#all they do is spread negativity and wind people up. why are you all like this

[dogrocks]

“post your unpopular opinion on…” “post a take you can’t stand on…” “post a hot take on … that will make you like this”

[writeslikeanaria]

we need literally ANYTHING with sejanus plinth pls 🙏🙏🙏

but if you actually need ideas, maybe something with sej being pissed/angry bc of people at the academy, and taking it out on reader (by fucking her) so like kindly mean, angry, cocky sejanus, not necessarily degrading and with some sweet aftercare at the end? <3

sejanus plinth was normally a sweetheart. (18+ smut)

(requests are open)

kind, doting, and a gentleman, always holding your hand with the upmost care. whether it be with one hand behind your back, carefully guiding you through the winding, busy halls of the academy, or enclosed with yours as you lay on your back, legs spread wide for him as he makes love to you with the softest smile.

he was so passive. never finding himself angered or frustrated with anything to do with you. you were his angel, his shining star, his beautiful doll.

which is why when the rumours started about you and him, sejanus didn’t know how to control what he was feeling. it started with a couple a heated kisses in the library, where your back was pressed against the shelves, sej’s hand caressing your side. his lips slotted together perfectly with yours, passion brewing with every swipe of his tongue against yours. in his mind, it was innocent.

according to the people that saw, it was anything but.

sej was getting sick of what his classmate spoke about you behind your back.

“desperate capital slut.”

“whore for the pathetic district boy.”

“loose, deranged harlot.”

sejanus was so confused with the negative feelings building within him. the urge to punch a hole deep within the white, plastered walls. the need to grab someone by their throat and throw them against the ground. his wrath was overwhelming.

and it was all because of you. perfect, innocent you. you had no idea what your snide classmates were gossiping about behind your back, sallowing your good name, and rewriting your reputation with disgusting, cruel comments, that were just untrue.

it’s why sejanus felt the need to take this out on you.

back home, in the quiet privacy of your own bedroom, dressed to the nines in dainty, pink ribbons and lace piled up the walls, sejanus didn’t make love to you like usual.

your school skirt was still on your body, just flipped upwards, panties moved to the side, as sejanus mouthed at your innocent cunt. you were bent over your vanity, pressed down so hard your breasts were spilling out of their bra cups, and wriggling around with more pleasure than you had ever felt.

sej’s expert tongue was working wonders on you. curling deep inside, he lapped like a mutt at your puffy lips, trying to get his fix on as much of your juices as possible. sweated beaded along his forehead, dampening his soft, brune curls, but he could not care less, as he nose smelt the sweetness of your pussy.

he pulled back and spat against your cunt, watching as you recoiled with a high pitched moan, back arching off the table in the most delectable way. “yeah, you like that?”

you mewled pathetically, words barely able to escape your lips, bruised from the fervent kissing that started this escapade. “yes– so good, sej.”

sejanus smirked, standing up from behind you, and pulling his pants down, revealing his hardened, straining cock. “it’s going to get even better, i promise.” you couldn’t see it, but you could feel it, the thick girth pressed against your thigh.

“need it, need it so bad.” you whined, scratching at your vanity with a zealous need. “please, i want you now.”

he didn’t even have to ask you to beg, your needy self being taken over with an eager little whore. sej laughed to himself in his mind, his thoughts trailing to what his cruel classmates would say about you if they saw you now.

but sejanus had better things to do. pressing his length inside, he wrapped one arm around you hip, to rub tight circles on your throbbing clit, and another hand leaned over to your throat, not exactly choking you, but holding you still as he started pounding against you, watching as all your trinkets shook with the power of his thrusts.

you were moaning uncontrollably, totally unaware of the fact that anyone else in this house could hear you. your sense were alight with pleasure, your feeling of pure bliss building with every thrust. you were obsessed with the way sejanus was fucking you, completely new, exceedingly welcome. you reached your hand behind you and latched onto sejanus’ curls, pulling him in closer.

“faster, sej–” you moaned at a particularly rough thrust. “faster.”

“this is exactly what you needed, isn’t it?” sejanus’ ego was being inflated by every sound, every groan, every sound of pleasure you made. he had no idea he could even make you feel like this. “just needed the rougher treatment. just needed to be bent over a used.”

you cried out at his words. “yes!” your cunt clenched around his, orgasm building as his fingers rubbed faster at your pulsing pearl. “needed it so bad, thank you, thank you—”

you were cut off by the blinding light of your orgasm, washing over you like a crashing wave, not used to the most overpowering feeling. your cunt was so tightly clenched around sej’s cock that he released at the same time as you, filling you up completely with his spurts of cum, sighing as he laid down against your back.

after you had both come down from your highs, you started whining at the overstimulation, and sejanus got the message, slowing pulling out of your weeping cunt, and relishing at the thick drops of release oozing out. he chuckled to him, scooping the falling liquid into his fingers and pushing back inside.

“stay right there.” he leaned over to your ear, pressing kisses to your neck. you sighed, slumping against the floor as sejanus ran into the bathroom, emerging seconds later with a damp cloth.

cleaning you up was much softer than the previous activities. sej had you between his legs, wiping at all the cum and sweated that accumulated on your skin, whispering nothing but gentle compliments and apologises.

you giggled sweetly. “don’t apologise, i loved it.” you paused though, thinking of how to say the right thing next. “sej… are you okay?”

sejanus’ hands paused as his breathing stopped for a short moment. after a thought, he leant down, taking your head in his hand and turning it towards his face, pressing a soft kiss against your lips.

“i am now.”

—

thank you for requesting ! first time writing for my good boy sejanus. sweet boy. love that guy.

[scotodyne]

Lethe Act I

The Beginning: One can only hope to win

warnings: language, angst, spoilers, graphic content

characters: Nanami Kento x fem!reader, Mahito, Yuuji Itadori

Chapter:3/?

_____________________________________________

Your footsteps are the only thing that can be heard in the abandoned building that used to host mental patients, aside from the wind rustling and cars honking in the distance. When Gojo texted you that he had a job very suitable for you, the last thing you expected was a creepy, empty asylum. You had done some digging as Ijichi drove you here. Apparently, it was built in 1972 by an ambitious psychologist named Ryū Saeki who aspired to help as many mentally ill people as he could.

His compassion made you smile at first, but that smile soon was replaced by a scowl. He was cruel to his patients, he chained them up and wouldn't feed them for days as a means to discipline them. The asylum's staff was equally as aggressive and heartless. Most of the people who lived or worked here died in a huge fire on 1998, whilst the four survivors were transferred elsewhere and eventually passed away. It seems like the cause of the fire was some Mr. Miyako, a pyromaniac, but no evidence was ever found of this doing. The file also says that he was one of the survivors, but no record of his death.

The reason why jujutsu sorcerers got a hold of this old case is that three men were found there last night, completely charred. Now, why sorcerers and not the police? Because these men were homeless, and so was the one who found them and reported it. Police brushed it off as an accident with oil barrels being used as a fireplace and causing an explosion, despite the man's constant claims of hearing a very strange noise when he found his burned friends. After all, who cares about a homeless madman when there are more glorious cases to focus on?

Naturally, jujutsu sorcerers are everywhere, even working as police officers. One of them spoke to the homeless man, realized what had happened, and from there the news spread quickly in the jujutsu world. The incident occurred close to your area, so you got called in to investigate.

The hairs on your neck rise as goosebumps spread all over your body. You smelled it the moment you entered the building; cursed energy. Just your field of expertise.

«Okay my sweet curse, we don't have all day.» You exclaim, looking around. The presence is everywhere, making it practically impossible to spot its exact location. You keep heading deeper into the asylum, silent insults flowing from your mouth with each step. Binging American Horror Story really did you no good.

You put your mind to think before the cursed spirit has its chance to strike first. How are curses formed? They are manifested from cursed energy as a result of negative feelings flowing out of humans. It's highly unlikable that it was the late men who caused the spirit's creation, so who?

Your hands instinctively move before your brain has the chance to comprehend what's going on. Your body twists so hard that you can hear the cracks of your spine as you tightly grasp the rusty pipeline to prevent it from colliding with your face. You easily overpower your assailant by kicking his shin and bringing the pipe down to his face hard enough to make him let go and fall to the dirty floor. You're quick to turn him around and immobilize him by tightly holding his hands behind his back. He grunts and struggles against your hold, but you're a trained sorcerer with years worth of experience and he's just a weak old man.

Somehow, it doesn't surprise you that Mr.Miyako is right in front of you, trying to bite your hands off even if they're on his back. If you had to guess, you'd say that he waited many years to finish the job he started in 1998, and these men were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and definitely the wrong number. Looks like Mr.Miyako had such hatred for the asylum that kept him from fulfilling his sick desires that tried to burn everyone in it alive, and after his failure, that hatred remained, accumulated, and created the cursed spirit which burned the three men, even if they weren't patients. The number was finally right.

The pyromaniac writhes beneath you, laughing hysterically. You groan in annoyance at the sudden appearance of a human. Unlike spirits, you can't just slice him up and call it a day. Instead, you snatch the pipeline and hit his nape, successfully rendering him unconscious. This should do.

Your ears perk up at the bizarre noise that seems to be getting closer and closer. You leap away from Mr.Miyako's body, carefully watching the thing you came here for hover over him. It's an ugly-looking thing, as all curses are. In the color of coal, quite large, with four hands and eyes all over its expanse. You take a fat guess the eyes are as many as the asylum patients. The cursed spirit inspects the unmoving man with much interest and in a blink, its eyes are on you. It makes a weird noise, like a choked scream, and points its big hands towards you.

Cursed energy flows inside you like fresh water. That's how it has always been; swift, refreshing. You can feel it reaching the furthest nerve in your body, filling your body with incredible energy and adrenaline. You mimic the spirit's move, bringing your hands in front of your chest. The raging fire that spews out of its open palm is no match for the invisible shield your cursed energy creates to protect you. Much like Gojo's Infinity, your Aspeda makes you pretty much untouchable.

The blazing hot flames stop after a while, but you've started moving many moments before that. You don't feel like getting your hands dirty, so you reach to your back and pull the Dore out of its case, a powerful Cursed Tool. It belonged to the Gojo clan but Satoru opted to gift it to you many years ago, saying he had dreamed of it being in your possession since its creation. Indeed, the black polearm moves in your hands like it was made to be held from you, allowing you to slice the curse in half.

As the spirit's blood starts staining the marble floor, you pull your phone out and dial Ijichi's number. You inform him of the unexpected gift you'd have to deliver to the police and ask him to come to take you as quickly as possible, not willing to spend another minute inside this place. Mr.Yoshino, despite his petite form, is quite heavy while unconscious. You make a mental note to never accept jobs from Gojo again as you stand outside, the man on your shoulders, waiting for Ijichi to arrive. A drop falls on your forehead and you audibly groan at the dark shade of the clouds. Great, standing in the rain is exactly what you need after all that.

You thank whatever Gods exist that Ijichi is a fast driver when you see his black car finally approaching. He helps you load the man into the truck and you both leave the asylum, driving towards the nearest police station.

{...}

After today's mission, you can't help but feel the need to plop into your bed and never get up. However, duty always comes first. Nanami had told you Gojo would introduce the two today, so now that your mind was off the mission, dread about his safety replaced the adrenaline from earlier. You reach for your phone on the nightstand and almost yelp at the sight of five missed calls from Nanami. He's not one to persist when you don't reply and besides, he knew you were on a mission. Why did he call you so many times?

Relief washes over you when he picks up after two beeps. He grunts softly and greets you, but you can hear past the tone he's using.

«Kento! Where are you, are you alright?», you quickly ask, biting your nails anxiously. He sounds like he's in pain. Your mind quickly goes through his program for today. He said he would be meeting Yuuji today, so you obviously assume that the boy lost control over the curse and Sukuna attacked Nanami.

«Don't worry, I'm fine. I'll come home soon and explain everything,» he says and you can hear him sigh. «Before you ask, no, Yuuji didn't do anything. He's not even with me, I sent him with Ijichi to investigate.»

Investigate what?

«Where are you? I can come and get you, just tell me.» you try again and you're already at the door before he can answer. You grab your coast and start putting your shoes on when he speaks.

«You don't have to. Really, I'll come over once I'm done with the paperwork, won't be long.»

If Nanami was anything, he wasn't a liar. He was terrible at it, and you could easily see past it. Just like now. Paperwork? Does he think you're that dense?

«Uh, right,» you can tell he knows you're not convinced, but you decide not to persist, «I'll be waiting for you. Don't be late, Ken.»

He hums and ends the call. The cold silence feels taunting to your ears. You're supposed to be out there, strolling through the city in hopes of sensing Sukuna's aura somewhere, but there's just no way in hell you're going out when Nanami is in that state. Instead, you run around the house in search of the first aid kit, and you prepare a makeshift hospital.

The look on Nanami's face when he sees you fully equipped to perform a surgery is priceless. He was true to his words and wasn't late, but your thoughts overwhelmed you. You pull the latex glove out of your hand and throw it in the trash, rushing to welcome him home.

You don't know what got over you, you just know that anticipation and worry were killing you. You jump and wrap your arms around his neck, your legs curling around his waist. Nanami tenses at your sudden movement and the hiss he lets out makes you try to get off, but he clings harder to you. With you still in his arms, he walks toward the couch and sits.

«I fought another unregistered Special Grade today,» he breaks the silence after a while, «he had transfigured humans and used them as weapons. He could also transform himself. I had to go into Overtime.»

You raise your head from his shoulder and stare at him. Another unregistered? Are they just spawning lately?

«You got hurt.» It's more of a statement than a question.

«Ah, yes. I had it taken care of, don't worry now. Just a scratch.» He's not lying. You can see it in his eyes. «That curse killed three people at the cinema and who knows how many more.»

«Did you kill it?»

«I hope so. Yuuji and I killed curses today, but it turned out to be transfigured humans. He did well, I know he has potential,» he mutters and closes his eyes, letting his head fall on the back of the couch. You caress his face and smile.

«You did well, too,» you press a kiss to his temple and get up «Stay there, I'll bring you some tea. I'll draw you a bath too, then I'll help you change the gauge.»

He hums in affirmation and you head to the kitchen. It doesn't take you long to pour some tea into a cup and place some sweets on the tray, but when you get back to the living room, Nanami is already gone.

like/reblog/comment if you liked it<3

[byeler]

🌻 + 🍭 for the fic writer asks! (i love love love your work so i am personally very excited to learn a bit more about your personal feelings towards writing - thank you for all you do!)

this is quite literally the cutest possible thing you could've said to me omg. thank you so much!! this is so sweet and kind and i'm definitely not crying shut up!!!!!

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

i know it's a cliche and everyone says this shit but the actual act of writing itself is for me and me alone. what i choose to publish is definitely influenced by other factors but i've been writing for as long as i can remember so i honestly don't think i'd ever give up writing for good. that said!! overall negativity in the fandom makes me a lot less likely to want to post anything. and it doesn't need to be directed towards me - i think i've been very lucky and have had overall positive feedback on my works, but seeing other creators get dragged down realllllly takes the wind out of my sails. i've been in several other fandoms before this one, but something about the byler community in particular is a lot more insular and a lot more demanding than other, bigger fandoms where there's a constant stream of new content and a wider spread of people both producing and consuming it. i'm gonna get off track if i get too into it, but when people get nasty and negative towards someone writing a fanfiction it's. um. not exactly inspiring.

honestly not 100% what exactly keeps me writing. it's definitely a way for me to process and probably my healthiest coping mechanism, but that's not really a conscious choice that i make. sometimes i just got shit to say so i say it to my documents folder lmfao

🍭why did you start writing?

mentioned this earlier but i just!! always have!! i was a huge reader even when i was very young, and that turned to writing my own stories very quickly. and even before i was actually writing them down, i would just make up all these stories that i'd tell my siblings before bed or i'd also just. lie a lot lmfao. i don't remember when exactly i started writing full-fledged, legible works but i have a thousand journals of half-finished novels scattered across my room that date back to when i first learned to literally write. i started because i've never known anything else!!

[crystalelemental]

It is with a heavy heart I must announce...I’ve started playing like three runs of Hades a day again.

I got it in my head that I wanted to try unlocking the additional story stuff for the gods and the various NPCs, and...I can’t say I’ve made a ton of progress.  Some, sure, but not as much as I was hoping.  It’s kinda drawn out.  The only people I can give Ambrosia to so far are Dusa, Ares (why?), and Poseidon.  This despite my constant efforts to get Artemis to be friends with me.  One day...

