#alina has literally been through so much at his hand

[sissytobitch10seconds]

I'm rewatching Shadow and Bone and I just got to the scene where Alina and Baghra have their first real conversation about Aleksander. The fact that Alina feels like everything new and powerful in her life is tied to him is exactly what he wants, which was why he isolated her from the others by encouraging her to dress in black. I think it's a really wonderful representation of what an abuser does, because he made her feel like all the wonderful accomplishments that she made were actually a gift that he gave to her. Baghra's guilt about her son being pushed away so that she can properly encourage Alina for once instead of just yelling at her is also amazing. It's really important to me that the abused daughter of an eccentric scientist and the victim of a tyrannical dictator get to have that kinship together and I wish more people talked about that.

[obsessedduh]

genre: smut and fluff!!

cw: implied fem reader, overstimulation and sweet and silly sex. that's it!

side note: sorry, i haven't been as frequent as i used to, and decided to make this though i'm hella sick as an apology 😭. also got hella lazy to do a proof read so sorry if it's shit. OH AND THANK YOU SM FOR 800+ AND IN LIKE THREE MONTHS TOO!? FUCKING LOVE YOU LOT!! 😭😭

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MDNI – MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

simon 'ghost' riley with a dorky wife who works at a zoo? like when you guys were on your first date and you told him you work with animals for a living, he was hooked, interested even. he literally felt like he wanted to buy a ring and propose to you there and then.

so when he comes home from work and you rush up to him and also hug him, saying how much you missed him. it shocks him. c'mon. you're dealing with a man who barely had affection in his childhood. of course he's happy, coming home to see his gorgeous fucking wife so happy to see him. it's batshit crazy to him how he even got the chance to marry a pretty thing like you.

it doesn't take long before you usher him onto the couch and give him his dinner and sit next to him, blabbering about what happened at work the same day. he just stares at you with a blank expression, causing you to wonder if you're talking too much. he notices how your face alters, and he looks back at his food and continues eating it, "so how's alina, she doin' ok?"

alina? the pregnant white tiger you mentioned a couple months ago? he remembered! you instantly perked up and started yapping again. it took everything in simon to not smile at your cuteness, he loves how cute you are. espically in the bedroom.

gosh how much he much loves your facial expressions when his cock abuses your poor pussy. staring at the way your pretty face contorts into a pleased expression when fingers runs up your thigh to your pussy to tease your clit. watching as his name falls out that pretty little mouth of yours. gawking as your wetness coats his length with a white ring.

you bite your lip, slowly becoming obsessed with simon's hypnotic touch. he leans down to capture your swollen and bitten lips into a sloppy kiss, touching intertwining in a heated kiss, one that has you moaning into the kiss like a desperate love-sick puppy.

he pulls away, a trail of spit running down your chin, proof of the kiss you shared. he thrusts his hips little faster, his cock stretching you ever so good. he ogles you as your eyes roll to the back of your head and your toes curl. you let out a drawn-out moan as you cover his cock with your currently pending orgasm. he fucks and praise you through it, grinning at the way your face scrunches up when you feel the overstimulation creeping up to you.

he doesn't stop though, still fucking you stupid. he thrusts into your pathetically soaked cunt. his tip bumping against your cervix. you whine from the painfully pleasuring sensation in your lower core. tears prickling up in your eyes.

"sh baby, don' cry. i know know... it's t'much, but you can take it, princess? can' you? yeah? there's my good girl, taking my cock s'well?" he coos in your ear, his words are as sweet as lullaby. the movement of his hips beginning to go incoherent, indicating he's gonna cum soon.

"gonna cum, love. wanna cum with me... yeah, i know you do. cmon cum with me, love." he again, coos in your ear, this time his voice is breathy with a slight rasp.

you blabber and moan out as you squirt around his length once again. your hands gripping desperately his arms to stabilise yourself when your thighs begin to shake and tremble. he buries his creamy white deep inside of you, groaning as your pussy milks him dry.

he slowly pulls out, his cock now flaccid and resting on your thigh. you both pant, tired from your session.

"hey, maybe if we're lucky, you could get pregnan' like alina, hm?"

"you're honestly such a dickhead simon."

"awww... c'mon, you know you love me."

you both laugh like high-school children and then he places a soft kiss to your forehead.

"let's get cleaned up, yeah?"

"sounds like a date."

he let's out another chuckle at your words. "mhm..."

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

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[ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes]

Sobachka

pairing: nikolai lantsov x reader

genre: fluff

el's thoughts: just some cute fluff really nothing too it haha no real plot with this one and the gif has nothing to do with this... i just like it bahahaha

The heels on her boots clicked as Y/N walked through the halls and rounded the corner. Alina, Mal, Genya, Zoya, Tolya, Tamar, and Nikolai all turned to face her as she walked in. “Don’t mind me, sorry. Please continue.” She found her seat next to Nikolai and quickly caught onto what was being discussed.

“I’ve missed you.” 

Y/N felt the corners of her lips curl into a small smile, “I saw you this morning.” His hand rested on her thigh making her throw him a stern glace and move his hand. “Pay attention, sobachka.” She noticed his cheeks turn a light pink at her words causing her to smile a bit wider and Genya next to her to snicker into her hand.

After the meeting, Y/N and Nikolai walked down to the infirmary to make their rounds.

“Sobachka.” He scoffed making her laugh loudly. “What? How is it wrong? And it’s not like you haven’t been called it before.” She didn’t have to look at him to know he rolled his eyes, “Yes, by my mother or the elders. Literally anyone much older than me.”

“Genya calls you that sometimes.”

“Well… Yes, but that’s Genya.”

“So I can’t call you by that name but she can?” 

He sighed, “You can call me whatever you’d like, Darling.” He gave her a smirk and dodged her hand as she raised it to slap his arm. 

“What am I supposed to call you then? Nikolai is so… boring and I would like to have a cute nickname for you.” 

“So nice that you find my name boring. You call me, your love. No one else calls me their love.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, bringing her closer to his side to kiss her head.

She scoffed, “Well I sure hope so!” She gave him a faux side-eye. “And it’s not that I find your name boring. You know I love your name, Nik. Just, everyone calls you that and I want to call you something else. Something special. Am I making any sense?” 

He nodded and chuckled, “Yes I understand, but know that anything you call me is already ten times more special just because it came from your lips.”

Y/N felt her cheeks heat up, “You’re a flirt, you know that.”

“For you and you alone, Darling.”

[malinaa]

as a hunger games and shadow and bones enjoyer, thoughts on a malina thg au, where they’re both tributes for 12?? mal is so peeta “boy next door, boy with the bread” energy

please just the thought of malina in the games makes me sob 😭 alina wouldn’t volunteer because honestly the only person she would volunteer for would be mal (and vice versa). i think at that point alina is just praying to anyone who would listen that let it not be mal let it not be mal not him please not him. but then d12’s escort calls out, “malyen oretsev” and her world crumbles before her eyes.

one of the big differences from everlark is def that malina’s romance dynamic is switched, on the surface at least. alina’s love for mal is so so so evident in the beginning of s&b but you don’t really get mal reciprocating that love until the latter half of the book (mal has been in love w her since he was literally a child.. peetacoded fr but he didn’t like act on it until he realized that he lost her … katnisscoded 🤭).

anyway everyone in d12 knows that they’re in love with each other but the other doesn’t know so the star-crossed lovers angle could still be played. mal is DEFINITELY charming and handsome enough to get the capitol eating off his hand (that one quote in s&s that’s like if you put him in a fjerdan camp he’ll come back on their shoulders etc etc). i think what spark’s the capitol’s interest in them is their closeness. that spark gets fanned into a flame when the tiny slip of a girl from district 12 got a high training score and idk if there’d be any grisha power in this au so use ur imagination. when the interviews roll around, i think alina would talk about mal in a way that makes the interviewer’s eyes gleam but they run out of time before they get to the Big Question. then mal’s interview rolls around and he charms everyone in the audience and when the interviewer asks, “and alina? you two are childhood friends, you grew up together. what was it like being reaped together?” and mal gives everyone a sad smile and says instead, “let me tell you a little story. i was never a brave kid.” and he laughs, self-deprecating. everybody’s attention is on him, their dissent rumbling through the air because there’s no way a d12 kid with a relatively high training score (i’m shooting for a 9 maybe. peeta’s 8 would be good too) wouldn’t be brave. “alina would argue with me just like you all are doing, but i swear it’s true. i was weak. afraid of the dark. the orphanage ran out of candles once during a storm and i couldn’t sleep and even though she was in a completely different part of the building, she knew that i had a fear of the dark, so she ran out in the middle of the night and traded some of her old clothes for a single candle. she slipped into my room, all wet from the rain but i didn’t care. alina lit the candle and all i could think was, ‘she’s so much braver than me.’ she gave me light.” mal locks his gaze with the interviewer. “she is my light.” anddddd time’s up!

the capitol’s abuzz with mal’s declaration. they feel like he’s def in love with her (he is) and she doesn’t know it (she doesn’t—probably thinks he’s playing it up for the camera for sponsors) etc etc. the games start idk they’d try to stick with each other and the gamemakers have sick fun trying to pull them apart just so that a reunion would boost ratings. mal keeps finding extreme ways to help alina and keep her safe and she’s doing the same, but mal is a good soldier. he probably downplayed his skills in training to everyone, even her because he’s a damn good shot and a damn good hunter. the 2 winners from the same district announcement gets made and they run with more vigor to find each other but when they do, they obviouslyyyyy need to have The Cave Scene so mal is injured by a mutt or something idk. the story that mal tells in the cave that gets them a Feast would probably be the similar one that peeta gave (“your hair was in two braids instead of one” blah blah) but mal’s version of probably an amalgamation of something similar to alina cutting up her hand and when baby mal said “i’m going to marry alina” and he definitelyyyyyy tucks alina’s hair back and whispers, “i wanted more for you. a white veil in your hair. vows we could keep.” and they Kiss blah blah u get it. they risk their lives for each other again, at the end mal grabs alina’s hand and positions the knife to his chest but alina throws the knife away and blah blah nightlock or whatever it could be something else. regardless they LIVE and boom. end of book 1 🙏

or you could have a thg malina au with grisha powers (but they’re hidden/not in the capitol maybe or idk) and mal does shove the knife into his heart and alina like Bursts into light and they get miraculously saved by her light and d13 rescues them idk

[iamstartraveller776]

Sleepy prompts: Darklina + 40

“I’m gonna carry you to bed if you keep arguing with me about not needing sleep.”

A/N: Thank you so much for the prompt! Here's a bit of a Modern Business AU. I hope you enjoy! [ao3]

INVOLUNTARY

Alina hadn't meant to fall asleep. No, actually she did. She hadn't meant to sleep through the alarm she set on her phone. Lately there weren't enough hours in the day between doing her job and helping Mal do his.

"This presentation could lead to a big promotion, Alina. That'll change everything for us."

Us. She should be glad that he's finally talking about their future, and she was. They'd been stuck in a holding pattern for years, the corporate climb always taking precedence. Right now, though, she'd be grateful to catch more than an hour or two of sleep at night. In few days, they'd be in the same timezone again—the six hour difference was not helping.

Until then, she'd just have to catch a power nap when she could.

"Miss Starkova."

That familiar baritone pulled her out of a dream where she was lounging on a white sand beach, and she wanted to groan. A furious blush followed in the next second when she remembered where she was: the small study in her boss's hotel suite.

"Mr. Morozov!" she exclaimed as she sat bolt upright. "I'm sorry. I was just—" She shuffled through the papers on the desk, cheeks burning brighter at the bit of drool on the quarterly financial report. Great.

Aleksander Morozov, CEO and president of Ravka Enterprises, leaned against the door jamb, arms crossed. She'd seen him out of his usual three-piece suits before, but somehow the dark grey slacks and black button-down, collar undone, sleeves rolled to his elbows, seemed more intimate. A sight reserved for a date rather than his harried assistant.

His expression was unreadable as he cocked his head. "You were just...what?"

Alina bit back a frustrated sigh. If she'd woken with the alarm, he wouldn't have caught her literally snoozing on the job. She would have been done with the reports, caught up on emails, and updated his schedule before he returned from drinks with—who was it, again? She ran a hand over her face.

