#also anything hamburger helper

[merriblu]

Over the last decade I tried to cultivate my tastes to finer food - nothing too fancy, just trying to stay away from overly processed food and fast food chains.

But y‘all…

I am CRAVING canned tamales. I know it’s a crime against Mexican cuisine but it’s up there with pop tarts and instant ramen for me. I decided to see if I could buy some here and I didn’t see any in the supermarket so checked online.

The cheapest I found was 1 can for 12.50€… or I could buy 12 for 150.00€.

And I am ashamed to say that for a good few seconds, I actually considered shelling out the money 🙈🙈🙈

[tarteggs]

room 276

[shirtshawaiian]

hey do you like garlic and onions i can not tell

perchance

[whispertells]

i knew this day would come but i was not prepared…. my mommy isn’t making thanksgiving dinner this year ;-;

[katesmemes]

feel free to change any pronouns, etc. || may contain some nsfw!

"I don't think that blush is your shade."

"I'll probably just stay home."

"This is the first critical rager of the year."

"You know what your doctor said."

"You need socialization."

"Why don't you use my tanning bed?"

"You're in need, babe."

"I'm really sorry you got electrocuted."

"Are you hot for anyone?"

"[Name], [Name], [Name], [Name], [Name], [Name], [Name]!"

"I don't know who that is."

"He doesn't play sports; he's cerebral."

"This party is gonna be clutch!"

"These things will turn your feet into hamburger helper."

"It's not haunted, just abandoned. Desecrated."

"Well, I heard [Name(s)] do witchcraft over there."

"I've never seen anybody there."

"I think it's really peaceful and quiet."

"I talk to him sometimes."

"I brought this for you."

"It's kinda morbid when I wear it so I wanted you to have it."

"That's really weird, [Name]."

"I just don't think anyone should be forgotten."

"Y'know, I wasn't gonna say anything, they were such a mess, but you look amazing now!"

"Oh my God, [Name], bag your face!"

"How do you know my name?"

"So what exactly happened to her?"

"I can never ever talk about it, for personal and legal reasons, and i also pinky swore, but I guess I can tell you. I trust you."

"I'd be screwed up if I were her, too."

"Hi, sorry, how do we know each other?"

"You're being so dramatic."

"This is not what I expected from you; you have so much potential."

"Lets find somewhere for you to sit for a bit, yeah?"

"I hate parties like this; I don't even know why I came."

"Your hair feels like easter grass."

"You know it's not nice to lead people on."

"I wish I was with you."

"It's okay; everyone does it."

"You should probably get going."

"Did you smash the mirror in the bathroom?"

"Do you know what happens to people who act out?"

"How about an apology?"

"I feel like I may want to apologize for what happened last night."

"Well, I'm glad you're okay."

"Oh, is there pizza left?"

"I think I'm gonna skip the movie."

"I'm just really tired from work."

"Do you know how hard that is on the groin muscles?"

"It doesn't even hurt anymore."

"Do you like this song?"

"We're better off up here in case anyone comes home."

"I haven't said this many words in a row in forever."

"I hate to say it, but you're either crazy, or just goddamned inconsiderate!"

"You're kind of absurd, aren't you?"

"I really don't get your fixation with that one."

"There are plenty of halfway-dece guys who would date you."

"I wanna help you, I really do, but I dunno how."

"It's a waste of time to try and fix a boy; it's better to just accept a guy's flaws."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"What happened to your neck?"

"You don't want to hold my hand?"

"This whole place gives me the creeps, okay?"

"I thought that was a really cool thing to say."

"Don't feel bad about what we did!"

"You saved me."

"Is that a rad new trend or something?"

"I don't play with dolls anymore."

"I'm sure there's some explanation."

"You know I'm usually pretty cool about things, right?"

"I have a bad feeling about this."

"You have no idea how scary this is."

"I actually feel like something's wrong."

"People are so afraid of death because they dunno when it's gonna happen to them."

"I'm not afraid of death anymore."

"I don't wanna die a virgin."

"I want to do it with someone I truly love."

"You're so supportive."

"I love our conversations."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude."

"How about I drive since you're not feeling so good?"

"Your boobs look great by the way."

"This is just too freaking much."

"It's your fault we're screwed."

"You act like you're happy for me, and you care about me, but you're not really happy for me."

"You couldn't let me have this one thing?"

"You knew I liked him and you went after him on purpose!"

"I swear, I would never do that to you!"

"Guys usually only want me for one thing."

"It just was never gonna work out between us."

"I don't have feelings for you like that."

"Do you know how uncool that is?!"

"Uh, you're not making any sense."

"Thank you for being nice to me when no one else was."

"You're the type of person who usually bullies me or looks right through me, but you didn't."

"You actually went out of your way to try to tell people I was part of your family."

"You really actually wanted me to be your sister..."

"You're a great person, [Name]."

"Listen, we're running out of time."

"Make love to me."

[mystiquedrops]

INCORRECT QUOTES FOR DT SINCE IT'S RETURNING! !!

SPOILER ALERT !!

(I have learnt you can make your texts look fancy, so I may as well give it a shot !)

"Min: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?

Arei: Put spaghetti in it.

Min: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.

Whit: Put spaghetti in it.

Min: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.

Xander: Put spaghetti in it.

Min: I am no longer taking suggestions."

—

"Teruko: What’s the status up here?

Ace: Fucked up, about to die, Charles is a nerd. The usual."

_

"Hu: I’ve only Nico had for a day and a half but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself."

_

"Eden: How do tall people people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you?

Levi: Eden, it's four o'clock in the morning.

Eden: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?"

_

"Arei, passing their phone to Eden: I'm passing the phone to someone, who if I had to choose between hanging out with them, and having my organs removed one by one, I’d choose the organs.

Eden, passing the phone back to Arei: I'm passing the phone to my best friend!"

_

"Ace: Is it still visible? Where Hu slapped me?

Teruko: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.

Rose: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.

Levi: A palm reader could tell Hu's future by looking at your face.

Arei: The phrase 'talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.

