his jacket. “There’s some leftover Chinese on the second shelf if you want it—just some lo mein. Or I could put a frozen pizza in the oven. Or I guess we could order something too?”

Gottlieb shuts the fridge door delicately. “How kind of you to offer,” he says. He doesn’t sound like he means it. Newt is suddenly struck by how bizarre a sight he is in the midst of Newt’s chaotic kitchen: buttoned up to the throat with his stupid shirt and blazer, prodding at the fraying lime lizard-shaped rug by the sink with the end of his ornately-handled cane. Out of time and out of place. 

“It’s Newt,” Newt says. “Please don’t call me Dr. Geiszler, it makes me feel ancient.”

“Hm,” Gottlieb says.

“And what,” Newt says, deciding to test his luck a little, “uh—what should I call you?”

Gottlieb considers him. “Hermann,” he says.

The name rings a bell in the back of Newt’s head. He swears he’s heard it somewhere before—an article, maybe. A book. Has he stumbled across Dr. Gottlieb’s research before without even realizing it? He’s on the verge of asking what publications Gottlieb’s been featured in when Gottlieb suddenly snags hold of his hand; then, raising it to his mouth, he kisses it. His lips are as cold as his skin. “Would you like to show me to your quarters, Newton?” he murmurs.

Newt shivers; he nods.

“Hermann Gottlieb,” Newt says aloud later, while Hermann redresses himself. “Now I know where I’ve heard that name before.”

“Yes?” Hermann says. He’s lacing up one of his Oxfords.

“I worked with his research in one of my dissertations,” Newt says. “Another Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, I mean. He was a brilliant mathematician from—God, 1830-something. German. His work was groundbreaking for the time, or shit, for our time, too.” He remembers seeing a portrait of that Hermann Gottlieb in one of his sources; the whole of the similarities between him and Newt’s Hermann Gottlieb (the dark eyes, the mouth, the cheekbones) are a little too much to be entirely coincidental. “You must be related to him, right? Like, he’s your great-great-great—”

“Yes,” Hermann cuts him off quickly. He turns to Newt and smiles. “A distant ancestor, certainly. I believe you are the first in some time to have made that connection.”

“Always thought he was cool,” Newt yawns. “Man, I’m tired.” The romp with Hermann had been fun, if not unexpectedly exhausting, and a little…out of the ordinary. The dude apparently has some sort of weird biting kink that left Newt’s neck stinging a little bit, but it’s cool, Newt doesn’t mind. It was like boning a vampire or something. Kinda hot. “Do you need me to show you to the door, or can I just stay here? I’m serious about spending the night though. I really don’t mind.”

Hermann fiddles with the laces of his other shoe, then, slowly, draws the whole thing back off. “If it’s not an imposition,” he says, and smiles again, shyly. “Though, I warn you—I’m a bit of a late sleeper.”

“Good, so I am,” Newt says. “Could you toss me the sweatshirt hanging on that chair? You can grab one for yourself too, if you’re cold, I’ve got another hanging in the closet. No, not--yeah, that door.”

They dip under the covers and get cozy, Newt taking on the task of big spoon, because Hermann is a cold sonofabitch and could use a little insulation. The last thought on his mind before he drifts off to a comfortable sleep is how strange it is he can’t feel Hermann’s heartbeat—though, he realizes, it’s probably just muffled by their clothing.

[thesummerstorms]

Rev Recaps Hard Contact (Chapter 10)

CW: murder, death in combat,slightly graphic descriptions of corpses

TL:DR Recap: Etain and Dar go to one of Jinart’s safehouses and are immediately betrayed, which yet again, kind of justifies Etain’s paranoia. Darman kills a man, which perturbs Etain. Omega steals mining equipment and accidentally captures Guta-Nay. Hokan is pissed that Dar and Etain got away, and reveals that Jinart literally murdered the collaborators and tore them to pieces.

unfortunately, after posting the last recap I saw two Kal mentions in Chapter 9 that I missed, so we’re starting at a Kal count of 18.

Beginning Kal Count: 18 Ending Kal Count: 19

I regret to inform you I missed TWO references from Niner about Kal in chapter 9, so we’re starting at a Kal Count of 18.

I won’t screenshot the opening quote, but it’s basically a notice to the farmers on Qiilura that anyone who has Republic soldiers on their land without knowing will be sold into slavery and anyone helping the Republic on purpose will be shot. It does provide some needed framework for the rest of the chapter. Then we open in Darman’s pov, and IDK, I just kind of like the opening line. He still thinks of Kamino as “home” apparently at this point in time.

Etain is still being kind of unfairly snarky, and Darman’s at a loss what to do about it.

“Darman took is as a sensible observation rather than an insult.” Etain isn’t really being great right now, I recognize that, but I still love that line.

Anyway, they stop at the first safehouse and Etain goes to knock. Darman hates feeling obvious and exposed, and compares his lack of ability to blend in to, you guessed it, Skirata.

Kal Count raised to 19, BUT so far I think that’s the only one in this chapter.

Anyway, the house is empty; the family fled in the middle of a meal. Darman is still overly cautious, and walks Etain through house clearing procedure, even though her Force-sense tells her it’s safe. He points out that she can’t sense a tripwire that would murder them, even though Jedi Danger Sense is an established thing in the EU by this point and-

Sorry.

He also redirects her when she’s peering over his shoulder into the pantry instead of standing guard at the door and watching their gear, although he’s gracious enough to admit it had probably never occurred to her with Jedi senses.  While he raids said pantry with the intent to test the food for toxins later, she goes to fill bottles of water from a pump outside, and he asks why she isn’t using a filter. Again, we were just giving Etain shit a few chapters ago for being too paranoid and now she’s asking if he was trained by Nemoidians, but honestly I’m feeling kinder to Dar than Jinart because it really is a culture clash.

Yet again, I wonder how the Kaminoans can afford to kill that many clones out right when each clone is such an investment to rain and train in terms of both input and time. 

Darman doesn’t know what to make of a Jedi who isn’t the perfect demigod he was promised, which is affecting his trust levels. And Etain hasn’t been helping a lot with that. But she does notice something is wrong with him; she just doesn’t know him well yet, so she assumes it has something to do with his physical injury.

They eventually make it to another safe house, when they meet a woman “with a face like a gdan”, several children, and a few other adults. Dar is briefly overwhelmed because it’s the first time he’s seen this many humans who aren’t clones. I guess the commandos never saw their Sergeants group up.

Darman places mines all around the entrance to the building before he goes in, which I’m sure would win him no love even if the farmers weren’t already under threat of execution or slavery. The family at the safehouse says very little, outside of one woman who wants to know how the Republic is better than the Nemoidians, but they do attempt to feed Dar and Etain, which I have to say, is generous for the kind of place they’re living in. Or would be, if the family weren’t planning to sell them out & use the food as a distraction.

Dar, honey, she’s going to be able to read you in the Force better than anyone else in the galaxy by the time this is over and you’ll like it, so you might as well just buckle up. 

Also, clones are able of discerning thoughts/behavior patterns/moods really easily through minute observation and there’s nothing ruling out Etain doing the same her, but I guess it makes sense he jumps to mind reading the way the Kaminoans built up the Jedi.

Lots of little thoughts here. There’s post to be made based on a conversation I had with rey-skywalkin-away about Etain and food that I’ll save for another day, but for now, let me just say as much as KT tries to present Etain as a picky/snobbish eater, lemme just say that I don’t blame Etain in the least for being suspicious when the last stew Jinart tried to serve her included grains literally picked out of the manure on Etain’s cloak. Also, it’s still kind of sweet that Darman notices she isn’t eating enough and immediately offers her his bread, even though he’s in heaven getting “real” food. It’s generous. 

But good things never last, and Etain pretty much immediately is warned by the Force that someone is approaching unexpectedly. Darman flips out and the family immediately flees, which only confirms his suspicion. Dar and Etain brace for combat, while Etain uses Force-sense to pinpoint the incoming enemy forces. It’s actually kind of a great little action scene for the two of them.

“She put her lips so close to his ear he jumped.” Idk, I just giggled at that.

It’s just kind of a great little moment, getting to actually see Etain use her Force skills competently in an action scene. But of course, it immediately devolved. Darman, being raised to be a soldier, kills the one surviving Separatist, who’s injured on the floor. Etain, being raised a Jedi, doesn’t understand. Again, it’s a culture clash, but given the military focus of the books, we know who the narrative thinks is right.

I STILL WANT TO KNOW... who the hell were the clones supposed to be killing on Kamino? I can’t imagine the Kaminoans would let the clones kill even “worthless” Kaminoans, for fear of the armies they were raising getting ideas. I suppose Jango could have snuck back a bounty that was supposed to be dead every now and then, but that wouldn’t be a lot of people for training with 3,000,000 men. 

Also, Darman literally had his freak out over killing people on page 56 of this same, book, so it comes off as a tad hypocritical, even though this isn’t the last time he’ll not understand what Etain is upset about wrt killing.

Anyway, Darman is shot in the shoulder, though it’s a minor wound, they’re now on the run with no “safe houses” to hide in, and at the end of this scene, when Darman asks if Etain can sense droids, we find out she can’t when a droid starts shooting at them.

We then skip to Niner and Atin and Fi raiding a quarry for droids/explosives/equipment. I’m not gonna lie, I could care less about the plot of this section. This is my third time reading it and I’m still fuzzy on it. But it has a few fun little moments:

Atin is tricky. Also, I’m pretty sure that if this wasn’t a Star Wars book,that line would say “pants-shittingly nervous” rather than “drink-spilling”. With the facility seemingly cleared out, Niner and Atin go in to loot it, and we build some more on the “Atin is the tech guy” thing.

Except the guard shack isn’t empty. Guta-Nay (again, the would be rapist) has been hiding there, since Hokan wants him dead. Guta-Nay tries offering various bits of information if Niner will keep him alive, and KT really, really leans in to the whole “to stupid to function” thing, which is still making me uncomfortable, but comes to a head a few chapters from now. Eventually, Niner concedes that they’ll take Guta-Nay prisoner rather than kill him. Atin is displeased, but starts leveraging it to try and find a technical solution to one of their other problems.

Niner, you should absolutely keep thinking mean thoughts about Vau.

Atin hacks some droids, and they’re going to use them to move the mining charges and smuggle them into the places that need to be blown up, including the Nemodian comm relay in Tekklet. Atin still does not like Guta-Nay.

And then one bit that really makes this scene:

Tiny bit of foreshadowing for Triple Zero and True Colors. GREAT moment of Fi’s typical sass. “Don’t stand there being so ugly, man. You’re scaring him.”

We then close the chapter with Hokan being pissed that Darman and Etain escaped. I’m not going to spend too much time on it, because it’s mostly Hokan yelling at his subordinates.

Things that are of note,  with a CW for a graphic description of mutilation of corpses: this is what Jinart went and did to the collaborators.

As negatively as Traviss paints them, I actually feel really bad for the farmers in this book. She’s not much sympathetic to them, and she explicitly goes out of her way to show why you’d be stupid to sympathize with them, but on the one hand you have the Separatists and Hokan torching these people’s land, selling them into slavery, and executing them. On the other... you have Jinart. 

On top of which, they’re literally starving because of the Nemodian’s financial control of their lives. They don’t even have 21st century plumbing, in Star Wars. Whatever point Traviss thinks she’s making about unworthy civilian/local populations, it rings kind of hollow in the face of that information, because I can understand exactly why the NPCs act the way they do, even if they’re technically in opposition to our protagonists.

Anyway, Hokan pulls all droids out of Tekklet, where the comm is, to guard Uthan’s facility. He tells his men he wants either Darman or Etain alive, especially if Etain is a Jedi. Preferably both of them. Again, remember, he tortured Kast Fulier to death with Fulier’s own lightsaber, so remember what we’re working with here.

And that’s where the scene ends.

[skyfallensoldier]

Mobile Navigation || Rules & Mun ↓

DISCLAIMER: I just want to note here at the beginning that while I am considering this RP blog to be historically based, i.e. remaining true to the time period and overall details of John Laurens' biographical information and whatnot, I do not consider myself a historically accurate blog, not entirely. Historical fiction is a well known genre of literature and many, MANY creative liberties are taken within that genre. Think of this blog like you would if you saw an Anastasia Romanov blog. She's dead, we know she didn't survive, and she's been dead a long-ass time; so has Laurens. People still have included her in many works of fiction, even after her body was identified and it was proven she did not survive her family's massacre. I saw a romance book a couple of months ago where she survived that was recently published. Historical fiction, while a controversial thing at times, is a legitimate form of literature.

You don't have to tell me if you think John isn't acting exactly like the real man himself would have, I know that. I'm not going to call John my 'perfect sunshine boy cinnamon roll' or dismiss the privilege he was raised on due to his father, I'm aware he was a real person who had his own personality, virtues and prejudices. I won't deny that while he was certainly a progressive thinking man for the time he grew up in he definitely still had racist thoughts and actions that were indicative of his upbringing. But I'm not on here to debate modern, real life politics, or get into arguments about whether he was a good abolitionist or not. At the end of the day, this is still a hobby for me, and I'm writing for fun.

Basically, don't take it too seriously. I'm a 21st century bisexual woman writing from the POV of an 18th century (likely gay) male soldier, the way I write him is obviously not going to be a perfect representation of who he was. I know he wasn't an amazing, perfect person, but I've still chosen to write a fictionalized version of him for my own entertainment. Please try to respect that; thank you.

Mun Stuff

Name: Luna Gender: Female (She/Her or They/Them) D.o.B: July 23rd, 1996 Age: 24 Nationality: Canadian Sexuality: Bisexual Timezone: Eastern Time (US & Canada) Activity: Daily BIOGRAPHY (SORT OF)

Hello, there! You can call me Luna! I've been interested in writing ever since I first got the internet when I was 14 and discovered FanFiction.Net and now I'm an aspiring author and Roleplay enthusiast. If you include acting/talking out DnD like games with friends then I've been 'roleplaying' since the fifth grade, but I like to think there's always room for improvement. If you ever want to chat I'd love to make a new friend or plot out a roleplay, so don't be afraid to shoot me an ask or send me a private message. Just because my muse can be a jackass doesn't mean I am! I’m a huge advocate for mental health, and if you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t ever hesitate to reach out! Some of my hobbies including literature and writing (of course), digging into mythology from various cultures, practicing solitary eclectic paganism/new age spirituality, drinking tea, and collecting crystals/minerals.

Please note that for the sake of disclosure, I am considered ‘Neurodivergent’, in that I suffer from ADHD, diagnosed at about age six, and have Anxiety and Depression which are directly tied to it. This doesn’t often effect my life on here, but I sometimes have an unpredictable sleep schedule (stay up all night, sleep in late into the morning, etc). I’m usually quick to reply to threads for the most part! I work every Tuesday and Thursday from 5pm to 7pm in addition to odd jobs here and there, during which time I won’t have access to the Internet. The rest of the week I’m on and off all day basically, so you can feel free to contact me any time.