So most of this has focused on the runs themselves, and oh god, am I...really not very good at this game.  Like, I’m okay enough to get through it consistently on normal parameters, but adding Heat is a nightmare.

The easiest ones to take were the reduction in healing effects, and the extra hit you have to deal to enemies before their main HP bar appears.  These were pretty simple conditions...until I started having to pile on up to 5-6 Heat.  Then too much is being asked, because you have a bunch of other dangerous conditions in addition to limited healing, and if I don’t find my bro Dionysus, I can’t fix the healing issue.  Eventually, I came to a realization.  I can either keep bringing in a ton of detrimental effects that are a nuisance to get through, or I can put on the +20 move and attack speed of enemies condition and try to acclimate to the game playing faster, securing an easy +3 heat condition.

I cannot acclimate to this game playing faster.

I just attempted a run with the fists, with nothing but this condition.  I didn’t get fantastic damage dealing skills, but I got some okay ones, combined with HP stacking skills that let me hit over 400.  I lost all four lives on Hades’ fight.  Because he’s just too fast for me to deal with, when using these shitty fist weapons at close range, with limited boons.  To a degree, boons supplement and are what gets me through or not, but realistically my skill level just can’t handle that movement speed.  I need range.  I need range so bad.

On the plus side of things, I’ve gotten used to the bow.  Aspect of Chiron, I think, is the one with the homing shots on Special?  I adore that.  I put a lot into that particular skill, and it’s been fantastic.  If I can get a boon that stacks effects with Special, like stacks of Hangover or Chill with Burst, it’s ridiculous.  I love it.

On the negative side, apparently my best is still the gun.  This in spite of how much I fucking hate using the gun.  My big issue is that, unless you get one of a handful of weapon upgrades for it, the Gun winds up being complete trash.  The big one is Rocket Launcher.  If I can just make my special less stupid, I feel better.  But the other is the spread bomb.  That one isn’t like...as useful, but it is really funny.  The only other one that I’ve liked is one that gives +6 bullets and some extra attack damage.  But really, the problem with the gun is just that it’s annoying, fairly RNG dependent, and also the only one I’ve beaten 6 Heat with.  I think the next best is 4, and I have failed to do +3 with the fists.  I don’t really know how to feel about this.

I’ve also realized a sort of priority order for things.  Top of the list is weapon upgrades.  I feel like those are actually gamechangers in how good they can be.  Especially for the Gun and Bow.  Artemis’ Aid remains my #1 boon pick, while I’ve grown pretty fond of aiming for Dionysus, Ares, and in some cases, Zeus.  Though Zeus is very specific to piling on Jolted damage as well.  I’ve also taken to Chaos Gates early in the run.  Late in the run, the HP cost is a bit high, and I do not want to have detrimental effects in Elysium, but in early zones?  The benefits can be really nice.

Still plugging away at it.  I imagine one day I’ll even finish a sidequest!  But for now, I’m still just grinding away, trying to get everyone capped out on Nectar, at least.

[monsooninn]

Berakhot 3b: 29. "The Violin."

A new Object is created in this section, that of the Tana Issachar, to Hire the Hired Man, which means to employ male prostitutes.

"The verb תנה (tana) means to hire. The connotation of this verb seems disproportionately often negative, and usually having to do with prostitution. But it should be noted that even though nowadays we recoil in horror at the thought of prostitution, back in Biblical times the prostitute was one of the few social archetypes.

In the same way that a king could be known as a father (of all his people), and the nation as the mother (hence motherland), and the citizens as the sons, so a certain specific society could be known as a prostitute.

Obviously, this could be a society with many sons but typically no husband, that means no central government. Instead, this sort of society sways every which way the gettings are gotten, with no social identity or formal legislation or even military protection."

This process is strongly identified with King David who turned Prince Jonathon into a prostitute and used him as an onramp to the Crown of the Kingdom of Israel and through his apparent choice of delicacies and affinity with the military prostituted to the whole damn thing for the sake of defeating the Philistines and providing the people of Israel who at that time had no home to call their own.

Moses led the people to freedom pulling them by their noserings, David did it by pulling on something else. He was a ruthless killer and paved the way to the promised land through puddles of his enemies' entrails and body parts, but this is what had to be done.

The differereces in metaphors between David and Moses notwithstanding, both men used the Torah to argue for the supremacy of the Temple, of personal and national jurisprudence, and as the the most famous musician and poet in history David's reign suggests for the importance of the arts to the longevity of Hebrew society.

Moses was never a king or a governor, he never owned property. David did everything Moses did plus a few extras but neither had a lasting legacy. Documentation of how this affected the Jewish people and their hopes for Mashiach is why the Talmud was written.

Verse 29 describes how this hope is to become an environment in which all mankind is spared the curses of its ancestors:

29. David, Simana Hova Leah, said Rabbi Acha bar Bizna, Rabbi Shimon Hasida said:

A violin was hanging above David's bed, and since he reached midnight.

One night, a north wind came and blew on him and played music from him, immediately he was standing and engaged in the Torah until the pillar of darkness rose.

Because the pillar of darkness went up, the wise men of Israel came to him. They said to him: Our Lord the King, your people Israel need sustenance.

He said to them: Go and make a living from it. They said to him: There is no handful that satisfies the lion, and no pit is filled with his dust. He said to them: Go and spread your hands in the regiment.

There is no way to satisfy the lion of violence, only the lion of justice. We must come to understand this. We have never ever tried to live without violence not for any prolonged period of time. We have decided to be laissez faire with it and now this very bad habit means all of us are now a party to or a victim of it.

Though we love our US Military soldiers, the forces of darkness led by many of our own people are trying to guarantee they are fight on too many fronts at once, and there will one day be enough strain their agenda needs will be met and many many people will die.

Anytime a vile person or regime starts a fight, like George W. Bush, or Donald Trump, or Bashar Assad or Vladimir Putin, you send every ship, gun, plane, pair of boots and spare pair of hands and you kill them and their army before an intractable war starts.

George Bush is the only leader in history to employ this tactic, during the Gulf War and he stopped a kind of pre-World War 3 right then in about two weeks. We have allowed Ukraine, Syria, Israel, etc. to suffer for years and years and now American and European soils are now engaged in Defense Conditions.

President Biden is an oaf and a coward. If I were president that creeping, loathsome, shambling, illiterate savage Mitch McConnell would have already had a bullet in his head after all the criminal acts he's performed while in office. Now the cunt is getting compliments from our most dire enemy during a time we are at war. What a fucker.

And what is the President going to say when it come time to do what should have been done a long time ago? "Sorry I was late in protecting 13% of the world's food source and the people that produce it, we had a little trouble printing arrest warrants for a bunch of pedophiles who have obtained state power illegally? Whoops!"

We cannot dawdle over this. We Americans must relieve Ukraine and force the Russians off their land the same way George Bush forced Saddam Hussein out of Kuwait. We have to cleanse the US Gov of corruption and get the work of caring for the people done with efficacy. The Black Pillar, midnight before the Right Time is upon us and we must go into the uknown as the Mishnah says with the Music and the North Wind, what is hidden by God, the future at our backs.

Since we've thought about it, trained for it but never done it, we need to be willing to be Issachar, weak, but weak together in the name of defining the nation in the cause of the light. We need to rapidly employ ourselves to this cause and the outcome- peace on earth at last -will be the wages.

It's not quite as glamorous sounding as hiring a bunch of male prostitutes, but the premise underlying both is the same: take the money, the job albeit unpleasant at times has to be done.

The Values in Gematria for the above verses follow:

a. "David- a sign you are required to follow, meaning business with the men in the field, the lubrication of the stork."

The Value in Gematria is 3066,גאֶפֶסו‎‎ו‎, gapesou, "gather in peace in order to negate what is false and emphasize what is true."

"The particle ου (ou) — spelled ουκ (ouk) when the next letter is a vowel — is one of two common particles of negation; the other one is μη (me) and both happen all over the New Testament.

The difference between the two is that ου (ou) describes an objective negation and μη (me) a subjective one. The difference there is that a subjective negation says no to one of multiple options while an objective one disregards those.

A subjective negation has to do with condition, supposition or even aspiration, and is often part of constructions like "may it not happen" or "if not/ would not". Our particle ου (ou), on the other hand, describes an absolute and blunt non-existence without further review of alternatives — NO! — the opposite is ναι (nai), meaning yes (MATTHEW 5:37).

On occasion, these two particles of negation occur side by side, as μη ου (me ou), an interrogative expression (ROMANS 10:18, 1 CORINTHIANS 9:4). But, in the eloquence of Spiros Zodhiates, "in this combination, me is interrogative and the ou belongs solely to the verb following" (Complete Wordstudy Dictionary).

Note that while our modern Boolean sense of negation dictates that two negatives create one positive (not-no means yes), in Greek a double negation emphasizes it (no-no means absolutely not)."

b. A violin was suspended...the Value in Gematria is 4027, דאֶפֶסב‎ז‎, dafesbez, "Understanding comes out of the mouth of the faithful like lightning."

Bezek [N] [H] [S] lightning. The residence of Adoni-bezek, in the lot of Judah ( Judges 1:5 ). It was in the mountains, not far from Jerusalem. Probably the modern Bezkah, 6 miles south-east of Lydda.

c. The Pillar of Darkness went up...the Value in Gematria is 7415 זדאה‎, zada, "understand the brilliance of the Commandments."

d. The Regiment= the Value in Gematria is 7843, זח‎דג‎, zadahg, "the brilliance of the understanding of the brotherhood of mercury."

Hg in Judaism represents the god Mercury who traveled from the high realms to the low to plead for the poor and bring them hope. I cannot help but believe this Gemara is indeed telling us what to do with about this World War 3, even though we are not precisely sure how. Only that nothing will go wrong if we try back away from it and try to help the suffering it has left behind. Surely we yet have the money, manpower and technology available for this.

[carswreckersau]

Get Rid Of Your Scrapped Car To Cars Wreckers & Safeguard Environment Safety

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The ecosystem is significantly impacted as a result. Wreckers are the best solution to this issue because cars can’t be recycled because they are constructed of many different materials. Nowadays, Auto Wreckers Brisbane are widely spread, simple to identify, and significantly negatively impact the environment. Most Auto Spare Parts Brisbane offer payment on the spot but need to become trustworthy auto wreckers.

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source link: https://www.carswreckers.com.au/get-rid-of-your-scrapped-car-to-cars-wreckers/

[i-hope-youre-hopeful]

Just take a pause, John!

I saw John mulaney today. It feels weird and surreal and so cool. I think it’s fun to be excited about life enough to be excited about seeing famous people. And I was - I am. A part of me just can’t help but admire John Mulaney, in spite of all the stupid stuff he’s done and the different reputation he has now. There’s something about him that resonates with me. That’s true of a lot of people, I’m sure. That’s why he’s who he is. I obviously don’t aspire to be like him per se, but I want my mannerisms and my quickness and my humor to be like his. I want the way I respond to things to be like him, sometimes. In a way. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. My point is I got to be in the same room today as someone who I have looked up to in some way for a long time. Someone who I talk like, who I quote daily, whose face I’ve seen many times but never in person. It feels like seeing an old friend, but somehow for the first time. I think I never will get tired of that unique feeling of a parasocial relationship briefly colliding in a physical presence. It feels like how I felt when I saw SuperM, except thankfully I haven’t written horrible graphic fan fiction about John Mulaney kidnapping and mutilating me for fun with my friends. I can’t even imagine doing that, so I don’t know why I could do it with nct. I guess maybe it’s because he feels like a friend. Doesn’t matter.

I was very unhappy that Momma didn’t come. I feel this heaviness with everything concerning my mother. I say that it’s grief on her behalf, but I don’t know if that’s true. I say I’m sorry for her, but I don’t know if I am or if I’m just uncomfortable with her negative presence and I only want her to get better so she can stop poisoning my vibe. I worry I might be very selfish - in fact I’m sure I am. I worry I might be narcissistic. Evidently it runs in the family. I think I only do kind things to reduce discomfort within myself. I still don’t believe everything they tell me. Still I find myself believing more and more of it by the day. I don’t know what’s true. I just want the propaganda to stop. I want quiet. I want vindication. I want my friends. I want freedom. God, I want freedom. I want to be with him, but I can’t. That bothers me more and more by the day. I really must do something about it. Not today though. Never today.

Do you ever feel like you just want to split your whole body open down the center and crawl out of it? I feel like if I could just crack open my chest cavity I would come billowing out in a great cloud and I’d finally be free. I’d spread out across the air and take up the whole room. I am gigantic and I am trapped in something so small. I feel claustrophobic inside myself. I feel like I want to be freed. Oh, how I want to be freed. Free me! Open the cage door and release me! I don’t want to escape, only to come pouring out - to feel the relief of filling the whole space. I don’t want to run away. I want to flood the cracks in the floorboards and drain into the dirt while I gush out the doors and windows and fall in rushing rivulets down the walls. I want to sprawl all across the ground until I roll lazily into still puddles. I want to evaporate into the sky while I sink into the earth. I am air and ocean and wind and tide. I cannot be contained in a jar. Open the lid and let me breathe!

I am what you never were, and you are what I will become. You are a rock that steadies and sinks all at once. I am on fire burning from the inside out. It is eating away at me. It is eating me whole. It is eating me up and chewing me down and spitting me out. It is the past and the present and the future. It is pain and pleasure and all of it all too much all at once. It is fortune and fury, fire and flood. It is boiling in my lungs and bursting out through my ribs. It is prying open my chest cavity and clawing out through the center of my sternum. It is anger. It is hurt and frustration and furious disengagement. It is all too controlled. It is a ball of lava in my stomach and it is melting my midsection. Why have you put it here? Why must I carry it for you? Why can’t you just carry it yourself for once? I am burning up and I won’t stop until the flames swallow you too.

[lestwritewhilewaitingforajobcall]

The Odd Rumble of Thunder - Thor x Reader

(A/N)

Hey guys! I wanted to personally thank you all for the kind comments and messages, they really inspire me to continue writing more and the support truly means a lot! Also, I just found out how to access post replies, I apologize I haven’t gotten to reading them since my first story, I’m still trying to figure out the gist of things here on Tumblr! Anyways, recently I’d only been posting more on Poseidon, so here’s a special one for our Norse god of thunder (aka the god I simp for the most). This idea came to me while out on a camping trip, I hope you guys enjoy it! Feedback would really be welcomed and appreciated!

This is for entertainment only. Record of Ragnarok belongs to Shinya Umemura, Takumi Fukui and Ajichika. I also do not own you, the reader.

The Odd Rumble of Thunder

Thor x Reader

Even before the news spread like wildfire, Thor had become under the tyranny of a good habit to bringing his wife with him wherever he may go. It stood to reason that he would never be so careless to invite you over to danger, hence why, at a god’s ephemeral notice, he had stopped seeking direction for his combative side, but when, at last, he had to venture, he made much quicker work of it than when he would have otherwise.

Inarguably, if you’d wanted to lay down and rest instead, it was a surety you’d receive your meals in bed, unbothered. But for Thor there was no guarantee he’d ever have to worry about you, so the whole of Asgard knew by now he’d drop whatever he was doing to accompany you, uncaring about diplomacy in the first place.

Not that Odin nor Loki minded either; especially since the Allfather knew more about the concerns of a father expecting their first child. Moreover, Loki enjoyed shapeshifting into his cousin during days he was absent. It was much more fun to cause mischief legally, as he would say.

Today, Thor stood by his wife who sat comfortably in her rocking chair on the porch, allowing a full view of the hills that sloped gently down to the grand gardens. You were seven months along, approaching the eight month, the swell of your stomach now far more prominent.

At the very moment you had begun to show, you had a companion of whom would almost never leave your side, your husband’s absence in the kingdom gradually becoming more frequent, more lengthened, till at last his presence among his people became an exception. Despite your constant reassurances that you would be fine, Thor insisted on staying, casually sweeping aside your thoughts regarding his habitual sense of duty.

“I would only be gone for nine months to tend to my wife and child, they should fare well on their own lest they are more incompetent than I would’ve thought.” Thor had told you once before, and you’d decided not to question him further on that. You understood your husband’s concerns, to be truthful, you had a few of your own as well, so having Thor assist you alleviated some of the stress and worry concerning your child’s safety.

Especially now that you were nearing your due date. For instance, you were having the toughest time moving, suffering primarily from the weight in your belly and pains in your back and legs that made walking and even standing difficult. What made the physical strain worse too was your child’s eagerness to know you and Thor both, unable to stay long in one position, much like their father’s enthusiasm for battle.

