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faelapis · 8 months

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so i watch wwdits. and i gotta say. that was the worst episode i've ever seen of not just this show, but maybe any show. ever. wow. i'm actually impressed with how bad it was.

i'm considering doing a more serious dissection of how Not to do a character arc or narrative framing. but for now, let me just share some general thoughts:

undoing guillermos vampirism totally shits on his character arc of standing up for himself and taking what he wants regardless of the morality of it. i hate it and it sucks.

also, the reasons make no sense. guillermo has had zero problem killing people until now. the roundabout way they try to explain it, like wow, he could smell someone's shampoo and imagined him picking it out and felt their mutual humanity... why would that not apply to any of the other people he's killed? he's even had somewhat of a relationship with some of them. yet all he's ever done when they die is give a distressed frown AT MOST.

guillermo is a killer and always has been. lately, he's even proud of it. that has, metaphorically, been part of him "embracing who he is."

but what bothered me even more was nandor. we all know this situation (guillermo being turned by someone else) is his fault for neglecting turning guillermo for 13 years... but instead, everything is framed as guillermos own fault for having someone else turn him. like - look at how mad you made nandor, guillermo. look what you've caused, guillermo. look what you made him do.

which, yikes. i feel like i dont need to say how bad that is.

even worse than nandors jealous rage.... i really hate the stupid condescending "forgiveness" afterwards. thats actually worse. like guillermo was right to be meek and apologetic for this, like it IS something he needs to be forgiven for. but its "okay" now because nandor "forgave" him. lets just move on. no need to interrogate nandors entitlement over guillermo.

you can argue theres the unstated idea that nandor is overreacting. sure. we, the audience, dont want guillermo to die, and thats part of the irreverent way the show treats death and killing.

but still, yknow?

i feel like i'm taking crazy pills, because the real question isnt whether nandor should "forgive" guillermo. in this context, guillermo has done nothing wrong. nandor totally reneged on their agreement as vampire-familiar. guillermo is supposed to serve nandor, and in return, nandor is supposed to turn guillermo. but he keeps not doing it, and in general being shitty towards guillermo. so guillermo takes matters into his own hands.

that COULD be a great character beat. it could confront nandor with his selfishness, and this uneven power relationship where he gets guillermo to stay by not fulfilling his promise.

but the question of whether guillermo should forgive nandor for not turning him, or for throwing a fit when someone else does? not even brought up. even though that really seems like the most pressing question. its crazy how subservient and apologetic guillermo suddenly is, like its S1 all over again. he does some token yelling at nandor, but his primary emotion is clearly guilt. its not enough to remotely change the shitty framing.

look. this show doesnt exactly have much "morality", and i dont want it to. i dont want any of these guys to become upstanding citizens. i like the irreverent tone and how theyre all killers.

but i do care about character arcs and agency.

guillermo has been treated like hes inferior the whole time hes been a familiar. and hes put up with it because he wanted to be a vampire. so by becoming a vampire, he forces the relationship to become equal. he also finally gets what he wants. which is ESPECIALLY poignant when it happens regardless of what nandor wants. it takes back his own agency over the situation, because nandor CAN'T hold it over his head anymore.

and then nandor doesnt like it. and goes into a murderous rage because of own entitlement at being the one to turn guillermo. thats fine as a starting point to a character arc, but guillermo doesn't even stand up for himself. he doesnt fight back as he should - or really, would, given how he's evolved to be more assertive. and then its reinforced by the stupid "forgiveness", like nandor has any right to forgive someone who did nothing wrong. it sets up this convenient scenario where nandor is not confronted for being a shitty master, but guillermo IS confronted for taking control of his own life.

and now, just as conveniently, guillermo just... doesnt like being a vampire, either. so nandor gets to further be a "good friend" making amends by helping "unturn" him. all framed like its about guillermo finding out what he "really" wants.

this is lame and it sucks. not only because guillermos reasons make no sense (again, he's been a killer this whole time? if anything, his arc is more accepting his own lack of morality), but because it resets the chessboard in a way where nandor doesnt have to learn anything.

nandor doesnt have to confront the sting of guillermo having agency to make this choice without him. he doesnt have to deal with the fact that it never got to be him who turns guillermo. he doesnt have to be forcibly confronted with the fact that he now has to treat guillermo as an equal, because guillermo now doesn't need anything from him.

and it sucks because all that could actually be a great jumping off point for them to, despite everything, start a real relationship. maybe even a romantic one. they could mutually realize they actually care about each other. regardless of this pact.

and you can say that by guillermo deciding to be human (as extremely lame and deeply uncool as that is), it also gives them this "equality." because he would stay with the vampires because he wants to, not because he needs something from nandor.

but you're missing the point - its NANDOR who needs to learn. its HE who needs to be confronted by guillermo making his own choices.

so guillermo just... conveniently changing his mind because he was a full vampire for one (1) fucking day and suddenly decided he's too good to kill people?

it robs nandor of that entire arc. and no, i'm not counting his stupid "forgiving" guillermo as learning to treat him like an equal. that would require a lot more introspection about his own entitlement. that would require him to actually say with his chest that guillermo had every right to make this choice, and its not on nandor to forgive him, its on guillermo whether he would forgive nandor.

that doesn't happen. what actually happens is nandor decides to show guillermo "mercy," which, again, firmly places the agency in nandor's hands. at no point does he have to be vulnerable and accept that guillermo might not want to be with him. at no point does he have to introspect about how he's treated him this whole time.

also. there is a long, proud line in patriarchal thinking of husbands "forgiving" their wives for perceived "disobedience," which only reinforces the husband as the head of the household and that said wives "should" have been more obedient. forgiveness is not always an act of kindness. sometimes it's very condescending. which it is here.

(same for the interpretation i've seen from some, that nandor "always knew" guillermo wasn't cut out to be a vampire. like that's why he didn't turn him. what a horrible, condescending idea. i don't know how you can look at nandor being like "i'm not going to give you what you want, because i know better than you" and not think it's shit.)

yes, i'm aware of the cheating metaphor. but its a bad metaphor. at least, not without acknowledging that its been an unequal relationship for 13 years where one partner has been neglecting the other constantly. at that point, the nuance should really come out and maybe the partner "cheating" isnt the worst here.

but that doesn't happen.

also... it's just a bad episode. like. in general. like the whole thing with the guide, where you think she actually gets to assert herself? sounds great. too bad its totally undone by gaslighting her into thinking they do like her and are nice to her. like the problem is they just didnt verbalize that "enough." thats yet another bullied or ignored character whose arc of standing up for themselves (even by immoral means, because its an immoral fantasy show) is undercut.

it sucks. guillermo sucks for losing his defiant streak (and metaphorical empowerment through vampirism), nandor sucks for being entitled. this whole show sucks. i suck for bothering to stick with it so long. i'm done. i'm out.

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits spoilers #i've mostly just been in that fandom on twitter but consider this a formal goodbye on all platforms because wowww #what a shitfest #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless

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nellie-elizabeth · 9 months

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What We Do in the Shadows: Pride Parade (5x03)

What an episode, holy shit.

Cons:

I can't think of anything I'd change about this one! I guess I'll repeat my comment that the Guide doesn't have a ton to do. The joke seems to be that she's superfluous and ignored, but she does feel superfluous to me, so it's just not that funny.

Pros:

Where to start? The Nadja plot thread was hilarious. All of the physical comedy of the doll inside vampire-Nadja's body was a delight, I was laughing out loud at so much of this. And then the grotesqueness of Colin and Doll-Nadja both inhabiting vampire-Nadja's body? The duet they sang at the pride event? I don't even have anything coherent to say about any of this, it was just hilarious all the way through. The ending gag of Lazlo deflowering doll-Nadja who is possessing vampire-Nadja, along with Colin, with vampire-Nadja inside doll-Nadja egging them all on... I mean, what other show can you think of that would ever do something as batshit insane as this? It's incredible.

The main plot is about Sean running for comptroller, and planning a Staten Island Pride Parade to try and help get more support from the LGBTQ community. He comes to the gang because he knows they're all part of that community and he wants their advice and to get them involved. Lazlo takes things to the next level and volunteers to make the float and help to host, clearly jazzed about the idea. I love that we've gone from implied queerness early on to just full-throated, "yes, everyone in this house is super gay". We even have Nadja saying that "we all fuck each other" which seemingly canonizes the implication that has been made at several earlier points in the show. There's even that ending moment where Nandor and Guillermo walk in on the rest of them having sex, and Guillermo turns to leave, and Nandor says "are you sure?" as he seemingly prepares to join in as well. My goodness.

I've always said Guillermo is my favorite character on this show, and he remains that, but Lazlo really does take a close second. I loved his enthusiasm for the parade, his silly costume, and most of all I love the experimenting with Guillermo. Now that he knows his big secret about being bitten by a vampire, he's determined to find out all he can about his condition. They run all sorts of tests together, which prove that Guillermo is certainly a vampire of some sort, but seems to have a lot of limitations in that regard. He's not compelled to count all the spilled rice the way Nandor and Lazlo both are, he is able to go out in the sun, but he does successfully levitate something, and he can grow bat ears and small wings, even if they are useless. And his sweat is vampire sunscreen, meaning Lazlo is able to enjoy the daylight for a while!

It's... charming, the way Lazlo seems to be invested in Guillermo, wanting to discover this mystery and also potentially protect him (and Nandor) from the pain that would come if the truth came out. He could just tell Guillermo's secret and let Nandor deal with it however he likes, but he legitimately seems to care.

Which, of course, drives Nandor crazy. The fact that Nandor is openly jealous when Guillermo seems to be spending so much time with Lazlo is hilarious to me. We've come so far from season one, when Nandor admitting that Guillermo meant anything to him would have been absurd. He plans to fly into space to prove that he can, and when Guillermo asks if he's doing it to impress him, we see Nandor being interviewed, seeming to scoff at the suggestion, before ultimately admitting: "yes."

And of course he does succeed, before falling immediately back to Earth in a fiery crater, thus showing up naked to the Pride Parade, triumphant at last. I loved Guillermo's shock as he rushes to wrap Nandor up to cover his nudity.

And then we get the final little parade bit at the end, everybody dancing and enjoying the music. The shot of Guillermo holding up his little sign, and seeming to get into it despite himself, was the cutest fucking thing. We'd heard earlier that he'd never been to Pride before, so seeing him be able to celebrate who he is actually warmed my heart quite a bit!

I honestly have no idea where we go from here, this show is so insane that I can't predict whatever craziness they'll come up with next. I'm ready for more shenanigans between Nandor, Guillermo, and Lazlo, and I'm eager to see how things will go when Nandor learns the truth!

