#also ​this entire thing is like a metaphor so

[violenteconomics]

the first-years accidentally enter a Sage's Island singing competition, because yuu saw the words "participation money" on the poster and signed them up immediately because the vacation fund, you guys, THE VACATION FUND-- (different au from the restaurant, btw)

the contest is through video submissions, so yuu brings all the first-year together to pump out a semi-decent, story-driven music video (think "last friday night" by katy perry -- a mix of story cutscenes and actual dancing). they used to dabble in making original music back home, so they write up a quick, catchy song, and assign everyone their roles.

after the whole fairy gala thing, jack and ortho are very adept at making walking/flying look fabulous, and so they're the main stars for the acting segments. ortho is also in charge of the technical parts: providing equipment, editing, etc. jack is very embarrassed over the idea of being in a music video that a bunch of people will see, but after he sees leona eat a mouse off the floor because he was too lazy to pick up the plate of food ruggie left for him, he decides he really needs his vacation as soon as possible. same for ortho, except he had to watch idia heat up a cup of ramen, drop the whole thing on the ground, and then proceed to still eat it anyway.

since ace actually knows what people like, he's in charge of planning and directing the choreography and writing the story. he's a little bitchy about it, but he's good at what he does, and not nearly as bad as vil, so... little mercies.

being strong enough to carry the heavy equipment, sebek is the one in charge of actually recording the video itself. he's ALSO in charge of making the costumes, being the only one with enough determination to study for five nights straight on modern fashion trends and... y'know, being the only person out of the seven who knows how to sew, lol. being the emotional, sensitive guy he is, he's also in charge of the lighting and the overall aesthetic of the video, knowing exactly which elements will evoke what response in people (aka, he throws a bunch of things at the wall and sees which one makes him cry the hardest). don't worry-- yuu keeps him from plastering malleus's face all over it.

that leaves epel and deuce to be the dancers. luckily, the choreography isn't nearly as... bubblegum pop, i guess, as "absolutely beautiful", so it doesn't take a whole lot of convincing for them to do it. deuce, like jack and ortho, isn't entirely sure of being on camera, but then trey gets called back to the queendom by a family emergency, and the whole dorm goes to shit and somehow catches on fire, soooooo...

at the end, they submit their video, and grab their participation money. and they honestly think that's the end of it...

...until they get an email saying they won first place, the video blows up on TwistTube, articles start getting written analyzing the metaphors and complex story in the video, and now eric venue is coming to sage's island to see if they'd be willing to do a promotional music video for a movie he's producing.

uhhhhh... whoops?

[birdmitosis]

Are you still dining the ask game? If you are what are your thoughts on the pristine blade

LOL okay I will definitely do this one. This is a very cool ask actually and I am so excited to share my thoughts on the pristine blade itself!

First impression

This is just our implement. We had to have a weapon of some sort available to us to be able to slay the Princess, right? Mostly I just kinda dismissed the blade as a storytelling convention and that's about it.

Impression now

Much more intrigued, honestly! The pristine blade is one of the only parts of the Construct besides us, the Princess, the Narrator in our head, and the environment. It is almost always there (besides in The Wraith, interestingly enough) and it is always "pristine" -- even in the dirt or covered in blood. Is it a piece of us? A piece of the Princess? A piece that came from the messy tear that separated us? And does it have any connection to the Princess's chains -- the only other part of the Construct besides those things? What does its being "pristine" signify? There is definitely something about this blade...

Favorite moment

When you hold it the "cool" way by default if you take the blade in The Apotheosis. That combined with the swell of epic music and us facing down a Biblically Accurate Princess large enough to have her own gravitational pull just made me cheer out loud when I first saw it!

Idea for a story

This one's a bit harder. I haven't had any real ideas up to now, except to explore in various fic how the voices might choose to arm themselves post-Construct, who would continue to choose blades, or if they managed to have the blade when they left who would most often have it (or be allowed to)...

I could also, though, see a fun fic coming from the idea of "what if the blade was available in The Wraith?" Or maybe what if it wasn't available at all in The Den or The Thorn?

Unpopular opinion

IDK if this is super unpopular, but I think it is even more interesting and fucked up and badass of her if you go the route of screwing up so bad with Thorn that she swallows the blade whole. If nothing else, it really shows how much of Witch is still in her, and I love that!

Favorite relationship

I can't narrow it down to just one!

I love the relationship Cold has with the blade as almost an extension of himself, as both being weapons. I love Contrarian's dedication (until the Stranger ending) to throwing it out the window and also his insistence to hold it the other way that comes back in The Apotheosis even though he's not there! I love Hunted's relationship to the "steel claw." I love Paranoid's moment of "steel can't lie to us," and how she's perfectly willing to use it to slit our own throat despite desperately not wanting to die before. I love Skeptic refusing to let you not take the blade and being willing and able to stop your heart if you don't use it in the leadup to The Grey!

I also love Adversary wanting us to stab her with it. How Damsel is perfectly willing to let you chop bits of her off with it (how metaphorical), and accepts her death if you slay her with it with tears in her eyes, and has it firmly in her heart as the Burned Grey, and if you reach for it she gently holds your hand there. How Prisoner uses it to cut off her own head. Everything about Witch and Thorn's relationship to it, whether things go well or terribly. How in The Wraith it just disappears entirely, for the only time in the entire game!

And I love how desperately the Narrator clings to it, needs it to be there. And I love the relationship the Princess (Harsh, Soft, or Stranger) in Shifty's heart has with it; her line that since you chose to take the blade, it has to be used, just gets me right in the heart.

I guess if I had to chose, out of those three... "categories" I suppose? I'd choose Skeptic, Damsel -> Burned Grey, and Shifty's Heart.

Favorite headcanon

I mean, it's not confirmed, but I think I like the idea that the pristine blade and the Princess's chains are similar things. Only you can use the pristine blade to attack with, though the Princess can use it against herself (Prisoner and Thorn most obviously), she never stabs you with it even when she winds up with a blade of her own; you have very little effect over the chains, only being able to be trapped in them in The Prisoner, while Prisoner can attack you with them, several of the vessels can free themselves from them, and the ones you free from them plant the idea in your head first (Damsel, Tower). The chains, like the blade, are always in the same place until certain Chapter IIIs, where sometimes they disappear.

The pristine blade is tied to the Long Quiet in some way, may be a part of him, while the chains are tied to the Shifting Mound in some way. Again, not confirmed, but I really like the idea.

[dolche-tejada]

Round 7 : The Duality of Qin and Hades

I don't think there was any other round conclusion that left me that confused at first. I mean... why did Hades died so tragically when he was fighting for his family and to honor his dead brother's memory, motives that usually tend to be some huge green flags in those kinds of mangas ? And then I realized the answer was right there : Hades was doomed to lost like this precisely because he was fighting for the honor of his family. To understand what I mean, you had to take a look at Hades and Qin as characters

Let's begin with Hades. He is at his core a tragic figure and this well before his actual downfall. From the moment he's introduced into the plot, Hades is defined above all through one thing : Duty. He's one of the most feared and respected gods of Valhalla, someone on which everyone rely and the Ruler of Helheim.

And this is his tragedy because Hades does not assume the responsibilities and duty that come with his status, he endures them and lets them define his entire life.

His whole language is always axed about how he has to do this or how he can't lose that just because that's who he is, never because that's his own choice.

Hades has no desire to avenge Poseidon. He's emotionally exhausted (look at the bags under his eyes), he admitted not having fought for a long time and more importantly : He damn well knows that Poseidon couldn't care less about being avenged. But he has to fight anyway because it's his inherent duty as an older brother, his vow is part of who he is.

He wasn't supposed to fight in the Ragnarok and didn't even want to kill Qin against whom he hold no real grudge. Quite the opposite, he even comes to sympathize with him and admiring him. But he still chooses to fight without hesitation since it's his duty as a god and king of the Netherworld. He can't lose again a mere king of men.

And that's where Qin comes in.

His introduction actually sums him up perfectly : We see him making his own way by breaking through walls into the gods' VIP lodges instead of waiting in his room ; he ragdolled Ares who tried to force him to leave ; and when Brunhilde asks him to follow her to the entrance gate, here's his answer

This is his core character : Qin doesn't care about traditions and expectations. He doesn't follow the path that is expected of him, he traces his own road (literally and metaphorically) and makes no compromises with anyone, whether they are gods or humans.

When confronted to Chi You, a tyrannical demon god who oppresses his country and people, Qin doesn't resign himself to accept it like previous kings did, he actively fights against this status quo and forces it to bend to his notion of duty

It can be long (his fight with Chi You literally take six days), it can be painful but this is how he proceeds and that's his greatest source of pride. He's not defined by his status as king, he's the one who defines what it means to be one

This is an essential component of his backstory and Round 7 writing. When we meet Qin as a child, he's the radical opposite of the one we know : He doesn't try to impose himself as a person and rather immediately conforms to the expectations of those around him.

Chun Yan scolds him for not acting like a child should ? He forces himself to act as such to satisfy her. His guards and the locals of Zhao use him as a scapegoat for the people they've lost ? He apologizes and endures hatred and excruciating pain because that's what is expected from him. That he passively endures

You know where I'm going with this : Little Qin is basically Hades' foil. Both represses their feelings to conform themselves to duty and exterior expectations, which make them utterly miserable (which isn't that apparent for Hades yet but I'm coming to this).

However, Qin grew up from this through his meeting with Chun Yan, which made him realize something that will forge him into a king

A lesson Alvitr will also remind him at the end of his fight by asking him to say clearly what he wants when he started to doubt of himself. Something to which Qin just answered : "I want to win... No matter what !"

One wants to win because he has made a promise from his own will, the other has to win since his vow define him.

Because Hades never learnt that lesson and always suffered from it. I've seen a lot of people praising him for how cool and badass of a big brother he is in his backstory, for wiping out a whole army of titans to protect his siblings but imo this is just sad. Instead of talking to his family about this threat and trying to find a solution together, he immediately assumes that he has to deal with them alone, even tho he knows that they are too much and he might actually die.

And when Poseidon asks him if everything's okay, he isn't even able to ask for help or just look at his brother when he's lying to him

But miraculously this time he managed to win this battle, thanks to his trump card : Ichor Eos. An ability that highlights how self-destructive Hades is when it comes to protect his duty and family. To activate this trump card, he has to hurt himself and bleed. Fulfilling his duty literally requires from him to sacrifice himself.

