#all harping on this guy pushing 50

[dudeshusband]

a decent chunk of women who matt sleeps with has heard of him before (and not for his photography). do women just go around telling their friends things like "so i went by matt helm's place the other day and you would not believe what a good [redacted] he is!" and it gets passed along like some sexy game of telephone?

[lordnot]

I know I keep harping on this, but I still cannot believe that we're being subjected to this "You better turn out in 2024 because The Fascists definitely will!!" nonsense as though the last seven years never happened.

'The Fascists'? You mean the guys who were given carte blanche to enter The Capitol by the police, were given hours before The National Guard bothered to show up, and all they managed is some selfies in Nancy Pelosi's office, some random property destruction, and a few trampled cops? These are the people we're supposed to be so afraid of getting into power that we vote against our class interests?

Or are we supposed to be afraid of Donald Trump himself? The guy whose plan to change the result of the election was so half-baked, so incompetently executed, that even Mike Pence wouldn't go along with it? Pence, a white supremacist sycophant from X-Men comics made flesh. If he thought there was even a 50/50 chance that he wouldn't see the inside of a jail cell, he would absolutely have been on board. But the reality is that when it comes to changing the results of a state in order to steal the election for your side, the meme is the reality: JEB!: 1 Trump: 0

And that's not even getting into how the fearmongering of 2016 was about Trump pushing us to the brink of World War 3 while skirting every international law and standard of decency. And we instead saw him impeached for withholding weapons from Ukraine in exchange for political favors, while Biden sends them cluster bombs and saber rattles.

I honestly kind of wish Biden would throw them another symbolic bone between now and the election, like his student loans forgiveness sandcastle. Just so they'd have something new to say.

[the-firebird69]

This is what Tommy F is doing he's sitting there above the Earth steaming taking oxygen screwing around with people and he's causing civil wars and a little bit of chaos and he's ruining businesses and we need him out of here

thusfar Around Earth he had about ;

=120 ships last year

= At this time 220 ships have left the Earth's orbit out of 500 those ships range from 20 miles to 100 miles really there were only ten 100 mile ships in about four 100 twenty mile ships and the rest were 50 mile 40 mile and 30 mile ships a half of them have left within the past two days. We're not exactly sure why no we know why they are saying they're getting out of the way but they're forced out of the way by ships that are trying to get to Earth. And they're being fired on to force them to move and part of it is the pseudo empire and people have a problem with them too they're daft.

= 85 ships remain in position over cities in them leaving slowed. But the ones that were in high Earth orbit started to leave faster it's kind of a weird phenomena he's trying to hold on to it and he can't hold on to the ones outside. Once those are gone the others will start leaving again or something might happen on the surface like harp and other things that don't do happen in some areas las Vegas for instance is threatening the **** out of them and they move them off occasionally and people want to check out how they're doing that.

= There's other things happening and they are pretty intense with Tommy F and the ships they're trying to move them off every day all over the place and they're trying to push them pretty good and the clones are responding and creating a hailstorm of idiot comments and pushy stuff and old history and infighting. Here in Shaw County they have a plan in Charlotte County to remove the ship and it has stalled out completely.

These things are positive though the numbers of ships are leaving in high Earth orbit are going to increase they don't have anything in Neo or Leo and those ones are gone the others are exposed the fleets are going to try and get here into more intensified fashion and constant and consistent because of the fight in the rains and similar fights in areas like this. They're also coming in because of BJA and his aggression on the bunkers and caches and stashes and the attacks on pseudo empire tonight they're going to try again we feel that the other half might leave or a good chunk of it.

---as a segway Her son is has come up with an idea. He wants people to try and make his melted boat out of metal and also his fiberglass idea and other things like that and car kits that you could practically make yourself and it's true and those are kind of tough. Some people can make a rough one and it would turn into a Bradley GT type concept where you refine it and people will love it. However he says when you start like Brad and I don't think he's doing anything but he has a car and he does build some you build some for your own people and someone pokes in and you say look I can give you a few just keep it under your hat and you keep it in the city and you're in an area and they're next door and then it spreads then they start ordering more and you and your buddies start to have a better time. With this method and it works with you guys and he wants you to stop bothering him he doesn't know what to do he doesn't have any money he doesn't have any friends except for Ken and he's in there under massive duress. It just keeps getting worse

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues

hahah good thing i stayed in character after tommy f leaves he will say lol i say it liek him hahah

and yes we get kit cars going. tons will help seeit there and out it will come and tommy f idea i s bleeding out now. good

Hera

we have a bunch in cali and make more order more cool idea and yeh we have a name. it is not phantasm lol. they call them Kyloren and it is the name we shall name it good a kit then mb

jason

we do that and we see it. smaller fast though yet very cool. need it now. and by us again. lol i can do it really i did most of it but heck vaydor the template and hahaha change the spelling lol

bg

hahaha a llot n o no we need to understand it a bit

bja

ahahahah

minion

Olympus

[sethjarvy]

wake up babe new incredibly heart warming article about antti raanta droppped

article under the cut :)

NEW YORK — All around Antti Raanta was chaos and pressure and tension and screaming fans and thunderous music and flashing lights.

There was 3:44 left in the third period of a playoff game at Madison Square Garden, with his Carolina Hurricanes down a goal and on the verge of dropping to 0-4 on the road in this postseason. Raanta had just swallowed up an Artemi Panarin wrist shot to keep his guys within striking distance, and the last television timeout of the game allowed him a brief respite — a chance to take a breath, to push out the noise, to center himself, to brace himself.

Instead, Raanta looked up at the scoreboard, and the most peculiar thought hit him.

Hey! It’s Dancin’ Larry!

“You just get a little smile on your face,” Raanta said. “It was my first time playing against the Rangers in this building. So it was kind of funny, remembering all those TV timeout things. You just look around and you’re kind of like, ‘Hey, this is awesome.’”

Raanta was smiling as he said that, of course. Seems like he’s always smiling. That’s who Raanta is — the happy wanderer, the joyful journeyman. He’s the guy who spent his rookie season cracking up his teammates in Chicago with tales of his misadventures in the Finnish army, sending Patrick Sharp into hysterics as he described the time he got his entire squadron “killed” when he got lost on a training mission with a very real rocket-launcher strapped to his back. He’s the guy who had the Coyotes howling as he harped on the scorpion infestation that eventually drove him and his wife from his first home in Arizona. A big, boisterous personality with a big, boisterous voice, Raanta’s always been everyone’s favorite teammate.

But now, at 33 years old, he’s finally becoming something more.

Leaning against a wall outside the visitor’s dressing room at the Garden on Monday afternoon, Raanta was trying to put it all in perspective — the early brilliance and ugly breakup in Chicago, the fun but ultimately unfulfilling years as Henrik Lundqvist’s backup in New York, the endless string of injuries in Arizona, the flirtation with retirement last spring, and now his unlikely ascendance to Conn Smythe candidate in the wake of Frederik Andersen’s lower-body injury suffered a month ago.

After all this time, after all these teams, after all those rehabs, after all the games he watched from the back of the bench or on a stool by the Zamboni entrance as a permanent backup, Raanta finally is having his moment. Through nine playoff games, he has posted a .939 save percentage, trailing only Dallas’ Jake Oettinger and St. Louis’ Jordan Binnington. He has saved 8.91 goals above expected, trailing only Oettinger, Edmonton’s Mike Smith and the Rangers’ Igor Shesterkin. He’s playing like he always knew he could, but never thought he’d get the chance.

In true Raanta fashion, he’s savoring every minute of it. And yes, that includes checking which celebrities are sitting rinkside at the Garden.

Hey, it’s David Harbour!

“You just have to enjoy it,” Raanta said. “This is what you dream of. You want to play these games and you kind of want to see that you can do the job.”

Raanta turned 33 two weeks ago. This birthday was a bit more festive than the last.

A year ago, hard as it is to envision, Raanta had lost his smile, and was losing his will to keep battling through the injuries that had derailed his career. He chuckles a bit now as he lists the various ailments that plagued his four seasons in Arizona, almost amused by how unlucky he was. But there was nothing funny about it at the time. He got rear-ended on the highway by an SUV going 40 or 50 mph and suffered whiplash. He had groin issues. Hip problems. Blew out his knee. He played just 12 games in 2018-19 in the first year of the biggest contract of his career. He played just 12 games again last season, the final year of that deal.

The last straw last season was a seemingly innocuous groin tweak that he thought was nothing. He went for an MRI and he was told he’d miss at least three weeks. “You’ll miss at least three weeks” had been the story of Raanta’s career, and he was just ready to be done with it all.

Hockey is fun. Perpetual rehab is not.

“I’m like, ‘This is not happening,’” he said. “That’s when I almost lost the passion for the hockey. When the season was over, I was like, ‘I don’t know if I want to do it anymore.’”

But it gnawed at Raanta that he knew he could do the job, if his body would allow, if his coaches would allow. He was brilliant as Corey Crawford’s backup in Chicago, but Blackhawks coach Joel Quenneville fell in love with Scott Darling’s size and Raanta had to watch as a frustrated Black Ace as Darling, not Raanta, came to the rescue in the first round of the 2015 playoffs against Nashville. He knew he’d never supplant Lundqvist in New York, but he soaked up all he could from one of the best goalies of all time and made the most of his limited playing time. Arizona was his chance to be a No. 1, but the injuries got in the way and he lost the job to Darcy Kuemper.

Yet every time Raanta got a chance, he ran with it. Since his rookie season of 2013-14, among goalies with at least 100 starts, only Ben Bishop (.921) and Juuse Saros (.920) have a higher save percentage than Raanta’s .919. Raanta is tied with Crawford, Andrei Vasilevskiy and Tuukka Rask, and just ahead of Carey Price, Roberto Luongo and Kuemper.

That’s lofty company. And that just bothered him all the more when he considered the incomplete nature of his career.

“I think that’s the worst part,” he said. “Obviously, when you get hurt, it’s always tough, and it doesn’t matter if your numbers are good or bad. But I think it’s a little bit more frustrating when you know that you can play at a high level.”

So when Raanta’s agent, Kevin Epp, called him up in mid-June and said there was interest, the goalie perked up a bit. When Epp told him Carolina was one of those teams, suddenly he was smiling again.

“That’s a really good team, and they’ve been in the playoffs and they’re so close to getting to the end,” Raanta said. “I was thinking, ‘man, if they really want me, that’s something I really want to do.’ After that, the switch just turns in your head and now I’m going to do whatever I can to get there and do my best.”

But once again, Raanta found himself as the backup, playing just 28 games to Andersen’s 52. This time, however, it was the other guy who got injured, as Andersen suffered a lower-body injury making a save against Colorado on April 16. Suddenly, Carolina’s Stanley Cup hopes rested on Raanta’s shoulders.

Eight days later, Raanta hurt himself again, leaving early in a 5-2 win against the Islanders. For once, though, the hockey gods were with him. It turned out to be nothing major. And he hasn’t relinquished the net since.

“He’s been great all year, actually,” Sebastian Aho said. “Freddie played a little bit more than him in the regular season, and maybe Freddie got more attention. But every time (Raanta) was in, he was great for us. We’ve been very fortunate to have very good goalies all year, and I’m not surprised the level he’s playing now. The team has a lot of confidence in him.”

The old saying is that goalies need to have a short-term memory. That’s not entirely accurate. They don’t need to forget goals, they need to withstand them, to survive them, to bounce back from them. That’s where Raanta’s relentlessly upbeat attitude comes into play. In Game 3, former teammate Chris Kreider beat Raanta from a sharp angle, top-shelf on the far side. It was an absolutely sick shot, perfectly placed and nearly impossible to expect. But Raanta was mad at himself, all the same. For about four seconds.

He got over it — hey, giving up a goal is nothing compared with losing your job, or blowing out your knee, or getting rear-ended on the highway — and stopped the last 15 shots he faced, keeping Carolina in it and only getting beaten because Shesterkin was a little bit better on this day.

“You would never know he’s in his first playoffs,” said teammate Seth Jarvis, who is in his own first playoffs. “He’s just super relaxed and calm and collected.”

Raanta has won the Stanley Cup before. We should probably point that out.

But he hasn’t won the Stanley Cup. Raanta was the primary regular-season backup goaltender for the eventual 2015 Stanley Cup champion Blackhawks. He had been relegated to third-string with Darling’s ascendance by the end of the season, and didn’t dress in the playoffs. It ended badly, with Raanta telling a Finnish newspaper that he was so bitter about his situation that he was openly rooting for the Blackhawks to get swept in the first round by Nashville so he could just go home. Raanta later said his words were misconstrued, and that he was just trying to be emotionally honest about how difficult it was to watch his team play without him, and that his frustrations lasted for maybe a day, and that he thoroughly enjoyed the whole postseason ride with his teammates, even as a Black Ace.

But the damage was done. The Blackhawks ended up leaving Raanta’s name off the Stanley Cup — unusual given he was the backup for most of the regular season — and petitioning instead to have Daniel Carcillo (who didn’t play in the playoffs) and Joakim Nordstrom (who got in just three games). The team said Raanta’s comments had nothing to do with it, but regardless, there were some hard feelings on both sides. Raanta was traded to the Rangers 12 days after the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup.

Still, Raanta looks back at his time in Chicago with fondness, and with gratitude. He learned lessons from that team’s three-time champion core that he’s using in Carolina today.

“It was great,” he said. “You were able to see what it takes to get to the finish line, looking at (Jonathan) Toews and (Patrick) Kane and those guys and what it takes. You get to see the confidence in that group. They already had won a couple times. And it was just like, it didn’t matter if we lost a game or whatever happened, it was just, ‘Let’s go to the next one.’ It was awesome to be a part of it. And it gave me a little more hunger, also. Because in your head, you want to win the Stanley Cup when you’re actually playing. That’s the motivation.”

There’s another bit of motivation looming. Andersen participated in Monday’s practice, and is getting closer to returning. Hurricanes coach Rod Brind’Amour won’t give a timetable for Andersen’s return, and won’t say what he’ll do in net once he does return.

