#all my old friends suck anyway. my two irls are the only good people i have. and they graduated

[mayonakano-archive]

.

[fayesdiary]

oh you found a really good FE ask list, but since it would be a bit crazy to ask for every question let's go with...13, 24, 25, 31, and 37

Thanks Lore, made it myself😂

13) What do you like most about Fire Emblem?

Oh, that's... suprisingly hard to say because Fire Emblem's one of those series who's more than the sum of its parts.

But then again, I think I'd say the fandom. Or at least the niche circle I found here on Tumblr.

I found a lot of new friends here and really helped me open up at least in this space online wish i'd work irl too, but most of all... this series really opened my creativity in a way that no other piece of media ever did. Something about it feels... really approachable from a transformative standpoint.

Thanks to it I opened this blog, which led me to make lots of new friends (love you Lore btw <3), made some essays and thought pieces and most of all, I wrote fanfiction and art! Two things I always thought I was too talentless to make! And no matter what, Ill always be grateful to this franchise for me, despite how much the mainstream fandom sucks ass. Fuck 'em anyway, ignored them ever since before 3H release.

Speaking of this franchise inspiring creatvity, I always admired from afar the lovely folks at Feuniverse. The amount of hacks and fangames is astounding and I can't believe how many people made straight up fully fledged games from hacks! Maybe one day I will join her if I ever feel motivated enough. Maybe. I want to play more hacks at the very least, especially because FEE3 is one of my favorite fan events.

24) An FE title you wish would be remade?

Geneaology would be the obvious answer and don't get me wrong, I absolutely do want to see it remade and believe it inevitably will one day...

But if I have to be honest I want a rerelease of the Tellius games first because they're the hardest to play even through... illegitimate means if you're say, like me and only have an old laptop to emulate them with. Whether they'd be remakes or simple remasters, I don't really care as long as they play as they should.

25) Any general or specific headcanons you have?

Dragons have a lifespan of 100 times that of the humans.

It's never stated how much longer dragons live compared to humans, but given that Tiki is 1000 years old as a child and 3000 as an adult, i find the 100x multiplier fits really well and helps keep track of dragons' age more clearly, even if Fòdlan and Elyos dragons do seem to live longer than even that.

So by that logic in dragon years, Tiki is 10 in Shadow Dragon and in her thirties in Awakening, Nowi is 12 and Myrrh is 14.

Doesn't completely fit, but it sure helps visualize things more clearly.

31) Some moments of Fire Emblem you keep thinking of?

Speaking of the new things, um, the Twisted Joke, Engage ch11 and 17, most of the Engage endgame really. And Slayde bravely taking on a bunch of children in the Echoes prologue traumatizing the shit out of them and still getting his ass kicked (by Mycen, but still)

37) What's a weird theory or headcanon you have?

Rhea copes with her daily life through recreational drug use given that quest where she gives weed herbs to distressed students

[holyalto]

♡ A Sims Tag! ♡

This is from ALMOST a year ago. I seen it in my drafts so it's getting posted NOW because I'm finally playing the sims again lol.

Show us a rendition of yourself in your own art! Can be anything! Sims render? Random stick figure? Picrew? Go nuts! (Just be sure to tag the artist if you use someone else’s picrew!!!!) Tag the blogs you want to know, and don’t be a dick that’s it! Also, feel free to answer as vague or in-depth as you want. And if you don’t want to answer a question for any reason just don’t vibe with it! Skip it if you wanna!

(original tag by morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy and the original post is here. i was tagged by cosmiksims, thank you!!)

1.) Do you prefer to be referred by your name or blog name?

either one is fine with me! i go by my nickname on here anyway. my full name is mercedes. :)

2.) Where are you from?

ohio. i have never tasted anything except corn and chocolate covered blobs of peanut butter in my life. someone please help me.

3.) Do you have pets? 👀

yes! my fiance and i have quite a few. we have a cat named tiramisu, a guinea pig named cookie, a bearded dragon named borris, a leopard gecko named anubi and a florida king snake that i call roach because i can't pronounce his real name <3 (and i don't like him rip)

4.) Tell us about your “dream.”

i just want to be a good mother, partner, friend, family member, stranger. that's it. i know it's very simplistic but that's my dream. i want to be a good person.

5.) Aside from art, what are your hobbies?

my 'art' is playing the sims apparently hahahaha. uhm, i like other video games as well. more simulation management style. things like software inc, jurassic world evolution, project highrise, tropico, ANIMAL CROSSING EEEEE, etc.

6.) Does anyone irl know about your blog?

my fiance! he called my bee legacy 'fan fiction' and i nearly died.

7.) Do you know anyone from your blog irl?

nope.

8.) What are some fun facts about you?

i own every animal crossing main game. i still play pokemon go everyday. i have a six month old son who is VERY cute. and i'm turning 22 next month.

9.) What’s your day job?

i'm a stay at home mom :)

10.) What’s your aesthetic?

uh!! next question because i'm just... slob trait lmao

11.) What kind of artist are you?

i actually went to graphic design school. college sucks hard when you're mentally ill tho lol

12.) How did you get into your form of art?

art - wattpad. i was 12 and started making book covers for people haha. i got really into photo manipulation after that and took that as my focus in vocational school and then went and did about two semesters of it in college. sims - i was 11 and wanted the paranormal pack. my mom went out and bought it for me because i begged for it for days. i played with it daily and eventually collected all of the sims 3 packs except for the last one. it took me a long time to switch to sims 4 after release because i was stubborn. i bought it like four months late, opened it twice, hated that i didn't understand the controls, and refused to play it again until a few months later.

13.) What do you watch/listen/read/anything else while you create?

youtube mostly, in the background. a lot of flabaliki/simssupply and buzzfeed unsolved because i love them and their dumb faces so much.

14.) What meme would you use to describe yourself?

probably the 'not a thought behind those eyes' tiktok audio

15.) If you were on the run, what would you change your name to?

why would i just give away information i may need in the future

16.) Have you ever or do you want to change blog names?

yes! i want to but i have some cc that uses that name. so i'll stick with it.

17.) God forbid Tumblr decides to pull a MySpace and lets us have page songs, what song would you choose?

i would simply delete my blog.

and now, the tags. only if you’re comfortable though! ♡ just tagging the people i see most in my notifications. don't feel pressured <3 @almost-spring @coatedinhoney @whyhellosims + absolutely anyone else. just say i tagged you.

[eddiemunsn]

screaming at the other anon coming out here with the antisemitism fuck off

Anyways: yeahhhh I just found out TLOU has ties to zionist views and I guess the creator was- idk if Pedro is under contract but I do think it would be weird to suddenly talk about it and then everyone point out one of his projects was supposed Zionist propaganda. But also, u are so right about people waving money etc

There was a study done once that showed impoverished people are more likely to give money over those who have money because they know what it is like to go without and don't want others to.

I also know I get so busy I literally don't pay attention to anything or anyone else, and depressed and anxious about politics. I tend to just focus on the immediate in my life, but cmon....at some point you hear SOMETHING

My friend irl shared something at the start she believed was true and once finding out it was propaganda, deleted it and has shared actual facts about the war. She feels absolutely gutted about it. But it was ignorance and I've told her its okay- she has TRIED to make things better.

And yeah if DJO suddenly posted I'd feel it be performative af because like u never have before and if u don't do it again....don't profit off this ya know?

Which again makes me think of that other band and pisses me off more lmaoooo

its seriously pathetic how all these little bitch ass zionists try to defend themselves. its pathetic but also very humorous to see them try so hard to be edgy and do those stupid "gotcha" moments. like.....literally go eat the dirty shitty ass of satanyahu himself. im sure he'd love it, and then maybe they can hold hands and drink their shitty burnt coffee as they happily commit genocide and finger each other's assholes.

that study doesn't surprise me at all. people of less privilege/power/etc.. absolutely are more likely to care about other human beings period. literally the only people i don't care about are politicians and rich people. and even then, i think they deserve free healthcare and access to food and clean water.

and oof, it's rough being aware that you've actively spread propaganda unknowingly. i think one of the only reasons that shit never worked on me was my very jewish grandma who always shit talked israel and stupid ugly bibi, so shout out to that old lady. i've only talked to two of my friends about this because i know the other few aren't usually as involved and active in politics/human rights. its not that they don't believe in that stuff, it's just not something they post about or talk about, or even just aren't informed about because of some reason or another. which sucks and doesn't feel good, because i'd love to have some friends to go to protests with and such. but thats life i suppose. though some of my coworkers are pretty passionate about it so it's nice to go to work to be around others i know feel the same way that i do.

[sunflowerdaisybee]

so can I request a fic irl where m!reader is has scars all over him and they make him scary. People atarted to bully him in donos. And dream team feels kind of bad so they hype him up and stuff.

!Warning!: Negative talk of scars! I just wanna say that if anyone out there has scars, of any kind, you are so amazing and I love you, ok moving on this was really cute and I hope you enjoy <3

Summary: Your besties got your back

Pairing: P!Dream Team X Reader

Pronouns: He/him

[A/n]: Requests are closed, please check back later <3

“You shouldn’t just show off your scars like that, someone could get triggered.”

“I would run away if I saw you in public.”

“You’re too scary, you’ll never make any friends looking like that.”

“You look like you would rob an innocent old lady for fun.”

“I’d probably cry if I saw you in public.”

“You should cover your scars, it’s not something to be proud of.” You had been listening to their onslaught of insults all night. Usually, they weren’t this bad, it would be just one or two assholes who would give up when they didn’t get a reaction from you. But tonight it had been several people all just sending in constant messages, trying to get under your skin and to rile you up. It was working.

They wouldn’t rile you up or get you angry, but they were getting under your skin, their hurtful words digging into you and making their way to your heart.

You tried to brush them off, focusing on the game, but their words kept distracting you, causing you to mess up quite a bit.

“You should turn off your face cam if you plan on looking like that all the time.” You didn’t even acknowledge the comment, just focused more on the game. It wasn’t until you saw a message pop up in discord saying to mute and turn your mic off for a second that you turned away from the game.

“Uh hold on guys, someone messaged me and needs to talk to me.” You didn’t specify who, they didn’t need to know, but you did as asked anyways. Turning off your camera and muting your mic, stream couldn’t see or hear anything. Also immediately a call popped up, it was in the group chat with you, Sapnap, George, and Dream.

“Hello?” You joined, immediately noticing all three men in the call.

“Hey handsome, how’s the stream going?” Did he just call you handsome?

“It’s going good, just playing a game and sucking ass, as per usual.” You chuckled, as did the boys, and asked how they had been.

“Well, I’m better now that you’re here.” You continue playful talk with the three boys for a moment, only looking over to your stream when you noticed a sudden stop to the flow of rude messages.

Your confusion must’ve been visible to the three boys as George was quick to clarify what was happening.

“Dream went and banned all the people who were saying rude things, he planned to stay on and ban people until you finished streaming.”

“I- You don’t have to do that.”

“No, but I’m going to anyway.”

“Ok, but why?”

“Cause you don’t deserve to hear those things, I mean c’mon look at you. You’re fucking amazing dude.”

“You have an amazing sense of fashion like I wished I dressed that cool, and you look like a total badass.”

“The only thing I’d be afraid of is you stealing my partner, and I wouldn’t blame them.”

“Screw partners, steal me.” You all laughed at the joke, your confidence raising just a bit.

“Thanks guys.”

“Shush, we aren’t done.”

“You are the sexiest motherfucker I know, like god damn, how are you so hot?”

“Don’t you ever talk down to yourself because you are a fucking god, like how is it possible for you to be real?”

“Oh, he’s real, really fucking hot!” Once again, you all laughed.

“Are you guys done now? My stream is waiting for me.”

“You can go back to your stream, but we’re staying on call with you and Dream is gonna stick around to ban anyone who needs to be banned.”

“Ok, and thanks. I really needed that.”

“You’re welcome, and everything we said is true, just wanted to remind you.”

“Now go you sexy beast, your fans are waiting!”

Taglist: @joyfullymulti @minty-ghast @rokkyy

[eunoiamaybe]

my “sort-of-complete” online classes and exams tips

This is a longer-than-usual post with tips for the 3 stages of online classes: focusing during an online class session, reviewing/studying for online classes, and preparing for online exams/ quizzes. So I decided to insert the “Read More” link to (a) not take up too much space on your dash, and (b) feel more confident in adding more tips as time goes on.

These are tips that I’ve compiled from my experience of taking online classes during my last 1.5 years at university. But having all of your courses moved online is so much more complicated. Since I’m currently doing an internship, I have tried my best to produce this post based on the comments of my friends IRL and on Tumblr (hence the “my”). However, I hope it can still be useful for you and many who were all abruptly put in this same situation.

So feel free to share your own tips and experience! I will probably go back to this once in a while to make some changes to it and add your tips. Good luck to everyone who is currently/ about to take online classes. You are almost there! 🍀 I believe in every single one of you!

~  Click away for them tips   ~

💻 DURING ONLINE CLASS SESSIONS:

- try to treat online classes the same as an in-person class, especially time-wise (set a specific time for each class and plan your own class schedule. even better, study for your classes at the same time they used to be held. this will create a sense of routine and trigger the brain's normal reactions to your usual class - which is to study)

- don’t be afraid to fix your plan/ schedule (aka don’t force yourself into one if it doesn’t work for you) (trials and errors, my friend. this applies to plans too. there’s no shame in not being able to keep up with the schedule you’ve made. if you’ve tried or if it hurts you mentally or physically, then that schedule is just not the one for you. everybody has their unique strengths and weaknesses. one’s perfect system might not suit another. finding a system that works for you takes time, patience, and courage. but it will be absolutely worth it)

- find a good spot with enough light and stable wifi (if you have multiple options, select the one that would make you most comfortable, most focused, and confident enough to take online tests/quizzes/exams at - create your “exam space” in advance to reduce the anxiety of tests and unfamiliarity)

- study at a desk, if possible (studying at a desk, with good posture, mimics the feeling of being in a classroom or the library. thus, it will create a sense of routine and help you focus better)  

- accommodate yourself (I’m all about making the best out of a bad situation, and this is one way to do it.  accommodate yourself, not just with comfort, but also with actual necessities that you cannot usually get in your usual classroom/library due to whatever reason. stress balls, stim toys, positivity cards, calming music/candles. comforting plushies. chewing gum. as long as it helps you focus better, it's on the table)

- get dressed (this will bring out that sense of structure and routine that you need. put on your normal outfits, uniforms and even perfume. trick your mind into being focused)

- minimize distractions (declutter your study space. put your phone out of reach. turn off notifications. close all other tabs on your browser. select non-distracting music/ sounds. don’t spam or pay attention to spams in your classes’ chatboxes. only bring along items that are absolutely vital to your focus)

- take notes, even if you can record your lessons and/or access the lessons later (it can either be digital notes or handwritten notes on paper - your call. this will force you to focus and prevent you from zoning out/ being distracted)

- be actively engaged in the lecture (if there are technical problems or if you have questions, chatbox away. this is also good practice for people with social anxiety too: the fact that you are in your home and behind the screen can make it easier for you to ask for help)

- if possible, put your teachers/profs on the big screen to create the illusion of being in a lecture (if your study spot has a TV/projector that can connect to your laptop and quality speakers, do it. it's more fun than you'd think. also super stimulating and kicks the boredom out of you too)

- if not, use headphones/ earphones (speakers can create a feeling of distance between the lecture and yourself. combined with unstable internet and/or monotonous voices of some instructors, this may result in your brain classifying your lecture as background noises and zone out. so use headphones or earphones with the appropriate volume for that optimal focus mode)

- give yourself breaks between classes (don't cram all your classes in one morning. but don't procrastinate either. time your breaks. look at something else besides a computer or phone screen while you’re on break too. maybe brew some tea/coffee for your next class or rearrange your notes from the previous one)

💻 REVIEWING FOR ONLINE CLASSES:

- make a schedule/ system - and be ready to change them (this is an elaboration of an earlier tip. your system doesn’t have to work perfectly right away. most of the time, you will have to make some kind of adjustments to it anyway. so take it easy. pay attention to how well you react/ adapt to the new schedule so that you can make necessary changes. and give yourself - especially your mind - some time to adapt to the schedule. don’t rush yourself or put too much pressure on being productive. remember to take care of your well-being too)

- it’s okay to give yourself some off-days (that’s the beauty of not having any physical or even abstract structure that forces you into an inescapable routine. Yes, I know this lack of structure sucks for a lot of us, especially for those who rely on external forces to keep themselves focused. But look on the bright side: now you don’t have to worry about missing classes or losing participation marks when you are unwell physically and mentally anymore)

- textbooks are your friends now (especially when your classes’ live-streams are just chaotic and hard to follow. or when the pre-recorded lectures aren’t loading properly and keeps lagging. practice speed reading. look for keywords and crucial information. take notes rather than highlighting everything. compare them to your lecture notes, your syllabus, or your friends’)

- take advantage of the online format’s availability + other resources (availability is here, baby! revisit lecture videos and podcasts as many times as you need to. check your email classes’ forums regularly for questions or announcements. re-listen to your lecture when you're cleaning or exercising. watch videos of Khan Academy or CrashCourse. look for online tutors. study at your own pace and in your own style. basically anything you wish you could do when your class was in-person)

- there’s no need to submit assignments early if it’s anxiety-inducing. but make a schedule/ tracking system/ set alarms to avoid forgetting to turn them in (take your time to double-check or edit your work - as long as the submission box is still open, of course. set aside about an hour or two before the deadline for submission to avoid any technical difficulties. and remember to start working on them early so that you don’t have to shorten that window of time and have more time for double-checking)

- don't be afraid to email the profs/teachers (if possible, compile your questions into a list. be as specific as you can about your concerns. put a subject for your email to reduces the chance of your email getting lost in your instructors' inbox.)

