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stonebutchstories · 3 years

Text

Good Talk

stone butch top/stone butch bottom

Characters use she/her

(cw: sexual language, fully clothed, character is somewhat nonverbal, physical contact, limited skin-to-skin touching, sex toys, mild dominance with commands. a character implies a nonspecific past history of being SA)

L has forgotten how to talk about sex, or how to even enjoy it. Mac, ever the expert, is eager to try with her sweet butch.

When Mac told me she was stone too, I was a bit devastated. I really thought that was the end of it, I wasn’t sure what we could get up to. Of course, she’s always been the adventurous one.

We’d both been exclusively the top in our respective sex lives until then, and even though she made me crazy just seeing her, I could never tell quite what that pit in my stomach was pushing me to do. I’d never had an urge to bottom the way I’d seen it done, after a lifetime of watching how my other partners would go about it. I couldn’t picture myself so bare, making those type noises, letting anybody touch me so directly. It was pretty much off the table. Obviously, though, there were some little things on the outskirts of my awareness. Out for drinks when Mac and I were ‘buddies’ and she’d pull me around by the bicep, and I couldn’t just blame the flush on the liquor. Well, I knew there was more to it all, somewhere tangled in with those firm boundaries and others’ expectations too deeply to examine. It seemed so rigid- to be Stone or not. What did it even mean to me, particularly? I couldn’t unpack it after everything that had happened, so I never tried to.

But I didn’t want it to end with her, just as much as I didn’t want to fold to my own pressures anymore. So I said to Mac, one night after making dinner at my place, that I wanted to talk. We sat farther apart than normal, I was trying to stick to my guns, because I knew if she had her hands out anywhere I could see them I’d chicken out. Really, I can’t remember too well what I told her, it all kind of tumbled out of me. I remember how she softened in reassurance, though.

“L, you know we… you know there’s no wrong way to fuck, right?”

That threw me for one. I mean, literally I was aware of that- being a lesbian, you’re already fucking ‘wrong’ even if you’re with a femme, so at some point you accept it. But being stone is even worse. When it’s two stone butches, it’s not even something you could find most places if you went out looking for it. What does it even mean, two tomboys who don’t like to be touched, where do you start? So, yeah, I knew she was right, but I’d never really believed it, I think. She watches me have this revelation for a moment before interjecting.

“What do you actually like? I mean, what parts of sex feel good? Why do you do it?”

It takes me too long to think of something to respond with, and she gets more concerned.

“We don’t have to, L. If you don’t like.”

I stammer. “I-I do! I like parts of it. I like some parts.”

I’m staring at the floor, working up the courage to say exactly which parts those were. I think she realizes Im getting ashamed of myself, so she stands up to do some tidying and give me a break from scrutiny. Mac’s been ‘around’ a lot more than me, and in a lot more intense scenes. Part of that is the leather and the chains and the fucking, but part of it is knowing how to talk about this stuff before you do it. I’m grateful one of us knows how. The faucet squeaks on.

“You can keep going, I’m listening.”

The sink faced away from where we had been sitting, so I can see her and she can’t see me. It gives me a nice view of her hands, moving confidently from task to task, slick with soap. She’s in a pair of jeans from her work that set pretty low with her leather belt. The legs of them are stiff with starch, but her ass fills out the seat without leaving anything to the imagination. I suspect when she makes a house call to some sweetheart dyke with a wiring issue, it must be a nice surprise. This time. It’s not a surprise- it’s an intentional view, for me, and I like that it’s on purpose. All of the wanting in the room obliterates my fear.

“I like it when I keep my clothes on. When both of us do. Not just for comfort reasons. I like the clothes.”

Mac shifts her weight, purposefully showing off a little more.

“You like a dyke in a uniform.”

She’s lucky she wasn’t facing me, I just turned the reddest I’ve ever been. I go on, stammering still.

“I don’t like being touched uh, below the belt. In the genital area. God, that sounds gross. And uhm, I don’t like swearing. Or even just aggressive or loud talking. Anything angry. I do like feeling your packer, even if you don’t want me to touch it. Just against me when we’re close. I like that, the touching with bodies, but not grabbing. Chest-to-back. You know already, that handsy stuff.”

“No hands?” I look at her soapy hands and forearms getting to work on a stuck on spot, firm and slick, and, yeah, like I said, she has me rethinking.

“W-well- it’s just- certain kinds of touch.”

“Okay. Say more.”

“Like um, I don’t like sudden yanking or grabbing, or tracing around with your fingers… anything too delicate or too rough… I don’t like that. I do like seeing your hands. I like that a LOT. I just prefer they stay put if you’re touching my body. And that they stay where I can see them. It makes me feel anxious otherwise.”

She places a plate on the drying rack. “Understood. Anything else?”

“Um… not that I can think of.”

“Okay. This is an open list, then. Add to it when you need.”

I nod, before realizing she can’t see. “Okay.”

She finishes up the last dish she was working on, considering something before asking again.

“One more thing. You didn’t mention- do you like to cum?”

I’m staring at the floor again.

“Ah… yeah.”

She turns on her heel, leaning back against the countertop and wiping her hands on her pants pockets. “Just checking. A lotta of stones don’t. And I thought maybe…Do you not normally, when you’re having sex with other people?”

Always on the money. “Is it that obvious?”

Mac walks over, carding her damp hand through my grown-in buzzcut, how she had been doing since even before we were together. She keeps her hand still once it sets there this time, and I’m silently grateful not to feel the awful crawling feeling I normally get. I let out a tense exhale I wasn’t aware of holding in.

She smiles apologetically. “Yeahhh, a little. It’s a shame you feel like you can’t ask. I mean, I’ve met stone butches who get off topping, and a lot who find it unpleasant. All of them still like sex within their boundaries. Easy to see why your heart’s not in it if your partners don’t care.”

“It’s not that they don’t care, usually. I stopped bringing it up. It’s unreasonable to expect that of them.”

“Unreasonable?” She can’t stifle her reaction to that one. “Baby. I get difficult, but how is it unreasonable to expect your partner to make an attempt to please you?”

I pause. “I just mean it’s hard to get there when you can’t LET people touch you.”

She softens. It’s kind of the crux of it, right? Being stone sometimes means being misunderstood by partners. People hear ‘no receiving’ and have different assumptions. I wouldn’t let a partner do a lot of things, but I don’t object to all receiving. Sometimes you want it, and they only know one way to give it. Sometimes they don’t believe you when you say your limits. Sometimes they think they know better. Mac knows I’ll get mad if I feel like she’s pitying me, so she reroutes.

“ There’s other ways, though, L. Like I said. No wrong way if it works for you.”

“I haven’t found a way with a partner yet.” I look at the floor, starting to get washed up in shame.

She grasps, cautiously, at what little there is of my hair, tilting my head back to look up at her.

“You let YOU touch yourself, though. Does that make you cum?”

Fuck. Steaming heat off her eyes tunnels down into me like a hot iron bearing dropped on ice. She was staring into me now, and with my mouth hanging delicately open I might have made a sound, some pathetic gasp, if my pulse wasn’t thrumming loudly in my ears over all noise.

“Y-yes.”

She hums and nods, feigning unaffectedness. She does not remove her hand.

“I overheard you the other day.”

I restrain a grimace. I had thought I played it off well, when she visited me out of the blue and I had to rush to meet her at the door. I guess not. I try not to think about the fact that I was moaning her name through the perilously thin walls of my apartment.

She lets go, which sends my head bobbing forward stupidly. Im mesmerized. She swings herself over me in a smooth motion, careful not to touch, just to loom above me. I notice (I might have sooner if I hadn’t been staring at the ground so long) that some time between dinner and this conversation, she had swapped in her hard packer.

“How do you like to do it?”

I lean forward.

“I can show you.”

She’s pleased by my forwardness, by me displaying that my eagerness is genuine and insatiable, but not inconsiderate enough to entertain it without discussing.

“You know I’d like that very much. But don’t rush yourself for me. Let’s talk a little more.”

I pause, cause I want to do it right now, but I know she’s right and if I push through that dizziness Id snap back to awareness in a few minutes and need to step away.

“To start maybe… maybe we could just sit. Touching. Get a little acclimated first? And then I show you.”

She smiles, sitting back on her hips. I take a deep breath, and the clouds in my head started to part. I wonder, for a moment, how I could have ever thought stone-butch-on-stone-butch made no sense. We’d never been ‘together’ like that, and maybe never would, but she knew right off what was ok.

“So we get close, chest to back, and then sit till we’re ready. And then you show me how you like to touch yourself. I keep my hands off, where you can see. And you can let me know if any of that needs to change.”

I get a shiver. She’s methodical, but the words are still putting a heat in my ears. I’m glad shes doing this, I wouldn’t have thought to.

“You can put your hands around my waist if you keep them still.” I stammer, desire freezing me up. My voice is getting smaller and smaller in my throat. “I might ask you to, uh, help out.”

She looks me up and down, turning stern. She stays gentle, seeing it would be hard for me to specify out loud. “And you’ll let me know how you want me to do that?”

I nod, too embarrassed to speak. My thoughts are racing so fast that they aren’t even words any more. Just feelings and noises and giddy anticipations. She’s casual, and it lets me feel like this is normal. I can do this, because it’s normal. I chant it to myself.

“It seems like you’re having a hard time talking, baby. Are you ok? You still here?”

I cant meet her eyes, but I’m here with her. I nod overenthusiastically, trying to compensate for my sudden silence.

“It’s okay. It happens to a lot of people. I can take a turn talking, if you’d like. Can I tell you what I need?”

I nod again, happy that I’m not the only one with needs and demands, not ruining her good time. She breathes a sigh of relief seeing me smile.

“Okay. For me, being stone is no direct contact with anything under my underwear and bra. I still negotiate it beforehand if it’s over clothes, so tonight I would prefer if you didn’t touch there. I don’t have any hangups with orgasming, but I only like to as a result of touching my partner. I don’t like the attention on me. I am strictly a top and I feel very unsafe with partners trying to switch on me. I don’t like biting. I don’t want to be called anything but Mac this time, ‘cause I dont like people dropping titles out of nowhere. Don’t push my knees around too much, they get sore sometimes after sex.”

She looks me up and down. Mac knows this speech like the back of her hand- she’s more concerned with whether I do. I give another feeble nod to indicate I got it all.

“…Okay. These are the big ones, but I’ll let you know if anything else comes up. And, L- I need to know how you’ll let me know if there’s a problem. Do you feel like you’ll be able to say no verbally?”

It’s a good question. I cant even do it now. I shrug, then noncommittally shake my head.

She looks me over. “Could you use a nonverbal cue?”

I consider it. My head has stopped swimming enough to speak up.

“Two taps?” I croak.

She chuckles. She used to do wrestling in highschool.

“Okay. Can you show me?”

I pat her bicep twice.

“Very good.” Shes doling on the praise on purpose. What a tease. “I think we’re all clear. You can tap out if you want a break or to ask a question, too, okay? For any reason.” She gives this safety speech like she’s the instructor on a zip lining tour. It shouldn’t be sexy, but both ideas make my adrenaline rush the same way.

“One more thing. Um… L or baby for me.” I add. “Not as a title or anything. I just… like it.”

She leans forward and kisses my forehead, how she usually does.

“Course you do, baby.”

She stood up, taking a seat at the other end of the couch for more space. She patted her lap gently, but I hesitated.

“Should I… go get my stuff first?”

She raises her eyebrows, but nods affirmatively.

I was incredibly wobbly on my way up to my room. My thoughts were still occupied by the conversation, and what was going to happen, even though I knew it was going to be slow. Maybe the slowness of it was a piece of the thrill, like when I went up these stairs again it’d be much, much later, and I’d have maybe done something I’d never done before, and at the very least I was getting fucked by a very very hot dyke. Very very slowly, to boot.

