#also i have THREE job interviews in the next week so :) i feel like i deserve to chill lol

[theworldoffostering]

You guys, I feel like I’m drowning. These past three weeks have felt unmanageable to me. Like, I don’t know how to keep going.

I’m walking alongside (trying the best I know how) the older girls as one navigates this break up and the other tries to transition to college. We got DD a car, but it still needs a few repairs. She was here all afternoon today working on it with DH.

I am waiting for the updated version of Ms. 6’s IEP to hit my inbox to send it off to the school. I am also working on her housing contract. Then I think I can step back for a few weeks. Still trying to figure out what’s going on with graduation. Her mom is back to letting her go to it and maybe allow her to stay for dinner, but it’s Memorial Day weekend and I don’t want to put a deposit down for a dinner somewhere only to have her not be allowed to attend at the last minute. I also don’t want to disappoint her. I’m unsure of how to proceed, so I’m just sort of frozen.

DS takes his civics test next week. You have to pass in order to graduate high school. He has prepared and seems like he will do well. He’s also pole vaulting and doing well at that for being a novice and having very little practice time due to the crummy weather we’ve been having.

Work is a lot right now. It’s to be expected due to the time of year. I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s a lot to slog through.

DH was verbally offered a job this week as a special education teacher. He is supposed to return to school to get his teaching certification in about a week, and is waiting for a letter of intent via email from the potential employer. It’s a lot. We are trying to manage the financial aid piece and we are up against a super tight deadline right now. His interview for the job was virtual, so he’s heading to the school next week to actually tour it and meet his potential coworkers. In the spirit of living in a small town, one of the women he used to live who was in live with him (for real)—the housing situation was work related—works at the school. She has legit not spoken to myself or DH since he and I got engaged so that seems like it will be super awkward (although she is also married now and has kids).

DH is finally seeing a decent therapist and between the therapist and neuropsych eval he had done during fall, it is apparent he is super depressed. Depressed is apparently his baseline and super depressed happens quite a bit. It is helpful to have it identified, but wow, it is a lot to live with. I am really struggling as his wife because he cannot do much and is not really emotionally available 90% of the time. He’s so inwardly focused, that he cannot focus on me, the kids, relationships, stuff that needs to be done, etc. I’m drowning and he cannot take on any of the workload. It sucks.

My endocrin had me take b12 supplements the last three months and my level actually decreased. I’m starting up with b12 injections next week. My TSH is also super, super low which means I’m hyperhyroid and should be losing weight, but I’m gaining which also sucks.

My endocrin is out of network for me which means my injections will be out of network. I have ZERO out of network benefits. The whole healthcare system is atrocious. I refuse to go back to the three endocrins I saw before I connected with my current one. They were all terrible, but in network. I need a super expensive full body scan but I for sure cannot pay for that out of pocket, so I’m waiting to see if my GP will prescribe it when I see him in June.

My crown also broke this week and when the dentist looked at it, I had worn a hole clear through the middle. He said it was due to grinding/stress. I wear a mouth guard religiously at night, so it’s happening during the day. :-/ Cue more medical bills. They glued my current one back on and can’t get me in to work on repair until June. I almost cried when trying to schedule with them because I just cannot even do all of this any more. (It also hurt wicked bad last time they fixed it so I’m somewhat terrified to return.)

That’s my list of complaints/brain dump. There’s more, but I need to wrap up some grading and get dinner going. I miss a life that was easier and less complicated.

[vhagarlovebot]

gwen, i need ur thought on dilf/older!aemond !!

MEAN!DILF AEMOND — NSFW, MINORS DNI.

♡. ── pics credit. ; ( aemond targaryen masterlist. )

pairing: dilf!aemond targaryen x fem!reader

content warnings: 18+, explicit content, aemond is in his late 30s, reader is in her early 20s, dubcon, somnophilia, mean!dilf aemond, marking/biting, edging, possessive!aemond, dacryphilia, degradation, praising, aftercare.

note: sorry it took me so long! if there are any mistakes i apologize but english is not my first language. reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated!

aemond targaryen and you met after you answered his anonymous ad looking for a babysitter. you were struggling with college and paying rent, so it was something you really needed. and so aemond needed it too.

aemond emailed you an address for your first meeting and you almost fell off the chair when you googled the place; a very fancy restaurant in the upper side of town.

you dressed in your best clothes, a decent dress you knew would help you make a good impression, and made your way to the restaurant, so anxious you had to stop at the entrance and take a deep breath.

when the host led you to the table, you were met with the last person you were expecting. there, on a table for three, was sitting aemond targaryen—the ceo of one of the biggest corporations in westeros and member of one of the most renowned families—next to a silver haired girl clinging to his arm.

after you got over your initial shock and learned that he was actually really kind and easy going under that ‘dark’ facade he always showed to everyone—not that you really knew him, it was all based on the countless interviews on magazines—you were able to relax and answer all his questions.

you were also able to ask him anything and clear all doubt you had. you even talked to the little girl, vaella, who was no older than four years old.

your first weeks you didn’t see aemond. he told he was closing a very big deal and that you would need go stay at home to take care of his little girl. and you had no problem, everywhere was better than living with your very annoying roommate.

but once that job was finished. you started seeing him at home more often which only made you more nervous and uncomfortable. because every time you turned around, he was there leaning against the door watching you play with vaella, or simply looking at you from behind the newspaper while you feed vaella her breakfast.

the intensity in his gaze made your skin burn. every time you caught him checking you out, a shiver would roll down your neck as a warmth pooled in your lower belly at the thought of him finding you attractive. it made you feel good.

aemond made the first move one night after vaella fell asleep and found you next to her, asleep too.

aemond took you in his arms, wanting to leave you on the guest room and retreat to his own to rest, when he heard you mumble his name in your sleep. “what was that, kid?” he asked you, fingers caressing your cheek, aware you were dreaming. “oh fuck—aemond,” you moaned, and he couldn’t help the smirk that made its way onto his face.

it didn’t matter to him that you were sleeping. after all it was of him you were dreaming of and he would not let that slide.

you thought you were having a very vivid dream, his hands on your body felt a little too realistic but you were enjoying it; you knew it was wrong and fucked up even in your subconscious but it feel too good to made yourself wake up. if you couldn’t make those fantasies come true, you will have him in your dreams.

aemond squeezed your breast, hand slipping past the waistband of your pants and cupping your cunt. you moaned, eyes slowly fluttering open. it didn’t scare you seeing him so close, eyes so dark you couldn’t see his irises anymore. “was it a good dream?” he teased you, lips attaching to your left breast. it feel even better than your dream.

aemond wasn’t gentle that night.

but you like when he manhandles you and uses you for his own pleasure. if you’re a good girl and take everything he gives you, he lets you cum.

aemond likes to tease you. even more so when you are at one of the events he’s hosting at his house. you are always around because he likes to keep his daughter around. and he’s not going to lie, he likes seeing you all flustered when you caught him looking at you from across the room.

he would introduce you as his daughter’s babysitter, a hand on your lower back, thumb caressing your bare skin as he keeps a straight face as if he didn’t made you cum until your legs were trembling just a few minutes ago, hiding from everyone behind a bookshelf.

aemond would see you trying to hide the bite marks he left on your neck with a smirk on his face. he has to bite his lips to stop himself from chuckling when he sees people eyes darting to the place where the marks are more dark and visible, your face heating up at noticing it too.

he’s not an idiot, he sees how some of the men look at you, even asking him very inappropriate questions about you. aemond tries his best to hide his anger, clenching his jaw and excusing himself.

you end up bent over his desk on his studio after one particular men tried to flirt with you. “parading yourself like a slut. can’t even leave you alone for one minute.” he grunts, pulling down his pants.

when you’re watching a movie with vaella, aemond likes to have his hand on your thighs, squeezing and caressing just inches away from when you need him. you look at him, pleading, but he doesn’t even look in your direction, pretending to pay attention to the movie playing in the background.

and when he notices that you’re not able to keep still, parting your legs and bucking your hips up, trying to make him touch you, he slaps your thigh, nails digging onto the soft flesh making you whimper. “pathetic slut, you have no respect for my daughter.” he laughs at you, removing his hand.

aemond punishes you for being so greedy, edging you all night until you’re a crying mess and can’t think straight.

you sob, hot salty tears streaming down your face. “please, please!” you don’t even know what you are begging for. aemond feels bad for a second until he feels you tighten around his fingers, a dark laugh falling off his lips. “you like this, stop being a fucking baby and take it.”

and when he finally slides in, it’s too much. you’ve been at it for hours, and you’re too sensitive so you try to push him away but he pins your hips to the bed, frowning down at you and forcing you to take him to the hilt.

aemond has to put a hand over your mouth to muffle your moans. “you need to keep it down, sweetheart. don’t want to wake vaella up, do we?”

aemond likes praising you, especially when you’ve been such a good girl for him, allowing him to do whatever he wanted with you.

“doing s’good for me, sweetheart.” he says, brushing a strand of hair out of your sweaty forehead and hips thrusting into you.

when he finally lets you cum, it’s devastating. it leaves you trembling, muscles going limp.

aemond always asks you where you want him to cum and your answer is always inside. he likes to hear you say it, he cums hard every time, painting your walls white.

after you both come down from your high, he does not hesitate to wrap you in his arms and kiss your temple, whispering soft words in your ear.

aemond cleans you up, gives you water, runs a bath for you and even gives you a massage. he lets you rest on his bed while he makes something to eat and checks on his daughter. he spoils you.

“you were such a good girl, it’s the least i can do.” he says, softly kissing your lips, after you try to get up and help him. “you need to rest, sweetheart.”

and the next morning when he sees you having trouble to walk straight or even sit, he needs to hide his smile behind his hand. seeing you that way only helps to feed his ego.

[yelena-bellova]

Heartfirst: A Ted Lasso Story - Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen: Break My Heart

Plot: With Y/n and Jamie not speaking to one another, a trip to Manchester brings about opportunity and heartache.

Word Count: 8k

Warnings: f!reader, language, insinuated smut, mention of abusive parents

A/N: THIS is the chapter I’ve been looking forward to the most. Even though this isn’t the conclusion, I think it’s what the whole thing’s been building to. Well, this is part one of it, at least. I’m gonna shut up now and just let you read. Enjoy!!

—————

Sam Obisanya: Remember that movie we were looking forward to? It’s coming out on Friday. Want to catch it this weekend?

Colin Hughes: Haven’t seen you around lately. Everything alright?

Dani Rojas: We missed you at Isaac’s birthday dinner! Come visit us next time you are free!

Rebecca Welton: Your tea’s cold. Keeley’s confirmed you’re not dead. Several questions.

Ted Lasso: What’s shaking, Abe Lincoln? Don’t be a stranger next time you’re meeting with the boss.

There had been an onslaught of texts in the three weeks since Y/n had moved out of the Dogtrack. She hadn’t expected people to not notice she was gone, but she hadn’t thought so many of them would care.

She’d ignored every single one.

She wasn’t the only one who’d chosen to stick with Keeley. Barbara had stayed on as well. With Rebecca’s generous financing, the three of them were keeping their ship afloat all by themselves. Jack be damned.

True to her word, Y/n handled all Richmond business from afar, only popping in with Keeley for an occasional meeting with Rebecca and Higgins. She sorted press conferences and post-match interviews without ever stepping foot in the building. If it weren’t so unhealthy, it would have been impressive.

In her makeshift office, actually the conference room, Y/n paced around her computer. She eyed the screen each time she passed by. Roy had a presser scheduled for the afternoon. Sam and…another player were meant to join him. Sam she could handle seeing, though Lord knows she felt guilty for ghosting him. The other one…

“Oh,” Y/n waved herself off, feeling ridiculous. She was a grown woman. She could handle it, she thought, as she turned on the video feed.

Springing to life on her screen, Roy sat between Sam and Jamie, fielding questions.

Y/n’s insides locked up. Jamie.

They hadn’t spoken since the night he’d shown up at her apartment. Not a single text or run-in. It was no longer just Y/n avoiding him, Jamie was actively not speaking to her.

Y/n tried to focus on Sam’s answers, he spoke humbly about Richmond’s 15-game win streak. The last three had been unbelievable you-had-to-be-there kind of matches. Hiding in her apartment with a Sky Sports broadcast hadn’t compared to the real thing. Y/n missed the energy of the stadium and the joy of watching the boys.

Her eyes kept floating back to Jamie. He was hunched over the table, biting his nails, not making eye contact with anyone. He didn’t look like he wanted to be there at all.

Marcus Adebayo, though he answered to Roy’s nickname of ‘better Trent,’ stood and addressed Jamie. “On the heels of making your England debut, how does it feel to be named Premier League Player of the Month?”

“Eh, um, yeah. Yeah, it feels good, I guess,” Jamie answered hesitantly, “But it’s really the team making me look good. So, I should be doing a better job of making them look good, really.”

If Y/n had been in the room, Sam, Roy and her would have all shared the same puzzled look.

“So, yeah. Makes me feel bad,” Jamie finished with a pursed frown.

Roy leaned forward, “Uh, Jamie also led the league in assists this month so he’s done plenty to make his teammates look good.”

“Yeah, but they’re the ones who took all the shots,” Jamie corrected softly.

“He also scored a goal,” Sam interjected.

“T-that was meant to be a pass,” Jamie pointed out, his voice high with anxiety, “You shouldn’t count that. That goal is a lie. It should be retracted from the records.”

Y/n shook her head in confusion, whispering to the empty room, “What are you doing?”

“I apologize to everyone,” Jamie continued, “Especially to the kids.”

“Right, let’s call it there, everyone,” Roy decided at the exact second Y/n was internally stepping forward, “That was great. Thanks very much.”

Y/n stared at the screen, her gaze following Jamie until he was off camera. Whoever had been speaking wasn’t any variation of the Jamie Tartt she knew. He was so out of character it was concerning.

She glanced at her phone, the device silently begging her to type a message. Ask him. Talk to him. Find out what’s wrong. Help him.

Instead, Y/n took a deep breath, closed out the browser, opened her email and got back to work. No good could come from her reaching out. Jamie would be absolutely fine without her, better even. And she would be fine without him.

—————————

Y/n wasn’t a woman who ever thought a man’s presence added anything to a situation she couldn’t. But as she heaved the water jug onto the cooler, she wished that she hadn’t sent the delivery guy away under the assumption she could do it herself.

She returned to the main room to find Keeley in conversation with Roy, both of them turning to face her.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Roy asked.

Y/n motioned to the space around them, “I work here.”

“No, you don’t,” he replied matter-of-factly, “You work at Richmond.”

“Y/n has been here the last few weeks,” Keeley answered, “Just to get things back up and running while we’re short staffed.”

Roy took deep pride in not interjecting himself into anyone else’s business. Sure, he’d helped Isaac through whatever the fuck had caused his meltdown last month. Yes, he offered Ted advice from time to time. But the other 99% of the time, he didn’t particularly care what choices the people around him made. Their lives were theirs and his was his.

But Jamie and Y/n were another fucking deal.

He wouldn’t have invited Y/n along to their 4AM training sessions if he hadn’t known she helped keep Jamie’s spirits up. He’d caught the two of them leaving the parking lot together more than a dozen times. He’d noticed Jamie be the first one on the pitch whenever Y/n was observing training and the first one off when she was waiting on him for lunch. He was well aware the two of them were attached at the fucking hip. Y/n’s disappearance had thrown everything off-balance. Maybe it wasn’t the reason for Jamie breaking down in Roy’s arms earlier, but it certainly couldn’t be helping.

“Oh,” Roy humored the answer, smiling at Y/n. “That’s very kind of her.”

Y/n grinned back nervously, Roy could see through everyone’s bullshit but his own.

“She could help too,” Keeley suggested.

“Help with what?” Y/n asked.

Keeley gestured to Roy for an explanation. “Jamie’s going through some shit. I asked Keeley to talk to him, but since you two are close, maybe you could too.”

Big fat flashing red sirens went off in Y/n’s head. “Oh, I really don’t think I’d help anything,” she struggled, “I-I think Keeley’s much more suited.”

“Not necessarily,” Keeley disagreed as Roy continued to stare Y/n down, “I mean, you two are really good friends.”

“We’re not that close,” Y/n lied, “I mean, we’ve hung out a couple of times but really,” she extended a hand toward her boss, “You definitely know him better.”

Unlike her ex, Keeley had no problem inserting herself in other people’s business. She hadn’t yet approached Y/n about the headlines she and Jamie had made after the England match or the fact that she didn’t want to go near Nelson Road. Since coming back from London, Y/n had pulled away from everyone and everything, Keeley included.

Roy was taking some sick joy in egging Y/n on, “Oh, no, I think-“

“I’ll take care of it,” Keeley jumped to say, ending whatever confrontation was about to take place. “Promise.”

Y/n and Roy held eye contact, challenging one another to break first. Eventually, Roy’s desire to look at Keeley won out and he turned away.

“Thanks,” he glanced back over at Y/n, “I’ll leave you two to your work.”

Stealing one more fleeting gaze at his ex-girlfriend, Roy left the way he’d come, leaving Y/n with a whole new bunch of unresolved feelings.

“He’s quite handsome.”

Y/n startled, she hadn’t even realized Barbara was seated at her desk for the whole exchange. She headed for the conference room, eager to get away from every part of the conversation.

Keeley hung back a moment before following her and gently knocking on the door. “Hi,” she entered slowly, “Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Y/n answered with faux cheeriness, seated once more at her desk/table, “Fine.”

“It’s just back there…you seemed a bit on edge when Roy mentioned Jamie,” Keeley broached the topic with care.

Y/n’s muscles involuntarily clenched, she tried to keep an even expression. “No, I’m fine.”

Keeley hesitated, nearly turning around and leaving before deciding to just go for it. “You know, if this is about the pictures of you two, I don’t think anyone thinks-“

Y/n sighed, “Keeley, I’m fine. I just think Roy should do his fucking job and take care of his players instead of pawning them off on one of us.”

“I’m not talking about Roy,” Keeley replied, “I’m talking about-“

“Jamie and I are not close,” Y/n said, her tone harsher than intended, “We are not friends. There’s nothing wrong with him, we’re just not as chummy as everyone seems to think we are. End of story.”

Keeley knew Y/n’s edges were sharp, but she hadn’t ever seen her snap so quickly. It only told her there was more to the issue than she’d guessed.

“Got it,” she gave a single nod, “I’m sorry I asked.”

Y/n regretted her words the moment she’d said them. Keeley hadn’t deserved her misplaced frustration. But the mere mention of that night triggered Y/n’s fight-or-flight response. Mixed with the knowledge that something was wrong with Jamie and that Roy clearly knew something, it was all too much.

She stared out the conference room window, landing on Keeley and Barbara’s desks they’d pushed together. She could have been with them, working together as a team. Instead, she was hiding away, once again deciding that the isolation could keep her safe from everything.

Everything except the gnawing fear that she was responsible for Jamie’s behavior.

—————————

Finally, the long awaited weekend arrived.

Man City versus Richmond.

Y/n left no stone unturned when searching for a new excuse not to attend the match. She’d had her period the first week of her three week absence, sick and exhausted the next two. If she’d had any family in the country, there would have been some fake emergency involving them.

She knew she couldn’t get away with a full month’s nonattendance. She had to go to Manchester.

Packing an overnight bag at 6AM and getting on the road by 7 had been her self-ruled terms. The last thing Y/n wanted was to be stuffed on a bus with everyone she was trying to avoid for four hours. Driving herself allowed not only space, but an escape route, if she needed it.

She was barely out of London when Keeley rang her. “Hi.”

“Hi,” the Bluetooth speakers of the car projected Keeley’s voice, “We’re loading the bus up. Just wanted to see where you were.”

