#album's so fucking long i've only listened to it once entirely

[terrainofheartfelt]

Liz's definitive track assignment list that nobody asked for (but I know I'm right)

"Fortnight" (featuring Post Malone) -- DAIRFAIR DAIRFAIR DAIRFAIR

"The Tortured Poets Department" -- derena breakup track. derena divorce track. take your pick. serena pov <3

"My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys" -- 🪑

"Down Bad" -- changing course because this is rwrb firstprince alex post lake house I'M RIGHT

"So Long, London" -- same for above. acd-coded

"But Daddy I Love Him" -- blair waldorfian. i'm having his baby jk lmao. unhinged.

"Fresh Out the Slammer" -- calling it another post derena divorce. pov both of them. dan floats to blair, serena gravitates to carter. and. fuck it. 🪑divorce. "I served my time" and all that shit

"Florida!!!" -- ivy/charlie. florida woman. fuck this city i'm getting fucked up in the gulf. yeah. she could have been so much more.

"Guilty as Sin?" -- BLAIRRRRRRRRRR s5ep4 if you want to get specific. reading steamy book scenes. gurl.

"Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?" -- JENNY GIRL. "I am what you trained me to be." I MEANNNNN.

"I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)" -- 🪑

"Loml" -- dan. sad dan. sad lonely boy

"I Can Do It With a Broken Heart" -- serena. always. constantly. (though cherry & I also agree it's firstprince coded)

"The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived" -- louis divorce yeehaw

"The Alchemy" -- serenate reconciliation

"Clara Bow" -- blair & jenny and the girls that are destined to replace them.

[joels-shitty-puns]

The Key To Your Heart - Track 9

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Panic/Anxiety attack. Alluding to sexual scenarios. Kissing. Fat shaming, name calling. Mentions of food, weight loss, weight gain, dieting, weighing, potential eating disorder, food guilt. Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: 2.7K

Series List: Here!

Miss Chapter 8? Here!

Hi everyone!! I really don't feel great about this chapter, I'm sorry if it sucks. I kinda just want to get it out there though because I don't see my brain thinking up anything better. A lot of writer's block surrounding this scene. Anywho, hopefully next chapter will be better, but I still hope you like it. Although we allude to a little bit of sexual situations now that they are together, I likely will avoid explicit smut being that Pedro is a real human and I am a guilty, guilty human for writing any smut at all. I don't want to offend Pedro (not that he'd ever see it anyway, I am delusional), but I also know people find real person fiction uncomfy as a whole. That being said, I think this story may be coming to a close pretty soon. I plan to have maybe one more full storyline chapter, and at least one little side bonus chapter :) Please let me know what you think in the comments, or DM me if you wanna chat! I love hearing all your thoughts. Thank you for reading and hanging in here with me.

Before the screen even had a chance to load, you canceled the request. Nervously looking at Pedro, he held your hand under the table. “What is it?” he asked gently.

“I just realized,” you replied. “What if they ask about us? About those pictures? What should I say?”

Pedro answered with a gentle stroke of his thumb on your cheek. “Whatever you feel comfortable with. I'm sure I'll be fine with whatever you say, baby. I know your privacy is important to you, and I trust you. I'm all in with you.”

“Okay.” You took a deep breath and once again began the stream.

“Live in 3…”

“2…”

“1…”

The fans began to file in, and before you knew it, you had thousands of viewers. Opting to start with your screen covered, you wanted to give an intro first before the big reveal. 

It wasn't long before the comments flowed across the screen. 

You took a deep breath, squeezing Pedro’s hand, and jumping in. “Hi everyone! It's me… a lot has been happening lately and I decided it might be time to show a little more of myself.”

-“First!”

-“Did she mean to start a live video ??"

-"Hiii! I'm a big fan"

-“Is she there??”

-“Do you guys see anything?”

“So… Here's me.” You turned on your camera, waving at the screen, your stomach twisting in deeper knots.

-“No fucking way.”

-“!?!!!!!”

-“SCREAMING”

“Hi… Some of you might know me, some might be surprised. But this is me. This is the girl behind the music.”

The comments flooded in, entirely too fast for you to read.

“I want to thank all of you for being fans and listening to my songs. It really means a lot and I hope you liked the album. Your support blows me away, especially with what little information about myself I've given.”

More comments.

“Well, I uh… guess I should read some of these comments and answer some questions. I'm sure there’s a lot you all are wondering about,” you stated nervously, starting to read.

-“Why did you hide your identity?”

“Why did I hide my identity… I hid my identity mostly based on poor self image. I never expected my music to gain popularity, never expected celebrities to know it. Never expected any of it, and it certainly brought its share of criticism. I was scared to be in the spotlight and I didn't feel like I looked good enough to be someone famous. You know? I'm not skinny, I have flaws, and that doesn't always sit well with the Internet. I guess I was mainly scared of how I would be perceived. I'm just a normal girl who had her whole life flipped upside down when I wrote my feelings down,” you laughed anxiously.

Choosing to ignore the storm brewing in the comments below, you addressed the earlier comment. “Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad I can make you feel more accepted by seeing more plus-sized people in the entertainment business. Everyone should feel seen and have a place at the table, no matter what you look like, or who you are.”

-“I think it's nice to have more celebrities that look kinda like me.”

-“You're so humble!!”

-“You should've stayed hidden lmao”

-“Shut up, asshole. Why are you here if you're going to be rude?”

-“I'm sure you're a real supermodel behind that keyboard bravery.. smh”

You weren't expecting someone to actually feel like you were representing them and making them feel seen. You didn't think you had enough of an impact for that. You certainly weren't treated that way when you weren't famous. Nobody really even noticed you before.

You could feel Pedro’s eyes on your face, his thumb swirling circles and hearts over the space of skin on the top of your hand, below your thumb. The place where his bullseye resides on his own. Does he trace that tattoo when he's nervous, the same way he is with me? Perhaps his tracing of your hand is calming himself as much as it is for you.

Desperately, you wanted to look over at him and be comforted by his deep brown eyes, but doing so would cause people to wonder who you made eye contact with and smiled at. So instead, you gave a gentle squeeze and a smile towards the screen, hoping he would understand. 

-“Hi, I'm a big fan of yours. Can I ask… is what you said on your album true? You've never been kissed before? I haven't either and I was starting to feel like I'm just a freak.”

“Oh, honey, you aren't a freak. Everyone has things happen at different times in their life. But yes, everything I wrote in my album at the time I wrote it was true. And don't worry, I have felt the same way. Seeing others be kissed, falling in love… having the things I wasn't, it really hurts. But it'll be okay.. nothing is wrong with you. You're deserving of love.”

You hoped they wouldn't pick up on your usage of past-tense wording. Pedro, still holding your hand, rubbed his other hand over your arm gently.

-“Wait… at the time you wrote it? What about now?”

The comments were going wild.

Welp…

Your hands shook, and you used your opposite hand to place on top of Pedro’s that gripped yours. He squeezed gently, feeling the nervous tremors pass through your body, continuing to rub gentle strokes over your arm with his opposite hand.

“Uhm…” your cheeks heated and your stomach sank.

“I've changed a lot since this album was first written. Experienced new things. But I'm still the same person.”

Shit.

-“Who did you kiss?! Is it the guy in your song?”

-“Will you tell us who the song is about?”

-“Wait a second… you're that girl aren't you!?!!!! The one in the pictures with Pedro Pascal!!!!”

-“OMG IT IS”

-“!!!!!!!”

-“IS HE THE GUY!?!”

-“ARE YOU DATING!?!”

The nervous tremors continued, now threatening to cause your teeth to chatter. A full panic attack was brewing. Pedro squeezed your hand again, touching your knee and trying to do his best to ground you without speaking up on your live video. Skipper could feel the waves of anxiousness pooling off of you as well and crawled forward to settle his body across your feet. You took a few calming breaths, but when you went to speak, your voice still betrayed you.

“I..” your voice cracked, shakiness evident as you could feel tears starting to edge their way towards your vision.

I can't do this. I can't do this. I need to shut it off.

You shut your eyes, taking deep breaths, trying to ease your nausea and stress. 

Keeping your eyes closed, you spoke. “Yes.”

You took another deep breath. “Yes it was me, yes the song was about him. Yes.”

You opened your eyes to read the comments, tears pooling down your cheeks as you couldn't hold back your emotion anymore.

This is so embarrassing. The first time I show my face I'm crying and having an anxiety attack in front of the whole world.

You swallowed, choking back the full sobs that your body wanted to let loose. Wiping your face with the back of your hand, you began to read the comments, expecting laughter, criticism, and bullying. Instead, you were met with kindness.

Coming back to your senses, you gave a shaky smile. “Thank you guys. I'm sorry for my emotions.” You sniffled. Pedro was still rubbing your hands and arms, comforting you, having never stopped. His eyes still bore into the side of your head, and you knew he was struggling to not speak up or grab you fully. 

-“Oh my God, are you okay?”

-“I didn't mean to make you cry I'm so sorry”

-“You and Pedro make a cute couple”

-“Oh no, please don't cry”

-“Idk if you guys are dating but you seem cute”

-“I'm so glad you guys are spending time together when he's the guy in your song”

-“It'll be okay, please don't be upset”

-“You're amazing, we love you”

“Yes, Pedro and I have been spending a lot of time talking after he publicly commented on my song a few months ago. The party was the first time we met in person and we're still figuring things out,” you let go of your worries and broke eye contact with the camera, looking to your side to meet Pedro’s gaze. “But… we're happy.” You smiled at him. He smiled back gently, squeezing your hand, worry and sadness plaguing his face over your well-being. Breaking eye contact, you looked back at the screen.

You giggled before answering “well, I think that's all we have time for today. Thank you all for joining me!” You silently clicked off the stream, closing the browser, turning off the computer, and turning to Pedro. He grabbed your other hand in his, now holding both. “Are you okay?” He asked, concern etched in his face.

-“AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!”

-“IS HE THERE WITH YOU!?!”

-“whaaaaat”

-“SCREAMING”

-“Shut. Up. This is insane.”

-“YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE I CAN'T TAKE IT”

“I think so,” you nodded.

“Seeing you panic and not being able to do anything without potentially making it worse… It killed me. I'm so sorry. I just wanted to pull you into my arms and end that video myself. I hated seeing you so upset.” He stared down at your intertwined hands, rubbing his thumb over them again. 

“I appreciate you being here for me,” you let go of his hand to stroke his cheek. “I couldn't have done that without you.” You met his eyes, leaning forward to rest against his forehead. He let out a shaky breath. “I love you. I'm so proud of you.”

“I love you too,” you replied with a smile. “Let's move to the couch, huh?” You asked, pulling him up from the chair. He stood, just as your phone rang, a call from Rose. You quickly answered.

“I saw the live stream. You did wonderful! Don't worry about any of the negative comments you saw or any stories that come out of this. I'll handle it all.”

“Thanks, Rose.”

“Anytime. Take care.” She hung up.

You updated Pedro as the two of you walked towards the couch. “Do you want breakfast?” He asked.

“Maybe in a minute. Can I just hold onto you for a few minutes?”

“I would love nothing more.”

He sat on the couch, you sitting next to him, before he gave you a look. “What?” you laughed. He patted his leg.

“Let me hold you.”

“I'm too heavy for that Pedro, don't be ridiculous,” you shook your head.

“You're the one being ridiculous.” He reached over, pulling you into his lap. “I'm too heavy! You're going to hurt yourself,” you whined.

“You're not too heavy. You're the perfect size, baby. Come here,” he pulled you forward, your body sliding down his thighs as he wrapped his arms around you. You straddled his lap, knees on either side of his hips while he rubbed your back gently. You placed your arms around him, nuzzling into his neck and closing your eyes. You both sighed, and he grabbed a blanket next to him to pull over your bodies. “I could stay like this for hours, wrapped in your arms” you sighed comfortably. 

“Why don't you?” He turned his head to kiss your lips. You lifted your face up, taking your head off his shoulder to kiss him deeper. The kisses were lazy and comfortable, holding each other and enjoying the warmth of being in each other's arms.

Finally the two of you broke the kiss, settling back on his shoulder, him tilting his head to lean against yours. His hands sprawled over your back, pulling you forward a bit to adjust in his lap. You let out a soft whimper at the contact, fully aware of the location your bodies connected at the moment. “Feel how much you mean to me?” He asked, his breath ghosting your ear as he pulled your hips forward again. You whined. “Yes..” you answered breathlessly. The temptation to keep doing that was overwhelming. But he once again wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your back as the two of you comfortably dozed off, finally relaxed after so much stress of the morning.

Hours later, you stirred, feeling Pedro still underneath you. At the feel of you moving, he stretched a bit before settling with his arms around you again. “Morning, baby” he hummed. “Guess we fell asleep,” you smiled.

“Some of the best sleep I've had in a while, here with you.”

“Same here.” You blinked your eyes open, kissing him on the lips with a peck. “What time is it?”

He turned his head to look at the clock on your TV. “5 o’clock” he laughed. “Guess we both needed some rest.” 

“Mmmm, I guess so,” you hummed, settling into him more.

“Good thing I brought nonperishables. Are you hungry?”

You pondered. “Yeah, I am,” you looked into his deep brown eyes. “Breakfast for dinner?” You smiled at him.

“Sounds perfect.” He pecked your lips before you slid off his lap, the two of you standing to stretch. It wasn't long that you two stood apart before you leapt forward again to give him a hug. He laughed, hugging you back. “I'll never get tired of being in your arms,” you smiled into his chest, breathing in his scent.

“I'll never get tired of holding you in mine,” he pulled his face back to look at you.

“Now let's eat! I'm starved,” you scampered towards the kitchen, him giving a gentle pat to your butt before hugging you from behind as you grabbed the breakfast foods. You giggled, setting food on plates as he kissed your neck, still wrapped around you from behind. “I'm starving too,” he replied back to your earlier statement with a growl, biting your ear.

“Pedro!” You giggled, smacking his arm gently. He chuckled, pulling away and grabbing his plate as you both headed to the table.

The two of you ate, filling the space with light conversation, both of you occasionally sneaking Skipper some bites under the table. He could get used to having two humans spoiling him.

The chatter came to a natural pause, eating in silence and smiling at each other across the table. Pedro stopped eating, wiping his hands and continuing to stare at you. You laughed, asking him what was up. Suddenly, he looked nervous.

“I, uh…” he rubbed his neck. “I was going to wait until after we had at least a first date to say this, but…” he trailed off, and your mind spiraled. Is he breaking up with me? Is he not interested anymore? What's wrong?

“I was wondering if… you'd be my girlfriend? Exclusively?” His cheeks flushed.

You stammered, dropping your fork on the plate. “You… you want… me to be your girlfriend?” You smiled.

He nodded. “If… you'll have me.”

“You want to be my boyfriend?” He nodded again, looking down at the table.

