#also also if you're reading this far. she's a minor so please don't be weird about her

[neemso]

You would be surprised who actually owns this character :)

[les4elliewilliams]

bound by love // ex-girlfriend!ellie

☆・・・・☆ ・・・・☆・・・・☆

daily click・palestine masterpost・do not buy any game from naughty dog, neil druckmann is a zionist.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

wc/warnings: 5.6k ; strap-on sex (r!receiving), tribbing, oral (r!receiving), cheating, use of names like whore, slut, baby etc. and toxic relationship. do NOT read if you're sensitive about this kind of stuff!! do not romanticize toxic relationships and run far away from toxic people.

a/n: also first time writing smut so please be kind😭. not proofread so i'm sorry if you find any mistakes

pairing: toxic!ellie, ex-girlfriend!ellie also stalker!ellie???(just ellie stalking your social media and location) and jealous!ellie ig.

☆・・・・☆ ・・・・☆・・・・☆

I know that you're shitty and you're bad for me

But I can't stop thinking 'bout it

✩ You used to console yourself by saying that the problem was not you but her. You believed that she was the one who caused all the issues in the relationship. However, as time passed, you started to realize that the situation was more complex than you initially thought. You began to question your own actions and words and wondered if you could have done things differently. You tried to stay positive by reminding yourself that sometimes things don't work out, and it's okay to move on. But you couldn't move on.

✩ Despite all your efforts to move on and forget about her, you always found yourself drawn back to her for some weird reason. You tried everything you could think of to let her go — you blocked her on every platform you could, hoping it would help you move on, but it never seemed to work. No matter how hard you tried to forget her, you always ended up unblocking her, usually within an hour of blocking her. It was as if you were powerless to resist the pull she had on you, no matter how much you wanted to be free of her.

✩ You were the one who broke up with her, claiming she was too toxic for you. However, you cannot deny that you also had your fair share of faults. Both of you were aware of the toxicity in your relationship, but still, it lasted for three whole years. You often wonder how you were able to tolerate her for so long. She always seemed to go out of her way to provoke you and get a reaction out of you. She would intentionally make you jealous, making nasty comments about other women's bodies to make you insecure and maybe even cry. She loved it when you got possessive and jealous; that was the only way she felt cared for and loved. She constantly needed reassurance, and her overthinking would stop only when you got possessive of her or extremely jealous; it didn't make sense, and she knew it wasn't normal, yet she couldn't help herself. But it wasn't only that. She was also extremely manipulative and a liar. It was a never-ending cycle of negativity, and both of you were caught up in it.

✩ If she was a toxic girlfriend, imagine how toxic she was once you two were broken up. When you broke up with her, you thought you were better off as friends, but soon enough, you started to realize how wrong you were.

✩ Even though she treated you poorly throughout your relationship, you always returned to her. Your love for her was strong, and it seemed as though returning to her was the only thing that felt right. Even though she was responsible for causing you a significant amount of emotional pain, she still felt like home to you — like the person who you could always run to whenever you needed it. She always knew the right thing to say to calm you down, cheer you up, and sometimes even make you cry. That was the thing about Ellie that confused you the most; She could be either the best person ever or the worst.

✩ When something big goes down in your life, she's the one you call up first. It doesn't matter if it's something totally dumb or something that seriously ticks you off, she's the one you rely on for comfort and support, and she's always there to baby you.

"S'okay baby— mhm, you got this," whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you rambled about your day "Want me to beat them up for you? You know I would," and she wasn't kidding, sending whoever made you mad to the ER without you even knowing it. You have always been someone who disliked violence. In fact, you were never the kind of person who would resort to violence, no matter how heated a situation may have been. You've always been the rational one between the two of you, thinking things through before acting. On the other hand, she was more impulsive, acting without much thought or consideration for the consequences of her actions. Anyway, you would find out what Ellie did to your coworker when he showed up with a cast around his arm, threatening to take legal action against her. You always found yourself in the middle of the conflict, pleading with your coworker not to sue Ellie and trying to smooth things over.

✩ Lots of

"you're the hottest girl i've ever dated" "i would take you back in a heartbeat" "i still have a soft spot for you" "best pussy i've ever had"

✩ She'd randomly show up at your place in the middle of the night, pounding on your door, little did you know she'd be pounding into you the second you let her in

"nfuckk— my pussy…s'all mine" Murmuring nonsense into the crook of your neck as she fucked your tight little hole with the new strap she desperately wanted to show you (which became your favorite for obvious reasons). "think anyone else can make you feel like this, hm?" and she wouldn't let you cum if you didn't reply, she wanted to hear you say that you belonged to her and her only.

✩ She constantly checked your social media accounts like a fucking maniac, fearing that you may have moved on or started spending time with other girls. This behavior was not healthy, and she was aware of it. Despite that, she couldn't help herself and even had access to your location, which she used to stalk you whenever you didn't respond to her messages or calls quickly enough. On two separate occasions, she unexpectedly showed up while you were on dates with other girls. At first, you brushed it off as a coincidence, but after the second time, you realized that she still had your location and that her sudden appearance was not coincidental at all. Therefore, you turned off the location sharing. and in no time she was blowing up your phone with texts

"why the fuck would you turn it off?" "moving on already?" "where the fuck do you even think you're going?" "try all you want, but you know who you belong to"

✩ It became increasingly clear that you and her were not meant to be friends. You still belonged to her in her mind — and perhaps it wasn't just in her mind. Deep down, you knew that she was right even though you were no longer together.

✩ Although you had repeatedly told Ellie that you wouldn't get back together, she remained convinced that you would eventually return. Instead of giving up, she actively pursued ways to reconnect with you. She would often surprise you by showing up at your apartment with a bouquet of your favorite flowers or things she knew you would like.

"Ellie, what're you doin' here?" you asked as you saw your ex-girlfriend holding a lovely bouquet of flowers in her hand. You were taken aback as you looked at the bouquet  — it was a Hello Kitty bouquet. You had mentioned this type of bouquet to Ellie before you broke up, and you were surprised that she even listened to you when you kept rambling about how cute it was. You had seen it on Pinterest before and never thought she would remember. Her green eyes met yours, and she scratched the back of her neck before flashing a warm smile your way. She knew you'd love it.  "Hi, angel," she said. She handed you the bouquet and planted a soft kiss on your cheek. Her free hand quickly found its way to your waist. She leaned back enough to gauge your reaction and asked with a cocky smile, "What d'you think?" The sudden appearance of Ellie took you aback, but you couldn't help but admire the bouquet in your hands. The Hello Kitty plushie and the colorful flowers were so cute. You didn't expect her to remember your love for this particular bouquet, but you were grateful that she did. "May I come in?" Her tone was confident, and her eyes shone with a mischievous glint. You couldn't help but wonder what she was up to, but you stepped aside to let her in nonetheless.

✩ She would listen intently to everything you said during your relationship and make mental notes of all the things you wanted or needed. However, she never acted on them until you broke up with her. Suddenly, she would start getting you those things, being the girlfriend you always wanted her to be, trying to convince you to give her another chance. But you weren't stupid; you knew that as soon as you let her back into your life, she would go back to her usual self, and her toxic behavior would come out once again.

✩ She showered you with compliments, gifts, and attention, making you feel like you were the only person in the world that mattered to her. When she realized that her love bombing wasn't working on you, she changed her tactics. She began dating a girl she had always insisted was "just a friend," even though you had always felt insecure about her because you thought she was prettier than you. But Ellie was using this girl only to get to you. She wanted to make you jealous and make you feel like you were missing out on something she could provide. She hoped you would come back to her, begging for another chance. You were devastated and couldn't help but compare yourself to this other girl, wondering what Ellie saw in Dina that she didn't see in you. But as time passed, you began to realize that Ellie was playing games. She didn't care about this girl, or about anyone else for that matter. To her, you were the one that got away, the one that she couldn't have. And so she used this other girl as a pawn in her game, hoping to win you back. But you didn't fall for it.

✩ She just went ahead and started posting pictures with her new girlfriend on Instagram to make sure you saw them and felt like shit. And, well, it worked like a charm. Even though you knew she was doing it on purpose to upset you, it still hurt like hell because she never posted pictures of the two of you together on social media, claiming she preferred to keep things private but as soon as she started dating her new girlfriend, she suddenly started posting about her non-stop, which made you feel even more hurt and insecure.

✩ You realized that cutting ties with Ellie and blocking her from all platforms would have been the wise thing to do. but let's be honest, getting revenge felt much more satisfying than being wise sometimes. You wanted to show her that you were not someone to be toyed with cause that's what you felt like: a toy. You started seeing a girl you had recently met, but you made sure not to make it too obvious. You didn't want Ellie to think you were only doing it to get back at her. Of course not, it had to look natural. You wanted to show her that you had moved on with your life and that you were over her. Even though it was quite the opposite, you weren't over her.

✩ When you began sharing pictures of your new girlfriend, she dropped her fake composed demeanor and started bombarding your phone with messages. You finally had her exactly where you wanted her.

2:33 am "who the fuck is that girl in your story?" 2:34 am "hello?" 2:36 am "answer your goddamn phone" 2:37 am "Why do you even care, Ellie? you're in a relationship." 2:39 am "what the actual fuck" 2:42 am "tell me" 2:46 am "who is she" 2:53 am "My girlfriend."

✩ After that, she vanished from social media and every other platform for nearly a week, leaving you on read. You had mixed emotions about it. On one hand, you felt a sense of pride for getting back at her. It was working because she seemed jealous. On the other hand, there was a part of you that couldn't help but miss her. You longed for her presence and wished she would come back. Her presence wasn't the only thing you longed for; you missed her hands all over your body, touching you just in the right places. She knew you like the back of her hand. She knew exactly how to make you arch your back and make you scream her name.

✩ You couldn't cum. It had been weeks, maybe a month, and your little friend down there was starting to ache. You were horny, so fucking horny, but you couldn't cum. All you could think of was your fucking ex-girlfriend almost as if your pussy had a mind of her own. Not even your favorite toys were helping. it felt good, but you felt like something was missing. You reached out to the nightstand and grabbed your phone, unlocking the screen with a swift gesture and opened the messaging app. It was wrong, so wrong and you knew you would regret it the next day, but you needed her. Your fingers moved effortlessly across the virtual keyboard as you typed a message to her.

 1:15 am "Els, I know it's wrong but"  1:15 am "I'm horny"  1:16 am "I need you, please"

You let out a deep sigh of frustration as ten long minutes ticked by, convinced she wouldn't text you back. The last conversation you had hadn't gone well, and you were starting to think it was all over between the two of you, for real this time. Just as you were about to give up and put your phone back on the nightstand, you heard a familiar chime. Your heart leaped into your throat as you saw that it was her.

1:27 am "lol your little gf can't make you feel good like i do?" 1:29 am "omw"

In just 10 minutes, she was back in your apartment, in your arms, and inside you. It was almost like nothing happened like she hadn't just made you cry for a whole month for getting with the girl who made you deeply insecure. All her 8 inches buried deep into your soaked hole, stretching it out and making it hurt, but it felt good. "Is this what you wanted, hm?" she kept mumbling random things into the crook of your neck, not that you were listening to anything she was saying; she was fucking you dumb, and you couldn't seem to focus on anything else but her thick strap pounding into you relentlessly, hitting your cervix just right. You were a mess, literally. "Ellie...nngfuck.. slow down" you breathed out between incoherent moans, panting like a fucking dog in heat "Take it, slut. Show me how much you missed me." She hissed, thrusting hard into you, all your juices spilling out of your pussy, making a mess on your pink sheets. All she wanted to do was destroy you, mark you as hers.

"C-can't," you whined as pornographic moans left your throat. She groaned deep in her throat, savoring the sounds of pleasure falling from your lips, almost as if her life depended on them. She missed this so much. She missed you so much. She increased the pace, pushing deeper into you each time. Her hands moved to your hips, gripping them tightly as she continued to thrust her hips against yours, her thrusts becoming faster and harder, your breath coming out in heavy gasps. "So fucking tight, baby," she panted, her voice hoarse with need "You belong to me, don't you?" She bit down on your neck, her teeth grazing lightly against your delicate skin, leaving behind a mark as evidence of her claim over you; you whimpered at the sensation. You were hers, no one else's. She wanted to mark you all over, hoping your girlfriend would see the hickeys on your breasts and neck the next day.

All you could do was nod frantically, "m'yours, all yours" you babbled out, painfully arching your back. So fucking incoherent. Especially after promising yourself that you would never let her lay a finger on you ever again. But you were desperate, you needed to cum, and you needed her right now. "That's my girl, only I can fuck you like this, yeah?" Her hands roamed all over your body, pinching your nipples and rubbing your throbbing nub harshly. She wanted to hear you beg for her and admit how much you needed her. She needed you to need her.

"Tell me how much you missed my cock." She demanded, slamming into you again and again. Your high-pitched moans filled the room, each one driving her wilder. She could feel her own climax building as her clit bumped against the back of her strap with each thrust; the sound of your pleas combined with the tightness of your pussy around her strap-on were enough to push her closer and closer to the edge. You felt that familiar sensation build in your stomach; you were close. "Soo much, ahhh!...missed it, yeah.." you couldn't even put together a proper sentence. Her grip on your hips tightened, tugging slightly as she continued to thrust into you, hitting the spot that had you rolling your eyes into the back of your skull, over and over until you couldn't hold back anymore.

"That's it, whore. Cum for me. You don't belong to anyone else," she snarled, her voice laced with possession. She knew just what to do or say to push you over the edge, and it worked every single time; that's why you ran to her whenever you needed a good fuck. She could feel your body tensing up and your pretty pussy clenching around her strap-on. You came simultaneously, your combined moans filling your cozy bedroom, her well-defined abdominal muscles glistening with a thin layer of sweat. She rolled you over, so now you were on top of her, riding out your orgasm on her silicone cock as she ground her clit against the back of her strap.  "Oooh fuuuck!" you cried out as pretty moans left your mouth. She took in the sight of you on top of her, her strap still buried deep inside you, riding her cock; your tits bounced as you did so, a sight that she loved. No one did it like you. No one was remotely as good as you. She took a glimpse of your cum sliding down the strap, you were so fucking wet, and nasty wet sounds filled the room, but she loved it. "Fuck, baby," she groaned, clenching her teeth tightly together, causing her jaw muscles to bulge prominently. Her hands gripped your hips, guiding you as you moved your hips, setting the pace, your eyes locked on hers the entire time. Her fingers dug into your skin, leaving small marks that she knew would fade within hours but would always remind her of this moment. Her veiny hand reached up, grabbing one of your breasts, squeezing it firmly and twisting the nipple between her fingers. Your breath came out in ragged gasps, her eyes never leaving yours as she watched you take her cock like the fucking slut you were. "Taking me so well, such a good girl f'me, aren't ya?"

"El..." you whined as she toyed with your nipple. You weren't going to last long; you were still sensitive and your pussy couldn't handle it. "'m gonna cum again!" you cried out once again, bouncing faster on her thick strap. She watched you with unabashed hunger, her eyes never leaving your body as it moved above her. She thrust up, meeting your movements, pushing you closer to the edge. The sight of your tits bouncing in time with your thrusts and the strap disappearing inside your juicy-coated pussy almost made Ellie cum right then and there. Your thighs started to tremble, and she could feel you clench around her dick; your gasps and moans becoming more frequent. She wasted no time, her fingers digging into your hips as she slammed you down on her strap, making you cry out her name, "Just like that, yeah...take it."

When you finally collapsed against her, panting heavily, Ellie couldn't help but smile. "Mine," she rasped, her voice thick with possession and satisfaction. As your bodies finally came down from their highs, breaths slowly returning to normal, she pulled out of you, leaving your wet and sore pussy gaping open. You whined at the sensation, suddenly feeling empty.

The smile plastered on her face faded as you pulled away, the coldness in your voice seeping into the air between you two as you told her to return to her girlfriend. She reluctantly mimicked your movements and sat up, breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her eyes met yours, searching for any trace of warmth or affection, but all she found was distance. She grabbed her clothes and started to dress herself quickly, trying to calm down, her movements precise and controlled, hiding the hurt and anger she felt at your words. She was confused. You had called her, and she thought you were ready to take her back into your life. She wasn't expecting you to discard her like a toy. "I see how it is," she muttered, her voice cold and distant. She gathered her belongings, not meeting your gaze. "I shouldn't have come here." When she was fully clothed, Ellie turned to face you, her eyes filled with regret and anger.

"Yeah, you shouldn't have," your tone coming off as sharp and cold. You put your shirt on, struggling to process what happened. You missed her so fucking much, and the sex with her was also something you missed a lot. You knew she was right when she told you that no one could fuck you like she did; your girlfriend couldn't even make you cum, while Ellie knew precisely how to touch you to make you feel good. "Can't believe it...Dina, really?" you muttered under your breath as you got dressed, catching her off guard. Your outburst was so sudden neither you could understand it. She could sense the jealousy in your voice and knew exactly what was going on, and the realization made her feel a twinge of satisfaction. "Is this what it's all about? Me fucking with Dina?" she scoffed, her eyes rolling in annoyance. But despite her outward annoyance, she was secretly glad you still cared and got jealous. It meant that you had never indeed gotten over her. You struggled to maintain eye contact with her, the words "Just…get out" barely escaped your lips. You felt a burning sense of shame for letting your jealousy get the best of you, but at the same time, you couldn't help but release all the pent-up emotions you had been holding in for so long.

She snorted from her nose, shaking her head in disbelief, almost amused by all this "Just say the word, and I'll dump her ass," she said in a flat tone, her emerald green eyes staring right back at you as she placed her hands on her hips. You could tell she was serious, as there was a hint of desperation in her voice. She was hoping you'd ask her to drop Dina's ass and come back to you, but of course, you didn't. "I would do anything for you" desperate, so fucking desperate. You let out a deep sigh and firmly shook your head, looking into her eyes. You could see the pain and desperation in her gaze, but you couldn't just let her back into your life like that. "Go," you repeated yourself. "Fine, whatever," she sounded so pissed, disappointed. For a moment, you wanted to take your words back, but you knew that letting her into your life again was the worst idea ever.

✩ That night only made it incredibly difficult for you to move on from her (not that you could before), but she was all you could think of. You found yourself constantly yearning for her at every moment of the day. You'd often text her, and she would always come over, no matter what she was in the middle of. She was willing to drop everything to be with you and 8 inches inside you or between your thighs. Even if she was out with Dina, she didn't seem to care — it became obvious that something was going on between you and Ellie. You couldn't understand how Dina couldn't tell that Ellie was cheating on her with you.

6:34 pm "Baby, need you" 6:36 pm "I'm so wet, been thinking about you all day :(" 6:37 pm "proof??"

✩ One of the things you used to do quite regularly was sending her nudes. You would send her nudes on Snapchat unexpectedly, mostly to surprise her or get some sort of reaction from her. Sending snaps to tease her was one of your favorite things to do. Whether it was a picture of you in sexy lingerie or a video of you playing with your pussy, riding the purple strap she had left at your place weeks ago. You loved making her horny, and it always worked. She would always end up knocking at your door, eager to fuck you or eat you out.

"Teasin' me like that in public — tsskk," She mumbled against your throbbing core as she teased your clit with her tongue. Your legs were on her shoulders, and you watched her head disappear between your thighs. Your fingers tightly gripped into her auburn hair as she devoured like a starved animal, so pussy drunk. But even in that state, she was such a sight.

✩ You were the only one she could think about, even when fucking her girlfriend. Her mind too fixated on the cute little whimpers that left your mouth when she was inside you or sucking on your clit. The way your legs trembled when you were close, your hips jerking away from her when it became too much for you. No one could make her wet like you did, it was a fucking curse having to fuck someone else while thinking of you, hoping that would be enough to trick her brain into thinking she was fucking you instead.

✩ She would save each of your snaps into her phone's gallery and meticulously organize them into a special and hidden folder she had created just for you. This folder contained not just your nudes but plenty of other stuff — from intimate pictures you'd send her to videos she'd take while fucking you. She would go through the folder occasionally for personal use (iykwim).

✩ Your girlfriend was quick to pick up on something odd going on. She'd notice how you would turn your phone upside down, making sure the screen was facing whatever surface to make sure she wouldn't see your ex-girlfriend spamming your phone with texts (she would do it on purpose, by the way). That's how she knew something was up, but for some odd reason, she brushed it off.

✩ She was fed up with your stupid girlfriend constantly in the way. Why weren't you breaking up with her already? She couldn't understand; she was trying to be the best version of herself for you, yet you were still not hers. She tried everything to get you caught, like texting you while your girlfriend was around, sending you risky snaps, calling you...but nothing seemed to be working. So, she decided to hurry things up by texting your girlfriend and sending her some evidence.

She selected a video from her gallery to send to your girlfriend, writing a text message to go along with it before hitting the 'send' button "is this ur girl?" In the video, she was strapping you from behind, and you were telling her exactly what she needed to hear, "Better than your stupid girlfriend, yeah?" "Y-yes. Oooh fuckk. nhhmmm...faster, please" "Can she fuck you like this, hmm?" "No one can fuck me like y-you do...pleaseplease faster"

✩ Your girlfriend felt hurt and betrayed after realizing that you were using her to make your ex jealous, and she ended things between you two. You didn't seem to be affected by the breakup significantly, as if you had been expecting it all along. Honestly, it was almost as if the relationship never existed to you.

✩ Despite feeling indifferent towards your recent breakup, you were furious that Ellie had been the one who caused the end of your relationship. Who was she to control your life in such a way? Well, she couldn't give a fuck, to be quite honest. Seeing you with other girls consumed her from the inside. Nevertheless, she did not break up with Dina.

✩ But of course, you couldn't just let it slide. You already had a plan.

You were at Ellie's place, your back pressed onto her messy blankets, your leg on top of her shoulder as she held the other one firm, adjusting herself on top of you, to be more precise... on your pussy; grinding her wet pussy against your dripping cunt as filthy wet sounds and whimpers echoed in the room. Her hips moved in a slow motion, her green forest eyes fixated on yours. You reached to her nightstand to grab her phone, "Can I...nghhm... record us, baby?" you managed to utter between soft moans as she rode you, her movements became more desperate, chasing her own orgasm. "Record how good m'fuckin' this pussy?" her voice was husky, her breath ragged. Her head rolled back as she continued to grind against you, moaning at the friction, and her eyes fluttered shut. You unlocked her phone and quickly went through her contacts, pressing on Dina's name to start the call. Although the plan seemed foolish and overused, it worked out perfectly.

Dina appeared at Ellie's doorstep in no time to shout at her while you listened from her bedroom. You were amused by the drama that was unfolding before you. It was entertaining to watch Ellie deny the evidence. Dina's voice rose higher and higher as she accused her of sleeping with her ex. When Dina stormed out of the apartment and slammed the front door behind her, you emerged from your hiding spot and leaned against the doorframe, gazing at her with a mischievous grin on your face. Your arms were crossed over your chest as you watched her, waiting to see her reaction. When she turned to look at you, her face etched with confusion and surprise. You shrugged nonchalantly and said, "My finger slipped," with a lopsided smile.

She snorted and shook her head, but you could see the amusement in her expression, "Such a bitch," she said, though you could tell she was trying to suppress a smile. For some reason, she couldn't help but find it funny, she knew she deserved it.

✩ She gradually made her way back into your life, taking slow but steady steps to regain your trust and affection. And before you knew it, she asked you to be her girlfriend again. You hesitated at first but eventually gave in to the strong feelings you still had for her. The first few months of your second chance together seemed to be going smoothly, or so you thought. Then, one day, out of the blue, she broke up with you, claiming that she needed a break from the relationship.

✩ Your heart was shattered into countless pieces, struggling to comprehend where it had all gone wrong. And to make things worse, it seemed like you were the only one suffering, while she appeared to be completely fine, almost as if she were unbothered by the whole situation. You had poured your heart out, begging her to give your relationship another try, but she seemed to be holding back, almost...distant.

✩ But that didn't stop you; you were determined to win her back. You tried everything in your power to get her to love you again, just like she used to do when she wanted to win you back. You started showing up at her place unannounced, always with little surprises for her: her favorite snacks, flowers, handmade stuff, and love letters. But unfortunately, all your efforts seemed to be in vain. The more you tried, the more she pushed you away. You couldn't tell how she had switched so fast and went from doing anything to get back with you to this. 

✩ When you asked her for an explanation, she said she felt emotionally unavailable. She went on to say that she wasn't sure if she still loved you and that she needed a break. You could see the hurt in her eyes and feel the weight of her words as they slowly sank in. It was a devastating blow that left you feeling utterly destroyed. The pain you felt was almost too much to bear.

✩ She promised to come back to you once she felt better. Months passed, and she didn't return. You were left feeling lost and heartbroken, struggling to cope with the pain of the breakup. To move on, you tried to distract yourself with other things, keeping yourself busy with work, hobbies, and spending time with friends. As time went on, you slowly began to heal and accept that it was over. When she unexpectedly came back, you were already over her.