And despite this, Hades still insists that everything is fine afterwards. No matter how heavy his burden is, he will never be defeated because that's what the world expects from him

Except he did. Sadly this time, his burden was too heavy and he got destroyed in the process. Hades died and not even in a satisfying way. Just compare with the others fighters' death :

Lu Bu died feeling joy for the first time in his life, happy to finally fighting an equal

Adam lost with a peaceful smile on his face, knowing that he did his best to protect his children

Poseidon was bitter in his last moments but held on to his pride until the end

Heracles remained faithful to what he is and inspired Jack to become a better person

Raiden had the best sumo fight of his life and vanished with the woman he loved

Zerofuku finally got to be happy too

Nikola gave the most wholesome speech ever known to Mankind after making science evolved once again

And Leonidas was proud, having proven that Sparta will always be the strongest

But Hades ? Nothing of that

In his last moments, he was convinced of having let his family down and being a failure as a result, apologizing to them for this just before disappearing forever under their eyes.

And the most painful part of this is that Hades was the only one to see himself as such. The members of his family may have admired him for his strength and his willingness to make any sacrifice for the honor of gods but they still loved him first and foremost as a person. Adamas was ready to throw away his own pride as a god (the thing Hades literally died for) by killing a crippled half-dead Qin for winning in a fair fight. Hermes composed a requiem in his memory and Zeus was both heartbroken and sorry to hear his last words. He knew his brother had nothing to apologize for but realized that the latter didn't.

At the end of the day, Hades didn't lost this battle of kings just because Qin was stronger. He lost because Qin was the better king and learn to find worth in himself rather than in what people expected from him, while Hades let his responsibilities consume him throughout his whole life.

[disgruntledexplainer]

Deltora, a subversion of fantasy tropes (or perhaps more accurately going back to it's roots)

@yellow-eyed-green-crocodile OK, here we go.

Deltora Quest is a children's book series. It consists of 16 books, though it exists in an expanded universe which contains another 12 books, not counting Tales of Deltora, Secrets of Deltora, and Monsters of Deltora (as well as the little-known extra book The Land of Dragons, which contains about half of what's in Tales of Deltora plus 3 additional stories which you can't find anywhere else).

The books were written during that time when Scholastic was doing it's darnedest to get kids to actually pick up a book and read. You know, the era of Animorphs, Secrets of Droon, and other books like that. Pre-harry-potter stuff. But deltora always stuck out as somewhat... odd.

For one thing, the setting. Deltora is a land absolutely INFESTED with horrifying monsters. we're talking lovecraft-level stuff. indeed, these things are so powerful that going toe-to-toe with them in conventional combat is laughably absurd. I mean, just look at this thing:

each of those little globes is a stomach the size of a PERSON. a sword ain't doin SHIT against that thing. and it wasn't even the primary monster from the book it came from. do you know what was? THE SAND IT'S STANDING ON. YES, THAT ENTIRE DESERT IS A SINGLE MONSTER.

there are also dark sorcerers, capable of, for example, turning an entire town into a fetid swamp in a split second, and deflecting any weapon directed at them. the main villain is a sorcerer of such incredible power that he makes zeus and odin look like chumps.

in order to defeat these creatures, the main characters are consistently forced to use their wits instead of their weapons.

but this isn't what I am writing this post about. every fantasy book has monsters of some kind. probably. no, what REALLY stands out about the Deltora Quest series is the BELT.

this is the Belt of Deltora, a composite magic item formed from 7 gems, each linked to the power of the land, bound together by a belt made by a simple blacksmith who united the seven tribes of deltora and became it's first king. it is considered the single most powerful mystical object on the continent, and uniting it is Deltora's only hope for survival.

except from a generic fantasy perspective, it kinda sucks.

in most generic fantasy settings, the characters are attempting to accumulate magical power which they can use to engage their enemies directly in combat; alternatively, they may be trying to build a big enough army or something similar. but the gems don't work like that. lets take a look at what the gems can actually do, shall we?

the Diamond: Gem of Strength or Fortitude, can give physical strength, fortitude, and courage to the wielder, as well as the ability to cure diseases in the person who touches it. it punishes those who attempt to take it in a dishonorable manner with misfortune. It can allow the wearer to telepathically communicate with and heal Diamond Dragons, and a nearby dragon of it's type boosts it's power, and vice versa. it also has this weird synergy with the topaz where the topaz can summon the strength of everyone who believes in the wearer (in a metaphorical sense) and the diamond transforms that belief into physical strength.

the Emerald: Gem of Honor, dulls in the presense of evil or at the location of a broken vow, is a remedy for sores and ulcers, and is an antidote to poison for whomever touches it. It can allow the wearer to telepathically communicate with and heal Emerald Dragons, and a nearby dragon of that type boosts it's power, and vice versa. Note that out of all the dragons, emerald dragons are arguably the biggest and most powerful. It might have other powers as well, as it's potential isn't as well explored as the other gems.

Lapis Lazuli: Gem of Luck or Providence, protects the wearer from evil and brings good fortune. also may have some subtle effect on the weather, though that hasn't been confirmed. it is arguably the most powerful of the gems for the protection it provides, but the nature of it's power is ill defined, and certainly outside of the wearer's ability to control. It also allows you to detect the location of the Opal as if it were a compass, and is more powerful when in close proximity to it. It can allow the wearer to telepathically communicate and heal Lapis Lazuli dragons, and a nearby dragon of that type boosts it's power, and vice versa. If the opal has it's power boosted by a nearby opal dragon, the Lapis Lazuli's power is also boosted if they are close to each other.

Topaz: Gem of Faith, can allow the wearer to make contact with the spirit world during a full moon. the character can see ghosts, and sometimes the spirits of the hallowed dead (those who are in heaven) will appear to the character and given advice, those this is extremely rare. It also clears and strengthens the mind and protects the wearer from the terrors of the night (also ill-defined). It's powers are all strengthened during the full moon. It can allow the wearer to telepathically communicate with and heal topaz dragons, and a nearby dragon of that type boosts it's power, and vice versa.

Opal: Gem of Hope, has the power to give glimpses of the future and can enhance the wearer's vision, and it can also fill the wearer with hope for the future (which helps counteract the panic that the visions of the future often produce). It can detect the Lapis Lazuli like a compass, and is more powerful when in close proximity to it. It allows the wearer to telepathically communicate with and heal opal dragons, and a nearby dragon of that type boosts it's power, and vice versa. If the Lapis Lazuli has it's power boosted by a nearby lapis lazuli dragon, the opal's power is also boosted if they are close to each-other.

The Ruby: Gem of Happiness or Love, it grows pale in the presense of evil, or when misfortune threatens it's wearer. Can be used in conjunction with the emerald to fully distinguish between danger, evil, and vow-breakers, since their powers overlap a little. It wards off evil spirits (also ill-defined) and is an antidote to snake venom, and also apparently repels snakes and venomous creatures in general. It allows the wearer to telepathically communicate with and heal ruby dragons, and a nearby dragon of that type boosts it's power, and vice versa.

The Amethyst: Gem of Truth or Wisdom, changes color in the presence of illness, pales near poisoned food or drink, and guides the wearer toward sincerity, security and peace of mind (AKA calming the wearer when touched). It also boosts the power of Toran Magic. By A LOT. It allows the wearer to telepathically communicate with and heal Amethyst dragons, and a nearby dragon of that type boosts it's power, and vice versa.

True, this is a lot of variety in powers, but with the exception of the Diamond most of this is pretty useless in combat. Especially given that the sorcerers in this world can do things like call lightning down from the sky, or create and control thousands of soldiers made out of goo. And compared to the combat capabilities of end-game weapons of other setting? it's chump change. it should be noted that the gems DO NOT allow the wielder to control dragons, only telepathically communicate with them, meaning that the King of Deltora must still negotiate to get any help, and the Dragons are rarely cooperative, even in the face of their own extinction. The gems don't give you the ability to control the elements, warp space and time, kill with a thought, fly, or turn into a glowing giant (whatever the anime adaptation might say to the contrary).

No, what the gems allow the user to do is: keep a level and clear head, detect potentially dangerous situations, and heal people of ailments.

but here's the thing; given what I said about the monsters in deltora, any of the spectacular kinds of magic would be pretty much useless. The Shadow Lord is beyond anything any mortal is capable of fighting; he has integrated his twisted will with the spirit of half a continent, and has experimenting with new and more twisted kinds of magic for thousands of years. Frankly, even by the standards of most "dark lords" like Sauron, Melkor, and Galbatorix, he is unimaginably powerful. a direct confrontation with him is laughable.

so then, why is the Belt considered one of the most powerful objects on the planet?

Well, because what it grants isn't power.

it grants FREEDOM.

freedom is defined as "the power, rooted in reason and will, to act or not to act, to do this or that, and so perform deliberate actions on one's own responsibility. By free will one shapes one's own life. Human freedom is a force for growth and maturity in truth and goodness[...]" -Catechism of the Catholic Church section 1731

in other words, Freedom, properly defined, is not the ability to do what one wants; that is power, not freedom. Freedom is the ability to do what one NEEDS to do. Freedom to protest. Freedom to preach. Freedom to worship. Freedom to defend oneself both physically and legally. These are freedoms.

Now lets look again at what the belt enables one to do. It allows one to clear and calm one's mind and strengthens one's will, heals, protects from certain kinds of danger, and allows one to heal others. These are not powers, they are FREEDOMS.

oh yeah, and I forgot one more of these freedoms:

WHEN ALL THE GEMS ARE PUT IN THE BELT TOGETHER, THEY PRODUCE A MAGICAL SCREEN WHICH BANISHES DARK MAGIC AND THOSE WHOSE SOULS ARE TAINTED BY IT.

it is not combat power, but it is a power FAR GREATER THAN ANY COMBAT POWER COULD EVER FEASIBLY BE

In a sense, this subverts normal fantasy tropes by going back to its roots. When JRR Tolkien wrote the Lord of the Rings, he wrote a book about simple working class and middle class people defeating an evil by DESTROYING POWER (with a One Ring being a kind of stand-in for power itself in all it's forms). yet, it seems that every writer since has taken a look at his work and gone "look at all this cool world-building and monsters and magic! but the protagonists and themes are kinda lame. I KNOW, i'll REPLACE those complex and nuanced themes with EDGY GRIZZLED WARRIORS AND POWER-HUNGRY SORCERERS, and make the story all about CONSOLIDATING AS MUCH POWER AS POSSIBLE TO DEFEAT SOMEONE WHO HAS ALSO CONSOLODATED AS MUCH POWER AS POSSIBLE, BUT IN AN EVIL WAY. sometimes they even have their characters performing actions which are completely morally bankrupt (razing cities, killing civilians or surrendering enemies, etc), and justify it because "main villain is worse". because in other words, most fantasy writers decided to completely rip off all of tolkien's world, down to the very creatures that inhabit it, but HORRIBLY INVERT the themes

Meanwhile, Deltora seems to do the opposite. It doesn't copy Tolkien's world. there are similarities; the Shadow Lord is kinda like Sauron if you squint a little. but the world is populated with plenty of creatures that don't line up at all, and even those that are similar are only superficially so. meanwhile, Emily Rodda (the author) took a look at Tolkien's themes, smiled and nodded, and proceeded to ELABORATE UPON THEM. The kingdom of deltora fell because the rulers detached themselves from the needs of the common man and physically separated themselves from them out of cowardice. the shadow lord twists and destroys nature to produce his horrific experiments which mirror in many ways modern genetic engineering. the battle is won not through force of arms, but through planning, cleverness, and uniting the tribes under a common cause.

there are other things, like how each gem corresponds to one of the seven virtues, or how so much emphais is put on using logic to solve problems, and similar things, but this post is long as it is, so i'm going to stop here.

