#almost kissing but the rain stops and one awkwardly steps out

[bearlytolerant]

Why did I choose to write a slow burn?

To cause the yearning within myself.

[kotoku]

Hello! I saw your requests are open and I'm wondering if I can request some fluff with Dr. Ratio and a reader cuddling/hugging him for the first time after seemingly being afraid of affection and touching at the start of the relationship.

Thank you for your time<3 Hope you're doing alright!

ᴏɴᴇ ꜱᴛᴇᴘ ᴀᴛ ᴀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ

pairings - dr ratio x reader

content - reader is gender-neutral/ established relationship/ reader is touch-starved asf

warnings - mentioned past abuse/negligence

⋘ ʟᴏᴀᴅɪɴɢ... ⋙

From the start of your relationship with Veritas, you had never fully cuddled or held him in your arms. Physical affection was uncharted territory and the unknown made your stomach twist and turn. From what you saw and learned from your parents growing up, ‘physical affection’ was just things being thrown around and negligence, so you never knew what it felt like to hold someone’s hand, to hug someone and feel their warmth, to kiss them gently. You craved affection, but you were scared of it. 

So when Veritas had confessed to you, you were terrified. You had warned him that you were not familiar with expressing physical affection, that it would take some time before you could properly hold and kiss him. But to your surprise, that was the least of his worries. 

He was patient, always respecting your boundaries and asking questions. Otherwise, he’d buy you trinkets and do small acts of service to show that he cared deeply for you. You loved that about him. You loved everything about him. 

The first time you held hands, you felt your body heat up, palms growing sweatier by the second before letting go and apologizing. But Veritas didn’t mind, he was proud of you. He was happy that you were taking small steps as he suggested. 

Other than hand-holding, there wasn’t much. You’d sit next to each other with your shoulders and legs touching, you’d cross your legs over him when watching a movie, and sometimes you’d even lay your head in his lap and vice versa. Physical affection was slowly being explored and you were loving every second– every moment of it despite the lingering hesitation you felt. 

One stormy night, the thunder and lightning had startled you, rendering you unable to sleep. No matter what you did, like drinking tea or reading a book, nothing was working, and the storm only continued to worsen outside the walls. 

Veritas instantly noticed your predicament, closing his book with a sigh before speaking up. 

“_____… Is it alright for you if we cuddle? I’m sure it will help you rest.” 

Glancing at Veritas, you nervously fidgeted with your fingers. You saw no reason to decline, as no other option was working.

“Alright, uhm.” You crawled onto the bed next to him, laying down awkwardly as he turned off the bedside lamp. “How do we–?” “Here.”

Veritas slowly pulled you into his embrace, arms securely wrapping around your waist and cushioning your head. You gasped in surprise, your heart beating against your ribcage, almost wanting to burst out. Your breathing grew heavier, attempting to stabilize it but failing miserably as the proximity flustered you. Veritas peered down at you with a concerned gaze, beginning to move away before you stopped him.

“I-It’s okay! I’m just a little uh..nervous.” You reassured, eyes closing to focus on your breathing. 

A couple of minutes had passed, the rain outside continuing to pelt against the roof in a calming rhythm. It helped ease your mind, your heart beating much slower than before and your breathing returning to its normal pace. You cracked your eyes open, looking up at Veritas who was already observing you, making sure you were okay with this.

Slowly, you inched closer to him, your face hiding against his chest near the crook of his neck. You could hear his heart beating, his breath fanning against your head, and the heat of his body. The smell of his natural scent and shampoo flooded your senses, making you feel fuzzy and warm.

…It felt nice. 

His arm gently tightened around you, being mindful to not squeeze or suffocate you. You slid your free arm along his side, coming to rest around his waist while your other hand was placed on his chest. 

The two of you adjusted your position only by a little bit to ensure the comfort of both of you. 

“Thank you..Veri,” you mumbled, finding it hard to keep your eyes open for longer. You felt his chest vibrate as he hummed.

“Of course, My Love.”

A brief silence passed over the two of you, the sound of thunder had ceased and only rain was left. Focusing on both the rain and the man next to you, you could feel your mind slowly beginning to drift off to sleep. 

“I love you, Veritas.”

“I love you too, _____.” 

⋘ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ! ⋙

[squiddy-god]

Like a moth to a flame

(Moth! Idia x reader )

This is apart of the monster!Twst AU that I have, re-upload from terminated blog squid-god-supreme

It was a dark and stormy night, the full moon shining through the dark storm clouds that poored heavy rain all night. You sat in bed, bundled up in the multitude of blankets and pillows. The only light in your dark room was the light from your phone screen, the dings and quiet music filling the room along with the sound of rain pittering against the windows.

You were kinda lonely, living alone in the old farm house, the so called “cursed” Woods just behind your house. You chuckled to yourself, you knew the woods wen’t cursed, you knew why people said that it was, the so called “monster” In the woods, with gleaming yellow eyes and sharp teeth, hair like fire straight from hell, pale skin with dark markings like ash and shout. And while most of these things were true, he certainly wasn’t a monster.

A loud knock on your window almost scared you out of your skin. You looked at your window and saw two glowing yellow eyes peeking through. You unbundled yourself and walked over to open it quickly, pulling in the thing from outside. You shut your window quickly and rushed off to grab towels. The tall figure stood there in the dark awkwardly, his hair and fur giveing off a gentle blue glow.

You came back, using your elbow to flip on the lights as your arms were full of towels.

You rushed over and began to dry him off, drapeing a large towl over his head and drying off the rest of him. Once he was dry you pulled him into a hug. “What a coincidence, I was just thinking about you! ” You said happily. “Really!? I just came to… I just… I wanted to see you, maybe game a bit? Maybe cuddle” He said, one hand scratching his cheek slightly, the rossy blush showing vividly on his pale skin.

You stepped back getting a good look at him. His sharp yellow eyes surrounded by dark circles, his pale blue lips that hid sharp pointed teeth, his long blue hair that cascaded like a waterfall down his back and framed his face, it really did look like fire. On top of his head was a set of dark grey entenas, they drooped down slightly almost looking like strands of DNA, they made him look cute. He had pale skin his sides a ashy grey that stopped at his neck, he had two sets of lanky arms, the forearms of each arm covered in thick, fluffy blue fur, the same fiery locks as his hair. It was the same around his neck, thick fluffy fur. His wings were also large, dark grey not quite black, each one with smetrical markings, a deep blue skull on each one.

You wrapped your arms around him in a tight hug, giggling as the fur around his neck tickled your cheek. Fore slim but strong arms wrapped around you, his face nuzzling into your hair to hide his excited grin and bright red cheeks. Your affection would never stop flustering the shy moth, but gods did he want it. Your hugs and kisses, your sweet words and head pats, he craved it. You were the only human- no, the only anything besides ortho that he ever socialsed with, the only other persons company that he craved. Even if he was still shy around you, he still wanted to be around you.

You walked him over to your bed and layed down letting him lay his head on top of your chest, arms wrapped tight around you as the piter-patter of rain mixed with the sound of his calm breathing. His eyes closed tightly as a tiny smile painted his face alongside the bright blush.

You seemed to lay there for hours in each other’s arms as you gently patted his hair, being carful not to hurt his entenas. “So how’s ortho doing? ” You asked. He humed gently before responding, “he doing good, gos on lots of walks to town, makes me worried about him… Again. ” There was a moment of pause as you both thought for a moment. “I could always take him into town, that way you know he’s safe” You said kissing the top of his head, his hair and fur illuminating the immediate space around the two of you. “Y-you’d do that? I’m sure ortho will be happy to hear that” If possible he seemed to snuggle even further against you.

So you layed like that, bundled in blankets and surrounded by pillows, Cuddled up to each other happy and content. You were both relaxed in each other’s company. Nice and warm. Drawn to each other like moths to a flame.

[goodolddumbbanana]

A brief visit - Sun and Dark Sun having a conversation

The sound of the rain falling heavily. It felt strange that he could no longer hear the sound of the waves crashing against the wooden steps or the branches hitting the glass door anymore. The not-so-calm darkness rolled in dark clouds heavy with the scent of water, fingernails dragging their gnarled, shriveled forms into the deep sky, creating streaks of withered lightning.

The smell of earth was thick in the air. Static electricity crackled in Sun’s veins, running like a burn around his organs, kissing his trembling hands lovingly.

“—Moon was attacked by Nexus—”

Solar’s ​​voice faded with the sound of the rain, blending into the background noise like a dead ringer in his ears. There was something alluring about the way the weather knew how to capture a person’s mood, the heavy pounding on the roof so close to the feeling of something hammering against Sun’s chest.

Why should he be surprised? Hadn’t Sun known that already, since that day in the gloom of that cage, when that person’s red eyes stared at him with an unyielding, unchanging blankness? When that person throws out those cruel words without remorse, or the malicious satisfaction of treating their only sister as ‘Collateral damage’?

“–we need to increase security at the lab, while Nexus still hasn’t found what he needs yet. It will be a long night. Do you want to come with us, Sun?”

Orange like a paradise flower, yellow like molten honey, the orange animatronic’s eyes approached him with the same excessive care as if treating a scared animal. A faint stench clung to Solar, wrapping around Moon like a rope around her neck.

‘You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, Sun.’

The subtle pity in Solar’s ​​voice, the way their hands hesitantly reached out to comfort Sun awkwardly, made a part of Sun inexplicably angry.

Why did Solar think he needed comforting when Moon was the one being tortured and was still there?

The rain was still louder than anything else in this room. The light was so blinding that he almost wanted to sit down. It felt like everything was moving so slowly, yet so fast. Moon looked exhausted , a few gasps from his brother made Sun almost unconsciously touch his neck.

Was it a common technique for torturing animatronics, to make them feel like they were choking to death?

Or did Nexus know that the Creator had come for them?

The quiet, gentle voice from the past was like a slap in Sun’s face, like it was pulling at the strings behind his head. The cold pressed down on Sun's bones, which was incomprehensible since he was just a machine.

'At least I'm not the one hallucinating the person I killed, Sun.'

'You both know there's nothing you can do to stop me from getting out of here–'

'It seems like there's still a little bit of Eclipse left in you, Sun–'

"Sun? Sun??—"

"–Yes?!" Sun shook his head, trembling a little. He couldn't even remember what he was saying, both Solar and Moon's eyes turned to look at him with these expressions of concern.

It was frustrating, confusing, all the emotions that were boiling up in his throat right now, it really made Sun want to throw up or break something.

"Haha— I don't think I'm going anywhere. I don't think I can help you two."

Sun laughed nervously and shook his head. Was his voice too shaky? Would Solar and Moon notice? They shouldn't, there were more important things to worry about. And Sun, as always, was no help in what they needed.

‘You are really useless, huh Sun?’ The malice whispered back to him, so gentle it felt like someone was ripping his heart and lungs out.

“You two go ahead first, I think I will take a break.” Sun waved his hand as ostentatiously as he could, trying to appear unaffected and cheerful. His eyes lingered on a few cat hairs on the sofa, then ran down the cozy, creamy-colored wall.

Like, if he scratched his hand across the wallpaper, would the discomfort Sun felt right now go away?

“Are you okay to be alone, Sun? We don’t know when Nexus will attack again.”

“And his next target could be you, Sun.”

Moon’s cough mixed with his brother’s strained voice hurt Sun’s ears like lead. For a moment, he couldn’t even remember what the gap between Nexus and Moon’s memories was like, the fear of being hurt and the violence still felt familiar like a warm blanket draped over him.

He should hate Nexus now, but in reality, Sun only felt as empty as a broken bell striking an empty space.

“I think Nexus would care more about those Wither shards than you do, Moon. Look—” Sun moved closer, his feet almost touching Moon’s knees. He put his arms around Moon’s shoulders, trying to sound as cheerful and steady as possible. His brother’s body still had small cracks, visible under the sensors on Sun’s fingertips.

How many times has Moon been injured since he returned?

The Creator, the Goliath attack, and then this. 

Could he protect Moon? Could Sun protect anyone?

Why did everything he tried to hold on to seem like sand in the palm of his hand?

“–‌ I’ll be fine, Moon. I have magic, and if anything happens, I can just teleport to Atlas.”

The clock ticked slowly, steady, making Sun felt uneasy.

The red eyes looked at him with concern mixed with suspicion, as if they believed that Sun would definitely do something stupid. Being loved by Moon was always like living in a lighthouse, you don’t know when the light is broken. Sometimes it was also disorienting, especially when his brother’s grip always seemed to suffocate Sun.

A slow nod made Sun’s heart sigh in relief. The accompanying voice was firm, emphasizing that they would be back soon, unconsciously causing the corners of Sun’s mouth to lift. The light from the multidimensional portal flashed, and it wasn’t until the two blue figures disappeared into the space that Sun dared to tremble and sit down.

Like a broken string, no part of Sun’s body wanted to move. He took a deep breath, almost imagining a stream of white smoke coming out of his mouth.

The name Nexus was still a hot knife cutting through the butter that was Sun’s heart. It seemed like it was Sun’s curse to always be haunted by a ghost of someone who was no longer there.

‘Don’t think about it anymore, he doesn’t care about you anymore…’

‘Stop it, just let that bastard’s body go to his death…’

‘—Whether he goes crazy or not is not your responsibility!’ 

Sun muttered. He knew what it felt like to use star power. It was addictive, but it was also very painful.

The fact that Nexus had overused it without any concern, already raising a red flag inside Sun’s head. Though, addicted to Negative star power. What a dummy, Sun sneered. Guess who was the one who kept butting his head into the sand right now, Nexus?

A cool sensation spread across Sun’s face, causing him to unconsciously touch it. Black, oily liquid flowed from his eye sockets. A few drops slipped through Sun’s fingers, falling loosely on the floor like a mushroom cap, smearing a stain on the worn brown carpet.

Oh… He was crying. It was strange because Sun didn’t feel so angry that he had to cry. The anger and fear were like butterflies skimming over water, just simmering coldly, not surging like when Nexus almost killed Earth.

Should he be sad that Nexus was actively ignoring him? Because that person in that damn stubborn mind no longer considered him a brother? Because Solar had always been the better person, even a better friend and brother to Nexus while he… Was only good at making things worse?

‘You gave up on me so quickly, it makes me wonder if when you finally kill me to save this family, will my ghost haunt you?’

‘When sometimes, I still know you look at me like I’m a ghost to the living, Sun?’

Was it a hallucination of Nexus or the voice in his head whispering? Was this a nightmare? A trick from the Creator?

The mental exhaustion made Sun want to run away cowardly. Cover his ears and scream until the things that could hurt him disappeared.

But he couldn’t. He didn’t have the luxury to act like a child, or that at the end of the day, good things would come to him.

‘Wipe your tears and stand up like you always do, Sun.’ Sun gritted his teeth. Using his fingertips to pinch his nostrils, he took a deep breath to stop the remaining oil from spilling out. Maybe his system was overloaded again, and some of the pipes had ruptured, causing some of the oil in his body to leak elsewhere. It’ll be fine Sun, your fan is running smoothly again.

It’ll probably take a dozen gallons of bleach to clean that carpet, though. Sun thought absentmindedly, leaning his head back against the pillow, too exhausted to enjoy the soft fabric caressing Sun’s metal back. The thunder was still rumbling outside the door, and it felt familiar to find himself alone on a rainy day again.

Sure, there was Jack and Dazzle down there, but really, who could he talk to? Not Moon about this, obviously. And Solar… Sun didn’t want to stress them out any more, especially when Solar had already been through a ton of things right after her resurrection.

He was alone.

Sun needed Moon, but the truth was he was lost in his own thoughts.

A soft knock on the door interrupted Sun’s depressing mood. Sun’s eyes darted to the door, seeing nothing but a yellow figure. A familiar face that Sun should have been afraid of, but he just sighed in annoyance and lifted himself up.

“Wait, I’m coming out now!” His voice stuttered, weaving together. It still wasn’t normal, but at least, he no longer sounded like he was about to cry.

The wooden door opened, revealing a version of himself that looked exactly like him, the only difference being the deadly red eyes that seemed to have bitten their own heart. They stood there, clean, dry, the complete opposite of the mess Sun had just made for himself. The red adorned them like a king, even if they were identical, Dark Sun still gave the feeling that he was much more dangerous.

“Why are you here?” Sun grumbled. He was too exhausted to play these mind games with this guy right now, and honestly, he didn’t care enough about everything at the moment.

“It’s been a while, haven’t I been able to visit?” His counterpart shrugged and chuckled, still in the same polite, slightly shy tone. Dark Sun always tried to treat him as well as the kids at daycare, which Sun didn’t understand why.

With a heavy sigh, Sun turned around, letting Dark Sun enter his own home. “How did you find this place? No, more like, how do you all keep finding our place?”

“I could say I had bots tracking your every move, but honestly, it wasn’t that hard to find when you guys upload everything to Youtube.” Dark Sun hummed, ignoring the nasty words about Fazbear under Sun’s breath.

‘Meow~’

The cat’s meow rang out. The dumb one, who was probably bored of playing outside again, was meowing miserably as he charged inside the door. It wrapped around Dark Sun’s leg before retreating in a daze, then lunged at Sun’s pants with a loud hiss.

“Hmm. Smart.” Dark Sun hummed. “It knows who is his master.” Their hands dropped, as if to try to lure the cat at Sun’s feet closer.

“Don't praise him like that. He’s just an idiot.” Sun blandly pulled a towel from his pocket and held the dumb one to wipe him down. The cat’s wet fur was arranged in sharp, brush-like strips that brushed against Sun’s hand, smelling like the cat had just dove into a pile of mud after falling asleep in a nearby sewer.

As if the towel had rubbed the dumb one’s butt too hard, it squealed and struggled out of Sun’s hands and jumped into Dark Sun’s arms, ironically, as if Sun were the evil one here.

“Oh hold still, you idiot!” Sun shouted before taking a deep breath and pointing at Dark Sun. “Can you hold the cat for a moment so I can finish wiping him down?”

“Sure.” Dark Sun hummed, holding the gray cat’s hips gently, too gentle for someone who was supposed to do a lot of terrible things.

“Still, it’s surprising how calm you are when you see me. I thought you’d be screaming for Moon.” Then the warmth Sun had felt vanished like it had never been there. Disintegrated into smoke and mist, and the red eyes that had cut themselves off from the world were tinged with sadistic pleasure.

The all-too-familiar feeling of being examined under a microscope, like Sun was just some toy too interesting to be broken right now shaking Sun to his core.

It feels wrong. It looks too damaged and brutal to be a Sun. 

It made Sun feel sick and nauseous. He wanted to press his fingers against that faceplate, he wanted to dig his claws into it and rip it off, to prove that there was a monster down there.

Sun’s disgust was caught by Dark Sun. And honestly, he had no intention of hiding it.

The two stood stubbornly in the middle of the house, neither willing to give in. The cold wind blew in, carrying the tattered leaves and the scent of wet water into Sun’s house. The smell of ozone wafted through the air, thunder rumbled behind, waves of water lapping up the stairs.

“You’ll find a way in any way.” Sun closed his eyes. “So what are you planning… Moon isn’t here. Or these shards”

“Why would I want it? It is Nexus’s favorite, not me. What I want is just ‘some chattings’ with people I know.” Dark Sun chuckled when perceived the disgusted and confusing on Sun’s face.

They are not entirely the same but they know when the other is trying to be a little shit.

The cat was gently released from Dark Sun’s arms. They stood up, their silhouettes against the light forming a black silhouette, only their red eyes still sparkling towards Sun.

A dejected sigh came from Dark Sun.

“Ha— Guess you’re not in the mood right now. Fine, I came to warn you.” Dark Sun spoke slowly, the words dragging together gracefully. Their hands moved, the tips of their fingers pointing at Sun with great eloquence.

“I’m not sure if you understand, but you’re not in the safe zone right now.”

“Wha–t?! You mean Nexus? We’re prepared—” Sun flinched, stiffening. His words were immediately cut off by Dark Sun.

“No. I believe… that… you can handle them yourself. Well… for now, at least. But, there are bigger things than Nexus, you know.”

Dark Sun gestured for Sun to open his hand. Their movements were steady, as if not wanting to make Sun back down. And though Sun’s trust in them was as small and fragile as spider webs, he trusted them enough not to be this level of foolishness to do something as utterly despicable as kidnapping him here.

Tremblingly and hesitantly, Sun did what they wanted. A sudden electric spark ran through Sun’s system, not too painful, just a little ticklish. The shortness of breath and restlessness that had been there since Dark Sun’s appearance suddenly rushed back, manifesting itself in the form of a tiny, very tiny purple fragment of the Wither storm that glowed faintly in Dark Sun’s hand.

“Wha-t is this..?” Sun stuttered. “Why are you giving me this?”

Sun clumsily grabbed his hand and held it carefully to his chest. Just like last time, there was no pain or extreme exhaustion that Moon described. It was just like a piece of stardust in Sun’s hand, right after their connection was established.

“If the Wither Storm was formed from negative star power, then Nexus would become stronger by absorbing it.”

“But you, Sun, you are not affected by these celestial fragments at all, right?”

“Makes one wonder, is there any way to counter Nexus’ negative star power?”

“What do you mean? I don’t understand? Why are you giving me this?”

Sun’s voice was too loud, too loud, to alert Dazzle. But he didn’t understand, couldn’t understand what Dark Sun meant. He was just a fool, he wasn’t smart, Dark Sun couldn’t just throw that thing at him and—

“Try to figure it out for yourself, Sun.” There was a certain sigh, like the way Sun stared disappointed at himself in the mirror every morning. Dark Sun walked out the door, their faces not quite satisfied, the way they moved their words as if they were swallowing pebbles.

“Ah… a little advice, Sun. You should be careful with who you choose to be friends with. I just say… who knows if they might try to stab you in the back again?”

“What??”

“Bye, Sun.” Dark Sun sighed. The animatronic yellow figure stood at the door, looking strangely lonely for some reason. “Ta-tah…”

The rain had stopped. He stood alone in the middle of the room, even opening his hand to see if what he was experiencing was a dream or reality. The light from the Wither shards still flickered in his hand, almost radiating a gentle energy.

The purple reflected in Sun’s pearly eyes, and in that moment, he whispered.

“How am I going to tell Moon now?”

[halfmoonshines]

I'll Always Know You

summary; a series of events following bucky barnes and the reader

hurt/comfort, fluff

You had decided about fifteen minutes ago that this was probably your dumbest idea to date; now you were just miserable. The thunder boomed loudly overhead, the sky bucketing rain down on you like a small monsoon. You'd long abandoned the newspaper you'd fruitlessly held overhead to stay dry.

Why didn't you accept the ride from your work partner? You knew the storm was rolling in but you were so hellbent on being self sufficient.

You didn't hear the car roll to a stop on the empty street next to you, the rain putting a quiet blanket on everything but itself. But the voice that broke through definitely scared the shit out of you.

"Miss?"

You jumped, turning to the dark haired man standing opposite you. You probably would've thought his broad shoulders and defined muscles you could see beneath his quickly soaking wet shirt were attractive if you weren't immediately afraid of being murdered.

"Yes?" You replied with a subconscious step back.

His smile was tentative, hands half raising in a surrender. "I was driving by and noticed you fighting for your life against the wind. Could I offer you a ride?"

Every cell in your 21st century body said that you should turn around and start running. Never accept rides from strangers, even handsome ones. But it was truly storming now and you were still a twenty minute walk through the city home.

Sensing your hesitance, he tacked on. "You could either risk me being a murderer or almost definitely die to mother nature or pneumonia."

"Fair point." You followed him to his car.

--

Turns out, that would just be the first time you saw Bucky Barnes.

He showed up at your door three days after the rain incident, and you were almost freaked out if you hadn't been kicking yourself for not giving him your number.

"Sorry for just showing up, but I was wondering if you'd be interested in grabbing some coffee?" The arm positioned awkwardly scratching his head and the nervous smile on his face was enough to make your suspicions melt fully. Ted Bundy be damned.

"Let me grab my coat."

--

Turns out Bucky likes warm mochas, and also holding hands. You learned a lot about him over the next few weeks; his likes and dislikes. You fit together like the last pieces of a puzzle, you barely noticed the months passing and when you started leaving clothes at his apartment.

"You're kidding me, you've never seen Pitch Perfect? It's like quintessential 2010's cinema."

Bucky's laugh never failed to warm you inside. "I was a bit busy during that decade."

Your eyebrows scrunched, those little comments only confusing you. "The whole decade? What are you, 80?"

"Not quite."

---

"Would you still love me if I was a cat?"

"Yes." His reply was instant, warm arms wrapped around you while he leaned down for a kiss.

You dodged his lips, a playful smile on your own. "How would you know it's me?"

His hand found your cheek, pulling you in for a demanding kiss. The feeling of his mouth on yours always electrified you.

"I'll always know you."