But after finally getting to play a month of hockey as an undisputed No. 1 goaltender, is it time for Raanta to start looking over his shoulder again?

Raanta smiled at the question. Of course, he did.

“It’s about staying in the moment and not worrying about what’s happening outside, or even inside, the team,” he said. “You have pretty much one of the top goalies in the league sidelined right now. So you know whenever Freddie is healthy and feels good, you have to do the job and try to keep the net. You never know what happens the next day. So I’m just trying to enjoy the moment.”

And if there’s one thing Raanta’s better at than stopping pucks, it’s enjoying the moment. No matter how harrowing and pressure-packed it is.

“We’re in the playoffs, we’re in the second round, so the stakes are pretty high,” he said. “And before the game, you get little butterflies. If you don’t have that, if you just go out like it’s just one game and you just go play, I feel like you don’t get your best out of it. You have to get that good type of feeling before the game. For me, it’s not nervousness, but just a little goosebumps. You want that. That’s what gets you going. That means you’re enjoying it.

“And I’m enjoying it.”

[a-square-minus-one]

Honey: Chapter 2

Just a series of semi-connected one shots that lead for Garfield and Raven falling in love.

Read Chapter 1 here.

Garfield plays with a chain around his neck, looking out at the twinkling skyline of Jump City. The sun is starting to set, weaving brush strokes of purple and yellow between the tall steel buildings. He starts drumming a beat on his thigh.

“...so tomorrow is the big premiere date,” says the woman sitting across from him. He’s deduced that she’s in her mid-sixties from stories she’s shared with him in previous meetings of her own grown children and grandchildren.

“Yeah,” Garfield mumbles, continuing to look out the window. He had a hard time looking at her face. Her eyes were an impossible shade of blue and very hard to read. During their first session he had joked for thirty minutes straight. She had smiled brightly at each one, teeth perfectly straight and blindingly white. Then she asked “So why do you think you joke so often?” and his rehearsed jokes shriveled up in his mouth. That was a year ago, he’s been coming to her bi-weekly ever since.

When she doesn’t say anything for a few moments, Garfield focuses her attention back on her. She’s looking at his hand that’s fiddling with the chain on his neck. He drops it and shuffles in his seat again.

“It was Elastigirl’s,” he says. Irma nods, shrugging to let him know that he doesn’t have to say anymore.

“Who’s coming to the premiere?” she asks.

“Everyone-” he says, then pauses. “‘Cept for Rae. Didn’t want to dress up.” He chuckles, running a hand through his hair. Irma smirks and nods.

“Terra is going I assume?” Irma asks. Garfield nods.

“Yeah, she’s gonna meet me at the premiere. Titans East gave her the night off. She looked for a dress for months.”

“She’s really proud of you.”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t seem excited.”

“No! I am!” Garfield says, his butt rises out of his seat as he rushes to correct her. He plops back down when he notices Irma’s arched brow. 

“I am,” he says again, this time more softly. “Just a little nervous.” 

Irma nods, silently asking him to continue. Garfield runs a hand through his hair.

“It’s my first drama. Up until now casting directors have only casted me in supporting roles for comedies. Mostly as a favor to Nightwing. Or because-” Garfield chuckles but knows Irma would never let him stop the sentence halfway. She looks at him expectantly. “Or, well, because I’m green and the world knows me.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Everyone knows Changeling,” Garfield shakes his head. “No. They know Beast Boy. So they put me in these movies and it’s almost an afterthought. Like Oh cool! That superhero was in that movie for five minutes. What’s funnier or more random than a green guy. But it’s...forgettable.”

“And you’re hoping that this role will be the one that makes people take you seriously.”

“Yeah! I mean, when I started acting, I know people thought it was a superficial thing. Raven rolled her eyes when I told her about my first role. I don’t think she ever got past how giant my ego got when we went to Tokyo and those girls were my fans. But I was younger than and so thirsty for attention.”

“This role is more than that.”

“Exactly!” Garfield exclaims, his body rising out of his seat. He settles down again. It grows silent for a few seconds. “When I was younger, Elastigirl used to show me all these movies from the 50s. I remember watching Roman Holiday and being completely entranced by how beautiful Audrey Hepburn was-” Garfield pauses, playing with his chain again. “But it’s not just the beauty, it was her air. She was a captivating actress.” Garfield thinks of how Rita looked in her own films and smirks to himself. She was equally as mesmerizing but he wasn’t going to bring that up to Irma.

“Why did you bring up Raven specifically?” Irma cuts through his thoughts.

“Huh?” Garfield asks, confused by the random question. 

“You brought up Raven specifically. When you talked about your first role.”

Garfield nods slowly, trying to jump ahead to what Irma was getting at.

“Why does her opinion matter?”

“Well she’s my friend.” Garfield says immediately. Irma nods.

“But you didn’t bring up Cyborg or Starfire. Why’d you bring up Raven?”

Garfield pauses, running a hand through his hair. It’s silent for a couple of minutes.

“I guess...well….everything Raven does and says has weight to it. She’s never said anything just to fill time or space,” Garfield feels his forehead scrunch up in concentration. Irma waits. “She’s just...different than me. I don’t know why her opinion matters. I just...I know that all the words that come out of her mouth are honest. Her delivery is shit sometimes,” Garfield chuckles. “A lot of people think she’s rude. But she really holds no anger towards anyone. She’s-”

“Impartial?” Irma offers. Garfield waits a minute to digest that word and then nods. 

“It just...always feels like she’s right. She weighs all of her thoughts before she settles on an opinion.”

“No one can be right always.” Irma says. Garfield shrugs. Irma hums. 

“So what color dress did Terra settle on?” Irma asks. Garfield laughs.

“It’s green but a completely different shade of green than my skin. We won’t match,” Garfield places a hand over his chest, feigning tragedy. Irma laughs.

“Pity,” she jokes and the session continues.

….

“How was the workout superstar?” Nightwing asks with a wide smile when Garfield bursts into the common room with a towel around his neck.

“Completely worth all the food I’m gonna eat at the premiere,” Garfield says, laughing as Nightwing’s smile falters immediately. Nightwing always harped on keeping track of your protein intake with the team. And the carbs. And the sugar. Garfield wasn’t sure which he had heard from their leader more, “Titans Go!” or “Food is energy!” Garfield kind of just ate what he wanted. He figured out in his late teens that he could just turn into a different animal that would process and digest the food he ate a little differently. It pissed Nightwing off who would have long talks with him about discipline. Garfield laughed with Irma about it all the time.

Garfield spots Raven with her nose in a book and saunters over with a grin.

“Did you hear that Rae? My premiere is tonight,” Garfield says, stepping just a centimeter into her personal space. Raven snaps her book closed.

“I may have overheard it one of the twenty times you’ve brought it up this past week.”

“Really? Twenty?” Garfield asks, rubbing his chin. “Seems like it should be higher. It’s a pretty big film. Lotta big names.” 

“Mmmm and you,” Raven says, opening her book up again. Garfield chuckles. He takes the book out of Raven’s hands and shuts it, making sure he places a finger in it so he can keep her page. Raven glares at him. Garfield hears Irma’s voice screaming “boundaries” in the back of his head. But he doesn’t think he’s pushed her too far just yet. 

“You know we still have a seat saved for you.” Garfield says. Starfire bursts from the kitchen.

“Oh yes friend it would be glorious. I know we could find you a dress if we left right this instant,” Kori says, hands clasped tightly together in front of her. Garfield cringes internally knowing that dress shopping really wouldn’t be the way to convince Raven. 

“You can wear whatever you like,” he amends, feeling as the finger that was holding her book open twitched nervously. Raven makes direct eye contact with Garfield and he feels himself still completely. 

“You know I would have liked to Garfield but I can’t,” Raven says. Garfield feels his body sink a little.

“I get it Rae,” he says, handing her back her book. And he does. Large crowds were still hard for her. Shouting fans, even worse. “But I’m sorry you’ll miss my academy award winning performance,” he jokes. Raven looks at him seriously for a moment, just long enough for Garfield to question whether she thought he was letting the fame go to his head. Then she smirks impishly, reverting her eyes to the text he placed back in her hands.

“You’re a regular Tom Hanks.” Garfield laughs, almost not recognizing the arm that loops around his. 

“My man is better than Tom Hanks. Ooh sweaty,” Terra says, running her hand down Garfield’s arm. He laughs.

“Don’t tell the pap, the gossip magazines would find a way to eat me for it,” Garfield jokes, looking down at his girlfriend. She raises her eyebrow naughtily. Garfield feels his face heat up and looks around at his friends but they’re all too preoccupied to notice Terra’s blatant suggestiveness. 

“I thought you were getting ready at home and then meeting me at the premiere,” Garfield says.

“I decided I’d stop by early. Maybe get ready with Star?” Terra asks loudly enough for Starfire to hear. Kori nearly drops the bowl she was eating out of. She puts it on the table and squeals. Garfield smiles warmly at Terra. It was moments like this that he remembered why they’ve lasted so long. Getting ready with Starfire was an Olympic sport for anyone. The only people who chose to get ready with Starfire were the people who loved her and wanted to see her happy.

“Oh friend! That would be the most delightful!” Then Starfire pauses.

“What’s wrong Star?” Nightwing says, grabbing her hand.

“Well I had scheduled an appointment with my makeup artist and hair stylist for you and I,” Starfire says. Nightwing’s eyes widen so much behind his mask that Garfield has to put his hand over his mouth to cover his smile. He looks at Raven quickly and realizes that she too is on the verge of laughter behind her book. They make eye contact. Garfield’s laugh has quieted down into a soft smile. Raven lowers her book and smirks back. 

“That won’t be necessary Star!” Nightwing says in one breath. Starfire’s face falls a little. Terra chuckles.

“Star I’d love to join you!” Terra says enthusiastically. Garfield sends a big smile Starfire’s way.

“I know you ladies are going to look spectacular,” he says. “I should go grab my suit though,” he finishes, looking at his watch. He plants a hasty kiss on Terra’s cheek and jogs out the common room. 

….

And they did look amazing. Starfire had gone for a shimmering golden dress, her hair falling down her back in loose waves. Cyborg joked that Nightwing had almost choked on his spit when he saw her. Garfield had helped Terra pick out her silk emerald dress so he was less starstruck when he saw her but she looked extra pretty with her hair curled up in a fancy little updo. 

“I have like three hundred pins in my hair,” she had said to him when he helped her out of the limo. He laughed. “Looks nice,” he had said.

They are currently on the red carpet and Garfield’s nerves are shot. He always felt trapped at these things. It’s not that he didn’t love his fans but all at once, it was a little much to handle. He didn’t have it as bad as Raven but he did have millions of potential animals living inside him. All the flashing lights gave him a headache. Everyone spoke so loud too, he had to resist the urge to put his hands over his sensitive ears.  

“Changeling himself!” shouts an interviewer into her microphone. Her skin is almost the same shade of orange as Kori’s. Garfield smiles at her but has to grind his teeth together as his ears ring. He tightens his grip on Terra’s hand. She squeezes back.

“And the beautiful Terra,” the interviewer says, directing her attention to Terra. “You guys are quite the power couple. Are you excited to see the movie?” 

Terra has to move her head back an inch as the microphone is shoved into her personal space. The interviewer is way too energetic. Garfield knew way too much about the business to know that this interviewer wasn’t completely sober right now. This kind of energy was not normal around all these people. Even Starfire got tired at these events.

“Of course I am. I know he’s gonna kill it. Like everything else he does in his life,” Terra says, her excitement much more muted that the woman in front of them. Garfield tries to block out the sensory overload so he can fully experience his gratitude at Terra’s honest words but it’s hard.

“Aww! So sweet!” their interviewer squeals and looks at the cameras with comically wide eyes.

“Changeling! This is your first drama. I’m told the plot doesn’t mention the green skin at all,” the interviewer asks. Garfield nods, immediately feeling like there was a heavy ball rolling around in his head, smacking at the walls of his skull. He pushes himself to answer the question though, feeling its importance even through the pain. 

“Michael was interested in me for this role when he wrote it but he couldn’t get past the green skin at first. I loved the character so much that I was even considering doing CGI to make me look different. But that...wouldn’t be honest. I am...a green man. And anyways all movies involve some suspension of disbelief. So if we can believe that Sandy Bullock is an astronaut then we can believe that I am a regular man...with regular motivations,” Garfield pauses when he says regular man. He always felt like a regular man so telling people to pretend he was a regular man felt cheap. The interviewer nods and if the blank look in her eyes was any indication, Garfield is certain she didn’t register a word he said. He keeps his smile up despite the fiery ball that grows in the pit of his stomach.

“So, do you guys think kids will be in your future?” the interviewer asks. Garfield feels himself take a step back at the blunt question. He shakes his head. She wasn’t even going to pretend to listen to anything he was saying.

“Uh-” he began shaking his head, trying to erase the disbelief off his face.

“Well I certainly want one or two,” Terra says with a chuckle. Garfield looks towards Terra. A flash goes off to the right of them and it makes the jewels in Terra’s hair shine right into his eyes. He closes his eyes.

“Wha-” he starts and Terra turns to him with an eyebrow quirked.

“What?” she asks. In his peripheral as the interviewer moves the microphone closer to the couple and Garfield feels the heat flow from his core into his limbs. He puts one of his hands in his pockets and clenches it. He smiles at the interviewer.

“Well we should be heading in,” he says politely, his smile tight and uncomfortable. “Thank you for your questions.”

Garfield doesn’t listen to the interviewer’s response as he walks hastily into where the movie will be played, dragging Terra along behind him. When they are far enough from inquiring ears Terra rips her hand out of his.

“What was that?” she asks, arms crossed. Garfield blinks a couple times and shakes his head. He senses that Terra’s anger was directed towards him but that couldn’t be right. 

“She asked you if you wanted to have kids with me and you said ‘uh-’,” Terra says, making a dumb face to mimic how he looked when he answered the question. It plucked at Garfield’s nerves like a guitar string.

