#also cas also has abandonment issues

[quietwingsinthesky]

your investement in the Castiel/Raphael au got me invested, tell me more

Okay, okay, okay so. To understand my thought process on this, you must understand that the thing that peeved me off the most about spn’s writing and what I think did the greatest disservice to Castiel’s character, is that there are no angel characters who really reoccur over a couple seasons. (Ideally, to me, some of them would have stuck around the whole time but eh, pipe dream.) Or, hell, not even reoccurring but fuck, why does Cas never mention anyone? Yes, he gets scenes where he’s sad about his siblings/his species being destroyed as a whole, but as an audience, him putting a face to that, or many, and mourning them specifically? That would have done a lot.

So, okay, I am perpetually upset at spn tossing out all its interesting angel stuff and by the end, them basically being kill on sight monsters with zero nuance and Cas being ‘the exception’ to that, the one who was ‘too broken to be an angel anyway’.

This is why Raphael should survive the Godstiel arc. Not even that they don’t die, I do think Cas should kill them. I just think they should be brought back with him, too. Leave it ambiguous who brought them back, because of course they won’t believe it was God, God is dead, but who else could it be? Cas with the remnants of his Godstiel powers?

But to have them cohabitating together without knowing what they’ve done to each other… Like, if you thought Dean was jarred by walking in to see Cas married to a random lady, imagine him getting to that house and seeing Raphael. Seeing Raphael & Cas exchanging inside jokes, talking about how they picked names for each other when they couldn’t remember their own, and just being generally affectionate. (Also, personally, for me? Raphael being like v explicitly genderless, that not being something that goes away when they think they’re human, and Dean just having to Deal With That with his whole gender issues thing.)

And then the fucking devastation of that being torn down when they remember who they are. That they’ve been at each other’s throats for years. That the whole reason so much awful shit happened is because neither of them would back down, neither of them could, and it was Heaven and their siblings that paid the cost no matter how much they both originally intended to protect them.

And for Raphael to still stay with Castiel when they see him absorb the Cage trauma off of Sam like… gosh… the double whammy of them maybe seeing too much of Lucifer in him for a moment, corrupted by the Mark and his time in Hell and someone Raphael could never have healed but why wouldn’t they take the brunt of the guilt for failing… and then also like. This is Castiel. He is the biggest thorn in their side Ever. But he needs help. And the only other person offering to stay with him when he needs it most is a demon. (Some of its got to be a bit of a pride thing. You think Raphael is going to leave their brother to be nursed by a demon?? Absolutely not.)

It’s the lingering affection of their amnesia. The looming anger of their past. The guilt that weighs on them both for how far their war went and how much damage they can’t undo.

And if they make it through this, things would obv change a whole lot. For one… Raphael purgatory jailbreak anyone? Alsjfhflshkf I’m joking but also like. God, the image of Raphael saving Cas from Purgatory (and maybe just Cas, too, because they still don’t even like Dean alsjfjksjfk sorry bud it’s alright you get to have gay vampire sex). Purgatory, the catalyst for how bad shit got. And Cas is trying to hide there and be punished but also, in a way, hide from having to face what he did, having to look heaven and other angels in the eyes. Raphael stomping in there, slaughtering a fuckton of Leviathan trying to get a bite of Cas, and dragging him out kicking and screaming like! ‘No! You don’t get to wallow! We made this mess! If I have to live with it, you have to live with it!’

Anyway, I also wrote a little ficlet for their hospital time as a proof of concept? I think it came out okay. If you’d like to see.

The bed at the hospital is only built for one person.

It’s such a small detail to focus on, but for the past few months, Raphael has slept with Castiel next to them, back to back like they were expecting an attack even while they were unconscious. Now, Castiel has a bed that only he fits in, and Raphael does not sleep.

It was a bad day. They pass their hand over Castiel’s forehead and feel the tremble that upsets his vessel, the sweat cooling on his brow. He doesn’t scream, but he hasn’t, not for some time. He stews in silence. He tells Raphael what he sees or hears, though sometimes all he gives them is a description of the room itself, like he’s not sure if even that’s real and he needs them to confirm it. He trusts them to help him construct his reality. 

Raphael is a doctor who is more used to losing patients than to saving them. A mechanic who never manages to iron out the last few problems before the car swerves off the road. An archangel who could not hold Heaven together.

They are not someone Castiel should put his faith in. They haven’t earned it, but they are here. That’s more than can be said for a lot of beings, including his beloved Winchesters. Raphael stayed. 

It’s what they know.

Castiel’s hand shoots up and grabs their wrist. They still, the tips of their fingers just barely behind his hairline. He squeezes their wrist, once, twice, and his eyes open. His breathing is disordered. He’s not looking at them.

He called them Lucifer twice, once afraid and once exhausted. Then, later, Anna, three times. Balthazar, five. Uriel, eight. He always figures out that they aren’t his ghosts in the end and apologizes.

“Raphael,” he calls them tonight, or not exactly because his vessel’s vocal cords strain into Enochian. He only dips from their holy tongue to speak to their demonic guard dog, since she doesn’t understand the language and reacts to the sound of it like the grinding of metal. With Raphael, he remains an angel. It’s almost like he’s making up for the months they spent thinking they were humans. Every conversation they had circling things they couldn’t remember and didn’t have the words for. 

In a kinder world, they would have had more time to remain in ignorant bliss, but this is the way of things. Knowledge destroys. It casts them out. It locks them up.

The walls aren’t really the thing keeping Castiel in here.

“You would have made a better God than me,” Castiel says. Raphael’s mouth twists, and they aren’t sure if it’s disgust or humility.

“Or made the same mistakes.” Castiel tilts his head to look at them. He does not look at the eyes of vessels anymore. He forgets that human courtesy. He peers at souls with open curiosity. The center of Raphael’s grace sits at the base of their throat. Without thinking, their other hand follows his gaze to touch the divot of their collarbone, blocked by the high-necked sweater they’re wearing. They still feel cold, even now that they know there is something holy burning within them. 

“No, you would have been a better God,” he repeats himself. “You would have controlled the leviathans, and you would have… You would have created an end that justified the means.” He squeezes their wrist again. “Paradise.” It's been a very long time since they let themselves think of that. Long before Heaven's civil war even started, with doubts borne by Michael's failure to secure Dean's consent. 

“As many angels would have ended up dead.” Raphael may be blunt about their own failings here and not face judgment. The two of them are a pair of collapsed lungs. What stones does Castiel have to throw that wouldn’t shatter his house first?

“But the rest…” Castiel’s gaze drifts and snaps back. “You would all be happy.” He’s not including himself in that category. Raphael notices and does not argue for their ability to show mercy. “You would have accomplished something.” That lingers under all of Castiel’s guilt, empowers it, because for all that he feels he failed, he’s upset by the fact that even his failure hasn’t gotten them anywhere. No one’s death won him anything, not even his own. He’s still alone, and none of their siblings ever came any closer to understanding freedom. 

Except one, and they don’t want the knowledge. It tastes like burnt coffee, and Raphael doesn’t pull that from any vessel’s memory. They have held a mug in their hands, let the liquid roll over their tastebuds, swallowed it down despite the grimace on their face. They remember Castiel smiling at them as he accepted that he shouldn’t touch the coffee machine anymore. Only, he still answered to a false name then, identity wholly unmade into someone who could love Raphael, who could be treated as an equal and a companion in turn.

“We’d be at peace,” Raphael says and tries not to let Castiel hear the bitterness in their voice.

”What did it look like?” Castiel asks, and then he changes it, so minutely that it shouldn’t matter, but it does. “For you, what did Paradise look like?”

There are a lot of answers that Raphael could give him. If he were not Castiel, if he were still the stranger who shared a life with them, they would tell him everything.

But he is Castiel. They’re not allowed to forget that again.

”I don’t know,” they lie. “All that mattered was getting there.” Castiel tenses under them suddenly, eyes flicking away. His grip crushes. “What?”

”Wounds,” he says, quickly, points at a bare wall. He looks back at them. Raphael stares long and hard at where he pointed so that he knows they take the truth they give him seriously. It’s only a wall.

”No,” they tell him, “don’t look at that. You aren’t seeing it right.” Castiel’s relieved. He relaxes again.

”What were we talking about?” he grasps for the topic.

”Paradise.”

”Yes.” Castiel breathes in, eyes shutting, and he smiles. When he opens his eyes again, it’s like he’s forgotten the momentary disruption completely. “Can I guess what it would be like? You can tell me how wrong I get it.” Raphael lets their fingers drift through his hair again, simple preening that calms them.

”There’s no harm in it.” Or plenty, but it’s the wrong place, wrong time, wrong angel, for any of Castiel’s words to have an effect. Castiel thinks. His voice buzzes at the back of his throat, a single note lost from its chord.