---

The first time you felt he ever truly lied to you was a year in, which is a considerable span, as you tried to rationalize.

But there was no rationalizing the photo in your hand. A black and white snapped picture of your long term boyfriend, James Barnes, in a WW11 military uniform. Same boyish smile, same stance. The only difference was the haunted look that seemed to plague your Bucky.

There had to be an explanation, right? I mean vampires weren't real. This wasn't Twilight. A distant relative maybe?

A voice in the back of your head was insistent that this was him.

"Bucky?" You called him to the room before you could lose your nerve.

His smile was easy when he entered the room, but you couldn't help but notice the tenseness that filled him when he noticed the box you'd be rifling through.

"What's up, Doll?"

You lifted the picture along with an eyebrow, nervousness trickling into your stomach. "Who's this?"

He paused for only a second before it was like a switch flipped in him, and his smile eased back. "That's my grandpa. I don't really display his pictures for the sake of my sanity. We could be twins." He snatched the picture from you, depositing it back in the box.

"I'll say. You look the exact same." Your head was cocked to the side, a question still sitting on your lips.

"Strong genes."

---

He should've told her. No, he should've never gone back to her apartment. Never pulled his car over in that fucking downpour. All he ever brought with him was death and tragedy, and Bucky was terrified that she was about to make that list.

"We're five out." Sam's voice was carefully guarded, knowing his partner was on edge.

It was just a normal day a few hours ago when Bucky had come home to the door of their apartment hanging off it's hinges.

His panic was instant and only mounted when he searched the home and found nothing but signs of struggle and you missing. It was always a fear gnawing at the back of his mind. He had plenty of enemies, people he'd ruined the lives of. It was negligent to keep you in the dark, to even keep contact with you. But James Barnes was a selfish man.

When the jet landed and his boots hit the wet concrete, he wasn't Bucky. He was the soldier. And he would bring you home.

---

The sight of you, broken on the examination table was almost enough to take his knees out from under him. He put a steadying hand on the door frame to your room while Bruce gave him a diagnosis he had feared.

"It seems like they experimented on her. Traces of nodes connected to her neck and head. Until she wakes up I won't be able to tell the extent of damage, if there even is any. Worse case... she doesn't remember you."

Fuck. Bucky's breathing was shallow. If he could go back and rip every single man in that facility apart slowly, he would. Even then it wouldn't be enough to punish them.

Maybe you not remembering him was a blessing. Maybe you'd be safer.

--

The lights over you were like the blazing sun, and the only thing you could assume was that you had an insane hangover. Your brows pulled together, eyes squinting to recognize your surroundings. Vaguely clocking the IV attached to your arm, your vision started to clear and so did your thoughts.

Being at home, the bang of the door coming open, men swarming you.

And then nothing.

Your heart rate quickened, panicking now to inspect what was around you. You'd been taken, like some cliche movie. But by who? Why?

Just as your panic was mounting to a full blown freak out, your eyes found a familiar figure to your left. Head hanging off the back of the chair he was passed out in, your boyfriend was a more than welcome sight.

"James." Your voice was hoarse, scratchy, but he awoke instantly.

He was wordless, flying out of his chair and onto his knees beside you. Your handsome man was haggard, dark bags under his eyes and mussed hair. His warm hands roving your face distracted you from his gaunt appearance.

"Do you know who I am?"

His question confused you, as did the worry in his eyes. You brought your hand up to the one sitting on your cheek and gave him your best, exhausted smile. "I'll always know you."

--

a/n: have requests? submit here

[acaiasahi]

✶ even cuter ; oh junseok.

synopsis. after blurting out how cute junseok finds you, he comes up with the dumbest excuse for his words.

info. fluff. oh junseok x gn!reader [ they / them prns ]. 970 words

warnings. none. grammatical errors. lowercase and smaller text intended.

[ now playing . . . ] fall in love alone by stacey ryan.

with each step, your boots crush the snow beneath them, ears tuning out the sound of it's squeaking. you let out sigh, the heat from your breath causing a white cloud to form and disappear within the crisp afternoon air.

in all honesty, winter had to be your all time favorite season. it didn't matter if it rained, or snowed, it just felt perfect, well for you at least. you could go on and on about how winter's the best and how you can make snow angels, or that the holidays are rolling around the corner, and how excited you are for the new year.

you absolutely adored the idea of the cold weather and snow — but the rest of your body says otherwise as you shove your face further into your knit scarf, fingers reaching deeper within your coat's pockets as they search for warmth.

you quickly turn up your music, ignoring all forms of busy beings on the snowy street. your peace is quickly disrupted upon hearing muffled yelling that sounds oddly similar to your name.

stopping in your tracks, you push aside your right headphone, looking over your shoulder to investigate what you were hearing and if it actually was your name. your brows knit together in confusion but it quickly unravels as your eyes land on him.

low and behold, oh junseok comes jogging through the thick blanket of snow as he yelps out, "y/n, wait up!" you're fully facing him by then, both your noses sporting a ruby-red hue as he bends over to catch his breath.

"you walk so fast, it's almost ridiculous" he mutters jokingly, hands on his knees as puffs of his hot breath mix with the frosty air. he looks up at you, thinking you'll sympathize with him, "maybe you should walk faster? dunno, sounds like a you problem," you mutter sarcastically before shrugging and cracking a smile.

he tsks at you, hanging his head low as laughter erupts from his pretty lips. you raise your hands in surrender, "what? just a suggestion, jun!" you giggle. he sends a playful glare your way before looking away to mask the warmth spreading to his cheeks after the use of his nickname.

junseok looks down at the snowy concrete, torn between looking up at you or staying put. he's too afraid to see the sparkle in your eyes because you're just so goddam pretty. but as he stands there, your shoe's laces grab his attention.

"uh, you're shoe's untied," the words quickly tumblr from his lips and the words barely click before he kneels down. his knees quickly meet the snow-blanketed sidewalk, hands red and slightly shaky as he takes his time rolling your jeans up and out of the way as he reties the laces.

you can't help but laugh as he dusts off the remaining bits of snow that found refuge on your pants, his head nodding affirmatively before unrolling your jeans and glancing up at you from the floor.

"ta-da!" he says happily, looking up at you with a wide smile. his face is so full of pure love that even the act of him looking at you warms your heart more than the sun ever could.

"thank you, jun." you say wholeheartedly and junseok curses at himself because he just got a glimpse of that twinkle in your eyes that he's so afraid of, yet hopes it's reserved for him and only him.

he stands up and you're not sure if the blush that lightly dust his cheeks is because of you or the chilly weather but it makes his look so cute that you just want to lean up and kiss them till they're apple red.

you wave away the thought, ears burning as you both laugh awkwardly, tearing your gaze from the other. he covers his mouth with his hands, blowing hot air to keep them from freezing up.

eyeing his freezing hands, you hesitantly go to take one, only to retract it slightly. mustering all the courage in the entire universe, "can i- can i try warming them up?" your voice warmer than a cup of fresh hot cocoa.

his eyes widen up like a deer in headlights, frantically nodding before shoving his hands into yours. junseok's jaw drops slightly, eyebrow rising in anticipation as he watches you bring the palm of his hand close to your mouth and exhale on them.

just like jun, you take your time with him and give both hands an equal amount of attention before leaving a fluttering kiss upon each of his knuckles. he lets out an awkward laugh, "you're so cute," he whispers.

"what did you say?" you ask him, his hands still in yours. a blush spread across his face and across his ears, "i-i said you look like a boot..." he trails off with a crooked grin.

your lips can't help but purse, trying your best to keep in your laughter as you look away from him once more. "you're an idiot!" you giggle out, dropping his hands to cover your eyes in second-hand embarrassment.

junseok's shoulders deflate slightly, frown forming. before he can even utter the words 'never-mind' you're already standing on your tippy toes to give a soft peck to his cheek.

he holds a hand to the cheek you had kisses, eyes wide as saucers as his jaw drops slightly. you pull away quickly, looking up at him with a goofy grin before rolling your eyes.

"you're even cuter," you say sweetly. grasping his now warm hands within your own, fingers intertwining with ease.

★ atbo taglist. @kflixnet [ click here to join. ]

[ 🎧 ] jaydi's notes. hai guys, it's been awhile hardy har har i wanted to get this lil fella outta my drafts so i hope u enjoy... it kinda sucks but i'm a sucker for jun so can u blame me!!!!

© ACAIASAHI 2022 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. COPYING, TRANSLATING, AND REPOSTING IS PROHIBITED.

[lcs-library]

Uhhh heads up that this is highly based on the Beast’s Beloved Child backstage + this is just a silly no Mankai au<3(though it’s pre-y1 on the timeline)

Safeshiptember Day 19: Myth

Taglist: @dango-daydreams

Lu inhaled, taking in the scents that often lingered near this part of town. The water of the river meeting the land, the mixed odor of the bodies that meshed and flowed above her, the grass beneath her, a fresh, earthy scent, still dewy from last night’s rain.

She exhaled, the breath feeling heavy as it left her lungs, morphing into a sigh. She curled her hands into fists, peeling the grass below from the earth. She released them, brushing her hands across the ground as she sat idly.

There was nobody else around her. Nobody to judge her aside from the passerby above and the cats that often came through. It wasn’t like their opinions mattered anyway. Well, except for the cats, and they always seemed to like her.

Speaking of, there was a pair of fluffy ears peeking out from below the water’s surface today. That was odd.

Lu moved closer, crawling to kneel beside the bank to get a closer look. They were rounded, almost like a wildcat’s, bearing white fur with blue stripes. That was even stranger than the fact they were even there in the first place. Maybe the cat they belonged to was far from home?

They twitched, startling her. The water continued to rush past, almost hiding them from view. Lu looked up, hoping that at least one other person saw what might have been a delusion.

Not a soul looked down, nor bothered to stop for a moment.

So she was by herself in this. Cool. This had better not be a delusion.

She reached out slowly, carefully, as not to disturb whatever being bore these ears. Her hand barely kissed the surface of the water before a bit of pink hair(fur?) popped up, the ears on top of it flicking about, clearing the water out of them.

Lu giggled, patting the fur, happy to have at least a little company, no matter how strange it was.

However, the second she rubbed the creature’s head, it dove back beneath the surface, leaving a small splash in its wake. She sighed.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” she called gently.

Silence.

“Can you please come out?”

A pause, before the top of the creature’s head poked out again, revealing the, somehow dry, pink fur. Lu patted it once more, as if asking for it to reveal itself, to show her its full form.

Thankfully, it received her invitation, and stood up, stepping out of the water.

It revealed itself to be a young boy, looking to be about her age, though a bit shorter than her, with deep pink hair and matching eyes that sparkled in the light. He was clad in traditional-looking attire in shades of pink and white, topped with a pink veil he pulled tightly over his tiger ears, his most notable feature.

His gaze was downcast, looking to the grass he had stepped out onto with his bare feet as his tail swished back and forth, taking in the new environment.

Just as Lu couldn’t think the situation could get any stranger, he was joined by a companion, a small white tiger cub that burst from the stream and onto the boy’s shoulder.

She blinked, her eyebrows raised as she tried to process the situation she was thrown into.

“It’s…nice to meet you?” She finally greeted, trying to prompt him to make eye contact.

The boy only hummed, looking over to the tiger cub. This was going nowhere.

Lu looked around once more, trying to confirm that nobody saw this situation. Again, all eyes were turned as she glanced up, as if he wasn’t even there. Was he even there? Could anybody else see him?

“…too.”

“Hm?”

Lu looked back to the boy at the sound.

“It’s…nice to meet you too,” he muttered awkwardly, voice raspy and almost a whisper.

She smiled, starting to feel just a little pleased that he was finally comfortable enough to respond to her, before her eyes flicked up to find his ears.

“Do you want my hoodie?” She asked, before tacking on, “To hide your ears! Not for any romantic reason or anything, I’m just worried the veil isn’t enough!”

Before he could say anything, she was unzipping the jacket and slipping it off as he watched, the cub on his shoulder curiously doing the same. She plopped the hood on top of his ears, hoping he would put the rest on himself.

“There. Is that better?”

“Mm. Thanks.”

“Yeah, you’re welcome. You wanna sit with me for a bit?”

He looked to his pet, as if consulting it, then back to Lu, nodding. She grinned, finding the gesture oddly cute, before taking his hand, leading him to sit under a large tree with her while he nervously followed. As they sat down, the boy took his cub off of his shoulder, placing it onto his lap, before slipping off the veil to put the hoodie on properly.

“Do you have a name? Or, what are you?”

The boy gazed off at the sky, seemingly lost in thought.

“Sakuya. A suiko,” he replied monotonously.

“A suiko… so are you gonna suck my blood or eat my soul or something? You seem nice.”

“No… I don’t like that. It’s wrong.”

“Ah.”

An awkward silence. Lu glanced down to the tiger cub, watching intently as it curled up in Sakuya’s lap, purring contentedly as it basked in its rare chance to see the sun.

“What’s its name?” Lu asked, pointing to it.

Sakuya looked to it, trying not to crack a smile at the name.

“…Shrimp.”

“Shrimp?!”

Lu couldn’t keep in a smile either, trying her hardest, and failing, to suppress a giggle.

“Why Shrimp?”

“My mom decided it, not me.”

“It’s cute!” She offered her hand out. “May I?”

Sakuya nodded, and she let Shrimp sniff her hand, to which he immediately rubbed against it, purring loudly. Lu beamed, excited that he accepted her, scratching behind his ears.

Her smile slowly spread to Sakuya’s face, too, brightening both of their days, even if it was just a chance encounter.

Their moment was interrupted by a buzz in Lu’s hoodie pocket, sending a shock through Sakuya. She apologized profusely, removing her phone from its pocket to see a reminder to head home soon. She sighed.

“I’ve gotta go, it’s getting late,” she said, disappointed.

Sakuya frowned, peeling off the hoodie to hand back to her. She shook her head, refusing it.

“You can keep it, I’ve got a million,” she stated.

“I don’t wanna.”

“Then bring it back tomorrow. I’ll still be around, will you?”

Sakuya racked his brain, looking back down to Shrimp.

“I should be. So, tomorrow?”

Lu grinned, holding out her pinky.

“Tomorrow. Promise.”

Sakuya stared blankly at her until she picked up one of his hands, linking his pinky in hers. He blinked a bit in surprise before smiling again.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, standing up with Shrimp in tow to retreat towards the river.

“Mhm. See ya.”

And as Lu walked back to her home that day, she couldn’t help but feel like her days from now on were looking up.

[sourholland]

Some timothee fluff pleass :)) love your work !!

Cake || Timothée Chalamet

Summary → You go live on Instagram and bake a cake. Timothée comes home halfway through and doesn’t realize you’re live-streaming.

AN → This is just pure fluff tbh, a little short but pure fluff

Pairing(s) → Timothée Chalamet x Fem!Reader

Warnings → Strong Language

Word Count → 900

You stepped back, pressing the ‘go live’ button on your Instagram. In the shot behind you was your oven and white countertops, a few plants, and the earthy green cupboards.

Since you had done 73 questions with Vogue, your New York City penthouse apartment had become sort of famous. Everyone had absolutely died over your kitchen, adoring the many plants and bronze pots and pans hanging from the ceiling.

You were dressed in a pair of white flowing pants, overtop of it was a simple black tank top and a grey zip up that belonged to Timothée.

Within the first few seconds, thousands of people had joined the livestream. Comments began to flood in, some of them making you laugh while you leaned in to glance at the phone you’d sat against the counter. There were dozens of remarks just on the atmosphere of your apartment.

It was heavily raining outside, a thick smog covering the city. You had lit candles all throughout your’s and Timothée’s shared space. He didn’t mind the crystals scattered around, resting on windowsills and shelves. He quite often asked for you to read his tarot cards, loving the way you would sit crisscross in front of him on the carpet and explain what everything meant.

userone: im so fucking in love with you

usertwo: where’s timmy????

userthree: make a tiktok pls

You scrolled through comments, laughing at a few, making sure not to dwell on some of the harsher ones. You smiled at the few familiar friends joining the live, exchanging a bit of banter as you grabbed some ingredients out of the fridge.

“Okay—so, as you all know, I’m no chef,” you snorted, holding up the box of cake mix. “All it needs is like eggs, water, and oil—I figured I couldn’t really fuck that up.”

florencepugh: i’m disappointed y/n

oliviarodrigo: you’ll find a way y/n/n

“Flo, I’m sorry,” you whined, drawling out the y.

The soft hum of Fleetwood Mac played in the back, Spotify just barely visible behind you on your laptop. Timothée was out, and you had tried to occupy yourself, finding nothing better to do than bake.

You cracked the eggs into the large plastic bowl, grinning at the phone in the process. You couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that someone would turn these clips into an Instagram edit.

userfour: i love u sm

userfive: how do u look so effortlessly good tf

usersix: i love ur kitchen stoppppppppp

userseven: bi panic

“You guys are hysterical—shit, I think I almost put too much oil in,” you said in a hushed tone.

lydianight: NOT U LITERALLY FUCJING UP CAKE OUT OF A BOX PLEASEEE

odessaazion: ur literally so hot y/n even if u can’t make food for shit

userseven: LMAOO DID SHE EVEN READ THE BOX ???

“You guys have no faith in me,” you said, chuckling as you whisked. “It’s disheartening, really. I’m hurt!”

You jokingly placed a hand on your heart, pretending to cry. You had bits of the packaged cake mix on your cheeks, hair pulled back and out of your face. The pan was greased in front of you, This Town by Niall Horan coming on behind you.

You were so focused on getting the clumps of chocolate powder separated that you hadn’t even heard the jangle of keys at the front door, or the sound of it shutting. You held the bowl up to the camera, nodding that it looked good enough.

You yelped when a pair of hands slid over your hips, pulling them back and making you jump. Timothée turned you around a moment later and cupped the nape of your neck, pulling you in for a quick kiss. He was in a grey hoodie and black joggers, hair skewed about under a navy blue baseball cap and slightly wet.

“If the whole world was watching I’d still dance with you,” he mumbled, spinning you around in a playful dance a moment later.

“Didn’t hear you come in,” you giggled at his swaying motion.

“Yeah? I yelled your name,” he pecked your lips in between each word.

usereight: im gonna go cry now

usernine: tell me ur single without telling me ur single

userten: fuck that’s so cute

usereleven: AND NIALLLL STOP

“I’m on live,” you said, watching him look over at the phone and awkwardly wave.

“Shit, why didn’t you tell me?” He chuckled, dipping a finger into the cake mix before you could swat his hand away.

He sucked on his index finger a moment later, ignoring you as you hit him a few times with the oven mitt at your right. He snatched the wooden spoon not far from him and held it up with a wide grin.

“You sure about that?” He mused, waving it in the air.

usertwelve: when they hit each other with kitchen suppliesssss

userthirteen: i’ll never be over this

“Was the cake mix any good, at least?” You couldn’t help but ask, watching him take off the hat, ruffle his hair a bit and then put it back on.

“I love you—but it tasted like shit,” he barely got out, running as you started to swat him with the mitt again.

userfourteen: god im so alone

[iambilliejeanok]

♥️Feel better♥️

Itachi Uchiha takes care of his sick s/o who unfortunately caught a really bad cold during their mission together. Fortunately for her though, Itachi is there to take care of his baby until they get back home and Kisame is more than happy to attend to his close partners need too. (*proceeds to cry in loneliness *)

Warnings: 18+ shit man I had to come back up here and change the entire fluff message because I got horny and now it’s no longer just fluff. I tried my best sorry. There is still a toooon of fluffy lovey dovey content, Kissing, nsfw and dirty smut and slight ddlg That’s all🙂

@sleeepy-zeepy here’s one for us and our undying love for Kisame and @mangekyoitachi there’s enough Itachi for all of us to bus a nut for☺️☺️

Rain poured outside of the hotel you slept in. The hard pitter pattering on the window made you feel very uncomfortable, which was unusual because the rain usually eases your nerves, helping you fall asleep faster. Tonight however, you wouldn’t stop squirming in bed, your body feeling a little cold as you snuggled further into your lover. “Go to sleep baby”, Itachi sleepily mumbled, kissing your forehead and wrapping his arms around you to pull you closer to him. Itachi already turned the heat up in your little hotel room and he made sure to get extra blankets for you tonight, but you still shivered beside him. He lazily pulled your shirt off, your pants coming off too as you tossed under the covers, making the job a little more trickier for him. Smiling, he placed a little peck on your cheek, whispering in your ear to ease you,

“Hey y/n, just lay still, I’ll take care of the rest”, he said, attempting to pull your pant off of your clammy skin.

“Noooo!”, you whined, kicking and shoving him away with your eyes closed, the intense tingly sensation flowing through your body making you feel very agitated.

“We have to get these off of you”, he said, almost forcefully holding you still so he could get this over and done with. Itachi just knew you were coming down with a fever the moment you stepped into the hotel. The pouring rain outside having drenched you, himself as well as Kisame, but they felt fine and you were a little uncomfortable.

After washing you down in a nice hot shower he finally managed to get you in bed, and now he had to take your pajama’s off so you didn’t heat up in the night. He also thought that having your skin pressed against his would help with your shivering and constant tossing.

When he held you tight, that seemed to do the trick, the heat of his body on yours feeling amazing and the skin on skin contact fired up your blood so it traveled through your body in waves of heat. Breathing out into his chest, you had first felt the warmth spreading across both of your feet, the pleasurable heat traveling upwards until you body lay still and you began to drift in and out of a much needed sleep. Eventually you’d fallen asleep, staying tucked right under Itachi’s hold until the bright morning sun shone through the misted window, the heat from the room plus the cold outside having steamed up the window well enough that the sun didn’t feel so harsh penetrating the room you two were cuddled up in.

“Is sleepy head finally awake?”, you heard the soothing deep voice above you ask. With a quick whine you buried your face into his neck, finding a better position while trying to get the covers on top of you, whining a little louder when you failed. Chuckling, Itachi helped cover you up, the vibrations of his chest soothing you back into a deep sleep while his arms wrapped around you under the covers. “There you go”, he whispered, deeply inhaling the natural scent of your skin before slightly dozing off again. You were just so exhausted, the extra sleep you snuck in confirming Itachi’s thoughts that you were definitely getting sick. He didn’t mind sleeping in with you this morning, knowing that some cozy cuddles would help get you through this much quicker and easier. He had already told Kisame that they probably wouldn’t be leaving their room today, seeing that you were a little grumpy when they walked in the hotel last night.

Kisame had woken up in the early hours of the morning, when you and Itachi were still fast asleep, getting a good workout in before he took a shower and sat in his bed to read a book, assuming that there would be a knock on his door if ever you two were ready to go back out.

Itachi couldn’t bring himself to sleep anymore, straining his neck to look over at the time. It read 12:45pm. When was the last time he slept in until noon? Carefully, he unwrapped your warm and sticky self off of him, gently brining the covers back over you before he sat up on the bed, the feel of soft cotton on his bare feet very refreshing as he stretched and yawned. A shower and probably ordering some breakfast would wake you up. Maybe you’d have to skip a shower this morning and just have breakfast.

Slowly, your eyes fluttered open, the bright sun almost blinding you before you quickly covered yourself with the blanket. A big yawn followed by a stretch helped you wake up a little, the bed very warm and so was the room, your foot sticking out the side of the covers to test the temperature. Your throat hurt so much that even yawning was uncomfortable and you just knew that you were sick. The thought of the ongoing mission you’d have to take on today made you whine, the aches in your body bringing tears to your eyes. You could not possibly continue with your mission in this wet and cold weather. The yucky feeling washing over you enough to make you feel nauseas.

Your body automatically jumped out of the bed, making a beeline for the bathroom just in time for you to heave all the contents of your stomach out, which was mostly green tea and rice from the night before.

You couldn’t hear the door open and then shut as you still heaved over the toilet, fighting for a breath of air as your body continued to heave air over the toilet. A slightly cold hand ran down your back, another one flat against your forehead as your body finally allowed you to breathe again. “Not feeling too good today love?”, Itachi stated, wiping the wetness on your mouth with some tissues before flushing everything away. “Come here”, he said, easily scooping you in his arms to carry you to bed. “You’re very warm baby”, he said, your half naked body heating his clothed one up as he held you against him. Snuggling into his shirt, you appreciated the coolness his clothes brought against your skin from being outside the warm room.

A knock sounded at the door, Itachi quickly placing you under the covers to go and answer it. It was probably Kisame. His very close and trusted partner. “Kisame”, Itachi greeted, leaving the door open for him to enter while Itachi walked away to turn down the heat. “It’s way too hot in here Itachi”, the shark man groaned, closing the door behind him. “So she’s sick?” he asked, seeing you tossing a little under the heavy blankets. “Very”, Itachi replied, “I don’t think we should head out until she’s better. It’s just not going to work out until she’s in her right mind again”.

