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fluentmoviequoter · 5 months

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With You, Even When I'm Not

Requested Here by the amazing @newobsessionweekly!

Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem!cop!reader

Summary: When one of Tim Bradford's enemies is released from prison, he sets out to hurt Tim by hurting you. You trust that Tim will save you, but time is not on your side.

Warnings: angst, car accident, torture (injuries to r), based on 2x11 but this isn't a rewrite (for once lol), crying, fluff and comfort

Word Count: 5.5k+ words

A/N: I didn't include a scene with Tim threatening someone like he does in 2x11 and I kinda regret it because it was hot, but I also really like how this turned out...

Masterlist Directory | Tim Bradford Masterlist | Request Info/Fandom List

“The almighty Tim Bradford isn’t coming to save you. You know why? Because you’re already dead.”

You force your eyes open and ignore the pain and fear to say, “So are you.”

Less than eight hours ago, you sat beside Tim in roll call. You force yourself to remember that rather than consider what Ferguson plans to do to you.

- 8 Hours Ago -

Your day starts like any other: you wake up, get ready, go to the station, and take your seat beside Tim for roll call. The sun is bright, the sky clear, and Los Angeles is event-free for once. So, it has the makings for a good day.

“What is up with you?” Tim asks quietly.

“What do you mean?” you counter.

“You’re all smiley and happy. Someone puked in my shop yesterday and you’re acting like this is the best job in the world.”

“It is!” You chuckle at his look before explaining, “It’s going to be a good day. Just let me enjoy this one for every hundred bad ones I’ve dealt with.”

“Sure.”

Wade enters, and you give him your full attention, though you never forget about Tim. He’s a constant in your life, and you wish you could have him by your side every moment, not just during roll call.

“Nolan, Harper is back so you can return to your TO,” Wade says.

“That’s why you’re so happy,” Tim muses. “You got rid of Nolan.”

You shake your head and smile before you stand. You’re patrolling in one of the nicest Los Angeles neighborhoods today, so you probably won’t see or hear Tim much today.

“Have a good one,” you tell him.

“Be careful,” he replies.

You exit the room, and Tim watches you go. Lucy walks to his side and stops, aware of what he’s looking at and longing for.

“Let’s go, boot, don’t just stand there,” Tim demands.

“Bradford,” Wade calls. “A word? Chen can stay.”

Tim nods and follows Lucy to the front of the room.

“Ferguson was released on parole this morning,” Wade says. “Sorry to tell you like this, but I thought you should know.”

“He had fifteen years left; how did this happen?” Tim asks.

“Who’s Ferguson?” Lucy inquires.

“Someone I arrested,” Tim answers. “He threatened to kill me when he got out.”

“Oh. Uh, should we-“

“That is up to Officer Bradford,” Wade interjects. “If you want to sit today out, I’ll understand.”

“No. I’m not letting him ruin my life, too. We can handle Ferguson if he’s stupid enough to show his face.”

“The parole board seems convinced he’s reformed, but we both know he’s a good liar and a better manipulator. Keep your eyes open, Tim, and don’t hesitate to call in anything you think is a threat.”

“Yes, sir. Let’s go, boot.”

Tim leads Lucy to the shop, and he's quieter than usual. Lucy hasn’t been a cop as long as him, but she knows what it’s like to have a criminal blame you for the consequences of their actions. She won’t push Tim, not about this, but she has questions about everything she heard.

“Pull up Roscoe Ferguson,” Tim says as he turns onto the road. “Get familiar with his face. If you see him, I want you to know it’s him.”

“You really think he’ll do something?” Lucy asks as she turns the dashboard computer toward her.

“I’m counting on it.”

“Dispatch, this is 7-Adam-9, are there any alerts in my area?” you ask into the radio.

“Negative, 7-Adam-9.”

You nod to yourself and place the radio back in the console. The morning has been quiet and slow. You know you shouldn’t complain; a sunny drive in the hills is rarely a bad thing, but you’re a cop, and you’re getting bored.

“7-Adam-9, switch to channel 4 for Sergeant Grey,” dispatch instructs.

You turn the channel dial and let Wade know you’re there. He doesn’t answer, and you slow at a stop sign as you bounce the radio against your thigh.

“You’re in the hills, right?” Wade asks suddenly.

He doesn't use your name or call number, only asks a rushed question. It concerns you, but you remain professional.

“Yes, sir,” you answer. “Do you need me to come back?”

“No, stay up there. Just wanted to double-check.”

“What’s going on?”

Wade goes silent again, and you repeat the question.

“Nothing, I hope. Just trying to keep everyone connected to Bradford out of the heart of LA today.”

“Why?”

“Ferguson was released.”

“He has 15 years left on his sentence!” you exclaim into your empty car.

“I know. I’m trying to get everything figured out and petition for it to be reversed, but for now, just keep working.”

“Yes, sir.”

You turn the channel back and set the radio down. Roscoe Ferguson hates Tim and would do anything to get to him. Tim knows you're here for him, so you focus on your assignment. The Hollywood hills are quiet this morning, but you know better than to let your guard down.

As you turn onto Tahoe Drive, you notice a black truck in your rearview. He gets close to the tail of your shop but slows suddenly and turns onto Tahoe Place. You roll your eyes; the people who live in the Hills drive like they own the hills. They probably do, but it doesn’t excuse unsafe vehicle operation.

You round the bend where Tahoe Drive turns into Lake Hollywood Drive, and the Hollywood Reservoir comes into view. When you glance up, you see the black truck speeding toward you again. You hit the lights and leave them on for a few seconds as a warning, but the driver doesn’t slow. If they pass you, you’ll stop them and issue a ticket, you decide.

There’s a point on Lake Hollywood Drive where there’s less than 200 feet of terrain between the road and the reservoir. It’s covered in sparse foliage, but it would be easy enough to get to the water or hide in the trees. You realize too late that the truck isn’t slowing down or moving to pass you as you near that point. It rams into you from behind, and you lurch forward before the seatbelt catches and snatches you backward. Steering is pointless as the shop slides into a small patch of dirt. The truck is still driving, pushing your car forward. The driver stops just before you collide with a tree, and you reach for the radio.

It's fallen from the console, and the seatbelt holds you uncomfortably tight to your seat. As you wrestle to free yourself and get the radio, you don’t see the man exit the truck or approach your window. He hits it with an illegal tool used for breaking into cars, and you turn your face away as glass showers over you.

“Hi,” he greets. “7-Adam-9, right?”

“And you’re Roscoe Ferguson,” you answer.

“Bradford, get back to the station,” Wade radios, “Now.”

“What’s going on?” Tim asks as he makes a U-turn.

“Ferguson stole a truck. We don’t know where he went after or what he’s planning to do.”

“We should find him,” Lucy says.

“And don’t say you should go look for him,” Wade adds. “You’re too close to this.”

“He’s not going to kill me, Grey,” Tim argues. “Let me help. I caught him once; I can do it again.”

“Get back to the station. That’s an order.”

“Yes, sir.”

Tim sighs as he continues driving toward the station. The last time he worried about Roscoe Ferguson, you were sitting beside him. Though you’ll never take the credit, Tim thinks you’re the main reason he finally got Ferguson in cuffs.

“What now?” Lucy asks.

“We find a way to help find Ferguson,” Tim replies.

“Get out,” Ferguson demands.

He pushes the gun closer to your face, and you raise your hands slowly. Your left shoulder aches from the impact of the seatbelt, and as you reach through the broken window to open your door, you feel the tiny scratches littering your face and neck sting. Ferguson pulls you away from the shop and pushes you toward the reservoir.

“What’s your plan here, Roscoe?” you ask.

He taps the gun against your back to make you keep walking. With your back to him, you slide your hand into your pocket and remove the laminated piece of paper you keep in it. It falls to the ground, and you hope it’s enough to help Tim find you and Roscoe.

“Kill me to get to Tim? Hurt him without touching him because you know he won’t let you get the chance?”

“Shut up!” Ferguson yells. “Walk!”

Taunting him may not be your brightest decision, but making him mad will make him careless. When you reach the water, he grabs your belt and pulls you backward. Your breath rushes out as your back hits the ground, but you smile through the pain.

“You will never beat him,” you say.

“Tim Bradford took everything from me. Let’s see how he likes the feeling,” Ferguson responds.

He raises the gun to your face and pushes the barrel against your forehead. You keep your eyes on him, unwilling to flinch in the face of death. He changes his mind, however, and brings the butt of the handle down against your temple instead, and everything goes dark as the water blows in the wind.

Tim and Lucy have been relegated to desk duty. With Ferguson on the run and numerous threats against Tim’s life, Wade decided it would be best for him to stay here. Wade watches them from his office and shakes his head when Lucy begins twirling her handcuffs around her finger. His phone rings and Wade steps away from the glass door to answer it.

“Sergeant Grey,” he answers.

He listens silently before lowering the receiver and stepping out into the station. Tim looks up, and his expression drops immediately.

“What happened?” Tim asks as he stands.

“They found the stolen truck. It was involved in an accident near the reservoir. He, uh… Ferguson ran a cop off the road, and they’re both missing.”

“Who?” Tim asks, urgency and panic lacing the syllable.

Before Wade can answer, dispatch reads your badge number in a missing officer alert, and Tim’s blood runs cold. He freezes, staring at Wade as he realizes what has happened and that it’s his fault. Tim never anticipated Ferguson going for the people Tim cares about – loves – and he should have.

“Let me go out there,” Tim demands lowly. “I can find her.”

“I shouldn’t,” Wade answers. He looks to Lucy and adds, “But I will. Don’t try to do this alone, Bradford. Take help where you can get it.”

“I don’t want the credit; I want her back,” Tim snaps.

“Then get to the reservoir and do what you do best, Tim.”

Lucy nods at Wade, an unspoken promise that she’ll do her best to help him and keep him from spiraling. They both know that it’s easier said than done.

“Tim,” you call out when you wake.

“Nope, just me,” Ferguson says.

He’s sitting across from you as he carves a piece of wood into a chipmunk. Your arms are tied tightly behind you, and one of your ankles is secured to a metal pole with your handcuffs. Whatever he’s planning to do to you will hurt you, but it will hurt Tim much worse.

“I hope you’re asking for a lot of ransom,” you mumble.

“You and I both know this isn’t about money. It’s about that little partner of yours and what he did to me.”

“Making you pay for your crimes? Yeah, he’s a terrible person.”

Ferguson moves forward quickly. The half-finished wood carving falls to the floor as he presses the knife under your jaw.

“These whittling knives are small, but I can cut an artery before you can call out to him again,” he threatens.

You swallow, causing the knife to bob in his hand. He presses harder and turns to the left before standing. Warm blood trickles down your neck, and you wonder what he plans to do to you before he kills you. If you didn’t have so much faith in Tim, you’d be tempted to anger Ferguson and trick him into killing you early. It’s a terrible thing to think, but at the end of the day, you’re a cop, and you know when your chances aren’t good enough. Right now, they are.

“When he gets here, he will put a bullet in you this time,” you tell Ferguson.

“You stopped him last time,” he answers.

He’s planning to use you as a human shield; let Tim be the one to finish you off in the darkness. Perhaps that’s why you’re underground. The only light you see is from a small lamp; when it goes off, you will be plunged into complete darkness.

