#also I don’t know how to explain myself but the third gif>>>>>

[thedevildeer]

He lit a candle for him to help him recall the memories. The way their eyes don’t leave each other is insane 😩😭 (Extended version)

[galacticwildfire]

Early Mornings

Poe Dameron x Solo!oc

summary: poe dameron and hope solo have places to be, but the only place they want to be is in bed

tags/warnings: essentially a non-sexual situationship (they're disgustingly in love but in denial), cuddling, flirting, kissing that borders on smutty, references to sex and jealousy, some suggestive dialogue, a little angst and brief reference to trauma, but sickeningly sweet fluff overall

word count: 2.8k

a/n: this is a scene I've written for my series fire meet gasoline on ao3 but it's been sitting in my notes app for too long to not share it as a stand alone one shot. also gif for obvious reasons.

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The feeling of Poe's arms unconsciously tightening around my body's what stirs me awake in the early hours of the morning. While I can vaguely remember falling asleep listening to the steady beat of his heart it seems that sometime in the night we ended up with my back flush to his chest and our limbs tangled. Any space we'd left between us in the late hours of last night long gone.

My lips brush the arm he has tucked beneath my head as I look back over my shoulder, finding his head buried in the crook of my neck and still sound asleep. The feeling of him nuzzling into me's a now familiar sensation I let myself bathe in for as long as I can before forcing myself to remember that we have places to be.

The only downside to these mornings is the tragic fact that they have to end, especially when physically removing myself from him is a feat in itself. I may as well be struggling against a Wookie with the amount of strength it takes to pull myself from Poe Dameron's arms. Although I'd never want it any other way.

BB-8 beeps good morning and after returning it I glance at the time, reluctantly and very carefully untangling myself from Poe before he can wake up, a learned skill. Knowing the amount of sleepless nights we've both had in the past weeks I decide to take the first shower to let him sleep that little bit longer. 

My spare flight suit’s folded in the drawer that had been empty until recently, along with the towel that’s made its way into Poe’s room along with other necessities. Despite having everything that I need when I sleep over I haven’t been able to give up the shirt he’d loaned me to sleep in, not that he seems to mind. 

Finding my hairpins on his bathroom counter drives home how routine this arrangement’s become to the point that I don’t know how I slept any other way, how mere months ago I was out there in the Outer Rims alone and now… now I can’t imagine doing any of this without him. 

He’s still asleep when I come out in my flight suit, finding him with the blanket bundled up in his arms in place of where I’d been. The sight has my heart clenching and BB-8 beeps quietly to ask if he should wake him up. 

“I’ve got it,” I say, leaning down to rub his head as I make my way over to Poe, reluctant to wake him up but people are going to start asking questions if we’re both late to our third meeting this week. My mother would start asking questions, and this is something I wouldn’t quite know how to explain to her. 

 “Poe,” I hum as I sit down on the edge of his bed, running my fingers through his messed curls until he begins to stir. “Morning.”

He blinks in confusion when he can’t feel me beside him, but the tension leaves his face when his eyes find mine.

“Hey,” he smiles tiredly and murmurs “What are you doing all the way over there?”

“We’ve got a meeting.”

“We do?”

“Come on, Commander,” I say, brushing back the dark curls that fall across his forehead. “I thought it was your job to know these things.”

His eyes are warm as he leans into my touch. “I’ve been a little preoccupied.”

“That can easily be fixed-” I begin, slowly withdrawing my hand until he stops me. 

“No, no,” he quickly says, and I’m smiling as he pulls my hand back and holds it to his cheek. His eyes fall shut as his lips brush my palm, his morning stubble a welcome feeling. “Don’t you dare.”

I can’t help but lean down to kiss his cheek, bumping his nose with mine as I insist “Come on or we’ll be late. I’ll grab our caf and see you there.”

“Hey, caf’s my job,” he protests as I reluctantly pull back but relents. “How late are we?”

“We’ve got about half an hour, so take a shower and I’ll meet you in the mess.”

“Yes, Captain,” he says, and rolls onto his back while still holding my hand in his, looking up at me with his brows drawn together as he questions “Since when are you up early?”

“Since I’m actually sleeping well,” I say and he gives me a tired smile that I’m helpless to adore. 

“Me too, sweetheart.”

“Yeah?” I say softly, knowing that hasn’t been the case for either of us these past weeks. 

He nods and brings my hand back to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “I mean, I sure as hell don’t wanna get out of bed.” 

I catch the glint of mischief in his eye the moment before he tugs me back into bed with him, somehow managing to roll me so I’m lying on my back in the small space and he’s hovering above me - not that I’m putting up much of a fight. 

“Which is why I got out of it before you woke up,” I whine as he nestles his head in the crook of my neck and slips an arm back around my waist, intentionally pinning me to the bed with his bodyweight to keep me from moving. “Since someone likes to cling to me like a sloth.”

He lifts his head up with a proud smile. “A handsome sloth.”

“That’s true,” I agree, helpless to deny that as he bumps my nose. “But that face won’t help you when you’re late.”

“It’s helped me so far,” he dismisses, his stubble grazing my skin as he kisses my forehead. “Might not be enough to get me out of trouble but it’s enough to keep you here.”

My jaw drops a little at the audacity but I can’t argue considering he knows damn well it’s the truth as I shake my head at him. “That damn face - my one weakness.”

“It’s alright sweetheart, yours is mine as well,” he assures me as he peppers kisses across my face. “Those eyes… you know I can’t say no to you so-” I whine again as he pulls back and moves his body off mine, settling between me and the wall. “I’ll let you get going and I’ll meet you in the mess.”

He knows he has me where he wants me and I couldn’t care less as I tug him back by the fabric of his shirt and he certainly doesn’t make any effort to resist as he gathers me back up in his arms, settling over me with his elbow propping him up this time. 

“No, you’re stuck with me now,” I decide and I’m holding his face as I pepper kisses from his cheek to the bridge of his nose, our bodies melding as our legs tangle together.

He kisses my jaw while he teases “Isn’t being clung to all night enough for you?” It’s then he turns his head to look at me and his lips incidentally brush mine, although it’s far from the first time. 

Still, his breath hitches and my voice trembles slightly as I ask “What do you think?”

He searches my eyes, seeking whatever it is he’s looking for before our lips meet. Again, far from the first time. Another in a long series of kisses we’ve sworn wouldn’t happen again and yet we always end up here. The softness of his lips has me trying to recall every reason we’ve used for why this can’t happen. 

The fact that we’re a disaster at the best of times. 

That we both have the tendency to let our emotions cloud our judgement until it ends in screaming fights in the middle of the hangar. 

The fact that he’s still my commanding officer and we’re on fragile enough footing with high command as it is, even if everyone knows we operate as partners. 

That all it would take is one bad call in the field and we’re both dead. 

The fact that he’s my best friend, my partner, the one damn person in this galaxy I trust whole heartedly. 

Knowing that I’d lose my mind if anything ever happened to him.

If I lost him-

My back arches off the bed as his tongue slips into my mouth and he swallows the sound that comes from the back of my throat as the hand that was under me moves to squeeze my waist. He gasps softly as my fingers slip into his hair in return, gently tugging at his curls to pull him closer - needing him closer. 

It’s when my legs hook around his hips that BB-8’s beeping reminds us that he’s still there and we both flush in embarrassment. R2’s been around long enough that he doesn’t linger past a certain time, even when Poe and I’s affection is innocent, but despite being a romantic sweet BB-8 isn’t prepared to see anything more than this.

And Poe and I certainly aren’t prepared to put on a show for him. 

Still, I can’t help but burst out laughing when Poe murmurs in my ear “We have an audience.” He kisses my forehead again before clearing his throat. “Hey buddy, why don’t you go see what R2’s up to?”

He gives an offended beep, both at his dismissal and us forgetting his presence, before finding his way out and we share a look of mortified guilt. I’m trying to hold back embarrassed laughter while Poe’s head dips to my shoulder to kiss where my collarbone's exposed by the partially zipped flightsuit before he again slips into the bed beside me, holding me close with a caressing hand over my hip. 

“I’m guessing you haven’t had to kick BB-8 out before?” I tread, knowing that I’m the only person Poe’s had sleeping over since he’s joined the Resistance, but I can’t help the pang of jealousy at the thought of him being with someone else like this.

“Like I’ve told you sweetheart, I’ve been living like a Jedi since before Leia recruited me,” he says, settling those thoughts with a kiss to my forehead. “I think he’s just mad I’ve been taking your attention away from him.”

“I still give him plenty of love,” I assure Poe and he tugs me closer, his lips lingering on my temple as I bury my face in his neck. “Five more minutes, then we’ll get up.”

“What happened to we’re gonna be late?” he teases and I just groan. “Hope…”

“I know, I know,” I pout, rolling back enough so that my face rests beside his on the pillow we’ve shared more often than not the past few weeks. “I just wanna stay here with you.”

I search his eyes, praying he hears what I really want to say. That I want it to be just you and me. No First Order. No protocol. Just us. Raw and mostly unfiltered.

He plays with my fingers, kissing each one individually before he meets my eye and I know that he does. “How about after the meeting I swap patrols with Karé so we can go out together?” he suggests. “It’s been a while since it’s been just the two of us and our x-wings.”

“Because command nearly has a nervous breakdown every time we go out there together,” I remind him, lacing our fingers together. “I believe the words ‘tie-fighter magnets’ were used.”

Neither of us can pretend we aren’t proud of that label. 

“Well, it’s a good thing that the two best pilots in the galaxy can take them out then,” he says but I don’t miss the way his face falls when he remembers what happened the only time we couldn’t. Even now I can't shake the sound of the pure fear in his voice when he pulled me from the crash. He kisses my hand again and tries to push it from his mind but the memory lingers. “It’s you and me, and the patrols Leia’s got scheduled shouldn’t be dangerous.”

“Famous last words,” I say and he can’t argue with that considering command’s right when it comes to our track record. “But I’d like that. You and me.” 

“Me too sweetheart,” he says, stretching as he lays back, both of us ignoring the fact that we’re definitely not making it to breakfast before the meeting. “But first I’ve gotta shower, get dressed-” he trails off, deciding to be a little shit as he grins “Unless you wanna join?”

I’m matching his grin with a playful slap to his chest. “Then we’d definitely be late.”

“I didn’t hear a no.”

He can see me blushing red and he still wears that same cocky smile that I’m more than tempted to kiss off his face. I don’t know how many times he and I have been on this ledge, teasing and tempted to go further, only to treat this with more caution than we’ve given to anything else in our lives.

“Are you trying to call my bluff? Because we both know how that ends.”

This is one thing, waking up together and sharing these kisses that we don’t acknowledge. This we can still fool ourselves into believing is the pinnacle of platonic love, a playful extension of the affection we share - an unconventional partnership.

Sex is another thing entirely. 

When we’d first met and things got heated I wanted it, and I wanted it with him, but we both know that this partnership is too delicate to handle those emotions on top of all the others we can scarcely deal with on our best days. 

“Oh I know,” he assures me. “Considering the last time I tried to call your bluff you took a shot at me.”

“You were the one who said I wouldn’t do it,” I remind him, blaming that one on a bout of temporary insanity on both our parts after a dogfight gone wrong. “What can I say? You drive me crazy.”

“I know,” he grins. “The good kind of crazy I hope.”

“Always,” I smile before correcting. “Well, most of the time.”

“Alright, we’d be lying if we didn’t say most,” he admits and we share a laugh knowing that everyone on base, even our own squadron, was at their wits end with us not that long ago but here… it’s just us and no one else.

Unfortunately that has to come to an end, but not before I press a chaste kiss to his lips. “Breakfast in fifteen.”

“Yes, Captain,” he smiles as I sit upright, but raises an eyebrow upon deciding to try his luck. “I can make it in ten if you give me another one.”

And so I do, only for us to end up right back where we started; in the bed with his hands on my waist and mine tangled in his hair. The gentle swipe of his tongue across my bottom lip has me planning to use the dwindling privileges that being the General's daughter brings to get away with being late by at least another half an hour, although Poe puts a stop to that as if he wasn’t the one who started this. 

“Poe,” I whine when he pulls away, sitting up properly and leaving me with my head on his pillow. "Why do you do this?"

He still has the audacity to play around and take his sick enjoyment in riling me up. “We have meetings, remember?”

My eyes narrow at him. “Bastard.”

“What was that?”

“Bastard,” I repeat and he grins. 

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Come on beautiful,” he murmurs as he pulls me upright and I just laugh. 

“Oh no, don’t ‘come on’ me when you’re the one that dragged me back into bed.”

He gives an unapologetic shrug but the warmth in his eyes makes up for it. “You missed the beautiful part.”

I shake my head and he kisses me again before I have to put my hands on his chest to keep enough distance between us that I can actually get out of the bed and away from it without him pulling me back into it. 

“We’re gonna be so late and you still need to get ready,” I lecture, knowing I’ll be the one getting the blame for it considering he’s the favourite. 

“Give me ten minutes to get ready and I’ll meet you in the mess,” he promises, extending a pinkie out to me but I’m not naive enough to get close enough for him to pull me back in. “Considering your track record Leia expects us to be about twenty minutes late anyways.”

I scrunch my face up at him but he only smiles. 

“You’re really cute when you’re pretending to be mad at me.”

The smile I can’t force back only proves his point. “Shut up.”

“Make me,” he challenges, having woken up intent to test me but I'm not falling into his trap again. 

“After the meeting,” I promise before heading out the door to find BB-8 waiting outside for us with R2. “Come on, you can keep me company while he drags himself out of bed.”

We're halfway to the mess when we come across Jess who's in a rush. "There you are, Threepio's been looking for you and Poe. Have you seen him?"

"Yeah he's just in the shower," I say as I continue on my way, only to freeze a little as she turns her head back incredulously.

"How do you know-"

"BB-8 told me," I quickly follow up and she blinks at me in disbelief before she shakes her head and keeps walking, but at this point Poe and I have accepted the fact that our squadron believes we're hiding some illicit affair from them.

Then again, it's always poor Jess who seems to catch us in compromising positions. Although as long as it's her and not my mother, or maker forbid Threepio, I can live in peace with that.

[she-karev]

First Date (Andrew DeLuca x Alex Karev's Sister Imagine)

Previous Chapter Here

Chapters : Three of Four

Age Rating: 12+

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Ship: Andrew DeLuca x Amber Karev (Alex Karev's Sister)

AN: Hey guys here’s the third chapter the last one will be posted by tomorrow. The GIF above is what Amber looks and feels the morning after.

Summary: Amber and Andrew talk the morning after their first date.

Words: 2767

I wake up to the sunlight beaming through the blinds and groan. I sit up and realize I am in someone else’s bed in someone else’s house. I see the shirt I’m wearing and sniff it to be sure. It smells like Andrew; I’ve been around him long enough to know he wears a musky kind of cologne every day. The attached bathroom door opens and Andrew comes out wearing a towel wrapped around his waist exposing his lean and muscular body to me. I would be freaking out about his physique if I didn’t freak out so bad last night. I inhale to keep myself steady in his mostly naked presence. His wet hair tells me he just got out of the shower and he looks at me surprised to find me up.

“Hey your up.” I nod, “How are you feeling?”

“I’ll feel better once I get some coffee…it wasn’t a nightmare, was it?”

“No.”

“Damn it I was hoping it was.” I take a beat as Andrew looks at me still wearing a towel and I feel uncomfortable with both of us exposed and try to take control so I stand up grab my jeans and open the door, “I’m gonna make some coffee you can find me in the kitchen.” I close the door and put my jeans on still wearing his shirt. I would put my shirt from yesterday on but I’m too nervous around Andrew to take the time to find it. Besides my shirt probably stinks from the sweat. I find the coffee maker and quickly put in the coffee grounds and set the machine to brew.

Andrew walks in wearing a black T-shirt and jeans watching me warily as if he’s afraid I’m gonna break like glass. I don’t blame him I would look at him the same if he had a panic attack right in front of me. I’m relieved when the coffee stops brewing and I decide a menial task might take my mind off things and hopefully help us move on from last night. I find the crème and sugar and set it aside with spoons, “How do you take your coffee?”

“Black and sweet. Do you have work today?”

I pour him a cup, “No I’m off today what about you?”

“Same.” Andrew takes a moment to speak and I prepare myself for the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech but his next words shock me, “I’m-I’m sorry. I thought baseball would be a good first date but if I had known what was gonna happen, I would’ve picked a picnic in a park, a big park with open fields and trees and…oxygen.”

I look at him somber over his apology even though he didn’t do anything wrong, “You don’t have anything to apologize for, you couldn’t have known and honestly a panic attack wasn’t something I expected either. I…” I find the strength to tell him a little about my neurosis, “They don’t happen often I…I almost forgot how to deal with them.”

Andrew nods and asks, “How long have you had them?”

“They started when I was 13. After I had my first incident I went to a therapist and learned behavioral and breathing techniques, but even then, they didn’t happen often. I know the triggers and I’ve managed to avoid them in college and med school.”

Andrew makes a realization about last night, “Crowds?”

I nod embarrassed, “Yeah crowds are a big trigger for me.”

Andrew looks confused for some reason and his next question catches me off guard, “H-How did you manage to avoid it in New York? I mean that city is piled with crowds.”

I sigh and explain, “I never took the subway, I walked to my classes and I avoided the streets during the winter season that’s tourist time. I also lived with a cousin who’s a hairdresser there and her apartment was surprisingly roomy so I didn’t have to be stuffed in some dorm closet.” I add that part because Jen was the only family I had during that time and she was more like a sister than a cousin to me, “I promise that was first one in a long time and I am sorry it had to be on our first date I am so sorry.”

“Amber, you have nothing to apologize for and I’m a doctor it’s not like I’m not trained for when a patient panics.”

“Yeah, but did you expect to use that training on a first date?” I ask bitterly as I hand him his coffee and take a big sip from mine, “I know what your gonna ask next.”

Andrew takes a sip from his mug and gives me a confused look that is question enough.

I curl my lips before posing the question he wants to ask, “Why do you have these attacks? What could have possibly happened to you to make you such a mess?”

“You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to.”

I exhale in relief, “Thank you.” I sit at the small round table consuming my coffee and Andrew joins me sitting across from me, “I’ll get out of your hair I’m just gonna finish my coffee and we can just be co workers after tonight. In a good…three to six weeks things should be normal so don’t feel bad if you take an out.”

Andrew looks at me shocked by my request and says another unexpected thing, “Amber I don’t want an out. I know last night was bad and-”

I chuckle darkly at him, “Bad? It was a disaster topped with a nuclear cherry. I like you; you seem like a nice guy; a stable guy and I feel the need to tell you that I am the opposite. I worked hard to get here I have busted my ass trying to overcome things you don’t know about. There are…so many reasons why I freaked out last night and those reasons drive stable guys like you away I speak from experience.” It’s a hard truth, the guys I’ve dated in high school ran in the other direction as soon as they saw my house and my mom. I have learned to guard my heart and be the one to leave first as soon as they get a glimpse of where I came from. It might not seem fair to them but I don’t want to risk getting in too deep only to get my heart broken.

Andrew scratches his chin and leans forward, “I don’t know what kind of guys you dated in the past but I’m not like them. I’m not gonna cut and run at the first sign of trouble. And if the time comes you feel like sharing your past with me…I’m not gonna be scared away.”

I swallow uneasily and shake my head, “You don’t get it, you will never get it. The others say that they can handle and for a while then can but…it doesn’t last. They get scared and they admit it’s too much because they are used to things going their own way.”

“And you think that’s your fault somehow? You have a past you can’t control and that’s on you?” Andrew asks out of genuine curiosity which slightly aggravates me as I narrow my eyes at him.

“See there it is you don’t get it. I can’t control my past but somehow, I am always paying the price for it. You say your not gonna run but guys like you always do because you had the path to success paved for you when you were born and I had to work tooth and nail for every inch of ground I gained. Some of us have to overcome more than other’s DeLuca.”

Andrew scoffs at my insult, “You know what you know me about as much as I know you so where do you get this idea that I’m some richy rich kid who’s never even had a pea under his mattress?”

“Yale, Harvard, perfect GPA your sister is a doctor I’m sure you two aren’t the only ones in your family am I right?” Andrew looks away confirming his answer, “Exactly…I’m not giving you an out to be cruel I’m giving you an out so neither one of us can get hurt. What I know about you so far is enough for me to believe that your not gonna look at me the same after I tell all the grisly details about me. The details you do know is that I have anxiety attacks and my ass of a brother almost killed you.” I add that part so I can be certain he’ll go away, “You’re not missing out on much and you can get laid anywhere you can get any girl you want.”

“Well, I happen to want you at the moment.” He says it with conviction and all I want to do is take him back to the bedroom and take him ten different ways but I need to be smart here, “Your right I could get any girl I want and they would probably be less judgmental than you.”

I nod, “Yeah your right about that and that’s only one of my least attractive qualities.”

Andrew sips his coffee and agrees with me, “Yeah, I know you’re prickly and grouchy and your brother did beat me up but do you know what else you are? Your smart, your funny, your beautiful and your cool and women of that caliber are very hard to find especially in this scary and technological time. I’m not an idiot, I’m not stupid or immature enough to cut and run if you tell me a few scary stories. I just ask that you let that time come if this thing gets more serious between us. I mean come on what do you have to lose?”

I sit there looking at him in awe over how much he wants to give us a try it almost makes me want to take him up on it. Almost, “…You’re a good guy and I want to believe that there will come a time when I can open up to you and hope that you won’t run but I’ve been down this road before and it has ended badly for me.” Andrew looks at me sad over my inability to start letting him in, “Unless you also have some skeletons in your closet that you don’t feel comfortable telling me I don’t see how we can ever be compatible so…take care DeLuca.” I stand up and put the coffee mug in the sink and wash it until I hear DeLuca talk.

“I do.” He says it in a solemn tone and I turn to face him as he still sits on the table staring at his mug.

“You do what?”

“…I do have skeletons in my closet.” He takes a deep breath and stands in front of me with a frustrated face. It’s the first time I’ve seen him so angry and I can’t tell why until he speaks, “What I am about to tell you is something I have never told anyone since I moved to this country. It is something I left behind and prayed it wouldn’t catch up to me here so if I tell you this once you have to promise it will not leave this house, can you do that?” He looks at me seriously and I am almost taken back as I have never seen him like this but I respond.

“Y-Yeah I can do that I promise.” I want to tell him he doesn’t have to but I want to see what he’s holding in and see if it’s as bad as my thing. He exhales as if tormented by what he’s about to say.

“My father is a pretty famous surgeon back in Italy and you were right I grew up well off.”

“Well, I know a thing or two about having a famous surgeon relative.” I smile but it doesn’t amuse him if anything it makes his eyes darker with shame.

He doesn’t laugh instead he just shakes his head, “Trust me you don’t, your brother got to be the chief of peds my dad…got acquittals.” I look at him slightly shocked but let him continue, “My father has a mental illness we don’t know what it is but Carina suspects it’s bipolar 1. The reason were suspecting is because to this day he never saw a doctor and he never got a diagnosis.” The shift to mental illness calls my attention more as I am starting to see a mirror of my own story.

“In a manic phase he operated on seven patients. He took no breaks, no sleep and no food, he didn’t let anyone help and…four people died on the table that night, four people died because of him.”

My eyes widened at his chilling confession as I fully started to see why he was angry I accused him of being spoiled. Until now I always imagined his life as some Italian fairy tale but I guess that’s not the case. He sighs as he tells the story and I know he’s pained trusting some stranger with this information.

“He would’ve gotten arrested or at the very least had his license taken but between his money and friends he got away with it. It worked out for him professionally but personally he destroyed our family. My mom couldn’t be with him after that so she took me with her to the states and Carina stayed in Italy with him.”