- reward yourself (don't stress yourself out by rewarding big accomplishments. reward small victories. reward baby steps. reward effort. you'll get things done eventually)

- take time to know your learning style (when are you most focused? do you like taking digital notes or do you prefer pen and paper? are you a visual or an auditory learner? do you like moving around while studying? what drinks or scents or sounds keep you going? you don't have to stick to your usual study methods or an online/paperless one now that you are studying in your own room)

- listen to your mind and body (it’s okay to feel a bit lost) (from my own experience, times that are without structure like nowadays is when most of us fall into this spiraling downfall of unhealthy sleep schedules, lethargy, and loss of purpose. so please take care of your mental and physical well-being during this very, very weird time. keep yourself active. re-ignite old interests/ hobbies. connect with people you love. give yourself some love)

- and more tips on productivity at home in my last post right here

💻 PREPARING FOR ONLINE EXAMS / QUIZZES:

- make a list of all the online exams and final assignment due dates (this will help you keep track of and stay on top of them due dates. from that list, trace backward to make a review or study plan to prepare for the tests and work on the assignments. if there are any time conflicts, especially for those who are now living in a different timezone from their schools or colleges, email the instructors to seek solutions or alternative options)

- again, find a good spot with good wifi, good lighting, and a desk (if possible, try to recreate your ideal exam environment as closely as you can while studying and reviewing for the exams. this can reduce the anxiety of tests and/or unfamiliarity)

- be prepared for technical difficulties (especially mentally, so that you don’t plan out a course of action to take if they ever arise. draft an email template. research in advance the contacts of people whom you can report to - IT personnel, your instructors, student office, etc.)

- bring everything you need to the exams - but no distractions (like mentioned earlier, if you need any special accommodations that are considered "unacceptable" in an in-person exam/quiz, now it's the time to bring them along - you’re in charge of your test space now, so make it as comfortable and accomodating as you want)

- plan your desk set-up prior to your exams (so many extra items. still so little desk space. therefore, plan ahead so your desk does not turn into a mess when you take your exams. plan where you want to put your notes, textbooks, calculators or scrap paper. think about how much use you’re gonna get out of each item and place them within or slightly-out-of reach accordingly. charge your laptop. sharpen your pencils. have your backup stationery handy. lay out everything you need onto your desk the night before your tests. this can create a feeling of preparedness and thus, reduce anxiety as well)

- make cheatsheets (the goals when making them are simple: (1) get you to rewrite your notes for that good memorization; (2) condense your information and find a connection between them for a thorough understanding of the materials; (3) reduce the time you use to flip through your notebooks or textbooks or google for information during the actual tests)

- time yourself with mock exams (if you are given mock exams to practice with, do them, with a timer. this will help you familiarize yourself with the stress of being timed, thus reducing your anxiety during the actual tests)

- get enough sleep and eat properly (even if the exams or quizzes are online, they are still, at their core, tests. and tests are always stressful and energy-consuming. so take care of both your physical and mental health, especially during the week leading up to your exams)

[whumperooni]

I'd love to be mutuals with you but now really sure how to approach you off-anon.

I've been holding off on answering this one because I'm not quite sure how to respond without coming off as rude or bitchy or grouchy or stuck up or just straight up ridiculous

So pretty please take this as a general answer for everyone wanting to be moots and not just you, okay? I promise it's nothing personal (specially since you're a nonny and idk who you are anyways)

tldr; I'm a bad moot and if you wanna be a moot it has to happen naturally

But

I'm a terrible mutual, tbh. My online presence is flaky at best and I rarely look at my dash. I'm happy to chat with my moots if they reach out and I'm happy to interact with them...but I don't really approach them and I go through long periods of time where I miss their content because a) I'm too busy to be on tumblr, b) my fixations have shifted and I don't wanna interact with stuff that's not centered on them, c) I'm feeling particularly tired and/or angry and I'm off tumblr because I know I'm going to lose my temper and lash out at someone.

I try to be nice to people and I try to keep an open mind and I really try to let people do their own thing even if it bothers me. But the thing is?

I'm not a super nice person. I have a minimal tolerance for bullshit and I have a problem with general fandom fuckery. (Like across all fandoms- not just here)

I get angry at fandom and I get angry at my dash and I get angry at myself and, honestly, my presence in fandom is more like a stray cat that wanders in when they're bored or hungry and leaves when I grow bored or irritated by whatever drama is going on that day. I'm selfish and standoffish and, honestly, jealous of a lot of things and people too.

They're not awesome qualities to have in a moot. They're not awesome qualities to have as a person. I try my best to maintain a more positive vibe but, really, it's not always strictly genuine.

And the thing is? It gets tiring trying to pretend that I'm not rolling my eyes at every post on my dash. I'm too old and tired to pretend to like people that get on my nerves. I don't follow those people. I try not to interact with them. I blacklist their tags and I'll block them if they really get under my skin.

I monitor my circle and I do it in a way that's strictly selfish. I refuse to follow someone who sends me into a rant every other day and I'll absolutely dump a mutual if seeing their posts starts to get under my skin. I've done that before and, honestly, it hurt to do that because I did enjoy their content a lot and I thought that we could actually be good friends....I just didn't enjoy them or entertain those daydreams anymore once they decided to dump me like a hot potato.

I've been on all the sides of being a moot- bestie moots, enemies to friends to moots and back to enemies, casual headcanon exchanging moots, the moot that's been dropped because the other found more popular friends + more clout, and the moot that's dropped the other because they started shit talking about things that are Extremely Personal to me and I wasn't about to deal with that.

It sucks being a moot with someone only to find out they've dumped you. And, honestly? That's a veryyyyyyyyy likely possibility when it comes to being moots with me? Which I hate because people don't deserve that and hurt feelings suck and I don't want to upset anyone if I don't have to. But the thing is? I have to monitor my experience on tumblr or I will spiral and become miserable and nuke my chances of being welcome in fandom during an inevitable, public meltdown.

And that means....well that means that things just have to happen naturally?

(God, I'm so sorry I'm rambling but I'm trying so hard to explain myself)

Like. If you come to me and you're like "I wanna be mutuals with you. I wanna be friends" then I'm going to recoil- especially if we've never interacted before. For one, something like that is supremely uncomfortable to me. How can I say no without coming off as a bitch? It feels like a trap- even if it isn't, even if it's purely just enthusiastic and sincere- and I'm a prickly, hermetic person by nature who literally talks to one person irl on a daily basis...who also happens to live with me and is my boyfriend.

I don't seek out friends. I don't seek out relationships. I don't try to make something happen when it comes to people? It just...idk man I have to let it happen naturally or eventually it's gonna blow up in my face because I will feel restless and trapped and resentful. (Even if you literally do nothing wrong. Please understand that I'm a kinda shitty person, I work two jobs and I'm always stressed, and I'm bipolar and unmedicated. Please understand that I try and I'm not using these as excuses but just stating facts- my mental and emotional state are often shit and I lash out at people once my stress becomes too much...which is often these days. That this has happened to me before and I know myself and I'm trying to be truthful and not set up any rosy expectations just to disappoint anyone)

Like...if you still wanna be a moot, all I can say is to just...interact with me? Maybe I'll check out your blog and vibe with what I see????

But there are layers and layers of why I'm Not a good moot and there are layers and layers of reasons I'm not going to follow just anybody just because I'm asked.

I...I don't know. I don't know how to end this and I don't know if this makes any sense at all or if it's too much explanation or not but...

Just...don't have any expectations when it comes to me. I'm making no promises to anyone and I'm trying to be transparent.

I won't be mutuals with someone just because they want me to be. It's gotta happen naturally or it won't happen at all.

And I am sincerely sorry if it causes hurt feelings or if it comes off as rude or mean or bitchy or something. Rejection fucking sucks, you know?

But I have to look out for my mental and emotional health and, unfortunately, that means setting boundaries and limits and monitoring my experience very carefully.

So...yeah.

I'm sorry. I know this is probably super unsatisfying and I'm deeply apologetic over it.

But...yeah. That's that and I'm going to shut up now.

(Sorry)

[littlelovingmouse]

long post under a cut, because it's been a while since the last one, and though i'm taking my first paid vacation after working seven years at the same restaurant, i'm really struggling with some stuff

and i don't want all this shit hanging over my head all week while i celebrate my birthday two or three times for good measure

tl;dr: i hate my job

i just went through every selfie tag i could remember on my blog and deleted almost everything after a coworker said he'd made a blog here and wanted to follow me

i know it's stupid because rationally i know he's a sweet guy, and anyway he sees my face every week, but the idea that he might take pictures of me from my blog was really stressing me out; i've been wary of guy friends since college, and he likes to joke around by saying creepy things and i'm starting to feel uncomfortable around him, after years of seeing him as That Cool And Harmless Geeky Older Guy Friend From Work

it's just that i've had a few bad experiences, first with guy friends in college who inevitably wanted to date (or fuck) after i'd grown close enough with them to feel safe sharing more personal stuff, and also with people who knew me outside of tumblr following my blog and mocking me or confronting me over what i post, and these were all brought to the surface and magnified over the weekend as i agonized over whether or not i should let him follow me

in the end it was pointless since he deleted his blog after realizing that he would probably just have me as a follower, and apparently he has a lot to deal with at the moment (which made me feel like even more of a jerk for being so evasive about the whole thing) since his new landlords are turning out to be assholes

and like, yes we have differing political and social opinions, but i thought it wouldn't matter, since i don't really view myself as a Particularly Political Poster, but after i thought about it, i realized that i do reblog a lot of lgbt jokes and occasionally posts about social justice, and last thursday he went on this weird conspirationist rant, and it was the end of the day and i was too tired to call him out on it but i still felt like shit for not saying anything

but basically, since then, it's like, i no longer feel safe around him! i thought he was one of those few friends with whom i didn't have to watch myself constantly, and though i knew he had some "old fashioned" (bad) opinions i had no idea it was that bad, and the thought of having to sanitize my blog just to avoid confrontation with that one IRL dude was, frankly, driving me up the fucking wall

and now i have to reclassify him from the "cool laid back friend i can talk to about anything" category to the "don't talk politics with this friend" category and it sucks! i mean, we mostly geek out and we rarely (if at all) talk about sociopolitical stuff, but now i have to actively avoid the subject and i hate that

as if work wasn't already stressful enough

now i'm officially on vacation and i plan to use this opportunity to look for a new job

we'll still be friends (though idk for how long; as tired as i am, and with my filter fraying more and more each day, it's only a question of time before i blow up in his face) but at least i'll see him less often

and i know i'm gonna sound like a complete asshole but i'm relieved that he has to move within the next year because it means he'll also have to look for another job and he will (hopefully) be less pissed off when i quit

there i said it

i mean, i liked him a lot (though i obviously like him a lot less now that he's admitted to being a huge antisemitic asshole), i've learned so much about cooking and life in general by working and talking with him, and he used to have such a calming effect on me when i freaked out during the rush, and now that's gone

my other (ex) coworker (and occasional fellow call of cthulhu player) was absolutely right, we really should've both quit after what happened in august, when the manager's wife showed up one sunday afternoon and they had a screaming match in the (mercifully empty) front of the restaurant

that really should have been the last straw

instead i have allowed things to get worse and worse:

eventually coworker A (the call of cthulhu player) quit after the manager added yet another task to his workload because the other line cook is a lazy bastard who does as little work as he can get away with;

everyone else's workload doubled as a result because coworker A was basically doing the work of three people;

the manager added new meals to the menu instead of simplifying it like other restaurants did in a transparent bid to get More Money, which unfortunately worked, so we had an increase in business (and workload) but not in salary (or in actual hours to do the job);

i had to start working full time (have been for two months now) even when i said i wouldn't, because i was already struggling working four days a week, and my health is getting worse;

coworker B (the conspiracy nut) became increasingly frustrated and unpleasant everyday, due to his own increased workload, and having to listen to the owner complaining day in and day out;

the owner finally told to us she was planning to step down in favour of her nephew (the manager), who also strives to do as little work as possible, and gives us shit for being 5 minutes late when he is often 30 minutes late himself;

the front fridge broke, and of course the cashier decided to move all of her shit in the line cook fridge (because fuck everyone else i guess);

(said fridge was already overcrowded with my shit, since my own fridge had been malfunctioning for two years (turns out repairing it costs less than a quarter of the fine the owner had to pay for it to our equivalent of the FDA));

right after the manager finally had all the fridges repaired, we had two power outages in two days;

and then when the power came back on, the ventilation system broke: apparently it had been wired by a mad scientist - the electrician was horrified, he said it was a miracle that the power outage only burned the circuits of the motor on the roof without burning the entire fucking building;

so we had to work in an unventilated restaurant kitchen for TEN DAYS until it was finally fixed (thank fuck the weather had started to cool, i can't imagine working with no fan when it's 40°C outside),

and now i have to deal with the tumblr scare with coworker b, and all the bullshit that came out of his mouth last thursday night...

i'm just, like, i'm not even at my fucking limit, i'm way past it actually

i had thought that if i said, out loud, to everyone i know (outside of work), that i plan to quit, and that i'm gonna find another job asap, it would be enough peer pressure to actually make me go through with it, except i barely even have the energy to wash the dishes on my two days off, since i'm currently working full time (oh and my weekend being tuesday and wednesday is also awful btw)

it was supposed to be a part time job while i finish university

the problem is that i still haven't finished university, and i need to if i want a better job, but i no longer have the brain power for essays and research papers

so either i give up entirely, or i swallow my academic pride (and dread) and make an appointment with the university and i. HATE. MAKING. PHONE CALLS.

anyway

i'm gonna stop here before i start crying, but yeah, i gotta get my shit together or else je vais petter au frette câlisse

[cheemken]

Hello! I'm sorry for bothering, but is it okay to ask for your side on your and Pandora's love story? You guys are so sweet! I wish the best for you guys!

