#of course i wanted you to stay

[angelsdean]

"i left but you didn't stop me" dean doesn't think he deserves to ask ppl to stay. not for his sake. not because he wants it. even if it's all he wants he thinks he doesn't deserve it, it's not his place to ask. if they're leaving he thinks well, of course they are and why should i ask them not to? and then you think of dean at four years old telling his mom "i love you. i'll never leave you." and you think abt dean forming his core ideas about love and loyalty around not being the one to leave. not abandoning people. dean struggles to do the leaving, but if someone else is doing the leaving, he won't ask them to stay. he doesn't think it's his place to ask, they've made up their mind. "you don't think you deserve to be saved," close but try again. "you don't think you deserve…anything." dean was raised to view himself as expendable. the first line of defense. from the very start he already thinks his life comes second, his wants and desires don't matter, not as much as those of others. so if someone wants to leave him? that matters more than his desire for them to stay.

[mylittleredgirl]

when i hear "found family" in relation to an ensemble of fictional characters in media there's two different things that could be happening here.

often it's what i think of as forced family, which is like "i found myself in a situation with these people" but a key part of the trope is that, like most families of origin, they're stuck with each other and can't leave without taking extreme action. voyager's "found family" is a forced family. i'm watching m*a*s*h now and it seems that way too. in both cases there's an outside constraint where you literally cannot escape these people and so grow to love them as a result, often in a codependent or unhealthy way but you are closer to them than you will ever be to anyone who did not share this experience. you would sell some of them to satan for one corn chip but god help any outsider who tries to break you up or even understand the situation. sometimes you get lucky and there's a person or two in there that you would choose to spend every day with regardless of circumstance (but would you really? can you even tell for sure??). but also it's "i will never ever speak to you again as long as i live but i'm really bored so can you give me a ride to the 7-11 first."

meanwhile chosen family is more like star trek the next generation where they are placed in this group at random but there's no hostage element to it. any one of them could request a transfer at any time, but they never will because this community and group of people have become an inseparable part of their identity. in both cases they'd saddle up and risk their lives to save each other forever at any personal cost ("not to me, not if it's you") but forced family also contains the element of "i'll fucking do it but christ alive." not every ensemble fits into one or the other but i think it's fun to distinguish as a concept.

[cosmossystem]

Curious System / Plural Ask Game

inclusive of all system types :] feel free to send an ask, or reblog if you want to play too!

❤ Is anyone in-system in a relationship? What kind(s)?

🌹 Does your system have any inhuman members? If so, what species are they?

🐾 Is your system mostly human or inhuman members? Somewhere in between?

🧡 How does your system handle memories? Does everyone share, or is it split across members? (Feel free to be as vague or specific as you want, or skip this question.)

⭐ Do you have a headspace / inner world? What does it look like?

💛 How long have you known about your system / plurality?

🌻 How did you discover your system / plurality? (Feel free to be as vague or specific as you want, or skip this question.)

🌙 How does your system handle dreams? Do you share dreams, or are they specific to one member? Do any members show up in dreams?

💚 Do you have any funny stories about another system member(s) or about being a system?

🍀 Do any system members practice a religion or belief system? What about spirituality?

❄ Do you have a favorite memory related to your system? (i.e. something that happened in headspace or something that another member did.)

💙 Does your system have any introjects? Do they typically come from the same source / origin, or is it more varied?

🧵 How does your system handle the body's / vessel's appearance? Does everyone dress the same, or is there a broad range of styles?

💜 What's your favorite part of being plural / in a system?

🌺 Do any members consider other system members to be family? In other words, does your system have any internal families (such as siblings, caretakers, parents, etc.) ?

🌸 Does your system have any inside jokes?

🎀 Does your system share everything in the outer world / meatspace? Does anyone have any objects / items that are solely theirs?

🤎 Do system members typically agree on things or is there a broad range of opinions?

🖤 How does your system make important collective decisions? Does one person call the shots, or is it a group effort?

🚀 Do any members speak another language? What about multiple languages? Does everyone speak the same language(s), or does it vary?

🌼 Do any members have accents or typing quirks? Are accents/quirks common in your system, or more rare?

☁ How does your system handle switching? Can you switch easily, or does it take more effort? Are there a lot of switches?

