#also i feel like i should explain that it's mainly a wild experience because i jump around between all of these things at once

[only-in-december]

Y'know, being in my brain 24/7 is a wild experience. Especially when it comes to fandom related stuff. Because like. On the one hand, I'm rewriting/editing all my Danny Phantom fics so I can reupload them, but better. On the other, I'm still working on my SG1 AU. But also, I want to keep writing the three different Star Trek fics that I have going right now. Plus, I'm reading LOTR and just really want to read that. And I also am starting to get back into Doctor Who again??? Because y'know. THe rest of that wasn't quite enough for me. I'm going to drive myself insane with all of this. I might as well fall back into the Les Mis fandom too! (I won't though. Don't worry.)

[swordoffrivolousthings]

Thoughts about Heroes of Olympus and how it could have been better.

Sometimes I think about what would have made HOO a better series. And I'm not talking about the obvious 'too much focus on romantic relationships' and the lack of usage of certain characters or the dumb ending.

I mean the little things that would change so much (mainly character dynamics but also worldbuilding i.e. Camp Jupiter and Gaia's reasoning)

Some of the points are inspired by @crisisreading and their posts. They are the first I saw raise some of my own points so! part 2

Make the ages vary more in the main cast, trust me

Let Percy, Annabeth and Grover get older by 4-5 years. Let them become adults and find themselves outside the godly war. Let them even finish college, I wouldn't get mad. Let them do anything beside being teenagers.

I promise this would make the dynamics more interesting. Percy and Annabeth will be more mentor figures, than fellow comrades. This would create some distance between some of the them, but ultimately create something fun. Piper would come to see some aspiring female figure in Annabeth (I think this would ether be positive or negative, depending how Annabeth changed as a character over the years, but I tend towards negative). Leo would potentially have someone older to exchange ideas with. Jason would possibly feel intimidated by Percy's vastly superior age, prowess and experience, instead of being able to clash heads with him.

Hazel would have not one, but two that people that would play parent to the others' reckless behavior. (go snort your harmful stereotypes up your ass, Riordan.) Frank, when telling Percy and Hazel about his stick, would possibly find in Percy a kind hand (not that he wasn't kind already, let me explain) and Percy would probably share with him this feeling of vulnerability - not dump it on Frank - about having your life tied to a specific thing. I mean his Achilles heel, with which he would have lived for far longer.

And a whole lot more.

2. Add Grover into the series as a perspective character

You have a new trio dynamic introduced in the first book of the series. Let the original trio interact as main characters and let us see how their relationship has changed.

Grover's opinion on the conflict between the gods and Gaia would be important. He is the Lord of the Wild, and Gaia is the literal personification of the Earth. Let us see his struggle between the loyalty he has to the gods and his friends and his powerful feelings towards protecting nature.

Also, he would act as a protector for the demigods. Because while I enjoy Hedge, he is not enough to keep them safe.

3. Throw the bullshit about Gaia getting revenge for Kronos' defeat out of the way

Gaia, as mentioned before, if the personification of the Earth. One of the first gods to emerge from Chaos.

Gaia can, of course, keep her resentment for the gods defeating the son that freed her from her pain (caused by Ouranos initially). But she is a mother goddess. She should want obliterate humanity because humans are slowly killing her. Painfully. She wants to survive and the only way she sees how if by killing all the humans. She wants to save her children, aka animals, insects, nature, and the only way she sees is bloodshed. Gods are not rational in their anger, no one is. So let her be angry and vengeful and out for human blood.

DO NOT MAKE HER A FUCKING VILLAIN, MAN! Make her an antagonist, but someone's whose ideals are worth taking in and adapting. Kinda like Luke about the demigod and minor god recognition. Where have the themes of the original series gone? Remember, an important theme in BOTL was protecting the environment. It was one of the most important moments when Pan faded. Do not let that go to fucking waste. Especially not now, in the world we live in.

4. Show the effects the war had on Camp Half-Blood. Hint it at Camp Jupiter, when Percy does not have the memories to corelate it with

We've had years since the end of the Second Titan War. How did the gods change the course of events ? (the victors write the histories) How much of Luke's reasoning for starting the war was erased. (hint, all of it.) Show us how much the perspectives were shifted and how much the people that fought in it were made into martyrs and villain, basically becoming caricatures.

Let us feel how much this hurts Percy, Grover and Annabeth. How it had impacted and impacts their trauma, grief and utter horror. The younger, newer campers see them as wonderful, all-just and loyal heroes of the gods. The way they hate it.

Good moment to implement the new cabins for the gods and let the new ones forget that it wasn't always this way. Let Percy's demand to the gods be forgotten, shoved under the rug. The tragedy unfolds, use it.

Since in Camp Jupiter none of the main characters have fought, let us see the subtility. Let the older legionnaires be ragged, scarred. Older and weary, with eyes glassy and suspicious. Have younger recruits have this heavy air around them. They know what happened, what killed most of the older people in the legion.

Have Jason, Hazel and Frank see these things in Annabeth, Grover and Percy too. They realise that oh. oh. these three have fought in the war, of course they would. Show them gain respect for the trio. The same kind of respect they have for the veterans back home.

5. Cut one of the Seven from the prophecy.

I know this seems radical, but it is a symbolism thing, which I think would be more interesting in a world based on Greek mythology.

It is established in PJO that three (3) is an important number: 3 Olympian sisters (Hera, Demeter, Hestia), 3 Olympian brothers (Hades, Poseidon, Zeus), 3 Fates, 3 quest members, 3 Furies, 3 godly realms (the Underworld, Olympus + the sky, the seas). Use this.

Give us six (6) prophesized heroes. It is, after all, the second most used number in the series and a multiple of 3.

I suggest Annabeth. Why? because she has her quest from Athena. Let that be her top priority, while hanging out on the Argo II to get to Rome. Let her bond with the younger demigods and have her possible death be always on her mind. Bring her hubris into play and she would think herself the chosen one, the one demigod child of Athena to survive. This would make her falling into Tartarus with Percy not letting her go more taxing on her psyche.

Show us how she hates herself because she took one of the principal quest members to certain death. She feels like she'd jeopardized the whole saving the world thing.

Cut the Seven to Six and let Annabeth die in Tartarus. Show us why a single-man quest is a death sentence. Why three (3) is such a valuable number.

6. CONSEQUENCES!!!

Jumping straight off the last point.

Change why Annabeth would end up in Tartarus. Make her ignore the string around her ankle because she thing that nothing bad can happen to her now. After all, Arachne is gone, right.

Let this be her undoing. I do not care how she dies, but make her choices, her hubris, be her undoing. Do not let her death up to a chance, a mistake or miscalculation. Show how toxic Tartarus is, because we do not see it enough, but make it Annabeth's idea, the plan by which she dies.

Do not make it Percy's fault. Let him try to do everything to keep her alive, but still failing. Attack his sense of loyalty, his self-esteem. Show how the experiences and her death affect him.

Bring the trauma from the last war back in those chapters, in a place where demigods leave something behind.

To less drastic things - let the others get hurt. Permanently. Show how this life affects and damages people physically, too.

Have one lose an eye, another get horrific scars. Lose a limb, a part of themselves. Do not make it seem like any other could have gotten the same wound.

Tailor them to their character, their pride and their skill. Hit them where it hurts most and let us see how it changes them.

Also, about Leo. Kill him too. The fact that he ended up alive is a deux ex machina. He should have suffered the consequences.

Also also, bring back the fatal flaws. They are missing from the series. Play with them, show why they are important parts of their characters. Bring back ancient Greek fatal flaws, and new ones that make sense in a modern world.

Hurt them because what hurts them is part of who they are. Show us why the Greeks invented tragedy.

7. Age up the target age. Go more young/new adult

I understand that PJO was made for middle schoolers. But the target audience had grown up alongside the characters, and as such they have matured.

This is why I said to age Percy, Grover and Annabeth up further. Leave some distance for the old and new readers to get up and personal with the new main characters. Have them find common ground with the new demigods but have their anchor in the old ones.

Make the readers work to understand and refamiliarize themselves wit the older demigods. Because they've changed.

Targeting a more mature audience allows exploring n. 6. The realistic consequences of living with the fear that something will come and eat you. How just a little mishap could change you for life. (or what has been left of it)

Please do not go grim dark. Show that despite this all, their purpose has not stopped existing. A life exists outside of your appearance or disability still exist, and while it would be hard, do not lose hope.

8. Hope, or lack of its importance in the Heroes of Olympus series

Alongside other callbacks and reinforcements of PJO's lore, where is Elpis (hope)? Why doesn't she appear as a larger theme in the books? I don't know.

Elpis is still in the jar, having been used as a threat of defeat. But now Kronos is gone. Have Gaia use it as s symbol for her own cause.

Make hope Gaia's argument. The most important part of why her cause stands. Gaia is waking now because there is no hope for the betterment of the planet while in human - and therefore godly - grasp. She wants to save the planet, but they, the destroyers, are opposing her.

Hope is what she wants to bring back. The hope that death will not be the end of life, but further evolvement and betterment of all species.

This argument is what the counterargument should unravel. All species? Why are humans considered irredeemable, unworthy of becoming something greater?

Why can't they not coexist and why can't humans learn how to care about the world surrounding them.

Make hope for humanity and for the environment not a question of if they are capable to coexist, but how we can manage that. Humanity and nature are not mutually exclusive, but two halves of the same whole that need each other to sustain their longevity. Yes, nature can exist without humans, but humans can't.

This does not mean that the best way forward is to kill all humans.

There is no need for hope in HOO because there are no greater questions being asked about topics that require hope, because otherwise we would descend into nihilism and fatalism.

9. Give the gods reason to act the way they act, or a look at a greater narrative problem in the series

I may be generalizing, but the gods act erratically and make choices convenient for the plot, as it is, to happen.

Hera: how, specifically, does she know that Gaia is rising and what her plans are. Why is she against Gaia, when the older goddess has a track record of helping the Olympians on different occasions in the myths. Why does she decide to act when she does, how she knows that the king of the giants (whatever his name may be) is coming after her right then.

We don't know.

Athena: we understand why she wants the Athena Parthenos back. Why not force the Romans to give it back. After all, she is a goddess, even if the Romans don't respect her as the Greeks did, she has power and sway over them. Why send her children, a supposedly important part of what brings her glory, to a near-certain death. Is it misguided vengeance, an obsession to get the statue back at all cost, or simple cruelty. These reasons could apply very well to sending the Romans, yet she doesn't.

Zeus: why lock down Olympus? Paranoia, which fair, but you are a King, why wouldn't you look after your subjects? (bc Riordan chose to ignore part of his characterization in the myths and part of his godly domain) (I know kings aren't perfect, but after the last war, one would think he would do everything in his power to stop another one before it begins) Why not seek justice for Octavian's lies, that affect their ability to win the war, and kill/imprison him? Justice is part of his domain, as Zeus Nomius.

I know that we wouldn't necessarily need these answers, but without some of them, some choices left hanging seem to be there only to add to the drama and danger of it all.

All in all, I have many problems with the 'Heroes of Olympus' series. Some of them are nitpicks and personal preference as a high fantasy reader in my free time. Some of them would really add to the story and continue the themes of PJO.

Please ask me if something wasn't clear to you. I'll happily explain further.

If you find something you don't agree with, let's discuss. I'm open to changing my opinions.

[oscconfessions]

Sigh... I'm gonna add my two cents about the Balloon arospec drama(I'm AroAce BTW) and by my two cents I mean I'll mention it two times and just talk about something else related. I'll also be providing some knowledge about AroAceness and all that.

For those of you who don't know,

Aro: Aromantic - Little to no romantic attraction.

Ace: Asexual - Little to no sexual attraction.

Aro+Ace are spectrums and aren't just "every Aro person doesn't feel any kind of romantic attraction" or "every Ace person can't feel sexual attraction." I feel as tbough people forget that all the time so I wanted to remind you lot haha.

I'm noticed this kind of drama a few times, where people argue about a character on where they are on the AroAce spectrum. It's difficult for me to put what I think into words here, but if a character(either canon AroAce or not) doesn't have a canon placement on the spectrum then whatever, go wild.

To help with my previous statement, I'll use SakiK from... SaikiK. People generally agree he's AroAce, yet people argue about where he is on that spectrum(mainly the Aromantic part). Since it's not ever stated where he is on that spectrum(or even if he is AroAce but SHHHSHSHHSH 🤫🤫), everyone has their own interpretation of it.

I believe it should be the same for Balloon, unless Balloon comes on screen and says "I am *insert very specific thing here* " as he points to a picture of the Aro spectrum then its to to you. Obviously, don't make him a sex crazed fiend or constantly searching for love, you eejit, but it should be up to interpretation.

A little off-topic here, sorry, but I wanted to bring up umbrella terms in both the Aro and Ace spectrums(I'm included ace because eh why not! This is for my people who HC Balloon as Aro AND Ace 🙏🙏)

Here are some terms under both the aro and ace spectrums. I feel as though you guys and many, MANY others tend to forget that there are umberlla terms for AroAce. I'll define them below:

Ace umbrella:

Aceflux: someone whose sexual orientation fluctuates but generally stays on the asexual spectrum

Greysexual: only experience sexual attraction some of the time, and sometimes not at all.

Demisexual: An individual who does not experience sexual attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed.

Aro umbrella:

Aroflux: someone whose romantic orientation fluctuates but generally stays on the aromantic spectrum

Greyromantic: Some may feel a strong emotional connection with others but do not desire romantic relationships, while others may feel a weak romantic attraction to some people but not all.

Demiromantic: An individual who does not experience romantic attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed.

Now, there are MANY more, feel free to add in the replies or the reblogs (o: !

Also, my apologies that this post was very long! Also also, my personal opinion on Balloons arospec thing? Idfk, lmao. TBH, this was kinda an excuse to just talk about stuff I like and am interested in so... 👍I've seen the tweet where one of the people who worked on II said yes, Balloon is meant to be Aro, but I couldn't tell you if they went into specifics about it. Sorry for constantly saying AroAce instead of just aro for Balloon, I felt like it was still important to include all my asexuals out there and educate others about it.

(BTW! Any inaccurate info, PLEASE, PLEASE correct in the replies)

Anyway!

TL;DR:

If a character who is just stated to be AroAce(not demi, grey, flux ETC) and never has their place on the spectrum explained whatsoever, it's okay to have a little fun experimenting with it IYKWIM. As I've stated, we all have our own interpretation of the AroAce character and there's no point arguing about it and getting mad because that's fucking stupid, unless they start actively getting rid of the AroAce rep then burn them to the stakes! /j

I know how wild you mother fuckers can be, so don't shank me please. If you disagree, take a deep breath and remain calm because getting all pissy about this isn't gonna do shit. Try to go about it calmly and reasonably. <3

I'd love to see others' opinions on this, remember to be respectful! 🩵

.

[w1f1n1ghtm4r3]

ippiki au lore dump

if the name of the au does not make it very obvious, this au was inspired very heavily by the trained cards for kick it up a notch (i just chose to reference the comm, hitsuji ga ippiki, as the au name because it sounds cooler than calling it like. kickup au. so its ippiki au instead. when i first started working on this i just called it animal fighters au but thats long LOL)

its one of my favorite sets, im a big fan of dystopian and post-apocalyptic themes which the set hits perfectly and there was room to have fun with animal designs (i mean, seriously, they gave kohane sheep horns and named akitos costume "hound kid") and so i started thinking from the moment i laid eyes on the set when it leaked and i ended up with an au based around the idea of animal/human hybrids.

first of all for actual au stuff, character profiles! these were made a lot earlier on into working the au so ive made minor adjustments to their designs since then, but nothing drastic. mainly just little things ive changed when drawing them in more detail, like additional scars and such.

while making kohane a sheep and akito a dog (hes... not a specific kind of dog. hes a mix of a whole bunch of different larger domestic dog breeds combined with some wild canines. ) were obvious from the set, deciding on the animals for an and touya required a bit more thought. i ended up settling on a fox for an partially as a nod to her ny3 card and also because for a long time now ive thought theyre fitting for her anyway, and touya as a black leopard because... he's kitty. but i wanted to make him a big kitty not a domestic kitty. i do also like bunny touyas but for how i was feeling with this au i wanted him to be a cat.

theres the fun little detail that kohane is the only animal that isnt a predator in vbs.

but i should probably explain why theyre animal hybrids in this au.

im going to put the rest of the lore dump and more art below, this gets long.

basically, in the face of a coming apocalypse, there was an effort to attempt to hybridize humans with animals to see if they could create a form of human (or something seen as "human enough") that would be more resilient if the apocalypse threatened the survival of normal humanity. it was never completely successful and the hybrids were less stable/generally shorter lived (if physically stronger) but it ended up being unnecessary and enough of humanity survived to rebuild. but the experiments to create hybrids continued.

in the present day of the au, hybrids are created for... less pleasant tasks. the kinds of things people dont want to take on, and theyre physically stronger than the average human so theyre put to those jobs instead. or theyre created as showpieces/pets for the wealthy (most people outside of those circles find it strange to keep hybrids like that though. hybrids arent always seen as being truly human (although theyre fully capable of everything human and then some) but theyre still seen as human enough for it to be weird).

many of them though, are created as sacrifices for entertainment in battle arenas where theyll have to fight each other to the death. its a seemingly inevitable fate to die there once theyre sent, but escape has happened before. an is living proof of that, as both of her parents are escaped arena fighters who helped establish a small town of hybrids out in the wasteland beyond the city at the core of hybrid creation and sacrifice.

how an ended up as an arena fighter despite being born well outside the city... thats a long story.

touya is a showpiece fighter, created to fight but kept secure and safe outside of his registered fights. he might be healthier physically, much less worn down by fighting, but hes been very socially isolated and doesnt fit in with other hybrids very well.

an and touya fight in the same arena, and touyas fight days are the only times he interacts with other hybrids. hes given free reign around the hybrid compound (where most other hybrids are restricted under collars and chains) and he ends up meeting an there. although tense, they become sort of friends and he frees her and they escape together.

kohane and akito are just normal arena fighters, created solely for that purpose, although kohane was meant as an early sacrifice due to her skittish nature, but she survives. theyre in the same arena as each other, although its a harsher one than the one antouya are in, theyre unable to properly interact with anyone else at all and are just lucky enough to be neighbors to end up bonding.

i just grouped them based on which side of their face they have the barcodes on in the original cards lol in this au the arenas generally brand their fighters with a code for identifying them. touyas is actually not permanent like the others, but temporarily applied whenever he has a fight coming up (like a temporary tattoo lol)

kohane managing to survive despite the intention being that she dies is actually the driving force that starts the fic for this au (which fun fact, despite me never mentioning the title, does have a title! the fic will be called "fight, flight, freedom", unless i think of something that fits even better, but i already like the title as is so i probably wont change it)

its rough but i promise everyone gets a happy ending eventually :)

now for sitting through all that rambling heres some art

heres my very initial attempts at designs for them! no drastic changes even since this initial pass at designs tbh i was pretty content with them pretty quickly

some various doodles of them interacting, some during/around the time of the fic and others post-fic

what if they were... more animal? like furries instead of just the ears/tails? obviously noncanon but it was a fun little thing to draw

wip aged up designs! heavily inspired by the power of unity set because it also fits into the post apocalyptic type theme and i thought would work for them when theyre a little older. assume theyre about 20-21 here, while in the main canon of the au theyre about 16-17.

a silly little sketch i did last week of aged up akikoha in their burn my soul outfits... kohane cant really wear hats, horns are inconvenient for that. everyone elses ears would probably make hats difficult too, but you could probably make holes for their ears. you cant really make holes for the tops of her horns.

some little finished pieces i did for this au. can you tell akito is my favorite to draw for this?

now heres some other random au facts

an and haruka are childhood friends, haruka also being the child of ferals. haruka is a domestic cat hybrid (either a gray or black cat, i havent decided which yet). she is not in their hometown anymore either. where is she now...? ill leave you to wonder about that.

kohane and minori grew up in the same group of created hybrids together, theyre friends but were sent to different places so they dont know whats happened to each other since. minori is a goat btw (inspired by her halloween card)

a lot of ans scars are from injuries that snowballed after an incident in a fight that severely broke her tail and led to part of it being amputated. her balance was thrown off for a while after that so she was a little clumsier in fights than normal

akitos scars on the other hand are caused by the fact that hes a reckless fighter. a good fighter, but not much care for the damage he takes in the process. that and improper padding on his collars and muzzle, leaving those spots unable to fully heal from being rubbed against metal for months and when they finally do heal they scarred.

im still sorting things out for sure but tentatively for vbs npcs i have decided on fox ken and yuka (obviously, same as an), tiger taiga (i mean... how could i not go for the pun. and i think it suits him), maned wolf nagi (update march 2024 ive drawn nagi now so this is what has been made canon), raccoon kotaro, caracal arata, and dog souma (sorry to any tatsuya fans, i have not figured out how to include him in the au at all)

vbs all very clingy with each other once they get comfortable together. platonic polysquad ❤️

other characters outside of vbs exist in this au but theyre just not relevant enough to the story for me to include here 👍

the fic outline is like 2.4k words. the first chapter is a couple scenes away from being finished and its about 5k words. it will not be the longest chapter of the fic. this is going to be a long au.

maybe ill do another lore dump another day if i can think of more stuff. well see.

if you made it this far, thank you for reading, heres an edit i made the moment we got high quality versions of the cards and is probably partially responsible for the existence of this au

[meant2beestudios]

Lord of Lies Devlog #1

September 9th, 2023

Hey hey, it’s Joy! (Flowersforjoy)

Note: This Devlog is split into sections, so feel free to take it all in or skip to what you want to know. If you read any Devlogs at all, you’re a blessing (also you’re hot).