Ace: ...A simple 'yes' would've sufficed."

_

"Hu: Arei, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you?

Arei: Arturo, Hu wants you to get out of the house."

_

"Eden: I told Teruko that her ears turn red when she lies.

Levi: Do they?

Eden: No.

Levi: Then why did you tell her that?

Eden: Because I can do this.

Eden: Hey Teruko! Do you love us?

Teruko, with her hands over her ears: No."

_

"Nico: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable... ...and also assault with a deadly weapon."

_

"Eden: eating a cinnamon roll

Veronika: Cannibalism.

Eden: confused chewing noises"

_

"Rose: I wanna sleep for 40 hours.

Teruko: You know that's called a coma, right?

Rose: That sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now."

_

"Xander is speaking on the phone

Xander: Yeah, I'm with Teruko.

Teruko: Im fucking dying-

Xander: Yep, she's okay.

Teruko: I have a knife in my chest!

Xander: No, she can't talk right now. She's sleeping, sorry.

Teruko: IM BLEEDING OUT-"

_

"Eden: You use humor to deflect your trauma.

Whit: Awww, thanks-

Eden: That’s not a good thing!

Whit: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny."

_

"Xander: we could make a boys club!

Nico: Im non-binary.

Xander:

Xander: Anti-girls club."

_

"Arei, to someone that angered her: Holds two middle fingers

Teruko: Can’t say I’m surprised…

Whit: Yeah, flip em off, Arei!

Eden, confused: Holds one middle finger

The cast, very distressed: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_

[chaifootsteps]

The one excuse "because its hell" as to why everyone in helluva swears like theyre a child that just discovered swears is now 100% irrelevant because we now have ANGELS with sharp tooth evil hamburger helper grins and demon horns also swearing.

They dont need to be soft spoken pushovers but just ANYTHING to make them different from demons.......

Oh wait i can see it now. Fans will say its poetic that angels are just as bad as demons to hardcore cover for vivzies god awful dialog writing. They said the same thing for why humans and sinners in helluva seem more evil than hellborn.

Oh, they're already doing it, and of course Viv's pretending that was her plan all along.

It exhausts the man.

[vargskelegore]

heyoo!! could we get a fic where transfer student!shuri realizes u mostly eat struggle meals like ramen n the occasional hamburger helper n since you feel bad abt her taking you out to eat a decent meal everyday she learns how to cook w you 💪🏾

author's note: NO BECAUSE THIS IDEA IS SOOOO CUTE. i'm always eating a damn struggle meal so this is relatable af. ramen gang for the win tho.

cake boss, who? - hbcu!shuri x black!reader

requests: open to headcanons & imagines!

on campus, for lunch, you usually ate ramen. no, not maruchan-- that shit was below your standards. nongshim. the more superior budget ramen. although, even that shit wasn’t really healthy for you.

it was a common experience-- being a college student and being broke since you were either unemployed, or your job paid so bad you might as well be unemployed.

you were lucky that sometimes your rich roommate would pay for you to eat because she wanted to- but since she was always gone, going on dates with random dudes on campus, it wasn’t often you ate something she got you.

honestly, shuri took you out to eat more times than you could count (AS FRIENDS.... i guess?), but you felt really bad about taking her money and food all the time. it wasn’t like they were michelin star restaurants, just stuff like ihop, waffle house, panera bread.. they were luxury to you, though.

on one of the days you were cooking shin ramyun, there was a familiar knock on your door. shuri. shuri developed this knock based off of drum beats they would do back in her home country, and it was something she did on your door to remind herself of home, and also let you know her arrival.

“the door is open!” you called out, attempting to keep the amount of smoke down because if you even had it float a little too high, that alarm was gonna get you, and your cooking in the dorm days would be over.

as soon as shuri walked in, she could smell you cooking the same thing, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms.

“every time i walk in here, not only are you cooking, it’s always that high sodium trash.” shuri looked around the room as she walked inside.

“yeah well, it’s at the local neighborhood walmart, and it’s like six bucks for a pack of them.” you shrugged as you pushed the noodles around with your chopsticks.

“..is the meals i get you not enough?” there was a hint of panic in shuri’s voice -- one thing about her was that she always tried hard, but for you, she went beyond that. she wasn’t exactly sure why she was like that.

noticing what shuri said, you cut her off so quick. “no! i love the places you take me, but.. i don’t want you to spend money on me like that..” your voice got quiet at the end, and that’s when shuri walked over to you, staring down at you.

“nonsense, it’s barely anything.. i’m willing to spend enough to keep you well fed. i think it’s stupid how american university tuition just uses up so much money that you have to live off of cheaply made factory food.” shuri could go on a rant about this, and you could tell she had been bottling that opinion up for a while.

“i don’t disagree, but this is my life, shuri.” you sighed in defeat as you turned around to drain the water.

shuri got directly behind you, hands in her pockets. when you turned back around, you were met with her being right in front of you.

“then let me try something different. let’s cook together.” there was hope in her voice as she stared down at you. your hand, which was being occupied by your ramen pot, slightly began shaking.

“i, uh..”

“please? i think you can make a good meal without using so much money, if that’s what you’re worried about.” her voice was gentle, and god, how could you say no to that voice? hell, it was practically begging.

after a moment of silence, you nodded.

shuri’s face lit up as she took the pot from your hand, pouring the sauceless noodles into the trash. you were a bit shocked that she did that so quickly.

“shuri, that was my lunch--!”

“hush, we’re gonna make a better lunch together.”

ever since that moment, you two started making food together. learning how to cook cheap and tasty food was a bit of a challenge, but you both managed to deal with it.

you two made everything together. pasta, soup, fancy ass sandwiches, and so much more. for you, seeing shuri in an apron when you guys were baking was the cutest thing ever.

powder all over her face, squealing when a certain ingredient got all over her. it was adorable and it melted your heart.

there was nothing more you enjoyed than the company of shuri.

on one of the days you two were baking, you both decided to bake a cake this time. nobody told y'all it would take a while, but honestly, that was probably because you two were goofing off instead of baking which made it take longer.

as you were mixing the buttercream frosting mixture together, shuri sighed in annoyance.