“I figured”, shark man replied, walking over to stand beside your bed. “Hey”, he awkwardly greeted. Noticing the bare skin of your shoulders be thought it be best he left now. At least until you were dressed. As he turned around to leave your warm hand caught his colder one, the coolness never fading away as your clammy hand remained in his large cold one. “Kisame, hey”, you whispered, your breasts now fully exposed from reaching out for his hand. Kisame felt his cheeks warm up at the lovely sight, quickly turning his head away in respect of yours and Itachi’s privacy.

“Uhm…y/n”, Kisame cleared his throat, looking over at Itachi for help, but his friend was too busy working on breakfast in the kitchen. “What’s wrong Kisa?”, came your raspy voice. “Well, your…uhm, your breasts”, Kisame answered, trying to look at everything but the voluptuous mounds on your chest, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand while the index and middle finger of his other hand were held by your loose and warm grip. “Oh sorry”, you said, letting go of his hand to snuggle further under the blankets. With a friendly huff he took a step back, turning around to walk toward the kitchen and talk to his friend, breathing in deep to ease the nerves you just spiked up.

“Kisame!”, your voice cracking at the end, a little cough escaping at your attempt to raise your voice. Shark man immediately turned on his heels, looking over at you in surprise. He was well aware of how needy and clingy you were, that was your natural personality and he kind of liked that about you. Sometimes your hugs and cheek kisses made him feel a little bit better, having you around was wholesome. He was glad you were with Itachi. The two of you were friends he never thought he’d be able to have. People that he was worried he could actually trust.

“Yes y/n…you okay?”, he asked, fully turning to face you, drowning in the comfort of your bed. Sharp white teeth peaked through his mouth when he saw your hand come out the blankets in search for his. Taking a few steps closer, he finally held your warm hand, his large one completely engulfing your own. The coolness you felt radiate from him was kind of nice and he could say the same about the warmth from your hand.

“You’re very warm y/n”, he said, running his thumb over your wrist, you wondered if he was even aware of what he was doing, smiling up at him when you responded, “Its freezing out there”. A light chuckle left his lips, “Y/n it’s ninety degrees in here , you can’t possibly still be co-”, he began to say, but his words were cut off when you casually sat up in the bed, stretching with your arm out wide before dropping it to the covers. He stood frozen in place, your hand still holding on to his. “Itachi!”, Kisame called, very loud, unable to handle the sight of your bare chest before him, your nipples a little perky from the slight change in temperature between the covers and the air around you.

“Kisame?”, Itachi responded, leaning against the door frame, “What?”, he asked, completely unphased by his half naked girlfriend holding onto his most trusted friend’s hand. Kisame looked a little confused, cocking his head in your direction while maintaining eye contact with him. A bead of sweat fell down the side of his forehead and it was not because the room was warm. “Can you get her a fucking shirt?” , Kisame finally spat out, unable to control the growing erection in his pants. “Sure”, was all Itachi said, grabbing one of his shirts from a bag pack and tossing it over at Kisame. “I have to make sure the soup doesn’t burn”, he said, hurrying to the kitchen, Kisames eyes widening in disbelief as he watched his friend disappear into the other room.

Swallowing he looked over at you and you looked right back at him, letting go of his hand to put both your arms up, your actions further exposing the shape and swell of your breasts. “What?”, Kisame asked, having long given up on not staring at your breasts, your dark and pretty brown areolae sweetly surrounding your brown nipples. Maybe they taste just as good as they loo- “Kisa?”, you called, distracting him from his heated thoughts as his eyes shot right back to yours. “Oh sorry uh, what’s up?”, he stuttered, fighting for his life trying not to stare again. “I’m ready for the shirt”, you said, lifting your arms up again. “Oh…o-okay”, he said a little confused. “Here”, he handed the shirt to you. “Please put it on for me?”, you sweetly asked, looking right into his eyes. How could he possibly say no to you. There was something so gentle about you that made him feel like he was crazy for not thinking of putting it on for you himself and for just a young second he almost understood the relationship between you and Itachi. Why you were so affectionate towards one another. It felt nice to be needed, even if it was in the smallest ways, like putting your shirt on for you.

“There”, he said, standing back so you could pull it down and fix it to your liking. “Thank you”, you yawned, lifting your arms up and making grabby hands. His eyebrows furrowed again, what’s this supposed to mean? “Pick her up”, Itachi said, bringing the breakfast into the room and placing it on the little wooden table not too far from the window. Kisame spun on his feet to look over at Itachi. This was weird. How was Itachi okay with any of this? This was his significant other. His lover. Partner. Literally his world and he was just letting him join it? “Uh, Itachi?”, he asked, now very confused. “I just saw your woman naked and now you want me to pick her up?”, he bluntly stated, unable to hold back the confusion any longer. “I don’t feel comfortable doing that”. Itachi sighed out loud enough, walking towards his friend. “Kisame, I thought we were partners?” Itachi asked.

“Yes we are”, shark man responded.

“And so is Y/N?”, Itachi asked again.

“Yes of course”.

“Then I want you to love and take care of her like you do for me. We’re all partners here and we should all take care of each other and trust one another. It also makes me quite happy that Y/N trusts you enough to ask for your care. That’s not something she takes lightly with just anyone….she’s sick and she needs both of us for a speedy recovery”,Itachi said, turning on his heels and walking away to go get another tray of food.

“Like she’s my girlfriend too?”, Kisame asked, a short huff leaving his mouth, finding the situation so ridiculous that he couldn’t help but be amused, but Itachi’s next words completely threw him off guard.

“Yes. You’re more than welcome to have her as your lover. She has more than enough love to give the both of us”.

“Wha-”

“Kisaaa, pick me up”, you whined, running out of patience as you waited for the two men to finish conversing.

“Go ahead, and come eat breakfast. She’s also really soft…unless you do-”, Itachi said but was cut off by the loud squeal that came of your mouth.

Kisame quickly placed both his large hands under your armpits and lifted you off the bed, your legs immediately wrapping around his bulky waist and your arms wrapping around his neck, a small satisfied smile on your lips as you nuzzled your face into his neck.

Itachi was totally right. You were extremely soft. Your breasts squishing against the muscular expanse of his chest, the warmth radiating from your body covering him like a blanket. The thighs that wrapped tightly around him and the way you snuggled into him made him feel tingly inside. Warm. You actually wanted him?

Obviously this wasn’t the first time Kisame had been with another woman, but it was surely the first time he’d experience affection on this level. The way you hugged him and clung to him like you’d normally do to Itachi made him feel needed, automatically making him wrap his arms around you and hold you closer to him, inhaling the natural scent of your skin.

“She needs to eat”, Itachi said from across the room, sitting down on the cushion closest to the wall. Kisame felt so relaxed as you held onto him, finally understanding why you and Itachi babied one another so much. He felt like he was melting, enjoying this so much that Itachi’s voice nearly startled him.

“Here eat”, Itachi said, bringing up the renge with hot soup to his mouth to blow before bringing it to your mouth. “Baby”, Itachi nudged you, smiling because you were falling asleep as you snuggled into his arm. “Huh?”, you said, your eyes barely open, trying to get yourself together and failing because of how awful you felt. “Come here”, Itachi mused, pulling you to sit in the little space between his legs so he could feed you better.

Kisame smiled at the two of you, his heart warming at the love Itachi was showing you, wondering if he could ever give that or receive that with you while he ate his food too.

After breakfast Itachi cleaned up, giving Kisame a chance to take care of you too. This was the perfect opportunity for the two of you to bond better…on a more emotional sense.

Kisame scooped you up from Itachi’s arms and placed you back in bed, your throat feeling much better from the soup you ate. You probably wouldn’t stay sick for more than two days with how well Itachi took care of you.

As Kisame was about to turn away after tucking you in, he felt your fingers close on his index and middle finger again, making him turn around to look at you. “Stay”, you sleepily said, weakly pulling him closer to you. As much as Kisame like the idea of cuddling with you, it was definitely going to take some time for him to get used to this.

Pulling the covers down, he crawled in to lay beside you, surprised at how quickly you managed to wrap yourself around him, almost laying on him like he was the damn bed. The minute you got comfortable you passed out, your steady breaths on his neck telling him that. With a sigh he pulled the blankets over you, relaxing into the soft mattress as his hands gently ran over your back.

This was nice he thought, his hand accidentally grazing your ass while he caressed you. He didn’t mean to, it’s just that because he was such a giant, you were quite small to him and your waist sat a little further above his waist, making it quite easy for him accidentally bump into your ass when he forgot that you weren’t covering his entire abdomen. Great. There goes the erection again.

He tried to calm himself down, opting to simply wrap one hand around you and place the other under his head, slowly dozing off, lulled by your slumber.

Kisame woke up with a light jolt, totally having let his guard down and succumbed to a slumber he didn’t even remember he enjoyed as much as this. How long was he asleep for? He could smell your scent all over him, realizing that his head was wrapped by your arm , your hand running through his hair while the other lightly scratched his back. If you were trying to kill him he would’ve of considered himself dead a very long time ago because your touch just made him so weak. That’s probably why he slept for so long. “I think he’s awake”, he heard you say, lifting his head up to look at you, his cheeks heating up at the realization that his face was buried right between your breasts. “Oh I’m sorry”, he said, quickly jerking back. “It’s okay”, you chuckled, “Someone was a little more tired than I was”, you chuckled again, your usual character coming back a little. That soup and some rest must of done the trick he thought to himself. “Kisame, glad you could catch up on rest”, Itachi said, right behind you, his hand reaching under the shirt he let you wear and slowly traveling up. He did that so casually, shuffling closer to you and pushing his knee between your thigh, the long and sweet kisses he placed on your neck making Kisame feel rather uncomfortable. Why was Itachi doing this right in front of him.

A feint sigh left your lips at the small roll of Itachi hips against your ass, his hand obviously cupping your breast under the shirt you wore, a tug of your nipple making you softly moan. Itachi continued to kiss your neck, softly sucking as he went along, getting closer and closer to your lips.

Kisame wanted to leave. He would’ve left long time ago if it hadn’t been for the way you held eye contact with him while Itachi fondled you, your hand lightly running along his beefy arm, while the other now intertwined with Itachi’s, gently gripping his arm when Itachi pinched your nipple harder.

Kisame was already rock hard, his erection forming an obvious tent in his pants. What the hell were you doing to him? Fuck y/n.

As Kisame contemplated his next move, Itachi’s hand slipped out from your shirt and reached out for Kisame’s. The shark man swallowed, a little nervous of where this was going. He had to admit to himself that the two of you made him feel very shy. You were just so beautiful, so soft and you smelled so good. He’d never been with a woman this intimately and the fact that his friend was inviting him into the world he was living in made him blush.

“You’re more than welcome to back out at any point”, Itachi said, breaking his mouth away from your skin to speak, leading his hand to your lower tummy. “Do you want to see her breasts?”, Itachi asked, Kisame almost choking on his spit, upset with himself for being so awkward. He’s made a mess of plenty of woman in his lifetime, quite easily, bringing them to a whiny ball of tears each time. He was natural at pleasing women, he actually craved for it sometimes. He craved to feel nails clawing his back and the clear liquid coating his face. He craved the way it smelled and the way it tasted, the sounds they made. He desired all of it but here and now he was worried that he wouldn’t be enough for you. What if he couldn’t please you how you wanted? Even if he asked…you were so gentle in everything you did and he was worried he would be too rough for you. Maybe a little aggressive. The last thing he wanted was to scare you off.

“Kisame it’s okay. Princess, be a good girl and get on your knees so our friend can help you out of your shirt”, Itachi spoke, noticing the hesitance in his friends eyes.

“Yes daddy”, you replied, already in sub space, getting to your knees with both men helping you, also now on their knees. Itachi behind you and Kisame in front of you.

Daddy? Kisame wondered, his dick twitching at how you easily obeyed your lover, the word coming out of your mouth in such a seductive manner, never breaking eye contact with Kisame.

Lifting up your hands, Kisame lifted up your shirt too, gulping at the wonderful sight of your breasts once again, before looking back up at your beautiful face. Itachi’s hands traced down your sides, gently cupping each mound and squeezing them, making Kisame swallow some more.

“My Princess is quite sensitive”, Itachi spoke, lightly pinching your nipple, Kisame witnessing the way your lips parted and your back arched a little, Itachi pulling you a little closer to him, he’s knees on either side of you as he dove in to kiss your neck, pulling out more soft whines and whimpers, Kisame nearly panting at how your body reacted, squirming in Itachi’s hold as he sucked and bit at your skin, leaving a trail of red marks behind. The sounds you made would even bring a man like him to his knees, your back arching and your hands clawing at Itachi’s hands as he got rougher, kneading your breasts and pinching your nipples, causing you to whine out in frustration, your hips grinding the air for relief, your eyes barely managing to stay opened as you kept contact with Kisame.

“Would you like to try?”, Itachi asked, looking at Kisame with a hopeful look, watching him desperately nod.

Itachi smiled, “ Princess”, he called, “Yes daddy?”, you answered,

“Do you want Kisame to touch you too?”.

“Yes daddy”, you moaned, enjoying the way he still pinch and pulled at your sensitive nips.

A loud smack sounded, followed by a sharp gasp, Itachi having slapped your breast quite hard. “Whatever happened to your manners sweetie?”, he asked, lightly smacking the same breast again, Kisame deeply appreciating the way it bounced at the impact. Your hips jerked forward in hot want.

“I’m sorry daddy”, you apologized, your voice a little whiny. Such a good girl, Kisame thought, his heart beating like drum at how easily Itachi handled you, excited with how well you reacted. Was he allowed to spank you too? Was he allowed to punish you? To deny you? Make you beg and cry? No. It was all too soon he thought. He would definitely scare you away. Little does he know…

“Try that again”, Itachi spoke, his voice deeper than usual.

“Kisaaa”, you called, the way you said his name convincing enough, that it already sounded like you were begging. “Please will you touch me too”, you asked, and that was enough for him.

A soft sigh left your lips when his cool hands made contact with your hot skin, gently kneading them before squeezing, his eyes only breaking away from yours to watch how your breasts filled his palms, loving the weight of them in his hands.

“Don’t be afraid to play with her. She’s a very good girl”, Itachi spoke, taking your mouth into his in a searing hot kiss, tracing his tongue along your lips, pulling it back into his mouth when you tried to latch onto it, making you whine out in frustration. Kisame decided to test the waters, pinching your nipples between his thick fingers. Lightly jolting at the sudden pain you moaned, the smell of your arousal now clouding Kisames head, bringing out the inner shark in him. He didn’t want to be rough with you, but he didn’t know how else to be. He figured he’d just embrace who he really was like you always told him to, hungrily latching onto your nipple, immediately sucking and nipping, his sharp teeth introducing a sensation totally different from Itachi’s. It was way more intense and stung much more too, the pain drenching your black, cotton undies with your want. Itachi swallowed all your moans, holding your hips down toward him so you’d stop squirming and Kisame could enjoy himself in peace.

“Baby, does that feel good?”, Itachi asked, only centimeters away from your lips, your eyes lazily looking into his red ones.

“Yes, so good”, you breathed, your seductive voice forcing a low growl from Kisame, causing your hips to jerk forward too, Itachi immediately slamming them back to him.

He found your lips again, finally allowing you to suck on his tongue, your teeth accidentally grazing it as you tried to take the delicious pain Kisame inflicted on your breasts.

When Itachi noticed you were parting from him his hand came up to bury itself in your hair, now tongue fucking your pretty mouth, enjoying the way you sucked on it.

Kisame was far gone in the taste of your skin, your back perfectly arching for him and your nipples now extremely sensitive from having undergone his constant attention to each one. You yearned for more, the fire inside of you only burning Kisame, your squirming slightly nerving him. But you weren’t able to voice your need for more since your tongue was now Itachi’s treat and Kisame didn’t halt from his attack on your nipples, your soft moaning only music to their ears.

Tracing a straight line down to your heat, pressing his long index finger against your clothes folds, adding light pressure spot you needed it the most.

Itachi broke the kiss, oh how you loved kissing him. Sometimes all you wanted to do was kiss him. And the two of you would kiss for hours, tasting each other’s mouths and feeling each other’s bodies.

“Please!”, you whined, trying to grind you hips against Kisame’s finger but Itachi stopped you, making you whine louder.

He needed you to come hard. At least three times so you could sleep the night away. And he wouldn’t be mean tonight because you weren’t feeling well and with an additional man pleasuring you, he really didn’t not want to overwhelm you.

“Here baby, let me help you”, came Kisame’s voice, your nipples finally getting a break from his delicious torture. Something about Kisame calling you baby made your heart sour. “Okay Kisa”, you moaned, letting him slide your panties off of you, adjusting yourself so you could help him get rid of them.

Once they were off, your legs lay on either side of him, draped over his thighs, Itachi having placed a pillow under your lower back to get you to cum faster. The easier you came the more often you came and the more often you came the better rest you got. Well that was just one of his plans for tonight.

Kisame immediately understood the assignment, waiting for Itachi to help you into a more relaxed position before they could start lovingly breaking you.

You lay on your back, on top of Itachi, who fondled your breasts and enjoyed your mouth, your thighs on either of Kisame’s, your soaking heat bare and ready for Kisame to enjoy.

Kisame smiled at your squirming, placing a hand on your hip to keep you in place.

“Don’t worry sweet thing” Kisame said, his free hand rubbing your thigh. “I’m going to take good care of you, but I need you to be patient okay”, he added, placing both his hands under each of your thighs, lifting them up onto his broad shoulders. “I want to take my time, so I can savor you”, his warm breath now on your inner thighs. “So just relax and let me taste you. I promise you’ll come as soon as I’m satisfied”, he finished, his mouth now centimeters from your core, the smell so heavenly. It was your smell and he was obsessed.

Whimpering you couldn’t help but buck forward, desperate for the ache in your core to be relieved. “Ahhhhhh”, you moaned out in surprise and pleasure at the feel of something very warm and roughly textured drag between your folds. Kisame slowly dragged his tongue up and down your folds, the rough texture adding a new sensation that made your back arch. You felt him spread your lips wide open, already whimpering in delight at how he would pull your little clit in his mouth and suck on it until you came all over his face, but to your disappointment he continued to slowly drag his tongue up and down, only passing over your clitoris with slightly added pressure before dragging it back down and sinking it in your heat. “Ahhhhhh! Fuck!”, you cried out. You certainly did not want to cum like this. You did not want to cum like this.

Itachi kisses you once again, exploring your mouth, biting your lip and caressing you, while Kisame’s wonderful tongue worked you terribly closer to your orgasm, his rough tongue dragging up to your clitoris and back down to fuck your tight hole. Clearly he wasn’t joking about savoring you and you did not like that one bit.

Itachi could sense that you were about to cum, your moans turning into desperate whimpers as you struggled to kiss him back. You wanted to push him away from you so you could concentrate on not cumming, but he kept on pushing your hands back down. Out of frustration you ran hands through Kisame’s hair, gripping it so you could angle your hips so he’d finally focus on your clit, but he was very strong and you were sick and on the verge of an orgasm so it didn’t really work out.

Itachi finally broke the kiss, his eyebrows furrowing, analyzing your current frustration. You were going to cum so there was no reason for you to be this whiny.

“Princess, just relax and let Kisame take of care of you. Stop fighting him” , he softly spoke into your ear, but his words only flew out the other as you grip the sheets as hard as you can, shitting your eyes tight to try and not cum.

Kisame could sense your resistance. “What’s the matter y/n? I told you to be patient” he said, stopping all his motions to look up at you. Tears filled your eyes, your body still squirming as both men simply watched you, patiently waiting for you to respond.

“Well?”, Itachi said, placing soft kisses all over your face. “Answer him”.

You absolutely did not know what to say because nothing that you could’ve possibly said right now would make sense as to why you were fussing so much.

Kisame’s stare was so cold, and you just knew he wouldn’t give in to any begging, so you redirected your attention towards Itachi, who looked at you a little more lovingly.

“I want him to suck on my clit”, you said, embarrassed to be asking for such. Kisame heard you, interested in what Itachi’s response would be.

“Ask him to do that”, he simply said, running his thumb along your swollen lip.

Sighing in defeat you looked down at the man between your legs.

“Kisame…”, you said, feeling a little nervous with having someone you weren’t emotionally connected with pleasuring you.

“Yes, talk to me”, he said, his hand lightly rubbing the thigh that sat on his shoulder.

“Please…uhm, can you suck on my clit a little more?”, you finally asked, biting your lip at the devilish look he gave you.

“I’m still savoring you. You taste very sweet and I’d like to enjoy you for as long as I can before you start kicking and screaming at me”, he said, pushing your other thigh off of his shoulder and closer to your chest.

He smiled at your whining. “If you keep on whining I won’t let you cum…you’d like to cum won’t you?”, he asked.

“Yes pleaaasee”, you whined, a tear falling down your cheek.

“Okay then will you sit still and let me eat you out?”

“Yes Kisa”, you said, taking in a deep breath.

Itachi cupped your cheek, his dick painfully hard at the sight of Kisame between your legs, making you squirm like this.

“Good girl”, he said, coming down to softly kiss you, Kisame spreading your lips apart once again.

This time he started lazily circling your throbbing clit with his tongue, enjoying the way you arched your back, unable to buck your hips up with the new position.

When he felt you getting too excited he stopped, opting to tongue fuck you, the strong muscle stretching you out enough to make you cum, the minute he sensed you getting closer he stopped again.

Itachi swallowed your loud whine, running this thumb along your cheek.

Kisame remembered that you weren’t feeling well and if you were any other woman he wouldn’t care, he’d still break you like this, edging you to tears, but because it was you, he felt a little sympathetic, finally latching onto your clit and roughly sucking.

Your back arched off the bed, Itachi still holding you down and forcing his tongue into your mouth, hushing the harsh screams you let out as you suddenly came, the liquid that built up inside of you squirting out, Kisame happily lapping it all up, overstimulating you while at it.

The restrictions the two men had on your body drove you to tears, the pleasure exploding inside of you from having no where to go but through you. You were forced to take the pleasure, shaking like a leaf by the time your squirting subsided.

Itachi broke the kiss, admiring your beautiful orgasmic face trying to breath through the overstimulation. “Okay okay, I’ve got you, just breathe”, he whispered into your ear before looking down at Kisame who was still softly sucking on your nub, careful not to bring his rough tendencies out.

“Go ahead, she can handle another one”, he said, Kisame nodding in approval, rubbing your sensitive bundle of nerves with his middle finger before slowly sinking it into you, the thickness of his single finger stretching you out so well.

“Oh f-fuck!”, you cried out, your words barely forming at the pressure Kisame placed on your gspot, revealing his sharp teeth in a satisfied smile, before roughly fingering you, your poor cunt immediately gushing more, spraying all over Kisame’s beefy arm.

“Ahhh there you go. Yes good girl”, he growled, latching on to your clit again to roughly suck on it, while Itachi held you still, almost smiling at how you struggled, enjoying the pleasure your teammate gave you.

After you’d cum for the fourth time Kisame decided you needed a little break, spreading both your thighs apart and licking the juice that spilled onto your thighs, his sharp teeth leaving little bruises behind as he nipped and sucked, your body shivering and your soft moans filling the room as you slowly calmed.

Itachi cradled your up half in his arms, hushing you with kisses, cuddles and praises, gently wiping your tears away.

“You’re such a good girl, you look so beautiful with Kisame between your legs”, he whispered, wiping the sweat on your forehead off with his hands before planting a kiss there.

“Would you like another one princess?”, Itachi genuinely asked, his heart melting at the shaky “no thanks” you let out. Even through your orgasm you still remembered your manners.

As much as their dicks painfully throbbed in their pants there would be no pleasure for them tonight, yours being the priority.

“I’ll go get a towel”.

Kisame stood up and walked towards the bathroom, returning with a warm damp towel, slowly cleaning you up but his touch was not as gentle as Itachi’s, dragging the towel over your sensitive clit like you had no feelings, your hands coming up to block him but he simply held them, quickly wiping you squeaky clean before heading to the bathroom to clean himself up.

“I need you please”, you whispered to Itachi, “inside me”.

“Baby, you need to rest”

“No…please, please I really want you on top of me”, you begged, bring up your hand to cup his cheek, his eyes still slowly spinning, having recorded the entire session, capturing your vulnerable expressions.

How could he possibly say no to you, his good little princess.

“Here baby”, he said, placing you flat on the bed before coming up to stand, stripping right in front of you.

You reached your arms out for him, your hands rubbing his back he hovered above you, brining his fingers to slowly rub your clit, instantly regretting your decision to let these men get off too. You just hated for them to not have a good time too, even though they both were happy with just rubbing it out in the bathroom.

“Please slowly”, you said, wrapping your legs around his torso as he lined himself with your wet entrance.