Well hello to you too hahah

And my side, ghm? Well,,, it's gonna be a trip since I just woke up and I'm doing this all in one go so I hope it makes sense at the end hahahah

Anyways owo

Twas a fine, lovely afternoon—

No really, it was. Like... I was scrolling through the comments of my old fics and I saw,, Bella commented hahah

And I was all "oh cool :3"

Then a lil skip and I saw her, pandora-dusk, commenting on the post I have of the fic and I was all "huh.. is this the same person??" I thought it was, she's all "I found it!" Or smth, and hey said the fic was dope and I was all "omf is this secretly a famous person—"

So I checked her blog, and I was all, "yeah okay I feel this person is famous so why is she talking to me cjskcbskdn"

But like,, yeah,, twas dope hahah

And we only get to talk in the replies because I refuse to talk to someone famous cause I'd embarrass myself owo

But then, in one of our chats in the notes and such, she mentioned how she draws and such and I was all "NFKSNDKSN YOU DRAW :D" and hey, I told her that people would absolutely love her art and such and yeah, surprise surprise, she posted her drawings and I was all ":0!!!! YO DAS SO COOL!" And then I remember reblogging it and had some on my save tag hahaha

It's so dope hahah

But y'know what happened next? The lil shit Tumblrbot messaged me and I low-key panicked cause "omf did I do smth wrong am I getting kicked out of Tumblr???" You can tell my mind was racing, but when I saw their message and they just "hey, you liked pandora-dusk's post, you should try talking to her owo" and I was all "hahah w h a t—"

Legit it took me a while to actually try to message her cause I was just "hhhHhnnn okay but what if she's busy and she finds it annoying omfs cjsmxjsm"

But hey I just up and "fuck it, if I managed to message Dee despite them being famous too, why not her?" So I sucked it up and yeah, messaged her hahaha

If you saw Pan's post, then yeah, you'd see how it went down

Anyways yeah, after that, we didn't talk much and every time I check my notifs, my thumb just hovers over her icon cause I still wanna talk to her and such, but I feel like I'm annoying her, so I just wait for replies and such hahah

Tis sad, but hey

Then that thing with Jane Angst™ happened, and good lord the reblogs jcsmjdks hahahaha

It escalated to the point we made the Knight and the Princess and we finally took it to the DM's cause hah, the reblogs were getting long hahah

AND OH MY GOD

Okay so we made progress with the lil story of the Knight and Princess, yeah? I fucking shit you not, I did not sleep because of that hahahah

I think yesterday, yeah, we were talking about this ask and it went to that thing of us with the Princess and Knight, and I told her that I didn't sleep for her just to try to finish that, that's how special she was and I didn't even know her yet–

But hey yeah, another mini skip

Then more shit happened to me, I didn't sleep and twas already two, and then.. she messaged me hahah

And then told me so many things and I discovered more about her too

And I could feel myself falling for her

Do you know how scary that was hahaha

She's so amazing.. no chance, yeah? I convinced myself that there's no chance. As if we'd meet. As it she'd like me. No one likes me like that irl, so why would she like me? She doesn't even know me.

But,,, ehhh,,, idk man. Couldn't stop myself hahah

She's just so nice and so dope and so understanding. She's so caring, so talented, and just.. she's amazing in general. And that scared me so much hahaha

Cause I'm nothing owo

I always like people with no chance of liking me back and I've been hurt so much hahah

But did I continue liking her anyways? Yep.

It didn't help that after drawing human Tumblrbot, Al— well,, star anon during that time, sent asks how Pan and I are kinda T's parents and oh my god I was all "that's so fucking adorable but hhHhhH is she comfortable with this cjskjdk" then I saw her actually draw shit for T too and I was just ":'0!!" And yeah, I started falling more and more hahah

Everyday I couldn't stop thinking about her, but I keep telling myself to just forget her cause "there's no chance. No one likes you irl, why expect she'd like you? Once she sees what you look like, she's gonna be disgusted. Disgusted probably like everyone else." And that broke me.. cause hah.. I really did like her, but yeah, we don't talk much so I just "ehh.. sure.."

But did I really stop? Nah.

Look I fell hard jcksjxksns

And hey I kept gushing about her to the GC and to my best friend hahaha

Dee actually thought Pan and I were dating and I was all "hah, I wish—"

And then my best friend was all "omf you have a gf na without telling me—" but hey I told her we weren't together and she was all "WHAT??? BUT?? YOU TWO ARE SO SWEET???"

And yeah hahaha

Another timeskip

Like,, Halloween?? Yeah hahah

Halloween onwards

We started talking more and more and oh my god I fell h a r d

I get to know more about her and the more she shared the more I fell and like,,, the more I see her as herself hahah

And god, she's so amazing

She might not believe it, but she is

And everyday I keep telling her how she's so great, basically, I was trying to flirt with her hahahahah

Cause like,, there might be a small ass chance yeah? Yeah hahah

And hey,, we talked and such, and,, hahah it seems like we were together but not. I told her that when we finally meet, I'm taking her out on a date hahah

And yeaahhhhh,,,

Another mini skip, now it's November, and hah, the eleventh came and on the twelfth, we had like this swab test and such and I was scared af and I just "hhhnnn might as well"

So take note, in my part it's like?? What?? Twelve? Eleven going on twelve am

But in hers it's the afternoon still

DO YOU KNOW HOW COLD MY HANDS WERE

So yeah, I confessed to her hahah

AND YO

SHE ACTUALLY??? LIKES ME BACK????

GODDAMN JCSKJXKSNXKSNS

And yeah owo

I messaged my bestfriend first about it cause she was still online and yeah we celebrated hahahaha

But yeah, then we talked more, we saw what each other looked like (y'all she's so fucking pretty cjskjdks like goddamn) and surprisingly, she doesn't think I look like shit, then we called, and hcksjdksjs

It was just so great hahaha

And hey, yeah, we got to know more about each other and boom, we be here now owo

I hope that suffices cause my memory be shit and I probably missed a few but hey hahah

[maybeimamuppet]

I see stars

hello friends, happy Wednesday! before we get into this I'd like to thank my irl friends Nerd and Kween (I asked them if they'd like to pick an alias, that's what they each chose) for giving me scene ideas and helping me to write this chapter!

tw for:

outing

and something that could be seen as a suicide attempt if you squint. its really not, but... it'll make sense once you get into it.

anyway, please enjoy!

-

At 11:11, Cady makes a wish on a star outside her window. She’s just moved across the world, to Illinois from Kenya. She’s never felt more alone in her life.

So, Cady wishes for a friend. Someone who will stick by her side through anything. Doesn’t matter who. She knows it’s a cliche to wish on a star, but she’s desperate. She’ll try anything.

She’s not expecting to be woken by a blinding bright light at exactly midnight. She blinks blearily as she wakes, looking into the backyard. There’s a girl about her age, bathed in the light.

Cady tugs on her hedgehog slippers and runs downstairs, able to approach the girl lying in her grass as the blinding light fades.

She doesn’t seem to be breathing, but she gasps sharply and her eyes shoot open just before Cady can touch her.

“No, no, no,” the girl says desperately.

“Um... are you okay?” Cady asks quietly, very confused by the last several minutes. The girl looks at her and screams, making Cady jump.

“You, who are you?” The girl demands, her blonde hair flowing behind her. Her eyes are glowing and her hair moves on its own. That’s not normal.

“Um... I’m Cady. Cady Heron,” Cady says confusedly.

“What the fuck have you done?!” The girl yells at her. “You made a wish, what did you wish for?”

Cady is almost crying in fear as this terrifying... person? yells at her. “Nothing, I just-I wanted a friend, I didn’t-I didn’t mean to do anything to you. Who are you?”

“I,” the girl says with a sigh. “Am the star you wished on. Or I used to be, anyway.”

“You what?! That can’t... you...” Cady splutters. “But you’re a girl.”

“To you. This is my... Earthly form, you could say,” the star replies. “You don’t believe me. Here, touch me.”

Cady tries to, pulling back with a yelp as her fingertip makes contact. She’s burning hot.

“Ow! You couldn’t prove it some other way?” Cady hisses, sucking on her burned finger. The star stands up, shaking off her white robes and combing her hands through her long blonde hair. Now that Cady looks closely, her hair is almost exactly the color of starlight. And there’s still a sort of glowing aura around her. “Can anyone else see you?”

“They can now, thanks to you,” the star spits. “That’s a point, actually, hold on.”

She waves her hands for a second, somehow removing the light emanating from her. Her eyes stop glowing and fade to a rather beautiful honey-brown, and her hair lays flat in waves down just past her shoulders. She brings her hands together to condense the light, and like a magician releasing a dove, reveals two gold bracelets that she slides onto her wrists.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t... I didn’t mean to bring you here,” Cady whispers. “Can I help you get back?”

The star sighs, seeming to calm herself. “You had no way of knowing this would happen. It hasn’t for thousands of your years. You don’t need to apologize.”

“What did happen?” Cady asks in confusion.

“You made a wish at a very poor time for me,” the girl replies, coming to sit by her on the grass. “But we don’t have time to get into it now.”

“Okay,” Cady says. She doesn’t think it’s okay, she has so many questions, but she doesn’t want to anger the girl again. “Um… what’s your name?”

“I don’t have one,” the girl shrugs. “I suppose you humans have technically named me at some point, but I wouldn’t know it.”

“Are you staying here?”

“It would seem so,” the girl hums. “For a while, anyway. I’ll have to go back soon.”

“Then you need a name,” Cady insists. She stands and reaches to help her up, but pulls back quickly. “Are you still, um…”

The star chuckles. “No. If I’m not glowing you don’t have to worry.”

“Ah,” Cady says as if she understands. She doesn’t, nothing about this evening makes sense. “Come on, it’s cold out here.”

“You trust strangers remarkably quickly,” the girl says as she takes her hand to be led up the stairs to Cady’s bedroom. “I could be some crazy human telling you a lie.”

“You could be, but you were glowing and burning hot when you got here, and you clearly can do some kind of… magic, or something, with your… essence. And you already knew I wished on a star,” Cady whispers. “Now shush, you’ll wake my parents up.”

“Parents?”

“Yeah. You know, like… the people who made me?” Cady says. “Do stars not have parents?”

“Not that I would ever know,” the star says. “We’re technically composed of pieces of others who’ve already died. What are parents like?”

Cady sits the girl on her bed and roots through her dresser for something less conspicuous for her to wear. “It depends. Some aren’t great. Mine are nice, they love me. They’re a little dorky, but they’re good people. You’ll like them.”

The star takes the offered sweats and looks at them curiously. “What do I do with these?”

“Wear them,” Cady giggles. “You’ll attract a lot of attention in that.”

The star looks down at her long, angelic robes, then back at what Cady has on. She seems to realize that, indeed, she sticks out like a sore thumb. Cady yelps and turns around when she starts tugging her robes off.

“What happened?” The girl asks in confusion.

“You can’t just get naked in front of people,” Cady huffs. “Privacy is important.”

“Oh. Privacy.” The star replies quietly. She tugs on the offered clothes and rests her robes next to her. “I’m done now.”

Cady turns back warily and chuckles when she sees her. “You put the shirt on backwards.”

“Backwards?”

“The wrong way. Come here,” Cady says. The star approaches warily, and Cady helps her turn the shirt around. “For future reference, on human clothes, there’s usually a tag. That goes in the back.”

“Human clothes are so strange,” the girl says thoughtfully, tugging curiously at her collar. She gestures to the pants. “What do you call these? The… leg tubes?”

“Pants?” Cady chuckles, guiding her back to the bed so they can have a chat. “How much do you know? About… me? Or just humanity?”

“Good question,” the star says. “For humanity as a whole, I know most of the common belief systems and usually how cultures function, basic things like that. In terms of specific things like… pants, you said?” Cady nods. “That’s not my area of expertise.”

Cady nods thoughtfully. “And me?”

“You, I only know what I’ve seen. I was assigned to you when you were born. I’ve been watching you, sort of. But I can’t see into your soul or anything, I don’t know your thoughts. I just know what would’ve been observable by anyone,” the girl shrugs.

“Assigned to me? Prove it. When’s my birthday?” Cady says slightly suspiciously, folding her arms over her chest.

“In human time, February eleventh, 2001,” the star says instantly.

“Human time…? No, never mind. Um… where is my biggest scar?” Cady asks. “And how did I get it?”

“Your… oh, what is it called… ah, your stomach. You were playing with a lion cub named Louise and got scratched. You were ten years old and required eight stitches,” the girl replies.

Cady goes quiet. Her scar isn’t visible unless she wears a crop top, and only someone who knew her as a child would know how she got it to that level of specificity. The star is telling the truth.

“Okay, I believe you,” Cady breathes. “This is… a lot for one night.”

“I wasn’t expecting to be here either, I certainly understand,” the girl chuckles sardonically.

“You still need a name,” Cady suddenly realizes. “I can’t keep calling you ‘the star’ or ‘the girl’ in my head.”

“Okay. If you say so,” the star shrugs. “You seem to have decent judgement, you can name me.”

Cady hums pensively, her eyes drifting over to the records her dad had given her to introduce her to American music. There’s a Janis Joplin record on top.

“What about Janis?” Cady asks. It suits the girl pretty well. “Like this.”

The star reads over the letters on the record sleeve and nods. “I like it.”

“Well then, Janis, we should sleep. Wait, do you even need to sleep?” Cady asks. This is all so complicated.

“I think so,” Janis says. “We’ll find out. I know I can sleep, however.”

Cady nods with a thoughtful hum before she gestures for Janis to lie on the far side of her bed. Cady inches in after her, but makes sure to leave a gap in between them. Janis wiggles comfortably under the blankets, delighted at feeling their soft texture for the first time.

“Goodnight, Janis,” Cady murmurs softly.

“Goodnight, Cady Heron,” Janis whispers back.

————-

Cady wakes with a start the next morning when she remembers there’s someone else in bed with her. Janis seems to be spooning her, which is actually kind of nice. Cady takes a moment to think about how to explain this to her parents. They’d never believe the truth, but she needs some story that will convince them to let Janis stay.

She rolls out of bed when she decides on something believable, and tucks Janis in a little tighter. Janis snuffles gently but doesn’t wake.

Cady pads down the stairs and finds her parents in the kitchen making breakfast.

“Morning, binti,” her dad says when he spots her in the hallway. Cady comes into the room staring at her feet.

“Don’t be mad,” she begins, already smacking herself mentally. That’s never a good way to start a conversation. “Um, one of my friends came over last night. She got… kicked out, she needs somewhere to stay. I don’t want her on the streets. Can she please stay here for a while?”

“Kicked out?” Her mom asks. “How do you know this girl?”

“She… she didn’t say why. I didn’t want to ask,” Cady lies quietly. She’s been close enough to the truth so far. “And, um… we met at… the observatory. The one I went to after school last week.”

“Of course she can stay. We have plenty of room, she can stay as long as she needs. Just teach her the rules and stuff,” Cady’s dad replies. Her mom looks at him unhappily, but does nod after a moment’s thought. Cady hugs them both in a mix of happiness and relief.

“Thank you. Her name is Janis, by the way,” Cady murmurs. “I’ll go let her know.”

Her parents nod and send her back up to her bedroom. Cady returns to find Janis awake and turning the lights on and off curiously.

“Hey,” she says softly. Janis jumps and whirls around to see her.

“Good morning,” Janis replies. Cady chuckles.

“What are you doing?”

“How does this turn on the light all the way over there?” Janis asks in wonder.

Cady shrugs. “Electricity, I dunno. I’m not used to it either. Um, my parents said you can stay here. I told them you got kicked out, but they think that means, like, your human parents kicked you out. But you can stay here as long as you need.”

“How lovely,” Janis says. Her stomach suddenly rumbles and she looks at it in confusion.

“You must be hungry. Come on, my parents have breakfast downstairs,” Cady giggles. “I think you’ll like waffles.”

—————-

Cady and Janis set up a routine that day. Cady teaches Janis about human life, and has an added bonus of getting help with her chores. In return, Cady gets a friend. And a cool friend, if she does say so herself.

Cady had bravely taken Janis out shopping, and the fallen star had immediately taken to fishnet tights and oversized jackets. The punk clothes suit her far more than Cady’s hand-me-downs.

Janis stays home when Cady goes to school for safety. Janis also got a phone so she can contact Cady in an emergency, so they have that. Janis knows all the rules and especially not to mess around in the kitchen. She spends most of her days learning about humanity through TV shows and other media. Janis isn’t too keen on what she finds, but Cady seems to be an outlier. She hopes more humans are like Cady.

-

One day, the two girls are washing the dishes after dinner. Janis washes and Cady dries. Cady suddenly fumbles drying a knife and nicks her finger.