9/10

#review #what we do in the shadows #what we do in the shadows review #wwdits #wwdits review

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episodeoftv · 8 months

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Round 2 of 8, Group 2 of 4

propaganda and summaries are under the cut (May include spoilers)

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War: 1.12 I Can't Hear the Fireworks / Kaguya Doesn't Want to Avoid Him

After being forced to abandon seeing fireworks with her fellow Student Council members, Kaguya shuts herself up in her dark bedroom. Hayasaka, Kaguya's maid, is worried about her mistress's depressive state. She tries to cheer Kaguya up and when that doesn't work, introduces a plan to sneak out of the family mansion. Kaguya manages to slip past a pair of vigilant butlers and reaches the venue, but the fireworks display is already over. Kaguya is in tears, since she really wanted to see the fireworks with the others, but then she hears a familiar voice: "Then, I'll show them to you".

What We Do in the Shadows: 5.03 Pride Parade

cw for nudity and sex (the sex scene is completely clothed, common for this show).

The vampires help Sean host a Pride parade; Nadja helps her doll achieve a long-held dream.

So much is happening. Nandor's having his little jealousy arc over Guillermo spending more time with Laszlo than with him. Meanwhile, Guillermo's transformation slowlya and grotesquly continues. Laszlo makes suncream from Guillermo's sweat and literally gets to frolic in the sun for the first time in centuries! Also, they try to disprove some common vampire myths, like having to count grains of rice that fell on the floor (true) or their powers of flying. Nandor claims he can fly to outer space, and tries to prove it only to impress Guillermo. Meanwhile, Nadja (who broke the legs of the Doll Being Posessed By The Spirit Of Deceased Human Nadja offscreen between seasons) switches bodies with Spirit Of Deceased Human Nadja (yes, in this show a woman is posessed by the spirit of herself). We find out that Human Nadja died a virgin, so they enter her into a speed dating event. It turns out that Human Nadja is even worse at interacting with modern humans than Vampire Nadja is. Nandor then flies to space, equipped with a go-pro and a selfie stick. They then literally have Colin Robinson ALSO posess the body of Vampire Nadja, which ends in some sorta Harry Potter 1 (it's the best comparison ok) type creature with Nadja's face in the front and Colin Robinson's face in the back. Meanwhile, the underlying plot of this episode is that they are all actually helping their Human Neighbour Sean with organizing a pride parade (a ploy by him to increase his voting block with the LGBTQ+ community), and finally the psrade begins. Nandor literally crashes it as he falls down from space, getting up buck naked and slightly charred, gloating to Guillermo about how he did it. Then the pride parade begins, and the highlight is clearly Guillermo (who came out as gay to his family last season), having his own little cart where he's just holding a sign that says "Gay Man". He's been scrutinizing this whole event from the second it was suggested, but in the end, he slowly stsrts to get into it, learning to enjoy himself. The episode ends with Laszlo fucking the body of his wife, which inhabits two different people, while his actual wife in her doll body sits on his shoulder. This is very much consentual by all parties involved.

#kaguya sama love is war #ksliw #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #poll #polls #round2 #r2g2

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cookinguptales · 2 years

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In reference to Guillermo not objecting, I feel like another portion of it could be linked to the fact that he doesn’t know about the recent wish. Like what if regardless of his feelings, being the heart guard, and overall desire for Nandor to be happy he also is in the mindset that he may be planning to leave and be with Freddy. He realizes that as much as he cares about Nandor, his time with him is limited and he can look to Marwa as a possible solution to guilt about leaving him. He personally knows about how hard it can be at times to love Nandor due to his selfish attitude and knows that whoever he is with needs to unconditionally love Nandor to take care of him. It’s like a changing of the guards situation. He also is likely unaware of Nandor not planning to turn Marwa so he may be under the impression that Nandor could begin to love Marwa as time goes on. Like part of me feels like most of the ‘not jealous’ behavior is genuine as it makes ripping the bandaid off easier.

I mean, some of that's true? But people who barely even knew either one of them knew immediately that they didn't love each other. (See: The Baron.) I think it was extremely obvious that Marwa was not a real viable option for Nandor, even if Guillermo actually wanted her to be.

Guillermo may not have known about the wish, but neither did most of the other people in that hour-long line -- and the only two that did know about it came up with completely different objections.

But Guillermo did know that Nandor chose her through process of elimination. He did know that Nandor didn't particularly like being around her and regularly avoided her. He did know that Nandor was changing both him and Marwa in a desperate bid to make things work between them because neither one of them loved each other for who they actually were. He certainly knew everything that Marwa's mom said.

The fact that he clearly kind of agreed with Nadja's criticisms really just hammers home that Guillermo knows this is a bad idea. In his heart, he definitely knows this is a terrible idea. The fact that he never said anything about it being terrible is weird, because no one else had that compunction and Guillermo has always been the first one to say something. He's been fairly bullish about it, in fact.

Honestly, I could see him wanting it to work? But I don't think he thinks it actually will. I think it's a lot more likely that he's telling himself everything is fine so he doesn't have to contemplate what he's actually feeling. If everything is fine and he has no objections to Nandor's wedding, then he doesn't have to think about why he's actually so goddamn stressed out about all this. It lets him ignore the fact that he's really not planning to go anywhere anymore. Not really. He may tell himself that he is, but I think it's becoming increasingly obvious that he has no intention of leaving this household for good. He keeps finding excuses to stay exactly where he is even as he says he wants to go.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Denial.

#replies #nandermo tag #wwdits tag #wwdits s4 spoilers

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lizluzz · 2 years

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yo i really thought your post about nandor and consent was interesting, and (sorry if you've posted thoughts about it already) i was wondering what you feel about him now, after the events of season four? and how it might be different, why he would change from the way he was.

(this is in reference to this post, which was made after the end of season 3)

First, thank you so much for the ask! It's definitely been on my mind, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to tackle it (especially since there have been some fandom Drama over this issue and I'm only here to have a good time). But you gave me an excuse to talk about it, so I'll try.

My first instinct when I remembered my post was to think: welp, I was wrong. This happens when you post meta about a show that isn't finished yet, you're always at a risk of having your views contradicted in later episodes. And to some extent I was wrong. You can't watch this season and say that Nandor cares about consent full stop, that would require some impressive mental gymnastics.

But, when I reread my post, I remembered that my main point was that he cares about consent when it concerns people he cares about. And that hasn't really changed. He never used his wishes to influence Guillermo, or his housemates, even when he felt they were being difficult. The only people he used the wishes on were his wives. I know Marwa is the main issue, but... he literally sent all the others to their death under false pretenses! And for that matter, he obviously doesn't require the consent of people he eats. And Nandor never cared about Marwa as a person, that was stated very clearly in the show.

In my original post, I wrote that he understands, at least on some level, that you have to have consent to form a meaningful connection. And I believe that this season brought this to the surface on purpose, to slam this thing he probably already knew, deep down, in his face.

I think this is also another important step for his relationship with Guillermo: Guillermo spent about a decade doing mainly what Nandor wanted. It's only when he started being his own person, in my opinion, that Nandor started seeing him as a potential partner (even if he still doesn't acknowledge/understand this).

It's actually quite a good mirror: Nandor only started wanting and respecting "Marwa" after she literally became another person and stopped doing only what Nandor wanted. And I know that initially she was her own person, but I don't think Nandor ever thought about her like that. For him she was always just something of his, that he used for his own needs. Was it awful of him? Of course! He's always been extremely selfish and self absorbed. But it doesn't mean he doesn't care about consent when it comes to the people he actually cares about.

#wwdits #wwdits meta #sorry anon it got long #and also took me a few days to answer #but now that i started i have even more thoughts on the matter #hmm #should I write another meta?#lizluz

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grigori77 · 2 years

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Movies of 2022 - My Pre-Summer Rundown (Part 2)

The Top Ten:

10. THE 355 – my cinematic year kicked off in what I thought was thoroughly fine style with a rip-roaring, star-studded spy thriller which was clearly intended to start a franchise which I’d totally be up for since it’s everything I love to watch – hard-hitting, visceral action pinned to a genuinely compelling plot powered by a quintet of strong women who take on a patriarchal establishment and beat it at its own game. Clearly it wanted to shake-up the status quo and as far as I’m concerned it pulled it off in fine style … NO WONDER, then, that it’s been (largely) roundly reviled by critics and tanked at the box office, much as previous attempts for similar ends such as the intended Ghostbusters and Charlie’s Angels reboots did a few years back. I thought we’d gotten over this, guys! Come on … it’s a criminal shame, because this is SUCH great movie. Jessica Chastain heads the cast as tough-as-nails CIA operative “Mace” Browne, out for blood after a botched operation in Paris to acquire a potentially devastating piece of terrorist-tech results in the death of her partner and friend Nick Fowler (Sebastian Stan). Given a second chance at tracking down the device, things get complicated when a clandestine conspiracy is revealed and Mace is forced to team up with retired MI6 officer Khadijah Adiyeme (Lupita Nyong’o), rival German BND operative Marie Schmidt (Dianna Kruger), Colombian DNI analyst and psychologist Graciela Rivera (Penelope Cruz) and Chinese MSS agent Lin Mi Sheng (X-Men: Days of Future Past’s Fan Bingbing) to beat the bad guys and clear their names after they’re all framed as terrorists themselves. All five of the film’s badass leading ladies have been given impressively memorable and thoroughly well-written characters with plenty of potential for growth and character development not only throughout this film but in what now looks like an extremely unlikely franchise future (even Fan who, despite coming into the action quite late, immediately makes QUITE the impression and builds on that groundwork admirably throughout the latter half of the film); similarly, Stan once again proves what a mighty screen talent he is, while there’s an enjoyably reptilian turn from Jason Flemyng as the film’s Big Bad, international crime boss Elijah Clarke. While this was advertised as a relentlessly-paced, breakneck thrill ride, the action quota is actually somewhat more restrained here than on some of its more established peer franchises (like Bond and Mission: Impossible), but what IS on offer is, correctly, very much in service to the intelligently written story, and the film certainly doesn’t scrimp on the thrills when it DOES decide to get our adrenaline pumping, delivering some suitably robust set-pieces that punctuate rather than drive the agreeably pacy plot. Former X-Men writer Simon Kinberg acquits himself admirably here, but like his previous crack at directing it really is starting to look like Hollywood just has it out for him, since Dark Phoenix ALSO got a critical and release-debacle-based financial mauling it really DIDN’T deserve. This is a cracking spy thriller with a killer premise and exceptional cast of characters which deserves far more respect than it's received – altogether this is a film which needs a SERIOUS reappraisal. Give it a chance, guys, it REALLY needs it …

