#all my school friends have 6+ months relationships and im the only single one

[ptolemaeaea]

i feel like im gonna remain hopelessly single 4eva

[not-alien-girl-v]

Hello! Could I request a tate langdon x trans male reader? (Sorry for requesting tate I know you get him alot)

note: you know what you are right i do get tate a lot but the tumblr girlies have been eating him up lately so this one goes out to the transmascs and/or tate lovers. also writing this on my phone and my fat ass thumbs are not doing all that work of clicking shift so this will be all lowercase. anyway i’m writing this sleep deprived at midnight so i am going to wake up tomorrow morning and forget i wrote this most likely

warning: language probably idk i write my warnings before i write the fic and i just predict what the fuck im going to add in idk i should stop

the dead of winter makes things feel quiet. you barely hear your mom in the kitchen though you are just in the room over. it’s not snowing outside, it doesn’t do that in la, like, ever, but it would be nice maybe once.

you feel the vibration of your phone. you’re sitting on the couch and it’s in the back pocket of your jeans and you don’t want to stand up to fish it out so you flop yourself sideways and grab it. you have three notifications, and in your mind, you make a mental ranking of their importance.

3. bereal went off, though it happened hours ago and you don’t bother to take the picture because who cares

2. about 46 minutes ago, your friend texted your other friend in the group chat, talking about some concert tonight for people you’ve never even heard of before

1. your boyfriend, tate, texted about the same concert, but in this case, offering to take you with him to the show

not to play favorites, but a night out alone with your boyfriend sounds like more fun than a night with your freaky little friends. sure, they were a barrel of monkeys… in their own way, but you’d much prefer a long night in working at a puzzle with them than a raging concert.

‘?’ Tate texts again. You opened his text and he saw the read receipt but you’ve just been sitting there contemplating the meaning of life for minutes now.

‘maybe’ you reply and renter your deep thought once more. it would be fun, you’d have a good time and he’d be happy… but you have been wearing your binder for at the very least 10 hours now, and you had plans to take it off in a little bit (granted you were procrastinating) and that was something you didn’t want to deny yourself.

they say you’re not supposed to exercise in a binder, but that’s never stopped you. back in high school, you had PE 3rd period, and it’s not like you were just gonna go through the trouble of taking it off for a one hour block every single day and then put it back on once the class is over.

that’s the same now, though you don’t have a PE class, you are an avid mosher in the pit and you don’t want to be boobs flying everywhere. you don’t even want boobs at all, but top surgery is expensive, and your insurance only covers testosterone shots so you make do with what you can.

‘maybe?’ he texts back and he didn’t include it in the text, but you can feel a :( radiating from his end of the line.

‘tummy kinda hurts idk’ another thing, he doesn’t know you’re trans. it’s no big deal, truly, you know he’d be super supportive and respectful if you came out and nothing would change between the two of you but that doesn’t take away any of your fear of telling him. this relationship has been going on for 6 months now, and it seems like the longer you wait to say something, the more awkward it will be once you do.

‘:(‘ he texts and you frown a little as well in real life, and you put your phone on the table and walk into the kitchen. your mom is baking those little sugar cookies from target with the snowmen on them and you swear if you got close enough, you could eat an entire tray full of them.

but you’ve already spoiled your dinner enough with the potato chips you now realize you’ve abandoned in the living room and walk back to your room.

your bedroom is small yet well decorated, giving it a cozy aura, even more when you light a peppermint candle. you finally remove your binder and it feels like a breath of fresh air for the first time today. twisting your arms around, you stretch out and then put on a tank top and bundle up in your bed because it’s so damn cold out.

you put your headphones over your ears and play some random song off a playlist tate made for you and all is well in the world until you think you hear your mom screeching your name from the kitchen. of course, the second you pause the music and rip of the headphones, it’s dead silence once more, so you put them back on. there’s the noise again. if she’s really trying to contact you, she can just text you rather than test out her echolocation skills.

a moment later, she does text you.

‘someone at the door go get it’

as polite as ever, you have no choice but obey and slump to the front door, unhappy that your unwinding time has been interrupted by some rando at the door. when you open the door (albeit, grumpily), it’s not a rando, but it is in fact your boyfriend.

“tate! what are you doing here?” you don’t mean to sound so unhappy about his presence, it just comes out like that and of course you notice how quickly his eyes trail downwards on your body. you follow them too, until they land on your uncaged boobs. shit. “oh, um.”

“aren’t you going to invite me in?” he doesn’t say anything you thought he would and for that, you hold the door open for him and step aside to let him in.

“so, what are you doing here?” you ask again since he didn’t respond the first time.

“you said your stomach hurt, and mine kinda hurt too, so i thought i could come over and we could be in pain together. what do you think?” the whole time he’s been making his way to your bedroom, though he hadn’t been in your house very many times, he knew where he was going. he kicks off his shoes at the base and launches himself onto your duvet.

“you’re so thoughtful,” you crawl in next to him and hook one leg between his own, immediately experiencing the glory of his body heat.

“i tend to think so.” there’s that silence again. sometimes peaceful, sometimes deafening, because you know there’s something left unsaid. so you open your mouth again.

“um, so, about the boobs thing,” you start and pause to swallow, realizing you must look like a nervous character on tv right now.

“it’s okay.”

“it is?” you don’t dare lift your head to look him in the eye.

“of course. it doesn’t matter to me. you’re still hot,” he pokes you in the side and you chuckle at him.

“stop it, you silly goose,” you joke back and you can feel the physical cringe his body does.

“and i love you no matter what,” it’s quiet, but you hear it, muffled by your cringe minecraft bedspread. you love him too.

[hermajestyimher]

Hi! I don't know if it's a good place to talk about that, but i found your tumblr and found it quite inspiring :)

Also I wanted to share something that happened to me 2 weeks ego: i broke it off with my bf of 1 year: (i am 24 btw)

For the history, i met him in january 2021, and it was really casual at first, i've never done that before, and looking back, i realise how toxic this kind of situation can be. We sas each other for 6 months without being actually together, and i only learned later that he saw 2 other girls at the same time... Then he left and i felt sad because i felt something for him that i thought was love.

When he came back from his internship 6 months later, we got together (huge mistake lol). From there, it was me giving a lot to someone who didn't reciprocated at ALL. For mis birthday i threw him a party with some of his friends that lived in other cities/countries, we got him a present + i got him one on my own. He left the party to go to this girl's party (i invited her to his birthday, she knew about it about 2 months before it happened)...

Then valentine's day came around, and i bought him a gift, wore a pretty outfit, because he said he planned something, the something being staying at his eating frozen food that he sut warmed up. I felt really sad because we almost only saw each other to sleep together or go out sometimes, but he never did once do something to surprise me or anything (literally never while i always did things for him) + i always had to go to his place, which was 1 hour away from mine.

He almost never answered my texts, always saying he was so busy with school work... but sometimes i saw on his friends story that he was out partying...

Came my birthday. To set it short, i got nothing but a "happy birthday". He wasn't even present that day, he got a party with his friends this very night.

Summer passed and we didn't see each other: i was at my family's in spain and he was with his, but again, communication was non-existant.

He got an internship in another city in september and almost demanded of me to come see him every week-end but: 1/ i didn't have that much money to spend on trains and 2/ my classes and homeworks took all my free time (i am in law school). And he was so mad about it. (also, i sent 1 or 2 texts per day and he didn't always answered because "busy").

The evenings, when i wanted to talk a little he always told me he bad things to do, and when he finished those things, he was always too tired and told me "goodnight im tired".

We went on a holiday together in october and i got to live with him for a week. And let me tell you, it opened my eyes for good: he did practically nothing, staying on the couch when we were in our rental, watching netflix (my account that i entirely pay, never doing laundry or cooking or washing the dishes or anything at all. Didn't even took care of himself.

So i demanded to meet him two weeks ago, and face to face, i told him everything that bothered me in this "relationship": the fact he never answered, that he treated me more like a friend he has sex with than an actual gf, the fact that he practicaly considered me as his mom/friend/sex friend/cleaning woman...

Some people might find it silly, but never receiving a single gift from him, even for my birthday or valentines really had me crying, because i felt so worthless.

I thought it was love, but i realised it was just a strong attachement to someone who always said 'i love you' but never once showed it.

It's only been 2 weeks, but i feel so much better with myself and my surroundings, i began doing things i love again, and improving myself in so many ways...

Just to say, i lowered my expectations for him, but i am not doing that for a man ever again. I won't be the one chasing. Not anymore.

(sorry for the typos, auto correct :') )

"It wasn't love but an unhealthy attachment to him" 🎯

I loved the ending of your story because you learned from your experience instead of trying to make excuses and going back to the same toxic behaviours. I genuinely hope you've continued to do great, because you deserve much better than that dush.

[rabitzzz]

guess ill explain whats up huh

cw for death and suicide and like . genuine traumadumping

my entire life ive really struggled with making friends . not even that , im really charismatic on the surface so i make friends easily . keeping them is a whole different story . its likely because ive never had in depth professional help for my trauma which leads me to be really dependent on others , because professionals have told me i show clear signs of separation anxiety and codependency . its been this way my whole life

this kinda came to a peak in 2018 when i was 16 and finally had a little group of friends online , where a majority of my friends have been for ... forever . we had a discord server for talking and another for rp and we were all super close . one of my closest friends i was closest to was called tobio ( like the hq guy ) and i was friends with him for 8yrs at that point . ive never had a friendship last that long before or since . he was kinda the ringleader of the group snd he was 18 . the oldest person there was a guy called kami and he was 21 or 22 . kami was like my older brother , and he was tobios bf . the other major players in this story are asteria ( 15 ? ) and jay ( 19 )

jay and i met in august when tobio introduced him to the group . i didnt know it then but jay was my first fp , i think . within a week i had developed the biggest most obvious crush in the world and he reciprocated . we ended up dating and to this day he is the ... dare i say he was the only healthy relationship ive ever had , and im sad to admit ive had at least a dozen partners .

a lot happened in that group . something happened that caused a fight between to asteria and tobio , and both of them vented to me . but i was neutral — these were my friends , i wanted them to get along !! i wanted the group to stay together !! but i said something ( " even if tobio was abusive , im just afraid of the others feeling as if they have to make a choice of which side to be on . i dont want that to happen " or something similar . a hypothetical for sure ) to asteria and she took that response out of context , and the friend group split in half between jay / tobio / kami , and asteria and a couple others . i was the ONLY neutral one . out of at least 6 . and i got blamed for everything falling apart .

it was 2 months after i started dating jay when this happened , and we broke up because of it . because he didnt like that i could be friends with someone who accused his lifelong irl friend ( tobio ) of being abusive . during those 2 months , jay wasnt online a single time . and tobio said irl he couldnt find jay either

jay had a job and a dog and lived by himself . it was terrifying for everyone . and again , i was blamed . everyone thought he killed himself after breaking up with me because he always said he couldnt live without me . this was october 8th

jay came back really late september , or really early december . like last day or first day . and we caught up because while he was gone , i would message him updates . sometimes splitting and saying i hated him for disappearing , for scaring me like this . i would send him pretty photography i took walking home from school . i told him how tobio and asteria and the others all stopped talking to me , but that kami stuck around because he was the only one who told me nothing was my fault . jay finally showed me a selfie ( blonde with freckles and hazel green eyes . his eyes were so pretty ) and we talked about us . about how he loved me but the 3 year age gap bothered him so he wanted to wait until i was 17 in april to get back together . we talked about his identity crisis . he got me out of the toxic relationship i had gotten myself into with someone who was way too possessive of me ( and traumatized me sexually despite being 14 / 15 )

jay got me and tobio to be friends again . it was me , jay , tobio , and kami . our group was smaller , but we were together again . i was happy

december 11th . im in class and out of data so i cant be online all day . i finally get around 1pm and see frantic messgaes from jay . typos and full on fear because he thinks tobio killed himself and he cant contact him . asking me if ive heard from him . jay was never frantic . tobio had gone missing in another country and he wasnt this scared before . the messgaes were three hours old and jays offline . i panic and start explaining why i was offline and i hadnt heard from tobio but trying to reassure him . no response . i try calling him on discord . no answer . im crying in my supplementary class because my most important person is stressed and i dont know how to help . if i can .

just earlier that day , before i went to school , he told me he loved me and hed always be there for me .

that was our last conversation .

id never hear from him again .

tobio would come back on the 13th and cut me off entirely . i asked kami and he said to give tobio some time beacause something really bad happened

11 days pass and i havent heard from jay . im upset because this scared me . i didnt want another 2 month disappearance

december 24th . christmas eve . i tell kami im really upset because i havent heard from jay yet since tobios suicide scare

december 24th

8:24pm

kami tells me the " bad thing " that happened

was jay dying .

his last words were for me . tobio told me because kami tried to have us talk things out , to rekindle our 8yr friendship , because we were jays most important people . tobio tells me he hates my guts . he always had . he tried to drop me so many times but i always found him , always clung to him , always annoyed him . he told me i had been too much for jay and thats why he died , because a healthy 19yr old doesnt die in their sleep for no reason . i was too needy , too clingy , too much to " babysit and take care of " , and thats why jsy died

kami broke up with tobio

me and kami drifted apart over the rest of 2019 , not for a lack of trying . too much had happened .

so yeah . this whole thing i have about being so dependent and needing attention is both a result of and a cause of my trauma . ive never learned how to deal with it . thats why ive been so weird for a few months . thats why i get so jealous of healthy friendships and relationships . thats why im hard to get along with sometimes . thats why im in therapy

ill be better one day i think . i hope

sorry ^^;;;

[smigglesisback]

1/3.

