#also for now i like holy knights over god's knights translation

[variablejabberwocky]

started watching delicious in dungeon/dungeon meishi (sp?). or as i like to call it

~*AUTISM COOKING DUNGEON*~

dear god y'all have undersold this to me. and like i get it. spoilers and all that. but holy shit

our boy isn't like... "tee-hee little-bit of autistic, just a smidge" like you were all making me think. no no. no, this guy is DEEPLY autistic. we're talking "normally we only give THIS much autism to aliens and robots" kind of autism. the "i need an allistic translator for my social fubars" autism (rip your sister dude). the "i learned a thing! so now im not gonna shut up about it for at least an hour" autism.

and they gave this to THE ONE SINGULAR HUMAN IN THE PARTY. this guy is a HUMAN FIGHTER/KNIGHT-type that is like the MOST BORING/NORMIE shit in a d&d style setting. that is "why are you even playing a fantasy game?" level of normie shit.

and THAT is who gets to be The Party Freak(tm)

i love it. completely unironically/unsarcasticly i love it. they took the "that much autism isn't human anymore" bullshit thats so prolific its basically a trope and went NOPE FUCK THAT NOISE

what i find unforgivable though is that none of you mentioned he's a Kronk too.

boy sounds SO SO STUPID but is so so smart when you actually listen to what the fuck he's on about now (and think on why he's on about it right then). he's a big tank (literally in the fantasy class sense) that just wants to help everyone and do his little special interest shit on the side. and it is on the side because the other two seem like they had no idea it was more than trivia until he didn't have to help micromanage a massive party. like this shit has clearly been on repeat in his brain in the background for A WHILE but he was so busy helping/keeping everyone alive it got shoved aside of his outward behavior unless it was useful. he is a lovable dorky himbo and NONE of you mentioned this.

anyway, i'm also loving the way this whole show is basically only like this because him and senshi are vibing on the same wavelength and the other two are basically just along for the ride to save their friend/part member

the whole thing has a Green Eggs and Ham kind of thing going on with it too. but like...environmentalist about it? like it was more subtle about the whole "hey maybe work WITH your current environment rather than against it" bit and then we found out what senshi normally does and subtlety just went right out the fucking window on that front.

i'm also liking the way it both explores the horrors of dying in a world where being brought back to life is common, while also kind of...poking fun at it? like its reminding me of a thing i heard something like "the difference between comedy and tragedy is how far from it you are" kind of concept.

like they are so fucking ... how the fuck do you spell it blase? with the little "/" over the e. that. the story is so bland in how it handles how people came back from horrific deaths and yet when the characters have to face things that remind them of their own it gets heartbreaking very quickly. but like...chillchuck. goddamn. we get just enough from his perspective that its harrowing but the way its shown to us the reader/viewer is like a comedy skit

cause like...its both.

these guys keep dying/nearly dying to THE. SAME. FUCKING. SHIT.

mage elf is slimebait, chillchuck is basically Dungeon Canary with an emphasis on mimics, and himbro over here is gonna get himself killed trying to pet/eat a new monster no one else knows about at some point. probably why his sister seems to have specialized in healing magic.

i know the fandom is thinking once they get his sister back that she's gonna be Just Like Him but i think it would be much funnier AND more 'realistic' if they were classic autism-adhd alliance but siblings about it. like him being better at staying on a task and her being better at navigating social cues and shit. and both of them with their own little special interest energy. i'm betting her's is magic. and thats why even magic elf is like "omg shes so good at magic i'm no where near that level" about it. i mean its also the lesbianism but there IS more to that than thirst from what i've seen.

anyway i'm 6 episodes into what seems to be 12 available on netflix and i'm already hooked. might have to see if i can get my hands on the manga or something too

[killerandhealerqueen]

Oh...oh I have so many feelings.

So, I just finished binging the One Piece Live Action.  And as someone who has never seen a single episode of the One Piece anime nor has read a single page of the One Piece manga...I really really really loved this live action.

First of all, I love the story.  I think it’s really well done and the plotting works for the adaptation.  Second of all, I love the characters (and I will do a whole section on them in a minute) and I love the cast.  My god the cast.  They each played their roles so fucking well and I’m glad they chose who they did because I really can’t see anyone else playing these characters.  Also, the backstories man.  Look, I am a sucker for backstories and they delivered on them.  And also, also, the fucking flag at the end?!  The icon flag with the skull with straw hat on it?  Bitch, I am emotions

ANNND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE RELATIONSHIPS THROUGHOUT THIS SHOW…the relationships make me emotional

Now, for the characters (at least the mains and maybe like the villains):

Mains:

Luffy: I love how he was portrayed in this.  I’ve seen gifsets of this guy and he is both so loveable but also a gremlin and a little shit and Iñaki played him so well.  I couldn’t stop cooing over how fucking cute he was.  My god.  I think the CGI for his rubber was actually quite cool/good.  Really unnatural looking but hello...the dude’s skin is fucking rubber, it’s gonna be unnatural.  And it worked

Zoro: He was badass and a cunt and a bitch and I love him.  The middle finger in the first episode?  A man after my own fucking heart.  I also really liked Mackenyu in the Fullmetal Alchemist series as Scar, I thought he played him really well.  I think he did a really good job (and I’m excited to see him in Knights of the Zodiac whenever that comes out)

Nami: Her actress reminded me a lot of like a younger Jennifer Chastain (it might be the orange hair) but I really liked her character.  A badass but with a good heart and also a little bit of a bitch.  (If a character is a little bit of a bitch, I’m going to like them, that’s just how it is).

Sanji: I loved his actor.  And I know him and Zoro a little bit better than the other characters and I know that in the anime he’s quite a ladies man.  Like a lot of a ladies man but I like that they kind of toned that down here.  He’s also another bitch and I love him.  I’m also very glad they kept his eyebrows normal and didn’t do the spiral because I don’t think that would have translated well

Usopp: He has a lot of heart.  I really liked how he cared for Kaya and how he cared for his friends and yeah he was a bit of an exaggerated, he’s really just trying to make people smile.  But damn if that little fireball thing that he made wasn’t fucking cool as hell as it exploded that fish guy.  Like get fucked

Garp: I liked his actor.  I don’t know much about the character himself but I liked his actor and I thought he was pretty cool for a Vice-Admiral.  But I have to ask the fans...what is up with the dog hat?

Koby: Apparently according to fans he’s not that big in the anime/manga but I liked him here.  I thought he was cute, in a bright-eyed, bushy tailed kind of way.  A good kid.  And I’m glad he and Luffy became friends

Villains:

Alvida: Oh, she was cool.  Her and her big ass spiked clubs?  Fuck yeah, my dudes.  That was fucking cool

Buggy: Loved the actor, hate the character.  Buggy is just creepy as shit.  But I also hate clowns so there’s that.  But the actor really did bring something to this guy where like...you definitely got that there was something off about him but he wasn’t overbearing.  The CGI for him was *shudders* but also really cool

Arlong: Oh my god, I hated the character but the actor’s voice????  Hello???  I could listen to that man speak all day, holy shit, I could not get over his voice.  His character though, was a dick and I’m glad he got his pagoda fucking smashed on his fucking head, he deserved it after what he did to Nami and what he fucking put her through.

Now, will this live action make me want to read the manga or watch the anime?  No.  But did I enjoy the fuck out of it?  Yeah, yeah I fucking did.  I haven’t screeched with laughter in god knows how long and it was really good to watch/binge and while I may not understand a lot of the background or the plot, I still really enjoyed it and could follow along pretty well.

But also, for the fans because I am genuinely curious...does Luffy ever find the One Piece?

[teecupangel]

Have you ever considered - Desmond survives and gets to be(mentally) transported in time to some Isu temple. Except the eye doesn't have human genome templates, only Isu (thanks, Juno). New body is made wholly based on the Isu part of Desmond's genome. How hard would it be for Desmond to hide in plain sight, being at least a head taller than anyone around him?

Oh god. I read this and the brain immediately went "HEY LISTEN" so have this longass answer hahaha. Off the top of my head, I can think of three main ideas that incorporate this plot.

1 Desmond gets traveled back in time in an Isu body during the rise of the Isu civilization (or maybe even before the time 'everyone is scrambling to try not die from the sun, the prequel')

In this setup, I think Desmond's main problem would be trying to pretend that he's an actual Isu so that the other Isus won't think he's some kind of experiment gone rogue. He'll also be alone without any allies (Desmond would even be suspicious of Minerva because of how she acted in the Grand Temple and he only heard Tinia once so he doesn't know who Tinia is as a person). In this kind of plot, I think it would be fun for Desmond to be in the following scenarios:

Desmond accidentally helps Eve revolt and help the humans (... what if he was Adam??? Nah, it won't work. For one, Adam is a human and this plot gives Desmond an Isu body). Oh, oh, oh. What if Desmond (as an Isu) is the one to give Eve the Apple of Eden and this gets translated as him as the snake/devil giving Eve the apple hahahaha

Have some kind of tense alliance with Aletheia in her time as the Dikastes of Atlantis (maybe his body is one of Juno and Aita's secret pet projects)

Get in the middle of a war between the Asgardian Isus and the other Isus. Just imagine him awkwardly trying not to listen to Minerva and Odin having sex when all he wanted to do was check if there's any Isu bs that can help him in this supposed vault or whatever, why are they even having sex here, come on! Then Odin catches sight of him when he's trying to find the mead, maybe Desmond grabs the mead before he does because it's glowing hella gold in his Eagle Vision and Desmond sees shiny and thinks 'shiny? important? shiny!' and now Odin is chasing him all over the nine realms while Desmond just wants to find a way back to his goddamn time

2 Desmond gets traveled back in time in an Isu body before the 21st century

Alright, this spans all the (main) games' non-modern day plot but here's some of the key points I can think of:

In general, religious people might see him as either a god or a divine being sent by god (since Isu tend to wear glowing outfits). His height might even count him as a nephilim instead as they're usually described as giants with great power. This would get him in trouble or might get him out of trouble if he can, you know, pretend to act godly and stuff (it's Desmond though so my bet is awkward 'fear not for thou, uh, hast, uuuhhh...'). The idea that he's god would most definitely be the case for the three mcs of the Layla Trilogy and maybe even Ezio (but, let's be honest, Ezio is a special case).

Honestly, I think he has the best chance of hiding and figuring shit out with Bayek because Bayek would see him and go 'oh, he's in trouble. as a medjay and a good person, I will help him.' while the misthios (Kassandra or Alexios) would be like "A god! Or a demi-god! Must be one of Zeus' children, poor boy. Come! Join my crew and let's fuck shit up!" and Eivor would be more of "You must be a Jotun... Our clan is open to all! Even a Jotun like you. How do you feel about burning churches?"

Kicking him to the time of the Third Crusades will be hilarious. On one hand, the Templars definitely want him because holy shit (and I can just imagine Maria actually pledging to be his knight because she absolutely believes that Desmond is a divine being, if not her god then one of his divine messengers), the Assassins want him because also holy shit (and it would be funny if one of those who truly believe Desmond is some kind of god is Abbas, just the awkwardness and blatant hostility turning to confusion and mild annoyance in the same vein of 'please stop talking, abbas' 'of course, my lord' will be priceless) and the people who are left being 'sus, absolutely sus' are probably going to be Altaïr (who is an atheist in canon) and Malik (who saw the power of the POE in canon and went 'yeah, sounds like tech we don't understand yet') so they have this awkward possibly powerful being trying to hide behind the two of them because Desmond saw them not looking at him with any reverence and went 'yes, these two. These two will protect me while I have my silent freakout' but that only makes everyone believe that Altaïr and Malik have been chosen by 'god' and now Malik, being the more 'cordial' of the two (and the last time Altaïr spoke for them, he sounded so arrogant and full of himself (this is set before the start of AC1) that they could see the metaphorical pitchforks getting ready) have to speak for Desmond because it's clear that Desmond has no idea what to do and is freaking out but pretending not to be. This, in turn, makes Malik the unofficial spokesperson (prophet) of Desmond while Altaïr gets called his knight when all he's trying to do is keep Desmond from running away and building a fucking grape farm of all things (Desmond wasn't serious, he was rambling, but Altaïr didn't know that). Kadar (hell yeah, he lives) gets roped in as well and he actually believes all this Desmond-is-god crap so now Desmond has a very enthusiastic 'butler/acolyte' on top of everything.

Renaissance period depends on when Desmond gets kicked out of his timeline. If he gets kicked out before Ezio heard Minerva's message, Ezio would probably look at him with suspicion and maybe even be a bit hostile with him considering he's still hurting and wishing for revenge. If it was after Minerva's message (Brotherhood), Ezio would definitely help him, maybe try to learn from him, and may even think of him as an actual divine being because of his religious background which makes Desmond feel awkward and creates some kind of wall between the two of them. Desmond just wants to help Ezio and be treated normally (or as equals) but Ezio can't help but see Desmond as some kind of god or angel that has been sent to help them in exchange for his loyalty and servitude. (Insert angst here with bonus points for religious themes and imagery that will send my soul deeper to hell) Revelations-timeline Ezio already has enough and wants out. He would see Desmond as someone in a similar position as him and they'll have a peaceful life tending a countryside farm with Sofia and their children because THESE TWO DESERVE PEACE.

I think Haytham and the other characters during Rogue would look at Desmond and think 'holy shit, Isu' and try to capture him. Both Templars and Assassins want to capture him because he's some stranger who may or may not be an Isu and that means knowledge and power that the other organization should not have. The Templars would definitely send Shay (if this is after Lisbon) while the Assassins would send Liam or maybe Adéwalé or Kesegowaase. Desmond is sus of both of them because Templars are Templars in his eyes and he saw how Hope's Assassins are pretty much governing the criminal underworld of New York which is pretty bad, all things considered, so he's iffy about going to the Assassins. So who does he turn to? Ziio. Ziio with baby Ratonhnhaké:ton and fuck whatever is happening to him and what this means in the timeline, he's gonna hide in Ziio's village forever and be Ratonhnhaké:ton's favorite uncle. You don't have to hide in plain sight if you're staying in a village that thinks you're some kind of spirit or something and that's cool. So while the Assassins and Templars are scrambling to find him, he's just chilling and babysitting for Ziio. By the time they find him in Ziio's village, Ratonhnhaké:ton is old enough to think Desmond is his dad (but he's BFF with Ziio, not in a romantic relationship) so Haytham has to deal with a bad breakup, a son he didn't even know existed and a powerful being who may or may not have adopted his son.

Desmond would have a stressful time in the Carribeans, dodging pirates and everybody else. And he can't find any Assassins for some reason so he tries to take a breather by chilling on some uninhabited island. Cue Captain Edward Kenway who was just there because it was on some weird old map he found and he sees his big dude and thought "sure, let's make him part of our crew" while Desmond agrees because he has a hidden blade so he might be an Assassin (he's not) and his name is Kenway so he might be Ratonhnhaké:ton's grandpa (he is) and Desmond needs a break. Chilling with pirates sounds like fun (it's not)

I think Desmond would spend most of his time during the French Revolution trying to find a way to America because that's where Ratonhnhaké:ton is and he believes Ratonhnhaké:ton will believe him (at the very least, won't turn him away anyway) but he'll get roped into this because something inside him is telling him there's someone in Paris that is bad juju. His Isu body is reacting to Aita's Sage and it's giving him some kind of annoying headache. Before he knows what's happening, he's secretly helping an Assassin who reminds him of Ezio and forms some kind of alliance with him. He has no knowledge of the French Revolution other than the Liam Neeson movie (not the musical because, according to wiki, that released on Dec 25 2012 in the US and our boy is already dead by then) so good luck?

Victorian England, on the other hand, would have Desmond barging in on the train that the Frye twins commandeered because 'it's a train... if you wanted to be inconspicuous, you'd pick the sewers, not a train'. His height would leave him... well, pretty much benched unless it's nighttime and he stays on the roofs so he gets to help Greenie with research (and miss Shaun) and maybe awkward shuffle away when Evie and Henry start having a moment. He does help out during nighttime missions AND BECOMES ONE OF CHARLES DICKIN'S GHOST CLUB MISSION because people saw him and think 'holy shit, ghost!' and now Evie and Jacob have to pretend not to know that the ghost Charles Dickins wants them to find/debunk is actually some chill dude who likes going out at night to stretch his legs. (Jacob brings Desmond the dog to the train and introduces him to Desmond, Desmond is not amused, Jacob thinks it's the best joke he's made in a while, Desmond the dog thinks Desmond the Isu gives the best belly rubs)

3 Desmond gets traveled back in time in an Isu body during the 21st century (or farther than that)

For this one, I can think of two main plotlines

This one is connected to my previous idea of Elijah overriding Juno's new body and transferring Desmond's data into it. Cue awkward father-son bonding between the two as they try to escape Juno's lackeys with Charlotte and the other Assassins and Desmond is awkward around them because he doesn't know anyone (he's been isolated to the other Assassins since he got his own 'cell') and Elijah doesn't trust anyone at all. Their main problem now is trying to contact any of the other Assassins to help them escape while trying to escape from both Juno's lackeys and Abstergo who has now heard of Desmond's 'resurrection'.