"crap, i forgot my phone.. i'm gonna go get it, i'll be right back. don't eat the frosting. i'm serious."

you held your hands up in surrender before nodding. mentally you were smirking, because you were gonna eat it anyway.

as soon as she left, you waited about 20 seconds before sticking your finger into the bowl and taking a taste.

a few tastes turned into more tastes. and more. but it wasn't enough to make it look like it wasn't enough for icing.

as soon as you could hear shuri coming back, you immediately went back to mixing, whistling a bit as you didn't acknowledge her presence out of guilt of eating it.

"..y/n? i'm back." shuri raised an eyebrow at you as she walked back over to where she originally was.

you hummed before muttering out a quick "hi." and went back to doing what you were doing.

shuri, being the suspicious person she was, crossed her arms and just stared at you. you could feel her stare but you tried so hard to make it seem like you didn't care.

"y/n. turn around for me, real quick?"

"but i'm mixing.. i can't get distracted." you lied, realizing your once rhythm on mixing suddenly became very irregular.

shuri didn't say a word before pulling you from the mixing station and over to where she was standing. you tried covering your face, but she was quick to make you uncover.

that's when she saw it.

she brought a thumb to your face, wiping off something on the corner of your mouth, and licking it off her own thumb.

"that tastes really good, but damn, y/n, you could've lied a little better, no?" it was icing. she had a teasing grin on her face as she watched you become visibly embarrassed. all she could do was laugh as she went to grab the frosting and begin icing the cake.

you were stunned, to say the least. what were you gonna do with this girl?

[random-imagines-blog]

Imagine Deadpool dealing with your Autassassinophilia.

You might just be the only person that Deadpool worried about. The only person who he thought was a little bit too reckless. Could be because he loved you and genuinely didn’t want anything bad to happen to you but - you were also drawn to danger. Like right now.

“I don’t want to wear the parachute,” You said with a pouting face as everyone was securing their packs for a safe landing. “I could easily wear a gliding suit. This is just going to weigh me down, Wadey Baby.”

“But if you don’t,” He said in the same sing-song voice, “You’re not going to be pretty anymore. You’re going to look like hamburger helper down on the street.”

“Are you trying to tell me that hamburger helper isn’t pretty?” You asked, raising an eyebrow, grunting as Domino somehow got lucky, as she always did, using your posture to slip it onto you. You tried to shrug it off. She held it on.

“Oh, he’s more on the sexy side, lover,” Deadpool purred. “You know I love a hand that works on it’s own. I just don’t want you to end up being the beef and the pasta.”

“And now you’re saying you don’t want to eat me?” You pouted again. Wade opened his mouth to say something but Shatterstar gave him a push.

“Stop flirting and get the job done,” He said, preparing to jump himself.

“You heard the alien, let’s go,” You said, and before Wade could reach for you, you jumped off of the plane with the  buckles on your parachute undone. He looked out into the open sky and heard you yell, “COWABUNGA DUDES” as you fell. He didn’t feel secure until he did see the parachute open, and then jumped himself. The shitting himself part of the mission being partly over, he was ready to somewhat focus, or at least as much as he could with the thought of eating you out later on his mind now.

Requested by: Anonymous

[lunaraindrop]

steddie prompt: hamburger helper.

that little glove is fucking adorable; i want a plushie of it (up to you if you use this in the prompt).

Ask and you shall receive, Willow dear! 😊

There is some added Claudia/Wayne, but this is Steve and Eddie’s story 💜

*EDIT* This will be longer than two parts!

-----

Hamburger Helper Pt. 1

It was on a random Wednesday afternoon when Dustin Henderson changed the course of Eddie’s life forever.

Mrs. H, the delightful woman she was, convinced Eddie and his uncle Wayne to come over and help Dustin clean out the garage and then have dinner.

She had invited Steve to come as well, but he sadly stated that he had to work. How Family Video was still open was beyond Eddie, but he and Robin were busier than ever.

Somehow, it turned into Claudia Henderson inviting Wayne in for lemonade (from a mix) and powdered donuts (homemade), and giving he and Dustin chocolate chip cookies (homemade) and raspberry kool-aid (from a mix).

Wayne has a weakness for powdered donuts. Ironically, he also has a weakness for Claudia Henderson.

Eddie, who loved spending time with Dustin, was up for helping the halfling declutter his smial. (He was also eager to get his uncle back into dating. At least one of them could maybe have their crush.)

It was hour three into putting things into "keep" or "donate" piles, when Dustin spoke up.

"You know, Eddie. You're one of my best friends, right?"

Eddie smiled and noogied the top of his head. "Aww, Dusty! Right back at you."

Dustin cleared his throat. That made Eddie pause his steps. It sounded like that was actually an opener for something serious. Eddie turned his undivided attention to the kid.

"You're one of my best friends, Eddie. I love you. You're practically family to me. So, you could tell me anything. Anything at all."

He looked imploringly into Eddie's eyes. "I'm safe to talk to. You can trust me. Okay?"

Eddie...was really getting freaked out.

"I love and trust you, Henderson. But, uh, what exactly is it that you want me to tell you?"

Dustin sighed.

"You don't trust me."

Eddie, bewildered, blinked and waved his arms.

"I just said I did! But what the fuck, man? What do you think I'm not telling you?"

Dustin pursed his lips, and nodded to himself.

"Look, I'm just going to come out and say something. On the off chance I'm wrong, which hardly ever happens by the way, just tell me I am and we'll forget I even said anything, okay?"

Eddie nodded, even more bewildered than before. "Ok...ay....Cool. Speak now, oh wise one."

Dustin opened his mouth, closed it, pursed his lips, and opened his mouth again.

"You're in love with Steve."

It felt like Dustin had just dumped a bucket of ice water onto Eddie's head. Eddie stumbled backwards and landed in one of the clothing boxes. There was a loud thud.

"Eddie!"

Dustin ran over to help him out.

"You boys alright out there?"

"We're fine, Ma!"