Janis looks up in surprise when she yelps. “What happened?” Cady shows off her slightly bleeding finger. “Oh. You’re bleeding.”

“Just a little, it’s not a big deal. I’ll grab a bandaid, it’s fine,” Cady shrugs, already moving towards the first aid kit. Janis gently grabs her hands to stop her moving away.

“I can help,” she says quietly. “Please?” Cady nods gently. Janis holds the wounded finger gently between her hands and closes her eyes. Cady’s finger feels warmer, suddenly, and there’s an odd tingling sensation. “There.”

When Cady looks, the only hint of an injury is a small scar. “Wow.”

“The scar will fade slowly. I usually don’t leave them, but my abilities aren’t quite up to snuff on Earth,” Janis says shyly.

“No, it’s… wow,” Cady says again. “You’re incredible. Thank you.”

Janis flushes and looks down. “You’re welcome.”

In a momentary fit of boldness, Cady leans in and kisses Janis’ cheek. Janis squeaks in surprise and blushes harder.

“Let’s get back to it, star girl,” Cady chuckles, grabbing her towel again. Janis shuffles back over and grabs her sponge.

-

Cady starts noticing strange things after that day. She feels emotions that don’t totally fit her situation. She’s beginning to have memories of doing things she hasn’t done. She has knowledge of things she didn’t study.

The kicker comes one day in her French class. Cady notices she suddenly has much more energy. Her knee is bouncing uncontrollably and her mind is racing. She takes a second to check her phone when she feels it buzzing wildly in her pocket.

stargirl: CADDY WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME BOUT COFEEEe

stargirl: IS SO GOOD

stargirl: TASTE LIKE CHOCOLATE BUT NAKES MY BRAIN GO FSST I LOVE IT

stargirl: OPPS I SPELLED YOUR NAME WRONG BUT YOURE CADDY NOW

spacecadet: Janis how much coffee have you had?

stargirl: EIGT

spacecadet: Good lord, Janis. Stop drinking it and wait until I get home, please

stargirl: WHYYYYY

spacecadet: Because it’s affecting me too, and I can’t have that right now. Go run around the backyard or something. Just stop the coffee

stargirl: :(

stargirl: ohhhhhh i see now that looks like a sad face

stargirl: clever humans. i was wondering why you use that when you’re unhappy

stargirl: ok bye

Cady clicks her phone off and tries to tune back into her class, wondering what the hell is happening. She and Janis appear to share some sort of link now, if the coffee is anything to go by.

Janis is definitely coming to school with her after this.

-

Janis seems much calmer when Cady gets home. The caffeine crash appears to have kicked in, because she’s huddled up on the couch and staring lethargically at the ceiling.

“Hey, Jay,” Cady says softly. Janis whines and turns to look at her. “You okay?”

“Caddy, the fast juice makes my head hurt,” Janis whines again. Cady grins sadly and heads to fetch her some ibuprofen and water.

“Here, this will help,” Cady says quietly. “The headache is a part of caffeine withdrawal. I see you had a fun day.”

“I deep cleaned the whole house in two hours and the neighbors let me play with their puppy,” Janis replies. Cady chuckles again.

“Well, my parents will love having the house this clean, so good job there. But we should talk,” she says softly. “I felt the caffeine too. Just a little bit. I felt a bit of the energy, and my leg started shaking. What does that mean?”

“I’m not totally sure myself, but this can happen sometimes,” Janis replies. “I forgot about it at the time, I just wanted to help. But sometimes when I do things like healing your cut, or things like that, a bit of me… gets into you, kind of. Forms a sort of link between us. We’ll share a bit of our stronger emotions or sensations, learn things the other knows, stuff like that.”

“So… you healing my cut gave us a psychic link?” Cady asks confusedly.

“Kind of,” Janis agrees. “I can help you learn how to turn it off, in a way, if it bothers you.”

Cady shakes her head. “I kind of like it. Except when you have eight cups of coffee while I’m trying to focus in class.”

“Cady, it’s so good,” Janis says dreamily. “It’s the most wonderful human creation.”

“Well, I’m glad you had a good day, but take it in moderation. No more than two cups from here on, okay?” Cady giggles. Janis nods with a pout. “And I think… I think you should start coming to school with me. It’s only November, you won’t have missed too much.”

“But won’t it… what’s the word… embarrass you? If I say something strange? I’m still not used to humanity,” Janis asks concernedly. Cady looks away briefly.

“There’s not much more damage you can do. Nobody talks to me anyway,” she whispers. “It’ll be nice to have a friend there.”

Janis doesn’t quite know what to do here; she’s still adjusting to human emotions. But a hug seems to fit, so she sits herself up and awkwardly wraps her arms around Cady. Cady leans in and tips her head against her shoulder.

“Then I’ll go,” Janis says softly. “I’m your friend.”

Cady nods. “Thanks, Jay.”

“Oh, um… can I do something, for my sake, if I’m going to school with you?” Janis asks. “It might give you a headache for a few minutes, but you should be fine.”

“Should be? Oh boy,” Cady says worriedly. Janis positions them so they’re facing each other and gets another confirmation from Cady. She nods, and Janis reaches out and touches the center of her forehead.

Cady feels like her brain is exploding. Her mind rushes with thoughts and it feels like they’re pouring out her ears. She’s about to cry out for Janis to make it stop, but Janis ends it just before she reaches her limit. Cady is left with a minor migraine, but shockingly, no other side effects.

“What the heck was that?” She asks desperately.

“I’m sorry,” Janis murmurs. “I just made copies of the knowledge you use for school and gave them to myself. You were basically feeling all your intelligence being doubled and then half removed. But the headache fades.”

Cady supposes Janis will need to be able to do classwork and things, she needs the information. Cady can forgive a temporary headache. “Your hair.”

“What?” Janis asks, furrowing her brows.

“Your hair is brown. Here,” Cady says, touching her own roots. Janis scrambles up and runs to the bathroom to look in the mirror. Cady follows in concern. It doesn’t look bad, it’s only about a centimeter, but Cady had assumed Janis would be a natural blonde. “Are you okay?”

Janis stares at her reflection for a long moment. “Hm? Oh, yeah. It’s fine, everything’s fine.”

Cady’s part of the link floods with alarm bells saying ‘Lie. Lying. Lie.’ She decides not to question it, Janis seems distressed enough. She’ll tell her when she’s ready.

“Okay then. Come on, let’s go get your school supplies,” Cady says, reaching to hold her hand. Janis follows her away clinging to her hand tightly.

————-

Janis starts school with Cady the next week. After a fair bit of pleading, the school agreed to give Janis the same schedule so they can stick together. People still look at them oddly, but one mildly threatening look from Janis sends them on their way.

They manage to skate by relatively unnoticed until lunch. Janis hasn’t said much of anything in fear of causing a scene.

“Don’t you want to eat with the other humans?” Janis asks once they have their lunches, confused as to why Cady isn’t heading back towards the cafeteria. They get a few odd looks at the use of the term ‘other humans’, but nobody seems to think twice about it. High school is weird enough already.

“I usually don’t. I’ve been eating in the bathroom,” Cady says shyly. “Or sometimes with Ms. Norbury. I don’t think anyone would let me sit with them.”

“Well, now there’s two of us. Maybe someone will,” Janis says optimistically. Cady shrugs and decides to give it a shot.

They’re both immediately overwhelmed by the amount of people present and look around in shock. Janis is about to rescind her statement and take them somewhere else when a high, falsely sweet voice rings out from the table in the center of the room.

“Wait, why don’t I know you?” It asks. Everyone else turns to look at the two of them, seemingly in shock.

“Um… we’re new,” Cady stutters. “I’m Cady, this is Janis.”

“You’re both, like, really pretty,” the girl says.

“Uh… thanks,” Cady says.

“So you agree?”

“Huh?”

“You think you’re really pretty,” the girl says. “Or were you talking about that one? Are you some kind of-”

Suddenly, another voice comes by. “Absolutely not. Regina, stop with the mind games and kindly shut the fuck up. Nobody here actually cares what you have to say and your hair looks like hay.”

Janis yelps as she and Cady are dragged away from the table, down the hall and out the doors into the courtyard by the owner of the voice. They’re finally released once they’re under a large oak tree. They both turn to find a tall, sweet looking boy in a t-shirt with a drag queen on it.

“Sorry about that, but it’s for your own good,” he says. “I’m Damian Hubbard, token school gay and junior activities chair.”

“Oh, you’re in my French class! Well, our French class. You’re the one who wanted to go by Fantine,” Cady exclaims.

“One and the same,” Damian nods. He looks at them expectantly. Cady suddenly realizes what he wants.

“Oh! Sorry. I’m Cady, this is Janis,” Cady says. “We’re new here. Juniors.”

“Fun! Where are you guys from?” He asks.

“I’m from Kenya,” Cady says instantly. Luckily, Damian is so interested in this information that he doesn’t ask where Janis is from. Janis just quietly eats her burger while Damian and Cady chat about Africa.

“So what are your schedules like? I haven’t noticed you in my other classes,” Damian asks once his curiosity about Kenya is sated. He looks specifically at Janis. “I definitely would have noticed you.”

“Today is her first day, she’s been… homeschooled, for a while,” Cady explains as she hands her schedule over. “We have AP Calculus after this, then English.”

“Damn, AP Calc as juniors? You guys must be geniuses,” Damian says, impressed. “We have most of our morning classes together, but I have theater and study hall after this.”

“What’s up with that girl?” Janis asks suddenly, practically the first words she’s said all day. Damian looks at her in brief surprise before launching into a story.

“Regina is sort of queen bee here. Everyone calls her and her little group the Plastics, because… they… look like they’re plastic. She’s a manipulative bitch, just stay away from her. For your own good,” Damian warns.

“She seemed nice,” Cady says confusedly. “She said we were pretty.”

“Regina George is not nice!” Damian exclaims suddenly. “Sorry. I have some… history, with her. We shouldn’t get into it now. Anyway, are you guys, like, sisters?”

They both chuckle. Cady answers, “No, we’re just friends. We actually didn’t meet all that long ago. But we do live together.”

“Neat,” Damian says, not pressing and asking why they live together as just friends. “You don’t seem to talk much, Janis.”

Janis looks to Cady in concern, not knowing how to respond.

“She’s just… wary of new people,” Cady says for her. “She warms up after a while.” Janis nods as if to confirm.

“Ah, that’s chill,” Damian says. “Ew, that made me sound straight. Anyway. I usually eat lunch out here when it’s nice, if you guys want to join me. I’ll be glad to show you around.”

“Thank you,” Cady says gratefully. Janis’ instincts tell her to trust this boy, so she nods as well. The bell rings to signal the end of lunch and they all jump.

“No problem. I’ll see you in homeroom tomorrow!” Damian calls, tugging his bag over his shoulder and waving as he heads back to class.

“He seems fun,” Cady says, waiting for Janis to finish gathering her things. “And nice.”

“I like him,” Janis nods. “And I don’t trust that Regina girl. I think Damian’s right, we should avoid her.”

Cady nods. “Okay, I trust your judgement more than mine. Come on, star girl, we’re gonna be late.”

—————-

A few weeks later, Cady and Janis have officially formed a little squad with Damian. They’re nearly inseparable, and Janis is thankful for the opportunity to observe another human close-up. But she has questions.

“Caddy?” She asks one day while Cady is doing math. Janis is doing something called painting, which Cady had introduced her to. Janis likes it and does seem to have a natural aptitude for it.

“Hmm?”

“What does gay mean? Damian says he’s… whatever it is, but I’ve never heard it used before,” Janis asks.

Cady looks at her. “Um… a gay person is someone who’s attracted to the same sex, either romantically or sexually. So, Damian likes boys.”

“Oh. So I’m gay?” Janis asks. Cady chokes on the small sip of her drink she’s just taken.

“Do you like girls?”

“I think so. I’m not… totally sure what attraction is like, yet, but I’m pretty sure I’m not attracted to any man,” Janis says.

“That’s fine,” Cady says gently. “Girls who are gay are usually called lesbians. But you can also like both boys and girls, and people in between. Or nobody.”

“This is all terribly confusing,” Janis says. Cady chuckles.

“Believe me, I know. Here, you can read through this and see if anything fits. I’m sure it’ll be a little different for you, since you’re not totally… human,” Cady says shyly.

Janis takes the proffered laptop and scrolls through it. She desperately tries to ignore the bookmark on the ‘bisexual’ tab, clearly put there by Cady. That’s personal, Cady would tell her if she wanted her to know.

“I believe I am an asexual lesbian,” Janis says after about eight minutes. Cady looks at her in shock.

“You knew that quickly?”

“It’s what seems to fit best, that’s what you said I should look for,” Janis shrugs.

“Okay. Good for you, Jay,” Cady says quietly. “Proud of you.”

“Thanks,” Janis says. Cady’s eyes suddenly go wide as she looks at her. “What?”

“Your hair. More of it is brown,” Cady says.

“No,” Janis whispers anxiously, running to the vanity to check in the mirror. There’s about three inches of the dark brown now, but the rest is still her old platinum blonde.

“Janis, what’s going on? Please,” Cady begs. “What does this mean? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Janis says quietly. “It’s fine.”

Alarms go off in Cady’s head again. Janis will tell you when she’s ready. Don’t push, she reminds herself.

“You’ll tell me if something does happen, though?” Cady confirms.

“Yes,” Janis says. About anything except this. “I promise. It’s fine.”

Cady doesn’t question it further, even when she hears Janis awake all night.

————-

Janis is tidying the basement a few weeks later to help out Cady’s parents. For a bit of entertainment, she switches on the mental link she shares with Cady. They’ve discovered that if only one of them has it ‘on’, they only get the bare bones of what the other is feeling. It’s actually kind of handy.

Janis is immediately overwhelmed with stressed and anxious vibes coming through. To save herself a potentially literal headache, she flicks it back off and rushes upstairs to save Cady.

Cady jumps slightly when she comes barreling into the bedroom, but only looks up from her books briefly before she turns back.

“What’s wrong?” Janis asks.

“Nothing,” Cady says airily, but Janis can see the tension in her shoulders and the clench in her jaw. Cady can apparently feel her staring in disbelief, because she sighs and turns around. “We have a big English test next week, I’m trying to study. I’m… really not good at English.”

“You speak it well,” Janis says. “I think you’re good.”

“Thanks, Janis,” Cady chuckles sadly. “There’s just so many rules, and then there’s always exceptions to the rules. It doesn’t make sense.”

Janis has found this to be true with her studies of humans as well, so she certainly can relate. “Can I help?”

Cady grins at her affectionately. “I could use a cuddle.”

Janis heads over immediately to wrap her friend in a tight hug, resting her chin on top of Cady’s red hair. Cady sighs contently against her neck and cuddles closer. Janis squeezes her in return.

They stay like that for a long, peaceful moment before Janis suddenly gets a brilliant idea.

“Ooh! Wait here, I’ll be right back,” she says excitedly. Cady pouts at the sudden removal of her snuggles, but sits obediently back at her desk to wait.

Janis comes stumbling back in with her easel and all of her painting supplies, crashing into the room and setting everything up with a good deal of noise.

“I need to teach you some more subtlety,” Cady giggles. “What are you doing?”

“Paint,” Janis says around a mouthful of brushes. She removes them before she continues. “With me. To relax!”

“Jay, that’s sweet, but I really can’t paint,” Cady says. “I should get back to studying anyway.”

“No,” Janis insists. “I don’t know human physiology that well, but I know that’s not healthy. You come paint with me. Right now.”

Cady can’t help but giggle as she purses her lips and puffs out her chest dramatically. “Fine, fine. If you want me to waste your paint.”

“You bought it for me,” Janis shrugs. “And its whole purpose is to make things. It never says it has to be something professional or seen by others as ‘good’. If you make something with it and it helps you calm down, then I don’t see how it’s been wasted.”

“You’re awfully poetic sometimes, you know that?” Cady chuckles. “You have to help me.”

Janis nods eagerly and gets her pallet all set up. She stands behind Cady and guides her hand to help her paint a sunset, resting her chin on Cady’s shoulder and murmuring instructions into her ear. Cady seems a bit more tense than before, for some reason.