“Yes. Yes, are you kidding? Please! I'd love nothing more.” You grinned, jumping out of your chair to move to him.

He stood, pulling you into a hug. “Really?” He smiled at you.

“Really,” you nodded. “Now kiss me,” you held his face.

“Gladly,” he pulled you closer, kissing you deeply, his tongue asking for entrance to your mouth. You squealed, surprised, but letting him in. You'd never experienced this sensation before. But it was… incredible.

He licked your lips, the two of you exploring the inside of each other's mouths, tongues dancing together. The kiss was heated and deeper than ever before, both of you finally pulling away for air, him coming back in to peck your lips a few times, sucking your lip between his own. You sighed shakily. “Wow.”

“I love kissing you,” he smiled against your lips.

“I love kissing you. You're a good kisser,” you smiled back.

“So are you,” he smirked. “My beautiful girlfriend.” He gave a kiss. “How about that date tomorrow?” He pulled away to look at you, letting his hand rub across your lower back, just above your butt.

“I'd love to,” you stroked his face. “My handsome boyfriend.” You wrapped your arms around him again, blissfully.

“Tomorrow,” you two sighed in unison.

@pedrotonin @starcrossed02 @lightupsketchersperson @cartoon-garbage04 @tyferbebe @maryfanson @gwendibley84 @faithfullyyours2000 @brilliantopposite187 @hc-geralt-23 @jenniferpendragon @winchestergypsy90 @red-red-rogue @theendwhereibegin @lottieellz101 @oliversaurus @kyga01 @milly-louise @titabel @taz-97 @stefanibear003 @marantha @fandomoniumflurry @ilovemybrown-eyedbabygirl @leiadjarin @hmneighbors

Thank you for reading!!! Let me know what you think ❤️

Taglist: (Want in? Let me know!)

[pardonmydelays]

TTPD - my final thoughts

so... this album, according to taylor, came from a need to write. now i actually have the need to write this essay. it's an honest opinion, i gave it one last listen & i analysed all the lyrics. this is how i've spent my entire sunday. if you're a sensitive hardcore swiftie, don't even bother to read it. i've already lost a lot of followers because i was being honest lol. this is mostly for my friends, because they actually care about what i think. so i went through hell every song once again & those are my final thoughts (warning: i'm not being very nice & this is super chaotic & messy, but so is the album):

FORTNIGHT

super boring production & i usually love jack... i also can't believe it's the first single from this album? i like the music video tho. the b&w aesthetics are everything. she is kinda trying to sound like lana here, at least this was my first reaction when i heard this song. "i was a functioning alcoholic til nobody noticed my new aesthetic" - what the fuck does that even mean, i hate this line. "all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february" - i feel like she is trying to be poetic but this is such a weird line? kinda reminds me of how the first verse of "red" (the song) was a masterpiece, but she kinda got lost in the second verse, it's like trying to write as many metaphors as you can but they are just... not good. sometimes less is more. "i love you, it's ruining my life" - i love the way she sings this line & this line in general. i kinda like post malone in the outro (even tho i don't listen to his music). i don't give a shit about the lyrics to be honest, it's just not doing anything to me, i'm so indifferent (except those few lines i mentioned). overall it's a boring song & a skip for me. i tried to like it but i just... don't.

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT

i don't hate this song, but i don't love it either. it has good moments. but it also has terrible ones. also, it's too damn long. i don't know. "you left your typewriter at my apartment, straight from the tortured poets department, i think some things i never say, like who uses typewriters anyway?" - i absolutely fucking love those lines, simple words, nothing "big" but i feel like this is what i love the most about taylor's songwriting - when she's not tying to be poetic & she is just writing simple things like that & i kinda love the way it rhymes, can't explain but this beginning is so good!!! "who's gonna hold you" - i love the way she sings this line. "we're modern idiots" - i also love this. "nofuckingbody" - sounds like something i would say so i'll take it. "you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate, we declared charlie puth should be a bigger artist, i scratch your head, you fall asleep like a tattooed golden retriever." - & here we fucking go... i hate the way it doesn't rhyme? i usually don't mind it when things don't rhyme but somehow it really bothers me here? also this is such a terrible line & it ruins the whole song for me... i like the melody in the bridge tho & i kinda like how she mentioned jack there? i don't know why.

MY BOY ONLY BREAKS HIS FAVOURITE TOYS

i like the chorus? "once i fix me he's gonna miss me" - i know everyone loves that line but i don't??? i don't know, i just don't.

DOWN BAD

i kinda like the production. the melody is so great. "for a moment i knew cosmic love" - i just ADORE the way she sings it. "fuck it if i can't have him, i might just die, it would make no difference" - love it, so relatable. i don't have much to say about it but i like this song in general, it's not amazing, not a masterpiece, but i do like it & i will probably listen to it sometimes. maybe even add it to some of my playlists.

SO LONG, LONDON

beautiful intro, everybody say "thank you, aaron". i didn't love it on my first listen, it grew on me tho, i even love the production on this one now. it has simple lyrics, but it's beautiful. "so long, london, you'll find someone" - so simple & i love it. i love her voice in this song SO MUCH. "& i'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free" - i hate how much i relate. "i'm just mad as hell cause i loved this place... for so long..." - i had a mental breakdown today because of this one line. i can relate. also i think this is the best line in the entire song, at least to me.

BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM

nothing will ever save this song, even my boy aaron dessner. no, actually, the production is not bad, i have so many issues with the lyrics tho... "but daddy i love him! i'm having his baby! no i'm not but you should see your faces!" - i wanna die i wanna pretend i didn't hear it (also it's not only the fact that this line is fucking terrible, but the way she sings "his" - i don't even hear this word? the lyrics says it's there but i can't hear it? & it bothers me so much???). "stay away from her, the saboteurs protested too much" - is this line about us, the fans? the way i fucking laughed, this is embarrassing. (why is this song so long i hate it so much) ok, i hate how much i love the sound of the bridge because the melody is really really good there but the lyrics... "i'll tell you something right now, i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitchin' & moanin', i'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace, i don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing, god save the most judgmental creeps who say they want what's best for me, sanctimoniously performing soliloquies i'll never see, thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me and counteract the chemistry and undo the destiny you ain't gotta pray for me, me & my wild boy & all of this wild joy, if all you want is gray for me, then it's just white noise, & it's just my choice" - i'm sorry but the way i laughed I WANNA KILL MYSELF THIS IS TERRIBLE TERRIBLE I HATE IT SO MUCH SHE LITERALLY DIDN'T SAY THAT... wild boy, THIS IS SO STUPID OH GOD- i need therapy after listening to this song & i'm afraid she also needs therapy because this is just unhinged. i don't wanna talk about this song ever again, in a perfect world it doesn't exist. let's move on.

FRESH OUT THE SLAMMER

kinda nice melody, don't care about the lyrics at all because it's boring. also, why is she talking about marriage again, she is literally so desperate to get married it's almost scary. it feels like she doesn't even care who she's gonna marry, she just wants to get married, period. oh god.

FLORIDA!!!

i love the vibes, the production is FIRE! love love love florence in the second verse! "and my friends all smell like weed or little babies" - i know what she was trying to say, but i still hate this line lol it's so cringey. "well, me & my ghosts, we had a hell of a time" - love love love this line. ok, but to be fair, i don't know what this song is about, but i am vibing. i love it, it's good.

GUILTY AS SIN?

it grew on me, i love the melody, i love the production. i hate to admit it, because we all know what this song is about, but i actually genuinely love the lyrics. "oh, what a way to die" - love this line & the way she sings it. "i keep recalling things we never did, messy top lip kiss, how i long for our trysts, without ever touching his skin, how can i be guilty as sin?" - i hate myself, i love it so much, god help me. "i keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault" - as a lowercase girlie i had no choice but to love this line. ok, idc, i love this song, crucify me if you want.

WHO'S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME?

i love the production, i think it's one of the best songs on this album. the way she screams "who's afraid of little old me?" - LOVE THAT. "well you should be" - love that, it's powerful. i love the entire bridge, it's so good, i just don't like the line "you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me", because wtf, is this about her childhood home? come on taylor, please, be serious. i think the way she sings "that i'm fearsome & i'm wretched & i'm wrong" is my favourite part of this song. i genuinely love it.

I CAN FIX HIM (NO REALLY I CAN)

i don't give a single fuck about this song, i just wanted to say the line "i can handle me a dangerous man" is so fucking stupid, now let's move on because i'm bored.

loml

she sounds really good in this one, i love the entire chorus, the way she sings "it's legendary", the way she sings "you told me i'm the love of your life" with sadness in her voice, i love it. somehow "if you know it in one glimpse, it's legendary" makes me think of "sometimes there's no proof, you just know" & i just made myself cry, idk. i hate "mr steal your girl" it sounds so bad in this song. bridge! so fucking sad!!! "it was legendary, it was momentary, it was unnecessary, should've let it stay buried" - i absolutely love this moment, probably my favourite part of the song. "you're the loss of my life" at the end... bro. it should be track 5.

I CAN DO IT WITH A BROKEN HEART

the post chorus, omg i hate the production, it makes me want to kill myself, it sounds so bad, omg. i genuinely wanna die. "lights camera bitch smile" - i hate it. "he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short, breaking down i hit the floor, all the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting more!" - i love this. i really do. the best part of the song for me. "i cry a lot but i am so productive, it's an art" - honey, no. this album is the best proof that it, in fact, isn't art. "cause i'm miserable & nobody even knows!" - but... we knew? (i can't stand this production for real) the ending, oh dear god i hate it so much, it sounds bad, it's terrible, taylor go to therapy because you're clearly not ok & it shows.

THE SMALLEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED

i don't have any thoughts on this song. it's boring & unnecessary, let's just move on (sorry aaron).

THE ALCHEMY

this is the worst song on the album (me about every song). "this happens once every few lifetimes" - taylor, honey, this happens to you with every single man. stop. get some help. all the football references make me want to kill myself, let's just skip it. it's boring anyway. i can't fucking listen to it. oh no, wait... "he jokes that it's heroin but this time with an E" - ???? even MY jokes are funnier. ok, i'm fucking done.

CLARA BOW

not a bad song but the "you look like taylor swift in this light" is so cringey to me. i hate it. it ruins the whole song for me. the production is really good tho, but i don't know. i'm so indifferent. i'm kinda disappointed with this one tbh.

THE BLACK DOG

it's a beautiful song. "old habits die SCREAMING!!!" - the delivery of this line, yes ma'am. "and i may never open the way i did for you" - i love it so much. also the lyrics in the entire song - so simple & beautiful, i love the storytelling here. the melody in the chorus is amazing. "and i hope it's shitty in the black dog" - yeah, me too. i love this song. it's so good & sad. one of the best from this album.

imgonnagetyouback

olivia rodrigo? hello? boring boring boring, i hate it

THE ALBATROSS

i love the production so much!!! i don't have much to say about the lyrics? i don't love it??? but it's fine i guess. but the production is really interesting, & sometimes that's enough to love the song. maybe it will grow on me. i like it now tho.

CHLOE OR SAM OR SOPHIA OR MARCUS

"if you wanna break my cold, cold heart" - i fucking love the delivery of this line, she sounds really good here & really sad. actually, the chorus is beautiful. "so if i sell my apartment, & you have some kids with an internet starlet, will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon?" - hello? maroon reference? ok i love this, i also love the way things rhyme in this part of the song. the lyrics is so simple & beautiful, once again, less is more. it's a great song.

HOW DID IT END?

the "oh-oh" in the intro, LOVE IT. i really love her voice here. "my beloved ghost & me, sitting in a tree, D-Y-I-N-G" - heartbreaking. & thanks for mentioning me in a song. "but i still don't know, how did it end?" - it kinda makes me think about all my relationships (not only with guys but also with my friends) & how sometimes you really don't know how it happened that they are no longer a part of your life. it makes me feel sad. i love the song.

SO HIGH SCHOOL

"touch me while your bros play grand theft auto" - oh my god. this is so bad. it's so bad. i don't like it.

I HATE IT HERE

INSTANT FAVE, SO RELATABLE, THIS IS MY SONG!!! "i hate it here so i will go to secret gardens in my mind people need a key to get to, the only one is mine" - me as fuck. that i can say for sure. "no mid-sized city hopes & small town fears, i'm there most of the year cause i hate it here" - the way i literally realized that this is where i spent my last year, it's almost scary but this song definitely goes to my "when the truth pops out" playlist. i'm gonna pretend the racist line in the second verse doesn't exist. "lunar valleys in my mind" - i fucking love this line. "i'm lonely but i'm good, i'm bitter but i swear i'm fine, i'll save all my romanticism for my inner life" - OH MY GOD. I WROTE THIS SONG. I SWEAR. i relate to this so much. i hate it here. i love this song.

thanK you aIMee

so at first i liked it but then i realized it's about kim kardashian & i actually hate it now, taylor, please, can we finally move on? it's been YEARS, imagine how tired we are.

I LOOK IN PEOPLE'S WINDOWS

the production is good, i love the repetitions of "out", "now" etc. not much to say about it, but it's kinda nice? it's so short tho.

THE PROPHECY

i absolutely love the production on this one, it reminds me of "augusta" by gracie abrams & i love this song so much (also produced by aaron). i love the chorus & all the rhymes here. i don't... love the song in general, but i like it & i think it might grow on me.

CASSANDRA

ok, you know what, it's a nice song, but i am so damn tired of hearing about the same thing over & over again... 2016 was eight fucking years ago, taylor wake the fuck up & move on??? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT ANYMORE JESUS I AM BORED.

PETER

i am genuinely crying right now, because i only have one person in my mind when i'm listening to this song & the words "you were gonna come find me"... oh god (i've had one person in my life who said they were gonna find me one day when i told them i'm gonna leave this shitty town & move to the city of my dreams. they didn't find me tho. the biggest what if of my life. i wanna die right now). it's a good song. i actually love it, probably because it's so relatable for me.

THE BOLTER

i actually like this one. the production is great (good job aaron!), i like the lyrics, i relate to some of this, not gonna get into details tho. none of it is outstanding, but it's a good song. i'm just tired, this album is too damn long.

ROBIN

"way to go tiger" - i love the melody & the way she sings this line. it's such a sweet song & i just learned that robin is aaron's kid's name, i love it. it's nice. nothing amazing, not a masterpiece but i like it.

