#also i cant tell if this was inspired by someone else's fic. did someone else write something like this??? i never know if its my own HCs

[excalibur-gone-missing]

Paring: Dino x fem!reader

Requested: no

Genre: angst, fluff

Warning(s): cheating, angst, sadness, mentions of pregnancy (do inform me if there's more)

Summary: You were the light guiding Chan for the most of his life. now that you are not there anymore, he cant help but feel your absence as he reminisces his past and all those times you were there to ground him no matter what.

Word count: 6k

Other works

disclaimer: this is not the exact representation of the subjects in real life. I just use them for my inspiration.

special thanks to @spamgyu for helping me out 😭

a/n: I would greatly appreciate it if all of you could take a moment to comment on this fic. As an author, I find great value in your feedback, as it allows me to better comprehend my readers, and I thoroughly enjoy interacting with all of you. Constructive criticism is always welcome, so don't hesitate to talk about this fic or send me an ask.

[permanent taglist] [only for those interested, don’t fill the form otherwise]

Chan's life was determined before he had a chance to consider it. His family wasn't well-off. They struggled from early on to get food on their plates. He knew from when he was a child that he had to support his siblings because his parents refused to do so.

So that’s exactly what he did. He got into SNU with a full scholarship, secured a good job, and built a stable life with six figures coming in annually to his bank account, providing enough money to support his siblings’ dreams.

But what did it all get him?

Nothing!

He sacrificed his teens and his twenties because his father felt the need to be a raging alcoholic, and now he stands in the middle of Gangnam in his beautiful flat with its polished floors. But he lacks the most important thing in life: happiness.

To be truthful, he lacks a lot of things, but happiness takes the cake. If someone asks him, he lacks friends too. But our dearest Boo Seungkwan would like to disagree about that. In Chan’s defense, friends are absolutely not equal to friend (just a difference of ‘s’, as our dear ‘Kwanie’ said. Plus, his multiple personalities make up for the said lack of ’s’, which further raises the question as to why the man does not go for a checkup, as it seems he has self-diagnosed DID. We shall never know).

Chan is happy about his brothers doing what they like, though. It’s not that hard to not be happy when he literally raised them. Sacrifices need to be made, he has realized; some just make more than others, and there is nothing one can do about that. He accepts that he is indeed grateful for the friend he has made, the one who has stayed with him and accepted him as he is.

Now, it may sound sappy, and Chan swears he will never tell this to Seungkwan, but he has indeed helped him through the thick and thin of life. All those late-night drinking sessions and ugly crying have brought him to this stage in life where he thinks of the boy as more of a family than anyone else. He helped him when Chan’s life was falling apart, and he also was there to scold him back to the right track when no one believed in him, not even himself.

Although he lacks happiness, he is fine with that (he at least has Boo Seungkwan). He can live with being sad; he already has!

This is where you came in, the reason for Chan’s genuine smiles, from back in college to five years ago. It was a pretty serious relationship that you both had. Chan loved you. He had plans of making you his wife. For God’s sake, he was in a relationship with you for almost ten years! But somewhere along the way, he messed up. He became the exact thing he had hated all his life.

He became a person like his father.

You, being the nice kind, tried your best to stop him from spiraling down the rabbit hole of bad habits. But alas, it takes two to tango, and if he didn’t want to be better, no one, not even God himself, could do it for him.

It took losing you to realize how messed up his life had become.

--

“Chan, I’m heading out. Dinner’s in the fridge—please actually eat it this time. We don’t need two meal skippers in this household,” you quipped, watching as Chan chuckled and gave you a quick giggle inducing peck before returned his attention to the document he’d been typing for the past hour.

“Sure thing, Your Majesty. Your command shall be dutifully followed!” he exclaimed with a mock salute, drawing out another laugh from you. With a playful ruffle of his hair and another peck on his cheek, you left the apartment to begin your night shift at the hospital.

Chan, unlike you, has just started his new job after completing his MBA. It’s been tough, but he’s persevered, and soon enough, you both will be able to enjoy the luxuries he could only dream of growing up.

Your fifth anniversary is approaching faster than ever, and now Chan finally has the means to fulfill your dream of a trip to Europe. The pressure of this new job is more than the last one, but getting those tickets would be a walk in the park now.

Quickly finishing his document and mailing it to the head of the department, he immediately goes to check those flight ticket prices and hotel prices. He releases a happy sigh the minute he realizes that it’s exactly what he had expected the prices to be. So, without wasting a single moment, he buys those tickets. He knew this gift would make you happier than ever.

The next month, you had been notified about the expensive purchase only because you had to get a leave from your job, and you obviously can’t disappear for two weeks unannounced. He, in reality, had no plans to inform you about anything, but he couldn’t interfere with your job either.

But at the end it was worth it, the look on your face the minute you were informed about the trip. Oh, if only Chan could frame it and keep it away from the world, only if he could keep you near him and never let you go. But he didn’t think of that then. No, he was happy he had told you earlier.

The happiness radiating off you as you kept going on and on about the clothes you needed to buy, all the foods you were going to try once there. It was what helped him keep going throughout the day, even though the work became tiring with every passing minute.

If only he could have stopped time and lived in that moment forever.

—

One thing he never realized is how demanding his job would be once he got into a higher position. The calls kept him up at night; they came at the most ungodly of times, and Chan was expected to pick them up, because he always did.

You never complained; it was fine by you. If anyone understood him, it was you. Both of you had highly demanding jobs, and nothing could beat the expectations your colleagues had on you both.

But what he had not counted on was those calls interrupting your trip. During the entirety of your anniversary, he was glued to that phone of his, never once able to leave it. It was one problem at the office or the other.

Again, you kept your mouth shut, enjoying your own company as your boyfriend busied himself with work in the hotel room.

That was the last trip you both had gone on. You figured that it was too much to ask from someone who had so much work to do. But still, you understood his hunger to do better in life. You understood that someone had to compromise in the relationship and wholeheartedly accepted that it had to be you.

Coming to think of it, it was not supposed to be like this. Never! Both of you were supposed to communicate and figure out what your relationship was supposed to mean. But somewhere along the line, it just became regular sex and nothing else. When you talked about this with your friends, all of them had the same reaction.

‘Leave him!’ they had told you, ‘he wouldn’t change, he prefers his job more than you.’

It was a regular thing now. But you were scared. All the years you had invested in the relationship, you never wanted it to become what it had. You had held out hope that one day Chan would notice you. He would realize he had a girlfriend who also needs his attention as much as his job.

It didn’t take too long for those dreams to come true, though.

—

One night, you sat down with the man, asking him about the changes in his life. You begged him to look your way beyond the times he made love to you. It was an intense conversation, filled with words that neither of you actually meant, but hurt you both equally.

That night brought you both another few years, or that’s what you think. It became better, both your lives and the relationship. You both would talk more, spend time with each other, laugh with each other, and go about your days with lovesick smiles on your faces. Although none of your jobs became less hectic, it still was as painstaking as ever, but the scenery in your shared home was peaceful. It was both of your comfort zones.

What neither of you realized, this peace that you both had brought back into your lives, was fickle. In order to keep it like that, both of you had to put in some effort.

—

It slowly became visible to both of you how much more effort this relation of yours needed. Both of you saw the way your paradise was crumbling down bit by bit. Nights became lonely for you. Chan, being the perfectionist he is, would be stuck up in his office until the rays of sun hit the glass windows, reminding him of the fact that he indeed had stayed the night in his office. The hectic job took everything away from him. It stripped him of his identity, and slowly it was also stripping his happiness and sanity away. It was like the darker times had hit both of you again.

It was then that he suddenly passed out on the streets due to extreme fatigue and was brought immediately into the nearest hospital, which was the one you worked at. Lo and behold, you were the nurse on emergency room duty that day. This was the first time you saw the love of your life in that state; you saw what this new job had done to him. How it had taken this happy and healthy person you knew and turned him into this sick, unhappy, and overworked person. Your helplessness mocked you in your face. At night, you stayed by his side after the doctors had given their verdict about him being too overworked. You took care of him like never before, making sure to make him take an ample amount of rest.

Sadly, the industry is ruthless. As soon as the employers became aware that their once highly valuable employee’s usefulness had diminished, they ultimately opted to terminate him. Although Chan claims there were some more internal politics involved in this sacking, there was no way he could have evaded it.

Both of you soon realized it was the best thing that could have happened to him. While being the worst experience he could ever go through in his corporate career.

You stayed by his side through every hurdle though. You never once let him feel the need to be more than what he already was. But life was giving both of you a hard time.

It took Chan another month to get a new job. But only this time, it was a better, more important position in a better company. This is when life took off for both of you again. With Chan back on track, equipped with the newfound knowledge of not working more than necessary, he was on a roll. Almost unstoppable.

This change also affected your relationship, but positively this time. Chan and you would go on constant dates and enjoy each other’s company way more than ever.

—

It was nearing your seventh anniversary. Both of you had talked about getting married and starting a family enough times for him to know this was the perfect time for him to propose.

So, on the day of your seventh anniversary, he had planned to take you to this fancy Italian place. He claimed that you deserved only the best. No one could ever argue with him about that. You, along with Seungkwan, had been by his side for so long that he had forgotten the time when he didn’t have you both. Nothing, absolutely nothing, would change that fact. With that it brought him to the most important question of that year.

“But what ring do I buy her?” the stressed boy asked his best friend.

“Wow, I wasn’t informed about the fact that y/n suddenly had become my girlfriend!” Seungkwan exclaimed sassily.

“Dude, you can calm down. She is still my girl, ain’t no way you are getting her. Find a girl of your own,” the shorter boy retorted back.

Why am I being asked about her preference for a ring then, huh?”

“Because she said, and I quote, ‘if you buy me an expensive engagement ring that I can’t even wear out because it looks too expensive, I will castrate you’,” Chan said seriously, bringing out a seal-like laugh from the back of Seungkwan’s throat.

“Do something meaningful for her then, you dumb fuck,” making Chan almost cringe at the scolding. Without letting the boy talk, his best friend continued, “Put in some effort and do something that shows you care, without having to spend a copious amount of money. I have no idea what you should do, but bro, if it were up to me, a girl would for sure get a ring no matter what!”

Now, this made him think. It made him think hard. But even after all that thinking, he couldn’t come up with a good idea for an alternative for an engagement ring.

It was not until the next Saturday when he was sitting on the couch waiting for you to choose a movie for the weekly movie night, did he stumble upon the perfect idea for a ring? Like any usual person, the man was scrolling through TikTok when he found out that one could make rings out of clay.

Perfect!

If you didn’t want a diamond ring, you shall get a clay ring. For you might catch the sun lacking one day, but not Chan, never Chan!

—

This kick-started the learner phase of Chan’s life once again. He would visit the pottery classes every week because he needed to excel at the art to mold the perfect ring. One suitable for daily wear and also because this hobby brought him more peace than ever.

He made some friends here; they were fun to hang out with. You had met all these new people flooding into his life. He would parade about the with his hand on you showing you off proudly.

“Who wouldn’t?” he would ask whenever someone pointed it out. This question had the power to make him start ranting about you at any given point. So much so that after a point, people stopped asking him about you, no matter the context.

Because, oh boy, was he in love.

--

It took him one year and some friendships to finally complete learning everything there was to learn about pottery. In the course of that time, he had littered your shared house with his creations.

Oh, you wanted to buy a new bowl because you saw it on Instagram? No fear, Chan shall make it this instant. Oops, your favorite coffee mug broke? Chan has come to your rescue with a better, scientifically cute, usable, and overall better mug for you.

The creative spark of the boy never dimmed down, nor did his extroverted nature. Every other day, he would be out with his new friends, so much so that even Boo Seungkwan noticed. You both had chats with each other about the changes in Chan’s life over a cup of tea whenever Seungkwan would come over.

To say that you both were happy about him enjoying life would be an understatement. You had seen the pain the man had gone through in his life. It only made sense for him to have the best of the best experiences when he had the opportunities.

But again, as people say, one should do everything in moderation. It seems that Chan could do nothing in moderation. He would work himself half to death. In this case too, he started drinking and partying himself half to death. The outings that were done to unwind after a long hard day became parties that were making the day even longer.

The friends that helped him overcome the pressuring environment of his office became the ones who would pressure him to go way out of his comfort zone, all for the wrong reasons. People say twenties are times when people experiment with their life and gain new experiences.

The same was applicable for Chan too, the only difference being he was learning different ways of spiraling down holes that are hard to climb up from. The hilarious part being, these were the holes that he had carefully dug out himself.

It’s not like you never stopped him, because you did. The minute you realized these new friends were pushing Chan’s limits in the wrong way, you didn’t waste a second to tell him.

“I think you should calm down with this partying and stuff. It’s unbelievably bad for your health,” you had told him one night when he had come home drunk out of his wits.

“I know how to have fun, not my fault you don’t!”

The boy had shouted at you before collapsing on the couch. Realizing it was a waste of time to even try and talk to him in this state, you tried again the next day when he was far more sober.

“Do you remember what happened yesterday?” you ask Chan, to which he shakes his still-hungover head and winces. Sighing, you continue, “Chan, you can’t let them get to you like this. Moderation is the key here. Please don’t overdo anything, I beg you!” You hugged him, trying to coax him to understand where you were coming from. He obviously hugged you back and promised you to keep your advice in mind the next time they asked him out.

He didn’t. He swears he tried to. But the peer pressure got to him. Before he could even back off, they had already hauled his ass to the bar. He never wanted to disappoint you. So he chose to accept the most coherent plan his drunk mind could formulate: the plan to lie to you.

—

Your seventh anniversary had come and gone a year ago. The only gifts he could provide you that day were a fancy dinner and a solid promise that he would indeed get you the greatest ring you will have ever seen in your whole life. Now the time had come. The time to prove his skills. Those skills he spent an entire year honing.

During this cute date at home, he produced a small wooden box from his pocket. After you had enjoyed the homemade meal he had whipped up for you and you both were cuddling on the balcony, he proposed to you with stars in his eyes and hope in his heart.

He shocked you with the ring. Like your relationship, it was delicate, yet made with lots of love and care. You obviously said yes without hesitation. After all, you loved this man, and he loved you too. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could ever go wrong if he was with you.

--

It seems that no matter how hard you try, life always seems to have other plans for you.

The month right after you accepted his proposal, you received an invitation for a two-year-long workshop in Germany. Such opportunities don’t come every day, so you were elated.

Without wasting any time, you called Chan, informing him about the opportunity you had received. But like every coin, this great opportunity had its drawbacks too.

With the prospect of studying and learning under some of the greatest doctors and nurses came the hardship of leaving your fiancé behind. Chan didn’t like this one bit. He could barely stand to be away from you for a second, let alone two years.

But seeing the excitement on your face and hearing the joy in your voice, he couldn’t bring himself to ask you to stay back. He knew you had sacrificed a lot for him, compromised at times when you could have been happy if he hadn’t made decisions that ruined his life.

--

So he put on a happy smile and told you that if you didn’t take this opportunity, he would pack your bags himself and kick you out of the house. This assurance gave you the confidence you needed. Without wasting any time, you sent an email accepting the proposition to join the workshop.

The next five months passed in a whim. During this time, he had asked you to marry him before you went away, but with a peaceful and determined smile, you had told him, “I will marry you once I come back, like that, we won’t have to spend too much time as newlyweds. Plus, I will be smarter than you too.”

“You are always smarter than me. I can never surpass you,” was the answer you had received, along with a sweet kiss, making your heart swell like a balloon.

Life was starting to feel better again.

Chan had finally made his boundaries very clear. The boy felt extremely guilty for lying to you, though he never confessed to you about doing so. He made sure his actions proved his redemption. He ensured to let these new friends of his know that going out too much with them was affecting him in ways that he didn’t appreciate. Although they did sometimes win against him and force him to go out, it was not as bad as it was before.

—

Soon the day came when you had to fly away to Germany. To say that Chan was sad would be an understatement. He was devastated when he saw you off at the airport with Seungkwan. He had cried the whole way home, making Seungkwan scold him as if he were a baby.

“Now if you keep behaving like this, do you think she would be happy?” the older boy questioned him.

“No, but I miss her already,” Chan replied in a whisper while wiping his tears harshly.

“Be nice, be happy for her. You can talk to her all the time. It’s not the Stone Age,” Seungkwan said with an exasperated sigh, making the younger one stop his sad boy antics at once.

But it was not like Chan was okay. He started working overtime at the office, desperately waiting for you to call him when you got free. And call you did, religiously at six o’clock in the evening.

You both made the decision to talk at that time, regardless of any circumstances. This went on for six months. He tried his best to follow the routine of overworking himself before you would call and save him from killing himself with work.

But with all these works, his willpower also started to crumble down. The old ways came back to him. Before he realized it, he became a party animal. He made new friends at these clubs and bars he started frequenting. He thought you wouldn’t pick up. But you did. You saw how your boyfriend was slowly changing. It was not that obvious at first, but slowly you realized he was getting drowned with work.

Being the lovely girlfriend you were, you asked Seungkwan to take care of him. The boy tried his best to do so. But alas, he was not that successful.

It seemed to both of you that Chan had spiraled back into his overworking session. What you both were unaware of was that it was more than that.

Chan was not just overworking; he was over-drinking and over partying too.

—

One faithful night; he met Eva, his pottery class instructor. She was pretty. They talked the whole night, catching up like old buddies and having fun.

She brought a change to his life again. She started being there for him during times when he would lose himself. She was a great friend, so great that in no time you had the chance to meet her.

You had come back for a week’s vacation. Seungkwan thought it was important for all the friends to meet up because it had been a long time since he had seen you. This meeting was supposed to consist of only you, Chan, and Seungkwan. But Chan asked to bring in another friend he would like you to meet. It was Eva.