“Stop talking,” Ferguson demands as he retrieves his chipmunk. “We don’t have much air in here.”

You try not to let your shock show, but as you look around and fail to see a single air vent, you worry that Tim won’t make it in time. Forcing yourself to take a steady breath, you close your eyes.

“No, no, no,” Ferguson chides. “No napping. We have to stay awake for the pre-game, and the final score.”

He tips your head back, and your eyes open instinctually. When he sees that, he tightens his grip on your jaw and circles you. Looking at him upside-down, you tug against your restraints. He raises a foot and places it on your bound hands before stepping down hard and fast. Your shoulders pull backward at a painful angle with no room that makes you yell in pain. Ferguson’s laugh drowns out your scream, and he keeps his hand on your jaw as he lays a rope over the back of your neck to hang over your shoulders.

“He’s going to kill you,” you say between pants when Ferguson releases your face.

He hinges at his hip, invading your personal space as he smiles and says, “You too.”

“Bradford, there’s blood,” an officer alerts.

Tim steps to your open shop door and sees a few small, oblong blood drops on your seat. Based on the shape, you were in motion when they fell, and it wasn’t enough blood to kill you.

“Probably from the glass,” he decides. “Let’s move toward the reservoir. We can’t tell footprints apart but watch where you’re stepping!”

“Tim!” Lucy yells from just past the tree line.

He jogs to her side and looks down. She found a small, laminated piece of paper, and Tim recognizes it immediately. Your self-proclaimed “perfect fortune” from one of your first dinners together as P2s rather than rookies. He picks it up and looks toward the water. He’s looking in the right place, you made sure to tell him that, but he feels like he’s missing something else.

“Please,” you whimper, even though you know he can’t hear you.

“How many more times do I have to tell you?” Ferguson asks. “He’s not here.”

The only thing on your mind is Tim because if you stop thinking about him you’ll only know the unbearable pain and the man inflicting it. Ferguson places his foot between your legs, pushing against the chair slowly. It tips back, and you close your eyes and imagine Tim catching you. It doesn’t stop the initial pain of your leg being held in one place by the handcuffs as the rest of your body moves back or the scream you release as you hit the floor, but it does give you a reason to keep fighting. Ferguson pulls you up nearly as fast as he tipped you over, and the rope digs in against the side of your neck.

“This is the best workout I’ve ever had,” he says.

He wipes the sheen of sweat from his forehead, and you notice how hot and thick the air seems. Ferguson admitted that the air supply was limited, so if you start wasting it, maybe he will leave.

“If you call him…” you begin slowly. “Let me hear Tim Bradford’s voice one more time, and I will lure him here for you.”

“Do you think I’m dumb?” Ferguson asks.

You nod and immediately regret it when he pulls the rope and forces your head down toward your chest.

“I’m not letting you take control. This is my plan, and it ends beautifully.”

“I can’t do this!” Tim yells.

He runs his hands over the back of his head and down his face as he squats by the reservoir. There are no other hints about where Ferguson took you, nothing to guide Tim toward saving you, only dirt and broken promises. He told you that he wouldn’t let anything happen to you; Tim whispered the promise in the dead of night when you were asleep during an overnight patrol, yet he’s holding himself to keeping it like it will kill him if he doesn’t. Because it will.

“Tim don’t give up yet,” Lucy encourages. She lowers beside him and lays a hand on his back. “We can do this, but we have to work together. The paper means something right? Could it be more than an indication she was here?”

Tim wipes under his eye, and Lucy’s eyes widen as she realizes tears are streaming down his cheeks. He stops them quickly, but she pats his back to remind him he’s not fighting alone. You’re fighting, too, and Tim needs to remember that.

“Lucy, I lo-“ Tim stops suddenly, though Lucy is confident she knows where he was going. “I know what it means.”

He stands quickly, and Lucy follows him to the place where they found the fortune. The little strip of paper from a fortune cookie has been in your pocket since you read it, but not only for the encouraging message on the front.

“34831,” Tim says.

“Your badge number?” Lucy asks, tilting her head to the side. “What about it?”

“It was on the back of my fortune that night. Hers, though, didn’t have a number. So, we wrote one on it.”

“What’s the number?”

“2 25 12 9. I didn’t think she’d know what it meant.”

“What does it mean?”

“It’s an alphabet cypher, but backward.”

“B, Y, L, I,” Tim rattles off. “If she had this, she may have left more clues at those points: 2, 25, 12, and 9.”

“This would have been about 2,” Lucy says, gesturing to the ground. “That’s what, 2 meters from the car?”

Tim furrows his brows at Lucy’s use of meters but nods anyway.

“We can’t walk 25 meters forward, we’d be in the water,” Lucy points out.

“Then we need to spread out in every direction we can go 25 meters… Unless I’m wrong.”

“Don’t question it.”

“No, she would’ve fought. He wouldn’t have been able to make her go anywhere if she wasn’t willing to. We should assume that she couldn’t leave a trail after this point.”

“Then we’re back where we started?”

“Exactly.”

“Tim, what does that even mean?”

“She’s still here. They both are.”

Tim turns and yells for someone to get satellite imaging of the area and the camera footage from your car. Your body cam and police uniform shirt were discarded by the water but the cameras could tell them what happened before and during the initial attack.

“We’ll find her, Tim,” Lucy promises again.

“Thank you,” Tim whispers.

Running footsteps echo over the top of the tin deathtrap you’re in. Someone yells, and Ferguson ducks his head as he moves out of your sight.

“Tim!” you yell.

Your voice cracks, and as you prepare to yell again, Ferguson pulls the rope around your neck. It digs into your skin and compresses your windpipe. Tears begin leaking from your eyes, and after the day you’ve had, you don’t care to stop them.

“Tim, please,” you whisper.

“Welcome to the final round,” Ferguson says into your ear.

He loosens the rope and pushes your chair forward. His foot pulls down against your hands again, pulling your shoulder muscles cruelly as they stretch to accommodate the impossible movement. You scream in agony as Ferguson pushes you past the point he stopped at previously.

“Did you stop to ask yourself what he’s thinking? Wouldn’t he have found you sooner if he cared? I’ve been out long enough that he knew, yet he let you out by yourself,” Ferguson taunts.

“You won’t win,” you say between ragged breaths.

Ferguson pulls your head to the side to hold the whittling knife against your windpipe, and the cut he made earlier pulls open. Your white shirt is stained with blood and tears, and even as your blinks slow and breathing begins to feel impossible, you trust Tim.

“The almighty Tim Bradford isn’t coming to save you. You know why? Because you’re already dead,” Ferguson says.

You force your eyes open and ignore the pain and fear to say, “So are you.”

Throwing your head backward, you ignore the sting of his knife sliding across the tender skin of your neck. Your skull hits Ferguson’s nose, and he staggers backward with a hand holding his face. Suddenly, you can’t pull a full breath into your lungs. Time has run out, and Tim isn’t here yet. You hold your breath as Ferguson stumbles behind you. He drops, and you see his hand and face are covered in blood. His chest rises and falls slowly, but you’re safe until the rest of the oxygen is used up.

“Tim,” you whisper toward the metal sheet above you.

“Wait!” Lucy calls. “The ground is hollow here.”

Tim returns to Lucy’s side and hears his footsteps echo. It sounds like there’s a metal sheeting under the dirt beneath his boots. He raises a hand to call a few officers over before someone screams. It’s muffled by the metal and earth, but it’s a clear sign of pain. Better than that, it means someone is still alive.

“Find a way in,” Tim demands quietly.

As he searches the area around the hollow spot, he wishes to hear your voice again. Not another scream, but an acknowledgement that you survived whatever caused you such agony.

"Bradford!” Janssen calls.

He waves Tim over and points to a small opening. Together, they lift the heavy steel cover away from the round hole. Another barrier of cloth and metal sheets blocks the entrance, and as Tim digs through, he wonders how much air is getting through, if any. The moment he can see inside the fortified bunker, he pulls his weapon and drops silently into the metal housing.

What was likely meant to be a storm shelter has been converted into a survivalist’s nightmare. A small corridor leads to a wider opening, and a dim light is the only sign that anyone is inside. Tim raises his guns and stays ready to shoot as he nears the opening.

“Tim,” you whisper.

Tim hears your voice and doesn’t hesitate to step into the open room and swing his gun as he clears the small, square area. Ferguson lies unconscious in the corner, and Tim can only see your back, the restraints keeping you in place, and the rope loosely wrapped around your neck and shoulders.

Your shoulders shake as you exhale slowly. When you notice that you can breathe again, you take a deep breath before letting your head fall forward.

“Tim,” you repeat, trying not to think of anything else.

Tim says your name as he holsters his gun. You sit up straight and try to turn your head to the side but are stopped by the pull of the rope and the pain in your shoulders. You hiss in pain before returning to your previous position.

“You can’t trick me, Roscoe,” you mumble.

Tim steps toward Ferguson and handcuffs him. He repeats your name as he moves into your line of sight. His hands are raised to his shoulders, though his expression is pure concern. When he sees the blood, sweat, and dirt covering you and your clothes, he has to fight not to rush to your side.

“Tim,” you say again. Your voice is louder than before but still has an untrusting quality. “Tim.”

When you start crying and lean toward Tim, he kneels before you. He reaches down carefully to use his key and remove the handcuff from your ankle. Your head rests on his shoulder as he moves, and when he sees the damage done to your ankle, the swelling, deep bruising, and handcuff-induced gash, he looks back at Ferguson.

Tim sits up slowly and raises a hand toward your face. He pushes your hair back softly and waits until your eyes meet to speak.

“I need to go get backup,” he says.

“No, no! Please don’t leave me, Tim,” you plead through your slowing tears.

You lean forward and wince when your shoulder meets its new range of motion.

“I need to get Ferguson out of here,” Tim explains. “There’s a lot of people above us waiting for me to signal.”

“Tim, please.”

“Can I yell?”

You swallow as Tim moves closer to you. He stops an inch away from you, with your knees almost touching his ribs.

“I’m not going to yell unless you say I can,” he adds.

Tim waits for your nod, then leans away from you slightly to yell for Janssen and Lucy to come in.

“Help me,” you whisper when Tim’s eyes return to you.

He sits back on his heels as he unloops the rope from around you. It’s heavy, and he sees your shoulders drop once it’s away from you. They drop unevenly, though, and he knows you need more help than he can give you.

“I’m staying with you,” Tim promises, “but I have to untie your hands.”

You shake your head quickly, and Tim moves his hands to the sides of your thighs as he agrees not to leave. He asks Lucy to free your hands and keeps his hands on you as Lucy cuts the restraints.

“Thank you,” you say.

Tim doesn’t answer before you pull your arms forward. With them free, you don’t hesitate to raise them and wrap them around his shoulders. It hurts, and you sob as you fall forward and cling to Tim. He welcomes your touch and wraps his arms around your waist, but he doesn’t touch you, too mindful of how injured you are and where those unseen injuries are.

“I knew you’d come,” you say through your tears.

