#all these fictional old gay men have me all emotional

[larphis]

Continued listening to WTNV to distract myself and I gotta say I always knew that I was emotionally fragile but I didn‘t know that I was „almost cried over a fictional gay wedding in a podcast"-emotionally fragile.

[aceing-on-the-cake]

Compulsory Heterosexuality Info Dump

So because a friend of mine didn't know what comp het was and their internet history is monitored by their parents so they can't just use google, I'm doing a very quick research dive and giving you guys the results in case there are others out there who are in the same situation. I'll also be tagging blogs bigger than me because again, there might be fellow queers out their who are in the same boat as my friend and I want them to have access to this information.

So what is compulsory heterosexuality (or comp het)?

Comp het is in essence the societal belief and enforcement of being straight.

What does this mean?

In basic form it means that the only options presented to everyone, from the moment of birth, is that of a cis, amatonormative, heterosexual lifestyle.

You are given two gender options, these gender options determine the two roles you're allowed to fulfill, husband and wife, and you are told that these two roles are what will make you happy and are what you are supposed to strive for.

Meaning society, if you are born AFAB, tells you you're going to one day get married, it's going to be a boy, and this is what will make you happy. Almost everything in life is then seen through this lens. How attractive your are, how you are supposed to talk, how you're supposed to behave, etc is all considered through the lens of if a man will be attracted to you.

On the flip side, if you are born AMAB society tells you there are roles you have to fulfill as well. You are told you will one day want a wife, that you have to be able to have a job to provide for her, that you have to behave in a certain emotional way to be strong for her, that if the things you like are too feminine well then you're gay or a girl which is a problem because at the end of the day you're supposed to want the girl-fiance-wife.

This literally just sounds like the patriarchy.

Yes, it does, because it's caused by it. Nowadays people commonly know about compulsory heterosexuality from the Lesbian Masterdoc, but the term actually originated by Adrienne Rich in 1980.

Adrienne Rich in her article Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence put forward three ideas, 1) that heterosexuality and lesbianism were institutions themselves/possible political ideologies, 2) that heterosexuality as a system if not constantly maintained and upheld would eventually crumble and 3) that heterosexuality as a system could be opted out of and actively fought against whether or not you were actually attracted to women/non-women.

This is very different from the way we currently think of and define those terms, I am aware of that, but her point does still stand to some degrees that comp het, cisnormativity and amatonormativity all crumble when we stop rigidly enforcing the structures that uphold them, i.e., the patriarchy, misogyny, classism, and racism.

Ok but like what does that actually look like?

It can look like a lot of things, for a lot of different people. In the Lesbian Masterdoc you see comp het presented from a straightforward lesbian lens (of a 19 year old figuring out and defining their own sexuality guys, I'm not gonna sit here and critique it and rip it to death, go do that somewhere else).

This is therefore presented through things like women/non-women who were raised/socialized as women possibly having crushes on men, but they're always unattainable in some way (celebrities, fictional, someone real but they wouldn't actually ever be able to truly be in a relationship with, etc). It might also show up for lesbians as liking the idea of a man but being uncomfortable when one actually wants to move forward in the process. Or even sometimes it might show up as sexual fantasies with men but they're faceless, they're more an idea, or you're actually viewing another woman sleeping with him.

This presentation of comp het has made a lot of bi/pan/mspec people uncomfortable because they feel they too have experiencing comp het and when reading the Lesbian Masterdoc it's presented as if experiencing this is a straight shot towards being a lesbian.

And they're right that comp het isn't experienced by just lesbians. For mspecs who present feminine/as women this could be in the feeling that they have to dress a certain way to be presentable, but presentable is based on appealing to men. This can mean something as simple as women are expected to wear makeup, always, regardless of if they're looking to seek men's attention or not, because that's the base standard.

For mspecs who present masculine this can look like the inability to express themselves in an overly emotional manner because that doesn't make them "strong" and if they're not "strong" then they won't attract women, and that's what they're supposed to be doing.

For mspecs in general that can look like their queer looking relationships to be seen as a phase even if their mspec-ness is respected because of course they're eventually going to get married to a man/woman.

This can affect polyamorous cishet people in that they're seen as doing heterosexuality wrong because you're supposed to have the one partner and the 2.5 kids.

This can affect aspecs because they're told they'll never truly feel fulfilled if they don't have that boyfriend/girlfriend/partner to love them in a way that's so special nothing else could match up.

This affects all of us guys is my point.

How is this helpful to me?

Well for sapphics and lesbians (or sapphics/mspecs confused on if they are actually lesbians) this can be a helpful concept to consider because it can help you determine what relationships you truly want to pursue, which is the main point I feel is to be gained from the Lesbian Masterdoc. As she's put it "it's way more important to ask yourself if you can be truthfully happy with a man than if you’re attracted to them"

So if you're a sapphic who experiences attraction to men but you honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider the idea of comp het.

If you're Achillean the opposite of this can be true, if you've been attracted to women before but honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider whether comp het is working on you.

For mspecs this can be a helpful term to throw over the table back at your parents when they ask when you're going to get a "real relationship".

This can be a helpful term to consider when asking "am I forcing myself to wear mascara because I feel this is the only way I look presentable or do I actually like mascara."

Or it can be a helpful concept to look back on when undermining our internalized ideals of misogyny, towards ourselves and others.

This is a helpful term to put in our tool boxes to talk about the harm the systems of patriarchy, classism, and racism impose upon us.

Comp het can help us to understand why so many people look down on polyamory as a legitimate way of life.

It can be a helpful term for aspecs who are trying to figure out if they really want to date/have sex, or if they just believe these are the only things that will make you happy.

In general

Compulsory heterosexuality is just another term to describe a system we are all intimately familiar with. But by giving us the words to describe our experiences, it gives us the power to communicate those experiences more effectively, and to possibly understand why we're experiencing them.

This is just a bare basic knowledge post.

Honestly if you have the ability to, as in your internet history is not monitored in the way my friend's is, I encourage you to go on the deep dive through the sources listed below. Many of them are honestly only 30 pages long, that's a relatively short read, and understanding queer theory like this not only helps you to understand your own identity, but the ways in which you are connected to the rest of the fellow queer community.

Sources

Lesbian Masterdoc

Queer Theory 101: Compulsory Heterosexuality

Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence

Normativities Defined

Taglist

I'm tagging blogs bigger than me so that this has an easier time getting passed around as I mainly talk about aspec issues because I am aspec, but as stated above, I wanted to make sure that queer people who's internet histories are monitored and are only able to find information through tumblr safely could do so.

@our-queer-experience @our-sapphic-experience @our-lesbian-experience @our-aspec-experience @our-polyamorous-experience @our-pansexual-experience @our-unlabelled-experience @our-aroace-experience @our-mspec-experience @our-questioning-experience @our-bisexual-experience

[nekropsii]

Hi! I've recently gotten into homestuck and I've read quite a bit of it, as well as other people's blogs analyzing and criticizing the media. I've heard a Lot about Dave's arc being centered around internal homophobia and toxic masculinity, so it surprised me to hear taht you disagreed! I was wondering why you think that, and what are your thoughts on what his arc actually is? I know you don't like writing about the alpha/beta kids, so feel free to ignore this ask completely if you want. Thank you, I hope you have a great day!

Hello, Anon! I'm glad you've been having fun with Homestuck lately!! Despite its many flaws, it is a deeply compelling piece of fiction, and I'm always glad to see new eyes on it and new voices being added to the analytical sphere. To answer your question...

Personally, I have never seen what people are talking about with regards to Dave's whole character arc surrounding overcoming Internalized Homophobia and Toxic Masculinity. These are fundamentally not what his arc is about, and this is never what his arc has ever been about. I'd honestly never seen that analytical lens until after DaveKat rose into prominence (mostly due to Post-Canon's heavy featuring of the pairing), and I feel as if these things are related. It is easier to make easy-to-stomach, shippy angst out of addressing your own personal shortcomings than what Dave's arc is actually about. No shade intended. This is because...

Dave's character arc is, and always has been, about Recovering from Childhood Abuse.

This is the conflict we are made aware of in his introduction, and it's a theme that persists all throughout the story. We meet Dave as a 13 year old boy suffering some pretty extreme abuse at the hands of Bro- Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, and Sexually. Dave's home life is such an active threat that he struggles to even admit to himself that it is abuse in the first place- that's an admission that takes a level of vulnerability that he just could not afford, and it's something he's only left to truly unpack during the Meteor Arc.