You liked her; she was nice. You wanted to be friends with her. Her sweet personality was something no one could resist, a great example of a sweetheart through and through.

For once, you were actually proud of your boyfriend’s choices in life. Your visit was over even before it had started. Suddenly, the week was over, and you were packing your bags to return to Germany.

This time, Chan was not as scared of things going downhill anymore. He knew that within a few more months, you would come back, and he could happily start the wedding preparations. He also knew he had a solid group of friends to have his back. Most importantly, he had learned the art of living without you. Not that it was happy, but now he could enjoy spending time by himself.

—

Time flew faster than ever. In no time, it was Chan’s birthday. Your program would finish that same month, so sadly you couldn’t visit him. All you could do was video call him that morning and congratulate him for hitting thirty before you, to which he grumpily replied, “Your birthday is in six months; I’m gonna make it hell for you.”

“Whatever, old man, get dressed. Don’t you have a job to go to?” You laughed at his grumpy face while teasing him even more.

“I miss you,” Chan suddenly called out, pouting.

“You will meet me next month, Channie. Don’t be this sad now.” Although that did make him happy, the thought of spending yet another birthday without you was saddening. But it’s not like it was going to last. You would be back in no time.

That thought put a smile on his face. Soon enough, he was skipping around the house cooking breakfast and answering numerous calls from his friends and family for being a thirty-year-old now.

Seungkwan and Eva had also planned a not-so-surprise party for him. It consisted of meeting in front of his office and dragging his ass to the bar to drink and have fun. Although the day was spent slaving away in front of the computer, that night he had a lot of fun. He talked to Seungkwan and Eva for hours, and the three of them were pretty intoxicated when they left.

The only thing he remembered from that night was the fact that Eva, being the one out of the three with the most alcohol tolerance, was the one who had made sure that all of them returned home safely.

There was just one slight problem. Eva started to avoid him. Now, in any other situation, he would not have noticed it, but the text the next morning asking him if he remembered anything from the night before had him confused. When he asked her what it was all about, she refused to answer him, opting to ignore him instead.

He had no recollection of the night before, and Seungkwan didn’t either, so it was a mystery to both of them. But then again, his gut told him the problem was bigger than what he thought it was and might come to haunt him if not solved now.

So he did the most sane thing he could think of: He asked her to talk to him about it. He knew the wedding preparations would start the minute you came back, so he wanted to make sure to fix any problem that might affect you both before it blasted out of proportion.

—

“You kissed me,” was the first thing Eva told him after sitting down, making Chan’s heart drop to his stomach.

“Huh, but I don’t remember anything,” Chan retorted.

“It’s not about you remembering or not, it really happened, Chan, and I hate it,” she said, her voice almost breaking.

“Hey, calm down. We were both intoxicated, and we didn’t do it on purpose. Any other time and we wouldn’t have done it,” this seemed to have little to no effect on improving the girl’s mood.

On the other hand, Chan’s blood pressure was rising. The last thing he needed was a big mistake from which he could never turn back. With you coming back from Germany in less than a week, he needed everything in his life to be sorted out, especially something that could jeopardize a relationship with so much love in it.

“Chan, I think I like you. I’m not sure when it happened, or how it did. But I like you. So please don’t tell me I wouldn’t have done it if we weren’t intoxicated.”

The impact of this statement was so immense that it completely shattered his world, leaving him in disarray. It was true that he liked Eva. What kind of feelings he actually held for her was a mystery to him.

So, in the spur of the moment, he kissed her.

Just a few minutes ago, it was bothering him, but once he took the step, he didn’t feel what he was supposed to. He didn’t feel the disgust and hatred towards himself he should have. It felt like sneaking out of his house when he was not supposed to. It made a rush of excitement run through his body. He could feel the adrenaline rush through him.

He felt alive. maybe it was the feeling of doing something forbidden or it was something else, he didn’t know.

But, that night, they did more than kissing.

—

Once you were back, it was all sunshine and rainbows in the first few weeks. You both were happy, spending all your time together and having fun relishing in each other’s presence.

But it didn’t take you long to notice the changes. He would be stuck late at the office but come back home surprisingly lively, or those random texts from his brother late at night asking him to come over, or even the most obvious of them all, the vibrant smell of floral perfume that you never wear.

But you held out. You had promised to give him a chance to explain himself if he came clean to you. But that day never came. You asked him about these odd behaviors, but somehow he would always evade the topic altogether.

All those questions of ‘where were you last night’, ‘when will you come home’, or ‘shall we go on a date sometime soon’, all went unanswered.

He outright ignored your presence at home. But this didn’t stop the wedding preparations. Because his siblings and your parents alike loved him, they had taken the responsibility to take care of the wedding plans.

Before he could continue with his little escapades, Seungkwan caught and confronted him. Not by you but by Seungkwan. The older boy’s disappointment was beyond words. He screamed at him for an hour straight and then he had sat Chan down and calmly said,

“Either you tell her or I will.”

“But I can’t; she will leave me if I ever tell her.”

“Then she will be right in doing so.”

“Chan, I love you to death, but either you stop this and tell your girlfriend the whole truth, or I will take matters into my own hands. She has put up with enough of your shit. Don’t hurt her more,” he had said.

“Give me some time; I will do it as soon as possible,” the younger one had strained out, fisting his hair.

“She better know about it all before the wedding,” Seungkwan had warned him before seeing himself out.

—

Chan had cut off Eva after that. He tried to change everything before actually marrying you. Then, being the kind person you are, you tried to understand your boyfriend. You really did. But this was the first time in ten years you considered leaving him.

This relationship didn’t make you happy anymore. But you had gone through so many troubles together. The effort to hold each other upright was taking a toll on you.

But you were a fighter. You had fought many battles with him by your side. You couldn’t give up on those years either. Your internal dilemma was killing you. But all of this came to a halt one day when you had come back from your night shift, only to find your boyfriend and the girl he oh so diligently claimed to be his good friend, talking in the living room.

It was not like they were trying to be quiet because you could hear every single word spoken by them.

“Chan, it’s yours.”

“Eva, I have a fiancé. I will never leave her. I already told you, I love her.”

“Oh, so you didn’t think about that before fucking me”

“It was a mistake”, Chan shouted.

“No, it wasn’t, we both were very sober”, came another shout

The conversation hit you like a truck, and with each sentence, you felt your heart shattering. The decision suddenly seemed a bit too easy to make.

You walked out of the chaos, leaving the ring behind on the shoe rack. That night, you stayed at your friend’s place.

Following that event, you called Seungkwan, informing him that you won’t talk to Chan anymore. He simply asked if you wanted any help moving out, to which you answered with a simple no.

That was the end of the relationship for you. You refused to talk or see Chan ever again.

—

Now, five years later, Chan is to be married again. Not with you; no, he missed his chance. It's with Eva. They figured the best way to raise Minhan was to be together. In a county like theirs, it wasn’t the best idea to raise a kid with two unmarried parents.

Chan loved Minhan to death. But he could never show the same love for Eva. Looking at her reminded him of the mistakes he made in life. It reminded him of the happiness he could have attained, but he lost due to his own faults.

He is happy Seungkwan is still beside him. He knows he doesn’t deserve a friend like him, so the fact that Seungkwan stayed beside him makes him feel grateful.

He knew that his wife and child would move in with him soon, but he didn’t have the courage to let them into the house yet. The house that held both your memories was a bit too precious to let go of so easily.

The next day came faster than he anticipated. As Chan stood there waiting for his bride, he saw a face that he had been longing to see for the last five years.

He saw your face, sitting there on the benches, a sad smile adorning your face. Your eyes filled with emotions and stories of the years you had spent together.

Oh, how badly Chan wanted to abandon everything and run to you. Apologize a hundred times and ask you to take him back. But he couldn’t; he had children to take care of and shoes to fill.

As he stood there saying his vows, hoping it’s you he saw walking down the aisle and it’s you he kissed, but they are called dreams for a reason. And not all dreams come true.

As he kissed his bride, he saw a glimpse of your teary eyes amongst the crowd, and a tear of his own fell. Wishing for a future he was never destined to have.

the end

[tautowrites]

Captive: a Zoro x Sanji fanfic!

When Sanji is captured and used by bait by a distanced rival (I made an OC for this please bear with me here), Zoro comes swiftly to the rescue. Inspired by That Scene From Dr. Who and also this tiktok (WITH GORGEOUS ART YOU SHOULD GO SEND YOUR LOVE TO) where I commented I would write an inspired fic and then over 80 people gave me the encouragement to keep writing it!!

Warnings: some talks of food deprivation / sedating so he cant fight so drugging / being held prisoner of course

Long so I will put it under here!! pls let me know if you like it

Cell walls can start to feel like an islet if you close your eyes for long enough, the only thing that was missing for Sanji was the sound of waves and the occasional mist in the face. It was hard not to think about then in the now, when he couldn’t tell for his own life how many days it had been. Trapped on the other side of a dense door, what an unbreakable beast it had been when he tried first to kick it down, surrounded by equally infuriating walls.

When footsteps finally echoed in the hall, something inside him had the nerve to hope it was someone, anyone. Every moment of the door opening etched into his skull, turning of locks and clicking of mechanisms that kept the door set in frame. He had half the mind to tackle whoever opened the door, potential of it being crew or not, but he found no energy to move. Of course, it couldn’t be as simple as a savior, Sanji had to be faced with the unpleasant uniform of the guards.

Each and every one of them with elegant armor and a gorgeous helmet to tie everything together. The one that opened the door had an annoyingly heavy gait, Sanji felt something in his stomach churn at the sound of the figures clanking boots.

“Still above talking to your prisoners, les flics,” Sanji spit at the guard in front of him, the newest one he spotted behind the first. He watched the doorway clear as the first guard stepped aside, letting the other in.

The rough agent of Sanji’s mistreatment wasted no time binding his legs and arms, making sure he would be useless on the off chance that he mustered up the strength to fight. Ruthless bastards hadn't fed him in days, why were they rubbing it in his face that he should have some kick in him still? Did they think that he could still hold through it? Had anyone cared to listen last time he was here anyway, to remember how much it would hurt him in the first place, or were they just being assholes for the sake of it?

Sanji truthfully didn’t know exactly who had captured him, assuming it was his family that kidnapped him just gave him something to hate, which gave him something to stay awake and think about, which… well, he was alive, it worked, that was what mattered, right? Not the ever-looming possibility that it could be one of his brothers or sisters under those helms, that his father had redecorated the palace, brought him back in another attempt to reunite the family. Again.

The guards wouldn’t give a response, dragging him down the hallway past empty cell after empty cell, each the same as the one he’d been in. When his mind started wondering about why no prisoners seemed left alive, the floor seemed much more interesting than anything else. It didn’t look like something his father would have installed, which was only partially a relief.

It was a delicate pattern of stones, multicolored, hideous really. Shortly after the doorway it turned into steps, which had wooden flooring at the top of it. He hadn’t paid any attention to it before, being dragged in entirely unconscious of course, but now he could tell it certainly wasn't anything that his family would stand living in.

Too small, too cramped in, which meant almost worse- a bounty hunter.

“Well, if it isn’t Black Leg,” A voice called up ahead, shadowy and eerie, coated in utter mischief, “Sanji, such a pleasure to host you here.”

He didn’t recognize the sound, or the face that emitted the noise, Sanji wasn’t in charge of keeping up with faces. Just recipes, taking care of the kitchen, he couldn’t stop thinking about a skillet and a smoke.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” The stranger spoke again, rising from a seat adorned with what looked like a bunch of sticks, different colors and patterns on each of them, with strips of fabric or rope on some.

“Why should I talk to you,” He hated when his voice sounded this hoarse. Sanji had to bargain to take care of it, despite his deepest desires to avoid the conversation, “What’s in it for me?”

“An invitation to a bit of a celebration. One of my very own,” That sounded like an easy solution. He wondered what else was in store, “You’ll have to get cleaned up and dressed, of course. I’ll provide you clothing to suit the occasion.”

If Sanji hated rich idiots, he hated people who pretended to be rich idiots even more. This place was nothing more than a massive house bordering on the idea of a mansion, with eclectic decorations and copy-paste guards lining the walls, holding him by the arms still.

“Fine,” Sanji caved at the very idea of food and drink, not even the promise or direct implication of it. Only the hope it would be something, anything. “Whatever the hell you want.”

-----

After being brought to a side room, Sanji was briefly released by the guards and untied so he could struggle to get in a suit that had been prepared for him. The thing was scratchy, he could hardly stand it, but his nose could not mistake the distant smell of searing meat and vegetables, it was all that got him to stay on his feet.

The guards soon tugged him along to a dining room, a bit more to Sanji’s standards- surprisingly- than the rest of the place. He was glad to be left free, if only for a moment. Soon enough the guards were back at it, tying just his legs this time to the chair itself. Fair enough, he supposed.

“Food’s almost out,” The man across the table spoke, Sanji could see him a little more clearly, in a dapper suit much like the one Sanji was wearing. Behind him were rows of… swords. Strange enough, but Sanji had seen stranger collections among pirates.

As if upon cue, the same fucking guards again came out with massive plate after plate of food. Sanji would’ve died if he wasn’t so determined to live to taste some of it. He immediately began to eat when his plate landed in front of him, prompting a guard to pull his hands back.

“Wait- wait,” The man with the grating voice spoke, Sanji had already swallowed a few cooked baby carrots, chewed haphazardly enough they were a bit sharp to swallow, but his stomach thanked him. Sanji glared, the man began again, “You need to at least wait for our guest to arrive! But you have been hungry, haven’t you?”

“What’s your problem?” The guards let go of Sanji’s hands at a signal, just as he had spoken. He immediately went back to his food, not giving this man an ounce of table manners, “You pick me up, you lock me in a room, what the hell did I do to you?”

Laughter pierced the air, and Sanji almost dropped his mutton, but he was better than that. Every ounce of food he got into him was a relief like no other, even if freedom felt ultimately useless to hope for at this point. The man spoke, “Not to me, not exactly, but to your dear dear Red-Leg.”

That was enough to get him to drop his food. He’d shoveled enough into his stomach fast enough anyway, a well-developed skill. He stared daggers, the seat wouldn't budge as much as he tried, “Don’t bring him up, you don’t even know-”

“Do I?” He slammed into the table with his hands, fury, unimaginable, “Do I not know Zeff, Sanji, working on his crew and trying to be his favorite next to you-”

A silence fell upon the room. Sanji looked closer, blinking, looking down at the food and recalling a million offhand comments to the cycles of people that came to work at Zeff’s. But to be this personal, it had to be early, right?

It clicked, Sanji screamed out, “Pareil!”

“Took you look enough,” There was venom in the phrase, no warmth at the recognition, “You steal his favor from me, you steal my future, you destroyed him.”

Pareil had been close to Zeff as a captain, not a ship chef. The food he made always came out the same every time no matter how much criticism he received. He always talked about how much he wanted to go back to sailing around, not sitting in the same spot and cooking, offered to be captain since he was one of the few old crew that stuck around. Sanji always felt the resentment, but never thought on it, never thought it would lead here.

The words had settled too close with Sanji as well, hurt too truthfully. He went on and off feeling Zeff’s retirement to be his fault. Now was certainly one of those ‘on’ moments, if it hadn’t already been. Faced with a former crew member of the man himself, Sanji could only find comfort in that common ground.

“He’d be disappointed in you for this,” He hummed, unable to keep himself from disturbing the peaceful air. Sanji wasn’t the civil sort, not for suckers like this. “You’d be getting a kick in the head.”

“Shut the hell up,” Pareil snapped, not seeming insulted as much as he was just completely fed up with Sanji’s presence, so why would he still be keeping this charade going? He kept speaking, Sanji hoped for answers, “You leaving The Baratie was the best thing you did, I thought you would finally be out of my head, Sanji, you know that?”

He stayed quiet. For all it mattered, he felt like it would bring those answers.

“I stayed, I thought you being gone would make Zeff snap out of it and stop playing papa,” Pareil was making Sanji’s blood simmer, “But he just kept up with the cooking, named a menu item after you- that's around when I left at least.”

Sanji wanted to rip out of the chair, but those bindings, whatever they were made of held him steady, or maybe the food had been compromised to weaken him. It didn’t matter, did it?

“You’re my new target, Sanji,” It didn’t feel hard to assume, but the solidification of the fact made the air feel so cold. Pareil sounded even more frigid somehow, “I want to ruin you like you ruined me, simple as that. Won’t even kill you!”

“What the fuck,” Sanji couldn’t manage much more, really. His head hurt, his brain was spinning in a million directions, and everything inside of him wanted to scream for help that wouldn’t hear him.

Pareil stood up, the wall’s decorative swords and the sticks adorning the chair in the main room- not sticks, sheaths- Sanji wouldn’t have taken pride in putting the dots together even if he had, “I can’t believe I have to spell it out for you. Roronoa Zoro, the acclaimed swordsman you tote around. Are you not the one that Zoro would risk life and limb for?”

Sanji had to scoff, something that covered him from recognizing a shuffling in the background, somewhere behind him. He stared at his own captor, dumbfounded, “You’re using me as bait, for Zoro? You would’ve had a better chance laying out a good meal and sake, thinking Zoro has any interest in saving my ass, idiot you are-”

“Are you not the man that loves him?” The nerve to interrupt, Sanji was fuming and yet nothing could fully free him from his seat, he obviously wasn’t supposed to be able to leave this. Pareil truly thought it would work, and he sounded like it too, the strange smile he wore tainting his voice, “Surely-”

“Me love him? Sure as that smug look on your fucking face,” He wished he could shut up, but it was a problem of who knows how long of pouring a lot of love into every meal of Zoro’s. He always seemed to enjoy it more, or maybe Sanji learned to enjoy him. He scoffed, half affectionate, rest stubborn as ever, “You’ll have to get rid of whoever told you he loved me back, though, he’s gonna be the greatest swordsman in the world, and you think you can beat him, you think you can even get him here using me?”