[hargrove-mayfields]

@harringroveweek continues!

My prompt today is another combination! So here’s Roller Skating and Hell’s Bells by AC/DC

After the little brat opened up a new skateboard on her eleventh birthday, a gift from a clueless step-father that knew absolutely nothing about her and picked up the first thing he saw for under three bucks at a yard sale, someone had to show Max how to hold her own on wheels. Susan disapproved of her new hobby, and none of her friends were into it, so that left Billy to teach her. Turn it into a sibling bonding sort of thing.

A long time before he met her he’d had a skating phase like every scrawny preteen loser in California did. Only, he wasn’t brave enough for the board. He had these awful green roller skates that were two sizes too big, the wheels scratched to hell and back from a previous owner.

His mom bought him those skates, and he was damn proud to wear them until the day Neil bashed one into the back of his head for not bringing them inside off the sidewalk. A few stitches later and he was more than over it. It wasn’t cool anymore.

So he’d pretty much had to re-teach himself while also helping Max, which was obnoxious, but the memory of how to skate was beyond burned into his head now, if not just because he’d been so stressed about the delicate balance between getting sibling bonding points with Max and getting in trouble for letting her get hurt.

It was fun though for a while, teaching her all about how to balance and how to fall on her ass so it hurt less.

Eventually she got bored of him fussing over her, which was fair, because she was getting older and he was getting less patient, so they stopped doing it together. He pretty much dropped skating completely and let her do her own thing while he watched, just so Neil couldn’t say he’d been irresponsible and left her on her own.

In part, because every time he tried to skate without the excuse of teaching Max, Neil accused him of some not so pleasant things, mostly relating to being not masculine enough. Any lingering interest after the first injury was swallowed by an open wound, and he gave up completely on something that made him happy. He couldn’t do anything right.

It’s only once Neil is out of the picture entirely, no longer lingering just to make him insecure about everything he’s ever had an interest in, that Billy wants to get back into it. Physically, he’s not as strong as he used to be, for a multitude of reasons, mostly being hospitalized after being skewered by a giant monster, but the acute alcoholism didn’t help either.

He’s on the right track now, thanks to his support system which consists of literally only two people, and to really make the most of his recovery, his therapist suggested a hobby. He’s not quite well enough yet for anything he used to do, weightlifting, basketball, drinking his life away. That’s not really his idea of living anymore anyways.

The idea to get back into roller skating specifically though comes from a VHS copy of Rollerball that Buckley passed onto Steve, the second variable to his sanity, from work.

She’d been assigning him random movies to watch, and since neither of them get out much anymore, he brings them back to Billy and they either make it through only to mock the entire thing or find other things to entertain themselves with the films on in the background.

About halfway through, bored out of his mind, Steve had remarked backhandedly something like, “Honestly, What was Robin thinking with this one? I’ve never even been roller skating.”

Billy didn’t have time to explain the metaphor in Rollerball, because he had pointed out, maybe bragging a little, “I do.”

That was all the more Steve needed to hear to be dead-set on taking him out to try and reignite that old passion for the sport. It felt nice to have somebody be so genuinely interested in what he cares about, he almost forgot it’s been a good five years since he’s even owned a pair of skates, let alone gone and done it, and agreed to go with Steve.

Steve who has never even seen a roller rink in his life. That was when Billy realized he was back to the start with teaching someone else, forging relationships this way. It’s a funny feeling, one that makes him feel all fluttery to know that Steve trusts him that way for real, not just out of necessity. He just hopes Steve is a better listener than Max.

To make things easier, they find a rink that isn’t completely infested with tweens. It’s about an hours drive out of Hawkins, but a place where the vibe is more like stoners and queers trying to find a way to spend weekends away from the surrounding oppressive communities than a bunch of kids and their drama, is totally worth it. The kind with a full bar and seedy bathrooms and flickering neon signs.

Just the thing he’s been missing.

Just stepping into the place reminds Billy of home, then crossing the barrier between the hidden floor and the rink itself, wearing a pair of rental skates that are so foreign but so familiar, he almost feels alive. A spark of something that’s been missing since everything went wrong.

The way Steve, struggling to stay in control of his gangly on wheels, laughs at his own inability and clings to Billy’s jacket. The way the strobing lights feel warm on his face and make his hair go a little frizzy. The vibrations of wheels on concrete floors and a bass heavy stereo system under his feet.

He gets what his therapist was talking about now. Billy feels, for a moment, skating in circles with Steve Harrington and getting to see his warm smile, like he has everything.

Of course, that illusion wouldn’t last long.

Somebody put in a request with the disc-jockey for something heavier than the Cinderella and Poison they’ve been playing. The song changes, and the harsh, echoing sound that comes from the speakers loud enough to shake his soul makes Billy’s blood run cold.

Chiming. Ticking. Hell’s bells.

A guitar solo starts that tells him it isn’t what he thinks it is- just a song, not an omen of death this time- but it doesn’t soothe the rising fear in his chest.

He leans forward on the bumpers, stopping dead on his path, several people blurring past him, some bumping into him, only making things worse. Steve isn’t smiling anymore.

“Billy? You good?”

But Billy can’t respond. That sound, those bells just keep echoing in his head over and over. Louder and louder. At some point, he has to acknowledge that this isn’t the radio anymore.

He panics.

On instinct, he tries to run, but he’s wearing skates. He trips over himself and falls. And he keeps falling. And falling. The music fades to buzzing silence. The rhythmic scratch of turning wheels halted. Replaced by empty cracks of distant storms. Billy is somewhere else now.

Somewhere all alone in a world without color, devoid of life. Another bell chimes in his head, a heavy dread settling over him as it does.

“..Stevie?”

He gets nothing in response but another click, a chime, louder and perfectly clear this time, sharp and haunting as it cuts through the increasingly painful silence. He keeps trying to call out for Steve. To make a connection to somebody in the real world that could stop him from spiraling.

But he knows what’s actually coming next.

And shortly after, the echoing sound of a disgustingly familiar voice in his head.

Even though he’d watched the bastard burn up into pieces, banished back to where he came from, his curse supposed to be lifted for good a whole year ago, it’s Vecna. “You didn’t really think that you had escaped me forever, did you?”

Frantically, Billy looks around, but he can’t find the source. He’s knows what to look for, he just can’t physically see him. He doesn’t see anything but hazy blue, a world created from death, “The fuck is going on?”

The voice just keeps speaking from it’s removed position, “That attempt at keeping me away was admittedly.. unexpected. But easy enough to come back from. I never lost my bond with you, I was only waiting for the right moment.”

Every emotion boils in Billy’s blood at once. Fear for the power he’s up against. Anger for having to do this shit all over again. Sadness for the outcome he’s come to expect. He channels it all into defiance, motivation to not just take this threat at face value, “That ain’t what it is. You’re in my head. And I left you behind.”

“Like I said. I was biding my time. Time which you certainly used to make up for all that you had lost. Truly creating a perfect reality for yourself.” Vecna pauses a moment, in the silence demanding that Billy reflect on his past. He tries not to, his own mind and memories easily a trap right now. He bites his tongue and refuses. So the monster continues, “How much of it, do you think, was actually real?”

That question has been sitting heavy in his soul since day one of his freedom, but he knows better than to believe it now. At least, he’s convinced himself of his surety by now. He spits, “You’re just fucking with me.”

“I could be. But I think we know that in the real world, wherein my power doesn’t have influence, there is no way that they would ever have forgiven you.”

Billy doesn’t falter, but only because of who he’s up against, and what will happen if he does, “They know what you are, and they know I haven’t done shit.”

“Oh. I seem to remember a few incidents, long before I was ever involved in your little story. Perhaps you wouldn’t have been such an easy subject to isolate, if your friends were truly so forgiving.”

Billy puffs out his chest, talking big even though he hasn’t quite gathered the strength to stand back up, “Yeah? Let's put it to the test. Let me go back to them right now.”

A cold laugh, the hair on the back of Billy’s neck stands up. He can feel Vecna now, somewhere close, “I can’t do that, Billy. You’re still my strongest soldier. I need you here.”

“Still haven’t told me for what though. Bullying some fourteen year old kid? Eating rats in a rusty old warehouse? Ooh, maybe today we’ll just sit around and wait for something to fucking happen again.” Billy lips his lips, talking fast, riding high on a wave of panic induced adrenaline that gives him the courage to argue so intensely, “I’m starting to think you don’t even have a real purpose other than being really fucking annoying in my life.”

Out of further monologuing, or apparently tired of Billy not just dissolving to tears like he used to, Vecna reduces to threats, “You seem to forget, it was me who tore you apart last time.”

As if he could forget. Scars litter his body, along with phantom pains and wounds that haven’t healed, will never heal. Just to have the energy to go out with Steve today he had to take a cocktail of drugs. He uses that as his strong point. His fight is always ongoing, why should he lay down and take it from Vecna now?

“But I also know who put me back together, and I know that was real, or else we wouldn’t be sitting here now.” Finally, Billy rises to his feet against the threat, staring in the general direction of Vecna's voice, the occasional blurry image of his likeness moving in his peripheral vision not enough to face.

He continues boldly, “See, you made a mistake, letting me go back. ‘Cause now I know you’re just an illusion. Pictures in my head that can’t do shit to me without your nasty meat monsters. You’re probably hanging from a ceiling halfway across town, nowhere near being able to hurt me. So I ain’t afraid of you anymore.”

“You should be.” Is the warning he gets in response. The shady figure of Vecna turns away, his voice just as loud though, only selling further that this is truly just in his head. They aren’t fully connected anymore, not through the upside down at least. But Vecna promises of something worse to come regardless, “Use your time wisely. You think you know better, but you don’t. Not as long as I am in your head. I’ll be back to finish what I started.”

