#also got my meds amount cut in half

[szczylpierdolony]

every interaction with my father is getting me a step closer to gouging my eyes out

[justonefeather]

I get packing underwear for myself so I feel better at work mostly. I don't go to a job where i wear sweatpants anymore but it just makes me more comfortable since i see these people nearly every day. But uhh they're a little expensive, relatively, or at least for me. But I'm finally both paying off debt and saving a little money every check, so I bought a 3-pack, since some of the underwear i have are getting holes around the waistband and the.. leg bands? The end bits. Idk i haven't bought myself new underwear in years because it's something I've thought of as kind of frivolous, what i have still lives so I should use it and not waste money on buying something new. But doing laundry today i was like hmm ok yeah i need to replace some of these (to be fair most of the ones in bad shape are not the packing underwear, i will rep this brand forever, $20 a pair is rough but if you can spare it they're great)

[nyhti]

any thoughts and feelings on jeremiah in shadow of the bat #80-82?

furthermore, any thoughts and feelings on his pookie david in that comic?

Thank you for the ask <3333 :33 So I went back and read Wax Man and the Clown again to refresh my mind on it and I'm glad I did. While it's not my favorite Jeremiah story, mainly because of the art, I still found it enjoyable and even got myself a new headcanon!!! Yay!!

Now, I think I've talked about my dislike of Jeremiah being written too soft before. He had bite in The Last Arkham, bite he desperately needed, because this character becomes very boring very fast without it. I had this memory of him being a total push over in this story, but now that I've read it again, I don't think so. Yes, he is softer than he was in The Last Arkham, but he also threatened to shoot Joker in the head and considered letting the patients starve to death. Soft uwu bean <333 And, yeah, even in the parts that he seemed more of a push over, you just have to keep in mind that he's quite literally half asleep, starving and under an incredible amount of stress in every panel and actively hallucinating by the end of the story. I'll cut him some slack, but I still think the Jeremiah we were introduced to in The Last Arkham wouldn't have been quite as mellow even in these circumstances.

I also do not like the art in this issue. I simply wouldn't have recognized Jeremiah had I not been told that this character drawn here is supposed to be Jeremiah. I think if this story had been illustrated my Norm Breyfogle, it could've been one of my favorite Jerry stories. Here's a quick sketch of how I wish he had looked like in this story:

Oh, and David? David is the reason I headcanon Jeremiah as bi in the first place.

Jeremiah: What about you, David? Are you going too?

David: No, sir. My place is with you.

Now, I do not know what Grant had in mind when he wrote their relationship, but it came across as very loving. Whether or not that love was romantic, I guess that's up to everyone's own headcanons. I feel like at least on David's side it leaned towards romantic, but Jeremiah seemed more reserved. You could say he didn't feel quite the same way, but also we know Grant wrote him shy towards things of that nature as seen in his reaction to Poison Ivy in Batman: Shadow of the Bat #56. I like to believe it was shyness that stopped him from going any further.

Also.

Jeremiah confirmed kitty boy catmom kittycat enthusiast!!!!!!!!! He definitely gave off that catperson aura all the way in The Last Arkham, but I was really happy it was confirmed here with the kitten he had in childhood <3 I love how he's still haunted by this cat he failed to save 40 years later. True catmom behavior.

This cat also exists in my verse and her name is Lumi (=snow, but I'm calling her Snowy in English.) She's called Lumi, because I misremembered the cat being white. The cat's actually gray lol, but I'm not changing the name anymore. The cat is all white in my verse. Also in my verse she lives a long, happy life and dies somewhere between ages of 15-20, when Jeremiah is in his 20s and in med school.

His parents get a new cat – actually I headcanon that over the years his parents end up raising a lot of cats. Jeremiah, who is living on his own at this point, also thinks about getting his own cat, but fears he would not have enough time for one as med school is keeping him busy. He decides he's going to get one later and in the mean time just go see the cats at his parents house. I imagine Jerry's mom uses the cats to get him to visit.

It's still a little up in the air in my verse does he get his own cat now, at age 44, or does he get it later, but one day he does finally visit a shelter and brings home a beautiful tabby cat he names Viiru or Tabby in English (it is my headcanon he is not creative with names).

Another thing I liked about this comic was the shotgun. The shotgun Jeremiah used. The shotgun he threatened to kill Joker with. This is so fascinating to me, because he himself almost died by a shotgun at 16. I just wonder how he feels holding that thing. How he feels being on the opposite end of it now. How he feels being the one to point it at someone else's head. None of this is answered of course ^_^ Grant never even brought up Jeremiah's backstory in later stories ^_^ But, I'm still having fun imagining it myself. This is that new headcanon I was talking about. He definitely now owns a shotgun in my verse.

[yourneighborhoodneighbor]

super cool ghost ice mega slide

(masterpost to my fics while ao3 is down) AO3

fic under the cut

Having another superpowered person as part of Batclan was great, even if he wasn't technically a meta (I'm dead, Duke, that's more of a medical condition-). Having a portable snow maker year round was even better.

Duke had taken to Danny pretty quickly after the younger teen had been picked up off the street, hurt and borderline delirious, surprisingly not by Bruce, but by Jason. Once he had been cognizant enough to realize in which city he was, and in whose cave, he had had a pretty major freak out, believing himself in danger through a mix of the idea that Batman hated metas and whatever had hurt him so badly in the first place.

After Duke had managed to get out of his stupor at seeing whatever it was the kid had become (and seriously, he had seen some pretty unusual things because of his meta abilities, but a 4k HD 1080p 4D experience of a real life eldritch being was not one of them) he had promptly kicked everyone out of the room in the med area (except for Alfred, whom he very politely asked vacate the room) to try and calm the kid down.

After revealing his own meta status, assuring the glowing kid that Batman didn't actually hate metas, he just wanted to protect his city from mind-controlled superpowered people, and that he was safe from whoever had hurt him, the kid had finally calmed down enough to return to a more human-like appearance. 

From then it was really no surprise to anyone that the new kid (who could transform into an actual human, and really? Black hair and blue eyes again?) got promptly adopted and revealed information that got an entire branch of the government taken down by the blazing wings of fury of the entire Batclan (even Damian had quickly become attached to the newest kid once his katana was gushed about with the accuracy and fervor of someone who knows how to wield the weapon). 

What had been unexpected was the kid having a connection to the Lazarus Pits (which were apparently something called ectoplasm) and being able to help Jason get rid of what turned out to be a huge amount of toxic gunk from himself, leaving him with only the good gunk (Duke tried not to think too much about it), which made the too dead-but-not-really boys bond quickly.

On top of all that the kid was also an engineering and astronomy nerd (as well as had a knack for math and physics), which appealed him to Tim greatly, and he made puns like would die (again) if he didn't, which appealed him to Dick, and, he preferred communicating with means other than spoken words (usually inhuman sounds and growls), which he bonded over with Cass, and he was actually good a baking, which appealed him to Alfred, and he was also already a vigilante, which appealed him to everyone else-

The point being, everyone loved Danny, including Duke himself, so it was a bit hard to get some to spend with him by himself, which was why Duke was going to make the most of this day.

He wasn't actually alone with the young half-ghost, Cass was also left at home while all the others went about some business or another out of the manor, but Duke knew hanging out with both Danny and Cass was often double the fun since underneath the chill facades both of them were actually feral little shits, so that wasn't an issue.

That brought him back to his first point: having a brother who could make no-melt snow on command was the best!

So now here they were, the three of them standing side by side on top of the tallest point of the manor, facing a slope so steep it was almost 90º degrees at first and then bent and curved all over the yard in ways Duke just knew wouldn't pass a safety inspection, those tiny cheap plastic sleds in hand (“for the full experience,” Danny said, even though they certainly had the money to buy other sleds). Duke was regretting some of his choices, looking down, but now he was committed, no way was he quitting, Danny and Cass would tag team on teasing him for the rest of time.

“Ready?” Danny asked, a too wide smile on his face and eyes open with the kind of crazed excitement only someone who was already dead could have.

Cass answered by putting her sled on the ground and sitting on it, position ready and her face mirroring Danny's. 

Duke stood corrected, only people who were already dead, and Cass.

He really was going to regret this, wasn't he. Well, too late to back out now. This is what he got for hanging out with the two most unhinged people in the family, he supposed (and that was saying something, considering the kind of family Duke had).

“Sure, yeah, what's a little sled race down a death slope of doom?” the meta answered with more confidence than he felt. He was the Signal! He could do this! Besides, Cass and Danny wouldn't actually let him break his neck and die, right? Right.

Cass patted his shoulder sympathetically (as if-) as he sat down. Here went nothing.

“Remember, whoever makes it down in the least amount of time wins an ice cream! And no powers! You're up first, Duke!” Danny exclaimed as he pushed Duke forward.