It was Pareil’s turn to fall silent, looking through Sanji like glass. He still seemed to be hearing everything. Even if he wasn’t, Sanji needed to say everything that was pouring from him.

“Zoro doesn’t waste time being in love with nobody, you think he’d get distracted with the shipcook you fucking idiot? Sure you’re right, if you could kill him you would take the stars from my goddamn night sky,” His face was red from yelling, he could feel it, but there was still more bubbling out of his chest, “You don’t love a man grander than all the seas and expect him to give you the time of the day, but if you think someone as petty as you- if you think he’s so fucking small to love me back?”

One of the guards had come to restrain his hands again, something in Sanji didn’t feel the need to fight them, to listen to what the normally speechless guards said, just to keep yelling.

“He’d never get that lost about me, the crew would drag him into it and he’d destroy every one of you, but he would never love me back and that’s fine-” There was a metal clank, the guard's hands were gone, he’d been tugged out the chair’s bindings- now sliced expertly. He recognized the cutwork.

The sight of Zoro’s face hit the nail on the head, Sanji had been spun around- best so he wouldn’t see Pareil’s look of utter self-satisfaction- and it was Zoro gripping each of his arms. “Sanji.. Hey lovecook.”

“You,” He could’ve cried. Could have. But he didn’t want Zoro to see. Or Pareil for that matter. “Why are you here! You stupid mossball-”

“I think you know,” Zoro put Sanji aside, preparing a sword in each hand, the man had become so lightning fast with drawing and redrawing those swords. Sanji couldn’t help but appreciate it.

It seemed the food had something in it, given that Sanji felt powerless to fight alongside Zoro, forced to sit back and watch the whole fight unfold without contributing a single second. It bothered him in too many ways, all sorts of unfair prodding at his inadequacies on top of watching Zoro prove him right and perform excellently in a battle of blades. Pareil was, as Sanji expected, short work, and his guards stood much of the same level of difficulty. Soon enough Zoro was back in front of him, offering a hand to help him up, unable to look him directly in the eye.

Sanji took the hand, stood, and spoke, “You could’ve let me handle it. I would have gotten myself out of that eventually.”

“You’re lucky you can stand, I tried to get you not to eat any of that shit,” Zoro mumbled, pulling a satchel from his bag that smelled distinctly like rice and fish. Sanji was handed one of Zoro’s very own hand made onigiri. A bite of it revealed leftover fish that Sanji had prepared roughly a week ago, a day before capture.

Having a bit of a time frame and a snack he could trust, Sanji still couldn’t shut up, “You need to forget everything you heard, by the way. All of it was probably because of the poisoned food or something.”

Zoro didn’t seem able to respond for a moment, looking at Sanji dumbfounded. “It was stupid of you to trust the food. You could’ve been killed. You’re lucky it wasn’t poison; it was a sedative.”

“Sedative? I don’t feel sedated,” Maybe not enough to stop bickering about, but Sanji had begun slouching against his companion, in denial as he ever would remain in any situation of weakness. “I feel ready to start preparing dinner for the crew, what is Luffy craving?”

“You’re ridiculous,” Zoro sighed, tossing Sanji over his shoulder with a surprising lack of protest, stepping over body by unconscious body. “Back to the boat, a nap, and then we’ll talk.”

A nap sounded good, too good. Maybe Sanji could let his worries of appearance fall away for a moment, just to be at rest in Zoro’s arm, even if it meant dangling uncomfortably over his shoulder. There was something nice about it.

-----

Soft linen on a mattress can remind a man of the inside of his suits, the way that he sewed them together himself and brought them to his fellow cooks, proud smiles and youthful eyes. He would repair every cook’s jacket from that point on, not because he asked to, but because they would ask him. Truth is, Sanji loved mending things, just as much as he loved cooking.

He’d woken up with the sun, found Zoro’s pants from the previous day, and begun sewing small rips in the fabric throughout the morning. The swordsman was asleep on a chair, no surprise, Sanji knew well not to bicker about when and where the man could catch rest.

It was sweet to realize Zoro gave him the space of the bed, that he stayed by Sanji’s side overnight. How could he not feel some way about it? Every stitch tied up his heart with it, Zoro’s pants just needed to be mended, that was all, right? Nothing else, never anything else.

Sanji’s mind burned as the other slept next to him. He needed answers, he’d fallen asleep propped over the man’s shoulder, he could only remember how well the scuffle went, brutal but quick, admirable. He was so focused on finishing up the last stitch that he didn’t notice Zoro rise from slumber to observe the room.

“Sanji,” It was particularly forward, Zoro saying his name, it always sounded so much different than the little nicknames they’d created for one another. Sanji’s head snapped to look over, Zoro kept speaking, “How did you sleep?”

“Good,” Sanji was a few moments from being convinced Zoro was ignoring what had happened, everything said.

The silence hung.

Zoro spoke again, “Did you mean everything?”

Sanji felt stiff, creaking wood alongside the seat he perched on, “I- I did, yes.”

“You made it sound like I’d be a failure if I loved you back.”

He hadn’t thought of it that way, he just didn’t think Zoro would get distracted by love.

“Do you think I’m that shoddy at what I do, that you would distract me?”

Sanji felt his chest cave in. Just for a moment. Just until a hand was on his face, calloused but so gentle.

“You may have caught me up here and there, but Sanji,” Zoro wouldn’t let their eye contact break now that he’d made the connection. He looked like he was holding one of his precious things, worth keeping from getting scathed, worried over Sanji’s exhausted features from capture, “Ever since I fell in love with you, I have found something more than pride to fight for, I will never give up my goal, but that must not mean giving up you.”

He couldn’t get a single word out, not for any lack of space to speak but the sheer inability to muster a sound. Sanji could feel his voice grappling with his tongue, his mouth refusing to move, his eyes watering, pouring, he was crying. In front of Zoro, too, how awful. How sweet the hands that wiped away the tears, patient the man they belonged to, waiting for Sanji to come back to reality.

“You mean it?” Finally, words came from the cook, feeling more useless than ever in such a strange way.

Zoro laughed, smiled, and pressed a kiss to his forehead, his tearstained cheeks, kissed him with the fire of a man who didn’t know how to get I love you to dance off his lips, just how to wrangle a hand into someone’s hair and breathe them in. How long had passed? A minute? An hour? Sanji could’ve gone for days, weeks, but Zoro had to break away to breathe, “That a good answer?”

Again, useless, red-faced, Sanji was lost in adoration, dripped into his voice with a sweet and simple, “That- That works, yeah.”

[stevie-petey]

Hello! I just wanted to start off by saying I LOVE your Come Home series and your writing with it. It has inspired me in so many ways, and in all honesty, I’ve enjoyed it more than I have actually watching Stranger Things! I cannot wait to see where you take the book, and how you navigate whatever comes with season 5!!!!

I was also wondering, how have you found so much success with this series on Tumblr, and do you have any tips for growing fics in general? It has gained so much popularity and I am so happy to see it because you totally deserve it, your hard work is paying off so good!

Have a great day or night,

Anon 🦋

hi dear !! first of all, thank you so much <333 i appreciate the kind words so much and i adore you for being so supportive :’)

long post ahead !!

as for how come home managed to become what it is now: i truthfully cant really say. it still amazes me that its so popular now, but even then i dont necessarily consider it “popular” in my head lmao shes just my lil story !!

i want to start off by saying i never intended for come home to become such a well loved fic. i uploaded the first chapter simply because i wanted to, i liked what i wrote and hoped someone would like it as well. never did i think “cool ok this fic will def become an overnight sensation”.

honestly, one day i was averaging maybe 60 notes per chapter and then the next day i was suddenly averaging 300-400. the fic quickly took off before i could even really process it, and i want to emphasize that this is rare !! so so so incredibly rare. i got lucky, thats all there really is to it :/ sometimes amazing stories dont get the recognition they deserve and sometimes they do. i have personally written fanfiction for 10 years now and i never once had a fic “blow up” how come home did.

i also want to say how fucking grateful that my story managed to find its own community and become this amazing thing. every day i cannot believe any of it is real and i genuinely love and adore each and every person who reblogs and recommends the fic.

what i CAN say is that tags help !! ive noticed some new authors dont know how to tag their fics, which can really diminish their reach. for tumblr, the first five tags are the most important. these are the ones that show up on dashboards !!! i think what also helped me was having a very clear and concise story structure with pretty frequent updates. im fortunate to be able to write and upload a lot faster than i probably should (it concerns many but i find it funny).

and lastly i also just think its super important to interact with everyone !! answer all the asks, reblog all the responses, reply to every comment. i firmly believe its the least i can do if someone has taken the time to read my story and found time to say a quick praise or simply tell me they laughed :)

at the end of the day, its a game of luck and perseverance if anything else, but the general creator rule of thumb is that you should never create something just for the notes/reblogs/praise. create for yourself, create because you WANT to !!! its a slippery slope keeping track of clicks and hit and whatever. i stopped keeping track of come homes own traction because i simply dont care enough to follow it. im happy where i am and i love how the story has grown :)

hope this helped a bit and that ya enjoyed my rambles <3

[acaciapines]

hiiiiiii bestie hiiiii hiiiiiii hiiii <3

no one else is asking so I will take one for the team. well maybe someone has asked but I will ask again if not. can you please tell us abt how kris and noelle meet in the drk au, and noelle’s uh. reaction to seeing dess again when she thought dess was dead? and ig by extension, kris. not sure if this is getting into spoiler territory so feel free not to answer or be as vague as you want :p

am also interested in hearing more abt ralsei and susie in this au. Please

have we talked abt this a bit? definitely. but the ppl on tumblr should hear it also and I like hearing abt it smile

hii hi hi <3

i do not know how much of this will be new for you but it will be new for everyone else so LETS GO!!!

NOELLE AND KRIS

okay so. i think i've mentioned this in other posts before, but the whole event that starts off everyone finding out dess and kris arent actually dead is that kris dives into a dark world! theyre trying to close a dark world like dess does, because they think that maybe!! that way!! dess will come back and be proud of them and love them and then she wont leave so much! because kris can close dark worlds too, see? now they can go with her!

they tell this to frisk, swear frisk to secrecy, and then! vanish lol they're Gone. the way dark worlds work here also isnt fully solid but im treating them sort of like mystery dungeons in pmd, so they dont fully follow the laws of like, physics and the like which means that even tho where kris lives is Very Far from hometown, noelle, susie, and ralsei are still able to get to the same dark world from hometown!

do not ask me what this dark world is like. i have No Idea. probably somewhat inspired by kris's life but i have not gone so far as to plot it out lol. the important part is that susie and ralsei split off from noelle (like in cyber city) and so noelle ends up running into kris, who has not only gotten lost but is in WAY over their head lol, so she saves them and kris begrudgingly agrees to stick with her. they totally couldve done this on their own. theyre sticking with noelle for her own safety. and noelle is just like yeah sure lol.

while traveling through the dark world together, noelle and kris have no idea who the other is! not only do they not really remember each other (noelle has a few vague memories, kris was even younger when dess took them so they dont remember anything at all), but they've both grown up a lot and in kris's case are fully presenting as a monster. they bond a bit over both being deer-monsters!

they cant fully communicate, tho...kris would be nonverbal throughout this entire trip and since noelle never grew up with kris she doesnt know monster sign language. she might remember a few words from her childhood but not enough to understand kris and even if she did she is a stranger so kris wouldnt sign OR speak to her anyways lol. but they do help each other out and close the dark world together! they come out in hometown and noelle promises to help kris find their parent cause they did Not mean to come here lol, and that is when! she checks her phone and shes gotten a text from toriel about a missing kid, and she's like....hey so uh i think your parent might actually be at my house lol wanna come by.

(while kris was stuck in the dark world, frisk got Very Worried and did eventually spill everything to chara, and thats how chara and frisk end up in hometown desperately trying to find kris! they come across toriel who helps them out and thats why they're at the holiday-dreemurr house).

and so things are all fun and fine until noelle and kris get back to noelle's house, and go inside, and kris is reunited with chara, and when that happens toriel sees this child and is like. holy shit. is that my dead kid.

and the fic would end there lol! (in my head this is a series, so, it would span multiple fics) another fun thing is this is the moment where noelle learns kris's name--so it wont really be a surprise for the audience cause i feel like most people could catch on that this is kris (remember up til this point we only follow noelle and the hometown crew, so we think dess and kris are dead), but if you didnt...

NOELLE AND DESS

honestly i dont know how noelle would react... i feel like she wouldnt have as big a response as everyone else! to her dess is less a person and more like, the story she's told as to why she cant do all the same things her peers do, why her mom + stepmom are so overprotective, why asriel stayed behind instead of going to college...dess loves noelle but noelle is like literally who are you. so when dess tries to like, bond with noelle, noelle doesnt want this...she grew up without a sister and that bond isnt going to form again! she doesnt know who this woman is!

its. very hard for dess needless to say. and for kris who sees how much dess is investing in noelle and theyre just like. okay well why was she never like that with me. which then leads to tensions between noelle and kris, which pushes kris to make some Very Bad Choices, and and and. plot <3

RALSEI AND SUSIE

actually the relationship ive thought about the least if im being honest. but i was talking about them to you last night and i think that like...there IS a level of antagonism that doesnt exist in deltarune canon. ralsei is trying to hard to stick to the prophecy, and when susie in this story's version of chapter one ignores it to be a villain with lancer, that hits A LOT HARDER in a world where from the very start the prophecy is being broken (since its two monsters who fall lol)

plus ralsei is also dealing with a lot of feelings shes never felt before--jealously, envy, not being able to just ignore her dysphoria anymore...shes a lot more aware of her crush on noelle and so noelle having a crush on susie isnt helping...

LIKE THEY ARE FRIENDS i think ralsei feels a LOT of guilt about all of this, and when its just her and susie things are good! they make sense!!! susie makes her wanna BE things wanna feel like maybe these things she feels are okay...but then everything always comes crashing down and its. bad again.

annnnnd thats all i think!! as always anybody can ask for follow ups. i'll spoil this entire au lol im sure things will change as i write it and besides. this is gonna take A While so when i do post it in like 2026 yall wont remember what i said here lol.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey, cas

so, i kind of wanted to rant a bit, but theres a few things in here i know could get people riled up so honestly im a little nervous sharing this. i also want to preface it by saying that i am NOT hating on any fics i name here, they are just well-known examples and fics that the fandom hold close

as a fic writer myself, i love adding my own little headcanons to characters. sometimes theyre hcs ive seen from someone else and loved, and other times ive thought of them myself. in the latter case, ill often then see that someone else thought of it too, which is really cool!

but then there comes the hcs that people see and think "oh! thats from x fic!" for example, if you bring up dyslexic remus to most marauders fans, theyre gonna talk about atyd. ive never read the fic myself, its not my taste, but ive heard a lot of things about it and it does honestly sound like a great fic so genuinely no hate towards it. but i hc remus as dyslexic and i did so before learning that atyd has dyslexic remus, and any time i consider putting that hc into one of my fics all i can think about is that people will see it and talk about atyd. maybe theyll say i was copying or stole the idea. maybe theyll compare the two and decide the way i depict it isnt as good. maybe ill end up accidentally using a similar or the same thing for remus to have aiding him, for example a spell or something one of his friends do, and ill be told im plagiarising, and i absolutely hate that.

another example is best friends brother. its such a well known fic in the fandom that anyone who writes anything similar is going to be compared to it. or crimson rivers; anyone who writes a hunger games au (even if its not even remotely similar to cr) is going to be told theyre trying to copy. i love both bfb and cr but i wish people could accept that two writers can have the same idea without copying or trying to recreate/steal it

one of my current ongoing fics has the same central trope as another big fic in the fandom (i dont want to reveal which, because i dont want to risk being de-anoned) and i went out of my way to avoid reading the big fandom fic until ive finished writing my own because im so terrified that if theres even a single vague similarity i might get called out and told im copying

i want to say im just being paranoid, but i cant. i hate that the fandom has come to the point where authors have to bring something out that absolutely noone has ever done before ever just so that they dont get told theyve taken the idea from someone else. even if they had, its perfectly normal and fine to be inspired by an idea to make it your own! obviously actual plagiarism is not okay and should be called out, but theres a difference between plagiarism and just having a similar idea or hc

going back to my original point (because this was where my frustrations with this started) i hate that dyslexic remus will always be seen as an atyd thing, when it isnt. again, no hate to the fic or the author, this isnt an attack on them at all, its just unfortunate that the fandom has kind of taken it so much as canon that anything will always be compared to it, if that makes sense?

tldr: let me have dyslexic remus without telling me im copying atyd! let me have him use magic or have his friends do little things to help him without telling me i stole it from atyd!

sorry about that cas haha, i realise its a bit long. it just really really frustrates me to no end, yknow?

Hi!

Yes, I can definitely see what you're saying. I think if something is inspired by another fic (i.e. you read CR and then you're like...oh, I wanna write a Hunger Games AU) it's good to give credit where it's due by saying "inspired by x." But in a fandom with thousands of fics, the same ideas are bound to come up even without having read other fics. If people accuse you of copying and you genuinely haven't, I would just let them yell. People are always going to have negative things to say, you know?

