#all that work and stress and axiety

[miss-fitfairy]

Week 10

I'm on a break. It is far too hot in here to workout, I feel queasy all the time. I have many many things to do rn in my life so it is not easy at all to stay dedicated and consistent. But somewhere in my mind, I don't forget that I am here to lose weight. I am making a plan in my head :

First year : from 111 kg to 93 kg : I don't want to be in morbid obesity anymore. I learn to eat less and better, slower. I learn to move my body again. (he is aching soooo much rn xD)

Second year : from 93 to 79 kg : I don't want to be obese anymore. This an adjective I don't wanna hear anymore about myself. I want to have radically changed my daily diet. I want this change to last forever ! I want to workout at least twice a week and to have kicked the sh*t out of sedentary lifestyle.

Third year : from 79 to 68 kg : I am getting slowly from fat to fit avoiding getting extra skin or unhealthy weight loss. I get my fuc*ing self confidence back. Now, eating clean and working out are as natural as breathing in my life !

All the remaining years of my amazing life :

If i keep losing weight it's great but if I am not it's ok : the most important is not to be obese anymore. I want to be able to walk without feeling pain, to run (rn it is merely impossible), to have beaten bulimia and bing eating, stress and axiety.

I WANT TO BE MYSELF AGAIN

Cheers from France

PS : I am not anti obese or whatever. Some people are gorgeous and healthy the way they are ! I am not. My health is down down below, I have many mental health and physical health issues partly due to obesity. Soooo I will never be a fat shaming or body shaming person : every body is BEAUTIFUL, but mine HURTS and I want it to get better !!! :D

[blushweddinggowns]

Idea expanded, Rockstar Eddie falling head over heels for Bartender Steve working in a high class club type of joint. He sees him working one night and thinks God damn, he's hot. I'm taking him home tonight.

Except bartender Steve has developed a significant distaste for celebrities and rich people in general because of getting cut off from his homophobic parents for coming out and the general bad way many have treated him at work whilst sloshed. But lucky for Eddie, Steve doesn't recognize him. And even though he started off in a trailer park, the fame has gone to his head a little and he asks Steve out with the full intention of getting into his pants and never seeing him again.

But oh no, would you look at that Steve isn't easy. And what Eddie thought would be a booty call ends up being a ten hour date around the city where he has more fun than he even thought was possible. Just from talking with Steve about anything and everything, flitting to parks and museums. And Eddie doesn't even realize until he's back at his hotel that they didn't even kiss.

And they go out more and more, and Eddie likes him more and more and he finds out where the rich people hate comes from. And it scares him. So he keeps lying. Like an idiot. And he tells Steve a fake last name, he tells him a fake job (which is only half fake because he did used to be a tattoo artist) and he rents an air bnb that he pretends is his own place. And the lies keep getting more elaborate to cover up more lies. And he keeps refusing to meet Steve's friends out of fear that they'll recognize him. And he really just drove himself into a corner here because he is absolutely in love with Steve at this point but how the fuck can you have a normal relationship when you are pretending to be someone else?

Turns out you can't, and Steve finds out the truth despite his efforts. But the twist is, he thinks it's fucking hilarious. After a normal period of What the fuck reaction time he gets over it. But never let's Eddie live it down.

------------------------------

6/27 Edit: Welp, now there's a fic.

Two fics actually. The other is by KikiZ on ao3 which is great if you're not looking for an explicit fic! Because mine will be. It's also a bit more introspective than what I got going on, and also thus far, hella romantic.

[ichikakyomi]

🌸┍——— /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\ ———┑🌸  "With Sympathy"

[ Third Request ]

➴ Fandom: Genshin Impact

➴ Best Friend/ Xiao, Venti, Albedo comforts Reader who suffers with axiety.

➴ Genre: Comfort  🍬  ヾ(*´ ∇ `)ﾉ

➴ Warning: None

➴ Words: 1120

🌸 Note: Thank you again for requesting! Here is the request you asked for, I hope it will satisfy you. I hope you enjoy!   (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`) ♡

I also have a note for you guys if you have a problem big or small, I’m really proud of you. For holding it up till now. I don’t know what you’re going through right now. If your going through anything, but I’m unbelievably proud of you. You’ve been going even through everything that’s going on right now, and that just shows how strong of a person you are! Just remember to drink water and eat, that’s all I ask for you okay? It’s small but you are such a strong person!

Song Playing:

══⊹⊱ Best Friend ⊰⊹══  ˖◛⁺ ⑅ By Rex Orange County

0:00 ─〇───── 4:22

⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

Xiao 🌿

Xiao remaining immensely silent while you tell him about your problems, it’s a pleasant silence, just a safe port in a storm that only the two of you share. From time to time Xiao would mutter soft whispered words of support, in hopes that you’d feel better, because if there was something he hated the most, it would be seeing you like this.. stressed out and clearly in the brink of tears.

He says nothing, the moment he sees distress in you, all he does is pull you towards his chest, and let you cry it all out, the way he holds you is tight as if he doesn’t want you to face your pain alone, so that way you don’t get drowned by your own pain like he always did.. He doesn’t really talk in moments like these, he mostly just touches, and always listens.

Occasionally pulling back while holding you to look at your face, wiping the tears off your cheek.

Xiao wouldn’t leave your side, even if he’s going to the bedroom to get you some pillows so you would be more comfortable to sit, he’s dragging you with him, keeping you right by his side, so that way he could make sure you’re fine, that you would at least feel a little better by the comfort.

Eventually he will clear his throat, asking you in a soft tone, “Would you like to… talk about it..?”

If you do, he will listen, it doesn’t matter if it takes a while or even hours, ranging from the simplest to the complicated or even the silliest things he will listen and would always remember, committing to help you, no matter what.

Will insist on you to take a break to recover after things like these, being emotionally drained is very difficult to work through along with daily life, and he knows that better than anyone..

It would take a few promises to convince him that you really do feel better, so he finally becomes sure with letting you go on with your day.

In the end Xiao encourages you to focus on caring for yourself, even if he is trying to cope with the same issue as you. Expect the following days of him paying you much attention and care from guiding tucking you to bed, or a warm bath personally prepared by himself.

Venti 🍃

Venti comforts you by trying to make you laugh. Either a joke nor a song that’d never fail to put even a slight smile on your face. he’ll try everything just to see that smile of yours light up your face again..