Duke had barely any time to process the fact that he was already in a semi-free fall before he was already approaching the tunnels that made up the bottom half of the “super cool ghost ice mega slide” (patent pending). He remembered he did, in fact, need to breath, filling his lungs to the top and letting the air out in a scream.

The meta boy could do nothing but keep screaming as he reached speeds he was pretty sure went against the laws of physics, making loop-de-loops and turns so steep he thought he was going to slam against the side instead of turning a few times.

After what felt like an eternity but also too little time to have actually completed the Slide of Doom (more accurate name, in Dukes opinion), he finally made it to the end, promptly getting bowled over by a gleeful Cass and cackling Danny, who he hadn't even noticed were right behind him.

“Mmfffhblggggheroff-” Duke grunted, turning over and subsequently throwing off the other two into the surrounding snow. Danny accepted his fate, while Cass sat up and grinned at him.

“And?! Wasn't that fun?!” Cass signed excitedly. Duke was about to say it was terrifying, but cut himself short when he noticed he was smiling.

Huh. That actually had been fun. It had been really, really fun.

“We should do that again,” he breathed out. “We should do that again, but all together! More weight means more speed! We can see how far off the finish we end up!”

He was excited now, he was PUMPED! He grabbed Danny around the waist, carrying him like a sack of potatoes and and running up the ice steps (sibling with ice powers for the win-) back to the roof, Cass behind him with the sleds.

He ignored the ghost boy's protests about being able to walk (“and fly!”), eager to enact his new plan.

Once up there, he dumped his brother and accepted a sled from his sister, sitting down on it.

“Cass, sit on my lap! Danny goes on top because he's a lightweight!” he told the others, receiving a token protest from Danny, who got further teased about his half weight by Cass.

Once they were all settled, Duke got really to start them off by pushing with his legs when Danny yelled out.

“Wait!”

Cass and Duke looked up at him with questioning glances. In response, the boy got up, touched the slide and… Oh-hoho, this was gonna be good.

“There, it's extra smooth and slippery now. We're in for some Cool Running!” Danny said, settling back on top of the pile, grin matching his two siblings'.

“Alright, let's break some legs” Duke muttered, pushing forward with his feet.

And damn-

If Duke thought he was going fast before, they were racing the Flashes now!

All three siblings let out manic laughter, whopping and screaming as they held on to each other for dear life, the forces of the turns threatening to pull them apart.

As they neared the finish, Duke saw a shadow, barely having time to process before he was blinded by the flash of a camera.

They kept going a bit after the finish, the speed they came with not letting them stop, eventually colliding with a pile of snow and finally flying in different directions.

Duke couldn't stop laughing where he had landed, full of adrenaline and absolute mirth. A little ways away, he could hear both his siblings in the same predicament.

After a managing to get himself under control and trying to get his breathing back to normal, he sat up, freezing when he saw the amused audience they suddenly had.

“Umm, guys?” he called out to the other two.

“What?” Danny asked, sitting up as well and freezing as he saw what Duke had seen.

Cass was the last to rise, looking at their audience with as innocent a face as she could manage while clearly a culprit to their exploits.

Bruce simply raised an amused eyebrow, Alfred at his side looking perfectly regal while innocently holding a camera in his hands.

“I see you were having fun on your day off,” he stated, lips threatening to curl into a grin.

The three sibling looked at each other, before Cass reached over and simply offered one of the tiny plastic sleds to the man.

All of them were locked in a staring contest for the next few seconds, before Bruce's face finally broke into a grin and he grabbed the sled.

“Thought you wouldn't ask!” he said, turning and running up the steps, yelling back at them for being slow pokes.

The siblings all grinned at each other before running after the man.

Yeah, having access to unlimited snow was great, but getting to spend time with his family in it? Even better. bonus unrelated snow LBM drawing

[thessalian]

Thess vs Parental Dinner Guests

My mother and I have dinner every so often. She used to invite me out until she finally understood that a) the noise and travel and everything just leaves me tired and sore and not in a great mood, and b) I actually like cooking for people I care for. So now she comes to my place and I cook for her.

Unfortunately, she kind of changed the timings at the last minute, so I did the sensible thing and cancelled my Saturday D&D shenanigans. Not that I didn't sort of have D&D shenanigans; to entertain my mother while I was putting finishing touches on things, and for during dinner, I put on Honour Among Thieves. She loved it, so I sent her home with that on loan - very short-term loan - so she can watch it properly. Or as properly as my mother ever watches anything, because she talks through movies all the time, even if she's never seen them before. The dumbest - if funniest - part is when she asks things like, "Ooh, they're going to die, aren't they? --DON'T TELL ME!" to which I just started replying, "Then stop asking!"

She also really enjoyed dinner. I pretty well outdid myself; I think that's the best roast chicken I've produced so far. Also mashed potatoes with sour cream, garlic puree and a bit of diced onion, and broccoli. Even sent Mum home with a couple of scraps for Digby. But of course, then I had to clean everything up. Which unfortunately involved slicing into my left index finger just below the thumbnail while I was carving up the chicken breast for later leftovers. It got bleedy so now I'm wearing band-aids and it's messing with my touch-typing and also it stings. And all the plates and utensils and all of that, and now the carcass is boiling for stock. Mostly on the basis of, I was buying potatoes and sour cream for this meal anyway and all I needed was some evaporated milk (the accepted substitute for half-and-half) and some bacon and I had everything I needed for more potato soup. Now, I do also have stock cubes but I want to see how it is with fresh stock. Thus, boiling chicken carcass.

Very tired, though. And sore. I kind of left it until late to take my meds so ow on a number of levels. So cancelling Shenanigans was a wise move. There will be hot bath and maybe video gaming, but the video gaming depends on which video game and how fast my finger goes from bleedy to just "ow". Cuts near the fingertip are a bitch; decent band-aid placement tends to immobilise a joint and it has to kind of fold near the top, which enbiggens the fingertip and makes touch-typing hard.

Still. Successful dinner with Mum. It's nice when I can impress her with my cooking. Wasn't quite as good as when I served her meatloaf and she cleaned her plate for the first time in years, but close! And I have leftover mashed potato, and lots of leftover chicken, and she brought me some asparagus and tenderstem broccoli she wasn't using, so a goodly amount of the leftover chicken will become chicken and vegetable risotto. Though if I get hungry later (because of course I skipped lunch like some kind of idiot), it'll be a toasted bacon and tomato sandwich.

...wait. I bought Bugles and was going to have them as snacks for Mum and I forgot entirely.

Eh, well, she was stuffed when she left anyway. Also more for me. I worked very hard today and was very successful and I deserve a bag of Bugles all to myself.

[enbyhyena]

So I talk sometimes about how piss-poor the SSI payout amounts are, but I did my math on something slightly different today and I just thought I ought to share my findings. I also just wanted to do a more in-depth, comprehensive post in general. So here you go.

As of the 2023 calendar year, the maximum SSI payout amount is $914 per month.

A full-time worker will work 40 hours a week, or 160 hours a month.

If you take the payout amount and divide it by the hours of a full-time job, you get...

🥁🥁🥁

$5.71/hour.

The federal minimum wage is $7.25.

In order to be completely financially secure and comfortable, you need to make about $233k a year. As of 2021, the median household income is $71,000 a year.

According to this calculator, $914/month ($10,968 a year) is 75.23% below the federal poverty line.

Put another way, if I never spent a single cent of my SSI (which I can't do and I'll talk about why further down), and if my wages were not to increase at all (which it does by a small amount each year, but for the sake of this analogy), it would take me 21 years to make the amount of money that it takes to be comfortable for just one year. (I got this figure by taking 914 and multiplying it by the number of months (12), and then dividing 233k by the outcome [$10,968].)

Multiple resources state that people should aim to not spend above 30% of their monthly income on rent.

30% of $914 is $274.20.

Median rent cost in the United States has climbed to $2,011 per month.

Recipients of SSI are not allowed to have ANY amount above $2,000 in combined income and assets at ANY time, or else they will lose their benefits cold turkey. Meaning that even if they COULD come up with 200% of their monthly income JUST for rent (not factoring in the cost of food, meds, transportation, etc), they would be instantly cut off.

Don't even get me started on what a shit-show Section 8 is. Especially post-pandemic.

Marriage brings the income/asset limit to $3,000. So if you're a double-disabled couple, your limit is cut in half (strongly discouraging marriage). If you're a disabled person and marry to someone who works, your SSI will almost certainly drop or disappear completely—which can trap disabled people in financially abusive situations.

If you claim SSI and try to work to make a little extra money, every other dollar after $63 subtracts a dollar from your SSI payout, BEFORE taxes. So say you work full time for 2 weeks making $9 an hour—$720 before taxes.

Subtract the initial $63, and you're left with $657. Now divide that by two (for every other dollar).