Tim looks over your shoulder as Janssen and a few other officers carry Ferguson to the opening. He should call an EMT to meet you here, but he can’t let you go yet. His grip tightens around your waist without thinking. When your only reaction is relaxing against him, Tim holds you as tightly as he needs to. Your tears are drying, and you turn your face toward Tim’s neck to speak.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t leave more clues,” you begin. “But I knew you didn’t need them.”

“The paper was smart,” Tim replies. “And I will always find you.”

“He wanted to lure you down here and trick you into killing me. Every time I called out for you he reminded me that we would both die.��

Tim exhales deeply, unsure how to tell you he knows you and he’d never make that mistake. He sits back, twisting you so that he’s holding you against his chest rather than letting you support your own weight.

“It hurts,” you say softly.

“Can you get out of here? Go up the ladder?” he asks.

“There’s a ladder?”

Tim’s brows furrow at your question. How did Ferguson get you down here if you weren’t conscious when you came in? He shakes his head; the detectives (and Tim) will look into the details of your abduction later. For now, your safety is the priority.

“Can you climb out?” Tim asks.

“Not without help,” you answer. “I don’t think I can walk.”

Tim looks at your ankle again, and his eyes catch on the fresh blood pooling against your collarbone. He leans closer to you to find the source. When he sees the cut across the front of your neck, he knows you need help sooner rather than later.

“Hold on,” he instructs you.

“I- I can’t move my shoulder.”

Tim lays you against the metal floor and looks at your left shoulder. It’s out of its socket, but Tim can’t risk pushing it back in without knowing if your muscles or ligaments are still intact.

“Please just get me out of here.”

Tim nods and turns around so your hips are beside his shoulders. He leans down and pulls your legs over his shoulder rather than your arms. With one hand pressing your shoulder to your side, Tim stands and pulls you up in a modified fireman’s carry. You stifle the yell that tries to escape, and Tim’s heart breaks when he hears it. He spent so much time fighting, desperate to find you, that he didn’t consider how different things would be when he did.

With the help of Janssen, Nolan, and Lucy, Tim gets you back above ground. He collapses to the ground but makes sure you’re set down with care. You reach out for him immediately, and Tim pulls your chest to his again. The paramedics are close, but until they arrive, Tim will hold you like he never has.

“I’m so sorry,” Tim whispers.

“You found me,” you reply. “You found me.”

Your right hand squeezes Tim’s shirt in your hand as you hold onto him. You didn’t doubt him for a second. Being in his arms gives you the safety and comfort you need to fall apart because you know he’ll hold you together.

“I know what it means,” you say. “Or I think I do. B-Y-L-I; it’s backwards, right?”

Tim nods against you, and you smile through your tears. The paramedics arrive, and you’re carefully removed from Tim’s grasp, though his hand stays in yours. You’re not sure you’ll ever be able to let go, but Tim has already made a new promise, and he won’t leave your side until he’s forced to.

“Where’s Kojo?” you ask as Tim leads you into his house.

“He’s staying with Lucy tonight. He gets excited when he sees you and I didn’t want him to hurt you,” Tim answers.

He guides you to the couch and sits beside you after placing your things in his guest bedroom. Tim refused to let you return to your apartment alone after being discharged from the hospital, and you didn’t need much convincing to stay with him while you heal.

You lean your head against Tim’s shoulder, careful not to jostle your shoulder in its sling. He moves his arm to welcome you closer and tilts his head to rest beside yours.

“It’s I love you backward, right?”

Tim looks down at your hand, surprised to see your fortune in it. He takes it from you and flips it to see his handwriting. He nods and sits up straight. When you turn toward Tim, he wipes under your eyes as if he can still see the tears you cried when he saved you. Your skin is littered with scars and reminders of what Ferguson did to you, but Tim still seems to only see you underneath all of it.

“It’s I love you, Bradford,” he answers. “Whether you wanted that to mean ‘from Bradford’ or something else.”

“I begged for you to save me while I was down there with him.”

“I’m-“

“Don’t apologize. I just- I need you to know I trust you that much because I know you love me. I’ve known for a long time. But I also knew that even if you didn’t find me in time, I would die loving you. And life was worth living because you were in it.”

Tim’s hands rise out of his lap before freezing. He looks down at your neck and back to your eyes before smiling. His eyes look misty, but you know yours are, too, so you decide not to tease him about it this one time.

“I don’t know where I’m supposed to put my hands to kiss you,” he mumbles.

You hold his shoulder as you lean in and kiss him. His hands raise to your waist without thought, and other than the soreness of using your obliques to search for Tim while tied in place, it’s a painless touch. Tim moves slowly and intentionally as he kisses you, reminding you of everything he said and did, even what you weren’t present for.

“I love you, Tim Bradford,” you say against his lips.

“I love you. I will always love you, and I will never lose you again.”

Tim slides the fortune into your pocket as he kisses you again, and every pain and fear you faced disappears because you know Tim will always find you and make you whole.

#hanna writes✯#tim bradford x reader #tim bradford x fem!reader #tim bradford x y/n #tim bradford x you #tim bradford fic #tim bradford imagine #tim bradford the rookie #tim bradford #requests #fem!reader #the rookie abc

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fatuismooches · 11 months

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Been thinking about childhood friend Pantalone and reader, but with kind of a twist. You two are of course the greatest of friends, doing everything together as you've been through thick and thin, the (mostly) bad and (minimal) good times together. And your "friendly" activities also include kissing and holding each other as just "friends." Just hear me out. As you grew older and reached adulthood it was no question that you found your childhood friend quite attractive and those feelings of friendship were slowly budding into ones of love, but there was no way you were going to risk years of friendship over your dumb crush. You were content with the way things were now. Until one day changed everything.

It was honestly just a normal day of dealing with shit in order to get by in the world but you just felt so stressed and done with everything and needed to rant to your friend about everything and anything. And you did, and it probably got more heated than usual but oh well. He didn't respond, and you weren't really expecting one, you were just grateful that he was willing to listen to your ramblings. What you weren't expecting, however, was for him to randomly cup your cheek, the intimate touch surprising you greatly. You were about to question him until he kissed you. Your childhood friend was kissing you, on the lips no less.

It took you a good few seconds to comprehend what was happening but slowly you kissed back. Your friend had to be a natural at kissing, because it felt so pleasurable just to have his lips on yours. When you two pulled away, he asked you if you liked it. You did. He asked you if you felt better. You definitely did. He asked if he could do it again. You let him. And thus began the series of shared touches between you two. Whenever either of you were stressed or down, you two would provide physical affection to each other. Whether that was simple or passionate kisses or comforting all over the other's body. All under the label of "friends." Yes, just friends. Neither of you would speak or bring up the topic during these intimate times.

And you? You were greedy. Greedy, greedy, greedy. You decided that even if he didn't like you like that, you were happy to be touched by him and to touch him. At least, that's what you told yourself in the beginning. Yes, it did feel terribly nice, but it was also beginning to hurt you terribly bad as your feelings of love for your friend were skyrocketing at every passing moment, especially when he held you. Eventually, you couldn't take it anymore and you had to confess.

You blurted out his real name, following with an "I lo-" before your friend's hand quickly covered your mouth, preventing you from finishing your sentence.

"Not now, [Name]."

"Huh...? So you know already? About how I..." your voice died down as heat crept up your face. This was so embarrassing.

"Yes, I do. But I cannot respond to your feelings right now." Those words crushed your heart.

"Oh... I understand. So you don't..." Your friend sighed before he stroked your cheek, beckoning you to look at him again.

"I don't mean it like that. I mean I am not worthy enough to accept your love right now."

"Worthy? But you are! You're so kind and smart and sweet and- just all-around great! How can you not be worthy!" Your friend chuckled in response.

"I'm flattered you feel that way. But I'm afraid I'm nowhere as good of a person as you believe. In fact, although I know I can't have you right now, I'm greedy enough to want to have your affection all to myself." You could only murmur his name on your lips.

"So I ask you, please wait for me so I can become the man you deserve. Will you do that for me, [Name]?" Instead of responding, you pulled him in for an emotional kiss that spoke your answer instead.

It would have to do for now.

#smooches talks #pantalone love notes <3 #this was longer than what i meant to write...#ive been neglecting pantalone im so sorry #see u in two years pookie <33 #i need to know his real name so badly bro #pantalone x reader

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earl-grey-teacake · 6 months

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Baby!Oscar + Carlando snippet

I have neglected them long enough in my Baby!Loscar AU!

Oscar is about 7 months in this.

Pancakes

Oscar loved solid food. He loved mashed-up sweet potatoes and pasta and everything that Carlos made for him. That also included these warm, squishy brown cakes put in front of him.

"Here you go, Oscar. These are pancakes."

They smelled really good and sweet. They also felt squishy like some of the toys he had. Immediately, he grabbed a of chunk of pancakes and shoved it into his mouth. It was like the first time Uncle Daniel gave him chocolate. With the fervor of a starving man, Oscar shoved more of the cakes into his mouth until the 2 squishy treats were off the plate.

"Uhhhh!" He wanted more.

"Oh, you really liked them didn't you?" Lando laughed, reaching over to wipe his mouth.

However, like an addict, Oscar reached over and took a fistful of pancakes from Lando's plate and shoved it in his mouth.

"Hey, that's mine!"

****

Battery

Carlos's phone-0%

Carlos's iPad- 0%

Lando phone- 0%

Lando's iPad- 0%

Oscar stared at the black screen and the empty battery sign flashing in his face.

"Oscar, you have to let them charge." Carlos tried to coax Oscar away from the charging station.

"uhhhhhh!" Oscar, however, only flailed his arms and legs.

It was his time to talk to Logan. The rule was after lunch, he would take his afternoon nap and once he woke up, he could Facetime Logan. However, his parents got carried away with work so by the time he woke up, everything was out of battery.

"Oscar, they won't charge if you stare at them," Carlos said, carrying the baby away from the wires and wall sockets.

"Lo! Lo!" Oscar reached out and cried.

“I know, I know,” Carlos patted him on the back to comfort him. “Dad and I messed up. We’re very sorry. After they’re charged, you can talk to Oscar, okay?”

****

Stuffed Animal ext.

Oscar wanted to cry. He clung tightly to the wet, brown bear with the blue ribbon tied around its neck. He was practically laying on top of it so Carlos wouldn't take it away.

"Oscar, it's very dirty. We have to wash it." Carlos spoke firmly on the matter.

"Come on, Oscar. We'll give it back right away." Lando said, trying to roll Oscar over so they could get the toy.

No, Oscar could not give it to them. This was Logan's bear and he gave it to Oscar. Oscar had to protect it so Logan could come back.

That reason was sadly not shared by his parents who wrangled the bear from his grip and tossed it in the washing machine.

"WAHHHH!" Oscar yelled as he saw the machine fill up with water and the bear float amongst the soapy bubbles. Oscar stayed there, watching through the glass for the water to drain and for him to get the bear back.

"Oh, is it done?" Carlos walked over and gently picked Oscar up and opened the door.

Oscar reached his hands out for the sopping-wet bear only to have it pulled away from him and tossed in the dryer.

“AHHHH!”