Cady does relax after a while. The texture of the thick paint flowing over the canvas is very soothing, and she has an excellent guide behind her. But the painting still isn’t turning out the way she wanted, which is frustrating.

“Relax, you’re so tense,” Janis says calmingly. “You’re shredding the brush.”

“I’m painting,” Cady grumbles.

“You’re massacring it,” Janis chuckles. In retaliation, Cady dabs some lavender paint onto her brush and swipes it over Janis’ nose. “Hey!”

Teasingly, Cady reaches out again and waggles the brush in front of Janis’ face. Janis snatches it and the pallet and dabs some yellow over Cady’s cheek. Cady gasps at the betrayal.

She grabs another brush and a bottle of cheap acrylic, squeezing some out onto another pallet that she also uses as a shield. Janis lunges again, barely managing a streak of blue down Cady’s forehead. Cady retaliates with some pink on Janis’ collarbone.

By the time Janis runs out of materials, they’re both much more colorful than they were a few minutes ago. But Cady is laughing delightedly, which was Janis’ whole goal.

Janis lunges forward and grabs her small friend, holding her close and spinning her around while Cady laughs. Janis suddenly realizes she really wants to kiss her. That’s new.

Cady cuddles close once Janis puts her down and nuzzles into Janis’ neck. “Thank you, Jay. I needed that.”

“Anytime, Birdie,” Janis replies quietly.

“Birdie?” Cady asks.

“Your name,” Janis says. “Heron. It’s a bird. I learned that humans sometimes call animals things that end with that sound for affection. Like doggy or kitty. Or birdie.”

“Cute,” Cady hums. “Herons aren’t really… cute birds, though. They’re pretty big.”

“Let me have this,” Janis pleads.

“Okay,” Cady giggles. She pushes up on her tiptoes to kiss Janis’ cheek. “I’m gonna go wash this off. Thank you.”

“Of course,” Janis squeaks, thankful that the paint hides how hard she’s blushing.

Nearly a third of her hair is brown when she checks the mirror to scrub the paint away.

————-

Janis gets home the next afternoon after a hangout with Damian to find Cady with a green face. She jumps and runs back out of their shared bedroom in fright.

“Janis, come back,” Cady laughs. “I’m just doing some skincare, it’s okay.”

“Why are you green?” Janis asks warily.

“It’s a face mask. This one has avocado,” Cady says, putting her book aside and reaching for her. “The paint yesterday kind of irritated my skin, so I’m doing this to help calm it down.”

“Oh,” Janis says. “You’re not sick?”

“No,” Cady says. “I’m perfectly fine. Face masks are actually very relaxing. Did you have fun with Dame?”

“Yeah,” Janis says absently, looking curiously at the green goop on Cady’s face. “He taught me the dance he came up with for that one Lady Gaga song.”

“Oh, really? You’ll have to show me later,” Cady giggles. “Do you wanna try a mask?”

Janis nods curiously, so Cady heads back to the bathroom to grab the pot of it. Janis eyes it warily but does let Cady lie her down and gently brush it over her face.

Cady doesn’t think for a terribly long time before she decides that straddling Janis is the best way to get it on. She’s filled with regret quite quickly, realizing this is a rather compromising position.

“You have beautiful skin,” she murmurs as she rubs the goop gently into Janis’ cheeks.

“Thanks?” Janis says confusedly. “Like, to eat? Is that what you’re doing?”

To kiss, maybe, Cady thinks, but desperately doesn’t say. “No, not to eat, goofy. But it’s very soft. Feels nice.”

Janis nods thoughtfully. Cady swipes a little bit onto her chin, and she pokes her tongue out to taste it without thinking. “Blech.”

“It’s not to eat, I just said,” Cady giggles. “It’s for your skin, it’s not food.”

“You said it was avocado,” Janis pouts.

“I said it has avocado, it has other things in it too,” Cady says. “Things that don’t taste very good.”

Janis continues pouting at the lack of food as Cady finishes covering her face. Cady suddenly realizes she’s very tempted to kiss it away. It’s romantic, in a way, to be doing this with Janis. Sharing a face mask and looking into each other’s eyes.

“What now?” Janis asks curiously. Cady goes to clean her hands off before she answers.

“Now you leave it on for a while and relax,” she responds, shoving Janis over on the bed and crawling in next to her. Janis pouts again.

“Relaxing is boring,” she whines.

“It wasn’t boring yesterday,” Cady responds. “Just talk to me.”

“About what?” Janis asks.

“I dunno,” Cady shrugs. “Um… what’s your favorite thing about Earth, so far? Besides coffee?”

Janis thinks for a while. Cady twines their fingers together in the meantime without thinking about it, giving Janis’ hand a gentle squeeze. Janis squeezes back before she answers.

“You,” she says quietly. “And Damian. Getting to know you face to face is… so much better than watching you from above. And I would never have met him if I hadn’t fallen. I got the best tour guides to Earth.”

Cady is nearly in tears at her answer. “I’m glad I can. Well, I’m not glad you fell. But I am glad it gave me a chance to meet you. I love-“ I love you.

Janis looks at her expectantly.

“I love getting to know you,” Cady finishes. That was close.

Janis grins at her adorably. “Thanks, Caddy.”

“Of course,” Cady whispers. Janis continues talking, saving Cady having to try to recover for a long moment. When the time is up Cady grabs a warm cloth to swipe the mask away with. She finds herself having to actively hold back from kissing the star beneath her.

Maybe she is still stupid with love.

—————-

Janis likes Damian. He doesn’t mind that she doesn’t speak very much, and makes an effort to get to know her anyway. They have little hangouts without Cady from time to time, just to get to know each other.

“Damian?” Janis asks quietly one day as she sits on his bed. Damian pauses his passionate cover of Hello from The Book of Mormon.

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever been in love?”

Damian pauses his backing track and comes to sit next to her. “Not real love, I don’t think. I’ve had, like, crushes and stuff, though. Why?”

“What is it like?” Janis asks. “How do you know?”

“Well, um… you think about them a lot. Want to spend time together, maybe you want to cuddle or kiss them. I always got a kind of warm feeling in my chest whenever I was around him, and it just felt… right, to be together. Like you make sense together,” Damian says. “That’s not a great explanation, sorry.”

“No, it’s-it’s fine,” Janis murmurs.

“Is this prompted by anyone?” Damian asks. “You don’t have to tell me, but I won’t tell them if you don’t want me to.”

“IthinkI’minlovewithCady,” Janis says rapidly. Damian gasps happily and looks at her, then scrambles back on the bed away from Janis. “Is that bad?”

“No, no, that’s-that’s fine,” Damian squeaks. “But what’s happening with your eyes?”

“What?”

“Your eyes are… they’re glowing. Why are they glowing, how long have they done that? Are you a witch?” Damian asks rapidly. Janis runs to look in the mirror, and sure enough, her eyes are glowing a gentle gold color.

She slaps her hands over them and presses her back against the wall. “Don’t freak out.”

“Too late,” Damian calls loudly. “Why the fuck are you glowing, Janis?!”

“Shh,” Janis hushes. “Would you shut up? It’s kind of important other people don’t know about this.”

“But why are your eyes fucking-mmph!” Damian tries to ask again, getting cut off by Janis’ hands slamming over his mouth.

“I’m gonna take my hands away,” Janis says. “And you’re gonna be quiet. I’ll explain, but you have to be calm. Or I will tape your mouth shut. Capiche?”

Damian nods, so Janis removes her hands. He takes a second to breathe. “But are you a witch?” He asks quietly.

“No, I’m not a witch,” Janis grumbles. “I’m a star.”

“You-you-you-“ Damian stutters. “Huh?”

“I’m a star. From the sky,” Janis says. “In your years, I’m about seventeen million years old. I’m Cady’s guardian star. She wished on me and I fell to Earth. And now we’re here.”

Damian blinks at her. “You’re… a star.” Janis nods. “You’re not bullshitting me?” Janis shakes her head. “Prove it. Please.”

“My eyes glowing aren’t enough for you?” Janis asks. Damian shakes his head. “Fine. Grab some sunglasses and oven mitts and meet me in your backyard.”

“What?”

“Just do it,” Janis groans, heading out to the backyard to prepare herself. Luckily, Damian lives in a pretty isolated part of the suburbs. He meets her after a few minutes wearing some cool shades and Animal Crossing patterned oven mitts. “Ready?”

Damian nods, so Janis slips her bracelets off and holds them in her hands. It takes a bit of effort to get them to shift back into her aura, which worries her, but she’ll have to deal with that later. She feels the once familiar warming sensation of her light emanating from her, and the soothing motion of her hair starting to flow down her back. The glow of her eyes is even stronger now.

Damian’s jaw drops in shock. His best friend is a star. He comes up and pokes her arm curiously with one of the mitts. There’s a sizzling noise and a small char mark on the glove, but luckily no other damage. Janis condenses her aura again, this time fashioning some cool piercings that she slips in. They fit her punk look much better. Poor Damian is still trying to process.

“You’re a star,” he says in awe. “That’s so cool! What is star world like? Do you have other star friends? How did you get to be Cady’s star? Do I have a star too?”

Janis grabs him gently and guides him back inside, promising to answer all his questions in due time. The only evidence left behind are two black footprints in the grass where she stood.

————-

Damian has a school show in February. Cady and Janis buy tickets on the first day they’re available, eager to see him in his element.

But Janis has come to a sad realization. Her hair changing colors and her waning ability to change her jewelry back can only mean one thing.

She’s becoming human.

Janis knows she doesn’t belong on Earth. She’s a star. She belongs in the sky, watching over Cady from above. If she stays much longer, she won’t be able to get back.

It’s not as if she wants to leave. She loves Cady in every way a human can love another. And recently, she’s had reason to believe that Cady loves her in return. Janis wants to experience that. But she thinks she wants to be where she belongs more.

Secretly, Janis writes letters. Three, to be precise. One to Cady’s parents to thank them for allowing her to stay with them and being so kind to her. One to Damian, to thank him for being such a good friend and sticking around to take care of Cady Earth side. And one to Cady, saying everything she wants so desperately to say out loud.

She hides them in her backpack, somewhere Cady won’t look until it’s time.

————-

Janis tries to spend as much time as she possibly can with her friends. She makes sure she can do her homework with Cady, and goes to Damian’s house after school almost every day. Neither of them complain. Cady especially doesn’t complain that Janis keeps sneaking into bed with her for cuddles in the middle of the night.

Today is a Damian day. Cady has a Mathletes competition that Janis wasn’t allowed to attend, so Janis gets to invite him over. Damian immediately pulls out a thick script and asks her to help him with his lines.

Janis does happily, curling up next to him on her bed and going off. Damian complains when she keeps giggling at his acting, but they make it through the first act mostly unscathed.

“D, can I ask you something?” Janis asks now that they’re taking a break, hanging off the side of the bed and looking around the room upside-down. Damian flops next to her and does the same.

“Sure.”

“When Caddy and I first met you, you said you had history with Regina,” Janis says. “But she’s not in our history class. What did you mean?”

“Oh,” Damian says. “No, I meant, like, personal history. Drama. We were friends in elementary school. We had dance classes together and stuff. Karen and Gretchen came along a little later and we were all buds. And then I came out as trans in middle school.”

Janis remembers seeing that term when she was researching the LGBT+ community online. She suddenly realizes this story is more personal than she originally anticipated.

“Regina was… not nice about it,” Damian continues after a shaky breath. “We were twelve. She already had some issues and stuff, and I’m honestly not sure she knew what trans meant. Not completely, anyway. She asked me what I thought I was, and I said that I knew I was a boy. And then she just kind of laughed and left me alone. I got to school the next day and there were a bunch of slurs carved into my locker. And suddenly the whole school knew.”

“Oh, Damian,” Janis mumbles. Damian cuddles closer into her when she reaches out. Janis has to hold herself back from unleashing her true form on Regina George and cooking her to a crisp. “That bitch. I’m so sorry.”

“It was what it was,” Damian shrugs. “Anyway, I didn’t know… what to do, really. I thought she would at least be willing to hear me out, learn with me. Still be my friend. But she never talked to me again. I turned around when I saw my locker and ran all the way back home. My mom took me out of school for the rest of the year and I got to go to this drama camp therapy place instead. And then I came back to school as a sophomore. And then this year I met you guys.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Janis murmurs. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Janjan,” Damian says quietly. “Can you only grant Caddy’s wishes or do I get one too?”

“I might be able to pass something on,” Janis chuckles.

“All I’ve wanted from Regina since then is an apology,” Damian says. “Just one genuine ‘I’m sorry’. I don’t even want to see her get, like, hit by a bus or anything anymore. Just that.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Janis whispers. She doesn’t have the heart to tell him it doesn’t quite work that way. But she’ll be damned if she won’t try. “In the meantime, we’re here for you. Cady loves you too, I know. You should tell her too, whenever you feel ready. She’ll support you.”

“Thanks, Jan,” Damian whispers. “Woo, this got too deep, come dance with me.”

Janis happily stands up and does their favorites dances with him. Cady joins in when she gets home, and they have their best sleepover yet. It’s a perfect day.

—————

“Janis?” Cady calls as she enters their shared room on a Thursday. Janis looks up from her easel to see her. “I have a competition tomorrow, do you want to come?”

“Yes,” Janis says immediately. She’s wanted to go to one of Cady’s Mathletes competitions since she first joined the team in the fall, but the opportunity never came up.

“Okay. What are you up to?” Cady says, coming to peek at her painting in progress. “Aww, is that us?”

Janis nods, letting her look at the vaguely abstract painting of their ‘art freak’ trio. She decides against letting her know it’s a goodbye present. That can wait.

“How sweet,” Cady says. “You’ve really improved, wow.”

“Thanks,” Janis murmurs. “How was practice?”

“Good! I think we’re ready,” Cady chirps. “Tomorrow is our biggest competition though, so I’m not sure.”

“You’ll do great,” Janis says confidently.

“Thanks, Jay,” Cady responds with a grin.

-

The next day after school, Janis heads to the auditorium to watch Cady compete. Cady had to wear her uniform to school, and she looks so cute in it that Janis had to walk to class alone to avoid pulling her aside and confessing everything.

She finds a seat close to the front, and on the opposite side to Cady so they can see each other easily. Janis smiles seeing her interact with her teammates. She’s glad Cady has made more friends. It’ll make things easier for both of them when it’s time for Janis to go.

—-

Cady laughs and jokes with her teammates before warm up, but she’s slyly looking for Janis too. She’s scanning the crowd for that familiar part-blonde hair.

She doesn’t find it until they head to their spots at the podium. Cady perks up when she sees her friend and waves happily, laughing when Janis waves back and gives her two thumbs up.

Cady realizes the issue a few equations in. She knows the work and how to do it, but she’s so distracted looking at Janis in the crowd that she almost misses the time. Focus, Cady.

But Janis has the widest smile on her face, watching Cady in her element, that Cady can hardly bear to look away. She shakes her head to try and snap herself back into the competition.

After a while Kevin notices her distraction, and he isn’t pleased. He looks up with her to see what she’s looking at. “Yo, Africa, get your head in the game. Talk to your girlfriend later.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Cady hisses, but she does blush rather violently.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Kevin whispers back.

Cady grumbles nonsense under her breath and scratches down her thinking for the problem. This time she does make it and hits her buzzer to answer first. She’s tied the game. The competition goes into a lightning round, and, as always, her team picks her as their tribute.

Cady looks out to see Janis for a confidence boost, smiling when she sees Janis waving wildly at her and beaming proudly. God, why does she have to be so cute?

She doesn’t notice her time has started until almost half of it is gone, with her teammates yelling at her from behind. She scrambles to grab her pencil and tries to remember what she’s looking for in the first place. Janis, her mind supplies helpfully. Not helpful.

Luckily, the problem is on the screen behind the announcer. Find the limit. She looks back to her math again and continues penciling down her thinking, but the girl across from her slams her buzzer first.

“Shuck,” Cady grumbles under her breath as she gives her answer. Luckily, it’s incorrect and Cady has a chance to steal. “Oh!”