“Of course I said ‘uh.’ It’s none of her business,” Garfield says, palms lifted to the air as if this was the most obvious thing ever.

“Do you not want to have kids with me?” Terra asks.

“What? Um-” Garfield shakes his head. He still hasn’t been able to quiet his anxiety from being out there with all those flashes of light. 

“Gar why are you hesitating?” Terra asks.

“Terra, I can barely concentrate on my own thoughts. You know how these things are for me,” he says carefully, placing three fingers on his forehead.

“I just feel like that’s something that should come automatically to you. I know I want to have kids with you,” Terra says.

“We haven’t even discussed having kids ourselves, why would I tell a random reporter about something I should be discussing with you.”

“Because you’re excited about our future. Because you want to tell the world,” Terra says, lips twitching in a way that makes the fireball in his stomach explode.

“Terra we don’t even know if I can have kids,” he wants to shout but he doesn’t trust that no one is around. The restraint it takes makes the veins pop out in his neck. Terra takes a step back and looks him up and down.

“I’ll meet you inside,” she says slowly and turns away from him. He sucks his teeth.

“Wait. Terra,” he says, grabbing her hand to stop her but she snatches it away. He groans.

…. 

Garfield settles down in his seat next to Terra fives minutes later. Nightwing, Cyborg and Starfire give him enthusiastic thumbs ups as he walks past them. Terra doesn’t look at him, her shoulders tense. The theater is much quieter than outside of course and Garfield is able to get his bearings. He practices the mindfulness skills that Irma taught him. Closing his eyes, he mentally catalogues what he feels, tastes, smells, and hears. He opens his eyes when he feels a small hand move over his.

“Are you okay?” Terra asks. Her lips are still in a thin line so he knows she’s still angry but she does look genuinely concerned. He nods and puts a hand over her hand. She nods back, takes her hand back and settles into her seat. 

Garfield looks at the empty seat to the right of him that was saved for Raven and feels a confusing tug in his stomach. He doesn’t have time to interpret it though as he hears the announcement for the start of the movie. He feels a heavy weight in his stomach that leaves him digging himself deep into his chair.

…

When the lights slowly start coming back on, Garfield has not felt the weight ease off of him. He took mental notes of the things he could change in his acting as he was watching. The role came out slightly different than he had intended. He’s looking down at his lap and everything is silent, making the weight in his stomach grow so heavy that he is sure he’ll be pulled through the ground at any moment. 

And then he hears something small. Like a phone falling on the floor. And he hears it again. And again. A rhythm. They’re clapping. He looks up at Terra next to him. Her face makeup is smudged and there are tear tracks on her cheeks but she’s looking at him with the most loving smile. He stands up. She puts both her hands on his face.

“Beast Bo-Changeling, that was amazing,” she says, completely in awe. A few late tears slip from her lids. He looks around at the audience who are all looking at him. Cyborg comes behind him and slaps him on the back aggressively.

“I didn’t know you had it in you grass stain!” he booms. Garfield feels himself chuckle but his being feels a little disconnected from his body. He peaks over Terra’s shoulder and Starfire looks about ready to explode. She is practically vibrating. Garfield is sure she’d burst through the ceiling if Nightwing wasn’t holding onto her hand so tightly. Nightwing looks...proud. Something about that makes Garfield’s eyes sting. He knows Nightwing loves him but between the stink ball and the corny jokes, it wasn’t always that Nightwing admired Garfield.

He receives compliments like this from his costars and the Titans as they all begin to trickle out of the theatre to the after party. He has never felt bigger or more humbly blessed in his life. He and Terra are the last people in the theatre. 

“Listen,” she says when Starfire and Nightwing leave. “I’m sorry about what I said before.”

“I know. I am too,” he says, settling back down into his seat. She squeezes his hand.

“I am so beyond proud of you,” she says, and her eyes become glossy with tears. He gives her a closed lip smile and squeezes her hand again. She stands up and shoots him a questioning look when he doesn’t stand up with her. He puts a hand over hers to quiet her worries.

“I just...need to sit here a while. Kinda doesn’t feel real.” Garfield says in a very small voice. Terra smiles, the jewels in her hair twinkling in the low lighting. 

“I get it,” she says, placing a simple kiss on his cheek. “I’ll catch up with Nightwing and Starfire and meet you there, okay?” 

He nods. 

When she leaves the room Garfield feels himself collapse into his chair. He can’t believe he did it. All those long nights. Going to sets at 5 am with injuries from battles with Plasmus. He feels his throat tighten as he plays with his chain.

“She would have been proud of you.”

His head snaps up. Raven is walking towards him in a giant Hanes sweater, rolled up jeans and white sneakers. He stands up quickly.

“How-” he clears his throat. “How long have you been here?”

“Whole movie.”

Garfield gapes at her.

“I phased into the room where the man handles the film and projector. It was quieter there. Didn’t have to worry about the crowd.”

Garfield nods dazedly and sits back down. Raven walks up and gestures to the seat next to him.

“Can I sit?” she asks, pulling a strand of hair behind her ear.

“It was your seat.”

“Right,” Raven mumbles and sits in her chair. She draws her knees to her chest. Garfield feels a tightening in his chest about how small and adorable she looks. She could stop the world and yet she could fit her whole body in these tiny chairs.

“You look comfy,” he says, feeling an easy smile slip on his face.

“Well I certainly wasn’t going to wear a dress,” she says. The laughter escapes his lips like bubbles. They sit for a few moments in a comfortable silence looking at the empty screen in front of them.

“She would have been proud of you,” Raven says again and Garfield turns to her with a brow arched. She’s looking at something on his chest. He realizes he’s playing with his chain.

“Rita, I mean.” Raven says, playing with her shoe laces. Garfield feels his whole body still. 

“I know that’s why you do all of this,” Raven says, lifting her hand and waving it around. Garfield fixates on her delicate fingers as they weave through the air. He imagines her magic swimming between her fingers. “For Rita.” Raven finishes and Garfield looks back at her eyes again. He notices she’s not wearing any makeup and yet her skin looks completely smooth and clean.

“She would have loved seeing you do this,” Raven says. “You were like...Gregory Peck.”

Garfield feels a breath escape his lips. “Sorry...just...Roman Holiday was one of Rita’s favorite movies,” he says even though his throat feels weirdly tight and awkward.

“I know.”

“What?”

“Rita and I used to talk,” Raven says, shrugging. Garfield feels himself smiling again despite himself.

“You used to talk?” he asks in disbelief. “To Rita?” Raven crosses her arms, looking slightly peeved. She shrugs.

“Yes...about things.”

“Oh!” Garfield exclaims. Nodding as if Raven had just clarified everything. “You used to talk about things. My bad. Of course you used to talk about things.” He teases, wiggling his fingers whenever he says ‘things.’ 

“Gar…” Raven says, looking him up and down. It is then that he realized how close he’s gotten to her. Definitely closer than she’s allowed before. He hears Irma saying something about “boundaries” in the back of his mind. Still, it takes him a few seconds to put a respectable amount of space between them.

“Are you coming to the after party?” he asks, when the tingling he just felt in his stomach settles down. Raven shoots him a look. He raises his hands.

“Got it.” 

“I’m going to leave now,” she says, standing abruptly and he feels himself standing with her. He’s smiling at her; his cheeks hurt. She looks up at him and bites her lips. Then she smiles. Not one of her smirks but a full smile. It’s enough to make Garfield feel like he needs to sit down again. 

And suddenly he can’t see her face because she’s wrapped him in a tight hug. He feels the breath leave his lungs.

“I’m happy for you.” Her breath manages to find its way through the buttons of his button up and tickles the hair on his chest. He feels his chest expand. 

And suddenly she’s gone, before he can even wrap his arms around her too.

[night-rise]

F.O.W.L’s PLAN

F.O.W.L... The fiendish organization for World larceny..

They live up to their reputation of being fiendish. A group of criminal masterminds with enough power, brains and resources to give people like Scrooge and Darkwing Duck a run for their money. They are a threat that have the capability to destroy the entire duck family.

Scary part is... that’s just what they’re doing this season..

Their sights are set on anyone connected to Scrooge McDuck and they have stepped out of the shadows to challenge them and destroy them once and for all...

But how?

What’s the plan? What plan can be great enough to challenge them? The Duck family have conquered shadow armies, an alien invasion and have defeated countless other villains.

This beautiful family is strong and is growing stronger with each new ally they meet. BOY’D is a freakin super robot now! And we have Lena! She’s already an army in one lol What could FOWL possibly do to match this families strength?

Well that’s what we’re here to find out! And I think I got something.. Something that very well could be the end of Scrooge and his family...

Hey guys! NightRise here with another head scratching theory that will have you up all night pondering

In my previous and first FOWL theory (which I would suggest you go read before reading this. It’s super short don’t worry lol) I talked about the connections between the Bounce serum and Fentons Energy Crystal. How they both could be related to a larger scheme because both are related to BOUNCING.

But how do these two things fit in with fitches journal? The thing that seems to be FOWLS main focus this season.

What’s the missing piece to this plan?

Well I’m here to kick start the many possibilities that is FOWLS plan and help you all see the connections. Maybe you’ll take something from this to help with your own theories.

Now I’m telling you right now that this theory is absolutely a stretch and has about a 50% chance of being accurate. For the obvious reasons being that we’re not even half way through the season yet and we still have so much more of FOWL left to see.

But because of the pieces that I found connecting so well together and the show going on a little hiatus (boo) I thought I’d go ahead and drop this off now.

It’ll be my final theory on this fiendish organization and I want to share it with you the good people so you have something during the break to think over and keep you up at night theorizing.

So with that VERY long introduction out of the way, lets rise into this:

I’ve been thinking a lot about the bounce serum and it’s capabilities. What FOWL was going to use it for and how they think it’ll help them rule the world.

But how exactly? How does bouncing help with that?

Black Heron said she wanted to use the serum to create super soldiers to cause mass destruction and chaos across the- ... (Why am I having Captain America flashbacks...?)

Anyway!

But the thing with that is from what I’ve seen the Bounce juice doesn’t really cause mass destruction when its consumed by a normal person. It just makes them bounce and invulnerable to fall damage. It didn’t create a shockwave of destruction or anything like that when they landed. So how is she going to cause destruction with it?

Bouncing is only good for escaping or surviving from high up places. How could it possibly destroy anything?

Well I got to thinking. What happens when we bounce in a second story house on the top floor? It creates a stomp. A loud BOOM!

Vibrations

And the higher we jump the greater that vibe is. So I got to thinking where would strong vibrations be the most effective and catastrophic?

UNDERGROUND!

Earthquakes!

According to an adorable red hatted nerd we know, Earthquakes are shifting plates that move.

But as also stated by another adorable duckling “who’s pushing the plates”

(Okay so you might already know where I’m going with this and like I stated previously this is what I meant by this theory being stretched and far fetched. But this was the ONLY connection I could make with this so please bear with me, you’re about to see the connections I PROMISE)

There are only one species I know that are capable of causing earthquakes with little to no effort..

The final piece that I think is in FOWLS plan is.......

The Terrafirmians!

I know, I KNOW it’s crazy. And some of you are probably already leaving but HEAR. ME. OUT. PLEASE. Let me SPEAK. Cause I’m about to explain why.

As usual I’ll try to keep it as brief as I can:

Terrafirmians, ancient rock like cretrues that live in a society deep underground. Not much different from the above ground civilization.

Their capability to move around the earth effortlessly is amazing. And they are incredibly strong. With little to no effort they were able to make a clean safe passage back to the surface for the Duck family in a matter of seconds. Their rock like exterior makes them almost impenetrable.

Honestly they would make the perfect soldiers for anybody.........

So why wouldn’t FOWL want them in their army? They certainly can find a use for them. One specific use in general:

To use the juice

The Bounce juice is an organic drink, so you can’t give it to an army of robots. And we’ve seen what happens when you give it to a normal person. Not much.

But the Terrafirmians with their already tough exterior (which was redesigned in this reboot series. From furry and plush to rocky and tough) would cause a lot of damage if they were bouncing around everywhere. Bouncing is how they operate. They bounce and crash into rocks. But instead of digging right through the earth they’ll bounce right off of it, creating vibrations.

That serum would be perfect for them. Perfect for FOWL. An impenetrable army that could cause so much destruction in an instant. It’s the perfect plan.

Think of the time gap between the two missions involving the bounce serum.

Why did Heron return after so much time had past?

For so many years she could’ve attempted to capture Beakley and get the serum information she needed. So many chances. Why wait? Why was FOWL so quiet for so long and then suddenly pick up where they left off DECADES ago?

What changed?

I’ll tell you what changed. The plan changed. The original idea they had for the serum.

When Heron was explaining the plan she didn’t really sound like she had all the pieces together. Just soldiers bouncing “here, there and everywhere”. It was messy and not well put together.

It sounded like a disorganized plan for an organization.

FOWLS original plan was incomplete and had too many errors. So it was unnecessary at the time. That’s why FOWL didn’t try to go after the juice the first time Heron failed to acquire it. They weren’t desperate. They didn’t need it then. They found it unnecessary.

So why is it now that they are trying to complete that mission? What makes now different from back then? Why is it now necessary to acquire the serum after all this time?

Because they found the final piece they needed.

The Terrafirmians

But wait! How are we even sure we’d see them ever again in this season? Well because we only saw 4-5 of them. There’s an entire civilization of these guys. Are we really not going to explore more of them? This season is all about Huey so why wouldn’t we go back to the first obstacle he faced in the series?

Think I’m crazy?

Remember what Bradford Buzzard said at the end of Double-O-Duck? “We’re going to take it from them. From right underneath McDucks nose” UNDERNEATH! That’s gotta be a clue.

Their FOWL base!! Its underground! They moved from a tower to an underground lair. WHY? The tower looked perfectly fine to me. It seemed to be working just fine. Why move underground? That’s another clue.