I hurried back down the stairs two at a time after grabbing the necessities, sheepishly realizing halfway down and slowing my pace to seem less eager.

She smiled when she saw me, the easy one that started at one end of her mouth. She might have laughed, on any other day. She gave me a hard time a lot when we were just friends; she’s the kind of butch who’s always making jabs. It’s funny when it’s funny, but she knows now’s not the time. She’s being incredibly careful with me, speaking with flat words and no implications. I don’t even know what I’m asking for, and she’s making a point not to try and tell me what she thinks I’m supposed to want. She’s being very cuddly, very entry level. I’m learning to do this all over again, so I appreciate the approach. I’ve never had anyone care like that, and it reminds me why I love her so much.

She opens her arms. “C’mere.”

I situate myself with my back to her chest, pressed flush. I get nervous some times about things brushing my back, sneaking up on me. It’s one of those things that happen to you after something happens to you. So it’s nice to feel something solid. Mac already knows this and I don’t have to say anything. She breathes, and I rise and fall.

She seatbelts her arms around my waist, clasping her hands and then leaving them still, where I can see them. It makes flashes of excitement polka dot me all over. Her hands are rough from work today, and in the low light from the kitchen stove (she turned off the overhead while I was upstairs) her veins and knuckles make her look confident, seasoned. Very butch, in the way I like being and the way love seeing. I’m a little obsessed with her hands, as much as I worry about what they can do. But right now, I know they’re only going where I say. We sit like that, secure and warm, for a long while. It was a long day, and easing into each other feels so nice, but the energy of our previous conversation means neither of us feel like sleeping.

I can see out of the corner of my eye that she’s eyeing the tote bag I brought down with me. I was vague enough that I know she’s wondering what it is. She shifts in her seat subtly and clears her throat, and I realize abruptly that I’ve probably been pushing that hard packer into her with the way I’m positioned. I start thinking about grinding down into her while we do what we’re about to do, if I could even make her cum like that. I know she doesn’t want us to focus on just her, but honestly, grinding my ass into her packer like that would probably make me cum faster than it would her. I shift a bit more upright, as our postures had slumped into half-sleep. It grinds on her and It takes her by surprise enough that she moans before she catches herself, and then it breaks into a chuckle.

“You ready?”

I nod. I try leaning over her clasped arms to grab my bag, but she beats me to it and places it in my lap gently. She’s eager.

I fish out my vibrator- it’s the hitachi magic wand kind, but with a wireless rechargeable battery- and a condom. It’s been plugged in for a good portion of the day, since I rarely let the battery die. I unzip and shove the vibrating end between my jeans and boxers, sticking the handle out from my fly. I button over top of it, securing it in the zipper like I do with my strap. Mac’s eyes are hot on me as the gears start turning in her head.

“Oh.” She says, pleasantly stunned.

My hands are shaking as I take out the condom. I roll it over the exposed handle and charging port, sliding it over the buttons carefully. I paw at my side for the bottle of lube, but it’s fallen back behind us. She retrieves it, and I hold out my hand for her to give it to me. Instead, she uncaps it and squeezes some into my open palm.

I hold the vibrator firmly at the base, keeping it steady and hard against my clit. With my other hand, the one Mac lubed up, I start stroking the handle. Mac whistles low.

“That’s hot. Im gonna have to try that.” She moves behind me to get a better look, and I feel her packing heavy against my ass. “This how you always do it, baby?”

Im breathing very carefully, trying not to get ahead of myself. “It’s my favorite way. It k-kinda makes a mess, so I don’t do it every time.” I stumble over my phrasing, accidentally tugging it in a way that makes my hips raise.

She hums. “Feel free to make a mess.” She returns her hands to where they were, safely on display. My waist is bare there, from pulling my shirt up to unbutton. Her hands are warm, and I’m not scared, I’m hungry for them.

I take some time warming up, getting used to the feeling in my hands. There’s a mental step between it being a toy and it becoming an extension of myself, one I have to do slowly. The vibration hasn’t been turned on yet, to keep in this moment with myself, and this time, with Mac. I get into a comfortable rhythm, thrusting up into my hand and sweeping the base up and down underneath my clothes. Mac swallows hard, and I feel a twitch run through me that jerks the piece in my hand. I tentatively grind down on her.

“This good?”

She smiles, I can feel it without seeing. I can hear the lust in her voice when she says, “Yes, baby.”

It makes me squirm. Mac always calls me baby, since we’ve been together. Even sometimes before we were. I like thinking about it, how even before she asked me, the way she felt would poke out in odd spots, moments where she loved me too much to remember she wasn’t supposed to. I could listen to it all day.

“Um. Mac. Could you… help out?”

“Ohhh. I see.” She says with surprise. “Would you like me to touch it?” She asks, dripping sweetness.

“My cock.” I correct her, gently.

“Of course.” Mac kisses me at the base of my neck. She readjusts flawlessly. “Can I please stroke your cock for you, L?” She whispers it huskily into my skin.

“Please. Ah, please-“ I can barely wait for her to finish her sentence to start breaking into pleas. For all the permission she has to request, I’m the one who’s begging. I love how she knows how to ask, how she lets me feel in control like that. She knows that I need it, because she knows everything. But I know that she does it for herself as much as it’s for me. She gets her satisfaction from a job well done. She needs to be wanted, and I need to be understood. That’s how this works, and we both enjoy each other’s enthusiasm.

She wraps her hand around it, slowly to make sure I get a good look at her hands. Her fist closes tight around the shaft and she tugs up on it, pulling against my own hand steadying it at the base. I use my free hand to get some more lube for her.

Once she’s got her fisted hand all lubed up, she moves down my shaft slowly but forcefully.

My moan hovers in the space between soft and obscene, the kind of noise you make when you step into an ice bath. She bucks her hips slightly upwards, thrusting me up into her hand. I grab onto her belt loop with my other hand, trying to pull myself further into her. I can hear her keys softly clinking when she does it again, and the sound makes me whimper.

“C-can I tell you if I like something?”

“Of course, baby. Is it the hips?” She rolls them again, and I bite my lip at the feeling, but mostly at the sound of her.

“A-Ah, yeah, but… the keys.”

She does her best to downplay the pause she takes, cautious to make me go shy again. She decides to risk it, laughing sweet and dark. Her arm holds me a little tighter across the waist.

“God, you’re adorable, L. I like yours, too.”

The more gentle praise, the more I wanna say. She doesn’t need to coax it out, I want her to know.

“A-and I like you being so nice and not using bad language. Being so quiet. And when you use my name. I-it just- feels so good, Mac. You feel so good on me. Oh, please, yes-“

I’m whimpering my way through these confessions, most of which are a little too clunky to be effective dirty talk. But Mac really likes instructions. She exhales a rumbling groan that travels up my back.

My hips are starting to get twitchy, moving side to side in her lap, to delicious effect. She likes the way it makes her packer feel. She flips her hand upside down and starts stroking upwards, flicking and curling her pinky finger over the head. She slides upwards, arcing across the top as each finger traps the head in between ash she swoops her hand over. In between moves, she’s just plain stroking it every so often, pushing a little extra hard on the way down to make it hit my clit just right. My eyes are transfixed, and I can literally feel every move because of the toy, and even the special attention she’s giving the head, somehow. It’s making me throb.

“O-o-oh my goodness-“ I gasp out. My back is arching against her.

“ So sweet for me, L. You gonna cum?”

“Not yet, but-ohhh wow.”

She gives me a peck on the back of the head, into that hair she cant seem to keep her hands out of. I cant really separate at this point what’s getting me hot and what’s making me feel loved. It’s all just good feelings.

“C-can you turn it on, please?” I bob the base of my cock against myself.

She hums affirmatively, looking forward to this as much as me. She slips the condom upward surreptitiously, not wanting to snap me out of this immersion. She feels up the buttons, a little unsure of the settings.

“The bottom one.” I pant

“Thank you, baby.” She clicks it on.

Already, I’m feeling like I might faint. The vibrations slam into me, bending me into arches. At first I don’t make a noise, just open my mouth and shake. Then a choked grunt punches through me, and the pace of my moans kicks up. The first setting is a pulse, and I prefer to use it for all activities. I like the ebb and flow, how it gives you a rhythm and directive. Once I start to adjust, I notice Mac had let go of my cock. I lean back into her, and it stirs her back into the moment.

“Sorry, baby. You’re so pretty, I was watching.”

She reaches back and continues. I’m dizzily aware of her hand being at my waist, with fingers too close to my skin for comfort. I feel so good, but I know I’d feel better if she kept them where I could see them… where I could REALLY see them. I feel a little too heady to express it, so I tap at her wrists.

She sits up a little, putting her hands on either side of me on the couch. “You ok baby? Want me to turn it off?”

I shake my head, swallowing a pant. It’s hard to speak again. “Ah- K-keep going. Hands-“ I grab at her wrists. Mac flips her hands palms-up in response, receptive.

“Where do you want em?”

I pull them over and onto my cock, which is bobbing low from the strain on my zipper fly.

“I wanna watch.”

She smiles, and begins gripping and pumping again with the same fervor as before. She’s got me back into it, even more passionate than before. The vibrations are subtle under the dampening fabrics, especially on this setting, but it’s enough. Mac’s handjob skills are impeccable for some reason, and every move she tries is making my jaw hinge open and shut in disbelief. As she keeps working my cock, she notices the lube has started to dry up. She peeks around her, realizing the lube bottle has fallen again somewhere. Instead, she reflexively holds her open palm to me.

“Spit.”

It drives a spike of hot pleasure into me. I know Mac is sweet on me, but that little command, sweet but firm, was an exhilarating peek at her other side. I dont hesitate to obey.

The interaction only lasts a second, and I can feel her registering it after happens, clearly stunned at herself and me.

“Was.. that okay, baby?”

It was very ok. I turn to look at her, purposefully making eye contact and nodding. I want her to see in my eyes how much I liked it. I lean in so I’m glancing down at her lips over the bridge of her nose.

“Yea, Mac. That was hot.” I say it, and it sounds like my voice. “Tell me to do it again.”

She does, but this time it’s barely a stuttered whisper, and her eyes are wide. I don’t break eye contact while I do it.

She looks me over, shifting from dumbstruck to smiley. I guess I know what to say to put her at ease, too. We press our foreheads together and she mouths “kiss me?”. And then we do.

She returns her hand to me, slathering my own spit on my cock. It’s so hot.

“Ah-“ I gasp into her mouth. “The middle button, please.”

She smiles, and does just that. The vibration pattern on this setting is even more rapid fire pulses, which makes my knees pinch together. My reaction is not as explosive as the first setting was, but our faces are flush as shes kissing me, and we’re passing moans and thrusts between each others kisses. Mac’s reaction, however, is electrified. She’s moving faster, following the pulses at tempo. Every sound out of her is a savoring groan or word of praise for me, clearly enjoying having me in her arms like this. The vibrating end is starting to slip up and down in my pants, half because my grip is shaky, and half because my boxers are getting soaked. I open my legs further, careful to avoid Mac’s knees, and I’m not putting on a show when I say I get loud. Mac resumes her upward thrusting, in sync with how she’s stroking my cock. Her keyring chimes with every buck of her hips. Mac is starting to l gasp louder, synchronized to every bump or slide I can feel her packer make between us. It makes me smile through my next few moans. I get greedy and grab with both hands at the base, shoving it roughly against myself and throwing my head backwards over her shoulder.

“K-keep going, oh-“

“Faster, L?”