****

All Together

Oscar’s crib was in his parent’s room at the end of the wall. They had tried to have a separate nursery for him but the constant waking up and the anxiety of having their child in another room all alone was too much for their anxiety. Usually, Oscar was great at sleeping, he loved sleeping. You could lay him down, turn off the lights and he would be knocked out in less than 10 minutes. Today seemed to be an exception since it was two hours past his bedtime and Carlos was still unable to put him down for bed. He was relentless in his refusal to sleep and Carlos was running out of options. He was also starting to get very tired due to an early morning.

“Please, baby. What do you want?” Carlos pleaded as Oscar crawled around on the bed and settled on Lando’s pillow.

“Do you want Lando? Do you want Dad here?” Carlos asked as Oscar hugged the pillow tightly before rolling over and laughing.

“Come on, let’s go get your dad.” Carlos picked Oscar up and walked over to Lando’s office where the sound of yelling and laughter could be heard through the door.

Oscar loved his dad’s office. There was so much cool stuff in it and he loved pretending to drive on the sim even if he was too little to actually use it. Lando opened the door and poked his head out, “Hey, what’s up?”

“Oscar wants you to go to bed. He won’t sleep without you.”

“Aww, Oscar. Did you miss me?” Lando cooed, carefully angling his head so Oscar did not appear on the camera. He was always careful about how and when Oscar would show up on his stream. “I’ll wrap it up and go to bed in 5 minutes, okay Osc?” Lando tickled him under his chin, causing him to squirm and turn his head away.

****

Night Driving

Oscar, despite his pickiness and his very early dislike of Carlos, actually liked Carlos. In fact, Lando would argue Carlos was the favorite right now since any attempt to put Oscar down to sleep was met by incredibly loud wailing. Thankfully the apartment had thick walls or else the neighbors would be complaining. Still, it was 1:00 AM and Lando desperately wanted to go to bed. Oscar, however, couldn’t care less what his dad wanted and was more focused on showing off his lung capacity.

“Please, Oscar.” Lando wanted to cry. He wanted to go to bed and nothing he was doing was soothing his poor baby.

“WAHHHH!” Oscar wanted both his dad’s in the room. That was how things always were. Both of them would kiss him good night, tell him they loved him, and then go to bed. However, Carlos was in Maranello which means no good night kiss for Oscar and no “I love you”. How else was Oscar supposed to react knowing that his Papa didn’t love him?

“Okay, let’s try this.” Lando looked up from his phone and grabbed a thick blanket, wrapping Oscar in it.

Oscar looked around confused as they made their way to the parking garage and got into Lando’s car. Lando placed Oscar in the car seat and placed the blanket on him. Oscar was less than pleased. He went from crying over Carlos not being here to being put into a car seat. He hated the car seat.

“Wahhh!”

“I know. I know, baby but trust me.” Lando started the car and pulled out of the garage, traversing along the dark, empty street of Monaco where their only companions were the street lights and the stars above. Lando didn’t know how long he drove but at some point, the crying quieted down and by the time he pulled back to the garage, Oscar was completely knocked out.

"You like the car, huh?" Lando laughed softly as he carried Oscar back to the apartment. "That's good. You're just like your dads."

****

Cheerleader

Lando was training with Jon when Oscar crawled in. He had woken up from his nap on the play mat and crawled over to see what his dad was doing.

“Oh, hi Oscar,” Jon greeted the baby. Oscar wandered in like he owned the place and plopped himself in front of Lando, who was in the middle of doing a set of push-ups.

“Ba! Ba! Ba!” Oscar clapped as Lando finished a set.

“Aw, look you have your own cheerleader.” Jon laughed as Lando lay on the floor exhausted.

“Hi Oscar, did you have a good nap?” Oscar smiled and reached over to pat Lando on the head.

“Aw, look at how encouraging he is. Come on, you can finish two more sets.”

Lando, however, only rolled on his back and groaned. “Ugh! I’m tired.”

Oscar, however, was having none of it and clapped his hands again. He came for a show. He wanted to see his dad do all these cool things Oscar couldn’t do. “Bah! Bah!”

"You want to help?" Lando grabbed his baby and laid Oscar on his chest and started to lift him up in the air.

"Just two sets of this right?" Lando asked as Oscar squealed in delight.

****

If you want more of the little snippets or just want the full story of the snippet, feel free to ask!!! 🥰

#f1 rpf #f1 rpf fic #lando norris #carlando #carlos sainz #Baby!Oscar #Baby!Loscar

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canonicallyobserving911 · 4 months

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Buddie: Has Eddie realized the Buck and Kim parallels yet?

Buck and Kim (Shannon's doppelgänger) are MIRROR IMAGES of each other! Also, Buck's right in front of Eddie and Kim was positioned to be the mirror so he could see who he's been wanting since he moved to Los Angeles and the person he wants is Buck.

There were a lot of references to season 2 in 7x9 and I might expound on all of them at some point but this post is solely about the similarities between Buck and Kim and the familiarity Eddie sees when he looks at her since he's already found everything he wants and needs in Buck but won't allow himself to have.

Full disclosure: Before I delve into this, I must admit how much I hate this "Vertigo" BS storyline they gave Eddie and I've posted about it many times because IMO he deserves better than an emotional cheating arc. But since TM (showrunner) is hellbent on incorporating DK into these episodes, it doesn't appear there's anything that can be done except fast forward through them like I did early this morning when I finally watched the episode. One more thing, I HATED the way they let Chris see Eddie with Kim. He's traumatized enough and I don't know if it was done for shock value or WTF but that was low for 9-1-1 standards and it shouldn't have been included.

Now back to the regularly scheduled program...

In 7x9, the scene with Buck and Kim at the firehouse allowed Buck to come face to face with a doppelgänger version of the person (Shannon) who still haunts both Eddie's and Chris' lives. Also, she represents the person Buck believes will always stand in the way of him stepping all the way in with Eddie so he can become his husband and a second father to Chris.

Now, I'll be honest, I watched the scene with Buck and Kim three times for several reasons but mainly because I noticed the show was trying to illustrate more than just Eddie's cheating. The truth is Buck's and Kim's scene should have DEMONSTRATED TO VIEWERS how Kim is a direct reflection and a representation of everything Eddie's already found and built with Buck, i.e., future spouse, lover, coparent for Chris and the family he chose. Basically, Buck's his everything but Eddie won't allow himself to feel it (believe he can have him).

When Buck came face to face with Kim, he stopped in his tracks and his breath caught in his throat because he thought he was looking at a ghost. Kim reminds him of the woman he believes Eddie will NEVER let go of/get over so they can be together and I can prove it with the images of them facing each other.

Ever since the BTS pics were released of Kim/Shannon, I wondered why her hair was blonde instead of brown. I figured it might be related to something but at the time I didn't know what. Now, IIRC, in the early part of season 1, Buck's hair was reddish blonde but for some reason, he dyed it and it's more of a dirty blonde now. Some people debate over the color of Buck's hair; however I'm not doing that here since it's not the point of this post. Furthermore, several Buddie shippers have commented on the gray/white streak in Kim's hair and they did the research that it's a birthmark. There have been several posts on it and the authors of them have commented that it's on the wrong side for her head for it to mimic Buck but I beg to differ.

When they faced each other (reminder Buck was never shown talking to Shannon in season 2; he saw her but they never interacted in CANON) their birthmarks were aligned. His is on the left side of his head and hers is on the right side but when they're facing, they line up. Additionally, Buck's lips are pink and IIRC, Shannon never wore bright red lipstick but Kim did. Buck and Kim (Shannon) all have blue eyes and everyone who watches the show should know Eddie loves looking at Buck the same way he said he liked looking at Kim. If these aren't parallels that show Eddie has found everything he wants and needs in Buck, then the writers should be replaced because they wrote it like this.

Why are these things important?

They're important because for the entirety of season 7, the show has gone above and beyond to show viewers how Buck, Eddie and Chris are ALREADY a family. Additionally, their screentime also illustrates how Buck is already one of Chris' three parents and it began in 7x1.

The three pictures above show Buck, Eddie and Shannon sitting on the same spot of Chris' bed. Please note: this is not an illusion for Buddie Shippers, it's all right above in the photos and the show orchestrated this the same way they did Buck's and Kim's similarities.

Did the show do a good job of illustrating how Eddie wants to be with Buck instead of Kim? It's debatable especially for those who are CHOOSING not to see it but the intentions were crystal clear. Buck being face to face with Kim was INTENTIONAL and the show didn't do anything to deter the parallels and similarities between them, as a matter of fact, they highlighted them.

While Eddie and Kim were in the boat, he said, "Maybe I just like looking at you" but who has EDDIE ALWAYS GIVEN "HEART EYES" TO? BUCK!

Other than the pictures of Eddie and Shannon that Eddie keeps gazing at with longing, he rarely looked at Shannon with heart eyes.

The additional pictures below show how Buck and Kim mirror each other. When they're facing their birthmarks are on the same side. Also, Kim's even wearing a striped shirt which is reminiscent of the striped shirt Buck wore during the shooting but the differences are his stripes were vertical while hers were horizontal and her stripes are bolder/thicker. (Please note, she was wearing like three shirts/tops so it must have been intentional and her shirts were navy-blue and blue which is the same color as the Buckley-Diaz family color.)

Eddie loves everything about Buck and he loves him so much that he put him in his will and named him to be Chris' legal guardian. He gave Buck his heart years ago because he believes Buck wont break it like Shannon did. In 3x8, he told Bobby, Shannon broke Chris' heart (Eddie's heart) when she left but just like always, Eddie's choosing to see the good while ignoring all the bad stuff that was included in their relationship. She literally asked him for a divorce but after all these years, he's still searching for the perfect "woman" to fill Shannon's shoes when he already has everything he's searching for in Buck.

Some viewers think Eddie doesn't know he's in love with Buck but I beg to differ. I believe he does know but due to his religious beliefs, he won't allow himself to want him. Also, Buck believes Shannon will always be the person who blocks/prevents or stops him from being with Eddie since after all these years, Eddie hasn't moved on from her. However, Buck knows the truth about Eddie's relationship with Shannon because Eddie told him about it in 2x10 and it's evident Buck knows she abandoned them by the way he apologized to Eddie in 3x9 for abandoning him and Chris during the lawsuit.

The point of this post is to illustrate the way 9-1-1 allowed Buck to come face to face with Kim in an episode that's all about ashes. Also, the haunted look on his face (Shannon reappeared in Eddie's and Chris' lives in 2x7 Haunted) showed how Buck's not sure if he'll ever be able to be who Eddie wants since Eddie hasn't moved on from the woman he dated when he was 18 years old.

One good thing that happened in the $hitshow that's this raggedy ass storyline is, Kim/Shannon told Eddie he needs to "Let her go" and hopefully, he FINALLY WILL!

Before I end this post, I have to include my continued belief in my Buddie Crack Theory because there were even more things in 7x9 that furthered my belief in Buck still being in his coma dream. I haven't decided if I'll post the details yet because there are a lot of them and I don't want to do a long post, so I'll have to determine how I want to proceed with it.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #911 abc #911 on abc #911 meta #911 spoilers #911 season 7 speculation #911 season 7 #shannon diaz #anti eddieshannon #anti shannon diaz #911 speculation

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captain-mj · 6 months

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Celebration or Funeral

Graves invites the crew out to a bar for seemingly no reason and hopefully no ulterior motives.