SSI has just taken $328.50 from your SSI payout. Your $914 payout is now $585.50. Subtract another $328.50 for your second paycheck in one month, and that's a $256.50 payout.

This leads to a lot of disabled people, who break their bodies trying to make just a little more in spite of their illnesses, to largely break even. Usually making about the same amount they would have made if they'd just stayed home and taken care of themselves instead.

And to make it EVEN worse, earnings take 2 months to reflect on your payouts. So say you work over the holidays to treat yourself for Christmas. You may get $914 in December and January as normal, but only come February will you finally see that deduction take effect—meaning if anything happens, you have several hundred less dollars to work with.

When I worked, it took over a year AFTER I quit for my payouts to finally go back to normal, as they kept readjusting my earnings and deducting from my payouts saying that they "paid me too much".

So I don't think it needs to be said that you can fight tooth and nail to get accepted onto this program, and be shamed by society for being on it once you finally win, but as an extra kicker be FORCED to stay there with no options to escape without severe punishment.

I have known people who fought for four and ten years. While being considered, you cannot work AT ALL or they will immediately throw out your case. The average wait time is 2 years, but most wait longer. If SSA says no, you'll be sent to court to appeal. If the judge denies you, you have to start all over again. And you can get caught in the same loop over, and over, and over, and over again, getting denied support that you desperately need, and many die hoping to receive.

8,000 people file for bankruptcy and 10,000 people die a year while waiting for their SSI to be approved.

And it just keeps getting worse and worse the further down the rabbit hole you go. I made this post partially to vent my frustration with this system after being abused by it for the past 5 years (and it abusing the people I care about). But I also wanted to create a resource with citations for people to share around and throw in the faces of ANYONE who dares to think that people on welfare/claiming SSI somehow "have it easy".

As a disabled person, I spend over half of my given days either in bed too ill and/or in pain to function, or at a clinic begging a doctor to not call me fat or a hypocondriac or drug-seeking and take my (documented and diagnosed!!) illnesses seriously. I rarely ever get to just SIT there and BE sick. I often have to get up and get shit done in SPITE of being sick, even doing OTHER people's jobs and holding their hands just to make sure they're actually doing what THEY'RE being PAID to do (insurance agents, doctors, etc). Disabled people don't GET days off. Just because we don't work a "conventional" job doesn't mean we're just sitting on our asses mooching off the system. Every single goddamn day is a fight just for the basic human right to survive. And I never want to hear anyone saying that ableist, invalidating, and blatantly untrue shit around me.

[ketamie]

look at me i'm completely normal. my mother is extremely dissatisfied at the rate i'm treating the depression she diagnosed me with so i went to a psychiatrist privately to hear his opinion but then half of our time was spent on his digressions on scandinavian food, long covid (i never had covid), and starting your own business and also made a point to roll his eyes at half the things i said. and kept cutting me off obviously. and then proceeded to diagnose me with an unspecified anxiety disorder for completely unknown reasons (i literally barely got to say anything) and prescribed some meds. and then i gave him an embarrassing amount of money. so i was like ok. but the receptionist guy who worked at that hospital was really cute and i had the feeling we'd start flirting if i were to come regularly but it's okay. what was i talking about again. right. and i have enormous reservations about psychiatry which i wouldn't say this reinforced but definitely didn't help. oh and he kept asking me if i was muslim because of the beard and terrible outfit. anyway my mom is pissed off at me now for reasons also unknown to me and it's like. . also redacted redacted with me and then we both redacted ourselves i think. does anyone here listen to indie music

[liminalpsych-in-teyvat]

…I have written ~32,000 words of a single story in the past month. I haven't done that since high school.

Wait. No. Holy crap. I take that back. I stalled out at 25,000 words during NaNoWriMo in high school in I think 2003 or 2004, and that was the farthest I got in a month's time. So this is the most I've ever written in such a short time. But I haven't written this avidly, this many words, this consistently since high school, at the very least.

(oh no I adhd'd in the morning when my meds were half kicked in. That's always a mistake of uncontained rambling. I'll be surprised/impressed if anyone actually reads the rest of this post; ...actually I'm going to put it under a cut because it just got out of control)

It's such a nice feeling! I had given up on writing fiction for a long time, especially after working in residential treatment (2008-2010) when I just. Stopped reading fiction and stopped writing it, because I felt like I "should" be spending my time on "productive" things instead whenever I had time to write (it felt like a trauma brain, survival mode kind of mindset; I was pretty shut down and dissociated).

And when I tried to write any time after that, I got blocked too from overthinking it, knowing just enough about psychology to feel like I was Doing It Wrong with character portrayals, but not knowing enough to do it "right" or for it to flow more naturally. 13-15 years, a graduate counseling degree, and 8 years of post grad experience in the counseling field later, that's not a problem anymore, and not even a stress point.

It's been interesting trying out different approaches to writing. I'm not doing pure discovery writing anymore (aka seat-of-the-pants writing aka pantsing, not having any outline or any solid idea of where you're going, discovering as you write); I've outlined more for this story than I ever have. I'm doing more editing than I did when I was younger (I'm gonna blame adhd meds for that one, thanks adhd meds, you're the best!).

I've also been using a thesaurus for the first time in my life as a writer, which is just embarrassing. It's because I haven't used my extensive vocabulary nearly as actively, not unless it's psychology related. So while I know a lot of descriptive words, I don't have easy access to them. I'll be like "…all I can think of is this direct/simple word, but it's not the Right Word, I know the right word exists but I can't remember what it is, it's kind of like this word but not quite" and so I have to look up synonyms until I stumble across the word I was trying to remember. 9_9 I'm sure it'll come back as I read fiction more and write more.

(Possibly some of it is the head pressure/health issues? Because I'll lose words when I'm having really bad symptoms, and lose a sentence halfway through speaking. But that feels different. Pretty sure this is just because of atrophy from not writing prose for so long, and for not reading fiction nearly as voraciously as I once did.)

(But I hadn't realized I could lose access to my vocabulary from disuse. It makes sense, because I certainly have lost access to the Spanish I was once fairly fluent in. I can still understand a good amount of Spanish when I hear it spoken or read it; I just can't spontaneously access the vocabulary to speak it anymore.)

but man. you definitely get more hits and comments on AO3 for fanfic in a larger fandom like Genshin Impact (65 million active players in March 2023) than in a tiny one like Arthurian literature (20 gay people on Tumblr, that's it, that's the fandom. ...this is hyperbole, but only barely, we might be up to 40 gay people on Tumblr by now with all the Reddit refugees).

and very likely you get more hits for Explicit rated fic / erotica than for non-erotica, but I'd have to post a general audience fic in the Genshin fandom to find out. (I definitely can't say it's porn without plot, the label I used for this fic before I figured out a title was "Kushiel's Impact", basically sex-and-trauma-and-sexual-trauma political intrigue story.)

[endlesstwanted]

Hello internet!

This is Chase (endlesstwanted), and I thought I should start this blog with an introduction. I haven’t kept a blog in over a decade, so please bear with me while I figure out how all of this works. The essential info about me will be above the cut, because I’m an oversharer and I don’t know how long this will enventually be.

As I said, my name is Chase, I’m over 21 years old and currently studying a vocational course which I have no vocation for. I’m in the CET time zone, based in Spain, and I like to think I’m bilingual even if my brain can’t keep up with Spanish half of the time (most of the content here will be in English). I am a non-binary trans, which influences how I view things and a friend said it would be good to mention. I’m also bisexual, which is a great excuse to be multishipper too. My sun sign is taurus, and my moon and rising signs are virgo.

My main interests are writing, languages and travelling (been all over Spain). I enjoy puzzles, funko pops, cinema, series and music. I’m not active in fandoms outside of Marvel, even though I like a lot of other media. For starters, I plan to use this blog for bingo stuff and to share what I write and post on Ao3.

Moving now onto the fandom talk, I entered the fandom world at eight years old with pop music. I then moved to tv shows when I watched Broadchurch and discovered Teen Wolf, to later follow punk rock bands and being introduced to concerts. I began being interested in cinema at the age of eighteen and eventually found Marvel a few years back.

I’m familiar with the MCU and X-Men films, and am slowly trying to find my way into the comics. I’m a multi-shipper (the rarest the pairs, the more interests I will get) and willing to read and write anyone I’m comfortable with.

That’s said, my favourite characters would have to be Bruce, Sam, Natasha, Clint and Bucky. I am fixated on others like Scott Summers, Sprite, the Peters (Maximoff, Parker, Quill, you name it), the Grandmaster, Justin Hammer and Remy Lebau (I’m into those who have no more than five scenes, as you see). My favourite projects (that I’ve watched so far) are The Amazing Spider-Man films, The Incredible Hulk, Wakanda Forever, Infinity War, Black Widow, Eternals, X-men Apocalypse and the Hawkeye series.