But how does Fitches journal (which was found UNDERGROUND) fit into all this? Well allow me to explain.

The Terrafirmians are a peaceful friendly tribe, that have no beef with surface dwellers. If they had a problem with them they would’ve showed up a long time ago. But they haven’t. It’s obvious they want peace.

This doesn’t fit in with FOWLS plan though. So they are looking for a way to change the Terrafirmians way of thinking. Take away their peaceful ideals. They want to corrupt them. Control them

Mind control.

They are looking for an artifact that helps with that. It’s become obvious that they are not looking to acquire every artifact in that journal.

If that was the case they would’ve been there to steal the Harp from the ducks or showed up after they left to take it. But they didn’t. Not a sign of them anywhere.

And they already have the third eye diamond. Found in their personal archives. (How that’s possible is full of theories that I will leave to someone else to work on lol)

But by the way it was presented in the episode Double-O-Duck, it didn’t seem like it was needed. Or important. Just a side project. Why?

Because they are after a SPECIFIC artifact. One that would help with controlling the Terrafirmians. That’s what Bradford meant by “The race is on”. The race to the final key they need. The final key like...

The Stone of What Was!

“STONE”. That’s already connected to the earth. There’s a chance this stone is with the Terrafirmians. Or it might be the case that this stone will help whoever has it find the hidden civilization that is the Terrafirmians.

Kinda strange they’re saving that one for last, don’t you think?

Could that be the final thing they need? Would that bring them total control? Who knows but it’s interesting that the creators of the series would save that adventure for last.

But wait, how does Fentons crystal fit into all of this? How would that help FOWL in anyway?

Well if my previous theory was correct, Gandra is already working on that solution.

See that’s the thing about theories everybody! When you do them, include everyone that applies to it!

Putting certain characters in scenarios that fit them. And that’s what I did with Gandra. Shes a scientist plus she has a connection with Fenton. Her and Fenton obviously are going to meet again. What else would she possibly work on?

She’s going to replicate Fentons experiment on a larger scale. Wrap the Terrafirmians in that same synthetic crystal, like clothing or Energy suits, to boost the power of their bounce.

The greater the bounce the greater the vibration.

FOWL is going to control an army of Terrafirmans, give them bounce juice and wrap them up in Fentons Synthetic crystal so they’ll be powerful enough to create INSTANT EARTHQUAKES!

But not in a city wide rage! Specific locations. FOWL said they don’t want to destroy the world. Just the Duck family. In fact they don’t want to destroy the world at all. But steal it from everybody else. What better way to do that then to have an army of earthquack making soldiers that can split up and target each individual family member and take them out unsuspectedly?

FOWL said it themselves they want to do things smarter. What’s smarter than an earthquake making army you can’t see coming that can take you out before you even know what’s going on? At anytime. ANYWHERE.

The very world itself would turn against the Duck family. It’ll be robbed from them!

They don’t call it “WORLD LARCENY” for nothing am I right?

Magica and Lunaris already tried taking the aggressive approach and failed. Now FOWL wants to do things more stealth like. In the shadows. Leaving no trail that will lead back to them. The charging head first method has failed multiple times so FOWL is trying something different.

Still think it’s crazy?

Well check this out:

What do you guys notice about this picture? For one thing it has every target that FOWL is after on it. But what else do you see? Where are they?

In the sky..

Now why would everybody meet up in the sky? Is it because maybe the ground is currently unsafe? Hmmmmmmmm?!

Brute force is not going to work this time. It’ll be a battle of intelligence. Lucky for us we have a duckling that can out brain all of FOWL

They might have an army

But we have a Huey...

I’m looking forward to seeing the outcome of this season. This hiatus WILL be the end of me I just know it lol but it gives us the fans plenty of time to figure this out. I’ll be looking forward to taking this journey with you all.

If I said it once this season I’ll say it again

BRING. IT. ON. F.O.W.L.

[monotonous-minutia]

Les contes d’Hoffmann (La Scala, 1995) reactions, pt. 2

Next up: Olympia!

sad we don’t get the little entr’acte here. 

HE’S JUST SO CUTE

I love how the costumes are all just pretty straightforward

can you tell yet why he’s my favorite

another married Spalanzani/Cochenille team

having this extra number in here for Hoffmann is really unnecessary imo, but when it’s this guy, I don’t mind at all.

CUTIE PIE

Susanne Mentzer can have my whole heart

“okay but when you say ‘One glance is enough to embrace the heavens’, are you talking about me or her?”

(total aside but does anyone hold this note as long as he does???)

Hoffmann just hit his fists on the table to denote his despair, and Nicklausse imitated him during his line. I cannot get over these two.

Hoffmann’s expressions during this entire number hahaha (also I love hearing Mentzer sing this one :) )

“it’s been five minutes time for a shoulder pat”

“Je t’aime” “what” “I don’t know how to speak any more plainly you have to put in some of the effort here”

here comes trouble

“gotta check in with the boyf before I buy anything”

Nicklausse is very concerned

the staging for this is fun but I will forever be bitter that we didn’t get this cast singing the trio des yeux

their faces

Hoffmann started to follow one of the models and Nicklausse pulled him away hahaa

Coppélius just pushed Nicklausse’s hand off of Hoffmann’s shoulder and Nicklausse is not happy

the acting in this is just fantastic

Nicklausse is so sassy

he’s always talking about how much he loves Olympia but acting in love with Nicklausse and you know what they say about actions speaking louder than words.

Nicklausse’s “Vraiment elle est très bien” absolutely came out with a smirk. The sass don’t stop.        

BEHOLD, Natalie Dessay, the greatest Olympia ever to grace the stage

Hoffmann pulls Nicklausse away because Nicklausse is having too much fun at everyone else’s expense

Olympia is signing autographs

Hoffmann: I’M OBSESSED WITH OLYMPIA Nicklausse: it’s okay I still love you

I’ve been meaning to make a gifset of her for forever because screencaps just don’t do it justice

her fingers got caught in the harp strings so she’s pulling them all out now

Spalanzani and Cochenille’s expressions...two sides of the co-parenting coin

Hoffmann switched to the magic glasses and now Olympia is moving like a real person

“is it getting hot in here or is it just me”

Nicklausse is gracious enough to applaud also I love how Dessay gets like a full two minutes of applause here

Hoffmann’s getting a little done with Nicklausse’s smirking

still wants to hold his hand though

Hoffmann actually keeps going after Nicklausse like he’s asking him to stay and Nicklausse is just gesturing to Olympia like “go ahead it’s fine I’ll wait”

he’s just so cute why can’t all Hoffmanns be this cute instead of 50% of them being dicks

adorable

really wish we could’ve got the little waltzy duet with these two :(

Ramey might be the scariest Coppélius I’ve seen

awww

Poor Olympia and poor Hoffmann (also no one holds this note as long as Shicoff either)

I can’t y’all, I can’t

Spalanzani: YOU KILLED MY DAUGHTER Coppélius: EXCUSE YOU SHE WAS MY DAUGHTER Cochenille: We really should have drafted a better custody agreement

Nicklausse being a good (boy)friend

[bobasheebaby]

Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz Prompts

1 “Aww, NAME did the dishes.” “How do you know I didn't do them?” “Because once when all the knives were dirty, you cut a bagel with your keys.”

2 “My arm is feeling numb.” [rubs right arm] “That's the wrong arm for a heart-attack, doofus.” [switches to left arm]

3 “I told you you shouldn't have espresso after dinner. I know the little cups make you feel big but it's not worth it.”

4 “I'm sorry I didn't take you to the airport. I just want you to know I'll never forgive myself for being so selfish. And I promise to keep you close for the rest of my life.” “Oh, no, that thing's gonna end up in my bedroom.”

5 “Okay, let's just recap our options. We've got harp thing, sheep thing —“ “Wild thang.”

6 “I'm too small for Twister. And roller coasters. And sitting with my feet on the floor. Hope you enjoyed the prenatal cigarettes, Mom.”

7 “But we have jobs, we can't babysit him:her twenty-four hours a day.” “What if we use our vacation time?” “I wanted to go to Hawaii, not Hell.”

8 “Are you okay?” “No, I'm not okay. I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin.” “I told you not to wax down there. It's itchy when it grows back.”

9 “I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.” “Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?” “From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!”

10 “Guess who won a hundred dollars playing craps?” “That's a dollar.” “Guess who wildly over-tipped a cocktail waitress?”

11 “Boy, I don't know if I could be friends with NAME if we broke up.” “Why not?” “I'm a very vengeful person.” “Really?”

12 “I'm glad I got that mocha. And you know what else I'm glad about? I bought you a brownie and I ate it in the car!”

13 “What's happening?” “NAME was snooping through NAME 2’s drawers and broke one.” “Oh, I'm gonna miss him/her.”

14 “Aww, that was beautiful.” “Yeah. I mean, not like our wedding beautiful.” “No, we totally won.”

15 [Shouting at another driver] “Your kid might be a honor student but you're a moron!”

16 “You know, once we get the house back to ourselves, we can be romantic in any room we want.” “Great. I can finally show you where the laundry room is.”

17 “NAME, this is our kid's name. I think we should both agree.” “You're right. We both made this baby.” “Thank you.” “And I carried it, had to stay in bed for four months, sacrificed my body and my job, and soon it's gonna burst its way out of me like the Kool-Aid Man.” “Exactly. Fifty-fifty.”

18 “He/She sounds really mad.” “We should hang up.” “Yeah, we should.” “But we're not going to, are we?” “Not a chance.” “What happened to snooping is wrong?” “Eh, we're already going to jail for tax fraud, who cares.”

19 “One of the great things about being pregnant is drinking cranberry juice out of a wineglass and watching people freak out.”

20 “Oh, my God, they're coming right towards us.” “We got to get out of here.” “Okay. Well, wait, what about NAME?” “He/She and his/her tiny bladder can take the bus!”

21 “I think if NAME wants to break up with a boy/girl, he/she can do it.” “How are you saying that with a straight face?” [laughs] “I don't know.”

22 “We can't all be Cinderella.” “Then how do we decide?” “Well, it's simple. This was my idea. I'm driving. I'm Cinderella. You bitches got a problem with that, we could stop the car right now.”

23 “Every one of you has the capacity to be anything you want to be.” “Unless you want to be Cinderella.” “Come at me. See what happens!”

24 “It's kind of heavy.” “Too bad you're not as strong as the dude in the painting.”

25 “Let me ask you a question. When did you guys start feeling grown up? Because I'm not sure I do.” “Honestly, I thought when I got married I would, but I still feel like I'm pretending. It doesn't help that most of my clothes come from Gap Kids.”

26 “Honestly, if I could bend that far what would I need with you.” “If you could bend that far, you'd be doing both of us a favor.”

27 [Yelling at person b] “I'M NICE TO EVERYONE!”

28 “We were hoping it might cheer you up.” “And even though it meant we had to miss the movies, we could still be part of the fun.” “Oh, you didn't miss anything. We just started over.” “Son of a bitch.”

29 “If this doesn't get him/her in to your bedroom, nothing will.”

30 “It smells pretty ripe in here. You kinda feel it in your eyes.”

31 “Oh my God! You did not just slow down for a bird! You know they fly, right?”

32 “You suck so hard!”

33 “Now there's two of them.”

34 “I said to stop insulting each other. I didn't tell you to take him/her on a romantic getaway.”

35 “This isn't a nonfat yogurt, this is fatty-fat-fat!”

36 “Okay, we're gonna start with some nice breathing exercises.” [inhales, exhales] “Sorry. I can't think of anything except how flat your belly is.” “Oh, thank you.” “Go put on some more clothes, you bitch.”

37 “Love is patient, but it's not gonna put up with all the side chatter, so let's knock it off!” “At least he’s/she's yelling at someone else for a change.” “NAME!”

38 “Brush your teeth and go to bed!”

39 “That bitch!”

40 “The tow truck didn't scratch your car.” “How do you know?” “‘cause I did it!”

41 “I didn't know you could drink while you were breastfeeding.” “Yeah, they say the yeast in beer helps with milk production.” “I'm pretty sure that's a myth. Let me check.” “Ruin it for me, and I'll break this glass over your head.”

42 “I guess we're going to have to do all the cooking.” “I have a better idea.” “If you think you're going to get to me do all this by yourself, you're crazy.” “I was going to get NAME to do it all by himself/herself.” “Oh, well that's a great idea.”

43 “There sure are a lot of little kids here.” “I can't believe we thought this would make us feel grown up.” “I can't believe the waiter thought I was your daughter.”

44 “That is a good point. But I didn't marry you for good points. I married you to blindly support me no matter how ridiculous I'm being.” “This is why I had to rewrite our wedding vows.”

45 “If you like pushing buttons so much, try pushing them on the washing machine.”

46 “Let's go see if you fit in my man purse.” “Metrosexual, my ass.”

47 “Apple slices? What kind of lunatic goes to McDermott’s and gets fruit?”

48 “Okay, we saw them. Can we go catch the movie?” “Why'd you bring him?” “I had to. We're married now.” “Ugh, I hear that.”

49 “So I have a dominant personality. We all know that.” “I'm sorry. What do we know?” “In social groupings, I just naturally wind up in charge.” “Don't take this the wrong way, but how many of these little booze balls have you had?”

50 “Hey, you want to swing by that place tonight and get a look at this guy/girl?” “We don't even know what time they're gonna be there.” “I'll just call the restaurant, pretend I'm NAME and check the reservation.” “Damn, you're sneaky.” “Yeah, but I'm little, so it's adorable.”

[jamiebluewind]

Fantasy High Locations 2.12

As always, let me know if I need to edit or add anything and tag/ask/PM me about art and stories so I can check them out!

***

Arborly, Silvar

Forest with towering ancient trees with curling, twisting branches, limbs, and trunks

Curves of trees eclipse each other and vines growing up the trees

Forest floor has deep thick ferns and overgrowth

Reed-like in places with tall grass that grow up over the top of even Gorgug's head with a kept flagstone path that leads to an iron gate

Chill damp air with limited visibility, but no visible billowing fog

Ambient mist is dispersed, but causes anything in the distance to blur and muffles sounds

Spooky but healthy

Looks like a forest with a single home, but is in fact a town with similar platforms in trees like Hollyhill.