Price was dumbfounded at the audacity honestly. Graves had sent out an invite to the 141 and Alejandro and Rodolfo. Even included plus ones if they had a partner to bring.

He didn't understand at all. It was so bizarre. The invitation was safe. They had a team to check for anthrax and the like. But everything had been given the seal of approval.

There was a time, date, location, even coordinates in case they didn't know the place. He had checked. It was a bar in Texas that was close enough to the border that the Los Vaqueros wouldn't have to travel too far from home. It was close to where they had chased Hassan originally.

The 141 would have to fly of course, but that's cause they were stationed in Urzikstan at the moment.

Price mentioned it offhandedly to Farah, planning to toss it out and never ever seeing that traitor again.

But Farah had smiled at him. "Oh! Yeah, Alex and I were going to go. I'm glad Phillip decided to invite you guys."

"Phillip? You guys are on first name basis now?"

She frowned at him, immediately looking displeased. "Price, remember what we talked about. We've been working together for a while now."

"You can't trust him."

"I never said I did. I simply ask you trust me." Farah huffed. "And I will be going to their outing. He does this with his closest Shadows often and Alex and I always have a nice time. Maybe you all need to come along. It might be good to clear the air since we will continue to work with each other."

Price really wished he could convince Farah to stop working with him, but if she insisted on doing so, he would be there. "Fine. I'll come."

The other three agreed to come immediately, not wanting Price to walk into an ambush, relatively, alone.

The plane ride was... uncomfortable to say the least.

Ghost was currently glowering at Alex who kept glancing over at him and grimacing. He'd sigh passive aggressively and Alex would turn around to glare at him back.

"And why are those two acting like jilted lovers?" Price aske Gaz and Soap.

"Oh, Alex said he and Graves had become friends and Ghost is made because the two of them and Alejandro are friends. He considers it a betrayal to their friendship." Gaz explained.

"Ah. Are you also upset, Soap? You did get shot."

Soap nodded. "Well. I am pissed. But with Makarov around, Graves helping Farah to fight him, and him betraying Shepherd to throw him under the buss, I'm trying to stay level headed about it."

It was a shockingly grounded take. Price wished he could do the same. Inside, the anger was too hot. Too volatile. He didn't know what it was about Graves that just got under his skin, but forgiveness wasn't on the table.

Honestly he wanted to just beat him into the ground. Hurt him like he had hurt Soap and Ghost in Los Almas. Like he had hurt the Vaqueros.

He felt like a rabid dog when he thought of it. Normally, he was so much better at keeping his emotions in check.

Farah patted him suddenly and he glanced up at her. "Do you want a drink, old man?"

"Yeah. I could use one." He stood up and followed her to the cabin. The plane used to be a private one, but it had been repurposed for Farah and her Freedom Fighters. It was better for long distances than a helicopter and it had better optics when they had to make speeches or talk with government operations.

Farah didn't keep much alcohol on board, but she did keep a thing of whiskey for the two of them to share. She poured them both a glass and he took it from her gratefully.

"I understand why you're upset."

"And I understand why you're working with him." Price interrupted. "I do. I promise. It's just an adjustment. Especially finding out you socialize with him."

"Mostly I socialize with Oz actually."

"Oz?"

"His second in command! He's great. Very cool. He's shown me how to play video games." Farah smiled so softly, almost like she was embarrassed.

Price smiled a little himself, thinking of Farah being... normal. She had fought for so long. Her entire childhood spent in hell. If she enjoyed spending time with this "Oz" guy, he must not be awful. "Okay. I'm going to give all of them a chance, alright?''

"Thank you, Price. I do appreciate it." Farah squeezed his arm. "Really. I hope we can all work amicably."

They settled back down with the others and rested for this rest of the plane ride.

The moment they touched down, Farah and Alex were quickly getting out. Price bit his tongue and hung back, the 141 one quickly following his lead, even though Gaz did glance at Alex and Alex did glance back.

"Try to play nice. No unnecessary fights." Price ordered, patting Gaz's back.

"Aye, Captain." Soap responded.

Ghost stayed very quiet, only giving the slightest nod.

"At ease."

They didn't really separate. Maybe it was unease at being on unfamiliar turf or the fact that they were all enemies.

Alejandro was smoking near his car, Rudy at his right. His body language shifted, relaxing at the same time the grin appeared on his face. "Hermanos!"

Soap smiled. "Alejandro, Rodolfo. Long time no see."

Alejandro grabbed his hand and pulled him into a hug. Soap did the same with Rodolfo.

Gaz nodded at them. "Colonel Vargas. Sergeant Major Parra."

"I feel we're on a first name by now, Sergeant Garrick." Rodolfo smiled at him. "Nice to see you again."

Alejandro nodded but jumped into business. "Our invitation said this was an... apology. You guy's mention anything about this?"

"No. Just an invitation."

"Interesting. Let's head inside."

The bar itself was full of people. It took Price a moment before he realized it, but, with the exception of the bartender, every person in the room was a Shadow. All of them were in civvies, but he recognized a few of them from chance in encounters. They all talked about their work with no issues.

Alex had a cowboy hat on. For some reason, this was something he noticed immediately. He was currently downing a pint, trying to drink it faster than a dark haired woman who was currently beating him.

Farah was chatting animatedly with a giant man with strange makeup on. HIs hair was set up a bit like a vikings would be. He was smiling at her and nodding excitedly.

Price didn't like it.

The giant man looked at him and quickly looked... embarrassed? It was an odd look on such a big man.

Farah followed his gaze and waved Price over. He quietly walked over, keeping an eye out on everyone. Most people were drunk or getting there so there weren't many threats.

Oz smiled at him, standing up. Price didn't like that he had to tilt his head up to look him in the eye.

"It is nice to meet you, Captain. You too, Colonel. The rest of you." Oz seemed unsure of himself.

"Oz, I'm assuming?"

"Yes, sir." Oz nodded.

Farah smiled. "We were talking about a game he showed me! It's called Terraria. It's so much fun!"

"Now, Osmond." There was that familiar accent. Graves was smiling, looking... stupidly casual. A flannel shirt, tight jeans, a belt buckle. A walking stereotype of American. "Please tell me you haven't converted Farah to your nerdy shit."

"Hey!" Farah defended him. "It's fun!"

Graves shook his head, a bright blush on his face from intoxication. "Whatever you say, ma'am." He looked at them. For a moment, he made eye contact with Price and it was like a lightning bolt. But then his eyes skipped right over to him to Alejandro. He took a deep breath. "It's nice to see you again, Colonel. And you, Sergeant Major."

"The feeling is not mutual."

Graves stepped a bit closer, on the very edge of his personal space. "Alright. Hit me."

Alejandro frowned.

"One free hit. Consider it the start of us getting even with each other. There's no guns in here. No one is going to stop you and I'm not going to hit you back. So, hit me."

Alejandro weighed his options for a split second before socking Graves so hard on the side of his jaw that Oz had to catch him before he stumbled.

Graves took a split second, blinking involuntary tears from his eyes. He faced him again. "Great. Your drinks are on us." Despite the freshly blooming bruise, he still managed a rather charming smile.

Alejandro shook his head but stepped back. Rudy didn't.

"Only fair I let you have one, yeah?" Graves smiled right before Rodolfo hit him hard in the stomach.

"Stay out of Los Almas." Rudy hissed to him.

"I was planning on it, amigo." Graves managed to straighten up after a minute. "You four aren't getting a hit."

"Gonna let me shoot you later?" Soap growled at him.

Graves laughed. "Nah. Have as many shots as you want though." He nodded at them and walked away, clearly hurting a little but playing it off.

Price ordered the most expensive whiskey available. He downed a shot, keeping an eye on Graves as he went to each table. His hands touched every Shadow's shoulder. It was a light touch but Price recognized it. He did the same thing when the 141 came back from missions. A light touch to let him know they were alive.

"John." Simon muttered. "How are we feeling?"

"I'm following the Colonel's lead. He seems to be trying to run up a tab. I'm going to do the same. Farah also seems... happy. A normal friendship outside of the military will be good for her. Or as close as this is."

Ghost nodded and sat next to him. They observed them for a good minute before Gaz slunk to Price's other side. Soap was mingling.

There was country music playing. It sounded modern, but Price didn't exactly listen to the genre. He sighed and ordered another whiskey, hoping to keep himself just drunk enough to relax but not so drunk he couldn't fight.

As the songs flipped through, Price got tipsy enough to mildly enjoy himself. His friends had left him at some point, not too far away, just around.

Something came on the radio and Graves climbed on to a table. The top few buttons of his shirt had been undone and he was panting a little bit.

"Turn that motherfucker off!"

"Come on, Graves it's just one song!"

"No! I've hated that motherfucker for ages and suddenly he wants to prounce around like a little bastard. That motherfuckers went to a fucking private school! Get his ass off my radio!" Graves hissed.

Price swallowed thickly. Maybe it was the whiskey, of which he was a few glasses down. Maybe it was the sudden anger and passion in his face. But he felt flushed from more than alcohol.

The next song, which sounded like a love ballad to him, seemed to please Graves who started to sing along. Despite the table being wooden, it held his weight as he stomped his boots on it. He smiled brightly as he did and someone handed him a whiskey bottle to drink during the chorus.

Price made eye contact with him and quickly glanced around to talk to his team.

HIs team which was not there.

Ghost and Simon had started to banter, making fun of people in the room despite never looking away from each other.

Gaz, who now had that cowboy hat on, had gotten swept up in Alex, the two of them currently dancing. Alex was a little out of step, his prosthetic leg probably making it harder.

Farah was now dancing with one of the pretty Shadows. The two of them twirling around.

Even Alejandro and Rodolfo were staring at each other, Rudy's hand was on Alejandro's chest.

Fuck. He didn't have anyone around.

Price looked back up at Graves who had looked away but somehow a few more of his buttons had come undone. His head tilted back, showing off a pretty neck. Fuck, his chest was heaving, breath puffing out of him.

They were making eye contact again. Graves licked his bottom lip and drank more of his whiskey.

Price got up and went to the bathroom. He took off his hat for a moment and splashed his face with water to try to sober up a little.

"Price." That fucking accent sounded from behind him. Maybe he should've hid in one of the stalls. But that would've felt juvenile.

"Graves." He looked in the mirror at him.

The man smiled. "Sorry if I'm interrupting. You alright?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I?" Price growled out, watching those red cheeks got redder.

Graves shrugged a little. "Don't know. Maybe I'm projecting on ya a little." He looked away, drinking more of the bottle.

"I'm angry."

"is it all at me?"

"No. Not just you." Price sighed and straightened up. He walked over until he was standing over him. Graves straightened up a little but he let Price take the bottle from his hand. His eyes followed his lips as he took a long drink.

Graves sighed. "Good?"

"Cheap tasting." Price tried to tease him, but it fell flat.

The pretty blue eyes peering up at him wouldn't let him go. It was infuriating. He found himself leaning down, lips pressing against Graves's, tasting the whiskey off of them. His tongue darted out to deepen it. For a blissful moment, his mouth opened up to let Price in.

Then he was turning away. "This isn't going to fuck up your team, is it?"

Price blinked and it was like reality slammed into him. "It is."