Im angry. So angry at men. Maybe because I’ve been having dreams lately of my past abusers in detail. I hate them, I hate me at that time, I hate the situation I walked into many times as a 13-24 year old girl, I hate the sound of their voices, I hate the way they walk, the way they force their bodies and ideas on me. It’s fucking disgusting. I didn’t have a single pleasurable or consensual act of sex until I was in a long term relationship at 21. And even he got me fucked up on xanax and stoned out of my mind and video taped himself having sex with me while I was blacked out. I only saw the video a year later a realized what happened, realized what someone you have a child with, love, protect, and care for could do to you in your most vulnerable state. It’s a feeling you can’t describe, watching someone you trust violate you, watching my limp body being pushed around some blankets I wrap my 2 year old son in at night. I puked when I saw it.

That’s just towards the end of my abusive relationships. There are many more men that I dream about and cry about and hope to set on fire one day. Here’s what it’s like to really be a girl/woman of indigenous and Hispanic decent in a white mans world.

I realized being a woman was different from being a man when I was 5 years old, it’s my earliest memory. My much older brother was painting the porch outside in the summer and had his shirt off and I was hot too so I took my shirt off. My father immediately told me it was a bad thing to do that around any boy or man and to never do it again. I remember feeling like I was bad, like I was different, and more venerable. I was interested in boys and girls in my pre teens and everything was pretty innocent for me until I lost my virginity to a boy named “Robert”. He was the tallest boy in middle school and played football and everyone loved him. He tried hard for a while and I eventually agreed to meet him at his friend coles house. I brought 2 friends with me because I was afraid to sneak out in the middle of the night alone for the first time ever. We got to his house and he took my virginity on his friends moms bedroom floor. I don’t remember much after that or even how I made it home, I just remember it didn’t feel good and it didn’t make me feel any different or better. The next week he stopped talking to me and on my desk in my 7th grade science class was carved “Brenna has big tits and a hairy vagina” I felt fucking worthless, shamed, and violated all in one stroke of a pen. He told all his friends what my body looked like and how easy it was to fuck me. What a first huh? I moved away from that tiny Colorado town to a big Colorado town. I went to a military high school, I was a freshman and terrified. I was targeted by many older boys in that school. I was drugged and raped by 2 seniors my first 6 months in that school. They were nerds in my circle of friends and I never thought they would rape me or make me play a drinking game with them. I had never drank before and they had me take 3 shots back to back of jack daniels. I remember the room spinning, the green couch, the grey window well with no light peeking through, I remember the cold bathroom floor, I remember my colored hair extensions being ripped out of my head and scattered on the dirty rug, I remember being sore, being scared. I remember “joe” and his friend from a different high school fighting over who gets to be in my pussy, the only clear image I have is him pushing the other one aside and saying”move the fuck over, it’s my turn” joe took me home on the back pegs of his bike and I climbed in my window. It was Sunday morning now and I only know that because my mother came to get me for church and I told her I couldn’t go because I was sick and she watched me run to the bathroom and puke everywhere until I passed out. That was my first time being raped, I was 14 years old. But that wasn’t the last time I’d be raped that year. In the school I was in you could continue to take classes there until you are 21 years old. I’m going to call him “John.” He was in my circle of misfit friends, I was a weird goth girl and he was a much older man who could buy me cigarettes and had a car. I went to a house party with my girlfriends and “John” was there, he waited until the party died down and told me to come drink with him, but I didn’t drink anymore because of my last experience with alcohol so he got me stoned instead. We were sitting on the couch alone in the living room and he put his arm around my shoulder, then moved it to where his hand was around my neck, he then pulled his penis out and pushed my head towards it. I didn’t want to upset him, he was drunk and I was high so I did what he wanted and then walked out of the house and walked the mile and a half at 4am by myself back home until I crawled in bed and cried until I fell asleep. This was possibly the worst year off my life every day freshman year I walked past my abusers in the hall, EVERY. DAY. The only respite I had was that they didn’t tell anyone what happened because they knew it was wrong. Joe and John never spoke to me again. After that I was a mess, I was sneaking out all the time, running away from home, trying to escape the reality of my life. My home life was difficult at best.

[mayhem-moth]

Abt the 70 horrible questions

Answer all the ones you're comfortable answering (aka do all of the numbers except the ones you're not comfy doing)

*HEAVY BREATHING*

OKAY LET'S DO THIS

1.I hate my dad. Love my mom

2.Probably one of my friends

3.Yes. i regret a lot of things

4.yee. i have things that i like about myself though. I think it's just easier to name bad stuff

5.single exactly how i like it i am vibing fr

6. Something funny or unexplainable. Be on a podcast kinda death

7.icecream :3

8.only the ones I was forced to for PE.

9.yee

10.never. as a kid i used to roughhouse with my brothers a lot though

11.Nope :D

12.no only around 24 unfortunatly :(. Let me find an excuse to change that!

13. My dad.

14. My cat. My friends i had to leave when i moved... and my dad? Or at least feeling like having a dad i guess?

15.two kimtys ones mine :3

16. Normal?

17. Nope :D

18. Kinda. Irl they give me heebie jeebies but as i grow older i get more amd more fascinated with them

19. NOPE IM NOT RISKING SCREWING ANYTHING UP NOSIREE TO MUCH PRESSURE

20. Nowhere :D

21. Uhhh exist? I barely knkw what im doing tommorow other than school ngl

22. Nope!

23. Got my ears pierced as a baby so two

24. Art related subjects. Anything else is a matter of chance

25. ^ people mentioned previously. Not really my dad persay it's complicated

26. Water. I should probably drink water

27.uhhhmmm that's pretty subjective? Im confident i have dissapointed a lot of people before

28. Nope. Can't be cheated on if you've never been in a relationship!

29. Nope ^^^^

30. THIS MATH ARGH!!!

31. My mom, my cat, my brothers, and my friends!

32. BLUE GREEN AMD PURPLE!!!

33. I don't trust a lot of adults. I've been lied to a lot. And i've come to realize that i really can't trust a lot of the adults i was told i was supposed to trust as a kid. Turns out someone cam appear nice but can actually be quite a jerk!! :DDD Funny how that works!!

34. I don't member /:

35. Mabye my mom when she yelled at me? It's been several months since i've actually cried

36. I don't know. I think i used to.

37. Forget

38. NOOOOOHHHHH. But these couple months have been quite nice!! I made a lot of friends!!^^

39. No age. Not in that context. Never been into that stuff i guess

40. Nope. Mabye if i was little baby or toddler that i can't remember

51(skips?). Whatever im in the mood for i just like food ngl

52. No. I think everythings unpredictable. I think good people can get hurt for no reason and bad people get good things for no reason.

53. Be on tumblr

54. Im sure there is contexts where it could be. Situations get complicated and I don't know everything.

55. I hope not I try to be nice. There have definitely been points in my life where i have acted mean though.

56. 0 but im slowly becomeing more and more willing to change that :)

57. No. But im not sure im one to talk ngl. Dunno what that feels like

58. Rain. And cloudy weather

59. In some contexts

60. No i want to be left alone

61. No never call me that.

62. Making stuff. My frens.Tumblr. My cat. The fam.

63. Don't think so. I like my name.

64. It's very hard to kiss nonexistence yes. Unless your talking about kissing my cat's forehead in which case no.

65. Reject nicely. Hope for the best

66. Think so probably on tumblr

67. My teacher probably. Mabye someone on tumblr

68. My mother :3

69. I don't know mabye :/

70. I would die for a lot of people it's hard to keep track!

I FUCKING DID IT!! LETS GO!!!!!!

[twinkleimagines]

*Let me please you *

You’re a virgin and Rafe wants to show you what it feels to have an orgasm without taking your virginity.

Warning ⚠️ smut and language

Not proofread

Rafe had always admired you. You guys were the same age, same schools but completely different clicks. your parents were rich yes, but you didn’t act anything like a kook. You were quiet, shy. Never once put a single bit of make up on.

You had a natural beauty that radiated off of you for miles. which was what first caught his eye. Rafe being the kook king though , so popular in the crowds, he never really gave you the time of day. yanno, reputation and all- not that you were seeking it out anyways.

You were definitely one of the girls that were considered nerdy. you spent most your time with your nose in your book or at home. you didn’t go to parties, you didn’t wear make up, you didn’t have a boyfriend and you really didn’t have friends. 

Believe it or not though Rafe had definitely noticed you multiple times throughout the years. You were one of those girls that when he looked at you, you just looked so innocent and pure which if we’re being honest that’s exactly what you were and something about that just had him hooked to you. You were always so distracted that you never even realized the Kook king Admiring you from afar.

But now it’s the summer after your senior year and Rafe himself couldn’t stay away from you. It all started one morning when you both ran into each other at a coffee shop where you accidentally spilled your drink on him.

And honestly if it were anyone else he would’ve flipped his shit, probably cuss you out and make a big scene but when he looked down to see you, you’re innocent big (y/c/e) eyes and your loose curls tucked behind your ear as you frantically apologized for ruining his shirt, something in him switched and all He wanted to do was just hug you and protect you from the world.

Which He had done that ever since. He spent a little while talking to you at the coffee shop and managed to get you outside of your comfort zone, only a few months later becoming official in a relationship. 

So now we are here today. At this point you and Rafe have been together almost 6 months now. You knew what type of guy he was but the way he was with you was like a whole different side of him and you had honestly fell in love with him. nobody realize how infatuated he really was with artistic stuff like you and how intelligent he really was when it came to business. It was always hidden behind his partying Ways and fighting that nobody really paid attention to him like you did.

 you laid with your back propped up against Rafes headboard with a book in your lap as you silently read through the pages when Rafe walked in, his eyes landing on you.

“What are you reading ?” he asked. you sighed before lifting the book up slightly so he could read the back not breaking your trance from the page. 

“Oh” he responded quietly before placing himself next to you in the bed. He sighed heavily as you felt his fingertips trail up your thigh, gently running up and down as he watched you intensely as your eyes scanned the words across each page. 

“You’re so beautiful” he spoke out grabbing your attention. You glanced at him through the corner of your eye before going back to your book replying with a soft ‘thank you’. Hey grinned before placing his lips against your arm that he once had his head laying on. you furrowed your eyebrows together as you tried to continue focusing on the story in you book, only having to go back over the same paragraph because you didn't pay attention the first time.

  you sat for a second trying to continue reading your book but at this point it was no use because of his actions and how much they were distracting you. You finally caved in and put your book down on the nightstand before turning to the side facing him, giving him a sly smile. He smiled at the invitation before he sat up and placed his lips against yours. they were soft and plum, the taste of peanuts from his snack earlier still lingering on his tongue. Your moaned softly against his lips as he pulled you closer to him by your hips. you felt his hand rolling closer to an area thats never been touched by him (or anyone) so you jumped slightly before pulling your lips away from his.

“im sorry” he quickly spoke out, pulling his hand away. “you okay?”

 Rafe knew that you were a virgin.  it was one of the things that he loved about you. It wasn’t a goal of his to take your virginity or anything but he did love the idea that he was going to get to be the one to show you all the pleasures and be your first with everything. He loved knowing how innocent and pure you were and it gave him all the more reason to be protective over you. 

“Yeah I’m okay” you responded pushing some of your hair behind your ear. 

He sat for a second looking at you. Even though his eyes were staring into yours, you could tell he was deep in thought.

“ I have an idea, if you’re up for it” he finally spoke out breaking the silence. you felt your heart flutter as you heard the words fall from his lips. your mind quickly began racing, thinking of all the possible things he would want to try at this moment, 

  you knew at one point in time Rafe would want to take things further. He defiantly had his fair share in women, and you were surprised he had lasted this long without trying to go further than just make out sessions with you. but by now you had fantasized on what it would be like to go further  with him as well. 