[fee-phy-fo-fum]

heromari hades/persephone-inspired au bc i needed to write it out somewhere but cant quite prose it rn

details under the cut. just a warning, it gets. long.

basil (god of flowers n growth, "of the golden throne") n aubrey (goddess of war n courage, "the unyielding") live in the forest.

hero (god of healing and music, "love-giver") and kel (god of travel and camaraderie, "of the people") live in the city, amongst the humans.

mari (goddess of knowledge and judgement, "the all-seer") rarely rests, oft roaming from place to place when not at the entrance of the abyss (essentially the equivalent of afterlife) overseeing souls and their fates

within the abyss dwells the twin gods of creation and destruction - sunny and omori (known as "the beginning" or "the end", depending on context). who is who? both are both, both with the ability to create and destroy.

the story starts w mari gone. poof! disappeared! all the other gods (except sunny n omori bc no one actually knows where they dwell and theyre isolated sad sacks) search for her bc fabric of the universe and balance and literally watching the abyss entrance! what are all the souls gonna do w her gone?

("all the other gods" involves a wider cast that i am not coming up with rn.) also. gods living in the same area would know each other better. kel knows almost everyone hence hero knows almost everyone. most (mortal n immortal alike) are mildly wary/scared of mari.

anyway. everyones searching for mari. the abyss is deep and dark and has areas where it sorta... leaks through to the rest of the world (like black space n headspace). hero stumbles upon one of the entrances and falls.

now a very important distinction is that sunny, mari n omori have wings bc u need wings to fly above the dark waters of the abyss w/o being consumed/tainted by it. kel has little winged shoes (like hermes) but otherwise no one else (of the main cast at least) can fly.

so hero falls. at least, until something - someone - dark swoops in and carries him to safety.

"you should be more careful!" a bit of light laughter and a boop on the nose. "the abyss isnt forgiving!"

his savior returns back to the abyss before hero can say anything in return - not a word of thanks, an ask for the others name or anything.

three guesses who this savior is and the first 2 dont count (its a heromari-probably-fic. no duh its mari)

anyway. hero goes back to some god meeting and reports that he found nothing and apparently fell into the abyss. someone mentions that no one has searched the abyss yet and that mari could be there.

no one wants to go to the abyss. for good reason!

so!

guess who gets sent on the abyss-searching mission! kel bc wings, hero bc he fell there, aubrey just in case theres something bad, and basil bc... aubrey said she would fall n demanded someone who could make something to walk on whom she also trusted.

and so the team sets off to the abyss! they enter through the main entrance and its dark and damp and they did not bring a light sourc- nevermind aubrey literally glows with rage and kel literally glows with happiness too

hero gets lost again, first within the upper cavern system. then he falls out of the cave system.

mari catches him again and makes the "are you falling for me" joke

they chat a bit and then mari walks him back to where everyone is freaking out looking for him and then she disappears.

hero tells them about how theres a potential new goddess of the abyss that saved him. no one is impressed bc the abyss is literally the opposite of like. everything the gods stand for. aubrey decides he just doesnt want to admit he got lost. kel thinks he's screwing w them bc what older sibling doesnt screw with their younger sibling?

hero sulks for a bit n they continue searching for mari

then! they find this little... floating.... castle?? but by floating, they mean like. upside down.

"Well!" Kel says. "This is what we brought Basil for!"

"Yeah, flower boy," Aubrey smirks, shooing a protesting Basil towards the edge of the cliff. "Do your thing."

guess what. hero slips and falls.

cue screaming.

mari swoops in and catches him, whispers in his ear "we have got to stop meeting like this"

they do not stop screaming, seeing mari as a threat.

now, hero still does not know that the stranger saving him is mari because hes kinda. smitten. lovestruck. whatever. also bc mari looks different than she used to. perks of being reborn from the waters of the abyssal river ig

aubrey demands to know if mari has been following them. mari says something to the extent of "not intentionally! its hard to not know when you see everything in the realm"

(emphasis on "in the realm" because the abyss is distinctly a different realm from like. the rest of the world. hence mari doesnt know how long shes been gone/the search efforts to find her)

a moment of silence. mari awkwardly goes "uhhh did you think the all-seer was just a nickname? its not. not really."

see all this couldve been solved if hero wasnt a pan disaster and asked mari for her name the first time he fell into the abyss. aubrey points that out, unamused.

basil asks mari if she lives in the castle.

she says its complicated! and that maybe its easier to just show them.

kel tells her that every god's been searching for her and she should come back.

she says its also complicated! all the more they should head to the castle!

to the castle! inside of it is first, a carpet of red hands. next, a throne of red hands. everyone is understandably creeped out, w the exception of mari, who rolls her eyes and scoffs at the dramatics

she knocks on the throne of red hands.

sunny/omori answers the door (?)

anyway it boils down to: the abyss is no place for a god. it sucks out the energy and consumes it, until the god is nothing but a husk. that was exactly what happened to mari, w how often she visited sunny n omori, and how close she stayed to the abyss.

(omori gestures at a skeleton next to them. it bears a disturbing resemblance to mari)

so! twin gods of creation and all, sunny n omori remade mari with the remnants of her spirit/soul/whatever and the waters of the abyss so that she would be able to like. survive there.

anyway. reborn from the waters of the abyssal river, mari looked a little more like a biblically accurate seraphim than what she used to look like. (six wings and six eyes on each wing. plus one eye in her hair. yes thats a thing)

so, sunny n omori check up on mari and they're like. okay! you are probably not in danger of your form collapsing into nothingness anymore. you can go. probably. you need to eat something from the overrealm to be able to remain there tho bc ur more abyss than overrealm.

mari takes thaat in stride. everyone else is horrified.

see. i cannot write romance. this is an issue bc presumably after this, they all go back up to the overrealm - hero gives her a cookie, mari promptly tries to outbake him - and then explain stuff to the other gods.

hero n mari are in love. it is very mutual. they get together. this is vague bc, once again, i cannot write romance

mari asks how hero feels ab marriage. hero likes the idea but also mari is mostly abyss. mari has a solution. the solution is to drink abyss water. hero is a fool in love and accepts.

they live happily ever after. the end.

[pancakehouse]

ARCHAEOLOGIST DREAM FIC my favorite i cannot wait tell the audience about it pls pls pls

but also, for me, i have to know...what is in "literally shut up"

hiii emmy em love of my life em!!

(someone else asked about the archaeologist dream fic HALLELUJAH so i'll give my obnoxious drawn-out dramatic pitch for it there, but think everyone should know it would not exist as an idea without you!!!! it would simply be buried (ha! archaeology pun!) in my subconscious forever. you gave me purpose.)

okay 'literally shut up' is ... hahahaha. god. goodddd.

it is essentially this:

remus is a poolboy. sirius is a wealthy, stressed-out owner of an incredibly filthy pool. is it destiny or...is it maybe just the ripped-off plot of a cliche 90s porn film? who's to say!!!

i feel as if the title of this wip should be obvious by this point, but if not it is Past Me telling (quite rudely) Current/Future/All-Versions-Of Me to literallyyyyy shutttttt UPPPPP.

think i'm prob still gonna write it though :// how embarrassing for me!

[demadogs]

assign an older teen therapist to each younger teen

younger teens (el mike max will dutsin lucas)

older teens (nancy robin jonathan steve eddie argyle)

base it purely off comparability not cannonness

ooo this is fun!!

ok i did almost all of these and then went back up to your message and saw that you said base it off compatibility not cannonnes and i didnt do that at all i based it entirely on the trauma theyve been through and why this person could help them. my b. but for most of these i cant really imagine the kids accepting help from anyone else.

jonathan is a therapist to mike

i really love the idea of jonathan having a big brother moment to mike regarding his internalized homophobia. jonathan just knows exactly the right things to say to someone struggling with his sexuality and i think he could tell mike things that he really really needs to hear. will has jonathan but i think mike truly believes he has no one that he can talk to about it. hes not nearly as close to nancy as jonathan and will are and i think hes sure that will is straight and doesnt wanna talk to him about it because its too close to telling him his feelings. jonathan could pick up on his feelings the way he did with will and tell him that theres nothing wrong with him and that its ok. i just read a great fic about this. highly recommend.

steve is a therapist to max

this is inspired by the fact that max wrote a letter to steve. he was the only one of the older kids that she wrote to. i think she sees him as the big brother she wished billy could have been. hes protected her from her abuser. he lied when billy showed up to pick up max in s2 knowing that he was dangerous and tried to get him to leave and keep her and all the kids safe, and then he (tried) to beat him up when he got in. i think hes done things for her and the other kids that he doesnt think twice about but it makes her feel so safe and close to having a sibling relationship like letting them into free movies through the back door at the mall and giving her free ice cream and having dumbass moments that she bickers with him over (“is he- is he a vampire :0” “it was a metaphor -_-“). he wouldnt even need to have big serious talks with her, just his presence is therapeutic for her.

robin is a therapist for will

i think this reason is pretty self explanatory. im giving her to will instead of mike because i think will is a lot closer to the stage of self acceptance that robin is in than mike is so she’d be better for will. itd be so great for will to be around a happy confident queer person. they would make fun of straight people together (mostly steve) and have so much fun doing it.

nancy is a therapist to dustin

ok dustin is hard because i wanna say eddie but i think the biggest reason he needs therapy is because of eddies death so that cant really happen. hes always been relatively chill given everything hes been through but now hes in a completely different head space. a lot of them have experienced some kinda loss but this is the first time its happened to him. i think nancy, the only other person who lost their best friend, would be good for dustin and honestly good for nancy too. she still has a lot of trauma and guilt because of it and i think they both need someone who knows what its like. but nancy is years after her loss and dustin needs someone to tell him it gets better.

eddie is a therapist to el

this is a weird as hell pairing, i know. i was gonna give eddie to dustin but no can do and i really dont think argyle can do any good for her but i think it would be cool for her to be around someone like eddie. someone who completely embraces being a “freak” and would never let anybody tell him what to do, unlike el who as owens said has spent way too much of her life being told what to do. he could also be a great one for mike. i think he kinda was a bit because he inspired him to grow his hair out, wear cooler clothes that feel more him, and get back into dnd and stop pretending he grew out of it.

ok im gonna bend the rules a bit because i think lucas deserves way better than argyle (no offense argyle)

steve is also a therapist to lucas

this is inspired by the fact that no one showed up to his basketball game except for steve. he already graduated and he didnt really look pleased with his date and he couldnt sit with robin bc shes in band but he still went. i think its hard for anyone to be a therapist for lucas’ situation with max not knowing if she’ll wake up but steve might be a nice familiar presence and he was there when she first was tranced and i think he’d be comfortable talking to him about it.

and argyle is a therapist to erica

i think erica thinks shes above the concept of therapy. i say this because of the way she so confidentially said she doesnt have phobias and is alarmingly calm about the whole russian fiasco. all she cared about was getting back to tinas. she needs someone that wouldnt really treat like therapy at all which would be perfect for argyle because he’d be like “bro this mind fight is trippy and you were in that super bad dudes house are you good?” he wouldnt be good for anyone but her.

i spent an absurd amount of time on this.

[therenlover]

Therenlover’s Official Fanfic Glossary!

Hey hey hey! This is the place where you can find all my up-to-date fanfics linked nicely, read about what projects I have upcoming, and learn what requests I’m taking at the moment! Cheers!

This post is massive so, for the sake of your dash, everything is under the cut

A NOTE ABOUT REQUESTS!

I will do my best to fulfill any requests I get while my ask box/requests are open! That being said, I cannot promise every request will get done, and that if they do, they’ll be done in a timely manner. I’m currently working on a long-form project that needs a lot of time and energy to come out consistently, so unless I’m doing a writing event most of my writing juice will be focused on that. That being said, if you want something ask! The worst I can possibly do is direct you towards someone else who might be able to write what you want if I cant.

If I choose not to do your request based on personal preference (it makes me uncomfy/I don’t write for the character at that time/I don’t feel I can write what you want/etc.) I will do my best to contact you and let you know! That being said, if you think your ask got buried/forgotten, feel free to message me again and let me know, but please tell me when you message me if I should be looking for a prior request.

Characters/Fandoms I will write for currently

 💙 = I’m Currently Super Inspired To Write For This Character

Marvel/X-Men

Bucky Barnes

Loki

Peter Maximoff 💙

Pietro Maximoff

Helmut Zemo 💙

Hank McCoy

Ralph Bohner 💙

Vision

American Horror Story

Tate Langdon

Kit Walker 💙

Kyle Spencer (Pre- and Post- Death)

Jimmy Darling 💙

James Patrick March 💙

Kai Anderson

Fallout 4

Nick Valentine

Hancock

Star Wars

Poe Dameron

Armitage Hux 💙

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo

Finn

Han Solo

Assorted/Random

Diarmuid Ua Duibhne - FGO

Cu Chulainn/Cu Alter - FGO

Warren Lipka - American Animals 💙

Enjolras - Les Miserables

Grantaire - Les Miserables

Gabriel - Supernatural

Imagines - REQUESTS CLOSED

Songs From Musicals Y/N Would Sing To The Evans

Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

Rating: T

How The Evans (+ Quicksilver) Would React To Yoplait’s New Gushers Yogurt

Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Rory Monahan, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

Rating: T

Would The Danny Bunch Survive A Holiday With My Family?

Characters: Laszlo Kreizler, Alex Kerner, Niki Lauda, Andrea Marowski, Ernst Schmidt, Helmut Zemo

Rating: T

Headcanons - REQUESTS CLOSED

Modern! AU Armitage Hux Boyfriend Headcanons

Zemo With A Well Dress S/O Headcanons

Zemo Getting Jealous Headcanons

Oneshots - REQUESTS CLOSED

Marvel/X-Men

Helmut Zemo

One Last Night In Madripoor

Synopsis: Baron Helmut Zemo is a lonely, wanted man looking for some fun, you’re a piss-poor bounty hunter in search of a connection before leaving your life of crime behind, and fate has brought you together at a party the likes of which has never been seen before. You only have one night left in Madripoor, so why not take a chance?

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 4200~

Still Some Catching Up To Do

Synopsis: As a member of the criminal underworld, people walk out of your life all the time. Some are killed, others kill themselves, most get caught and only a couple get out of the life unscathed, disappearing into the world never to be seen again. Very few walk back in. So when your supposedly incarcerated ex-lover, the Winter Soldier, and the Falcon waltzed through your door and made you murder your boss, needless to say, you were surprised and more than a little bit pissed.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 6800~

Nine Years Starved

Synopsis: It had been a little over nine years since Helmut Zemo lost his family, his country, and his sanity. Nine years since his last kiss. Nine years since he felt like a human man. Finally, he was ready to start over again, but first, he had to pay his penance back where it all began; Novi Grad. That’s when, by the grace of the fates, he met you.

Rating: G

Word Count: 7000~

Daddy Dearest

Synopsis: Not everyone gets lucky enough to go from being a broke college student in New York to being the sugar baby to literal royalty, but not everyone is you. Most people would be worried about messing things up or losing him to someone else, but you knew he would never find another baby just like you. Besides, you knew exactly what to do to keep him wrapped around your little finger. He may have been the daddy, but you pulled the reins.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 8000~

In Fleeting Touches & Airy Sighs

Part One   Part Two   Part Three   Part Four

Synopsis: As a wanted man, Helmut Zemo spends most of his time jumping from place to place in the hopes of avoiding a trip back to prison. Unfortunately, that means he can’t always be home in your arms. When he is, though, in the rare moments of calm, you’re reminded of just how worth it it’s been to wait, even if that wait was only shortened by the arrival of your enemies.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 35,700~

Two Bodies In The Rain

Synopsis: It was raining the day you finally had to admit your feelings to Helmut. You hated to tell him the way you did, under the grey skies as your blood pooled below you, but at least you knew, in the end, he had seen the real you, even just once. That was enough.

Rating: T

Word Count: 5600~

Rest

Synopsis: Living life on the lam with your escaped super-villain lover means things rarely slow down enough for a real rest. When the exhaustion starts to take its toll on you, though, he knows exactly what to do to ease the pain. He may not be a good man, but he’s a good husband when it counts.

Rating: T

Word Count: 3200~

American Horror Story

Jimmy Darling

Red Nights In Jupiter

Synopsis: At the end of another long day, you fall into bed with Jimmy Darling. The men you served throughout the day don’t matter then, nor do the coins in the mason jar by the door, or the women scheduled to attend Jimmy’s next Tupperware party. No, in that quiet darkness it’s just you and the man you love, bone-tired and happy to be home. Who could ask for more?

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3000~

James Patrick March

Heartsick

Synopsis: When you fall ill, James is given a forceful awakening about how he’s been neglecting your needs and what he must do to prevent harm from befalling you again.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3700~

In Sickness And In Health

Synopsis: Normally people don’t have their wedding and funeral on the same day, but you and James don’t quite have a normal relationship, do you? Besides, you wouldn’t wanna go any other way.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 5500~

Fallout 4

Currently Empty

Star Wars

Currently Empty

Assorted/Random

Currently Empty

Long Form Works/Series

Young Artist!Zemo AU

Chapter One: The Boy With The Easel

Synopsis: About a month into your first semester at Novi Grad’s top university, you finally meet the strange young man that you’ve taken to calling “easel boy” in the back of a bookshop. From a distance, he always seemed cold and aloof. As you get to know him, though, you realize things aren’t always what they seem.

Rating: T

Word Count: 7000~

Till Forever Falls Apart (A Peter Maximoff/Reader Series)

Chapter One: Welcome Home

Synopsis: As if getting thrown through the multiverse, trapped in an attic (albeit a cool one), mind-controlled to manipulate his grieving sister, and subsequently dragged out of Westview “for his own safety” by the FBI wasn’t enough, Peter Maximoff has now been shipped off to New York to live with a glorified baby sitter like some tragic orphan in a comic book until they find a way to get him back home. Things are not always as they seem, though, and this change might just be for the better.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2400~

Chapter Two: The Doctor Is In

Synopsis: Peter’s first few days in his new home are mostly uneventful, so he decides it’s the perfect time to dust off his running goggles and steal some shit. The building with the massive circular stained glass window seems like a great place to start! People with buildings that lavish are usually rich and weak, so what could possibly go wrong?