RP Style

⭐️ Please use basic spelling/grammar/punctuation when you RP with me. I'm not a drill sergeant about these kinds of things, I know that typos happen, and if you have a vision problem or such we can absolutely find a way to work around that, I also have no problem roleplaying with people whose first language is not English, so that's totally fine and I’m happy to accomodate in whatever way I can, but it does make it a little difficult to play with you if I don't know what you're trying to say. For this reason I prefer if you not use any text shorthand (lol, idk, brb, jk, etc) unless our muses are messaging each other. Using it in the tags is fine.

⭐️ I roleplay Laurens in a past-tense 3rd Person Point of View (think story-telling format), and generally I don't use icons or text formatting unless I notice my partner does, then I will try to match their style (for example if you use icons and small-text, I will try to do the same, though because formatting isn't possible on mobile, any mobile replies might take longer to be posted than if I were on my laptop). If you have any issues with how I'm writing or need me to adjust my style for any reason don't be afraid to ask.

Contact

⭐️ If you spam me with messages over and over again about something I haven't replied to, chances are I'll drop the thread. I don't mind being reminded because I know Tumblr's notifications are notoriously unreliable sometimes, and humans can forget/lose things, but if you keep poking at me after I've acknowledged you the first and second time, I won't be pleased. Things can get busy on here, or in real life, or sometimes you're just lacking muse for that particular thread, y'know? It doesn't mean I hate you and don't want to RP, I'm almost always up for plotting, but muse tends to fluctuate.

⭐️ My ‘Discord’ is available to mutuals upon request. I don't mind roleplaying on there if Tumblr is being glitchy or you're just not feeling up to formatted/heavily plotted threads, sometimes Discord is fun in that you can do immediate replies without needing the effort of putting icons and formatting into it. I also have a Kik but I never use it. I don't RP in Tumblr's IMs, that's purely for OOC interaction.

⭐️ I also occasionally stream movies/TV shows in group chats or play “in character” Cards Against Humanity game nights, Among Us, etc. If you’re interested, lemme know, I’m always looking for more people to hang out with!

Important

I have no actual triggers that I'm aware of, although snakes do creep me out (mostly shots of them coiled up or images of their pupils), but there are some things I will not roleplay personally for comfort reasons:

⭐️ Cannibalism. You can mention it, for example I won't freak out if someone tells my muse that somebody else ate a person (he might, assuming its not a Supernatural type verse), but I won't RP him engaging in cannibalism, not even in AUs (blood-drinking vampires are fine). I'm just not sure I could stomach writing about eating people. I managed to watch Hannibal, barely, but writing about it? Nah. I can handle lots of horror, gore and disturbing content but not this. Sorry.

⭐ Incest/Pedophilia. I do not SEXUALLY ship with characters under the age of 18. John is not attracted to children, and would never consider sleeping with someone much younger than him.

⭐ I will not write anything sexual with muns who are under 18 years old, even if your muse is an adult. I'll still ROLEPLAY with you if you are under 18 but probably no younger than 16 just because things tend to get explicit on my blogs and I don't want to be accused of corrupting the youth with my foul language and weird opinions, lol. Seriously though, this blog covers a lot of dark subjects and while I’m all for minors exploring that safely through writing rather than in real life, some people aren’t comfortable with interacting with under age people for legal or personal reasons, please respect that.

⭐ Necrophilia. Just... no. Vampire threads don't count, as they're undead and not 'dead dead'.

⭐ Rape. I won't write it with you. I'm okay with mentions of rape, with rape/sexual assault survivor/recovery plots, and even with one character intervening to rescue another from an attempted sexual assault (if an attempted assault does occur, it will be thoroughly tagged and under a cut). I'm fully open to discussing rape recovery/trauma plots as those are things that happen in real life, and it can be interesting to explore how a character reacts to trauma. But anything else is a no-go, sorry!

⭐ Please be aware that I write Laurens as a gay man. However! Because of the time period, violent homophobia and social stigma, he has slept with women before and may be seen flirting with or referencing relationships with women in the past. He is still gay, and still uninterested in being with women long term, he's simply closeted to all but a few individuals. So, unless your muse is Martha Manning (who Laurens DOES love in a manner, and he always will), shipping with female characters on here most likely isn't going to happen unless it's heavily plotted/developed and part of an overall plot, and you understand that it will not be a conventional sexual relationship. I'm sorry if that disappoints you but I've read Laurens as a gay male for so long I have trouble seeing him any other way.

⭐ I will not roleplay slavery plots. This is not up for debate. Roleplaying a highly fictionalized version of a long dead real person who existed during a troubling time is one thing, but I draw the line at that. For this reason, while I'll happily play with non-white muses, muses using non white faceclaims, and crossovers with characters of all sorts, I'll have to decline playing with any muse claiming to actually be writing slavery. There’s a difference between, say, roleplaying a character like Daenerys, a fictional character who was technically a slave-bride sold by her brother, and writing actual slavery from a very real, horrible time period. Slave ownership will of course be mentioned on this blog, that's unavoidable, but just like the mention of rape may happen on this blog from time to time, it will be in reference to a past event or speaking about the subject in general, not roleplaying a scene of it. Please respect this rule, I was hesitant to make this blog at first, because I know it makes some people uncomfortable, but I won't glorify such a horrible real thing that happened to so many people.

Exclusives/Mains

Just a head's up, unless I develop a bunch of chemistry with a particular portrayal of a muse I'm not likely to agree to being exclusives with anyone, unless perhaps it's a very niche or divergent character that has formed a good relationship of some sort with John and I'd have trouble interacting with other versions of that muse. For major characters I just feel it would be unfair to say no to someone who I click with in every other way, solely because I have already befriended someone else writing that character.

I will, however, discuss becoming mains with someone whom I've either developed or plotted out detailed storylines/interactions with regarding our specific portrayals of our characters. This means that I tend to reply to them quickly when I'm online, or may make little gifts (moodboards, aesthetic things, mini ficlets, whatever) for them unprompted, have a verse dedicated just to them, etc. Even if it seems like we haven't done much on Tumblr, there may be a lot of off-site development on Discord or whatnot that led to us plotting out intricate stories for our muses.

Current Mains:

Alexander Hamilton - @quillborn​

DO

⭐️ Send private messages.

⭐️ Send my character asks/starters/memes.

⭐️ Tag me in things.

⭐️ Ask to plot or ship.

⭐️ Ask for angst, fluff, etc.

⭐️ Submit things to me & my muse.

⭐️ Do crack and other ridiculous things with me!

⭐️ Like my RP threads.

⭐️ Like my personal posts.

⭐️ Comment on my personal/OOC posts (if you want to).

⭐️ Comment on my crack threads.

⭐️ Instant Message (IM) me if you'd like to talk, whether we're friends already or not!

DON'T

⭐️ Send hateful messages to me about other people and especially my mutuals; doesn't count if it's about the muse and not the person playing them, however. Also, if I’ve got beef with someone for whatever reason, don’t harass them/send hate to them on my behalf, please. I don’t condone anonymous abuse, attacking others, or harassment. I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself, I promise.

⭐️ Introduce yourself with ‘wanna ship?’ For one, I prefer if we’ve at least started a roleplay together, or have spoken OOC. Auto shipping doesn’t always work out and I hate promising people something only to realize there’s zero chemistry, because then I feel like I’m letting them down.

⭐️ Come into my inbox with just ‘wanna rp?’ and that’s it. Please at least have some idea of what you want to roleplay, it’s not very fun when someone approaches you to RP but then doesn’t offer up any suggestions at all. Remember, you are always free to send me memes, whether we’re mutuals or not, and hit me up for whatever plot you think might interest me! I want to hear about it!

⭐️ Spam me with "reminder" messages if I've already acknowledged you the first few times.

⭐️ Reblog my RP threads if you're not a participant in them.

⭐️ Send me anonymous OOC hate. Hate for Laurens is fine, it's just another form of roleplay.

⭐️ Kill off my character or severely injure/maim my character without permission or having plotted something involving that with me first.

⭐️ Follow me if you're a porn blog. I don't mind blogs that post NSFW content, or smut a lot, etc. I mean blogs that aren't for RP and are literally just a normal looking blog until you click on it and the header and first twenty posts are hardcore nudity and porn. I hate those things.

⭐️ Shame my ships.

⭐️ Complain about my tagging. I put my smut under a 'read more' without exception and tag them as "NSFW //" with two dashes. Things that are not necessarily graphic but still have sexual undertones go under "Suggestive //". I use these tags to avoid attracting attention from porn blogs and porn bots that track certain key words, as such I do not tag my content with "Smut" or trigger words such as "dick, oral, anal, nudity, etc", please block my NSFW and Suggestive tags if you're uncomfortable. Triggery subjects (mentions of rape, animal abuse, torture, mental illness) will be tagged under the name of said trigger with a space and two dashes, example: "Self Harm //", “Suicidal Ideation //” or "PTSD //".

⭐️ Godmod my character. If you’re not sure what is/isn’t okay, come talk to me! I don’t bite! If you’re looking for an example of god mod behavior, here: “X lunged at Laurens, taking him by surprise, and hit him square in the nose, causing blood to spurt.” It might not seem like a big deal but it means that you decided how your character’s actions affected my muse, and not only that, didn’t give him a chance to dodge or anything. Not cool.

⭐️ Ship with me without permission (sending in shippy asks is A-Ok if you're interested in exploring a ship between our muses, I'm talking about things like claiming that our muses are in a relationship without discussing it with me, referencing dates or sexual acts that never happened, etc. I ship mainly with chemistry otherwise things get boring fast.

⭐️ Assume/act like our characters know each other/are closely connected (friends/family/lovers) if we've never discussed it unless it is established in canon/history. This especially goes for original characters. I'm open to Laurens forming deep relationships with OCs obviously, but those have to be developed in character, not just assumed from the first interaction.

⭐️ Attempt to roleplay with me if you are not a roleplay blog/or if you're just trying to RP as "yourself." I don't do Character X Reader imagines stuff. I don't RP with 'fan' accounts, only RP blogs. You can still send asks so long as you're not trying to initiate an RP scenario. For example, asking Laurens what his hobbies are, asking for a blessing etc? That's fine. Spamming me with different actions "you" are talking to Laurens is weird. Stop that. I will also not RP with blogs that claim to roleplay as real life people, such as Markiplier, that's super creepy. This does NOT apply to "historical fiction" roleplay (obviously since that's what this blog is), which is considered its own genre of literature. I'm talking about the above where people will 'roleplay' as real life, currently alive people like YouTube celebrities and ship them with their friends, even if they've made it clear that they're uncomfortable with it. 

⭐️ Get angry at me for doing something you don't like if you don't even have a rules page for me to go by. It's not fair; you can't expect your partners to just read your mind and magically know how you feel. If something bothers you let me know, I’ll make a note about it so I avoid it during our interactions!

⭐️ Use me as a meme resource blog without ever interacting with me. I don't require "reblog karma" for you to follow me, partners are more than welcome to reblog from me, but if we never interact and I just occasionally see you reblog fifteen posts from my meme tag and then disappear again I'm not gonna be happy. Go to the source or to an archived blog no longer getting notifications, please!

⭐️ Reblog my Meta/Headcanons. If they're from a different blog it's fine but the ones I've personally written are for MY portrayal of Laurens. I work hard on most of my stuff and I'd prefer if you didn't reblog it, not because you aren't allowed to have the same headcanon ideas as me, but because then it ends up getting liked or reblogged by lots of other people, spamming my notifications, etc.

OCs & Multimuses

I love OCs and multi-muse blogs (I have my own multimuse sideblog over at @historyremembers, which has other 18th century characters including the Hamilton children and some OCs), so feel free to interact! That being said, please have an about page of some sort on your blog. I can't follow back blogs that have absolutely no information available regarding their character(s). I don't RP with OC children of Laurens. This is nothing personal, but I'm fairly certain he was gay in real life and prefer to play him that way, and he only had one child - who he never even got to meet - in real life, so it just wouldn't make sense to me for him to have other kids running around unless he'd adopted some. If you're a multimuse, I may not follow you back if I'm only familiar with two of your muses if you have a blog of fifteen characters, simply because I'd prefer to keep my dash clean and only have characters/fandoms I'm familiar with on it. I'll still RP with you if you have a character I'm interested in! I just might not follow back if the majority of your characters I do not know, I apologize for this.

If you’ve made it to the end of this, congrats! I know it couldn’t be easy (my ADHD brain was frustrated trying to just write all this up) but it’s necessary so there’s not misunderstandings on what I am/am not willing to RP. I won’t ask for a password since I trust most people to have the courtesy to at least skim the rules of those they want to RP with. 

Have a nice day!

[stupidwithu]

arms to fall right into

I heavily considered not posting this. I was really excited about writing it, but I’m not crazy about the end result. it’s different from what I usually write and what I planned to post on here, and idk how to feel about that yet. regardless, I decided to upload it because I don’t know if this ‘verse I accidentally thought up the other day will make much sense without this little bit of background. 

*FFH SPOILER* basically, it’s a post-ffh au where Peter hides out in Tennessee with Harley after Mysterio reveals his identity. the idea is that they work together to formulate a plan to save Peter’s ass while they develop Harley’s Ironlad persona. I’ll probably never write much detail on that though, which is why I’m posting this. this fic is a little angsty, but expect mostly sickfics and fluffy drabbles from this ‘verse (and feel free to send prompts, please :))

longest and most annoying author’s note aside, here goes nothing

Peter Parker x Harley Keener (MCU)

Passed Torch AU (forgot to mention, bi Peter)

__________

Harley’s fully engrossed in the open panel of his suit’s arm when he hears the first knock. If he’d been listening to music like he usually was, he probably wouldn’t have even heard it, for how soft and hesitant it was; to the young mechanic’s surprise, it erupts into an orchestra of chaotic slamming before Harley can even close the program. His hand extends to the drawer on his right, fingers dancing along the surface of his newest canon prototype, heart racing.

“Open the door, please.”

Harley lets the weapon fall back to the bottom of the drawer, where it lands with a quiet ‘bang.’ Instead, he shuts the panel and kicks back his desk chair as he rises to approach the bright red door. The window – at his eye level, now – is far too filthy for Harley to properly see his guest. He should probably do something about that.

“Please, Harley,” the voice begs. It booms over the sound of the knocking, but it’s far from powerful. It wavers beneath the volume and breaks between words.

Harley cracks the door open hesitantly, but the masked man – boy, probably – pushes it the rest of the way, barging in with a clumsy apology after the metal nearly knocks Harley on his ass.

He takes a few steps before doubling over, his back to the entrance. A skin-tight black mask is peeled from his face, a gloved hand running over his own forehead. The fabric lands on the ground between his legs as Harley locks the door again.

“Turn around. Now,” Harley demands with faux discipline.

So, he does. The boy – Harley can only assume he’s young; he towers over him by a few inches – rises slowly, turning to face Harley with his hands risen in surrender. Harley almost laughs at this, but stops himself at his new friend’s appearance. The poor kid’s hair is plastered to his face with sweat, skin flushed and colorless, minus his red-rimmed eyes and the subtle hue of the faded bruises that litter his cheeks. He’s shaking from his finger tips to his suit-clad legs. He’s crying, too.

“Peter?” Harley remembers. He was in a similar state when they met. Swap his current attire for a black suit and tie and Harley might think he was reliving the day. That reminds him, “Is that a stealth suit?”

