#aka why you should read this book series in two sentences

[rtlstuff]

"Right, then. The flying fox samurai with a laser sword needed fire support."

- Brandon Sanderson, Defiant

[redrose-arrow]

RedRose (re)reads: The Icebound Land

“aka the book that i dreaded so, so much

~~~

The storm has a chokehold on me. that’s it. it does. 

‘Believe you are unseen and it will be so’ I have won at least one round of hide and seek with that, no joke. 

‘Halt and his colleagues’ makes it seem like he has a 9-5 desk job lmaoo. 

HE HAD A PROMISE TO KEEP. 

Unrelated but Foldar is described as a dandy and some of my literature teachers kept talking about dandies in class so now I’m thinking of Foldar writing and reciting poetry. 

I wish we would hear the phrase ‘King’s Ranger’ more often tbh. 

I love it so much when they refer to Rangers’ black magic. 

Ironic that Halt steps out an oak tree, huh? 

‘Worse than that, they’ve wasted my time.’ yes they did :(((((

Lowkey mad over the fact that the first time in this series that we actually get to see Crowley, it’s him telling Halt no. 

Ngl this scene hits harder if you’ve already read The Early Years and know how good friends Halt and Crowley really are. 

I forgot about this scene tbh and right now it’s just adding to why I don’t like rereading this book. 

Throwback to when I took “For over twenty years, halt had been one of the King’s closest confidants, with constant, unquestioned access to the royal chambers” and ran straight into the HaltxDuncan ship with it. No regrets. 

Thinking about that ^ helps me cope with the pain of reading that Duncan refuses to see Halt. Also that means that Duncan and Crowley talked about the situation??? Maybe Crowley tried to get Halt out but Duncan (ngl, rightly so) didn’t let him. Or maybe the other way around. I don’t care what it was, but it was painful. Someone write me some fanfiction, please. 

PLEASE HALT DO NOT CHANGE DUNCAN’S MIND. PLEASE DON’T DO THAT TO YOURSELF OR TO HIM OR TO ANYONE ELSE. OR TO ME. DON’T DO THAT TO ME. 

It truly shows how bad Will’s geography is, huh? “Is this Skandia?” Sure... 

“Just like old times” lmao Evanlyn’s humour is lowkey on point. 

I, for one, think it’s lowkey pretty cute how fond Erak is of the two. 

I do NOT want to read the tavern scene. I don’t. 

“For a fleeting moment, he thought he saw a flash of satisfaction in the other man’s expression, but he dismissed thethought as ridiculous.” Thanks, I hate it. 

Will: “If Evanlyn weren’t here, life wouldn’t be worth living.” Also Will: “I am going running to stay in shape!” Why does he literally have more motivation to stay in shape than me lmaooo rip. 

“Never give up because, if an opportunity arises, you have to be ready to take it.” i c o n i c 

I lowkey appreciate that at first, it seems like Evanlyn gave up, but then it turns out she’s actually more cunning than expected. Dare I say, Queen material? 

“Because I’m his daughter.” why why WHY doesn’t this sentence have as much of a grip on this fandom as it should??? 

“And I’m sorry if I’ve been behavinglike a bit of a princess over the past few days.” I love her so much. 

I also don’t want to read the throne room scene. I don’t. It’s already been scarred into my soul. 

Why is Duncan’s throne made of oak, why are there oak trees and oak leaves everywhere in Araluen????????? I have questions. 

Okay to be really really honest, when Anthony began reading the charges and someone sighed, I laughed. Arald and Crowley are so done with Halt but this time it’s not funny. I am coping. 

Okay but I do not appreciate what Halt is putting Duncan through. That King is going through a tough time and I get it but also,,,, no. 

Duncan deserves so much more appreciation for coming up with the idea to banish Halt for one year only. I love that man. 

Arald is grinning so widely omg I love him too.

Crowley is hiding his grin in his cloak. More love. 

Sometimes I forget that Will is such a social person. Why is he making small-talk with his captors??

Okay but Svengal has a point - why doesn’t Will know about the tide? 

Or maybe I am stupid and Will does know but he’s just striking up conversation. 

SINCE WHEN DOES SVENGAL HAVE BEARD? My toxic trait is being surprised every time a character is said to have a beard. 

I love that Erak is getting a sense of what Will’s doing. He deserves more appreciation. 

I’m at page 60 and have so many notes already omg. 

Halt surrendering his Oakleaf has NO business being so so heartbreaking. 

The fact that Gilan is the only one Halt explicitly admits his plans to >>>

STRANGELY, SOME OF THEM TASTED LIKE SALT. <<<<<<<<<<<

I am excited for Slagor because at least this will be entertaining rather than sad. 

“He had no idea what a Vallasvow might be but he knew one thing. Keeping Evanlyn’s identity a secret had suddenly become a matter of life and death.” hhhhhhh I remember how invested I was in this. Still am, ngl. 

If I hear one more person on TikTok say that Horace is either stupid, dumb, or both, I will hit this chapter into their face. Horace hearing of Halt’s arrest and instantly knowing what’s up is just,,,,, I love it. 

Horace really just went into Rodney’s office and said “I’m joining Halt into his banishment to find Will. Goodbye.” What an icon. 

I think it makes sense that Will always continues to call Cassandra Evanlyn, because he is here literally killing himself over not accidentally saying her real name lest she be killed. 

The slander of Eraks’ stealth starts here and I, too, am here for it. 

Erak is lowkey one of the first feminists and no I will not elaborate, just read this book. 

So about the girls and skirts scene - it literally says Halt is talking nonsense and still all of us initially took the explanation and, well, ran with it. I love that for us. I also wonder when exactly between now and the Clonmel mission Horace will realise that it’s nonsense. 

If Halt was allowed one actual, explicit swear word, maybe him seeing the “knight” in Gallica could be it, because I think that that’d be funny. 

On another note: if the movie / television show / whatever, ever, EVER, makes Will and Evanlyn kiss, I will personally come for them. 

I forgot that it wasn’t Halt who put Horace up to the task of dealing with all those knights, it was Horace who volunteered. Once again, an icon. 

“A child could take it from him.” Because Horace is most definitely not a child. No. 

adkjfdksj Order of the Oak Pancake will never get old, will it? 

Did I say I love Erak already? No? Because I do. 

Oh I forgot about the keg-head-knife scene, but it’s so good. 

Aaaahahahahahaha and then they were officially enslaved and I was definitely not about to lose my mind over this. 

What do you mean, an inconsistency with the coffee and the honey? I only see Halt pulling Horace’s leg. /s

If the musician entertainment scene never makes it to the big screen, that will actually be good for the environment because it will save a lot of tissues from being needed. 

Okay but why does everyone have a beard. I don’t think this issue’s on me anymore, it is suspicious how practically every man in this book has a beard. How dare they. 

“I am Deparnieux.” “Good for you.” Oh I love it when Horace’s teenage self comes out. Good for him. 

OAK BEAMS?????? WHY THE OAK BEAMS

That being said, I do think it’s lowkey iconic that Halt just straight up shoots that glove out of the air. 

Not the paddles not the paddles not the paddles

Okay cool now I am also cold and just generally not having a good time. 

I forgot that Erak is the honorary “pay your taxes or I’ll hit you on your head even harder” lmaooo, he’s having a good time. 

I genuinely think that one of the best moments in this book is when Erak recognises Will. It’s heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time and it says so much about how deep Will has sunken, but also about how much Erak is growing. 

“He was no longer whistling.” Another strong sentence that should receive more attention :(. 

“Somehow, she didn’t think Erak paid cash for this.” Now why would you think that??? 

I love how angry Erak gets at the drugs. 

This book literally takes forever. 

Can we please talk about Halt during his private confrontation with Deparnieux, and the cook? I actually respect that so much. 

Erak should’ve been an actor, I’m calling it. 

If we never get a movie or tv-show I will be fine with that because I don’t think I will ever be ready to watch Will’s addiction meltdowns. 

I am deeply, deeply in love with the “Well, it isn’t much, but it’s home” parallel. 

I think it’s kinda funny that somehow, wherever they go, be it Gallica or Arrida, they have better coffee than in Araluen lmao. 

Deparnieux getting scared when he notices Halt’s satisfaction is top tier. 

Actually just the whole lead-up to that, the entire scene, is top tier. 

Oh yes, I forgot about Halt addressing his royal lineage!!!! I loved dissecting that lmao, to see how much he did or did not lie. 

Poor Horace, having a front row seat to Halt’s disregard of the rules of chivalry, lmao. 

“Halt had chosen two of his role models in Rodney and the Baron.” I love how much Horace looks up to those knights <3. 

I’m sorry but how was it allowed to publish “Philemon shook his head. This was phenomenal luck!” Philemon has phenomenal luck? My head aches. 

Wait since when does Evanlyn have two male cousins??? And what happens to them by the time we come to Duel at Araluen??? 

When Will woke up, I realised a breathe I didn’t know I’d been holding. It’s true. 

Ah yes, Halt also likes setting things on fire.

Okay so I have to admit, this book had more not-incredibly-sad moments than I remembered, but I will still not reread this book anytime soon if I can help it. 

[cherrybomb618]

Some CoT shenanigans (?)

I know it's been only a day since I read the book but I need to do this so badlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Here are some thoughts about CoT that I need to get out in the open before they eat me alive. I’m just a fan of this series since 2014 and I’ve been waiting for this book to come since that year.

(Note: English is not my native language so sorry for the mistakes)

-------------------------SPOILER ALERT!!!-----------------------------

In general I can say I really enjoy the book, I liked it a lot. I mean, I did feel it a bit rushed since the Intermission chapter, and at the same time I felt it a bit slowed before the same chapter. I felt as things that were relevant (for example, the bracelet thing or finding Lucie) could be written or summarized in two or three chapters but took so long to resolve. Anyways, I’ll be breaking down some of the stuff that I can’t stop thinking about

1. The love triangle. I mean, WHY? There was already a third person in that relationship (aka Gracelet). I won’t lie, at the beginning I wanted to know what would happen or how would it be if Matthew and Cordelia kissed. But just a kiss, not the whole bridge and hotel scene. While I was reading half of it, I wanted the kissing to stop lol. I mean, you can see how much she drowns in love for James in the past books, but there are just tiny glimpses of her POV when she acknowledges Matthew’s smile, eyes, etc., but not in such a romantic way as when she talks about James, it was more friendly if anything when she talks about Math. That difference made me feel that maybe the scene was kinda out of place. Idk, I just felt as if there wasn’t enough romantic history between these two to make such a scene like that (not the way as in TID where you could see Tessa and Jem having those moments as well as Will and Tessa). Their friendship was really special, and it should have remained that way. This love triangle felt as another way to wound Matthew bc I think everyone knew how it would end.

2. Cristopher’s death. IDK HOW TO FEEL ABOUT IT (Of course I’m sad but you know). Because I really wish we could’ve been able to see more of him in the past books. I had a really strong feeling that all his potential was only shown in a few pages of CoT, in the way he helped Matthew with his abstinence and Kit’s reaction and wisdom about all the bracelet thing.  I know he’s similar to Henry’s character (in the way he’s too wrap up in scientistic stuff) but Kit is WAY CLOSER to the Merry Thieves (damn, he was one of the 4 members – and as far as I’m concerned James, Matthew and Thomas characters had similar relevance) and way more INVOLVED in the plot than Henry was on TID. I do think Kit deserved more relevance.

3. The coronation. I had hope it would have some deeper meaning to the plot, as if the coronation would allow Belial’s to take control all over the world, not only London (I can’t recall if it was mentioned, if that’s the case, I would’ve liked more elaboration as to the consequences)  – or for instance, it would had some other frikin’ dark and evil reason as to why he’s been planning all this stuff up since so long ago.

4.  There were too many characters for only three books. I mean, we followed so many storylines and that’s why I felt it was a little rushed in the end. And even in the Epilogue, it didn’t give me a sense of closure (tbh, Idk if that’s for the better) – still, I don’t know why I have this feeling as if there were things left unspoken. Like I was expecting for a conversation between James and Cordelia after everything that they went through. Same for Lucie and Cordelia (this is another thing that had me losing my mind, see next point). I was hoping that we’ll get to see Matthew’s story confession and the whole gang reaction. I thought we would see all and more scenes I wanted to read but there were only sentences that made look as if everything was so unseeingly settle.

As well, there were situations that I thought would be a little bit hard to work out (Anna and Ariadne relationship or Alastair’s confession for reference (Idk if I’m missing something but I don’t recall Sona knowing that Alastair liked men, pls forgive my bad memory if that’s the case ☹)) but at the end it was so simple. I mean, despite everything Anna and Ariadne had said in the past, I was expecting they’re relationship to develop a little more strongly. Idk if that makes sense but I felt such an absence of Anna’s usual character, Idk why (For instance, this is regarding her behavior before Kit’s death). I mean, they never really talked, there were only kisses scenes - but I wanted them to actually sit and settle things down, not in the rush of the moment, like the battle.

5. Cordelia and Lucie relationship. OMG I wanted so bad for them to be parabatai. This was one of the reasons I wanted to read TLH, but tbh I felt as if their relationship was push aside (for most of the series). I know each one of them had a secret but I’d loved to see them bonding more than for a few scenes. And in the end, IDFK when did they worked out their problems. I mean, there were pretty awful words and hurt feelings between them but I don’t know if I missed the part where they apologize – or at least talk about it. Still, I’m happy to see they did get to do the ceremony and all.

6. Grace. For most of my reading of TLH I only thought of her just as a tiny not-so-evil lovely bug that was manipulated by her mother. I didn’t exactly hate her – I felt a strange sympathy for her. It was such a complex character and I liked the way she was developing throughout the book – until the epilogue. Idk what it was but somehow, I felt her ending incomplete.

7. Tatiana’s death. I didn’t want Cordelia to kill anyone. I mean, I know they’re shadowhunters but they kill demons, no humans or someone like them. It was weird at the beginning BUT honestly Idk what other ending I can imagine for all the horrible things Tatiana had done.

Now, things I actually LOOOOOOOOOOVED.

1. The way Matthew’s problem with alcohol was handled. I was so f****** afraid he was going to die bc of it, but he didn’t so I’m happy.

2. One thing that I really loved was the fact the it was the love that James felt for Cordelia what break the bracelet and free him from its power and also overpower his grandfathers will (considering that man was a Prince of Hell). I found it rather poetic.

3. LOVED WILL SENDING FIRE MESSAGES AND THE THELEPHONE THING. THAT WAS SO FRIKIN FUNNY.

4. I didn’t know how much I needed the scene between Tessa and Lucie until I read it. (And the little fraction of sentence were Tessa and Will were fighting the Watchers).

5. This may be controversial, but I feel so conflicted about the ending. I already established that I didn’t get the closure that I’m used to regarding other CC’s books. Still, I can’t help but be happy that the couples (except for Kit and Grace) ended up being together and happy.

[nishigo]

growing. // razor headcanons and writings. // chapter one.

a book titled “growing.”

[ c h a p t e r 1 : false reality. ]

the synopsis reads: razor and the dear reader have gotten themselves into quite the mess. miscommunications and raised voices lead to an argument that was more heated than a flaming flower. although healing takes time, could a wound this large be repaired? aka fighting and making up with razor headcanons.

authors note: hello traveler. pleasure to see you again in this library. this book is a mixture of headcanons as well as writing that i have made into a three part short series. i was going to make it one, but i got carried away because razor is an absolute sweetheart. i do hope you enjoy, and the 3 chapters (aka parts) will come out at around 7:30 pm est. this is because i am trying to do some winter break school work. but please, let me stop rambling. i’ll leave you to it, enjoy the book. :) (also sorry for the repost. i noticed a mistake. ^^”)

word count : 1,222 words.

tw: this part entails an argument. a bit angsty, so if you don’t like yelling, please be cautious dear reader! (*´-`)

request status at time of posting : open.

[ chapter one. ] [ chapter two. ] [ chapter three. ] 

in which it began with happiness and hope, yet ended with the crushing of a dream.

would you like to read?

＞　行｡ ( y e s )

＞　不行 。( n o )

------

you and razor had been dancing around your feelings for each other for quite some time now.

ever since you met the boy in wolvendom, you had found him to be the most precious being you had ever met.

although, despite this, he wasn’t used to humans and their ways because of how he was raised, so a big roadblock between the two of you was communication.

at first, it was cute, the way his sentences were always short, sweet, and oblivious.

“y/n, smell good. better than meat.”

^ you decided to take that as a compliment rather than an insult.

and his sweet gifts he would give such as some boar meat he had hunted down or some apples he had found lying on the ground were one of the ways you knew he was on good terms with you.

however, you were beginning to get frustrated.

you had fallen in love with the boy due to his sweet nature (and i mean, looks as well; have you seen him? he’s absolutely a pretty boy, even if he doesn’t know it)

but because you could never tell what he was thinking (or rather, he didn’t know what he was thinking), it began to eat you up inside

did razor like you? was he in love with you? would razor date you? or would he consider it mating? how do wolves even mate each other??? bark bark woof woof fall in love??

so many questions, all with no answers.

so one day, you came to wolvendom yourself.

granted, razor wasn’t the main reason for you doing so, you had to hunt for some extra meat and some fruit for your mission you had to partake in tomorrow.

you hadn’t been able to come to the forest for quite some time, so when razor saw you coming over, he practically bounded over to you and stopped right up near your face.

“y/n!” he called your name, an excited look on his features

you froze as you heard your voice, turning and watching as he came at the speed of light right towards you.

there was that smile he had.

a tiny piece of you melted on the inside as he rocked back and forth from heel to toe, but it disappeared as your hands gently took both sides of his shoulders.

------

You inhaled softly as you stared at him. Your eyes held a different look to them today, Razor’s face was morphing into one of confusion as he tilted his head cutely. He truly did act like an overgrown puppy in a human's body. How sweet...

No, wait. No time to get distracted, you had to ask now. You decided that being blunt would be the best course of action as you exhaled. Summoning all the courage you had, you simply inquired,

“Razor, do you love me?”

Razor scrunched up his eyebrows and crossed his arms. Love? What was that? Was it a new meat he had never heard about? Perhaps it was a dish. But then why would you be the meat? He was lost. “Love? What is love?” You scoffed as you glared at him.

“Don’t play dumb with me! I know you don’t know a lot of emotions, but this is not the time to fool around! You know what love is, Razor. It’s a basic emotion, like happiness or sadness. Do you love me?” You repeated, but this time the tension began to rise as he began to get defensive. Why were you suddenly so aggressive with him? He had answered your question honestly, wasn’t that what you wanted? The boy felt the grip of your hands on his shoulders grow a bit tighter and he felt trapped. Restriction of freedom was something that made him panic quick having grown up in the forest. Razor quickly slapped one of your hands away, beginning to fight a bit as he took a step back. Then, in his little brain, he concluded that he would give an answer. After all, if he didn’t know what something was, he should not trust it. It was in his instinct of sorts, and instinct was always right. Well, at least to him.

“No! No, Razor does not want love with you! No love, no no no!” He yelled out, frustrated at your brashness and your tone. Whatever this love thing was, he wasn’t into. Not if it made you so upset. Though, sadly, his misinterpretation caught you off guard as your face went blank. Your other hand let go of him, staring into, or rather past, his blood red eyes, as if he were a ghost.

He was...just being nice? All this time? The apples, the boar, the smiles, laying under the stars together, that meant...nothing to him? Not a spark of love, no feelings? He didn’t feel the same, electrifying rush you got whenever you simply even saw him? You had been combing the stars in the sky for some sort of sign, but alas, you ended up empty handed. All your wishes, his gestures, all the time and commitment you had spent up on this one boy was futile.

The realization made its way onto your face as your eyes began to turn watery. You sniffled a bit as you watched him simply stand there and watch you crumble. It felt embarrassing, it made your hands clammy. Your cheeks flushed, your eyes were devoid of color. He felt something in the air as he stared at you now, a tad curled in on yourself. It was dense, crushing, and uncomfortable. It was like suffocating, which made him confused. Razor concluded that both of you could still breathe, the two of you weren't being hurt, yet…

Why did his chest suddenly feel so heavy?

