#all! the! milves!

[ultimatemilvesbracket]

WINNER: MORTICIA ADDAMS IS THE ULTIMATE MILF!!!!

[elminster-big-naturals]

it's our moral imperative to sexualise jaheira and minsc as much as possible too actually.

[hecatesbroom]

me: oh yeah i'm probably not even a little gay, actually. no idea where i even got that idea from in the first place

middle aged actress: does literally anything

me:

[1o1percentmilk]

whos gerri succession and why do i keep hearing abt her in the milf posts

[sunshades]

miss penelope 🧵 + cathy 🌿 warmups induced by listening to too much mountain goats today....

[pochapal]

Your thoughts on NatsuEva? I can't stop thinking of these two yelling at each other for a year straight and then making out for a full hour.

i think they are very funny. pathetic women trapped by circumstance who tear chunks out of each other and are so burningly obsessed with each other and they don't care about how destructive they're being so long as they continue to make their every thought and action about the other tearing their masks of social niceties to shreds just to continue their all consuming dance of hate with each other because above all else they are bound to be the other's foil for as long as the narrative persists...literally insane. this is literally the kind of femslash tumblr is always begging for wrapped up in a silver bow how did it never take off.

[tsukidrama]

shocked and appalled that the tag for avenue 5 is dead here on tumblr. anyway if you see this post you now must go watch avenue 5 on HBO max ☝️👊

[eruditetyro]

oh btw yesterday is about dressing up and doing your makeup and hair and going Out with your friends and dancing solo latin such that you get complimented by strangers. strange ladies much older than me. but still

[ultimatemilvesbracket]

TESTIMONIALS

"She's in every universe. She saved the multiverse. All by learning to accept her daughter, husband, and herself. She's everything. Everywhere. All at once. And she's played by Michelle Yeoh."

"When she was flirting with a shapeshifter and he was saying they were too different to be together and said 'Every 16 hours, I turn into a liquid,' she just shrugged and said 'I can swim."

[collegeoflore]

it’s gotten bad enough that nearly every time jaheira says anything when i’m watching gil play this game they just look at me and wait for me to say whatever catastrophically horny thing i’m thinking about her. and i always have Something to say.

[slytheringangstuff]

𝑀𝐼𝐿𝐹𝒮 & 𝒟𝐼𝐿𝐹𝒮

Pansy: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves? 

Theo: Milfs. 

Tom: Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves. 

Pansy: Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for??? 

Y/n: Mom in late forties, dad in late forties. 

Y/n: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago. 

Tom: Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck. 

Pansy: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK— 

Pansy: I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY! 

Y/n: Oh, is it not mom in late forties? 

Theo: What? No! It isn't! 

Y/n: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME! 

Tom: y/n... 

Y/n: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION! 

Tom: I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you. 

Y/n: PANSY, DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION! 

Pansy: The word milf has been ruined for me. 

Theo: THAT’S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS! 

Tom: Y'all are dumbasses.

[directdogman]

Commenting on DT fan OCs!

Alright, I'mma take a look at some DT fan OCs! I've been sent quite a few, so I'll try to keep my comments for each one short 'n' sweet!

great name, snappy dresser. diggin' the bowtie! the pins are also a fun accessory!

Another snappy dresser! Tied well to an existing location in-game and the idea to explain the stickers is cute! attire is unique/memorable and the blues/browns compliment each other well. solid design. I do appreciate him!

Yo, this guy was in the last one! what is this, a crossover episode???

the bandage on side of face is a nice touch! digging the pinstripe pants too! graveyard shift at a convenience store is also quite an authentic job for a DT side character to have too! very nicely done.

Solid OC! well-drawn, unique job and her fit's stylish (it probably goes without saying that i'm a sucker for TV heads with dogs on them. that's gotta be a given, right?) The stickers on the back of the head are also a nice addition! well done!

Stanley's a real cad, huh? pizza delivery guy with a novelty pizza phone head is genius - making him flirt with milves on the job is just inspired though. i almost wish i'd come up with this guy, as i can totally imagine people around town talking about him. excellent job!!!

he's aptly named for an arcade dude! dig the fit too, especially the black + purple fingerless long sleeve gloves! the decals on the phone are neat too!