A final chime, long lasting and distorted. His ears are ringing so bad. But the feeling starts to come back to his whole body, from the inside of his head out.

He opens his eyes and he sees flashes of blinding light. Feels the sensation of quick movements past him. Hears Steve’s voice,

“Billy!” He blinks away the painful brightness. The world reconstructing itself around him. He’s back on the floor of the roller rink. Back to reality. The world is clear again and Steve’s panicked face, flushed with fear and maybe a few tears, is back to ground him.

Steve doesn’t let go of him, a strong grip on both arms that Billy gradually becomes aware of. Before he’d been doing it to ground him, shake him back to reality. Now he just doesn’t want to let him go again, “Did what I think just happened, happen?”

Billy can’t bring himself to speak yet, so he nods a confirmation, registering the feeling of drying tears on his own face. It feels stupid to cry now. But even though he stood up to the projection of that bastard, he’s not ready for the real thing. He’s scared as all hell.

How much of what he said was real?

“But… I thought- What do we do?” Steve’s voice shakes with emotion. His eyes are sad and scared. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Billy clears his throat, trying to sound more determined than he feels, “Only thing we know how to.”

“We fight?” Steve concludes, hesitant, and Billy nods an equally as unenthused confirmation. He adds, “That and I need my tapes first. Gotta make sure Kate Bush is still spinnin’ too.”

“Actually, first we have to get you out of here. You’re going to get run over just on the floor like this.” Steve stands up first, leaning forward on the rubber stoppers of his skates like Billy taught him. Billy hardly notices the details. He might be proud if he could even process the world around him.

With Billy still in a haze and not much help, Steve somehow gets him standing and out to the car, carrying both pairs of their shoes. Billy only remembers to tune back in once he’s safely in the half-reclined passenger seat. It feels restraining to be in the car, but he doesn’t dare complain about being in his world instead of the other one.

Steve is the first to start speaking again, the sound of his voice both soothing and jarring to Billy in his current state of mind, “What happened back there. What triggered it?”

It feels obvious. He gathers his energy to respond, “Think it was the song. Bells, Steve. Chiming?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t get it..”

That’s a revelation on its own.

“Keep forgetting that that thing never had you.” Billy stares up at the interior, willing the courage to genuinely talk about this, something he almost never does, “When I was.. on the other side, I could tell something bad was coming when I heard bells. It was like all my other senses would fade out for a second and it was just this overwhelming ringing in my ears. It was weird and hypnotic. That was how he got me.”

“So like.. literally, hell's bells. And the song...” Steve reiterates for him, a stepping stone for Billy to make light of the irony, “Yeah. Don’t really want to hear Brian Johnson screaming about the shit that tormented me for a year.”

Hearing him talk like that, even though it’s a sign that he’s coming to, it’s obvious Steve doesn’t know how to respond. He offers a simple, “I’m sorry.”

Billy doesn’t like sympathy though. He tries to make it sound like it’s not a bog deal, “Stop. It’s just one stupid song.”

“That’s not all that’s changed though. I’m sorry that you can’t listen to whatever music you like anymore and you can’t go out as many places and you can’t live on your own.. This was supposed to make you feel better.”

His apology for the inevitable death sentence looming over Billy even now doesn’t need to be mentioned aloud.

He sounds so sad about it, Billy has to remind him, even if he’s trying to be reserved right now he cares about Steve too much to let him be this guilty about something he didn’t even do, ”And is that all somehow your fault? No, it isn’t.”

“But in a way, it is. I could’ve done more to protect you and none of this would ever have happened.” Steve always takes responsibility for everything. That’s what helps him get through it, Billy thinks, is feeling like he’s important, until it backfires and he feels awful about literally everything. Billy wants to fix that.

Not used to being the one who gives advice, but definitely not wanting Steve to take the blame, Billy tries, “AC/DC isn’t even that good. Quit beating yourself up about it.”

“Why do you always try to underplay everything?” It doesn’t work to get him to realize it’s not his fault, but at least he’s not self-deprecating anymore. The next step would be for them to stop dancing around the actual issue of what just happened. But that’s harder.

Billy counters, just to make light of how pointless this arguing is, “Says the one of us that blows everything out of proportion.”

“What, is it a crime to worry about my boyfriend now?”

“If it was, you'd be facing a life sentence by now.” Billy’s back-handedness seems to be what gets through to Steve, because the tension in his shoulders falls away. If Billy wasn’t being harsh that would be more a sign that something is wrong.

Steve doesn’t say anything though, so Billy explains more genuinely, “I’m just saying you can’t be so jumpy about every little thing that happens with me.”

“You could have died.” His tone is blunt, pained by Billy’s attempt at reducing things, “Vecna had you, Billy. I-I’ve seen what happens. You could have died.”

“What’s it matter anyways? We clearly can’t beat it. I doubt the music ever really worked anyways. Everything that fucker does is calculated towards one super fucked up goal that somehow involves me even though I don’t even know what it is.” And there comes the truth.

With a face like stone, Steve demands, “What did he say to you?”

“What?”

“Clearly he said something when you were there that’s bothering you now. I can tell.”

“Nah. We just sat in total silence. Even shared a drink. Really nice guy once you get to know him.”

Steve sighs, exasperated with him. It stings, feels like rejection, but it’s for the best right now, to push him away, “I don’t think it’s really the best idea right now to act like nothing's wrong. I just want to help before something bad happens.”

His ears haven’t stopped ringing. Sitting here and talking to Steve like nothing is wrong but his sense of humor makes him more and more angry. Billy bursts out with, “Why waste my breath? This isn’t real anyways, so you can stop fucking with me and just kill me already.”

And that’s really what he believes. The thought had been with him since the moment they told him they’d defeated the most overpowered space wizard thing on the planet. It’s all been fake, an illusion to keep him appeased and stop him from trying to break free again. Of course it has.

“That’s not- Billy, that’s not true.” Steve denies it, that stern look he used to get answers instantly falling away into a look that is baffled and upset. Billy looks away from it, not wanting to be swayed, more tears forming in his tired eyes.

“The past year. Tell me everything’s been real. Waking up in the real world, the treatments, moving out of the trailer so Sue didn’t have to deal with me, falling in love with you and actually having the balls to say something about it because I’d already died once. Tell me all of that meant anything to the real Steve Harrington.”

Desperate to convince him, Steve takes up both of his hands, stealing his attention back, “It does! That part was real, Billy. I am telling you, we defeated this asshole last time, and I don’t know how he got his powers back but that’s all it is. Everything that’s happened since March of 1986 has been so, so very real.”

The two sides of his mind are at war among themselves. He wants to panic again and believe his instincts, the fight or lay down and die that had been beaten into him his whole childhood really convincing right now. But there will always be a part of him that trusts and adores Steve, more than anything. He wants so badly to believe him, and he tries to, “Promise?”

“I do.” Steve assures, leaning over the seat and pressing a gentle kiss to Billy’s tear-tracked cheek. While he’s invading his spaces he also reaches and pops open the glovebox. His Walkman is in there, the headphones still plugged in and tangled to hell and back from before. It’s been waiting for its time. They never wanted to need it again.

Steve takes it out and fumbles with it, careful to place it in Billy’s hands, “We’ll talk more later. For now, put these on. I don’t like you being vulnerable..”

Without taking the time to undo the knots in the wire, a hesitation which could literally be life and death right now, and which would just add unnecessary frustration on top of everything else on Billy’s plate right now, he puts the headphones on. Clicks in the button on the player and immediately physically recoils at the music that comes through.

It’s not that loud, he can still hear Steve ask, “What? Got a problem with Leo Sayer?”

“I can bear it. It beats Hell’s Bells anyway.” Literally.

But Steve doesn’t laugh at his attempt at being funny, because really it isn’t funny. Now isn’t the time.

“Well when you get to choose, which one should it be? I mean, what music worked before?” Steve probably knows the answer to that already. Billy thinks he’s just trying to ask questions that keep him grounded, without asking dumb shit like his name and who the president is.

So he tries to make a joke, “Definitely not AC-fucking-DC, that’s for sure.. Used to really like that song actually..”

Picking up on the fact that he was trying to be light hearted, Steve matches his tone, “How about the Madonna tape Max used to keep in your stereo?”

“I’d rather just let this thing have me.” Billy’s kind of humor doesn’t ever make Steve laugh, but especially not now.

His face falls, “Billy.. don’t say that.”

Billy just makes himself smaller in the passenger seat, knees drawn clear up to his chest, his face buried in them. He’s done trying to make small talk.

He’s too afraid to look out the windows, afraid of what he might see, what cracks in the illusion he might notice that will send his mental state spiraling again. He hides his face and focuses on the terrible, upbeat music in his headphones.

Silently, Steve starts the long drive home, and Billy braces himself. For the car ride and for the future.

He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to fight this time. He’s so goddamn tired.

The worst part is not knowing whether or not he’ll have to fight. How many more chimes of hell’s bells does he have left until he meets the same fate as all those kids last year?

Probably not very many. The odds of figuring out enough of what’s going on and how to defeat the bastard again before Vecna crushes Billy like a beer can aren’t very high.

He discreetly looks over at Steve, the love of his life, his saving grace and best friend. Seeing him so upset over this, shaking so bad he can barely maneuver the car long enough to get them back home, that’s torture enough on his soul. If something bad were to happen to him he’d never forgive himself for dragging him down into this hell with him as his caregiver, his lover.

The tape skips, and Billy’s heart rate with it. He never thought he’d be that invested in fucking disco music.

That’s another thing about Steve. In the last year, and even well before that, he’s always teaching Billy new things about himself, showing him things he would never have even considered before. Even if in the literal sense, he was supposed to be teaching Steve something today, it’s him who has changed Billy.

He’ll miss that. But where he’s going, he doesn’t want Steve to follow.

The music only buys him more time, only a matter of time before hell comes-a-calling again, and he won’t be able to resist its rhythmic lull. Not forever.

The biggest irony in this situation is that, maybe the song is right: There is no way to fight, and Satan is coming to him. But the irritatingly upbeat love songs pouring through his headphones remind him of something else entirely.

The balance. Maybe that’s the secret to it.

Maybe they can’t beat Vecna by holding hands and dancing the disco, but they won’t do anything helpful by just tearing the world apart either, since clearly it hadn’t worked before to just try to destroy him. Sort of a positive outlook with an edge of darkness. He almost scoffs at himself, but more developed, this could be the key to standing a chance, something they’ve at least never tried before.

