#also i know their circumstances are not good which is an understatement BUT

[giulzart]

Been thinking about these two lately 🫠

Also, let’s hope tumblr doesn’t ban me or something 🤞🏻✨

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Astrid x Lena - Autumn/Fall

I am listening to my fave fall/witchy playlist on spotify, and now I'm thinking about how Astrid might handle Lena discovering her witchy heritage.

It makes most sense to me that somewhere in the crisis era, Lena and Astrid dated but broke up (amicably) and are friendly but no longer together. They keep in touch, but their work keeps them from actually seeing each other post crisis.

Until post finale, when they bump into each other on the streets of Metropolis. Astrid is in town on business, and Lena is there for meetings in relation to her charitable foundation (or maybe finalizing her relinquishing/dissolving LuthorCorp). Except its technically Saturday, so while Astrid is her usual 5-star self, Lena is a little more... basic bitch-- comfy sneakers, cozy sweater, hair loose in its now customary waves. No red lipstick, no pencil skirt, no jimmy choos.

Astrid barely recognizes her, and in fact doesn't until Lena chirps a breathless "Oh! Astrid!"

At which point Astrid blinks, and the image of this pumpkin spice latte drinker resolves into Lena. To say she's surprised is an understatement.

"Lena??" Astrid scans her as she leans into a hug that is absolutely genuine, but turns into concern as she pulls back but doesn't release her grip on her ex-girlfriend's shoulders. "Is everything okay?"

"What? Yeah! Of course it is!" Lena's confusion is mitigated by the joy seeing Astrid after so long. "Better now, though! It's so great to see you!"

Now, Astrid is polite, but she also knows Lena, and cares about her. So she pushes just a little, to get some more information.

"You look... different," she says judiciously.

Only then does it click for Lena. She glances down at herself, then flushes sheepishly. "Oh. Yeah, ah... well. I've had a change in... circumstances?"

Astrid frowns. "Lena, you know you never have to ask for help from me, ever."

"Oh! No-- the money is still there. It's nothing like that." Lena huffs a little awkwardly, knowing how confusing she sounds. In the end, all she can really say is:

"Everything is fine. I promise. Better than fine." She gestures to the relatively uncharacteristic image of herself with a giggle. "This is deliberate, I promise."

Astrid still isn't sure what's going on, but Lena's responses contain no guile, and she's satisfied that, if nothing else, Lena is happy.

"Hey, uhm... would you-- want to catch up?" Lena asks nervously. "Tonight? Only if you have time--"

"I would love to," Astrid cuts her off gracefully, earnestly. She smiles. "I would love to. Ernesto's?"

Lena flashes her a demure smile. "You still remember my favorite..."

"Our favorite," Astrid reminds her. Oh, she knows what she's implying, and she's pleased that Lena doesn't push away from it. If anything, she leans towards it.

"Right. Our favorite." Her gaze heats when it meets Astrid's. "Our usual table then?"

"I shall accept no other," Astrid teases.

Lena giggles. "Okay, good. I'll see you at 7."

Their usual time.

"I look forward to it," Astrid promises.

As they part ways for the afternoon, Astrid can't help but pause and glance at Lena's departing form as it disappears amid the crowded street.

Even aside from the wardrobe change, Lena is different. She's always been confident, but now, it seems less... projected. Less a screen erected as a front and more... true. A settling into her own skin.

She sees that same quiet confidence at the restaurant later that night. Lena has exchanged her doc martens and knitted scarf for a silky gown that makes Astrid's mouth go dry, but it's the softness at her edges that truly catches Astrid's eye.

Where Lena once shone brilliantly, a sun to bright to look at directly, this Lena simply glows, an ember sitting warm and happy on the hearth.

During appetizers Astrid learns that Lena spent the day scouring the city for a book. A very specific book, it would seem. Rare and mysterious, if the way Lena repeatedly seems to stop herself short just before she begins to explain its nature or purpose in any greater detail.

It happens more than once, and beyond the search for the book as well. Certainly enough to pique Astrid's interest.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

Lena's question surprises Astrid. There's no edge to it, no judgement or resentment. Just open curiosity and the warmth of being ready to accept anyone who makes Astrid happy.

"No," Astrid returns truthfully. "I'm not."

Others in her social sphere usually react with sad deprecation-- Astrid is basically a spinster of a divorcee at this point. But Lena's eyes simply warm as her smile deepens.

"Then maybe I should count myself lucky," Lena murmurs, voice as silky as her dress.

Astrid returns the smile, reaching across the table to tangle her fingers with Lena's.

"Perhaps we're both lucky."

But when they head back to Astrid's hotel suite with one thing in mind... Astrid's attention can't help to wonder about the damn book. She should be halfway out of her mind with delirious delight, the way Lena is tracing patterns on Astrid's skin and the way Lena herself sits on Astrid's bare lap in nothing but her lace bra and panties.