I have a couple major problems with the "Toxic Masculinity and Internalized Homophobia" takes. Firstly, Toxic Masculinity is not inherent to any expression of Masculinity. The only Toxically Masculine trait we see that's applicable to Dave is that he struggles deeply with vulnerability and sincerity in his emotions. However... These don't really have anything to do with what his views on what a man is or should be. They have everything to do with the fact that he was abused by someone who punishes any display of weakness, because Bro excused his abuse with it being "Training". Secondly... Dave is Bisexual. Even if the process of Dave struggling to accept being attracted to men was a major point in the story, it would not be called Internalized Homophobia. It would be called Internalized Biphobia, because Dave is canonically Bisexual, not Gay. We have seen Dave be attracted to more women than men, and attraction to both genders was present simultaneously. It was not Compulsory Heterosexuality. If it was, it'd be actually written into the story. Bisexual people exist. This is not a Homophobic argument to make; I am literally a Gay man.

It's anthropologically fascinating how this take arose... Basically out of nowhere from my perspective, especially considering how all of Dave's most iconic dramatic lines have something to do with him having to sort through his own abuse. Does no one remember the rooftop scene between Dave and Dirk, where Dave starts telling Dirk all about the horrible way that Bro raised him, and how deeply it affected him?

If not, I'm posting the most striking part of it here.

[Homestuck, page 7749.]

... So, yeah, no. Dave's character arc is not about "Overcoming Toxic Masculinity and Internalized Homophobia". It's about Abuse. Dave is an Abuse Victim. Point blank period. Any trait even loosely attributable to the ideas of Toxic Masculinity and Internalized Homophobia are a consequence of how he was raised, and how he was abused. This does not mean that this is what his character arc is about. That just means that's included within his character arc. It's a way to show growth, not a way to define his arc in its entirety. That is legitimately not how character writing works. To claim such would be to express a remarkable amount of Tunnel Vision.

Inclusion does not equate to Totality. There is a bigger picture, and that bigger picture is Abuse Recovery.

[kunosoura]

top 5 ships

I'm not a huge nerd for like sailing/space flight/etc so when we're talking ships the ones I like the most are more for what they Represent. So in no particular order:

The S.S. Stormborn from Naddpod, I just love the story beat of an orphan learning about his parents and taking up his father's place on the helm of his old ship

The Bebop (and every scifi ship that's like "this is a piece of shit like fishing/shipping/industrial ship converted for use as both a home and a workhorse for a group of grey market mercenaries trying to eke out a living in the stars)

Arsenal Gear from MGS2. There's something about that completely impractical and overblown sort of scifi maximalism prompting people to make impractically huge floating fortresses that I simply adore.

In what is I guess the complete opposite of the last example, The Lookfar from Earthsea. One boat that can comfortably fit maybe two people and the endless potential of the seas stretching in every direction.

That one flying ship from pokemon the movie 2000 no thematic notes here I just thought it was sick as fuck as a kid

You're probably actually asking about my favorite fictional relationships (canon or theoretical), I don't do fandom type shipping stuff that much but here's what I got for you. Maybe not top five, no particular order, but I think about these a lot.

Madohomu. You might have seen this coming. Girl with something wrong with her x girl with something wrong with her. Aloof facade hiding mountains of pain x emotions worn on the sleeve in the face of incomprehensible horror. Incompatible self sacrifice complexes. No possible happy ending.

Narusasu. You probably also saw this one coming. It's a perfect tragedy. Naruto really was the only person who understood Sasuke's pain, and he used that influence to win him back to subservience to liberalism and away from in any meaningful way changing the system that had forced them both to endure isolation and nightmares as children. Then they fucked off to the least happy heterosexual marriages in the world. Sublime.

Franklin and Charlie from Merrily We Roll Along. You know that old saying about how some men ruin the lives of every woman they love because their soulmate is a man? Franklin Shepard is the gay Sondheim character, NOT Bobby (who I will go to my grave saying is and has always been intended as a straight man). He got caught in a raid on a Greenwich village and had to get counseling in the 60s ffs like that's like textual!!! When his first wife is brought up he's a little bitter in the easy ough bitch ex wife taking all my money way but apparently bringing Charlie up after their alienation is a surefire way to get him in a horrible mood. The story is to me all but textually about a man driving himself further and further into the closet so he can succeed in Hollywood.

aw man you guys can't make fun of me for this one you have to promise but I still find monica/chandler cute. Like yeah largely nowadays I consider friends to be an extremely dated show that is all but unwatchable because of how much it relies on a style of tv storytelling that has all but died out and how it stretched the few decent things it had over way too many seasons and also its shitty politics. But I still like the monica/chandler relationship. It's cute and they're sweet.

I don't know if I'd say this is an all timer for me but lately I've been really sort of savoring the dynamic between Ssrin and Anna from Exordia. There's so much sensuality between them whenever they're on the page together. Really saves that book from the endless mire of drama between those two gay ass cops.

[nova-lightz]

Uh-oh! Opinion incoming!

I dunno what the fuck is up with some bl drama fans, but sex and romantic gestures are NOT required in order for all serious relationships to be successful irl, so why act like it's the end of the fucking world when a couple in a bl show doesn't kiss or have sex on-screen?

A fulfilling sense of companionship can (and is in some cases) be more than enough for a couple to be happy. Hating on bl shows with characters with this kind of dynamic because the relationship doesn't feel "convincing" or the characters don't look like they have "chemistry" feels homophobic, I'm not even gonna lie ☠️ (at this point I'm pretty sure "chemistry" is just a synonym for sexual activity by how the word gets used all the fucking time, similar to how the word "spice" is used in online spaces).

I will stay bitter at how much hate was thrown at the Cherry Magic drama and movie cause they never had any on-screen kissing or sex scenes. The story doesn't even revolve around sex for the most part! The point of Cherry Magic was to emphasize the importance of not immediately judging people for their surface-level behaviors, to demonstrate how emotional vulnerability + open-mindedness contribute to forming long-lasting bonds, and to show how trust and respecting boundaries is a two-way street.

Adachi losing his virginity in the movie wasn't even that big of a moment in the entirety of the movie. To clarify, the conversation that led up to Adachi losing his virginity was important because he and Kurosawa got to finally be emotionally vulnerable with each other after weeks of pretending everything was ok during their long-distance relationship, which was very important for Adachi's and Kurosawa's character development. After Adachi lost his magic though? The scene brushed by so quickly.

He lost his magic, got surprised, realized he was ready to move forward with his relationship with Kurosawa without using the magic as a crutch, and then continued living his life as an average 30-year-old man for the rest of the film (with the love of his life by his side, of course) AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!! COUPLES DON'T NEED TO KISS AND FUCK CONSTANTLY TO SHOW THAT THEY'RE IN LOVE IN MEDIA!!! IF A FICTIONAL COUPLE DOES KISS AND FUCK A LOT, THAT'S OK TOO!!!

Would I have liked to see Adachi and Kurosawa kiss? Sure! I'm a gay man, I like gay men kissing lol. Is it worth throwing a fucking fit over the two guys only having meals together, holding hands, hugging each other tightly, and nuzzling their faces in the crooks of each others' necks? NO!!! IN FACT, WITNESSING THOSE GESTURES MAKES ME HAPPY!!! IT'S CUTE AND STILL VERY GAY!!!

It's not bad for bl dramas to show romantic and sexual intimacy—I think it's great that a lot of shows do have those aspects to them—but it's not fucking cool to shit on bl shows that don't have those kinds of scenes. Both can and should coexist. There is no correct way for a couple's dynamic to function and it's stupid to act like there is one. There are plenty of ways for people, in general, to show that they love and care about each other.

Fuck, man. Just don't judge gays for how they gay.

[misfit-mania-the-first]

Okay I know this is old news or whatever but I am so mad about how much hate the artist/author of Boyfriends on WEBTOON gets.

From when I was more into the comic, the main reason ppl had to be upset at the person were:

A) They drew BTS nsfw art in their teens

B) They fetishized trans men

C) The characters are all Asian and do not look Asian

D) They had the nerd say he was a proshipper

These reasons are honestly so bad to me. Idk if anyone else has extra info or maybe something else he did was bad, but I’m going to explain why I think these are such bad reasons.

1. BTS nsfw art

I’m just going to come out and say it’s bad to write or draw fanart/fanfics of any real person if they haven’t given consent to. It’s different from characters because these are Real People with real emotions and such. And yeah, that wasn’t good. But a couple things. They stopped drawing it around 17-19. For some people that’s way too old to be drawing that, and many think that it’s an attempt at an excuse.