He handles emotions very delicately, with utmost the upmost care, like the way he immediately tucks you into his arms and pats into your hair, trying his best to give you a sign of comfort for the least.

You would try to explain your feelings, but it was so…. complex... you just want it to end, all of this because the longer, it hurts. Tearing up in Venti’s embrace.

Venti by instinct brings you to Windrise, as you two approach the large tree. he holds your hand gently, and he turns around to face you, pulling out his lyre, he will sing to you softly while patting his hand against your head, his other hand stroking your back with a soothing but gentle rate.

After some time, when his song finishes, he just smiles and glances at you, then he will start another song again upon by your requests along by wiping your tears.

Ultimately laying you both on the grass sending a refreshing cool breeze, humming and swaying until you feel better, or he will hold your hands in his own, rubbing your knuckles while softly talking to you.

Venti in all potential would try to cheer you up with your favorite snack or sweets, and once your eyes are dried and you feel much better, he'll tease you about it only to get a small breeze messing up your hair and have you both drowned in giggles.

By the time you both done, he's grabbing you back in a hug, arms squeezing you tightly, you've already forgotten the reason why you were even sad in the first place, gazing upon the red hued skies..

The winds are everywhere in Teyvat, and you oath on yourself can hear the faint pat on your head...you know he's always there for you.

Albedo🌱

While most people think of Albedo an apathetic of a person, he is in fact one of the best people to seek for comfort. He’s unsympathetic, blunt, smart, and immensely literal. But with you, he’ll have to make an exception. However for the most part, because of Klee, he’d often be the one to cheer her up in the end, he’d gotten used to comforting people.

Due to his skills in observation, he catches on pretty quickly what was really going. He understands the stress, the pain that you bottled up, including the fear of being vulnerable.

Slowly taking a seat beside you and staying there for a while. He won’t speak for a bit, giving you the chance tell him what’s on your mind. If you don’t want to, don’t fret, he’ll just talk it out with you. It takes him a lot of patience, but he doesn’t mind a single bit as long as it’s to help you feel comfortable, he talks about himself first. A little bit about his past, how difficult it feels to keep it all bottled up inside his chest. Slowly, he helps you out into letting out your own emotions.

How do you feel a certain emotion without something causing it? There must be a reason for it, no?

He’s happy to see you let it out. At first, he solely sits there, speaking out words and sentences of praise and small advices as he rubs circles along your back.

Albedo’s right.. sometimes it’s just that your inner child needs a hug and it takes you two weeks and a few metal breakdowns to understand that this is all you needed… plus a good cry.

Klee told him Dodoco helps when she’s feeling down, because Dodoco reminds her how much her mum loves her. So when people told him about their favorite foods or flowers. He then realized it was more because those were valuable for every person.

Albedo will remember what he was told, that it’s important to just be there for someone, so he will stay at your side, his hand on your back rubbing it while you are sobbing.

Once you are fully calm he makes you some hot beverage and a small meal in any case you get anxious again later on.

Please request me to write, I’m on my deathbed waiting. (◕ ‸ ◕✿)

[ Thank you for reading, please tell me if I have any spelling errors so I can fix it! ♪(ﾟ▽^*)ﾉ⌒☆ ]

✒┈ [ Posted on 14 December 2021 ]

[leaveherwildliketheflowers]

hello! long time follower here. congratulations on the very happy news of your pregnancy! i am very excited for you and am hoping it all goes well. i'm just wondering if you have considered whether the anxiety and trauma related to losing the twins may contribute to your fertility issues? i don't mean to place 'blame' as such, but more suggest that our psyche (including our subconscious) can have a huge influence on various aspects of our physical health. i know stress and anxiety can have a negative impact on pregnancy in a range of ways and i'm wondering if this is something you have thought of addressing - especially seeing as you are now pregnant again? wishing you and hubs all the very best with this one x

Thanks anon 🤍

Absolutely I have thought of this. In fact, I'm certain it plays a role here and it is something I do actively address. This is why I'm in therapy twice a week, started doing acupuncture once every other week, and have various other self care activities that I engage in to help reduce stress. I talk more openly about my axiety with Hubs and T to give it a face and name so it doesn't eat me alive internally. I have also talked in length with my therapist about medication for anxiety and depression, but we both agree that my intense fears of the [minimal] risks of medication to a pregnancy is enough of reason to find other ways to address my mental health.

I'm in a much different place than 2021 when I miscarried. Physically and mentally. If I'm being honest, I also think I'm in a healthier place physically than I was when I was pregnant with the twins. I stepped it up for that pregnancy, don't get me wrong, but going into it my diet was extremely restrictive and my weight was very low. I have worked so hard to gain weight (in a healthy way), get on a consistent healthy diet, move my body mindfully, and find ways to cope so I don't engage in ED or SH behaviors. I'm actually quite proud of myself. I have done everything I need to do to help ensure that this pregnancy goes smoothly. If things don't go the way I want them to I will at least know that I did everything in my control. I know it won't be my fault.

Thanks for the well wishes. I'm interested in who this long time follower is 😊

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

Today I had my first day of class. Because we are split between 3 countries now, we are only 10 in class, of which 2 joined online. So, today, we were 8. 

My axiety went over the roof because in the beginning nobody talked, or answered the teachers when they asked questions, so I did, because I hated that uncomfortable silence. Then, some more people joined in, but their sheer stupidity and self-profilation of those people has driven me nuts ever since I started this programme. One girl opens her mouth even she is not called upon, interrupting people, and looking more for showing how smart she is, than for answering the questions. Teachers sometimes try to stop it, but she just keeps talking. It is hell. One guy has opinions stronger than my morning coffee, but just as bitter. Another one cannot form a single sentence in English. Can you believe she has a scholarship? I'm wondering who writes her application letters, as she also got an internship 6 people dearly wanted. A research internship. In English. And she got the spot. I've seen her writing. It's crappy. Something is off here. Anyway, when I wasn't anxious about the quiet, I was anxious about speaking up, because I hate to be that student who talks all the time. So I was anxious about finding a balance and then I was anxious about what the teachers would think about me because I don't want to become the teacher's pet. But then in the second class, we had a teacher that I go by informal you with. She is from my country and we met a while ago. I was the one organising the zoom call for the 2 online people (cause who else would have done it) and so I had to stay a little longer after class. As soon as the last person exited, she switched to our common language and talked to me in a rather familiar way, which is fine, because we are informal, but everybody outside the classroom heard, and my friend gave me that look of wow, you're really trying to hard, and I didn't but I don't know. Everything scared me.  And then I came home and I was shaking. I need to work and go get a library card, but I am unable to. I just can't because the day was so exhausting. Tomorrow we meet the second teacher from today again. And I am dreading it. 