Without further ado let’s talk about my #Once Upon A Time VN Jam Entry:

(Credit to mikalogo for this gorgeous logo!)

What is “Lord of Lies”? A good question, but before we can talk about “Lord of Lies” we need to talk about: 

Okay? What the hell is “Princess Poison”?

In short, ‘Princess Poison’ is ‘Lord of Lies’. In many ways they are the same story, but in many other ways they are two different things.

‘Princess Poison’ was actually my first full length novel I ever finished back in 2019 *gasp*- it is a 60k word, half dark fantasy/adventure, half lgbt romance novel. Written back when I was a young aspiring novelist.

‘Princess Poison’, was a story about Lawrence Bane, a 25 year old man born with a ‘witch power’ the power to track any living thing, given he has DNA to do so. He’s hired by the leader (who only goes by the code name: King) of a witch hunting group known as: “The Noble House Witch Hunters” hence, the code names for the members being: King, Queen, Prince, Princess… etc. Lawrence is hired by King to track his second in command “The Princess” and what they find when tracking her, changes Lawrence’s life forever. Sending him on a wild adventure full of danger. 

The entire story is available here on AO3 (I was bold lol).

Note: I don’t actually like the original story nor do I think you should read it, unless you have way too much time on your hands and/or morbid curiosity. I posted it here mainly to prove that it does in fact exist. For me, this story only serves as a way to gauge my growth as a writer in the last 5 years. 

The Problems with Princess Poison

What’s wrong with it? You may be asking.

Nothing especially egregious outside of just being the first full length piece I ever wrote. Most of it’s problems stem from the fact that it was an ambitious first attempt.

Princess Poison’s biggest problems were, (to name only the major ones):

Too many characters in the main cast

Villain was predictable and very cartoon-y

Too much dialogue and exposition

Poorly written fight scenes galore

No sense of time progression

Lackluster/nonexistent world building

A poorly explained power system

Complicated, jarring plot twists

Plot holes

Character arcs that amount to nothing

In short, it was a total mess. I had finished the story but, it was too much, and not enough. I was 19 when I wrote it originally (I’m 24 going on 25 for reference) it was a lot for a new author to write a story with so many moving parts. 

I was proud of myself for finishing it, and finishing it in a 3 month period. But what I was left with was a mediocre end product. 

Not to mention the actual writing for the story was lonely and torturous. I forced myself to get up at 5am and write, I forced myself through scenes I didn’t even like (but thought I needed).  It was after I finished writing it that I had a bit of crisis in regards to if I wanted to write again at all because the experience was so miserable. And what I came back with wasn’t even worth the struggle. Worst of all, I was forced to face the reality that I may not like writing as much as I thought I did although I had known I wanted to be a writer since I was 8 years old.

In order for ‘Princess Poison’ to work it would have to be completely rewritten and twice the length.

RPG Maker, The Pandemic, and Mistakes 

Okay, so after writing Princess Poison initially I took 3 months off before I decided to continue working on it. I still wasn’t sure if this was what I wanted to do. But I had convinced myself that writing is the only passion I ever had, and that this was just how it had to be.

How naive I was.

So I got to editing and enlisting beta readers. I actually have always enjoyed this process, it feels good to share your work with others (even if they are critiquing it. At least you know that you are making moves to improve your work.

And as we established this story definitely needed improvement.

The common feedback I kept getting were all the problems I listed before. My solution to these problems…I needed to rewrite it. 

But I didn’t wanna rewrite Princess Poison, I didn’t want to write a whole other novel, because it wasn’t just a couple things that needed to be tuned, it had to be built from the ground up.

So…why not make it into something that wasn’t a novel?

Enter RPG Maker.

Why RPG Maker you may ask?

At this time in my like I’d been a humongous fan of Dan and Phil for many years. And one of my favorite videos on their conjoined gaming channel, one I would rewatch a lot, was this gem: 14 YEAR OLD PHIL’S GAME - Dan and Phil Play: The Mark Of Oxin!

Basically the video is the two guys: Dan and Phil playing a game Phil had made himself when he was 14 years old in RPG Maker 2000 (I think?)

Something that stuck with me about this video was how Dan was so impressed by Phil making a game so young and finishing it. 

Phil’s game made me feel a little better about Princess Poison was it good? No. But, it existed, it was finished and best of all I’d done it all by myself, that alone was impressive. 

Had Phil kept making games, he’d have gotten better. What mattered though, was that he had fun. He shared it with his school friends, then Dan as an adult, and then the world. 

So again, why not make Princess Poison into a game?

I mean let’s go back to some of those bullet points.

Too many characters in the main cast

Perfect for RPG 

Too much dialogue and exposition

If the dialogue was optional, it would add to the experience, not take away.

Poorly written fight scenes galore

Didn’t need to write any fight scenes, you could just play through it.

No sense of time progression

The time progression in game feels a lot more tangible.

Lackluster/nonexistent world building

The world I’d be forced to build, the environments, the people that lived there, the culture, etc…

A poorly explained power system

The power system could be the battle system!

There were still obviously plenty of story related problems that still needed to be fixed, but if I wasn’t being bogged down by descriptions of environments and the logistics of fight scenes, I’d have more time to focus on the characters and plot.

So I’d started learning RPG maker, somewhere in late 2019-and all throughout 2o20, the perfect time to learn it since a little thing went around, that you may have heard of… 

COVID 19 and the pandemic! I had gotten my first apartment and had ample time to learn the program.

And boy did I! It became my hyper-fixation I put in easily 500 hours in the coarse of a couple months. I learned, and then it was finally time, nearly a year and half later to make-

Princess Poison: The Game or PP Game as I childishly called it…

At first when working on the game, I kept pretty much everything the same, whole scenes from the book put into game format. It was fun figuring out how to translate the world in my head, to a visual space. The environments especially. Then creating my characters in RPG Maker MV, developing their classes and fighting styles, etc…

I was having so much fun! More fun than I had writing since I was a middle schooler. I’d worked, and worked, rewriting a good portion of the story putting so so many hours into the game.

But I made a mistake, one many devs/game makers know to avoid.

Backup your builds.

I hadn’t, a file got corrupted, and just like that. All that work- POOF!

Gone.

All my hours, for nothing.

I was devastated. I was so angry, so tired. I mourned the loss of the game I loved so much.

I took another break, but- only for a month.

Because unlike novel writing, I did enjoy working in RPG maker, and though I’d lost basically a third of the total game. It wasn’t all lost.

I just had to work again, but this time smarter.

So I did. I somehow managed to push my grief aside, and work again.

I backed up every save, every time I made a huge addition.

I organized my maps better, I made the story more concise, I worked tirelessly until I was able to catch up where I was, and surpass it.

But another thing happened. 

Not as tragic as before, but another thing all devs know.

Burnout.

I was exhausted, I got to the point where opening the build was enough to make me feel ill and I’d close my laptop. I couldn’t stand it.

Not to mention, had I not lost the initial build. I might have been done by now.

It was 2021, and I worked on it but very slowly. Almost not at all.

I wanted a change. I had to do something else.

While looking for assets for PP Game (yes we’re still calling it that), on Lemmasoft forums, I discovered some forum posts asking for visual novel writers. I’d applied, created discord, starting using itch, and fell into the world of VN dev.

I’d done some contract writing for other studios and solo devs, but nothing really ever came to fruition, frustrated I decided to join a jam, met a programmer, and started to make my own visual novels. A boy’s love story you may know as ‘Tattoos and Tulips’, something simple for Yaoi Jam 2021. 

I failed initially with Tattoos and Tulips development and so put that aside, and turned my focus back to Princess Poison.

I worked slowly on Princess Poison for a couple more months, leading into 2022, before rebuilding a team for Tattoos and Tulips. 

I’d finished writing TNT (a story with more words than Princess Poison somehow lol) in a 3rd of the time (I wrote TNT in 3 weeks). And the kicker… I adored writing TNT, and the final product (back when I only had the script). I had realized I did love writing stories in a novel format. It was possible!

So after I had finished writing TNT I continued running the team and when I had some free time I decided what Princess Poison needed was what I had with TNT- it needed a team. 

So I started building one, a small one. Tattoos and Tulips had artists, composers, beta readers, etc…  Princess Poison had only me. So I hired an artist, I got a co-writer, and I brought on a composer, and unsurprisingly I fell back in love with it. I was going to finish Princess Poison the game finally, and under my new studio! It was all going to work out.

But then one last thing I forgot to account for happened. I backed up my saves, I took needed breaks, and had others to share my enthusiasm and breathe fresh life into the project, but life happened. 

My mental health took a horrible turn, (I’ve dealt with panic disorder since I was 6 years old and have been medicated since I was 17) I didn’t know it then, but I had stupidly avoided my medication for so long that I had started to go through withdrawals, very strong withdrawals. Leaving me anxious, depressed, and laying in bed most days for 3 months. In addition, my teammates had their own mental health issues, and personal life interferences and they had to abandon the project. I was all alone with Princess Poison again

I didn’t start to feel better until the start of 2023, I didn’t work on anything during that time other than my own health, and at that point I’d gotten a full time job. 

It was starting to feel like, even if I wanted to work on my games, I didn’t have the time. This proved to not be true. I wrote all of Crabs and Cocktails in February. Then got really involved in the indie dev scene during Otome Jam 2023, releasing Tattoos and Tulips during in April. 

I was finding my footing as a studio and dev for the first time.

I met other devs, played their games, and fell fully in love with the community. I was constantly inspired by those I spoke to and worked with. 

My development with Tattoos and Tulips, Cassie, and Crabs and Cocktails just felt for the most part second nature to me. So the problem might have been that solo developing a game just wasn’t for me…or was it?

Once Upon A Time VN Jam

Then a little jam came to town sometime in 2023 and I knew immediately I had to join, mainly because it was ran by two extremely talented and wonderful friends of mine Chimeriquement and Len. 

This jam’s premise brought up old feelings however, though Princess Poison was never a Fairy Tale or even a retelling, there were many allusions to Fairy Tales in Princess Poison, and a little seed got planted in my head. But I pushed it back, I’d tried so many times to make this project happen and it wasn’t happening. It wasn’t meant to be. So I wanted to participate but with my own new original fairy tale story.

But for some reason my brain would not leave Princess Poison. And I hated that.

That original fairy tale story got shelved, and I wondered if I was going to participate in OUAT at all…

But… I am the type of writer that goes where my heart leads me. I learned from TNT that if I wrote what my heart wanted, it would go well. 

So I did a crazy thing. I decided, I won’t do something original for this jam.

I’ll give Princess Poison one last chance.

I work a lot. And my job is the perfect place to brainstorm and one afternoon I got a lot of stuff together. 

It was as if all my years of experience writing, deving, living even- helped me develop a story that was much better than the original. Sharing a lot of it’s foundation, but with a whole new structure.

The ideas were firing on all cylinders, the characters were making sense, the plot was compelling, exciting! My playlist I made for the story made more sense now? What was going on?

The story changed, a lot. Some of the key things were the same, but so many things were different. Better.

The title even changed. Princess Poison was too juvenile, too edgy, too misleading- not what this project was.

I outlined the story, and though not perfect it was the best it had ever been.

The main thing that changed, and is directly responsible for the biggest changes in the story is the protagonists’: Lawrence’s power. Instead of tracking any living thing, he could tell verbal lies with 100% accuracy. It was the missing piece, after that everything just worked, and “Lord of Lies” was born.

Redemption Arc/Plans Going Forward

So why do you think its going to work this time? Put simply, I don’t. I am taking a leap of faith. I am solo developing this project, the only outside help is an artist I commissioned, and the support of my friends (and potential beta testers). 

It’ll be the first project under Meant to Bee Studios that isn’t made by a team. And that’s terrifying for me.

I think I am a decent writer, I can cast voice actors, I can even market a game. But to have practically everything else be my responsibility. To be creating alone again…

Except I am not alone, I have so many dev friends, many of whom solo develop themselves: Snakkiez, Lacydigital, Chattercap… and so many more! They don’t feel alone, I can learn from them. I have what Joy of the past didn’t have.

Now that doesn’t mean it will be smooth sailing.

I’ve joked on Twitter and among close friends that I feel like Lawrence- thrust into unfamiliar territory with a couple tools to guide me. I’m a young knight leaving their village to slay the dragon.

The jam is generous at 3 months, but this is a really big game. Even with all the stuff I have from last time, lots of it has to be rewritten or taken out completely so in some ways I am working from scratch. 

The cast is still large, and I worry some of them may slip through the cracks.

I’ve never balanced and RPG before.

I have to make sure the story takes as much precedent, if not more- than the mechanics and gameplay.

It’s nerve wracking and I honestly question myself every day if this is the right thing to do but, something in me is just saying it is. 

That this time will be different and that, if I just apply all I’ve learned from this journey I can finally put a cap on this project for good. 

I can beat this boss.

I’ve succeeded with every other project I have worked on, but Princess Poison was the one that got away. 

It has the most potential now than it ever has. I’ve spent so much time with these characters, so much time in RPG maker, so much time time managing, running teams, making/playing games, talking to people, living life.

If I felt like Princess Poison/Lord of Lies was beyond hope I’d have dropped it in favor of something else but I can’t. I have to see it through, I have to finish it for my own sanity. 

((I do want to note that it’s fine to give up on projects- some you just outgrow and that’s fine.)) 

But this story has grown with me: this most recent outlining process came together in a way it never had and I loved it again. For the first time, in a long time I believed in this project! And the theme, which I cannot say for sake of major spoilers, is the biggest reason this project must see the light of day. This game has the potential to be my best story to date. And that’s saying a lot since all my stories are super near and dear to my heart. But Lord of Lies can outshine them all, only time will tell. 

So here we are….

For the past month or so I have been working on this project, I have character concept sketches, in game maps, a full outline. Now I just need the strength, time, and willpower to see it through to the end. So I decided, let’s make a devlog, let’s document and make others aware of this project, let’s hold myself accountable. In addition, I’ll be reaching out to friends, streaming in discord servers my work process, and having fun with this project.

Because, in addition to some of the mistakes I had made, the biggest one dev’s make- is not having fun with what they are doing, myself included.

It’s good to get things done, there is a culture that is romanticized of ‘the grind’, and yes working hard is great! But it’s not sustainable, it’s not conducive to a project filled with passion. At least for me.

I cannot create my best when I don’t love my project. So I am going to love Lord of Lies in a way I never loved Princess Poison. 

I’m going to have a memorable 3 months with this project and right my wrongs.

I hope you’ll follow my journey, and soon playthrough Lawrence’s journey on December 31st 2023 the official release day for Lord of Lies!~

Next Week’s Devlog Sneak Peak

For next week’s Devlog; we will be taking a closer look at what Lord of Lies is, now that I’ve talked about my journey with it’s predecessor: Princess Poison is.

Next week I’ll be talking about the cast, world, mechanics, etc… in a non spoilery fashion. Giving you a glimpse into what to expect from this LGBT Romance/Dark Fantasy/Grim Fairytale/Adventure Visual Novel/RPG.

If you like the sound of that please check back in every Saturday from now until December 30th for all devlogs during development.

Credit to the wonderful: Gisselle! My sprite and CG artist! You’ll be seeing more of this cast and her work next week!

Final Note:

Unrelated but still important! Crabs & Cocktails my yaoi/bl kinetic visual novel just came out! It’s full of sex jokes, beach puns, and a silly/flirty romance between a lifeguard and a bartender! Please go check it out if you’re interested!

Until next Saturday!~

[itisjustfei]

Day 13: Favourite book

Well, it's singular, so it's going to be sooo tricky for what am I going to mention.

I'm in slump, not gonna deny it. Dan sepertinya sampai post ini dibuat, I have tons and tons of current read. Book in particular were more than 10 books.

Dan yang bakal di mention kaya nya udah lama banget gue bacanya. So, because I can't mention just one, well, mainly because I am indecisive.

Book I love for making me ugly cry, can't breath, kaya gue ngerasain sakit yg sakit banget sampe mata gue bengkak kek orang ditonjok: Autumn in Paris by Ilana Tan

Gue gampang emosional kok, apalagi kalo soal nangis, and this bitch can up the game more. Wah gue ga pernah ngerasain sedih yang sedih banget gegera baca sesuatu kaya this bitch can do. An amazing experience I suppose.

There's also A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Francis H Burnett the book that I love of how it make me feel, gw berasa tumbuh ama karakter utamanya, kayanya di buku ini deh gw bisa genuinely emphatic towards a character, biasanya gue cuma sampai ke tingkat bystander aja kalo lagi baca, but this one were an exception. It's 500 pages long and I think she should do it mooooreee.

And lastly, Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde woah, how am I going to explain, okay first, It's sooo beautiful on the words itself, that cruel beauty, the grimm of the world are so gorgeously depicted. Then the characters, omg I hate this one person but his personality is understandable, and I love to hate him for it. Oh and there's a slight bl in it I'm in awe because well, it's 18 century, and He dare to surpass that. Yes it's not like in sexually bl smut modern but anyone will also think the same when read it, it's gay y'all.

Actually, there's more than these, but like, it's ff and wn. Maybe I'll add them when the heart wants it.

[razorblade180-heated]

Too much

[It’s a smut]

It was a normal day at Beacon. Same old classes. Same old delicious lunches. Same old Blake. Well, not entirely. The girl had a problem, a snag if you will. She was currently on her bed in her school uniform, sulking more than she usually does. She patiently waited for the door to open. As she did, The words of Weiss Schnee replayed through her brain…

xxxxx

“YOU ARE DATING J-” The heiress’s mouth was covered quickly by Blake, who looked panicked.

“Ssssshhhh! What part of secret did you not understand!?” Blake said through her teeth, “we don’t want attention.”

Weiss swatted the hand away and whispered, “Sorry, but you should know better than to reveal truths out of the blue like that by now. This is crazier than the last one to be frank.”

Blake wasn’t too thrilled in Weiss’s choice of words in regards to White Fang secret, but now wasn’t the time to bicker. Blake needed her help. “Weiss, I’d like…advice. Also a bit of help.”

“Okay? On what exactly?” The concern in her voice was palpable.

Blake’s face grew a little red. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. “Any...any ideas to get a guy to sleep with you?”

Now it was Weiss’s turn to blush. “Just who do you-” she lowered her voice in consideration, “just who do you think I am!? Why are you coming to me for this!?”

“Yang gets too involved in people’s business and Ruby is...she’s Ruby! I love the girl but this is not the topic she can handle.”

Weiss looked Blake up and down. Why the girl needed help was beyond Weiss’s comprehension. It was shocking Blake wasn’t beating admires back with a stick! “How long have you been dating Jaune?” She asked.

“About...five months now? That sounds right.”

Weiss could not believe her ears. Five months, how has no one noticed!? How didn’t she notice? Then again, she did find it a bit out of character of Jaune when he stopped all of romantic efforts. Looks like this was the reason why. It might’ve been her ego talking but it stung a little to know a guy moved to the next letter in her team’s name. Would Yang have been next if Blake, hold on. A thought just occurred.

“Did you ask him out, or did he ask you?” Weiss was very curious about this

Blake blinked. That was an unexpected question. “Me, why”

“No reason.” Well that actually made Weiss feel a bit better. Not that she cared or anything! “Why do you need help with...that? I would think he’d be all over you. Can’t you, ya know? Drop hints?” A terrible expression hit Weiss. “Please tell me that dunce is ignoring basic signs?” She groaned. It would only make sense.

Blake must’ve agreed because she laughed a little. “Hehe, No Weiss, he isn’t.” Blake rubbed her head in embarrassment, “He’s well aware I’m down for sex. With all the neck kisses and body touches, the message is clear.” Blake saw Weiss’s face scrunch up. “What?” She said defensively.

“It’s unpleasant thinking about Jaune in anything less than his armor. You know that hoodie apparently has a rabbit on it, right?”

“Grow up, and that hoodie is fine. You walk around pretending to be taller than 4’11”

“I just like these shoes, and I’m five feet even when they’re off!” She proclaimed, “What is the matter then? Does he not find you physically- actually, don’t answer that.” Weiss didn’t need to know any physical reactions from Jaune. “Just tell me what typically happens as safely as possible.”

Blake took a deep sigh before speaking. “It’s usually the same song and dance. We go on dates, have a good time, find a place to get cozy, I start making moves, he starts building a little momentum, but then he stops.” Even with the bow on, Blake’s ears were clearly drooping. “He just apologies and says he can’t!”

Weiss raised a brow, “That’s it?”

“Yeah.” Blake nodded, “that’s the long and short of it.”

The problem sounded simple, and normal. Like… too normal. Weiss knew besides herself, Blake was the smartest on their team. Although not sociable, Blake could read a room better than Yang or Ruby. “Blake…” Weiss said, befuddled, “How is Jaune on these dates? Attitude wise, like is he nervous?”

“No, not really. We just talk and have fun. In the beginning we were both a little awkward but now we talk and act like we’ve known each other for a long time.”

Now Weiss was a little jealous at Jaune this time! Five months was all it took to get Blake chatting like an old friend!? The amount of groundwork Weiss and the terror sisters had to put in for Blake to even go out into town casually with them was at least two months' work! Now she’s over here trying to sleep with the guy, a thing nobody saw coming.

