#alettertomyself

[wwrwtm]

Dear younger me, You took on so much that was never yours to carry. We can set it down now whenever you’re ready. Love, me. Art by earthartlab #alettertomyself #loveunconditionally #healing #innerchildhealing http://dlvr.it/Szd20b

[amaranthine-healing]

Speaking kindness to myself

Dear Jackie,

I know you are feeling this pressure to succeed, that if you don’t something bad will happen. That if you don’t put in the work now, you will regret it in the future. I know you are also impatient and that it’s hard for you to accept not seeing results.

However, I want you to think about yourself when you were 18. If you told yourself that yes, you would move back home but also you’re managing an entire house of clients with disabilities, I really think she would be proud of you.

As you move through the world, growing, learning, and making new goals, I want you to take the time and rest to enjoy how far you’ve already come.

Life is complex and it’s okay to take a nuanced approach to things. Success does not have to be all or nothing. That toxic girl boss mentality does not have to destroy you and make you think that because you play video games you’re lazy. Finishing a book isn’t the only way to gain knowledge from it. Losing a certain number of pounds does not indicate strength. Some days you feel amazing and some days you don’t but it’s okay to accept where you are and allow yourself grace to feel what you feel. 

You’re a good person, but you don’t need me to tell you that. You’ve been shown this with messages of people who reach out telling you that you’ve impacted them with your actions. Your instinct is to help others and do the right thing - to actively participate in healing the world. You are instrumental in this process and you absolutely deserve to love yourself for those qualities. You cannot convince those who do not see it that this is what you are doing. You apologize when this pressure gets projected onto others. You hold yourself accountable for your mistakes and you keep going.

I’m so proud of you my love, you are essential. 

Warm regards,

Jackie

[twistedmija]

To the version of myself I loved

To my younger self, who was too naive to understand the path paved for her in this shitty lifetime.

What did you think would happen?

Every time you pretended not to notice the difference when you heard him slurring.

What did you think would happen?

When he told you to get him another and you were the only child too young to tell him no

What did you think would happen?

Wearing that stupid yellow sash and smiling good morning to the miserable parents of a shit town

What did you think would happen?

When you cut your hair and ate whatever stifled the feeling that you’re whole life is under the thumb of abuse

What did you think would happen?

When you thought he didn’t know his own strength, but he was just so cool. He had to like you back.

What did you think would happen?

Sleeping on the couch next to B, pretending you couldn’t sense G and his evil vibes.

What did you think would happen?

When you lied to your dad and said that girl was just your friend.

What did you think would happen?

When you ripped the peach skin wallpaper and saw the foundation of your haunted house

Did you think the red led paint of the dead dripping from your foundations walls would be release?

Did you think that punishing yourself would give the world reason for hurting you?

Did you honestly think that the world had a reason?

It doesn’t.

Don’t be naive.

Don’t be stupid.

What did you think would happen?

When he called you stupid

Fat Cunt Lazy

Worthless Immature

Ugly Annoying

Bitch Crazy

And you let him get away with it?

What did you think would happen?

When parents are just humans and not superhero soulmates

What did you think would happen?

When all the skid lines of people before you bore the scars and skeletons of the misfit fuck ups that you call your normal dining arrangement

What did you think would happen?

When you grew up and started sacrificing your flower sniffing time for digging grease from under your chipped malnourished fingernails.

The fuck did you expect?

You victimize yourself

You don’t even know you’re gaslighting everyone

It’s second nature

Stop crying

They went through more than you

You don’t count

You aren’t valid

They barely touched you

You deserve this

Grow up

Get the razor

Give yourself a real reason to cry

Then wipe the tears

Because you’re already a burden

You make everyone feel fucking bad

You are a reminder of the bad

You are the mistake

Your ruined their lives

Grow up

Tear the wallpaper down

Watch the led build into a perfect little drop

You always liked symmetry

Your mom noticed that when you drew

Wipe the paint from the walls with peroxide

Dab lightly

You’re already a burden

Scars on your house won’t fix shit

Yours,

A soul made of milk, honey, and roses.

[afreenisnotapoet]

A maybe that matters

Maybe the person you like smiles at you every time you aren’t looking,

Maybe your smile is cute enough to brighten someone’s day,

Maybe everything that you worry about isn’t going to matter in a few years,

Maybe if you think you look good in that outfit you actually do,

Maybe when you think that someone genuinely cares for you, you are right,

Maybe when you think that someone thinks about you, you are right,

Maybe when you think that you are second guessing yourself too much, and you need to stop worrying you are right,

And maybe when someone says you look good they genuinely mean it,

Not everyone in your life will try to bring you down, or try to prove you wrong,

All that matters is what you think about yourself,

How much you love yourself,

Never ever stop loving or caring for yourself just because someone said that you look ugly or you aren’t as smart as them,

Everyone has a power of their own, that only they can harness,

Maybe your power is still in the process of being found,

You are growing into this amazing human being who is so full of life,

Don’t let a bunch of ungrateful people dull your shine,

You are bright enough to grow in your own light,

And trust me the ones who want you to grow will help you, nurture you, without telling you to change,

And that’s what matters the most.