No roads that are good for driving and a lot of unlevel terrain

1 to 2 day's walk past the barrier to get to the large temple mentioned in the texts the bad kids found.

No cell service

Ambient duidic magic from 200 to 300 years ago that pushed back the wall, allowing the wood elves and gnomes to reclaim the town.

Gnomish tinkerers help the people stay safe and build their homes inside the trees while wood elves guard and protect the town

Originally a wood elf town, but now

the heart of the town is gnomish

"The Wall"

Thick barrier of infernal magic

At the edge of the forest where the barrier is, the trees grow so thick that there is no dirt between them and they create a wall

Thick barbed razor sharp briers fill in any gaps and go up 80 feet

Looks like a wall of thorns dwarfing the forest outside it like a tidal wave frozen in place

Thorns are serrated, hooked, and barbed with a straight point as well (like the ends of pole arms)

Thorns tried to attack Ayda (growing quickly), but not Fig

The leaves are so dark that the boarder on purple, like an oilslick on the leaves

30 minute walk from Hollyhill

Good guys want to get rid of the wall but the bad guys do as well

(Unknown location in the forest)

Scried by Adaine

Dark, twisted, and grarled that is almost looks suterranian

Tunnels of interlocking branches (like caves)

Path is made by using the crystal containing Gorthalax implanted in Killean

Hollyhill

Mannor that belongs to Grover Tillythatch (venue executive gnome Fig met on tour who offered to let her visit)

Owners moved to Solace 2 generations ago and he inherited it

Iron gate set in an old stone wall surrounding a massive tree

The iron gate has a 10 year old keypad used to get in (code 1235)

Wall has a latch thing which allow the wall to fold down and created a big enough opening to move Van inside the stone wall

Rounded door set in the side of the tree looks like an exquisitely wrought shingled birdhouse set into the ground

Front door is tall enough for an average human (but the half-orcs have to duck), so a huge manor house by gnome standards (also has a sliding glass door)

Birdhouses, hammocks, rope bridges, and circular platforms sit in the branches of the tree high in the canopy

Has Spyre tech, but not brand new

3 hot tubs (upstairs one later filled with shrimp and another designed by the teens as just for Gilear), multiple fridges (2 in a storage space, 1 in kitchen, and 1 in upstairs guest suite), sound system, crystals, and a pool

Has a small crystal pylon downstairs to use as a generator

Fluffy robes that the owner thought were worth bragging about

The Owl And The Harp

Across the road from Tikerer's Hall

Has a painted owl flying over a harp outside the building

Visited by Adaine and Riz (the research squad)

A bar and inn

Relaxed environment of gnomish construction, but built to wood elf scale

Has average tables as well as gnome sized ones

Most of the patrons are gnomes (wearing t-shirts according to Riz)

Spiral staircase in the center, each level having a private one room suite

Has an unnamed male bartender working there

Top suite is where Elianwyn had been staying (she didn't check out). It was left spattered in blood, covered in half burnt candles, littered with arcane stuff on the floor, and had images of a skeletal robed figure in a crown etched into the wall (that was obviously drawn by Elianwyn)

Riz and Adaine both agree that an arcane crime scene felt more comfortable than trying to talk to a bartender

Tikerer's Hall

Near the inn

Visited by Gorgug, Fabian, Ragh, and Hangman.

Built into side of a giant moss covered bolder with a smoking chimney on top with smoke coming out and two big gears turning on the side (but nobody is sure what they do)

The doorway is gnome sized

Gramophone springs out to allow the gnomes to talk to visitors

Contains a large group of gnomes tinkerers who all have very old gear relative to Solace

Led by Krumpkin Springbill

They keep recipts for what others purchase (including Killean)

The lab is increadible, but ancient with tech that's 50 to 100 years old

The lab is full of gears, simple machines, worktables, shops, vices, presses, drills, and a roaring fire with bellows

Random machines like the gizmotron which "hops up real high and then you gotta find it"

Shrine of Thorns

Visited by Fig, Tracker and Kristen (who were dropped off by Sandra Lynn on Baxter)

The village's old shrine to a forgotten goddess of Silvar (and possibly an easier place to entire the nightmare forest from)

A small shrine made of moss covered stone and plinths with a clay roof on top

Wood elven etchings around it

Has been partially crushed and consumed

Entrance is reclamed, but the dais is still clamed by thorns with the briars having broken through just past the stone seats where it would begin

Crossing the threshold makes werewolves sick

Tracker used a light spell, blowing in her hand to make the room fill with motes of moonlight

Ancient carved and etched mural covered by vines depicts a woman in a gown, cloak, and cape, her hair dark as the night and spreading out in all directions. She is holding a book and broomstick. A black cat crawls across her back. A small dwelling is next to her.

The briars blocking the dais have a charred handprint, the same one Fig's magic left at the top of briars. Using burning hands again causes fire to spread into a full stretching oval, creating a burning doorway that opens to a red firy sky and a blasted red plane.

***

More 2.12

[sweet-star-cookie]

Signs You May Be Watching a Hallmark Movie + Christmas Edition

Hey all, your friendly neighbourhood aroace here who is Tired of This Shit™ and needs to rant. I have been exposed to far too many of these movies for my own good and I am doing this to maintain my sanity, especially given the rampant Christmas season. For those who may not know, a Hallmark Movie or W (Women’s) Network movie is a general term for the generic schlock they call romance movies played on these eponymous channels, targeted towards middle-aged straight women and they are always terrible from a story / character / everything standpoint. These are genuinely some of the most predictable, generic, cookie-cutter pieces of media that I’ve ever seen and I’ve been itching to rip them apart for years so NOW’S THE TIME. If you genuinely enjoy these movies, ironically or not, I promise I’m not trying to take that away from you with this post, but please understand: you deserve better movies than this, even for passive entertainment. They genuinely make me uncomfortable and this post is to tell you why.

I’ve done my best to make this an exhaustive list, but feel free to add more yourself (lord knows I’m not researching it). ALRIGHT HERE WE GO

The Stale White Bread Main Leads - almost exclusively a white female protagonist who cannot be distinguished from any other generic white woman, usually with medium length blonde or brown hair, an hourglass figure and perfect teeth (only has glasses if she’s supposed to look Smart™, but she can take them off at will) She is a:

- Business Woman™ of two flavours: a struggling small business owner (usually a bakery, especially in the Christmas movies) or a high tier executive in a stuffy city job

OR

- hokey small town woman who is randomly prettier than every other person in this town because the rest of them are 50+ or are decidedly “less attractive” than her so it is clear to the audience that they are not supposed to be after the affections of the equally attractive love interest

OR

- journalist / writer who is lacking in Inspiration™ and just needs someone in her life who can give it to her again ~siiiighhhhhh~ OR - an extremely efficient wedding planner who can make everything work for everyone else but *~Can’t Seem To Find Her Own Prince Charming~* ———

- the love interest is a generic white man who cannot be distinguished from any other generic white man, usually with swept back hair, a chiseled jaw and a punchable face (seriously look it up) He is a:

- well-meaning mild-mannered guy who Just Happens To Bump Into the Protagonist at her business or festival because he’s new in town, sometimes in the form of being the Misunderstood Starving Artist Type™ (and if so he is a painter with a fine arts gallery, no exceptions) OR

- Business Man™ stuck in his dead-end office job, but only if the protagonist is not (though sometimes you get the rare Double Business plot and that is a ride of 75% business meetings during the film’s run time) OR - single dad whose previous wife left him / died, making him a lowkey Sad Boy and he has at least one child from the marriage (see the kids section for more on that plot device) OR - the friend of the groom in the wedding movies who always gets with the wedding planner protag at the end The Sidekick - usually a co-worker or a friend of the protag that somehow appears more often than the others - The only POC characters to appear in these movies (if any appear at all) are exclusively the protag’s supportive friend OR - the quirky (and usually old) townsperson who periodically appears to bring the protag and love interest together in a plot thread thinner than my patience - two flavours of sidekick: laid back and chill compared to the nervous protag but gets to say “I told you so” when the leads end up together, OR the impulsive one who pushes the protag to “chase her dreams” with the love interest - “Come on, live a little!” / “You only live once!” - the first time the protag interacts with the love interest, the sidekick swoops in like a fucking peregrine falcon to call them out on it - “OOOOooooooooh who was that guy????? Do you like him????? Ask him out!!!!!!” - sometimes the love interest has a male sidekick and when he does, either he or the love interest are Chads

- sometimes the male sidekick is an inexplicably old co-worker that tells the leads to “fall in love while they still can” (because he didn’t and regrets it) The Parents - one or both are dead for either the protag or the love interest to give the Tragic Backstory™ - this is usually used as a Bonding Moment at around Act 2 of the movie after the protags know each other well enough, but sometimes comes up on the first date for that first bout of ~Awkward Tension~ OR - both parents are alive and old and are exclusively used to tell the protag that they will find The One™

- the protag has a Look about them after they first meet the love interest, and the parents call them out on it immediately (similar to the sidekick) - the father will tell the protag that she is being too stubborn for not pursuing the love interest, and the wife will chime in to say “just like you were” - sometimes the parents are replaced with grandparents, though usually just one and it’s a grandfather for the female protag or grandmother for the male love interest Kids or Cats - either of these are used as plot devices to periodically bring the two leads together in the background without anyone noticing (seriously none of the characters notice that they are there for this purpose until at least halfway through the movie or later) - if there is a cat, that cat must be held in a person’s arms for at least 50% of the shots with the two leads because GET IT THEY BOTH LIKE CATS THEY’RE DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER YOU GUYS THE CAT IS THERE IT’S GOTTA BE TRUE - that cat will conveniently get lost at least once, leading to one of the leads finding it and bringing it back to the other, or they search for it together - if both of the leads like cats, the previous girlfriend of the love interest (or boyfriend of the protag) conveniently doesn’t like cats (that’s how you know the love interest is legit -wink wink-) - these cats (or dogs even) will inevitably cause mischief that inconveniences both of the leads, but then they make eye contact, laugh about it, and go “Oh, [pet’s name]” - kids exist to do two things in these movies: 1. “innocently” ask if the protag is gonna get together with the love interest after seeing him once, and often will do things throughout the film to make them see each other more 2. show to the protag whether or not the love interest is “a good guy” by being good with kids* * being good with kids is a prerequisite, because all relationships in these movies HAVE to be the lead up marriage + kids guaranteed The Music - flutes are used for added *~Whimsy~* when the two leads are spending time together - All music to denote awkward situations contains exclusively clarinets and harps (you know the ones) - said music flares up when one or both of the leads says their love out loud when they “weren’t supposed to” - sparkle sound effect when the leads touch hands or give each other The Look™ - bonus points if they do the thing where one of them drops something and they both go to pick it up, only to touch hands “by accident”

Other General Shit

- these movies are peak Straight Energy™

- every character and setting in these movies are impossibly saccharine, to the point where they don’t speak or act like real people (almost like a HALLMARK GREETING CARD HAHAH GET IT)  - central visual themes exist for incredibly flimsy symbolism, anything from butterflies to rainbows (YES RAINBOWS) - bonus points if the child in the movie is interested in this central theme and it somehow connects to the two leads (example: the daughter of the love interest has butterflies on her walls, and the protag just HAPPENS to be baking butterfly shaped cookies in the next scene) - extra Sad Boy points if a dead character in the movie used to love the central theme before they died (it’s usually a mom or grandma for extra Contrived Sincerity™) - every title of these movies contains “Love” or “Heart” in the title, or involves the central theme in the name - if any of these take place during Valentine’s Day HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS because everything I mention here is amped up by 10 in those ones - if families with children is central at all in the plot, you are guaranteed at least one (1) pregnant woman / expecting father in the movie

- the love interest is introduced almost immediately after the protagonist, and you know who the couple will be by the end of this train wreck by about 5 minutes in

- the camera work focuses on the side eye looks that everyone else gives the two leads when they’re in love but Don’t Know It Yet - obligatory walk in a park / sitting on a bench scene, to establish nostalgia or longing or both - “Huh, that’s weird.” (said after a very obvious romantic advancement is shown, OR when the flimsy symbolism just happens to appear somewhere)

- scenes pause frequently when an awkward moment happens, supplemented by the clarinets farting in the soundtrack - any time the two leads are seen together, there is always ONE PERSON who mistakes them for a married couple (usually a concierge at a hotel or an oblivious friend), to which they awkwardly reply with the following:

- “I’m not looking for marriage right now!” / “we’re just friends!” * *fun fact if you want me to rage instantly, use this line anywhere and I will be out for blood - “I’m fine with being single!” followed by a “suuuuure you are” look from the sidekick or parents* *you know what add this one to the “out for blood” list too

- if there is a restaurant scene the entire staff will retroactively try to make the scene more romantic well before the leads have any feelings for each other - the waiter of the restaurant will side eye both of them like “okay lovebirds” - “he’s just a friend, a boy…. friend, a friend who is a boy. Friend boy.” - “Did I just say that out loud?” - the “act natural” scene where the love interest is coming over and the protag spends too much time messing with her clothes, hair and posture before he arrives - The Misunderstanding™ that usually takes place before or during a party and drives a wedge between the leads for a maximum of 5 minutes - the obligatory “I’m sorry” scene after the misunderstanding, consisting of the love interest standing in front of the protag’s house while she stands on her porch with her arms folded. As he explains himself, he slowly walks closer until they meet and he proposes / professes his love to her, then they kiss as the camera zooms out and fades to credits - if they kiss during a festival scene, you’ve got at least a 50% chance of fireworks going off in the background - Flowers. There are always flowers, given or received.