“Y/N, why face? Why I-” Razor would begin walking towards you to try and make it all better, his gloved hand coming up to your hand, but you took multiple steps back.

“I’m s-sorry. I have to g-go. Forget a-about it.” You put it simply before you dashed off, down the plains and through the shrubs and trees. Razor attempted to follow you, but because of the thicket of trees, he had lost you. At the edge of the forest, he looked around but for some reason, you had disappeared like magic. Gone with the wind you went, leaving just him being more confused and weighed down than ever.

------

you ran back to mondstadt and back to your little inn where you were staying. the holes in communication were now painstakingly obvious as you sat on your bed and held your head in your hands.

he really...didn’t love you.

understandably, you were in tears. it was the first time you had fallen in love with someone for goodness sakes, and to get rejected? it was worse than getting slashed with a sword on the battlefield.

remembering you had to travel once more to the falcon coast for your mission, you decided to distract yourself and then sleep it off.

what’s even worse was that you were going to ask him to come with you. your first adventure together outside of wolvendom!

...hah, as if that would ever happen now.

being with razor was only a dream now.

and in reality, dreams don’t come true.

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

do you think zuko treated mai fairly? i mean... why didn't he trust her to tell her his deepest thoughts when he abandoned her in the fire nation? i know he loved her but i don't understand why he didn't just tell her instead of hurting her unnecessarily. they're cute but i find it so hard to get past this, i would be so hurt if my bf didn't tell me something so important. and then mai just. forgives zuko so easily even after he locked her in a cell still not trusting her. mai deserves better :(

It’s kind of funny you ask this, because I lowkey have a lot of feelings about the phrase “x deserved better than y”. For one, I’m always cautious around it, because in the A:TLA fandom I’ve seen it thrown around in two main ways:

“Katara deserved better than Aang!” followed by the most ridiculous slander labelling Aang as abusive, toxic, manipulative, etc. (Funnily enough, though, a lot of those people will also go and ship T.aang. Like T.aang is an Excellent ship, do not get me wrong, but it’s clear they just say ‘Katara deserved better’ because they hate K.ataang and don’t necessarily care one way or the other about Aang.)

“Zuko deserved better than Mai!” followed by the most obnoxious bullshit also labelling Mai as abusive, toxic, manipulative, etc. and even - I kid you not - saying she’s “too ugly” for Zuko. At worst, racist; at best, shallow. (And again, funnily enough, a lot of them will then ship M.ailee, again proving they don’t really care one way or another about Mai, they just hate M.aiko.)

Now, I’m not getting into the K.ataang vs Z.utara vs M.aiko ship wars, lmao, but those are the two primary ways that rhetoric is used. It’s kind of embarrassing, tbh, how fandom tends to use the phrase to discredit pairings and demonize characters instead of… you know. Moving on with their lives, lol.

But your ask fascinates me, anon, because you bring up the point of Zuko not trusting Mai, thus leading to the conclusion of “Mai deserves better than Zuko.” Which is interesting, because as I just mentioned, for most people who follow the “x deserves better than y” phrase, it tends to be used the other way around!

Firstly, however, I want to say that you don’t have to ship Maiko. You can read my explanation and walk away still feeling exactly the same way about Mai and Zuko’s relationship (love it, hate it, indifferent to it, all that jazz), and that’s totally okay! But I’m going to do my best to explain what’s off with the rhetoric of “x deserves better than y,” specifically regarding Maiko. My thesis, as it were?

It’s not about “deserve.”

Disclaimer: This obviously does not refer to genuinely unhealthy/abusive relationships. I shouldn’t have to say that, but we all know how Tumblr is. I digress.

Love isn’t about “deserve.” At first glance, that’s kind of a confusing take, isn’t it? Don’t we all “deserve” someone who will respect us, appreciate us, and treat us well? Of course we do! But those are just qualities of any healthy relationship. When I say that love isn’t about “deserve,” I mean that love can’t be simplified quite so easily. Here is a definition of “deserve”:

“do something or have or show qualities worthy of (reward or punishment)”

How do we make ourselves “worthy” of love? I (an optimist) don’t think we do. Love isn’t about worthiness; I believe we are all “worthy” of love simply by existing. Instead, I argue that love is about openness. It’s not about if we “deserve” love or not, but rather if we allow ourselves to be open to it.

All of this is to say that it’s not about whether or not Mai “deserves” or “deserves better than” Zuko; it’s that she is open to receive love from him, and he from her. She wants to love and be loved by Zuko. No one else. She says it to Azula herself: “I love Zuko more than I fear you.” Mai chooses Zuko, full stop, just as Zuko chose her by a) doing everything in his power to keep her out of his betrayal of the Fire Nation (why would he risk putting a death sentence on her head, too?) and b) reuniting with her happily at the end of the show (i.e. he didn’t brush her off; he smiles his widest smile in the entire show during that scene!). So it’s not about “deserve.” It’s about these two kids loving and finding love in one another. A Shakespeare quote is particularly relevant here:

“Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.” (Twelfth Night – Act 3, Scene 1)

We are all looking for love, be it romantic or platonic or anything in-between, and there is no better feeling than we receive love even when we feel we don’t “deserve” it. Mai is willing to work with Zuko to make their relationship work despite his mistakes, because it’s not about if he “deserves” her, but because she knows he is willing to grow and improve (and she is, too).

Also, within the series of A:TLA (specifically towards the middle-end of Book 3), it can be concluded that Zuko believes that he is no longer “worthy” of Mai’s love. That he doesn’t “deserve” her love because of how he abandoned her (and she is the only thing about the Fire Nation he regrets leaving behind). Mai disagrees with him. She is open to a relationship with Zuko because she loves him for an infinite number of reasons (one being that he does what is right, including going against the Fire Nation, even if she did not at first understand). When Zuko realizes this by the time the finale comes around, they reconcile in a tender embrace.

And what reason are we ever given to doubt Mai regarding whether or not she “deserves” better than Zuko? Mai is perfectly aware of her own worth. She breaks up with Zuko in “The Beach” because his behavior is inexcusable and she knows that she doesn’t have to put up with it. Even in the comics, which are handled poorly, I don’t entirely hate the Maiko breakup because again, Mai knows that she does not have to be responsible for Zuko’s well-being. She loves him, she loves him so much, and she tries to help him, but she is not his therapist. So again, why should we doubt Mai? Going back to the A:TLA finale - Mai knows what she “deserves” and what she doesn’t. She knows what she will and what she won’t put up with. And after everything, she is still open to a relationship with Zuko. Because love isn’t about “deserve,” and it never has been.

To address your other questions:

why didn’t he trust her to tell her his deepest thoughts when he abandoned her in the fire nation? i know he loved her but i don’t understand why he didn’t just tell her instead of hurting her unnecessarily.

You almost answer your question yourself, anon. “[H]is deepest thoughts”? Who tells anyone their “deepest thoughts”? We actually talked about this in my Shakespeare class (I know, right? lmao). A very common trope in Shakespeare’s tragedies is a lack of communication. We all read Romeo and Juliet and Othello and were like “dude, if they had just talked to each other, none of those bad things would have happened!!” (and thus those tragedies might have been comedies).

My professor agreed with us. Then he asked, well, why do you think Shakespeare doesn’t have anyone communicate?

One brave soul said, “That’d be too easy.”

Which is… almost right. Perhaps, narratively, it would be too easy. The plays would definitely be resolved much faster. But the truth? It’s too hard. People don’t communicate clearly in real life. They hide certain things because they’re embarrassed, they’re ashamed, they’re afraid. Even couples who’ve been together for years will admit that they don’t tell each other everything, for whatever reason. People are imperfect, and thus their relationships are, too.

(Slightly amusing sidebar: Macbeth and Lady Macbeth are actually an example of a perfect couple, because Macbeth confides everything to Lady Macbeth in Act 1. And, well, we all know how that went down[hill], lmao.)

So why didn’t Zuko tell Mai the truth when he was leaving the Fire Nation? He was afraid! He says it himself in “The Boiling Rock”: “Everyone in the Fire Nation thinks I’m a traitor. I couldn’t drag her into it.” Zuko is afraid of what might happen to Mai! He knows the Fire Nation now has a price on his head - why would he wish that on Mai? It’s bad enough that she’s the (former) girlfriend of a traitor! How much worse might it have been for her if she’d been associated with him after he’d threatened the Fire Lord’s life*? I’m not saying this to excuse Zuko’s decision, because perhaps Mai would have agreed to join him (although we cannot conclude this with total certainty), and I certainly think breaking up by text letter was a pretty crappy way to go about it, but all the same, he was trying to protect her. When Mai realizes this, what does she do?

Saves his ass from Azula and utters one of the most iconic lines in the entire series.

*Also, a kind of interesting parallel presents itself between Zuko and Hamlet here, lmao. One interpretation of Hamlet’s “get thee to a nunnery!” scene with Ophelia is reading it as him trying to cut ties with her in the cruelest way possible so she wouldn’t try to follow him and possibly get hurt as he killed Claudius (aka regicide, the highest crime in Denmark). While it’s arguable that Zuko isn’t quite so perceptive, lmao, there is the possibility that Zuko thought breaking up with Mai in such a callous way would help prevent her from remaining attached to him and thus getting mixed up in his mess (killing the Fire Lord, aka the A:TLA equivalent of regicide, the highest crime in the Fire Nation). Just something to ponder!

and then mai just. forgives zuko so easily even after he locked her in a cell still not trusting her.

I don’t know if I’d call her forgiveness “easy.” Making the decision to betray Azula? That’s hard. Mai was signing herself up for a death sentence, because Azula doesn’t take prisoners (Aang can testify to this, lmao). If Ty Lee hadn’t been there, Mai almost certainly would have died. So yeah. I wouldn’t call her forgiveness “easy,” anon. I think it’s one of the scariest choices she ever made.

Of course, one can argue that Mai’s true forgiveness of Zuko actually came later, which I don’t necessarily disagree with. I think Mai’s initial instinct was to trust Zuko because she knows him better than perhaps anyone (thus she realizes he wouldn’t walk away from the Fire Nation without true cause), hence her betrayal of Azula. When she survived because of Ty Lee’s chi-blocking (since honestly, Mai probably didn’t think she’d get that far) and was ultimately imprisoned, I bet she had plenty of time to think about Zuko and her relationship with him. Working on that presumption, again, I don’t think I’d call her forgiveness “easy,” because she likely took several days if not weeks to process everything.

Also, you say Zuko doesn’t trust her because a) he didn’t inform her of what he was doing when he left the Fire Nation and b) he locked her in a cell at the Boiling Rock. I understand that perspective, but again, I go back to this line: “Everyone in the Fire Nation thinks I’m a traitor. I couldn’t drag her into it.” Does that sound like someone who doesn’t trust Mai? I think the better description is that Zuko feared for Mai, as I mentioned earlier. Did he lock her in a cell because he thought she’d betray him, or because he thought it was the last thing he could do to protect her when everything went to shit as he, Sokka, Suki, and etc. were all escaping from prison? Could it have been a little bit of both? We can’t say for sure, of course, but given how happy Zuko was around Mai in “Nightmares and Daydreams,” I think his love for her ultimately outweighed his worries about Mai’s ties to Azula, which leads me to conclude his locking her in a cell was less about distrust and more a final, last-ditch attempt at keeping her out of his mess.

Plus, Zuko has issues. Mai knows this. She loves him all the same for it. As I said earlier, she is open to giving love to and receiving love from Zuko. I think it’s a bit of a discredit to Mai’s character to assume she forgave him easily. And besides! She told him herself: “But don’t ever break up with me again.” Mai implicitly tells him hey, don’t pull that BS again, and Zuko gives her an embarrassed smile before they hold each other in a gentle, loving embrace. It’s not a direct statement, and maybe that puts some people off from it, but Mai is firmly implying that she wants him to trust her more, and Zuko acknowledges this (and he’s rightfully a little embarrassed that he kept her out of it, since hindsight is 20/20 and he now understands she probably would have gone with him; do remember, of course, that he had no way of knowing that initially).

do you think zuko treated mai fairly?

Well, how do we define “fairly”? I guess the short answer is no, he didn’t, but what other choice did he believe he had at the time? Answer: none. It was either keep Mai out of it and guarantee her safety or drag Mai into it (which Zuko likely saw as a selfish option, i.e. what right did he have to pull his girlfriend into treason just because he didn’t want to lose her company?) and risk losing her. As viewers, we know there’s more to the situation than that, but Zuko doesn’t have our luxury. So his decision to keep Mai out of it and thus try to protect her? I would call that a “fair” assessment, yes.

And besides, anon:

“The course of true love never did run smooth.” (A Midsummer Night’s Dream - Act 1, Scene 1)

Mai and Zuko chose each other. Who are we to deny them their happiness?

[incorrect-obeyme]

Lesson 39 & 40 Spoilers!

Hello hello! I figured that because the two lessons are connected, I’ve decided to talk about both of them! Horary! 

Heads up this is super long post! (Crossing fingers that the keep reading function is working!)

After the situation with your powers and 3 worlds, Diavolo holds a party in his castle.

You dance with Diavolo and he tells you how he’ll be able to look to you as his guiding light (AAAAAAA MY HEART)

He wanted to tell you that he hopes to stay by your side and right when he is about to finish that sentence, the song finishes. He holds your hand tighter and asks you if you want to dance with him again. OF COURSE DIAVOLO ILL DANCE WITH YOU AGAIN

The next day, you noticed that Lucifer is even closer with his brothers now after that whole amnesia situation (cute!)

Sadly, we find out that we have to leave Devildom AGAIN. 

Asmo suggested that you should go to Diavolo’s castle yourself and tell him that you want to stay in Devildom.

Sadly, he couldn’t do that, saying that we are only human beings and that we have our own lives in the human realm (i don’t have a life please send me down there)

After your failed plan, you talk to Solomon!

He explains that “if a demon chooses something dear to them at the time, and gives it to a human”, you can summon them across worlds at any time!

He also explains that the gift Asmo gave to him was a giant oil painting of himself LMAO

Anyways, you head off and ask the brothers about what is something that is most dear to them! This is where you can kiss them or hug them depending on what answer you pick!

Here’s a recap of what they give you (order by how the lesson was laid out):

Satan: The book when he and Lucifer switched bodies

Tells you that the book that set in motion a series of events that he will never forget

Asmo: Pictures of you and him

You both decided to take a bunch of pictures together

Before this, he tells you that what he treasures most is himself or you 

Belphie: His star

Tells you that you’re the only person he’d be willing to give it to

He also mentions how each brother has their own star (aww!)

Whenever he looks up to the sky and sees the stars, it makes him feel how his family is nearby

Now this concludes Lesson 39, now off to Lesson 40!

Levi: The script where we performed at the RAD festival + Simeon signature!

He explains to you that what makes this script important to him is not because it was autographed or written by the author of the TSL series, but a keepsake of his time with you

Beel: His star (twins!!)

Because those stars are family to him

He wishes that you had a star up there with the others

He also tells you that he used to the leader of Lucifer’s personal bodyguard and he will always be ready to be your bodyguard whenever you need him

Mammon: His keychain where you both bought a matching pair during that time when you went to the human world

Mammon tells you that the keychain is more important than money (goodbye i'm gonna cry)

Also tells you that he wouldn’t give to anyone, no matter how much money they offered him for it

Lucifer: His ring aka the ring of light!

He’s happy that his ring is protecting you and keeping you safe

If you answer that you want to stay in Devildom, he replies saying, 

“You belong in the human world. There is no changing that. However, if your real wish isn’t “to stay in the Devildom,” but rather “for all of us to be together,” well… That we can do. We’ll stay by your side until you’re sick of us. We’d never let you go… I’d never let you go. You must know that, right?”

Now, we’re counting down the final days in Devildom!

The next day, you’re in Purgatory Hall with Solomon, Luke, and Simeon! 

Luke talks about his dessert and Simeon asks Luke that rather than heading back to the Celestial Realm, they can visit the Human World instead!

Of course, Solomon talks about if they do visit the Human World, he’ll promise that he will cook up some meals and everyone was like, “yeah no thanks” (poor solomon)

Leaving Purgatory Hall, Luke runs after you!

He tells you how he likes the Devildom and how pretty nighttime could be here (since the Celestial Realm is the complete opposite)

Luke talks about how he has to head to the Demon Lord’s castle about sharing (I think?) a recipe with Barbatos and asks you if you can come with him!

When you arrive, you meet up with Diavolo!

He asks you if you have time to spare because he wants to talk to you about something (heLL YEAH DIAVOLO OF COURSE)

You both head to the garden, where he asks you if you remember the time back where you were alone with him and how he was talking about negative things because he was unsure of himself (think this was about Lucifer & how close we were with the bros? I don’t remember exactly sorry oahsogias)

Anyways, he confesses (he’s blushing in this part) that he doesn’t want you to go either. He also states, 

“I’m not speaking as the next king of the Devildom, or even as a demon, I’m speaking as myself.” (YOU GO DIAVOLO)

Right when he was about to tell you something, LUKE BARGES IN (LUKE WHY)

The next day, you roam around the House of Lamentation, remembering your moments here before you leave. You head to the diner and BOOM, the brothers + the undateables surprise you with a party! Diavolo magically changes the scenery and you all dance together!

You go outside and meet up with Solomon, Luke, and Simeon

Luke confesses that after he saw you doing amazing things here, he realizes that he wants to make some changes to himself

“I realized that it isn’t right to condemn someone just because they’re a demon.” (LUKE! YOU GROWN SO MUCH!!)

Both Luke and Simeon want to be your guardian angels!

Fastwording the final day, you wake up in a pitch-black area and you hear whispers

Turns out you were kidnapped by the brothers in a sack

Back in lesson 39, Asmo discussed a plan to make your stay in the Devildom, so I’m guessing this is it?

The plan was that the brothers will kidnap you so you can all run away together by exiting a secret passage in the House of Lamentation

Sadly, that plan was ruined when you encounter Diavolo and Barbatos when you reach the end

Lucifer arrives late, but he tells Diavolo that also agreed to this whole escape plan as well

Diavolo then tells everyone that he wants us to be human (not a demon or an angel) and that us to work with him to bring harmony to the 3 worlds

Barbatos opens the passageway and each of the brothers says their goodbyes

Asmo’s VA, Miura Ayme, sings a sad song here and I literally started crying for 10 minutes

ROLL THE CREDITS

Shoutout to @/faikittyy for playing the hardmode for lesson 40!

After a few days when you left the Devildom, Lucifer tells the brothers that they were heading to the Human World to visit you (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

AND THAT’S ALL FOLKS! Round of applause to the devs and the VA’s for working so hard on this game! Season 2 is over! Hope you enjoyed this summary! 

[kolachess]

DMBJ 2010 Nangongling Interview Translated

I’ve finally (poorly) translated the infamous Nangongling interview with Nanpai Sanshu (aka Xu Lei, author of DMBJ)! 

This is where that famous quote, ‘My lifetime, in exchange for you a decade of innocence and purity’ comes from. More on that here.

Interview Context: First off, in case you don’t already know, NPSS started DMBJ off as a fanfiction. And more on that here. Hence, his style of engagement with fans will be much more direct and why he’s very... knowing of the fandom world. And why the interview does not hesitate to ask about pingxie.

This interview seems to have been conducted somewhere on the internet in 2010 or nearing it. Although I couldn’t find more confirmation on its ‘authenticity’ so to speak, I also haven’t seen anything to the contrary that this might be made up. (Chinese internet is a strange, strange place...)

Here’s the version I’m basing this off of.

Translation Context:

Ok first, I’m a native Chinese speaker, but grew up in the US and not fluent in reading / writing. I am not at all familiar with a lot of idioms, let alone internet slang and pop culture references (of which there are a lot in this interiew), so there will be a lot of guessing. Anyone who knows better, free free to point it out.

Text Legend:

Parenthesis indicate actions / reactions. E.g. (smiles awkwardly)

[TN: ...] are my notes

[??? some words ???] indicate major uncertainty in translations

== or =w= and such symbols are emojis from the interviewer

Original text sometimes had random forward slashes in between what seems should be one word / term. My guess is it might be to skirt censorship?