Billy glances over at Steve again, this new revelation in his mind making things seem a lot more optimistic. At least they can do what they know. They can try everything they did before again and maybe use Billy’s new theory a bit.

At least they can stick together.

Billy takes up Steve’s hand, the one that isn’t on the steering wheel because he’d been nervously tapping his fingers against the console, and he doesn’t let go.

[aroaceleovaldez]

reminder that the only reason the "ADHD is actually demigod BATTLE STRATEGIES" and "dyslexia is DEMIGOD BRAINS HARDWIRED FOR ANCIENT GREEK" things exist in the PJO universe is because it's a very direct reference to early 2000s teaching/parenting techniques for neurodiverse and disabled children, which aimed to frame childrens' disabilities and hardships as a "superpower" or strength so that the children would feel more positively about their disabilities or situations. This technique has fallen out of favor since then for the most part since more often than not it just results in kids feeling as though their struggles are not being seen or taken seriously.

Yes, demigods are adhd/dyslexic (and sometimes autistic-coded) in the series. This is extremely important and trying to remove it or not acknowledge it makes the entire series fall apart because it is such a core concept. Yes, canon claims that their adhd/dyslexia is tied to some innate abilities, which is based on an outdated methodology. It's important to acknowledge that and understand where it comes from! But please stop trying to apply it to other pantheons in the series like "oh, the romans have dyscalculia because of roman numerals!" or "the norse demigods have dysgraphia for reasons!" - it's distasteful at best.

A better option is to acknowledge the meta inspiration for why that exists in the series, such as explaining potentially that Chiron was utilizing that same teaching methodology to try and help demigods feel more comfortable with their disabilities and they aren't literal powers. In fact, especially given Frank, there's implication that being adhd/dyslexic isn't a guaranteed demigod trait, which means it's more likely to be normally inherited from their godly parent/divine ancestor as a general trait, not a power, and further supports the whole "ADHD is battle strategy" thing being non-literal. It also implies the entire greco-roman pantheon in their universe is canonically adhd/dyslexic - and that actually fits very well with the themes of the first series. The entire central conflict of the first series fits perfectly as an allegory about neurodiverse/disabled children and their relationships with their undiagnosed neurodiverse/disabled parents and trying to find solutions together with their shared disability/disabilities that the kid inherited instead of becoming distant from each other (and this makes claiming equivalent to getting a diagnosis which is a fascinating allegory! not to mention the symbolism of demigods inheriting legacies and legends and powers from their parents and everything that comes with that being equivalent to inheriting traits, neurodiversity, and disabilities from your parents).

anyways neurodiversity and disability and the contexts in which the series utilizes representation of those experiences particularly during the 2000s symbolically within the narrative is incredibly important to the first series and the understanding of what themes it means to represent. also if i see one more "the romans have dyscalculia instead of dyslexia" post in 2023 i'm gonna walk into the ocean.

[deoidesign]

I have a question, but it may be already have been answered in the story (my brain is just not the best with memory).

Since vampirism symbolises for you chronical illness (which, omg, that is a hot take I've never thought off before and love from now on), does Steve count as chronical ill, too, with the whole halfvampire thing going on? So, would his uncontrollable time jumping each month be a symptom of that chronical illness?

not in the story, no worries! Just a possible interpretation and my personal intent when writing.

As a small aside I personally don't like to think of chronic illness as something that people "count" as, so to speak, it's an extremely personal label and incredibly varied between individuals and as with all disability there is never such thing as hard lines or black and white... but I understand why you worded it that way and I understand what you're asking.

So, yes, Steve is also chronically ill within this framework. The entire comic is sort of shaped around this, to be honest! I mean he canonically has some pretty extreme memory issues... He's also canonically homeless (not that this is an illness but I just mean it's something I think most people forget about him when discussing him). And, yes, his condition is uncontrollable and is severely impacting his ability to live the life he wants to live.

He has just been barely coping up to the point we meet him, and has been very desperate which is what led him to creating that list of deviations. He has periods where his body is out of his control, he is unable to form relationships, he hurts others without meaning or wanting to... Yeah. He's metaphorically relating to a lot of things, really.

So, yknow, you're welcome to interpret him as you'd like! for me I relate a lot with my various issues and conditions and thus that's why I've projected on him the way I have, but of course I would understand entirely different interpretations of what is inherently metaphorical.

[longagoitwastuesday]

So so indebted to u for posting those lovely illustrations from Cyrano <333 & even more so for yr tags!! I'm completely in love w yr analysis, please feel free to ramble as long as u wish! Browsing through yr Cyrano de Bergerac tag has given me glimpses of so many adaptations & translations I'd never heard of before! I'll be watching the Solès version next, which I have only discovered today through u ^_^ As for translations, have u read many/all of them? I've only encountered the Renauld & Burgess translations in the wild, & I was curious to hear yr translation thoughts that they might guide my decision on which one I buy first (not necessarily Renauld or Burgess ofc). Have a splendid day & sorry for the likespam! 💙

Sorry for the delay. Don't mind the likespam, I'm glad you enjoyed my tags about Cyrano, and that they could contribute a bit to a further appreciation of the play. I loved it a lot, I got obsessed with it for months. It's always nice to know other people deeply love too that which is loved haha I hope you enjoy the Solès version, it may well be my favourite one!

About translations, I'm touched you're asking me, but I don't really know whether mine is the best opinion to ask. I have read... four or five English translations iirc, the ones I could find online, and I do (and especially did, back when I was reading them) have a lot of opinions about them. However, nor English nor French are my first languages (they are third and fourth respectively, so not even close). I just read and compare translations because that's one of my favourite things to do.

The fact is that no translation is perfect, of course. I barely remember Renauld's, but I think it was quite literal; that's good for understanding the basics of the text, concepts and characters, but form is subject, and there's always something that escapes too literal translations. Thomas and Guillemard's if I recall correctly is similar to Hooker's in cadence. It had some beautiful fragments, some I preferred over Hooker's, but overall I think to recall I liked Hooker's more. If memory serves, Hooker's was the most traditionally poetic and beautiful in my opinion. Burgess' is a whole different thing, with its perks and drawbacks.

Something noticeable in the other translations is that they are too... "epic". They do well the poetic, sorrowful, grief stricken, crushed by regrets aspects of Cyrano and the play in general, but they fall quite short in the funny and even pathetic aspects, and that too is key in Cyrano, both character and play. Given the characteristics of both languages, following the cadence of the French too literally, with those long verses, makes an English version sound far too solemn at times when the French text isn't. Thus Burgess changes the very cadence of the text, adapting it more to the English language. This translation is the one that best sets the different moods in the play, and as I said before form is subject, and that too is key: after all, the poetic aspect of Cyrano is as much true as his angry facet and his goofy one. If Cyrano isn't funny he isn't Cyrano, just as he wouldn't be Cyrano without his devotion to Roxane or his insecurities; Cyrano is who he is precisely because he has all these facets, because one side covers the other, because one trait is born from another, because one facet is used as weapon to protect the others, like a game of mirrors and smoke. We see them at different points through the play, often converging. Burgess' enhances that. He plays with the language itself in form and musicality, with words and absences, with truths masking other truths, with things stated but untold, much like Cyrano does. And the stage directions, poetic and with literary value in their own right in a way that reminded me of Valle Inclán and Oscar Wilde, interact with the text at times in an almost metatextual dimension that enhances that bond Cyrano has with words, giving them a sort of liminal air and strengthening that constant in the play: that words both conceal and unveil Cyrano, that in words he hides and words give him away.

But not all is good, at all. Unlike Hooker, Burgess reads to me as not entirely understanding every facet of the characters, and as if he didn't even like the play all that much, as if he had a bit of a disdainful attitude towards it, and found it too mushy. Which I can understand, but then why do you translate it? In my opinion the Burgess' translation does well bending English to transmit the different moods the French text does, and does pretty well understanding the more solemn, cool, funny, angry, poetic aspects of Cyrano, but less so his devotion, vulnerability, insecurities and his pathetism. It doesn't seem to get Roxane at all, how similar she is to Cyrano, nor why she has so many admirers. It does a very poor job at understanding Christian and his value, and writes him off as stupid imo. While I enjoyed the language aspect of the Burgess translation, I remember being quite angry at certain points reading it because of what it did to the characters and some changes he introduces. I think he did something very questionable with Le Bret and Castel-Jaloux, and I remember being incensed because of Roxane at times (for instance, she doesn't go to Arras in his version, which is a key scene to show just how much fire Roxane has, and that establishes several parallels with Cyrano, in attitude and words, but even in act since she does a bit what Cyrano later does with the nuns in the last act), and being very angry at several choices about Christian too. While not explicitly stated, I think the McAvoy production and the musical both follow this translation, because they too introduce these changes, and they make Christian as a character, and to an extent the entire play, not make sense.

For instance, once such change is that Christian is afraid that Roxane will be cultured (McAvoy's version has that infamous "shit"/"fuck" that I detest), when in the original French it's literally the opposite. He is not afraid she will be cultured, he is afraid she won't, because he does love and appreciate and admires those aspects of her, as he appreciates and admires them in Cyrano. That's key! Just as Cyrano longs to have what Christian has, Christian wants the same! That words escape him doesn't mean he doesn't understand or appreciate them. The dynamics make no sense without this aspect, and Burgess (and the productions that directly or indirectly follow him) constantly erases this core trait of Christian.

Another key moment of Christian Burgess butchers is the scene in Arras in which Christian discovers the truth. Burgess writes their discussion masterfully in form, it's both funny and poignant, but it falls short in concept: when Cyrano tells him the whole discussion about who does Roxane love and what will happen, what they'll do, is academic because they're both going to die, Christian states that dying is his role now. This destroys entirely the thing with Christian wanting Roxane to have the right to know, and the freedom to choose, or to refuse them both. As much as Cyrano proclaims his love for truth and not mincing words even in the face of authority, Cyrano is constantly drunk on lies and mirages, masks and metaphors. It's Christian who wants it all to end, the one who wants real things, the one who wants to risk his own happiness for the chance of his friend's, as well as for the woman he loves to stop living in a lie. That is a very interesting aspect of Christian, and another aspect in which he is written as both paralleling and contrasting Cyrano. It's interesting from a moral perspective and how that works with the characters, but it's also interesting from a conceptual point of view, both in text and metatextually: what they hold most dear, what they most want, what most fulfills them, what they most fear, their different approaches to life, but also metatextually another instance of that tears/blood motif and its ramifications constant through the whole text. Erasing that climatic decision and making him just simply suicidal erases those aspects of Christian and his place in the Christian/Cyrano/Roxane dynamic, all for plain superficial angst, that perhaps hits more in the moment, but holds less meaning.