Additionally, this morning, one teacher told me something along the lines of Lena, it's so nice to see you participate so much, but i'd like to give the others an opportunity to say something as well. Nobody said anything. So she came back to me after 3 minutes that felt like hours. 

After class, I went up to her to ask if she could please not do that, that I understand that I can't talk all the time and I am completely fine with being ignored. If she looks at me, I know she saw me. No need to stress that she isn't calling me because that makes very very anxious. She apologised and told me thank you for telling me, but now I feel weird about because well... I don't know.

This letter is a mess, I am sorry. My social battery and brain battery are beyond empty and I can't seem to be able to recharge today. Tonight I have dance classes, and there will be so many more new people and I am not sure I can do it. Everybody looking and listening again and I am just scared.

And then there is another teacher. With that teacher things have been going great. We met last year, she will be my thesis supervisor, and I have my internship with her. Last time we met, she told me she really liked that I asked her for the internship spot and that she hadn't thought of it but will be delighted to create me a custom made internship. So much for not wanting to be the teacher's pet. And well, when I talked about a potential PhD and told her I already found a supervisor in my country, she offered to be my second supervisor. I like her a lot. And I look up to her. But I am so scared of disappointing her, or her growing tired of me or finding out I am not as smart or well-read as she might think. I am overwhelmed and classes have only been going for one day. How am I gonna survive the semester...?

To compensate, I am fixating on food again. I barely eat anymore. I have lost 6kg. Everything lastes like sand and even though I am hungry, food makes me want to throw up as soon as I smell it. Part of me is scared. Part of me is happy I am finally getting closer to the weight my mom always wanted to me. 

I dad is a toxic asshole. My mother is being strange. Everything is falling apart. My girlfriend isn't fine but I can't do anything about it because she doesn't want to bother me. I don't know how to tell my 5 flatmates that I need some space, because by social battery is low, and I don't want to disappoint them. I also want to spend time with them, but I somehow can't because even that makes me uncomfortable. Everything is so complicated and I am stressed to the bone, filled with anxiety. I keep repeating all the stupid things I said today and they don't seem to want to leave my brain. I can't even sleep. I haven't slept properly in weeks. I can't sleep until 2 and then wake up at 6. I am drained. Anxious. Depressed. Scared. Empty. It's so hard...

I really hope this will just be ignored. The letter is not even a letter, just a mix of sentences and nonesense. Sorry for that. I cannot believe I am still writing to you after all these years. The first time I wrote was 5 years ago. Time flies. That's another thing that scares me. Aaaa I'm a mess. Anyway. 

Thanks for listening. Please send help.

Love always, 

Lena.  

31.08.2022

[inquisitorcastellanos]

Heya! Sorry for popping in and out lately. I’ve been very depressed the past few days, like worse than usual. My stress and axiety has been at an all time high and I’ve been stuck home alone during the days which does help at all. 

People have been piling work onto me and the deadline is less than a month away, the deadline for my last feedback opportunity on my thesis essay is the 6th and I’m nowhere near done and with all this extra work I don’t think I’ll be able to make it. I’m currently trying really hard to ask people for help and schedule my time, and I’m very upset about having to break the quarantine and meet up with someone that I really don’t want to see or even talk to just to try and finish this project.

At this moment I just want to finish this all up, graduate and then do things that I actually want to do. This program and its courses has literally taken all my motivation out of me for games, writing and art... I just feel so empty about it. 

I’m trying to stay positive and I appriciate all of you that have been checking in on me and included my in things. I really am grateful and I love you guys <3 Just wanted to update to let you know if I disappear for a while.

[emoali]

Friday🔴

This morning Brian had woken up at the same time I did 5:30... I just sat in the bed full of anxiety my thoughts rushing all over the place... Did I make a mistake? Why dont i feel happy? Thinking about seeing his parents down stairs made me sick... Brian asked what was going on... talk to him he said... I told him that i still dont know what to do...A part of me still wants to leave... He said I'll never make u happy.... Today is your Friday you can pack up this weekend if thats what you want... I vomited from the anxiety... We look at eatch other and he says he doesnt want me to go to work like this and brings me in for a cuddle... We kiss... And he says were going to get through this....

I feel better yet still very confused....

At work My hands wont stop sweating

My anxiety is horrible

I messaged brian and it felt good we were enjoying our company...talking about getting pizza and watching a show...

Just cuddling and loving

Yet.... I still dont feel like its the right choice... I still cant stop thinking about leaving... Why?? how?!?!

I'm being torn in two and idk what to do

My hands go numb

Yesterday Brian and I talked about kids...he said he cant think about having kids now but he doesnt want that door shut...

I told him idk if we will but i know if I did id be a great mom...

There's a part of me that does want to a kid to spoil on holidays and stuff...but I think the realty outways the fantasy...

Having a kid is so much money and is so hard to take care of... Idk if I want that stress....

Maybe hes right we cant picture it because of our envoirnment but im okay with not having kids...i asked him of we dont ever have kids will he be okay with that and he said yes...but its clear he still hold on to that dream...

I just feel like that train has passed for me if i were to have had kids it would have happened by now... And I'm happier imagining a life without that stress.. Probably because i just want a stress free life more than anything because iv been living in such a stressful environment...

I just want peace just for a moment at least... I want stability... I wnt things to stay the same because to much has changed for me and I dont feel like i can handle any more change...

I just feel life has been to hard and I want an easy life... Is that okay ?

I remeber my hands used to go numb right after i broke up with Duane and justin

I didn't know what it was back then but I think its a sub conscious panic attack

I just keep thinking I cant believe im thinking this.... Like I cant wrap my head around the fact that i want to be single...

After yesterday i should feel like things are falling into place... I put a fire under Brian's ass... His parents arnt going to bug us anymore....yet I still feel confused

All i want to do is go to sleep...

I do want to cuddle him and be with him...

Im so split it makes me sick....