THE MANUSCRIPT

"if the sex was half as good as the conversation was" - i kinda love this line (no, we are not geting into the details of who this one is about. i just said i love this line). also what a way to end the album: "now & then i re-read the manuscript, but the story isn't mine anymore". i love it, because now these stories are ours. it's like i told bel on friday, i'm gonna make this whole damn album about me & my life.

if you made it to the end, congratulations. to conclude: taylor should have worked more with aaron, less with jack. i usually love jack, but this time i feel like i've heard it all before. i still think this is her worst album. it's too damn long (31 songs!!!). it has some of her worst lyrics ever. most of those songs were totally unnecessary. maybe the entire album was. i genuinely think she should just take a break. i am really disappointed with this album & i am mad as hell because i wanted to love it. well... i made my own version. i think i'm not gonna talk about this album anymore. i also think i need a break from listening to it because i am genuinely tired. bye.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael Before Midnight: "Houdini" by Eminem

Eminem is one of the most controversial rappers of all time, and this reputation isn’t entirely undeserved. I mean, the man has an entire song that’s just six straight minutes of him acting out violently murdering his ex. Uncontroversial artists do not make songs like that. But I think people do give him a lot of shit and really try to underplay his genuine talent too, mainly because of how a lot of his work just hasn’t aged great.

You have to understand the time and place Em rose out of. The 90s was all about being nasty and politically incorrect, and the rap scene reflected that. The rise of gangster rap had guys talking about how cool the thug life was, and there were all sorts of vulgar tunes being cranked out (“Pregnant Pussy” is from the 90s, if that tells you anything). As a white boy in a cutthroat industry where black men are the kings being taken under the wing of the man who produced “Fuck tha Police,” Marshall Mathers really wasn’t gonna do anything other than assimilate into the culture of the time to survive. And it worked; he’s pretty much the only white rapper besides maybe the Beastie Boys who has kept a long and generally well-liked career. He played by the rules, made sure to acknowledge his place, kept his ego in check outside his songs, collaborated with the right people, and boom! Rap has its token white boy.

But the edgy violent white boy schtick that made Slim Shady so funny and… “endearing” back in the day is not really something people like in 2024. Since the 90s, edgy white boys like the Slim character have shot up schools, sexually assaulted women and gotten away with it, openly supported fascism, and whined about queer people and black people being in Star Wars. No one fucking likes a Slim because they’ve been ruining our world for a while now, so this character who was once a beloved aspect of Em’s career just doesn’t sit right with the people of today. Add onto the fact that he’s a middle aged man, and he can’t just be doing the same crap all these years later without looking like the cringiest man alive, a rapping Elon Musk. With all that, and the fact his upcoming album is called The Death of Slim Shady, you’d think maybe he’d drop a single to showcase how he’s evolved over his career, how his sobriety and fatherhood have changed him, and how the Slim persona is well and truly in the past.

Instead he released “Houdini.”

For better or for worse, this is a return to that classic late 90s/early 2000s Slim style, with everything that implies. Get ready for lots of references, offensive jokes, and more, cuz I’m going line by line to talk about the content of Slim Shady’s final comeback. And while I am going to analyze some of the lamer and more questionable jokes, I want to make it clear that I understand the Slim character is satirical and whatever. I'm not fucking dumb, and I've been listening to Eminem for 24 years now. Being satire is not an excuse to be unfunny.

After an ominous skit where Em’s manager Paul Rosenberg tells him he’s own his own for this album, we have an intro to kick the song off:

Guess who’s back, back again? Shady’s back, tell a friend Guess who’s back? Guess who’s back? Guess who’s back? Guess who’s back? Guess who’s back? Guess who’s back? Guess who’s back? (Da-da-da, da, da, da, da, da, da) (Da-da-da, da, da, da, da)

As should be obvious to anyone with a passing knowledge of Eminem, this is a reuse of the intro of his classic “Without Me.” This is a double-edged sword; on the one hand, it is a fun little callback to his earlier career and helps once more establish that he’s bringing it like he did back then. But on the other hand, you’re reminding the audience of one of your best songs right off off the bat, so if this one doesn’t live up to that, you’re in for a world of hurt.

Now’s also a good time to mention that the song heavily samples “Abracadabra” by the Steve Miller Band. From what I’ve gathered, a lot of people find that song unbelievably corny… but that’s why I love it. And I mean, the song’s called “Houdini,” so why not sample the massive smash hit song that’s named after the famous magic words? Again, for me at least, sampling a song I already love means you’re gonna have to really kick it into high gear to make me want to listen to yours over what you’re sampling. There’s about a million songs that sample “When the Levee Breaks,” but how many of those do you think I’m putting on over Led Zeppelin, y’know?

Well, look what the stork brung (What?) Little baby devil with the forked tongue And it's stickin' out, yeah, like a sore thumb (Bleh) With a forehead that it grew horns from (Look) Still a white jerk (It's him), pullin' up in a Chrysler to the cypher With the Vics, Percs and a Bud Light shirt Lyrical technician (Yeah), an electrician (Yeah) Y'all light work (Haha) And I don't gotta play pretend, it's you I make believe (What?) And you know I'm here to stay 'cause me (Why?) If I was to ever take a leave (What?) It would be aspirin' to break a feve' (Yeah)

So far it’s been pretty solid. It’s pretty clear Em’s still got it, great flow, delivery, subtle nods to his past work, boasts about his skills, talking about how he started from the bottom… It’s nothing really groundbreaking, but it’s at least continuing the idea that Slim is back, baby! I sure hope he doesn’t derail his momentum in the next couple of lines with a stupid, cringeworthy jab at a woman who literally never did anything to him!

If I was to ask for Megan Thee (What?) Stallion if she would collab with me Would I really have a shot at a feat? (Haha) I don't know, but I'm glad to be back like

So a little context here, for those not in the know: In 2022, rapper Megan Thee Stallion accused fellow rapper Tory Lanez of shooting at her feet and saying, “Dance, bitch, dance” like he’s a comic book mobster. The case was taken to court, where Lanez was found guilty and then sentenced to up to 22 years in jail. Now, the two have shouted out each other before—Em interpolataed the hook of Megan’s song “Body” in 2021’s “Killer (Remix),” while Megan referenced “The Real Slim Shady” on her feature on Lil Nas X’s “DOLLA SIN SLIME”--but I’m not really sure the two are close to the point where it’s cool for Em to jokingly reference the time some psychopath acted like a Batman villain to her. The fact Megan’s 2024 diss track “Hiss” referenced Mariah Carey’s “Obsessed,” which was about Eminem, does make me side-eye this bar.

But hey, one corny, cringey joke is whatever. Let’s see how the rest of the song goes:

Abra-abracadabra (And for my last trick) I'm 'bout to reach in my bag, bruh (Like) Abra-abracadabra (And for my last trick, poof) Just like that and I'm back, bro

So this is the chorus, and I have to say it’s incredibly lazy and boring. It’s just an Eminem-themed parody of the original chorus, and it’s not especially interesting. That being said, by token of being a chorus of a song I already like just with lyrical alterations, I don’t think it’s bad either. I just expect a little more cleverness from Eminem.

Now, back in the days of old me (When?) Right around the time I became a dope fiend (Oh) Ate some codeine as a way of coping (Mm) Taste of opiates, case of O.E. Turned me into smiley face emoji (Woo)

Here, now we’re back on track! Em is reflecting on his old self and talking about his drug-addled early career! Surely he’ll stay the course here and dig deep into his manic persona that was partly created by his addictions, and not veer off into alt-right talking points and child abuse jokes!

My shit may not be age-appropriate But I will hit an eight-year-old in the face with a participation trophy 'Cause I have zero doubts That this whole world's 'bout To turn into some girl scouts That censorship bureau's out to (Shut me down) So when I started this verse It did start off lighthearted at first (Hmm) But it feels like I'm targeted

Hoo boy, we’re whining about how “sensitive” the world is becoming and how censorship is coming to get you! Eminem is going full boomer now. But hey, maybe he has a point! You can’t sing songs where you violently murder the mother of your child and then abduct said child anymore, because of woke. You can’t rap about mass shootings right after they happen either, also because of woke. Whatever, grandpa. Let’s see if you have anything of actual substance.

Mind-bogglin' how my profit has skyrocketed Look what I pocketed Yeah, the shit is just like y'all had been light joggin', and I've been runnin' at full speed And that's why I'm ahead like my noggin', and I'm the fight y'all get in When you debate who the best, but opps, I'm white chalkin' when I step up to that mic, cock it then "Oh my God, it's him! Not again!"

Just some pre-chorus boasting topped off with a throwback to his song “As the World Turns.” It doesn’t completely erase the bad taste of his whiny boomerisms out of your mouth, but it’s at least something.

Sometimes, I wonder what the old me'd say (If what?) If he could see the way shit is today (Look at this shit, man) He'd probably say that everything is gay (Like happy) What's my name? What's my name? (Slim Shady)

Em’s had a long, troubled reputation with queerness. He came under a lot of fire for homophobia back in the day, but then his friendship with Elton John happened. There’s also his brief appearance in the Seth Rogen movie The Interview, where he plays himself as a closeted gay man. Even still, he’s often used queerness as jokes in his songs, mainly as an attempt to emasculate his opponents (something he even did to an actual queer rapper, Tyler the Creator). As a bisexual man myself, I do find it tasteless in general, but in the context of this song I thing it’s ok. Like yeah, the homophobic crackhead Slim Shady persona would call the world we live in gay. The line still feels a little weird, though; is the Slim persona actually singing this song, or is this Em reflecting on the Slim persona? It kind of muddies the water, and makes it hard to figure just how seriously we’re supposed to be taking everything here.

So how many little kids still wanna act like me? (Haha) I'm a bigger prick than cacti be (Yeah) And that's why these (What?) Words sting just like you were being attacked by bees (Bzz) In the coupe, leaning back my seat (What?) Bumpin' R. Kelly's favorite group (Uh), the black guy (Guy) pees (Pees, haha) In my Air Max 90s White Ts, walkin' parental advisory

Verse three starts off pretty good! The R. Kelly joke is extremely juvenile and crass, but that’s the sort of thing I enjoy from Slim. It may be low-hanging fruit, but that’s the fruit you wanna grab the most. Now what wacky sort of humor is Slim going to bring to this verse next? Surely he won’t make some incredibly stupid and corny joke that isn’t funny in the slightest and derails the whole song!

My transgender cat's Siamese (Why?) Identifies as black, but acts Chinese (Haha)

According to Genius, this line might actually be a reference to a Dave Chapelle bit from 2019’s Sticks & Stones. If that’s the case, I really don’t need to say much more. There’s no way to read this line in anything other than the worst possible light.

Like a motherfuckin' Hacky Sack, I treat (What?) The whole world 'cause I got it at my feet (Yeah) How can I explain to you (What?) That even myself I'm a danger to? (Yeah) I hop on tracks like a kangaroo And say a few things or two to anger you

So he does openly admit he says fucked up stuff to get a rise out of people. Going in to the song, I knew this. The guy’s a provocateur, it’s what he does, and the Slim persona has always been about being as flagrantly offensive as possible. But the thing is, even the stuff here I’m taking issue with doesn’t make me mad; I’m more disappointed than anything, really. Like he has to know that times have changed and people really aren’t all in on this sort of humor anymore, right? What is the point of bringing Slim back to a world that has evolved beyond him, even if to finally kill him off? If that’s what he wanted to do he could do it without trying to showcase the dated humor. This is the musical equivalent of watching an 80s sex comedy like Porky’s or Revenge of the Nerds. Like maybe it was funny way back when, but looking back at it through a modern lens it’s just really gross and unpleasant and full of terrible messages.

But fuck that, if I think that shit, I'ma say that shit Cancel me, what? Okay, that's it Go ahead, Paul, quit, snake-ass prick You male cross dresser (Haha), fake-ass bitch And I'll probably get shit for that (Watch) But you can all suck my dick, in fact Fuck them, fuck Dre, fuck Jimmy, fuck me, fuck you Fuck my own kids, they're brats (Fuck 'em) They can screw off (Yeah), them and you all (Uh) You too, Paul (Punk), got two balls Big as RuPaul's (Woah) What you thought you saw ain't what you saw (Nah) 'Cause you're never gon' see me Caught sleepin' and see the kidnappin' never did happen Like Sherri Papini, Harry Houdini I vanish into the thin air as I'm leavin' like

The rest of the final verse, save for another tired shot at cancel culture, is fine. I might even say it’s a bit funny; I like him taking at shot at Dre, himself, everyone he’s worked with, his own kids… That part is where it is really obvious the whole thing is tongue-in-cheek, because he is by all accounts a good and loving dad. Making fun of RuPaul and Papini are fine in my book too.

So I’ve been pretty critical of this song and rather unamused by a lot of its jokes. This must mean I hate it, right? Well… no. I can’t say I love it, but I really don’t think this is awful. Trust me, I’ve heard awful Eminem and this isn’t it. “Just Lose It” and “We Made You” are light years ahead of this song in terms of awfulness. On top of that, this is also the first single off of an album that’s all about killing Slim—I don’t really have the full context. For all I know, this could be part of an overarching concept of the album, Slim’s last ride before his inevitable death, and in that regard this is definitely a perfect modern take on the classic Slim Shady song, warts and all. We just live in a world where his kind of humor doesn’t age badly, it just ends up dead on arrival more often than not.

If nothing else, it still showcases Eminem has great flow, great wit, clever writing… and that’s what he should stick to instead of making tired, unfunny boomer jokes about cancel culture and queer people just to rile people up. Hopefully that’s what the rest of the album will be like when it drops. I doubt I’m going to review every single song on it since I’m no Todd in the Shadows and my musical knowledge is very casual, but maybe I’ll give my opinions. Until that time, though, I think I’ll just listen to “Venom” again.

[arcan3-reliquary]

Songs that make me think of aventio/Golden Ratio

Because they make me ill and me thinking about their dynamic at any point in their story is like giving a german shepard a kong toy full of peanut butter

Im gonna separate this into pre established relationship vibes and then once they're actually established and in love. because I feel like those 2 dynamics can be veeery different.

PRE ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP - Pre HSR cannon to just before Penacony

Training Season - Dua Lipa (i cant explain this, but just hear me out)

My Strange Addiction - Billie Eilish (again, trust me yall)

Bad Romance - Gaga (Specifically the Halestorm cover, I saw them edited to it and it changed my brain chemistry)

Poker Face - Lady Gaga ("Ratio fell first, Aven was messing around then fell harder" anyone?)

Northern Attitude - Noah Kahan (Again, the intimacy issues arise)

Mary - Alex G (Aven POV. No further explaination needed)

Crushing Me - Grease: Rise of The Pink Ladies (Ratio not knowing how to feel about having feelings is just UGH YES)

Silly Girl - chloe moriondo ( I think it really could work either way, but especially Avens POV. seeing Ratio as perfect, realizing he's not, then thinking, "of course I'd think of him like that, I'm fucked up")

a kind thing to do - Cavetown Ft. Vic Fuentes (this is one that only really makes sense if you listen to it, plus the entire album fucks so go listen to it)

ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP - From beginning of Penacony to post-cannon

Don't Wake Me Up - The Hush Sound (Ratio POV, specifically post Aven walking into the nihility. its sad and I like that)

Ghost of Chicago - Noah Floersch (Aven POV in the most unexpected way possible. He loves his husband and is surprisingly tender about it.)