Y/n sighed, she’d forgotten to tell someone she wasn’t coming with the team. “Actually, I’m already on the road. I couldn’t sleep so I figured I’d get an early start.”

“Oh,” Keeley sounded a bit disappointed, but not entirely surprised, “That makes sense. Smart choice.”

“Yeah,” Y/n replied, feeling the familiar burn in her gut that came with each lie she told, “I’m a bit ahead of you guys so I’ll see you when you get there.”

“Alright. Drive safe, yeah?”

“You too,” she said before disconnecting the call.

Y/n tried to listen to music, tried to play a podcast, but she found that anything other than silence just didn’t feel right. Every song seemed to trace back to her situation and every spoken word seemed to be speaking directly to her, telling her everything she was doing was wrong.

The silence was no more comforting, it only gave her more room to ruminate about the weekend. How was she supposed to avoid Jamie in such close quarters? How was she supposed to keep away from Ted, Rebecca, Keeley, the rest of the team? It felt like a mistake to come and an equally massive one to stay behind.

A long four hours later, Y/n pulled up to the Hacienda Hotel. The Greyhound bus had yet to arrive. She actually stood a chance at getting up to her room and dodging company till the match.

Y/n gave her car to the valet and dragged her single suitcase through the lobby. She headed straight for the front desk.

“Hi,” she greeted the concierge, “I have a reservation under Y/l/n.”

“Let me just check,” the man replied, typing the last name into his computer. He frowned, “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t seem to have that reservation.”

“No, that can’t be right,” Y/n calmly replied, “I called yesterday about transferring one room under the Richmond block to my name.”

The man scrolled through his list a second time, “Unfortunately, that request doesn’t seem to have been entered into our system. All the Richmond rooms are reserved under the name ‘Lasso.’”

Y/n sighed, she’d gone to extreme lengths to separate herself before even stepping foot in the city. So much so that she’d been willing to pay her own overpriced hotel rate.

“Fine,” she relented, “It doesn’t matter. Checking in to one room under the name ‘Lasso.’”

“Unfortunately, ma’am,” the employee grimaced, “Under hotel policy, we can’t check in individual guests if the reservation is under a different name. You’ll have to wait until the main guest has arrived.”

Y/n’s plan crumbled further, Ted had to check her in? Worse, she’d have to wait with the whole fucking team?

Just as she’d connected the dots, the hiss of a Coach could be heard outside. Y/n whipped her head around to see the AFC Richmond logo and the moving silhouettes of the boys through the dark windows.

“There,” Y/n pointed to the bus, “The main guest’s there. Check me in.”

The man hesitated, “I’m sorry, ma’am. I have to wait to confirm-“

“How many people named ‘Lasso’ do you think there are in this country?” Y/n whispered in a panic, “He’s right in there, he’s making shitty puns,” her hand bounced against the desk, “Check me in.”

Arguing would have been hard considering Ted was an anomaly in England. The concierge conceded to Y/n’s demand and began the process.

Y/n nervously drummed her fingers against the counter, glancing back to see Will emerging from the bus. Behind him were Isaac, Richard and Jan.

“You’ll be in room #601, ma’am,” the concierge reported and handed her a room key.

Y/n yanked the card out of his palm before he could tell her the bellboy would be happy to take her suitcase. “Thank you.”

She hurried across the lobby to the elevator, praying she could make a getaway without anyone see-

“Hey, Y/n!”

She stopped in her tracks, so close…

Y/n turned around and spotted Ted, hurrying across the lobby as one would after a long drive. She managed a smile and a wave, pressing the elevator’s button repeatedly with her other hand.

“Don’t forget,” Ted called as he made a beeline for the bathrooms. “Team movie, 7:30. I’ll give ya a hint; if you love Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, you ain’t gonna wanna miss this one!”

In three weeks, Y/n had dodged a lot of invitations. A lot. Another declination and she was convinced she’d develop an ulcer.

“Sounds good,” she shouted just as the elevator doors opened. She jumped inside and pressed her floor number before anyone else spot her.

Just before the doors closed, she caught the first of the boys entering the lobby. Just past Sam, Y/n glimpsed the sharp edges of Jamie’s face. Her heart caught in her throat, the mere sight of him was enough to startle her.

She wondered how long she could pretend everything was fine before she proved herself wrong.

—————————

Y/n hid in her room the rest of the day. She didn’t dare leave to get ice or see the city, sure that with her luck, she’d run into someone the second she stepped out.

Half-way through the afternoon, a knock at the door surprised her. She peeked through the peephole to see Keeley. Out of anyone, she was the one that Y/n couldn’t totally avoid.

The door swung open and Y/n put on a smile, “Hey.”

“Hi,” Keeley greeted, “You beat us here.”

“Yeah,” Y/n chuckled, “Trust me, I’d have rather gotten the sleep.”

“Right,” Keeley chortled, “Can I come in?”

Y/n opened the door wider and allowed it. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to steal your pillow chocolates,” her boss cheekily smirked but didn’t move to grab the candy.“And…to ask if you might reconsider talking to Jamie?”

“Keeley,” Y/n sighed in frustration, rubbing at her face, “I told you-“

“I know,” Keeley held up her hands, “But I just talked to him and…he’s really in his head. It’s bad, Y/n. I’ve never seen him like this.”

While she could pretend all she wanted that Jamie meant little to her, Y/n was growing more and more worried. Every one of his dreams were coming true, and the ones that hadn’t were on the horizon. He should have been on top of the world and instead, he was spiraling. She wanted nothing more than to bang on his door, wrap him in her arms and fix it all. Put him back together until he was his glorious self.

“Look,” Y/n pushed on one of her eyes, “Keeley, whatever you think I’m capable of doing for Jamie, I’m not. I’m not a footballer, I’m not his coach, I’m not his girlfriend,” she found the last words uncomfortably difficult to get out, “I’m half his publicity team. That’s it.”

“You’re more than that,” Keeley replied, she had the kindest way of arguing. “You two have been glued to each other’s sides since you got to Richmond. Jamie trusts you. If you just talk to him-“

Y/n pressed her hands against her lips as Keeley spoke. The panic was beginning to swirl inside her again.

“Keeley,” she cut her off and enunciated her words, “I can’t help him.”

After a whole season of working together, Keeley could easily tell when Y/n was lying, both to others and herself. She didn’t need to know what her and Jamie meant to one another, all that mattered was they did. If Y/n wasn’t ready to acknowledge it, there wasn’t anything Keeley could do.

“Okay,” she replied, once again resigned in her failed quest, “I’ll leave you be.”

Y/n didn’t move as Keeley’s furry jacket brushed past her, shutting her eyes to hide the tears. Only when she was alone once more did she let them streak her cheeks. Somewhere down the hall, Jamie was hurting, and that meant she was hurting as well.

—————————

At exactly 7:30, Y/n made her way down the hotel hall. Different conference rooms lined the walls and she followed their numbers till she found the one Ted had texted her. She slipped through the back door, the lights were dimmed and everyone had already taken their seats. Her version of perfect timing.

From her vantage point, Y/n had a perfect layout of the seating arrangement. The team were gathered in the first few rows. Keeley and Roy were at one end of the back row, with Ted, Beard, Rebecca and Higgins following. Y/n couldn’t help but let her eyes run over the players’ heads, spotting Jamie’s mop of hair in the front row.

After evaluating her options, Y/n chose the safest one at the nearest end of the back row, next to Trent Crimm.

“Just in time,” he whispered as she took the seat beside him.

“Yeah,” she replied, “Got lost.”

Trent nodded, waiting a few seconds before speaking up again, “You know, I’m sure anyone would be happy to switch. In case you wanted to sit with your friends.”

Y/n peered over at Trent, whose eyes gleamed suspiciously with knowledge.

“I’m fine,” she readjusted in her chair to prove the point.

Trent nodded, trying and failing not to smirk, “I’m honored to rank so high on your priority list.”

Y/n’s glance turned into a stare, the former journalist was smiling as if she were made of glass. Were her actions so obvious that even he had noticed?

Trent settled back into his chair, shifting his attention to the opening credits. Y/n did the same and focused just as the main title popped up.

You’ve Got Mail.

She groaned internally, if the universe was out to get her, choosing one of the most romantic comedies of all time was the greatest insult it could hurl.

For an hour and fifty-nine minutes, Y/n squirmed uncomfortably in her chair. She couldn’t go more than thirty seconds without sneaking a peek at Jamie, who hadn’t moved at all since the start. He was a fidgeting mess every waking minute of the day. Something was terribly off.

After Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks kissed in the New York garden and his golden retriever leaped to embrace them, the lights came back on. Y/n distractedly clapped along with the rest of the room, already eyeing her exit.

“All right. Listen up, you big softies,” Ted announced, “10PM, lights out. Then get yourselves some beauty sleep for tomorrow’s big meet-cute with Man City. You hear? Alright, Ephron on three. One, two, three-“

A few people, Beard being the loudest, chanted the filmmaker’s name.

“Lovely to see you again,” Trent said, a tease to his tone, as Y/n got up and out of her seat.

She hesitated, catching his knowing expression once more, and debated saying something. She decided it wasted energy and turned on her heel, making it only two steps before Keeley grabbed hold of her arm.

“Come on,” she ordered, pulling Y/n behind her.

“What?” Y/n asked, “Where the-“

Keeley didn’t answer, tugging her across the room towards the door Roy was holding open.

“Keeley, what-“

“Shh,” Keeley hushed, finally letting go of Y/n’s arm.

Y/n followed alongside her boss and Roy, unsure of where they were leading her. When they got to the lobby and she caught Jamie’s silhouette ahead of them, she came to a halt.

“No.”

“Y/n-“ Keeley began.

“No,” Y/n slashed a hand through the air, “I told you no.”

“Fuck your no,” Roy snapped, “I don’t care what the fuck’s going on wth you two, but your job is to make the club look good,” Roy pointed to Jamie’s fleeting figure, “And he makes us look good. So you’re gonna do your fucking job and you’re gonna help us fucking fix this.”

Y/n chuckled with deep annoyance, “You know what? Fuck you, Kent. I’m not one of your footballers you can boss around any time you’re in a shit mood,” she stuck a finger out at Roy, “You don’t get to tell me what to do.”

“Oi!” Keeley exclaimed, her heels slapping against the floor as she marched back, “Both of you, stop it. Come on!”

Roy and Y/n broke their stare, Jamie was rounding the corner and heading out the hotel’s doors. Sparing each other one more hardened glare, they followed Keeley.

The three of them exited the hotel, Keeley spotting Jamie passing the Richmond bus, and they traced his path. Against all she told herself, Y/n went on her own free will, chasing him through the Manchester evening.

Keeley’s stalking technique involved scurrying behind cars and lampposts, while Y/n clung to building walls. Ever the least subtle of any group, Roy simply walked the street, not using much caution to mask his presence.

They followed Jamie through neighborhoods and into the inner part of the city. They crossed bridges, climbed stairs and finally ended up on one side of a florescent lit tunnel. On their descent down the steps, they lost sight of him.

“The fuck is he?” Roy asked.

“I don’t know,” Keeley answered, “You’ve lost him.”

Roy glanced around them, “You said he went down here.”

“I did not,” Keeley argued, “You said that.”

“No, I said he’s in a tunnel,” Roy corrected as the three of them marched down the way, “I didn’t say he was in this tunnel. She’s the one who thought it was this one.”

“He did come down this one,” Y/n said sternly.

“Well, there’s no other tunnel, is there?” Keeley reprimanded them, “I don’t believe it. You’ve lost Jamie Tartt.”

“We didn’t lose him,” Y/n argued, silently worried. The second she’d lost eyes on Jamie was the second their surroundings suddenly became unsettling.

“You can’t lose Jamie Tartt,” Roy replied.

“Well, you have,” Keeley fired back.

“OI!”

Roy, Keeley and Y/n jumped at the exclaim, spinning around and shouting various expletives.

“Fucking hell!”

“What the fuck?!”

Jamie stood, hood over his head and hands in his pockets. “Why are you following me?”

“Just wanted to make sure you’re okay, you prick,” Roy spoke kind words with contrasting anger.

“What’s going on, Jamie?” Keeley asked, “Are you buying drugs?”

Jamie’s confused stare turned to Y/n, he locked up. The three weeks of not seeing her made her sudden presence feel like a hallucination.

Any face Y/n had been wearing dropped the second her eyes met Jamie’s. This was the closest they’d been since that night outside her apartment.

They came back to themselves quickly, hiding whatever they were feeling for the sake of Keeley and Roy being present.

Jamie nodded towards the path ahead of them, “Come on.”

Roy, Keeley and Y/n followed without question as Jamie guided them through the tunnel. It led up to a crowded neighborhood, a council estate that looked like it had seen better days.

Y/n made an effort to follow Roy, keeping as much distance as she could between her and Jamie. Her presence would probably mess with his head even more so than her absence might have. She was starting to wonder if the choice to come had been a selfish one.

They passed a group of kids kicking a football against a brick wall.

“Oi,” one of them called, “Are you Jamie Tartt?”

Jamie pushed back his hood, “Yeah.”

“More like Jamie Fart,” the youngest taunted.

“Screw you, dickhead,” the tallest one shouted, “Prick!”

“Yeah, who are you?”

“City’s gonna fuck you up tomorrow!”

Through the haranguing of insults, Jamie smiled, glancing over to Keeley, and sneaking one at Y/n. He led them away towards the row of houses.

Roy stuck around, turning to stare down the kids, who’d gone dead silent. Y/n readied herself to drag Roy away kicking and screaming from unloading on them.

Instead, he held up his hands in an ‘ok’ sign, “Good lads.”

While the kids were clearly thrilled at having been complimented by the Roy Kent, Y/n slapped his arm as hard as she could. Roy grasped it and silently protested before Y/n pointed to where Jamie and Keeley had gone off to.

They arrived on the doorsteps of one of the houses. Jamie rang the doorbell and they waited till a pair of eyes popped through one of the door’s glass bits.

“Hey,” the man exclaimed before opening the door, greeting them with a wide grin, “Jamie!”

“How you doing, Simon?” Jamie smiled and pointed to the group, “This is Keeley, that’s Roy, and that’s Y/n.”

“Come on in, come on in,” Simon waved them into the home.

Jamie entered first, shaking Simon’s hand, “How are you, mate? Good seeing you, man.”

“Yeah, great,” Simon replied as he ushered his guests in.

Keeley, Roy and Y/n all gave various greetings as they crossed the threshold. None of them knew quite where they were.

“Georgie,” Simon called up the stairs, “We’ve got visitors!”

A female voice called back down, “What was that, love? Someone at the door?”

Jamie made a beeline for the bottom of the staircase, just as a woman stopped at the top, frozen by what lay in front of her.

“Hello, Mommy.”

Y/n’s eyes widened.

Georgie screamed as she ran down the steps, leaping into her son’s arms. “Jamie!”

“Mommy, I’d like to introduce you to Keeley,” Jamie turned to face his friends, “And this hairy prick’s Roy,” his smile dropped an imperceptible inch, “And that’s Y/n over there.”

“Hi,” Keeley greeted in her normal bubbly tone.

“Hi,” Y/n managed to eek out, holding up a nervous hand.

“Hey, you,” Roy said smoothly.

“Hi,” Georgie greeted them all while hugging Jamie once more, “It’s lovely to finally meet you all. I’d come and give you a hug,” she squeezed the sides of her son’s face, “But I’m not letting go of this one!”

Jamie lifted his mom into the air and spun her around.

“There they go,” Simon observed, “Right, who wants some sweet treats?”

Simon slipped off deeper into the house while Georgie and Jamie stayed in their embrace.

“Look at your gorgeous face,” she exclaimed as Jamie carried them both down the hallway, “I love it. How have you been? Look at you.”

Run. All of Y/n’s instincts told her to run right back out that door and take her chances with being abducted in the sketchy tunnel. Roy and Keeley must have sensed her unease because Keeley reached back for Y/n’s hand and Roy kept behind her, forcing her inside.

Georgie and Jamie had managed to separate long enough for Jamie to snuggle up against his mom on the living room couch. Keeley, Y/n and Roy stood at the entrance to the room, unsure of where to go.

“Oh, come and sit down,” Georgie gestured to the rest of the room.

Keeley and Roy entered less hesitatingly than Y/n, who took up a seat on the arm of the couch. To say she was uncomfortable was an understatement of epic proportions. Here she’d gone to every effort to avoid Jamie, and she’d ended up in what was clearly his childhood home with his mother.

She glanced over at the shrine to Jamie on the far wall, various pictures of him from different stages of life proudly displayed. Baby pictures all the way to league headshots. Y/n wanted to evaporate into thin air.

Simon popped back into the room with a plate of baked goods, dishing one out to each of his guests as Georgie and Jamie talked.

“It was just poopy,” Jamie quietly vented to his mom, his thick accent changing the word entirely, “You know, it really upset me. This guy on Twitter, he kept saying that it was blonde, but I’m like, ‘It’s fucking walnut mist, mate.’”

Y/n nearly spit out the bite of scone she was chewing. If this whole debacle was about his vanity, she’d march out the door. They’d argued several times over the exact shade of the highlights.

“Yeah, obviously,” Georgie agreed, stroking her son’s hair, “He’s done a lovely job, it’s dead natural.”

Simon finished pouring the tea, looking up expectantly at the party. “What do you think?”

Keeley smiled, “It’s really yummy.”

“Yeah, it’s wonderful,” Y/n managed to find her voice.

Keeley elbowed Roy, who was lost staring at the sight of his former nemesis cuddled up with his mother like a lost child. “It’s fucking delicious,” he said distractedly before returning.

“Well, it’s a Paul Hollywood recipe, but I’ve gone a little bit rogue on it,” Simon explained.

Allowing herself to slip back into a world where Jamie was damn near the center, Y/n wondered who Simon was. He clearly wasn’t Jamie’s biological father, he was the complete antithesis of the man she’d heard horror stories about. Jamie had never mentioned having a step-dad.

“Babes,” Georgie said softly, “Do you wanna give Roy, Keeley and Y/n the grand tour? Show them around a bit?”

“Yes,” Simon agreed, catching the signals his wife was throwing at him. “Good idea. Thank—“ he stood and hit his head on the overhead light, “Oops! Right, follow me. We will start in the kitchen, aka my laboratory.”

Y/n was the first to stand, but fell behind Keeley, making her a buffer. When Roy hesitated to leave, she tugged him harshly out the room.

“Fuckin’ grip you’ve got,” he complained as they walked to the kitchen.

“Oh, bite me,” Y/n retorted. Keeley had good intentions, but she was ready to kick Roy for dragging her into this.

Simon took them on a full tour of the house, showcasing his kitchen and its appliances off as if they were his most prized possessions. All along the walls of the house were pictures of him and Georgie on various trips and holidays. Scattered between them were childhood pictures of Jamie.

Eventually, Simon led them up the stairs and down a short hall. “And here is the main attraction,” he announced, opening a door and flipping on a light, “Jamie’s room.”

“Oh, sweet Lord,” Y/n muttered under her breath. This was way too deep in.

The room seemed untouched since the day Jamie had left it. Both childhood toys and teen paraphernalia were stacked on shelves and dressers. The bedding had a football pattern to it and there were various trophies for the sport nearby. On the walls, there were school certificates and diplomas and-

“Fucking hell.”

Y/n turned to see a poster of Roy, sporting a Chelsea kit and a very shaggy haircut tacked to Jamie’s wall.

“Ah, yes,” Simon looked to the footballer, “Many posters have come and gone over the years. Henry, Gerrard, Ronaldo…but Roy Kent, always remains.”

Y/n slapped a hand over her mouth and snorted, ignoring the daggers Roy was sending her way.

An phone alarm went off and Simon pulled the device out of his pocket. “Oh! Meat pies are done,” he said, “Excuse me.”