I swallow trying to process before asking, “Is that why you don’t have an accent like your sister?” My question comes totally out of the left field. I don’t know why I ask something so trivial at a moment like this.

But it’s apparently the right thing to ask because Andrew relaxes slightly before responding, “Yeah, I was 13 when I moved here and I learned to adopt an American accent so I would stop getting bullied at school. And believe me nobody liked the Italian with the weird accent who could barely read through English class. So…that’s my skeleton in the closet.”

I look at him confused by his complete trust in me with his own scary past and I just ogle at him before finding the words, “Why are you telling me this?”

Andrew sighs and runs his hand through his hair, “Because whatever you went through in your childhood, I’m pretty sure I can relate even a little bit with my complicated past I just shared with you. And I want you to see that I’m not easy to scare away, I’m a lot tougher than you think. And I’m trustworthy enough for you tell me what is so bad about your past you feel the need to push me away. Whatever it is I can handle it Karev.”

I keep ogling at him because I don’t know what to say right now. I know what I should say, I should tell him about my own past and let him know he’s not the only one suffering from a fucked up past. If anything his story makes him perfect for me to open up about my mom and her schizophrenia and my brother and his schizophrenia and maybe even the attack but…a big part of me stops it.

It isn’t fair to leave him the only one emotionally vulnerable here but I can’t help it. I have made it my mission to keep my family under wraps with friends and especially with my dates. I might be overly cautious or I might be a coward but I can’t tell him about my life and what I’ve been through and I look at him ashamed of myself instead of my family for once.

“…I know this is the part where I spill my heart to you and tell you all the details about my life that’s causing me to have panic attacks but I can’t.” Andrew frowns at me and I can see disappointment in his gaze and I don’t blame him I’m disappointed in myself too.

“I can’t tell you what it is about my life that makes me like this because it’s wired in me not to. Maybe that makes me stubborn or a chicken I don’t know but what I do know is that I can’t go there. Not with you…not with anybody. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.” I quickly walk past him grab my purse and exit the house before I burst into tears.

Next Chapter Here

[reidsaurora]

"Falling Into Fate" ~ D. Morgan

GIF by ropoto

Summary: When Y/N offers to be bait for an unsub, she never suspected it would be Derek Morgan who'd end up saving her. She also never suspected that he'd confess his love after doing so.

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Fem!BAU!Reader

Word Count: 1,854

Content Warning: mentions of phobias (related to the case), mentions of guns (related to the case), mentions of alcohol consumption

Genre: Angst to Fluff, Colleagues to Lovers

Extra Notes: Y/L/N = your last name ☆☆☆ as i so normally say, this isn't exactly canon to the episode, so please bare with me

Based On: the events of S3 E3 "Scared to Death"

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

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"Hey, I've got an idea," I spoke up, though I regretted doing so as soon as I did it.

"OK, shoot," Morgan replied.

"One of us could go undercover and book an appointment for exposure therapy," I suggested.

We were currently investigating a former psychiatrist turned “phobias therapist” who we’d pretty much confirmed to be killing his patients with whatever their worst fear was.

“That’s not a bad idea,” Spencer commented. “The last victim died the same day she met Dr. Howard, which means he’s devolving. He’d probably book your appointment today if you tried scheduling one.”

“Woah, wait a minute. Just because I suggested it, doesn’t mean I wanted to be the one to volunteer.”

“You did suggest it,” Hotch mentioned.

I fake pouted as I asked, “Why me?”

“What? Don’t tell me you’ve got some sort of severe phobia,” Morgan teased.

I looked down at my hands, hoping I’d disappear in that moment. Yes, Derek, I do have some sort of severe phobia.

“Hold on, let me guess!”

“Derek Morgan, never tease a woman who has a gun on her side and one hidden on her ankle.”

“Ah, you’re no fun,” he replied, ruffling his hand through my hair.

“Well then, I guess it’s settled. Y/L/N, you’ll call him and set up an appointment. You’ll have a hidden earpiece so you can signal when you need us,” Hotch said, explaining the new plan.

“Can’t wait,” I sarcastically thought to myself.

☆☆☆

“So, can you tell me a little about yourself, Miss…” he asked, pausing while attempting to find my “name” on his chart, “Allison Curtis?”

“Well, I’m new in town,” I lied.

“How long have you been living in Portland?”

“I just moved in two weeks ago.”

“And what do you like to do for fun?” he questioned, grabbing his notepad from his desk.

“I recently started rock climbing just before I moved. I haven’t gone actual climbing yet, but I’ve been going indoor climbing almost every day since I got here,” I answered.

“Is there any particular reason you haven’t gone outdoor climbing yet?”

“That’s the thing. I love climbing, I love the thrill that it gives me. But I am deathly afraid of falling if I were ever to go outdoor rock climbing.”

This was all true. I went rock climbing every chance I got when I wasn’t working, and I was deathly afraid of falling and of heights.

“So, it sounds like you have a slight form of acrophobia, or the fear of heights,” he said, nodding and scribbling something onto his notepad.

I awkwardly chuckled, “Yep, that’s me to a T.”

“Well, lucky for you, I specialize in something called exposure therapy. I think we could have that fear cured in just one session. Two sessions, tops.”

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. “How soon do you think we could start this… exposure therapy?”

“If you have the time, we could start it immediately. You’re my last patient of the day,” he answered. “We could do it on the roof since I have all my equipment for acrophobia therapy here with me.”

“Um, sure,” I hesitantly answered, standing up from my seat. “Actually, do you think I could use the bathroom before we start? Nervous stomach,” I apprehensively giggled.

“Of course. Third door on the right,” he said, showing me out of his office.

I speedwalked to the bathroom, grabbing my phone and dialing Morgan’s number.

He answered after just one ring. “‘Sup, scaredy cat?”

“Shut up,” I replied, rolling my eyes despite knowing he couldn't see it.

“What’s the plan?”

“He’s taking me up to the roof as soon as I finish up in the bathroom,” I explained.

“Heights?” he asked. “Really? Your biggest fear is heights?”

“Yes, Derek, it is. Is that so hard to believe?”

“Well, considering you -”

“Yes, I know. I live on the fifth floor of my apartment complex and I fly practically everywhere. It’s weird, I know.”

He then changed the subject by asking, “Alright, what do you want us to do?”

“Ask Hotch. Tell him where we’re headed. He’ll know what to do.”

“Nope, Little Mama, this was your plan. I think you should lead,” he responded.

“Trust me, Morgan. You'll want Hotch to lead,” I practically begged. “I’m afraid any decision I make right now will be irrational.”

“Alright, girl. See you in a few,” he replied before hanging up.

I stood in the bathroom, practicing some breathing exercises and shaking my hands nervously in an (failed) attempt to calm myself. After a couple minutes of doing so, I walked out into the hallway, being greeted by Dr. Howard, who seemed a little too eager to be leading me to the roof of his practice.

He opened the door, allowing me to walk out first. I attempted to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, looking as far up as possible, so as to not make eye contact with the ground below.

"The key is to look down at the ground for a few seconds before looking back up. Each time you look down, you increase the length of eye contact with the ground."

I exhaled deeply, looking down at the ground for about ten seconds. I looked back up, backing away from the edge.

"It's OK," he reassured me, nudging me back toward the edge of the roof.

I pretended to scratch my ear, but in reality, I was hitting the button on my earpiece to signal to the rest of the team that it was "go time."

Just then, I saw Morgan, Emily, and Hotch walk around the corner of the building, revealing themselves to him.

"Stanley Howard! We need you to let the lady go!" Morgan shouted through the megaphone.

"Why should I?" he asked, inching closer towards me.

"Stan, we're gonna capture you either way!"

"Not gonna happen."

Suddenly, I felt a force against my back. It wasn't until I heard someone yell, "Somebody catch her!" that I realized he'd pushed me. It felt like my life was in slow motion for a moment, like all there was was me and the clouds in the sky.

In the midst of falling, I heard a gunshot, which I presumed was aimed at Stan. I should've known that the bastard would go out in a "blaze of glory".

Just then, I felt some strong arms below me. "How did I even survive that?" I thought to myself.

"Hey, shh, it's OK, sweet girl. I gotchu," Morgan whispered, his words running together.

I looked up at him through worried eyes. I knew I was incapable of speaking from the amount of adrenaline running through my body, so I opted for a thankful smile that I could barely form.

☆☆☆

"You sure you're OK?" Derek asked, refusing to leave the emergency room cubicle I was currently sitting in.

"I'm fine. It's just a sprained wrist, I'm not gonna die," I told him. When I'd landed in his arms, somehow I'd managed to sprain my wrist. Though, I was glad that was the worst of my damage.

"You almost did, though. That's why I'm worried," he replied.

"I'm OK, really. Go, they need you at the station."

"No, they don't. Hotch told me to stay and take care of you."

I gave him a face that said, "Did he really?"

"OK, maybe I volunteered to stay with you because I wanted to make sure you're fine."

"I'm fine! They told me I'd be good to go as soon as I finished up the paperwork. If they ever bring it," I said, my last statement filled with annoyance.

He stood from his seat, an annoyed look on his face as he said, "Uh, no. Hold on a sec."

Just then, he exited the cubicle through the curtain divider.

"Derek!" I whisper-shouted.

"Uh, nurse! Where is Miss Y/L/N's paperwork?! She almost just got killed and you're gonna force her to sit here in a stuffy emergency room?"

I face palmed, not even that surprised by his actions.

He rounded the corner about thirty seconds later, holding a folder in his hand. "Paperwork time."

"Why are you so persistent?" I giggled.

"Just born that way, I guess, baby girl," he answered. "You want me to fill it out for you?"

"Luckily you sprained my non-dominant arm so I can still somewhat function. Thanks anyway, though."

He held his hands up in surrender before sitting down in the chair across from me.

I started filling out my paperwork, though my mind was clouded with thoughts about Derek's behavior throughout the day. Even despite his teasing in the beginning, he'd been caring throughout the whole day.

"Hey, Morgan," I called, looking up from my papers.

"Yeah?" he asked, looking up from the magazine he'd been reading.

"Is there any reason you wanted to volunteer to take care of me?" I asked point blankly.

"You want the truth?"

"Humor me. Tell me the lie first and then the truth," I answered, my voice laced with a chuckle.

"The lie was gonna be that Hotch has been on my case all day because I'm behind on my papers back at work," he chuckled, "Though I guess that isn't technically a lie. But the truth? Because I love you, sweet girl. And I wanna spend as much time with you as I can. Especially because I thought I was gonna lose you today."

The word "love" caught me off guard. Way off guard. Had he always been this obvious or was I just oblivious to his attempts at telling me? For a moment, I wondered, maybe it had just been fate that the arms I landed in belonged to him.

"You love me?"

"Yeah, I do. I wish I could've told you under different circumstances, but it's the truth. I do love you, Y/N."

I smiled, knowing my exact response, something I'd been meaning to tell him for a while. "I love you too, Derek Hank Morgan. And I don't know why it took me so long to say it verbally."

"Well, that means there's only one thing to do, right?"

He stood and walked over to me, leaning down close to my face.

Was he about to -

He leaned in even closer, and I just knew he was about to place his lips on mine.

Until he didn't.

"We should go on a date when we get home," he whispered.

When he leaned back, I raised an eyebrow and scoffed in disbelief. "OK, first of all, no one likes a tease, Derek Morgan."

"Ooh, I like that. It's sexy when you say my whole name," he commented with a smirk.

"Second of all, why wait? I hear there's a great bar on the plane."

And so, our plane ride home was spent sharing some cocktails in the extra room of the jet, only occasionally being interrupted by Hotch or JJ spying on us. Sure, I told him this didn't count as our first date, but I was totally counting it as our first date.

Maybe it had all just been fate after all...

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[meimi-haneoka]

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Chapter 68: Comments + JP-ENG translation differences

Hello hello everyone!! Here we are again, one month later, for the third chapter of the future volume 14, chapter 68!! Maaaan I gotta say I got pretty excited with this chapter, at some point I’ve started screaming while I was reading it (thank god I was alone) and I believe it’s been quite some time since that last happened 😂 This chapter is heavily focused on my four favorite characters, which I had predicted they’d be the focus of the “final confrontation”, so I guess that’s only normal. God, I love them all so much and I notice that even more with chapters like these. I also found myself to wish even more desperately for season 2 of the anime, because maaan, the scenery of this chapter is particularly breathtaking. I dunno, it might be because I imagined all of that animated, and my breath caught in my throat, but it would really be so wonderful to see all of that moving with pretty lights and sounds someday. I can definitely, definitely feel we came to the crunch of this story with this chapter.

Curious to know why? Follow me under the cut, but not before taking a look at the gif of the month! 😂

The Color page

Ladies & gentlemen, the third SyaoSaku color page in the span of 6 chapters 😂Is somebody trying to make up for something? 😂 Aww, I have to admit that when I saw this color page for the first time some hours before the chapter release, it made my heart all warm and fuzzy 🥰it’s really nice CLAMP decided to revive that beautiful scene of chapter 23 in a color page, it’s such a sweet and important memory for these two. It was a very happy moment, and here CLAMP decided to bring this one step forward by allowing Sakura and Syaoran to hold hands in a lover’s hold, with their fingers intertwined. 🥰 But this was also the scene where we’ve heard for the first time how unwavering Syaoran was in his resolution to not let Sakura feel any sorrow. Yes, sorrow, 不幸. A word that would become so crucial and important later on, and which is recalled even in this chapter through Momo’s words. This color page is also connected to what happened in last chapter, when Mirror was explaining why Flight decided to help them, and recalled precisely this scene. Lastly, I think this color page illustrates perfectly the strong bond that connects Sakura and Syaoran together, which gets once more reiterated in this chapter. It’s interesting to note how the color palette of the outfits they are wearing here is different from the one used in the anime! I find both versions charming, to be honest! Pink is my favorite color but I appreciate the anime’s attempt at making Sakura wear something that’s not pink 😁 The JP text here says “Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun’s date in the sky….with Mirror and Flight!”.

What is happiness to you?

The chapter starts with Sakura, seemingly asleep in the void, hearing a voice asking her what is happiness to her and why she’s always been able to say that “everything will surely be alright”.

By now, we already know whose voice it is. Reminds you of something? Of course it does! Not only it is the "mirror" of how Chapter 65 started, kicking off this “story” inside Clockland (that time it asked about sorrow, this time about happiness), but it is also a recall to how Momo introduced Sakura to her “hint” back in chapter 50. Everything keeps reconnecting and going full circle, folks.

Turns out, Alice briefly fell asleep and wakes up, finding herself on a gondola, together with the Red Queen. As she opens her eyes, we’re made partakers of the beautiful scenery that unfolds before her: on both banks of the river they’re navigating, there are huge shelves full of books, and the wood of the shelves morphs into tall trees. Little black & white roses, seemingly the Queen’s crest, are nestled into small lamps, illuminating the way. Alice wonders about the voice she believes she just heard, and although she’s sure to have heard it before, she can’t quite recall who it is.

First translation difference here:

ENG: “I don’t know. But...I can’t shake the feeling I’ve heard it before” JP: “I don’t know. But...I have the feeling I’ve been asked the same thing before”

The difference here is given by the word 聞かれた. It is true that the verb 聞く means both “to listen” or “to ask”, but when used in this way, it definitely means “been asked”. After all, Momo was indeed asking her something. I found this part a bit confusing because all Alice was talking about in the ENG was “hearing a voice”, not that it spoke to her. So the Queen asking her if it was important felt a bit weird. What’s important, the voice? No, she’s indeed asking about what the voice asked to her.

And here I ask you to pay particular attention to the font of the Japanese version, as I predicted in my last post. Because here, for a moment, we see a “magic effect” around Sakura, and then she replies “Yes. Something very important.” WITH A REGULAR FONT. This means Sakura is talking as her real self here!! Again, triggered by important matters, she regained conscience of her true self. But unfortunately that lasts shortly, as she looks up to the Cat, standing on a bridge between shelves, looking down on her in a very…..pissed off way.

I mean, look at his clenched fists here! 😂 That unfortunately sends Sakura back to her Alice role. As the two girls continue navigating the river, Kaito talks to Momo, who keeps appearing only as a voice and not physically. I want to point out that not only here, but throughout the chapter, the ENG translation put a lot of “filler words” that skew the perception of the tone of certain characters. Of course, if you’ve been following this blog for a while, I don’t even need to point out who these changes affect the most.

ENG: “Perhaps I can convince you not to give Alice here any hints? Here I thought the guardian of the book wasn’t to assist the players”

JP: “I would like you to refrain from giving any hint to Alice. I thought the guardian of the Book couldn’t help any of the characters?”

In the ENG version, with that “I can convince you”, Kaito sounds vaguely threatening. Like “if you don’t do as I say, I’ll convince you by force”. In the JP version, there’s none of that. Kaito still speaks with his usual polite tone to Momo, while still being clearly annoyed at her. Annoyed doesn’t mean he has to suddenly become an as*hole to her. And even when Momo replies, explaining that her line was said merely as a “facilitator” (this very same English word is included in the furigana of the 進行役 word) of the Book, she doesn’t use neither “boy” nor the overly salty tone she’s got in the ENG version. Yes, sure, I was highly amused by the way these two bickered in the ENG translation, but I have to be impartial and say when things aren’t really as they are presented. STILL, the scene is so hilarious because Kaito is beyond pissed 😂(for his standards) and he replies “I beg to differ” but decides to prioritize following the girls, as he can’t lose sight of them.

Books are "Our Story"

Alice looks at the immense library that stretches along the banks of the river, and notices how many books are there. The Queen says that books are very important in this country, and Alice asks her if she likes books too. I would like to think Alice was instinctively brought to pose this question because Sakura’s subconscious knows this is Akiho. Of course the Queen answers she does, because books were always by her side. Just like the real Akiho. Meanwhile, the gondola enters a part of the river where the trees above are interwoven more and more, until it looks as if the girls are entering some kind of “tunnel” or “cavern”. I found that eerily beautiful too (I need to see this animated!!!!!). While the two girls get off the gondola and reach a shelf, the Queen explains that books are people’s “memories”. And they serve as a “record” too. Seeing as “record” (記録) is indicated between brackets, I can’t help but think about the relative Record Card. But what these books “record” in them? The Queen says: “Somebody’s feelings. Their hopes. And the magic they’ve weaved. Many [stories] are recorded in them”. Alice utters the word “record”, probably as if it reminded her of something…. Then she asks the Queen if the book she’s holding is her favorite one. Try to zoom in and pay attention to the magic circle depicted on the cover of this book. Looks familiar? Yes, because you have seen it before.

The version on the cover of this book seems slightly more elaborated, but there’s no doubt it’s the magic circle belonging to the members of the most ancient magical clan of Europe, collectively called by me as the “Squid Clan”. It is kinda surprising the Queen grabbed specifically this book, and with some friends I was musing on which underlying meaning this library could have. Does it store the records, the stories of all the people who tried to use Momo’s book? After all, we’ve been told that her book records the life of the owner. If that’s true, then maybe we could infer someone from Akiho’s clan tried to use it, at some point? Regardless, the Queen replies that this is not her favorite book. Her favorite book is Alice in Clockland. And here pay attention, dear readers, because as she utters the name of the book, the font in the Queen’s speech bubble is back to normal!!

This is not the Queen anymore, AKIHO is regaining control of her consciousness! With nonchalance she lets go of the book she was holding, which goes back to its place in the shelf. Alice points out:

ENG: “That’s my name…” “Perhaps. But it is the title of your story” JP: “That’s my name...and yet, it’s the title of a book you have”

As you can see, the ENG translation completely misunderstood who was talking in the second bubble of this panel. It is not Akiho, despite the bubble being close to her (there’s no tail pointing at her, indeed), but actually still Alice. Alice is confused because a book belonging to the Queen is titled with her name. So this brings Alice to question her own identity. And the true identity of the Red Queen in front of her. Akiho replies that she doesn’t know, because she’s forgotten her previous name when she entered Clockland. But there’s one thing she remembers. It’s the one thing no magic could ever make her forget. Before entering Clockland, she had a [special person]. Here it is again. That 特別なひと I fussed so much about during last chapter. It seemed such a trivial thing and yet I knew it wasn’t, because this is a specific term with which the story is indicating the person someone loves. That’s why it was important to me, I think this is going to be very important to understand the story, and fortunately this time around they translated it correctly. Akiho, talking with a regular font and all, seems to regain a hold of herself more and more. Thanks to a mutual on Twitter I even realized that her pronoun changes from 私 (watashi, in kanji) to わたし (watashi, in hiragana), which is the usual way her pronoun is written when she speaks as Akiho. THERE IS a difference there!! She remembers about the girl she’s got in front of her, too. She tells her that she had a name more befitting of who she is, actually, Akiho says that she’s just the embodiment of the thing she was named after. (This part was translated in ENG as merely “it was your name” and I don’t think they really got the beautiful praise she was giving to Sakura). “Just like a flower that blooms in spring”

Catfight part 2?

A shriek echoes in the library, it’s our Syaoran, the REAL Syaoran, yelling Sakura’s name!!!

He cut through the fake environment created by the book with his own sword, but Kaito wastes no time in appearing in front of him, out of nowhere, praising him for managing to stay inside the book, but affirming that having two Cats is really inconvenient for him (taken literally from the JP text, as opposed to the more arrogant way the ENG decided to translate it with). Kaito tries to grab Syaoran, but as he does so, we find out it was the Mirror Card who had taken Syaoran’s appearance, and it’s now back in the hands of the real one!! Sakura FINALLY recognizes her Syaoran, regaining her own identity once and for all, thanks to her beloved one. As some of my japanese mutuals have pointed out in their own reviews of the chapter, it’s really beautiful that the trigger for both girls waking up from the role they were playing is the person they’re in love with. Syaoran apologizes for being late, and Sakura can’t contain the tears, realizing she couldn’t remember who she was, but she was able to free herself of the spell when he called her name! Syaoran says something really important and poignant, and Mokona sensei gives the entire page to Syaoran to indicate how fundamental this is:

JP: “The only Sakura there'll ever be for me is [Kinomoto Sakura]”

Kinomoto Sakura, with her full name in kanji and all (he usually calls her in hiragana, but here the moment is solemn, you know!). He might have been put under stress and been tested with the whole Mirror thing, but Syaoran will always find his way back to his Sakura. No matter what. Sakura is so very comforted by that. But someone else is just not as comforted…. Syaoran regained control of the Mirror Sakura Card (again with that “Mirror Clow Card” in the ENG translation!! THE CLOW CARDS DON’T EXIST ANYMORE, FFFFF--!!) and even dispelled the Mirror new card, effectively undoing Kaito’s disguise, who goes back to his real self. At this point, we should have all four protagonists of this story with their true selves, no one is playing a role anymore. But Akiho is suspiciously quiet and unresponsive to all of this mess, and Mokona sensei avoided drawing any expression on her, covered by the veil. What is going on with her? I hope everything is fine, but I have the feeling something….might be going on with her….something related to the Squid Clan. Kaito notices that Syaoran managed to bring a sword in this place, storing it inside of his body, and it is likely a skill he acquired during his time back in Hong Kong (not, as the ENG translated, “You’ve grown during your time back in Hong Kong”, that could refer to his physical growth but this is not what Kaito is talking about here). He wonders if it was thanks to his mother’s gift, the divination, or if it was just his own good fortune. Of course Syaoran has to wonder how Kaito knows about all of that. He replies that Syaoran is...quite famous in the circles he runs in (that “young man” was merely added to fill in that bubble, Kaito isn’t being arrogant with Syaoran here. None of the condescending “boy” or “young man” you ever see in this chapter in English is truly said by the characters in Japanese). He says that “the most ancient European magicians” are particularly interested in the Li Clan’s movements. After all, the Li Clan’s got family lineage in common with that of Clow Reed, and indeed that European Clan is particularly spiteful towards them. So, if we ever needed it, we got confirmation that the Squid clan is particularly spiteful towards the Li Clan due to their connections to Clow Reed. When I’ve read this confirmation spelled out like this, I couldn’t avoid going back to think about my theory that the Squid Clan is actually the Reed family (noticed how they never reveal the Clan’s name?), the other branch of Clow’s family on his father’s side. It would kinda make sense if you consider the natural competition there might be between the two families, which have such a famous magician in common in their lineage. It’s still a theory at this stage, but I admit I did let out a shriek or two 😂.