“They know.”  Peter ignores him. He’s looking at Harley, but it sounds like he’s talking to himself. 

“Uh, who?”

“Everyone.”

Harley can’t help the look he gives Peter. He shows up at his garage – unannounced and certainly surprising – just to barge in and torment Harley with this ominousness and that gorgeous suit. He’s intrigued, but mostly concerned.

“What do they know?”

Now it’s Peter’s turn to look confused. He hiccups, then, “that I’m Spider-Man…?”

“Oh my God!” Harley follows the inappropriate shout by clamping a hand over his mouth. He chuckles into his own palm. “That actually makes sense... Wait, why wouldn’t you want people to know you’re Spider-man?” 

“Fucking… Mysterio!” Peter shouts without warning. In one sharp movement, he bashes an arm into the nearest table, scattering Harley’s equipment across the floor and leaving a fist-sized dent at the impact site. He just sobs. With both hands pressed to his face now, he muffles choked cries into them. Harley watches in horror. When Peter’s legs eventually give out, he lurches forward in an attempt to catch him; he’s off a beat, though, and both boys collapse into Peter’s mess.

“I don’t- I’m sorry,”

Peter tries to reconcile by cleaning up after himself, but each piece of tech he attempts to pick up just slips from his fingers. Harley tells him not to worry about it, but he insists. He reaches for the computer monitor – anxious to see the state of the screen once he flips it from it’s face down position – but Harley catches his wrist halfway. “Peter, stop. You’re makin’ it worse.”

Peter obliges, finally, sinking in on himself. He makes an effort to control his breathing (in for 8, hold for 4, out for 8, like May always preached). It takes a few minutes and multiple failed attempts, but he manages. Harley doesn’t offer any help, really, but his hand lingers over Peter’s the entire time.  

“I’m sorry,” Harley chuckles, once he’s sure Peter isn’t going to hyperventilate. “What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know.”

Harley stands finally, swiping his hands over his sweatpants to rid some of the dirt from the floor before extending his arm to Peter. “What are you doing here?”

Truth be told, Peter isn’t really sure. He was gone before Beck’s recording could fade to black, Happy’s words taunting him as he rushed to the location of his backpack. He took it to the roof of Tower 28, the same daunting question echoing. You’re all alone, your friends are in trouble, what are you going to do? The first time Happy asked him, he felt invincible. He meant to thank Happy for that – for helping him get his head on straight, realize what he needed to do, what he could do… But the whole conversation felt like a joke now. In that jet, Peter felt like he could breathe for the first time in, well… years, technically. Now, though, he was right back to square one. 

Looking out over Queens, Peter had two choices. The first one was to just jump, but even he could see it was a little dramatic (besides, the suit had parachutes). So, he resorted to his preferred method of damage control: What would Mr. Stark do? In hindsight, coming to Harley was a stupid idea. Sure, it’s something Tony might’ve done – Hell, he did do it, but those were different circumstances.

Once Harley pulls him to his feet, Peter shrugs. “Couldn’t go anywhere else.”

Harley cocks his head to the side, dirty blonde waves draping across his forehead.

“I thought, you know, if people knew I was Spider-Man, they’d come after the people I love.” Peter explains. “And I guess I was right, because Beck knew, and he tried to kill MJ and Ned… and Betty… Happy too…”

“Who?” Harley catches him just before he spirals.

“I made a stupid mistake, and I put my friends in danger. Now, I’m a fucking terrorist! And my name – my name – is plastered on every TV screen in the world... May,” Peter cuts himself off. He blinks, a few tears streaming rapidly down his cheeks before he can wipe them away. “Happy, my friends… None of them are safe as long as I’m around.”

“You’re a terrorist?” is all Harley says. He looks around the garage, then, “Maybe I’ve spent too much time cooped up in here…”

Peter pinches the bridge of his nose, exhaling shakily. “Harley, please.”

“Okay, fine.” Harley sighs, suddenly serious. “My sister’s up there.”

He motions to the staircase in the center of the room. “I appreciate you stormin’ in here and puttin’ me in danger – very Tony of you, by the way – but my sister-”

“I- um, I didn’t- I’m sorry.” Peter panics, tripping over his words as he physically stumbles. He takes his mask back into his hand, clutching it tightly. “I shouldn’t have come here.”

Harley gulps. He should probably take a glimpse at the news before deciding what to do. There’s no time for that, though, and he knows he can’t let Peter leave like this. 

Harley stops him breathlessly just before he can unlock the door, wrapping his hand once again around Peter’s, this time to stop him from puling the handle. “Wait,”

“I just don’t understand,” Harley tries to explain, but Peter isn’t listening. His eyes go unfocused, confusion then fury practically reflecting from his irises. Harley scrambles to follow his gaze.

“What is that?”

“Nothin’,” Harley tries to step between Peter and his half-finished suit, but Peter pushes him to the side easily. Harley staggers, reaching for the note that resides just beside the half-drunk Redbull Peter initially distracted him from. He’s just seconds too late.

Peter takes the card between his fingers, glossy eyes scanning the calligraphy.

For the next Ironman,

don’t make me regret this.

Your friend,

The Mechanic.

__________

** the part about Happy was inspired by this post

[theladylovingcrow]

New Places, Friendly Faces (Sanny) Pt 1

Author (As known on Various sites): Lady Lover- Rockfic, Luluthechoosingcrow - AO3, theladylovingcrow - Deviantart and Wattpad, @sammy_bluebells - Instagram, @imacrowcawcaw - main Tumblr, @theladylovingcrow - writing/art Tumblr, @insannywestan - Sanny shipping Tumblr

Fandom: Greta Van Fleet

Pairing: Sam Kiszka/Danny Wagner (Sanny), lil bit of Danny/Ronnie but he's quickly swept away with Sam

Length: about 2k

Warnings/Tags: Alternate Universe, Diner AU, No band AU, fluff, some angst, awkwardness, first dates, you know the ones where person A's date is failing and person B comes and sits with them, sorry i forgot what its called but that, hand holding, flirting, Sanny

Summary: Danny was nervous; he had been building up the courage for *weeks* to arrange a date, and now.... He wasn't quite sure what to think of the situation he found himself in. The night certainly wasn't going as he had expected it to - and his emotions had never ridden a roller coaster this fast. Hell, the beautiful angel holding his hand wasn't even the one he had arranged to meet 2 hours ago.

Author's Notes: I don't know what inspired me to do this but I'm very very happy with how it's turning out (and I've never written a longer-ish multi chapter story before, so this is interesting!) I would hate for Danny to not know the Kiszkas growing up, but hey I think I made their first meeting pretty damn cute!

Also, just FYI this is set roughly in late January of whatever year, so the twins are supposed to be 20, Ronnie is 18 I think, Danny just turned 18, and Sam is 17 (I think I did all the math right but idk) HOWEVER it wasn't until I finished that I realized I absolutely did not make their appearances congruent with what they would have looked like then.... Sam and Danny look like 2018 ish but the twins also look like their high school selves :( Idk sorry

Also, because Sam is 17, this will not be posted on Rockfic and will be marked as underage, though I'm not planning for it to get dirty

---------------

Danny had been taping his foot for the past fifteen minutes.

He usually didn't do that, it wasn't his nervous tick of non-choice, but Michelle hadn't showed up yet, and it was nearing eight.

Checking his watch, Danny watched the hand tick to 7:58 and then looked up, peering around the restaurant he was in.

Diner, he corrected himself. It was a homey, 1960's American diner, a little more exposed timbers and bear carvings than checkered tiles and jukeboxes, but that's what you got in Michigan. The building was low and sturdy, a log structure with a river rock chimney over the grills in back. Every single wall was decorated with various signed pictures of celebrities that had passed through, local newspaper articles about Gerald and Fern's Homestyle Grill, old handsaws, vintage pop signs, and a million other trinkets and posters chosen by the owners (Gerald and Fern, he assumed, though they'd probably passed on considering how old the place looked to be).

It was a nice restaurant, Danny thought; the atmosphere was welcoming and calm despite the occasional clamor from the kitchen, and the decor was very interesting to look at. Plus, the waitress that had directed him to a window booth and brought him some water was just gorgeous.

'Don't think that! You're on a date, idiot' Danny scolded himself,  shaking his head. Well, he was technically waiting for the date to start, seeing as she hadn't showed up yet. But, he still shouldn't be admiring another girl like that when his wasn't there - that would just make him an asshole.

But maybe Michelle was a little bit of an asshole because she said she'd meet him at 7 o'clock and it was now 8:06- 'Stop. It.' Danny scolded himself again, mentally smacking himself upside the head.

'Didn't your mother ever tell you to assume the best of people?' One voice asked.

'Of course!' Another Danny answered.

'Well, then, she probably got stuck in traffic, or her dog threw up in her car, or she hit a bad pothole, or her mom made her go to the store, or-'

'Okay, I get it! She probably doesn't mean to be so late,' Danny conceded, concluding the conversation he was having with himself. Maybe the waitress was right and he had been sitting there by himself for a little too long.

Of course, being the nice girl she was, the waitress - Ronnie her name was Ronnie - had stopped by periodically whenever she had a minute to chat with him or finally bring him some coffee after he had given in to the craving.

Danny looked down at the small bouquet wilting on the table and sighed. Looked like this date was a bust, just like the few others he'd attempted, and he'd actually been very excited to see her. In fact, it was Michelle who had suggested this Gerald's Grill when he had shyly asked her out in Biology.

He had finally made up his mind to just stop wasting Ronnie's time and go home when a group of boys came trouping in, wet from the snow but in exuberant spirits and, apparently, "In great need of some refreshment, Ronnie dear!"

That made him want to pack up and get out even faster because, honestly, he didn't need any more knowing looks or judgement right now, but the last boy to walk in made him freeze with his coat halfway on.

The kid looked about Danny's age, roughly the same height but a whole lot skinnier. He had on skin tight jeans, scuffed hiking boots, and a red woolen coat. When he turned to talk to Ronnie, Danny could see the Tom Petty hoodie beneath the jacket and some silver necklaces.

'Nice,' he thought, 'seems like a cool guy: good taste in music and fashion.'

Also, 'Fucking gorgeous'.

What made him pause his leaving, though, wasnt the guy's body but his face - his sculpted brows, insanely high cheekbones, pink lips, and long lashes; all framed by the healthiest looking head of hair Danny had ever seen, second only to his own, or possibly one of the guy's he had come in with (the one who yelled for Ronnie) that had rather impressive, long curls styled to look like 70's mutton chops. There was something naggingly familiar about his features, but Danny couldn't place it.

Ronnie rolled her eyes and pointed the group of boys to a large table in the Eastern corner of the diner.

She snagged some menus and followed behind them, though another guy, this one also with long hair (he was having some competition here) grown out Justin Beiber style (okay, maybe not) said; "We don't need those, Ronnie, I'm pretty sure Sammy here has the whole menu memorized by now. Right, Sam-a-lam-a?"

The intruiging boy nodded, starting to recite off what sounded like a very accurate, detailed account of the diner's menu, prices and everything. Danny was surprised at the slight raspy, smokers quality of his voice, but it was pleasant, in a way.

After the fourth item or so, Ronnie stopped "Sammy" with a swat to the shoulder, shaking her heading and muttering "stupid genius" under her breath. He grinned up at her, wiggling his eyebrows and asking for a round of Vernors, pretty please, Ronnie-kins.

Holy shit, they were siblings! That's what had been buzzing at the back of his head for the past couple minutes; those mouths and cheekbones, seductive eyes, that lovely hair. The guy was Ronnie's brother (and no wonder he was so beautiful then).

Squinting, Danny watched the party in the corner. Two of the other guys, 70's hair and Justin Beiber (though he felt bad calling him that since he seemed cool and, hey, he'd  had the same 'do when trying to grow his out) were laughing at something Ronnie said, leaning on each other and behaving the exact same way, down to their blinks.

Twins! Danny could tell because he had two cousins, also twins, that acted exactly like that. Wait, though.... they looked awfully similar to-

More siblings?! Jesus, how many kids did this family have? He hoped the four were all, for the sake of their parents.

He guessed that the twins were a little older, so either "Sammy" or Ronnie had to be the youngest, though they all looked awfully similar in age.

'Seriously, how do their parents handle that?' Especially with the attractive, flirty twins, beautiful daughter, and the super smart supermodel - it had to be several handfuls raising a house like that. Danny suddenly felt a bit more sympathy for his parents, even with just having to deal with him and his little sister.

Ronnie sashayed away, calling over her shoulder for the boys to keep it down. They all hooted and hollered in response, seeing as Danny was the only other patron to bother at the moment.

Danny slowly sat back down, curious as to what interesting conversations he would hear from the group. The twin with curly hair was currently talking to a larger guy on the other side of the table about the "carefully curated sensuality" of Led Zeppelin's Prescence, which alone made him want to stay.

Not to mention, he could continue to observe the hot guy that was immediately fascinating him like few people did. Danny wasn't deluded enough to think it was love at first sight - though it was definitely a fair amount of lust - but there was something about the other boy that made him want to track his every move down to the blinking of his eyes.

"Woah there, creepy much? Chill out, he probably doesn't even like guys anyways," Danny muttered to himself, hoping that his staring wasn't obvious enough to make "Sammy" aware of it. He loved to people watch - and admire, but hated the uncomfortable confrontation of acknowledging that he had been doing so.

Supermodel boy twisted in his chair, looking at one of the many things on the wall - though it made Danny's breath catch because, could he tell? - when he caught Danny's eye. He smiled at Danny, making him smile a little tightly and nod in return.

At that moment, Ronnie came out of the back with a platter of glass pop bottles and a notebook tucked into her apron pocket, using her hip to close the swinging half-door to the area behind the counter. She smiled at Danny as he passed, murmuring a soft "I'll be right back with you," before continuing on to her brothers' table.

Gorgeous boy laughed - a surprisingly obnoxious, though maybe endearing, braying one - and reached out a fine boned hand, plucking a bottle from the tray before she could set it down. He took a long swallow, throat visibly working and eyes half closed, head tipped back. Danny quickly averted his own eyes unless he started drooling onto the tabletop.

Ronnie came over to him after a minute, refilling his coffee and insisting that she get him a piece of pie, on the house. He didn't have the heart to tell her no, not after more than an hour of sitting there pitifully, and especially not now that he knew her gorgeous brothers (or at least one of them, the prettiest, too) knew he was there. It would be incredibly embarrassing for them to know that he was stood up and alone; Danny wanted to give off a good impression, for some reason.

Ronnie walked away again, hips swaying, and disappeared into the back. "Sammy" laughed at the table in the corner and Danny's eyes shot to him, watching how he played with his straw between those two pillowy lips.

He started sweating a little bit, considering who he thought was more attractive (not like either of them would be interested in him, but). Ronnie was curvy and kind and beautiful, but Sam was lean and charismatic and had the most lovely facial structure Danny had ever seen.

'Ugh, bisexual problems', Danny thought. No one else would have know what he was talking about if they were there, though, since he had never mentioned it to his parents nor his few friends.