“How are you feeling?” Thor’s question rested upon a rather precise calculation of the last time he had asked the same only a short moment before. It was quite visible in his actions that he did not want to cause any negative feelings if he could help it, though desiring you to avoid stress as much as possible.

You smiled. “Come close. You’ve been standing there for ages just ogling at me.” You opened your arms out wide. “Are you not tired?”

Truth be told, despite Thor’s constant need to remain close to his wife, he felt a real, undeniable fear of touching you, specifically, your abdomen. He closed the distance between until he was right in front of you, staring down at you with hard eyes. Longing leaped like a flame reaching out in his celestial yellow orbs.

“Love, I am always grateful for your concern for me. And I am feeling much better just knowing you’re beside me.” You raised yourself up, pushing against the chair to try to stand. Thor rushed forward, held you then put his hands under your arms to lift you up. Your child was growing fast. “But how about you? How are you feeling?”

You inched closer, your fingers playing with the locks of his hair that you could reach. “Aside from the stress of waiting, I’ve noticed that you have something else weighing on your mind.

“Tell me, what is it?”

At the sight of you through his warworn eyes, his mind was filled with bliss. For that loving glance of yours, he felt a divine presence and holy atmosphere that seemed to pervade everything around you. Having an inkling of what you were hinting at though, he broke your gaze, in an attempt to avert the guilt you conferred on him.

“Please. We’re in this together, I would want nothing more than to help you back as much as you’ve helped me.” Thor felt you shift in his arms, get more comfortable. He felt the bulk of your child across his legs, the weight no doubt pulling you down. Seeing you in pain like that, was sad and unbearable, and the gnawing feeling grew stronger. And since he knew you were always so full of strength and determination, always unrelenting in your attempts to make him feel better, he began,

“I am afraid.” Red eyebrows drew together.

“Afraid of what?”

“That I might accidentally hurt you and our child,” Thor took a deep breath in then let it out in a sigh while taking a step back. “I do not want that to happen, even if I want to be at your side at all times. And this frustrates me to no end.”

Thor did himself a favor by giving attention to anything other than his wife, refusing to be a witness on the sadness and any he may have caused. Dealing with his own disappointment was nothing new, but he had trouble dealing with the fact that he was the cause of yourpain. He wished he could take his troubles which escaped, hanging in the air, and all the bad feelings on himself and let things continue as they were, but he knew it didn’t work that way. You needed to know that he only wanted you and your child safe and protected, even from himself.

He could not understand how the cosmos could play such a cruel joke on the both of you: you, bore so much pain because of one of the greatest affairs of life, and him, the strongest deity in the Pantheon, was powerless against the natural laws of existence.

Strong shoulders slumped, head bowing as stray strands of red hair fell over Thor’s brow. Not again. He did not wish to be reminded of the cautious sympathy his father and cousin had approached him with. His stomach lurched whenever the subject of your frailty came up. Dread and a terrifying fear overwhelmed his soul for the first time, the thought of losing you−

“Hey,” Your voice which lingered on the gentle breeze brushed against Thor’s face, pulling him out of his stupor. He refocused, turning his gaze onto your sweet face.

How were you able to hold yourself up well despite your obvious pain and suffering? Did you not bear the same nervousness as he did? The answer was obvious, practically screaming in Thor’s ears but became deaf following his guilt and clouded instincts. For a long time since you’d first told him about the news, he bore these worries in silence; but when at length he’d been perplexed by your introspection−or seeming lack of it. Why, in fact, did you concern yourself with him at all? Compared to you, there was hardly any threat to his own life posed. Why had you always done more to make him feel better when you were the one who needed it most?

Cutting through the haze he found himself in was the shape of you, or maybe your hair billowing in the wind, a wisp of it across your face, and then suddenly the feel of your skin, the sense of your head on his chest. Even if it were fleeting, that alone brought him the possibilities of comfort that he’d so needed. Oh, how he missed this; you cupped his big callously marble hands around yours, caressing them so tenderly, as if he were fragile and might break, so short it could never be pulled back.

As he relished the warmth of the blaze you gave him for the winter of unease, he’d realized much sooner that the coldness that inched its icy fingers up his spine still threatened to battle your kind words, you, his very own wife, and he detested himself for being unsure whether or not it was of his own doing; was he pushing you away when you’d only wanted to offer your help?

Thor’s immediate impulse was to pull back from you, abruptly halted by your fingers which slipped between his now splayed hand. You wrinkled your nose in a delightfully unguarded manner that caused his breath to hitch in his throat.

“Do you remember the first time we said our vows?” If only you knew the way Thor perceived you: in his eyes, your radiant smile reflected the morning sunlight of Valhalla, for a split second picturing the moment you’d walked down the aisle, that headpiece on your head instantiating the paradox of mystery that once lifted revealed your beautiful face, marking it the best day of his long life. Something warm bloomed in his chest once again and spread its heat out through every vein in his body. He remembered the smooth feel of the veil against his cheek after sealing your promise with a kiss, his lips parting with a breathless sigh.

“Your hands caressed my fit of nerves with light, tender touches and then inspired me with hard, passionate embraces,” With effortless ease, you lifted your intertwined hands to your mouth and kissed his knuckle. Thor watched with great admiration your every move, the desire to distance himself was now but an afterthought. Nothing would ever separate him from you when all you’d ever done was pull him closer than ever.

Then, you sought out his hand, kissing his palm as he stroked your face. You clung onto his arms, gripped at his chest as if you were searching for warmth, as if you needed his touch, and much like him, couldn’t bear to be even an inch away. His mind was still slowing its racing to let him mutter something in response, so he allowed himself to be entranced by how smooth and sure of yourself you were, with nothing to mar the calm serenity of your features. Your smile seemed to be a natural adornment, the utter gentleness in your eyes, reminded him of every morning when he woke up, he would see you by his side, as well as your sleeping snoring face. Right at that moment, the silly scream finally made it to the deaf god’s ears:

He was your haven,

The place you called home and went to find peace.

As Thor immersed himself in your smell, your sparkling eyes, he felt the excruciating cold all melt away in your warmth. No more seeds of doubt with which to sow and seek his destiny. Slowly, he began to see his surroundings from a keener point of view, realizing, then appraising them: from the passing wind your hair messed which he pushed aside, tucking it behind your ear, to how his sash seemed to fit him better indeed, rather than cling onto his skin even tighter as brutally as it had done before. He noticed the minute changes since he’d last taken a good look at you months ago: a little flusher on your skin, lines around the eyes a little deeper, a little increase in body temperature.

He pulled you closer, his actions not arising from calculation instead led by instinct. You let him take more of your weight, your belly pressed against his stomach as you sighed, his fingers working wonders on massaging the muscles that had been much abused in carrying the baby’s weight. A sudden wrenching through his sash struck Thor’s heart and had him holding his breath.

The baby had moved, and he’d felt it.

Bending down, he buried his nose in your hair, closing his eyes as he drank in your scent. Your arms wrapped around his back as he connected in this loving embrace, feeling his heart beat in rhythm with your own.

“Our child would no doubt love to be enveloped in their father’s safe arms,” With a light, gentle touch, your fingers ran through Thor’s hair, making him shiver with delight.

On that day, only the beautiful gardens of Asgard became privy to nothing more than a moment in which husband and wife reached for the same comfort and their concerns met. These gardens were simultaneously the very same place where Thor had first avoided the problems that plagued his mind, but also became exactly the same place where he’d find solace in the arms of his lovely wife.

Resting his hand on where his child was, he recognized that familiar feeling turning up, but upon realizing the bittersweet irony of and within these gardens, the revelation came to him: happiness could also come from the very object of fear.

And as you had an unmovable trust in him, there was an unspoken mutual understanding that he too, should put his trust in you.

[kroerms]

Lifeline

Oneshot || pairing: kenma x reader (gender neutral, but I tried to stay clear of any pronouns)|| genre: angstisch, hurt/comfort ||

warnings: depiction of depression/ symptoms of a depression || if I forgot to mention something, please feel free to tell me...

a/n: sooo, this is my very first fanfic since like 2013, please be gentle with me haha

y/n: “I’m sorry, but I can’t make it to our date today…”

Kenma: “What do you mean you can’t make it? We planned this for over a week and are supposed to meet up in an hour...I’m already out of my house…”

y/n: “I’m really sorry, I just can’t.”

You sighed, tossed your phone next to you on the bed and pressed the pillow closer to your chest.

You couldn’t really pinpoint what triggered all these negative feelings. But your whole life there have always been these days where you felt completely drained of energy and the negativity of your own mind played tricks on you. You had always called it your “social battery” being empty. But in reality, it was more than just that. It was more than just not wanting to see your friends or family. It was a consuming tiredness paired with negative thoughts and sadness rooted deep within your very heart. Days like these would come and go, you learned that over the years, which is why you preferred to be alone on those days because you didn’t want to burden anyone with your pointless feelings. Sure, sometimes those feelings would almost consume you completely and would persist for weeks, but you always managed to handle them one way or another. You knew this all too well, you had had to deal with this part of yourself since your early teens after all and now that you were 28 it just didn’t seem like you were ever to grow out of it like your parents used to say you would. It wasn’t their fault though, since you never really talked about what it felt like to anyone after your so called friends seemed to dismiss it as just you being lazy and so your parents thought your tendency to hang in your room and lay in bed all day was just due to hormones. And you always felt like no one would believe you anyways and you weren’t prepared for all the follow up questions that would drain the last bit of energy you had, and so you stopped explaining yourself altogether.

You’ve known Kenma for a while now. The two of you started to form a friendship after you accidentally took his coffee order from the barista because he had ordered your usual. And with your head always being in the clouds you had just heard “vanilla latte” and without waiting for your name to follow the order you’d taken the beverage.

“Uhm, excuse me but I think this is supposed to be mine - well unless your name is Kenma as well, but I highly doubt that”, a monotone voice next to you spoke. Your gaze shifted from the to-go-cup in your hand to the man beside you. The faux blonde with the dark roots and the almost bored facial expression stood next to the take-out section of the coffeeshop, switch in one hand and the other in the pocket of his red tracksuit.

“Oh, I’m very sorry, I must have zoned out again. I sometimes get stressed in overly crowded places and tend to lose myself in my thoughts to calm down aaaand I just overshared, didn’t I?” You bowed slightly and handed the man in front of you his drink just as the barista called out your name with a “vanilla latte” attached to it. You quickly turned around to take the coffee so that Kenma wouldn’t notice the slight blush that spread over your cheeks from the embarrassment.

“y/n’s a pretty name, suits you.”, Kenma said, flashing a slight blush of his own as the words left his lips. “Well thank you...Kenma was it?”. The faux blonde nodded slightly. An awkward silence infolded the two of you. Just as you wanted to excuse yourself so that you could finally leave this utterly embarrassing situation, Kenma spoke up again: “well if you want to make it up to me for almost stealing my drink, I’d really appreciate a piece of apple pie from the bakery down the road. If that’s not too crowded for you.”

After that encounter, the two of you quickly grew closer and developed a bond to one another. Just like you, Kenma enjoyed lazy days at home gaming or watching movies together more than going out on adventures. So the two of you would often hang out at his house playing Mario Kart together or you’d watch movies on your projektor at yours. Sure, occasionally the two of you would go out to get something to eat or to watch his friends at a volleyball game, but these outings were rare. And it was because of those cozy little hangouts that you never once had to cancel plans with him, thus not once did you have to explain to him why you didn’t have the energy to go out and do stuff….well at least until today.

The familiar wave of guilt washed over you for not telling him why you had to cancel on such short notice. But you really didn’t have the energy to explain that your inner demons had taken control over your body and mind today. You were already feeling exhausted because work had been hell the last couple of weeks and it didn’t help that seemingly everyone in your family needed something from you which resulted in you spending your off-time after work either at your fathers house or your mothers. This left little to no you-time to relax and recharge yourself.

It was now near lunchtime on your well deserved day off and Kenma and you had plans to check out the new cat café that opened up just a few blocks from your home. But you hadn’t even made it out of bed, let alone under the shower yet. The comfort of the warm blankets was just too good. The mere thought of leaving this safe haven stressed you out and you had to hold yourself back from crying. You felt so overwhelmed with the world today that you couldn’t entertain the thought of participating in anything right now. All you wanted - no - needed to do was sleep until that heavy feeling on your chest would lift off and let you breathe again.

Just as you were dozing off, you heard your doorbell ring. You didn’t expect a package or anything today, so you didn’t exactly know who would want something from you right now.

Wrapped in your pink aristocats pijama and your very wild bedhead you padded to your door. What you didn’t expect while looking through your peephole was Kenma, standing in front of your apartment, arms full of paper bags.

“Open up, these are heavy you know! I know you’re standing behind the door.”

You took a deep breath before opening the door to let Kenma in. He immediately made his way to the kitchen, where he placed all the bags on the countertop before looking at you.

His gaze was intense. With what seemed like worry in his eyes, he scanned over your tired form.

“What’s wrong y/n?”, he asked.

“Nothing, I’m just tired, didn’t sleep enough last night I guess, but it’ll be better by tomorrow, so you really don’t have to worry about little old me”, you meekly said in an attempt to lighten the mood. You tried giving him the most reassuring smile you could manage, but it didn’t reach your eyes. You knew he noticed by the way his gaze softened. In one swift motion Kenma pulled you into his chest and cradled your head with one hand, while the other found its way around your waist, pulling you closer into him in the process. This took you by surprise, since Kenma and you didn’t really hug a lot.

“Tell me what’s really wrong y/n. I can clearly tell that you are not okay. You are a measly liar”, he whispered into your hair. Damn him and his observation skills, you thought. Well, this is it, you couldn’t hide that part of yourself from him any longer. You were scared to open up to him about that part of yourself, the fear of losing him because he didn’t want to deal with someone as broken as you are was immense.

“y/n?” Kenma spoke up again. You must’ve lost yourself in thought again, you didn’t even notice the tears that slipped past your eyelids and were making their way down your cheeks, before coming to a halt at your chin.

“I’m s-sorry, I - I don’t want to w-worry you… I just, I feel so tired and I f-feel like my battery is completely e-empty. I don’t feel like I c-can handle anyone, including m-myself right now. I j-just want everything to s-stop. I am exhausted, I feel like I a-am drowning within m-myself and t-there seems to b-be no lifeline”, you sniffled into Kenma’s chest. His hold on you tightened at that. He knew you got overwhelmed in crowds sometimes and that you preferred quiet, lazy meet-ups at home over going out. It was one of the reasons why he liked you so much, you didn’t expect him to be outgoing and you always accepted him for the person he was. He knew you were someone who liked their personal time and that the world, especially the people living in it would overwhelm you sometimes, but he had never seen you like this. Small, so fragile, almost as if you crumbled within yourself. As if the slightest blow of wind could knock you over and break you.

“Do you want me to leave? I brought food from that new café. I can just leave it here and go, if you need time to yourself…” Kenma said.

You were torn. On one hand, you really didn’t have the energy to entertain someone right now. But Kenma felt so warm and his embrace made you feel secure. As if the world couldn’t get to you as long as he held you like this. So you tightened your hold on him and shook your head lightly.

A small smile appeared on Kenma’s face.

“Alright, how about you go lay down on the couch then, while I unpack the food and we watch some cheesy movie together?”

The thought of leaving Kenma’s arms didn’t please you at all but you obliged and went to your couch in the open living room. You watched as Kenma started unpacking of cake slices, sandwiches and chocolates out of the bags. He even brought avocado-onigiri. Your favorite. After he displayed everything on plates he came over to put the food and two lemonades on the coffee table. He sat down next to you and turned on your TV. He started your favorite rom-com before he pulled you close to him again so that your head was resting on his chest. As the movie went on, he started to stroke your hair with his hand, while the other was on top of your arm that was draped over his torso. This was still very unfamiliar to you, but it felt nice.

“You know, you never have to hide your feelings from me. Not even the negative ones. I know I sometimes seem a little distant and I am not very open about my own feelings either but you mean a great deal to me and I’m always gonna be here for you. Even when you feel like drowning, I’ll always be a lifeline for you to hold on to. And I know I can’t fix everything, but I’ll try my best to help you with fixing what needs to be fixed.” he whispered softly. You closed your eyes, new tears forming in them making your eyelids heavy. Even if all those inner demons were loud within you, Kenma’s voice and reassuring words slowly drowned them out and you finally felt a bit of the weight on your chest getting lighter. You knew you had to work on these things and you would need more than just Kenma, you’d need professional help to cope with all of this, but with Kenma by your side like this, you felt like anything was possible. Before you dozed off in Kenma’s embrace you whispered back: “thank you so much for being here”.