Kaito’s watch suddenly cracks some more, and as he witnesses that, he says he really needs to make Syaoran leave, because he’s got no more time. Again, the ENG translation made Kaito sound condescending and arrogant with his “I have no time for this, you see”, when actually he was merely hinting that his life span is almost over. This is also why you see Syaoran startled by his affirmation, cause it seems he might be having a hunch about it. Syaoran realizes that Kaito is about to start something, so he summons Mirror and uses it on Flight (which was there with them on its own) to prepare “doubles” of it to give to both Sakura and Akiho. Apparently the interaction of Mirror with Flight gave also Syaoran a pair of beautiful crystal wings that just looks like the ones on Mirror’s back.

Syaoran sternly affirms that “I will take them back with me” (again, the ENG unnecessarily specified that he would bring Sakura with him, but the truth is that there’s no subject in the JP text and Syaoran gave a copy of Flight to Akiho too, so he’s very intent on bringing her outside along with Sakura. Therefore, why infering that he’s only focused on his girlfriend and doesn’t care about what happens to Akiho? Excuse me, but that’s not our Syaoran. He would never discard an innocent girl like that, and it makes sense because he doesn’t know about Kaito’s real intentions yet). Kaito confidently replies “I won’t allow it” (the ENG here made him say the more arrogant “No, boy. I’m afraid you aren’t”).

And with this huuuuuuge cliffhanger, chapter 68 ends here, in anticipation for the confrontation we were all expecting! I don’t think it will last for long, if they ever manage to start it, that is, cause Akiho’s behavior is kinda sketchy and I’m afraid a certain clan will soon “enter the chat” in their own way.

This chapter was really exciting for me, I enjoyed it from the first to the last page, and I feel it really reiterated how “identity” is a HUGE thematic in Clear Card. It’s very important to not lose sight of who you truly are, and our loved ones can help us remembering that at all times. In fact, both Akiho and Sakura “wake up” from their roles thanks to the memories of their loved ones. I applaude both girls for escaping the influence of this powerful spell, it must have not been easy. Particularly, I commend Sakura because despite being under the influence of it, she never stopped making questions. THAT was the indication that her real essence, her soul, was fighting tooth and nails to regain control of her own reality. She wasn't merely accepting and taking in everything that was in front of her. And I congratulate Akiho too, because she got herself freed from the spell without having any magical powers, only with the strength of her feelings and memories. The physical and metaphorical lifting of the veil was a super powerful image to me. I found it absolutely beautiful and it spoke to me more than a million words. Bravo Mokona sensei. Under that veil that kept her "in her role", there wasn't the somber Queen anymore, but the sweet and warm Akiho we always knew.

Syaoran was super cool and I think CLAMP delivered what they promised in their Space of some months ago. I’m sure his role isn’t over yet and we’ll see more of him. Please remember that, under his fired up appearance, Syaoran is a very loving and caring child too. He knows what compassion is and I’m sure he’ll give an evidence of it in the last chapters of this arc. While being of course annoyed at Kaito’s behavior, I reaaaally can’t bring myself to be mad at him, seeing how tired and desperate he looks (and sounds) in this chapter. The pocket watch, at this point a symbol of what he’s got left to live, breaks even further and that must have cornered him even more. I once said “Kaito looks like a wounded animal to me”, and wounded animals tend to become really aggressive when they feel under threat. This is what scares me a little bit about him. It’s evident that “failure” is not an option for him, so he has to complete his mission before he dies.

At this point, the only one who can truly stop him is Akiho, and I’m praying that she eventually can gain control of the situation before it’s too late. Sakura can help, of course, but I’m sure the only one who can weaken Kaito is Akiho. The one he’s doing all of this for.

Of course, there’s Momo too. Although she’s clearly got her hands tied, she’s resorting to any kind of tricks to steer this in the direction that will avoid a tragedy from happening. At this point she’s doing it in Kaito’s face too (and he’s not stupid, he notices that but doesn’t want to argue about it right now) and I find that so hilarious, among the seriousness of the situation. She really seemed to me like a mother who was trying to hide spinach in her son’s meatballs, denying that she’s put any of it in them. 😂 All of these characters are so lovable and they’re doing their best for someone else, just like CLAMP said in their latest Spaces.

Another small thing I want to point out is that we still have no “last chapter in 2 issues!” or anything like that announced on the color page. Maybe they want to wait for the very second-to-last chapter before announcing it? We’ll see.

Well, this post is already quite late by my standards so I will leave you here for now, and as usual I await your asks in my inbox to talk about this or that aspect in particular! As usual, a quick reminder of the dates for the next chapter, chapter 69: December 25th, on Bookwalker and Azuki(digital, ENG) December 26th, on Clamp-fans (digital, JP and other languages) December 28th, on Nakayoshi (paper and digital, JP) January 1st 2023, on Comic Days (digital, JP) <- if they don't modify this I'll probably be late again with my chapter post 😭

Let’s hope we’ll get an extraordinary chapter as a Christmas present!! See you on Christmas day!! 🌸

[phoenixyfriend]

Anakin Assists the Jedi Council While On Medical Leave

AU brainstormed primarily by @atagotiak, @gelpenss, and myself.

Basically, a fix-it based in Anakin getting a peek into the daily life on the Council early, and accidentally Figuring Some Shit Out along the way, mostly because Palps Fucks Up.

So, Anakin gets injured in a way that limits him to Coruscant for a few weeks. He can still walk and talk, but he can't fight. The specific injury doesn't matter, just this:

Anakin runs errands on behalf of the council and sits in on meetings to take minutes as a "you're on medical leave but we need all hands on deck, congrats you get to be the secretary until we can send you on stabbing missions again" thing.

Also, there just aren't a whole lot of people with Anakin's clearance level. They had to send out Stass Allie to handle the mission that was originally next on Anakin's roster, and Anakin's the most convenient person to substitute into her position.

He's not super happy about this but he can more or less understand the point of it. Given that he gets antsy about needing to fight almost immediately, he can acknowledge the worth of having something useful to do, if only as the person who's writing down who says what and making sure everyone has the right file on hand.

(Besides, Obi-Wan jokes in a way that Anakin thinks might be encouraging, this is good practice if Anakin ever wants to be on the High Council himself!)

(This is a very helpful conversation.)

BASICALLY, Anakin is resigned to this but agrees because "Usually we have Master Allie handle this but we need her running that mission that was originally set for the 501st, so you get to fill in for her until you can switch back. Think of it as training for eventual mastery or admin or--listen, we're just really stretched thin."

Here's the key thing, though: Anakin isn't supposed to leave the Temple, for medical reasons, so Palpatine doesn't know Anakin is sitting in on Council meetings. They haven't met up since Anakin's last surgery, and because [muffled hand-wave reason] he didn't find out another way, like Anakin comming him or the Council giving him the heads-up about the change in attendance.

It's fine. He's just taking notes and doing preparatory research, he has the clearance, the Chancellor likes him anyway. Hell, they'd have had someone's Padawan doing this, before the war increased the necessary clearance levels. They'll toss in a quick message in the brief they send to Palps that he never reads anyway, and that's really all they need to do. Skywalker's getting some rounded experience and this way the medics won't be freaking out about him stressing his heart after getting electrocuted by trying to spar too early.

Palpatine doesn't talk directly to the Council, he just sends a recording the first time Anakin is there. It's a bit weird, but nothing goes wrong. Anakin's off-screen from whatever device they use to send a response, since he's not technically a member, just assisting for a bit on the part of Master Allie's duties that he's actually allowed to touch (and not the bits that are getting added to Mace, Plo, and Shaak's stuff).

The first four or so meetings are like that. Anakin starts having a bit of sympathy for the Council as he sees how many things they want to do that are hampered by the need for Senatorial approval, things that he would also want to do and didn't think required this much red tape.

About a week in, still mostly recordings with Anakin just sitting on the side playing paralegal, the wheel of fortune turns a few pegs.

Palpatine hands over a an order on the range of injury that a soldier should be treated for, "to ensure that republic resources aren't being wasted on clones that, while expensive, would actually be cheaper to replace than repair."

Oh, he dresses it up in prettier language than that. Anakin doesn't process it as such first.

The Chancellor manages to couch his phrasing in "prioritizing resources for taxpaying republic citizens and employees of the GAR," which... well.

The natborn commissioned officers pay taxes. The Jedi are employees. The clones are neither, because they're slaves.

Probably he frames it as the employees thing, very much the kinda language that sounds halfway ok unless you’re fluent in political bullshit.

And Anakin is really confused at first about why the council is upset by the order because, okay, he would PREFER to be able to use medical supplies on refugees when possible, but he understands prioritizing the soldiers?

He just looks up, totally lost, when someone groans and goes, "That's the third time this year, is he trying to get us all killed?"

And it vibes as such a genuine, aggrieved, sad reaction that Anakin is completely blindsided because it's not the sarcastic, petty resentment he kind of expected? It's just... desperate depression.

And someone gently has to explain that this is the third time they've had resources restricted to only GAR employees and that it's a polite way of saying "prioritize natborn officers, stop wasting resources on clones, we can replace them easier."

Or maybe he doesn't ask, because he's just there to take notes, not argue, and he can see the masters drawing up a response that amounts to "We would like to remind you that our soldiers do not fall into that classification, and to limit their access to our medical supplies is liable to cause a loss of life that we find unreasonably high. Please see the annotations attached to adjust wording so that the clones may receive the same level of care."

Anakin's internally just like "Yeah, that's phrased nice and addresses the main problem, Palpatine will obviously agree and change it!"

And then he comes in the next day and the response comes in and it's just dripping condescension about considering the clones actual people.

"This is why we can't use the bacta tanks on clones anymore, just the patches. We could use them at first, we had a few of the CCs get through fatal injuries with them, but they cut that off and said we could only use the tanks on Jedi and non-clone officers a few months ago. The Banking Clans keep tightening their belts on the army, and the Chancellor insists we put citizens first, and the clones aren't citizens. We've been arguing back as much as we can, but he keeps going on about the economy and we can't... we just can't, Skywalker. We're trying to save as many of our men as we can, but..."

Something like "Allocation of resources reiterated, the Kaminoans have assured the senate that the Jedi are far from exhausting the resources ordered."

And Anakin's like. He can't blame the council for lying about Palpatine's past or future actions. He just saw Palpatine's actions. Those actions were to order people under his control to throw away lives he saw as replaceable commodities.

These are his friends' lives.

His soldiers are being thrown away by a man in a tower that he trusted.

And then that man has the gall to suggest it's the council's fault.

Palpatine is good at what he does, especially in public, he dresses it up in flowery language and everything, but Anakin's just like "Those are my FRIENDS and also this is??? How slavers talked about their property on Tatooine???? FRIENDPATINE, WHAT THE FUCK."

Anakin can be passive aggressive sometimes as well as outright aggressive. So if he brings up the guidelines and why they make him upset in general terms, and Palpatine says something about how he’s sad the council doesn’t care about the clones...

Anakin, internally, having just watched the council scramble to save as many clones as possible within the guidelines that Palps handed down: Uh-huh.

(Anakin is just the gay horror teeth gif from queer eye.)

Just. “Yeah, funny you say that, Palpatine! Because as I remember, you told the council not to waste more resources than necessary while Mace Windu was arguing to expand the treatment range!”

Palps doesn't even have time to salvage the situation or attack Anakin because Anakin just bulldoze rants for fifteen minutes and then storms out.

Anakin... maybe does a little treason and gets a copy of the orders so he can ask Padme "Hey, can you explain the politics of this?" and doesn't tell her who wrote it so she isn't biased (he tells her that this is why he's not sharing the author's/speaker's name), and just lets Padme pick apart all the 'this is a nice way of saying they don't view the clones as people' details.

Alternately, someone on the Council sees Anakin dithering and manages to get him to admit that he's not great at political language and wants to ask someone to help him understand the full implications. The person--Mace? let's go with Mace--is aware that Anakin is on good terms with Senator Amidala, if not necessarily aware of the depth of said relationship. Mace points out that he's probably going to be seeing her soon just because he usually does and, as a Senator, she can get easy access to these sessions since they're not about specific missions, just allocation of resources, etc. It's not an optimal solution, but she's got a bit more free time than anyone else Anakin knows with the clearance levels, like Order members that are actively involved in the war effort.

Anakin dithers and panics and Mace, trying to be helpful, tells him that plenty of Jedi have made friends among the Senate over the years, didn't you know Qui-Gon Jinn was a personal friend of Former Chancellor Valorum?

At any rate, Anakin goes to Padme and asks her to explain it to him, because she knows how to phrase things so he gets it.

Anakin has to have her pause and he goes outside and destroys some things halfway through.

(Anakin maybe thinks back to the times Padmé or Obi-Wan were really obviously frustrated and when he asked, they said stuff like “I can’t stand Palpatine rn, sorry Anakin I know he’s important to you and you don’t want to talk about politics, let’s just talk about something else.”)

(Obi-Wan: I don’t trust Palpatine Anakin: you just don’t like politicians in general Obi-Wan: yes that is also true)

(Obi-Wan does like Bail and Padme but he does also talk a bit about how politicians generally aren’t to be trusted.)

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

Disorganized thoughts about season 2 of 911 lone star after I watched the finale that I need to put somewhere and the first season of lone star the season finale made me feel so happy and it was such good found family feels and the last three episodes of season 2 of lone star made me feel like this

Not the gif I was going for but I like knives out and it works.

And I figured out why so much of the fic for lone star has a publication date of 2020, which means it was written after or literally while the first season is airing. And the first season is ten episodes long, but they came out of the gate with so many fleshed out characters and potential in those ten episodes!

Sorry getting back to season 2- the first half of the season was good. Tommy kicks so much ass as a character, like I would say the first season is 85% perfect but Tommy is such an amazing character that I wish she could have been in season 1.

And I liked Gwyn, and it doesn’t happen a lot and yes I know it’s all fake but when you look at two characters and it’s like yes I can believe those two people created that person, like damn the resemblance between Lisa/Ronen/Rob is almost freaky it’s so good. I did not love the pregnancy storyline that was kind of a really? They’re doing this? Like I felt like actually having the baby was a mistake- they pointed out she is older for having a child and there are risks, she could have miscarried and then done the whole “we were just together because we thought we were having a baby and this may be your home now but it isn’t mine” or some shit. (I haven’t started the third season yet but I spoil things for myself so I know they kill Gwyn off which WHY- but also then why did they go through the she a has a baby storyline within someone else to kill her off? It’s just… messy.

TK becoming a paramedic- good development. The kidnapping plot and the Judd/Grace episode were all good and the team throwing the birthday party for the little boy who had no friends and TK throwing the intervention for Owen and the entire team discussing Owen while in a call forgetting he can HEAR them- all good!

And then everything came to a screeching halt.

Like I feel the Tarlos condo burning down after the 126 was sabotaged would have been good ideas… if they hadn’t inadvertently been Owen’s fault?

But that would mean dealing with the “now we don’t have to unpack ALL of that” attitude of 2x12. Here are the things that should have been dealt with:

TK and Carlos’s confrontation at the firehouse getting physical

The entire Owen being arrested being a huge set up

How the hell did Owen explain the above to TK?

Did Carlos’s dad and Owen tell Tarlos this together?

The fact that the 126 being sabotaged and then the Tarlos condo burning up was because Owen couldn’t contain his boredom. I know that’s an oversimplification but still.

All of this could have been addressed in 2x13, along with where TK and Carlos went after they were cleared by medical, like of course they went back to Owen’s place but the fact that we did not get any scenes of TK and I’m-the-most-polite-person-in-the-world Carlos living with I-have-no-concept-of-personal-space-or-anything-resembling-chill Owen and I’m-actually-a-giant-puppy Mateo, that we got no scenes of those four living together- we were robbed.

Because what did we get instead?

That did not have to happen?

TOMMY’s HUSBAND DID NOT HAVE TO DIE.

I’m sorry, one more time-

CHARLES VEGA DID NOT HAVE TO FUCKING HAVE TO DIE. IT DID NOTHING FOR THE PLOT.

Seriously- there was never a chance that Tommy was going to leave and not be their captain anymore. And honestly, her staying in the job after he had died and she did not have to, does not seem the right decision with the information she lays out!

Because if Charles’ life insurance policy was big enough to support them and she’s in her fifties and is a single mom now to two pre teens, if she did not have to work the why the fuck would she? It seems the wrong choice in that context!

But, but, if they wanted to have Gina Torres be the focus of an episode, if they wanted to make this choice, I think they could’ve done that for the finale.

In 2x13, instead of say having Tarlos on screen for TWENTY GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING SECONDS where they’re like “even though our living space and all of our possessions burned up less than twenty four hours ago, we have nothing more pressing to do than wander into our crispy burned up firehouse to play with a half burned foosball table and play some fucking BOGGLE.”

Instead of that, Carlos could’ve dealt with fact that he is having some feelings about what happened and that he doesn’t have these feelings often because he’s Carlos and he keeps it together and is stoic and that didn’t mean he had a fire extinguisher in the room when he needed one. Him and TK could have I don’t know fucking slept or tearfully hugged Carlos’s parents after their son almost died. TK and Owen could have, and this is just spitballing.. HAD AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION. ABOUT ANY OF THE EVENTS THAT TRANSPIRED IN FIRE EPISODE.

LIKE SERIOUSLY. PICK ANY ONE.

I have a feeling that after the first season someone went into the writers room and said “okay, we got a second season, we need less beats of people standing around talking things out. In our ten episodes you notice how often our characters just… talk to each other? About what is happening? Yeah that’s gotta stop. We need more people melting from the heat- like we need flesh literally melting off the bone like these people are gas station ribs! We need bombs made of lava to TAKE PEOPLE OUT. We need people catching themselves on FIRE”.

I would like to find that person and take them to task. Because there are so many things that happened in 2x12 that should have been talked about that just…weren’t.

What they could have done is have Charles have a health episode and then in the 2x14 Tommy could worry about his health opening the restaurant and then she could do the whole should I be working? Thing and then decided she wanted to keep her job and Charles would still be alive.

And Billy Tyson- Jesus fucking Christ.

Like again, the firehouse being threatened with closure, that is a good plot point, and it’s the end of season 2, it makes sense. But this could have done without Billy Tyson.

Like yes I know technically he just helped Owen but it’s like Owen- STOP TELLING BILLY THINGS. I really feel this is something literally anyone could have told Owen if this is still a show where people talked to each other.

And that is just some petty shit that Owen turns down the job and the deputy chief gives the job to Billy and is like “and now we’re going to close his firehouse- WITH HIS OWN BUDGET! MUHUHUHUHAHAHA!”

I’m sorry if this made no coherent sense, I was just watching the last three episodes in the second season like what the actual fuck????

Like y’all made me love these characters and then this is how you treat them?!?!

For real- in the season 2 finale, literally all Carlos did was raise his eyebrows like “why y’all like this?” while the 126 told him about Matteo’s temporary Captain almost dying- that’s all he did. In the whole episode.

And he won over Tommy’s daughters and that was cute.

But you know who should have been there?

Charles Vega-

THATS WHO.

[randomimaginesforrandompeople]

Hangover | Riven imagine

Summary: You party a little too hard and end up with a killer hangover, luckily you have your boyfriend Riven to take care of you.

A/N: This wasn’t requested but I had a pretty bad hangover myself the other day and I wished I could have a Riven taking care of me ;) I do not own the gif, any mistakes are due to the fact that English isn’t my first language or the fact that this hasn’t been proofread!

Warning: mentions of alcohol (don’t drink before the legal age in your country) and mentions of throwing up

You woke up groggily. Images of the night before flashing through your head, the night had been great. You had so much fun with your friends but you drank a little too much. At least that’s what you discovered when your stomach suddenly turned and you ran to the bathroom. Your head was pounding, your stomach was very upset and you were exhausted because of the very little amount of sleep you got. So when someone knocked on your door after your third bathroom visit, you really weren’t in the mood.

Riven woke up just fine, he had switched to water at some point during the evening and was not fighting some hangover. He remembered y/n drinking quite some alcohol and since she was also a lightweight, he figured she wouldn’t be doing so well now. So he would do whatever a good boyfriend would and he went to go take care of you. He came prepared, he had brought some fruit, a whole lot of water and some light crackers to get you to at least eat and drink something. He figured he would bring her some soup later on. 

‘‘Who is it?’‘ you asked slightly annoyed making Riven chuckle softly on the other side of the door, his predictions were right. ‘‘It’s me’‘ you lit up a little when you heard the voice of your boyfriend, knowing he was out there already made you feel a little better. You opened the door and saw him with the care package he got you and you melted. It was so sweet of him to bring you things. ‘‘Hey baby, I figured I would come take care of you’‘ you smiled but your bliss wasn’t long as you suddenly felt your stomach acting up again and ran to the bathroom, Riven following you.

‘‘Come on let it all out’‘ Riven was holding your hair as you emptied your stomach. He used his other hand to rub circles over your back in an attempt to soothe you a little. You really appreciated the sentiment. ‘‘God I feel like this hangover is trying to kill me’‘ you said after your were finished and has slumped against Riven’s chest. ‘‘It’s all going to be fine babe, I got you’‘ He helped you up and got you back to bed. ‘‘I’m going to make you a nice fruit smoothie and bring you some crackers, in the mean time please drink some water’‘ You grinned, you liked protective Riven ‘‘Aye aye captain’‘ you saluted him with a wink and drank some of the water he had already set up near your bed.

The smoothie and crackers definitely helped as you were able to actually keep it in your stomach. Your head was still pounding though and you felt kinda disgusting after your numerous trips to the bathroom. ‘’Let’s get you showered’’ Riven said as if he was reading your thoughts. You were a little sceptical, considering you could barely stand without feeling unwell and wanting to lay down but you obliged and followed him. ‘’I brought you one of my clean shirts and I found one of your leggings’’ Riven said, he knew how much you loved wearing his shirts so he figured he would bring you one. He was ready to let you do your thing as he heard a little voice ask him to stay ‘’Please, kinda want you in there with me’’ Riven raised his eyebrows suggestively and you laughed ‘’Not up for that sorry babe, just wanted your help with cleaning my hair and maybe making sure I keep standing up’’ Riven chuckled ‘’I’ll always help you, come on’’

Riven had been so gentle with washing you and your hair that you actually felt more calm after the shower. You felt cleaner too obviously but his presence made you feel better than before. You yawned as you stepped into your bedroom, Riven actually wanted to get you some soup but when he saw how tired you were he suggested you take a nap. You didn’t even have to ask him for him to understand that you wanted him there with you, you always slept better when he held you. Your head was on his chest as his arm wrapped around you to hold you close, the heat of his body making you relaxed and more sleepy. You yawned again ‘’Go to sleep love, you need it’’ you softly nodded before closing your eyes, it didn’t take long to fall asleep at all.