"J-just horsing around, Mrs. H!"

That seem to placate her.

Eddie shot up from the box, and quickly turned to Dustin.

"What do you know? *How* do you know? Jesus Christ, does *he* know?!"

Dustin reached out and soothed the older guy. "Easy, Eddie. I'm sorry! Maybe I shouldn't have been so blunt."

Eddie waved him off. "You think?!" He paced across the concrete forca second, before turning back.

"Henderson, you have ten seconds to explain why you think I should be telling you anyrhing about that, or I'm going to make your character's life a living hell next champaign."

So, Dustin did. As quickly as he could, he told Eddie in bullet points the evidence that Eddie didn’t just think of Steve as a good friend.

The kid was thorough. Very observant. Didn't miss a beat.

Damn him, he knew Eddie's secret.

"Who else knows?"

Dustin actually looked hurt. "No one, Eddie! I swear! I mean, Max kind of suspects something, but that's kinda different..."

"So Max *kinda* thinks I'm in love with Steve?!"

"Umm...kind of the other way around? And that Steve is going to be a sad, pining loser forever because you're not into him?"

What?

Eddie flailed. "What?! That's crazy talk!"

"That's what I said!"

"Steve isn't into me at all! He's not even into men!"

"That...not my place to say."

Eddie sharply side-eyed him. Dustin looked nervous.

"You know something, don't you, idjit!"

Dustin crossed his arms.

"I only know something if Steve isn't going to get hurt."

Holy shit.

"Hooooly shit."

"So, do you?"

Eddie spoke faintly. "Do I what?"

"Love Steve."

"Oh. That."

Now Dustin was flailing. "AND?"

"Oh I love him. I love him with the flame of a thousand burning suns. I even learned how to play Springsteen on acoustic for him."

Dustin's eyes widened. "Springsteen?!"

Eddie nodded, defeated. "I know."

"Oh my God! You really love him!"

"So, so much."

They were quiet for a moment, before Eddie spoke up again. "So, that thing Red thinks. Do *you* think Steve is a pining loser over me?"

"Hamburger Helper."

That answer confused Eddie.

"What?"

"Hamburger Helper. It's Steve's favorite meal. Especially the Cheeseburger Mac kind."

The wheels started turning in Eddie's head.

"So, if I made him that-"

"He would be putty in your hands, yes."

Eddie gave Dustin an impish grin. "I do make a mean Hamburger Helper."

Link to Pt.2

[yousaydisco]

Cooking/food headcanons for a few characters

(some of these I've put in various fics but there are some new ones)

Harry: Couldn't cook anything before the amnesia, but has taken up cooking as a new hobby. Took him a while to get good but he sincerely likes it. Has started to give homecooked meals/treats away as gifts, and is even okay at baking stuff. It took everyone else at the Precinct even longer to trust the food he makes though, but for a lot of them, it just took until seeing Kim eat his cooking without hesitation for them to want to try his stuff.

Kim: Like most cops, his diet is/was mainly takeout (a lot less takeout now that Harry cooks for him sometimes). He isn't good at cooking but can probably master a few basic recipes. He tries to pass himself off as a "food is just fuel for the body" type of guy and would eat anything when he's in public, but that is to hide that he's actually kind of a picky guy. There are very few foods that he hates enough to be able to force himself to eat, but he doesn't force himself when he's alone.

Judit: There are two ways to take it: if he husband is shitty, and if her husband is not. All depends on how you would interpret her line about "raising two kids and half a husband."

If her husband is shitty then she comes home and has to cook them all dinner, despite working a full shift as a patrol officer. She knows the best way to spice up the Hamburger Helper type meals, the kind that come in a box and are really easy to throw together. They might relay on takeout a little too often, but she's really tired and she also cares about her kids having enough to eat and not going hungry.

If "half a husband" refers to like, he's unemployed/a house husband and NOT shitty, then he would do the cooking. He's pretty good at it, and she loves coming home to hot food ready to be eaten immediately. When she has a day off she loves to take over in the kitchen for breakfast, wakes up the kids with cinnamon rolls as often as she can.

Jean: My headcanon for his background has changed a lot but generally I think he is a guy who is secretly REALLY GOOD at cooking. He grew up having to fend for himself (either just himself or possibly a whole mess of siblings with him as the oldest) and he's just a whiz in the kitchen. Has learned many family recipes from his grandparents who came to Revachol from Messina. If you tell him that he can't eat carbs there is a real risk he will kill you.

Cuno & Cunoesse: Cannot and should NEVER be trusted with a stove. Not only can they not cook but they will use the stove to melt plastic cups and burn paper. However: Cuno loves fried bologna sandwiches and Cunoesse loves lemon-flavored desserts.

Neither of them are picky kids, especially (and this happens in the story where Harry leaves Martinaise with the both of them and house them) for the first few months after being home with Harry. They didn't have access to good food all the time, and sometimes didn't consistently have access to food in general, so neither voiced any complaints about what they were given to eat. Slowly but surely Cuno felt comfortable enough to tell Harry that he doesn't like a few things, like mushrooms, but Cunoesse literally will eat and like anything. She will devour an entire pack of saltine crackers if you aren't watching her.

Overall Precinct: While a majority of them seem to live off of breakroom coffee, cigarettes, and the kebabs within walking distance, there is a secretary who liked to bring in donuts every Wednesday morning. It was pretty popular and they often didn't last an hour, but an Incident Happened and she transferred to a different wing. (No one wants to tell Harry and he's petrified that he did something really weird and made her uncomfortable enough to transfer, and in his worst moments he thinks about tracking the specific woman down to apologize but he's too scared of what she will say)

(he is actually the one who made her uncomfortable but it wasn't because he hit on her or made her feel unsafe in that way, it was actually him trying to be an Ultra-Feminist and went on a lecture that she didn't have to do all of this just because she was a woman and she is pigeonholing herself in an unnecessary caretaking position, and she got pissed off since she has been buying them donuts out of the kindness of her heart and he's turning it into a whole thing and making her feel dumb or something. So she transferred. No one wants to tell him because they're pissed off that he ruined their free donuts and they want him to feel bad.)