9. NIGHTMARE ALLEY – Guillermo del Toro is one of my favourite filmmakers of all time, and one of the things I love most about him is his innate understanding of the inherent truths about the cinematic monsters he frequently portrays in his works. Some of his most interesting thematic material comes when he examines the horrors that his NON-supernatural characters are capable of, but until now the only time he’s genuinely FOCUSED on inherently human monsters was in 2015’s Crimson Peak – sure, it had proper ghosts in it, but the actual threat was very much from the film’s living, breathing flesh-and-blood characters. His latest offering has embraced this principle to a far greater degree as he adapts William Lindsay Gresham’s none-more-dark novel about morally grey grifters and carnival sideshow charlatans in World War II America, Bradley Cooper delivering what might be a career best turn as voraciously ambitious and inherently talented con-artist Stan Carlisle, who rises through the ranks working the sideshow acts in a lowly travelling carnival before finally striking it big when he goes it alone in a one-man psychic act in Buffalo, New York, with the increasingly reluctant help of his disillusioned girlfriend Molly Cahill (Rooney Mara). When he comes to the attention of influential high-society psychologist Lilith Ritter (Cate Blanchett), she opens the door to a business opportunity which has the potential for MASSIVE financial rewards, but also a truly ruinous fall from grace if Carlisle doesn’t play it JUST RIGHT … del Toro’s always has some pretty palpable darkness in his movies, but he’s never tackled subject matter so genuinely jet black in its pitch before, the film wallowing in some seriously murky waters as we follow an already morally questionable protagonist as he digs down into the most thoroughly reprehensible depths of his own meagre soul, as well as the heart of an uncaring society as irredeemable corrupt as he’s in danger of becoming. This is NOT an easy film to watch, several times testing the resolve of even the strongest viewers, but the rewards on offer for sticking with it are vast – this is another gold-plated work of art from an immensely talented filmmaker at the very height of his game, and it deserves all of the Oscar buzz it got, even if it ultimately missed out on that coveted Best Picture gong (much as del Toro was snubbed for a directing nomination this time round). Cooper is a genuine revelation here, suitably seductive but still thoroughly slimy as an already shady guy who becomes progressively worse as his success grows, while Rooney’s definitely the only true bright light in the cast as the sweet innocent he takes for a ride who ultimately gets wise just a little too late; Willem Dafoe once again piles on the creepiness as suitably unpleasant geek show barker Clem, while Toni Collette and David Strathairn are both excellent as Zeena and Pete Krumbein, the fading psychic sideshow act that teach Carlisle his craft, and Del Toro’s The Shape of Water star Richard Jenkins is far more complex than he first seems as Ezra Grindle, the potentially lethal mark that he underestimates to such dangerous degrees. The REAL standout star of the film, however, is Blanchett, who captivates and repulses in equal measure as an ice-cold psychopath who deserves to go down as one of the all-time great femme fatales of cinema. This is DEFINITELY going to be the year’s darkest film, I don’t see ANYTHING unseating it from this dubious honour, but it’s also an immensely rewarding viewing experience, incredibly intelligent, breathlessly edgy and unbelievably tense from its creepy opening to its ruinous ending, and every inch as surprisingly seductive as its untrustworthy lead character, the truest film noir to come along in a very long time indeed …

8. AMBULANCE – Michael Bay’s cinematic output in the last ten years in particular has been very interesting. It’s like he’s going through phases as he’s trying to work out how he wants to go forward as his style “matures” – 2013’s Pain & Gain was, like all his previous output, big, loud and definitely flashy in the most indulgent way, but it also had something somewhat serious to say, given its origins as an (admittedly genuinely BONKERS) actual TRUE STORY. Then came the fourth Transformers film, Age of Extinction, widely regarded as THE VERY WORST of the bunch, and rightly so. But then he turned right round and did something COMPLETELY SERIOUS when he tackled a much less OTT but far more emotionally charged and potent true story in 13 Hours: the Secret Soldiers of Benghazi, which is a genuinely masterful piece of work which I personally regard as his VERY BEST FILM. Then he went and did ANOTHER Transformers movie with The Last Knight, which was more of the same – juvenile, disjointed in plot and narrative and pure over-the-top indulgence – and yet, somehow, it was just a little bit BETTER than much of what had come before all the same (actually getting close to the quality of his first, still BEST, instalment). Most recently he went to Netflix to create something which was clearly always INTENDED to be over-the-top and indulgent, but this time saw him actually getting it RIGHT, like he did on The Rock – 6 Underground, a thoroughly enjoyable action-packed escapist romp with Ryan Reynolds effortlessly holding court like he always does. Anyway … Bay’s latest feels like something else entirely, somehow managing to sit VERY comfortably in the middle ground – once again, it’s big, loud, flashy and DEFINITELY indulgent, but it’s also one of those rare things for a Michael Bay film, because it’s anything but dumb. Sure, it’s got a REALLY simple premise – veteran marine Will Sharp (Candyman and The Matrix Resurrections’ Yahya Abdul-Mateen II) and his dangerous livewire adoptive brother Danny (Jake Gyllenhaal), the sons of a notorious LA bank robber, pull off a spectacular high-stakes daylight heist but are then forced to hijack an ambulance and its inhabitants, skilled but jaded EMT Cam Thompson (From Dusk Till Dawn’s Eiza Gonzalez) and her patient Zach (Mrs Fletcher’s Jackson White), an LAPD patrolman wounded during the robbery, which leads to a crazy cat-and-mouse chase through the streets of Los Angeles – but there’s clearly some real intelligence behind the script. The plot is surprisingly smart despite it clichéd nature, the characters all impressively well-written and skilfully developed over the course of the film, and the twists are rewardingly effective when they come. Sure, Bay keeps throwing the camera around like a lunatic, sometimes chucking in some genuine vertigo-inducing drone shots PURELY because he can, I think, but this time it just seems to ramp up the excitement factor as he does one of the few things he’s always really excelled at – crafting properly BLINDING action sequences – over and over again. Certainly the second unit and stunt teams really earned the big bucks on this one, every car crash, crazy jump and desperate manoeuvre executed with astonishing precision made all the more impressive because it’s immediately obvious that there’s NO CGI AT ALL being used to pull any of this stuff off. Refreshingly, though, Bay doesn’t scrimp on the character work at all here, screenwriter Chris Fedak’s impressive work doing a lot of the heavy-lifting so the uniformly excellent cast can just concentrate on BEING their characters for 2+ hours – Gyllenhaal is a ferocious, tightly-wound force of nature who’s both antihero and antagonist throughout the film, while Abdul-Mateen II is, as usual, electric in every second of his screen time, investing Will with wounded intensity and conflicted complexity as a desperate everyman stuck in this impossible situation because he’s just trying to help his family, and Gonzalez holds her own against these two craft-MASTERS with incredible skill and determination as a world-weary, disillusioned blue collar worker who finally rediscovers the passion she once had for her work under the most extreme circumstances; Garret Dillahunt (Fear the Walking Dead) and Keir O’Donnell (American Sniper), meanwhile, both shine as a winningly spiky odd-couple as LAPD SIS Captain Monroe and FBI special Agent Anson Clark, the polar-opposite cops thrust together in the race to hunt the Sharp Brothers down, and The Walking Dead’s Olivia Stambouliah frequently steals entire scenes with a single withering putdown or quirky aside as LAPD surveillance wizard Lieutenant Dhazghig. Sure, this ain’t a perfect movie, Bay still not FULLY jettisoning his off-the-wall and rather off-colour sense of humour, which still surfaces in a few scenes, and it’s still VERY overblown, but these are small quibbles when a film is THIS enjoyable, visually impressive, pulse-pumping exciting and truly unforgettable. Definitely leaning into the camp of Bay’s more worthy films, this is another cracker that once again proves he’s a director who really can DELIVER when he actually TRIES.

7. THE CURSED – some of my favourite horror movies are films that snuck in under the radar to become cult hits, or simply stuck to the shadows to become secret weapons of the genre, uncut gems known to a lucky few who always recommend them to likeminded genre fans when they get the chance. This immensely impressive indie horror from writer-director Sean Ellis (The Broken, Anthropoid) is another great example of this particular phenomenon, and I’m sure it’s destined for some small cult status somewhere down the line. The plot is … STRANGE, but in a very good way, and there’s a lot here that I really shouldn’t give away because it’s better to let you just ease in and discover it on your own - suffice to say, this is an intriguingly offbeat take on the classic werewolf trope, set in late 19th Century France (albeit with a mysterious coda set during World War I’s Battle of the Somme) but shot in England with a largely British cast and thoroughly OOZING with a genuinely palpable doom-laden atmosphere of pregnant dread teeming with hazy mists and overcast skies. Narcos’ Boyd Holbrook pulls off a surprisingly decent English accent as he smoulders with restrained, broody intensity as John McBride, a haunted pathologist who goes to an isolated French village to investigate a succession of animalistic killings which may be the result of a curse laid upon the community after the brutal eradication of a group of Roma travellers some years before. There are allusions made to the legendary Beast of Gevaudan throughout, which formed the inspiration for the enjoyably oddball cult classic Brotherhood of the Wolf, but this is a very different breed of horror cinema – moody, understated and deliberately slowburn, parcelling out its scares and impressively visceral violence with cool restraint throughout while building to a feverish climax that brilliantly pays off the groundwork meticulously laid through its two hours, while the inventive use of some very icky physical effects has crafted something pretty unique to this particular sub-genre. Holdbrook makes for a tragically fallible hero here, while Kelly Reilly brings restrained, wounded classiness to the film as Isabelle, the wife of complicated, brutish landowner Seamus Laurent (a restrained but potent turn from Rogue One’s Alistair Petrie), whose pig-headed short-sightedness seems to have doomed his community, and Amelia Crouch (Kate, The Last Dragonslayer) thoroughly impresses as the Laurents’ daughter Charlotte, whose younger brother Edward (Rocketman’s Max Mackintosh) was the first bitten and therefore first cursed. Ellis has crafted a magnificently subtle masterpiece of the genre, playing an understated long game that pays off magnificently, and what resulted is one of the best indie horror movies I’ve come across in years. I look forward to whatever he does next.

6. THE TRAGEDY OF MACBETH – this adaptation of one of my very favourite William Shakespeare plays is a particularly notable milestone in cinematic history, because for the very first time, writer-director Joel Coen has made a feature film without his ubiquitous filmmaker brother Ethan having anything to do with the project. That being said, Joel’s always been such a dominant force on the DIRECTING side of the Coen Brother’s output that, if you didn’t know this, you’d never know Ethan was absent on this one, because it’s still EVERY INCH a Coen film. It’s also Denzel Washington’s first time working for either Brother, but he’s SO magnificent as one of the greatest fictional villains OF ALL TIME that you won’t have any idea WHY they never worked together before. He’s absolutely MESMERISING as Macbeth, the doom-courting Thane of Cawdor, who decides to murder his way to the throne of Medieval Scotland after receiving a very tempting prophecy from a trio of creepy-ass witches right after a decisive battle sees him get one hell of a royal promotion – Washington sizzles and sears in every scene, whether he’s smouldering with pregnant understated menace or exploding with un-righteous fury as Macbeth is haunted by gruesome ghosts or egged on by his scheming, ambitious wife. Coen-regular Frances McDormand matches him in every scene as the DEFINITIVE Lady Macbeth, particular as she crumbles spectacularly once the guilt of what they’ve done starts to weigh her down; Brendan Gleeson is typically grand yet cuddly as ineffectual ill-fated King Duncan, while Harry Potter star Harry Melling continues to prove that he's grown up into a truly DYNAMITE star-in-the-making as his untested but prematurely put-upon son Malcolm, The Boys’ Alex Hassell is obsequious but complex as duplicitous young nobleman Ross, and Straight Outta Compton’s Corey Hawkins makes for a suitably strapping and dynamic Macduff (ALWAYS my favourite character in the play and EVERY adaptation). Joel Coen has once again dropped a blinder on us, solo-effort or not, making Sakespeare’s text breathe in fresh and interesting ways while he weaves a beautifully bleak and haunted visual spell, unleashing compositions on us that recall the subtly unsettling weird mundanity of American Gothic art or the surreality of German expressionist cinema, especially in the film’s very unusual interpretation of the supernatural, as well as framing the story’s bloody and decidedly non-glamorous violence with an almost clinical detachment which perfectly complements the gorgeously stylised world he’s built, all of it topped off with an unsettlingly lowkey atmospheric score from regular Coen collaborator Carter Burwell. Thoroughly deserving all the immense acclaim it’s had heaped upon it, this has definitely proven to be one of the year’s early surprises and one of its most downright exquisite works of art (so far). Most important of all, though, Joel’s taken what’s always been a definitive Shakespearean villain and turned him into one of the all-time GREAT Coen protagonists ...