Being more literal, and more solemn, Hooker's translation (or any of the others, but Hooker's seems to love the characters and understand them) doesn't make these conceptual mistakes. Now, would I not recommend reading Burgess' translation? I can't also say that. I had a lot of fun reading it, despite the occasional anger and indignation haha Would I recommend buying it? I recommend you give an eye to it first, if you're tempted and can initially only buy one.

You can read Burgess' translation entirely in archive.com. You can also find online the complete translations of Renauld, Hooker and Thomas and Guillemard. I also found a fifth one, iirc, but I can't recall it right now (I could give a look). You could read them before choosing, or read your favourite scenes and fragments in the different translations, and choose the one in which you like them better. That's often what I do.

Edit: I've checked to make sure and Roxane does appear in Arras in the translation. It's in the introduction in which it is stated that she doesn't appear in the production for which the translation was made. The conceptualisation of Roxane I criticise and that in my opinion is constant through the text does stay, though.

[torahtot]

sth that always frustrates me is when people on here say things like "jewish ppl u can let go of connection to israel bc you can be at home in the countries you live in!" and someone responds with a whole essay on how antisemitism is alive and well.. bc that still accepts the original premise. you're saying yes, i agree, we would not feel a connection to the land if antisemitism didn't exist, but it does. this ignores the root misconception that makes someone say things like that, which is that they deny (or simply don't realize/understand) our connection to the land, which transcends the existence of antisemitism in the diaspora. walk into any orthodox school that doesn't even consider itself zionist, and you'll find the kids having conversations with their teachers about how to reconcile feeling comfortable in galut with the desire to properly mourn the beit hamikdash & yearn for mashiach so that we can return. this isn't metaphorical in the slightest; many of them will make aliyah whether mashiach comes or not (and it won't have anything to do with secular zionism or antisemitism). eradicating antisemitism in the diaspora would never change the fact that we are in galut. if they were smart they would actually shift the conversation to why we don't need an explicitly/exclusively jewish state in order to live safely & thrive in eretz yisrael, but they won't bc a) that would require accepting the validity of our connection to it and b) they consider it "validating settler fears" or wtvr the fuck. so instead they will continue to be totally inept at realpolitik solutions & fail to see eye to eye in conversation with jews bc they fundamentally misunderstand.. everything about us.

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

One of the many, many reasons I love Blade Runner is that it doesn't have this Big Epic Final Fight you've come to expect from literally any action film ever.

There's just Deckart and Roy - all others are dead, or not here - and it's just them and one was supposed to kill the other and has become the hunted.

Our main hero protagonist is at the end, he's beaten down, he's at the brink of death, he can barely still walk and is just fleeing as far as he can, as long as he can, and he won't be able to go on much longer and there's really only so far he can run before he's inevitably caught. There's no last minute saviour, no sudden burst of strength, no last attempt to fight. He's terrified. He's running, limping, for just a few seconds more.

And the antagonist - the one who was supposed to be killed, the one who was supposed to be sub-human and is living his life as a slave, in fear - he's going mad. He barely ever had anything, and he lost the few others he had - the only ones who understood when the world was against them. He has only minutes to live, minutes that not even his creator - his god, almost - could drag out, a human god who died by his bare hands. There's nothing left to lose and nothing left to do, but there's the person who hunted him down like a machine or an animal that's one rogue, the one supposed to kill him, entirely at his mercy.

And then they're on that roof, and I don't know what Roy might think, but I know Deckart was done with his life. I know he was convinced he'd die right here - that both of them would die on this roof in the rain.

And when Roy pulls him up? There has to be an explanation. Surely he'll kill him now. What else could he possibly want?

But Roy isn't out for revenge anymore. For as little as he's lived, he's seen so incredibly much. And he knows there isn't anything to be done. He'll die, he'll be forgotten, just another rogue replicant - like moments in time, like tears in rain.

"Time to die." No sadness, no anger, nothing. There's nothing more to it, not anymore. It's a fact.

It's when he's free for the first time.

He's no longer living in fear. He died on his own terms. He's as free as he could ever be, in the only way that was ever even a possibility. And as he dies, as he no longer lives as a slave, that white dove flies away through the rain - a symbol of freedom, finally let go.

And Deckart is left alone on that roof, bleeding, his hand broken, exhausted, still not quite away from the brink of death he's been limping along for the last, what, minutes? (How long was it? Can't have been long. But it sure felt endless.)

There's no winner. No one has been defeated, either. There's just one who died, as he was always meant to, and one who lived, but his world might be in shambles.

What is life worth when you're just waiting for death? Is it freedom when you can never settle down? Could there ever be a different ending?

Also I'm going absolutely insane over the white dove which is a symbol for freedom btw like DAMN!!!!!!! IMPLICATIONS!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

[will-o-wips]

It is 4 am. I'm staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, coincidentally having my phone right in my line of sight, and write this with the exasperation and intense focus that I probably won't ever have again. I'm about to attempt to make any sort of sense of the latest Hayao Miyazaki movie, The Boy and the Heron (or rather, How do you live? in Japanese), that I watched for the first time in theatres a day ago.

I cannot claim to be right, or to know everything about this movie. Actually acclaimed critics and people with obviously more braincells than me have probably better takes than I do. But I must speak, lest the insanity truly take over my brain, lest I really end up combusting because of how much I want to talk about this.

Prepare yourselves for the most incoherent train of thought and line of consciousness you will ever experience.

FILLED WITH SPOILERS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND UNLESS YOU HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE.

Before I start with my actual thoughts, however, I'll state my personal feelings about the movie, because I feel that matters too, and this is my post anyway so! But I personally left the cinema feeling somewhat mellow. I was not insane about it yet. It was,,, "meh". The impression of the ride was great; I was giggling along with the funny and even sometimes not purposefully funny moments, I enjoyed the animation to the point I would genuinely flap my hands in excitement at how good it was, I understood the story in great lines by noticing small details and going "oh so does this mean x?". But I did not cry. Not a single tear during or after or before the movie. I did not waver with my opinion on it as I rambled about it to my friends online and irl, much to their annoyance. I did not hesitate when I put it in my silly little Studio Ghibli movie tierlist maker that I update whenever I watch another one of these films together with my friends, categorized (in)discreetly under "all vibes no plot but there's a witch/wizard". I still don't, in fact.

So, given all of this, you'd probably say that I disliked the movie. That I would not have so much to say about it, after doing my mandatory ramble and update. Wrong. I still have more to say, somehow.

Despite that, I didn't rewatch the movie itself. I read an entirety of one (1) review of it, together with one (1) random video essay of 8 or so minutes, covering the basics of it. I reblogged one (1) post about its protagonist on tumblr and otherwise kinda read through the rest of the posts on here. I did not re-experience or re-examine this movie again. I cannot (again) accurately reference anything besides that what I vaguely remember from watching it a day or two ago. It's not playing anywhere near me anymore/not out anywhere else yet, so really, I don't even know what possessed me to write about this, or even say anything. The most fascinating thing (to probably all of us here) is; what made me change my mind about it?

It might've been the review on IndieWire. David Ehrlich and his well-written review, bringing things into much needed context as to why this movie was created. It could've been the fact that I've actively processed the movie better, now a little bit of time has passed. [Honestly it deserves a second watch/view for something more concrete, but I'm repeating myself with this, you get it.]

But I don't even really understand it myself. I felt and still feel so detached from this movie in a sense. I appreciate the artistry that went into it, and I adore the way it simply tells the story and leaves it up to interpretation. It references every single film Hayao Miyazaki has ever made before, and elements of other Ghibli films can probably be found in there too, if you looked hard enough. The vibes were similar to those of Spirited Away, and Howl's Moving Castle, given how inexplicably fantastical the world was. It just existed and breathed, and we as the audience jumped straight into it. We never got more exposition than what was needed; honestly I have a feeling that the second half of the movie was the vaguest piece of media I have ever consumed in my life. But it also had this perfect balance of the more drama-focused Ghibli films. The Boy and the Heron, in my opinion, is like the golden middle between reality and fantasy, both in terms of its narrative as well as comparison between other Ghibli movies.

This might also be the reason why I felt confused. The lines between reality and fantasy were so effortlessly blurred, that you could only process a singular picture. And when things are vague to me, I constantly need to pick them apart and analyse them, simply to satisfy my own curiosity.

The moment before I stepped into the movie theatre, my friend who watched along with me told me they heard it was a film about grief. I nodded along and said "yeah, okay, that just means it's another one of many Hayao Miyazaki and Ghibli films. Most of them are about some kind of loss, and dealing with it, either way." I sat down together with them; row 9, chairs 17 and 18, with my two bottles of water (one carbonated, one stilled) and the bag of terribly sour packaged chocolate pretzels I bought at the theatre itself. Horribly overpriced for the quality, I must say. My friend held onto the popcorn, and we sat through the ads, talking and laughing, anticipating something that was supposed to blow us away.

I cannot speak for my friend, but I think they really liked the movie regardless. They didn't cry at it either, even though we both know of each other that we always cry at such things. Somehow this movie evoked a certain stillness in us both; a stalemate between emotions and confusion. Maybe delayed processing. Maybe something else entirely. We both, or at least I, hid it until later.

It was midnight, and right before we stepped on our train home, I was excitedly going on about the references and animation, the things I did appreciate. I bragged a bit about how I recognized Kenshi Yonezu's voice in the final credit song that we didn't get to listen to entirely, because it was so late and we had to rush to get home. They laughed at me and told me to take some time to actively formulate any coherent thoughts on it. I disagreed (lovingly and jokingly of course), and we left it at that.

In the train itself, the same high dimmed into a simmer, the excitement replaced with contemplation, and I kept talking.

I told them: "I believe that this truly is his last film. This felt like a goodbye." And in return, they replied: "It's crazy how this is the last time we'll ever get to live in such a moment. The release of the final Ghibli movie in theatres.

"I'm glad we got to go."

I was too.

I got home, rambled about the intrinsic way The Boy and the Heron referenced other Ghibli movies to my online friends who had yet to see it. Followed by a heated tangent about how When Marnie Was There truly could have had better direction in regards to the narrative, as well as how Only Yesterday was the most boring out of all Ghibli movies. It was a nice night. I didn't think about the movie again.

The following morning, I contacted other friends, who told me about how Robert Pattison voiced the Heron in the English dub, which I hadn't seen or heard at all. He did a great job, judging by the trailer. This led me to another opinion, namely the video essay (I will try to find it and put it in the notes later if you are curious), which claimed something similar to this (of course, paraphrased):

"This is a farewell. The one true movie to tie such an expansive career. It is another movie where you are allowed to explore the magical together with the main character, while sticking close to the processing of it all."