[destoonie]

Dante is a menace

A list of random headcanons but if the Zogratis siblings weren’t trying to end the world by logical means :)

Dante enjoys cooking but doesn’t know what the fuck he does and is shitty at it

Lucifero helps in the kitchen but also has no taste in anything whatsoever so he actually makes things worse

He uses gravity magic to flex while cooking

Everything is burnt or undercooked

Lucifero makes things gross and adds blood and death, just wants to eat children and not peasant food

Dante just laughs and makes hamburger helper badly

Adds wine for flavour, but pours the entire bottle

Zenon stays on the side, not interested in entering the mess of a kitchen and just casually roasts Dante and Lucifero’s cooking

Vanica lives for the chaos

Zenon is allergic to peanut butter but Dante puts some on anyways

Zenon just picks up fast food instead

Zenon like the Big Mac from McDonald’s, that exists

Finral works at the McD as the drive through guy, and he has the expression of someone who experienced hell and back 5 times during his 9-5 shift

Lucifero has NO taste in anything, food, fashion, love, smell, music etc.

Dante and Lucifero’s relationship are besties who bicker at each other

Dante has a YouTube cooking channel

Dante and Lucifero have a sibling dynamic

Lucifero often goes into his mini form and complain whenever Dante does anything and if Dante has enough, just grabs and yeets him behind

Dante goes gambling with Yami every Thursday or so and are banned in most casinos, mostly Dante but Yami soon follows

Dante could be in the middle of a fight or war, and would stop and ask Yami to go gambling with him, which most times he agrees and they only continue their fighting till the next day like nothing happened

Dante will spend hours at a casino, or until he gets booted out

Dante is surprisingly a lightweight when it comes to alcohol and will always go drinking when he loses a lot at the casino. Which is a lot

Dante likes to do the wildest shit to get Yami’s attention, like impersonating a stripper or crawling in the sewers and Yami not caring

The Zogratis siblings are just accepted by everyone as ‘that one weird cousin’ except it’s the entire of them being labelled as that

Dante likes organized crime dramas like the sopranos and wants to have that as his aesthetic but fumbles it completely

Dante tries to be a mastermind crime leader but he fucks up his own plans, which weren’t that good to begin with, and no one actually takes him seriously

Dante also can’t smoke for shit, he takes one puff and goes into a coughing fit

I might add on to this, I’m actually having so much fun and laughing at these scenarios lmao

[dollsonmain]

Yeah I can’t get my old BDU pants, which used to be comically too large, up past my mid-thigh.

It’s funny how I was so tiny then and the military kept trying to convince me I was too fat. I was 124 lbs and they wanted me to be 110.

My lowest weight when anorexia was winning was 120. That’s when I was eating very little once a day or less. For two years in the military I ate a bag of baked potato chips and a jar of salsa per day and that was it.

I don’t feel any different at 170, to be honest. I mean, I feel the same amount of “too fat” now as I did then. Eating disorders are as wild as societal fatphobia is.

There was a stretch of time (2003 - 2005) where That Guy would buy nothing but 2 boxes of Hamburger Helper and one pound of beef per week, and one cheap trip to taco bell per week where we’d split a combo meal, and that was our food for the week. We’d use half a pound of beef per box of Helper and stretch those two boxes out for the week. I couldn’t do anything since I had no money then. I was 124 lbs then, too.

I hate Hamburger Helper.

Then in 2005 we moved to where I was able to walk to work (words cannot express how much I miss that, genuinely, and if I think about losing that ability too much I want to die, which I say with no exaggeration), and I did, and I started earning some money, and I started buying food. I was 135 then, and maintained that weight until I got pregnant.

After my son was born I leveled out around 140 and stayed there until I hit 38 and then BLOOP up to 160, then my kidneys gave out and I went down to 125 again for a year or two (anorexia was winning again), then back up to 170.

I have no money, now, but I have a little leverage with a kid in the house. It’s going to be a struggle to have access to food again when my son grows up and moves on.

I hate money.

I need money.

Need a car to get a job, need a job to get a car.

I guess one benefit of living in the type of households I’ve been living in (tl:dr abusive from birth to now) is that it’s taught me how to “don’t think, just do, to survive” which means I can eat, now, in spite of myself. And kind of in spite of That Guy, too. I have to admit some of my weight gain is to spite him.

Anyway I’m thinking about it because my pants are uncomfortably tight and I’ve caught myself wanting to be skinny again a few times lately, but had to sit down and think about why.

because That Guy keeps bringing up that he likes skinny young girls and he is my “partner” at the moment

society keeps telling me I’m supposed to be skinny and young and especially smooth and tight even though I’m no longer young

I have an eating disorder that also keeps telling me I’m supposed to be skinny and young and have smooth, tight skin

my clothes are tight and uncomfortable moreso than they were before and I don’t want to get new ones

None of those are good reasons. There are no good reasons.

I’d work on fit or at least strong if my body could take it.

[cheemscakecat]

Things in American Supermarkets that are not worth buying.

Just in case anyone was planning to stay for a while and was getting catfished by the advertisements.

Boxed scalloped/AU gratin potatoes. These potatoes are dehydrated so they’ll keep in the box, and they never rehydrate to the soft texture you want when making these sides. Buying an actual bag of potatoes is a better deal because you can prepare them any way you wish, and you don’t have to use the whole bag at once.

2. Digorno pizza. Not all frozen pizzas are bad, in fact I’d recommend Red Baron because the crust actually gets to a consistent crunchier texture, and the middle is warmer. Digorno’s is bad because the thick crust is lukewarm and dough-ey in the middle. Red Baron also comes in a big 3-pack if you go to Sam’s Club.

3. Frozen TV meals in general. Some things are ok, like the Stouffer’s lasagna, but most dishes do not translate well to being frozen and reheated. The meats in the standard meatloaf, chicken, and Salisbury steak meals are pretty mediocre, but passable. Noodles are usually mushy and not satisfying to eat. A good rule of thumb is not to buy anything that sounds too experimental, like a dish from another culture or something with a gimmick, like celebrity frozen meals.