5. BELFAST – Kenneth Brannagh’s an interesting duck. As an actor, I love his work, he’s consistently impressed me over the years, blowing me away with some truly spectacular performances, whether in his favoured territory (essaying Shakespeare) or doing something fun and different (such as The Road to El Dorado), or even just providing some solid support to other stars in a smaller role (Dunkirk instantly springs to mind); as a director, on the other hand … yeah, the results have been mixed at best. For every masterpiece like Henry V, Much Ado About Nothing, Thor or Murder On the Orient Express, he’s also brought us dreck like Dead Again, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein or (gods help us) Artemis Fowl, and a fair amount in the middle ground that’s either kinda meh or actually not too bad if you just go with it (Hamlet, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit and Peter’s Friends are certainly ones I actually kinda liked). Approaching a new release, therefore, is always a trepidatious business, you never know what you’re gonna get … so you can probably imagine my surprise when his OTHER latest offering (JUST preceding the aforementioned Death On the Nile) ACTUALLY turned out to be the very best feature I’ve ever seen from him. Then again, this is BY FAR his most personal film to date, Brannagh going RIGHT back to his roots with a semi-autobiographical story which is HEAVILY based on his own personal experiences as a boy growing up in the titular city in Ireland at the height of the Troubles, specifically during the August Riots of 1969. The film is told largely from the point of view of nine year-old Buddy (newcomer Jude Hill), the younger son of a small working class family living on a mixed denomination street, who find themselves in the middle of a powder-keg when anti-Catholic resentment starts to boil over in their neighbourhood. His dreamer “Pa” (Jamie Dornan) is looking at the possibility of a brighter future for him and his family if they move abroad to greener pastures, but forceful and pragmatic “Ma” (The Beauty Inside and Ford V Ferrari’s Catriona Balfe) just wants to stay put, and both are forced to make hard choices that directly affect the family’s future as the Troubles start to impact their lives as a whole. Dornan and Balfe are both exceptional throughout, Balfe in particularly shouldering a lot of the film’s heavy lifting with spectacular skill and undeniable talent, while Dame Judi Dench and Ciaran Hinds warm our cockles and pluck at our heartstrings in equal measure as Buddy’s grandparents, two people who are clearly still deeply in love even in the twilight of their time together, and Merlin’s Colin Morgan brings a charged menace to proceedings as the film’s nominal villain, Billy Clanton, an up-and-comer in the local sectarian movement who wants Pa to join The Cause. Buddy’s the undeniable beating heart of the film, though, Hill instantly showing he’s gonna be a star in the future as he essentially brings a young Brannagh to life, a deeply imaginative boy who loves movies and science fiction (especially Star Trek) but is struggling to find his place in the world and what’s going on around him. The director shows as much skill with his writing as he does behind the camera, weaving a compellingly rich tapestry out of a deceptively simple storyline and bringing some genuinely palpable, fully realised characters to vital breathing life (although I guess he had STRONG inspiration to draw from), as well as paying frequent, loving respect to all the massive influences he’s drawn from over the years, from the films he grew up with (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and One Million Years BC among others) to the music his parents taught him to love. The resulting film is a powerful and rewarding viewing experience, a clear labour of love which is equal parts dramatic, moving, heart-breaking, warmly funny and deeply inspiring. Brannagh wins our hearts by wearing his on his sleeve.

4. KIMI – we were already getting movies about the COVID outbreak and the resulting chaos that the Pandemic’s wrought upon us around the world as early as late 2020, but for the most part it’s largely been small, under-the-radar indie stuff. Now we’re starting to get BIG stuff, and the latest from Steven Soderbergh is one of the most impressive offerings I’ve seen to date. Written by thriller cinema extraordinaire David Koepp (Carlito’s Way, Panic Room, Stir of Echoes), this is a spectacularly taut and blissfully streamlined suspense thriller that not only brings the impact of the Pandemic into sharp perspective, but also our growing overreliance on smart device technology and social media – altogether then, fertile ground for a socially-conscious filmmaker like Soderbergh, who essentially PREDICTED all the shit COVID just put us through with 2011’s terrifyingly prescient outbreak-thriller Contagion. The Kimi of the title is the latest creation of the film’s fictional tech conglomerate Amygdala and its visionary CEO Bradley Hasling (Derek DelGaudio), an all-encompassing smart speaker which revolutionises the technology by taking the potentially controversial step of having live human moderators overseeing its operation instead of AI in order to cut down on potential voice recognition-based cock-ups. The film’s main narrative focuses on one of these moderators, Angela Childs (Zoe Kravitz), whose long-standing social anxiety and agoraphobia have been immensely exacerbated by lockdown to the detriment of many aspects of her life. Then one day, a routine review of some of her daily moderations uncovers something deeply disturbing – what sounds to her VERY MUCH like a break-in and the murder of a Kimi owner. Under pressure from Amygdala to bury the information but driven by her own conscience and personal trauma from a similar incident, Angela decides to take matters into her own hands instead … this might be the best performance I’ve EVER seen Kravitz deliver (which is definitely saying something when we just saw her PERFECTLY embody one of my favourite comic book characters of all time), as she invests Angela with twitchy awkwardness but also fierce, unshakeable determination when faced with truly insurmountable obstacles, creating one of the most refreshingly compelling and resourceful lead protagonists I’ve come across in cinema so far this year, and since big chunks of the film are a one-woman show with many of her interactions with other characters playing out through phones and computer screens, this means she largely DOMINATES the film. That’s not to say there aren’t other great performances in this – DelGaudio does a lot with quite a small part, while there are excellent turns from Byron Bowers (The Chi, Honey Boy) as Angela’s occasional casual friend-with-benefits, Terry, who wants to become something more to her, Devin Ratray (Blue Ruin, The Tick) as Kevin, a fellow shut-in neighbour, and Rita Wilson (Runaway Bride, The Good Wife) as Natalie Chowdury, an executive with Amygdala to whom Angela attempts to blow the whistle on her findings. Soderberg and Koepp have crafted a spectacularly suspenseful thriller which expertly ratchets up the atmospheric dread of Angela’s situation from the slowburn scene-setting start to the fraught and harrowing climax, the film’s determination to keep its focus squarely on Angela meaning that we’re right there in the thick of it with her throughout all her anxiety, paranoia, terror and downright feral fight for life. The end result’s one of the best films either Soderbergh OR Koepp have delivered in a good while, and definitely the year’s top big screen thriller (so far, anyway). Not bad for something which was inspired by and executed entirely in the midst of COVID.

3. TURNING RED – Disney/Pixar’s latest offering is also one of the most deeply personal films they’ve ever produced, with writer-director Domee Shi (who made the spell-binding and evocative Pixar short Bao) making a hell of a splash as the first woman EVER to land a solo direction credit on a Pixar feature with what’s essentially a fictionalised account of her own experiences as a teenage girl growing up in Toronto, Canada. The result is a film which feels far more emotionally truthful and infinitely resonant that ANYTHING I’ve ever seen EITHER studio deliver before, perfectly encapsulating what it must have felt like to be a 13-year-old girl in 2002 (while I am mostly of the other gender, I too was once 13 and VERY unsure of myself, so I remember only too well how unbearably hard, hectic and downright UNWIELDY that part of my life could feel at times). The 13 year-old girl in question here is Mei Lee (a DEEPLY affecting performance from newcomer Rosalie Chiang), the only child of a Chinese couple in Toronto who run their family’s temple, which is dedicated to their ancestor Sun Yee, a powerful sorceress who once harnessed the spiritual power of the red panda in order to protect her daughters. For much of her life Mei has put her own personal feelings on hold to be everything her overbearing mother Ming (Sandra Oh, once again putting in a palpable turn full of deep heart, soul and frequent observational comic GOLD) wants her to become, and she’s become a straight-A student because of it, but as she starts to grow up she’s discovering there’s more to life than just good grades. Specifically 4*Town, a five-man boyband (yeah, I know) that Mei and her three girlfriends – confident tomboy Miriam (newcomer Ava Morse), stoic and deadpan Priya (Never Have I Ever’s Maitreyi Ramakrishnan) and diminutively hyperactive bundle of barely-contained-malevolent-energy Abby (newcomer Hyein Park) are thoroughly obsessed with, who the quartet discover are coming to play a concert in Toronto … JUST as something awakens in Mei, and she suddenly finds herself stricken by a deeply strange supernatural affliction – specifically, whenever her emotions run out of control, she turns into a giant red panda. She’s told that her family can perform a ritual to help her remove the panda spirit (which turns out to be on THE SAME NIGHT as 4*Town’s performance), but in the meantime she must learn to control and restrain the panda or it’ll be that much harder to exorcise. But as the concert approaches, Mei and her friends hit upon a unique solution to help them earn the money for four tickets in time, which utilises the panda’s runaway cute factor and makes Mei realise that maybe she doesn’t actually WANT to get rid of this part of herself … there are definitely a lot of interpretations that can be derived from the phenomenon at the heart of the story, but whether it’s about teenage girls first learning to come to terms with a certain feminine bodily function or not, this is THE most powerful and, if I’m honest, downright ENTERTAINING film about growing up as a teenage girl I’ve EVER experienced, a GOOD DEAL better than all those sometimes genuinely vomit-worthy teen comedies and dramas I’ve found largely preferable to avoid over the years. Of course it definitely helps that ALL the characters are SO well realised, beautifully derived from what are, clearly, Shi’s own friends, family and personal experiences when she was going through (most) of what we’re witnessing here – Mei and her friends are THOROUGHLY lovable (not least Abby, who became one of my VERY FAVOURITE characters of THIS ENTIRE YEAR within a few minutes of us first meeting her), while Ming is the perfect embodiment of helicopter mums the world over, but in particular that specific kind of Asian mother who seems determined that their only child will grow up be something truly exceptional to the exclusion of ALL ELSE, and as a result she’s very nearly the actual VILLAIN of the film but at the same time has clear, strong redeeming features which make us feel very deeply for her. Shi and co-writer, playwright Julia Cho, have crafted a deeply affecting but also frequently riotously comical, thoroughly chaotic piece of work, injecting plenty of joyful mirth and madness into proceedings to compliment the massive amounts of heart and emotion on display, and the gloriously designed, beautifully realised early Noughties Toronto setting has been lovingly captured through Pixar’s typically rich and lively animation. Sweet, spicy and perfectly evocative of its subject matter, this is WITHOUT A DOUBT one of the two studios’ finest collaborations to date. Simply wonderful.