I don’t think that’s the case. I can’t tell you how many posts I’ve seen online of people having bombastic crushes on singers and actors and doing the most heinous shit because they were teenagers. Teenagers just Do That. Yes it’s creepy, but many people go through a phase of having to learn how to seperate fiction from reality and it’s in your teen years. It’s not odd, and I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility to consider that a 17-18-19 year old would learn that and send out an apology. I mean our brains apparently don’t even develop till 25. There was also one point that many believed that the artist actually liked someone else’s nsfw BTS art recently, but I saw the post they liked and in my opinion…I had no idea who tf they were drawing. I’m not into BTS but I’ve seen pictures and if I was just scrolling one day and saw it I’d like the post. I don’t remember any BTS specific tags or a BTS related caption. Maybe the entire account was about that and so they didn’t feel the need for tags but I have no idea.

2) They fetishized trans men

Writing four trans men acting stupid and cringy in college and having healthy relationships and discussing boundaries and consent in a polyamorous relationship is not fetishizing. The artist himself is a trans man.

Sidebar, many critiques also center around the unrealistic portrayal of four ppl being in one polyamorous relationship together which honestly? Who cares if it’s unrealistic, it’s a good portrayal and it’s a romance, why can’t gays just have a happy story for once.

3) The characters are all Asian and do not look Asian

Hey, I didn’t know they were Asian either. I mean, I figured jock was but not the others. But honestly it’s not that big a deal. They’re the only four characters in the entire series I believe( other than their girl counterparts) and I’m sure if there was another character that wasn’t Asian we’d be able to tel. But even then, many many comics have a similar simplistic artstyle online, and race and ethnicity are not always obvious. Also the artist is Filipino, so I really doubt there’s anything iffy going on there.

4) Nerd is a proshipper

There’s nothing bad about thinking fiction ≠ reality and that you can act independently of the fiction you consume. Most people irl are proship without realizing it. Most literature is proship, because it explores every single aspect of storytelling. Antis really have not chosen the best hill to die on.

And that’s all I’ve got.

[daisyachain]

Two types of misogyny in storytelling, alike in indignity. In your bog standard Anglosphere pop media (mostly USA) (basically USA), attitudes of misogyny manifest as the erasure of women from life. Women don’t exist, when they do exist it’s only as a sexual object or as a mother-like emotional support (as the girlfriend), and where they do exist, they should be dead if at all possible. We’re all familiar.

The mold of the 2000s-2010s Generic Hollywood Media Property targeted at teenagers is a cast of 5-8, including a maximum of 2 women, both of which will be romantically involved with male cast members. The female characters’ roles or professions will be less physical, less visceral, more cerebral, more emotional. In a cast of soldiers the woman will be a doctor or spy, in a cast of doctors the woman will be admin. The general messaging is that women belong in the household as domestic servants (they don’t belong in any place where Things Are Happening) and that women are both mentally and physically weak (even the exceptional women who can achieve anything must be romantically involved with a man and must be in a position that exerts no direct influence over the action).

Now, there are plenty of exceptions. Every era has its Chick Media made for women. Daytime television, romance, and now a lot of literary fiction/non-genre novels are by gals for gals. Hegemonies also change over time; the default popular film in Old Hollywood has more women than the current popular film, because the popular genre has shifted from romance (women required in order to not be gay) to action (no women required). I’m just talking in generalizations.

Switch media environments to your pop Japanese/to some extent Chinese media (can’t speak in detail as I haven’t watched many dramas at all) targeted at teenagers/young adults and you have…plenty of pieces that still follow that mold. Sports anime/action/etc do exactly the same thing. There are also exceptions; just as romance media offers a break to women in the western audience (except for me because I hate it), so are there female-targeted romances. What’s interesting though is that there’s a whole raft of extremely misogynistic, extremely popular media that put women at the forefront.

Fate, Seven Deadly Sins, CLANNAD, Eva, Haruhi Suzumiya, anywhere you got a hot-tempered tsundere in a skimpy outfit with a big gun, there are loads of properties that position women as legendary/powerful characters while also being paint-peelingly sexist. Why? How could a writer who hates women far more than your American Dick Wolf come out of a professional environment that is one of the most misogynistic of the wealthy nations, and create Tsunade?

Who knows. But using Fate as an example, it may come down to the position of women as the possessions of dudes. In American media, the idea of women in the workplace as people you might meet is so pervasive that people can only fantasize it away by forgetting they exist at all. You have to imagine women having lives, you can’t imagine a woman without imagining her being alive, so the best solution is to forget entirely or just make her hot to look at and nothing else.

Contrast what I’ll call the Battle Bound Bikini Babe phenomenon. This also explains why misogynist weebs will have their walls covered in posters of girl-only shows. The idea goes: if women exist only as the possessions of men, as housebound servants or children or mothers who don’t exist or have a presence in the professional world, then obviously you’d want to have your possessions be top class. A powerful/genius woman isn’t a threat or competitor; she’s a status symbol. You want a luxury watch, you want a car, you want a designer suit, you want to fantasize about a top class kitted out girlfriend who is the heir to a dynasty of mages AND a mech pilot AND has big boobs. The male player of Fate (regardless of nationality) must not be able to conceptualize a world where Tohsaka Rin would ever be employed over him, would ever be promoted over him, would ever get a scholarship if he was denied one. That’s not a possibility that exists in his reality. So, her powers or her brains aren’t a threat, they’re a status symbol, and so she’s tolerable as a main-ish character where e.g. Buffy might get the boot

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: Destination Unknown

Author: Bill Konigsberg

Genre: YA Fiction | Historical | Romance | Friendship | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Terminal Illness | HIV/AIDS | Homophobia | Sexual Assault

Overall Rating: 9.2/10

Personal Opinion: I am in shock and awe. I am always for more stories that teaches the history of the AIDS epidemic and how it wiped out a whole generation of queer men because people didn’t care enough to do anything about it. This book is powerful and emotional. It tugs at your heartstrings. Micah is a flawed protagonist, there’s a lot that he doesn’t understand. But he keeps an open mind and learns along the way. I hope young people that read this book will learn too about our history and our present.

Do I Own This Book? Nope.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- I’m sort of in shock and awe. I feel like I’ve seen so many romanticized versions of the 80s that everything in this book hit me much harder than usual. The fear, the casual ignorance, the promiscuity of gay men and their unwillingness to care about the age and comfort of their sexual partners. It’s real and scary and it was just so fascinating to read about this normal everyday kid (Micah) navigating through life. His emotions were just being tugged everywhere and it was a lot. But it was honestly very insightful and I feel like I’ve grown from reading this.

- Everything leading up to the epilogue was beautiful and well written. From the boys joining ACT UP to CJ meeting Micah’s parents to the AIDS walk. It felt like hope. Despite CJ and Rick suffering from this disease, despite having lost Walter, despite the disagreements between Micah and Deena, despite the things that Micah’s parents are still unlearning, it felt like hope. That is a feeling I strive for in my writing. 

- The queer adults in this book acting as mentors for Micah and CJ was so wonderful to see. It is one of my favorite tropes. Felicia was one of Micah’s biggest supporters and even when he was forced to quit the Lortel, she promised to be there for him. Then we have Rick who supported Micah through his coming out despite how awkward it was at first. He was there when Micah and CJ got their test results, he was there at the dinner when CJ met the parents, he was there whenever Micah needed him. I respect that. Finally, we have Becky who didn’t show up much in the book but she gave CJ a home after he was kicked out by his dad. I love her so much. 

- Micah was a very flawed individual and I appreciate the growth he went through in the book. He allowed himself to be used by Napoleon, he allowed his ignorance in AIDS to freeze him in fear, he allowed Deena to belittle him, he allowed his parents to control him. But he met CJ who was this free spirit and he learned to take control of his own life. He learned more about AIDS and learned to be safer. He learned that love isn’t a choice and he learned that he can love freely. Who gives a fuck what other people think? I just have so much respect for his character arc.

- CJ is a bit of a manic pixie dream boy but he’s also very kind-hearted. He delivered meals to people with AIDS and he tipped way more than 15 percent. He’s been hurt before but he doesn’t let it prevent him from loving Micah even though it scares him. He’s a bit of a pathological liar but he uses it to put people at ease around him. A new identity for every person. I have a lot of respect and love for a character like him. Even if he did leave Micah briefly in the epilogue.

Dislikes:

- Who is this Mark and how dare CJ leave Micah for him? I am livid. How fucking dare he. After Micah promised never to leave and he truly never left. I am just so disappointed in CJ. Worse, it wasn’t necessary for the story at all. It was a twist no one asked for. We could’ve just had Micah and CJ growing old together in Phoenix but nope. We had to add a little snippet of CJ breaking Micah’s heart. Why?

- Fuck all the ignorance. I know it’s the 80s and the AIDS epi- demic has caused a ton of irrational fear but oh my god. This is mostly aimed at Deena. The way she constantly shamed and ridiculed CJ for his profession is just disgusting. Sex work is fucking work. 