[astro-pioneer]

I can't stop thinking about knight!Dain only protecting one person of royalty that he loved and they both get cursed-

yeah, wrute it ❗😃

Your Sword and Shield 『Dainsleif』

The royals were the highest priority - "Protect the heir above everyone else" was his only direct order as the Twilight Sword. But yet, when the gods descended and destroyed Khaenri'ah while he did as ordered, both got punished. And now, both search the world for the other. | We Will Be Reunited spoilers | Angst to fluff (somewhat)

Oh lordy anon I just- ugh. This has been marinating in my thoughts ever since it was revealed all because I thought of ball dancing with him. Plus Dain is a beauty of a man who would treat you right and no one can tell me otherwise. This went a different way then how I thought of it but that's just because I can't properly write my thoughts lmao. Yikes I got tired of this for some reason lmao I'll do a part two that focuses more on (Y/N) travelling with Aether after the whole shebang happened so stay tuned for that (:

The Twilight Sword's job was to protect the nation and population of Khaenri'ah. But, at the same time, it was also to put the heir of the royal family first, as he was a royal guard first and foremost. It was so conflicting and, no matter which choice was made, there would always be a negative aftermath. Dainsleif was aware of that and told himself that he'd never allow his personal feelings influence his actions.

He lied to himself.

Soft music travelled through the big, barren room. Only two people were in there. They didn't perform any exaggerated movements like someone normally would doing a dance, but instead bathed in each other's company. "Darling, I feel as though there will be war in the near future with the gods and us. When that time comes, please put the citizens before me." If only the couple knew how near that future would be. Maybe he wouldn't have lied to his lover, too.

That following night, the blond watched as the curse bestowed upon him just moments ago spread from their back and up their neck. Just to spite Dainsleif even more, the gods made it spread down their left arm, the opposite of where it went on him. The pained screams of the other filled their heads, echoing whenever a moment of silence comes onto them.

Looking back at it while waiting for Aether to meet back with him from talking to Boreas, he realized just how twisted the incident was. He did his job as a royal guard; he protected the royal he was assigned to. After all, orders given by superiors always overruled the ones you originally had. And yet here Dainsleif was, donning a cursed arm and no luck in finding his lost eternal companion.

(Y/N) was somewhere in Teyvat - somewhere in Mondstadt, and the archons be damned if they don't expect him to tear apart this nation to find them. But, before all that, he has to accompany the outlander and his child companion to inhibit another one of the Abyss Order's plans.

"The first Field Tiller," a person donning clothes similar to those Dainsleif wears whispered to themselves, "forced to sit and face the reason it's origin was destroyed." They, too, turned to where the machinery was facing, gazing up to the floating island. "Celestia..."

The breeze erupting from the still harsh wind barriers of the ruins hit their face, causing them to close their eyes and enjoy the moment for a while. "Your creation was the topic of multiple people's conversation for a long time, Tiller, my family being no exception. I remember watching you in action; you flattened an area the size of these ruins with no damage. But, when mass produced after your success, the other machines were much weaker and less efficient. Perhaps that's why we fell under the threat of the gods." They spat out the title like it was venom. "If only they took more time with the future models and made it more like you, we would've been able to set them all loose into the battlefield.

"And yet here I stand in front of you, talking about all the 'what if's instead of a 'what now?' and acting like I can go back and change what happened to us. There are two other people from Khaenri'ah in this nation, but one wants to stop what has become of my people and the other is conflicted on the original orders given by someone I do not know of. While I do not know what to do. My darling is fighting the Abyss Order, and perhaps that is the rightful path. After all, this world has changed, and only a small few are not dependant on the Seven. That rules out trying to recreate Khaenri'ah. Besides, no one would react orderly to a nation without a god, and the citizens of that nation would refuse to work with the land ruled by the Seven. A war would break out all over again. Besides, my people have gone so far down into whatever madness they fell in that they probably do not remember what it originally was."

They knew nothing would be near to listen to their vocal thoughts, but yet they stopped in favour of silently reminiscing. The scent of despair, corruption, and bloodshed was nearing, and yet they didn't move. "Perhaps I've prolonged our reunion for far too long..." A smile that showed the pain of 500 years of torture appeared on their face.

Paimon held her hands to her face as the trio got closer to the Field Tiller, "Oh, Paimon's got a bad feeling about this..." And yet, they still went in, stopping at the Statue of the Seven before Paimon stopped them again. "Wait! Who's that person?" She gasped then, "Are they a part of the Abyss? Are they here for the eye?"

With one look, Dainsleif knew who it was. "I can assure you, that person is one of the last people you can expect to be a part of it." He tore his eyes off of them, turning to look at the concerned face of Aether and scared Paimon. "Well then, let us go check." To believe he allowed his front to drop just enough for Aether to catch. He clicked his tongue before leading the way up.

(E/C) eyes with primogem-shaped pupils revealed themselves to the world once again. The same as those of Dainsleif, Aether connected. "(Y/N)..." The taller blond breathed, forcing himself to not go over immediately. Who knows how much they changed in the 500 years they were separated?

"Hello, darling. I wish we could've reunited under less life-altering events, but..." The rest went unspoken but the two knew what they meant. "I do not know if the eye is still in here, but this is indeed the Field Tiller."

Paimon gasped, pointing a finger. "How'd you know what we were looking for?!" (Y/N) arched an eyebrow at the floating companion.

"An abyss mage left behind a talisman which was presumably meant for one of his superiors. It spoke of the Guardian of the Vortex and a "Defiled Statue" as well as the Field Tiller's eye. But yet, despite being reassured I'm not a threat, you still assume until given proof. That's good."

"'His'? I've never heard of someone use those pronouns for abyss mages. Or any, now that I really think about it." The smile was melancholic and filled with sorrow Aether only saw in the reminiscent ones of Venti and Zhongli. Paimon understood to drop the subject. "Anyway, use elemental sight to see if the eye is in there!"

Dainsleif's and (Y/N)'s capes waved in the breeze as Aether couldn't find the eye. It was on there, however. When it was extracted, (Y/N) couldn't help but analyze and compare it to the other tillers they themselves looked inside of. However, they didn't dare touch it or disagree with the decision to leave it with their significant other. A gem gleamed in the sunlight.

"Would you like to go with us (Y/N)?" For the first time Aether talked to them. "We're going to the place with the Defiled Statue if you were interested."

And just like how Dainsleif agreed to join Aether for any commissions with the Abyss, they looked into his eyes, "Sure." It was when they started the trek from the waypoint to the cavern that the two finally interacted fully. "I'm glad to see you're safe," their voice was the same tone they held when they spoke of the war of Khaenri'ah, going miles while their words only spoke of their feelings. Corrupted hands interlaced together for the first time.

[awanderingtortoise]

a/n: first of all, i would like to thank my genius brain for answering the ask this stemmed from privately, therefore losing all access to it and anything i typed in reply. i would also like to thank google docs for housing the backup copy of this fic, ensuring my panic lasted only half the time it could have. finally (and the only serious thing here) ty to @nabrizoya for giving this idea during my 'i cant write banter only dad jokes help' panic, i loved it and wrote far more on it than i expected.

laughter in the rain

ao3

word count: 2.1k of pure fluff and crack

blurb: in which Nikolai is much too found of puns while Zoya is the polar opposite, and a young, incredibly chaotic Squaller child wreaks absolute havoc on literally everything.

(from tumblr ask: how about nikolai interacting with zoya's students and them finding nikolai's dad jokes funnier than zoya does (though she does secretly enjoy them)

----

Zoya knew she was in for it when she agreed to teach Damyen to summon lightning. Possible consequences listed themselves in her head without regard for her anxiety: Getting half her hair burned off. An emergency fire drill, minus the drill, at the Little Palace. Possibly a few roasted pigeons falling from the sky. The ten-year old Squaller was undeniably one of her most gifted students, possessing a striking talent for both the Small Science and utter chaos. Unsurprising, really, considering the child both worshiped Nikolai and had a disposition remarkably close to the latter’s. Zoya’s rant on the young Grisha amused him to no end.

“A miniature me,” Nikolai mused, glancing thoughtfully at Zoya as he sat on the edge of their bed. “And shaping up to be quite the handful.”

“You have no idea,” she grumbled, brushing out a stubborn tangle in her hair, eyes still bleary from her slumber or lack thereof. She’d slept terribly and dreamt her kefta had been on fire. Though she was never much for fortune-tellers or prophetic hogwash, she had an inkling this particular dream would soon be reality. “You could be brothers with how much you have in common. Insubordinate. Endless chatter. Utterly chaotic.”

“Handsome?” Nikolai suggested, inspecting his boots before putting them on. “Charismatic and startlingly intelligent? Really, my dear; you don’t have to be quite so negative.”

“I’m likely about to be set on fire. I have every right to be negative.”

“Now, now,” He said soothingly. “I’m sure it will be a very- enlightening experience.”

Zoya froze mid-brush stroke, turning to give him a withering glare. “Nikolai,” she hissed.

He grinned. “Yes?”

“We have talked about this.”

“Have we?”

“No more puns,” Zoya ordered. For every joke Nikolai in his love for infuriating humor could crack, these were the worst. The only people in the palace that found them amusing were Tolya and Nikolai himself. Which meant, of course, that Tolya was the only one Nikolai didn’t subject to this banal torture.

“Why?” Nikolai whined. “I find them rather electrifying, don’t you?”

She slammed her brush onto the table and stalked towards him, seizing his wrist. “I will blow you out the window. I will tie you to a tree and let Damyen use you for target practice.”

“From the sound of him, he wouldn’t dare. He loves me.”

“He’s also remarkably similar to you and has every ounce of your taste for drama. He might, and if he doesn’t you have my word that I will do it myself.” Zoya let her eyes flash silver, static crackling in the air.

“Alright,” Nikolai sighed, unperturbed by the display. “Fine. I concede. It’s but a trifle. A storm in a teacup, if you w- ow !”

She had sent a small shock through his arm, and now scoffed at the reaction to her handiwork. “Consider this a warning,” she sniffed, before turning to leave the room. “I have a Squaller to teach.”

“Storming off, are we- ow- ”

Only once the door was safely slammed behind her did she let her frown shift, lips quirking upwards. “Damnable idiot,” she muttered, smile clear in her voice.

“You love me for it,” Nikolai called from inside the room.

Zoya scowled. She’d need to have the walls thickened.

-----------------------

To Zoya’s right, a flock of very terrified and slightly singed geese squawked and took to the skies. Their nest lay in a steaming pile of ash. She raised a single eyebrow at her pupil. “Damyen, this is-”

“Awesome!” He cackled, gathering the ash in his hands and tossing it in the air like confetti. The flakes drifted down, settling in Zoya’s hair and eyelashes.

“I was going to say dismal. I do not recall asking you to set birds on fire. Your aim is terrible.”

“But I shot lighting!” He stared at his fingertips with such utter reverence for himself that Zoya didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“If you want to shoot lighting without setting your friends alight, I’d suggest you learn to hit your mark,” She said as sternly as possible. He’d picked up on the skill remarkably quickly, in all honesty, and the currents he summoned were more than good for a start. She was impressed, but her approval would only be gained with sufficient effort. And after more than a few sharp comments. “You aim worse than a blind mole rat. Again.”

Damyen sighed but brought his hands together once more, brow knitting in concentration as lightning began to form in his palm. Strands of his bronze hair fell onto his face and he squinted through them at the target. Adjusted his hands. Squinted again.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Zoya muttered. “Perhaps you’re waiting for the Saints to come riding down on a shiny chariot?”

He snorted, apparently genuinely amused, then let the bolt fly. At the same moment, a golden-haired figure strolled into the lightning’s path.

Zoya shrieked, hurtling a gust of wind towards Nikolai and blowing him to the ground. The streak of electricity slammed perfectly into the target’s center, setting the whole thing aflame.  Damyen whooped, throwing up his hands and sending wind blowing every which way; scattering leaves into the air as Nikolai groaned and swore from his spot in the grass.

“Hello,” He said weakly. “Atmosphere’s rather charged around here, don’t you think?”

She huffed and pulled him to his feet, glaring daggers.

“No shocks,” Nikolai noted.

“I may change my mind. Care to explain yourself, Lantsov? In the habit of trying to kill yourself?”

“I hardly need to try. I’m a magnet for life threatening situations. Though I’ll admit that today it was a personal decision.” He beamed, spreading his hands. “I simply wanted to help you make good on your threat.”

Zoya rolled her eyes. “Why are you here? Has something come up with the Fjerdans? Did the Kerch renegotiate the trade-”

“Zoya, Zoya, Zoya,” Nikolai sighed, tucking a wayward lock of hair behind her ear. “You worry too much.”

“I worry exactly the right amount for this fickle country. Answer the question, or I truly will have him target you.”

“Is it so hard to believe I came here only to see you?”

“Yes.”

“You wound me. But if you must know, I thought I could be of some assistance.”

“As target practice?”

He wrinkled his nose. “I’ve had quite enough of that. As a mentor. As a bribe, perhaps; for your little firecracker over there.” He glanced at Damyen, still stripping trees of their hard-earned leaves and seemingly unaware that he’d nearly killed his beloved idol.  “You seemed like you could use some help.”

She raised her chin disdainfully. “I am perfectly capable of wrangling the little-”

A loud crack sounded and the sky darkened rapidly, clouds swarming over their heads as rain began to pour furiously in a matter of seconds. A few meters away, a bright flash enveloped a tree, sending the trunk bursting into flames.

“Damyen!” Zoya screeched.

The boy stared at her, wide-eyed and grinning in a mix of elation and fear. “I made a storm, Your Highness!”

“Congratulations. Now do you mind stopping before you kill us all?”

“But I-” His eyes found Nikolai and realization set in as he beamed and the rain poured even harder. “Your Highness- es !”

Another boom, and a second, larger tree was wreathed in electricity and fire. It groaned, wobbling dangerously before crashing to the ground.

Nikolai’s brow furrowed, squinting against the pouring rain. “That,” he started. “Was a centuries-old sacred cypress planted by the first Lantsov kings. Now firewood. Impressive.”

Damyen’s chest puffed with pride.

“You can fawn over each other later,” Zoya snapped. “Damyen, enough with the storm. Turn it off before you start a forest fire.”

He grinned sheepishly. “How?”

She muttered obscenities, raising her hands and dispelling the clouds with a flick of her wrists. The sky cleared, small patches of pouring rain left to quell the still-burning trees as Nikolai whistled appreciatively, clapping; and Damyen gave a small bow. Saints, these two would be the death of her.

“So,” Nikolai said, soft enough that Damyen couldn’t hear. “Changed your mind?”

She sighed. “Fine. Make your attempt. You’ve always loved trying your hand at the impossible.”

“Improbable,” he corrected, then strolled over to Damyen, running a hand through the golden strands plastered to his forehead. Soaking wet and almost cooked alive, and he still looked every bit the regal prince; she thought, a grudging, now-familiar fondness rushing through her like a horrible, tooth-rotting sweet. She scowled.

“Lovely morning,” The prince greeted. Damyen bent over in a hasty bow, but Nikolai waved his hand. “No need. Are you the wonderfully gifted Squaller her Highness speaks of so highly?”

Zoya snorted, but Damyen’s eyes practically doubled in size. “She does?”

“Oh, yes,” Nikolai said seriously. “You’re quite talented, I hear.” He lowered his voice to a theatrical whisper. “Just between the two of us,” muttered Nikolai, very much loud enough for Zoya to be able to hear. “I think you remind her of herself, when she was your age.”

She opened her mouth; ‘What utter bullshit,’ already on the tip of her tongue but Nikolai raised a gloved finger, eyes twinkling. With much effort, she clamped her mouth shut.

Damyen seemed he might faint on the spot. Nikolai went on. “Really, there’s quite a lot you two have in common. Powerful. Willful. In possession of a rather strong attachment to me.”

The young Grisha was eating up his words. Zoya wanted to strangle the both of them.

Nikolai took a seat on a faintly smoking tree stump. “You seem to have quite a lot going on for you, learning to summon lighting and all. A rather current affair, don’t you think?”

The silence seemed to stretch on infinitely. Then Damyen gave a toothy grin and guffawed far, far louder than that sorry excuse for a joke deserved.

“Oh for Saints’ sake, Nikolai,” she groaned, shoving her face into her hands.

“Zoya, dear; no need to thunder about like that,” Nikolai said soothingly. Damyen bit his cheek in an attempt to control himself, but whatever smidgen of respect he had left for her kept him silent for barely a second before he burst into a fit of giggles.