Somebody To You - The Vamps ( They give me cheesy romance pop vibes)

We'll Never Have Sex - Leith Ross (Aven being in a relationship thats not full of ulterior motives/conditions being something new and a little scary, but also lovely)

Treehouse - Alex G (Ratio finally letting someone into his inner thoughts who's able to understand him, and w Aven the feeling's mutual)

Painkillers - Rainbow Kitten Surprise (they give me STRONG RKS vibes)

Clusterhug - IDK HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (something something fundamentally conflicting views but somehow two sides of the same coin)

Juliet - Cavetown (emotionally walled off and alexithymic Ratio my beloved. I def think Aven is the one person who hears any of the insecurites he has, particularly because he's spent so long playing up the almost mythical Scholar role.)

and thats it i've yapped enough, i had to write this or i wouldn't get any more fic writing done just thinking about it lol

[nelliesnellie]

Hit by a Tegan And Sara Shaped Brick

Have you ever heard a song for the first time in over a decade, completely forgotten about? It hits you like a fucking brick. Or that's how it works for me anyway.

This is basically a journal-y musing about Tegan And Sara, growing up kinda repressed, and mowing lawns while listening to college radio.

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I'm having a pretty angsty day as it is — something that listening to Tegan And Sara was never bound to help. But I have a 12ish-year-old mental note rattling around my brain that says "listen to Tegan and Sara" and I needed to clear some clutter. Besides, apparently I'm a dyke in Canada. To not give them a go would be simply irresponsible.

So picking an album somewhat at random, I put on The Con. Immediately good shit. I can get pretty nostalgic about 2000s indie music, even though I only got into it in like 2010. Maybe missing out on the heyday is part of that nostalgia — after all, nostalgia is based missing an experience more than it is living one. I got through two-thirds of the album. It's a great experience. This is no surprise. I am, in fact, the demographic. Every time one of their songs has come up in the past its made me want to do this dive and it was not disappointing.

And then the song "Nineteen" starts playing. I'm hit by a peculiar wave of emotion and I stop playing Tetris mid-game. THIS WAS IT. I had heard it once before, about 12 years ago, and was immediately smacked upside the head with a clear memory.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

In my mid-teens I had a summer job mowing lawns. Yeah that's right. I'm intimately familiar with the blended smell of fresh cut grass, gasoline, and occasionally hot dog shit. The sound of the mower engine masking a chorus of bugs. This was in Northern New York — a largely rural place which comes with most of the expectations one might have of the American countryside.

It was an awkward place to grow up as a queer indie kid. Hell, I didn't have the resources to even begin to understand that I was a transfeminine lesbian. I just knew I was different, that something was off.

I did not take for granted any accessible source of "cool music." This included the local college radio station. It went to shit by the time I attended that school, but in my mid-teens it was exactly what one wants of a college radio station, playing its delightful indie nonsense. And when I mowed lawns, I would often tune in on the radio built into my chunky, noise-protective headset I wore to protect me from the wretched sound of the combustion engine.

And that's how I heard "Nineteen" by Tegan And Sara for the first time. And the song HIT. It's full of this longing passion. To me it evoked a deep yearning for something I couldn't even articulate. "I felt you in my legs before I even met you." It was aesthetically and thematically evocative of something I was missing without being able to articulate. Something so deep I don't think I could've spoken about it, to quote an entirely separate artist. And their sound has this undeniable "cool girl" energy that was deeply aspirational to me in a way I didn't even understand at the time (classic trans girl egg situation).

In spite of all that, I never followed up on looking them up though. Probably because this was the iTunes days when I only got music from sharing mp3s with friends, the weekly free iTunes downloads, and the occasional iTunes giftcards. But it was one of those memorable first-listen experiences, like the time I first heard Regina Spektor laying in my bed one night listening to the same station on a shitty handmedown mp3 player that had a built in radio. Ugh. Why does Spektor have to be a Zionist?

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

I think this aesthetic of cool-girl longing is why it hit me so hard back then, and hearing it for the second time at nearly 30. By this point I've found myself, I've found my people, I've found my life. I've made it across that enigmatic chasm I felt the first time I heard it. It's not really a journey I think about that often, it just is what it is. But this time it just swept me down like an undertow.

I don't even know that its an amazing song. Like its a GOOD song. But I feel like my subjective experience is what makes it really hit.

Time travel is a heavy drug. Maybe next time I'll talk about hearing Tubthumping for the first time as an adult lmao.

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2023

What a weird year for pop music, full of strange trends, confusing garbage and unexpected hits. Once again, even if the charts don’t always reflect it, music as a whole is currently very interesting to follow closely.

Disclaimers / Rules:

I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these lists. There’s songs that charted in my country way higher than they did in the US, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

No song that I already put on a previous list is elligible.

No old hit song that is re-charting due to a holiday or a trend is elligible either.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible.

I have sound-to-color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

A lot of bad stuff happened to me this year (several accidents in a row, and also my cat died) but some good stuff too, thank goodness. I only went to two concerts this year (Bloodywood and BMTH), but they were both absolutely amazing. Pretty sure the Bring Me The Horizon one was the best concert I ever went to, actually, and there's a lot of competition considering all the great ones I went to in 2022. I'm just sad 100 gecs had to cancel theirs, I was really looking forward to it. Oh well.

Let’s start with the good or interesting albums that came out in 2023, and oh my, that's a long list already.

Albums

Starting as usual with stuff that disappointed me: Depeche Mode's Memento Mori was... actually it was all right, but I miss the days when I could get excited about a new Depeche Mode album, I really do.

Pink Tape by Lil Uzi Vert was a giant fucking mess. There's some absolute bangers on it, and then you get to the next track and it's the worst thing you've ever heard. Which makes for an interesting listening experience, for sure, but one I'm in no hurry to repeat. At least it's never boring.

After the Magic by Parannoul isn't exactly my cup of tea, but you should definitely listen to it once, I think. It's something special. It might grow on me, though, because I only listened to it for the first time last month.

On the other hand, I listened to Scaring the hoes by Jpegmafia and Danny Brown a while ago, and while this one is definitely not my cup of tea, it's also a ton of fun and I don't feel like a single second of my time was wasted on it. You should listen to it for the samples alone, and just out of sheer curiosity if nothing else.

A kiss for the whole world by Enter Shikari is a weird beast, because the singles are absolutely incredible, but then the rest is a big pile of nothing (at least in my opinion). But the singles, man. I really don't know how to judge it as a whole, the quality is on a rollercoaster.

Kind of the same thing happened with Electric Sun by VNV Nation, one of my favorite bands of all times if not my favorite, if you recall. Some tracks completely floored me, the rest was meh. Oh well. Noire was so incredibly good that I can live with an average VNV album dropping after it.

Fanfare by Dorian Electra was full of absolute bangers but... I don't know, there's some of the madness of the previous record missing. And yes, I'm saying the album containing the minion line (you know the one) is more serious than My Agenda. Go figure. But it's still very good!

Two different friends told me to listen to 4D by Blank Banshee, so I did, obviously. Great electro album. Send tweet

I'm not entirely sure what to think of Atta by Sigur Rós. I cried several times while listening to it for the first time and it's a genuinely impressive series of tracks, but it's also so devastating I've only relistened to it twice since then.

I only discovered Svalbard a couple of years ago, and this year they dropped The weight of the mask, which might be even better than their previous album. It's mostly about depression and trying to fake normality while being depressed. Not a very pleasant topic, and yet this is full of energy and... hope? Everything sounds unbearably bright and between the screams, you feel like everything will be better eventually. Great stuff.

Speaking of depression, there's also No joy by Spanish Love Songs. If you recall their previous album was my album of the year a few lists ago. Their sound changed slightly, and at times it almost sounds like The Killers, but not in a bad way. There's a couple of tracks I don't like very much, but the writing is still on point, and some tracks are among my faves I put in the "unelligible songs" part.

Census Designated by Jane Remover, on the other hand, came out of nowhere just to kick me in the face. I don't even know what to say about that one. Go listen to it.

I found Gunship almost by accident a few months ago, and they immediately dropped a new album, called Unicorn. It's just a huge pile of great synthpop through and through - if you don't mind a couple of really stupid lines (godddd that third track is full of them). The other downside is that it's way too long (more than an hour), and if it was up to me, I'd remove at least four tracks from it. Unlike...

...10000 gecs by, who else, 100 gecs. It's less than half an hour long and it's so fun and so varied in its sounds and so stupid while still being incredibly well produced. For the longest time I couldn't decide which one of the last five albums on this list was my favorite, and then I relistened to all of them in a row and felt compelled to play this one a second time after I was done. Definitely worth the wait.

Unelligible Songs

This is kind of a non-hits rec list of sorts, but you know the drill. I also have to mention that two songs from previous lists (The Magic Key by One-T and Dernière Danse by Kyo 2003 represents) recharted this year for some unfathomable reason.

Gonna start with my fave tracks on some of the albums I already mentioned. Because why not.

The only song I consider great on the Depeche Mode album was People are good which sounds like character development considering People are people also exists

Speaking of Depeche Mode, one band arguably out-depeche-moded them this year so let me introduce you to ††† (Crosses) with Ghost ride, Invisible hand and Holier

Lil Uzi Vert is next with Suicide doors and its deranged intro immediately followed by FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR BITCH then Uzi following that by stating they're the Crow. Yes, really. Also there's Werewolf, literally a Bring Me The Horizon song with Lil Uzi Vert on it, and if I had a nickel every time that happened this year I'd have two nickels, which isn't much but-

Wait let me interrupt this list with another song called Werewolf which I've listened to WAY too much this year. It's the kind of song you listen to ironically at first but after the tenth time that happens you realise it's no longer ironic and you love it for real. Seeing Motionless In White live kinda helped, not gonna lie, but still

For Enter Shikari, we have A kiss for the whole world, Bloodshot, and especially [pls] set me on fire, which might be one of my most listened to tracks of 2023, actually

VNV Nation had Wait, Invictus, and Artifice, which are all absolute bangers in my opinion. Ronan is angry and we love to hear it

By the way this year Pink released an extremely VNV-like song called Trustfall and it's very good but also uncanny

Kylie Minogue is also doing something vaguely similar with Hold on to now but in a more mainstream normal way btw

And then for something completely different, we have Dorian Electra singing about obsessive fans on Symphony, fame on Wanna be a star, and most importantly writing anon hate and immediately deleting it on anon

Run is the first track of the Blank Banshee album I rec'd and it's only one minute long so listen to it maybe

Technically I can recommend Gold if you want some taste of the Sigur Rós album but you need to listen to the entire album to get the full crushing effect

Svalbard isn't going to lighten up the mood with How to Swim Down and Faking it

Neither is Spanish Long Songs with Clean-up crew, Marvel, Here you are and Lifers, the last one being notable for having what's possibly my fave bridge of the entire year, and all of them for being endlessly quotable. Stay alive out of spite everyone

Also not lightening up the mood is Jane Remover with Census Designated on the album also called Census Designated

But what's this? It's Gunship with a steel chair trying to punch some joy into this list with Holographic heart, Nuclear Date Night, Taste like venom and Monster in paradise!!

And the gecs with a second steel ch- wait no it's a plastic chair shaped like a frog. Anyway here's Dumbest girl alive and Hollywood baby, and both of them go wayyy harder than they have any rights to

ok that was a lot of songs already. Here's Everything goes on by Porter Robinson as a palate cleanser

Also the first reggaeton song to ever end on one of my playlists, Sci-fi by Tainy and Rauw Alejandro

Also I'm gonna put a gif here otherwise Tumblr won't let me post something with such a long uninterrupted list in it

Ok back to the list of recs

Let's get the humiliation out of the way and say that this year I listened to Raining blood but it's super emo more than I ever listened to Raining blood in all my years combined

Oh yeah and Linkin Park released some old (finished and unfinished) tracks from the Meteora era and I'm kinda pissed off cause Lost missed the year end list. Fighting myself is excellent too, and if you want a really heartwrenching unfinished track, Resolution has a giant Chester-shaped hole where its chorus should be and the lyrics make it even worse. You're welcome

Possibly the most mainstream song on this entire rec list but I'm also pissed off Bad Idea right? by Olivia Rodrigo didn't chart enough to count for my top ten hit songs

I can offer you Eat the acid by Kesha if you want an awesome but mildly disturbing listening experience

For some electro/future pop here's Head over heels by Solitary Experiments

Wait there's also Bring the noise by Neuroticfish

Over is there if you need some Chvrches doing some Chvrching

Justice for Gladiator by Jann

Pointing at Even Jesus got the blues by Gabe Lee and saying I would listen to more country if it sounded half as good as that song, not like anyone cares

Holding on to nothing by Sierra. Send tweet

Northwind + Sky-colored dream by Strawberry Hospital and Parasite Heart is just seven minutes of cool pastel screams

And for an absolute goth banger everyone collectively decided to ignore here's Train to Harlem by Korine

I can't get enough of Nosebleeder by Lil Lotus and that's probably mildly embarrassing at my age but I've decided to stay mildly embarrassing forever

kisses by Slowdive if you want vibes and vibes only

Blood and sugar by Boys Like Girls if, like me, you want something that sounds exactly like The 1975

Choose your fighter by Ava Max if you want something that sounds exactly like Barbie Girl

I really wish I could explain what my feelings are every time I listen to The King by Anjimile but the only thing I'm sure about is that I'm feeling something a LOT and that it's terrifying

On a lighter note here's Mall rat by Durry, a very upbeat pop punk song about mall goth teenagers having fun and it's extremely good, listen to it immediately if you're having a bad day

And as some of you might have expected because of that previous gif, we're gonna finish with some Bring Me The Horizon, who have joined my list of favorite bands alarmingly quickly (that new album can't drop soon enough), and let's just say LosT and especially AmEN! were some of my absolute fave non-hit songs this year. Seriously. What the fuck was that.

And now, some elligible hits that didn't make the list.

Honorable Mentions

Tiki Taka (Vacra) - Afrobeats is the best thing that happened to the charts in recent years.

Shining Light (Aime Simone) - I wish I liked that artist more.

Unholy (Sam Smith & Kim Petras) - At first I didn't like this one, and then I headcanoned Kim Petras as a girl in a confessional and Sam Smith as the priest on the other side looking concerned but also weirdly into it, and suddenly it was a really funny song.

Dance the night away (Dua Lipa) - I'm pretty sure that's the song Chained to the Rhythm by Katy Perry is talking about

Casanova (Soolking) - This is a borderline guilty pleasure, and also it sounds like Magic System. Which is a bonus, by the way.