- Also fuck every older gay men that went after CJ. At eighteen and before. Because ew. For obvious reasons. 

[slasher-male-wife]

Headcannons for Eddie Munson with a male s/o

Ok I know my followers are here for slashers and things like that I get it. But my love for fictional men is too strong to keep me tied to one fandom. Yes I will still post about slashers, yes I will post about men in stranger things too. The thing is I’m in love with this man and I want to be gay boyfriends with him. Also this will get me out of my writers block with fun new people to write for. Sorry about the rant I just need to talk to someone and this is my blog so you have to suck it up.

He knew he was into guys before but you really hit him hard. He’s seen you around school and being how he is walked right up and started talking with you.

Warnings: Minor reference to drugs

He’s gonna be very flirty and love however you respond. You’re gonna get shy and giggly? Super cute. You’re gonna flirt right back with him? He loves a confident man. 

Before he really lets you know how he feels he’s gonna make sure to see if you’d feel the same way. Get ready for hints being dropped about him being gay like watching nightmare on elm street 2 a very gay movie. He might leave out magazines with skantaly clad men for you to find. If you let him know you’re into dudes too he’ll move on with the flirting. If it’s taking to long he’ll just tell you he’s bi and ask you if you’re into dudes. 

Your first kiss is gonna get him really excited to kiss you again. Despite his extroverted exterior he’s really giggly inside. If you go to kiss him again he’s going all in man, I promise. 

Once you two are really dating he’s gonna try to get you into dnd with him. He’ll teach you how to play and help you make your character and everything. If you do go play he’ll like to show you off and have you sit near him or if you’re comfortable with everyone knowing you can sit on his lap. 

He’ll make sure that when you’re around he doesn’t smell like weed or trash. He’ll make sure he looks nice for you whenever you are around. 

He’ll write a little secret song about you and sing it to you if you ask nicely. 

Pet name. So many pet names. Darling, love, baby, sweetheart, pretty boy. He has a very long list he can go off of for you honey. 

He adores pda, around safe people of course. But he’ll make sure to keep you close in public. Nothing to get you two in trouble but enough to let people know you’re “Close friends” “roommates” “Boy best friends” ya know. 

As for his favorite pda, having you sit on his lap, kissing, you playing with his rings, playing with his hair, holding hands and just well being a bit possessive. But if you ask him to cool it he will. 

He’s gonna try to get you to listen to metal he likes. If you do get into it and ask about other bands he’ll gladly take you to buy some casettes or records. 

If you need a ride anywhere he’ll take you there. No questions asked. Just call him up and he’ll take you there don’t worry. 

If people get suspisious about the relationship the two of you have he’ll quickly your defense. No one messes with his pretty boy. 

He loves to cuddle and being the big spoon. He just likes holding you and having you close to him in general. 

He’s gonna give you a bunch of random gifts that have a lot of meaning to him. A necklace with one of his guitar picks on it, one of his favorite die from dnd, an old ring of his that doesn’t fit anymore. Whatever he thinks you deserve he’ll give it to you. If you asked him to stop the earths rotation he’ll find a way to stop it for you. 

He’s not gonna be the best to go to with emotions. He’ll hold you when you cry and listen to you vent but he won’t know how to really fully help you and that really hurts him. Don’t be surprised if you find him reading psychology books or how to comfort someone if he notices you’re really going through it. 

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

(CW: abuse in a fictional book, including sexual abuse)

My dear lgbt+ kids,

In this letter, I want to share some worries I struggled with while writing and publishing my second novel. (I will write this assuming that you have not read it - I know most of you can not read it as it is written in my native language German!)

It's called "Wunschkind" (which translates to "wanted child") and is a psychological thriller about an abusive relationship. The main characters are the 35-year-old Royden and the 19-year-old Noah. They started dating 5 years ago when Royden became the legal guardian of Noah who is disabled.

There is more to the plot but that's all you need to know for this letter.

I explicitly used the term "abusive relationship" here but you probably would have guessed that even if I didn't - you just need to do the math to see that this can't be a healthy relationship. 19 minus 5 equals" definitely not the age group a 30-year-old should pursue sexually".

Yes, the book title "Wanted Child" is meant to have a dark double meaning.

Just like in most abusive relationships in real life, the abuse in the novel (after a phase of intense adoration and love-bombing) starts out as emotional abuse and social isolation of the victim and slowly escalates to physical and sexual abuse. And that's one of the reasons Noah, just like most abuse victims in real life, does not understand right away that he is being abused.

This book was a passion project for me. I wanted to show why abuse victims oftentimes can't "just walk away". I wanted to show why leaving an abuser is much more difficult than a usual break-up and why abuse victims often do not realize they are being abused until the abuse becomes life-threatening. I also wanted to show how abuse intersects with discrimination (like ableism, racism and homophobia) and the additional struggles that victims in marginalized groups face.

And yet, even with a clear vision of why I am writing about abuse, there was an internal struggle I had while writing it. I worried: What if someone reads this and thinks those two characters are meant as a representation of a healthy gay relationship? What if someone takes this as me promoting or glorifying abuse?

There were certain steps I took to help readers make an informed decision to buy and read this novel:

explicitly using the term "abuse" in the blurb

mentioning the age difference in the blurb

To avoid needlessly triggering readers, I also decided to:

not actually show the sexual abuse on the page (writing scenes that take place before and after - but no actual rape scene)

having a third character show clear discomfort with their relationship dynamics and later explicitly label it as abusive (to counteract the main character who is at this point still denying that he is being abused)

Abuse is a sensitive topic and needs to be handled responsibly, not just carelessly thrown around as a cheap plot point. But with all those conscious decisions on my part - couldn't someone still read it and take it totally the wrong way? Could someone read it and still say "Ew, this Oliver Ernst guy is clearly okay with adult men abusing minors, why else would he write a whole book about it" or even "I actually think their relationship is hot, it's just an age difference kink :)" (and did I have literal nightmares about potentially receiving feedback like that?)? Yes, yes, and yes.

But - and this is an important but - as a writer, I need to trust not only myself to get my point across, I also need to trust my readers. I need to trust them to pick up the point and understand it.

If I don't trust them, I would need to chew up the darker themes until they are super easy to swallow - but who wants to eat something pre-chewed? In that case, I could only write books that either go "Everyone is super nice. Nothing happens. The end." or "Here is a fictional book about a dark topic! but it's actually an in-depth nonfiction philosophical-psychological essay about said topic with no characters or plot." I don’t want to do either.

So, I will keep writing about important topics, even if they are dark - while doing my best to help readers make an informed decision about reading them and avoiding needlessly triggering content.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[copperbadge]

pagemelt on tiktok did a 2-part video on Stealing Harry! how does it feel knowing how deeply important that fic is to so many people?

As many of you know I am a Fandom Old, and never has there been a moment where I felt older than when I was trying to get onto TikTok to see these videos. Oh man I am so old. But what lovely and thoughtful tiktoks those were! Just truly delightful and a lot to consider.

For those of you who are curious and/or very new to tiktok as I am, here are the videos:

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRMAErfP/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRMAt3df/

Hopefully those will load in browser, but I can't make promises. Anyway, I had many thoughts but I'm not really a video guy, so I wrote this here and I'm going to drop a link to Pagemelt and hopefully she will see it!

I have a lot of feelings, most of the time, surrounding Stealing Harry; as odd as it is to say it really was a defining moment in my life, though I didn't see that for many years.

In terms of being influential or meaningful to others, of course I'm extremely proud and touched, and so glad I could offer such positivity. Writers do their craft for a lot of reasons, but I've always wanted to write in order to interact with others -- to touch people or teach people or offer them my opinion, although this wasn't as consciously vocalized when I was younger. To have written something with the impact of Stealing Harry, especially at the age of 24, was a real accomplishment for me, but the kind that is mainly seen looking back -- it's the kind of feeling that comes of years of compilation, for lack of a better word, of conversations with others about the work. At the time it was very popular and that felt extremely good, of course, but I didn't understand why.

In some ways I still don't -- I also have a lot of bafflement when it comes to the story, because why THAT story, at THAT moment, and still today? I've had guesses before -- people love a kidfic, and there's plenty of romance and sex, and much of the fic is a sort of emotional hurt/comfort -- but I do feel as though Pagemelt put her finger on something in that regard which I hadn't fully considered.

Her take on Stealing Harry is extremely cogent and thoughtful, particularly since she's looking back at the fic as a reader and really thinking about the experience. Like, bisexual representation that wasn't stigmatized was really important for her, and I think perhaps both Remus being secure in his love as a gay man and Sirius being truly uncertain about his sexuality as someone who has had romantic/sexual relationships with women and strong feelings for men really spoke to people. Struggling with identity or with knowing your identity but feeling attacked for it, and also wanting that security in identity, I can see how the adult relationships in Stealing Harry could speak to people. I'm so very glad they have.