“ I know you want to save and wait on your virginity” he responded breaking your train of thought. “ but what if there’s other ways I can make you still feel good without going to that level?” he offered, his voice soft and gentle.

You bit your bottom lip with nervousness as his large but soft hand caressed your thigh, rubbing back and forth with comfort. The only thing you guys have ever done this whole time was kiss and grope each other. You’ve never even experience and orgasm. Not even by yourself. You sat and hesitated for a second, questioning yourself if you were ready to take things further.  you were almost 20 at this point and you were very happy with the Rafe, so much that you didn’t even see the possibility of you guys not being together. 

you finally nodded giving him approval. he smiled widely at you, satisfaction radiating through him knowing that he was finally going to be able to please you in some way . 

“What are you going to do?” you asked, your palms getting sweaty from nerves.  He shook his head before placing his hand on the side of your face, rubbing gently circles with his thumb.

“ I just want you to relax princess.”

Rafe placed his lips back against yours before hovering over you, causing you to lean back, your head landing on his pillow. .

he placed one of his legs in-between yours, Your eyes widening as you felt his knee press against you applying pressure. you moved your hips slightly, feeling your body crave for that feeling again.  You gasped slightly as you realized he had done it on purpose when his knee continued moving back-and-forth against you. Your mouth stood wide open as your eyes close feeling the movement from Rafe.

“does that feel good baby?” he questioned staring down at you as if if he was a painter and  you were his own painting.

You bit your lip before nodding slightly opening your eyes to make contact with his.

‘Here come here’ he said before removing himself from above you, propping himself up against the headboard. “Sit on my lap” he instructed. you hesitated for a second before obliging. He tugged on your pajama shorts pulling them against your heated core before pulling you up against his crotch by your hips. 

‘Just do like this princess” he insisted as he applied pressure against your bottom with his hand pulling you forward towards him. You grinded youirself against him until your hips were touching his before he pushed back against on you, making you slide back down. he watched your face for any type of expression before repeating the movements once again pulling you forward towards him. 

You felt uncomfortable at first, not so much that you weren’t enjoying it but just because you had never done anything like this before and you weren’t sure if you were making a fool of yourself or not. But the feeling you were getting felt so good that you didn’t want to stop regardless of how you looked so you continue moving your hips against him. At first your movements were slow- your hips grinding against his very prominent Boner in between your legs as you slid up and down it. 

 you mumbled a few ‘fuck’s and ‘God!’ out , as well as Rafe’s name as your thighs slightly trembling around him.. Rafe  Pulled your hair away from your face so he could watch you. your eyes squinted shut as your mouth gaped open, moans slipping out. It felt good to him as well even though he wasn't inside you, but just watching you unfold on top of him beat any orgasm he’s ever had. 

“feels good doesn’t it princess?” he groaned out as your movements against him began to speed up. 

“ yes Rafe” you moan out loudly. even though you took Rafe by surprise at your outburst, he almost came undone right then and there. He had never seen this side of you and it was the hottest thing he had ever seen. 

“ it feels so good”  you breathed out, your arms placed over his shoulders as your hands tugged on his hair.  your hips were moving faster faster before soon started to feel this tingly feeling and the bottom of your stomach. it was definitely an unfamiliar feeling but it felt so amazing and it gave you a feeling of you needed to keep going as your climax was building up.

Rafe could tell you were getting close as your moans became uncontrollably consistent, and your body rocking against his became fast and rough, which Rafe was to just as close just by the feeling of you dry humping him and the sight of you. 

“Oh my God I think I’m cumming!” you cried out as you felt your clit throbbing. this unexplainable feeling rushed through your lower abdomen causing your hips to jolt forward a few times as you rode out your high. your hips finally came to a halt as you tried to catch your breath.  you laid your forehead against rafes before chuckling slightly, almost lost for words as to what you had just done.

“ Wow” was all you could say causing Rafe to laugh loudly while nodding.

“ I know princess, you're amazing” he praised. you shifted slightly against him before looking up in confusion as you still felt a hard Boner pressed against you. 

“wait, did you finish?” you asked.

Rafe shook his head no and you sat for a second with confusion. After the way he had just made you feel, you wanted to repay him by getting him off as well, but with you being so unexperienced you honestly had no clue what to do for him. 

“well what can I do?” you finally asked, pushing your curls behind your ear once again, another little thing you did that turned him on.

“You don’t have to do anything princess I was doing this for you” he said shaking his head. “ I wanted you to feel good.” you grinned shyly lowering your hand as you thought back to a few moments ago when you practically dry humped your boyfriend to an orgasm.

“Well I did feel good and I want to repay you, if you’ll let me” you offered with pleading eyes.

He sat for a second, this time him being the one to think it through. of course he wanted you to do stuff to him, but he didn't want to make you feel pressured. the thought of you wanting to please him willingly made his dick jump in his jeans. he finally looked you in the eyes, a nod following shortly after. 

“only if you want to princess” he responded. he waited patiently for you to assure him that you really wanted to do this before he pulled his long hard member out of his pants.

Throughout the 6 months that you have been together, this was the first time you had actually seen it. Not that Rafe was hiding himself, but he just felt it was best for when you were actually ready. you have felt it of course but seeing that now, you were flabbergasted.

“You’re huge rafe” you blurted out with your eyes wide. He laughed at your cuteness from the outburst that had caused your cheeks to turn cherry red. “Come here” he spoke softly, his hand grabbing ahold of yours.

“ I’ll show you what you can do” he said before placing your hand around his member,  his hand helping guide yours along his cock

“. Does it feel good?” you asked, your eyes focused very intensely on his expressions, needing clarification since you hadn't a clue what to do.  Rafe nodded while leaning his head back some, his eyes lowering.

“ yes princess” he said, his voice soft and comforting. He’s had plenty of hand jobs before, but it was different when it was yours. He  just had so much love for you at this point. You were the first girl he had ever spent time with and was in a relationship with that didn't include sex, which made you bond even more. The love he had for you was like no other, and so was the feeling of your hand around him right now. 

You bit your lip as you continued to pump your hand around him, squeezing slightly and twisting your hands in circles. Even though you had never watched porn or you had never personally done any of this yourself, you had read a lot of books that would sometimes go in detail into their sex scenes. You tried basing it off of what you had read, and by reading Rafe’s face, it was clear he was enjoying it.

You ran your thumb over his tip causing him to twitching your hands leaving a smirk on your face as you watched his breath hitch in the back of his throat>

“You’re doing so good princess” he praised. you sat for a second as you hesitated your next move before finally just lowering your head, wrapping your lips around him.  at this point Rafe was in complete shock seeing you build the confidence to please him the way you were. You were doing so good even though you had no prior experience.

“ princess your mouth feels so good” he groaned out, his voice deep and low. Your moaned slightly as you felt his fingers run through your hair pushing down slightly.

You weren’t sure why you were so nervous before but now that you were actually doing it and watching how much you were pleasing Rafe turned you on more than you have ever been in your entire life and you didn’t want to stop.  you continue bobbing your head up and down, your hand following in the same motion as Rafe continued to moan and praise you for your actions.

"baby I’m gonna to cum”  he breathe out his hips slightly bucking up into your mouth hitting the back of your throat. you gagged slightly, your throat clenching aorund him.

“Fuck baby girl” he groaned out as his member started to twitch. you could feel him tugging on your hair trying to pull your head up but with all the confidence you had and the adrenaline, you kept your head lowered down on him. your lips were almost touching his pelvic bone, his tip deep in the back of your throat. you held your breath as you tried not to gag but the clenching from your throat immediately set Rafe’s orgasm off, his warm load shooting down the back of your throat. your eyes widened for a second as you tasted a thick warm salty substance fill in your mouth. Rafe bucked his hips in your mouth a few more times before his hips came to a complete stop. You lifted your head up slowly ,  your mind racing about what you had just done as Rafe watched you, making sure you were okay with what had just happened.

 his member immediately got hard again when you looked up at him through your eyelashes, slowly wiping the side of your mouth off from the saliva that was placed on the side of your lips.

“ God princess you’re just so perfect.” Rafe said. He stared at you and thought about all the other things he wanted to do to you. he wanted to taste you and feel himself inside you but it was much more satisfying to him knowing that you willingly wanted to do these things with him and he that didn’t force you to do anything. Knowing that you waited all these years and he got to be the one to finally let you experience it was the biggest flex he had on himself. It brought a warm feeling in his heart. 

“Did you like it?” he asked after he cleaned himself off placing his member back in his pants. You nodded before looking down with a shy smile as your cheeks turning cherry red.

“ I did I really did” you responded before laying yourself down next to him, placing your head on his chest.

“ maybe we can even do some more later tonight”  you offered causing a big grin to form across his face.

****

Maybe part 2???

✨feedback , like and reblog is greatly appreciated 💗✨



[farmnap]

Fluff Alphabet-Sapnap

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?) 

He likes your humor. He likes your beauty. He loves everything about you. Mostly, though, he loves your kindness. You are just so nice to him. You hold him, whisper sweet things to him, and make him feel like its all alright.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?) 

He definitely wants a family, obviously not anytime soon though. He believes that he’d be a good father and that you’d be a good parent as well. He doesn’t tell you this, but sometimes he dreams about having a child, their little hands and feet. He goes through baby fever like every two months. 

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?) 

He prefers to hold you most of the time, it makes him feel like he’s protecting you. He will spoon you most nights or hold your head to his chest and wrap his other arm around your body. Sometimes tho he lets you lay on top of him and just sleep. He likes your weight on him, thin or not. 

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

i assume they'd be chill or more just hangouts. Like going to an arcade or an escape room. If it was a special occasion, birthday or anniversary, he’d take you to a fancy restaurant. He’d hate getting dressed up and eating food that isn’t worth the money, but he’d do it forever if it meant he got to see you happy. 

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

My lifeline. You make his world turn and his heart keep beating. Everything he does is for you (In a non weird obsession way) he just wants you to be happy

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?) 

He knew he was in love when you showed up at his house to hold him after he sounded upset on a call. that's it, no questions asked, you were just there.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?) 

He’s so gentle it’s almost infuriating to you because sometimes he wont even touch you. Like when y’all first started dating, he wouldn't hold your hand because he didn’t want to squeeze to much. He wouldn’t cuddle you because he didn’t want to suffocate you. He treats you like a doll

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

after he got over the hand holding fear stated previously, he holds your hand tightly, almost afraid to let go. He holds your hand whenever he can: in the store, in bed, on walks, in the car, on dates. He always has his hand in yours.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

His first impression of you was probably about your appearance. He’s only a 20 okay so he probably looked at your butt or chest first. Obviously when he actually talked to you, he would realize you were funny and nice. But yeah, purely physical at first.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

omfg yes. He gets so jealous. Sapnap’s not the kind of bf to get like toxic or rude when jealous tho. He just gets insecure and sad. 

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

You kissed him first, he was way too nervous to make the first move. He kisses you softly and with his hands on your cheeks. He loves holding you when you kiss, holding you close. Once Y’all are more comfortable with each other he may even put his hand on your neck while kissing you. It makes him all giddy.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

He would say it first, on accident. probably after being intimate and having you on his chest. Too lost in his mind, it just comes out.

“I love you”

“What?”

It scared both of you at first but then you smile and cuddled closer. It didn’t matter to him if you said it back right then or not, he knew you cared for him.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

When you guys stayed in on your 6 month anniversary. The plan was to go out and eat at this super fancy place but you guys missed the reservation. Instead of being sad, you guys stayed home and watched a bunch if princess movies and cuddled. It was sweet and the first time y’all actually just hung out.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

He doesn’t spoil you too much actually. He knows you can buy your own stuff and doesn’t try to take over if you don't ask him too. BUT on special occasions you are getting everything you even look at. he once dropped about 2,000 dollars on jewelry as a gift on your birthday.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

Pastel yellow. Its a color of friendship and trust, which is what your relationship is built on. 

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

He uses the usual babe a lot, i cant see him using darling im sorry. He also 100% uses baby and sweetheart. Honey is also used. But mostly he would use variations of your name. 

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

He likes castles and royalty. Obviously there is still queens and stuff but he loves the whole castle fantasy. He thinks about being a knight in shining armor to save you.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

He uses this as an excuse to stay in bed and cuddle. Like that’s all he would want to do. No food, no responsibilities, just snuggling.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

When he was single he would just sleep or eat. We’ve all been there and there's nothing wrong with it. But now that he has you he would rant to you or cry. If you were upset he would listen to any and all problems you had without comment. He would just be there for what ever you needed.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

he talks about school, his family, his friends, and a shit ton of random Minecraft. Even if you got sick of it, you stick around bc he’s cute when passionate.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

in the most respectful way, he likes to have sex. it makes him happy and calms him down. Obviously if you weren’t feeling it, he wouldn’t make you and would go for just kisses and cuddles, also watching Moana bc he loves that movie. 