But the mystery of their conversation early tugs too insistently at the back of Astrid's mind, and she pulls gently away, lifting her hands to cup Lena's cheeks in her palms.

"Lena, darling... what aren't you telling me?"

Lena freezes, a deer caught in the headlights. She moves rise, but Astrid tugs her back down.

"All night, you've been so enthusiastic, but just before you share the what and the why of what makes you happy, you stop yourself. Why?"

Lena swallows audibly. "I don't know if I have a good answer that won't scare you away."

Astrid scoffs. "Scare me...? Lena-- you are magic to me. You always have been. And if you think anything you can tell me will drive me off, then... you don't know me very well."

Lena tilts her head with a plaintive smile. "I'm afraid it may be the opposite. I'm... different. From the Lena you knew before."

Astrid leans forward to kiss her. The touch is sweet and soft and lingering.

"Then tell me," Astrid urges. "So I can learn to love you all over again."

Lena's nervous smile turns hopeful. Astrid watches the warring thoughts behind her lover's eyes, and sits waiting in the hopes the doubts would quiet enough for her to learn whatever new truths Lena may share.

In the end, she's rewarded with a soft sigh. "Okay," Lena breathes. "Just know that it's complicated, and I'm still figuring it out myself."

"Oh, god," Astrid groans. "Please don't tell me you've been straight all along..."

The comment pops Lena out of her nerves. She barks a laugh, giving Astrid's bare thight a light smack.

"No," Lena chuckles. "Nothing like that. But...."

Astrid nibbles at the hook. "But...?"

Lena smiles.

"It's funny that you mentioned magic."

[zg0nuwa]

Hi I really love ur Dante fics, in just my humble opinion you got his goofy ass character right.

I'm gonna take advantage that ur request is open heehehe can you do Dante x sorcerer reader she's one of the strongest in their generation. I think it's kinda cute Dante with his demon hunting stuff and Reader with her witchy stuff. Couple goals✨ Also she made contract with strong demons to fight for her. Plus she kinda have no mercy if an individual gets on her nerves (I'm taking about making them vomit slugs or disfigured their faces with magic or transform their body into a bug and imprisoned it inside a jar IM GANNA STOP I'VE BEEN WATCHING HARRY POTTER TOO MUCH)

The whole DMC crew is probably relief that reader is on their side and not on the enemies

𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐚 ; “𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧”

thank you so much!! also i'm really sorry it took this long to post it... also if thats not an issue i included a name for a demonic companion of yours

dante sparda x gn!sorcerer!reader

warnings ; reader is reffered to as a witch what could suggest they're female but other than that gender is not mentioned

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ i feel like you two would start on bad terms. this has potential for some good enemies to lovers trope but in a business way. dante has his own demon hunting shtick but one day he gets informed of a rising competition and it's not the best news for someone on a tight budget.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ definitely met you on one of the jobs. probably wasn't even his job but yours. he just couldn't help himself. not everyday you get to hear about another demon hunter in the game.

as you explored deeper into the abandoned werehouse you could feel another demon-like presence. at first it didn't bother you, probably some another wild creature that escaped the limbo of hell. but step after step the air around started to get heavy and warm. something that usually does not happen on the job.

when you enter the next room you find the culprit. a man in a long red jacket, tangled white hair, holding a sword on his shoulders. but wait... the sword... it looks familiar. "what is a sparda son doing here of all places?" you said as you walk in the mans direction.

as on cue the man in quetion turned to you holding up his sword up to your chin. "let's call it... a business meeting. wanted to discuss some things with you sweetheart."

you could clearly hear the mocking undertone of his statement.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ things would only get worse from that point on. he would intrude on your assignments and you would "accidentally" send out your beloved pet (if you could call it that) to rough him up. not actually hurt him but just to give him a challenge.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ he once called you a "witch starting with a b" and even after you two got together you did not forgive him.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ as powerfull as you are you have nothing on dante. which one time resulted in him saving your ass. you wanted to be mad or even just angry about the fact he interrupted your job again but if he really didn't want competition why would he save you? that day brought you more questions than answers.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ you don't know when or where it started but at some point both of you started helping eachother out on jobs. and before you know it. boom. you start working together.

to say the crew was bewildered when dante brought an unfamiliar face through the door would be an understatement. they were suspicious and on guard. the first one to speak up was the tall blonde in black leather attire “who is this.” it was more of a demand than a question.

“this, ladies and gent’s is the new addition to our lovely team. don’t worry they won’t bite. i think.”