I also think she were spot-on about her discussion of some of the flaws in the story. It WAS written fifteen years ago and the environment in fandom was different. Certainly I love to write a strong redemption arc, so I would have added more nuance to Snape's had I had the reading of Half Blood Prince beforehand, but I think I still would have written it. That said, she's not wrong that there was a strong shift in fandom attitudes towards Snape based on HBP, though it took a few years after the end of the series, at least in my experience, for that to arrive.

I hadn't really thought about the name issues, with Tonks; she was definitely read as queercoded even at the time she first appeared in canon, but specifically trans-coded readings for Tonks weren't as visible and trans headcanons for characters in general, while I'm sure they existed, weren't vocalized as much, for perhaps self-evident reasons given how much transness was respected (or rather, not respected) in fandom at the time. People not always respecting Tonks' name in Stealing Harry does land differently today. It's something I, to my dismay, wouldn't have consciously thought of if I were writing the story today, the idea that respecting Tonks' chosen name was an important gesture to trans readers, so I appreciate having that pointed out.

Though, I am a little proud that, subconsciously, I did sort that out as a current writer -- I don't know if Pagemelt knows that I'm rewriting the story into an original fiction, but in the original-fiction version Tonks is very much gender-questioning and their name and how the adults can help them through it is a whole entire subplot -- Remus finds out about the shift in names, asks Andromeda about it, draws his own conclusions, and then speaks to a canonically trans character about who should (or if they should) offer to be a sympathetic older queer presence in their life.

So overall, I'm feeling quite proud both of myself and Pagemelt, delighted that Stealing Harry continues to be considered a classic text, and not unsatisfied that people are looking at it critically. As you all know from my original work I don't enjoy being told my works' flaws but I do like knowing them so that I can continue to learn and grow as a writer, and Pagemelt said some things that I think will stick with me as I continue. Plus it has made me want to get back into work on the Ozyverse, the adaptation of Stealing Harry, so once I'm no longer traveling with a bluetooth keyboard and an ancient tablet as my primary mode of communication I will get on that....

[raayllum]

no actually please explain how not supporting pedophilla and incest ships is the same as american conservative christianity

not wasting my breath but i will provide links if you're willing to prove you can read

the article tdp's head writer retweeted with the connection in bold

Beyond betraying simple art illiteracy, though, these intensely personal, emotional complaints and appeals to public safety have a clear antecedent: religious and conservative opposition to “obscenity.” The centering of individual values and pain, the assumption that a universal moral standard exists which should guide all public or quasi-public art and behavior, and the belief that art can do material harm to both people and culture as a whole unite the two at first apparently disparate groups of angry indie gamers and religious fundamentalists.

The deployment of victimhood as an unimpeachable defense is an old tactic frequently used by hate groups like One Million Moms and its parent organization, the American Family Association, whose rallying cry “think of the children” now echoes through everything from intra-community Gay Pride discourse to the drearily predictable “there’s too much sex on TV” tweets that seem to sweep across the platform on a weekly basis.

consumption / creation of media not being a short cut to morality (the same way that proving you go to church is not lmao)

history, literature, and the impact of morality on media in north america / the united states (probably too long for u so again, here's a snippet)

Examples of this are the panic over comic books in the 50s (an emblematic case, the book Seduction Of The Innocent, arguing that comic books were a direct cause of juvenile delinquency), the satanic panic of the 80s, the panic over violent video games in the 90s, the panic over the “trans agenda” of the past few years, together with “punching-up” conspiracies like Pizzagate and QAnon. They are all deeply concerned for the youth and the vulnerable, all have a very specific target supposedly responsible for the child abuse they are perceiving, and all are characterized by an impressive amount of disinterest toward more empirically accurate assessments of types of child abuse and how to prevent them.

The level of disinterest and plain detachment from the work that should be put in to actually make a change even suggests that the child victim is really just a symbol in a social phenomenon that, at closer inspection, is not about them. It’s not about the child. It’s about the idea of the perfect childhood 

and my own words just last month when another teen tried to pull this shit on me. newsflash, i've held the exact same opinion on this when i was a teen in fandom (both a decade ago, and just three years ago!! i was a teenager just three years ago)

Another thing grammarians and writers have been concerned with since before is what is Okay to be portrayed in art. Plato’s The Republic thinks that art is immoral because it may give people unrealistic or unsafe ideas because people are 'unable’ to distinguish fiction from reality. He later retracted this, although Aristotle’s Poetics was a text where Aristotle disagreed with Plato’s prior established opinion.

Fandom is entrenched in cultural Christianity and the conservative mindsets that come with it. Aphobia in fandom was rampant from 2014-2017; truscum and tucute discourse as well; how prevalent TERF rhetoric can be (women are inherently good, attraction to men is shameful, etc). I’ve seen all of these things in fandom. All hinge an idea on being able to decode a person’s intent (somehow), the rising attachment of morality to genres of entertainment (antis), and how many antis I’ve seen that are TERFs or Aphobes or guzzling down that rhetoric without even realizing.

Terfs and the Conservative far-right have a long history of working together. Both frame concerns of gay people as pedophiles, being anti sex work (because sex is nasty and a sin), that we must Protect the Children who cannot monitor or make any decisions for themselves at any age. The anti vs pro ship dynamic online is a microism of larger public discussions regarding purity culture - and that includes how queerness is overly sexualized, how queer sex is seen as especially dirty, the “should kink be at pride?” discourse, and issues with respectability politics.

Antis who say we have to harass people to control what exists in fandom to “protect minors” on a moral basis are ideologically adjacent to parents who decry earlier Sex Education for children

hate to break it to you bub but if you've ever consumed anything based off greek myth (hades/persephone, percy jackson, lore olympus, hadestown, etc.) you've consumed things that have incest in 'em. hades and persphone are niece and uncle on both sides, because her parents are also siblings to hades, and his parents / her grandparents were also siblings. just the way the myth works.

something being ideologically similar, adjacent, or parallel is also not the same as supporting - but clearly you believe in orwellian thought crime, too, don't you? you know, the idea that your just your thoughts can be Morally Wrong and Impure and any expression of them (like fic) can get you in trouble if you don't repress every urge that goes against the societal grain, even in a fictional / fantasy space, and-

like, tell me u can hear this

[theyanderespecialist]

My Self Discovery Of My Sexually 13+ Years of not knowing

At first, I thought I was bi but sometimes thought I was a lesbian since I leaned more towards girls. But I found sex gross most of the time. Did not like to be touched and kissing was so nasty. I told my mom this and she told me it will feel right when I meet the right guy... I tried dating guys. I tried dating girls. I got easily emotionally attached but not enough where it was right. Then I met her, a girl in my year who after a year of knowing. I felt it. Yes, I could feel libido when I was horny or simping over a fictional character. ALL The But never did I feel such desire for another person wear I was so mmmm excited. We did it, which honestly I was thirteen and way too young to be doing it. Though came the problem. I still thought I was bi. Because I LOVE Fictional characters, especially men. So much that I would get off to them when exited. So I thought I was bisexual and I came out to my mom. She of course told my sister and oh boy this is where the talk comes in. She told me that being bi is a gateway to being gay. Then took me on a three hour drive talking about how I would go to hell if I was gay and how God controlled us. Even said. "God is keeping me from driving us into this ditch." Like no God gives us the choice. Either way, this went on where I was not allowed to be alone with any females outside the family. This made me better at lying about it. For the next two years at least I was forced to go to church and not be around girls. It was it sucked. It also really fucked with my psyche. I 1000% knew I would go to hell and now lived in a state of fear of damnation. Long story short I left the church and religion hoped a bit Anyways I learned who I was. At eighteen I thought I was pansexual. As It seemed the only thing that fit. Got THE TALK Then too. Now that I am 26 almost 27 I figured out what I really am. Panromantic and Demisexual. Got A version of THE TALK once more. Guess some things never changed. My Sexuality never changed. I just learned what it was. My sister and mom? (Yes my mom said this is just a phase and that I grow out of it and never stopped my sister from talking to me about going to hell) I don't care what they think. I know for a fact that I love who I am. Also, as a side note homosexuals were never damned in the bible only when a bunch of older white dudes in 1946 translated the bible did it say, homosexuals. The word actually translates to pervert or pedophile. The more you know. 

(side note for those who do not know, I can enjoy sex even if not connected with someone. Such as enjoying it as a physical act But I do not orgasm from those times or am sexually attracted to the person. I am just really super hypersexual and have a high libido and sometimes have actual sex to deal with it. Mental and emotional orgasms are my best friend. Sometimes even better than physical ones. ANDYES You can still simp over fiction characters and be attracted to them because they are fiction it does not mean you would actually do them in real life. Asexuals and Demisexuals can have fantasies sexually to they are not all sex repulsed.) 