She feels a warm sensation in her head and faintly hears a, “You can do it.” Janis is cheering her on psychically. Cady looks again and realizes something.

“The limit does not exist!” She yells as she slams her buzzer so hard she almost breaks it. The boys erupt into cheers when the announcer reveals she’s correct and has won the event for them.

The audience breaks into polite applause as she shakes her opponent’s hand. Cady laughs as she hears a loud, “Woo!” That definitely came from Janis.

“Is that your girlfriend?” Tyler asks, pointing to the crowd.

“No! Why does everyone keep asking that?” Cady huffs. “She’s just a friend.”

“Then why are you blushing?” Marwan teases.

“Oooooooh, Africa’s crushiiiiiiiiing,” Kevin adds childishly. Cady blushes harder.

“No I’m not!”

“Dude, you were staring at her the whole competition, you almost lost it because of her,” Kevin says, suddenly much more serious. “You so are.”

“Okay, fine,” Cady admits squeakily. “Maybe I am crushing. Just a little.”

“Aww, our baby Mathlete has a crush!” Tyler coos. “And on a girl!”

Cady thinks they’d really get along with Damian. “Yeah, okay, laugh it up. But none of you say anything, I don’t think she likes me back.”

“I don’t know, she never stopped looking at you, either,” Marwan says. “It’s worth a shot.”

“Really?” Cady asks shyly. “No. Never mind. I’ll think about it.”

“We’ll take it,” Kevin says. “She’s probably waiting, you should go.”

“You guys won’t tell anyone?” Cady asks anxiously.

“‘Course not,” Tyler insists. “Go celebrate, Africa.”

Cady grins shyly. “Thanks, guys. Good competition, I’ll see you Monday.”

-

Janis meets her in the parking lot afterwards, startling Cady by scooping her up from behind and spinning her around.

“You won!” Janis cheers happily, wrapping her in the tightest hug Cady thinks she’s ever been in. “I’m so proud of you!”

Cady giggles in her hold. “Thanks, Jay. Did you like watching? I hope you weren’t bored.”

“No, it was fun! You’re very smart,” Janis says, linking their hands together as they start their walk home.

“You have all my knowledge too, you’re smart,” Cady says.

“I may have all the knowledge, but that sure as hell doesn’t mean I know how to use it,” Janis chuckles.

“That’s fair, I guess,” Cady chuckles. “God, I’m tired. I don’t wanna walk. Janis, carry me.”

“Okay,” Janis shrugs. Cady shrieks when she’s suddenly lifted off the ground and being carried baby-style back home. “What?”

“I was joking,” Cady chuckles anxiously. “I didn’t think you could actually carry me. I’m just surprised.”

“Do you want me to put you down?” Janis asks.

“I didn’t say that,” Cady murmurs. Janis chuckles as she cuddles into her neck and stays there the rest of their journey home.

-

Cady truly can sleep anywhere, because she falls asleep in Janis’ hold before they even reach their block. Janis helpfully carries her up the stairs and tucks her into bed, but she doesn’t manage to do it without waking her up.

“Don’t go,” Cady grumbles groggily, clinging to her hand.

“Okay,” Janis murmurs, crawling in after her and letting Cady snuggle into her again. Cady huffs contently. Janis is so soft and warm.

“Tell me a story.”

“About what?” Janis asks.

“I dunno,” Cady yawns. “What was your life like before you came to Earth?”

Janis nods. “Okay. I actually don’t think you’ll find it particularly interesting. I’m kind of like an intern there, I’m not old enough to really be a guardian star on my own. So I meet with the council periodically to discuss how I’m doing, and they tell me what events or other things to watch for while I observe you. Or help me grant your wishes.”

“Council?” Cady asks. She doesn’t even open her eyes.

“That’s the best way I can describe it. Elder stars, or ones that have more experience. Actually, your sun and the one you humans call Sirius are kind of like co-presidents. Council is in charge of carrying out fates, and they give final say on what wishes go through.”

“I never got anything I wished for,” Cady grumbles.

“I am sorry about that,” Janis murmurs. “They don’t work quite the way you would think. We can’t grant them literally, or you humans would realize there’s a sort of higher power at work. So when you wished for a pet cat when you were eight? I sort of… stepped in, and got those twin lion cubs to imprint on you. That’s as close as I was allowed to get.”

“I did love them,” Cady whispers. “Keep going.”

“Okay,” Janis chuckles. “Um… council also decides what happens to stars once their destinies are either fulfilled or broken. Shooting stars are the ones who get exiled for good. It’s sort of like death, but not. Every once in a while they decide who goes supernova, or who forms a black hole, things like that. I’m not sure why they decided to grant your wish literally this time. Or with me. But I’m glad they did.”

Cady puffs contently in her sleep once Janis stops talking. Janis takes that to mean that she’s glad too.

—————

Cady has definitely noticed a shift in Janis’ energy over the last while. Janis doesn’t talk as much, or smile as much. She seems to be making an effort to be with Cady and Damian as much as possible. Cady worries, but Janis promised to tell her if something was wrong.

So, they get ready for Damian’s show together. Janis looks dashing in her floral patterned dress and leather jacket, and Cady nearly matches in her own black dress and pink sweater. They’re opposites, but still go together. It’s rather fitting.

They head in together, holding hands as the house lights go down. They don’t let go.

-

Damian is a marvelous performer. Cady and Janis cheer by far the loudest when his curtain call comes, but it’s hard to tell over the applause of the rest of the crowd.

They meet him in the wings and hand over the flowers they bought on the way there.

“Dame, you were incredible!” Cady cheers, throwing herself at him for a hug. He catches her and holds her close happily.

“She’s right, it was killer,” Janis agrees. She knows she sounds rather melancholy and tries to keep that out of her voice. “Proud of you, dude.”

“Thank you,” Damian says happily. “Let’s go celebrate.”

He takes them to Waffle House for dinner. Cady is delighted, and Janis is cheered up a little just watching her with her favorite food. Her plan was to leave tonight. Maybe she can wait until tomorrow.

Janis snaps out of her thoughts for the time being and chats animatedly with her friends. They watch horror movies in their pajamas back at Damian’s house for a sleepover. Cady hides in Janis’ lap the whole time. Janis doesn’t mind.

Janis doesn’t sleep, either. Cady is snuggled into her chest, snoring quietly. Janis kisses her forehead, and the corners of Cady’s mouth tick up in a little smile. Cady cuddles in closer and snuffles contently. Janis stays awake to watch her all night.

Janis can’t bring herself to say goodbye. It’s not as if she wants to leave the only… family that she’s ever known. But she has to. Janis leaves the letters with each of her friends and heads into the woods nearby before they wake.

-

Cady wakes with a start. Janis is gone.

There’s a letter where she was when Cady drifted off in her warm, soft hold. Cady tears into the one addressed to her.

Cady,

I’m sorry. If you’re reading this then I’m gone.

I don’t belong here, I think you and I both know that. I need to go back. I think I granted your wish well enough. And now you have Damian. I know he’ll stick by you through anything, like you wanted.

Thank you for being my friend. I don’t think I could’ve asked for a better human to be assigned to. Even without my intervention, you’re number one. Keep that going. Keep being you.

I wish I could stay longer, but if I wait any more it’ll be too late. I’m already fading. You wanted to know why my hair turned brown. It changed color because I’m becoming human. I think I have you to thank for that. If I could stay it would’ve been a good thing. Because one of the most human things is to love.

Thank you for showing me what that means. Even though I practically forced my presence into your life, you accepted me with open arms. You treated me like a friend. You helped me adapt to a place I never imagined I would see. Thank you.

I love you so much, Cady. I wish I could’ve told you in person. I wish I could’ve known what it’s like to kiss you, to feel your touch.  To hold you close and call you mine. But it would be too hard to leave you if you knew how I feel. You’ll find someone else. I know you will. I just hope you’re happy at the end of the day, my little bird.

I’ll always remember you. If you ever get lonely, you know where to find me. I’ll be there to watch over you, always. I love you.

Shine bright for me, little star.

Love,

Janis

Cady bursts into tears when she reaches the end of the letter, startling Damian awake.

“Wuzzamatter?” He asks blearily. “Where’s Janis?”

“She’s gone,” Cady sobs. “She said she has to go back.”

“No,” Damian says, scrambling for his own letter. “She can’t be gone.”

“She didn’t even say goodbye,” Cady weeps. “And-and I never got to tell her how much I love her.”

“You guys have a-a link, right?” Damian asks frantically. “Maybe she hasn’t left yet, maybe-maybe we can talk her out of it.”

Cady needs a miracle right now. She focuses hard and turns the connection on, like Janis taught her to. Almost like a compass points north, she feels a compulsion to go west, towards the woods nearby.

“She’s that way, if she’s still here,” Cady sniffles, pointing to the wall. “Come on.”

Damian runs after her barefoot, both of them still in their pajamas. They run almost ten blocks, then hit the edge of the woods. Both of them desperately ignore the rocks and sticks poking their feet as they run into the forest.

A blinding light shines through the trees, and they both wince for a second. Are they too late?

“She’s this way, come on!” Cady yells, running full tilt into the light. “Janis!”

They suddenly burst into a clearing, and Janis lies in the middle. Her light surrounds her, and she seems to be floating.

“Janis!” Cady yells. “Wait, please! Don’t leave! Janis!”

Janis doesn’t react. Cady doesn’t know if she can’t hear her, or if she just won’t. As quick as they noticed it, the light fades, and Janis is gone.

“No,” Cady whimpers. “No, no, please.”

She stumbles forward to where Janis was, frantically feeling around in the grass and mud for any sign of her. All that’s left is ash.

Damian lets her cry and scream for a while before he comes to pick her up and guide her back home. “I know, Cads. I know. She’s still-she’s still here. She’s just back in the sky now. Where she belongs.”

Cady clings to him and sobs, so Damian picks her up to carry her away.

-

Cady pauses her desperate cries when a warm sensation hits her. She opens her eyes and is nearly blinded by another flood of light. “Janis.”

She scrambles out of Damian’s hold and runs back to the clearing. The light is so bright it hurts, but Cady presses on.

Just like the first time, Janis lies in the grass bathed in warm light. She’s not breathing, but her eyes suddenly shoot open and she gasps for breath. But this time she starts to cry.

“Janis,” Cady cries desperately. Janis quickly condenses her aura so Cady isn’t burned when she leaps into her. “What happened?”

“Cady,” Janis sobs. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why did you leave?” Cady demands gently. “Why-why didn’t you even say goodbye?”

“It hurt too much,” Janis chokes. “To know-to know I’d never see you again. I had to do it while I had the nerve.”

“And you-you didn’t think I’d miss you? You didn’t think I would want to say goodbye?” Cady sobs.

“I’m sorry,” Janis whispers, pulling her in. “I’m so sorry.”

Cady accepts the offered comfort and sobs into Janis’ shoulder for a long time. Janis lets her, and buries her own face into Cady’s neck. After a while, Cady chokes, “Why did you come back?”

“It’s not important,” Janis says immediately.

“Yes it is, Janis! I’m happy you’re back, but you can’t keep lying to me,” Cady insists. “Or yourself. What happened?”

“I… I’ve been kicked out,” Janis mumbles. “For good this time. I can’t-I can’t get back.”

“Oh, Jay,” Cady whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

Janis breaks down even harder, clinging to her and mourning the loss of her true home. Cady watches as her hair changes color for the final time, half dark brown and half her original platinum blonde. Half human, half star. Janis’ eyes glow briefly before fading to a gorgeous chocolate brown, and the jewels she’s made from her aura turn heavy. The transformation is complete.

“I’m so sorry,” Janis whimpers. Cady cups her face and looks into her eyes. They can both barely see through their tears, but neither of them care.

“Just don’t leave again,” Cady murmurs softly.

“I can’t, now,” Janis jokes weakly. She’s silenced by a glare from the redhead straddling her lap. “I won’t. I didn’t-I didn’t want to in the first place. I just knew I had to try. And I… I meant what I said. In the letter. Every word.”

“Good,” Cady whispers around a small sob. “Because I mean this.”

Janis gasps quietly as Cady pulls her in and slams their lips together. Cady kisses her hungrily, desperately, telling her everything they both need to hear without words. Janis can feel her soft but firm grip, can taste the salt of their tears mingling on their lips. She can hear the soft sniffles let out intermittently, can reach out to touch and pull her redhead closer, she can smell Cady’s cherry shampoo.

Janis has never felt more human.

Cady pulls back and tips her forehead to rest against Janis’. “I love you. I love you so much, my star.”

“I love you too, my little bird,” Janis murmurs. “So much.”

“You’re smiling,” Cady says with slight confusion.

“I’m happy,” Janis responds with a shrug. “Maybe I can’t go home anymore, but… I have you. I get to learn what it’s like to love you. You’re my home now. All I’ll ever need.”

Cady chokes out a sob and kisses her again. “I’ll help you. I’ll guide you like you did for me. We have each other.”

Damian comes bursting into the clearing then, dripping wet and panting slightly. Janis gently removes Cady from her lap and runs full tilt towards him.

He catches her with a small grunt, but holds her close. “You’re back.”

“Forever,” Janis confirms. “I’m sorry.”

“The only thing you have to apologize for is that fucking light of yours,” Damian grumbles. “I couldn’t see when you came back and I fell in the pond.”

So that’s why it had taken him so long to find them. “I’m sorry about that, too.”

“You’d better be,” Damian huffs. “What happened?”

Janis turns to look at her love, who is now lying on her stomach and chatting animatedly with a squirrel. Janis doesn’t think her old star magic had anything to do with it, that kind of thing just seems inherent to Cady.

“She happened,” Janis whispers. “She’s been the answer from the beginning. I just know it now.”

Cady looks up when she feels their gaze on her, smiling when she sees Janis. She comes running towards them when Janis reaches out for her. They hear a quiet gasp when they both lean in for a kiss.

“What happened, Dame?” Cady asks worriedly when they pull back.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Damian grumbles. “Can we get you lovebirds home so I can dry off?”

“Yeah, come on,” Cady chuckles. She stands in the middle and holds both of their hands, clinging to Janis especially tightly. They leave Damian at his house with the promise to meet again for lunch before heading back to their own.

Cady lies down on her bed, exhausted from the morning, and pulls Janis down with her. Janis falls with a gentle huff and cuddles in closer.

“Jay?” Cady murmurs against her chest.

“Hmm?”

“Why did you get kicked out?”

“The first time, I didn’t know. I was never great at being a star either, I thought council deciding to grant your wish with me meant I was being fired, basically,” Janis chuckles. “That’s why I was so crabby. I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

“And this time?” Cady asks quietly.

“Because I was meant to,” Janis says, stroking through Cady’s hair gently. “All along.”

“Huh?”

“Stars work a little differently from humans,” Janis says. “We have destinies, fates we have to fulfill. We’re kind of like puppets, in a weird way. We don’t even get to know our own destinies. Humans don’t have them, you’re- we’re- free to make our own decisions. Every once in a while a star just grants a wish to give you a little nudge in the right direction.”

“So… your destiny was to-“ Cady stumbles.

“To be with you,” Janis finishes. “From the moment the universe was created, we were destined to be together. I just didn’t know it until now.”

“So we’re like soulmates?” Cady asks, tipping up to look at her. Janis presses a sweet kiss against her lips before she answers.

“Kind of,” Janis agrees. “But it was never foretold what our relationship was meant to be. We could’ve stayed friends, or been… enemies, or just strangers who met in passing. You could’ve kicked me out when I showed up in the backyard and that would’ve been that. Or you could’ve waited to make that wish until you were eighty years old, we’ll never know. All that was ever dictated was that we meet and I stay near you. Falling in love was our doing. And now that I’m a human, I don��t have a destiny anymore. I’ve been fulfilled. I make my own life. The rest is up to us, now.”

Cady blinks at her. “Then I’m glad it turned out this way. I love you.”

“Me too, my little star,” Janis murmurs back. “Me too.”

I love you more than all the stars in the sky.