She had at least another hour of work ahead of her, two more like, and Mal would be calling any minute. She could laugh, but she'd probably cry instead.

"I can take this to my room." She stood, gathering the files and printouts. "I'll have tomorrow's schedule in your inbox before you wake up, and—" She cut off at the soft press of his hand over hers.

He was behind her, so near she could feel the heat radiating from him. She resisted the urge to inhale the subtle mix of cologne and bourbon. God, she needed sleep.

"What's wrong?" He moved his hand to her shoulder, encouraged her to turn toward him.

She shook her head and tried to smile up at him. "I'm fine. Just tired is all."

He frowned, searching her face with those dark, lancing eyes. "Yes," he said. "I've noticed. You've been tired this entire trip. Why?"

Alina grimaced. Apparently she hadn't been keeping up appearances as well as she thought. "It's nothing." At his flat look, she admitted, "Mal has an important presentation coming up, and I've been helping him at night. It won't happen again." Sleeping at work, she meant. Of course she'd help Mal.

A good girlfriend was available whenever she was needed. A good girlfriend wasn't resentful. And a good girlfriend's stomach didn't flutter when her older, unfairly handsome employer stood close enough that she had to crane her neck to keep her gaze on his.

"Ah, Malyen." Aleksander said his name with what almost sounded like a note of derision. "And he can't manage this presentation without you?"

The question sent a spike of indignation through her. Worse, though, it pricked too close to her own three a.m. thoughts. "Of course he can."

"Good." The corner of Aleksander's mouth curved up a hair. "Then you can get some rest." He nodded toward the paperwork and laptop. "That can wait."

"Really, I'm fine." Her body betrayed her in that moment by yawning.

He raised his brow as if daring her to keep arguing.

She was pretty sure her cheeks were permanently red now. "Right." Her hand unconsciously reached for the pile of work, and she stopped herself. It felt strange leaving all of that undone. "I'll just head downstairs."

Her phone buzzed as she picked it up from the desk, and he plucked it out of her hands with a stern look. His expression soured further when he looked at the screen. She squeaked out an objection when he accepted the call, bringing the phone to his ear.

"Mr. Oretsev." He held up a finger as Alina opened her mouth again. "I'm afraid Miss Starkova is unavailable for the rest of the night. I need her to be at her best for tomorrow's meetings, and that means several hours of uninterrupted sleep."

Alina glared at him as he listened to Mal's reply. She set her jaw against another yawn, determined not to prove Aleksander right.

"Yes, I'm aware," he said coolly. "However, since I am the one paying her salary, I must insist that she is well rested and sharp when she is on the clock."

Mal's voice grew louder on the other end of the line, and though she couldn't make out the words, Alina could guess what was being said. Mal didn't like her boss, thought the man was too arrogant, too entitled—particularly of Alina's time. In her less charitable moments, she felt it was rather like the pot calling the kettle black.

Aleksander seemed unfazed by the tirade he was receiving, only hummed as if in agreement. "Then as her boyfriend, I assume you are even more invested in her well-being than her employer."

Alina rolled her eyes. She was going to get an earful from Mal about this later.

"Oh, and Mr. Oretsev," Aleksander said, " a word of caution. You may not work for me, but you'd do well to remember that Keramzin Capital is one of my subsidiaries." He ended the call without waiting for a response.

And now there was yet another fire for Alina to put out before she could catch any shut-eye. "Thanks for that." She glowered at him, holding out her hand expectantly.

He kept his eyes on hers as he slipped her phone into his pocket.

"You can't just take my phone!"

"Someone has to take care of you," he said. "Since neither you nor your boyfriend"—there was no mistaking the derision in his tone this time—"appear to be willing, the job falls to me."

She opened her mouth to balk, but it turned into another jaw-cracking yawn. She hated the vindication that flashed across his features. "Fine. I'm going." She tried to inch around him, but he wouldn't budge.

He held her gaze for a beat, and her exasperation gave way to a different kind of warmth. Embarrassingly, she swayed on her feet, the combination of acute exhaustion, whatever this odd moment was, and the impending drama with Mal entirely too much.

Aleksander grabbed her wrist and her heart leapt into her throat as he lifted her over his shoulder.

"What are you doing!?" she gasped.

"Putting you to bed."

She was mortified at the idea of being carried through the hotel corridors like a misbehaving child, but her breath caught when, a minute later, he dropped her onto a plush king-sized bed—his bed. She tried to sit up, but he pushed her gently back down into the pillows.

"This is where you belong," he said, and she was certain her fatigue-addled imagination was conjuring up an implication that wasn't there. "For the next eight hours, at least."

"But where will you sleep?" she asked around yet another yawn. The bed really was luxuriant. Her eyelids started drooping against her will.

He gave her one of his rare grins as he moved to the foot of the bed. "There's a sofa bed in the other room." He slipped off one of her shoes, then the other, fingers grazing across each ankle, sliding down each foot.

Or was that another figment of her crumbling consciousness?

He helped her get under the feather comforter, and she was glad that she'd chosen business casual as her attire today. Because there was no way she was getting up again.

"Rest as long as you need," he murmured with a tender expression that made her chest tight.

"But the meeting with—"

"I'm perfectly capable of handling things on my own," he said over her. She couldn't help but hear a throwback to his earlier disdainful question about Mal's capabilities. "Now, sleep. That's an order."

Her eyes were more than happy to obey even as she scoffed lightly. "Not on the clock anymore."

He breathed a quiet laugh. "And you won't be until I say so."

She heard him pad toward the doorway, and suddenly, she couldn't let him leave without recognizing his uncharacteristic kindness. "Thank you, Mr. Morozov." Because he was right; she desperately needed this.

He didn't respond, and she looked up, thinking he'd already left. He was still there, though, standing at the threshold, hand hovering over the light switch. He glanced back at her over his shoulder.

"Call me Sasha," he said, barely more than a whisper. He flicked off the light. "Goodnight, Alina."

Blessedly sleep overtook her before she could ruminate on his peculiar behavior.

~FIN~

[croptopscout]

Please stop beautifying mutilated characters

TW: major spoilers for the Shadow and Bone trilogy (post Siege & Storm/book 2) and minor spoilers for Sally Face

Very random rant about smth that’s been bothering me for a while.

Why can’t people just let “disfigured” (I looked for a different word that explains what exactly I mean and couldn’t find it, but I’m aware that it’s not okay to say that about someone, I’m just trying to express what I mean as specifically as possible) be “disfigured”???!!

I’m so tired of seeing people draw characters like Sal Fisher and Genya Safin as just pretty faces with a couple scars. Can we be for real for 2 fucking seconds? I don’t wanna put any of the fanart I’m talking about in this post because I don’t wanna call out any artist in particular, I’m sure most, if not all, mean well doing this, I just think it’s a little fucked.

Sal’s face was messed up when he was a kid. Canonically a whole piece of his jaw is missing. The cartilage of his nose is at least partially missing. He is not a pretty anime boy with a few lines on his face. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. That’s doesn’t make him a better or a worse person, it’s just a fact about his appearance. It says absolutely nothing about who he is but it is an important part of his character and definitely impacts his actions and personality.

When Alina first sees Genya after what happened to her, this is how she’s described (literally copied and pasted from the fucking book)

“It was not Baghra. I didn’t know what it was. The bites were everywhere, raised black ridges of flesh, twisting lumps of tissue that could never be healed, not by Grisha hand or by any other, the unmistakable marks of the nichevo’ya. Then I saw the faded flame of her hair, the lovely amber hue of her one remaining eye.”

She looks so different that Alina doesn’t recognize her. At first she describes her as a “what”, because that’s how affected her appearance was by that happened to her. So you’re gonna sit here and tell me that it’s perfectly sensible to draw her (post nichevo’ya) exactly the same as before but with a cute little eyepatch and a few lines over her face? Stop trying to beautify characters that have had accidents like this. They’re not conventionally pretty and that’s not a fucking character flaw.

I absolutely hate policing people’s art. Draw thin characters fat, give able bodied character disabilities if you want, make characters black or Asian or whatever you want, I’m all for representation, but please don’t erase this important part of who they are. Because it is an important part of who they are. It impacts so much of their lives in canon. And we can still love them exactly how they look. We should still love them exactly how they look, without trying to erase these horrible things that happened to them.

I chose to focus on these two characters in particular because they’re the ones I’ve seen this being done to the most, but this is true for any characters who have suffered through horrible things that heavily changed their appearance.

And before someone comments on this saying that it’s just fictional characters and all that bullshit, I’m well aware. I’m also well aware that this post is not gonna change jack shit and people are still gonna draw Genya and Sal and any other characters who don’t look “normal” as pretty, conventional faces and there’s nothing I can do about that. I have no intention of fighting with any artist that chooses to do this. I’m just asking that if you are one of the people who choose to erase these kind of physical characteristics about these characters, that you ask yourself why you feel the need to do it. If you like the character enough to want to draw them, why can’t you actually like them how they are? If you read all this and still don’t give a shit, good for you, that’s not my business. I just thought it was worth bringing this up.

Anyways, if anyone wants to actually have a discussion about this I’ll be happy to, this has just been bothering me for a long time and I felt like ranting about it. Hopefully at least one person actually stops to thinks because of this post. Maybe no one will. That’s okay.

If you have had an accident that left your appearance similar to one of these characters, I hope you can still see representation in them, no matter how their appearance is treated by the fandom, and I hope you know that you are worthy of love no matter what you look like.

[aajjks]

fiiine no evil ending 😇 this ask is LONG so just skip to the end if you want. a better “ending” for princess alina

TC!dad!JK

you gasp “good job, seoul! i’m so proud of you!” you yell when he tells you that he won first place in the art competition he had at his school. the painting specifically is all of you sitting on a hill gazing at the stars. the art is detailed and you’re able to identify each person jinseoul painting from his siblings to you and his father. he truly has a gift and it’s clear that art is his main passion.

all of your kids are back from school and right now you’re in your office with the girls who are on their tummies learning how to crawl. both girls have learned to push themselves up and kind of sit up? (you’re still working on that) but soon they’ll be crawling all over the place.

ae-cha tells you about a dance recital coming up which you will be attending, not like you have a choice anyways, and areum informs you that she wants to start taking singing lessons.

yes, areum is into singing which is a little strange to you since neither you or jungkook sing so you wonder where that talent comes from but areum is always singing loudly when she takes baths. her voice being heard all throughout the halls and you coo at your daughter finally finding something she likes because for a while, she wasn’t interested in anything, so you’re glad she’s doing something other than learning boring royal stuff all day.

in comes jungkook with a smile on his face to see his endearing children while you make goo-goo faces with ayra and ji-eun. “papa, i’m taking singing lessons!!” says areum who puts her hands up and whines for jungkook to carry her which he doesn’t fight for long. even though she’s five, she STILL gets carried around by her father like a baby because she’s a spoiled princess…literally. but there’s no one else to blame but jungkook loving his daughter so much, that goes for all of his kids.

jawon is too busy playing with his toys to notice jungkook in the room. he’s such an active little guy who loves running around and climbing. yeah, he still hasn’t broke out of that habit but it’s not as bad as before.

“kids, go wash up for dinner okay?” you tell your oldest three and they leave the room to go freshen themselves up.

you and jungkook still remain…cordial. you don’t really say much and neither does jungkook but it’s obvious that he wants to say something. i mean, here you all in all your glory. you look life’s been treating you well while he looks the complete opposite. how are you just phasing through this like it’s nothing? live everything you two did together and said to one another meant nothing. maybe you didn’t love him after all. maybe you never have.

he’s been keeping a close eye on you in case you plan on escaping and since every corner, nook, and cranny is surrounded by guards, escaping didn’t look so good for you. plus, you don’t want to get anyone hurt by doing something impulsive, so you hold off on it “for now.”

“ma ma ma ma” says ji-eun at jungkook’s foot. it’s funny because both of the twins’s first words were mama he’s sure you had a field day about it without him. he misses your reaction to things like that. you HATED when your kids said da da first since you were always with them. it was something you and jungkook would laugh about all of the time.

it feels bitter to even reminisce about it. he misses your smile and a part of you misses him too. you won’t lie, being without him, while is less suffocating, is a bit boring. you miss his cuddles and all the times he’d pull you close to whisper the sweetest things in your ear. he treated you like a princess all of the time, when he behaved.

you WANT to say sorry but your pride just won’t let you. one moment you feel like you owe him one then the next you’re screaming that he should say something first.

you don’t know what to do but you’re tired of acting like you don’t miss him. plus, he looks pitiful without you (good).