I feel that I WANT to stay but NEED to leave... But do i really?

I think the reason it didnt feel right was A it was happening all so fast...B I didnt want him to hate himself and I didnt want him to blame his parents... I think he will a little bit but not as bad as if i had left yesterday... Id almost rather him be mad at me and no i dont want that but I think in the end im just going to have to hurt him there no way around it...

My hands are sweaty and going numb again... If this continues I know I have to listen to my body...

I just want to be sure this is a HUGE decision...

All day at work i cant help but think i missed my opportunity... But somethings still holding me back... It hurts ... I have so much anxity my hands wont stop tingling same with my nose... And hes so excited for tonight to have pizza and watch tv with me...

As we are watching the show my heart rate is pulsing... My axiety is racing... I should be happy and comfy...

[raviport]

Brain Breaks - Concept, Science And Benefits

Brain Breaks - Concept, Science And Benefits — PinkNBlu

As the name suggests, Brain breaks are the minute-duration of taking-off the mind from the current activity and giving a break to our brain.

During long hours of study or too much play, children become disoriented and lose interest. Handling these inquisitive minds might get overwhelming at times. That's when the Brain break concept comes into play. Brain breaks reset their energy & mental status, make them productive or just calm them down enough to listen to you.

Introduction To Brain Breaks

Our brain is a phenomenal creation. Did you know that various parts of our brain get stimulated by different actions that work as stimulants for that particular part of the brain?

While sleep renders the natural rest to the brain, it also needs power naps (breaks) during the hours that we are awake. These power naps or brain breaks rejuvenate and encourage the brain to perform to the best of its ability. 

The breaks/diversions are called Brain Breaks. 

How often have we adults experienced that non-stop working hours without a break seriously abbreviates the attention and output that our brain is capable of delivering? The children also need mental breaks while studying at school/home, preparing for examinations or competitions, completing homework, playing, sporting etc. The brain breaks enable them to reinstate their attention to their current tasks.

Science Behind Brain Breaks

Our brain works through neurotransmitters that communicate different signals from one cell to another as per the activity in a set route. So when the children over-do anything, the neurotransmitters get tired (Chemically). They respond slow, carry fewer/no signals and render the brain less-capable of grasping new information than it generally does. 

(1) During the Brain breaks, the neurotransmitter signals change the route, and send them to another part of the brain (the part stimulated by the brain break) than the one currently in use. 

(2) This tiny break in neural transmission helps to start afresh with the original activity.

(3) Brain breaks provide intermittent ease to the brain to adapt and secure the learning they have received while performing the original activity. 

(4) Hippocampus is the epicentre of the brain, a part dedicated to learning and memory. The Brain Break increases blood circulation and oxygen to the brain. Brain breaks stimulate cell growth and neural stimuli in Hippocampus, boosting its performance. 

The Brain breaks need not interrupt the flow of the learning schedule or any subject class. It requires a maximum of two to four minutes of short intelligent brain break to help the students refocus and recharge to continue with what they were doing.

Benefits of Brain Breaks

Brain breaks are highly essential to optimise the learning, playing and overall performance of children of all age groups. Strategically designed brain breaks help the children to reset, relax, regain focus on their current activities. 

(1) Brain breaks work great when the children are hyperactive, and you need something interesting to settle their bubbling energy coffers.

(2) They improve behaviour patterns and reception of instructions.

(3) Physical Brain Breaks help to keep a check on the sedentary lifestyle with additional mental health benefits.

(4) Increase efficiency and overall performance in all activities.

(5) Increases their learning capacity along with better retaining of already learned information.

(6) Reduces stress and frustration due to the monotony.

(7) Exercise breaks are good for health, cognitive development and educational success.

(8) Unplanned playtime or physical breaks give an opening to nudge the hidden creativity and imagination in children.

(9) Help to convert the incessable energy into something constructive and beneficial.

(10) Brain breaks help in axiety control and mood enhancement.

The concept of Brain Breaks has been incorporated by many teachers since the time when we (parents) were students. Remember how we all loved the teacher who gave intermittent breaks during the classes or did an exciting activity with us? We looked forward to those periods and listened with more concentration.

Therefore, with the inherent requirements of the competition, curriculum, and academic performance in current times, the inclusion of brain breaks has become more significant. 

There is no rule-book for brain break activities and how you can include them. It only needs observation and technique as per the activity, subject, time and classroom/home setup. 

Read our blog "Best and Easy Brain breaks Activities for Kids" for different ways to incorporate them into the student academic cycle.

It is our collective responsibility to help our little curious minds to discover their best potential. Brain breaks are one of the methods that will help in the said vision.

Check out our other blogs at PinkNBlu

[fanfictionlive]

Anxiety over a fanfiction?

Maybe it's just me but does anyone ever get anxious over publishing a fanfiction? Like, you could be exicted about publishing it but doubt comes running out from some far reaches of your mind and axiety starts to claw at you. Stuff like: - What if no one likes it? - What if they're dissatisfied? - What if the readers read my other works and are upset that I'm the writer?

I had a work I published anonymously some time ago and it had a good, steady growth, plenty of comments too. I read all the comments but didn't respond to keep my anonymity and they always made me smile. Today I decided to finally reply to the comments (even if the replies were late) and come out of my anonymity. At first it felt good because I had been dying to interact with my readers and now I could finally do it! But the thing is, two of my most frequent commenters didn't comment on today's chapter. I've seen ither posts on here where authors state their readers and commenters mean a lot to them and it's the same with me. So seeing my two most frequent commenters not say anything is a little bit jarring.

So I had a tiny panic attack and erased all my replies to their comments and tried to put the story as anonymous again but I don't have the option anymore so now I'm stressing over that. I don't want to reply to everyone all over again because I don't want there to be two notifications from me in their inbox but now that I've deleted my replies they'll have a notification from me but it'll lead to nothing and yeah. That's me ranting.

I could be over reacting/overthinking it too much though.

I just wanted to know if anyone else has this issue and maybe how you deal with it?

Thanks!

submitted by /u/idly_rolling_by [link] [comments] from FanFiction: Where Magical Ponies battle Imperial Titans https://ift.tt/3hkoDU5

[exobangtan22-blog]

No, Seriously.

It irritates me so much that people turn a blind eye to B.A.P. And no, this isn’t just because I find them cute or hot or anything like that.