“I gotta say, this whole thing feels a little wild. To think five months of secrecy lead to this conversation? If he’s as calm you say then I can’t think of many reasons to panic. I mean I get someone having a little anxiety when giving up your first time, but I hear that’s mainly on the girl’s part. You’re all calm though.” Weiss said. She wasn’t expecting Blake’s eyes to shift away slightly, as if the girl was hiding something. “You are calm, right?”

“Huh? Yeah I’m totally calm” Blake clucked her tongue, “because...it’s not my first time.” Her body swayed back and forth out, trying to finish her sentence. “I’ve been in a couple relationships before this. Some good, some abysmal.”

Yet another surprise to add to the list. “Wait, you’re not a virgin?” Weiss couldn’t believe this. Who knew Blake surpassed her in many social and mature experiences. The way she usually was, Weiss couldn’t imagine Blake being that way. The girl once spent an entire weekend reading in the dorm room. This new information though made Weiss come to realize that she previously assumed. She just had to ask one more question. “Does Jaune know that?”

“Of course.” Blake said, feeling a little insulted. “I wouldn’t lie to him or not be open enough to talk about my past.

Weiss sighed in disbelief at her faunus friend. Perhaps her assessment of Blake reading a room well was a little off. As much as Jaune had been annoying to Weiss, she felt bad for his clearly anxious soul. “Blake, I expect this kind of cluelessness from our leader.”

Blake looked rough left and to the right as if anyone else was there to explain. “Uhhh what?” She said, actually a little stumped.

Weiss put her hands together like she was dealing with an interviewer with zero experience. “Let’s put it this way. You have asked me why your boyfriend, who is most definitely a virgin, shys away from sleeping with you? A beautiful girl who’s already had experience. Ya don’t think he’s you know, incredibly nervous of not meeting pre-established expectations? You know you’re boyfriend, Jaune Arc, the same Jaune Arc that worries about everything else in his life going well?”

Blake just...sat quietly for a moment. Her brain wasn’t even having a gears turning moment. She was upset with herself that those gears weren’t spinning from the beginning. There was nothing to figure out at all! She had simply glanced over that possibility! Her hands held her head as she let out a long groan. “Uuuuugggg What is wrong with me? Of course he fucking is. I’ve been so caught up thinking I was doing something physically wrong, or I was wrong.”

A part of that sounded like baggage. Baggage Weiss wasn’t about to unpack. “Well, question solved. Unfortunately, he’s right to worry. I can’t imagine anybody giving a good first performance. Has he even seen you fully naked?”

“We’ve sent pictures, and did a bit of touching. That second one though was always in...un-private areas, so clothes stayed on.

“Did you just tell me you two are doing things in public?” Weiss criticized. At this point, the girl known as Blake Belladonna might as well be a stranger. Weiss didn’t know this person! Her Blake was not this forward. When did they have time for any of this!? Was she not actually reading in the dorm room!!? “Also, I may not have ever slept with a woman, but I’m sure seeing their assets over a screen is less stressful than in my face.

Blake uncovered her face. “Explain Yang walking out the shower naked then?”

“That’s not stress you see, that’s envy. Next time she does it I’m turning the droplets on her into ice, and stop changing the subject!”

Blake threw her arms up, “Having a secret relationship means not having access to our dorms. That actually brings us to the favor I mentioned…”

“No, I will not give you money for a hotel.” Weiss deadpanned.

Blake’s jaw fell open. “Why not!? It doesn’t have to be a suite.”

Weiss rubbed the bridge of her knows as she thinks about her bank account. “No one carries enough cash to pay for a hotel room. Theoretically I could swipe my credit card, but then the bill is now in my purchase history. I do not need to explain in any capacity why I’m staying in a hotel. A person is bound to assume what I’m doing is exactly what you want to do. Nah uh, can’t do it.” Blake put her head down. Weiss couldn’t help but feel a little bad for her. She’s clearly been putting in the effort to sleep with Jaune, for some reason. Well he was...no no, that’s a rabbit hole that could stay closed. “How long do you need with him?” Weiss asked, committed to solving this problem for the sake of already being included.

Blake’s head popped up quickly . “Two, no, three hours. Give or take an extra half hour.”

Weiss blushes, “wh..why so long?”

“Just in case…” Blake mumbled, “Anything could happen.”

“For three hours? What are you, an animal in heat?” It didn’t even take a second for Weiss to realize how fucked up that question was. She placed her hand over Blake’s mouth as her friend's eyes were getting hostile. “Sorry! That was unrelated to anything, honest!”

Blake was kind enough to believe Weiss at her word, but still petty enough to lick the girl’s hand, making her shriek.

“Eeeiiik!!! Blake!”

“Three hours please.”

Weiss sighed, “Fine. Getting Ruby and Yang to stay out of there that long is doable. They always wanna drag me around to do things that will give me ‘culture’ as they put it. How are you gonna handle Jaune?”

“I….good question.”

Yep, definitely doesn’t read the room well. “Blake, just be easy with him. Reassuring words, all that stuff. It’s his first after all.”

Blake was surprised by the advice. “Wow, that’s really sweet of you to care about him like that.”

Weiss crosses her arms and turns away. “I’m doing this for you, not him. And for me. Jaune moping is way worse than when he’s confident. Hmph!”

xxxxx

“Come on Jaune! What’s taking so long?” Blake thought, fidgeting on her bed. A click of the door lock made her jump to her feet as it opened slowly. Jaune’s head peaked into the room, confused.

“Umm hello?”He looked to the right and saw Blake. “Oh, hey. I got your text and Weiss told me to swing by the moment I could. Everything okay?” Jaune walked in completely and shut the door. Something about this felt uncharacteristically serious. Even for Blake.

She took Jaune’s hand and guided him towards her bed to sit. “Okay, how to start this?” She sighed.

“I hope it starts with you telling me this isn’t a break up?” He said, worrying that he was in trouble. “That would be nice.”

Blake rubbed his back and smiled. “Relax, this isn’t that kind of talk. It’s actually...kinda the opposite.”

“The opposite? Like...marriage?” Jaune’s eyes widened. He wasn’t expecting that kind of conversation. “Don’t you think we’re too young for all that?”

Blake’s face turned red. The fact that’s where his mind went was actually pretty sweet. “Sex Jaune. I see how you got there, but I was referring to sex.” Blake mumbled. “Can we talk about it? We keep building up to it, but then you stop.”

His face got red. “I...it’s just…ummm” he couldn’t find the words. If Yang was here then he was sure a cat having his tongue pun would’ve been said. Jaune rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed about wimping out. Speaking only got worse when Blake took it upon herself to straddle his lap. Gods, she was too beautiful. Her eyes left him defenseless. The way her hands slowly ran up his chest and over his shoulders as the smell of lavender wafted over him. “Bl-Blake?”

“I like you.” She suddenly confessed, “I like you for who you are. The things you can do, can’t do, and never have done; I’m okay with all of it. If you’re thinking I’m ranking you to any previous experience, you’re wrong. The only experience I think about with you, is us. Our experiences.” Her right hand pulls his collar away from his neck. The urge to bite her lip is overwhelming as an urge in her core starts to burn. “Let me experience you.” She whispers. Blake leans in and begins kissing his neck. Honestly, she wanted to take things slower for his sake, but all but yearned for Jaune to touch her. So much so that it was a bit dizzying.

Jaune’s body flinched as Blake’s lips grazed his neck, nipping and licking it. “Blake…” Jaune moaned. His mind was still playing catch up, but his body was right on pace. His hands traveled up the feline’s toned legs and squeezed the round ass that rested on his lap, earning him a moan. Blake moved from his neck and captured his lips. Her hands went to his jawline to keep his face close. As if he thought about escaping.

Blake openly moaned as she felt his fingers kneed her ass like dough. She caught him by surprise when she slipped her tongue into his mouth, luring his into her own. Slowly, Blake locked her body back and forth to stir him up. The low groan he let out was a good sign she had done her job. Still, they have gotten this far before. Blake was determined to get further.

Her lips finally freed Jaune. The boy was flushed completely, catching his breath in rhythm with hers. Blake took the opportunity to remove only her blazer, then brought Jaune’s left hand away from her ass and onto her breast. Her fingers overlapped his and pressed down, making him squeeze it gently. “Touch me…” the lust in her voice flowed like a river. The way she felt Jaune’s hand quiver told her that he was still pretty anxious.

Jaune found it within himself to bring both of his hands to the top button of her shirt. A small smile on Blake’s face appeared as she closed her eyes and puffed her chest out a bit more as a sign to go ahead. “Take your time.” She said. Being patient wasn’t Blake’s strongest quality, but with Weiss’s advice in mind, she did her best to contain herself. It was funny. Jaune being nervous was actually making her heart beat faster.

Cool air hit her chest as her shirt was undone, revealing a purple lace bra. Firm hands went around her back. “I can handle the bra if you’re having tr-” a little pop noise was made as her bra strap was undone faster than her shirt. “Trouble…” she finished.

Jaune let out a sheepish chuckle. “Hehe, seven sisters, remember. I’m no stranger to how bras work. They left them everywhere.

“Jaune, you’re like a bag of tricks.” Blake smiled, “I just never know what comes next with you. That being said, I have a good idea that I'll be leading from here.” Blake let her bra fall, making Jaune gasp under his breath. Blake found his reaction to her D sized chest. His face got redder by the second as Blake brought his hands to them.

Jaune refused to speak. He’d hate to ruin the mood right now. He couldn’t believe how soft Blake felt. The way his fingers pressed against her as he massaged each boob. His pointer fingers grazed over her pale, pink nipples made the girl settle more into his lap.

“Mmmm~” Blake moaned, biting her lip from the touch. Jaune took it as a sign to keep going. A wise choice. Blake once again started to buck her hips against what had to be Jaune’s rock hard erection. Even with clothes on, it’s heat reached Blake’s equally hot core. Blake’s hands got busy. She scooted back a bit for them to have enough room to unbuckle Jaune’s pants. Her fingers traced along his lower stomach before dipping below the waistband and wrapping the throbbing erection. Blake leaned forward to capture his tongue yet again as he groaned from the feeling of her nimble fingers stroking his down.

Blake managed to pull his length up and out of his pants completely. She scooted forward again and rubbed his exposed cock against her wet panties. Her clit ground against the shaft. Blake mewled lustfully from Jaune squeezing her breast harder than before. Blake felt her tongue get drawn in and sucked on lightly. Someone was getting excited. The hot precum that ran down her hands only made it easier for Blake to pump faster.

Jaune couldn’t contain his groans and grunts. His hands gripped Blake’s ass again to hold her close. His kiss with her was broken by her going to kiss and bite his neck. “Blake…”

“Sshhh” Blake whispered, “cum for me.” If it wasn’t for her underwear, Jaune’s cock would be sliding up and down her soaked folds right now. The tip pressed against her clit and sent a shiver through Blake’s body that made her grind harder against it. She could tell Jaune was at the end of his rope. His hands gripped her even tighter as Jaune’s throbbing length finally let out a thick white seed that painted Blake’s moist thighs and panties. Blake smiled seductively as she slowed down the roll of her hips, letting him ride out his pleasure and wring out whatever remained inside.

“Blake!” Jaune hissed from the pleasure. Her hands pressed against his rising chest, making him lean back until his forearms had to support his body. Blake dismounted him to stand up for a moment then raised the sides of her soiled skirt, giving Jaune a clear view of the mess he made on the girl.

“Someone’s healthy.” Blake teased, “I wasn’t expecting so much.” Blake’s face became a deep red. Imagining the thought of this load inside her made her weak in all the right ways.

The sight of his and Blake’s arousal slowly trailing down her well toned legs was enough to leave anyone speechless. It didn’t help that her black panties were damp enough to outline the entrance to what Jaune would know to be a very intense experience. And as bad as he wanted it, Jaune couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed by his performance. “Not to kill the mood or sound ungrateful, but cumming alone is a bit… ehhh” was the best way he could describe himself.

Blake playfully rolled her eyes. Boys will be boys. “Well it’s not like we’re finished yet. Besides I literally told you cum. Rest assured I’ll get my moment a bliss before the end of this. Just have a bit of confidence. We’re still foreplaying.”

“I’m not an expert on this but is foreplay always this intense? I don’t think I’ve ever came that hard.” He admitted.

“It varies. Honestly...” Blake looked down at Jaune’s semi-flaccid dick. She slowly walked closer to the bed. Her hand tugged on Jaune’s slacks, prompting him to scoot down a bit more until Blake felt he was close enough. The young woman pulled a bit harder to pull his pants down and of the way of getting ruined. All why never taking her eyes off of him or is cum covered length. “....I like watching how good I make you feel.” She purred, getting excited again.

Jaune has no response to such a confession. Nor could he say anything as she bent over to grab his dick. Just her touching it was enough to make him grow. To get points even further across, Blake’s golden eyes looked right into his eyes as she made him tremble from placing her tongue at the base and lick up; agonizingly slow and deliberate too.

Blake took her time swirling around Jaune to collect the remnants of his load before taking him into her mouth for real. Jaune’s body tensed immediately and hand instinctively went to her head to brace himself as she bobbed up and down. His fingers wrapped around strains of hair, tugging them. Blake purred again with him down her throat and began watching him squirm.

“Blake!” He gasped. The girl only sped. Each time she went lower and lower while her tongue stroked the underside of his shaft. Before Jaune knew it, he was fully erect again and felt like he could cum again if she continued. “Blake! T-Timeout!” He yelled.

Blake gladly stopped. She had proved her point, gotten him hard again, and was pleasantly surprised to learn Jaune wasn’t that bitter in the slightest. Maybe it was his natural scent or something but Blake could see herself getting a bit too into sucking him off. That taste lingered on her and made her body burn up. “Need a break?”

“Not really.” He fibbed, knowing full well a girl who just went down him could probably tell just how into that experience he was. “I just… If I’m coming twice, I’d rather you get some action too.”

“Oh, okay.” Blake’s heart fluttered a bit. He really wanted her to feel good with him. “Then, let’s skip to the fun part.” Blake removed her panties that really should’ve removed earlier, along with the skirt.

Jaune marveled at his beautiful girlfriend who stood before him. Yeah they had sent pictures and sure she’s been topless for several minutes now, but it felt different once everything came off. Her long, beautiful legs went on each side of him, letting him have a full view of a wanting velvet core that hovered above his cock. A thin line of Blake’s arousal made both of teens blush as it dripped onto him. Jaune took his right thumb and pressed against her entrance, rubbing it slowly and watching how it coated his thumb.

“Mmmm~” Blake let out a breath that shook with excitement. Her chest began to rise and fall more distinctly and her back arched ever so slightly as she closed her eyes. “Please don’t fucking team me too long.” She moaned, nudging her hips to gain more friction.

Jaune was mesmerized by the way she acted. He sunk his thumb into her just to watch her crane her neck up and moan again. If he wasn’t excited before, he was now. “You’re so fucking wet…” pushing further in to feel her walls tighten. He kept a slow rhythm when pulling out, just to push right back in.

Blake bit her lip. Her hands ran up his shirt to expose his chest. She had to remember to thank

Pyrrha for putting Jaune through such rigorous training. He was well on his way to being the huntsman he so dearly dreamed of. It was funny but the more Blake thought it about, the more she realized what made her so drawn to him. Even when Jaune lacked experience, he set his sights high. Sure they could be a little too high at times, but you know what? There was something great about that. “I thought I told you not to tease me? I want you to give it to me.” Blake purred. She mustered the resolve to pry Jaune’s hand from her body and took hold of something much bigger and lively. “Ready for a ride? Just relax and let me lead okay?”

Jaune nodded. He watched Blake lower herself without a second thought. His hips instinctively bucked up as he felt the indescribable pleasure of wet, heated walls pulled him in tightly, refusing to let go. Jaune closed his eyes and gripped her waist.

“Feeling good?” Blake shuddered. The feeling of Jaune rubbing her insides so deep made her want to move immediately. Blake put her hands against Jaune’s chest and began rocking her hips. The grip Jaune had on her tightened. A low groan strained from his throat. Blake leaned forward until her breast pressed against him. “It gets better.” Her knees started feeling weak as raised her hips, having Jaune’s dick slid out until the tip remained. Blake then dropped her hips down, slamming his cock back inside of her. Again and again she did that, picking up the speed each time until the sound of her ass smacking against his lap filled the room and rocked the bed. Blake’s body was on autopilot. The feeling of her womb being invaded and walls being grazed, shocked Blake each time Jaune’s dick spearheaded inside of her wanting pussy. “Oh fuck yes…” Blake gasped, licking and biting Jaune’s neck.

The boy was going through it right now. Never had Jaune felt this kind of heat. No amount of foreplay could prepare anybody for this. Each slight movement felt like a jolt of lightning. His mind and body were conflicted. On one hand, Jaune wanted to hold out as long as possible. Yet his hips had other plans. Jaune couldn’t stop himself from timing his movements with Blake’s, thrusting deep into her for even greater pleasure

Blake had no problem with this whatsoever. “Ahhh~ just like that!” Blake encouraged, “You’re so deep...mmmm” the heat between them only grew. Their bodies worked up a sweat and Blake found herself panting more than moaning. Letting Jaune cum once was a good idea. Not only for him to last longer for this moment, but even Blake wasn’t confident her experience would give her an edge against his stamina. High sex drive or not, Blake knew herself well. Satisfying her needs wasn’t as trying as Jaune might think. Especially when she’s topping.

Blake sat up and leaned back a bit. She braced her hands behind her back and began rocking back and forth with Jaune completely inside of her.

Jaune couldn’t take his eyes off of Blake’s body as it grinded on him. The woman’s eyes were shut tight as she focused on the pleasure, while her boobs bounced from each rock. “You’re so beautiful.” He said without thinking. The compliment was heard though, since Blake immediately started going even faster. Jaune let out another groan. He wanted her so bad. Sitting still just wasn’t his style.

Blake’s concentration was broken when she felt strong arms around her lower back. She opened her eyes to see the blonde knight sit up as well. “Jaune?” She said confused. Instead of answering her. Jaune gave her a chaste but strong kiss before his mouth went suck on one of her tits. “Jaune!” She moaned, gripped his hair. Blake arched her back as she felt him lick and suck it, while groping the other one. The assault on her body only intensified when his remaining free hand fell to her ass to squeeze it while she continued to fuck herself on his dick until her mind felt foggy. “This is...too much!” Her hand clung to him. “And you were worried!?” She asked knowing he couldn’t speak right now.

Jaune might’ve been happy by the question if he wasn’t too busy fighting off his fast approaching orgasm. It was crazy Blake was the one saying he was doing too much. Her scent, the way her body pressed against his, the sounds that escaped her beautiful lips, and the way she moved her hips. As if she was trying to milk everything out of him all at once. Every part of her wax too much yet Jaune could only want more, surrendering to the embrace of her soaked walls. Jaune gasped for air. “Blake, I….I can’t...”

Words were beyond him. All he could do was buck in between Blake’s legs.

A seductive smile grew on her face as she went faster. “That’s right, fuck me just like this….and cum. Blake leaned into his, “Hard…”

A slave to her voice, Jaune obeyed Blake’s words without fail. He could only manage several more intoxicating moments before the urge to cum was too strong to deny. Jaune held her close and kept her there; shooting ropes white inside her.

Blake felt Jaune bite down on her shoulder as he filled her deep. All the rough touches and spasms was more than enough to push her over the edge. “Shit…” she said with a shrill voice. Her arms and legs wrapped tightly around his body and Blake buried her face in the crook of neck. Blake tried resisting but her nails dug into his back as her orgasm finally hit. Every muscle in her body tensed up. Her toes curled and she could feel Jaune throbbing inside her as her body tried taking everything the boy had to give.

Neither could speak. They could only cling to each other for what felt like forever before the waves of pleasures finally subsided. Blake was the first to loosen her grip. The girl's limbs released tension and she had zero desire to move an inch. It was only when Jaune went to tilt her head up by her chin that the two looked at each other with a mix of gratification and exhaustion. Blake positioned his hand for her head to rest in, purring at the feel of his touch.

Jaune let out at chuckle. He fell backwards onto the bed with Blake following him down. The girl laid on top of him and continued purring.

“Yeah I don’t see what you were worried about.” She said, teasingly.

“Hey, when Blake Belladonna says she wants to have her way with you, panic sets in. So, good time?”

Blake flicked his forward. “You have me laying on top of you naked and purring.”

“Yeah, fair point. Phew, well that’s good. I like making you happy.”

Blake blushed as she felt his arms hold her gently. “Hmm well looks like you’ve given me a new experience after all.”

“What, cuddling after sex?”

“Mmmhmmm.” Blake hummed, “No time to cuddle when you’re you know, working in a cult. Luxuries like that don’t exist.”

Jaune smirked, “Gee, I never would’ve guessed.” Blake pinched him for that sarcastic remark. Not that it actually did anything. “Well I’m happy to be your first post sex cuddle experience. Though it’s a little risky isn’t it?”

“We have like three hours before anyone shows up. It’s fine.”

“Not exactly the issue I had in mind but good to know.”

Blake’s eyelids felt heavy. That was until the feeling of Jaune’s hands on her butt shocked her away. The feeling of him swelling inside her again made her shudder. Stamina was dangerous. “Please, fifteen minutes. We have like three hours.” She groaned. “Then I’ll have you screaming all over again.”

“Fine by me, but this time I’m getting you off at least twice. Two to one just isn’t fair. I want you just as pleased as me.”