-

thanks for reading!! i apparently have hit the maximum number of text blocks (tumblr, ew) so get ready for a text block!! in some sad news, there will not be a new chapter next week. i need to take some time for myself for the sake of my own mental health. i’ve noticed a few little inklings of burnout, which is not what i want!! i want to continue this and give you guys quality stuff to read. im hoping that this will give me a chance to build up a cache of works so i’m not scrambling to write in a week to get stuff posted, and that will give me more time for myself. in some bittersweet news, this is also my last (for now) original idea! from here on i’ll be reliant on requests to keep going. im gonna finish some older ones and then hopefully, finally, open them up again!! yay! anyway, thank you all so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed!! lots of love, ezzy

[dangan-happy]

(Tell Kokichi to give me the Wi-Fi password... now.) idc who answers at this point. Maybe Hiroko please? She’s pretty upfront and I guess I need a parental figure, especially a mum because well, mine isn’t the best irl. Anyway, hi. So long story short, had a gf, dated for like a week, broke up. Why? Cause I apparently miss my last crush when I don’t at all. I was venting over how much she hurt me but my ex took that as missing them. And they said it isn’t fair to be with her but I — (1/?)

I-I hope you don't mind having me answer th-this ask, ki-kiddo. D-Don't worry, Usami and Komaru have filled th-this old man on wh-what he needs to know, s-so I-I'm aware of your situation here.

I-I gotta say, ki-kiddo... you've b-been through the whole n-nine yards and back. K-Komaru and Usami were quite bummed wh-when they read this ask themselves, a-and I can understand why. St-Still, I agree wi-with what you said. It's n-not only unfair to get over s-someone so quickly, b-but in most cases, it's unrealistic t-to be expected to get over s-someone so easily and quickly, y'know? N-Not to sound like a, u-um, smartbutt here, b-but even if I wasn't wearing my gl-glasses, it'd be pretty clear t-to see that there's quite the difference b-between missing an ex, and s-simply confiding in someone ab-about how much they hurt you. Missing and b-being hurt are two entirely d-different things. A-And hey, I-I understand the jealousy issue. Y-Your ex shouldn't have done th-that! Th-That's just wrong o-of them to do!

... R-Ryo, kiddo, I-I understand how y-you feel. R-Really, I do. I can just feel the pain and d-despair s-seeping through your ask here. H-However, a-as difficult as it may c-currently be, pl-please try your best t-to not give up. I-I get the exhaustion a-and wanting to just give up, but a-as a father myself a-and a overall parental figure, I-I'm not going to stand by and let you s-sink further into despair. I-I have hope in you, ki-kiddo, a-and I always will. T-Take a break f-from relationships a-and love, a-and just focus on yourself f-for however long y-you want and need to, okay? Y-You know that saying, "There's light at the end of the tunnel"? W-Well, th-that saying is true in th-this case. Th-The light might be a bit f-faraway, s-sure, but I-I'll do my best to help you out h-however I can. A-And knowing you, y-you'll be able t-to get through this. Y-You may not believe i-it now, b-but you're a very strong ki-kiddo, Ryo. S-So for now, t-take it easy and rest u-up, but keep fighting b-back against this d-despair! I believe in you!

... A-Ah, I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ramble so much there, kiddo. I-I sure h-hope this old man didn't g-get on your nerves or anything. A-Anyway, before I pass this off to Hiroko, w-would you be okay with a hug, o-or even just a pat on the back? It's okay i-if you don't want one, b-but if you're okay with one o-or the other, then I'd be willing t-to give you such. Y-You sound like you could u-use some physical comfort. O-Oh, sorry, I'm taking up too much o-of your time. H-Here, lemme let H-Hiroko give her input now... s-sorry about that, Ms. Hagakure!

~

It's 'lright, Tai, couldn't have said it better myself. Alright, kiddo, my turn. First off, you sound like a good person, and you surely didn't deserve the stuff you're goin' through. A little birdie told me a bit of the story and I'm just ... really sorry. I'm not exactly the greatest with relationships, so this ain't my forte. But lemme try my best.

People suck: front and center. And you're not gonna change 'em. But what you can do is take time to focus on yourself. People like that are only gonna drag you down, even though you're freakin' priceless. Your mental health matters just as much as the next person, and relationships can wear your down. Ryo, you're hurtin', and that's okay. That's completely valid. And if someone sees that hurt as "love"? They've obviously got some problems of their own. And if they treat their best friend better than you? That's simply just another problem. Two massive problems.

You're loved, Ryo, by the people that matter most. It doesn't matter who they are, but if they truly care about you? They're not gonna leave over some bullshit reason like that. You deserve to have the love of your life, and they're gonna make you feel good. But you have to at least love yourself a 'lil before then. You can't love someone unless you love yourself, sweetheart.

Now, here's a hug if you wanna take it. You're gonna be just fine, kiddo, I promise. I'm sorry if I upset ya at all, just tryin' to be upfront like you asked. You're great, and that ain't gonna change, no matter who you're datin'. Drink some water and rest, you've been through a lot. And forget about the idiots who obviously only care about themselves. You're priceless, remember.

[whileyoursleeping]

Hi! *shoves her way into your previous ask box about Twitter trolls without being invited*.

I find it tragically ironic that we're finding out mean Twitter people are being rude about Kitty!Buck at the same time you update that marvelous work of fiction with a chapter in which Buck tells Eddie Twitter is toxic. Given your reply to that ask, and how on the nose you are about literally everything else of import, I can only assume people like this in general are why you brought it up. Imagine these people calling themselves out like that. Like... if you're going to complain about an extremely well written piece of fiction on the basis of being different, what else are you out there being an unsolicited tool about?

Anyway - regardless of how totally wrong they are, it sucks to know it's even happening. That doesn't feel good. So, as another random internet stranger, I'm here to tell you that I've been surfing fanfiction for various fandoms for nearly 15 years and you are easily among the Top 5 Writers I have ever encountered. I have reread many of your works multiple times (including Kitty!Buck). The quality of your writing and the creativity of your mind and how you express it encourages me to get out of my own fiction comfort zone and read different things, and your work has ALWAYS rewarded me for doing that. You entertain me and your fiction is both comfort food and food for thought, and I cannot express enough how impressive that is.

It absolutely breaks my heart hearing about excellent authors being dragged by anyone, let alone individuals who likely don't have even an ounce of the talent you have in your pinky toe. Thank you for sharing your art with this fandom ❤

(I also REALLY hope you still have all your toes, otherwise I feel like an asshole so, sorry about that).

firstly, i recognise your username! welcome to the discourse, friend! <3

look, my first week on fandom twitter i watched a bunch of 20 year olds gang up on a 15 year old and tell her to kill herself. so. poor introduction in general. i saw doxxing. i saw (and continue to see) CONSTANT harassment of the cast of 9-1-1. i do not know how oliver put up with it so long. yes, i do tend to incorporate things into my fics that bother me IRL - namely, how truly horrible people can be to each other under the face of anonymity and with a little fake internet power. and we aren't even talking bagging fics here, we're talking a larger scope of parasocial relationships and faux-power. at the end of the day (and i just made a post about this) they have the right to discuss work once it's published and out in the open. they have the right to not like it - and they didn't come here or to my fic to spew hate about it. so, like, kudos on that front?

and thank you so much for your kind words - i actually might've teared up a lil but i'm having a total shitshow of a week lol. i want people to get something from my work. to me, my favourite works of fiction are like coming home and finding catharsis, and that's what i'm ultimately trying to achieve in my writing. contemporary fiction is often overlooked or even described as "predicting the future" when a lot of the time, no matter what the medium is, it's a reflection of what's going on in the world. kitty buck is (ridiculous concept and excuse for shameless fluff aside) my interpretation of what i've seen the last two years - mindless and truly unmitigated hatred towards all groups that aren't white and cisgender, but at the same time, finding those few members of your A-team who always have your back. (someone should stop me because i WILL prattle about fiction writing as a historical benchmark forever if left unchecked)

they can go ahead and drag me. it's not going to stop me from writing. might give me fuel for thought, but it will absolutely not stop me from writing.

i do have all my toes. and fingers, for that matter. i did have to check because its 12:53am and i am TIRED lol

[incomingalbatross]

Psych, Shaun and Juliet!

Hmm!

So... I don't think Shawn is much of an internet guy, honestly. My impression is that he browses for information (useful and otherwise) quite a bit, but he much prefers his social life to be IRL, face-to-face interaction, even if it's casual.

So, because of that--and because you'd probably have to move them around in time ANYWAY--I think I would probably do this by putting twenty-something Shawn and Jules in the present. As in, during quarantine.

Quarantined Shawn is, unsurprisingly, going out of his mind with cabin fever. He's in some random town in the US, where he was only planning to stay for a couple weeks but surprise! Now he's in his small, probably-not-quite-legal rental for the duration. He does get a grocery store job, which gives him something to live on and something to do, but it's not exactly fun work and the lack of recreational activity/interaction is seriously messing with him.

HOWEVER, it's 2020 and that means there are at least a lot of options for long-distance hanging out with Gus.

This means that, before too long, Gus talks him into ordering a Switch so he can see Gus's Animal Crossing island

(I know NOTHING about AC except all the Tumblr content, but that's enough to know it's exactly the kind of thing Shawn and Gus would get sucked into)

Shawn makes his own Pineapple Island, full of custom pop-culture stuff and MANY pineapples, and quickly becomes very engrossed in making it the Best Island Possible, because he has nothing else to focus on! This involves finding ways to make trades with other players

Enter Juliet (FINALLY) who is ALSO under quarantine stress in Miami and using AC to escape

Shawn tries to get the best of her in a deal

He does not succeed

Impressed by this, Shawn stays in contact with her and makes a better second impression. They "visit" back and forth

Jules's island is VERY cute, but she's also ruthless in running it the way she likes it

At some point they have a disagreement over something trivial, and Jules challenges Shawn to single combat

Shawn: "...I hate to break it to you, but this game doesn't have a combat mode?"

Jules: "There are other games."

She ALSO plays first-person-shooters, as it happens, and they end up arranging to meet in one and go head-to-head

Shawn is not a gamer, but he gets on early and figures out the mechanics, and he's a quick study with an excellent grasp of tactics

Jules wipes the floor with him

She is EXPERIENCED. She's a MUCH higher level than him, and has the skills to back it up

But what Shawn does get out of this is the realization that the challenge and adrenaline of FPS are also fun, and he starts playing with her there too

...Now they have voice chat

As one of them is Shawn, they talk a lot. This is where they really become friends, though they still don't know a lot of IRL Facts about each other. At some point Jules starts joining him and Gus sometimes when they're streaming cartoons together

BUT. Sometimes in the heat of virtual combat, Jules starts slipping into cop lingo. And Shawn responds automatically, because he knows this stuff, and since he's not always sure what's common knowledge and what isn't it takes a while to make him wonder about Jules

But eventually he asks where she learned it, and she goes "...I don't really tell people this often, online, but. Yeah. I'm a police officer"

And Shawn doesn't let his reaction show over the mic (just says, when she returns the question, that "my dad was a cop" in a closed-off sort of tone), but after they part ways he sits there, in his tiny apartment, with all his Henry Issues rushing forward, thinking I've fallen for a COP

"HOW COULD THE UNIVERSE DO THIS TO ME, GUS"

He decides he can live with it, though. He doesn't actually dislike the police as a whole, and he can be a supportive friend at least, right?

At some point he finds out she was getting ready for her detective's exam when quarantine started, and he goes "Oh, I could help you study, I took that when I was 16"

He DOES help, but this also leads to Shawn's Cop Skills being revealed to her

Somewhere in here, I think, they have a late-night conversation about Jules's dad and why she's a cop, and Shawn's dad and why he's not a cop

Fun Fact: I'm pretty sure at this point in canon Jules and Henry BOTH live in Miami

If not, well, it's already an AU 🤷

At some point Shawn finds out she lives in Miami

"...If you ever get a call about a cantankerous old coot named Henry Spencer," he says a couple hours after that, "let me know how he's handling this? Because Gus says he says he's fine, but he's probably going crazy alone without anyone else's rule-breaking to disapprove of. *chuckle* He's probably reduced to yelling at the TV."

So... Jules looks up the name, and finds Henry's called in some tips to the Miami PD over time (he IS a Spencer), though not recently

And

Here's the thing

Jules WANTS to respect her friend's privacy, and his obviously-superior knowledge of his own relationships... But she is a bit of a Meddler. And she ALSO wants Shawn to be able to have a better relationship with his dad, even if it's just the level of HER not-close-but-amicable parallel

And she's heard enough frustration and hurt and occasional wistfulness in his voice to think that, on some level, he really wants that too

So she makes up a reason to meet Henry Spencer, at six feet apart--something police-related, I don't know, maybe just driving through the neighborhood "checking up on people"

And... He's nice. Since he's also starved for human company, it's easy to get your conversation, and he has a lot of good advice to give her as a young officer.

He says he'd offer her cookies if it weren't for the contagion issues (Henry would be a quarantine baker, this is just a fact)

Jules knows that "likeable" and "good parent" don't have to corolate, of course, but she's surprised by how much she likes him

And then "loved ones currently out of reach" come up, because Quarantine Topics

Henry goes on a bit of a rant about his son who's who-knows-where, allergic to authority, and has ZERO sense of self-preservation. "His friend SAYS he's fine, but it's hard to imagine him keeping quarantine, you know? If he is, he's probably bored out of his mind..."

It's not hard to get Henry talking about Shawn

There's bitterness and disapproval there, and stuff Jules disagrees with... But there's pride, too, and fondness, and worry

She leaves sure of two things: A) she still wants him and Shawn to make up, and B) she's going to have to tell Shawn about this, because it feels wrong to keep it a secret

(Shawn is angry, but eventually she gets him to understand that her only real desire here is for him to be okay and not have to carry this hurt around)

(and he's also invested in hearing what she can tell him about his dad)

(so he's okay with her going back)

I'm not sure how things develop here, exactly, but Jules gets closer to Henry and Shawn over time (and Gus! Gus is helpful to this project, as well, though he doesn't want to take sides AT ALL)

I think Jules just ends up being in the right place, at the right time, to be a bridge between them

Eventually Henry and Shawn get in direct contact for the first time in years. It's still difficult, but Jules sets up some weekly game thing for the four of them, and just spending time together helps

Also! Jules has been talking about hard cases with Shawn for a while, but now they come up in the group as well. Watching BOTH the Spencer men solve something together is very impressive...

And at some point they start playing a puzzle game together, just the two of them. They fight, of course, but when the intellectual thrill outweighs their bad blood and they get on the same page, it's... Something to watch. And eventually this teamwork becomes a more consistent thing, and they can beat Gus and Jules at certain types of games, now, as a team

(Also, Words With Friends. Henry is very offended by all the "words" this game allows, which delights Shawn immensely)

Anyway this is why, when the quarantine lifts, the first place Shawn goes will be Miami

He'll see his dad, of course, but first he'll wait outside the Miami precinct for a certain Detective O'Hara (whose name and face he knows by now, of course)

"Excuse me, miss, would you like to see my island?"

"Shawn!"

And then he asks her out.

Jules... Likes him. She knows that. But she tells him she can't do an on-again, off-again thing with him, and if he doesn't know where he's going to be in a year, or five years, or if he'll ever settle anywhere...

He tells her he's actually been thinking, with everything that's happened recently, about being a detective for real. He can't be a cop, but he can be a PI... Not without Gus, though, which means moving home and setting up shop in Santa Barbara. "I do want this to be a real thing, Jules, you and me. It would have to be long-distance, at least for now, but..."

She dimples suddenly, looking up at him. "I think we've proven we can do long-distance, Shawn."

[buildarocketboys]

For the fandom thing, Robin hood bbc? And for the character one, guy of gisborne?

Ahhh Rouke I love you so much for this!

Robin Hood BBC:

Favorite character: Guy of Gisborne (who else? I blame Richard Armitage, Sarah Kennedy on radio 2 for planting the idea in my head, and my easily swayed 12 year old self. But also he's a good fucking character lol)

Least favourite character: uhhh as a *character* probably Robin. Literally such an arrogant piece of shit who rarely acknowledges his own privilege (when it comes to his gang and the fact that he's a noble and they're...not) or his own faults. And we're still meant to see him as the ultimate good guy/hero. Pass.