Calm Down (Rema) - Afrobeats is the best thing that happened to the charts in recent years 2: the sequel

Rush (Ayra Starr) - Afrobeats is the best thing that happened to the charts in recent years 3: the sequel to the sequel

Strangers (Kenya Grace) - Very good low-key track to play when you're driving at night

Bloody Mary (Lady Gaga) - What can I say. It's Lady Gaga. It's good.

I remember everything (Zach Bryan) - And for "songs that would be on the list if I had good taste-"

Going going gone (Luke Combs) - The last cut from the list. Great earworm, good writing.

THE ACTUAL TOP TEN LIST

This is a very solid list, actually. All of these things are still on some of my playlists to this day.

10 - Bad Habit (Steve Lacy)

US: #39 / FR: Not on the list

This was the last cut from my 2022 top 10 and it was a painful one, so imagine my joy when I saw it was elligible for this year's list too! Welcome back, Steve Lacy, your little song is still an earworm and a half even after all this time.

9 - Cruel Summer (Taylor Swift)

US: #18 / FR: Not on the list

I have no idea how a song that rhymes "oh woah oh" with "summer" can sound so good. Well played, madam. Well played.

8 - Star Walkin' (Lil Nas X)

US: Not on the list / FR: #67

Not the best Lil Nas X song by a mile, and still quite good! It plays a lot at the gym for some reason. The hype is real, even after hearing it pretty much every hour on the hour. And despite that weird, weird line about his dad.

Very surprised it's not on the US year-end list, by the way.

7 - Vois sur ton chemin (Bennett)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69

If you're creeped out by the AI-generated kids in the music video, I think that's kind of the point, which is why I can tolerate it for once.

Anyway, this is a remix of a choir song about lost kids, originally from a retro movie called Les Choristes which came out back when I was a teenager. And now it's been turned into a somewhat creepy techno remix of itself, and you know what's bad about that? Not a single thing actually. Play it again.

6 - Fast Car (covered by Luke Combs)

US: #8 / FR: Not on the list

If you remember correctly, Fast Car was the number one song of the very first list I made in this series (1988). And since this cover is so similar to the original song, I considered making it non-elligible for this list. I counted it in the end but put it kinda low compared to the original. It's only fair.

5 - Anti-hero (Taylor Swift)

US: #4 / FR: Not on the list

I was pretty indifferent to this one at the beginning of the year, but it slowly but surely grew on me. Everything has already been said about this song. So yeah, it's very good. I like it. It's on the list.

Moving on!

4 - Substitution (Purple Disco Machine x Kungs)

US: Not on the list / FR: #56

Some songs just make you want to move every single time you hear them, without fail. The thing is, this one plays a LOT on the radio in public settings, so catch me dancing in the aisles of the local supermarket every time it's on. It's like some memetic SCP bullshit.

At this point, it should be possible to make a great playlist with all the best retro-sounding hits we got in the past five years or so - and yeah, put this one on it too, for sure.

3 - Miracle (Ellie Goulding, Calvin Harris)

US: Not on the list / FR: #51

At some point this was my number one, and can you really blame me? An Ellie Goulding song with a drop that sounds exactly like a Robert Miles track? Really?

Then I realised I loved Robert Miles' tracks because of that dreamy piano/synth melody they all have, and that this song only had a drop/musical chorus that sounded like that, so something was missing. Oh well. Still a fantastic dance track, though.

2 - Escapism (Raye)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

Welcome to the other side of most of The Weeknd songs, I guess, but that's also what makes this track so compelling. The intro sounds like anxiety, and even when the song gets more pleasant to listen to it just never goes completely away - just like in the lyrics, in fact. Well written, well produced, everything is on point and if I had better taste it would probably be number one on this list.

Alas, I am what I am.

1 - Just wanna rock (Lil Uzi Vert)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

At some point, this was the third song on the list. Why shouldn't it be? It's so brainless compared to Escapism, and laughably short compared to Miracle. It's just a fragment of a song. It sounds like the intro of a track that will never start.

It's also by far my most replayed hit song on this entire top ten list and I can't justify that in any way. So yeah, putting anything else here felt like lying to myself. The fact it never really starts also means the hype never really ends. Going "daaaaaaaaaaaamn" along with Uzi's distorted vocals is so satisfying.

I just wanna rock, man. What a vibe. See you next year!

[bonesandthebees]

7 & 26 for the three song ask game?

7. three songs you didn’t expect to like but eventually loved

I know the end - phoebe bridgers

I have a bit of an embarrassing story with this one. a friend of mine sent me a playlist she made for my birthday one year, and that morning I listened to it while i drove to get coffee and it had this song come on. I felt like I was ascending. it was the best song I'd heard in ages. I had a religious experience waiting at the light listening to phoebe bridgers scream.

later I texted my other friend how obsessed I was with this song now and she told me she played it once for me in the car and I said I liked it but didn't seem that enthusiastic. I had no memory of hearing the song before. apparently it wasn't that memorable to me the first time I heard it 😭

teardrop - massive attack

I mentioned this in an earlier ask but didn't link it bc I was on my phone and didn't feel like going to all that trouble. anyway, my mom played this a ton when I was growing up and I was never a huge fan of it. then one day recently something switched and now I'm obsessed with it

poplar st - glass animals

I've been listening to glass animals for a long time (since 2017) and while how to be a human being has always been my fav album, for some reason I didn't vibe with this song for the longest time. then one time I was at a photoshoot and someone had a pandora radio station going, and this song came on and I was like "wait that's glass animals" and idk what it was but suddenly I was like wait this song fucks. now there isn't a single song on how to be a human being that I don't like

26. three favourite non-English songs

OOOO A REALLY FUN ONE. ngl I could fill this entire one with japanese songs because I listen to a lot of japanese music (I know what you're thinking and no they're not all from anime I've seen) but I'm trying to have variety with my answers so I will limit it to one song per language

let me hear - fear, and loathing in las vegas (japanese)

while this isn't my absolute favorite japanese song these days, it's a long time favorite and a bit of variety genre wise. I didn't know this song was an anime opening, I only heard it because spotify recommended it to me one time and I was like damn this slaps. I love j-metal so much guys

decídete - sofia thompson (spanish)

just love the vibes of this song it's so fun and boppy

khan blues - otyken (chulym)

this song goes HARD guys. I love this band, their stuff is so distinctive and they make such fun dance music. they're a siberian indigenous group who incorporate a lot of traditional instruments and throat singing into their songs and it creates SUCH a cool sound. I rock out in the car so much to this one while I'm driving (I won't link it but genesis is another good one by them)

ask game!

[squarebracketsmileyface]

if you liked Don't Blame Me you should listen to the rest of the album, Are We There Yet? the entire thing is about breakups and the cycle of toxic love! not only does the music absolutely fuck but it'll ruin you

I've listened through the album once in the background of doing other things, so I wasn't paying much attention to the lyrics. I should listen to it properly, because if it's about break ups and toxic love it'll be perfect for my Sorry It's Locked playlist

OKAY I'm back having relistened to the whole album. And this got long soooooo hiding it so it looks neater.

Romanticise This????? Alex's pov on breaking Jay's heart and betraying him. "God forbid that I romanticise this"? Like, as far as I'm concerned, Alex romanticises breaking Jay's heart through believing that it was the only choice he had to save him, he was doing it for the greater good.

You Are Here, i love this one so much and it makes me think of the entry 80 and onward fic idea I have for the sorry It's locked universe, where both Jay and Alex have kinda done a little healing (mostly Jay if i'm being honest, Alex if fucked) and they meet again under the circumstances of, yknow, entry 80. Jay's trying to kinda talk Alex out of killing him, and like, is just kinda realising how much he's had to change for them both to be here in this moment, but he also realises upon seeing Alex that he hasn't changed enough.

Idk I think it's more the general vibes of the song than the lyrics in this one but I still love it.

"You are here, And so am I, So come for a moment, And stay for a while" I think this bit is the most lyrically similar to the fic idea, like, Jay's going to not be able to bring himself to push Alex away even after he's shot him and they'll just both stay there together until Jay dies in Alex's arms.

In Between, Alex again, like, just, thinking about everything that came before, back when they were in Uni together. Like, him thinking about the things he'd do differently now (if all the shit with the Operator wasn't happening) Especially the chorus with the, like, wanting to "be like you" and "be with you" like, Alex kinda admiring Jay in a way I guess? Like, I'm thinking admiring Jay's ability to, like, be vaguely more open about his sexuality than Alex ever was. I'm terrible at analysis. THEY'RE MY BABIES AND THIS SONG MAKES ME GO "ALEX ARARARARARARARARARARA" there we go.

Then like, the last verse where it's like the chorus but changed a little? That's like Alex in the entry 80 fic idea realising how badly he fucked everything up and how there's no way to fix it now. He can't be like Jay, he can't be with Jay.

On The Other Side, more Alex, except it's Alex finally kinda losing it and realising he is very much not in control of himself or the Operator, and that the Operator is pretty much conpletely in control of his actions, or like, the thought processes that inform his actions. Specifically the end of the song I think, tho like, the whole "You wont find me on the other side" feels almost like he's resigned himself to hell after death, whereas everyone he's killed (and eventually Jay because he's realising he'll have to kill jay too now) won't be there with him. He's like, resigning himself to being okay with that reality.

The whole "I'll sleep in the eye of the storm" line to me feels like it could be about the Operator kinda. Like, the Operator is the storm, and Alex is sleeping in the eye of it, as in, staying close to it and kinda doing what it says (while also trying to still save people from it) is the best way to keep himself alive for longer so he can "save" more people from it in the end. I think that makes sense? God knows. I'm tired and terrible as song analysis.

Once again: Alex ararararrarararararrarararararararrarar

Okay. I'm done. My apologies for ranting I just love this fic SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much that any chance I get to talk about it, I will talk until my jaw falls off because oh my GOD I love these characters so fucking much.

Denial, Jam Jam Jam Jam Jam Jam. Jam. Idk, this just feels like Jam in Sorry It's Locked. Specifically because as great (comparatively) as their relationship is there are still issues they're ignoring/staying in denial of. They definitely hook up too quick, they definitely need to talk things through more before they have sex, but they don't because they really don't have the time for that. They're making the best of a shit situation and as much as Tim would like to be sensible, he'd also like to do stuff before one or both of them ends up dead. They try to talk about stuff after they hook up but "How can we speak with all our clothes on the floor?"

"Say what you need and you can stay for a while, Say what I like so I can stay in denial" Jay talking to Tim methinks. He's just trying to forget everything. Everything that happened with Alex, everything that's happening with the Operator. He just wants something he can use to pretend his life is normal.

"Won't you come away with me? And water 'til we're overgrown" Tim being so very hopeful that they'll get out of this alive and well and they'll be able to grow older together.

"So just hypothetically, Will you be the death of me?" As much as they like each other, they definitely don't fully trust each other. In their situation they can't, so they're definitely wary of the other being the literal death of them lmaooooo. But also 'oh you'll be the death of me' in the fun cute way because like, sometimes they can pretend things are normal and their relationship is normal and came about in a normal way.

[xombiriot]

TOP 3 Metal Albums I Enjoyed from 2023

A lot of great metal came out this year and it was hard to narrow it down to my Top 3. There were some great EPs released this year— Spiritbox’s The Fear of Fear, Brand of Sacrifice’s Between Death and Dreams and Knosis’s The Eternal Doom among them. Singles I enjoyed include: "On the Verge" by thrown, “Masterpiece” by The Anchor, “Enemy” by The Gentle Men (ft. Andy Cizek), “Weight of the World” by Harper (ft. We Came as Romans and Brand of Sacrifice), “Viking” by Slaughter To Prevail, "III" by DEATHPHONK (Nik Nocturnal's weird project); and Knocked Loose had the double, “Deep In the Willow”/“Everything is Quiet Now”.

My Top 5 honourable mentions: 5. [m]other by Veil of Maya, their newest does everything I want it to do, good riffs, cool effects, great vocals; 4. Soul Elegy by Termina, Nik Nocturna, Andy Cizek and friends deliver an awesome metal album; 3. Chaos Horrific by Cannibal Corpse is a strong entry and shows why they're still so loved after so long; 2. The Fox and the Bird by Ok Goodnight mixes folk, rock, metal and whatever else they want to create this really entrancing album; and 1. Take Me Back to Eden by Sleep Token is one of the albums I listened to the most because it's easy to put on when you're tired of being relentlessly pummelled by deathcore, but though its highs are super high, it just misses out landing on my top 3 because there are a few spots it lags

3. ...And Everything In Between - Unprocessed

Manuel Gardner Fernandes has quickly become one of my favourite guitarists between this release and Unprocessed's previous album Gold. The combination of styles on this album exemplify modern metal: bludgeoning heaviness, thumpy prog riffing (à la Animals As Leaders or Polyphia) and a mix of harsh and clean vocals. Despite the polish of these 9 tracks, some express such raw emotion and a ferocity that they really get me hyped up. The variety of tones and vocals kept me engaged throughout, and they blend and balance heaviness and melody so well. The guitar sounds so angry sometimes–especially the part of "Thrash" where Manuel beats the shit outta his guitar after screaming, "But you're just a fucking lie!" I love that. Other songs like "Blackbone" and "Die on the Cross of the Martyr" continue the trend of excellent instrumentation, the latter featuring guest solos by Polyphia's Tim Henson and Scottie Lepage. It's so well done and so engaging. In the short time I've had this album, it's become one of my favourites of 2023.

2. Periphery V: Djent Is Not A Genre - Periphery

When Periphery released "Wildfire" as a single I immediately bought into what they were selling. The way they transition through the various parts is seamless, the mix of vocal techniques and the jazzy interlude are all fantastic. It really captures the spirit of the whole record. Songs like "Dying Star" and "Zagreus" are also so hard. Periphery continues to show off their musical dexterity, and the band members prove once again they're not only some of the best musicians djenting their way through the world but as a collective they add up to more than the sum of their parts. My hottest take when it comes to this album is that I love "Silhouette" — it's like if you ran 80s soft rock and 90s/00s boy bands through a progressive music filter. I think they wrote this song and put it on the album just to prove they can do anything. And if Periphery is Djent, and Djent isn't a genre then why shouldn't they go in every genre direction they want to explore?

1. War of Being - TesseracT

In other years this top 3 could have been entirely deathcore or melodeath or metalcore, but this year it was djenty prog metal through and through. It's the music I gravitated to the most this year and nobody did it better than TesseracT. Daniel Tompkins vocals are incredible throughout, his cleans sounding particularly great on "Echoes" – giving us one of the best choruses before following it up with another great one on "The Grey". The album offers engaging lyricism throughout and the instrumentation is at a pedigree one would expect for a band in the vanguard of this genre. The album gives us atmospheric moments, synths, meditative passages before blasting us with metal. In many ways the whole album does what the best tracks on Sleep Token's Take Me Back To Eden do. Each song and the album as a whole provide an expansive experience. And that's why it's my number one. More than any other album released this year, TesseracT's War of Being makes me want to sit down and listen to it from beginning to end.