Rating: T

Word Count: 2800~

Chapter Three: It’s Always Been You

Synopsis: After a month of adapting to his new universe, Peter Maximoff can confidently say that he likes his new life more than his old one. Sure, he misses home sometimes, but he’s been far too busy flirting with his new roommate to spend time crying over the things he’s lost. Everything is smooth sailing until a strange journal in his roommate’s study leaves him with more questions than he knows what to do with. Now he’s on a mission to discover who he’s really living with before she has the chance to turn against him.

Rating: T

Word Count: 8600~

Chapter Four: Before You Go

Synopsis: Peter, after days of contemplation, has realized that part of him loves Y/N no matter what she is or what she’s been through. Unfortunately, he can’t find her anywhere. When she finally returns home with the intention of leaving again, Peter realizes it’s his last chance to tell her how he really feels. Will he succeed, or will he fail to be fast enough once again?

Rating: T

Word Count: 4000~

Chapter Four And A Half: Gimme Swayze

Synopsis: Now that the issue of Y/N leaving is out of the way, and Peter has finally kissed her, he falls into the motions of learning how to love someone for the first time. It’s easier than he thought it would be.

Rating: T

Word Count; 2600~

Cakes For The Evans: A Blogging And Baking Adventure!

Kai Anderson’s Disaster Cake

Hey you! If you’ve made it this far down the list, thanks for supporting me as an author! I’ll be linking my AO3 here. I post everything there shortly before I post it here, and there are some older fics there you might enjoy along the way! It’s also easier to drop comments over there and I keep them open for non-members, so give me a shout if you liked what I wrote!

I love you all, you make me so happy, and without you support I would never be motivated to write! Cheers!

[alreadyblondenow]

One is a big number | Lee Taeyong

❤︎ Taeyong x female!reader ❤︎ Very fluffy, Smut, Smut, Tiny bit of angst, Highschool AU, Strangers to lovers, Love Alarm universe, Love Alarm au? ❤︎ 1/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry  One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: Under the universe of Love Alarm, you rang Lee Taeyong’s Love Alarm loud and proud and you as a new girl at the school, has his attention more than anything else. 

Word count: 7,682k

Warnings: Protected sex, loss of virginity, touching, teasing, making out, corruption, goodbye innocence, mentions of first base to home run, taeyong having a boner while kissing, all that high school exploring in bed while Taeyong’s parents are not home, Trusting an app regarding love, swearing, mentions of alcohol, mentions of other idols

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. This will be very fluffy because I wanted to start February on a light note. hehe. Also, this is inspired by First Love by NCT 127 under Loveholic’s single. It’s a good thing that I finished this before they announced that First Love is all about your first... love... hahaha so I had time to incorporate in more with my fic. As always, I enjoy writing for my Bubu. Happy reading! 

For NCT-WRITER’S FEBRUARY EVENT, LOVE ALARM @nct-writers​ 

Can you still remember your first love? The day you met and the day you realized you officially like that person? 

When that one person hold your hand for the first time? Did he kept you close and kept you warm? 

When that one person kissed you for the first time? How did it feel?

When you had your first fight, how did you fixed it? 

Do you remember the time when you realized that, that one person is slowly slipping into your hands?

When that one specific person broke your heart? 

Do you remember it?

It’s been over four years since Love Alarm has been launched and they’ve been using it for almost everything. The world seemed to have progressed a lot now that we have Love Alarm in our phones but did it really made our lives easier? Especially when it comes to love? 

Walking to school on a beautiful day, your first day as a transferee... what could possibly go wrong? As you enter the school premises, you see students holding their phones like they’re waiting for something or someone. Perhaps they’re waiting for someone to ring their Love Alarm? Who knows? 

“He’s here!” A rather excited student exclaimed and brought out her phone and grabbed her friend. You being the only clueless student right now turned your back too to see the man they’ve been waiting for.

He was like a celebrity when he stepped on the first few steps upon the school’s entrance. Lee Taeyong, a senior. Very good looking, smart, athletic, and voted junior prom king. He literally looks like an angel walking in the middle of the school’s entrance together with his friends who look liked angels too. Their Love Alarm rang so much as they walk in front of the new and old students, making fun of each other and having a bet on whose Love Alarm will ring the most. 

You looked at him. You looked at his face like you don’t already know that it’s impolite to stare at someone, but you still did because Lee Taeyong is handsome. And you’re not immune to his charms. What a good way to start school, you thought. It’s only the first day but you feel like you’re going to have a blast as long as you see Lee Taeyong around. 

From there on Lee Taeyong has become your crush and your heart thumps so hard whenever you ring his Love Alarm every morning like the other girls. For you, there’s no shame in ringing his Love Alarm, you’re glad it does that. At least you’re being honest to him in silence and let the alert from Love Alarm do the talking. But even though you ring his Love Alarm again and again and again, you never wish for him to ring your Love Alarm back, no. He deserves someone perfect like him. 

Day by day and whenever you see him around, you look at him to feed your heart and eyes then look away again and ignore him as if you didn’t ring his Love Alarm loud and proud. It frustrates him you know, but in a good way. He now recognizes you as the new girl who rings his Love Alarm every day but seems to don’t care about him enough. In other words, you’re not like the other girls. 

You know that good feeling when you go to school and you’re looking forward to seeing your crush even just for a few seconds? That’s what Lee Taeyong feels for you. With just a couple of weeks of ringing his Love Alarm, you had the man thinking about you and wanting to know you. Sometimes he can’t understand Love Alarm. He is completely sure that he likes you already and he is very interested in you, but he can’t ring your alarm. 

Have you ever had that good feeling when your crush is around and you are free to look at him no matter how long you want and whenever he caught you staring you just avoid his eyes? It’s like playing chicken but you’re both enjoying the game, he smiles at you and brings up his phone as if he’s telling you ‘Thank you for ringing my Love Alarm again’ and you just smile at him, completely clueless that he’s starting to flirt. 

“Why don’t you just ring her Love Alarm back?” Doyoung asked. 

“Cant. For some twisted reason, I can’t ring her Love Alarm. That’s why I can’t make a move and can only flirt back, I want to trust Love Alarm” Taeyong says, eyes completely glued to you but you don’t know that because you’re busy reading.

“Maybe you don’t really like the girl?” Doyoung blurted out. Lee Taeyong didn’t really want to admit it with his friend but maybe he’s right.

“The Lee Taeyong flirts back now huh? And to a new girl? Interesting” Johnny swings his arm to his friend and ruffles his hair. Teasing him for flirting back at you because he saw Taeyong smiled in your direction. 

“Am I not allowed to flirt?” Taeyong snorted and turned off his Love Alarm when he saw the place getting crowded already. “It’s senior year, I need to change” he added. 

“So changing your relationship status is a good start? Hmm. Okay, I agree with you on that. But don’t waste your time if you're unsure,” Johnny explains. But Lee Taeyong doesn’t care, he looks at you as you gather your books thinking of many ways to start talking to you and secretly wishing he can ring your Love Alarm back. But for now, he just can’t. 

While you were studying at the library, you can’t help but remember how Lee Taeyong thanked you for ringing his alarm.... he fucking thanked you, that must be something? He isn’t thanking every single person who rings his alarm, just you. You smile at that thought which you think is crazy but a girl can dream. Then again you remember that you’re studying and shook your head for the nth time to stop yourself from thinking about your senior. 

When you finally focused on studying and finished tons of school work, you didn’t notice that it’s already dark outside and that going home alone would be scary but you have no choice. You walk and walk and walk until you finally reached that scary alleyway you’ve been trying to avoid but it’s your only way home. 

“Hey- don’t go there” 

A familiar voice warned you before you can even start walking, you turned around and wish that you were wrong but you weren’t. It is as if the world heard you thinking about Lee Taeyong and the universe made you meet in an unexpected way. “It’s dangerous there, where are your friends? Is that your way home?” He asked the question like you two were close and talking already, his face looked cold but funny how he makes you feel warm. 

“Yes, this is the only way. Usually, I go home when the sun is still up but I have to study” you explain. 

“I have no choice then. Let me walk you home, my conscience will not let me sleep if I just let you-“

“I can take care of myself, I can easily call my dad. If I refuse your offer, will you still think about me?” You don’t know where the sudden bravery came from but you’re glad you did it.

He was completely shy, blushing and keeping his head down. And that’s the push that Lee Taeyong needed. He held out his hand and introduced himself properly like a decent person would and you did the same. Both hands are shaking because of nervousness but that’s understandable you both thought. “This isn’t how I imagined meeting you officially-“ 

“So you do think about me?” You further tease the blushing man and finally admits the truth and said, “Yes. I do think about you. A lot” it was silent for a few seconds before he started again, “I wish I could ring your Love Alarm too, you make me nervous you know that? Whenever I’m in school I look forward to seeing you, even just for a few seconds” he came closer to you as you grip your bag tightly and the butterflies in your stomach won’t stop flapping their wings when Lee Taeyong put strands of hair behind your ear so he could see you clearly under the lamppost light. 

Either way, you still let him walk you home and cherish every second you could have with your crush. You feel like you’ve won something like you’re winning this nonexistent race with the other girls, you feel happy for yourself. He told you about his day, you told him yours, he made you laugh, you make him shy for no reason. And when you and Taeyong finally reached your house, you exchanged numbers. Now you can tell that you’re winning something. His attention and interest.

“I hope I can ring your Love Alarm,” he says again, looking at you like it’s going to be the last thing he’ll do. 

“That’s fine, ring mine when you’re ready. We can’t rush romance, even when Love Alarm is involved” you watch him let out a small laugh and you think he’s so handsome even when he’s cute. 

“Usually girls get offended when someone they like can’t ring their Love Alarm, but you... you don’t mind waiting” 

You didn’t want to end the moment yet but it’s getting pretty late and he needs to go home too, you told him to stop flirting and go home safe so he can flirt with you some other time. And for the last time, just to wrap this wonderful night, he tilts his head and smiled so sweetly to you and told you ‘good night’ 

That moment you had with Lee Taeyong felt like a pretty damn good song but just like every song, it needed to end. But you will never forget about it. 

After that momentous night with your crush, Lee Taeyong has become a whole entire playlist and a well written album wrapped into one. Every love song you listen to was suddenly all about him he and the man was head over heels to you. He was texting you nonstop even during class, calling you after school and will probably end later at night, and getting the tiniest chance to flirt with you in the morning before you both head to class and meet again by golden hour to walk home together.

Not long after a week of flirting and getting to know each other more, he finally rang your alarm in front of many students in school accidentally. Your eyes went big and Taeyong was as shocked as you are. It was like you have this 10-meter radius for yourselves only and you were both giggling when your Love Alarms went off together. It was a happy moment, definitely one for the books. “Finally” he whispers, standing close to you, not caring if a lot of people are watching. Let them watch, Lee Taeyong thought. So they know you belong to each other now and you have Love Alarm on your side. 

“Are you free this weekend?” He asks while walking you home. 

“Free, but I have to study. What do you have in mind?” you answered as calmly as you could because you have a hunch that he’s going to ask you on a date. 

“Well, now that I can finally ring your Love Alarm, I want to take you out on a proper date” you knew it, “movies?” 

“Sounds fun, as long as it’s scary” he nods and took his phone out of his pocket. 

“Can I ring your Love Alarm again?” He requests which you gladly gave in and opened the app. You two waited for a few seconds for Love Alarm to work its magic. 

Waiting

Waiting 

Waiting

Until the number ‘1’ appeared on your screens and says “Someone within 10-meter radius loves you”. Taeyong sighed in relief and swing his arms around you for a hug and a kiss on the forehead. “That scared me” he admitted. 

Unconsciously, he doesn’t know what his hug and kiss can do to you. While his heart calms as he hugs you, yours is beating so fast like you just ran a mile. There’s that winning feeling again. 

On your first date, he took you to the movies and as promised the movie was scary. It was so scary that he had enough opportunity to hold you close and hold your hand the whole time. The moment your fingers intertwined, you felt some kind of electricity flowing in your body and the movie house suddenly felt warm. “I know, I felt it too” he whispers and went back to watching the movie. 

The next few days with Taeyong was something you’ve never imagine that will happen in your high school life. He has become the epitome of new things and first times. 

He is the first guy to hold your hand in public. Swinging it high, up and down, holding it tight, and he even kisses it whenever he feels like it. Not a day goes by that he didn’t hold your hand or kept you close to him ever since you made it official through Love Alarm. 

He is the first guy to sweep you off your feet, through his sweet words and gentleman gestures. “Can I flirt with you later?” he asks, putting a bottle of juice in front of you before he goes to his next class. ‘Flirt with you’ simply means he wanted to spend time with you before he walks you home. 

Still in your school uniforms, Taeyong brought you somewhere quiet where the river is calm, and just looking at it makes you calm your nerves too. “The sun feels nice, let’s watch the sun go down,” he says lying comfortably on the ground and enjoying the warm grass underneath his body. 

“How’s your day?” you sat beside him and Taeyong was quick to cover your legs with his school coat. He grunted while covering your legs as he remembers how stressful being a senior is. 

“Was having a bad day, when I talked to you earlier. School has been kicking my butt” he says and lies again beside you. “How about you? How's being a new student so far?” 

“So far so good, I have a handsome senior who just made my high school life more interesting” 

He handsomely giggles in front of you, so close that your lips are just inches away. “You’re flirting,” he says. 

“You said you wanted to flirt with me?” you bite back. 

“Mmm-hmm. Can I flirt a little differently today?” he came even much closer to you but you didn’t pull away because you know exactly what he’s talking about. 

And just as you expected, he kissed you. Softly. Holding your chin as he moves his lips on yours while the sun goes down. Your eyes were shut and all you did the whole time your boyfriend was kissing you is return the kiss and savor the feeling of being kissed for the first time. 

When the kiss was over, he did not pull away immediately but looked at your lips for a few seconds as if he wanted to kiss it again but even more fiercely this time but he knew this is not the right time for that. So instead, he kissed your nose and your forehead and flashed a sweet smile at you. Something that you will never forget like the kiss you just shared a few seconds ago.   

After that day, kissing became an everyday habit to you and Taeyong and you both love it whenever you get the chance to share a kiss privately. Well, he does kiss you in public, but those are nothing compared to the ones you share inside his room after school and his parents are not yet home. Lee Taeyong’s lips are simply addicting but little did you know that your boyfriend is even more addicted to kissing you. 

“Just one more kiss” he pulls you close to him begging for another kiss before he watches you go inside your house. “One more please” he pouted like the baby that he is. 

You crashed your lips on him and feel both of his hands hold the sides of your head so you won’t pull away from him so easily. But when you do, he simply asks for another kiss and then another other, until you’re basically making out in front of your house. 

“Mmm” he moans like he’s not planning to stop kissing you soon. 

“Tae-“ you giggle and tried pushing away and finally, he stopped. Lips swollen, slightly panting with a…. hard cock. 

“Sorry about that. I- I have no control over that, I’m sorry” he apologizes and tries to hide his boner. You let out a small laugh and fixed his ruined hair with a few pat. 

“You don’t have to be shy, I��m your girlfriend. See you tomorrow, okay? Go home safe!” you slowly walk towards your house, waving your hand goodbye until you see him walk away. 

Just like any new couple, you and Taeyong crave for each other in many ways. After exploring enough with kissing and teasing each other whenever one of you gets too turned on, soon you talk about different levels of physical intimacy freely without being awkward. 

Given that Taeyong is more experienced than you are because you’re a virgin, he knew exactly what to do when it comes to expressing his physical needs to you and making sure that he doesn’t pressure you with anything. 

“So how do I know if what base are we on?” you asked innocently. 

“First base is kissing. Open mouthed kisses, tongue- basically, the things I already did to you or the things we did already” he explains, hands on your waist as you both lie on your sides facing each other. 

“I’m guessing we're way past first base then” you smirked and made him shy. 

“Yeah. Way past first base” he smirked back at you and hovers on top of you. “The second base is more on touching” he emphasized the word ‘touching’ and better explain it by moving his hand from your leg up until he reaches your inner thighs under your school skirt and run up a finger on your slit unexpectedly which made you curl in no time and curse at him. Not because you didn’t like it, but because it felt good and he immediately stopped the teasing. 

You glared at him as if you’re telling him through your eyes to touch you again, be he just snorted and kissed your cheeks. “Don’t hate me. I’m just waiting for the perfect timing” he explains and enjoys how you’re so annoyed but horny.

You let out a sharp sigh and made him continue again. “Third base is giving head or fingering. Oh, you’re going to love third base” he teased you further by just using his words. You pushed him away from you playfully but your boyfriend is strong and caught your hands, “okay okay. Enough teasing, home run is having sex. And come on I have to get you home before I could no longer stop myself” 

He’s not lying because you see the growing tent in his crotch. He’s been stopping himself by teasing you. You sat up when he got out of his bed to change into some much comfortable clothes but when he got back, you teased him by putting on a show. Lifting your skirt slowly just before you reveal your panties and as expected, he stopped you. 

“Don’t tease me, I don’t have a condom right now” it was a warning but it sounded more like he’s begging. 

“I’m just joking” you kissed him on the cheek and got up from your comfortable position to fix your wrinkled school uniform before you head home.   

Tonight, you attend a party with Taeyong for the first time and his Love Alarm kept on ringing the moment he stepped into the room. 

Every day, Lee Taeyong rings your Love Alarm and you ring his too.... together with the other girls and quite frankly, you don’t know how long you can stand those girls who fantasize about fucking your boyfriend. He’s your own private buffet, for goodness sake. 

“Don’t drink anything unless I’m the one who gave it to you, okay? I’ll get you something- Doyoung!” he made sure you won’t be alone and called his friend before he leaves. 

“So you’re the lucky girl. Hi, I’m Johnny” he offers you his hand for a handshake and accepted with a smile. 