“Please. Please, I-“ I’m interrupted by my own moan as she starts to move as fast as she can. “Oh my- ah, Mac!”

Her hands make obscene sounds slipping up and down, and I feel everything. I respond in turn, grinding down hard into her, so hard I can feel her packer moving up and down with us both. Her movements stutter a little, and I notice how hard her panting has gotten. She must be wet, too. The thought turns me on even more.

“Gonna cum, baby?”

I whimper. “Yeah, you?”

She swallows her words, struggling to breathe. “Yes. Oh, god- L-“

I click the button one more time, putting myself right on the edge. This setting is the highest intensity, so my voice gets extra high pitched. I try my best to grind into her and take her with me. The couch is squeaking under us.

“Mac, I’m c-“

I don’t even get the sentence out before I cum hard. I jerk open and splay my legs far out over her, thrusting my chest out and head back. She cums right along with me, squeezing me back into her with one strong arm around me. She holds me tight while she cums, still thrusting. She’s fumbling her way through prayerlike moans, muttering variations of “yes, baby, so good, yes, good for me baby-“ I’m still rigid and cumming silently. She finishes out with a few jerky thrusts to my ass, going from taut to soft against me. I finally release the breath caught in my body, and it comes out in a dirty extended moan. I drop.

We pant, lying down now and slumped together. She clicks off the vibrator sluggishly.

“How was that?” She offers.

“Oh my goodness.” It’s all I can say.

She smiles, eyelids getting droopy. I know I sound silly, but she likes it. “I love you.”

Neither of us have the presence of mind to find that corny. We smile and keep trying to catch our breaths.

“Mac.” I say it just to hear it.

She drags her limp arm away from the vibrator, careful even in this state not to move the way I don’t like. She brings a finger to her mouth and sucks it intently.

“Mhhm. Your cum tastes so good, baby.”

I cant tell if the throb I feel is aftershocks or not, but I love it when she talks about it like it’s real. It’s got me ready to go again. Even still, I have to smirk.

“It’s strawberry flavored.”

I can hear the finger pop out of her mouth. I sit up on one elbow, looking dizzy and stupid. We look at each other, suppressing giggles. We give up and break into peals of laughter. She tugs me in close while we’re still laughing, and I lean my head into her chest and feel it pitch me up and down. We quiet down and I close my eyes.

“Thanks, Mac.” Here I go, saying her name again.

“What? Thank YOU, dude. That was so good, what the fuck?” She sounds like herself again, and it makes me feel ease. Like I know the person I just let touch me like that is the same one who loves me and cares for me so much, every day. “Best time I’ve had in a while.”

I kiss her neck softly where I can reach, still feeling the hot flush on her skin.

“Me too.”

We lie still a very long time, till it’s clear we’ll fall asleep there if we don’t get up and clean off. She helps me to my wobbly feet, and we get to it.

#butch4butch #stone butch #my text #butch lesbian #nervous to post this but I think it’s important #idc if anybody else reads it I just. think I have a lot to process and this is how I’m doing it I guess #that’s cool if you like it though! I’d b happy to hear other ppl connect with my writing

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cowboyjenunfilterednsfw · 4 years

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hi jen! im a 21 year old andro/masculine lesbian and i'm honestly terrified of sex. its not that i dont have a sex drive, and im definitely not asexual of any kind, but the act or even thought of actually doing it with someone brings me a lot of distress, and i really hate in general how disinterested i am in actually having sex. ive been in sexual relationships in the past but i've only ever received (most because i'm insecure in my lack of experience in giving) and my lack of interest in sex and insecurities and fears regarding it has caused rifts in my past relationships. this is probably something i should definitely go to therapy for and definitely not be venting your anonymous asks about instead, but its hard for me to feel like im not abnormal and alone in how i'm feeling. people talk about how amazing lesbian sex is, and i wish i could feel less scared about it even though ive had sex before. i feel very insecure of ever being able to provide properly for a future partner, which i know is just from lack of experience but i still dont know how to stop feeling this way. i dont know if you know anyone like this or can offer me any advice on this, but i appreciate you reading this.

Hi. I am glad you reached out. When i was coming out and having sex for the first time with a woman my older lesbians friends were my cheerleaders, my sex Ed teachers and my mentors. I could ask them anything and they would be upfront and honest with me and only crack a smile on occasion. I also had the benefit of sex workshops at women’s festivals. Lesbians love their workshops!

Therapy can help you work through trauma or fears or just hash out some complex emotions that might be swirling around in your head: a mixture of what you hear, what you are exposed to from friends and your own nerves.

Unlike what lots of others want you to believe (TIKTOK I am looking at you!). Lesbian sex is not always just a series of orgasms with very little effort. Nor is the average lesbians a top or a bottom or stone or a pillow princess or any other particular role in the bedroom.

The average lesbian is like you. Unsure, nervous, concerned, excited and many other emotions. I am going to make a bit of an assumption, but as a butch I think I can make this call. Being masc or butch can come with added pressure to fit certain roles: IE top, aggressive, the one to make the first move etc. Ignore all that. Do not be afraid to explore all sides of sex and what brings you and your partner pleasure.

Ok. so lets talk about being inexperienced. DO not... i repeat.. do not! let that prevent you from enjoying sex to the fullest, giving or receiving. Find a partner that will talk you through what feels right, can guide you with kindness and allow you to guide them. Lesbians are not mind readers, no matter what tiktok says. DO NOT allow a partner to tell you are bad in bed or that you need them to “teach you” or you won’t be desirable. YOU are desirable as you. When two women care for each other and have mutual trust, which you should strive for, you are patient and kind. You communicate and allow for trying and not always succeeding. You laugh at what goes wrong and celebrate what goes right.

You do NOT have to be in a long term relationship for there to be some trust and respect. You should expect that even from a one night stand. IF you see red flag, if you feel demeaned or belittled, walk away. There should be no power language “you need me” or “only I will put up with it”.

Ok. now the reality and pep talk. The reality is.. even great sex does NOT always led to orgasm. It is okay to stop when you are tired, they are tired or you want to. Orgasms are wonderful but they do not always have to be the end goal. Multiple orgasms are possible but don’t happen every time or often for everyone. It depends on bodies and moods and timing. Lesbian sex can be quick or take hours but it is not a contest with others. It is for your pleasure, her pleasure and that is the focus. If both of you are getting pleasure pleasing the other one, you will do just fine.

As to others feeling like this. YES.. even me. Most of us experience trepidation about sex, whether we are inexperienced, haven’t had sex for a while or are going to be with a new partner. Let yourself be excited about the possibilities rather than focus on the chance something doesn’t go right. Just know that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. You have no obligation to have sex the first time or another time. Neither do they.

The really good new is, if you find a partner you share mutual passion with, you will figure it out together. Learning and exploring happens with each new partner, not just your first because women vary wildly. Enjoy the adventure which includes missteps and failures. But it will also include forming an amazing connection with another human and feeling the warmth and tenderness that goes with having sex with another woman.

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skruttet · 5 years

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I flicked through the Tuula Karjalainen book and read bits and pieces of it already and there’s this one section about homosexuality in it that I found really interesting so I thought I’d post it here, even though it’s a bit long oops, in case any of y’all were interested in reading it! Like, I never knew Tove had a gay cousin whom Tove was supportive of in terms of her lesbian identity and whose partner wrote a dissertation on Tove’s books?? So fascinating! Also was not expecting the sentence “The Hattifatteners resemble a wandering flock of penises or condoms”; usually they’re referred to more subtly with words like ‘phallic’ but not here xD

OPEN AND CLOSED

Many researchers have looked for references to homosexuality in Tove’s writings. Although she did not talk about it in public, she made no attempt to conceal it either, and her relationship with Tuulikki Pietilä was known to everyone. The two women took part in official state events such as the President’s Independence Day ball, where they were clearly the first to attend the event officially as a lesbian couple. Their relationship was so open and obvious it was that it was not newsworthy. It was hard to build a scandal on something that everyone knew - even the press, which liked to chase stories of that kind.

Psychological explanations of various kinds often have a chapter of their own in the analyses of Tove’s books, and sometimes unusual views have been expressed. The Swedish scholar Barbro K. Gustafsson earned her doctorate in 1992 from Uppsala University’s Theological Faculty with a dissertation on Tove’s books for adults. She made a special study of The Doll’s House, Sun City, ‘The Great Journey’ and Fair Play, and although her thesis also covered the Moomin stories, they were dealt with more briefly.

Perhaps surprisingly, Tove agreed to be interviewed by Gustafsson during her research work, and even participated in it actively by attending Gustafsson’s dissertation defence. The fact that Tove was prepared to do this may partly be explained by a family connection: Gustafsson was the partner of Tove’s beloved cousin Kerstin. When Kerstin, from a religious family, had realised that she was lesbian, Tove had been extremely supportive. Tove and her friends also helped Kerstin with many issues related to her lesbian identity.

Tove refused to give any public interviews about the dissertation defence, and did not want to talk about her private life or relationships. She returned to Finland as soon as the defence and the celebrations for Gustafsson’s Ph.D. were over, though she did issue a press release. In it she followed convention, thanking Gustafsson for the clarity of her book and her extensive knowledge of the subject - she had, Tove thought, succeeded in uncovering a rarely explored area of the unconscious. She also said that though much was written about authors, it was perhaps best done after their death, if at all. As if to soften the blow, she stressed the degree of trust between herself and Gustafsson. She said that following the progress of the research had been like an adventure, and that it had almost allowed her to see herself as a pioneer.

In her study, Gustafsson focuses on a dream that Tove had in the 1930s and found strangely threatening. In it she had seen large, black, wolf-like dogs on a seashore at sunset. A psychologist had explained to her that the dream was about repressed drives and forbidden sensuality.

In her thesis, Gustafsson is perhaps prone to detect elements of homosexuality too easily in very ordinary matters connected with the sea and archipelago life. She also discussed the wild animals that Tove often returned to both in the Moomin books and in her works for adults. In Moominland Midwinter the dog Sorry-oo wants to join the wolves and learn to howl like them. The story concerns the desire to leave the species into which one has been born, something that proves impossible. In The True Deceiver, the wolfhound plays a central role in the power relationship between the two women. Numerous readers have seen allusions to homosexuality in the comic strip about a little dog that falls in love with a cat. It realises that the love is wrong and becomes depressed. In the end the cat turns out to be a dog in disguise. This time the problem has a simple solution.

In Tove’s books there are repeated descriptions of people or Moominvalley creatures becoming ‘electric’, and this is clearly an important theme in her writing. The Hattifatteners resemble a wandering flock of penises or condoms - in thunderstorms they become electric, and then burn anyone who gets close to them. It is very easy to imagine that the electrification is an allegory for oestrus. The Mymble is also able to become electric - with her countless children she is the most sensual character in Moominvalley. The Whomper Toft in Moominvalley in November is the master of thunder and lightning. He lets the Creature out of a locked cupboard, and all that remains is a smell of electricity. The Creature runs away and grows even larger during thunderstorms, when lightning fills the sky, but is too big, angry and bewildered to be so big and angry. In ‘The Doll’s House’, electrification brings about a drama of jealousy between three men that leads to violence. There is a similar outcome in ‘The Great Journey’, where the mother feels the electrifying presence of her daughter’s female friend, whereupon the daughter becomes jealous.

Fair Play is a book about the relationship between two women in their seventies who are set in their ways, and their daily life together. Gustafsson uses the narrative to examine their mutual roles in the light of the old custom of categorising lesbians either as ‘femmes’ or ‘butches’, the latter having more masculine traits - a way of seeing a relationship between two women as a copy of a heterosexual one. Jonna and her prototype Tuulikki correspond to the ‘butch’ profile. Tove also portrayed Tuulikki as Moominvalley’s Too-ticky, a rather burly, masculine figure who keeps a knife in her belt.