Other great albums: SUPERBLOOM by Silent Planet; Fatalism by Polaris; Feral by Left To Suffer; Foregone by In Flames; Ashen by Humanity's Last Breath; The Sin of Human Frailty by END; Symptoms of Survival by Dying Wish; and The Death We Seek by Currents.

[billdecker]

So it's after 6am and I've had barely any sleep because my mind is racing so here's why my party went to shit. Hopefully getting this out somewhere will make me feel better. I'm sorry this is so long.

It started off feeling a bit ahhhh because my dress was a scratchy sensory nightmare. I also wore make-up. I never wear make-up because I hate how it feels on my skin so I was already feeling a bit horrible. So i changed out of my dress and felt a bit better.

Also, I invited my sister and she never showed up. I asked her to just pop in for an hour because she deserves a break (my eldest niece is going through some terrible puberty emotional stuff; been expelled from school; sister has a very misogynistic bf who does nothing to help her in the house so she's balancing everything and close to breakdown herself). So I felt upset about that but got over it and I completely understood why. It's a good job she didn't come along after all.

Things changed when alcohol happened (obvs). We had a couple of drinks and were singing along to some angry 90s girly pop and I felt really happy. I decided I didn't want any more drink for a while which BFF didn't like and kept trying to pressure me to drink more. I think that's when I started to kinda disconnect??

Anyway, she then spent wayyyyy over an hour (probably two hours tbh) just talking to my husband about her boyfriend. Telling D her bf's entire life story including really intimate details. Her bf is a musician in his spare time and he's currently working on an album. She wanted to end my playlist so we could listen to his youtube back catalogue of black metal songs. D is an expert on dealing with people who have drunk a lot (sadly; his dad was an alcoholic) so he was kinda handling all of this while I was sitting there feeling like a billy no mates at my own party. Honestly, she didn't look at me once. I'm sitting on the other settee on the other side of the room like that fucking John Travolta staring around meme.

Then when she did involve me (like, over an hour later) she starts comments about mine and D's intimate life and she's showing me all of these photos she's taken of me and saying how sexy I look in them all and I have to change them to my profile pic. I did not look great in them. I hated every single photo. Then she grabs the glowstick dick (this is a long story, it's a tradition that we make a dick out of glowsticks when we meet up) and starts rubbing it against me telling me to do stuff to the dick and pretend it's D, and if I don't wanna pretend it's D then pretend it's a couple of the men I've talked to online. I used to chat to blokes online for a bit of fun. D knew about it and never had a problem with it. It was all consensual fun stuff. I told her in confidence and didn't expect it to be brought up. I was just slowly feeling humiliated. By this point she's drunk a bottle and a half of rum (I KNOW. I only got the second bottle in bc I'd had the first for a while, sealed, but was worried about it) and I've had three drinks that I've slowly sipped over five or so hours so I'm still very sober. But I could feel myself spiralling. Like, my social battery is running out and I can't socially mask any longer so I said I was going to sit in the bedroom for five minutes because it's cooler and I'm gonna take off my make-up.

And I knew right then I just won't be able to go for the tattoo on Thursday. I don't have enough social energy left to do it. My mood has only started to get better after getting pierced. I know my own limits and I know I can't do it. Thankfully my other BFF is on the other end of Whatsapp. She's wise and really helps me to put things in a logic way when I'm spiralling. So she said to just be firm and say I'm going to bed because I'm tired and I need some rest.

So when I calmed down I did that and I thought I'd be honest about not being able to go to get the tattoo. Then things just got worse. She started saying I have to go and get it; that she, D, and my dad will practically drag me outside to do it. That we can make a whole day of it by visiting the park and then the pub (this is literally the worst thing I can do). And I'm trying to be firm and assertive and not mask and lay down my boundaries. I said no, I can't do it. I know a couple of days before I need to do something if I can do it or not. Like when I've been to the dentist or I got pierced, I might have been an anxious wreck but I knew deep down inside that I could do it. I know I can't do this. My mind won't change. She started arguing that I'll feel different on Thursday and I'm letting myself down (the other worst thing to say to me). She starts saying we should get some more rum tomorrow and have the party again because I've ended it early and it's not a proper party. Also that if I'm still drunk I'll get through the tattoo easier (wtf no). And I'm no fun, and I've been planning this for a year only to end it early by basically being a boring old fart.

By this point, I'm crying. I'm sitting there feeling like I'm being told off by my mum. She's saying all the stuff my mum would when I'd have a meltdown about having to go to family parties or if I just didn't want to go sit outside. BFF is completely ratarsed just having a go at me. She hasn't even noticed I'm crying. So I just stood and announced I was going to bed. I texted D from the bedroom to ask him if he could tidy up all of the buffet food and decorations. I lay on the bed and just silently sobbed until I kinda passed out.

I woke up when D came to bed and then I cried some more. I asked if she'd said anything about the tattoo or me coming to bed and she said she wanted to hatch a plan with him to force me to go outside. Then she started to talk more about her bf and their life and stuff that made D feel very uncomfortable. I'm going to have to do something nice for D or buy him something nice as a thank you for dealing with it all like an absolute pro. I cried into him and then had a really good chat with my other BFF about everything which made me feel better. I thought maybe I'd feel better after some sleep and I do, but in the way that it's just given me even more clarity that I definitely can go do on Thursday. My mood is still terrible and all I want to do is cry.

Tbh I just wanna stay in my room. She's here til Friday and I don't know how I'm gonna face her. D is going to cancel the tattoo for me later today and say I have covid. I might reschedule at some point and get a different tattoo just for me to celebrate my birthday. I'm so mentally drained I don't know how I'm going to get through my actual birthday on Saturday. I wanted to visit my parents but I can't even see myself leaving the flat. I feel crushed tbh. I hadn't seen her for five years. She hasn't changed. She's always been this loud and gone on and on about the men she's seeing (on my wedding day she spent 12 hours on myspace chatting to a boy she fancied, so she has form) but I think since realising I'm potentially autistic, my understanding of my behaviours has changed so I have boundaries now to prevent further mental breakdowns being worse in the long run. So I've really changed. I'm not just willingly going along with shit. I don't want to mask and I don't want to people please.

If you read this, thank you. She's here til Friday and I don't know how I'm gonna get through it because now I just wanna stay in bed, watch comfort TV, and do some work on my writing. I'm 40 years old in three days time. I'm too old for this sort of stuff to be happening. This stuff is shit that should happen 20 years ago. I just wanted a cute day where I listened to all of my favourite songs, had a beige buffet, and it was all good vibes.

Thank you all for your very sweet comments too. I kept coming to check on here to give my anxious hands something to do and reading them really made me smile while all of this stuff was going down. I have some of the best followers xxxx

[venzilanddeathcult]

BELATED NEW YEARS LIST OF COOL ALBUMS I DISCOVERED IN 2023 OH BOY THIS POST IS GONNA BE LONG

2023 was without a doubt the year ive listened to the most music in all of my life, so there's quite a hefty bit of albums to list, and i'll try to put them in a loose order of when i listened to them, but no promises!

I will limit it to one album per band, while noting the other ones i could have listened to within the text

Sadly, i didn't get around to hearing The Beggar by SWANS yet, so it won't make this list. that said heres the first one lol

SPIDERLAND

(By Slint)

Also known as the "how the fuck did a bunch of dudes in their early 20s make something this fucking great" album

I first listened to this one at a friend's house since he had it on vinyl, and halfway through the album i was losing my shit and repeatedly exclaiming loudly how fucking amazing the album was

It's very hard to put into words just how fucking good this album is, it's definitely one of the albums that put me onto Post Rock as a whole, and changed the way i view guitar playing pretty significantly

Every song feels immaculately constructed (the weakest one being the short instrumental that comes right before my personal favorite, Good Morning, Captain, the final song of the album that's linked above) and the raw emotional output won me over pretty early into my first listen. It is now my second favorite album of all time, good shit, i urge anyone reading who hasn't listened yet to give it a shot

Give their first album a listen too!

THE POD

(By Ween)

Not much i can say about this album i haven't said before i think, so here are the notes i took about it while listening to it for the first time (on a plane ride)

"Listened to this album during the plane ride Might be one of Ween's best It's so noisy and shitty and gross Only enchanced by the plane ride nausea and the very low energy feel the altitude gives It's Like if the Best album of all time got recorded on the shittiest hardware ever i'm Gonna listen to it a lot I can tell The noisiest part of the [referring to the last song here] song started on the most turbulent part of the ride And I was all for it"

I was already a Ween fan by this point, but hadn't listened to their earlier stuff, especially The Pod since every attempt at listening to it made me genuinely nauseous for some reason, but damn did braving through the album pay off. it's one of my favorite Ween albums and every time i get a fever i put it on to at least find some comfort in the wooziness. big recommendation

OCTAHEDRON

(By The Mars Volta)

I've been a Mars Volta fan since very early 2022, but i didn't get around to exploring their full catalogue until after the release of their comeback album later that same year, with Octahedron being the last of them (the rest i gave first listens to in 2022)

It's a decently strong change from their previous album (The Bedlam in Goliath), which was probably their most intense and chaotic album, although it definitely fell flat in a few aspects (Weirdly produced, some filler that could have been cut out that makes some stuff sound samey, something that wasn't much of an issue with Volta albums up until that TBiG)

It feels like it sort of harkens back to their earlier albums such as Frances the Mute and Tremulant while also going forward in a direction that makes sense considering 2012's Noctourniquet.

It's still not something as well constructed as their earlier albums, but it's a seriously good effort and worth listening to at least once, some seriously catchy and memorable songs in here

IN TIMES NEW ROMAN...

(By Queens Of The Stone Age)

I've been a fan of Queens Of The Stone Age for basically as long as i can remember, which only intensified in the pandemic as i would spend my days listening to Era Vulgaris on loop for hours and hours

There was not a single album from them that i didn't love, something about their entire style is extremely appealing to my ears, and when i heard they would release a new album i damn near shat myself and eagerly awaited for news

Then Emotion Sickness came out, with it's Era Vulgaris-reminiscent sound, ESPECIALLY the chorus and i couldn't be happier, there was absolutely no end to my hype

And thankfully, once the album came out, i realized these motherfuckers STILL have it in them to make a really fucking solid rock album, it seems they shed the slightly more polished sound of Villains and went back to that good old rougher sound they used to have, while not ditching some of the bells and whistles that made their reunion records work

Seriously solid album and i'd recommend it to anyone that enjoys this style of rock. good stuff

Church goes here

CONTEMPORARY MOVEMENT

(By Duster)

Shed away all of those memes about Sisyphus featuring a song off this album and underneath you will find a really emotional slowcore album with such an immaculate vibe i can't help but just. sink into it as i listen, if that makes sense

Before listening to this album i was a big fan of that Experimental Dust bootleg, but had never listened to their other stuff until i did

Almost every song is just oozing with this unmistakably Duster sound that is so perfectly melancholic you cant help but just be right there with them, it's some seriously great stuff, lovely album.

I also listened to Stratosphere, but i didn't listen to it much so i don't feel like it fits in this post, but rest assured it's a damn good time as well. Great album, very sad, should probably only listen to it in a good headspace but you do you

WISH YOU WERE HERE

(By Pink Floyd)

Enough said. its peak

same applies to Animals

A FUCK TON OF ALBUMS

(By SWANS)

No, really, just in 2023 i gave first listens to:

To Be Kind

The Seer

White Light From The Mouth of Infinity

Love of Life

Greed

The Great Annihilator

The Burning World

It's too much to talk about, but SWANS is one of my favorite bands, and honestly, if you're really curious, just shoot me a DM for thoughts on any of these albums haha, i'm always overjoyed to talk about music with people, especially SWANS.

loveless

(By my bloody valentine)

One of my biggest regrets is not listening to this album in full earlier than i did. It's seriously such a fucking incredible experience from start to finish that i can't even find much to say about it that hasn't been said before, just give it a listen

MT EERIE

(By The Microphones)

Sorry kids i havent listened to the glow pt 2 yet cant talk about it

I randomly discovered The Microphones on my youtube recommendations one day while listening to completely unrelated music, but clicked due to the artwork catching my interest and was completely enthralled by their melancholic acoustic sound followed by real intense percussion in some songs, and the flirting with experimentation that goes on throughout the entire album, it's seriously great and it touched me in a way not much music has. Big recommendation

IN RAINBOWS

(By Radiohead)

It's hard to say something about this album that hasn't been said already, so i won't.

Give it a listen, even if you're not a fan of their usual stuff, this album still stands out as a pretty interesting project and i enjoy it quite a lot

Also listened to from them this year: OK Computer and Kid A, heavily enjoyed both but In Rainbows remains my favorite

DOOLITTLE

(By Pixies)

Now for my most listened album of the year, spawned from the same night that got me into Spiderland (my 2nd most listened to album...go figure)

Having listened to Where Is My Mind? upon watching Fight Club, that was sadly the only Pixies song i stuck to for a while, but once i heard this album i kept on digging and digging through it to finally get what it is that made me enjoy this band's sound

It actually took me quite a fucking while to fully "get" this album, but the album slowly earned my full appreciation and became something i'd spend days listening to on loop, enjoying the ride from start to finish, it's a seriously good album, and if you wanna hear where some of that 90s rock dynamic came from, this and Surfer Rosa are considered some of the most notable precursors to it, so there you have it. give it a listen!

CLUBE DA ESQUINA

(By Milton Nascimento & Lô Borges)

LINK TO "Tudo O Que Você Podia Ser" FROM THE ALBUM (10 VIDEOS PER POST LIMIT LOL)

I struggle to choose a singular song to link, because every part of this album is crafted with such intricate musicianship and mix matching of Brazilian tradition with a foreign, beatles-esque flavor which is so smoothly and lovingly woven into the entire record. It's an absolute must for anyone interested in the music of Brazil, and one of my absolute favorite albums of all time. i recommend this one to every person i discuss music with, it's a seriously outstanding achievement of an album. give it a listen.

CENTER OF ATTENTION

(By InI)

LINK TO "No More Words" FROM THE ALBUM

I am a HUGE fan of the Jazz Rap style developed in the east coast during the 90s, and InI's shelved debut is one of those crowning examples i now look to when introducing people to the style. Right from the start the album sets you in it's laid back vibe, with it's nice groovy beats that tastefully sample old jazz records in a way that really adds to the album's whole atmosphere. Great album, give it a try.