“Anything for you love”, he said, pushing himself all the way into you with one, unexpected thrust, causing you to scream, the stretch and fullness steadily overwhelming you, making you whimper, your back arching in pleasure.

“Not too hard please daddy”, you begged, Itachi bringing your hands up above your head, pinning them down with one hand while the other held onto your hip for grip. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, your tight pussy squeezing him so deliciously.

“Don’t worry baby, I’ll take it care of you, just relax”, he responded, tugging you a little closer so he could get a better angle. “Ahhh! f-fuuuuck”, you screamed, the first thrust hard enough to crumble you. Now why tf did you suggest this. Now you had to hold out until the end.( gotta see it through my boi)

“Ah babyyy, you feel so good”, he said, thrusting into you again, getting into a steady slow rhythm, making you bury your head into his shoulder and biting.

He filled you so much and you wondered how you always forgot how he felt inside of you the moment he left you, his slow thrusts deep enough to stimulate your A spot (the part at the back of your vjj that people think is the cervix) and you just knew you wouldn’t last long.

His black hair dangled above you, his warm breath all over face as he spoke to you, telling you all the things he admired about you, that he would take care of you until he died, expressing how much he loves you with his heavy deep thrusts that drove you to insanity and with the sweet words from his heart. Words that you could still clearly hear even though your thighs shook and you began whimpering, you could still hear every word he spoke to you, your heart exploding with all the love you have for him, tears running down the sides of your face as you came, the feeling so intense with Itachi still making love to you.

“OoooOh m-my gosh b-b-baby, I c-can’t”, you cried, stuttering “I love you’s” to him as he chased his own orgasm, your orgasm milking him so well that he knew he would cum soon and he wondered if you could cum again.

Picking up the pace he let go of your hands, bringing one to your face while the other started rubbing your nub.

Throwing your head forward you shut your eyes tight, mouth wide open and your hands death gripping the sheets as the pleasure grew overwhelming, another orgasm threatening to crash into you so hard.

“Fuck yes! You’re so close baby, I’m so close. Ah shit! I’m going to cum baby, will you cum with me? God come with me my good little princess! I love you so much”, he moaned, chocking on his words as his thrusts grew sloppier, moaning your name as he unloaded deep inside of you. The feeling of his seed being released inside of you sending you over the edge, your eyes rolling back as your vision clouded.

Opening your eyes the entire room was dark, only the dim light of the moon coming through the window.

Your hand was resting under your chin, your body huddled very close to someone, another man pressing against your back, the feint breathing of the two men reminding you of the night you shared. With a smile on your face you turned over, trying to not wake up the two handsome men pressing on either side of you, bringing Kisame’s hand to wrap his arm around you as you softly called at Itachi.

“Itachi…Itachi, wake up”, you whispered, his head instantly jolting off of the pillow to feel for you in the dark. “Yes love, what’s wrong?”, he sleepily said, wrapping his arm around your back to pull you closer to him, the warmth you shared with the two men absolutely delicious. If you could choose you’d lay here forever, with the two men who made you feel safe and sound, happy, loved and taken care of. You mostly felt overwhelmed with love for the two of them, because even though you weren’t romantically involved with Kisame before this night, he still stood beside you like a true partner in everything.

Your felt a hand silent rub your ass, squeezing it hard enough that you let out a small gasp, wondering what Kisame was up to. “You’re all awake?”, came his deep voice, his hand pushing between your thighs to cut your naked pussy. “Uh! Kisame”, you moaned, “I just got up”.

“And You’re surprisingly wet?”, Kisame teased, placing softer kiss on your shoulder. “Why”, he asked, now running his fingers between your folds, l your juices lubricating each one so he could gently rub your clitoris.

“Oohhhhhh!”, you moaned, His fingers pushing into your tight walls, sinking in deep until he felt that spot that made you cry out in pleasure. He started slowly rubbing it, nothing compared to how rough he was early on, quickly bringing you so close to orgasm, your hand intertwined with Itachi’s , while he softly breathed, aware of what was going on but still tired.

Before you were able to cum Kisame stopped, and before you complained about it you felt his incredible size enter you, the sudden intrusion making you scream. You were so tight but he slowly kept pushing into you, spreading your ass nice a wide for him to go a little deeper.

As soon as you felt him touch your cervix your body couldn’t handle it anymore and Kisame could sense that. He was very cold a sensing these things. His fingers started circling your clit, giving you time to adjust to his size, but you already broke down, a wonderful orgasm crashing into you in intense bursts, your soft screaming having long woken Itachi up, his mouth latching into the nipple that Kisame’ was not tugging on, softly sucking on it, enjoying the softness in his mouth.

Kisame started moving, his slow thrusts very intense, leaving you screaming and whimpering with every thrust until he came hard, deep inside of you, biting your neck during his release.

You were so exhausted, your orgasms so intense having to manage his size but he didn’t pull out of you, lifting your leg up so he could get a better angle.

The new angle was absolutely sinister, making you cry, Itachi whispering sweet nothing’s in your ears to help you through it. He was going so deep, and so hard, his fingers on your clit keeping you on orgasm mode.

Having to take it easy on you and also trying to pleasure himself was a bit of a challenge for him, he need more, he needed to fuck you faster, his hips brutally picking up the pace, intensifying your orgasm and making you squirt, making a mess on everyone and the sheets.

Even after he came for the second time your cries couldn’t subside, your body still squirming as this orgasm lasted much longer.

The only thing Itachi could do was hold you tight, rubbing your back as you quivered on top of him, Kisame gently wiping the two of you clean, placing towels on the wet spots of the bed for you all to lay down on.

In the morning you felt rather refreshed, your congestion having cleared up and your throat completely healed.

Itachi and Kisame were lay on either side of you, lazily stroking you as they woke from their sleep, the sunlight filling the room once again.

You were sound asleep, too cozy to try and wake up. All you wanted to do today was lay in bed with your two partners, their arms wrapped around you like heaven.

[dokifluffs]

Sleepy Time With His Babies | Iwaizumi, Sakusa

Pairings: Iwaizumi X Reader (female), Sakusa X Reader (female) 

Genre: domestic fluffy sleepiness 

Author’s Note: Another one

Sleepy Time With Their Babies | Atsumu, Osamu // Sleepy Time With Their Babies | Kita, Kuroo // Sleepy Time With Their Babies | Ennoshita, Akaashi // Sleepy Time With Their Babies | Kenma, Bokuto

gif from @rivaillerose 💛

Iwaizumi: 

He was physically crushing you

Did you care? Not at all

This was Hajime, a soon to be athletic trainer, someone who seemed intimidating with his muscles and overall beefiness

But here he was

Here was your hajime that melted anytime you called him cute or any other cutesy, mushy gushy nickname

He was a puddle in your arms and he didn’t care what he looked like - as long as no one else besides you or the dog saw

Even your guys’ dog was the same as him — an intimidating Rottweiler, muscular, growl so low that would make those that didn’t sit right with him, scurry far far away

His name was Zilla, short for Godzilla named by Hajime yet he was such a puppy whenever you were around, his tail wagging like crazy as he nuzzled his snout against your legs, whining whenever you went away for even just a few minutes, waiting by the door until you returned home from wherever

Yep, they were two peas in a pod

And as Hajime laid on you, Zilla laid beside you on the bedroom floor, the two of them fast asleep

Your legs tangled beneath the sheets on the gloomy day outside as rain trickled down from the clouds, tapping the windows and rooftops all throughout the city

You brushed your fingers through his hair, slowly scratching the base of his scalp as he snored lightly into your shoulder, his cheek squished against you, making his lips all pouty

No matter what angle you saw him in whenever he slept on you, you could never bring yourself to make the smile on your face falter

For someone who looked so beefy, you never knew they could look so soft at the same time yet here he was

Whenever you moved just the slightest bit, readjusting the blankets or pillows, he woke just the slightest, lifting his head off of you until you were ready and patted his head down against your body again

You held him closer, squishing him into your arms even if it didn’t feel like much to him 

a slight, sleepy smile spread on his lips, his face showing he was in true bliss while he slept on you

Domestic: 

The fire crackled in the fireplace behind the iron gate while you sat on the couch on the ground beside the coffee table and Zilla at your feet, fast asleep while your fingers rapidly typing away at your laptop, finding the recipe you needed so you could make some agedashi tofu, a favorite of Hajime’s  

Your little girl crawled about around the couches, staring out the windows seeing the tufts of snowflakes fall onto the snow covered ground, already a couple inches high

She was so small yet she saw so much of the world, it felt like she could fit the world and the universe in those eyes

You made sure to keep her away from the fireplace, not letting her get too close, steering her away, giving her one of her favorite toys, or to even hold her in your lap while you watched numerous videos of others making the tofu

though after about an hour or so, as the snowflakes only got bigger, she no longer had any interest for the things floating silently to the ground as she crawled down the hall, the baby gates keeping her from falling down the stairs or bumping into the taller dining room table 

“D/N?” you looked up, finding your little girl’s legs disappearing into the room where Hajime slept soundly, his snores kind of echoing louder into the hall now that the door was cracked wider 

she let out such a pure sounding giggle as her wide eyes fell upon her sleeping father as he laid flat on the futon fast asleep 

she crawled faster, her little hands making little thumping noises against the plush covers he slept under as she crawled and climbed onto his sleeping body 

until she finally did it 

she had successfully made her way to the top of his chest, laid right on him, a smile of wonder spreading over her chubby cheeks as she slowly rose and fell as Hajime breathed 

Hajime was still undisturbed as he slept, catching up on the hours of sleep he had missed, practically unbothered by the slightly extra weight added onto him by his little girl 

that was until she made her way toward her sleepy father, reaching her little hand to his chin, doing her best to grab him, though it would be quite some time before she could properly hold his face 

she continuously patted his chin until he woke 

it took a moment as his eyed adjusted to the sight of his baby girl, a chuckle escaping his chest as he smiled, his eyes drawing into lines 

“Hi, mochi,” his voice raspy from sleep as she cooed, her smile contagious, cheeks so chubby, Hajime just wanted to bite them

like mochi 

she adorable tilted her head side to side, shying away from the loving eyes of her papa as he tickled her, poking her puffy cheeks with his finger, getting her to easily fill the room with her giggles every time he did it 

“Wanna sleep with papa?” he hummed as he sleepily looked to her, a yawn escaping him as he reached his head up to peck a kiss to her face before he turned to his side, laying his little girl beside him, beneath the warm covers of his futon 

“nap time, moch,” he chuckled to himself as the two of them stared at each other before he gently blew a raspberry into her cheek 

her cheeks were just too irresistible to him 

gif from @rivaillerose​ 💛

Sakusa: 

His footsteps sounded through the bathroom as you stood, brushing your teeth, your hair still damp from your shower, the mirrors steamy

Kiyoomi stood behind you, his figure towering through the foggy mirror

His movements faltered before he gave in, snaking his hands from behind you, around you, letting his chest melt to your back

“You smell good,” he said but subtly sounded bubbly as he buried his face into your shoulder, bending his back to a “C” shape so he could match your height

You only smiled through the mirror as he began to sway side to side slowly while you brushed your teeth, finishing

“I did just shower, Omi,” you smiled up to your curly haired husband

The two of you paused in place as you looked up to him, adoring his features as he did the same to you, something neither of you could never get over - the fact that you two had each other

“Mmhm,” he cuddled himself even closer like a kitten when you were fresh out the shower

Your skin and body was so warm, so fresh and clean and he could hold you without letting any of his fears interfering

He stood beside you, just standing awkwardly with you in the bathroom before he followed you out to the bedroom

The two of you got into bed but before you could really settle, you were suddenly pulled into his embrace, his arms wrapping around you, his body curving to match against yours

“Aren’t you cuddly tonight,” you murmured as you turned your head back to the best of your abilities turning so you could face him

“I’m tired,” he matched your volume in the darkness

“Sleepsies,” you brushed your fingers through his hair, getting a relaxing sigh from him as he hummed in agreement

“Sleepsies,” his voice barely audible

“Goodnight,” you smiled into his chest

He held you close to him, a scenario your high school self could have imagined with the Sakusa Kiyoomi

Omg was always distant, known to be quite handsome yet no one ever had a chance with him

So many others thought he would never be with him, that no one would be good enough for him but he was a great volleyball player

And now you were a Sakusa too

Domestic: 

The sun kept him warm as he laid beneath the open blinded windows as the summer rays cast down into the living room, right onto Omi as he laid on his back, his arm draped over his eyes now that he got to relax

The house had been cleaned through his monthly sanitization day

The past few days were making his skin itch but now - it was all okay

Birds chirped in the neighborhood, outside in the distance, it was a beautiful day

The house was oddly silent as he laid on the couch, his chest slowly rising and falling

But before he could fall asleep, let his energy recharge, just before he drifted off, the smallest sounding steps approached the couch and then stopped right beside him

Omi slowly lifted his arm, turning his head to take a peek at what could be happening but he had an inkling of who it could be

And he was right

He saw his little girl, her teddy in hand as she stood beside the couch, her chin just able to reach the couch cushion

Her beady eyes looked up to him, cheeks round, her lips almost in a pout as she stood looking up to him to the best that she could, the sun shining into her eyes

“What is it, pum?” He lifted his hand, blocking the sun from hurting her eyes 

His little girl was observant, kept to herself, speaking up when asked or when she didn’t like something or if something didn’t go her way

She was just like him

She blinked looking up to him before she raised her arms, her teddy in her hand waiting patently to be lifted

“You wanna nap with me?” a smile cracked onto his lips 

and all she did was nod

“Mmhm,” he complied as he sat himself up, scooping his little girl, pushing out a yawn as he laid back down as D/N made herself comfortable on top of him before cuddling close into his side in between him and the couch 

she hugged her teddy close in her arms while Sakusa laid sort of on his side, turned toward her at a slight angle 