Names Context:

They use a lot of different ways to refer to the various characters and NPSS

The interviewer calls NPSS ‘Your Majesty’ or ‘Sanshu’ a lot. But Sanshu can also refer to Wu Sanxing... so it gets confusing a bit.

Zhang Qiling can be anything from Menyouping to Pingzi to Lao Meng to Meng... just... anytime there’s ‘Meng’ or ‘Ping’ or ‘Zhang’ it’s safe to assume they’re referring to ZQL.

Wu Xie is often just Wu Xie or Tianzhen

Nangongling is the name of the interviewer

Interviewer:

Interviewer: Your Majesty, come interview. After this, we’ve got to sleep.

NPSS: OK. Let’s go. Be gentle.

Interviewer: Oh Your Majesty, you’re so shy.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu, is DMBJ ultimately a tragic or happy ending?

NPSS: For some, a tragedy. For some, a regular drama. For some, a comedy. For some, an absurdity.

Interviewer: That’s no different from not answering! ==

NPSS: But that’s the correct answer.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: What’s the relationship between Tianzhen and ‘It’? Your Majesty, care to give a spoiler? ==

NPSS: No relationship. [TN: ‘No relationship’ and ‘No problem’ are the same phrase, hence the subsequent answer.]

Interviewer: Then go ahead and tell us. =w=

NPSS: No relationship.

Interviewer: … No relationship?

NPSS: Yup. No relationship.

Interviewer: … ==

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu about the plan for DMBJ, when might you finish it?

NPSS: 2010.

NPSS: The problem is…

Interviewer: What?

NPSS: There is an unexpected situation.

Interviewer: Don’t give us cliffhanger sentences. Just tell us. ==

NPSS: Maybe [??? Something about being possessed ???]. I might work on it till 2050.

Interviewer: Hey!

NPSS: It’s great.

Interviewer: Might as well make it a Gundam series. [TN: Gundam is referring to the Japanese anime series. I guess they’re making a joke about how he should turn it into a never ending universe / entire franchise.]

NPSS: Conan never grows up. Wu Xie will never get old either. [TN: Conan is referring to Detective Conan, another Japanese anime series.]

NPSS: Even when you all become old, Wu Xie in the book will still be pursuing the answer to all the mysteries.

Interviewer: And if it’s with Lao Meng forever mutually loving and caring, then we have no objections.

NPSS: Fifty years, Golden Wedding  [TN: Think he’s referring to Golden Wedding as the 50th anniversary].

Interviewer: Yes, yes. Don’t know if there will be a son. (Tea) (Silence) [TN: I guess the actions indicate ‘sipping tea awkwardly in silence’]

Interviewer: Alright, His Majesty has become shy. Let’s continue onto the next question.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask what the Menyouping’s ending will be? Will he find his memories? Continue to live on? Your Majesty can’t because of Classmate 370 [TN: Rumors are this is NPSS’s classmate? Potential prototype for ZQL? See ref.] once scorned your [??? finger ???], you end up holding a grudge?

NPSS: Whether or not you can ‘fujoshi’ for 50 years is uncertain. [TN: Word is ‘fu’, which literal = ‘rotten’; but refers to fujoshi. AKA he’s questioning how long they’ll ship pingxie for.]

Interviewer: No worries. In the future, there will appear a lot of Li Yinhe grannies. [TN: Seems to refer to this LGBTQ activist.]

NPSS: Hands / feet have not fallen off, OK? [TN: I’m not sure what this is referring to lol. Maybe some play on the rotten nature of fujoshi.]

Interviewer: Hands / feet… the whole body?

NPSS: The meaning of ‘entirely not fallen off’ is ‘entirely not fallen off’. [TN: Idk I’m lost...]

Interviewer: … ==

Interviewer: Your Majesty, your resentment for 370 is too deep…

NPSS: Menyouping’s ending will definitely surprise you all. It’s definitely not something that can be conceptually considered at all.

Interviewer: Could it be that he really will be mutually loving and caring with Tianzhen? == It’s not in concept…

NPSS: Hn. That’s a nice thought. [TN: Tone reads a little like ‘ha, as if’.]

NPSS: Like, turn him into a woman or something. Or is it Wu Xie who turns into a woman?

NPSS: “Actually, I’m a flat-chested Mary Sue.” [TN: Lol, yes. They refer to Mary Sue omg.]

Interviewer: … hey now… == Speaking of Mary Sues, after Yun Cai is it Xiu Xiu? Your Majesty, you wouldn’t gift Yun Cai to Lao Meng, and Xiu Xiu to Wu Xie, right? ==

NPSS: Maybe I’ll write Lily stories. [TN: I think Lily stories refers to femslash / stories between two females.]

NPSS: Don’t underestimate my pervertedness.

Interviewer: I’ve never underestimated it… (serious)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask what Sanshu’s current weight is? Are you losing weight? Hahahah (Hands akimbo)

NPSS: Now it’s probably a little less than 200 jin. [TN: ~220 pounds.] I’m always in the middle of losing weight, but fat really likes me.

Interviewer: Your Majesty, you should continue to make effort to cosplay Pangzi.

NPSS: I think I will exceed Pangzi’s category soon, cosplay a huge monster instead.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: When will the DMBJ movie be released? Who will play Pingzi? To be honest, I don't want to watch. ==

NPSS: Probably around 2015. I don’t know. Hope it’s not [??? black people ???]. [TN: Yeah that’s what it says, but idk if it’s a reference to type of personalities or it actually is referring to skin color. Wouldn’t surprise me if it were a racist remark. China, sigh.]

Interviewer: Could it be there really will be a movie?

NPSS: Probably.

Interviewer: In America?

NPSS: I can’t say I understand / know Hollywood’s situation.

Interviewer: So it’s America… (Tears running) Too tragic!

NPSS: Hei Xiaoge [TN: Lol I think he’s saying a black young lad] is also not bad.

Interviewer: No! No! No!

NPSS: A-ning has already been designated the female lead by a foreign scriptwriter.

Interviewer: Oooh ~~~ We don’t want to see ghosts ~~~ [TN: Idk what this expression is…]

NPSS: Little D might be able to accept. [TN: Idk who Little D is… might just be a slang way of writing ‘little brother’, in which case, I still don’t know if that’s referring to himself or someone else.]

Interviewer: I guess he will squeak along with me. [TN: Again… I’m lost.] Nope cannot anymore. Next question.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Will there be romance?

NPSS: [??? Eloquent love ???] will have porn scenes.

Interviewer: … who and who?

NPSS: Not sure yet. One party should not be human.

Interviewer: Heavy tastes, Your Majesty.

NPSS: Tentacles.

Interviewer: …… Your Majesty, are you playing some XXOO games recently? [TN: I’m just gonna assume some hentai shit here.]

NPSS: Nope. Haven’t played in a long time. Got any good suggestions?

Interviewer: [??? The imperial doctor has ghost glasses ???] [TN: Guess it’s the title?] Try it (rubs hands).

NPSS: I’m currently still holding out strong.

Interviewer: Gee… what a pity.

NPSS: You can train your boyfriend.

Interviewer: He’s already very calm.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Pingzi is so good to Wu Xie, any particular reason? I mean deep underlying reason? For example, knowing the truth about Wu Xie’s life / existence or something. Or being entrusted by Wu Xie’s family or something. Or he thinks he’s brought Wu Xie harm and wants to redeem himself or something.

NPSS: Just doesn’t want to disturb.

Interviewer: Huh? What?

NPSS: Don’t want to disturb.

Interviewer: Disturb what?

NPSS: Tianzhen Wu Xie [TN: Remember, this means ‘innocent, naive, and pure’]. The prompt is very deep now. [TN: Sounds like he’s saying he’s given a deep hint now.]

Interviewer: Oh (Actually someone who doesn’t really understand). [TN: GLAD I’M NOT ALONE! IT’S NOT A TRANSLATION ISSUE!]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Are there new Lunar New Year Celebratory Extras this year? [TN: NPSS writes occasional extras, and often will publish on special occasions like Lunar New Year.]

NPSS: 2010’s publishing work was too heavy. Can’t celebrate. I even wrote the outline already.

Interviewer: That’s such a pity. What about Tibetan Sea Flower. I’m still waiting for the lama that has JQ with Lao Meng. [TN: They use the term JQ here… seems like slang for something like bromance.]

NPSS: Ah little living Buddha… probably can’t write. [TN: Yeah idk what that really means…] Due to religious issues, living Buddha’s chrysanthemum is very sensitive. Huge crawling creatures will come and bombard. [TN: IDK BUT CHRYSANTHEMUMS ARE OFTEN EUPHEMISMS FOR THE ANUS AND GAY BUTT SEX SO IDK.]

Interviewer: Hey… ==

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Qinling Sacred Tree arc was too mysterious. Will Sanshu later be connected to the Sacred Tree? If so, how will you do it? I think DMBJ is not as thrilling / exciting as before. Can you still return to that previous style?

NPSS: There are no plans at present to connect Qinling. I need to settle Meng first. The core of what’s being written is his business. The excitement of DMBJ is not found in the novel but in the heart of the reader. The reader will upgrade / improve while reading.

Interviewer: Is that so… (Eats late night food) [TN: Idk what this expression means.]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Will you still publish new books and dig new plot holes? == Besides this official vest of Nanpai Sanshu, do you have anything else? Like diving party? == [TN: Yeah idk what that means…]

NPSS: Doesn’t returning to the original style of writing offer you some thrilling / excitement? Your heart has already upgraded, it’s just that the novel is still like that.

Interviewer: Heart! ==||| [TN: Yes, this is another face lol]

NPSS: There’s still some more. Like Nangongling. [TN: Name of the interviewer, but I have no idea what this means.]

Interviewer: The watch drags me underwater. [TN: I got nothing *shrugs*.]

NPSS: Actually are we answering our own questions?

Interviewer: Haha, fun right?

NPSS: Indeed. Could it be a split personality? Never thought my hidden personality is a Fujoshi. Tragedy.

Interviewer: Hey I didn’t say my hidden personality was a perverted uncle yet. (Two bored idiots stare in silence for a few seconds) 

Interviewer: Enough. Next.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Pingzi’s age… is it ‘uncle’ or ‘grandpa’? Anyway, I know it’s not ‘brother’. [TN: They’re referring to which generation basically.]

NPSS: Taizu Grandfather [TN: Basically hella old… great-great-great-great-great-grandfather?]

Interviewer: Wow… paleontology relic?

NPSS: Age must be in the triple digits.

Interviewer: Old monster! I like it! Just afraid that next to Tianzhen, he seems younger (talking to self)

NPSS: Tianzhen is even older. Quadruple digits.

Interviewer: Really is younger? ==

NPSS: They all end up in the museum display.

Interviewer: Does it cost anything to visit? Museums are now free / open to visit.

NPSS: After hour events charge fees. There are special programs, but the TV station will not allow them to be broadcasted.

Interviewer: Strip tease / dancing?

NPSS: No. It’s the old monster [TN: Probably referring to ZQL]  performing Xiangsheng [TN: Some Chinese duo comedy schtick]. Xie Ling [TN: I think this is Wu Xie + Zhang Qiling?] social / not-famous Xiangsheng actors.

Interviewer: Looks like it will be Two-Person Turn Opera [TN: Idk if there is an English term for this… but another type of skit it seems.]

NPSS: Wear the dancing shoes. [TN: I think it’s just this?]

Interviewer: … It’s so cold… Your Majesty…

NPSS: Zhang Wenling, Wu Wenxie [TN: Lol I guess this would be their comedy stage names. It’s extra / intentionally stupid because all he did was insert ‘wen’ which means ‘literature’.]

Interviewer: Enough… Don’t worry about this anymore. I’m gonna move onto the next question.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Is Wu Xie the most tragic character in the entire novel? Is it inevitable that, between him and Pingzi, one of them will have to die in the end?

NPSS: Wu Xie’s fate as the most tragic is a set tragedy, but Lao Zhang doesn’t have it easy either.

Interviewer: And then?

NPSS: Delayed the inevitable tragedy.

Interviewer: And then they encountered tragedy together?

NPSS: Using [his] own lifetime to exchange you another decade of innocence and purity.

Interviewer: … (wailing) (too stunned) Lao Meng [??? became the Virgin Mary???] (smashes wall)

NPSS: I also want to get a cult.

Interviewer: Does Lao Meng really not have a crush on Tianzhen? It can’t continue like this. DMBJ is still a serious / proper drama after all.

NPSS: Nah. It’s serious / proper.

Interviewer: But what you said is crooked.

NPSS: Alright. Then let’s put it this way.

Interviewer: How?

NPSS: Comrade Zhang Qiling sacrificed his own time to save and prevent the disillusionment of a youth who was about to go astray. [TN: Yeah… not too sure about the implications of this.]

Interviewer: …. Your Majesty, you [??? use soulmates ???] [TN: I’m really not sure about this… context and definitions I found seems to indicate it’s a soulmate like thing, but also used kind of queerbaity?]

NPSS: I’ve been working real closely with soulmate recently.

Interviewer: We can tell. Next question. Best leave some room for free thought.

NPSS: It’d be fine if you just don’t post it.

Interviewer: This is iron proof of JQ! [TN: Again, some internet slang for bromance / malexmale CPs or something.]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Are all the incomprehensible things that happened so far man-made? Or will it be explained by the supernatural?

NPSS: There’s nothing incomprehensible.

Interviewer: Probably in reference to Qinling.

NPSS: Oh. Doesn’t that count as a spoiler?

Interviewer: … then let’s skip again. Actually, I thought you already forgot about Qinling.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: What is Pangzi’s little secret?

NPSS: Xiao Pang’s [TN: Little Fat’s] tragic past.

Interviewer: What… Pangzi is also quite tragic.

NPSS: Probably a ‘fought with his best friend over a woman and was hurt very badly’ kind of relationship.  Pangzi had a very simple but tragic love.

Interviewer: Sad…. == You really can’t tell…

NPSS: A woman he promised to take care of for a lifetime and a brother he can’t help but save.

Interviewer: Pangzi has sublimed (victory fist] [TN: I assume ‘sublime’, which literally means converting from solid directly to gas, is just representative of a massive promotion or rise into awesomeness.]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: I’m always thinking of Ershu’s mysterious air. Does he know a lot of things that others don’t? I also want to know what Wu Xie’s dad does.

NPSS: [??? Location scouting ???]

Interviewer: Ershu?

NPSS: He knows some.

Interviewer: Then what about his dad.

NPSS: Location scouting. Totally innocent. Just like Jesus’s old man.

Interviewer: What kind analogy is that… == Next.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Hey Sanshu, on Dec 9, 2009 at 02:58 in the morning I dreamt of you. Did you dream of me? …. == Your Majesty, your fans [TN: Yeah idk.]

NPSS: That night I seem to have pulled an all-nighter. I wouldn’t mind dreaming again tonight.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Will Pingzi eventually return to being a normal human? Live on from the age of 18? Has he had a lover / children before? Yun Cai? Is Pangzi the boss or the person coming to supervise the boss (Tianzhen)?

Interviewer: Lao Meng… I’ve long since been speechless towards him. By the way, was he always this kind of stone in the latrine? [TN: I guess a saying about how he’s stuffy and expressionless per usual.]

NPSS: No. It used to be really bad.

Interviewer: …How bad…

NPSS: Like a Tibetan horse. [TN: Lol this is the literal translation but when I Googled it, Kurama from Yu Yu Hakusho came up and hahaha I guess it kind of makes sense as an analogy?]

Interviewer: Your Majesty, your definition of really bad is Kurama’s level huh…= =|| So he wasn’t born latrine stone… [TN: Ok, so background on Kurama - an infamous fox demon thief escaped into the body of a newborn child because his spirit was weakened after being hunted, and so he cohabits the body with this boy… I’m not entirely sure of the reference jousting here.]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: What happens to Pangzi in the end?

NPSS: Dies of old age.

Interviewer: How mundane!

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: We want to know when DMBJ 7 will be finished?

NPSS: 3/15-20 complete.

Interviewer: (Recommends to everyone not to believe… ==)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Sanshu, will someone die at the end of DMBJ? (Alright I only care about MengMeng and Tianzhen and believe Pangzi will definitely not be killed off). Also, just how many volumes will there be?

Interviewer: How many die, I also want to know. [TN: Lol they also use the counter word not for humans, but… something else?].

NPSS: There will be someone half-dead. Because it’s a grave-robbing novel, dying completely will never happen. A-ning died and still comes around often, right? [TN: Lol I’m not entirely sure what this is in reference to… first part he’s making a joke that people can become zombies, but second part… I don’t really recall A-ning coming back? Unless he means in mentions? Then again I’m still making my way through the novels.] Just that you go from hero to villain. I still haven’t decided how many to kill off. Anyways for the last volume, with the exception of Wu Xie, [??? anyone can be killed ???].

Interviewer:  …Just kill everyone why don’t you; it’s easier. (self-destruct) ==

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: May we ask Sanshu, will Pingzi have emotional drama in the future?

NPSS: No. No time / effort for that, and communication skills are limited.

Interviewer: Ahaha….

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Normally, will Sanshu come check out our Tieba? [TN: Kind of like Chinese reddit I believe?] Do you know the Warm Fox? [TN: I did a quick search, seems like a big fandom name that interprets a lot of the DMBJ stuff.]

NPSS: Don’t know.

Interviewer: As expected…

NPSS: It’s your husband?

Interviewer: Hey don’t involve me in everything. (Flips table)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Just out of personal interest… I really want to know if Xie Lianhuan likes Wenjin?

NPSS: Uh, yes. Very much so.

Interviewer: Then what about Wu Sanxing?

NPSS: Also likes her.

Interviewer: So it turns out to be a crime of passion… (awakened)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Is Yun Cai just an inconsequential character? Those Huo family Forbidden Ladies won’t have some sort of emotional development with Pingxie, right? [TN: It does say Huo family Forbidden Ladies… I guess they might be referring to Huo Xiu Xiu, but not sure why there’s multiple. Also, recall that the Forbidden Lady is that tomb creature.]

NPSS: Huo family really did become Forbidden Lady professional household [TN: Maybe like a ‘firm’?]. Yun Cai’s ending is also quite tragic.

Interviewer: Indeed. If transmigrating, don’t transmigrate into DMBJ. [TN: Transmigrate is the common c-drama trope where someone in modern times / average suddenly wakes up in the body of some one in the past or something.] Female beings all have no good outcome.

NPSS: If you’ve already died once, then there’s no need to be afraid.

Interviewer: Oh yeah, will that pink-shirt show face again? (Xlaugh) [TN: Idk this expression, but I think pink-shirt is referring to Xiaohua.]

NPSS: Yes. [??? Young Lord of Solutions ???] Grave-Robbing Prince.

Interviewer: Ahhhhh~~great~~~ >///<~~ The Old Nine Gates [??? Admirals ???], right? … Then Xiao Hei [TN: Hei Xiazi / Hei Yanjing] also has a role?

NPSS: Yup.

Interviewer: The descendants of the Old Nine Gates [??? Admirals ???] are nine golden men? =w=

NPSS: One isn’t. 8 men. 1 woman.

Interviewer: The female is Huo family Forbidden Lady, right?

NPSS: Yup. Counting her.

Interviewer: So that means Tianzhen still has 7 in his harem… Damn, catching up to Cracked Pot’s bunch of shiny guardians. [TN: Idk what that is in reference to.]

NPSS: Cracked Pot? What’s that? [TN: Yay I’m not the only one!]

Interviewer: Cough Cough. Your Majesty, you don’t need to know.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Will Sanshu come to Nanning for an autograph session?

NPSS: Nanning? Need a Nanning bookstore to invite me.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Lao San [TN: Still referring to NPSS], from Wu Xie’s (or Pangzi’s) perspective, where does Menyouping stand? Just a ‘person who stands on our side’? [TN: Refers to when ZQL told them he was a person on their side.]

NPSS: Now it should be like a son’s role / part.