DUMMY

(By Portishead)

LINK TO "Sour Times" FROM THE ALBUM

While regrettably not having listened to the rest of their output, this album still manages to blow me away every single time i listen to a song off it. There's something so lovable about the gloomy atmosphere paired with those spy movie ass guitars and absolutely breathtaking vocals. every member plays such a strong part in the album's atmosphere to the point you can pay attention to just one component and still be interested the whole way through. this album is so fucking good. give it a listen

SPEAKERBOXXX / THE LOVE BELOW

(By OutKast)

LINK TO "Church" FROM THE FIRST SIDE OF THE ALBUM

LINK TO "Love Hater" FROM THE SECOND SIDE OF THE ALBUM

Outkast has always been one of my favorites in rap, but i never took the time to listen to their biggest project, the double album Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, which is kind of two solo albums from Big Boi and Andre 3000 (in that order) packaged as an Outkast album, but god damn, they made it work really well.

EVERY single song in this album is a fucking banger (GhettoMusick being one of my favorites), the only thing holding it down are some skits that, while some of them are pretty funny, still leave you just wanting to get to the next track, but anyone who's listened to enough rap albums already knows how this stuff goes (first wu-tang album, anyone?)

One of my favorite rap albums, give it a shot, i guarantee at least 3 songs from it will be stuck in your head after.

PAUL'S BOUTIQUE

(By Beastie Boys)

LINK TO "The Sounds of Science" FROM THE ALBUM

Another one of such cases where every song is a banger, the songs are all so fucking awesomely creative i can't help but have a wide smile on my face every time i listen, the crazy amount of samples in this album really makes it quite a unique listen, especially as a Beatles fan which means The Sounds Of Science is enough whiplash to give J.K. Simmons a run for his money

Really fun album, give it a shot

MELLON COLLIE AND THE INFINITE SADNESS

(By The Smashing Pumpkins)

LINK TO "Tales Of A Scorched Earth" FROM THE ALBUM

I've been a moderate Smashing Pumpkins fan since i was a kid, with Siamese Dream being a favorite, and Drown being one of my favorite songs of all time at that point, but i never took the time to listen to the album that followed it, partly due to it being so massive, but once i took the plunge i spent the next 2 hours sitting in my chair absolutely floored by every song that came my way. This is a seriously impressive album from start to finish and it's one i'll cherish for years to come, every song feels like it's earned it's place, with both the soft and hard songs being equally interesting and ear catching.

Outstanding album, give it a listen.

THE FAT OF THE LAND

(By The Prodigy)

LINK TO "Breathe" FROM THE ALBUM

I'm usually not much of an electronic music guy, but this album really caught my attention after watching Dario Casali's playthrough of Half-Life of all things, where he said he would frequently listen to The Prodigy during development, so i decided to give it a shot, having heard some of their music (Particularly in the film Kick-Ass) and i spent the next week or so religiously listening to this album on loop, it's so endlessly replayable and just fun to listen to that i instantly became hooked. Aside from that, there's not much to say, it's a very fun, energetic album, give it a shot.

THE ENTIRE FUCKING SYSTEM OF A DOWN DISCOGRAPHY

(By...yeah)

LINK TO "Soil" FROM "System Of A Down"

LINK TO "Prison Song" FROM "Toxicity"

LINK TO "Fuck the System" FROM "Steal This Album!"

LINK TO "Radio / Video" FROM "Mezmerize"

LINK TO "Vicinity Of Obscenity" FROM "Hypnotize" (not sure why people dislike this one?)

Same deal as SWANS, too much to talk about, shoot me a dm about it if you're really that curious, i don't mind.

ALL OF IT IS FUCKING GREAT. GIVE THEM A LISTEN. ENOUGH SAID

F♯ A♯ ∞

(By Godspeed You! Black Emperor)

LINK TO "East Hastings" FROM THE ALBUM

It's hard for me to put into words what listening to this album for the first time did for me. It's one of the most atmospheric, wonderful things i've ever had the pleasure of listening to, all 3 songs in this masterpiece keep me entranced until the very last second, including the very unnecessarily long silence at the end of Providence for the hidden song. I have yet to listen to their next album, which i've been told by a mutual is even better, so i'm very excited for that. Give this one a listen.

MARQUEE MOON

(By Television)

LINK TO "See No Evil" FROM THE ALBUM

god i am not a fan of this album cover

that being said, this album is a pretty nice, post punkish record which reminds me a lot of 80s Talking Heads, but i don't have much to say about it. it's simply a good album, and i recommend it heavily. give it a shot

THE UNNATURAL WORLD

(By Have A Nice Life)

LINK TO "Guggenheim Wax Museum" FROM THE ALBUM

I fucking love Deathconsciousness, but stayed at that album for a while, until, for whatever reason, during my initial playthrough of Dark Souls 1 (great game, by the way, enjoyed it lots) i decided to give it a spin and wound up listening to it for basically the rest of the game. It has this gloomy vibe HANL is known for, but it feels like its played a lot more straight than Deathcon, it feels darker, i dunno.

Very good follow-up, even if i think the previous album is overall stronger, this one is still a great listen

LEAVES TURN INSIDE YOU

(By Unwound)

LINK TO "Radio Gra" FROM THE ALBUM

I regrettably struggle to find much to say about this album, which is a shame because i really do love it a lot.

It has this sound that is at times reminiscent of Slint, which made me immediately fall in love, while still standing out as it's own thing, it's a very good fucking album from start to finish, but that's all i can say about it really, i need to listen to it more, and Unwound's other stuff.

Big recommendation right here

FRANKENCHRIST

(By Dead Kennedys)

LINK TO "MTV - Get Off The Air" FROM THE ALBUM

Dead Kennedys is one of my favorite bands (Old Testament DK anyways, Dead Kennedys without Jello is kinda wack, sorry!), and their previous album, Plastic Surgery Disasters remains one of my favorite punk rock records to date, but i had not yet listened to the latter half of their discography, something i now regret, since it's equally as good.

Frankenchrist is a bit of detour from PSD's VERY harsh sound, sounding a little more rounded, less noisy if that makes sense, but Jello Biafra's biting social commentary and witty writing remains intact through it all and makes for an album as entertaining and awesome as the rest of their work. Seriously great, listen to it.

MAGGOT BRAIN

(By Funkadelic)

LINK TO "Maggot Brain" FROM THE ALBUM

Having started my musical ambitions as an aspiring Funk guitarist (part of why my right hand strums so loosely haha), Funkadelic was always on my radar, with their debut album being one of the albums i listened to the most and looked for inspiration in during the pandemic, but for some reason, i never opted to listen to Maggot Brain until this year, which, as is per usual for albums i dont listen to, was a big fucking mistake, since this album is filled with bangers from start to finish. I love it to death.

An absolute must-listen to any funk rock fans

AT ACTION PARK

(By Shellac)

LINK TO "Crow" FROM THE ALBUM

Being a fan of Steve Albini's work both in production and with Big Black, listening to Shellac eventually was a no-brainer, but i procrastinated on it until a particularly lengthy hospital visit where i had enough time to kill and listened to this album, being taken in by that noisy goodness until the album finished. I struggle to find something to say, but the song structures in this album are so weird and they don't hesitate to stay longer than usual and linger on some chords which gives songs this really punchy vibe i can't describe. Great album.

AND FINALLY....

UNDERTOW

(By TOOL)

LINK TO "Prison Sex" FROM THE ALBUM

I'm a huge fan of TOOL, but never listened to their debut until i saw it on a mutual's top albums list, which convinced me i should give it a shot, and so i did!

...On the fucking last hour of 2023

I shit you not, the album ended in the last fuckign MINUTE of the year. 23:59. Finished listening and immediately got up to await the countdown.

That aside, you can really see how they went from this to Ænima, as it has a lot of the harder parts of that album, with less...esoteric(?) peculiarities inbetween, while still being a really good fucking album and enjoyable from start to finish, there wasn't a single song that had me bored. A worthy album to finish the year with...and this list!

FINALLY finished writing this absolute behemoth of a post, and i hope it at least gets one person to check these albums out.

Here's to a great 2024 for all! Thanks for reading!

[swiftie-erin]

Here's my first-listen review of TTPD and TTPD: The Anthology!

disclaimer: i broke down the rankings per album because trying to do them all together would've been a hell of a journey and would've taken more than one day / been more than just a "first listen." and per usual, take the songs at the bottom with a grain of salt because all of them are so close and even the ones at the bottom feel like they should be in the top ten

Overall review: wow, this was a lot to process. I keep trying to think about whether I like TTPD or TTPD: The Anthology better, but honestly I can't choose. so much heart-wrenching pain, such beautiful lyrics, and incredible reflections on love, loss, inner turmoil, what-ifs, and using writing as an outlet. this is absolutely going to be on repeat through spring and summer!

1. Fortnight - lowkey would've loved more Post Malone on this song but this is one of my faves!!

2. TTPD - I love the storytelling and I love the way Taylor says "TTPD" and "nofuckingbody" hehe

3. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys - the imagery?? "queen of sand castles he destroys"??? omg this is one of my faves.

4. Down Bad - Love this song sonically and love hearing Taylor say fuck LOL. this is my fave song i think!

5. So Long, London - 🥺🥺 "i'm pissed off that you let me give you all that youth for free" gives me goosebumps, i love this song

6. But Daddy I Love Him - tbh good for you taylor, get em. your life is your own and only you get to tell yourself what you can or can't do, or who you can or can't love!

7. Fresh Out the Slammer - the lyrics are so good and the bridge transition is so beautiful!!!

8. Florida!!! - same bbg, we all need a dose of escapism once in a while (also i love the 🍃 mention hehe). fuck me up florida!!!

9. Guilty as Sin? - this is the song I pre-claimed and tbh it does not disappoint at all!

10. Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? - the guitar, so good omg. the emotion in taylor's voice is raw and the female rage is palpable, love this song.

11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - love the ending and love the chorus!!

12. loml - ouchie. the lyricism and that last chorus, wow.

13. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - we love a good depressive pop song!! "all of the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting 'more!'" and the click track!!

14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - men ain't shit, taylor. what'd he do? I'll deliver your message LET ME AT EM-

15. The Alchemy - i'm so glad taylor is in a better place 🥹 it truly gives "karma is the guy on the chiefs coming straight home to me"

16. Clara Bow - such a beautiful song sonically, shows both the hope and hardships of wanting to be in the spotlight

17. The Black Dog - the second verse, OUCHIE. the bridge? i've died. i love this song more than i expected to.

18. imgonnagetyouback - i love the chorus and actually the entire song tbh

19. The Albatross - i'm very intrigued with the tale we're being told. people truly will read something about you, believe it, then crucify you for it.

20. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus - such a beautiful, sad song. what-ifs (especially for people like taylor and i who have anxiety) can be so, so much more heart-wrenching than knowing

21. How Did It End? - the lyrics. the sound. everything unspoken. how everyone wants to know what happened but she's not even sure herself.

22. So High School - so goddamn cute!!! i couldn't be happier that taylor is happy and thriving with trav 🥹🫶

23. I Hate It Here - "when they found a better planet, only the gentle survived" BESTIE i wish. i'm there right with you, girl. the world is awful and living in your mind often is easier and better. also, i too read the secret garden as a child hehe

24. thanK you alMee - omg, this song. taylor is truly coming to terms with what gave her scars and acknowledging it and moving forward. i'm so fuckin proud of her.

25. I Look In People's Windows - "i'm afflicted by the not knowing" ugh me too girlie. the anxiety, the contemplation, the fantasies; i'm glad neither of us are alone in knowing these feelings all too well

26. The Prophecy - i love this song 🥺 it's one of my faves. it reminds me of Foolish One, it's so desperate and hopeful at the same time.

27. Cassandra - i'm a greek/roman history slut so i love this already. i love the intertwined story that she creates, it's powerful.

28. Peter - bruh this song makes me want to cry. Betty has turned off her porch light 🥺

29. The Bolter - I love the way this song sounds! the first chorus sets the stage so well and the chorus is lowkey catchy

30. Robin - precious lyrics about keeping children innocent so they can enjoy their childhood while they have it 💗

31. The Manuscript - as a poet and writer myself, i relate to this song so much. writing truly is an outlet for processing emotions and at the end of it, all of those feelings are part of the writing and no longer yours. you're free.

[regicidal-defenestration]

Mechtober Day 7 - (Im)mortality

Everyone gets caught in time loops now and then, you see. You just don't notice because you're the one who survives and continues with your life, unaware of the dead selves you leave in your wake.

If you're an immortal, however, things are a little… different.

You die and you try again and you die and you try again and you die and you try again and, after an eternity or maybe only after 5 minutes, you finally get the right words , the right actions, in the right order that will make a good enough story for the universe to let you keep writing. Sometimes you can even die and come back and keep going, so ,long as you know what you're doing.

You must understand - immortality is just a lie told to the universe, but if you're good enough with words, the universe will let you get away with quite a bit.

It takes practice, of course.

Doctor Carmilla died in a lab explosion, and died from direct exposure to sunlight, and stayed in her coffin when she should have clawed her way out again, but she made it in the end, made them, the Mechanisms, and the universe was so impressed it let her keep on going, even after being pushed (citation needed) out of an airlock.

As for the Mechanisms?

The mechanisation process failed and they died. King Cole found excellent new test subjects (and that one hurt too) and they got stuck on a dreamlike planet waging eternal war with itself and they burnt in the heart of a star and they never could infiltrate the Olympians before being hooked up to the Acheron and they were torn apart by squamous beings that hurt to even think about and-

Each time they tried again. Stepping over skeletons that looked just a bit too familiar, as they played a new part or wrote a new chorus or noticed the foreshadowing they'd left themselves.

And then, maybe, they'd get a coherent story out of it. Something good enough to move on with, to make an album of, something that said it didn't happen - can't have happened - for nothing.

And it makes one wonder… 

How could anyone keep living like that?

"It's the only fucking option we've got," Jonny d'Ville says out loud to an empty room. The reasons why he said it are unclear.

"Oh come on, don't give me that," he sighs. An external observer would wonder if he hadn't lost his mind entirely. Good job there weren't any then.

"Fuck off."

It's punctuated with an exasperated gesture.

"Anyway- I'm just old, not losing my mind."

And old he was indeed. Centuries- no- millennia of dying and living all in a loop, countless lies told until they stuck.

And still, his weary heart ticked on.

He doesn't quite laugh. 

"Not for much longer! This is the big one, can't you feel it? One more performance, then all those lies will catch up with us at last, I reckon."

Or maybe the universe will finally stop believing us, he thinks. Maybe all the story left to tell is the end of a tragedy.

"Not what I'm thinking, but sure," he says - still - to the empty room.

"You keep talking about "the" universe like, like it's not just a setting, like any other. Like it's not just another place to spin your narrative in. Somewhere reflected by the people in it."

Another not-laugh.

"I myself am proud to say that I've made the universe an exponentially worse place by being a murderous motherfuking bastard at any and all opportunities!" The words sound bold, but his heart isn't quite in it. He sounds, more than anything, tired.

A pause.

Then:

"Yeah. I am."

He runs his fingers through his hair and narrowly avoids smudging his makeup when he goes to rub his eyes.