"im ready to give us another try" "Ellie, it's been a fucking year." "and?"

[oddinary4bts]

The Forgotten Spaces | ch 6 (jjk)

☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in previous/later chapters)

☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff

☆warnings: mentions of sex/hot tub scene. hickey. angst (oops), might be a curse somewhere in there?

☆word count: 5.8k

☆series masterpost here

☆a/n: I am very sorry for all the angst that is to follow. Please don't hate me and please enjoy reading still haha! Thank you to @moonleeai for her beta reading on this fic, I won't ever thank you enough, you're the best <3

☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces

☆☆☆☆☆

For this meeting of our end of the world

It's with you that I want to sing

On the threshold of the memories the dead of today

Them that breathe for us

The forgotten spaces

Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)

☆☆☆☆☆

Sunday, July 8th

                Waking up next to Jungkook feels weird. You reckon it might be because you haven’t slept a lot, and people are already moving around the cottage. You’ve refused to open your eyes so far, just because you’ve heard Jiho and Hobi whispering about you and Jungkook and you feel too much of a coward to admit you probably fucked things up with him already.

You think Jiho has taken a picture. Knowing her, she definitely has, and you wish you could just disappear for a time. You eventually force yourself to get up though, before Jungkook who is still dead asleep when you move to the kitchen. You suffer through Jiho’s questioning, but she quickly notices that you’re shut off, lost in thought and maybe even dabbling in a little regret too.

From there she shuts down everyone that asks questions, and by the time Jungkook gets up, everyone is just pretending they haven’t noticed that something definitely happened between the two of you.

Jungkook doesn’t really look at you. He eats breakfast chatting with Taehyung and Jin, avoiding you like the plague. You can tell you’ve hurt him, but you don’t know how to fix it. After all, you’ve never really been acquainted with feelings yourself. Especially not after your parents’ divorce.

The day feels heavy. It’s still warm outside, far too much, and a veil of dark clouds is looming over the horizon by the time you have to leave the cottage. Your mood imitates the weather, and you find yourself brooding more than you usually do.

You haven’t been able to talk to Jungkook yet. Mostly because he’s been avoiding you, yes. But also because you don’t know what to tell him.

“Hey, I’m shit at relationships and feelings, yesterday felt too real” sounds like too much of a confession. Even though it is the truth, you’re a coward, through and through.

Jiho’s been trying to get your mind off things. Texting you random stupid things, sending you memes as Hobi drives the four of you home. Heather is riding with Chaeyeon, Lance and Bridget this time around, so there’s a space between you and Jungkook. This time, when he falls asleep, he falls asleep with his head resting against the window, and not on your shoulder.

It starts raining halfway home, and Hobi drives slower, windshield wiper going on full blast. Jiho sends you yet another meme – something absurd you can’t bring yourself to find funny. It earns you a frown from your best friend, and a second later your phone vibrates in your hand.

[1:23 pm] Jiho❣️: u’re supposed to laugh☹️ [1:23 pm] You: i want to talk to Jungkook but idk what to tell him🫠 [1:25 pm] Jiho❣️: what really happened yesterday? i wanna help but it’s hard if idk [1:26 pm] You: we made out in the hot tub then fucked when we were supposed to sleep🤡 [1:26 pm] Jiho❣️: bruh i wish i had a make-out session in the hot tub [1:27 pm] You: 🙄🙄 [1:27 pm] Jiho❣️: sorry [1:27 pm] Jiho❣️: pretty sure more than just fucking happened considering both of you are upset [1:30 pm] You: i told him we shouldn’t have fucked after and he got upset [1:31 pm] Jiho❣️: bitch he’s into u ofc he’ll be upset [1:31 pm] You: u’re not helping [1:32 pm] Jiho❣️: are u into him?

You don’t know the answer. You ask yourself that question for the rest of the day, and you reckon you really don’t know. A lot changed between you and Jungkook over the weekend, but it’s hard to ignore the fact you have never really liked him. Because he was a dick and a bully to you for years.

It’s not something you think you can just forget because you’ve had sex with him once. And you don’t even know if you’d be interested in a relationship with him anyway. You’ve never been in a relationship before at all, and the thought of it terrifies you.

The thought of Jungkook being upset with you terrifies you in equal measures, but you refuse to admit it to yourself. Maybe because you’re trying to protect yourself. It’s hard to tell. You feel like you won’t be able to go through your feelings by yourself – they’re overwhelming, all of them.

Thinking about Jungkook is overwhelming. Thinking about dancing under the stars, about his scar, about the way he held onto you after he finished. Everything is overwhelming, and it makes you anxious. Jumpy, even, as you’re sitting in your room in your mother’s empty house later at night.

You’re halfway through a Studio Ghibli movie that was supposed to help you relax when you decide to text your therapist to schedule an appointment this week. It feels like the right thing to do – you know Mary has always been able to help you sort through your thoughts, even though you haven’t seen her in months.

You don’t expect her to reply tonight considering it’s late in the evening, but you linger on your messaging app. You can’t resist but scroll down a little, down to where Jungkook’s name lies on the screen. You click on the conversation, rereading the last messages he sent you from when he was drunk a little over a week ago. It makes your heart squeeze in your chest a little, and you scroll all the way up to the first time he texted you in April. You haven’t talked much at all, so it’s not like there’s a lot, but you can’t help yourself. You reread everything, entirely ignoring the movie playing on your laptop.

When you’re done reading, you find yourself typing a text even though you don’t know what to say. It seems your fingers know, because a moment later you find yourself staring at a fully formed sentence. It looks as if it’s taunting you, and you reread it so many times the words start to lose their meaning.

[9:47 pm] You: hey, i really enjoyed the weekend with u and i’m genuinely really sorry about yesterday…

It takes you all the courage your body can conjure up to press send. You immediately turn off your phone to focus on your laptop and on the movie, though it doesn’t really work at all. The anxiety the message has brought up in you makes the story of Totoro way too hard to follow, and you’re merely watching the scenes, barely even blinking.

When the movie ends, you get ready for bed. You haven’t dared check your phone yet, but a little bit of anticipation has been steadily building inside of you. Because you hope he’ll answer. You hope you won’t have to explain why you are the way that you are for things to go back to normal with him. Maybe because offering him your vulnerability feels like too much of a commitment for someone that doesn’t do commitments at all.

You know you’ll hate yourself at your internship the next day, but you can’t really sleep after you’ve settled under the comforter in your bed. It’s way past midnight when you finally gather the courage to look at your phone, teeth worrying at your bottom lip.

Your empty notification screen stares back at you, as if to say ‘you really thought that would change anything?’

You sigh, putting your phone away on your night table before turning on your side, grabbing a pillow to hold. It’s still raining outside, and your brain focuses on the splattering of rain on the panes of the window. You think maybe Jungkook went to bed early, considering you didn’t get a lot of sleep in the last two days. Maybe he’s asleep and will reply tomorrow…

You cling onto that hope as the sound of the rain finally lulls you to a troubled sleep.

Tuesday, July 10th

                Jungkook has been in a shit mood. He knows why, and it’s strange to think that it’s not his leg for once. What makes it worse is that everyone around him knows too, thanks to the hickey on his neck.

And it’s only worse when you don’t show up to dance practice. Jiho mentions something about you being stuck at your internship, but Jungkook doesn’t ask. He feels like maybe he could text you to make sure you’re okay. His heart wants him to do it, but his mind is stronger.

And his mind has been winning the war against his heart so far. He won’t cave in now. But he’s still in a shit mood when he gets home after practice. It feels even worse when he sees Taehyung and Jo cuddled up on the couch, and Jimin sprawled up on the floor.

Jimin’s texting away on his phone, and Taehyung meets Jungkook’s gaze where he stopped by the door.

“Practice is already done?” Taehyung asks.

It brings Jimin and Jo’s attention to Jungkook. He just stands there for a time, not knowing what to say.

Not wanting to admit he wrapped dance practice earlier because he was pissed that you weren’t there.

“Yeah,” Jungkook lets out flatly. He finally starts moving again, aiming straight to the kitchen.

He misses the way Jo and Taehyung exchange a concerned look when he passes in front of them, or maybe he just ignores it. He’s been ignoring Jo since the weekend, because it feels like too much pressure to admit that her plan worked and failed in the same night.

Yes, he got to sleep with you, but he’d take it back if he could. Just so it wouldn’t lead to where you’re standing now. Because he’s never replied to your text on Sunday night. Maybe because it was too early, and seeing it just pissed him off more.

Or maybe he’s just trying to preserve himself because he’s realized being with you might be a lot more complicated than previously thought.

He’s pouring cereal in a bowl when he receives a text. He fears that he’s conjured you up for a few seconds, but then he reads the name at the head of the notification. Laura. He furrows his brows, reading her text a few times over to make sure he’s read well. On his fifth reading he reckons the words won’t change even if he keeps glaring at them.

And Laura doesn’t deserve him being upset with her too. Actually, he realizes she might be just what he needs – a distraction, perhaps. Because all he wants is to forget how it felt to be with you last Saturday. And it’s not even about the sex. No, the part that’s been sticking with him is the moment between the hot tub and the sex. When he laid his heart on the table for you.

Had he known you were going to step on it a little under an hour later, Jungkook knows he would have never asked you to dance. It was a stupid request, one that made everything too real.

He can’t really blame you for getting scared. Because he knows that’s what it is. You got scared when he told you you should have slept together before, and he’s been embarrassed since then. Because he said the words in the heat of the action, and even though he meant them – means them – he’d rather not have told you.

Because now when he thinks of you he’s embarrassed, upset, and of course he’s pissed. He’s been in a shit mood after all.

He sighs, pushing his hair back before moving to the fridge to grab the milk. He pours some in the bowl, before grabbing a spoon in the drawer and making his way to the table, where he sits to eat the cereals. He’s halfway through his bowl when he finally decides to open his phone and reply to Laura.

[9:01 pm] Laura: Hey, I gotta admit… I’d like to see you sometime this week? If you’re up for it ofc [9:08 pm] Jungkook: yes ofc! i’m free tmrw evening if u want😌

He doesn’t even know if he actually wants to see her. It makes him think of when he helped her with her camera last week. Laura is sweet. Cute and shy. She’s his type, he can’t deny it. But she’s nice, and he doesn’t think she deserves him using her as a distraction.

He reckons he’s a mess. You’ve been messing with his head far too much, and he doesn’t like that you have that power over him. He doesn’t want anyone to have that power over him.

Yet it’s relieving that for once his mind isn’t clouded with dark thoughts related to the accident. Because he can’t really think about the accident when you’re there whenever he closes his eyes. When he can almost feel your warmth lingering under his fingers, along his body. When he thinks he can still smell your shampoo, and feel your soft skin.

The way that he feels disgusts him. It makes him scoff, and he’s frowning as he finishes eating his cereals. The frown only relaxes when Laura texts him again.

[9:12 pm] Laura: I’m available too! There’s a restaurant I’ve been wanting to try? Is that something you’d like to do?

The way that she texts sounds formal. It makes him laugh, and he finds himself replying,

[9:13 pm] Jungkook: wait, so then it’s a date date uh? [9:16 pm] Laura: Maybe?☺️ [9:17 pm] Jungkook: is 7 o’clock good for u?

He doesn’t really know what he’s doing. He doesn’t usually do real dates, preferring hanging out at the girl’s place or inviting her over for one of the many parties they usually host. But he needs the distraction, right?

And when he’s texting Laura, he realizes he’s not thinking about you as much. It’s relieving after the last few days, and really, maybe he should just give her a chance.

Wednesday, July 11th

                Your therapist works in a building that’s surprisingly not too far from your internship. You were able to schedule an appointment for tonight, which is a relief.

You’ve been thinking about this weekend so much you haven’t been able to focus at the internship. So much so that you were stuck at the office later yesterday. You didn’t mind having to skip the dance practice though – you were glad you didn’t have to see Jungkook.

But now, it’s time for you to sort out your thoughts about the whole situation. As much as pretending that everything is fine can be fun, you also hate the way your mind wanders every night. Especially considering Jungkook never replied to your text last Sunday.

You feel like he’s slipping through your fingers. And maybe he is, and maybe all of this will be for nothing.

Well, not necessarily nothing, since it’s always good to get a grip of yourself.

You sigh, and you walk into the building right before a rain shower starts. You’re relieved you were able to avoid getting wet, and you walk to the front desk to give your name to the lady. She puts you in the computer and then tells you to sit in the waiting room. You thank her, and you’ve barely had time to sit when Mary comes to get you.

Mary’s office hasn’t changed one bit since the last time you sought her help in February. You sit on the same couch, and she offers you a glass of water as she greets you. And then she asks what brings you there.

At that you still. You freeze, like a deer in headlights, because for a moment you’re terrified of having to say the words aloud. Terrified to admit you felt something last Saturday, and you think you’ve already screwed it all up. She listens to you intently, and you watch her scribble on her pad as you do so. You’re tempted to read what she’s written; you’ve always wondered what it is that therapists write on that notebook of theirs.

Is she piecing out your soul the way that you feel like she is?

You tell her everything. You tell her about how Jungkook came back into your life, differently this time. You tell her about the dance practices, and about your internship too. You tell her about last weekend, and you reveal every little dirty thought your brain dared to think. Mary doesn’t judge, and when you’re done, the only thing she says is, “You’re really good at psycho-analyzing yourself”.

You reckon she’s right. Because you know exactly why you acted the way that you did – with the example your parents gave you of love growing up, it’s hard to actually love. It’s even harder to deconstruct it, to deconstruct the fear until you can build yourself back into someone that can love.

It’s not that you think you can’t. You love Jiho, Jisung and their family plenty. But it’s different when it’s love with a big L. It’s always been, and you’ve never once really wanted to change it.

But now you do. You’ve been using your fears to protect yourself from others for far too long.

Mary makes a plan with you. Nothing too big, but she does suggest scheduling another appointment next week. Because you knowing what you need to do is half of the work, yes, but you still need to put it into practice. You agree with her, and you leave her office feeling lighter than you’ve felt in days.

The plan is for you to ask Jungkook if you can talk. You have the option to wait until tomorrow at dance practice, or to text him tonight, just so he knows in advance that you want to talk to him. Mary favoured the latter, saying that it’d give him time to prepare if he has things to tell you too.

You have no idea if he does, but the moment on Saturday felt heavy. You doubt there’s been nothing on his mind since then… because you were there. You know how it felt like, under the stars and after that. And the whole weekend, if you’re honest to yourself. You doubt he was immune to it.

You decide to wait a little before you text him. Just to make sure you really are going to do this. Because it feels like you’re standing at the top of a cliff, and you’ve never been a cliff diver. No, you’re far too afraid of heights. But the fact that you haven’t been able to get Jungkook off your mind tells you enough: you’d jump off the highest cliff for him.

Because if you don’t risk it, what is there to win?

So it’s later that night, when you’re rewatching your favourite anime, that you find yourself pausing the show. You go to your messaging app, and heart beating out of your chest you type a message. Something simple, something straight to the point. Because the fact he ignored your last message says enough: Jungkook won’t cave in for apologies, especially not over text.

You settle on,

[9:31 pm] You: hey jk! can we talk tmrw after practice?😌

You press send before you can convince yourself that this is not a good idea, and anxiety blooms in every inch of you. It’s a foreign feeling: you’ve never been so anxious when it came to someone else before in your life.

Watching your favourite anime after that has never been so hard.

Thursday, July 12th

                You don’t want to go to practice. Everything feels like it’s going too fast and too slow at the same time: waiting for Jungkook to reply is excruciatingly long, and having to head to the dance studio is coming far too quickly.

Jungkook hasn’t replied. You texted Mary about it – she said to see in person if Jungkook wants to talk, but to also respect it if he doesn’t. It makes you far less hopeful than you were when you got out of her office yesterday, but you know she is right.

If this is his way of setting a boundary, you will have to respect. No matter how much it upsets you.

So it’s in an anxious state of mind that you make your way to the studio. You run into Jiho on the way, and you’re worrying at your bottom lip when she asks, “What’s wrong?”

Your steps falter a little, and you throw her a side glance. “Uh?”

“What’s wrong with you?” she asks.

She knows that you used to see a therapist. But telling her that you saw Mary again about Jungkook feels like too big of a confession. It gives him too much power, and you’re not sure you’re ready for that. But you can tell some parts of the truth, can you?

“I’m going to try and talk to Jungkook tonight.”

Jiho remains suspiciously silent for a time. “Are you sure you want to talk to him?”

“I guess,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. “I just feel bad about this weekend.” Jiho offers you a sad smile, as your eyes fall to the concrete in front of you. “It’s just like, I don’t know, I liked where last weekend was going and I don’t want it to go back to the way things were before.” You pause, already feeling a little lighter now that you’ve started talking to your best friend. “Like I know I got scared and all, but he’s actually pretty decent?”

Now, Jiho’s smile has turned knowing, and she nudges you with her elbow. “I think I saw that coming from miles away but I didn’t want you to kill me.”

“Uh?” you let out, feeling a little confused.

“Everyone always thought you two were into each other,” she admits, and she laughs loudly when you push her. “Exactly why I didn’t want to tell you,” she says when her laughter subsides as you offer her a fake glare, lips jutting out in a small pout.

“I mean, I don’t even know if that’s where things are going,” you say. Your fear returns, and you’re back to nibbling on your lower lip. “Like, maybe I just fucked up too bad?”

“Did you talk since then?” Jiho asks.

You refuse to look at her when you reply. “No. He ignored my texts.”

From the corner of your eyes you see Jiho wince. Because she knows just as well as you what it probably means, and you don’t want to hear her say it.

“What did you tell him?”

You shrug your shoulders, trying to act as indifferent as possible. “Sunday I said that I was sorry, and I asked him if we could talk after dance practice yesterday.”

“And he said nothing?”

It’s rhetorical, so you remain silent. You’re reaching the bridge, and you know the conversation will soon come to an obligated end anyway.

“Babe…”  Jiho lets out carefully. “Maybe you shouldn’t talk to him.”

It makes you scoff. “I’ll be chill, don’t worry.”

“I’m not saying you won’t be,” Jiho says. She grabs your arm to make you stop. “Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk.”

You free your arm from her grip, though she was already letting you go. “I’ll ask. We’ll see. I just want to clear the air.”

Jiho holds your defiant gaze for a while, before nodding once. “Alright. Sounds good. You let me know what he says.” She pauses for a few seconds, before adding, “And we’re still on for Thirsty Thursdays after that.”

Of course you are, and of course you’ll tell her. She’s your best friend after all, and you don’t remember a time when you really hid anything from her.

It doesn’t stop your heart from aching in your chest as you near the studio.

*****

                Dance practice feels weird. You can’t help your eyes from diverting to Jungkook where he’s standing, next to the mirrors. He’s good at pretending he doesn’t feel your gaze on him, yet more than once you catch him already looking.

He looks good. He’s in paler clothes than his usual today – light blue jeans with an oversized white t-shirt – and his hair is ruffled by the way he keeps running his hands through it. He looks like he doesn’t care, almost. Because you can tell he’s anxious about something whenever you catch him pulling at his piercing, eyebrows slightly furrowed over his eyes.

You don’t know when you started being able to read him so well, but you surely can now.

He calls dance practice off earlier than his usual, and he still hasn’t really looked at you. You’re pretty sure everyone has noticed by now, especially considering the fact Jiho hasn’t really been subtle about it. She’s glaring at Jungkook most of the time, and he just shrugs his shoulders to her.

It’s weird. Something is off, but if you’re going to do this, you’ll do it, right?

It’s in that anxious state of mind that you approach him as everyone filters out. His hands are buried in his pockets and he’s leaning against the mirror. It’s like he’s waiting for you, and you figure maybe he did read your message after all.

The first few seconds of standing in front of him are far more awkward than anything you’ve ever experienced in your entire life. You don’t know what to say, don’t know where to start, and Jungkook’s head is hanging too low for you to be able to catch his gaze without invading his personal space. So you stay rooted in your spot, and you wait for him to look at you. It takes a while, but he eventually looks up.

You’re taken aback by the bitter annoyance his features hold. “What?”

You’ve written in your notes app what you wanted to say. You’ve even practiced it, but now you don’t remember a single word.

His eyes are sad. It’s the only thing that feels different on his features. The rest is all annoyed: his eyebrows are furrowed, the corners of his lips are pointing downwards. His shoulders are low, defeated, and he seems to realize it because he straightens and folds his arms on his chest.

“Uh,” you choke out against the anxiety that’s building up inside of you. “I just…”

“If you want to apologize again, I received your message last Sunday.”

You brush a strand of your hair behind your ear, before folding your arms on your chest too. “Why did you ignore me?”

He shrugs, shaking his head a little as he looks away. “I have nothing to tell you.”

“Jungkook, can you please not? We’re adults.”

“Yeah, and I’m choosing to not be talking with you. I’m sure you can respect that?”

You can. You definitely can. But at the same time you can’t. Not when he says it like that, like it’s some sort of an insult.

“Why are you overreacting like that?”

“Because I’m fucking embarrassed about last weekend!” he bursts. “I wish it never happened.”

It hurts. It stings and burns, and you hold your arms tighter against you. “You’re embarrassed? Is that why you said you wished we did it earlier?”

His gaze turns vicious, like he’s a viper waiting to strike. “See, that’s exactly why I do not want to talk to you. I don’t think we can be friends either. We’ve never been friends, like you oh so kindly reminded me, and that won’t change.”

You close your eyes, taking a deep breath to relax, because this is not where you want this conversation to be going. “Listen,” you say after a few seconds of silence, “I really don’t want to be fighting with you. I just want to clear the air.”

“The air is cleared,” he says as you open your eyes to meet his fiery gaze again. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to do.”

You’re struck then. You feel like you either have the choice to confess or to stick to your anger. And you try to confess, you really do. It’s not like with Jiho – Jungkook was part of the moment Saturday, he was there with you under the stars. So it shouldn’t be too hard to tell him, to say you got scared.

You open your mouth to say the words, and shut it immediately as he scoffs.

“See, I don’t even think we should be speaking at all,” he says. There’s a fraction of a second when you’re convinced you can read pain in his gaze before he continues, “I’m actually seeing Laura, and I don’t want to fuck that up.”

Every word you’ve ever known vanishes from your mind. You just stand there for a moment, mouth hanging open, ears ringing as you look at him. You feel like you’re falling, or maybe you’re getting crushed. It’s hard to tell. It’s equally as hard to breathe, and your lungs burn as oxygen fills them.

“What?”

“I went on a date with Laura and I actually like the girl, I don’t want to fuck things up by talking to you,” he says, slowly, as if he needs to hammer every word into your head.

Laura? The girl from his class?

“Isn’t that the girl you told me you don’t care about?”

Your voice is somehow flat. Empty of the emotions it held just a few seconds ago.

“I went on a date with her and I like her,” he repeats as if you’re stupid and didn’t understand the first time around. As if your heart is not breaking in your chest, infinitely so.

You didn’t know how big your heart is until this moment, when every beat just breaks a little more, and all you can think to do is hold yourself tighter. As if it’ll stop the breaking.

“When?”

“Why do you want to know?” he asks, and his eyes fall shut as he pinches the bridge of his nose. You really do feel stupid then, stupid and foolish and everything in between. Like you’re a five-years-old that keeps messing her right from her left.

“I… how the fuck did you go on a date with her already, it’s been four days?”

“A lot can change in four days, Y/n,” he drawls.

You think your nails might be digging in your palms from how hard you’re clenching your fists. “Wow.”

The studio falls silent. It’s heavy, and maybe the silence is what’s been crushing you. Because you were expecting it – the moment you and Jungkook wouldn’t have anything else to tell each other. Because for everything you were willing to confess, now there’s just an empty spot inside of you.

You hold his gaze. He doesn’t look all that infuriated anymore. Defeated, yes, and maybe a little deflated. He looks like he didn’t expect the conversation to go there.

But you were right. Turns out you were right and you are too late. You can’t help but hate him for it.

“You don’t waste your time, do you?” you ask, and you scoff bitterly. “You fuck one girl and then another in just a few days. Suits you well.”

He rolls his eyes. “As I said, I wish we didn’t sleep together. If I could take last weekend back I would.” He shrugs then, shaking his head a little. “I’m sure you understand.”

You purse your lips, trying to keep them from trembling as you feel a lump form in your throat. “I can’t believe you’re already fucking some other girl.”

“Okay, Y/n, as if that’s going to change anything.”

You nod, and you find yourself fleeing his gaze. Because you don’t want him to see how you’re breaking inside. How every piece of you turns inside out, until you’re bleeding out standing there in front of him.

“Just…”

You think about the stars. You think about the way he led you in that dance, the way his eyes shone as he looked at you.

Jungkook is cataclysmic. He really is. And cataclysms are rarely good, are they? They can create, yes, the way the universe was once created, but they destroy. They destroy and destroy until nothing remains, until you just feel like you’re drowning and burning all at once.