��A coral reef,” he settles on, “where everyone has their niche and their role to play, and they help something beautiful grow around them. And it’s alive. All of it is alive.” Castiel has not let go of their wrist this whole time. He was a clingy fledgling, too. Of course Raphael remembers. They remember watching over all of their little siblings, the role that should have been shared between them and Gabriel eventually falling onto only their shoulders.

(Because who could ask Michael to raise more little brothers. Who could ask him to lend Raphael a hand. Who could ask him to shoulder more than he would have to in the future. Who could ask him to be there in the present.)

Castiel is one of the few left who can still cling to them and the one they should yank their wrist from and abandon.

“Was I close?” Castiel asks. He trusts them.

Raphael passes their fingers through his hair again.

Death was peaceful. They don’t know who brought them back. Only that it wasn’t their Father. A different God, perhaps, one who knew how to feel regret, dragged them out of the only rest they’d ever known to drink bad coffee with him.

“Yes,” they lie, “that sounds beautiful. That would be Paradise.”

[420technoblazeit]

isnt it so fucking funny that cas knows that dean has horrible abandonment issues bc of the way he was raised and that he has a really hard time trusting people and accepting that they care about him. and then the SECOND he gets into any kind of trouble whatsoever he goes full no contact and doesnt talk to dean for sometimes months at a time

like i know why he does it, ik that he feels like he'd be a burden on dean otherwise but also cmon man. im tired of ppl saying dean's the only dysfunctional one in their relationship cas is literally just as bad

[angelsdean]

Also, since I'm divorce arc posting today, what if i said Dean wasn't wrong to say this:

CASTIEL The plan changed, Dean. Something went wrong. You know this. Something always goes wrong. DEAN Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?

LIKE !!!!! Sure it was harsh and if emotions weren't heightened already and Dean wasn't still dealing with the very recent death of his mother and that grief (anger being a stage of grief!) and ALL the Chuck shit on top of that AND his own complicated feelings re: Jack's death (bc Dean was Not going to kill him, despite Chuck trying to manipulate him into doing that) he probably wouldn't have said that to Cas but like?? he's not really wrong.

You can easily trace a lot of the major season conflicts as a long line of dominoes starting with Cas's s6 betrayal. Leviathans. Purgatory. The tablets. Angels falling. Lucifer getting out of the cage via Cas possession. Etc etc. And most of the time Cas was doing things from a place of good intentions in his POV. Trying to fix things or spare others the burden of doing the hard thing. But still, these plans often backfire for Cas. Going it alone, not letting Dean (+ Sam) in on his plans, it usually does not end well !!!! They are TEAM Free Will for a reason. The show (and Dean) continuously emphasizes the importance of team and family and not going it alone. So, while what Dean says to Cas in this scene is definitely a harsh pill to swallow and not something I think Dean would say to Cas in normal circumstances, he technically isn't wrong. And that's what makes it such a heart-breaking scene.

And even more-so, he's saying this but he still, at his core doesn't want Cas to leave. ("Of course I wanted you to stay.") At the moment he needs space and time to process his grief re: Mary, and all the other stuff going on, but he still wants Cas there and ultimately wants to fix things. ("I'd rather have you." "We can fix this." "I was there where were you." etc etc)

But to fix things they need to address his huge persistent, recurring issue between them: not communicating effectively and Cas continuously leaving, going rogue, and/or deciding for them when to involve Dean.

Dean wants to work together, as a team. Dean wants to be involved. Dean wants Cas to not just up and disappear and "deal with things" on his own like he always does. Cas, in his own POV, sees his actions as perhaps a form of care. He's protecting! He's taking on the hardships! Also, his hubris, wanting to be the strong protector type. Wanting to be a warrior. Powerful. Securing "wins." And these desires stem from his years as a soldier of Heaven, of equating worth with Results. Not something Dean has put on him or required of him.

But Dean doesn't see Cas's actions the way Cas perceives them. We as the omniscient audience know more about Cas's motivations than Dean does too. Dean often just sees Cas leaving, prioritizing the mission and shutting Dean out. However, I do think it's important to note that Dean is also usually willing to give Cas the benefit of the doubt, defend him, and forgives easily / implicitly.

They both care deeply about each other and don't maliciously mean to press on each other's specific insecurities and traumas but like, Dean is abandonment issues boy. And Cas keeps leaving. Or ignoring his calls when their daily lives are a constant life or death battle because they are literally living in a horror show! Dean is not unreasonable to be worried when he doesn't hear from Cas for days, weeks, months on end. He's not being "clingy" or "demanding." Expecting some base form of communication from the people you care about is normal in any relationship. Cas refusing to communicate in these moments IS a problem between them.

So, when Dean says, "Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?" re: Cas being the "problem" it's harsh yes! But it's pushing them toward addressing this recurring issue (Cas going rogue often = plans backfiring) and the root of that issue which is Cas continuing to leave to do things on his own, change the game-plan without running it by anyone, and keeping others out. This moment is a breaking point. Because Dean, under normal circumstances, is generally one to defend, forgive, and move past Cas's mistakes. Cas himself says it in this very scene: "You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt."

But at this point something needs to give, they need an explosive moment to just bring all these issues to light. It's a rupture.

Yes, Dean might "still blame [Cas] for Mary" but Cas also knows deeply, as he expresses to Jack, that Dean needs time and space to process his emotions. That he feels things more acutely and intensely but that ultimately he usually comes to a place of acceptance / forgiveness / is able to move on.

That's what Dean wants and needs in this moment. He needs space to deal with his feelings and his grief (clearly in the anger stage of it). And he also wants to finally address these issues! But Cas is also struggling himself and in his own mind he's feeding old insecurities. He let Belphegor get under his skin. He thinks he's not needed or wanted anymore. So, he does what he tends to do. Leave.

CASTIEL Well, I don't think there's anything left to say. [Castiel makes to leave.] DEAN Where you going?

Cas decides to leave and Dean immediately asks where are you going? Because even now, feeling how he does, he doesn't want Cas to leave.

What Dean wants is to have a confrontation. He wants to get to the root of their issues. He asks Cas why didn't he just stick to the plan. And emphasizes the concept of WE, of being a team. "We would've figured it out....after. With Rowena." He wants them to stick together, work together. But he's struggling. He's grieving. And still, he wants Cas to stay, of course I wanted you to stay.

And I say it all here in this post but the whole "I left but you didn't stop me" is just, Cas really? From Dean's POV he sees Cas's leaving as a choice Cas makes. He respects his choice and doesn't ask him to stay because he also does not feel he deserves to ask people to stay for him. He is always putting his own wants and desires second to those of others. He thinks, if Cas wants to leave, who is he to stop him?

Anyways, I think too much of divorce arc puts blame on Dean or makes Dean out to be "the bad guy" and "the reason" Cas leaves and the one who needs to "grovel" and apologize / be forgiven. But Cas is not blameless. Cas leaves because Cas leaves. Cas leaves because he chooses to and because he does not want to confront the realities of the situation or his own role in their issues. And after Cas leaves he continues to bury his head in the sand and be avoidant (thee core issue!) while also going out and working a solo case in an effort to secure a "win" and prove to himself that he's still capable of getting things right and not always failing.

And all of this, the complexity, the layers, Cas's stubbornness and flaws, is deeply delicious to me. Cas is not a blameless innocent little baby who got his feelings hurt by "big meanie Dean" in this situation. He is someone who heard a hard truth from someone he cares about and made the choice to leave instead of confronting the issue. And throughout it all, they both still deeply care about each other. It's evident in everything they do. And they want to work it out, but are both at different places and struggling with their own feelings too.

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2024 | Day 10: Wing Fic

After the Storm (The Meaning of Flying) | @cassiecasyl Rating: General Word Count: 1,132 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Universe, Canon Related, Angel Wings, Flying, Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Fluff, Feelings, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, can be seen platonic, actually this is platonic, but definitely leading up to something, Dean Winchester Has Abandonment Issues, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Home Summary: The storm has ended and finally allows Castiel to fly again. The only shadow over his happiness is Dean fearing he might not come back.

After the Flight (The Meaning of Home) | @cassiecasyl Rating: General Word Count: 1,438 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Universe, Canon Related, Feels, Storm, Angel Wings, Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Has Abandonment Issues, Home, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Poetic, Massage, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Dean Winchester is Castiel's Home, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Promises, Castiel Won't Leave Summary: Castiel's shoulders are tense after his first flight and Dean helps him out with a massage. Confessions and promises are made.