Interviewer: What? Son? ==

NPSS: A very promising son.

Interviewer: Is Wu Xie having the ‘My son has grown up’ old mother mentality?

NPSS: Not really. More like, my son has bad memory or something.

Interviewer: Wu Xie he is indeed [??? person wife ???] [TN: Uh... term used was 人\妻 which when Googled had the first link to pornhub lol. But I think the slang used is actually this.]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: In Sanshu’s day to day, how often does you use code words? Or is it scrunching your feet and thinking on it for a month or two before coming up with something? [TN: I think they’re referring to Sanshu as in NPSS and not Wu Sanxing Sanshu?]

NPSS: It’s usually simultaneously [??? buckling ???] and eating and typing.

Interviewer: Does it taste good?

NPSS: Often get stomachaches.

Interviewer: …Very toxic huh…

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Can you fill the bit plothole of Sanshu’s storytelling? Your Majesty, do you have any filled pits? == (Hides face)

NPSS: I promised my father I would fill them before he turns 70. 

NPSS: [??? New Year’s Eve pieces ???]

Interviewer: How old is his esteemed Majesty’s father?

NPSS: 60.

Interviewer: …. (speechless)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: What kind of person is Wu Xie’s mother?

NPSS: Wu Xie’s mother is probably a strong / great woman.

Interviewer: I think so too.

NPSS: Beautiful but strict and fierce, which is why Dad is rather pathetic / a good-for-nothing.

Interviewer: Queens are great. Queens usually marry good-for-nothings. [TN: The ‘queen’ here is literally ‘female king’, so more implies a female ruler.] ==

Interviewer: In the end, did Wu Xie inherit his dad’s genes?

NPSS: Wu Xie also has a very dark personality.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

NPSS: I’m nearly at my limit…

Interviewer: Same here… (sleepy)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu, if excluding psychological factors, in terms of human nature, do you think Pingxie is suitable?

NPSS: I think, the two of them together. Neither can earn money. Parents on both side would not agree.

Interviewer: Can it not be one steals and the other sells stolen goods?

NPSS: At the very least, Wu Xie needs to get admitted to a civil service position. [TN: These are stable job positions lol]

Interviewer: Looks like Lao Meng eats soft rice! [TN: A saying that refers to men who lives off of women lol. Basically that the woman supports the man instead of the expected vice versa.]

NPSS: And also will need to buy a house in Hangzhou.

Interviewer: … Too realistic… == [TN: Lol no joke this is exactly how couples get ‘permission’ to marry each other by the families… Hangzhou housing prices are not cheap either. I was born there and visit often… those prices have gone uuuuuuup.]

(And the two are dozing off)

NPSS: Let’s end it. I can’t hold on anymore.

Interviewer: Ok…

(The physically / mentally exhausted two rolled off to sleep, interview unfinished… ==)

~ End Interview

Whew that was a long ride. NPSS is such a troll lol... 😅I don’t know nearly enough Chinese slang / internet speak to parse this properly, but the general gist is there.

[goodnightyoongi]

Yoongi x fem!reader pt4

genre: hurt/comfort/smut

rating: E

word count: 4,5k

summary: In this series, Yoongi and you are childhood friends, and he’s helping you through some issues you’ve been facing lately, while your relationship slowly blossoms into something more. 

warnings: implied depression, self-critical thoughts, EXPLICIT SMUT (oral sex) in the later part of this chap. Start and finish are indicated

Can be read standalone, but is part of a chaptered series

Part I: Catalyze

Part II: Flicker

Part III: Rise

“...and yeah, that’s...why I haven’t been keeping up with my schoolwork.”

You finished the sentence with a timid glance at the curly-haired woman on the other side of the desk. Her hands were knitted on top of the table, one of her eyebrows slightly arched. You understood why. Answering the question “so what seems to be the issue here,  Miss Y/LN ?” hadn’t been easy, and you were pretty sure it hadn’t made sense, either. 

Basically, you had just stuttered some disjointed, vague gibberish about "feeling a little under the weather lately". Aka, nowhere close to the truth. And now, the anxiety was making itself known. In the form of beads of moisture running down your neck, and your hands fidgeting in your lap.

Because you didn’t want to be here. In fact you wanted to be anywhere but here.

But once again, Yoongi had showed himself perfectly able to push you into motion and help get you back on track. Using his steady, encouraging flow of reassurances, and fingers laced into yours as he pulled you with him to your final destination. And now you were here. Squirming uncomfortably in a chair in the university counselors office, and discussing why you had fallen behind on your studies, all entirely against your will if you were honest.

Your eyes wandered over the neat rows of folders on white shelves, the piles of documents on her desk, the sterile academic environment. Run, is what your brain told you. Just get up, walk out, escape this situation – but Yoongi’s hand, inconspicuously resting on your thigh, prevented it.

Because he’d insisted on coming with. And now he sat next to  you, like a parent there to discuss his child’s progression. Clad in his usual uniform, black hoodie and snapback pulled far over his forehead, all in order to avoid being recognized. It worked, and you alone had the counselors undivided attention.

“So, if I understand correctly,” she started, pushing her half-moon glasses further up her nose. “You’ve been...feeling ill? That's why you’ve been absent?”

"Uhm...kind of..."

“I see here that you have a lot of overdue assignments...and you haven't attended classes...but it would be best if you book an appointment with the university healthcare, if you have a condition that interferes with your ability to study.”

Your ears heated up as you digested this information. A tiny, sober voice within you told you yes. Do it, open mouth, voice the issue. Another, more overpowering and toxic one told you no. Repeatedly, until it was basically chanting it like a whole firing squad in your brain.

“No, no, I don’t need to. I...uh, I’ll make sure to finish all the assignments, ma'am. Just been feeling a little...unwell, but, yeah. I’m fine.”

You ignored Yoongi’s pointed glare, along with his attempts to kick you in the shin under the desk. Your counselor expressed clear puzzlement over the sudden change in your narrative.

“Oh? But didn’t you say that you’ve been feeling down and experiencing difficulty with keeping up with your studies?”

“Uh...yeah but, it was just a temporary slump,” you lied, and accompanied it with the most convincing smile you could conjure. “I really am fine, and I will catch up on it. Promise.”

“Miss Y/LN...I really do think you should go see the healthcare unit.”

“No need, I’m fine, I’m absolutely –”

“She’s depressed.”

The sharp exclamation draped itself over the three of you, and the office fell silent. You slowly turned to your left, quiet anger flaring in your gut. And Yoongi, the bastard, was wearing a polite smile and blatantly ignoring your burning looks.

The perplexed-looking lady opposite you blinked about a million times in confusion, before clearing her throat.

“Is what your friend is saying true, Miss Y/LN? You've been feeling depressed?”

Your airways were blocked, by what felt like a thick bundle of dry cotton. You didn't get a word out. Yoongi decided to just nod in affirmation on your behalf.

"Yeah, yes, she’s...been down. Not left her apartment much and just slept and not eaten and...I think she needs to see someone.”

“Oh, oh dear...well, that sounds worrying indeed." The lady turned to you with a motherly smile. "I’ll book you an appointment to the healthcare center, Miss Y/LN. They can refer you to a mental health professional if there's a need for that...hold on a moment...”

She started tapping something on her computer, while she kept talking, but you didn’t focus on it much. You were forced to just listen and accept the documents shoved into your hands, with the appointment date and other information. Forced to nod affirmatively when she announced it would be next week.

Not like you were about to go. No way.

Once you were dismissed, you were fuming. You stormed out and over the university grounds, leaving Yoongi and the repeated stream of requests to slow down behind you.

“Y/N, fucking wait – jesus, can you wait!?"

He finally caught you, but you ripped your arm from his grip instantly, backing further away while spitting furious words in his face.

“No, I can’t! Why the hell did you have to tell her that, Yoongi?! You had no right to tell her I’m…”

You came to a screeching halt just as you were about to say it, and gathered yourself. Yoongi regarded you from a distance, his eyes like dark, tranquil oceans as usual.

Always so understanding, always compassionate. Even now when you wanted none of it.

“I’m not depressed. Everything is fine with me.”

You said it with steadfast conviction. Maybe, if you said it enough times, it would become true.

The wind rustled the leaves in the trees around you. It was actually a beautiful day. The warm rays of sunshine heated your back up, and Yoongi’s sympathetic smile was securely in place as always.

“Y/N...I had to. If you get to decide yourself you just dodge your issues and pretend they don't exist for all eternity. I can’t just stand by and witness it anymore, okay? Please just trust me. Everything isn’t fine with you.”

“Yeah it is,” you interjected stubbornly. You shook your head, shook it until nausea hit you and you just stumbled uselessly when trying to vocalize what you felt.

“It is, and I don’t want to go...it makes me feel sick. I don’t want to talk about it...I don’t want to be the person who has something wrong with them, Yoongi...I want to be normal.”

Your voice was suddenly saturated with hysteria and tears, and Yoongi was on you in an instant. Picking you up, just like he always did, collecting the pieces and patching you up again. You sobbed into his hoodie, and asked him, over and over again, why it was so hard.

“It’ll get easier,” Yoongi promised. He hugged you as you cried, while a warm breeze blew past and gently ruffled your hair and dried your cheeks. “It will. But not until you face it, hun.”

During the next few days, you spent a lot of time hunched over your laptop. Slogging your way through email after email, and doing your best to figure out exactly how far behind you were in your studies. 

Really damn far turned out to be the answer.

You did his best to fix that, finishing up half-written essays and projects collecting dust on your hard drive until you were close to crying from the effort. All of this happened while Yoongi sat next to you, peering over your shoulder and making sure the process was moving forward. But it left you exhausted, and the list of assignments was mile-long.

“I’ll never have energy to finish all this...might as well drop out,” you whined, face buried in your hands, multiple times when it all felt too overwhelming. But Yoongi wasn't about to just accept that. Of course he wasn't.

“Nope, you sure as hell won’t,” was his stern reply to that. He was like an impenetrable wall you couldn't bulldoze your way through, and so you remained in front of the laptop, while his hawk eyes made sure your attention stayed on the screen.

Annoying. It was, but you had to admit it was effective. After many cups of espresso and bordering-on-meltdowns the list gradually shortened, and you were left slightly less stressed. But you’d transformed into a wet rag at the end of it, a wet rag that Yoongi transported to the couch and kissed and hugged and showered with compliments about how you were doing so well.

And it felt good, admittedly. Even though he must be lying through his teeth. His arms wrapped around you also felt great, and his gentle kisses made you all tingly – but that was the problem. He was too gentle. Too soft, like you were some kind of fragile flower to be handled with care.

Yet another week had passed since your almost-steamy-encounter on Yoongi’s couch. Another week’s worth of wet daydreams, of imagining the two of you in scenarios that stretched so much further than just kissing. Another week’s worth of not daring to make the first move.

Because without alcohol flowing through you, you remained much too shy and insecure, even though he was your boyfriend now.

The desire you felt for him made your blood pump faster, made your lower regions heat up. Every time Yoongi held you, every time he sat next to you with his elbows leaning on the table. Because you just wanted so badly for those veiny hands to undress you. To wrap around you. To travel further down and envelop you, all of you.

But at the same time, you were scared when imagining it.

Maybe Yoongi’s vision of you wouldn’t match the reality, the you hidden underneath the oversized sweaters and baggy sweatpants you’d worn for the past week. Maybe he would just see what you saw in the mirror. 

Someone a little too gray and washed out, who didn’t get nearly enough sun and who lacked that rosy, healthy glow on their cheeks.

Maybe Yoongi’s feelings would even cool once he saw your body. Despite all the things he’d said for the past weeks about how you were gorgeous and beautiful and perfect. 

The thought brought you close to tears.

You just felt like an illusion, about to crumble anytime now.

All of this messed things up, and soon you found yourself in bed. At 5PM on a Saturday evening. And all of Yoongi’s messages sat in your phone, unread and ignored since a good 24 hours.

You were pushing him away again, and it was just a matter of time until the doorbell would ring.

It did, like an ominous church bell ordering you to return to the land of the living. And you dragged yourself over the same damn floor, towards the same damn door, mentally preparing for yet another lecture by the same person you’d let down, again.

“Hey there, bun,” Yoongi greeted casually, leaning against the wall in the corridor when the door slid open. “What’s up? Ignoring my messages again?”

“Yes,” you confirmed dully. Unnecessary to pretend otherwise, and you were aware how wantonly snappy you sounded. Yoongi took absolutely zero notice of it. He looked stunning as ever, the dark hair slightly tousled by the wind and hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans.

Hands that still hadn’t touched you where you wanted them to and when would they?

You slammed the door with unnecessary force after Yoongi strode past you, causing him to turn around in surprise.

“Woah? Easy with that. Bad mood huh? Look kinda rough.”

“Yeah. I always look kinda rough, if you haven't noticed.”

“Hold it right there. Don’t twist it into something it’s not. I just meant you look a little tired.”

He gave you a sharp glance, a warning that clearly told you "don't even try to argue". You yielded, heaving unhappily. 

“I’m sorry. I just...I wasn’t feeling well, and everything just felt shit, and...I couldn’t get out of it”

“Uhuh...that’s...kinda why you need some help, sweetie.”

“I don’t need help.”

You tried, but it was weak at this point. Yoongi closed in on you, raising a hand to cradle your cheek and sneaking the other one around the small of your back.

“Sorry to slap you with uncomfortable truths, but...yeah, you do. And I understand that your mood shifts and you want to be alone sometimes...but please don’t ignore my texts. You're making me sick with worry when you don't answer. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Alright, baby. So did you shower today?”

“No.”

“Eat?”

“No.”

“Y/N...that’s no good." He trapped you in a kiss, before separating you and giving you another look that left no room for arguing. "Come on. Go get showered or changed and whatever you need and let’s head to the shop.”

You huffed, turned and stomped off to your bedroom without a word.

Getting changed and going outdoors didn’t feel tempting at all. You dug through your closet, but once again there was nothing of use, because once again you'd failed to do the laundry. Because you’d been nestled in bed instead. And crawling into it again felt like a splendid idea now.

"How's it going over here?"

Yoongi had made an appearance in the doorway. He raised a critical eyebrow, skeptically eyeing the pajama shorts and coffee-stained t-shirt you were still wearing. You just stared blankly ahead, cross legged on the bed and not about to move another inch if you could avoid it.

"Badly. Have nothing to wear and I'm hideous."

You knew how that sounded, oh you knew. But you could do absolutely zilch to prevent it. Yoongi closed the distance between you, his gaze oddly dark, like a looming thunderstorm.

"Stop saying those things about yourself."

You bounced up, gurgling with unidentified frustration you just couldn’t seem to kick.

"No. Because it's true."

“It's really not. I understand it feels true to you. But you’re stuck with these ideas about yourself, because you’re seeing everything through a skewed lens. That makes you overly critical of yourself. Understand, baby?”

“Nope. You’re fucking wrong.”

Yoongi's finger on your mouth silenced you. He was right in front of you now, and he leaned in until his lips brushed over your ear.

"You're not hideous. Get that through your thick skull."

And then he pulled back, and kissed you. And it wasn't gentle. In fact it was everything but gentle. It was demanding, his tongue finding its way into your mouth and his fingers weaving themselves into your hair and his nails scraping over your scalp.

When you finally parted, your body was already in overdrive, your pulse crashing through your veins and your lower regions practically on fire and thumping almost painfully.

"Think it's about time I touched you, huh,” Yoongi pondered, eyes half-lidded and with his finger pressed down on your lower lip.

You just swallowed, whining something that sounded like "uhuh" in response. Yoongi's hands were all over you in an instant. He swung you around with your back facing him, and moved your hair out of the way so he could press feather light kisses down the junction of your neck. You were lost, to the unexpected shivers worming all over your skin, lost until you heard a request that made your knees weak.

"Is it okay if I take off your clothes?"

"Ye– yeah," you managed, without really thinking. There was just a split second of self-consciousness, and then your shirt was pulled over your head, your shorts hiked down – and you were bare, save for your underwear. You went rigid for a second, shielding yourself, but Yoongi untangled you quickly.

"Nah, none of that. Don’t do that. Let me see you."

He looped his own arms around your waist, and sprinkled kisses all over your exposed skin – your shoulders, your jawline, everywhere he could reach. And then, he spun both of you around. Facing the full length mirror, the one you’d been about to throw out so many times now.

"Look at yourself."

You looked. And looked away the next second. You saw yourself, the body you hadn’t studied for a while. You saw your skin illuminated by the lamplight, showing every little imperfection in unforgiving technicolor. And you saw Yoongi's toned arms blanketing you.

"Yeah, I'm looking. What's there to see? I'm, just...whatever. Just...meh."

"No. Not meh. Everything but meh. Stubborn, a little bratty, but definitely not meh."

He forked fingers into your hair, yanking you back to stress the fact.

"Or ugly. Or useless Or anything negative you want to imagine. I know you don’t see it yourself, but trust me, then. Can you do that?"

“Maybe.”

^^^^^^^^

You couldn’t, still – but you were coming undone, basically unable to speak, unable to do anything but succumb to Yoongi's voice and touch and tongue leaving goosebumps all over your skin. 

Your breaths picked up as he unhooked your bra, sliding it off and throwing it to the side. You let out a pitchy whimper and dropped your gaze as he cupped your breasts. One by one, gently caressing them and rolling the pink buds between his fingers.

“Beautiful. Beautiful and mine,” he whispered into your hair.

He kept one hand loosely around your throat, while the other traveled down your spine – down, down down and all the way down. There, he gathered one of your asscheeks into his hand, squeezing possessively and pressing his own, very blatant boner against your ass.

“This too,” he purred cheekily, a little louder, and slapped it once, very lightly. 

And you choked.

Well, nearly. Choked on the feeling of the pulsating, warm and very real body pushed up against you. It infused you with a craving that practically hurt, and you gasped in surprise when Yoongi’s hand snaked its way to your front, sliding down to part your thighs. He nibbled on your neck, while his fingers found your clit, lightly brushing over it and drawing moan after bated moan from you.

"You're hot, okay. I love your face, I love your body, I love your personality, you’re gorgeous and don't ever doubt that." Yoongi murmured, while stroking you through your underwear and holding you steady with his free hand. "I've wanted to fuck you for ages."

Oh shit. Okay. All you could do was whimper needily in response. The sinful confessions into your ear made your head spin violently – and that voice. Surely couldn’t belong to Yoongi – it was too husky, just oozing dominance – but it did. It did and it seeped right into every corner of you, into every cell of your body all the way into your fingertips and not least, your crotch.

And you felt like you might suffocate from the pressure. From Yoongi's fingers rubbing teasing circles all over you, his breath hot and wet against the nape of your neck.

"I want to see you too,” you whined, wrenching yourself loose and pawing desperately at his t-shirt.

"Sure thing, baby.”

You held your breath while his clothes were discarded. Shirt, jeans, briefs, and then he stood there, stripped in front of you. Not just a smudgy almost-Yoongi in one of your vivid dreams, but the real Yoongi. With a heinous twinkle playing in his mischievous eyes, his posture self-assured and his dick half-hard and smooth and...actually a little menacingly thick in girth.

You swallowed down the nervously flapping butterflies, and stepped forward, tentatively running hands all down his pale chest and around his back and his ass and absolutely everywhere.

You’d imagined this man naked so many times. All throughout your adolescence, and now that it finally happened, it felt like some trippy dream.

"God, you’re fucking...beautiful, Yoongi.”

"Says you.”

He grabbed you, kissing you and pressing the two of you together, with his hands firmly on your ass. And you heated up to scorching temperatures, while your brain was filled with only one thought.

“I want you.”

“Want you too. But we’re taking it slow.”

You grumbled, but he just briefly let his finger travel into your mouth, and smirked in response when you sucked on it like it was a lollipop. Then, you were hauled up and lowered onto the bed on your back, and turned into a shivering, whimpering wreck of a person. Yoongi kissed you, pushing his tongue in to drag it over the roof of your mouth, and continuing down your torso, your chest, your tummy until you shivered pleasantly underneath him. 