Graves smiled sadly. "John, I'd love to. But I'd be a right ass fucking up what you got going on. I think I've done enough damage."

"It'd feel great. God, I'd treat you right."

He laughed and Price felt his stomach clench. The rest of the whiskey bottle was slipped into his hand. They shared another kiss, tongues chasing each other.

"If you're sober, and still want to, go ahead and call me."

#cod #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #Phillip graves #Price x Graves #Graves x Price #Captain John Price #jason aldean hater #kyle gaz garrick

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supernovafics · 1 year

Text

series masterlist | next part

pairing: modern!actor!steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 1.3k words

warnings: explicit language

summary: a lunch that was supposed to take your mind off of work brings about even more stress because it turns out you're the only solution to the one problem you wish you didn't have to handle

PROLOGUE | ❝𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒐 𝒐𝒏❞

There were certain moments in your life that felt like defining moments. Moments that you’d later look back on and fully understand just how impactful they were in the grand scheme of things.

Those instances were a rarity, but when they would happen, they were painstakingly obvious. It was almost as if you could feel some sort of shift happening. Your life beginning to turn in a specific direction that, as it’s happening, you could never tell if it’s good or bad, but you knew that you’d probably find out sooner rather than later. It was always a weird feeling, a little jarring.

You experienced that exact feeling at lunch with Jessie— your longtime friend and current Director of the movie you were working on as the Production Coordinator. The lunch was supposed to be simple, and it started out as such; the weather in Los Angeles was nice and surprisingly not unbearably hot for mid-April, which made you both sit outside of a cafe that was almost always busy, but they served the best sandwiches so it made sense.

It felt good to have at least a small break from all of the pre-production tasks that had been consuming pretty much every single moment of your last few days. The closer actual filming got, the more hectic everything else seemed to get.

And it seemed as if that sentiment was proven to be even more true when Jessie told you something that turned the simple lunch into anything but simple.

“You’re joking, right?” Was your immediate reaction.

Everything she had said to you had to be a joke because there was no way that she was asking you, or more so telling you, that you’d be Steve Harrington’s assistant for the next three months.

But, you also fully knew that it couldn’t be a joke because it sounded both insanely unbelievable and way too real to just be some joking story that Jessie cooked up in her mind.

Steve’s assistant, who was six months pregnant, would be on bed rest for the entirety of her final trimester due to stress. And because of the untimeliness of that situation, she had no time to hire a replacement for the time being; which, of course, included the three months of filming that was set to begin in a week. And that was sadly where you came in because, like most Hollywood actors, Steve could not function without an assistant, and that sent Jessie and the producers that had invested so much in the film into a frenzy because he was now close to pulling out of doing the movie if he didn’t have a good assistant for the duration of filming.

All of that sounded the perfect amount of insane to be true.

“You’re the only person that I trust doing this,” Jessie told you, further confirming that all of this was not some sort of sick and twisted joke.

You simply looked at her for a few moments before responding. “He’s notoriously known as an asshole, Jessie.”

You had already been mentally preparing for having to deal with him in passing while on set, and now apparently you were going to have to deal with him even more than you anticipated. The thought made you want to scream.

“You’re the only person that I believe will be able to fully handle him,” She said. “And most of the stuff he asks you to do, like getting lunch or coffee or whatever, can be pawned off to some production assistant. But I know that if I just assigned a random PA to him, they’d fold under the pressure because, yes, he’s an asshole, and they’d probably cry at the first shitty thing he says to them. And I know you won’t because you’ve been in this industry long enough and have probably dealt with people worse than him.”

You hated how much sense that made. But still, you couldn’t accept it all just yet. Your job consisted of you solving problems or trying to stop them before they’d arise, so of course you’d attempt to solve this.

However, you quickly failed to think of any solution because every potential solution you thought of only led to another problem.

If you let him quit the movie that would be horrific because production would be pushed back a handful of months and a shit ton of money would be lost. And it also sucked that he was actually an insanely good actor and was probably the perfect person for the role.

Or if you waited until he found a replacement assistant that met his “perfect standards” or whatever else— which with the way he seemed, sounded like it would take weeks upon weeks— the same issue would happen of filming being stalled and money going right down the drain.

There really was only one solution to the problem, and it truly sucked that you were it.

“You can say no,” Jessie told you, putting a pause on your thoughts, and before you could tell her that there was actually no way you could say no, she continued. “But, if you do this, I promise I will make you the Assistant Director on my next movie, which is going to be filming in Europe for six months right after this shoot ends.”

“No way.”

Jessie nodded at your surprised words. “Yes, I found out about it a couple days ago. The original director they had backed out, so they asked me and I actually really love the script so I said yes. And before they started looking for a new AD too, I told them that I already had the perfect person in mind.” She smiled at you, and hearing how much she believed in you never failed to make you want to cry at least a little bit. From years ago at your first real paid job in the film industry where you were a PA on a movie that she had been the Assistant Director on, she completely saw your potential and never failed to tell you that. “And I know you’ll absolutely kill that job just like you’ll kill this whole being his assistant thing while also doing your actual job.”

That was where you felt it. The shift. That weird feeling hitting you like a ton of bricks as you considered Jessie’s words and let them fully sink in.

You pushed around some of the last bits of food left on your plate before looking up at your friend. “He knows that being his assistant won’t be my only job, right? That I’ll have a shit ton of other things on my plate during filming.”

“I’ll make sure he knows that,” Jessie said with a nod. “The assistant part of this doesn’t take precedence over you being the production coordinator. That’s much more important.”

“Okay… Okay, good,” You responded and then after a breath of silence you let out a sigh. “I’ll do it. Of course, I know I have to; there’s really no other options. But, I won’t like it one bit, and I reserve the right to be mad at you for making me do this for, at least, the next twelve hours.”

She laughed at that. “Yes, I fully deserve that.”

“But, before I allow myself to be mad at you I first have to say that I love you and I can’t believe you think I’m good enough to be AD, and thank you so much.” You said and then took a long sip from your refilled drink that had yet to be touched in the past ten minutes. “I’m experiencing so much emotional whiplash right now I feel like my mind is gonna explode.”

“You deserve it,” She said and then let out a small laugh. “Not the emotional whiplash. I meant the job. And even if you said no to being Steve's assistant for filming, I obviously would still want you to do this. You’re the only person I could imagine doing this.”

You let her words sit with you as the two of you finished the rest of your lunch, the conversation happily shifting to something that was not work related. And you continued to let them sit with you once you both parted ways and you were in your car.

You thought about how you knew this would be a moment you’d think back to years down the road because of how much was about to change.

Once you made it through these three months you’d move onto doing something that you never even imagined yourself doing, but you felt completely ready to take the leap.

That felt pretty defining.

Still, though, you first had to survive three months of being Steve Harrington’s assistant, and that sounded like it would be hell.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

next part!

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington series #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fic #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you #stranger things fic #stranger things imagine #stranger things series #stranger things smut #stranger things fluff

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sungnxxn · 3 months

Text

ALLODOXAPHOBIA al-lo-dox-a-pho-bi-a is the fear of opinions. This phobia can manifest as a fear of being pressured by the opinions and expectations of others, including friends.

[college student!p.sh x female college student!reader] Genre: Angst Word Count: 1,135 Notes: BREAK UP!! (even two); Sunghoon is a jerk (ok,, ig??); written in third person; both Sunghoon and Jungwon are on the same Basketball Team; female!reader has kind of unhealthy coping mechanism; English is not my first language,, so bear with my grammar/spelling mistakes; inspired by the song: pale honey-friends PHULEASE,, read the authors note at the end,, shank yewww !!! DO NOT REPOST NOR TRANSLATE WITHOUT PERMISSION !!! :NOW PLAYING: 🎧 Pale Honey - Friends 🎸

1:19 ───|────── 4:09

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

A month had passed. Exactly a month since that one unfortunate night when their relationship ended. Since then, she had finally allowed herself to feel and breathe freely. She permitted herself to identify the sadness, the anger, the disgust, and the deep emptiness within her. Yet, she also granted herself healing and the assurance of her own presence and peace of mind. She made the decision to avoid any interactions with him at all costs, just to let herself breathe.

I set myself free in my own time now I'm all alone I really don't mind

At some point, she found herself in the stands of the basketball hall, there to show her support for Jungwon - her best friend of six years — who was ready to have a match with his team against the opposing school. As she sat there, she overheard some girls sitting in front of her gossiping about her and Sunghoon's past relationship.

Apparently, every time Sunghoon is asked about the reason for their breakup, he either shrugs it off by telling others that they didn't share the same trajectory or, if he's constantly pressed about it, he says they broke up because of a lack of time due to their tight schedules and exams. What a lie.

but would you leave it out when you tell everyone about us so much went so wrong between me and you

Trying to ignore the recently received information, she cheered silently for her best friend throughout the whole match, yet she was not able to shrug off the memories of her breakup with Sunghoon. Sunghoon has always been a man of pride, whether it was his grades, his looks, or his family's wealth. He always had everything he wanted. Yet, the only thing he did not have was a significant other. While all his friends were bragging about their relationships, Sunghoon could not help but feel pressured and down. So he decided to date her.

They met in a shared chemistry class, where Sunghoon desperately looked for a girl he could pick to be his girlfriend. He flashed his beautiful smile at her and arranged to meet up frequently, whether it was for their studies, the music they shared, or simply each other's presence. At first, he thought the feelings would come after a while, but they didn't, and he did not want to deal with that issue any further. He chose to ignore the tenderness and kept on feeding the facade of being in love.

After a while of dating, Sunghoon's constant way of vaunting about his girlfriend to his friends became very stressful and bothersome to her. She could not stand the pressure of always being the center of attention around his friends. She elected to calmly confront her boyfriend about the struggle she had been hiding deep down, which resulted in a heated argument. Sunghoon revealed his real intentions about their relationship, explaining how he just wanted to boost his self-esteem, to feel less left out, less pressured, and not embarrassed around his friends for not having a girlfriend.

She could not believe nor process the words that spilled from his mouth, so she just stared at him in disbelief. Sunghoon, not able to stand her silence, told her how much he cherished her just as a trophy to show around his friends, without having any strings attached. Soon after, she made the decision to end their relationship. Unable to look at his face anymore, she spared no time and stormed out of his college room to go to her own. Tears threatened to spill out, yet she did not cry. She did not want to cry. Arriving in her own room, she blocked his number and decided to go to sleep, just to ignore her own salty eyes.

now that it's done you can tell all your friends

After the match ended with a win for her school's team, everyone cheered loudly while she just smiled proudly at her best friend. The basketball players approached the stands, and in the crowd of the team, she noticed a familiar face—not her best friend's, but her ex-boyfriend's—Sunghoon. Sunghoon, running ahead of himself towards the stands, smiled brightly and hugged a tall and slim female figure, then a moment later, kissed her passionately. Seeing this, she looked quite shocked and felt a little bit hurt, but she hoped he treated that girl differently than he had treated her.

without me around you can take turns with everyone

Some time passed. Just as she was about to exit the toilet stall, she heard a girl running and crying into the stall next to hers, disrupting her peace. She decided to stay quiet, not wanting to startle the girl. Accidentally, she overheard the girl talking to someone on the phone. Through tears, the girl explaines how much she loved a boy and how hurt she felt after an argument a few minutes ago over a minor inconvenience. The girl continued, describing how the boy had said hurtful things to her, claiming he did not love her and that she was useless, only seen as another trophy by him. Hearing this, she froze on the spot, her own breakup suddenly flooding back to her.