As I said I plan to keep this blog to share my writing and Bingo-related information. In case things go out of hand, please remember that my previous experience has been ten years on twitter, I feel in need of mentioning the other media I am fan of. This is a warning in case one day I wake up willing to fill my page with that, which you know, can happen.

I like a variety of cinema genres, going from thriller to comedy, even though I enjoy dramas the most and I’m a huge fan of Spanish cinema as well. The films I need to mention now are the ones that really got me into this world and hold a special place in my heart : the Scream saga, The Faculty, Deux Moi (French drama from 2019), Clue (1985), Marrowbone, Coherence, The Broken Circle breakdown, The Birds, and Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Talking about series now, everything has been non-stop since discovering Teen Wolf until now, with a few years gap I used to go to concerts and consume the MCU an embarrassing amount of times. The ones that have shaped me as a person are The Night Shift, Leverage, The Society, Sneaky Pete, Stitchers, On My Block, Code Black, Hunters and New Amsterdam. I’m currently watching the Chicago-verse series after watching a bunch of episodes on tv with no idea of what was going on because they played eight a night, I’ve just started Chicago Med.

As far as music goes, I thought to mention the people that have literally raised and/or been an inspiration for me at some point: 5sos, Demi Lovato, Taylor Swift, Sam Smith and Chase Atlantic. 

The list goes on and on but you don’t want me to bore you with the Spanish’s pop artists, music contests, and all the things I said I’ve recovered from and I haven’t.

If you’ve got to this point, thank you! I know I walk (write) a lot, so it’s good to know someone listening. Other sites I’m on are Ao3, TvTime, Letterboxd, NanoWriMo and Spotify.

Here you have a picture of Wanda, that is my latest addition on my funko collection ♥️ (do people use emojis in here?)

[tiredheroes]

//Going on hiatus for a currently-unknown amount of time. Sorry. Info below the cut. (tw for mentions of dissociation, D/I/D splitting, and childhood emotional neglect/abuse)

//My mental health started going on a downward spiral a few months ago. I started having flashbacks to some really fucked up trauma my half sister put me through that I don’t know if I’ll be able to press charges for. It made me so unwell, one of my alters took over at work for a few weeks, gods bless his strength.

//Then I got formally diagnosed with P/T/S/D, D/I/D, and re-diagnosed with A/DH/D. The meds are helping but the side effects have been difficult to work with. It really sucks. I had figured about the first one, knew about the second for two and a half years now, and the third, I was diagnosed with as a kid and my caretakers didn’t do a damn thing about it and instead tried punishing my symptoms away instead.

//I’ve also had trouble navigating the mental health system. I currently only have a psychiatrist to give me meds and diagnose me, but she can’t help with the actual trauma work. We have been ready to start that for two months and are having issues. My cousin who was initially helping us has been acting really ableist about my diagnosis because we don’t fit her narrative of how DID looks because of the fact that we actively like and help eachother, so we can’t ask her.

//And, I learned I’m only half of the original host conscience. A traumatic fight with our abuser in 2014 resulted in us splitting in half, and my other half got most of our good childhood memories while I got the bad. It explained why I’m so fucked in the head and obsessed with my trauma; for years, it was literally all I had. 

//Now I’m leaving my life in the hands of my other half--the alter who has our good memories. I’ll be back, I promise. I just don’t know when. 

//I love all of you. All of you are great and amazing writers, with great and well thought through muses. I’m not going to be gone-gone, I’m basically just taking a back seat while my other half handles our life.

//If you read it this far and still want to talk to us and be friends with us, thank you. Here’s our Discord where you can reach us;

The Radio Star#4796

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: Life on hard Mode

I took Goth Millennial to the good (Cheap, employee owned) grocery store. We generally shop together and we both needed a lot of things. I need to restock a whole lot of stuff thrown out or given away in the Great Refrigerator disaster. So I'm zooping along in the riding cart because my hip joints hate me and my broken toe is healing extra slow and we kept having this thing where I was like, "Oh! We need to grab X." GM: but we HAVE X. Me: It was old and nearly empty, so I threw it out when we emptied the freezer. Them: sad face

The new refrigerator is a lot smaller and less disability friendly, It does, however, WORK and it's mechanisms are simpler so let's hope it doesn't break once every 1-2 years like the old one. A kind friend got me a new britta as we gave away our sink attachment, filter tank, and emergency jug when we moved here. The water is so cold and delicious, far better than the old fridge water. Finding anything in it is a drama, though, especially with the freezer. I was trying to get cheese for meds snack and spent ten minutes searching. I thought we'd saved emergency frozen broccoli for yesterday's dinner from the Great Fridge Disaster, but if we did, it was buried in my hurried restock, probably amongst the frozen fruit for smoothies. Sigh.

Related note: I searched every stir fry veggie pouch in the freezer section of the good grocery store and all of the mixed pouches had onions and/or carrots and/or cauliflower. Sigh. I do not like cauliflower except in a tiny number of things, stir fry emphatically not amoung them. I like carrots fresh in salads and in certain soups and restaurant dishes, but not homemade emergency from frozen sir fry. I can no longer digest onions properly and I don't like them enough to go through the unpleasantness unless it's something special like the good cheese and chives bakery bread or restaurant stir fry, and even then, less is more. (I cook with freeze dried or dried and powdered garlic which I'm fine with and frozen garlic i can digest, but normal onions are right out, even frozen. I can handle a small amount of powdered or freeze dried). I don't make the rules. My body does. So I guess I can no longer buy a frozen stir fry packet for emergencies. Sigh.

Somehow my Bay leaf is missing and I forgot to restock, dammit. Also, I've not had safe for me salsa since the fridge killed the last mostly used container, and I still haven't been to that store for that, safe cup of soups, cheese, and dried mango, which are staples. Fuck! There are too many things I can't enjoy without salsa, so it's either no emergency too sick to make food soups, or no dried fruit for a month. (I'm an old and mango is both vitamin rich and something I am always willing to eat and at my age… a little fruit is a good idea every day.

I have a bunch of good things for now. bagels and cream cheese, fresh fruit, mushrooms, etc.. My fridge is restocked. I do have some cheese that survived the disaster, but half of it is messed up from it's sojourn in Squirrel's little chest freezer (I feel like if I say chest freezer, people imagine something you can hide an adult body in, whereas this was a freezer I bought when we lived in the previous apartment because storing my stuff and Squirrel meat in the tiny apartment freezer won't work. I now rather wish it WERE hide the body size, but where the fuck would we put it in this over crowded postage stamp apartment?), which means it crumbles and doesn't melt properly. (We were very lucky. Usually squirrel's meat freezer is PACKED, but it had a third empty when disaster struck, which saved the ice cream and the more expensive stuff I had like assorted vegetarian burger meats, frozen fruit, and cheese. It also meant ice.) I thought I had swiss, but maybe we used it up fast early in the disaster before it could go over.

It keeps going like this. I burned the OTC mostly on medicine, but also some fresh fruit and veg. I'm still pissed they cut OTC nearly in half this year. I'm also angry about the paternalistic "Healthy Food" requirement, which is nonsensical because bagels aren't classed as "healthy food," but cream cheese, Count Chocula cereal, and frozen pizza is, which seems kind of bullshit to me. Goth Millennial thinks it has to do with FDA subsidies and not nutrition at all, which sounds likely to me. I am ALSO pissed that the OTC is designed as a subsidy for large chain grocery store and pharmacies and also I have to pay tax on it. Fucking capitalism. It didn't used to be. It used to be at cost, so more valuable. Instead of doing the food portion like EBT, so I could buy at farmer's markets and also get seeds and starts, I have to go to the second most expensive grocery store in town and have to buy from their limited "healthy foods" list which does not involve starts and seeds. side eye

So I'm likely fucked for paying bills because of the refrigerator, and will need to wait 'til next month to get the rest of the food, and all the fresh fruit and the best vegetables are coming into season, tempting me to burn toilet paper on money on what I KNOW, are luxuries. I live a block away from a market garden that gets fresh fruit and sundries shipped fresh each morning from other local family farms and they have fruit so fresh and good nothing that nothing I've ever tasted can touch the quality. I am sleeping on sheets so torn I struggle not to put my legs through the holes and the visit to a friend in another town I'd hoped to do this month is postponed, possible cancelled.

I know, I know, this is one lost Summer for me while people are literally dying of starvation in Gaza. I'm just exhausted from the heat and the physio and the constant barrage of disasters hitting my friends one after the other. Some friends caught COVID. Goth Millennial is still fighting the unjust firing and the same employer is threatening another of my Millennials over the same bullshit. Us: "You need to tell the Union. " And the housing department is foot dragging and there this whole thing going on with a bunch of other bureaucracy stuff, and, and, and….

I still have not heard back on them raising the housing rate in August, so I can't even plan properly. Did they not get quorum? Did the protest work? Who knows? It's weird they've sent no email, right?