This other plotline is kinda meh but you can throw Desmond farther into the future and have him get a more stable Abstergo-created Isu body during the timeline of Watch_Dog Legion. While the developers insist that Darcy (who is a descendant of the Fryes) isn't canon, fuck canon, have Desmond deal with the horrors of a dystopian future where his height will be a fucking red flag. He's stuck in London, allies himself with Darcy and Dedsec in a 'you scratch my back, i scratch yours' setup where he helps them out and they help him try and contact an Assassin he actually knows (like maybe Shaun or Rebecca).

In both of these plotlines, Desmond can easily blend in by using one thing: wheelchairs. While he's overall larger than normal humans, wheelchairs will make that less 'visible'... heightwise anyway

....... I just realize that I made plots instead of answering how Desmond could hide while using an Isu body... ooops?

[pesterloglog]

Aradia Megido, Dave Strider, Tavros Nitram

Act 5, page 3481-3492

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

AA: hello!

TG: hey

AA: i think its absurd i never introduced myself to you in all that time i spent moping around the lab

AA: guess i wasnt in a very good mood

AA: hi dave my names aradia

TG: christ

TG: youre a fan of one of my websites arent you

TG: what asshole gave you my chumhandle

TG: also what was your favorite thing i did you liked

TG: and what did you think was so great about it

TG: also

TG: asl???

AA: um

AA: 6 a girl and a place very close to you

AA: in fact

AA: i could visit you right now if you would like

TG: oh holy shit ok youre a troll

TG: only trolls say theyre six i dont know whats up with you and that dumb fake age

AA: to be fair it translates to the same age as you which at the moment is 12 is it not

TG: makes no sense bye

AA: understanding disparities in the flow of time should be easy for people like us let alone understanding disparities in such pedestrian things as units

AA: i am 6 sweeps old one sweep is a little more than 2 years you dummy!

TG: cool story

AA: look it is either the truth or i am just someone who is being a bit playful what is the harm in that

TG: ok so 2=6 awesome joke hahahaha

TG: or wait maybe it was just a waste of time

TG: you people think im made of the stuff

AA: :D

AA: i know you arent

AA: but i am

TG: what

AA: maid of time

AA: whereas you are the knight of the very same cosmic faculty

AA: it would seem we have very little in common dave

AA: when in fact we have very much

TG: yeah

TG: i think

TG: im gonna shut off my phone now cya

AA: yes

AA: thats definitely what you did the first time we had this conversation

AA: so i will wait patiently while you realize thats not what youre going to do this time

TG: uh

TG: what

TG: the fuck

AA: dave describe to me why you are now incredulous please

TG: i remember this

TG: i remember shutting off my phone and never talking to you again

TG: but

TG: im still talking

TG: whats going on

AA: of course you remember that

AA: this is a memory

TG: no its a dream

TG: im asleep

TG: or am i

TG: what is going on here

AA: come to the window

TG: why

AA: because im outside

TG: bs

AA: take a look

TG: i dont see anything out there

AA: that iiis

AA: becaaause

AA: im not out there anymore!

AA: turn around

TG: oh sup

TG: looks like youre a fairy

AA: yeah

TG: thats cool

TG: these arent my shades anymore

TG: john gave me these new ones for my bday

TG: i remember that

TG: and i wasnt wearing this shirt

TG: it was this one

TG: howd it get like that

AA: try to remember

TG: i cant

TG: wait

TG: i wasnt wearing this actually

TG: i was wearing this suit

TG: no wait

TG: it was a black one

AA: are you sure

TG: yeah

TG: and i was playing sburb

TG: thats right

TG: and then i went to sleep at some point

TG: which is why im asleep now

TG: but

TG: if im dreaming

TG: then why am i not awake as my dream self

AA: why indeed!

TG: shit

TG: this wasnt the suit i was wearing

TG: it was this ugly fucking rag

AA: yes

AA: i think it looks pretty nice but go on

TG: and i went to take a nap

TG: terezi said id reach god tier

TG: or i guess show me why i wouldnt

TG: did it work is this part of the process somehow

AA: no

AA: sorry

TG: so then

TG: its just a stupid pointless dream

AA: not exactly

TG: wait

TG: oh yeah

TG: i woke up

TG: and then

TG: welp

TG: so then

TG: im dead

AA: yes

TG: then this isnt a memory or a dream at all

TG: its the afterlife

AA: yes and no

AA: yes and 2 nos!

AA: it is the afterlife

AA: but what is happening now is taking place in a bubble which is accessible to the living through dreams under the right conditions

AA: and it is also your memory

AA: the entry point for any bubble is always a memory

AA: either a memory of the dead

AA: or a memory of the living dreamer come to visit!

AA: but once you realize it is not just a memory

AA: what happens next is up to you

TG: ok

TG: what is going on over here then

TG: is this some disturbing ghost hallucination should i start slapping myself or what

AA: no this actually did happen

TG: i dont remember this

AA: thats because it isnt your memory

AA: this is alpha dave

AA: the one who chose not to take the nap which led to your death

TG: fuck

TG: lucky bastard

TG: so then i guess terezi tricked me

AA: did she

AA: didnt you ask for this

TG: it would have been cool to know if picking one option would definitely kill me pointlessly so yeah

TG: but i guess i kept giving her shit about it and i knew she was kind of crazy and morbid anyways so whatever

TG: is

TG: bro dead there

AA: evidently

TG: like in reality

TG: like thats a thing that really happened

TG: also

TG: is reality still a thing that means something can that be a question on the table too

AA: yes yes and yes

AA: yes it can be on the table and yes reality still means something

AA: and yes your guardian did die

TG: well

TG: dammit

TG: what did i do wrong

TG: aside from getting my ass killed in the most retarded way possible

AA: nothing

AA: all is well and as it should be

TG: whats he doing

TG: alpha me

AA: what would you be doing there if you were him

TG: i am him

AA: even better!

TG: i dunno

AA: would you be upset

TG: yeah

TG: sorta

AA: then maybe what you are doing is grieving

AA: in whatever way that comes naturally to you

TG: maybe

AA: you are lucky to be able to

AA: i could not for a long time

AA: but now that i can again im so relieved

AA: because i have discovered there is no reason to grieve!

TG: ok

TG: am i talking to someone there

AA: looks like it

TG: who

AA: who do you suspect you would be talking to in this situation

TG: probably

TG: terezi i guess

AA: maybe she is helping you through this

TG: i dunno

TG: would she do that

AA: you were helping her werent you

TG: was i

AA: i think so

AA: the living need each others help

AA: just like the dead do

AA: alpha dave still has a long way to go

AA: hes still not at ease with his mortality

AA: but people like us have to be!

AA: we have to be prepared to die a thousand deaths before our quest is complete

AA: the master we serve demands it

TG: so

TG: im just one dead dave offered up to the time god

AA: pretty much

TG: what about the other dead daves

AA: they come here too

AA: in their own bubbles

AA: you may cross paths with them if you wish

TG: uh

TG: i think

TG: im up to my neck in dave already

TG: just being one

AA: ha

AA: i know the feeling :)

TG: still doesnt seem right though

TG: why are you even here like why are you showing me this

AA: im not showing you im just visiting your bubble

AA: it projects your thoughts and memories

AA: as well as other things relevant to you much like the clouds do in skaia

TG: but like

TG: if im seeing this

TG: shouldnt i be able to do something about it

TG: or stop it from happening or

TG: i dont know like anything to keep helping my friends

TG: what do i do

AA: nothing

AA: none of this is your business anymore

AA: its time to move on

TG: where are we now

AA: oh look this was my hive!

AA: before it was destroyed

TG: oh so this is the trollplanet

TG: pretty cool not really what i pictured

AA: what did you picture

TG: i dont know its more subdued

TG: i pictured a lot more mayhem like

TG: a bunch of trolls flying around in little grub pods constantly screaming at each other through bullhorns shaped like buckets

AA: thats very silly and a little perverse

TG: hahaha

AA: but actually that sounds like what it might have been like on some parts of the planet sooo

TG: can we not go to those parts

AA: ill put in a good word with your bubble about it

TG: awesome

TG: so what am i supposed to do now that im dead

TG: what is like

TG: the primary activity here

TG: that ghosts get their shit worked up over

TG: like

TG: where are the fucking hauntoffs at is what im asking

AA: i dont know about hauntoffs

AA: but there is plenty of time to satisfy various curiosities you might have about existence and whatnot

TG: boring

AA: is it

TG: just kidding that sounds cool

AA: oh! yes

TG: what else

AA: there are all sorts of friends to meet

AA: ones you already know and ones you dont

AA: there is plenty of time for just about anything

AA: lots and lots of time

AA: enough time to understand that time isnt much of anything at all

TG: it isnt

AA: time is like a game

AA: just one fun game in realitys cupboard which is full of them

AA: its the one we are the best at!

AA: while other people are better at the other games

AA: but when all the games are back in the cupboard everyone is about the same

AA: and games are fun but sometimes you dont realize how much fun you were having until theyre all over

AA: and sometimes you look back and realize for some stupid reason you werent having any fun at all!

AA: then you laugh

TG: ha

TG: haha

TG: i bet you meant a laugh a whole lot less shitty than that

AA: that laugh will suffice

AA: hey!

AA: want to see inside my hive

TG: yeah sure

TG: well

TG: how about later

TG: not that that doesnt sound cool but i kind of want to just go home

TG: and i guess chill for a while cause i guess it was all a bit much

TG: if thats ok and i guess also possible

AA: it is quite possible and more than ok

AA: it seems you have a hiveguest dave

TG: aw hell no

TG: is this who i think this is

AA: tavros has been looking forward to meeting you

AT: hEYYY,

AT: fIRST, oK, i THINK YOU'RE FANTASTIC,

AT: wHICH IS TO SAY, jUST AN ENVIABLY COOL GUY, wHO i ADMIRE,

AT: lET'S PUT THAT COMPLIMENT ON THE TABLE WHERE WE CAN BOTH SEE IT,

TG: holy shit

AT: lOOKS LIKE i FOUND ANOTHER POINT IN TIME TO BOTHER YOU,

AT: wHEN, i GUESS,

AT: yOU ARE MORE EMOTIONALLY SUSCEPTIBLE,

AT: }:)

TG: dude

TG: are those sick fires youre packing there

TG: you best not be bringin that fire into my bubble less you plan on dropping that shit

AT: oHH, bRO,

AT: tHESE ARE WITHOUT ANY CONFUSION TO BE NOTED AS SOME TRULY UNHEALTHY INCENDIARIES,

AT: tHEY ARE IN ABOVE AVERAGE NEED OF MEDICAL ATTENTION,

AT: sO, iN OTHER WORDS, jUST TO COMPLETE THE ANALOGY, i HOPE YOU KNOW A LICENSED PHYSICIAN,

TG: i am your general fucking practitioner and doctors orders are to shut up and burn down my goddamn office

TG: ill break your brittle ass like a graham cracker and well roast smores over the flaming debris have i made myself clear

AT: aH, hAHA, yES, aND,

AT: cERTAIN FEATURES OF YOUR PALE ANATOMY MAY SERVE AS THE MARSH MALLOW INGREDIENT, nEEDED FOR THE MOLTEN SNACK,

AT: i WILL PROVIDE THE FUDGE, }:D

TG: dude

TG: gross

TG: so aradia just so were clear

TG: this is like a hellbubble right

TG: its my eternal punishment to have shitty rapoffs with this tool forever is that it

AA: yes you figured out the mystery!

TG: i guess i had it coming for a flagrant lifetime spent being unbelievably fucking incredible at rap and just about practically everything else

TG: except not dying

AA: you may think so but then again you have not faced team charge in a match of slam poetry have you

AT: oHHHH, yESSS,

AA: just kidding im no good at slam poetry haha sorry

AT: oHHHH,

AT: oH, }:(

TG: so is he dead

TG: he looks dead

AA: yes hes dead

TG: what about you

TG: you dont look dead

TG: are you dreaming

AA: no i am wide awake

AA: and i physically stand before you in person!

TG: so

TG: youre not dead

AA: oh no

AA: i am very much alive

AA: and i intend to stay that way :)

[glitterytidalwavedragon]

Expanding into my other Fandoms (I’m gonna have to take a stance) Read the whole thing please.

One of my oldest and most beloved anime is Inuyasha. As of late I have been binged watching the hell out of it as I am getting my BFF into different anime shows. We are really close to entering the Yashahime part of the series, and she asked if I planned to write fanfiction involving the one character which made me even watch the show as a 10-year-old.

Sesshomaru

The first episode I ever watched involved this aloof, entitled dog fighting his brother over the sword in their father’s grave. Specifically, it was part 3 of that whole episode series were Kagome pulled out the sword. I at the time had 3 dogs of German Sheppard/wolf hybrid, they were MASSIVE dogs, fell in love with the big white fluff that was Sesshomaru’s demon form. I use to sneak staying up and watch the show faithfully to see the goodest boy as it was only on at 11pm EST on adult swim. Which meant it was bad and I was breaking the rules, I felt like a rebel.

Now I hesitated answering that question. She has no idea of what is in Yashahime, she is being careful not to spoil it so I told her I didn’t know. Recently, to find out what the feel is for Sesshomaru content, I looked into the tag on tumblr…

OH MY GOD.

Sesshomaru’s tag is FLOODED with hate. Like every four post, there is hate, distain, and attacking happening. As someone who watches Yashahime, I quickly knew why.

Sessrin.

Even now I sigh. And I sigh HARD. I am not for, nor am I against the Sessrin train. Same for the Sesskagu train. I think both sides need to look at things on a logical prospective. I plan to do just that. I know I will get hate from the either side and maybe some support as well. But if I am going to do anything in this fandom (as I like doing ships and reader inserts) it will come up.

So, like my Kaiba post, and my Sebastian Heel post, I will use my research skills as well as my COLLEGE DEGREE WHICH HAS BOTH ART AND MEDIEVAL HISTORY labelled on it to explain why this progression in the story is normal to anti-Sessrin fans and why this isn’t a crime by story standards nor should we look at it as a crime.

AS WELL

Explain to Sessrin fans why it is so weird for non-shippers to see it play out and why so much hate formed.

As I let out another sigh, we shall begin. Let’s start at an historical prospective. (Links at the bottom).

PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING! I’LL BE ABLE TO TELL!

~~

I will start with the information I can access right away.

While finding charts on the life-span of common folk in 1590’s Feudal Japan is rather difficult, Ancient.edu states that the average lifespan was about 50. To put this in perspective, the average lifespan of Europeans at the time was somewhere between 40-45 with the latter being rare. Since most of us reading are not from Japanese descent, I will through Europe in this first.

If we look at the same time frame of 1590, we are looking at most of Western Europe had now entered the age of Renaissance. According to sources from Learning Resources in association with the National Gallery of Art, marriage was not what TV drama’s from HBO or Hulu depicted. By today standards they would be a crime, as the average age for marriage of an adult female was age 14…

The reasoning behind the young marriage age had multiple factors. First being, females were considered an adult once they were menstruating. Birthing also proved to be fatal, and since the lifespan was at best 40 and 45 if they were lucky, there was really no room to wait. Also Europe at the time had became hugely focused on making sure blood lines were legitimate, meaning to ensure the girl was a virgin, the moment she was able to reproduced she was married off. Those they married were not young teenagers either. Most marriages, a man would be in their thirties, and had probably multiple wives as women died more than men when not counting the battle field.

To make matters worse for the Renaissance Lady, these marriages would leave many young males unable to marry and if their husband died in battle, well, unfortunately they were not seen as desirable. This was due to the idea of a ‘free woman’. Should the girl not have a father, brother or uncle to return to as they too died, a widow had her freedom. But that freedom came at a cost. She would be assumed to have slept around, and in many writings, such as the Canterbury Tales, where Geoffrey Chaucer writes about a Window on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land survived her five husbands and the men in her family. In short, she was made to be a slut and to be looked down upon as no man controlled her.

The point of talking about Europe is because that is something most of us Non-Asian or Japanese people consume and like to paint in large romantic brush strokes of knights and magic. Honestly, reading G.R.R.Martin Song of Ice and Fire, he uses this model as we see the Queen of Dragons, Danny start off at age thirteen shortly after she had her first menstruation.  

Now let’s look at Feudal Japan.