She exited the stall in a hurry and walked anxiously through the school hall, her thoughts racing freely in her mind. She couldn't believe that the boy she once loved and cherished had turned into such a heartless pride machine. She could not believe that Sunghoon continued to break the hearts of innocent girls just to feed his own ego and impress his friends.

even now as I'm on my own it wears me down and I've lost control

Arriving at her dorm room, she lied in her bed and chuckled at her own hope of Sunghoon changing. Soon after, the chuckles turned into wholehearted laughter as she reminisced about the lies Sunghoon told his friends about their past relationship and their reasons for breaking up.

after all we've been through would you tell everyone leaving out how you made me feel and what went wrong

Right after, the laughter turned into single droplets of tears, which trickled down her cheeks as she realized how insecure Sunghoon must feel — unable to tell the truth and live authentically, wearing a mask while breaking hearts. She felt sorry for him, though she shouldn't have; after all, he had broken her heart. Yet here she was, and the world did not end.

now that it's done you can tell all your friends

At the end, their priorities diverged: she would prioritize her future significant other, while he would always prioritize his pride and his FRIENDS.

without me around you can take turns with everyone you can tell all your friends you can tell all your friends

Authors Note: Yellow yall,, my first ff on tumblr and ngl kinda nervous,, hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing this !! I am open for any improvements, so feedback is very much appreciated (the negative one as much as the positive),, take care everyone !! (?)

(06.07.2024)

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wheelie-sick · 1 month

Note

was it difficult getting a wheelchair prescription/referral for eds? and how has your experience with deconditioning been? was the switch to wheelchair from other mobility aids worth it? i have eds and am expected to get a wheelchair prescription later this year and i’m anxious about how the appointment will go

while I would love to help you my wheelchair is not primarily for hEDS 😅

[proceeds to write a really long fucking post with answers anyways]

anyways it's beneath the cut

I had a very easy time getting a referral because I have numerous comorbidities and my wheelchair was primarily for miserable malalignment. it was done in combination with the hEDS and lupus.

I'll still answer the other questions though

deconditioning

deconditioning was and is a very huge struggle for me especially because in the past I was a near full time wheelchair user and occasionally was completely unable to weight bear for about a month at a time. this meant I was basically doing no walking. this had all the consequences of doing no walking. I haven't had physical therapy in a long time either (even though I should) which did not help the situation.

I didn't really notice the deconditioned until I started shifting back to walking more. my legs were extremely weak and I was having a hard time walking short distances. I definitely had to build up to longer ones and it was a slow process.

I now walk significantly more--I'd say about 30% of the time--which is not a large number but it's enough to keep my legs strong enough that I can do things like hike sometimes. I do try to keep up with PT exercises. I am bad at it but anything is better than nothing.

basically my point is walk as much as possible and do your physical therapy

I will say that to some extent the muscle you build in your arms does make up for the muscle lost in your legs. it's not a 1:1 but it's not like you're losing muscle and gaining none- you are gaining some.

other mobility aids

god this is another one that's really influenced by other factors that weren't hEDS but I'll answer it anyways and try to pick out what's hEDS and what's not.

when I got my wheelchair referal I had active, untreated lupus leaving me unable to make it to the bathroom more than 1-2 times a day. when I got my wheelchair I had worse active, untreated lupus and was in and out of the hospital. I was also struggling to make it to the bathroom and was not eating (in part because I was throwing all of it up, in part because the campus dining hall was outside my radius of movement even with my hospital wheelchair) my point with this is that I needed that wheelchair pretty desperately. I had a hospital wheelchair, it was very difficult to use because it was 4 inches too large. I did use it, it was my primary mobility aid, but it limited my life a lot. it was more a "go to the bathroom" mobility aid than a "go to my classes" mobility aid

active lupus likes to attack your connective tissue a lot so it was also making my joints more unstable. couldn't figure out where to include this in the last paragraph but part of the cause of my pain was lupus' impact on my hEDS joints.

when I got my custom wheelchair I started using it for just about everything immediately because it was the most freeing thing I had ever experienced. (I got to leave my dorm building!!!!! I got to leave my dorm building!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[ID: a window selfie taken in a window with decals saying "UNM lobos" the person is sitting in a rigid manual wheelchair with his arm on the wheel]

look at me outside my dorm building for the first time in a month!!!! you can't see it but I was so absolutely thrilled

so was it worth it for me? yes, 1000× yes. I cried when I first moved around in it in the ATP's office

hEDS and the switch

so while it was absolutely worth it for me I wanted to share some of the factors that are actually hEDS related (though most of these are influenced by other parts of my disorder cocktail)

when it comes to pros, I do experience a lot of pain from hEDS and my leg pain is very mitigated by my wheelchair. when it comes to cons my shoulders have new pain! it's awful. when it comes to pros, my wheelchair is fit in a way that really helps alleviate my back pain from SI joint in instability-- if your chair doesn't have a good backrest SI joint pain will get worse, get a good backrest (I personally recommend the varilite icon so much thst they should start paying me for the advertising) it also supports my comorbid scoliosis a lot. it's useful during comorbid POTS flares but my POTS is pretty well managed now so that's mostly irrelevant for me (and you have to be careful using wheelchairs for POTS because they can decondition you and make things worse in the long run)

speaking of deconditioning you already seem pretty aware of deconditioning concerns so I won't dive into that one

it has made my joint dislocations & subluxations much less frequent because mine were primarily happening in my knees. it has made elbow subluxations a revived problem

basically it's what you'd expect- easier on the lower body harder on the upper body. also your spine. there's a lot of stress on your spine using a wheelchair so you have to take that into account. push for a good backrest, consider one that's medium height (at least, depending on other needs) understand you will probably throw your back out multiple times.

was it worth it with hEDS for me? I'd say yeah. while my wheelchair is not primarily for hEDS, hEDS is still a large component in it.

this was very rambly, sorry about that, I am writing this at 3 am, I hope this helps some?

I wish you so much luck getting your wheelchair they are so life changing and I hope you find it to be worth it!!!!! 💕💕

#ask #physical disability #physically disabled #wheelchair user #elhers danlos syndrome #EDS #hEDS

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putschki1969 · 9 months

Text

KEIKO Planetarium Live〜Starry Night〜 & Chocolate meating#3〜Starry Night edition〜 Live Report

I experienced so many amazing things during my recent Japan trip but for some reason, this special planetarium event left the most lasting impression so that's why I wanted it to be the topic of my first live report. Below you'll find an abundance of fangirling and mindless blabbering so please brace yourselves! The post will be divided into the following sections to make it easier for you to get through.

General Info

Preface

Merchandise

Venue

Performance

Fan Club Exclusive Part

General Info

Instagram post by Keiko | Tweet by Keiko | Tweet by Yuriko

『KEIKO Planetarium Live ~Starry Night~』 [Date] Sunday, December 17, 2023 [Time] Open 14:30 / Start 15:00 [Ticket fee] 8,000 yen (tax included) [Venue] Konica Minolta Planetaria TOKYO DOME1

FC Exclusive 『Chocolate meating #3 ～Starry Night edition～』 [Date] Sunday, December 17, 2023 [Time] Open 17:00 / Start 17:30 [Ticket fee] 8,500 yen (tax included) ※FC exclusive benefit included [Venue] Konica Minolta Planetaria TOKYO DOME1

Preface

When this was first announced I was devastated because at that time, my trip to Japan was scheduled to end on Dec 14th. But with both Wakana and Keiko announcing solo performances after that day, I was determined to find a way to extend my stay. Initially, I was hesitant because I knew there was no way to change my return flight. I would ultimately lose a significant amount of money and on top of that, I would have to book a new one-way return ticket for a later date which would cost me a fortune as well. After considering all my pros and cons, I ultimately decided to go through with the whole thing because I knew I would probably hate myself forever if I didn't use that opportunity. Of course it also hinged upon whether or not I would manage to get a ticket for the fan club performance in the evening. I knew my chances were super slim due to the tiny venue (~100 people) but luckily, I won a ticket. At that point I knew that I had no excuses not to go XD This is by far one of he craziest and most irrational things I've ever done so for some time I was afraid that I would end up with horrible regrets but I am happy to report that it was worth every penny for me. Not only was Wakana's concert amazing, these two Keiko performances absolutely blew me away with their intimate nature and unique atmosphere. Can you believe that this was actually the first time for me to attend a Keiko solo event? I had purchased streaming tickets for all of her online lives of course but I had never been to an on-site event. And for a while now, I have been asking myself if I would even enjoy a one-man live like that since - as we all know - I am not particularly fond of a lot of her solo releases but, lo and behold, my love for Keiko and her music was 100% reaffirmed. I am so glad that I took the plunge, I couldn't be more grateful to have been able to be there for this amazing experience. On this note, I wanna give a big shout-out to my friend Pae who encouraged me from the get-go to come to the event and who got our tickets for the day performance. It was a general sale on a first come-first serve basis and she really knocked it out of the park with her professional ticket purchasing skills. I definitely could never have done it that quickly so kudos to her. Here's a picture of little old me, Pae and her friend from Thailand.

Merchandise

I wanna take a few moments to talk about the live goods because I am utterly smitten with everything. The acrylic stands and the block are particularly pretty but I am also obsessed with the polaroids. I almost couldn't contain myself and since they didn't have any limits as to how many pieces one person could buy, I naturally went all out. Don't worry, I didn't buy that much since I was still reeling from how expensive it was to extend my trip. Also, I was one of the first few people in line so it would have been rude to buy an excessive amount, there were a ton of other fans around after all, they obviously also wanted to buy a lot of merch. While they prepared plenty of the random polaroid magnets, they unfortunately didn't really bring enough of the acrylic stuff. By the end of the day performance, the acrylic stands were already completely sold out and after the evening performance, the acrylic block was gone too. I guess that means that even if we get an online sale at one point, they will only sell the tote bag and the magnets...or maybe they'll produce another batch of all the acrylic items...We'll have to wait and see...I could see myself buying some more polaroids if they become available online. I only got two pieces with a handwritten message by Keiko so it would be nice to have more. But they are not exactly cheap so I'll have to think about it.