Hold Me in Your Wings | @tami-ryver Rating: General Word Count: 1,670 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cursed Dean Winchester, Winged Dean Winchester, Angel Wings, Wings, Sentient wings, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Human Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Alternate Angel Lore (Supernatural), HugsFluff Summary: Dean can see Sam stretch his hand forward as if he wants to touch. As he is about to allow it, his wings stiffen and pull away from Sam' hand. Dean looks at them, then at Sam. ,,I didn't do that."

Flower in Bloom | @tami-ryver Rating: General Word Count: 1,679 Main Tags/Warnings: Wingfic, Winged Castiel (Supernatural), Seraph Castiel (Supernatural), Angel Wings, Wing Grooming, Molting Castiel (Supernatural), Wing Hugs, Pining Castiel (Supernatural), Pining Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester Mutual Pining, Mutual Pining, Dean Winchester Takes Care of Castiel, Dean Winchester Can See Castiel's Wings, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Fluff, SO MUCH FLUFF, Light Angst, First Kiss, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss Summary: Dean gasps, as now he can see them more closely. They are not only black, but they seem to shift colors from deep blue to black and dark purple. They open even more, and Dean stills when one of them comes closer to him, almost touching him. Dean inhales sharply when the soft feeling of feathers registers in his mind. They are so soft, but also so strong.

Like Flying | @Cmccle01 Rating: General Word Count: 2,355 Main Tags/Warnings: Dean, Sam, Castiel, Amara, Gabriel, Balthazar, Jack. (No warnings. It is a pretty clean story) Summary: Dean and Cas get what they deserve. and Jack smiles

Be Not Afraid | @envydean Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3,075 Main Tags/Warnings: angel!cas, human!dean,Alternate Universe, angels as different species, Xenophilia, bottom!Dean, Top!Cas, Wings, Outdoor Sex, Anal Sex, Fluff and Smut, previous childhood meeting, Artist!Dean, dean is obsessive about angels Summary: Dean saw his first angel when he was ten years old. Ever since then, he's been on a self-serving mission to see one again. Sixteen years later, by luck — and lust — he finds the same angel again during mating season.

dressing down | @hornystiel Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3,971 Main Tags/Warnings: Sharing Clothes, Possessive Behavior, Wing Kink, Wing Oil, Dick Jokes, D/s elements, Scents & Smells Summary: “Pick something and it’s yours.” Cas hesitantly touches each item, reverently rubbing the material between his long fingers. He trails the patterns, the band names, the sparkles. Dean follows his hands like they’ll show him all the secrets of the world.

The Hounds Of Love Are Hunting | @melancholictearz Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4,275 Main Tags/Warnings: AU - Ancient Greece, Fallen Deity!Castiel, Artemis Worshipper Priest!Dean, Prophecy, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Injured Cas, Dean Takes Care of Cas Summary: IS A STRANGER WORTH THE WRATH OF OLYMPUS? It is said that an experienced hunter shall meet the path of a fallen god. The mortal’s faith in the Goddess he worships must decide whether he kills his prey or shows mercy, and the Fates shall write the future accordingly; the divine entity will either die to the wounds of his fall or will perish as mortal. Dean worshipped the Goddess of Hunt, Artemis, for as long as he could remember. But when the prey that the Fates have chosen for him crashes into the field of the Artemis temple under his care, he doesn’t draw the feathery arrows from his quiver.

Falling Never Felt So Good | @verobatto Rating: Explicit Word Count: 15,066 Main Tags/Warnings: Season 5, canon divergence, wing kink, winged Castiel, touch starving, shower sex Summary: Castiel is alive! After saving Dean and Sam from Zachary, Castiel reveals he's now a fallen angel and he should serve Dean as his loyal servant. But thinking about having an angel watching over you because he fell for you isn't worse than the consequences… Lucifer is out there trying to break mundane seals to get stronger, and the only way to stop him is through fallen angel and human bonds. If only strengthening Dean's bond with Castiel didn't include touching and kissing, things would be easier...

Say Yes | @verobatto Rating: Explicit Word Count: 21,843 Main Tags/Warnings: Winged!Castiel, BAMF!Castiel, mutual pining, fluff, miscommunication, angst, wing kink, angelic grace kink, touch starving Summary: After evading the apocalypse, Heaven faces a new crisis. Without archangels and with an absent God, the angels will appeal to their last hope: to achieve a perfect bond between two of their own and thus generate the necessary energy to save Heaven. But when the first attempts fail, and everyone begins to lose hope, it's then that Castiel admits that he may have "accidentally" started a bonding ritual with Dean Winchester by bringing him out of Hell, and now the restoration of Heaven depends on a brave hunter agreeing to complete the bond with Castiel, a ritual full of enigmas and sensuality that will confront the angel and the human with their most hidden feelings.

[spnfanficpond]

June 2024 Angel Fish Awards

(Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words. (Click here to learn more about how to nominate a fic for an award!)

Nominated by @autisticandroids

The Horror of No Detrimental Redaction by sp8ce (AO3)

Really top tier whump that is also a super attentive cas character study which is also willing to sit with him in a really uncomfortable space

The Trapdoor by hal_incandenza (AO3)

it's an epic rewrite of dabb era with a level of attention to detail that i've rarely seen in any fiction. the metatextual elements are carefully woven in and the character beats feel real. plus, it's an almost episode by episode rewrite and the new monster of the week casefic elements are fresh and fun. also it answers the question what if apocalypse world was good.

finer things by @explainslowly

i think it's maybe the ultimate pinnacle of the deancas triangulation of desire genre. when dean and cas have weird sex via a woman... one of my favorite things. and this is my favorite iteration.

By Your Hand by @restlesshush

this is my favorite relitigation of moriah that i've ever encountered. cas is so crazy in it. you can kind of feel that things will eventually work out without that coming off as cheap. it's perfect

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Nominated by @candygrammes

LIMBO by entselene (AO3)

It's the creepiest. angstiest, scariest story I've read this year. Sam wakes up in Sioux Falls Hospital horribly injured, with no idea what happened. Not only that, but Dean is nowhere to be seen. Why? Has Dean abandoned him?

Nominated by @charliethealpaccaso

Strange Encounters by deanandsam (Ao3)

I loved the idea that there are dog versions of dean and sam along side the main sam and dean that I found it cute but also opened up a whole side story I wish there was more of.

Dogs Don't Pay Taxes by Zetal (Rodinia) (AO3)

There oddly is a huge lack of dog!sam fics on A03 that I love to try and spread the word of the ones that are out there. This one was cute both prompt wise and just made my day when I came across it

Faithful Companion by brokenlittleboy (AO3)

What if during season two Sam developed a whole new issue with his psychic powers and turned himself into a dog then this is the fic for you. Dean does mess around with him in this fic but I think it was a fun and interesting read for the concept

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Nominated by @glygriffe

Why’s every song is about love (or drinking too much) by @quietwings-fics

They didn't give us enough Sam and Castiel scenes in the show. Here's a bitter-sweet one between the two of them, talking about Dean and the whole 'unrequited love' thing. A ficlet the gives a Destiel fan just the right amount of heavy heart.

It’s the Stars that Lie by @seperis

Ok, this fic doesn't need recommandations, but it's still needs public praises. To fully appreciate it, you need to read the fever dream that is Map of the World first, but I love how the author builds on the glimpses that the episode The End gave of the apocalypse!world. The OCs are interesting (and many of them are POC), and the lovely slow burn between Dean and Castiel is spiced up with the fake boyfriends trope.

Since I've Been Loving You - Remaster by tgel210 (AO3)

I like Castiel's first-person POV, Dean being a musician without being a rock star: it feels close to home like my next-door neighbor is talking to me about the love of his life.

Closer than they appear by sunkenfox (AO3)

Dean and Castiel figuring out what their life could be together by looking at Misha and Jensen is interesting. Even more interesting is the concept that like it or not, the Supernatural characters would not exist in their world without the writers and the actors in an other world. That Dean and Jenses share more than a face; same for Misha and Castiel (even if the difference are more obvious between the last two). A story of discorvery on a meta level, hiding inside a cute Destiel and RPF romance.

he feels no control of his body by withthekeyisking (AO3)

A wonderful but sad exploration of Sam Winchester throughout his life; from his lack of bodily autonomy to his dying faith in god(s) and humanity. With just enough brotherly love to leave the reader aching from loss and something like betrayal. (I love Dean, but he his a royal dick to his brother sometimes)

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Nominated by @handsliketruth

evergreen endless by @whiskeyjuniper

A glimpse of endverse!Dean and Castiel during the earliest days of The End, via Chuck (prophet? god? something in-between?) as he continues to chart their story...and struggles to keep them from their inevitable collision despite their wildly infuriating pattern of falling into it... (full disclosure, this one was a gift for me, but I would rec this anyway 💛 dark, spicy, funny, clever meta fun)

But I Ain't Dead Yet by @bloodydeanwinchester

I cannot wait to see how this one plays out! Clever and charming with a fun hook: what if s4 Dean and Cas time-traveled back to 1x12 Faith to save Layla? (I would read a million words of Dean watching faith!Dean and Castiel get along 😂)

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Nominated by @heavenssexiestangel

Bad Day Love by @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes

it's a cute pick-me-up story with one of my favorite ships. I really like how Arthur is so soft with Dean here.