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ on the first few assignments nico, lady, trish and nero were all cautious with you. as in they barerly spoke to you no matter the circumstances. they only opened their mouths to give directions on where to go next.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ for some time the only people (not really people but yk) you could confine in were dante and your loyall companion - abaddon*. but they both sent you off with a "give them time." so you did.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ when this time around you saved dante they started to warm up to you and to abaddon.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ok enough of that. let's focus on you and dante now. when he first started to feel something he literally thought you put some kind of love potion or spell on him. obviously you did not but let a man dream ig?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ abaddon would be your wingman from now on. constantly shoving you into dante or putting both of you in compromising positions. one time he even pretended to fall asleep in front of a door and locked you in the dmc van.

"i'm really sorry for him. i don't know what's going on with him recently." you said with your head in your hands while on the verge of a breakdown. this was not the situation you wanted to be in and you expected dante to not be enthusiastic about the ordeal either. to your surprise...

"don't sweat it. i actually don't mind being stuck here with a pretty demon whistler." you don't know what struck your attention more the i don't mind part, the pretty part or the demon whistler part.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ that day a lot of confessions were made. both of you talked about your story of how you ended up in the business and well the confession you never expected.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ two words. power couple. when you work it's like you're reading eachothers mind.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ he had a lot of questions. if you work with demons and he's technically part demon does that mean you could like order him around and stuff? and trust me the questions do not end. every day he comes up with like 20 more.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ once asked you if you could bake an infinite pizza and his argument was that "well you're technically a witch so you know spells and stuff? i don't see why that would be impossible?"

*The Hebrew term Abaddon (Hebrew: אֲבַדּוֹן ’Ăḇaddōn, meaning "destruction", "doom"), and its Greek equivalent Apollyon (Koinē Greek: Ἀπολλύων, Apollúōn meaning "Destroyer") appear in the Bible as both a place of destruction and an angel of the abyss. In the Hebrew Bible, abaddon is used with reference to a bottomless pit, often appearing alongside the place Sheol (שְׁאוֹל Šəʾōl), meaning the resting place of dead peoples. (in the story he's like v's shadow but you can choose how he looks)

[silly-thinkings]

A gift from Cadmus pt.3

Keys: n/n= Nickname ~Two years till~ Megan took a deep breath before knocking on the door. As soon as she did she turned around to face the grand farm of the Kent family. The door opened, and on the other side Louis stood with a look of concern “Hey, is everything alright?” “I need to speak with Clark. It's about Y/n and Connor” A soft boom could be heard from the sky before a gust of wind enveloped the two ladies. Clark, currently Superman flew slightly above the pair “I came as soon as I heard their names. Are they alright? Have they been taken?” 

Megan looked away awkwardly “they’re fine. But I believe I’ve done something. That if Connor found out he’d be furious.” 

Clark rose an eyebrow before landing “let me call Bruce. Since Y/N is involved we should speak with him too.”

**** ~At the mountain~

To say it was an intimidating room was an understatement. Sitting infront of Megan was Bruce along with his family, Clark, and finally Kaldur. 

“Last week. The night when we found out about the abuse the siblings went through I…. Erased their memories of them.”

Jason slammed his hands on the table “You WHAT!” 

Megan put her hands up “I did it for them. So that they could have a normal life.” 

“I don’t know if martians can’t read the room. But a normal life is the last thing those two are having.” Jason spat.

Tim crossed his arms and closed his eyes “That probably explains how normal they’ve been acting."

The Martian looked at Bruce. She noticed his brows scrunched up deep in thought. Is he angry? She couldn’t tell. 

“Alright… this is… well we can work with this.” Clark stood and walked towards Megan and placed a hand on her shoulder “she did this with good intentions. And by the looks of it it’s been smooth right?”

Bruce finally opened his eyes “Y/n hasn’t shown any signs of distress. Or zoning out for that matter. I don't like the circumstances, but this can benefit them.” Bruce leaned forward with his hands interlocked with each other “Y/N has triggered. Something I’ve noticed before. I’ll let everyone know what that is before we leave.”

“Great, so we gotta hide our night jobs from her” Jason huffed 

“Not nessesaraly, just don’t ask her to hack anything. Avoid string of code, she’s too good at those.” Tim interjected 

“Connor does seem pretty relaxed. Given how he was prior to this.” Kaldur chimed in. “Although, I still think this is a bit unfair to them to block such memories.”

Silence befell apon the group once more. Bruce spoke next “What’s happened happened. All we can do now is continue-“

“You aren’t seriously taking her side in this Bruce?” Jason looked to Tim “dude back me up here.”

“I also think it’s best if they forgot about it. They only remember things after their escape right?” Tim timidly looked away. 

“That’s right.” Megan smiled. Her smile however disappeared seeing Jason not letting up.

Jason turned to Dick who shook his head “they’re doing well Jay. What’s the alternative? Give them back their memories and cause tension? What we need to focus on is what the hell happened in those 16 hours of the league going to space.”