As stated before, the lifespan was around 50 years. In some populations, this was even shorter. Nagaoka, Hirata, Yokota and Matsu’ura’s on demographic data at the Yuigahama-minami area in Kamakura, Japan and found both male and female remains that suggested life expectancy to have ended around age 24-25. This was largely due to living conditions and public health. In areas like these, it would make the most sense to marry and repopulate quickly as the expectancy of life was half the national average at the time.

To my frustration, I could not find a clear marriage age for Japanese women at the time of the edo period. HOWEVER, where there is a will there is a way. I took a look at famous Lords or Daimyo’s of the time. The average age of marriage of their wives was between 12-14. Much younger than I expected, but it made sense considering this is a time where war ran the show and marriage was strictly about political gain. One of these Daimyo’s was Masamune Date, who was also 13, but then as he got older took concubines who became considerably younger than him as he became older. The goal was to have as many children as possible for hires and for political marriages to gain power.

Now lets look at Inuyasha the MANGA

Lets get the manga timeline proper here. The whole adventure took place in 11 months, a month shy of Kagome’s 16th birthday. Doing a few estimations, Rin would have travelled with Sesshomaru about 8-9 of those months. But before we get into the relationship, lets look at something the ANIME made a huge mistake with in the beginning and tried to fix as the story went on.

For some reason I could only fine gifs for the Early appearances of Sesshomaru so bear with me.

Early appearances in the manga

 ^ He was so fickle and a trickster then...

Now early apperances in the anime.

Later appearance in the manga

Laster appearance in the anime

Notice the issue here? 

Sesshomaru was CONSIDERABLY younger looking in the start of the manga. In the anime, he started off looking like an fully adult male. But as the anime went on, they tried to make Sesshomaru look younger with subtle changes to his jaw line, eye size, and his height. Yeah, his height had changed. They made him shorter.

While in the manga, we see this young-teen looking demon, slowly mature over 11 months to look like he is in his later teens and by series end, closer to being in his late teens or twenty. Yes, art changes over time, but the anime went a reverse route. I can only guess they spoke to the author of Inuyasha about her ships, as they did Drama CDs, and realized the mistake that was made in making him more mature than he was.

You can’t tell me he doesn’t look closer to his manga self in the final act, because he does.

Since we are on the topic of the anime, lets be clear. The anime timeline and manga timeline are very different. The story in the anime (in the English) suggests that OVER a year has past since Kagome started her journey. They try to fix this in the final act, but it was still so muddled as previous seasons are to be taken as cannon. This could have been due to an translation error in the early production when the anime no longer had anymore manga material to reference. But whatever the case, for English viewers the time the group spent together felt much longer.

So now we come to the heart of the issue.

Because of the mistakes of the anime, a lot of anti-sessrin see the relationship as father daughter. I’ll be honest, watching the anime and solely the anime as a teenager and as an adult (as the manga was on hold for a very long time due to author’s health. I was in college when it finished.), I too thought it was just a father-daughter relationship and Jaken the nanny who got punched all the time. In fact, the English took hard liberties with Kagura, as the English dubs often do with characters, and made it very clear her feelings for the demon lord and Sesshomaru very much recognized them (though he never responded). Even in her death scene, it felt as if he was saying good bye to a friend more than love interest. But who really knows, as there are things that point otherwise.  When another demon mock’s Kagura’s death, Sesshomaru gets super pissy.

The manga did also play with this fact when it came out in English, idk if the wording or message is different in the Japanese. Translation errors happen a lot even in todays releases, look at Kuroshitsuji.  So of course most anti-sessrin’s did not see this coming in Yashahime when Rin was named mother. In fact it felt like a betrayal as we were sure Sesshomaru had no romantic feelings.

Then there was the Kohaku/Rin mashup that was hinted left and right. The English anime, with its overly dramatic and blunt emotions made it appear one way. That in the end the two kids would probably be married. Then the anime as a whole made Sesshomaru older than intended. I can see why and understand how this became a problem.

On the other side of that coin.

If you followed the dub, seen ‘Swords of an Honorable Ruler’ and read the manga… Sesshomaru was not fatherly to Rin at all. In fact, Jaken picked up all of that leg work. Rin worried for Kohaku, but clearly loved Lord Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru cared about Kagura but he almost CRIED when he lost Rin.

We have to remember that Sesshomaru and Rin’s relationship must have been very hard for the demon. While we never see his mental process expect for a few rare times, we have to remember he hated humans. In the movie, he blamed a human for the early death of his father, Sesshomaru killed without mercy. It made sense that he wouldn’t be fatherly to Rin as her just being there should have caused countless inner conflicts. Hell, he even says his father’s weakness was humans, and look who picked up that trait.

Sesshomaru was designed to, someday, walk in his father’s footsteps. So sess/rin, not a surprise. Also when you see it in a historical perspective, Rin having kids around age 15-16, makes sense. In fact you could argue he waited too long for the time period.

We also need to look more at the manga when concerned with Yashahime. 8-9 months is all Rin travelled with him and he was like hold up, and left her at the village because he KNEW she needed to come to her own conclusion. That no matter what she picked he would live with and protect her. Unconditional love on his end. She cannon wise spent YEARS living with humans and MONTHS with Sesshomaru. Again, by manga standards of cannon.

Now I can already hear the screaming about age and what not. Some sources say Sesshomaru is over 900, by the rule of thumb, if we look at anime and movie releases, we have Sesshomaru being over 500 with no define age and Inuyasha around 270 years old being more pinpointed due to the movie. Just by going by ANIME CANNON. Kagome and Inuyasha, you have a 15 year old with a 270 year old man. If you say being pinned to the tree doesn’t count, then you have 220.

Also, here is something very interesting. In the episode where Inuyasha meets the unmother, he tells her, thinking it was his mom, she died when he was very small and we have flash backs later in the series of him being small running from demons. Demons clearly age much slower than humans, even half-demons. Inuyasha can be 270 but mentally and physically be 15, the same logic works for Sesshomaru, who in the manga is not much older than Inuyasha.

In the manga, there wasn’t any grooming, in the anime, there was a ton of mess-ups but no grooming.

Would this fly in todays world? HELL NO! NO, its gross, she’s a kid. Stop.

I know any fanfic I write will lean heavily on the side of father/daughter because that is what I grew up seeing on the screen. I can’t think of Rin as an adult because years of seeing her as a cheerful little girl. It’s like seeing G.O.T Arya about to have sex for the first time in season 8… I remember when she was a kid on the show. It was way to weird and I had to look away until it ended. But that’s my 2021 mentality.

But Inuyasha is not taking place in 2021. Feudal Japan is a whole other era with its own beliefs, morals and way of life. Those who understand this have nothing wrong with them. They just understand history.

Also, just to bang some nails in…

Anyone remember Bleach? Remember the MOST accepted couple was Ichigo and Rukia…. Rukia who was hundreds of years old and Ichigo who was 15… or Ichigo’s mom who was a teenager and his dad also hundreds of years old.

Most of this also boils down to Sesshomaru being a dude. As in reverse roles in animes its accepted and they don’t have the same historical context. Inuyasha is based off of historical context of Feudal Japan.

We need to stop spreading hate. We can’t accept some forms of literature because its European fantasy but bash other fantasy based literature for doing the same thing.

Sure, its weird for those who were use to seeing the father/daughter dynamic. Yes, there are extreme sessrin fans who post really questionable illegal content when they decide to leave Rin as an 8-year-old…

But this wasn’t ever meant to be perverted. The story was meant to make sense on a logical and historical base.

I hope everyone takes the time to read this. I love Inuyasha, I love Sesshomaru. I am just sick of seeing so many people fighting over what should be the revival of a beloved series. While yes, there is still room for sess/rin not being a thing, until it is stated otherwise, why hate each other? This fandom will only lose people by doing this. Calling people names or accusing them of illegal endorsement can hurt someone these days over social media.

Tumblr allows you to block tags. You don’t have to read anything or watch anything you don’t like. We gain nothing from attacking each other but can lose so much by doing so. Fanart, really good fan fiction, friends, ideas, sharing fond memories. Both sides have the right to feel as they feel, but no right in hurting each other.

A fandom is meant to bring people together. Not start a war…

Thank you.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ajpa.20402

http://www.italianrenaissanceresources.com/units/unit-2/essays/husbands-and-wives/#:~:text=Marriage%20not%20only%20reflected%20order,to%20ensure%20the%20bride's%20virginity.

https://www.ancient.eu/Canterbury_Tales/

https://www.ancient.eu/article/1424/daily-life-in-medieval-japan/#:~:text=Just%20as%20Japanese%20people%20today,in%20Western%20Europe%2C%20for%20example.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_Masamune

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megohime

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #135: Martha (Ruler)

Summer goes by so fast, doesn’t it? Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re making the last of the summer 1 servants, Martha! By the end of this build you too can punch a dragon so hard people on the other side get hurt.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: Mana prism power make up!

Race and Background

Martha’s still a Human, but since this is a variant of her normal build this is also a Variant Human. That gives her +1 Wisdom, +1 Constitution, proficiency in Animal Handling if the Tarrasque gets too uppity, and the Crusher feat. That nets you +1 Strength, and once per turn you can move a large or smaller creature when you hit it with a bludgeoning attack. Also, dealing critical damage with a bludgeoning attack gives advantage to all attack rolls against that creature for a round. We haven’t even hit level one yet and you’re already breaking bones.

Like last time, you’re still an Acolyte, giving you Insight and Religion proficiency. I don’t think I have to explain why those skills are good for Saint Martha.

Ability Scores

Despite everything you’re still a woman of the cloth, so your Wisdom should be as high as possible. Like I said in the opening your punches pack a punch, so Strength is second. Third is Constitution. Your Natural Body means you can shrug off poisons pretty easily. After that is Dexterity, because if you’re going to fight in a bikini you’d better be fast. Your Charisma isn’t great, mostly because we couldn’t make everything an 18, but we’re dumping Intelligence. It’s not like the other summer servants will notice.

Class Levels

1. If you want to punch through a dragon, monk levels are a must. First level monks get Martial Arts, letting you make an unarmed attack as a bonus action after you attack with your main action. There’s monk weapons too, but we’re just here for unarmed attacks. You can also use your dexterity instead of strength for attacks, but we’re not gonna do that. You can also use your martial arts die when you make unarmed damage rolls, and it grows as you level up. You also get Unarmored Defenses, giving you an AC of 10+ your wisdom mod + your dexterity mod to help with the whole “bikini armor” thing.

Finally, you get proficiency in Strength and Dexterity saves, as well as two monk skills. Athletics for a beach body, and History because you’re a servant, so duh.

2. Second level monks get Ki points, a number per short rest equal to your level, that you can spend to dash, disengage, dodge, or attack twice as a bonus action. You also get Unarmored Movement, increasing your walking speed as long as you’re only wearing a swimsuit. If the other players ask, it’s absolutely necessary.

3. Third level monks seek out a monastic tradition, and we’re going for a real throwback this time- the Way of Tranquility will give us all the holy power we need, and eventually, fists strong enough to tame a dragon. When you set down the Path of Tranquility you can cast Sanctuary on yourself for free once per minute. Any creature that tries to attack you must first make a wisdom save (dc 8+your wisdom modifier + proficiency) or redirect the attack. The effect still ends if you make an attack, but creatures that break through the effect are immune for an hour. 

You also get Healing Hands, giving you the same effects as a paladin’s Lay on Hands, but you get 10 times your level in healable HP each long rest. You can also replace a flurry of blows attack with this feature when you use it. Slap your party back to life!

You can also Deflect Missiles, reacting to incoming arrows and the like to reduce the damage you take. If you reduce it to zero, you can also spend a ki point to throw it back as a part of the same reaction!

4. Fourth level monks can Slow Fall, spending a reaction to reduce damage taken from falling. You also get your first Ability Score Improvement, bumping up your Wisdom for a higher AC and stronger Sanctuary.

5. Fifth level monks get an Extra Attack each attack action, and can turn their attacks into Stunning Strikes by spending ki, forcing the creature they hit to make a constitution save or be stunned for a round.

6.  Sixth level monks have magical hands thanks to their Ki-empowered Strikes, letting them get around resistances. Tranquility monks also become an Emissary of Peace, giving you advantage on charisma checks to calm down people, as long as they aren’t deception or intimidation checks. You also get proficiency in the persuasion skill.

7.  Your Evasion supercharges your dexterity saves, meaning you take half damage on failures and no damage on successes. If you’re going to tame a dragon you’d better get good at dealing with fire breath. Your Stillness of Mind also lets you end charms or frightening effects on yourself as an action. Honestly, you’re kind of the one who does the frightening around here.

8. Use this ASI to bump up your Strength for stronger and more accurate attacks. Now we’re talking.

9. Your Unarmored Movement Improvement lets you run on water and up walls, as long as your turn ends on solid ground. Perfect for those long walks on the beach.

10. Your Purity of Body makes you immune to disease and poison. Ki manipulation is really similar to being a cleric, now that we’re looking at it. Ah well, just makes it that much easier to reflavor it.

11. Eleventh level tranquility monks can Douse the Flames of War, using your action to force a wisdom save on a creature you touch. It automatically doesn’t work if the creature’s missing any HP, but if it does work it can’t deal damage or force saves for a minute, or until it’s attacked, takes damage, makes a saving throw, or sees its allies do any of the above.

12. Use this ASI to grab the Tough feat for a free 24 HP, plus two extra every time you level up. If you’re going to brawl, you’d better be ready to take some hits. For the lord, of course.

13. The Tongue of the Sun and Moon means that you now effectively speak and understand every spoken language. I mean, yeah, I guess that is technically a power Jesus gave to people, so it kinda fits. It also means you don’t have to wait for the translations Type Moon is never going to do on most of their work, so I envy you.

14. Your Diamond Soul gives you proficiency in all saving throws, and you can spend a ki point to re-roll a failed save. Pretty easy to reflavor that as god’s favor tbh.

15. Your Timeless Body now suffers no negative effects of old age (not that there’s any to begin with RAW) and you can’t be aged magically. Honestly that’s a really good thing considering we’re still sticking to the bikini.

Also you no longer need food or water, save it for your guests.

16. Use this ASI for more Strength, so you can punch even harder and nothing else. Stronks are always valid. You also get one point of Dexterity for... later.

17. If you’ve read this far, you’re probably thinking, “Fateandphantasms you dolt! You forgot to make this build super good at punching!” Hahaha, wrong. The final ability tranquility monks get is the Anger of a Gentle Soul. If you see a creature take someone else down to 0 HP, you can use your reaction to gain a damage bonus against them until the end of your next turn. That damage bonus is equal to your monk level. You can use this once per short rest.

18. Now that you can finally punch a hole through a Tarrasque, it’s time to diversify. As a Fighter, you get a Fighting Style: The Mariner fighting style gives you +1 to your AC, and you get a climbing and swimming speed, the perfect fit for a deserted island.

You also get a Second Wind, healing yourself as a bonus action, but honestly your healing hands are probably better.

19. Second level fighters get most of the reason we came here, Action Surge! Tack an extra action onto your turn for extra punching!

20. If you really want to powergame I’d suggest taking echo knight here for the extra attacks, but we’re sticking to character here, so go the way of the Champion for Improved Criticals. Now you deal critical hits on 19s and 20s!

Pros:

There’s a reason this UA isn’t really used any more. Adding a +17 modifier to your attack damage for a round means you can do ridiculous amounts of damage in a very short time. Toss in that action surge and a flurry of blows and you’re dealing 6d10+126 damage. That can ko a couple of builds on this account before we even start rolling!

Having proficiency on every save, nearly permanent Indomitable, and near permanent Sanctuary means you can just kind of ignore enemies if you don’t feel like fighting them. That doesn’t even get into the fact that you can shut them down on a save too.

You have more healing than a paladin, and you can move 110 feet in a round to administer that healing. If someone goes down, you can probably be there to help them back up. Or just kill whoever did it, either or.

Cons:

As a stronk, your AC isn’t amazing. It’s not even that bad, but when you’re a frontline fighter who can explode without warning you’re doing to bring a lot of attention on yourself, and that bikini isn’t going to help you here.

Playing to character means you’re only using your fists, which have a range of five feet. Flyers are going to be an issue, as are any monks who stuck it out until at least level 18.

A lot of this build is dependent on really old UA, so odds are most DMs aren’t going to let it slide for your average game. Ah well, Summer’s almost over anyway.

[seasidewriter1-writes]

Replying to @elizabeth0020 for: Hello!! I’ve always wondered how you decide what arcs/episodes you’re going to write? There are sooooo many, how do you know what’s a good one for your story vs one that isn’t? And a second question (if you feel like answering lol): how do you picture all the details you wrote? Like lighting, movements, facial expression etc? You’re so good at that and I’ve always been amazed at how you come up with them!