from the perspective of anyone else if they entered the living room, they would only see Kiyoomi’s back, and only stepping closer would they see his little girl cuddled close, the two of them fast asleep together in the summer sun as it shined in through the window

~~~~~ Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else!

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[fandom-strumpet]

Klaus Soulmate AU! Part 1

Summary: Reader wakes up one morning to a surprise. In this world, soulmates are destined and tied together by glowing strings. The glowing strings disappear after the soulmates meet. Only the two can see the string while everyone else only sees the glow.

Warnings: Cursing

Word Count: 580 ish

You woke up one morning with a bright red light coming out of your chest. Attached was a string for you to follow. You gazed down at your sleeping boyfriend’s figure, he seemed so peaceful. Panic quickly set in as your realized that the string you had didn’t attach to him. Running to the bathroom you tried to close the door as quietly as possible. Back against the door, you slid down. You choked back a sob, squeezing your eyes shut and letting silent tears race down your face. A knock at the door made you jump. 

“Hey babe? You okay?” 

Collecting yourself from the floor you take a shaky breath in.

“Yeah- yeah I’m okay. It’s just-”

You opened the door, letting your boyfriend see the light emitting from you. He glanced down at his chest, clenching his jaw with the realization. There you both stood- eyes watering.

Your boyfriend broke the pain filled silence, “You know what this means…” 

“No. No! I can’t just leave - I love you. You should-” your voice cracked, “It should be you.” Sobbing, you lean into your boyfriend who hugged you tightly. You hated the thought that he would soon be your ex-boyfriend. Silent tears trailed down his face as your body shook with sobs. 

“Please don’t make me go,” your voice barely a whisper. 

He took a deep breath to steady himself. “Babe- you know it’s for the best. We have such a good love, but out there is someone who will give you an even greater love.”

“But what if I don’t want a ‘greater’ love?”

“Listen to me Y/N,” he cupped your face in his warm hands, “If I were to wake up one day with my soul string, you would want the same for me, right? To follow it?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” You sniffled. 

He grinned weakly, “That’s my girl.” He kissed your forehead for what would probably be the last time.

“Would you help me pack?” 

“Of course.” He pulled back and you two got to packing. 

One hour later

The October breeze drifted through the doorway, greeting you like an old friend. 

“I don’t want to leave yet.”

“It’s time for you to go and you know it.”

“I’ll always love you,” you turned to face the man who was supposed to be the love of your life. 

“And I will always love you. Now go and find your soulmate.”

You nodded grimly and started walking to the bus stop. The leaves, wet from the October rains, stuck to your shoes. This was the beginning of your journey, following a bright red string that only you could see. You turned your head back for one last furtive glance of your ex-boyfriend but he had already retreated back into the small blue house. 

Two Days Later

After traveling cross country by bus you arrived at a small town called Mystic Falls. Following the string you started to walk into the country side. A little while later you arrived at a looming mansion. This was it. Your string went right up to the front door. It was almost dusk and you were ready to meet your soulmate. Your cautious knock was answered quickly and the door flew open. You took a step back, thrown off by the abruptness. Before you stood the most handsome man you had ever seen. He had curly caramel hair and deep chestnut brown eyes. Awkwardly enough, those eyes didn’t look thrilled to see you.

@rome5683​ @tawaii

[switchspencer]

good evening yes i will would you like to discuss middle of the night “it’s raining outside and i got lonely” sex with spencer?

okay YES because middle of the night sex is sex with IMMACULATE VIBES and ESPECIALLY if it’s raining this is literally the most elite combination of things??

this went a little bit far and there’s actually two sort of blurbs under here.... yikes

word count: 1.5k (the first blurb is 500 words and the other is 1k)

ship: afab! reader x spencer reid

warnings: a storm, penetrative sex, implied creampie, neck kissing, sleepy sex, i think that’s pretty much it!!

i imagine it in one of two ways:

if you’re dating, he’s cuddled up to you. being the big spoon, pressed against your back, his crotch against your ass, his face nestled into the crook of your neck.

he whispers, “are you awake?” his voice is raspy and low, thick with sleep even though he hasn’t been successfully in drifting off yet, and so quiet you can barely even hear it over the pitter patter sounds of the rain at the window. you nod, barely visible in the dim lighting, but he feels it.

his fingers move from where they’re interlocked with yours, skimming over the exposed skin at your waist where your pyjama top has ridden up.

you use your right knee to shift yourself, pushing your body further into his, properly facing him. he doesn’t say anything. neither do you. but your eyes meet, and you can just about make out the outline of his nose as he leans in to kiss you. soft. his fingers following the trail upwards to your nipple, and rolling the left one between his thumb and forefinger. you lift your hips upwards, and feel him grin against your mouth. your hand comes to rest at the nape of his neck, using the hair there as leverage.

his crotch meets yours. he’s hard, really hard, and you gasp. he revels in the noise, it only spurs him to kiss you harder, wiggling his hips to make quick work of his pyjama pants. clumsily, with the hand that isn’t in his hair, you do the same with your own.

surprisingly (or, perhaps, unsurprisingly) you’re wet already. who could really blame you, your incredibly hot boyfriend is so insatiable for you that he’s forgoing precious hours of sleep.

neither of you strip all the way off. he slips inside of you. it’s almost unceremonious, like you’re just meant to slot together like that, nothing out of the ordinary happening. and in a way, it isn’t, you’ve had sex plenty of times. but there’s something different about this time. the way his mouth devours you, the way every move feels measured and thought out.

there’s no loud moans. no cries of each others names. there’s a veil of peace and content shrouding you that neither of you wants to pierce. it’s all quiet gasps, swallowed by his mouth or breathed into his neck while you adorn it with kisses. not harsh ones that will leave marks, just light ones. a small trail down to his collarbone before he captures your lips with his again. his breathing increasing in tandem with your own as he thrusts, your hand threading through the one resting next to your head. the other pulling desperately at his back. to hold him closer to you.

his thumb rubbing over your clit as he slips in and out of you. your head tipping back, biting back a moan as your releases find each other. the pitter patter of the rain never intruding on the moment. just serving as a peaceful backdrop as you lose yourselves in one another.

-

OR version two: you’re on a case together and he can’t sleep. he hears you leave your room, so he pokes his head around his door. you’d gone to the vending machine at the end of the hall to get a snack.

you almost jump out of your skin when you turn around and see him, tousled bed hair, head peaking around the frame of his bedroom door.

“oh,” he breathes, a mock whisper, “sorry i didn’t mean to frighten you. i just wondered who was walking around.”

“just me,” you reply sheepishly, briskly walking the four steps down the hallway to meet him so that your voices don’t draw out the rest of your team on the floor, “sorry, did i wake you?”

he shakes his head, “no. no i was already awake.”

“you can’t sleep either?”

“no.”

“do you want to come and sit with me?”

he tips his head, considering it for a moment. it really isn’t that big a deal, you’ve hung out on plenty of occasions. even shared a bed once, although that time every single breath he’d breathed had caught in his throat whenever you came within an inch of him, his heart leaping out of his chest.

“you don’t have to,” you follow up, and watch his eyes widen, “you just could if you want to. i know it’s no fun being awake alone.”

he presses his lips together thoughtfully, “um, if it’s not too much bother. i wouldn’t want to impose.”

“i invited you,” you say, turning around and using the key card to open your bedroom door, “come in.”

he follows you into the room. there’s a double bed, and your lamp has been left on. you’d had it off when you were trying to sleep, but the storm outside is pretty bad. as if to illustrate your point, there’s a loud rumble, and you’re so startled you almost jump, your hand flying to your chest.

“i wasn’t expecting that,” you laugh.

“there’s a storm coming in from the east,” he informs you, walking in and hovering awkwardly by your bed.

“sit down,” you instruct, “make yourself comfortable.”

you clamber onto the bed yourself. the curtains are shut, but you don’t miss the flash of the lightning that comes two beats after the thunder.

“did you know it takes the sound of thunder approximately 5 seconds to travel one mile?”

“i didn’t,” you reply, crossing your legs, “is it true that you can guess when the lightning will strike based on the thunder sound? i remember hearing about that as a child but i didn’t know if it was true.”

he doesn’t reply for a second. mostly because your pyjama shorts rode up when you crossed your legs, exposing a sizeable amount of skin that he hadn’t been privy to seeing before. he swallows, and your eyes fall down to where his gaze is sat, approximately a milisecond before he tears it away.

the tips of his ears turning pink, his voice cracks on the first syllable, “y-yes, that is actually true.”

“huh,” you nod, “do you want to look at the lightning?”

“w-what?”

right on cue, there’s another rumble. it lasts one, two, three, four, five seconds.

you pull back the curtains, wiggling forward. he follows your lead. the window is only small so you end up pressed against one another as you look at it. all darkness, the window pane smeared with rain that’s beaten down against it. his body is warm, and your heart hammers in your chest at the sensation of your shoulders pressed together. you swear his knees shake before he settles down more properly, sitting on the balls of his feet.

flash. the lightning lasts all of five seconds, but you’re not looking at it after maybe three. instead, you’re looking at him, the last fragments of it reflected in the lenses of his glasses.

“do you like storms?”

“i’m not the biggest fan,” he admits.

you’re staring right at him. you see his adam’s apple bob. it does twice before he caves and looks at you. in the lamplight, you can see his pupils dilate, the honey absorbed right before your eyes. there’s a static in the air that the storm can’t be blamed for.

neither of you move. a game of almost chicken. you don’t want to be the one to make the first move incase it’s something he doesn’t want, something he’s unprepared for. but his gaze drops from your lips and back to your eyes, tongue darting out to wet his lower lip and it’s so obvious that it must be deliberate. it must be deliberate because he’s a profiler and he knows better, knows what those kind of non-verbal cues suggest. so when you tilt your head, the faintest bit, and his follows in the same direction you know what’s happening.

there’s a warmth in the air between your lips, searing hot, and your heart thrums with nerves. your nerves couldn’t possibly be quelled, it’s too much, but your knees can’t quite adjust to the movement of your weight and you tip forward, hand resting on his shoulder. if he wanted to stop you, if he didn’t want to do this, now would be an opportune time to stop you but he doesn’t. he stares at you, imploring you to come closer, pursing his lips.

he’s a blur. you’re so close to his face that the features can’t be made out anymore and it’s him, it’s spencer, the one who finally closes the gap and kisses you.

really kisses you. it starts off slow. gentle. tentative. the heat radiates off his hand but he doesn’t bring it to your waist until you lean in to deepen the kiss. and then he holds you.

it moves so far so fast. the kissing is hurried, enthusiastic, as if now you’ve started you can’t quite fathom how you’d go about stopping. shedding clothes, thrown behind you in your haste. the rumble of thunder is the soundtrack as you pepper kisses all down his body, sucking marks that will purple right above his hipbone. pressing him back against the headboard. when he looks up at you, glasses slipping down his nose, he’s no longer the picture of innocence.

it happens so fast you’re not sure how you get there but what you do know is you’re on top of him, riding him, both so fucking loud that you’re not sure even the sounds of the storm can drown you out.

LINK TO JOIN TAGSLIST (for this blog and @reidyoulikeabook )

NSFW Spencer tagslist: @fiftyshadesofspencerreid @holding-on-to-my-youth @spencerreidat3am @muffin-cup @ssareidbby @reidyourmind @lumosemily @reidaissance @hauntedinsomnia @averyhotchner @sunkissglow @reidsacademia @gingertea6460 @opheli-yeah @meganskane @idonotexiste @thosecriminalminds

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

What’s yours is mine 1

Warnings: nonconsent and rape, allusions to abuse, stalking, possessiveness, pregnancy, and more tags to be added.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Pairing: dark!Ransom Drysdale x pregnant!Reader

Summary: After five years, your past is far behind you but just as you think you can live your happily ever after, your ex shows up at the worst moment.

Note: I couldn’t sleep and ended up writing this and it will not be a long ongoing series but it will be a few parts. But Roo you say that all the time. Yes, well, I’m trying and I’m sorry but I’m gonna try to not be the worst.

Hope you enjoy it. Thank you. Love you guys!

Please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

“Oh my god, is that really you?” the voice made you stand stalk straight.

You took a breath and forced a smile before you turned to the indomitable woman. You never expected to see Linda again, not after you broke up with her son almost five years ago. And there she was, as rigid and righteous as ever, her thin lips curved in a mocking grin.

“Linda,” you greeted her in a singsong and looked around the grocery store. You never went to the overpriced organic market but your local shop didn’t have dragonfruit and you had a painful craving, “how are you?”

“Darling, I’m just great,” she held an empty basket on her arm, an odd sight as you never expected her to do her own shopping, “oh, and look at you!” Before you knew it, her hand was on your stomach and you struggled not shy away, “how far are you?”

“Um,” you looked down at the large ring on her finger and resisted the urge to step away as you often did in this situation, “almost five months.”

“And married?” she grabbed your left hand and pretended to admire the small teardrop diamond, “gorgeous.”

“Mhmm,” you waited for you to release you and swayed in place, “you barely look a day older than the last time I saw you.”

“You’re well? You look well,” she primped her short hair at the compliment, “oh, a baby.” She reached out again and you sighed as she rubbed your stomach, “for luck.”

You tried not to frown and ended up laughing at the tension, “well, it was nice running into you.”

“Oh, you know, I barely come down here but we’re headed up to my father’s place, you remember, such a cozy house, and Joni is in charge of food and well, I wouldn’t trust her with a plastic spoon so of course, I have a back up plan.”

You nodded along with her awkwardly, frozen in the spot as the dragon fruit barely seemed worth the torture. Linda was hard to please and alway derisive, but for as long as you were with Ransom, she had taken a keen shine to you. That alone came with an edge but it was rarely used to cut you.

You forced another laugh, “that sounds fun, getting away from the city.”

“Ugh, just another family gathering,” she waved it off with her free hand, “I’ll have to tell Ransom I ran into you, if he even shows up.”

“Well, I don’t think--”

“He’s grown up so much,” she interrupted, “you wouldn’t believe it. He got his own imprint in my father’s company publishing true crime. He’s really making a place for himself now.”

“That’s great,” you tried not to falter at the mention of her son. You hadn’t ended on the greatest terms and your relationship had been tumultuous and regrettable.

“I hope you have a great weekend, Linda,” you said, “but I got to--”

“Oh, not at all, I’m keeping you,” she squeezed your arm, “God, he was such an idiot to let you go.”

You nodded and swallowed through your tight throat, “I’m glad he’s doing better for himself.”

“You too,” she trilled, “oh, before I let you go, darling, is it a boy?”

You blinked and your smile wavered, “how did you know?”

“I could always tell,” she said, “so precious.”

She gave your stomach one last pat and disappeared into the produce section. You blinked as you looked down at the scaled fruit in your right hand. Chocolate, you needed chocolate.

You were rattled as you waited in the express line and put your things on the belt. You hadn’t thought of Ransom in a very long time. Not much. His shadow followed you around in those moments when your heart raced and your head spun, but you had learned to work through those fits. No one else knew what happened behind closed doors, they only knew Ransom, not Hugh.

You paid and shoved your fruit and candy into a paper bag. You headed out into the misty spring air. The rain had finally stopped and left the streets slick and shining. The sun was hazy as it clung to the last of the clouds and you inhaled the wet scent of grass and gravel.

You let your key hang from the ignition as you took a moment to gather yourself. You stared at the modest ring on your finger and held your stomach and you swore you could still feel Linda’s bony hand there. 

You had a loving husband, Dez, and a son on the way. Ransom wasn’t a part of any of that and this was just a blip on radar, the aftershock of the storm that ended years before. You sniffed and turned the engine. You wouldn’t go back to that store, it was far too expensive and the clientele were certainly not of your ilk.

🍼

Dez was in the kitchen when you got home, the smell of steak and peppers rose from the frying pan. You kissed his cheek as he kept one hand on the spatula and you dropped your bag on the counter beside the stove. You went to the fridge and poured yourself a glass of water. You turned and leaned against the marble and drank deeply.

“So, hon, how was your day?” he asked as he put the spatula down and peeked in the bag, “hmm, odd pairing but I don’t hate it.”

“I had a craving,” you shrugged, “it was… okay,” you heaved, “what’s for dinner?”

“Steak fajitas,” he said, “I trimmed the fat for you and,” he turned and reached out to you, “and I got you some champagne… non-alcoholic, obviously.”

“You know it doesn’t have the same effects,” you kidded as you put your glass down and settled into his arms, “and well,” you looked down at your stomach, “we already got one drunken night growing.”

He laughed and bent to kiss you on the lips. He rocked you as the pan sizzled behind him. You closed your eyes and tensed as suddenly your head flashed with the memory of Ransom, of the way he’d kiss you, harder than Dez, and the way it always turned to more whether you wanted it or not.

“Hey,” Dez pulled back, “you okay?”

“Yeah,” you lied, “hormones.”

“Aw, hon, well I have the perfect dessert planned,” he purred.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmhmm, strawberry massage oil,” he framed your face with his hand, “a nice long back rub…”

“Perfect,” you giggled, “why are you spoiling me?”

“Don’t I always?” he smirked.

“Hmm, rarely without reason,” you said.

“Well…” he voice trailed off and slowly he dropped his arms. He turned his back to you and grabbed the pan, stirring the contents with a shake, “I didn’t want you to miss me too bad.”

“Miss you?” you came forward and bent your arms over the counter, “where are you going?”

“Chicago, there’s some evidence down there we need to look at and they refuse to transfer it to our office so… bullshit confidentiality clause, but we need it.”

“How long?” your heart dropped.

“Well, I gotta leave in the morning but I told Gary I won’t stay longer than Monday.”

“And what did he say?”

“He laughed,” Dez shook his head, “I promise, I’ll do my best to be back as soon as I can--”

“No, I understand,” you said gloomily, “it’s just…” you cupped your chin and tapped your lips with your fingertips, “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too,” he said as he turned the burner off, “and this little guy,” he touched your stomach and you shivered as you remembered how Linda had done the same with her cold palm, “so, you choose a name yet?”

“Still not naming him Superman, babe,” you chided, “but no, I can’t make up my mind. God, it’s like my mind is in shambles, I can’t remember why I go in a room or even focus on one thing for more than two minutes before I’m distracted by what colour I want to paint the nursery and I can’t even decide on that because then I’m thinking about what kind of wood the crib should be--”

“It’s fine, you’re fine,” he assured as he opened the bag of tortillas, “you’re still there, you’re just… sharing a brain right now.”

“Wasn’t enough to go around in the first place,” you scoffed.

“Shh,” he arranged the plates carefully, like a five star restaurant, tortillas stacked, steak and veg together, a little dish of cheese, some sour cream, lettuce, salsa, all divvied out in a spectacular salsa you would only make a mess of.

“I thought the pregnancy would give me a chance to finish my book, but--”

“Well, you got maternity leave after that,” he said.

“From what? Sitting at my keyboard and crying? I’ll just be holding a baby and crying,” you sighed, “you said you’d take some time off.”

“I did say that and I will,” he grabbed the plates and nodded you out of the kitchen. He set the plates on the table and you sat as he went to grab two glasses and as many bottles. He poured you your spineless champagne and had a beer for himself, “I don’t want to miss anything.”

“You can’t take forever off,” you muttered, “we both know that. I could go back to copywriting and maybe--”

“Babe, that job made you miserable and you will finish your book,” he handed you a napkin, “I’ve read your stuff, it’s… you said your ex was in publishing?”

“Did I?”

“I thought you did, you never really… talk about the exes, which I love but, I think you said something about it. You don’t think he would--”

“No,” you snapped, “no,” you said softer, “he wouldn’t.”

“Sorry,” he said startled by your reaction, “I didn’t--”

“It’s nothing, I just-- exes, right?”

“It was a stupid suggestion,” he said, “I’m sorry, but… I have a client, he might have some contacts.”

“You don’t have to do that--”

“I don’t have to, I want to because the world deserves to hear your voice,” he insisted, “I hate to share you but I’d be selfish to keep you to myself.”

You smiled and unfolded a tortilla. Still, your heart raced as the second mention of Ransom that day had you on edge. Dez watched you build your fajita and you looked up at him.

“Well, since you’ll be in Chicago, maybe I’ll get a few pages done.”

🍼

The call came on Monday, Dez wouldn’t be home that night. You contented yourself to stay in with your laptop and sugar cookies. Still, you barely got a sentence done before you snapped your computer closed and gave up with a frustrated grunt. You slept, not well, and got up with some trouble as your hips ached.

A good morning text from Dez made you smile but there was still no promise of an impending return. You felt pent up in the apartment and lonely as its emptiness reminded you of your absent husband. Too tense to sit down and type, you opted to go for a walk, hoping it would calm your nerves.

You walked past the shop windows and stopped to peek in at used books and handmade candles. You had no destination in mind, only a restless step. There was a little store at the corner with locally made quilts and knitted sweaters. The smell of potpourri wafted out from beneath the painted door and made your throat tickle. Even so, your curiosity drew you inside.

A small woman greeted you from behind the desk. She held two needles as she crocheted some indistinguishable craft. You smiled and said hello as you headed down the centre aisle. You looked along the racks of quilts, floral, striped, plaid, and polka dot. You stopped at a bright yellow piece with honey bees along the border. You hadn’t thought of yellow for the nursery.

You felt the soft fabric and checked the tag. You lifted the quilt from the bar, content that it was worth it and a great motivator. You stopped before you could turn back, a familiar voice chilled your blood.

“It’s cute,” Ransom said as he stepped up next to you, “kinda girly for a boy though.”

You glanced over at him and folded the blanket over your arm. You backed up but as you turned he did too. He blocked your bath as he stretched his arm across the aisle.

“My mother told me you were expecting,” he said, “and she was right, you look good.”

“What do you want?” you whispered as you clutched the quilt.

“Nothing, just saying hello,” his mouth slanted.

“Hugh, I’m not stupid,” you hissed, “it’s been five years.”

“Hugh,” he repeated dully, “you remember your manners.”

“Leave me alone and let me past,” you tried to duck under his arm but he shifted his body over and backed you up to the end of the aisle.

“And married,” he taunted.

“He’s outside,” you lied, “if I stay too long--”

“I didn’t see him when you walked up,” he intoned, “he must be easy to miss.”

“Have you been following me?” you uttered.

“Only from the cafe,” he shrugged, “short walk.”

“Please, get away from me,” you quivered.

“I’m not doing anything--”

“You know exactly what you’re doing,” you hissed, “now I will scream so move.”

“Mama Bear,” he crooned, “I love it, you’re so protective.”

“Hugh,” you warned.

“Sweetie,” he hummed.

You shoved his shoulder but he didn’t move. You hit him harder and he winced. He chuckled and stood straight. He waved his arm down the aisle and stepped aside.

“Don’t make a scene,” he said, “you always did like to be dramatic.”

“Fuck you,” you snarled, “don’t come near me again.”

“Don’t act like you don’t miss me,” he called after you as you dropped the quilt on the counter, “we were so good together.”

You left without buying, a shrill apology to the lady at the counter as you went as fast as you could out the door. The bell tinkled after you and the door clamored shut. You felt nauseous and dizzy. The last thing you wanted or needed was to ever see that man again.

[sunder-soul]

As requested, a Part II to the prompt from @riddles-wifey​​ about jealous Tom!

PART I HERE! 💖

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

Jealousy

Summary: Reader tries to avoid Tom following their strange confrontation, fails miserable, a very different kind of confrontation ensues.

Word count: 1.5k Content warning: making out, nothing too serious.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

“Something weird happened,” you say bluntly, falling into the seat next to Margot in Transfiguration the next morning.

She immediately looks up from her textbook.

“With Riddle,” you add quietly, glancing around the classroom to check for onlookers and potential eavesdroppers.

Margot’s brows shoot up and a wide grin splits her face. “Are you serious?” she whispers excitedly, leaning in.

“Yeah,” you mutter, pulling out your Transfiguration textbook and some parchment. “I think he thought that me and Varrowe were dating…”

“And?” Margot says immediately, so focused on you that she doesn’t notice Dumbledore stride into the room (which is rather impressive considering he’s dressed in vibrant lime green robes with glittering gold fastenings.)

“He got all mad last night when he saw us together, but then when I told him that I was Varrowe’s tutor, he…” You trail off, twirling your quill in your fingers, very unsure how to even describe what had happened.

“Yes?” Margot prompts, still grinning.

“He got all up close and… intense,” you mumble with a wave of your hand, feeling your cheeks grow warm.

Margot looks delighted. “And?”

“And nothing,” you shrug, dejectedly writing the date at the top of your parchment. “After that he just… left.”

“Sweet Snidgets above,” Margot says, shaking her head with a wry smile on her face. “You snagged Riddle.”

“I haven’t snagged anyone!” you whisper hastily, glancing around again. “And keep your voice down!”

“I’m so proud of you,” she says theatrically, completely ignoring your panic. “Merlin’s beard, wait until poor Olive Hornby finds out, she’s been planning their wedding since first year –”

“She’s not going to find out anything,” you say pointedly, narrowing your eyes, “because there’s nothing to find out!”

“Sure, sure,” Margot winks, “so what are you going to do?”

“Dunno,” you mutter, “I guess just avoid him for the rest of time.”

“Avoid him?” she repeats, looking scandalised. “Are you completely stupid? Why would you –”

“My deepest apologies, Miss Droope,” Dumbledore calls from the front of the room, making the both of you jump and wheel around in your seats as the entire class turns to look at you. “I’m afraid I must interrupt your conversation with the minor inconvenience of today’s lesson,” he continues with a sparkle in his eye. “Perhaps you two might find a time outside of class to continue your discussion.”

“Sorry Professor,” you both mutter, hastily bending over your notes.

Dumbledore resumes the class, but the side-eye grin that Margot shoots you assures you that you are most definitely not off the hook yet.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

Your plan to avoid Riddle works right up until the exact moment that it doesn’t.

It’s a rainy Monday night about a week after the strange conversation with Riddle and you’re holed up in the library with the most gruelling History of Magic assignment you’ve ever had – a sixty inch dissertation on the contributing factors of the Giant Wars.

You throw your quill down and sigh, staring up at the droplets trickling down the dark window and listening to the relentless thrum of the rain. Your eyes are aching and your brain feels like fuzz – it’s definitely time for a break.

You get up and wander down the nearby shelves, vaguely searching for a particular text and fully intending on taking as long as possible to find it, when just like that you round the corner and see Riddle standing in the middle of the aisle.

You freeze.

He hasn’t seen you yet, peering attentively at a text open in one hand as the other traces down its table of contents. You take a slow step back, and right as you think you might get away without drawing his attention, his head swivels around and his eyes flash to yours.

There’s a very loaded pause in which you must look a lot like a deer caught in headlights.

“Evening,” Riddle says smoothly, snapping his book shut with one hand and sliding it back onto the shelf.

“Hi,” you say awkwardly.

“I haven’t seen you around very much lately,” Riddle says casually, leaning against the bookshelf beside him.

“I’ve been busy,” you mutter, avoiding his even gaze as you scan the shelves for the book you’re looking for.

“Oh I’m sure,” he says softly.

You grit your teeth and squint at the books in front of you, determined to ignore him.

“What are you looking for?” Riddle asks.

“Modern Gigantomachy,” you say reluctantly.

“Which edition?”

You glance around at him. He’s still leaning against the bookshelf, looking annoyingly attractive, the waves of his black hair contrasting with his skin, the fine angles of his brows above his dark eyes, the knowing curl on his lips as he watches you –

“Fourth,” you say quickly before you can get too distracted.

Riddle pushes off the bookshelf and is suddenly mere inches in front of you. Your heart immediately lurches as you take an instinctive step away and your back hits the shelf behind you. Riddle delicately arches a brow at your reaction, his eyes fixed on yours as he slowly reaches up to a shelf far above you and slides a book off of it. He hands it to you and you take it automatically.

“Thanks,” you breathe, staring at him wide-eyed.

“Of course,” Riddle says softly.

There’s another silence. Neither of you have moved an inch, and you begin to wonder exactly how many times you’re going to end a hair’s breadth away Riddle before one of you finally caves –

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he murmurs, a smirk building on his lips.