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose “This is going to bite you all in the ass. And I want no part of this.” He stood and made an exit to the zeta tubes. Dick’s phone rang which certainly helped him get out of this awkward situation “Yea I gotta go. Good luck with that.” Kaldur also stood, he took a deep breath before looking at Megan “The team won't know. I think it would be best since the siblings do not like mind-altering. And I do not want to form any sort of distrust among us. Not again.” On that night, everyone vowed to do their best to protect them from their own past.

Three years later48hrs till…

“Mercy, hand me my iPad will you. I would like to check up on the news.” Lex luthor leaned back on his chair as he stared upon the vast city of metropolis. The hustle and bustle of the people down below amused him. So small, yet so full of potential. So full of life. 

“Here you are sir.” 

Lex took the tablet and scrolled through Gothems latest news. It’s been a year since he lost his experiments. Superboy was out with his team and even though he tried to persuade him. Tried to use him like the weapon he is. The plan backfired embarrassingly. The coverts team managed to regain control of the league. But only after 16 hours. 

No matter, not all is lost. For there was another potential candidate that can suit his needs. On the front paper a photo of Y/N Wayne reading “Gothem’s Princess has mastered another instrument and will be playing for her schools end of the year concert” Finally. An opportunity has opened up to properly meet his creation. How she ended up with Bruce Wayne he’ll never truly know. It’s no surprise though. The man’s adopted 3 boys prior to her.