🔬 Does everyone in your system typically share skills and hobbies, or does it vary between members? Does anyone have any unique or strange hobbies / skills?

🏁 How has your system changed over time, if it has? Such as a new influx of members, a change in headspace, or a new structure. (Feel free to be as vague or specific as you want, or skip this question.)

🔎 Is there any other trivia about your system you'd like to share?

🤍 Say something positive about another system member (or all of them, if you'd like!)

[inkskinned]

it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.

i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.

it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.

[girlsdads]

#ok it’s giving girl dad wearing his daughter’s handmade necklace special for him into work 🥺🥺😩😩

couldn’t stop thinking about this tag of mine, wrote a little smth about it 🥰

The stomping footfalls racing down the hall behind him could only be those of a toddler. Daniel turns and squats just in time for his tiny blonde projectile of a child to come barreling into his chest. The force sends Daniel falling back onto his butt with a surprised oof, his daughter giggling delightedly in his lap.

“Hey, Ellie-bug,” Daniel smiles. “Daddy’s gotta go to work, remember how we talked about it and you promised to be a big girl?” He brushes a strand of hair away from her mouth where it’s gotten stuck in a little smear of jam leftover from her breakfast. Daniel had shown Max how to make it just the way she likes—the pancake batter shaped in the silicone star mold, the silly faces drawn in jelly and jam.

Ellie’s head bobs up and down dutifully, but she makes no move to get up.

Max appears from the kitchen then, looking like a man who’s been fighting a losing battle with the second pancake. There’s a splatter of thick batter on his white t-shirt. He’s holding the spatula like it’s offended him somehow. Daniel looks at him over their daughter’s head, and loves him fiercely.

“She is of course the biggest girl,” Max says. Ellie grins proudly. “Why don’t you give Daddy your present now, then we will finish your pancakes.”

Daniel watches her grey-blue eyes light up like she’s just now remembering why she came running at him in the first place. She reaches a chubby hand into the bib pocket on her overalls, embroidered Enchanté script stretching as she roots around and produces a string of brightly-colored plastic beads. She holds it out to him expectantly.

Daniel takes the strand delicately in hand, wraps it around the backs of his fingers and rotates his wrist to get a good look. It’s a necklace, probably more of a choker given its relatively small circumference, the fat pony beads the only real indication it was made by a child. The powder pink and fuchsia beads are separated by interspersed pearlescent white orbs and clear sparkly stars. Smack in the center is a single number bead, a glittery pink three.

“Jeepers, did you make this for me? It’s beautiful!” Daniel says, and means it. He’s already been wanting to talk to his team about adding a jewelry collection to a future drop, and what better inspiration?

Ellie nods excitedly. “Papa helped me do a…,” she pauses, squints and tilts her little head, searching for the word, “…a pattern!”

“We made it the other day, while you were out with Blake,” Max chimes in. “For good luck.” He sounds almost bashful, like maybe it wasn’t their daughter’s idea in the first place. Daniel’s heart is so swollen it’s threatening to leak out through the gaps in his ribcage.

“How’d I get so lucky, huh?” Daniel muses, softly, mostly to himself. He stretches the elastic over his head, feels the smooth plastic three settle in the hollow of his throat. His pulse thrums evenly against it, grounding.

He flashes his biggest smile at his family. “How do I look?”

“Pretty, Daddy!” Ellie throws herself forward again, wrapping her arms around Daniel’s neck. It leaves him locking eyes with Max, who’s gazing down at the two of them like nothing else in the universe exists. Daniel can never quite get used to that look—still feels butterflies dancing up the back of his throat, his stomach dropped into a glorious freefall.

“Beautiful, Daniel,” Max says, reverent. “Always.”

[morganbritton132]

Eddie posts a Tiktok one night from the air mattress him and Steve are sleeping on in Wayne’s living room. It is late. It is dark.

Eddie looks unimpressed at the camera because he went to bed on a pretty firm mattress and woke up during the slow slide to Steve.

He pans the camera over to Steve and his side is practically deflated. He’s pretty much sleeping on the floor at this point so Eddie pans the camera back to him and says, “Think there might be a hole in this air mattress, y’all.”

Steve shifts in his sleep and Eddie slides a little more towards him before he adds, “You know that 50 Cent tweet about his grandma making him take the trash out? That’s how I’m feelin’ right now.”