“i have to meet with someone later” you say, giving all of your kids a kiss on their cheek before making you way to the door but jungkook doesn’t let you slip away that easy.

its been too long and you two need to settle this is what the old you would say but the now you is saying fuck him! he slammed you against the wall like a maniac! he doesn’t deserve a MILLIMETER of your love

there’s genuine love somewhere. mend the bond that’s been broken

he. hurt. you. literally bruised you, called you a bitch, blamed you, then he refused to apologize. you don’t owe him shit.

you can fix this. say sorry and hold him. look at him, he’s remorseful. he just wants to love you and you KNOW you want to love him too. what’s holding you back?

getting hurt again

what’s holding you back?

betrayal

what’s holding you back?

regret

what’s holding you back?

me

“jungkook” you whisper and he double checks to make sure it’s you calling his name. you haven’t talked to him directly in so long. is this where you two finally make up? is this it?

“if…if i asked you to leave all of this behind and just run away with the kids…would you?”

~🫧

Jungkook breaks his neck with the speed, he tilts his head up to look at you. And he is so surprised to see a soft look in your eyes.

It’s almost like you look like you miss him, although he wishes that that is true, and he’s not hallucinating like the past few months. “Y-Yn…” he almost cries the way he whispers your name. He stands up and picks jieun up from the ground.

“ Run away with you and the kids?” he asks you with his eyes wide. “ first of all just listen to me please…” he inhales a breath, exhaling it out.

And he sets his eyes on you

“I am so sorry for what I did to you that night… I really didn’t mean to push you like that- oh my God I feel so bad about it. I cannot even sleep at night because I feel so guilty about what I did to you…. It’s not like I can sleep without you anyways, but it’s impossible for me to even close my eyes and not feel guilty about what happened between us… please one chance..” He starts to ramble.

“ I could run away with you and throw away all of this responsibility I would, but I can’t- you know that.. this nation is just like my child as well, even for you! We cannot abandon them just like this…

and being a king or queen, has never been the topic of arguments, or even the reasons for our flights- please just forgive me and you have to support me because I cannot do anything without you!” he walks closer to you and he puts the baby into the crib, the children encounter between their parents as he pulls you in a hug, not waiting for your consent.

It’s because he’s missed you too much.

He’s crying as he nuzzles his face into your neck. And he almost moans at the smell of your familiar scent.

“B-Baby please… one chance just one last chance, and if I misbehave again, you are free to leave me I won’t even stop you..”

[macaroni-rascal]

I have so many thoughts but so little time, goddammit! Both dance events were fascinating. The junior event showcasing infinitely better skating skills than the senior one is such a bad look. My heart broke for Yahli, but at least she had Tanith there to console her, she's the perfect person for this because she's literally lived through it. Although I do feel bad every time Tanith curls her hair just so her teams would disappoint her. Overall I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked the juniors, they were all so different and so good. Probably the best JGPF I've ever seen, especially the girlies!

Marjo and Zak are likely rooming with Lia and Trennt respectively because they looked like they rubbed off on each other. Zak looked like he knew they wouldn't have a good skate going in, so I wonder what's been going on. Marjo's hair piece is doing all the heavy lifting discipline-wide. The tech panel tried to do its job but the GOEs were a trip, as always. It's fascinating which judges fucked over their own teams. Charlene went out there with a vengeance and skated lights out, her ponytail floating in the wind like a plume of fire. They should've been in first. Barbara's stopwatch should be put up in the Olympic Museum when she retires. I love Mark so much, his ability to sneakily say things is unparalleled. When he said C/B have never won the GPF, all of us old-timers knew exactly what he was saying - they'll be handed the win. Luckily for them, G/P aren't helping themselves with this atrocious RD. Any team that's lying down on the ice better not talk to me. And Nik really isn't doing anything to get off my shitlist, huh? I was wondering when F/G's reckoning would come and I'm pleasantly surprised it was this quick, they needed a reality check.

The pairs event also made me stabby. The Germans had no business outscoring the Italians. Minnie better shield this boy lest Aljona try to poach him. What annoys me the most is that Deanna and Max repeat this trajectory every year - they start out strong, nail it at an early Challenger or GP, and then can't do a clean competition for the life of them, the choreo gets watered down, and by the time Worlds rolls around, they're completely out of gas and the judges have lost their faith in them. The axel has never been Trennt's jump, but I'm fascinated by how he's landing his former nemesis the 3S with such ease now but not the 2A. And it was only a matter of time before he started putting down lifts because Alison doesn't teach the girls how to hold themselves up in them. They need a harder throw and a Lori Nichol/Sandra Bezic/David Wilson program if they want to be competitive next year and of course they should keep spending time in London, it's doing wonders for them, and maybe they can learn a thing or two about lifts from the coaches there as well. Their free was the most beautiful of the bunch here. I see what Asher was trying to do with the SP but it doesn't really suit them, I much preferred the initial version they did at the sectionals. The Hungarians' free could also be so tender and special if it was being done by a team with any connection whatsoever. I want justice for Sara and Niccolo at Europeans and Worlds, but they also need to change programs once in a while. Is H/V's coach really powerful or something? What is going on here? What is this shit?

The women's event could've been an email. I'm still shooting daggers at Isabeau's coaching team. The way she can't recover from a mistake is deeply concerning. Amber is being served the national title on a platter this year and she better eat. Rion's skating usually doesn't do anything for me but I kinda enjoyed her here. I still actively dislike Hanna and Loena's SPs. Nina's dress is fabulous but she's the second coming of Alina on those crossovers when I'd rather forget even the first coming. Angel Kaori still doing angel shit, good for her, as an OG stan I'm fucking thriving. All I need is Wakaba back at full brilliance and I'll ascend. I'm so ready for this senior free dance event, I can't even tell you. Hope you feel better soon!

I didn't end up watching any of the junior gpf, but you're making me wanna go back and watch junior ice dance, I may do that!

Ice dance at the GPF could have been an email, I know you said that about women -- and that's fair -- but I really think this ice dance event bored the hell out of me. Same with the free dance I just watched. I skipped half the teams cause I just didn't really care to watch. I am happy F/G got a reality check, and I wish the Italians won, but what are ya gonna do? Go stalk and kidnap judges' families until they do what you want? Maybe?!

Pairs is a wild time, I think H/V have been very consistent this season, despite all their issues off ice, and the judges are into it. I enjoy them as a team, I wish they had better programs, and looked at each other more, but I think they've got a cool future ahead of them. I'm so sad for Deanna and Max, had she done a double axel the title would have been theirs. It is fun the top three teams were within two points of each other, that's a good time for me. The Italians (both teams) put me to sleep, so I don't really remember their skates.

I agree with all your opinions on the women's sp event, amen amen amen.

[clairecrive]

hi!!! can I ask for darkling smut after he and the reader get in an argument? like it starts out angry but by the end they're super passionate and cuddly? thank you and congrats on so many followers!!

A/n: you ask and you shall receive, hun! I love writing this so so much. I hope you'll like to read it too. Thanks for requesting and for your words xx This is also for this anon.

Warnings: angst, smut, fluff at the end

Word count: 2.9 K

Tags: @blackst0nes7077, @thefictionalgemini, @louweasleymalfoy @jupiterandbutterflies , @for-bebbanburg, @tarkanelima-blog, genre), @pansysgirlfriend, @acciorudolphx, @kaqua , @hannaxmaria, @vintagebitc, @deardiarystuff (if you want you can add yourself to my taglist by filling this form)

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

“You will not believe what-” y/n had the habit of not knocking before entering his room. The general had been more than annoyed with her initially, but she insisted that it was a way for him to distinguish her from everyone else.

Hear the door open? You don’t have to guess who it is, you’ll know it’s me, she used to tell him.

Now, however, she was wishing she didn’t have that habit in the first place. Stumbling into a room, your partner’s room, to find him standing way too close to another girl, wasn’t on her list for tonight. Maybe a warning would have been nice but at the same time, if she had knocked she wouldn’t have found them this way.

Her initial enthusiasm at the prospect of sharing this gossip with him had suddenly vanished. The smile on her face turned into a frown as Alina cleared her voice and took a step away from the general for decency’s sakes. Too late, y/n wanted to tell her.

It was painfully clear what she had interrupted. She willed her face to set into an emotionless expression but she couldn’t help a glance in Aleksander direction. Arms behind him, he looked nothing but proper and collected. But y/n knew him, probably better than anyone else in this world, and had learnt how to read his body. His jaw was clenched which meant that he wasn’t as calm as he wanted to appear.

Good, y/n thought, let him drown in guilt and misery.

Clearing her voice, she realized she had been standing there without saying anything for too long.

“I’m so sorry, General, I didn’t know you were busy. I should have knocked,” she excused herself without looking at them. “I’ll leave you to it.” With a slight nod, she added before hightailing out of the room.

She could feel Alina’s questioning gaze on her back as she closed the door behind her. There were already rumours going around about her supposed relationship with the General. No one knew for certain, neither y/n nor Kirigan had ever bothered confirming or denying them. Now though, she knew that words of this little encounter would spread, further cementing the already existing gossip.

Oh well, she thought as she walked to her room, by the looks of it there wasn’t going to be a relationship to gossip about anymore.

Her bedroom had lost every sense of familiarity and comfort a private space like this should have. She hardly ever slept in it anymore. Not since she and the general had become a thing. She only went there to change and so slipping into the bed felt weird and anonymous. As if she was in someone else’s bed and not hers.

Her sleep was doomed to be restless, she knew. However, tomorrow’s busy schedule prompted her to at least try and get some sleep. Even if it only was a couple of hours. Shuffling to change position she tried to keep Aleksander out of her mind.

An unachievable task, she was aware but she tried nonetheless. Things between them had been tense ever since he had come back to the Little Palace with her. y/n knew of his plans. She knew why he needed to do certain things and how Alina was involved. That didn’t mean she was fine with it though.

Not only did it bother her the fact that he was stripping the girl of her will and powers eventually but it also bothered her that he had chosen to get to her by manipulating her feelings. They had had countless fights because of this but nothing ever came out of it. A centuries-long existence meant that he was stubborn beyond belief and there was no way of making him change his mind once it was set on something.

After what she had witnessed today though, y/n wondered if the jokes were on him and he did end up feeling something genuine for Alina. Y/n herself had met her and spoke with her a couple of times and she had to admit begrudgingly that she wasn’t that bad.

Lost in her thoughts, y/n was snapped out of it by a loud knock at her door. As soon as she started to wonder who could be bothering her at this hour, the door opened and she stopped guessing.

Of course, it was him.

“I’m in no mood to talk to you, Aleksander. Please go.” She spoke, not bothering to turn towards where she knew he was standing. Y/n knew that while she couldn’t see him in the dark this wasn’t true for him. Shadows didn’t hinder his view like they did everyone else, they were an extension of him.

He didn’t speak but she also didn’t hear him walking away. She let out a sigh and that was the only way she was willing to acknowledge him. He wanted to stand in the shadow and stare like a creep? Fine, two could play this game.

Set on ignoring him, she stubbornly stared ahead of her. She was very aware of his eyes on her, stinging like needles. If sleep was arduous to achieve before now it was impossible. In any case, she closed her eyes and pretended to be at least. He wouldn’t know the difference and would leave her alone at some point.

But of course, she knew him well enough by now and he wasn’t as easily deterred. She didn’t know how much time passed but her eyes flew open as she felt her bed dip. Her breath hitched and she laid on full alert.

Then she felt the shadow of his touch on her neck and knew that he was close. Way too close that he should be. He was probably propped on his arm as she felt her pillow dip too.

“We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.” He whispered close to her ears, his lips suggestively tracing her earlobe.

Despite the chills that his touch would usually send to her body, y/n stifled a treacherous gasp. Instead, her body stiffened and she almost pushed him away but she wasn’t sure that touching him wouldn’t backfire.

“If you think I’d let you lay a finger on me after you touched her, you’re sorely mistaken.”

“Who says I did?”