Your heart stops for a second. “You were jealous of Varrowe,” you blurt out.

Riddle’s smirk falls. He lifts a hand to rest on the shelf above your head, leaning over you very unnervingly. “Jealous?” he repeats sharply

“Yeah,” you breathe, slightly horrified that you’d actually said it out loud. “You were.”

Something works in Riddle’s jaw as he glares down at you, and you hug the book he gave you closer to your chest.

“And why would I be jealous of Varrowe?” he whispers.

You blink at him. Riddle is close, too close, his eyes raking across your face as he looms over you, something almost possessive about his hand above your head. There’s no mistaking the sudden shift in the air between you.

You’re leaning up onto the balls of your feet without thinking twice.

Your lips brush against his, so softly that the kiss is barely there, but enough to send your heart hammering as you pull back just far enough to check his reaction. Your cheeks are aflame and your lips are tingling, unable to believe what you’ve just done as the silence stretches on and on, as Riddle stares back at you, frozen in place with something you can’t recognise burning in his dark eyes.

The faintest frown appears between Riddle’s brow, and then slowly, very slowly, he’s leaning down towards you. Your breath hitches. His lips meet yours at the exact same moment that he steps in closer, crowding you back against the shelf, soft and warm, kissing you with a smooth, relentless pressure and you’re leaning up into it without even realising what you’re doing, thoughts swirling, heat on your skin, stomach twisting –

Riddle is pulling the book from your hands and carelessly dropping it to the floor, taking you by the waist and lifting you up as he steps in again, pinning you to against the bookshelf without breaking the kiss. Your hands card into the soft waves of his hair and his grip on your waist tightens as you wrap your legs around him. The first touch of his tongue makes you gasp against his lips, and Riddle’s fingers immediately tangle in your hair to pull you harder against him. Riddle’s mouth is moving against yours, hungry and unyielding, and you’re getting dizzy as heat curls in your stomach –

He pulls away very suddenly. You stare at him in surprise, breathing hard. Riddle’s lips are slick and his eyes have gone black, one of his hands still buried in your hair and the other gripping your hip so tightly that you’re sure that you’ll have bruises in the pattern of his fingers tomorrow.

“We are in the middle of the library,” he murmurs against your lips. It takes a lot to resist shivering at the sound of his voice.

“We… could… go somewhere else…” you manage to say, your heart racing so hard that he can surely hear it.

A small smirk builds on his face. “What about your essay?” he says smoothly, so close that your lips start aching to close the scant distance between you –

“I think technically I just had my textbook confiscated by a prefect,” you whisper with a flicker of a smile, “so there’s my alibi.”

Riddle breathes a laugh, and then his lips are on yours once more.

Thanks for asking for a sequel @bluehydrangea-cherry​ and @the-almond-dinger 💖

[soccerximagines]

Hopeless devotion / Neymar jr.

Requested though private messages

As you stared out the window, and onto the dark, yet illuminated, streets of Paris - you started reminiscing. Your thoughts flew a million different places, but eventually landed on a childhood memory from back in Brazil. A memory of how you met your best friend.

It was the first day back to school after summer had ended, and it was your first day in third grade after moving here with your family.

Over the summer your younger, by only one year, sister had managed to contract lice. The result? Your mom had to cut both of your hairs really short. Much shorter than what you wanted, and on top of that it came out choppy and uneven. Thanks to that haircut your first day had been horrible. None of the girls had wanted to play with you, and the boys kept giving you weird looks. But just as you felt tears prickle in your eyes, a boy - ignoring the laughter of his friends - walked up to you and introduced himself.

"I'm Neymar da Silva Santos Júnior and I like your hair. It looks cute!"

That line was the start of your friendship with the footballer. From that day the two of you had been inseparable, doing almost everything together. Even your families became inseparable, and they all assumed the two of you would end up together.

You supported him every step of the way in his career, just as he has done with yours. When he signed for Barcelona you had moved there with him, him arranging a job position for you. When he had became a dad to Davi, you were there as a proud friend and godmother.

When he transferred to PSG, and he once again asked you to move with him, you agreed - leaving both your job and new friends behind. To many, you following Neymar around, might seem weird and not that smart. However, somewhere along the way you had caught feelings for him. You were fairly certain that you would follow that man anywhere, no questions asked and no hesitation.

And for a while you thought he might feel the same way. As if the glances meant something else, as if the hugs you shared lingered a little longer than they had to. That's why, when Neymar told you he had gotten a new girlfriend, it stung. None of you had used to be jealous of the other's love life in the past, but this time everything changed. And it got even worse.

"It's not just anybody I'm dating," Neymar had said, awkwardly scratching his neck.

It was your sister. The same sister that, when growing up, had teased you endlessly about your friendship with Neymar. Insisting that you had to be more than friends.

The two of them dating became your breaking point, and you decided that you had to move on from Neymar - one way or another.

Your reminiscing was interrupted by sudden knocks on the door. You weren't really expecting anyone, and that's why you hesitantly went to open the door - pulling your cardigan tighter around your body. Standing in front of you was the same man you had just spent half an hour thinking about.

"Ney! What are you doing here?"

His hair was wet from the rain outside and his eyes bloodshot. In addition to that he slightly stumbled into your apartment. It was clear that he had been drinking and was, if not drunk, then definitely tipsy. However, the clearest telltale was when he leant in and kissed you.

For just a second you closed your eyes and allowed yourself to enjoy the feeling of his soft lips on yours, but then you came to your senses as reality kicked in. You stopped him by placing a hand on his chest, gently pushing him away from you.

"What the heck are you doing?" You protested, "What about my sister? Does she know that you are here, trying to kiss me, at 1 am?"

He ran his hands through his wet hair, as if he was clearing his head, before replying to you.

"I love you, Y/N!"

You opened your mouth to say something, but was interrupted.

"No, I need to say this. Please."

When you nodded carefully, he continued.

"I love you. And I'm sorry it took me so long to realize, but it's so clear now. I love you, deep down I think I always have, and I want to be with you. I want to wake up and fall asleep next to you every day. I want Davi to know you as his stepmom, not as his godmother. Me and Y/S/N is done. It's you that I want, Y/N, and I think you want me to."

For months you had dreamt about Neymar confessing his undying love for you, and now that it was happening you realized that it was nothing like how you dreamt it would be. Firstly, the speech itself was far from perfect, Neymar both struggling to find the right words and slurring them out due to his intoxication. Secondly, you could only think about one thing - how his confession was too late.

"I'm seeing someone."

"Oh," the disappointment was clear on his face.

"I've wanted this for so long, Ney. For you to say this. And I waited for you, followed you around like an idiot for years. But now I'm seeing someone. And he's great! He's kind, funny and he treats me well.."

The following minutes were amongst the most painful in your life. Confusion ran through your mind. You didn't know if you had done a huge mistake in rejecting Neymar.

But as you closed the door after him, his last words to you kept ringing through your head.

"I'll wait for you, however long it might take. We belong together, Y/N, we both know it."

[sundaysundaes]

Revival

Jung Jaehyun X Reader feat. Haechan | Fluff, Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Soulmate AU | NC-17 | 15k

Summary: When fate brought Jung Jaehyun to you, it didn’t feel like your first time meeting him. And with him, smiling at you like his heart shattering to pieces, eyes painted with longing, you knew you were connected to him somehow. You just have to find the answers before it’s too late.

Warnings: sex scenes (both with Jaehyun and Haechan), mentions of death and suicide 

For my lovely cinnamon bun Esme @rainydayswithnct​ I couldn’t think of anything else to give you but this. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, I hope this will make you happy ❤️

His eyes… They remind you of the ocean after the storm. 

It’s not the color as his are dark brown, like the freshly turned earth after rain. It’s the feeling, the way they glimmer under the soft evening light, calm and steady, but in a way, emits sadness, yearning for something. As if he had been crushed, trapped inside a hurricane for so long, he was about to fade into the void. And as he peered into your eyes, full of depths and secrets you long to unveil, something tugs upon your heartstring. 

It’s not love at a first sight. You’ve experienced that before with Lee Donghyuck, the lover whom you share frantic kisses and desperate touches with. But it’s something more intense, something you can’t even begin to fathom, something you wish you understand.

The second your eyes are locked to each other, it’s like you’re electrocuted, starting from the tip of your hair down to your toes.

“Oh, sorry,” you say, your voice sounds like you haven’t spoken in years. A tiny red spot begins to form on his chin from where it made contact with your head earlier. “I was looking for a book so I wasn’t—I didn’t see you there.”

The man, young enough to be around your age with a gaze wiser than most, has an expression of a heartbroken man. There’s pain that fleets through his eyes, a feeling that he quickly hides with a smile too bright to be genuinely coming from the heart. When he speaks, his voice is both rich and soft, deep and tender. “No, it was my fault.” He shakes his head. “Please don’t apologize.”

You want to reach out to him, want to know why he looks like he’s seconds away from breaking apart, want to ask him whether you’ve said too much or too less. But he’s nothing but a stranger and you don’t want to step out of the line. “Were you looking for a book?”

“Yes, umm…” He points his finger towards a book hidden in the shelf behind you. “That one.”

You follow his direction, smiling when you read the title written on its spine. “No wonder we bumped heads. I was aiming for the same book.”

“Oh, then it’s fine,” he says, pushing the book back to you after you handed it to him. “You can take it.”

“No, please, go ahead. I’ve read this too many times already.”

“Me too. So—”

“I insist.” You press the book to his chest, looking up at him. He looms before you, standing 180 centimeters tall that you have to tilt your head up to match his line of vision. You catch a sniff of his scent, the smell of soap and aftershave, thinly layered by cologne. His eyelashes are long, face framed by strong jawlines, brunette locks falling over his forehead. When his lips curve up, pretty dimples start to form in his cheeks. He looks like a painting, a thought runs through your mind, one that you hastily dismiss. “Take it as a form of my apology for bruising your chin,” you add.

His eyes widen, just for a split second before a soft chuckle reverberates from his chest. When he speaks again, it’s almost like a whisper—like a secret never meant to be told, “I can never win against you.”

You barely catch his words. “Sorry, what?”

“Nothing.” He clears his throat, hiding his eyes behind his bangs. “I’m… I was about to borrow this and grab some coffee. Would you care to join me? I’d love to talk more.” His body language indicates that he’s nervous which you find rather endearing. “I mean, It’s hard to find someone who has a similar taste like mine.”

Your heart convulses. You know how grabbing some coffee together tends to lead to something more. Your boyfriend’s name pops in your head but your lips betray you before your brain can form a warning. “Well, I do have a peculiar taste when it comes to books,” you answer with a smile. “Sure, as long as you tell me your name.”

“Right, sorry.” You love the sound he makes when he chuckles, and you love it more when it echoes louder in your ears. He offers his hand, stretching out his lean fingers. “I’m Jaehyun.”

You expect it to be soft just like the way he’s gazing at you, but his palm feels calloused against your own. When you reply to him with your name, he seems stunned but doesn’t stay still for long. Your name flows out of his mouth so naturally, as if he has been calling you for years, like a soulmate to another. It feels like electricity is running through your veins once more, something that you’ve never experienced before.

It takes around ten minutes to walk from the library to the nearest coffee shop and by then, you’ve caught on the little gestures he makes: the way he forces himself to laugh a little when he notices he’s being too straightforward; the way he clears his throat when he feels like his words have more hidden meanings than they let on. You’ve become aware of his passion and the love he has for books, so strong that it can only be matched by your own. You’ve learned about his dream, a novelist in the making, taking his first baby steps to turn it into reality.

“Have you thought about what kind of story you’re planning to write?” You question as you slide your cup closer with hot, black coffee shimmering inside. Before you take a sip, Jaehyun drags a sugar bowl toward your direction. “What?”

“It’s too bitter for you.”

“You think I can’t handle my coffee?”

“It’s not that.” He clears his throat and you wonder what is it that he’s trying to hide. “The coffees here are always too bitter.”

“Yeah?” You taunt him, smirking. “Well, watch me.” You take a sip, about to wince when the bitter taste hits your tongue but you act unfazed. Smacking your lips, you say, “See? I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“No. Give me the damn sugar.” 

It doesn’t take long before Jaehyun’s little laughter becomes one of your most favorite sounds in the world. 

“I’m planning to write a romance novel,” he responds to your earlier question.

“Romance, huh? To be honest, I see you more as someone who writes detective stories. Never would’ve pegged you as a romantic.”

“Well, it’s supposed to be more than just a romance story. It has a supernatural element to it. Borderline fantasy.”

“Like what?”

He takes a few seconds before he responds quietly with a secretive smile. “I guess you’ll just have to read to find out.”

“Cheapskate.” You purse your lips. “Is it going to have a happy ending?”

“Well, they’ll be separated by death in the end.”

“No,” you drawl out. “What happens to them? You can’t just say something like that and then not tell me about it.”

“Of course, I can.” There’s a tiny smirk creeping up his lips. “I’m the author.”

“And a jerk too, apparently.” You’re worried you might go too far with your joke but Jaehyun still peers at you with that warm, longing eyes that make you curl your toes.

“Fine, then,” he succumbs. “Since you insist, I’ll give you a hint later. But you’ll have to imagine the rest.”

“Then tell you about it? What if you steal my idea?” You raise an eyebrow, teasing him. “I happen to have a very creative imagination.”

“I promise you I won’t. I’ve finished writing my version of it. I’ll let you see it after you tell me yours.”

“Huh, interesting.” You pretend like you’re rethinking your decision, just to get him a little bit hopeful and nervous by it. “Deal, why not.” Your coffee has grown slightly cold but the sugary taste of it serves as an addiction. “So, does that mean we’ll see each other again?”

“Well, I do have to go back to the library to return the book. So, hopefully, yes.” You both exchange stares, sharing sheepish smiles with you breaking away first, bringing your focus back to your coffee. “I’ve never seen you in the library before,” Jaehyun questions, “Is today your first time visiting?”

“No. I’ve been visiting it almost every day for the last… two weeks, I think? It’s near my workplace so I usually drop by after work to read for an hour or two. My apartment is pretty small so it feels a bit cramped. That’s why I enjoy spending more time outside.” You swirl your spoon, watching the little whirlpool you create inside your cup. “Besides, I can’t read at home.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s…” You awkwardly laugh, waving one hand in the air. “I have a boyfriend who is younger than me and he’s a pretty lively person. It’s hard to focus on your book when someone keeps pulling you into conversations.”

Jaehyun’s fingers stop tapping against the surface of the coffee table but it’s too fast for you to notice before he starts again. “Isn’t it better to have someone like that rather than to be alone, though?” He counters, the smile on his lips never falter but the one in his eyes does.

“I…” It’s not apparent but you can sense it, the painful look on his face. It feels like you just said something that hurt him so badly that you want to apologize about it. “Yeah… I guess so…”

Maybe he notices you noticing, which is why he tries to mask his feelings better with a wider smile that does reach his eyes this time. “Why do you choose this library?” He diverts the topic. “There are a lot of new ones in town, bigger ones too. This place is pretty old and dusty.”

“Can’t argue with that.” You nod, sighing. “Okay, don’t laugh, but honestly? It just feels somewhat nostalgic to me. The first time I stepped inside, it felt like I’d been spending all my life there—just sitting on that old couch, reading books, enjoying the silence. It just feels familiar, even more comforting than being in my room. It’s weird but I can only feel at ease when I read there.” Jaehyun stays quiet that you have to lift your head to understand what goes through his head. His face is pensive, undecipherable. “What about you? What’s your reason, Jaehyun?”

He stops breathing at the sound of his name escaping your mouth, his shoulders tense, and only after what feels like hours, he finally has the strength to drag his eyes away from yours, bringing them down to see his interlaced fingers lying on the table. 

“It’s just closer to my place.”

***

“Hey, babe.” Donghyuck chirps with a lollipop stuck in his mouth, his fingers running through the keyboards, eyes locked to his computer screen. He can tell that it’s you who just slipped through the front door by the sound of your footsteps. “You’re late. Did you get the puddings I asked you?”

“They’re in the fridge.” You take off your coat and unwrap your scarf from your neck before you stroll toward the living room. You can’t remember what or who initiated it but it has been almost six months since he started living in your apartment. You remember how he used to spend just one night at your place on the weekend, then two when he felt a bit needy for your touch. Before you knew it, his personal belongings were scattered all over the place—his hoodie on the couch, his towel on the bed, his toothbrush on your sink—and he could be spending the entire week at your place, only moving once to his apartment when he ran out of comic books to read. It just came so naturally that you didn’t notice at first but by the time you did, it was too late to even bring the topic to the table.

Being with Donghyuck was easy, casual, and he gave you more reasons to laugh over little things more than anyone else. During the first two months, you acted like newlyweds with him peppering kisses on your face whenever you arrived home from work. Unlike you, Donghyuck is a freelancer and he does most of his work at home. He used to be considerate enough to do some chores for you—cooking, cleaning the bathroom, sometimes even doing your laundry when he felt he’d been neglecting you. Whenever you arrived late, he would’ve always had something prepared for you, beaming at you with a contagious grin while chiming, “Finally, you’re here! I’ve been waiting for you and I’m starving. Today’s dish is your favorite so let’s eat!”

But things are bound to change and happiness doesn’t last forever. It started slow, almost unnoticeable, with him forgetting to kiss you good night before bed and you treating the fact that he no longer paid attention to what you were wearing as normal. Nowadays, he doesn’t have enough affection to greet you with his smile—one that used to shine brighter than the sun. Comforting hugs and welcome kisses are long forgotten.

It’s lonely, but it’s fine. He’s still here. Donghyuck is still yours as much as you are his.

It’s fine.

“I met someone today,” you say, reaching out to stroke his dark hair. It’s so soft and fluffy like a dog’s fur and you find it calming just to card your fingers through them. The feelings are the same, only his reaction isn’t. He used to lean into your touch as a kitten would. Now, he doesn’t even spare you a glance. 

“A man?”

“Yep.”

“Is he hot?”

“Well, he’s not ugly.”

“Then don’t get too close to him.”

Donghyuck is the jealous type, he’s always been—sometimes even a bit possessive but it makes you happy to know there’s someone out there who cares about you so much he doesn’t want to share you with anyone else. But not today. Today, his words feel empty. You can tell that he doesn’t mean any of them. He just says them as a joke, maybe out of habit, but certainly not a warning.

“What will we be having for dinner?” You ask him when he’s busy shouting foul words to his screen as his character just got shot dead.

“Jesus—left, you moron!” He groans loudly in to the air before he turns around, finally recognizing your presence. “What? Oh.” He pops the lollipop out of his mouth. “I just had some take-outs.”

“You didn’t wait for me?”

“I was dead hungry, but I ordered some for you too. It’s probably cold now but you can heat it up.”

“Can you do that for me, please? I love it when you add more seasonings to it.”

“I’d love to do that but,” he smiles apologetically, his fingers meeting the keyboards once more. “I’m busy, babe. There’s an event going on and Jeno literally won’t let me take a break. Look, I’ll cook for you tomorrow, I promise.”

You have stopped believing in his promises, or at least, don’t allow yourself to believe. You’ve learned that the best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything.

You smile back, push his hair away so you can land a kiss on his temple. And no matter how much your bottled-up feelings are about to burst, you don’t say a word.

Because you know silence is what keeps your relationship alive.

***

That night, Jaehyun appeared in your dream.

He had a different hairstyle, a little bit shorter, color’s a shade darker. He was dressed in an old-fashioned way—a white buttoned-up shirt under a brown blazer that was a couple of sizes bigger than it was supposed to. Nevertheless, he looked just as strikingly handsome as he was in real life.

He took off his fedora hat, bowing when his eyes met yours as he entered the library—the one that you always visit. “You look beautiful today,” he said, smiling like he always has from the first time you saw him but it felt different in the dream. His smile was timid and shy, eyes never stayed long enough to be locked with yours, but they were honest. The way they shimmered in adoration at the sight of you, painted with both desire and affection.

Your body went autopilot, words flowing from your mouth before you could even process the situation. It was like you were residing in someone else’s body, just a bystander. “Are you saying I didn’t look beautiful yesterday?”

“No, that’s not—” At the sight of you covering your smile behind your hand, he sighed, pressing his hat to his chest. “Don’t tease me like that.”

“I’m sorry. Which book would you like to read today?”

“Will you choose one for me?”

“Unfortunately, I have a peculiar taste when it comes to books—”

“I trust you.” He smiled a tad wider, perfect teeth peeking behind soft red lips, and you could feel your lips curving to mirror his. 

“Well then,” you said, reaching toward a bookshelf. “Why don’t we start with this?”

It ended without you knowing what book it was nor the line between your dream and reality. They stand out so vividly—the scenery, his expressions, the lines you’d exchanged with him—that it takes you a few good minutes to realize that it was just a dream and not a memory.

You couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night.

***

The library is indeed old, with walls standing in dire need to be repainted. But the faint smell of sandalwood combined with the orange tint of sunlight sneaking through the windows is comforting. Crowds don’t gather much around here—maybe four or five people at most—and you’re consoled by the tranquility. There’s only a soft thrum of acoustic guitar playing through the speakers that keep you company.

And Jaehyun.

You meet him every day when the sun is an hour away from setting. You don’t chat for long, spending most of your hour reading your chosen book for the day while stealing glances at him scribbling stuff down on his notebook.

“Why don’t you use a laptop?”

“Not fond of it. I feel more like a writer this way,” Jaehyun responds, re-reading the words he just wrote on paper. When he notices you’re giggling, he frowns. “What?”

“You’re like my dad.”

“Then I’m sure your dad is a very smart, tech-savvy man.”

“I’m saying you have an old soul, the way you prefer to do stuff more traditionally.” You sink further into your chair, opening a new page, eyes scanning the lines but not reading them. “Well, I guess that makes the two of us since I already have the e-book version of this on my iPad and I’m still here reading it in a library. How’s your story going?”

“Pretty well. I just came up with a really annoying character.” His smile is a bit different this time, somewhat mischievous. “Inspired by someone.”

“You’re not talking about me, are you?”

Jaehyun drags his pen over his note. “Character A begins to question her—”

“Shut up!”

The more time you spend with him, the more you feel like he’s becoming a mystery you can’t solve. You’re closer to him, closer than any of your friends, but you know there are secrets he tries to bury underneath those tender smiles. To you, Jaehyun, with his eyes that always seem like they’re telling a different story—one that nearly drives him to the brink of tears, still seems like an incomplete puzzle. And if time allows you, you’d gladly collect every piece of him to be able to perceive him better.

***

Jaehyun visited you in another dream.

This time, you were walking next to him beside a beautiful pond in a backyard that seemed familiar enough to be your own. Both of you were dressed in traditional clothing and you wondered whether a ceremony just occurred.

“Are you nervous?” He asked, holding your hand.

“I don’t know, maybe,” you heard yourself mumble, body moving beyond your control. “I just feel like we’re moving too fast. We just turned twenty.”

“Are you having doubts?” He intertwined your fingers better and you noticed how his were shaking slightly. “About me?”

“Of course not.” You turned around, reaching up to caress his cheek, stroking his cheekbone with your thumb. “Jaehyun, this is the only thing I’ve ever wanted. I want to be with you, there’s no doubt about it. I’m just thinking about our future, that’s all. What will we do with our jobs? Our money? What will we do when we have kids—”

“It’s just like you to overthink about stuff,” he tittered, “We’ll cross the bridge when we get there.”

That earned him a pout. “I’m not overthinking about stuff. I’m planning them.”

“Of course, my bad.” He kissed your inner palm once before he let you frame his face again, his hand pressing against the back of your smaller one. “Thank you.”

You frowned. “For what?”

“For everything. For caring, for worrying.” Jaehyun smiled so gently, it was almost heartbreaking. “For being with me. Perhaps it’s immature for me to say this, but whatever future that lies ahead of us, I’m sure it’s filled with nothing but joy as long as we’re together.”

“That is such an embarrassing line to say.” You giggled and the blush that bloomed on his face was instant and striking but before he could say a word, you pulled him into your embrace, resting your cheek against his chest. “As long as we’re together, huh?” You repeated quietly. “Then will you promise you’ll stay with me forever?”

“I promise.” Jaehyun’s smile was pressing against your hairline. “Not even death can separate us.”

You wake up with a cold sweat, your heart thrumming so loudly, it makes you feel nauseous. Donghyuck shifts around in bed at the sound of you gasping for air, sleepily asking what’s wrong as he rubs his eyes.

“I’m fine,” you tremulously utter, a hand on your chest as if it could do something to steady your racing heart. “Go back to sleep.”

Donghyuck sends you another look with eyes barely opened. “Come here.” He tugs you closer to his chest, his nose grazing the crook of your neck. “It’s just a nightmare,” he murmurs drowsily against your skin, and in a matter of seconds, he drifts back to sleep.

“Yeah…” You swallow your breath, Jaehyun’s name resting on the tip of your tongue. “Just a nightmare…”

One that feels too real.

***

Weeks turn into months, and what started as curiosity becomes affection. 

Reading books has turned into nothing but an excuse for both of you to spend time together. What started as stealing secret glances at each other has morphed into an exchange of secret whispers in a secluded corner. The questions have become more personal too, and you find yourself talking about childhood memories and nonsensical ideas that show up in your thoughts, even the ones you have never shared with anyone else, not even to Donghyuck who lends his arm for you at night.

It’s only the dreams that you keep quiet about, as they always revolve around him since the first day you met Jaehyun. You’re not sure why, maybe it’s a way of your subconscious trying to tell you that you have feelings for him—feelings that aren’t meant to be shared with friends—as the dreams tend to play romantically. And you can’t deny that you do feel something about him.

It’s hard not to feel anything when Jaehyun has given you everything you’ve ever asked from a person. From a friend. From a lover.

But it’s not love. Definitely not love. At least not in the way you know of. In your mind, love is in the form of hugs you share with Donghyuck, not in the way Jaehyun lands his eyes on yours. Love is—

Your head swirls. What is love?

The concept of love is so complex that even if you know about it, you’re not sure if you understand it enough to experience it. You have never talked about love, not with your boyfriend, not with yourself. Is it something that you’ve already felt once? Are you in love with Donghyuck—the man you’ve spent the last two years together?

What does he think of me? You start to lose focus, sinking into your thoughts and the soft music playing in the background feels like a lullaby. Does Hyuck love me?

Before long, you feel your eyelids grow heavy. You fall asleep with your arms folded on the table, cheek pressing against them.

You’re dreaming. You’re dreaming of a hand, so warm and tender as it brushes stray hairs from your temple. You’re dreaming of a voice, so familiar to your ears, so quiet and heartbroken as it resonates in whispers. You’re dreaming of a pair of lips, so soft and light as they press against your strands.

“It’s okay if you don’t remember me. It’s okay, so please…” Slender fingers curl around your wrist, bringing it to frame a face with skin as soft as porcelain. “Just come back to me…”

You wake up. 

Jaehyun is sitting on the other side of the table, pen tapping against his lips as he reads back his work, eyebrows furrowing in concentration. He notices the little shift in your movement, immediately beaming at you with his signature smile. “Hey there, Sleepyhead.”

You rub your eyes before sitting straight on your seat, your hair’s astray. “What—How did I—” A coat is slipping through your shoulders and you catch it before it meets the ground. It’s Jaehyun’s. “Umm—t-thanks,” you mumble, handing it back to him.

“Sure,” he responds. “You were shivering so…”

“Oh… Right.” You certainly don’t feel cold now especially when your cheeks feel like they’re on fire. “W-what time is it?”