-afreen

[krisisstellar-blog]

I’m begging you to please please never date someone that is possessive over you to where they threaten you and isolates you from friendships, family, and your own passions, please don’t go back to the same girl who emotionally abuses you, please don’t be with the girl that goes out of her way to put you down and make you question yourself as a person daily, please don’t subject yourself to loosing yourself over someone else’s sick and twisted idea of a “relationship” please find the strength to get out.

[sweetchefinthemaking]

An letter to 16 year old me from 22 year old me

Dear me

Take care of yourself... putting yourself before other people IS NOT A BAD THING. You need to understand that wanting to take care of everyone and everything is not something you need to do.

Understand that you are not responsible for the happiness of everybody around you. You don’t have to carry that weight on your back. Being selfish isn’t something you should be scared or ashamed off. being selfish is good sometimes. Getting toxic people out of your life is an act of self care and worth

In the future you will find people who love you. Who accept the good and bad. That will understand that you are a sarcastic asshole and a kind caring person . There Are People Who Will Love That About Ypu.

Taking a blade to your wrist will fix nothing. You don’t wanna die yet. you want to live and laugh and love.

You are a beautiful soul. To care for other even while you drown in self hatred. You are too young to be feeling like you are going insane.

I still don’t have shit figured out.but I try to find beauty in everything .its something I learned from you

You’re a good kid. Even if you don’t see it

-Older you.

[headlessintheclouds]

letter to myself

dear kat, 

this week was one where i never wanted to leave my bed. i spent most of my energy crying at stupid ass things, and thriving at my road rage from the fucking dipshits who need to get off the road - a hint that driving a lot more has contributed to my exhaustion. it’s been a week where i started off low, and dug myself deeper, because it was easier than repressing, or fighting it off. i wrapped myself in the comfort of my own worthlessness, and believed being alone was easier than attempting to manage any type of relationship. i let the paranoia thoughts and fears get to me, and waited for the worse to happen. i’m sorry i let you down. i don’t have a proper explanation as to why i feel the way i do, nor act the way i do. i know we’ve gone through these feelings for years, and each time, we’ve gotten back up - the hardest part is just sitting here and waiting for these feelings to ‘pass’. no one’s going to help us, but ourselves. you can attempt to explain your feelings numerous times, but no one is going to understand, nor care enough. i know we want to put ourselves into non-existence, but i also know there’s a part of ourselves that we love, and we use that reason to still be alive. i should tell you that at work, my supervisor told me she was leaving and it left me disheartened as i had just learned the routine of working with her. i know we also don’t like change, and we don’t know her that well, but she reminded me to stay confident in my abilities of working hard. she told me how well i worked, and how out of all the assistants she’s ever worked with, i was one who worked the best with her. so there kat, it’s not much, but a little reminder. you may not love who you are, and you may struggle to accept and believe the love others give you, but we know deep down, there is one part of ourselves that we will always believe in. we just have to work on loving the rest of us. sorry for letting you down, kat, but i know one day, we’ll learn to fully forgive ourselves. take care of yourself. 

-kat

[meecheer]

Hello how are you my delicious egg slut burger. Ive known you for 10 plus years and unfortunately you’ve changed. I remember you used to have an actual steak within you, but now it’s just a paddy. But I still love you. 💗 #throwback #throwbackthursday remember when we stroll around #dtla #thebroadmuseum and #eggslut and #lastbookstore 🥺 🌿 #foodporn #food #shotoniphone #bestburger #losangeles #instafood #instagood #instamood #alettertomyself https://www.instagram.com/p/CBT2FD_HWvc/?igshid=1tw92cp1ukpkf

[hennapaste]

Kalau belum berubah...

Kalau sudah shalat, tapi merasa hati belum tenang, atau masih saja mudah berbuat kesalahan. Kalau sudah puasa, tapi hawa nafsu masih tak bisa dikendalikan. Masih emosian, masih gak sabaran, gak bisa bersikap layaknya orang orang beriman. Tenang.

Jangan lelah, ya? At least, kamu sudah punya kesadaran kalau ternyata yang dilakukan belum merubah apapun. Tenang. Jangan anggap semua percuma karena gak ada yang sia sia bagi-Nya.