Looking back on things, Blake mentally retracted her statement about boys and their pride. Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. “I’ll hold you to that.” Blake closed her eyes and got some rest.

xxxx

“We’re back!” Yang shouted as she walked in with her two teammates. She looked over to see Blake chillin on her bed reading in her sleeping clothes. “Gee if it wasn't for your clothes then I would’ve believed you actually sat there and read the entire time. I’m surprised you haven’t finished all of your books.”

“I’m a slow reader.” Blake blatantly lied. “I did finish a couple of times, books I mean.” Her eyes looked up from the pages to see Weiss staring at her in voiceless disbelief. She wiggled her eyebrows, making Weiss turn red.

The heiress turned around and walked out the room.

“Weiss, where are you going?” Ruby asked.

The Schnee sighed and kept walking. “A place that makes sense.”

Ruby didn’t know what that meant she looked at Yang who shrugged, then to Blake who masterfully controlled her laughter. “Huh, I guess Blake reading slowly through her for a loop?”

It was impossible for Blake not to place her book over her face and smile behind it. “Never change Ruby.” She muttered, “Never change.”

[forsakenoathkeeper]

I Am Alive (chapter 1/?)

Chapter 1: A Nurse for Androids

Deviant!Connor[RK800] x (fem!)Reader Rated M(18+) for canon-typical violence and gore, medical procedures, and graphic sexual content

Synopsis: You were a biomechanical engineer, a fancy way of saying that you repaired androids. After the revolution, you decided to move back to Detroit to offer aid as, essentially, a nurse. After stopping by to visit an old friend, you began to grow attached to his android partner.

Chapters • 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • 19 • 20 • 21 • 22 • 23 • 24 • 25 • 26 • 27 • 28 • more coming soon

You can also read on AO3 & thank you for supporting me ♥

"Lieutenant, this place is-"

Connor stopped himself when he caught the look Hank was giving him. It was something akin to a scowl, though his lip was a bit more crooked and his eyes were more annoyed than angry.

"Hank," Connor corrected himself. "This place is-"

"Can it," the detective groaned, knowing full well he was about to get criticized for living in a dump.

Connor caught himself smiling a little, despite the fact he had just been told to shut up. There was something oddly satisfying about getting on Hank's nerves, especially when it was over harmless things. 'Banter' was what it was called.

Hank had been sober since the revolution, and that was nearing six months ago. It was a little difficult for Connor to get a grasp on how that made him feel. 'Proud' seemed to be the word that came up the most in his searches. He was proud of his partner and wanted to congratulate him.

The older detective insisted 'I don't need nuttin' and 'don't buy me no damn gifts' when Connor suggested they celebrate. After some insistence, Hank reluctantly agreed to let Connor help him clean his house. It seemed to go hand in hand with Hank's new resolve: get your shit together, tidy up the place, buy some new fucking furniture.

"Isn't the point of this whole deviant thing to not do stuff for humans?" Hank asked, mopping the kitchen while Connor loaded up 'Hank's crap' in a box to be donated.

"I'm doing this because I want to," Connor insisted. He paused and turned to Hank. "We could test it? Tell me to do something."

Hank leaned against the broom, eyeing the android suspiciously. "Fine. Trim Sumo's nails."

Connor did not even break eye contact. "No."

Hank let out a howling laugh. "Smartass."

The android smiled and resumed what he had been doing. It all made sense, why humans got such a rise in telling people to fuck off, why Hank had no issue telling Connor to 'mind his own damn business' when he scolded him for his choice in food. Free will felt good. Connor had his own apartment, collected a paycheck. He went to work every day because he wanted to.

The doorbell rang and Connor eyed Hank first.

The lieutenant shrugged his shoulders. "Knock yourself out. Probably just some damn door to door salesman."

Connor trotted over to the front door. When he answered , he was greeted by a pretty woman, a few inches shorter than him, with a bright smile and beaming eyes. She had a curious demeanor: like she had knocked on this door dozens of times. Well, you had, it had just been a long time.

Before he could utter a word-

"Holy shit," you exclaimed through a wild grin. You had expected Hank to answer the door. But, a familiar face did instead. His hair was neatly trimmed with just a few devious strands fallen over his forehead, kind brown eyes and a squared jaw. Most guys grew out of their freckles. You were pleased to see that he did not.

His eyes flickered with confusion at the sight of you. It was to be expected, so you didn't overthink it.

Excitement overwhelmed you and you reached forward, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, pulling him down into a friendly embrace. He was frozen stiff in the door way, one hand still on the handle while the other hung limp at his side.

"God you got tall," you murmured happily into the space above his shoulder. You pulled back and looked into his confused eyes.

"Cole, don't tell me you forgot your best friend?" you teased. His head tilted slightly and his brow softened.

In the corner of your eye, you could see Hank approaching from the kitchen. When you saw the look on his face, your excitement settled down. He did not look like the police officer you knew growing up. His once clean shaven face was covered in a messy beard. His once neatly trimmed hair was long and shaggy. He had greyed a tremendous amount, likely from stress.

Yet, his kind eyes were the same as you remembered.

"Officer Anderson," you addressed him with a smile.

Hank didn't even have to ponder over who you might be. You were all grown up, sure, but like hell he'd ever forget the kid his kid spent most of his time with. He uttered your name with a sort of fondness that brought you right back to your childhood. However, there was something equally depressing in the way he said it.

"I am very sorry; but, I am not Cole."

Your eyes returned to the young man in front of you, the one you had just embraced. He offered his hand to you. You gawked up at him for a moment, processing what he had just said. It was then that you finally saw it, the solid blue LED on his temple.

Embarrassment flushed your face; so, you took his hand to try to drown it out. "My name is Connor and I am a detective with the Detroit Police Department," he introduced himself proudly.

"I - I'm sorry. That was very rude of me," you apologized, voice so much smaller than it was a few seconds ago. Connor didn't seem bothered at all by what had just occurred.

"Good to see ya', kid," Hank grunted. You nodded at him and forced a smile. Hank did not.

The older detective made a gesture, beckoning you inside. "Why don'tja come in..."

The android, Connor, stepped out of the way and you followed Hank into his living room. It had not changed one bit since the last time you were here: the same shaggy carpets and wrinkly old couch and faded recliner.

He had not said it yet; but, as you took a seat and began to process everything, you knew what was coming. Hank took a seat in his recliner and leaned forward, elbows on his lap. You felt your heart sink into your stomach and blood rush to your ears.

"Cole died, not long after you moved away," Hank explained. "This hunk'a'plastic is my partner." He motioned at Connor with a wave of his arm. "Sorry," he added on gruffly.

He had died... that long ago? And you had no idea... You had grown up, graduated college, lived through a quarter of your life already and Cole was... was gone, had been gone, long before he could experience much of anything.

"Hank - shit - I'm sorry. I came barging in here and-..." Hank waved you down, hoping to calm the storm that was beginning to brew. You continued, however, trying to settle the unease in your voice. "Me being here - it probably brought back painful memories. I should leave."

"Brought back memories, ya. Not painful ones," he replied, tone low, but sincere. "Less you count the time he fell outta the tree and broke his arm. You blamed yourself. So, I had two crying kids. Fucking hell."

His grumpy, yet playful tone, brought a smile to your face, and you choked out a laugh. "It was my fault," you giggled out.

"Yeah, well. That's a'right. He wore that cast like a medal," Hank replied with a soft smile, eyes looking off into nothing for a moment.

"I just wanted to say hi - check in on you guys," you explained, sniffling. You wiped some tears away before standing up. "I'm a mechanic - er, nurse - for androids. Moved back here to help, after the revolution - well, y'know. It's gonna be awhile before we can figure out a healthcare plan for androids."

"Sounds like you got a lot on your plate," Hank replied.

"Well, I'm glad to hear you're still a cop. I imagine you'll be hearing from me a lot - abuse cases, y'know?"

"I'm glad you made something of yourself," the older detective added on, fatherly tone catching you off guard. It forced a sincere smile to your face.

"I better get outta here," you breathed. "Oh! Uhm - here - in case you ever need to get ahold of me." You pulled a card out of your pocket and offered it to Hank before offering another one to the android. You avoided his gaze in the process, but he took the card eagerly.

"I'm mainly gonna be stationed at Thirium Clinic. They just opened a couple weeks ago. Lots of... well, battle wounds and-..." You trailed off when Hank nodding in understanding. Tensions were still running high, violent protests were inevitably going to continue for a very long time.

Hank yanked his wallet out of his pocket and tucked the card away.  In the corner of your eye, you could see Connor do the same with the card you handed him. "Thanks, kid. My cell never changed if you still have it."

"Good to know. Thanks, Hank."

"If we meet again, I hope it is under good circumstances," the android - Connor - stated. Your eyes landed on him, a natural response from trained politeness.

You tried not to be overwhelmed by the site of him. He looked like Cole - like Cole had grown up and matured into a handsome young man. His soft brown eyes and freckles clashed deliciously with his sharp jawline. His designers had even put texture in his skin around his mouth and along his jaw and chin, suggesting he shaved every morning. Most androids had flawless skin; but, Connor had visible pores.

"I hope so, too," you replied, forcing your eyes away from his face.

Did Hank know what Connor looked like? He said they were partners. Did Hank choose Connor? Was he made for Hank? Did Connor know what he looked like? You had lots of questions. But, none of them were even mildly appropriate.

"Hank, thank you for letting me bug you for a bit. It was nice."

He smiled a crooked smile. "Sure thing, kid. Now, get off my lawn."

You returned his smile and saw yourself out.

As soon as the door closed, Connor's mouth was open.

"Don't you apologize or any other dumb shit," Hank scolded him.

Connor's mouth made a quiet sound when he smacked it closed.

"Back to work," Hank groaned.

...

...

...

Luck had it that you saw Hank and his android companion less than a week later. It first came in the form of a text from the older detective.

'connor fucked up his hand you working?' was what it read. You replied with a simple 'yes' and two of Detroit's finest were walking through the sliding door to the Thirium Clinic.

When you approached them, Connor had a towel wrapped loosely around his hand, the cotton stained blue from all the thirium that had leaked out of him.

"Hope you didn't expect something fancy," you said shyly as you ushered the boys over to a booth. The place was clearly an abandoned grocery store turned medical office. They had not yet put up any real walls, just portable ones to give the illusion of privacy. Simply put, it was a shit show

Connor sat down and propped his arm on the chair's operating arm. You took a seat next to him, flipped on the hovering light, and carefully removed the towel.

"Really? Have you seen my house?" Hank barked.

You chuckled at that; but, the laughter died off when you exposed Connor's injuries. The sheeting - skin, if you will - was completely torn off Conner's right hand: his palm, the pads of his fingers, even a few inches down his wrist. The wiring was exposed, and you could already spot several that needed to be replaced. His hand felt stiff as concrete, further proving the damage you had feared.

"Shit," you cursed, spinning away from him in your chair to a nearby filing cabinet. You fished out some wires, and continued fishing until you found the right ones for his model.

Connor had remained quite still, you realized, when you came back around. You looked over his arm again, mentally preparing yourself for the path ahead.

"Aside from the obvious missing tissue and thirium loss, it's like nerve damage," you explained over your shoulder to Hank.

"Damn it, Connor," he grunted.

"Sorry, lieutenant," the android replied, intentionally robotic, but with the slightest smirk on the corner of his lip.

You had to choke down a laugh. "I'm glad it hasn't been hurting you, Connor. But, this might," you warned him as you set down the wires.

"I understand," he replied firmly.

He twitched a little when you plucked the first wire. For the rest, he managed to stay still. With how close you were, you could occasionally hear him let out a quiet, sharp hiss, so quiet that Hank was unlikely to hear it. You ended up replacing almost every wire that ran from his digits, through his palm, and down his wrist to the first joint bracket. Listening to him wince in pain never got any easier.

"Finally. Done with the wires," you breathed once the last one was secured. You leaned back and let Connor flex his fingers and twist his hand. He began to rotate his wrist around when you decided to stop him, gently cupping the back of his hand.

You did this all the time; but, you were faintly aware of heat blossoming on your cheeks as you held Connor’s hand. You silently scolded yourself, feeling a little too old to have a silly crush.

"Gotta patch you up, then a thirium transplant," you breathed.

Before it would adhered to an android and take on a skin tone, their flesh was pale, metallic, shiny and sparkly. It was also something between plastic and silicone, and had to be melted.

Hands were detailed, with corners and wrinkles, and much harder to get right than patching a wound on a thigh, which meant it would take a little longer. You had a handheld device that made it easier. It looked almost like a tattoo gun, and allowed you to carefully adhere it over the gaping wounds on his hand.

Normally, you had to ask your patients to be still. Connor seemed to be doing a great job of handling that without needing to be told. As you finished, you watched in awe as the flesh took on the peachy, light color of his factory default skin tone.

With a sigh, you set your tools down and maneuvered over to a nearby storage container holding bags of thirium. You wished one out and handed it to the detective. His levels weren’t low enough to require manual insertion. He could do it a more conventional way.

It was almost funny that androids were designed this way, that their only existing digestive track was to take in more blood. Keeping their thirium levels in the proper range was the closest equivalent they had to the need for nutrients.

Connor smiled gratefully as he took the bag from your hand. “That should be good,” you stated, trying not to feel so bashful beneath his gaze. “Let me know if anything feels wrong in your han-”

It was an unexpected door slam that shattered the moment. Some gasps sounded from the around room, You stood up and looked towards the entrance to see a severely damaged android limping in, a gun in his left hand and his right cradling a wound. He was wearing scraggily clothes that looked unfitting with his prim and proper haircut.

"I want an android doctor!" he demanded, the gun tight in his hand but pointed to the floor. His posture suggested he was scared to use it. However, that did not stop Connor from drawing his own gun.

"Wait," you hissed at him, pushing his arm down.

Connor uttered your name in a scolding tone as you stepped away from the chair and approached the injured android.

You took slow steps towards him, palms exposed in a display of yielding.

"S-stop!" he stuttered, shouting at you. Yet, he didn't point the gun at you.

"Hi. What is your name?" you asked him, not bothering to try and hide your nervousness. Everyone was staring at him nervously, patients near the door scrambling to get away from him.

He hesitated, looking at you with fear in his eyes. "T-Thomas..."

"Hi, Thomas," you replied, trying your best to steady your voice. "I'm sorry but all the nurses here are human. We came here from all over the country to help androids. You don't need the gun."

"No!" he cried out. "I don't want any humans touching me!"

Thomas was not just handsome, he was gorgeous. He had the type of pretty face people dreamt about and bright blue eyes. It didn't take a genius to determine what he was made for.

"Thomas, no one here is going to do anything that you don't want," you spoke to him, firmly. That was easy to say without fear, because it was the truth. "I promise."

You stepped closer, one foot at a time, and kept your eyes on his. You offered your hand and watched the fear slowly melt away behind his eyes.

"H-humans lie," he uttered, choked up, tears threatening to fall.

"I know. I'm sorry, Thomas," you replied quietly. For a moment, you had forgotten that everyone was still staring. "You're free now. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Thomas, I want to help you. But, before I can, I need you to put the gun down."

"I don't wanna go back," he whimpered. He didn't point the gun at you, but he held it as if to declare that he would use it to make sure that wouldn't happen.

"Are they making you work, Thomas? Your owners?" you asked, watching his face contort in agony. His LED was hidden behind his hair; but, when he turned his head, you could see it blaring red.

"They don't own you anymore," you said, firmly, anger shining through. "Please let me help you."

You stepped a little closer and, this time, he lifted the gun enough that it pointed at you. You almost could see down the barrel.

"It's okay to be afraid. I am, t-too, Thomas," you continued, lifting your hands a little higher. He was sobbing, now, fat tears falling down his cheeks, tinted blue from the stress. His hand, gripping the gun, was shaking.

"Y-you're going into shock from lack of thirium. Please, Thomas, please put the gun down and let me save you!"

His grip had weakened; before you could react, a hand came out of the corner of your field of view and grabbed the gun, effortlessly yanking it from Thomas' grasp. The android collapsed onto his knees in a fit of sobbing, clothing soaked in blue that oozed onto the floor.

Connor stood over the android, Thomas' gun now firmly in his grasp. When did he-? That fast... or had you just not seen him sneaking up behind you?

You brushed past Connor and joined Thomas on the ground. You offered your hand again and he stared at it for a moment. He gasped, once, then twice, before finally taking your hand. Another nurse was at your side in seconds and helped Thomas to his feet. The android was babbling on static, on the verge of powering down.

Connor watched you stagger away with the android, his thirium seeping all over you and staining your scrubs. You were still speaking to him in that gentle voice, ushering him to calm down. All the surrounding patrons had relaxed and continued on as they were. Connor was still holding the gun in his hand. It was covered in buildup, likely uncleaned for years; but, it felt heavy, definitely loaded with a full magazine.

He was so hyper-focused on you that he did not even notice Hank approaching. "You alright, Connor?" Hank asked, knocking the android's arm with his own.

"She's amazing," he replied quietly.

Hank laughed at his declaration. "Look at you getting all doe-eyed." Hank clapped a hand over Connor's shoulder and dragged him towards the door. "Come on, Tiger. With your track record, I'm sure you'll be back in here in no time."

...

...

...

Admiration, Connor realized, is what he felt for you. You were smart, independent, strong. He was impressed with the way you handled an agitated android. He was even more impressed by how much you cared about them. Or, maybe flattered was a better word? He didn't quite know. He just knew that he couldn't stop thinking about you.

"Earth to android," Gavin bellowed, snapping his fingers in the android's face.

Connor looked up at him with an unbothered expression. He was seated at his desk and Gavin, apparently, had been leaning over him, trying to get his attention.

"Watching porn in your head or something, tin can?" he suggested with a sneer.

"I was going over the case files, which happened to be far more important than your whining," Connor replied coolly.

Gavin slammed his hands on the android's desk. "There's still a score to settle. Test me, motherfucker," he growled.

"Sure. Name the game," the android replied with a small smirk.

"Quite the pair on ya' for someone with no balls," Gavin said through clenched teeth.

Connor glared at him slightly, a retort bubbling up in his throat. He did, actually. Without the function of human genitalia, but passable for a real pair, so to speak.

"Maybe if you called him by his name, he would answer," another detective suggested, delivering a harsh slap to Gavin's back as he passed by.

Gavin swung around and hollered at the passerby. "Yeah, when I'm fucking dead!"

Connor rolled his eyes and returned to the computer screen in his mind. He was looking at case files, actually. He just wasn't... thinking about them.

"Another human killed by an android. You'd know all about that. So, enjoy," Gavin declared proudly, dropping a file on Connor's desk. He could care less if Gavin spent the rest of his life hating his wires. But, another detective had... defended him? How... odd. But, not unwelcomed.

Connor opened the case file and took a breath that he didn't need.

...

...

...

Coincidences... Perhaps, a glitch in the matrix? Or just pure luck.

The very morning after patching up Connor, you were in line to get coffee with none other than Hank right in front of you.

"You stalking me?" he teased, hands shoved into his coat pockets and breath visible in front of his face. Most of the snow had thawed, but it was still too damn cold outside.

"Probably," you replied dryly. "This place is the only good place in town."

"Great minds think alike," Hank agreed.

It was your turn to order everyone coffees, so you had several on the way. You and Hank waited together, and even after he got his single mug, he still waited alongside you.

"Whatever it is you wanna ask, just ask, kid," he grumbled.

"Just surprised you got an android partner," you uttered, looking away from him nervously.

"I didn't like him at first. He grew on me, and he's a damn good detective," Hank answered, pausing to take a sip of his coffee. "Don't be embarrassed 'bout confusing him with Cole. I'm not oblivious to the way he looks."

You looked over to Hank, who looked oddly peaceful despite what he was saying.

"Those Cyberlife bastards knew he was gonna be partnered with me. I doubt it was an accident."

Your brow shot up at his implication. "Connor was made to be a detective android, then?"

Hank nodded into his drink. "Yep."

"Does he like being a detective?"

"I asked him that once, when he wanted to come back after all the... protests. He said his programming was gone, no more 'lines of code' telling him what to do... but he still wanted to solve crimes. All I can do is hope it's what he wants, and not choosing the path of least resistance."

"Me too," you whispered, far too fondly for your own good. Hank shot you a look; but, luckily, the barista came to your rescue and called out your name.

"Bye, Hank!" you hollered, rushing to the counter to grab your drinks and see yourself out. It wasn't entirely for selfish reasons. The clinic was waiting, after all.

[rocketink]

YOUR EYES TELL

In which you kiss Wonwoo twice at a party while getting over your ex and now you have a huge crush on him while you try to look for your soulmate. Or, your soulmate mark means how many times you’ve kissed them and now you have to ask your exes around while trying to accept there’s no way Wonwoo’s kisses have something to do with you.

Pairing: Wonwoo x gender neutral reader

Genre: angst + fluff

wc: 2.8k (I’m sorry I keep making them so long!!)

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and maybe a curse word around there + a very hateful ex that says mean things to y/n :(

notes: credits to tiktok for this type of soulmate!! I found it very interesting haha // mingyu’s minghao’s soulmate aus! I’ve been a little lost I’m sorry, I just need to find inspiration sometimes and I wasn’t feeling like writing:( also!! Shall I continue with soulmate aus or should I start thinking about the gossip girl series?