2. THE NORTHMAN – over the last few years, writer-director Robert Eggers has been getting under our skins to magnificently unpleasant effect through his subtly unsettling arthouse horrors, The Witch and The Lighthouse. When we heard he had another movie in the works we started preparing ourselves for another skin-crawling mind-troubler of a horror movie, but he’s taken an intriguing leftfield swerve and really surprised us with his third feature, a dark, edgy and subtly fantastical retelling of the legend of Amleth, the Viking prince who became the inspiration for Shakespeare’s Hamlet. As a boy (played by impressive newcomer Oscar Novak), Amleth witnesses the murder of his father, King Aurvandill (Ethan Hawke), at the hands of his uncle Fjölnir (The Square and Dracula’s Claes Bang), who then usurps the throne intended for Amleth and with it his mother, Queen Gudrun (Nicole Kidman). Amleth flees, swearing to avenge his father, kill his uncle and save his mother, but when we next encounter him many years later (now played by Alexander Skarsgaard), a berserker raiding the lands of the Rus, it’s an oath he seems to have largely forgotten, at least until a chance meeting with a mysterious seeress (Bjork) reminds him in Eggers’ typically unnerving fashion. Suitably inspired, Amleth disguises himself as a slave and secretes himself amongst a party destined to be shipped to the Icelandic land of Fjolnir’s underwhelming exile, where he now rules over a far less impressive kingdom than he once intended. Through canny strategy and subtle magical assistance, Amleth begins to torment his uncle as he tightens to screws in the build-up to his vengeance, but as he draws closer to his goal it begins to become clear to him that things may not actually be that simple … this is a singularly stunning feature which PERFECTLY encapsulates everything that’s so great about Eggers’ filmmaking style while also effectively repackaging it as something completely fresh and new to what he’s brought us before as he takes all the tricks he so keenly fashioned through his previous horror ventures and sets to them to ruthlessly efficient and thoroughly fiendish effect in what is surely destined to become known as the greatest Viking movie of all time, or at least the most interesting. Skarsgaard is SPECTACULAR here, by turns understated and downright FEROCIOUS depending on the needs of the story and Amleth’s own personal plot, but he also crafts a character who’s far more complex that just a spiteful, vengeful warrior out for blood; Anya Taylor-Joy (The Witch), meanwhile, brings subtly fierce feistiness to proceedings as Olga of the Birch Forest, the enslaved Slavic witch that Amleth forms a conspiratorial bond (and eventually more) with in his quest, Bang and Kidman both skilfully subvert expectations of their characters as the story progresses, and both Hawke and The Lighthouse’s Willem Dafoe deliver brief but potent performances in their early scenes which sear great impressions on us that resonate throughout the rest of the film. As with his previous films, this is as much about mood, atmosphere and some truly jaw-dropping visuals as it is about its dark and twisting labyrinthine central plot, but this is still BY FAR Eggers’ most refreshingly coherent and linear film, even if there are times when it seems to turn into some kind of strange (but admittedly deeply compelling) cinematic fever dream, and the characters are all impressively well-developed and three-dimensional, quickly making us root for or hate them according to requirements before the ingeniously crafty script sometimes turns things on their head to frame them in a new and startlingly different light. This is as powerful, inventive and downright DOOM-LADEN as we would ever have expected from Eggers, but also definitely THE BEST film he’s brought us so far, and as he goes on this is going to be a really tough one to beat …

1. THE BATMAN – another year, another Batman movie, it would seem. But this one … somehow, this one feels a little different, a little special. Frankly, THAT is actually something of an understatement … yeah, basically, Dawn of/War For the Planet of the Apes writer-director Matt Reeves’ long-gestating (and certainly long-awaited) reboot of DC’s flagship superhero franchise (originally intended to be part of the increasingly problematic DCEU canon but now, thankfully, cut loose so it can be its own thing) has actually turned out to be THE VERY BEST Batman movie outside of 2008’s simply DEFINITIVE The Dark Knight. Perhaps this take’s most notable (not to mention most controversial) choice was in the casting of its Bruce Wayne/Batman – Robert Pattinson, the admittedly precocious young wunderkind who’s been working VERY HARD INDEED to distance himself from the godawful memory of Edward Cullen but still hadn’t quite managed to fully evacuate the stink of his tenure on Twilight … until now, at least. Turns out, he’s PERFECT for the role, especially in THIS version – this incarnation is JUST starting out, still finding his way as he tries to become the Dark Knight Defender that the nightmarish, corrupt, deeply FUCKED UP city of Gotham desperately needs to rescue it from its inexorable slow descent into criminal hell. This Batman is still very fallible, still learning his craft, and the police don’t trust him yet, they’re openly hostile and always right on the verge of turning on him as he tries to insert himself into investigations with only one man on his side – Gotham City Police lieutenant Jim Gordon (Jeffrey Wright), perhaps the one good man in a genuinely rotten police force, who’s as determined as his mysterious vigilante “friend” to save his city. Certainly they’re all Gotham’s got as a brutal murder kicks off a fiendishly Machiavellian game of homicidal cat-and-mouse as newly emerged villain The Riddler (Paul Dano) begins to dig up a twisted web of lies and conspiracies that’s long held the city in the grip of criminal purgatory, spurring the fledgling Batman into a desperate investigation which inexorably leads him to dark and troubling revelations which hit uncomfortably close to home as some truly terrible long-buried truths are finally uncovered. Matt Reeves and co-writer Peter Craig (The Town, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Top Gun: Maverick) have delivered a screenplay which not only makes this one of the best written superhero movies ever, but just a downright masterpiece of a film, PERIOD, but Reeves’ simply AWESOME direction deserves just as much praise here because every scene has been crafted to flawless precision and shot with an uncommonly artful eye too (certainly cinematographer Greg Fraser, known for the likes of Zero Dark Thirty, Rogue One and Dune, deserves a big dollop of the credit too). The cast are uniformly phenomenal too – there are FAR too many blazing bright star turns in this to name, but the standouts include Wright himself, noble, steadfast and forthright as the most honest cop in Gotham, John Turturro as a surprisingly seductive mobster kingpin in the role of Carmine Falcone, Peter Sarsgaard as Gotham’s enjoyably sleezy and hopelessly corrupt district attorney Gil Colson, Colin Farrell, COMPLETELY unrecognisable and therefore able to just ACT HIS SOCKS OFF as the very best and DEFINITELY most faithful take on Oswald Copplepot/the Penguin we’ve had to date, a low-down, brutal thug with delusions of grandeur, and of course Reeves-regular Andy Serkis, taking Bruce Wayne’s faithful manservant Alfred Pennyworth in an intriguing new direction as a former soldier and reserved man of action in his own right, while Paul Dano’s clearly having the time of his life as the Riddler (I also fully applaud the way they’ve fully embraced the alternative take on the character from the Hush run of the Batman comics, which finally gives this villain REAL TEETH), playing things subtle and close to the chest in his earlier appearances before he’s finally unmasked and allowed to fully unleash in typical showstopping style. The film truly belongs, however, to our new Batman and Catwoman – Pattinson largely plays the role in quite an understated way, but it’s a performance BRIMMING with deep nuance and subtle layers, perfectly pitched to highlight this Bruce Wayne’s somewhat isolated upbringing and deep-seated underlying trauma, which manifests in his suitably awkward public image, while when he’s in the suit (which is, of course, how he spends the majority of the film) he’s quietly menacing and thoroughly ODD in the best way possible; Zoe Kravitz, on the other hand, is PERFECTLY cast as Selina Kyle, investing my very favourite comic book antihero with just the right mix of sultry, sexy fire and sass and a ferocious determination to never be owned by ANYONE, and even LOOKS perfect with her spot-on short hair, sharp claw-like nails and genuinely preternatural feline grace (yeah, I thought Anne Hathaway was fantastic and pretty definitive in The Dark Knight Rises, but Zoe has thoroughly trumped her in this). Altogether this is an essentially perfect package that effortlessly brings the Dark Knight and his hellish Gotham City to life just as effectively as Christopher Nolan did in his seminal trilogy – the design-work is on-point throughout, the action sequences are phenomenal (that insanely awesome car chase in the rain may well be this year’s best set-piece, although there’s also an incredible fight scene, lit ONLY with machine-gun muzzle flashes, which comes impressively close), the plot twists and turns like few others I’ve seen, dropping some genuinely AMAZING rug-pulls that I TRULY did not see coming, and Michael Giacchino’s incendiary score is a MASTERCLASS in low-key dramatic brilliance. Most importantly, though, this is the first Batman film that genuinely gets the psychology of its central character COMPLETELY RIGHT, and I truly look forward to seeing what Reeves, Craig, Pattinson and all the rest do with the already greenlit sequel when it comes (hopefully it won’t take anywhere near as long as this one did to finally reach our screens). If it’s anywhere NEAR as good as this it'll be GOLD …

#movies 2022 #the 355 #nightmare alley #ambulance #ambulance movie #the cursed #the cursed movie #the cursed 2021 #the cursed 2022 #the tragedy of macbeth #belfast #belfast movie #kimi #kimi movie #turning red #the northman #the batman #the batman 2022

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maxwell-grant · 3 years

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One thing I would dearly love to see is an episode of WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS (TV) where Nandor is absolutely heartbroken that his Ancient Enemy Count Dracula really WAS murdered by "Victorian train nerds!" ("Now I NEVER kill him myself") - where Nadja cusses out the late Prince of Darkness (and Lazlo therefore does his Best to pretend "Old Drac" was NOT his sometime drinking buddy) - and Vlad pops up for just long enough to describe Count Dracula as "That ****ing fanboy who stole my act!"

I can hear "Now I NEVER keel him myself" so clearly in Nandor's complaining voice, this one got a real laugh out of me, well done anon.

Considering Van Helsing canonically exists in this world as Guillermo's ancestor I think it could be very funny to have at least a scene where we go a bit into the varied reactions amidst the vampire community to Dracula.

Vlad in particular is pissed because he's actually from Romania and knew the real Vlad the Impaler and knows Dracula ripped him off but he can't prove it. He states on camera that, much like the rest of Romania, he hates Dracula for tainting the image of a local hero, and it is Cultural Appropriation on top of being Plagiarism since Vladislav came first. Cue Viago chiming in his own segment that Vladislav has, at various points, both claimed to be Vlad the Impaler at parties as well as talked shit about him to other vampires, and he chastisizes Vladislav for being a hypocrite.