[sniper-rifle-coffee]

So had a tough day Saturday me & the family had a funeral for our grandmother and grandfather, long story not short, my oldest brother broke that night I had to take control of him & my younger brother, so oldest blacked out making me regret leaving my kids then told me every day he thinks about his dad walking out then as he became older he felt that he had to become the father of the family an we see that in him I look up to him but after him all this I still need to be there for him he was in so much pain he then talks alone to our little brother at some point they were on the ground hugging crying screaming that was bad because as soon as I went to split them up our little brother bolts to the highway yelling screaming I chased him down an get him back to the car after calming him down oh lord it was so fucked that night traumatized both of us I'm pretty sure our little brother won't be going to anymore family events because of what my older brother said an did there's so much my older brother broke me talked about my kids made me feel worthless even though he said he feels like a bum lower then me since I'm a father he then started to yell in my face I have to keep all the family members together every year or two I have to contact all our family even though he was doing that telling everyone there that we have to meet least a 1 or 2 year for now on, the thing about my family we only meet when death occurs its rare for us to come together ever it's just were not social that much so we meet near never,

I get why my brother wants us all to come back to being a family there's not many of us left he then also started to say he's now the oldest one in the family on our moms side this all seems so fucked up didn't help that my older brother did nothing for our oldest brother that's why I had to deal with them seem I'm always the one that needs to keep pushing on but I'm fucken tired lately I stay up nights in a row the longest I've gone without sleep was nearly 3 days keeping busy cleaning my place my roommates parents place even cutting there grass just to keep busy just getting fucked up after work high asf drunk I'm so tired but can't sleep I have so much going on since this funeral, bills family friends roommates fighting daily so im popping pills painkiller for my body hurting my fucker feet I still need to see my doc for that & a bloody fucken refill been near a month trying to get my 15mg so nearly a month having only 2mg of my Anti psychotic my mom thinks I can't sleep because I've pretty much been off my meds I need 17mg I'm missing 15mg so smoking weed is a high risk but I've been risking it need it helps me slow down, plus bills an debt collectors keep emailing me and calling me every day I just started to pay for my child support a wonderful 310$ each month now that'll be great for rent tight asf they took this amount when I was doing windows and doors that was a great paying job, the job I do now is like half a cheque compared to windows so my CS is little high weird timing so my son is also going to have a new brother or sister she told me that she's with child from a guy she put in jail he's out an guess they're having a child that's pretty awesome but little fucked up this guy man should have stayed in jail he hit her an yelled at my boy fuck him but eh as long he don't fuck up ill be chill don't like him one bit,

ah anyways so I got my bills paid for living here but my phone bill is fucked for my ex I have her on my plan she don't pay for this bill even though she gets heavy charges going to the USA using data roam my last bill mine 240$ hers 350$ to 400$ because going to the usa so much it hits the bill fucken hard I paid 410$ few days ago the remainder is 600$ an due on the 24th so I have to message her again to help pay the bill or get cut off I can't afford for her to up fuck the phone bill just to fuck some guy in the usa thank fuck the night we fight I told her I don't trust her & that she's paying for the fucken suv I got her she's got a really good paying easy family job in IT she could easily pay for some of the phone bill but won't so seems if no pay by Saturday she's off it I just pray I can get her off it.

Still hurting missing my kids I had to leave I couldn't live with her an her dad any longer in the ghetto bug Infested Projects with her lies an doing things behind my back it even shows soon after i left she just went right to the other guy..

you know what's another fucked thing she pays 400 for fucken rent I pay 1750 three ways maybe 2 ways soon fuck me man then pay for water an hydro internet foods house hold things so like I said too roommates been fighting an I'm the guy in the middle listening to both sides seems I'm the one that keeps them from losing it fully on each other one mate been sick missing lots of work not cleaning after him self & get real messy when his gf comes visiting even though all he does is game on pc every day n night so me an other mate talked he said if he misses rent or borrows off me again he wants him out I get it but I said we got to give him a chance even though there had been a few chances already fuck hate being the nice good guy for people I'm so tired left an right just trying my best to keep peace an people happy I did my best for my kids the girls probably maybe miss me or hates me for not getting to say bye or why,

I finally just met my son while back for the first time had a great day getting to know him an play in a park together ate some food had Ice cream that was a great day at the forks,

but I was there for my girl 9years an didn't even get two years for my daughter I hate my ex why would she do it leave me in the dark I known we were drifting apart but I wanted to be there for the kids so badly I feel so useless & cowardly I just couldn't live with her for months I wouldn't hold her I'd sleep far in the corner against the wall most nights to hold my daughter as she slept in the middle of the bed my heart hurts not feeling hers anymore I'm crying again I keep missing out on so much I only get updates from my mom about how my daughter's are doing I'm in so much fucken pain feel lost an stuck suffering daily guess it's what I deserve I could have stayed but I knew what was happening an I mentally couldn't do it any longer if I stayed I would have had psychosis again it would have been some time but it was going to happen living like that small rooms I've learned what triggered my last one her an her family with a mix of alot of alcohol an weed. Last few days non stop thinking life is really fucking me it's so hard I sometimes get to vent to my mate helps but I still feel so alone my freinds don't get or feel what I deal with or gone through I feel so depressed and Defeated my only fix is weed alcohol an painkillers lately that's all I do keep busy fix clean move shit work I'm tired same thing daily work coffee music I go out now again just to try an social hang out with friends but ever night is rough sleep maybe few hours then repeat over an over shit just keeps building up I need a real break I'm hoping this weekend to finally chill out I wanna keep venting but this is alot an probably enough bitching it's me I shouldn't do this but I feel breaking writing things out I stopped writing on my notes since the ward guy in there I let him use my phone & he fucked with my notes this is my last place to escape vent talk just to feel a little better.

I just need a break soon it's killing me slowly living like this. Fucken trauma keeps creeping in my mind since the family get together for our grandparents.

[thisisthelifeiwant]

Wieiad when I know I can't avoid eating

I usually med to high restrict but I do less if I know I'm going to be around people who 1. make me eat and 2. know what I want to eat so I can't lie and say I don't want it

Sw - 128.8 lbs

Height - 5'4

Bmi - 22.1

Day 1 - 515

Fast - 18 hrs (highly recommend fasting to keep yourself from eating "just one bite")

Food:

White monster - 10

Sugar free mocha - 105

Cheeto puffs - 60

Homemade cheesy pasta ~ 600 I have to guess cause we don't use a recipe for it :(

Exercise:

Walking - 60

Cardio - 200

Total: 775 - 260 = 515

Day 2 - 425

Fast - 24 hrs (my longest fasting record!!!)

Food:

White monster - 10

Crystal light (bad 🤢) - 5

Cherry pepsi zero - 0

Homemade cheesy pasta leftovers ~ 600

Sips from my girlfriend's cherry limeade - 10

Exercise:

Running/walking 2.1 miles - 200

Total: 625 - 200 = 425

I use this to calculate my running and walking calories and then split the difference between 1% and 2% incline to account for running and/or being outside

Day 3 - 1235

Fast - 14 hrs

Food:

Strawberry monster - 10

Spicy chicken sandwich - 238

Cookie - 90

Fries -30

Mac and cheese - 600 my girlfriend switched our plates so i had the bigger amount :(((

Mini twix - 50

Starburst - 20

Cheeseburger - 221

Fries - 300

Sauce - 20

Diet dr pepper - 0

Exercise:

Used this but had to stop early cause my mom got home and burpees make too much noise on the second floor :/

30 push-ups - 12

60 sec arm circles - 10

30 burpees- 13

35 squats - 12

40 jumping jacks - 17

1 min wall sit - 5

10 min tiny waist pilaties - 75

Work - 200

Total: 1579 - 344 = 1235

Day 4 - 1690

Okay so I not only started my period this day but it was also my gf and I's one year anniversary so don't judge me too harshly

Food:

One belvita thing - 115

Most of a cheeseburger - 250

Soft pretzel - 400

Cheeto puffs - 140

Tiny bit of funnel cake - 30

Chocolate icecream cone (it was free :D) - 400

Iced mocha - 400

Diet cherry limeade - 5

Cheddar bites - 320

Pretzel twist (can you tell I like pretzels) - 250

Bite of my gf's food - 30

Exercise:

Walking - 200

Jumping - 350

Playing tetherball (I cut my hand open 😔) - 100

Total: 2340 - 650 = 1690

Day 5 (final day) - 1737

I went to the city with my gf (hour and a half away) and we went and got so much food and I didn't realize how many calories were in all of it :(

Food:

Cinnamon roll donut - 280

Pepsi zero cherry - 0

Wings - 409

Mozzarella sticks - 260

Pepsi zero - 0

Boba - 528 (why so much 😭😭😭)