He wondered, idly - because he really was out of their league and it would never, ever happen - what his family would think if he brought either of them home. Ronnie would be sure to elicit absolute delight from his mother after her admonishment for getting a girlfriend in the first place (despite the fact that he was allowed to do what he wanted now that he was 18, Danny's mom still saw him as her little boy). Ronnie's brother, he wasn't sure; it's not like they were homophobic, but Danny was certain that him bringing home a guy out of nowhere would be quite the shock.

They'd warm up to Sam (he didn't want to call him "Sammy"; it felt too familiar to he polite, though he did like that), he was sure. His parents would be impressed by his intelligence and be charmed by his jokes, and tell Danny that they were glad he had found such a nice boyfriend.

Danny drifted off into a daydream of what it would be like to date Sam, to take him to family holiday meals and go out hiking with him and cuddle up on a late winter afternoon like this one. He rested his head on his hand, letting his eyes go unfocused as he envisioned the imaginary world in which he had an 11/10 boyfriend.

"Hey, I've got your pie. Mind if I sit and eat mine with you?"

-------------

@satans-helper @okietrish @lazingonsunday @bigthighsandstupidguys @karrotkate @oblvions @lantern-inthenight @mountainofthefleet seriously PLEASE tell me if anyone else wants to be tagged in Sanny and I'll add it to my list because I guessed these peeps last time and got it right but I can't remember if there's anyone else

[advernia]

the world in her heart, her heart in his hands

assorted sidenotes for the fic i made in response to an anon-sent aesthetic prompt! oooh boy, i sure took long on this one lmao...... _(:3 」∠)_

prompt #7: steady notes coming from a guitar nearby, fireflies dancing around the clearing, two sleeping bags close together, and a bright full moon briefly covered by a cloud.

so the core idea i had when i saw that prompt got requested was based on jonah’s say i do! route: he says that one day, he wanted to go to the land of reason + see the place alice was born and raised. tbh idk how the prompt even led me to that, but the imagery vibes i got from the prompt hinted of something like freedom. or something like lovers secretly meeting in the woods, which i sort of went by.

OKAY SO I SWEAR I FINISHED WRITING THE PROMPT (day zero!!!) EARLY (by my standards) LMAO.............. like, maybe a week after i got the ask or so? but then when i went about proofreading it i felt that it was... lacking??? i can’t explain it myself, but i didn’t wanna post it yet until i got that feeling cleared out - i tried revising + adding, but it didn’t help so i just started thinking about expanding the fic instead...

thinking about the scenes really took longer than i thought?!?!?! i wanted this request up early but i was stumped on what kind of scenes i wanted to see + how their lengths were gonna be.... plus i was thinking if i should go solely on narration + description........ or maybe more of dialogue...... then i jumped to holy shit what’s my timeline gonna be what cultural whatnot am i gonna emphasize and i think i fussed over those aspects rather than picturing the actual scenes LMAOOO.......................

great disclaimer: i have NEVER stepped into the uk..... or england + london for that matter ahahaha GET REKT tho i want to someday huehuehue....... i heavily relied my research on maps + history websites + train timetables to help me get through the touring parts so do forgive me if i messed up somewhere + butchered history haha..... i was thinking to make things vague, but since i’m always in for emphasizing the differences between cradle + land of reason, i decided to get a little technical with it......

i have to admit that i wrote most of the fic during breaks in work hELLA RAD........... i’m doing my job properly, i swear........ it’s just that when i already have a stable idea of what i want to happen, the scene becomes clearer in my mind. i wanted so! badly! to add scenes of jonah pronouncing words and looking at various things funny!!! jonah and his attempts to communicate with londoners!!! fussy jonah poking around a boutique, him being fascinated + studying displays of gun shops, or him accidentally offending the royal guard + constables LMAOOOOO but i couldn’t seem to write anything satisfactory involving those ideas........... ಥ_ಥ

back to the issue of timeline, i was picturing the london in this fic to be around the 1860s or smth.... but then i remembered that in edgar’s dramatic end letter, he mentions his fascination with electricity aka lightbulbs......... which were, like...... discovered early 1800s but only became common in 1882 ahahaha....... when i realized this i was already writing day 18 oOOPS so i just decided to go on and wing it I’M SORRY _(:3 」∠)_

on timeframe, i know that it’s very highly unlikely that jonah would take a vacation for two months. i bet the mere concept of a one-month vacation is enough to give him a heart attack LMAOOOO but let’s just say that red army told him to take his time in the land of reason, especially when they learn that jonah plans to formally meet alice’s parents. when he hears about this, lancelot tosses in the suggestion of proposing to alice while they’re in the land of reason, so that jonah can tell her parents about that too. jonah thinks it’s a fantastic idea..... so he decides to accept hot damn, a two month vacation!

whole route & lengths of stay (points streaked with red are mentioned within the fic minus nottingham whoops sorry):

london [16 days bc IT’S A BIG CITY LMAO (day 30 - 14). rides a morning train going to bristol on the 14th, arrives there midday.]

bristol [5 days (day 14 - 9). leaves bristol on the morning of the 9th to walk all the way to glastonbury, arrives there come late afternoon / evening.]

glastonbury [4 days (day 9 - 5). leaves midday of the 5th to walk their way to alice’s village, arrives there around sunset.]

alice’s village / ‘actual wonderland’ lmao [5 days (day 5 - 0). located somewhere in between bridgwater, taunton, and glastonbury. month 1 of vacation has ended.]

day log commentary!

thirty. arrival in the land of reason through falling - routes where alice does go back don’t feature her falling down london’s sky, so maybe she’s just... spit out from the hole????? idk haha so i altered it anyway!!!!! the landing scene was initially like this: jonah lands first, he catches alice in his arms, they banter a bit....... and then they suddenly remember the suitcase only for said object to fall right on jonah’s head LMAOOO....... it’s a cradle magical object that looks like a regular suitcase but will always be as light as a feather despite it’s contents + it has GREAT CAPACITY so jonah is actually okay!!!!!! i decided to scrap that scene concept though haha!

twenty-nine. does the hole to the land of reason only open around midnight or smth???? i’m sure it doesn’t, but i went with jonah + alice leaving cradle minutes before twelve o’clock, so when they arrive in london jonah gets to see the big ben signal midnight. is that planned on alice’s part? maybe. on another note, i’m assuming that a high-ranking officer + noble like jonah is definitely used to traveling to other countries so he’s definitely not one for homesickness, but i like the thought of him always feeling all sorts of uncomfortable on his first nights away from home - he doesn’t make a big deal about it bc he gets better three days in or so. idk, it just seems fitting for someone very particular like him.

twenty-seven. if luka’s hair is fucking dyed, my god (no wonder i found those light ends of his hair sorta funny), then here’s jonah excuse to adapt another hair color with the help of magic crystals LMAO - i always stick with a reality ensues standpoint, so his ikeman looks aside, i’m sure londoners would find jonah’s hair color (heck, maybe even his eye color) very unique. alice can’t deal with all that sudden attention lol but she somewhat proud that the man who has effortlessly captured the attention of the people of her world too is the man she proudly calls her lover ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

twenty-three. now that i think of it, what exactly does cradle mean when they say the land of reason? are they simply referring to the city of london, or earth as a whole??? most likely the latter, but i’m pretty sure no one except blanc (and possibly ray bc that globe in his room lol) know exactly how large the land of reason is. anyway, not gonna lie, i wanted jonah + alice talking about novels by maybe the likes of charles dickens, thomas hardy, george eliot or h.g. wells. heck, maybe jane austen and charlotte bronte too!!!! but i had to scrap that bc gaps in understanding cultural & historical references + use of language, figurative and non-figurative.... it’s a shame about the last two though - i’m sure jonah can somehow probably relate to the society depicted in their books since the red territory sounds like your typical breeding place of victorian era nobles lmao!!!!

eighteen. sometimes when people learn / gain a deeper understanding about new things, they have the urge to brag about said knowledge to others - of course jonah wants to show alice what he knows about her world so far haha! calling a train a mechanical beast tho lmao..... he refers to it that way, but i think it’s his target of fascination in london!!! noise and possibly environmental issues aside, it’s very convenient + efficient and can cater to all, but what he finds most impressive that it’s a man-made locomotive!!! that’s something worth incredible praise!!! ( ᐛ )و

fourteen. actual train ride!!! hmmm.... i think jonah only panics maybe a good thirty minutes in when the train starts moving??? alice tries to calm him down by pointing at the passing scenery out the window + idle chatter until jonah finally relaxes himself.... but then he starts to panic slightly again when alice suggests that they look around the train and he’s like: is that even remotely safe??? what about our baggages, can we leave them unattended??? hey, i saw you snicker - how dare you laugh at me!!!

nine. according to google, an estimate of a walk starting from bristol going to glastonbury is 8h 25min. that’s for the present time though - would’ve it been shorter or longer in the past??? idk, but definitely one’s pace during the walk affects the total time, lol. since railroads only started out around 1830s + i made alice a village girl, walking really is her way to go. pedestrianism was still a thing around the 19th century!!! her stamina in other routes tho lol (ﾟ⊿ﾟ)

six. here’s my self-indulgent thing of wanting to add a dance scene, pt. 1 LMAOOOO -   the steps in the scene aren’t really from a certain folk dance in england, much less from glastonbury itself... i did look up on england folk dances, but i couldn’t pick one that i wanted to incorporate into the scene so i went with describing some random steps on the top of my head _(:3 」∠)_ ..... maybe someday, i’ll write a proper one..... on another note though, i suppose jonah can adapt quickly to folk dances, but he may come off a bit stiff at first in line / column dances where there’s the switch of partners??? i mean, there are formal 19th century dances that have that same concept, but.... the finesse + personal boundaries are all there lmao -  he’s not against the casual intimacy + show of obvious joy in folk + common dances though, it’s just more of that he’s not used to the informality of it all, i think.

five. plot twist: alice does lead jonah to her home, the cottage on a hill like she always described, but what he doesn’t expect is when she solemnly says that she’d introduce him to her parents she leads him to the back of the hill and in the foot of the hill he finds himself staring at her parents’ gravestones as she’s smiling sadly with a bouquet of flowers in her hand OH WAIT WRONG GENRE WASN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FLUFF LMAO - kidding aside, i do hope cybird catches onto the idea of a story event of chosen suitor going to the land of reason with alice to meet her parents or smth!!! they did do a travel event in the jp ver, after all.... but i’m not keeping my hopes up haha....... _(:3 」∠)_

zero. self-indulgent thing of wanting to add a dance scene, pt. 2 - tho it’s in the latter part along with the prompt lmao!!! hmmm, i’m pretty satisfied with how this one turned out tho i had a little problem arranging the first half - the rest i relatively left untouched even after i added the rest of the days to the fic. hopefully, does well as a nice end to the fic itself..... tbh, the thought of summer dress alice + casual shirt & pants jonah both barefoot & running around like children in moonlit woods (don’t do this in real life folks) made me smile a lot. give me more soft-and-not-so-tooth-rotting-fluff scenes, cybird

also!!! since the prompt involved a guitar, i had a certain track on repeat lmao - you can listen to it here, and it’s the second to the last track titled umibe ni yurete (swaying in the beach)! (ノ^∇^)

and that’s all that i’ve got today!!! thank you very much for reading + hope you’re staying safe & well wherever you are!!!!（｡≧◇≦）ﾉ

[avianhaven]

i complained in the tags but actually im making a longer post bc wow it was bad, okay just general bullet points. also let it be known we stopped half way so this is all abt the first half / 2 thirds of the film

*the entire past the very beginning scene w him as a baby and the growing up transition for like at least a half hour, and rly entire movie past it, just involves scene after scene of this 12 yr old kid getting brualized in different ways. fun *i kno the original work is basically the same way but it’s like one of those survival of the fittest / nature is cruel, the fight for dominance of man and nature etc whatever kind of things w/ the added anthropomorphization of animals as a metaphor that literally no one has ever done well except maybe jack london and even he didnt do it Great but he did it better than everyone else so there’s that. *uhh idk if its in the original but human kid has a wolf friend / pack mate whatever who’s albino named boot but spelt differently in an attempt to make it uhhh idk, culturally specific but still done entirely with the intent of making a name close to english ( i googled it and i think all of the names are like that? apparently mowgli the book protag name is a completely made up fake name for one )

*talking abt something less heavy actually first off, so the music makes no sense. like not even the mess of a plot just on a technical level it sucked ASS. the transitions just fell from one scene to another, and some scenes were rly just like powerpoint transition scenes in terms of quality. the whole thing was SO disjointed it made no sense. also like, there was rly random BG music a few times? like this one scene w uhh big snake w a weird horse face and fucking jazz was playing, mightve happened when wolf dad dies or something too?? scene w kid in cage and like/ 1920s type gramophone type music it make no sense. whoever edited this movie was WACK. all the animals were ugly as all hell and the snake had a weird scene w the kid and it had RLY bad cg overlay of reflections of the kid but also the past and future like a shitty a christmas carol ripoff type of thing?? WACK.

and anyway he’s uhhh “special”, something the movie uses word for word, bc of his albinism and there’s a lot of subtle ableism in his who character and his final scene w him arguing w MC kid, and he also gets murdered by the white guy hunter and this is shown in a scene where MC kid is in his hut and sees his friend’s fucking head on a pike as a trophy like....real freaky unnecessary shit and highly ableist for reasons i cant fully extricate but are nonetheless there. *i mean like i said p much all “ #like i was talking to gus and making a point that most tarzan esque media plots tend to be racist propaganda in disguise in some way#intentionally or just inspiration porn for kill the savage save the man type mentality” like...the whole “oohhhh savage child raised in the wilderness and brought into SocietyTM and taught civilization things and then finds a weird balance between civ and nature or whatever is so...white propaganda-y and has a lot of colonialist Vibes from it, but the ableism aspect was also nice the whole “ohh im not a wolf i cant do Wolf things” and the white wolf kid being like that’s why we’re friends we’re different but we’re Special(TM) and then the kid yells and takes his anger out on his friend in a kind of weird gross way and it’s not mentioned again narratively until surprise! head on a pike emotional torture porn

*uhh so white guy hunter is randomly given a weird spotlight he wasnt in the original from what i know? like it’s a village full of people and the kid never actually speaks with any of them and it’s weird, like i kno they only got one actor and it takes course over the period of months so language aquisition is hard or whatever but hm like there’s a bunch of kid villagers who mock him when he first gets found, and he gets put in a cage when he first got found by them so that’s great. there’s a nice lady who baths him and gives him Shoes and idk if she’s even shown again rly, and there’s some random dude w a bovine or something. also random kids he maybe plays w which might be the same kids who mocked him?? idk *BUT YEAH white guy, he’s just...everywhere.....he’s the person who knocks the kid out initially i think? implied to have been the one to put him in a cage. the first to give him food, the first person the kid sees when he’s free from the cage and he gives him a knife randomly. there’s a scene w poacher british dude drunk and the kid like...follows him around and it has weird questionable imagery and connotations to it, and also the guy might’ve fucking yanked the kids hair during this scene?? and then after this the weird scene w albino wolf’s head as a trophy and the white guy makes weird drunk narrative word salad that doesnt really make sense or actually contribute to the narrative really so idk why they include this. the white dude just plays a much more prominent role than he ever needed to at all, ever, ever. also b4 the Bad Scene it seemed like the movie was trying to make him out into a Good Guy until trying to “shock’ everyone w him being bad? like there’s a weird scene where the kid learns to hug him it made no sense at all TBH. the only good scene was when he’s talking w the regular people and some old dude is like “you good?” and hes drunk and like fuck yeah and the old dude just gives another guy a look like Hm dont trust this stanky white man at all what a bitch, the only scene that matters.