You still don't know what to do with the number two next to a pair of drawn lips that you can see on top of your head when you watch your reflection in the mirror. This can only mean one thing: you've kissed your soulmate two times. Your mother already warned you, this type of soulmate is almost exclusively from your family, and if your counter says 0 you're in a risky position because you don't feel like kissing random people in any place of their body until you find your other half. But when the day comes and your counter already has the number two in it, you feel nothing but relief. Initially, of course, because that could only meet one thing: you have already kissed that person, a low number of times.

You want to tear your hair apart before dialing Seungkwan. He would either make a big deal out of it or be completely chill and transparent. You don't know if you like what he could tell you, but you decide to take the risk.

"I've got some big news," you say right when he picks up.

"Oh really? Me too!" He seems happy today, that's good.

"On the count to three, we'll say what we have to say, okay?" Seungkwan hums in approval and you sigh.

"I got my soulmate mark today,"

"Vernon has finally asked someone out... WAIT, WHAT?"

"It's so good that Vernon has finally risked his life asking someone out! He still has all the parts of his body doesn't he?"

"Vernon's unlucky love life is not important now, tell me everything about your mark!"

So you tell him, knowing you can explain yourself to the fullest because Seungkwan is fond of details. You tell him how you almost fainted this morning, how glad you are for not having to kiss some stranger's ass, how unsure you are of your future right now and how you can't start the list of how many people you've kissed on your own.

"Let's make a list together, then!" Seungkwan's too giddy about this, he's teasing you, and you know it, "where should we start?"

"Jeon Jungkook."

"Wait, really?"

"Yep, the first year of high school was wild, not much kissing but it was there. Then there's Im Changkyun, but we were still too young so we didn't kiss much, we mainly held hands. And then there's..."

"Kyungho..." Seungkwan whispers his name as if it was forbidden, and you almost laugh at your friend's hatred towards your latest ex.

"Seungkwan, breaking up with someone because you are not compatible is not a bad thing."

"It's not. Doing it over a text message and two weeks after you started dating and then blocking you is."

"Yeah, right." Seungkwan's right, Kyungho was an asshole to you, he behaved like a kid when you were acquaintances and it didn't change when you began dating. Throughout your two weeks of relationship, you saw him like five times because he barely made time for you. You can't remember how many times you've kissed him, but you wouldn't be surprised if only two times happened.

"Aren't you forgetting someone?" You close your eyes. This is what you didn't want Seungkwan to remind you.

"Jeon Wonwoo," You say his name in a whisper and you're afraid Seungkwan hasn't even heard you, but he always does. "What happened doesn't count, he... is not available now."

"Y/n, the universe does not care if making out with Wonwoo one night counts or not, or if he's available or not. It happened, there's a possibility, it's there."

Seungkwan is, once again, right, but you don't want to be reminded of that night, or else your feeling for Wonwoo will hurt more than they do now.

It happened the night Kyungho broke up with you. Your feeling for Kyungho weren't the big thing, but you did spend your time and effort trying to make it work. You felt tired of giving and not receiving and ashamed of him being the one to break up with you and not the other way around. Seungkwan said Mingyu was going to a party with a few friends and he invited the golden trio (you, Vernon, Seungkwan) and he didn't let you complain.

You met Jeon Wonwoo at the party. You had seen him around campus a few times, in Mingyu's group of friends, he was incredibly eye-catching. That night, Mingyu introduced both of you properly and you don't know how you started talking. You don't remember much of that night in general, your brain preferred to forget all the traumatic experience of the breakup as the shots you took with Wonwoo kicked in (not many, but you were tired and they hit hard). What you do remember is pouring out your heart to a handsome stranger, him listening to you with beautiful eyes and speaking careful words. You remember kissing him first and Wonwoo following your lead. You remember him stopping you and you almost wanting to cry as you felt his touch all over your face.

"You just want revenge, Y/n. I can't give you that," you closed your eyes, you just wanted to sleep for a while. "Come to me when your head and your heart are completely sobered. Meanwhile, we can be friends." You nodded, a little ashamed. He gave you a sweet peck on the lips and a tight hug. When you got home and thought of what had happened that night, you knew your heart didn't need Kyungho anymore, your heart needed Jeon Wonwoo.

A few daws later, Wonwoo was seen around the halls with a beautiful girl by his side, too close to him, wishing for the same lips to kiss her as you had been kissed. You know from Mingyu that they lasted for two weeks, Wonwoo broke up with the girl, but Wonwoo told you he never liked break-ups. He must be feeling sad.

It's been two weeks ever since, and you are just like you were the first day.

"So your plan is talking to each boy, one by one?" Seungkwan raises his eyebrow. He's judging you.

"Yep, do you have anything better?"

"Are you asking if I have a plan that might not damage your integrity? I'm afraid I don't."

"Then shut up, when the time to find your soulmate gets to you I might not help you." He rolls his eyes and looks at the list you've made with the four names."

"And how are you going to approach them? Do you even know where they are?"

"Jungkook is friends with Mingyu, I'll try to talk to him without Mingyu knowing... Somehow. I still follow Changkyun on Instagram, that won't be hard. The only hard one is Kyungho, I don't know anything about him, thank God"

"And Wonwoo is the most approachable one, isn't he? Why don't you talk to him first?"

"No damaging my integrity is what we are looking for, remember?"

"I still don't understand why you don't want to talk to him. He is a nice guy, he'll be very chill about anything."

You almost tell Seungkwan that that's the problem. That night shouldn't have happened, not when you were heartbroken and Wonwoo was into someone else. Maybe that's the thing that hurt you, Wonwoo liking someone else and being heartbroken because of the break-up.

"I'd better talk to Changkyun now, the sooner the better, right?"

Talking to Changkyun was both a victory and a loss. He was a good friend of yours when you were younger and it's been a lot since you last talked to him. He wasn't weirded out by the sudden soulmate topic and instead he spoke freely about it, you suddenly remember how he had always been an open-minded guy. However, he had already found his soulmate.

You move on to the next person on your list almost immediately. Talking to Jeon Jungkook without Mingyu knowing was harder than you thought it would, mainly because you know nothing about him ever since he moved a few years ago, and you can't find him on Instagram or twitter. You know the only thing you can do is ask Mingyu directly, so you get Seungkwan to do it for you.

"Why do you want Jungkook's number?" Seungkwan looks at you after Mingyu pops out the question, you expected him to just give it to you, he is not the type to get into someone's business. He must be really curious.

"Just... Woozi told me... he's looking for a singer for his new song... Yeah... that,"

"Aren't you and Dokyeom his singers?"

Seungkwan looks uneasy. He is too honest, he doesn't like lying. He keeps on looking and you and you decide to help him help you because this is not looking good.

"You know how stressed he's being lately, Mingyu," You feel Mingyu's, Seungkwan's, and Wonwoo's eyes on you, "He thinks that trying a new voice will help him,"

"Then why isn't he asking me himself?"

"Mingyu, just give them Jungkook's number, it's not that deep," Wonwoo steps in "Excuse him, ever since he found his soulmate he is not as nice as he was."

Mingyu complies as his hyung tells him and you feel your heartbeat rising. You don't talk to Wonwoo a lot after that night so listening to his voice feels like reliving the events. Especially when his eyes don't leave yours, almost as if saying 'I know you're lying'. That night, he sends you a text

Wonwoo: Have fun with Jeon Wonwoo is typing... Wonwoo is on line

Whatever he was writing, you'll never know. You couldn't answer the text either

You don't know what's funnier, Kyungho trying to delete himself from your life or you trying to locate him back. Jungkook was not your soulmate. He actually gave up his soulmate life after a very tragic story with his supposed-to-be soulmate and now he dedicates his life to art, in any of the ways. It was a sad story, you cried like a baby at your situation and then at his while he laughed softly and told you soft thing like he always did. It was gratificating.

But now, your list only points towards one direction, and that is Kyungho's old working place, a café near some beautiful parks, and an outdoor basketball court Kyungho himself used to play in. He did a lot of things but being a good boyfriend or friend, actually.

You feel scared for a second 'will he be there?', 'How will he react?' 'What if he's my soulmate?' You stopped in your tracks. You didn't want to have such an awful person as a boyfriend. Great, another fear added to your list! But when you find the guts to come inside the café and he is right there, wearing the same clothes and same hairstyle he always had, you feel like ending all this as soon as possible.

His gaze changes when he recognizes you, surprised.

"Hi, Kyungho. I know you don't want to see me, but can we talk?"

"My shift ends in ten," he speaks after a few seconds "wait for me outside"

You do as he asks. For a second, you think he might run away through the back door or something, but he complies and meets you outside the café.

"What are you doing here?" Straight to the point, as he's always done.

You roll your eyes and he keeps a straight face.

"Have you found your soulmate?"

He laughs as if you had told the funniest joke.

"What now, baby? You want me as your soulmate so bad?" You want to slap him in the face.

"Just answer my damn question."

"Why do you think I left?" Your eyes go wide. Does this mean that he... You almost feel like crying, why does your soulmate have to be him and not Wonwoo? You shouldn't have, but you must admit you had gotten your hopes up for a second. "I'm joking! You should have seen your face!"

"So... No soulmate then?" You ask, pretending to find his joke boring when you're just furious.

"No, no soulmate Y/n. I feel nothing when it comes to you." Your hand moves faster than you think, and you surprise yourself when he grabs your wrist before your hand can reach his face.

"Nice try, Y/n. Maybe try again?"

"What if I do it for them?" You could recognize that voice everywhere. Kyungho turns around and there he is, Jeon Wonwoo. He is so close to Kyungho it's almost comical: Wonwoo is a bit taller, so Kyungho looks like a defenseless animal. "I play basketball nearby, you know? I wouldn't mind using you like a ball."

Kyungho is going to make another comment, you know that, but Wonwoo doesn't let him.

"Let's go, Y/n. We have better things to do." Wonwoo puts his hands in his pockets and begins to walk and you follow him, without looking back at a very scared Kyungho.

"Do you always go around asking exes if they've found their soulmates?" He asks and you blush.

"Not really"

"I'm guessing it was not just some random thought?"

You sigh, you didn't want to have this conversation.

"No. My soulmate mark has appeared and I had to do something about it."

"Oh, how random, mine has appeared too." You want to ask him directly about it, but you can't find your voice. "It's a number, what about yours?"

"A number too"

"That's nice!" He smiles sweetly, your heart is about to burst "Which number?"

"Two"

"Oh." He looks lost in thought for a second "Well, at least it's not Kyungho"

"Yeah, I don't even know why I dated him"

"I'm wondering the same thing. You deserve so much better," how can he be so chill about all this? All you can think is how he is the last person on your list.

"Jeon isn't your soulmate either." It wasn't a question, he was just confirming it.

"How do you know... about that?"

"I told you, Mingyu is not as nice as he was. He likes to gossip now, with his soulmate. Jungkook told him how he wished you found a soulmate who treated you nicely and how comforting he found your chic-chat"

That guy...

"I guess the universe thought I deserve something else, but what could be better than Jungkook?" You joke.

"Maybe try with another Jeon?" He chuckles when you don't answer him.

Does he know...?

"Aren't you going to ask me what my number is?" He knows.

"What is your number, Wonwoo?"

"Ten." What? If Wonwoo isn't your soulmate then... You will never recover from this low blow. "You seem surprised."

"I just- I thought that maybe... You know since that night... And I might be wrong but I'm sure I've never kissed anyone else apart from my exes and you... I'm sorry, I must have made this uncomfortable."

"Oh no, absolutely not" He is trying his best to stay calm, but you can tell he's a little nervous "so your soulmate mark is how many times you've kissed them?"

"Yeah"

"Mine too" Could this be possible? That much of a coincidence?

"That's... Curious, I think"

"It is." He is looking at you again with that look, the one that says 'I know everything about you even before you do' but this time you catch up.

"You think that we..."

"There's only one way to try."

When his lips meet yours just like they did that night, you find the same comforting feeling. It's like being pulled, like magnets. You feel safe.

And then you remember something you had forgotten about that night. You were feeling sad and tired, but Wonwoo's presence made everything better, your eyes were closed. You had kissed Wonwoo for the first time but then he cut you off and told you to come back when you were sober (but you were sober!). You thought he was caressing your face slowly with his fingers, trying to comfort you, but he actually gave you a kiss.

One on your right cheek, then another one on your left, then another one at the tip of your nose. His lips moved your jaw and placed a small kiss there, then on your chin and another one very close to your mouth and finally he planted a kiss on your forehead and you opened your eyes. He then kissed the back of your hand which made both of you laugh.

It is true that you kissed him two times, and it is true that he kissed you ten.

When you parted, a small eleven was placed on top of his head with a pair of drawn lips just like yours.

"I see a three there, soulmate." He pointed to the top of your head.

"And I see an eleven there, soulmate." You do the same thing he did. He hugs you "I'm so glad it's you, Wonwoo. You don't know how confused I was, I thought you were broken-hearted because of a break-up!"

"You just made that up by yourself! You should have asked me first instead of Jungkook or Kyungho."

"I know. I was scared you would end up being my soulmate but you wouldn't like me back"

"Y/n, I'm head over heels for you." You smile and he leans closer "You know what? I hate odd numbers."

"Me too."

He kisses you one more time.

[sage-nebula]

Game Review — Blue Fire

One of my all-time favorite game series is The Legend of Zelda. My favorite game of all time is The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. And my second favorite game of all time is Hollow Knight. So it would make sense, then, to think that a combination of the two would be the most amazing thing the world had to offer me.

Overall Score: 7/10

Well . . . it could have been better. It also could have been worse, absolutely, but it also could have been better. For more detailed thoughts, jump below the cut (and view on blog due to formatting).

The Pros:

The graphics and animation are beautiful. The specific Zelda game the graphics brought to mine (despite the color palette, which was clearly more Hollow Knight inspired) was The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. Whatever reason the developers had for going the cel shaded route (maybe they had an artistic vision in mind, or maybe it was easier somehow) it was a good one to make. In particular, all of the glowing and flame effects were lovely, the shadows all fell in the right places, the characters were charming to look at, et cetera. Everything worked well with the acrobatics as well. Visually, the game is beautiful.

For the most part, the platforming is fair and even platforming challenges are doable with enough practice. This is particularly true for the overworld / main dungeons, rather than the Voids, which are more extra dungeons that you don’t have to complete to beat the game (although doing so certainly makes the game easier given that each completed Void gives you another life heart). While there were some areas where the game lagged for whatever reason and threw off crucial timing, as well as some Voids that were definitely more Platform Hell than simply platforming, the platforming puzzles were very well put together for the most part and were enjoyable to play.

The fast travel system, when unlocked, is incredibly convenient and takes a lot of the headache out of traveling around the world, particularly given that you use the shrines for a number of things (fast travel, saving, char—spirit equips) and there aren’t any maps present in this game whatsoever. It does take some time to unlock fast travel and you’re not exactly pointed in the direction to get it (in fact I had to look up to figure out where I was supposed to go to get it), but once you have it it’s a well-developed system that took a lot of pain out of playing that would have otherwise been there.

A minor thing that I liked, but (just like in Hollow Knight) when you die, your spirit or soul is left behind. Also like in Hollow Knight, it keeps all of the money you had on you when you died. Essentially, it is the exact same thing as the Shade from Hollow Knight, but white instead of black. Anyway, the minor thing I liked about this is that if you die in a boss fight, your spirit waits for you directly outside the boss arena, meaning that you don’t have to try to reclaim it while the boss is trying to kill you. It was a nice bone the developers threw the player.

While no tracks in particular standout, and while the OST doesn’t live up to the OSTs of the inspirations behind this game, there were times when the music was very nice, which is always a plus.

While the main quest is very short, there are numerous sidequests you can do even apart from the Voids that give you things to do in each area, making them feel a little less small and giving you a bit more time with the game, as well as unlockables as rewards (mainly in the form of new costumes, but still). There are lots of little secrets hidden around in each area too, which is nice to discover if you’re someone like me who loves exploring in games. 

The Neutrals:

The story. The story is . . . how do I put this . . . okay. So, it’s clear the developers wanted to write a story with the aesthetic of Hollow Knight (ruined kingdom, lots of shadow / light dichotomy, fallen kingdom, et cetera), but with an overt storytelling style like The Legend of Zelda. So you get a lot of exposition about what happened in the past, and what you as the main character are supposed to do now . . . but the thing about the exposition is that not only is the same thing repeated about fifteen different times (such as the constant harping on about how the main character contains both light and shadow within them), but also there are huge chunks of seemingly important detail that are just left unexplained. Like for instance: we know that the Fire Guardians from the Fire Keep were one of the last strongholds against the Shadow (who was also the sixth god and has also corrupted the queen yadda yadda). And we can extrapolate that the Fire Guardians were specifically trying to create a warrior that was both light and shadow based on the fact that the game starts with the main character breaking out of a test tube with a bunch of corpses that look just like the player scattered around, seeming to be failed experiments (i.e. just like how the Pale King created the Hollow Knight in Hollow Knight). But the only Fire Guard that we see around is Von. I think he mentions briefly once that the Fire Guards were trying to make the warrior, or had made the warrior, or something like that, but we’re never told why, exactly. We don’t know what processes led to that. We don’t know who was in charge. We don’t know why this specific type of warrior was needed except “since you have both you may be the answer.” And the fact that there were apparently a bunch of failed experiments is never really touched upon either. Furthermore, we’re told that the five gods had lifted Penumbra (the world) into the sky to protect it from the Shadow (a la Hylia raising Skyloft to protect the people from Demise), but that it didn’t work and the Shadow ultimately got to them anyway. So allegedly this is a post-apocalyptic land. But the only thing to really be ravaged is the Temple of Gods, where apparently the corrupted queen sleeps. Everyone else seems mostly fine as long as they avoid the monsters? It’s like they were going for what Hollow Knight did, but didn’t quite want to go the full route of having corpses literally everywhere on-screen at all times. Although weirdly enough, there is also a distinct lack of NPCs which makes the world feel more empty than Hallownest despite the circumstances . . . What I’m getting at here is that there definitely is a story, but it was told in a way that was pretty sloppy. It’s not so sloppy that it detracts from the overall experience, but it’s like too much was piled on in some areas and not enough was explained in other areas. Or like they took some things they liked from other games (e.g. making the creation of the “warrior of light and shadow” reminiscent of the creation of the Hollow Knight) without following through on what made those things work. Like it wasn’t just that there were a lot of failed Knights and that their corpses were tossed into the abyss and that The Knight had to try to claw his way out (as did Broken Vessel and others) while the “successful” Hollow Knight was raised by the Pale King. It was also that we know that the entire reason why the Hollow Knight was created in the first place was to contain the Radiance / the Plague. It was also that these hundreds or thousands of corpses were the Pale King’s children. It was also that the Pale King has a monologue over that segment saying, “no mind to think, no will to break, no voice to cry suffering” as requirements for the Hollow Knight to be considered successful. The horror didn’t come just from the corpses being tossed down the pit around you as you had to climb up in an attempt to get out, but also at all of the surrounding context, which was left entirely out of Blue Fire’s version with the warrior of light and shadow. Not that they should have copied it (although if they had it really wouldn’t have been surprising), but it’s clear what they were trying to do and where they failed because they didn’t have the follow through to go with it. I feel like the above paragraph is so critical I should move it to The Cons, but I do want to say that I don’t think the story itself was terrible. It borrows so much from both Zelda and Hollow Knight that it really isn’t original and it doesn’t follow through on things that made those stories work, but overall it doesn’t ruin the experience, even if all of the repetition gets old pretty quickly. Although as a final note, I’ll also add another thing that bugged me, which is that we never learn what the people of Penumbra are. Like we know the Shadow is bad, but they all look like Shadow people. We know there are creatures called “onops” but we don’t know what they are, or if everyone is an onop. Whereas in Hollow Knight we know that all the characters are bugs. It’s just another little thing that wasn’t explained but probably should have been.

On a less long note, the combat is also pretty mediocre. Again, it’s not bad. There is a parry system that, if you learn to time it right to actually pull off the parry, is pretty cool. But although you are given magic, which is useful for killing long-distance enemies, the magic can’t do a single thing for you in boss battles no matter how many times you upgrade your mana. Additionally, it is very much a “mash Y to win” type of game, where Y is the button you use to attack and you just mash that while jumping around. There’s no complexity to the combat at all or any strategy that is really required. It’s not bad, per se, but it’s nothing to write home about either.

The charms in this game are called spirits, and while you can buy a majority of them from shopkeepers, you can also “capture” your own by coming across the spirit of a dead person and trapping it to use its power for yourself. This is made apparent when you go back to a young child who is dead the second time you go to see them, and capture their spirit for use. Also when you literally murder an NPC for a sidequest and then later capture their spirit to use for your own use. And aside from the sidequest giver being horrified you killed the NPC and telling you to keep it hush-hush (without even knowing that you can and will capture the spirit of that murder victim for your own use) this . . . is never really remarked upon. Ever. And the thing is, it creates a sort of dissonance, because your character is treated as a hero in this game. No one seems horrified by you, there’s never any question of whether your existence is moral or not, nor any reason to think that your character would be amoral. In Hollow Knight, the Knights were created to be soulless husks who were there to be vessels for the Radiance / infection. Hornet in particular calls out your cursed existence and how she does not like you because of it. But although you can learn “emotes” from statues (which is teaching your character either actions or emotions, it’s unclear), no such deal is made here. So this aspect of the game is strange, even if I can at least appreciate that they tried to make their spirits a tiny bit different from Hollow Knight’s charms. Though with that said . . .