“Mercy. Be sure to get tickets to this event. And order a rose.”

~~~~~~~

Y/n sneezed. The sound of an alarm buzzed loudly annoying the 9 year old greatly. She lightly tapped around the bedside table searching for the noise. When she found it y/n slammed down a little too hard. Breaking not only the alarm but the prestige wooden table that housed many memorabilia. “Oops… Alfred’s not going to like that.”

Y/n sat up and reached for her glasses. That also broke. “Ughhhhh”

Y/n plopped back down on the bed. Maybe she can get away with skipping breakfast. And lunch….

A soft knock on the door startled the poor girl. 

“Who is it?”

“It’s me.” Bruce’s voice was on the other end of the door.

Y/n quickly got up and flew to the door opening it. She gave his a tight hug “You’re back! I was beginning to worry!”

Bruce returned the hug “worry? About me?”

“Yes dad. You spend so much time worrying about others. Who’s going to do it for you?” Y/n smiled at him before resting her head on his shoulder.

Bruce tilted his head slightly. He noticed the broken stand and raised an eyebrow. “Sorry…” y/n looked at her hands “still learning how to controle my strength. D-don’t tell Alfred.”

Bruce rested his forehead against hers “our secret”. Y/n, his pride and joy.  She was so kind to everyone around her. However, Bruce began to feel guilty. He felt like a neglectful father. Alfred expressed his disappointment as soon as he arrived home from his mission. “Thanks for taking care of me little bat. I heard you have another performance tonight.” Bruce turned and walked down the hall. While doing so he began knocking on the doors of his other children that reside in the home

“Yup! It’s the last one of the season. Then tomorrows gonna be my flag football game. Uncle Clark said he’ll definitely be there for that one. Since it’s the finals.”

Bruce felt another pinch of guilt. He’s been showing up late to her performances, or hasn’t shown up at all. Even News outlets have noticed his absence. Unfortunately, every time he tried to go the bat signal appeared. And yet, after all that, not once has Y/n ever made him feel bad. In fact she would comfort him for missing her shows. 

Y/n noticed her father’s furrowed brows and scrunched up lip. He was thinking… hard.

“Father? You aren’t beating yourself up again in there right?” Y/n tapped his forehead seemingly releasing him from his trance. Bruce didn’t even notice that they’ve arrived to the dinner table. 

Y/n shimmied herself out of her fathers grasp and walked to Alfred. 

“Good morning Alfi!”

“Good morning Lady Y/n. Would you like Superman or Batman pancakes today?” Alfred maneuvered around the kitchen and table professionally, expertly serving for those who have yet to arrive. “Can I have some Superman pancakes? Im going to see him tomorrow.”

Bruce sucked his teeth. Superman? Really? When he’s right here? Alfred and Y/n looked at each other before a giggle escaped the girl's lips. 

Tim groggily walked passed Bruce. He could barely keep his head up as he sat down. “Wow, you look beat.” Y/n said stuffing her face with pancakes.

“Training to be Robin is tough.” He reached for his mug and took a sip of coffee. Jason soon joined the table. As the family spoke Bruce stood there watching his children mingle. Watching Y/n as she lit up everyone’s life by just being herself. His hands felt sweaty. How could he make it up to her? “I’ll be going to your last recitals tonight.”

The table stopped moving. Everyone looked to Bruce as if he had two heads. 

“You have a show?” Jason spoke next. He too had been showing up less and less to her shows. Only really hanging out with her when he would sneak out as Robin and she would cover for him through the computers. In all honesty, she’s had his back more then he ever did for her.

“And it’s the last one?” Tim followed up. There was one rule in the house after what they heard about what Magan did. And it was to keep her away from any and all hero related activities. And yet Tim has asked for her help in certain things. To which she happily did.

Y/n sunk in her seat “w-well yea. I didn’t tell you guys cause I don’t want you to miss patrol tonight Ya know. You haven’t showed up to my other shows anyway.”

That stung And it showed. Jason and Tim looked away from each other. Even Alfred frowned at the statement. Y/n frantically waved her hands in front of her “No no I don’t mean it like that. I mean, like. You guys are helping the city. That comes first ya know! Don't worry about me ill be fine.”

Bruce finally made his way to his seat at the table. All the children were quiet as he closed his eyes. It was as if he were calculating his next move “I’ll call Dick and Barbra. Have them watch over the city tonight.”

Y/n bit her bottom lip. Excitement wasn’t even close to how she was feeling. Y/n jumped from her seat and flew to her father knocking both of them over “thank you thank you thank you! I can’t wait dad.”

Mixed feelings cursed his mind as he slowly hugged her back. He looked to his sons who were frowning for seeing such a reaction. Guilt befell on them too. 

Alfred cleared his throat  “Lady y/n” 

Y/n stood and quickly adjusting herself “sorry… flying I know.”

Alfred smiled as he amusingly shook his head “I believe I can make an exception to that one Lady y/n.”

~~

Wally fell to the floor with a hard thud. 

“Your cooking tonight” Artemis smirked.

Wally rested on his elbows as he looked up at her “yea yea. Maybe Connor can help me.”

“Help you do what?” Connor, Megan, and Garfield walked into the training room.

“Hello Megan. Tonight’s our last team night before they go to college.” Megan clapped her hands excitedly while the speedster groaned “Connor please help.” 

Connor crossed his arms. “Hmmmmmmm” 

Garfield puffed his cheeks trying not to laugh. The super was greatly extending Wally’s suffering. 

“Connor!”

“Alright alright I’ll help. Artemis, Megan why don’t you two buy groceries?” Conner smirked and leaned in for a kiss. To which Megan happily returned.

“Eww gross” Garfield covered his eyes.

Wally finally stood. He too scooped his lovely girlfriend into a romantic kiss. The blond practically melted in his arms. 

Garfield turned into a parrot and proceeded to squawk uncontrollably. Breaking the couple up.

Artemis pulled away with a laugh “Ok ok sorry. We’re off then.” She walked to the Martian and wrapped her arm around hers. The two woman left the room. 