“Around eight. The place’s about to close.” Jaehyun takes a sip of his drink, grinning at your behavior. “You were sleeping so soundly, I didn’t have the heart to wake you.”

“Yeah, well, you should’ve. My boyfriend's gonna interrogate me for this.” You sigh, trying to gather back every bit of your strength and dignity. “Why are you still here?”

He raises an eyebrow at that, acting offended. “You don’t actually think that I’m the type of guy who leaves pretty girls sleeping defenselessly in public, do you?”

The word ‘pretty’ comes so effortlessly from his mouth that you’re sure he doesn’t mean it to mean something more. “There’s literally no one else around here but the staff besides us.”

“Which should be the more reason why I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

You scoff, shaking your head in amusement. “Yes, yes, how chivalrous of you. Thank you, oh my mighty prince. How can I return the favor?”

“By coming here again tomorrow?”

The way his eyes shine with excitement at the thought of seeing you again makes your heart flutter. “I don’t think you need to ask,” you grin.

***

Jaehyun knows you. He knows you too well. But it’s not the things that can be seen, it’s the things that you can only know by spending time together. Jaehyun knows the type of music you listen to, knows that whenever it gets too cold, you’ll start craving a cup of hot chocolate. 

It’s strange, the fact that Jaehyun, a stranger you just befriended, pays attention with all his heart, even at the words that accidentally slipped off your tongue as if you’re the only person who matters in the world, while Donghyuck, your boyfriend, barely bats an eyelash when you share an important aspect of your life. It feels strange at first, but now, it sickens you.

“What’s this?” You ask, examining a CD case he just hands over. “Are you giving me a mix-tape?” It doesn’t have a cover, just a note painted with the words: When we die, we will turn into songs, and we will hear each other and remember each other. You have your eyebrow raised. “A quote by Rob Sheffield?”

“It’s a hint for my story. As promised.” He takes a seat in front of you. “Have you worked on it?”

“When you’re only giving me this quote as a hint and nothing more, it’s kinda hard to come up with something tragic for the ending.”

“I thought you had a very creative imagination.”

You throw a playful glare and he titters a little bit in response. “Is there any other reason why you’re giving me this?”

“Just something to keep you company.” He smiles. He always smiles, but more with his eyes than his lips. Then he slides down another thing—a book this time—wrapped with a red ribbon. “As you read this.”

It’s an old book written by your favorite author, one that you haven’t been able to read because it’s so rare to find. “How do you—” You’re lost for words. You have never told him about this. You’ve mentioned your favorite books but none from this author as it is something personal that you prefer to keep to yourself, not wanting others to judge you for your distinctive taste.

“It’s written by my favorite author,” he elaborates, “I just thought you’d like it too since we have similar taste.”

There’s something he’s not telling you, you can sense that. But if he’s not ready to provide the words, you won’t take them away by force.

“Thank you.” You hug the book to your chest. Somehow, the air feels like spring, like cherry blossoms blooming for the first time after being frozen for so long. “I’ll cherish this.”

“It’s just a book, don’t be dramatic,” he chuckles but happiness is written all over his face, mirroring yours. Jaehyun’s eyes soften and he appears so fragile, like a porcelain doll. So beautiful and vulnerable.

The songs he has compiled for you seem like they’re taken straight out of your playlist. Even for the songs you’ve never listened to before, they click right in. You’re so caught by the moment, drowned deep in the lyrics and the music that resonates from your speakers, that you don’t hear the sounds of your boyfriend stepping into the room.

“I thought I heard noises. What are you listening to?” Donghyuck asks, leaning over your shoulder to peek at the empty CD case you’ve been holding on your lap.

“A friend gave me,” you answer. You notice the way his eyes dart to the handwritten note and it makes you nervous as if you’re doing something wrong behind his back, something forbidden.

“What a thoughtful friend,” he comments nonchalantly, albeit a little bit cold. You mask your anxiety with a chuckle. “Maybe you can tell your friend that there’s this thing called Spotify nowadays. Literally no one listens to CDs anymore.”

Your tongue lays heavy in your mouth, and maybe it’s better to leave things the way it is but you can’t stop yourself from bitterly saying, “I happen to like listening to CDs. It makes me feel nostalgic.”

“You and your nostalgia.” Donghyuck snorts, completely missed the annoyed tone in your voice. He places a peck on the top of your head. “Well, I’m hungry. What do you want to have for dinner? I’ll cook."

“There’s a new Chinese restaurant opening just a block away,” Jaehyun said on a Sunday evening when you two were about to part ways. “They got amazing reviews. Do you have some time to spare? I know how much you love Chinese food.”

“I never told you I loved Chinese food.”

“Everybody loves Chinese food, it’s not that hard to guess.”

“Fine. But if you can guess what I’m about to order, I’ll start filing a restraining order against you, assuming you’re a stalker.”

“Well, I gotta be careful not to get caught then.”

“Baby?” Donghyuck snaps you out of your reverie. “I’m asking what you wanna have for dinner.”

“Umm…” You push a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, somewhat jittery. “Chinese food?”

He frowns upon your words. “I didn’t know you liked Chinese food.”

“I-it’s just something I haven’t eaten in a while.”

“Well, I’m going to cook you something better.” He grins, boyish and ignorant. “How about your favorite Spaghetti Aglio e Olio by Chef Lee Donghyuck?”

You smile, weak but hopefully not empty. “That would be nice.”

***

“You’re okay?” Jaehyun asks the second you take a seat in front of him. He seems so concerned that it surprises you. You haven’t realized you look that troubled.

“I’m fine,” you assure him with a smile. “Just… You know, boyfriend stuff.”

You can tell how Jaehyun is holding back his words from how tightly he keeps his lips pressed together. He’s always considerate like that, always detecting every little thing that you try to hide but never pressures you to speak, especially when it comes to your relationship. Jaehyun respects you, respects the fact that you are already involved with someone that he never tries to get you to look in his direction. Though his eyes often betray him, Jaehyun tries his best to maintain his distance. He never flirts, never praises you with romantic words, never steps out of line.

And you’re thankful for that because deep down you know, once he does, it will be hard to untangle yourself from his grasp.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’d rather not.”

“Then...” Jaehyun closes his book, leaning closer. His dimples are so prominent when he grins, eyes turning into a beautiful pair of crescents. “How about we go try out some dumplings?”

It’s so sudden and random but once the idea sinks in, there’s only one thing you want to say. “Take me away, Jaehyun.”

It’s not about the food. It’s not about ignoring your problems, or the loneliness that’s drowning you a little bit more every day. It’s about enjoying the little things with someone who understands you, someone who doesn’t need to hold your hand to keep you warm. 

Someone who can finally let you breathe.

***

“I can’t believe it’s closed early,” you whine after you read the sign that’s strapped to the library’s front door. “And I was so excited to read the next chapter too.”

“What’s the book?” Jaehyun asks, adjusting the strap of his bag that hangs low on his shoulder.

“No Longer Human.”

“By Osamu Dazai?”

“Yep.”

“I’ve got a copy of that.”

“What, really?” The spark of glee that glimmer in your eyes catches him by surprise but he hides it behind a soft smile. “Can I borrow it? It’s such an old book, I can’t even find the e-book version of it.”

“Sure. Would you like to come over to my place?” The line makes your breath hitched in your throat and Jaehyun recognizes the faint blush that spreads on your cheeks. Mirroring your reaction, he hastily clears his throat, rubbing his nape as his face turns scarlet. “Or, uhh, I can just hand it over to you tomorrow.”

“No, it’s—” As you tuck your hair behind your ear, you notice your fingers are shaking. “I have—I’ve got time to spare. You have coffee at your place, right?”

His shoulders begin to relax and with a soft gaze, he reciprocates with an even tender smile. “If you’re alright with instant coffees.”

“Then lead the way.”

Jaehyun has this mature persona around him, like a caring big brother that calms you down but the second you arrive in his hallway, he fumbles with his words, his key slipping out of his fingers during his first try, and his nervousness starts to rub off on you.

It makes you wonder whether he’s feeling like he’s crossing the line, just as much as you are with Donghyuck’s name sitting on the front of your mind.

“Come in,” he invites, opening the door but keeping his eyes anywhere else but yours. “I hope you don’t mind the mess.”

His apartment smells just like him and it makes it hard for you to focus on anything else. But the second you’re able to sort that thought away, you realize something. He keeps his place minimalist and neat, just like the way he dresses and writes. Everything is organized properly with two paintings decorating his walls—ones that remind you of your grandmother’s house. “You really do have an old soul,” you playfully comment and he scrunches his nose at you in return.

It feels more familiar to step into Jaehyun’s apartment than your own because he has everything that you wanted and more. All the books sitting on his shelf, his collection of CDs, even the potpourri he has on his coffee table has the same scent with the one you’re planning to buy. 

“I know you said we have similar taste, but this…” You scan his bookshelf in awe, noticing how it almost covers his entire wall from how huge it is. He owns hundreds of books and everything is arranged alphabetically. “This is just taking it to another level. Are you sure you’re not my stalker?”

He simpers. “If I was, I wouldn’t have invited you here. Too much evidence.”

“Or maybe you’re just planning to keep me here with you forever.” When he doesn’t reply, you realize how wrong that line just sounded. “I’m sorry, was that a weird thing to say?”

“I didn’t hear anything.” Jaehyun waves you off, walking to the kitchen. “Coffee?”

“Yes, please.”

The tension gradually starts to ease by the time you have a book in your lap, your eyes running from one passage to another. Sitting next to you, Jaehyun has his pen glued to his notepad again, his brown hair nearly looks golden as the sunset illuminates his face with such a warm, beautiful glow.

He really does look like a painting, you admire as you steal glances at him from behind your book. The perfect shape of his nose, his smooth skin, the way he’s so focused on his story, drowned inside his imagination… Maybe you’re being carried away, taken by his beauty, that your mouth begins to produce the words without thinking.

“Why do you look so sad?” 

Jaehyun’s pen nearly slips from his fingertips. “What?”

“Sometimes you just look... so lonely and hurt,” you clarify although you’re growing more conscious of the way you’re crossing the line. “It feels like you’re forcing yourself to smile when you look at me...”

Jaehyun loses the ability to speak, even just blinking his eyes already seems like a stretch. But he sees something, the genuine curiosity and concern written in your eyes, that makes him avert his gaze away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he remarks, forcing himself to chuckle and you know that’s he’s showing you that smile again, even when you can barely make out his features.

You don’t know what’s gotten into you. Maybe you’re just tired of him keeping secrets to himself when you’re sure they concern you. Maybe you’re just sick of seeing him like he’s on the verge of breaking apart without knowing the cause. Or perhaps it’s just your selfish way of saying, “I want you to smile, truly smile, because of me and no one else.”

But you find yourself reaching out a hand, your fingertips meeting the warm skin of his cheek, wanting him to turn his face around so you can see his expression. Jaehyun jolts, your name tumbles down his lips abruptly, his hand clamping against your wrist. “What are you doing?” His eyes are shaking as they bore deep into yours but yours are steady. Your eyes, your voice, your fingertips. They’ve never been this steady.

This is the first time you’ve been this close to him, to know how long his eyelashes really are, the way they flutter against his cheeks, the curve of his mouth, and the beauty mark on his pale skin. He’s possibly the most beautiful man you’ve ever witnessed in person.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to suddenly touch you like that.” You try to retract your hand, but he keeps his fingers around your wrist, hand hanging mid-air as he swallows his breath. Seeing him nervous makes you nervous. “Jaehyun, I won’t force you to say anything you don’t want to say, but…” You haven’t realized that you’ve been speaking in whispers, but Jaehyun has and his eyes soften just as much as yours do. “Please don’t pretend, not when you’re with me.”

Whether it’s from your words or the tenderness in your voice, you’re not sure, but Jaehyun releases your hand only so he can cup your cheek. He murmurs your name, so soft as if he’s telling a secret that he’s been dying to say. He leans forward, his breath is now fanning your cheek, and he’s so close, so close, and your eyes begin to shut when his lips faintly graze against yours—

The ringing sound of your phone blares through the room. 

Your entire movement stops but your heart runs a thousand miles per hour. It takes a good few seconds to come back to reality, and when you do, you’re not graceful at it. “Umm—” You glance away, breaking free from his touch. Your fingers are trembling hard when they retrieve your phone from the table. It has stopped ringing and a notification appears on your screen. The sight of your boyfriend’s name makes you feel like the floor is crumbling underneath you. “Sorry, it’s Donghyuck—I have to—It’s getting late, he must be looking for me.” Too embarrassed to see his face, you quickly gather your belongings into your arms, not even spending a few seconds to wear your coat back. “Thank you for inviting me. I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow?” And you don’t wait for an answer, only forcing yourself to laugh which comes out as strained and pitchy, before you head toward the front door.

“Wait.” Jaehyun has his right hand pressing against the back of the door, shutting it close before you have the chance to let yourself out. You’re trapped between the door and his chest, making it harder for you to breathe. “Can you look at me?” He firmly orders but promptly adds a soft, “Please,” when you’re not brave enough to respond to him. 

You turn around, hugging your purse and your coat to your chest, facing him but not meeting his eyes. You can feel him analyzing your expression, feel how heavy his gaze is on your face. He bends down slightly, hand reaching out to frame your face like before but you flinch, eyes shutting tightly before he can make any contact.

You can’t see the look on his face as you are too frightened to do so, but you can tell how much you hurt him by the sound of his voice. “You forgot your book,” he states, handing a copy of Osamu Dazai’s No Longer Human.

“O-oh, right.” You sound so nervous, so afraid, and you don’t know why. “It’s okay. I won’t be able to read at home anyway—”

“I want you to have it.” It’s the first time he loses the warmth in his voice when he speaks and if you’re not too clouded by your thoughts, if you weren’t so selfish, you would’ve tried your best to fix the situation. But not right now. Right now, you just want to disappear. You want to run back home, run into Donghyuck’s arms like how you’re supposed to be. 

Because this is wrong. This isn’t supposed to happen. Not when you have another man waiting for your return.

You take the book from his hand, noticing how your fingers brush his and how they stay that way for a little too long, but Jaehyun doesn’t say anything. “I’m sorry,” you mumble out, tears begin to prickle at the corner of your eyes and you’re still not sure why you’re on the verge of crying.

“Don’t be. It was my fault.” He notices your emotions, he always does, and it breaks you apart to know how much you’re breaking him right now. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Nothing happened,” you convince him, shaking your head and will your tears to go away before they fall down your cheeks. “We didn’t do anything.”

Jaehyun’s fingers curls, nails sinking into his palms as he tries his best to mask what he’s feeling. “You’re right,” he quietly repeats, “Nothing happened.”

***

“Where have you been?”

Your keys slip through your fingers at the sound of Donghyuck’s voice and you’re petrified, millions of thoughts running through your head as you try to come up with an excuse.

But why? Why do you have to come up with an excuse? “Nothing happened. We didn’t do anything.” Isn’t that what you said?

“Babe?”

You jump back a couple of steps when Donghyuck walks into your personal space with a frown breaking on his temple. He furrows his eyebrows deeper at your reaction. “You okay? You look kinda pale.”

“Yeah, umm—” You adjust the collar of your turtleneck shirt, suddenly feeling like you’re being choked. “It’s fine—I’m fine. I just had a long day at work.”

“Why didn’t you text me? I could’ve swung by to pick you up.”

You force yourself to smile at his offer. “Thank you. It’s okay, really. Were you waiting for me?”

“Well yeah, I wanted to eat dinner together. It’s been a while since we did that and I wanted to make it up to you.” He cutely pouts and you’re reminded of the reason why you’re so trapped under his spell. “Text me next time when you’re about to come home late so I don’t have to wait for you.”

There it is. It strikes again. The feeling of loneliness. Curling your fingers at the hem of your shirt, you weakly reply with, “I’m sorry.”

Because out of the millions of thoughts that run through your head, that’s the only thing you have the bravery to say out loud.

***

“Hyuck?” You call out, carding your fingers through his soft locks. Donghyuck has his head on your lap with his legs sprawled out, taking most of the couch. His eyes are glued to the screen of his Nintendo Switch, thumb moving frantically to land a new high score. “I think we need to talk.”

Donghyuck doesn't respond right away. After a few relentless movements of his thumbs, he shouts, “Fuck, not again! Goddamn, I gotta restart all over again.” You can see him renewing the game, picking a different character. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I just…” You’re nervous, feeling more so than the pain that swells in your chest from not being taken seriously. “It feels like we haven’t been spending time with each other. Properly, I mean.”

“We’re spending time together now, aren’t we?” He hisses when his character takes another damage from his opponent. “What, do you want to watch a movie or something?”

I want us to talk. I want us to laugh. I want us to listen to each other like we used to. “I’m not in the mood for movies right now.”

After taking another shot, Donghyuck groans. “Fuck this stupid game,” he grumbles, throwing his device to the coffee table. “You know what’s annoying? The fact that I could land a perfect high score when I was drunk as fuck but now, I can’t even get into top three!”

Your patience is growing thin, but even then, you can’t find the strength to confront him properly. “Hyuck…”

“Right, sorry.” He heaves a sigh, rubbing his head as he sits straight up, facing you properly. “What is it? Is there something wrong?”

You meet his gaze and you realize how rarely you stand in this position, with him looking directly at your face with concern in his eyes. Now that he’s paying you full attention, your vocabulary turns into a blank slate. Your lips are parted but your voice is nowhere to be found, as it is hidden by the fear of speaking beyond control once you let your emotions run loose. 

“I…” You begin, clearing your throat to sound less anxious. “Are you happy with me?”

He knits his eyebrows together. “Of course, I’m happy. What are you talking about? Have I done something to upset you?”

“No, it’s…” Your hands lay rigid on your lap, fingers tightening around each other. You weakly smile. “Nothing. I guess I just had some weird thoughts popping in my head.”

“Look, I promise you I’ll do the laundry this weekend,” he confidently convinces you, as if that was the problem you’re currently facing. He pokes you on the nose, grinning boyishly. “Stop acting so weird, you’re creeping me out. What else are you thinking about? If it’s sex you want, you just gotta ask. You know I’m down with it anytime you want.”

“Yeah, of course…” You can force yourself to laugh but every sound you make feels like a knife piercing against your heart. “Sorry, I was just being stupid. You can ignore me.”

“I won’t ignore you, how can I do that? Not when you’re this cute.” He giggles, pressing a kiss to your forehead. But his affection does not make the butterflies in your stomach come alive. It makes hot tears threatening to appear in your eyes. “I like your sweater,” Donghyuck coos, “Is it new?”

No, this is my third time wearing it in front of you. “Yes. I’m glad you noticed.”

“I always notice everything about you.” He ruffles your hair as he stands up, stretching out his arms above his head. “Is there anything else you’d like to talk about? ‘Cause I’m dead tired.”

“No. Thank you for listening.”

“Anytime, babe.” He bends his head down to kiss you fully on the mouth, tongue running along your lower lip just to tease like usual. When he pulls away, he has his juvenile grin intact. “Well, I’m going to bed. If I wake up late tomorrow, you can re-heat the food. I’ve stored everything in the fridge.”

Donghyuck disappears behind the door before you can finish saying good night.

***

The sun’s about to set… He must have been there already.

It has been two days since you last saw Jaehyun. You know you’re not being fair avoiding him like this, but you don’t know what else to do. You’re not brave enough to face him after that. Have you been giving him signs? Was it your fault, was it the expression you made, was it the words you spoke, that made him lean towards you, asking for a kiss that you were more than eager to give?

“Hey, babe,” Lee Donghyuck chirps against your ear, arms finding their way to circle your waist, pulling you to his lap. “What are you doing?”

You’re successful at hiding your surprise but knowing it’s Donghyuck, anything will probably pass by without him realizing. Even when you have spent the last fifteen minutes reading the same paragraph in your book over and over again as your thoughts drift somewhere else. 

You have a boyfriend and it’s not Jaehyun. Donghyuck is everything to you now, isn’t he? Yet, if you hadn’t been interrupted by that phone call, you were sure you would’ve yielded to Jaehyun’s touch.

“Nothing happened. We didn’t do anything.”

You’re disgusted with yourself.

You throw a glance to the side, your nose nearly brushing his as Donghyuck settles his chin on your shoulder. Unlike Jaehyun who has a fresh, masculine scent, Donghyuck smells like summer and lilacs under the sun. It’s comforting and sweet, yet even after two years, it stills feels somewhat unfamiliar to you.

“Reading a book.” You shiver when he pushes your hair away, placing a lazy wet kiss on your nape, lips parted and tongue pressing against the skin. “Hyuck…”

“It’s okay, keep reading.” Whenever his mouth makes contact with your skin, he adds a hum or a moan to make sure you know that despite his words, he’s not giving you the chance to continue. “You want us to spend more time together, don’t you?”

You deeply exhale, staring lifelessly at the ceiling, sensitive skin being caressed but none of his touches pumps desire through your veins. Since when did I stop wanting him this way? You wonder, feeling guilty when Jaehyun’s face appears in the corner of your mind once more.

“Baby,” Donghyuck murmurs seductively against the skin, thin fingers slipping underneath the hem of your shirt, trailing over your navel. “Hasn’t it been a while since we last did it?”

“It’s only been a week.”

“And that’s a week too long. I want you.” He strokes your cheek, guiding you to meet his eyes. “Can I touch you?”

It’s a rhetorical question since you both know you can’t say no when he demands something from you. “Of course.”

Donghyuck’s lips still taste the same, feel the same as they suck bruises on your delicate skin but the sparks are no longer there. He used to make you squirm with excitement, body begging under temptation. Sex used to be an adventure, a way for him to make you lose your mind, to have you gasping his name between moans, nails clawing against his back, thighs trembling under his fingertips.

Right now, sex is just… another glue to keep your relationship in place.

Clothes are discarded on the floor, and Donghyuck is sitting with you on his lap, his spine pressed against the couch, nails digging into your hips as he brings you down to take him inch-by-inch. He hisses when he feels you engulfing him with your warmth, head thrown back with lips parted in a blissful moan.

“No matter how much we’ve done it,” he chuckles, eyes glazed with lust. “I can never get enough of the way you’re taking me so well, baby.” Donghyuck is a very passionate lover and his lips love to praise, both by words and kisses. The way he calls your name, the way he whispers, “You feel so good around me,” often makes you wonder whether there would be any other man who will desire you this much. But is it love? Does he love you? 

Do you love him? 

You’re not sure. You don’t know yet. But you know he plays a huge part in your life. Donghyuck once added a spectrum of colors into your previously dull, monochromatic life. You care about him, think about him more than you should, even putting his needs and priorities above yours.

If that’s not love, then what is it?

“Donghyuck…” You flinch when he rocks his hips up, a bit too rough and forceful as he’s getting impatient with the pace you’re going. “I—I think I love you.”

It surprises you that these words can leave your lips but you don’t regret it. It’s the right thing to do, saying these words to him. It’s only natural after the amount of time you’ve spent with him. It’s a way to bridge the gap between you and him, to reignite the flame, to bring laughter back into your life. 

To fix the mistake you just made two days ago.

But maybe his thoughts are too clouded with lust, maybe your words are too quiet for him to hear, or maybe you haven’t said the words at all and everything is just playing inside your imagination but no matter what the reason is, Donghyuck doesn’t answer. The words that escape his lips are obscene, a sign that he’s about to finish and you let him pull you closer to his chest, let him sink his face in the crook of your neck, let him groan and release everything inside because that’s what you’re supposed to do.

“Did you get to come?” He asks, breathless and flushed when he’s finished. His bangs are glued to his temple, sun-kissed skin glistening with sweat and when he strokes your cheekbone with his fingers, they tremble from the pleasure that washed through his body.

“Yes.” You didn’t. You haven’t in a while. It’s not because you didn’t enjoy it. Donghyuck still moved in the way you wanted him to—in the way that used to untie the knots in your stomach, almost making you cry from how good it was. But you’ve begun to realize that there was a part of you missing and Donghyuck isn’t the right piece to complete the puzzle. 

Jaehyun.

The dread of having another man’s name running through your head is so much, it almost makes you vomit your insides. 

“Hyuck.”

“Yes, baby?”

“I said I love you.”

There’s no going around it this time. You’ve said the words, you’ve pronounced them loud and clear but when Donghyuck still doesn’t say anything, you wish the earth could swallow you whole. “Can you… say something, please…?”

“Baby,” he sighs, fingers framing your face so gently, it hurts you. “Please don’t take this the wrong way. It’s not that I don’t love you but—”

You’re stunned, shocked to your core at the incoming rejection but… that’s it.

You don’t feel anything. How can you not feel anything? You don’t feel hurt, you’re not disappointed, you’re just…

Relieved.

“Baby, are you listening?” Donghyuck calls again, grabbing you by your chin so he can peer into your eyes. “I like you. I really do like you. I like you so much but love is such a big word and for me to be committed that way is just… I don’t know, I haven’t figured out my feelings yet. I don’t even understand what love is. I just—I need more time.”

You’re lost for words. How can you tell him? How can you say that you’re so relieved he doesn’t love you back? How can you tell him that his action does not break you apart, but only makes you realize that you’ve just been forcing yourself to stay with him because it feels like it’s the right thing to do?

What if you’re just staying with him because you’re so afraid of being alone, not knowing that loneliness is the only thing he can offer you in return?

“I understand,” you quietly reply, climbing off his lap. Your knees wobble slightly under your weight as your mind travels somewhere else. You gather your clothes into your arms, placing them back on your body.

Donghyuck frowns at your reaction, calling your name as he stands up and pulls his jeans back to place. “Look, I don’t want to hurt you by saying it when I still don’t truly mean it the way you do.”

You can’t look at him, can’t meet his eyes when you can’t even understand how you feel. “I get it, Hyuck, it’s fine.”

But maybe Donghyuck is taking it the wrong way because his voice is laced with both exhaustion and desperation to make this feel any less terrible. “Babe, can we just talk—”

“I said, I’m fine!” You turn around to face him, head dizzy and heart palpitating. It scares you. It scares you that after all this time thinking Donghyuck was the one for you—all the things you’ve done, all the memories you’ve shared—you still don’t understand your feelings for him. You loved him once, you’re sure you loved him once. But is it love if the feeling isn’t eternal? Can you call it love when it fleets by so fast, disappearing without a trace as if it’s never existed in the first place?

To think that these two years you have spent with him would amount to nothing...

You take a deep breath, wishing your body and voice to stop shaking. When you look him in the eyes, there’s nothing but certainty written in your eyes. “You’re right, we need to talk.”

Donghyuck walks to your spot, hand resting against your waist, another one framing your cheek. “Please don’t be mad,” he whispers, and for the first time in the last few months, he does look sorry. “I’m happy to hear you say those words, I really do, but—”

“I want to break up.”

He freezes, jaw dropping low. “What?” 

“I want to break up with you, Donghyuck.”

“What—why—” His eyebrows are sewn together, and you take his hand away from your face, breaking free from his hold. “You’re breaking up with me because I can’t say I love you too?”

“No.” You exhale. “I’m breaking up with you because I feel fine with you not saying it back.”

He stands in silence, then his forced chuckles fill the air. “Babe, what are you talking about—”

“Are you happy with me?” The tremble in your voice has receded. “Be honest. Are you truly happy with me? Or are you just going along with everything because you’re so comfortable—so used to the situation of being with me—that you start to think as long as I’m not hurt, it’s fine. As long as I’m not alone, I can keep going with this relationship, even when I’m with someone who doesn’t truly understand me. Or accept the real me.”

Donghyuck releases the breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding. His voice is a pitch lower when he speaks, bitter and hurt. “Is that how you feel? All this time when we’re together?”

“No.” Your heart still breaks at the sight of his face. “I think I really did love you once, Hyuck. And if you had rejected me a few months earlier, I would’ve probably broken down crying. But now…” You grow stiff, noticing the infuriated look that’s plastered on his face. “I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck stays mute and the silence only adds more tension to the atmosphere. His teeth are grinding against each other when he replies. “Why did you even say you loved me if you weren’t fucking sure about how you felt?”