Zoya threw her arms up in frustration and from the clouds a deep, deafening roar answered her-- how’s that for thundering, you nincompoop-- as the sky flashed once more, bright streaks lacing every cloud in an intricate web. Damyen’s gleeful expression faltered at the sight but Nikolai only grinned wider, patting Damyen on the shoulder before standing and holding a hand out to catch the rain.

“Don’t let her dampen your spirits,” he called sagely over the rumble, and it took a good amount of self control not to smite him on the spot.  Nikolai flashed a thumbs-up at the boy before jogging over to the spot where Zoya stood, arms crossed and glaring. He clasped her hand in his, opening his mouth to speak.

“Not one word,” she warned. “Not a single pun or I will have Tolya read you every Ravkan epic in existence while dangling you off the palace roof.”

“No puns,” he promised. “For now. I only ask that perhaps you let the sun shine through-”

“I will not sugarcoat my instructions for whatever reason.”

“The storm, my dear,” he said gently. “Not your teaching methods. We’re nearly soaked through.”

She glanced towards his dripping sleeves and the damp fabric of her own kefta. “Fine,” Zoya muttered grudgingly, raising her free hand to call away the storm and let the clouds fade to fog. “But enough of this foolery. I can’t have Damyen running around being able to summon lightning and having no idea how to wrangle it. He has to learn.”

“And he will. Let me work my magic and I’ll have him perfectly eager to learn to control his.”

“Without the puns.”

“With slightly less puns?” He asked, brow knit together as if the fate of his jokes were a matter of life and death.

Zoya frowned, but Nikolai’s pleading look wore away at her and she sighed. “Slightly less puns.”

His eyes lit up and he beamed, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand. “You won’t regret this,” he promised.

“Oh, I will,” she remarked drily. “But perhaps not enough to shock you again if you can manage the walking fire hazard.”

“As you wish, Your Highness.” He bowed theatrically before turning and running back to Damyen with a ridiculous grin on his face, sunlight gilding his hair and shining in his gaze; his form so full of light that she couldn’t help but smile.

“Nikolai,” she called after him.

He turned, cocking his head. “Nazyalensky? Is everything alright?”

Zoya closed her eyes, sighing deeply. She opened her palm, summoning the smallest thundercloud, letting raindrops pool in her outstretched hand. “Right as rain, Lantsov.”

He laughed, and the sound, golden and unrestrained and bright, was worth every joke she’d ever have to endure.

[witch-hazels-musings]

is this all i have?

^ hey all, a little different fic I have for you today.

If you decide to read it, it’ll give you some insight into why I haven’t been posting a lot ... it says more than I probably would normally share about my struggles but @genshin-karebear encouraged me to be honest and, so, here I am. (thank you, friend)

Warnings -> negative self-talk, comfort, one curse word 

I sat at my desk, head in my hands and tears on the verge of spilling over the edges of my eyes. For days I’d been struggling, frantically, painfully trying to get back into the swing of things with nothing to show for it other than tear stained clothes and empty pieces of paper.

Where did it all go? Where was the spark that used to ignite in my heart when I sat down to write the words which once came so easy? Am I spent, have I used up all that skill in a matter of months … what’s wrong with me.

A single tear cascaded down my cheek as I stared at the massive nothingness that lay before me. The taunting paper which looked back at like a score card of failures after failures, as if to remind me that I will never be a person worthy of it’s time. I rubbed my eyes, pushing my glasses over my brow and feeling the hot liquid which rested in them, this would be the tenth time I’ve done this today.

“I’m just spent and I don’t know what I’m going to do anymore.” My lip quivered, my cheeks became wet, my eyes blurry. “I’m a failure.” I whispered to myself shaking my head and holding onto the last ounce of energy I could muster - it didn’t matter that the sun was warm and shined through my window, there was nothing strong enough to push through my veil of despair.

I looked out the window and saw the world move on around me; it never waits, while it pushes on I’m left behind. The trees continue to spread out their leaves in an attempt to soak up the necessary nutrients they need to survive, seeds float on the wind looking for a place to rest, bugs move from place to place at random, the cat lounges on the chair lost in its dreams as its fur is warmed by the sun I cannot seem to feel. I’m jealous of that cat.

I contemplate getting up and doing something different, but there is a voice inside of me that tells me to push through, to keep going and write something - put anything down on this piece of paper. Fuck you, paper … you are nothing to me and yet you have total control over my pen. I’m angry and frustrated at an inanimate object when I should really be mad at myself. It’s my fault I cannot get anything out --- I’m broken, that must be the only answer.

The tears have all fallen, water droplets speckle the parchment and my eyes look onward without any ounce of life left. I feel empty and hollow, I have no more energy for it all and so I lay down the pen, drop my head to the table and close my eyes.

I don’t know how long I sit like this, time has been moving so slowly for me as of late that this feels like nothing new. I don’t even hear the sound of the door opening, or footsteps headed my way. In fact, I barely register there is another presence in the room until I feel a hand on my shoulder.

“Hazel?” I stir, but only enough to turn my head onto its side and glance at the person who called me by name, a name I didn’t feel I had the right to claim. I looked up and felt my stomach drop, of course it would be him … the one person who I continued to fail over and over again. “Are you okay?”

I bit the inside of my lip, desperate to keep my emotions in check. I hated looking weak, and complaining about my frustrations only made me feel worse. These worries and inadequacies are my own issues to deal with, there was no need to drag others down into my sorrow, so I changed the subject.

“You’re back earlier than I thought you’d be.” I leaned up from the desk and turned myself to face him. Instinctually, I placed my hand on the blank paper, an attempt to hide my shame.

“Yes, there wasn’t much for me to do, it seemed everyone had it under control and I didn’t see a need to stick around.” He placed a few items down on the table in the study. It was some of the only sounds which broke the monotony of my day. “… did I disturb your work?”

“No, I only just started.” I lied, grinning to add another layer to my coverup.

“Oh, normally you get started much earlier than this …” His observation was accurate, even if it stung a little. He was right after all, I’d been sitting at this desk since we parted ways earlier in the morning … I felt chained to it, obligated to do something worthwhile at this god forsaken wooden nightmare.

“Normally, yes. I just, uh, had some things to get done before this …”

“Well I’m sure you are eager to get started, I’ll leave you to it.” He looked down at me kindly, and I yearned to have more than just his words and kind eyes at the moment, but I knew it wouldn’t be possible to ask that of him.

“Sounds good, I’ve got a lot of ideas and think I can get some good stuff done today.” Another lie.

“I believe you will.” He looked at me and my brain screamed. It battled between the side of reaching for him and letting him go. As busy as he was, he didn’t need to be bothered by my struggles. So, in an effort to keep them under control I pushed my knuckles to the small space between my chin and lips, the nail of my index finger digging into the corner of my mouth for extra sensory support. I smiled weakly at him and watched as he made his way through the threshold, disappearing beyond my line of sight. When the door closed I stood from my chair and walked to the window, my hand extended to capture the rays of the sun which normally brought me comfort, but today only illuminated my skin.

The emotions bubbled up in my chest and, like a sad child who didn’t get what they wanted, I removed my glasses, dropped my head into my hand and cried. Soft, quiet sobs spilled from my mouth while my eyes remained shielded by the darkness of my hand. Something caught my attention and as soon as I allowed my vision to adjust to the source, dark cloth and a flash of red envelope me.

“What …?”

“I knew something wasn’t right.” His voice was so soothing, his arms tight around my body, his chest inviting and the way his hand spread across my back ... it all meshed perfectly together. “For days, you’ve been acting strange … I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner.”

“What .. what are you talking about ..?” my voice was strained, telling of my emotions, and still I tried to push through. “I’m fine, I-I just got something in my eye.”

“You know you can be honest with me.”

“I know …”

“So, tell me what’s on your mind.”

“This isn’t something to worry you over.”

“Isn’t it?” He pulled back so he could look at me and I was glad my glasses were still off. I couldn’t bear to see him clearly right now. “Something is clearly weighing on you, how could I not offer my support?

“It’s stupid, and I just need to get over it.”

“If it makes you feel this way, then whatever problem you have isn’t stupid.” He pressed, and his words, combined with the closeness of him, was starting to break my resolve. I didn’t want to put anything else on his shoulders … I didn’t want to appear weak … I didn’t want to be a failure.

“I’m … struggling.” He didn’t let me go or say anything, which made me fill the silence with my own pitiful words. 

“I’ve been trying for days to get something, anything out and every time I do the words don’t flow like they did. I’m worried … did I write all that I’m ever going to write. What if I can’t do it anymore … what if this is all I have …” The tears began to slip down my cheeks, some found a home in the bend of my lips and filled my mouth with the taste of salt. I shook my head and bit my tongue, this is stupid, I’m acting like a child. I tried to push away from him but he only tightened his grip. “God, there are so many more important things to be upset about, and here I am whining about something so petty.”

“When was the last time you took a break? Perhaps, that may help?”

“I’ve done that … I’ve taken such a long break -- I-I don’t want to take a break anymore. Why is this so hard.” I felt the pressure of my brows as they moved closer to one another, the bending of my nose as I scrunch my face out of frustration. “I’m wasting time and people are waiting on me … how long can I ask them to wait … how long do I deserve their patience …”

“Has anyone pushed you to work faster than you can?”

I parted my lips and ran my tongue over the back of my teeth, “No … but I can’t expect them to wait forever. There’s gotta be something wrong with me, right? That’s the only explanation I have at this point. I’m not good at it anymore … I’m worried and stressed and ... just ... so sad.”

His hands slipped around my arms, one resting against my shoulder and the other cupping my face. “I know this feels like an impassable obstacle, but you haven’t lost anything … you just need to give it time.”

“Haven’t I done that?”

“You told me you’ve been in here trying to force yourself everyday, have you really taken time to rest?” I shrugged my shoulders and shifted my eyes away from him.

“You don’t take breaks either …” I mumbled, my words were an effort to get even and show him how the suggestion was nothing but a silly statement that had no meaning.

“Maybe, I should.” I didn’t want to look at him, but I could tell his tone had grown more thoughtful. He let his hands fall to my wrist, the feeling of his glove against my skin was somehow comforting. “Come with me.” He gripped tightly and led me through the door of the study faster than I could protest. We walked down the stairs, confused maids and staff staring at us as we blew by them before leaving through the heavy doors of the winery and onto the dirt path which held endless possibilities of destinations. I protested, but there was no escaping his grip and, soon, all my effort was on keeping up with his pace.

When I thought I couldn’t take another step we stopped, he released my hand and with him no longer keeping me upright, I fell into the grass below me, my arms sprawled outward. I breathed in deeply and relished the feeling of the wind against my face.

“It’s been a long time since I moved that quickly.”

“How do you feel?”

“Let me get back to you on that… ” I laughed and rested my hand against my chest, the beating of my heart pounding there as I tried to breathe with hot lungs.

I looked up at the sky, the vastness of it stealing my vision and removing anything else. My skin was tickled by the blades of grass that brushed against it, and I watched as a small bee flew over my face his swaying movement mesmerizing. When was the last time I was outside like this… it felt like such a long time ago.

I stretched my hand toward the sky above me, the blue color peeking through my spread fingers, my palm cutting off the fuzzy clouds that moved lazily along. His face came into view and I realized I had yet to put my glasses back on.

He bent down to meet me, his back falling into the grass at my side, hair following the pull of gravity and spreading out in the grassy hill. 

“I can’t believe you are laying in the grass.” I chuckled and dropped my hand back onto my chest, turning my head to look at him.

“I’m known to have a few surprises up my sleeve.” He responded, turning his head to look at me, the light from above gracing his face and somehow only making him even more beautiful than he already was. It was so blinding that I had to look away.

“Hah, well, color me impressed.” For the first time in days, I feel a small reprieve from the darkness which had seeped into my skin. Something internal began to tingle, starting from my fingertips and slowly up my arms and as I took in a deep breath the smell of sweet flowers filled my nose. “Thank you, Diluc.”

He reached for the hand which was moving back and forth above the grass at my side, his strong, large grip providing protection and comfort, and for the first time in days, the feeling of warmth.

“Promise to tell me next time you are struggling; don’t hide away alone.”

“I’ll do my best.”

---

I feel much like Kiki did in Kiki’s Delivery Service ... how can I fly again when I feel so ... bleh 

I’ll keep trying, all <3 

[thelemoncoffee]

i have an obsession with making Aus where Kokichi is seen by the public ad some great tyranical evil, but is really just a lonely boi- so here we go again

Medieval fantasy Au, they're all adults because it makes more sense;

In this world magic is a very common thing, something just about anyone can pick up with enough practice. Magic comes in many different types, ranging from healing to defensive, fire based to ice based, and just about everything in between, but one type is forbiddin; Dark magic. Just about everyone has been scared out of using dark magic by stories passed down generations, speaking of how dangerous it is, and how it corrupts it's users and such; but this did not deter one boy.

The rumors about him tell a tale of a young boy who was hard to change the mind of; when he wanted something done his way, he would stop at nothing to get it done, and that was his downfall. When he heard the stories about how dangerous Dark magic was, he wanted to prove the world wrong, and against his mentor and family's wishes, he began to study it; with each new spell he perfected he became more unstable, and deception became his best friend.

The king himself ordered his death after catching wind of the boy's horrid act, but was quick to find he had become much too powerful to try and kill. The boy was ordered to a hearing with the King, who told him he wasn't allowed to be in the kingdom so long as he practiced Dark magic, and was to be exiled.

Shokingly, the boy complied without much of a fight, rather, he was quite snarky about his exile; he used it to mock the kingdom as he paraded away, making a show for them to see as he cackled and cheered his freedom from a society that didn't accept something that was hated for no other reason than tradition. the Kingdom saw him as a once sweet boy turned madman, no older than 15 at the time, courrpted and taken over by a power he knew not the danger of

Now, years later, the name Kokichi Ouma rings through the Kingdom and many beyond it as grim reminder to those who even think about taking a small glimps at the art of Dark magic; a recent story to detur the usage. Many of the residence of the Kingdom believe that the king should have just pushed till he killed him; they fear in the nearly 10 years of his exile, he could have studied and mastered the dark art undetured, and could come back to take over if he hasn't lost his mind completly and gone feral or something from the mind altering affects yet

Backstory aside: the main plot for this Au is that Shuichi is a magic student from another kingdom who's heard the tale but doesn't quite believe it, and he was sent by his mentor to go to the very Kingdom the story originated from for a task. On his way, he got attacked by a group of Rogues and was almost beat out, but got saved by a small cloaked boy. Shuichi ended up passing out from a mix of overusing his mana trying to defend himself and blood loss, and woke up in a small cottage in the middle of a nowhere forest. the boy who saved him comes in to check on him and finds he's awake. Conversation happens and he finds out the boy is not a boy, but a 24 year old man that goes by Tiny, is the leader of a small band of people who have been exiled from various kingdoms for various crimes (all in which have thrown out their birth names in favor of various jester names), and helps out people who get lost or attacked out in the lawless bounds of the forest. Tiny tells Shuichi that he's going to help him get all healed up so he can go back to his task, and over the time it takes him to heal, they get closer to one another and form a bond neither had ever had before. Once Shuichi is well enough to leave, he promises to return once in awhile to check up on Tiny. Little did he know that Tiny was in fact the very same dark magic user from the stories he never quite believed.

Some extra lore about Dark magic:

The reason why dark magic is so hated is because it's like a magic speed run. It's a simplified form of magic but it's a lot more powerful, meaning you can become stronger quicker, you can do things a lot easier- it's basically more efficient. People of the past believed it was an easy way out of learning magic, so they started to spread rumors about it, giving people a negative mentality against it.

It's actually called dark magic is because uses energy from the Moon and Spirits, and other night related stuff. The reason why it's associated with corruption and people going insane is because there are some spells that can only be done with dark magic that have the ability to change your physical appearance, and those can actually permanently damage you both mentally and physically if you don't know how to perform them correctly. They're the most dangerous part of dark magic, and are strongly not advised for anyone but people who have been practicing safely for years.

[bumblebugwrites]

chapter 4: four of wands

Pairing: TASM!Peter Parker x MJ!Original Character

Summary: With Kat now at risk because of him, Peter struggles to find a balance between protecting her and caring for himself.