Connor waited a moment before letting out a sigh.

“N/n you can come out now.”

Garfield turned back into himself “what? Y/n is here?” 

Wally zipped and zoomed around every corner looking for the girl “Gothem princess.” he cooed knowing that'll make her respond.

“Ugh. Please don’t call me that.”

The boys all looked up. On the ceiling of the training room were a ninja rope course. Filled with rope swings and hanging rings. Y/n hovered over one of the training equipment, facing them upside down. “Enough people at the academy call me that.”

“Come down n/n they’re gone.”

Y/n hung on one of the monkey bars before doing an acrobatic flip down. When she landed Garfield slowly and sarcastically clapped his hands. 

Y/n ignored the behavior and walked towards her brother “So, you guys are planning a dinner tonight?” 

“Yup. And weeeee gotta cook.” Wally wrapped his arms around Connor who one rolled his eyes amusingly.

Garfield crossed his arms “I thought you weren’t allowed at the mountain.” 

Y/n crossed her arms and faced the green boy “Actually, I am allowed to be here. Dad doesn’t let me near the controls. Or mission briefings… or any of the new tech” Y/n frown slightly. Connor noticed but when he was about to ask she turned to him excitedly “I came to share great news with you brother! I have my end of the year performance tonight and all of my family is coming to see me! Isn’t that awesome.”

Connors face dropped. That was tonight. How could he have forgotten this one? “ hold on. You didn’t tell me that was tonight.”

Y/n gave him a curt nod “it’s a good thing I didn’t. Pfft I don’t wanna ruin your plans. Especially with your…  partner.” 

Y/n felt her eye twitch at the title. The girl strongly disliked the Martian and everyone knew it. What they didn’t know was the why. Y/n felt her fingers stiffen. She then felt a light tap on her fist. She looked to her right to see Garfield look at her with a shocked expression. 

Y/n clapped her hands together “Anyway. There’s a seat for you. Only you… if you can’t make it that’s fine too.” Y/n began to fly “have an awesome night guys!” The girl zoomed out the room. The sound of the zeta tubes confirmed her departure. 

Garfield sneered “I don’t get why she hates Megan so much. It’s not like she did anything to her.”

Wally shrugged “I mean… it’s not uncommon for little sisters to dislike big brothers girlfriend. Maybe it’s a girl thing.”

Connor wished it were that easy. Y/n doesn’t do things without reason. And whatever reason she has to avoid Megan like the plague must be a good one if she’s going so far as to hide from her. Maybe tomorrow he’ll ask about it.

~~Later that night 

A child- prodigy. That’s what they called Bruce Wayne’s one and only daughter. Y/N smiled on stage as the crowd gave her a standing ovation for a beautiful performance.

She was gifted in any and all things. academics, sports, music, theater! If someone introduced something to her she would master it within the same week! 

But all kinds of praise would always fall on deaf ears. No matter what she did it was all the same, and tonight was no different. Y/N looked on the empty seats that was meant for her family and felt an old yet familiar feeling for the first time in a long time. A numbness ebbed in her subconscious as she accepted Bruce’s absence. Her mind felt cloudy as the crowds cheers slowly turned into white noise. She was almost lost in her own thoughts but the voice of her best confidant saved her from the darkness in her mind.

“Brava Miss Y/n. Wonderful performance as always.” Alfred’s voice Of praise made her blush. The butler held up a beautiful bouquet of flowers towards the nine year old girl. She went to the edge of the stage and took them. Some of the crowd laughed as the flowers were just as big, if not bigger than her. Y/n gave one final bow before exiting the stage. 

Classmates and teachers all gathered around the little girl and showered her with praise. Of course she smiled and accepted many trinkets and gifts but she wanted to run. She wanted to fly as far away as possible. 

“Y/n someone very important is here to see you.” The teacher gently placed her hand on her back guiding her to one of the rooms. 

Y/n walked in the room and immediately froze. Lex luthor with his assistant Mercy we’re waiting for her. 

Lex smiled apon seeing the girl “Y/n Wayne. I’m familiar with your work. Your father must be proud.” 

The girl felt her hands shake. Was this a trick? A trap? A kidnapping?! Y/n looked to her teacher with a smile “can you Bring Alfred to me. I don’t want him waiting.” 

“Of course.” 

The teacher left without a second thought. Which was odd. What kind of adult would leave a child alone with a guy like this. 

Y/n took a deep breath. She placed her flowers on the vanity table carefully. Lex noticed, and smiled. 

“I know, you know why I’m here. SB812” 

Y/n rose her hand “don’t say a word until Alfred comes in.”

After what felt like forever Alfred opened the door. He looked at the the billionaire with a blank expression. The butler walked beside Y/n and closed his eyes. 

Lex eyed him up and down. He didn’t say anything. Nor did he attempt to do anything. Y/N’s back was facing him but he can clearly see her face in the mirror. 

Y/n closed her eyes “I don’t want anything from you. I don’t know what you did or said to connor that made him your puppy dog. But it won’t work on me.” 

Y/n looked him in the eyes through the mirror. Her eyes began to sting and she cursed herself for it. “Cut to the chase. Why are you here.”

Lex snapped his fingers signaling his assistant to reach into her purse and pull out a single rose. A beautiful pink rose in a glass container in the palm of her hand. It resembled the magical rose from beauty and the beast. She handed it to Alfred who raised an eyebrow.

Y/N’s unease grew. “Is that a bomb?” 

Lex chuckled “no my dear girl. A gift. For all your hard work.” 

“I don’t want it. You can leave now.” Alfred walked to another table in the room and gently placed the flower down near Mercy. 

Lex felt… saddened by such a response. He couldn’t quite place why he felt this way. That look of disgust and anger from the girl intrigued him greatly.

 “Y/n… this is my gift to you. Even though you rightfully despise me. I will never forsake you as my own. I’m very proud of you.”