“Cause this is bullshit. The couch fucks up my back. Why am I not at a hotel?” He mutters to himself, sliding the rest of the way down and flopping on top of Steve. “I have two Grammys.”

Falling on top of him woke Steve up just enough for Eddie to get him up and moving, “C’mon, baby, on your feet. Let’s go. We’re bunking up with Wayne tonight.”

Steve, who will not remember this conversation in the morning and is going to wake up confused, just lets Eddie guide him into the bedroom like, “Kay.”

[dailyloopdeloop]

DAY 71: shy

[imaybe5tupid]

Why bother? (Why bother?) It's gonna hurt me. (It's gonna hurt me.) It's gonna kill when- (Why bother!) -You desert me! (Gonna hurt me!)

Set after Nightmare. Laios is reminiscing and contemplating.

[fumifooms]

Canines

The hand that feeds

Mickbell Tomas & Kuro Dungeon Meshi

^ 1: Ink-the-artist, I will remove my teeth / 2: Margaret Atwood / 3: C.S. Lewis, The Horse and His Boy / 4: Mitski, I’m your man / 5: Ojibwa, I love you like a rotten dog / 6: KotOR II / 7: Stardrop, Everything that’s ever been mine is covered in teeth marks / 8: Sodikken, People Eater / 9: Mitski, I’m your man / 10: maxime., The life and death of a dog / 11: Mitski, I bet on losing dogs / 12: maxime., The life and death of a dog / 13: hun, I did not bite with Malice / 14: C. Michael Davis, Don't Pet the Dragon / 15: Mitski, I’m your man

v 1: Early versions of the myth as in aeschylus orestes / 2: Ink-the-artist, I will not remove my teeth

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript:

*panting*

What was I thinking?

"Who's your daddy?" Who says things like that?

I need to get it together and focus on my investments.

The BUSSY controls my every waking thought.

And I have lost my path.

Forgive me, Lord.

And allow me passage back to The Grindset.

End Transcription

Audio source

[insanesonofabitch]

“Now you can barely even look at me.”

And yet, when Cas leaves, when he walks towards the door and doesn’t look back, Dean was watching him the entire time. He looks away not because he couldn’t look at Cas. But because after what he said (which he knew was wrong), he couldn’t have Cas look at him. And if you see the parallels of this scene to 6x20, it makes perfect sense. Cas couldn’t look at Dean for the same reason Dean couldn’t look at Cas. It wasn’t hate, it was shame.

6x20 | 15x03

[angelsdean]

Also, since I'm divorce arc posting today, what if i said Dean wasn't wrong to say this:

CASTIEL The plan changed, Dean. Something went wrong. You know this. Something always goes wrong. DEAN Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?

LIKE !!!!! Sure it was harsh and if emotions weren't heightened already and Dean wasn't still dealing with the very recent death of his mother and that grief (anger being a stage of grief!) and ALL the Chuck shit on top of that AND his own complicated feelings re: Jack's death (bc Dean was Not going to kill him, despite Chuck trying to manipulate him into doing that) he probably wouldn't have said that to Cas but like?? he's not really wrong.

You can easily trace a lot of the major season conflicts as a long line of dominoes starting with Cas's s6 betrayal. Leviathans. Purgatory. The tablets. Angels falling. Lucifer getting out of the cage via Cas possession. Etc etc. And most of the time Cas was doing things from a place of good intentions in his POV. Trying to fix things or spare others the burden of doing the hard thing. But still, these plans often backfire for Cas. Going it alone, not letting Dean (+ Sam) in on his plans, it usually does not end well !!!! They are TEAM Free Will for a reason. The show (and Dean) continuously emphasizes the importance of team and family and not going it alone. So, while what Dean says to Cas in this scene is definitely a harsh pill to swallow and not something I think Dean would say to Cas in normal circumstances, he technically isn't wrong. And that's what makes it such a heart-breaking scene.

And even more-so, he's saying this but he still, at his core doesn't want Cas to leave. ("Of course I wanted you to stay.") At the moment he needs space and time to process his grief re: Mary, and all the other stuff going on, but he still wants Cas there and ultimately wants to fix things. ("I'd rather have you." "We can fix this." "I was there where were you." etc etc)

But to fix things they need to address his huge persistent, recurring issue between them: not communicating effectively and Cas continuously leaving, going rogue, and/or deciding for them when to involve Dean.