Pizza - 500

Bread sticks - 300

Cinnamon sticks - 300

Coke zero - 0

Exercise:

Walking - 570

Total: 2307 - 570 = 1737

End stats

Ew - 130.4 lbs

Bmi - 22.3

Honestly, I was worried it was gonna be so much worse so I'm not too upset about the 1.5 lb gain. I can work that off in no time, tho I really wish I didn't get that boba now that I know how many calories are in it :((

[ryescapades]

12:36 a.m. | childe

— on one of the many nights childe visits you is when he decides he wanted to change how your relationship has been going.

character: childe / tartaglia / ajax [genshin impact] x gn!reader

genre/warning: i think childe is a bit ooc, fluff, mention of childes real name, some suggestive parts if u squint, curses, injuries, blood, stuff like that etc etc idk lol

notes: something is definitely wrong with me and the "tending to injuries" prompt 🚶 also idk what to call this so i put timestamp as the title instead

to say how your relationship with childe couldn't be explained, was understandable.

you never knew where you stood in his life. ever since the first time you saw him, you immediately concluded that he was someone extremely out of your league, so the thought of being with him– let alone speak a word to him– never crossed your mind.

but here you were. one conversation turned two, turned many on various occasions of the day. what you would call friendly glances and waves of the hand; other people nearby definitely knew they were not just friendly because the two of you flirt with each other almost half of the times. the amount of times he had spent bags and bags of mora just to buy you little gifts you never asked for or even things you never knew you needed. how he seemed to be around you all the time; protecting you from monsters, saving you from creepy folks, lingering touches, taking a short break from his fatui work just to go say hi to you and more of those stuff.

it has been many months since you first met him, and for some reason he had taken the habit of visiting you later after the sun was gone from the horizon. he would do what he wanted that night and after that, he'd be on his way back to his own abode. be it to have a short, random chat at your front door, helping you cook dinner and eat together, or just stopping by to give you a little trinket he got during his adventures, he never failed to show up at your door.

though there were certain nights he would be doing some questionable things...

and tonight was one of those nights.

you turned in your sleep when you heard the rapid knocks on your front door. your plan was to completely ignore the noise, but sadly it was thrown out of the window when the loud as fuck knocking sounds never ceased.

grumbling, you willed yourself to wake up and get out of the bed. who thought it was a good idea to try and fucking knock my door down in the middle of the night, you internally complained, yet you could already guess who it was.

sighing as you (finally) arrived at the front door, you mumbled a "yes, yes, who is it?" before opening the door.

you cursed.

no, literally you cursed.

"holy fuck. childe?" you exhaled, eyes widened a little in shock.

this was not what you were expecting.

by this; you mean childe leaning beside the door, a dirty hand gripping the side of his torso that looked like it was bleeding (archons, it was bleeding ..?!), many more small cuts and scratches littered other parts of his body, his expression tight in pain but he still managed to send you a grin.

"hey there. mind helping me out, comrade?" he breathed out.

with sleep now gone, you swiftly went to his side, taking the other arm he was not using to suppress his wound, and placed it around your shoulder. your other hand went to hold his waist and slowly started to maneuver him into your house.

"childe, you're bleeding so much. archons, my poor floors... i could've passed out if i wasn't so worried about cleaning all these stains." you murmured in despair and the ginger could only laugh and give you a shaky apology.

you lead him to your kitchen, and sat him down on one of the stools. you gently positioned him so that he was sitting comfortably and was not putting any unnecessary pressure on his bleeding side.

"wait here. i'm going to take my med kit. be right back!" you said before rushing towards your room.

meanwhile the man himself, childe blinked several times as to get himself to stay conscious. he softly groaned in pain.

initially, he never planned on stopping by your house. his injuries were already severe when he finished off his enemies. he knew there were still several of them lingering around the area. the chances of them trailing after him was huge so he didn't want to risk getting you into his mess if he ever got ambushed by the time he arrived at your house.

not to mention you lived near, yet outside of the harbour.

alas, the deepest inner side of him; the side that longed to see you all the time, to be in your presence, to be with you, won.

is it too much to be this indulgent sometimes? he wondered as he stared at the familiarity that was your kitchen.

childe's train of thoughts were cut off when you arrived back at the kitchen with medical supplies in your hands.

you quickly walked over to him and got to work, not wanting any more blood stains on your beloved floors knowing how painful injuries like those could be.

"uh, will that hurt badly if i ask you to undress?" you awkwardly asked while pointing to his side.

if he wasn't injured, childe would've teased you about saying such a scandalous thing but he was too tired to talk that much. he was losing a lot of blood anyway so he could only closed his eyes and shook his head.

"it's fine, i can handle it. but you have to help me though. i can't do it on my own." he admitted, opting to give you a teasing smile instead.

"right... um, okay." you stuttered a little, fighting the urge to blush. you moved closer to him, hand reaching out to remove the layers of his clothing. thankfully they were buttoned clothes so you could just push them aside while you tend to his wound.

as his clothes were now out of the way, you cleared your throat slightly (definitely not because you were flustered seeing his slim yet built chest and abdomen). you noticed that the injury was on the lower side, the long gash starting from the side of his hip and it ended a few centimeters under his belly button.

it was almost parallel to his adonis belt.

realizing this, you cursed the monster or person that gave him this big ass cut.

"you'll need a lot of stitching there. i'm not sure why you didn't go to bubu pharmacy. surely they'll give you better treatment." you voiced out your curiosity.

childe let out a chuckle. "yeah, i wondered about that too. but it's not like i get injuries like this often. simple treatments like yours will do just fine."

"and what if i made it worse? you could probably end up dead tomorrow morning. who knows?" you countered jokingly to which he hummed in amusement. by now you've already stopped the bleeding and cleaned the blood around the area. other minor works aside, it's just the stitches left.

the next thing happened was almost as if it was natural.

childe noticed how uncomfortable the position you were in; you were standing beside the stool he was sitting on, tending to him with your neck bent so low you must've felt it cramping. he parted his legs in instinct and absent-mindedly, you accepted his invitation and stepped between them and kneeled down.

a second passed when it finally dawned on the both you.

once again you fought from becoming red in the face. you looked up at him, "are you okay like this?" your voice were so quiet childe wouldn't have heard it if he wasn't so focused on you.

so many thoughts ran through his mind.

"are you?" the way his voice turned raspy and his pupils dilated didn't go unnoticed by you. this time, you couldn't fight the blush anymore, cheeks tinted with red as you embarrasedly glanced away.

"i'm just fine. you're the one injured here so i should prioritize your comfort." you claimed. he didn't reply. you cleared your throat for the second time that night and concluded, "i'm guessing you're okay too so i'm going to start stitching you up now." you mumbled, trying to get over the sexual tension.

—

"seriously, childe. you need to go get proper treatments once you can walk properly on your own." you spoke as you tidy up the supplies you had used to treat him. closing the kit, you looked up at him to lecture more when you noticed childe was pushing his hair away from his eyes using his forearm.

that was cute...- anyway, his hands were still dirty with blood.

"sorry, what were you saying, sweetheart?" he looked at you in question, sheepishly grinning after his eyes were finally free from stray strands of ginger hair.

choosing to ignore the nickname like always, you shook your head. "it's nothing. do you want to wash your hand at the sink or just a wet towel is fine?" you changed the topic. he contemplated for a few seconds. "i think i can manage moving to the sink with some help."

once again you helped him stand up properly, and walked him over to the sink. "here, lean on me." you said as you moved him to stand behind you, letting yourself to support his body weight.

he took the opportunity to put his chin on your shoulder and stared at the side of your face, smiling stupidly as you opened the tap. you took both of his hands in yours and moved them under the water to wash away all of the crimson liquid.

childe felt his heart clenched at the feeling of your hands touching his, your fingers slowly rubbing his skin. despite the bubbles of soap on both of your hands, he could still feel the softness of you.

he loves this feeling. this gentle, tender and vulnerable feeling. he loves you.

that's right. he, tartaglia, the 11th of the fatui harbingers is so madly, deeply and crazily in love with everything that was you.

"hey, are you okay?" childe was brought back to reality when he heard you.

has your voice been this melodic? how did he notice this just now? his mind went insane just thinking about your voice, not even registering that he was back on the stool he previously sat on and you were standing in front of him, between his legs like before.

"marry me."

it was like a pin just dropped onto the ground.

"...what?" you murmured, your eyes widening as you tried to comprehend what this man was saying.

should i get my hopes up, a part of you said, which you chose to disregard.

you stared deep into the ocean depths of his eyes, trying to seek for the truth, or lie, anything.

in an instance, mirth and mischief filled his eyes.

you clicked your tongue, registering that this was one of the many times he decided to be playful and joke around. "don't mess with me like that!" you exclaimed, shoving his shoulder lightly.

huffing, you started to step away from him but you didn't make it far. childe took a hold of your wrist and pulled you back in between his legs. you stumbled a little, hands moving out to his chest.