With that Mercy and Lex luthor made their way to the exit. Alfred follows them and shut the door. When he turned back around Y/N’s grip on the table made the borders crack. Her legs wobbled uncontrollably. 

“Lady Y/n are you alright.” Alfred rushed to her side. When she felt his presence she allowed herself to fall. She hugged him tightly and felt the tears surge. She didn’t want to cry. Not now of all times, but she couldn’t stop the ever growing sadness that poured from her heart. it was no use. Y/n pulled away and grabbed her hair and shook her head violently. She fell to the floor as all the strength left her body.

Alfred knelt down and checked on her “did he hurt you? Do I need to call Bruce.” 

Y/n’s head shot up at the name shocking the poor butler her tear stricken face broke his heart “He promised Alfred. They all said they’d B-be here. But- but-“ 

Y/N’s quiet sobs grew into a cry. Alfred had no words. He sat on the floor and brought the girl into a hug. Y/n cried. Her attempts in speaking came out mumbled and broken. 

“No matter what I do… they won’t come. And when I want to help they won’t let me. I’m not allowed in the cave. I can’t see my brothers train. Why. Why why why!” 

Alfred felt the girls grip tighten. Her tears mixed with makeup ruining the fabric of his pristine suit but he didn’t care. All he can do now is provide comfort. He looked to the flower and noticed the small details of it. It was slightly wilted but shone beautifully. Expensive jewels bedazzled the item. 

Y/n crying turned  into a pained laugh. “Did you hear him Alfred. H-he heard about my show and came to give this to me. He said he w-was- p-p-proud of me. Alfi… he came all the way from metropolis to tell me that He’s happy for me. He came to tell me that he was.. proud of me.” Y/n pressed the palm of her hand against her forehead as a new wave of tears flood her. She used Alfred to muffle the otherwise very loud cries. Nobody came to see her. And the only person who did was an evil villain that funded her creation. 

Minutes turned into hours. Alfred felt light hiccups coming from the girl. When he checked his watch it was well past closing. The cleaning crew did come to check but he was able to buy some time for her to calm down. At some point she had fallen asleep. The butler gently stood with the girl in his arms. He looked to the flower, as he did Y/n stirred “can we take it?”

Was it a risk? Yes. Did Alfred care. Maybe. “Let me check it over first. If it’s safe then we can put it on your amazing trophy shelf.” 

Y/n nodded slightly before returning to sleep. Honestly he wasn’t even sure if she should return to the manor. Alfred walked towards the car and gently put her down. When he sat at the drivers seat he pulled out his phone. Alfred didn’t expect an answer right away at one in the morning but it was worth a shot to call the Kents.

“Hello?” Clark’s groggy voice was on the other end of the line. 

“My apologies for waking you Clark. But can I drop Lady Y/n are your home.”

Clark sat up slightly “y-yea of course. Is everything alright?”

“I’m afraid not. I’ll explain when I get there.” The butler looked at Y/n through the rearview mirror. At some point, the girl hugged herself in a fetal position. 13 hours till...

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 16 thoughts

damn. this was another episode i had to stretch out over TWO DAYS because a storm RUDELY interrupted me, but to say i was at the edge of my seat was an understatement. i was entirely invested. every beat was excellent. and most of my notes were asking the question: what is going on? so join me as i walk you through every single time i was confused (but in a good way)

so i read the synopsis and saw there was a mulder's sister mention........ interesting....

it opens with mulder monologuing about his quest in life to find the truth, and i'm into it, and then we see a helicopter... but it's HIM in the helicopter being medevaced?? so this monologue must be taking place at a later date? or is a sort of cosmic narration of his coma thoughts??

he is beat to hell and back and they are putting him in a TUB

scully bursts onto the scene and they try to be like "who are you" and she is NOT playing around, she's all "there's no time for this, a man is dying" queen.......

so he's still going on- either cosmically or in a sort of post-event narration- about "what happened on the ice" justifying his every belief. and also that he thinks that aliens are HERE and they are COLONIZING? which i feel is a bit of a jump. like aliens being a thing, okay, possible. colonizing earth? i mean, also possible, but like... don't they have better things to do?

they have him in the tub to prevent hypothermia but scully is yelling that THE COLD IS KEEPING HIM ALIVE and i'm wondering if she knows that because 1. it's obvious medical knowledge and she is simply out-doctoring these other doctors or 2. they're doing what you would normally do for a patient in these circumstances, but she knows there has been some sort of alien fuckery that needs to be addressed in a different manner

then, right as we hear that HIS HEART STOPPED, we get the little spooky song and the intro. my notes consisted of: HUH?? WHAT IS GOING ON??????

okay. jump back in time. two weeks earlier. yeah let's figure out what led up to this.

(i do get hooked when we jump right into the heart of the matter though. as a plot device i will be Sat for this convention sorry)

but my notes were still lingering on what i had just seen. first, that his face was broken as hell, and that makeup must have been unpleasant, and i can't imagine that being filmed being placed in a tub was much fun either

BUT, on the other hand, i think it's good that we're evening out the scales of each character almost dying. while he did get kidnapped in the s1 finale and almost die in the s2 premiere, scully's coma arc was a lot more dramatic, so it is good that it was his turn. we need to see them worried about each other in equal measure.

okay okay. back to the start of the episode. for real. two weeks before this whole ice bathing event, a ufo sort of thing crashed above a ship in the arctic. and the news is saying that a russian agent was rescued from a ship crash. because you can't just say it was a ufo.