4. Canned soup as a meal. There are two good reasons to buy Campbells meal soup; for a child or for someone who’s sick. Their cream of soups are ingredients that can be used in casseroles, and they work well. But canned soups meant to be eaten as a meal have mushy noodles and potatoes that are too firm; and some supermarkets have fresh soup for you to take home and heat up. Go for the fresh stuff in the plastic containers near the pre-wrapped deli sandwiches.

5. Hamburger Helper. Supermarket dry pasta can sell for as little as a dollar for a pound, and there are a variety of sauces to choose from. You can even make a casserole using cream of soup and partially cooked dry pasta.

Hamburger Helper is made in a skillet, so there’s always pasta getting stuck or only partially cooked, leaving you with inconsistent and unsatisfying textures when you eat it. College students who aren’t cooking for a crowd usually indulge in this boxed pasta, which is understandable. But you can also freeze your leftovers or meal prep when you make a pasta dish yourself.

6. The cheap snack cake brand donuts. I might get some flack for this, but they aren’t worth it in my opinion. America has a plethora of actual donuts that you can buy, that are the right texture. Krispy Crème donuts are commonly found in convenient stores, and some supermarkets have their own donut case next to the cake and bakery bread.

Cheap snack cake donuts are dry on the inside whether it’s the powdered sugar or chocolate variant, so you always need something to wash them down with. Actual donuts are fluffy, soft bread on the inside, with a good glaze, frosting, or filling for sweetness. There are better snack cakes than these.

[ruggiethethuggie]

A Quiet Night

a late night turned early morning with Ruggie Bucchi

WC: 3,277

*notes: I love the stars, the night sky, the sunrise, the sunset. They're some of my favorite things to see, I take so many pictures. I think Ruggie would really enjoy them, too. I am writing for myself, so I'm sorry in advance ♥ Also, fair warning this is not a happy hehe so funny fic. **tw: death and abandonment are talked about, idk i made myself want to cry writing this © please do not copy and or repost my work as your own, my brain is massive and these are my thoughts.

You opened your sleepy eyes. realizing you must’ve dozed off from how tired you were. You looked around the room as you rubbed your eyes. You were still in what you called your “house clothes”, an old faded League of Legends tee and a pair of your favorite black sweatpants.

Looking to the left of you on the bed, your companion for the night seemed to be missing. Where was he? You rolled out of bed, still half awake, and walked into the living room. You could hear pots and pans fumbling, cabinet doors opening- all coming from the kitchen.

You found Ruggie there, the culprit behind all this noise. You could see he had his hair pinned back away from his face, still in his oversized tee and gray sweatpants from earlier that night. He had his head in the cabinets, rummaging through them all. You could tell by the cracked doors that he had already been through half your kitchen.

“Ruggie? What are you doing?” you asked as you stood in the doorway.

Ruggie’s ears flicked as he heard your voice and turned in your direction.  “Well, hello there,” he said with a grin. “I wanted to make something for a late night snack, but I couldn't find anything. I should grab you more snacks tomorrow while I’m out.”

You walked over to him, wrapped your arms around him from behind, and laid your head against his back. His smell was intoxicating; it filled your senses full of comfort and warmth with every inhale. He made you feel so at home just by being next to him.

“What if I told you… I had a secret snack hidden away somewhere?” You teased.

Ruggie turned to look at you, your arms still wrapped around his waist. “Oh yeah, well what exactly is it? Maybe it’s something I want to eat.” he said, lifting his brows.

You let go, walked towards the back cabinets, and opened the last door. You never told anyone where you kept your secret stash at. What if visitors came and took your food? It had happened before and you refused to let it happen again.

You pulled out a small bag, hidden behind the boxes of hamburger helper and pasta noodles. You shaked it lightly at Ruggie. His eyes immediately lit up at what he saw- Hostess mini powdered donuts.

“Okay, I want those NOW,” he said, laughing and pointing at the bag. “Your cousin eats your applesauce one time and now I am forever doomed to try and find your hidden snacks.”

“Look, the applesauce had MY name on it. And- this is MY house; I make the rules here. No donuts for anyone unless I say so,” you said.

You made your way into the living room with the bag of donuts, setting ground rules that you will both share the bag and one of you was not going to eat them all. You both sat on the couch and enjoyed your late night snack. You grabbed your favorite blanket, actually a queen size comforter, and wrapped it around you. You still didn’t know what time it was; you just knew it was late given how dark it was outside.

3:07am.

It was that weird time at night where you could call it “late at night” or “early in the morning” and both would be appropriate. “Ruggie, it is so late, we may as well just stay up until morning. I don’t have to work tomorrow, so I can sleep all day anyway,” you suggested.

“You’re probably right,” he said. “Have you ever gone outside when it’s this dark out?”

“Are you insane? Why would anyone go outside this late? It is probably freezing cold outside. I don’t even like going outside during the day; I am definitely not going out at night either,” you said, snuggling into your blanket harder.

Ruggie laughed at your response. It was true, it was getting colder outside since December had just started. Every night grew closer and closer to freezing temps.

“Yeah, yeah, that might be, but have you seen the sky at night? Outside the city, you can really see the stars when it’s like this. Let’s go on the roof- I’ll show you. I might even learn you a constellation or two”

The stars? You had never thought about going out late at night to look at the stars. As a kid, you maybe only did this once or twice, but it never really “wowed” you. Part of you wanted to decline the offer to roll back into your warm bed with Ruggie, but the look on his face was so precious you couldn’t help but accept the offer.

With the nod of your head, Ruggie got up off the couch and started to put on his house slippers. He was a regular visitor at your house, after all, so it only made sense for Ruggie to have extra pairs of slippers and clothes readily available. At this point, he may as well be living with you for how much he stays there.

Ruggie threw on his old NRC hoodie and looked to see if you were ready. You stood there wrapped in your big, comfy blanket, only your head and fuzzy bear slippers able to be seen. Ruggie looked you up and down with a very confused expression on his face.