He mumbled little words of praise at you while he went, and your breath came out shorter and shorter the further down he traveled. Soon he had to tell you to remember to even breathe.

“Relax. You’re so pretty, been wanting you for so long.”

He parted your legs gently, wrapping his hand around your thigh and sucking teasing love bites into the sensitive skin until you were almost crying from the sensation.

“Want me to touch you, baby? Can I take these off?”

You curled your spine against the sheets, desperate for him to just do it already. “Yeah – yeah. Please.” 

"Good. Cause I'm really dying to."

Your panties slid off, finally, and Yoongi crawled between your legs, blinking up at you, dark eyes clouded with lust and tousled bangs falling into his forehead.  All of you was practically vibrating, filled with electricity sprouting underneath the tips of his fingers as he rested one hand on your tummy and settled the other one between your legs.

“Look at you...already so wet for me.” He spread you with a thumb, sliding it between your lips, and you whined in response. Not like he was wrong. You’d basically been soaking wet since that first kiss. “So pretty. I want to make you feel good, hun. Can I eat you out? Do you want that?”

You nodded frantically. You could feel your release literally around the corner, and whatever Yoongi was about to do to you would lure it out at record speed. He offered you one of his gummy grins, gripping your thighs with both hands for leverage and pushed his pink tongue out, dragging it all over your clit and making you cringe against the sheets. 

“God – Yoongi, holy shit-”

“You taste good. Fucking sexy as hell.”

You didn’t care about restraining yourself anymore. You allowed yourself to moan unabashedly while he sucked on your clit, and tantalized you by pushing his tongue into you and pulling it out the next second.

You hadn't been touched for so long, you hadn't come for so long . An eternity. And now you watched, eyes feverish, as Yoongi turned you into a slobbering mess in minutes. Your orgasm was close, and Yoongi must have felt it, because he quickly pulled back, lips glistening and cheeks flushed. 

Next you felt his fingers teasing your entrance, and he threw you a quick, questioning glance and asked, voice hushed and dripping with lust, if it was okay. You hurried to nod again, crying out when he pushed a finger into you, slowly gliding over your walls and filling you up, while his thumb rubbed against your clit. Settling on his knees, he threw one of your legs up and squeezed your thigh as he started finger-fucking you, slowly but surely.

You couldn’t help but wonder, amidst all the hazy pleasure, how the hell he was that skilled with his hands.

Probably because he was experienced. You knew he’d had kind-of-girlfriends, but maybe he'd even had multiple partners. That thought made you irrationally jealous, once again, and also worried you’d appear like a rookie in comparison.

But those thoughts were quickly washed away, for now, as Yoongi hit the spot again, and a pitchy whimper escaped you, echoing through the whole bedroom.

“You’re tight,” he hummed, gaze heavy on you. “How’s that? Feels good?”

“Y– yeah...feels great…”

Your neck cringed, your hands gripping the sheets as he picked up the pace, before adding a second finger. Soon he had two of them knuckle-deep in you, fucking you while working your clit while you squirmed against him to create even more friction. You watched him, his lustful dark eyes plastered on you, the veins in his arms tensing as he brought you closer and closer. 

"Yoongi...I'm gonna...c-come...if you keep doing that–"

"Well that's the goal, right? You're moaning so prettily, turning me wild," Yoongi teased, leaning forward. He positioned himself half-laying on top of you, so he was able to reach your quivering lips while his fingers slid in and out of you.

He kissed you hungrily, and you could feel his cock poking you in the side. You glanced down. There it was, all stiff and veiny and fully erect and – damn.

Yoongi wanted to fuck you with that.

You pictured it, and then you were done for.

"Coming?"

"Uhuh..."

"Go on, baby girl.”

Well. That did it. You shuddered your way through your release, spasming against Yoongi’s fingers and crying out a lewd and elongated “fuck” as you came. You faintly heard Yoongi mumbling something as you rode it out, and then you collapsed into the mattress. Completely drained, and with your chest heaving and droplets of sweat running down your neck.

^^^^^^^^

Yoongi pressed a chaste kiss to your lips, and withdrew his hand. "You okay, pumpkin?"

You nodded wordlessly, slow waves of pleasure still rippling through you. Yoongi sneaked an arm around your shoulder, pulling you against himself and squeezing you tightly. 

"See why I wanted to take it slow now? Yikes...you look like you just finished a marathon. Didn't take you very long.”

He nuzzled into your hair, and you weren’t even able to provide anything coherent in response yet. Soon he announced he was taking you to shower, and before you could protest you’d been scooped up and carried off, bridal-style.

The shower was turned on, and you were dazed when jostled into position underneath the spray of water. It splashed down between the two of you, heating you up as you rested your head against Yoongi’s chest, just enjoying the warmth and being so close to him for now. 

He pushed strands of soaked hair out of your forehead, and propped you up more securely when you were in danger of sagging to the floor. "Are you alright, sweetness?”

“Yeah...sorry, it’s been a while since I, uh…was...touched...”

You quietened, bashfully pushing your nose against his chest again to avoid meeting his eyes. He gave a little chuckle, and ran his hands all over your back in reassuring circles. 

“Yeah, I figured. That’s okay. Just take it easy, baby. I’ll take care of you, don't worry.”

Yoongi gathered you into his arms, and your throbbing muscles were soothed by the flow of hot water. But you also felt a rigid boner poking your thigh, still. Belonging to him. 

You peeked down at it. It was a little intimidating, but you were also eager to return the favor. Even though your tummy turned into slush at the thought of doing something wrong.

You swallowed down a lump, and Yoongi noticed your hesitance. 

“Y/N. Just relax.”

"You're still hard though, I can –"

"Yeah, duh, I'm hard,” Yoongi chuckled, and pressed a tender kiss to your lips to shut you up. “...cause that was hot,” he added, and your cheeks instantly turned tomato-red.

"But we got all the time in the world. I can wait. You're the most important, bun."

"Fine, ugh...okay."

You burrowed into his chest, letting out a soft moan when he squeezed some shampoo out and started massaging it into your scalp. Yep. You could definitely see yourself getting used to this.

[glittercracker]

Kingkiller Crap

So, I’ve never really posted much here that involves my own thoughts. There are a number of reasons why, but whatever. I feel the need NOW to post some thoughts, and having no working independent blog (yet!) I suppose this is the place to dump them. PSA: none of this is about anime. None of this is frivolous or fun. TW for sexual abuse. You have been warned! So. I’ve been rereading the Kingkiller Chronicles. aka “Name of the Wind” and “The Wise Man’s Fear” and “That Other One That Shall Not Be Named.” This reread was, at the beginning, almost an afterthought. A way to keep my 13 yo happy on a 7 hour car ride. Except, he could not have cared less, and I got sucked back into the story (and okay, if that is how all our audiobook car rides go, meh? At least it keeps me sharp!) I raced through book one, and bought book 2 on audible with an eye to my upcoming surgery and recooperation. Book one was problematic in the places I remembered, but also as generally engaging as I remembered. And then book 2 happened, and surgery happened, and I have had weeks to lie in bed listening to this bloody interminable sequel, and I find myself lost in a morass of, “WTF was I ever THINKING?” Namely, how did I ever love this book enough to pine for the next? It’s been hard to put a finger on exactly what is making this time through book 2 both a slog and also vaguely, creepily uncomfortable, but if you’re interested, my rather stream-of-consciousness ramble of thoughts ensues. First, the male gaze that rears its head at times in book 1 predominates here. But while I don’t love the way Kvothe describes women, I also have 2 degrees in literature, and I’m beyond that being a reason not to read an otherwise engaging book. Second, Kvothe is a Gary Stu, for all of Rothfuss’s protestations to the contrary. Again, so far, so much traditional high fantasy. But while, say, Aragorn is content to just quietly be Awesome At Everything, Kvothe is a braggy little shit of a Gary Stu: the person you hated for announcing their perfect scores in that hs class you could never quite master. I could fill several pages with examples, but for some reason what really made me want to kick him in the head was not Felurian’s disbelief of his virginity (though really, jfc, REALLY?) Nope, it was the end of his time w the Ademrae (sp may be off, remember, I’m listening not reading!) when he crows about having learned the history of his sword 2 days earlier than expected. Why does this stick out? Oh, idk. Maybe bc he sucks so hard he can’t even get past the first obstacle in his practical final exam? Yet he still has to tell us how fucking awesome he is for remembering 6000 names of previous owners.

I know, I’m supposed to forgive his teenage idiocy. The internet sympathists (no pun intended!) keep telling me this. And I suppose that I would, IF this were a simple first-person narrative - but it isn’t. Let’s repeat that, and really think about it. This story is being narrated by an older and presumably wiser Kvothe who has lost everything - whose abilities have been expunged to the extent that he can’t open his own chest of Cool Stuff. He shows humility in his actions, mostly. And yet when discussing his 16 yo self, the humility evaporates, and he speaks with no kind of perspective or lens of accrued wisdom. He still compares women to instruments waiting for the “right” player (i.e. him) and defends this choice of words by saying, essentially, “You aren’t a musician, you don’t know!”

Interesting assumption for an innkeeper in a medieval-esque world. Interesting assumption if this is in fact authorial interjection, too, because I suspect the majority of this book’s audience *are* musicians to at least an extent, and I also suspect that the majority of us (yes, us - I own several beloved instruments, including a harp custom made for me as a wedding present from my husband) would not equate a human lover to even the most beloved of instruments.

But all of this is well-trodden critical ground. As far as I can tell, though, my third issue isn’t: although it’s perhaps the most glaringly tone-deaf example of all of Rothfuss’s excruciatingly tone-deaf portrayal of his world’s women. Namely, the two girls kidnapped and gang-raped by the fake Ruh.

Almost all of the criticism I’ve read on this section of TWMF concentrates on Kvothe’s treatment of the girls’ abusers. What’s interesting is that no one ever seems to write about Kvothe’s treatment of the girls themselves. Yes, he treats them kindly. He tends their wounds, he feeds them, he tries (and succeeds, of course) to draw Ellie out of her shocked stupor. 

Yet what he never once does, from the moment he takes control of the situation, is ask their opinions on any of this, including what their next step should be. He just decides to bring them back to their families - families who, in this type of society, might well disown them for being “ruined”. And the girls themselves, namely the intelligent and savvy Krin, seem to go blindly along with what he says. Why? Would Krin at least not question this, or object to his making decisions for her, when a group of men had so recently and brutally taken away all of her agency? Would she not question whether being brought back to her family is the best thing for the catatonic Ellie?

Okay, apparently not. So they return to their apparently very forgiving town. Kvothe stands up for the girls against the village shithead: thank you, Kvothe, bc I’m sure Krin could not have said those words herself. He assures the reader that they are with people who will love and care for them despite what has happened to them: thank you, Kvothe, though it’s stretching my credulity a bit that you would assume that no one will take issue with their deflowering. But then he “gifts” the girls the spoils of his slaughter: the horses, the valuables, the wagons. And I was about to give him a (grudging) pass for being decent about this, EXCEPT: he goes on to say that these goods are meant for the girls’ dowries. Specifically, to make them worth enough financially for potential husbands to overlook their loss of virginity. He even tells Krin not to settle for a less-than-lucrative marriage.

And suddenly, I was outraged. Why? Because a man who had witnessed the full extend of these women’s abuse brought them back to a backwater town believing that he was being magnanimous both in doing so, and in giving up whatever share he might have taken of the spoils of the debacle to make them financially lucrative marriage prospects. Because he never asked these traumatized girls if they might rather cut and run with the money than use it to make some man overlook their abuse in order to make them his property. He never even questions the idea that they will be grateful to submit to marriage contracts that will no doubt require them to have sex with their husbands, even though these women have been abused to the extent that they cannot sit a horse for *two days* after being rescued. And the worst part is that 20-something frame-story Kvothe doesn’t question this either; he just goes on to gloat about people singing songs about his daring rescue. Maybe I was just ready for a straw to break my benefit of the doubt. Or maybe this really is as outrageous as it feels. Either way, I can’t help being angry at Rothfuss. As a writer, I am very well aware that character and author are not the same thing; that authorial intent is not the same as authorial beliefs. But there are moments in some books when I have to wonder if that line is blurring, and this is one of them. Kvothe has literally JUST left a female-dominated country full of independent women happily doing their own thing. He has given these girls the means to find themselves a situation that will never require them to be beholden to a man again - even houses ffs, in the shape of those 2 wagons, should they want them. There are so many options beyond marriage: I can’t, for instance, think of a medieval society that didn’t have its version of a convent. Or, for Krin at least, why not the University? For that matter, why not marry her himself, and then set her free to do as she likes under the awning of a respectable marriage? 

Instead he returns them to their fathers, and likewise gives their fathers the means to marry them off with no argument. Who, after all, holds the reins of the horses at the end? Why does Kvothe assume that these families will actually use the wealth even in the dubious way that he recommends?

And in this, I think, I am justified in giving Rothfuss the stink-eye. This is one more instance for Kvothe to play the hero with no real attention given to the consequences. Kvothe himself, I think, would be appalled. He has suffered so much deprivation in his life, so often been marginalized, scapegoated, powerless, how on earth could he so easily consign others to that fate? How could he think, loving Denna as he does, having heard her words to the beaten girl in Severin, that buying these girls husbands who will “overlook” their abuse for the sake of wealth is anything but a wretched life sentence for them?

Sigh. There was a time when I desperate awaited book three. Now, given the other women’s lives at stake in this series, I’m not so sure I want to know.

[sleepless-stories]

Limitations AU |Meetings and a Meeting (end)

Summary: Roman, Virgil, Janus, Patton all go to a meeting of some sort of therapy group and become friends and play games. 

Warnings: None

Note please know that research was done for this series and people with some disabilities used did help with the ideas. if you find something wrong with this series please DM me

________________

Logan sat on Roman’s bed listening to him work and reading a book. Paper cutting, the occasional typing of a keyboard, fabric rustling, and quiet music from Roman’s playlist, which was primarily Disney and Musicals, playing. Roman cut the paper and glued it together, creating a paper puppet of a dragon. He was planning on doing another film with Logan soon. Though they were just relaxing and hanging out right now, planning a bit of the film occasionally.

 The door suddenly opened and Remus popped in, “H-hey bro, ready? Ready to go y-yet?” Roman looked over tilting his head slightly, he didn’t remember having to go anywhere. He didn’t believe he had any plans. Remus noticed Roman’s confusion and him getting lost in thought and laughed a bit, “For-forget al-already?” he laughed a bit, “It’s that st-tupid group therapy thing. I don’t… I don’t see why Mom signed you, you up for it.” Logan glanced over, “Group therapy?” “Yeah Nerd, Thera-py. It’s pro-bably just, just an excuse for Roman to, to get out of the ho-house and make Fr-friends.” Remus shrugged, today seemed to be a good day for him. Sometimes he had bad days and good days regarding his stutter. On bad days he felt like he couldn’t form a sentence without messing up almost every word. But today was alright. Logan nodded, “Could you drive me home after you drive him there?” “Why?” Remus asked. “Well, I walked here with Roman. I didn’t drive today at all, my parents needed the car.” Remus nodded, “Fine I, I’ll drive you.” Logan nodded looking back at his book before noticing the lights flickering. He lowered it looking over at Roman who was standing by the light switch. Roman smiled when Remus and Logan looked at him, ‘Thank you.’ he signed, ‘When do we have to get going?’ Remus watched then checked his phone looking at the time, “Now.” Roman rolled his eyes with an exasperated look as he went over looking in his mirror making sure he looked presentable, aka no glue or paper on him. Then he grabbed his jacket. Logan sat up stuffing his book in his bag before getting off of Roman’s bed and following the two out of the room and to the car. Near the front door he grabbed his jacket and shoes, putting them on, before they all left the house. Remus got into the car starting it up and turning on the radio, before he started driving to the address. It was across town and seemed to be at some community center, it was a place where people could rent rooms like office spaces or meeting rooms for any sort of thing they needed it for. Roman plugged his phone into the car and took over the music, starting to play his playlist some more throughout the ride. Logan just went back to reading his book for awhile till he lost interest. It wasn’t that the book wasn’t interesting or good, it really was a great book. But he just felt a bit bored of it currently and couldn’t read any more of it, that and he had been rereading the same paragraph for a while now and barely taking in what the words said. So he just sat back looking out the window as they drove through town. ____________

Virgil saw the flyer on the counter, group therapy. He knew his parents didn’t think much of him, but group therapy? For someone as anxious as him, that idea was shit. Why send someone who has an anxiety disorder to therapy with other random people they don’t know. Virgil stared at the paper, he had already determined that it would be the worst 3 hours of his life. But… it did mean he would be out of the house and away from his parents for 3 hours on the weekend. So… brightside. Virgil dropped the paper on the counter again before going back to his room. He was actually surprised about one thing though, his parents in question… weren’t actually home currently, which was shocking. His parents had a bad habit of being overbearing and over protective, or just fancy way of saying they were controlling. Virgil constantly was yelled at when he wanted to just go out of the house for a walk, saying how he couldn’t, he would get hurt, he’s too disabled to be on his own. Which was a really shitty excuse for their controlling nature. Virgil sat down on his bed and checked his phone, it was Saturday late afternoon, the group wasn’t for a few more hours, and his parent’s weren’t currently home. Virgil powered off his phone then put on his shoes and jacket before walking out of the house and down the street. He walked down the street not too far from the park in their neighborhood and went to a house. Most of the house was brand new, newly rebuilt, due to the fire a couple months ago. Virgil got to the door and knocked before standing there and waiting. Janus heard knocks at the door and stood up walking to the door. His bedroom was on the first floor right off of their living room. He walked out of his room to the front door. Thomas lifted his head up looking at Janus from where he was laying on Janus’ bed. He watched Janus walk out of the room before stretching and getting up following. Janus heard Thomas following and pulled a treat out of his pocket and gave it to the dog. He went over and opened up the door, “Virgil.” he asked as he opened the door. Virgil saw the door open and watched Janus’ lips, “Yeah.” he replied. Janus heard then smiled recognizing Virgil’s voice. “Come in, We’ll sit on the couch.” he said, still facing Virgil before turning and walking over to the couch and sitting. Virgil nodded, “Ok.” he followed. Virgil shut the door behind himself then went over and sat on the back of the couch before pulling out his phone and typing. “Apparently I have to go to stupid therapy.” the tts said. Janus heard and laughed turning in Virgil’s direction, “Wow, your parents are letting you out of the house?” “Yeah, surprising right?” “Oh absolutely, though I too have to go to some therapy group… My parents have been concerned since the fire.” “Yeah” Virgil nodded. Janus went silent and just leaned back, “You could hang out here for awhile.” Virgil nodded, “Thanks.” he put his phone away and leaned back relaxing. Virgil stayed for only an hour before he walked back home glad his parents were still out. He just went to his room and relaxed closing his eyes and napping for the time being until his parents were back and drove him to the stupid meeting. _____

Patton was in the living room sitting on the couch watching some show, his cat was laying in his lap demanding attention while he was adding more stickers to the side of his wheelchair. “Patton? We should get going so you’re not late.” his mother said walking into the room. Patton looked up, “Oh ok… why do I have to go?” “Because, it’ll be good, you’ll have fun.” Patton sighed and pulled himself off the couch and into the wheelchair. His cat got off his lap and looked at Patton betrayed. Patton wheeled himself to the door and put on his jacket before he went out of the house with his mom. He was helped into the car and sat there looking out the window. It wasn’t the first time he had to go to therapy through the years. He sighed watching as they went to the meeting. __________

Roman walked into the meeting, Remus and Logan decided to follow him in to make sure he got to the right place. Roman looked and saw a door with a cartoon of some guy and a speech bubble saying come right in. Under the character there was information saying what the meeting was. Roman opened the door walking inside the room. Inside the room there was a guy wearing a sweater, a pink tie, and some jeans was setting up the room. He turned when he heard the door open, “Oh! Hello! I’m Emile.” He smiled and signed as he spoke, “Welcome, are you three here for the meeting?” Remus threw his arm over Roman’s shoulders, “N-nope, just, just bringing my ner-nerd bro here.” He replied then pushed Roman forward. Roman stumbled forward then glared at Remus before smiling at Emile and waving. Remus looked at Logan, “Let’s go. See, see ya later bro.” Remus walked out of the room leaving and going back to his car. Logan waved bye to Roman before following Remus out and to his car. Roman sat down in a chair.