*i forget what my original words abt it were, but like w only the white guy given any characterization it rly makes the rest of the movie, the people in it and the setting, feel rly cheap and performative....like very voyeuristic. just scenes of these Village People and we live in a society but it’s all music BG scenes of them farming or weaving or playing w none of them given any characterization really. there’s like one scene of them at Holi i think that i cant tell if it makes that feeling less or more so.....maybe slightly less but in other ways possibly more is the feeling. hm.

[lucalicatteart]

do people ever try to absorb the souls of recently dead loved ones (presumably with their prior consent), like in some morbid attempt to be with them forever? or could someone deliberately absorb a soul and then sacrifice themself, allowing the second soul to take over? seems like something a hopeless romantic might try, or the potential beginnings of a cult!

 ohgg,  thmank you for the question… always interesting to consider other things I didn’t think about before lol! hmmm… Both of these things are definitely possible, but like with most nonsense in realm of magic, there would be a lot of potential downsides and ways it also wouldn’t work well lol. ((tw for vague mention of death and occasional mention of suicide in the context of self sacrifice)) [also i think this ask is in reference to this post about soul magics here (link), so there’s the context] 

It could be done, though they would have to keep in mind that, there can really only be one main soul in a body at once (with the exception of a few very temporary things like possession or certain soul magics where people enter the dreams of others or etc.). 

Absorbing the soul would inevitably mean the other person would just fade away into the Main Soul, so though perhaps you could communicate with them inside of you for a while, they would eventually fade and just become an indistinguishable part of you. Which I guess could have symbolic meaning to a person, but it wouldn’t be as if you could keep them alive within you and have regular conversations with them forever or anything. 

But I guess would be interesting, or moreso creepy, to know like, the past 10 loved ones that have died you just absorbed into yourself, you could get more powerful while also possibly justifying that you now ‘’carry a part of them everywhere you go’’ or something… though I’d still see the decision to absorb them rather than find a better solution for dealing with the souls as somewhat suspicious (like even if it was consensual I’d wonder if the people absorbed were tricked by a possessive partner into thinking that was the only option, or were otherwise not well informed, since the field of soul magic would have plenty other ways to keep people alive longer if that was the goal, thus them choosing to absorb the souls would indicate in some way that their goal isn’t to keep them alive/spend more time with them,  but merely to absorb for the sake of getting some emotional satisfaction out of knowing they’ve consumed their dead loved one into themselves, which again,, Suspicious lol… )

 Though the idea does present some interesting dynamics, especially with secrets and stuff, like if you absorbed a loved one and went through that process where you can experience bits and pieces of their consciousness for the first few days and were to find out something through their secondhand memories or traumas that they had never even told you about while they were alive, and now it’s too late to address since they’ll be fading away soon, or etc. And other similar possible ~~dramatic~~ issues which could occur lol

 (rest of info  under a read more since this got long bhbh)

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This would probably just be pretty pointlessly masochistic (not in a sex way lol but like, general concept of ‘knowingly putting yourself in pain’ ) for the person doing it though, since as mentioned, soul absorption is incredibly painful physically, as well as I’d imagine it’d be kind of difficult to be bombarded with a mild first hand experience of your loved one’s internal state and fears and memories and probably even have some degree of a dialogue with them while they’re fading away.. I don’t know anything about this stuff since I never have relationships or anything, but I could imagine that if you have a loved one who has died and is currently trapped within you and fading further, temporarily adopting elements of their internal experience would be like.. worse??  Like you can’t even step away from the fact that it’s happening and your consciousnesses are now briefly merged to a degree, you basically are dying with them in spirit as they pass away a second time from your soul entirely consuming theirs, hearing their last thoughts as they pass away, feeling the emotions they feel as they die and become absorbed into your own soul (all whilst you’re probably having severe physical health issues from the magic and etc.).. just seems.. Bad… 

But I guess I could see someone impulsively deciding to do this out of weird desperation despite it basically being pointless suffering for a few days only to have the consciousness and personality and etc. of the loved one as they know it STILL be entirely lost after all the effort anyway. I accidentally tend to ignore the emotional side of things and the fact that people don’t always act rationally (the biggest area where I think my own personality and mental illness based emotional deficits kind of limit me when worldbuilding, I always forget to think about stuff like romance or attachments to others or feelings about people making you act in not entirely logical ways and how that could affect magic/the world/etc, since that’s so entirely removed from anything I could ever personally experience lmao) , so given that, it’s definitely possible someone somewhere has done this in the  millions of  years that conscious living beings have been in Nanyevimi. Not all people would use soul magic reasonably or be calm and aware of all possible ways to magically solve a problem, especially after a loved one has just died or something. 

However, since someone has to be high level in soul magics to do any absorbing to begin with, I still think it would be likely they would find a better solution. There ARE many cases of loved ones dying and people using soul magic to trap their soul into an inanimate object temporarily until they can find another host for the soul, then like, going out and murdering someone to use their body to put the soul of their loved one in so they can live on or etc. etc. But this is still limited by the fact that, high level soul magics like this are very inaccessible to a majority of the population, and you’d also be taking a huge risk, you could easily fracture or damage your loved one’s soul during this process, leading to a lot of situations like the super common trope of “i did some weird magic shit to bring someone I love back to life and they’re not totally the same any more/I wish i hadn’t have done it due to the consequences/They don’t remember me anymore/They’re a monster/They’re in so much pain i hate seeing them this way it isn’t worth it/etc” . 

It can definitely work fine, it would just be highly uncommon to face no complications lol. This is something people do with themselves a lot too, though likely if you’re able to do soul magics you’d also be advanced enough to find an efficient way to keep your own body immortal, some people do practice regularly jumping from body to body when their old one dies, constantly taking on different identities and etc (especially people who have lived thousands of years and maybe just want to , ~~spice things up~~  by living in various bodies, though the same thing could be more easily achieved through just keeping one immortal body and regularly using heavy shape-shifting, I could still see someone deciding to exclusively take various living unaltered bodies for The Authenticity or something lol ). I would say body jumping or finding new forms for your soul/the soul of a loved one to inhabit would be a  more common tactic of soul/life preservation than like, trying to just merge their soul with your own. 

I guess a way the soul merging with a loved one COULD work is if you timed it exactly right , like how I mentioned that if you die before fully absorbing the souls you’re attempting to absorb, it can lead to being alive yet permanently trapped in a strange partially combined state?? So I guess that would be possible, to like make your physical body die somewhere halfway into the process and hope you get the desired result and then jump that soul into a new body in your new combined form… However there’s still so much that could go wrong, it would be impossibly rare to actually time correctly and get the intended result of your souls now existing as one bigger soul split evenly between the both of you with 100% of each soul still fairly in tact (as opposed to the more likely options, loosing parts of yourself or parts of them, destroying both of your souls entirely, etc. Especially if you’re the only one in the pair that can use soul magics, if something goes horribly wrong during the process with YOUR soul, you could easily trap them in a situation they don’t have the skill to get out of, so now they’re like traumatized that you destroyed yourself trying to save them and on top of that, stuck in some shitty half fractured soul void state and unable to do anything to help themselves since you’re the only one that can do that type of magic and now you’re gone or so faint/broken that you can’t perform the task anymore, etc.) . 

Additionally idk how like, good that would be in the first place, most situations where two separate souls live in one body are cases where things have gone badly, situations that nobody would actively choose, since there becomes a lot of control issues in terms of being able to effectively pilot the body with two sets of impulses and moods and experiences happening at once, being able to use magic while technically two people of different levels are existing, even stuff like being able to think with two consciousnesses occurring simultaneously, etc. Two souls combined into one don’t take turns in a body, especially if partially merged, they’re effectively in a weird state of counting as one singular Main soul yet maintaining separate aspects, so it’s basically just a constant “one arm wants to do this and the other wants to do this” type situation, it’s not like one person can take charge and control it or you guys switch out, it’s more of a constant, everything at once always all at the same time.. which predictably, people are not very fond of. 

Even if they’re like, the love of your life or something, it would be incredibly difficult to co-pilot a body together. For the few freak cases where this has actually happened to people, usually even simple things are hard, like just feeding yourself or walking or doing anything really.  I guess theoretically you could train yourselves to be so incredibly in sync that your impulses and thoughts and etc. are no longer as conflicting and you can operate mostly okay (maybe like how some conjoined twins are that share a body or etc.), but it would take a very very long time to get used to since you weren’t born that way and had previously existed separately, and additionally would likely still be dealing with the leftover health effects or consequences of that type of magic so.. idk?? It’s an option, but I’m not sure how satisfying it would be… especially if you ever fell out of love or started to dislike the person and then it’s just like.. lol well.. now you’re trapped in the same body?? so, whoops

Additionally, over time there is a natural tendency to merge anyway, even in the case of a big ‘’Soul Magic Gone Wrong horribly fractured  5 people trapped together at once into one big Main Soul most all of them being in an incomplete state’’ sort of thing, it would still gradually lean towards everyone else fading into whichever the strongest or most present soul is. Like if they’re all broken partial souls but one person has retained 75% of their soul and there are no big power level disparities that would tilt the balance otherwise,, that may be the main soul others integrate into. So even if you could manage piloting one body for a while, you’d still gradually merge into one another, inevitably loosing the unique consciousness of one of you (or in the rare case you’re fairly equal then perhaps you’d just combine into something like a new unique person that is a strong combination of both), it would just be over the course of  years, as opposed to all at once in a matter of a few days like in actual soul absorption. Maybe if you were really really skilled at soul magics and handling souls you could do things to delay this or etc., but any case where multiple presences are in one body at once will always lean towards complete absorption of some sort, it seems to just be a natural law of this sort of magic for whatever reason. 

And probably by a few years you would have long decided that two people living in the same body, despite loving each other or whatever, is extremely difficult and you’ve got to find someone with the skill to separate the both of you back into unique souls again,,, Which again would just lead back to ‘why did you even initiate absorbing them in the first place if you could have kept their soul separate and found another way to keep it alive, which would have saved you the trouble of merging and separating first’ .

But again, I could see it maybe being done impulsively, or in the rare case that someone somehow has high skill in soul magic yet is ignorant of all the effects or things you can do with it (perhaps someone using borrowed powers, or who is pretty reckless and doesn’t read up on their craft as well as they should since they think they can skate by with raw skill alone, etc. etc.), so when their loved one dies they panic and capture the soul and think “oh, I don’t have a safe place to store them until I find them a new body, I guess I can just put them in my own for now!!”,,  totally unaware that the second they do this they’re going to begin to irreversibly eat away the essence of their loved one.. that would probably add a whole extra layer of trauma to the usual awfulness of the soul absorption process lol.. Well I Was Trying To Just Do One Simple Thing  I Foolishly Thought Would Quickly Save Someone But Now I’m Crouched On The Floor In Pain Throwing Up Blood And Slowly Consuming Their Entire Soul Into Myself,, So Yes, My Day Is Just Fabulous Thanks For Asking. 

Like imagine seeing your loved one die, rushing into the situation to extract their soul to save them before they fade from their body,  thinking you’ll just store them inside of you for safe keeping until you’re out of a dangerous situation, only to a few minutes later collapse in extreme physical pain and start hearing them speaking from inside your own mind about how they feel weak and like they’re fading away, eventually after a few hours your just laying there hiding in a bush you dragged yourself to or something in so much pain you can’t move, and you can’t even hear their consciousness anymore, you know you did something wrong but your not sure what, but you think you killed them, or something like that.. but hey! you feel a little bit stronger! Almost like you’ve absorbed energy from an outside source or something! Hmm! That would be A Lot Of Bullshit to go through in a just a day or twolol.. this is why you read up extensively on magic before using it, especially not knowing what you’re doing when it comes to such extreme magics like soul magic is just, very very dangerous and potentially tragic.

Though if you don’t know what you’re doing, you may be more likely to die than actually absorb the soul, since like I think is mentioned in the broader magic post, you can’t really perform an action you don’t have the energy to do, and soul absorption is a sustained channel of energy over the course of usually a days - weeks.. I would assume if someone did that accidentally, they may not have planned to exert that much magic ahead of time, so instead of involuntarily absorbing the loved one fully they could always just, both die during the process due to the one entirely depleting their magical energy and then some.. which if the idea is that the person doing it is inexperienced already, I think would be the most likely way for it to end up lol.

 People accidentally kill themselves ALL THE TIME due to not having the experience to predict when a feat of magic would be too much for them to try, or using it incorrectly , or etc. etc. There are too many non-magic species for it to be like, the number one cause of death in the realm but, definitely among the magic capable portion of the population, various complications involving self-inflicted/accidental/unforeseen consequence related/etc. magical injuries would be the number one reason people die lol. Out of the population of magic capable species all together as a whole, probably around a good 50% die by magical means, mostly through accidents. If you don’t even know enough about soul magic to know that when you try to put a soul inside yourself you’ll likely start to absorb it (unless it’s done in a special way like in the case of temporary possessions or etc.), then you probably don’t know enough to pull it off in general, and rather than the despair of accidentally killing someone you thought you saved, it’d be more likely you’d just like, drop dead from not being equipped to handle the spell you just unknowingly set in motion. 

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As for sacrifice, you couldn’t always sacrifice yourself necessarily, since it’s essentially ‘the strongest soul is the one that merges with the Main Soul’ (which is usually hard to calculate due to how vague of a concept all this ‘soul’ stuff is anyway, but can be decently estimated.. sometimes).  So if you’re like, a jhevona (humanoid demon) skilled in soul magics and they’re a fairly unskilled average elf or something. They die, and you decide you’re going to sacrifice yourself, by putting their soul in your body so they can have it instead, no matter what you WANTED to happen (their soul piloting your body instead of you), you would inevitably just absorb them into your own soul because your life force is the stronger one. However,  if your soul is the weaker one then you probably could, since even if you initiated the soul absorption process it’s likely (even if they didn’t want this to happen), your weaker soul would end up being the one absorbed. Though I would wonder a lot about the trauma of putting them through that lol, they died and came back to life just to know that they only have a few days of dialogue with you before you fade away and merge with their main soul permanently, and then they resume life living literally in YOUR BODY, piloting theform of their dead loved one that they’ve just consumed into themselves, unable to escape reminders of the fact that you’re gone, unless they shape shift or find another body, which if they’re not skilled in soul magic and would be unable to do that, then you’ve kind of trapped them. 

They’d probably at the least be annoyed with you after the fact that you initiated the soul absorption process on them, knowing that they’re going to be the one ending up absorbing you, in the two or so days that you’d still exist enough to chat with them you’d probably get a lot of lectures after their initial shock and acceptance of what’s inevitably going to happen. If they were skilled in soul magics they could probably reverse what you did in the first few minutes before it could take effect (maybe you could fight back and forth for a while lmao, one initiating the soul absorption process and the other immediately stopping it, which would be Comedy TV Show Funney Hee Hee Ha Ha until one of your souls breaks into pieces or one of you just drops dead), however if they couldn’t do soul magic they’d just kind of have to.. chill.. nothing to do but wait around until they absorb you into themselves kind of against their will.