As he shut the door, another poster was revealed. This one of Keeley during her more risqué modeling days, holding two footballs against her breasts.

“Fucking hell,” she grunted.

“Yep, no, can’t do it,” Y/n finally found her voice and the doorknob. She wasn’t sure she could spend another second in Jamieland without her head exploding. “Simon!”

Their friendly host had barely made it down one of the stairs, “Yeah?”

“Let me help you with the pies,” Y/n jogged down the hall.

“Oh, no, you go ahead and look around,” he said kindly.

“No, really,” Y/n followed him down the staircase, “You’re kind enough to deal with three strangers barging into your house. It’s the least I can do.”

Simon scoffed lightheartedly as he led them into the kitchen, “No friend of Jamie’s is a stranger in this house,” he slipped on a pair of oven mitts, “Right, if you want to place these on the cooling rack.”

Simon pulled out the tray of pies and set them on the stove. Y/n went about setting them on the racks, wondering if she’d made the better choice. Now, instead of sitting in Jamie’s bedroom, she was cooking with his step-dad.

“So,” Simon spoke as he moved about the kitchen, “I can gather what brought Jamie here, but what made you three tag along?”

“Oh,” Y/n searched for an explanation, “He’s been a bit…off…lately and we were just worried about him.”

“Ah, that makes sense,” he replied, “Coming home’s a big deal, especially in this case.”

Y/n furrowed her brows, “How do you figure?”

“Well, if you were playing against your hometown in your hometown,” Simon wiped his hands on his apron, “Might stir up some feelings.”

Said out in the open, it all sounded so obvious. Of course Jamie was struggling with playing Man City. Not only that, he hadn’t spoken to his dad in ages and it was almost guaranteed the bastard would show up to cheer against his own son.

Y/n sighed, she felt like an idiot.

“Speaking of home,” Simon broke her out of her head, “Your accent doesn’t suggest you’re from around here.”

“No,” Y/n returned to their conversation, “I, uh, moved here for school and never left.”

“Oh, fascinating. What made you stay?”

Y/n shrugged and placed the last of the pies on the cooling rack. “I was just settled and didn’t want to leave.”

“That must’ve been awful for your parents,” Simon said, “When Jamie moved to London, Georgie was devastated, and that’s only a half day’s drive. I can’t imagine a whole ocean’s worth of distance.”

If Y/n thought the night couldn’t get any more uncomfortable, the mention of her parents proved her wrong. Between the location, a vulnerable Jamie in the next room, and her family being brought up, she thought she might burst into tears.

“They’re okay with it,” she answered.

“Gosh,” Simon commented, stood at the island, “That can’t be true.”

“It is,” Y/n replied quickly and spun around, attempting a smile, “But I’ve got a lovely life here.”

“Of course,” he grinned, “Working for a football club’s got to be exciting. Jamie’s mentioned you plenty.”

Y/n wasn’t moving, but she could feel everything inside her stop. “Jamie’s…mentioned me?”

“Loads,” Simon nodded, “He calls round every once in a while. Obviously he keeps busy, but the name Y/n has come up nearly every conversation. I thought I might break into hives when Georgie told me about the Christmas dinner you two cooked.”

Simon began to recount all the memories shared between Jamie and Y/n that he and Georgie had become privy to. It wasn’t just the more notable moments like their chaotic Christmas or helping Y/n move to Richmond, but the little ones too. Sneaking into the stadium for lunch breaks in the seats. Post-match interviews Y/n oversaw and how Jamie would try and make her laugh with his answers. Y/n making Jamie decorate his house because the bareness of it drove her crazy. Jamie showing up on Y/n’s doorstep on her birthday right at midnight. Trying to learn how to cook together after the disastrous Christmas dinner and kind of, almost, sort of succeeding. Picking one another’s songs at team karaoke nights. Conversations in the hallways of Nelson Road. Movies and shows suggested to one another and the reactions that followed.

The whole of Jamie and Y/n’s relationship was played back for her in his parent’s kitchen.

She was speechless.

“I, uh,” she managed, her eyes beginning to glisten, “I didn’t know Jamie talked that much about his friends.”

“His friends?” Simon looked to Y/n before ducking his eyes away when he saw she was serious, “Oh, yes…his friends.”

The small slip was enough to confirm what Y/n already suspected.

“Um,” she said, her throat suddenly thick, “It’s getting late. Would you mimd telling Roy and Keeley I took a cab back to the hotel?”

“Of course,” Simon smiled, “Can I send you home with a pie?”

“Oh, no, that’s alright,” Y/n was already crossing the kitchen, “But thank you so much for the scones. Please tell Georgie thank you for letting us interrupt your night.”

Simon waved her off, “Nonsense. Get back safe.”

Y/n speed walked down the hall, not sparing so much as a glance in the living room’s direction. She threw the front door open and hurried down the way. With shaking hands, she pulled out her phone and ordered an Uber.

Her breath came in quick puffs, the anxiety creating quite a home in her chest. She was on the verge of having the worst anxiety attack of her life, all because she’d come to the conclusion that she was cared for. No, this wasn’t care. This was something else entirely.

Little did she know, the second he’d heard her brush through the hall, Jamie was on high alert. He’d looked up from his mom, jumping to a seated position as the door slammed shut.

“Was that Y/n?” He asked Simon as he passed by the living room.

“Yes, she said she had to get back to the hotel,” Simon answered, grabbing the plate of half eaten scones from the coffee table.

Jamie was up and off the couch in an instant, hurrying down the hall and out the front door. Y/n was stood on the sidewalk, her hand pressed to her chest as if she was on the verge of collapsing.

“Hey.”

Y/n’s head whipped around, Jamie was jogging down the steps to her. He kept a fair bit of distance between them at first, unsure of how she felt about his presence. All she could do was attempt another breath.

“Hey,” Jamie crossed the space, deciding to reach for Y/n’s arms, “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she shook her head and avoided meeting Jamie’s concerned eyes.

“No, what’s wrong?” Jamie’s thumbs stroked over her sweater.

For all her fight, Y/n couldn’t bring herself to battle the warm grip Jamie had on her. She’d missed it.

“I’m fine, Jamie,” she lied once more, “I just want to go back to the hotel.”

Jamie scanned her face, finding the tears in her red eyes before she could hide them. Just as much as there was something wrong with him, there was something eating away at Y/n.

In the three weeks they’d stayed away from one another, Jamie had found life to be unbearable. The anxiety about playing Man City and the possibility of seeing his father once more had manifested in his playing. He’d struggled through training more and more, slowly becoming paralyzed by the lack of his usual fire. Without Y/n there to go and vent all his fears to, someone who understood without him ever having to explain a thing, it had all snowballed. Breaking down in the boot room and sobbing into Roy’s shoulder could have been avoided. His panic attack when Keeley had come to his room to check on him would have never happened.

But it wasn’t just that. Jamie found himself missing Y/n in the dullest of moments. Making dinner for himself, searching for something on television, driving home from work. Sleep was nearly impossible now that he’d gotten to fade out with her in his arms. The vacancy she’d left in his life was overwhelming. Jamie had never wanted to share such insignificant moments with someone in his life. He’d never felt as unsettled without someone.

This wasn’t some infatuation. He couldn’t live without her.

“Look,” Jamie tilted her head up, her eyes finally meeting his, “I know everything’s wrecked a-and we fucked it all up but…” his breath came out trembling, “But I love you.”

Y/n cries began to shake her chest.

“And I know this is the worst fucking time to say it,” Jamie bit back a laugh, but he felt ten tons lighter with the words finally spoken, “But I don’t regret what happened. If I could go back and do it a hundred times over, I would.”

A single cry escaped Y/n.

“And I need you,” Jamie spoke urgently, dragging a hand to Y/n’s cheek, brushing a thumb over the wet skin, “I need you with me ‘cause I don’t know what the fuck I’m doin’ without you. I don’t. You’ve fucking ruined me.”

Y/n was caught somewhere between a frown and a smile. Her worst fear and her greatest wish.

“Don’t leave, please,” Jamie pleaded, slipping his free hand around Y/n’s waist when she didn’t recoil at his touch. “I wanna be with you.”

Y/n’s sobs caused her whole body to shudder, which only made Jamie to pull her closer. She ended up enveloped in his arms, the only place she’d truly desired to be since the moment she’d left them.

Jamie pressed a kiss to Y/n’s forehead, trying to ease whatever pain and pour out his sentiments. The relief of holding her again was all-consuming and he reveled in it.

For a moment, they both realized what they could have. They could put the whole horrid separation behind them and let themselves be happy. They could come home to one another. They could hold nothing back from each other. They could build a life together and give each other all the love they’d ever been deprived of.

Where Jamie felt hope, cradling the girl he loved, Y/n felt panic, fearing the risk more than the loss.

“Jamie,” she whispered, “No.”

Jamie pulled back, fearfully gazing into her bloodshot eyes. “What do you mean?”

“No,” Y/n repeated, “We can’t.”

“Wh-“ he stammered, she was slipping away from him, “What are you talking about? We can.”

Y/n whined, “I can’t, Jamie. I can’t.”

“You can, you can,” Jamie insisted, holding Y/n’s cheek with purpose. He caught the headlights of the Uber coming down his street, “Why? Why can’t we have this?”

“Tell me,” Jamie softly begged, “Tell me why. Why can’t we have this?”

Finally, Y/n’s emotions burst, everything flooding out in a mess of terror.

“Because I don’t want this,” she exclaimed tearfully, “I don’t want this, Jamie. I don’t want y-“

She caught herself before she could finish it, but it was still too late. The damage had been done, and the wreckage spread across Jamie’s face. His lips parted in shock and his touch lost its urgency.

In her blind panic, Y/n hadn’t expected such a lie to come out of her mouth. But there was no taking it back, and the fear of all Jamie was ready to give was possessing her. This was the only way to keep herself safe.

Behind them, the Uber driver had pulled up to the house. “Oi, one of you Y/n?”

Y/n blinked up at Jamie, who was searching her eyes for the dishonesty in what she’d said. He found it so easily, but her determination to run was visibly clearer.

“Please let me go,” Y/n asked, her voice barely audible. She couldn’t even look him in the eyes as she spoke.

Jamie knew there was no more fight to give. He’d poured the contents of his heart out to her fruitlessly. He couldn’t force her to face the truth, that she might love him back, or that she even cared that he loved her. He was out of plays to make, all he could do was let her walk away.

He dropped his hands as slow as he could, savoring the last feel of her he’d get. Y/n trembled as his fingers left her face, committing his touch to her memory. This was the end before they even reached the beginning.

“In or out, love,” the driver interrupted.

Summoning the last of her strength, Y/n sought out Jamie’s eyes, glistening with tears now. She’d dealt the ultimate blow to an already wounded soldier. Slowly, she backed away from him, fighting every urge to run back into his arms and take it all back. If he took one step towards her, she knew she’d do it.

Jamie obeyed her wishes and didn’t move.

With one final gaze, Y/n turned away, climbing into the backseat of the Uber. He didn’t wait to drive, pulling the car away from as soon as she’d shut the door.

Y/n watched Jamie in the rear view mirror before it became too much. She dissolved to silent wracking sobs, caving in on herself. Not only had she walked away from the man she knew she surely loved, but she’d broken his heart doing so. The self-destruction was no longer only affecting her, she was destroying those around her.

Jamie wiped a shaking hand over his face as he watched the car carry Y/n away. He struggled to comprehend all that had just happened. He’d lost her.

Somehow, he carried himself back inside. He shuffled robotically back into the living room. His mum and Simon were seated on the couch, speaking in hushed tones.

Georgie looked expectantly to her son. Jamie had never needed to talk about him and Y/n in so many words. She knew exactly what he felt. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Jamie stared ahead at the carpet.

“Did you talk to her?” Georgie asked, asking something far deeper.

Jamie nodded.

“Does she feel the same?”

There was the true answer, and there was the easy answer. Jamie chose the latter.

“No.”

——————

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[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Slow

Summary: A night out celebrating Miller Contracting finishing their first big contract on time with the next one around the corner, leaves you going home with Joel and Frank, spending a night with both men you would have never dreamed of.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader x Frank Castle

Wordcount: 3,864

Rating: E

Warnings: somewhat established relationships, unspecified age gap, alcohol, smut (oral m receiving, unprotected sex) mmf threesome, everyone is bi here, feelings, a little derogatory language, public fingering, no outbreak AU

A/N: this is something I did not know I needed 26 hours ago. Also only a little edited. This is just for fun. I also fucking hate writing threesomes so if you find mistakes, please don't tell me lol

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„So, come around here often?“ You tried not to roll your eyes, leaning with your side against the bar counter of the shady, yet cozy dive bar your boss had all invited you to to celebrate finishing the first big project on time and landing two new ones. 

You hadn’t worked that long for Miller Contracting Ltd. You hadn’t been living in Austin long in the first place. A shitty break up and a boss who did not know how to keep his hands to himself let you pack your few belongings and visit your best friend almost a year ago. It had been a five day road trip, but it had changed your life. 

Now you had your own apartment, a new car and a new job as…. The girl for well, everything that had to do with numbers at Miller Contracting. 

Your boss did not make a big secret out of his dislike for paperwork in your interview.

Which led you standing in one of your favourite summer dresses, waiting for the guy behind the bar to notice you so you could order the last round for the table. 

You tilted your head to the side, finding Tommy looking at you, his eyebrows wiggling playfully, a silly grin on his lips. Tommy Miller was the younger of the Miller brothers and definitely had a drink (or three) too much already.

„Not sure if your wife likes you flirting with other woman, Miller,“ you grinned and he chuckled. 

„Not flirting. Don’t need to. I have the hottest wife at home. Here to help you,“ he said. 

You smiled, loving how in love he was with his wife, their first baby on the way. 

The bar man finally approached and Tommy ordered another round, water for you, and began to talk to the man about the latest football match. Something you very much were not interested in. 

Taking this as your cue to go you turned away, walking slowly back to the table. It was already getting late, and most of the workers had already left for home. Only Frank and Joel, your boss, were left.

They seemed to be in a deep discussion, leaving you to admire them both as you walked back over to the table. 

Frank had joined the crew not too long ago. Moving from outer state, looking for a job he had shown up at the working site, ready to be put to work. He had politely asked to talk to whoever is in charge after he knocked at the trailer that had been set up at the construction site for you. 

If you appeared… flustered he did not comment on it, talking to Joel who had been in the trailer with you to… talk about the pay checks for the coming week. 

At least that’s what he told everyone the day before the checks were due. 

Yes you did talk about the checks for the first ten minutes. The remaining time, however much he had left, was spend with you bend over your desk and he railing you from behind until you were both more than satisfied. 

You hadn’t been looking for someone. Much less your boss. Not that you thought a man like Joel Miller could be interested in you. 

He was… the manliest man you had ever met, older than you by a couple years. A hardworking Single Dad of a adorable twelve year old named Sarah. 

He was tall, broad, the slightest of silver shining through this dark hair and beard.

Funny enough the first time you slept together was after you both were a little tipsy in just this bar, waking up in his bed with a pleasant soreness you had never felt before, leaving for an awkward breakfast at which you both decided that you had to try this again sober. 

Deciding pretty quickly that you both wanted to continue seeing each other, no strings attached after. 

You, because you were figuring out a way to let you believe a man like Joel Miller could be interested in you (and your body) and Joel because he didn’t know how to let someone in and let them see the real him. The man who was scared to fall in love, to let someone in. 

Even though he already was very much in love with you. 

Not that you would know. 

You smiled at Frank as he looked up, sitting down next to Joel. Not too close, not too far. Even though part of you wanted to lean against his side and play with his hand that was resting on the bench next to you. 

„Whatcha talking about?“ You asked. They both looked at each other, before looking back at you.

„Hockey,“ both said in union and you nodded slowly, suspicious. 

„Doesn’t sound like a lie at all,“ you nodded and they both laughed. You looked at Joel, finding him hiding a smile as he looked at you for a moment before he looked back at Frank. 

Frank brought the bottle of his beer to his lips, taking the last sip, before he leaned back against the bench, watching both you and Joel with a amused smile.

You could admit that Frank was fucking hot. 

There was something dark about him, that made him even more attractive. And yeah when he was at the construction site and was working shirtless you always found a reason to spend a little bit more time outside. 

Something even Joel had noticed, hissing against your ear as he fucked you hard, asking if you wanted Frank instead of him. 

You only realised after that Joel had been jealous, finding him working shirtless only a couple days after, winking at you as he found your eyes.

Tommy stumbled against the table with the drinks. 

„My very beautiful wife is waiting outside for me. Be good. Don’t do something I wouldn’t do,“ he grinned and waved before he turned around and walked towards the door. You shook your head, laughing to yourself. 

„It’s adorable how much he loves his wife,“ you said, grabbing the glass of water and pushing the bottles of beer to Frank and Joel. 

„Never seen him like that ever before,“ Joel admitted.

„It’s a fucking miracle to find your person in this fucked up world,“ Frank said and you nodded. 

„Cheers to that,“ Joel said, raising his bottle, clinking it with his. You raised your glass too, cheering towards Frank, almost jumping in your seat as you felt Joel’s hand come up to rest on your thigh. You turned your head towards him and he clinked his bottle against your glass, giving you a small smirk, before drinking. 

You gulped before taking a sip of water. 

You had switched to water after your second beer, having drive here from home. Sarah was staying with a friend so Joel had invited you to stay the night and you were looking forward to tipsy Joel having his way with you. 

„So how long have you two been fucking?“ You head Frank ask and you chocked on your water, turning your head towards the man sitting across from you. 

He had his arms crossed, long at both you and Joel with an amused smiled. 

Frowning you looked at him, trying to come up with a lie you could tell him when Joel opened his mouth. 

„Better part of a year,“ he said and your mouth parted, shocked.

You two never had the discussion about telling anyone when you both still weren’t sure what this was or could become. Not that anyone ever had noticed until now.

Joel looked at you with a warm smile. He squeezed your thigh and you found yourself smiling back, warmth washing over at his admission. He did not even think about lying and it felt so fucking good to have a man not wanting to hide you like a dirty little secret. 

Even though you had been sneaking around for a year, but this was different. 

„Lucky bastard,“ Frank said and your eyes snapped from Joel to him. 

He laughed at your expression. 

„Don’t look at me like that. You’re fucking beautiful,“ he said, his eyes fixed on you. 

„She is,“ Joel said and you felt hot all of the sudden. His fingers pushed your dress up, his hand slipping between your legs and you bit your lip, your eyes still on Frank. 

„I’ve seen you watching me, girl,“ he said and you parted your lips, your chest rising as your breathing got faster. Joel’s hand kept wandering up your thigh, your legs parting for him unconsciously. 

„I haven’t…“ you began to lie, but Joel clicked his tongue. 

„Don’t lie to him, darlin’,“ he hummed, his hand between your legs pulling you closer towards him and you gasped. 

„Yeah, don’t lie to me darlin’,“ Frank repeated with a small smirk. 

„What… What is happening?“ You asked, lust clouding your mind, your panties wet as Joel fingers finally found their way to them. 

He hummed, his head bending down, his forehead resting against the side of your head. 

„Frank here had an idea to celebrate the good work you do,“ he said. 

„The work I do?“ You asked. 

„You’re the brain, we the muscle baby,“ Joel said and you gasped as his fingers pushed underneath your panties. 

„You… you did not talk about hockey while I went to get drinks,“ you said.

„No,“ Joel said.

„Joel…“ you whispered. 

„Tonight is about making you feel good. However you want,“ Frank said and you looked at him as Joel slowly pushed one of his fingers inside of you. 

You moaned quietly, your eyes slipping closed. 

„You want Frank and me to fuck you, baby?“ Joel hummed against your ear. Your eyes opened, looking at Frank who was looking at you with a raised eyebrow, waiting for your answer. 