Bedtime Routine by @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes

It's another rareship of mine andI love how they care for each other here and take care of Emma.

The Fool's Journey by @ladyknightskye

I know I was the artist for this story but - what Meg wrote for my art is awesome and it features one of my favorite characters - Gadreel. The journey he has in this fic is extremely important

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Nominated by @jinkieswouldyoulookatthis

Presence by @ani-coolgirl

This story broke my heart in the absolute most beautiful way. It's sad and sweet and doomed and it haunts me still.

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Nominated by @mariekoukie6661

Stitches by @kittenofdoomage

Its cute! I like it!

Sweet Little Lies by @impala-dreamer

I like how funny it was despite all the angst!!

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Nominated by @masoena

Nothing Ever Really Ends by @nyxocity

Beautiful heaven fic with Sam and Dean, bring tissues, post S15E20

In Silence Sealed by @fiercelynormal

Dean loses his hearing but starts talking his thoughts out loud beautifully written Smitty short

Love, Your Brother by @eninkahootz

Sam and Dean communicating by letters btw heaven and earth post-series. Work in progress and so well written

~*~*~

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

Cretaceous by tiamatv (AO3)

This is a cute, fluffy romp through Jurassic Park as a Destiel fic! You don't have to love dinos to love this fic, but I imagine it would make it even better. If you're looking for something sweet and light to read before bed, this is the bedtime story for you!

~*~*~

Nominated by @rainythursdaynight

Clean Air by @anactorya

I read this story when I was maybe 16 and re-read it twice or three times in the year after. That being said, I can remember it almost excruciatingly well. I'm a post-apocalypse gal and I crave anything in that genre, so it was doubtless that I'd love this story. But the world-building done in this story? The characterization? The tension it manages to build? It's so gripping and exciting and I remember reading it worried out of my mind for the characters and exhaling the deepest breath as the story drew to a close. It's a not too dense read and an enveloping one, you'll forget you're above ground by the end of it!

Empty Spaces by @schmerzerling

This story made me fall in love with writing again. It's so heavy with how it distributes emotion in its words, but also so soothing too. This reads like watching a glass vase get tipped over the edge of a table and, maybe distantly, wondering if someone will catch it in time. But it doesn't quite matter because the flowers are beautiful and if you're crying then it's about the flowers and not the vase. I highly recommend this story to everyone, heavy as its contents may be. I felt safe reading this, I ached, I adore this story beyond words can capture.

Phantasma! by @thisisapaige

I very rarely read things that are horror inclined (funny as that is given the nature of Spn), and maybe this story is not considered horror either, but it left me just on that edge of eerie and it was exhilarating. Most of the story is sweet, and cathartic, as Dean rebuilds his life outside of his family and finds that in Castiel. But the mystery of it all, the unknown, it left me waiting for the other shoe to drop and this writer was excellent at making that payoff worth it.

The Art of Falling by @zipegs

This story was gritty and ugly and didn't pull back punches when it came to its emotional weight. Recovery is a nightmarish process of relapse and pain and relief and this story embodied this with its characters beautifully. This story was lonely, in the sense that its only two characters yes but it also felt a lot like reading about two characters pitted against the backdrop of everything. The world, the universe, existence. It made me feel small but so vast at the same time, and it was so utterly human (funny given the context of the story). It's a short and beautiful read that left me aching but in a way that was comforting as opposed to alienating.

With The End Came You by @lotrspnfangirl

I adore zombie apoclaypse AUs but so few of them focus on the characters' growth alongside the events of the series. And so few of them do side characters justice. This story was THE exception. Not only does the progression of the characters not sideline the plot and vice versa, but the story handles people so so well. You have those that stick around for long, and those that don't, and it treats both parties so faithfully that I'm left emotional over side characters I've only had a page worth of content with as much as the main characters I'm with the entire time. This is a zombie apocalypse AU that puts people first and foremost, and its so human and such a rewarding story to those that have even the smallest interest in these types of AUs. And the progression of the plot is so smooth and natural, TWD could never (and I love that show so take with that as you will).

~*~*~

Nominated by @samanddean76

Dark As Midnight (And You Don’t Look The Same) by @kassyscarlett

This is a story that follows a young Dean (17 years-old) out looking for a good time and running into an older man that gives what he wants. Not realizing he knows him, that he is in fact his Sammy. This story is so good! Time-travel, the follies of youth, needing to be protected from yourself, and realizing years later what that random encounter really was. It is part of a series, but works as a stand alone. But the entire series is worth checking out.

Coming Out Of The Dark by firesign10 (AO3)

It's a story about others helping one they know is broken, giving him what he needs so he can move on and live the rest of his life. The Richesters visit Sam in the bunker after Dean's death, and give him one final night together, so that he might carry on. It tragic and beautiful and has all the feels. Highly recommend.

~*~*~

Nominated by @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes

Interspecies Romance and Its Associated Perils by suspiciousflashlight (AO3)

I have read this story many, many times. It’s adorable and hilarious. It’s cute and awkward in a way that someone who isn’t sure how to tell about a weird scar or birthmark is. The ending is the best part of the entire thing.

A Helping Hand and Thrilling Touches by mydestielbabies_67 (AO3)

I don’t normally nominate smut but this was just amazing. It was beautiful, and what and intense.

The Cherry Pie Club by zation (AO3)

This is a work in progress. It’s great! Zariah is such a great writer in so many genres. This one is about Dean exploring bdsm for the first time and ends up also realizing things about himself too. Poor Dean learns the hard way that it is Cas he loves about bdsm but still. Their connection and energy with each other is felt as you read. Highly recommend reading!

Absolute Beginners by @ahurston

Chapter 5 made me scream then go feral and foam at the mouth.

Dancing moves by faithlesshunter (AO3)

I am not normally one to read infidelity fics; however, this is destiel. It’s the holidays and Cas and Dean get left alone to reconnect. They tried to be a couple at the beginning once Cas came back from the Empty but they weren’t ready for it. Now, years later and they are! The confessions and the hot smut is just so exacting for them. It’s gorgeous! Dean has always loved Cas and Cas still loves Dean. Oh, I’d love to see how it works out but this reconnection is just purely intense and the dopamine is addictive. Good luck. MUST READ!

The Case of Dean and Castiel's Extremely Resolvable Tension by CanonFodder (Tartan_Temptation) (AO3)

This is hilarious and hot AF! It starts out explaining the premise and drives right into it where Dean finally gives in. He is so happy he does too. He gets a wonderfully deserving reward. Poor Sam and his need for eye bleach. Lol!

Objects May Appear Smaller by @valandrawrites

The instant connection of Cas and Dean, and the science of this story makes this a one-of-a-kind a/b/o. Despite it being incomplete, it’s such a fluffy and fascinating read. It keeps you wanting more with every one of the six chapters. I hope one day they get inspired to write more.

Sentinel by Followsthebees (AO3)

I love this story. I love that it’s a different take on Castiel—he’s a gargoyle. It’s such a fascinating story and their connect is seen by the readers but not Dean. It’s interesting how Dean starts to notice and how intense and romantic it gets. Sex and flying are fascinating, man. This is written oh so well!

Three's Company by @luci-in-trenchcoats

Cas x f!Reader that becomes Cas x f!reader x Dean. It shows a very healthy ethical non-monogamy relationship. I love how the Reader initially freaks, I think, and when Cas and them come to talk to Dean, he freaks too. Everyone is patient with each other though. It’s as it should be when introducing polyamory to non-poly experience people. It’s so sweet and wonderful to read. It’s adorable. This is how poly fics should be.

Ketch and Release by NichePastiche (AO3)

Oh, the fluff and growth! I love this series so so so so much! I always get excited when I see they wrote more. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

~*~*~

Nominated by @spnbabe67

Finish What You Started by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

I love the tension that melts into silly goofiness.

Spin Cycle by @winchester-girl67

I usually don't do a lot of fluff but I loved the way the writer did this one.

~*~*~

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Take A Shot by @rizlowwritessortof

It's just so sexy and Dean. Guh.

Rest by @zepskies

It's swoony and cozy and melancholy, and I love that for us.