 You could possibly give your body to someone to use in a much easier way if there was a third person involved, though it wouldn’t really utilize soul absorption. You could kill yourself right after your loved one dies and have the third person take the soul of your loved one and put them in your body, so they would have a living form (since after you die you wouldn’t be able to transfer them yourself). Though this would really only make sense if, in this case, there are no applicable bodies/forms around anywhere close enough to get to, and your loved one’s body has been entirely destroyed by whatever killed them, thus in the group of the three of you, there are three accessible souls, yet only two currently utilizable bodies, yours and this third person. So you let your soul fade away, and then your loved one’s soul gets to keep your body.   But again I feel like it’d be very situational.. 

The biggest barrier for people not being able to do stuff like this is just, the fact that soul magics on this level are very rare and extremely difficult and risky to pull off, but it’s kind of like, once you’re someone who’s already high level in soul magics, your possible solutions to the situation would expand to the point that you wouldn’t need to do stuff like this? Unless it was a deliberate choice or mistake on your part. But kind of like, with the above, you wouldn’t HAVE to kill yourself to give them your body, if you had the skill you could maintain them trapped in an animal or even an inanimate object or something until you find them another body. And if their body is still fine, you could just use healing magic to heal their body, then place them back into their own body. Though I guess maybe if you were fairly low skill, and their body had been entirely destroyed beyond repair, but you would still need a third person to do the transfer after your body has died, so either that person would probably be skilled enough to help you find another solution, or like… not to be morbid but uh,, you could kill them and put your loved one in their body lol,, instead of just having them help you kill yourself and etc… If I was the third person in the above situation (especially if I was just some random dude that wasn’t really important to the other two people) and the High Level Soul Mage started to look at me right after their loved one just died I would probably… run away as fast as possible or get prepared in a fighting stance…. you know they’re about to kill you and take your body as a vessel to save the other person lmao

But! maybe in the case where YOU don’t know soul magics but your loved one does, and their body is completely destroyed, if they were still existing outside of a body temporarily but there weren’t any possible options around for them to hop into, knowing that if they’re out of an acceptable vessel for too long they’d entirely fade away, you could offer to expel your soul from your own body so they can then take your form and live on. But also I guess if they know soul magics they’d probably try to find a way to save you after the fact, either decline the gift of your body entirely or accept it and take your form but then capture your soul as it leaves and like.. seal it into a rock or something to carry it around with them while they desperately run around trying to find some living thing to murder so they can place you into a more applicable form before they’re no longer able to sustain you within the rock lol.   If they found you a body maybe they could eventually switch you both back (instead of them just piloting your body from now on and you having to be some random graveyard body). That’s probably the most plausible situation for sacrifice, where the person doing the sacrificing is the one who DOESN’T have the soul magic skill and is merely offering themselves as a vessel for someone who does,  etc etc etc,  but there are endless hypothetical scenarios, all of which are complicated and dangerous lol

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As for the cult thing, yeah there are already a decent handful of cults that are basically just schemes for people to gather souls, idk if you read much about the Avirre’thel species (basically vampires) when I post about them, but that’s why people are always suspicious when things like the situation with the Avan and their ‘’god’’ happen (basically one of the groups of the Avirre’thel like, secluded themselves in caves and devotes all their time to the worship of a certain ancient demon named Yvteii). Since even in vampiric culture, where it’s extremely acceptable to make deals with jhevona (demons) and is one of the few cultures in Nanyevimi that doesn’t view them as some frightening other and actually adapts them fully into their society, even they are still suspicious when it comes to ancient demons, especially ancient demons having relationships with or followings among other less all powerful living beings..

 People who have the ability to do so and the moral compass to allow it will do anything to get souls, since it’s such an easy way to access more power and grow your strength, and with how scattered and isolated the supernatural realm can be sometimes, it’s uncomfortably simple for someone, especially who’s an advanced magic user, to like, show up in a random group of isolated people living in a forest and help them and perform a few ‘’miracles’’ (just regular high level magic, but maybe a type these people haven’t seen before, are too isolated to know of, etc.) for them, convince them to basically take you on as kind of a cultish religion leader and regularly reap souls from them. There have been many religious figures and etc. in the past that were just high level mages or ancient demons putting on a few fancy shows of magic for an otherwise magically ignorant group of isolated people, so they can basically just trick the people into believing in them and then make up some excuse for the people to give them soul pieces, or sacrifice whole souls, etc. 

Kind of like in those weird like, resource management type games where you can upgrade certain resources to gradually accumulate in the background whilst you do other stuff, some ancient jhevona or other beings will have like, 10 or 20 various cults lined up scattered in different places all across the realm who are regularly sacrificing to them or making deals with them and etc., giving them a steady income of power growth, new souls coming in monthly or weekly or whatever. Though, this usually gets old pretty quick since really the only groups you can trick into stuff like this are non-magical groups (since anyone in a culture that regularly practices magic would at the very least know to not give part of your soul to people or etc. and would be suspicious of any outside being coming and asking for sacrifices, even if they tried to be tricky and didn’t outright say “give me some of your soul”, and would also not be able to be wooed by Fancy Magic Tricks and Seeming Miracles, since they’d just be like “uhhh, that’s just normal magic” lol), and non magic groups typically have much weaker souls and shorter lifespans, which means inevitably your cult would die out and you’d have to go start a new one every few hundred years or so probably, and even then, it’s a lot of work for mostly weak souls that don’t amount to much gain when you’re already an immortal nearly all-powerful being lol. 

Soul harvesting cults are usually seen as like, a Baby Beginner Ancient Powerful Being sort of activity, since once you’ve been alive for like 15,000+ years you’re going to get tired of keeping up with all of them. It’s similar to how many ancient demons in their earlier years when they were just starting to get super powerful would do stuff like, shapeshift and become world leaders or etc. (the whole ‘all of these important historical figures are actually the same person!’ conspiracy except like.. actually true and done with magic lol), but then eventually you just get funcking tired of changing your entire identity every few hundred years and going through the same boring political exchanges to become royalty or lead an army or something when people seemingly never change and you’re just pulling the same nonsense but with a different face, etc. The cults and recognition that most powerful beings have are usually not ones they want or recognize, since once you’ve been that way for so long you usually just seclude yourself in a mountain somewhere.*(1) Because you’re basically the closest thing to an all powerful god being, no matter how much you try to hide, people will always attempt to find you and hunt you down and summon you to ask you for favors or powers or etc, and may even start a cult around you or consider you a god or etc, but usually at that point you want nothing to do with it. Voluntary cults are usually something powerful beings like ancient jhevona and etc. will grow out of pretty fast lol. 

So yeah, cults usually get old after a while, since if you have the power to start stuff like that in the first place, you probably have much better things to be doing than tricking random small villages into thinking you’re a god just so you can get a soul every few weeks or so. Many powerful beings would rather go for fewer more powerful souls, than larger amount of weaker ones (killing a few high level mages and absorbing their souls could be equivalent to a years worth of soul sacrifices from a tiny human farming village), have another better way of growing power, or are at the point where they don’t even feel they need to grow power anymore at all since it makes little difference. 

 BUT ANYWAY..  

In a way more similar to what is mentioned above, yeah I could also see it being a thing where you maybe use your ‘’close’’ (in “” since if one side isn’t being authentic then is it really ‘’close’’??)  relationships with people to trick them into willingly letting you have their soul after death, then secretly setting up situations that will kill them, and ‘’’consensually’’’ attaining their soul.  You could probably garner some sort of cult following using love and affection to manipulate people into giving souls to you, which I guess to me seems like too much effort like.. just be a plain ass serial killer then, what is the point in emotionally manipulating people ahead of time if you’re going to murder them anyway lol, but I guess some (incredibly shitty) personality types could get an extra kick out of that, or maybe the small strings of morality they have left in them require them to get ‘’consent’’ of some form first, even if under the context it’s not true consent and doesn’t matter, it could still help them rationalize their actions to themselves or something.

 But yeah.. soul cult stuff is rare simply due to the inaccessibility and rarity of soul magic in the first place, but as you can imagine, cults and other gimmicks to attain souls  can be pretty trendy among the tiny group of people who can actually gather them for absorption (at least for a while, until they get over that phase in their life lol). I could see a recently dead ‘’loved one’’ culty soul scheme being a thing. 

Hmm, but yeah lol, good questions! There are a lot of different ways things like that can go, and you always have time limits and ability limitations and amount of magic you can expend and the general risk and instability of magic (especially higher level magics) working hard against you, so I feel like many people would not try things like this in the first place, either due to their knowledge of a better solution, or just due to the risk (like maybe they’d rather their loved one just rest in peace rather than taking the huge risk of damaging the persons soul or condemning them to extra suffering and trauma or etc. due to unpredictable magic), but there are certainly scenarios where it may be applicable, or done as a matter of personal choice (especially in unhealthily dependent and abusive relationships, choosing to absorb the other person despite there being other ways to manage their soul after death may be plausible, definitely if you’ve just ‘’accidentally’’  killed them and can delude yourself into thinking it’s somehow noble or meaningful to keep them as a part of yourself or something gross shitty like that,, or just two well meaning but confused people who don’t know enough to understand there’s better options both agreeing to let one absorb the other since they think there’s not a better way, or perhaps misunderstand what actually happens (maybe they falsely believe you can keep someone around forever by absorbing them,etc)) , or out of desperation/lack of knowledge/lack of skill/emotional impulse/etc. Same with the sacrifice thing, though there may be better ways to go about it, if the person has the skill and is willing to take the risks, there are definitely situations where things could play out that way for whatever reason. Both are plausible applications of magic which I hadn’t considered until now!! 

 - 

 [ side note 1: I put this down here since it wasn’t really as related to the rest of the text and didn’t fit in between those paragraphs  lol

The typical (very broadly generalized/simplified ) life cycle for an ancient demon (which is basically just a term for an extremely world alteringly powerful being, they don’t actually have to be demons/jhevona, it’s more of just a title at this point than a true descriptor)  is usually like:

start off as totally regular person who trains extensively and studies magic  

>>>

either work your way up normally with an enchanting business or do shady shit like killing people and absorbing their souls in order to grow your power and exceed your natural magical limitations (though you’ve got to have a very driven or otherwise power hungry personality to be motivated to do this in the first place, to go literally like 10,000+ years gaining your power without ever stopping or changing your goals (or dying in magical accidents).. like it usually takes 10,000 - 15,000 years to get powerful enough to even be close to being considered an “ancient demon” so like.. you’ve got to really be a purpose driven person) 

>>> 

wow now you’re strong enough to start cults and tamper in world affairs and etc! lose your moral compass for about 100 - 500 years while you go through your baby power trip phase and abuse your abilities 

>>>

 become disillusioned with life because you feel like you’ve seen everything before and done everything and have no challenges left to conquer and kill yourself with magic OR turn away from the world and focus on a new challenge (you’re also probably at the point now where, whether you welcome this or not, people are trying to hunt you down to ask for favors and power, and some see you as a god (or a threat), so you have to hide from them now)  

>>>

 find a hiding spot to just bunker down in , create your own realm or something, and live your your days entirely detached from reality and the rest of humanity focusing on whatever your new goal or interest is (you’re also probably powerful enough at this point to need to abandon your physical form, or constantly shapeshift, so you don’t have to keep up healing magic from your body destroying itself from the inside out daily because your energy is too powerful to be kept in an organic form)

>> >

idk just do this until you get bored, either find something else to do or just die by your own magic whenever you feel you’ve accomplished enough

This is usually why the exact personality profile of pretty much every ancient demon alive right now is like, “weird isolated nerd hiding in an ancient cave somewhere wholly and completely focused on some obscure task like unraveling the true nature of magic” or etc. Most any other type of person burns out after a while and just chooses to die (people who were only in it for power or glory with no higher motivation, people who were fools and died using their powers irresponsibly, people who got too involved with the world and it ended up being their demise,people who found it too hard and quit growing their power, etc.), it’s really just the very focused scientist types who have the motivation and reason to keep going, since you never run out of new material to study and things to be interested in if you’re the type of person who really wants to understand the nature of the entire world and is easily interested in everything etc. 

Of course this doesn’t mean many of them aren’t also like, completely weird as hell, or extreme power hungry narcissistic freaks who revel in their power over others and etc lmao.. You don’t live like..25,000+ years without developing a bit of an… “interesting” personalty. All of the 40 or so ancient jhevona currently known to exist are like.. absolutely ridiculous people in some way or another lol (at least in the few interactions they’ve had with the outside world, some are way more hidden than others, but none of them show themselves very often enough for anyone to know what their personality is truly like, but even based on one or two occurrences, it’s enough for people to be like “What the hell is like.. wrong with this person.. have they been living alone in a cave for 8,000 years or something?” (Yes, Actually.. They Have)). But just that at their CORE, regardless of what other traits they have, pretty much all of them have some element of 'extremely curious and highly motivated hermit scientist’ type in their personality. You don’t live 28,000+ years driven by a very shallow or single purpose, it usually tends to be people who have a lot of questions they want to answer or a lot of things they want to do (usually creating or discovering something, things that can be ongoing rather than one time goals), since that can be something you keep up for many many lifetimes without loosing motivation or becoming bored/disinterested. 

The act of being an ancient jhevona tends to favor the curious problem-solving scholar types, as even after thousands of years they can still find new issues to tackle, new interests to explore, new theories and challenges to unravel, etc. Even if their other traits vary wildly and many of them are legit like… downright insufferable on a level that only an ancient nearly all-powerful immortal being could be, they AT LEAST usually all have that trait in common. 

But anyway, so yeah like.. usually after a while they just dedicate themselves to some problem or area of study or something and hole away in a cave or other isolated place to experiment and think about things in peace, far away from the rest of the outside world. Though starting cults can be initially promising for them, pretty much any ancient jehvona who’s been around more than 16,000 years has passed that point in their life and is already in the 'Okay I’ll Just Be A Nerd Hermit Then I Guess’ phase where they become increasingly more obscure and detached enough that they couldn’t be bothered to maintain a cult presence or etc. ] 

BUT entirely off topic rambling about demons aside, thanks for the question!!

[kitto-toberu-sa]

Digimon Stage Play - Part One

Sorry, my friend introduced me to Tiger and Bunny, which is why this was delayed ;;; This is everything up until curtain for half time, rest will be up within the next 12 hours, sorry!!! Aight, so tl;dr: great show, actors are perfect, Yamato is beautiful beyond belief, Mimi is UGHHHHHH in the good way and I’m bitter that the whole show isn’t sold out and whoever was in charge of promotion should be forced to eat nothing but the hottest of hot chillies for the rest of their life.