Riven was caressing your head while you slept. You looked so peaceful, it almost seemed like nothing else had happened. He liked holding you close and seeing you like this, it made him feel better knowing you were safe and close to him. ‘’Riv...’’ you mumbled, startling the poor guy. You looked so sound asleep that he hadn’t expected you to say anything. ‘’I love you’’ you said, still asleep. His heart lept in his chest, he could never get tired of hearing that even though you were asleep and probably not registering what you were saying right now. ‘’I love you too baby’’ he whispered as he pressed a kiss on top of your head. 

When you woke up, Riven was not laying beside you anymore. Which you didn’t like. ‘’Riv?’’ no answer. You were just checking your phone for any messages when you heard someone come into the room. ‘’You’re awake!’’ Riven came into your bedroom holding a pan of soup. ‘’I was just getting you some soup for when you’d wake up’’ he explained. You smiled, you had actually gotten a little hungry again so his timing was great. ‘’It’s chicken noodle soup, your favorite’’ you gasped excidedly as he poured you a bowl. ‘’Here you go, I hope you enjoy’’ It was the best soup you had ever had and it couldn’t have come at a better timing ‘’It’s amazing, thank you Riven. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me today’’ He smiled ‘’For you I’ll do anything, always remember’’ he kissed your head again as you continued eating. Riven also grabbed himself a bowl of soup, he hadn’t eaten anything after the breakfast he had before coming over. 

You were feeling way better than you did that morning. All the food, the shower and the nap definitely helped you with getting through your hangover. It was already later and you and Riven were watching a movie. ‘’Riv?’’ you asked as you twisted your head to look at him. ‘’Hmm?’’ He replied, eyes still on the screen. ‘’I wanted to thank you again for taking care of me, without you I would probably still feel like death’’ he chuckled and looked at you ‘’It’s nothing, I love you so I want you to feel better when you don’t feel good’’ ‘’I love you too, so very much’’ you gave him a soft kiss ‘’Next time, I’ll take care of you’’

Taglist: @novawrts @voidmalfoy @criesinlies @fandomwalflower @blahhhhhhhaaa @americaswritings @teaandcoke @reader101k @glowingatdawn @artsyle @orphan-with-a-stutter​ 

If you want to be removed/added from my taglist please let me know!

[leossmoonn]

No Weakness [Spencer Reid]

masterlist 

pairing - spencer reid x gn!reader

type - fluff, lil angst 

request / note -  “where the reader is new to BAU and they see dead body first time, and it kinda bothers them. and spencer noticed it, even when the reader tries they best no show it (bc they’re scared it makes the look like they’re weak) so when they’re just two of them spencer tries to make them feel better and tells them its okay and it does not make them weak.” this was so fun to write, ahhh! thank you @avrilstaro for requesting <3 *not edited lol oops*

summary - you’re embarrassed after freaking out from seeing a dead body, but spencer assures you that it’s okay

warnings / includes - descriptions of mutilated body, small description of case (child kidnapper case for this fic), crying, anxiety, nausea, little fighting, food mention. you and spencer are dating in this  

———— 

*gif isn’t mine*

“I can’t believe I didn’t get to sleep in,” you mumbled, throwing your purse down on your desk rather roughly. 

“Not like you would’ve anyways. Ariel was meowing for you five minutes before we got called in,” Spencer stated. 

“So? I would’ve fallen back asleep after,” you shrugged. “You would’ve stayed up all morning playing with her, babe,” Spencer chuckled. 

You rolled your eyes. “You don’t know that.” 

“I do! You’ve done it every morning since we got her,” Spencer argued. 

You scoffed, shaking your head at your boyfriend. You trudged over to the coffee machine, getting out a mug the size of a bowl and filling it to the brim. It was already your third cup of the day, and while it was probably unhealthy drinking that much coffee, you needed it. It was your first week on the job and you still weren’t used to waking up at five in the morning for a surprise case. This was your second case, though, so you weren’t very surprised that you were still tired. You knew you would get used to it as time went on, but you wished that your body and mind would adapt faster. 

“You’re coming on the field today.” Emily nudged your arm with a file. 

Your eyes widened and you sputtered out coffee, coughing to try and clear your throat. Emily chuckled, patting your back gently to help you. You set your coffee down, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand once you got control of your breathing.  

“W-What?” You asked, the words Emily said not processing in your brain. 

“I said you’re coming onto the field today,” she repeated. 

“B-But…” your trailed off, trying to find a reasonable explanation. “I-I wasn't supposed to be on the field for another week. I’m still technically in training.” 

“Well, part of the training is going on the field. You’re an amazing agent in the office, L/n, but you'd be even better on the field. You’re able to sympathise with the unsubs and solve the puzzles faster than most of us can, sometimes faster than your boyfriend. You’ll help us a lot better out there than in here.” 

You chuckled nervously, heat crawling up the back of your neck. “Thanks, Emily, but I’m not ready.” 

Emily rolled her eyes. “That’s what all the new agents say. You need to just get out there, and there’s no better time to do that then early in the game.”

“I guess,” you muttered, lifting your coffee cup and taking a sip. 

“You’ll be fine, Y/n. I have no doubts,” Emily smiled. 

“Thanks.” You have her a small smile. “No problem. And hey, don’t tell Spencer I said you’re better at the job than him,” she winked. 

You laughed and nodded, “I won’t, I promise.” 

She walked away, leaving you to lean against the counter and to drink the rest of your coffee before going to the briefing room. 

“So, I heard that Newbie is finally coming along with us today!” Luke exclaimed. 

“Newbie is your nickname, Newbie,” Penelope narrowed her eyes at Luke. Luke rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah. Anyways, you excited?”

You sat down in one of the chairs between to Luke and Matt. “Not really, if I”m being honest.” 

“Oh, why? You’ll be great!” Matt smiled. “So everyone says,” you sighed. 

“Hey, I heard you’re coming with us today. Can’t wait to have you on the field.” Spencer smiled as he walked past you. 

“Yeah, I’m excited to outsmart you, too,” you smirked. 

“Oh, Reid, looks like you have some competition!” Luke teased. 

Spencer shook his head and looked at you through his lashes. You gave him a challenging look, leaning on the table. 

“May the best agent win, Reid,” you dared. 

“Alright,” he shrugged. “Better have no weaknesses, L/n.” 

“Oh, I have none,” you smirked. Spencer replied to you with a hum, giving you an excited smile before paying attention to the case.  

Penelope and Emily delivered the case to you six, then leaving you all to pack up your things as you were going on the jet. You got out the small duffle bag of clothes you had in your car for traveling on cases, also grabbing your phone charger and the case files. You walked up onto the jet, placing your bags up over the overhead storage area. You got seated across from Tara and next to Spencer. 

You all talked about your plans to catch the unsub and where you all were assigned to. Tara, you, and Spencer were going to go to the crime scene to scope out the area. Emily and JJ would stay at the police station and work there, while Matt and Luke did witness and suspect interviews. 

You were sitting back in your chair, looking out the window and admiring the sky as the jet flew through the clouds. You still had an hour before you landed. Everyone was either sleeping or listening to music. You had thought about going back to sleep, but it seems as though the three cups of coffee you had finally kicked in.  

You regretted drinking so much coffee because now, your heart was racing and your hands were shaking. You weren’t sure if it was totally because of the caffeine or that you were nervous about being on the field for the first time, but you assumed it was a little bit of both. 

Spencer, who was seated next to you, noticed your jitteriness. He closed his book softly, setting it down on the floor next to his seat, turning to you and taking your hands in his. 

Your head snapped to him quickly, your eyes landing on his. He gave you a soft smile, beginning to rub his thumb over your knuckles. 

“You’ll do great out there, alright?” He assured. 

You sighed, turning away from the window and to him. “What if the lead I find doesn’t work? What if I can’t figure out where the unsub has the kids? O-Or what if I embarrass myself in front of the police chief?”

Spencer chuckled softly at your concerns, making you frown. 

“Don’t laugh! Hey, I bet you had all these concerns when you first joined.” 

“I did,” he admitted. “But, I learned that I worked with a team. It’s not just me doing the work, just like it’s not just you. You have seven people working with you on this. Try and relax, baby, alright? You do amazing work at the office. This won’t be any different.” 

You scoffed, “Please. It’s like, a million times different.” 

“Just try and relax,” he instructed, putting your hand up to his lips. 

You smiled widely, your heart fluttering as he kissed your hand. 

“Plus, even if it was just you working the case, I have no doubt you would figure it out quickly.” 

“Thanks, babe,” you smiled and leaned your head against the headrest. 

“Of course. I love you,” he said, leaning in and pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. 

“Oh, gross. You guys know I just became newly single,” Tara scoffed. 

You laughed and turned to her. “That was like, nine months ago.” 

Tara raised her brows, looking at Matt and Spencer, and back at you. “You weren’t even here back then. How do you know this?” 

“I just know things,” you winked. “Yeah, well I’m betting someone blabbed,” Tara grumbled. 

“We would never,” Matt disagreed. “Mhm,” Tara hummed, going back onto her phone. 

You smiled at you teammates and looked back at Spencer and putting your head on his shoulder. You closed your eyes for a few moments, opening your eyes again. You blinked rapidly, yawning and rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. You rolled your head around, your eyes settling onto Spencer who was back to reading his book. You turned your head back to the window, furrowing your brows as you noticed you weren’t up in the sky anymore. 

“Oh, good. You’re up,” Spencer spoke, putting his book away. 

“Are we here already?” You asked, your voice croaky and hoarse. 

“Yep,” he nodded. “We landed about ten minutes ago.” 

“Oh,” you frowned, sitting up and getting out of your seat. You stretched your limbs, yawning once more as you held your hand up above your head. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” You sighed. 

“You’re just so peaceful when you sleep. I couldn’t,” he explained. 

You smiled and went to get your luggage. “Thanks, Spence. But everyone is probably waiting for me now.” 

“No, it’s alright. We can’t go and see the crime scene yet anyways.” 

“How come?” You asked. “Not prepped for us,” Spencer answered. 

“Since when does a crime scene need to be prepped for the FBI?” You snorted. 

“You’d be surprised,” Spencer let out a breathy chuckle. 

You put your duffle bag over your shoulders and handing Spencer his, holding your hand out for Spencer to take. “Join me down the stairs?” 

“Of course,” he grinned, standing up and taking your hand into his and his bag.

You two walked off the jet, going over to the SUV. Spencer drove you two to the hotel where you dropped off your things, immediately going to the police station. 

“ ‘Bout time!” Matt exclaimed, seeing you two walking through the doors. 

You chuckled, “Sorry. Looks like the coffee wore off and I finally crashed.” 

“It’s alright. I think the scene is ready for you guys to look at now,” he said. 

“Great,” you smiled. 

You and Spencer found Tara, going into the SUV once again, driving to the house where the parents were killed and children taken. 

“Wow, I’ve never seen this much yellow tape in my life,” you chuckled. “Yeah. It’s definitely not an eye sore,” Tara chortled, stepping over the caution tape. 

You and Spencer followed her, going up to the police offers that were talking at the front door. 

“Hi, we’re FBI agent with the BAU. I’m Doctor Tara Lewis, this is Doctor Spencer Reid, and Agent Y/n L/n,” Tara introduced you all. 

You smiled and shook the two officer’s hand. “Nice to meet you two.” 

“Likewise. I’m Officer Santiago and this is Officer Reynolds. The parents were killed in two different places. The father in the bedroom, mother in the oldest child’s room.” 

“Lovely. Can’t wait to see,” Tara smiled sarcastically. 

“Oh, I bet. Go ahead and go in, let us know if you find anything, please,” Reynolds said. 

You nodded and stepped into the house, cringing at the heavy smell of bleach. 

“God. It’s like a hospital in here, but twenty times worse!” You held your nose. “I should’ve told Emily I needed to stay back with Penelope.” 

“Oh, this is nothing,” Spencer smirked. “Wait until you see where they all got killed.” 

“Ew, Spence!” You shrieked. “You’re supposed to protect me from all that.” 

He chuckled, “All part of the job, baby.” 

You nodded and sighed, knowing that he was right. As always. You three walked up the stairs, looking at where the father was killed. There was an enormous amount of blood of the bedsheets and some on the corner of the right nightstand, some splatters that were below on the floor. 

“So,” you started. “We’re looking at a team, right? I mean, there’s no way that the unsub could kill the father without the mom noticing.” 

“Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking’,” Tara nodded. “Well, I could be possible,” Spencer contradicted.

You and Tara looked at each other, confused. 

“Yeah, how?” You asked.

 “Well,” Spencer said, walking over to the bed. “The unsub could’ve choked or suffocated the father in his sleep. I mean, there were ligature marks around his neck, right?” 

“True. And the mom was saying goodnight to her children, so she obviously didn’t see her husband get killed,” Tara added on. 

You furrowed your brows, stepped out of the parents’s bedroom, going to the child’s. 

“Yeah, but, what about the kid? I mean, wouldn’t it have screamed and fought and ran out of the house?” You asked. 

Tara looked to you, eyes widening in surprise. “Yeah, that is a good thought. So… unsub number one is killing the father while unsub number two is kidnapping the mom slash killing the child…” 

“No, that wouldn't work. Maybe it’s a group of three?” Spencer suggested. 

“Maybe,” Tara shrugged. 

You stepped into the child’s bedroom, scrunching your nose as a foul smell wafted under your nose. You walked around, covering your nose with your sleeve. You saw the blood on the bedsheets and nightstand table. 

“Looks like the unsubs all have the same MO’s,” you muttered. 

You opened the closet, seeing nothing but toys, clothes, and shoes. You closed the doors, looking around the walls, your heart sinking as you saw all the finger pantings and pictures of family and friends. You walked up to the wall, losing your balance as you tripped on a a long, soft object. 

You let out a yelp, falling on your shoulder. You groaned in pain, turning on your back while holding your injured side. You looked around for the object you tripped on, frowning as you couldn’t find it. Something pale caught the corner of your eyes. You raised your brow, getting up on your knees and moving closer. 

“What the —” You muttered, your voice getting caught in your throat as you realised it was an arm sticking out under the bed. “Oh, my —” You gasped, peering under the bed, seeing the dead body of one of the children. “Oh, my God!” You shouted, scooting back, your back hitting the wall as you stared at the lifeless body. Tears welled up in your eyes and you put your hand to your mouth, loud and broken sobs escaping your throat. 

The boy couldn’t have been more than a few days old, yet it was still lying there. You could see the lifelessness in his eyes, and still the fear. There was a slit across his throat and cheek, his upper chest red with with green and purple bruises. You felt nauseas and cold, your heart sinking all the way down past your stomach. Your body was shaking and you couldn’t tear your eyes off of the body, no matter how hard you tried. 

You heard the footsteps of your colleagues, their voices calling your name. 

“Y/n, where are — O-Oh, my God.” Spencer’s eyes widened as he saw you crying on the floor. He immediately dropped down to his knees, taking you into his arms. “What happened.” 

You were unable to move, your eyes staring wide at the body. Spencer followed your gaze, his own heart dropping down to his chest. 

“Oh, man. Um,” Spencer said, looking away from the body and to you. His heart broke as he saw you so horrified. He put his hand on your cheek gently, turning your face so you were no longer looking at the body. “Let’s get you to out of here, alright?” 

You nodded slowly, your breaths becoming laboured as you tried to calm yourself down in Spencer’s arms. He got up, taking you with him. He walked you out of the room, coming face-to-face with Tara. 

“What happened?” Tara gasped. 

“Looks like the unsubs left the older boy. Tell the police officers, I need to get Y/n out of here,” Spencer said. 

Tara looked at you, nodding without hesitation. She let you two go, Spencer walking you down the stairs slowly. You exited the house, still taking heavy breathes as the image of the boy haunted your thoughts. Spencer gently got you seated into the car, buckling you in. He went to the driver’s seat, getting in and starting to drive. 

You two sat in the silence for thirty minutes while Spencer drove around. You looked at the window the whole time, your eyes glossy and strained from crying and keeping them open. Whenever you closed your eyes, even to just blink, flashes of the dead boy raced through your mind. Spencer waited patiently for you to speak, understanding how shocked and horrified you were. 

He parked in a Burger King parking lot, sighing and looking at you. He gingerly put his hand on your shoulder, only for you to shrug him away. 

“Y/n,” he sighed. 

“No,” you grumbled. “Take me back.” 

“I think it would be smart if you took the day off. Seeing a dead body, especially a child’s and one you had no idea exited, can really throw you off. The first time I saw a dead body…. Man, I-I was sick to my stomach. I—” 

“Shut up!” You exclaimed, waving your hands in the hair. You looked at him, your chest heaving up and down. Your brows were furrowed and mouth open, your eyes glaring at him.  “Just shut up, Spencer!” 

His mouth went agape, hurt flashing though his eyes. He didn’t let your outburst  dampen his spirits, though. He knew you were embarrassed and still horrified, and that you didn’t like to feel belittled. So he gave you a small, comforting smile, taking your hands into his. You didn’t move away this time, but you avoided any and all eye contact. 

“I know how you feel, babe,” he sympathised. “Yeah, I bet,” you muttered, your voice hoarse and dry. 

He frowned and unbuckled, leaning closer to you. He put his hand on your chin, turning your head with strength and force. You eventually met his eyes, his smile dropping as he saw tears rolling down your cheeks once again, your lips pulled into a pout. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” he assured, cupping your cheek and wiping your tears away with his thumb. 

“N-No, it’s not,” you sobbed, shaking your head. “I-I’m so weak. I should’ve been ready. This is what I’ve been tra-trainging for and I suddenly turn into a freaking wuss? I-I… I… It’s so embarrassing!” You shoulders racked with sobs as you hung your head down to cry. 

“Oh, baby,” Spencer sighed, taking your head in both of his hands. He held your head up again, bringing his face close to yours. He put his forehead against yours, kissing the tip of your nose lightly. “It’s no embarrassing, alright? Your reaction was a perfectly normal reaction to seeing a dead child’s body. Honestly, if you didn’t cry and freak out, I would be worried,” he chuckled. 

You gave him a watery smile, laughing with him. “Y-Yeah, I s-suppose,” you sniffled. “B-But,” you started. “I-It makes me look weak. And I don’t want to look weak, Spence. A-All my life I’ve been told —” 

He smiled widely, leaning back so he could look you in the eyes. “You’re not weak, Y/n. You never could be, even if you tried. You’re just human, and that’s fine. It’s amazing, honestly. You know, I am so proud of you, babe.”

You frowned, “Why?”

“Because today was your first day out on the field, and you did fantastic. It can only get better from here.” 

“Y-You really think so?” You sniffed, wiping your nose with your sleeve. 

“I know so,” he nodded confidently. “And it’s okay to show weakness, Y/n. No weakness is the real weakness.” 

“Such wise words,” you laughed. He laughed with you and he shrugged. “I try.” 

You laid your head back on the headrest, looking a him through tired eyes. “Thanks, Spencer. It really means a lot.” 

He nodded with a smile. “Of course, honey. Now, why don’t you say we get something to eat, then go back to the precinct?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, “Sounds great.” 

He nodded and buckled himself back in, putting his hand on the gearshift and looking to you. 

“I’m proud of you, you know that?”

You smiled shyly, heat scorching your cheeks. “Yeah, I know. You’ve already told me.” 

“Just making sure you know, baby.” 

———— 

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[brellhal96]

It’s... pretty complicated

Summary: College dramas in the life of a third-year student who decides to start, not a relationship, but something with a renowned professor.

Okay the GIF is not very related to the subject, but this man dressed in black has me at his feet.

Notes: This is quite cliché actually, but what does it matter, it is worth dreaming. It is planned to be written in several chapters, so the first is mostly to give context to the story, I hope you like it.

I base myself on Loki's physique, although I will mention Tom Hiddleston as the star of the scene, but my perfect image is in the essence of Loki in a black suit.

I study a completely different area to numbers and physics, don't be rigorous with me on the subject, only I think it an excellent area to show Loki's personality, I do not know why.

I will show at the beginning of the series a somewhat possessive relationship, but with the outcome I promise to shape this. It should be noted that not in a toxic sense.

I didn't mention a specific university, country, or geographic location.ical location.

It's the first time I've written anything obscene, I hope you like it.

Precautions: 18+, mention of fear or anxiety, unprotected sex, a relationship at the beginning somewhat possessive.

CHAPTER 1

I NEVER SAID I WASN'T INTERESTED.

Notes: Okay this chapter is kind of weird honestly, I didn't really put so much emphasis on the obscene, but I feel like it ended up fine, I hope you like it.

Word count: 6389

You had gotten used to the hot weather of the beginning of the year, in fact you had always preferred that climate. You spent the summer with your parents on a beach, sometimes you missed them too much, but your father's job and the university of your dreams were right at the opposite ends of the country. The first year was quite complicated, but then you got used to living alone, you actually lived two blocks from campus so your bike was the perfect means of transportation.

You made some friends here, Jared had become your best friend, his bond of trust scared you a bit as you could tell him anything without fear, but it was quite comforting to have someone like that by your side.

You had earned a scholarship for academic excellence, your studies were your priority since you were a child and you loved that. The only unpleasant thing about this scholarship is that it restricted your choice of teachers in half of your subjects since you were supposed to be with “teachers of excellence”.

When you compared your subject strip to Jared and Diane, they only shared one class the three of them together, Diane another, and Jared two more. In the end you weren't going to be alone in all the classes so that calmed you a little, studying physics wasn't so complicated, it was easy for you, but socializing wasn't much for you.

You went to building C, your first class was analytical mechanics and later thermodynamics, the teacher in the second was assigned to you by the institute, a Doctor Hiddleston, you've never heard of him, you just hoped it wasn't a headache. Your mechanics teacher was a love and with the first class you knew it was going to be one of your favorite subjects.

When you finished you went to your other class, you sat right in the middle in the third row, several were in groups apparently with their friends from previous years. You took your computer and got ready to take notes. Suddenly the door closed tightly and everyone sat a little scared.

A very good-looking man came in, tall, thin and dressed completely in black, I honestly he caused you curiosity why for some reason you felt that you had seen him before.

Without seeing the class began to write on the board quickly "I am Professor Tom Hiddleston and I will teach the subject of Thermodynamics" His voice was strong and deep and you immediately recognized it. You frowned when you remembered last year's science fair, you won first place in the area of electromagnetism prototypes against a fourth-year kid, which made you feel completely proud, yet two of the judges had not been what we call nice to the two.

When you remembered Professor Hiddleston's deep look at you that day, the judges asked random questions to the fourth-year kid and you, but apparently your future thermodynamics teacher was one of those who enjoyed making students nervous with difficult questions. His sidekick on that occasion was your freshman professor, analytic geometry, Professor Scott Lawford a fucking genius, you had cried with his subject, but passed with an A +.

They both enjoyed seeing the nerves invading you and your opponent, whispering to each other with their answers. At one point Professor Hiddleston asked you and you remember perfectly well that when you finished speaking he only looked at you and smiled mockingly for then wrote something on his ballot. In the end you won by three points of the total vote and the fourth year boy, currently fifth, became your friend, both came to the same conclusion, the two teachers were crazy.

He began to write down on the board the evaluation and the issues that are always mentioned at the beginning of the year. For a moment you panicked when he wrote that one of the exams was oral, you could not imagine the martyrdom he would create just to get a passing grade.

He took 20 minutes to explain and let us out to start the next class with the course. When you came out unintentionally you stared at him while he was erasing the blackboard, but apparently your look was uncomfortable enough for him that for a second he turn and he stared at you, you rushed out of the classroom after that. When you told Jared about this future journey that you had to go through you felt immense despair, but then you remembered that, if you could the previous years with teachers equal or worse to him, this was only one step more.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first three weeks of class were pretty normal, you made two more friends and breakfast in the cafeteria with Jared and Diane made you forget about the pressures of school, but just the moment you felt like you were fitting in perfectly with your new year, the thermodynamics class became strange.