Warnings: Cursing, NWH Spoilers (kinda), Violence

Word Count: 3k

Series Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

It was late when Kat left The Ink Pot that night. Peter watched from his perch atop the apartment building across the street as she brushed several strands of hair out of her face, before popping in her earbuds and taking off down the street. He kept to the shadows as he trailed her, eyes darting back and forth between Kat’s shivering form and the people who swarmed the sidewalk around her, almost obscuring the cement from view. Around her, the city lights seemed to glow a bit lighter, illuminating the flush of her cheeks and nose from the cold air.

Peter forced himself to tear his gaze from her face as she turned the corner onto a far less populated street, humming to herself unknowingly. As a sharp wind cut through the night's serene atmosphere, he shivered while Kat nestled deeper into her thick scarf. Suddenly, his eye caught on a nearly imperceptible movement in the alley she was quickly approaching. Fixing his gaze on the source of the motion, Peter moved easily from rooftop to rooftop, ensuring her safe passage. Kat continued past the alley without hesitation, completely unaware of the shadow that lifted off the brick wall and began to trail her.

“Fuck,” Peter whispered, guilt building up in his throat at the sight.

As Kat neared the next turn, onto an empty street, he surged forward, nearly in sync with the shadowy figure that moved at lightning speed, toppling her to the ground.

A screech ripped itself from her throat as she wrestled the man, hands scrambling for her bag. Peter was on the ground in an instant, grasp tight on Kat’s assailant as he flung the man aside.

“Are you okay?” he demanded, crouching down to search her eyes, and for a moment, she appeared relieved. Just a moment, before her nose scrunched up, contorting her face into the picture of disgust, and he remembered the mask obscuring his face. Peter immediately moved to back away, only stopping when his back came in contact with a pair of shins. Right, the man. The man who was following Kat. The man who probably wanted him dead. Tilting his head upwards, his gaze caught on the silver flash of the knife rapidly approaching his face. Without thinking, Peter surged forward, landing on top of an already pissed-off Kat in a sloppy attempt to escape the oncoming attack.

“Sorry,” Peter breathed out, taking in her obvious annoyance from his position mere inches from her face. Rolling off, he whipped around, landing a web on his attacker’s face before dropping down to sweep him off his feet with a swift kick to the ankles.

With the man flat on his back, Peter webbed his wrists to the ground and pressed a firm foot to his chest.

“Who are you?” His tone shifted quickly from the one he’d used with Kat only moments earlier. His eyes scanned the man’s frame on the ground before something struck him as odd. His clothing looked almost discolored. Peter dropped down to remove the web from his face only to draw back in surprise. His eyes looked exactly like Dr. Connors’s had earlier that day.

“I am nothing more than a servant to the great Mr. Negative. He is the master of all. He is greater than death itself. He is all-seeing, all knowin-” Peter allowed a groan to push its way past his lips.

“Dude that is so not what I asked. What do you want? Why were you following her?” he asked, foot pressing down harder.

“Mr. Negative needs her, to spread his influence of course. The girl is the key to Spider-man, to Pe-” Peter’s hand darted forward at lightning speed, trapping the man’s words in his throat.

“Why her?” he whispered, more to himself than to the man underneath him. He felt the stranger’s body shake with a cruel sort of laughter and for the first time in their rather short conversation, his eyes seemed to clear just a fraction and he spoke in a manner that betrayed the cryptic tone he’d taken only seconds before.

“Isn’t it obvious? Spider-man’s normal human girlfriend is a way easier target to acquire and if he can get his hands on her, it's over for you,” Peter’s head jerked back in confusion.

“She’s not my-” But he quickly cut himself off. Mr. Negative didn’t know that. In fact, all he knew was that he’d seen the two having lunch together in a cafe on what looked suspiciously like a date.

“Fuck.”

“Hello? Yes, I’d like to report a crime,” Kat’s voice rang out from behind him and he realized he’d all but forgot the reason he was here in the first place. Webbing the man’s mouth shut once more, he turned to face her, only to be met with a tight-lipped glare and a can of mace.

“Woah, watch where you point that thing,” he joked lightly, raising his hands in mock surrender. Her brows only furrowed deeper.

“Yes, there’s two men here, I think one of them may have been trying to mug me, but this other guy just beat the shit out of him-”

“Hang on a second, I just saved your life,” Peter cut her off, moving towards her once more.

“Back up, or I swear to God, I will mace the shit out of you,” she spat, eyes flashing with a violent determination.

“Are you serious?” Peter asked, head cocking to the side in genuine confusion. Though he was aware of her distaste for his alter-ego, he was sure he’d fully processed the extent of that hatred.

“I’m on Miller Street right now, I’ve got a can of mace, but I’m not sure I can hold him off much longer,” she continued into the phone.

“Are you- Give me that,” Peter easily plucked the device from her grasp despite her attempts to tug it away.

“Spider-man here. Listen, I’ve got the situation pretty much under control, although I could use your help picking up this guy who took it upon himself to mug the lovely Ms….” he paused, pretending to not know her last name and waiting for her to supply it.

“Jennings,” she bit angrily.

“Ms. Jennings,” And though she couldn’t see it, he smiled beneath his mask.

Hanging up the phone, he offered it back to its owner who retrieved it with a scowl embedded on her face.

“You know you’re a criminal right? Vigilantism is against the law, you could do hard time,” she said, a severity Peter had not yet seen creeping onto his face.

“Can I walk you home Ms. Jennings?” he asked, evading her harsh attitude.

“Can you- Can you walk me home? No! No, you can not!” She backed away as though horrified by the mere thought. Bending to grab her tote from the ground, she adjusted her ruffled clothes before turning to depart, mace still in hand.

“Lemme try that again,” Peter offered, moving to catch up, “I’m gonna walk you home now.”

“Would you please just leave me alone? I don’t need your help,” she added stubbornly.

“Oh yeah, it looked like you had that situation super under control,” he shot back, but his pace didn’t falter as he continued to accompany her.

“I hate you,” she stated plainly.

“I gathered as much. Care to elaborate?” And despite the nonchalance in his voice, Peter felt a part of him fill up with genuine curiosity.

“No.”

Peter returned home from patrol around one in the morning, mind still buzzing with the happenings of the night despite the weight of his eyelids as he slumped down onto his bed. He’d known his friendship with Kat left her in a vulnerable position, but he had failed to recognize the extent of that danger. After ensuring she’d entered her home without issue, he’d stuck around for a while, scanning the street for imminent threats. Still, at some point, worn down by exhaustion, he’d been forced to return home. And so the question remained: what was he going to do about Kat?

Sure, he could spend his nights camped outside her home, keeping watch, but eventually, he’d be forced to return home to sleep, leaving Kat alone and unprotected. Unprotected from a fate he’d brought upon her. All because he’d allowed himself to make a friend. Peter groaned, flopping down onto his pillow. He’d figure it out in the morning, for now, he needed to rest.

Peter did not, in fact, figure it out in the morning, much to his dismay. And so, for the next week, he carried out a routine of sorts. He spent his days watching, working in the cafe by The Ink Pot, with one eye trained on the outside world at all times. Kat joined him for lunch most days, asking him about The Perks of Being a Wallflower which, amidst all the ongoing chaos, Peter had not even touched.

His nights weren’t much better. He appeared on Miller Street each evening, much to Kat’s dismay, dressed in his signature red and blue spandex, ready to accompany her the rest of the way home after trailing her the first two blocks. After about two minutes of bickering (most of which died out after the first two days), the pair would begin the silent trek to her house. And then, after she’d made it back without a problem, came the waiting. Peter sat, engulfed in shadows, atop the roof of the house across the street, watching. Searching. Scanning. Until, of course, he found himself too exhausted to continue and dragged himself back to his apartment so that he might begin again the next day. He was drained. He knew he couldn’t continue down the same path for much longer: time was ticking on finding a new solution to his babysitting problem.

Dragging himself out of bed that Tuesday morning felt like carrying a bag of weights. Slowly, he trudged towards the bathroom to rinse away the previous day with a splash of cold water to the face. Eyes nearly blind with exhaustion, Peter lowered his hand to turn the faucet, only for it to return to his line of vision with the faucet still attached. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

As water shot out of the now broken sink, Peter searched frantically for a towel, shaking the metal apparatus from his grip. So much for starting fresh Peter thought to himself as he stuffed the rag down the hole left in the sink’s porcelain surface. Though it could be worse, he supposed as he fished into his back pocket for his phone. The bathroom could be flooded or, god forbid, the pipes could have broken, leaving his whole apartment submerged in water.

His pipes could have broken. Ceasing his movements completely, Peter allowed the cogs in his mind to turn, if only momentarily. With his pipes broken, he would be out of a place to stay, leaving him forced to ask around for a couch to crash on, and being that he was only in possession of one friend, it was either Kat or Aunt May. Kat who he was exhausting himself to watch over. Kat who would be much easier to protect if the two were living in the same place.

No. No. That’s creepy and weird. I’ve only known her for like a month, I can’t just ask to stay at her place, let alone lie to her about my pipes breaking in order to do so. But… But Peter was running out of options. He couldn’t continue as he had been without breaking down eventually. Even now, the weight of his eyelids, nearly too heavy to keep open, was driving him insane. It would only be for a little bit. Just until I can figure out this whole Mr. Negative situation. He justified to himself. Besides, she could always say no.

Squaring his shoulders, Peter turned his gaze to his phone to draft a text.

Peter

hey, so sorry to bother you, but my pipes broke and my apartment is completely flooded. any chance i could crash at your place for a bit?

Fidgeting awkwardly as he awaited a response, he kept his eyes glued to the screen, until unable to bear the lack of that daunting ellipsis, he cast the phone aside completely.

“Urgh, I’m so stupid. Why the fuck would she say yes? I’m basically a stranger she met a couple weeks ago,” he muttered to himself, dragging his hands down his face, ready to give up already. Ping. Immediately, Peter was scrambling for the phone which had landed face down between the cushions of his rather sad couch.

Kat

of course. wouldn’t you be more comfortable with your aunt though? i mean just given that you know her better.

Right. Aunt May. In any normal situation, it would make perfect sense for him to turn to her first. Except this wasn’t a normal situation.

Peter

i would, but she does so much for me already, and i really don’t want to worry her with this aswell.

Praying that Kat would just accept that answer and move on, Peter sat nervously as she appeared to be typing.

Kat

yeah, i know how that is. you’re welcome to stay with us. i assume you know my address already. :)

Peter let out a breath of relief, sinking back into the couch, before remembering the still spurting faucet in his bathroom and scrambling to call the plumber.

By the time he arrived on Kat’s doorstep, the sun had already set. He’d packed a fairly measly duffle bag with only a couple of changes of clothes, hoping against hope, he’d be able to resolve this quickly. His knocking was eagerly met and the door quickly swung open revealing not Kat, but her grandmother.

“Peter,” she smiled and he coked his head in surprise at her recollection of his name.

“Good to see you again ma’am,” he greeted, stepping inside.

“Oh please, call me Diane-”

“Gran, you’re eighty-six years old, he doesn’t want to call you Diane.” Peter felt the tension in his shoulders dissipate almost instantly with the appearance of the all too familiar redhead. “Mrs. Jennings is fine,” she continued, speaking this time in his direction.

“Can I get you anything, Peter? Have you eaten?” Mrs. Jennings asked, moving towards the kitchen.

“I’m all good, thank you,” he nodded in her direction before turning to Kat for further instructions.

“Come on, this way,” she motioned, moving through the living room towards the stairs leading to the second story made up of Kat’s room, alone. Stepping through her door felt like entering a different dimension. The lighting, much like the rest of the house, felt warm and inviting, with several lamps and strings of fairy lights brightening the space. The wall was spattered with posters and pictures in the few places where bookshelves did not dominate the empty areas and in front of the only window, sat an old writing desk, covered in notebooks and loose papers. And there, pressed against the left wall, was a single twin bed.

“There’s only one bed,” Peter stated, though that information was immediately obvious to anyone with two working eyes.

“Ah, except there’s not,” Kat held up a finger, moving to clear a couple of things off the floor, before pulling on what Peter had assumed to be a set of drawers beneath the bed. Out popped a second, twin-sized mattress.

“Ta-da! It’s a trundle,” she stated triumphantly, motioning the second available bed, now taking up the majority of the floor space.

“It’ll be like a sleepover every night,” Kat smiled, moving towards the small closet in the corner to retrieve a set of sheets and a blanket.

“Thank you again, for giving me a place to stay,” Peter emphasized, moving forward to collect the sheets from her, so as to make his own bed. Having made quick work of the linens, he reached for the blanket only to stop short.

“Is that-” Five smiling faces stared up at Peter as he unfolded the large piece of fabric.

“I won’t tolerate any judgment, I hope you know that,” she replied, without looking up from the book she’d occupied herself with while he made the bed. Peter struggled to hold in his laughter as he spread the One Direction memorabilia across his new bed.

“I didn’t say anything,” he assured her.

“But you were going to,” she replied.

“Listen, I’m really not complaining. I happen to be a great enjoyer of Harry Styles,” he said, moving to grab something from his bag which Kat had left untouched by the door.

“More of a Louis girl myself, personally,” she smiled, before marking her page and standing up.

“I’m gonna get ready for bed. You can stay up as late as you want, but if you need the lights on, you may want to move to the kitchen eventually, though I tend to be up pretty late. Wi-Fi password is on the box downstairs in the living room, but I think I might have a picture I can text you. Other than that, there really aren’t any rules. Try not to break anything. Stay out of my journals. Food is free reign, just lemme know if we’re out of anything or if there’s something you want. So, uh yeah, that’s it,” she finished, stepping over Peter’s bed to fish through the dresser for a set of pajamas.

Though Kat did, in fact, retire to bed fairly late, Peter didn’t mind the faint light emitting from the lamp beside her bed as she sat up reading. He finished some ongoing work on his laptop and around midnight decided to finally give in to the exhaustion that had been dragging him down since the early hours of the morning. Having seen him roll over, Kat switched off the lamp and resolved to go to sleep herself, her breathing slowing quickly after she’d buried herself beneath her quilt, in the dark of her room. Relaxing further at the sound of Kat sleeping peacefully beside him, Peter drifted into his first night of restful sleep all week.

[elsanna-shenanigans]

April Contest Submission #12: Cruel Summer

Words: ca. 8,000 Setting: mAU Lemon: lime Content: some angst, homophobic slur, underage drinking Song:  cruel summer ��� ace of base

  ***********************************************************

The sun was burning brightly on a hot summer day when Anna found herself sprawled out on the living room coach. She was seeking shelter inside from the blazing heat which was making the air so heavy and dry. She was absent mindedly scrolling on her phone, when she heard a car pull into the driveway.

“Ooh that must be her!” She heard her mother say giddily, moving down the hall towards the front door. Elsa was home.

“Agnar get down here! Anna, put your phone away and help your sister with her things!”

Anna groaned as she reluctantly pulled herself up off the coach. It was too hot a day to be moving suitcases.

“Can’t she do it herself?” Anna mumbled under her breath.

She never needs me for anything else. Why should this be any different.

There was once a time when the two sisters were inseparable, when Anna would have called Elsa her best friend and vice versa. But they had slowly grown apart over the last few years. Well, not so much grown apart as pushed apart, by Elsa.

At first, Elsa would just make excuses for why they shouldn’t hang out as much. She had to study. She had picked up an extra shift at work. She was exhausted from field hockey practice. Only sometimes initially, then most times, eventually she always had something better to do. And then she moved away for school. Miles and miles away, even though they had perfectly good universities in the nearby city.

Elsa had promised they would stay in touch through text, and for a little while, they did. But Anna noticed she was always the one to text first. Soon after, she noticed Elsa would take hours or sometimes days to respond. Eventually they reached the point where they would only text once a month or so to touch base about banal things like class schedules and how their parents were doing.

Anna partially understood. Elsa had so much on her plate, it would overwhelm anybody. Academic over-achiever, star athlete, president or organizer of more school clubs and activities than most people realized existed. The pressure on her was enormous. Her parents put some of that pressure on her sure, they were beyond proud of their young and beautiful prodigy of a daughter. But she also put a lot of it on herself. For whatever reason she felt the need to be perfect, and she always had something important to do. Something more important than hanging out with her silly little sister.

With these negative thoughts brewing in her mind Anna walked toward the door preparing for an awkward encounter. When she stepped outside however, she was struck by the sight of the blonde girl standing in the driveway. She was wearing a blue tank top that hung loosely over white shorts. Her normally elaborately styled hair was let down and had obviously been blowing in the wind on the drive here. Her mirrored aviator sunglasses completed a look that was very casual and unlike her usual reserved style. She looked so relaxed. She looked so confident. She looked so…

“Cool!” Their father remarked as he finally made his way from upstairs.

“Nice shades, where did they come from?”