Only after 5 minutes three people came into the room, one in a wheelchair. A woman pushed the wheelchair inside, “Hello! This is Patton.” she said and brought the kid in the chair over to the sitting area. Patton smiled, “Hello.” he greeted. The third person went to the back of the room, he was carrying a fold up table with him and put it down setting it up. Emile walked over to the guy and talked with him. The woman, Patton’s mom, waved goodbye and left. She paused at the door holding it open for two guys and a dog before she walked out leaving. Patton lifted himself out of his chair and sat down on the couch next to Roman, “Hi! Roman smiled and waved slightly back. The two guys walked over and sat on the couch opposite to Roman and Patton. Emile smiled and walked back over, “Hello, shall we begin?” he asked, making sure to sign along with what he said. He smiled and looked at Patton, “Why don’t you go first then we’ll go around the room.” Patton nodded grinning, “I’m Patton! Nice to meet you all!” Roman nodded and looked at Emile, “I’m Roman.” Emile repeated, translating for Roman. He then looked at the other two. “I’m Virgil.” Virgil signed then elbowed Janus next to him after he watched Emile repeat him. Janus sighed, “I’m Janus, this is Thomas my eyes. No you can’t pet him.” Janus greeted. Emile nodded, “Alright! Nice to meet you all. I’m Doctor Emile Picani!” He grinned then motioned for someone to come over. The guy from earlier walked over to them. “Hey.” he smiled pushing his sunglasses off and to the top of his head. “I’m Remy. I’m catering basically. So… there’s food over there.” He nodded smiling then stepped back going back over to the area he set up. Everyone waved at him before looking at Emile. Emile smiled, “We’re mostly going to play some games, and talk a bit.” Emile said and nodded grabbing a few things before starting. Roman and Virgil got grouped up and Janus and Patton got grouped up. Originally Emile had paired Virgil and Patton and Janus and Roman… it didn’t work too well, Patton was excited and spoke too fast for Virgil to understand him, then Roman had difficulties communicating with Janus. The games went well.

Near the end of the meeting they went over and ate snacks. Roman laughed softly watching Remy failing at flirting up Emile who didn’t even realize. He was pretty sure Remy volunteered to cater to flirt with Emile. They all hung out, talking and eating. Remus came into the room to pick up Roman and smiled, “Hey Bro!” He said and walked over. He grabbed some food and ate Roman waved at Remus. Remy glanced over, “I see you have a twin, that’s cool. Hey, what do you think of the food?” Remus looked up, “It’s good, have you ever tried adding peppers and pineapple to cookies?” Remy Paused, “Nope, do you have any other ideas?” Remus went over to him telling him a bunch of other ideas he thought of. Remy took notes. Before leaving Patton, Roman, Janus, and Virgil exchanged numbers finding each other fun. Everyone was taken home, it was almost dark out by now while they all went home. Roman ended up texting Logan about the meeting telling him how they mostly played games and he was excited to go again. Logan was glad he had fun at the meeting.

_________________________ General Tag List @crazy-multifandomfangirl @aceawkwardunicorn​ @mistythegenderqueermess

[paperclipninja]

Lucifer post-ep ramble 5x01

Hi there, long time fangirl, first time Lucifan. After devouring all 4.5 seasons of this magnificent show in an impressive/alarming (all a matter of perspective) amount of time, I have very quickly found myself well and truly obsessed dedicated to all things Lucifer. And when a show grabs me like this one has, I tend to have a lot of thoughts and feelings that I can’t help but share, and so the post-ep ramble was born. It will probably contain many words, it may or may not be particularly coherent, there will definitely be over-analysing, but I thought I might indulge in re-capping the season 5 eps as I re-watch, so this is the first ramble off the rank. 

‘Really Sad Devil Guy’ (A+ ep name btw) kicks off as we’re still scrambling to pick up all our heart pieces after the season 4 finale, which is why Mr. Said Out Bitch (aka Lee Garner) being in Hell is such a cracker of an opening. Lucifer just waiting below deck on Fishizzle II (wth happened to Fishizzle I??) to greet him with his trademark ‘hello’ made me disproportionately happy, mostly because he was on my screen but also because his encounters with Mr. SOB are always great and this was no exception. Getting an insight into ‘life in Hell’, the way the characters in the Hell loops are played by Demons and Lucifer in action as the King was fab at this point in the series. And does anyone else have a visceral reaction to Lucifer stopping that bullet? I know it’s brief, I cannot explain it, it might be the command he has, the fact it’s awesome, but it makes me FEEL things. Just me? Cool.

I think what really strikes me in the way Lucifer just has to pop in on Mr. SOB upon hearing of his arrival, is the fact that he is a link to Lucifer’s life on Earth. They’ve existed in the same places there, breathed the same air, it’s a way for Lucifer to make that connection to his home more tangible. And when he realises where Mr. SOB’s hell loop has them moored, at Marina Del Ray, the way Lucifer says 'Los Angeles' with such yearning makes those heart pieces I had started cobbling back together really begin to ache. What this episode pulls off so brilliantly is the way Chloe and Lucifer remain connected despite being apart, and it’s all set up when Lucifer tells Mr. SOB, ‘You know, there's a good chance I know who's on your case. To them it's only been a few months, a blink of an eye, but here it's been much much longer’.

What’s happening ‘below deck’ in Hell (sorry...or am I?) is of course mirrored at the crime scene, where Maze is still calling Ella Ellen (never change Maze ILY) and Ella is banging on about Lucifer not responding to her DM’s and texts and it’s all so on brand and the thought of her sending Lucifer a clip of a parrot dancing to techno and him finding it funny is just too perf. Maze having Chloe’s back from the get-go and telling Ella to ‘read the room’ just shows how far this Demon has come. And of course Chloe saying that she hasn’t even really thought about Lucifer since he left...(spoiler alert: she has).

Seeing Maze and Chloe out drinking and dancing, somehow they're kinda dorky together and I love it, but it’s also really clear that they’re both leaning on each other pretty heavily and being there for one another and honestly, I love literally every combination of characters on Lucifer, you put any two together and the dynamic is 100% their own and these two are up there. It’s so weird seeing Amandiel running Lux, I big L LOVE Amenadiel but it’s just...wrong. Plus hats off to D.B. because his delivery of ‘No one sells drugs in my place...without me getting a piece of the action’, not gonna lie, I was THROWN.

So are we assuming that the number of months Lucifer has been gone = the number of times Chloe has rocked up to work with a hangover? Lol at the sunglasses but also, you do you Chloe, whatever you gotta do babe. Just like Amenadiel running Lux is like watching a slightly off AU version of the show, so is seeing Maze and Chloe as partners at work. Don’t get me wrong, Maze clearly supporting her and when they’re interrogating a lead, seeing Chloe and Maze have such a groove that they’re finishing each other's sentences and communicating without talking, I dig it. But I love that while it’s great, it still doesn’t feel right. Because that there is why this show is so clever, as an audience we crave the return to the way things were just as the characters we are watching do.

Linda being a completely OTT mum is so fab. I could write an entire essay about my Linda love. Her adamance that ‘Charlie’s special’ and Ella’s ‘every child is special in their mum’s eyes, huh?’ sums it up perfectly. Did I mention I adore Ella? I definitely get the distinct impression Ella is doing a bit of self-reflection, her comment about being drawn to the bad boys for some reason clearly foreshadowing, but also her reflecting that she deserves a good guy for once (just not this ep when there is a bad boy/potential suspect to be hooked up with). I am curious to see the ‘darkness’ Ella has alluded to in earlier seasons being explored further and feel like this is sowing the seeds and I’m also waiting for a significant Linda/Ella D&M at some point. But clearly not this point, because 'science lesson Wednesdays...I checked your schedule and that's your day off' Linda is NOT about deep and meaningfuls (or anyone who isn’t a 2 month old baby), you need to DIAL IT DOWN friend.  I love that it takes Trixie pulling some funny faces and Dan offering some sage parenting advice as he returns the self-help books (love the irony there) for Linda to begin to chill a bit.          

So Dan has gone all new age with his oils and self improvement and you know what? I love it. And then of course we have Amenadiel needing to help make the world a safer place, he just needs to make sure for Charlie ya know and ugh my ovaries. I must say, I was relieved to realise that the club life had not in fact corrupted the delightful warrior we all love after all - it’s all a ploy to catch a REAL BIG TIME drug dealer (nooooo I can feel the second hand embarrassment already...)! Amenadiel setting up the ‘drug bust’, telling the dealer, ‘looks like gooood drugs’, oh you dear sweet naïve Angel you. We of course discover that the bust is, well, a bust, because the ‘drug lord’ is actually a kid trying to offload his mum’s pain meds *insert facepalm emoii here*. But rather than ridicule or be angry, Dan is so understanding and supportive of Amenadiel and once again offers up advice and I really am so into this friendship on every level and the care and openness it models.

Meanwhile, the genius parallel between what is happening on Earth and in Hell really takes effect as Chloe and Maze go undercover (I mean, they are a glam couple lbh) to the poker game while Lucifer is at a game hosted by the same suspect in Mr. SOB’s ‘exquisite’ Hell loop. His exclamation that it’s exquisite reflects that Lucifer and Mr. SOB are not that different, that it’s the kind of place Lucifer might manifest as well, but I also feel that Lucifer could be admiring his own Kingdom’s handiwork at creating LA with such accuracy from someone’s subconscious. He allows himself to be absorbed in it, ‘City of Angels, I’ve missed you’, and I can’t help but get the impression that hearing Lucifer call LA this for the first time is confirmation that his Heaven, or place of Angels, is in fact there with Chloe.

Chloe remains firmly in the forefront of Lucifer’s mind this entire episode, with him asking ‘what would she do?’ and wanting to replicate the life he had with her at the precinct. But of course he is soon reminded of his reality, as he tries to get more information from Mr. SOB who is being useless. Lucifer incorrectly calling him ’Detective’ shatters the illusion that he is any closer to Chloe, and this is impressively emphasised as he erases the LA cityscape to reveal the Hellscape. For a moment he’d let himself believe he was back there. Back home. His, ‘you’re not her’ making some of my heart pieces fall out once again.

But then the messenger arrives, ‘Lord Morningstar, there’s someone you should meet’ and lo and behold it’s guy who just got hit by car up on the Earth-side of this investigation and I.am. loving. it. Also, did Lucifer put out a Hell-wide memo that if ANYONE arrives from LA they are to be bought to him so he can send messages to Chloe through their bodies??? NO REALLY I'M FINE. Having a Demon possess the dead dude’s body to pass on the tip from Lucifer was just TOO MUCH. His, ‘hey is that Mazikeen?’ made me actually lol but also, look how far we’ve come! Chloe doesn’t even flinch when the dead guy wakes up possessed to pass on Lucifer’s message. I’m so proud. 

'It's safe where you stored it' caused me way more amusement than was perhaps intended, but Ella, Maze and Chloe together, trying to figure out what it meant, it's such a great moment and the comedic timing is gold. Also, the fact it actually helps the case, ugh, Chloe and Lucifer are still connected and working together even though they are not on the same plane of existence and I’m just going to need to curl up for a minute because feelings.

You know who else is having a lot of feelings in this ep? The Devil himself. After he is satisfied he has passed on the message, he’s done with Mr. SOB, sending him, ‘back to your torture. And me to mine’. Any remnants of my heart are now once again shattered all over the floor in case you’re wondering. Lucifer doesn’t even try to hide the fact that being away from Chloe is so painful, almost revealing more than he ever usually would when Mr. SOB asks if she’s ‘somebody important?' to which he replies, 'more than you could ever know'. 

He only just stops himself before telling Mr. SOB her name, when he realises he's trying to manipulate him. And I'm so glad, Lucifer so sparingly uses Chloe’s name, it's always significant when he does and I feel like he reserves those moments for only between them. But Mr. SOB really does sum it up when he observes, ‘you just seem like a really sad Devil guy’, BECAUSE HE IS A REALLY SAD DEVIL GUY (can we just take a moment to appreciate how not at all scared of Lucifer Mr. SOB is, he doesn’t even refer to him as THE Devil, just ‘Devil guy’. It’s kind of nice that he sees and accepts him as both Devil and human without really questioning it). 

The parallel continues as Chloe and Lucifer are talking to a sister and brother  and the way this highlights the place they're both in. It's just brilliant writing and execution. Chloe is talking to Meg about her brother’s death and both her and Lucifer's yearning for one another is palpable. At the same time, Maze telling Chloe that they don’t need Lucifer and kissing Chloe highlights Maze’s desire for connection and love. She wants it so badly and the way she shuts down when Chloe suggests they stop working together breaks my heart.

When Lucifer takes Mr. SOB to the root of his Hell loop, yes, it’s about Lucifer projecting his own guilt and lack of self worth onto him, but his assertion that, 'it is inevitable sooner or later you're going to disappoint them all over again. So you'd rather stay away for all eternity’, really feels as though it carries multiple meanings. As a self-referential comment, is Lucifer talking about Heaven or Earth? Is it his fear of disappointing and letting down Chloe and the other humans or is it his belief that he disappointed his family? And if Angels self-actualise does that mean he was never 'stuck' in Hell at all and could have returned to Heaven? I certainly feel there is some sort of realisation occurring here. Or could be completely over-analysing it. Why not have both 🤷‍♀️

You know the line that just up and got me though? ‘Whose hell is this anyway? Are you sure this is my hell? You just here torturing yourself’- Mr. SOB calling Lucifer out is A MOMENT. And I can’t help but wonder if a part of it is Lucifer wanting Mr. SOB to come to terms with his own guilt, wanting to help him because he knows he’s not evil and he is trying to reconcile his own guilt too. If he can help Mr. SOB face and let go of the guilt then he has a chance of it too. And that’s when Mr. SOB challenges Lucifer, pointing out that he missed his chance, ‘but what about you?’ 'The self-centred simplicity of you humans never ceases to amaze me...I am here out of responsibility, I had to protect humanity, I had to protect HER', the delivery of this line, the frustration of being misunderstood, of ppl thinking that he acts for himself when his very reason for being back in Hell is for others, I can feel it through the screen.

The dead guy we saw get shot in the kitchen appearing at that moment with news about ‘the Detective’ and then cutting straight back to the shoot up in the house, file under: how to brilliantly edit. “Lucifer” appearing; the whistle, the casually strolling in, the ‘hello bad guys’ = I was FOOLED. I mean you have to admit, the ‘thought I'd give you a hand' pun was well played, classic Lucifer, very convincing.  My shipper heart was SO FULL for the split second Lucifer and the Detective kissed, until Chloe realised that something was off and her open eyes told us something was up. The cut back to Hell and seeing Lucifer still standing there with Mr. SOB...you may have heard my ‘noooooooo’ from wherever you are. ‘She’ll be just fine without me’...said every Devil who has a dick twin brother who’s going to try and destroy, nay STEAL, his life and love of his life ever.

Michael, you're an evil bastard but damn you nailed that villainous smirk over-the-shoulder pose in the final shot. Whatever you have in store, I will no doubt revel in your awfulness and be confused about whether or not I hate you. 

[iheardarumorxxx]

Midnight Sun, Chapter Ten - Theory

Alright, time to jump back in. Took a couple of days off, refreshed my brain, now I think I can handle more of this asshole.

instead of answering my demand

See that? See how Eddie just goes ahead and tells us that he’s being a demanding little shithead? More shades of that controlling tendency that he has all throughout the series, outright stated. This is literally the first sentence of the chapter, and he’s not even pretending to be subtle about it.

describe it so that she would understand.

Yes, because ‘I can read minds, but only if they’re relatively nearby, and it gets easier to pick out voices as I become familiar with them’ isn’t clear in the slightest. See that, Eddie? I just explained for you with 23 words, instead of going off on some dumbass tangent metaphorthat takes up an entire paragraph  like you do here because you think that the human mind is so small and weak that it can’t possibly comprehend cut and dry explanations.

The fact that Eddie thinks he needs to explain things in analogy for Bella because she won’t get it if he doesn’t really goes against this supposed idea he has about her being smarter and so above the other pitiful hooman folk. Either she’s too human to understand like everyone else, or she’s smarter and more rational and would get it without the metaphor. Pick one, Eddie.

I will say, one thing that I took from the Twilight series that still sticks with me is the phrase ‘Holy crow’. I do, in fact, use it unironically. It’s absolutely stupid, but I like the way it flows off the tongue.

Anyway, Bella just shouted it because Eddie is bending the car to his vampire physics again and going 100MPH, which, I would like to point out, she would have absolutely realized before now if she wasn’t so blatantly unobservent. She would have felt it, it wouldn’t have taken looking at the spedomoter to realize it.

“We’re not going to crash.”

Eddie is absolutely certain of this fact, and I am too only because SM would never let anything like that happen to her little woobie vampire and her SI Mary Sue. However, let’s apply real world logic to this for a sec. Just a sec because this story can’t handle real world logic for too long, but. They are presumably on a highway, going 100MPH at let’s say 930 to 10ish PM. I’ve never lived in Washington, but I’m going to make the presumption that there probably isn’t too much traffic this late, though, perhaps a bit more if it’s a Friday or Saturday night. Perhaps Eddie can keep perfect control of his own car, even going that fast, while most likely paying little to no attention to the road because he is constantly looking over at Bella in the passenger seat. He has his mind-reading power, which he probably uses to help him drive, and maybe there isn’t another car directly behind him based on how fast he’s going. 

He’s still not taking the other drivers on the road into account. What if the car in front of you that you are rapidly coming up on because you’re going so fast sees a turtle or a deer or some other kind of animal in the road and swerves to avoid it. Since this is real world logic, even if you see it coming with your mind reading power, you can’t make your car stop on a dime going 100MPH. You’re going to crash, and since you are going so fast, it’s gonna be a pretty nasty one. Your vampire body can handle that, because you’re a marble adonis god, but Bella over there is squishy and human. You slam those breaks, seatbelt aside, she’s gonna end up through the windshield or strangled to death by that seatbelt. 

He’s assuming that his vampire magic strength and perfectness is gonna be enough to protect him from literally everything. It will, because this book is not realistic in the slightest, but he’s still a dick for not taking into account the other drivers on the road. And not taking into account the fact that Bella is clearly upset and terrified that he’s going so fast.

Two and a half paragraph rant over one line. Check.

Bella spills about how Jacob told her the old story about the Cullens being sparkley, evil vampires who aren’t allowed at La Push because the wolves will eat them. And I have to say, because this story is the entire basis for Bella knowing that Eddie and his ilk are vamps, how the hell does it take her so long to figure out that Jacob is a werewolf in New Moon? Like, I know it’s because she’s stupid, but since she’s supposed to be wise beyond her years and smart and shit, why did it not click that both sides of the story must be true.

Rant for a different book, but.

I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter a small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined. Ephraim and his pack of protectors were long dead.

This is it. This is the line I’ve been waiting for. I knew it was coming and it STILL pisses me off so damn much reading it. Do you see that? Do you see it? Eddie is talking about straight up genocide. He is literally talking about killing hundreds of people just because some teenage kid told an old folktale to a girl he thinks is cute to try and impress her. I would like to remind you of that line that Alice said earlier: “It helps if you think of them as people.” IT HELPS IF YOU THINK OF THEM AS PEOPLE, EDWARD!!! These people have done literally nothing to you! If you wanted to go, say, beat up Jacob Black for spilling your secret, that’s one thing (A terrible thing that is bullshit, even if Jacob gets a jerkass makeover in a few months) but you are literally la de fucking da over the idea of going down to the reservation and murdering every man, woman, and child there because of some bullshit technicality broken treaty. HOW THE FUCK DOES ANYONE THINK THIS GUY IS THE HERO? HOW DOES ANYTHING SEE HIM AS A GOOD LOVE INTEREST? HOW IS HE A PROTAGONIST? HE’S A FUCKING MURDERER, PLAIN AND SIMPLE SPELLED OUT RIGHT THE FUCK THERE! It was spelled out pretty damn well in that first classroom scene, but here we are reinforcing it, and this is the guy that SM said she was willing to leave her husband for. THIS GUY. 

I hate it. I hate him. I’m not a happy camper.

And I’m gonna move on before I burst a blood vessel from how mad it makes me.