The classes with Tom were very pleasant, he was kinder than his body language showed, only he was certainly of a very volatile character, there were days when he seemed angry and others when he seemed happy, it was weird, but it was even weirder that you were attracted to him.

Your previous class had lasted longer than expected and the teacher extended 5 minutes out of her time which translates into being late for thermodynamics. You panicked when you saw the locked door of the classroom, wondered if it was better not to enter the class and pretend a headache straight to the infirmary, but in the end you breathed for a second and you'd decided get ready to knock the door.

“Can I help you with something?"You had never noticed that he was quite tall, it was the first time you were quite close to him.

"Sorry my mechanics teacher accidentally spread...”

"You were able to leave her class to get to mine on time, don't you think?"His gaze was quite penetrating up close.

“I really sorry, won't happen again,” Your hands were shaking, but in reality, not for fear, but his presence so formal, so rigid and secure made you feel strangely attracted to him, when you thought that, you actually invaded the shame, how do you fall in love of a teacher as strange as him.

He just opened the door and walked aside to let you through. "I asked them to work in pairs, look for your partner and ask him to explain what I already explain”

On the board were written several formulas, you wondered how he managed in 7 minutes to score so much.

You asked several guys over there, but apparently the whole damn world already had a partner, in the end you decided to do it alone, you just hoped he wouldn't flunk you for it. A girl explained the instructions to you, apparently you had to pick up one of the sheets that the professor had placed on the desk and solve it with the formulas on the blackboard, you even had to sit up to the top rows because all the other seats were occupied.

You started cursing internally while taking one of the paper sheets from the desk. "Who are you going to work with?"The professor asked you without seeing you while making notes with a rather nice pen of Indian ink.

"I'll do it alone, I already asked ... ”

"Don't you understand what couples are?"He interrupted you and this time he gave you a rather intimidating gaze.

"Yes, but apparently all my companions already have one and I figured I could do it alone then" Your hands trembled again with the paper sheet between them.

"Who doesn't have a partner?"he looked back at his papers and yelled at the whole group. It was pretty funny for you because he himself proved you were right, no one was missing a partner. When he looked up and saw that no one answered he saw you again and then looked at the blackboard behind his back.

"Well, I'll do it with you then" He got up and brought a chair that was at the end of the living room for you right next to his desk.

For a moment you wanted to run out of there, you knew you shouldn't make a mistake or say something stupid because otherwise you'd die trying.

"Get your stuff and start working it out, just let me finish a few things. To be fair with your colleagues and with you I will let you do it alone and answer any doubts you have, because obviously I know how this is solved, but I also consider that it is a lot of work for one person, do you agree?" His gaze became a little kinder.

"Yes, thank you,” you smiled faintly, but felt an internal shock as he winked at you and continued to write with his fine pen. You sat right in the corner of his desk, they were just three problems but they really left you with little desire to live. The first one, you felt was quite easy to solve, even at one point you felt the professor's gaze on you when you were so focused on your operations.

"Don't you have any doubts?"His eyebrows were puckered and his gaze was no longer mocking but rather with bona fide interests.

"No, not really, well I go in the second exercise, possibly I do" You smiled as you watched your operations with inner pride.

"Can I see?"He extended his hand to give him the leaves you had carried until then. You gave them to him, just hoping he'd tell you you had everything terribly wrong.

As he watched your leaves you watched him, he was quite attractive now that you saw him without fear that he would not let you into class, his hair was dark and apparently a lover of black to wear, his eyes were cute and quite tender while they examined your answers.

"Go on, I don't want to confuse you” He put the paper sheets on the desk and saw you with a small smile on your lips as a sign that you were on the right track.

Just 10 minutes before the class ended you finished all three exercises, you had only asked him one question and it was about whether it was a 4 or a 9 in a formula that wrote the board, so you felt pretty happy that you did it alone.

"Ready" You smiled broadly, you were the first to finish and the only one who had done it alone.

"Are you sure?”

"Yeah, well, I hope it's not a 0 at the end of the day,” you laughed to yourself, and in the end you wondered if you had thought about it or said it.

”Then let's see " took his pen and began to review your work. You froze when you saw that he framed something in your results, but he didn't tell you anything. "Well, I really didn't expect less from the winner of last year's science fair, maybe punctuality, but what does it matter”

You smiled when you saw that your grade was an A, only that he kept the papers, apparently he had to register them on his lists or something. Just as you were about to get up to leave, he asked you to stay at the end of class.

You sat back in the seats vacated by the peers that have already gone, but for a second, remembered what you said I didn't expected less from the winner of the science fair last year, he remembered you, you know that he remembered you, sonreíste for yourself when thinking that.

When the whole room was half empty, he started putting away his things. ”Come with me, " he said as he walked out with a firm and fast pace, so much so that you had to walk faster than normal. You wondered where they were going, it was pretty strange since you'd never been through the labs where it went.

“I've noticed that you're pretty good in the area, actually amazing, I even remember your answers about your prototype against the fourth year kid, former student of mine, you were much better than his” he opened the door of one of the labs and with his arm gave you a signal to enter.

“Thank you, I actually always dreamed of doing this, " you said as you walked into the lab, quite big, you assumed they were the ones that grad boys used.

"I want to propose you something” You sat at one of the practice tables and he leaned with both hands on his desk. "Would you like to work with me on a project I have?, is related to thermodynamics”

For a second you saw him with an expression of if he was joking with you or if he was serious and he seemed to read your mind.

"It's seriously, I'm working on a model related to the second law" he approached you sitting in the chair in front of yours.

"I would love to then, but I do not know how I could be of help”

"In many things" he smiled

For a moment you wondered why suddenly the man who seemed bitter about life was being so kind to you.

“You do not have to tell me your answer now, I will send you the files I have of my progress by mail if you like and you could think about it”

"Sure, I will" You smiled and he too, for a moment everything was silent, somewhat uncomfortable to be honest but his look no longer caused you fear, but somehow attracted you to him.

It was quite strange because they both got up at the same time so you were right next to him and his height difference was no small one.

"Well I think I have to go, I'll see you the next class”

"Wait, I wanted to give you something that I kept here," he went to the back cellar of the lab and came back with a bun that said first place. "I'm sorry, I was supposed to give it to you that day you won, but I honestly didn't remember where I left it, so this belongs to you.”

When you saw the bun with your name on it, you were very happy. "I thought they didn't give anything," you laughed as you put it in your backpack.

"Yeah, excuse me, I tend to be a little clueless about those things.”

"No problem," you smiled and shyly walked out of the room.

The weekend you started to question why Professor Hiddleston made you feel so nervous, now you knew that you were one of his star students, to the degree that you could be his future colleague, but why couldn't you even hold his gaze? you know, for a moment you thought about flatly refusing his project if you couldn't even see it in the eyes, but after you thought about it, you figured it would possibly be a good idea, you could even learn more things by being his apprentice.

It was Monday's class, you didn't know why, but you were in the lab on Friday, apparently you were doing an experiment on the tables with some microscopes on. ”You did it " There was Professor Hiddleston next to you, his command was on your waist and suddenly he began to approach you to kiss you on the lips and it was even stranger because it was quite nice for you, to reciprocate.

Right then you woke up, you're fucking in love with your thermodynamics professor, "Excellent Y / N, that's all that was missing."

Monday's class didn't even look him in the eye and you sat up to the top rows, you felt pretty uncomfortable with yourself thinking of a teacher that way.

"Y / N wait" Just when class ended you rushed to pack your things and run out of the classroom, but it still didn't work. "Did you think about what I told you?"The professor actually looked pretty excited about his own project.

"Yes, I just wondered if the meetings or the times we work could be on Fridays, that would make things a lot easier for me" You said without seeing the professor in the eyes, it was somewhat uncomfortable after that strange dream of the weekend.

"Sure, then it's a deal,” he held out his hand as if they were going to close the deal with a strong squeeze.

"Deal" You shook his hand and when you saw him you felt that his look was not only kind, but he was actually trying to tell you something.

The classes went on normally, you felt a little excited being sincere that you went to work with the professor who was now at the same time your impossible love, but you had to be careful for him not to notice. They agreed to meet after your last class at the lab on Fridays, at 15:00 hours. You knew it wasn't right, but from the moment you were attracted to the professor every time you saw him, you started using lip gloss and curling your hair.

For several weeks they worked on their project, now you understood their sudden mood swings, it was quite frustrating to feel that you had advanced in something and then realized that something did not fit with the rest of the procedure.

One Friday when you arrived he was making notes on the blackboard, had taken off his coat and tie and folded the sleeves of his shirt in a way that looked spectacularly attractive.

"Y / N pass," he smiled when he saw you in the driveway. "Did you read the documents I sent you?"On Wednesday he sent you a very interesting document about some theories related to the project.

"Yes, I just made some notes from some parts that I honestly didn't understand" You left your backpack in one of the buckets at the ends of the room " I'm not very good at some things”

"Neither do I, but don't worry,” he winked at you and you felt like you were melting internally.

For an hour they tried to solve one of the most difficult equations within the theory they chose, it was quite fun as sometimes you would collapse and sometimes he, but both tried to cheer up so as not to erase the whole slate of despair.

”Ready," you said when you finally managed to solve the equation.

”You did it!" saw the board quite surprised and so did you. "Your boyfriend is lucky" For a second he himself kept quiet knowing that the last thing he said wasn't quite right.

"Boyfriend? that species is extinct within my social radar" You laughed trying to keep him from feeling uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." He saw you trying to analyze your expression.

"Well sometimes the unconscious makes us a bad move" You smiled broadly "besides I guess the lucky one is his girlfriend" you returned the same move trying to tempt the ground.

"It's also an extinct species to me," he smiled, but he avoid your gaze.

"Well, then we're free to go looking for it.”

"I thought you had a boyfriend," he said as he started writing the equation on the board on the computer.

"Why?"you sat at the desk, watching him write on the computer quite nervous.

"Nothing else" You knew he was lying to you.

"Nothing else?”

"Well you're a very cute and smart girl, I figured a lot of guys are interested in you.” He didn't even look you in the eye when he said that.

”I'm not really interested in anyone" You saw through the window as you answered" well, only in someone, but it's impossible” Oh God, now the unconscious had made the wrong move to you talking too much.

”Nothing is impossible" he looked up and seemed to know what you meant.

"Well, it's just that if I just had a sign I could know it's not impossible" You started fiddling with your wrist bracelet nervously.

"How what a sign?" he stopped writing and stood right in front of you, you were still sitting at the desk.

"I don't know" You felt the adrenaline start to accelerate your pulse as it approached you.

"A date, a kiss, or even invite you to work on a project?" He placed his hands on the edge of the desk rubbing your legs.

”Yes, that sounds good " Clearly you knew what he meant, his look and yours were fixed, you appreciated that the door was closed and it was the third level, the windows were facing nowhere, so no one could see what was happening.

"Well sometimes it is necessary that you also give signals, don't you think?" His gaze and yours really seemed to be completely fixed.

"Yeah, that sounds fair." You started breathing deeper.

Slowly, he tempting the ground, began to approach, for a moment you knew that this was not right, that it was not right, but fuck, your body wanted it as you have no idea. Slowly he started to kiss you, he was nice and actually a very good kisser, then he started to get a little rougher, but both you and he knew you wanted him, his arm held your hip and your hands hugged his neck holding on to him.

"Dr. Hiddleston, I bring the copies you ordered." Someone knocked on the door and immediately the feeling of running out overwhelmed you.

"Sure, I'm coming" saw you and he wiped the lip gloss you had left on him. You packed your stuff fast and when I was going to close the door again you walked out without seeing him in the face.

"Until Monday" You started walking fast.

"Y / N wait" was the last thing you heard when you started going down the stairs two at a time.

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You, Diane and Jared planned to go out that weekend, you weren't feeling well, but you also didn't want to leave them after you had planned this for days.

"Hey, you look pale," Jared saw you worried as they waited for food at the mall.

"Do you feel well Y/N?" Diane picked up a lock of your hair as you looked at nothingness.

”I'm a little worried," you said looking at the table now  "Can I ask for some advice?”

”You know you can Y/N" Jared saw you even more worried.

"What should I do if I like someone I shouldn't like?" Dress up Jared.

"Does he have a girlfriend or is he a fuck boy?" Diane asked pretty quickly.

"None, it's just...”

”Then I see no reason why you shouldn't like it."

”It's not that, but, he's like, I don't know how to say this" You didn't want to tell them that he was your thermodynamics professor, you would never actually do it. "I met him some time ago in the cinema, he's cute and kind to me, but he's older than me” you lied a little about it.

"How much are we talking about?”

"14 years, I think" you've never actually asked him about his age, but on one occasion while you were typing on his computer you saw his college professor card that had all his data on it by the way.

”Look at that, my best friend a whole league men" Diane actually got excited, started asking you what he was like and if you had already had something with him which was pretty strange, but Jared's expression wasn't really emotional.

"I can only tell you to be very careful Y/N" Jared took your hand " Do not let the pretty words lead you down a path other than the one you seek. And well, if he like you and you like him, I see no problem”

The weekend you thought about the kiss his gave, it was quite nice really nice, you had only had three boyfriends before and honestly their kiss had been better than all the previous ones. The problem was what were you going to do on Monday when you see him? Well that day you decided to wear a pink dress that your mother given you at Christmas, you never wore this type of clothes so it was going to be something quite new, you combed your hair differently even, you knew that if you were at least going to talk to him and he told you that it was a mistake he would miss something great.

Your legs started shaking when you walked into the classsroom, you sat as usual in the third row, Tom wasn't there yet, so that calmed you down a little more. You noticed that in this class you had not made friends, so to avoid the panic of seeing him in the eyes when he entered in the classroom you preferred to start talking to the girl who always sat next to you.

"He took a while, didn't it?" you smiled so you didn't look crazy.

"Yes something, but for me no problem" the girl smiled as well

"My name is Y / N, and you?”

"Meghan, you're going with the teacher Fox in relativity, aren't you?”

"Yeah, you too?”

"No but my boyfriend does, I've seen you come out of there when I expect it”

"Well, I don't really know many people.”

"Well, college is exhausting," they both smiled, actually Meghan seemed like a pretty nice girl.

"Speaking of the king of Rome, he's arrive." When she said that and you heard the door shut, fear invaded you, so you didn't look at him. You just focused on your computer monitor, but you knew he saw you.

The class felt as if it had lasted 20 minutes and not an hour and a half, the desire to leave was enough.

"Hey if you want we could have breakfast together today, apparently you don't have class now either, do you?" Meghan waited for you to put your things away.

"Of course I would love to and no, I don't have class” You fully appreciated that Meghan will not leave you in the classroom, without looking at Tom you went out with your new friend, you felt that had been a bit cruel, but the nerves were worse.

At the end of the day you didn't do anything about it and neither did Wednesday and apparently Tom wasn't interested in asking you to stay and talk either, or so it seemed.

On Friday you returned to the usual routine with the usual clothes and hairstyle, honestly you no longer felt in the mood to waste time on those things. The class went on normally until at one point you crossed eyes with him, it was a bit strange, but you pretended you didn't care and ignored him after a few seconds. At the same time in the classes you talked with Meghan, even going out to eat the cafeteria.

"Y/N can we talk for a second?"Back to being alone with him in the classroom at the end, Meghan said goodbye and whispered you in your ear that she will waiting for you in the cafeteria.

"Hey I didn't want to overdo you, let alone bother you, I apologize for it and also if you no longer want to work on the project I will fully understand it” His face seemed that he was really sorry about last week.

"I really don't know what to say." You were completely honest.

"I'm sorry I should have known that you're not interested in me at all and it's okay”

"I never said I wasn't interested”

He calmly checked the hallway and closed the classroom door

"You ran away, that tells me otherwise”

"Yes, but that's was I panicked, I didn't want to bother you”

"For God's sake, that doesn't matter anymore.”

"It does matter and quite”

"You want to talk about this then?”

"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner”

"So am I, excuse me too” he hesitated for a second when he finally asked," Do you want to continue with the project?”

"Of course I do" You got a little closer to him.

"See you at 15: 00 then" He too approached and carefully kissed your hand to leave the classroom.

This time you arrived early, your teacher had let them out forty minutes earlier, so you decided to be somewhat punctual to your appointment. You read while you waited sitting on the chairs in the hallway, when you saw him come you smiled and he when saw you, smiled too.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think you were going to arrive so early” he closed the door carefully and just as he turned around you gave him a pretty long kiss and he reciprocated broadly.

"I'm sorry" You saw that he was actually happy about it "I think last time we couldn't finish it"

He held your face in his hands for a few seconds "I like you Y/N, I know what's not right, I know this not right, but fuck, I like you a lot”

”And you me" He kissed you again, this time a little rough, it seemed that he wanted to make his statement clear. ”I really wanted to kiss you in front of everybody on Monday in that cute dress."

"If you like it I can bring it more days," you winked.

After that day working on the project was much more fun, and even in the classes they shared gazes from time to time, it felt good, had passed enough time that you did not date someone. On the other hand, sometimes fear invaded you, you knew that if anyone found out about whatever it was you and Tom had, it was the end of your scholarship and even your college life.

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"Do you like lobster?"He asked you while making notes on the computer and you cleaned the board.

"I've never eaten it"

“What? How can you live without eating lobster in your life?" He came up to you and, holding you by the waist, turned you towards him.

"Well, we're not all millionaires so I can't buy lobster." You inadvertently smeared chalk in his hair when you touched him.

"Then I'll buy you lobster dinner. What do you say?" He caressed your face as he waited for your answer

"Mmmm, when?”

"Tomorrow, I'd wait a few blocks from here, you don't want anyone to see you getting in my car, do you?”

"I'd love for them to, but yes, send me the instructions and I'll see you there then.”

"Why would you love it?"He kissed your neck calmly.

"That they might see that you are mine" You smiled mockingly.

"Well, I mean you're mine too, so it would be a fair deal.”

For weeks now both were texting, it was interesting to see that teachers also have a life apart from teaching.

You dressed up, not so formal or so casual for the occasion, it was the first date you had, it felt a little strange, you wore on a low-cut black dress, something daring for your tastes, but it was the most suitable thing you found. When you arrived at the rendezvous point, you immediately identified his car.

“I can't believe how perfect you are, " he gave you a sweet kiss while you fixed your skirt so it wouldn't wrinkle. He came as always very formal.

The dinner was perfect, you did not know that the lobster tasted that way, you liked it a lot, the place was beautiful, the waiters very attentive and well, talking with Tom about things that were not thermodynamics was pleasant. In the end he invited you to his apartment, which you sincerely hoped was not just with the intention of kissing you.

When they arrived his apartment looked like a palace, it was very nice, very cozy, his kitchen was comfortable enough to cook anything, your apartment was too small for a kitchen like him.

He told you that he should make some calls, that you could explore the house if you wanted and you took his word, it was very nice place, in the hallway to the bedroom had his medals and recognitions, you did not know that he studied chemistry too, he's a genius. When you finished walking, you looked in the fridge for something to drink.

"Want some wine?"Because of its height it was much easier to reach the shelves above where it seemed to have the bottles of wine.

”I would love to"

He served two glasses in half, it was red wine with a very good smell, you knew it because your father was a wine lover, so much so that he had even taken you to vineyards to see how they did it.

"May I?"You asked, pointing out if you could play something on the record player in the room.

“Clear”

When yo put the pen on the record a fairly quiet song began to play, he took the cup out of your hand and put it on the ledge next to his, placed his hand on your waist and with the other he held your hand, you placed yours on his neck.

“Would you laugh if I told you it's the first time I've danced with someone? well, that someone who is not my father invites me to dance”

"Really?”

"Yeah, well I had a boyfriend that I took out to dance, that's why it doesn't count,” you laughed as you remembered that.

"Well, what an idiot, you are beautiful Y/N and I will dance with you as many times as possible”

You felt a lot of peace in his arms, he was much stronger than you, that was clear, but even just seeing him in the eyes you felt that everything was going to be okay. You weren't very good at dancing, but he gave you the confidence to even make a mistake.

For a moment he began to kiss you slowly, slowly while the music echoed to both of us, then he began to kiss your neck which in a way tickled you, but at the same time made you want it with all your soul. After a few seconds as his hands ran through your hips and yours his hair whispered into his ear: "Take me to the bedroom" you stared at him and he understood completely.

He carried you so easily that it seemed that you did not weigh anything, carefully put you in bed and wait for you reaction.

"For God's sake, I want to make you mine from the moment I saw you at that fucking science fair contest.”

"Well now is your time" You bit your lip slightly.

He knew you were too small in comparison to him, so he was very careful when touch you, first he started by your dress, very slowly unbuttoning it. He look you in your underwear the moment he managed to take it off you. On the other hand, you, in a somewhat desperate way, started to take off his belt.

"No, until I say so" Their gaze turned a bit dark, they could see the desire for each other in your eyes.

He started kissing your crotch carefully, you moaned slightly, you had no intimate contact with anyone for a long time, so you somehow didn't remember how glorious this feels. He kept kissing getting closer to your entrance, the heat began to flood your body, after walking your thighs he began to lick your entrance a little desperate, but at the same time touching the exact points to make you see stars. He put two fingers inside you and immediately your back curled, when he entered the third in you pulled his hair as you began to feel the heat in your stomach increase more and more.

”Tom, please, I'm almost there" you moaned as your eyesight began to blur completely.

His fingers began to move faster and for an instant you felt like the heat flooded your whole body, it was the first time that someone managed to make you come with oral sex. You pulled his hair back, but it didn't seem to bother him, even taking it as a way to know where or not to continue. Your legs clenched at the feeling and he proudly began to undress. When you saw it you felt that you really needed to have he inside you, his axis was quite large, more than you imagined and its well worked body made you feel needed.

"Fuck me like there's no tomorrow," you whispered as you recovered from the first round.

You felt the desire going between your legs, again you were so wet just to imagine he inside you.

"You know that if I hurt you or if you want me to stop I will do it immediately” He placed on you and spread your legs with his knee.

You just nodded, he was staring at you as he began to insert his shaft into you, it hurt a bit, tears started running down your cheeks and Tom's face looked worried, "Do you want me to stop?”

"No!" To drown the groans you hid your face on his shoulder as he began to take a rhythm in his onslaught, at one point the pain ceased and he took a stronger rhythm, one after another, you felt as your body began to attach quite well to its axis, to the degree that you glued more your hips to his, demanding more. When he noticed it one of his hands took the headboard and with the other placed one of your legs on his shoulder to give you what you needed. At some point he also started moaning, loud and deep, which made you feel even more excited in the middle of it all.

”Fuck, why are you so perfect?" he whispered into your ear as you began to feel your orgasm was about to bloom.

"Make me yours, only yours" you moaned almost without strength.

"You are only mine" His onslaught, although it seemed that you could not, began to be faster and deeper, you knew that sitting was going to be a challenge for you in the following days.

To drown your groans he gave you a very deep kiss, his tongue did all the work in the kiss, honestly for you it was a sea of sensations that would end you unconscious of pleasure. Just as they both reached the climax he saw you in the eyes and felt you fade away in sobs and moans.

”I'm almost there" he said as he clung even more to you and your legs began to close with pleasure.

"Me too" Didn't know if you understood what you meant, but at least you were trying.

"Let me feel you" His words were your release and his, you felt the heat of his seed inside you and it was enough for your orgasm to reach the necessary point of feeling a deep warmth throughout your body. The veins on her neck were too marked and you could also feel her breathing so heavy as she enjoyed her release.