“Save your breath,” he says. You think his gaze is shining again, and you don’t think it’s shining for the same reason that it was under the stars. “And I mean that in the most respectful way.”

“Right. As if that would ever sound respectful.”

He rolls his eyes again. “Yeah, whatever. I’m done here.”

It occurs to you that you’re about to watch someone you care about walk out of your life again. You want to reach out and hold him, to tell him how you feel, to say how everything has started to hurt, but you can’t. You can just look at him, hold his gaze until he makes the decision to go.

He’s gone before you’ve truly assimilated just how bad everything went. Just how far south things went, and how fiercely everything burns. And you stand there for a long time, holding yourself, waiting for the heartbreak to stop. But the thing with heartbreak is that it never fully stops, does it? You just learn to deal with it better.

It’s weird. You never thought you could be cold and burning at the same time. But if this is hell, then hell has frozen over because you’re shivering, just holding yourself.

You feel like you’re sixteen again, like you watched your dad walk out of your life again. Maybe because Jungkook really was the cataclysm to you, and now you’re stuck with the aftermath.

But you don’t cry. No, you hold the tears in. Force them to dry without having rolled on your cheeks, convince them that you don’t care. It’s something you’re good at. Pretending. Because maybe you’ve been pretending you hate Jungkook for a lot longer than you thought. Maybe that’s the reason why it hurts so bad.

But you won’t cry, no. You won’t cry for Jeon Jungkook.

You get home later that night, after having walked through a daze for the whole evening. You’re drunk, and you’re still aching from the inside out. Your phone is in your hand, and you’ve been on Jungkook’s conversation for so long without blinking that your eyes have fully gone dry.

You watch the text you’ve just sent, the only proof that you ever cared about Jungkook.

[2:31 am] You: i reall y wish things ddn’t go so bad

It takes you three days to realize it never delivered.

Friday, July 20th

                It takes Jungkook a little under two weeks to officialise things with Laura. It’s moving quickly, he’s aware of it, but he’s been trying to ignore the way he saw your heart break in your eyes. It seems the best way to do it is to watch feelings swell in someone else’s gaze, and so he asks Laura to be his girlfriend after their third date.

She says yes, beaming like she’s the sun personified.

Still, when Jungkook closes his eyes at night, all he sees is your heart breaking in your eyes.

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yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh.. my bad. I really went far with this angst uh? What do we think? What's going to happen next?

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.

Taglist (strike-through means dumblr is not letting me tag you):

@chimchimmarierie | @pamzn | @sugaluvmyg | @tearyjjeonon | @jkclouds | @libra04 | @parkinglot-nights | @ggukieasy | @omnomnomtron | @jichimx | @synnfulqt | @leedoesntknaur | @pornichett | @melodiesforari | @oopscoop | @nadzzzblog | @amylouisecullen | @sunwooful | @parkethereal | @jeonhvvrs | @daisies-and-dandelionpuffs

[someonewhogotanaccount]

It's intro post time!

Hi! I'm KitCat!

~The end~

Okay okay maybe you need a little bit more.

As I already said, I'm KitCat, master procatsinator and moving catastrophe, nice to meet you. (Though, everybody calls me KitKat, Kit or Chocosy, which is perfectly fine as well as any other name you want to give me ;)

I'm a minor, so all the creeps please leave now. My motto in life is "live and let live", so if you're here to hurt somebody, please leave too. Thank you :).

The typical things (that I actually forgot when I first posted this): I'm a straight white European Christian girl (teenager) and therefore probably the person with the most boring background, according to Tumblr ;).

I have two "adopted daughters": 1. My Killercat and tuna-demanding master Pauline 2. ";)", the bracket face (she can adapt any form of bracket face if she wants to, but the winking one is her favourite)

Some random facts about me: - my favourite colour is something between purple and dark blue - I have no clue how to write the word color/colour - I'm a German and from Germany (obviously) - I have no clue about the 'typical German culture', since my family was in Poland, Ukraine, Kazakhstan and Russia for around three hundred years and only came back to Germany 30 years ago or so - I love brackets and bracket faces - I have no clue about aesthetics - I consider myself a writer - I have no clue how to continue my stories - I love cats (who would have guessed that) - I have no clue how to make an intro post - I have a stupid sense humour - I have no clue in general but I'm trying :)

You can consider me as: Your silly Tumblr neighborhood KitCat and founder of the hug-ducks ;).

Do I take Tumblr serious? No. I'm that one friend that will be hyperactive the one day and then just dissappear for the next three weeks without a word. But if you ever need me, my inbox is always open. Vent as much as you want to, I'll try to comfort you.

Random stuff: I often misunderstand stuff, so if I'm acting weird, there is a 1/3 chance that I misunderstood you, a 1/3 chance I wanted to make a silly joke and you misunderstood me, and a 1/3 chance that I'm just weird ;). I'm a "Very vibey" (@mushroomcarrotstick) person, btw. @hijabi-desi-bookworm told me once I was "literally one of the best and ~vibest~ people" she knows. Do with that whatever you want, but my name is KitCat Chaos Vibey Clueless Badass Silly for a reason. Oh and if ANYBODY tells you that I'm cute, they are liars. All lies. I'm a pure badass and never ever search after the leta vs. kitkat war. It's better to let the past behind us and move on.

Sooooo, what else can I write here? Hmmm.... AH! MY MOOTS! I FORGOT MY MOOTS!!!

How do I do this now... you know what? I'll just make a list of the moots and then put the link here.

What else? Fandoms, maybe? (current obsession right on the top) - Worm (Parahumans) - Renegades - Claim the Stars (still waiting for the second book) - pjo, hoo, toa - The Inheritance Games (currently reading the second book) - tpq - kotlc - Warrior Cats (don't make fun of me. These books are my childhood and I will read them until I die) - Shadow League (never read the fourth book as it wasn't translated)

Also I enjoy listening music by Imagine Dragons :).

Yeah well, that's it, I suppose. I have an ao3 account as well, but that's only Renegades fanfiction so far. If you want the link just ask or smth.

Since everybody does this, I'll drop an "aesthetic picture" that should give the same vibes as my blog:

(source for the chaotic arson cat ;)

[blubushie]

ABOUT ME

READ THIS BEFORE YOU SEND ASKS/INTERACT. ASK BLU ANYTHING DAY (ABAD) is on the first full weekend of every month!

MINORS: Block the "#blu lewd" tag OR I WILL BLOCK YOU and do not DM me unless it's to ask to join Blucord. This goes ESPECIALLY if you're 16 or under. Adults on the internet are not your friends, and I am not comfortable speaking with you privately without a third party present.

G'day fellas! You can call me Blu, and I can be invoked like some Lovecraftian horror by mentioning Sniper in the TF2 tags. King of Sniper Lore (and Australia), Messiah of Bludaism, also known as the "Sheepshagging Roorooting Horsehumping Mountainfucking Melonpiping 13x-Divorced Breastmaster Hitman Inenrt Dingoboy Piss Cheese Jorts Bludysseus Blu'nt Bushgod Sniper Blog" despite not being a Sniper blog (and not actually shagging a sheep or rooting a roo or being married to start with or caring all that much for cannabis, I'm a psychedelics bloke). I'm just Like This.

Been told I'm the "Sniper kin of all Sniper kins." Not sure what a kin is these days but from what I've heard I'm content with not knowing.

This is my only blog. I have three sideblogs. One is @blu-doods, where I post my shitty stick figure art for laughs, and the other two are @art-reblugs, where I reblog art on (I reblog art here too, but the pickings are far more slim) and @post-reblugs (same as art but for text posts).

Again, not a Sniper roleplay blog. That said feel free to call me Sniper as a joke because I do very much enjoy it. Just keep in mind that I am my own person and not a fictional character. There's a real person behind the screen.

Sometimes I go on tangents and start infodumping. You can find the masterlist here. Also please read my DNI list and check out my pronouns page (I spent so much time on it).

My ask box is always open to whatever you want to say. Questions, comments, infodumping, or whatever else comes to mind. I particularly enjoy things relating to TF2, astronomy, nature, classic cars, and weapons. :]

If you find a weird animal or plant and want to know what it is, send me a picture with the location and there's a fair chance I can ID it! ("Location" doesn't need to be city, just state or general region!)

If you're looking to do art or something of me, please see this post for a guide to what I look like and this post for my rules on what is and isn't acceptable!

We now have a Discord server! If you want to join just DM me :]

My avatar was done by the incredibly talented @grumpygrumblet!

SOME INFO ABOUT ME

I have autism, selective mutism, and some other issues that aren't really important. Point is that sometimes it can be hard for me to talk or properly put my thoughts into words. This makes me come across as cold sometimes. I'm not good at communicating with words and I'm better at expressing it in person where I can rely more on touch. I apologise if I seem rude because I'm not trying to be. Let me know and I'll try to articulate what I mean to say in a gentler way.

I'm 23.

Bushstraight. AMAB transmasc. Weird bloke.

I grew up in Alice Springs and spend most of my time in the NT. On the first Friday of the month there's a good chance you can find me at the Daly Waters Pub. CU in the NT! (Not now though because I'm stuck in America for the foreseeable future. Oops. Try me again in 2025!)

I hunt professionally for pest control. Usually it's invasive animals like pigs, cats, or feral dogs. I'm also licenced to occasionally deal with nuisance native wildlife like crocodiles, but aside from assisting in relocation efforts I've yet to be called out for a crocodile. I'm alright with this—I really don't want to shoot a crocodile.

I also hunt to feed myself and my dog. Her name is Misty and she's an Australian Shepherd/Golden Retriever mix. You can see her here or by checking out my "mistyposting" tag.

I used to participate in kangaroo culls and by law I have to shoot them in the head so if you ever want to know what it's like to pop skulls, reckon you can ask me. Also on the kangaroo thing: if you're Australian and from 2020-2021 ate kangaroo or bought kangaroo dog food or leather, there's a chance I'm the one what got it to you.

I'm a bushie. This means I'm a survivalist who lives out in the bush. I technically live in a van (ute + camper in the tray) but if there's good weather I'm usually sleeping outside unless it's an area with a lot of dingos (they don't usually bother people but I'm not going to take risks with my dog). I have no permanent residence and I move from place to place for work. Occasionally I have to go into cities for work (I'm looking at you, M*lbourne) but these are thankfully rare occasions and only when I'm strapped for cash.

Sometimes while clearing a squatter's land I'll find Psilocybe mushrooms and take them back home and get high when I'm done working. It makes for an interesting experience and my favourite thing to do is lay on the top of my van and watch the stars for a while.

I have a mullet and I am awful proud of it. It's easy upkeep since I can cut it using the mirror of my van.

I've drank my own piss on more than one occasion. The first time was because I was dying of dehydration out in the bush and it kept me alive for 2 days until I found water. The second time was for science. Certified Piss Kink Guy. (Editor's note: I do not in fact have a piss kink.)

I have infinitely large balls.

I am a bogan. I am proud of that too. Viva la boganism.

I am Ameristralian. I was born in the US and came to Australia when I was 2 years old—both of my parents are American but my parents lived in Australia for work. I grew up in Australia but when my parents split Dad went back home to California to buy back my grandfather's station and I spent most of my high school years in California (years 10-12) and lost my accent. I now live in Australia with a very thick American accent so I get the "lost tourist" spiel a lot and I reckon I'm never going to stop having to prove I'm Australian. It's gotten me into pub fights before and will continue to do so. I had a stroke in 2023 and now have my Aussie accent back LMAO

I've been told I'm "Sniper IRL." (Cheers, bloke I met in a Sydney pub, for getting me into TF2 by telling me this.)

I fucking love crocodiles to a possibly dangerous degree. Technically I love everything nature and especially animals, but crocodiles are just something special to me. I blame Steve Irwin and the fact my favourite thing to do as a nipper was go up to Darwin with Mum during the dry season and go croc spotting.

I like TF2, nature (particularly plants and animals), astronomy, and history. My special interest is sniping. I also love science and medicine. PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT THESE THINGS BECAUSE I LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THEM.

I swear a lot. I will not apologise for it. Fight me, cunt.

Please ask me about the shit I've seen out in the bush. I have so many stories. Actually, just ask me anything. Just talk to me in general, please. I need it.

I like knives (penchant for Bowie knives and machetes), firearms (penchant for antique bolt-actions), and old cars. I think pre-1970 Land Rovers are pretty spiffy. I can alternatively be invoked by incorrectly stating what model of Land Rover Sniper drives. It's a bloody 1965 Series IIA!

DO NOT ATTEMPT ANY OF THE SHIT YOU SEE ME DO ON THIS BLOG. I AM A PROFESSIONAL AT WHAT I DO—ATTEMPTING TO REPLICATE IT IS LIKELY TO RESULT IN SERIOUS HARM AND/OR DEATH. DO NOT GO INTO THE OUTBACK UNLESS YOU ARE WITH A GROUP AND HAVE AN EXPERIENCED GUIDE WITH YOU.

If you wanna learn the rest of the lore, you'd best delve the blog. ;]

I can also be found on AO3 also under Blubushie.

A GUIDE TO MY TAGS

IMPORTANT BLOCK TAGS

blu lewd: Horny asks and reblogs of suggestive art. I'm making a tag for this since I've been getting so many asks from thirsty anons (I love you, thirsty anons). MINORS: BLOCK THIS TAG OR I WILL BLOCK YOU.

haemocyanin: Usually reblogged gore art (blood is not included in gore, I'm talking viscera). Also includes discussion of gory topics. THIS TAG IS STRICTLY GORE. Please block this tag if that makes you uncomfortable.

blu slew: Discussion of hunting. May contains photos from hunting. This includes animal death/animal gore, so anyone who is uncomfortable with seeing this PLEASE BLOCK THIS TAG.

blu a fuse: Rants/sad hours/personal journals. Basically me screaming into the void. May include discussions of trauma so if that bothers you please block this tag.

blu jarate: Anything that mentions piss in referral to urine because it's brought up a lot on this blog (not in a kink way, just in general). Block this tag if piss makes you uncomfortable.

blu boos: A personal medical journal of sorts. Block this tag if talk of injuries disturbs you.

Postbin: Hate asks. Will probably include transphobia or homophobia or intersexism because people pick on the easiest things ay? Block if you don't want to see people clowning on me.

GENERAL TAGS

💙: Random thoughts or stuff from me. No worries, I don't ramble often. Also contains reblogs of things I just Vibe With that don't fit any of my other tags. Formerly #bluposting

blu news: Updates on my life. This may include failsafes.

blu zoo: Discussions of animals and plants. May contain pictures of things I see on my adventures!

blu whos: Answered asks. Please send me asks or talk to me in literally any way as I often spend weeks without even seeing another human out in the bush and let me tell you it is NOT good for one's state of mind. I may not like people but humans are social animals and it's a terrible Catch-22. Ask me about my work or life or my fic or about TF2 lore or Sniper or literally anything please.

abad: Discussions or asks from Ask Blu Anything Day, a monthly... Event? Where some of my ask rules are suspended. ABAD is your licence to go nuts in my ask box, and the rule of ABAD is that I have to answer everything honestly.

blu drew: My sketches. I don't do digital art so all of it is traditional and usually of varying quality. It's typically animals or plants I see out in the bush.

blu bushie: My adventures in the wilderness.

🍄🍄🍄: Contains discussions of drugs.

🍄: Triposting! These are trip reports from the times I get high on various different drugs, but usually mushrooms. Also contains any posts I reblog or make while under the influence of drugs. (Formerly #blu flew)

🍺🍺🍺: Contains discussions of alcohol.

🍺: Drunkposting! Contains any posts I make while under the influence of alcohol.

learnin the blus: Random thoughts/rambles regarding my fic.

blu hoohs: NOT MY ART. Just stuff I've REALLY liked and reblogged. My own art is never tagged with this.

blus clues: Me speculating on headcanons and lore, usually about TF2. I love lore speculation.

sniperposting: Shit specifically about Sniper since I seem to talk about him so much. Also things from my life that Sniper would also probably do.

blu pew: Weapons, mostly firearms and knives.

bushman: Reblogs relating to survivalism, bushcraft, hunting, fishing, nature, and the land. Also includes reblogs of things related to these.

stockman: Discussing my former job as a stockman.

true blu: Things specifically relating to Australia. Usually cultural things.

code blu: Things relating to medicine. This especially applies to bushmedicine.

blursed: Reblogged shit that I think is cursed. Usually text posts, sometimes images.

blusome: Just uplifting things I see and reblog. Everybody needs some added light every now and then.

blu spew: Funny things. Titled for me spewing out my coffee in the morning when I see them.

blu polls: My polls.

blu views: The VERY rare occasions I discuss politics. Most of this is either about firearms or rarely nature conservation.

mistyposting: Posts relating strictly to Misty.

moonyposting: Anything relating to Mundy, my emu. On this blog he's referred to as "Moony" so as not to have him confused with Mundy from my fic (or canon Mundy).

blu tunes: Anything relating to music.

blu chew: Anything relating to food.

ford blu: Anything relating to cars.

blu id: Posts where people ask me to identify animals and plants.

blu marbled jack: Anything relating to Jack. This is because I once saw him eat an entire block of cheese.

ask game: Ask games I find.

answered asks: Answers to things I've asked.

blubook: Posts relating to literature. It's a pun about the Australian boobook, a type of owl. Get it? Because owls are smart? And it's reading? Nevermind.

fanart: Art specifically of me because I had one person do it (cheers Lilac) and now I'm making a tag of it just in case other people do more.

blucord: Discussing things that go down in the Discord server.

blu muse: Poetry I write (because apparently I'm doing that again).

blu misc: Anything that doesn't fit into the rest of these tags.

blu queue: Queued posts.

blu reviews: Submitted posts.

bluroarer: Things I'm tagged in.

smoke signals: Back-and-forth discussions in reblogs.

dozposting: Posts about my lovely lady, @eyes-like-iron-fangs-of-rust

horseposting: Me talking about horses. I fucking love horses.

dream journal: Where I log my dreams.

eminence: Me infodumping about DND/my DND character Redd (cuz Redd + Blu = eminence purple).

PMP: Info relating to my job as a pest management professional.

matildaposting: Me discussing my late 70s Dreamer camper or other campers.

🌌: Wereshitposting—late-night blogging I get up to when the world is quiet and I can't sleep.

Also I'm writing a Speedingbullet fic on AO3 because it's boring out here and I have brainrot so go read that I guess, cheers. Chapter 10 is my magnum opus.

Here's the link to the original F/M version of the fic, and here's the link to the M/M edited version of the fic. The M/M version isn't as good and there may be pronoun errors here and there because the F/M is my primary focus and how the fic is originally written. The M/M version is also discontinued at Chapter 7 as I couldn't work Jesse's backstory properly into Jake. Sorry, folks.

If you're looking to do fanart or something I have a reference for Jesse and Suki. I also have an appearance detail for the rest of BLU team. (If you do fanart of Jesse and Mundy together I will love you forever and ever.)

[quotidian-oblivion]

GUYS I'M GOING THROUGH A CRISIS!

You know how I'm a fandom writer for DC, right? I have like 15+ works so far and 15+ more coming. I write exclusively for DC, right? And mainly Batfamily, right?

Can someone, please, tell me, why the fuck are my sister and her friends joining the Marvel fandom?

It's not that I'm against Marvel, I'm in that fandom too among several others, but dude-

DUDE-

MY SISTER. MY PRETEEN SISTER. IS IN THE MARVEL FANDOM. WHILE HER OLDER SISTER. WRITES DC FANFICTION.

I'm sorry I cannot accept this, where are the disowning papers? (/j)

I mean, granted, she doesn't know that I write fanfiction, but she knows that I'm into DC atm!

And her friends and her are getting together to remake Endgame. Together. What the fuckkkk. Why can't I have irl friends who dont bully me for my hyperfixationsssss 😭

No, but earlier, I revealed that I write fanfiction to my irl friends before any of them could go "Hey, what are you doing always tapping away at your laptop instead of doing work?" and then see it for themselves, and when we were out one day, I took a deep breath and said, "Okay, guys, I have to come out with something."

Them: "You're gay!"

Me: "What? No. It's something else."

Them: "What is it?"

Me: *Takes a deep breath* "I write fanfiction."

As soon as the words left my mouth, their jaws flung open and fell to the floor and one of the burst into tears.

Actually. Completely. Really. Burst. Into. Tears.

Who the fuck bursts into tears when they hear that one of their friends writes fanfiction? WHO THE FUCK. I'm gonna cryyyyy. Why? Whyyyyyyyyyy. WHY.

One of them was so shocked that she legitimately burst into fucking tears what the actual shit.

Granted, they have a history of reading bad fanfiction on wattpad, but I don't write in wattpad anymore! I write on ao3! And I don't write smut! I'm allergic to it! So tell me, why are you crying please what the fuck shit do you need a tissue what's got you crying about?

This is why you never reveal that you're a fanfic writer to a group of people who think theater kids are weird. THEY THINK. THEATER KIDS. ARE WEIRD. (the different type of weird which they hate). I'M A THEATER KID. (backstage and minor character but it still counts) GVBFILCOFHIEUKB

At least I have one (1) irl friend who doesn't think fanfiction is bad. In fact, she reads it every fucking day and openly declares it and I'm proud of her for being that brave. Coincidentally, she was also the one who introduced fanfiction to me (unintentionally, i just happened to be there when she started reading it out loud to our cabin at camp. oh God, someone ask me about the camp, I have stories). And she offered to beta read fics for me as well as work on a collaborative fic. And I have multiple online friends who beta my works and co-write stuff with me and i beta back and are just lovely + readers and commenters who actually like my fics and writing and I love them all so much. So there's that!

BUT WHY THE FUCK SHE GO AND BURST INTO FUCKING TEARS? WHAT'S SO SAD ABOUT THAT IM GONNA CRY.

[courtofmatchups]

Can I have a romantic male matchup please

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body (although I’m more top heavy if you know what i mean) black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks wears glasses sometimes (im far sighted so it’s usually when driving in class or at the theater)

Mbti: infj

Enneagram: 2w1

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence (more pertaining to my talents or personality then my looks) sassy sarcastic (I’m mainly these things with people i feel comfortable with like friends or family) soft spoken cute (my friends think im cute because i can be pretty innocent plus I’m small physically)

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping being a part of something bigger than myself

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people who harm others people who don’t take others into consideration (like make insensitive jokes or don’t consider the comfort of others or are mean just cause they can) people i care about not caring for themselves (im a hypocrite on this i take care of everyone else but not me) not being listened to weird holes and patterns math and tests (I’m being tested for a math disability and i have test anxiety)

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection (if they’re ok with it)

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection (although i can be shy about it)

Extra: i pace a lot i sing when im alone i talk to myself im a picky eater (mainly with textures) i have a cat i have minor ehlers danalos (a hyper mobility disorder) but it doesn’t hurt me like it does my sisters i get abdominal migraines which is basically like a migraine but instead of headaches it’s nausea

It seems to me that you've captured the heart of...

The Lone Flame

Lance Ira!

Hear me out! Lance has a soft spot for cuteness, and you are no exception. You might need to make the first move though, and it is highly unlikely the two of you have met in class for the first time

You may have encountered him sometime out in the forest grounds as you were helping a small animal in need. Lance wondered where this little guy was, and it seemed it was in good hands, so he gave you a small thanks and then left. You couldn't get a word in before he left though

One day the headmaster asked you to get the rest of the C-ranks to join in on special lectures.

Well. Dang. You were not looking forward to this, as this was a collaborative project. Oh well, you summoned your courage and went to round up the C ranks. Lance was not exactly willing at first, but he gave in eventually

You and he were paired up to work on this project, so you kind of HAD to get to know each other to better get your project done. After much reluctance on Lance's part, he finally caved in after your insistence (read anxiety with this project)

Outside of the project, you've come to be quite fascinated by him. As intimidating as he came across, he's actually quite the softie. He cannot help but find comfort in being in your presence also. So much so that once he feels that he is absolutely sure you're trustworthy, he'll open up to you more and more

Eventually he cannot help but fall for you. As if the overlap between your interests and his wasn't enough. Neither of you could stand injustice, so you've climbed pretty high up in his ranks. Your snarky side does catch him off-guard at first, but he does quite like that about you

He does notice that you often neglect your own needs in favour of taking care of others around you, so don't be surprised if he drags you to someplace quiet so you can catch your breath and properly rest

He does also enjoy hearing you rambling about your interests, even if he might not always understand what you're talking about (*cough* video games and movies *cough*). When he learns of your low confidence, he cannot help but feel sad for you, and he will prove you wrong.

All in all, a very comforting relationship between the two of you

[ratskcoreddie]

welcome to my humble abode. please be courteous and read the following rules & introduction before following my account. thanks! i hope you enjoy the show! ↓

im very thankful that you’re visiting my blog! this corner of tumblr is my safe space and i plan to keep it that way. to help me do this here’s a few things before you start trekking around these parts. please be kind and considerate to my boundaries.

before you follow & interact with me:

my blog is an nsfw, fem!reader blog. i write content and consume / repost media that is 18+. be aware that if you under the age of eighteen you should not view this blog. if you follow me and are blank or ageless you will be blocked. if you are an account that post nsfw content but have a 16+ in your bio, that makes me uncomfortable and you will be blocked! minors stay away!

if you ignore these requests and read my works i am not responsible, your media consumption is your own responsibility and i will not be held accountable for what you indulge in.