Quoting Lord Alfred Douglas and the line of verse that was mentioned at the indecency trial of Oscar Wilde, Gustafsson writes that homosexual love is the love that does not dare speak its name. Although the time in which Tove lived was quite different from Wilde’s, there were similar prejudices and tensions in society - and, of course, they influenced her writing. Over the centuries women were not expected to write blatant erotic descriptions, but had instead to express themselves in allegorical terms. It was supposed that they did experience such feelings - and even more so when they were the result of unlawful love.

Tove’s books contain no openly erotic episodes or writing of a sexual nature and in this her writing is typical of women’s literature of her time. Sometimes it feels as though the characters in her books have to some extent been freed from sexuality. Their relationships are based more on understanding and friendship than on ardent passion, though their jealousy can sometimes take violent forms. Many things are veiled in highly metaphorical language. In the books that Tove wrote for adults, male and female couples are portrayed interchangeably without particular emphasis. In many of her books, as in her life, homosexuality was so natural that there was no need to make a fuss about it. While it was not to be denied, it was not to be given a high profile either. It was almost as though she backed out of dealing with her sexuality too openly, and in fact she forbade her biographer to write about her love affairs. Since the biography was written for children, this kind of advance censorship was possible.

In the story ‘The Great Journey’ (’Den stora resan’), two women in their seventies, Rosa and Elena, together with Rosa’s mother, live a life of humdrum joys and sorrows and work on their creative tasks. Among all three, physical love is a taboo subject. Elena asks Rosa: ‘What does she know, in any case? Nothing. She doesn’t know anything about such matters.’ The two women are unable to show their feelings for each other if Rosa’s mother is present. They plan a holiday together, but Rosa changes her mind and goes away with her mother instead. She remembers the promise she made in the nursery: ‘I’ll take you with me, I’ll steal you from Papa, we’ll go to a jungle or sail out on the Mediterranean... I’ll build you a castle where you shall be queen.’

Organisations that promoted sexual equality in Finland and the Nordic countries gave Tove awards for her pioneering work on behalf of sexual minorities, and she has certainly been an extremely important role model and author in the gay community. She had the ability to be completely open, yet at the same time quite private - as in the case of the dissertation, when she gave Gustafsson interviews and took part in the defence, but would not agree to answer questions from journalists who were interested in her private life. In relation to her lesbian identity, as shown by this very situation, she sometimes came out of the closet, and at other times she concealed the truth.

Tove’s homosexuality inspired a great many researchers and readers to look for the most varied interpretations. Perhaps her slightly sardonic attitude to this excessive interest can be seen in her song ‘Psychomania’ (’Psykofnattvisan’), written in 1963 for the revue Krasch and set to music by Erna Tauro. The song is like an obscure parody, in which psychoanalytic terms form a wild, cacophonous reality all of their own. It is as though she is drifting among people who are intently looking for something and who begin to see the signs of it everywhere. In fact, they can no longer see anything else because their heads are filled with ‘psychomania’. The song is a lengthy one, and operates on many levels. It also demonstrates that its author was familiar with the psychological terminology of the day - Tove had always been fascinated by interpretations of the human mind and she knew the terminology back to front, so well in fact that she could play with it:

I pore and pore and where I pore the symbols gather more and more I sink right through the floor into depression and tendentious apperception...

-Tove Jansson: Work and Love by Tuula Karjalainen

#tove jansson #moomins #LGBT+#krasch #work and love

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problemsofabooknerd · 6 years

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My Favorite Movies/Shows/Webseries with LGBTQIA+ Main Characters

Pride Day 13!

Check out the intro to my Pride project here.

I thought today we would take a break from books - and from personal stories - to talk a bit more about other queer media I enjoy. Sometimes I’m not in the mood to read, but I still want to get the chance to see stories about wonderful LGBTQIA+ humans. So, here we go, a personal recommendations list of movies/tv shows/webseries that I adore that feature LGBTQIA+ main characters.

Movies

♡ Love, Simon

I mean, this is an obvious one. I adore the book, Simon Vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, but I have a little more love for the movie itself. I’m also currently on a high because I just rewatched it on my plane and I will never NOT be emotional. In case you don’t know, Love, Simon is a rom com about a high schooler named Simon who ends up being pen pals with another closeted gay kid at his school. It’s overwhelming, and Jennifer Garner never fails to bring me to sobs.

♡ The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love

It’s super sad to me that this movie doesn’t get passed around as often on recommendations lists, but I think that is possibly due to the fact that it can be a little harder to find. However! If you are desperately searching for a f/f movie comparable to Love, Simon, this is about as close as I can get you. It’s full of antics (sometimes SUPER over the top), romance (between a super butch white girl and a super femme black girl), and a whole heap of other fabulousness.

♡ Life Partners

A recently discovered one for me that I think deserves a bit more hype! This is a comedy about two best friends - one lesbian, one straight - as they fall in and out of love, struggle to figure out their careers, and generally navigate adulthood as BFFs. This is one of those movies where I’m honestly super pissed we don’t have more like it - it’s a movie about complex relationships between women that also features a shit ton of lesbian culture. Pride events! Gay bars! How many lesbians can you fit inside a Subaru! It’s all fabulous.

♡ But I’m a Cheerleader

A true classic. I remember my girlfriend showing me this back when I still insisted I was straight, but lord oh lord did it make an impact. It’s always hard to recommend queer stories set in conversion camps (take one of my favorite books, The Miseducation of Cameron Post, for example), but I think this is one of the few that still manages to be engaging and really fun. Plus, Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall are honestly staples of queer media for me.

♡ Battle of the Sexes

‘Sup, super gay Emma Stone - you truly make my dreams come true. To be honest, the fact that this is a based-on-a-true-story, gay, sports movie is just so perfectly me in terms of movie taste I will never be over it. Everyone does a remarkable job, but this is especially phenomenal in terms of how deeply gay it is and I love it to bits.

♡ The Runaways

Yet again, my deep and abiding love for movies based on true events appears. This is the movie that made me realize that a) Kristen Stewart is seriously a good actress and b) I’m super in love with her. This one is about The Runaways, the all-girl rock band Cherie Currie and Joan Jett were both a part of. It features scenes of KStew and Dakota Fanning making out so prepare your gay heart, lest ye be overwhelmed.

♡ Brokeback Mountain

Of course we end the list of movies here. I spent so much of my life believing the hype surrounding this movie - that it was just that sad cowboy movie and nothing more. And then I watched it and finally had to recognize just how poorly people had been talking about what an incredible film this is. I mean, yes. Sad cowboys! They are there! But the emotional depth and honest passion that is portrayed in this movie breaks my heart every single time. It’s just utterly beautiful.

Obviously this list isn’t comprehensive and there are so many more on my to-watch list. For example, I somehow haven’t seen Moonlight yet, and that feels like a travesty. I also really need to get to Pariah and Tangerine.

TV Shows

♡ Black Mirror - San Junipero

In case you don’t already know, Black Mirror is an science fiction anthology show, and every episode can be watched without the context of any of the other episodes. Which makes “San Junipero” just about perfect. It’s one of the only happy episodes of the whole show, and it gives me the most pure, joyful sapphic 80s vibes. I would kill for a full movie based on this episode. I would watch a million hours of sapphic ladies jamming to 80s music. Give it all to me.

♡ Sense8

I recently talked a bit about Sense8 in my post about what Pride means to me, because I think I always tie this show into my feelings on this month. In premise, it’s about 8 strangers around the world who form a psychic connection with one another. More than that, though, it’s about the things that make us different, and how those differences also emphasize our similarity and the power in solidarity. It’s a beautiful story about found family, and it just barely got its finale episode on Netflix that I’m dying to watch but haven’t yet because I’m honestly not feeling emotionally ready enough to handle it.

♡ Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Wow, this show. Wowww, this show. This is a pretty standard sitcom, about a group of lovable misfits who all work together. It’s set in a police precinct in Brooklyn, and initially feels like it centers on detective Jake Peralta, but the show quickly figured out that it had stars in every member of the cast. Two of my faves are Captain Raymond Holt and Detective Rosa Diaz, both queer POC that blow me away constantly. Holt is a black, gay detective who spent years fighting prejudice to make it through the ranks and be the stern-yet-lovable Captain of the squad. Rosa is a badass, bike riding, keep-your-nose-out-of-my-business bisexual Latina who owns my whole heart. It’s a show that does queer rep right, and a show that constantly reminds me to be happy even when it seems a little impossible for me to do that.

♡ American Horror Story

It’s bizarre to me how a horror anthology show still has some of the most consistent queer rep of any television show I watch. Now, this show absolutely has its problems still. Because it is a horror show, many queer characters get killed off. And my favorite season, Hotel, features a trans woman character who is played by a cis male actor. So, my warning is always to go in knowing the faults in the show. BUT this is still a show that consistently represents a variety of sexualities played by a variety of characters and actors, and I just appreciate it so deeply for normalizing that kind of rep over and over again. And I think I also want to give Ryan Murphy some credit in growing, considering the incredible work he is doing with Pose, hiring so many trans actors, writers, and directors to accurately shape that show.

There are of course other shows doing a good job with LGBTQIA+ rep, even if they don’t feature characters in leading roles. Shows like Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Schitt’s Creek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The Magicians are all ones I adore that feature queer peeps who own my whole heart. And there are tons more out there I would love to watch like The Bold Type, Black Lightning, One Day at a Time, Wynonna Earp, and Killing Eve!

Webseries

♡ Carmilla

Lesbian vampire! Spooky school! Soft journalist lesbian! Nonbinary side character! Queer kids everywhere dealing with the end of the world and the absurdly bizarre reality of their university! If you haven’t watched Carmilla yet, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s a shame, and you must come and join us all in the better timeline where you’ve seen the show and can also gush with us.

♡ Her Story

This is a super short webseries, but one I would love to have more of. It is an honest, sweet depiction of the lives of two trans women living in Los Angeles, California. They deal with relationship issues, friendship, gatekeeping, loving women, loving men, and more. It’s an excellently done series, and Jen Richards is a remarkable actress and creative force, and I cannot wait to see what else she plans to do.

♡ Chosen Family

A webseries that is not fictional! Tyler Okaley is a name you probably know by now, if you’re part of the queer internet scene. He has been doing work for years in uplifting the LGBTQIA+ community, raising awareness, raising money, and a whole lot more. Chosen Family started last year, and I loved keeping up with it all through Pride, and this year we get even more episodes. Whether he is talking about queer people through history, queer immigrants, the beginnings of Pride, or even just talking to other queer creators, it is a series that celebrates this community in so many different ways and I love the work it does and how uplifted it makes me feel.

Alright, that’s where I’m going to wrap up this list for now. I thought about also adding queer music videos to this list but it would double in size if I did that soooo perhaps another day. What are some of your favorite movies/shows/webseries that feature LGBTQIA+ main characters? Send me a message and let me know!

#pride #lgbtqia+#movies #recommendations #if you feel like there's an incredibly popular gay movie missing from my list it is probably not there for a reasonnnnnn #i swear to god if people try to tell me to watch call me by your name i'm gonna lose it #just putting that out there

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neuroweird · 6 years

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all of the lesbian asks, my dude

Lesbians Asks

1 ) Femme of Butch?

I consider myself more futch, but I like both either, all lesbians.

2 ) Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it

I have an emotional type. Someone who shares some similar interests, but has unique interests as well. Personality traits that complement each other’s, a love language I can work with. Someone with whom a relationship is an adventure and a learning experience. Someone who is adventurous with food and at least some inclination toward healthy / active lifestyles.