Venue

The venue was...not what I had expected XD. The pictures online of Konica Minolta Planetaria are a bit misleading but I guess that's because they only ever feature Dome 2 and not Dome 1 which is significantly smaller and doesn't have any of the fancy seats. Our seats were little more than reclining beach chairs with a little table but oh well, I didn't come there to be seated comfortably so it didn't bother me too much. At the end of the day, it was a good thing that the dome was so tiny because it made everything feel so much more intimate. And let me tell you, when I say intimate, I mean intimate. I've never ever been this close to Keiko (and I've had my fair share of close encounters with her). There were no assigned seats for the performances, everyone just had a number on their ticket and we were allowed to enter the dome in order of that number. As mentioned earlier, Pae was super fast getting our tickets so we ended up with the numbers 5 to 7, meaning that for the day performance I got a seat right at the front with a clear view of Keiko. There was no stage or anything, just a bit of basic equipment, some microphones and two stools. This meant that there was barely any space between the front row and the artist area (1 metre maybe). Needless to say, I spent the entire time looking at Keiko XD. I almost felt a bit bad because I was missing out on the lovely projections but to be fair, it was actually quite hard to get a good view of them this close to the front so the best option for me was to just stare at Keiko. During the break I bought myself a yummy galaxy donut which was almost too pretty to eat but at that point I was starving so I literally devoured it. For the FC exclusive evening performance I wasn't nearly as lucky when it came to my number. I got #71 so I ended up in one of the last rows unfortunately. From the first performance I knew that Keiko would be entering from the back door on the left side and walk through the audience so I at least made sure to take a seat close to the door so she would walk right past me (which she did so YAY but more on that later). On another positive note, the seat in the back made it possible for me to get fully immersed in the projections without being too distracted by Keiko. It was truly breathtaking to see all these space-themed vivid images across the ceiling.

Performance

It feels like I have already talked so much about the whole thing but I haven't mentioned a single thing about the actual performances so let me rectify that. I've already alluded to it in the beginning of this post, Keiko was absolutely stunning and I am obviously not just talking about her looks. Her vocals were out of this world, every single song of the setlist flattered her so much, there was not a single misplaced note as far as I could tell. Due to the nature of the event, it was of course a very understated performance, there was no wild movement or crazy choreography, it was just Keiko standing/sitting there being illuminated by the tiniest of lights, just enough to still see her but never enough to distract from the visuals. After all, the main focus were supposed to be the projected images and for the most part, that was the case. Only occasionally they would shine some more light on Keiko (mostly during MCs). As you can see below, the setlist was full of ballads and OMG, I couldn't have been happier about that. She sang almost all my faves so I was pretty much in heaven for the first half of the live. Almost started crying during 通り雨 because it was painstakingly beautiful. キミガネムルカラ and 夕顔 were also true gems to experience live, so haunting and mystic. She brought out her brand new guitar for songs #4 to #6 and while I have never been the biggest fan of acoustic guitars, Keiko really managed to make me fall in love with the sound. Both her and her guitarist did a fantastic job arranging and performing these tracks. Also, I was quite surprised to hear Yas Nakajima provide backup vocals for Keiko during Burn In The Wind, their voices match perfectly.

The cover section was admittedly a bit of a let-down for me since the chosen songs are not exactly among my favourites. That's not to say that I didn't enjoy myself or that Keiko didn't deliver the songs flawlessly, it's just that I don't really care all that much for the songs themselves. There were some really gorgeous high notes though so I really can't complain. Speaking of covers, I was super hyped when Keiko announced that she would be singing 風の街へ, a self-cover of her first FictionJunction KEIKO work. I had a feeling she would maybe sing it (since it's obviously a perfect fit for this sort of atmosphere) but Pae kept telling me that it probably wouldn't be happening. Glad I was right about that. During the MC, Keiko was talking about her upcoming single 夕闇のうた so for a while I was sure she would just sing that but she ultimately did not perform it. We got to hear the full version a few days earlier at Kaji Fes. so I wasn't too disappointed that it didn't make it onto the setlist of the planetarium live (also, if I am being honest, the song hasn't really grown on me yet so it's not like I'm dying to hear it again and again). Instead, she chose the song that marked the very beginning of Keiko's journey together with Yuki Kajiura and really, I can never get enough of it. It's one of my very favourite YK x Keiko collaborations and it's always such a pleasure to hear it live. It was only my second time so I couldn't have been more grateful. The final three songs were a nice change of pace with more involvement from the audience and more focus on Keiko rather than the projections. I certainly didn't expect ラテ to make an appearance but with the pretty lights, it worked surprisingly well. The whole thing had a very futuristic feel to it if you know what I mean. ユア has slowly been growing on me and it's just such a feel-good song that I cannot stop vibing with it (similar to Wakana's Happy Hello Day actually). The ending was beyond epic, エンドロール is such a cool song. I just wish I had known the lyrics so I would have been able to sing along properly (I have zero skills when it comes to memorising lyrics) . Keiko tried to prepare us with a few test-runs but I kept mixing up some lines T_T Oh well, I had a blast so that's all that counts! The one thing I felt kinda sad about was the fact that we didn't get an encore but I guess they had to keep the performance short...?

M-1キミガネムルカラ M-2夕顔 M-3通り雨 M-4夜の嘘と M-5Lost M-6Burn In The Wind M-7駅 by 竹内まりや (Cover) M-8ルビーの指環 by 寺尾聰 (Cover) M-9秋桜 by 山口百恵 (Cover) M-10風の街へ (Self-Cover) M-11ラテ M-12ユア M-13エンドロール

Fan Club Exclusive Part

When I entered the dome for the fan club exclusive evening performance, I was given a large envelope by a staff member containing a message card by Keiko. The scan above features the picture which makes up one half of the card. So pretty! (Please keep in mind that this is fan club exclusive!) As mentioned earlier, I had a seat pretty far in the back during this performance, I was still close enough to have a good view of Keiko but I decided to focus on the projections this time around since Keiko jokingly mentioned a couple of times that she felt so many eyes on her and that we should try to enjoy the gorgeous view above as well. With the way she said it, I could tell that she wasn't annoyed or angry about it but she genuinely just wanted us the get the most out of the experience. And yeah, I have to admit, it was amazing to just lean back and watch the gorgeous space visuals while being gently wrapped by Keiko's vocals. Also, for some weird reason, the seats in the back were much more comfortable than the ones in the front row so that made it a lot easier to just relax. The setlist was the exact same and Keiko's performance was just as good. There were some technical issues with the projections at one point so the staff asked Keiko to take a little break and entertain the audience for a while so they could fix the problem. Keiko was really cute during this section because she struggled to come up with something to talk about. All her other MCs had been rather short and straight-to-the-point so there wasn't really anything to talk about. She even admitted that it was quite hard for her to just talk to an audience without having anyone on stage with her to create a sort of a back and forth. Unfortunately, her guitarist was pretty useless in that regard since he didn't feel comfortable at all talking XD Keiko ended up blabbering on and on about the most random stuff and eventually talked a bit about the guitar arrangement for 秋桜 which she found quite impressive. After they had fixed the issue, we went back to the regular program for a couple of songs until Keiko announced that it was time for some special games since this was a fan club event after all. First, we played a few rounds of a Maru-Batsu-Quiz (True-or-False-Quiz). They had prepared some Keiko-trivia questions. Everyone was asked to stand up and with every question people either answered with "true" (fist) or "false" (open hand). Those who answered incorrectly had to sit down so fewer and fewer people remained standing as time went by. Some of the questions were a bit tricky so all you could do was guess. Unfortunately, I wasn't one of the lucky winners at the end. Although I will say that these games are mostly based on trust since you can always pretend to have made the correct gesture or change your gesture in the right moment (it's hard to verify stuff like that). There were a handful of guys who won the first two rounds, they got to walk towards the front and Keiko gave them a little present (some snack souvenirs from the most recent Asia tour-leg, nothing too exciting). Then we were all surprised because for one round the last person standing happened to be none other than Yuriko Kaida. Turns out she had been sitting right behind me all this time (her seat was the closest one to the back door in the very last row). I did not expect her to actually collect her prize (especially since Keiko mentioned that Yuriko had gotten the exact same souvenir in Taiwan) but she did. It was a treat seeing them interact like that. They are so funny together and it was during those moments that you could immediately tell that Keiko became so much more relaxed and talkative once she had someone on-stage with her who she felt comfortable with. As a final game, we did one round of rock-paper-scissors which once again, I wasn't lucky enough to win but I guess it just wasn't meant to be T_T

When the show was over, Keiko walked through the audience towards the door in the back and that's when my seat choice really paid off. She got super close to the people who had an aisle seat, she made eye contact, waved at us and even did little high fives with the one or the other female fan who dared to initiate a gesture like that (of course I didn't because I am too chicken-shit for that). Once Keiko was gone, Yuriko was also ushered outside. Some of us were still hopeful that we would get an encore, especially since they had closed the exit again but alas we didn't get one. However, we were all in for a special treat when it was time to finally get up and leave. When they started playing the usual after-live announcement it was obvious that there wouldn't be an encore so I took my stuff and headed towards the back door which a staff member was just about to open. That's when I realised that Keiko was standing right outside the door, waiting for the audience members to give each one of us a private send-off. This is a common occurrence with fan club events in Japan but I've never had it happen with Keiko before so this was super special. Also, during and even long after the pandemic, situations with close encounters like that were strictly avoided so I didn't really expect them to do a send-off. Seems like we have finally moved past those restrictions! BANZAI! Anyway, I literally froze in place when I saw Keiko standing there because I was scared to be the first one to be greeted by her. I waited a few seconds so a handful of people could walk out before me. This way I was able to observe what other fans were saying to her and how much time the staff allowed each person with Keiko. I know, it probably sounds ridiculous to you but this sort of stuff stresses me out immensely, I prefer to be at least a tiny bit prepared. I was probably the fifth person to walk outside and most people inside the dome were still putting on their clothes or picking up their stuff so there was not really a line behind me or any type of rush. When I got in front of Keiko, we both did the crazy waving thing again while I thanked her for everything. Then I told her that I am always supporting her from Vienna and she was like, "wow, Vienna, so cool!" At that point it would have probably been my turn to step away since I could tell that the staff member next to Keiko was getting antsy and already preparing to ask me to continue walking. But I wanted to use the opportunity to briefly mention my undying love for the beret I had won during a previous fan club event. As you probably all know, this is my most-prized possession. It's a hat previously owned and frequently worn by Keiko herself, she signed it and even wrote my name on it before shipping it out to me. Being as obsessed with Kalafina fashion as I am, I really couldn't have asked for a better gift. Squeezing all those emotions into a single sentence or two was very hard but I tried my best. I had forgotten how to breathe at that point and my voice was getting super weird. I pointed at my hat and hoped that she would even remember that she had given it away. Then I all but squeaked out how grateful I was to win it and that I would treasure it all my life. She also pointed at it with clear recognition on her face (thank God or it would have been embarrassing XD) and told me with the brightest of smiles, "ah yes, yes, I know, that's amazing, I am so happy for you!" Needless to say, that almost killed me 💀I definitely ascended to another plane of existence that day. I didn't wanna push my luck any further so with a final wave I kept walking towards the reception area and thus ended my Keiko Planetarium experience. Even hours after the event, I was still reeling from everything that had happened.

My plane was supposed to leave bright and early the following morning so I did not stick around longer than necessary. I said my goodbyes to a couple of fellow fans and then took off. Some of them wanted to invite me to a small after-dinner-party but I just wouldn't have been able to deal with the stress on the eve of my departure.

All right, that's it, hopefully I didn't forget anything and I didn't bore you to death. Kudos to anyone who managed to make it to the end.

PS: I just wanna say that Keiko is the prettiest human being ever. Every time I see her up-close I'm reminded of her other-worldly beauty. Standing right next to her, it doesn't even feel like she is a real person because everything about her looks so smooth and polished, like someone put a filter on top of her XD

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