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

he shows off his set up and shoes. He splurges on those things and will be damned if the whole world doesn't know. 

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

He wouldn't propose for a while and surely not until y’all are both out of college and stuff but when he does its a whole thing. He takes you to a beach saying something like, “I heard the boardwalk food is amazing” or something like that. He would probably invite dream along to record and also being there for the biggest moment of his life. Obviously, you say yes and its so cute.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

(I’m sorry about this one I’m not a big music person)

"I'm Gonna Love You Through It" by Martina McBride is what i picked bc he would always be there no matter what, he just loves so much

Y = Yikes (Do they ever mess up in the relationship?)

Sapnap has made many many mistakes. He can be rude sometimes without even realizing it, he can spend more time with George than you, he can ignore you for a week for something petty. Thankfully, he comes to his senses after a while and talks to you about it. He tries to be as good as he can and communicate to you but he’s not perfect.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

oml he would beg you for a dog everyday! he just wants a German Shepard named Bently is that too much to ask?

[chxrrysangel]

I Need a Favor

Part One | Masterlist | Part Three

Summary || A talk with Wanda and Vision at the ice cream parlor gives you a grand idea. Now only to convince your partner to go along with it.

pairing || fakeboyfriend!bucky x black!ofc

word count || 1,730 words

Notes || Diana uses she/they pronouns

Warnings || brief mention of disordered eating, language

"I ruined everything Wanda. She's never gonna talk to me again, " I say while salty tear drops from my cheek into the soft serve below me.

I don't think I've cried this much since Nat and I got into the same university. At least that was a happy memory. Wanda wraps her arms around my body, trying her best to console me.

"Vision! Another cup of Cotton Candy over here!"

Vision, Wanda's boyfriend, pops up from behind the counter, blond hair sticking up in all directions. That's what happens when he's in distress, that man never stops touching his hair.

"But Wanda--". He attempts to argue with her. But when he sees the glare her features are sporting, the words quickly die in his throat.

"Alright."

Not a minute later, Vision wanders over to our table carrying a medium sized bowl on Cotton Candy ice cream, my favorite. The shop is closed now, the last customers leaving about 10 minutes ago. I probably shouldn't be eating my feelings considering I haven't always had the best relationship with food, but I'll cry about that later. Right now, I just need to wallow in the guilt of the mess I've made.

"So, what's the problem exactly Diana? Why are you so distraught right now?" I sigh and will the tears to subside enough for me to give the breakdown. Seeing me struggle to keep my composure, Wanda steps in and I thank the universe for her.

"They kissed Steve at a party a few weeks ago and now he thinks she has a crush on him. Whether she does or doesn't isn't important because he cornered her in the library earlier and now she has to figure out what to do ASAP. They don't want Nat to find out about Steve's "revelation". "

"Shit, Di. So there's nothing you can do? You have no dirt on 'im? Threaten him to keep the secret? Maybe call in a favor or something?"

Favor. Call in a favor.

"Oh my god, Vision you're a genius! I could literally kiss you right now! I mean, obviously I wouldn't. But, you get what I mean." I scramble to gather my things and throw a ten dollar bill on the tabletop.

"I'll see you guys later! I have to go do something!" I don't wait for their response before I'm hurdling out the door and running towards Jones Apartments.

~~~

I kind of forgot the distance between Jones Apartments and Wanda's Creamery. That is why by the time I reach them, I feel like someone could peel me off the sidewalk. I don't think I've ever been this out of breath in my entire life. Jesus Christ, how is Nat on the track team? I remind myself to ask her about her running routine while I sit on the curb, trying my best not to burst a lung.

"Diana?" My head perks up at the sound of my name, surprised to see the exact person I was looking for.

"James!"

"Diana, I told you not to call me that." I get up from the curb so we're more or less eye level. I don't exactly like being talked down to.

"Anyways James, I need to talk to you."

"No." James sidesteps around me, heading towards the swivel door entrance."

"And why not?" I chase after him, hoping that by following him, he'll get annoyed and let me speak so I can go home. It is a Friday after all, I'm sure he has something to do. Probably partying at the frat house. Let's be real here.

"Because, I don't want to." He doesn't wait for my response before he's walking down the corridor to the elevator. I don't know why he thinks he'll be able to escape me, it's not like I don't know his apartment number or anything.

"James--", he looks at me with an irritated expression,"Okay, okay. Bucky. I have a proposition for you.”

"And what about that exactly?"

"That's for a space with privacy. You never know who's listening." He sighs and rolls his eyes before motioning for me to follow. Gotcha. Hook, line, and sinker.

~~~~

"Absolutely fucking not."

"What do you mean?! I've barely said a thing!"

"It's Steve Rogers, that's enough for me to say no."

"C'mon Buck! Please! I will literally get on my hands and knees, and beg for you to say yes." He smirks at my words and I proceed to punch him in the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You know exactly what that was for. Anyways, I really, really need your help."

"I already said no. Now get out." I'm starting to get annoyed with him. He's so stubborn.

"James, will you cool it with the bad boy, angry man act! I know you, you fucking moron. You can't fool me with that one. " He stares at me from his seat on the kitchen counter.

"It's not an act."

"Right, because it's not like just 6 months ago you were laying in bed with me at my apartment crying to A Walk to Remember. You're a total baby."

His jaw ticks at my reminder. Ha, gotcha. During the spring of Sophomore year, I tutored James for a semester because he was in trouble of losing his spot on the baseball team. And as they're most valuable and skilled player, coach couldn't let that happen. He'd also lose his scholarship. At first he hated me, but over time we developed a pretty decent friendship. He's actually a really cool guy, and a total softie at that.

"Shut up."

"Ah, so you do remember us being friends at one point. Well, at least before you stopped returning my calls and unfollowed me on Instagram and Twitter."

"Sorry 'bout that." He smiles sheepishly, seemingly apologetic.

"You should be. Anyways, weren't you and Steve friends freshman year? I'd only know him for like a year and a half, but I distinctly remember that you two used to hang out."

"Yeah, we did. But that's in the past." He hops off the counter, opening the fridge to grab a beer. I watch him as he pops the top with his metal arm, the depth of its capabilities continuing to amaze me.

"Why, what happened? Did you guys fall out over a girl or something?," I ask with a laugh. He stays silent.

"Oh my god. You guys did break up over a girl. So, who's the lucky lady?" Again, he doesn't respond.

"Do I know her?" Ok, now I'm intrigued. Maybe a little bit nosy as well, but more intrigued. Inquisitive, if you will.

Again, my words are met with silence.

"Oo, so I do know her. Is it Nat?" He pause for just a millisecond, the same way I did at the party.

"Di, will you just drop it?"

"Oh my god!--" I jump out of my chair, squealing with excitement. "--So, it is Nat!" Wait, shit. It's Nat. Oh, this is bad.

"You think?" Did I say that out loud?

"Yes, you did. Now will you get out of my apartment please?"