3 ) Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

Plaid button up under a leather jacket.

4 ) Describe your style.

Chronic pain chique? Grey tone futch with a pop of colour?

5 ) Describe your aesthetic.

My “personal” pinterest board.

6 ) Favorite article of clothing?

My grey speckled crewneck sweatshirt.

7 ) Favorite pair of shoes?

My running shoes, bc that’s where my orthotics are.

8 ) Current haircut?

Just long enough to put a tiny little ponytail in it, but short enough that not all my hair fits. Also an undercut at the back.

9 ) Any haircut goals for the future?

Currently growing it out. I want it long again, which I haven’t had since I was like… 12.

10 ) Describe the best date you’ve been on.

I’m like the worst person to ask this, since I’ve only gone out with my gf. We went out for brunch on our anniversary two years ago and it was very sweet.

11 ) Describe the worst date you’ve been on.

It was with this trans guy who I didn’t know was a trans guy for the first month I knew him. He had a gender neutral (Jules) name at the time so I just thought he was butch. My friend told me that he was a trans guy and I was like “wow thank god I never misgendered him to his face”.

He asked me out and sort of misheard me when I said “my mom and sister love chocolate but I like savoury foods more”… so he took me to this place called Coco70 which… only sells chocolate dishes… and then we missed the more date appropriate movie we were gonna see and saw Hunger Games (2?) instead.

He was really so sweet, but I didn’t think I was right for him because he was self conscious about how much taller I am than him. He tried so hard to make it special and I appreciated that, but boy was it awkward after I told him I didn’t think I could date him anymore.

12 ) Single? Taken?

I’ve been in a relationship for over 5 years now, but we’re open with it. Thus I am very much open to dating other girls.

13 ) If taken, talk about your girlfriend.

Alice is a lovely person! She adores her cat, and is an amazing writer. She’s a take no shit kind of person, and I appreciate that. She is caring to the point of stressing herself out, she loves to cook (she’s a great cook!).

14 ) If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?

Everything in 11, but also someone whose idea of “clean” is complementary to mine, similar desires about kids, adventurous ideas about sex? Career ambitions? Likes cats/dogs/both? Someone who would want to be active/better our health together.

15 ) Describe your dream wedding.

Oh my gosh. I cannot possibly do that. I have a “weddings” board on pinterest with different ideas. Nothing too extravagant, nothing too small. Balanced. It would depend on the woman I’m marrying 100%.

16 ) Do you want kids?

I do ! I am uncertain about the method of becoming a mother, but I’m not opposed to adopting, having a donor, myself or my partner carrying the baby (or babies). It all depends really. But yes, I want to be a mother.

17 ) If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

Somewhere not too hot but not too cold. I’d really love to be successful enough to have condos in cities around the world.

18 ) Favourite lesbian movie.

God. I’m a cliche. It’s Carol (2015).

19 ) Favourite lesbian novel/story?

Carol. Again. I need some lesbian book recs. Can I say my own? Because I’m writing my own.

20 ) Favourite lesbian song?

Talia by King Princess?

21 ) Favourite lesbian musician?

I am… uncultured… King Princess?

22 ) What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any?

I lean on everything, and dyke spread.

23 ) Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

My girlfriend’s neighbours thought I was her bc we both had buzz cuts when I visited her, despite her being like 4-5 inches shorter than me.

24 ) If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?

I love having matching jewelry with who I’m dating. Get me a necklace or a ring or something and have one for you too? I’m all yours. Also my love language is “words of affirmation” and “receiving gifts”, the latter of which means that I love gifts, but it doesn’t have to be a monetary item, it could be a cool rock.

25 ) Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

Not having to give men any attention.

26 ) Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?

I like either but I enjoy cats for size and their independence.

27 ) Turn ons.

I need to leave a little bit of mystery.

28 ) Turn offs?

Lack of cleanliness, condescension?

29 ) Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

I am a huge coward, and unless there is some mutual interest I just die a little until I either break tell them I want to date them or drop hints until they do? Alice and I just literally decided to be in a relationship, there was no real dating-asking.

30 ) What is your dream career?

Screenwriter, novelist, filmmaker.

31 ) Talk about your interests or hobbies!

I write a lot, I’m working on a few novels and screenplays. You can find my work at @melrosiewrites which is my writeblr. I also dabble in photoshop, and read quite a bit.

32 ) What is the most attractive quality a woman can have?

Usually her face. A nice smile is very captivating.

33 ) Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

It would be nice not to get petty crushes on all my friends. Does that say enough?

34 ) Ever fallen for your best-friend?

Nope.

35 ) Ever fallen for a straight girl?

Nope.

36 ) The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)

I watched it. I was a bit young for it. What a mess.

37 ) Favorite comfort food?

French fries? Sushi?

38 ) Coffee or tea?

Tea, with honey.

39 ) Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

Omnivore, but not against going more plant based. Definitely prepared to accommodate someone’s diet (choice or allergy based). I would like to buy more organic, free range, meat.

40 ) Do you have any pets.

Not at the moment.

41 ) Early riser, or night owl?

I prefer being up early, but I don’t like alarm clocks, I’d rather the sunlight wake me. I go to bed at like 10 PM.

42 ) What is your sign?

Taurus.

43 ) Can you drive?

I cannot.

44 ) Who was your first lesbian crush?

The only openly gay girl in my highschool, who’s a little dumb bc I told her twice that I liked her, but she was very surprised when I told her the second time. She is so butch and now she’s married and a mom! Her wife is expecting their child soon. I’m so happy for her.

45 ) At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

I knew I wasn’t straight when I was like 14? But I identified as bi for most of highschool. I only decided I was a lesbian when I was 18.

46 ) At what age did you come out (if you have)?

Probably soldily after I got with Alice. So, a little over 5 years ago.

47 ) Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

I would marry Sarah Paulson in a heartbeat. Okay. Otherwise. No serious crushes.

48 ) Talk about how your day went.

I bought maroon gloves that match my scarf, three face masks and those loopy hairbands before class, then bought Timmies for lunch, and have been answering all of these while listening to a guest lecturer in my “the city after dark” class. I’m going to help a family friend with her daughter’s birthday party after.

49 ) Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future.

Able to afford everything I need to better my health and maintain my health. My dream wardrobe, my dream home (homes?). I want to be challenged in my creative passions, and I want to share them and be a well known screenwriter and filmmaker.

50 ) Least favourite gay celebrity?

Uh. Aub*ey Pl*za? She said something a bit distasteful and a bit transphobic a while back, but otherwise I just don’t really like her vibe. Not too deep.

#lesbin #about me.#answered asks.#long post.#( thank you ! )

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lavender-femme · 3 years

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mocha, green tea, iced coffee, and italian soda please? - that one bottom

Mocha : Dream Job? oh god. why do i feel like this will be the hardest one to answer?? there’s just SO much i can do... so much i WANT to do. I have a little trouble narrowing it down if i’m being honest, i just have such varied interests, and i don’t know exactly where i want to direct my energy. I’ll say, I have these two little visions of what I could/might do someday. There’s a main street in my hometown that i have the fondest memories of, and it’s gotten pretty run down over the years, but the city is working to revitalize it and bring back the same traditional (in the sense of our city) energy it had before. The first vision: a concert/art space venue focused on queer and POC creators and artists. I’d call it the Ko-llective (which is funny but in an if you know, you know sort of way.) Ideally it would be non-profit and open up a queer space where younger queer kids could come together, y’know one that’s not a gay bar, basically. We only have one gay bar in my whole state anyway... but yeah, it’s a semi blurry vision, and it wouldn’t be anything huge, but I really like the thought of it. The second vision: you asked about reading (and trust, we’ll get to that...) This is one i’ve actually researched commercial real estate for... I have this strong desire to open a bookstore along this same street dedicated to queer and poc authors and their stories. I’d call it Cozy Cat Books and of course have shop cats, and author readings, and comfy nooks for customers to sit and read... maybe a little coffee bar... I want to give the kids in the area something. The area it would be in is majority latinx and also near one of the larger homeless shelters.. so i’d want to partner with school’s and the shelter to see what we could do to help with literacy and getting books in kids’ hands y’know?

I swear this was not to be this long ahhhhhhh. Maybe i should just have y’all ask me questions in order to write essays for my transfer apps lol

Green Tea : How tall are you? i’m 5′7.5″ (on a good day, most days it’s just 5′7″) that’s about 170cm for any non-american followers

Iced Coffee : Do you like reading? If so, what’s your favorite book? Reading is my first love... maybe my true love. My grandma worked as a pre-school teacher for a while and since we spent so much time with her, she instilled a need for reading in our lives. I should warn you, i am decidedly the worst at choosing favorites 😅 Recently Malinda Lo released Last Night at the Telegraph Club and it’s safe to say that it’s currently sitting in the top spot (PLEASE GO READ THIS BOOK I AM BEGGING Y’ALL IT’S 17 YEAR OLD BUTCH/FEMME LESBIANS IN 1950′S SAN FRANCISCO!!! THE MAIN CHARACTER IS CHINESE AND MALINDA LO DID SO SO SO MUCH RESEARCH FOR THIS BOOK AND IT’S SO GOOD AND IF YOU’VE READ IT PLEASE SLIDE IN TO THE DMS SO WE CAN DISCUSS IT THANK YOU) I’m trying to read a lot more this year. I use GoodReads (DM if you want the link lol) and am on the booktok side of tiktok and it’s been a good motivator. I’m thinking of starting a booktok series where i read “classic” lesbian fiction and tell people if it’s worth reading... idk seems like it might be fun y’know? Anyway, before all this, my favorite book was A Thousand Splendid Suns which is one of two required reading books i acutually read in middle/high school and ii also 10/10 recommend it.

(just a general warning, this is what happens when you get me started talking about books and reading lol)

Italian Soda : Describe your dream date Anything with adventure. I want to be outside for some part of it. I don’t have anything that I’ve like dreamt of or anything. Tbh, in my opinion, every date is a dream date as long as I’m with the person I love. (And if i’m being honest, I haven’t gone on all that many dates, so I don’t have much to compare anything to either.) Realizing I’m femme has defintiely chaned -- or rather solidified how I view dates and how I’d want them to feel. I don’t totally subscribe to OFOS butch/femme practices, but for a lot of them, it just confirms that I’d really love those things so long as they’re not with a man.

hooooooo boy thank you for reading this novel of a post, i hope you learned all you wanted to about me (and hopefully not too much)

If anyone still wants to know more about me... Cafe Asks

#as always I'm not legally responsible for any typos that my be in this post #ask #anon #that one bottom

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sapphic-sex-ed · 6 years

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I have a question. I identify as a lesbian. I want romantic and sexual relationships with people who identify as females. But I've been going through a little crisis lately where I maybe would have sex with a man. I could never see myself in a romantic relationship with a man, but I wouldn't mind a quick hookup, just a one and done thing. Does this make me bisexual?? 😩😪 I'm confused

You should think about why you want to be with a man. Maybe you’re curious and want to experiment with a guy. Maybe you have internalized lesbophobia and feel that you need to have sex with a man to have some kind of validity or for it to Count as sex. Maybe you want the kinds of sex you might associate with a cis man (such as PiV), or want a masculine partner (flirt with Butches!).

It’s possible your romantic and sexual orientations don’t match. Is there a specific man you want to have sex with? Perhaps a specific type? Maybe there is a specific trait you like that is associated with men.

You can go find a man or just have a nice long think about this. If you choose to have sex with a man and figure out that you don’t like them, having that sex does not invalidate your lesbian-ness, even if you liked the sex itself. If it turns out that you are bisexual but a romantic lesbian, or have a strong preference, or whatever else, then that’s okay too! There is a lot less support for bi girls who used to think they were lesbians than the reverse, but I promise that if that’s you then you are not hurting lesbians at all by changing your labels.