I love answering anything and everything, so never worry about sending me too much! I don’t often get to talk about the technical stuff (like the questions you’ve asked), so I love getting any chance I have to talk about them! (So hold on tight, ‘cause this is a ramble! 😂)

So, for the first question regarding the arcs... I picked out what episodes/arcs I thought were beneficial when I did my first watch through of the Clone Wars this past summer. I had a google doc that I wrote down all the episode names in, then jotted down the preliminary ideas. Let me tell you, with a show that has seven seasons of 20+ episodes, it was... so daunting to even think about narrowing down what episodes and arcs to use. It was what initially deterred me from using any of them at all. So I started to look for things that I felt would directly impact Elara, her character, and her development. For example, I didn’t really use all of “Cat and Mouse” because the episode, on a whole, wouldn’t have Elara much involved in it. It did, however, provide a wonderful backdrop for her time on Christophsis, which is why I didn’t nix it entirely. Aside from forcing Obi-Wan and Elara to be tied together, “Dooku Captured” and “The Gungan General” were used to introduce her to Hondo, whom both allows her to be more playful, and showcases her knowledge of the seedier side of the galaxy. And there are plenty of episodes that I love and adore that I just... don’t think would fit. For as much as I love “Senate Spy” and the introduction of Clovis, there’s no way for me to put Elara into that episode and not have it feel forced. That’s another huge thing I look for when picking episodes; if Elara doesn’t feel like she would naturally fit into the storyline somehow, even if it’s indirectly, I’m not going to force her into it. That’s when I do things like mention the events of the episode in a chapter (like with “Clone Cadets”) instead of doing a whole episode. So Clovis is obviously going to get a mention (she’s Anakin’s sister and Padmé’s bestie, of course she’s going to hear about the debacle), but the whole episode won’t be written out.

Then, of course, you have the arcs. The ones that I had immediately chosen are (and these probably come as no surprise): Ryloth, Mandalore, Mortis, Slavers, and Deception. The arcs I find easier to choose because you have a chance to work with more surface area so to speak. It gives me a chance to really flesh out Elara’s part in the story, focus in on her and her emotions and how she’s tied to this particular plot. With the Mortis Arc, for example––Elara is a Skywalker. She is strong with the Force, and in the “Balance” verse, considered a Chosen One. That ties her into the Mortis Arc very interestingly, since it’s not just Anakin going God Mode. It’s going to lend me the chance to really dig deep into Elara, her connection to the Force, to the Light and Dark (the Daughter and Son), and her relationship to being a Chosen One. At first I was like ‘holy shit I’m never gonna be able to do this arc,’ and then when I buckled down and really thought it over... I realized it’s going to be really important for her as a character, and particularly her relationship with Anakin (stay tuned!). It also probably comes as no surprise that a lot of the arcs (and episodes) that get picked are influenced by whether or not Anakin or Obi-Wan are in them. Which is why I almost turned a blind eye to the Umbara Arc until someone brought it up. I did a rewatch of it and knew I had to include it, too. Because that’s going to be an awesome opportunity to flesh out how close Elara is to the 442nd, and be able to contrast her ideals as a General against those of Krell. A lot of the picking of episodes and arcs ends up being trial and error. I wrote the first four-ish pages of “Clone Cadets” before I realized it just didn’t flow right.

All this being said, I like to envision Elara is around for all of the Clone Wars episodes, so I’ve got lots of fun little random snippets for things that I’ll probably never write, but figure would happen in some part of a CW episode.

And after all that, here we finally are at your second question! ☺️

Coming up with all those small details is actually an amalgamation of things at work. I do attribute a lot of it to my training as an actor/theatre artist. I think about how, if I were directing it, how I’d want the movements to look, and how that would translate on both a small scale, and a large scale. A touch of a hand for Obi-Wan and Elara can feel like a world shifting movement––but come off as nothing but a simple, friendly gesture to their fellows. On a small scale, what makes the difference is the way the touch happens. How light the pressure of the touch is, how long it lasts, how slowly their fingers brush against the other person’s hand... all those things help me figure out the mood of that touch and how they’d respond to it. Also, when choosing words to describe movements I often think about the attitude attached to it. A ‘turn of the head’ when Anakin’s being moody may end up being a ‘swivel,’ or the ‘arch’ of an eyebrow from Obi-Wan is more sarcastic than a gentler ‘raise.’ I often agonize picking out those sorts of words. I’ll sit there and try them over and over again, then put them all into a Thesaurus website because I worry I use the same words too much. The thesaurus (particularly when writing Obi-Wan), is my best friend.

When I write mannerisms for canon characters, I use a lot of reference for. I’ll literally just scroll through gifs, watch movie clips, or rewatch the scene I’m writing to pick up on character-specific mannerisms. A couple chapters ago I was describing Anakin’s angry face, and I just looked at images of him from Revenge of the Sith (him alone in the Council room, him being knighted as Vader, his expressions on Mustafar, etc.) I’ll also do this for vocal ticks/inflections. I will also unashamedly admit I will sit there and compose my face into whatever expression I’m trying to describe. Sometimes feeling it physically, or physically composing it helps me come up with words or ways to describe the look. Same thing with touches AND with vocal inflection. Do I sit by myself and read what I’ve written aloud in my best Obi-Wan Kenobi cadence? Yes, yes I do. And has it helped me figure out what words/phrases do and do not work? Yes, it absolutely has!

Also, a lot of describing the details of motion/facial expression/touch gets affected by music for me. Like, if you listen to “Stairway to Heaven” as played by the London Philharmonic Orchestra while reading, say, the scene in “The Gungan General” where Obi-Wan and Elara wake up pressed up to one another... that song is just THE feel of that moment. Listening to the right music when writing (the little details especially) is big for me. Kinda like how “Blue Monday” is the music that works best for the bunker scene in “Storm Over Ryloth.”

There are also a lot of details that I pull from real life. I remember when I wrote Elara seeing Naboo for the first time—and consequently grass, trees, and flowers, too—it was summer time for me. I was staring out at the trees and the way the light filtered through them, watched how they swayed... the grass had just been cut and the breeze smelled sweet... and I was like ‘god, imagine experiencing this all for the first time.’ So I took what I felt and elevated it a little, tried to add a kind of wonder to the things that we all, for the most part, kinda take for granted. I like pulling on experiences I’ve had in real life as a basis.

I ask attribute a LOT of my detail work to my training as a theatre artist. I think about lighting now differently than I did a couple years ago; because I learned what kinda of light fit different moods. Like the scene of Obi-Wan at Dex’s would feel completely different if I’d described the light as cool toned. It would lack a sense of hope. His reminiscences would be sadder, it would feel more stark. The warmer tones suggest that there’s still heart and hope, a possibility for things to get better, and that reflects his inner life better than colder, bluer light. Or how I used light when I wrote Elara seeing Watto again after 10 years to describe her struggle between Dark and Light in that moment. She stepped out of the sun and into the shade because, for a moment, she almost gave in to the Darkness. (Inspired by the scene in Force Awakens where Kylo asks for Han’s help and the light shines down on them... with hints of red low lighting to hint at the struggle... only to have the light disappear as he overrides his own vulnerability, reverts to the Darkness and kills his own father).

I also love using physical objects as emotional triggers, like is done in theatre quite a bit. A good recent example being Elara’s lightsaber. Obi-Wan having it reminds him of his worries regarding her safety, and his struggle with choosing what path to take in regards to his feelings towards her. Or Elara with the Snow Blossom. These things have the ability to spark different emotions depending on the situation. On a good day, the Snow Blossom will make her smile; on a bad day, it may make her feel more sad than happy. And sometimes they don’t have to be objects—they can be bruises or scars or healing wounds. Having something physical spark an emotional response can be really helpful, and has actually helped me though rough spots in my writing.

I could literally go on for hours about all of this kind of stuff! So thank you for asking about it and giving me a chance to discuss it even a little bit! ☺️

[jimmythejiver]

For the first time in a long time I went to the movies in forever and then to Target. At Target I see some Godiva bars on discount yellow tags and I was ecstatic until I read 70% Cacao, Dark, Salted Caramel and was deflated.

Anyway that's how I felt about seeing The Green Knight. What you thought this was about chocolate?

No see since the pandemic I've been back on my perennial King Arthur kick. I've for a long time since I was a young preteen thought, someday I too will write my own King Arthur epic and it'll be gay, magical, gangster and culty too, but for now I'll make up my own stories for practice and then with every story I got attached too, it got too involved and convoluted to the point that when it came down to actually writing a novel, I threw it all away and made a space opera I only planned in two weeks and wrote in a month. Anyway...so now I've been writing this very gay, magical, gangster and culty take on Final Fantasy XV with my boyfriend and just fell in love with Somnus Lucis Caelum who nobody has any insight about him than to make him the Mordred to Ardyn's Arthur, which is a strange flex, but okay, I thought about what if I wrote a Dark Age prequel about Ardyn and Somnus, but Ardyn becomes king and Somnus his shogun and they play games of seduction and power because I'm twisted like that. Anyway...I was like I'm never going to write this and I have to keep making up characters based on FFXV characters and King Arthur tropes because there's not a lot of stories that take place during the Dark Ages, it's always some Roman Empire story, or High Middle Ages and FFXV gave no room for either society to happen after the fall of Solheim and the rise of King Somnus...so we left with Dark Ages, y'all, the King Arthur comparisons are obvious, but Ardyn is no Arthur and Somnus is no Mordred, Aera is only Guenevere if you make up an affair with Somnus, Gilgamesh is no Bedwyr/Bedivere, but uh...they both amputees and the oldest companions to their respective kings so...I guess. Anyway making an ancestor of Cor Leonis and deciding well he's Owain/Yvain, or am Ignis type as idk Sir Cai/Kay I guess, they both cook, but Cai's more like Seifer Almasy than any FF character... Anyway I'm losing people.

My plan was to just scrap the FFXV prequel, leave my Somnus ideas into Overtime (a gangster and gods story) and just plan an actual King Arthur adaptation. I'd have King Arthur the treasure hunter, leader of a warband turned founder of Camelot who fights giants, giant cats and dogheads, but also fights King Claudas of the Franks and King Aelle of the Saxons and Cerdic a Briton who puts in his lot with the Saxons, etc. It'd been a a glorified turf war, meanwhile Arthur's gotta make alliances with King Pelles, The Fisher King and his strange cult he's founded because, why yes I find the ends justifies the means prophecy of the Holy Grail Quest very culty because Christianity then does not resemble it now. Meanwhile you got the secondary plots of Mordred, Gawain, Lancelot, Percival, Tristam and other's going on because they matter and too many modern King Arthur stories sideline the knights.

So many have always sidelined Mordred as a final boss eldritch abomination in mortal flesh conceived of sin and give him no personality, or complex motives, or even just a relationship with Arthur. I also have noticed the general sidelining of Lancelot, or give him a chad villain upgrade if you must include him at all, and the villainizing of Gawain to the point that you don't even have to have Mordred, or Agravain as a catalyst shit stirrer in court, just slap Gawain's name on Liam Neeson in a top knot and you're good. Mordred can just be a child offscreen until last act...fuck that, while Morgan Le Fay can either be a villainess plotting her cabal through men, or a well-intentioned, ineffectual idiot. Fuck that.

Now Hollywood just be doing King Arthur first acts that suck ass, only for said director to get rewarded failing upwards by giving this same jerk the Aladdin remake. The tonally shitty, crammed in blockbuster mess of a cliche heroe's journey that sucks.

With that background I was excited for The Green Knight. I read an illustrative version as a kid, I read Tolkien's translation as a teenager, I read Simon Armitage's superior, but with liberties taken translation. I was prepped to go knowing that indie, or not they were going to make changes to weave the disjointed poem together. I'm excited that because this movie exists Project Guternberg's finally thrown Jessie Weston's prose rendition up on their website. I'll be reading that at some point when this blows over.

The movie adaptation makes a lot of...choices, many I wouldn't love, but would forgive had their been a payoff. There was none.

The journey was fine, the cinematography was a breath of fresh air after crappy slo mo, glossy action scenes ruined another. Guys, I don't think I want to see a Zack Snyder Excalibur, it'll marginally be better than Guy Ritchie, but that ain't saying anything. Leave Excalibur to the post-Star Wars 80s where it is impeccable for it's time. I liked Green Knight's breathable pacing, it's color palette's in the forests and mountains made up for the muddy grey of every Ridley Scott send up in the castles and villages in every other Dark Ages/Medieval story in the last I don’t know since the shitty 00′s. For all the dark tones when there was blues, greens, yellows or reds, they were vibrant in this movie to contrast the gloom of Britain. The soundtrack was good. This isn't all what makes a movie, but it enhances it so let's get to the story and what I did and didn't like.

Things I Liked: Gawain is still a novice in his career The Costume Dressing Everyone pronounces Gawain's name different. I pronounce it like Gwayne, or Guh Wayne, but here you got Gowen (like Owen), Gowan (like Rowan), or even Garlon who I'm pretty sure is the Fisher King's heir in some versions of that Arthurian story, so uh... The reference to Arthur slaying 960 men with his bare hands (Nennius for the win!) The Waste Land that is implied to be a site of a battle (an important aspect of the Arthurian landscape) The Fox companion No long grisly, drawn out hunting scenes. The Fox lives! No misogynist speeches

Things I'm Mixed: This being a dream, is the magic real? Are the giants? Is the Green Knight a figment of Gawain's imagination from a spell Morgan casted in him to hallucinate? Is Lord and Lady also figments? It's...a way to interpret the poem, but lazy and I don't see why it's got to all fantasy, or all dream...this movie makes it too vague you're stuck picking one camp than to accept it's a fantasy with dream and hallucinatory sequences.

Things I'm Meh: Morgan Le Fay as Gawain's mom. Look I fucking hate Morgause as a character and these two get merged and steal each other's aspects so much at this point the difference is who did they marry, King Urien or King Lot? Both are attributed to being Mordred's mom, Mordred is Gawain's brother...both practice magic depending on certain incarnations, both love and hate Arthur their brother and are in conflict with him. Saint Winifred. I actually liked this sequence, but I don't appreciate her as the tacked on wife in the later dream sequence as like...a contrast between the wife you should marry than the whore next door you don't respect anyway? I don't even know what lesson I'm supposed to get out of the damn dream sequence, or any of it? That Gawain should've married his girlfriend and then he'd be a just ruler? That he shouldn't be king? That he'd never have to make the same heartless, impartial choices? I don't know, he seemed like a king doing king shit because guess what? It never gets easier. Wars will be waged. The world didn't become better because he married the right woman, respected her and lived in obscurity. The world didn't become better because he made her his queen. We certainly don't know the world would be better Gawain had his head chopped off and dead XP They never reveal the Lord and the Green Knight as one and the same because of this shit.