I approve of his activities but the lack of a visible mouth threw me off, since i've seen these old toy phones before, ofc.

i was about to ask "how does he drink ocean water without a mouth", before realizing that id been bamboozled into asking the fandom-favourite question of: 'how does he eat without a mouth?', only to then remember that practically no DT characters have visible mouths.

i hope you know that you've strained my weary brain today. cool OC, though.

banana phone's a fun concept! also, i must say your username's quite fitting. crept up on me from my peripheral as I gazed upon the banana phone, like a bizarre centipede of some sort. well, i'd assume so. in hindsight, most centipedes i've encountered have been pretty straightforward with me. i guess i should be grateful for that.

i like mary's fuzzy phone matching the trim of her dress but martin's really got my attention. cool name, neat quirk (he kills people, that takes moxie. hell, even pizzaz too, dare i say?) The dial being a lil clock is a neat touch since it ties his interest into the design. also quite like the cord tail matching the phone head's colour. solid design!

i like his head-type and the attire/pale skin gives a nice bit of contrast!

hard to say how randy'd feel about him, as someone who's only seen his design and 2 lines of dialogue (as someone's personality dictates randy's opinion on them far more than their appearance.) if you feel they'd get on though, you're probably correct! (randy isn't too picky, after all!)

Funnily enough, one of the earliest sketches for crown has a similar bolted plate stuck to a mostly intact phone head. it was even sticking from one of the sides. or corners. i'd have to dig up the notebook, as it's been like 4 years since I came up with the character. Sorry, just made me remember since the earliest sketches had one too.

Copper phone head's a neat idea. Contrasts well with his attire as well (nice and complimentary.) if only his attempts to deter jesse from the za worked out as well, eh?

Alright, that's it for me! thanks for the submissions, these were real creative! good job, everyone!

[payphoneangel]

Supernatural: The Showrunner's Challenge

A writing challenge/exercise

I saw this post and thought it would be really fun to make a SPN specific version. Some of these I tweaked from the OG post, some are the exact same, and others are brand new. If you like this, please give the OG post some love for the creators great idea!!

Think you can write better than the showrunners of Supernatural? Let’s find out! This prompt is a writing exercise/challenge to create a ‘season’ of Supernatural via fanfic. Each chapter functions as an episode.

Prompt:

To start, think of what you would change about SPN if you were its showrunner. Would you scrap everything and start from new? Keep the series going with a new season? Pick a spot in the show and diverge from there? Ignore all the plot and play dolls with your favorite characters? 

Write a chapter that works as the Pilot of the show you want to see. At the end of each episode, roll a d12 to see what you must include in the following episode:

Roll a d12:

1. Everything at once: Roll twice, use both. If you get 1 again, keep rolling. Your only way out is to stop getting 1s. 

2. TMWWBK: Give every character in the previous chapter a number. Using a dice roll/random number generator, the character whose number is selected is now the main subject and POV of the next episode. 

For a greater challenge: include any character mentioned by name and any character with dialogue. (i.e. If Sam mentions Bobby, give him a number. If the waitress at a diner talks to Dean, give her a number)

3. Fan favorite: Your most recently mentioned character (or named object) is now beloved by the audience. You must give them a bigger part in the story, a special destiny, or an important new romance or friendship. 

If you roll 3 again; the character must get killed off to motivate their friends/allies/love interest or to serve the plot.

If you roll 3 a third time; either start over OR they come back from the dead.

4. High Concept Episode: Due to plot/MOTW/meddling gods/whatever, the characters are trapped in a different genre than usual. Roll a d6. 

High Fantasy/Sci-Fi

Apocalypse/Alternate Reality 

Time Travel/Time loop

Sit-com/Meta

Crossover/Stuck in a video Game

Slasher/Death Game

5. Filler episode: The next chapter must be completely low stakes and set you at ease. 

For a greater challenge: Flip a coin for each main character. 

Heads: Their filler is full of thoughtful inner world building and characterization

Tails: They are interrogating the milves (i.e. doing something silly and stupid)

6. Mothership: The next chapter must include the characters making references to/listening to/arguing about/having a feelings jam accompanied by... Classic Rock. 

Bonus: If you roll three 6’s in a row, introduce a Lucifer plotline (If you were ALREADY writing about Lucifer.... kill him).

7. Fallen Angels and Special Children: If the last character mentioned in the previous episode has special abilities, they lose them. If that character does not have special abilities, they gain them.

8. The Focus Group: The execs created a focus group to see if audiences would like more romance in the show. Flip a coin to determine the outcome:

Heads: The audience is into it and so are the execs! The next episode needs to involve a deep, sappy confession of either love or admiration between two characters that have not previously been romantically involved. 