If the movie takes the Business angle: - the “too busy to live life happily” plot is a prerequisite - every business job is automatically an office job with board meetings, and it is always portrayed as a dull or negative experience - the protagonist is assigned to the hokey small town and travels reluctantly from the city

- her reluctance is punctuated by getting stuck behind a tractor or a bad encounter with the townsfolk that would Only Happen Here - she has a previous relationship with a guy in the city who is Very Clearly An Asshole but she takes the entire movie to realize this

- side eye glances from the locals, especially if the protag is in heels / a blazer / a short skirt

- “you’re not from around here, are you?” - the love interest is, at the start, the only friendly person to the protag

- said asshole boyfriend continues to call her about her business duties, until later in the movie when she decides to ignore him / dump him without so much as a warning - there is usually a conflict of interest between business advancement / capitalism and The Passion For The Job™

- “are you really going to give up all we’ve worked for?” (this is the final straw for the protag to dump the asshole) - literally it’s like “fuck you i’m out” -hangs up-

- obligatory scene where the protag ignores her family / relationship opportunities for a business phone call, paralleled by a scene at the end where she ignores the call instead - eventually she decides to stay in the small town and run a farm / bakery / antique shop with the love interest If the movie takes the Wedding angle: - the protag is ALWAYS too distracted by her wedding planning to think about romance for herself, something that the sidekick / parents will point out ad nauseum  - the love interest is ALWAYS the friend or the brother to the groom - there are very rarely bridezillas, usually the protag is insanely good at her job to placate this anyway - there IS, however, the stuck-up mother-in-law who must test the skills of the protag because Reasons - the groom sweats nervously 24/7 (can you blame him really?) - if the bride and groom have any disagreements whatsoever it is always at the cake tasting or the flower / decoration phase - the “everything goes wrong right before the wedding and then it all works out” plot is compulsory - the bride’s dress doesn’t fit, the groom loses the ring, the catering is late, the gang’s all here - the protag has to navigate all friction with the bride, while the love interest does the same with the groom, thus bringing the two leads closer by proxy - whatever relationship issues between the bride and groom resolved by the two leads automatically translates to their own relationship as well - solving this bickering can also lead to a “maybe I was wrong” scene between the two leads directly after if they are fighting at this point too - the bride’s mother or father will give something important to the bride / groom every time, and the protag has to find a way to implement it into the wedding - the protag will always have a “window shopping” scene with the sidekick, and that window will ALWAYS have a wedding dress or ring in it - the day is saved by the love interest coming to the rescue last minute, solidifying the protag’s love for him - during the ceremony, the protag and the love interest have that Knowing Look as the bride and groom are celebrating - if there is a child present at all they will always be the flower girl / ring bearer for the two leads at the end - if the child is a little girl, there is prince / princess imagery all over the damn place - bonus points if the sidekick also hooks up with the only other named character in the entire movie by the end - extra bonus points if the only way you know they hook up is if they give each other a look like “yeah I’d tap that”

BONUS: Signs You May Be Watching a Hallmark Movie - Christmas Edition

- ambiguously placed mistletoe (someone has to kiss that’s just the rules my guys)

- if you don’t hear jingle bells in the entire soundtrack then you’re doing it wrong - either the protag or the love interest are Not in the Christmas Spirit and the other makes them get back into it by the end - “but what about your faaaaaamily” (used when the lead(s) are disillusioned about the holidays, can also lead to Tragic Backstory™) - the “too busy to live life happily” plot is still a prerequisite, but just about the holiday season

- town festivals and Christmas parties - turtleneck sweaters and scarves everywhere, not for the cold weather but for the protag to lift over her face when she’s embarrassed about liking the love interest, and then the sidekick notices and goes “OOOOOOHHHHHH” OR - the protag conveniently leaves the scarf or some other object behind thereby forcing the love interest to return it to her in person - there is always an old man character who either plays Santa at the mall or is an allegory for Santa in relation to the protags

- the leads will go skating, one will be reluctant and one will always fall on their ass immediately - bonus points if they fall on each other, and have a moment of staring into each other’s eyes before they’re like “oh shit” and frantically apologize as they get up - “let me show you how” *~holds hands as the music chimes~*

- if kids are around, the love interest will skate while the protag watches, and him falling on his ass is supposed to convey how he’s an easygoing goofball who can laugh at himself (this is usually used if the protag is the stuffy business woman with a sidekick telling her to lighten up) - obligatory snowball fight followed by hot cocoa scene - the protag and love interest are dressed in red and green respectively for that sweet, sweet Symbolism™ (*~because RED is the colour of PASSION~*) - angel symbolism for a dead parent or a “guardian angel” watching over the protags to make sure they get together by the end - bonus points if either the parents or the sidekick mention this guardian angel multiple times throughout the movie, until the leads kiss and they look lovingly at said symbolism somewhere else in the room at the end - other symbolism in anything from deer to snowflakes (yes really) - the struggling small businesses are almost exclusively bakeries and / or a family business that was owned by one of the leads’ now dead grandmother (insert Grandma’s Famous Cookie Recipe here)

- finding the right Christmas tree or perfect present is used as an allegory for finding The One™

- bonus points if either the protag or love interest awkwardly state the words “how do you know it’s the right one?” in the context of the tree and the other responds with “I’m sure I’ll know, in time” in a different context, and then they look at each other suggestively before the scene ends - house / room decorating montage that features some kind of upbeat Christmas song over it (Jingle Bell Rock, Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, etc.), and always features the two leads who just happened to end up decorating together, usually with a child accompanying them - the two leads get snowed in and are Forced To Spend The Night Together

- there are still always flowers but because Christmas they’re poinsettias every time ——– - honestly if I can recommend anything go watch the murder mysteries that the Hallmark channel has now (YES THEY EXIST) - seriously they still do the stupid romance and will-they-won’t-they with the two investigators, and then one of the hokey townspeople gets shot or poisoned and the sheer tonal whiplash that causes makes it a fucking riot from there - make a drinking game out of these movies if you want to die instantly

[blustersquall]

Are you watching Strictly? If so, who do you like/dislike/meh?

Hello!

Yes, I am watching Strictly this year.

Honestly, I didn’t recognise most of this year’s line up. In fact, only Danny John Jules really rang a bell for me, the rest of them I had to look up, and even then for some of them, I was still “huh?”

I really love Danny and Amy. Possibly because I grew up with Red Dwarf, but a lot of it comes from his flare and how suave he is, and that he’s really trying. And I admire the fact he’s in his... what, 50s? and can do things I could never, ever do. 

I’m also a fan of Charles and Karen, because I feel like he’s the most improved of all the celebrities. I was pretty “meh” about him until he and Karen did the Dancer’s Choice (uh, the new dance option which I’m still sorta “okay, but why?” about). When they did that, I started paying attention to him and I really enjoy watching him. I hate that he’s been in the bottom two so many times. He doesn’t deserve it, and I feel like the judges undermark him all the time while over-marking their obvious favourites coughstaceyandashelycough

It’s also really telling that on twitter, many, many people say they hate Danny and Charles because they’re “arrogant” and “cocky”. But they ignore those attributes in other competitors, like Stacey and Ashley. Funny how it’s the two MoC who get called that shit, while the white faves are praised every way to Sunday.

I’m also really fond of Kate and Alijaz (sp?) I don’t think she’ll be in much longer, but she’s really enjoying it and I love seeing her every week performing. She’s improved a lot too, and I like how genuine she is.

No shock, I really dislike Stacey and Ashley. I mean, Stacey’s VT on Saturday night might well have been her godsdamned winner’s speech. And they kept going on and on about her godsdamned injury. Kate also had a horrific injury, but no one harped on about that. It was mentioned maybe once or twice on Saturday? With Stacey, they brought it up every other sentence. 

It’s annoying because it’s so obvious the show and the judges are pushing for Stacey to win. The favouritism is so clear and it annoys the shit out of me because I really like Kevin. He’s been one of my favourite professionals for years, and I genuinely think he deserves to win because he’s been so close so many times (I personally think he should have won the year Jay and Aliona won, 2015 I believe. That show dance with the Lindybop content was fucking INCREDIBLE). So, while I love Kevin and would love for him to win... I don’t want him to win with someone as obnoxious as Stacey, who is being pushed by the showrunners to win. 

And I don’t like Ashley just because she comes across as incredibly insincere and fake in every single thing she does. Like, she expects to get through the elimination every week and, eh, she just rubs me the wrong way (although I’m super jealous that in her and Pasha’s VT this week, where ever they were, an Indian Ringneck flew right up to Pasha. I WANNA BE WHERE THE IRN ARE!!)

I’m pretty meh about the rest of them. Joe is cute, but he’s obviously getting the “young person’s vote” because of his youtube “career”. But he does seem genuine and comes across as a nice guy. I like Graeme a lot, and I love Oti, again, I would love to see her win but I don’t think they’ll be around much longer, sadly. Faye I like, but similar to Ashley, she comes across as quite insincere to me at times. Although, I will admit her and Giovanni’s theatre/jazz number was amazing on Halloween. And ... is it Lauren who is with AJ? I like her, I can see the improvement, but I guess I just haven’t clicked much with her.

To be honest, I often go back and rewatch my favourite series which is from 2016. I liked a lot of the celebs that year, and my favourite from week one, Ore Oduba won the series with Joanne, so I was super happy about that. :D

This became very long. Apparently I have a lot of feelings about Strictly Come Dancing this year. XD

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Welcome to FiveThirtyEight’s weekly politics chat. The transcript below has been lightly edited.

micah (Micah Cohen, politics editor): We’re here to talk about superdelegates!!!!!!

Everyone’s favorite subject, right?

clare.malone (Clare Malone, senior political writer): Extremely 2016 up in here.

micah: (This is my least favorite topic.)

clare.malone: I can’t imagine why. It’s so sexy, and the debate is totally based in facts about what happened during 2016.

micah:

OK, so Democrats over the weekend curtailed the power of superdelegates a bit by changing the party’s nominating rules.

Here, from friend-of-the-site Josh Putnam at Frontloading HQ, is a description of the new system:

1. If a candidate wins 50 percent of the pledged delegates plus one during or by the end of primary season, then the superdelegates are barred from the first ballot. 2. If a candidate wins 50 percent of all of the delegates (including superdelegates) plus one, then the superdelegate opt-in is triggered and that faction of delegates can participate in the first (and only) round of voting. 3. If no candidate wins a majority of either pledged or all delegates during or by the end of primary season, then superdelegates are barred from the first round and allowed in to vote in the second round to break the stalemate.

Can someone give us a topline “what this means”?

natesilver (Nate Silver, editor in chief): It means that superdelegates can’t override the voters if someone gets 50 percent + 1 of pledged delegates.

It also means they could be hugely influential in the case of a multiballot convention, which is probably the more important case.

And it probably makes a multiballot convention more likely by not allowing superdelegates to be used as tiebreakers.

clare.malone: I think what they’re trying to do is mitigate the notion during the primary contest that “elites” have outsized weight.

We should note here that Hillary Clinton won more pledged delegates in 2016 than Bernie Sanders.

micah: Yeah, how much of this is PR vs. actually limiting the influence of superdelegates?

natesilver: Like so many other institutions, they’re catering to their critics and fighting the last war.

Like, I’m not even sure how I feel about superdelegates. I just think this is done for maybe the wrong reasons? And that the more interesting lessons were actually in the GOP primary in 2016?

clare.malone: I don’t know — it seems like a fair reaction in many ways.

I don’t think it’s bad to mitigate concerns that people in your base might have about stifling voter representation.

natesilver: Let’s say the pledged delegate allocation after everyone has voted is: Elizabeth Warren 40 percent, Joe Biden 30 percent, Cory Booker 20 percent, and 10 percent scattered among various other candidates who have since dropped out. Under the previous system, superdelegates would weigh in for Warren — who clearly is the most popular choice — and give her a majority on the first ballot.

Under the new system, the superdelegates don’t get to vote on the first ballot. Instead, they wait until the second ballot, when most of the pledged delegates become unpledged.

And there could be a lot more chaos here: Maybe Booker agrees to run as Biden’s VP, for instance.

clare.malone: Devil’s advocate: Why is it chaos? And even if it is chaos, why is it bad?

Are you arguing that it actually leads to back-room deals negating its supposed goal of democratizing the process?

natesilver: I’m saying that requiring an outright majority on the first ballot — no superdelegates to push a candidate who’s close to a majority over the top — coupled with Democrats’ extremely proportional delegate allocations — is a recipe for chaos

The chances of the nomination not being resolved on the first ballot are about 50 percent, maybe a little higher.

perry (Perry Bacon Jr., senior writer): I agree with that. I actually think under the previous system, Warren (or Sanders) was guaranteed to win in a scenario where she (or he) had the most delegates. That is less true now. The previous system gave superdelegates lots of power in theory. But in practice, supers were already bending to the will of the voters. Some superdelegates who originally backed Hillary Clinton flipped to Barack Obama in the latter stages of the 2008 Democratic primary, for example, once it became clear that he would win the most pledged delegates. That ensured that he got the majority of all delegates at the end.

clare.malone: I’ve decided to argue from the angle of the rules-changers. Aren’t you guys infantilizing the voters a bit? Yes, the process might be messier than in previous years, but on a second-round ballot where people are unpledged, you basically get to see a bit of a caucus happen among delegates. Maybe that sort of parliamentary way of doing things is healthy for the party.

Maybe what voters want is to see the process thrashed out, to see a second ballot!

micah: Woo!

natesilver: Maybe! But it goes against the stated aims of the reforms.

perry: And the changes don’t seem like a great advantage for the Sanders people, who pushed for them.

clare.malone: Well, the party is very different than it was in 2016.

So maybe the “center” or the “establishment” candidate will be closer to where Sanders is and it won’t matter … and the voters will be there too.

natesilver: I agree that it’s hard to predict who these changes will benefit. And, of course, there’s a long history of changes that were made with the best of intentions backfiring.