I love to give blowjobs and eat someone else I love servicing someone sexually even if I am not sexually attracted to them. BUT I HATE KISSING WITH TONGUE it makes me so uncomfy and sometimes even sick. Anyways this is just a mini rant on how I was not allowed to find out who I was and how it took me until I was legit over a quarter of a century old to find out who I am XD) 

[wishingicouldfly]

I've been actively blogging for more than six months, even though I've had a tumblr account for ten years. I started reading One Direction (specifically Larry) fanfiction about the same time.

Originally, I read exclusively canon compliant fiction--I was hungry for industry insider, what-could-have-happened narratives. But I've slowly branched out into other genres. I find fanfic--good fanfic--super calming. When I've had too much stunting, too much noise, I grab a fanfic and immerse myself. So I thought it was time to do a post about my favorites. Keep in mind, I'm terrible at cataloging, and I have over 150 bookmarks on my A03 Account, so this is by no means an exhaustive list.

I'm not including the classics like Tired, Tired Sea and Escapade. While I do love both of those (so well written), because a lot of people know about those already.

My all time favorites are by @helloamhere

1. The Multipicity of Powers - https://archiveofourown.org/works/28580229

Maybe in another universe he isn’t different. Maybe he hadn’t been given an impossible choice. Maybe he wouldn’t have lost everything and broken everything and then fallen impossibly, irrevocably in love with the first next thing that was kind. Maybe in that universe he doesn’t feel like he’s never breathing, always pretending, teaching the kids even though they all have to learn alone, trying hard not to read the headlines, and so afraid, every day, that he won’t be a good enough teammate to the superhero he can’t live without. He knows that love isn’t supposed to feel this way, slid secret under your skin like a surgical razor, an invisible war held close over the tender vein that keeps you alive. On the other hand, Louis wonders, had he ever known how to do it any other way?

Maybe there’s a universe where he doesn’t have to keep all his secrets on the inside.

But this isn’t that universe.

//an X-Men AU.

Me: I never thought I'd love a super hero 1D cross over, but this is so well done. The backstory, the pacing, the characterization, the friendship. Read it.

2. Saving Symphony Hall and it's prequel Night Out - https://archiveofourown.org/works/12633921

“I think I have an idea,” Louis said. Slowly, and reluctantly, but with a growing sense of the inevitable. “God damnit, I think I have a really good idea.”

“Oh christ, that's the problem-solving face,” Babs said. “Last time we saw that face, he sold a company.”

“Wait, what?” Zayn asked.

“Right place, right time,” Louis said. “Also, fuck my life,”

“What?” Zayn repeated. Niall patted his hand.

“I usually just roll with whatever Louis is about to do,” he said. “It’s better for us all.”

“That’s the attitude,” said Louis, “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Tonight, I need to do some research. Zayn, give me your number. I’m gonna save our symphony.”

Me: The best sex scene I've ever read is in the prequel Night Out. Sexy, but tender. I love the characterizations in this duo--ABO but not traditional. Doesn't feel out of character.

3. Just Let Me -https://archiveofourown.org/works/11695350

The party was going well. So well, Niall had already sworn undying love to one multi-tiered chocolate cake, two friendly corgi-poodle mixes, Zayn’s hair, and the entire population of Los Angeles. So well, Zayn had only laughed and ruffled Niall’s hair and not even twitched towards a cigarette. So well, nearly everyone had spilled far past the boundaries of the night’s original plans, extracting bottles of vodka from the cabinets and losing a lot of clothes. Harry had proclaimed that he was finally going to throw a small and very grownup dinner party and of course here they were three hours later, fifty people half-naked in the pool. Soon to be full-naked, if Louis had to guess. Everybody in LA loved a heated pool. Everybody loved Harry.

Me: I love love love this. Harry is so gentle, and Louis is so stubborn and needy. It's ABO but subtle. I'll read this one again and again. It's comforting.

@HelloAmHere is one of the best writers I know--amazing stuff. I also love their werewolf story, but it's not finished, so I won't link it here.

Other favorites:

1. Seven Up by cherrystreet - https://archiveofourown.org/works/5828539

Very loosely based on the British TV show "The Up Series" and somewhat inspired by the song “Something I Need” by Onerepublic, we follow the lives of Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson in an interview setting every seven years. They fall apart and come together, their lives and emotions recorded. Harry calls it a time capsule. Louis calls it a pain in the arse.

Me: Trigger Warning, major character death. I literally SOBBED through the end of this. It was lovely and devastating. So good. But be warned.

2. Light, Spark and Fire series by @greenfeelings

Life’s pretty ordinary for Harry. He lives with his best friend, got into university just like he’s planned, and manages to support himself just fine for an unbonded omega. If he sustains that lifestyle by getting paid to help alphas through their rut every now and then, that’s nothing to be hung up on. Until he’s hired by an alpha that turns everything upside down.

Or, Louis and Zayn run a music label, Liam is Britain’s up-and-coming pop star, Harry’s working on taking Louis’ walls down until he builds his own up, and Niall holds them all together without realising he does.

Me: A nice healthy three-parter. Characters you just want to live with for a while.

3. Relief Next to Me by dolce_piccante - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1117942

AU. What happens when a baker and a graphic designer meet via a very specific Craigslist post? Fate, friendship, food, and maybe more.

Me: This one is super long, so be prepared when you dive in. It's got a lot of lovely bits, and some great smut.

4. 2012 'Verse by ashavahishta - https://archiveofourown.org/series/27601

Me: This is a five-parter and satisfies my love of canon compliant stories. It spans most of 2012 and into 2013, and illustrates the difficulties of Harry and Louis' relationship amid the band success and management disapproval.

5. Love After the End of the World by mercurial-madhouse (writing_practice) - https://archiveofourown.org/works/31251434/chapters/77248901

Society shattered when all electricity suddenly cut off across the globe, plunging the world into darkness. Now, Prometheus Industries is the sole remaining supply of power, a saving grace to those who survived Lights Out. As fugitives in no-man’s land struggling to break into Prometheus HQ, death lurks around every corner for Louis and Zayn. Things get complicated when a routine recon falls apart and Louis collides with Harry and his mates Niall and Liam, survivors with their own agenda.

When staying alive is already a constant battle, the deadliest weakness is to be in love. For Harry and Louis, finding each other sits on top of the endless list of What Else Could Go Wrong.

Me: Really unusual (as far as I can tell) end of the world story. I loved the characterizations of soul mates here at the end of the world.

6. Flightless Bird by audreyhheart - https://archiveofourown.org/works/6401653/chapters/14656807

AU where Louis Tomlinson is a principal dancer with The Royal Ballet. When his rival from ballet school, moody dance prodigy Harry Styles joins the company, old wounds are reopened and old passions reignited. During the company's production of Swan Lake the secret that doomed their love is finally revealed, but will it be too late?

Me: Trigger Warning, sexual assault (by an original character to a major character). This was a little brutal because I hated to see a broken Harry, but it was well written and has a happy ending.

7. Wear It Like A Crown by zarah5 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1816771/chapters/3900322

AU. As part of a team of fixers hired to handle a gay scandal in Buckingham Palace, Louis expects Prince Harry to be a lot of things—most notably a royally spoilt brat. Never mind that the very same Prince Harry used to star in quite a number of Louis' teenage fantasies.

Me: I loved Louis in this one--actually they are both pretty great. Scratch that, they are ALL pretty great.

8. Shake Me Down by AGreatPerhaps12 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/3331958/chapters/7285322

Harry's new to college, fresh out of Catholic school and conversion therapy camp, and Louis runs the campus LGBTQIA organization.

Me: I don't like the self-hate here, but it was necessary for the story and H comes around. Found family vibe.

9. Gods & Monsters by Velvetoscar - https://archiveofourown.org/works/2090982/chapters/4550871

The instructions were simple: seduce and destroy Harry Styles. Not once did they discuss the option of Louis actually falling in love. So, naturally, that's exactly what he did.

Me: I loved Harry in this one. Louis gets there. I don't like Liam, but I don't think you're supposed to. Zayn is great.

10. Own the Scars by crinkle-eyed-boo (KimmieRocks) - https://archiveofourown.org/series/1010796

Louis has never felt like he was good enough: for his stepdad, for his life-long best friend, for the life he's supposed to want. After an accident that nearly costs him his life, Louis' parents send him to rehab where he’s forced to face his demons. On the long and difficult road to recovery, Louis must confront the truths he’s been avoiding about his future, his relationships, and his sense of self-worth. Because before he can love anyone else, he’s got to learn how to love himself first.