Good luck! Figuring yourself out is an adventure, so try to enjoy the ride.

-*Mod Star*

#mod star #identities #labels #questioning #anon

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ol-razzle-dazazzle · 6 years

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All the gay asks bc you made me do all of them

OWO thank you I love you1. describe your idea of a perfect dateAll of them??? Kakhiwkdkalgr walking around the beach or going to a bookstore or maybe a forest to chill or an abandoned place for a spooky date??? Movie date??? Ocean date??? Marriage date??? All good!!! Crab catching would certainly be on the agenda though. The oceans the best2. whats your “type”My type? Uhh anyone that’s nice to me lmao. Someone i can joke with and I know that cares about me. Quiet on the outside but like, nurturing and fun when you get to know em. Someone that doesn’t let people treat em like garbage because i yearn to be like that. On a side note I’m not sure why but most people i used to tend to have crushes on were ISFJs (or ESFJs) probably because they fit the criteria above. I don’t really like people that are totally my personality, and I think it’s important to not surround yourself with yes people or people that vehemently disagree with you. And communication! V important In terms of looks though? The kinds of girls I’m attracted to vary a lot actually. Buff girls soft girls tall girls short girls thin girls medium girls big tiddy little tiddy it’s all good. I guess I tend to prefer girls that aren’t white (not in a fetishistic way of course it’s just most girls that I’ve had crushes on or knew that were gay that were white just had really bad personalities and that brand of White Feminism™️ sorry if I worded this poorly) brown or black hair I guess? Just someone that doesn’t look like me adjnrujbslltgbk. Also someone I can squish and hug nicely. Of course I think there’s a lotta bullshit with people limiting themselves to only a few criteria and the racism or body type discrimination is total bullshit. Fetishisation is just as bad. There’s just so many cute girls out there why be a shitlord to people y’know? 3. do you want kids?Later on in life, if my partner would then yeah sure why not. I hate babies though so I would...4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?Adopt definitely. I’d personally prefer to adopt a kid that’s older, because they have a less chance of being chosen and I want them to be raised in a loving environment. 5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been onI’ve never been on an actual date ;v; but tbh any date I’d have with my gf would automatically top the list6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)I’ve never had sex so I got no gosh dang clue aside from fantasies, which I would be nervous as heck but ultimately want to be as adoring as possible and kisses everywhere7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?Mornings when you don’t have to go to things are amazing and beautiful but otherwise afternoon or night time gay. Anything that isn’t midday is good though8. opinion on nap dates?I’d be down for it. Sleeping is great, but cuddling and sleeping? Even better! Doesn’t matter for how long but yes! Good shit!!! 9. opinion on brown eyes?Only the most beautiful thing ever??? Brown and black eyes being ugly is a government lie, they are gorgeous. Black eyes just have that deep obsidian stare and like an adoring cat with dialated pupils you just want to hug, and brown eyes??? When the light hits them or you’re staring into them? Beautiful galaxies my dude. 10. dog gay or cat gay?I love dogs but I would never own one unless my partner wanted one. They’re just not a companion I prefer to cats. Cats are very good and fluffy and compact in comparison to dogs. Dogs are amazing though and I need to pay every one I see. 11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?Dude we already planned to live in a pseudo-barn to have crabs, rats, bats, cats and lizards 12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someoneSomeone who’s very ‘my way or the high way’. (My mum’s a lot like this and it’s caused me to try to constantly be appeasing. But with my mental illness I’ve gotten a lot more irritated by it.) Or someone that is a bit too mean I’m joking about people to the point where you don’t know if they’re serious. (I have this problem a lot with ‘friends’ and it leads to a lot of doubts and depression.) Also highly argumentative people who want to seem better than you and debate everything you say. (Just...ew.)13. what is a misconception you had about lgbt people before you realized you were one?I live in a homophobic family, so I used to think gay was a swear word lmao. I was told that we were unnatural, burning in hell, hypersexual, all that shit. Issues on trans people were even worse, and back when I considered the possibility of me being a trans man (while I experience dysphoria In my body I don’t think I would ID as a man- at the time I didn’t know what agender identities were) I was made to feel like it was the worst thing ever or that it didn’t exist that everyone was just straight and ‘normal’ 14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger selfDon’t pretend you’re aroace to hide who you are, you’re autistic but that’s okay just don’t overwhelm yourself, try to do things to the best you can. Also toxic feminity/masculinity is bullshit don’t feel guilty about wearing anything. You’re gay it’s so much easier now and don’t let people dictate of make you defend yourself 15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?Lmao nah. There is always that awkward moment when you think you see a hot butch but then he’s a twink. Bamboozled again. 16. who is an ex you regret?A few years ago I was forced into a relationship with some rude ass dude who ignored that I ID’d as aroace at the time. I guess at the time I had some comp het so I think that’s why I went along with it? It was kinda some toxic shit like nothing nsfw but he was just a huge dick that went off at the slightest disagreement and I’m glad I got rid of that trash lmao17. night club gay or cafe gay?Cafe gay by far!!! Well I’ve never been to a night club, but I’m someone who gets overwhelmed by loud noises and people, so it wouldn’t be the place for me. Cafes are relaxing18. who is one person you would “go straight” forNo one lmao, The only possibility of slightly me becoming straight is like a fictional character19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?Books and video game gay! There needs to be more gaymes, but books are good I just have less time to read them as opposed to gaymes which I can do whenever 20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)Probably RenMerry from Touhou! These two mean a lot to me, and got me into the series that helped me realise I was a lesbian! These two just work so well together that I strive to have a relationship like that- a slightly bickery old couple with the freshness of new adventure tied together with a love that will never fade away even as it transcends borders~21. favourite gay youtuberDon’t really have one. I’m not really into the British youtuber scene and the ones that I do sub don’t really talk about their sexuality or not (I think sailor j might be bi? But that’s about it) I usually watch comedy channels or vocaloid covers. Actually Oktavia’s Gay, yeah let’s go with her. Her voice is amazing and made me realise how much I love deep voices22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?Ahbkowejkboesh I’ve had crushes on straight people that I’ve wanted to hang out with but no of course not I’m too shy for that shit23. have you ever been in love?Yes! And I’m still doing so right now! 24. have you ever been heartbroken?While in a relationship? No. But like the whole ‘falling in love with a straight girl senpai and then everyone tells her that you have a crush on her which causes you to be distant to each other leading you to cry copiously at her graduation and never truly repairing your friendship which is all you ever wanted and never being able to talk to her again?’ ...y yeah 25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someoneHonestly I try to make a distinction between ‘people I have crushes on’ and ‘people I would date’ bc yeah someone might be cute but dating is another story. I’m someone who varies a lot in style (as someone who may possibly be gender fluid or agender but hasnthad the opportunity to explore that for family reasons) 26. favourite lgbt musician/bandUhhh Queen I guess? Idk I need more gay shit recommend me please. Queen is quality shit though 27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gaysDon’t ever feel the need to apologise or defend you being gay. Be happy even if other people aren’t about you. If you’re autistic chances are you’ll question your identity, don’t worry about it and just love who you love. If you’re a lesbian especially don’t apologise or feel you have to be in a certain role to ‘be truly gay’ and also please ask people out otherwise you’ll never get anywhere- all lesbians are useless and I got lucky shjgowkgowlgr. But above all, don’t feel guilty and have fun exploring yourself and fleshing our who you are, even if you can’t always show that out loud. 28. are you out? if so how did you come outI’m not out to any family member (I say that I’m aroace but they believe I’m straight despite jokes on the contrary) but pretty much everyone that isn’t a complete stranger knows. I can’t help but talk adoringly over my girlfriend so it just happens. Otherwise I go on some spheal about homophobic bullshit dropping hints that I’m gay before saying I’m gay. It’s led to some shittalking and other various bullshit but I don’t give a fuck anymore 29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have Believing I was aroace and my friends saying that i was in denial of being gay. I was like ‘lmao Domi’s just a friend I lowkey have a crush on her but she’s just being nice :^)’ then like a week later burst through the door like BITCH GUESS WHOS GAY FOR HER GIRLFRIEND 30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexualityEvaluate the consequences of coming out. While I live in a homophobic family, Australia is somewhat accepting and there’s no conversion therapy to my knowledge at least (there are highly fundamentalist Christian groups but I’m not sure if they include forms of violence) Especially if you are in an anti-gay country or an area where you could be persecuted, I think it’s important to be out to at least one person you know who supports you. It could be online or a friend that you know you could trust (if you don’t know if you could try subtly bring it up and see their reaction, but better safe than sorry.) because it’s hard to go through this entirely alone. While it’s important to be unapologetic of who you are, it’s more important to protect yourself- this doesn’t make you wrong, but the people who make you feel wrong wrong.

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bellabooks · 7 years

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A look back on our 2017 publications