“Please, stick to manipulating one girl, okay? Move. away.”

He didn’t reply but the hand that was on her neck moved to her shoulder and pushed back so that she was laying on her back and facing him. Well, the darkness was too thick for her to actually see his face but she could feel his breath.

“Do not push me away.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Y/n bite back.

“You’re well aware of my plans, don’t act so betrayed now.”

“Well, maybe I’m tired of being a pawn in your schemes.”

“A pawn isn’t aware of its role nor of the whole plan.”

“Being smart with me won’t help, Aleksander. You want Alina? Fine, go get her. But leave me out of this.” Pulling her face free of his grip, she turned on her side. The shadows around him had dissipated a bit, allowing you to glimpse at his face.

“You cannot do this, y/n.” he growled, pushing her on her back again, “you said you were in this. You said you wanted me, that you were going to be by my side always. You can’t just change your mind. You can’t.” His voice was strangled with emotion almost breaking on some words.

Y/n had never heard his voice so filled with sorrow. Because that’s what he must be feeling. She thought that he was also feeling betrayed by her but then she realized-- no, he was afraid. Afraid of losing her.

He knew what he did and he also was aware that y/n was not one to mess with. She was just as stubborn as he was and just as prideful. What she had seen had hurt her and it was only what she felt for him that prevented him from being mindlessly dismissed and removed from her life. She had not resisted him more forcefully because she cared, because the wound was still french and that meant that there was still a tiny hope left.

“That was before you fell for another woman. I can’t stand by and watch you be with her. You can’t ask that of me.” She whispered, meeting his eyes. No matter how much she loved him, that was simply something she was not willing to put herself through.

“That’s not what I’m asking. That’s not what's happening.” He pledged. Y/n didn’t know if it was a trick of the moonlight seeping in from her window but she saw his eyes well with unshed tears.

“Isn’t it?”

“It isn’t.” He insisted, his hand on your jaw holding it closer. “Alina is a pawn, Alina doesn’t know what is going to happen, she doesn’t know me.” Heaving a sigh, Aleksander held her face, his thumb caressing her cheek.

“There is no one on this earth that has ever seen me more clearly than you do, solnishko. I know what you saw, I know what it looked like because that was intentional. But I trust you to know the difference between what it’s really happening and what it looks like because they’re not the same.” His eyes were alive with an intensity y/n had only seen a few times before. He was ancient and he was skilled at manipulation amongst other things. She always tried to keep that in mind but now, looking at him, she couldn’t help but feel like he was being genuine.

Why would he want me near? There wasn’t an ulterior motive for wanting her by her side. Yes, she was the only one who knew about his plans but that wasn’t it. If it was, he would have simply killed her. Took less time than this. Also, y/n knew that the power was in her hands. If she said no, that she couldn’t do this anymore, she was sure that Aleksander would let her go.

“But the way you were looking at her, Aleks, I just-” a lump formed in her throat as she recalled the look on his face, “you’re spending more and more time with her and I can’t help but fear that- I mean she’s literally the embodiment of sunshine.”

“You’ve never seen the way I look at you, then.” Thumb trailing over her lower lip now, he gave her a weak smile. “I swear that there’s no one dearer to me than you.”

“I’m not sure I can’t stand the idea of you kissing and touching her, Aleksander, I’m sorry.” Y/n insisted as well because she knew him and she knew that the way she worded things was crucial.

“That won’t happen then.” He assured but she was still not fully convinced.

“I promise it won’t come to that.” So Aleks rephrased. It was better but still not good enough. But they could work on that surely.

“It seems to me though, that I have not done a good job at showing you what you meant to me. I need to reinforce it, don’t you think?” He proposed, using the hand on her face to pull her closer to him.

“I agree.” y/n mumbled on his lips before they smashed together. She didn’t wait for him to initiate the kiss. She thought she had lost him tonight and had already been trying to plan her life without him. She wasn’t willing to waste any more time. She was going to show everyone that he was hers and only hers so as not to leave any more doubts around them. Fuck gossip.

Propping herself on her elbow she used it as leverage to reach up to meet him. The hand he had on her face moved backwards to hold her head while her hand did the same in his hair. Both of them pulled the other impossible close, not willing to leave the smallest of spaces between them.

Sitting up, y/n used her other hand to first the lapel of his kefta. She quickly unfasted the buttons to get rid of it before she pushed him on his back.

“She thinks she has a chance, uh.” She taunted as she straddled his waist, roughly gathering her sleeping gown around her waist while his hands instantly shot up to rest on her hips.

“She thinks she’ll be as lucky as seeing you like this?” she continued, her hands caressing his naked chest, “that she’ll have the chance of touching you? kissing you?” she leaned down, one hand at the nape of his head to make him meet her halfway. It wasn’t a long kiss, she needed to make a point after all. Pulling away, she bit his lower lip earning a moan from him.

“To feel you like this?” she whispered in his mouth as her hips wiggled over his clothed member. His hands tightened his hold on her hips, pushing her down on it increasing the pressure.

“She’s delusional,” Aleks gasped as her mouth trailed kisses along his jaw and neck where it nipped and sucked.

“Mh,” y/n agreed, “let’s make sure she knows.” She promised before her mouth went back to sucking a few hickeys on his neck. Aleks only moaned and gave her more space to work on. His hands trailed up from her waist, cupping her breasts before playing with her nipples.

As her mouth lowered on his collarbone, Aleks decided that enough was enough. His hands roughly gripped the end of her gown before hastily pulling it up and off her body. One arm snaked over her waist pulling her flush against him as he sat up.

“Enough teasing,” he warned as the hand that wasn’t on her quickly discarded his undergarments.

“As you wish, moy sovregni,” she whispered sultrily on his lips knowing fully what effect those words had on him. Aleksander growled on her mouth, his hands kneading her ass cheeks as he gently lowered her on him.

Gasping as she felt every inch of him enter her, y/n gripped his shoulders as she started to move. Aleks’ hands guided her as she set a steady pace.

“She’s never going to feel your hands on her body,” she breathed as Aleks’ hips snapped up, setting a rougher pace.

“You’re mine.” She growled possessively on his lips as her hips met his.

“I’m yours, y/n. Just as you’re mine.” His tone matched hers. He sealed his promise with a bruising kiss. The trusting was becoming more and more frantic and Aleks’ could feel y/n clench around him.

With no previous warning, he lowered his hands from her ass to her thighs so that he could hold her while he changed their position. Guiding her legs to wrap around his waist, Aleksander leaned on his knees while he pushed her upper body down with his chest. Y/n gasped on his lips not knowing if it was for the movement, for the change of position that meant that he was now able to reach deeper than before or because she could feel her orgasm approaching.

Whatever the reason may be, Aleks swallowed her gasp as his lips refused to leave hers. Snapping his hips, he moved his hands from her legs. One went to stimulate her clit while the other choked her lightly. He knew that this combo would prove to send her over the edge. Not long after, as a matter of fact, he felt y/n’s nails on his shoulders as well as her walls tightening around him. He was not behind.

While y/n whimpered his name over and over as her orgasm hit her, Aleksander’s thrusts began to falter. With one deep thrust, he emptied inside her, obscene sounds leaving his mouth.

He leaned over y/n’s body, both of their breaths heavy, they basked in the afterglow. Aleks’ head rested over her chest, comforted by her steady heartbeat while y/n’s hands trailed over his back.

Once their breath had levelled and they could regain control over their limbs, Aleks propped himself over his elbow, his nose nuzzling y/n’s making her giggle at the soft touch. She loved these rare moments of softness and intimacy between them. If she could, she’d never let them end.

“I promise you’ll never have to doubt me again.”

“If you keep this up, it’d be impossible for me to.” She chuckled, referring to her limp body. She couldn’t trust her body to move. Sex with Aleksander always had this effect on her.

“Good to know I can still satisfy you.” He smirked as he leaned down for a small kiss. Giggling on his lips, y/n pulled him close, making him rest his weight on her rather than his elbow.

“I’m thoroughly sated, my love. You have nothing to worry about in that department.” Aleks couldn’t see her but could feel the smirk on her lips. Intertwining their legs, he got more comfortable on her. Her arms held him in a tight embrace.

“You’ll do well to remember it, dearest.” His voice came out muffled since his face rested between her breasts but y/n got what he meant anyway. Laughing at the idea that she could ever need anyone else, y/n held him closer to her chest. The embrace her form of a promise to him.

She had everything she’d ever need right here in her arms.

[greensaplinggrace]

Bestie what is there to celebrate about the Darkling?

Everything, of course!

He's interesting, obviously. We'll start off simple.

He's charming. He's closed off. He's emotional. He's intriguing. He's conflicted. He has depth.

He's an anti-villain. He's dark. He has a noble goal. He champions the Grisha and is the sole provider of their safety and protection.

He's sympathetic. He works tirelessly to submit himself to people who despise his kind. He gives up every little piece of his culture to assimilate with the Otkazat'sya. He's been hunted and abused. He's lived through centuries of generational trauma. He wants freedom and equality and safety.

He loves the sun. He's afraid of the dark. All of his favorite colors are those that shine the brightest.

He has a sweet tooth.

He loves animals and gets excited to see a white tiger.

He's absolutely and completely WHIPPED for Alina Starkov.

He's a possessive bastard and we love him for it. Also very confident.

He would totally eat Alina out first chance he gets.

He's probably a very generous lover. He probably also has a competency kink.

He's put on his knees at one point in the show and honestly that's the only reason I need to celebrate him.

In Demon in the Woods he gets excited to be swimming in the lake and thinks of all the adventures he could go on.

He's relatable. He's achingly lonely and touch-starved. He probably has a fear of drowning and the water. He definitely has a fear of being left alone.

His fashion sense is terrible.

"He could belong to this place. He could have a home, maybe even friends. And friends went on adventures. They broke rules together."

He's an excellent war general and extremely competent (when LB isn't trying to cut him down to size for plot purposes). He's a good leader.

He's the only character in this series that seems to know how serious the war and persecution of Grisha is. He's the only person that appears to be at least marginally well educated on the sociopolitical climate. He feels like the only person that cares about what happens to the Grisha, because nobody else sure seems to.

He was so desperate to protect his people that he created the fold.

Instead of turning his back on the Grisha as Baghra did, even after they so thoroughly betrayed and traumatized him, he instead decided to dedicate the rest of his eternity fighting for their rights.

He's dedicated. He's passionate. He's strong. He perseveres. He never gives up, despite decades upon decades of setbacks and trauma and abuse.

"I want you to know my name," he said. "The name I was given, not the title I took for myself. Will you have it, Alina?"

He's starstruck by Alina whenever she casts.

The entirety of episode 5.

That genuine, awe filled, "i would worship at your altar for the rest of my life if i could" smile he gives to Alina whenever they get close or they kiss or she acts adorable.

Nose nudges. Nose boops. Nuzzling. Cuddling. Pressing his entire body against Alina's.

The way he looks at Alina when she's shining like the sun. The way he never squints or shields himself. The way he can't keep his eyes off of her.

"I've seen what you truly are," said the Darkling, "and I've never turned away. I never will."

He's dramatic and his cape is floofy. It's also swooshy. Very good. Love that cape.

Did I mention the tiger?

"Can we stay until spring?" He couldn't hide his eagerness now. The prospect of tigers had defeated his caution."

He asks for consent when kissing Alina.

He's unfailingly respectful during romantic encounters, and although book Darkling is intense and prone to more firmness, he still fares much the same way.

He holds Alina's hand like a dork.

He's a SIMP

Oh my god he's so fucking ridiculous.

"You mean a lot... tO eVeRyOnE"

Both of his master plans of manipulation in the show and the books were truly terrible.

The entire war room scene.

The fact that he gets teary eyed over every little mention of Alina.

The way he can't tear his eyes away from her during the fete.

The way he looks when he's summoning the sun.

"These were the trees he liked best, the kind that never lost their green, that always smelled of sap. In woods like these, it felt like summer was still alive, as if the sun were buried in every rough trunk like a warm, dormant heart."

He has a dry and wicked sense of humor.

He's a complete and utter dumbass.

For some reason he allows Mal to live and royally screws his own plans to hell and back.

He cares about his people. He adores Ravka. He puts his heart and soul into making his home a better place.