Me: Harry is lovely in this one. Trigger warning, substance abuse and near death.

11. Wild Love by purpledaisy - https://archiveofourown.org/series/1030904

AU: Two best friends try to date each other for forty days. It's supposed to be fun until emotions make it complicated.

Me: I loved this way more than I thought I would. It's lovely and messy and I love it.

12. Victorian Boy by audreyhheart - https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosann1986/readings?page=6

Victorian AU. Harry the virgin Duke of Somerset knows little of love, while Louis the sly Duke of Warwick knows too much. When the two dukes come together for the Bilsdale fox hunt in York, Harry finds himself drawn into Louis' bed. But when secrets from Louis' dark past come to light, Harry fears that the fox isn't the only one being hunted.

Me: Historical fiction I didn't intend to love. I LOVE Harry in this one. LOTS of smut, so be warned.

13. Keep Me Closer by zanni_scaramouche - https://archiveofourown.org/works/30752633

Louis expects Harry to react poorly, maybe even file a formal complaint and that’s gonna suck ass but Louis won’t say shit cause he knows he deserves it, so he prepares an apology before Harry’s even turned around.

What he doesn’t expect is Harry to fucking drop.

Me: lovely, protective Louis just trying to do the right thing.

14. Turning Page by purpledaisy for SockstheDog

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11826345

AU: Harry Styles tries to get lost in a place he’s never been.  Louis Tomlinson has been perfecting the art of being lost for years. What they don’t expect to find is each other.

Me: sweet love story. Niall owns a bar, and is pretty great.

15. Freedom Always Comes With a Price by Cyantific - https://archiveofourown.org/works/30278514/chapters/74624262

A shared dream brings them together onto the X-factor stage, but one decision changes Harry and Louis’ lives overnight. Thrust into a world of instant stardom, they're forced to live a lie to sustain their dreams, but years of living in the shadows and under strict management takes its toll.

With the bands impending hiatus, there’s no better time for change, so they think.

Desperate for a solution, they turn to an unlikely source with a radical plan. An unfortunate accident sets everything in motion, but not how they intended, leaving Louis’ memories altered, Harry broken-hearted and full of regret.

Can Harry figure out a way to fix everything? Will he even want to once he sees how Louis moved on after the hiatus? Will Louis ever find out the truth of their past and can he forgive Harry after all this time?

In the end, two friends find out that memories are elusive, trust is everything and love is the only antidote.

Me: Heartbreaking when they lose each other, but really good in the end.

16. Little Technicolor Things by scary_crow - https://archiveofourown.org/works/6025519/chapters/13821628

Louis is a poor writer and recent university graduate, depressed, anxious, and living in London when he meets Harry, an artist with a secret who likes to paint sunrises and pretty boys from California.

17. Hold You Now by solvetheminourdreams - https://archiveofourown.org/works/30253536/chapters/74556744

Three years ago, Harry Styles said goodbye to communications consultancy firm McQuiston Worldwide, leaving a life of travel and agency PR behind. When he accompanies his best friend to a family wedding across the Atlantic, he'll be forced to reopen old wounds and face his past—one that no one wants to hash out, but may just have to.

Me: Niall is great. They almost miss each other in this one, and you just want to bash them over the head. But they figure it out.

18. At Risk, I Fold by clare328 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/26542480

2015 is a stream of hotel rooms and whisky on the rocks, tired glances and touching hands under tables. It’s the bears and the bees under a rainbow sky, and Harry and Louis have to figure out how to grow up together, instead of apart.

Me: A canon compliant fic that feels like it could have really happened. Set in 2015. Lovely first chapter and scene where Harry writes If I Could Fly--i could read that chapter over and over.

19. Into The Blue by zarah5 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1035822/chapters/2065499

AU. In which Louis is Harry's scuba instructor and quite happy to provide the requested special treatment, pun fully intended. It can't be all that difficult to convince Harry that they're on the same page, right? Also, Niall and Liam may or may not be dating, and Zayn is surrounded by emotionally stunted idiots. He bears it with dignity.

Me: AKA the Scuba fic.

20. Tie Your Heart by ArcadianMaggie - https://archiveofourown.org/works/546688/chapters/973236

Harry grows wings.

Me: How can you not love a fic where Harry grows wings? Trigger warning: injury of a major character.

21. I think I'll end this here. My last and probably first favorite (read it more than once) is...

my heart is breathing for this moment in time by usedtothebeach - https://archiveofourown.org/works/934996/chapters/1820282

When Louis first saw Harry at the 2010 X Factor Auditions, he thought he was watching a peculiarly special stranger. But Harry has known Louis ever since he was five years old.

Because Louis has a rare genetic disorder that causes him to Time Travel to important moments in his past and in his future - and to Harry, always to Harry. When they're put into a band together, it seems like everything Harry has been waiting and wishing for has finally come true. Except for the small fact that Louis doesn't know that Harry is in love with him- that Harry's always been in love with him. Fate, it would seem, is just getting started.

A story about growing up and growing together, and the impossible love that makes it all worthwhile.

Me: I LOVED the Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, and I'm a huge fan of time travel, so this is right up my alley. It's really well done, weaving canon into fantasy and then going years forward in tme. I love everything about it. Great character development. Really good smut. Trigger warning, there's a little underage sex, so be aware. Anyway, LOVE this one so much.

I'll add to this but it's already longer than I meant it to be.

[joneswuzhere]

hello join me in thinking about some books and authors that are, or might be, part of s5′s intertextuality

5.10 in particular offered specific shout outs, and also u know i’m always wondering what might be ahead so i have some ideas on that:

- first, as mentioned in a previous ask post, i know i wasn’t alone in keeping an eye out for 5.10 parallels to the lost weekend (1945) the film that gave episode 1.10 its name and several themes - or to the 1944 book by charles r jackson which the film is based on

- s5 has not been shy about revisiting earlier seasons, especially s1. altho i feel that 1.10′s parallels to the lost weekend centered characters other than jughead (mostly betty), a 1.10-5.10 connection involving jughead and themes from jackson’s story (addiction, writers block, self reflection) seemed v possible if not inevitable

- but like,, , for a hot minute after the ep, i was really stumped on understanding how anything from the book or film could apply, even tho the pieces were almost all there

- jackson’s protagonist don birnam goes thru and comes out the other side of a harrowing days-long drinking binge that could be compared to jughead’s one-night hallucinogenic writing retreat

- but jughead is struggling primarily with traumatic memories, not addiction and self control like birnam. and tho drinking activates birnam’s creativity, it paralyzes his writing as he gets lost in fantasies; he’s never published anything. jughead’s drug trip recreates circumstances that already helped him write one successful book. even the rat that startles him mid-high doesn’t line up with birnam’s withdrawal vision of a dying mouse, symbolic of his horror at his own self-destruction thru alcohol

- and maybe the most visible discordance: in the film there’s a romantic motif around a typewriter. first it’s an object of shame; birnam’s failure to write, tied up with his drinking, makes him flee his relationship. he tries to pawn the typewriter for booze money and finally a gun when shooting himself feels easier than getting sober. but with the help of relentless encouragement from girlfriend helen, he quits drinking, commits to her, and focuses on typing out the story he’s dreamt of writing. rd goes so far to avoid setting any comparable scenario that jughead has brought a wholeass printer into the bunker so there can still be a physical manuscript to cover in blood by the end, even without his own typewriter. the subtle detail of his laptop bg image is a little less noticeable than his avoidance of betty’s gift

- tabitha might be closer to a parallel than jughead is, but she’s still no helen. both refuse to take advantage of the inebriated men in their care, but birnam takes advantage of helen, financially and emotionally. jughead refused a loan from the tate family and now has resolved to deal with his shit before he considers a relationship with tabitha. instead of helen’s relentless and unwelcomed attempts to get birnam sober, tabitha reluctantly agrees to help jughead trip safely bondage escape notwithstanding. she even helps him get the drugs.

- whatever potentials exist for parallels to jackson’s story, they were not explored for this episode. ok so why tf am i even talking about this? what was there instead?