You looked at Joel, his fingers slowly fucking into you. 

You wanted to ask him, where this idea came from. If he was certain. If he was really suggesting what you thought he was. As if he could read your mind he leaned close against your ear, whispering a quiet it’s okay. 

Flooded with confidence you turned your head, pressing your lips against his. 

„I’m taking you both home,“ you said, watching both men smirk. 

You were drunk on the power you felt as two of the hottest men you had ever laid eyes on sat on Joel’s bed, looking up at you. 

You had driven to Joel’s place with him in the car with you, Frank following behind. 

On the way Joel assured you that you were in charge to which you told him you didn’t want to be. You wanted them to fucking wreck you.

So he made you repeat the rules. 

Green for keep going. 

Yellow for slow down. 

Red for stop. 

You had never used anything than green with him before, and you did not plan on doing differently today. You trusted Frank. And you trusted Joel to keep you safe, no matter what. 

He told you to strip down for them as soon as you entered the bedroom, which left you here, slowly pushing your dress from your shoulders, swinging your hips with a shy smile as you let the fabric fall to the floor, leaving you in nothing but white laced lingerie you had worn for Joel. 

He had told you he loved you in white a while ago.

„Slower,“ Joel said, his hand palming his cock, still hidden inside his jeans. Your eyes moved from him to Frank you had his bottom lip between his teeth and one hand inside his pants. 

„Think about all the times you watched Frank work in the heat outside. Give him a little show, sweetheart,“ Joel hummed and you shuddered.

You turned away from them, taking a deep breath. You let your hands wander up an down your sides, your fingers playing with the straps of your bra, looking over you shoulder at both of them. 

Slowly up pushed the straps down before you unclasped your bra in the front, turning around, your hands covering your tits.

You found Frank’s eyes as you let your bra slip from your arms, revealing your bare tits to him for the first time. He hummed, his eyes burning as they raked over every inch of naked skin revealed to him. 

You hadn’t noticed Joel taking his cock out, his hand wrapped around his cock, slowly pumping it. 

„Go on,“ Frank nodded, a smile playing on the corner of his lips. 

„I think it would be only be fair if you get rid of some clothes to, Gentlemen,“ you said. 

„That so?“ Joel asked and you nodded. 

He looked at you, amusement in his eyes. 

„You heard the lady, Castle. Show her those abs,“ he said and you couldn’t stop your giggle at seeing Frank roll his eyes. 

Both of them took their shirts off at the same time and you couldn’t help yourself as you walked over, bringing one of your hands up to each of their broad chests. 

You sighed when you felt Joel’s hand hook into your panties, pulling them down your legs as Frank leaned in, kissing your tits.

„How about you get down on those pretty knees and suck Frank’s cock,“ Joel said and you looked down to his cock, biting your lip. He got up from the bed, his fingers tilting your chin up, his lips finding yours in a sloppy kiss.

„Show him how good your mouth is,“ he whispered and you nodded, looking back at Frank who had pulled down his pants in the meantime, his cock hard and leaking against his tummy. 

Slowly you lowered to your knees between his legs. His hand came to cup your cheek as you looked up at him, his thump pushing inside your mouth. You closed your lips around it, flicking your tongue over it. 

He smirked. 

„Imagined those lips around my cock so many times,“ he said, pulling his thumb out. 

„Yeah?“ You asked, your hand carefully wrapping around his cock. 

He hissed, his jaw clenching while he nodded. 

„Let me know if I live up to your Imagination,“ you said, your lips kissing the tip of his cock, humming as you licked your lips, tasting his precum. 

„Fuck me,“ he groaned and you grinned as you parted your lips to suck on the tip of his cock. 

Hallowing your cheeks you slowly took him deeper, humming at his taste. He was a bit thicker than Joel, maybe an inch or so smaller. Relaxing your jaw you took him deeper, bobbing your head slowly as you sucked him off. Your hands resting on his thighs, digging into his skin. 

The noises he made were downright sinful, your pussy clenching around nothing. 

His hand came to rest on the back of your head, his fingers pulling your hair a little. 

„You can fuck her mouth. She loves it,“ Joel said from behind you and you moaned. 

„That so?“ Frank asked and you blinked your eyes, nodding with his cock in your mouth, humming around it. 

You felt Joel’s hand on the back of your neck and you looked up finding him hovering over you. 

„Come on, show him how much of a little cock slut you are,“ he said and you moaned, taking Frank’s cock deeper until your nose hit his pubic hair. 

You looked up at him, keeping him down your throat and he cursed before he began to fuck your mouth. Slowly at first, then getting rougher, the wet slurping of him fucking your mouth filling the room. 

„Fuck. You are good at that,“ he moaned, pulling out of your mouth. You smiled up at him, licking your lips. He got up to stand, pulling you up with him, kissing you hard. You moaned against his lips as you felt Joel on your back, kissing up your shoulder. 

Feeling four hands on you was a strange sensation. Someone was holding your tits in his hands, while other hands squeezed your ass. Frank’s tongue slipped into your mouth and you let yourself relax against Joel’s strong chest. 

„You can fuck her. But don’t cum inside of her,“ Joel hummed against your skin, kissing up your neck. 

You loved when he got a little possessive.

Frank parted from your lips, one of his hands holding your face as he looked at you, dark eyes fixed on yours. Joel’s hand slipped between your legs, his fingers playing with your clit. 

„Want me to fuck you?“ Frank asked. You nodded, pecking his lips. You turned your head to the side, Joel’s lips finding yours before you watched him kiss Frank, your pussy clenched at watching them kiss.

„Get on the bed. On your back. Wanna look at you when I make you cum,“ Frank rasped and you nodded. He took a step back and you got on the bed, flooded with confidence you spread your legs, laughing when he crawled over to you, kissing your lips. You felt the bed dip on your side and then there was Joel. 

His warm body against your side. 

Frank’s hands were on your thighs, pushing them apart as he kissed down your body. His lips closing around your nipple. 

„So fucking perfect. You’re a lucky bastard Miller,“ he said, flicking his tongue over your nipple. 

Instead of answering Joel leaned in and kissed you, humming against your lips. He deepened the kiss, his hand squeezing one of your tits. 

You felt Frank line up between your folds, the head of his cock slipping through your slick.

„She’s fucking soaked,“ he groaned and you sucked Joel’s lip between your lips as he parted from you. 

Frank rolled you to your side, so you were laying with him against your chest, one of his arms pulling you against him, and Joel behind you. You felt Joel’s hand on your stomach, his lips against your shoulder. 

Frank wrapped your leg above his, his cock between your legs.

„Want me to fuck you now?“ Frank asked, kissing you softly. 

„Please,“ you whimpered and he chuckled. 

„I got you,“ he cooed, parting your legs a little wider to make space for him, slowly sinking into your heat. 

You felt every inch of him, letting your head slowly fall back against Joel’s.

„Shit you’re so fucking wet. So warm,“ Frank groaned, slowly fucking into you. 

You moaned, closing your eyes. You felt Joel’s hand play with your tits and you reached behind, wanting to touch him. Opening your eyes you looked down and behind, finding Frank’s hand wrapped around Joel’s cock, slowly pumping his length all while he fucked you. 

„Fuck you’re both so hot,“ you whimpered and they chuckled. 

„You’re fucking breathtaking, baby,“ Joel hummed behind you and you whimpered. 

Frank began to fuck you harder, his thrusts hitting that spot inside of you, that made your whole body shake. 

„Oh, she’s close,“ Joel hummed and you felt his hand sneak between your legs, finding your clit, beginning to circle it. Frank’s hand was now on your hip, moving you against him. 

„Make her cum, Castle,“ Joel snarled. You reached your arm back, your fingers pushing into Joel’s hair, your fingernails scratching over his scalp. He kissed the side of your head, pinched your nipple and with the way Frank was fucking into you it was only seconds before you exploded, your orgasm making you cry out loudly.

„Fuck… Fuck,“ you heard Frank curse before he pulled out of you. Looking down you saw him jerking himself off before ropes of cum hit your stomach. You where still shaking from your orgasm when you felt Joel line himself up behind you and thrust into your still fluttering pussy. 

Your eyes closed, whimpering as Joel fucked into you hard and fast. 

„Always so fucking good for me,“ he groaned behind you and you moaned. Lips were on yours and you opened your eyes to find Frank kissing you. His hand now replacing Joel’s on your clit. 

„You gonna cum for him again?“ Frank rasped. 

„I can’t….“ You whimpered. 

„You can. Cum for me. Cum for me and I’ll fill this little pussy up. Just the way you like it, baby….“ Joel moaned behind you. 

„Fuck,“ you moaned.

Within minutes (or seconds or hours you weren’t sure anymore) you were coming again, clenching Joel’s cock so hard he chocked on a groan, fucking into you a couple more times until he twitched inside of you and filled you with his cum. 

„Oh fuck,“ you felt his forehead rest against the back of your head. 

„Oh fuck indeed,“ Frank said and you looked at him. 

You were a sweaty tangled mess of limbs and you could not remember the last time you felt so… satisfied. 

Still trying to fill your lungs with air you hissed when Joel slowly pulled out of you, feeling his cum dripping out of you. 

Humming, your eyes closed you snuggled into Joel’s chest, his arms around you and Frank hugging you both. 

You opened your eyes when you felt Frank move, giving you a shit eating grin as he slipped down the mattress, his face coming between your legs. You shuddered when you felt his tongue licking your pussy, cleaning you softly, humming like it was the most delicious meal. 

He pressed a kiss on your hip when he was finished, coming up to pull you close, leaning over your head to kiss Joel and then you. 

„That was….“ You began, trying to find words. 

„Should have done that sooner,“ Joel said and you chuckled. 

„Didn’t know that was an option,“ Frank said and you agreed. 

„Whatever my girl wants, she gets,“ Joel said, kissing your shoulder. 

You must have dozed of at some point, waking up cuddled against Joel’s chest, sheets covering your body. 

He was watching you. Joel had cleaned you up when Frank had said goodbye, not without telling him that it was time to get his head our of his ass and make things official with you. 

„Where’s Frank?“ You asked sleepily. 

„Left an hour ago. Told me to let you sleep,“ he whispered. 

You pouted. 

„Feel like I should have thanked him,“ you said and Joel chuckled. 

„You’ll see him next week. Bring him a fruit basked,“ he kissed your forehead. And you playfully slapped his chest. 

„Didn’t know you liked men too,“ you smiled. 

„What can I say? I’m full of surprises,“ he teased.

„Yes, yes you are,“ you sighed, kissing his chest. 

„Everything okay between us?“ You asked, half asleep. 

„Better than okay,“ he whispered just before you drifted back to sleep. 

A week later you were sitting at your desk in the trailer when the door opened and Joel walked in. He locked the door behind him and you grinned as he walked over. 

„Wanna have dinner with me tonight?“ He asked, as he walked over to you. 

„Like a date?“

„Like a date,“ he nodded, his hands coming to rest on your desk as he leaned towards you. 

„I’d like that,“ you whispered. 

„Great,“ he hummed, leaning down to kiss you softly. 

[taeyegu]

introduce me a good person — 014. the light

previous // next

word count — 839

warning(s) — wonwoo fainting lmao

by the time y/n finally arrived to wonwoo's office (thirty-five minutes late by the way), she finds wonwoo curled up into a shivering ball on his couch in front of his desk.

"wonwoo?" y/n's soft voice startled wonwoo and despite his messy appearance from almost having a mental breakdown at the thought of y/n ditching him, he got up to allow his friend in and to shut the door of his office.

"y/n, h-how are you?" wonwoo wanted the ground to swallow him up... it's been almost a few weeks since you've seen her and the most he can muster up is 'how are you'?

he was grateful to see her smile, "well i just got out of a five hour surgery if that gives you a hint." she giggled, "and by the way, i'm sorry for keeping you waiting, i wanted to freshen up a little bit before i saw you." the softness in her voice almost made wonwoo melt.

"no problem! i was fine!" his awkward smile totally gave everything away but y/n didn't bother to say anything. she was probably just as nervous as he was.

the two friends sat down across from each other. wonwoo took a deep breath to ready himself for this conversation. despite them being friends for a majority of their lives, this was probably one of the hardest conversations wonwoo was about to partake in. even his med school interviews cower in the face of wonwoo having to actually talk about his feelings in front of the person he's been in love with since he could remember.

"i'm sorry." the both of them announced at the same time.

"what? why are you apologizing y/n?" wonwoo was puzzled, "i should be apologizing, i was acting stupid this entire time."

"i know!" y/n laughed, "but i was being stupid too and i was basically egging on soonyoung, jun, and jihoon to help me." y/n startled twirling the ends of her hair. it was a habit she had picked up during their med school rotations as a way to help soothe her whenever she was nervous. however since they started their job at svt hospital, she decided to cut her hair shorter to keep herself from fiddling.

"joshua and i are just friends. i don't know whatever plan the three stooges put up but joshua and i are just friends wonwoo."

a huge weight lifted off his shoulders because honestly if this was going to be another unrequited love situation, wonwoo was honestly going to probably move to live at the north pole and wallow away in his sadness.

"oh thank god." he couldn't even hold that comment in, "y/n, i'm not the best at timing but you should know i've been in love with you for as long as i can remember." his deep voice tinted y/n's cheeks pink. "i thought i was always content with just being in your life but when i found out sejun was cheating on you, i couldn't control myself. i know you deserve the best... even if the best isn't with me."

before wonwoo could continue with his speech that he spent the last two days rehearsing in his room, y/n interrupted him.

"wonwoo you are the best for me." it was wonwoo's time to sit there stunned, "i liked you since college but sejun always told me that you only saw me as a friend and i just believed him since you two were friends/roommates--"

"i hated that guy with all my guts y/n, he makes me sick!" wonwoo interjected like a child.

"i realize that now..." a small sigh left y/n. "even though the timing for us is a little off, at least we're here now."

"that's all i could ever ask y/n." wonwoo reached across the coffee table to grab her hands. "but before we continue with anything else, i also wanted to apologize. i was being stupid and irrational. i hurt you and our friends and i'm so sorry."

y/n's soft hands covered his in a reassuring way. "i know i'm emotionally constipated but i'm working on it. i'm bettering myself for myself and hopefully for you too y/n."

"you don't have to better yourself for me wonwoo." y/n's gentle voice comforted him, "i love you just the way you are."

"i know but-- wait what?!"

"hm? did something happen?" y/n questioned, genuinely confused as his reaction.

"y-you just said that you l-love me..." wonwoo barely whispers.

y/n nodded confidently. "yes i did." she smiled, "you said you love me too!"

wonwoo felt his head spinning again. the love of his life knows that he loves her? it's not the end of the world but when did he confess? isn't love too serious right now? oh god why is he seeing the light right now.

and the last thing wonwoo hears is y/n's shocked voice calling out his name as he passes out on his couch.

[hungermakesmonsters]

Catch Me If You Can

Chapter Seven

Plot summary : When your friend interviews for a position at Anvil, you have a chance encounter with Billy Russo. He takes you for coffee and, by the time you’re done, Billy decides he’s anything but done with you.

Pairing : Billy Russo x Reader

Story Rating : R 

Chapter Rating : PG

Warnings : [This is a fic for 18+ only, minors DNI] Billy is a bit of an asshole in this one and briefly restrains reader during an argument. Also he's kind of an entitled douche. Please check the warnings on each chapter if you choose to follow this story. 

Word Count : ~2.8k

A/N : Ok, so this chapter and the next chapter technically happen on Halloween (I know, i'm super late with this, it's just how things panned out when I decided to post a chapter a week) Thanks to everyone still following this and for all the likes, comments and reblogs, y'all are awesome!!

CHAPTER ONE | CHAPTER TWO | CHAPTER THREE | CHAPTER FOUR | CHAPTER FIVE | CHAPTER SIX

Chapter Seven

You should have known that it wouldn’t be that easy to get Billy Russo out of your life, not after the night you’d shared together. 

Six days.

That was all it took before he was trying to pull you back in and you hated that you hadn’t expected it. You’d let yourself hope that your one night had been enough, that he’d managed to get you out of his system and he’d be able to move onto whatever woman caught his eye next.

And, you - you’d been trying to forget all about it, about him. You hated leaving him but you knew it was the right thing to do, your life was too messy and you knew that you’d never recover if you let yourself fall for a man like Billy and he broke your heart. You’d done what was best for the both of you, so it pissed you off that Billy didn’t seem to want to accept that.

And it pissed you off even more that he’d decided to use your job against you - a job that he’d never seemed to judge you for, that he was now using to drag you across the city because he wasn’t prepared to take no for an answer. He’d even had the audacity to pre-pay with a two hundred dollar tip, like he thought he could buy you.

By the time you got to Anvil to collect whatever it was Billy wanted you to courier, you were livid. You made your way through the lobby and up to the top floor and, eventually, found yourself in front of the secretary.

“I’m here to collect a package,” you told her.

“Mr Russo wants to hand you it personally,” she answered in a flat tone, waving her hand towards his door, barely looking up from her computer.

“Of course he does,” you sighed, “look, I’m in a rush, can’t you just get it and bring it out here?”

“That’s above my paygrade.” And something told you that that was all you were going to get from her.

So, you did the only thing that you could do; you took a deep breath and stormed into his office. He was sitting at his desk, a takeout coffee and a half eaten bagel in front of him, and when he saw you, he had the nerve to smile.

“One night, Billy, that was the agreement,” you snapped before the door had even finished closing behind you, “We had one night and now it’s done, over.”

He didn’t answer straight away, instead he buzzed the intercom and told his secretary to go get her lunch, presumably so no one would overhear you screaming at him. And, then he stood, smoothing down his suit jacket as he did, looking every bit the businessman with an offer to pitch.

“I want a new agreement,” he stated calmly, rounding his desk and stepping closer, clearing the distance between you. “Nothing is over.”

“And - what? - you think you can buy me now? You think you can just throw a two-hundred dollar tip at me and I’ll fall into bed with you?” You didn’t even try to hold back the anger and the hurt. “Does it make you feel powerful, dragging the poor little bike messenger across town to your big fancy office? Is the money because you want to fuck me or is that supposed to be payment for the other night?”

“That’s not - I didn’t mean to make you feel that way,” the hint of regret in his voice earned him no mercy from you, “I just wanted to see you, the money was so you couldn’t refuse.”

“I don’t want your money, Billy. And, for the record, when a woman sneaks out on you before you wake up, it’s because she’s done with you and doesn’t want to see you again.” You hadn’t come here with the intention of being needlessly cruel, but you needed to make Billy understand that things between you were finished. “When you care about someone you don’t go out of your way to make them feel cheap - Oh, wait, that’s right, you’re not capable of caring about anyone, are you?”

There was a flicker of hurt on his face but he was quick to recover.

“How long was it?” He asked. “How long had you gone without being fucked before me? Years, I’m guessing. You think you can go back to that after a night in my bed?”

“Who says I’m going back to that?” You answered back, and Billy didn’t like it one bit.

“You think you’re gonna find anyone who can make you feel the way I did?” Billy gave a huff of laughter, shaking his head. Some part of you knew he was right, that nothing would ever be like the night you shared, but you were angry and you weren’t going to let him win.

“Guess I’ll just have to find out,” you shrugged and his gaze darkened. “I suggest you do the same, Billy.”

“You think I haven’t tried?” He admitted angrily, and you felt like you’d just been punched in the stomach.

“What?” Rage and pain coiled inside you. Less than a week and he’d already tried to replace you. How long had it taken to fall into bed with the next one? You hated yourself for even daring to wonder. You wanted this, you wanted him to move on, but you never expected it to hurt so much. “So you dragged me here to tell me how much you want me after you’ve been fucking other women?”