"For all his crimes, the Darkling had loved Ravka, and he'd wanted its love in return."

In his backstory, he attempts multiple times to get out of a dangerous situation without using violence. He proclaims that he doesn't want to hurt anyone. He continues to keep up the non-violent charade even though people are quite literally torturing him by repeatedly shooting him. He tries his damnedest to get out of there with minimal bloodshed.

I mean really, what's not to celebrate?? Dude's a great character. I want to give him hugs. I want to see him rail and be railed in return. I want to see Alina deck him. I want to see him get the good ending he deserves.

[peanutpinet]

Trouble In Paradise (Yuzuru Hanyu x Reader)

Request: "I was thinking of figure skater!reader x Yuzuru Hanyu, where they are dating and doing Fantasy on Ice. One night, where reader is especially exhausted she gets into an argument with him. During the following show, the audience and fellow skaters notice that something is wrong especially after she gave up her place as the first jumper at the end to Evgenia when Alina wanted to do it and she tried to stay as far away from Yuzuru the whole show when he tried to make amend with her. Later that night, they reconcile. The next day, it was in every news that reader prefers Evgenia over Alina and was in conflict with Yuzuru. So reader has to make an official "apology" to explain that she was exhausted" - @thehappygrungelife

A/N: this is actually my first request from Tumblr and I'm very grateful to the person who asked for a request and I really hope I do it a justice

Warning: angst + fluff (happy ending), some cursing and heated argument

It was another day of practice for FaOI (Fantasy on Ice) and for some reason, you were not in your best shape. You would constantly be off beat compared to others and even when it was your turn to practice your performance, it was all but good; it wasn't even near your "ok" performance.

Okay, maybe it wasn't because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. The other day you've been pushing yourself quite hard and it was the first day of your period. To top it off? The only thing your boyfriend, Yuzu did was telling you that it'll be alright and one bad day won't do any harm since everyone has those days.

I mean, who could blame him, practice isn't always easy when you're not into it. The whole entire day, you just prayed that practice would be over as soon as possible but of course, the more you want time to go by, the longer it actually is.

After what feels like days, practice was finally over and you were all dismissed to go back to your hotel. But despite feeling rough, you decided to wait for Yuzu since you just wanted to sulk and complain to him. But when you saw Yuzu talking with other female skaters, you decided to just leave in your grumpy state.

Throughout the rest of the day, you kept on ignoring all the notifications you got from Yuzu. Every message, every phone call, you ignored them all. Until you heard a knock on the door to your hotel room. Thinking it was the room service you ordered but it turns out to be a not pleased Yuzu.

"Where were you? I've called you so many times. Did you even check your phone?!" Yuzu questioned, his tone was immediately an octave higher

"It was charging. I'm trying to not look at my phone too much. It stresses me out" you shrugged, going back to your bed and looking at your laptop

"What's the difference with your laptop then?! You know what, never mind. Do you know how worried I was?! I thought something happened to you" Yuzu sighed, stress combing his hair

"Oh, now you noticed. I'm fine. Thanks for asking. You should head back and rest. Our show is literally tomorrow" you mentioned, not looking away from your laptop

"What's with you? Did something happen? Did someone hurt you?!" Yuzu started to get worried

"Nothing much. Just another tiring day. I'm serious Yuzu, just go. You need your rest too" you replied, sighing

"Why? Why are you pushing me away?! We barely talked today" Yuzu complained

"I'm just tired and on my period. Can we please not have this conversation. I don't want to lash out at you" you sighed, getting up from the bed

"Why? Why would you lash out? C'mon, let's just talk. I'm worried about you" Yuzu mentioned, taking your hands in his

"Why don't you just go back to the other skaters. I really am not in the mood to talk. Just go" you groaned, letting your hands go

"This talk isn't over (Y/N). You can be mad at me but we still have to talk it through. Get some rest, alright?" Yuzu sighed in defeat, leaving you in your room

Oh how you wish you could just make the whole week go by as fast as Thanos' snap. But, like it or not, you just have to face it and get through cause eventually it'll all be over.

Unfortunately, the other skaters and even the audience knew that something was wrong. Your typical bubbly and enthusiastic self was nowhere to be seen. Sure, you managed to perform your skating until the end, but it seems something was off. Your expression didn't lie.

What threw it off even more is when you were supposed to be the first jumper before the closing but you decided to let Zhenya do it, telling her that you weren't feeling well and your period cramps were acting up more than the usual and because Zhenya was the closest to you.

After the performance was over, there were many words going around and the media started to bring up some news about you preferring Zhenya over Alina to do the first jump. When the news started to blow up, Yuzu was the first to try to find you and talk about why you did what you did; not only that, he also wanted to talk about why you've been avoiding him since last night and even during the whole event.

However, the second the staff told everyone to go backstage, you were the first to leave the stage because your period cramps were getting unbearable and you quickly excused to be able to go back to the hotel on your own, trying to get away from the media who were plastering questions to why you decided to give your first jump spot to Zhenya.

Over on Yuzu's side, his eyes were traced on you throughout the whole show. Especially when you gave up your first jump spot for someone else when you normally are enthusiastic to do it. When Yuzu saw you quickly going backstage, he didn't hesitate to follow you. Calling out for you and asking you to talk but he lost sight of you and you eventually went out of the room before he could get to you, sparking another drama for the media.

Throughout the rest of the day, you just shut any kind of way for people to contact you and just passed out since the period cramps were getting to you. You didn't know how long you've been sleeping until you heard several, no, multiple knocks on your door that could probably be heard throughout the floor you were staying.

Grunting, you finally woke up and headed towards the door, opening it and revealed Yuzu, your boyfriend and the person you honestly don't really want to talk to but at the same time, relieved that it was him instead of someone else. Sighing, you knew that you were going to have the talk sooner or later. So, you finally let him in, telling him that you just woke up.

"Before you ask anything. I just woke up" you mentioned, closing the door as Yuzu came in

"What happened? Are you sick? You didn't seem too well. If you were sick, you could've said so instead of pushing yourself and not putting on your best performance" Yuzu started to lecture

"Yuzu..." you mumbled

"Like honestly. I was worried. We're all worried about you but you kept pushing us away" Yuzu argued

"Yuzu!! Stop!!" you raised your voice back

"No. Look, I get it if you're tired but that doesn't mean you should just push people away" Yuzu argued back

"YUZURU HANYU!! I SAID. STOP IT" you shouted, stunning Yuzu since he never saw you this angry

"Please. I'm already tired from a stressful week and my period just came yesterday and the cramps were unbearable even when I've taken medication" you sighed, plopping back on your bed as Yuzu follows you

"Not only that. I was hoping to be able to have a night of just the both of us yesterday but you were talking to other skaters and I don't want to seem so clingy or anything. I also don't want to be mad at you since my mood swings during my period is not the greatest. But guess the media thought otherwise" you explained

"Hey, hey, look at me. Why didn't you say anything? No one would've ever thought something like that, hmm? Especially me. You're not clingy at all. I actually like it you know. Makes me feel more loved and wanted. It's actually one of the things I like about you. What bout letting Zhenya jump first? Was it also because of your period?" Yuzu softly asked, holding your hands in his as he kneeled in front of you

"Yea. And Zhenya was the closest to me. I swear there's no hate going around or anything" you replied, sighing

"Alright. Let's not worry about that. We can deal with the media tomorrow. I'm just glad that you're alright. Please tell me whenever you don't feel well or if something doesn't sit right with you, okay? No matter what reason it is. No matter if you think it's silly, I want to hear about it. We're in this together. Whatever your problem is, it's my problem too and I want to help you" Yuzu reminded, holding your hand tightly in his

"Okay. I'm sorry for making you and everyone else worry" you mumbled

"It's alright. Just don't hide anything from me anymore okay? Now let's just rest. I'll help you deal with the media tomorrow, hmm?" Yuzu mentioned, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead

"Are you staying?" you murmured, looking into his eyes

"If you want me to. If not, I'll just stay until you're asleep" Yuzu replied, patting your head

"You can stay. I don't feel like I'll be able to sleep anytime soon since I did just take a long nap" you mentioned

"Alright. Then I'll stay here to comfort you. Let's just watch a film, hmm? I'll order some room service" Yuzu mentioned, going over to the phone to call for room service but you stopped him

"Thank you, Yuzu. I really am lucky to have you" you smiled, looking at Yuzu with eyes full of love

"And I am too. I'm thankful to have you as well. Thankful that you're able to make me warmer and more open to others" Yuzu giggled, taking your hand and kissing it

In the end, the both of you just cuddled up in your bed and watched some movies to end the night, thanking the universe for bringing the both of you together. Because, in the end of the day, no matter what difficult situations you may face, with the right person, you can get through it.

A/N: @thehappygrungelife I hope that I did your request a justice and hope that you like it :)

[ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes]

The Phoenix and the Crow

pairing: (future/in the making) kaz brekker x fem!reader

genre: neutural

el's thoughts: i loved writing this one! i can't wait to continue this series! *whispers* nikolai fics will also be out soon. reblogs and comments are always appreciated :)

masterlist

The smog of the city only worsened in the new part the trio was walking through. Y/N’s wrists ached from the metal shackles and her nose never relaxed as she scanned their surroundings for any signs of… Anything. “Who said Ketterdam was a good place to visit? Whoever said that has never been here.”

“We are in the literal bottom of the Barrel.” Jesper’s voice also held a tone of disgust.

“Stadwatch don’t patrol down here. We’re safer.” Y/N noticed Kaz’s limp seemed slightly worse, but he tried to hide it as he leaned more on his cane. “Inej, what did you find?”

Jesper jumped slightly when Inej walked up on his other side. ‘She is the Wraith for a reason then…’

“We’ve been framed for the murder of Tante Heleen.” 

“Wait, what? We didn’t do that though.” Jesper said, exasperated. He turned to Kaz with wide eyes, “Wait, did you do that?” 

The pieces of their story finally started to click together. Hired by a merchant, but really it was Sturmhond, to kidnap the Sun Summoner and failed. Kaz gave Tante Heleen the shares to the Crow Club in order for Inej to come with them and leaves. All of this for a million kruge. Overall, they come back in slightly worse shape than when they left and find out that all hell broke loose while their presence was absent. They lost their club and are now left with nothing, leaving them on the run with Y/N to follow. ‘Some vacation’. 

“It was Pekka Rollins, wasn’t it? He framed us for murder.” Kaz spat out the name like it was the vilest thing he could say. As if the name itself was a curse.

Y/N knew the feeling. Someone you hated but it was much deeper than just hate. It was someone you despised, someone who did you wrong far beyond unforgivable. The Darkling. The way Kaz said Pekka’s name is the same way she would say General Kirigan’s. 

“He wanted to punish us,” Inej finally spoke up. “For taking the job after he warned you off.”

“But why take it out on Tante Heleen?” Jesper asked, half lost in the conversation causing Y/N to roll her eyes herself.

“She held the deed to the Crow Club. We cut a deal so Inej could help us with the Sun Sumoner, so Rollins killed her.” 

Jesper and Inej shared a look, “He owns the club. Everyone who works there now works for Pekka Rollins.” She held her wrist, “There’s more.” She pulled her sleeve and showed the small feather tattoo inked into her skin. 

Regret washed over Kaz’s face, “The Menagerie.”

“He owns that now too. Along with everything else the Menagerie owns.” Y/N placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder. Inej leaned slightly closer to her, glancing at her in thanks for the warm comfort.

“So, Stadwatch are everywhere and Pekka’s untouchable. Never thought I’d miss the Fold.”

“You don’t.” Y/N’s voice was quiet but held a sharp edge to it. Kirigan’s face flashed in her mind and she gritted her teeth. She mentally tuned in and out of the conversation between Inej and Kaz, only taking note of the man’s stubbornness and refusal to her the girl out.

“I’ll take care of it.” He snapped at her, “This isn’t your fight now. It’s mine.” He limped forward, walking away from the small group, his cane clicking with every other step.

“I’m not leaving you.” Inej went after him with Jesper following. Y/N walked slowly behind them, eyes still wandering around their surroundings. “Not now.” They all stood by his side once again when he looked down in both frustration and annoyance. 