Bella goes on to tell Eddie that she flirted the story out of Jacob, and that she doesn’t care. He replies with “HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE! I’M A MONSTAH!” and she just shrugs and pops her gum. Eddie is just absolutely shocked by this because how could she not care? He even wonders if there’s something wrong with her. The answer is yes, she’s clearly a hybristophile, but that’s beside the point. 

The ‘how old are you’ ‘17′ ‘how long have you been 17′ ‘a while’ exchange is actually kind of cute, on it’s own. Had it been in a better book, it might have made me smile a little. But in Twilight it just felt like forced comedy, and here with Eddie being all Emo about being a monstah and also being condescending and clearly angry about Bella knowing his secret, it comes off a lot darker in tone. It could have come off as a playful exchange between people getting to know one another, and instead, it’s a darker tone and it’s almost uncomfortable. The movie had this problem, too, where they made it all dark and angsty instead of just being a cute little exchange that it should have been.

“I can’t sleep.”

This is more of that thrown away world building that SM does. First it was the Vampires never Change thing and now the can’t sleep thing. It could have been so fascinating to explore what not being able to sleep does to the psyche of these Pires. How different vampires get used to that sensation over different periods of time. Did it unsettle Eddie at first when he was turned and just couldn’t sleep anymore? Was Jasper already a night owl who barely slept, so it wasn’t much of a change for him anyway? What do they do to fill their time? If their hobbies and interests never change, it seems like they wouldn’t be using all that newly acquired time to learn new skills and hobbies, even if that particular ‘never change’ plot point isn’t explored either and never actually seems relevant to them. Has a Pire ever tried to sleep anyway? Just lay down and closed their eyes and waited for eight hours to pass, hoping they would drift off? This is interesting lore. It’s something that could have given depth to the vampires instead of being a throwaway plot point so Eddie could watch Bella sleep at night. I’m disappointed. I want a good idea to actually be used well.

Edward calls Bella observant and to that I can only say ‘Ha.’ 

Eddie finally realizes that Bella has the hots for him too and it’s so UWU and trite, but he has to go and bring up that stupid Hades and Persephone metaphor again and piss me off in the process.

The get to Bella’s house and take forever with their goodbyes, and right at the end Eddie goes on about how he’s got this new hunger in him just looking at Bella and feeling how warm she is and shit and it’s just him being horny again, but nothing happens and Bella heads inside. But don’t worry, Eddie assures us that he’ll be in his usual perch in the rocking chair later that night to stalk her and watch her sleep, so everything is well.

She couldn’t love me the way I loved her

GET IT? BECAUSE VAMPIRES ARE BETTER THAN YOU(tm) AT EVERYTHING INCLUDING HOW HARD THEY LOVE? Seriously, so damn sick of this idea that the vampires in this universe just do everything and see everything and smell everything and feel everything just so much more intensely than the pitiful hoomans. I still have a rant about it. It’s still coming. Don’t worry.

A casual throwaway mention of the Voltouri here, AKA the vampire Mafia that make and enforce the rules. They don’t actually matter or have any real power in this series, and they suck, but nice little nod to the audience as a reminder that there is supposed to be a governing body in the vampire world.

Carlisie and Eddie boy are off to take care of the rapist who almost got Bella, and the entire fucking drive, Carlisle is just sitting there thinking about how wonderful Eddie is and how he deserves happiness and it’s such bullshit for him to be thinking that way when he KNOWS that Eddie can read his thoughts. He’s literally just showering him in compliments for the sake of it just so that Eddie can hear them and puff up his ego. I don’t buy that it’s just passive thoughts. He wants Eddie to hear them.

We all know who Carlisle and Esme’s favorite child is.

We end the chapter with Eddie going back to Bella’s house to watch her sleep, deciding to take it upon himself to wander around her house uninvited, and the rambling on about how Bella clearly doesn’t have a guardian angel because she crossed his path and no guardian angel would allow that. Then he makes some crack about being her guardian vampire, talks about how, oh, it’s actually a good thing that he took it upon himself to break into her house to watch her sleep because he got her another blanket because she seemed cold, and smiles to himself when she mumbles his name in her sleep. 

That’s it, chapter done, I’m tired. I’m gonna try to crank out another one (maybe two) tonight, but no promises because this one really took a lot out of me. These characters just suck. Anyway, as always, feel free to message me or DM me to talk about the book, recommend future projects, etc. And you can always buy me a snack using the CashApp tag in my bio. Until next chapter, good damn bye.

[mikenewtonhateblog]

My oc’s aka too long of a gd post

The “BL” Crew (does not stand for boys love I’m just a moron who made that abbreviation before knowing what it stands for). My main crew and main series, a lot is a big WIP right now as I’m slowly redoing the first book and all the lore. Why? I love torture. Book is fantasy type but I won’t specify what.

Lacie, the protagonist. God tier idiot, bisexual bipolar depressed MESS, insomniac, former theater kid, doesn’t know what she wants out of life but currently it is not This(plot of book). Hot headed, impulsive, crude, rude, Mommy IssuesTM, would rather be taking a nap right now, rules are made to be broken, absolutely fucking FERAL, more bags under her eyes than the airport lost and found. 5’5, 130lbs, Aries, age 18, white as shit like literally the whitest human you have ever seen, strawberry blonde hair in a 2011 Hayley Willaims haircut with long bangs, the darkest brown eyes you’ve ever seen that stare directly into your soul. Lanky, no curves, body of a 12 year old boy but works out so she can and will kick your ass and thats a threat. Not human?

Josh. Soft boy, smart, Lacie’s cousin and only friend for like the first 18 years of her life, autistic anxious mess who’s special interest is anchient egyptian history, is in honors classes, despises math, passes out when his girlfriend looks too cute, just needs a hug. Can eat a whole carton of easy mac if left alone, whole wardobe is the same outfit just different colors/hoodies, sensory issues, seriously can someone give this guy a hug. 5’9, 150lbs, Pisces, age 18, mixed (half whatever flavor of white Lacie’s family is [they don’t even know its just some scandanavian shit and irish], and half mexican on his mom’s side), medium olive skin with freckles and moles, dark chocolate brown hair that’s a bit of a 2009 Beiber cut, warm brown eyes, not beefy, a lil thicc and self concious about it but squishy boys are GOOD. Gets bit by a werewolf so now he is one his mood on it is “thats a lot to unpack but let’s just throw the whole suitcase away”.

Zander. There is not one braincell in this man, himbo KING, pansexual dumbass with undiagnosed ADHD, no impulse control, head empty and full at the same time, PTSD, his fashion sense should be an actual crime, gets in fights to feel something, basic requirements for him to be attracted to you: kick his ass. Drinks his respect women juice, sees a folding table and must immediately launch himself on it, chaotic, cannot drive a car and will not, food aggression and eats enough for 3 people but never gains weight which is ILLEGAL, him and Lacie may be a couple.....but in this house we stan slow burn, he talks in caps and every sentence either ends with a question mark or exclaimation point, likes romcoms. 6’2, 190lbs, Sagittarius, age 19, austrailian roots and has the accent but is from [REDACTED FOR STORY REASONS], white, dorito shaped with long legs, blueish black hair that’s long and messy, dark navy eyes that match his hair, bigass neck scar from [REDACTED]. Not human

Peter. Gay dad friend who is TIRED of having to be in charge of a bunch of teenagers, only one with full functioning braincells, lowkey a genius who loves engineering, mixes magical technology with human technology because he likes to play god, is he ever sober? No one knows, will kill for a bottle of single malt, his fashion sense? Tastefully expensive suits perfectly tailored. Likes building his own weapons that no one else knows how to even use, generally non-threatening but can get scary if needed. 6’4, 140lbs string bean man, Scorpio, age 179 but looks early 30s, I know I said Lacie is the whitest human but he’s even paler like a literal sheet of paper with scandanavian roots/ancestors were vikings or some shit, blonde hair styled like 2013 Brendon Urie lmfao, light crystal blue eyes. He’s a vampire and was born one.

Danielle. Tiny, sweet, queen of girls supporting girls, comments on all her friends instagram posts with 20 emojis, LOVES fashion and has a wardrobe that would make anyone jealous, oozes feminine energy, only child and parents are in love still, gets exactly 8 hours of sleep each night and wakes up looking like a disney princess. Just because she is small and cute doesn’t mean you should underestimate her she WILL fuck your shit up. Quiet when angey which is terrifying. Josh is her bf and she loves him so much but also loves teashing the shit out of him. Legally cannot cuss, polite, used her high heels as a weapon once, speaks like 5 languages because studying them is her hobby, gardens, hugs everyone. 5’0, 110, Taurus, age 18, mixed (half french-american, half Korean-american), glowy skin always, PETITE frame aka the friend everyone can pick up when they hug, long past her waist curly brown hair, bright green eyes. She’s not fully human as she has fae blood in her and this gives her the ability to talk to and control plants. Flower crowns for everyone

Becca. Theater kid who would die to sing in Wicked and has the vocal range to do so, cannot wait to graduate and go to her dream college which she got into and a scholarship, closeted lesbian bc her whole giant family is extremely catholic and she feels like not dealing with it, “no boys allowed in bedroom” rule is her favorite joke, chill, middle child of 5 siblings and just wants some peace and quiet for ONCE. Her fashion sense is “I’m dropping subtle hints I’m gay but only to other gays”, has a black belt and took self defense classes. 5’6, 145lbs, Virgo, age 18, Latina (cuban and mexican mix), darker brown skin with light freckles over her nose, athletic build, eyebrows on POINT, bright caramel eyes, short light brown hair cut in a bob, has a tiny nose stud, always wears a blue friendship bracelet her gf made her. Human

Anika. Calling her a bitch/slut is a compliment, bisexual, a bit of a mean girl but she grows out of it give her time!!! Is always Too Much, the horny friend, favorite color is red so thats almost all of her outfits, loves to show off her body as much as she can because she’s hot and knows it and thrives in her own confidence. Her mom is literally like Regina George’s mom from Mean Girls but married a rich man 20 years older than her, Anika doesn’t know her bio dad but thats fine neither does her mom and her step dad is nice and does his best to be a dad. Becca’s gf, always hanging out at her home so Becca can get some quiet because Anika’s an only child and has a pool. 5’9, 135lbs, Gemini, age 18, white, long layered dark reddish brown hair, teal-blue eyes, swimmers body type (I normally do not mention bust size but she would want the internet to know she was blessed with big bahoogles so there you go), can sprint in heels. Half mermaid (boy was that a surprise considering her mom doesn’t know who her father is LOL)

Rex. Nb uses they/them he/him pronouns but honestly will respond to any, goth lite, only attracted to men and ace, can read minds so knows all your secrets, mischevious little shit, great friends with Zander and enjoys his dumbass thoughts and that he’s basically a human version of Jackass, wears too many rings, goth boots for kicking and fashion babey, always has the freshest memes and will not hesitate to roast in the group chat, hangs with the girls most of the time. Chaos god who loves making art, be gay do crime, skateboard and spraypaint. 5’8”, 165lbs, Leo, age 18, Native American, masculine frame, dark brown skin, blue eyes, firetruck red shoulder length hair that’s usually in a ponytail, knock-off gucci sunglasses just for judging their friends. Has magic in their blood so not entirely human and can cast spells and shit (don’t roast me its a wip and I’m doing my research)

Sam. Boho goddess, aromantic, makeup and nails are always instagram worthy, quiet and stoic type but losens up around close friends, Rex is her best friend, has some trauma and doesn’t want to talk about it, emotionally numbed out a bit and wants to purely vibe. Has seen some of the worst parts of humanity and wishes she hadn’t, finds no point in being bitter or resentful though because that won’t change anything, loves cats and once she moves out shes adopting one or three. Has wine aunt energy. 5’4, 200lbs PLUS SIZE QUEEN, Scorpio, age 18, Filipino (her parents are immigrants fun fact!), really olive skin sometimes has a grey/green tinge to it, dark brown almost black shoulder length hair, gold-hazel eyes. Sam’s the victim of a family curse that requires her to consume human hearts to survive, she can transform into a pretty scary looking being and uses this curse to hunt down pedoph*les, r*pists, murderers, and abusers. The less often she feeds the less human she looks, hence the constant grey/green tinge to her skin. 

Andy. Baby of the group, must be protected at all costs, 100% didn’t sign up to be in a friendgroup of 90% monsters but highkey loves it, trans, bi, anxiety MAXED, just wants to draw comics and cosplay spiderman, has to babysit his two younger sisters a lot because his parents are....not great, and as a result now knows all the lines to Tangled and The Little Mermaid. Big nerd energy, has to draw on everything including homework, gets inspiration for comics from his friends, awkward and socially anxious, drinks way too much tea and will accidentally steal your pens. Fears include: crowds, thunder, tall angry men, tiny spaces. Just trying his best. 5’2, 100lbs BEANPOLE BOY, Leo, age 16, white (irish and scottish roots), freckles absolutely EVERYWHERE, orangey red hair thats in desperate need of a haircut, chocolate brown eyes, braces, chronic nail biter. Human and kinda wishes he wasn’t.

That’s it for now if you read all this bless u thank u here is my whole heart. Please no discourse, literally these are fictional people I’ll never publish the books they go to.

[the-forest-library]

Make yourselves forget that the plague is a bitch BOOK edition

I was tagged by the superb @bvkspine - anything for you!

what's the most recent book that you've read and absolutely fell in love with? I have two. I recently read the sequel to A Curse for Dark & Lonely, A Heart So Fierce & Broken, and loved it even more than the first book. The story, scope, and characters expanded in great ways. The other is Hollow Kingdom, which @lilymaidofgallifrey recommended to me, for which I am forever grateful. It’s the story of a pandemic told from the point of view of the animals left behind with a hilarious crow as a main character. 

do you keep track of how many books you're reading every month? Yes. I’ve keep a reading journal for years and years, and this year I started tracking my reads in Goodreads, too. 

what's your stance on the debate as to whether or not we should dissociate the artist from their art (artist = writer in this case)? I really struggle with this when the author has done something truly objectionable (racist, abusive, etc). I find it harder to deal with for artists that are still alive. There is less struggle for those that have been dead for a long time. I don’t want to partake in art when it has that background, and I for sure do not want the artist to profit off of me.

what do you do when you can't focus on a book? I read before bed every night and I have trouble falling asleep if I don’t read, so if I’m not feeling it, I try to power through at least until I am tired enough to fall asleep.

do you pay attention to the gender/ethnicity/race/sexuality of the authors you're reading, aka do you actively try to read books written by diverse writers? I have paid more attention to this over the last few years. In particular, once I started reading more books written by women, especially fantasy reads, I have been so much happier. Overall, there is generally less sexism, racism, misogyny, and rape, which has done wonders for my mental health.

paperback or hardcover? why? Either is fine. If I own a series, I’d just like all of the books to match. 

which language would you like to learn just to be able to read its untranslated literature? Latin. I took two years in high school and really loved it. It would be nice to read ancient texts. 

pick up the book that is closest to you. convince me to read it in less than 10 sentences. I recently read the first three books in the Tiffany Aching series (Discworld), which were also my first Terry Pratchett reads. The series follows a young witch learning her way in the world, and they don’t scream, “I WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN!”

Tagging (no pressure, just fun!): @all-these-paperback-dreams, @aliteraryprincess, @brightbeautifulthings, @lizziethereader, @coffeebooksorme

[prettywordsyouleft]

Back To You // AIRFORCE7

Summary: When Mark approached you that fateful evening, it was because of a bet. However, the events that followed were because you had changed him.

Pairing: Mark Tuan x reader (ft. AIRFORCE7 aka GOT7)

Genre: 1940s era / pilot au / romance / fluff

Warnings: Due to the era it’s set in, this will contain minor war conflict in some of the stories. I will not be making the war-zone my main focus in this series however. 

A/N: Welcome to the first story in my AIRFORCE7 series! Today we’re starting with Mark and I really hope you like his introduction into this world.

Word count: 4884

This series will continue every Thursday until completed at 10am NZST. 

“You want me to do what?” Mark echoed, his drink not quite reaching his mouth. Placing it down and glancing at the two men sitting around the table with him, he grinned. “Are we only in the air force to exude our status on women?”

“Of course we are, ladies love a man in uniform,” BamBam enthused, nudging Mark beside him playfully. “We don’t come out to these events just to socialise with each other. We can do that during the day.”

“Don’t you want to have the joy of coming home to a waiting wife one day?” Jackson inquired and Mark looked at the fellow comrade, letting a small smile twist up his lips. His friend grinned. “You do! How are you going to find her then if your head is too busy up in the clouds?”

“We’re not really at the point in our careers to be looking for marriage just yet,” Mark mentioned, though his eyes did flitter around the club, watching a couple nearby slow dancing intimately. He finally took a sip of his drink, shaking his head softly. “We need to focus on training.”

“That’s during the day,” BamBam reiterated, rolling his eyes a little. “You’re one of the best pilots we have on our team anyway. Lieutenant Im is always praising you in training sessions.”

“That I am,” their leader’s voice suddenly entered the conversation, his warm smile greeting them all. He sat down in the empty chair with his drink and glanced around at the men. “What are we trying to convince Tuan of?”

“I propose a bet.”

Mark eyed Jackson carefully before shaking his head. “I’m not making a wager with you.”

“Why, don’t you like playing games?”

Jaebum grinned. “Don’t you all know, Tuan here is one of the gamers we have. Last year, he took on the entire cadet team in sports day and won against them all. You two transferred to our squadron afterwards and missed out on seeing him in all his glory. He’s really competitive.”

“I’m aware of how competitive he can be,” BamBam mentioned softly, his eyes darting away when Mark looked at him. Mark took another sip of his drink, smirking when he remembered the shrill of BamBam’s voice in his headset the other day when training together. However, BamBam nudged Mark again. “You should take Jackson up on his offer.”

Jackson smiled smugly. “You really should, but I doubt you’ll win this one.”

“Is that right?” Mark rebutted casually, a surge of curiosity taking control of his limbs. He stretched his hands in preparation, looking across the dance hall towards the billiards table and dart board. He was ready to play a game if Jackson really wanted to.

“Not that kind of game, soldier,” Jackson mused, pointing to the mass of people around them instead. “I bet you couldn’t secure yourself a date tonight.”

“Is that it?” Jaebum sighed, losing interest in Jackson’s attempts for entertainment. “Mark could get a date easily. It’s not just the men here who want the company of a lady. A lot of the people who come to these nights out are hoping to socialise with each other if you get what I mean.”

“I know that,” Jackson quipped, his grin drawing their leader back in. “I wasn’t meaning that he gets to choose who. We choose the lady; he has to secure the date.”

“What’s in it for me?”

BamBam started giggling. “Probably a good end to the night?”

Mark rolled his eyes as both BamBam and Jackson both fell into boyish fits of laughter, and he glanced helplessly over at Jaebum who merely shrugged. The leader then looked around the room, surveying the crowds for something. Mark gasped. “You better not assist in this, Im Jaebum.”

“Why not?”

“Lead us to someone good!” Jackson encouraged, his own dark gaze following Jaebum’s around the hall.

“I never agreed to this. And you still haven’t told me what the prize is.” Jackson slapped some money down on the table, and the three men all leaned in to see how much was there. Mark snapped his focus up to his friend incredulously. “You’re kidding!”

“You can thank me by making me your best man at your wedding.”

“You can’t turn this opportunity down,” Jaebum insisted, fisting the money and holding it up in Mark’s face. “You’re saving for that old house you liked not far from the base. You need to win this bet and then you’ll be able to reach that goal this year!”

“Don’t be so sure,” BamBam breathed, placing a hand on Mark’s shoulder. He laughed when his friend shrugged the hand off. “We know how good Mark is in the cockpit of a plane, but can he control that coc-”

“Are you going to put money in too?” Mark intervened and the younger man blinked, swallowing back the remainder of his sentence. “I’ll prove to you that it’s not just you and Jackson who can do well with ladies. Pick your girl, I’ll make it happen.”

Cheers sounded around the table and Mark folded his arms over his chest, feeling his heart beat faster. He wasn’t sure if it was from the surge of needing to prove them wrong or because he was concerned he’d talked himself up too much. Sure, he wasn’t incapable of getting the attention of the opposite sex. Jaebum was right, he had, when he wanted to, found a way to end up under the sheets with any woman he set his attention on. But that was from his own choosing. He didn’t really need to work hard with any of those girls, his charming smile was generally enough to lure them in.