(everyone on this site is fully aware that minors have accounts on tumblr, i speak on behalf of all adult fanfiction writers that we hope you respect our boundaries when it comes to our NSFW content. you will be blocked.)

all of my fanfiction warnings will be tagged to the best of my abilities, if there is anything that even might be triggering it will be tagged. as far as other things go i am human and will miss things from time to time. be patient with me as i update tags after posting.

any form of racism, homophobia, sexism, bullying, transphobia is not tolerated from anyone on my account. there are somethings i will write about that deal with bullying, homophobia, or sexism but all of my writings are FICTIONAL. they do not reflect my views & will always be tagged.

any comments, likes, reblogs, or asks are greatly appreciated. i'm not on my phone a ton so don't worry about if you're spamming me! it doesn't really phase me. however, i am quiet shy! you can try messaging me through my inbox, but i can’t guarantee i will chat up or answer questions right away. i will try my best!

(if you’re creepy, rude, a blank / ageless blog, weird to me, racist, sexist, xenophobic, or if your vibes are just absolutely wretched, you will be blocked.)

about me:

i've never been great at introductions, but here goes.

my name is eri! i'm twenty-two, & i'm a june gemini. my name is just a nickname because i have a really unique name outside of the tumblr verse and would hate for anyone to find my account, but i’ve gone by this name on other sites such as twitter for awhile! my handle is rockstareddie but backwards; ratskcoreddie, hope that makes sense! i use she/they pronouns and i work in the entertainment industry. i love strawberrys, my favorite colors are red and beige. i have a pretty extravagant music taste and love traveling.

i'm apologize for being so short. i’m very conservative when it comes to telling people about myself over the internet (digital footprint and all that) but i hope i can convey some of my personality through my works and writings!

about my works:

again, content warnings for my writings will be tagged on every single work, i will try my best to be thorough and tag everything! please always remember to check the tags for my works.

im currently working on a series in the au i’ve created, four parts are already done and they will be posted every tuesday between the times 4:00 pm - 11:00 pm. after these four queued post i will definitely slow down on posting!

please don’t post my works on other websites. it’s okay to comment, like, and repost! comments are highly appreciated; willing to accept feedbacks and requests for new fics as well. i also love receiving recommendations. send anything my way!

i appreciate each of you! if you'd like to support me with a reblog or a comment (something as simple as you key smashing in the tags or responding to my work motivates me to write more), i'd love that! thanks so much for even checking out my blog!

characters i will write about:

tldr: eddie munson, steve harrington.

currently, i only write for steve harrington, eddie munson, and in the stranger things universe. this is probably what im going to stick to on my blog. there will be appearances from other characters (but only to benefit the story i'm writing).

tropes i will write about:

stranger to friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, slow burn, forced proximity, forbidden love, second chance, soulmates, fake relationship, sworn off relationships, oblivious to love, ect.

topics i will write about:

im comfortable with writing with fluff, smut, and angst. each of my works will be tagged with what topic they follow. if a work of mine contains heavy angst, extreme fluff, or a lot of smut, i can assure you it will be tagged!

tropes & topics i wont write about: (tw)

please understand that i wont write anything that makes me uncomfortable. such as ddlg, cheating, incest, self-harm, large age gaps, noncon, cnc, power dynamics, ect. nor will i share ask that make me uncomfortable. if you send me an ask that contains triggering material you will be blocked.

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[redactedthegreat]

Thirsting

This work is heavily inspired by the writing of Katie Oslow, and consequently it is a bit darker than my usual writing.CW: forced transformation, abusive relationships, coerced consent. If you like this story, please read her books, they're fantastic: https://www.darkfantasymedia.com/books/gender-benders

"You're breaking up with me because I don't let you fuck me every day!?" Anna exclaimed, her face was livid.

"Well, maybe not every day." Greg said, scratching the back of his head. He felt awful, but a man has needs. "I just need more than I've been getting." He said, wincing at how it sounded as soon as the words left his mouth. He felt like a pig.

She didn't seem too hurt by his confession though, behind the angry expression she actually looked secretly pleased, like she was about to win a game. It made Greg feel uneasy.

"I was betting that's how you felt." Anna said vaguely, letting the anger out of her voice.

Greg had no idea what she meant, but his feeling of unease deepened. He gulped. His mouth felt dry, he glanced around for his drink but saw he'd finished it. He'd come over to Anna's place to talk about their relationship, was she saying she knew he was about to dump her?

"Want a refill?" Anna offered, lifting the bottle of wine they'd been sharing. She was standing at the edge of the kitchen, and Greg was seated on her sofa.

Despite his thirst, something in the way she offered put him off. Greg shook his head and declined.

Anna looked at the bottle like she was reading the label. "Did I mention this wine is medicated?" She asked, with that vague voice again. It was giving Greg the creeps.

"Um, no." He said, feeling a bit nervous. He knew Anna interned at a medical research facility, but he couldn't guess as to why she'd be sharing medicated wine with him.

"It's a little experiment I decided to try. A nanobot cocktail I brewed up with the equipment from work." She swirled the wine bottle and luxuriated in the suspense.

Greg was on the edge of his seat. He knew the experiments at her lab could get pretty serious, but she'd always been tight lipped about the specifics. What on earth could she have dosed him with? He felt a discomfort deep in his balls.

"Oh, don't worry, it's not going to hurt you. I can get you a deactivation shot when the lab opens on Monday." She reassured him, though something in her words sounded hollow. "It's really just a couple of minor modifications."

"What sort of modifications?" Greg asked, increasingly nervous. It was only Friday night. Even if they fixed it on Monday, he'd need to survive the weekend.

"Like a little patch of skin in the back of your throat, and another deep in your ass. I can feel mine growing in now. Just a tiny bit of oviductal tissue linked into your central nervous system."

"Huh?" Greg had no idea what she was talking about, but it sounded scary, and his throat felt even more dry than before.

"It reacts to the presence of sperm." Anna explained. "These patches are linked into our nerves, we'll be able to feel when it's triggered."

"So I'm growing sperm detectors in my mouth and ass?" Greg was upset, and a bit grossed out, but so far it seemed more weird than life altering.

"I guess you could put it that way." she said, then she winced a bit. "It also innervates existing 'sperm detectors' in the female reproductive system. It's supposed to feel really good when they're activated. I was hoping it could encourage me to have more sex." She almost seemed embarrassed talking about it.

"What else did you change?" Greg asked.

"Well, our livers are gaining the ability to produce more nanobots. We'll basically have a little internal factory ready to fix us up." She said, resting her hand over her belly.

Greg could feel a churning in his own stomach, but he wasn't sure if it was the nanobots or his nerves. "You're lying, this can't be real." He said, attempting to call her bluff. If they had this sort of tech he was sure he would have heard about it.

"No, it's all true Greg." Anna assured him. "You can test it if you don't believe me."

It took Greg a moment to put together what she was saying. "You want me to drink my own cum? Or should I hurt myself to 'activate the nanobots'?"

That suppressed smile came back to Anna's lips. "That wouldn't work, the nanobots are only activated by a lack of semen."

"A lack of what!?" Greg was completely incredulous now. This all sounded absurd to him.

"If a day passes without your body detecting cum, your liver will release a burst of nanobots in your sleep." She said it so earnestly it was hard not to believe her, but it still didn't make sense to him.

"Nanobots to do what? Repair the lack of sperm?"

"Kind of, yeah. They will attempt to cure whatever you feel is your biggest obstacle." She replied simply.

"That sounds impossible, how could nanobots know something like that?" Before she had time to answer Greg asked another question. "And if all that is true, how the heck am I supposed to 'test it'?"

"I figure you have three options: swallow some sperm, put it up your butt, or wait to see what happens if you don't." Anna replied flatly. Greg was speechless.

"I know that's not a satisfying answer." She continued. "And I'm sorry you got exposed to this. I really should be more careful with my experiments."

"Of all the bullshit you've told me tonight, that's the least believable." Greg said getting up from the sofa. "Either you've actually poisoned me with nanobots, or this is some sort of elaborate revenge prank for breaking up with you. Either way, I'm sure it was on purpose."

"Believe what you want, but we're in this together now. If you still want the deactivation shot you can visit the lab on Monday. Now please get out of my house."

Greg left in a huff and trudged his way home through the late evening light. He had expected the conversation to be hard, but he hadn't expected things to get so weird. He figured she must just be messing with his head, trying to get him to consider the expectations he put on her or something. He didn't have the patience for it.

As soon as he got home he poured a glass of water and gulped it down. As little as he believed Anna's story about the nanobots, he wasn't about to drink anything else at her place.

Greg drank a couple more glasses of water, but he still felt thirsty. Well, not exactly thirsty, but a dryness at the back of his throat. He tried not to think about it as he went about his night, but by the time he was ready to sleep the thirst was becoming unbearable. He could even feel it in his ass, like an itchy craving behind his prostate.

Either the nanobots were real, or he'd been hypnotized by the power of suggestion. Regardless, he had reached a point of desperation where he didn't care. Greg was willing to drink his own cum just for the chance it might make it stop.

He jerked off hastily, scrolling through porn on his phone. The craving made it hard to concentrate, but he was relentless. He just kept stroking until he felt the start of an orgasm creep up.

Greg lined a shot glass up with the tip of his dick just as he reached climax, hoping to catch his load in a convenient container, but the orgasm passed and nothing came out. His dick twitched and convulsed, the feeling came and went, but nothing came out. Not even a drop.

He held the empty shot glass to the light in frustration. Something had definitely been put in that wine.

He decided to text Anna, clearly there were things she wasn't telling him: "So now I can't ejaculate? What else did you change?"

He waited impatiently for a response. Every minute felt like an eternity, but soon his phone pinged with a reply: "Oh no! That wasn't supposed to happen. I guess we're really in the same predicament now, these cravings are more than I bargained for. I need to find a guy fast. If I run into any attractive gays I'll send them your way."

Greg's face flushed with anger, he thumbed out a response as fast as he could: "Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. I'm not gay, and I don't want you to set me up with a sperm donor. I'm fine waiting until Monday."

"Suit yourself." Was her only reply. Greg tossed the phone onto his bed in frustration. What the hell was wrong with her? First she drugged him with nanobots, then she tried to set him up with a guy.

This must be some sort of revenge ploy, but it was all so confusing. It pissed him off thinking about her heading out to have sex, when a lack of sex is why he broke up with her. But he couldn't exactly offer to satisfy her tonight, he wasn't even able to satisfy himself.

Greg took a deep breath. He had to relax. This spiral of self pity was getting him nowhere. The only thing preventing him from satisfying his craving was his inability to ejaculate. If the nanobots worked like Anna said they did, it only made sense to think that would be the first thing they'd fix. He just needed to clear his mind and calm down.

That was easier said than done when it felt like he was starving. He could get to sleep for a few moments, tossing and turning, but then he'd be awake again, thirsty as ever.

After a couple hours of this he got a new text from Anna: "Having a pussy is the best! You need to use your ass or your mouth every day, but he pumped one load in my vagina and now I'm satisfied until Monday. I even got to cum in the process."

"Why are you telling me this?" Greg responded, somewhat disturbed.

"Just letting you know what you've got to look forward to." She said, attaching a photo of her crotch. Her legs were spread, and a small glob of semen was leaking out of her.

"You're sick." Greg replied. This all seemed so unreal.

"You're the one with the dysfunctional junk, my parts work just fine." She responded, and then sent a video immediately after.

Greg hesitated a moment, he could tell from the thumbnail that the video was focused on her pussy, but his curiosity got the better of him and he hit play:

Anna appeared to be inserting a realistic-looking dildo into herself while lecturing from off-camera.

"More than a hundred million years of evolution have gone into making this vagina the perfect place for a guy to cum." She pushed the dildo deep, up to its artificial balls, and then pulled it out a bit.

"It's self lubricating, self cleaning, and it can keep sperm alive for like five days." She was really working the dildo now. It was already messy with her fluids, and now he was noticing strands of semen as well, leftover from whatever guy she'd just slept with.

"Seriously Greg, it feels so good to satisfy that craving, it gives me such a buzz now. I can feel his sperm inside me, and it feels fucking incredible." It sounded like she was about to orgasm. He could see her pussy start to throb around the toy.

Wait, how was this video so long?

Greg woke up in a cold sweat. Apparently he had finally got to sleep. He checked his phone to see how long it had been since the video, but the last message he'd received from Anna was "Suit yourself." The entire pussy conversation had been a dream.

It was already early morning, he had slept through the night. Greg yawned and rubbed his eyes. Despite his fitful sleep, he actually felt pretty good. It dawned on him that the awful thirsty feeling had totally vanished. For a moment he even wondered if it had been real in the first place.

That wasn't the only thing that had vanished in the night though. When he reached under his boxers to adjust himself, he discovered that things had changed between his legs.

Greg's dick and balls were completely gone. His fingers only found pubic hair and the lips of his mound. He groped at his new flatness for a moment, struggling to understand what had happened. Suddenly he was very awake.

He got out of bed, turned on the light, and took off his boxers. He could tell just from the sensations he felt in those movements that this was all too real. No dream or suggestion could have felt so complete.

Greg looked down at his crotch and marveled for a moment at his total lack of a penis. Where it had once poked out there was now only skin and pubes, like it had been erased from his body. Below that, where his balls should have been, there was just a crack. It was like his genitals had vanished and the skin to every side had closed around the void.

In his mind though, he still felt like he had a dick. Looking at his flat crotch confused the feeling. He felt a sort of horny pang of longing concentrated just under his mound, at the top of his slit. He moved a finger in to prod around. His lips felt warm and slippery. His fingertip slid up until he reached the source of that feeling.

When Greg's finger made contact with his clit, the sudden shock of sensation made him stumble and nearly fall over. He sat on the bed for a moment to regain his composure. It felt like his dick had been transformed into a horny little jellybean.

It was in this moment of self-assessment that Greg realized how badly he needed to pee. He rushed into the bathroom and was reminded again of how he no longer had a penis.

Greg lowered the toilet seat and sat down, feeling a rush of shame around his current situation. He'd felt so smart about his plan last night, and now look at him. This was no small change, his anatomy had been altered to the point he had to sit down to take a leak. He'd be dealing with this multiple times every day for who knows how long.

He peed for a while, he'd drank a lot of water the night before. "I should have pissed before I went to bed." Greg mumbled to himself. "Now the last memory I have with my dick is that sad attempt to jerk off." He hadn't properly appreciated it at the time, but he really liked the way his cock felt when he stroked it. The memory sent a new pang of longing through his clit. Greg tried not to think about it.

When he wiped himself, Greg noticed something stringy stuck to the toilet paper. He spread his legs and leaned over to investigate. He used his hands to spread his pussy lips apart so he could get a better view. The stringy stuff seemed to be coming from a hole near the bottom, which Greg assumed must be his vaginal opening.

He touched a finger to the spot and felt his slick hole part around it. He dipped his finger in just a little then pulled it out. He found the sensation completely bizarre and unsettling, but perversely erotic at the same time. On the tip of his finger was more of the stringy white goo. He was pretty certain it was semen, but how did it get into his vagina?

A perverse curiosity ran through his mind. How did he know it was semen? Didn't Anna say he could detect it with his throat? He felt an impulse to suck on his finger, just to see what would happen. Would he even be able to feel it with his needs already satisfied?

Before he could overthink it, Greg went for it. He stuck his finger into his mouth and sucked it down. The burst of sensation as the glob passed his throat was dizzying. He was glad to be sitting down. "Oh fuck." He murmured, as his body was gripped in what felt like a long shallow orgasm. It made his legs quiver and his mouth water. The feeling quickly began to fade, and then passed entirely with his next swallow. "Well, that seems pretty conclusive." Greg grunted to himself as he regained his composure.

He finished up in the bathroom and retrieved his phone. "We need to talk." He texted Anna. Then he got dressed and went out to eat.

Despite the shocking discovery of his new genitals earlier that morning, Greg was feeling good. He couldn't explain why, he just did. It almost felt like he'd just had a couple shots of liquor, but with none of the wooziness or incoordination.

He walked into his favorite diner and got a table that wasn't near anyone else. He ordered some food and looked out the window. It didn't take long for Anna to respond, and she agreed to meet him for breakfast.

Greg tried to focus on planning what to say while he waited, but his mind kept wandering back to the place between his legs where so much had changed.

Since waking up he'd been in a perpetual state of horny-but-content. Even now, sitting at the restaurant, he could feel he was aroused, but he felt no urgency to do anything about it. It was just a warm, tingly, slippery feeling humming away in his secret crevice.

It was a new feeling for Greg, and it felt more than a little bizarre to him, but he couldn't help finding some enjoyment in it. If he focused on it, it almost felt like his dick was buried deep in pussy. When he squeezed his legs together or shifted around in his seat he could even feel it more strongly.

Soon it occurred to him that the horny little bean that had taken the place of his penis was buried in pussy, his own pussy. He could even feel his clit stiffen slightly as he got increasingly turned on, like an itty bitty erection. He tried to flex his clit like he used to flex his dick, but those muscles now seemed to pull on something deeper inside him. His clit was stationary. More a spot than an appendage.

Greg was thankful for the distraction of food once his breakfast arrived. He tried to just focus on eating and relaxing himself.

Anna got there as Greg was finishing his pancakes. When he saw Anna walk in, even though he should have been furious, his first reaction was to enthusiastically wave her over.

"Hello Greg." Anna said. She seemed to be in a much worse mood than he was. Greg felt a wave of guilt wash over him for dumping her the previous day, though a large part of him felt quite strongly that she was the one who should feel guilty right now.

"These pancakes are really good." He said, attempting to act casual.

Anna gave him a quizzical look and sat down in the booth across from him. "Is that what you called me down here to talk about, the pancakes?"

"Um, no." Greg admitted while chewing. Anna waited for him to finish what he'd eaten and continue. "We need to talk about that 'medicated wine' you drugged me with." He cleaned his face and watched her reaction, or lack thereof.

"What do you mean?" Her face was placid.

"You know what I mean." Greg was getting agitated. "It changed more than you said it would. A lot more. Not just 'minor modifications' either."

"Really?" At mention of additional changes her placid expression broke into mild curiosity. "Are you referring to your difficulty ejaculating?"

She didn't lower her voice at all. Greg quickly checked if anyone was in earshot. The diner was noisy enough he was sure nobody could hear them, but he still felt awkward discussing it in public.

"No." Greg hissed, then lowered his voice. "I grew a vagina last night."

"Like, under your balls?" Anna had likewise lowered her voice, but she didn't seem too shocked by his revelation. She only seemed more curious.

"No." Greg said again, even quieter. "Like, in place of."

"Oh my." Anna said, showing a flicker of that annoying smile. "So you're like me now, down there?"

She asked with a tone of compassion, but Greg felt too humiliated by the question to say anything. He just gave a quick nod and took a long drink of coffee.

"Oh Greg, I'm so sorry." Her voice oozed with sympathy, but Greg didn't buy it for a second.

"Yeah right, you knew this was going to happen!" He accused her.

"I promise I didn't, really." She assured him. "I mean, I have heard of genital reconstruction with nanobots resulting in things like this, but that was always in cases of extreme damage. You just had an issue ejaculating."

"That was because of your nanobots. I had no problem at all before you drugged me." Greg was getting a bit agitated.

"Alright, okay, I hear what you're saying. And that is possible. I just don't see any reason why the program we ingested would do something like that." Anna said diplomatically.

"Well you didn't see a reason why it would give me a pussy, but it did. You didn't expect it to give us such powerful cravings, and how's that working out for you?" At the question Anna looked down at the table with an expression of discomfort. Greg continued. "There seems to be a lot about this 'experiment' you didn't see a reason for, so I don't think it's a big leap to say it caused my problem."

"Like I said, it's possible." Anna replied, becoming stoic. "It also seems possible to me that it was a coincidence. We should run some tests to get to the bottom of things on Monday."

"No way is that a coincidence." Greg responded hotly. "And no way am I going to become your guinea pig."

"I understand, and that's up to you. Nobody will force you into any sort of testing or treatment." She reassured him, adopting an almost clinical tone. "And for the record, I did see a reason for the nanobots to change you how they did, I just didn't expect it to happen."

"What on earth is the reason?" Greg demanded. "I should have woke up this morning with an easy, renewable supply of sperm; but your nanobots decided it would be better for me to grow a pussy!?" As they talked, their hushed conversation had become gradually louder, and it was around this moment their waitress stopped by the table to check in.

"I'm just going to give you two a few more minutes." She said quickly as she rushed off to check on other customers.

There was an awkward moment of silence before Anna responded softly. "You said it yourself, your balls were full of sperm. The nanobots needed a way to get that sperm into contact with sperm-sensitive tissue. They must have given you a female reproductive system to solve that problem."

Greg hated when she talked in that way that made him feel stupid. He also hated how long it had taken for him to realize the semen inside him this morning was his own. "But how does that make any sense?" He pressed her.

"I don't know for sure, and it could be we never do. It's possible some jealousy or envy of the female form guided the nanobots, or-"

Greg cut her off. "What do you mean, are you saying I secretly wanted to wake up without a cock?"

"No, not at all. The nanobots are only concerned with improving your ability to contact sperm. It could be that after our conversation you felt some sort of jealously around my sexual options, maybe the nanobots picked up on that and interpreted your dick as a limitation."

Last night's dream flashed through Greg's mind. It was uncanny how much her guess lined up with dream-Anna's arguments. "Hmm. What was the other thing, before I interrupted?"

"Or" Anna repeated, patiently retracing her train of thought. "There could have been something actually wrong with your male parts. A cancer or infection that interfered with ejaculation. It's possible the nanobots saw this change as a sort of treatment."

"Seems a bit drastic." Greg said, downing the last of his coffee.

"We've noticed they have trouble repairing male genitalia after extensive damage. Like I mentioned, something like this has been observed before. The nanobots seem to prefer to rebuild from a female template. It's something we're working on understanding."

Greg rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure there was nothing wrong with my dick before you messed with it, but I suppose that's as good an answer as I'll get." He tidied up the table and got ready to leave. "At least there's a silver lining to this thing: I'm done worrying about those awful cravings until Monday, at which point you should be able to turn them off, right?"

"Well, yes to the last part. But how are you done until Monday?" Anna asked curiously.

Greg got the sinking feeling that he'd said something wrong. "Sperm can live in the vagina for like five days, right?"

"More like three days in the vagina. They can live up to six in your fallopian tubes, if conditions are right, and that's where your oviductal tissue is. But the bigger issue for the cravings is sensory adaptation. A constant signal will fade into the background. The reward feeling should last for about twelve hours, and you shouldn't feel any cravings tonight, but by Sunday you'll be back where you started."

"Oh." She had said a lot of words, and Greg understood some of them. The important part seemed to be that he'd bought himself a lot less time than he had hoped. At the very least he'd make sure to be prepared the next time the cravings kicked in. "By the way, how did you manage last night, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Ugh." Anna sighed, she looked genuinely miserable for a moment. "I couldn't find a hook-up, and I felt like I was about to lose my mind. Thankfully a friend from college came through with something to tide me over." She reached into her jacket and pulled out a flask, opened the lid and took a quick swig. She got a nasty look on her face for a moment, like she'd bit a lemon.

"It's a weird drink she mixed up and asked her boyfriend to fertilize. She claims it should last the weekend, but it's already starting to taste funky." She gave a little shiver as she put the flask away. "At least the after-buzz is fun." She continued. "That little happy-horny feeling you get as it goes down. You've probably been feeling it all morning."

Greg felt a bit embarrassed that she knew about that, but he was glad to better understand the cause and effect of his elevated mood. He just smiled a little and shrugged.

"Here, take this." Anna said abruptly, reaching into her purse and handing Greg a small black pouch. "You should probably wash it, and it needs a charge soon." She added.

Greg peaked into the pouch and recognized a small vibrator, he remembered using it on her a few times while they were dating. He didn't realize she kept it with her so casually.

"Um, thanks." He said, unsure how to accept such a strange gift from his ex-girlfriend.

"I really am sorry such a big change has been thrust on you. I promise I'm going to do everything I can to make things right." She looked utterly sincere. It was difficult for Greg to stay angry with her.

"I'll survive." He replied simply. He put down money for the meal, including a sizable tip, then started to get up.

"Text me if you need anything. I'm sure I could get another batch of special-juice if I ask nicely." Anna assured as they parted ways.

"Thanks, but I think I'd rather figure things out on my own." Greg responded. He had very little interest in drinking his ex-girlfriend's former classmate's boyfriend's semen mixed into a gross concoction.