Which he is also himself, because Viago doesn't really care about Dracula either but he changes his opinion on the subject depending on who he's talking to, since he doesn't want to start an argument. Personally he finds him brutish and uncouth and messy and "a real bad influence on the community" and he's glad that Dracula's dead so he doesn't try to lord over vampires anymore. He does steal a couple fashion tips from some portrayals though.

Deacon makes a big show of talking about how old and lame creepy old Drac was compared to actually sexy and cool vampires, like him. He's the only one of the movie trio who never actually met Dracula, he regards Dracula more like an old movie actor that the other two have some personal gripes than a real person. He's partially right because Bela Lugosi was a vampire in this universe and the head of the vampire council for a while.

Stu still isn't sure whether or not Dracula was real and he thinks the guys are just screwing with him on this one. And nobody cares what Nick thinks.

Colin Robinson of course has a whole spiel ready about how most adaptations of Dracula are actually totally inaccurate to the novel and actually it's take on vampires are totally innacurate and in reality the novel was about this and that, and everyone immediately tells him to shut up because he's obviously being pedantic and obnoxious on purpose again just so he can suck out energy, and he admits it, he really doesn't give a shit about Dracula, he's never read the book, he's just got a whole bunch of facts about it memorized to annoy people.

Guillermo obviously has already read the book and seen the movies and has passionate opinions on them, but nowadays he adamantly refuses to touch the book or any of the adaptations. He already knows all the ways to kill a vampire anyway, and he doesn't want to get any ideas he may execute by accident, he figures the less he knows about his ancestry the better.

Nadja largely hates Dracula because he was a huge misogynist and, more offensive to her personally, he also inspired legions of vampires trying to imitate his mannerisms and it makes for really, really boring and obnoxious behavior, especially when they try to come on to her at parties thinking a half-baked Bela Lugosi impression is funny or charming like she hasn't sat through a million Sesame Street Counts in her lifetime and weirdos thinking this is somehow a sexy thing to do as foreplay when it's such a turn-off, and because it's Nadja and she has the temper of a firecracker, she has a whole rant locked and loaded about how much she detests Dracula and his stupid fanboys and of course Lazlo chimes in to support mah darling in her opinions-

Even though he got real chummy with Dracula back in his Jack the Ripper days (sure, they were just "drinking buddies") and he's the one who spilled all those vampire secrets to Bram Stoker to write the story about, and he's secretly been earning Dracula royalties under the name Jack E. Stoker ever since, but he's not telling anyone.

#replies tag #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #headcanons #jemaine clement #taika waititi #fx #nandor #nandor the relentless #lazlo #nadja of antipaxos #colin robinson #vladislav #viago wwdits #deacon #guillermo de la cruz

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insanityclause · 3 years

Text

Loki sees the return of the titular fan-favorite MCU character, and it's a reminder as to just how damn charming Tom Hiddleston can be. Hiddleston may be best known as Thor’s contemporaneous younger brother, but let's talk about how his full range as an actor was best displayed in the underappreciated 2016 miniseries, The Night Manager. The six-part John le Carre adaptation from writer David Farr and director Susanne Bier cast Hiddleston as Jonathan Pine, a veteran working as the late-night host of a luxury resort in Egypt who gets recruited into ab undercover operation by British Intelligence. The idea of Hiddleston playing an everyman felt like a novelty at the time, but over the series' six hours he delivered his most emotionally grounded and understated performance to date.

John le Carre adaptations are often complex, incorporating hyper-realistic political intrigue with frequent betrayals and double-crosses, and many of the best have entered their interconnected storylines through the perspective of a common man. Hiddleston excels at showing how overwhelmed Pine becomes with the dangerous world he falls into. Because of his job as a night manager, the character is expected to bring a certain charisma energy to all his interactions. Hiddleston brilliantly shows the cracks in that performative magnetism during his first encounter with the renowned arms dealer Richard Roper (Hugh Laurie), who stuns Pine by bringing his villainous gang to the Cairo hotel.

Pine is able to gain Roper’s trust, as his experience in the Iraq War prepared him for life or death scenarios. Pine’s expertise at de-escalating a dangerous situation is previewed within the second episode, in which he saves Roper’s young son Daniel (Noah Jupe) during a business dinner. His wartime history isn’t Pine’s only characteristic, but it’s an integral part of the role that he brings nuance to without overtly expository passages. In fact, it’s his first-hand experience seeing the devastation of chemical weapons in Iraq that gives Pine the motivation to first engage in the scheme to take down Roper. It's also what gives Hiddleston such a layered role. It’s interesting to see Pine incorporate his experience as a soldier within the crafted backstory he must present to Roper; he’s certainly no stranger to violence, but the persona he must adopt requires Pine to pretend to have a criminal background, something that’s far removed from his ordinary professionalism. If Loki’s performative quality leaned into theatricality, Hiddleston has to portray a much different type of deception here. Watching Pine’s illusion crack as Roper's suspicions grow provides the central tension of the series.

The Night Manager is also a more action-centric role than Hiddleston had done before; Loki often utilized minions and amusing shenanigans to avoid actual fights, but here Hiddleston shows an impressive physicality that is dynamic within the action sequences. It’s not a surprise thatThe Night Manager landed Hiddleston's name as a potential candidate to play James Bond, as his introductory scene within the hectic gunfire of the Egyptian Revolution bears a resemblance to Daniel Craig’s iconic crane fight in Casino Royale.

But It’s not just the relentless action that inspired Hiddelston’s proposed candidacy for 007. The Night Manager is also a sleek romance. Pine and Roper’s girlfriend Jed (Elizabeth Debicki) begin to fall for each other during his prolonged operation, and Pine must show his affection for her while making sure he doesn’t reveal any critical information that could endanger the mission. Hiddleston certainly proved that he can bring pathos to a tender romance in 2013's Only Lovers Left Alive, but here he’s able to blend intimacy within the web of le Carre’s interconnected narrative.

It’s also interesting to see Hiddleston play opposite Laurie, whose villainous turn as Roper is everything you would want from a spy series antagonist. Hiddleston is used to being the scene-stealer (Loki never fails to get the last word in), but he has to show some restraint here when Roper unleashes his brutality. Roper’s exhaustive cruelty is perhaps the only aspect of The Night Manager that risks breaking the line of believability, and in a subversion of his normal roles, Hiddleston is the one reigning things back in.

It's a wonderfully understated role that's only more fascinating next to the rest of Hiddleston's filmography. Although the MCU has certainly improved on its villains recently, Loki was really the only compelling antagonist of the first two phases. Not only was Loki the rare bad guy whose motivation and backstory were just as compelling as his archnemesis (and perhaps even more so), Hiddleston brought a signature personality to the role that was sorely lacking among the bland CGI manifestations. Ten years after the first Thor film, Loki has become one of the most fleshed-out characters in the entire franchise; when it was first indicated that supporting characters would begin receiving spinoffs, a Loki series was an automatic suggestion. Hiddleston has leveraged his Marvel celebrity well, choosing to spotlight more experimental genre films from maverick auteurs in his time between MCU installments, including Guillermo del Toro’s Crimson Peak, Ben Wheatley’s High Rise, and Joanna Hogg’s Exhibition.

That’s a pretty diverse selection of genres and filmmakers, but for the most part, Hiddleston's performances have leaned into eccentricity and villainous charisma. A few of Hiddleston's attempts at shedding his inherent idiosyncrasies in favor of more streamlined leading roles have landed with a thud. The 2015 Hank Williams biopic I Saw The Light was met with a tepid response and immediately forgotten within the awards season cycle, and he was unfortunately saddled with an unbelievably bland role in the Monsterverse installment Kong: Skull Island that was overshadowed by more entertaining co-stars like John C. Reilly and Samuel L. Jackson.

The Night Manager demonstrated Hiddleston is more than capable of a well-rounded lead performance, both understated and bold in equal measure. Anyone who caught the le Carre adaptation already knew Hiddleston has what it takes to lead a series; not all Marvel side-characters can carry six hours of storytelling, but Hiddleston has already proven himself up to the task once. It’s unlikely that Loki will be the last time Hiddleston appears in the Marvel franchise, but I hope it launches him into something in the same vein as The Night Manager. (Here's to hoping his upcoming role in the Apple TV+ drama The Essex Serpent has the same depth.) Hiddleston is clearly a great actor who brings unique qualities to his parts, but The Night Manager is the only one that allowed him to show all of them at the same time.

#Tom Hiddleston #here's hoping #he deserves better

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twh-news · 3 years

Text

[Most. Understated. Role. Pine???? Hey Collider, maybe we have watched a whole different show? This is clearly an opinion piece, so take it with a pinch of salt.]

#the night manager #tom hiddleston #article #collider #opinion piece

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alovesongshewrote · 4 years

Note

For the requests, can you do Douxie x reader where the reader gets a job at the bookshop and conveniently forgets their sweater at work so Douxie has to lend them his hoodie 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Sweater | Hisirdoux Casperan x Reader

Plot: haha, sweater go brrrrrrrrr

Word Count: 1,946

Warnings: Folding chairs and spiders

A/N: Idk what this is, but i hope you enjoy it

Tag List: @furblrwurblr

You had always wanted to work at a bookstore.

Ever since you were an angsty twelve-year-old who only found solace in books, it had been your dream to work amongst the written word. Too bad Chapters had shitty hours.

That didn’t matter now, though. GDT Arcane Books had excellent hours, a positive work environment, and the nicest couches to ever exist. They also had a painting of Guillermo del Toro. You weren’t sure why, but you loved it anyway. There was only one thing about the small bookstore that you loved more than the Del Toro painting, which is saying a lot, that painting was amazing.

Your coworker, Hisirdoux Casperan, was very quickly becoming your favourite human being in the entire world. He was sweet, selfless, and he cared about other people. He made you laugh more than anyone else, and he was there for you when you were stressed or anxious. Also, he had a cat. I don’t even need to tell you that cats are amazing.

The bookstore was the perfect place, and it only got better as the seasons changed. Fall in Arcadia was beautiful, fall in Arcadia in a bookstore was even better. GDT began to feel like a second home to you, so much, in fact, that you developed the habit of leaving things at work. It wasn’t your fault, things like this happen sometimes, and that’s okay. As long as you don’t forget anything too important, you should survive.

And then you forgot something important.

It wasn’t anything major like your wallet, but it was necessary to keep you warm in the cool weather, especially at night.

And it was night. And it was cold. And your favourite sweater was still in the bookstore. And you hadn’t realized until Douxie had locked the doors and you’d both gone your separate ways.

In short, you were a little bit screwed.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, shivering slightly. This was fine. Totally fine. As fine as a dog drinking coffee in a burning room. The wind blew, shaking the branches on the trees and raising goosebumps on your skin. Lovely.