The review I read said it was a swan-song, that it was the question and title of the movie in Japanese, posed at us, after The Wind Rises left it open to interpretation at the end of its run. That this was a story about the legacy that Miyazaki is leaving behind, how reality and fantasy coexist together, possibly influencing each other (not explicitly said but what I interpreted that review saying, so no this is also not completely like this).

Other tumblr posts I've seen on here say it was a film most likely dedicated to his son, Goro Miyazaki. That it was a gentle "I'm sorry, the shadow I leave behind is huge. I know that you will try and fail to fill it. It's okay; you don't have to. You can leave it behind. It's alright if this legacy dies with me."

Some other sources I've seen compare the main protagonist to Miyazaki himself, trying to grapple with the ending.

Yet somehow, all of these interpretations seem to fail to explain the entirety of this movie. The bigger picture if you will. These themes and moments and interpretations are not wrong, but to me, they're not satisfying enough.

Because maybe I am the only one who actually was insane about this moment, but I will never forget the delivery room scene between Mahito and Natsuko. How Himi addresses the magic stone, pleading to let the two go, saying "Natsuko and the boy who is to be her son". (Again, paraphrased, I cannot remember the exact line.) Maybe I am the only one who witnessed the whimsical fire witch and the going back in time plots and the fact that a younger Kiriko and Himi were there, already part of an ecosystem. How we already know from the other grannies in the house that Mahito's mother disappeared once for a whole year into the tower, and then came back the same as before. How the pelicans were BROUGHT there, that they did not belong there, and yet were forgetting how to fly. How they ate the Warawara, these creatures that were rising above to be born in the upper world. How the Heron's weakness was his 7th tail feather (or something along those lines), and how the fish and the frogs chanted for Mahito to join them in the tower. That the great-great-uncle was hoping for Mahito to succeed him and build a new tower, yet the king of the parakeets butted in and haphazardly did the job, resulting in it immediately toppling over, as well as the stones getting cut.

I think about the final scene where the Heron says "It's best to forget. Do you have any keepsakes?" And Mahito shows not only older Kiriko's figure, but also a piece of the stone paths they walked upon in order to get to the centre, the beating heart, the magic stone and his great-great-uncle.

How this is taking place during a war, that the timeline goes from his mothers death that Mahito cannot get over, to the welcoming of his stepmother and his new younger sibling. Them moving back to Tokyo. The way the tower completely collapsed. Completely and utterly collapsed and perished; not even a trace of it left behind. The way that older Kiriko keeps yelling it is a trap to Mahito in the beginning, but that both he and the Heron know. That it is inevitable to tread this specific path. That he must see for himself, whether his mother is truly alive. The way she both was and wasn't; first a mirage of her older self disappearing into a puddle of water, and second a firey spirit of her younger self coming to help Mahito. The way that he reads and cries at the book she left him, the way he hits himself with a rock after his big fight with his classmates; the way Mahito in general drowns consistently in the beginning of the film. He drowns in the fire that he lost his mother in. He drowns in the mud and the dust when he tries to enter the tower at first. He drowns in his dreams, in his tears, drowns right into his quest to find Natsuko (straight through the floor, by behest of his great-great-uncle), drowns in pelicans trying to eat him, nearly drowns in the actual sea until younger Kiriko fishes him out.

Now these things may seem like me just randomly naming shit that happens in the movie. Hopefully in a slightly poetic way, possibly. I could go on and on about the imagery, truly. But my point is, this movie may have been Miyazaki's last movie, his way of closure, his way of speaking to his son about his legacy, his way of describing the grief of losing his mother (idk if this is autobiographical or not. It very well may have been), yet...

Even so, it doesn't really fit the entire picture. It feels incomplete. The analyses always focus on the true meaning behind this movie, what happens behind the scenes, this one key climactic moment between Mahito and his great-great-uncle. But that's as if you would ignore the rest of the movie in general. As if the fantastical aspects weren't there to abstractly tell a story besides just being a symbol of closure for the person that directed it.

Personally, this is a tale of rebirth. Of losing yourself, and then rediscovering yourself in a way. I associate it with my own personal loss of my grandfather; the family member I felt closest to out of everyone.

The way you look back at such a traumatic stage in your life, something that irrevocably changed you for good, something that you probably don't ever want to relive again, but also mustn't forget. The way you instinctively are afraid to learn about who the person you love and grieve was, before you were in their life.

To this day, I still cannot speak to my mother about whether my grandfather had a favourite song before me forcing him to sing along with my favourites. A favourite book before he read out bedtime stories to me tirelessly. Who the boy in him was, and what wisdom and life lessons he carried on, into his grave, into the hearts of his children.

This movie depicts so much more than just grief, it's so much more than just legacy, even. It directly reflects the way I know I would have felt had I dared to actually see things for myself. If I actually dared to go through my grandfather's old things; the books he wrote and dedicated to me, the books he read when he was young. This movie depicts not how to live, but how to live on.

And the only way to live on is to move forward. To look at the foundations upon which it was built, to evaluate whether you truly want to have this be your burden to carry for the rest of your life. Mahito's abstract grief in regards to his mother, and the solace he finds in the fact that he at least knew who she was; that he at least had her in his life as both his mother and the girl that his stepmother knew, that at the very least he knows his mother would do it all over again, if she could. That despite everything, she did not regret a thing, and that she was not afraid. That somewhere, in the past, she lives on, happily marching toward this fate, because she knows that Mahito will be there to meet her again in the future.

And Natsuko, god, she worries relentlessly about whether Mahito will accept her. She worries to the point she yells at him, telling him that she hates him and his existence, because he rejects her so coldly and yet still bothers to show up in front of her during her most vulnerable moments. That he only takes and takes and takes; he steals her cigarettes in order to learn how to sharpen a knife from one of the servants. He uses those techniques to create a bow and arrow, a weapon. He gets into fights at school, he gets gravely injured on the side of his head, leaving a lasting scar.

If I were in her shoes, I would be furious at him too. Especially if he walked straight into the delivery room, trying to drag me out of bed while I was doing my damn best to keep the other child in my belly alive.

That scene, that sheer rage, and the way it ALL FUCKING SUBSIDES the MOMENT Mahito accepts her and calls her mother. The moment Mahito understands that through the literal whirlwind of plasters, things used to tend to wounds, none of those pleasantries/guards will truly allow him to reach her. The way he tries to nurse his own wounds, as well as try to nurse hers, over the loss of their shared connection (Natsuko's older sister, Mahito's biological mother), will NEVER allow him to make a connection with her. By being careful, by being polite, he will never get to be her son.

And he realizes, in that moment, that he wants to.

The magic stone tries to stop this. The magic stone dislikes disruption; dislikes things changing, dislikes breaking traditions (the taboo of entering the delivery room). The parakeets in the tower flourish because they follow the magic stone's whims more or less. They agree to follow its rules, even if it means they are prone to its abuse, because it gives them an advantage, a place to stay. The pelicans have to eat the Warawara, because there is no other food available to them.

The way younger Kiriko says "you reek of death", and how they establish this place is mostly made up of death and dead people. Dead people, or dying people, creatures that are begging to survive another day. Creatures that are begging to be reborn. That want to change, that wish to fly once more.

My mother once gave me a poem dearest to her heart. We have always been a family filled with literature and stories, but my mother was always the best at both writing them and reciting them. She used to read them out to me, back when I was in a particularly bad spot mentally, to the point I could not get out of bed for weeks on end, to try and reach me. She read with the sincerest passion in her voice, a small plea to get me back to the girl I was before.

I cannot explain or remember the poem by heart, but once I was at my true rock bottom, she told me to look it up. A Serbian poem, written by Miroslav Antić (I will add the name of it later), that was about growing up and growing into your own person. It made me weep, for it had a phrase I think I can only translate to this:

"Run and don't look back."

Somehow, whenever I look at all of these birds and creatures in this fantasy world, trying to fly desperately, trying to get to the skies, trying to get to even live, and think about the fact that the only way they can is by leaving this place. That the only way they can fly and survive as themselves is by leaving this tower, this stone, this foundation. By leaving and being born, by leaving and being reborn.

And, after all of this. Somehow I'm not even done yet. I haven't talked about the great-great-uncle in depth, nor the king of the parakeets, nor the heron whatsoever. I have not yet even touched upon what I might think the magic stone is, and the sheer amount of like symbolism I picked apart in my brain because of my insanity.

I'm probably not the only one who noticed these things. But so far I haven't seen anyone actively share these things, so, I will do my best to continue and genuinely wrap it up as best as I can. So that this can also bring the same amount of closure as the movie does.

The magic stone is like a shooting star that came onto the earth. It realizes dreams and worlds of whoever dares to walk into it and claim to own it; like how Mahito's great-great-uncle got obsessed and built a tower around it, caging it, taming it. And yet he still had to play to its whims, consistently making sure his own tower of blocks did not fall, that all of his work did not amount to nothing. Personally, I do believe the great-great-uncle could represent Miyazaki himself. That Miyazaki is trying to express how he built Ghibli and that now it has been going on for so long, and it has become unmanageable to continue upholding it. That it is time to retire.

A thing I find interesting and remember pretty well is the conversation between the parakeet king and the great-great-uncle. How they talked about Mahito's transgression, breaking into the delivery room (side note: he broke in and broke through to Natsuko with his mother's spirit. Mahito became Natsuko's son with the blessing of his mother; with the sheer love she had for him being carried on and through), and how the great-great-uncle says something akin to this:

"It is why I wish for him [Mahito] to succeed me."

"I cannot overlook such a transgression."

I feel this is important. It is key to how the great-great-uncle views Mahito in this. Because Mahito was not sent out on this quest to find Natsuko out of pure selfishness. Sure, his uncle would have wanted him to succeed him, but the entire reason WHY he believed in Mahito to begin with, is the fact that this boy was able to break the foundation and the traditions in the first place. Mahito inherently disobeys from the chosen path. Mahito inherently does not believe the Heron when he says that all herons lie. Mahito doesn't waver when the heron flies straight at him, he doesn't sway when the frogs or the pelicans overwhelm him. Mahito stands firm in who he is, even if he is trying to deal with new circumstances. Mahito inherently goes to places he should not be in (his curiosity for the tower). Mahito has enough power on his own to create a new tower, but only by rebuilding it from scratch.

This ready acceptance that the great-great-uncle has towards Mahito's decision NOT to inherit his legacy, is what makes me believe this is what this movie is supposed to represent. Break away from the old, off into the new. Closure. Moving on.