Greg went home and tried to get his head straight. He just needed to make it through the weekend, and he was already satisfied until Sunday. That gave him two days to find one more dose of sperm; he felt like that wasn't so bad.

As much as the prospect of ingesting more sperm grossed him out, he really didn't want to wait out another night like the one before. Discomfort aside, the risk of nanobots changing him in his sleep again was terrifying. He could only imagine what they'd decide to 'fix' next time.

Though that did raise the question of where to put it. He really wasn't comfortable with putting anything up his butt, so that was out. But between his mouth and vagina, he was less certain.

There was a major ick-factor for him in the idea of having a penis that close to his face. He also wasn't interested in having to taste it. The experiment from this morning had verified much of what he had suspected about the flavor and consistency of semen, and he would rather avoid more of that.

On the other hand, he was also uncomfortable with the idea of someone fucking his vagina. He tried to imagine a guy on top of him, with Greg on his back, legs spread wide; or pounding him from behind, while he took it on all fours; none of it seemed realistic or enjoyable. He even struggled to imagine riding a dick, it just felt so invasive and strange to his mind.

He laid back on his bed and sighed. There wasn't much urgency to solve it right away, but it was a bit disheartening to feel like every option ended in him taking a dick.

Greg unbuttoned his jeans and groped his empty boxers. He didn't want some new penis invading his body, he just wanted his old one back. He slipped his fingers through the flap on the front and felt around at the featureless skin underneath. He felt a little tingle in his clit, like the ghost of his departed dick, yearning for contact.

He moved his fingers lower, hooking one into the top of his slit and curling it in to play with his little bean. It was almost too much to touch it directly, at least at first. So he circled around it, feeling the area become slick and wet as his arousal increased.

For a moment Greg reflected on his situation. Was fingering himself really the best use of his limited time? But he was stressed, and horny, and his finger was already playing with his clit.

Soon he was kicking off his pants and getting comfortable on the bed. His hand moved rapidly between his legs. He swirled his clit, swishing side to side with his fingers while rubbing up and down. The magnitude of the sensation was phenomenal, he'd never felt anything like it. His pussy was buzzing with erotic energy, and new ideas started to dance through his head.

He didn't want a penis inside him, but a guy could jerk off into a condom. Then the guy could use his fingers to push the condom into Greg backwards, dumping the contents into his vagina. Greg's fingers moved even faster. Then the guy could use his tongue to-

Before Greg could finish that thought he was gripped in a gut-clenching orgasm. His pussy spasmed as his legs twitched and shook. His fingers kept moving as the orgasm rolled on for a few more seconds. His mouth opened into a silent moan as the last waves passed in a burst of tingles.

His fingers slowed, expecting the bitter-sensitive feeling that had accompanied every orgasm with his penis, but that feeling never came. His fingers kept moving, and it kept feeling amazing. Soon he felt like he was about to cum a second time.

Greg did cum a second time, and a third. He lost count of how many times he got himself off. He rubbed and rubbed until he was an exhausted mess, until his hand was beginning to cramp. For all the trouble it gave him, at least his pussy was fun to play with.

Catching his breath on the bed, Greg began to reconsider his feelings on penetration. As great as it felt to play with his clit, at the height of his arousal he could still feel a needy yearning below, around the place he found the semen this morning. His vagina was itching to be filled. He still wasn't ready for a penis to go there, but the idea didn't feel as invasive as it had an hour ago.

As the afterglow faded, Greg came to the conclusion he needed a shower. He'd worked himself into a sweaty mess on the bed. He tossed his clothes in the hamper and grabbed a towel. It was a little strange for him to walk around naked and not feel anything dangling down there, but he was gradually becoming accustomed to it.

In the shower he tried to formulate a plan. He needed to find a guy who'd be willing to give away his sperm, but didn't want to have sex with him. Someone who would be discrete, and not hold it over him.

"Ugh" Greg sighed, letting the water run off his scalp. He couldn't imagine himself approaching one of his friends like Anna had. "Hey buddy, could you cum in this Gatorade so I can drink it?" Maybe if it was a punishment for losing a bet or something. Even then, he really didn't want to drink his friend's cum, if it could at all be avoided.

By the end of his shower Greg was back in a good mood. He still felt the happy-horny 'reward feeling' that had been buzzing through him all morning, though he could tell it was beginning to fade. He'd also narrowed in on one guy in particular he might have a chance in convincing to help him. He had a friend from high school he'd largely lost touch with, Jacob.

They used to play video games in his mom's basement, for a couple years they had been best friends. But Jacob didn't seem to mature much after high school, and the two had been drifting apart since Greg left for college. Even though they lived in the same town again, they hadn't really reconnected.

As far as Greg knew, Jacob still hadn't had sex, and not for lack of wanting to. He also knew Jacob had plenty of free time, he always seemed to be online playing stuff when he opened his friends list. It seemed possible that he'd be bored, horny, and friendly enough to be willing to help Greg out of this odd predicament.

He dried off and booted up his gaming system. He had to install some updates, but once it all loaded he was pleased to see Jacob was in a game, with room for him to join.

Greg still needed to install the game first though. He got that started, then put on some clothes and set up his mic. His plan was to just join the game, play a few rounds, and see if they could casually start up a conversation. Ideally Jacob would have some time this weekend to hang out in person, and that's when Greg could ask for his help.

The plan worked flawlessly. Jacob recognized his username right away, and invited him to a private party. They cleared missions and talked about the good old days. Greg was more than a bit rusty at first, but Jacob gave him some pointers, and soon they were both earning high marks.

"I'm hungry, but I don't want to stop playing." Greg said, eyes fixed on the screen. "After this mission I'm gonna order a pizza."

"Oh, great idea dude." Jacob's voice spoke through his headset. "I wish I had the spare cash for a pizza tonight."

"Don't stress man, I can send you a pizza." Greg offered casually. "Just message me your address." He played it cool, but inside he felt a rush of excitement. Jacob's address would make the prospect of hanging out this weekend much more likely, and he was anxious to verify that they still lived near one another.

"I'm sure you still have it. I haven't moved." Jacob replied lazily. He was still living at his mom's place? Greg's brow furrowed a bit, but he wasn't sure what he'd expected. Jacob wasn't known for holding steady work, and he had some expensive hobbies; having a place of his own probably wasn't something he could afford.

Greg checked his phone during a lull, and sure enough, Jacob's old address was still in his contacts. He placed pizza orders for himself and his friend and they got back to the task at hand.

Together they played late into the night. Greg really appreciated the chance to forget about his real life problems for a while, though reality was sure to remind him with every bathroom break. He'd forgotten how much he loved gaming with Jacob.

As the night wound down Greg took his chance. "Hey man, it's been great catching up with you."

"Totally." Jacob agreed, though he sounded a little distracted.

"I've actually been going through some stuff lately. I just had a weird breakup. Do you think we could hang out tomorrow, like in person?" Greg asked. He felt a surge of anxiety as he waited for the reply.

"Uh, yeah, I guess." Jacob said eventually. "I don't know much about breakups." He admitted with a chuckle. "But yeah, we can chill. It's been a minute."

"Awesome, thanks man." Greg felt a wave of relief. The hard part was over. "Wanna meet at my place around noon?" He offered.

"Not unless you want to pick me up, I don't have a car at the moment." Jacob chuckled again.

"I live right on the bus route." Greg suggested.

"Nah, I hate riding the bus. We should just meet at my place."

"Alright." He wasn't excited to try his condom plan in Jacob's mom's basement, but he struggled to think of a better idea. Greg had sold his car when he got his apartment in the city, and he couldn't justify the cost of a rental or multiple taxi rides. Besides, from what he remembered Jacob had that space very much to himself, it seemed likely that would still be the case.

"Oh, and we should meet a bit later, I'll still be waking up at noon." Jacob added.

"That's fine, see you at two then?"

"Sure, or like three even."

"Alright, cool. Sounds good."

They said their goodbyes. Greg blearily turned off the television and started getting ready for bed. The reward feeling from that morning was long gone, but he still felt good. It was nice to reconnect with an old friend.

He fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. Without the awful thirsty feeling or fear of nanobots keeping him up, the exhaustion of a long night gaming quickly claimed him.

Greg slept deep and dreamlessly. He woke late Sunday morning with a happy, rested feeling. He stretched out his body and yawned. "Hmm, that's weird." He mumbled to himself, stretching again.

His joints felt weird. Not bad, but different. And he could feel a strangeness in how his muscles stretched, especially around his hips. For the second morning in a row he found himself jumping out of bed to inspect his own body.

For as much as things felt different, he struggled to spot anything out of place in the mirror. Well, besides the obvious change from yesterday he was still adjusting to. Though as he stared at his crotch in the mirror he started to see what had changed this time. His hips were wider. Not just wider either, they'd adjusted in angle and shape. Greg had womanly hips.

As he tilted in the mirror he noticed other changes too. His butt was larger, his legs looked longer and less toned, his shoulders felt slightly narrower. It was hard to tell at a glance, but it seemed like in addition to his new hips, his body proportions had all shifted slightly in his sleep. The changes seemed larger closer to his pelvis. His hands and feet looked to be entirely unaffected.

Greg used a door frame to attempt to gauge his height, but he couldn't really tell. If he was shorter, it couldn't be by more than an inch or two. His body hair and other attributes all seemed unchanged. Overall he looked pretty much the same, but the fact his body changed at all while he was sleeping freaked him out.

His pussy looked more at home than ever, tucked between his wide hips. He even had a gap under his crotch, before his thighs met; an empty space where his balls should be hanging.

He texted Anna: "No cravings, but there were more changes last night."

She responded right away: "That's weird." Then before he could say more she added: "No new nanobots would have been released, it must be leftover work from the previous day." Then: "What changed?"

Greg sighed in frustration. She hadn't mentioned changes could take multiple days to complete. He texted her again: "You didn't tell me that could happen." Followed by "They widened my hips."

"Oh, that makes sense." Anna replied, followed by: "Probably still finishing touches for your new reproductive system."

"How many nights will this happen? How much more will they change?"

"This should be the last of it" She replied, before adding: "The nanobots have a 48hr lifespan, they couldn't change you after tonight regardless of their program."

Greg groaned. "Well that's just great." He grumbled. Well, at least this was the last night he'd need to worry about it. Tomorrow was Monday, and he'd make sure the lab reversed everything that Anna's concoction had done to him.

He got dressed and brushed his teeth, readying himself for the day ahead. His jeans still buttoned, but they felt so tight around his hips that it wasn't comfortable. He opted for a pair of sweatpants instead. He wrote an email to his boss, explaining that he had an emergency medical appointment, and would not be able to make it to work on Monday. It didn't even feel like a lie.

He had a bit of time to spare before the bus to Jacob's place, so he dropped by the store for some food to eat, and to buy a few condoms. He also made sure to freshen up and fix his hair. He even trimmed his pubes nice and close for a tidy look. It did look better to him in the mirror, but it also made his crotch feel even more flat and empty than it already had.

On the bus ride to Jacob's place Greg couldn't help feeling nervous. In a weird way it felt like a first date, but with his childhood best friend he hadn't seen in years, who also had no idea about the whole thing.

He could also feel the thirsty feeling coming back. He tried not to think about it, but as the ride lagged on, stop after stop, it threatened to dominate his mind. It still wasn't very strong, nowhere near as bad as it had been the first night, but it had found a new way to affect him.

Deep under his stomach Greg felt a yearning, a thirst more pronounced and palpable than the others. His pussy had more than just a patch or two of sperm-sensitive tissue, he had tubes of it, and every inch was calling out for more.

When the bus stopped near Jacob's house, just a little before three, Greg was the first one off. As nervous as he'd been about sharing his secret transformation with his friend, he now found himself looking forward to it. Anything to get closer to relief from this thirst.

Greg tried to ignore the changes his new proportions made to the way he moved, like the way his new hips swayed his larger ass. Would people notice something like that? Would he be mistaken for a woman from behind now? Not productive thoughts.

He made his way to the house by memory, it wasn't hard to find. It looked exactly like it did when they were teenagers, but older. In that way it resembled its inhabitants.

Jacob's mom answered the door when Greg knocked, dressed the same way she had when he was in high school. It almost felt like going back in time.

"Oh, hello Greg! You've turned out quite well." She said, giving him a playful look over.

"Um, thanks Sally." Greg said, feeling more than a little uncomfortable. "I'm really just here to play video games."

"The more things change, the more they stay the same." Jacob's mom hummed. "Are you sure I can't get you anything to drink?"

Greg's mouth did feel dry, but he knew nothing in the fridge would fix his problem. He was beginning to see the genius in Anna's solution. He would gladly drink a gross mixture of semen and preservatives if it could just quench this thirst.

"Um, sure. I'll just have some water." He said, realizing he hadn't answered her question.

"Coming right up dear." She vanished into the kitchen, returning a moment later with a chilled bottle of water from the fridge. "Jacob is in his 'lair', you can head right on down." She added, pointing towards the stairs to the basement.

He took a long drink of water and started down the stairs. "Hey buddy, ready to hang out?" He called out as he got to the door.

Jacob pulled the door open just as Greg was reaching for the knob. He was wearing a bathrobe, and his hair was a mess, but he otherwise looked much the same as he had in high school. "Oh, hey dude, you're early."

Greg was pretty sure it was a couple minutes after three, but he really didn't care to press the issue. "Oh, uh, just looking forward to seeing you I guess."

"Nah, I'm fucking with you. It's like 3:02, I'm just a lazy bastard." Jacob cackled, giving Greg a pat to the ribs. "I had you going there, huh?"

"Haha, yeah. I was like 'what?', haha." Greg did his best to laugh along. He was starting to worry he'd invested too much in this plan, but at this point it was too late to turn back. Even if Jacob was annoying and immature, he was also capable of ending the awful thirst he was suffering from with a wave of his dick. He was still the best option.

He followed Jacob to his room and shut the door behind them. "So, uh, there's something kinda big I want to tell you about." Greg said, adopting a serious tone.

"What's up?" Jacob asked, casual as always.

"You know how my ex worked at that medical lab?" He didn't wait for an answer, but he could tell this was news to Jacob. "Well when we broke up she drugged me with nanobots."

"Whoa, what the fuck?" Jacob looked shocked. Then curious. "What does that mean? What did they do?"

"I don't know exactly, but it's been super weird. At first they gave me this awful compulsion, but when I didn't give in more changes set in." Greg felt a rising embarrassment talking about it.

"Damn dude. This is some comic book villain stuff. What's she compelling you to do?"

"Well, and here's where it gets really fucked up. I need to ingest semen." He glanced up at Jacob's face to see his expression, he looked just as horrified as Greg expected he would. "Every night, if I haven't done that, more nanobots are released."

"Holy shit." Jacob said, holding his head with his hands. Then he relaxed a bit. "Nah, you're fucking with me." He said.

"I'm serious!" Greg insisted.

"No way. This is your sick way of getting me back for making you think that you were early, when you were actually late." Jacob said, waving his hand like he was blowing away a bad smell.

Greg felt his emotions rise. This was not how he expected things to go. He needed Jacob to believe him. "For real dude, look!" he said, pulling down his pants.

"No way, you're not getting me with that, I'm not looking at your dick." Jacob said, blocking his eyes with his hand.

"Well you don't have to worry about that." Greg said, giving himself a solid slap on the crotch. It hurt more than he expected, but it sent the intended message.

"What the fuck?" Jacob said, peaking between his fingers.

"This is what the nanobots changed after I refused to give in on the first night." Greg explained. "They took my dick." He had to stop talking because he could feel himself start to tear up. The trauma was still fresh and painful.

"Damn dude, that looks exactly like a real pussy." Jacob said, scrutinizing Greg's crotch.

"That's because it is a real pussy." Greg said. He spread his labia to prove it. It felt weird revealing himself like that to another person, especially an old friend he hadn't seen in ages, but something about another person acknowledging it, and witnessing it, gave Greg a strange sense of relief.

"How is that possible?" Jacob mumbled, wide-eyed.

"I don't know, nanobots, I don't know. But it's been making my life hell, and now the compulsions are starting again." Greg exaggerated a little on the level of inconvenience, but in the midst of the thirst, he really did feel like he was in a private hell.

"So you want me to fuck you?" Jacob asked, looking horny, confused, and a bit unsure of what was going on. "Is it contagious?"

"It's not contagious." Greg assured him. Though honestly with how much had happened that wasn't planned for, he wasn't sure how true that was. "And I'm still not into guys." He clarified. "I was hoping you could jerk off into a condom or something, and then let me have it."

"Oh." Jacob said, thinking it over. "Yeah, I could do that." Greg's heart jumped. He'd do it! This would all be over soon.

"So what then, like you'd drink it?" Jacob asked.

"Uh, something like that." Greg said, not wanting to upset the plan. "I was thinking I'd stick it up my, you know."

"Butt?" Jacob asked.

"No, I was going to put it in my vagina." Greg explained, feeling mortified at having to spell it out.

"But what if you get pregnant?" Jacob asked. Greg hadn't thought of that.

"I can't get pregnant." He didn't think he could at least. That felt like something Anna would have told him about. Though he really had no idea.

"Eh, I'm getting cold feet." Jacob said, tightening his robe.

"What do you mean? You were all on board a second ago."

"Yeah, but this doesn't feel right. Nanobots and compulsions. I never saw your dick, for all I know you were born that way, and this is your sick way of getting knocked up."

"What the hell man! We've peed at urinals together. We talked about girls together in high school. This is new!" Greg enthused, gesturing towards his pussy.

"I don't know, I heard girls have a way to pee standing up. Maybe you're really good at it. I don't know. I just don't feel right putting my verile seed into the womb of someone I don't intend to impregnate."

Greg felt a combination of frustration at his friend's change of tune, and shame at the fact he really couldn't pee standing up. Maybe some girls had figured it out, but he had no idea how they did it.

"Whatever dude, I guess I'll swallow it then. I just really don't want to put that stuff in my mouth." Greg said, already feeling a bit queasy at the idea of sucking a used condom clean.

That seemed to give Jacob pause. "Huh, I guess you're really serious about this." He said after a little bit.

"Yeah, as much as I wish this was all a joke, it's my life now."

"Okay, I'll do it." Jacob said for a second time. "I'll really do it, you can put it up your vag and everything." Greg felt his heart leap again, but he got the feeling the other shoe was about to drop. Jacob went on. "All I ask is that you hang out with me first." He concluded.

Greg was taken aback. "Yeah dude, of course I'll hang out with you. Why would that be something you'd have to barter for?"

"Well you haven't in a while. Playing online last night was the first time we'd talked in years. You were my best friend, man. It shouldn't take something like this to bring us back together, but if this is what it takes I'll use it."

"Wow man, I'm sorry, you were my best friend too. I've been so busy, we just lost touch. Of course I'll hang out with you. It's just really important you help me out before I fall asleep tonight."

"Of course." Jacob reassured. "We'll just wait until my mom goes to sleep, I don't want to risk her walking in on anything."

As much as Greg hated the idea of suffering with this craving for hours, he couldn't foresee any way to satisfy it faster otherwise. At least playing video games could help keep his mind off it, and at the end the relief was a sure thing. He even felt pretty confident that Jacob would keep it a secret. He valued their friendship, and they hardly talked to any of the same people these days anyway.

Greg ordered another pizza, and the two of them got busy wasting time. It was nice to hang out in person. Jacob showed off his collection of Magic cards, and some modifications he'd made to his PC to make it glow more. Greg put together a deck from some spare cards and they played a few rounds together.

It started off light at first, but Jacob was a sore winner; he loved lording his victories over his friend, and he could get personal with it.

"Did the nanobots take your deck building skills?" as he ridiculed a card choice; "You play like a bitch, and now you gotta pee like one too." when Greg needed to use the bathroom; "Maybe there are no nanobots, you just grew a pussy because you're so bad at Magic." after another victory.

The last one set Greg off. "What does that even mean?"

"I don't know, like you just sucked so bad your dick and balls were like 'fuck this' and bounced." He giggled to himself while packing up the cards. "I don't know, just kidding around."

"Well it's not funny, it's dumb; and childish; and it makes me feel gross." Greg said, stumbling for exactly what he was trying to say.

"Okay, okay, don't get your panties in a bunch." Jacob said, giggling again at his own joke. "No, seriously, I'll stop. Let's just cool off and do something else. I won't mention your 'feminine problems' anymore."

Greg bristled at the way Jacob was talking, but he only had to get through tonight. The sun had already set, and his mom should be going to bed before too long.

As the night wound down, the craving became impossible to ignore. Eventually Greg couldn't even focus on the games they were playing. They settled on Jacob playing a game on his PC, and Greg sitting behind him, bouncing his crossed legs and trying his hardest not to lose his mind.

This was a different sort of horny than he'd felt yesterday. He wasn't so much aroused as he was needy. It blossomed into arousal in rare moments of hope, but otherwise it was a dry, hungry wanting. Every minute he had to fight the urge to prod Jacob into using the condom. He knew it wouldn't make things go faster. He could tell by his unhurried attitude. Greg was being toyed with.

Eventually Greg couldn't take it anymore. "So are you just going to make me wait forever?" He asked hotly.

"No, just until the nanobots kick in." Jacob answered without looking away from his monitor.

"What the hell!?" Greg was dumbstruck by his friend's betrayal.

"I still want proof. I want to see the changes happen." Jacob said, pausing the game and swiveling his chair around.

"Even I don't see them happen, it happens in my sleep."

"Then go to sleep, and when you start to change I'll give you my seed." Jacob said plainly.

"No, the entire point of the semen was to prevent the nanobots, it doesn't help once they're activated." Greg was becoming exasperated. He'd wasted all his time betting on this guy who wasn't even going to help him until it was too late.

Jacob took a while to respond. It was like he was struggling to make up his mind on what to do with this information, or even to trust it. Eventually he looked up and said "Fine, I'll help stop the nanobots, but no condom. You have to let me fuck you."

"What!?" Greg said, sliding his chair back. Things were getting even stranger than he was prepared for.

"I'll trust your story and give you my seed, but I want to do it naturally, the way our bodies are meant to."

"Nothing about my vagina is natural, Jacob." Greg reminded him.

"Well I've never had sex, alright?" At the admission Jacob's face flushed bright red. "Your vagina is the closest I've ever come to the real thing. And if I'm going to risk impregnating you, I want to feel what it's like. Even if it's not connected to a real woman."

Greg felt a shock of panic shoot down his spine. This guy had been deceiving him all night, and now he wanted to put his dick inside him. He had no idea what Jacob was capable of right now. Quickly he got up from his chair and moved towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Jacob asked. "I just agreed to help you." Greg could hear him getting up to follow.

"I just need to pee again." Greg lied, rushing for the bathroom. The moment he got inside he slammed the door shut and locked it. He sank to the floor and held his head in his hands as Jacob tried to get in.

"Hey, I was just kidding around again, you know that right? I just don't want you to take this so seriously, it was supposed to be a joke. Of course I've had sex, tons of times."

Greg tried to ignore him, hoping he'd talk himself out, but Jacob just seemed to be getting more upset.

"And don't think you're special just because you've got a pussy. Half the world has a pussy. It's no big deal. Get over yourself." He hit the door a few times. "Haha, this was funny at first, but I actually need to pee. You can't just live in my bathroom."

Eventually, either the boredom of the situation or an earnest need to pee won out, because he smacked the door one more time and left, saying "Fine, whatever. I'm gonna go piss in the sink, because I have a penis."

Greg finally felt like he could breathe. He hadn't realized how much he'd been controlling his breathing, to remain as quiet as he could. What the fuck was he doing here? Should he try and make a run for it? Where would he even go? No plan he could think of solved his primary problem, the thirst that brought him here in the first place.

At least he still had his shoes and coat, if he did make a break for it he could make it back to the bus stop. He put his hands in his pockets to check for his bus pass, but something in one of his pockets distracted him. It was a small black pouch, he recognized it from the conversation with Anna in the diner, which reminded him of something else she'd said.

Soon Greg was washing his ex-girlfriend's vibrator in the bathroom sink. He slipped out of his sweatpants and boxers and lay on his back in the bathtub, with his legs spread open.

It was hard for Greg to get into the right mood, especially with the distracting thirst loud as ever in his mind. He tried playing with his clit, but it didn't feel right. At a loss for what to do he started sucking on the toy while it was turned off, pretending with all his might it could give him what he needed.

The trick seemed to be working. As he encircled the vibrator with his tongue, he felt something coming alive between his legs. He closed his eyes and chased that feeling, sucking onto the toy with his lips. He pulled it out of his mouth and tried to slide it into his vagina.

At first it didn't seem to work. It was like he couldn't find the right angle. He adjusted it a couple times, and used his fingers to help spread his juices. He patiently felt it out, and with a little pressure in the right spot, he felt it sink into himself.

It didn't feel particularly amazing, but there was something deeply satisfying about it. That itch he'd been feeling was finally getting attention. He pushed deeper, until nearly all three-ish inches of the little vibrator were inside him, then pulled it back out.