"Nope, we have much to discuss"

~~~

"So, what exactly do I get out of this besides a headache?"

"Ouch, James. I'm not that bad. So basically, I keep your secret that you ever liked Nat. You get to rub it in Steve's that your crush is a thing of the past. I get him off my back, and finally I figure out how to get you a date with Daisy when we fake break up."

"Ok, I can deal with this. We're gonna need a contract though."

"Oo, look at you using your brain. I guess my tutoring paid off." He pushes me, nearly sending me off the chair to my death.

"Hey, watch it cyborg! What good is a fake girlfriend if you kill them?" Bucky simply rolls his eyes, before pulling out a pen and paper from a side drawer.

"Okay, rule number one : don't tell a single soul. Not one. Got it?"

"Yes, dad," I respond whilst rolling my eyes. He stares at me for a second longer than necessary and I look at him questioningly.

"What?"

"Nothing. Rule two?"

"Um...we have to act decently couple-y. So that means kissing, you walk me to my classes, I go to your games, stuff like that."

"Okay, good point. Rule three, you have to indulge in some of the things I like. Especially my motorcycle."

"Uh uh. No fucking way am I willingly getting on that death trap."

He laughs at me. He fucking laughs at me. "y/n, it's not that bad I promise. I won't let you die."

"You don't know that."

"I promise, I won't let you die. " He smiles wide at me, enough for his dimples to poke out. He knows how much I love dimples. Well played, Barnes. Well played.

"Okay, put it as a conditional clause. While we're on that note, you have to indulge in my interests too. You have to let me braid your hair once in a while." His face drops in horror.

"Uh uh. Don't even try it Barnes. If I'm willing to put my life in your hands, I'm sure you'll survive some french braids and cornrows." He looks at me for a second before sighing in defeat, realizing I'm not gonna budge any time soon.

"Okay fine, anything else?"

"When are we gonna break up? Or, like what's our condition if it keeps going? We've gotta be believable here." The two of us sit in silence for a few moments, thinking of a time that would suit the earth-shattering demise of our passionate love story.

"Got it! You know that holiday banquet/fundraiser thing the dean throws just after New Years'? You know the one where everyone dresses up like it's the goddamn Met Gala? Well, that banquet has the most hookups of any public event this school has all year. You'd be an absolute moron to let your partner go without you. If we're still doing this by then, you have to go with me."

The banquet is four months from now, so there's absolutely no way in hell we'll still be doing this by that time. With that thought in mind, we shake hands and sign our names at the bottom.

"You've got yourself a deal Barnes."

[sadp0tat00]

NAV- By Member (Min Yoongi)

This is where I sort my ficrecs by member, all fics are (x reader) unless stated otherwise, personally I don’t really like reading mxm fics cos im basically a delusional y/n but sometimes i ran out of xreader, gave in, and actually found some good fics. (updated: 17 May 2021) moved from @ksjmlizt cos i’m a dumbass and can’t figured out how to use tumblr’s sideblog

Category: Angst (A), Fluff (F), Smut (S)

Status: ✔️ completed, or 🔛 ongoing, or 🛑 discontinued/ haven’t been updated for more than a year

disclaimer: these fics are not mine. I’ll tag the authors and you guys should go check their other works💕

Series:

Kitten's Little Flame by @magicalsalamander ✔️(6/6)

Hybrid AU, Children BTS ♥︎ A, F, S

You (cat hybrid) have transferred to a new elementary school because your parents have moved towns. You start your new kindergarten class and meet other hybrids, but one special one catches your eye, Yoongi, the dragon hybrid. How will you manage this new environment?

A Wish Out of Water by @jimlingss ✔️(2/2)

Genie!Yoongi ♥︎ F, A (very heavy angst towards the end IMO)

A genie could solve all your problems. Though you wouldn’t even know exactly what to ask for - money, a warmer house, a better job, a better life? But Min Yoongi is no ordinary genie. He’s here to make your life a living hell. Too bad it was hell to begin with.

The Truth Between Us by @jimlingss and @gukyi ✔️(7/7)

e2l AU, fic-ception ♥︎ A, F

a book deal should be the most exciting time of your life, but there seems to be a constant and omnipresent damper on your mood in the form of a certain min yoongi, who you would just cut out from your life, if he weren’t your editor. but then, the world shifts beneath your feet, and you begin to wonder if maybe you’ve always been looking at life from the wrong angle.

Cat's Cradle by @whitesparrows97 ✔️(5/5)

Hybrid AU ♥︎ A, F, S

Yoongi is your best friend – and your lovable and not at all grumpy cat hybrid, who lives with you under the same roof. He despises your boyfriend Namjoon and makes sure the human gets to feel that. A fight between you unfolds and from then on everything can only go downhill.

Of Fire and Love by @hollyhomburg 🔛 (7/9)

Fantasy AU, Dragon!Yoongi ft. Baby!Jungkook, Baby Dragon!Hoseok ♥︎ A, F, S

When Dragon Yoongi finds baby Jungkook in the wreckage of a house he burned down, he can’t bring himself to kill the child. Months after someone drops off a baby at your door, you start to notice something- or someone, lurking at the edge of the woods.

Silver Spoon by @happy-meo ✔️(9/9)

Office AU, Rom-com ♥︎ F

Having been born and raised in the country side, you have worked hard your entire life to make it to the big city. You eventually achieved your dream and now you have a wonderful paying job for a large company and you continue putting your 110% into everything you do. However, your perfect plan to climb to success through consistent effort and hard work becomes disarrayed with the arrival of your branch’s new rebellious and easy-going CEO, who never desired the position in the first place and has never truly worked hard a day in his life. Your job is on the line if he can’t be turned into a quality CEO within a year, but he has no intention of changing himself for anyone or letting you boss him around so easily. How will you work your way through this obstacle? Will you succeed in changing him or will he be the one that changes you?

Greedy by @xjoonchildx 🔛 (5/?)

Mafia AU, pining ♥︎ A, F, eventual S

being a loner has never bothered yoongi until now. until you.

Oneshot:

Love Grows Where You Go by @hueseok

Arranged Marriage AU, Pining AU, Tsundere!Yoongi ♥︎ A, F, S

determined to make you and yoongi grow closer for your upcoming wedding in two weeks, your parents plan a trip for the both of you that lasts five days long. you know you should be ecstatic about it, considering your longtime crush on your fiancé, but by how you’re positive that he secretly despises your whole being, you don’t find this mini vacation with him something to look forward to. that is until things take an unexpected turn and suddenly, he makes it apparent he doesn’t hate you at all as you reckoned.

Make me by @ppersonna

pwp, filthy fluff lol ♥︎ F, S

an ordinary sleepover with your best friend turns into anything but ordinary, thanks to your ridiculously loud neighbours above you.

Demon!Yoongi Drabble by @jungshookz

Halloween AU ♥︎ F, S

All I Want for Christmas by @hayjeon

Single dad!Yoongi, CEO!Yoongi, Secretary!reader ♥︎ F

Hold Me Tight by @floralseokjin

Established Relationship AU ♥︎ A

the end of a relationship comes slowly but suddenly

Something to hold on @fantasybangtan

Single dad!Yoongi, Christmas AU ♥︎ A, F

it’s not that you don’t like your job. on the contrary, reading bedtime stories to a certified little princess is something you still can’t believe you get paid to do. it’s just that between all the school runs, snow days and secret second hot chocolates before bed, you may fallen a little too hard for those dimpled cheeks and gummy smiles…. worse still, you’ve fallen for her father too.

Yoongi as Neuroserugon

[vikingqueer]

music recommendations because i have some thoughts™

i don't wanna be that person who's like "my music taste is so weird lol" but i find that very often most of my friends don't really care for the music i like so i thought i'd just make a long ass post about it on tumblr instead. Fair warning, I'm very passionate about MIKA and The Mechanisms and so this very quickly got VERY long because it is part of my ongoing campaign to convince people to listen to mika and the mechs.

1) MIKA in general, but especially My Name Is Michael Holbrook (2019) and No Place In Heaven (2015) (especially the Deluxe version!!)

MIKA is a kind of British singer (half Lebanese, grew up in France blabla), and you probably know him for Grace Kelly and Relax, Take It Easy from his first album Life In Cartoon Motion from 2007. He writes a lot of FUN music, interspersed with the occasional slightly sadder song, especially when looking at an album like No Place In Heaven, which contains a lot of songs with gay themes, resulting in some songs that are just a little bit ouch. He's originally classically trained and has a frankly RIDICULOUS range and idk he just writes very good pop music. Also I have so much respect for that time he talked about how a lot of pop is very fake, with like expensive cars and stilettos and mini skirts in the snow and said "Because I walk down the street, and I don't see any of that. I see fat women and gay men. I don't know... That's real". He's written 5 albums; My Name Is Michael Holbrook (2019), No Place In Heaven (2015), The Origin Of Love (2012), The Boy Who Knew Too Much (2009), and Life In Cartoon Motion (2007).

For starters, I recommend listening to Last Party, Origin Of Love, Grace Kelly, Blame It On The Girls, Blue, Happy Ending, Pick Up Off The Floor, Last Party, Underwater, Tomorrow and Tiny Love (yes this is a long list but i REALLY love MIKA). If you want a slightly broader palette that's not just my favourites, I recommend the Mika starter pack on spotify.

2) The Mechanisms. I warn you. I am making this a thing. I have been obsessed with the mechs since last march.

Boy, where to start? The Mechanisms were a British 9 member space pirate story-telling cabaret that "died" in January 2020. They rewrite songs to fit retellings of various stories. I don't even know what genre I'd describe them as, but probably folk but steam-punk?? Their 4 "main" albums are concept albums, and I honestly just recommend listening to the from beginning to end in chronological order. A good way to get into the mechs is also to listen to UDAD and then watching the live show on youtube or alternately try giving Death To The Mechanisms a listen, to get good quality live show audio of TBI and various other stuff. Also, it was streamed on YouTube and someone combined the footage with the album audio and it rocks. Really, I think the mechs' best selling points are honestly just their concept albums:

Once Upon a Time (In Space) Their first album from 2012. I'd say this is the most "easily digestible" for the general public, since it's a retelling of various fairytales. So, what if Old King Cole was in fact not merry, but rather a cold-blooded dictator, intent on colonising as much of the galaxy as possible. What if Snow White was a general, looking to avenge what King Cole did to her sister, Rose. What if Cinderella was to be wedded to Rose the day that King Cole attacked in order to kidnap Rose? But y'know, In Space and also like every other mechs album it's a beautiful tragedy. Fave songs are Old King Cole, Pump Shanty, and No Happy Ending.

Ulysses Dies at Dawn You guessed it, it's a story about Odysseus, or Ulysses because I guess Ulysses is easier to rhyme or fit in the meter or something, idk. Ulysses is a war hero of unknown gender who is said to keep something that could take down the corrupt Olympians, meanest families in the City, in a vault to which only they know the passcode. Oedipus, Heracles, Orpheus, and Ariadne have been hired by Hades, who happens to be The Mechs' quartermaster Ashes O'Reilly, to get into Ulysses' vault. I didn't care much for udad at first, but honestly it's got some real bangers and the story is really good. UDAD weirdly stands out as the only of the concept albums to not feature any gay relationships, per se. Fave songs are Riddle of the Sphinx, Favoured Son, and Underworld Blues.

High Noon over Camelot This is my favourite mehcs album. So basically, this is Arthurian legend, but it's a space western and Jonny D'Ville does a bad southern accent. This is the story of the cowboy lovers Arther, Lancelot, and Guinevere searching for the Galfridian Restricted Acces Interface Login, or GRAIL, in order to stop their world from falling into the sun. Meanwhile, Mordred and Gawaine are ruling Camelot, and Mordred has convinced Gawaine to try to establish peace with the Saxons by whom Mordred was raised, but Gawaine hates viciously. If you love getting your heart broken and songs by a fucking off the rails batshit preacher I HIGHLY recommend hnoc. Fave songs are Gunfight at the Dolorous Guard, Blood and Whiskey, and Once and Future King. Honorary mention for Hellfire because it awakens something animalistic in me.

The Bifrost Incident TBI is the frankly only good adaptation of norse mythology I've ever known of, and I say that as Dane who was literally forced to learn things about norse mythology in school because it's my heritage or whatever. I've been listening to TBI a lot lately because it's VERY good. It's definitely the most refined of the mechs' albums (because it's the newest) but also I just love a little bit of cosmic horror. 80 years ago, Odin, the All-Mother, ruler of Asgaard, launched a train through the wormhole Bifrost that would reduce the travel between Asgaard and Midgaard from 3 months to 3 days, but things didn't go quite as planned. Lyfrassir Edda of the New Midgaard Transport Police is trying to solve the case of why suddenly the train has arrived 80 years late; to figure out whether it was accident or maybe it was sabotaged by Loki, who was allegedly sentence to death her murder of Baldur, by the Midgaardian resistance led by Loki's wife Sigyn, or maybe by Thor, who was to take over after Odin, and who holds quite the grudge because he used to be a friend of Loki's. You might've heard the song Thor from this album, it's apparently quite popular. Fave songs are Loki, Ragnarok III: Strange Meeting, and Ragnarok V: End of The Line. Yet again an honorary mention: Red Signal because while Lovecraft was a bitch, his invocations are fucking RAW.

Basically, the Mechanisms do all of their performances in character as captain first mate Jonny D'Ville, quartermaster Ashes O'Reilly, pilot DrumBot Brian, master-at-arms Gunpowder Tim, science officer Raphaella la Cognizi, doctor Baron Marius Von Raum (neither a baron, nor a doctor), archivist Ivy Alexandria, engineer Nastya Rasputina, and The Toy Soldier, who is, as usual, present. You can find very obscure lore about the crew of the Aurora here, tidbits on Tales To Be Told and TTBT Vol. 2, such as One Eyed Jacks, The Ignominious Demise of Dr. Pilchard, Gunpowder Tim vs. The Moon Kaiser, Lucky Sevens, and Lost in the Cosmos.

If you feel like listening to a full 40-50 minute album to find out if you like a band is a bit much, I recommend listening to one of the mini stories Alice, Swan Song, or Frankenstein, which are about 12, 5 and 9:30 minutes respectively.

3) The Amazing Devil You know that guy who played Jaskier in the Witcher? I got into The Amazing Devil from spotify recommending them because I listened to the mechs, and apparently Joey Batey from The Amazing Devil is the same Joey Batey who was in the Witcher. Both him and Madeleine Hyland are VERY talented singers and songwriters and their second album The Horror and the Wild makes me go out into the forest and SCREAM. I listened to it on repeat for like a month straight. I guess they'd also be considered folk, but like. New Folk. Also yes, this is another British artist, I don't know why I'm like this. I've never really gotten that into their first album, Love Run, but King slaps. As I understand there's this whole lore about the Blue Furious Boy and Scarlet Scarlet, Joey and Madeleine respectively, but unlike the Mechanisms it's actually possible to find out things about the actual real people and harder to find the obscure lore? I'm open for people to please help me. Fave songs are The Horror and the Wild, Farewell Wanderlust, and That Unwanted Animal, which is literally a third of their second album, but again. I haven't really listened to Love Run that much, and I just LOVE the harmonies on THATW. (also im gay and dramatic leave me alone)