“Oh, a friend gave them to me” Elsa replied as she moved them to rest atop her head.

Anna ignored the tinge of jealousy she felt at the mention of this unknown friend.

“Elsa, you look different. It’s a good different!” She said, a smile spreading across her face.

“Thank you.” Elsa said sheepishly as she brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Perhaps embarrassed by all the attention on her appearance.

“You look great too.” She said before moving towards Anna and embracing her younger sister in a tight hug. Anna tensed up at first at the unexpected show of affection but relaxed into it after a moment. She had missed this. She missed Elsa.

“Alright, Let’s get you inside and settled” Announced their father, grabbing a bag from Elsa’s car and heading inside the home. Anna pulled back from Elsa’s hug and looked into her sisters’ eyes. They seemed so inviting, so unlike the vibe she had been getting from her the past few years. She couldn’t quite put her finger on how or why but something about Elsa felt different now. Like she was more herself then she had ever been.

“I’m glad you’re home”

“Me too”

With that Anna grabbed a suitcase out of Elsa’s car and followed her father back inside. She found that it did not feel as heavy as she had feared, and the heat wasn’t really that bad. It was actually a beautiful day to be moving suitcases.

***********************************************************

“Elsa come on. I’ve been waiting for you for hours” Anna shouted as she pounded on the bathroom door. Ok maybe it wasn’t hours, but it felt like it.

“It’s been less than twenty minutes Anna.” Came Elsa’s flat reply through the door.

Anna let out an exasperated sigh. When Elsa had first arrived back home, she had been so hopeful they could reconnect as sisters. She had thought that whatever change she felt Elsa had undergone might have opened her up a little. But These hopes were quickly dashed as Elsa had been here three days now and was back to the same status quo; hiding from Anna in her room. Well, right now she was hiding herself in the bathroom, taking a shower. It was more like monopolizing the bathroom, for definitely longer than twenty minutes, and it was preventing Anna from getting herself ready to go out with her friends.

Just then Anna felt her phone buzz in her pocket, and she took it out to check it.

Kristoff [6:14 PM]: Are you ready? I’m almost there.

You[6:15]: Almost…

Anna decided she was done waiting. She only needed a few things off the vanity counter and then she could get ready in her room. With Elsa in the shower, she figured she could quickly run in and grab what she needed without Elsa even noticing. But as she quietly opened the door, she saw that Elsa was in fact out of the shower and was standing in front of the mirror, completely naked, brushing knots out of her hair.

Shit. What do I do? Do I try to leave unnoticed? Do I rush and grab my things quickly?

Anna did neither. Instead, she just stood there frozen in place watching her sister, taking in the graceful way she moved as she brushed her hair. Mesmerized, her eyes traced the way her sister’s hair flowed around her shoulders, down her back, almost down to her…

“Anna!?” Elsa gasped, startled, as she noticed her younger sister in the mirror. Dropping the hairbrush into the sink, and futilely trying to cover herself with her arms and hands.

“Wha.. What are you.. How long have you been standing there?”

“Uhhh, definitely less than twenty minutes” Anna offered, feeling her face turn red.

“Well, what do you want? Can I help you or something?” Elsa snapped at her, clearly flustered.

“Yes. I mean no. I mean, Uhhh… I just need to grab a few thi…”

Elsa’s eyes widened when Anna tripped on the clothes on the floor as she was making her way to the vanity. Anna tried desperately to regain her balance, but the only thing near enough to grab onto was her sister who let out a shriek as they both tumbled onto the floor. Anna ended up on top of Elsa’s naked and still damp body. Her hair and scent filling Anna’s nostrils, as her face rested on her chest.

“Anna, What the HELL!?!” Elsa yelled, as she squirmed beneath her sister trying to get free.

“Sorry! I’m soo sorry. I just… need a few things” Anna stammered, scrambling to her feet.

“My make up bag. Some face cream….” Anna listed the items as she gathered them, both as a way to fill the awkward silence, and to try and justify her sudden intrusion.

“…The hair brush….” Anna paused as she looked at it in the sink, the image of her sister a few moments ago flashing across her mind.

“You know what never mind, I’ll uhh… I’ll come back for that… You finish what you were doing, no rush. Again, I’m soo sorry.” And she quickly turned towards the bathroom door to leave.

“Anna wait.” Elsa called out. Anna stopped and turned back around to see her sister holding the hairbrush out for her. She had managed to grab a towel to cover herself up with, but she was blushing and unable to meet Anna’s gaze.

“Just take it, I was about done with it anyway.”

Elsa then turned her head and was finally able to look back at her sister.

“Besides, we wouldn’t want you to have to come back in here again, would we?” She said teasingly, sporting a small smirk. Anna laughed uncomfortably as she took the brush from her sister.

“Haha, nope! Definitely not. no one would want that… Haha”

***********************************************************

Anna was physically siting in a booth at the towns most popular diner Oaken’s, along with her friends, but her mind was elsewhere, occupied by a million questions. How had she and her sister drifted so far apart? Was the change in Elsa she thought she sensed upon her arrival real, or just something she had imagined? Why the hell couldn’t she keep thinking about that embarrassing moment with her earlier?

Anna sighed lightly as she pushed the remains of her spaghetti around with her fork, her appetite not what it normally was. Chatter from various tables and the clanking of dishware filled the air of the diner with an ambient noise that made it easy to tune out the conversation happening at her own table.

“… And so, I said to him; ‘I don’t think that’s a carrot buddy’!” The Entire table erupted with laughter. Apparently, Kristoff had told a hilarious story. Anna had been lost in her own mind and missed most of it. She smiled weakly in an attempt to appear as though she had been listening. It must not have worked.

“Are you OK Anna?” Kristoff asked, nudging her with his elbow.

“You’ve been a million miles away all night.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind I guess.” She answered, trying to avoid going into more details.

“Elsa?” Came his one word guess as to what was troubling her. He knew her too well.

“Yeah…” She said hesitantly.

“How’s that been going?”

“It’s been…” She paused to think of how to best describe how things were between her and her sister. The memory of her crashing onto Elsa’s naked body on the bathroom floor earlier popped into her head. God, why did her mind have to keep going back to that?

“… Awkward.” She finally said. Kristoff stared at her as if he expected her to elaborate, but she really didn’t want to. She certainly didn’t want to talk about what she was currently thinking about. She could feel her pulse quickening as her brain forced her to relive that encounter. Forced her to remember the way Elsa’s hair had smelled. The way her wet skin had felt. The way her heart had fluttered when Elsa teased her as she left the bathroom.

She didn’t really want to talk about it, but how long could she keep things bottled up? Maybe her friends might be able to help her talk things out, help her make sense of everything she was feeling. She let out a big sigh before continuing.

“It’s just… I want to reconnect with her so badly. We used to be so close. We were like best friends, like you know, sisters, and now I don’t even know how to talk to her. And it’s like she doesn’t even care…” Anna’s gut tightened at her last point. The idea that Elsa didn’t care hurt her enough to make her want to start crying right there in the diner.

“If you ask me, you’re better off. Who would want to talk to her anyway?” Came the response of the other guy sitting across the table. Anna’s face scrunched up into a scowl, and her eyes narrowed at him.

“Shut up Hans!” She nearly shouted.

“You’re just still upset that she rejected you.”

“HA!” Hans threw his head back with an overexaggerated laugh.

“As if I’d want her. As if anyone could ever love that frigid bitch.” He claimed, as if everyone at that table didn’t remember how he had obsessed over her that one summer, practically harassing her.

“Oh please, anyone could fall in love with her, and she is so obviously out of your league. She is beautiful. She is intelligent. She is kind. She is athletic. She accomplishes everything she sets out to do. She puts on an icy exterior sure, but I know that behind that is a caring and thoughtful woman who…”

“Woah. Woah.” Hans interrupted, throwing up his hands as if to tell Anna to slow down.

“Sounds to me like you’re in love with her haha.” He added with a shit eating grin.

“I…. Uh… what?!” Anna stammered. She could now feel her heartbeat in her neck. Anger, yes that had to be it, anger, causing her to start shouting at the insensitive prick.

“Fuck you Hans! Just because you don’t get along with your siblings doesn’t mean nobody does. Maybe if you weren’t such a terrible person your brothers might love you.” Anna felt a little bad about that remark, Hans’ brothers really did treat him like shit. But right now, he deserved it for being such an asshole.

“Fuck me? Fuck you! You uppity bitch, I was just joking around.” He turned to look at Kristoff.

“Why did you invite her anyway? She is just as crazy as her sister.” Anna scoffed indignantly. She had heard enough. She stood up, grabbed her things and made a beeline for the door. Everyone else in the diner watched and whispered amongst themselves at the sudden scene. She could feel tears forming in her eyes, but she fought them back. She didn’t need Hans or the whole diner to see how upset she was. Kristoff groaned loudly and slowly rose from the booth.

“Way to go jackass.” He shot at Hans as he went to go see if Anna was alright.

Standing outside anna was sniffling and wiping the tears from her eyes, overwhelmed by emotion, when Kristoff came out and put his arm around her shoulder.

“Sorry about that, I don’t really know why I hang out with him to be honest…”

“No, I’m sorry Kristoff, I don’t know what came over me. I may have overreacted… I kind of feel bad about the comment about his brothers… I don’t know what came over me.” Anna said sheepishly, uncomfortable with the scene she had made.

“Pffft, Fuck him. He was being a dick.” Kristoff said, dismissing her apology with a wave of his hand.

“Yea I guess” Anna said meekly.

Kristoff pulled his arm off her shoulder and moved to face her. He put one hand on each arm and looked her in the eyes.

“Listen to me, you have nothing to apologize for, he was out of line. I know how important Elsa is to you, and honestly, it’s nice. I’ve seen how much you two care for each other and it’s kind of sweet. It’s worth fighting for and it doesn’t matter what Hans or anyone else thinks or has to say about it.”

Anna smiled. Kristoff was a good friend, and she was thankful she had decided to talk about what was bothering her, even if Hans of all people had to be a part of it.

“I’m not sure there is anything left to fight for Kristoff…” Anna said after a pause, the smile disappearing from her face.

“I don’t believe that, and deep down I don’t think you do either. Look, I don’t know how to fix things between you two, but I know that if anyone can it’s you… Have you tried just telling her how you feel?”

Anna considered this for a moment, the prospect of that conversation terrified her. She wasn’t sure why.

“Thanks Kristoff, I’ll try.”

“C’mon I’ll take you home.”

***********************************************************

The two mostly sat in silence as Kristoff drove Anna home. When they pulled into her driveway, Kristoff wished her a good night and she made her way upstairs. She paused a moment at the door to Elsa’s bedroom, considering whether or not to knock. But something told her she needed to work out what she was going to say before she confronted her, so she turned away to go to her own room.

Just as she made it to her own door however Elsa’s flung open, and her sister came out to greet her.

“Hey! I thought I heard you.” Elsa said, smiling brightly at her. Looking like she was actually happy to see her.

God she is going to give me emotional whiplash.

“Yup, here I am.” Anna said, laughing weakly out of nerves.

“We haven’t really talked much since I’ve been home, have we?” Elsa asked matter-of-factly, like it was something neither of them had even noticed.

“Heh, yea I guess that’s true.” Anna replied, the feeling of her pulse in her neck returning.

“Well, we should change that.” Elsa said emphatically. Moving towards Anna, she gently traced her fingers down Anna’s arm until she took the girls hands into her own.

“Let’s hang out tomorrow.”

There was that fluttering feeling again.

“Uh, yeah sure. I mean, if you want to.” Anna sputtered out, trying to act nonchalant.

“Great, I’ll see you tomorrow then. Love ya sis!” Elsa said as she gave Anna a hug. Her head resting on Anna’s shoulder causing Anna to breath in the faint smell of her hair, once again triggering Anna’s memory of laying on top of her earlier. She released the hug after a short moment, and then returned to her room, leaving a speechless Anna to stand there in the hallway and process what just occurred.

She slowly wandered back to her room, her mind reeling at what just happened. When she closed her door and looked around her room, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror above her dresser. She was blushing a deep shade of red, wearing a huge smile, and looked positively giddy.

Wow.  Anna thought to herself, taken aback at how happy she was after such a trying day. All the uncertainty, doubt, and consternation she had put herself through, and all it took to make it all go away was a show of affection from Elsa that gave her hope that everything would be ok.

Suddenly the words of Hans’ accusation crept into her mind and made the smile run from her face. Memories of the entire day flooded through her. Walking in on Elsa. Arguing with Hans. Elsa finally wanting to spend time with her. All the different emotions she had felt throughout the day mixed around inside her all at once, making her feel disoriented and sick to her stomach.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm herself down. She exhaled shakily, as she ran her hands through her hair. When she opened her eyes, she stared at the girl in the mirror. She looked overwhelmed and in desperate need of guidance. She placed both hands on her dresser and leaned forward towards the mirror, staring into her own eyes.

“You are NOT in love with your sister.” She said firmly to her reflection.

***********************************************************

Anna looked hesitantly around the water park Elsa had brought her to. It was busy, groups of people wandering about, long lines for every ride and activity. The sun was shining brightly in a nearly cloudless sky, and the scorching heat made it an ideal day to spend here. Well, ideal for most people anyway. Years ago, when they were both still small children, Anna had nearly drowned while swimming with some other kids. Obviously, she was fine now, but it left her with a slight phobia of any water activity. Nothing debilitating, she had gone swimming since, and this wasn’t her first trip to a water park, but she would be lying if she said it didn’t give her some anxiety. She would usually stick to the shallow end of a pool.

As Anna looked around, she glanced at her sister, who showed no sign of nerves or anxiety. Anna was once again struck by her appearance. First of all, that swimsuit. Wow, did it ever compliment her figure well. It wasn’t scandalous, but it was certainly bolder than any Anna had ever seen her wear before. But that wasn’t what Anna noticed most.  

What Anna noticed most was that same hard-to-define change she kept seeing in her lately. For years Anna watched her sister strive to be perfect in almost every sense, and in her mind, she came pretty damn close. But Elsa apparently did not feel that way. She always seemed unsure of herself, so full of doubt. Before, Elsa would have been nervous in crowds. But now, the women standing next to Anna seemed so confident, so at peace. She didn’t seem out of place at all in this crowded venue. As she stood there taking in the sights of the park, she was like a queen looking over her kingdom, ready to take on the world.

Anna saw that her sister was already attracting looks from others there. Subtle glances from those standing nearby, as well as blatant head turns from some of those walking past. It made her feel self-conscious of her own looks, but also weirdly protective. If Elsa noticed the looks at all she gave no indication. Paying no one in the park any mind, her attention and gaze scanned around for the rides and attractions, considering what to do fist. After a few moments, her mouth curled up into a small smile.

Oh god… what ride is she thinking of forcing me to go on. Anna wondered.

“Soo, what do you want to do first?” She asked, uncertain she wanted to know the answer.

Elsa’s small smile broadened into a grin as she turned to look at her sister.

Ugghh it must be a big one.

“I think today is a day we face some fears” She stated.

“Excuse me…” Anna replied, giving her sister an incredulous look.

 “We??” She said in an exaggerated tone, fully aware they both knew that only one of them would be facing a fear going down some slide.

Elsa just laughed as she grabbed Anna’s hand.

“Come on, it will be fun.” The older sister pleaded. “I promise it will be worth it!” She added, as she turned to start down the path towards the attractions, tugging on Anna’s arm forcefully as if to physically drag her along.

Anna felt her body give no resistance and automatically start to follow, even though her mind was not totally convinced.

As they walked down the path, it became clear Anna was right. Elsa dragged her all the way to the farthest end of the park where all biggest slides they had were. The two girls stood at the end of a pool that had three tall slides that fed into it, each one was a fully encircled tunnel that turned and twisted in some places and dropped suddenly in others. Anna nervously watched people scream as they came shooting out the ends of the tunnels at the bottom with enough speed to splash water on anyone standing too close.

“I don’t know about this Elsa. Can’t we just go on the lazy river or something?”

“It will be fine.” Elsa said trying to reassure her. “We’ll go on that one.” she said as she nodded to the one on the left. Anna looked at the people coming out of it, they were going down on inflatable tubes. Some tubes were big enough that two people could go down at once and had enough handles for both people to hold onto. Anna saw however that some people in the back chose to cling to the person in front instead of the handles, holding onto them for dear life. Anna figured that would be her.

Elsa pulled her sister in beside her and wrapped her left arm around her waist as the two of them faced the pool.

“We’ll go down together, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Ok, maybe this won’t be so bad.