The Cons:

It’s one thing to be inspired by other games, but the sheer amount that this game cops from The Legend of Zelda and Hollow Knight is, at least to me, incredibly distracting. Just a handful of examples off the top of my head: — In Hollow Knight, you have a Shade that lingers where you last died and keeps all of your money from when you died. In Blue Fire, you have a spirit / soul (again, it’s unnamed) that lingers where you died and keeps all of your money from when you died. You have to retrieve them before you die again to get your money back. — In Hollow Knight, you have different circular charms that each have a different design, name, and grant you different abilities. You can only have a certain amount equipped at a time (though you can increase how many you can equip at once) and you can only equip them at save points. In Blue Fire you have different spirits that are contained in circles that each have a different design, name, and grant you different abilities. You can only have a certain amount equipped at a time (though you can increase how many you can equip at once) and you can only equip them at save points. — Everything I explained above about how the main character breaking out of a test tube at the beginning, surrounded by corpses just like them, felt like an echo of the Knight’s creation in Hollow Knight (but again, not as effective for reasons outlined above).  — The default tunic has a hat that is exactly like Link’s from The Legend of Zelda. This is made even more obvious with the dyed green tunics. — The story segment detailing how the five gods created Penumbra was copped from how the golden goddesses created Hyrule from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. To compare the dialogue: Ocarina of Time: “Din. With her flaming arms, cultivated the land and created the red earth.” Blue Fire: “Dina, God of Land. With her mighty body of stone, Dina carved mountains, deserts, and landforms in the earth.” It’s in the exact same cadence, to the point where I half expected the artifact they created at the end of the story to be the Triforce (instead it was called the Oath of Sarana).  — In Hollow Knight, the titular Hollow Knight is housed inside the Temple of the Black Egg, and is in fact locked inside that Black Egg to seal the Radiance / infection. There are three locks on the egg, and each one will only be broken when one of the three Dreamers dies. You have to break all three locks to face him, a corrupted “final” boss. In Blue Fire, the corrupted queen is housed inside the Temple of the Gods. There are three locks on her door, and each one will only be broken when one of the three Shadow Lords dies. You have to break all three locks to face her, the corrupted final boss. — It’s implied that, especially in places like the Temple Gardens, that the humanoid enemies that attack you are not monsters, but are people who were once completely normal and even forces of good who were corrupted by the Shadow. This is exactly like how all of the enemies you face in Hollow Knight (with the exception of, say, Hornet) were also once normal bugs before they were turned into zombies by the infection. I could go on. The point is, it’s perfectly fine to be inspired by something. Hell, it would be hard to find an action/adventure game that wasn’t inspired by The Legend of Zelda at this point. But it’s one thing to be inspired by something, and another thing to completely rip-off your inspiration to the point where the similarities are distracting to your audience. And it’s not just me; when I was looking up the exact dialogue for the story of the gods from Blue Fire, I found others who were pointing out just how similar everything was to Hollow Knight in particular, including someone who, like me, realized that the Temple of the Gods was essentially the Temple of the Black Egg. When things are this blatant, it feels a whole lot less like inspiration and a whole lot more like plagiarism.

The Voids all have a star rating to indicate how difficult they are. These star ratings are completely meaningless. Granted, partly it’s because everyone is going to have different abilities and so it will be hard to create an overall difficulty scoring that will be accurate for every player, but it’s also telling when a four-star course is miles easier than a two-star course, which I found to be the case on more than one occasion due to level design that was, at times, kind of bullshit. 

Although there are NPCs, there are none who are memorable or standout, despite the fact that most of Penumbra’s populace is (maybe?) still alive. Unlike in Hollow Knight, where there were characters like Elderbug, the Last Stag, Hornet, Quirrel, and so forth that were memorable and lovable, all of the NPCs in Blue Fire feel rather the same and are pretty easily forgettable.

The world itself is incredibly small. While the fact there are no maps makes this kind of a good thing, on the other hand it’s a bit disappointing that there are a total of two towns and then a few small connecting areas. It doesn’t really make it feel like the kingdom that it’s supposed to be. 

On that note, why aren’t there maps? The fact that there is fast travel is really more of a necessity than mere convenience because there are no maps to help lead you around. If you put down the game for a while and then go back to it, you might not remember how to get to different areas in the game, and if you haven’t unlocked fast travel yet (since it is something you have to unlock) you’re going to be pretty much boned due to the lack of a feature that is in basically every other game. 

Overall, while this is not a game I think I would ever go back to, it also isn’t one that I regretted purchasing and playing. It could definitely have been better, but it also could have been worse. My only hope is that the next game this studio makes is more original, rather than copying so much from other, more successful titles. (Or at the very least, that they study why certain things worked in more successful titles, instead of just copying at the surface level and calling it a day.)

[computomography]

① I am an invasive person, and I have been troubled by this for the past ten years. Invasive thinking should belong to psychology. Many times I will have some dangerous ideas. Invasive thoughts are an idea that enters the level of individual consciousness, often without warning, and its content is often worrying, disturbing or strange. Most of the time, they just flash through my mind, but for me, I will repeatedly struggle with these invasive thinking, resulting in strong pain in individuals. The forms of invasive thinking mainly include anxiety, compulsive thinking and ruminant. In terms of content, it is mostly negative memories, violent ideas, and sex-related ideas. For example: infected by bacteria and viruses, and then dying, suddenly want to attack someone, children suddenly have some form of accident, when it is very quiet, suddenly want to shout, past experience of being hurt, the impulse to sexually assault others. Including height-phobia and obsessive-compulsive disorder, I think it is also related to invasive thinking, and I am also a relatively extreme person myself. So I'm interested in invasive thinking, because for me, I've been trying to figure out this problem over the years. How much has this invasive thinking changed me? What symptoms did it cause? And how many people are similar to me? Are we the same group? For example, when I stand on the railings of the balcony, I can't help jumping down, which seems to be a desire for the tranquility of death and the pursuit of a state of stability. Research shows that some poets are 30 times more likely to have bipolar disorder than ordinary people, so I can understand the feeling of eager to find identity in past celebrities - knowing that all this has been tormenting them for a long time may make them feel better. There is always a force of oppression in our hearts, which may be violent ideas or self-abuse tendencies. Here are some of my own behaviors about invasive thinking:

The pupils on the edge of the balcony on the seventh floor began to enlarge, washed his hands 18 times, constantly stepped on the protruding objects with his feet, sat on the railings, and then kept leaning back and cycled back. Walking around the ice cream cone over and over again, he turned to the bottom of the bridge and stared at a pile of broken fallen leaves.

But I still believe it.Depression and bipolarity are a channel to produce wonderful thinking.

Most of the time, I enjoy the thinking brought by this pain, which makes me pay more attention to the power in my body.

Understanding Contemporary Art 4.1 On Viennese Actionism by John David Ebert

Wikipedia defines the entry Vienna Actionism or Viennese Actionism as "a short and violent movement in the twentieth century". The Vienna Action School is one of the many "art of action" movements in the 1960s, including the Wave School, the occasional art, the performance art and the body art. The four core members of the Vienna Action faction are Günter Brus, Otto Mühl, Hermann Nitsch, and Rudolf Schw Arzkogler), active as an activist between 1960 and 1971

Antonin Artaud’s manuscript

②

Therefore, I am interested in a historic movement, the Vienna Action Faction. I think there is a link between invasive thinking and taboo energy in the body. I want to start with the "cruel theater" proposed by Antonin Artaud. Artaud so-called "cruelness" is a kind of performance mode that makes people trapped in some kind of wild and beyond rational consciousness (this is a bit like one of the acts of invasive thinking, shouting suddenly in an unintentional place, which I often do. ) I think quoting Artaud 's description is that "in an extremely familiar situation, a space in the audience's heart is opened by a strange beam of light." In his 1938 book The TheatreandItsDouble, Artaud explained the cruel theater theory by calling for the establishment of a venting theater to replace traditional, rational, elite and suppressing people's emotional feelings. Field, the sound and body movements are developed to the extreme in the ritual way of witchcraft sacrifice, so that the audience can experience an extreme experience like spiritual enlightenment.

For the development of the project, I will conceptually quote invasive thinking, interview this specific group of people, and collect different forms of media expression (perhaps their personal belongings, photos, transcripts, etc.) that are troubled by invasive thinking, and will also go deep into The profound influence of this historic movement of the Vienna Action School on some later behavioral artists is how to inspire them to explore the boundaries of the body, how to break the taboos of the body, and how to release the strength in the body. In today's context, I try to find the connection between those suffering from invasive thinking, whether their thinking is like the Viennaists at that time, some strength in our bodies has been suppressed.

mind-map for connection between Vienna Actionism and Intrusive thoughts

But for intrusive thinking, some scholars suggest (Seif & Winston, 2018) that invasive thinking may only be an extra product generated in our brain's brain stream of consciousness, similar to garbage-like existence. As long as we don't pay too much attention to it, it will eventually disappear.

Herman Netsey's Good Friday Picture 1961

YokoOno, a female artist, uses her body as an artistic medium. Her most famous performance art performance was CutPiece held at Carnegie Hall in New York in 1965. Yoko sat motionless on the stage and asked the audience to come on stage to cut off her clothes one by one until all of them slipped off her. In English, fragments are homophonic with peace, and cutting clothes means destroying peace. Yoko Ono's physical performance exposed the process of human aggression and invasion, tyranny and abuse, and revealed the harm of human nature caused by the tendency of aggression and violence in human social behavior.

blade sheet by me

Francis Bacon: Man and Beast

my hand drawings in Royal academy of arts

Since then, Deluz has further put forward the Alto-style "body withoutorgan" theory. In 1989, he used Francisco Bacon's fleshy picture as an example to explain the body theory of resisting all institutional constraints. It can be seen that since the 1990s, contemporary artistic practice and theory have once again turned to the body, which is not accidental. This turn means that the real feeling from the body has finally broken the simulation image of shielding reality in the post-modernist period, allowing people to touch a real and humanized world again.

Essentially, invasive thinking also affects symptoms such as obsessive-compulsive disorder and acrophobia.

③ I have done a project about height phobia before, which is the most important thing for me to print.Like profound. In fact, this is not high-fear, but more about the stability of death. I don't have much sense of fear of heights, physiological reactions, etc., and fear of falling. I studied this.The cause of fear and the possibilityInspired by the explanation: Acrophobia will have a strange counterintuitive effect: let yourself fall into the depths of panic and willingly jump down. Researchers have found that no matter where they are, people will overestimate their longitudinal height, which may be one-third to twice as much.2. But people can usually accurately estimate the horizontal distance. Overestimation of vertical distance will make high places more terrible for some people: Professor Stefanucci and others have found that the higher the fear, the higher the estimated vertical distance, which also escalates their fears and forms a vicious circle 3. So I did different perspective experiments. At the same time as structural development, I have developed the fabrics of my project based on this. The artwork in this project adopts clothing.Materials that are not common in production. I mix epoxy resin a and b glue on cardboard. Then turn the cardboard to make the glue flow. In order to imitate the trauma of multiple layers of skin, I used a hot fan and realistic fake blood. To enrich the details, I use plastic straws as veins, and then use epoxy resin to fix their positions. Make a blurred visual effect of people falling from a high place and falling behind the ground.

[vagrantblvrd]

timestamp of din and the puppers?

Oh my gosh, yessss.

After much thought on the subject I have decided that a Thing I love is Accidental Disney Princess Din Djarin, Very Tired Dad, Friend To (Most) Animals.

(Generally speaking, the ones trying to eat him don’t count.)

I mean, he didn’t have time for the blurrg, especially after the way e met them? But Kuiil convinced him to give them another try and then he had his Toothless moment and earned the blurrg’s trust.

Then the scene with the massiffs which is honestly one of my favorites, because Din with a pupper makes me happy to think about?

This scary looking lizard/doggo creature to help guard/protect him and his? But also plays fetch and asks for belly rubs and scritches and looks at him with stars in its eyes when it’s not judging his life choices of course.

AND.

The thought of Grogu using one as a Noble Steed instead of the pram is both adorable and hilarious to me, like little kids do with big doggos and whatnot.

(Also an excellent partner in crime, and if Din didn’t want the two of them committing said crimes he shouldn’t have introduced them, you know? What did he expect to happen?)

I mean, just imagine Grog as the Mand'alor’s son riding on his most noble of steeds in a cookie raid? (Sadly, there were no survivors.)

But, uh, back to your prompt.

So it starts with that first massiff pupper as a gift for killing the krayt dragon and brokering peace between the people of Mos Pelgo and the Tusken Raiders, but someone comments about the fact they’re pack animals, right, or maybe Din has that realization somewhere along the line himself.

There’s another stop on Tatooine, and casual question about any new litters/clutches and what would they want for one or to of the pups?

He ends up with three new puppers and the promise for more from the next litter/clutch if he’d like.

At first he’s like, haha, no, four is more than enough, and yet.

The whole Mand'alor dealio and massifs really do make for excellent guard animals, so he takes the Tusken Raiders up on their offer. Pays them, or trades for the new puppers, whichever one they accept, and back on Mandalore everyone’s like oh, yeah, the royal hounds.

Din’s personal guard - which, for the record he didn’t ask for Bo-Katan, what is this, this is just awkward for me - use them to patrol the grounds of the Mand'alor’s residence and such and someone is appointed keeper of the royal hounds and such.

In the meantime, Din’s been on Adventures and such and there’s a one in ten chance of Din coming back from said Adventure with a new animal friend.

“...it followed me home,” he’ll say, some flavor of embarrassed about it because really, Din, really?

Your new animal friend just happened to jump into your ship for the ride back to Mandalore after what no doubt was a truly idiotic and life-endangering Adventure, did it?

Strange how that keeps happening.

So there are blurrgs and massiffs and any number of other animal friends Din brought back with him.

Grogu is delighted because more parters in crime, a little gang, if you will, and him as the beloved leader who pays them in cookies and other such priceless treasures.

Luke just watches Din -  grown adult, capable fighter, devoted father, and ruler of a whole entire planet - act like a little kid who smuggled a pet into the house and then has to explain its presence to his parents.

Some reason to go to Hoth and when he tells Luke about it afterward he mention these natice creatures that can be tamed as mounts he used?

Luke is like, “Oh, tauntauns!” and then tells Din about his harrowing experience with the local fauna and how Han saved his life by shoving him inside a tauntaun once like :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Din just stares at his husband/consort like how, how, is this man alive?

Han off to the side shrugs because hell if he knows, Han’s the lucky one because Leia got the brains and common sense out of the two of them.

Also, paying a visit to Boba Fett on Tatooine, and once Luke and Boba agree to leave any grievances in the past - mainly for Din’s benefit there’s a ~tour of the place.

“You didn’t replace the rancor?”

And Din, poor, Very Tired Din goes so very still.

Doesn’t look at Luke who’s looking around at the repurposed rancor pit. Boba is next to Din and Din can feel the man’s glee at the chance to tell him about yet more incredibly stupid things his husband’s done.

“Do I want to know?” he asks in an undertone.

Boba is freaking delighted, “Probably not, but I’ll tell you anyway,” >:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

...Which is how Din finds out about certain Jedi walking in to Jabba’s palace to rescue his friend and his many near-death experiences along the way.

I mean, he knew bits and pieces of the story from things Luke and his friends and family let slip? And yet somehow none of that prepared him for the full story.

Also, though, also.

Luke who sets up his Jedi school on Yavin in the beginning and various native species, and Luke laughing at him when he turns up with a new animal friend. Doesn’t tell him to put it back though, because the students are all wide-eyed with fascination every time.

Luke may or may not have told them it’s part of Din’s ~magic, joking and all and they know it, but then Din and his many, many animal friends, so maybe Master Skywalker is telling the truth?

Din is always why are you like this? to Luke who cannot stop teasing him over his ability to befriend (most) animals he meets, and has to kiss him to get him to stop laughing, it’s not that funny.

Before Luke goes to live with Din and Grogu on Mandalore full time, his Jedi school up and running for years by then and staffed by former students and Jedi who survived Order 66 and subsequent years and they’re all, omg, just go already, because Luke’s sacrificed a lot to get them where they are and now he should absolutely live the rest of his life as a kept man, go, go, go, the school has its own animal guardians in the form of native animals or somesuch, because kiddos with animals is always a good thing.

Anyway, yes.

Din and the puppers and an entire menagerie while everyone is exasperated because they’ll have to set up housing for their ruler’s new animal friends or delighted at Din’s ??? reaction because he didn’t mean to come back with new animal friends.

Also, also, I kind of love the idea of there being a baby krayt dragon in there somewhere. Animal traffickers and whatnot who stop by Mandalore for whatever reason before they’re discovered and arrested or what have you?

Most of their cargo are confiscated and returned to their homeworlds as possible, but there are a few exceptions, incidents.

One involves a canyon krayt that takes off the moment it can and digs itself into...a canyon. (Din is like, SIGH, but it’s young, small, and scared and he befriends it, or close enough that they allow it to stay where it is for now.)

The other is a baby greater krayt dragon like the one in Mos Pelgo and escaped before the Madalorians caught wind of the animal traffickers. Ran to a remote area that’s not ideal for humans to live and keeps wild animal populations under control and more trouble than it’s worth, really, to remove it.

Luke is delighted/horrified when he hears aboutb Din’s previous adventures with krayt dragons and the way Cobb cannot stop laughing at the fact Din now has two of the bastards on his planet, two.

But it does add to the reputation of Mandalor’s new ruler, a man who killed a greater krayt dragon on his own - “I didn’t, though? Cobb you were there, tell them!” - and now has one guarding his planet. (”It’s more of a pest with an endless stomach, though???”)

So, uh. Yes.

[winchest09]

Pay Attention

Title: Pay Attention

Pairing: Professor!Dean Winchester x  Student!reader

Word Count: 3299

Summary: Y/N had fantasied about Professor Winchester for as long as she can remember being in his class. When a virus strikes and she is forced to learn from home, Dean Winchester learns the reason of why she’s behind on her coursework. 

Rating: 18 +

Warnings: Smut. Virtual smut. Fingering, male masturbation, female masturbation, swearing, dirty talk (ish), virtual stripping. 

A/N: So! This stemmed from a little chat I had with a few friends today (mainly @anathewierdo​ )and thus, this oneshot was born! Or more like i was told to write it ;) ahaha. I hope you enjoy it my darlings! 

A/N 2: Thank you to my darling beta, my worldie @katehuntington​ for her constant support and for her words. Love you dearly.

Main Masterlist

Let me know what you think!

——————————————

Tapping her pencil against the notebook on her desk, Y/N looked at the time on her phone, and sighed. The day was dragging; as were her lectures and she was counting every passing second until she could close the laptop lid and call it a day. Ever since the virus outbreak and the country had been placed on lockdown, her university had told her to study from home and that they would offer online classes for the remaining of the current semester. While this was fine, being at home and surrounded by your own comforts, it was also highly distracting. Today, Y/N had been bitten by the procrastination bug. The only thing keeping her going, would be the one on one she had scheduled with Professor Winchester in a few minutes time. 

The mere thought of her teacher made Y/N suck in a quick sharp breath. He was the highlight of her degree; seeing him in his crisp white shirt with the arms rolled up above the elbow, the tight trousers that allowed her to see the perfect curvature of his behind and the few day old stubble that adorned his freckled face. He had been the subject of many night time fantasies and he’d also been the reason she’d forgotten to take notes in a few of his classes, leading her to be behind on her coursework. Y/N had scolded herself a few times for acting like a teenager, fantasizing about her teacher while in class. She wasn’t old by any means but she was closer to Professor Winchester’s age than the rest of the pupils she shared lessons with. She would spend the hour listening to his words that sounded like honey when they passed his lips, her mind going into overdrive when she would think at how her name would sound when he moaned it. 

So here she was, alone in her study, waiting for an inevitable call on Zoom from Professor Winchester. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t spent a little longer than normal on her make-up or that she’d not picked out the bra that had pushed her breasts into a wonderful cleavage. She’d done both of those things and more, her top was a shirt that was buttoned down to give an ample yet modest view of her chest and her hair had been curled just slightly to give the illusion of a natural beach wave. 

She reached for her glass on her desk, her throat suddenly becoming dry at the very thought of him being on her screen in a moment’s time. Sipping on her water, the sound of a newly received email nearly made her choke, her stomach flipping as her fingers glided across the laptops track pad and hovered over the “join meeting” link Professor Winchester had just sent her. Here we go. 

Taking a deep breath, she tentatively waited for her laptop to connect and before she could let the air escape her lungs, there he was on her screen. From what Y/N could make out, he was sitting at his desk, a loose shirt adorning his torso with his forearms on show, the top few buttons undone to give her a peak at his chest. She followed his hand as it made its way to his head and that’s when she noticed that his hair was a little longer than usual thanks to the lockdown, but it didn’t look out of place. In fact, she squirmed a little in her seat as he ran his fingers through it, discreetly biting the corner of her lip as she wished so desperately it could be her doing that motion instead. She also noticed that he had stubble, the trademark of his look and the thing she had imagined burning her thighs more than a few times. It was then that he chose to look up at the camera, his lips broadening into a wide smile to show off his dazzling grin as his candy apple eyes beamed towards her. 

“Afternoon, Y/N,” he greeted, his tongue pulling in his bottom lip. “How are you?” 

“G-good,” she stammered, clearing her throat quickly to repeat herself before he could question her stammer. “Good, Professor Winchester, thank you.”

“How many times, Y/N, call me Dean,” he reminded her, his voice soft as he twiddled a pen between his fingers. “Professor makes me sound old,” he chuckled, his smile warm as he continued to look her way. 