He was over you for several minutes, the only thing you could hear in the room was his busy, deep breaths. You hugged him fondly and he hugged you, when he came out of you you felt a pretty weird void, but fuck, it was the best sex you'd ever had in your life.

After his breaths managed to take a moderate course he saw you in the eyes as he groomed your hair carefully.

”I didn't want to be too brusque the first time" His hand caressed your stomach, internally you told yourself that if this was not brusque you didn't imagine the next time how sore you would end up, but it's something that really excited you, in every way.

"We'll have many more times to do it" You smiled and planted a kiss on his lips. "Many more" smiled in the middle of the kiss which made you adore him even more.

Thanks for readign me 

[dongofthewolf]

When You’re Lost in the Darkness, Look for the Light- Chapter 2

Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader

Read chapter 1 here !

After your night with Abby you head down to the cafeteria again to grab some food, still convinced it was all a dream. It’s not until you recognize a familiar face from across the room that you realize it was real, and this time she’s not alone.

Warnings: mild violence, swearing, fluff, just a lot of gay panic tbh

The new chapter is finally here !! All the positive comments on the first one made me so happy so THANK YOU for those :))

BTW that gif of Abby... both eyes open no blink (O_O)

When you woke from your slumber you were almost positive that your encounter with Abby was merely a dream or a figment of your imagination. It was the first time since moving to the base that you hadn’t woken up in a cold sweat; nightmares filled with the echoes of clickers and that piercing sound of ammo clattering on the floor was not an uncommon occurrence. After spending those two dreadful days trapped in a bunker with nothing but a pocket knife and a small handgun, a good night's sleep was something you no longer expected. You shivered as you recalled that dark, cold, concrete room you had barricaded yourself in, awaiting your death with no food, water, or supplies of any kind. It wasn’t until you heard the crashing of pipe bombs in the above levels that you snapped out of your weakened state. The WLF had on a whim decided to clear the building you were hiding out in and saved you. Your rescue was a complete stroke of luck and you weren’t sure whether to be incredibly grateful or afraid for it.

Still groggy from your sleep, you hadn’t even realized the small piece of paper that had been slipped under your door. It was from a page in a notebook that had been ripped out, and on it was a small message in neat, military handwriting: “Had a lot of fun last night :) - A”.

“So it was real!” You thought. That absolute tank of a woman wasn’t just a product of a sleep deprived trip to the communal cafeteria; she was real and every fibre of your being hoped she had enjoyed last night as much as you did.

You neatly tucked the note into your copy of Pride and Prejudice before getting ready for the day (or more like afternoon since you had slept in). After brushing your teeth and washing your face, you slipped on your military issued combat boots and a light sweatshirt before leaving your dorm. 

It was still raining outside but luckily the WLF base wasn’t too chilly. Even when it snowed they always managed to maintain some modicum of heat, it seemed as though the wolves could always find ways around the pesky inconveniences of living in a post-apocalyptic world. You never really questioned it though and you knew better than to doubt Isaac’s methods. It’s not like you’ve actually met him or anything, but the stories that you had heard were enough to send a chill down your spine, and you knew that even if you did ask questions it’s not like anyone would answer them anyways.

Fortunately you hadn’t slept in past lunch because you were absolutely starving, so starving that even the shitty WLF base food was starting to smell like heaven. As you made your way into the cafeteria that was teeming with life, there was only one thing on your mind: devouring those damn burritos. Once you finally got some food you quickly sat down to demolish it, amazed at how so much happiness could be contained within the confines of a single bland tortilla and completely oblivious to the staring of a familiar pair of blue eyes from across the crowded room.

“Just talk to her already.” Manny said in a teasing tone.

Abby quickly snapped out of it “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”. 

Of course Abby knew what he was talking about; in your rush to completely annihilate those burritos you had failed to notice Abby sitting at a table a few feet away. Abby couldn’t explain it but her heart was racing, the same way it would if she were in combat with a hoard or some Scars. 

Manny rolled his eyes “Dude I’m not blind, you’ve been staring at her ever since she sat down. So who is she?”. He relished at the sight of Abby’s nervousness, he hadn’t seen her like this since back when she was still dating Owen.

“Huh? No hablo inglés.” Abby said sarcastically trying to get Manny off her back.

“Fine, I guess I’ll have to ask her myself.” Manny started to get up when Abby kicked his shins from under the table. Manny yelped in pain “Dude! What the hell?”.

“I will literally clock you in the face, sit your ass down right now.” Abby quickly glanced around the room to make sure no one noticed Manny writhing in pain. 

Manny chuckled then smiled that classic smug grin while he gripped his definitely-bruised shins “I knew it, someone’s got a crush.”.

“God you’re annoying, I should’ve let that clicker eat you last week.” Abby said in an annoyed tone as she fell back against her chair. Abby felt a tinge of remorse for kicking Manny like that, she knew that Manny probably wouldn’t have actually walked up to you; but she couldn’t have risked it. Abby looked up and noticed Manny’s expression had changed, afraid she overstepped with that last statement Abby was just about to apologize when Manny started.

“What the fuck Abby?! Why didn’t you tell me about this girl, you know I’m the best wing-man.” Manny was suddenly very intrigued, Abby had always been very secretive when it came to her love life so Manny jumped at the opportunity to become her certified dating coach. Plus, not only did Manny have his fair share of experience with women, he also just really wanted to see Abby less lonely. After Owen and Mel started dating along with Leah and Jordan, Abby was stuck constantly third-wheeling the entire group; Manny didn’t think she minded that much, but sometimes it hurt his heart to see her all alone.

“There’s nothing to talk about Manny, we’re just friends.” Abby replied reluctantly, not completely believing her own words. It’s not like you guys were dating, but it felt like a disservice to call what you guys had a “friendship”. The word itself didn’t accurately encapsulate enough meaning for her and despite the fact she was a voracious reader, Abby just couldn’t come up with a word for what you two had.

“If you’re friends, then just go up and talk to her.”  Manny knew Abby, and he knew that she always needed a push if he wanted to get anything out of her.

“I can’t… I just can’t. I’m not like you, okay?” Abby was conflicted, waves of doubt started to roll in the more she thought about it. She didn’t want to consider the possibility that maybe you didn’t want to talk to her; that maybe you were just being nice last night and didn’t actually like her, or maybe even that you saw her when you came in and decided to ignore her on purpose. 

Obviously Abby was freaking out for no reason, but those small anxious bits of uncertainty that crept in from the back of her mind made her shield of confidence feel tenuous and weak; something she despised.

Manny knew what Abby meant but being the smug little shit he is, he wanted to hear her say it out loud “What do you mean?”.

Abby sighed, “Don’t make me say it.”.

“No, no I really want to hear it.” Manny smiled that famous shit-eating grin, the one he used whenever Abby had to admit he was right.

Abby realized he wasn’t letting go of this “Ugh you know, you can… talk to people.”. Abby could tell by Manny’s face that he wasn’t satisfied with her answer, so not wanting to risk the possibility that he’ll stand up again Abby gave him a look of defeat “and I guess you’re charming or whatever.”.

“Ah! Música para mis oídos.” Manny smiled proudly, hearing Abby compliment him was almost as rare as seeing her without that signature braid. Just as Manny was getting ready to haul Abby’s ass to your table he looked over and realized that you had disappeared, it wasn’t until Abby kicked his shins again that he realized you were standing right there.

You were elbow deep in your third burrito before your dumbass realized that Abby was sitting a couple tables across from yours. “Shit!” You thought, how long had she been sitting there? Did she notice you? No, probably not… unless, what if she was so disgusted by you huffing down those burritos that she ignored you? Ugh! How could you not have noticed her?

You calmly set your burrito down, wiping your face and praying to God there wasn’t anything stuck in your teeth. You figured that Abby probably hadn’t noticed you so you decided to just bite the bullet and talk to her. As you stood up from your seat to make your way over to her table, you quietly whispered to yourself “Come on y/n, don’t be a pussy.”.

“Hey Abby.” She was sitting with a man who you assumed was the friend that she had transferred here with, she mentioned his name last night but you couldn’t place it. He suddenly jerked around to face you with a calm smile on his face, his rugged features and charming personality now making it clear as to why Abby complained about being kicked out of her own room so many nights. Even though you weren’t attracted to him, you understood what all the fuss was about.

“Hey Y/N, I didn’t even see you there.” As soon as the words came out Abby shot Manny a look, the kind of look that meant “don’t say a fucking word.”. However, of course Manny being… well Manny, he grinned and raised his hand to shake yours.

“I’m Manny.” His smile was warm and welcoming as he shook your hand “Please, sit down sit down. Tell me all about yourself.”.

You took a seat next to Abby, your knees just barely grazing each other due to the shortage of space at the table. Even though it was such a small form of contact, you couldn’t help but feel like there was an electric charge connecting you together. You wondered if she even noticed the gesture, if Abby could hear your heart daring to beat out of your chest; if she noticed that small gap between your hands on the table, or if she even noticed the small clandestine looks you were sending her the whole time.

Abby froze stiff as a board when you sat down next to her, and she did her best to maintain her composure when she felt your knee graze hers from beneath the table. This was the closest you two had been and now she could really see the details of your face and your actions; how you pushed a strand of hair behind your ear whenever you were nervous, or how you snorted when Manny thought “Little Women” was just about really tiny people. She noticed how bright your smile was, how it was the kind of smile that could instantly light up an entire room, and she was astonished because Abby finally understood the real meaning of that one Firefly quote about “looking for the light”. Abby realized that no matter what, she would follow you to the ends of the Earth. You were this bright and unexpected light that suddenly entered her life, you weakened her defences and made her feel like a ball of putty, and while one part of her detested that feeling, another part of her never wanted to part with it.

You explained to them how you had been rescued by the WLF and how you were a pretty skilled mechanic. You even told them about how although you loved your job, you desperately wanted to work in the library, because other than the fact that you wouldn’t be covered in grease at the end of every day, you’d also be surrounded by things you love. 

The two told you about the “Salt Lake Crew” and how they were essentially Isaac’s top soldiers. It was a fact that left you with about a hundred questions, but you figured it wasn’t the right time to bring up their boss so you tried your best to brush it off. The three of you sat at that table talking for what felt like forever before the cafeteria staff kicked you guys out because they had to clean up. 

As they both walked you to your room you were so incredibly excited. You had spent so many months at this boring outpost, spending most of your time reading or crying. Then Abby happened; she came into your life and suddenly you weren’t alone anymore. You were so insanely grateful for this newfound happiness that you just wanted to leap into those insanely strong arms. 

Just as the two were about to leave Abby grabbed your hand and leaned down to your height so she could quietly talk to you, “Hey Y/N, can I ask you something?”.

You were so dumbfounded by her hand holding yours that you nearly passed out, you tried to form words but all you could manage was a small nod.

Abby smiled as she stood up and looked to Manny “Hey, you can go ahead I’ll catch up. I just need to talk to Y/N for a quick sec.”. 

Manny immediately got the signal and grinned so wide Abby thought his face would freeze like that, Abby knew she was never going to hear the end of this, but she couldn’t really be bothered to care with your hand in hers.

Then Manny was gone, and it was just you and Abby. Her hand was still holding yours and you couldn’t help but notice all the details of them; how she had these small calluses on the palms of her hands, formed from years of wielding firearms and lifting weights. You realized how much damage she could do with them—how much damage she had done with them—but instead she stood there softly cradling your hand in hers, just lightly squeezing it before she looked at you with those same pools of blue you wanted desperately to drown in.

“Hey so I know we kind of just met last night, but I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you and…” Abby paused to contemplate her words before starting again “and I was wondering if we could do this more often. I’m doing some work for Isaac tomorrow but I’ll be back later if you wanted to come by and watch a movie or something?”.

“Holy shit!” You thought “Did Abby just ask me out on a date?”. You couldn’t believe it, there was no way this absolutely fucking perfect girl just asked you on a date. You almost wanted to pinch yourself because nothing about this felt real, it wasn’t until you snapped back to reality that you realized you had been staring at Abby in absolute silence while she stood there waiting for an answer.

You quickly answered “Absolutely, I would love to come over and watch a movie.” Your heart was pounding dangerously fast against your ribcage and your face was completely flushed as you gave her a reassuring smile.

Abby sighed with relief and lightly squeezed your hand “Great! I’m in the room across from the gym, does eight o-clock work?”. Abby felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, at first when Y/N didn’t say anything, she was afraid she had misread the situation and crossed the line.

“I’ll see you then.” As you started heading back to your room, you suddenly remembered something “Hey Abby!” She looked back with curiosity as you shot her a small smirk “Thanks for the note.”. 

Abby smiled shyly “I’ll see you tomorrow Y/N.”

—

Read the next chapter here

[fa-by]

Hello babies and dear Anons 👋🏼🤗 I'm back with a new ‘Q&A’ post. Sorry, it took me longer than usual. I'll explain to you at the end of the post. For now, enjoy 🙃

I've already talked about it here, dear Anon, https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648194553804881920/%C9%9F (first question) and then here https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648194746313031680/%C9%9F (fifth question).

And who said I think Camila is a lesbian, dear? 😏 Maybe you mistaken me for some other blog? Because, I've never said that, dear. I've never been asked about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

You must be new to my blog if you're asking me this question, dear Anon. Welcome 🤗 and my answer is no, dear. Neither of them has ever cheated on the other. They're both way too loyal for that shit.

No, dear Anon. And always keep in mind that this is just my opinion and that therefore I could be wrong.

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 First of all, thank you 🥺🥰 Thank you very much for your words, dear, you're super nice and I really appreciated it very much 🤗

As for stuck, we didn't fight or anything like that. I guess we just drifted apart 🤷🏻‍♀‍ even before she entered the Marvel world, but I can't tell you why she never liked and re-blogged my posts, dear 🤷🏻‍♀️

Let's call it my flaw if you want, but I don't like any posts myself (not even my girlfriend's), but that doesn't mean I don't like many posts I see. It's just the way I am 😅 I leave comments every now and then though 😅 And neither does it mean I wouldn't like to interact with you guys if you ever want to contact me or tag me or get me involved in something. It may not seem like it maybe because I don't re-blog and put likes around, but trust me, it's not like that.

Going back to stuck, I really can't tell you why. I mean, I'm not her so I can't answer you. Maybe you should ask her directly, dear. @stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland​

I hope you have a very nice day too, dear Anon. Thank you so much again, and please, be sure to take care of yourself too 😘

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and don't thank me, dear 🙈 It's really a pleasure for me to interact with you guys and help you in any way I can 😊

So. Yeah, I think what you think, dear. Mila was definitely the one to make the first move, but as far as putting aside pride and the decision to give it another try, it was something they both did because they each had their own reasons. Remember, dear, there are two people in a couple.

Hey dear sneaky little one 👋🏼😄 I'm good. How are you? It's a pleasure, dear, you don't have to thank me for that 😊

I'm not sharing them with you guys yet just because they're personal observations that not everyone can agree on and, as you may have noticed, I like to tell you guys what I think with real facts that I can prove. In this case, it would be like in this picture:

I hope that with this example you understand better what I mean, dear sneaky little one. Come back any time you want and take care of yourself too 🤗😘

Hey dear Anon, why are you so down? 😟 Don't be 🤗 I know it's hard to think positively about them, but think about everything we've endured so far. Think about how strong we are. Whatever's thrown at us, it won't change our minds because we know the truth. Now, come on, dear, smile 😁 Enjoy the small wins instead of having them ruined for you by the possible eventuality of them doing something. And remember, we're in this together 💪🏼

I swear to you that when I saw it, I was like 📢🔊 Your loving takes me higher 🎵 You set my heart on fire🎵 When you touch my body got me singing like Mariah!!!! 🎵🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄

1) No, dear, you can't force something on someone who agreed to do things like this in the first place. I'll explain better. PRs are accepted by those directly involved, who then sign a contract. It's a commitment they're bound to respect from the moment they have accepted and signed the contract. If they don't respect it, they then have to pay the consequences (if you’re interested, I wrote a post about how PR relationships work here: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648193061847023616/pr-stunt-relationships-%C9%9F). I'll give you a silly example. Think of it as when one day you didn't want to go to school but you had to go anyway. It's pretty much the same dynamic because even if you didn't want to go that day, or several days, you knew you had to and you did. I hope it went well as an example 😆

2) Yes, but which of the two teams, well, that depends, dear. It depends on who's reaching whom and where. It depends on whether they're traveling together or not. And it depends on the purpose of that particular stunt, like if is some particular event or not.

3) No, dear, absolutely not, don't worry 🤣 Everyone has their own room. The rooms are very likely to be close together though, or at least on the same floor, that's for sure.

4) Yes, when possible, of course. The more people see the couple doing everything together, the more believable they seem.

Don't thank me, dear, it's really a pleasure 😊 Have a good day too ❤️

Not necessarily, dear Anon. Mila started work on her third album during the pandemic in her studio, so no one had to pay for her. Besides, when a contract expires and there's a re-sign, it doesn’t necessarily mean that an announcement will be made about it since the record label is still the same. Announcements are made if there's some kind of important addition, such as for example happened with 5H when they had to re-sign as a quartet for legal reasons with Syco/Epic, and it was only announced because of the addition of a contract with Sony Music as the sponsor for their last album.

Having said that: 1) Since her movie has been postponed again, I would say in 2022. 2) I really hope not because they would be really stupid to do it again. Plus, I don't think the PR will last until the released of her album. 3) I have to admit you made me giggle here, but no, dear 😂 don't worry. Producers, composers, songwriters, etc., work with a lot of different artists who have different styles. Mila’s nothing like Chimp, and she can’t do anything boring. It isn't in her blood. No pun intended at all there 😏🤣

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and you got it right, buddy! We think the same way!

They had gotten to a really bad point in their relationship. A point where they were no longer themselves, either in the couple or individually. For me, what happens in the Havana music video is what happened in reality as well. It was obviously told in an artistic and funny way there. Like the scene of Juan literally ‘coming out of the closet for her’ because he thought it was the best thing for their relationship. In that scene, he gets down on his knees to ask her to marry him, but in reality, at least for me, it represents December. It represents the ‘begging’ in a disguised and artistic soap opera way. It represents Lauren's last attempt to make things work between them. Which is related to the “You love me”, “I do love you. But I love me more” scene in which Camila leaves everything behind. And if you think about it, we can also find this connection somewhere else: 🎶 “Nobody talks about walking away when there's still love” 🎶. Always Love by Laur. Luckily, at the end of the video, she really is ‘took back to her Havana’ as it also happened in reality.

It's all connected, dear. There's a connection and an explanation for everything they do artistically. Just pay attention and you'll be able to connect the dots like you did in this case too. Give me a virtual high-five! 🖐🏼 And have a good day too, dear Anon ❤️

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Thank you very much, dear, and don't worry, I've been never asked that. So. Before answering your questions, let's take a look at the facts, okay? Especially for the baby Camren shippers.

Leilani is Dinah's aunt by marriage. She has always interacted with fans and we saw her in several videos even with Dinah herself, but the first time she showed herself to us as problematic was on July 18, 2016. Leilani tweeted an attack on Taylor Swift and apologized the next day by saying of having been hacked:

Yeah, suuure, because hackers around the world were waiting for nothing but hacking her 🙄 But let's move on. September 8, 2016, was the day Laur cried several times during the concert in Phoenix, Arizona. The next day, on the 9th, before the concert in Irvine, California, Laur tweeted to thank the concerned fans, and Leilani replied to the tweet by exposing L because of the ‘her’:

On December 21st, 2016, she did a live where she talked about Camren after fans asked her about it: https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qvandqF63c1ykfr3q.mp4  (I also put the sub in the video myself)

On January 8, 2017, she posted two Snapchat stories in which she spoke again about Camren with one of her nieces: https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qval74yFz61ykfr3q.mp4 

On January 29, 2017, both Camila and Lauren blocked her on social media:

She continued to strike by attacking Camila months later. On July 13, 2017, the same day the 5H interview with Billboard came out, Leilani attacked her by basically calling her a whore. Tweet to which C replied with suspense dots and a Rihanna GIF:

On December 5, 2017, Camila posted the album cover and title by saying that the pre-order would've been possible from the 7th. Because of the album cover picture, Leilani attacked with the first tweet on December 5th, and continued on the 6th:

Then nothing else problematic.

Yes, of course she knew about Camren. All the people close to them know about Camren. Leilani has always been a person who likes attention. She has always liked to show off and be noisy and messy in doing so. It didn't matter how ridiculous she was or that her actions fell upon her niece. The fact that she seemed to be joking and that she was always so evasive and confusing on the subject, is because she herself knew she was going to pay the consequences. She could never have said “yes, they're real” and stick to it. Also because the one who would've paid the most consequences would've been Dinah. You know, being her aunt, it was like her responsibility. And I think D really paid the consequences for something she didn't do. At least, before the sharks took the reins and told her what to do (Leilani through Dinah). It’s happened to a lot of people close to them to get involved over the years. It has been noticed a lot more from 2015 onwards, but especially in 2017 to increase the story of the fake feud between the girls.

So basically, yeah, she was problematic and loud and messy and all of that, but for the most part, she was just following the script.

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 welcome and thank you very much 🙃 My answer to your question is yes, they've been for a long time by then. You'll find more details on all of that dynamic below in the next ask, dear.

Kinda? 🤣 Okay, let me explain, dear Anon. There was no cheating if this is what you thought with my first answer. But let's go in order. I'll shed some light on the story with Luis once and for all.

Luis Santos' first appearance for us was on January 13, 2013 when Laur posted this picture on IG:

One year later exactly, on January 13, 2014, L posted this picture:

Then we have the one on February 24th (when the girls arrived in Miami because they had three dates in Florida for The Neon Lights Tour) and those of February 25th, 2014 after the concert (posted the day after):

We have the one of April 13, 2014:

The prom ones of May 17, 2014, which were the last pictures with Luis that Laur posted:

And lastly, we have Laur’s birthday one posted by Luis:

The latter lets us understand that their story officially began on January 27, 2014. We don't know when it ended exactly (let's suppose at the beginning of July) because we only had confirmation of it in August thanks to the explanation that Clara gave for that fake scandal:

Now. This is the official story. The one we should’ve bought. But let me show you the behind the scenes. This is Melanie Mueller, Luis's ex:

Luis was in a relationship with Melanie from early August (unfortunately, Luis and Melanie's profiles are all private, but not Melanie's old Twitter) until, according to the narrative, late November 2013:

And this is where the juicy stuff begins. Luis stated that he and Mel were no longer together:

The date coincidentally matches the beginning of his relationship with Lauren on January 27, 2014, right? Right. So how do you explain the fact that Luis and Mel were on a romantic date exactly 13 days after he said they weren't together anymore?

As you can see from the date, it was February, and weren't Lauren and Luis already together since January 27th? 😏 The funny thing is that they kept interacting and taking pictures together:

And then there's the best part. The Camren shippers went wild that year in replacing Luis's face with Camila's twice. The first one with the prom picture 🤣:

And the second one with April picture. Sorry, I really tried but I couldn't find the original manip. But don't worry, I have two better things 😏:

Ohh, I think we know, Mel 😎

And how can we forget one of the many things that remained in the fandom's history and which coincidentally happened just in February a week before the picture of Luis and Melanie's romantic date:

Now that I've given you proofs, it's theory time. We know about the friendship with benefits, the Like Friends Do situation that Camren had, and we know that Lauren was in denial. Luis was a shield. Her shield, especially for the public. It wasn't a PR created by the labels, but by Lauren herself. Laur and Luis were friends, and I mean, they still have been for years. Laur simply asked him for a favor and he accepted. Laur stayed in Miami throughout the Christmas period until the first week of January 2014 before flying to L.A. with the girls. It was then, in that time spent at home that she asked him, and despite knowing the risks, despite knowing he would face fans' hatred, and despite having a girlfriend, Luis agreed to be the fake boyfriend just to help his friend in need. I don't think she told him the real reason behind it right away, but she definitely told him once she and Mila finally got together. Laur came out to her family in early 2015, but it doen't mean she didn't to her friends before. Especially once she and Mila became official in April 2014.