“I didn’t fuck anyone. I couldn’t because of you,” and you could see just how angry that made him. “D’you think I want to feel like this? That I want to be stuck on the one woman in New York who doesn’t want me? Who doesn’t even want to use me? Have you got any idea how fucked up and broken you make me feel?”

There was a painful honesty in his words, something that he clearly saw as a weakness that needed to be overcome.

“You want to talk about feeling fucked up and broken, Billy? I told you from the start that I couldn’t do this, but you pushed and pushed until you got your way.” Your voice broke, betraying your pain, eyes desperately blinking as you tried to fight back tears. “You turned my whole fucking life upside down and now - now you’re telling me you only want me because you can’t fuck anyone else?”

Something in him seemed to break in that moment and whatever anger he’d been feeling washed away. He reached for you, fingers ghosting your cheek before you pulled away.

“Let me -”

“No, Billy. This has to stop, you have to let me move on.”

“No.”

“It’s not your choice to make.”

He took a breath and, for a second, he looked like he was going to relent. But, of course, he didn’t.

“So, that’s it? You’re gonna go fuck some random guy just to try and prove to yourself that you don’t want me as much as I want you?” His sharp tone was quick to return. “You’re gonna let some guy use you just to make a point?”

“If that’s what it takes, I -”

“Bullshit,” he shook his head, “we both know that’s not gonna happen.”

Were you really that predictable, that easy to read? Probably. He’d seen you panic, afterall. No. No. Billy-fucking-Russo didn’t get to dictate what you did or how you felt. You weren’t going to give him that power over you. No one got to have that power over you. Never Again.

Anger had you reaching out, slapping him before shoving him backwards, knocking him off balance. And, after that first stumble, you found yourself lashing out again and again, pushing Billy back across his office, and you didn’t stop until he made you. He took hold of your wrists, stopping you from pushing again.

“Fuck you!” You all but snarled at him as you struggled against his grip.

“That’s exactly what I’m asking you to do, sweetheart,” he answered back, tone matching yours.

“I’ll fuck whoever I want, Billy, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

He gave a sharp tug on your wrists, pulling your body against his.

“I told you before; you’ve got no idea what I’m capable of. I won’t let you” He was right, you didn’t, but you found yourself remembering what Krista told you, that he was dangerous. And you started to think that maybe she was right afterall.

“You can’t stop me.” All the while, trying to pull yourself from his grip.

“Yes I can. You’re mine and I don’t let anyone touch what’s mine, sweetheart.”

“I’m not yours,” and that was when the panic started to set it. You thrashed against his hold on you, lashing out and trying to knee him in the balls. He angled himself away from you, twisting your arms and managing to turn you so your back was pressed against him.

All you could think was that he’d never let you go, that this would be your life now, completely at his mercy. You’d have to leave New York to get away from him, you’d have to uproot your whole life again. He held tight, even as your feet lifted off the ground, kicking out as you struggled, desperate to get away from him.

“Let go!” The tears that you’d been trying to hold back soon started to fall.

“Not until you calm down,” you hated the concern in his voice - he didn’t get to worry about you, not when he was doing this. “You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

“You’re hurting me!” You cried out in a strangled sob.

Billy let go of you suddenly and pulled away from you, realising that he’d fucked up. You took a few steps forward before you dared to turn back to him, and he looked broken, devastated by what he’d done. When you said he was hurting you, you meant in general, you meant the ache he caused in your chest, but Billy was looking at you terrified, like he’d done even more than that. For reasons you didn’t understand, it made your heart ache to see him like that.

“I didn’t -” he tried but there weren’t any words. Billy knew that he’d crossed a line, that he’d really fucked up. “I wasn’t trying to -”

“Just - just stop,” you finally managed, a hand clumsily trying to wipe away your tears.

“I can’t,” barely able to bring himself to look at you, “I don’t know what I did wrong. What was so bad that you can’t even bear to see me again? I don’t know how I fucked this up, you just left me and I don’t know why...”

“I -”

You hated that he was right, that you hadn’t even tried to see any of this from his point of view. This all could have been avoided if you’d done things a little differently; all the times you chose not to remind him it was just for a night, the way you’d slipped out without saying goodbye. How had he felt waking up to find you gone after the amazing night you’d shared? You hadn’t thought about it. Leaving him had been hard enough but, after everything, the least you could have done was leave a note.

What had been on his mind that night when he fell asleep wrapped around you? Had he dared to hope that he could convince you to stay? 

“What did I do?” He asked again. 

Nothing. Your night together had been perfect and it had meant so much to you.

“I thought you had a good time with me.”

“I did, but it was one night, Billy. I left because it was over.” You wanted to at least give him that, to let him know that it wasn’t him.

“It’s not over, not for me.” He dared to take a step forward, and you took a step back. The pain on his face was unbearable and it felt like everything you said only made it worse.

“It’s not a discussion, Billy. I told you this couldn’t go anywhere.” You took a few more steps, not stopping until you were by the door. “Don’t do this again. Just leave me alone. I’m not going to change my mind.”

“Yes you will.” Spoken like there wasn’t a single doubt in his mind.

“Goodbye, Billy.” You shook your head as you pulled the door open, not daring to look back, not daring to say anything else; you needed it to be over, you needed to get away from him. Thankfully, he let you leave without any fuss. But, as you made your way to the elevator and out of the Anvil building, his words kept replaying in your mind, and the more you thought about it, the angrier you got; the fact that he’d tried to move on so quickly while he thought you’d be stuck on him forever, the way he’d dared call you his when he didn’t even know you.

You finally managed to choke back your tears in the elevators and, by the time you were outside, you had your phone in your hand, texting Tammy - she’d mentioned a Halloween night out with some of Anvil’s new recruits and, suddenly, you were very interested in a night on the town. You were going to go out and you were going to prove Billy wrong.

But, you didn’t have anything to wear and that meant borrowing one of Tammy’s old Halloween outfits, all of which came with the prefix sexy. Of course you very quickly ruled out sexy nun, sexy nurse and sexy cop. And that left you with a sexy catwoman costume, consisting of a faux-leather bodysuit, cut a little low at the front, but it had long sleeves and came with a mask, so you could at least hide just how embarrassed you were. You managed to cover yourself up a little more with fishnet tights, a pair of knee high boots and a leather jacket.

At the start of the night Tammy was full of questions, wanting to know what had happened with you and Billy, and if it was going to affect her position at Anvil in any way. She knew that you’d spent the night with him, but that you’d snuck back into the apartment before six am. But, fortunately for you, once other people started showing up at the bar she lost interest in you. 

You started out in a little bar, drinking vodka and Redbull, and shots of tequila every time one was placed in front of you. Over a dozen people turned up, mostly Anvil trainee’s but a few of the office staff who worked with Tammy too. Including Michelle. But, aside from throwing you a shitty look, she stayed away, too distracted by the attention she was getting for her costume; a strapless white bodysuit, shirt cuffs, and bunny ears. It wasn’t long before the phones started coming out and people started taking pictures. You stayed in the background, enjoying your drink until it was time to move on to the club.

Before leaving the bar, you decided to dip into the bathroom, needing a moment to think about what you really wanted. Part of you just wanted to go home; you didn’t want to hook up with some random guy just to prove a point, but what other choice did you have? How else could you get Billy to finally let you go?

“I can’t believe Billy took her to the gala and not you,” the voice sounded vaguely familiar, one of Tammy’s friends. You froze, knowing that they were talking about you.

“He probably just wanted an easy lay,” Michelle. You held your breath, not even daring to move, even though some part of you wanted to storm out of the cubical and confront her. “But, tonight’s the night, I’m going to show Billy Russo just what he’s been missing out on.”

“He’s coming to the club?”

Fuck. 

“Look what I sent him,” you heard shuffling and remained completely silent, trying to figure out what was going on.

“Oh my God, you sent him a thirst trap and he fell for it.” They both laughed, finishing up whatever they’d been doing at the sink, their voices getting further away as they finally left the bathroom.

You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry - after everything he’d told you, all it had taken was a picture of Michelle to have him moving on. Was he doing it to hurt you, you wondered. He knew how it had made you feel seeing him with her in your apartment. But, that was ridiculous. Billy didn’t even know that you were there. And you realised you could turn that to your advantage; if he saw you leave with another man, he’d have to admit that it was over between you...

CHAPTER EIGHT

END NOTES : With this one being a Halloween chapter, I decided to post it a little earlier than usual and will probably post the next part within the next week before we get too close to Christmas (and also because then hopefully the chapters that are set at Christmas will be posted at an appropriate time). Also I'm sorry everyone was so shitty to reader this chapter.

Thanks for reading!!

TAG LIST

@lincerad @sweetserendipity65 @rafaelakelley @slayerofthevampire @rensolodriver @lovelydoveval @doloreschanal @uncontainedsmiles @damagelove

[themanifestingbrat]

I manifested a new job!

But not just any job, this manifestation is pretty much life changing for me as I get to work in my desired city, make lots more money, and also live there for a discount!

✭ How it started✭ Obstacles✭ How I used my Imagination ✭ How it manifested

✭ How it started

So I already was tired of the job I was currently at and I needed a change. I had a difficult manager, annoying clients, and I wanted to move to another city.

I occasionally checked my company's website for new positions and kept my options open for a good month. During this month, I was still deciding between what I wanted but once I figured that out, a new opportunity was posted. It was literally calling my name! It was my desired location and a brand new building. So I immediately told my manager for her approval and applied.

✭ Obstacles

I didn't hear anything for two weeks and in those two weeks, I started feeling anxious because I got a random thought that I would be fired from my current job. It was totally random and it gave me a really bad feeling but instead of fighting it, I decided to flip it and affirm that I got hired at the new job.

After weeks of not hearing anything, I checked back to my work email (that I never use) and saw that they denied me because they couldn't get a hold of me! I almost freaked out but remembered who I was and stayed calm. I reached out to the manager to apologize and ask for a interview and she said YES!

My co-workers, although very supportive, kept putting negative thoughts into my head of how my manager would react to me wanting to transfer because she's so strict and needy. I didn't take it personal and I would affirm to myself that my manager adores me and supports me.

After my first interview with the new manager, she said she would reach out the next day for a second interview with another higher up. I didn't hear back for another two weeks but instead of assuming the worst, I returned to the state of someone who got the second interview scheduled. I even chose a day that she would email me back and when I would have the interview and it manifested in a week!

✭ How I used my Imagination

Now, I didn't do this to get anything or see results, I naturally did it to fulfill myself and also for fun.

I used affirmations here and there. No, I didn't track how long or when I would affirm. If I caught myself falling out of state, I would just shift back and maybe affirm once or a few times until I felt confident.

I imagined before bed of me working at the new job. This is something I naturally did because I love visualizing exciting possibilites before bed (sometims too exciting and I wouldn't fall asleep haha). I imagined what the office would look like, what my new coworkers could look like, what I would wear, etc. I created different scenarios that could happen.

After a few weeks, it did feel natural. I was bragging to my family that I would get the job. I even made a pinterest board of all the new outfits I needed to buy, I chose a new hairstyle and nails, basically thinking from.

✭ How it manifested

Regardless of what the 3D showed, I had the mindset I already had the job, cause "how can I lose if I'm already chose?" lmfao. After basically going through 3 interviews in a span of three months, the new manager called to offer me the position! I also forget to mention I wanted to manifest higher pay and the pay ended up being a few dollars over (hourly) than what I was okay with!

This job offers an opportunity to live onsite at a discount and it's a brand new luxury property! Now I am going to manifest living there at my desired rent, move in date, and all the other stuff that come with getting a new place!

[tangledupinyellow]

Tensions Rise | Joel Miller X Wedding Planner F!Reader

authors note: Part two of Love is in the Air which you can find here! After about a good three weeks of being sick back to back, I am so happy to finally get this one out

summary: You know that seeing Joel is wrong. But after seeing him and Jenna out on a date, you just can’t help but go back for seconds.

warnings/tags: 18+, no use of y/n, no outbreak au, infidelity, age gap (24 and 46), female masturbation, nicknames (sweetheart, baby girl, baby doll), praising, some spanking, fucking on the kitchen counter, unprotected piv, Joel whimpers, creampie, comparisons of reader and Jenna

word count: 4.9k

You stared at the flickering candle set perfectly in the middle of the table, waiting for your date to arrive. It feels like forever since you’ve had a day off or been allowed to spend some time to yourself, so you took advantage of the time you had off the clock to spend some time with someone you could connect with.

You met David a couple of weeks ago and only went out on a few dates with him before in the past. You seemed to get along with him well, so you wanted to keep trying and see where things could go. Also, he served as a good distraction from Joel.

Thankfully, you didn’t have much longer working for Joel and Jenna. Their wedding date was coming up, and you had everything set and planned. All you had to do next was attend their wedding and ensure everything was going according to plan.

Considering everything that had happened with Joel in the past, you were still beyond nervous, but you were determined to keep things professional. But you didn’t know how hard that would be, especially because you could see Joel’s face nearly every time you closed your eyes. Or the fact that every time you would be lying down in your bed late at night and touching yourself, you would envision Joel’s fingers pleasuring you instead of your own. He was like a parasite infecting your mind that you couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard you tried.

Hence, why you were trying to get out and back into the dating scene again. You were hoping that would be a great distraction from the affair you had once with Joel.

While you haven’t slept with him more than once, there was still that undeniable tension between the two of you whenever you would meet up with him and Jenna to discuss their wedding plans. There would be times when he would sneak you glances and winks, stare at your chest or ass for a moment too long, or rub your inner thighs underneath the table whenever Jenna couldn’t see. And while you could, you never stopped him. You weren’t sure if you wanted him to stop, which made you feel guilty about this whole thing.

You were just praying that these dates with David would interfere with whatever thoughts you kept having about Joel.

“Hey, it’s nice to see you again. Thanks for inviting me out.” You heard David’s voice before seeing him sit down across from you.

You gave him an inviting smile and a nod, reaching across the table to shake his hand, “I’m glad you made it.” He gave a firm handshake before you put your hand back down to your side. You cleared your throat and cringed slightly, feeling more like a job interview than an actual date. 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” David chuckled before grabbing one of the menus, opening it up as if he were going to look through it even though he was keeping his eyes over on you the entire time, “I actually wasn’t sure if you wanted to go out again.” He admitted before finally tearing his eyes away from you to look at the menu.

You smiled reassuringly and shook your head before grabbing a menu of your own, “I’ve just been really busy with my job lately. I’ve been working with this one couple for a while, and their wedding is coming up soon, so I’ve been putting a lot of my focus into that.” Technically, that’s the truth. You didn’t need to tell him you’ve been more occupied with the groom than the bride.

“That’s exciting,” David smiled at you with a genuine interest in your job, “I’m sure the couple are very lucky to have you help.”

You sipped on your ice water and nodded slowly, “Yeah, they both told me they feel very lucky to work with me...”

┉┉┉

You thought that the date had been going smoothly so far. It was easy to talk with David, and you felt like you really clicked with him. You weren’t sure if it could progress into anything more like a relationship, but you could see yourself being friends with him if anything.

And the best part about being on this date was that he was an incredible distraction from any thoughts you may have of Joel.

That was, however, until you saw a familiar pair walk in and take a seat over at the booth a couple of tables down from you. You nearly choked on your water when Joel looked in your direction and gave you a cheeky wink. He was lucky that Jenna didn’t notice.

Your eyes widened when you noticed him, unable to take your eyes away. On the other hand, Joel had already turned his attention back over to Jenna, conversing in some small talk with her and the hostess as they sat down at their table with some ice water.

“Everything alright there?” David questioned. You weren’t surprised that he had noticed the shock on your face. You would have believed him if he told you that everyone else in the restaurant had seen it.

“Yeah,” You choked out with a nod, “Yeah, everything’s great. Why’d you ask?” You attempted to play it off with a smile and took another sip of your water, finally tearing your eyes away from Joel to look at David as if your attention had been on him this entire time.

Joel was the last person you expected to see tonight, especially when you were out on a date. It wasn’t as if you weren’t allowed to go on a date. You were your own person, and he was a man that was getting married for fucks sake. Just because you had shared one rather incredible night with him shouldn’t mean anything. But the way that Joel was now staring over at you a few tables over had you thinking otherwise.

The way he was peering over at you through his water glass made you almost feel guilty. Guilty for what, you weren’t sure. Were you feeling guilty about sleeping with a man when you knew he was engaged? Or were you feeling guilty for going out with someone else after sleeping with said man? Maybe it was even a combination of both, you didn’t know. But you did know that you shouldn’t feel any guilt to begin with.

“See someone you know?” David’s voice peeped up again, taking you away from your overthinking thoughts.

You cleared your throat and let out a sigh before sipping your water, nodding out of habit before shaking your head quickly, trying to backtrack yourself once you processed what he had just asked, “Yeah, no,” You answered him embarrassingly quickly, “Thought I saw someone I knew, but it was just someone who looked like them.” You laughed nervously before mentally cursing yourself. You couldn’t understand for the life of you why you were feeling this way just because you saw Joel. It wasn’t like you were doing anything wrong at that moment, so why did it feel like you were?

David furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at you for a moment, almost as if he was unconvinced, before nodding his head, deciding that he was satisfied enough with your answer and was ready to let it go. You were just glad that he wasn’t pushing on with any more questions.

As the night drew on, you could not keep stealing glances over at Joel during your date while David was in the middle of telling a story that you weren’t even paying attention to in the first place. All you could seem to focus on were the looks that Joel kept giving you whenever you two would catch each other’s eyes. He would smirk, wink, lick his lower lip, anything he could think of that he knew would drive you mad. 

You were fuming by the end of the night, seeing how he could so easily and subtly give you such flirtatious looks with his fiance sitting right across from him, none the wiser. You hated that it had such an effect on you. Every time he would give you such a look, you could feel a small wet spot growing in your panties. You couldn’t stand the effect that man had on you, a man that you had to keep reminding yourself over and over again that was soon to be married.

By the night’s end, you felt as though you had paid more attention to Joel than your actual date. You weren’t too sure if David would want to go on another date with you after this, after seeing how uninterested you seemed to be in him. And it wasn’t a matter of not being interested in him. He was a lovely guy who treated you well. There just happens to be someone else who has more of your attention.

But as the night came to a close, you weren’t too sure if you would be giving David a call to set up another date.

┉┉┉

You lay in your bedroom later that night, your hand down your panties as you rubbed circles on your clit, picturing Joel’s hand in replacement of yours. You arched your back and leaned your head back onto the pillows, biting down on your lip while your fingers increased their pace, getting yourself closer and closer to your orgasm.

You couldn’t stop thinking about how Joel looked at you through the night. He had to be thinking the same thing that you were. He just had to be. He had to want you just as much as you’ve wanted him. You wanted to feel him inside of you again, wanted to feel every inch of him inside of your cunt. Your fingers were nothing compared to that. But it was the best you had, and right now, you just had to work with what you got. It got the job done.

Maybe just one more night with Joel wouldn’t be too bad. Technically, he was still a single man. He wasn’t married yet. He didn’t have a ring on his finger that tied him down to that commitment quite yet. You still had some more time until he was a married man. 

Your fingers worked their way around your clit, little whimpers and moans escaping your lips as you felt your release coming close, all while imagining Joel on top of you, giving you so much pleasure. However, the little picture of Joel hovering over you and fingering you with his strong fingers was shattered when you heard a text notification from your phone over on your bedside table.

You groaned in frustration when you heard the little annoying ding of the text message. Sitting up on your bed, you removed your fingers and wiped them off with a Kleenex before reaching over to grab your phone. You instantly weren’t in a good mood and were irritated with whoever texted you, not even knowing who it was. You were just annoyed that you weren’t able to bring yourself to finish, and now you probably weren’t going to be able to for the rest of the night just because of this one interruption.

But when you saw the display name pop up on your phone, all of that previous irritation seemed to wash away instantly.