“Sorry,” she quickly apologised, her cheeks warming; she just hoped they weren’t reddening. “How are you, Dean?” she returned the pleasantry, her own lips forming into a natural smile. 

“Other than missing being in class teaching you, I’m well.” He shuffled his papers on his desk and Y/N had to calm herself; she knew he meant you as a collective term but she couldn’t help but let her imagination run wild with the possibility he meant just her. “Let’s get down to it shall we?” 

“Of course,” she agreed, shuffling slightly in her chair as she straightened her back, her fingers gliding over her notebook in front of her. 

She watched his movements and she couldn’t help but get distracted by the way his shirt was moving over his skin, his shoulders broad against the back of his chair, the material tight around his biceps as he reached for her file. God, he was a dream. He hunched forward slightly, his thumb running slowly over the cap of his pen as he read the document in front of him. Y/N couldn’t help but follow the movements of his hand, her mind thinking of what else he could be holding.  

“I’ve noticed you’ve caught up with some coursework, which I'm happy about considering the circumstances. Most of my students have done less at home given the situation.” His deep voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she chastised herself once again for not paying attention to the situation. “It makes me ask the question, though, is there anything that I’m doing that’s hindering your learning experience? I’m curious as to why you’re working better at home than you are in my class. Is there anything I could do differently to help you?” 

Be naked? Y/N clenched her eyes closed quickly, clearing her throat and slightly shaking the explicit thought from her head as she tried to focus on Dean’s question. 

“Erm, no. Less distractions I guess,” she answered quickly, letting out a small breath as she tucked some stray hair behind her ear. 

“Distractions?” He questioned, a small crease furrowed in his brown as he leant back against his leather backed chair. “Is there someone affecting you in class?”

In that moment, she had to hold back her reaction, her eyes wanting to go wide as her heart beat wildly in her chest. She’d slipped up, not realising that the words she said would have Dean so concerned. 

“Oh, n-no. I mean--” she stammered, her hand quickly reaching for her glass of water once more. 

Dean interrupted. “-Because you’re one of my best students, Y/N. I’d hate for you to fail on this,” he told her, honestly, placing his pen down on the desk in front of him. 

“I won’t,” she quickly interjected, offering him a smile. “Nothing I can’t handle.” She gauged his reaction, his lips pursing together slightly as he gently nodded.

“Ok.” 

It was then she let out a small sigh of relief, she was grateful that he hadn’t delved deeper into the issue and she listened to him as he began to tell her about the next project that was coming up. Once again, she knew she should be taking notes, she knew she should be nodding along and showing that she was involved with the conversation but instead, her mind couldn’t get past the explicit thoughts that she’d already cooked up earlier that day. 

Y/N leaned her head on her hand and started to imagine him standing up and pulling on his belt, popping the button on his jeans before reaching into his boxer briefs and revealing his hard, large, dick to her. He’d have one palm flat against the desk, the other on himself as he got off to the sight of his student. It took all she had to not let out a whimper so instead, she bit down hard on her thumb to suppress any noises she wanted to make. 

“Y/N?” His gruff voice cut through her thoughts which made her shoot up in her seat. 

“S-sorry,” she stammered, holding her hand to her forehead as she felt her cheeks heat from embarrassment; she’d been caught red handed. 

“Did you hear anything I just said?” he asked her, his eyebrows raised. 

“Yes,” she swallowed, her voice sounding higher than normal. It was then she noticed how he narrowed his eyes slightly, his jaw clenching as he clicked his tongue against his teeth. 

“Ok, then repeat it back to me,” he asked, matter of factly as he crossed his arms across his broad chest. 

“I-I,” she started, her words stammering as she desperately tried to remember what Dean had been telling her. “You were talking about…” Her words trailed off as she failed to push the elicit thoughts from her mind. She closed her eyes tightly, feeling ashamed and disappointed in herself, embarrassment flooding her being. 

“I see what’s going on here,” he stated, leaning forward as he placed his arms on the desk in front of him. 

“Y-you do?” Fuck, he’d noticed, he’d caught her out. What was she playing at? She didn’t know what to say or how to even explain what was going on or how she could get out of this one. 

“You’re being a very naughty girl, Y/N.” He smirked, his hand rubbing at his stubbled chin, “not paying attention when i’m talking.” Her breath got stuck in her throat, her mind questioning over what she’d heard and if she had heard it correctly or if she was still daydreaming.

“What?” She squeaked. 

“Do I need to teach you a different lesson?” he questioned, his voice harder than usual as he pushed himself back in his chair, “Because I feel like we need to take a different approach on how to keep your attention on me. If you want too of course.” 

“Of course,” she rasped, her thighs pushing together at the tone of his voice. She couldn’t believe her eyes when she noticed that he was slowly unbuttoning his shirt, the material falling to the side of him as he revealed his toned chest. “W-what are you doing?” She couldn’t understand what was happening, her mind unable to comprehend that Dean Winchester was stripping for her on camera. 

“Teaching you a lesson as to why you should pay attention to me,” came his reply, ridding himself of his shirt entirely and dropping it to the floor next to him. 

“Fuck,” she whimpered, her eyes raking in everything he had to offer. He was more tanned than she remembered, noting that he must have been in the backyard at some point during this lockdown. The thought of him, topless and sweating made her roll her lips over her teeth; he’d never wanted a man more.  

“Care to do the same?” His question caught her off guard, but she complied; daydream or not she wanted this to happen. With shaking hands, she brought them up to the buttons on her shirt, one by one she popped them open, slowly revealing her chest to him. Y/N heard him suck in a breath, one eyebrow raised as he watched her. He scooted himself back on his chair, allowing her the full view of him and she couldn’t help but admire the sight. She watched as his hands moved down his bare stomach, his fingers beginning to fumble at his belt.

“You’ve been in my class for a few months now, and fuck, I think about you every single night after I’ve seen you.” Her eyes were glued on his movements, her breathing heavy as he pulled on the leather, unbuckling it before pulling it out through the loopholes. “I would like this lesson to be more hands on but given the circumstances, It’ll have to be a demonstration instead.” With that, he unbuttoned his jeans and pulled apart the zip, widening the material to allow him to reach into his briefs.

“Dean…” she whispered, her words coming out like a breathy moan as she continued to watch. 

“Move back from the screen, Y/N, let me see all of you,” he demanded, pulling out his hard length, his voice low and gravelled as he began to pump himself. 

Y/N did as she was told, pushing herself back slowly and allowing the wheels on her chair to distance herself from the desk. She then stood, pulling her shirt from her shoulders and watched Dean for his reaction. Y/N couldn’t help but whimper when she saw how hard he was, at how he was pleasuring himself at the sight of her. It was everything she had ever dreamed and fantasized about. Feeling that sudden surge of confidence, wanting to make the most of this moment, she reached for the zipper on her skirt and pushed it down, allowing the material to pool at her feet. She stood there, in just her underwear, eagerly awaiting his approval. 

“God fucking damn, Y/N,” he growled, the sound of his hand pumping himself bleeding through her speakers. 

It was then she bit her lips once more, reaching around to unclasp her bra. She pulled the straps slowly down her arms, a teasing motion to rile up her professor all the more. She held onto the cups, wanting her breasts to be the last thing she revealed to him and when she did, he audibly sucked in a sharp breath. Her hands came to touch her chest, her fingers pinching at her own nipples as she continued to watch him, wanting to relieve herself of some of the sexual tension Dean had instilled in her. 

“Take those panties off too, sweetheart,” he ordered, a deep moan rumbling through his chest as he watched how Y/N obeyed him. Her slender fingers hooking in the waistband of her lace underwear before she slowly shimmied them down her legs. “Now sit back down, open those legs and show me what I’ve been thinking of.”

Y/N was quick to do as she was told. The power in his voice, the way it affected her; she’d do anything he asked. She sat herself back in her office chair but she was unsure of how to look sexy on an item of furniture that moves. He wanted to see all of her and she was wet just thinking about it. So, she scooted closer to her desk and raised her feet, placing her soles on the edge of the wooden desk before opening her legs as far as she could; giving him the perfect view. 

“Now that’s a sight,” he growled, his pace quickening and Y/N moaned in response, his praise offering her a fresh wave of arousal. “I’d love to be nipping at those thighs, my tongue on your clit.” His words were laced with jagged breaths, his chest heaving as his eyes stayed glued to the screen. 

“Touch yourself, Y/N,” he instructed, her fingers automatically going to her sensitive nub at his words. “Show me what you’d want me to do to you.”

Where would she even begin? Y/N had thought about this moment many times, she’d thought about all the tropes you’d hear when you’ve got feelings for your professor; having to stay behind after class, being called to his office, but this situation had never crossed her mind. She had wanted him since she had laid eyes on him, she wanted him to ruin her in the best possible way and now she has a chance to virtually allow him to do that. 

She ghosted her hand over her mound, imagining that it was Dean’s large, freckled hand instead of hers. Arching her back, she slid between her folds, her fingers stroking her sensitive nub and her body jerked at the sensation. It had been too long since she’d had any kind of release and she was already desperate for more. She allowed her delicate digits to travel lower, dipping inside of her causing her to gasp. 

“That’s it, baby,” Dean moaned, his panting spurring her on to do more. 

Y/N worked herself hard, chasing her delirium as she listened to the sound of Dean’s groans that were echoing around her room from her speakers. She let out a shaky breath as she brought her free hand to touch her breast, pinching her nipple between her fingers as she imagined that it was her professor's hand instead. She found it exhilarating the fact that he was near enough eye level with her core and she knew he wouldn’t be long until she found herself on the edge of ecstasy. 

She opened her eyes, peering at her laptop screen where she saw Dean, his hand fisting his length as he pumped to the sight of her, his breathing ragged, his tongue peeking over his delightful pink lips. The mere sight of him like that was enough to spur Y/N’s orgasm on, her toes begging to curl around the desk as that all too familiar feeling built inside of her. She continued her pursuit of pleasure, closing her eyes once more as she threw her head back against the chair. 

“D-Dean,” she moaned, her chest rising and falling as her end came near. 

She was close, her feet pressed hard against the desk causing her chair to move slightly as her fingers worked overtime. Her skin was flushed, her legs were beginning to shake and all she could hear was the sound of Dean’s guttural moans as he watched her. She had never felt more sexy in her life. 

“I’m-i’m,” she stammered, a strong bolt of pleasure silencing her as she came. Her mouth opened in a silent ‘o’ as her legs shook widely. “Oh my god,” she moaned, finding it hard to catch her breath as she dared to look at the screen. 

“Fuck, Y/N!” Dean growled, his dick twitching as he too came all over his hand and stomach. She watched as he pumped his orgasm from himself, transfixed at the sight of his face. His lips were a little more pink, his cheeks were flushed and there was a light sheen of sweat adorning his chest. She just wished she could be there to experience it in person. After taking a few deep breaths to calm himself, he picked up his shirt from the floor to clean up as he looked up at the screen, a cheeky smile on his face.

“Now that, is what I call a lesson,” he cheekily remarked and Y/N felt heat flare in her cheeks once more. 

“I agree,” she panted, suddenly feeling self conscious as she moved her shaking legs to place her feet flat to the floor, covering her torso with her arms as she bashfully looked at the screen. She caught the look on his face and felt her stomach flutter at the way his eyes glistened at her, his smile warm and adoring. 

“I feel like we need to work on this distraction technique, sweetheart,” he commented, adding a small wink as Y/N smiled wildy.  “Same time tomorrow?” Dean asked her, a hopeful look on his face as he awaited her answer. There wasn’t any question, she’d be wherever he wanted her to be in a heartbeat. 

“Yes, Sir.” 

——————————————

A/N: I hope you’ve enjoyed this little oneshot! Please let me know your thoughts by comment, reblog or just HERE! :) They mean the world!

Also - my tag lists are open. Just let me know if you want to be added!

Thanks for reading! xox

Forever Babes:

@squirrel-moose-winchester​ / @snffbeebee​ / @cappsikle​ / @couldabeenamermaid​ / @spaghettiwoes​ / @lynne1993​ / @maddiepants​ / @alwaysdreamingforthebest​ / @31shadesofbrown​ / @mrswhozeewhatsis​ /  @thefaithfulwriter​ / @spnbaby-67​ / @not-quite-dead​ / @blackcherrywhiskey​ / @helpmeluci​ / @myownsnowflake​ / @hobby27​ / @big-sad-energy​ / @coffee-obsessed-writer​ / @spnhollis​ / @zoerayne2426​/ @ariasnyder​ / @phantom-soilder​ / @amandamdiehl​ / @geeksareunique​ / @keymology​ / @markofdean79​ / @flamencodiva​ / @jesseswartzwelder​ / @stoneyggirl​ / @cpag7​ / @heavensangel45135​ / @dapresidentsshoelaces​ / @donnaintx​ / @deanwinchesterficsx​ / @tranquility-or-chaos​ / @katehuntington​ / @miraclesoflove​ / @s-ravenall​ / @pisces-cutie​ / @chocolateheart​ / @deanwanddamons​ / @jayesdream​ / @idksupernatural​ / @talesmaniac89​ / @superfanficnatural​ / @parinarain​/ @daughterofthenight117​ /  / @emoryhemsworth​ / @waywardbeanie​ / @whatareyousearchingfordean​

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[backseatsiren]

A Dramatic Day

It’s been awhile since I’ve written here! There are a couple of reasons: first, my life has reached brave new heights of busy - I was promoted to Editor in Chief at work a bit over a year ago, and my responsibilities there obviously take a lot of time. I’m also teaching more courses than usual at Berklee (right now, one section of Film and TV and two of Game Design Principles), and, as usual, I’m training grappling on top of it all. Plus, naturally, the ambulance. I’m hitting my tour hours, and proud to do it, and as pumped as ever to be an EMT in this neighborhood.

I’m also... very, very, VERY slowly *actually writing a book* about all of this. I’ve begun interviewing a few fellow EMTs, mainly volunteers, about what it is we do. Because of how insane my schedule is, it’ll be a very long term project, and I can’t put any pressure to finish soon. But, especially through the pandemic, I’ve felt a desire to document and interview and report on the idea of volunteer emergency medical services in New York City, here in Brooklyn and Queens, and I think other folks might be interested in reading a bit about it.

But I’d like to get back into the practice of writing about calls and concepts and experiences. As always, I’ll respect patients and patient privacy, and will never reveal identifying information or anything inappropriate.

Today was a fairly busy day, but it started with a bit of a dramatic call. We were called to an unknown, and flagged down by a bystander. A man called us over and told us that he saw a man lying on the train tracks (a less-used track, not the subway or commuter rail or anything). He said he regularly feeds a colony of feral cats there, and noticed the gentleman lying down the way.

We thanked him and high tailed it over, yelling out to him (the usual “sir are you ok?”). My more experienced (many, many years in EMS, including at a much higher level of certification) partner took a look at him and said “he might be dead” and began looking forward a pulse. He went for more help (another ambulance was arriving and they needed to be directed over, the physical layout of the space was weird), and he instructed me to look for a pulse. I did, and found nothing. My other partner (a newer EMT, just cleared for CC status, who I also love working with), said “he’s cold to the touch.”

It was raining lightly. The tracks were a little slick, and there was some litter. It’s early may, and the grass had that beautiful sheen on it, that it gets in the rain. Weird things, visual and sense memory things, are coming back as I write about it.

He was lying down on his face on the tracks. I checked for a carotid pulse again and felt nothing. I checked his hands - they were closed and held tight. Rigor Mortis. I checked his arms, his coat, his clothing, careful not to mess with anything, but looking for lividity. He was bleeding from his face, and, on inspection, his face was very clearly badly injured, bruised, and bloated. I was wearing an N95, but even so, you could smell that he was deceased.

I told my more experienced partner that when he arrived with the other crew. We inspected the scene - noting a shovel and some other tools. There was a little encampment nearby - possibly where this man lived. Beer and food in a little shelter.

It certainly looked like foul play was possible. I learned a few minutes later (on my next call) that the cops did start an investigation there.

As one of the other EMTs from the other crew noted, it was “like a movie scene.” Something about the rain and the light, the way the blood pooled, the way the ants crawled around in it... was surreal. It may have been my less experienced partner’s first DOA when they were first on the scene (it wasn’t mine, but it was certainly the first *outdoor* DOA where I’ve been first and had to help establish that). It was my first suspected murder scene.

And yes, it was deeply sad. There’s some initial adrenaline, for me, in every call. There would be more on my other calls today. There is a voice in my head that repeats a lot of the basic instructions and goes through scenarios: “ABCs” (a note to always prioritize airway, breathing, and circulation). I think about what happened in any given situation and what I should do for my patient. I look for threats to everyone’s safety. And when I can breathe and get a clearer picture of what’s going on, that’s when I can start to process things a bit.

We covered him with a clean sheet from the ambulance and did all the things we needed to do. We talked about it a little, after the call. But I always need to think about things for a few hours after, which is what I’m doing here, by writing about it a bit.

I’m a deeply, empathetic person. I feel for my patients. The call I’m about to talk about - the very next call - required that of me in a different way. But in this scenario, I want to first do everything right for the person and situation, and next, be as respectful as humanly possible. This poor man died - was very probably killed - and was left outside in the rain. I don’t know much about his life, and very little about his death. The whole scenario is very sad, and very surreal.

Every time I’ve had a dead patient, it’s stuck with me. I don’t think I’ll ever forget my first, a woman who very probably died of a heart attack or in her sleep, and her son found her. He was mourning. He was on top of the body, hugging her, crying “I’m sorry, mommy,” and there’s... I guess there’s nothing on earth like that. Nothing like that kind of pain. People, as a rule, do not expect to see their loved ones deceased, and when we do, we usually have a ceremony for it.

I’m just a bystander to that. I can do nothing to help the deceased person, and very little for a mourning loved one, besides being a respectful, empathetic human presence. For my deceased patient today, all we could do was establish that he was dead and do the proper things to ensure his remains would be taken care of (and his death investigated).

My next call was very different, but it was heavy in a different way. We got a call for, basically, a suicidal young woman. We arrived, with PD, to her door. The officers assessed things to an extent, but she revealed that she had been traumatized by police in the recent past, and didn’t want any police in her home. I talked with her calmly, and was able to relieve the cops and take this one, with my partner.

We listened to her. She had obviously been through some extreme trauma and needed mental health resources. I won’t reveal any details here, but I had to keep assuring her that I had no handcuffs and wasn’t interested in taking her against her will. She was terrified of being taken somewhere she didn’t want to go, and I basically sat calmly with her and talked to her about her options. Just talking. Just listening.

This is a case, like a patient a couple of years ago, where I’m very happy to take my time. I’m a volunteer, man. I’m not grinding through a shift for miserable pay, as most EMTs are - I’m here because I frankly want to be useful in this manner.

And I’m happy to sit with a person going through emotional hell, because this is what I can help with. I’m five years into being an EMT with RVAC. I do this 2-3 shifts per month, so I’ll never be the fastest, best, EMT in NYC. But I can be the most patient EMT, and I can give plenty of extra time to a person.

I’m not a therapist, and I don’t pretend to be. That’s what I told her - first, that I’m not a cop, I don’t have cuffs, I have no interest in taking her if she’s of sound mind and doesn’t want to go. Then, second, that I’m no doctor, and no therapist, and that I want her to have resources if she needs them.

We talked more, and did more vitals, and she decided she wanted to come to a mental health facility. We explained every step of the process to her, and what she could expect, and what to bring.

Do I wish I was an actual therapist who could help this girl right away? Yeah. Do I wish I had the ability to make mental health policy that provides good, effective, supportive therapy to all human beings who need it? Yeah. Do I wish I could do better for her than an ER with psych specialists? Where she could easily get lost in the cracks or simply never connect with what she truly needs? Yeah.

I can only take her to a place where people are at least trained to assess her and offer her further resources. I can only hope they actually can help, and do so.

I had another call where we did a bit of *psychological first aid* not long after that. A dramatic scene! A young woman fainted at work at a store, and several people were surrounding her and holding her at the scene! Folks were holding her hands and crying.

It looked wild at first glance, but our patient was completely ok - we got her out, had medics assess her completely, and brought her to the ER while assuring her parents that things looked ok. Her mother was extremely upset, and we had a bit of a language barrier, but we were able to assure her and let her know things looked ok, that her child had very promising vitals and EKG readings, and we just needed the ER visit to make sure.

The medics helping us out were INCREDIBLE. They offered a full walkthrough for us of what was going on physiologically with her and gave a very helpful tip on scenes like that - give bystanders little jobs (just simple stuff, like holding the door, or looking for something like a towel) to do! It helps (caring, kind, just want to help) folks feel helpful when they get scared, especially in dramatic-looking situations.

A lot of drama today. A lot of learning. I felt really good about taking charge with my psych patient and helping her to feel safe and able to make her own decision. Im glad we were able to help our young fainting patient. And as much as it’s heavy, I’m glad I was at least on scene today for our first call. I know I can do nothing but confirm obvious death, but, I take some heart in the kind bystander who called for him (the gentleman who feeds cats nearby).

At least someone cared enough to try.

I’m forever grateful for my partners, for the folks who have taken the time to teach me (back when I was VERY green and still, to this day, as I am learning every single shift), and for the patients who trust me to do my best for them. 

I noticed today, this month marks five years of doing this, with my volunteer corps. I can only hope I learn more and become a more effective EMT as I go.

[colorseeingchick]

Red Rose, White Rose

Summary: He’ll do anything he has to, in order to make her happy. 