Things I Hated: Arthur withdraws from the challenge because he's old. In poem he takes it on and Gawain takes it so he don't have to and he finds himself more disposable than the king. Gawain only takes the challenge because of arrogance. Arthur and Gawain had no prior personal relationship. I'd not have hated this so much if it wasn't compounded by it cancelling out the first two things. Gawain is portrayed as having no respect for his woman, or any woman, maybe his mother? He has to be pushed by Winifred to regain her head. Gawain is portrayed as arrogant, covetous and ready to pass the buck, or the bare minimum than have any honor or decency. It didn't matter the kid in the wasteland was shithead bandit, the way Gawain acted towards him, when he gets robbed, it almost feels like he deserved it and Gawain doesn't learn a damn lesson. I'll admit him taking the sword to cut his ropes and cutting his hands was a neat sequence, it shows him go from stupid, to almost clever and having will to survive...you know traits he had in the poem, but he stops showing these traits or growing. Basically Gawain has to be dragged kicking and screaming to help people and shows no fortitude when facing temptation, or when showing respect towards others, it's exhausting. You don't make this kind of journey story without character growth. Why are you skipping this? Also is it just me, or is this like when you take Frank Miller Batman and transport him onto a Bill Finger story? This is at best Thomas Malory Gawain (and this is charitable) transported on the earlier Pearl Poet's story. Stop it. It's not tonally correct and goes at odds with the story and the set up characterization you'd need to tell it. Speaking of which, you know how I get through the oof... of Liam Neeson Gawain in Excalibur? By pretending he Agravain instead. Here...I don't even think Gawain could pass as Mordred in spite of his covetous nature, lust and entitlement. Why? because I don't think even Mordred is this dumb to warrant this hubris. Essel being invented as a tacked on love interest just to be shit on utterly and for what? I don't think I have much commentary here as there is no Essel I'm aware of to compare, or stack up. I just notice this trope of like...usually if you include a sex worker in Hollywood she often has a heart of gold, she often has her own sense of values that goes at odds with society, but is more true and less hypocritical than a privileged lady’s. I thought that's what they would've done with the added trope of back at home sweetheart to contrast and pit her against the despicable femme fatale of Lady Bertilak and her adultery and her ladyship...and I'm glad they didn't...but you did nothing with Essel than to shit on her for existing when you made her exist, you know. Lady Bertilak being portrayed as the seductress devil incarnate. Look I know adultery is a touchy taboo, but uh her and Gawain hit it off in the poem, dammit! Her values and his values come to clash, but here it's played off as Gawain is stupid and covetous and Lady Bertilak wants to prove something because...? If my brother's theory that she's a figment of Morgan Le Fay's magic, then I'll take this as a lesson of Gawain is impulsive and covetous and his mom knows it, but he don't want to fuck his mom, but he wants her power, and Morgan wants to teach him a lesson... I guess. Hey we don't have misogynist speeches in this movie, but we'll make sure to have the movie drip with it with no point, or commentary. Pass. Lord guilting, extracting and initiating the same sex kiss and only once. Poem automatically better that Gawain don't have to keep being reminded to keep his part of the bargain and he does it willingly more than once. What he doesn't do is give up his belt...gods how did we get more homophobic as a society that the homoeroticism here is worse? Catholics of the middle ages officially had no issue doing same sex, passionate kissing until it lead to sex. The Ending: The gods damn ending. In the movie as is, Gawain waits to uphold his end of the bargain and get his head chopped off. He imagines, even though we don't get any fuzzy or distortion to indicate this is a dream, but I already knew this was coming, he runs away and comes home, is regarded a hero, he sees his lady, takes her from behind and if you saw Brokeback Mountain (I didn't, but DJ has) you know this is a sign of disrespect to women. He gets her knocked up, pays her off for the kid she wants to keep, he is crowned king, marries the ghostly saint lady he helped retrieve her head earlier from a lake in the movie (this right here is the damn tip off). There's no more dialogue by this point and everything is montaging, so you know by now it's a dream, though nothing is out of focus. He rules as a heartless king, his whore son dies from war he waged, he has a daughter, his wife dies. Gawain then takes off the belt that would've saved his life and his head falls off. This would've been the one good twist, except... In this sequence of events he never had his head cut off so uh... now we back in present day. He decides not to bitch out, Green Knight in a sexy way is like "now off with your head," movie cuts to credits with no resolve...uh what the fuck? What the fuck? This is not good. You wasted the one twist in your dream when idk, you could've...

How I'd fix it: No dream sequence at all. No Incident At Owl Creek twist. Gawain comes home a hero and survivor of this game and ordeal. He wears this belt of shame. He becomes a well-renowned knight, but he bears a shame. One day he goes to take off his belt and his head falls off because he cheated to get this belt and to survive this encounter. There. Done. Improved your high concept movie that couldn't play any of the lessons straight from the damn poem without making everyone an asshole for no reason! Ugh! But nope you had to end it on we don’t know if Gawain lives or dies...because...it's dream magic made from his momma's witchcraft...?

Last Thoughts So then post-credits scene because Marvel because Pirates Of The Caribbean existed. A white girl who looks nothing like Gawain's daughter we see who didn’t pay off, or any child I can remember through this whole movie picks up King Arthur's crown that dream Gawain inherited and puts it on her head. Who is this girl? Are we gonna have an indie equivalent of of the Marvel Movie Universe/Universal Horror Monsters thing with ancient British legends? We gonna get a Life Of Saint Patrick next that crosses over? I don't know. What is this?

[basket-of-radiants]

I have many thoughts about KLM, I don't know where to start. They range from how the other two are going to react to Kal being benched (I mean one day he just stops showing up to fights) to an AU where Venli is captured alongside her Lady, by enemy Captain Stormblessed and is lost as to why Leshwi bantering/flirting with him. When her Lady's knight arrives to save them he just kinda curls up on Stormblessed's lap complaining about not being part of the initial kidnapping, confusing Venli more.

Thank you for talking to me about this.

1) I absolutely love how you’ve placed Venli as a fourth wheel in this gang (but imo she would not be confused, just exasperated like “oh god you guys are really doing this, you realize I’m still here right, you want me to translate what for him, fuck me and fuck your passions I guess this is happening.”)

2) I can’t really imagine a scenario wherein Leshwi gets captured unless it’s on purpose somehow, in which case Vyre showing up to “rescue” her would be even funnier.

3) I recognize that K/L/M isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and normally when I subject you guys to massive walls of text it’s for dumb au’s involving cereal or roller skates or whatever and not shipping, so I’m gonna put a cut here before I absolutely Go Off.

Have I said. K/L/M as a knight/lady/dragon dynamic is the most perfect thing imaginable, particularly when it’s not the knight who belongs to the lady, but the dragon (INSPIRED casting for Moash), particularly when Leshwi can fill all three roles as the scene demands it, particularly when Kaladin views them both as The Enemy and they don’t view him that way.

Like, when played straight this relationship has so fucking much potential for drama and angst. Kaladin being in love with his enemies, knowing he has to fight them and trying to kill them but also knowing that if anything happened to them it would destroy him. Leshwi navigating court politics, as someone of her station consorting with a human would be scandal in of itself, but a Radiant as well? Plus trying to balance her passions for her people with those for her lovers. Moash turning himself into a monster for Leshwi’s sake, willingly becoming for her an agent of destruction but who still pines for Kaladin and would do anything not to hurt him again but who only ends up hurting him more. These three have all given up their personhood in different ways and have all become killers for the sake of others, and yet that personhood they willingly banish from themselves is what they cherish in one another. Emotionally charged fights. Combatively charged conversations. Love conquers all in the end. Or does it, maybe they’re doomed to be tragic, which also works really well.

Or if you don’t want to be all serious and want to play this fun, there are plenty of great ways to do that too. You can have Leshwi/Vyre as a power couple who keep setting one another up with a blushing and baffled Kaladin, who had really come here to fight or so he had thought, oh storms why are they smiling at him. You can have Vyre tell Leshwi all about Kaladin while holding her hand, and she goes off and sees him for the first time in a battle and afterwards Vyre is like “weeeeeell?~~” and Leshwi is like “you’re right, he’s pretty great.” You can have Kaladin confront him and say “Moash why would join Odium’s side” and he just points at Leshwi and Kaladin just says “you know what that’s fair.” (Wait I’m about to make a joke.) You can have Kaladin and Leshwi together and Kal is like “fuck Moash?” and Leshwi is like “oh absolutely” and Kaladin whistfully goes “yeah me too.” (There I made a joke, you’re laughing now.)

These three are the perfect trio for fight-flirting because they’ve all tried to kill each other in every combination on different occasions. Plus if you want to make it cute and light, nowadays they can all regenerate, so they’re fine. I also love the idea of them teasing each other over one another’s combat prowess. (M: “Wow Leshwi you treat all the guys who kill you like this?” L: “I mean yes, but also Kaladin has never actually beaten me, I lied.” M: “Really? Wow I guess I’m just better at fighting than both of you then ;)” K: “Oh yeah, do you want to step outside and fucking try me? ;)”)

Okay, I see your “Leshwi gets captured” au but what about one where Kaladin gets captured instead, like Lezian or someone are going to kill him and Leshwi makes a deal where if she can keep him safe if he’s her prisoner so she uses one of those suppressor fabrials. Maybe Vyre goes to talk to him and Kaladin knows he should just kill him but is still in love with him so he’s willing to hear him out anyway and then it turns out to have been a setup so you can have more tragic betrayals between them, but once he’s been captured Leshwi and Vyre still spend a lot of time with him and Kaladin is like “wait hold on, you two are actually important, can we negotiate for peace” and Leshwi’s like “neither of us are actually representatives of our respective sides” and Kaladin is pleading with her like “please, no one on my side believes talking to you is even possible but they’re wrong" and he tries to instill idealism into her jaded soul. And then eventually Leshwi agrees to try and she lets him go so he can arrange a meating from his end. Bonus points if he has to kill her in order to “escape” so that the other fused don’t think she’s a traitor. So he goes back to Uritiru or whatever. And even more bonus points if Vyre didn’t know about this plan and so he goes after him pissed that he killed Leshwi, and Kaladin is able to calm him down but it’s too late he’s been noticed, so the other humans are like “holy shit that’s the traitor” and Vyre is like “bite me” and Kaladin is trying to protect him while he’s being very hard to protect. Like Kaladin will panic and say something like “it’s okay he’s changed” and Vyre will be like “I have not and I am not sorry” and Kaladin is like “you are making my life so hard right now.” Anyway, Leshwi comes back obviously and eventually there’s a meeting and idk how it goes but Kaladin and Vyre and Leshwi probably elope at some point, and holy shit what am I doing.

God. How does writing fanfic work. Someone help. I think we need something longer form for this.

Another idea I like inspired by your ask is a Venli-centric story wherein she’s a personal courier to Leshwi and since her Lady has to keep up appearances (plus she’s too busy with her own political career), Venli is the one tasked with facilitating a secret courtship between her and Kaladin, an enemy knight. Moash is sent with her for protection and Venli 1) is confused by the chemistry he seems to have with both of them and 2) is growing increasingly exasperated by how the fairly utilitarian demands, decrees, and warnings she carries seem to be getting gushier every time she’s sent with a new one. It wouldn’t be so bad but Kaladin can’t fucking read so she has to read it all out loud to him and then write down his responses herself. Her escort seems unphased by the fact that the two people he fancies are obviously trading love letters. Venli just wants to help her people, okay? She doesn’t have time for this shit.

Honestly there’s a lot to explore insofar as a domestic relationship with these three too. I’m just imagining a scene where Leshwi starts humming something and Kaladin just turns to Moash and is like “...what is she saying” and Moash is just “uhhhh I think she’s sad about something-no wait--?” Or like, the dynamic of Moash being super casual about how he treats the relationship and Kaladin being super solemn and Leshwi being super passionate.

Or you could go for a thing where Moash is a classic bad boy who Kaladin is trying to bring back to the light except he kind of loves Leshwi and kind of wishes he was working with her too. I kind of also like Kaladin and Moash and Leshwi getting together with no parties being rehabilitated or changed or anything. (K: “I hate this guy.” M: “Okay, I’ll kill him for you then :)” K: “NO!!!!!!!!!!!” while Leshwi iweighs the argument of both those statements.)

There is just so much potential. You don’t understand. There’s so much.

[dfroza]

Today’s reading from the ancient book of Proverbs and book of Psalms

for may 24 of 2021 with Proverbs 24 and Psalm 24, accompanied by Psalm 66 for the 66th day of Spring and Psalm 144 for day 144 of the year

[Proverbs 24]

[Wisdom’s Warning]

Don’t envy the wealth of the wicked or crave their company.

For they’re obsessed with causing trouble

and their conversations are corrupt.

Wise people are builders—

they build families, businesses, communities.

And through intelligence and insight

their enterprises are established and endure.

Because of their skilled leadership,

the hearts of people are filled with the treasures of wisdom

and the pleasures of spiritual wealth.

Wisdom can make anyone into a mighty warrior,

and revelation-knowledge increases strength.

Wise strategy is necessary to wage war,

and with many astute advisers

you’ll see the path to victory more clearly.

Wisdom is a treasure too lofty for a quarreling fool—

he’ll have nothing to say when leaders gather together.

There is one who makes plans to do evil—

Master Schemer is his name.

If you plan to do evil, it’s as wrong as doing it.

And everyone detests a troublemaker.

If you faint when under pressure,

you have need of courage.

Go and rescue the perishing! Be their savior!

Why would you stand back and watch them stagger to their death?

And why would you say, “But it’s none of my business”?

The one who knows you completely and judges your every motive

is also the keeper of souls—and not just yours!

He sees through your excuses and holds you responsible

for failing to help those whose lives are threatened.

Revelation-knowledge is a delicacy,

sweet like flowing honey that melts in your mouth.

Eat as much of it as you can, my friend!

For then you will perceive what is true wisdom,

your future will be bright,

and this hope living within you will never disappoint you.

Listen up, you wicked, irreverent ones—

don’t harass the lovers of God

and don’t invade their resting place.

For the lovers of God may suffer adversity

and stumble seven times,

but they will continue to rise over and over again.

But the unrighteous are brought down by just one calamity

and will never be able to rise again.

Never gloat when your enemy meets disaster,

and don’t be quick to rejoice if he falls.

For the Lord, who sees your heart,

will be displeased with you and will pity your foe.

Don’t be angrily offended over evildoers or be agitated by them.

For the wicked have no life and no future—

their light of life will die out.

My child, stand in awe of Yahweh!

Give counsel to others,

but don’t mingle with those who are rebellious.

For sudden destruction will fall upon them

and their lives will be ruined in a moment.

And who knows what retribution they will face!

[Revelation from the Wise]

Those enlightened with wisdom have spoken these proverbs:

Judgment must be impartial,

for it is always wrong to be swayed by a person’s status.

If you say to the guilty, “You are innocent,”

the nation will curse you and the people will revile you.

But when you convict the guilty,

the people will thank you and reward you with favor.

Speaking honestly is a sign of true friendship.

Go ahead, build your career and give yourself to your work.

But if you put me first, you’ll see your family built up!

Why would you be a false accuser and slander with your words?

Don’t ever spitefully say, “I’ll get even with him!

I’ll do to him what he did to me!”

One day I passed by the field of a lazy man,

and I noticed the vineyards of a slacker.

I observed nothing but thorns, weeds, and broken-down walls.

So I considered their lack of wisdom,

and I pondered the lessons I could learn from this:

Professional work habits prevent poverty from becoming

your permanent business partner. And:

If you put off until tomorrow the work you could do today,

tomorrow never seems to come.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 24 (The Passion Translation)

[Psalm 24]

A song of David.

The earth and all that’s upon it belong to the Eternal.

The world is His, with every living creature on it.

With seas as foundations and rivers as boundaries,

He shaped the continents, fashioned the earth.

Who can possibly ascend the mountain of the Eternal?

Who can stand before Him in sacred spaces?

Only those whose hands have been washed and hearts made pure,

men and women who are not given to lies or deception.

The Eternal will stand close to them with blessing and mercy at hand,

and the God who redeems will right what has been wrong.

These are the people who chase after Him;

[like Jacob, they look for the face of God].

[pause]

City gates—open wide!

Ancient doors—stand back!

For the glorious King shall soon pass your way.

Who is the glorious King?

The Eternal who is powerful

and mightily equipped for battle.

City gates—open wide!

Ancient doors—stand back!

For the glorious King shall soon pass your way.

Who is the glorious King?

The Eternal, Commander of heaven’s army,

He is the glorious King.

[pause]

The Book of Psalms, Poem 24 (The Voice)

[Psalm 66]

Thank You, Lord

For the Pure and Shining One

A song of awakening

Everyone everywhere, lift up your joyful shout to God!

Sing your songs tuned to his glory!

Tell the world how wonderful he is.

For he’s the awe-inspiring God, great and glorious in power!

We’ve never seen anything like him!

Mighty in miracles, you cause your enemies to tremble.

No wonder they all surrender and bow before you!

All the earth will bow down to worship;

all the earth will sing your glories forever!

Pause in his presence

Everyone will say, “Come and see the incredible things God has done;

it will take your breath away!

He multiplies miracles for his people!”

He made a highway going right through the Red Sea

as the Hebrews passed through on dry ground,

exploding with joyous excitement over the miracles of God.

In his great and mighty power he rules forever,

watching over every movement of every nation.

So beware, rebel lands; he knows how to humble you!

Pause in his presence

Praise God, all you peoples.

Praise him everywhere and let everyone know you love him!

There’s no doubt about it: God holds our lives safely in his hands.

He’s the one who keeps us faithfully following him.

O Lord, we have passed through your fire;

like precious metal made pure,

you’ve proved us, perfected us, and made us holy.

You’ve captured us, ensnared us in your net.

Then, like prisoners, you placed chains around our necks.

You’ve allowed our enemies to prevail against us.

We’ve passed through fire and flood,

yet in the end you always bring us out better than we were before,

saturated with your goodness.

I come before your presence with my sacrifice.

I’ll give you all that I’ve promised, everything I have.

When I was overcome in my anguish,

I promised to give you my sacrifice.

Here it is! All that I said I would offer you is yours.

I’ll throw it all—the best I have to bring—into the fire

as the fragrance of my sacrifice ascends unto you.

Pause in his presence

All you lovers of God who want to please him,

come and listen, and I’ll tell you what he did for me.

I cried aloud to him with all my heart, and he answered me!

Now my mouth overflows with the highest praise.

Yet if I had closed my eyes to my sin,

the Lord God would have closed his ears to my prayer.

But praises rise to God,

for he paid attention to my prayer and answered my cry to him!

I will forever praise this God who didn’t close his heart when I prayed

and never said no when I asked him for help.