“Really… that is what you’re wearing? A giant blanket? Take your hoodie or something, please,” he laughed. “You are not getting mine tonight, even if you say you’re cold. I’m going to say ‘I told you so.’ “

He picked up your hoodie that was draped over the back of the computer chair in the living room. You stood in place, never coming out of your blanket, as the hoodie flew through the air and hit you in the abdomen before dropping to the floor on your slippers. Ruggie huffed at the sight and put his hands on his hips.

“WHAT? I don’t want my hoodie. I just want my blanket. It’s so big, I’ll even share it with you,” you said, giving him an innocent smile.

“Oh, I know why you’re doing this,” he said with a wink. “We can share the blanket, to keep us warm. Sure…”

You shook your head at his response as he made his way over to you. He still had his bangs pulled back from earlier. His eyes were right in front of you, looking deep inside your soul it felt like. His gaze always felt like he was searching for something normally. But in moments like this with you, it always softened; his blue gray eyes melted in your presence. You continued trailing your eyes across his face, looking at how his nostrils flared a little with every breath, trying to count his freckles as you stood staring in silence. You noticed his smile widened, making his fangs visible to you ever so slightly.

You were so entranced by his features that you would have never noticed his hands had found their way inside your blanket, searching as they went. You were brought back to reality as you felt the icey sting of his cold hands grab your hands.

“AH!?! Why are you so cold, good grief…” you said, trying to get your hands away and make sense of what he was trying to do.

“Come on, silly. I’m trying to get you to come on the roof with me, and you are standing here staring at me not hearing a word I said. Am I really that pretty to look at? No. But you know what is? The stars at night, and if we’re lucky, the sunrise tomorrow morning,” he said, lightly dragging you towards the back door.

~~

Your back porch had a covering over it. Using the side rails from the covering made it easy to get on top of the roof of the house. Ruggie climbed up first so that he could help you make your own climb. Of course, you had to remove your nice blanket before getting up there, but Ruggie willingly gave it back to you once you were both on the roof.

You were in awe as you finally got settled on the roof. You and Ruggie were sharing the blanket with it wrapped around you both, sitting close to each other to feel the warmth of each other’s body heat.

The night was quiet. Your house was not necessarily in the countryside, but it was on the outskirts of the big city- away from all the bustling and sounds of city life. You enjoyed the peace you got from living out there. There wasn’t a lot of traffic; you could easily get to your job using back roads; the mornings and evenings were quiet.

Ruggie was already staring above, looking at the night sky and the beautiful images the stars painted.

“When I was younger, I used to come on my roof a lot and watch the stars at night. Granted, most of the time I thought an airplane was a star, but I was enjoying myself,” he said.

“Really? That’s actually pretty neat. How’d you sneak out though? My mom would’ve heard me if I ever tried to leave my room at night,” you said. “My room was right across from hers, and since it was a trailer, those walls were THIN. She could hear me drop a pen in my room I’m sure,” you laughed.

“I grew up with just my Gram, remember? But her room was on the other side of our house. Honestly, I think she probably knew I came up on the roof a lot. But she trusted me to not get into too much trouble, so I think she didn’t bother me about it,” he said. “Sometimes, I would stare at the stars and just think about a lot of things. The stars really put stuff into perspective for me.”

You could sense that the conversation felt like it was getting heavier as you two spoke and decided to lighten it some. “So what stars are out tonight? Any cool constellations I can see, or do I have to have a fancy telescope to see them?”

Ruggie cuddled closer to you, trying to show you the stars from your point of view so you can see which is which easier. He was pointing out stars, telling you their names, what constellations they make up, what planets are near them, and even how big some of the stars are. The look on his face as he spoke was breathtaking.

“Ya know, I would have never expected you to know any of this. I feel like stars are such a random thing for you to know a lot about,” you teased as you nudged him.

“Aha, yeah. I guess it is a pretty random thing to know, but I know lots of things. Don’t let this pretty face fool you, I am very “big brained” as they say,” Ruggie said, nudging you back. He continued on telling you about the stars. “See that one there,” he pointed. “That one is called Sirius, and if you look here, here – here, here, and right there. Those stars with Sirius all make up the Winter Hexagon, can you see it?”

You were following his pointing as best as you could, but for the life of you, you could not make out the hexagon he was trying to show you. You just nodded and said, “I can kinda see it, but not all the way… I will take your word for it.”

You both continued to look at the sky and talk about the stars, but you wanted to know more. Not about the stars, but about Ruggie.

“So what types of things did you think about when you looked at the stars? Like what career you wanted to go into, or like what?”

“Well.. not really. It was more about how different my life would have been with certain people in it,” he said. “But I guess every now and then, I did think about my future and if what I was doing was the right thing.”

“Certain people like who? Like your dad?” you asked.

“Him. My mom. What if I had other siblings? What if I wasn’t raised poor and my family was loaded? All of those types of things. Like, what was my dad doing all these years while I was alone with Gram?” he said.

“I feel that.. My dad left when I was a kid, too. I grew up wondering the same thing,” you said, moving your gaze from the beautiful stars to the cold roof’s shingles. “I mean, my dad left before I was even born. He didn’t even care to see what kind of person I was going to be before leaving. He just.. left, and didn’t care about me or my mom. I can understand how it would make you feel, like why was I not good enough to even be given a chance?”

You could feel Ruggie’s gaze on you. You looked over to see his expression almost seemed saddened by your words.

“You’re more than enough. My dad left before I was born, too,” he said, turning his gaze back to the stars. “I wish my mom could have seen me grow up. I think she would have liked the kind of person Gram raised me to be. I might not be the most proper or the most educated person, but I think I do pretty well for someone growing up in my circumstances. I’m not in jail like some of these people at least.”

You snuggled in closer to him, listening to his words in the quiet night. You had never talked to Ruggie about his mom or her passing because you knew it was a sensitive subject for him and not one he really delved into a lot. Everything you knew about her was from stories Ruggie’s grandmother told you while he wasn’t around. You knew she had gotten pregnant young and wasn’t really prepared to have Ruggie, which led to many arguments between her and Ruggie’s dad- ultimately leading to his leave since he wasn’t ready to become a parent yet.