"But the Mechanisms are immortal - you know what that means?"

The Mechanisms are immortal, which only means that they're good enough at lying that the universe will let it slide for now.

"Nah, see- it means people will tell our stories once we're gone."

He checks the room one last time, but still he is alone in there. He wonders at it - briefly - and then shrugs. Outside, there's a band and a waiting stage and one more chance to get the universe to listen.

"Alright then," Jonny d'Ville says, like a promise, like a prayer.

"One last time."

[moon-blanket]

My world is forever changed by the Cataclysm. Here is my descent to madness.

There's So Much More in my notes app, but that would make this post MILES long. So i've condensed it to the highlights :3

It's That Time of Year Again

Reminds me of the Prologue of the first Vaxis album from Coheed and Cambria for absolutely no reason at all. This is probably something only I will understand. And this is okay.

Light the Match

I just realized that Asher has taken over David's low, rumbly voice :((

Milo's "who you callin' a runt" had me on my knees. And Asher whispering to him afterward YEAAAAAAAH.

Alexis "shared a bed" with Quinn for FORTY YEARS ??? LMAO ??? The way Vincent drags Alexis's name through the mud is a little hilarious though, so bold.

One Misery for Another

I cannot get over how drastically different Imp!Lasko is from Prime Lasko. It's an entirely different person. I'm into it though.

Lasko wanting to continue their conversation when the "normal business hours" are over is a little unnerving !! That's a little icky sire !!

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VINDEMIATOR MY BABY MY BABY I COULD CRYYY !!!!

He sounds so relieved to see them. I'm going to go Nuts.

Him hating that Freelancer has to put up with so much just to be able to See Him, and them saying that it's all worth it :(( He sounds so SAD. He just wants them SAFE :(((

THE RETURN OF "My Love" YEAAHHAHAHAAA.

Holy shit the Demons are gonna take over the Academy. Just the idea of all of the Demon Boys knowing each other makes me giggle though :3

Vin doesn't want Freelancer in any more danger than they already are just to help them in their cause :(( and he Knows that they would do it in a heartbeat regardless :((

ooough my freaking GOD Vin reminding them that they don't owe any of them to do this, He's the one that owes his life to THEM :(( HE JUST WANTS THEM HAPPY AND AT PEACE, AND HE WANTS TO GIVE IT TO THEM SO BAD. WAAAAH.

God the acting in this video is SO GOOD ROOOOOAR.

Was Anton in this before he was introduced in the Prime Universe ? bc that's Cool if that's the case.

The Luxury of Morality

WE BACK WITH ASHER YAAAA I'M SAT AND I'M LISTENING.

He already sounds like he's warmed up to Babe a significant amount. He sounds so soft. I'm shaking the bars of my cage about this.

Asher mentioning Avior is So weird to me. My worlds are colliding.

Once again he sounds So Much like David and that makes me So Sad.

"I'm already dead. We all are. I'd rather go out knowing I tried something. Anything." i'm tearing UP.

"You want to know so bad ? Sit." AAAAAH OKAY !!! OKAY !!!

Alexis killed the Keaton Pack all by herself ?? Oh my god ???

OUGUGHHhhash Asher saying that Babe gave him and his Pack something to fight for :(( A way for his anger to actually Mean someething. To make something Good of his life for once.

He's forever grateful to them WAAAH. OUCH DUDE. Okay yep he's my Imperium Favorite. We have a Winner !!!!

What You Deserve

Oh, it's Imperium Vega !!! he's actually very sweet, I see the appeal now. This is so nice.

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OH we're picking Right Back Up with Freelancer and Lasko. This seems.... kind of normal right now. I feel Dread.

Asking about partners... saying "That body..." TO them... HEY. Leave them alone >:(

"You're with your own kind" is a CRAZY thing to say Lasko !!

VIN HAVING TO WATCH THEM DO ALL OF THIS ? OH MY GOD. VIN WANTING TO JUMP IN AND SAVE THEM I'M GOING CRAZY !!!! Hearing him this heated has me kicking my feet !!! and giggling !!

Dude i'm scared while Freelancer is doing this !!! the door rattling is frightening !!!

HE TOOK ALL THE AIR OUT OF THE ROOM ??? WHAT THE FUCK ??

Lasko these pain sounds are So Interesting !!!

"Get your Pet to Safety" / "They are Not my Pet." / "You and I use different words for the Same sentiment. Get the "human that you care for" out of here"-- EATING THIS UP WITH A FORK AND KNIFE.

VEGA CUT LASKO'S THREADS LETS GOOOO.

Worth Dying For

"Say hello to Scorpio !" / "It's Scorpius"-- this is so cute LMAO. WOOO !!!! HI GBA !!

ASH WANTS TO OVERCLOCK HIS CORE ?? WHAT.

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JETT ?? COMISSIONER JETT ??? CONSUL JETT ??

DAMIEN EXECUTED ANGEL ??? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING.

Angel you are a Hero. Rest in Peace you will be So missed. I love you forever.

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Milo is Such a good Beta. And a good Friend. He's so concerned for Asher :(((

Asher really is cookin' up a plan fr. I feel like it sounds good in theory, but i just Know that this shit is going to go south real quick.

Milo saying Asher's Full Name instead of "Ash" about all of this :(

I LOVE MILO SO MUUUCH I'M WEEPING HE CARES SO MUCH AND SO DEEPLY. HE'S BEGGING ASHER TO LET HIM BE ABLE TO HELP :((((((

MILO KNOCKING OUT ASHER ???? ASKING FOR HIS CORE TO BE OVERCLOCKED INSTEAD ?? IT'S THE INVERSION ALL OVER AGAIN ?? HE'S GONNA TRY AND TAKE ALEXIS OUT HIMSELF ?? MILO HONEY PLEASE.

Truth Will Out

Sam what the fuck are we doing outside of the academy right now sir !!

Now why do i think he's lying about really wanting to help out against the Imperium.

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Starlight has officially earned their petname :')

After Avior pointed out how it never stops raining, I think i get why Gavin said that storms remind him of Aria in his one HBW audio.

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"You're too gentle, Pet." yeah i'm going to go nuts about this.

The way Vega talks about them and the trust they put in him :((

Oooh Vega called in the Vampires. That's intriguing. General Vega sir yes sir o7.

THEY STRIKE TONIGHT ? WHAT.

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VINDEMIATOR TAKING CARE OF FREELANCER WOOOOO.

Freelancer wants to run away with Vin and forget everything :(((

He wants to save the world specifically so Freelancer can live. What if I start crying again. Get them their little house in the woods NOW.

His little "but what if they fail ?" HURT. OUCH.

"Put your arms around my neck. Hold onto me. We're getting out of here." oh my god i'm INSANE. THE DELIVERY WAS PERFECT. The quiet reassured determination oh my god oh my god.

But it also !! Scares me !! What if he really IS what they need to save the world ! aahhah oh no !!

if i said i wanted more Sad Gavin would all of you be mad at me. Him professing his love in 500 little ways through tears Got Me. That was delicious. Can we have More of that please.

Tantum Tyrannus

This title goes So hard by the way. If google serves me right it means "Great Tyrant." I'm sure You All knew this already. But i did not.

Oh my god is this Sweetheart asking where Milo is. IT IS.

Sweetheart insisting they come save Milo too RAAAAH. They pulled the "I'm not letting my Mate die when i can Do something" card and it worked LETS GOOO.

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NATE WEXLER IS HERE TOO ? No way this man is voiced by Erik. Man Damien said Fuck Global Warming.

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ALEXIS VOICE !!! This was Groundbreaking when it released. I'm glad they got the same VA for the Summit. Hey girlypop. How are you.

MILO OH MY GOD. SHE BROKE HIS ARM DUDE ?

SHE FELL FOR THE BAIT DUDE LETS GOOO. That seemed too easy. What !! IS MILO OKAY. PLEASE LET HIM BE OKAY. Milo you are my Hero do not die.

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Asher throwing Alexis's head down in front of Vincent is ICONIC.

"Impressive bite." / "Want me to show you ?"-- Yeah i'm on my knees about this.

MILO'S ALIVE WOOO !! ASHER KILLING VINCENT WOO !!!! SPITTING HIS BLOOD OUT !!! ASHER TALBOT THE MAN THAT YOU ARE !!!!!

Last Wish

All of my notes this section have :((( on them LMAO. I was SAD.

Milo's little "hey" when Asher opens the door :((( he sounds so exhausted this whole video :((

We're back to Inversion magic worries oh no. Asher reassuring Milo that he's still family regardless, just like David did in the Prime. I need to stop crying PLEASE.

Asher admitting to Milo that he couldn't have done it alone. Milo telling him how important he is to the Pack :((((

MILO ASKING WHY THEY'RE STILL CALLED SHAW PACK :((( BECAUSE THEY'LL ANSWER TO HIM REGARDLESS :((((

Oh my fucking god the reason being that Ash doesn't need to be honored with the name, David and Darlin' do... and he's not ready to give up David's name yet :(( OUCH.

WHEN HE SAYS DAVID WAS HIS MATE HIS CORE STAYS DARK :((( So the Shaw Pack is a way of keeping that feeling alive in a more Human Way.

ASHER CRYING IN MILO'S ARMS :((((((((

"I love you, Ash. Please come home." STOP MAKING ME CRY.

Asher saying "Take care of each other, okay ?" to Sweetheart and Milo. you know the way he meant it. I'm going to YELL.

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Vega reminding Avior that he is needed to lead, but the strike is happening now-- so Vega will do it. Scary !!

Despite their arguing, Vega refuses to fight Avior because he respects him. That's nice.

VEGA CAN SEND PEOPLE BACK TO ARIA ?? HE CAN RIFT ?? You know. This makes sense giving that we know that Vega is as old as he is now.

Okay. Well. Goodbye Avior and Starlight ! I was about to wonder if they get stuck in Hell again, but immediately got my question answered LMAO.

The mentioned tears and voids, like in Prime. Are those holes in the Meridian ?? They have to be right. That's why Project Meridian exists. Wires in my brain are connecting now. I understand.

This Meridian is loud as FUCK.

"Child of Land. You are needed." RETURN !!! LETS GOOOO !!!

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Asher hitting the door... kinda got to me !! that was a little hot !! I kicked my feet about it a little bit !!

BRACHIUM ????? What the hell are you doing here loca !!!

Finale | All Cruel Things

FIFTY ONE MINUTES ???

Vega is scary !! But the words he is saying are poetic as fuck !!

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THEY BOUND ALL THE INVOCATIONS TO BRACHIUM ???

OOoh Brachium being the First exiled Demon. How interesting.

Asher talking about how there's No One Waiting for him. That there is no "Other Side" to get to. David isn't waiting for him somewhere :((( Everything he ever cares for keeps Dying. And are Gone. :(((

I am just sitting in awe at this whole interaction. I am Mystified.

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Sam's evil laugh !! Hello sir !! Is this Sam and Vincent talking. Do you think they're besties :3

This whole conversation between him and Damien is. yummy.

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E'LAETUM AND MIN'ARA !!! Hi guys !! Or you !!

"Let us speak through you" oh my GOD ? They got Blake'd. They stopped Vega's rift !!! I'm sure that's what happened in Prime too.

"Bring us a Sovereign" Do you think this is the solution in Prime also... do you think this is what Hush is for. Lots of things to think about this.

Once again this Meridian is loud as FUCK !!! OUCH !! i'm just trying to hear everyone Talk dude. Please be so nice to me.

THEY TOOK EVERY SOVEREIGN ?? ESSENTIALLY KICKED EVERYONE OUT OF ARIA TO FEED ?? FLOODING IT WITH DEMONS ??

ECHO ???

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Sam turned Damien ... . . .. oh my god. HE MAKES HIM LICK HIS BOOT ?? CALLS HIM A BITCH ??? WHAT IS HAPPENING LMAO. Thinking lots of things right now. Lots and lots and lots of things.

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SAM CROWNING HIMSELF KING ??? Okay that's kinda a slay. I see the intentions he had on wanting to help Vega.

This place is about to go fucking Crazy with all the Vampires. Asher and Avior you gotta get your people OUTTA HERE.

ECHO AGAIN ??? Ooough it's the ending !! Honestly what an amazing ending. What a great cliffhanger, even though it's not a cliffhanger at all-- it's an end. Ending two worlds just to save the divider. They did in fact Trade One Misery for Another, oh the cruel irony.

Surely this won't happen in the Prime right ? haha. . ..

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THERE'S MORE ??? A POST CREDITS SCENE ?? I wonder how far into the future this is. Probably not too terribly far.

SAM GOT HUXLEY AS DAMIEN'S MEAL ??? OH MY GOD ??? Doomed Romance....

The tension is CRAAAZY. HE'S TURNING HIM INTO HIS PROGENY ??? HELL YEAH DUDE.

Final Thoughts: This was AMAZING !!!! Why did I avoid this for so long. How could you all keep this from me. Asher, Milo, and Vindemiator are my babygirls. I could literally think Forever about the Imperium Wolf Pack, and I hope Vin and Freelancer are able to keep their peace somewhere in the woods. I have a bunch of Imperium Fics that need rereading ASAP. The brainrot is Disasterous. You are my hero if you read ALL of this. I owe you my life. I'm so sorry lmao.

[constellationclarke]

Current top 5 songs

Tagged by @drbrennans i'm <3333 thank u sm omg

1. Eat Your Young by Hozier - is this any surprise?? Man owns my ass and there's something about the sound and the way he sings the words that scratches an itch in my brain but the entire ep is a fucking tune and I get tour tix tomorrow aaaaaaaaaa-

2. Break My Baby by Kaleo - normally Skinny is my go-to but lately this one has been like crack to me but in all honesty all their songs make me headbang instantly I'm so mad I had to miss their concert last year when I literally had tickets but at least I'm getting a redemption arc in July fuck yea

3. The Entirety Of The Aurora Album by Daisy Jones and the Six - fuck u I make my own rules and I've listened to the full album at least once a day since it released and making me choose a favourite is akin to torture so.

4. Gasoline by Måneskin - Damiano David the rasp in ur voice makes me bonkers and I fucking love a gritty darker song. Inject this into my bloodstream pls

5. Rest In Peace by Dorothy - took me wayyyy too long to decide on this final spot bc there's too many songs I've had on repeat lately but this hooked me from the get-go and still holds up so. Darker themed songs i love u sm

Tagging: a bunch bc narrowing down is torture! fun! And I wanna judge everyone's tastes lmao @summrsbuffy @djandthesix @octobermidnight @cada5h @platonichug @ninaaznk @harwinstrongwife @inkeclectica @reigndrops @eddiemunsons @leojfitz ofc only if y'all want to, no pressure, but also to anyone reading this thinking "oh man I wanna do this but wasn't named" do it. I am spiritually tagging u. I wanna know 👀