He never once refused to show me his tender love.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 66 (The Passion Translation)

[Psalm 144]

Blessed be God, my mountain,

who trains me to fight fair and well.

He’s the bedrock on which I stand,

the castle in which I live,

my rescuing knight,

The high crag where I run for dear life,

while he lays my enemies low.

I wonder why you care, God—

why do you bother with us at all?

All we are is a puff of air;

we’re like shadows in a campfire.

Step down out of heaven, God;

ignite volcanoes in the hearts of the mountains.

Hurl your lightnings in every direction;

shoot your arrows this way and that.

Reach all the way from sky to sea:

pull me out of the ocean of hate,

out of the grip of those barbarians

Who lie through their teeth,

who shake your hand

then knife you in the back.

O God, let me sing a new song to you,

let me play it on a twelve-string guitar—

A song to the God who saved the king,

the God who rescued David, his servant.

Rescue me from the enemy sword,

release me from the grip of those barbarians

Who lie through their teeth,

who shake your hand

then knife you in the back.

Make our sons in their prime

like sturdy oak trees,

Our daughters as shapely and bright

as fields of wildflowers.

Fill our barns with great harvest,

fill our fields with huge flocks;

Protect us from invasion and exile—

eliminate the crime in our streets.

How blessed the people who have all this!

How blessed the people who have God for God!

The Book of Psalms, Poem 144 (The Message)

[norcani]

I watched a bunch of losers best games of 2020 videos and decided I can do that too

except I don’t play recent releases so only a few of these are 2020 releases and out of those all of them are vns.....I did play these in 2020 though..I think... 

10. Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni Miotsukushi-hen

I also read  Yoigoshi and Tokihogushi but they fucking sucked! The rest of the console arcs I had played beforehand. What to say about this? It’s been a real mixed bag and by this I mean its been a pile of shit but in the middle of a shit there is this puzzle piece that you needed for a puzzle you completed the rest of 10 years ago and you grab the shit covered piece and go “holy shit! look at this! I’ve been looking for this all along!” but of course it’s still covered in shit and you’re not even sure it’s quite the right piece, it’s not made by the original puzzle maker but with some cleaning wiggling it fits into the puzzle perfectly and you can finally rest assured that the stupid puzzle you thought would never work out is completed. (And then the puzzle maker is like, hey here are a bunch of new pieces and drops gou on you but irrelevant) . Anyway this got translated this year so I say it counts as a 2020 game. 

9. Witcher 3

wow i played this game this year apparently! Or at least, steam tells me so. Honestly I never had any intention of playing this game because people are annoying about it but I somehow ended up playing it anyway....and it was...fine? I liked it, especially the blood and wine dlc. I like geralt as a protag a lot. And I somehow spend 100 hours on this thing. So you know, I liked it. People are still annoying about it though. The best part of finishing it is that I can now call it overrated with the confidence of someone who played and even enjoyed it! 

8. oneshot I got this one from the bundle of racial justice though it was on my radar for quite a while. In this one, you are god, and there is a cute cat child that talks to you directly, which rules. 

fuck yeah!!!!!  (there is also a huge light bulb in this, for the moths in the audience)

7. the ghost of you

This is a text based vn with minimal visuals. A uh.. lesbian horror survival romance story? Is that too many genres. I was utterly obsessed with this for a short while. The gore and body horror stuff in this were top notch but towards the end it got a bit too over the top campy and silly for me, though still enjoyable I mainly wasn’t expecting it to go that route. I also thought ironically the romance was by far the weakest part. The villains were super fun though I still think about them...

6. iwaihime 

i really thought i would end up disliking it until about halfway through but afterwards it was really good except when it was kinda fucked up to the point of I made a cw list for the vn. This is like a shameless mishmash of half of ryukishis previous works and the worst part is it *works* and i love it. I ended up being suprisingly attached to the cast even though they seemed super generic at first glance. Also at some point someone puts the actual yugioh shisha sosei(monster reborn) card in someones coffin so yeah you know..... this one was actually released in 2020 too so goty 

5. Cyberpunk2077 Dry Drowning

another one from the bundle. This is a cyberpunk noir detective mystery / sorta political drama? One of the rare games I replayed immediately after finishing, Great setting, solid plot and cases, great art, kinda generic characters but they grew on me. My fave was a cool trans lesbian character but the circumstances surrounding her were a bit *vague hand gestures* . Definitely a shame not more people know about this one! 

4. Vampire the Masquerade: Shadows of New York

first of all incredible art and music! 2nd of all.... its just a really well written vtm story with a goth girl in a toxic lesbian relationship of course I love it. This vn also justifies coteries of new yorks existence which is a great accomplishment since that vn itself just felt like a introductory course to vtm. Also another 2020 release! No one can criticize my list now. 

3. Fire Emblem 3 houses

I’m still playing this one but I put 60 hours in already so I think I can include this here. This is the main thing I’m playing the past few weeks and  as with all my favorite games I could complain about it for ages , However its really fun and compelling in a way I can’t quite articulate and also Rhea and Sothis I love you both

2. Assassins Creed Vallhalla Expeditions: Viking

this fucking ruled!!! Solid 40 hours or so of solid story and characters that ends exactly when it should. really unique protag a lot of different ways to “win” would. Also one of the few rpgs where the evil choices make just as much sense as the good ones. Would have replayed immediately if my switch hadnt arrived just when i finished my first run. I wish the cast had more lines but at the end of the day Roskva is adorable as is.  10/10 would tell my enemies to not fucking talk to me again.  1. Demon’s Souls Dark Souls 2 

(I coudln’t find any decent screenshots I took for this so enjoy this meme. Trust me my character was really cute. )

 I’ve been playing this for 2 fucking years and i was somehow still sad that it was over....I played for around 140 hours and approximately died every 6 minutes. If you do the math you might notice I’m not very good at this game. I also don’t know what the fuck the story is even about. But hitting things is fun, and I beat fume knight twice which was great. Too bad I will never play the other games since steam never puts them on FUCKING sale. 

[adevotedappraisal]

Magdalene by FKA Twigs, a review.

undefined

I’ve been learning some shit from women from as long as I’ve been alive. Always some other shit that I never asked for but I got told it.  I used to treat them things they said as laws as a child, but I never saw them in a book, so then I stopped believing them.  They were always hushed laws though, laws told with squinted eyes and italicized whispers, laws told when no one else was around.

I mean, now of course men make the real laws that we know and live by.  Well come on now, we write them on parchment, and display them on lights, we code them into computers, inscribe them on coins and stone. But these women…man women tell you some other shit, like glue shit, in low, muttered tones in the quiet part of the house.  Like advice on… well not how the world works, but how to deal with the world when it works against you, and how to make it work for you. But you see, I’ve come to believe that the fairer sex tells you different laws than the vaunted laws and advice of our fathers because they all around see the world differently than men do.  They may, in fact, have been harbouring different goals than us all along.  

I mean for christssakes us men have our hero’s journey as clear as day, writ large and indelible across history books and entertainment.  You could take that Joseph Campbell mono-myth theory and see it expressed in Arthurian swash-buckle, the middle earth ring-slaying of Tolkien, or in the recently concluded tri-trilogy of Star Wars galactic clashes.  We’re in the empire business, as Breaking Bad’s Walter White infamously said.  But still, the question always lingered to me: what is the heroine’s journey? Is it really just a lady in a knight’s armour? Or some tough-as-nails spy for some interloping government’s intelligence agency, delivering kidney kicks in a designer pencil skirt?

Well, I’ve come to believe that the heroine’s journey is navigating the waves of history we imperial and trans-national men make from our railroads and pipelines, our satellites and wars, them at once preserving a culture and sparking a path and creating a bond between cultures in order for them and their (il)legitimate brood to survive.  That old chestnut about how behind every successful man is a woman always unnerved me by its easy adoption. I kept thinking ‘bout that woman.  I kept thinking, what the fuck was she thinking?

You see women’s heroes, they ain’t as clear as day to me.  They don’t kill the dragon, they don’t save the townspeople, they don’t shoot the Sherriff, or the deputy, or anyone most times. When I ask people in public at my job what super power they would like, most men go for strength, flight, and regenerative abilities (my pick).  Most women went with mind reading and flight. In late night conversations though, with the moonlight coming through the white blinds and resting soft on us like so, I sometimes manage to hear that women’s heroes heal and clean the sick of the nation, in sneakers with heels as round as a childhood eraser; they feed a family with one fish and five slices of wonder bread; they would run gambling spots in the back of their house, putting the needle back on the Commodores record and patrolling the perimeter of the smoked-out room with a black .45 nested by their love handles; they climb up flag poles and speak out loud in public for the disposed and teach children those unwritten, floating laws while cloistered in the quiet part of the house.  

Although their heroines are sometimes from the top strata of society –a Pharaoh here, an Eleanor Roosevelt there, an Oprah over there—they also name a healthy mix of radicals and weirdos with modest music success, people like Susan B. Anthony, Frida Kahlo, Virginia Woolf, or Nikki Giovanni, I mean did Nina Simone or Janis Joplin even crack the Billboard top ten? Yet there they are, up on the walls of a thousand college dorms across the country.  So even though I couldn’t’ve foreseen it, it makes sense that of all the ultra-natural creatures, of all the great conquering kings and divining prophets of the Holy Bible, Mary Magdalene ends up the spirit animal for the album of the year for 2019.

Mary Magdalene was a follower of Jewish Rabbi Jesus during the first century, according to the four Gospels of the New Testament of the Bible, a figure who was present for his miracles, his crucifixion and was the first to witness him after his resurrection.  From Pope Gregory I in the sixth century to Pope Paul VI in 1969, the Roman Catholic Church portrayed her as a prostitute, a sinful woman who had seven demons exorcised from her.  Medieval legends of the thirteenth century describe her as a wealthy woman who went to France and performed miracles, while in the apocryphal text The Gospel of Mary, translated in the mid-twentieth century, she is Jesus’ most trusted disciple who teaches the other apostles of the savior’s private philosophies.

Due to this range of description from varying figures in society, she gets portrayed in differing ways, by all types of women, each finding a part of Magdalene to explain themselves through.  Barbra Hershey, in the first half of Scorsese’s The Last Temptation of Christ (1988) plays her as a firm and mysterious guide, a rebellious older cousin almost, while Yvonne Elliman, in Norman Jewison’s 1973 film adaptation of Lloyd Weber’s Jesus Christ Superstar is lovelorn and tender throughout, a proud witness of the Word being written for the first time.  In “Mary Magdalene,” FKA Twigs, the Birmingham UK alt-soul singer, describes the woman as a “creature of desire”, and she talks about possessing a “sacred geometry,” and later on in the song she tells us of “a nurturing breath that could stroke you/ divine confidence, a woman’s war, unoccupied history.” Her vocals that sound glassy and spectral in the solemn echoes of the acapella first third, co-produced by Benny Blanco, turn sensual and emotive when the blocky groove kicks in.  That groove comes into its own on the Nicolas Jaar produced back third, and when this all is adorned with plucked arpeggios it sounds like an autumnal sister to the wintry prowl of Bjork’s “Hidden Place” from her still excellent Vespertine (2001). 

This blending of the affairs of the body and of Christian theology is found in the moody “Holy Terrain” as well.  While it is too hermetic and subdued to have been an effective single, it still works really well as an album track.  In this arena, Future is not the hopped up king of the club, but a vulnerable star, with shaded eyes and a heart wrapped up in love and chemicals, sending his girl to church with drug money to pay tithes.  Over a domesticated trap beat he shows a vulnerable bond that can exist, wailing his sins and his devotion like a tipsy boyfriend does in the middle of a party, or perhaps like John the Baptist did, during one of his frenzied sermons, possessed and wailing “if you pray for me I know you play for keeps, calling my name, calling my name/ taking the feeling of promethazine away.”

Magdalene, the singer’s sophomore release, takes the mysterious power and resonance of this biblical anti-heroine, and involves its songs with her, these emotional, multi-textured songs about fame, pain and the break up with movie star boyfriend Robert Pattinson.  With “Sad Day,” Twigs sings with a delicate yet emotional yearning, imbued with a Kate Bush domesticity. The synth pads are a pulsing murmur, and the vocal samples are chopped and rendered into lonely, twisting figures.  The drums crash in only every once in a while, just enough to reset the tension and carve out an electronic groove, while the rest of the thing is an exercise in mood and restraint, the production by twigs, Jaar and Blanco, along with Cashmere Cat and Skrillex, leaves her laments cosseted in a floating sound, distant yet dense and tumultuous, the way approaching storm clouds can feel.   Meanwhile “Thousand Eyes” is a choir of Twigs, some voices cluttered and glittering, some others echoed and filled with dolour. “If you walk away it starts a thousand eyes,” she sings, the line starting off as pleading advice and by the close of the song ending up a warning in reverb, the vintage synths and updated DAWs used to create these sparse, aural haunts where the choral of shes and the digital ghosts of memory can echo around her whispered confessional.

In many of these divorce albums, the other party’s role in the conflict is laid bare in scathing terms: the wife that “didn’t have to use the son of mine, to keep me in line” from Marvin Gaye’s Here My Dear from 1979; the players who “only love you when they’re playin’” as Stevie Nicks sang on Fleetwood Macs Rumours (1977); or as Beyonce’s Lemonade (2017) charges, the husband that needs “to call Becky with the good hair.”   At first though, Twigs is diplomatic, like in “Home with me,” where she lays the conflict on both sides here, expressing the rigours of fame, the miscommunication –accidental or intentional –that fracture relationships, and the violent, tenuous silence of a house where one of the members is in some another country doing god knows what, physically or mentally. “I didn’t know you were lonely, if you’d just told me I’d be home with you,” she sings in the chorus over a lonely piano, while the verse sections have the piano chords flanked by blocks of glitch, and littered with flitched-off synths. Then, the last chorus swirls the words again, along with the strings and horns and everything into a rising crescendo of regret.

Later in the album however, her anger once smoldering is set alight, in the dramatic highlight “Fallen Alien.” Twigs sings with an increasing tension, as her agile voice morphs from confused, pouting girlfriend to towering lady of the manor, launching imprecations towards a past lover and perhaps fame itself. “I was waiting for you, on the outside, don’t tell me what you want ‘cuz I know you lie,” she sings, and, after the tension ratchets up becomes “when the lights are on, I know you, see you’re grey from all the lies you tell,” and then later on we have her sneering out loud “now hold me close, so tender, when you fall asleep I’ll kick you down.”  All while pondering pianos drop like rain from an awning, tick-tocking mini-snares and skittering noises flit across the beat like summer insects, the kicks of which are like an insistent, inquisitive knocking at the door, and then there’s that sample, filtered into an incandescent flame, crackling an  I FEEL THE LIGHTNING BLAST! all over the song like the arc of a Tesla coil. The song is a shocking rebuke, and it becomes apparent upon replays that the songs are sequenced to lead up to and away from it, the gravitational weight giving a shape and pace to the whole album.  Because of this, the other songs on Magdalene have more tempered, subtle electronic hues and tones, as if the seductive future soul of 2013s “Water Me” from EP2, and the inventive, booming experimentation of “Glass & Patron” from 2015s M3LL1SSX, were pursed back and restrained until it was needed most, and this results in an album more accomplished, nuanced and focused than her impressive but inconsistent debut LP1 (reviewed here).  

This technique of electronic restraint has shown up in the most recent albums by experimental pioneers, with the sparse, mournful tension of Radiohead’s A Moon Shaped Pool (2017), it’s cold, analog synths and digital embellishments cresting on the periphery of the song, and with Wilco’s Ode to Joy from last year, an album bereft of their lauded static and electric scrawl, mostly embossed in acoustic solitude and brittle, wintery guitar licks.  Twigs and her co-producers take the same knack for the most part throughout the album, like with closer “Cellophane,” where the dramatic voice and piano are in the forefront, while effects crunch lightly in the background like static electricity in a stretched sweater, and elsewhere, as the synths of “Daybed” slowly intensify into a sparkling soundscape, as if manufacturing an awakening sunrise through a bedroom window.  And it is this seamless melding of organic and electronic instruments, to express these wretched and fleeting emotions of heartbreak that makes this the album of the year.

It makes sense that an artist like FKA Twigs would be drawn to a figure like Mary Magdalene.  Of the many Marys in the New Testament, she stuck out as palpably different, or rather, she depicted a differing part of womanhood than the other two.  She wasn’t the chaste, life-giving mother of Jesus, or the dutiful Mary of Clopas. Instead, Magdalene was this mixture of sexuality and spirituality, one of those figures that managed to know men and women in equal measure, wrapped up with the blood as well as the flesh.  Twigs also played with this enrapturing sexuality in her work, writhing around in bed begging some papi to pacify her and fuck her while she stared at the sun, then making you identify with the lamentations of video girls, and then telling you in two weeks you won’t even recognize who you were seeing before.  There was something mysterious and layered to her millennial art-chick sexpot act though, layers that have begun to be revealed with this album.  