The Iceman Cometh by @talltalesandbedtimestories

Ice play is one of my favorite things. Pair that with Dean Winchester, written by Sandra, and, well, you've got a winner.

Damned If I Do by @zepskies

I liked Lisa and Ben, and this is a very satisfying way to show that!

~*~*~

Nominated by @whiskeyjuniper

Truth & Despair by @shallowseeker

It's so compelling, every time a new chapter is posted I'm so excited to see what happens next. Also it's Shal's first fic and they're almost done with it so I wanted to celebrate it :)

(Divider by @glygriffe)

THANK YOU ALL, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

- From your Admins and Manta Rays, @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @thoughtslikeaminefield, and @heavenssexiestangel!

[deanscutiepiesam]

Hello! I'm still relatively new to the fandom, so I'd gone my entire spn existence not seeing this until now, and I have to share because I'm actually going insane and I need smart people to rant to, so apologies if you've already seen this. D*stiel warning, read at your own risk:

Credit to this [post] on Twitter for the screenshots ☆

There aren't even words, like I'm literally losing my mind. Like these can't be real people. Anyways, let's dive in, guys...

You took Dean's dying speech to Sam, where he's directly vulnerable and honest about his love for his baby boy and diluted it to the fucking gas n sip scene?? Like this is insane I can't even begin to understand the thought process (probs because there isn't one), but omg?? That's so unserious and it's almost funny, but let's move on to the replies because it's way worse.

1. People torn up about the barn is so crazy to me. Buddy, it's not that deep. It's not foreshadowing. They literally just happened to happen in the same type of building. It's so crazy for a character to make their first appearance in a barn, and now every barn must be about him. Weak. Do better.

2. Now this one. This one actually drives me crazy. The scene made you uncomfortable because you think asking him to stay is a "Dean and Cas focal point??" Are you serious?? First of all, Dean has serious abandonment issues, so of course, he wants people to stay in his life, but secondly, Sam has been the main focus of that since the first season. Ever since he went to Stanford. Like did you watch with a fucking blindfold?? Half of the show is just Dean making a crazy decision to keep Sam by his side and the consequences of that. How are you this dumb??

And if I were a gambling man, I'd bet that this person started spn at s4. Like the pieces have fallen into place; it's the only explanation. They're so delusional because they missed the core foundation of the show in s1-3. Their world began when Cas walked on screen so they don't even get the show's thesis, and it's so annoying. It's about Sam and Dean. Get over it. "Love story of two brothers." - Jensen Ackles.

3. "Sam/Dean wasn't the relationship that was crying out for emotional payoff." Bestie I'm in your fucking walls. This has literally been building between Sam n Dean for 15 YEARS. Dean was dying and needed to get out how he felt since the beginning. It was a confession, alright, but you can't handle that it was to his brother, and I feel sorry for you. I get you don't care about the brothers' relationship because of your D*stiel compulsion, but get it together. It's embarrassing.

Also, Jensen literally said he went off script for emotional scenes (including the Sam/Dean barn confession) because it felt right [X]. J2 knows Sam and Dean better than me, you, or anyone else. Even the writers (to the point where they were given the script and told to make it theirs). It's so wild that you can ignore that.

4. "Head touch." I'm not even gonna waste time typing about this. Just look at [this] post. Says more than I ever could.

Anyways. Sorry about that, guys. I'm actually so chill and friendly, I swear :33 I just needed to rant to my homies with media literacy because it's literally dead and I was going insane :)

Thanks for reading, and always remember...

[howsdeanshole]

cas and dean vs. clothes shopping small fic

after they get cas out of the empty there’s a lot of mundane shit to do. he’s human again, and it’s permanent this time, or as permanent as things ever are for a winchester, but that’s a terrifying thought so it gets locked up in the for later box in deans head. but cas needs food and toiletries and clothes and he’s decided he hates the bedding in the bunker so he has to get new sheets too.

most of this is easy enough. last time cas was human he learned the basics—digestion, hygiene, money—and when he was sick on stolen grace he learned a bit more about preferences. they get him set up with 3-in-1 shampoo and a tooth brush and when dean makes the trip out to the city to do their monthly bulk shopping, he drags cas with him to get some sheets he won’t bitch about. on the way back, dean stops at a secondhand store run by a local church.

cas doesn’t seem to like shopping. he was pleasant on the ride to the city and effusive about the cheap hotdogs they ate for lunch, but about 20 minutes into hauling cases of water and table salt into their cart he got surly. he got even surlier when dean suggested he could go wait with baby. by the time they checked out, dean had written him off and decided to wait out his silence.

the thrift store smells like every thrift store he’s ever been in, dusty and a little bit like cats. the clothes selection isn’t huge, but it’ll do for getting cas started. thats deans hope, anyway, but when he told cas to grab whatever catches his eye and wanders off to a rack of casettes, he hoped cas would get a few days worth of shirts, maybe even find some serviceable jeans. instead, cas dumps an XL shirt with “FALLSTON COUNTY MIDDLE SCHOOL TURKEY TROT 2013” across the front in orange bubble text and a faded grey bucket hat into deans basket.

“that’s all?”

cas shrugs. apparently still not talking. dean knows from experience that forcing the issue right now will, at best, start a fistfight, and at worst, cause cas to fuck off for who knows how long. maybe if he was still an angel dean would go for it, press his luck, but with cas freshly back and freshly human and apparently here to stay, dean swallows the impulse. he buys the admittedly very soft turkey trot shirt and the hat.

after two weeks, it becomes apparent that cas is uninterested in obtaining possessions. he’s content to wear his wholesale underwear and deans shirts and a pair of shorts abandoned by one of the apocalypse world hunters. there are infinite good things about cas coming back, and there are infinite terrifying things about him being human now, and there are infinite things about his return that dean has been trying to stuff in the For Later box, and unfortunately that leaves him kind of pissed off about how he can never find the shirt he wants to wear when he wants to wear it, and also the way his own wardrobe is dwindling due to cas never fucking returning anything. not that he minds sharing! but that would require cas to bring anything back.

not that dean plans to confront him about it. which is maybe cas’s play here? damn. well. deans done great at not bringing up anything heavier than meal planning for over a month already. no need to ruin his streak now.

there’s still hunts. sam and eileen have been out on a few since cas got back. now that dean is better, sam hasn’t been hovering so much. but cas brings the job to dean in the dean cave, pulled up on his phone to show him. it ends up being easy to wrap up, just a matter of destroying a cursed 35mm camera properly and getting the formerly cursed women to the nearest hospital. they don’t even need to put on the fed suits for it, which is good, because dean forgot that cas’s old suit got ruined in his rescue. in deans defense, he wasn’t really thinking that hard about clothes that day, or about anything besides cas heaving himself upright on the other side of that rift, alive and back.

when dean brings up the need for a new fed suit, cas just hums like it’s inconsequential. and because dean is still practicing non confrontation, he decides to take matters into his own hands.

the suit is easy. he goes with the same cut jimmy novaks suit was, in black, and a few dress shirts. ties seem to be one of the few things cas likes to shop for, so dean only grabs one—boring, professional blue and white stripes. it comes in handy days after he hangs it up in cas’s closet, when they have to haul ass out to tennessee to deal with a werewolf pack and have to play fed to get access to the bodies.

after that, it’s a blue fleece-lined hoodie he picks up while he’s canvassing for witnesses hunting what turns out to be a shifter. cas wears it the whole time they’re in the motel looking over the facts of the case, and he wears it in the car on the way back, his strong squared fingers catching deans eye in the rear view mirror whenever he fidgets with the hoods drawstring. there’s a stack of weird novelty tee shirts he picks up in the city the next time he does the bulk restock, this time alone. cas wears them all in a rotation, mostly under his hoodie or one of deans flannels.

when cas asks him to grab a jacket for him, dean cracks on his non confrontational policy. “you should choose it yourself,” he says. cas just hums.

“i like wearing what you’ve chosen,” he says after a minute. “i trust your judgement.”

which, leave it to cas to turn this into—something.

dean buys him a jacket.

he buys him socks, and pajama pants, and new boots and some henleys and a few thrifted flannels, soft from wear. he buys a scarf. house shoes. and cas wears them all, and never returns deans clothes before dean asks for them.