Tails: The audience is into it but the execs aren't so sure... The next episode needs to introduce a budding romance between two characters that is only ever alluded to, but never stated outright.

If you roll 8 again:

If you got Heads on the previous flip: The characters have a messy breakup/divorce.

If you got Tails on the previous flip: One character dies right after outright stating their romantic feelings for the other.

9. Familiar Faces: A character from a different season is (re)introduced and becomes plot relevant. (ex: if you’re writing early seasons, include Kevin, Rowena, Ketch, Dagon, ect. If you’re writing late seasons, include Rufus, Cassie, Ava, Bela, ect.)

For greater challenge, assign characters a number and select via dice roll OR

Use a tumblr poll to have followers select

10. J2 Fallout: The two most recently mentioned characters' actors have, IRL, gone through a VERY messy divorce or friend breakup. You cannot put them in the same scene, but they must both remain relevant to the show. 

If you roll 10 again, they reconcile. 

11. Deep Analysis: Roll a d6. The next episode must include the theme of:

Grief

Bodily Autonomy

Family don’t end in blood

Family is Hell/Absent Fathers and Absent Gods

What makes a monster monstrous

Love

12. Are we ever really done? The most recently mentioned character's actor has decided to leave the show. Kill off their character. 

If you roll 12 again for another episode, the character returns.

There's a few bonuses to a character returning, so if you so choose, Flip a coin. 

Heads: the actor chose to come back and the character looks the same. 

Tails: the actor did not reprise their role so the character has a "new vessel." 

The other bonus flip:

Heads: upon return, the character is on the side of the protags 

Tails: upon return, the character is working against the protags

Have fun and happy writing <3

Please feel free to tweak this game however works best for you. And if anyone does actually end up writing and posting something based off this, PLEASE tag me bc I wanna see lmao

Tagging a few writing buddies who might get a kick out of this: @kerryweaverlesbian @shallowseeker @bloodydeanwinchester @gryptids @kingflups

[fatkish]

Funny (Y/N) x MHA

Inside the teachers lounge:

(Y/n): *looking at Aizawa from across their desks* choke me with your thighs daddy.

Aizawa: no

Vlad and Hizashi: *spits out drinks*

All Might: *chokes as blood spills from his mouth*

——————————————————————————

All might: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves?

Aizawa: Milfs.

(Y/n): Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves.

All might: Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for???

Hizashi: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties.

Hizashi: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago.

(Y/n): Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck.

All might: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK—

All might: I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY!

Hizashi: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries?

Aizawa: What? No! It isn't!

Hizashi: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME!

(Y/n): Hizashi...

Hizashi: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION!

(Y/n): I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you.

Hizashi: ALL MIGHT, DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION!

All might: The word milf has been ruined for me.

Aizawa: THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS!

(Y/n): Y'all are dumbasses.

——————————————————————————

Midnight: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess.

Hizashi: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?

Aizawa: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.

(Y/n): Guys

——————————————————————————

All might: Whose turn is it to give the pep-talk?

(Y/n): *sighing* Aizawa.

Aizawa: Fuck shit up out there, but don’t die.

Hizashi: *wiping away a tear* So inspirational.

——————————————————————————

*Bakusquad is learning CPR on a test dummy*

(Y/n): So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?

Kirishima: No, (Y/n). They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.

(Y/n): No, that’s not part of it—

Mina: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?

Denki: I would want to live with no legs.

Bakugou: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Sparky. You don’t do anything.

(Y/n): All right, well, lets get back to it. ‘Cause you’re losing him.

Kirishima: *pumps frantically*

(Y/n): Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.

Sero: Okay, that’s uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?

Bakugou: How’s that gonna help you Tape arms?

Sero: I will divide and then count to it.

Bakugou: Right.

(Y/n): Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of ‘Staying Alive’ by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?

Denki: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.

——————————————————————————

Y/n), on the phone: Uh. . Hey, Hizashi , i uh, I’ve been stabbed.

All Might: WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU?

(Y/n): Wait- You aren’t Hizashi . Sorry- I didn’t mean to call you-

All Might: NO, WHERE ARE YOU? IM COMING THERE. IM NOT GOING TO LEAVE SOMEONE ALONE THATS BEEN STABBED.

——————————————————————————

Aizawa: Your smug self-assuredness is revolting.