You braced yourself against the breeze, trudging forward, determined to make it home and have a hot cup of tea.

And then you heard a trash can fall over. Extra lovely.

The last thing you wanted was to deal with a Goblin or Shadow Mephit or something. You walked faster. There was another, louder crash behind you. You sped up again. You were not dealing with this tonight.

There was more noise from behind you, the universe clearly disregarding your wishes for a calm night. At this point, you were running. There was a limit to how much crap you could put up with, and it was a limit you were fast approaching.

Then Douxie flew into your side, bringing both of you to the ground.

“Douxie!?”

“(Y/N)!?”

Whatever had thrown Douxie at you roared from the alley. You couldn’t see it, but you could tell that it wasn’t anything good.

“You have to run,” your coworker said, getting to his feet and offering you a hand up.

“What? No, I’m not leaving you-”

“I’ll be okay, (Y/N), but you need to get out of here!”

Even if you wanted to, you didn’t have time to get out of there. What appeared to be a large stone spider emerged from the space between buildings. How this thing didn’t wake up the whole neighbourhood, you had no idea, and you couldn’t stop to think of one because the arachnid was now attacking. Douxie stood in front of you, shielding you with his body, and some kind of blue forcefield.

“(Y/N), GO!”

You ran, but you didn’t go home. Instead, you searched for something to fight with.

Monsters and magic were not a new concept to you, not when you lived in Arcadia. You’d gone through whatever the hell that troll-thing was, an alien attack, and several other crap-tastic world-ending events. This was just one monster, and you had Douxie, who was apparently a wizard on your side. This was not the problem you were expecting or even a problem you wanted, but it was one you could handle.

It took a minute of searching, but eventually, you found the perfect weapon. Someone had left a folding chair outside. It may not be an enchanted sword, or a serrator, or a gun, but folding chairs had done wonders for you during the troll-hell, and you figured it would work for you now.

You grabbed the chair and rejoined the fray.

Douxie was not pleased to see this. He really liked you. You were sweet, snarky and charming, and he really liked all of your quirks. He enjoyed your company and wanted to spend more time with you. He knew you were a strong person, and that you could take care of yourself, but he was really hoping that you wouldn’t have to deal with this. He knew it would kill him if anything bad happened to you.

But you lived in Arcadia, where bad things always happened, and you knew how to deal with this.

“EAT CHAIR, PUNK!” you yelled, bringing the chair down on whatever part of the spider you could reach. This didn’t make the spider happy, but you were able to avoid any and all attacks while repeatedly bashing the thing with your folding chair.

The wizard was at a loss for words.

While he wanted you to run home, he knew there was a high chance that you would stay, and a higher chance that you would stay and try to help him. The chair, however, had not been a part of these calculations, so all he could do was stare and watch as you kicked this thing’s ass. No one could blame him, it was very impressive and very attractive.

And kick-ass you did. You dodged attacks and landed hits, your folding chair proving to be as useful as ever. Eventually, you managed to wedge your weapon between the pincers of the arachnid, distracting it momentarily.

“Douxie! Now!”

Douxie snapped from his haze at the sound of your voice. He sent a wave of magic at the thing before opening the gate to limbo underneath it. You and Douxie were left staring at the ground where the thing had fallen through.

“Nice one,”

“Thanks,” the situation set in for both of you.

“Hey, wait a minute, what was that?”

“Oh, fuzzbuckets, are you okay?”

The two of you hesitated for a moment, held at a stalemate. You wanted answers, he wanted to know if you were alright.

You took this time to take in details you hadn’t noticed while beating up the stone spider. Douxie had some kind of band or cuff on his wrist. You had never seen that before despite working with him for a few months now. It was new. And it was pretty cool if you were telling the truth.

While you examined the cuff from where you stood, Douxie noticed that you were unharmed, but shivering slightly. You didn’t have your sweater on.

“Aren’t you cold?”

The question knocked you out of your thoughts, but fortunately, you were focused enough to answer, “Oh, uh, yeah, I forgot my sweater back at the bookstore,”

“Oh,”

Without another word, Douxie took off his hoodie, walked over to you and wrapped it around your shoulders.

“There you go, that should warm you up,”

You gingerly grabbed the edges of the hoodie, wrapping it tightly around your shaking frame. He was right, it did warm you up, but as your eyes ran over the tattoos on Douxie’s shoulders, you thought of a few more ways he could help you achieve that goal.

“Thank you,”

“Of course, love,”

The wind blew by again. It wasn’t so bad this time.

Then you realized how late it was.

“Oh, god, I should be getting home, I-”

“Let me walk you,”

“Are you sure?”

“(Y/N), I know you can defend yourself,” he cast a cautious glance towards the discarded folding chair, “But it would make me feel a lot better to know you got home safe,”

Your cheeks warmed at the sentiment. It was nice to be cared about.

“Ok. Come on, I’m this way,”

The walk started off in silence.

Douxie’s hoodie was soft. His tattoos were really nice. It was still kinda cold, but Douxie showed no signs of feeling the temperature.

But it was too quiet. You needed to talk about this.

“Hey, Doux? You mind telling me what that thing was?”

The wizard sucked in a deep breath, “To be honest, I don’t know yet. I’m still figuring that one out,”

“Huh,” you supposed that was a valid answer, “Let me know when you do,”

Douxie smiled for a moment. He told you that you’d be the first to know. Then his face fell. He almost looked scared, but there was nothing around you to be scared of. You were a bit confused, but your attention stayed on Douxie.

“(Y/N), until this is all sorted out, could you avoid going out after dark? I don’t want you getting hurt,”

That was a bit of an understatement. If you got hurt at all, it would kill him. If you got hurt by something he could have protected you from, it would destroy him.

“I’ll do my best, but you know I get off from work late,”

“Then I’ll walk you home,”

“I’d like that,”

You were a bit surprised by how determined he was to keep you safe. It was really nice to have someone watching out for you for a change. It made you feel warm on the inside.

After that, the conversation turned to normal things. Music, books, anything other than stone monsters with no name. Douxie did ask where you learned to wield a folding chair, but some things are best left to the imagination.

You were actually sad when your house came into view, something you never thought possible. You’d been enjoying your time with Douxie so much, you didn’t want it to end. Unfortunately, you did not control the universe.

“Well, this is me,” you took off the hoodie, which was also a sad event. You held it out for Douxie to take, “Here-”

“Hang onto it,” the wizard said, taking your hands under the hoodie for a moment, “At least until you get your sweater back,”

You both pulled away, blushing, 100%.

“Thank you,”

“It’s no problem, really,”

There was another moment of silence. You both had so much to say, but no idea how to say it.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow,”

“Tomorrow,”

Douxie watched as you opened the door to your home, and stepped through the door. A surge of energy ran through him. He had to say something, anything, or he would regret it.

“(Y/N)?”

You spun around to face him faster than either of you thought possible, “Yes?”

Douxie paused. He didn’t think he’d get that far, to be honest. But you were watching him with anticipation, waiting for him to speak.

“Just… stay safe, okay?” it wasn’t exactly what he wanted to say, but it was close enough.

“I will if you do,”

The smile on your face was the best thing he’d seen all day.

He was so distracted by the curve of your lips that he didn’t even notice that you had moved to stand in front of him.

“Thanks again, Douxie,” and with that, you left a small kiss on his cheek and entered your apartment, leaving Douxie a blushing mess on your doorstep.

“Douxie? Are you alright?”

“I’m much better than alright, Arch,”

#hisirdoux x reader #hisirdoux casperan x reader #douxie x reader #douxie imagine #hisirdoux imagine #hisirdoux #hisirdoux casperan #douxie #toa douxie #toa hisirdoux #fluff #chaotic #chaotic reader

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rel312 · 8 months

Text

What I loved about the last 2 episodes of WWDITS S5 (SPOILERS!!!):

Episode 9:

“The intoxicating elixir to the weary mind” everything Laszlo says is mesmerizing

Nandor using a book as an excuse to not go to The Guide’s art gallery

They have a car???

The vamps being carried around in a pet carrier as bats

Colin Robinson’s mustache

Perdita not even being there

“Six?”

This is all just set up by The Guide right?

The little moment between Guillermo and The Guide

Laszlo’s fencing joke

Laszlo not even moving while The Guide is going crazy

Everything about Laszlo’s fencing scene

His little “oh shit” at the end

Nandor and Colin Robinson playing chess but neither of them know how

The Guide making paintings of the vamps and wanting to show them off to her new friends

None of the vamps caring about the art

The Guide very clearly leading Nadja to the wrong place

Nadja calling Laszlo her best friend 🥹

Nadja pushing The Guide in front of her and The Guide just going “let me go first to keep you safe”

Nadja running away as she says she’s coming to help

The hunt being humans

Nandor thinking college athletes are the “most challenging prey”

Nandor’s impressed “look at him go”

Guillermo just chilling in the house

Nandor bird calling to hunt humans

Nandor literally treating Guillermo like a dog

Nandor actually trying to help The Guide by finding a stick

And then immediately running away from her when the humans come

Colin Robinson’s facial hair

“Predict-ament”

Colin Robinson being convinced everyone disappearing is Guillermo’s fault until he has like 2 seconds to think about it

Guillermo being so gentle with The Guide

The Guide ignoring Guillermo cause she’s trying to make a point

So it was The Guide!

“Glad onion”

Nandor still not understanding what’s happening

All of The Guide’s grievances being with Nadja in the flashbacks

Nadja still making it about her

We were right! The Guide did set up the hex!

I did not have Colin Robinson saying “Did not have that on my 2023 bingo card” on my 2023 bingo card

Nandor sticking onto “taking matters into his own hands” and everybody being like “what???”

“I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t wanna hurt you”

Nandor’s sad voice asking to make sure he heard it right

“You could’ve asked me” stop it stop it stop it

Babygirl is so sad

The fact that Nandor knew right away what was wrong with Guillermo’s turning

Also whoever called it being the Van Helsing thing was right

The fact that Laszlo knew exactly what date they all said nice things about The Guide

The way Laszlo draws out that “loveeeee”

Guillermo being so proud he turned into a bat for the first time

And then Nandor being upset that he’s rubbing it in

Laszlo protecting Guillermo from Nandor

Nandor’s scream for Guillermo

The way the nice conversation was just to set her up with Colin Robinson so he’ll move out

Episode 10

Guillermo going to Derek

Guillermo telling the crew to come in

Derek not understanding it was the crew that followed him

Nadja tracking Guillermo down

Or… I guess Derek just telling her lol

Wait she went to find Derek specifically to find Guillermo!

Nadja telling Derek her name was Detective Policeman

Nadja trying to protect Guillermo

Nadja going to stop the couple but then joining them

That was… a very personal way of describing Guillermo’s death Nandor

“I have been watching the one place he will return to eventually… Panera Bread”

“He can run, but he cannot run very far. Because he has very short legs”

Patton Oswald????

“Do you know John Slattery?”