[bluemoonscape]

*steeples my fingers evilly* so. alien stage transgener?

my question for you is, out of the main six alnst cast, what are your main headcanons for them whether that be neurodiversity, disability (love our canon disabled queen hyuna), sexuality/romantic orientation, etc? i want to know your thoughts but feel free not to answer this. after all i am unhinged 👁️👄👁️

drink water and eat a food if you haven't in at least two hours blue or I am going to get you

*nods solemnly* alien stage transgener

HEHEHEHE I LOVE HEADCANON QUESTIONS AND I'M GOING TO TURN AROUND AND IMMEDIATELY ASK YOU WHAT YOURS ARE AFTER I POST THIS

For one, I know Vivinos said that the whole cast can be interpreted as bisexual unless further specified, and I accept that for Till, Mizi, Hyuna, and Luka, but Ivan and Sua. I. I cannot comprehend them with anyone of the opposite sex. The thought of Ivan being attracted to a girl or Sua being attracted to a guy is hilarious to me, like no, that's King Yaoi and Queen Yuri your honor. They're mlm/wlw hostility in my head

TILL IS MY LITTLE BABY PRINCE AND HE'S THE ONE OF THE SIX I DECIDED TO PROJECT MY PROBLEMS ONTO <33 so he's neurodivergent asf in my head. You cannot tell me he doesn't have the tism. He and Ivan bicker because they have contrasting flavors of autism. I also love a Till with adhd because look at him of course he has adhd

Ivan's entire arc is literally just "this is how masking my autism ruined my life gone wrong gone sexual." He and Mizi bond over their special interests except their special interests are whole ass human beings. I could see Luka having OCD and antisocial personality disorder, both which could've developed due to the aliens casually exploiting his medical problems and traumatizing him. MIZI HAS ABANDONMENT ISSUES BECAUSE SHE FEELS ABANDONED BY HER ALIEN FAMILY AND ABANDONED BY HER GOD HELLO. I WISH I HAD SOME MORE PROFOUND HEADCANONS FOR HYUNA BUT I JUST IMAGINE THE MOST FUNNY UNSERIOUS STUFF. For a more serious one I love the idea of her and Till having a cute brother-sister like bond (mostly just hyuna pestering till) (cas and nyx coded) before she left Anakt Garden because 1) their personalities fit well, and 2) ADDS MORE LAYERS TO ROUND 7

Okay I'm done yapping now

[alaskashigh]

may I humbly ask thee for fluffy and angsty CaliYork hc’s? :)

*stares at you with my autistic eyes 👁️👁️*

*not forcing*

*gasp* me? you’re asking me? the caliyork god? /j

of course you can have angsty and fluffy Caliyork hc’s!! (all of them, if i had the time 😔😔). also a lot (majority) of these headcanons are inspired by/from my friend @ghost-jamie’s headcanons bc they are so great and amazing and caliyork is literally the number one thing we talk about-

sorry if some of these suck. my main focus has been on ny/nj/ca for the past few months so, yknow

also ima open up my asks bc im bored and want to get my tumblr account alive again! send me headcanons/wttt related stuff please!

Caliyork fluff

They have the best cuddles. Since New York is always cold and California is always hot their cuddles are great. New York likes to press his chest against California’s back (the hottest area for Cal is his back) when he’s the big spoon and vice versa for Cal.

California loves to make cool things he finds for New York. New York has an entire collection of origami and other artistic things Cal’s made for him.

Their favorite things to do is to curl up with each other and do their own little things. Whether that be Cal reading a book and New York listening to music, it doesn’t matter. They just love being near one another.

California can be a really good cook when he’s in the mood. Before he and New York got together he was in a big slump, always pushing himself too hard and stressed, so he relied heavily on microwavable meals and junk food. New York coming into his life really helped get him back onto his feet. New York loves his food whenever he cooks and will cook with him sometimes.

The power couple in meetings. Don’t fuck with one of them if you don’t want the other to jump you. Neither of them are scared to fight.

Can be heard laughing in each others rooms late at night or during the day. Those two are always doing something together and relaxing in one of their rooms.

New York likes to bring Cal to his rats/pigeons just to see his happy and excited face. He finds it adorable at how happy he gets playing with the animals.

angst bit is cut off just incase. tw for drinking, arguing, and fighting mentions. if i need to add anymore tw’s let me know!!

Caliyork angst

California has bad attachment issues and a fear of abandonment. He’s always scared that New York is gonna leave him once he realizes that he isn’t worth it or that he’s with him out of pity. New York makes sure to assure him that no, he isn’t gonna leave him and that he does love him very much.

New York has come home on multiple occasions drunk as hell and bloodied after a fight. It scares the hell out of California each time. They’ve gotten into a few arguments over it and NY’s promised to step away from drinking. He’s healing slowly.

New York worries that California’s gonna leave him as soon as he realizes that New York is a shitty partner. California lets him know that he’s the best boyfriend Cal could ever ask for and that no matter what he isn’t leaving.

They’ve said some hurtful things to each other during rare fights multiple times and have almost broken up over it. It usually ended up with the two taking breaks for a bit before starting up couples therapy to the others relief. Things are getting better and they are learning how to communicate better.

New York has a bit of a jealousy problem. He’ll latch onto California and attack your ass if he deems you as overstepping boundaries. California’s the same way but he’s a bit more relaxed about it since he knows New York well and trusts him. It’s caused a bit of a problem on multiple occasions so they are working on fixing it.

[randomthefox]

I’ve been thinking a lot about how angry Tails gets in Sonic Lost World lately.

I think Tails is the type of person who loves to do everything he can to help people constantly, especially the people he’s closest to, because he desperately wants his feelings to be reciprocated. But Tails doesn’t want to directly ask for what he wants because he thinks that would be selfish. He always tries to present a kind and nurturing persona to the rest of the world so that people will feel like they can depend on him, and if they do, they’ll never leave him. This is also why he doesn’t know how to say no to people. The only way that he feels he can make sure he doesn’t accidentally drive away the people he cares about is by being as useful as possible. He clearly thinks that his worth is only measured by how useful he by how he asks Sonic in Frontiers whether he’s being a burden on Sonic for not doing enough to help him save the world.

I think that’s why Tails’ anger in Sonic Lost World seems to come out of nowhere. He’s felt like he’s been underappreciated for a while now, and Sonic wanting to team up with Eggman was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. If you pay attention, Tails’ rant is foreshadowed by him being more prideful than usual. As a way of him trying to communicate to Sonic that “you should be grateful for everything I do for you” before Tails has a full meltdown, because Tails doesn’t want to sound selfish by directly saying it.

Tails doesn’t get emotional very often because he’s always repressing his feelings to not be a bother. Tails still doesn’t say no. He never says that he refuses to work with Eggman, he just complains about it. He also still doesn’t properly convey what he wants. He just says that he’s angry about working with Eggman, but that’s clearly not the entire truth because he brings up how he thinks that Sonic doesn’t think he’s good enough. Another way of him indirectly saying “you should be grateful for everything I do for you”, except more aggressively. He still doesn’t want to come off as selfish so that people won’t abandon him. So instead he expresses his repressed anger by complaining about everything all of the time while never addressing the source of exactly what’s making him so volatile because he still doesn’t want to seem like a bother by sounding selfish, even though he’s being a bother anyways by being a passive aggressive jerk because he won’t just say what’s wrong. Tails is so fixated on not being a bother by not being selfish that he doesn’t consider how he could be being a bother in other ways. Such is the contradictory nature of an unhealthy coping mechanism. It fits with Tails’ habit of fixating so hard on the complicated stuff that he misses the simple things. Like how he built the Tornado 2 to do something as amazing as transform but forgot to add in something as simple as landing gear in the second form. 

Tails’ arc in Frontiers seems to be the beginning of him learning how to properly advocate for himself and how to become a more self sufficient person.

What do you think of this analysis of Tails’ psyche? Do you think this sounds about right? Or have I completely gone off the fucking deep end? Also, thank you for reading my 700 word essay on Miles ‘Tails’ Prower lol.

I think you're spot on. Like, no notes.

Tails might have self actualized in SA 1 and 2 but the problems of his self esteem issues didn't just go away. That shit is sticking around forever. It's like being an addict. You don't ever stop being an addict. Even after twenty years of being sober, you'll still be an addict. Deep rooted psychological dependence doesn't ever go away, you just get better at managing it. Pain doesn't go away, you just make room for it

Tails primary character flaw has always been his self esteem. His theme song was called "Believe in Myself" because that's what he needed to learn how to do. And the lyrics of the song include "Many friends help me out In return I help them Certain things I can do, and there's things that only I can do No one's alone."

Which, yeah, speaks to me of a pretty cut and dry case of "Tails doesn't think he's good unless he's useful." So Sonic thinking they "needed" Eggman instead of deferring to Tails would absolutely trigger that sensitive reaction from him. And like I mentioned when I was playing through the game - Sonic accepts Eggmans suggestion for them to team up unilaterally. He doesn't even ask Tails if he'd be okay with it, let alone consider that Tails could reprogram the machine himself. Sonic did cede to Eggman's suggestion so easily because of the baggage he was dealing with himself in that game, but it absolutely just resulted in Tails feeling slighted and developing some resentment which quickly boiled over into their argument. Which I've already analyzed myself.