We realise now, that what she was depicting all along was more like the sexual heat that lays underneath devotion, as opposed to fleeting, mayfly lust, and that she now understands the weight and half-life of love.  That is, that beyond the sex and patron and fame there is a near sacred love we build between each other for a while in time, lasting as long as both hands can bear to hold it, and also that the death of a relationship still has the memory of the love created warm within it that then radiates off slow into the air.  A love that then falls into our minds for safekeeping dark and unobstructed now, the way Jesus’ blood fell from his wound into Joseph of Arimathea’s grail held aloft.  

“I never met a hero like me in a sci-fi,” FKA Twigs sings, an evocative line less so for the hegemonic patriarchy of the worldwide movie and comic book industry suggested by ‘the sci-fi’ here, and more for the ‘hero like me’ part, which suggests she had to make her hero origin story all up, without the scaffolding of centuries of relatable mythologies, presenting us with an avatar of millennial love, in all of its tortured luster.  And you hear this type of love in her voice, no longer changed up and ran through a filter for Future Soul sophistication most times, but out in the open now, to express particular emotions, whether it’s in that swooping, falling ‘I’ in the heart-break closer “Cellophane,” or her assured realisation, later on “Home With Me” where she says “But I’d save a life if I thought it belonged to you/ Mary Magdalene would never let her loved ones down.”  

undefined

It’s never about how to conquer with these women you see.  In the end of all relationships it’s how they find their way out after us temporarily embarrassed conquerors are about to leave, jacket slung over shoulder, standing by the door. You squint your eyes back at her this time, and you listen this time, while she tells you, or tells the ground in front of you, what parts of love to let go of, and what parts are worth holding on to in this age of Satan, the parts that will help you become yourself. “I wonder if you think that I could never help you fly,” the song tells you then, one of those stinging admissions that only women come up with, and you wisely stay silent, and then the piano chords part, the synths subside. And for a while there as she looks at you, as the breathy sortilege in the song keeps going, it all sounds like something worth believing in again.  And then, the words she says to you start to come across like laws.

[four-loose-screws]

FE4 Suzuki Novelization Translation (Gen II) - Chapter 15 (The Grand Finale!)

If you would like to start from the beginning, read a missed part, etc., click here!

FE Game Script Translations - FE Novel Translations - Original FE Support Conversations

If you are interested in donating to support my work, please check out my Ko-fi here. Thank you!

———————————

Chapter 15 - Wind God Forseti

The entire text is under the cut for spoilers.

The war was over.

However, the storms of conflict had ravaged Jugdral twice in just twenty years, leaving huge scars across the continent. Reconstruction would probably take many times the amount of power needed to win the war.

Those who fought alongside Seliph, as well as those who now needed to bear the burden of reconstruction, said their goodbyes, and parted ways.

-

Shannan, who was next in line to become king, returned home.

By his side was the future queen, Patty. As the Sword Saint, Shannan was nearly always scowling, but that front cracked whenever he was talking to her. Even before the final battle, he was shy when he accepted the lunch she packed for him. The two will undoubtedly become a good husband and wife to each other.

-

Leif inherited the title of King of Leonster, but at the same time, many wished he would also take on the role of unifying the Thracian peninsula.

Those who went with him to Leonster were Finn, the knight who'd vowed to protect him ever since he was orphaned until the very end, and Nanna.

Nanna was in love with him, but because she was from Augustria, she'd told herself that she must part with her beloved when the war was over. However, when the time finally came, Leif took her hands in his, and passionately shared his desires for her to come with him. They too decided to marry one day.

Though Altena was of the Leonsterian Royal Family's bloodline, she returned to southern Thracia, where her memories of her beloved remained. There, it was decided that she would work with Leif to unite the peninsula.

-

Ares, together with the dancer Lene and his cousin Diarmuid, decided to go to Augustria, where the battle between the imperial army and the local liberation army still raged on. Ending that war and unifying Augustria was the next duty bestowed upon him. 

After he married Lene, he mellowed out. So long as they have the aid of the calm and collected Diarmuid, they will likely be able to carry out even the most difficult of their duties.

-

After the kingdom fell in Verdane, it had been taken over by bandits. The bow knight Lester traveled to those remote lands to establish a new government. By his side was the falcoknight Fee.

-

The six dutchies of Grannvale were inherited by their next in line.

The tactician and paladin Oifey succeeded Chalphy,

The wielder of Holy Bow Yewfelle, Febail, succeded Jungby, 

The axe knight Iuchar succeeded Dozel,

The mage knight Arthur succeeded Velthomer,

High Priest Coirpre succeeded Edda,

And the thunder mage Tinny succeeded Friege.

(Iuchar's beloved, Larcei, went with him as his perfect match; and it went without saying that Coirpre was accompanied by his adoptive father, Hannibal.)

And, of course, Belhalla was succeeded by Seliph, and he was crowned King of Grannvale at the same time. Lana, who'd fought alongside him from the very beginning, became his queen.

The inheritors of the duchies, and even the inheritors of the surrounding countries, all walked up to the new king, raised their swords, and swore their loyalty to him before leaving Belhalla. From that day forward, the Jugdralian continent would change from a land of power and fear, to one connected by a new bond of trust. 

-

The last person they said goodbye to was wind mage Ced.

"Seliph, I will return home to Silesse with Father. Thank you for everything."

"Yeah, you helped us out a lot! We'll never forget you!” Then, he turned to Lewyn. “And Lewyn, I don't know how I could ever thank you…"

"There's no need to, Seliph. Everything we accomplished was because of all your hard work."

"Now, Father, let’s…"

"No, Ced. I will not go to Silesse. You are the only one who can rule Silesse."

His father's unexpected words pushed Ced to put pressure on him to change his mind. "But why, Father!? The war is over. Please return home with me."

"No, I have played my part. Just like the other countries, Silesse must also be reborn. For that to happen, she needs a power of youth like yours."

"I don't understand. Silesse needs you, Father! Please, please, come back home."

"You've said more than enough. I don't want you to speak another word. Fee realized everything from the very beginning. You should have already as well. Isn't that right, Ced?"

"Father!"

"I won't say anything more. Now go! Silesse is counting on you!"

Ced bit his lip and stared at his father for a long while.

But when he realized that Lewyn's resolve was firm, he turned towards Seliph and bowed his head. "Then this means goodbye, Lord Seliph. Good luck. You too, Lady Lana… and you as well, Father…" With that said, Ced bowed his head deeply, then left.

"Seliph, Lana, though it pains me to leave, I am going to go on a journey."

"Where will you be going?" Lana asked.

"A bard has no set destination. I will travel wherever the wind may take me."

"Lewyn, thank you so much. You watched over me and guided me when I knew nothing. I am so grateful to you from the very bottom of my heart."

"I was merely fulfilling my duty. Silesse's royal family is one of wind mages. Wherever I am, I am there simply because the wind took me there. And you humbly took that wind in."

"I know that, Lewyn. And I also know that your true identity… is not really Lewyn."

"..."

"The Lewyn my father fought with really did die during the Battle of Belhalla. Some of the female soldiers survived, but all of the men died during that battle. So I wondered, then, why you are the only one they failed to find.

"You are actually one of the dragon tribes, most likely the god who made the pact with Crusader Ced at Darna Castle, and granted him the powers of wind magic. You knew that the path leading to Loptous' revival was opened at the Battle of Belhalla, and took Lewyn's form to try to stop it."

Lewyn did not deny Seliph's words, nor did he affirm them.

"I've heard that the dragon tribes fear participating in the human world. But you went so far as to break that rule to guide us. So long as this land exists, we will never forget all you've done for us. Lewyn… no… Forseti of the wind, and warrior of a distant land."

Lewyn raised an eyebrow and smirked. Then, he bowed in a manner fitting of a bard, and tried to leave the room.

"Wait, Lewyn!"

When Lewyn turned around, it was only just a little bit, but he looked uncomfortable.

"I want you to tell me one thing, Lewyn. Did you know that Arvis had given Julia the circlet? And were you trying to tell us that Manfroy hadn't killed Julia?"

The bard paused for a minute, then said, "No, there was no way that I could have known. I knew what the darkness' goal was, but none of the intricate details. All I knew was that even they had a weakness."

"And that weakness was?"

"That they do not sympathize with the human heart. And that you would have become proud of your own power."

"..."

"That if we did our best, then one day, that weakness would be revealed. I only believed in that. You did not win with power. You won because you are considerate and humble. That is why everyone stayed with you until the very end, despite how harsh the battles were. That will also be important for your future rule. You two should remember that."

The bard said, then waved his right hand to say goodbye. His gesture also conjured up a light breeze.

“One more thing, Lewyn! The bard in Peruluke, was he a dragon? Or…"

But the bard had already begun to fade away, little by little. He disappeared without giving an answer.

-

The Thracian Peninsula was unified.

The region, made up of many small countries and plagued by perpetual war, finally welcomed peace with the restoration of the Leonsterian Royal Family’s power and the death of the Kingdom of Thracia.

The first king of this new country was Leif, chosen by the people and their passionate hopes for him.

Leif entrusted Altena with the reconstruction of the territory that previously belonged to the Kingdom of Thracia.

Altena never left Thracia ever again. For the rest of her days, she protected the land she was raised in, as well as her memories of Arion, with a love so strong it would last her entire life.

-

The Kingdom of Isaach had been the first nation to be freed from the empire's oppression, but the inheritor to the throne was not there at the time, so the peoples' days were filled with uncertainty.

Because of that, they welcomed Shannan's return home. Once he was crowned, he worked tirelessly to rebuild his country, and proceeded to implement trade with the other nations. Isaach was previously called the barbarian land of the east, but the latter half of his rule achieved unprecedented development, and Isaach transformed into a rich land that rivaled the other countries.

-

After the civil war ended in Augustria and the country was annexed by Grannvale, it had been put under a strict, tyrannical rule.

Because of that, all of the people had wished for their own liberation army and the establishment of a new, unified country, and those wishes were directed towards the hero Eldigan and the Nordion Royal Family. They were wildly excited to welcome Ares home, because he reminded them of Eldigan in his youth.

Under Ares' rule, Augustria's reconstruction progressed quickly. After that was done, the country continued to develop as Grannvale's greatest ally.

-

Because Verdane was a remote country, the empire did not meddle into their affairs very much. However, after the death of their king, each tribe had gotten into disputes time and time again, public order was in distress, and thieves went around looting as if they owned the place.

Amidst all of that, Lester's homecoming, as one of the hero Prince Jamke's bloodline, gave the people courage, and many young people gathered around him. The war to unify Verdane ended in less than a year, and Lester was crowned king. He earned the cooperation of both Grannvale and Augustria, restored the lands, and returned Verdane to the country his grandfather Batu had created.

Verdane, the forested land of the lake… Where Sigurd’s prayers are granted in the beautiful greenery, and the clear water is made up of Deirdre's tears. Or so the people believe…

-

Silesse, which had long been under the empire's control, crowned Ced once he returned home, and poured its energy into restoring the country's utterly destroyed lands.

The people loved their beautiful land and peace that had returned to it. The kingdom that Lewyn had given his life trying to protect was finally trying to finish his work.

-

And so, Seliph, as the new king of Grannvale, poured his energy into restoring the country, bringing peace to the continent, and creating a rich world without discrimination or oppression.

Through it all, he was always accompanied by his queen, Lana, who was always snuggled up next to him and smiling; and Princess Julia, who always watched over him with a kind, warm gaze.

-

Many years afterwards, the people would say.

"Within Jugdral's history, there was a holy king.

His name was Seliph."

-

Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War - End

[maaruin]

There seems to be a trend on YouTube where people make medieval(-ish) sounding versions of popular songs. This includes some of the soundtracks from the Star Wars movies. I particularly like this version of Battle of the Heroes/Battle over Coruscant.

But this got me wondering: How easy would it be to transplant the story of Star Wars into the historical middle ages? It should be easy, right, after all, it has knights and princesses and stuff. But for some story concepts we would have to be a bit creative.

Starting with the Jedi themselves. There were orders of knights, so of course the Jedi should be one of these. The Jedi are also a religion and live monastic lives. So they are somewhat close to the military orders that formed during the crusades, like the Templers, Hospitallers and Teutonic Knights. But the head of the Jedi Order is also the head of the Jedi religion. So we have to create an AU of the middle ages in which the military orders are much closer to the Papacy. I think that is possible with some tweaks. So let’s say at some point the headquarters of (one of) the military orders were relocated to Rome. And as it happens, sometimes who has power in Rome decides who is the pope, so there is a succession of popes coming from the ranks of this order. While we are at it, let’s fix one of the weird things about Star Wars: that we barely see any laity in the Jedi religion. We fix it by simply identifying the Jedi with the Roman Catholic Church.

But how do we translate the science-fiction concepts in Star Wars? They actually exist and are essential to the story. Star Wars is not simply fantasy with SciFi aestetics. The indispensible SciFi concepts in Star Wars are the clone army and the Death Star.

Death Star: The death star is (a) a technology that (b) can destroy planets easily, making plantary conquest unneccessary. There is a bit more to it, but if we concentrate on these two points, we can kinda indentify it with cannons, which make traditional fortifications almost completely useless. If we identify planets with cities and castles, then that works. Though the “Death Star” now has to be accompanied by an army that actually takes and destroys the city. (This just made me realize, that superlaser technology is there to stay in the Star Wars universe and will require an adaptation of military strategy or better planetary shields. Just like artillery in the real world.)

Clone Army: The Clone Army needs to do two things. It needs to (a) be made of soldiers that more or less appear out of thin air and (b) needs to turn against the Jedi on Palpatine’s signal. A good solution: mercenaries. They work for who pays them and in the real history, they were one of the things that replaced the armies centered around knights.

These two things push the AU towards or even into the early modern era, but I think it works. The status quo in Star Wars radically changes in the prequels from Republic to Empire.

So about that change. If Yoda is the Pope, who is Palpatine? Well, one of the people who ended up in conflict with the papacy a lot was... the Holy Roman Emperor. That works, I’d say. So Palpatine is the Holy Roman Emperor and at some point wipes out the Jedi Order Catholic Church and later abolishes the Senate Imperial Diet.

Historically this didn’t happen of course, but a tendency towards centering power in the hands of the monarch existed in other kingdoms within Europe in the early modern era. But why would he want to destroy the Catholic Church. Normally, the Holy Roman Emperor in conflict with the Pope wanted to control it, not abolish it.

In Star Wars Palpatine is a Sith, the archenemy of the Jedi. So I guess in this version he would need to be a Satanist. But actual Satanists very likely didn’t exist in the middle ages. At least one Holy Roman Emperor was accused of being one by the Church during the Investitute Controversy, but that was propaganda.

Is there maybe another religion that a European monarch could follow which would be interested in wiping out the Catholic Church or at least its institutions... oh my God!

The Reformation! We already put it at the edge of the Middle Ages and Early Modernity. This could be an AU in which the Holy Roman Emperor converts to Protestantism and shapes it in a way that serves his own power. It would be a bit further away from actual Protestantism than the Catholic-Jedi are from actual Catholics, but still based on tendencies that existed within the Reformation.

Now add this together: The Holy Roman Emperor Palpatine leads the Order of the Knights of the Jedi into War together with his army of mercenaries, but at some point betrays them and has them slaughtered. He then officially converts to Protestantism and arrests and executes all bishops and priests, while restricting the power of the princes within the Empire in favor of a more centralized administration.

The rest of the story can follow naturally from this, but maybe I will turn it into a bullet point fic.

[yfere]

Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E60

Hello, and welcome to episode 60, otherwise known as THE RISE OF YASHA SHIPPING. We’ve been waiting and waiting for it, and here it fucking is!! Masterpost here

+15 to Fjord/Jester as they gain many Flirting Points with cute little “Heys” at each other in combat, profferings of healing potions, that weird slightly in canon liminal area of drink sharing, winking madness, Fjord dedicating the dead jellyfish to Jester like he’s some kinda knight (+3 to Beau/Cockblocking for pointing out the disturbing murder of what was once a romantic Fjorester symbol). Jester asking Fjord if he’s okay and checking him for possession (Bonus points for Body Contact!) Points taken away for Fjord griping about Jester/Pets, saying “It’s not your pet, Jester!” while Jester shouts back that she doesn’t even like it, thank you, she likes animals but she’s not going to go gaga over a murder demon you absolute asshole.