Dean wants to work together, as a team. Dean wants to be involved. Dean wants Cas to not just up and disappear and "deal with things" on his own like he always does. Cas, in his own POV, sees his actions as perhaps a form of care. He's protecting! He's taking on the hardships! Also, his hubris, wanting to be the strong protector type. Wanting to be a warrior. Powerful. Securing "wins." And these desires stem from his years as a soldier of Heaven, of equating worth with Results. Not something Dean has put on him or required of him.

But Dean doesn't see Cas's actions the way Cas perceives them. We as the omniscient audience know more about Cas's motivations than Dean does too. Dean often just sees Cas leaving, prioritizing the mission and shutting Dean out. However, I do think it's important to note that Dean is also usually willing to give Cas the benefit of the doubt, defend him, and forgives easily / implicitly.

They both care deeply about each other and don't maliciously mean to press on each other's specific insecurities and traumas but like, Dean is abandonment issues boy. And Cas keeps leaving. Or ignoring his calls when their daily lives are a constant life or death battle because they are literally living in a horror show! Dean is not unreasonable to be worried when he doesn't hear from Cas for days, weeks, months on end. He's not being "clingy" or "demanding." Expecting some base form of communication from the people you care about is normal in any relationship. Cas refusing to communicate in these moments IS a problem between them.

So, when Dean says, "Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?" re: Cas being the "problem" it's harsh yes! But it's pushing them toward addressing this recurring issue (Cas going rogue often = plans backfiring) and the root of that issue which is Cas continuing to leave to do things on his own, change the game-plan without running it by anyone, and keeping others out. This moment is a breaking point. Because Dean, under normal circumstances, is generally one to defend, forgive, and move past Cas's mistakes. Cas himself says it in this very scene: "You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt."

But at this point something needs to give, they need an explosive moment to just bring all these issues to light. It's a rupture.

Yes, Dean might "still blame [Cas] for Mary" but Cas also knows deeply, as he expresses to Jack, that Dean needs time and space to process his emotions. That he feels things more acutely and intensely but that ultimately he usually comes to a place of acceptance / forgiveness / is able to move on.

That's what Dean wants and needs in this moment. He needs space to deal with his feelings and his grief (clearly in the anger stage of it). And he also wants to finally address these issues! But Cas is also struggling himself and in his own mind he's feeding old insecurities. He let Belphegor get under his skin. He thinks he's not needed or wanted anymore. So, he does what he tends to do. Leave.

CASTIEL Well, I don't think there's anything left to say. [Castiel makes to leave.] DEAN Where you going?

Cas decides to leave and Dean immediately asks where are you going? Because even now, feeling how he does, he doesn't want Cas to leave.

What Dean wants is to have a confrontation. He wants to get to the root of their issues. He asks Cas why didn't he just stick to the plan. And emphasizes the concept of WE, of being a team. "We would've figured it out....after. With Rowena." He wants them to stick together, work together. But he's struggling. He's grieving. And still, he wants Cas to stay, of course I wanted you to stay.

And I say it all here in this post but the whole "I left but you didn't stop me" is just, Cas really? From Dean's POV he sees Cas's leaving as a choice Cas makes. He respects his choice and doesn't ask him to stay because he also does not feel he deserves to ask people to stay for him. He is always putting his own wants and desires second to those of others. He thinks, if Cas wants to leave, who is he to stop him?

Anyways, I think too much of divorce arc puts blame on Dean or makes Dean out to be "the bad guy" and "the reason" Cas leaves and the one who needs to "grovel" and apologize / be forgiven. But Cas is not blameless. Cas leaves because Cas leaves. Cas leaves because he chooses to and because he does not want to confront the realities of the situation or his own role in their issues. And after Cas leaves he continues to bury his head in the sand and be avoidant (thee core issue!) while also going out and working a solo case in an effort to secure a "win" and prove to himself that he's still capable of getting things right and not always failing.

And all of this, the complexity, the layers, Cas's stubbornness and flaws, is deeply delicious to me. Cas is not a blameless innocent little baby who got his feelings hurt by "big meanie Dean" in this situation. He is someone who heard a hard truth from someone he cares about and made the choice to leave instead of confronting the issue. And throughout it all, they both still deeply care about each other. It's evident in everything they do. And they want to work it out, but are both at different places and struggling with their own feelings too.