Romance, mystery, thrillers, erotica: Bella has it all. 2017 saw releases in all genres, with dashing debuts and ravishing returns. Here’s a look back at all of the new releases for 2017, and as a special bonus, Bella is doing a sale on many of these books this weekend, plus some debut authors from 2016. January 2017 Constellations by Meghan Diane We’re thrilled to have Meghan Diane’s debut novel, Constellations, premiering this January with Bella Books. Traveling photographer Aurora has pledged not to get involved with another woman for six months, but when Rugby player and astronomy buff Phoenix comes into her life, will Aurora be able to resist falling? Ask, Tell by E.J. Noyes Another Bella new author debut! Set during the oppressive DADT (Don’t Ask Don’t Tell) period in the US military, Captain Sabine Fleischer is feeling the pain of serving in silence while risking her life as a surgeon in a Afghanistan combat hospital. Things get even more complicated when Sabine can’t stop thinking about Colonel Rebecca Keane, her superior officer, and her feelings of attraction may just be reciprocated. Erased by Robbi McCoy Robbi McCoy’s newest novel is a thrilling sci-fi romance. Imagine chasing a bad guy one moment, and ending up two hundred years in the future, the next. That’s exactly what happens to police officer Dani Barsetti, who is now tasked with taking out a dangerous terrorist. Being in the future has wiped out all traces of Dani in the present, including the life she made with her wife, Gemma. Dani has two weeks before she’s sent back to the future on her mission to try and reconnect with Gemma, and possibly, just possibly fall in love all over again. New Additions by Becky Harmon Former cop and foster parent, Cassie Thomas, is about to meet her match in foster care worker, Kathleen Masters. Well, make that Kathleen and the four teenage girls she’d like to place in Cassie’s care. Will Cassie’s quiet life at her vacation resort be turned upside down by a quartet of new family members and a possible new romance? February 2017 Delay of Game by Tracey Richardson Niki Hartling and Eva Caruso are former Olympic hockey competitors, and lovers, torn apart by the pressures of the game. Twelve years later, the women find themselves thrust into each others lives again, now as player and rival coach. Sparks and ice will fly when these two deal with their buried feelings for each other. Consequences by Sarah Libero This debut novel by Sarah Libero features Emily, a closeted wife and mother, who loses her husband in what appears to be an accident. When Emily’s path crosses with Detective Kay DeLorme, an undeniable instant attraction ignites, and long hidden feelings rise to the surface. As their relationship deepens, so does Kay’s case and their decisions will have serious consequences. Party Favors by Jaime Clevenger This choose your own adventure erotica is a must have. You find yourself at a party full of gorgeous women, and each decision you make will lead to a different sexy and sensual conclusion. Milgrane: Embracing the Sapphire by Y.L. Wigman A massive diamond theft is at the center of this romantic thriller. Constable Taite O’Dath of the Australian Federal Police is on the international hunt for the diamonds. Could the owner of the diamonds, Sabine Zaffiro, actually be involved in the theft? And will she also steal Taite’s heart? March 2017 Stay With Me by Sheryl Wright In this follow-up to the popular romance, Don’t Let Go, Tyler Marsh and Georgie DiNamico are back as fiancées and business partners in the DiNamico -Phipps Company. Thinking that the drama is behind them, the couple goes about planning their wedding, but circumstances arise that could derail everything. Lori Phipps, also a successful businesswoman, gets thrown for a loop when she meets someone unlike anyone else she’s known before. In the Company of Crocodiles by Maggie Brown Former Australian Secret Service officer Vivian Andrews stumbles upon a body in her sleepy fishing village, and becomes embroiled in a murderous mystery. She’s recruited to help find a missing person by behavioral scientist Claire Walker, and it’s not long before the attraction between Vivian and Claire rises to the surface. But is Claire hiding something? Vivian aims to find out. No One But You by Catherine Maorisi After the heartbreak of being left at the altar, novelist Lily Alexander is a little gun-shy about getting back into the dating scene. Enter Robin DiLuca, a sexy butch entrepreneur who is looking for fun, but not love. Of course, the instant connection between the two leads to something serious. However, when their baby is born early, Robin’s past comes back to haunt her and she flees, thinking it’s best for her love and their child. Can an encounter with a stranger bring these two back together? Murder at Metrolina by Kate Merrill Artist Amanda Rittenhouse returns to her childhood home in North Carolina to nurse a broken heart. She rents a space in the Metrolina Tradeshow Expo, and starts to mend her own heart and her relationships with the family she left at 18. Amanda’s mom fancies herself a Nancy Drew and soon the Rittenhouse women have a major mystery on their hands. April 2017 Speak in Winter Code by S.M. Harding S.M. Harding’s latest romantic thriller picks up after the events of I Will Meet You There and A Woman of Strong Purpose. Colonel Win Kirkland and Sheriff Sarah Pitt are recently married and looking to add to their family, but when a network of dangerous people decide to use McCrumb County as home base, Win and Sarah must spring into action to take them down. A Secret to Tell by Ann Roberts Goldie Winner and Lambda Literary finalist Ann Roberts is back with her sixth book in the popular Ari Adams mystery series. When an attorney who is the keeper of many secrets ends up murdered, real estate agent Ari Adams and her girlfriend P.I. Molly Nelson start investigating in their own ways. There are five women in town who have a lot to hide, and will Molly and Ari be able to get to the bottom of the murder before becoming targets themselves? Homecoming by Celeste Castro This is Celeste Castro’s debut novel with Bella! Bestselling author Dusty Del Carmen is invited to speak at a conference in her old home state of Idaho, a place fraught with many unpleasant memories. Enter Professor Morgan West, a fan of Dusty’s and her unexpected companion when the two women become trapped in a rustic cabin together. Perhaps Morgan can find a way to help Dusty finally face the pain of her past. May 2017 Nico and Tucker by Rachel Gold In this sequel to Gold’s Just Girls, Jess Tucker is back and trying to heal from the wounds of the last year’s trauma. Nico is going through a crisis of their own, as a medical situation becomes impossible to ignore alongside pressure from their family. When Tucker and Nico get close, will Tucker be able to deal with her feelings, or will the familiar urge to run away take over? Sawmill Springs by Gerri Hill Gerri Hill is back with a new mystery! Homicide detective Mandi Murphy thought she was getting away from her stressful life as a Houston cop by taking up in the peaceful and quaint Sawmill Springs. Same for FBI agent Kayla Dixon who took a job offer from her police chief father and hoped for a quieter life. Everything was going great until a prominent citizen of the sleepy town is murdered. Now Mandi and Kayla will have to team up to find a killer and deal with their growing attraction for one another in the process. Choosing Love by MB Panichi Lesbian novelist/newspaper editor Amry Marasich is visiting her hometown of Northern Minnesota when she meets forestry officer Takoda Running Bear. The women are instantly drawn to one another, but Amry’s homophobic family makes it hard for her to want to return to this small town for good. Can their love survive the obstacles of intolerance and distance? The Winder Path by Lyn Dowland Veterinarian Gillian Pembury finds refuge in a small town in Northern England. She’d all but given up hope of a social life when farmwoman Sandi Helton came in with her life displaying an intoxicating mix of strength and compassion. Danger lurks however, threatening to derail this passionate romance. June 2017 Five Moons Rising by Lise MacTague Humanity is unaware of the secret world of supernatural creatures that live among them, and a special force of genetically engineered hunters makes sure it stays that way. When hunter Hunter Mary Alice Nolan and werewolf Ruri Samson- sworn enemies- come face to face, the unexpected happens. Water’s Edge by Genevieve Fortin This historical romance takes readers back to the late 1800s, where Emilie Levesque and Angeline Fournier forge a bond while working together in a textile mill. That bond is what keeps them strong under the back breaking conditions of the mill, and the oppressive expectations of women during that time. The women are eventually separated but fate will bring them together once again. Taken In by Erica Abbott CJ St. Clair thought she left the past behind her when she left Savannah for Colorado. However, CJ is forced to return to her hometown and try to solve a murder case and keep her family together at the same time. CJ’s partner Alex is also dealing with the fallout from a murder, but one that happened many years ago. Can CJ and Alex find a way through this together? July 2017 Conference Call by various This short story anthology by twenty-eight Bella authors features stories of women who find themselves immersed in drama, romance and intrigue, all the while attending their favorite cons, conferences and events. Conference Callis an anthology to benefit the Golden Crown Literary Society. Moment of Weakness by KG MacGregor After receiving an award for valor, and a career ending injury, Captain Suzann “Zann” Redeker heads back home from Afghanistan to Vermont. What Zann discovers something disturbing about the day she was injured and lost one of her team, her whole world is turned upside down. Will her partner Marleigh stand by her? No More Pretending by Bette Hawkins Actress Lauren Langham has her hands full with her biggest role to date — pretending to be straight. When she travels to small town Texas to shoot a new film, she meets Harper Ward and is instantly smitten. Harper mistakes Lauren’s attraction for arrogance, and when she’s hired as the director’s assistant, the two women find themselves butting heads and making sparks. Skin in the Game by Melissa Price In this sequel to 2015’s Steel Eyes, super spy Kenna Waverly is back and living quietly in Jamaica. She’s called back into service to help find the people behind a hack into America’s cyber security. She’s put together with a woman named Alice, who Kenna shares a past with. Along the way as they play this dangerous game, Kenna learns more about what happened to her parents, while putting her own life on the line. In Her Eyes by Renee J. Lukas The sequel to the best-selling Hurricane Days is finally here! Rock star Adrienne Austen is ready to open up about her relationship with former Governor Robin Sanders. Since then, Robin has gone into hiding while Adrienne continues her rise to the top. But where is Robin? Was “bad girl” Adrienne involved in her disappearance? August 2017 Fire Dancer by Micheala Lynn Having grown up sheltered, Sarah has only just begun discovering her true self. Totally uninterested in the men her family has been trying to set her up with, Sarah finds her interested piqued by a fire dancer named Jewel Black, or to her audiences, Enigma. Visiting Hours by Tagan Shepard In Tagan Shepard’s Bella debut, we meet history professor Alison Reynolds, who has it all pretty much figured out…or so she thinks. That’s until West Coast doctor Jess comes careening into her life. At first they clash, but under all that irritation lies a pesky attraction that won’t seem to go away. Pixie by D Jordan Redhawk This new novel by D Jordan Redhawk deals with the events started by her previous protagonist, Darkstone. With the veil between our dimension of the mystical realm finally pierced, humankind is dealing with all kinds of unexpected consequences. When Gillie flees from England and ends up in Portland, she meets Lindsay, a beautiful and kind woman with a shock of blue hair. However, falling for someone is hard enough when you aren’t being chased down by mystical creatures across an ocean. Echo Point by Virginian Hale Another Bella debut! After the sudden death of her sister, Libby, a grieving Bron comes back to Australia to take care of her young niece, Annie. When Libby’s best friend Ally comes in to the picture, Bron can’t help but bristle at Ally’s sudden presence in her family’s life. Just when Bron thinks of taking Annie back with her to Boston, a wild fire begins raging nearby and Bron realizes just how important Ally might be to her after all. September 2017 A Time to Speak by Riley Scott In Riley Scott’s newest, closeted Amelia Brandt’s best friend and sometimes lover is murdered in their small Texas town, and Amelia’s world is sent spinning. When LGBTQ activist Dominique Velez arrives in town to help with the healing process, Amelia is drawn to Dominique’s passion and charm. Will this stranger help Amelia finally come out and embrace herself? Illegal Contact by Becky Harmon When security agent Jamison Krews is asked by a longtime friend to protect her little sister and Tallahassee Tigers star player, Shea Carter, Jamison can’t say no. Can Jamison earn the quarterback’s trust (and maybe more) while protecting her from people who don’t want Shea or the Tigers to succeed? Chain Letter by Claire McNab The ninth book in the Carol Ashton series is back by popular demand. In this novel, Detective Carol Ashton is investigating the murder of a fellow officer, and finds a link to other unsolved homicides: a threatening chain letter. A Fugitive’s Kiss by Jaime Clevenger When Aysha’s discovers a mysterious fugitive named Darin taking cover in her barn, the women’s first meeting is less than ideal. However, when Aysha is also threatened by the people after Darin, they must flee and learn to work together to defeat their pursuers. October 2017 Turbulence by E.J. Noyes Stockbroker Isabelle Rhodes is trying to get over a broken heart, and has her first ever one-night stand. The night was amazing, but the last thing she expected the morning after was for the woman to be the new company pilot, Audrey Graham. Isabelle is determined to keep it professional, but with someone as fun and alluring as Audrey, it won’t be easy. Vagabond Heart by Ann Roberts Contractor Quinn O’Sullivan doesn’t stay in one place too long, so when a request arrives from her recently deceased travel writer aunt, she hits Route 66 to carry out her wishes. When an injury threatens to derail the adventure, emergency room doctor Suda Singh offers to accompany Quinn on the road. A mystery woman, a couple of cats, and falling in love just might be on the map. Bait and Switch by Blythe H. Warren When marine biologist Liv Cucinelli comes face to face with the homophobic woman who ruined her college career, she’s less than thrilled to spend an evening with her. Mira Butler has no clue of the havoc she wreaked on on Liv’s life, so when she see has a chance meeting with her, she won’t let Liv walk away. The two women will uncover their shared past, and with some forgiveness and understanding, perhaps they can find a way to be friends…or maybe even more. Past Due and Set Up by Claire McNab Follow the investigations and adventures of Detective Carol Ashton in the newly reissued books ten and eleven of the beloved mystery series. The murder of a reproductive specialist and the hunt for a hired killer take center stage in these novels. November 2017 The Secret Pond by Gerri Hill In this new novel by bestselling author Gerri Hill, two grieving widows find a connection with each other. After losing her family, Lindsey McDermott moves to her grandparents’ home in small town Texas to deal with her survivor’s guilt. After Hannah Larson’s husband dies, she too moves to the same Texas town. Her son Jack bonds with Lindsey, and even after he returns to school in the fall, Lindsey continues to come by and their friendship grows deeper than either of them expected. My Forever Hero by Karen Legasy Debut author Karen Legasy transports readers to Australia with Canadian police officer Marlee Nevin. After a surfing accident nearly takes her life, Marlee is rescued by the captivating Abigail Taylor. Soon after, Abigail is framed with tampering with research at her biosystems firm, and asks Marlee to help her. Can Marlee return the favor and save Abigail this time, even as their attraction smolders beneath the surface? The Schuyler House by Cade Haddock Strong Another Bella debut! Mattie Pearson has a big secret that she’s kept from everyone. That includes Alex Holland, a friend who Mattie longs for something more with. As Mattie’s past deeds eat away at her, she struggles with the decision to tell Alex the truth. Will her honesty cause her to lose the woman she’s falling in love with? Under Suspicion, Death Club, and Accidental Murder by Claire McNab Here are three more Carol Ashton re-releases by Claire McNab. We are rereleasing the entire Carol Ashton series in eBook format, and you can read books 1-14 now. December 2017 Dreams Unspoken by RJ Layer Cowgirl, take me away! Horse trainer Jo Marchal has returned to her Ohio hometown to try and reconnect with her family, and do a little healing herself. While there, she meets Maria West, a woman who dreams of love and family. Could these two women find what’s been missing in their lives, in each other? Heartsick by Tracey Richardson In Richardson’s new medical drama, paramedic Angie Cullen and ER doctor Victoria Turner find out that their respective partners have been cheating…with each other. Brokenhearted at the betrayal, Angie and Victoria become unlikely allies and lean on each other. Can these women learn to trust each other enough to fall? Lethal Care by Claire McNab with Katherine V. Forrest The long awaited conclusion of the Carol Ashton series is finally here. Detective Inspector Carol Ashton has been promoted to Chief Inspector, and finds herself in charge of two massive cases. The death of wealthy philanthropist Greta Denby and investigating officer Inspector Ian Rooke seem to be connected, and it’s up to Carol Ashton to find the links. If anyone can do it, she can. All of these books and more are available on bellabooks.com. http://dlvr.it/Q8Dd7q