Allah mungkin ingin melihat kamu berusaha sedikit lebih keras lagi. Ibadahnya mungkin ada yang kurang dalam prosesnya. Mungkin ada yang salah dalam niatnya. Allah mungkin sedang asik melihat kamu mendekatiNya.

Jangan berhenti, ya. Jangan lupa juga untuk terus meminta kekuatan kepada Allah agar rasa lelah itu dihilangkan, dan rasa bosan itu dienyahkan.

Terima kasih karena masih berjuang hingga detik ini!

[carlytwinkleazella]

#being25 #alettertomyself Nothing too fancy, I'm just sleeping it away as per usual haha I don't know what 25 may brings but I'm as ready as I could be. Like 24th thanking 23th, my 25th is started off thanking my 24th. If 23th was a remarkable year of self-finding, 24th is the milestone year of challenges and self-dependency, it was quite a journey to get this far and it still and will always be a dream. Finally moved to a different country, a totally strange place without any familiarity. It was nerve wrecking if I have to tell the truth. Because never in my wildest dream I believe I could be here but a year went by like a spring flower bloom, and here I am, making a life on the new land. Tough but exciting, tired but worth it. I follow my heart here and 24th helped push me thus far. I realized à lot of thing today. I realized of how many blessing I have, how many people cares, and how much I am appreciated. Still lacking of so much but I'm working on it. Half a step at a time works, the result only show when I looked back 3 or 4 years ago. I've come so far to back down now so I have no choice but to push forwards and see through it till the end. i will look forwards to how my life unfold right in front of my eyes and I'll make sure to remind myself to take in all of it, the experiences that I will onyl be able to experience once and once only. I will live in the present and no longer in the past. I'm hoping my 25th will let me improve myself. Still in self-healing, but I'm going to add one more self-care to my list. Im going to keep working on my insecurities, anxiety, depression and most importantly toxic traits, rid of it before it's too late. Still working to be a better person I could be confidently proud of. I'm glad I didn't end my life at the toughest point cuz the view I'm seeing right now is Hella awesome. This is my roller coaster ride, it won't always be nice but life is a ride or die so, I'll just go along with it. You've done good, Carl! Uve done good so far. Keep going, like always, half a step at a time. #being25 #CarlyOnExplore #carlyinVictoria #victoria #canada #justcarly #milestonejourney #milestone #journey (at Victoria, British Columbia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-q4TSajg-0/?igshid=1q9kx7f2iyo2x

[sadandparanoid]

lately

lately i’ve been feeling out of my mind. worthless but a little bit careless too. it’s a contradiction that’s going on and on unstoppable in my mind. i suck at what i do, but also i don’t care. maybe you did this to me, and for that i’m grateful

[strawberryswish3rs]

There is a constant;

Entangling in the webs you weave.

I don’t know what’s worse,

The confusion

Or an ache of a breaking heart.

When it’s time to be selfless, and let go

Will you be strong enough to part ways?

Or will this be the end of your existence.

I made you my world,

What’s a world without you.

Am I strong enough to pick up the pieces?

Mend myself back together again.

Or will this be the breaking of me.

A shatter, one that cannot be put back in place.

I’m afraid it’s the latter.

I’m so scared it’s the latter.

The darkest roads will lead me home;

That once led to you.

[ruinedmyhappiness-blog]

Good morning everyone, just wanted to shared one of my last spread from September. 😘 #JeonHoseok #yeontan #bts #bangtansonyeondan #spread #journaling #jhope #bujobeginner #bujo #alettertomyself https://www.instagram.com/p/B3FCs2pB5rE/?igshid=1c2ek3x7rhmap

[rhiannon-k]

GET IT TOGETHER You’re a little tired, a little burnt out - and honestly that’s okay. You’re confused? Well - you don’t always need to have things all figured out. So stop tirelessly chasing for the end game, just simply do what you do because you want to. Isn’t that what it is? You dream, you work, you achieve and you do it all over again because you want to - it’s a whole life process of picking yourself up and getting it together. And you’ll get there, over and over again.