Silence settled around them before Y/N spoke up, “Don’t push them away, Brekker. They’re all you have at the moment. plus what happens to Saints is fate.” She felt a pit in her stomach at the thought of Alina “What happens here is up to you.”

“It’s up to us. You’re with us now whether you like it or not.” Jesper smiled at her softly.

“Fine. But stay in the shadows, both of you.” Kaz looked between the Wraith and the sharpshooter. “We reconvene in two bells at the end of Rozenstraat. Look for the workshop around the back.”

“Where are you going?” Inej called out to him.

“I need a Heartrender for what comes next. One who isn’t already owned by Pekka. Ears open for one.” He threw a glance at Y/N before turning to limp away. “Y/N… With me.” 

The inferni sighed, followed after Dirtyhands, and muttered to herself, “This ‘ought to be fun.”

~

“So we just… Wait here for your explosives expert?” She got no response and sighed, “I’m not gonna bite you if you talk to me, you know? It’d be nice to carry a small conversation.” All she received was a sharp side-eye. She rolled her own eyes and walked to the long table where bottles and glass containers littered the area. Footsteps were finally heard echoing through the hall and she moved back to stand behind Kaz. 

A boy who looked much younger than he probably was walked down the few steps and moved to take off his backpack. 

“Wylan.”

The boy jumped in surprise and turned around to face Kaz. “You’re alive.”

“Thanks in part to you.” The clicking of his cane sounded with every other step as the slightly taller of the two moved to the long table. 

“The Stadwatch are after you.” Wylan’s voice was a higher pitch and held a note of concern. 

Kaz ignored his comment, “How much phosphorus did you pack into that flash bomb? The escape option against the Darkling?” 

“Did you need it? Was it enough?” Y/N felt pity settle in her chest for the boy and his lack of confidence in his own work. 

“Nearly. I need you to make a new package for me.” 

The brown-haired boy hesitated, scratching the back of his neck. “You said that was a one-time thing, not a real step into your world. I was strapped at the time.”

“And now?” Kaz was quick to throw the question at him, causing Y/N to glare harshly at the side of his head. “When was the last time you ate?” The silence gave him the answer he already knew. He picked up a glass bottle filled with a red powder.

“Don’t- don’t touch that specific bottle. You’ll be itching for days.” 

Kaz slowly placed it back down and dusted his gloved hand on his black jacket. He walked to the stairs and nodded for Y/N to follow him. “There will be others arriving shortly. We’ll be back.” And with that he hurried down the hallway.

Y/N smiled kindly back at Wylan, “It was lovely meeting you.”

“Sorry, I don’t know-”

~

The streets were slick with rain, and the city’s smell only worsened as the air grew thicker. “How do you live with such horrible air quality?” Y/N huffed as she kept up with Kaz’s fast walking pace. Even with a limp, he moved quickly. 

“Wait here,” Kaz muttered before walking away swiftly. 

Y/N realized they were back at the Crow Club, well the Kaelish Prince. She stayed close to the wall and crossed her legs waiting for his return. Finally being completely alone, she was left to her thoughts. 

What was she doing here? The most powerful inferni in all of Ravka was now on the run from the Stadwatch with a rag-tag group of criminals. She didn’t belong here and she most certainly didn’t actually have to stay. So why did she stay? Could it be the ache in her chest she felt when she heard more and more of all these people have been through? Was it the soft nature of Inej’s presence that brought her a sense of comfort? Was it the way Jesper smiled at her and she felt like she had her brother again? 

How could a small group of people who have been through so much pain be so welcoming and unwelcoming at the same time? The kindness she received from the two balanced the harsh glares she got from Kaz. Even with the glares, she was intrigued by him. Questions layered in her head, waiting to be let out but she knew better than to question him. She also knew she’d find her answers one way or another, soon enough. 

Kaz stumbled around the corner and walked past her, breaking her out of her thoughts. “Hurry up.”

“Yeah yeah, I’m hurrying.”

~

Y/N recognized Jesper’s voice as the heavy door closed behind her. 

“So this novice is telling me that he’s our new demo man. Raske is better. Or even Pim.”

“Yet Wylan is the one I hired.” Kaz limped down the stairs, Y/N trailing after him. 

Jesper rolled his eyes and sat down on the steps, turning his attention back to the young chemist. “Shouldn’t you be graduating university and, I don’t know, starting a desk job?” 

Kaz pulled out his pocket watch and closed it after hearing the door slide open and close again. “You’re here.”

“With the new Heartrender.”

“Nina Zenik. At your service.”

“Nina!” “Nina Zenik?” Y/N, Inej, and Jesper all spoke at the same time.

The inferni rushed over to the brunette and wrapped her in a tight hug, “Oh, I’ve missed you!” Nina gasped in surprise, “Y/N! What in Saint’s sake are you doing here of all places?” Y/N chuckled, “I thought I needed a vacation. Look where and with who I’ve ended up.” 

Kaz looked between the two grisha. “And how do you two know each other?” 

“The little palace.” They replied together.

Wylan shuffled his feet once the silence settled in the workshop. “Can I get anyone some tea?”

~*~*~*~

taglist: @rachelcarroll1819 @xcharlottemikaelsonx @khaleesihavilliard @simrah1012 @foulkryptonitepeanut @astridyoo15 @queenofshinigamis @peakyispunk @jahayla-parker @maliciousbrekker @writingmysanity @brekkershadowsinger

[marvelmusing]

Vengeance & Vanity

Part 4

Pairing: The Darkling x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Aleksander have established your place on the throne, and begun your search for the Firebird. Threats still linger on the horizon, and the two of you must plan ahead.

Word Count: 2.5K

My Masterlist

A cloud of dust hits your face, prompting yet another coughing fit.

“You’re doing this on purpose.” You remark through your weezing. Aleksander raises a brow at you, the corner of his lips twisting into a small grin.

“These books contain centuries worth of knowledge, it’s bound to be a little dusty. There’s no need for dramatics.”

“The poor Corporalnik that will have to restart my lungs might disagree.” You grumble, opening the cover of the offending book. Aleksander’s eyes twinkle with amusement as he sits down facing you. It’s rare to see such boyish charm on his face. The last few months have been difficult for you both. You have been slowly regaining your strength after recovering from the wasting sickness. Through your frustration and tears, Aleksander has been nothing but patient. His confidence in your abilities has been unfailing, as he has been teaching you to summon with one hand. He’s certain that you will soon master summoning from pure will alone. You don’t know how he does it all.

The two of you have been ruling Ravka with varying levels of success. The Little Palace has been reestablished, the damage done in the attack was repaired almost immediately. As often as you can, you and Aleksander walk along the path that leads from the Grand Palace to the Little Palace. You can only marvel at the changes made in the last few months. The previous King had always been cautious of the Grisha, and in order to ensure their safety, Aleksander had encouraged the Grisha to work within the Little Palace. There had been limits on what the Grisha had been allowed to work on so that they could not be seen as a threat to the monarchy. Now that the King was gone, the Fabrikators’ workshops had a colossal influx of ongoing projects, and collaboration between the orders. After years of hardship, the Grisha were finally beginning to thrive.

Despite the good you have both managed to implement, there are still several matters that continue to both trouble and vex you. The Apparat has been drawing more followers into joining the leagues of the Sun Cult. You are certain that the Apparat has ensured that Alina remains hidden. He is now reliant on the faith of her followers, with her in his custody, he can gather enough soldiers to pose a threat to you and Aleksander. Unfortunately, your raids have only uncovered crazed fanatics - no Sun Summoner or Apparat.

The other matter is the reason why you and Aleksander are tucked away in the library of the Grand Palace, breathing in dust and decay. When he first became the General of the Second Army, Aleksander safeguarded a number of Morozova’s journals and other books documenting the existence of his amplifiers. Whilst a number of them were stolen after your first attempt at removing the monarchy, Aleksander had the foresight to conceal a number of the books in one of the passages under the Little Palace. The two of you have been reading these books to the point of obsession, in an attempt to locate the Firebird.

Several years after the creation of the amplifiers, a Squaller explorer known only as the Bone Hunter sought to find Morozova’s creatures. The Bone Hunter’s journal documented their search, and is one of Aleksander’s most valued pieces. Not only is it the first documented mention of Morozova’s amplifiers, but the Bone Hunter is the only known person to have ever seen the Firebird. You and Aleksander have been scouring the library for the past few hours, attempting to decipher the words of the journal.

It’s written in Old Ravkan, so Aleksander has no trouble reading it. You had learnt how to read Old Ravkan, but you sometimes took the translations too literally, much to Aleksander’s amusement. The landscape and borders of Ravka have changed over the centuries, and the Bone Hunter was not the best at recounting geography. They often described significant trees, which was of no help to you or Aleksander. Trees lasted centuries, but these journals’ age exceeded the majority of Ravka’s forestry. At any point in which the journals mentioned rock formations or rivers, you and Aleksander would scour map after map, looking for any place in Ravka that the journals could be referring to.

You had both agreed that the two of you would search for the Firebird together. Leaving the capital without either of you to defend it had seemed like a poor decision to you, at first. Aleksander had reasoned that the Grisha and nichevo'ya were more than capable of defending Os Alta, and that it might take both of you to take down the Firebird. The first few entries that describe the Firebird detail its ferocity, how it had torn men apart and seized them with its talons before soaring up into the air, dropping the hunters to their deaths. After reading over these entries, you begin to agree with Aleksander. The thought of facing the Firebird alone is terrifying, but the two of you can do anything together.

»»---------------------►

Evenings are always reserved for you and Aleksander to spend time alone. During the day, neither of you stray too far from the other, after all, you rule side by side. The Tsar and his Tsaritsa. Aleksander nearly always has a hand on your back as you walk through the corridors. Your knees brush while you are sat in council meetings. But once you are in the privacy of your own rooms, the two of you are attached at the hip. You won’t leave Aleksander’s arms all night. You bathe together, taking the time to wash one another, then curl up on the sofa by the fire. Sometimes you both bring whatever books you’ve been reading, on rare occasions you will convince Aleksander to read aloud to you. Other nights you will simply spend in each other’s arms. Aleksander will trail his fingers over your skin, his thumb circling your cheek as he cups your face in his hand.

In these quiet moments you will share your dreams with each other. You both have the same plans for Ravka, but these moments are sacred and not to be tarnished with the stressors of the day. At night, the two of you are free to talk about your life together. Aleksander wants to live somewhere in the South of Ravka, where it’s warmer. You want to become a writer - to document discoveries in the Small Science, or create commentary on the lives of Grisha, or analyse historic texts. Aleksander wants to take you horse riding, just the two of you, travelling across Ravka together. These private dreams are what keep you both going. The thoughts of Ravka at peace, of Grisha living in safety, which allow the two of you to finally live solely for yourselves.

It’s during one of these evenings that Aleksander shares an idea with you.

“Do you remember when we first met?” He asks, tilting his head to look at you. Your legs are draped over his thighs, your body pressed against his side.

“Of course.” He lifts a brow at you, encouraging you to recount it, at which you laugh softly as you remember. “I tried to pick your pocket.” He hums fondly as he casts his mind back, and you add quietly. “You know, you’re the only person who’s ever caught me.”

“Do you want to know why that is?”

“You sensed the presence of your soulmate?” You suggest with a small smirk. A smile tugs at his lips, and he laughs lightly.

“Close, but no.” You glance at him curiously, waiting for him to elaborate. “You were bending the shadows.” You frown at his explanation.

“How? I couldn’t summon for weeks after I arrived at the Little Palace.”

“I think you did it subconsciously, bending the shadows slightly, so that you would remain hidden while you rifled through my kefta.” You pause for a moment, thinking his words over.

“So I wasn’t actually a good thief, just a secret Shadow Summoner.” You comment, a small amount of dejection in your tone. Amusement twinkles in his eyes as he regards you.

“I have another theory.” You nod, and he continues, “I think you could bend the shadows further, and completely hide yourself.”

“Become invisible?” He nods,

“I didn’t see you, I sensed your shadows.” He reasons, and your brow creases as you think it over. “I discussed this with the Fabrikators, David thinks it might be possible.”

“Have you ever tried to do it?” Aleksander looks away from you at that question. Staring into the fire, his dark eyes reflecting the flicker in the hearth with startling clarity.

“No, I haven’t.”

“What’s wrong?” You ask him, your voice scarcely a whisper.