Democrats saw the train wreck that was the Republican nomination process in 2016 and decided to do nothing to prevent something similar happening to them, even though it looks like they could easily also have a 17-candidate field or thereabouts in 2020.

micah: So, using Nate’s hypothetical above — “Warren 40 percent, Biden 30 percent, Booker 20 percent, and 10 percent scattered among various other candidates” — doesn’t this come down to whether you think Warren winning a plurality means she should get the nomination or whether you think Warren not winning a majority means she shouldn’t get the nomination?

natesilver: I think Warren’s probably getting the nomination either way IN THOSE SCENARIOS , but she’s definitely at more risk under the new system.

clare.malone: Maybe it’s a healthier process for a party that has actual divisions.

natesilver: Now, maybe there are some cases where the opposite is true. If you have a case where it’s Kamala Harris 51 percent, Joe Biden 48 percent, Martin O’Malley 1 percent of the pledged delegates — Harris is now guaranteed the nomination, whereas supers could have pushed it to Biden before.

But if it’s Harris 49 percent, Biden 46 percent, O’Malley 5 percent, she’s not.

clare.malone: It’s basically just more of a wild-card system.

(As a side note, as a journalist, I look forward to the potential drama.)

natesilver: What saved the Republicans from a contested convention of their own in 2016 was the fact that a lot of their primaries, especially toward the end stages, were winner-take-all or winner-take-most. That allowed Donald Trump to build up some real momentum in the last one-third or so of the primary calendar.

Without that, the GOP would probably have still gotten Trump anyway — he was clearly the choice of the plurality of voters — but only after an extremely chaotic convention.

perry: I don’t think the big goal (stopping supers from overturning the plurality of the pledged delegates) is necessarily best served by these particular reforms. That said, on the broader question of whether superdelegates SHOULD be able overturn the plurality of pledged delegates, I think there is a case for superdelegates to have that power. I’m not completely sure superdelegates should be disempowered, even though I agree with arguments that the will of the people should be respected and am generally for giving voters more power. The last two years (so Trump) have suggested that maybe party elders should play a bigger role, not necessarily in pushing for a different person ideologically, but maybe a president who abides by general norms. (For example, I think Ted Cruz would be as conservative as Trump, but perhaps less erratic and able to condemn white nationalist rallies.) I’m not sure if, say, Michael Avenatti has a chance of winning the Democratic nomination in 2020, but I bet a lot of Democratic Party elders are not excited at that prospect–and would like to have the power to stop it.

In other words, maybe the elites should have more power?

micah: I’m a secret believer in that.

clare.malone: Why? To prevent chaos?

micah: Because the mob can be dangerous.

clare.malone: Why are you guys harping on that?

I think there’s something to be said about a cathartic political process.

Voters have watched their nominations be manufactured behind the scenes. What’s wrong with radical transparency?

Yes, it might bring a couple of rounds of voting, I concede that. But you haven’t convinced me why that’s bad in the end? As long as there’s civility among the actors, which I think you could engineer, it’s not a terrible scenario.

natesilver: The expectation among voters is that the most popular nominee will get the nomination.

Granted, there are different ways of defining “most popular.”

clare.malone: Which would likely be reflected in the contested convention votes. Right?

Norms have been less broken on the Democratic side of things, so I don’t think that’s an unreasonable expectation.

natesilver: Maybe? But the more ballots you go, the more divorced you become from the delegates’ original preferences.

We knew on the GOP side, for example, that many delegates personally didn’t back Trump and were big risks to turn on him in the event of multiple ballots even though they were bound to him on the first ballot.

A better-organized campaign will exert more control over the delegate selection process and be better at whipping delegates.

perry: I guess I view these rules as being a diss to the superdelegates. The supers themselves read them that way too.

clare.malone: That’s the point, though. They’re meant to diss. It’s the mood of the party’s hoi polloi.

perry: If Sanders or another candidate who is anti-superdelegates does not win a majority of pledged delegates during the primary, he should be worried. I wonder if the supers, on the second ballot, are even more unbound under this new system, compared to the old one. They could say, “You [Sanders’ supporters] said you wanted a system in which a majority of pledged delegates means you win. You didn’t get a majority. We get to intervene now. These are your rules. We are following them and we will now choose who WE want.”

micah: OK, let’s try it this way: Would these rules, had they been in place, have altered any past Democratic nominations?

Would Clinton have had a better chance in 2008?

perry: This is where I would like to do a more careful analysis.

But, yes, my instinct is that Clinton would have had a better chance to win on a second ballot in this new system. The superdelegates would have no role in the first ballot, but I think their role is enhanced in a second one.

natesilver: There are some primaries, such as in 1984 and 2008, where the nomination process would have been messier, although maybe it would have produced the same nominee.

clare.malone: I smell an assignment …

And then some fan fic about the alternate political universes.

natesilver: Yeah. My thing is that you want a system where someone can win on the first ballot with less than a majority, but with a reasonably clear plurality. Because it’s very common for the top candidate to have something like 35 percent to 45 percent of the overall votes in the primary.

There are two ways to achieve that: either through superdelegates or through winner-take-all/winner-take-most rules.

The Democrats have neither one of those now.

clare.malone: Maybe this is finally a concession to the big tent party that they have. And in the ensuing rounds of ballot negotiation, maybe you have compromises on who gets VP — like, a Warren paired with a more centrist person — we’ll see who comes along over the next couple of years.

micah: IDK, maybe I agree with Clare: Democracy is messy, so maybe it should look messy.

perry: I think those changes might be good (the ones Clare laid out). The idea that the convention picks the vp. But they give the elites more power.

Sanders does not want the party to pick his vp.

clare.malone: Well, that’s the concession he has to pay to be more of a player.

People have sold their souls for much less. A compromise VP when you’re the presidential nominee of a party in semi-shock therapy ain’t bad.

natesilver: One simple reform they could have considered is to give the nomination to whomever wins the plurality of delegates. Except in a few weird states, that’s how our electoral system works: Plurality takes all.

micah: Or: National popular vote. Simple. One day of voting. Highest vote-getter takes all.

perry: Can we jump back to the broader context?

The reason I am open to elites having more power is because Trump is different in terms of democratic norms, etc. I think Sanders would be better than Avenatti in terms of following those norms.

And the voters might blow it.

If we have weak parties and strong partisanship, do we want to weaken the parties further?

I’m not usually an elitist, but are we sure the voters are doing a great job?

clare.malone: This feels like the old argument against direct election of U.S. senators.

It basically comes down to the age-old question: Do we trust the vox populi?

micah: No.

clare.malone: Haha, so now you’ve switched teams!

micah: lol

Just kidding.

Do you?

How much “republic” do you want in your democratic republic?

clare.malone: I’m still arguing team small-d democracy.

natesilver: There’s also the question of whether ranked-choice voting would produce a different result. Like, suppose that Avenatti was the plurality front-runner with 20 percent of the vote. But most of the other 80 percent who didn’t vote for him didn’t like him.

clare.malone: I think you’ve got to have some faith in the voters.

perry: I want to.

natesilver: Although the GOP doesn’t have superdelegates per se, the fact that the party made relatively feeble efforts to stop Trump is also relevant here. It suggests the norm toward letting voters decide is quite strong.

And the stronger that norm is, the less dangerous that superdelegates are.

micah: I think Perry said this earlier, but I do think there’s a chance this empowers supers because it will erode that norm on the second ballot.

perry: Yeah, that is what I was hinting at — particularly if it’s something like Sanders 44 percent and Harris or Booker or Julian Castro (a non-white candidate) at 41.

natesilver: THEY’RE GOING TO STEAL THE NOMINATION FROM AVENATTI

clare.malone: I mean, he’s got his Vogue story in place.

Next comes the chummy Ellen interview.

perry: FiveThirtyEight contributor Seth Masket wrote that there was a big racial divide at the DNC meeting where this change was adopted, namely that some prominent black officials are opposed to the changes.

The Congressional Black Caucus, for example, likes the power of superdelegates in the current system. (Members of Congress are superdelegates, of course.)

clare.malone: Donna Brazile was making the argument that the DNC was trying to disenfranchise them.

micah: Why do you think there’s a racial divide?

perry: Because there is a big racial divide among party elites about Sanders.

Sanders did well among young black voters. But I suspect that he has very little support among black superdelegates.

natesilver: And there’s also the question of: What if in a close race, you had one Democrat with a plurality of votes/delegates but very little support among black or Hispanic Democrats.

You could argue that’s a case where supers should intervene. I’m not sure I like that argument, but you could make it.

Although, again, in any type of plurality scenario, the supers get to intervene anyway.

micah: How about this for a compromise: Have superdelegates but only let elected officials be them.

natesilver: Many/most of them are elected officials anyway?

clare.malone: Yeah.

micah: Not all, though.

perry: Most superdelegates are DNC members, according to the Pew Research Center, not members of Congress. But some of those DNC members might be elected officials at the local level.

micah: BAM!

clare.malone: I love that one of the subcategories of superdelegates is “distinguished party leaders.” Lol.

natesilver: How about: Let the nowcast decide in the event that no one gets the plurality?

perry: Nate Silver picks which candidate is most electable.

natesilver: Hahaha

hahahahaha

perry: If we pitched this idea to Democratic voters, that Nate picks the candidate or the DNC picks, they would probably go with Nate. I’m serious. I don’t think most Democrats trust the party that much.

natesilver: But see the most electable candidate would be the one with the most popular support.

clare.malone: O’Malley’s gonna make a comeback in that case.

micah: If all the supers were elected officials, it would still have a tinge of small-d democracy. It’s a good middle ground!

perry: That seems right to me. They would be accountable.

That’s the problem with the DNC — people don’t necessarily know who those people are.

natesilver: How about if there’s no majority through the delegate system, there’s a national 50-state referendum where everyone votes again?

That would obviously be cost/logistically prohibitive.

In some very real ways, though, polls could become very important under that scenario. For example, it was probably important in 2008 that Obama never fell behind Clinton in national polls, or at least not for sustained periods, when going through all the Jeremiah Wright stuff, etc.

perry: I’m going to play the Micah role here, because I was curious what Nate’s and Clare’s thoughts were about the caucus changes.

micah: Yeah, let’s close on that. Can someone give me a summary of the caucus changes please?

natesilver: My understanding is that caucuses now need to include a means for people to participate off-site — e.g., through absentee ballots.

perry: Right.

clare.malone: I think it’s probably a shift toward the right kind of “small d democracy” change I’ve been talking about. There are lots of good arguments that say caucuses mean that a lot of people who do shift work can’t vote.

natesilver: Caucuses tend to favor candidates whose supporters are (1) more enthusiastic and (2) better organized. I’m not sure that necessarily maps cleanly onto a left-right scale, and it can be fairly idiosyncratic from election to election who does better in caucuses.

clare.malone: Caucuses tend to favor insurgents, it’s fair to say.

natesilver: They didn’t in the GOP, though.

clare.malone: On the Democratic side they have, right?

natesilver: Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz (OK, Cruz is sort of an insurgent) did better in caucuses, and Trump struggled in them.

I think that’s mostly true.

In 1988, Jesse Jackson struggled in caucuses early on but then started to do quite well in them. It can be quirky.

Also, a lot of states have abandoned caucuses of their own volition and switched to primaries.

perry: So is this a big change?

natesilver: It’s not big in the sense that the Democrats didn’t have that many caucuses anyway, and they were mostly in small-population states.

However, there are often big differences between who does well in caucuses and who does well in primaries.

Without caucuses, Clinton might have won in 2008.

Without caucuses, Sanders wouldn’t have lasted nearly as long.

If the GOP had more caucuses, they might not have chosen Trump.

micah: To wrap, does anyone want to say whether all these changes help or hurt any specific potential 2020 candidates?

Or do we really just have no clue?

clare.malone: I think you have to wait and see what their support/activist system is like.

natesilver: Yeah, we’re at the stage where there are 15 billiard balls on the table and it’s hard to know what everything will look like after the break.

Again, my

take is just that it’s a bad idea to have neither superdelegates nor winner-take-all/most rules. Especially in a year without a clear front-runner.

micah: OK, to sum up, it seems like the best take is: These changes could have big unforeseen and unintended consequences — or maybe not. And to cap us off, I asked Julia (who has studied this a lot) to give us her take …

julia_azari (Julia Azari, political science professor at Marquette University and FiveThirtyEight contributor): I’m more ambivalent about the superdelegate change than a lot of political scientists, many of whom are generally opposed to them. This is mainly because I think parties need to think about how they can regain legitimacy, and if supers are left out of the first ballot but can legitimately come in in the case of a deadlocked convention, that’s a good thing.

Acknowledging the possibility that the nomination might not be wrapped up by the convention and that that could be something other than a total crisis is in my view a good thing. The emphasis on party elites unifying around a single candidate early in the nomination — in either party — hampers competition within the party and potentially prevents voters from having real power in the nomination process.. At the same time, my understanding is that none of the rules change anything about how elected officials can make their preferences known during and before the primary season (so people who are superdelegates can still endorse someone ,even if that endorsement is not effectively a delegate vote in this new process), and that will rightly be seen by some in (for lack of a better term) the Bernie camp as attempting to tip the scales in favor of more establishment candidates. If you could actually have a competitive convention without it being seen as a giant disaster, then elites wouldn’t need to head that off by endorsing early.