+9 to Caleb/Caduceus as Caduceus continues his trend of enthusiastically supporting Caleb decisions that the rest of the party very much do not enthusiastically support. “Good call!” he says when Caleb goes to burn the bodies in the Bone Pit as an anti-jellyfish precaution. Totally down with Caleb murdering creatures down there as there’s “not anything good that’s living down there” and along with Yasha joining the Pro Caleb NPC Murder Club. Caleb very nearly setting Caduceus on fire as well but avoiding it through the power of luck love, being adorably distressed that Caduceus might have been hurt, relieved when he’s fine.

+6 to Caduceus/Fjord as Caduceus encourages Fjord to “Stick by me, and you’ll be fine.” Looking after Fjord’s welfare by encouraging him to stay in the Hut, and acting as dedicated translator for all of Fjord’s ridiculously curious needs. The pair of them same-hatting on asking every single person they happen to meet if they know of any answers to their god problems. Points taken away for Caduceus’ short term memory failing to recall the second of Fjord’s questions as he gets distracted asking about the Blooming Grove.

+32 to Yasha/Jester. Okay. Okay. So, trying to cooperate over turtle flipping: good. But the real thing. The real thing is. During Yasha’s first dream, Jester is the first body she sees after Mollymauk’s, the first and most important after him of the “somebody you’ve let in.” The only person she’s really willing to speak to after she wakes, despite her discomfort. The first person whose strength she thinks of when trying to break her shackles. The one she listens to, over Caduceus, when it comes to how to approach her god—to just try to talk to him, bring Jester and her friends along. The one she models when she tries to connect to the Stormlord—drawing a dick in the mud because if nothing else works, this has to, this is Jester. Jester being the most sweetly supportive of Yasha after her dream, even while Nott minimizes and Caduceus godsplains. Jester fucking….sleeping in the rain with Nott so that Yasha won’t be alone, enduring ridiculous amounts of discomfort and lost sleep just to be there for her. They are…..love. This is…..the true birth of  Jestasha.

+1 to Beau/Yasha as Beau accomplishes an epic battle move by sliding between Yasha’s legs (just not in the way she was hoping). Looking piningly at Yasha’s sleeping face. But, as has been decreed by the Shipping Gods they are two ships passing in the night, destined never to meet.

-10 to Yasha/Nott. Nott initiates cuddles, but Yasha is uncomfortable.

+17 to Fjord/Caleb as Caleb tries his damned hardest to use his spellwork to protect Fjord—and failing. But it leads to Body Contact nonetheless, and a terribly sweet “sorry, big guy” which only means more with every NPC under the sun (looking at you, Soorna) continuing to poke at Fjord by calling him “small.” More Body Contact with Caleb switching over to Fjord as his chosen squeeze while looking through Frumpkin. As with Jester and the jellyfish, Fjord looking towards Caleb to check if he’s noticing him Being Cool with the three point landing (Do I spy +1 to Caleb/Fjord/Jester?) Fjord as always putting way too much stock in Caleb knowing everything, all “Caleb, think of every blue fabric you’ve ever seen” as he attempts to CSI the riftmaking device. Fjord also as always being Caleb’s #1 Magic Fan, going absolutely NUTS when Caleb polymorphs the giant, ruffling his hair and screaming “YOU BEAUTIFUL WIZARD BASTARD” and probably coming close to fucking breaking the wizards’ concentration in the process. Points taken away as Fjord realizes just how scary the turtle still is and how this horrible snapping thing may still cleave him in half. But at the rate Fjord is escalating the Magic Love, you just know eventually Caleb is going to cast a spell and Fjord is going to get so excited he kisses the wizard.

+5 to Caleb/Being a Trendsetter as comically exaggerated pronunciations of Eldritch bleeeeeeeeehst are now officially the standard for all members of the party.

+10 to Travis/Dice Superstition as he picks new dice after rolling ones, runs dice competitions to decide which is worthy to play with, and Very Superstitiously dreading a 666 of failed wisdom saves from Fjord, Beau, and Caleb.

+10 to Caduceus/Excitement. “There’s something in the pit.” His head lowers and his hands shake when he gets stressed, but bless him his voice is as calming and monotone as ever.

-100 to Fjord/That Spoopy Shit as he spends most of the battle screaming his (average sized, thank you) lungs out

+2 to Caleb/Cat Shaped Creatures at Cat’s Ire was finally allowed to do its killing work!

+20 to Jester/Beau as Jester gives Beau a 7 for the holy hell she causes with her punching! To which Beau gives a funny little bow. But most, most importantly, Jester noticing Beau staying up reading and worrying to death, giving her a massage and Body Contact to calm down and sleep #TheyAreMarried and fuck Travis/Fjord’s Attempted Cockblocking because that was the most transparently and extremely romantic moment in the entire goddamn episode. Points taken away for Jester saying Beau’s drawing looks “kind of shit.” Maybe now that she’s granted permission for Beau to draw dicks she’s concerned Beau will start infringing on her Territory as the resident artist.

-1 to Nott/Detective Work. She did find the riftmaking device, but unfortunately it was circumstance that brought her back to the Bone Pit, and not her Keen Detective Mind remembering at that moment to investigate the area as Soorna’s stated origin of the demons and a trash bin’s status as an Excellent Hiding Place. More points taken away for Destroying Evidence when she shot the device and scattered the liquid inside to be lost forever.+12 to Nott/Gunslinging though.

+1 to Fjord/Detective Work as he continues to bargain and push for important information about the way the world works and what is happening from the people he encounters—gaining Soorna’s story in exchange for their efforts. He didn’t gain information immediately relevant to the Case, but it is good Detective Practice nonetheless

+5 to Beau/Detective Work as she finds the scrap of fabric in the Riftmaking Device—a solid Clue! Genuinely looking for links between the riftmaking device and her own vestments, comparing notes, looking for the black liquid and brainstorming with Caleb over potential motivations for creating Abyssal rifts. Points taken away for misidentifying beds as sarcophagi, which sort of casts a pall over her detectiving skills. 

+20 to Beau/Nerdom for being more interested in explaining books and theorizing to Caleb than actually fighting. It is something when you can stand next to Caleb and make him look like a jock in comparison to your nerdy antics. Never change, Beau.

+6 to Caleb/Lethality as unfortunately he has murder on the brain so much that even when he’s not trying to make things deadly, he still manages to incinerate a poor innocent little goblin, barely skirt blowing up Caduceus, and morph what he meant to be a harmless turtle into a killing machine.

-2 to Caleb/Jester. Caleb is a fan of Jester’s smart idea with the Tiny Hut. But between accusations of criminality and Jester’s extreme distress over Caleb’s Goblin Roasting, ‘twas not the best week for these two.

+2 to Nott/Jester. Beau may have gotten a 7 for battle maneuvers, but Jester gives Nott 8 points!!! Nott cuddling with Jester at night, waking with her to reassure Yasha. There’s the sense Nott went out into the miserable rain maybe a little more to spend time with Jester than anything else.

+12 to Nott/Being a Team Player as she throws herself into harm’s way to defend Fjord from Caleb’s horribly botched polymorph! She is too small to be much defense but damn if she’s not going to try!

-3 to Nott/Fantasy Racism as despite her conflicted feelings over goblins she attempts to respectfully lay Caleb’s murder victim to rest. +10 to Caduceus/Cockblocking for undermining the moment by sticking the whole goddamn corpse in his bag so he can question it in the morning

+5 to Caleb/Kooky Comparisons as he compares farming the Beacon for Luck potions to getting eggs from the golden goose. Caleb thinks almost entirely in terms of fairy tales and farming/peasant idioms, and one of these days someone needs to collect all of the little oddball things he says.

+50 to Kord/Midwifery “STRUGGLE. PUSH. STRUGGLE. PUSH.” Rhythmic, firm, supportive but also tough, which is exactly the kind of midwife you want during your existential rebirth.

[unicornery]

For my own amusement, I started tracking how the songs from the Billboard Hot 100 from this week in 1974 have been used in movie soundtracks. Feature Films only people! As you read, you will see the “gimmes” that made me think of the idea, but I’m putting this behind a cut because there ended up being so many which had a soundtrack match. As a reminder, you can follow along as I do the Hot 100 each week corresponding to which classic AT40 and VJ Big 40 get played on SiriusXM ‘70s on 7 and ‘80s on 8 respectively with my ever-changing Spotify playlist. 

100. “Beyond the Blue Horizon” - Lou Christie. This one is a cheat because when I looked it up on Spotify it showed up on the Rain Man soundtrack. The only song I could have told you off the top of my head was in Rain Main is the Belle Stars’ version of “Iko Iko.” Rain Man marked the first soundtrack appearance for Christie’s version. 

98. “The Air That I Breathe” - The Hollies. Very memorable appearance in The Virgin Suicides, which had the score done by, wait for it, French electronica duo Air. The song would go on to be heard in other movies. 

90. “Billy Don’t Be a Hero” - Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods. The Paper Lace version appears in The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Both acts topped the charts with the song on opposite sides of the pond: Paper Lace in the UK and Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods in the US. [Update: the BD&H version may be in "To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday"] 

87. “Hollywood Swinging” - Kool & the Gang. This oft-sampled track first appeared in a feature film in the 2005 Get Shorty sequel Be Cool. 

84. “La Grange” - ZZ Top. Armageddon first, followed by others. 

68. “Band on the Run” - Paul McCartney and Wings.  I didn’t search for this at first because I didn’t think there would be anything, but then Jet was on the chart at #27, so I did a twofer search on imdb. Jet has not been in any films (save “One Hand Clapping, a rockumentary on Paul, which I don’t count for purposes of this discussion) but “Band on the Run” appears in The Killing Fields, in a shocking scene that contrasts the light tone of the pop song with the horrors of the Khmer Rouge’s executions of Cambodian citizens. 

66. “For the Love of Money” - The O’Jays. Has been used many times, according to IMDb the first feature film use was the Richard Pryor roman a clef (if I’m using that right, I only know it from Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man) Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling. 

59. “Rock Around the Clock” - Bill Haley and his Comets. Notably used in Blackboard Jungle, the song is on this 1974 chart for its appearance in American Graffiti. 

55. “Rock and Roll, Hoochie Koo” - Rick Derringer. First one that comes to mind is Dazed and Confused bc I had that soundtrack, but it has been in others.

49. “Love’s Theme” - the Love Unlimited Orchestra. The swirling strings of this song indicate that someone is indeed falling in love. That’s my way of saying, if you think you haven’t heard this, you have. Imdb has it in Mean Girls, among others. 

47. “The Way We Were” - Barbra Streisand. The titular song of the 1973 film The Way We Were, starring Barbra and Robert Redford. A little long, but worth a watch bc Barbra is amazing in it. At the 1974 Academy Awards, Marvin Hamslich won Best Original Song honors for this tune, and was awarded Best Original Dramatic Score for his other musical work on the film. I always think of Lisa Loopner’s big crush on him.  

44. “Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing” - Stevie Wonder. First feature film usage was the 1998 Eddie Murphy flop Holy Man, which surprised me as it’s such a good song, you’d think it would have been in something earlier. Notable given Eddie’s impression of Stevie Wonder he performed on SNL! 

42. “Rock On” - David Essex. Michael Damian’s cover (or remix as described by Patton Oswalt) was recorded for the 1989 2 Coreys classic Dream a Little Dream, and per imdb, David Essex’s original appears in the alternate-history comedy Dick, from 1999. 

37. “Oh Very Young” - Cat Stevens/Yusef Islam. Surprisingly, this sweet song appears in the gross-out bowling comedy Kingpin. 

36. “Jungle Boogie” - Kool & the Gang. This song may have been used in the most films and tv shows of any I’ve researched so far, but its first appearance was in Pulp Fiction. 

34. “The Payback - Part 1” - James Brown. First feature film appearance was in 1995′s Dead Presidents. A different James Brown track appears on the soundtrack for racist-ass Melly Gibson’s Payback from 1999. 

33. “Help Me” - Joni Mitchell.  Another why’d-it-take-ya-so-long shocker, this mellow tune first appeared in the 2018 sci-fi movie Kin, narrowly beating Welcome to Marwen from 2019. 

31. “The Entertainer” - Marvin Hamlisch. The title theme from the Redford/Newman team-up The Sting. Hamlisch won a record-tying third Academy Award in 1974 for Best Original Score for The Sting.  It seems at this time Best Original Score and Best Original Dramatic Score were separate categories. Hamlisch would win Grammys for both this and “The Way We Were,” eventually becoming an EGOT winner in 1995.

30. “Eres Tú” - Mocedades. This Spanish Eurovision entry notably appears in the buddy comedy Tommy Boy when Chris Farley and David Spade’s characters sing along with the radio. 

28. “Midnight at the Oasis” - Maria Muldaur. Catherine O’Hara and Fred Willard perform their own rendition in the Christopher Guest film Waiting for Guffman. That should be all you need, but imdb has the first film appearance for the song as 1995′s Falcon and the Snowman. 

24. “Let it Ride” - Bachman-Turner Overdrive. This lesser-known but not less great BTO jam has appeared in a handful of films, the first being Ash Wednesday, starring Elijah Wood and directed by Edward Burns and not Garry Marshall. Note: it does not seem to be in the Richard Dreyfuss gambling movie Let It Ride, a classic VHS cover of my youth. 

18. “Mockingbird” - James Taylor and Carly Simon. Memorably performed by Harry and Lloyd in the dog van in Dumb and Dumber, later joined by a Latinx family on guitar and vocals.  Before that, Beverly D’Angelo and Chevy Chase’s characters also sang it on their road trip in National Lampoon’s Vacation. I couldn’t find an instance where James and Carly’s version played in a movie but I am sayin’ there’s a chance. That it could be someday. 

16. “Tubular Bells” - Mike Oldfield. This instrumental is best known for being the theme to The Exorcist, but I was surprised to learn from the Wiki entry that it was not written for the film. Tubular Bells or something that’s meant to sound like it has been in a ton of other things, generally uncredited. Of note: Mike Oldfield would go on to do the score for The Killing Fields. 

14. “Seasons in the Sun” - Terry Jacks. Now here is the type of song that ‘70s haters point to as an example of the whiny wuss rock that they feel over-dominated the era. It’s not one of my favorites but I appreciate it for how weird it is. I suppose being translated into English from a French/Belgian poem will do that to ya. Before I did my search, I imagined I would find it in a Farrelly Brothers movie or two, possibly the Anchorman sequel. However, the only feature film match I found was the 2002 indie flick Cherish, a movie I have never seen despite being confronted by the cover many times at rental places over the years. Before today, when I watched the trailer, I would have told you it starred Jennifer Love Hewitt and was about “a band trying to make it.” It turns out I am thinking of the 1999 film The Suburbans. Anyway Cherish seems aggressively indie and very of-its-time in a way that makes me want to watch it. 

13. “Dancing Machine” - The Jackson 5. The song appears in the Blaxploitation spoof I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, as well as the movie of Starsky & Hutch.

11. “Lookin’ For A Love” - Bobby Womack. This was in the movie of The Ladies Man starring Tim Meadows as his SNL character Leon Phelps. I almost skipped this one but I’m glad I didn’t because Tim Meadows rules.

8. “The Loco-Motion” - Grand Funk Railroad (the single and album it was on are credited to Grand Funk). We have our second song from the Kirsten Dunst/Michelle Williams movie Dick. Since that was satirizing Nixon and Watergate, well done to the filmmakers for including these 1974 hits!  It appeared in one earlier film, My Girl 2. 

5. “Come and Get Your Love” - Redbone. Known to modern listeners for appearing in Guardians of the Galaxy. [Sidebar: if you can find a way to listen to the With Special Guest Lauren Lapkus episode T.G.I.G.O.T.G.OST (Thank God It’s the Guardians of the Galaxy Original Soundtrack) with Sean Clements and Hayes Davenport, do it!] The song first appeared in Dance Me Outside, a Canadian film about First Nations youth, which is a cool parallel with Redbone being composed of Native American musicians. “Come and Get Your Love” is also in Dick! 

4. “Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me” - Gladys Knight & the Pips. Another SNL feature pops up on our list, 1994′s It’s Pat: The Movie. 

3. “Hooked on a Feeling” - Blue Swede. ALSO known to modern listeners as being from the GOTG, but possibly only in the trailer? I’m fuzzy. The song ALSO also appears in Dick, and its first feature film appearance was Reservoir Dogs. 

2. “Bennie and the Jets” - Elton John. You know it, you love it, you cackle at the gag in Mystery Team. IMDb has this song down as first appearing in the low budget feature Aloha, Bobby and Rose, from 1975. It is ALSO in My Girl 2, with proper credit for Sir Elton. 

1. “TSOP (The Sound of Philadelphia)” - MFSB featuring The Three Degrees. IMDb says this appeared in the Al Pacino film Carlito’s Way, and I have no reason to doubt them because it means we are done! Thanks for readin’ and rockin’ along.