“I think that my mother’s affinity for the shadows was a result of Morozova’s experiments, which she then passed onto me.” You watch his face carefully, as you think over his words. It’s likely. Morozova was incredibly eccentric. A lot of his experiments weren’t fully articulated in his journals. Even with Aleksander’s explanations, you still don’t fully understand how Merzost works. “Whilst I have more experience, more power in the sense of using Merzost, I believe that, with the right amplification, the scope of your power will exceed my own.” Your heart hammers in your chest, as you attempt to process all this information.

“That’s why you believe the Firebird should be mine.” He nods,

“The most powerful amplifier in existence.”

“But you can summon the shadows? We’re still both the same?” He looks away from the fire for the first time, eyes searching your face. He recognises the look in your eyes, the fear of being the only one.

“Of course we are, milaya.” He reassures you, tracing his fingers delicately over your cheek. “You and I are two of a kind.” His voice is soft, and warm with the underlying affection he reserves only for you. “Though I suspect you are more of a Shadow Summoner than I am.” He remarks with a small chuckle, which you frown at. “It can’t be a coincidence, you and Alina appearing within a century of each other. You’re closer to her age than you are mine.” He reasons.

“If this is you attempting to play matchmaker, I’m afraid she’s not my type.” You remark with a smirk. “And I’m already quite taken.” Aleksander cups your face as he lifts a brow.

“Really? And who might this lucky suitor be?” You smile as you lean towards his lips, brushing your nose against his as you reply,

“Only the Tsar of Ravka.” Aleksander moves forward, capturing your lips with his own in a kiss filled with adoration. There’s a tender smile on his lips as he pulls away, pressing his forehead against your own.

“Moya Tsaritsa.” He sighs against your lips, as the two of you lean into each other’s embrace. “Moi sol ye tselai.” My sun and stars. Your own smile widens, as you whisper,

“My Aleksander. I love you more than anything.”

»»---------------------►

Over the course of the next week, you attempt to master bending the shadows. Aleksander offers you suggestions and pointers, and you’re soon able to disappear from view. Of course, Aleksander can still sense your presence, he would recognise the tug of your shadows anywhere. Corporalki can still detect your heartbeat, something you found out when you were attempting to sneak up on Fedoyr - much to your disappointment. David was delighted when he heard that you had managed to bend the shadows. You had visited him in his workshop and he had rattled off a number of other theories he had, which you had some trouble following. Luckily Aleksander had appeared to inform you of an emergency meeting before you became too confused.

“Has something happened?” You ask Aleksander as you follow him through the halls towards the War Room. His shoulders are tense, and the shadows around you both are eager to shift as you walk by.

“One of our Tailors has returned from the North with information regarding the whereabouts of the remaining Royals.” Your eyes widen as you look at Aleksander, hardly daring to believe it. That after so long, you might be able to finish this. You had heard from some of your spies that Alina had escaped from the Apparat, if this is true then it’s likely that she will have sought out Prince Nikolai. Meaning that both the Royals and the Sun Summoner could finally be within your grasp.

The assembled Grisha bow as you and Aleksander enter the War Room, and you both take your places at the head of the table. Thankfully, the meeting opens with the report from the Tailor. He’s young, though most Grisha feel young to you now. He explains how he had joined up with a group of rogue Grisha who planned to lend their support to the Sun Summoner. Which led him to the Lanstov’s hideout. The Monastery of Sankt Demyan.

The Tailor shows promise of being a good spy. He answers all questions about the hideout. About the number of supporters gathered there, and the weapons being developed. One of the archivists produces some blueprints of the monastery, created during its renovation into an observatory a few hundred years ago. The Tailor confirms that the layout remains the same, detailing the functions of each room. This is what you’ve been waiting for, the means to coordinate a strike against the resistance and secure yours and Aleksander’s position on the throne. The Tailor also informs you that the Sun Summoner had recently arrived at the hideout. It almost seems too good to be true. Of course, it’s likely that something will go wrong, but now you have a direct course of action, and Aleksander always has a plan.

The meeting goes on for several hours, as your council contemplates a number of different strategies for your strike on the hideout. You organise the necessary resources and debate the most efficient route into the mountains. It’s late into the afternoon when you and Aleksander are finally alone.

“I would have liked you to have the Firebird’s power before facing her again.” Aleksander admits. You take his hands in your own.

“I wasn’t at my strongest the last time.” You remind him. “Our scouts have reported possible signs of the Firebird in the valleys of the Sikurzoi, which aligns with what we’ve gathered from the Bone Hunter.” He nods along with your words. “Once this has been taken care of, we can search for the Firebird ourselves.”

His fingers trace their over each of your knuckles, before his touch slides up your forearms, drawing you into his arms. You lean your head against his chest. Reassured by the familiar feeling of his kefta against your cheek, and the faint beating of his heart under it all. He traces his hand over your cheek, and you look up at him. You can see contemplation in his eyes, and you know he’s trying to make a decision. A small smile flickers across his face.

“I have something I need to ask of you.” You wrap your fingers around his wrist, squeezing lightly to convey your support.

“Anything.”

»»---------------------►

V & V Tag List: @hummelmi @james-bucky-barnes-bitch @scarlettels @visd3stele

[serpenteve]

why we ship darklina

an essay literally no one asked for

Nobody needs a "reason" to ship Darklina. But considering this is a villain x hero pairing, it got me thinking about why we shipped it in the first place when the narrative and author so badly wanted us to root for the more sensible alternative pairing and why it became the most popular ship of the entire trilogy.

Personally, I find it really interesting (and low-key hilarious) that a lot of the reasons shippers gravitated towards Darklina can be directly traced back to how badly Bardugo bungled Alina's character arc, Mal's entire characterization and narrative role, Nikolai's wasted potential as an alternative love interest, and the noble intentions she gives the the Darkling.

Alina's Character Arc

Alina's character arc doesn't match who she is as a character. I've written more about that in this post, but a lot of readers were introduced to a passive and insecure protagonist who we were expecting to undergo a typical YA coming-of-age character arc where Alina acquires self-acceptance, confidence, and embraces the full breadth of her powers over the course of the trilogy. Instead, Bardugo gave Alina the kind of character arc that's usually deserved for power-hungry anti-heroines or tragic heroes with a fatal flaw to punish.

The plot offers a strange binary: either Alina suppresses and hides her powers and therefore stays away from descending into villainy OR Alina attempts to find Morozova's amplifiers in order to defeat the Darkling but then becomes corrupted by power in the process. Alina's journey to self-acceptance and exploring her own powers are unfortunately entangled with her relationship with the Darkling. The only way she is allowed to move forward through the plot is to succumb to the corrupting influence of the amplifiers.

For better or for worse, the first character to really embrace her powers instead of thinking she's a fraud or that she's weak or that she's an unholy abomination is the Darkling. He's the first person to recognize her power for what it is and accurately judge its potential and implications for the rest of the world. He advocates for her in front of the royal court, in front other Grisha who think she's weak, and even against Baghra who is initially a very ill-tempered mentor with little to no faith in Alina's abilities. He even rather ironically advocates for her even when the heroic person who's supposed to be supporting her (Mal) does not.

At the start of her journey, Alina is insecure and in constant need of assurance and validation. The Darkling's role as her mentor and guide into this unfamiliar world of Grisha makes him the perfect advocate not only for her powers but also to help Alina see her place in the world. However, once he is revealed to be the villain, Alina also fails to realize that it's time for her to advocate for herself and throws the baby out with the bathwater.

Mal's Characterization & Narrative Role

When Alina loses the Darkling as an advocate in S&B, Mal steps up to take this role. Alina is still rather passive for the majority of the first book and it's Mal who originally wants her to have Morozova's stag as an amplifier if it will mean being able to stand against the Darkling. Bardugo intended for him to be a heroic love interest as a foil to the villainous love interest and I believe she mostly succeeds for the first book.

However, because this is a story about punishing Alina's "evil ambition" (despite there being very little evidence of that) Mal is supposed to serve as a voice of reason in the narrative. Once Alina considers the necessity of acquiring more amplifiers to defeat the Darkling, it is Mal's role to warn her of the potential consequences, to remind her of her inner humanity, and to ward against the corrupting influence of Morozova's amplifiers. Mal's declarations that he wants back the old girl he knew without any power is meant to drive an ideological wedge between them, yes, but he's also meant to be Correct™ because, again, Bardugo is writing a story about a corrupted power-hungry heroine who goes too far and needs to be punished rather than the arc we were all expecting and the one that Alina's character needs: a coming-of-age story of self-acceptance and personal growth.

Some point after the backlash of Siege & Storm, Bardugo seems to have become aware of her mistake and attempts to scrub Mal's character to be more sympathetic. There is a bizarre exchange half-way through the third book when Mal finally declares:

"I wasn't afraid of you, Alina. I was afraid of losing you. The girl you were becoming didn't need me anymore, but she's who you were always meant to be."

This is an interesting line because it's a complete reversal of Mal's narrative role so far. He's supposed to be her voice of reason that opposes her at every turn but readers interpreted him as being resentful of Alina's powers and angry that she was no longer dependent on him. Bardugo is forced to retcon Mal's entire role in the narrative from being a voice of reason that opposes Alina's quest for power to a supportive friend who will fight by her side. But this was never her initial intention and I believe this change was brought on 100% by audience reaction because she failed to understand the arc her heroine needed and the kind of story her audience was anticipating for such a character.

Needless to say, having your heroine's main love interest actively resent her quest for power until half-way through the third damn book did not endear many readers to Mal. Because Bardugo failed to understand the kind of character development her heroine needed and failed to understand audience expectations, we hated Mal. He became the embodiment of every toxic chauvinist we'd ever met who can't stand the idea of his partner's success and feels entitled to be the center of her universe. He was not the voice of reason. He was an annoying gnat hellbent on dragging the heroine down and away from her destiny. We did not want to root for him. Even the villain was more sympathetic than him because he could bring her closer to achieving the self-acceptance the narrative was obsessed with denying her.

Nikolai's Wasted Potential as a Solid Love Interest

Nikolai plays several roles in Alina's journey but most importantly in our discussions for why we ended up shipping Darklina, his entire potential as a serious love interest is wasted.

When we meet Nikolai, we have hitched our wagons to the Darklina train because despite being the villain, the Darkling is the only one who will allow the heroine to accept her powers and come into her own. Her heroic love interest, Mal, is actively sabotaging her efforts and holding her back from her true potential. But then, in swoops Nikolai and we pause, wondering if there may be a better heroic alternative after all?

In a lot of ways, Nikolai and the Darkling alike: they are eager for Alina's power and see her as a solution to all their problems. They may want to use Alina to prop up their own agendas, but unlike Mal, Alina's summoning powers are a massive plus, not a burden. Nikolai is the heroic alternative to our villainous Aleksander. So we wait, wondering if Nikolai will be the one to fix this mess of a romantic subplot. His royal connections offer an easy path to upwards mobility for our heroine and we sense that an alliance between them (even if it's initially political in nature) may bring our heroine closer to obtaining more power, influence, and self-acceptance not only for herself, but also for the oppressed minority she is a part of.

But, again, Bardugo is still obsessed with that "punish the heroine for wanting power" agenda so while Nikolai exists as another mentor figure who offers Alina advice on how to rule, how to appeal to other people, how to charm, how to win people over, and Alina learns and applies much of what she learns from him, he is not treated as a real love interest.

Despite Nikolai being written as a fairy tale prince (handsome, charming, smart as a whip, brave in battle, etc) Alina never actually considers him romantically. They are friends and allies at best and the only time she considers kissing him is only when she's pissed about Mal.

Nikolai's proposal at the end of Ruin & Rising feels like one last saving grace, one last opportunity for our heroine to take control of her life and make a dramatic change to break from the past. But this too is rejected because Alina's arc will never let her access any power. She does not reject Nikolai because she wants to marry for love. She rejects him because she has been "punished" for wanting power and has internalized that she must not seek any more power for fear of angering the plot gods (and Bardugo). She must return to being nobody in order to remain a good and moral person.

(And, of course, we resent Mal even more because who in their right mind would choose him over Nikolai? Once again, he becomes a roadblock on our heroine's journey to power. We grow irritated that the heroine is failing to grasp an opportunity to elevate herself. We throw the book against the wall. Why are we even following this heroine?)