So, dear Anon, yes, in a way, Lauren was with Camila and Luis, but in reality, she was never with Luis.

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Thank you very much, dear, and that's okay. I don't mind helping when and if I can. It's not a problem at all for me 😊

So, as far as Lolo's situation is concerned, I honestly think Columbia has very little to do with her situation. I mean, Columbia is the biggest record label under Sony Music and has always had a lot of successful artists. From the great names that have made history to the most recent but still famous ones: Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury, Aretha Franklin, Frank Sinatra, David Bowie, Bob Dylan, Celine Dion, Paul McCartney, Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Jay Z, Adele, Alicia Keys, Ricky Martin, Pharrell Williams, Robbie Williams, Katy Perry, Shakira, Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, Diplo, OneRepublic (Ryan Tedder), Miley Cyrus, Harry Styles, Zain Malik, Little Mix, Calvin Harris, BTS, Lil Nas X, Meghan Trainor, etc., etc., etc. Believe me, there are really, but really many names that I haven't put in this list.

The purpose of a record label is to make money. To do that, the label finds an artist. The label decides if it's worthwhile for them to sign the artist by investing and advancing the money on them, and if the label believes they can make money with their music, then they don't think twice before signing them. So they invest in the artist, develop them, promote them through the artist's team, and distributes their music in exchange for a percentage of the revenues. If things go smoothly and well, there's a gain, but if things go wrong, the label loses money. [If you want to know more about how the music world works and what the girls had to go through, I wrote a post about it here: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648192055443619840/how-the-music-world-works]

Now, what did I mean by that? As I said before, Columbia is the number one, the biggest and most important umbrella music label under Sony Music Entertainment. So why on earth would a label as big as Columbia Records have signed Lauren and invested in her, but then thwart her and lose a lot of the money they invested themselves? It wouldn't make any sense because it would be like self sabotaging themselves! And what did I say is the purpose of a record label? To make money. Don't be fooled by anyone about it, dear.

I could have understood if this had been an isolated case; if Laur had been the only one among the girls (LAND) who hadn't released an album. But it's not like that. Something, and I'm 100% convinced it's something from their old contracts, has held all four of them up until now. We'll see, dear Anon. Sooner or later, the truth will come out because it always does. Even if it takes years.

Don't apologize, dear, really 😊 Hope things are great with you too and please, take care of yourself too 🤗

Hey to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄

Nada is a song that is part of Tainy's EP called Neon16 Tape: The Kids That Grew Up on Reggaeton, and it's about how two people in an unofficial relationship want completely different things. The guy doesn't want anything serious unlike the girl.

Now. I understand why you're confused, dear. After reading the lyrics and thinking about Camren, you've surely wondered “Where the fuck is Camila in all of this? But does it have something to do with her, or not?”. Well the answer is no. You see, dear, we're used to hearing a lot more Mila's songs than Laur's. When Mila writes, she writes for herself. She writes from her point of view and according to her experiences. Same thing Laur does. But Mila, unlike Laur, can't write a song for other people. She can't detach herself from them when she's writing them. Take as examples all those songs she gave away after finishing them, like Anyone or Ain't Easy. When you listen to them, you can clearly hear Camila all over it even if the song is being sung by someone else, like in these two examples, Justin Bieber and Elijah Woods. But with Laur? Nah, because Lauren can completely detach herself from them.

Take More Than That as an example. Laur didn't write More Than That for herself; she just ‘decided’ to keep it (because it was okay for the narrative she had going on at the time). If she had really given it to someone else and then you had listened to it and knew she was the one who had written it, you would've thought “Really?” with a wtf expression as the first thing. Right? Because you recognize Laur in the song only because you know she's behind it. Am I wrong? And don't get me wrong, dear, this is not by all means a bad thing at all. I'm not saying this as an insult or anything. Quite the opposite actually. I think it's absolutely amazing. Think about it. It's basically the work of songwriters and ghostwriters who only work behind the scenes for other artists. Gosh, they're both so fucking talented 😍

Anyway. What was I getting at with this? To the fact that the same thing happened here with Nada. Nada was written by four songwriters and we have two different points of view to represent the couple in the story. The one of the girls, Laur and Cris Chil (she also worked and wrote with her for Lento), and the one of the boys, C. Tangana and Tainy (like Cris, he wrote with her and produced Lento). Now. I can't tell you who the real protagonist behind the story of the song is because none of them said it, but it's definitely not Lauren. Laur just went with the flow.

Before starting, I would like to also publicly thank my girl @romanticentropy​ for helping me with the translation (her first language is Spanish), so thank you again, my love 🥰 And I'm not talking about the literal translation. I'm talking about the real meaning behind it since the meaning of many sentences or words can change even based on a simple comma. Therefore, here below you'll find the real translation along with notes placed in parentheses with various explanations. I don't know if you speak Spanish, dear Anon, but we did this for all those people here who don't speak it so that everyone can understand the true meaning of the song.

That said, let's get started.

Verse 1:

“Como te arrimes sí te voy a dar

If you dare come close, I’ll give you [implied: my dick]

Me he puesto guapo pa' verte pasar (Yeah)

I got myself all dressed up to watch you go by (Yeah)

No me pregunte', no quiero pensar

Don't ask me, I don't want to think

No tengo tiempo, no me pue'o casar

I don't have time, I can't get married

Pero, puedo quererte de nuevo

But, I can love you again

Dejar todo el resto pa' luego

[implied because the two sentences go together: And] leave everything else for later

Quedarme pa' ti, que más quieres de mí

To stay for you, what else do you want from me

No odies al jugador odia al juego

Don't hate the player, hate the game

Yo no me he inventado na' (Qué va)

I didn't make anything up (Not at all / Of course not) [‘Qué va’ is an expression, particularly from Spain, that means something like ‘How could you have thought that? Of course not’ said in a casual tone. So, ‘not at all’ is a possible interpretation because he's reassuring he really didn't make anything up]

Sobrevivo en la ciudad (¿Qué?)

I survive in the city (What?)

Me la busco pa' ganar, cien monedas pa' gastar

I'm looking to earn, a hundred dollars to spend [In this sentence, the comma is very important because in ‘me la busco pa' ganar’ read alone, it means that he's finding his ways to earn a living or a better life. When you add ‘cien monedas pa' gastar’, it extends to ‘he's finding his way to earn $100 to spend’, but the comma is important because it keeps alive the idea that he's not only working for the 100 dollars, but also for a better life (possibly a rich kind of life, but that's not necessarily implied)]

Una cama pa' dormir, y un yate pa' vacilar

A bed to sleep in, and a yacht to show off on”

What do we understand from this? That he's actually the one who doesn't want to have a serious relationship because his goal for the moment is to earn and live a good life, not to settle down and get married.

Pre-Chorus:

“Tú ya sabías to' lo que había

You already knew what to expect / You already knew what the situation was

No me hagas cambiar, vida mía

Don't make me change, my darling [He sings ‘vida mía’, which means ‘my life’. Calling someone ‘my life’ is not used in English because it makes no sense in the definition of the language itself. So, in this case, it's translated and used as a loving nickname. As you could call someone ‘my love’, ‘my heart’, ‘my baby’, or ‘my darling’]

Yo te doy hasta que se haga de día

I'll give you until it's daylight

Yo te doy hasta que se haga de día

I'll give you until it's daylight [‘Darle a alguien’, ‘to give to someone’ in Spanish has a sexual connotation. It means you're going to have sex with that person. It’s especially used from a male point of view; particularly this last line, he means he'd have sex with her all night until it's day again]”

He basically tells her: “You knew I'm an asshole. Don't try to change me because it's useless. The only thing I can give you is whole nights of sex”.

Chorus:

Sigue' dándome na', dándome nada

You keep giving me nothing, giving me nothing

Can't keep up with your vibe

'Cause you're up and you're down, 'round and you're 'round, babe

I can not read your mind

Conté lo' día' pa' volverte a ver

I counted the days to see you again

Y tú ni sabe' qué quiere' hacer

And you don't even know what you want to do

Cuando me vaya no voy a volver

When I leave I won’t come back

Sigue' dándome na', dándome nada

You keep giving me nothing, giving me nothing”

This is an ultimatum. “If you keep giving me nothing for much longer, I'll leave you without looking back”.

Verse 2:

“Yo no estoy para regalarte

I'm not here to please you [The literal translation of that is ‘I'm not here to give you’. The incomplete sentence opens an ambiguity where you don't know if she’s saying ‘I'm not here to give you anything’, or ‘I'm not here to give you things’, or ‘I'm not here to fulfill your wishes’, or ‘I'm not here to please you’, or things like that that make you understand that if he's not ready to pay attention to her right now and give her the love she needs, and he's clearly not because he's ‘giving her nothing’, she's not just going to wait there by begging for some love or collecting the crumbs that he leaves behind. She's saying “give me the love and the attention I need or I'll go away on my own”. So overall, ‘I'm not here to please you’ is a decent interpretation]

Ni tampoco para esperarte

Nor to wait for you

Ese dinero no te va a cuidar

That money won’t take care of you

No te pido matrimonio, yo sólo tu arte

I'm not asking you to marry me, just your love [That's the real meaning behind the sentence despite the literal translation being this: I'm not asking you to marry me, just your art]

Cuando no estoy ahí

When I'm not there

Sé que preguntas por mí

I know you ask about me

Sé por qué eres así

I know why you're like this

I know you're afraid of falling in too deep

We can pretend like we’ve only done this for the fun of it

Pero no te sorprendas si te enteras que así como tú hay mil

But don't be surprised to find out there are a thousand just like you around”

Basically: “I'm not asking you to marry me, just to have a real relationship. An exclusive relationship. We can continue to pretend that we just had fun, but I know there's something deeper. I know you're afraid of falling in love with me, but if you keep wanting this kind of relationship, then I'm gonna go find someone who wants the same things as me; also because there are a lot of guys out there and I'm starting to get tired of waiting”.

And that's all, dear Anon. Now that you know the real translation *thanks once again, mi amor 💖* , can you see anything that has to do with Mila? Because I don't. In fact, if I really have to find an association with Camren, the only thing that comes to my mind is that Lauren could have written some parts of her verse from Camila's point of view when they were still just fuckbuddies. You know? Since it was Laur who was initially in denial and was afraid, and not Camila. She was the one who was afraid of the idea of even liking Mila, let alone falling in too deep. But it's not like that. There's nothing of Camila here. There's no Camren here. For me, this song is the story of one of the three (Cris Chil, or C. Tangana, or Tainy) and Laur only contributed to it with her talent.

Of course I can, dear Anon 😉

So. Camila created In the Dark the day after going to the Grammys' after-party (February 12, 2017) with which she went with Ashlee as her date of hers. Mila said she got the idea for the song because of the encounter she had at that party with this unnamed famous guy. Yeah, sure, Jan. We know very well that this is not the case. Just as we know very well that that was the same night in which Tyren had their first public appearance as a fake couple. If you're interested, I've already explained all this also with proofs in my previous post: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/653296412485894144/romanticentropy-fa-by-hiiii-babies-and-dear (last question in my All These Years' interpretation).

If you don't mind, dear Anon, I'll start with the verses because they're the only parts of the song where Mila isn't addressing Lauren directly. In the verses, Camila just observes her by describing their surroundings.

Verse 1:

“Blank stares, faithless

Vampires at the same places

Shadows, traces”

Okay, let's talk about those types of parties for a moment. I bet that when you think about it, you picture a lot of celebrities having fun and dancing, glam, alcohol, drugs, music, and all those kinds of things, right? Well, that's just as true as it isn't. You see, there aren't just celebrities at those parties. There are one or more of they team members, there are A&R representatives of various labels, CEOs, publicists, producers, marketing representatives, radio and television presenters, reporters, designers, advertisers, etc., etc., etc. Those parties are the epicenter of business-talk. Very often, this is where ideas for collaborations, for PRs, for endorsements and sponsorships, for movie and TV appearances, etc., etc., happen. For those celebrities who have to be there for business reasons and not for actually having fun, those parties are pretty boring.

With those sentences, Mila describes all the people around her during that party. Those people who aren't having fun because they're surrounded by what she calls vampires. Before they marketed them by making them sparkle in the sun because of the crystals on their skin, or before they made them wear a gemstone in daylight rings, bracelets, and amulets to make them walk in the sun, you know? Before they become basically trendy, vampires were always the villains. But don't get me wrong with that. I saw the Twilight saga and I love love love The Vampire Diaries, but the fact remains that before all of that franchise, vampires have always been used in horror and scary genres because they're evil. Also because if you think about it, what do vampires do? They suck blood by basically feeding on the life force of creatures by draining them to survive and not decompose since they're undead. They need to take a life to keep living theirs, so yeah, they are the bad guys.

So Mila here describes both the bored people, the ones with blank stares who in those cases are the shadows of their true selves because they're pretending to be who they aren't, and those people of power as bloodsuckers, life-suckers: vampires. And I don't blame her at all because that's what they do. Vampires, or puppet masters, or parasites, or as you guys know I like to call them: sharks.

“I know that you feel me”

Now. Now, now, now, now, now, now. What does this sentence make us understand? Picture you're in a place full of people. Picture pretending that you're having fun because you can't show how much you actually want to be somewhere else. Picture smiling and forcibly laughing at the bullshit someone's saying. It's all about image. Now picture seeing someone you know amidst that sea of people. You and this person are far from each other, and at the moment, you both are busy talking to other people. Even though you turned around to keep having this oh so great conversation with those people, you can feel the person you know. You can feel their presence despite being on opposite sides. You can totally feel that they're still looking at you, and you have confirmation of that the moment you turn towards them again.

Apply all of this on Camren now. We know how they've always attracted each other. We know how they've always searched and checked each other when they were on opposite sides of a room. We know how they've always felt each other. So it's not that hard for me to picture how it went in this case. I understand what Mila means when she says she knows Laur could feel her despite the place and all the people around them. Because it's always been that way between them, and we've actually seen them do it many times.

Verse 2:

“Plus one, guest list

But you don't even know what her name is

Secrets, endless

I know that you feel me”

This is a repetition similar to the first verse. Mila here continues to describe the people around her and those around Laur. People who are there because they're on a list thanks to someone they don't even really know. People who in those events become totally fake because they all have secrets to hide, including the two of them. People who pretend to be friends with each other just for a matter of image without even knowing their real names, their real selves. People who are so used to wearing a mask that they've by now become that mask. And among all the sea of these people, Mila knows that Laur can feel her. Evidently as much as she can feel Laur.

Refrain:

“You’re runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin' (oh)

Making the rounds with all your fake friends”

As I said before, many celebrities wear a mask, this facade for protection. They do it to show themselves as unproblematic and to show themselves almost as perfect in the eyes of others. If you think about it, it's the same thing we see in many celebrities and even in Camren when they have to promote something. Neither of the two of them has problems showing themselves to us in a vulnerable, authentic way, without make-up ‘al natural’. But as soon as they have to promote something, bam! Dresses, nails done, make-up, and hair. It's quite normal on the one hand. I understand that. But the problem, as Mila herself said, is when this fake persona takes over your authentic self.

In this part, Mila explains how she was observing Lauren's behavior. This facade that she was wearing because they were in that kind of environment with those kinds of people and those fake friends (yes, including Tabloid). This mirage that allowed her to run and hide her true self from everyone, even from Camila herself.

“Runnin', runnin' away from it (away)”

Especially in this part, and despite having seen her fake act many times before, Mila lets us understand how Lauren was 'running' and suppressing/hiding her authentic self in front of everyone. [I remember that period. Lauren didn't act like Lauren for a while]

You can strip down without showing skin, now”

Okay, this? This sentence right here, it's magic. It's pure art. “It's okay to show the realistic side of yourself without exposing yourself and also having to show your secrets or what you want to keep to yourself. There's no need to act like a completely different person from who you are”. Camila leaves me more and more speechless with her way of writing and expressing such true and profound concepts.

Pre-Chorus:

“I can see you're scared of your emotions

I can see you're hoping, you're not hopeless

So why can't you show me?

Why can't you show me?

I can see you're looking for distractions

I can see you're tired of the acting

So why can't you show me?”

The pre-chorus explains itself quite well. Mila's saying “I know you. I see what you're doing. I see your fear. I see the way you want a way out. I see how tired you are of this farce. So why are you faking it? Why are you faking it in front of me? Why are you faking it with me? Show me the real Lauren. Not this industry puppet. Show me the Lauren I know”.

Chorus:

“Who are you in the dark? (I, I)

Show me the scary parts (I, I)

Who are you when it's 3AM and you're all alone

And L.A. doesn't feel like home? (I, I, I)

Who are you in the dark?”

Who are you in the dark? = Who are you when no one's watching. Who are you when no one can judge you. Who are you when you're alone and you can really lower that protective barrier you create around you. Show me that. Show me all of you.

Camila mentions 3AM because, as we well know thanks to their other songs, it was the nighttime hours when they were able to spend more time together freely. She also mentions L.A. to make a comparison with Miami since Los Angeles is the second city they spend the most time in due to their careers.

If in the pre-chorus Mila really asks her to show her her true self, here in the chorus she instead asks her a rhetorical question accompanied by the explanations themselves like the specific examples 3AM and L.A. to make/show her point even more. Basically the same explanation as the pre-chorus: “Who are you, because I know, I know you, so why don't you show me?”. And I really love this connection between pre-chorus and chorus.

Bridge:

“Darling, come on and let me in

Darling, all of the strangers are gone, they're gone

I said, darling, come on and let me see”

The difference between the pre-chorus & chorus and this, is the more affectionate way she addresses her. She's asking her in a cute way also thanks to the use of that classic old-school pet name, to open up and show herself. She's telling her that it's okay now that they're alone. And most importantly, she's reassuring her with this:

“Darling, I promise that I won't run”

After hurting each other, after the omissions and the secrets, after the fights, after the non-communication, after that toxicity, in short, after everything they'd been through in those years and the way things had ended between them almost two months prior, this is really serious. She's promising her that she'll stay. That's the first step, or at least what we know was the first step thanks to this song, towards a healthy relationship and towards a real positive change in their relationship.

And by the way, wooohh, this whole transition is amazing!

Outro:

“Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?”

And that's all, dear Anon. I hope you liked my interpretation 🙃

P.S. When Sinu said “Number nine is my shit!” during that live, I felt that. Mama Sinu was right. Even after all this time, this song is still the shit 😎

🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

Aaand I'm done 👩🏻‍💻 I hope I was helpful in this case too 😄 Thank you all for your asks and as usual, know that I'm available for those who have questions, so feel free to ask 😊

Before I go, I wanted to apologize for this huge delay. In addition to my job, it was due to the fact that I'm in the middle of a relocation. For about two months for 21 years, I always go to a place by the sea for the summer. I'll be there from today and I'll be back in September. Unfortunately there isn't much connection there, but there's a single wi-fi. I don't know if I'll continue to answer the asks all together with a post or individually. I'll see how to organize myself once I'm there. I apologize in advance if I'll take longer than usual to reply, but at least you know that it's because there's not much connection there (and you have to keep in mind that I’ll continue working normally because I’m not on holiday yet). Everything will be back to normal in September.

That being said, always remember to be kind, to others and to yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼 Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️

[ohpleaselarry]

ten larry proofs that i DARE antis to explain

hey guys, so it’s 2021 now and i’m sure i’m not the only one who feels “un-larrie” sometimes, so i decided to make this post to come back to if i ever feel off. here are the top ten proofs that literally don’t make sense unless they are/were together. there’s plenty of cute moments and receipts out there, but these ten are just openly obvious and try as i might they just don’t make sense if L&H are just friends. 

one: “always so obvious” 

this one’s pretty lOUD if i do say so myself. Liam catches the boys staring at each other and whispers to L “always so obvious”, making L smile and look away. what’s so obvious, Liam? why is the two of them staring at each other “obvious?” 

two: “you can’t sit together”

i’m sure we’ve all seen this one. H asks L where he wants to sit, L responds “next to you”, and very clearly heard in the video someone off-cam says “you can’t sit together”. they turn back to the cameras and plaster on smiles. interesting, isn’t it? how two just friends aren’t allowed to sit together when they ask to? hmm wonder why?

three: “mine”

as we know, all of the boys know a bit of sign language, using it to communicate to tech about mics and such, but it’s not always used for band stuff. in this clip, we have L very clearly switching hands to properly sign “mine”. they seem to use a mixture of BSL and ASL, and here he’s using ASL. notice how H nods his confirmation? 

four: “hope”

for a long time, we thought this gif could be him just crossing for good luck, until i started actually getting into sign language myself, and learned that crossing the fingers actually means “hope” in BOTH ASL and BSL. interesting, right? 

we have lots of sign language moments, but i decided not to include the “sweetheart” sign, as it’s been used between ALL of the boys on multiple occasions, and technically isn’t “sweetheart” unless they’re together with thumbs pressed. I also decided not to include L’s “hazza, not a big deal sad one” at the concert when H missed his note bc technically it’s not proof, it could easily be supportive friends. this post is only for legitimate proof. 

five: “you were mine”

i’m sure we all remember this one. twitter questions on tour, someone asked “what was your favourite ride at universal?” H goes to L and says “you were mine”. very platonic, yes. i can’t think of a single instance when whispering this into your friends ear just for him wouldn’t be awkward. unless you aren’t just friends. 

six: “drop my b-”

okay, now lets get to the real shit. in an interview, they were talking about H finally getting his drivers license. they asked the first thing he did. he says he’d just used it because he “was drop my b-” then he makes the most hilarious oopsie face and finishes it off roughly “cause they brought the car to me, and i dropped them off at the pub.” this one may be the easiest in this list to dilute, because yes, he could’ve been saying ‘best mate’ but would he have stopped and re-said the sentence if that were the case? why? unless he were going to say boyfriend. 

seven: WELLINGTON

now this is probably the most frustrating evidence we have, but you must be out of your damn mind if you can’t hear L clearly yell “boyfriend!” just before he leans into H’s arms. sure, they’re pissed, but maybe that’s exactly why he isn’t quite so careful. watch the video and come back and tell me that isn’t what he says, because i’ve spent more time than i’d like to admit trying to hear anything else.

eight: “sorry”

this one’s pretty clear, and pretty damn obvious. they’re asked who they’d like to take home after the brit’s in 2012, and H says “adele” multiple times, then says “maybe ill try later, who knows”. the interview goes on, and H turns to L and apologises. why apologise to a friend when talking about taking someone home? you can also hear him say it if you bump up the sound in the video, as he’s holding the mic a little too close. 

nine: “the larry arm”

so this one was nearly number ten bc of how loud it is, and i constantly come back to this when i’m feeling off. at this concert, this girl writes “LARRY” on her arm, big and obvious, and H comes by and sends her a thumbs up TWICE. then as if it’s not enough, he comes back, POINTS at his forearm where she’s written it, and sends a third thumbs up. now this is well into the larry stuff. if they wanted the rumours to be gone, why essentially tell a fan it’s true? 

my laptop refuses to upload the gif so here’s the post with all four gifs

ten: “L wants a kiss”

now this one i like to call “the most high quality wellington”. basically they’re in an interview. Liam is talking, so i assume the boys think there’s no cameras on them. L turns to H and leans in. as you can see in the gif, it’s quite a close lean. he doesn’t smile like it’s a joke, he doesn’t move to his ear like he wants to whisper. no, he’s asking for a kiss. H moves his hand up and brushes L’s cheek to try to play it off, so L purses his lips like sending him a kiss, and turns away. H bumps him to get his attention, and says “creep” into the mic. i assume this is their signal for “there’s someone watching” or “there’s cameras on us”. L then makes a classic oopsie face and starts fiddling with a water bottle. Niall in the background laughs, watching them. 

this is probably the most damning evidence we have. do you guys lean into your friends that close? i know i don’t lmao. i love how H doesn’t move away also

and that’s it, folks! my larry views usually change day to day, but it always comes back to these and i know deep in my heart that even if they aren’t together now, they definitely were at some point. anyone who would like to dispute these please be my guest, I’d love to hear your attempted explanations for these. 

if you have any to add, pls make sure it’s hardcore evidence that can’t be explained by anything else but larry. have a good one ;)

[alltoowsll]

omg I love love love your most recent edit so much!🖤 do you think you'd consider doing a short tutorial on how you made it? specifically the last gif where the background sort of fades in and the words also fade in.

omg thank you so much this means a lot :’))), i’m really not good at doing tutorials because i suck at explaining myself, but i’ll try telling you the way i did it and hope it helps! (also english isn't my first language so i'm sorry if i make any mistake)

so i like to first do the text effect before doing the gif behind 

open photoshop, file > new, these are my settings:

2. i like to add a color fill layer next, use black color

3. i’m gonna write the text first. I used Helvetica (I don’t exactly remember the settings i used, since i didn’t save it) so hope this helps:

BY THE WAY, i have to mention that my photoshop and in general my laptop sometimes suck. So 6.5 is big for me, but it’s possible that might be too little for you. Just adjust it the way you like it. 