Greg held the vibrator up to his mouth and resumed sucking on it. He licked, and sucked, and hoped. He hoped what Anna had said about sperm surviving in the vagina was accurate, he hoped some got transferred to the toy, and he hoped it was enough to silence the craving.

When he had sucked the toy clean and still felt the thirst, Greg almost gave up. It had seemed too crazy to work from the start. But as he laid there, he felt the thirst waver for a moment. It hadn't gone away, it hadn't even diminished for more than a few seconds, but it was enough for him to try again.

He pushed the little thing back into himself, sliding it in on the first try. He flexed his pussy against the toy and wiggled it around with his fingers. At one point he accidentally turned the vibrator on, and nearly had a panic attack trying to silence it before Jacob heard the buzzing. He was able to stop it almost as soon as it had started, but it left him with tingles of fear and stimulation.

The second time he licked the toy clean, it was like a switch was flipped. This time as he swallowed, he felt a tickle in his throat, and the thirst was satisfied. It was so sudden and relieving it almost made him want to cry. He could have done this at home.

Greg stood up to leave the tub, but suddenly felt light headed and had to lay back down. He tried to stay calm, all he needed to do now was sneak out of here. Yet as he laid down, a powerful drowsiness came over him. He struggled against it, but it was too strong. He closed his eyes with the uneasy feeling that the nanobots from Friday night had more in store for him, then felt himself pulled into another deep and dreamless slumber.

In the morning Greg felt stiff and cold. He'd spent the night sleeping half naked in a bathtub. He ached all over his body. Even places he wouldn't have expected, like his hands. He stretched out his fingers and wiggled them around a bit to get the sleep out.

His hands looked different. He held one up to his face and studied his fingers and palm. They resembled his hands from last night, but they'd been altered. The fingers were slimmer, his palm was smaller, and the proportions had shifted. If not for his knuckle hair it would look like a woman's hand.

It wasn't just his hands either. His feet looked different too. He stood up and rushed to the bathroom mirror. From the first glance he could tell his entire body had changed. What happened to his hips the night before had happened everywhere else. The bone, muscle, and fat of his body had been redistributed in a female pattern.

His face still looked mostly the same, though he could tell his altered skull shape had caused his features to shift a bit. He still had the same nose, eyes, ears, eyebrows, facial hair, etc. His body hair and vocal chords seemed likewise unchanged.

Almost everything else felt different. His shoulders had narrowed further, his arms had drastically slimmed, losing all muscle definition under a thin layer of fat. His thighs had thickened in all dimensions, and his legs had taken on a recognizably feminine shape. He had no way to get an accurate measure of his height, but he got the impression he had become significantly shorter overnight.

His chest had also changed. It still didn't quite look feminine, it was covered in chest hair, and his nipples were unchanged. But his man boobs had swollen with fat, larger than they'd been even at his most out of shape. Combined with his smaller chest, they had nearly taken on the proportions of female breasts. He cupped them with his hands and saw a hairy line of cleavage form in between. This was weird.

Greg started getting dressed. He was happy that his clothes still fit, for the most part. His shirt draped lower than it had yesterday, and his shoes were nearly too loose to stay on his feet, but the sweatpants fit about the same.

When he looked in the mirror though, his heart sank. He didn't see a man in the reflection. They looked like a tomboy, or a woman wearing her boyfriend's clothes. His hips and chest were his most notable features, but his entire shape had shifted. His outline had traded its masculine edge for feminine curves. Only his face still struck him as plainly male.

He tried putting on his coat and zipping it up, that helped a lot. Under the baggy sleeves and insulation it wasn't easy to tell the shape of his body. His legs looked a bit feminine in the sweatpants, but it wasn't super obvious. As long as the most visible part was his face, people should still recognize him, Greg told himself.

Greg left the bathroom as quietly as he could, hoping to sneak out before Jacob was awake. The moment he closed the bathroom door behind him though, the hallway light switched on, momentarily stunning him with the shock and brightness.

"Look who decided to stop camping in my bathroom." Jacob said from the stairs. Had he been waiting there all night? Greg walked to the stairway and looked up at him. Jacob sat on the stairs near the top. He had positioned himself between the only exit from the basement, blocking the stairs blocked Greg's hope of escape. He could try and push past, but even with his height and muscles from yesterday, he'd be at a disadvantage. Jacob had the high ground.

"Fuck you, dude. I just want to go home." Greg said, reaching his wits end. He needed to get to the lab more than anything. He was so close to being able to reverse this nightmare.

"Well you should have thought about that before you forced me to pee in the sink." Jacob said, getting to his feet.

"You have another bathroom." Greg still remembered the basic floor plan from hanging out there as a teenager.

"Mom doesn't like me using that one, you know that!" Jacob was becoming increasingly agitated, and it was scaring Greg. He tried a different tactic, thinking on his feet.

"Look man, I just want to go. I came here looking for your help, and now look at me." Greg pulled down the zipper of his coat and held it open. He held his knees together while pushing out his chest, exaggerating the changes with his posture.

He saw the expression on Jacob's face instantly shift to one of sympathy and awe. "Holy shit dude, I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

"No idea!? This is exactly the sort of thing I told you was going to happen."

"Well, yeah, but nanobots? Come on. You can't blame me for being skeptical."

Greg zipped his coat back up. "What I'm blaming you for is tricking me and wasting my time. I understand why you'd be skeptical, I would be too, but you put me in a really tough situation."

"Hey man, I'm sorry, really." Jacob stepped away from the door, clearing the way out. Greg cautiously walked up the stairs.

At the top step it became clear how much height Greg had lost. He used to be eye-to-eye with Jacob, but now they stood eye-to-chin. He had to look up to make eye contact.

"Hug?" Jacob asked, as Greg passed him.

"When have we ever hugged?" Greg asked, offering a fist bump instead. Jacob bumped fists with Greg, revealing just how much smaller his fists were now. He felt so much weaker than yesterday.

Greg strolled to the bus stop. He had plenty of time before the next one came, so there was no rush. The warm sun made it tempting to unzip his coat, but he couldn't stand the idea of someone seeing him.

By the time he got to the lab, his coat was really making him sweat. He hurried into the building, texting Anna that he was here. He waited around the lobby for a little bit, but didn't get a text back. Eventually the receptionist stopped to check on him.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" He asked kindly.

"I'm just trying to get in touch with my friend who works here. She said she could help me this morning." Greg replied.

"And what is your friend's name?"

"Anna" Greg answered, unsure if he should be more specific.

"Oh yes, she said you'd be stopping in. You must be Greg." Greg nodded his head. "Right this way." The receptionist led Greg through an elevator and around an elaborate maze of work areas.

"Just over here." The receptionist said, pointing into a section labeled "Nanobot Research". The lab felt well air conditioned, but Greg was still too hot in his bulky coat.

Finally he was shuffled into an examination room, where he felt comfortable removing his jacket and relaxing. He paced around, reading various posters on the wall. He tried not to worry that he still hadn't heard back from Anna.

A man in a lab coat walked in, he wore a stethoscope around his neck. "Hello Greg, I hear you've been exposed to some rogue nanobots." He said somewhat cheerily.

"Yeah, you could say that." Greg said, not sure how much he should talk about.

"Well, my name is Jason, I've been assigned as your physician, and you have a few options." Jason explained. "We could give you a purge shot, which would remove all the nanobots, but leave any changes to your anatomy in place. This would also prevent future nanobot exposures from affecting you for several years."

Greg didn't like the sound of being stuck with his body how it was, but it would be nice to at least know he was safe from nanobots for a while.

The doctor continued. "Another option would be to adjust the program. We could halt the sensory dependency and repurpose the nanobots for injury repair."

"What does that mean?" Greg asked.

"You would no longer suffer those nasty withdrawals. Instead the nanobots would focus on healing you when you get hurt."

"Hmm." Gaining healing powers sounded nice, but he wasn't sure he trusted these nanobots to put things back to how they were.

"The other option would be a halt shot. The nanobots would stop entirely, but you would still be receptive to future treatment." Jason said, and then stopped talking.

Greg waited for a moment for him to list more treatments, but he didn't. That couldn't be right. Every option left him in the same body he'd walked in with.

"So there's no option that can reverse this?" Greg asked, trying his best not to freak out.

"We're working on that." Jason said, with an awkward expression. "This is experimental technology. We weren't prepared for this sort of exposure. As long as you don't take the purge, we should be able to provide treatment as soon as it's ready. Otherwise you'd need to wait for the purge shot to wear off first."

Greg felt his heart sink. He'd always known this was a possibility, but he had really hoped it would be otherwise. He would be stuck with the body he woke up in for who knows how long. Days for sure, probably months, maybe even years.

"What I can do today, in addition to the treatment options I listed." The doctor offered. "Is give you an inspection, write you some prescriptions, and help you adjust as well as you can for the time being. We're taking this issue very seriously, and hope to have it resolved as soon as possible."

"What sort of prescriptions?" Greg asked.

"Testosterone, for a start." The doctor said, "Since your body is likely producing a lot less on its own now. Maybe some contraceptives."

"Contraceptives, like birth control? Can I get pregnant?"

"Most likely, yes, we've found our nanobots to be very skilled at growing reproductive tissues. They use host cells, so any baby would carry your genetics, with the exception of your Y chromosome."

Greg's head was spinning. Not only would he be stuck with his vagina, but he'd need to worry about getting pregnant now too. "Does that mean I'll have periods?" He asked, pretty sure he knew the answer.

"Yes." The doctor said solemnly. "Every other case of this sort of treatment has resulted in healthy and regular menstruation. You will likely have the same outcome. Usually the first period starts a week or two after restoration, but I could tell you with more precision after your pelvic exam."

By the end of his time at the lab, Greg was fighting back tears. Not only were they unable to fix him, everything they told him only made him feel worse. Jason used a sonogram to inspect his uterus, and let Greg know everything looked healthy and fertile. He should expect his first period in just over a week, though Jason said the testosterone he was prescribing should reduce the intensity.

Greg had to pee in a cup for one of the tests, and he nearly got it all over himself trying to figure out the mechanics. It was so much harder to control without a penis.

Finally they gave him a shot to remove the horrible thirsty cravings. Greg chose the option where the nanobots would heal his injuries. He figured if he had to have nanobots inside him, they could at least carry their weight. They also gave him a shot of testosterone, and pills to take at home.

He decided to skip the birth control, without the cravings he had no intention of getting sperm anywhere near him, so it seemed like an unnecessary medication, especially considering the possible side effects.

He still hadn't heard back from Anna, so on his way out he asked Jason if he knew anything.

"Oh, she got in trouble. Big trouble. That's how we knew to expect you. She's probably still in meetings with the director." Jason said surreptitiously. "I wouldn't worry too much about it." He added, seeing Greg's startled expression. "I'm sure she'll be fine. Though someone told me they're withholding the deactivation shot until she sets things right."

"What does that mean?" Greg asked.

Jason just replied with a shrug, then added "Guess she's stuck thirsting."

[skits-things]

:)

Hiya! I'm Skits, I go by She/Hers and I'm a fanfiction writer. My AO3 is linked in my about.

This is a writing blog and will post and reblog things related to my writing and interests. Currently I'm very MCU focused - Stephen Strange has infested my brain and isn't leaving anytime soon.

Asks are always open for anything. I take prompts right now, but look below the readmore for this post before sending me any. Rules are there.

Reblogs might or might not be tagged. Sometimes I forget.

This blog is for me so don't argue with me about my opinions. Disagree, sure, but don't start a fight.

Tags

These are the most consistent tags I use. This list will be edited as I remember/think up more.

#my writing is for anything that I've written

#ask will be used for any asks I get and answer

#personal will be tagged for anything about me, well, personally

Prompts

Current Number of Prompts: 1

You can send them in my ask box. :)

Here are a couple of things I’d like to emphasize for those interested:

I write for fun. This is done in my freetime and whenever I get inspiration. It might take a long time for me to fill the prompt. If there's a prompt or ask I do not want to write, I will outright say so.

It comes without saying, but underage and sexual abuse is a definite no. I don't have too many other limits, but there's a lot of weird stuff out there. I might not have heard about them. Feel free to ask but please be aware there's a good chance I will say no. Limits will be updated as I come across them.

Yes, I am open to writing NSFW but all NSFW will be under a readmore. No judgement on the prompts (I'm open to trying to write things at least once) but I will also refuse if I find that something is outside my comfort zone.

Yes, I ship. My OTP is Ironstrange. I don't wanna have a mile long list of my other ships here, but feel free to ask. I'll let you know if I'm open to writing a different ship.

Genfic prompts are ABSOLUTELY WELCOME. The category is sadly underappreciated.

If I happen to reblog/participate in an event with a prompt set, I am usually alright with receiving requests about them.

Unquestionable, but, prompts from other posts/not an original prompt you made is, of course, welcome.

I have a Bad Things Happen Bingo Card. I'm up for any prompts along those lines.

I don’t write/read x reader or reader insert. Sorry. I'm okay with using second person POV however.

I do not write “Not [X] Friendly” fics. I do not like character bashing.

The rules may update from time to time. Please check them before sending requests.

My preferences

I prefer if Stephen Strange is a character I'm writing about, but I'm not entirely against writing about other MCU characters. If the character is obscure, I might not have heard about them and OOC is likely to occur. I do both fluffy works and angst, so ask for as much hurt or comfort as you want. Multiverse of Madness is also on my hate list and I am not likely to write Wanda very positively - though, again, I don't do character bashing.

Reading wise, I sample from all over the place. My hard limits on things I refuse to read/write are things like SpideyStrange, where the age difference/character generations are too far apart for me to stand. ScarletStrange is another ship I do not like personally.

Other things

While I don't mind constructive criticism, if there isn't a single thing (no matter how small) you also like about my writing, I don't know what you're doing on my blog. I am a hobby writer - not a professional, and human besides that. I have feelings. Don't hurt them.

Minors are allowed to follow as I do not post anything too explicit; at least without tagging them.

Ask me if you want to translate/post my works to other platforms. You must have my written permission.

If you disagree with me (e.g. you characterise/see/view [Character A] as … but I write them as …), please keep in mind that all of this is fiction and everyone is allowed to have their own opinions. But well, feel free to discuss with me if you’d like.

Please don’t hesitate if you have any questions! ^-^

If you've read everything above, then thanks! Let's all interact with respect and positivity! :)

[thiserichann]

cookies and cream - lee jeno

reader x jeno

genre: smut, strangers to fuck buddies, humor if you squint hard enough

word count: 4k-ish

warnings: recklessness (she met with a stranger online, don’t do it kids) excessive lying, 18+ scenes that includes: oral (f receiving) face riding, soft dom!jeno?

This is merely a work of fiction and is not meant to hurt the image of Jeno and NCT. Again, don’t be as reckless as OP. This was just a fantasy of mine that I’ve been dying to get out of my system.

Holy fuck.

That's the only word that you've managed to utter when you decided to check your messages that morning.

You got bored in the middle of the class and decided to sneak a peek on your phone to pass the time. The class is recorded anyways so you can always just go back to the parts of the lessons that you've missed.

But holy fuck.

You never expected to see THAT so early in the morning.

"Miss Y/N?"

You snapped back to reality and stopped malfunctioning for a second when somebody called your name. Everyone including your professor remained quiet and all eyes are on you.

"Oh. Sir what’s the question again?"

You answered nervously as you tried to review your notes and backtrack on what he is discussing a few moments ago.

"I see that you're distracted in the middle of my class again. Mind sharing what you're occupied with?"

"Uhm. I was watching KPOP fancams, sir."

"Fancams won't get you into law school, Miss Y/N. Phones off please."

You tucked your phone back to your pocket and never picked it up again since. The professor started blabbering again but no information is being retained on your head. It stayed that way at your other classes.

You wished you were looking at some KPOP fancams earlier. You’ve watched fancams at class before and got away with it unscathed.

Oh no. It was a goddamn dick pic.

A good one, too.

It was from a guy that you met in a kink site a few days ago. You created the account out of boredom and expected nothing to come out from it. It’s all the flirting and sexting without all the unnecessary commitment

It only took you a few minutes to set up an account. For some privacy, you made a random birthdate and a random nickname, because like hell would you share your real information to these people. You also picked a racy picture of a lady that looked a bit like you and passed it off as your own.

Within minutes, your inbox is flooded with messages. Most of them, however, are from men who are old enough to be your father.

Well, you were bored, so you entertained everyone and then went on back to your boring, vanilla life. A few political history and theory books later, you went back to see which ones messaged you on the site.

And that's where you've met him.

The most gorgeous piece of meat alive.

He seems like a nice guy. He introduced himself as LJ and your age aren’t that far off from each other. LJ is the only one who actually engaged in conversation besides "want to fuck?" or "are you horny?"

As soon as you started messaging back and forth, you scrolled on his profile to see what he looks like. The only thing is, his profile looked a whole lot like those high fashion male underwear photoshoots.

It was an array topless pictures (presumably his, you just can’t be bothered to check if it is actually his). It featured his sculpted abs and biceps, cropped up all the way to his full lips. Despite not seeing his whole face, you knew very well that he’s a hunk. To say you were intrigued is an understatement.

Since then, you've been talking back and forth through Snapchat (your secret one because you're not stupid) and sent him actual pictures of yourself, completely omitting the face. You took one from your bed, your bathtub, and probably every part of your house that you felt is sexy enough to be included on the pics.

You can't tell him if it's him or the repressed sexual urges finally manifesting itself after more than a year of not getting laid, but every text to and from him made your heart race. It was something that you looked forward to every hour everyday.

Hours went by that you totally forgot leaving him on read. You climbed up to your bed to rest your back to the headboard and opened your unread messages.

You: Hey svlr. School stuff.

  He opened the chat and started typing right away.

  LJ: Oh good. I thought I did something wrong to upset you.

You: Not at all. I loved the pic by the way. It literally knocked my socks off.

LJ: Just the socks?

You: You can take the rest of it off yourself ;)

You scoffed. The flirty banter has always been there ever since you started talking but nothing really came out of it.

LJ: If only I could :(

You: I know. Covid’s a bitch.

You set your phone aside for a second to go to the bathroom. On your way, you picked up some snacks at the fridge and sat back down to your bed, only to find your phone blowing up.

LJ: If you're down maybe we could meet

LJ: It's totally fine if you don't want to

LJ: I just made it weird, didn't I?

LJ: I'm so sorry I brought it up in the first place

LJ: I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable

LJ: Hello?

LJ: I'm really sorry

You: Chill. I'm right here

You: I just went to the bathroom

LJ: Oh

You: I'd be lying if I said I don't want to meet you as well

You: Well... I wouldn't write off the idea

You: But with the Covid

LJ: Thoughts?

You: I don't think it's a great idea

The screen says Seen right at the bottom but it took him a couple more minutes before finally replying.

LJ: I understand

LJ: But in case you change your mind, I'll leave the time and place up to you

LJ: I’ll take care of the rest

LJ: Deal?

You: I'll sleep on it.

You: Speaking of sleep, I gotta go. Morning class.

LJ: Okay. I guess this is good night then

You didn't, in fact, talk to him the day after.

You'd be lying if you said that you didn't want to see him and his abs in real life. But as someone who overthinks a lot, you just can't shake off the risk.

You: Good night. Talk to you tomorrow.

What if he's not really the guy in the pics? Or he’s psycho in real life? What if he's infected the virus?

You sighed.

Why must some global pandemic ruin your sex life?

You waited until the end of the day before you finally replied to LJ. The last thing that he texted was a brief good morning from earlier in the day and nothing else. He’s actually a pretty sweet guy, totally not worth ghosting, and you actually liked talking to him as a friend that you can share your sentiments with.

With your guilt finally eating you up, you took a break from your assigned readings and sat back at your bed to rest for the day. Your fingers hovered over the keyboard for a minute, thinking of something to say to him. It took you a few tries before finally hitting the send button.

You: So, I thought about it

LJ: And?

You: I need to know I can trust you

LJ: Okay. How?

You: I don’t know. Send me a proof that you’re real. Get tested?

You: Is that fine with you?

Within a split second, he sent his reply.

He actually did it.

You couldn’t believe it but he actually did it.

LJ: Consider it done.

He got tested for physical, including the virus test, and passed with flying colors. He even sent you a vid of him inside a medical clinic.

He just sent the uncensored results this morning where you can clearly see his real name.

Lee Jeno.

LJ.

Seems legit.

Well, the uncreative nickname shouldn’t matter now because the results meant only one thing.

You’re gonna have to push through with your promise.

You got ready around noon that day. You can’t remember the last time that you actually got ready to meet someone that’s not a delivery guy or a relative passing on something to your family.

As someone who overthinks a lot, you actually got everything covered. You picked a place near a restaurant to eat. The police station is just a few blocks away just in case something happens, and right in front of a library…

“Where’re are you off to?”

You raised your backpack to show to your mother.

“I’m off to the library. I needed to get these renewed. Maybe pick up a novel or two.”

She looks at you from head to toe, eyeing that incredibly loose hoodie, faded denim jeans, some worn out sneakers that looked like it’s supposed to be thrown away years ago and a medical mask that covers about ¾ of your bare face. It’s just your usual attire whenever you go out for errands.

She just nodded and went back to watching her favorite soap opera.

“It’s nice that you’re out of your room for once. Take some cookies from the kitchen so you’ll have something to eat in case you get hungry.”

… as an alibi to get away from your strict parents.

As soon as you left the door and made sure that you’re out of sight, you found the nearest public toilet and grabbed a whole other outfit from your backpack. The hoodie is replaced by a white, ruffled see-through blouse and you ditched the jeans for a tight skirt that’s at least four inches above your knees. You tousled your hair a little bit and put on some powder and tiny hint of lipstick before putting your facemask back on again.

It’s been a while since you’ve done an elaborate scheme like this. Your skills got a little bit rusty, but they always work.

Sometimes you wonder if you’re really meant to be lawyer or a criminal instead.

You stepped out of the toilet and blended right back into society.

Now all you have to do is find wherever the hell LJ is.

Jeno sat anxiously as he waited for you right inside the café. He’s on his fourth cup of coffee but it didn’t do anything to calm his nerves down (geez I wonder why).

You: I’m almost at the café.

He’s been staring at his phone the whole time. Once he received your message, which is a pic of you in the bathroom after the outfit change, he almost choked on his drink.

This message sent him on a panic as he turned his camera on to see how he looked. He did some minor adjustments to his hair and he wiped off his eyeglasses clean with the sleeves of his hoodie (which did nothing for him by the way) and then casually sat down and played it off cool like he hasn’t been waiting for you for over an hour.

On your perspective, you walked inside the café and looked around for LJ. Fortunately, there was only guy inside the café, twiddling with his phone on his hands and as he kept on peeking through the glass windows as if he’s looking for someone.

From afar, he actually looked really cute. His appearance, a shy, nerdy dude with glasses, looked way off from the fuckboy image that you expected him to have in reference to the messages that you’ve been getting from him.

It’s always the quiet ones that are kinky. You should know, you are one.

You walked over to his table and tapped his shoulders to get his attention.

He froze for a moment before he finally managed to turn around and face you.

“You’re actually here.”

“I know. I’m just as surprised as you are.”

tap tap tap tap

The room is so quiet that the only thing you can hear is the sound of your heels tapping against the tiled floor. You can say that that is one of your observable annoying habits tapping your foot on the floor when you're a nervous wreck.

Sighing in retaliation, you removed your hoodie, fanning yourself as you tried to relax and get comfy on the hotel couch (which should be comfortable enough since you paid a shit ton of money on that room), switching the TV on to get your mind off of things. The lackluster array of shitty sitcoms didn’t distract you at all, but it instead reminded you of the reasons why you’re in that room in the first place.

Having nothing to do to pass the time, you paced back and forth in the room, finally sitting down once you realized that it looks way worse than you just tapping your foot. You folded your arms right across your chest, looking at the watch from time to time but the hands of the clock seem to be moving slower the more you stare at it.

Quarantine started almost a year ago and it's been very hard for you. Sexually. It's been almost a year since you've been touched by a man and you’re more than ready to jump on anyone’s dick at any this point,

Too bad that that dick is taking his sweet time in the bathroom.

tap tap tap tap

Your foot found its rhythm once again, only this time, you’re not nervous anymore. Your patience is wearing thin.

As if summoned by the constant tapping, the guy comes out of the bathroom, just casually drying himself while wearing nothing but the towel dangerously hanging on his waist and a boyish smile on his lips.

No biggie.

"Hey."

Suddenly, you’re not tapping anymore.

Head empty, just thoughts of a hot guy patting down a towel all over his toned body.

“I hope I didn’t make you wait for too long.”

He spoke, tossing aside the towel on his hands on the sofa, finally giving you a full view of him and all his glory.

You must admit, you’re skeptical at first. The guy that’s been sending you faceless thirst traps just days ago, telling you how he’d fuck you senseless looked a lot different from the guy who entered the hotel room just a moment ago.

He came in wearing those black oversized hoodies that did a great job in hiding his best features. His hair was a bit long for your taste, covering half of his face while the face mask hid the other.