B.A.P is seriously the most different kpop group​ out there. I can say that with confidence. Absolute confidence.

Other groups out there produce the most trending music. They create hard dances. Show off their bodies and aegyo to get fans. At the end of the day, all of that fades. Bodies fade. Music trends die. Doing cute stuff when your thirty loses it’s appeal. 

It’s all be done before. A cycle of unoriginality mixed in with what’s the most popular thing right now creates​ stardom. It ceates​ main stream groups and the same old songs just with different keys and different vocals.

Here’s where I make my point.

B.A.P, the six men that make up the band. It isn’t all about smiling. It isn’t about putting off the picture perfect boy group, where everything is cookie cutter with them. No, it isn’t.

B.A.P has been through things most people never do in their lives. Contracts that pay them less money than minimum wage. Being forced to work when sick and having other issues. Eating disorders. Suicidal thoughts. Alcoholism. Lawsuits that make them lose a huge amount of their fanbases. They’ve been through struggles I hope no one else has to go through, sincerely.

I was just minding my business today, but a song popped up in my head. Their song ‘Wake Me Up’. I listened to it, and unconciously clicked on ‘1004’. I watched their old episodes of Weekly Idol, and voyaged further back into their history. Watching their performances and their interactions.

In the end it left me thinking: Do people not see what the lawsuit did to them? Do they not see how strong they are? How they decided to put out harder songs about real issues in the world rather than gain back popularity with another generic pop song?

They don’t have to dance hard to get your attention. They don’t have to be the best rappers or vocalists to get noticed. If you’re open to deeper concepts than just a school love or sadness over a girl, B.A.P is perfect.

And that’s what makes them unique to me. They chose being real and sticking to themselves when they came back from their hiatus. They chose to give out real concepts with their songs. Have you seen the ‘Wake Me Up’ music video? The diversity? The emotion? How the members struggled throughout it?

What about the choreography? Where the leader walks through two other members. Where he takes back the leader position and leads the boys. It makes everything so much more intense, and my heart aches for him. For his axiety and panic disorders. I respect him so much for coming back. I respect all the boys.

Sure, you could go against me and say, “What about 'Feel So Good’? That song was just upbeat and smiley. They’re fake too.”

They have never been fake. They have never acted like a perfect group. They’re so much more than that. Yes, they put out a smiley song about happiness. But really, how often do they do that concept? How many of their comebacks were about dark situations and deeper stuff?

“But my oppas are special too!”. Yeah, they are. But, just hear me out, what’s their latest comeback about? It it about a girl? Is it EDM? Pop? Maybe they lift their shirts. Maybe they do some wild hip thrusts. Hell, they might even lick their lips and tease.

Is that wrong groups are like that? No. Each group has the right to want to be popular, and find the best way to do it. The only reason I stress this is because it shows how different B.A.P is.

I’m happy your oppas are singing about their first loves and heartbreak when they aren’t even legal yet. I’m happy they’re doing that. Genuinely. It’s popular, and spreads K-pop around the world more. 

Most people start off with the most popular groups before moving to others. So yes, let them sing their heart out. Let them dance in tight pants and shirts that are a little too unbuttoned because that’s what’s popular. And that’s what spreads. Has B.A.P partaken in these actions? Hell yeah. But they don’t make their career about it. Look at all their comeback songs. 'Badman’, 'Warrior’, 'No Mercy’, 'One Shot’, etc. Tell me now, are they generic?

Long story short, before I make a book out of this, B.A.P deserves so much more. 

They might never be the trendy group they were before the lawsuit, but they’ll probably always be the realest group out there. Pumping out songs that challenge society. More than many other groups out there can say.

Go stan them and stan them hard. They deserve it so much. You will never regret it.

Sincerely,

A big ol’ BABY (fandom name of course)

[sammi714-blog1]

Depression,anxiety,introvert

My mom wants me to be a honor roll student again. Thats not gonna happen. Because homework is a big grade and i cant do that. Why? Because im an introvert. Ontop of that im depressed. Ive also had axiety for over a year. I get anxious and depressed waking up. Remembering i have school exhausts me. I dread getting ready. I dread getting out of bed. I dread acting like im a social person. Ive acted sick to get out of school before. Why? Because i got so depressed and anxious knowing i was gonna have to interact with people i couldnt physically and mentally make myself go. My mom yells at me for asking to stay home. Because she cares. She wants me to get good grades. Get into a good highschool. Get a good job. But i cant even do my homework. She thinks im lazy. Because i get home and go on my phone. My phone relaxes me. I dont have to socialize with people if i dont want to on my phone. I can watch YouTube videos that make me forget. That im depressed, anxious, and an introvert. But im sorry mom. I cant do my homework. So i cant get good grades. Im not lazy i promise. Im just depressed. Anxious. Introverted. All three of those make me exhausted. It takes alot out of me. To go to school. Answer questions. Argue points i strongly believe in. I have a voice. Im just scared to use it. When i do use it. I get so anxious i regret anything i just said at that moment. Even if im right. My teacher. They do this thing. Theyll tell you this one point. And try and get you to agree with them. Even when they know theyre wrong. Because they want you to be able. Be able to do things that im afraid to do. Argue. Defend what i think. Have an opposing view point. But my teacher wont know. They wont know how much stress that brings me. To the teachers. That make their students read out loud. Stop! Its not fun. To panic if youre gonna get picked. If you mess up on a word. If you accidentally drift off. It fills students with so much anxiety. That its exhausting. Parents. If your kid tells you. That they have. Any type of mental illness. It being. Depression. Anxiety. Adhd. Or even them thinking. That they have an eating disorder. Drop everything. Focus on your child first. Because they could be going through alot. They’re gonna need you. To make appointments. Be there. Let them spill everything out. But dont DO NOT judge them. Dont yell at them. Dont Add negative comments. They’re working up the courage. To tell you this. Dont swat away. Their mental illnesses. Their drama. The issues bothering them. Them wonder. Worrying. That they might have an eating disorder. That you dont love them. They their friends hate them. That their partner doesn’t love them. Anyone that has a mental illness. Like anxiety. Or them just being an introvert. Might just need to be reminded. That their loved. That you care. That youre there. That theyre not alone. That liking being alone is okay. That being lonely isnt. That being not okay sometimes is normal. That being not okay all the time isnt. That its okay to see a professional. That theres help out there. That things do get better. That the end is far from now. That theyll live a long life. That theyll live to see a comet at 100. That disorders dont last forever. That its okay to be an introvert. That its not okay for the introvert in you to control you 100% of the time. That they can order that pizza. They can pay for something. Its okay to have different opinions. That they need to speak out if they disagree. That being wrong is okay. That offending people sometimes is fine. That whatever job they pick. Youll stand by them. Let them cut their hair if they want to. Let them wear what they want. Because your job as a. Parent. Friend. Teacher. Is not to shame them. For things that are fine. But to teach them. What fine and what’s not. That different is okay. Your job is to also. Look after them. Maybe even. Hear what they have to say. Their points on a subject. And oppose the subject for them. If they cant do it themselves.