You twist your finger in the hemline of your shirt, in dire need of something to keep your emotions collected. “I thought it would make us grow closer again. To fix what’s lost between us,” you weakly admit, heart throbbing and breaking at the sight of him. “But then I realized that we shouldn’t say we love someone just because we have to. We should say it because we want to. Because we truly feel that way. But I didn’t feel anything when you didn’t say it back. I only felt… relieved.” 

The enraged look on his face forces you to drag your eyes to your feet and you stay still, breathing as quietly as possible. It’s only when Donghyuck starts to reach for his jacket, muttering, “I’m not having any of these bullshits,” as he walks passes you that you dare to look in his direction.

“How easy for you to put this all on me,” he declares with his fingers lingering on the doorknob, so spitefully it shocks you. “You probably think I’m dumb and insensitive, but I know. I’ve noticed the way you changed ever since you met him.”

“What?” His words feel like a slap to the face. “I don’t—”

“You know,” he cynically laughs into the air, throwing his head back. “Just because you found someone who makes you happy ‘cause he can quote your favorite lines, read your favorite books or listen to the same shit you like, doesn’t mean you can throw me away like I’m some fucking garbage.”

You’re petrified by his words. Somewhere in your head, you keep saying that the reason why you’re breaking up with him is that you’re so different from each other—that there would be little to no chance for the two of you to understand one another even if you’re given all the time in the world. But you can’t deny that there’s a part of you that completely rejects Donghyuck simply because you’ve stopped wanting him as much as you want Jaehyun. 

It sickens you.

“I’m…” It’s suffocating. The tension in the air, his eyes, the way your heartbeat is ramming against your ribcages. “I’m sorry...”

Your apology only aggravates him more and with gritted teeth, Donghyuck slams the door behind him, leaving you alone in the silence of your room.

Your apartment has never felt this big before.

***

It’s funny how you just ended your two years relationship with your boyfriend but Donghyuck isn’t the one you’ve been avoiding for months. It’s Jaehyun.

Something is gnawing at you from the inside, the feeling of guilt as if you just sinned. You didn’t cheat on your boyfriend. Physically, you didn’t. You’re attracted to Jaehyun, everybody would be to someone who owns such a handsome face and delicate features. But it’s more than just physical attraction because when you lay at night in your bed, alone and empty, it’s not his face that comes to mind. It’s the little thing he does, the way he listens to your words so attentively, the way he smiles—happy and sad at the same time, the way he greets you, the way he nibbles at his lower lip as he tries to think of a word to write on his note. 

And the dreams.

The dreams never stop, they only grow stronger. You can remember each and every one of them crystal clear when you wake up. They’re usually different every night but for the last few days, the atmosphere and the surroundings were the same. 

In the dream, you were lying down in a hospital bed, wearing nothing but your white gown, too weak to even lift a finger. Jaehyun was sitting on a wooden chair with a book in his hand—the one that he presented you as a gift in real life—while his other hand was holding yours, thumb tenderly gliding against your knuckles. He seemed much thinner, cheekbones growing prominent with dark eye-bags tainting his pale skin. But his smile was the same, just as warm, just as tender.

He was reading you a story, one that you had memorized by heart from how many times you’ve read it. But it’s different when he read the words out loud, voice melodious and soothing, like a mother’s lullaby. When it was over, he beamed at you, asking, “What’s your favorite part of the story?” And you opened your mouth but no words could come out. You were losing your voice, could only make croaking sounds and even that already put a strain on your body. You could see how much it broke him to hear you struggle but he waited patiently, hand squeezing yours tighter. 

“Me too,” he responded after he heard your answer, kissing your knuckles. “I like that one too.”

In another dream, you saw him sitting at the edge of your bed, his mouth still formed that beautiful, delicate smile, but his eyes were as heavy as the storm. You asked him, why, what’s wrong, trying your best to let your voice break free from your mouth. He brushed his fingers against your cheek, pushing your hair out of your eyes. “I won’t let anything separates us,” he said and it felt more like a promise than how it sounded. “Not time, not death, nothing. I will always be with you.” He let his lips linger on your temple as he whispered the next words. “So it’s okay if you want to sleep. I won’t be going anywhere.”

Then… I’ll see you again when I wake up.

“Yes.” He leaned closer, letting his lips meet your chapped ones in a chaste kiss. “I’ll see you again when you wake up.”

But by the time you opened your eyes, heart thrumming loudly inside your chest, with the sound of the alarm in your phone muffled by your pillow, you knew that in the dream, once you go to sleep, you’d never be able to wake up.

I have to see him.

***

Three months have passed since you last saw him. It’s funny that despite how close you are to each other, know each other like the back of your hand, you just only realize now that you haven’t given him a way to contact you. No home address. No phone numbers. No social media. You’re not even sure what his last name was. You never needed to know his contact details before. Every day, an hour before the sun is replaced by the moon, you will meet each other here in this library—that was the unspoken promise between you and neither of you ever broke it. Not until now. The second you stop coming to the library, you disappear from his life as well, as easy as snapping your fingers.

The quickest way to see him is by visiting the library. Today you will see him. You just have to.

It’s raining hard, hard enough to drench you to your socks, painting shivers to each of your fingertips. It’s a Sunday evening, the sun is an hour away from setting behind the horizon. But with how heavy the rain is going, the day will turn into the night before the sun can shine its light through the clouds again.

Hesitation arises within you as you take shelter on the porch, your shivering fingers circling the doorknob to the library. He might not even be here in this kind of weather, you miserably think to yourself. It wasn’t raining when you took your leave half an hour earlier but you should’ve noticed how thick and dark the clouds were. Your thoughts were too jumbled that you didn’t even think about carrying an umbrella with you.

But you’re already here and if he still keeps his promise…

You take a step inside.

Your clothes are drenched but thankfully they’re not dripping water to the carpeted floor. It’s warmer inside, so warm that you feel like you’re home, sitting close to a fireplace, basking in the scent of sandalwood. Your eyes naturally scan the room, taking a longer glance at the table where you usually sit in front of him, a book in your hands, a smile strapped to your face. Jaehyun’s nowhere to be seen.

He’s not here. Is it because of the rain? Or… Maybe he has stopped coming here to see me. 

You can only realize how important someone is to you when they’re gone and it hurts so much that you have to nip at your lower lip, fingers curling around the end of your sweater. 

I want to see him again…

“You’re here…”

You turn your head to the source of his voice, heart about to burst when you see Jaehyun stopping on his tracks, one hand holding the entrance door open, another one carrying a folded umbrella that drips water to the floor. He’s so stunned at the sight of you, he doesn’t even appear to be breathing. In a whisper, your name breaks free from his lips.

And you run towards him with all your might.

He nearly stumbles from how hard you’re crushing your body against his, his umbrella falling from his grip but he doesn’t push you away. Jaehyun is warm, warmer than everything you’ve ever held and you wonder whether you’re just freezing from the cold or he’s always been this comforting. It feels so natural to stay in his embrace, to be wrapped with his strong arms, to have him whisper your name against the shell of your ear. 

I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much.

Jaehyun...

The first tear that slips down your cheek is an accident, as you don’t want him to see you cry. You don’t even know why you’re crying but you can’t stop. You sob against his chest, fingers curling against the fabric of his knitted sweater, gritting your teeth to stop yourself from crying harder but failing every time. 

Jaehyun never breaks away from your embrace. He does not care if people stare, does not listen to the murmurs being exchanged at the back of the room. He pulls you closer, one hand holding you around the waist and the other one stroking your damp hair. “I thought I’d never see you again,” he says, overwhelming you with his scent, his warmth, his voice, his everything and you still want more. His lips nearly brush against the tip of your ear when he whispers, “I’ve missed you.”

Your hands are now fisting the back of his sweater, pressing your cheek to his chest as you muffle your cry, focusing more on the sound of his heartbeat. It feels like a dream, one that you never want to wake up.

It’s only when you have the strength to pull away from him that he releases you. He swipes his thumb under your eye, erasing the stains of your tears. He looks at you in a way that is so different than the way Donghyuck used to. His gaze is softer, a mix between the feeling of relief for having you in his arms and a yearning to have more as if you’re still far away from his reach.

I want him to stare at me like this forever.

“You’re freezing,” he says, noticing the coldness of your cheek against his palm. “Would you like to come over to my place? I can make you something warm.”

You let out a tiny laugh. “That would be nice.”

***

Jaehyun’s sweater is too big that the hem falls to the middle of your thighs. Your clothes are in the dryer, making rumbling noise that’s loud enough to fill the awkward silence between you. Drying your hair with a towel he gave you, you take a seat next to him, careful enough not to invade his personal space too much.

“How are you feeling?” Jaehyun asks, handing you a cup of hot chocolate.

“Warmer now, thanks.” You wrap your fingers around the mug, seeing a cloud of steam erupting from your drink. 

“It’s been a while since we last saw each other. I’m glad you look fine.” 

“I am. I feel fine. More so than I’ve ever been.” And it’s not a lie. Being here with him, despite everything that happened, makes you feel at ease. He makes you feel as if you had been embarking on a trip for so long and now you’re finally home. “Were you, umm…” Were you planning to wait for me at the library? Have you been waiting for me all this time? Or was it just a mere coincidence that we bumped into each other again?

“Were I what?”

“Never mind.” You don’t have the bravery to do it. Flushed, you quickly take a sip of your drink.

“I was about to wait for you,” he suddenly confesses, nearly making you choke. “I was… worried about you. I kept wondering whether something bad happened.” His voice gradually turns into murmurs as he continues. “And I thought... After what happened... You hated me.”

The ticking sound of the clock echoes like thunder when silence hangs in the room. “I would never hate you, Jaehyun…” You’re unconsciously rubbing the edge of your mug with your thumb, eyes fixated on the glass instead of him. “There’s no way I could hate you.”

From the corner of your eyes, you could see him turning his head to face you. “Well, you stopped visiting for three months without leaving a word. It was hard for me to stay positive,” he says, a bit teasingly, “And I had no idea how to contact you either. I didn’t know what else to do but wait in the library every day until I could see you again. So that’s what I did.”

Blood is rushing to your face. He did wait for me. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” He chuckles and you just realized how much you missed hearing it. “You don’t need to. I’m glad we can meet again.”

“Me too.” You mirror his smile. “You know, you could’ve just looked me up online.”

“Then, why didn’t you?” He asks and your heart stops. “Why didn’t you call me?”

You have to tell him the truth, you owe him that much. “I couldn’t. The way Donghyuck looked at me when I broke up with him made me feel so guilty and I knew I would hate myself even more if I ran back to you right after.”

“Why?” Jaehyun questions in a whisper. “What did you feel guilty for?”

Your heartbeat roars so thunderously loud, you can hear it in your ears. “Because he said the reason why I broke up with him was that… I had feelings for you.”

Jaehyun stays in silence for a few seconds and it drives you insane. Eventually, he leans forward to lay his cup down on the coffee table. “So…” He hesitantly speaks. “Did you tell him he was wrong about that?”

You tighten your hold around your cup. “I…” Taking a deep breath, you confess. “I didn’t.”

And there are so many things to be said, but none of you dares to speak. The silence is deafening, its invisible arms strangling you little by little and you’re trapped, not knowing whether to ask him to respond or just run away before your heart explodes to pieces.

Jaehyun does that look again where he stares at you like you own his heart, giving you the permission to hold it or crush it however you like. “Your hair is still dripping water,” he says, reaching out to place his hands around the towel and gently dab your strands, squeezing out the excess water and he’s so close, you can truly see the color of his eyes. In the soft, yellowish light of his room, they’re a little bit darker, a stark contrast to his pale skin. You’re distracted with the way his eyes shimmer under the light, the way he breathes so softly, warm breath hitting your lips.

And you don’t know who initiate it, but for the next breath you take, you’re gasping for it against his mouth. Jaehyun’s lips move slow against yours, tentative and patient, waiting for you to react. But he doesn’t have to wait, not when you’ve been wanting to do this for so long. Not when both of you have been wishing for it to happen.

If your mind wasn’t too deluded with the thoughts of him, how he feels against your body, how he tastes on your tongue, how the low grunt and moan that escape from the back of his throat successfully send shivers down your spine, you would’ve probably thought about how different he was compared to Donghyuck. Jaehyun was so tender, cradling your figure so gently as if you were about to break into pieces if he moves too fast. His kisses aren’t as rushed and bruising as Donghyuck’s, but they’re deep and just as passionate, if not more. The effects that his lips have on your skin burn stronger than anything you’ve ever felt. And if you thought Donghyuck reminded you of the sun, Jaehyun was the blazing sun himself.

But you couldn’t think of Donghyuck. You can’t think of anything else but Jaehyun. Right now, he’s the only one that matters.

“Push me away anytime you want,” he says, eyes dark and hazy, as he circles a hand around your waist to press your body flat against his chest.

With one hand fisting his collar, you let your lips taste him once more. “I never want you to.”

Your soft gasp is muffled by the skin of his neck when Jaehyun lifts your body off the couch, and you tangle your legs around his waist for support as he carries you toward his bedroom. Despite the growing, overwhelming passion between you, he lies you down so gently on the bed, hovering above you as he paints your name at the skin below your ear. You let out a sigh, pulling him closer and closer until you can sink completely into his warmth. 

No words are being exchanged because they don’t need to. Jaehyun speaks with his eyes, expresses his feelings with his lips, and carves your body with nothing but affection and adoration with his gentle hands. It amazes you how different sex can feel when there are feelings involved. It’s a connection, not just between your body and his but your mind, your soul, and every bit of your heart.

You’re more sensitive to his touch that even the slightest slide of his finger can make you arch your back. Jaehyun swallows every gasp, every moan of his name that tumbles down your lips and you do just the same with his.

He only stops to give you the chance to catch your breath when he’s fully sheathed inside you. His fingers tremble as they caress your face. “Are you okay?” He asks, sounding breathless and hoarse. He looks even more beautiful like this, skin glistening with sweat, lips bruised and swollen by kisses, pale cheeks reddening at the feeling of you peering into his eyes.

You smile, gaze softening. “I’m fine.”

Jaehyun has never looked so content before, so relieved, so happy and it makes you feel something in your stomach—something that you haven’t felt for months—to know that you’re the reason behind his most genuine, beautiful smile. When he whispers, “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me,” into your ear, you know that he’s not talking about the time you were absent from the library. His words have more weight to them as if he’s been waiting for you for years as if you once belonged to him before something separated the strings between you.

“I’m going to move, okay?” Jaehyun murmurs against your lips, and you let out a shaky breath, nodding a little.

He takes it slow, waiting for you to adjust to his rhythm as he keeps his eyes on your expression to make sure he’s not hurting you in any way. His eyes are half-lidded, cheeks flushed, lips parted in a small moan, barely audible. He splays one hand on the inner part of your thigh, fingers pressing hard against the supple skin as he pins it down to the bed, spreading your legs wider so he can press himself deeper inside you.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers against your jawline. “So beautiful…”

You nibble at your lip, circling your arms around his shoulders, raking your nails down his back as he picks up the pace. He’s perfect, he’s so perfect at everything he does—the sway of his hips, the angle, the way he changes from giving shallow to deep thrusts in accordance to your expression, knowing exactly what you need. 

He kisses you every time you give him the chance and it makes everything a lot more intimate, makes you feel more vulnerable, makes you feel more exposed. “I’m in love with you,” he says, forehead pressing against your own. “I’ve always been… All this time…”

There’s a surge of joy washing through your entire body and it’s so intense, you find yourself hiding your face in the crook of his neck, your vision blurred with tears. How can you feel so complete when this is your first time with him?

“Jae—” You gasp, your thighs trembling as you wrap your legs around his hips, arms hugging his shoulders tighter. “Jaehyun, I’m—I’m close—”

At your words, Jaehyun untangles your arms from his body and sits on his heels. He takes a hold of your waist and slams his hips harder to yours, driving you to the edge until you’re left sobbing against the sheets. He pulls away on the last second to finish himself off, tainting your stomach as a low grunt breaks free from the back of his throat. His bangs are falling over his eyes, a bead of sweat rolling down from his chest to his lean stomach and he still looks like a painting, one that you can’t seem to stop admiring.

“Wait, don’t move,” he says as if you had the strength to do so. “I’ll clean you up.”

When he comes back from the bathroom, fully clothed in a white tee and black sweat pants, he takes care of you so attentively, dabbing warm towel along your skin, swatting the bangs out of your eyes. A gentle smile never leaves his face but he blushes whenever your eyes make eye contact, though not as apparent as the shakes on his fingertips. 

“You’re so good at this,” you tease him, propping your elbows on the bed. “Must have a lot of experience with women, I’m sure.”

“I’ve only ever been with you,” he answers and it doesn’t sound like a lie.

“What?”

His movement stops, acknowledging the appalled look on your face. “There’s… something you need to know.” He slips under the comforter, lying down on his side, and makes sure it covers your body to your shoulders to keep you warm. “That day, when we first met… It wasn’t our first time meeting each other.”

“What do you mean?” Your eyebrows are adjoined in the middle. “When did we first meet then?”

Jaehyun falls quiet, eyes searching yours. “In the same library,” he says, “Seventy-four years ago.”

***

“Where are we?” The question leaves your lips as you scan your surroundings. Jaehyun has taken you somewhere you haven’t been before, a rural area in the foothills of Jiri Mountain. After spending more than three hours drive from Seoul, seeing nothing but never-ending roads and traffic signs, it feels refreshing to see a charming little village, blanketed in a snow of white and soft pink, with the sound of water streams soothing your ears and cold wind of April caressing your cheeks.

“Hwagae,” he claims, his hand never leaving yours as he walks next to you, taking shorter strides to match your step. “People usually think that Jinhae is the best place to see cherry blossoms, but for me, it’s here.” He glances at the way your fingers are intertwined with his, smiling timidly to himself. “But maybe due to personal reasons.”

“Well, you’re not lying…” You murmur in awe, eyes widening at the sight of cherry blossoms trees that line the road, following both sides of a turquoise-blue stream, pebbles whisked about in the under wash like pieces of glitter. “It’s beautiful.”

You can hardly pay attention to anything else so when Jaehyun presses a kiss against your hairline, your heart nearly leaps out of your chest. “It is, isn’t it?” He says, pushing some loose strands behind your ear. “Beautiful.”

With his eyes locked with yours, it seems like he’s praising something else and you look away, cheeks heating up at his words. “How long does this road goes?”

“Around four kilometers.” Jaehyun follows your steps. “There are more than a thousand cherry blossom trees around. Locals call this lane the Marriage Road as it is said that lovers who walk hand-in-hand under the trees will get married and live happily ever after.”

He tightens his grips around your hand, and you can swear your palm is getting sweaty from how nervous you are. “You just can’t stop making me blush, can you?”

“I’m just stating out facts.” He chuckles and it’s even more beautiful than the whole scenery. He’s more beautiful than anything you’ve seen. But when he speaks, all trace of humor has dissipated. “You may not remember but... This was the place where I asked you to marry me.”

You have seen it coming but it still shocks you, nonetheless. It’s easier to treat him as a liar who’s telling superstitious stories and pointing things about you because he’s a stalker that knows more about you than he should. But the more he tells his stories, the more they feel like the truth and it’s not just a hunch. His stories are his versions of the dreams you’ve been having. The dreams that you’ve gotten ever since you first met him, and you never told anyone about that.

As you take a seat on the nearest bench, Jaehyun hands you his journal—the one he’s been using to write his novel. “I think it’s time for you to read the story.” But as you reach out to open it, he lays his hand on top of yours. “Before that,” he says, “Remember what I asked you? I want you to guess the ending for me.”

You’ve never thought about it, never imagined how the ending of his story would unravel. He has told you that it was about a pair of lovers meeting each other by fate and separated tragically by death, you knew that much. But anything could’ve separated them, whether it was because of sickness, accident, or simply because of old age, you could’ve guessed wrong. Yet, when your lips moved without thinking, providing answers that make your heart jolt, Jaehyun smiles and says, “Correct.” He then opens the book and gives you the chance to run your eyes through every passage. It’s written in a first-person narrative, allowing you to see through Jaehyun’s eyes as he unveils his story. 

The female lead has your name.

Every line. Every word. Every description. They feel like deja vu and the tiny hairs at your nape begin to raise. Your fingertips tremble as they move to open new pages. These are memories. They truly happened in the past. As you read, you can feel your own coming back, little by little, and by the time you’re halfway through the story, you can guess the next part that’s about to happen or correct little details that may have slipped from his mind.

“They were lilies,” you say, fingers tracing his perfect handwriting. “Not white roses.”

“What?”

“The flowers you gave me on our first anniversary.”

Jaehyun takes a shaky breath, and when he chuckles it sounds like a peal of tiny laughter and a choked sob at the same time. “Is that so?” He weakly asks, fixing his gaze to his lap. “I’m sorry, I must have forgotten.”

But he remembers everything else, everything that matters, even the way he felt back then. You could tell the love he once experienced with you through his eyes, the longing he has suffered as he waits for you to remember him once more, and the agony of being separated from you.

It’s easier to cry than to breathe when the memories of your past life start to dawn on you but you provide your best effort to stay reserved. There are more you need to learn.

The reason why he visited the library was not because he lived nearby. He moved there so he could visit the library, as it was the first time he met you in the previous life. “I was hoping she would remember the place as it was something we both grew fond of,” Jaehyun wrote in his journal, “She always thought I had a passion for books. She was wrong. She was the one who taught me that stories could mean something more. That they could make you feel alive, make you feel something you’ve never experienced just by words. I’d like to believe that these stories were the ones who brought us together, so we could create our own and maybe then, we could inspire other people—to make them feel alive with our stories.

I waited for her every day, from one season to another. The memories I have of her have always been there with me ever since I could remember, but that did not guarantee hers would resurface. Maybe she was looking for me. Maybe she was not. Either way, I couldn’t give up. I would not give up. 

And finally, one day, I saw her again. In the same library, with the same little smile she always had whenever she had her eyes fixated on her book. She appeared exactly the same as the first time I met her 74 years ago. I could not breathe, trapped between reaching out to her or just standing still in the distance, because when our eyes met for a brief second, she looked away. 

She did not remember me.

I was crushed. Devastated. I was nothing but a stranger. Twenty-five years I had been searching for her and now that she stood before me, I lost the ability to speak. It took me another week until I could find the bravery within me. I tried my best to appear as nonchalant as possible, even when my heart was breaking, even when my hands were shaking. I sank my nails into my palms so I wouldn’t take her hand and pull her into my embrace. When she told me her name, I was shocked. Her last name was different but her first name was the same, and I wanted to laugh. Fate could be so cruel, letting her keep her name but not her memories. 

But memories could be re-created, and I learned that none of her habits had changed. I might be a stranger, but to me, she was not. She was my wife and I wanted to hold her. I wanted to tell her I love her and hear her say the words back to me. I was ready to start over, to make her fall in love with me once more but before I could even begin, I learned that she had belonged to someone else.

And what killed me was that… She did not look happy with him.”

Your breathing stalls. Everything makes sense now. He’s been holding everything to himself. This was the secret he kept from you. And that time when he almost kissed you… What did you say to him?

“Please don’t pretend, not when you’re with me.”

That’s what he did. He stopped pretending. 

And you pushed him away, treating both of your feelings and his like a mere high school crush when they were something deeper than anything you’ve ever had. 

You place your lower lip between your teeth, nibbling at it until it grows white. He must have been so hurt, you realize, I’m the worst.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asks, reaching out to take your hand. “You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to.”

“No, I—” You shake your head, hoping the tears won’t fall. You give him a reassuring smile. “I want to. I need to remember.” Your smile doesn’t deceive him but he gives you the space you need, believing the honesty in your words.

Your marriage with him only lasted for four years before you passed away in your sleep, your weak lungs could no longer support your system, and through his story, you learned that Jaehyun followed you to the place he shouldn’t have. Because just a few minutes later after you took your final breath, he slit both of his wrists with a knife and hugged your body close to his chest, his blood drenching the white sheets underneath. His lips lingered against your hairline as he spoke, “I’ll see you again when you wake up.”

His neat handwriting starts to turn into dark splotches of ink as it is tainted by your tears. You’ve remembered. You’ve remembered everything. Everything that makes you happy and everything that hurts, you’re reliving each and every one of them. 

“Why?” You sob, shoulders quivering as you try to keep your emotions contained. “Why did you do that? You could’ve lived for many more years. Could’ve found someone else.” You bury your face in your palms, voice muffled by your skin. “You could’ve been happy without me.”

You can’t see how he looks at you, can’t feel his touch as he’s nowhere near, but you hear him take his breath. “My mother used to say,” he says, “that two people who are meant to be would always find their way to each other, even in the afterlife.” Jaehyun moves and kneels on the ground in front of you, his hands prying yours away from your face and his smile has never looked this blissful. “That’s why,” he continues, voice so soft it’s almost as light as the wind. “If there’s a chance, no matter how little it is, for me to see you again I would gladly trade my eternity for it.”

There are emotions you can’t explain, ones that you can’t understand. Emotions that make you cry as if the world was ending but also ones that make you feel so blessed to be born into this world, to be able to see him again, to witness his beautiful smile, his beautiful soul, and the beautiful love he has for you.

“Why are you crying?” Jaehyun chuckles softly but the quiver in his voice betrays him. He strokes your cheek, drying your tears with the pad of his thumb. 

Leaning into his touch, you sob against his palm, “I love you,” you confess, “I love you, Jaehyun. Even if my memories never came back, I’d still fall in love with you. Over and over again. I’m sorry you had to wait—”

Jaehyun abruptly stands on his knees, pulling you into his embrace. As your eyes widen in surprise, he buries his face in the crook of your neck, whispering, “If I had to wait a thousand years to be able to have this one moment with you, I’d gladly do it in a heartbeat.” His shoulders begin to shake and you wrap your arms around them, drenching the fabric of his shirt with your tears. “I love you too.”

There’s a voice inside your head that says, ah... so this is how it feels. 

Love... is not so complex after all. It doesn’t have to be. It’s not something to be understood. It’s not something to be thought endlessly. It’s not a choice to be made.

It’s a feeling, and feelings are meant to be felt. And you realize that happiness does not only emerge when your love is answered with the same passion. Happiness is already there in your heart just by loving him. You love him. You just love him. Entirely. Infinitely. 

So you kiss him with the biggest smile you can make, you pull him close with every strength that you have and you let him stay. In this life or another, you will let him stay.

And you will see him again when you wake up.

***