(Y/n): I think we need to validate self confidence more, lest you end up angry at others for having even a sliver of it. I've done nothing wrong and I have a heart of gold.

Vlad king: I think this message is extremely valid, but also (Y/n) has implied wanting to set off the Yellowstone supervolcano, so what's the truth?

(Y/n): I want to set it off.

——————————————————————————

(Y/n): Why are you like this??

Aizawa: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

——————————————————————————

Dabi: I'm trash.

(Y/n): As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?

Dabi:

Dabi: You smooth motherfucker.

Dabi: And yes it does.

——————————————————————————

(Y/n): Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid.

Aizawa: You always act stupid.

Aizawa:

Aizawa: Wait…

——————————————————————————

Twice: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed.

Dabi:

Dabi: I'm gonna tell them.

(Y/n): Don't you dare.

——————————————————————————

Toga: You really believe in (Y/n)?

Tomura: Luckily, they believe in themself enough for the both of us.

——————————————————————————

Kurogiri: I had to pick up (y/n) early.

Mr. Compress: That’s alright. Have they been sick?

Tomura: No, not sick, they’re just very upset because they’ve had a hard day.

Dabi: Wait, why did they have a hard day?

Tomura: They took their two pet snails to school with them today, and they had the snails in their book bag. They let out the snails by the sink in the back of the classroom for some exercise, and some kid, who was visiting the class that day, thought they were snails that had come inside from the playground, so they threw (y/n)’s snails out the window.

Dabi: Oh my god.

Kurogiri: I know you are laughing, guys, but please act sad about it when they get home today.

Dabi: I’ll try but that is hilarious.

Tomura: Yeah, I know. Stupid pet snails.

Tomura: I’m trying not to let (y/n) see me laugh.

——————————————————————————

(Y/n): Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Aizawa and I are dating.

Nedzu, Hizashi, All Might, and Aizawa: *gasp*

(Y/n): Aizawa, why are you surprised?!

——————————————————————————

(Y/n), about Hizashi and Aizawa: My god, would you two just get a room already?

Aizawa: Excuse me, (Y/n)?

(Y/n): You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding?

Hizashi: ...

Nedzu: I ship it!

All Might: CAN YOU NOT?

——————————————————————————

(Y/n): Which one of you was going to tell me that tea tastes different if you put it in hot water??

Nedzu: Y- you were putting it in cold water??

Aizawa: (Y/n). Answer the question, (Y/n).

(Y/n): Yeah??? I thought people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process. didn't realize there was an actual reason.

(Y/n): Plus you think I have the patience to boil water?

Nedzu: You don't have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes??

Aizawa: Why are you putting it in the microwave to boil it?

Nedzu: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove?

Aizawa: It takes less than a minute.

Nedzu: Is your stovetop powered by the fucking sun???

Aizawa: How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove?

Nedzu: Like seven minutes??

All Might: Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in like 2 minutes... less than that if you use a saucepan!

Aizawa: Why are you putting the whole mug on the stove?? On medium heat?? All Might? Your stove is enchanted!

(Y/n): Every single person here is a fucking lunatic.

Hizashi: Do none of you own a fucking kettle?!

[archangeldyke-all]

I have an idea but it's a bit iffy for some so it's totally alright if you don't want to write it! Headcanons about being Sevika's controversially young gf? So basically an age gap but all legal. Again, totally ok if it's not your cup of tea!

totally my cup of tea considering i, too, would be a controversially young gf if i ever managed to pull sevika

men and minors dni

i mean, she's not that old. i think in act one she's in her early thirties, in act two and three she's in her early fourties?

in canon i don't think she or many other people would give a shit. at least in zaun.

i think the attitude is more like 'if u can find love, hold tf onto it,' even if just for basic survival reasons.

if you guys ever went up to piltover, you might get a few strange looks. but in the undercity? everyone's cool with it. they're more focused on the war to give a shit about two consenting adults' relationship.

plus, sevika's not the type to let people talk shit about her girl. i doubt anyone would have the balls to say anything to her about your age gap.