Anxiety, depression, ect. Dont last forever. You can get past it. The exhaustion from. Depression. Anxiety. Being an introvert. Ect. Will fade. You wont be exhausted one day. But you gotta fight for it. And the hardest thing to fight is. Something thats a part of you. Depression. Anxiety. Being an introvert. Will always be with you but. It all depends how you take care of it. Or if you let it take care of you.

If you read til the end thank you im sorry this is such a long post i just needed to get some stuff off my chest.

[doubtthestarsarefire]

Love me ?

I was tagged by the lovely @alyssiamking

Tag  @lovingandawkward 

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Emma Watson (first one that came to mind)

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

I would want to be looked up for my work and recognized for it, thankfully it’s not something that would get you stopped on the street or something cause i hate being the center of attention.

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

Depends on the call. If it’s something important for a teacher or the university or something then yes.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

No anxiety about things that may or may not happen, doing the work i like and having time to hang out with friends or do an hobby.

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

Just sang “You give me something” earlier in the car cause it was playing and i love the song, then kept repeating it softly ahah

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

I’d say the mind, just cause both my grandparents have Alzheimer so i know it’s super terrible not to remember who you are.

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

Argh no, i hate to think about death it just gives me a lot of anxiety so. Just hopefully it won’t be a prolonged illness.

8. Name three things you and your partner must to have in common.

Sarcastic humor, love to have different experiences but at the same time understanding the need for quiet relaxing time.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

My parents, mostly my mom.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

My father be less pushy and filled with anxiety that eventually rubbed off on me.

11. Take four lines tell  your life story in as much detail as possible.

I had a normal happy childhood, my parents were always caring and loving so was a major part of my family, always regarded as the “star child” from out family and friends. 2 years ago i went on Erasmus to England, best time of my life, just want to work on something i enjoy, find love and be happy with myself.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

stop stressing about everything, controlling my thoughts an axiety.

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I would want to know how to control my thoughs and worries, and what tecnique works best for me when i’m having a crisis. Also how can i let go and love.

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

I’ve dreamed of going abroad to work. I’m going to do it now that i’ve finished my masters.

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Finishing my master’s without faling any course and having an 18 on my masters’s thesis and work.

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

Honesty, the ability to care about someone, loyalty. 

17. What is your most treasured memory?

me and my friends at primary school reenacting harry potter and the philosopher’s stone. We had scripts and everything a girl was the only one with the tape so she wrote down the lines. I was Harry and my best friend was Ron. I just remember sitting on the stone wall pretending it was the Hogwarts train and eating gummy beans of course they were supposed to be Bertie botts every flavor beans.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

Finding my mom collapse on the kitchen floor after she had a mini stroke.

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I would try not to hold back so much and life as if no one was watching.

20. What does friendship mean to you?

It means loving and caring for someone, no matter the distance between you, knowing that they can count on you for anything, but at the same time absolutely knowing you can count on them as well, that if you need they’ll be there for you.

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Very important.

22.  share something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

I don’t have a partner.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

My childhood was very happy, we are very close, though we have a lot of “family” that is not actually blood family but we consider them more than some of my aunts/uncles and cousins.

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

She’s my world.  

Set III

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

My love.

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I have anxiety, sometimes i will stress too much about things, and i know that they are not rational or logical but i can’t help it. Also i tend to cry when i am stressed or angry, that does not mean i am too emotional, it’s just the way my body reacts.

28. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

5th - 9th grade was pretty embarashing cause i was chubby and the guys in my class made fun of me and called me names.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

I teared up while my godmother made the speech on my graduation dinner 3 weeks ago. By myself... probably one week before that i cried non-stop for a week because of master thesis stress.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Rape, abuse, war.

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

I may regret not doing certain things but i usually am pretty honest about everything.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

dam it.... argh i hate this question so much. my laptop probably, cause it had all my photos of the family trips, erasmus year, my friends, my family.

36. Share a personal problem

I don’t have a lot of experience to write down on my curriculum so i’m freaking out a bit

[siodymph]

So I just saw this post about Wendy that @danvssomethingorother added a bunch of tags that really resonated with. About how Wendy has canon axiety and stresses out but no one ever talks about it or shows her any attention. 

And also being guilty of sometimes hyper-focusing on the Stan twins instead, I started brainstorming prompts to write and draw for Wendy. I really want to do some of these doubt I can do them all at the moment. If you see one and get inspired by all means! Wendy needs more love! Here’s some ideas I've come up with so far:

- Wendy looking up junk about handling anxiety and decided to try implementing mental-health days through out the school year to help her chill and not get overwhelmed with classes and asshats at her school and her family.

- Wendy hanging out in a tree and enjoying being single.

- Wendy hanging out with her friends and taking Candy, Grenada under their wing and all going and having a fun day. Pacifica showing up possibly too.

- Wendy hanging out with Stan and Soos on a really dull day.

- Wendy hanging out with a recovered Fiddleford and asking about handling anxiety. At first he keeps make self-diminishing jokes saying why would she want advice from an old loon whose solution was either to wipe his mind or make death robots but the two talk a bit more and actually have a meaningful conversation.

- Wendy decides that she might like jumping back in the dating pool but she has no idea who to talk to. Rick and his family end up at the shack for the week to see Stan and Ford and Wendy ends up meeting and getting a crush on Summer. They at least become friends though and exchange numbers if nothing else.

- While in the woods Wendy happens upon a young unicorn who surprisingly isn't an asshat. She'd had left the unicorn vale-thing to go explore the woods more but ended up lost. Wendy offers to be her guide home and the two actually have a nice time. When the unicorn get home celestabellum is a huge bitch and an ass to her and Wendy and Wendy's about to pop her across her dumb unicorn face again. After that the two try and hang out whenever Wendy has a break from school and work at the shack.