This is also reflected in the sentiment that Mahito truly DOES move on. He goes back to his family, his father, school, he goes back with Natsuko as his mother and a new younger sibling to Tokyo. He returns there where he came from, but he is not the same anymore. He is reborn into a new Mahito.

And god I feel like I'm repeating myself to death here; I really should have thought about the structure of this, but give me some slack okay. It's like 6:30 am already and I'm still not done, despite continuously writing and labouring at this.

So, the tower that immediately falls apart by someone who always follows the whims of a dream (the parakeet king and the stone respectively). God it is just such a momentTM. Because in the end even this shows that the parakeets, too, even though they by far had it the best in that goddamn tower, had to leave. For they could not build something on their own without learning who they were outside of the already established. Outside of just following the rules and all.

They had to leave, my GODDDDD.

As I'm getting progressively more unhinged, we shall move onto the most unhinged character in this entire fucking movie. The Heron himself. God there's too much to unpack here, really, but the truth is, the Heron was supposed to be the guide to Mahito. The Heron was supposed to be Mahito's biggest, most aggressive enemy, the direct antagonist to Mahito's protagonist. The Heron doesn't want change. The Heron tries to bribe Mahito with the fact that his mother is still alive, that he need only enter the tower, and lose himself to illusions and dreams. That fantasizing about his mother being alive won't only drown him more, that it won't just let Mahito sink into the deepest pits of his despair and anguish about such a death, that losing yourself to the belief that something is there when it is not wouldn't only be counterproductive. The Heron masks himself consistently; he says that all herons lie. He says that he only has one weakness, his own feather, that allows the arrow to automatically target him. In essence, the Heron shot himself in the foot beak. He himself slipped up in his mirage world, and came out to be who he truly was, this weird little man with a huge nose and a conniving demeanour. He adamantly cannot disobey the dream, for then his true nature comes peaking out (a small detail I absolutely love is the fact that the Heron's feathers also disappear out of Mahito's hands when Mahito is called back to reality by the grannies. The grannies protect him in the dream world too, by being his tether and support system while he gets over himself and starts trusting Natsuko). The Heron doesn't WANT to be a guide, for in order to be a guide, you must tell the truth. You'd need to know some facts about the world around you and share this information with the ones seeking guidance. This is how I believe Mahito understood the Heron before we did.

It's not that all herons lie; it's just that this particular one does not want to face the truth/reality.

Another interesting detail: the whole reason why only Mahito was able to cover up the hole in the Heron's beak was reminiscent about how only those that called you out can really patch up your old image. Only those that have poked holes in your false narrative are able to fill them back up again, and even then it is not the same, and even then it will not always be comfortable/reliable.

Either way, the Heron, after this wings partially turn into hands, his true nature, is unable to fly all that well for a while. He relies on Mahito's corkscrew thing in order to relish in his comfort zone of lies again. But throughout the movie, the Heron slowly starts to ignore the corkscrew completely; simply opting to stay in his (frankly, freakish) half gremlin man half heron costume form. The Heron changes because Mahito inspired him to change. Even though his image used to be spotless before, and he tried to deceive Mahito, after a while, he stopped doing that. The mutual trust both Mahito and the Heron had grew. The Heron became a person, although his heron-ness would never go away.

The Heron thus warns Mahito that he should want to forget. That he will forget, either way. That this struggle of his to grapple with the reality of his situation, and the fantasy that he was delving into, will become a far-off memory that Mahito should not revisit. The Heron, I believe, is genuinely trying to look out for Mahito.

"Don't dwell in what you have already overcome. Don't revisit the things you have already outgrown."

And this is where the movie more or less ends. Mahito still keeps that stone, and his mother's book, and he goes back to Tokyo; the only crucial difference is that he has overcome his own grief.

Now, I've said this like a billion times now, but this is the rebirth. This is what I think this movie stands for. What it means, at its core. This is what it means to live; to move on and to cut ties with that what has no place in your life anymore. Miyazaki, I think, is trying to give us closure, a final farewell to Ghibli altogether.

Now I don't know about any speculation that he might come back again, and personally, I don't think it really matters. If he does come back, good for him. I just don't know enough to say anything for sure, so I'll just say I cannot say.

Either way, I think, even though Miyazaki conveyed the need for a new start/a rebirth, he didn't really end on the complete abolishment of all that used to be. You are allowed to keep mementos of it; even though the Heron advises not to. Mahito is allowed to reflect upon this experience, to see it as another stone in his foundation/formation, to say that, yes, the spirit of this change will always stay with me, although it has passed.

Just like how Mahito's mom was someone who returned to the past without regrets. She never came back. She was a spirit that pushed Mahito forward, and he will always remember her, but it's better that she stay a memory than become a fantasy.

This is why I'm so impressed by this movie in general. I'm so thankful that I was able to witness this with a friend of mine. I'm glad that I was able to see this, even though my insanity knows no bounds, and the fact that I didn't even think about any of this until I really sat down to look through the options of interpretations.

I'm so glad I got to go. Now it's time to run towards the future, and never look back.

[nordic-language-love]

This month's bonus book is super long and it seems the reason for that is because the author spends like a paragraph doing world-building or unnecessarily over-explaining reactions between each line of dialogue -_-

[around-your-throat]

the thing that sucks the most is that you will finish the introduction and get half-way through the literature review before realizing the thing you're advocating for is actually just like. a bunch of baseless bullshit

[bittersweetresilience]

i'm not really one to post snippets but... you know, since i'm unlikely to publish any of this anyway... i was going back through my fics and i am thoroughly charmed by how much i forgot i wrote. in about two minutes i'm going to forget i'm a fine writer and i enjoy my work again but for now i'm riding the high... such is life

[suffarustuffaru]

hey guys u know how like reinhard can come back to life right after dying anyway what if u decapitate him and then his headless body casually gets back up and calmly puts his head back on like how fucked up would that be haha

[aroaceleovaldez]

in your most recent tyson post, you said something about leo being distinctly autistic-coded and I was wondering if you could elaborate on that? it sounds really interesting (sorry if you've already posted something on this, I couldn't find anything though)

Of course! I do have a specific tag for talking about Leo's autistic-coding/traits - [here], and [one for Nico as well].

The main aspects with Leo being autistic-coded actually have a lot to do with Nico being autistic-coded, because it's the comparisons between the two that most clearly indicate Leo is autistic-coded rather than it just being his ADHD or etc.

So with Nico being autistic-coded, it's very clear in the Titan's Curse that he's intended to be autistic. First, the first series has a repeating pattern of secondary characters being very distinctly neurodivergent-coded in different ways (Annabeth's adhd/dyslexia, Tyson's down syndrome-coding, Nico's autism-coding). With Nico's introduction, he's pretty stereotypically autistic and we're given a lot of descriptors about him that are notably not attributed to him being ADHD, like it would be for other demigod characters. He doesn't register social cues such as people getting annoyed at him, he's asking/making inappropriate or impolite questions/comments, he gets particularly upset about change (such as Bianca joining the Hunt) and generally gets emotional, and one of his most notable traits he's introduced with is the fact that he has a special interest (MythoMagic) - and we're shown that this special interest particularly colors how Nico navigates the world. While ADHD has hyperfixations, we don't really get much acknowledgement of hyperfixations with demigods usually - Annabeth gets a little, but most others don't and it's not nearly as focused-in on as Nico's is.

Then as the series continues we see these traits stick with him and him start to show or voice more traits that similarly indicate he's autistic: He regularly mentions how he doesn't understand living people and prefers the company of the dead (social issues). He has more notable stims than other demigods (twisting his ring, fiddling with bones, etc). He's indicated to have strong sensory preferences (usually wearing mostly black/aversion to bright colors, usually wearing layers/his coat, multiple times he's described as wearing loose/baggy clothing or clothes too big for him). He has specific comfort items (his ring, likely his jacket(s) as well). We later get even more information about his special interests (Mythomagic/mythology/history and an older interest in pirates - the latter he specifically notes likely heavily influenced his feelings towards Percy). He struggles with emotions and facial expressions and tone. He struggles particularly with ostracism and feeling like he doesn't fit in and has something distinctly different about him from the people around him (who notably, all have ADHD, which indicates it isn't the ADHD that's making him feel that way), and other characters regularly describe him as being off-putting because of his strange behaviors - again, different from specific ADHD traits they recognize. And that last point is kind of notable because we have Hazel and Bianca for comparison - we know people are off-put by both Nico and Hazel because of being children of Hades/Pluto and their powers/aura, but other characters get past that general feeling of discomfort way faster with Hazel. And even after characters get past the death stuff with Nico, there's a second thing that they aren't moving past that isn't a factor with Hazel (Nico's autism).

So that brings us to Leo - Leo is paralleled to Nico a lot. And there's some very specific traits about him that we know are autistic-coding because of how they're used with Nico: He similarly struggles with social cues/etc, and in a very similar parallel to Nico describes how he prefers the company of machines to people because machines make more sense to him. He has similar types of clothing/sensory preferences (again some stuff with layers but also - pockets! He likes having pockets and things to put stuff in! He's even introduced as having a jacket with lots of pockets), and he has a distinct special interest (machinery) that we specifically know heavily influences how he views and navigates the world (constantly comparing things to machinery, describing things with machinery metaphors/terminology, etc etc). He even describes his entire general worldview to Hazel and it's a machine metaphor. He also similarly struggles with ostracization like Nico does, the only difference being that Leo specifically puts on a persona to compensate for areas he knows he's lacking in and very explicitly describes it as a means to make people like him, because without it he normally struggles to fit in (He's masking!). We also see notes of characters describing that similar discomfort with Leo's behaviors that they do with Nico, except without the aura of death this time. And when we're in Leo's POVs we see a very stark difference between his masking and his actual personality/behaviors such as his internal dialogues or how he behaves when he's alone. Also, like Nico, he stims more than other demigods, though for Leo it's more attributed to his ADHD. Leo also, more often than most, similarly struggles with tone and reading the room, such as making misplaced jokes/comments or etc.

But yeah! It's really interesting. Also it's just a fun thing that ADHD/dyslexia and autism have comorbidity, so it makes sense that we see demigods who are also autistic. It's also really fun to look at how other characters are coded in the series, what coding looks like in the riordanverse specifically (usually it's tied into the mythological stuff - like Chiron being in a wheelchair but he's actually a centaur, Grover being introduced as having a muscular disease but he's actually a satyr, demigods having adhd/dyslexia, Tyson being coded as having down syndrome but he's a cyclops, etc etc - it's a lot of specific metaphor stuff that I've talked about a bit before), and to look at how characters are compared to one another.