ALSO? i don't think sevika dates someone unless she's absolutely enamored with them and can't go on without them. so it's not like she's just dating a younger girl to date a younger girl. she's dating you cuz you're you.

the chemistry you guys have, the way you make her laugh, the easy camaraderie you share-- that's why she's with you.

i could definitely see her being more sensitive about it in a modern setting tho.

she absolutely adores you, and worries that she's holding you back. she doesn't get what someone as young as you would see in someone like her, she thinks she's too boring for you. and she sees the looks you guys get in public.

the longer you're together, the less she worries about it, the more confident she is in the fact that you guys are a perfect match for each other, if a little unconventional.

your friends and family all agree. you're like a match made in heaven.

sometimes she gets really worried about it though. you woke up one night to sevika staring down at you like she'd been studying you all night.

"you don't think i'm too old for you?" she asks immediately. you blink up at her, still groggy from sleep.

"no, babe, you're a milf." you mumble, rubbing your eyes. she blinks.

"what's a milv?"

"a milf. m-i-l-f. mom i'd like to fuck." you explain.

"...i'm not a mom." she says after a minute.

you chuckle, staring up at her. "no, but you are a mommy."

she groans at your joke, throwing an arm around you and settling in to sleep.

after that, 'milf' is a regular part of her vocabulary. her instagram bio is just your anniversary, followed by, 'sevika. gym rat. reader. milf.'

there's parts of your age gap that she finds really entertaining.

you get to introduce her to all kinds of media from your generation that she'd never heard of.

we (by 'we' i mean people 18-25ish) grew up with so much good young adult media! like imagine getting sevika to read the hunger games for the first time. she'd eat that shit up.

she'd love the 2010's cartoons you show her too, especially the dumb ass lighthearted ones-- regular show, bob's burgers, that kinda thing.

she has no patience for technology, so it's a relief that any time she has an issue with a device she can just pass it off to you to figure it out. because if it was up to her? she'd smash the thing and call it a day.

when you're together long enough, you guys can even joke about it with each other. she'll teasingly call you a gold digger, and in return, you'll call her a perv.

some people might not understand it, but that doesn't matter, because to you and sevika? your relationship is the only thing in the world that makes sense.

[writer-of-random-things]

Moriarty is Not Holmes' Greatest Adversary

Okay, hear me out.

Moriarty is a formidable opponent to Holmes, yes. In fact, Holmes and Watson have to take a totally calm and relaxing sightseeing trip across Europe to escape him. But at least Holmes had a plan; it was solely his logic against Moriarty's logic (and maybe a bit of martial arts in front of the Reichenbach).

But Moriarty doesn't hold a candle to Baron Aldebert Gruner (from 'The Illustrious Client') and Charles Augustus Milverton. Let me explain.

Even though Holmes detested Moriarty for everything he represented, he respected the professor as well. I think he even refers to Moriarty as "esteemed" in an unironic way in one of the stories (it was either EMPT or FINA, I'm not sure). But the case still stands. For the first time, Moriarty was well and truly his equal, so much so that Holmes would like to retire if he defeated him.

Yet Gruner and Milverton are different. They don't have criminal organizations; they aren't masterminds. They just revel and profit off of the suffering of other people. It makes them the vilest antagonists in the canon--Holmes knows this too. When he faces the both of them, he doesn't outwit or outrun them, like he tries to do with Moriarty. They are past outwitting or threats; not only do Gruner and Milverton make people suffer, they do not see what is wrong in continuing to do so. Therefore, Holmes resorts to burglary to try and stop both these men, because he is stumped. Even with his great brain, he cannot understand how Milverton and Gruner can be so commonly, if not casually, evil; as a last resort, he tries to stop them by taking what is incriminating (Gruner's disgusting 'book of women', Milverton's blackmail letters).

So Holmes' treatment of cases in ILLU and MILV are important; but I also want to draw attention to Kitty Winter and *that* unamed woman that turned Milverton into a piece of swiss cheese, because they are a) underappreciated favorites of mine and b) they also show a lot about Holmes and subsequently his attitude on Gruner and Milverton.

Holmes does not seem to mind that Kitty Winter threw a bottle of acid in Gruner's face. Neither does he mind that *that* woman did her swiss-cheese thing. In ILLU, it is mentioned that he defends Kitty in order to get her the lightest consequences for the acid-throwing, and he straight-up destroyed all of Milverton's blackmail papers. Holmes does this not only because he tends to go by his own moral compass in cases such like this, but he also recognizes the gross wrongdoing of his adversaries. This, I think, is what make the Holmes stories so special to me: it's not just about a genius defeating evil. It's about a man with a peculiar brain and an uncanny knack of observation, a man who is distant and lonely at times; but whatever happens, he'll always stand on the side of the wronged, even if society deems it otherwise.