Ruggie’s grandma had told you how happy Ruggie’s mom was when she finally had the nursery room ready. His grandma told you how she went through books upon books to find a perfect name for Ruggie. Unfortunately, before Ruggie was born, his mom went through a really hard time financially. She ended up selling a lot of her own personal items in order to provide for her unborn baby. She decided a week before Ruggie was born what his name would be. Ruggie, something similar to “rugged” but still had a fun sound to it. She knew he wasn’t going to grow up like a normal kid, even if she beat the statistics and survived childbirth, he still would have been raised in a low income family- possibly missing out on so many opportunities she wanted him to have, but never had the money to afford.

“I think she would really, really, really love how you turned out, Ruggie. She would be so proud of you; I am so proud of you. You work so hard every day, you truly are amazing and I’m not sure how I got so lucky with you,” you said.

“Do you think so? My grandma has worked pretty hard to make me an upstanding citizen, sometimes I feel bad for the petty crimes I did as a kid,” he said.

“It’s fine, Ruggie, you only did it because you had to. It’s all in the past anyway. Your mom would be very proud, I swear. Look at how hard you worked to get onto the National Spelldrive Team? You should be so proud of your accomplishments, I am proud of you everyday. You should ask my coworkers how annoying I am talking about you all the time,” you said, grabbing his hand to hold.

Ruggie gave you a large hug at your words, basically tackling you to the roof. He was practically laying on top of you, smiling down at you. “Thank you for that, it means a lot to me,” he said.

You smiled back at him reassuringly, but then immediately changed expressions, “Of course, but okay now get off me, you are ruining the covers and I want to be bundled back up.”

Ruggie rolled to your side and let you adjust the blankets to your liking. You were always so particular about the blankets; he would sit and watch you fix the blankets at the foot of the bed every night or else he would have to hear you complain for an hour about how the covers “don’t feel right on your feet.”

Laying beside you on his back, Ruggie went back to staring at the sky. “You know, in the Sunset Savana, they say the stars are our ancestors looking down on us.”

You glanced at Ruggie, his eyes never leaving the sky.

“I am really not ready for my Gram to join my mom in the stars,” he said.

You rolled over onto your stomach, holding yourself up on your arms. “Ruggie, why are you thinking about this? Your grandma is nowhere near her time, she still has a lot of life to live,” you said.

“I don’t know why I’m thinking like this. This is how it was growing up, too. I just had so many thoughts I would think about and one thing would always lead to another. I think I’m just worried about what I’ll do when I don’t have her anymore. I won’t have my dad, my mom, or my grandmother. And I don’t think I’m really ready for that..” he said quietly.

You sat back up at this point, grabbing Ruggie’s attention. “You’ll still have me though, I will always be here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Ruggie sat up with you and adjusted the blanket to wrap around you both again. “You’re right, I’m not letting you go anywhere. You’re stuck with me, aha,” he laughed. He looked back to the sky, at this point the sun was almost at the horizon. The dark blue hues in the night sky were slowly fading into the warm yellow rays from the sun.

“I guess we stayed up here til sunrise. It’s been awhile since I’ve watched one, and the first I've watched with anyone besides my Gram,” he said smiling at you.

You looked on towards the sky, watching the slow changes of color. “Well, I’m glad I get to watch it with you. My first rooftop sunrise,” you said as you laid your head against his shoulder.

The sun continued to rise as you were fighting the urge to close your eyes. It was a beautiful sky, full of vibrant reds and yellows. Something about you having your head laying on Ruggie’s shoulder, watching the sunrise, and listening to the birds chirp early in the morning made you feel at home.

Ruggie couldn’t help but smile as he watched the sunrise with you, lost in his own thoughts about life after a long night of conversations between you two.

“Ya know, the sunrise is my second favorite thing to wake up to every morning,” he said, as he glanced down at you. You were already asleep, succumbing to the weight of your eyes. Ruggie gently removed you from his shoulder and placed your head into his lap, running his fingers through your hair as he continued to watch the sunrise.

[phagethemage]

For the 70 horrible asks: 9, 11, 16, 17, 21, 51, 58, 62, and 69 (lol nice)

*comically loud incorrect buzzer* 69 is long overdue in my life damn it. Not the number, the action.

9) Do you bite your nails? No I don't. But I do trim them whenever the white part gets about ¼ inch long. Too long means it can get dirt under them easier for me.

11) Do you like someone? Perhaps ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

16) How exactly are you feeling at this moment? Honestly I'm feeling disappointed 😭😭😭 I'm making Cinnamon rolls and when I popped the can open they didn't wanna seperate so now they all look funky on the pan. I know it'll taste the same but I was hoping they'd look all pretty

17) Ever made out in the bathroom? Multiple times. Along with making out in the shower. Ayeeeee

21) What are your plans for this weekend? Relax. Take my time doing stuff and playing games. D&D on Sunday and I'll be making a hamburger helper meal of Cheesy Ranch Burger. Never tried it but it's simple and good and will make for some lunches in the week.

51) Favorite food? Chicken cordon Bleu, steamed broccoli with a melted Velveeta and milk drizzle, dirty rice, almost anything Mexican or Texmex. Also I huge fan of a dish my roommate makes that's just garlic, oil, seasonings and olive oil. Then you toss it in pasta and voila it's all done.

58) Favorite weather? Overcast rainy for the peace and background noise. Or partly cloudy hot days with a cool cool breeze.

62) What makes you happy? My dog Scarlette, making plans with friends, playing games with friends and making good new memories.

69) Do you believe in soul mates? I believe they could exist. But I also more believe that there is this giant web of strings connecting you to people you're meant to meet for one reason or another. Not always good but they help you become you somehow. And that's a pretty great thing in the long run. Because who else would make a spectacular you that's a gift unto others, than yourself?

Thanks so much for the asks you goofy rabbit! Hope you have as much fun reading it as I did answering it!!!