Warnings: Hanahaki AU, main character death, angst 

Word Count: 2k

A/N: I know it never mentions Tamaki by name, mainly because this piece was written to be any ‘him’ you feel fit. So if you see this for a different character, that’s okay too, I’m curious who you see so just let me know :) I hope you all enjoy <3

He settled down into his seat, hair falling over his eyes, protecting him from the world- if I can’t see them, they can’t see me. 

He only peaked out from the side of his hair when he heard her sweet laugh resonate in the room.

She was like the sun. She was a breath of fresh air after being in a stuffy room. Bounce locks of chocolate brown hair swaying from side to side as she tossed her head, mocking the rough boys who playfully called out to her, making small talk. 

She could talk to anyone. Everyone was captivated by her charms, including him. 

He didn’t have many friends. None, to be exact. Family was, in name, there. But also questionable. All he had were the hills of greenery and wild flowers to roam and hop in- his safe space. 

Winter months like these were hard for him. But that’s why she was all the more radiant on days like these. 

He never talked to her. But sitting next to her, he heard all her conversations- and through listening, his heart fell deeper and deeper in love. 

She loved rainbows and sunsets. Her favorite food was potato pancakes. She loved listening to music and dancing. She was funny, kind, charismatic. 

His soft soul never stood a chance. Sitting by the window in his attic room, his mind drifted to thoughts of her dancing and laughing, watching a sunset with him in the embrace of summer’s warmth. 

He sought happiness. He sought bliss. To him, she was exactly that. Everything he didn’t have. Life was bearable with dreams of that future. Would life with those dreams coming true be enjoyable? 

He was willing to take the risk to find out. What did he have to lose? Life had been a neutral experience so far. There was no joy for him to lose. 

How should he confess? He wanted to do everything right.

Suddenly, a memory of a conversation she had came to mind. 

“I love white roses! They’re my favorite,” she told her friend while a boy leaned in on their conversation. 

“Oh yeah? Why white?”

“Because they’re different! And special. You don’t see them as often. Everyone likes red roses. But white, its different. And isn’t that which is unique so beautiful?” 

Having always seen himself as the odd one out, this had made his heart flutter. Being different, standing out- it was liked by somebody. That was the first time he had felt accepted in his grey, dull life. 

It was with this memory that he decided he would confess to her with a white rose, at the end of spring-the last day before break would start. It would be perfect. 

***********************

Scouring his hills high and low, he sought a white rose. Despite all the time he had spent buried in the underbrush of the natural terrain, he never noticed that roses were not among the flowers that blossomed. 

He quickly sped away to the marketplace once he realized he wouldn’t be able to find a rose before school had started. The search began at sunrise, but the sun had made its way up, comfortably resting above, warmth brushing earth. 

In town, his shoulders loosened upon seeing a bundle of white roses out at a flower shop’s stall. His breath caught, however, when he saw the price. 

He barely had enough money for lunch, which was very little as is. But he couldn’t even afford a single white rose. He turned his head, scanning for another shop that would carry flowers. No such luck. 

Why are they so expensive?

“I’m sorry, son. Roses are such a rarity around here, and white roses are even rarer. That’s why they’re priced like that,” the old man running the shop kindly explained. 

His shoulders sunk. What was he going to do now? His chest began to tighten. His breath felt like it was caught in his throat. He coughed, hoping to clear his throat and be able to breathe better. 

Was this panic? He had never felt anything as intense as this before. He didn’t like it. 

“I think you have enough money for a red rose, how about that?” The old man chimed. 

“T-thank you, but only white will d-do. Its her f-favorite.” 

“Its for a girl, huh? You really like her?”

“Yessir. I d-d-do.” 

“Tell you what then, You pay me for a red rose, but you take a white one. Sound alright?” 

His face lit up, elated. This elderly man’s kindness had saved him. This small act of kindness made him feel warmth all over. He wondered what other kindness’s the world had to offer. 

“Yes, thank you sir!”

He put all his money on the table, and gently picked out the brightest, biggest blossom of the bunch. Holding it gently, he decided to hide it in his backpack carefully once he got to school. He wouldn’t have any money for lunch, but he didn’t mind at all. 

“Good luck, son. I can tell she really means a lot to you, if you were so set on getting her favorite.” 

A blush settled over his face, and for the first time in a long time, he smiled. 

************

At long last, the day had finally ended. Jitters flooded his legs and fingertips. His time to confess had finally come. 

He saw her, brown hair gently being tossed over her shoulder as she packed her bags, her friends waiting at the doorway. 

Fingers trembling, his bangs hid his flustered expression, pulling the white rose out from the top of his bag. Heart pounding out of his chest, he approached her seat. 

At first, upon his approach, she didn’t acknowledge him. Perhaps she didn’t notice him. Should he say something?

“...H-Hi.”

She puts on a shocked expression, as if she didn’t see him there the whole time. 

“Oh, uh, hi…”

He had her attention -- now what? All words had escaped him. 

“I just wanted to say thank you. In my boring life, you have made it worth living. Your laugh is like the song of an angel, and your smile is like the sun on a rainy day. I know we’ve never talked, but admiring you from afar has kept me going for so long. I wanted to be able to show you how much you mean to me. I want to bring you all the joy and bliss you bring me. I want to be happy with you. Not just because of you.” 

But as I said, all words had escaped him. 

“Th-this is f-for you… I kn-now white roses are your f-favorite.” There it was. His stutter. It always got the better of him, but at a time like this?

Though only a few words, the action said everything it needed to. 

The flower shook in his hands, awkwardly outstretched. 

“Um… I’m sorry but ah- I don’t really like white roses. Red roses are the prettiest, I think.” She gave an uncomfortable smile. 

He didn’t notice though. Everything had gone blurry. 

“I’m so s-s-s-sorry.” It was the only thing he could say before his feet naturally started to carry him out the door, past her friends who had watched the nightmare play out. 

“Oh my God did he actually ask her out?”

“I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard him talk.”

“Poor thing, she could’ve at least taken the rose- I saw that they coasted an arm and a leg. I feel bad…” 

But the comments all fell on deaf ears. He felt like he was drowning. His feet that took him out the door sped up, carrying him to his hilly field- his best hope at a safe space. It was windy that spring day.

His mind wasn’t working. There was only pounding in his chest and deep gasps for air as he crashed, resting against his ‘nap tree.’ The flower was still in his hand. Some of the petals had fallen. 

He sat and thought. Should he go and try and exchange the rose for a red one? No. she wouldn’t take it anyways. It wasn’t the rose that wasn’t good enough for her. It was him. 

Its okay. He could just go on admiring her from afar, right? Nothing new. It didn’t matter. But why did his heart feel like it was on fire? Why were tears stinging his eyes and staining his cheeks? He coughed, seemingly incapable of catching his breath. 

He was heartbroken. That’s why. The one person he had invested so much of his heart and soul into wanted nothing to do with him. He could fantasize within the safety of the unknown, but now reality had knocked him down to earth. He was a lost cause. A sad, pathetic excuse of a person. Did he think he could really end up with her? Stupid. 

Sniffles, sobs, and coughs were covered with the sound of leaves and branches blowing in the wind. But the sniffles, sobs, and coughs all became more aggressive. 

In the midst of his breakdown, his eyes trained on the rose, now tear covered. Did she like white roses? Or red? Maybe she didn’t even like roses at all. Maybe everything was something he created for himself to pretend he knew her. Not that it mattered. He couldn’t afford any of it. 

But the though of a red rose haunted him. What if he had one of each? Lost in his thoughts, the physical pains of tears and coughs were overlooked. 

Suddenly, by some miracle, a red rose appeared in his hands to break his thoughts! It was a beautiful, bright red rose in full bloom. Upon first glance. 

He gently brushed the petal, only to watch the red smear. 

It was a white rose. 

The red was blood covering it. 

A wave of shock and fear flooded him. Where did it come from? His body answered as he heard a horrible wheezing sound. Coming from his mouth. 

A few petals only came up this time. But he knew. They were coming from him. As moments passed, the coughing only got worse. More and more red and white pearls fell from his mouth, blood dripping from the sides. 

The more he tried to breathe, the worse it got. White stained roses were all that surrounded him. 

To him, the worth of the flowers around him now exceeded the worth of his own life. 

“I wish I could’ve brought her as much happiness as these flowers would…”

He contemplated crawling home or to a hospital, but he decided against it. It would only give his parents a bill they couldn’t afford to pay, and its not like anyone would really miss him anyways. He accepted his fate. 

He would much rather take a nap against his nap tree in his only happy place. A nice long nap. 

His coughing became like white noise as he watched the sun set. As the air in his lungs were gradually replaced with thorny pearly white roses, he became light-headed, vision fading. Before the pink and orange sky disappeared for good, he swear he saw her, dancing in the field, smiling at him, one last time. He smiled as the world darkened. 

*******************

She watched the popular boy sit on the empty desk next to her, pulling out a large bouquet of white roses from behind him. She gasped, elated.

“My favorite!” She took them graciously. 

“But they’re so expensive. How could you afford them?” In the height of summer on their last day of school, she assumed the prices would still be high. 

The boy rubbed his neck. “Actually, I cut these roses myself. There’s this beautiful rose bush at the top of this hilly field, right under this huge oak tree. I don’t know how it got there, but it’s a really a sight to see.”

She smiled and gently smelled the roses. They smelled fresh

and metallic. 

But she dismissed it. 

“That’s wonderful. You should take me there, to that hill. I would love to see it myself.”

She giggled, gaze lost in the roses in her hands. 

“Thank you for these, really. White roses really make me so happy.”

[danceing-spelled-wrong]

I've created siblings.

Yes. I'm brain dead.

Yes I have too much time.

Yes I'm dying

And yes. They over lay with Amly

I guess I'll explain them..woo..

Cemi:

He came to Snaktooth Island because he was dragged there by his older sister

He's not a well known icon, but he's known for his modeling gigs

He gets crushes pretty easily and gets upset when they don't like him back

Even though he looks like he would never hurt anyone, he could hurt anyone and will do it

He's really good at hiding and publicly speaking

When he first stepped on the island, he met Eggabell and fell in love with her

Then he met Triffany and fell in love with her, then Wiggle, and lastly Floofty

He doesn't like his sister because she spends time with Floofty

He doesn't like Chandlo(he got confused and thought he was dating Floofty) or Gramble because they have a thing for his crushes

He covers his left eye due to incident with a wild animal but his sister took most of the fall for him

His hut is right beside his sister's hut which is near the woods

In town, he's known as a bit of a stalker

He's relatively popular despite him acting shy which might add to his "coolness" but that's up to perceptive

Beffica made him a bracelet and he always keeps it on

Even though Lizbert's with Eggabell, Cemi doesn't hate her along with Wambus

He goes out at night to..do whatever he wants

You meet him in the desert where he's stalking helping Triffany

Charlia:

She came to Snaktooth Island because she wanted to study the snaxs and get away from the city

She took a liking towards Floofty and Snorpy since they're siblings and she just so happened to bring her younger brother with her

Her and Floofty get along due to their fascination of the bugsnax and both missing their limbs

She uses a prosthetic arm due to an incident that happened when she was younger

Amly tried stealing her arm and now Charlia always keeps it on her no matter what

You find her in the Sugerpines not near Chandlo or Snorpy but closer towards the mountain

Sometimes, she lifts Cemi into the air because he's light weight and because she thinks it's cute when he tries to get out her grasp

If someone is older then her, then she'll refer to them as a Miss, Mr, Mrs, and Mx

Snorpy fixes her arm when it's broken or just isn't working

Lizbert sometimes invites her on expeditions that way Charlia can grab some test subjects

She doesn't eat the snax, seeing them as..gross but she thinks that of anything she consumes

The experiments she does aren't harsh like Floofty's but it still involves scalpels and jars of unused parts

Besides doing experiments, she really good at sports mainly basketball and football

Dialogue in game:

Cemi:

Filbo

"He's really cool! He once complimented my fur AND gave me a high five!"

Wambus

"I don't appreciate him eyeing my wife, I don't see why Filbo thinks he's so great."

Beffica

"O M G! Cemi is like, the coolest grumpus here! I gave him a bracelet and he hasn't taken it off yet!"

Gramble

"He doesn't..like me.."

Wiggle

"Darling..he followed me for a whole day! I'm no stranger to stalkers but this is just ridiculous!"

Snorpy

"No comment."

Cromdo

"All he does is stalk people and everyone still think he's such a great guy!"

Amly

"Isn't that the stalker? Cemy right? Geez..I don't try to steal from him in case it directs his attention towards me."

Triffany

"Cemi? Oh dear..he stood at mine and Wamby's doorway and watched me sleep all night.."

Chandlo

"He assumes I'm in a relationship with Floofty and now sends me death threats.."

Floofty

"I'm confused on how him and Charlia are related."

Shelda

"Absolutely no comment on that..thing!"

Being asked about Floofty:

"I would say yes..but they haven't said anything about the love letters I sent.."

Charlia

Filbo

"She's so sweet, I would love to have an older sister like her!"

Wambus

"I'd like to know why she doesn't slap some sense into her brother, maybe then he'd stop with the stalking."

Beffica

"Eh, I don't speak to her but I do know that her and Cemi are related..I see the resemblance, but they don't act the same."

Gramble

"Oh..she's..very kind..and she drops off some bugsnax if she ever catches an extra one!"

Wiggle

"A lot less..strange then her brother, I would ask why her brothers like that, but I have a feeling she's a bit like him in a way.."

Snorpy

"Charlia's arm would always break so I would be the one to fix it for her, she's quite a fan of my work, mainly because I also have a sibling who is..different."

Cromdo

"A two bit goody-two shoes is what she is! She's just as bad as Beffica, but worse!"

Amly

"I can't stand her, she's too nice to everyone and doesn't get upset when I steal stuff from her!"

Triffany

"I'm not around her a lot, but she sure is nice to talk to when we're near!"

Chandlo

"Any friend of Snorpy, is a friend of mine. She can also can jump pretty high, she's a great opponent in basketball!"

Floofty

"A curious type, like Triffany but can hold back her joy in favor of science, if only she'd let me experiment on her."

Shelda

"Nothing evil seems to be stemming from in her..but still..avoid at all cost!"

Being asked about Floofty:

"I would..but I've seen what they do..and I rather keep my other arm.."

Meeting Cemi

"Ah! Wambus! I'm not eyeing ya wife! I swear!"

*calm down, i'm not wambus*

"Oh thank grump! I don't want to be thrown again.."

"Who are you anyways? You here to stalk too?"

*explains*

"A journalist? Did Lizbert ask you to be here..or something?"

"Whatever. I'm Cemi Bowtwist, I'm a model, you a fan?"

*Come back to town?*

"Oh no! No no no! If I go back, Wambus will rip me to shreds!"

*what did you do?*

"I..um..was watching Triffany sleep."

*that's creepy*

"Hey! Can ya blame me? She's married AND hot!"

"So no. I'm not coming back to town. Not until Wambus forgives me for my action!"

*why should he?*

"Because..he has to agree..his wife is really hot.."

*Sure I guess*

"Wowy! Thank you so much!"

*Wambus agrees as long as you stop*

"Oh great..sure..I guess.."

"Alright, who else is in town?"

*Gramble, Beffica, Filbo, and Wambus*

"Oh great..is Wiggle in town? If she's there, then I'll definitely come back!"

*Wiggle's in town*

"Yes! My girl is back! Awooo!!"

"Ha ha! Alright buddy boy, I'm-"

"Woah! Wait! I got to bring something for her! Ahh!!"

"Hey boy..can you..get me a Sweetiefly? The ones in the shape of hearts? If I give it to her, she might forget I followed her for a day.."

*gives Lovely Sweetiefly*

"Thank you so much! I guess I'll see you in town then, ciao buddy boy!"

Meeting Charlia

"Oh hiya! I haven't seen you around before..you're that journalist Miss Megafig told me about, right?"

"I knew it! But..I guess you came for no reason, Miss Megafig gone missin'..whya still here?"

*explains*

"Oh! That's rather kinda of ya!"

"They call me Charlia! Charlia Bowtwist! Nice to meet cha!"

*Come back to town?*

"Town? Well..I do miss my hut..but I'm about to make a break through! I've been testing this Strabby and learned that bugsnax don't have organs!"

"With this..I can finally figure out what bugsnax are!"

"But I need more.."

"If ya don't mind bitsy..could you get me a..oh..a Weenyworm and a Cinnasnail? If it's no trouble."

*got the worm and snail*

"Perfect! They'll do perfectly!"

"Hm..just as I expected, no organs! But that doesn't explain why they don't, maybe they're their own species? How come Miss Megafig is the only grumpus who discovered them?"

"So many unknown answers! I gotta get more info!"

"Maybe Mx Fizzlebean could help me..hey..are they in town?"

"If so..can you ask them if they're willing to help me with my studies."

*Floofty says they're gonna help*

"I always liked that grumpus...*sigh*.."

"I'm comin' back! I'll see ya in town bitsy!"

Welcome back message:

Cemi

"Hello Wiggle!"

"Oh..you.."

"I..brought you some Sweetieflies!"

"Cemi. I appreciate the thought..but this doesn't fix the fact you stalked me for a whole day!"

"I was making sure..you were safe!"

"....."

"How about a walk on the beach?"

"....."

"Hehehe.."

"......"

"I'll..just..leave them here.."

"......"

"Um..bye!"

Charlia

"Oh..hey sis."

"Baby brother! I'm so happy you're here!"

"Yeah..happy to see you too.."

"What brings you back anywho?"

"All my crushes are back and I plan to ask one out."

"I wish the best of luck to you little brother!"

"What about you?"

"Me and Mx Fizzlebean are gonna study Bugsanx again."

"Oh..well..can you hook me up with them? Tell them how cool I am?

"Sorry brother, they're just not interested in you."

"Yet."

"You really have a problem."

"No. You do."

"...."

"...."

"Well bye Ce!"

"Cya Char."

Interviews

Interviewing Cemi:

*Have time for an interview?*

"Of course, I'm always open for an interview!"

*Who are you?*

"The names Cemi Bowtwist, beginner model, lady master, and Grump City's most eligible bachelor!"

*Why come to Snaktooth Island?*

"I didn't want to come here, I had my mansion and my fame but my sister dragged me here."

"That's because you've been living under a rock. Duh."

*Thoughts on Bugsnax*

"Amazing, delicious, and will get me a lover!"

*If you're famous, shouldn't it be easy to find a lover?*

"Um..skip."

*Why did you leave town?*

"*sigh*"

"When Triffany and Wambus split, I tried going after her to see if I could romance her..and when I failed I came back and..Wambus was waiting there.."

"Safe to say I got out of there before he could land a blow."

*Maybe you should stop going after peoples wives*

"Eh.."

*Any info on Lizbert?*

"Meh..I don't really like her all that much. The only reason I involved myself with her was because she was the girlfriend of Eggabell."

*Another crush?*

"I've been single since I was a teen, give me a break."

*What happened to Lizbert?*

"Her and Eggabell had an argument and I tried getting with Eggabell before they made up but then they went missing, so sadly..I have no idea."

*That'll be it, thank you!*

"That was nice! I enjoy interviews very much!"

"I also found..this..laying around..so..here."

"Now I'm gonna try to get Floofty's attention, cya!"

*you received a strange key*

Interviewing Charlia:

*Have time for an interview?*

"I'm always open to chat about my experiments!"

*Who are you?*

"Charlia Bowtwist! Eldest of the two!"

*Two?*

"Yeah! I have a younger brother! He's the cutest thing ever!"

*Why come to Snaktooth Island?*

*Why did you want to escape?*

*Thoughts on Bugsnax?*

"They're really interesting and confusing..like..what are they really? And why is everyone interested in eating them? I know Miss Megafig said they were safe..but I don't get it.."

*Then what do you do with the Bugsnax?*

"Unlike everyone else..I study them and figure out why they change everyone's limbs, Mx Fizzlebean said if I want my arm back, I could eat one..but..I think that wouldn't work very much.."

*How did you lose your arm?*

"An accident regarding an animal when I was a kid..well..it was my brothers fault but I took most of the damage for him."

*Why did you leave town*

"I left..because the fighting was too much, I'm not new to arguments..but the screaming and constant fighting was too much to handle, so I left around when Snorpy and Mr Funkbun left."

*Any info on Lizbert?*

"Miss Megafig is really nice grumpus! She shows me the ropes of catching the snax and talks to me about personal issues, I liked speaking with her a lot!"

*What happened to Lizbert*

"I'm not sure..I was asleep when she and Eggabell went missing.."

"According to Mx Fizzlebean, they had an argument before they disappeared..so..maybe they're sorting things out on a secret part of the island!"

"That was rather quick..but fun!"

"You know..I found this earlier, here, you seem to be interested in this investigation stuff!"

*You were given a journal with a lock*

Reaction to death when and after:

Cemi

"H-Huh? Charlia..?"

"Why was I so mean to her..she..she just wanted to help me..and I shoved her away..

She didn't deserve to go..I was being a jerk..why did..those things..take her?

They knew didn't they?

About her suffering?

That's why they took her..

I need to be alone..go away.."

Charlia

"Noooooooo! Cemi no! Please grump no!! Don't..please..come back.."

"This has to be a dream..please..say it's a dream..he..he's not dead..no..

I'm a terrible big sister! I deserved to go, not him! Why take him you..you evil creatures of hell?!

Just..take me..please..I..I want to leave..please..take me..

Go away..please."

No more OCs. I can't be bothered to make more concepts..