4) dodie I have so much love for this woman. Like many others, I first knew dodie as doddleoddle on youtube. I think I first stumbled across her in probably 2015, because I distinctly already knew her before she released her first EP Sick of Losing Soulmates in 2016. I think I watched probably every video she's ever made in the span of a few weeks. I just loved her quiet sound and was absolutely HOOKED. Also she's actually the reason I got into MIKA originally, so thanks for that. Dodie just realeased her first album Build A Problem (in addition to her three EP's; the one mentioned above, You, and Human) and it slaps. Yes dodie is also British Fave songs are probably Monster, Rainbow, and In The Middle.

5) Cladia Boleyn Unfortunately, Claudia Boleyn only has three singles and that's it. She's been making content on youtube for quite a while, and that's how I first discovered her. I don't know what genre her music is, but I like it. The songs are Celesta, George, and Mother Maiden Crone, of which the latter is my favourite. I'm not saying Claudia Boleyn invented women in 2017 when she released Mother Maiden Crone, but she did. Also you guessed it, Claudia Boleyn is British.

6) Hozier I'm not about to tell you about Hozier. You know who he is. Listen to Nina Cried Power, Angel Of Small Death & The Codeine Scene, and Shrike. Also Hozier isn't stricly British in that he is definitely from A British Isle, but Ireland is not part of the UK. Give me a break.

7) Oh Land Oh Land IS DANISH. I like her early music best, because I'm not that into the electronic sound. I guess Oh Land is just you regular old pop, but with the occasional weird vibe? Oddly enough, I like her first album Fauna best. Unfortunately I haven't really listened to her newest album Family Tree much, but it seems good? Fave songs are Frostbite, Love You Better and Family Tree. I cried on the bus, first time I listened to the Danish version of Love You Better, Elsker Dig Mer because my mother tongue always just hits harder. Also Frostbite is Oh Land doing a duet with herself which is pretty cool.

8) Oysterband This is a live recommendation. I mean they're a decent folk band and all, but they're a fucking experience live. If you like folk and you ever get the opportunity to see Oysterband live, do it. Unfortunately, yes. They are British. Either way, they are incredible on a scene and I think they deserve a mention for that.

9) Ben Platt Honestly don't know much about this guy, but he's not British and he was in Dear Evan Hansen. He released an album in 2019, Sing To Me Instead, and I just think it's a good album, there isn't really not much more to it. Fave songs are Grow As We Go, Bad Habit, and In Case You Don't Live Forever.

and thats all for now. this has been a ramble. shout out to you if you actually read all of this, especially the mechs part.

[nepenthendline]

Trust - Tsukishima

wow is this actually part 2 of what I started like two months ago? mental

this is what was going to be the reality series but honestly, we all know thats gonna take ages for me to actually find motivation to do so im just doing them as and when I feel like it lol

Summary: Your relationship with Tsukishima isn’t going as strongly as you wanted, but Tsukishima is struggling to trust that you won’t hurt him (angst but it doesn’t end badly, 2.7k)

Tsukishima had been part of your life for the last two years, you both now being in your third year of high school. You had been in the same class every year, and little interactions such as brushing past each other to get to your desk, and asking him for a pen every now and then, turned into a budding friendship that left you both feeling safe and settled. You’d become close friends with Yamaguchi who was also in your class, so spending more time with Tsukishima was unavoidable. You were thankful for it though; both of you were.

Tsukishima was difficult; you either loved him or hated him, and unfortunately most of those who loved him were girls who thought he was hot and had never actually spoken to him, but his cool persona alluded them. Even you at first found his personality a little too prickly, not knowing how to deal with his teasing or aloofness, but slowly and subtly, you began to see these little parts of him that drew you closer. 

Like the evenings where the three of you would hang out and his walls seemed to fall a little to the point where you’d see him smile and let out little giggled that he hid behind his hand, the time when you went to a museum together for a school project and watched as he beelined for his favourite exhibitions and spent hours reading every single informative poster, or how he would present you with small encouragements whenever you were getting overwhelmed. He was more than his teasing, his remarks and the detached role he played. There was a warmth to him that sparked at times; this particular quality that surfaced whenever you needed someone to talk to or take time away with.

He hated that you had become such a big part of his life, but he didn’t want it to end. You were so different from him, yet so similar. There was a brightness to you that he could never emulate, but you understood him. You never got pissed off with his, sometimes rotten, personality; you listened to him and you never once pushed him further than he was comfortable with. He appreciated it, but he had no idea what to do with that. Slowly, he noticed how his heart would race slightly whenever he was around you, how his palms got a little sweaty and the way you plagued his thoughts way into the night. 

Late into your second year, you confessed your feelings to Tsukishima, someone accidentally as you had been ranting to him about your thoughts recently one evening. Shockingly to you, he accepted your confession. Even more shockingly was that he didn’t tease you at all for your feelings towards him, but instead offered you a nod, and a ‘me too’. 

You were nervous, but excited at how your relationship could progress and deepen with him. There was a sense of pride in you about how this distant boy had chosen you, that maybe there was someone good enough for him and that would be you out of all the others. And that you would get the be the only one that heard about his secrets, his deep thoughts, his happy moments where he couldn’t help but smile, and darker ones. That you would be the one who could warm his heard and show him a life of light. 

It was never like that. After 6 months together, it was as if nothing had changed between the two of you. Sure, you hung out together away from Yamaguchi at times, and you still talked to him when you needed to offload at points, but it was like you were just friends. The relationship wasn’t bad by any means; he was never nasty to you and he showed you nothing but respect. It was as if his walls were being rebuilt, one brick at a time. 

He rarely told you how he was feelings or his thoughts, he never showed any sign of vulnerability to you, but he also rarely showed love. You didn’t want to get ahead of yourself, after all you hadn’t been together for that long, but it felt like any previous feeling he had for you had disappeared. But maybe not? There were nights were you’d be talking, sitting on his bed together, and his hand would brush over to yours, lightly trailing over your skin as his eyes focused on you. He seemed so settled with you, so calm, and he would talk to you, tell you things about his past and his struggled. But then the next day he would keep his distance, barely laying his eyes on your or sharing his mind. You’d walk into class and he’d simply place his headphones on, turning his head away from you. 

His mind was tormented, and you knew that. He had told you on a couple nights about the haunted thoughts that spiralled in his brain often, of the anxieties that built up in him that he wasn’t worthy, that there was no point trying because it was already decided for him to fail. Even if he didn’t tell you, it wasn’t so hard to figure out when you actually paid attention to him. Often at school or around his club members, he’d mention how he could never compare to anyone else and that he was merely an inferior being. 

And so he pushed. He pushed people away with his quick quips and his disinterest in anything or anyone. His brother, his team and even you. He removed any chance of himself getting hurt, or rejected, or used. He wasn’t going to make a fool of himself and put his heart into things that were only going to hurt him in the end. If it wasn’t for the way his heart twisted in pain at the idea of leaving you, he would have never let you into his life. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you, but he knew how things were going to play out, so he did the next best thing and pulled himself away from you. Every day, he tried to drown out the thought of you in his mind, the idea that, possibly (almost definitely), he wanted to be your everything. Because if you hurt him, he would have nothing left. It would simply prove every worry, every excruciating thought he bottled up for the past many years. 

You two were sitting in his room, somewhat late into the evening, with him laying on his back on his bed with his headphones on, reading a magazine, and you sitting sideways on the bed too with your back resting against the wall. You were reading a book before, but your attention on that bad been long gone, and now deeply set on your thoughts. You looked over to Tsukishima, you boyfriend, although you’d never have guessed if it wasn’t for that fact that you were the one that asked him out. 

His expression looked so gentle though, something you didn’t see too often expect the odd times where you’d catch him looking at you. His honey eyes moved side to side as he flicked through the magazine, and his fingers often drummed against the pages in what you assumed was the beat of his music. You really couldn’t blame half the girls in your class that gushed over how attractive he was.

“What?” His voice suddenly jolted you out of your stare. You quickly looked away with your cheeks burning a little. 

“Uh-nothing,” you stuttered in a low tone, picking up your book again and doing your best to just look like you were reading.

“You were going to burn a hole in my skull if you had stared any longer,” he teased, raising his brow. 

“Sorry,” your voice was quiet, weak, as you barely acknowledged what he said. You were too focused on this wandering worries that swirled around inside. You felt him shuffle beside you, putting down the magazine and lifting the headphones off. He sat up, pulling his legs to his chest and wrapping his arms loosely around them. 

“What is it?” The frown on his face and the way he searched yours was mismatched to the annoyance in how voice, but you were used to it. Honestly, if you said nothing, or didn’t speak, he wouldn’t make you go on and you knew that, you could easily make it out to be nothing. He knew you were lying when you did this, but he wasn’t going to make you talk, and he didn’t want to seem like he cared too much to get it out of you. 

“Kei, what do you think about us? About me?” You asked hesitantly, turning to look at him. You couldn’t back away anymore. 

“Huh? What do you mean?” His eyes widen a little, and he sat up a little stiffer than before. 

“Do you have feelings for me, or not?” As much as you wanted to tiptoe around this, Tsukishima was the master of getting out of difficult conversations and bluntness was exactly what he needed. 

He turned his head away from you, looking at the floor beside his bed and took a deep breath.

“I’m with you, aren’t I?” 

“That doesn’t answer my question. Do you have feelings for me, or not?” You repeated. He turned back to look at you, his eyes small as he squinted at you from behind his frames. 

“Yes, I do,” he replied, letting out a sigh. Hearing that should have made you felt comforted, loved even, but it set fire to this anger in you.

“You don’t act like it,” his brow raised at you, as if edging you to continue, “we’ve been together for 6 months and what? I probably speak to you less than I did before we were dating, and you don’t seem to care at all.” You let out a heavy breath, looking away from him and staring at his wall. “I’m used to you being distant, but I thought things might change when we agreed to this. I feel like you’re just pushing me away. If you don’t feel anything for me when why lead me on instead of break up with me?” You spoke with a little more hostility than you intended, but you’d been overthinking this for a while now, and it felt good to say aloud. 

“I said I do have feelings for you, so can’t we just leave it at that?” He stood up, walking over to his desk and leaning over it, one arm holding himself up and the other picking up his water bottle. 

“Then why don’t you show me that? Why don’t we talk more than we do? Why don’t you hold my hand or hug me, or even kiss me? Why do you barely even acknowledge my existence when I’m around?” Your voice grew as you spoke, flooding the room. The room was plummeted into an awkward silence after you spoke; Tsukishima said nothing, and stood over his desk. All you could hear with the thump of your heart and your breathing. 

“What do you expect me to do?” He spoke, a bitterness in his voice. Your sight became blurry with tears that threatened to fall, what you expected of him? As if this some transaction that the two of you were involved in?

“I don’t expect anything from you, but if you do have feelings for me then surely you’d want to show me that? And let me show you too?” You lifted up from the bed, quickly coming to his side, “we could be so good together if you let us.” Your lip quivered; thoughts filling your head that maybe this was it, this would be the end of you together if Tsukishima decided he didn’t want this anymore or that he never did. Standing beside him, you saw his close his eyes, his head falling down towards the ground. 

“We could be. And then what if we aren’t?” You barely heard him as his muttered, laced with a poison you’ve never experienced before.

“Huh?”

“What if you decide you don’t want this and then leave? What if we both put all our heart into this, and it goes to shit? What’s the point?” He turned to you, his eyes wide and flaring. 

“W-well we can work things out. It’s not going to be perfect but we can deal with issues when they come up.” He pushed up from the desk, standing inches above, looking down towards you. His eyes glowed in the dark of his room, but it wasn’t a bright one, more like the light of a raging, agonised flame. 

“And what if you decide I’m not enough?” The silence returned as you stared at him, your jaw slack and left speechless. You saw him swallow hard as his throat wobbled, but he remained stiff in his spot. “The more I love you, the more it’s going to hurt when you leave.” 

Confused, your brows knotted together and your head titled as you looked at him. “Leave? I’m not going to leave you.” The corners of his lips curled upwards into a sickening grin as he let out a dark, sarcastic chuckle.

“Of course not.”

“I’m not going to hurt you,” you said, firmly, your hands tightening into fists as you watched him. “Look, I can’t promise you that everything’s going to be perfect between us because it probably won’t be, or that we’ll be together forever because neither of us know that, but I can promise you that I’m not going to intentionally hurt you, and that I will do anything I can to make us work. But I need you to trust me.” 

His head turned to the side, looking away from you as his fingers fiddled together. You moved forward, slowly brushing your fingers against his, then taking his hand when he didn’t flinch away. “I know it’s going to take a while, I understand. I came into this knowing that, but if you want this too then I need you to try.” You lifted a hand and gently placed it on his warm cheek. You felt him ease ever so slightly into your touch, and you guided his face to look towards you. “Yeah, it’s going to hurt if this doesn’t work, but it could be so amazing, and we won’t know that until we try,” your voice cracked, and you bit your lip to hold back your tears. 