4.

anyways, now that you have your text i like to do a copy of the text > Control + J. 

then, rasterize the layer. (right click on your mouse)

5. at this point you should have your timeline opened, then click create video timeline, you should click right here on the three dots (convert to frame animation) 

OK SO BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE, i forgot to mention but you need to cut each letter, just like this: 

now that everything is in order, go to your timeline and click

when i first made the original gif there were around 253 layers (it was long asf) but had to cut it because it was over 10mb. once you duplicated the original frame, it's gonna look like this:

Select the first layer and then lower the opacity to 10%

second layer - 20%

3rd - 20% (start with the 2nd letter, first layer 10%)

4th - 40% (2nd letter, first layer 20%) (third letter, 10%)

5 - 60% (second letter, 40%) (third letter, 20%) (4th letter 10%)

6 - 80% (second letter, 60%) (third letter, 40%) (4th letter 20%) (5th letter 10%)

7 - 100% (second letter, 80%) (third letter, 60%) (4th letter 40%) (5th letter 20%)

8.  (second letter, 100%) (third letter, 80%) (4th letter 60%) (5th letter 40%)

9. (third letter, 100%) (4th letter 80%) (5th letter 60%)

it's gonna look like this:

i know its confusing so i'm sorry if i'm not explaining myself well:(

and you will have to do the same process with the whole text.

for the background fading i used this gif overlay:

open it, then on each layer apply this settings:

filter > blur > motion blur

duplicate each layer until it matches the ones of your original gif. let's say, you have 180 layers, make 180 layers.

to copy and paste on your original gif just do this:

Control + G > layer mode- screen

and that's all i did!

sorry if i made this more confusing than i should've, it's almost midnight hfdsjakdh if you want me to explain it more let me know and i will try to make instead a video doing step by step!

[eddiesblr]

#showyourprocess

From planning to posting, share your process for making creative content!

To continue supporting content makers, this tag game is meant to show the entire process of making creative content: this can be for any creation.

RULES — When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag 5 people with a specific link to one of their creative works you’d like to see the process of. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours!

Thank you so much for tagging me @lan-xichens​, I’ll try my best to explain how I made this set from start to finish hehe ♡ and also a big thank you to @suibianjie​ @highwarlockkareena​ @nyx4​ @aheartfullofjolllly​ and you as well Kris for putting this all together! Content creators get a lot less recognition than they deserve for all the time they put into their content, so getting everyone to see the (sometimes excessive) process we all go through to put our content in our blog, I hope it creates a positive change!! 💖

1. Planning

The set in question was actually requested by someone so they could celebrate their friend’s birthday! At first I wasn’t entirely sure if I was going to be able to finish it on time (college is very hectic right now) but I was able to finish it three days before the deadline which was may 1st! ^-^

The first thing I did was decide what characters I wanted to use in the set, I first reached out to the person who requested the set if there were certain characters they wanted me to use but they said they didn’t know enough to really give me any directives outside of the quote. I decided, since the quote is applicable to the entirety of the show, that I would try to put in as many characters as possible.

Thus, of course, came the hunting for scenes. Those of you in the net discord surely know I came into the content help channel a few times to ask for certain scenes here and there, and eventually I had to download an additional 10 episodes to the back then 20 or so episodes I had in my CQL episodes folder.

As you can see I have 30 random episodes of CQL downloaded (slowly but surely getting to the point where I have all 50 episodes downloaded) and I think I ended up using scenes out of at least 20 of those episodes.

I planned out beforehand what characters I would use per gif. I knew obviously I would start out with Wangxian, them being the main characters of the show, and then would work my way down the list. The second gif consists of Nie Huaisang, Nie Mingjue, Jin Zixuan, Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing, and Wen Ning. They’re all family pairings, two being siblings and one being a married couple. The next gifset consists of the Yi City characters, then the fourth gif consists of the juniors, and the final gif has Jin Guangyao, Mianmian, Jiang Cheng, and Lan Xichen in it.

I have to admit though that when I had made the first four gifs I’d forgotten who I would put in the last gif and the when I thought about it the first time around I could only think of Lan Qiren and the very cursed Yaoyang ship 😭 it was only at dinner time that same day that I remembered I hadn’t put Jiang Cheng in my gifset yet and that’s when I thought of the other characters as well.

I had already made my first two gifs when I went to check Hanyi’s blog for layout inspo and eventually I decided I wanted to try a triangle-ish layout, which I doodled below. I eventually ended up changing the layout of the last gif in the final design. It was also the first time I would work with a triangle-ish layout so I was a bit nervous as I was scared it wasn’t going to work out...

2. Creating

I use Avisynth 2.5 and Adobe Photoshop 2021 (the paid version, unfortunately, I need it for school except I didn’t need it this year but I wanted it so I paid for it with my own money ouch) to make my gifsets! I always start out with trimming down all the scenes I’m going to use into three to five second videos and putting them through Avisynth. This time around I did it separately for each gif I made, simply because I needed so many scenes. I would include a screenshot of my “gif vids” and “temp” folders but I’ve already deleted all the videos, which is what I usually do immediately after a set is posted.

I’ll try my best explaining this gif by gif since each one had a different layout!

2.1 Wangxian

I think I had up to five different designs of this gif 😭 it started out with the gif on the left originally being more centered and the quote right smack in the center but somehow it felt a bit too... empty? I changed up the design and pulled the gif over to the right and put the two closeups on the left, the exact opposite of the gif I eventually ended up with. I switched things around one more time and saved the gif as you can see it right now, except I didn’t include the lines yet. It was only as I finished up my fourth gif that I decided this gif needed lines as well so I added them ^-^

2.2 Nie Huaisang, Nie Mingjue, Jin Zixuan, Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing, and Wen Ning

I got the inspiration for the font layout on this gif from this Wenzhou post! I hadn’t tried it before and when I did for this gif I was very happy with the way it turned out :D I wanted to portray that life is a pile of good and bad things, as the quote says, in CQL by mirroring these happy scenes side by side with the sad scenes

2.3 Yi CIty

My first time working with the triangle layout!! Putting in the lines and making sure they would line up with the second gif took me the longest of all actually  😭 I think once I got the line on the left in I just copy pasted it and flipped it horizontally so I didn’t have to fiddle around with angling it anymore :’) my original idea was to get a happy Song Lan scene and a sad A-Qing scene, but when I stumbled upon this A-Qing scene in ep38 I just had to put it in there because her smile is so precious 🥺 Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen in the center are also supposed to be mirrored, with Xue Yang embodying the “bad things” and Xiao Xingchen the “good things” ! I also think the Yi City characters fit this part of the quote very well!!

2.4 The Juniors

Ah yes, the junior quartet!! :D I had this planned out from the very beginning, that I would include happy versus sad juniors in the “vice versa” part of the quote, and I think it worked out quite well! My first idea was to put the “vice versa” completely in the special font and have it typed out over the gifs like I did with the “vice” but as I typed out the “versa” I realized it had one letter too much to be able to do that 😭😭 it took me a while to come up with how I would position the “but” and “versa” and after some moving around I decided to just place them the way I did in the final gif! For the font, I duplicated the “vice” and added a stroke to the duplicate, then I changed the fill setting to 0% so I could slightly drag the duplicate away from the original layer to create the effect that’s in the gif — also, finding a scene in which Jin Ling smiles is really difficult.... he barely even smiles in the scene I ended up using :(

2.5 Jin Guangyao, Mianmian, Jiang Cheng, and Lan Xichen

The final gif!! I feel like this might come a little across as “I promise I didn’t forget these characters” because they’re a very odd quadruplet to put together, but they were the most important characters left to put in the set! I was thinking of putting Nie Mingjue in here together with Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen, but I did feel he fit more with his brother up in the second gif. Mei @mylastbraincql​ cheered me on making this gif for which I was very grateful :D <3 the layout came to be after I googled “how to evenly split a rectangle in four” because I didn’t want a repeat layout in the set  (*/∇＼*)

2.6 Coloring

For the coloring I pretty much did all of the tweaking on the first gif and then copy pasted all of it onto the second, third, fourth, and fifth gif. This is usually the way I go about my coloring, I will always edit certain gifs if necessary but I don’t think I had to change the coloring much on any of these gifs? Maybe I added in a curve layer here and there, but nothing major! This is really one of my preferred coloring styles, even though I try to step outside of my comfort zones with other sets ^-^

3. Posting

I will always upload sets into my drafts and edit the caption in there as well, clicking on “preview post” a couple times to check everything looks good on my blog as well, before I post a set. However, this time, since there was a deadline and I finished before the deadline, I put this set in the queue so it would automatically post on the 1st of may! Knowing myself, I would’ve forgotten to do so </3

Whew that was... a lot 😭 did it make any sense? Probably not, but it was fun to ramble （ ´∀｀）

I’ll tag

@blinkplnk​ with this set !

@wuxien​ with this set !

@wendashanren​ with this set !

@wanyinxichen​ with this set !

@yibobibo​ with this set !

@mylastbraincql​ with this set !

@sugarbabywenkexing​ with this set !

@yiling-recesses​ with this set !

@jiancheng​ with this set !

Please feel totally free to ignore this if you’ve already been tagged and don’t want to do it again!! <3

[writingmyanxietyaway]

Cloacked Heart | Jackson Avery

Requested by anon:  Hi😊💕 Are you taking requests? Also, I wanna tell you that your works are very good💯👏👏👌🏻 and then, I was thinking on using “Oh, do you ever shut up?”; “You can call me whenever you want.. Even if you don’t have a reason to.”; “Tell me I’m wrong.” where the reader is DeLuca's sister and gets to work for the first time with Jackson but they don't get very well at first :) xx

Word count: 2.7k

Warning: none

Note: not my gif! kinda enemies to lovers

Thank you so much, darling! It really means the world to me :) Hope you like it xx

#11 - ‘Oh, do you ever shut up?’

#46 - ‘You can call me whenever you want.. Even if you don’t have a reason to.’

#67 - ‘Tell me I’m wrong.’

------------

Today was your third week at your new job. Thanks to your brother Andrew, you got in at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. Before, you worked in a hospital on the other side of the country which you thoroughly enjoyed but due to staff cuts, you had to leave. Being incredibly good at what you do, you got offered some jobs but none of them interested you. So Andrew spoke to his superior and got you a job as an attending in OB/GYN. Your sister Carina worked in OB/GYN also, so that’s where your fascination and passion for this specialty came from.

‘Hey, Y/N! How’s moving in going?’ Arizona asked, handing you a coffee. You took a sip and let the hot beverage slip down your throat. Warmth spread through your whole body as you enjoyed the bitter taste on your tongue.

‘It’s going okay, actually. All I need to do is paint the walls and I’m done,’ you nodded contently. Moving in was less stressful than you thought it would be, thanks to your newly made friends here at Grey Sloan. Arizona was the first person Andrew introduced you to and since he’s her roommate and head of Ped’s, you knew you would most likely see each other more.

‘Cool! Hey, you wanna come over for dinner on friday? I’ll kick Andrew out and we can have a girls night. If you want I’ll invite the other girls too,’ she said, pointing to the three sisters at the end of the hallway who waved at you.

‘Yeah, that would be fun. If it’s not a bother to you, that is,’ you said. You hated being a bother to anyone and always did your best to keep to yourself. Especially since you were new, you didn’t want to intrude. All of the staff seemed really close to each other by what you had seen so far.

‘Oh it’s no problem at all!’ she waved off, ‘And besides, after such a stressful time you deserve a glass of wine. Or bottle.’ She winked at you and left to check up on het patients. You knew you had surgery tonight, so you decided to lay down for a little in one of the on-call rooms. Thinking about your life before and now made you smile. The job you had was great, but they didn’t let you do what you did best; save lives and deliver babies. There was always someone who was better than you or stole your patients. It was unfair and definitely uncalled for, but being here made you feel appreciated and welcomed. You hadn’t met everyone yet, but so far you got along with everyone.

You heard a knock on the door and got up. It was one of the interns who told you the surgery had been moved to the afternoon. You decided to check on the patient before surgery, but someone already beat you to it. A man was talking to your patient. He was tall, muscular and had piercing blue eyes. You knew it was Jackson Avery, as you had seen on the board earlier today, but you had yet to meet the man. Your breath hitched for a moment and that caught the attention of both your patient and the still unknown man.

‘Hi, sorry to interrupt. I’m doctor DeLuca. I’ll be performing your surgery with doctor Avery,’ you introduced yourself to the patient with a smile. She shook your hand and then turned her attention back to Jackson. He explained every step of the surgery. She was pregnant with twins, but her skin had been completely stretched out, making the continuation of the pregnancy very dangerous. You would deliver both babies safely while Jackson restored the skin. It wasn’t a risky procedure, but it did require some skills. Hence the two of you being here. Once he was done explaining, she felt safe enough and two interns took her to pre-op. You handed the tablet to one of the nurses, who you remembered was called Linda, and turned to Jackson.

‘I don’t believe we’ve met yet. I’m Y/N DeLuca, ’ you said with a smile and held out your hand for him to take. He shook it and nodded at you.

‘Jackson Avery. Let me be clear straight away. Don’t try anything funny with me or anyone in this hospital. This hospital is funded with the money I provided, so this placed is owned by me, no matter what anyone says. I can kick you out as easily as you came in. So, let’s do this surgery, because I have more to do today.’ Not waiting for an answer, he turned around and left to prep for surgery. You stared at him until he left and shook yourself out of your haze. What crawled up his ass and died?

When you tried to leave, you bumped into Andrew.

‘Hey, Annie,’ you asked, hearing him groan behind you. You had called him that since you caught him singing along to Annie: The Musical one night. He hated it ever since, but after doing it for so long his actual name sounded weird so you just kept using it. ‘Is Jackson always such an ass?’ You turned around and watched his face turn into a frown.

‘No.. most of the time he’s the nicest guy around, why?’ he asked. He saw you frowning and stepped towards you, placing a hand on your shoulder. ‘Did he do something?’ 

Your sister was older than you and he was younger, making you the middle child, but he always protected you like an older brother. Whenever you felt sad or angry, you came to him first before anyone else.

‘No, nothing happened. I just introduced myself and he started going on about me not trying anything funny here because he could kick me out if he wanted to,’ you mumbled.

‘Hmm.. maybe he has a bad day? I can talk to him if you want me to?’

‘No, it’s okay. I’ve got surgery with him, so I’ll talk to him. I gotta go, see you tonight?’ you asked. He nodded and smiled. 

‘Goodluck, peanut! Page me if you need anything.’

You scrubbed, changed into different clothes and stared operating. You could see how tense Jackson still was, so you tried to lighten the mood.

‘So, Jackson, how long have you been here for?’ you asked. Your hands worked flawlessly and Jackson noticed. He was pissed off at someone new coming to work at the hospital again, thinking it would only cause more drama again, but you seemed actually nice and talented. It sparked a little jealousy in him that he hadn’t felt before.

‘Long enough,’ he grumbled. You couldn’t help but notice how attractive he was. His eyebrows were furrowed and he watched the skin he worked on closely. You had seen his work before and it was incredible.

‘Okay, well..’ you started, ‘Not to kiss your ass or anything, but I think you’re a great surgeon and I am really looking forward to working with you more in the future.’

There was no response as you continued on delivering the babies. You soon delivered a boy and shortly after a little girl.

‘There they are. Please take them to either doctor Robins or Karev. They’ll check up on them and inform the parents. I’ll be right there,’ you told the interns with a smile and they quickly left.

‘That was really nice, you know.. Saving the hospital and all. I couldn’t-’ you got cut off by a load groan of Jackson.

‘Oh, do you ever shut up?’

Shocked at his sudden snap, your hands froze and your breath hitched. He seemed to be okay with what he said, since he just kept going. What you didn’t know was that he didn’t mean to snap. It was like he lost control over his mouth, because when the words left his lips, he was shocked himself. Snapping at a woman like that was very unlike him, so when you mumbled out a sorry, he wanted to apologize, but the words were stuck in his throat.

-

The ‘shut up’ incident had been almost a year ago. You had worked with him a few times after that and he talked to you more often now, but luckily Arizona offered to take your surgeries with him so you could take over hers. She had truly been your best friend since you started at Grey Sloan, besides April. The three of you got along incredibly well and you even went out for dinner once a month. Andrew and you had switched apartments, so you now lived with Arizona and he lived in your apartment.

It was saturday and you were about to leave, but you wanted to check on you patient Amy one last time before she left. She was allowed to leave tomorrow and you had the day off, so you wouldn’t see her anymore. Sofia was 18 and was now a mother of a healthy baby girl. Her parents refused to see her as they were religious and didn’t approve of their daughter having sex before marriage. So you kind of took her under your wing until she left.

‘How are you holding up?’ you asked her, sitting on the end of her bed. She smiled at the little peanut laying on her chest as she wrapped her little hand around Amy’s finger. 

‘I’m okay. I guess all the cliché’s are true. Whenever I look at her everything just falls away. I’m going to be okay. We will be okay. I know we are,’ she spoke and you felt extremely proud of her. When she came in, she was terrified, alone and hurt. Now, she was all grown up and not scared of what the future would bring.

‘I’m proud of you, Amy. I really am. You have my number, so if anything happens or if you need anything, just give me a call, okay?’ She nodded and you hugged her goodbye. You caressed the little girl over the head and was about to leave when suddenly her heartbeat picked up and she started seizing. You took the child away as you yelled at nurses to help you, but to no avail. She had a heart attack and didn’t survive. The baby was taken away to the pediatric wing and her body was taken to the morgue. You sat in the middle of the room, staring at the place Amy laid alive and smiling just a little over an hour ago. Your bottom lip trembled and you could feel your throat closing up as you choked back a sob.

Jackson was about to leave too, when he saw you sitting alone in an empty room quietly crying to yourself. He glanced around to see if anyone knew what you were doing there, but when he saw no one even noticed you were sitting on your own, he stepped in. 

‘What are you doing here?’ he softly asked you. He noticed you tensing up, but something inside him told him you needed someone to be there for you. Clearly you were shaken up, so he couldn’t just leave you here alone. He grabbed a chair and sat down next to you. He followed your gaze and it didn’t take long for him to realise you’d lost a patient.

‘How old was she?’ he whispered. You let out a shaky breath and wiped away your tears.

‘Eighteen. Heart attack,’ you whispered back, your voice breaking. His heart clenched when he saw you so broken. You always wandered and skipped around the halls, a smile on your face and carrying positivity with you everywhere you went. Seeing tears falling down your cheeks and a frown on your face was nothing like you.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, placing a hand on your thigh. You felt a spark of electricity flow through your body and turned to face him. His eyes held remorse and his eyebrows were furrowed in worry.

‘I’m sorry too.’

You two sat like this for a few minutes. Sitting in silence cleared your head. You enjoyed Jackson’s company and it made you feel safe and warm to know he wanted to know if you were okay.

‘Come on. I’ll take you home,’ he offered, holding out his hand for you to take. You gladly took it and placed the chairs back on their spots. You got in his expensive car and silently drove to Arizona’s and your place. When you arrived, you didn’t get out right away.

‘Thank you Jackson. You didn’t have to do that, wait for me, I mean. But thank you for waiting and being there. I appreciate it,’ you told him, not daring to look him in the eyes. You could see him nod in the corner of your eye.

‘No problem. If you need anyone, you can call me whenever you want.. Even if you don’t have a reason to.’ 

Your heart fluttered at his words and you blushed. He reached out for your hand and kissed the top of it.

‘Goodnight, Jackson. Thanks again.’

-

Three years you had been working here. Since the passing of your patient, you and Jackson got along surprisingly well. Others seemed to notice as well, because both of you got invited to parties and dinners more, because you finally could be in a room with each other without one killing the other. Either of you were unaware of the feelings you shared for each other, that seemed to increase more every day.

‘Hey Jackson, wanna come over for dinner tonight? Arizona is out and I don’t wanna sit alone all night,’ you asked him, flopping down on the couch next to him. He seemed to ignore you as he continued playing on his phone.

‘Jackson? Are you okay?’ you asked again, this time softer and turning your body to look at him. You saw him swallow thickly and nervously play with his beard. It felt like a slap to the face when he ignored you. After three years you could finally have a decent conversation and now he was shutting you out again..? It simply didn’t make sense.

‘Did I do something wrong?’ you whispered. You swallowed the lump in your throat and Jackson finally looked up at you. He had to say it. It was now or never.

‘Tell me I’m wrong,’ he stated. His eyes held fear as he looked you in the eyes.

‘Wrong about what?’ you asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. ‘Jackson, what’s going on?’ Placing a hand on his knee, his eyes flickered from your hand to your face.

‘Tell me I’m right to believe you share the same feelings I have for you,’ he breathed out. Your heart beat loudly in your ears and you felt like he could hear it. He placed his hand over yours that laid on his knee and interwined your hands. You couldn’t believe it. Taking you silence as an answer, he chuckled bitterly and let go of your hand.

‘I guess I was wrong,’ he mumbled, standing up. You quickly stood up too.

‘I want to tell you you’re wrong, but that would be a lie. And I can’t lie; not to you. I actually wanted to tell you the same. Tonight. If you wanted to of course.’ You stumbled over your words as you tried to tell him how you felt. He chuckled at your rambling and he cut you short by placing a hand in your neck and pulling you against him, kissing you softly. His lips were soft and full and he smelled amazing. You closed your eyes, wrapping your arms around his neck and standing in your tip toes to pull him closer.

‘Only if it’s a date and I cook for you,’ he whispered against your lips. You giggled and nodded, making him smile.

‘I’m sure we can arrange that.’

You leaned in again, but froze when you heard a voice behind you.

‘Oh come on! Not you too. Now I’ve lost both my sisters to my co-workers. I shouldn’t have offered you the job, damn it,’ Andrew grumbled.

‘Oh, shut it Annie. Your time will come,’ you called after him, earning a middle finger in return, making you and Jackson giggle.