"chi-"

"i told you that you can call me ajax." he spoke, a hand to your hip to pull you closer as he grinned when he saw your flustered face. you only narrowed your eyes at him.

"no, seriously though. marry me, y/n." you nearly stopped yourself when you heard his voice turned deeper and serious.

you scoffed. "this is not the time to joke around-"

"i mean it."

you peered into his eyes for a long time.

this time, the mischievous glint was not there. his eyes were hard, intently gazing into yours as if he was trying to unlock all of your deepest secrets yet there was that one thing that made you scared.

sincerity.

he was sincere about asking you to marry him. to commit your whole lives and be together. your brain suddenly conjured up all these questions and you felt like losing your mind. you? marrying him?? you've never kissed him! much less hold his hand, peck his cheek, hug him or any of that couple stuff.

saying you only like him as a friend was arguably a lie. eventhough the two of you have been on thin ice about your relationship, you never trust yourself to indulge in these feelings, scared of losing what you already have with him. childe never confessed anything, so you didn't either. he's sometimes secretive with the things he dealt with. not to add he's a fatui harbinger, for gods' sake!

"childe, we're not- i'm not even your significant other, why-" you laughed stiffly and glanced away, trying to get out of his hold but he didn't let go. "you don't have to be my significant other first, y/n. who said i have to be your boyfriend first before asking you to marry me? besides, you know how long we've been in this push and pull game and i find it tiring. i want to make you mine. permanently, if you'd allow me." he said as he leaned in, forehead touching yours and lips only a hair breadth away from each other.

you closed your eyes, feeling your walls shattering in front of him. "are you serious about this?" you asked in a small voice. "yes, y/n. i am seriously, genuinely and wholeheartedly asking for your hand in marriage."

you exhaled shakily. "yes."

childe opened his eyes to look at you. "yes? yes?! are you saying yes?" he exclaimed excitedly. if you didn't know any better, you would've believed he has a tail wagging behind him like crazy.

you laughed. "yes, ajax. i want to marry you."

"oh, thank the tsaritsa! finally you're mine!" the ginger couldn't contain his feelings anymore, grabbing your face and connecting his lips with yours in a deep kiss. your arms slid up around his neck, pulling him even closer as you felt your heart beat as one with the love of your life.

can you tell how much i hate love childe tartaglia ajax 11th of the fatooey harbingers

[lilysdaydreams]

For Them

→ Pairing : Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre : fluff.

→ Warnings : Swearing, Reader panicking a bit.

→ Request : Heya! I was thinking maybe a corpse x reader where the reader is playing among us with him and the gang and they use the proximity mic and he walks past her to hear her singing and she’s kept her singing like a MAJOR secret because she’s shy about it- idk you don’t have to do it if ya don’t feel like it it’s just an idea 💛

→ A/N : Oh my god, did Lily finally finish writing something??? YES SHE DID. Pretty happy with this, so I hope you guys enjoy as well! Sorry for any spelling mistakes :) Requests are open!

~~~

You grabbed the water on the table, moving to the side and out of the camera to quickly take a few sips. You could hear the rest of the group still yelling about the previous game. You laughed quietly hearing Peter and Rae yell at each other.

Looking over at chat you hummed as you took  in the questions.

"How much longer am I streaming?" you read out the question.

"Probably a few more games. Maybe like 30 more minutes. I wanna go get dinner soon." you mumbled as you kept on scanning the chat.

A random question caught your eye.

"Do I sing?" you read out with a laugh.

"Wow, that's such a random question oh my god. Um, I used to want to be a singer when I was a kid," you started leaning back in your chair. You looked at the ceiling reminiscing and chuckled when you remembered the concerts you used to throw for your parents.

"I used to get my parents to be the audience and I would sing all my different songs for them. When they weren't free, I would do it for all of my plushies on my bed. Oh my god, I probably have old videos in the basement or something."

You smiled wistfully, looking back onto the screen.

"Those were good times," you muttered.

Looking back onto chat, your eyes widened at the amount of  "SING FOR US" messages.

"Woah guys, calm down, that was when I was a kid. I don't sing seriously you know that right?" you questioned, laughing at how fast the chat was going.

"Okay okay," you said smiling when they didn't stop. "Lemme ju- Oh wait" you cut yourself off seeing the words "IMPOSTER" light up your screen.

"LETS GOOOOO" you yelled, turning your mic on again for the game. Everyone's voice slowly faded as people went different ways. You  stuck with Lily, both of you going straight to medbay.

"Lilyyyyy" you said dragging her name out.

"Y/N" she said doing the same to you.

You giggled, and asked her if she had med scan.

"Nope, I have the inspecting the sample one."

"Ohh okay," you said getting on the med scan and pretending to scan. You watched as Lily finished her task, saying a quiet "bye" and rushing off to the next task.

You sighed, moving off the scan and starting to walk towards weapons. "Lily's so nice, I'm so glad I got to meet her through this. Like, she's the absolute sweetest I swear, I'm hoping that I get to m-" you got cut off by a body being reported.

"Already?" you asked, others echoing. You gasped when you saw who was killed, immediately whining about how someone could kill Sykunno, while playfully glaring at Sean's name, who was the other imposter.

"Okay, so the body was at reactor," revealed Rae.

"I was in the cafeteria, going towards weapons. Me and Lily were in Medbay before but she left before me," you said leaning back.

Lily confirmed this, also stating that she was in weapons now.

Sean, Corpse and Felix all said they were in Electrical, and Poki said she'd been in storage.

You looked at the chat again, not saying anything while the rest said where they were.

The chat was still spamming "Sing please!" and you looked back to the game without giving an answer. If you were being honest, then what you had said before was a lie. You still sang. Hell, it had been your dream to release your songs ever since you started writing at 15. You had started singing by singing for your parents. Ever since their car crash though, you couldn't even think about  performing for anyone else. If you couldn't even  perform for them, then what was the point? For some reason, whenever you thought of  singing in front of someone, you couldn't even get the words out.

You sighed and skipped voting as the timer ticked down. No one was ejected and you started humming slightly as you moved away from everyone.

"Hmm should I sing you a song everyone?" you asked your voice very low. You breathed deeply reminding yourself that technically no one was in the room with you, and it was only your fans watching, a small community of people who were the sweetest you had ever seen.

Going into reactor and moving down to the very end so that no one could see you, you breathed in deeply and started singing lightly, noticing that the lights were off, the blinking arrow in the corner of your screen.

"I think we could do it if we tried

If only to say you're mine

Sofia, know that you and I

Shouldn't feel like a crime

You know I'll do anything you ask me to

But oh my God, I think I'm in love with you

Standin' here alone now, think that we -"

"Y/N what the fuck your voice is -"

You screamed before the person could even finish what they were saying, hitting the "kill" button without even realising, and letting out a gasp when you saw the black body flop over.

"Oh god, oh my god, what did I do?" you whispered staring at Corpses body, half of your brain freaking out over the fact that he had heard you and the other freaking out what to do. You quickly vented, coming out in electrical and pretending to do the download.

"Oh my god, guys!" you whispered furiously, playfully glaring at the camera. "This is all your fault, do you see what I did, I killed someone with my singing... I just got so scared because he came out of absolutely NOWHERE, oh my god guys." Leaving electrical, you heard someone yelling and headed closer to them laughing nervously when you found Toast and Sean yelling at each other.

"Hey guys," you said voice being unnoticed because of all the yelling and you moved into comms pretending to do a task there.

Just as you did that, Pokis body was found, and you gasped as you realised that Sean had killed three people so now there were 5 left. Toast was dead, which means that he just died, which left Sean, you, Rae, Lily and Leslie.

There was a stunned silence for a second as everyone took in the 4 kills and then Rae immediately  attacked.

"Ahh, the body was in cafeteria. Like bottom cafeteria."

"Um, So I just wanna add something, I was coming from the electrical right, and I was walking to comms, and Toast just passed in the middle of storage. I came into comms and Sean is here as well.

"Yup, shes right, toast just left and she came in." confirmed Sean.

"Well, I saw Leslie at the start of the round, we stuck together and then I was with Poki for a bit."

"Yeah okay, but where were you?"

"Well, I went to weapons then I went down into comms and storage and then I went electrical when lights were called and everyone was ther-" she said cutting herself off and gasping.  “Guess who WASNT there? Y/N wasn’t there!”

“Well yeah, I just thought someone else would do it” you replied. “I was all the way in upper engine and I couldn’t be bothered. You all did lights and I was doing my tasks in reactor and then I went to electrical and then I was waking to comms, and then I saw toast and then I got into comma and saw Sean. Even if I was the imposter and killed Toast, I definitely couldn’t have been able to kill Poki.”

“Yeah no, I still think it’s you,” said Rae after a pause, Leslie and Lily both giggling at her.

Lily chimed in then as well, “Yeah I haven’t seen y/n this whole round at ALLLLL, so I think its her as well."

Ignoring your protests, they all voted you out, and you shrugged at the camera as your character was thrown off the  ship.

"I think I'm okay with that guys, I was way too nervous to still play," you muttered, now looking at the chat.

"Guys," you whined suddenly remembering. "I was only meant to sing for you, I didn't want anyone else to hear it, Corpse literally came out of nowhere. I hope he wasn't deafened by my screeching," you grimaced.

The word "Victory" came onto your screen and you huffed out  a laugh as the lobby exploded with noise.

"Lily! I told you it was Sean!" exclaimed Rae.

"Sean was on a killing spree," you added in, sipping your water. "I only killed like two people cuz I was distracted, I swear he literally carried the whole game.”

“He backstabbed me!” said Sykkuno and you could hear the smile in his voice. “I was doing upload while he was right next to me and we were talking about how great this group was and he just killed me right there!”

Suddenly all the attention was on Sykkuno as everyone started cooing.

“Awww, Sykkuno, did you just compliment us?” Rae yelled, lots of other chiming in to tease Sykunno and him ending up stuttering because he got flustered.

“Alright guys,” you said when everyone quieted down. "I think I'm gonna go now."

"NOOOOO" yelled Rae, everyone else echoing her.

You smiled and quickly said your goodbyes, logging off the game and quickly saying bye to the viewers and ending that as well.

Slumping into your chair, your breath quickened. "Oh my god," you whispered, the realization creeping up on you that you had just sung in front of nearly ten thousand people and that Corpse had heard you sing. You and Corpse had met through Among Us with Toast inviting you to the lobby. You had fun playing with him and you'd both followed each other, but most of your interaction was in games. Like sure you'd messaged each other a few times but those were only brief conversations! and sure, maybe you had a small tiny crush on the guy but like WHO WOULDNT? He was sweet, nice and you related to him a lot. The point was, you were absolutely not ready to sing in front of him. You stood up from the chair and went to the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of water to calm down.

Your phone rang and you grabbed it from the counter, choking on the water as you saw that it was from Corpse.

He had never called you before. Like you said you simply weren't that close.

Coughing out a "What the fuck?" you answered the call, grabbing onto the counter for support.

"Hey," you said, confused when there was no sound.

"Uh yeah, Hi Y/N. Its Corpse."

"Ah yeah, I see." You facepalmed yourself, rubbing your forehead. What the fucks was wrong with you.

"Um yeah, so uh I just- You know in the game? Um I kind of - well - I kind of heard you singing, um um, that song."

You stilled, not a breath coming out of you.

"Your voice, its -" he paused, letting out a huge breath. "It's absolutely beautiful."

You opened your mouth not even sure what you were gonna say but he continued talking.

"I just, I cant get it out of my mind. Have you heard some of my music?"

"Um yeah, I-I listened to it when I first heard about you. Your songs are so good!" you exclaimed, finally being able to move your mouth

"Do you think maybe we could do a song together sometime? Your voice would be absolutely amazing on one of the tracks I'm currently working on, its a chill one that I have, kind of like Agoraphobic," he asked, rambling through the sentence.

"Um, Oh my god," you muttered, still confused on if this was actually happening. "Yeah, Yeah definitely that would be so cool."

"Oh. Oh that's great, I-I didn't think you'd agree, that's great, I can send you a sample and the lyrics but -"

"Um," you started cutting him off. "If I'm being honest," you muttered, shoulders coming up to your ears. "I'm actually really conscious about my singing. Like this was the absolute first time I ever even sang on stream, so like sorry- I'm ruining it, but this is just a bit overwhelming for me. It's a great opportunity, and if you want I can definitely try but please don't have big expectations of me okay?" you asked biting your lip slightly. "I'm not that great."

There was a second of silence and then he whispered lightly, "Even if you don't believe it, just from those 30 seconds, I could already tell how amazing your voice was."

Your breath caught but a second later he had already moved on.

"If you want to, we could do a few singing sessions together? Just mess around have some fun? That way you can get a bit more comfortable and have some fun," he suggested, voice changing to a shy one that you hadn't ever heard from him.