But this man right here in front you, he’s Adonis.

You unconsciously bit your lower lip, earning a chuckle from the guy.

“I’m guessing that you’d like to start now?”

You nodded, the tension and awkwardness rendering you unable to speak.

He smiles as he takes the remote from you, turning off the television because the main show is about to start.

You started to tense up again, eyes wide as you realized that he’s now right beside you, wrapping his arms around you as soon as he sat down. He leans over, soft lips coming into contact with your exposed neck and shoulders, landing small pecks all over.

You sat there breathless as he slowly ran his fingers to the side of your thighs, tracing circles at it while giving small, reassuring kisses on your neck and shoulders. It’s as if he’s asking you for your consent, waiting for you to open up to him before he makes a move.

He got his answer when you turned around to face him, running your fingers into his cheeks before cupping his face, your lips finally touching his. He moved in the same pace as earlier, slow and calculating. You got a bit impatient once again, biting his lower lips gently to let him know that he can do more.

He grabbed you by the waist and successfully placed you on top of him. The kiss got even more sloppy as you ran your hands through nape, then into his soft locks. His hands travelled once again, finger running through legs again, stopping as soon as he reached the hem of your skirt, flipping it up to reveal the thin lace material that barely covered your core. You took that as initiative to remove the towel on his waist and grinded against his growing member, the friction and heat enough to earn a groan out of him.

He held your waist once again, firmly this time, halting your movement completely.

You broke away from the kiss, staring him in the eyes to read his face.

“Something wrong?”

“Hold tight.”

You were about to ask about what hold tight mean, but your arms cling unto him involuntarily as he lifts the both of you out of the sofa.

Jeno laid you gently in the bed, making sure not to break eye contact as he does so. He looked like he's about to eat you alive, which is enough to send flush to your cheeks.

“I would’ve loved to bend you over that sofa, but I think it’s just proper that our first time will be on the bed.”

"God. You're beautiful."

He then ran his fingers towards the thin fabric of your blouse, feeling every part of your torso like he's memorizing every detail of it. His hands then travelled in your chest, squeezing the swell of your breasts on each hand, fingers shaking as he does so. It felt like an artist admiring his delicate work of art.

He situated himself between your legs, taking a moment to admire you first before doing anything else.

He started to run his hand on your cleavage and stopped on the uppermost button of your blouse, taking his time to remove all of them and placing a kisses at the exposed skin. After all of the buttons are taken care of, you lifted your body up and slid off the fabric. Your black lacy bra finally made its appearance. You took the liberty of taking that off too, as slow and as you possibly can.

 Jeno just stared at your body in awe, breathing heavily as his eyes scanned your naked glory.

 "Gorgeous."

He said under this breath before leaning down to claim your lips once again. You're turned on by how much attention he's giving your body now. You're usually loud in bed but his gestures are making you bashful. You've never felt this beautiful before.

You can feel his hands trembling as it travels all over your body, his kisses getting even more needy. There was moans of satisfaction every time he would lick your lips. Jeno was kissing you like you were oxygen and he needed to breath.

His hands travelled south, running across your thigh and your now aching core. You're about to remove your skirt and underwear but he stopped your hands midway.

"Keep it."

He took your hands away from your skirt and placed them just above your head.

"Just sit there and relax baby. Let me treat you."

You did just like he told you and gave him full control of your body.

"Good girl."

His lips brushed your ears, whispering sweet nothings about how beautiful you are under him. His kisses then went down to your neck, using his tongue and teeth, marking everything he can get his mouth on with his saliva. Meanwhile, his hands finally touched you down there, massaging your still clothed wetness.

His middle and index finger felt your slit, moving it in swift motion in search for your clit.

"Oh my god. That's it."

You gasped as his fingers finally hit the right spot, tossing your head back as his fingers made circles at your bundle or nerves.

You opened your legs more, leaning on your arms on your back, head tossed back and eyes closed as you feel your impending orgasm.

He dipped his hand inside your underwear and collected some of your essence with his fingers. The mental picture of him licking his fingers deliciously is enough to get you off for weeks.

It didn't take long before he took your panties off and his ducked his head down. He opened your legs once again and licked one long stripe on your core, making sure to taste all of you. You sat there and watch as he hungrily takes all of you in his mouth, acting like your pussy is a full course meal and he's been starving for years.

Within moments, you've become a moaning, toe curled mess. You ran your fingers to his blonde hair, guiding him on how to move his tongue and fingers on you. At one point, he bit some of your sensitive skin, making you scream a string of curses under your breath.

"Stop stop stop."

You grab a fistful of his hair and he paused from what he was doing. You pushed him gently away from you, leaving him staring at you confusedly. The confusion didn't last long when you flipped your current position, you're now on top.

"Can I ride your face?"

At this point, you're bold and horny enough to use your words and ask him. He just nodded, sliding himself from underneath you and went back to eating you like a champ. You grabbed his hands and placed them across your chest, squeezing your breasts to send him a message. He was quick to pick up and followed suit, pinching your nipples right in between fingers while your ride his face to orgasm.

"Shit. I'm coming..."

  You writhed from above him as you come undone. Your body felt cold all over. Your eyes are ringing, feeling dizzy as you almost passed out while you bucked your hips a few more times to milk your release.

You didn’t have time to recover when you heard your phone ringing from outside. Your legs felt a little shaky and you almost tumbled and hit your head in the wall if Jeno didn’t help you get up. You  sat down on the floor, butt-ass naked as you frantically searched for your phone from under all of your stuff before you finally pressed the answer button.

“Yes mom?”

“Where have you been? Your father’s been looking for you at the library. He’s picking you up on your way home.”

You buried your head on the couch to shake off the buzzing feeling on your head. You placed a pillow on your body while you searched for your discarded clothes all over the hotel room.

“Oh yeah. I went to the café and got something to eat. Tell Dad I’ll meet him outside the library.”

“Okay sweetie. Can you pick up some groceries on your way back? I’ll text you the list.”

“Yeah mom. Bye.”

You breathe a sigh of relief as you started putting on the outfit that you wore when you left home.

“Where are you going?”

Jeno reluctantly got dressed as well, his shy demeanor came back as soon as he wore his glasses and fixed his hair.

“I got to go, Jeno. I’m sorry that I’m leaving in such a bad time…”

You went over to him and placed a sweet kiss on his lips.

“I promise to make it up to you next time, okay? I’d love to meet you again.”

You grabbed a paper bag from your backpack and handed it to him, waving as you bolted out the door.

After fixing his things, he sat down for a moment and took a quick peek inside the package that you left him.

It was a ziplock bag of full of cookies and a whole other treat.

You left him your two-piece lace lingerie.

To be continued.

[deviltoys]

IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!

hey, kevin here, i apologize that somethin' of this matter is being posted so late like this and so sudden. i won't be typing as i usually do as the accusations here are a serious matter and there won't be a need for my usual, light-hearted typing style.

it has come to my attention, though this information has been kept private for maybe a month, two? but has only just recently been brought to my attention by a good friend of mine. the claims were sent to him over instagram by my ex; kai or huhrizon. the photo will be attached below in which, kai, is laughing about the fact he believes he's found out that i am a minor. more specifically, fifteen. which couldn't be farther from the truth, this thread will be debunking and defending myself before he can come out and express these fabricated lies to try and ruin my reputation because he's upset that i wasn't ready for a relationship.

kai messaging mattia over the fact he believes he has uncovered 'my mother's facebook profile'. which will be debunked below.

very interesting that you decided to not only, try to uncover things about my identity after i politely explained to you that i no longer wanted to pursue a relationship, but that you're brewing up fake rumours just to try to get back at me for it.

onto the main claim. kai has been professing, that i, am infact a fifteen year old falsifying his age online. the reason he believes these claims are that, one, he found my mother's facebook profile. and two, that there was a photo on there of me, with the caption 'happy birthday kevin' posted onto the account. mattia has explained to me that this photo isn't here to be displayed as evidence, solely because kai sent the picture through instagram's vanish mode.

* this mode automatically deletes anything sent after the chat is closed.

mattia informed me that this photo was overall suspicious though as kai had blurred out the user's facebook handle. very odd indeed kai, very odd. i have no clue what this women looked like as there were no further photos, so until then, i don't know how i can debunk the woman not being my mother; appearance wise.

what reason do i have to believe this is motivated out of spite? before kai and i had become acquainted, i followed him through dylan, who had publicity posted about how his friend had created a dark blog. wanting to follow more creators who shared a similar interest, i followed him. immediately, kai had started sending asks about whether or not i was single. we had not talked nor even messages before, we had liked a few of each others posts and that was the max of our interactions. but i responded with a flirty remark, which i am now known for, but wasn't at the time. flirting was thrown back and fourth and after awhile i had realized i was no longer ready, mentally or emotionally for a relationship at that point in time. i still had full feelings for kai, yet kindly expressed my discomfort with a relationship. which he mutually accepted and that was that. i thought we were ended things on great terms, we both communicated and got our messages out of the way.

apparently this was not the case, as kai, without my knowledge goes to search for any sort of dirt he can find on me. which, i will be using a post by dylan to explain why i have reason to be swayed into the fact this was out of anger— i love dylan, and he's not included in these accusations whatsoever, but this post is important to view. do not drag him into this, please. i'm serious.

dylan admits to kai being able to ruin people's lives for fun. which is obviously, not a good look for him. he purposefully goes on the hunt for any information he can attach to someone. unluckily for him, he couldn't find anything worth exposing, so he restorts to making up lies about my age in an attempt to get some sort of revenge? as punishment for breaking his heart i presume. very, very mature after a breakup which i calmly and kindly let you know that i wasn't ready for anything further.

now, onto the rebuttal i have for his big accusation; me being a fifteen year old who's mother's social, kai sniffed up. my mother does not own any form of social media, she has an email which is technically not even a social app. ( this is used for her grad teachers, in order to contact her for reasons that will be explained ).

my mother hasn't had any social app for years, much less posts or takes photos of us to display whatsoever. my mother entered a relationship with a man, who at the time she didn't know was very, very anti-lgbtq.

* before anything else it's important to note that kai, believes i have a brother. i told him this in order to stray away any true information about me, as there are very few people i fully trust with the knowledge of my personal life. much less, someone who i just met at the time; i.e kai. kai had mentioned a friend of either his or his brothers being named 'hank' to try to also fit the lie of having a brother, i told him it was a funny coincidence that my brother had the same name. i do not have a brother, my sister and i are both trans— she being mtf, and i being ftm. she has given me explicit permission to disclose this, as i wouldn't ever dream of letting that information out without her word.

this leads into my main argument. my mother had been with this man for quite awhile, and had finally asked us for permission to give him the news, that we were both transgender and that he should know for the future of our family. he obviously, did not take this well. to keep details minimal for the safety of my family, i'll briefly explain some of the shit he's done to my mother. stalk, threaten, send unsolicited photos and dead animals to our home, try to get my mother to meet up - or find her location to meet up with her, and many, many more vile things. my family has been hiding, moving, and changing our identities ever since. my mother has wanted a healthy, safe environment for her children to grow up in without fear that their lives would be taken or in some way ruined by this man. we can't keep a house for more than a year before we're forced to go into hiding because of a message from him or some sick prank from somebody who knows about the situation. this is all i can say, as i don't want him to somehow get ahold of this post. which is also why i am withholding my families legal names as well as her ex's legal name just to be cautious. though it is never ever justified to lie to your partner, kai and i had barely talked and i felt pressured by the environment and excitement to rush headfirst into a relationship. causing me to hold back any truth to my personal life, excluding interests, stories, and stuff of that sort. which deserves an apology all on it's own.

now, where this fifteen, number came from. not a clue in hell, my sister, is sixteen but was fifteen at the time i was in a relationship with kai. i have no clue if this has anything to do with it, but he knew, as i told him i was celebrating her birthday through text. letting him know, the age she was and the age she was turning.

i live off the grid and always have. my legal name is not on here, my family or friends names, etc. my personality, all me, the stories or hobbies i have? true. my job? true. i express the true me on here while still holding back information that could cause my family into another year of hiding. my mother never has and never will have any socials. she barely uses her email out of fear, but has no choice as it's her only means of communication to her job.

another quick thing i would like to mention, to be truthful, as this is a post solely based on trust alone. as i have no physical evidence to back it up. i sent a photo to kai, letting him know it was taken when i was in middle school. i told him my mother put a filter over it, which is weird right? i just explained how my mother doesn't have socials, he's got to be lying, right? no, my teacher had taken the photo and she had edited on her photo to show our grandma, who she sent the image through phone messages. this was no lie, but it was a misdirection to try to get kai to believe my mother posted about me. i still didn't trust him and never fully did, so this was another. morally wrong, attempt to cover my true identity by lying to him about it. which, again, never right to lie to your partner. but i have a family to protect, it's hard to make friends and relationships online when you have to hide who you truly are your whole life. and i'm sorry that's been the case, though the information my mutuals privately know is all the truth. i've grown to trust a fair few, so thank you.

as a summary, these claims are total bullshit. i can provide more context or answers to any questions you may have, below, through dms, or through my inbox. this was once again posted before he could get his word out, as i wanted to make sure everyone knew what i had to say, in case he decided to 'expose' me while i was at work, or too busy to compile a rebuttal. thank you all for listening, you don't have to believe a word of this. as yes, my story does sound far-fetched but i have no way that i can verify it without putting my family in danger. which, i'd much rather lose my online status over a silly rumour than harm my family for another multitude of years. this is a rather short and rushed post though, as it's been bugging me for awhile and i just need to push it out.

[justice4harwin]

Light’s Corruption- Chapter III

Pairing: AlinaxTheDarkling

Rating: 18+

TW: Talks of sexual harassment and sexual assault of a minor.

Tags will be in the comments. Please don’t be shy and let me know if you wanna be added or if you no longer wish to be on the list.

Part II Here

Enjoy the reading! :D

Chapter 3: Plotting and Braiding

Alina threaded back to her room alone, while Genya took a detour to the kitchens to fetch them something to eat.

Arriving back into the comforts of her own chambers, she felt a great relief. To say the afternoon with the queen had been tense was an understatement, and she was sure that the arrival of the king at the end was not only due to his obsession with Genya. She had no idea what The Darkling had told the king so far regarding her training, but he didn't seem like a patient man. Surely, he already knew about her little display that very same day in the gardens.

Looking around, she noticed someone had bought back her pencil and flask of ink and placed it on her desk.

She took off her kefta and put on a simple blue nightgown with golden embroidery that reached her knees. Someone had put on a fire, thankfully, and she was quick to stand by it to warm herself, eagerly waiting for her friend to return.

On the one hand, she was excited. Genya was her first girlfriend, and despite having known each other for a few months only, they had grown quite close. As childish as it may sound, the idea of a sleepover made her excited. Before, in Keramzin, she and Mal would sneak out into a corner and play quietly, talk, or just sit there in silence; but none of the older girls had let her play with her since she tended to be very easily tired, and by the time a few other girls came in, she was too old to keep up with them without exhausting herself.

On the other hand, Genya's semblance had been almost sombre as she left her, and that made her anxious. What did the redhead want to talk about? Alina couldn't imagine. Did it have to do with the queen? Had she done or said something wrong? Was she worried about The Darkling finding out about her little lie? Saints knew how their royals asses would react if they knew General Kirigan to be unaware of something, as insignificant as they may deem it.

The Sun Summoner wanted to give the king and queen a few words.

Something kicked the door.

"Open up!"

Alina hurried and did as was asked, and Genya walked in with a big silver tray full of food precariously held in one hand and two bottles of wine in the other.

Alina reached out and took the bottles from her, and with a relieved sound, Genya took a more solid hold of the tray and placed it on top of the rug near the fireplace.

"Where are the glasses?" the summoner asked.

She received a look of disbelief.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Moya Soverennyi, but I only have two arms."

"Right. Sorry." her cheeks turned pink as she balanced herself on the tip of her toes.

Genya stood up and strutted to the wardrobe.

"Please tell me you have something decent to lend me."

She didn't wait for a response as she pulled out a blue nightgown and began to take her kefta off.

Alina turned around, cheeks red, and heard her friend chuckling.

"Scared that I might be your type, Starkov?"

Alina giggled nervously.

"I just…you know, privacy, decency and all that." she cleared her throat, and after a moment of contemplation, with a trembling voice, decided to speak: "Back in Poliznaya, when I first enlisted, they didn't have resources enough for pretty much anything, so all men and women were put in the same room to sleep, and there was only one big bathroom." Alina had to clear her throat once more. "Uh, so, changing clothes was very uncomfortable because some men would just, make comments or look at us weird; and so after a few days, this girl, Maria, decided that we should do a small circle and take turns changing so they would leave us alone."

"Did they?"

"No." she huffed humourlessly. "It made their words harsher, but still, for a while, we stood in the circle, even if it took us longer to go to sleep or wash ourselves, so, yeah, … privacy."

"Did no one ever do anything?" Genya sounded concerned.

"Some guys tried to tell them once or twice, you know, to not do that, and others just gave us our space." Alina sighed. "In the end, we were there for about a year, so we couldn't keep it up. We learned to change our clothes quickly and wash ourselves even faster."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." her friend said softly, sincerely.

"It's fine." Alina tried to wave it off. "It's not like I was much more than skin and bones back then; I didn't get the worst of it."

She had had her share of inappropriate comments, yes, but after the time one of the other men sneaked up on her and Mal broke his nose, they all stopped.

"What? That's your girl, Oretsev?" the guy had asked, clutching his nose.

"No!" Mal had answered, a little too loudly, a little too quick, nostrils flaring. "But that doesn't mean you can go around behaving like a brute."

The guy hummed, looking more amused than annoyed.

"It's not as if she were much to look at anyways." one of his friends had said, picking him up from the floor while Alina anxiously clutched a shirt to her chest; Mal still standing in front of her, breathing heavily. The rest of the room had gone very silent. She had to get dressed; yet she couldn't move. Mal walked away, back to his group of friends.

"Well, you're more than skin and bones now." Genya said, slightly more enthusiastic. "I think it suits you. You look very pretty like this. And you don't have to turn around; I'm comfortable with you."

"Yeah, I'd rather not. Thanks."

"You're way too nice for this place, Alina." she said, almost pitiful.

"I can manage."

"Oh, you will. And I'll make sure of it. All done."

Alina turned and took her in. The nightgown was blue just like hers, slightly more revealing than the one Alina was currently wearing, and it fitted Genya's figure a little bit tight. Still, she looked stunning as usual.

"It's weird." she said. "Seeing you in something other than white, I mean."

The woman looked down, pale hands running over the soft fabric.

"It is." she conceded, a strange softness to her voice.

"You look nice."

"Darling, I look more than nice." she winked, getting back to the tray of food and letting herself fall next to it.

Alina handed her a bottle, which the redhead opened up and didn't waste time in chugging down a few big gulps. She rose her eyebrows. When Genya passed her the bottle, she contemplated the flames for a few seconds.

"Look, I don't know what we're supposed to do during sleepovers, but it doesn't matter. We have more pressing things to discuss."

"I said something wrong in front of Her Royal Pain in the Ass, didn't I?" Alina moaned, taking a massive sip of the liquid. It wasn't her favourite drink, but she was starting to feel like drowning and anything would do.

Genya giggled.

"No, you managed yourself quite well, in fact." She turned, clear eyes examining her friend's face, "Do you realize what the Queen was doing, Alina?"

"She, …wanted to gossip and belittle some people?"

"Well yes, but she never invites grisha."

"You said she wanted to show me off."

"Yes; and she also wanted intel." Genya leaned in closer as if to share a secret, even though it was just the two of them in the room. "Every one of your lessons is private, and General Kirigan never reports the progress of his grisha to the Royal Family anyways. He's always refused to, and it makes the King furious, but he's too afraid to do anything about it, …for now."

"But I am the Sun Summoner."

"Yes, so the stakes are high." Genya frowned. "If the King knows you're in a weak spot, he'll start to push, and that won't lead to anything good with the General and other Grisha but, …if you make some friends-"

"Like, with Zoya?!"her face was the reflection of her disgust as she took in a big gulp of wine.

"Just in general." Genya placed her forearm on the carpet and took a piece of cheese. "What you have to actually do, is make allies."

"You mean friends?"

"Sure, make some friends." she shrugged. "But also make allies. Don't let the King know that you're isolated. Trust me, there will come a time when you'll need of the others, and you can't always count on General Kirigan to save you."

Alina hadn't thought about it. So far, he had always been there, at the right place, at the right time. Maybe Genya was right, and she had unconsciously relied on him to have her back and catch her before she fell.

"How do I do that?"

Genya stuffed her face with some more cheese and chewed slowly. She shrugged.

"There are several ways. You can't just go to a group and ask them to back you up. Observe. Go one by one." Genya all but pushed Alina to take a big gulp of wine, her fingers firm underneath the bottle as she titled it up. The brunette drank. "Try to bide some time. Make them owe you favours. They don't really have to like you, but if they do, it's better. Have you seen how all of them thrive to be the General's favourite?"

Alina nodded slowly. Eyes had seemed to turn towards her when she first arrived, but since she had kept her non-progress a secret, and her and Kirigan were rarely seen together in public and she was never requested to his quarters, it seemed like the other grisha's eyes had quickly drifted from her. Like she wasn't so important after all.

"Make them want to be your favourite, Alina."

"I already have a favourite." she said with a playful wink, taking a cookie.

Genya shoved her gently.

"I know." she said, voice full of petulance. "But I don't mind you hiding it for a while."

Alina cleaned her fingers off the crumbs of the cookie, looking into the fire, pensive.

So, she needed friends. She had Marie and Nadia already, but it was true that the rest of the grisha didn't stand too close to her. Maybe it was because of how awful she was during Botkin's lessons, or because she refused to showcase her powers and they thought her a snob of some sort. Maybe they just didn't like her. She didn't like some of them either.

She leaned back, her eyes consumed by the crackling fire.

So, observe. That was something she could do. She'd watch them, see their customs, their likes and dislikes, and try to work with that.

Working to become The Darkling's favourite crossed her mind. He was only one person; and if she were to be his favourite, surely some would grow closer to her.

No. She shook her head.  They would only come to her as a path to The Darkling himself. Or they would resent her for it.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Genya slowly smiling.

"What?"

"That look you got on your face." she said, pointing a pale finger in her general direction. "You're already plotting. That's the same look The General and His Royal Imbecile get when they want to make some manoeuvre."

"I'm just, …pondering on what you said and how to do it."

"Good. And I'll help you where I can." Alina wanted to protest, knowing Genya already had so much on her plate, but the redhead shook her head. "Zip it, Starkov. I will. I'm very good at getting information."

"Oh, really?" she asked in fake mockery. She had no doubts of Genya's resourcefulness. She watched with a smile as the woman kept drinking without pause, and then let the now empty bottle fall on top of the carpet, a few drops ruining its beautiful colour.

"Yes. Now: braid my hair.”

Genya

The Tailor did her best not to cringe at Alina's attempted braids; she had done her best.

It was pleasant kind of strange, having a friend. Genya hadn't had one in a long time, since before the grisha discovered them and Kirigan placed her in the Grand Palace as his eyes and ears.

She had learnt much from him; she believed in his cause, and thus, she silently endured the life at the Grand Palace. It was only a small sacrifice for the sake of all grisha.

But friends? No. She had charmed people, made some allies and had plenty of people at her feet who owed her favours she would carefully collect. But she had never had a friend.

The other grisha saw her as a servant only. Even though she trained alongside them with Botkin on several occasions, even though she also endured Baghra's harsh lessons -those were brief, for Genya already had almost mastered her gift by the age of twelve- and she also wore a kefta. But it was white. And white was the colour of servitude.

Alina was the only grisha who seemed to seek her out for the sheer desire of her company; she sought her out to ramble on and on about how she was a fraud -Genya disagreed- and how behind of them all she was. 

Genya liked that. She liked Alina. She always asked her how she was doing, how she was feeling, a big smile on her face and her expression open, ready to listen. There was much that Genya couldn't tell her, but she shared what she could, and to her surprise, Alina cared.

So, Genya said nothing when Alina decided she would tailor her and ended up looking like a clown. Well, not quite, but it was definitely a rookie's work. Genya smiled anyways, because Alina had done it for the fun of it, with the best intentions in mind, wanting nothing more than to have a good time with her.

Genya did her face too. Without her powers, and still, she was perfect.

They talked late into the night, of things Genya hadn't known could be talked about to such lengths without getting bored or being malicious. Hm. She supposed it depended on the person one talked to. 

They settled on Alina's bed well past midnight, and she apologized for keeping her up so late.

"Oh, please. I'm the only one in this place who doesn't need a beauty sleep." She had said, flippant as she tossed her messy braid behind her shoulders.

They talked so more in the darkness. Suddenly, amongst the chatter and ramblings of her friend, Genya felt an all too familiar weight on her chest.

"I was thirteen." She said quickly, in one exhale of breath that left her shocked.