Nandor not realizing there’s more than one Panera Bread

Colin Robinson asking Nadja where Guillermo is to find him

Colin Robinson doing an exit interview

“Mr. De la ‘Cruzz’”

“At times almost articulate” the awkward handshake

Nandor going to eat with Payton Oswald at Panera Bread

Laszlo coming to Guillermo too

“I must apologize, Gizmo, I feel like I’ve let you down” he cares

Laszlo starting to be sweet but getting distracted by the tv

“I’m just more afraid of losing the vampires. My friends” STOP he loves them so much

Nandor bringing Patton Oswald to the rooftops

And Nandor kicking him off for suggesting he doesn’t kill Guillermo

The Guide even coming to see Guillermo

Also the animal clones coming to see him

Guillermo telling them there’s no room at the “farm”

Nandor going to Guillermo’s mom to get to him

Nandor deciding not to kill Guillermo because he didn’t like killing Patton Oswald

Nandor’s word as a warrior

Guillermo hypnotizing his mom not to kill Nandor

Nandor telling the others he’s making Guillermo an equal and all of them hating it

Colin Robinson being so concerned on Guillermo possibly taking his seat

Laszlo being so upset that he didn’t think of giving Guillermo human blood

Also Nandor being smarter than Laszlo

“Drink bitch”

Guillermo fully turning and being so excited

Colin Robinson’s “FOMO”

The vamps draining a while restaurant

And Guillermo not wanting to kill anyone and genuinely getting so emotional about it

Nandor having heard the whole convo

Oh my god Nandor was never waiting cause he was fucking with Guillermo or some messed up shit, he was waiting for Guillermo to be ready

THE DJIN!!!!

Of course he ran out of wishes

“I wish I could help you”

Nandor really wanted to fix it though

Nandor tenderly tying Guillermo’s cape

The Baron and the Sire coming to the ceremony

Guillermo wanting to be a human

Did… did the Sure just say “thank you”??

Everyone except for Derek taking off their hoods

Guillermo just… turning back

And growing facial hair in a second

And Nandor carrying around Guillermo’s real glasses

Nandor pronouncing the t in Home Depot

Laszlo offering to Guillermo

Them bringing Derek to the necromancer

Derek having only spent $270 from Guillermo’s money on “vampire clothes” from hot topic

Derek coming back as a zombie

TOPHER????

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thetygre · 6 years

Photo

30 Day Monster Challenge 2 - Day #5: Favorite Fish-Man

1.) Abe Sapien (BPRD)

Good old Abraham Sapien. Been with us since the fist arc of Hellboy. Abe’s come a long way since then; met his mom, found his wife, subsequently lost her, reunited with his old steampunk buddies, got elected as antichrist after Hellboy and Liz, went into a coma, mutated a couple of feet taller, and so and so on. Into Abe is thrown a lot of bigger themes that inform us of the Mignolaverse’s overall composure. On the aesthetic side, Abe always brings the ocean, fish, and water with him. Lovecraft’s fear of the ocean, Verne’s fascination, and Melville’s awe of it are all wrapped up in Abe Sapien. In his past life, he even came from a whaling family, and he was part of a secret society of ocean-worshiping spiritualists. That’s the other aesthetic cue in Abe; Victoriana. Even when in body armor and running across the flooded remains of the Gulf Coast, Abe never loses a certain gentility. But as a character theme, more than anything, I think Abe represents tragedy. He’s lost more than anyone; Even Liz can still say she has her humanity. Abe can’t even remember his past life, and now he’s becoming a little more monstrous every day.

But through all that, Abe is still maybe the most relatable member of the BPRD for me. (Well, the superpowered ones anyway.) Abe isn’t really sure of who he is or his place in the world, and he’s still looking for those connections that root a person. At the same time, Abe sticks to the middle of the road, acting as the voice of reason even in unreasonable circumstances. He’s capable of emotional outbursts and faults, but for the most part, Abe succeeds at being a good person. Abe might be the strangest core member of the BPRD, but that he’s never inhuman. We don’t need to be super heroes; just basically good people are enough to keep the world running.

2.) Davy Jones (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Man, I just love how cool this guy is. Sea monster octopus pirate; that’s a character description that makes my inner ten year old want to jump and down. Davy Jones’ whole character design is just so nifty; tentacle beard, organic peg-leg, crab-claw hook hand, a sweet pipe and a giant hat. Hat’s also important for the other reason I love Jones; plays into so many mythical archetypes. Costumers for PotC explicitly stated they picked Jones’ hat because it looked like horns, and they really wanted Jones to fit his role as essentially the pirate devil. As the PotC spans out, Jones is revealed to have been even more legendary characters; he’s the Old Man of the Sea that Odysseus had to wrestle to go to Hades, and Charon guiding souls over to the underworld. I’ll be honest, Davy Jones’ pathos with the lost love never really struck a chord with me. Bill Nighy’s performance of it was great, though, so props are definitely in order for that. And last, but certainly not least, I can’t not love a man who keeps a kraken as a pet.

3.) Deep Ones (H.P. Lovecraft)

The classic. The first. Your one and only. It’s beginning to look a lot like fish-men. The blue-collar workers of the Cthulhu Mythos. H.P. Lovecraft’s fear of the ocean and corrupted bloodlines all wrapped into one beautiful, horrible fish creature. Nothing quite beats Lovecraft’s originals; he goes out of his way to describe them as alien, foul, and horrible. They’re another one of those monsters you can practically smell through the pages. I think it’s safe to say that half the other fish-men on this list wouldn’t exist without the Deep Ones. People are still scared of the ocean and the alien things living in it, and the Deep Ones give that fear a face. All the while they call to some primal part of us, an archaic memory that remembers when our species used to be fish, and they tell us to come home. Just as angels call us to come to God, the Deep Ones call us back to the sea. (Also; fat and hunchbacked Deep Ones only. I’m sorry; I wish I didn’t have to make that call. If it was up to me, all Deep Ones would be valid. But these are the times we live in, and sacrifices have to be made, preferably to Father Dagon.)

4.) The Creature from the Black Lagoon (Universal Monsters)

Deep Ones lite. There’s actually a lot I like about the Creature on its own merits. It’s such a natural creature, as far as monsters go. It lives in harmony with its ecosystem, and its design really conveys that its simply a fish that has evolved into a humanoid shape. You can say the same thing about humans, though, and that ultimately is where we connect with the Creature. He’s also kind of charming in his own way; wide eyes, smiling face, no big pointy teeth. He’s practically a goldfish compared to the Deep Ones. And of course those underwater ballet sequences are still just absolutely beautiful. I think more than the Deep Ones, the Creature can probably be compared to King Kong; a primal, more innocent creature so strange that humanity wouldn’t leave it alone. Mankind’s desire to know more about the mysterious ultimately destroyed that mystery, conveying the paradox of how destructive discovery can be.

5.) The Asset (Shape of Water)

We’ve come full circle now, I suppose. Centuries ago, sailors dreamed up half women/half fish creatures to ease their loneliness, and now we’ve made a half man/half fish to do the same for women. The Asset is pretty explicitly a makeover of the Creature from the Black Lagoon, even coming from a distant part of South America. There’s also clearly some Abe Sapien in there, which is only to be expected coming from Guillermo del Toro. This might sound weird, but I think the details I appreciate most are the spines and the fangs. I know this whole movie was supposed to be about how the monster was less dangerous than the Creature, but the spines and fangs just make it feel like a more believable creature.

6.) The Creature (Monster Squad)

But before the asset, there was another Creature from the Black Lagoon reboot in The Monster Squad. This movie is just the gift that keeps on giving. I’d say that the Creature here is the strongest individual design out of the whole batch. He didn’t really do much in this movie, but he made one heck of an impression. Designed by none other than the late, great Stan Winston, this version of the Creature looks like its ready to kick ass and take names. I distinctly get the impression of a piranha from it, and you can just imagine a mob of these guys rising up out of the Amazon and pulling down a river boat.

7.) Sahuagin (Dungeons and Dragons)

There are a lot of different fish people to choose from in D&D. Kuo Toa, Skum, Locathah, mermaids, Atlanteans, and the list grow longer every year. But my personal favorite are the Sahuagin; brutal, murderous raiders living in a strict tribal hierarchy, worshiping a giant shark, and prone to mutations. While most fish men draw from Lovecraft, I got the distinct impression that the Sahuagin were more pulpy, a bit more Edgar Rice Burroughs. Even their other name, the Sea Devils, sounds like something Conan or Tarzan would fight in a comic book. Their designs are just so cool; fin ears, bullet heads, shark teeth, long tails. Before ‘scary’, these were sea monsters made to look intimidating. They are the most organized antagonistic force under the waves, threatening everything from merfolk to sailors. Their goal? Nothing short of supreme domination of the sea.

8.) Shark Giant (Bloodborne)

Another Deep One descendent, and this one hits like a truck. There’s a lot to be said for the shark giant on its own merits. It’s lack of eyes make you think that it senses by scent, and remind you of how a shark can sense a drop of blood in water a hundred miles away. There are, of course, the teeth, and how they seem to take up more space than there is for the mouth. The barnacles on its back are both a crest and a fin. Its paleness makes it seem to glow in the dark, like its bioluminescent. It really reinforces the feeling in the Fishing Hamlet that you’re underwater, like the boundaries between land, sea, and sky have been blurred. More than any other monster in the Fishing Hamlet, the shark giant is what reminds me of Lovecraft’s Dagon; a huge, deformed figure skulking over the mud of a submarine nightmare-scape.

9.) The Children of the Thing That Drifted Ashore (Junji Ito)

The Thing That Drifted Ashore isn’t even really my favorite Junji Ito sea monster story; that would probably be Gyo. But the things that come crawling out of it are some of the first fish people I find genuinely disgusting, evoking that same feeling Lovecraft wanted from his Deep Ones. The Thing had apparently swallowed dozens of people that fell into the sea over the years, keeping them in its stomach. But rather than being digested, the people changed. It’s subtle, but you can still see it; webbed fingers, widened eyes, transparent skin. Inside the Thing, the people were witnesses to the abyss of the deep sea and driven mad by it. I’m reminded of an old version of the story of Jonah I was read as a child, where Jonah looked through the great fish’s eyes and saw the fires of Sheol and the Leviathan at the bottom of the ocean. The people swallowed are reborn, now children of the Thing, belonging only to the deep sea.

10.) Otto Aquarius (The Venture Bros)

I just love this cute little guy. He’s only a minor character on the Venture Brothers, but he still made an impression on me. A half Atlantean that became a Mormon missionary, he’s just so earnest and eager. He’s an obvious play on superheroes like Namor and Aquaman, but they can’t hold a candle to this sweetheart. He’s clean, he’s polite, he’s socially conservative, he’s useless in combat; Otto’s just endearing. Dump the Asset and get with the real catch, folks.

#30 Day Monster Challenge 2 #30 Day Monster Challenge #BPRD #the creature from the black lagoon #the shape of water #h.p. lovecraft #bloodborne #dungeons and dragons #pirates of the caribbean

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