~~~

"Yeah sure," you agreed, smiling. "Lets try that."

3 months later, you guys finally released your song. Titled "For Them", you sang about your parents who you had loved dearly, and he sang about his parents and their distant relationship. It showed two different perspectives, two different stories, two different lives, and you both loved it so much.

The song was a success, with fans pouring into your channel and small community and well, your life. Most importantly though, along with all of it, came a mask-wearing man, who held you on the days that it was hard for you, and who you held on the nights that were hard for him.

fin.

[cogentranting]

20 Shows I’ve Watched Ranked by Stabbiness

*Stabbiness is a state of being not solely defined by conventional stabbing as with a knife sword or shank, though the presence of such does constitute an advantage*

Gilmore Girls- 0/10 No stabbiness at all. Made worse by the fact that there are some characters whom I would very much like to see stabbed.  This Is Us- 1/10 Terrible. Lots of feelings, very little stabbing. Even the war scenes in flashbacks prefer feelings to stabbings. But there WAS a war so that’s some stabbiness.  A Million Little Things- 1.5/10 No stabbings to date but someone did get intentionally run down by a car. Also the characters often feel like they’re *this* close to stabbing someone. Chicago Med- 3/10 Slightly higher score because of the number of times I kinda wished some of the characters would get stabbed. But the real points come from Ava going OFF and straight up murdering people right before I quit watching. Also one doctor’s dad was a serial killer.  Psych- 3/10 Lassiter plays at being very stabby, but there’s no real follow through. But it is a murder show, so some of villains bring the score up. Supergirl/Flash- 3.5/10 “kiLlinG is wROng” Nobody asked you. Legends of Tomorrow- 4/10 Had more stabbing early on. Then things went downhill. You hate to see it. House- 5/10 House himself feels a lot of times like he’s really in the medical field for the legalized stabbing. Plus there’s the episode where Chase gets stabbed in the heart.  Lost- 6/10 It’s above average for shows in general but within its genre its pretty restrained. I mean, sure I could list a half a dozen stabbings off the top of my head, but is it a first resort? an instinct? no.  Timeless- 6.5/10 Flynn it up Flynn! Flynn raises the overall score for being himself, but if we’re being real 90% of the team is pretty willing to throw down and murder someone.  Once Upon a Time- 7/10 On the one hand there’s an overreliance on fireballs, but on the other there’s a lovely ornate dagger, that later transforms into the evil sword of true love. Would probably be a point or two lower except for that one stretch of episodes in season 6 where there was like one stabbing per episode AND most of all, the scene when Emma has to stab her true love through the chest.  The Mandalorian- 7/10 He kills people for money so you’d expect it to be higher right? It’s a good score but Din’s a little too focused on adopting kids and all the friends he’s accidentally making. But he’s got a Very Special Sword and a Very Special Spear now so there’s hope for season 3.  Grimm- 7.5/10 Honestly remarkably stabby for what is essentially a procedural. I guess that’s what you get when your main character’s family line is known for decapitating people.  Daredevil- 8/10 Elektra and Karen bring up the score because they’re both being themselves, living their best lives. Go girls! Matt himself is on the receiving end of a lot of stabbiness but doesn’t do much himself. However, his general inclination to fight the entire world is really in the spirit of things. Also Dex is here stabbing people with office supplies so you can’t lose. Prodigal Son- 8/10 The only thing holding it back is that Malcolm doesn’t kill people. He has stabbed at least two people though. And Ainsley had her moment to shine. And Jessica ran a man down with her car. And Malcolm broke his own hand with a hammer. So it makes up for Malcolm’s shortcomings. Vampire Diaries/Teen Wolf- 9/10 when the vast majority of your characters can supernaturally heal themselves they basically just start stabbing each other as a way of saying hello. If I’m giving one show the edge, it’s Vampire Diaries because even when they shoot, they stab because they have little wooden stake bullets. Arrow- 10/10 What is an arrow if not a long distance stabbing device? Oliver’s score is pretty much perfect between the knives, and the arrows, and the flechettes, and the swords. Three different family members take a sword through the chest. Oliver’s problem solving is like “I can’t kill you so I’m just gonna cut all your tendons so you can’t fight” or “I’m not gonna kill the guard so I guess I’ll just frame him by stabbing myself.” Oliver lives and breathes stabbiness.  Supernatural- 11/10 Truly an astounding amount of stabbing. I think all main characters have been stabbed in the chest at least once. At one point Dean is so stabby that if doesn’t stab someone he gets physically ill and could potentially die. They’ve got all kinds of specially designed stabbing tools, including an ancient knife made out of a jawbone. It’s harder to find an episode without stabbing than one with, and there are a LOT of episodes. They stab Death itself.