“Don’t mind Johnny, hi I’m Doyoung. Taeyong’s best friend,” you shake his hand and smiled at them, hoping that you don’t look awkward. They made small talk, asked you how you’ve been and how’s your Junior year going so far which you answered too seriously. Soon, you feel Taeyong’s cold hands on your shoulders and hands you a drink before he shoos his drunk friend Johnny away. 

It was a fun night, but it can be better if the other girls can respect your relationship. You wanted to snap so hard but instead, you focused on how Taeyong kisses your nape, shamelessly while you watch his friends play beer pong and he’s standing right behind you, hands on the front pockets of your jeans like he’s telling those girls he belongs to you. 

But the warm feeling was shortly cut off when they heard Johnny shouting and drunkenly pushing himself to walk straight so he could get a hold of his girlfriend. Everyone heard it. The words, “Johnny were through. I’m breaking up with you” were heard on every corner of the place even under loud party music. 

After hearing those words, you looked at Taeyong like you’re telling him through his eyes that you’re scared. But Taeyong and his other friends were quick to get Johnny and stopped him from making a scene. 

Everything happened so fast. One second Taeyong was beside you, but now you're in the middle of the place alone and watching your boyfriend and his friends carry Johnny outside. 

“Johnny didn’t ring her love alarm today,” Taeyong sits beside you after leaving you alone for a few minutes to talk to his friend. “And if he’s going to be honest he fell out of love. But he wasn’t ready to let her go and wasn’t sure about his feelings, he’s just being paranoid because he’s going to graduate soon” he let out a sharp exhale before he continues, “We're going to graduate soon. I guess Love Alarm caught him having second thoughts for her already” 

“Do you want to leave now?” you asked your boyfriend. He can only nod because he still feels weak about what happened to his friend. 

 The supposedly warm night with Taeyong became cold and quiet. Not because there’s something wrong with your relationship. But because you were both scared of the idea of breaking up. He wanted to tell you he saw the look in your eyes when you heard the words but he figured enough sadness for one night, wrapped his arms around you and told you “I will never let you go” and kissed you on your temple. 

Few days after the party is exams week so you and Taeyong didn’t see each other that much. But by the time it’s over, he waited for you outside the school and you know he’s the one waiting for you because he rang your Love Alarm. 

While walking to his house, it suddenly rained so hard that the raindrops hurt your skin. But instead of avoiding the rain, Taeyong pulled you in the middle of an empty street and kissed you under the rain. 

It was so sweet. 

His arms were perfectly wrapped around your body while yours is placed behind his lower back. You tiptoe unconsciously so you could reach him well. “I love you,” he says and lifted you off the ground effortlessly for a tight hug. 

“Here wear this” He left some clean clothes on his bed for you to change with while he puts your wet uniform on the dry cleaner. 

When you’re finally dry and clean, you cuddle with Taeyong in his bed wearing his big clothes and listening to the sound of rain with no lights on, but the gloomy sky outside. 

“I saw the way you looked at me the other night” he started. And you tighten your embrace to him as you remember the words and the whole scenario. 

 “I'm just scared and not because I’m doubting your love” you admitted. “I never thought about it you know. That things can go wrong someday-“

“No, no. Then I’ll love you, even more, every day. Don’t be scared please, trust my love” he says and kept you close by putting his legs on your thigh. His big hand is placed under your shirt, drawing small circles on your tummy to give you more comfort. 

“I’m guessing this is second base then?” you teased him to change the mood. 

“Do you want to proceed to that level? Hmm?” he rolls on top of you, teased you, and kissed your neck in a way that seriously turned you on in no time. 

“If you’re brave enough to do it, then go right ahead. I give you my full consent” you reached for his lips and kissed him deeply. You felt him smile during the kiss and also felt his hand slowly lifting your shirt or rather his shirt. Hands roaming your body like he never touched you before, squeezing your butt cheeks and kneading your clothed boobs. To be honest, he’s shy to put his hand inside your clothes but to his shock, you put yours inside his, bravely touched his body, and shamelessly put your hand inside his sweatpants and touched him. 

That made him swallowed his shyness and knead your unclothed breast under the shirt that you’re wearing. Brushing his fingers on your nipples softly, pinching them to make giggle. 

After a few minutes of intense touching, he was slightly tugging the sweat pants that you’re wearing and asked you, “Do I still have your consent if we proceed on third base?” He whispers oh so sexily beside your ear which made you remember what he told you, ‘you’re going to love third base’ and that is enough for you to nod and give him further permission. 

He kissed you on the lips, his way of saying ‘thanks’, and proceeds to lift your shirt and suck your nipples which made you moan his name and grip his locks so tight that he needed to reach for your hands and intertwine them with his. 

Lee Taeyong showed you who is in bed and you can't help but think that you’re the luckiest girl on Earth. 

“Hey, you okay? You’re spacing out, I think should-“ 

“Don’t stop” you moaned and grabbed his head for a deep kiss. You reach for his hand and made him knead your boobs while you kiss and grind on each other and in a matter of minutes you felt him putting his hand inside your panties while he distracts you with the way he kisses you. He flicks his fingers once and you curled immediately, legs wide open so he could freely move his hand. But soon his patience went thin and removed your panties, throwing it on the side of the bed before spreading your legs even more wider. 

“Do you like this side of me?” He whispers on the shell of your ear and bit it eventually making you tickle and giggle with parted lips. 

“I definitely do” you moan out. 

And for the main event under third base, he kissed your body all the way down until he meets your wet entrance. Kissing your inner thighs first before he proceeds to drive you wild with his tongue. 

First, he parted your wet folds, looked you straight in the eye, and licked you like you’re his favorite flavored ice cream. “Tae-“ is all you can moan out and decided to put your hands above your head and grab hold of his headboard. Which he didn’t like so he stopped and told you, “touch me, I like that” 

And so you did. Gripping Taeyong’s locks as he makes you feel good with his tongue. Putting a finger inside your cunt and flick his tongue faster together with his finger, making you cum in no time and crushing your boyfriend’s head with your legs. “Stop- stop” you cry out because of over sensitivity. “You weren’t going to stop eating me unless I told you so” 

He smirked and hummed because you’re right. He gave you a few minutes to catch your breath, taking that time to strip himself naked without you noticing. And when you finally came back from your high, he kisses your lower stomach and there you see your boyfriend all naked and really horny. 

“I want to have sex,” he shamelessly told you, touching your body with care while he waits for your answer. “Can we have sex?” he kisses you more like he’s persuading you. 

“Do you finally have a condom?” You asked with a smile. 

He did not waste any time and get the condom from his drawer, putting it on in front of you. Putting it on in between your wide open legs and very wet slit. 

“Put your arms around me,” he said and you followed immediately. He ran his protected cock on your wet slit, just to make him hard even more but the feeling for you is very different. You are very much aroused, very horny and it already felt good. So when you feel him poke your tight hole and slowly push in finally, your eyes shut close and feel every inch of Lee Taeyong’s cock go inside you oh so fucking slowly until he’s entire inside. 

He grunted and moan directly on your ear and told you, “virgin no more” and kissed you on your temple before he rolls his deep which made you both crazy and even more horny for each other. 

Your tight walls were so wet because of the foreplay that his cock was sliding in smoothly, hurting you good and stretching you right before he fucks you harder. 

“Fucking thin condoms, I feel like I’m fucking you raw,” he said in between thrust and rolling his tongue on your nipple, tugging and biting it as he pleases. 

When he sees you smiling through the pleasure and felt your body more relaxed, he put his mouth on your mouth and made you catch his moans as he fucks you harder and faster, enough for his bed to creak, your body to be dragged on the mattress and your nails to dig on his skin. 

He came hard and had a great orgasm, slowly thrusting deeper as he rides his high and showers you with kisses. Truth be told, he didn’t want to cum just yet but your tight walls did its magic on him.

The moment he pulls out to discard the condom, he went back to kissing your weak body and told you to “Calm down,” oh so sweetly, and eventually giggled when he saw you still breathing heavily.

“How can I calm down if you’re kissing me like that?” 

“Okay I’ll stop,” he says and pulled down your shirt to cover your exposed body, reached for your panties, and helped you wear them again then covered you with his thick sheets. “Better?” 

“Yes, thank you” you smiled weakly at him and watched him get dress again before he joins you under the covers.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, hoping that you’re okay. “Are you hurt somewhere?” 

“How many girls did you bring here before me?” You watch your boyfriend’s eyes get big upon hearing your question, “I’m joking. And no, nothing hurts. I’m just processing everything that happened. How about you? What are you thinking?” 

“I’m thinking about you, how I want you to be the last girl I have sex with in this bed” it was a joke because he only brought a total of two girls into his room. His first girlfriend and you. 

“Buy a new bed or I’m breaking up with you,” you said with a straight face but he clearly knew you’re joking. 

They say that being close with your partner emotionally, physically, and even sexually can strengthen a relationship. And right now, as you celebrate seven months of being in a relationship with Taeyong, you believe in that saying because you’ve been closer than ever after being intimate for the first time. In other words, the sex was a good way to strengthen your relationship. 

“Why do you love reading so much?” he asks, totally jealous over reading a good book rather than talking to him. 

Taeyong is busy nowadays because he’s graduating in a few weeks and he’s part of the prom committee because he has seriously good leadership skills. That’s why maybe he wanted more attention.

“Oh! I'm gonna miss you when you graduate” you pinch his cheek and sat closer to him. “Will you be fine being away from me?” You teased him but your question was serious. 

“No, I will not be fine. I will miss you every day- can we please talk about something else before I start crying?” he attacked you with kisses on the cheek but the moment was cut off when Johnny pullovers to fetch your boyfriend. 

“Have fun shopping for prom decorations with the boys rather than being in bed with me” you whisper to him while you both wear your bags and walk towards Johnny’s car. 

“I love you, go home safe, okay? I’ll call you as soon as we're done” 

During your walk alone, it felt nice to do something without Taeyong for once. Not that you wanted him to be gone, no. It’s just that nowadays, things have been becoming like a routine and less of a relationship. You go to school, see him before class starts, see him again after school, and go home together. Then you do it again the next day. Like you don’t have any more doors to unlock in this relationship. 

But what do you expect? You’re high school students. 

“Are you done studying?” 

“I can’t study tonight, my brain feels tired” you whine through the phone, eyes closed and thankful that it’s going to be the weekend tomorrow. “How about you?” 

“Well, Johnny accidentally broke a few lights so we need to fix it before we go home. I’m tired, I miss you” 

“Mmm. I’m tired too...” your voice was a little groggy. 

“And? Do you miss me too? Can I see you tomorrow?” 

“Tae, we just saw each other five hours ago and no, I want to enjoy my weekend by staying home and watching Netflix” 

“So you’re not having fun when we're out together?-“ 

“I never said anything like that” you opened your eyes because the conversation is getting pretty serious, “Don’t be angry, I just want some time for myself you know? We see each other every day, talk through text every hour, it’s like there’s no more room to breathe” you wish you can properly tell him what you’re feeling but those are the words that came out from your mouth. 

“Time for yourself, huh. Okay” and just like that, he ended the call. No ‘good night’ or ‘i love you’. And even though you’re sleepy and things escalated quickly, you heard the tone of his voice like a mixture of, annoyed and hurt. 

Instead of having a good night's sleep, you stayed up all night thinking about what you said to your boyfriend. Analyzing every word and repeating the scenario in your head, over and over again. If telling him what you want was wrong, then you don’t know what’s right anymore. 

On the next day, you sent him a few messages telling him that you’re sorry and that you didn’t mean to put it that way. You even told him you wanted to see him, hoping that he will finally get back to your messages. But still, he never replied. The whole weekend.  

Come Monday, you didn’t get to see Taeyong in the morning like you usually would because you and your friends did your group project together last minute. And the truth is, you’re starting to hurt because you feel bad for being honest even though you didn’t intend to hurt him like that. 

“I think you’re being too clingy” Doyoung protest to his friend during lunchtime.

“Girls love clingy boyfriends-“ 

“Well, unfortunately not your girlfriend. Give her some space, don’t make her all about you, you know?” 

“I just want every time I could get with her before I graduate. B-but, yeah. Now I’m giving her the time that she wanted for herself-“

“But you’re hurting her. She’s worried, she just wanted you to return her messages dude” Johnny pats his back and gave him the look like he’s saying ‘fix this before Love Alarm screw the situation further’ 

And while Taeyong is enjoying his lunch with his friends, you’re with your friends at the school bleachers watching the other sections use the field. Talking about hot boys, prom dresses, and what to do after prom.

“Did Taeyong asked you to prom already? Was it romantic?” you see the excitement of your friend as she asked you the question and see the others wait for your answer. 

“N-no. He hasn’t” the once cheerful faces were replaced by disappointment. Come to think of it, maybe he will not ask you to prom because of this stupid fight. You shook your head and returned the question to them and pretended that you care who’s taking them. But deep inside you envy them. 

School was always exhausted and you don’t know why you’re suddenly tired. Usually, after school and you meet Taeyong outside, you still have a lot of energy left. And maybe that’s it, Taeyong’s cheerful energy and happy aura are the ones recharging you after a day in school. That’s when you realized that you don’t need to push him away just so you can breathe.

Speaking of the devil, you see him leaning on Johnny’s car the moment you stepped out of the school grounds. Head down, hands inside his pockets, and waiting for you. 

The moment you stepped inside that 10-meter radius, his Love Alarm rang and he knew it was you. But the problem is, your Love Alarm didn’t ring this time. 

Taeyong didn’t notice it. Taeyong didn’t notice that your Love Alarm was silent. He still welcomed you with a tight hug, kissed your face one too many times, and said his sorry sincerely. It felt nice that you are now okay, he’s talking to you again and on top of that he apologized. Of course, you didn’t want to ruin that peace anymore and pretended that you’re not hurt.   

Few days went by and Taeyong hasn’t rung your Love Alarm and he’s too busy to notice it. Senior year is making him busy and you have nothing against that. Yes, you do miss him but he calls you before you sleep and quickly apologizes whenever he feels like he’s being a clingy boyfriend again. 

“N-no. Please, be clingy. I’m sorry for that night, I don’t know what I’m thinking” you sounded desperate but he doesn’t know why. 

“Okay, just making sure we don’t fight again” 

And few days before prom, he still hasn’t asked you yet while your friends all have dresses already and plans for that night. It sucks, but you don’t want to get mad at Taeyong for not asking you to prom because he’s busy. 

On a quiet afternoon after school, you’re waiting for Taeyong outside the school while reading a book, and page by page you digest every word just so you could stop thinking about prom. And just as you least expected it, your boyfriend asked you to prom on page 127 of the book that you’re reading. 

 “Will you go to prom with me?” -T.Y 

Then it hit you. You started reading this book on the day prom was announced so basically he asked you ever since day 1 and he has been waiting for your answer for weeks already. He just keeps on giving you more reasons to ring his Love Alarm loud proud, while you give him nothing to make him ring yours.  

“Finally. Hi” 

You didn’t know he was right behind you and his kiss brought you back on Earth. He was smiling handsomely and proud because his surprise worked on you, even though it took you a while to answer his question your reaction was worth it. 

“You know my answer Tae. And to be honest I thought you forgot about asking me” you finally admitted, but your lack of faith in him didn’t hurt him one bit. 

“Perfectly fine,” his arms swing around your waist and pulled you closer to him while you're sitting on the bench. “I’m free now and I don’t have prom committee duties. Can I flirt with you tonight?” the way he said it sounded just like old times, like the days when you were just starting as a couple. 

The flirting was continued in his room of course, with his thick curtains down, Netflix playing and hands intertwined the whole time. And after the movie, you two cuddled in bed with you on top of him and just listening to his heartbeat. 

“Does your heart beats for me?” you asked soft, hoping he would tell you the truth. 

“Of course, you’re my first love” true. Even though you’re not his first girlfriend, you’re the first girl he ever loved. 

“Your Love Alarm says otherwise Tae. I think I’m not giving you enough reasons to love me” you admitted. “You haven’t rung my alarm ever since our first fight” 

“W-what? Maybe it’s off?” He was panicking, shaking because maybe it’s true. With quick movements, he left you on his bed to get his phone then looked for your phone in your bag and opened the app to see if what you’re saying is true. 

His rang, of course, but yours didn’t. 

“Tae it’s okay- It doesn’t matter. You know you proved to me that you love me even if you can’t ring my Love Alarm” you went beside him and hugged him from behind. Feeling his frustration and anger to himself but your hug helps him a lot. “You tell and show me you love me every day. I can feel it in how you kiss me, how you treat me with respect and how you’re always patient with me. Come on it’s okay, don’t ruin your day” 

To make him feel better, you talked him out of his sulking and convinced him to go back to bed with you which eventually worked. You’re now sitting on top of him, grinding on his crotch, only wearing your panties and his hoodie. You can tell by the way he kisses you that he’s more than sorry about not ringing your Love Alarm and that makes your heart sad too because he didn’t do anything wrong.

“Let’s turn this night around,” you said before removing the hoodie that you’re wearing and making your boyfriend grip your boobs and play with your nipples while you kiss him and distract him as you undo his pants. 

“Clever” and finally he smiles and puts one of your nipples in his mouth, hands inside your panties and spreading your ass cheeks before he inserts a finger in your wet slit. 

After that night, Taeyong had a hard timing accepting that he can’t ring your Love Alarm again even though you told him so many times that it’s okay. Sometimes your conversation escalates too soon and he just ends up arguing with you. Soon fighting has become a weekly thing for the two of you whenever he brings up Love Alarm again. But that’s okay, couples fight and that’s normal. 

On prom night, you purposely did not bring your phone so Taeyong will not try to make your Love Alarm ring. It’s going to be a beautiful night and you didn’t want to ruin it for him. You danced with your boyfriend and went crazy with him on the dance floor, you dance with your friends and ate good food. In other words, you had a great time. 