5 favourite ships:

- Guy/Marian (I want to be clear though, this is one of those ships where the character dynamic is absolutely fascinating and a joy to watch, but I honestly don't think it actually becoming canon would be a) a good story or b) good for either of them)

- Guy/Allan (just. I fucking love how Allan gives no shits and treats Guy like a normal fucking human. He calls him Giz! And that dream Guy has about both Marian AND Allan massaging his shoulders while sweet talking him...I'm just saying. Anyway as opposed to Guy/Marian I actually think these two are good for each other and I wish their dynamic had been explored more, especially when Guy joins the outlaws in s3 but it's not explored *at all*)

- Marian/friendship with any female character. Fucking seriously. Let her vibe with Djaq (although ig I hc Djaq as nb. Any non-male character then) and bitch about the boys. PLEASE. She needs it.)

- Marian/Allan friendship (I'm realising doing this that I care far more about the friendships in this show than the romantic relationships. But seriously, these two people are in exactly the same position in opposite sides ie spies for the various teams, and that's fascinating, especially as Allan still protects Marian/has her back after he's found out. They probably kind of mildly dislike each other at first but it's bc they see a lot of their worst selves in each other. But honestly together these two can rule the world with banter and pure deviousness)

- Much/literally anyone who respects and values him as a person I'm begging you pleassssee (seriously, he gets this for like half an episode with Eve, which is lovely, but then it's back to being the butt of the Gang's jokes and Robin's punching bag/servant/""best friend"". And when Much wants any kind of display of friendship and affection from Robin, Robin makes fun of it and acts like it's such a chore. Ugh.)

Character I find most attractive: Guy of Gisborne started off my lifelong Richard Armitage obsession so it can't be anyone else. That is a beautiful, beautiful man. Marian is also gorgeous.

Character I would marry: Djaq or Much

Character I would be best friends with: literally all of Team Castle - Guy bc he badly needs /someone/ to be his friend (although I doubt he'd let me), Allan bc he'd be hilarious, Marian bc we could bitch about everyone and just have some good times. Ultimately Allan is probably the kind of person I'd be most likely to befriend irl.

A random thought: @Robin King Richard sucks bro and when he dies Prince John is gonna be king anyway, monarchy as a concept sucks anyway, consider dismantling it instead of putting all your faith in things getting better when the king returns

An unpopular opinion: I actually don't hate s3 the way much of the fandom seems to? Yes it was a trainwreck (hello? Have you watched this show? The whole thing is a trainwreck) and I hate that Marian died but I do think it went some interesting places we hadn't been before, especially re Guy (who lbr is the character I care most about). Don't get me wrong, it didn't do it very well, but I rewatch it more than s1.

My canon OTP:....uhhhhhh....does Guy/Marian count?? They're not really an OTP anymore though (although they used to be when I was like. 13.) They just have a cool dynamic.

My non-canon OTP: Guy/Allan ig

Most badass character: Marian, 100%. Especially s1 Marian. Icon. Queen of guerrilla fighting and sassy comebacks and saying fuck you to men.

Most epic villain: I guess the Sheriff? Idk about epic but he is the epitome of cartoonishly evil, which is fun to watch. Love to hate him.

Pairing I am not a fan of: Robin/Marian 🤢🤢🤢 (not saying it's bad if you ship it lmao, Robin is kind of a dick but it's more I can't stand how unbearably cheesy it is)

Character I feel the writers screwed up: What character DIDN'T they screw up? But I feel like they screwed over Isabella the worst. They made her seem unreasonably evil when her anger was entirely 100% valid and fair.

Favourite friendship: None of the friendships I actually enjoy were written to their full potential. But I guess Guy and Allan?

Character I most identify with: Allan or Djaq

Character I wish I could be: wouldn't want to be in her situation but would love to be as badass as Maz

Guy of Gisborne:

How I feel about this character: my terrible overdramatic emo son. Wish he could have had a proper redemption arc without killing Marian.

Any/all people I ship romantically with this character: Marian and Allan. And I guess Meg for the brief moment in time where that was a thing.

My favourite non-romantic relationship for this character: I know we only get a hint of it (and she dies) but I love Guy's relationship with Ghislaine. I just feel like they had such a loving relationship and then it all went to hell :( I also kind of think both Guy/Marian and Guy/Allan might work better/be more interesting as friendships

My unpopular opinion about this character: tbh in this fandom even liking him is an unpopular opinion to a lot of people 😂 I think if you took away the sheriff, he'd treat Marian better than Robin treats her (I mean, in some ways he already does but also like...he burns her house down soooo)

One thing I wish had happened with this character in canon: oh boy so many things. But the two places my mind goes most often are 1. Escaping the castle (with Allan and/or Marian), probably after Treasure of the Nation (ie my favourite RH episode of all time) and either joining the gang (equal parts hilarious and angsty) or starting a life somewhere new, away from all this bullshit and 2. Just more gang shenanigans after he joins them in s3. We had some, which was great, but I would have love to see more, to see him grudgingly becoming the weird ex villain friend and then actually building relationships with some of the gang

Favourite friendship: Allan

My crossover ship: Guy + therapy (also I'm sure I've thought about this before but I really can't think of a good answer). Maybe Eleanor Shellstrop (as friends)? I feel like that would be a fun dynamic to explore.

[ziracona]

I don't think that anyone has asked yet, so how's Ace, nea and Min doing after the events in ILM? What do they choose to do??

Really well!

Ace has a lot of money in gold, so he basically retires. Invests some, saves some, does some charity work, and also finds and cons rich people into paying exorbitant money for realm collectible souvenirs so he can have more money to put to a good use. Looks after the girls, visits his family and gives them money, travels a lot. They keep the Indiana house, but I think end up with one or two other small homes in other countries. Usually them out cheap to college students or people in need whenever they aren’t living there.

Min goes back to pro esports for a year, but decides she’s kind of over it. Starts a twitch channel instead, and a patreon. Gets hugely popular off existing fame from gaming and the realm, and is known for her wild commentaries and agressive playstyle. Twitch streams a bunch of stuff with Nea too. Takes her money to buy her friends gifts and go places, but also uses some of it to help people and causes she cares about. Nea does art, and gets some of her murals into a gallery and is super happy. Even with fame, it’s not exactly what should be a life-sustaining job, but Min and Ace don’t really give a damn and pay for homes. Nea feels bad about this, but Min is like “Brah like. You get how wack it is that you spend hours doing labor and hard work to make paintings with spray paint, while I get on Twitch and play Witcher for two hours and make more than you do a day, right? You’re not lazy shits just fucked, and we can’t change that but like, fkn don’t feel bad economy is what it is. I’m not doing anything more valuable or hard than you are, and I love your stuff, and I make you do Twitch with me so you should get a cut of that too anyway. Never feel bad people don’t appreciate art as much as they should. Get mad if you want, but if you stare thinking you suck because I can make a shit ton by having name recognition and wearing a cute top while I shoot zombies, I will smack you and then make you go on a romantic trip to feel better for a whole week.” And she feels a lot better, and decides to try to branch out and learn more and improve herself as an artist and find what exactly she might want to do with it.

Both girls get pretty invested in trying to help programs for girls, and then just teens in general, with bad home lifes, and helping them to safer situations and more opportunities for the future. Ace has a lot of money, Nea some, and Min quite a bit, but they’re not like, /loaded/—like, Park-Family loaded, so, they have quite a bit to spend, but still have to think and pay attention too. And they try to. They splurge on trips and fun times, but buy cheap stuff at home and Ace forced himself to be responsible with a savings account, and all three hate the idea of having to learn to do money responsibly, but they do. And, with that, figure out how to sustain and plan and still have plenty they can donate where they think it’s needed. Nea and Meg have a conversation one night about how weird it is to have /some/ money when they were both dirt poor before, lose their minds over an idea they get, and then spend the next week tracking down online friends and old pals irl, and people who like, were kind to then when they were younger, or helped out Meg’s Mom when she needed that, and give each one a thousand bucks. Which should have kinda cleaned those two out a little, but David is like *coughs inconspicuously, hides money in a drawer so they can think they just had more all along* and gives them some in support of how sweet that is and becuase while he is a rich boy, he’s a real decent man and he’s doing his best. (They pick almost 30 people between them, so give away 30,000 dollars as thanks for being a friend or kind, sometimes to nearly complete strangers. This is paid for with their supply of cash from their realm gold, which Ace helped both sell for more then face value to collectors. For several survivors, it’s like winning a baby lottery and suddenly having a couple thousand to couple hundred thousand Gs, and for most of them that’s like, buy a house, pay off my parents’a mortgage, lose my student loan debt, plus some left over for future life, hella life-changing kind of money. And so Nea and Meg are like “Yooo! We could actually kinda help old friends like we always used to want to! And it turns into this. So like—Lots of people on like, Meg’s ancient Percy Jackson RP forum getting “hey u got PayPal?” PMs for a chick they were tight with fifteen years ago and are like “?? Scam huh.” And take some real convincing, then live out a great but surreal next week. Min gets in on this too, but she only had like one friend, rip.)

In a lot of ways, both girls and even Ace are still find in themselves though. Regrettably I don’t know what anyone from ILM does after the first like 5-10 years, so I’m not sure how it ends up—yet anyway—but they’re a solid support system and loving family, and I think whatever direction they end up choosing, they’re gonna do just fine.

[estelofimladris]

The Healer: Critical Role

[ warning: here follows a long rambling story of feelings about losing a fandom and finding new love and happiness in an unexpected way ]

Here’s a little personal story about how some fandoms hurt and some heal. It goes from Fillory to Exandria. (It feels really right when I say it that way.)

I wasn’t ready for the healing that I got, but it’s here now. Thank Sarenrae.

Everyone loves that thunderstruck feeling when you fall in love with a fandom. It’s literally like all the tropes about falling in love. You meet and sometimes there’s just a spark.

That was me with The Magicians. I spent a year immersed in a welcoming fandom in a show that made me feel seen and whole. I had friends in the fandom as well as the friends irl who were into the show. I got to dive into it when I really needed a fandom to help carry me a little through a hard time.

It was heaven. Until it wasn’t.

In April of 2019, The Magicians broke my heart. Again, just like all the tropes about love. Just like a bad breakup, there’s things about it that I really enjoyed, but at the end of the day, I can’t go back to the way things were with that fandom. No matter how welcoming the fandom remained, I couldn’t go back because the show had cut me so deeply.

Then through 2019 and into 2020, I drifted through some new loves and lived in my love of some of my oldest fandoms. Lots of Star Wars. New excitement from Good Omens, The Dragon Prince, and The Old Guard. It’s not to say that I don’t love these things, but at least two of my new favs are, for the time being anyway, done. And, though Star Wars (and in the same breath my other love Marvel) are never really done, I like loving them in a bubble because as anyone in those fandoms knows it can be a complicated relationship.

Also in late 2019, my buddy @wittynamehere1443 decided she wanted to try and run a D&D campaign for our family of misfits. I hadn’t played since high school (D&D 3.5) and was super excited to get back into it. I picked up quite a bit while prepping to play from a mix of reading, remembering old things, and watching some tutorials and stuff on ye ol’ YouTube. I had dabbled in tabletop, but never thought I’d go charging back in, but once I started I couldn’t stop.

I immersed myself in as much as I could, but I’m really a visual & kinesthetic learner, so eventually I was going to have to supplement my book-learning with some real-play to really understand. I played as much as I could as I delved deeper, but even as I dove, I realized I wanted to do more. I started to write my own campaign setting and adventures. I suddenly found myself needing to just know how D&D worked without having to always have the books open.

Now, I had been lightly introduced to some real-play before I really understood what it was. A buddy of mine had shown me a clip of Critical Role out of context quite some time ago and I really didn’t understand how so many people I knew and shared a lot of crossover interests with could be so obsessed with watching 8 people play D&D.

My buddy who was now my DM had consumed all of The Adventure Zone and had very lovely things to say about it and I had the lingering curiosity about Critical Role form the many people who had recommended it to me as well as the complete mystery attached to why people loved it so. And me, being a big lover of visuals and being at home because of COVID, dipped my toe into real-play with the first episode of Critical Role back in late June.

I did it completely on my own at first, which is rare given that most things I watch, I watch them with my best friend and roommate, @hawkeyekate.

( Also, as a weird note, I’ve managed to deftly avoid most spoilers about Critical Role up to this point and I’m not completely sure how. I know one big one in Campaign 2, but until yesterday (when I watched the first episode of Campaign 2) I didn’t even know the classes of 1/2 of the Mighty Nein. I didn’t even know Sam played Nott until about three weeks ago. That bubble has come in very handy. )

I immediately began to get out of it what I was originally there for: great real-play with explanations of rules (especially vs. house rules and the whys of everything). Watching the cast fumble through transitioning from Pathfinder to D&D 5e was very helpful to me because I had some similar questions from the figments of memory I had from 3.5 as well as my other random tabletop experience. I was completely inspired and found myself cranking through pages upon pages of my own world and campaigns as well as delving deeper into my characters that I’d been honing already.

I quickly noticed that I was worrying less about the rules when I played and was getting to enjoy my character for who he is. I was starting to craft interesting mechanics and not just story in my adventures I was writing.

Lightning had struck and suddenly I was in love in a way I hadn’t been in a long time.

As I was watching Critical Role, I definitely wasn’t just learning to be a stronger DM and a better player. I found myself able to tell the twins apart. I was invested in the mysteries as they unraveled in Exandria. I hung on Mercer’s every word.

Then without warning, when the party said goodbye to Pike in Vasselheim, I found myself in tears. I don’t know why but I remember being so struck by that moment. I knew it was partly because Ashley was leaving for New York, but the story for Vox Machina hit a soft spot for me. I was no longer just watching 9 people play D&D. I was invested in the story, the characters, and the world.

I was suddenly a Critter.

I think notoriously at this point, when I fall for a fandom, its often connected to a character. I saw in Vax’ildan a lot of things that really sucked me in from the beginning. He is at the same time like many of my favorite characters of my youth and like many of my favorite characters as an adult. I feel like he’s my heartstrings manifest in a lot of ways, complete with many of the flaws in that.

Then what was a slow crawl accelerated. I would occasionally ramble to @hawkeyekate about the adventures of Vox Machina and it would be on when she was around, but she wasn’t exactly watching it with me. Then at some point during “The Trial of the Take”, she was suddenly sitting with me to watch. She was asking me to pause when she had to go do something - and wait for her.

We were watching together.

We were acutely aware of how the twins echoed things in us and that often we are referred to in the same sentence in the same way. I had my Vex’ahlia.

Only a little over a month later, we’ve battled Briarwoods and now we’re hunting Vestiges and gathering allies. It is a rare day that we don’t watch a little Critical Role. I sport my “Gilmore’s Glorious Goods” shirt. I’ve read Vox Machina: Origins and am making plans for two cosplays already.

I’ve also DM’d six sessions of my first adventure-turned-campaign in my own world I’ve built, Perlen. I play tabletop two-to-three days a week with my friends via the internet. I hoard dice.

I’ve fallen in love again and this time it feels safe.

I know good and bad things will come for Vox Machina ahead. I know the same can be said for The Mighty Nein in my future as well, but the Critters in my life have been so welcoming and it’s been so nice to have something new to talk to my friends about. And I trust the cast of Critical Role not to destroy things just because they made them like The Magicians creators did, a trust I didn’t think I would grow back any time soon. I know that some of the pains in Critical Role aren’t just scripted but are actually to chance, which gives me comfort, too. People live and die by the dice in tabletop and I can abide that. It doesn’t mean I won’t cry and ache every time something bad happens to them because I love them all.

So I will go running through Tal’dorei and look forward to Wildemount while I carve out the mountains and seas of my world of Perlen. I’ll cry when they hurt and smile every time Pike and Grog talk. I’ll be healed the way that stories can in ways I didn’t expect, which has now happened much more than once.

I’m here now and I love it.

[ special shout-out to the Critters in my life that have been so welcoming. Especially my super-enabler, @oniumbra. ]