-  i have arrived at the point

- s5 has been revisiting s1, not directly but with a twist. and jughead’s agent samm pansky is back. u may recall, pansky is named for sam lansky

- jughead’s trip-thru-trauma is a story device tapped straight from lansky’s book ‘broken people’

- lansky is like if a millenial john rechy wrote extremely LA-flavored meta but just about himself no jk very like a modern successor to charles r jackson. both play with the boundary between memoir and fiction. lansky is gay; jackson wrote his lost weekend counterpart as closeted and remained closeted himself until only a few years before his death. both write with emotional clarity and self-scrutiny on the experiences of addiction, sobriety, and the surrounding issues of shame and self worth

- i feel like a fool bc after this ep i had been thinking about de quincey and his early writings on addiction (c.1800s), but i failed to carry the thought in the other direction, to contemporary writers in the genre, to make this connection sooner

- lansky’s second book, broken people, follows narrator ‘sam’, mid-20s, super depressed, hastled by his agent to write a decent follow-up to his first book, but too busy struggling with his self-worth and baggage from several past relationships. desperate, he takes up an offer to visit a new age shaman who promises to fix everything wrong with him in a matter of days. not to over simplify it but he literally spends a weekend doing psychedelics and hallucinating about his exes. jughead took note

- unless u want me to hurl myself into yet another dissertation about queer jughead, i think his parallel to sam - who, unlike jughead, has considerable financial privilege and whose anxieties center on body dysmorphia, hiv scares, and his own self-centeredness - pretty much ends there

- But,, the gist of the book could not be more harmonius with a major theme shared by the 2 films that inform the actual hallucination part of jughead’s bunker scene: mentally reframing past relationships to get closure + confronting trauma head-on in order to move forward

- so that’s neat. what other book and author stuff was in 5.10?

- stephen king and raymond carver get name dropped. i’m passingly familiar with them both but u bet i just skimmed their wiki bios in case anything relevant jumped out

- like jughead, carver was a student (later a lecturer) at the iowa writers workshop. also the son of an alcoholic and one himself

- i recall carver’s ‘what we talk about when we talk about love’ is what jughead was reading in 2.14 ‘the hills have eyes’ after he finds out about the first time betty kissed archie (at that time he does not respond as would any of carver’s characters)

- this collection of carver stories deals especially with infidelity, failings of communication, and the complexities and destructiveness of love. to unashamedly quote the resource that is course hero, ‘carver renders love as an experience that is inherently violent bc it produces psychic and emotional wounds.’ very fun to wonder about the significance of this collection within the s2 episode and in jughead’s thoughts. and maybe now in the context of the s5 state of relationships. or, at least, the state of jughead’s writing as seen by his agent

- anyway pansky doesn’t want carver, he wants stephen king

- i have too much to say about gerald’s game in 5.10, that’s getting its own post someday soon

- lol wait king’s wife is named tabitha uhhh king’s wiki reminded me of his childhood experience that possibly inspired his short story ‘the body’ (+1986 movie ‘stand by me’) when he ‘apparently witnessed one of his friends being struck and killed by a train tho he has no memory of the event’

- no mention of that in this rd episode but memories of a train could be interesting to consider with the imagery that intrudes on jughead’s hallucination. i still feel like it was a truck but the lights and sounds he experiences may be a train

- ok now we’re in the speculation part of today’s segment

- if jughead’s traumatic memory involves trains, then it’s possible this plot will take influence from la bête humaine <- this 1938 movie is based on the 1890 novel by french writer émile zola. this story deals with alcoholism and possessive jealousy in relationships, sometimes leading to murder. huh, kind of like carver. zola def comes down on the nature side of the nature-vs-nuture bad seed question (tho i should say he approaches this with great or maybe just v french compassion). also i can’t tell if this is me reaching but, something about la bête humaine reminds me of king’s ‘secret window’ which we’ve observed to be at least a style influence on jughead post time jump

- but wow a late-19th century french writer would be a random thing to drop into this season, right? then again zola also wrote about miners, which we’ve learned are an important part of this town’s history + whatever hiram is up to this time.  and most notably, zola wrote ‘j’accuse...!’ an open letter in defense of a soldier falsely accused and unlawfully jailed for treason: alfred dreyfus. archie’s recent army trouble comes to mind.

- since the introduction of old man dreyfuss (plausibly Just a nod to close encounters actor richard dreyfuss, but also when is anything in this show Just one thing) i’ve been wondering if these little things could add up to a season-long reference to zola’s writings. but i had doubts and didn’t want to speak on it too soon bc, u know, it’s weird but is it weird enough for riverdale??

- however,,,

- (come on, u knew where i was going with this)

- a24′s film zola just came out. absolutely no relation to the french writer, it’s not based on a book but an insane and explicit twitter thread by aziah ‘zola’ wells about stripping and? human trafficking?? this feels ripe for rd even outside the potentials here for the lonely highway/missing girls plot.

- that would add up to a combination of homage that feels natural to this show

- anyway pls understand i’m just having fun speculating, most of this is based on nothing more concrete than the torturous mental tendril ras has hooked into my skull pls let go ras pls let go

[sortasirius]

Ok, I have to ask. I love your analysis of the episode. Honestly, it made the ep better for me, cause it felt very fan servicey to me watching it. But I have 2 questions. Really, a question and an observation. First, how do you mean the writers were fighting so hard? I'm sure you've analyzed this is previous posts, could you direct me? I just find this difficult to believe cause its on the CW, (seriously, on Legends of Tomorrow, I think like 2 characters are straight). 1/3

Hello!

Okay, so on your question, you can read my post about it here, but let me go into a little more detail.

The CW *now* is very different from the CW in 2005.  It’s rapidly had to change into a queer-positive network over the years, but that was not the case back then.  I’ve watched old CW shows, there are no main queer characters that I can think of (the only one coming to mind of the shows I’ve watched is Eric Van Der Woodsen in Gossip Girl, and he’s not exactly a main character).

2005 was a different time, the year when the “gay cowboy movie,” Brokeback Mountain, was the butt of every joke, completely ignoring that is a tragic love story about two closeted queer men, one of whom is murdered for his queerness.

To compare the shows on the CW now with SPN honestly isn’t fair, just because SPN is an absolute dinosaur.

Additionally, think of the original plot of the show, barring the fact that Dean has been queer-coded from the beginning: two macho manly brothers criss-crossing the country, killing monsters.  It was a testament to Route 66 America, a road trip show with no major romance, just two brothers who only need each other.

It’s unrealistic to think that WB and the CW would just be chill with making one of the two manly men in the show a queer character, because they’re thinking not only about their audiences in the Bible Belt of the United States, but also their international audience as well.  No matter what, it was going to be a hard sell, because that’s not what the show, not what Dean, was originally “intended to be.”

PLUS, you can tell it was a fight just by the change in the story arcs (again, more detail in my post linked above).  Look at season 12.  Look at season 13.  The parallel of Dean being dragged away from Cas by Sam, just like Dean dragged Sam away from Jess in the pilot...it’s loud.

What’s louder?  Dean’s grief arc while Cas is gone.  His hatred for Jack, his anger, his recklessness, throwing his life around.  And everyone can see it.

And then...Cas comes back, as Dean’s big win.  They had ratcheted it up so far that they couldn’t pull it all the way back, but something made them pull it back.  Why?  The arc was clear, the emotional stakes were being constantly raised, why pull back?  The only thing that makes sense is that the network stepped in, they had crossed a line, told to tone it down.  And they did, through all of season 14 they did.

But here we are now, from the second 15x01 aired you could tell it was different, you could tell something had changed.  And now we have a love confession from Cas.  And that is not something that the network just rolled over and allowed, because that’s where we were headed in season 13, only for them to back off, change course.  So they fought for it.  And they won.

As for Buffy, again, that was a HUGE deal when it happened.  They were the first lesbian couple on a prime time show in the United States!  But that was established fairly early on after Tara’s introduction, Joss Whedon made it clear after seeing the actresses’ chemistry that they were going to be together, and he also likely had to fight to get that greenlit, simply because of the time period.

What I’m saying is, the show has been around forever, Dean has, to a good portion of people that watch the show, presented as straight for a lot of that time.  A network is worried about money, but why now?  The show is over, they don’t have to worry about it getting renewed. If they lose viewers because of this, who cares?  But I promise you, this was not agreed to right away, the writers have fought for this to happen.

Okay to your second point: I mean, I don’t see it as mocking.  Like...”Fan Fiction” is a fun episode.  It’s silly, it makes fun of the entire show, and definitely plays into the “fans are crazy” narrative that Becky originally did.  Dabb and co have shied away from that, especially with their rework of Becky this season, it’s clear that they no longer think the “crazy fangirl” is the enemy.  For me though, I don’t take that stuff personally, just like I don’t take Becky personally.  It’s meant to be a joke, which I think it captures, it makes fun of the entire premise of the show as well as those of us that love it.

Lastly, on the queerbaiting thing.  My friend.  No one can say it’s queerbait anymore because...it’s literally canon.  Like, honest to god canon.  Cas is in love with, has always been in love with Dean, and I’m relatively sure that Dean will tell Cas the same before all this is over.

So hard disagree there, it can’t be queerbait (I haven’t felt that way in a long time personally) because it’s canon.