[bumblydumbly]

insane how people act like charles is ‘the jealous one’ like edwin didnt spend the whole first episode screaming crying throwing up every time charles looked at crystal and not him

[non-plutonian-druid]

[ID: three drawings of Five, out of uniform and with slightly longer hair than usual (implied to be post-s3).

In one, he is wearing a trench coat over a suit and sunglasses, and drinking a giant coffee.

In another he is seated at a table looking at a mint chocolate chip milkshake but not eating it. He has his head propped up in one hand and looks tired. He is wearing a blue long sleeved shirt under an oversized, lighter blue t shirt, and cargo shorts. He has a giant ring of keys clipped to one of his belt loops. His hands are wrapped in bandages.

In the last, he is wearing a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and is head down, arms sprawled on a table over several sheets of paper. He is surrounded by a stack of books and two cups of coffee. End ID.]

some light s4 speculation- probably five continues to be very tired but he gets to pick his own clothes about it! in drawing this i convinced myself that five should get to have a trench coat, and also that he should have a giant carabiner clip of keys - for all his siblings' living situations so he can break into their house at a moment's notice, and also steal their car.

[puppetmaster13u]

I was reminded of a Thing from the reblogs on the Mermay 03 Prompt

Very similar vibes. But with platonic omegaverse, and dragons. Gotham? Already cursed to hell and back. But then another curse was formed via the museum bringing in this strange statue. That of course got stolen because solid crystal and gold. Then got broken, split in half. And oop. New Curse.

Now before I get into the curse, lemme explain the omegaverse side of things. Everyone is born a secondary gender labeled Alpha, Omega, or Beta. There's also medical conditions where one is neither, usually a mix of genetic and hormonal issues. Gotham however, is Weird. They have no set scent according to Outsiders. Really? They can shift and switch (Yes there's a large LGTBQ percentage in the population) at will. It can take months for someone new to the city, but those that have been there for a few generations can do it in hours. For those like the Waynes or other founders who have been there since the beginning of the city? Minutes. It's more than a little unnerving to Outsiders who are used to things staying the same.

But that curse (or blessing as others call it) mixed with the new dragon one. See, they can all change into draconic form, and do their best to keep that secret. But they also have different forms depending on the secondary sex they are at that time.

@f4nd0m-fun & @golden-buddle idk if u'd be interested in this but-

[bonefall]

Does leopard still have 3 lives in her final battle? Or was that changed?

Yep. I think she drowned her once, then Leopardstar lunges up refreshed, and she gets the upper paw on Mistyfoot with 2 lives to go.

(MAYBE tw gore, but I really did try to be tasteful about a head being smashed on a rock.)

On her back, splashing and thrashing furiously against Leopardstar's claws dunking her head under, Mistyfoot glimpses a wave breaking just over the tip of a stone-blue rock. Her only chance.

With a surge of power, her claws sink into her leader's golden shoulder and they tumble and roll to the right. Before the tyrant even realizes what's happening, she's yanked up, and then whipped backwards with a wet CRUNCH

And then again

And again

And again, until Mistyfoot can't even make out what's left of her leader anymore. All she can see is that it's a red, brown, and yellow blur, because her eyes burning with salty tears and her whole body is trembling.

She drops the corpse onto the stone and it slides into the water, lifelessly. After a moment it spasms aimlessly one last time, like an insect does after its head is bitten off, unlike the deliberate, agonized throes of Tigerstar suffering through his doomed lives. And then it's still.

There's only the tranquil sound of bubbling water, and Mistyfoot's frenzied panting. Her pounding heart makes it hard to hear either.

The blood is carried off by the shallow water in scarlet swirls, but the lake runs pale red as if it's washing it away. Some were aware of this prophecy, but Mistyfoot was not.

It isn't closure to her, or a fulfillment of divine decree. It's just blood that should be on her paws, slicked away by the complicit river. She wished it could feel like it's over, but she's smart enough to know the truth. Has been through enough terrible events like this to understand what comes next.

Her body will move foward. Her mind will need to consider her deputy. Her paw will come down on code-defying cats like Blackclaw and Greenflower. But her heart will stay here, next to the remains of Leopardstar, the same way another piece of it remains at Stonefur's side across space and time.