Joel Miller.

You sat up even more and adjusted yourself on your bed, fixing up your hair to look presentable as if he could see you. You would feel embarrassed for acting like this for any other man, but you didn’t care. Joel Miller was the best sex you’ve had in the longest time, and he never left your mind.

You checked the time on the corner right of your phone to see just how late Joel decided to text you. It was a little past 10 p.m., a time when you would assume somebody like Joel would already be fast asleep. But instead, he seemed to be wide awake and texting you. Not like you were complaining.

‘You awake?’

It was a simple text message, one that you already knew the meaning of all too well. It wasn’t the first text you’ve ever received from a man asking if you were up during the later hours of the night. Again, you would have chosen to ignore it if it had been from anyone else. But ignoring Joel was the last thing you wanted to do.

‘Wide awake. What’s up?’

You responded back. And almost instantly, the three little dots appeared below your message. He seemed to be just as eager to text you.

‘Jenna’s out at a friend’s place tonight’

You read over his text, taking a moment to think about what to respond with next. You knew what you wanted to say, but you didn’t want to come off sounding too excited about the offer you knew was bound to be coming soon.

‘How long is she out for?’

You got a message back right away.

‘Not until late.’

You smirked slightly to yourself before responding.

‘So you’re texting me to tell me that you’re lonely all by yourself?’

‘Very. Mind coming over sweetheart?’

As much as you were excited to see him again in such a way, you couldn’t

help but be hesitant once he actually brought it up. You knew that Jenna was a kind woman, and you didn’t want to hurt her. But at the same time, all you were able to think about was how incredible he felt inside of you, how he could fuck you until you felt as though you were unable to walk. Taking a deep breath, you’ve finally made up your conflicting mind.

‘I’ll be there soon.’

┉┉┉

With hesitation, you raised your hand and knocked upon Joel’s door once, and then twice. Your heart was beating in your chest, and there was no sign of it calming down anytime soon. And the longer you waited on his front porch, the worse it got. Your palms were sweating, and your breathing was ragged. You debated with yourself repeatedly if you should just head back to your car and drive home without explanation, leaving Joel wondering if you had ditched him on his offer.

However, before you could decide, the door creaked open to reveal a smirking Joel on the other side.

His button-up tee was unbuttoned at the top, showing off some of his chest hair and a pair of loose and comfortable sweatpants. It was very informal, especially compared to the suit and tie you caught him wearing earlier at the restaurant. But he didn’t look any less attractive. And the way his messy curls fell into his face made you want to tug at his hair in bed while screaming out his name.

Your heart leaped in your chest, and you could feel a wet spot growing in your panties despite knowing for a fact that this was wrong. The first time, you would be able to excuse it for a mistake, but a second time? There wasn’t any way to justify yourself for it this time. 

But maybe it was the idea that you knew this was wrong that made you keep coming back to him. Maybe it was exciting every time, knowing that you were about to sleep with a soon to be married man. Perhaps knowing it’s forbidden and something you can’t have made you want it even more…

“I’m glad you made it,” Joel grinned and opened the front door more to allow you inside, “Haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, baby girl..” He groaned and gently grabbed your hand to help lead you inside, being quick to close the door behind you two.

“You said Jenna was out, right?” You wasted no time while Joel moved his hands down to your hips, leading you backward into his kitchen.

Joel chuckled quietly as the question left your mouth before nodding, “Yes, she’s gone for the night. Said she was goin’ out with some friends of hers and won’t be home until much later, maybe even till’ mornin’. We got time..” He soothed, his warm lips finding your ear lobe, placing gentle kisses and nibbles all around.

You felt your ass hit the kitchen counter. His hands still fit firmly around your waist. A quiet gasp escaped your lips when he scooped you up by your ass, picked you up, and placed you down on the counter. Gently, he pushed your legs apart and positioned himself in between your legs. You watched him intently, not bothering to stop him once to see what else he wanted to do with you.

“So don’t you go worryin’ your pretty little head about Jenna.” Joel whispered, his hot breath hitting against your ear, placing kisses underneath your ear lobe and down your neck.

A satisfied hum left your lips as you leaned your head back, allowing for easier access for him. His hands moved up along your legs, up to your thighs, while his lips and tongue danced around the skin of your neck. You could feel his half-hard cock on the inside of your thigh, pressing in against you.

That only made things much worse for you. The harder he pressed himself against your thigh, the more you could feel your pussy throb for him. And by the way he kept pushing it up your thigh, you could tell it was on purpose. He knew the reaction that he would be getting from you. He longed for that exact reaction. Has been ever since he first touched you.

Joel moved his hand from the inside of your thigh to underneath your shirt, cupping one of your breasts through your bra. He groaned quietly and pulled his lips away from your skin, his hand slithering to your back and unhooking your bra with one quick movement.

“Damn things always get in the way.” He grunted before returning his lips right where they were on your neck.

His hand moved right back into place on your breast, cupping them and massaging them with his large hand gently, “So fuckin’ perfect, just like I remember.” He praised with a groan, squeezing your breast.

A whimper was all you could muster while his hand removed itself from your breast and teasingly down your stomach, all the way down to your upper thighs. Hooking his thumb into your leggings, he pulled them down with ease while a groan escaped his throat.

“Wore a pretty lace thong for me now, did ya?” He smirked, clearly amused that you had seemingly put some thought into this before seeing him tonight. And you didn’t know if you were proud or ashamed of the fact that you had. Maybe it was a mixture of both.

Your silence and flushed cheeks were an answer enough for him, and he slid down your panties along with your leggings, leaving you bare in front of him.

“Such a pretty fucking pussy..” Joel cooed with the lust strong in his voice.

“It’s yours, Joel.” You groaned, leaning your head back, desperate for his fingers to touch you already.

Your words seemed to take Joel by surprise, for his hands kept their place on your thighs while your pussy glistened right in front of him.

His eyebrows raised, and his fingers dug slowly into your skin, the touch gentle yet firm. His eyes never left yours, intrigued by the words that had just left your lips, “What was that, sweetheart?” a smirk twitched in the corner of his lips.

“It’s yours,” You repeat yourself, even though you both know damn well that he heard you the first time loud and clear, “All yours, Joel, only yours.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Joel grunted and quickly tugged down his sweatpants, revealing the fact that he wasn’t even wearing any underwear to begin with. It didn’t surprise you in the slightest.

He grabbed his hard length with his hand and began stroking himself while making direct eye contact with you. The way he was staring straight at you made it feel like it was hard to breathe. Your heart was booming in your chest. He made you feel like you were losing your virginity for a second time with the nerves and excitement he was bringing you.

The thought that he was engaged to Jenna still lingered in the back of your mind, but each time you saw his hand stroke up and down his cock, the thought seemed to get blurrier and blurrier. All you were able to focus on was Joel.

Joel stepped closer to you, repositioning himself back between your thighs before swiping a finger through your folds, “Mm, always so wet for me, aren’t ya baby doll?” He groaned before pulling his finger away and tasting you on his tongue, never breaking eye contact.

You nodded eagerly, “You have no idea how much I think about you, Mr. Miller. Can’t even look at you without getting soaked.” Your words turned him on even more as he quickly hoisted you up from the counter and placed you back on the floor.

“Think about me a lot, huh?” Joel repeated your previous words, “Think about me when you’re touching this pretty lil’ pussy too?” He rubbed his fingers through your folds again, using your wetness as a lubricant while stroking his throbbing hard cock, just yearning to be inside.

His hands gripped down at your hips, leaning you over the counter, giving him a perfect view of your ass.

“All the time. Always wishing it was you touching me instead.” You moaned, pressing your ass further against him.

Joel leaned his head back and groaned, taking in your words as if they were a symphony, “Fuck.. shouldn’t be sayin’ that kind of stuff around me, sweetheart. Gonna make me cum before I even get the chance to get inside this sweet pussy o’yours.” he muttered before giving your ass a quick smack.

You gasped at the contact, one that was quickly followed by a moan.

“Thinking about me when you touch yourself... Such a good girl f’me.” He leaned in to whisper in your ear, his hand now massaging the spot where he had smacked your ass. All at the same time, he was lining himself up with your entrance.

“Just for you.”

Those three simple words are what did it for him. Without as much as a warning, he thrust himself into your wet and needy pussy. He delved inch by inch, keeping a firm grip on your waist while he kept you bent over the kitchen counter in that perfect position for him.

“Jesus.” Joel grunted through a strangled breath, feeling how your pussy enveloped him just right, just like he remembered.

His body hovered over yours as he gradually increased his pace, more so chasing after his own release than yours. But with the way he felt inside of you, you didn’t doubt that he would make you come just like he did the last time, especially since you’ve fantasized about being with him like this again. Just the mere fact that he was fucking you over his kitchen counter was enough to make you finish.

“Think about this pussy all the time,” Joel murmured, “Think about it every time I’m fuckin’ Jenna, wishing it was you underneath me.” He admitted, keeping the steady pace of his thrusts.

His admission made your heart nearly leap out of your chest, but you didn’t stop him. The idea of it all made you wetter. While you were at home daydreaming of Joel’s fingers pleasuring you, he was out doing the same, wishing that he was sleeping with you instead of his own fiance.

“Yeah?” You whimpered out, your tits bouncing with each of his thrusts, “Wish you were fucking me instead of her, don’t you?”

“Every time, baby girl.” Joel confirmed with a strangled moan, reaching one of his hands up to grab your breasts, taking one of them into his large hand, “Think about these tits bouncin’ in my face as you ride me nice n’ slow..” You could feel his cock twitch inside of you as he spoke.

You were aware that this was beyond wrong, and you knew that you should be feeling nothing but guilt right now. But in that very moment, all you could feel was lust for the man that was fucking you from behind, the man who seemed to have such a hold on you for a reason you couldn’t understand why.

He squeezed your breast and moaned at the sensation of it in his hand. The sounds of his moans were more than enough to make your pussy throb. You loved knowing that you were making him feel this good. And you were sure as hell that Jenna didn’t make him moan like he was moaning for you tonight. 

A part of you wondered why he wanted to marry her in the first place if he was having such thoughts, but your own thoughts were mangled while he was fucking you senseless. You didn’t have the patience to think straight.

His hand moved down from your breast to focus on your clit instead, “I want you to come for me, sweetheart. I want you to scream my name, let everyone in this neighborhood know that you’re mine and only mine, just like you told me..” Joel ordered while his fingers rubbed circles on your clit.

You leaned your head forwards and held onto the kitchen counter, your breathing quickening as he worked your pussy and your clit. An ever so familiar feeling washed over you, knowing that you wouldn’t last much longer if he kept going at it like this.

“F-Fuck.. Joel.. mmm..” You whimpered out, struggling to find the words as he fucked into your cunt as if there were no tomorrow. Your mind felt blurry, Joel being the only thing you could focus on.

Joel chuckled through his grunts, trying yet failing to stifle his moans. But every time one of those moans managed to escape his lips, you were sent more and more over the edge, “Gotta be louder than that for them to hear you, sweetheart.” His voice was just as charming as it had always been, but now with that subtle hint of demand laced in.

“Oh, Joel!” You moaned out loudly and purposefully, “I’m yours! All yours!” Your moans grew louder and louder as he kept a fast and steady pace on your clit, each second driving you closer to your release.

“Just like that, sweetheart.” Joel groaned. The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the kitchen, along with both of your moans and whimpers mixed together. Had it been anyone else, you would have been much quieter, considering that there were sleeping neighbors around, but with Joel, that was the last thing on your mind. It was only you and him.

With just a few more thrusts and circles around your clit, you were done for. Loud moans of his name left your lips as you came over his cock, his thrusts quickening up at the same time to try and chase his release.

“Feels incredible having you come around my cock like that, fuck..” Joel let out a whine, the pitch of his voice getting higher as he reached the end of his sentence, keeping his thrusts fast and quick.

Your hair fell in front of your face as you let him work himself up to his finish, pushing your ass in closer towards him, “You feel so good inside of me, Mr. Miller. Wish I could be fucked every night instead of your wife.” you breathed out, your mind still fogged up from the ecstasy. 

And those were the words that seemed to do it for him. And the way your cum felt all around his dick didn’t help one bit. Within a matter of seconds, you could feel his warm cum releasing inside of you, along with the moans and whimpers of your name leaving his lips. Murmurs of how good you felt and how much better you were than his wife mixed in with his words.

With a stammered moan, Joel rested his sweaty forehead on your back, keeping his hands on your hips as he filled you with his release. 

“Can’t get enough of you, sweetheart..” Joel murmured quietly and placed small yet messy kisses on your back.

You took a moment to try and catch your breath before slowly looking over your shoulder to look at Joel, who had moved his head away at your movements. The guilt hit you immediately in your chest as you stared at him momentarily before stepping away to pull your panties and leggings back up.

You knew what had to be done and that it needed to be done sooner than later. But seeing him like this made you want to procrastinate even more than you already were.

You slowly turned around to face him, your legs trembling slightly. Joel kept his hands on your waist and his eyes directly on you. You just needed to rip off the bandaid with him.

“We really can’t be doing this anymore, Joel.” You told him flat out, hoping that he wouldn’t start with any follow-up questions or statements and would just agree with you and leave it at that.

Joel stayed silent as he kept his eyes on you and raised an eyebrow, almost as if he didn’t believe a single word that was leaving your lips.

“I mean it,” You sighed with a shake of your head, “We really can’t be doing this anymore. It isn’t right..” You repeat yourself. He just gave you the same look.

Only now, you couldn’t even tell if you believed your own words or not.

[h00nerz]

who’s that girl!

FIVE / miss piggy impression

prev | masterlist | next

warnings: profanity

word count: 1.3k words

AS MUCH AS YOU HAD TRIED TO PLAY OFF YOUR NERVES, you had to admit to yourself that you were nervous as could be about meeting your potential roommates. It hadn’t fully dawned on you until just then that you were really considering living with three dudes. Three dudes who were basically strangers. You were really beginning to regret not letting Yunjin or Chaewon come with you.

With a deep breath, you finally lifted your fist to knock on the door, saying one last mental prayer that you weren’t about to get murdered. There was shuffling on the other side of the door as you stood, tapping your finger against your thigh in an attempt to control your buzzing nerves. And finally, the door opened, revealing a tall, black haired man huffing like he’d just ran a marathon.

“Hi. You must be Y/N.” He greeted with a charming smile, holding out his hand for you to shake. You stared blankly at him, reluctantly reaching out to shake his hand. “I’m Yeonjun. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“No, stop!” A voice called out behind him, then the door was fully swung open to reveal two other men behind him. One of them began to drag him away from you, while the other watched awkwardly. He was somehow even taller than Yeonjun, making you feel like a child standing next to him.

The two continued to wrestle while you and the giant watched, and you began to fear for your safety. “Oh, you can come in.” The giant suddenly spoke up, stepping out of the way so you had full access to the apartment.

Once you stepped inside, you were able to get a good view of the place. It had a lot more space than you had previously imagined, and also a lot cleaner. You wondered if one of them had a girlfriend who regularly came over, that was the only way a place where four guys were living would stay so clean.

“Hey, take off your shoes!” Yeonjun called out, finally getting the other guy off of him and straightening up. “Please.” He smiled, and out of fear for your life, you quickly obliged him. Out of the corner of your eye, you glanced up at the boy Yeonjun had ben wrestling, who was watching you with curious eyes.

Finally, your shoes were off, and the wrestling had stopped. Now, the room was uncomfortably silent as the three of them stared at you, so you decided to clear your throat and break the ice. “Hi. I’m Y/N.” You introduced yourself, smiling weakly at them. “Uh, is Taehyun not here?”

“No.” The boy with shaggy hair was quick to answer, frowning at his own response. “Had some kind of ‘gym emergency’? Sounds made up, if you ask me.” He rolled his eyes, and you nodded slowly.

“It’s okay, we’re the ones you might end up living with, anyway, come sit.” The tallest motioned for you to follow him over towards the living area, and the other two tagged behind. You opted to sit in the chair while they piled onto the couch, which made the whole thing feel like some kind of job interview. “I don’t know if I mentioned it yet, but I’m Soobin, that’s Beomgyu, and Yeonjun already introduced himself.”

“Right… Soobin, Beomgyu, and Yeonjun…” You muttered, hoping to make the names stick in your brain. Your gaze jumped around between the three of them, attempting to match their names to their faces.

“Why don’t you tell us about yourself, Y/N?” Beomgyu asked, and he put an emphasis on your name that almost made it sound like he was mocking you. Oh no, you really hoped you hadn’t already made him hate you.

“Um, well, I’m 22. I just graduated college, and I have a degree in education…” You began, then paused, trying to think of what to say next. And then you really regretted what you chose to say next.

“Oh, I just went to New York last week! But then I decided to cut my trip off early to surprise my boyfriend, and—you know in horror films, when a character is about to go into a room, and you’re like, ‘no! Don’t go in there, you’re going to die!’? Yeah, it was kind of like that. Except I wasn’t murdered, I just found my boyfriend of, like, almost a year cheating on me. We were living together! Which meant, obviously, I couldn’t live there anymore. And that’s how I ended up here.”

Yeah, that was definitely the wrong thing to say.

There three of them blinked back at you, eyes widened in horror. Oh, they probably thought you were insane, now.

“Also, I like to sing to myself a lot. A lot.” You tried to break up the tension, but it didn’t really work.

“Y/N, that is so awful, I am so sorry that happened to you.” Soobin said with a frown, and you tried to give him a reassuring smile to ease the mood.

“You know, I know something that will make you feel better.” Yeonjun said, and almost immediately Beomgyu and Soobin began to protest. Before you even had a chance to process what was happening, he was lifting his shirt up over his head, exposing his bare skin for everyone to see. “You see these?” He asked, gesturing down to his toned abs. “This is the LLY. Ladies Love Yeonjun.”

“What did you just say?!” Beomgyu turned to look at his friend with a horrified expression.

“Jar! Now!” Soobin yelled, and Yeonjun frowned.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes!”

You watched as he got up with an annoyed groan, pulling a dollar bill out of his pocket to stick in a glass jar with a sticky note reading ‘douchebag jar’.

“This place has such good lighting.” You spoke up, trying to deter away from whatever had just happened. “Chenle hated light. It’s hard to say his name.” You lowered your head, thinking back to your ex boyfriend for the nth time that day.

“That’s okay. Beomgyu would know all about that, he just got dumped.” Yeonjun said with a smile, finally pulling his shirt back on.

“What? No. I did not get dumped.” He laughed, then his smile almost immediately faded. “Yeah, I got dumped. She dumped me. But that was, like, six months ago! I’m over it!”

He continued to ramble on, trying to convince everyone (read: himself) that he was moved on from his breakup, and you took the opportunity to get a better look at the loft. It really was a nice place, especially for the price Taehyun had told you. And even though the guys were a bit… Weird, they weren’t too bad.

“Hey, could you guys show me to the bathroom?” You asked, hoping for a place to frantically text your friends free from their presence.

Once you decided you’d done enough hiding in the bathroom, you finally came out to see the three of them standing in the hallway, turning to look at you in surprise like you’d caught them deliberating on something very important.

“So…” You started, crossing your hands in front of you. “I really like this place. I would love to move in.”

“Hang on, hang on.” Beomgyu started waving his hand at you. “I just feel like we still barely know anything about you. We can’t have a stranger moving in here.”

You nodded slowly, understanding his point. “I get it. Um, I really like arts and crafts, I do a lot of sewing. One of my friends, Yunjin, she works at a coffee shop and can get us free coffee if we want. Oh, and Chaewon, she knows all about movies, she could recommend us some good ones. And Sakura, she’s a model—“

“A model?” Yeonjun quickly cut you off, a grin spreading across his lips. “How soon can you move in?”

authors note: omg first written chapter!!! and y/n is moving in woo!!! officially entering roommates era yass!!! i’m so excited to rly get into this smau

tag list: @therealhyunjingf @jakeshands @gfjunnie @wccycc @captivq @sansluvr @luvdokja @squishy-maimon @urfaveuserlana

[iamthenerdqueen]

The Red String of Faith - Chapter XV

Idol!AteezXOCs Soulmates!ot8AteezXOCs OCXOC Slight Social Media AU!