#Ann Roberts #Becky Harmon #Bette Hawkins

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sundrenched-smilez · 7 years

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odd numbers for the lesbian asks! (if it's too many just do every 4th one maybe?)

1. Femme or butch?

for type, im vry easily wooed by butches tbh

as for myself, im genderfluid + heavily lean towards butch-ish for one gender + have been gettin more comf w that term for myself. the 3 genders i switch between, ive described as sharp, dainty and tired, for reason of not really being comf w gender labels aside from nonbinary. sharp/tired r kinda butchish, moreso sharp. like leather jackets, ripped jeans, dress pants/shirts, defs flannels (which r a given for any mood im in tbh) while tired is like mb softer, more focused on flannels + loose tank tops/shirts, shorts + certain skirts, comfy clothes, and the like

ive found that i’m leaning more towards butch lately too, like i’ve been a lot more comfortable with pants and a nice top than i have w dresses or most skirts + im wondering if i was just hanging on to femininity for sake of society, so those r things 2 think abt. i still feel comf in them sometimes, but it’s getting much less often. gender’s weird, i still cant cling to one bc of how pressuring that is so genderfluidity is still smth for me + it shifting to different percentages is okay (im thinking out loud @ this point, but its helping so i hope its interesting to read)

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

both, but primarily flannels/plaid buttion-ups

5. Describe your aesthetic

aaahh theres a lot of diff aesthetics i could go into, but i have a tag if ur interested in a visual representation? basically, cosy homes, forests, wooden steps and bridges, cats, girls/nbs, water, plants, and old video game stuff, and clouds/skies. i’m sure there’s more in there, but for a good rule of thumb !! as for like dressing aesthetic, i like to look rly gay + attractive and a lil showy? like my shorts r Short and i love crop tops + a lot of my shirts show my bra thru them, + i like showing it when i can, like sports bra + a tank top is a fav look of mine bc i can make it look like my bra is a trim on the shirt + it’s cute. i’ve been wearing dresses less often, but occasionally, i like to rock one. id love a pair of combat boots but i have like size 11/12 feet + most stores dont carry that size + im hesitant to buy some online.

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

its rly hard to find any, i have like walmart converse knockoffs atm + theyre a beige/grey color im not that huge on, it kinda reminds me of sandalwood but depressed

9. Any haircut goals for the future?

there was the undercut!! and i have that down now c: next step is to dye it blue and mb some purple. i wanna bleach it if i’m gonna dye it, but im hesitant to do that bc of how damaging it is, but since my hair’s been cut a cpl time almost all the color is out now, so i think itll b ok if i take good care of it.

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

i went to a cafe w someone (i think they were nb but i cant remember, it was like 2 yrs ago about ) and they were impossible to talk to bc they just kept saying “im awkward sorry” @ everything and like any conversations i tried to maintain were all one-shot responses, and like that was a lil frustrating. like i dont hold it against them or anything, more in a sense of i was rly tryin 2 carry it and just couldnt

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

whooh i wish i was taken, i need affection + to b cute w someone

15. Describe your dream wedding

hmmmm i havent thought much about it !! i know when i was younger i wanted to wear a black wedding dress but now im thinkin mb a suit that switches to dress @ the bottom?? that could b cool. I’d be happy w anything tbh, if im getting married, i’d just b happy to be w my wife/spouse. mb somewhere in a forest or on a boat would b cool, defs lots of good food and colorful flowers. I’d like a lot of color, most weddings ive been to are just b/w and bland for my taste (they’ve also all been straight tho so theres that.) it’s kind of wild to think that i might b married someday, but it’d b rly nice. i just haven’t thought much abt the planning of one. it’d b rly gay tho, probs give out tiny gay flags at each seat, and the cake could b lesbian flag colors. im rly drawing a blank on this, but i know id want all my friends around the country + world to be there.

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

i definitely want to live in a port town at some point !! idk where i’d like to settle down, ideally somewhere that doesnt get much hotter than 90 degrees + has lots of parks + is big enough for some events, like pride stuff, little festivals, a farmer’s market, and places to do things, such as a movie theater, bowling alley, mb an aquarium, if not one in a nearby town. hiking trails r also good.

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

on a sunbeam!!! its a huge inspiration for me, and i love it so much. it always puts me in such a good mindset when i read it, and the artist is my age, so it makes me feel like I can also accomplish great things if i rly put my heart into it!! which is such a good feeling, and it has great representation + characters that i love, and its rly gay, and in space and theres ships shaped like fish + its gorgeous : D i could go on for hrs abt it + how important it is to me. theres an nb character too, and like the aspect of found families is one that rly hits home and it helped me get thru a rough time of my life + better accept myself as queer/gay.

21. Favorite lesbian musician?

adult mom (tho i think they’re bi but still gay), or hayley kiyoko

23. Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i think so, but i can’t place when, it’s been a bit.

25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

talking abt being gay w other girls/nbs is lovely and cathartic, i never got to growing up bc i lived in a homophobic town + i was like dealing heavily with internalized homophobia and body/gender dysphoria so i was ace for a bit. talking more abt like sexual attraction + aesthetic attraction is new to me, and that’s been a process to get to, but it’s nice that I can now do so w/o being belittled or barraged by insult. i also just love the thought of being w someone, and daydreaming abt when that happens is really nice. also,, girls + nbs r a blessing and brighten my day and im so glad im attracted 2 them

27. Turn ons?

absolutely communication, that’s a need. i had a bad experience w someone bc she wasn’t communicative at all, and failed to tell me that we weren’t dating despite us going on several dates + kissing??? like i wont go too into it, but hatchi matchi it was a mess. so yeah, communication, affection, and like reassurance that they actually want to be with me, and that my presence is wanted and enjoyed. I got a lot of “i dont care”s for answers last sort-of relationship, and that was rly discouraging. another turn on is for them to initiate talking and things, like holding hands or planning to hang out + such. consent is another big one.

29. Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually tend to ask them out, but im still dealing w internalized junk, so its difficult. i also havent any situations in which they liked me back, which is frustrating. like i got lead on earlier summer for abt a month until i asked what we were doing + didnt rly get an answer, and it was this whole mess. i generally try to make the first move tho, bc i know firsthand how difficult it is, but that being said, it’s still hard for me to know for sure if theyre interested + i dont wanna make things uncomf w them, so i’ll wait until i think there might b attraction. that being said, once that’s all out of the way, i like to consider myself a good flirt when im trying.

31. Talk about your interests or hobbies!

i have lots of interests!! im obsessed w steven universe, its my fav show (and if u ever have time, we should totally watch it together sometime, i rly think you’d love it, it’s super gay + heartwarming.) i really love playing music and learning new songs, which im rly great at memorizing. talking to friends + gettin 2 know them better is always nice and fun. i like to draw new things + see the different ways ppl draw, so seeing art on here is always fun for me. i’m also rly into polygon videos (it’s a youtube channel, not like videos abt polygon haha) and this podcast called the adventure zone. season one just ended, so i might start listening to another one called friends at the table. i rly wanna start a podcast w someone, but can never find anyone to start it with. idk what I’d talk abt but if i could find a partner for it, i think it’d be a lot of fun. mb smth abt games or books/queer representation in media. doing a dnd podcast would also b rly fun, but a lot of work + editing so mb later down the road !! im blanking on other interests atm, but animations and cartoons r lovely and i aim to make something in that field one day, if not just a comic.

my hobbies r mostlyyyy drawing, dnd things now every thursday, hanging w my friends, playing video games, sometimes writing (i rly wanna start a comic, and im tryin to get my butt into gear on it), goin to parks, listening to music, and goin 2 events w roe + cesar, two of my friends. sometimes ill play music!! i need to get more than the keyboard i’m lending, but i love performing. ill also watch leg birds on youtube, theyre a lesbian couple that plays gams + theyre rly sweet.

33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

its easy for me to love friends, doesnt usu take me more than a few months of knowing them if were talking a lot. as for falling in love, that takes me a lot longer. ive never rly been in love w someone. i thought i was once, but rly it was just my first gay experience w someone and i wanted it to be perfect so i projected a lot of things + made it better than it seemed to myself for the duration of it, which wasn’t healthy, so i wanna avoid doing that again, + take things slower next time. or at least for what they are.

35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?

a few times, they were just crushes tho, so it wasnt too too bad

37. Favorite comfort food?

hot cocoa or tea. as for food food, i dont think i have one. mb french toast or cinnamon rolls.

39. Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

i used to be a vegetarian!! for like a yr, but it was difficult for me to eat and feel full, and i was pretty underweight, so i stopped.

41. Early-riser or night-owl?

both, i tend to stay up, but getting up early can be nice if i dont have to do anything. like just gently waking + making some tea and a nice breakfast + sittin around for a bit.

43. What is your Myers-Briggs type?

enfp-a

45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

i think like 16-17? it took me a bit to get words for identity, like lesbian/nonbinary and the like, but i always knew, like id call myself an individual as opposed to gendered terms that i was referred to, and always felt rly yucky w deadname + the wrong pronouns

47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

ive got one crush atm !! and another person who seems nice, but i wanna hang out w before like thinking abt a crush (im poly, which perhaps goes w/o saying, but i always like to state it when talking abt these things, jic )

49. Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

i’d like a partner or two, to get some bongos- i got to play some a couple weeks ago, and it was the most fun i’ve had playing anything!! having smth with an instant response that i could make up rhythms with was really rewarding and so much fun. i know i want a cat at some point, to go on cute dates + cuddle and kiss a lot w someone, to visit my friends in other places, dye my hair, get a better job, to travel a bit, make a comic, go to college for animation and storyboarding, mb go to camp at some point, and I’d like to make some more friends here, i’m already making some, which i’m super happy about, but it’s always nice meeting new ppl

thank u for asking!! this was relaxing + fun, and a lot of the topics were cathartic to talk about, and i needed it. so thanks for listening too kinda

also im queen of commas, i’ve discovered while typing this

#msg in a bottle #cass charts #idk what i want my ask tag to be

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