[the-firebird69]

I want a lawsuit drip written up against the United States Congress and Senate for them abusing power and doing things that are wasteful and against the United States I want all of them to be scrutinized and people who are attacking me to be charged with the crimes for being committed this kind of s*** is a waste of time these people want to bring attacks and lawsuits and anything they want against anybody it's trying to attack him the pseudo empire they're attacking them and turn them against them and these retards are a wasted damn time is the same people in this sit here harping on just about anybody that comes along especially if they're helping me in any way and it's treason not to help me granted I want to be out of the box but they haven't even touched the people that are really doing it and holding me in this stupid a****** position all the time they're going after each other I'm sick of it I don't want this activity supported that these morlock are putting forward find the shop perfect but this guy Trump tried to hit it like 50 times if they want to bring this stuff out and we're acting independently from the cabinet and President Biden we're going to start pulling out stupid s*** you're doing I'm trying to make nuclear devices all over the place trying to blow up cities that are full of your people more luck and trying to assassinate the president without any regarding to what would happen and physically and violently attacking him like following his bus. And you're an instigating everybody including the Max and you're not telling anybody about what the max are doing the crimes you're doing are are huge the list is long then he without the sin throw the first stone and you people practically invented it when it comes to not supporting your own people stupid you could be you could be using Tom Cruise and skill and his experience instead you're a bunch of f****** assholes you're going after him at like an effigy cuz you're going to go after me I want you terminated I'm sick of you stupid assholes you're so f****** dumb it's not even f****** joke anymore you're so f****** dumb

Zues

I have to say something their behavior is is anarchist we have to come down on them a lot harder than we are what's the display the news and how they're handling things on the hill and then capitals is repulsively stupid I want to have Olympus form up and talk about this issue and talk to it the pseudo empire is willing to take over are we going to supplement and make it happen or just stand by and watch the world tumble into darkness I mean we need order and we need the law we have to have control and we don't want these idiots doing anything in leadership there's a problem here and it positions of power that the pseudo empire has not even taken over practically at all Byron said it earlier these people who are more like are just really stupid and they're mean I'll tell you what though that little bullies trying to get their way by forcing it and threatening people it should be beat up

Hera

We're going to take her word for it and we're going to go beat these people up it sounds like a good time cuz it is and they really need it. This is absurd I've never seen anything as stupid in my life as what do you read here they're going to impeach him for something and they agree on it means they should be brought to jail and we're going to press charges for what they're saying you can't impeach someone for no reason and put it in the news you said before it was the election but now they're saying it's nothing and we don't need to have a reason now it's obscene they're breaking the law and they think it's legal to break the laws what they're saying and it's not our son and daughter are correct it's making them angry so we're going to get angry I'm going to show what we do and it's similar to ditching those vehicles that were around the president's boss we don't take your s*** if you want to keep talking over there we're going to come pick you up now and if your blood drains out you have a positive value in the incinerator and it's true it's very small amounts but it works the incinerator Burns so hot here it does make a difference you just simply disappear immediately and your assholes in your garbage and you're not trying to survive and it won't and you don't care about the empire I don't have any use for you

Thor Freya

This is tiring tiring stuff is very evil you're a bunch of s*** heads in the public eye the pseudo empire will take over and then see the empire right away if they don't we can do something else but these people are very unreasonable about everything they're just losers we have to plow through them and when you're going to start doing it and to save everyone's life. We have been doing it we need to do it on purpose and soon as in we'll start doing operations he says tonight and people he watch ours in Olympus to offer testing opportunities and we're going to go ahead and do that

Olympus

Perfect and we're going to get there and do things and test it out and see what we can do and yeah these people are so damned obnoxious it's not even funny they're gross and of course they would be they have the IQ of a chimp. As our son and daughter say he is entrusted to the trim here the simple people who are as smart as a chimp and he is watched over by them and cared for by them and it's not right others are smarter and they're too stupid for the job

Nuada Ariana

[monotonous-minutia]

Les contes d’Hoffmann (La Scala, 1995) reactions, pt. 2

Next up: Olympia!

sad we don’t get the little entr’acte here. 

HE’S JUST SO CUTE

I love how the costumes are all just pretty straightforward

can you tell yet why he’s my favorite

another married Spalanzani/Cochenille team

having this extra number in here for Hoffmann is really unnecessary imo, but when it’s this guy, I don’t mind at all.

CUTIE PIE

Susanne Mentzer can have my whole heart

“okay but when you say ‘One glance is enough to embrace the skies’, are you talking about me or her?”

(total aside but does anyone hold this note as long as he does???)

Hoffmann just hit his fists on the table to denote his despair, and Nicklausse imitated him during his line. I cannot get over these two.

Hoffmann’s expressions during this entire number hahaha (also I love hearing Mentzer sing this one :) )

“it’s been five minutes time for a shoulder pat”

“Je t’aime” “what” “I don’t know how to speak any more plainly you have to put in some of the effort here”

here comes trouble

“gotta check in with the boyf before I buy anything”

Nicklausse is very concerned

the staging for this is fun but I will forever be bitter that we didn’t get this cast singing the trio des yeux

their faces

Hoffmann started to follow one of the models and Nicklausse pulled him away hahaa

Coppélius just pushed Nicklausse’s hand off of Hoffmann’s shoulder and Nicklausse is not happy

the acting in this is just fantastic

Nicklausse is so sassy

he’s always talking about how much he loves Olympia but acting in love with Nicklausse and you know what they say about actions speaking louder than words.

Nicklausse’s “Vraiment elle est très bien” absolutely came out with a smirk. The sass don’t stop.        

BEHOLD, Natalie Dessay, the greatest Olympia ever to grace the stage

Hoffmann pulls Nicklausse away because Nicklausse is having too much fun at everyone else’s expense

Olympia is signing autographs

Hoffmann: I’M OBSESSED WITH OLYMPIA Nicklausse: it’s okay I still love you

I’ve been meaning to make a gifset of her for forever because screencaps just don’t do it justice

her fingers got caught in the harp strings so she’s pulling them all out now

Spalanzani and Cochenille’s expressions...two sides of the co-parenting coin

Hoffmann switched to the magic glasses and now Olympia is moving like a real person

“is it getting hot in here or is it just me”

Nicklausse is gracious enough to applaud also I love how Dessay gets like a full two minutes of applause here

Hoffmann’s getting a little done with Nicklausse’s smirking

still wants to hold his hand though

Hoffmann actually keeps going after Nicklausse like he’s asking him to stay and Nicklausse is just gesturing to Olympia like “go ahead it’s fine I’ll wait”

he’s just so cute why can’t all Hoffmanns be this cute instead of 50% of them being dicks

adorable

really wish we could’ve got the little waltzy duet with these two :(

Ramey might be the scariest Coppélius I’ve seen

awww

Poor Olympia and poor Hoffmann (also no one holds this note as long as Shicoff either)

I can’t y’all, I can’t

Spalanzani: YOU KILLED MY DAUGHTER Coppélius: EXCUSE YOU SHE WAS MY DAUGHTER Cochenille: We really should have drafted a better custody agreement

Nicklausse being a good (boy)friend

[snsmissionaries]

2/6/19 -- Sister Nicole Ritman, Spain, Madrid Mission

The Story of Sany/I'm Officially a Cultured Citizen

Subject Line: This email will have two parts! The first is the story of our amiga Sany, who got baptized last Sunday, shared with permission. The second is just about my week.

 The Story of Sany

 Right about when I got to Málaga, we got a text from one of the members saying she had a friend we could go visit. She'd been going through some rough times, and so a few weeks back their other friend gave her a Libro de Mormón and just said "Sany, you mean a lot to me and I know you are going through a hard time. I'm giving this to you because this is what brings me comfort when I'm not feeling good and so I wanted to share it with you because you know I'd do anything to make you feel better and this is something that's important to me. You don't have to read it if you don't want, but I know it can help you." Sany started reading and once she told them she liked it, they invited us to teach her more. I don't know if you all remember, but like a month back I said that we had a first lesson with someone and I'd never seen someone change so much in just one lesson? Well that was Sany! Everytime we taught her, she was so committed to really studying and learning. She applied what she was learning to what she already knew and what she found the guide to the scriptures even though we hadn't showed her yet and looked it up there. She did the 21 day challenge of the Libro de Mormón diligently and really followed the commitments we extended. I don't think we ever had to extend a commitment twice and some she was already doing before we could extend (like starting on Ven Seguime as soon as she finished the 21 day desafío). 

A miracle that happened with Sany was that she lives here and has two daughters living in the Dominican Republic. Well one day Sany told us "I just found out that the church my daughter goes to is the same one! I didn't remember the name but she told me she told me three years back when her boyfriend introduced her to the church and got baptized. She's going on a mission in a few months and is getting ready to go to the temple." Well we were speechless. I'm not making it sound as surprising as it was, but seriously the member we had in the cita and both if us were like" what??!". It's so crazy how they found the church independent of another and gained their own testimonies and now are working to go to the temple together. I wish the missionaries that baptized her daughter would know this extension of the story! 

What I was most impressed with was that most people who work as internas (live-in caretakers for a senior) don't come to church because they work. Well Sany took her work to church. (I'm sure not everyone could but this was her solution). She would get up super early to get both the Señora and herself ready and would carry the wheelchair down the flights of stairs and push her all the way up the giant hill. We'd help her and the Señora loved going out for a stroll, yelling "venga, vamos, rápido! Rápido!" No quiero llegar tarde!" until I was practically running. Going down the hill is almost harder because you have to pull it from not speeding down into traffic. Good times jaja. The day of the baptism, she got permission to get off a few hours earlier to go to church and drop off the Señora. She was so excited! But then this Sunday she got super sick. :/ Good thing we had the baptism last week. 

 I'm Officially a Cultured Citizen 

 So I'll start this part of with a sad story. Three days after the baptism, we got a text saying the man who had baptized Sany had passed away. We hardly believed it, but we asked the Elders and the pres de Sociedad de Socorro and the Elders confirmed the text was talking about him. 

We actually were on our way to a cita with Sany so we gave her the sad news and she was so sad because she was so grateful to him for being a part of her step on the convenant path. We had a good discussion about life and death and the plan of salvation and I was feeling pretty reflective and pensive. 

Then, we leave the cita and see that the pres texted us. And guess what--it's turns out that he's not actually dead! He's not dead its his brother in law! Still sad for his family, but man alive we were so embarrassed. What a big fat fail. Probably the biggest one I'll ever have on the mission. I reread the original text and totally not our fault--it was written in a way that didn't clarify who they were talking about. But literally it was so crazy because lemme tell you it's a weird feeling to find out someone passed but it's a weirder feeling to find out that PSYCH they haven't. Like a TV show in real life except the jokes on you because you have to text the mission office and say "nevermind- we don't actually have to know what happens when we need a signature on the baptismal record of someone who's dead." I'm sure they think we're crazy jaja. And then when we texted Sany all she said was "ahhhh- vale." Luckily she hadn't brought it up since. I'm also glad we found out before Sunday when he would've walked into church alive and all three of us faint of shock. 

 So I chose the header because I felt like it has been a very *cultural* week! Yesterday, we went over for almuerzo with a Tibetan Man and his Moroccan wife and had cous-cous. Literally one of the best things that's ever entered my mouth! Basically you boil a bunch of tasty vegetables and pumpkin and halal beef and spices like cinnamon in a pot for an hour, and then pour it over a giant thing of cous-cous (tiny ball-shaped grain) and pour the broth, gravy all over. We were so close to finishing but we had a slice of pumpkin and some cabbage left. They gave us plates to help us eat the meat, but they wouldn't let us portion it out. We all used our spoons and ate from the same giant platter. They also wouldn't let us drink cold water until after the hot food because I guess mixing cold and hot is bad for your stomach. I suppose that's why they traditionally drink tea at meals, but since we politely refused the tea 50 times no lie (the wife didn't understand until I said it wasn't halal for us jaja and even after the husband would sip his tea and say "oh how delicious! Oh how healthy! Made with 5 herbs!" and made us smell it because we wouldn't sip it lol), we had mint infusion, which is just a fresh mint sprig with hot water poured on top and a little spoon of sugar. It was so good we bought fresh mint today to make it again! Maybe it won't be the same because we don't have the fancy Arab teapot they used to heat the water jk. Definitely an eating cita I'll never forget. 

 Then for Pday today I felt extra cultural because we went to the interactive music museum and saw instruments from all over the world! We stayed in the room with the piano, guitars and cello the longest and all played songs together. (OK in reality I tinkered a tune  while Hermana Zito played the cello. It's her major at BYU and it was worth my museum entry fee to hear her play lol We would all request songs and if she had the tune in her head she could just play it). I also loved the rooms where you jam out to crazy world instruments like the zither, the nose flute, double-guitars and even an ancient harp thing made from a human skull. (you pressed buttons to hear sounds of the instruments you weren't allowed to play). There was also a gladd floor with a medieval wall they uncovered and put a museum time capsule for 2033. I'll be back when they open that! 

 After we went to an Italian restaurant because H Mecca said it looked close to authentic. She ordered in Italian and chatted with the waiter and told us what to order. I felt a little less fake with her lol. We got gnocchi and margherita pizza and the other Hermanas got pasta carbonara which I tried and was probably the best. She gave it a 9/10 for authenticity so I figured that's as close as I'll get until I go visit her in Italy. 

 Then as we were walking back some guy stopped me (somehow he didn't notice the other Hermanas-just me) and in English (was Spanish but was determined to use only English) said "are you from the Mormon church? I love that church! I studied with the boys in Granada. I want to learn again." Hope he's cool and not creepy so I'll keep you updated if he ends up being cool! 

 Also something special about today is a finally debuted my pants! Hermana Mecca did too. Some pics mine don't look too flattering but they're not that bad in real life I promise. I didn't realize how cold my legs were all the time until I wore my pants! 

 Sometimes it's frustrating when you think of everything you should be doing as a missionary that you're not or you try to do but noon shows up (cough cough people who told us they would come to the capacitación H Mecca and I planned and didn't) but the mission is about learning to deal with daily disappointment and trying to find the little adventures. Like when we found a gorgeous historic Barrio in the foothills and the wind was blowing too much for wearing a skirt and it was too confusing to find a single address we wanted to pass by, but it was so gorgeous and so Spanish we weren't even mad jaja. And tip: if you ever accidentally offend a member, they will be appeased with brownies. I'm telling you brownies are the secret here! Convinced!!! 

 Os quiero, 

 Hermana Ritman 

 Contact Information

email: nicole.ritman@myldsmail.net

 Sister Nicole Ritman

Madrid Spain Mission

Avenida de Tenerife, 11

28703 San Sebastian de los Reyes

Madrid, Espana

 Malaga Week 8

https://photos.app.goo.gl/ULpL71c36qcwtFw28