Venue/Goods: a little out of the way, small. You couldn’t buy goods unless you had a ticket, which sucks. Goods were sold on the inside, line was small pre-play, massive after. My store clerk couldn’t count to save her life. People were trading, everybody hated that everything was random and there were so many types of things. Friend and I ordered dvd – no blu ray option, it’s being released in December. Had to downpay 2000 yen, which this and dvd only option has never happened before when I’ve seen other stage shows – not a good sign. No postal option, so my friend has to pick mine up for me – poor form again. (Pick up is only at animate – my nearest one is 2+ hours away :/)

Promotion/sold out: four shows sold out. Tickets reduced to 7000 yen, which is insulting for us who went through lottery. They advertised low prices at fes too. Promotion was done badly. Digimon isn’t massively popular, but Toei isn’t small either. Get a cast twitter, post rehearsal pics etc. Promotion doesn’t need to be costly. Fes advertisement (last weeks vid) was too little too late. Theres events with Miyazaki and AiM and seiyuus, which also seems last minute and an attempt to sell out. Again insulting to those of us to preordered. Shonichi didn’t sell out. Must be tough on actors. Promotion video (August 5th? 6th?) is kinda bad quality – the stage itself looks and sounds better than the video may lead you to believe.

Seating: nice, comfy. We were second row, left hand side, aisle. If we had been one or two more to the left it would have been really bad (same if you’re too overly right). The cast faces back/sideways too often, so we saw a lot of backs. Need to work on being diagonal, basic stage stuff there. However, pros of our seating were: Yamato being right in front of us when he sang, Jyou fishing in front of us and making eye contact with Etemon to the point where it was creepy lmao

Play Y’all. Y’ALL. THIS IS THE GOOD SHIT. A+ A+ A+ A+!!!!!! Agumon is twitchy in the start, scene is a little long. He’s basically like ‘my body can’t move/is moving on it’s own???? Wat? Why???’ (both happen, not a bad translation on my part). He wakes up and Gabumon’s like ‘yeah me too’ and some of the other Digimon agree but Palmon’s like ‘yeah same but it’s because I’m not a morning person lmao’.

They all go to where the kids are. So this is set sometime after Koushirou makes the cyber space for them. Mimi and Koushirou talk about camping and Mimi ends up throwing his laptop on the FLOOR. Koushirou looks heartbroken and the entire audience was ?!?!? but sasuga Mimi and Koushirou’s like … well, moving on. Mimi is perfect beyond belief. Right voice, face, mannerisms. I know that’s what acting is, but she NAILED IT. She’s all like ‘camping is about feeling the breeze~’ then acts like she has wind her face, ‘about being hot’ (ahhhh, it’s hoooooot, she says), about monsters! (she says as she stalks towards the Digimon). We then get the scene where Sora talks about the importance of August 1st. While she speaks, on the left and right sides we see actual scenes from the original anime, which is really touching. Sora mentions that although there were good times, there were bad ones too (CUE GIF OF LEOMON DYING BECAUSE THEY HAD TO HAVE IT SOMEWHERE) All the mons wanna go camping which obviously, is cool.

Hikari invites Taichi and they talk. Jyou calls Hikari but Taichi answers and Jyou doesn’t realise. ‘Damn that Taichi, he isn’t coming? Leave it to me!’ Eventually Taichi is like ‘it me moron’ and Jyou convinces him to come after Taichi’s like ‘I BET UR NOT COMING’ because Jyou, as always, has exams. Jyou is a smart ass? He’s like ‘Taichi, next year, you’ll be in my position. And if it’s you… well… you’ll be in trouble.’ SUCH A GOOD SCENE JYOU IS MVP IN THIS PLAY Y’ALL. He gets his creep on here and it’s so funny.

Next is Knife of Day. Yamato sung and you could tell he was nervous but he did really well. Yamato talks technical stuff (music wise) and then he high fives and fist bumps one of the band mates?? CUTIE PATOOTIE ALERT!!!! Honestly, he’s so pure and beautiful? One of the band mates tried to go ‘Knife of Day is… well, the name isn’t…’ ‘HAVE CONFIDENCE IT’S ALL GOOD FRIEND!!!!’ ‘Yamato that’s not what-‘ ‘WITH THESE MEMBERS WE’RE KNIFE OF DAY! WE’RE GOOD!!!’ ‘but the name-‘ ‘THESE FOUR MEMBERS. KNIFE OF DAY. HAVE CONFIDENCE!!!!’ Takeru comes along and talks about camp. Yamato is very cute toward Takeru who is worried a little about him. Very sweet scenes. Yamato explains both the band and August 1st are important to him. Later, Takeru buys Yamato a pink sleeping bag because he’s a shit head lmao

Everyone’s at camp, Mimi forgets everything. She’s adorable. People set up camp, which is cute. Yamato runs the kitchen and Hikari is chased by Agumon because she has meat. Etemon is the camp ground guardian? (What do you call these guys??) He takes their money (OF COURSE) and keeps going ‘there are MONKEYS around here!’ and everyone’s like k cool story. Eventually he’s like YOU WANNA SEE A MONKEY?!? But everyone’s like nah bro we good, so he runs off dejected.

The kids talk about the future. Mimi just wants to be a kid forever, but Palmon says she wants to be an adult lol. Koushirou isn’t sure what he wants to do, but says he likes computers. Jyou really talks about why he wants to be a doctor and it’s such a good speech! Yamato and Taichi are both like ‘well, I like my hobby I guess??’ Sora deflects the question, Hikari doesn’t know.

Yamato and Taichi try to converse later (it’s just the two of them because Koushirou said something to ruin the mood so Takeru dragged him away even though he was like ‘I’ll stay awake as long as you’re up bro’). It’s mostly Hey Yamato Yeah? …. … . … Yeah?! …Nothing -silence- We have a lot to talk about, huh Yamato? -plays harmonica-

dumb morons lmao

Mimi: Sora, you awake? …SORA Hikari: aye what up Mimi: GHOST STORY TIME Hikari: starts telling an old experience Mimi: NO TOO SPOOKY STOP STOP LET’S TALK ABOUT LOVE!!!!!

She tries to get info out of Hikari who tries to get info out of her back. They both start going ‘what about Sora’ who stays asleep but Mimi is about to ‘reveal’ who Sora likes when she shoots up and is all like I DON’T LIKE ANYONE!!! They’re all lying down in sleeping bags, so Hikari and Mimi were jumping around in their sleeping bags and Mimi does the CUTEST wiggle!!!

They talk about their dreams and Mimi is like ‘I like lotsa stuff??’ but she thinks it’s stupid and is kinda embarrassed but they’re like?? No? it’s cool to have multiple interests and dreams? WHICH IS A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE

Jyou leaves early for his exam the next morning. Shit goes down and people split up to solve the problem. Etemon ends up revealing himself to Taichi and co. He’s super strong and is basically like “it’s been six years your time BUT I’VE BEEN SUPER SUPER LONELY FOR 100 YEARS I JUST WANNA CHILL”

There’s a gate so everyone (bar Jyou) is stuck at camp. Etemon forces Tai, Hikari, Sora and Mimi to bbq with him. AND THE ETEMON FIVE. YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT – ETEMON HAS FOUR COLOURED MONKEY BOY BAND FRIENDS. THEY SING AND EAT AND PLAY TOGETHER. THEY’RE THE ETEMON FIVE, COMING TO A TOWN NEAR YOU!!!

Anyway, there’s a fight and Etemon wins and gets the above group together and the bbq happens. Etemon is super happy to see Hikari (“oniichan!” “eh? You’re the only dude… YOUR SISTER?! HOW ADORABLE!!!”) and she’s like ‘stop fighting’ and he’s like ‘girl? That’s all I want???’ but later they eat all the food and Etemon whips out yakisoba and offers some to Hikari.

“No. I don’t want it?” –awkward silence- Etemon 1: Eh? Why? Etemon 2: -idk- Etemon 3: Don’t push her! Etemon 4: Is it… you’re dieting? If that’s it… I totally understand…

Hikari is done with their shit. She wants to go home. Mimi wants a bath. Sora’s done with this bullshit. They realise time has gone whack. Tai and Sora have a tiff, Mimi makes Sora back down when she tries to comfort him so Hikari can do it instead. Time is whack so they’ve been there forever, Etemon is like I SAID I WAS LONELY YOU CAN’T LEAVE EVER!!! He then tries to make Taichi be his bestie.

By forcing him into a kiss.

Curtain close.

(Honestly it was the funniest thing – it was a non-sexual kiss, but y’all, consent is consent. I mean, you probably shouldn’t take dating advice from a man in a monkey suit who low key resembles Piko Taro, but like. This is a weird site, Idk where some of you learnt to romance. I feel I need to say that.)

[jackymedan]

9, 20, 28

9. What are the best things about your current fandom? I’m currently most active in two fandoms (due south and mfu) and they’re both amazing in their own way tbh..

both of them have A++ super nice and cool people (also there’s a surprisingly big overlap of people who are into both? at least bigger than I would have expected) and many people I consider friends

what I like most about the due south fandom specifically is how there are still active events like due south seekrit santa and the big bang being held every year by devoted fans and I like all our weird tumblr memes like the not saying anything game and bears looking at lenin etc :’).. and I like how we all stick up for each other whenever our (not so friendly) fandom ghost ds anon pops up in someone’s inbox again.. I just.. I love everyone in this bar so much

what I like most about the mfu fandom is that we all collectively (or at least a lot of us)seem to agree that illya is a cat and napoleon is a fox :’) and that there’s so many awesome gifmakers and people actively sharing rare (or less rare but not any less awesome or appeciated) promo/behind the scenes pics or screencaps.. I love how thirsty we all are for any tiny glimpse of skin we can find.. there’s many things I love that I’m probably forgetting to mention but I just.. I love both fandoms so so much and I’m so glad I know all of you lovely people

(also before I forget: shout-out to all the amazing fanfic writers/fanartists/fanvidders/podficcers/etc. in BOTH fandoms who are still going strong and producing AMAZING content for everyone to enjoy and ALSO shout-out to everyone leaving lovely comments/tags/kudos etc. on those fanworks, without you guys we’d all be shouting into the void, you’re all important too

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking? uhm... idk I read some random fics about RayK/Turnbull a few years back, idek what prompted me to look for that but.. it was interesting (I’d never actually ship that romantically btw, I could never ship RayK being in an actual relationship with anyone other than Fraser, but... they were interesting one-offs happening before any F/K happened) that was surprising.. also I’m usually not much into ot3s but I do kind of like the idea of mcspirk (with spock in the middle because I ship kirk/spock and spock/mccoy seperately too to a certain extent -the first one being my main ship- but I tend to see kirk/mccoy as mostly strong friendship.. but I’m weirdly into spock sandwiched between them idk...) other than that most of my ships are pretty... expected I think.. most of my ships are also the fandom’s most popular ships, I’m lucky like that..

28. If someone were to write a fanfic for your fanart, which piece of fanart would it be and what would the picture be of the story/plot be about? WELL, as you know you yourself have already written something based on/inspired by (a) piece(s) of my art three (3!) times :))) once for the big bang with the bb!ray and bb!fraser, once for a silly drawing I did of them both wearing silly underwear and another time based on that post-motb prompt I made once.. so those already did get A+ fics

there’s also a couple of other drawings I’ve made attempts at writing something for myself but they’re all still unpublished wips and I’m really a lot better at drawing than I am at writing.. as for another drawing I’d love someone to write a fic for.... I think the merman RayK series I did would be really cool? it’s technically already based on a super short tag ficlet I wrote myself, but it would be cool if someone were to write an actual fic about merman rayk and mountie prince fraser

as for mfu I wouldn’t mind at all if someone felt inspired to write a fic about illya being a poledancer :))))) not at all

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 83, 84

Didnt post for awhile cause I needed to get some thoughts straight in my head. Idk if i could get them totally straight and i dont even know whether i will ever be able to get them to but its okay i think. I mean it just comes with the baggage of life and inshaAllah I will deal with it along the way whenever it is in action. 

So theres been many thoughts coming in my head but then all of it can be connected and related to each other so its just more like one big massive ball of thoughts. I will try to mention whatever comes in my head for now. But hmppphhhh where do i start *wonders* 

Okay so i have 2 start points, ill pick the one which is currently still a thought cause the other one is kind of resolved :3 

So this is about this conversation i had with him a year ago, exactly around this time last year. I will not talk about our conversation on the internet :3 but just what it was about so that I can get to what it is in my head 

Well we werent really going through a good phase back then and once he told me something about ‘love’ & ‘duty’. Like there are things you do out of love, and there are things which are ‘duty’ but you do not love doing them but have to anyways. 

The thing is, it is kind of hard for me to understand the relation between ‘love & duty’. To be honest, i did get what he meant back then, and things were different back then (meaning, we were going out) & if not so much, but you could put what he said into context at least a little. 

But now, I just dont understand the connection, nor can i appreciate the difference between these two terms. When i say i dont understand the connection - i mean to say i dont understand it, but i believe they are more related and similar than they are different. 

When you love someone, and they mean the world to you, and you put them before yourself. You can do anything for them, to protect them, to make sure they are ok. Their happiness matters to you so much. It is so important for you - because you love them unconditionally. and also because when they are not happy, you are not happy either. So you want the best of the best for them, for their happiness,

 “and in turn - for yourself too” 

“and in turn - for yourself too” ---> this is why I dont understand this difference. You see when you love someone and you want all of that, you always wish you could do something for them. and you actually do everything “possible for you to do” for them. And when you cant, it kills you and you ‘wish’ theres something you couldve done. Now all these wishes, all these wanting to do something, all these prayers, all these urge, these pain - these are just a package. They come along when you fall in love. And they are there. 

Now in other words ^ I think i can simply say - “you feel like its your duty to take care of them, to do whatever you can for them” 

Now what is “duty”? Idk what it means front he dictionary point of view, but for me it responsibility - and responsibilities/ duties - i think i can come up with 2 types right now - one that is enforced upon you (you dont like doing, maybe) BUT then there is another one - One that you enforce upon Your. Own. Self. because of your affection for someone/ something. Now i really want to point out that there is no “pressure” here in the second one. You are doing it to yourself, technically you can snap out of it but you actually can not. YOU wont let yourself do that. YOU will bound yourself to care, to love, to worry, to act out - you believe its your responsibility.

AND there is nothing bad in it. In fact i think it is amazing! 

Why i am pointing this out is that  - this is the only way i seem to appreciate the connection between ‘love and duty’/ love vs responsibilities - I think they are are the same. atleast for ME, they are the same. So i have been trying to look deeply into it, and find out something that ive been missing out to appreciate the difference but every single attempt to do so leads me to this same concept which i just mentioned. and it is more like something being solved even before i sat down to figure it out. it all seems so simple. 

now how this plays in my daily life right now is how i always wish i could do something for him. now idk much about him obviously cause we dont communicate. but still wondering if he is okay - and worrying about him, and thinking of him - i dont need to make myself do that cause its there by default - and on top of that this tiny feeling of guilt engraved at the bottom of my heart because im aware that there is only so little or lets say nothing much at all i can do ----- that, i believe is the duty/ responsibility i was talking about. something i brought onto myself and i dont mind it at all. but this is the very same reason why i dont get the difference between love and duty at all. i dont think you have to give someone your word in order to have a responsibility towards them. I believe if you love someone, you automatically feel like its your duty to take care of them. 