Tails definitely strikes me as the kind of person who wouldn't understand that It Isn't About The Nail

Or the Parks and Rec way portraying it

aka as you described "so fixated on not being a bother by not being selfish that he doesn’t consider how he could be being a bother in other ways." The story he had in Frontiers definitely seemed oriented around confronting that element of his character and trying to take corrective steps towards it.

I agree 100% with all of it.

[profoundbondfanfic]

Saved From Hell, Cast From Heaven

Saved From Hell, Cast From Heaven by bizarrestars Rating: Mature Word Count: 13.4k

Cas is going to rebuild Dean. He's going to make Dean again, and Dean doesn't care. He doesn't want to separate, even for a moment, even to be made. He doesn't want Cas' touch to ever leave. He won't let Cas let him go, and Cas cannot stay. (Dean doesn't know, but this will be the reoccurring dynamic between them both for years to come.) Here and now, he has to let Dean go, but Dean thrashes under his loosening grip, only soothed when he leaves the imprint of his touch behind, a scalding reminder that makes Dean scream, that makes Dean moan with relief, and then— Dean wakes up with a burning shoulder.

Do you think that Dean and Cas have a lot of reunions and meetings? Would you like an absolutely painful yet divine look at all of them? Well then click on this fic!

This fic tracks Dean and Cas' relationship from their first meeting in Hell through all of their reunions afterwards. It is absolutely tragic to see how many times Dean has and then loses Cas, especially when Dean's abandonment issues start to become more and more pronounced and his relationship with Cas deepens.

We hit a lot of the fandom favorites--Cas' coat following Dean around from car to car makes an appearance, as does the widower arc. Dean is also so painfully touch-starved in this fic that you spend half of it just begging for Cas to do something as simple as reach out and heal Dean, just so they can have that moment of contact. And not to give anything away, but this story does a great job of walking a circular path, almost literally coming around to "the night we met" (yes, THAT song also makes a cameo appearance as well!).

This fic will make you hurt as it covers some of Dean and Cas' most painful moments (9.03, casting Cas out of the bunker my beloathed), but the payoff is absolutely worth it. So if you're looking for a fic that celebrates Dean and Cas' meeting and then everything afterward, definitely check this fic out!

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

any chance for more what if emma doesn't die thoughts from you? I am filled with sorrow for her and Dean once more

ooh....you know for someone who has an obscenely long ghost emma wip I've never really considered if she just survived from the beginning hmm...

well obviously when sam barges in the room dean either manages to put himself in front of emma and talk him down, or, the sexier option, he shoots the gun out of sam's hand. sam still argues but dean is invoking oldest rule here lmao. I don't know if 'poughkeepsie' would apply here but I want him to drop a code word to guilt sam into letting emma come along

between his attitude and the whole 'pulling a gun on her' thing emma reasonably does not like sam right off the bat, so she's practically glued to dean like a shadow for the first couple weeks

(personally I think emma truly wanted to escape and didn't want to hurt anyone, I think she only pulled the knife bc she couldn't read dean and thought he wasn't gonna help her. so obviously that's. less of an issue here)

idk I just really like the idea of emma knowing How to fight but having more of a pacifistic nature, not really blending well with either sides of her family. like she didn't ask dean to protect her from the amazons so she could be a hunter. dean may not be able to give her a normal life while they're busy hiding from leviathans, amazons, and the us government, but he'll be damned if he's gonna force her into a fight or give her a gun. sam tries to convince emma to work as bait for the pennywhistle case and dean goes Nuclear

so once dean's comfortable letting her out of his sight for longer than half an hour she's usually on research or like, the get away driver lol

dean's 'never had enough money to get nice things for sammy' childhood guilt is manifesting aggressively he's buying stuff for emma every time he goes anywhere. whole back seat of the car is decked out with fluffy blankets and pillows, she's got her own collection of music, clothes, stuff like that. she definitely has more stuff than she should have considering they're living on the run but that's not gonna stop dean

sorry I just love the idea of sam constantly picking fights with her and dean being like. Why Do You Have Beef With My Newborn.

like I definitely think sam would warm up to her before the end of the season, especially after cas fixes his mind, but between the amy situation and his personal trauma about feeling like a monster his family should have hunted, I think he'd just. have a rough time with her at first. plus in no world does sam know how to communicate with teenage girls lmao

HOWEVER I don't think she'd stay with him while dean is trapped in purgatory. I think lowkey sam doesn't even really. Consider being her guardian or whatever bc he sees her as grown and capable, but also he's immediately trying to find a place to settle down and emma is like. what the fuck are you talking about none of this is finished???

so she takes off. she wants to find kevin to 1) make sure he's okay and 2) see if his prophet powers can help her figure out what happened to dean and cas. I think she should meet up with charlie!!! she figures if anyone can track down a missing person it'd be her, and we all know charlie's not gonna turn away kid wanting to save her parent.

they do find kevin (and linda!) and get them situated and do what they can to hide them from crowley. dean and cas eventually get out of purgatory the same way as in canon bc they couldn't really figure that out, but at least kevin wasn't abandoned all year and had a decent head start on figuring out the tablet. the four of them have a little clubhouse set up and charlie makes buffy the vampire slayer references or room of requirement jokes literally every day

this is pretty much all I've got right now, but I'm always filled with sorrow on emma's (and deans) behalf omg. someone please save her already

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas ,

So i need some advice about a recent situation and last time I sent to you an ask you gave me wonderful advice.

So my older sister and my parents have never had the best relationship with each other but it seems like they have only gotten worse over time and when I was younger I didn't really see it but as I get older I see how bad it really is,anyway my older sister recently graduated high school and we were going to have a graduation party for her on a Sunday evening. She has never been the most like bubbly person but on the day of her party she was extra mopey and while we were getting the party ready she just kinda wandered around the house and it didn't really bother me but apparently it really bothered my parents and I could tell that it was getting on their nerves.So me and my two younger sisters (6 & 10) are upstairs just chilling in our room when we hear our parents yelling at my older sister and I didn't hear all of it but the gist of it was that she needed to cheer up and show that she appreciates the work we are all putting in to help with the party but they like yelled cuss words at her and she started crying at some point and they told her to get out of their kitchen and get some composure and I'm.not sure when but during therm screaming they told her not to be herself and I think that is terrible and me and my little sisters just kind of listened to it and my 10 yr old sister had to comfort the 6 yr old one while she was crying because I was to shocked. I've heard my parents say some pretty ugly things before but this was worse.

Then three days later on the ride back from the doctors office my dad asked me if I was ever upset about the fact that I'm adopted and I said no because it never really bothers me and he told me that it was okay if I am but it doesn't seem like that's true because of the way they are with my sisters issues with being adopted ( I think it might be abandonment issues) and I'm not sure how to feel about that.

So I also found out that apparently my mom told her friend about it and that makes me upset because it's not her friends business.

Then not only do they do that a few days ago my mom had me help her go through my older sisters room to see how much money my relatives sent her for college and when I tried to sort of hint at the fact that I thought that what she did was wrong by saying that I would be really angry and feel very violated she lectured me about how my older sister doesn't pay the bills and she would never have found out otherwise and she's only doing it because she is interested in my sisters life.

Ok sorry that was longer than I thought it would be but my question is am a bad sister for helping my mom and then not telling her what happened just because I don't want anymore conflict in the house and I think it really scares my younger sisters and I don't want them to have to deal with this but I also don't want to betray my older sister. I'm just feeling very torn because I can't protect everyone.

Thank you so much for your time sorry this is so long

❤, caught in the middle anon

Hi hon!

You are NOT a bad sister. Your mom is being kind of shitty for putting you in this position- SHE is the adult, and she should know better. Like...she shouldn't be encouraging you to go through your sister's things.