The Darkling's Motivations

Still, all of the above might still not have been enough to pull the reader to the villain's side. But the Darkling is the living embodiment of Villain Has A Point™. He is not pure unadulterated evil. He is not Lord Sauron or Voldemort or the Terminator.

He's more Magneto, Roy Batty, or Ozymandias---a man who is part of an oppressed minority who longs for justice and power but is absolutely unhinged in his methods.

Alina runs away because she does not want to be a non-consenting weapon in hands. But we always end up wondering what would have happened had Baghra not warned her. What would have happened if Alina gladly joined the Darkling's side? There's hundreds of fanfics written precisely about this situation because despite the villainy of his methods, we wonder if Ravka might not have been safer after all?

If the Darkling had used the Fold as a weapon against Fjerda and Shu Han, would any of the problems Ravka faces in the later books even exist? Would any Grisha fall victim to the khergud programs or be killed as witches? The Darkling wipes out Novokribirsk and kills hundreds of lives, but how many would he have saved with the Fold as Ravka's greatest shield and sword? 🤷🏽‍♀️

And therein lies the problem with the trilogy inconsistent moral landscape. The Darkling is an anti-villain that exists in a narrative that is very black and white, unlike the rest of the books in the Grishaverse where our protagonists are anti-heroes who kill, steal, and torture their way through the plot with nary a judgmental glance from the narrative. We long to see our heroine give in to her dark side and get her hands dirty because watching a naive, passive, scared little girl grow into a ruthless powerful Grisha would have made for a hell of a compelling story.

But that's not the story Bardugo wanted to tell.

The Greg Trilogy

Despite taking place in a fantasy Tsartist setting, the Grisha trilogy is oddly anti-Grisha. The narrative doesn't spend much time trying to examine the context or implications of an oppressed minority group fighting for power other than to say "magic powers = evil". Nikolai skates by on a throne of inherited wealth, privilege, and imperialism but it's okay because he's charming and witty and the only monstrous part of him is the Darkling's curse. Literally everything is worse for Ravka and their Grisha after the destruction of the Fold but Ravka must move forward into a new age without relying on Grisha power but putting their efforts into new muggle technologies. Alina must be stripped of her powers and returned to her "old self" in order to be purged of evil.

Basically, it's all one gigantic ✨ dumpster fire ✨ of mismatched character arcs, incompatible moral aesops, inconsistent characterizations, wasted potential, unexamined plot points but it's a a dumpster fire we lovingly and spitefully embrace in fanfic.

We don't ship Alina with the Darkling because we're stupid abuse apologists who somehow missed the giant flashing moral aesop of the books---and honestly, who could have possibly missed them when it's shoved in the reader's face every other chapter? We ship Alina with the Darkling because the entire ship is the embodiment of wasted potential (and wasted ✨aesthetics✨ tbqh 👀). We ship Alina with the Darkling because we're sick and tired of stories where female power is demonized. We ship Alina with the Darkling because the plot gave us literally no other alternative to see our heroine succeed except to give in to her alleged villainy.

But most of all, people ship Darklina because Leigh Bardugo utterly failed in writing the story she intended to write because had she succeeded, Darklina would not be the most popular ship of the trilogy.

[moonlit-sunflower-books]

creating sympathetic villains

[@/moonlit_sunflower_books on ig]

hi everyone! today's post is about creating sympathetic villains, because let's be honest, the antagonist is the best part of any story /hj. a sympathetic villain is essentially one whose intentions are understandable, but whose actions are not. i hope this post helps!

disclaimer: i am not a professional writer and everything here is based on personal experience and opinion. i am always open to respectful discourse and constructive criticism!

give them reasons

and i don't necessarily mean a tragic past. give them genuinely sympathetic reasons. maybe they want to save the world by burning it down. maybe they want to wage war on the politicians that have denied them life. maybe they want to secure peace for the people in their country, if they're a ruler. or maybe they've been denied and ignored their entire life and just want to be recognised.

whatever your character's motivation, it should be something that the reader can sympathise with.

give them a past

yes, we all love characters with a tragic backstory, but don't stop at 'their parents were killed when they were young' or 'their girlfriend betrayed them and now they're a bad person' (yes this is me attacking the shadow and bone tv show no im not sorry). any character's backstory should have depth and reason to it.

take loki from the first avengers movie, for example. he's a sympathetic villain because we have seen him before in thor movies and we know his relationship with his adoptive father and brother. he was constantly pushed aside and watched his mother die in front of him, neither of which could have been fun. and his relationship with thor is a really strong dynamic that makes the viewer want him to get something out of the conflict.

his past gives him context and reason and the depth of it makes him seem like a character rather than a symbol, which made it easier for the viewer to sympathise.

give them humanity

make your antagonists funny. make them awkward. make them bad at flirting. make them walk into a grocery store and not understand how the self check-out works. i understand the appeal of having an all-powerful fantastical being be the villain, but if your aim is to create a sympathetic one, it's important that they are shown to be human because that's what allows the reader to relate to them.

i know i'm using all marvel examples, but if you take hela from thor: ragnarok - she is undoubtedly the evil antagonist, but she's funny, for goodness sake. also cate blanchett is gorgeous but that's unrelated, i just had to point it out.

they are not morally gray

there is a very important difference between a morally gray character and a sympathetic villain. a sympathetic villain is one who is, undoubtedly, a Bad Character - they just have understandable motives. they do the wrong things for the (arguably) right reasons - or their reasons have been corrupted by events and/or people, causing the reader to sympathise with them.

a morally gray character, on the other hand, often has the wrong reasons and justifies them anyway. they do a combination and Good and Bad things, unlike the villain who does solely Bad things.

helene aquila from an ember in the ashes is morally gray because she makes hard decisions in the face of crises and is often on the opposite side from laia and elias. she's arguably a good person with hard luck, and circumstance drives her to make questionable decisions that play on her mind.

the darkling, however, is a sympathetic villain, and i'm going to elaborate on this much more now.

case study: the darkling

okay before we get started: i am NOT a darkling apologist and i do not think any of his actions are excusable. but the fact that so many people on this hellsite think he's a good person just proves how well leigh bardugo created a sympathetic villain, and i'm going to explain how i think it worked. and yes, this has shadow and bone spoilers.

the darkling is grisha, and through his lifetime he was hunted and therefore hiding and living in perpetual fear (his past). he wanted to create a safe place for the grisha to live and thought the only way they could be safe was if they were feared (his reasons). he also supposedly fell in love with alina (although his is arguable) and that could be seen as his humanity.

rule of wolves spoilers: the end of the rule of wolves where he agrees to make a sacrifice for the good of ravka also gives him some amount of humanity.

all of the above make the reader sympathise with his intentions and are probably smitten with ben barnes' face which makes it easier. however, literally none of his actions are excusable. he manipulated teenage girls, kissed alina pretending to be mal, literally bound her to his power with an amplifier that completely eliminated her agency, created creatures that blinded his own mother and cut off one of his students' arms, and attempted to expand a physical darkness to take over the entire world. excusable? i think not.

his initial desire for safety is what the reader sympathises with. but the darkling uses that as a jumping-off point to go completely off the rails and essentially lose any sense of boundaries or limits on even his own power, which undoubtedly makes him the villain. not a single one of his actions are excusable.

[metvmorqhoses]

I understand you like villains, but the Darkling is a manipulative and abusive person who doesn't care about Alina. He only wants to use and enslave her. Even the small nice things he does are manipulation. Their ship isn't healthy. Alina belongs with Mal.

look, the darkling is a thousands of years old ethereal being who almost completely lost any form of attachment to his humanity, being completely lost in the rivers of time and of his own devouring power, with the sole exception of a loosely defined sense of patriotism (which is filtered by altered, almost god-like morals that cannot be understood nor can apply to normal human beings), and his recognition in alina of his only equal mate, his only place of belonging in endless oceans of solitude, recognition that deeply unsettles and enrages him at first (after all she is an oblivious child and he an ancient superhuman), but that he’s too mature and intelligent not to accept and respect in earnest in his own way.

so, saying that he doesn’t care about alina and that he’s only there to play with a naive girl’s head to obtain her power, is nothing but sheer oversimplification and lack of understanding of his character.

of course he constantly manipulates her, he’d manipulate reality itself given the chance, that’s the way he navigates the world, through power, coldness and charisma. i think it’s quite obvious he thinks best being in control of everything important, he is the one having the bigger picture after all, he’s everything he has ever had since remote times, he’s been alone in his godly point of view for thousands of years, it’s only natural he thinks his agenda and opinions superior to those of a bunch of children (the king himself to him is but a child). in his eyes, he is the centuries-old man and she is but a precious little girl in whose hands the very reason of his every battle and hope is being placed by fate. his succeeding in having her power by his side is capital for him, after all his ambition and distance from humanity is endless, and so is his desperation. that’s why he opts for the most effective way to ensure having it (putting the collar on her, being sure to be in control and not subjected to the whims of a teenager). honestly, from his point of view, this is simply mere logic and effectiveness, nothing particularly evil or personal. let’s not forget he was hoping all along she would join him willingly.

yet, leaving aside the political agenda, the very fact that he does take the time to “manipulate” alina, that he cares enough to spend himself, the detached uncaring god, to try his best to be liked by her, to be admired and somehow understood by her, even to confess himself in his own subtle way full of half-truths, is the proof that he does care for the person behind the power he so much craves. there’s literally no pragmatic reason to charm someone you already have de facto captive in your own guarded palace and that you plan to enslave, if you don’t somehow crave her attachment. she fashinates him, she unsettles him. she reminds him of who he used to be. what we perceive as manipulation is his immoral and very wrong way of caring. he probably believes she would never love the real him, he probably thinks she would flee screaming. and, honestly, he wasn’t that wrong after all.

yet he craves and he tries to touch this light from his abyss of darkness, he’s anything but cold indifference. his manipulation probably wants to have many different effects on alina, that don’t necessarily exclude one another. one simple act of manipulation can have the aim to secure her trust in order to claim her power more easily and can at the same time aim to make her simply smile. these two facts can peacefully coexist in such a man’s mind. the first doesn’t make the second less real or important.

asking mal for her favorite flowers and then giving them to her himself can be a way of charming her and can be a way to literally give her her favorite flowers. It’s undoubtedly a petty move, yet very effective and even somehow funny if we shed the very popular woke indignation. it’s something very childish and very human to do. this is not so much political scheming as it is kindergarten rivalry, if we are honest with ourselves. in the darkling’s mind, the end always justifies the means and the evil plan behind giving alina her favorite flowers stealing the information from her sweetheart or reading their letters, is being able to get to her heart in the easiest way possible, disregarding every rule because he thinks himself above them all.

i’m honestly astonished adults don’t seem able to understand that the darkling wanting alina’s power and aiming to be in control of it, having his way in everything, and the darkling loving her are not only compatible truths but also in many ways codependent ones.

and how lame constantly labeling every unusual relationship “unhealthy” as if that would immediately rule out their right to beauty or complexity. especially in fiction, adults should have the right, the agency, to have their disgustingly unhealthy relationships in peace, without moralists constantly trying to diminish what they share because of it. the majority of fascinating things in art and in life are unhealthy. grow up. the women in these relationships are not fragile little flowers, they can deal with abysmality, they can even enjoy it. you are taking their choice and their own complexities away from them.

and really, in this very case don’t even have me started with mal. his love confession at the end of shadow and bone was cringe-worthy. “now i see you, alina”. like literally this boy fucked everyone that moved but alina, who lived for him and who clearly needed help because she was literally rotting away, and yet he didn’t even know she existed until she became important and famous, then proceeding to shame her for it in the little palace, only in the end to confirm his shallowness by saying “now that you are basically a goddess personified i see you”, and she is even supposed to deeply appreciate that? seriously? is this the healthy love you want women to lower their heads to? not to mention the only thing that keeps that love barely lukewarm is alina’s childhood trauma and obsessive attachment to the only person who was with her during those hard times. what a fairy tale.

in short, nothing wrong in having banal points of view, to each their own i suppose, but i’d appreciate if you’d avoid coming in other people’s inboxes acting like the moral artistic police when you clearly even lack the means to do it. thank you.