His eyes were glassy, empty-looking as he stared back. You both stood still, quiet for a few moments. You were just wishing he would say something, do something. You didn’t expect him to start gushing his love to you, but just something that would show you he wanted this, and that you could both move on together. You searched his face but it was as if he wasn’t even there, simply an empty shell of a body that had already been devoured by the demons in him. A single tear rolled down your cheek and you let your hand fall from his face. 

Just as you were about to take a step away, he pulled you into his arms, trapping you close to his pounding chest. One arms wrapped around your waist and the other holding your head close, shaking a little. You let out a gasp, but relaxed into him, hugging him back. 

After a few moments, you let yourself nuzzle into his chest, tightening your grip around him for the first time. It felt so comfortable, so natural being in his hold. 

“Please, just let me in,” you croaked, tears staining his shirt. His fingers tangled themselves into your hair, the other hand digging into the skin on your hips as he rested his head on yours. “If you think you could, let yourself love me, please.”

He nodded, tilting his head down to place a kiss on your head, leaving his lips to rest there as he shut he eyes, breathing in your scent. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever be enough for you, but I’m too selfish to let you go.”

[autumnsart22]

Suna x reader: Final part (fluff)

Here’s the final part to my Suna x reader series! I wasn’t fully satisfied with this version, so I decided to make a *ahem* rougher version as well. If you’re interesting, click here. 

Art creds: @youneedasahi on twitter! 🤪

Despite Kita seeing you that day in the car, Suna still asked to keep whatever was between you a secret. That was fine with you--you didn’t particularly want a boyfriend, especially with the second semester of college work picking up. You still got to see him pretty often, hooking up in his car or your dorm at least three nights a week or more. Never the frat house; apparently his roommates were annoying. 

It was nice. Easy. Far easier than you ever expected friends with benefits to be. And beyond the sex, you loved talking to Suna; laying together on your tiny bed, legs tangled, while he explained the new music he was listening to, or walking together to the cafeteria as he made you laugh so hard that water came out of your nose. 

The good parts were enough to overlook the bad parts. At first. 

Suna was an abnormally horrific texter, barely ever responding within the day, if at all. If you ever wanted to get in contact with him, you’d have to call directly. And honestly even then he didn’t have the best track record. 

What was more frustrating was that it was always on his time. He would text you asking to hang out that night, and you would say yes, and then he wouldn’t respond until the following afternoon with some vague excuse about being busy. The first few times it happened, you got so mad that you didn’t respond to his calls, until he showed up at your dorm with panda express and forced you to watch Tokyo Ghoul with him. 

He had apologized...but it didn’t stop happening. It made you feel like you were some sort of side whore, who he called when he was bored and had nothing better to do. Like you were second best to everything else he had going on in his life. 

You had promised yourself from the beginning that you wouldn’t allow yourself to get close enough to get hurt, but it was hard. You really, really liked him. 

You liked the way he would stare at you while you talked, actually listening and curious as to what you had to say. You liked the way he hugged you after a few days of not seeing each other, burying his face in your hair like he couldn’t get close enough to you. You liked the way he laughed, both the usual, quiet chuckles and the rare snorting wheezes. You liked the way his mouth looked when he smoked, the way he moaned your name when he came, the way he could make you laugh at anything at any time. 

You didn’t want to get the “I told you so” talk from Kiyoko, so you avoided the topic all together: with her, and yourself. 

After one month of hanging out with Suna, you were planning on meeting up and going to see a movie. Both of you were more homebodies, preferring to stay in rather than party, but you had decided that you wanted to try and expand your horizons once again. The movies seemed like a happy compromise. 

The film was something Suna had been talking about for a while, an action thriller that honestly looked like shit but got good audience reviews because of all the flashy fight scenes. He had been so excited when it came out that you hadn’t been able to say no to going, especially not after he pried you with food. 

He was coming to get you at 6 pm, and your last class ended at 3pm, which gave you plenty of time to get ready. You stared at the face of your teacher on the screen within your zoom class, zoning out as he explained the flood system around the school. You glanced over as your phone buzzed, a message from Suna popping up on the screen. 

Suna

Wha u doying rit now?

You

What?

Suna

Sorr little drynk 

You

You’re drunk? 

Suna

im at psrty

You

Are we still seeing a movie tonight?

There was no response, and you felt your stomach drop. You didn’t even notice as your teacher ended class and logged you off the meeting. Suna was at a party at 3 in the afternoon, drunk, and didn’t seem to remember you had plans. You swallowed, shoving your phone aside as you ground your teeth. Why was he so frustrating? 

You stood up, angry at yourself for caring, furious at Suna for making you feel this way, for being such a piece of shit. You knew what party he was probably at--Kiyoko had said she was going at some point--and suddenly you were moving before you could think about it. 

You dressed nice, but casual enough that it wasn’t out of place at a frat party. Sexy enough to make him want you though, of course. 

You didn’t give yourself time for nerves as you strode from your dorm and headed in the direction of the frat house, following a steady stream of people already going in that direction. You knew it was Friday, but how the fuck were so many people already getting ready to party when it was literally 3:30????

It wasn’t overly crowded in the house when you entered, but enough where it was confusing as you wandered through the crowd. You snatched two drinks from the counter, downing them as fast as possible as you searched for Suna in the crowd. You’d need to be at least tipsy before having this confrontation. 

You found him in the living room, sprawled out on the couch next to who you recognized to be Akaashi, Kuroo, Kita, and Iwaizumi--all who you knew through Kiyoko. There were a few others you didn’t know, and they were all clearly drunk out of their minds. 

As you entered the room, Suna met your eyes for a brief moment, but then they moved on without a reaction. He didn’t care at all that you had come to find him, or that he had never responded to your text. 

The drink in your hand trembled, and you walked out of the room without looking back. 

Instead of talking to Suna, you decided to get wasted. An hour after first coming to the party, you were deep in a game of beer pong and you had a pleasant warmth in your gut, the world a little hazy. You felt braver, more angry, and suddenly all you wanted to do was track down that yellow eyed idiot and slap him. 

“Where’s Suna?” You slurred, turning to look at your partner at beer pong. You knew him vaguely as one of the frat boys, Suna’s friend Atsumu. 

Atsumu grinned, raising his eyebrows as he stared down at you. “Suna? Why?” 

You weren’t drunk enough to tell him of your “friendship” with Suna, so you just shrugged. 

“He’s over there,” Atsumu pointed towards the kitchen, and you felt all the blood drain from your face as you followed his gaze. Sitting in a chair, his back to you, was Suna...and on his lap was a beautiful blonde girl with her hands in his hair as she kissed him fiercely. 

You must have made some sort of sound, because Atsuma looked back at you. “You good?” 

You forced yourself to nod. “I’m...going to get some fresh air.” 

“I’ll come,” he said, and you decided not to argue. 

The porch was thankfully empty, and you took a deep breath of the night breeze, trying to clear your head. Seeing Suna had sobered you up considerably, but your emotions were still a complete mess. All you could feel was a deep, unending hurt. 

“So...you and Suna huh?” You looked up at Atsumu, who had a strange smile on his face. 

“What are you--?” 

“It’s fine, you don’t have to keep it a secret.” He took a step towards you, and you raised your eyebrows. 

“We aren’t together.” 

“Really? Then you wouldn’t mind,” He gently took your chin, lifting your face. “If I did this?” 

“I--” 

“What the fuck.” 

All the breath wooshed out of you at the familiar voice, which was now laced with anger. Suna stood on the threshold of the porch, his hands in his pockets as he watched you and Atsumu. He was smiling, but it was icy with rage and...jealousy?

“Suna,” Atsumu grinned, releasing your face but not stepping back. “What do you want?” 

Suna jerked his chin in your direction. “How about you get away from her, and then we’ll talk?”

“Dude,” Atsumu rolled his eyes. “She just told me she was single. I don’t get what the problem is.” 

Suna’s face tightened. “If you don’t get the fuck out of here in the next three seconds, I swear I will break your--”

“Chill, ok!” Atsumu stepped back from you, given you a frustrated look before heading into the house. 

When the door clicked shut, Suna’s head slowly turned to face you, his eyes dark. “Single?” His voice was a low snarl. 

You swallowed, feeling your anger return full force. How dare he. “Yes!” You snapped, “Since you clearly don’t view this as any sort of relationship.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“So you can go off kissing other girls, but I can’t flirt with Atsumu?” 

“Looked like a bit more than flirting,” he said, teeth bared, before the other part of what you said caught up to him. “And how drunk are you? I wasn’t kissing shit!” 

“Are you seriously lying to my face right now? I saw you!” 

“I didn’t kiss anyone! Do you really think that little of me?”

You clenched your fists. “Atsumu said--” 

Suna was in your face in a second, towering over you as he backed you against the wall. “What did he say?” He growled. 

You were breathing hard, wanting to punch Suna, but… he didn’t seem like he was lying. The person you had thought was Suna did have their back to you, and you had been drunk. Had you made a mistake? Even if you had though, it didn’t excuse any of his other behavior. 

“Why didn’t you answer my texts?” You finally snapped, and Suna gave a cold smirk. 

“Trying to change the subject?” 

“No, you bastard! I’m trying to figure out why you seem to be so upset when all you do is treat me like your side bitch!” 

His mouth fell open. “What?”

You could feel your throat getting tight, but you did not want to cry. 

“You never respond to my texts, you’re always cancelling plans with me to do other things, you act like you don’t know me in public, and you only seem interesting in having sex with me.” By the end, your voice cracked with a sob, and you turned your face away. 

Suna’s face was pale, his eyes wide as he stared at your hurt expression. “I didn’t…” His breath shuddered out, and he ran his hand roughly through his hair. “That isn’t what I think of you at all.” 

“Then…” you still wouldn’t look at him, and he wanted to punch himself. 

“Look, I’m terrible at being in relationships. I always feel like they lose interest, so I break it off early on. I just...I don’t want that to happen with you.” 

“How does you being a piece of shit help?” 

“Y/n,” Suna gripped your face in his hands, his eyes desperate. “I want to be with you all the time. I think about you constantly, what you’re doing, how soon I can see you again. It drives me crazy how much I--” He stopped, clenching his jaw. “I don’t want to overwhelm you, or pressure you into anything. I thought that by keeping it relaxed, you would…” He trailed off again, and all you could feel was your heart racing. 

“Then why do you always act so...uninterested?” You finally whispered, voice trembling. 

“Do you mean around my friends?” 

After a moment, you nodded. It was only really around them that he gave you the cold shoulder. 

“They’re all assholes, and I don’t want you to get involved with them. The second they think I love you, they’ll try and see why. To hurt me through you.” 

Your mouth fell open and I suddenly couldn’t think past one word. “L-love-?”

Suna’s eyes went wide, and he tried to step back. “I…fuck...” 

You gripped his shirt, forcing him to stay where he was. “Do you?” 

He paused, his face so red you thought he might pass out. “Yes.” He cleared his throat and met your eyes. “I’m in love with you.” 

He shifted nervously, waiting for your reaction, and you couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face. You stood on your tip toes and kissed him, arms going around his neck. He sighed into your mouth, grabbing your waist and tongue sliding along the seam of your lips, prompting you to open your mouth. After a long moment, you pulled away. 

“I love you,” You whispered to him, and Suna pressed himself against you, groaning into your mouth. 

“Really?” 

“Mhm.” You tugged away from him, meeting his eyes. “But will you try to respond to my texts? Not cancel plans? I need to know that you won’t just...ditch at a moment’s notice.” 

He nodded, expression seriously. “I’ll do anything to keep you here with me.” 

He kissed you on the nose, and you smiled.

“Ok.”

[kirencer]

febuary seventh (i’m seeing you)

Y/n and Spencer's relationship collide around a single day: the one where they first looked into each others eyes.

[Or, the all of the secret love letters they wrote during the beginning of their relationship]

Word count: (part one and two) 9.2k

Warnings: Language

Rating: Gen audiences

A/N: it was too long for tumblr, so I broke it into two parts!! Enjoy. GN! Afab reader (it’s important, trust me)

Part Two

Y/n looked up. They had just finished reading Spencer’s journal, the one dedicated to them. Spencer was kneeling and in his hand was a small box, the dainty ring he’d gotten years ago from his mom sat in between the white.

“Will you, Y/n L/n, do me the greatest pleasure by marrying me?” Spencer said with his anxiety showing through. Y/n gasped and threw themself at Spencer, wrapping their arms tight around him.

“Yes!” they cried, pulling away for Spencer to slide the ring on their finger. Then they took a deep breath. “Wait here.”

They disappeared into the two’s bedroom, rummaging through some things before running back with a black binder in hand. “It’s only fair if you see my unsent love letters, too.”

Spencer grasped it and flipped the binder open as Y/n guided him to the couch.

“They’re in order but aren’t as neatly organized as yours - I stopped writing before you did, though.”

————————————————

For Spencer Reid, february 8th 2008 10:17 am

It was yesterday, a little more than 24 hours ago at 6 am that I was on a bus. Tiny, white and cramped, but now I realize it was actually a ferry to the love of my life. Even though at the moment all I cared about was when I was going to get to stretch my legs next, it still buzzed with excitement because I was about to be in your city even if you didn’t come to see me, that would’ve been enough. Being three feet away from you is more than enough. Being Two inches away from you is bliss. But your head on my shoulder is nirvana.

But then, only two hours after I had started my d&d campaign (the moon isles or something) there was an urge to look behind me. I tried to ignore it but I looked anyway.

What I saw scared me. Not because I’m afraid of you Spencer, but because I was scared of myself. I wanted to run to you and hug you, but I was too scared of scaring you away that I didn’t. My head seemed to spin as a second glance felt like a hundred years. Then a smile broke out on my face and I looked away. At first I didn’t think it could be you, I half screamed at the two people sitting on the left side of me. “Don’t look now, but my boyfriend’s here” of course they looked and Sophia told me that you were walking over here.