MDNI 18+ ONLY

slight twigger warnings:Polyamory, group of 10, two OC's -feel free to replace one OC with yourself if you'd like- , listen this is an idea me and my best friend had and is something for fun read at own risk, not edited as always, also we are starting to explore themes such as bxb and gxg if thats not for you, this story may not be for you.

Chapter XI, Chapter XII, Chapter XIII, Chapter XIV, Dance Practice, Next

Lia hated the late lonely nights most of all, having a large condo was creepy when there was no one else there. She could only be on stream for so long and then it was too quiet at home. For a house that had ten different people living in it, most of the time they weren’t there. Most of the time she was there by herself. So, LIa had made it a habit to come by at the late-night practices as the comeback drew near.

Hongjoong slid down the wall to sit next to her and gently took her hand in his. On the other side of her, Yeosang was getting comfortable as well. In most practices, they danced until their legs felt like a liquid under them while other nights the brain cell simply leaves the room. Tonight the brain cell must have been with some other kpop group because Yunho was convinced that he was going to perfect a handstand into a split and get the choreographer to let him add it to the dance. San and Wooyoung were cheering him on while Mingi was trying to get it on video. The other four were spread out around the room trying to find the will to keep practicing.

“You and baby need to eat,” Hongjoong was firm with the fact that she should eat three meals a day if he couldn’t convince her to eat four.

“Have you all eaten since lunch? It’s nearly nine?” Hongjoong shook his head confirming what she already knew, no they hadn’t eaten yet.

“Okay then, i’ll eat if we all eat. But no fried chicken or pizza tonight, please,” with Yeosang’s love for chicken and the way that they turned to pizza when they didn’t have the energy to think of what to eat, she had eaten enough of that for a lifetime.

“Should someone go grab Lyra? I think she’s still in Yerim’s office helping her,” Mingi spoke from the other side of the room. Lyra had been there all day and hadn’t come to even peak her head in the entire time they had been practicing that evening.

Yerim was still a thorn in LIa’s side, doing her darndest to take up any spare time Lyra had and making up any excuse to keep Lyra at the company longer than she really needed to be. Like tonight, she requested that Lyra help her with some paperwork and an interview schedule that was coming up. None of these things had anything to do with the job she was hired to do at KQ.

Lia and the boys were getting more off-put with the needy manager and her attachment to their soulmate.

“Okay, listen we haven’t heard from her since the kids left from their session at 4:30, when she let us know that Yerim had asked for help. We’re not having another dinner, even if it’s here in the practice room without her,” the boys could only watch as Lia ranted before making her way out the door and down the hall. They were also less than pleased with the situation, but it was more complicated for them.

The march down the hall wasn’t a long one, but it felt like the halls would never end. If she didn’t know any better, Lia would swear the baby was moving more as if telling her not to go toward the office.

Standing outside the door was nothing short of nerve-wracking, and knocking was worse.

Yerim’s expression when she opened the door was like someone had vomited down her shirt. She looked at Lia like she was the worst thing to ever step in front of her.

“What?,” Yerim always made sure to speak to Lia in Korean as fast as she could get it out of her mouth. It was one of the many things Yerim could do to make any interaction they had awful, especially since the incident a week prior with Jongho. She had only gotten more nasty in her treatment of Lia and more desperate to keep Lyra as close to her as possible.

“Hi, Yerim. I’m just coming to get Lyra for dinner, we thought it would be nice if the entire soul group could eat together tonight,” Lia was just as nasty to the manager at this point. She tried her best to be polite but she wouldn’t take any more of her shit.

“She’s not going anywhere, my Lyra is going to have dinner with me tonight like she should,” Yerim had this crazy look in her eye, like a mad woman.

“Excuse me? Who do you think you are? Lyra! Lyra? Come on, the boys are waiting, we're going to have dinner then go home, we all need to have a talk,” there was some movement from in the room, and a noise that could only be described as rage left Yerim.

She stepped forward pushing Lia back a few steps as she slammed the door to her office shut, blocking Lia’s way to Lyra and vice versa separating the two of them from one another.

It was fast and then there was something sharp in Lia’s abdomen, it didn’t take her looking down to know that it was a knife. Black dots started to form with every blink of her eye, pain coming from all over but her only thought was of her baby. This bitch was trying to hurt her baby.

The black started to take over her vision before she could even get out a cry for help.

“Lia?” A voice was calling out to her, soothing and like home.

“Lia, are you going to get up now? You can’t sleep on the couch like this, not when you just got out of the hospital,” She opened her eyes to see Lyra and Yunho next to her in their home like nothing had ever been wrong. Like she hadn’t just been stabbed by a psycho at their place of work.

She sat straight up on the couch, her hand flying to her stomach to check for a puncture wound and to feel for the baby.

“The baby, oh my god the baby,” the panic in her voice made Yunho and Lyra go into overdrive.

“Lia, what baby? Are you okay, pretty?” Yunho kneeled right next to her and put a hand on her forehead to check for a spike in temperature.

“I was pregnant and got attacked and-,” Lia stopped talking for a second trying to take in everything as she got her wits about herself.

“Lia, you passed out a few nights ago and we went to the hospital, remember? It was a combination of lingering soul sickness because you didn’t finish your meds and in conjunction with the migrain you had put you on your ass,” with Lyra’s words it all came flooding back and her heart sank a little as reality came to hang over her head.

It had all been a dream, the pregnancy and the baby and the attack from Yerim. None of it had happened and a part of her was crushed that the little life she had been growing wasn’t real. A larger part of her, however, was relieved that there was no child because she knew it wasn’t the right time for a baby and all of the complications that come along with a kid.

“I had the craziest dream, I was pregnant and Yerim stabbed me,” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. Half of her thought that maybe she would trigger the time loop and it would put her back in the alternative universe where she was pregnant.

Instead, all she could hear were the laughs that came from Yunho and Lyra.

“The doctor did say you would have some wild dreams, but let's hope no one gets stabbed and no babies until later, " Yunho paused for a second, “Much later.”

She couldn’t help but fall back with her laughs, everything had seemed so real and it was such a long dream. But those good drugs always gave her weird dreams including the one time when she broke her ankle and had a dream about brooms trying to sweep her away but she couldn't run because of her ankle.

The next couple of days were odd, some days she had to remind herself that none of that had happened. She still had the worst feeling in her gut any time someone mentioned Yerim, but it was something she would get over with time. Everyone took this as a bit of a wake-up call, a sign that life changes when more soulmates come into the picture.

“You look tired,” Lia jumped a little, she hadn’t expected the sound of Jongho’s voice.

“How can you tell, my back is to you?” She had been doing some light editing on and off for the day. She wasn’t able to do much but a little bit of screen time wouldn’t hurt her.

“Because I can,” He wasn’t wrong but if she laid in bed doing nothing, she knew that sleep would never come. She needed to be exhausted to get to sleep, she could never relax enough to drift off if she wasn’t dead tired.

“Well, I’m not tired enough. I’ll be done soon and try to lay down,” She was lying, she would work into the early hours of the morning but this would make him feel better so in her mind it was fine. Turning to look at him, Lia gave him a small smile, something to reassure him only to find him not buying her words.

“No, we will go lay down together. I’m tired too and want to cuddle.” There was no argument there especially when he was already walking over to her with full intention to haul her away from the office. It was a good sleep, no witch dreams. It felt like a fresh start, a way to reconnect with this life.

A/N: sorry this is a short one, but I wanted y'all to have more than one update lol. I will be back eventually. until then, be good.

[unlikelyjapan]

s2e4 rewatch notes

I'm a bit tired, please forgive the typos:

At the intro, we get a montage of the permits and files and drills, the sense of urgency - the furiousness of the work and notes begging Carmy for something (that was probably already set on his list in the last episode). I guess I stopped paying attention to the timelines - they're now 7 weeks out with no walls and we haven't really gotten into the meat of the series yet - meaning we don't really see Carmy flake the fuck out until 1 month from opening.

Sugar's "don't tell anyone - this is my problem" bit is so sad, watching her castigate herself for bringing another her/carmy/mikey/donna/their dad into the world. I also hate the way such a heavy moment was turned into such a "womp womp - wall fell" moment, as the situation (and Sugar) deserved a lot more gravitas.

But this is a show through the male lens. Richie feels vindicated that he "guessed it". Carmy doesn't know how to show his concern (and to be fair, she'd probably pummel him if he expressed anything in that moment), but the fact that he still lets his sister shoulder so much of the restaurants burdens alone through the rest of the series shows the level he disassociates from his family (even his only caring/loving family member) at every turn.

Marcus is such a good son - I hope in season 3 we get a (posthumous, I presume) look at who his mother was, what shaped his character, how his brother/father play a role (if any) in his current family dynamic etc.

The Chester + Marcus pairing is a magical talisman that protects the show from a deluge of male-on-male emotional evasion, jousting and toxic co-dependency. I don't care that Chester is about as believable as Claire as a character, mainline that shit into my veins.

I love that Carmy ensured that Marcus would have the identical experience he had when he staged in Copenhagen (as described in Fishes to Mikey) - this is in no way coincidental, he would have had to make plenty of arrangements/requests to Marie for things to play out that way. He wanted Marcus to see Copenhagen through the same magical lens he did, knowing Marcus needed the inspiration and a break from his own version of family strife.

The invisible cat (Coco), the looming presence of Marcus' mom on the viewers minds, and the bike scene are three great examples of things that feel foreboding (like the other shoe is going to drop on Marcus) but never actually amount to anything. Whether existential or hopeful, I like it.

"Do you know how to make Shisho Gelee?" - this is such a gentle test to see how insecure Marcus is in this environment. Passing him the recipe as he's googling was an awesome act of amnesty. It immediately brings out Marcus' curiosity in the next scenes - he's asking all the right questions and looks so joyful when Luca gives him concise answers.

The scenes played out to Otis Redding's "I've Been Loving You Too Long", starting with "You're tired - and you want to be free" playing as Marcus walks home. Temporarily free from the impending death of his mother at home after a long illness. Free from the constraints of the (up until now) low-level jobs Marcus' has held down in kitchens with minimal inspiration and nowhere to go. Free from loneliness? The next cut is Sydney interviewing staff, as if on cue.

The quenelle - the heavy-lovin' part of the song as Marcus' is immersed in his work with Luca, falling in love with the ritualization of his craft. Things in Marcus' life haven't exactly been going right, but this is a place of solace. He follows this up by calling his Mom - professing his love for his craft, as well as for her.

Sidebar: The minty snickers bar is almost a sexual release scene during the ballad. I get why so many folks were led down the road to hell that is Marcus x Luca fanfic, as weird as I think that is (no hate! do you!)

The song ends with the pastry dissection on the boat. This man found love/spiritual release in Copenhagen, just like Carmy. "Mission accomplished, I guess."

Fak saying "Dude! We're best friends, we don't tell secrets!" re: the alliance stuff. So....every dude at The Beef/Bear is his best friend, Sugar is Mommy, and Sydney (and Tina, for that matter) are ????

I feel like Fak may be the thing that continues to insulate The Beef/The Bear as a Berzatto clubhouse for wayward boys at this juncture, but I'm originally from Canada (and thus have been force-fed Matty Matheson a.k.a Fak-Light since the mid-aughts) so there's probably some bias creeping in here.

Luca started as a chef 14 years ago. If he entered the profession and competed against Carmy at the same level/experience as a high-school graduate, that makes him and Carmy in the rough age range of 29-32, adjusting for education sans A-levels in the UK. We can put away that screenrant article and die in peace now.

Mikey was "Really tight, but also really out of his fucking mind, and he wanted to open a bakery". Something something Berzatto parallels.

Luca says "I've got a younger sister, somewhere, yeah" after asking about Marcus' family. Luca's got a case of the family damage, the trouble in school, a past-tense case of the ferocious mopes - all the same watermarks as Carmy. Meanwhile, Marcus was just sharing his mothers prognosis, and speaks of his brother with no ill will (even though he doesn't appear to be in the caretaking position with his mom) - are they foreshadowing that Marcus' doesn't have the damage that makes a truly great/ritualized/masochistic chef in the long run?

Luca's may have learned more lessons in life than Carmy has (in part by being thwarted by Carmy) but the habits borne out of family evasion/searching for something else are so engrained with that backstory. Or maybe Marcus' represents the happier/new way of doing things, breaking the toxic cycle (more thoughts on this down the line).

Luca worked to keep up with Carmy after he came to a place of acceptance that he'd never be the best, and that ended up being enough for him. Maybe a blessing is that Marcus' gets to sidestep the whole toxic cycle and just absorb knowledge (from Luca, from Carmy, from Syd) - he's not in a running position, just like Tina.

But of course, we never worry about Tina - she's too self-possessed. Marcus is emotional and easily influenced, so I have a feeling his narrative could turn on a dime.

Luca says "At a certain stage, it becomes less about skill and more about being open....." In summary:

Marcus - Open, but I fear could easily become closed in the wrong environment/trauma.

Carmy - Closed, doesn't really understand how to open when not hiding behind the guise of the restaurant/Syd/emotional fabrications

Sydney - Wants open, but always closes instinctively for self-protection.

Natalie - Open, with the limited emotional tools she has at her disposal.

Richie - *learning* to open, but that's a long fucking road.

Tina - Open

"It helps to have good people around you, too" - see above. The Bear represents the inherent goodness of people, with familial history run roughshod over it.

Marcus asking "Was It worth it? The time you put in" quickly followed by Luca saying "I dunno....ask me tomorrow"

Isn't this the feeling of fecklessness that almost everyone has with their creative craft being converted to labor? There's been a lot of theories floating around that Carmy doesn't like cooking anymore/never liked cooking - could it just be the long-standing feeling of irrelevance when you've taken a deep-dive into your craft for so long that you can't see the forest (inspiration, caring for people) through the trees (red tape, skill level, trauma etc.)?

The man on the bike could also represent saving someone the way that Marcus can't save his mom - it alleviates some of the feelings of powerlessness, and the exchange of comfort in the hug a reciprocity he can no longer experience with her.

"Are you sure you want to get back on the bike?"

A bad thing happened, but the man feels compelled to keep moving - as Marcus said to Syd in S1 "just keep moving" - there are a bunch of metaphors for just proceeding with the restaurant here.

Syd is literally just being goofy and talking to Marcus like a friend when he first calls - I guess I imagined there being a little more heat/aloofness there on her behalf, but it's giving friend-zone. She wouldn't act so familiar if there was a crush, I don't feel its in her DNA....

Marcus sharing the nightmare about his mom's impending death with Sydney is huge (again, the other shoe dropping) - Sydney tries to give an empathetic response (she's not great at anything with a whiff of mortality to it, but she approaches the topic with optimism) and caps it off with a "ugghh - I miss you man" as a reassuring gesture - he's her friend and a great source of comfort.

He nods quietly, waits a beat, and says "I miss you too" - and you can tell the pregnant pause has let Syd know that there's gravity/consequences to her words. She diffuses with the freeze humor because what the hell else are you going to do once a guy tells you about his dying mom nightmare, you spurt out a casual "I miss you bro" and he responds back tenderly that he misses you too. Unenviable.

"Okay, goodnight dude" - Syd hangs up immediately. Oof. Everyone talks about Syd getting a love interest in season 3 to level the stakes with Carmy, but I want Marcus' to bag a hot expediter or something just so there's a bit of joy in his life without a crazy dramatic subplot ensuing.

The mild smile on Marcus' face is so peaceful when he masters the dessert. It's such a quiet satisfaction you can only get when you create things. What a nice way to end the episode.

Holy crap, this was far too long. If you stuck it out, thank you!

[fuck-customers]

It's almost sad that when I tell my regulars I only make $14.50 an hour at a job where I do professional level graphic design and print work, they all get shocked and say I should be making more (I work at a locally owned print shop, and I love the job for the most part, I just hate how I'm rushed and hate certain clients).

WcDonads employees make more than I do. Gas station employees around here make more than I do. And I honestly feel quite jipped because I was told to go to college. Get a degree. Find a job in the field I go to school for and I'll be set (I'm one of those "zillenials," too young to be a millenial but too old to be gen z). Some people say i should be thankful, $14.50 is a lot, but cost of living where I'm at is at least $20/hr. Granted, my college is completely paid for so I don't have student loans to worry about and I'm happy I have graphic design and photography experience. But when I'm at work and I feel the bald patch from where my hair has been falling out from stress from workload, it makes me feel like I was tricked.

I'm so conflicted. Like I said. I like this job. When things aren't busy it's wonderful. But those are becoming fewer and farther between where stuff has completely reopened from Covid and more people want printing for events and sales.

And I've met wonderful people! And learned about small businesses in my community I would have never known about otherwise! I love getting to make nice designs and print beautiful art every day. One of my current friends I've met copying her artwork for her! My gifts to my family have been photo prints and even signs for my dad's workshop that I've gotten printed at a discount and they're all loved so much. And I don't have to wear a uniform - jeans and a t-shirt of my choice every day!

But I've also been yelled at over small shit like maps not being printed on time, or how the color on a flyer isn't as "vibrant as it is on screen," or told to hurry up on a yard sign that someone decided they needed today rather than next week, or have a someone chew me out because I haven't even had time to print three sheets of mailing labels because I've had to hold the hand of a very picky woman who wants her rental guest book to look "just right" yet can't be assed to learn how to use a computer on her own. I've had packages thrown at me when I've said people need to pay to ship them. People getting mad over $.20 black and white copies and $.49 color copies. People saying they're going to get their business cards from PistaVrint because it's cheaper. People come to us and act like we're tech support - "Why is my computer not opening Wicrosoft Mord?! Why is my email not sending?! Why is my phone doing this?!" Like I don't know! Take it to Bye Best!

My manager hardly gets paid any more than I do and she's been with the business for almost 30 years and drives an hour each day to come to work. I only got bumped to $14.50 after my boss overheard I was interviewing at a college print shop that would have paid me $18 an hour. He couldn't even wage match! And I didn't even get the job.

I don't have funds to move to another location where I could find a better paying job in my field, nor would I want to as my family and community are here.

There is a pillow factory here I never knew about. They're hiring various positions starting at $19 an hour. Evenings and weekends mostly off, only needed to work if they need to fill a very large order. My friend started there this week and while she says she's physically tired, the environment seems nice so far and I'm so burnt out here that I've already asked her if she can get a word in for me to start there. More pay? And way less customer interaction? I could do that! But it sucks that I feel like abandoning what I like to do because of my pay grade and the stress I feel. I wish it was all different.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[farfromrealitypls]

Where there’s desire there’s gonna be a flame

Summary: As if you didn’t doubt yourself enough, JJ had to add his opinion and it completely crushed you. Thankfully the night took a positive turn, blowing all your doubts away.

Warnings: angst, JJ being an asshole, mention of substances, blood maybe, kissing

A/n: Hello:) I really hope you enjoy this one, seems like fluffy Rafe is just our favourite<3 I also wrote a Christmas story already, but I guess November is a little too early. I’ll post it beginning of December :)

He turned around and pulled you into a hug again, nuzzling his face into your neck and taking a deep breath. You ran your hand over his back and gently placed your other hand on the back of his head, trying not to mess up his hair.

You chuckled at his clingy behaviour.

“You got this Rafe. Don’t be nervous”

Rafe had a big job interview out of town and had been stressed about it all week. He was all dressed up, black suit and tie, hair perfectly styled. He looked absolutely handsome.