Although she couldn't see very well, she felt Alina turning on her side to look at her.

"I'll listen, if you want." Was all she said.

Saints bless her, Genya thought, tears in her eyes. She couldn't tell her everything, she didn't think she could stand it, but Alina had figured it out, so that made some of it easier.

"The king gave me odd looks ever since my first day at the palace, but I was thirteen when one night I was asked to go to his chambers." Her voice shook, much to her shame. She felt some ruffling among the sheets, and then a hand wrapping around hers. She squeezed it tightly. "I thought he might want me to do something about that chin of his, "she giggled bitterly. "I was frozen. I was as silent as the dead, and yet...I, I didn't fight back, not that first time. I just, " she made a motion with her hand, and wiped her cheeks. "I just laid there." She tried to steady her breath. "When he fell asleep, I got up. Everything hurt, and the blood had dried in my legs." She turned, barely making out Alina's teary eyes in the dim light that filtered through a window. "The guards escorted me back to my rooms. I kept crying, and one of them offered me a handkerchief. I'll never forget the looks of pity they gave me." She turned back, facing the fabric of the canopy above. "I never let them see me cry again. Ever."

She felt Alina scooting closer and placing both arms around her, and Genya returned her hug.

"It wasn't your fault." She said. Upon hearing those words, never spoken to her before, Genya couldn't help but sob. "He'll get what's coming to him."

Oh, she had no idea.

"Please don't tell anyone."

"Of course not." Alina hugged her tighter and ran a hand through the knots she had made in her perfect hair. "But I'm here; I'll always be here."

Genya's heart softened at that, and she closed her eyes, letting sleep take her in the safety of Alina's arms. Not the Sun Summoner. Not one of the most powerful grisha to ever exist. Nor the Saint; Ravka's only hope.

Just Alina.

Her friend. 

When Genya woke up a few hours later, the sun was still in its slumber.

Her arms wrapped around Alina, the other woman had both of her hands wrapped around her forearms, half leaning on top of her. 

She noticed the small, wet spot on the top of her nightgown. So Alina drooled in her sleep. Disgusting. Hilarious.

Carefully, Genya got up and got dressed, feeling lighter than before.

Without making a noise, she approached the bed and wrapped the blankets tightly around the summoner, placing a gentle kiss to her temple. She didn't even stir.

When Genya left the bedroom and headed down the stairs, she felt the weight upon her again, heavier, more solid, making her almost want to crumble right on the spot and cry until her throat was raw.

She didn't do that.

She held her head high and advanced with a purpose she didn't really feel on the inside.

The oprichniki at the doors allowed her passage without questioning, and she put one foot in front of the other down the long, dark corridor.

She knocked on a door, and after a moment was given permission to entry.

The Darkling sat behind a desk, an old book in a language she couldn't decipher in his hand. She wondered if he ever slept.

She bowed.

"Moi Soverennyi."

"Well, Miss Safin?"

She reached into her pocket and extracted a folded piece of paper. 

"She said this was the last one."

"Did you read it?" He asked as he took it from her hands and opened it unceremoniously.

"I did, sir." She took in a deep breath. "I truly believe this is the end of the problem."

"Good." He replied, his eyes running over the name the letter was addressed at, fingers trailing over the nice handwriting. "You are dismissed."

"Moi Soverennyi." She bowed again and turned, ready to return to the Grand Palace. To real life.

"Miss Safin?"

She looked back, a hand on the door handle already.

"What is that on your wrist?"

She looked down to see the pale skin had turned a nasty red, a few pimples here and there. Smoothly, she ran her other hand over the area, watching as it went back to its previous perfection.

"Just a little experiment, sir. Nothing serious." She smiled.

He nodded slowly, his eyes, as usual, trying to solve a puzzle.

She couldn't tell him...for now.

"Very well. Do be careful, Miss Safin." He said, leaning back in his chair and began to read the letter. "I would hate to lose such unique soldier."

She smiled once more and left before the edges cracked.

Part IV here

[misc-headcanons]

Hello! I’d like to request a bnha matchup (adult characters only please - heroes and villains are both fine), please. I’m a zoology student and I adore animals and nature. I’m quite studious, I’ve been told I’m intelligent, I’m sarcastic, snarky, honest, generous, irritable, and stubborn (especially as far as morals and beliefs go). I’m a big reader and a movie buff too. I’m quite eccentric and quirky, and I’m very nerdy. I adore science fiction, horror (one of my minor goals is to watch/read the most disturbing movies/books ever), and anime/manga. I like sarcastic, witty, dry, dark humour. Thank you very much! I hope this is enough to go on.

I match you with...Aizawa/Eraserhead!

Aizawa seems to attract all sorts of eccentric people, with Mic, Oboro, and Midnight being just three of them. Personally I don't think he views himself as that strange, and most of the time he's the "straight man" of the group that has a bunch of interesting and weird friends. When it comes to you however, he's attracted to your intelligence, your sense of humor (his is pretty similar: witty/dry/dark/sarcastic), and your dedication to studying in your respective field.

One thing he really values in someone is them being passionate about what they do and being hard-working, and he'd want to support you in your goals. Being a teacher and nighttime Hero eats into a lot of his spare time, and even if he doesn't mean to he'll usually nod off during movie nights together; he doesn't find the movies boring or anything--in fact, he actually gets a little disturbed or creeped out by them but doesn't let it show--he's just constantly tired, lol.

He'll bring home sci-fi books he thinks you'd like or remembers you mentioning, and one of the decorations on his desk at work is a sticker on his laptop of the "Don't Panic" sign/logo from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (and...yk, also your profile pic :P). He's in a lot of stressful situations so seeing it on his laptop a) reminds him of you and b) makes him feel a little less stressed.

You'd probably spend time with him and Eri, or maybe keep an eye on her while he's busy working. She loves hearing you talk about animals and Aizawa's heard her accidentally call the two of you by parental names like "Dad" or "Mommy". If you guys live together, he'd want to move your movie collection and more disturbing manga to a higher shelf where she can't reach; can't risk her wanting to watch a movie and suddenly she's watching "Death Bed: The Bed that Eats" or "Caligula", yk?

The one thing that causes problems in the relationship might be your stubbornness. He knows that having a significant other would make you a target if any Villains found out about you, so he'd want to keep you as far away from his Hero work as possible. Like he'll get wary if you go to UA to bring him something he left at home, and he can seem a little too protective of you (especially if you're a civilian without any combat training). But he's aware that stubbornness comes from a good place, so he tries to not let that worry gnaw away at him.

[beholdme]

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 13

Chapters: 13/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12]

If someone had asked Martin where he had least expected to be on the day after his thirtieth birthday, the veterinarian probably wouldn’t have been at the top of his list, but it definitely would have made the top ten.

Honestly, Martin didn’t think he had ever stepped foot into a vet clinic before in his life. He had never owned so much as a pet hamster, and now here he stood, clutching a tiny ball of mewling fluff and trying not to get distracted by the pet toys.

He felt positively inundated with new information on all sides. There were about a million different types of pet food lining the walls, and everything seemed to be a new bright colour to draw his distracted eyes. Warning signs that made very little sense to him filled the space, most memorably ‘Large birds must be kept leashed at all times inside the practice’, and ‘Reptiles need to be secured inside their travel enclosures.’

There was indeed an iguana in a massive glass enclosure sunning itself under a heat lamp, but it appeared to be a permanent resident, not a guest. Seemingly opposite to this was the massive tabby cat draped across the reception desk.

Martin begins to panic slightly.

He desperately wished he had allowed one of his lovers to accompany him, but he had sent Gerry back to bed to sleep and Jon had been shooed off to work, both quite thoroughly hung-over.

Now here he stands, alone with his new fluffy friend, and doesn't even know where to start. Neither of his partners have ever actually had a kitten before, but at least they had both owned cats before.

Gerry had been adopted by Saturn as a full-grown boy when he arrived at the window of his shitty little flat in Edinburgh and demanded to be let in. Gerry had confessed to a romantic feeling of instant affection for the fluffy beast and had taken Saturn in without a moment’s hesitation. They had moved together as he traveled the country, eventually settling together in London, where he had found Jon again.

Jon had been raised with several cats that had all been born before him and had liked them, but he had told Martin once that he heavily associated cats with his Grandmother and his slightly cold upbringing. That was all the pet experience he had until he met Saturn and fell in love with him as easily as they’d both fallen in love with Gerry. Like goth, like feline companion, apparently.

Nevertheless, Saturn did not appreciate being taken to the vet and had never gone once since Martin had met him.

"Can I help you, sir?" A kind-looking older lady sat at reception, and she beaconed Martin forward gently.

"I- I-" He started, stuttering badly. He closed his eyes and shook himself to dispel the unfortunate remnant of his childhood. “I found this kitten, and I was hoping the vet could check on it for me?”

“And will you be wanting to surrender it into our care?” She asks, tapping away at her keyboard.

“What?” Martin shies away, pulling the cat protectively even closer to his chest.

“You’re more than welcome to keep it, but we do also take in strays if you aren’t able to.” She smiles at him soothingly.

“Oh, I want to keep her please.” Martin flushes a bit. “I already gave her a name.”

The woman smiles at him knowingly. “The vet can see you in 15 minutes then.”

She takes his contact information, and they weigh Martin’s new friend. She guesses the kitten's age to be about 2 weeks and sends him off to sit close to the iguana.

*

An hour later, Martin stumbles out the door, armed with more supplies than he could ever have imagined he needed to raise one small animal. His head is spinning, alternating between fond adoration and complete anxiety over this new task that he has given himself. Luna meows at him supportively, happy to be clean and have a full belly.

Out on the street, he finds Jon. It’s raining slightly, and he’s wrapped in a long peacoat, with a scarf Martin is certain was once his.

“What are you doing here?” Martin demands, shocked. He stumbles over to his partner, and Jon reaches out to steady him. “I thought you were at the library."

Jon presses a quick kiss to his shocked mouth, before taking several things out of his overcrowded arms.

"I know you said that you were going to do this on your own, but I wanted to be nearby in case you needed me, so I called off." He shrugs a bit, "I reckoned that I had earned it, what with all the overtime I work and don't get paid for."

Martin is filled with warmth, eyes welling a bit. "Oh, Jon."

"Oh no, don't cry. I'm sorry." Jon's face pinches in concern. "I can go if you want me to."

"No, I'm so happy you're here. I was just wishing for you, and there you were. Thank you." Martin steps towards him as best he can, and they kiss softly for a few moments, out in the rain.

In time, the kitten, haphazardly clutched to Martin's chest, makes her displeasure at the soggy conditions known. Gripping hands tightly, Jon and Martin set off towards the bookstore, just a couple blocks over.

It’s quiet when they arrive, the morning pre-work rush over, and the student and lunch crowds far off yet. The two baristas and Tim descend upon them immediately when they see the small head poking out of Martin’s coat. There is much cooing and fuss over Luna, and Martin recounts the tale of discovering her in the back alley of Gerry’s bar.

Once they return to work, Jon and Martin settle on one of the sofas, a coffee table before them. They make up a small cat bed, which Luna explores for a few moments, before sitting at the edge and staring at Martin imploringly. He scopes her up and plops her inside, before placing the tiny bed right in his lap. She happily passes out after that, the wild adventures of the morning catching up with her little kitten body.

Deciding to truly have the day off, Jon does not take out his laptop and start working on it, instead ordering their tea, picking a book to read from the store, and bringing it all over to settle with his partner.

“Thank you for coming,” Martin tells him, a soft look on his face. He leans an elbow on the back of the couch, head resting on his fist. “I didn’t even realise how much I needed you until I saw you there.”

“I know,” Jon starts, frowning in concentration, “that I’m not always the best at sensing these things, that sometimes I can be too focused on myself and the things going on in my head. I do hope that I always manage to catch the important moments, and I trust that you’ll always let me know when I don’t.”

Jon pauses, and sighs, a self-deprecating smile lining his face. He continues, “I want to learn to be who you need me to be. I want to be for you, what you always are to me. I love you, Martin.”

“I love you too, Jon.” Martin squeezes Jon’s hand, before placing a sweet kiss in his palm. “You are exactly who I need you to be.”

It is a soft, hazy sort of day. The rain pours outside, and Jon lies against Martin and reads two books before lunchtime. Martin practices bottle-feeding Luna, every few hours, and Jon sits nearby watching nervously. He wonders vaguely if his partner is alarmed to be around an infant of any kind for a while, but on the third feeding, Jon seems to rouse himself and offers to give it a try.

Each time a new client comes in, there's a round of cooing and petting, and Martin worries that she’ll be spoiled rotten in no time. He imagines that if she spends much time here, he’ll have to sell cat treats and Luna will one day be as fat as a house.

At one point, Jon starts to read aloud, and Martin seems to fall asleep gently propped against his shoulder. He wakes to find Jon laughing softly and Luna learning to use him as a climbing frame.

"I think she likes you, love," Martin whispers into his hair.

"Well, I think I might like her too," Jon confesses, a world away from his scepticism of just this morning.

After lunchtime, Gerry flies into the store very manically, clutching a very strange backpack to his chest. It has a weird clear window, reminiscent of a ship’s porthole, and the rest of it is hard structured plastic.

He ducks down to kiss first Martin, then Jon, before thrusting the backpack into Martin's hands.

"What is this?" Martin asks, holding it away from himself as if it might bite.

"It's a cat backpack. Saturn has always preferred it to a normal cat basket, and I thought it might be useful if we need to take her to work with us and then back to various flats." Gerry walks around the table, bodily picking up Jon's legs and sitting beneath them. He looks like nothing so much as a large, damp bat, black trench coat flapping around him like over large wings. "I ordered her one of her own, but it won't be here for a few days, so I brought Saturn's in the meantime."

There's a beat of shocked silence, so Gerry adds, "Only if you want it, obviously."

"I- I do, thank you." Martin can feel himself blushing with odd pleasure.

He had made sure to ask them if they were okay with Martin keeping Luna, but he hadn't really expected them to embrace the situation with such gusto, and his heart burns with an odd intensity at their gestures of support.

It's almost-

It's almost like they love him, and care about all the things he cares about.

Martin sits, staring at a cat backpack, and allows the realisation to wash over him. It hits him like a tidal wave, despite the dozens and maybe hundreds of times they've said the words to him.

He feels very foolish, left floored by the fact that his lovers- well, that they love him!

Martin knows, understands even, that he has been left slightly broken by his father leaving, his mother hating him, the things that he chose to do to survive in his early adulthood. He does understand that, and yet he never realized that he was hearing Jon and Gerry say they love him and saying the words back, and yet subtly holding on to the (clearly mistaken) understanding that they don't really mean them.

It makes a sick kind of sense, clinging to the idea that they don't really care about him, so when they decide that they don't anymore, it doesn't leave him broken beyond repair.

Martin puts the cat bag down on the table, hands Luna to Gerry, and gets up. He waves at them reassuringly when they try to ask him what's wrong, before walking to the bathroom, locking the door, and sobbing like a child for several long moments.

*

As Luna grows, she spends time with each of them.

Gerry takes her most of the first nights, feeding her through the evenings and then handing her back to Martin as he leaves for the bookstore.

This means she spends quite a lot of her formative life in a bar, but when Martin goes in to check on them, he finds Gerry's plastered clientele just as enamored with the kitten as his own tea-drinking patrons.

Jon likes to have her in the late afternoons, keeping her at the library for a few sleepy hours before he leaves for the day. He tells Martin once that the children's reading group comes in during that time, and he likes to sit in with them and let Luna listen along.

The children, of course, adore her and Jon tells Martin very primly, "Listening comprehension is a very important skill in a developing infant."

Martin finds it hilarious and adorable and can't help but pull Jon into his arms and kiss him breathless, an unimpressed Luna trapped between them.

Saturn does not appreciate Luna at first, disappearing in a huff the first few times Martin brings her over to the studio.

"Don't worry about it, love." Gerry had waved away his concern casually. "He's just a jealous baby. He'll figure out that she wants to play with him eventually, and then they'll be the best of friends."

Indeed, Martin walks into the kitchen one morning to find the two cats curled together in a shaft of sunshine. Saturn is gently giving her a bath, and Luna purrs sweetly at the attention.

When Saturn notices him watching, he untangles himself, shows Martin his bum, and then disappears. He's reminded of nothing so much as Gerry himself, caught eating ice cream for breakfast, or smoking during the day, an activity he would insist is a nighttime pursuit only. The same drama is employed as a distraction technique, and Martin wonders whether the cat learnt it from the goth, or the goth learnt it from the cat.

Luna grows and settles, and Martin adores having her more than almost anything.

He takes the time, as they raise her, to force himself to accept his life for what it truly is. He puts aside the constant nagging fear that Jon and Gerry will lose interest in him one day and begins to notice all the ways they show him they love him, which makes the words all the more precious to him when they take the time to tell him.

[cinaminho]

_

Before we run || K.SM.

♡ Group: Straykids

♡ Genre: Fluff ,, highschool AU ,, non idol

♡ Warnings: cRINGe,,

----- ×

Hypothesis// It's not there yet but it's something special, A special kinda 'somethin

Now it was Spring time, everything was blooming, from flowers in fields to fresh Fruits on trees. It was that time again for everything to be new, purified and unruined. That's the kind of Bond you had with Him, it was as fresh as lavender , not tainted by such things as problematic disagreements and distrust, those struggles came with being a couple which was something you and him, Seungmin , weren't. Sure a few intertwined fingers here and there maybe a peck on the cheek or two, add Flirting too, but nothing beyond such had progressed between you two.

Yes, you were labeless and saw no problem with it so of course neither did he. You both never asked questions , what would need to be asked anyway, nothing came to mind for you and perhaps not for him either.

Everything was free and all was not set in stone, though everything seemed be rushed with everyone else everything you touched or did was light which you basked in. Walking into your school's cafeteria the smell of Baked sweet breads, fruits, fresh cooked roast beef and sounds of loud laughter along with muffled chattering could be heard, carrying yourself through the sea of young Humans searching for a table with familiar faces since your distinct group of friends never sat at the same one, searching beyond body barriers and hair squinting as far as you could you finally found them at the corner near the back, squeezing your way through people just to get to your own set that you talked to on the regular bases.

Successfully making it through the crowd you headed over to your crew of friends sighing contently as you sat down with small creases in your cheeks from smiling, your friend, Kara, was the first to observe you once you sat down next to her "Why do you look as if you just got done skipping through a meadow of daisies?" Your mind couldn't process her words quick enough transitioning from Shock you spoke "Well, for starters, I'm alive..," Kara gestured for you to keep going "and that should be enough."

You smiled making Kara smack her lips at your seemingly uninteresting answer, "Be Real honey, who's happy to be living without a catch." A Male's voice chimed in one that belonged to Ruben, another friend of yours, Kara snapped her head in his direction "Well what a dark but intriguing way to look at things." You ignored the last two comments from your friends still wanting to know why Kara assumed that their was a specific reason behind your smile.

"Excuse me, but why does there have to be a hidden motive behind my smile?" Your tone had a hint of offense laced with your words.

"Its not that there has to be one it's just that we want it to be one." Kara explained noticing your discomfort , "Which is?" You urged further suspiciously, "We were hoping you and him had finally got together , y'know , you and Seungmin, it's clear you two are deeply intrigued by one another." Kara added.

You nodded your head as it all came together they knew you hated when they pushed for more in situations that had nothing to do with them which explained Kara's Semi guilty and timid tone when she spoke "I'm sorry!" She quickly added "I'm not." Rueben shrugged making both you and Kara stare at him bewildered but he wasn't phased by the deathly stares from the two of you, so he continued .

"Look no one wants to deal with the cliches and predictable tales, you'll eventually realize you like him but have been putting it off, blah blah, every other fanfiction. You guys do small things that couples do so might as well be one." Rueben's tone dragged along as he spoke to you both it was quiet as no one repomded not knowing what to say.

"You read fanfiction?" Kara laughed breaking the weird silence "From time to time." He smirked confidently, you looked between the two speaking back and forth Eyes trained on them but your thoughts were focused on Rueben's last statement, it hit like a bag of bricks thinking he may be right, i mean, Would Seungmin and you actually turn out like that?

"Ohhh you're thinking about it," Kara squealed pulling you back to the real world away from your thoughts "I'm sorry , what?"

"You're thinking about you and Seungmin!" She grinned "actually I'm th-"

"You are." Rueben deadpanned , the school's cafeteria Bell rung letting it be known that lunch was over and it was time to get back to class. "Just talk to him about it or hint at it, whatever, ease him into the idea." Kara suggested while getting up from the table "Don't be a cliche." Rueben whispered to you as he walked past making you attempt to slap his face away for taunting you.

"I don't care how desperate I get for love, I'll never be as cliche those Stories Rueben probably reads." You mumbled to yourself gathering your things before standing and handing off to class.

♡ ~ - ~ ♡

Seungmin waited at the last cement step for you against the flag pole, the stampede of students slowed down and you were one of the last to appear outside , he had been bright all day but you unintentionally made him even brighter without much notice , you were fixing a strap on your bag as you walked down the steps of your school "I didn't know you could do something while walking other than talking." A mocking Seungmin spoke up causing your eyes to search until you found him "I didn't know you were capable of being anything more than a pain to those around you." Seungmin frowned briefly as you walked past Him before catching up to you lending his hand out for you to grab, nothing foreign to you excepting his advance and colliding both of your delicate hands the walk was only silent for a few seconds

"So I think I'm going to have a schedule change." His statement made you look at him with much curiosity "Why , you seem to like most of your periods."

"More time with you is great as well." You hummed understanding, slowly analyzing his explanation all while Rueben's comment clashed in your brain , Don't be a cliche, you weren't going to be one, you would speak up just to get a glimpse of what he thought of you two becoming an exclusive love.

"Seungmin,"

"You won't get tired of seeing me more often, right?" He suddenly spoke

You Shook your head "Seungmin I need your opinion"

"I feel like we'll only get closer." He grinned happily up at the sky, once again, discarding your questions initiation.

"Seungmin." You said more urgently catching his attention, you took a deep shakey breath it was funny how within a few seconds you became unsure about wanting ask this important question but it had to be done if not now, when? "You can't deny that we do things that almost would make people assume that we're a couple , right ?"

Seungmin searched your eyes as you kept walking hand in hand as if he was asking you why the sudden question, this brought a bundle of nerves to trigger a minor faster speed in your heart rate. "I suppose if I payed attention, then yes." You subtly released the air you withheld in your lungs, "So it wouldn't be completely-"

"For the love of Christ, Y/n, did your friends say something to you about us becoming 'exclusive'." He groaned. You were shocked that he knew "Yeah how'd you know?" You smiled "Because mine have been on my back about the same thing for since Last Wednesday ." Your mouth formed an Oh shape silence crawled into the air between the two of you feeling that the question had been answered, for the most part, but you couldn't help wanting to ask him further.

"But is the idea so bad?" You blurted out shamefully, Seungmin laughed at your slight embarrassment "No." He simply said "Well so why don't we do it?" He hummed softly "Do what?" , "Date." You said playfully annoyed. "Well because we don't need to right now."

"Why not? Everyone else is."

He chuckled for a moment making you stare at him weirdly "See you just said the two key words, 'Everyone' and 'else' , we are not everyone else, we are Seungmin and Y/n we move at our own pace while everyone else is rushing we'll take our time so we'll last while others are running around like chickens with their heads cut off attempting figuring out where their relationships went wrong. I'm not leading you on but I'm also not rushing into us being official." He said all in one breath seemingly focused on getting you to understand, it was as if he'd been waiting to explain this to you. You were totally at a loss for words staring into his .

"Okay." You spoke softly not seeing how you could argue with that nor did you want to, Seungmin felt the need to explain further he stepped in front of you gently grabbing your other hand , a soft breath left his lips as he gathered his nerves to look at you so he could speak "Please do not doubt me enjoying the idea of us being an officially a couple, I love that idea and I'm well aware that we look like we're one already sometimes, that is what I'm working towards, but I see all these relationships that are being rushed into and failing and I don't want that same outcome for us, I know this sounds like a load of-"

"Seungmin!" You semi yelled to grasp his attention and stop his rambling as he gazed into your shining orbs "If I doubted you the first time you explained it I'd be gone." You giggled. "Oh thank God." He breathed out "I'm okay with taking things slow just as long as it ends up somewhere." You assured, "Great and it will! Like my dad says, we have to walk before we run, that was his motto for a few years while dating my mom , they took their time and still are but as husband and wife." Seungmin said proudly.

You felt your own smile appearing seeing this as a great moment to tease him "So wait, you're saying that in a few years we may be married if we take our time?" Your devilish grin appeared quickly after your question, Seungmin looked into your eyes searching for signs of bluff which he found as you fought to keep your laughter In "Ha Ha nice one , let's get you home." He sarcastically spoke pulling you along to walk again.

-

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A/N ' The original title was different which would explain the hypothesis and was supposed to be longer but I accidentally cut the ending thinking I hit paste, so I was too lazy to rewrite it.