And those are just a few I bet I could keep going!

[indn241]

Researching mental health and anxiety (in general and in New Zealand)

Modern day anxiety.

Here i have just paraphrased some of the most important points about anxiety in the modern world from a few different resources.

Triggers-

the digital world==

social media.   people comparing themselves on social media, especially with their physical appearance, lifestyle and friends. We are constantly exposed to unrealistic beauty standards. People experience a fear of missing out and constantly seeing the highlights of other people’s life create unrealistic standards of happiness or exitingness, which can make people feel as though their lives are inadequate compared to those always traveling or bragging about their engagement ring etc

online communication.  misinterpretations of messages can lead to a lot  of stress and anxiety about what the other person is meaning or trying to say. the social clues that usually help us understand this when we speak with someone in person are taken away and we can often react to something based on a misinterpretation to someone text, email or even use of emoticons etc We can often jump to the worst case scenario

reference for above info -- https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwi-qomb-frpAhUA73MBHZFfD8QQFjACegQIAhAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.talkspace.com%2Fblog%2Fmodern-life-causes-anxiety-what-to-do-about-it%2F&usg=AOvVaw3HWUN7Y6fF807BskwOajGt

its not that anxiety did not previously exist, but the triggers have certainly changed. We still experience the same anxieties over poor health lonlines,s work stress, trauma, violence, poverty, family issues. even in the modern world, some of these anxieties have been on the rise where the possibilities of divorce are normalized, childhood abuse or neglect, increased working hours, general lack of control over our own destinies - especially among young people.

Some of the more traditional causes of anxieties have declines such as poverty, poor health and to some extent, unemployment. But new anxieties have been creeping in.

modern technology- perpetual connectivity has provided new source o anxiety, For this stems the need to be connected 25/7, the need to multitask, increasingly emotional news alerts and unfortunate events, loneliness, Social media use is associates with social anxiety, loneliness and can generate feelings of disconnectedness

“we are told anxiety is a legitimate response to the stressed of modern day livinng, and anxiety is almost considered a status symbol that signals how busy and saccessful we are”

on the other hand, we are told anxiety is an issue in need of treatment, and hte pramaceutical industry has rushed to medicalize anxiety and sell a solution for it

So, yes, we do have a modern anxiety epidemic, but then so have most previous generations. The difference is that in our modern era we have a whole set of new and evolving anxieties and a growing awareness of anxiety as a potentially distressing and disabling state

https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/why-we-worry/201811/is-there-anxiety-epidemic

the modern world is very wonderful in many ways that we have such advanced medicine (which keeps advancing), transport works well, we can easily keep in touch with people - however is it causing ahigh backhround level of anxiety and widespead low-level depression

causes-

meritocracy- our society tells us that everyone is free to ‘make it’ if they have the talent and energy. Anyone can be sucessful. However, the downside to this beautufl idea is that any percieved lack of success is taken to be a sign of lack of talent or laziness, whereas in the past, may have been percieved by an accident of misfortune. The idea that if those as the top deserve all of their success, then those at the bottom surely deserve their failure. A society that thinks of itself as meritocratic turns povery from a problem to evidence of damnation and those who have failed from unfortunates to losers. Here the ideas of LUCK (which says sucess doesnt depend on talent and effort) and TRADGEDY (meaning good,decent people can fail and deserve compassion)

romanticism - the philosophy of romanticism tells us that that every one of us has a soul mate that can make us completely happy. This sets unrealistic expectations for us when in reality, every relationship comes with a set of problems and will make us feel as though the reality is a disaster compared to our original hopes

media - media is a huge part of our lives that has a lot of prestige, but it actually often draws our attention to things that scare, worry, panic, or enrage us while denying us agency or chance for effective personal action. It typically shows us the least admirable sides of human nature without balancing exposure to normal good intentions,

perfection -

modern society makes us believe that it is very possible for us to be profoundl content, sane and accomplished. As a result we end up loathing ourselves, feeling week, and sensing we’ve wasted our lives. https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/how-the-modern-world-makes-us-mentally-ill/

statistics

approximately 1 in 4 New Zealanders will be affesct by an anxiety disorder at some stage in their lives. At any one time, 15% of the population will be affected. An anxiety disores is when axiety is so string it interfers with ability to carry out day to day life and are thought to be very common.

https://www.healthnavigator.org.nz/health-a-z/a/anxiety/

The 2017/18 New Zealand Health Survey found that: One in six New Zealand adults had been diagnosed with a common mental disorder at some time in their lives. This includes depression, bipolar disorders and anxiety disorders. Nearly 9 percent of adults had experienced psychological distress in the past four weeks.

https://www.cph.co.nz/your-health/mental-illness/

[atomicwombatland-blog]

We are always going through periods of thinking we know everything to then being stripped bare to realize how little we know. Although the process has been going on since birth, some are so small and some are so buried deep in our brains that we don’t quite remember them. But there is always one period that marks the beginning of our awakening.

Unconscious to conscious

For the beginning part of our lives, we act in a certain way that we look back on and many times cringe at things that we said or did. This self had yet to be exposed to the revelations that were to come, and was basically purely a self built up by the forces around you, a product of your environment. At some point during adolescence, there is a major wake up period that exposes you to many realities. My wake up happened beginning in eleventh grade.

I was always a very social kid, and would try to be a part of as many friend groups as possible. I felt the need to talk to everyone, and have everyone like me. As soon as I was able to determine which groups of people had more social capital, I used this as my superficial guide of who I wanted to befriend (which would later set me up for complete failure). I tried to do things that were cool like sneak out of my house, try drugs and alcohol, hang with cool people etc. etc. I was guided by a pure external sense of reality, with no regard for my actual feelings about any of this.

It all worked for a while, but I neglected my true self for too long, and eventually it bit me from behind.

When rebuilding yourself it is important to acknowledge every step and part of yourself, or else you have once again built on superficial ground, which always ends up collapsing.