He took one more deep breath and let go of you.

“You’re right. It’ll be fine” he nodded, licking his lips.

You smiled and placed you hand on his cheek, he grabbed it softly and kissed your palm.

“See you in two days��� he grabbed your face with both hands and pecked your lips. Then he walked off to his truck.

“See ya” you blew him a kiss and he smiled, then drove off.

You’ve been dating Rafe Cameron for about three months now and those were the most beautiful and exciting months of your life. Lots of people didn’t approve of your relationship, especially your friends, but he was everything you could ever wish for and you enjoyed every second with him. He showed sides of him you didn’t even knew existed.

He made your heart beat and your mind feel all dizzy, you were honestly a little terrified of the way you felt for him. It wasn’t like anything you ever felt before.

And you wanted to say those 3 words so bad, wanting to just fully give in to that feeling, but you held back.

You were scared his feelings weren’t as strong as yours. He hasn’t said it either, but you knew he loved you. This wasn’t just a fling, your connection was way to deep.

Sometimes you just wished he could just say it first, the burning love you had for him almost made it unbearable to look at him.

You caught yourself overthinking and decided to drive to the chateau to see your friends. You admitted you didn’t spend as much time with them as before, the only one you saw more often that the others was Sarah, since you were at the Cameron’s a lot. She was the first to find out about you and Rafe, not judging you because you also supported her when she started liking John B. She was being an amazing friend.

When you arrived, all of them were hanging out on the deck, laughing and drinking beer.

“Look who it is. Haven’t seen that face in a while!” you heard Kie saying while she got up to hug you.

“Hey” you smiled.

You went around and gave everyone a hug.

“You look familiar, have we met before?” John b said, fake confused look on his face.

“Shut up” you shoved him gently and pulled him in for a quick hug to.

You sat down in a chair across from JJ who was awfully quiet. He acted a little weird since you started dating Rafe.

“So. How is it going? Enjoying dating the kook prince?” Pope asked.

You saw JJ rolling his eyes.

“Yeah” you said smiling.

“Fine with me. He pretty much ignored us since you started dating” John B added and took a sip of his beer.

“Did he say it yet?” Kie asked with a wide grin, sitting on a table next to you, dangling her feet of it.

“No” you shook your head.

“That’s probably because he’s banging at least 3 other girls behind your back” JJ mumbled and all heads whipped around.

The girls giving him an angry look.

You stared into his soul, angry at his words and absolutely crushed.

“What? We all gonna pretend like I’m not right? Why would he chose you y/n?” He got up and made a few steps towards you, raising his voice.

„What makes you special to him? Because you’re pretty? Rafe Cameron meets a 100 pretty girls. You’re just a placeholder until he gets bored.” he looked at you cold, clenching his jaw.

You couldn’t hold back your tears anymore. His words hurt so bad that you felt like throwing up.

“JJ enough!” Kie yelled and tried to put her hand on your shoulder, but you brushed it off and left.

You started sobbing and got into your car.

He just hit a nerve, bringing up what went through your mind for a long time anyway.

“Y/n!” Sarah shouted after you, giving Kie a concerned look.

“Sarah you say something! He’s your brother. You really think he’s gonna change?” JJ went on and sat back down.

John B and Pope just sat there silent. Not knowing what to do.

Sarah looked at her friends, not sure if she got the right answer.

“I-I don’t know, but-“

“Exactly. I only said it because I care about her. Someone had to” he licked his lips and shifted in his chair.

“No you said it because you’re selfish! You’re jealous because YOU wanted her JJ. And a broken heart sucks, but that was not ok.” Kie yelled and went inside. Sarah followed her.

How could he say that? But what if he was right. JJ made it sound like you’ve been stupid to believe you actually meant something to Rafe. His words kept repeating in your head. You were shaking and you could barely see the road, because of your blurry vision.

“Why would he chose you?” That sentence made you feel sick. But why would he?

You couldn’t think straight and debated what to do.

Like autopilot you started driving to Barry’s for one of two things. His comfort or something to calm your nerves.

You have been friends with Barry ever since he fixed your car when you broke down on the side of the road. You weren’t GENUINE close friends, but he listened to your drama from time to time and always had some weed.

It got dark by the time you arrived at his house and you stumbled out of your car, still sobbing and mind all foggy. You parked a little further away because you didn’t have the attention span to drive your jeep along that small path leading to his house.

You were all over the place and your feet just carried you, you didn’t see that car coming when you crossed the street.

The driver hit the breaks but didn’t come to a full stop. The car hit you and you flew across the concrete. You got up immediately not even fully understanding what just happened. Adrenaline swallowed your pain.

“Oh my goodness are you ok?” The guy leaned out of his window.

“Yeah yeah I’m fine” you rubbed your head and waved him off.

You head his car door open.

“Just go i’m ok” you left, making your way towards Barry’s house.

He got back in and drove off.

You knocked at Barry’s door. No response.

“Barry! It’s me. Please open” no response.

“Are you serious?” You mumbled to yourself while grabbing the spare key from under the doormat.

You opened the door and stepped inside.

“Barry?” the house was empty.

“Fuck” you sank to the floor grabbing your phone.

“Hello?” he picked up his phone.

“Barry where are you?” You asked whining.

“Out of town. Where the fuck are YOU?”

“Your house. Please I need some weed” you started crying again.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Breaking into my house like that. Also I’m all out.”

“Your joking” a sob leaving you

“I just got hit by a car and it hurts. Please Barry.” You begged, tears just rolling down your cheeks.

“What the fuck have you been up to y/n? Hit by a car?” His confusion was not to overhear through the phone.

“Yes. Just tell me where it is” you whined, wiping away some of your tears.

“You deaf? I’m. All. Out.”

“Fuck you Barry” you sobbed, hung up and threw your phone to the floor.

You hugged your knees into your chest and rested your forehead on them. Then you noticed the blood dripping down your shin. You scraped both of your knees when you fell and one started to bruise really bad. When you picked some dirt out of the scrape you saw your elbow bleeding too.

You started sobbing uncontrollably, overwhelmed by everything.

Anger overcame you since you wouldn’t be here like this if JJ just kept his mouth shut. Now you sat on a drug dealer’s floor, hurt and doubting everything.

You heard your phone ring, your head shot up and with a sob you reached for it.

JJ’s name popped up on your screen and you verbally let out a scream, letting your phone fall back to the floor.

It felt like you sat there forever but you just couldn’t calm yourself down, there was no energy left in your body to get up and leave.

Suddenly you heard the door open and your head whipped around and there he was. Tie loosened and hair messy. He rushed over, bent down to you on one knee and grabbed you, pulling your head into his chest.

You were just sobbing into him, taking in his scent and grabbing on to his shirt. You could hear his fastened heartbeat.

Then you pulled away from him to look into his eyes, still sobbing. He looked at you in deep concern, his hands tightly around our upper arms to hold you up.

“Rafe I know I may not be your first choice but-“ were the first words to said to him

He cut you off by taking a hold of your jaw, forcing you to look at him.

“What? Y/n. I left the maybe most important meeting of my life because I got a call that you’re hurt. I drove 30 minutes, thinking about you everything second, hoping you’re ok. You are everything to me. Because when I met you, I felt like I’M someone’s first choice for the first time. And I would chose you. Every. single. time.”

Your heart started racing at his words, with both excitement and pure passion. The previous night just disappeared from your mind and it was just Rafe and you. You lost yourself in his blue eyes.

“Rafe I’m so in love with you” the words just poured out of you and the next second you slung your arms around his neck and crushed your lips on his.

He almost fell back but caught himself, holding on to your waist, squeezing it roughly. He kissed you back immediately, hungry and in a way he never did before. He got up, pulling you with him like you weigh nothing, throwing you on the couch. He pushes your legs open with his knee und positioned himself between them, placing his hands on each side of your head. His touches were almost a little aggressive then he stopped and stared into your eyes. Both heaving and just admiring each other.

“You don’t know how much you fucking mean to me. I love you more than anything in this world”

He bent down closer to you.

“And I would burn this fucking world down for you” he whispered and placed a soft kiss on your neck. He continued to kiss down your neck and you hummed at the feeling.

You grabbed his face and pulled him off your neck to face him. He smiled down at you and it gave you butterflies.

“Can we leave?” you asked softly, just wanting to be cuddled up in his bed with him.

“Yes” he smiled and placed a kiss on your forehead.

He got up and noticed the huge scrape and bruising on your knees and elbow. He grabbed your arm gently to get a better look and then his gaze shifted down to your knee. His jaw clenched and he looked at you frowning.

“Does it hurt a lot?” he asked softly.

“Just the knee” you answered and your voice cracked.

Without hesitation he swept you up bridal style and carried you outside. You held onto his neck and placed a soft kiss on his cheek, he smiled and it made your heart warm up.

He gently sat you in his truck and buckled you up.

He put his hand on your thigh, running his thumb over it and started driving.

“What got you into this baby?” He gave you a quick look.

The nickname made your heart jump.

“JJ said some things” you looked out the window, trying to avoid this conversation.

“Things like what?” He kept asking.

“It’s doesn’t matter anymore” you shook your head and looked down to your hands resting in your lab.

“Matters to me” he replied and kept his eyes on you.

You let out a deep sigh and felt your eyes welding up with tears.

“Alright don’t worry about it y/n. It’s ok. You don’t need to tell me.” He patted your thigh and quickly wiped away the tears that you couldn’t hold.

You nodded and he grabbed your hand and placed a kiss on it. You gave him a soft smile.

Rafe parked the truck, got out and opened your door when you made it to his house.

“I can walk. It doesn’t hurt anymore” you said.

“Are you sure?” He asked, helping you out of the truck.

“Yeah” you said climbing out.

You made your way to the front door, Rafe had his big hand on the small of you back. He opened the door and you both stepped inside.

“Y/n!” Sarah’s voice echoed through the house.

She ran towards you and pulled you into a hug immediately.

“Oh my god. What happened?” She asked with concern written all over her face, looking at your legs and arm.

“Your fucking pouge friend” Rafe spat and tried to pull you away from Sarah.

“Did that happen after the fight?” She asked, looking back and forth between you and Rafe.

You nodded wrapping your arms around yourself.

“Go upstairs ok? I’ll be there in a bit. Grab some clothes and lay down yeah?” Rafe suggested while gently pushing you towards the stairs.

You just sighed and nodded, making your way upstairs into his room.

“What fight?” Rafe asked when you closed the door behind you. Anger filled his body and he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to hear the answer.

“JJ said some stuff about you not really caring about her. Just using her. Doesn’t matter, he was being stupid.” Sarah confessed.

Rafe could feel his blood boiling and he wanted nothing more than to storm out, find JJ and beat the living shit out of him. His eyes darkened and he ran his tongue over the inside of his cheek.

“Rafe-“ Sarah attempted to calm down her brother.

“I love her.” He cut her off, clenching his jaw and not breaking eye contact.

“I know.” She nodded, she could see in his eyes that he meant it.

He nodded back and walked past her without saying another word.

You just stood in his room the whole time, thinking about what happened. The door opened and Rafe walked him.

“Why are you still standing here?” He chuckled.

“I don’t know” you giggled back. His appearance making you feel better immediately.

He picked out a T-shirt for you and you both changed before crawling into bed together. Arms wrapped around each other, leaving no space between your bodies. You rested your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He ran his big soft hands over your back, just enjoying your body on his.

“Rafe?” You whispered.

“Hmm?”

“What makes you chose me?” you pushed yourself up to look at him. His eyes met yours.

“When you’re with me, everything goes quiet… And it’s just you and me. I know I fucked up a lot. But you make me wanna be better.” He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

Tears started forming in your eyes at his answer and you smiled.

“And you’re hot” he broke out in a wide grin.

Your mouth opened in disbelief and you giggled, hiding your face back in his chest.

He chuckled back and gave your butt a squeeze.

Then he gently pulled your head back up so you faced him. Cupping your face and running his thumb over your cheek, just looking at you in awe.

“I love you y/n. More than you would ever know”

“ I love you too Rafe” you whispered back before you nuzzled your face into the croook of his neck, taking in his scent and placing a few soft kisses on his soft skin.

He hummed and smiled at the feeling and started tangling his ringed fingers in your hair, gently playing with it.

You both stayed like this, falling asleep.

There was no doubt anymore, that man loved you.

[mercurygguk]

make you mine; drabble #1

➵ summary; you and jungkook hang out with your shared friend group for the first time as a couple.

pairing; jungkook x f. reader

rating; G

wc; 1.5k

warnings; none, just fluff and very very light angst

a/n; first mym drabble!! just the mym couple being the softest duo ever :( enjoy! (also, this is super unedited so ignore typos lol)

Nervosity is bouncing off you as you approach the café. Your friends are sitting by the window, cozied up on couches and ottomans, talking and laughing. You would’ve been there earlier but you had a job interview that overlapped with the time everyone was meeting up. Jungkook offered to wait so you could arrive together but you had told him to go ahead, not wanting him to wait to see his friends just because of you.

He has insisted but eventually he gave in and went without you.

But now as you stand outside and watch them all through the window, you kind of wish you had accepted his offer. It’s nerve-wracking to go in there by yourself because it’s only been like two weeks since the whole mess between you, Jungkook, and Hyejin – and you’re pretty much convinced that every single member of your shared friend group sees you as the homewrecking hookup since they’re all aware of the history between your best friend and your brand new boyfriend.

You suck in a deep breath and exhale a shaky breath before going inside, entering the warm café. The scent of coffee and cinnamon overwhelms you in an instant as you slowly approach the corner they’re all sitting in. Jungkook is sitting with his back to you and doesn’t see or hear you coming.

“Hey, ____!”

Hyejin is the first one to notice you, the bright smile on her face making it impossible to tell that you and her have had a bit of a tense relationship these past two weeks.

It’s not like you haven’t hung out as you usually do but there’s been this underlying tension in the room every single time and you have yet to ignore it and move on. Even despite the fact that both she and Jungkook have told you several times that it’s all good, that there are no issues between the three of you.

“Hey, everyone,” you greet them as you come to a halt next to the chair Jungkook is seated in. You pull the beanie off your head, leaving your hair slightly messy on top of your head. “I came as soon as I could, sorry.”

You yelp softly as you feel an arm wrap around your waist before you’re pulled down, clumsily plopping onto the lap of your boyfriend. You feel your cheeks heat up as you meet his eyes, lips pulled into your mouth.

“Hey,” he softly says, smiling at you.

His eyes are glinting and just for a split second you forget where you are and who you’re surrounded by, feeling a strong urge to kiss him right then and there – after all, it has been almost 5 hours since you saw him. But when his hands start sliding up and down your jeans-covered thigh, you return to the present and muster up a smile in return.

“Hi,” you squeak, feeling slightly embarrassed by sitting in his lap when everyone around you is looking, watching as you and Jungkook interact. It’s not like you’re embarrassed because of him or anything but the whole idea of being so public with him is making your entire heart beat faster. But before you know it their conversation resumes and you’re no longer the primary focus.

“How’d it go?”

Jungkook’s voice is close to your ear, causing goosebumps to rise upon your skin. Removing your gaze from the rest of the group, you glance at him shortly, a soft sigh leaving you.

“Okay, I think?” You tell him.

You unzip your puffer coat as the heat within the café is starting to affect you. Jungkook helps you out of it before putting it down on a free chair next to him that is already holding his own puffer coat. He returns his attention to you, arms returning to their previous spots; one hand on your thigh and the other around your waist to keep you in place, in his lap.

“I’m not sure, to be honest.”

“I’m sure they loved you,” Jungkook assures you, pulling you closer, “they’d be stupid not to.”

His words bring comfort to your entire body as you finally allow yourself to relax against him, head falling to rest on his shoulder. A handful of butterflies fills your stomach when you feel his lips against your temple.

In the midst of the love and affection from your boyfriend, you catch Hyejin’s gaze from across the table that is placed in the middle of the couches and ottomans. You watch as her eyes roam you and Jungkook, taking in how you’re all snuggled up in a cushioned chair with Jungkook’s hand finding yours. You follow her line of sight, feeling your heart skip a beat as he locks his fingers with yours. When you glance back up at her, you’re half expecting her to frown or glare at you but to your surprise, there’s a smile spreading across her face at the sight.

That alone has you relaxing completely into Jungkook, allowing yourself to enjoy the coziness of sitting in his lap in a café in the middle of November, the scent of cinnamon and pumpkin spice filling the air around you.

Maybe fearing that everyone would see you as the homewrecker wasn’t necessary after all. They all seem to find it pretty natural that Jungkook so mindlessly, automatically had pulled you to sit in his lap, kissing you like he’s done it for years.

“I thought being here together like this would be more awkward,” you whisper to Jungkook as you glance at them all, watching as they talk and laugh, hanging out like they always have.

“Why?” Jungkook asks, a confused expression on his face.

You shrug, “because I’m the homewrecker, you know?”

“Baby, you’re not a homewrecker,” Jungkook chuckles and lets out a soft sigh, his voice merely above a whisper, “they all know I’m crazy about you.”

His words bring a tingle to your stomach as you smile, fingertips running up and down his jawline. Your eyes roam his face, taking in every detail from his big doe eyes that look like pools of dark chocolate, his long lashes and the moles on his face. His pink lips, pouty and very, very kissable. You can’t resist, it’s impossible and the rest of the people in the café fade into nothing as you lean closer.

A smile spreads across Jungkook’s lips as he feels your lips brush his, his heart skipping a beat when you very quietly whisper ‘I love you’ before kissing him, softly.

“Gross!”

The fake gagging sounds coming from Taehyung interrupts the two of you before Jungkook gets the chance to deepen the kiss in the slightest. A soft grin takes over your features as you pull away, turning in Jungkook’s lap to look at Taehyung. Jungkook lets out a defeated sigh, body sinking deeper into the cushioned chair as he mentally swears at his best friend.

“Can you guys not do that in public?” Taehyung asks, looking disgusted with hints of a small yet playful scowl on his face. “Makes me feel super lonely.”

Embarrassment paints your face as Jimin and Hyejin shush him.

“Tae, leave them alone,” Jimin tells his roommate.

Hyejin nods in agreement, “yeah, you know how Jungkook used to be when it comes to dating.”

“Used to be?” You repeat, glancing at Jungkook as the words leave Hyejin’s mouth. He instantly shakes his head, waving a dismissive hand. The expression he flashes you lets you know he’ll tell you later.

“Guys, can we talk about something else that isn’t my love life? Please?”

Hyejin grins as Jimin and Taehyung put their hands up in pretend surrender, shrugging.

“Hey, we’re just happy someone finally managed to change your mind,” Jimin shrugs.

Jungkook needs to explain this entire conversation to you later. You don’t think you’ve ever been this confused before. Okay, that first day at this college was definitely the most confusing and that time Jungkook tried to explain how you relocate a dislocated shoulder. But this current conversation takes the third spot. No doubt about it.

“And it makes me feel lonely-“ Tae mutters.

“Shut up,” Jungkook groans with a smile, dropping his chin to rest on your shoulder, his arms tightening just a tad bit around your waist. “You’re making my girlfriend uncomfortable.”

“I’m- no, I’m good,“ you butt in, ignoring the way Jungkook softly laughs against your shoulder, leaving a kiss there before lifting his head again.

“Listen,” he starts, “I was just waiting for the right girl, alright? I wanted to date but no one caught my interest – no offense, Hyejin.”

The others chuckle as Hyejin shrugs with a smirk and says, “none taken.”

You grin and tighten your hand around Jungkook’s as you look around at your friends. As the conversation moves on to another topic, you find yourself feeling less worried and more happy about life, wondering how you became so lucky to have found someone like Jungkook. And to be a part of a friend group like this – happiness is a big word but you’re coming closer to feeling it fully.