As the pair waited in line and got closer and closer to the front, Anna could feel anxiety building up within her. She watched the other people in line ahead go down the slide. She noticed a few that also seemed nervous, she made sure to check how they looked when they got to the bottom. They always looked like they were thrilled and smiling as they made their way out of the pool.

She glanced over at Elsa, who must have seen the uncertainty in her eyes. The older sister took one of Anna’s hands into her own, giving it a quick squeeze as she smiled reassuringly at her. Anna couldn’t help but smile back. It was incredible really, how much better life seemed when Elsa was around. Just yesterday, when she thought Elsa wanted nothing to do with her, she was an emotional mess, barely able to face dinner with her friends. Now, standing in the sun on this beautiful day with her sister, she stood there grinning like an idiot, getting ready to face fear. She was still nervous, but with Elsa by her side, she could face anything.

A few minutes passed and they were nearing the front of the line. Panic once again started to build in Anna. She glanced down and saw a couple come out of the tube at the bottom. One had fallen off. She could feel her heartbeat thumping in her chest now.

She watched a couple that was ahead of them climb into a tube together. It was a guy and a girl, and they were obviously dating because the guy decided it was a perfect time for an awkward public display of affection. Anna watched as he climbed into the boat behind his girlfriend and ran his hands over her legs as he pulled himself up against her body. The girl giggled as he spoke softly into her ear and slid his hands over her hips, around her waist, before finally grabbing onto her stomach firmly. Anna’s breath grew rapid as the considered how she might wrap her own body around her sister’s as she clung to her for life. She laughed nervously and looked over at her Elsa.

“Heh. So… we’re really going to do this huh?” She said, fidgeting in place, struggling to hide her building panic. Elsa looked back at her kindly with an expression that showed she understood that Anna was nervous.

“It will be fun.” She said encouragingly. Anna didn’t respond but just stood there, wringing her hands apprehensively, watching people coming out of the tunnel below.

“Look. I know this is hard for you, and I did kind of force you here…. If you really feel you can’t do it, I can go down by myself, it’s fine. They will let you go down the other ladder there.”

Anna nodded at this, there were still a few more people ahead, so she still had a minute or two to try and get herself together.

It’s just a slide Anna, get yourself together.

Finally, it was their turn. Elsa stepped towards the tube and sat down in the front. She turned towards her sister and looked at her younger sister with piercing blue eyes which seemed full of love and hope.

“Are you coming Anna?” She asked, biting her lower lip, her arm outstretched beckoning her sister to come join her.

Anna closed her eyes and pushed out a shaky breath. She had wanted so bad for her sister to let her back into her life, and now here she was, asking Anna to come with her on some wild ride. It was everything she wanted, and yet she was so scared of what came next. When she opened her eyes again, Anna realised she may not get many more opportunities like this, so she decided she would not waste it, and her trembling legs guided her to sit behind Elsa.

Every sensation in her body was already amplified due to anxiety and fear, and as she slowly pushed herself against her sister, she felt electricity shoot through her everywhere their skin touched. She wrapped her arms around Elsa’s waist and rested her head on her shoulder, taking in the same scent she had earlier. It was now becoming like an intoxicant. She looked ahead into the tunnel entranceway, only the first few feet were visible as the slide suddenly twisted into darkness. There was no way to see how this ride was going to go, but Anna sensed it was going to be both the scariest and most exhilarating thing she had ever done.

“Are you ready?” Asked the park attendant, about to release them down the tunnel.

“As I’ll ever be.”

***********************************************************

Anna burst through the door of their home dragging her sister along by her hand. Anna was smiling so much her face hurt, as the two of them laughed together and recounted the day they just had. They made their way to the living room and collapsed on the sofa, both of them exhausted from such an eventful day.

“Oh my god Elsa I think that is the most fun I’ve had since… Well since ever!” Anna exclaimed. After they had gone down the first slide, it was like something had awoken in her, like she couldn’t believe they hadn’t done this before. The two explored every inch of the park hand in hand, trying out every ride and attraction. After she had gotten past the initial fear it was like a whole new world had opened up to her, and she couldn’t have asked for a better partner to guide her through it than her sister Elsa.

“I’m so glad you had fun Anna. I knew once you got over your fear you would enjoy yourself.” Elsa said, embracing her sister in a hug. After a few moments of enjoying the closeness with Elsa, Anna pulled back.

“Speaking of fear…” She started. Her eyes narrowed as she folded her arms across her chest.

“I still say I did the majority of fear facing today.” She claimed with an accusing tone.

“Well… I, uh… I was afraid of how you might handle everything.” Elsa replied, weakly smiling.

“Nuh-uh. Not buying it.” Anna insisted, adding emphasis with her finger. “You owe me something Elsa. Something as big as that slide.” The younger girl scrunched up her face in thought for a moment, and then smiled slyly.

“I have an idea… Wait here.” It was Elsa’s turn to fret over what her sister had planned.

Anna ran over to the kitchen, and after rummaging around for a bit, returned with a bottle of chocolate liqueur. She held it up next to her head as if it was a trophy with one hand and gestured to it with the other.

“Let’s have some fun.” She said with a wink.

“Anna! Where did you get that?!” Elsa asked, taken aback by her suggestion. The two had never drank together. In fact, Anna wasn’t sure Elsa had ever gotten drunk before. Certainly not with her, and she couldn’t remember ever hearing stories about it. It just wasn’t something good girl Elsa did.

“I stole it.” She declared mischievously. Shaking her head as she emphasised the word stole.

“Anna Dad will kill you!”

“Please, I’m nineteen now.” Anna Said waving off Elsa’s concern with her hand. Their parents were out and would be gone until late that night.

“Besides, if he gets upset, I’ll just tell him you took it.” She added, sticking her tongue out playfully at her sister. If there was one thing She knew frightened Elsa, it was disappointing their parents.

Elsa’s mouth opened in mock indignation.

“You wouldn’t dare.” She said narrowing her eyes at Anna.

Anna of course knew that she would never betray her sister like that, but she was having too much fun teasing her.

“Maybe I would. Maybe I wouldn’t…” She mused, as she placed two shot glasses on the coffee table in front of them, filling them with the dark liquid from the bottle.

“Either way part of this bottle is going to be missing, because I’m drinking some. The only question is…”

She pushed a shot glass across the table towards Elsa.

“Are you joining me?”

Elsa glared at her sister, her brow furrowed, her eyes still narrowed. But the smile and the slight blush on her face gave away that she was amused by her sisters’ antics.

“Ok great!” Anna said, clapping her hands together, practically squealing with delight.

“We are going to play truth and more truth” She informed her sister. Elsa looked back at her confused, she had never heard of that game before.

“Don’t you mean truth or dare?” Elsa asked in a patronizing tone, raising one eyebrow.

“Nope, truth and more truth. This is totally different.”

“That’s not a thing Anna…”

“Oh, sure it is. Here’s what you do; Tell me something I don’t know about you. And then take a drink.”

Elsa sat silently for a moment, contemplating the rules to this obviously just made-up game. A look of determination then came across her face, like she would show Anna she could win at any game.

“Ok then Fine.” She said plainly.

“I love chocolate liqueur.” She then downed the whole shot in one swift motion and placed the glass back on the table. Her lips moved into a triumphant grin.

“Wow… Impressive.” Anna was taken aback at how natural that had come to her sister.

 “Again!” She commanded. Filling her glass.

“What!? Isn’t it your turn now?” Elsa demanded.

“Nope. I already faced a fear today. Now it’s your turn.”

“And what fear exactly is it that I’m facing here?” Elsa asked with uncertainty.

Anna’s expression turned serious. She looked her sister in her eyes and reached out to take hold of her hands.

“The fear of letting me in, of letting me see the real you…” Anna replied, a longing in her voice, and pleading with her eyes.

Elsa shifted awkwardly and turned her head away. Embarrassed, remorseful, and definitely scared, she glanced at Anna out of the corner of her eye, not sure how to respond.

“Ok fine. If it helps, I’ll go drink for drink with you. After a few of these, I’ll be an open book too I promise. It will be totally awkward, but we will do this together.” Elsa seemed to relax so Anna smiled at her and then threw back her shot. After seeing how easily Elsa had handled hers, Anna was not prepared for how much the drink burned her throat, and she began to cough. Apparently, Elsa had more experience than Anna with this sort of thing.

“Oh my god Elsa!” *cough* “How often do you drink?” Anna gasped. Elsa just smirked in response and then took her next shot just as easily.

“I’ve actually started having a social life at school. I’ve even been known to go to a few parties. You would be proud. Mom and dad less so” Elsa stated, her smirk growing. Now here is the Elsa Anna wanted to get to know! Not the image of sterile perfection that she projected, but the woman Anna saw that she was becoming. The woman who was confident in who she was, because she was who she wanted to be, instead of who she was told to be.

Anna stared in amazement at her sister. Imagine, Elsa at a party! The mere thought of it made Anna giggle. Elsa raised both of her eyebrows and cleared her throat in a haughty manner. Her glance down to Anna’s glass reminding her sister to keep up her end of the bargain.

Oh right. I gotta keep up. Anna thought, and she took another shot. It still burned, but at least this time she didn’t cough. She did however heavily cringe and contort her neck trying to keep herself from gagging. Elsa’s eyes seemed to dance as she laughed silently to herself, watching her sister struggle.

“I think I’m beating you at your own made-up game.” She teased, with the cockiest expression Anna had ever seen on her.

“You haven’t won anything yet missy!” Anna shot back, pointing at her exaggeratedly, and shaking her head. she could already feel the alcohol making her unsteady as her head moved.

Elsa bit her lower lip as she shuffled over to Anna’s side of the coach. They were sitting directly beside each other now, and Elsa leaned over Anna to grab the bottle of liqueur, taking over shot pouring duties. She was in control of this game now.

Anna felt herself swoon in her sister’s presence. The effects of the alcohol, combined with the joy of finally getting Elsa to open up to her, filled her body with warmth. Elsa poured both girls their next shot and raised her glass up to her lips. Anna instinctively did the same. This time Elsa did not take the shot quickly. Instead, she sipped on the drink slowly, as if she needed the time to get ready for what she was going to say next. Anna drank her own shot in the same fashion, the two girls’ eyes locked on each others, as a sort of tension built up between them while they drank.

“I’ve been running from something” Elsa started tentatively. “And that caused me to run away from people close to me as well.” She closed her eyes and bowed her head.

“Anna I am so sorry, I know I’ve been distant from you…” She opened her eyes again and looked back at her sister.

“But I am done running from this. I meant it when I said today we face fear.” She declared resolutely. She picked up the bottle, took one more shot directly from it, and slammed it back down on the table.

“Anna, I’m gay.”

Anna’s mouth fell open. She blinked, processing what Elsa just said. Suddenly, everything made sense. Why Elsa had been so distant, so hard to read. And why she now seemed like a changed woman. She had now accepted herself. Anna felt so privileged to finally get to see the real her and felt so happy to see her so relaxed and confident in her own skin.

“Oh Elsa!” Anna cried out with emotion, rushing to hug her sister. “I’m so glad you felt you could tell me this… I… I love you. I’ll be here for you no matter what.” She declared, holding her sister in a deep embrace, drinking in the feeling of being so close after what felt like a lifetime of being kept at a distance. Once again, she inhaled Elsa’s scent. This time however, it did not cause panic, but rather a pleasant sensation to ripple through her body. This felt so amazing, this felt so right. Anna’s head was swimming as alcohol and happiness coursed through her. She gently caressed her sister’s shoulders and back as she held her, wishing the moment would never end.

“So will you read it?” Elsa asked nervously.

Huh?

Apparently, Elsa had continued talking as Anna had gotten lost in the moment. The alcohol was starting to really kick in now.

“Uh sure.”

Elsa reached for her phone and opened a document, shakily handing the device to a bewildered Anna who wasn’t exactly sure what her sister was asking her to read. She was obviously anxious about what Anna would think. As Anna started to read it, her pulse started to race.

I can’t believe I am writing this, but I want to take the time to make sure I say this right.

I am truly sorry for how I’ve pushed you away lately, but I needed to be sure of what is in my heart. I thought I could run from this, but our time apart has only solidified how I feel… I need you, more than I have ever needed anyone or anything. The way I feel when I am with you; like I am floating on clouds, like I could take on any challenge, like I am finally whole and complete…

Anna couldn’t believe it; this was a love letter. A love letter to her. Anna knew she should be outraged, she should be disgusted, but she was neither. This felt right. She feared what this meant, but it was a good fear, the kind of fear you get before you go on a thrilling ride.

“Oh Elsa…” Anna said, her voice cracking with emotion as her eyes filled with water. “This is beautiful.” She glanced back down at the phone.

I want you to know you are the most beautiful women I have ever met, and if you give me another chance, I promise I am done running. I am ready to accept who I am. I am ready for you Honeymaren.

…

Honeymaren??

“Who the hell is Honeymaren?”

“My girlfriend silly. Wow, you really weren’t paying attention, were you?” Elsa said, teasing her sister. Anna was blindsided. Of course the letter wasn’t for her, it was for her girlfriend. She must have mentioned her when Anna had momentarily lost focus on the conversation and Elsa had asked her to read this letter.

Girlfriend. Elsa has a girlfriend. And she is in love with her. And she thinks she is the most beautiful woman in the world…

Anna felt sick. Her whole world was spinning, and her chest felt tight. The water in her eyes was no longer from happiness, but from a far uglier emotion that she dared not contemplate. This letter was no longer beautiful, it was the most vile, despicable thing she had ever seen. A million questions flew threw her mind.

When did they meet?

How long has this been going on?

Have they…?

What the hell kind of name is ‘Honeymaren’ anyway?

Who the fuck is this dyke-bitch that has my sister writing lame love notes, and ready to spread her legs and les out?

From Elsa’s horrified expression Anna immediately knew her drunken mouth had said that last one aloud. The older girl recoiled from her sister, and practically leapt up from the coach.

“OH MY GOD ANNA!” She shouted, her voice filled with hurt and anger. “What kind of sick game we are playing here?” Tears welled up in her eyes.

“You liquor me up, so I bare my soul to you, so you can just use it to attack me?” Elsa shot at her sister.

“No Elsa, I…”

“Well congratulations! You Win!”

“Elsa, I’m sorry. I… I wasn’t calling you a…” Anna’s voice trailed off, she realised mid-sentence that insulting her girlfriend probably wasn’t any better.

“You know, I expected this sort of response from some of the small-minded people in this town. I was even nervous of telling mom and dad. But not…” Elsa’s voice caught in her throat. She looked skyward for a moment as tears fell down her cheeks.

“…Not from you.” She said painfully, her voice cracking on the final word as she could no longer hold back her sobs. She turned around and fled up the stairs to her room. Anna chased after her, not wanting what had been such a wonderful day to end like this, but Elsa physically pushed her out of the room.

“Just leave me alone! It’s obvious how you feel about it!” She shouted as she slammed the door.

Anna ran into her room, threw herself onto her bed, and sobbed violently into her pillow as the whole room spinned. This had been a near perfect day, the happiest she had been in what felt like years. Now she was spiralling down into a dark pit, the pain she felt sharper than any she had ever experienced.

How had this happened? Anna went over it in her mind. Elsa had finally opened up to her, and she responded by essentially calling her a slut, and her girlfriend a bitch. She threw in a homophobic slur for good measure. All in the span of about four seconds. If there was an Olympic sport for ruining your relationship with your sister, Anna figured she would now hold the world record.

Anna eventually regained enough composure to sit up in her bed and look across the room at her reflection in the mirror. Her chest heaved with heavy breaths and her cheeks burned. Her red and puffy eyes shed silent tears that streamed down her face. She had been so close to happiness only moments ago, but now she was a broken shell.

She once again went over the last moments between her and her sister, trying to understand her own behaviour. What in the world possessed her to say those nasty things to her? She shouldn’t have reacted the way she had; she should have been happy, happy for her sister, happy that she had shared such an intimate detail. But she wasn’t. She was… Angry?  But what right did she have to be angry?

She thought about the letter Elsa had her read, and her stomach clenched. The name Honeymaren flashed across her mind’s eye, and she felt her pulse race. It was then that she glanced at her mirror again and caught the pained and angry look on her face and the obvious truth struck her like a bolt of lightening.

She was Jealous. She wanted to have been the one to whom that letter was written. She was Jealous of someone she didn’t even know named Honeymaren.

“Oh my god…” She said miserably to her reflection.

“You are in love with your sister.”

To be continued…(sorry!) If you enjoyed this, watch for it on AO3.