And when the slow song started to play, everyone’s Love Alarm kept on ringing and people started to confess their feelings. It was amusing to watch and of course, you’re happy for them. But amidst that busy dance floor, that busy place, you and Taeyong had your own 10-meter radius and you don’t need Love Alarm to feel that you love each other. 

“I’m sorry for giving you a hard time these past few days” he started, swaying you under slow music and not caring what's happening around you even though people are very loud and excited. “Let’s stop using Love Alarm. That app lies. I know all too well that I love you and even though I can’t ring your Love Alarm, I sure know how to love you” 

“Mhmm. You do” oh you wanted to kiss him so badly but the teachers are looking. 

“You still love me right?” 

“Of course Taeyong. What kind of question is that?” 

“I know, I just want to hear you say it” he came closer to you and kissed you on your temple when the teachers looked away, “You look beautiful tonight” he added and dance with you more, looking straight into your eyes and thanking you secretly for liking him first. 

Now it's his turn to like and love you forevermore. 

[theobxhummingbird]

Little love. -Luke Patterson x Reader.

Summary: A few songs, to confessions and apologies.

Here are the requests:  Heya! If requests are still open, can I please request a JATP Luke fic where both him and the reader are alive, and Luke and the reader both write music but the reader is down because of family reasons and cant seem to write, so Luke writes a song for her to help inspire her and he tells her he had fallen for her and it’s super duper fluffy and cuddly and sweet at the end ✨🥺

Platonic! Alive! Reggie, Luke and Alex (jatp) x Reader where she is the youngest in the band and starts sleeping at the studio more and more? The boys get worried until they find out her dad kicked her out. Maybe soft Luke, Reggie and Alex protective older brother cuddles? Sorry this didn’t really make sense! 

A/N: I wrote songs for the imagine--seriously...🥺 Judge them, hate them, love them, I won’t be mad, because they’re ridiculous. Thank you to the requests and enjoy the imagine.

They could be heard from the street, and it made all the lights flicker in the neighborhood houses. The people were wondering what’s being thrown in the Y/L/N household, until everything was very clear to them. Together with a backpack, and her guitar bag, the door shut in front of Y/N’s face. Her chin touched her chest, and she started sobbing. Reaching for the backpack and the guitar, Y/N started walking away from the house. 

She was supposed to be at rehearsal on time, and the four boys were waiting for her. But they didn’t expect her to come inside so slowly, and quietly get behind the piano. They had written a song, and it was the first trying it with the instruments. Luke, Reggie, Bobby, Alex; they were all trying to do their best, while playing the piano, came as an escape for Y/N, and they couldn’t notice anything wrong with her. But they changed their view on her state, when she looked up at them; as her eyes spoke the language of sadness.

-Are you okay? –said Alex, holding her shoulder.

-Yes—I am—just wanted to tell you that I’ll write some music first then leave the studio, so leave me the keys.

-Here captain. –Reggie dropped them in her hand, and gave her a hug, as all three boys followed him, Luke hugging her a bit longer.

-You’ll be fine. –he said, and pinched her nose, before heading for the door. Was she? Y/N didn’t even know herself. Her chin rested on her knees, as tears flooded her eyes again. It was the first time she had ever argued with her parents, with the outcome of them getting way too mad at each other, and ending it with kicking their daughter out.

-Why me? Why do I always have to take the faultiness? –she cried into her knees. The night was long, and Y/N was alone in the studio. Only, now, lit by a lamp, she took out her journal, and a pen. She was ready to spill out everything into words, which was the best way of reminiscing the words of her parents. Believe in me; she wrote at the top of the notebook.

 “That night I heard, a broken voice from a bird, and by every word, I couldn’t feel no more.” She scribbled words and then sentences, until it turned into a complete song: “Believe in me, I’m not a lie, what I love is what I never hide. And those empty streets, that are filled with melodies, you’re hurting with your dissimilarities.”

-The morning came, and she wasn’t even aware, until a big shadow hovered over her, blocking the sunlight that was warming her face.

-Y/N, wake up. –said a soft voice, as it nudged her slowly.

-Guys? –she stared at Luke, Reggie and Alex. 

–What are you doing here—so—early?

-What are you, doing here so early? –said Reggie, -And why are you sleeping on the couch?

-I was—waiting for you and uh—had fallen asleep.-Oh—okay—then let’s get started with rehear- 

-Wait Reggie, wait. –said Alex, and the guy stood back on his spot, -You’re lying to us, I can see it in your eyes. It’s not the look, when you’re telling the truth.

-Something was up with you since last night. And I didn’t say anything to you, thinking an alone time is what you need, but I can’t pretend that I don’t realize those pleading eyes. –said Luke, and sat down next to her.

-My dad kicked me out of the house last night. –she said.

Reggie gasped, but Alex’s reflex was quick to shut his mouth, by putting his hand on Reggie’s mouth and giving him a glare.

-Why? Did you have an argument?

-He didn’t approve his seventeen-year-old daughter, to play in a rock band. I tried to calmly talk to him, but he started yelling. We’ve had a financial crisis at home for a long time, and he took it out on me making music. Why does he think I’m making music? Only because I think of myself and my dreams? No, I also do it to help my parents. To give them as much as they’ve given me. But he didn’t even listen to me; just threw everything we had in the house, then—kicked me out.

-Did you give them a call, or did they—give you—never mind. –started Alex, but then threw an arm around Y/N’s shoulder, to comfort her.

-Never mind, I’ll fix this myself. I have a song. I mean—if you want to read it.

Luke took her journal, and opened to the page she told him, and quickly moved his eyes through the lyrics, and smiled at the words, -It’s beautiful. We’ll try the music for it later. Alex engulfed her in a hug, followed by Reggie, then by Luke. She melted into the shield of the three muscular boys. They projected warmth and love, that it was the easiest thing for her, to just tell them what she feels, because she knew they’ll first listen, then make a comment.

-I love you guys. –she wiped away her tears, and fixed herself. They brought breakfast along the way, and Y/N made the table so they could eat.

-I think we should write a song about hotdogs, you know? –Reggie spoke with his mouth full. –Just as a reminder, we should never eat them from wherever.

-You’re lucky you didn’t die, for else we would’ve written it on your stone. –said Alex.

-Y/N, we need to finish writing that song. –said Luke, as he looked at her not so concentrated self. Her fork sluggishly moved around the food, and she barely took a bite out of it. 

-Huh—yeah, sure, we’ll finish it. 

And they did. It was a beautiful song. He thought she wouldn’t be able to think of anything, but emotions had trapped her hard, that she thought of very breathtaking lines. They even tried it with the music, and were ready to add it onto the lists of the songs for the album.

-

Her head was slowly falling, and the boys decided to stay with her that night, and not leave her alone in the studio. Reggie was half asleep on the other couch, while Alex played with his drumsticks. Luke was holding his guitar, trying to think of some new words. Y/N’s head fell on her shoulder, and she was asleep, just like Reggie. 

Luke looked over, to see her peacefully, with pouted lips, asleep next to him. It was painful seeing her in an uncomfortable position, so he picked her up in his hands, and placed her nicely on the couch, throwing a blanket over her body. Luke sat there for hours, observing her as she slept, and thought about the history the both of them had. He’s been observing her like that for a long time; since the day they met each other, but never knew how to express how he feels, scared it’s only one-sided.

The pen moved on the paper, making little dents as he wrote. Words were spilling out, as his eyes glanced at her, analyzing every detail of her face. Little love

- LITTLE LOVE

Closed eyes, pursed lips, one by one they tell me your sides,

Will I be able to fix what you feel?

Can I tame those wild tides?

And can I give a little love,

To my angel, of all the above.

 Don’t remember them breaking words, 

I don’t know, if there’s something you can remember,

But just leave them behind, and I’ll be your heart’s tender.

 And just like a free bird,

Fly away from what you heard,

Brush away your pride,

And swim away with your sorrow tide.

But before you go, can I get little love,

Can I get those peaceful eyes?

And those warm lips,

To break away some of them boundaries? 

 Reggie and Alex were now, both, asleep, and Luke was alone with his written song. He tried to persuade himself into the confession through the song, without hurting her, because he knew she had such a hard time at the moment. But the next day, when he found a chance to be alone with her, Luke pulled her hand, and they both sat on the couch. He positioned his guitar, and gave her the written song. He started playing, and singing the words.

 Y/N’s mouth fell apart, as her eyes widened a bit. She couldn’t even breathe in the moment, because Luke’s soft eyes didn’t leave hers, while he shot the words at her. He was such a sweet person, and she now remembered how much she admired him for the way all his emotions could be heard from his lyrics. But these—she thought she understood wrong, until the guitar dropped on the floor, and his hands were cupping her face. Their lips melted into each other, as her tears pecked his face. It was a moment of relief, and he couldn’t be more in need to take all her pain, and keep it to himself, so she doesn’t have to go through it.

-I love you. -he whispered when they split apart, and finally looked into her eyes.

-Our feelings are mutual, Luke Patterson. I love you too. And this song—is—just—perfect; flawless.

-Just like you. And I know you won’t agree, but I’ve never seen someone so responsible for everything in their life. You’ll get through this; we’ll get through this. You have my support and love like you always did.

-They won’t want me back, Luke.

-Yes they will, trust me. They’re your parents, and if there’s something the most important in their life, that’s you; their daughter. And I don’t doubt, they’re waiting for you. So—let’s go, we’ll fix this together, I’ll hold your hand till the house. You are doing what you love, and you’re doing it well, and it would be a loss if you leave it.

-Thank you so much for being next to me. Always. –she snuggled into him.

-I’ll forever hold you in my arms whenever something goes wrong. But just know, I’m doing everything so you don’t cry.

-I know; I hope I’ll be as sweet as you are. Writing me songs, and taking care of me.

-You’re already doing that, bird. You have your precious love, bewitch me. Isn’t that enough? –he kissed her forehead, and  gestured her so they could leave for her parents’ house. 

That night, not only were the boundaries between Luke and Y/N taken away, but also between her and her family. Now, they let her explain herself, and express the love for music, and all that was in their hands was to agree on her profession. As well as approve the relationship with the beautiful boy, that had as much as love for music as her—as well as for Y/N.       

[the-sunshine-dims]

Amnesia rewrite!

i remember how much i loved writing the amnesia series and once i realized i was coming up on my 100th fic i realized what fic would be better to my 100th then an amnesia rewrite!

ch 2 | ch 3 | ch 4 | ch 5 | ch 6 | ch 7

original fic

words: 1,411

ao3

contents and warning: blood, blood loss, injury, angst, hurt/comfort, roman helps, amnesia, hurt janus, grieving, crying,

summary: Janus got hurt and cant remember anything up to a certain point, which means he doesn't remember the split of creativity, or their names getting revealed, and a lot else, and during Janus having amnesia there's a lot of healing, and not only from him.

or Janus somehow stumbled into the imagination, got amnesia, and now there's angst and hurt/comfort, maybe even fluff

____

Janus stumbled out of the foresty wilderness-clad imagination, not remembering much, and not remembering just how much he’d forgotten, not even remembering how he had ended up in imagination, he did remember a couple things, even if they were a couple of the simpler things, such as, he was Thomas’s “deceitful” trait, he was also Thomas’s “self preservation” though that was just a fancy word for Janus protected thomas.

and another thing he knew was that the blood splatter that had gotten in his hair and was soaking through his shirt was very not good.

But some things he didn’t know were possibly some of the most important things, such as the painful split of king creativity, and the painful memories of being locked away with the label of “darksides” and “snake tricking thomas into sinning”, and everyone telling thomas their names. 

But, currently it didn’t matter what he remembered, he had to clean himself up and figure out if all of the blood was his ..or someone else’s, or both, and he had to figure out if it was better if it was his or someone else’s.

He tried his best to take a deep breath, hoping it would help the painful headache he had go away, but it just came out shaky and it helped none, so with nothing else to do he just tried his best to get back to his room, after getting a quarter way to where he thought it would be he had to begin leaning on the wall, feeling faint, before trying his best to continue.

But when he reached the first open room he’s seen he didn’t recognize it, maybe morality just got bored and redecorated? He didn’t know.

Once he enters, for a minute all he wants is to stay there, it’s warm, and just bright enough to be the perfect place to take a nap, like Thomas’s grandma's living room, with the big windows facing the couch, just so comfortable of an atmosphere, he shakes his head at himself ignoring the immediate flare of pain it causes, he needs to get to his room, then he can wash up and take a nap, he just needs to wait to find his room.

He sighs about to try and leave and hope to not get more lost,

Then he saw them.

A side, a side he’s never seen before, sitting on one of the armchairs and staring at him like with a vigilante- almost annoyed gaze

They were a taller side, outfit almost like a prince, with a bright red sash, maybe they were a new side? Maybe something to do with inspiration? Or something else creative? That would explain the similarities to creativity, Regardless though even if they weren't something to do with creative stuff janus was sure creativity would like them, creativity liked everyone.

And while Janus was partially confused because he was having a kinda hard time processing he still was about to go make a move to greet the new side.

That was until the side snapped out “deceit.” Sounding annoyed. Making his blood go cold, and his eyes widened and everything in him filled with self preservation in a single moment because how did he know his trait this was a new side how did he know.

Suddenly the blood that’s made his already dark clothes darker and long since dried on his hair is overly noticeable now and he feels like he should flee as his gaze flicks across the entire room in an instant looking for possible exits.

He took a unnoticeable steadying breath before going “who- who are you?” He asks, almost hissing under his breath at just how shaky it was, he’s supposed to be strong to protect Thomas! Not shaky just because someone he didn’t know, knew something as simple as one of his traits.

The side seemed startled by the question, several unnamed emotions flitting across his face in a couple moments before it settled on base level confusion as Janus began looking around the room again, nervousness evolving slightly when he realized nothing was the same, the couch was moved along with the coffee table and the everything else he didn’t even think the framed photos were in the same place-

Then he saw a particular photo, it had morality, logic, anxiety (though he’s changed a lot), and this side.

Then he looked at the other photos and he noticed a particular lack of someone.

Creativity

and the more he looked there wasn’t any trace of him, no left out art supplies, no hand-crafted pillows, nothing.

He snapped his head back to this side and desperately asked “where’s creativity?” He really hoped that the sides were just pulling a mean and really badly timed prank.

This side is slowly destroying that hope when he looks absolutely startled by that and instead of- well anything, he just confusedly goes “..I’m creativity?” 

Janus’s hands begin shaking aggressively after he’s processed the information, and suddenly he felt really overwhelmed “no- no no that’s not possible! You- you’re not creativity! He’s tall and he- he always has this big goofy grin! He- and he has this cape he made himself though it’s pretty much just a blanket wrapped around his shoulders!-“ tears had been spilling from his eyes as he went on, beginning to hold his shaky form with his shaky arms, and beginning to retract into himself “and- and he has fake roses on hand at all time despite- despite him knowing they get caught in his shirt everytime- and- he's not gone! I was just here and he and logic were trying to build a puzzle! He-“ he hiccuped “he was just here..” he sobbed, not meeting this ‘creativity’’s eyes and just staring at the floor instead though he couldn't see anything beyond vague shapes.

There was a long uncomfortable silence as Janus tried to breathe before the person spoke “creativity.. was split into me and my brother.. don’t you remember?”

Janus looked up at him and just shook his head sorrowfully before taking a big breath and trying his best to speak though it just came out as a quiet “no..” so quiet Roman almost didn’t hear it.

Janus wanted to go home. 

He looked at the floor again, trying his hardest to avoid eye contact and not cry.. again.

That was until he felt a small tug on his shirt sleeve and the side was looking at him so concerned and he didn’t say anything but he backed away just a tiny bit and opened up his arms in a clear invitation, one which Janus immediately took up, catapulting himself into his arms and just.. sobbing.

Roman tried, if somewhat stiffly to comfort him, using his spare arm that wasn't wrapped around Janus to try and brush through Janus’s hair, that was what patton did when they were upset.

Or that was the plan, instead he felt a weird dry patch in Janus’s hair and when he looked closer it was dark red, he froze, knowing that the only real option for what it was was dried blood since he didn’t suppose Janus was the type to randomly dye his hair red and decide not too, a quarter way through, so he took a breath before beginning to speak “okay, umm, you're kinda bleeding, and I don’t think I would know how to care for whatever injury caused the bleeding properly so.. I think it would be best to go to Logan.”

Janus seemed half conscious because he just slowly blinked, trying to see if he somehow knew the name somehow, and after a minute Roman realized Janus didn't recognize the name so he explained “Logic, not long ago with the rest of us, shared his name with us, which is Logan,” he told him, and deciding it might be good to tell him more he just slowly went “you did too, you told us your name was Janus.”

Janus hummed, taking the information and processing it slowly, his fatigue and exhaustion finally affecting him, eventually he nodded to himself and with that Roman decided Janus wouldn’t be physically or emotionally fit to walk with him to Logan's room safely.  so he carefully and slowly picked Janus up, half expecting some fight but instead Janus just practically curled up against his chest, his head beginning to loll in in a single moment.

And then Roman was off to Logan's Room.

[karasimpno]

{Day 24} The Party Goes With You | Kuroo x Reader

Pairing: Kuroo Tetsurou x Gn!Reader

Genre: businessman!poker-playing!Kuroo AU, angsty-knight-in-shining-armor moment, angst/pining

WC: ~1.3k

Warnings: suggestion of unhappy/borderline abusive marriage, alcohol, gambling, cigar use

⍋⋆*❅｡. 25 days of fic-mas mlist .｡❅*⋆⍋

And we’re dancing nose to nose Darling do you suppose, oh darling do you suppose this party could be just us two? — The Party Goes With You; 35mm (music and lyrics by Ryan Scott Oliver)

You don’t speak of names or faces, but there is one face that always stands out to you.