My insecurities flared up, but I remembered that you love me, even though I'm tired and probably covered in acne. She said you sat down behind me and I risked a quick glance, or two, or three times every two minutes. I tried to act as normal as possible even though if I looked back I would see the smile that lifted your cheeks when I looked at you. It was hard to focus on my campaign because it’s cliche, but I could sense you behind me and I was shaking. My friends were hyping me up to say Hi and I was trying to not scream. I ran to the bathroom, splashed water on my face and tried to calm down. I ran back, probably looking a little too excited. Ok, I was totally too excited.

My campaign finished up, you caught me staring at you a few times and my friends told me you were looking at me anytime we all made a loudish noise. After that, you followed us to lunch, well, followed me. You stood beside me and I said Hi, you replied the same. Then you grabbed your stuff and seemed to have left. I visibly deflated, my one chance to see you and I missed it. Then you came back, with a takeout bag in hand and some fries. I didn’t mention it already but you looked adorable in your glasses, from afar they look too big for you but then you see the big warm eyes behind them. Your cheekbones are so nice and everything about you is handsome, even more than I could have imagined. Photographs don’t do you justice. I hoped you had liked your dice, I got the red and black ones but I was scared you didn’t like yours.

You sat directly in front of me and my friends (Deriasia and Emma) immediately made fun of me and I almost died. At that moment. When you smiled and laughed. My friends gave us their blessing, which kinda fit because you were as tense as if you were meeting my parents.

I asked you to sit with me during the next campaign and you did (we snuck you in without paying). You played with the first character I ever played (Bida the high elf wizard). I was almost too distracted to really compete in all the things, instead focusing on you. You let me use your journal to doodle, a weird eye and a girl. Did you notice me fiddling with my hands? If I didn't keep them busy I probably would’ve put my hands in your hair or grab your hand. I remember you asking me if I needed a hug. I said yes and I think that hug is the most important one I've ever had. You laid on me and I didn’t care what my friends would say, all that matters was you.

My skin in two weeks will not remember the feel of your hair, my lips will not remember your cheek, but my brain forever will. At that moment, physical immortality is not as important as the immortalization of those touches.

They linger in my head, fuzzy and soft on my skin but they’re there.

I remember you telling me not to buy you anything (i still got you a resin skull magnet and dice) I remember flirting with you, i remember it all. I remember how you know all of Sappho’s poems and fragments, I want to remember everything about you. I know I won’t, you’re the one with the crazy good memory, after all.

I wish I would’ve looked in your eyes and told you that I saw you. I wish I would’ve pressed my lips to yours, but then again there’s always next time. And next time I will, even if it’s right in front of the whole world. Because I love you. I really fucking love you and everyone can suck it. I love you.

And I think that’s all that matters.

____

I have waited almost six months to hold you in my arms, and now I wait longer. I hate myself, I didn't hug you. I should’ve.

I didn’t tell you I love you enough, I didn’t kiss you properly. I wish I did.

Currently my arms ache to hold you, my eyes burn to see you and my lips yearn to touch yours. I can’t wait to indulge myself in thousands of kisses, I hope they are as sweet as your skin. Kinda licked my lips after kissing your nose, cheek, and right under your neck. You taste sweet, I think I'm addicted.

I still feel the ghosts of your touch on my skin, I love it. I love you. I want to have your actual skin under my fingertips, to hold you when you wake up from a bad dream, to dance with you under the stars. Decide what song is ours and argue over how cheesy it is. Cry on the day we say our vows, cry at the birth of our first child, cry when they go to school, cry when they grow up, cry when I realize that we did it. I can’t wait to have life with you.

If there’s such a thing as soulmates then the word was made to describe us.

I love you.

____

I fell asleep, I woke up right before you texted me. I dreamt about you, in my mind I fell asleep with you in my arms. In my mind I am sitting in a cafe, right across from you drinking tea.

I prefer it to real life, by about an infinite percent. My friend came in and basically yelled at me to let him use my box, I told him to fuck off. I know I won’t be able to fall back asleep but I do hope to continue my dream tonight. Currently im trying to believe that you think i’m “stunning” it’s starting to work it’s way into my mind that i’m not ugly.

Spencer, I love you.

You have such an effect on me, the first week we were together you weaseled your way into my mind. You sprouted a tree that is still a sapling but has rooted to the core of my mind, slipping into my heart and spreading through my limbs. You’re almost a drug (the only one I approve of).

You’re poison, searing through my veins and warning my skin. But you’re not toxic, you’re candy, sugary sweet, something tangible that almost floats in and out of existence.

If you are a God, I am your most loyal patron.

____

Time is meaningless but it goes so fast, only eight minutes left to talk then my day ends. So many more ‘I love you’s I could say.

But time will not permit our love, that’s fine, I’ll wait it out till the end.

You’re worth it.

Seven Minutes

____

You always deny that you’re adorable, and that’s so adorable.

It’s frustrating sometimes because you’re so beautiful you deserve to know it. But oh well, i’ll just have to prove you are.

I told you I’d rather go on a date with you first before doing anything sexual. you also deserve to know your love is all I need, not your body (that’s just a perk)

You’re hot, sue me!

____

In the shower, I have most of my daydreams. Ranging from cotton candy clouds to a place where my parents accept me. However, the best daydream i’ve ever had is about a boy. A boy with chocolate brown eyes and a beautiful smile. Ding Ding Ding, his name is Spencer.

My dream is about his last name, well it involves it. I imagine myself talking to him while I say an important speech, in front of a crowd of people. I’m talking about our relationship, about how much I love you, and how much I can’t wait for the next chapter of our life to start. I always tear up when everyone is quiet at the end, and then you say what you have to say. It’s fuzzy and I don’t remember any of it (kinda want you to make your own in the future) but after you say it. It's time.

You say two words, so low only I and the person standing next to us can hear, “I do”

That’s the best day dream I’ve ever had, because I know it won’t be just a dream (I hope)

____

The best part of my day is looking at any photos from you: they always make me smile. Even when my day has been utterly terrible, your bright eyes are always a light in the dark.

I often don’t even need to think about you to have your smile in my mind, it’s just there, like a constant bright sunshiny beam. A single thought about you makes my day, a single touch my year, remembering that you’re mine makes my life a whole much better.

You, make living better.

I live for you, you’re all I ever want to have.

Je suis fou amoureux de toi.

____

So uh, you might have noticed but I don’t know how to talk to people, let alone talk to you.

It’s not that I have nothing to say, I have too much to say. It all bubbles in my mind and makes me jump on topic every three seconds. But when it comes to you, I'm stuck on which way to tell you I love you.

So, how about all of them?

I don’t need to focus on a single part of your face to know that it’s beautiful, but I do. All the parts work in harmony, like a choir. But individually they are still beautiful. I love every single inch of your face, individually and together.

I love you for your personality, I fell in love with a genius who is so much more than his memory or intelligence. Then I fell in love with a sweet boy who whined when I said self deprecating things. When we first met, I instantly fell in love again, with a shy boy who would look up at me from under his lashes.

Fuck, my mind is racing too much to distinguish anymore. But, I hoped I showed you.

That, I love you now, and forever will.

Happy Valentine’s day, my love.

____

Happy anniversary, god I can’t believe it’s been five months already. It seems just yesterday I was crying over whether or not I should continue liking you (i had told myself I wasn’t good enough for you).

Well, turns out I was wrong. I’m just enough for you. It doesn’t matter to me anymore if you’ll ever leave me, well, it does, `but there’s something more important, you being loved and being happy is what matters. And I can’t wait to give you what matters.

I love you babe! I’ll try to write more to show it.

____

My mind is a cavern of echoes, words (well a name) revertibrating in my skull.

The things used to be about art, school, anything slightly important.

But now, it’s filled with the most important person in my life. Analyzing the color of his hair (a warm brown), thinking of his eyes, thinking of his name and my name with a change; Spencer Reid (and sometimes Y/n Reid) has taken over my mind and burrowed into my soul.

I think if the red string of fate was real then we’d have been connected when we first met. Fuck, we are connected.

If we weren’t why would I have fallen in love with you? It was fate that I sent a letter to a wrong address, fate that I stumbled upon the boy that would change my life for the better.

Our souls are connected, being pulled because of the distance though, and I can’t wait to be with you. Not two halves of a whole, but two souls that fit like a puzzle piece.

I love you, and you love me. Even though I'm a coward.

When we have a daughter, her name should be Rhiannon. We will both dote on her like the goddess she is. Just a thought :>

____

You were in my house today. I think I'm dying, I'm wearing your sweater. It smells like you. I think you left it behind on purpose.

You smell really nice. It’s not like a cologne or anything, but it's nice. You’re nice

You kissed me. You’re a really good kisser. You should do it again and again and again.

I got the news yesterday, my transfer went in, I'm sending my letter to you tomorrow. I know you’re in my city but I'd rather it be like this.

I don’t think i'm going to write any more, don’t think that means i don’t love you!!

I am going to hold you for hours, I promise, I love you.

————————————————

Spencer finished reading and smiled up at his new fiance. “We were such dorks! It's crazy how similar we thought.”

Y/n nodded and looked down at their ring. “We were dorks in love! Um, so how do you feel about the name Rhiannon?”

“It’s pretty, but I don’t think we need to be worrying about baby names - we need to figure out how to tell my team we’re engaged.” Spencer quipped, wrapping his arms around Y/n before it hit him.

Y/n’s morning sickness, the weird secretive doctors appointment, and what they had just said. “No!” he whispers, a smile growing on his face, “I’m gonna be a dad?”

They nod and bury their head into Spencer’s chest. Spencer can’t stop the smile that beams across his face. He grabs Y/n and spins them around in his arms, “This is the best news!!”

He pressed a deep kiss to Y/n’s lips, then went onto his knees to wrap his arms around Y/n. “Jason Derek Reid if it’s a boy and Rhiannon Penelope Reid if it’s a girl.”

Y/n smiles and nods, “I was thinking the same thing.”

“Let’s be on the same page, forever from now on, okay?”

They nodded, Spencer’s hands finding place on their back as he pressed his lips right below Y/n’s navel. Y/n’s hand’s dug into his hair: “Forever.”

Years later the two do indeed wake up on a Saturday morning to impatient kids who demand to be made pancakes. Sometimes after a hard case they do dance at three am in their underwear. Sometimes they do a lot of things in their underwear. They’re together in every way imaginable.

And to them? It’s the most important thing that could ever be possible.

The End

part one

[heartachebf]

9, 23, and 37 -Batz 🖤💜

fic related questions

9. which fic has been the hardest to write? um can i say all of them ^_^ on a more serious note, id probably have to say either my georgebur high school au fic or my enemies to lovers fwt fic! i love the concepts behind them so much, and i love the bits and pieces of them that ive managed to write, but its just been So hard over the months to actually Work on them enough to be able to post them :( im sure there are others thatve been tough to write, but those are the only ones that come to mind right now!

23. if you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why? ok im about to be very vulnerable and open with this one, but the first thing that comes to mind is a rhys/fiona borderlands fic that i wrote when i was 13 that was basically just a self indulgent rewrite of a piece of canon. (fun fact, that fic and all my other borderlands fics are on a super secret ao3 account that i scrapped years ago for. reasons im honestly not too sure of anymore) but i really like the idea behind that fic still, but its very. ugh. yknow? its very clearly written by a very young person! and if i ever get heavily back into borderlands, i honestly might try and rewrite All the fics ive got posted on that account bc They Deserve Better

id also probably pick my pta dads buddie au bc the au is so near and dear to my heart, but i started it when i was 16 and it needs a lotta major reworking before i can ever hope to Continue it

37. talk about your current wips. omgomg ok, so ive got Four active wips and Two fic ideas that are lengthier that i havent started yet, but i still am Actively Thinking about them (under the cut bc this post is getting long enough as is)

1. first is an angsty stan/kyle fic! to summarize, stan and kyle are pretty new to their relationship, and kyle invites stan over to dinner at his parents house so they can meet him as his Boyfriend instead of his Best Friend for the first time. but stan gets an eensy bit shitfaced and makes an ass of himself, so kyle tells him he needs to get his shit together. n stan is pissed bc hes like "i dont have a drinking problem!!" but then he talks to kenny and craig and tweek and theyre all like "um. dude you definitely have a problem lol." and im not sure how itll end yet, but i Am excited for it!

2. next is the one where stan realizes hes nonbinary and comes out ^_^ not much to say about that one yet, but i Am excited for it

3. next is the one where craig counts tweeks freckles !! not much to say abt this one other than the fact that its saying sappy craig rights And its gonna be nothing but extreme fluff

4. next is another style fic! this one has kyle n kenny being besties, as well as stans band, crimson dawn! basically, crimson dawn has a show, kenny asks kyle to come, kyle Goes to the show, and immediately falls in love with the cute lead singer whos absolutely Wrecking his throat with his screaming ^_^ theres also gonna b some side butters/kenny!!

5. next is one of the ones thats just an Idea so far! this one is centered around how, in the vaccination special, kyle+cartman+stan kinda treated kenny like their son so! au where they decided to adopt a kid (kenny) together (bc thats a thing that bros do)! and the fic is basically gonna center around kyle and cartman getting into fights all the time n eventually going to counselling together so they can Stop fighting, and stans jus kinda there, being the best dad he can while also supporting his friends in their journey of being able to parent together again ^_^ and then therell also be some stan/kyle later on, havent decided yet :)

6. finally, single dad stan au!! basically, stan n wendy had a kid together, but they later divorced (but they remain good friends!) n their kid is starting kindergarten! n for one reason or another, stan meets the cute school librarian (kyle ^_^) and gets a big crush on him! n thats all ive got for that one so far ^_^

[shiishki]

okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Ok

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.