[darkwinterstorms]

To the part of me that was lost

I don’t know where you went

I just woke up one day to realise that I had slept for years, and you were gone

I’m learnig to replace you, more or less

Specially since I started to understand life wasn’t meant to be spent sedated under someone else’s wishes

And partly I blame myself, although it was other people who tore us appart in the end

Still, the damage is done, and the child in me was broken by those who taught me to hide, for it was "wrong” to be what I was, as opposed to be what I was supposed to be: quiet

I had to shut up, so I did, because I was a kid and I didn’t know better

I was never one to talk much,but in that time without you I became shy, I learnt to hide myself behind a wall, and that is what mainly tore us appart

I guess you will be glad to know I am learning to love what I love and leave what hurts me behind, that I love you, and that I am geting better now, learning to open up more and fear strangers less, so maybe you can come back to me one day

I miss you

[elisabetcrstn]

Society shaped, but you are you

“Coba aja, jangan takut gitu lho. Seinget papa, kamu waktu kecil selalu paling berani ngapa-ngapain sekarang kok semua-semua ragu dan takut.”

 Sore ini terjadi percakapan singkat antara aku dan orangtuaku. Topik pemicunya sebenarnya tidak terlalu besar, hanya seputar celotehanku soal dilema tergoda ingin mulai perawatan di skin care center lagi karena aku mulai lelah mengalami proses after-effect ketergantungan krim wajah suatu skin center yang lainnya lagi sudah hampir setahun terakhir. Sebenarnya, aku tak ingin mengulang pola yang sama tapi tetap saja aku ingin terbebas dari masalah kulit ini. Galau pun terjadi lalu terucaplah celotehan tersebut untuk menanyakan pendapat orang selain dari yang berputar-putar di kepalaku sendiri.

Aku selalu begini. Tidak lega rasanya bila tidak dengar pendapat dari orang meski sebenarnya aku juga sudah memutuskan. Entah mengapa perkataan orang lain semacam jadi konfirmasi tambahan bahwa keputusanku sudah benar.

Singkat cerita, ayahku yang kebetulan lewat melihat kecemasanku yang tak bisa benar-benar memutuskan di antara dua pilihan yang sangat mudah. Tinggal ‘Ya’ atau ‘Tidak’. Gampang. Tapi tidak bagiku, meski hatiku sudah lebih mantap di ‘Tidak’. Selalu ada ‘what-if’s. What if it would never end? What if I would regret it later? What if it will only get worse?, etc. Jadi itulah yang beliau katakan, singkat dan dengan lalu namun seolah membuka lebar kesadaranku. Iya ya, aku aslinya nggak gini lho.

One thing I always believe: A real self of a person could be seen since s/he was still a little child. Gimana karakter asli—paling asli—dari seseorang ya keliatannya pas masih anak-anak belum tercemar sini sana, tinggal nanti lingkungan dan keluarga yang berperan membentuk itu, either to be better or worse.

Setelah itu rasanya dapat kekuatan baru “Oke, nggak. Aku mau betah-betahin gak perawatan aneh-aneh.” Ajaib. Sepele memang, tapi ini for the first time in forever aku tetap teguh sama pilihanku sendiri padahal mereka yang kumintai pendapat bilang sebaliknya.

Masih dalam perenungan yang sama, aku mulai mengingat-ingat the old me I could remember so far. I clearly still remember my childhood when I was 4 years old in Sumatera and how I got here in Java. I was the youngest yet the thoughest girl in my neighbourhood! Anak perempuan paling kecil dari sekian anak kompleks, tapi satu-satunya yang berani manjat-manjat pohon dan nggak pernah sakit mau habis ngapain aja. Pernah hampir hilang di pasar juga tapi bisa balik sendiri like “It’s not a big deal lah ma, barusan aku nggandeng orang yang ku kira mama eh ternyata bukan yaudah balik eh ketemu mama yang beneran”. Aku juga selalu suka pada baju dan aksesoris nggak peduli cocok atau nggak, penting suka. Aku bahkan betah nyanyi sepanjang jalan dari Sibolga-Toba tanpa mabuk. Tapi, entah sejak kapan aku kehilangan all those confidence and thoughness. Entah sejak kapan aku takut bertemu orang tak dikenal, takut memakai baju sesukaku, dan takut menunjukkan ketertarikanku pada tarik suara dan tari.

Tiba-tiba terpikir membuka tumblr ini setelah sekian lama. Satu-satunya yang tersisa dengan beberapa gelintir tulisan setelah aku menghapus sebagian besar media-media sosialku yang berisi status-status yang kini terasa memalukan. Kubaca beberapa tulisan lama yang memang dahulu kutujukan sebagai surat untuk diriku di masa depan. Dan kini, aku membacanya dan benar-benar baru menyadari betapa hilang arahnya diriku di masa lampau sampai pada sekitar beberapa jam lalu. Aku masih ingat jelas saat itu aku selalu diliputi ketakutan atas setiap pengambilan keputusan in every single day. Since when I became like that actually? Well, it doesn’t matter now. I don’t care anymore when did it actually started. Thank God, I finally realized and encouraged to move on.

You were great today, dear future me.