Well, part of a face, rather, as the businessman with the immaculately-pressed suits always seems to let his hair hang down over his right eye. He’s all flashes of white teeth and heated golden gazes as cigar smoke swirls around the dimly-lit back room of the seemingly hole-in-the-wall bar. His lips move flawlessly as he tells joke after joke, keeping conversation moving as he robs the other players blind.

Though you usually work the front bar, serving cheap, disgusting drinks to equally foul men, on Saturday nights, you’re required to play dealer in the high-stakes poker game that is run out of the discreet back room of the bar. Your husband owns the place but owes money to every player, so he’s never there. But he thought his high-profile patrons could use a pretty face and a nice body to look at while they weekly gamble away some of their highest earnings—the bids rising to numbers beyond what you could ever make in a year.

Dealing is simple. The actual game itself is surprisingly not very heated, considering the fortunes at stake. But the gentleman with the hair as black as pitch and the shining golden ring on one of his nimble fingers is what keeps it so. The cant of his voice and his relaxed posture, suit jacket slung over the back of his chair, keep everyone in amiable spirits, energy flowing between them like the liquor through their veins. His lips move flawlessly as he charms his competitors, periodically lifting a crystal glass with his favorite Armagnac to them as locks eyes with you over the rim of his drink. He is dashing to say the least, and his gaze makes your body temperature rise, but you manage to keep your posture indifferent as you shuffle and flip the cards. With light conversation in sultry tones, the evenings are always interesting, as renowned businessmen do their best to outdo each other, racking up substantial bar tabs all the while.

Oh, and your favorite part.

In addition to taking the pot, at the end of every round, the player with the most winnings earns an added prize: a dance with the alluring dealer. You’d be exaggerating if you said that your mystery man wins every round, but certainly not by much. He ends up on top in a good 90% of the games.

“Sorry, fellas,” he always smirks devilishly, rising from his seat as the losing players grumble, throwing their cards down on the custom-made black felt. In spite of yourself, your heart skips a beat every time he extends his long fingers across the table to you. With a smile that you attempt to tame into mere professionalism, you accept his hand. Ever so gracefully, he lifts your joined hands over the heads of the other players, carefully guiding you from your nook in the table to the open space adjacent to it. Some of the players get up and wander into the front bar to buy more liquor. Others stick around and busy themselves chatting about their businesses and dealings. But you hardly ever pay attention to any of that, as the moment his firm hand snakes around your waist, pressing heavily but comfortably against your lower back and pulling you fast against his chest, everything else fades into the background.

He’s clearly an excellent dancer—feels like he could have studied ballroom dancing—but all you ever do with him is sway and spin as he speaks lowly into your ear, incapable of being heard by the others. He pulls you so close that you feel like every part of you is touching him as your chins hover over each other’s shoulders. He doesn’t speak of husbands or wives or work or his life at home. He always just speaks of the oddest things, some fun new fact, or something interesting he saw the other day. Neglected by your husband, this man makes you feel sexy, and wanted, and alive with your hand wrapped in his strong but surprisingly gentle one. Respecting your privacy and knowing your husband, he doesn’t ask you about yourself but you love just to hear him talk. He always comes up with the most interesting things to tell you and you love that about him.

You didn’t love your husband. Maybe you never did, but he’d grown so aggressive with you since making you manage his debts, the bar, his patrons...you had nothing left for him but resentment. But something about the dashing businessman whose name you don’t even know has you finding a spark in your life again.

“Alright boys,” he always says with a characteristic grin when he’s had enough gambling and drinking for the night. Some weekends it’s ten or eleven. Other weekends it stretches into one, two, once even three in the morning before he called it quits, his competition unraveling into drunken stupors as he stayed just as cool and collected, even as the empty brandy glasses began to accumulate around him late into the night. Your husband had instructed you to continue to deal for as long as the players were making bets.

When the man with eyes as brilliant as the sun stands to make his final call, he slings his discarded jacket over his shoulder, his other hand resting confidently on his hip. The other players chatter amongst themselves, murmurings of “maybe one more game,” or “should we stick around for another drink?” but they almost never do. When he makes his move to leave, the party goes with him. You often find yourself getting distracted watching him walk out the front of the bar with no hurry in the world, each slow step after step making your field of vision narrow down even smaller, until it only encompasses him.

You catch yourself sighing and are snapped back to the reality of what’s left behind: a bunch of men no different than any of the schmucks you serve at the front of the bar, the only difference between them being the withdrawal limit on their checking accounts. Whereas the mystery man always makes a point to thank you before he goes, his golden eyes halting on yours, the rest of the men attempt to sober themselves up and stumble out of the bar with grunts and dirty looks, leaving the mess of their indulgences behind.

And you’re left to daydream, thinking only of the man who comes in once a week, like a shadowy whirlwind of passion and excitement, dashing in and out of your life every Saturday night. The weeks are long, your husband is cruel, and the patrons at the front bar are unforgiving. Cleaning up after messy customers, you long for the weekend to come around, for the sight of that one man who makes your heart race and sweeps you off your feet before even touching you. You wish you could go back and rewrite the story of your life so that you met this man before your husband, and you could live a happy life together, just the two of you. Sometimes you catch yourself daydreaming of what a domestic life with him would look like, and remind yourself that he doesn’t even know your name, nor you his.

But when you’re dancing nose-to-nose, heat emanating from his chest and warming you from head to toe, you can’t help but buy into the fantasy that maybe he feels the same way. You want to ask him what he thinks, always desperate to know more—more about him, more about what he thinks of you, more of the way he sees the world, more, more, more from him. But the dance ends too soon, and you’re back to your role as dealer, him as player. The cards flip through your fingertips but all you crave is your fingers on his skin. The dream is as fleeting as a lead in the game.

And when he goes, the party—your life, your love, your spirit—goes with him.

A/n: okay this song is EVERYTHING to me but to me it’s always captured more of a feeling than like an easily interpretable scene for me. Phrases like “speakeasy, hole in the wall” and “cleaning up for vows in gold” and “the gayest party sad but true” just stick out to me and like I’ve always struggled to like ground it in some kind of narrative. BUT I took little nuggets in the song and became really attracted to the like singer falling in love with someone they barely know but see/serve all the time in sort of a bar setting. I was also really inspired by this scene in Molly’s Game (which is a good movie if you haven’t seen it)....I just love the idea of businessman Kuroo in like a cigar smoke-filled haze, drinking nice brandy, pulling you close and whispering sweet nothings in your ear......phew. This one is for my girl @bluntkingkuroo​ And THANK YOU GUYS so much for following along for such a fun event! I hope you all liked it!!! Xoxoxoxo -Elle

taglist: @slutawara​ @musicgetsmeoutofbed​ @azo-musxas​ @tsumurai @ghostlydiamond135 @animeboysimppp @honeybunny-sawamura @harokat

[bringingglory]

thank you so much for the tags @hanamuri @fullmetalscullyy @megthemighty @nightofnyx8 @tsaritsa !

How many works do you have on AO3? 11! some are botw, one is tdiapt, some are fma, and some are haikyuu! i mostly just write for whatever im interested in at the moment/whichever fandom inspiration strikes for

What's your total AO3 word count? 101,939

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Keep Your Friends Closer But Your Enemies Closer - T: ahhhh my miraculous ladybug fic! ive literally been working on her for FOREVER and i swear to god im going to finish it, i literally know how i want to end it and i know all the events leading up to it. hell, i even have a vague idea of what i want to happen in the middle, i just need to know what order the middle stuff happens in and also i just have to write it. It's an AU where Ladybug and Chat Noir are actually enemies but then Chat Noir accidentally befriends Marinette and then drama etc etc etc.

rain - G: first zelink fic babey! set Pre-Calamity and basically link and zelda get stuck in a cave because of the rain and there's just a lot of quiet pining, etc etc.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Oikawa - T: HAHAHA this was a crack fic inspired by my roommate but then i forgot it was supposed to be a crack fic while writing it and there are accidentally real emotions alkjdfalksdf but anyway it was very fun to write lmao. it was based off this meme and basically it's an AU where Oikawa is Spider-Man and Iwaizumi doesn't know but they still like hang out and stuff. It's a lot of fun, or at least I think it is, haha.

stolen moments - T: first royai fic!!! just a series of "stolen moments" (mic drop) where roy and riza like cant be together but yknow, they try. lots of pining. etc

a secret weapon of sorts - T: 5+1 edwin fic inspired by the Simple People OVA where instead of ed giving winry earrings to get out of trouble, he gives her kisses.

Do you reply to comments, why or why not? Yes! I try really hard to!!! Sometimes I get overwhelmed and I don't respond to comments for a while, but I absolutely do my best to when I remember because I feel like it's my way of saying "thank you" for them reading my fics in the first place, haha.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? Uhhhhh, sleepless I guess? But it's more open-ended/not explicitly positive more than anything, though even then I feel like I've got a hint of hope in there. alkjdfhalsdk idk man I just, I can't write *pure* angst, there's gotta be some light, and thus I could never end anything angstily

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? LMAO most of my fics??? I guess??? bc despite being an anxious piece of shit, I am an optimist by heart

Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written? When I was younger! Idk, I guess the Rise of the Brave Frozen Tangled Dragons fandom??? if anyone remembers what that is lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic? Not exactly? Maybe some weird comments on KYFCBYEC but even then, it wasn't that often.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? No no no no no no no no. I am telling you, I physically cannot write smut. I don't think I actually have the capacity. Absolute fucking kudos to every single smut writer out there bc it truly is an art form capturing that intimacy and emotion and etc, but I literally get flustered from writing mildly detailed kiss scenes. If I ever wrote smut, I would burst into flames on the spot.

Actually lies, I technically wrote smut once, but it was at the request of my roommates and they wanted me to write a crack smut fic of Y/N x our uni's mascot and I wrote that thing in like 3 hours with so many silly memes to keep myself sane (not like other girls, tongues battled for dominance, etc), did not edit it, and because it was so, like, not serious, I was actually able to get through it. But even then, when I wrote "thrusting" I literally had to put my laptop down for 20 minutes.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Nope!

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet! Someone commented on Your Friendly Neighborhood Oikawa and asked if they could translate it and I said yes! They haven't gotten around to it yet, but I would love to see it if they do!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not yet!

What’s your all-time favourite ship? Bro it changes day to day. You can't ask me this lmao. The current ship I'm most fixated on is Iwaoi, but I wouldn't say they're my all-time favorite.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I'm not answering this energy. On god, I'm going to finish things. I want to.

What are your writing strengths? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh very good question lmao. I don't really like thinking about "strengths" in my writing bc who am I to say? akjdslakfjdf idk, instead, I'm just gonna say some things I like/try to do in my writing, which are: conversational prose/having a lot of voice in the narration, I try to add humor wherever I can, and recently I've gotten better and metaphors and describing things bc I picked up writing poetry a year ago!

What are your writing weaknesses? hmmm, a thing I dislike about my writing/the writing process is that I'm slow to publish things and slow to finish things because I'm such a messy first drafter and I also take forever to edit. I would like to uhhhhh get things out faster. Also I tend to repeat myself a lot bc I forget the details of things I write sometimes lmao.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Hmmm, I dunno, I guess I don't have any strong thoughts? The only other language I know is Mandarin but even then, I suck ass at that, so I'll prolly never write dialogue in another language simply bc I like to try to portray things semi-realistically and I don't think I have a good enough grasp on any other language the same way I do in English to produce authentic enough dialogue.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Fablehaven I guess? But Idk I was in fourth grade an didn't even know what fandom was yet. Rise of the Guardians, maybe?

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

AHHHH idk??? maybe hold your hand out in the dark because i really experimented with my writing on that one and im sort of proud of the result, just like the fact that i wanted to try something new and it turned out alright. that or Sunset Wheeling which is an iwaoi fic where they just skate, and like it's prolly one of the most self-indulgent things i've ever written because it's silly and they just. skate. but aljdfalsjd idk i loved it and i churned it out in 6 days and it was a lot of fun lol

ahhh a bunch of people have been tagged already, so sorry if im tagging you again, but for now im just gonna tag @niconiconina @notkorras @thatisadamnfinecupofcoffee @firewoodfigs and anyone else who wants do it!

[kill-your-fics]

shit i wish i had the energy and skill to write or, ideally, someone else would write

-little shop of horrors inspired story with verdant!wilson and audrey ii is a lureplant and rather than be eaten by it willow destroys the whole thing with FIRE because i feel like thats just what happens whenever willow faces a threat. Anyway wilson's camp/research station burns down, oh no! But it's okay bc he can just move in with Willow, right? And then oh my god, they were campmates 😳 HAHA JK but fr somewhere inbetween is a PLOT i cannot find, please help or im gonna feed maxwell to the fucking plant for evil crimes

(actually...... maybe that could work)

shit i kind of want to write myself but theyre just vague ideas

-literally just willow and wilson talking. The dialogue fic. they discuss everything from life to the nature of the Constant to what happens when they escape, if they still want to escape, wilson would feel as the group's scientist that its his job to find the way out of the Constant and willow would be like "dont for a minute feel guilty because that asshole maxwell did this to us and he hasnt done jack shit to get us back home so really its on him" and idfk throw some comfort cuddling in there.

-willow "accidentally" burns down the camp because thats just what she knows how to do and they FIGHT but eventually wilson realizes shes not the only flawed person to mske mistakes (AHEM mr lets build a portal to the hell dimension) and like, forgives her, and she forgives him for being a jerk, and theres plot inbetween where she ~runs away~ and does pretty good living on her own for a while but we all know it cant last. maybe throw a fucking giant in the mix but its all really about processing emotions. Mmmmm the flavor.

-willow, a ghost, finds wilson bc he lit a fire one night and she's basically fire starved so she follows him around just for the campfires and naturally his sanity plummets because there is a ghost haunting him but neither realizes it. humor ensues due to crazy madman. craziness eventually leads to the creation of (the first?) TELL TALE HEART which finally brings willow back to life, also eventually they gotta definitely go back to find willow's lighter, but its been stolen by a moleworm bc of course it would be. fuck it combine this with willow burning down the camp above and get us some good tension going.

-???? idfk i just know i want more

[goldentournesol]

year in review tag :)

I was tagged by my dears @summerygubler and @idmakeitbehave and it warms my heart so much that you guys tagged me!! thank you <3

first creation + most recent creation of 2020

okee so my first creation was  Unwanted Matchmaker, yall when i tell you this idea came to me in a dream AHAHA, it was so weird, i was reading a bunch of fanfiction and NEVER had the intentions to write anything bc ya girl is insecure about her writing skills, but then i was like “why hasn’t anyone done this yet” and i just wrote it. and now here we are. my most recent creation is  Christmas Miracles which i wasn’t sure i loved yet, but the feedback blew me away, so glad you guys enjoyed it.

one of your favourite creations from 2020

i have a very special place in my heart for  Mon Cher, it was just so super sweet to write 

a creation you’re really proud of

i’m very proud of All That Matters and Here For You because they really challenged me to write angst and i was really proud that i was able to portray post prison spencer in ways that humanize him.

a new style you tried this year & a fic that uses it

not exactly a new style, but i had never written an alternate reality before and was worried people wouldn’t receive it (but yall did), so  Be Careful What You Wish For

a creation that took you forever

oh my goodness all of them, all of them take me DAYS to write.

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes

so it’s been really close between  Unwanted Matchmaker and  Operation Make Believe for days but finally Operation Make Believe has surpassed UM!!! (i was rooting for it if you couldn’t tell ahaha)

a creation you think deserved more notes

the number of notes isn’t something i focus on tbh (i’m not saying that to be humble, i promise, i do this because i enjoy it), but i knew going into a series, most chapters wouldn’t get the love they deserved so probably The Receptionist and the Profiler 

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it

well technically criminal minds is the new fandom ahaha

a creation you made that breaks your heart

Oh lordy lord,  Twin Flames it was difficult to write Spencer so heartbroken but i poured every bit of myself into that fic and i love it for that. 

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love

i think it’s a tie between  Shades and  Leather Jacket, they’re both on the shorter side and definitely more playful than usual. they were so adorable to write and i thought they were good representations of spencer in general hehehe

a creation that was inspired by another one

oh my gosh,  Operation Make Believe was requested but i totally thought of one of my favorite works THAT I CANT FIND TO SAVE MY LIFE i wish i could credit the author, but it was also an undercover fic where spencer and reader were a married couple and i was obsessed with it for WEEKS before i even published my first fic

a favourite creation created by someone else

ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh too many, toooooo too many but some off the top of my head:  this vast empty space by my queen @literaila (AND EVERYTHING ELSE),  everything happens for a reason and  fun fun arcade by @spacedikut (AND EVERYTHING ELSE OMG),  the star puzzle by @halloweenhoneylover (this fic lives in my head RENT FREE I TELL YOU), of courseee  Teach Me Something I Don’t Know by the lovely @homoose (FEAR NOT I HAVE SO MANY MORE I WILL PROBABLY COMPILE A LIST)

some of your favourite content creators from this year (so many omg)

@spacedikut @hercleverboy @brywrites @homoose @literaila @jpegjade@idmakeitbehave @mggpleasedontlookhere @reidscanehand @zhuzhubii @psychedellic-phase @bau-wife @criminalmindzjunkie @thespringpriestess @imagining-in-the-margins 

i’d also like to write a specific thank you note to the one and only @jpegjade. she’s a huge, huge part of why i’ve published so much this year, i wouldn’t have published 0.1 of these fics without her. she’s helped me with every idea and every fic, i couldn’t have done it without you babe! YOU ARE SO LOVED AND APPRECIATED by me! EVERYONE PLEASE GO READ THE ENTIRE MASTERLIST

tagging anyone who wants to do this, anyone who was tagged, i love yall so much