Remember, it's not your job to protect everyone. yes, you can be a good sibling and look out for your sisters, but you're not a parent! It's okay to do what is best for you- and if that's keeping the peace then that's fine! You aren't the one causing the problem here, you know? So please don't feel guilty for coping with it the best you can <3

[angelsdean]

thinking abt this ask some more and well, it also all boils down to dean is not john because dean is not john.

dean is his own person with different life experiences and trauma and morals and agency. yes dean learned and internalized some things from john, and learned to filter most of his emotions into anger bc anger was a safer emotion to express under john's roof than fear or sadness.

but dean literally IS NOT john. he's dean. and crucially he is a victim of john, who was Thee angry man in the house. john is the first person he learned pain and shame and anger and self-hatred from. and dean has not been able to properly unpack or cope with those early experiences or any of the other traumatic events that follow. for nearly 40 years. PLUS 40 years of hell trauma. and still !! still !! dean tries to do better. he apologizes and he expresses his regret for past actions and even his worst actions are rooted in love and a need to protect. he most often acts out of fear, worry, and/or grief. as cas said, the good and the bad, everything he has done has been for love. he fears jack and is angry at jack during widowers arc because he loved cas so much and does not yet know jack is good and can be trusted. his reaction is understandable. we as the audience see and receive more information than the characters. dean has every right to be fearful and wary.

but anyways. back to dean and john. widower's arc IS meant to draw that parallel between them. we're supposed to see dean echoing john. we're supposed to feel john's ghost acting through dean. but we are also meant to see where they diverge. dean does not become obsessed with revenge. he does not go on a quest to get cas back (despite how much he wants him back) and abandon everyone else. he even starts to come around to jack, even before cas gets back.

then, there's john and his own complicated trauma. and i do feel some empathy and sadness for him. but his trauma is notably different from dean's, and that's why dean garners more of my empathy, compassion, and forgiveness.

john felt abandoned after his father's disappearance and then internalizes those abandonment issues and those unresolved feelings fester into anger. then john enlists illegally in the military chasing his father's ghost. in the military he experiences more trauma. but he did choose to go into the military. it's different from dean being forced to be a soldier and weapon for his father from a young age. john was 17 ? when he enlisted and did so of his own free will (as much free will as you can have being one of chuck's blorbos but still, you get what i'm saying), while dean never had a choice, and by the time he had the choice to leave he'd already been guilt tripped into staying by john and also had very few connections outside of the winchester family unit. IF dean were to leave john (after sam left) he'd be largely alone because john never let them forge connections and relationships. john purposely kept them isolated from others, which is a tactic of abuse. finally, john loses mary which exacerbates his preexisting issues, anger, and trauma. losing mary was not the catalyst that turned john "bad" it was just an accelerator added to the fire that had been slow-burning for years.

so yes, both john and dean have abandonment issues regarding their fathers, except john's are based on a perceived abandonment that he lets become a deep anger and propel his actions re: joining the military. whereas dean is literally abandoned and neglected repeatedly and often throughout his childhood which leads to a lot of unresolved fear and anxiety regarding losing people and people leaving him. cas dying during widower's arc and losing mary at the same time too (and crowley!) definitely triggers those deep seated fears and anxieties. dean also just as trauma surrounding death bc of mary. dean, like john, also has trauma surrounding being a soldier and having to kill people. however, john chose that path (and then later chose hunting) while dean had that life thrust upon him. (the first time he's handed a gun he is six years old and his father believes he somehow has a "killer instinct"). finally, dean, like john, loses cas who is yes mary-coded during widower's arc and he is left with a child. however, unlike john, this child is also an extremely powerful being whom dean knows nothing about except the fact that he is the biological son of lucifer. he also believes jack manipulated cas and got him killed. people will parallel jack to sam in this instance but john likely had no idea sam was infected with demon blood until much later after years of research and following azazel's trail. so early on, john's neglect and mistreatment of sam and dean cannot be blamed on john being afraid of sam or something like that. john IS afraid of the world though. he's paranoid as all heck and that fuels a lot of his actions. but dean is not wrong in this case for being wary of jack. he has every right to be afraid, it's just that his fear, coupled with grief, ends up being expressed as anger. the same may be true for john in those early years, but eventually, john lets his anger and need for vengeance consume him and he prioritizes the hunt over his children. as he says in 1x22, "killing this demon comes first. before everything." dean wants cas and mary and crowley back, but he doesn't put it before everything. he doesn't turn away from sam or jack to pursue that quest.

dean is not john because dean is dean. he doesn't see the world as black and white as john did. he still has fears and trauma that when triggered have him reverting to old, ingrained habits, but most often, he wants to do good and help people. he cares about his family and wants them to be safe and alive. sometimes he will go to extremes to make sure that happens. but his actions are always rooted in love and care. cas saw him as a being of love. as more than what john tried to make him. more than a blunt instrument. more than a weapon for heaven and hell. more than chuck's favorite toy. dean is dean. and that's why cas loves him. and that's why *i* love him.

[mathlann]

Putting thoughts together as to "what goes wrong for Heinrix/Cas in Act 3."

Act 3 is probably my favorite Act irt "dysfunction junction" because while Cas and Heinrix are probably the most "put together" of the crew in Commorragh, the way they deal with that put them fundamentally at odds with each other. Because they're both "falling back on what they know" but for Cas that usually involves committing some type of heresy and for Heinrix that means doubling down on Inquisitorial Dogma. And considering they're in Commorragh and he's Ordo Xenos, what that actually looks like is "getting into a huge fucking fight about that Drukhari until they're giving each other the silent treatment."

So, ground-setting, inasmuch as Commorragh is supposed to be everyone's physical and mental low points, for Cas there is a part of her that gets the logic of the place because of how brutal it is. Even though she is (by Iocanthan standards) a noble and spent most of her time with command or in negotiations, she wasn't spared the "spend your first few battles with nothing but your wits and maybe a big stick until you prove yourself useful" part of joining the warband. So is this her first time waking up half dead in a pile of corpses? No. But getting a gun first thing and some shitty armor before being sent off to do a job? That's a real leg up! Downright hospitable! And so while Commorragh is genuinely horrible and party is infighting constantly, its also probably the one place they've been to where Cas is the one feeling fully competent and in her element.

And her ability to understand the logic of the place does factor in to her deciding to recruit Marazhai despite the many, many crimes hes committed against her Protectorate and her personally. Because "Lord-Captain" Casimira probably would kill him, but right now she's "Iocanthan" Casimira and that Cas works on the understanding that "capturing your enemies, bringing them to heel, and making them work for you," is a viable strategy, one that she has seen and facilitated multiple times beck home. Marazhai is valuable, and between a Kabal that’s abandoned him and a Wych Cult who despises him, he’s not really in a place to do her or her retinue any harm, and they both know that. So to her mind, if he’s willing to come along, using him to get out of here is most reasonable choice.

But what’s interesting doing Act 3 a second time around, is that while Heinrix isn’t happy about Yrliet, its actually Marazhai’s presence that kicks him into “Inquisitor” mode. Before that he’s a bit grumpy about the former's presence but he doesn’t kick up too much of a fuss about it because of the more pressing issues at hand. And his romance scene after his rescue is actually a really nice oasis of peace in the sense of him (for once) being able to put rank and duty aside and vulnerable with Cas as like, partners. And so seeing as up the that point things seemed to be operating as normal, Cas doesn't really take Heinrix into account when deciding to bring Marazhai into the retinue because while he'll probably be upset, she can usually talk him around to seeing her side.

But the second arena fight is a big shift for Heinrix because while he'll allow Yrliet as a temporary inconvenience that can be dealt with later, Marazhai is a threat that needs to be eliminated now, and if Cas can’t do it, he (and Argenta) will. And when the plan to kill Marazhai doesn't work and Cas intervenes, she’s not prepared for how nasty Heinrix gets about her interference. Its not that she thinks he’s wrong to react the way he does necessarily, but between his attempt at Inquisitorial loophole-ing (“I have not heard you officially declare yourself the protector of this xenos…”) and later calling what she did a stunt falling “somewhere between blasphemous heresy and incredible foolishness,” a slap to the face probably would’ve been less harmful to her in that moment.

And I think that latter part is an especially hard hit because back during Yrliet's soul therapy it did show that one of the insecurities weighing Cas down was the fear that Heinrix thought she was too frivolous and not taking her duties seriously. So for her to hear that from him was like “this isn’t me playing a game, I’m doing what I need to do to get us out of here. Why can’t you see that or at least trust that I’ve thought this through?” And even going in to Act 4 when he apologizes and admits he wasn’t really in his right mind during that time, that gnawing little insecurity that he doesn’t trust her, or worse, looks down on her, never really goes away.

[theebarnscene]

i think the main reason why i prefer sastiel over destiel is because there’s just this wonderful understanding and respect between sam and cas that cas and dean never had. sam is also the one who always treats cas like an actual person. sam actually respects the choices that cas makes instead of making it all about himself (like dean tends to do).

dean’s love for cas (and really anyone who isn’t sam) has always felt conditional. he cares about them as long as they don’t go against him. then when they decide to do their own thing he lashes out and maybe even physically or verbally abuses them. that’s obviously mostly because of his abandonment issues but i still don’t think it’s okay and i don’t want cas (or anyone obviously) to be treated like that.

idk i just feel like cas deserves better than dean. he deserves to be with someone who loves him for who he is and who trusts him and respects the decisions he makes and that’s always been sam, not dean.