Insecurity

In eleventh grade, after finishing a series of unhealthy relationships (how could I have possibly expected them to be healthy if I was a superficial twat?), getting my braces off and getting my license (which were important because they were both events that I had been looking forward to, incorrectly thinking that they would have an impact on my overall happiness), I began realize how disconnected I was from myself: I had no consistent hobbies or free time activities that truly interested me, I had neglected friends that I truly cared for over perceived social status, I was drinking and doing drugs fairly often for recreation and when I was alone, and most of all I was sad and lost.

This period led to major changes in my life. I began to spend more time with a consistent group of friends that meant the most to me and who were my true friends. I began to see a therapist for my anxiety and depression. I spent more time focused on school and what I was interested in.

Everything happened very fast, but also very slow. There are no answers hanging in front of you and everything is pretty much figure out as you go. Similar to the elimination diet, you slowly take away foods that are hurting your system, and slowly add foods that help your system. This process isn’t perfect, and you will frequently make a mistake that sets you back a few days, but you ultimately have to make a decision to not repeat that mistake and keep moving forward.

RIDING THE FAKE WAVE – finding security

Over time my life was slowly improving, and I started to make decisions that resonated with who I was as a person. I am integrous, and I care for people, and I care about my health and others health, and I care about making good decisions for the sake of making good decisions. Although, as meek mills says, there are levels to this shit. Although I was realizing a basic level of my authenticity, there are still layers that need to be peeled back.

This layer involved me making moral and trustworthy decisions, which was important for me. To not even do something once that I wouldn’t be proud to show someone else. To show outwardly that I care for my future.

I did a great job with this and this has become a huge part of my personality (woo! Small wins!)

Inadvertently, through this process I also developed a lot of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of myself and what I am capable of without monitoring. Fear of my own feelings and those periods of sadness and loneliness that can be debilitating. And when you’re scared of these things it makes sense to try to reduce the fear by chasing after security, and that’s exactly what I did. For the last year in high school since I accepted a spot at UF, up until my junior year, I knew I was going to major in finance, and I became obsessed with doing the best that I could. I became obsessed with the idea of making tons of money, using money as my cure that validates and feelings of fear, and to generally make me feel good about myself.

I was hyper focused on this idea of making a lot of money, and so I spent all my time working towards (but also stressing and worrying) about this path. I took the GMAT exam and scored great which made me look good. I had a high GPA, got into the masters program I had been working towards. I tried to make myself feel good about these things, even though my social life was unfulfilling and I wasn’t exploring at all. In fact, the finance career was the one thing that I was holding onto that had some resemblance of security in my life, and this wasn’t part of the present it was part of the future. I felt like I wasn’t making any friends, I wanst happy with what I was doing or studying and was hitting a period of heavy depression, I felt super insecure with myself as a person and my personality, and I once again spent little time doing anything that I actually enjoyed ,When I finally made the decision that the one thing in my life that I was succeeding at wasn’t something that I even wanted, I was broken. The mask had fallen.

THE DROP

When this finally dropped, I could see my real self hiding in the shadow. The real me was scared and totally neglected, and had been for a long, long time.

I had insecurities that had been building up for years because I never ventured to actually explore myself, whatever that looked like. I was too scared to reveal certain parts of myself and so I continually tried to bury them deep. And my self esteem was totally and utterly shot.

I had fallen and broken, and had no idea what I looked like. In my scramble, I needed a change of scenery, something to distract myself from sinking too deep while all this was happening. And so of course I went to Europe.

I had so much backlogged shit that I needed to take care of in my mind, so much that I needed to let go of, and so much that I needed to accept of my current situation, that it took me a long while. This was not one of those “wake up one morning with a realization and everything changed after that” kind of situation. It was something that took years.

Things that I had to work on: accepting parts of my sexuality, accepting my interests outside of business and finance and what that could mean for my journey going forward, accept that I had strong bouts of anxiety and depression still even though I thought they wore off, let go of any clinging to comparing myself to others, and most of all accept my personality and my opinions and overall myself. Accept my low self esteem and decide to work on it instead of just watching it.

In this period, I still tried hard to hold on to what I knew. I still did an internship in finance because it made me feel good about myself and helped recover some of my self esteem. I still majored in economics because it was the easy route for me and allowed me to graduate with ease. And these all helped as I weaved myself back together. Yes it worried me and gave me an axiety that I wasn’t making a cohesive “story”, but fuck everyone else, it was working for me.

But I did make some major leaps. I traveled and made friends across the world and always pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I came to terms with my sexuality. I did a job after college that was totally in line with an authentic interest of mine. I passed up jobs after college that were safer in order to show myself the commitment I have towards my own authenticity and power. I worked hard to mend relationships with my brother and my parents. I still keep in touch with a close web of friends that I have made across borders. I actively work to explore my interest in different fields and see where I can be.

I am currently finding ways that I can be the most authentic to my self. And I need to be able to do this.

Hopefully I can keep moving forward and realize whatever is the next step on the journey of personal growth, and understand whatever wave that I am coming to now.

LESSONS

1.    You need to let what go of expectations and preconceived notions of the future and let what needs to happen, happen. A radical acceptance of what is going on around you. If I cling to this idea of what I think I want, I will close off any other opportunities that want to come my way.

2.    The fall with anything is necessary, and ultimately will happen whether you want it to or not. If there is anything inside of you that is being repressed or pushed down, consciously or unconsciously, it will eventually come to the surface. The longer that you resist, the harder you will fall.

3.    You and only you can make the solid ground upon which you need to stand. This solid ground consists of your self worth and esteem, understanding your self and your opinions and interests, and generally spending quality time with yourself. With every single little thing you are feeling. Constantly letting them flow through you, and not clinging to or resisting any feelings.

[kathleenlaurenp-blog]

seven questions: answered ⎟BLOG ENTRY #1

1. just like most people, my goal for this term of course, is to get an A. but in this process, i really want to learn more about art, especially about art in the Philippines. 

2. to achieve these goals, i will be diligent, responsible, and active in the class. it’s nice to be able to have a breather from all the math and science that happens in the classroom. 

3. the subject itself is very entertaining and different, and with that i believe i truly will learn a lot and will have the motivation to get a good grade

4. since the subject is skill based, i expect it to be forgiving to those who are not artistically gifted (like me)

5. the most useful thing in this subject is that the plates we do can be an outlet from all the stress and axiety that happens in our lives

6. as previously mentioned, i am not artistically gifted, and making plates that look nice will be a challenge for me

7. like always, through trying my best and working (and praying) hard