At least thats how it is for me! 

so yeah, theres that. i always feel this way. everyday. I really pray that day comes soon where i can do way more than just sit and worry about him, inshaAllah

Now thats that! like i said all the thoughts are related. So now ill move onto the “fear”. Now about the fear. well 

misunderstanding and misinterpretations

misunderstanding and misinterpretations - these are always there. always. even when people ‘communicate’ they indeed fail to communicate well. Now just imagine how ‘cool’ it gets when you dont communicate - not so cool 

I mean it scares me - is something giving the wrong? anything i do, or anything i say - is it something he’d like? does it seem not right? i mean i have no intentions of hurting him or doing anything negative but it is only human nature to make assumptions - or to misinterpret something - or to misunderstand - and it is not anyones fault - because although there may be a million reasons why one could get a wrong message - one of the main ones are fear once again or being worried, or caring. 

So yeah, theres always this fear at the back of my head, trying not to be irrational. and when things are bugging me, trying to shut up, stay shuttttttt instead of acting out. because, this moment will pass, but something i express just out of current volatile mood could get to him and do i ever want that? nooo

^ so that is one of the reasons why i dont always blog. and also the same reason for this weekend drama! 

Okay so this is the other stuff i could start my post with. this is fun loll. so i still am not sure whats up but this is my solved case lol - as in what i figured out myself and think is actually what happened. so i woke up on friday and i saw one of his tweets. it seemed to me like it was the time when someone last checked into some social media. UH WELL. and yeah thats it :) that is what got in to my head. a lot of things at once actually. i guess ill just point a few -

1- someone lucky enough to get that much attention from him that hed tweet something like that. i mean its definitely not me, cause all i could think of was whatsapp and well i have the time thingy hidden there AND ALSO, honestly i never had any real conversation, like a real one where im instantly replying to someone and shit with anyone i think after we stopped talking - basically i cant communicate well with people - i feel like having a normal conversation where i sit with my phone and talk to someone and actually bother to give them instant replies is too much of commitment & no i cant put that much effort for anyone ------ so yeah, that kind of made it clearer that obviously its not me, i dont even go to whatsapp! Bleeeeeh - well yeah later i just think i figured its some other app - idk - or maybe there just is a special new person :) 

2- It just started to seem really really disturbing - how the tweet bothered me so much. I mean i have no right to get bothered. Like what am I? I mean we’re definitely not together right now. And we dont talk. And even if we were together just saying, i definitely dont want to be a creepy chic who has a problem with things like these. like, woah hold your brakes. who are you to feel bothered by stuff like these :) 

3- And then i realised that i really need to take a BIG BIG step backwards - like Breathe, honey. chill. dont let every little thing get to you. EXPAND your mind, think bigger. i mean im not thirteen anymore and this is not a teen fiction novel where teenage girls get jealous over stuff, and everything bothers them, and blabla shit. Ugh hindi movies and tv series are the same too lool. ---- Wel anyways long story short - i was just - “Training my mind and soul to just let go and think bigger”. I shouldn’t be getting bothered by things like this in his life, thats not my place right now i think! 

SO YES THATS IT - UH i finally got to jot down this stuff! Such a relieffff ~ 

So lets re-cap :3 

~ Aha, so turns out im basically always thinking about him, theres guilt wishing i could do something, theres fear hoping i dont screw up in ways im too stupid to even realize, and theres me being a little girl, but one badly in love! ~

Ok bye :)

[canaryatlaw]

Ugh, I don't know what's gotten into me this week, but I've officially lost all my ambition to like, get out of bed in the morning, because I woke up today and was like lol nope and went back to bed and like that's BAD but I was also pretty productive and got a lot of shit done so I don't feel that bad about it?? Lol. Anyway. I woke up again around noon and had some breakfast, then got to work putting the final touches on my LARC assignment, which was gonna be what I did when I got home today. While I was doing so I made some of the vanilla bean rice pudding I like a lot because I'd bought a whole gallon of milk (instead of my usual half gallon) with the intention of making it so I figured I should do that, and it came out quite nicely. LARC was mostly putting in citations, which is unfortunately trickier than one might hope. The word limit was 1750, and I had it down to 1710 before I added citations, but it quickly got up to like 1763 or something so I had to go back and cut words to finish it up, but ultimately I was pretty satisfied with it. Like I said yesterday, I'd probably be more nervous about it if it was actually getting graded, but since it's just a hand in it's not that big of a deal, and I don't really have to worry about my prof thinking I'm a slacker or anything since grading is anonymous, so that's helpful. After I finished the actual document I had to do a couple accompanying things that didn't take too long. After that I mostly just did a bunch of little things to take care of that needed to get done, like updating the company tumblr since it was about 5 days past its weekly update deadline, which means I had to decide if I wanted to put the posts I've reblogged about punching nazis on there, and it was a hard call, but I figured as much as I tend to get social justice-y (and probably way too political, even when I'm trying to be good) and this probably falls well outside the area of our actual subject matter, so I let that one go (but of course there will still be plenty of those on here). After a while I decided to watch some tv while still doing stuff, so I put on this week's flash episode being that I haven't gotten a chance to watch it yet, and I was pretty satisfied with it, definitely better than this week's arrow (though that's not really saying much). All the Iris and Barry stuff had me like AHHHHHHHHH SO MANY FEELINGSSSSS but I love their journey as a couple and how they're dealing with things, and as much as I understand why they wouldn't want to tell Joe about the Savitar thing, I feel like that's gonna come back to bite them in the end (because these things normally do, though if they kill him off I still s2g I will injure all of them). I loved the Caitlin/Julian stuff, and CAITLINNNNNN my poor baby you deserve so much happiness and I don't want you to ever be hurting because it's so sad!!!!! I like the Julian being on the team thing a lot though, and I think their friendship (??) could be very good for them. The villain I didn't really find all that interesting, he wasn't really the main focus of the episode anyway so it didn't matter all that much. Seeing Barry's somewhat futile attempted to change the future was kind of sad, cuz like I get that he's hoping it'll have a ripple effect or whatever but changing who captures this bad guy may change one word of the news broadcast but it probably won't change the circumstances he found himself in?? Idk, I hope he doesn't get too caught up in the little stuff on that, though I'm sure he's gonna be going nuts to try and change the future from now on. Lastly there was the Cisco/HR thing which was kind of meh because while I love Cisco I don't find HR particularly interesting, nor did I find his whole reopen star labs thing to be an interesting plot, so I hope they're able to work that into something actually interesting by the end of the season, because there's definitely a lot of potential at least. And yeah, good episode. After that I watched Suits which my dvr didn't record for some strange reason (I think frequency might've been on at the same time, but that won't be an issue anymore) and was decisively underwhelmed by the episode. I mean, the show's been going downhill for a while, and the stuff about Mike's trial was interesting, but his prison arc was pretty dry and now that he's out it's all back to "the firm!! Ahh!! What's gonna bring it down this time???" like that seems to be the problem with watching shows about private lawyers instead of government employed ones, their conflict is always gonna be like "the firm is collapsing!" and after a while it gets BORING (just ask the good wife, and all the times they split firms and reunited them and crushed them). So basically everyone was just yelling at each other for a whole episode and I wasn't very amused. I have to say though, Harvey having the idea that Mike would even ever get in front of the character and fitness board is a joke, because he wouldn't even get into law school, much less actually pass character and fitness?? Like are you shitting me??? Nor would he ever be able to get any job remotely related to law, so he needs to drop that shit now. I do feel bad for Rachel though, she's in a tough spot when it comes to that stuff. But yeah, wasn't very impressed there. After that I was out of things to watch again, so I decided I would start the minority report tv series, I think I mentioned last week that we had been talking about it in crim pro and I saw that Nick Zano was in it so of course that made me want to watch it, and it's only 10 episodes so it won't take long, I ended up watching 4 tonight. It's pretty good! I've never actually seen the movie, lol, but I know the concept and since it's set like 10 years after the movie you don't really need to know all the details of the movie to understand what's going on. I have to say though, omg, the legal implications of all of this is OFF THE WALL. Like I could probably rant for a solid hour about all of the reasons this is all incredibly unconstitutional and illegal and couldn't never happen, and they were like "oh yeah the pre-crime program before the Supreme Court ruled it unconstitutional" and I like snorted because the idea of them still having a Supreme Court and it taking them SIX YEARS to overrule that is suchhhhhh a joke lol. And don't even get me started on the whole "well it wasn't set in stone" concept because that would just completely implode and legal legitimacy it had, at all. But, now that I got that out, it's a pretty cool concept. Nick Zano's character is the twin brother of the main character, who is working with a detective to try and stop the murders he still sees flashes of but without the whole pre-crime program and all its unconstitutionality, and it works pretty well I'd say, it's interesting. Nick Zano's character is kind of an asshole, but he's funny and him and their sister are very distrusting of the whole thing but he still ends up helping his brother, though their sister is like having flashes of the government taking them again and shit so that could go wrong soon. We'll see what the rest of the season brings, there's only 10 episodes so they can't really get into anything too elaborate (hopefully, anyway, because an unfinished story sucks). While watching that I did take a break to watch the premiere of Riverdale, because why the fuck not, I've been seeing promos of it for weeks now and it was on so I might as well watch it. I like know the comic strip exists but like, it's not something I've ever really read or been familiar with, so I was pretty much going in blind here. Interesting first episode. They're definitely playing on the whole oh this town is in the middle of nowhere so even though we're technically setting this in the present day we're gonna act like it's actually the 50's with some stuff. I like Veronica, she's amusing, and I like that she seems to be looking out for Betty just because it's the right thing to do. Betty is fine, seems pretty stereotypical female lead who's in love with her male best friend at this point, but that could develop more. Archie is interesting, how whole having an affair with his music teacher and them witnessing part of a murder they can't tell anyone about or they'd get caught is certainly interesting, so we'll see where that plot goes. But yeah, not bad, and that pretty much wraps up my night. It's like 1:20 am right now, so without further to do I'm going to head to bed. Goodnight peeps. Happy Friday.

[frenchibi]

Tagged~

I got tagged 3 times in the last couple days – in an attempt to not spam you with separate posts, I’m just gonna put everything here under the cut :D Hope you don’t mind ^^

Thanks to @lalikaa, @anyadisee and @ghost--fox, you guys know I love these games :D

1) (thank you Lisa for this one!!)

Last Movie I Watched: Moana, for the third time (not sorry) – god, I LOVE this movie

Last song I listened to: Well… technically? “House of the Rising Sun”, played by my little brother on his new guitar (and sung by me xD)

Last book I read: I actually… haven’t finished a book in a while D: I did recently re-read one of my favorites though: The Hours by Michael Cunningham. It’s… incredible, in my opinion, for stylistic reasons :o

Last thing I ate: Popcorn at the movies :D I basically got called a heathen for liking salty popcorn… it’s not that I dislike sweet popcorn ok I just prefer it salty? (probably bc I can relate more ayyyy)

If I could be anywhere in the world I would be in: …here, actually. I like where I live, I like being close to my family and most of my friends? Although I’d love to travel back to London and to Dublin again :D And I’ve never been to any eastern countries, there’s a lot I’d love to see!!

Where would I want to time travel to: THE FUTURE :o

Fictional characters I would hang out with for a day: Uhmmmm do you want that list alphabetically, chronologically or in order of importance…? xD

Edward Elric (and WINRY?? RIZA?? OLIVIER???) from FMA The Seijoh third-years from Haikyuu Yato (and Hiyori :D) from Noragami The entire cast of Barakamon tbqh The entire cast of Avatar (both AtlA and Korra ahhh) THE CAST OF HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE please oh my god I love all of them so much, Howl is wonderful and CALCIFER IS SO PRECIOUS …the Ouran High School Host Club. Celty from Durarara (but only if she lets me sit behind her on her motorcycle) Soul from Soul Eater Hitsugaya and Matsumoto from Bleach (whooo, an old fandom making an appearance again!) Honestly I’d love to have Akane from Ranma ½ teach me to fight :D

2) Aya tagged me to post my 9 favorite albums of all time – which is really difficult?? Have a couple that I enjoy a lot these days:

1. Beneath the Skin by Of Monsters and Men

2. The 2nd Law by Muse

3. Oh Wonder by Oh Wonder

4. Smoke and Mirrors by Imagine Dragons

5. Symphony Soldier by The Cab

6. Storms by Hedley

7. Tyr by Black Sabbath (there’s my childhood coming through xDD I’m a mess of influences)

8. The Undertale Soundtrack

9. Hamilton: An American Musical by Lin-Manuel Miranda

(10. American Beauty/American Psycho by Fall Out Boy)

(11. Future Hearts by All Time Low)

(12. Death of a Bachelor by Panic! At the Disco)

(I’ll stop now sorry)

 3) Aaaand the last tag is from Mari, thank youuu!

11 facts about me:

1. I recently started keeping a bullet journal and it’s been a wonderful creative outlet?? I don’t know why I didn’t think of doing it earlier.

2. I’m obsessed with scarves and sweaters and TEA. I love winter and fall for these reasons, mainly :’D

3. I have entirely too many pieces of jewelry. I had a phase where I bought a LOT, and even though it’s gotten less, I’m still pretty awful at restraining myself. I own an estimated amount of 200 pairs of earrings and 50 necklaces? Whoops. There’s only very few pieces that are actually valuable though.

4. I’m the oldest of four, but my mom got remarried two years ago so now I have an older stepsister and a nephew who is the same age as my younger sister xD (...I am also the shortest. Out of all of us. Even my tiny grandma is taller than me ^^)

5. I have so many allergies. ALL the allergies. Don’t buy me flowers. Don’t introduce me to your pets. Don’t take me out to dinner unless you want to kill me.

6. I’ve had this blog for over 3 years (maybe even 4 now?) and I started out as a Supernatural blog… if you scroll back far enough in my posts… eh.

7. I love to collab on projects. Hmu. I know I’m terrible but please scream with me. I’ll draw, I’ll write – heck, I’ll even sing if you want me to :D

8. I’ve been wanting to make sideblogs for literal AGES but I’m not sure if I could maintain them and idk if people would be interested (in my original writing, in my art, in my singing) – also I really want to clean up the multifandom mess that is my blog atm :’)

9. The only sport I’m really good at is skiing, and I’ve been doing it since I could walk. I was a skiing instructor for three years before the school I worked for had to close. I have very few friends who know how to ski, so I don’t get to go often bc it’s kind of dangerous to go alone – which is why I always completely freak out when I DO get to go :DD

10. I was having a bad day today because I lost my ID and my car wouldn’t start – the cold drained the battery. These kinds of things tend to really get to me, which is super annoying :< And now of course I have to deal with fixing these problems :’)

11. I already answered one of these before, you can find it here. I seem to be mentioning the allergy thing a lot. Huh.

Aand that’s it! I guess I should tag a couple of people - please choose one or two or all of the above, if you want, or none at all :D Whichever you prefer xD (also obviously @lalikaa, @anyadisee and @ghost--fox you’re welcome to do the ones you haven’t done yet :D)

@missellaineous, @cheatos, @cheetahleopard, @who-broke-my-dog, @chxngsey, @heirxx, @astersandstuffs, @snowflakers, @warmybones :D

(also anyone else that feels like it?? Please feel free to say I tagged you~)