This time though, it wasn’t to his own devices. He knew Jackson would choose someone Mark wouldn’t initially set his eyes upon. Jackson soon pointed to someone across the room. “What about her?”

“Are you blind, can’t you see the ring on her finger?” their leader said with a snort, cocking his head to the side and shooting Jackson a bored look. “Are you just going to throw your money away? Make it interesting, Wang.”

“Do we be mean? Choose someone really out of Mark’s tastes?” BamBam teased and Mark merely sat there, focusing on his drink for the next ten minutes as the three men discussed options. He flinched when the man beside him grabbed his arm and shook him roughly. “Her!”

Mark’s gaze shifted to where they were all staring, finding you sitting in the corner of the room. He hadn’t noticed you there all night long, but it was obvious you had been there for some time as you were further detached from the happenings around you, reading a battered copy of a book you held within your hands. He breathed out a sigh of relief upon seeing you, you appeared perfectly normal. He then looked at the three men all watching his reaction avidly, leaning towards him and waiting with bated breath to see whether he would play the game or not. Mark suffered a moment of hesitance, knowing that bets like these were immoral. You had feelings and he could possibly hurt you if you ever found out he was set up with you. That’s if you actually fell for him. His eyes fell upon the stack of money Jackson had placed down and sighed. That money could really help him set up his funds towards that home he had found. He already had almost enough to buy it but the money needed to make it liveable again would probably be more than the purchase price.

Standing up, Mark stared at Jackson determinedly. “That money better not disappear, Wang.”

“Atta boy!” Jaebum hollered as Mark pushed away from the table, approaching you with as much confidence as he could muster.

You barely looked up at his approach, though a small frown creased up your forehead when he stopped in front of you. Sighing heavily, you placed a fabric bookmark in the novel you had been reading and glanced up. “Can I help you, soldier?”

“Yes ma’am,” he said with a smile. “Can I sit down?”

“I’d rather you stand,” you shot back, uneasy in his presence. Mark swallowed; he clearly hadn’t given you enough credit when he first looked your way.

He attempted to smile again. He needed you to at least humour him a little longer. “You see, my friends over there pointed out how lonely you seemed and without sounding like someone preying on you, they offered me a bet. Now, I’m willing to share half the winnings with you if you allow me to sit down here and chat with you all night long. I figure there isn’t anything to lose really. I could gain the company of a fine person such as yourself and you would gain something in return too. Before you think this is something that has to end in a private place, it’s not my intention to ask you to do such a thing with me. I’m just hoping you help this soldier save face in front of his lieutenant and friends, if you will.”

You stared up at Mark for some time after he finished speaking, your expression unreadable. He almost went to speak again, to thank you for not throwing your drink at him and bid you farewell, when you tilted your head to the side. “How do you know I’m such a fine person?”

“Well, you’re reading for one.”

“And reading automatically makes me someone of worth?”

Mark smiled, shaking his head. “It makes you different though.”

“How so?”

“Everyone else is dancing or drinking, and you’re over here in your own world. I didn’t notice you in the beginning, but now that I have, well I want to know more about what world you’re escaping to.”

“One without a war looming in the background for one,” you mentioned, a small smile tugging at your lips. “One without a need for soldiers or social events like this too.”

“Ouch,” he exclaimed playfully, clutching at his heart. “You don’t like pilots?”

“Now that would be wrong of me when my Daddy was one.”

“Was?”

“He died overseas a couple of years back. Unlike you, he was faced with the reality of war. I’m thankful we have a lot of young men such as yourself ready to fight for our freedom. I’m even grateful for your honesty. It’s why it’s tempting to accept your offer. And yet, Daddy always said to never trust a man with a plane.”

“And why’s that?” Mark questioned, pulling out the chair you hadn’t allowed him onto before and sat down. He was intrigued and you couldn’t help but watch him more intently.

“Because they always end up flying away.”

“Most fly back home too,” he said pointedly and you smiled wistfully. Mark pressed on with his counter-argument. “I know it’s not anything certain to trust in a pilot, especially with the talks of the war coming our way. But don’t you think that you’re missing out too? If the skies the limit, don’t you want to at least fly up there once and see what you could have?”

“And what makes you think I’m not happy with what I have?”

Mark grinned. “You’re reading of a world that isn’t here.”

You leaned around to glance at the three men Mark knew had to be watching your interaction with high interest. You smiled and then turned back to him. “I think we might have more to converse about, don’t you?”

Mark had completely forgotten about the bet as the night wore on. In fact, he was barely aware of the music blaring or the people buzzing in the background. All he could focus on was you. It was refreshing to meet someone he didn’t already know from being stationed here for over seven months now. He listened to your stories and shared his own, laughter flowing freely between you both as the early morning enclosed on the depths of the night.

He realised he did know you though. When you mentioned you worked in the bakery downtown, Mark was surprised. Even further when you told him you had been working there longer than he had been stationed here for.

“But I go there all the time!”

You smiled knowingly. “I know, and I’ve served you a plenty too.”

“Really? I would have noticed you,” Mark insisted and you laughed melodically, resting your head on your hand and staring at him. He watched you for a moment, reaching out and pushing a loose strand of hair away from your face. “I should have noticed you.”

“Should I be worried, soldier? You’re trying to win my heart over, aren’t you?”

He shook his head and smiled warmly. “Call me Mark, remember?”

“Your friends look ready to go, Mark,” you mentioned, looking over his shoulder again. He didn’t look behind though, still staring at you. It made you blush, fiddling with the corner of the book you had abandoned. “Do you need to go too?”

“Do you want to go?” he asked back and noticed how uneasy you were becoming. The night was ending and you were no doubt wondering if he would try to talk you into going home with him.

The bigger question was, he wondered what your answer would be if he attempted to.

“It is getting late,” you finally stated and Mark nodded. “But I’ve had a good time.”

“I’m glad you don’t see me as someone weird.”

“You are weird. You accepted a bet to come talk to someone you’ve never noticed before,” you pointed out with a smile and Mark hung his head dramatically. “But I am grateful for your company tonight, Mark.”

“Likewise.”

You got to your feet, and Mark helped you into your coat once in the lobby. You both loitered there, knowing that once you stepped out the front doors that things would be different regardless of where you slept. He didn’t know how to end the night, wanting to say something that would give you hope that he wasn’t just going to walk away now. But he felt tongue-tied the longer he stared at you. And when you moved quickly to peck him on the cheek, he was stunned. You were blushing when you pulled back. “I had a really good night, Mark. I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah,” he breathed, wishing his body would come back down from the high he was feeling so he could stop you from leaving.

And then he realised why you had done what you had, the jostling from Jackson pulling Mark out of his stupor. “You sly fox!”

“Are you taking it slow with her then?” BamBam asked and Mark blinked rapidly as he looked at his friends.

Jaebum grinned. “Pay this man his money.”

Mark took a deep breath as he stood outside the bakery the very next morning, wondering if it was too early to try and see you. He hadn’t slept well; he couldn’t stop ruminating over everything that happened with you last night. And whilst he knew he was meant to be on the airbase this morning working with Jinyoung, another pilot on his team, on some modifications to his Mustang’s engine, he couldn’t help but deviate away from his lodgings towards town instead of the airbase. Now, standing outside your work, he was anxious, wondering if you had thought of him as well.

Taking a deep breath, he entered the store, smiling in greeting at the ladies behind the counter. One approached him. “You’re here early, soldier.”

“Wait, aren’t you the guy who kept Y/N company last night?” another asked and Mark nodded shyly. She clapped her hands together in glee. “Are you here to see her then?”

“If she’s not busy,” he mentioned and watched as the ladies darted out the back, soon returning with a stunned you. He smiled warmly. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you echoed and then glanced at one of the ladies. “Is it alright Betty if I-”

“Of course!” she oozed, basically shoving you out towards Mark, where you awkwardly led him over to the park across the road.

You sat down on a bench and he followed suit, neither of you immediately talking. Finally, you said something. “What brings you here so early?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking of you,” he admitted and watched as your skin flushed with colour. “I hope I’m not intruding.”

“Well, I didn’t know what to expect since you only came over last night for the bet,” you mentioned softly, your eyes flashing suddenly. “Oh, did they pay up?”

Mark’s heart sunk a little at your renewed interest as he nodded. He had hoped you wanted to see him just as much. All the same, he reached into his pocket and held an envelope out to you. “As promised, here is your share from the cut.”

You took the envelope, staring at it momentarily before thrusting it back at him. You smiled. “You take it; I was never interested in the money.”

“No?” Mark stared at the envelope you had returned and then back at you. “Then why did you…?”

“You actually took the time to get to know me. At first, I was ready to send you on your way. I don’t exactly enjoy the social events as Betty and Lane always go there to end up in another bed for the night, in search of a husband. So, if I take a book with me, no one normally interrupts me. As soon as I see the ladies settle into the company of others and get a good look at who they will be going home with, I tend to go home myself.”

“You walk home alone?” he asked and you nodded. “Isn’t it dangerous?”

“No further than sitting out here with you, I’m sure.”

Mark grinned. “You think I’m dangerous?”

“Shall I remind you of why I don’t do pilots?” you teased and Mark laughed genuinely. You seem enamoured by the sound.

“So what do you do?”

You blushed so much that Mark couldn’t help but reach out and cup your warm cheek with his hand, the humour from the situation dissolving. “Would you be willing to make an exception to your rule? Date me, Y/N.”

“After one night?”

“Many don’t even wait a night,” he reminded and you shook your head, smiling all the same. “How long do I need to win you over? If you aren’t aware, I’m kind of competitive.”

You placed a hand on your hip and cocked your head to the side. “Oh, so like the bet, I’m a prize to be won?”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Mark faltered and you giggled, standing back up and looking down at Mark. He shot you an earnest look. “One date, Y/N. Let me take you to dinner, or a movie, or dinner and a movie.”

“I’m not so sure,” you mentioned airily and wiped your hands on the apron around your waist. “And I best get back to work. Maybe I’ll see you around? Serve you even. I hope you’ll remember me.”

Mark grinned after you, knowing you weren’t going to give up on him either. He obviously needed to show you more of his interest and so for the next three weeks, he turned up at the bakery almost every day, during lunch and then to walk you home after your shift ended. And every time he arrived at your doorstep, you would smile at him and say the same thing over again, “I’ll see you around.”

Mark was starting to wonder if you even saw him as someone worth dating. He was highly attracted to you by now, your walks always full of conversation. You told him more about your life and he traded his own stories with you, swinging your hand lightly in his once you allowed him too. Had he been aware of your inner thoughts, he would have realised you were already classing these moments as dates. But Mark was fixated on the official announcement, waiting for you to tell him every day.

But it just didn’t come.

“You still chasing the skirt of that girl?” Jackson inquired and Mark glanced up from his breakfast before going back to eating. The man chuckled. “She must not be into you. What did you say to get her to kiss you on the cheek that night? Did you bribe her too?”

Mark smiled to himself but didn’t answer Jackson.

“There’s a new showing at the theatre this weekend,” Jinyoung mentioned from across the table and smiled at Mark. “Suggest it to her; I think it’s based off one of the books she reads.”

“How do you know about her?” BamBam questioned his fellow comrade and Jinyoung shrugged his shoulders, giving Mark a knowing look before going back to his meal. BamBam turned to Mark. “Are you talking more with him than us? We set you up with her!”

“Technically, since he’s not dating Y/N yet, we didn’t do anything,” Jackson mused and then tapped his spoon on Mark’s tray. “Okay Tuan, I will give you-”

“No,” he cut him off, smiling over at his friends. “No more bets, Y/N’s not a prize.”

It was raining by the time Mark left the base to go pick you up from work and so he borrowed Yugyeom’s, another teammate, car to collect you. He was early to pick you up and so he sat there listening to the radio, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and waiting to see you appear. When you and the ladies finally stepped out and locked up the store, he tooted, pulling his upper body out of the window so you could see it was him. The girls all laughed, shoving you playfully.

“Where did you get the car from Mark?”

“Would you like a lift?” he offered and you grinned, looking at the girls who pushed you over to him. He jumped out of the car and dashed around to open the door for you, looking back at your friends. “It’s raining; don’t you want to come with us?”

“No, we have somewhere else to be,” Betty replied and Lane looked at her in confusion.

“We do?”

“We do,” Betty confirmed, grabbing your friend by the arm and waving you both off. Mark laughed gratefully at their sacrifice and then closed your door, hopping back in on his side.

He then glanced over at you, grinning as he shook off his wet hair. You whined. “Mark, you’re soaked!”

“I’m fine,” he assured, putting the car into gear and pulling away from the curb. He estimated the drive to be less than ten minutes and he sighed, wanting to prolong his time with you. An idea came to mind and he looked over at you when he stopped at the only set of lights in town. “Say, would you like to see something with me?”

“I haven’t said yes to dating you, Mark Tuan.”

“It’s not a date, I promise. I want to show you something special to me. Would you like to see?” he asked again and you nodded shyly. Mark grinned and changed course, heading to the lane that wasn’t too far away from the airbase. The houses here were much older than in town, the land having been developed from the farms that once dominated this area. He pulled up in the drive of one in particular, smiling as he looked out the screen at it.

You stared at the For Sale sign quietly before turning to Mark. “This is the place you told me about, right?”

“Yeah, this is my future home,” he mentioned softly, unable to hide the smile from his face. He settled into the chair and pointed to the grand farmhouse. Or at least, it would look that way once he was done with it. Mark explained everything he wanted to do to the exterior of the place and you listened intently, your gaze brightening the longer he told you of his plans.

“Can we go onto the property?” you asked and Mark nodded until he looked out at the rain falling again.

“Uh, I don’t have an umbrella with me. Are you okay with running over?”

You nodded excitedly and opened your door, leaping out and taking the overgrown track up to the house. Mark followed you, listening to your laughter until you were up on the veranda. You spun around and then shook off, spraying water bullets all over him.

“Y/N! You’re wet!” he cried like you had earlier and laughed with you, before opening the door. You gasped and Mark encouraged you over. “I know the guy selling this place, it’s okay.”

“But it wasn’t locked,” you said and Mark held up the key he had used. “I didn’t see you use it!”

“I’m a soldier, I have quick reflexes,” he teased, ushering you inside. Despite the dim lighting, you were both able to see your way around easily enough. Mark continued running through his renovation ideas with you and was surprised when you started offering your own.

“A dining table should go here, right in the heart of the kitchen. And you should knock this wall out so the laughter of the living area can be shared within this space as well. This house needs laughter.”

Mark leaned against the wall as you walked around the space, sharing your envisions as you moved about. He couldn’t stop staring at you though, seeing everything you were saying but with you in it.

Laughing with you, cooking with you, children running around you both. It was crazy, he hadn’t known you that long and yet it was so easy to want all of that with you. And when you finished talking, he could see a similar desire building within your gaze. You smiled and came back to his side. “Well, what do you think?”

“Will you go on that date with me this weekend?” he asked and you blinked at the change in topic. Mark reached forward to hold you affectionately. “I need you to say yes to me.”

“Why?”

“I can’t envision all that you said without you involved in it too.”

You smiled, nodding lightly. “You can pick me up at seven.”

But Mark didn’t make it to the date as planned. Instead, he was up in the skies, deployed that morning with the rest of the AIRFORCE7 squadron to gather Intel. He didn’t even have time to call you before heading out, orders were made and the planes instantly up in the air. As he navigated through the sunset, he thought over how he would have been just turning up now to pick you up. He wondered what you would have worn for him and smiled to himself the longer he imagined it. And then he sighed, hoping you would hear from some of the other ladies in town about their mission.

Mark prayed you weren’t waiting by the window for him to turn up all night.

He continued to think of you until he needed to focus on his mission at hand, successfully heading to his coordinates and collecting the data the air force required from him and the rest of his team. After refuelling at an allied airfield, they returned home, flying throughout the next day. He had barely landed on the runway and pulled his Mustang into position near the aircraft hangars when he noticed that you were waiting for him. Mark had to blink multiple times to ensure he wasn’t just wishing you were there to greet him, and he scrambled out of the cockpit, leaping down to the ground and approaching you with haste. He was worried you would disappear right when he reached your side.

Instead, you shot him a stern look. “You’re late.”

“You’re here,” he murmured and you nodded. “Why are you… how did you know when I’d come back?”

“I have a friend who works in the radio tower. When I realised you weren’t coming, I rang in to ask of you. They didn’t tell me details but they did confirm you had flown away from me, pilot.”

“I came back though, didn’t I?” he pointed out as he took you in his arms and you tried to bite back your smile. “I came back to you.”

“You better promise you’re going to keep coming back too,” you told him before stretching up to place a chaste kiss on his lips. Settling back onto your heels you smiled. “We have a house to renovate together.”

Mark scooped you up in another kiss, this time unleashing the passion that had built up from seeing you waiting for him. He held you tightly, kissing you without any regard as to who was around you both. Finally, when he pulled away, he winced sheepishly. “I have to go into debriefing. Can you wait a little longer for me?”

“I’m not sure,” you said, holding onto his shirt as you regained some of your composure. “Maybe I should just meet you there.”

“Where?”

You smiled. “For our date. Or are you going to stand me up again?”

“No ma’am,” he answered, kissing you again tenderly. “I’ll be there.”

_________________

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[readingismywholelife]

Thanks @thebookbud for the tag, I’m excited!

Make yourselves forget that the plague is a bitch BOOK edition

What’s the most recent book that you’ve read and absolutely fell in love with?

I just finished Pretty Things by Janelle Brown. I loved how it was told from two different perspectives that overlapped at times to tell the same scene with different viewpoints. It was suspenseful without being annoying. Somehow she told the whole story without revealing some of the important parts. I loved the dramatic irony. There were some really beautifully written paragraphs and quotes that I highlighted to keep in mind.

Do you keep track of how many books you’re reading every month?

I used to have a mason jar in my room and every time I finished a book, I would write it on a strip of paper and drop it in the jar. On December 31 of every year, I’d go back through the jar. Now... I don’t (oops).

What’s your stance on the debate as to whether or not we should dissociate the artist from their art (artist = writer in this case)?

Personally, I am in the “a book is good if it’s good, regardless of who the author is” camp. I am not going to avoid a book that I’ve heard is good just because the author has fallen out of favor. I understand that this is a sticky scenario, and while I don’t want to financially support people with poor morals, reading is a form of escape for me and it’s important for my mental health. I’m not going to deny myself a wonderful story.

What do you do when you can’t focus on a book?

Usually I don’t have a hard time focusing on a book once I’ve started. I do, however, tend to get tired of series in between books. When that happens, I like to alternate reading a book in a series with a standalone book from a different author with a completely different genre. When I switch it up, I find I enjoy reading more and get through books faster.

Do you pay attention to the gender/ethnicity/race/sexuality of the authors you’re reading, aka do you actively try to read books written by diverse writers?

While I seek out lists of the best books written by diverse authors, especially female authors, as a whole, I don’t purposefully select certain books over others based on the diversity of the author. I generally don’t care who a book is written by and instead focus on reading a wide range of stories.

Paperback or hardcover? Why?

I honestly don’t care if a book is paperback or hardcover. I do, however, refuse to read ebooks of any kind. I like being able to collect physical books and also turn the physical pages as I’m reading.

Which language would you like to learn just to be able to read its untranslated literature?

This is hard because I know I am truly terrible with foreign languages. I would probably say Italian. I took four semesters of it in college and wish that I had learned and retained more than I had.

Pick up the book that is closest to you. Convince me to read it in less than 10 sentences.

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah. Following two sisters with a complicated relationship. Makes you question everything you know about what happened in France during WW2. Beautiful writing. Extremely powerful and well-rounded characters. You find yourself so invested in the story that you don’t want to put it down. But you also don’t want it to end. It makes you want to cry but also smile at the strength of humanity. Definitely a must-read for anyone that likes historical fiction or liked All The Light We Cannot See.

This was so fun and a good distraction so thank you for that. I’m going to nominate some random people that have been giving me lots of love. Thank you guys! @libri-et-coffea @therefugeofbooks @lykareads @just0nemorepage @juneacademic