cutscene to a women's health center in scranton. and my first thought was, please do not say we are gonna see some character come in with an alien pregnancy. and thankfully that is not where that went. because s2 is too early for that. work up to it a little bit, you know?

the doctor at the health center is watching the news, and he clearly recognizes the man they are shown being lifted from the crash. and he goes to run out the room.

oh? as soon as he escapes from the room.... he is being BEATEN by the dude he just saw on the tv. OH??? BIG NEEDLES???? foaming with green liquid??? the place is set on fire after that?? we have seen these needles with liquid used on aliens before....

dude, what's going on, i wrote in my notes... the girls are scared

okay, so here's what we have so far: three doctors who perform abortions have had their clinics set on fire, and their obituaries forwarded to mulder

(at this point, we see the credits which i'm used to ignoring, but this one has more names on it.... because DAVID wrote the story with MR. CARTER???? okayyyyy putting that yale degree to WORK!!!!!)

wait. we get visuals on the three newly deceased doctors. and they. all have the same face??? and no records on them at all.

they go to visit a suspect, who had a "have you seen this man" ad in his pocket for a local newspaper, so they go to that city and try to investigate

she thinks it's a setup because they have been given weirdly little information, and he thinks there are more doctors out there with the same face that need rescuing... lowkey agreeing with her but i know how these plot devices play out. so.

she's calling the number they gave her and serving looks on the phone, work, but a tip has been made that the next guy is in syracuse, so they're off on a new york road trip

an fbi agent is sent off to the scene, and we see the next same-faced doctor in syracuse, where he is talking with someone about "sharing the planet"... but. well. here's what my notes had to say:

"NOOOO MORE GOO... THE DOCTOR DISSOLVED AND THE BULLETS AREN'T DOING ANYTHING TO THE KILLER? BUT THE GAS IS KILLING THE AGENT... LIKE WE SAW IN THAT EPISODE WITH THE GUY WHO COULD GO UNDERWATER!!"

so we see the fbi agent is very dead, but then he comes right back on screen, and we are dealing with a shapeshifter!!!!! the dead guy has been placed in the trunk of a car with some funky markings on his face. using the likeness of the dead fbi agent, he tells our duo that there was nothing to see at the address they located. and the killer shapeshifts again, leaving me thinking about how cool being a shapeshifter would be.

cut to skinner cam, who has become something like a strange cousin to me. he is PISSED that mulder went on a side quest without his permission because an agent DIED but mulder is very confused because he talked to the agent and he was very much alive? (but it was actually the shapeshifter, of course) and for once mulder is too stunned to speak

scully is at hooooome checking her compuuuuter and she is wearing a flannel!!!!! yes casual wear let's hear it for comfortably scully!!! make some noise!!!

despite looking very comfortable she is not pleased because someone sent her a disturbing email, and she wants to know if mulder got one, too- it's another of the same faced doctors, and this one is in washington. right in their area!

on his way over to her apartment, we run into.... A NEW CHARACTER???? his name is ambrose chapel, and he is allegedly from the CIA... do we trust him? what was he doing outside her place.

they go into scully's apartment and i'm like, dude, we couldn't have done this in a place that wasn't her apartment? but well. why not welcome a strange man in there?

he's going on about the soviet union and the genetic anomalies from twins being studied and turned into clones, who will be used to sabotage the medical system. and all the clones- who are called gregors- are being systematically eliminated in exchange for the knowledge that created them.

pause. no i actually don't want to analyze the alleged soviet gregors who will somehow poison the medical system. i'm looking at scully's apartment. she must have moved back into DC after being reassigned from the academy. so is this the same apartment as her first one? i can't tell. this gregor stuff is complicated and i'm admiring the art on her walls- it looks like little watercolors or postcards of beach scenes. that's so sweet.

so it turns out that this ambrose chapel is the one that placed the ad they had called earlier, and he says the gregors are trying to reach mulder, and they need to work together to protect them, i guess. weird cross department alliance. i don't buy it.

scully is sitting on her couch looked confused as hell. me too girl i'm just trying to figure out if this is the same apartment from s1. sorry to the gregors.

we next see someone in a room full of green liquid that looks like those big tanks of lemonade at the mall. it appears to be a gregor. i imagine that this is NOT lemonade and is instead sustaining some sort of alien creature....

but now we're back with our agents and ambrose chapel visiting a new gregor in a hotel. when gregor opens the door, he is really scared of ambrose. and there's also another lady in the room with him who is hiding. things were going real rapid fire at this point. my notes were just a series of questions, or statements followed by question marks to express disbelief:

"gregor JUMPS OUT of the window but somehow GETS BACK UP? and now he's running away??? so we get a chase scene. WHO IS THIS AMBROSE FELLOW??? and why is there a lady in the room hiding behind a curtain???"

mulder is going after gregor on foot when he gets HIT BY A CAR????

but he says he's fine and tells scully to keep going. ambrose is stalking this gregor like a cat, and gregor has no choice but to climb something to escape.

but noooo!!! the shapeshifter is back!!! the shapeshifter WAS ambrose?? the gregors must be able to sense who the shapeshifter is.

"ambrose chapel" tells scully that the gregor got away, but she steps in some familiar green goo that indicates things are not looking great for our gregor, and he is likely gone. too soon.

"how are you feeling?", scully asks mulder. "like i should have taken the crosswalk", he says LMAOOOOOO

scully is pointing out the obvious: this ambrose fellow is sus as hell. "what happened to trust no one?" "oh, i changed it to trust everyone, i didn't tell you?" LMAOOOO this man cannot stop running his damn mouth

he's all, i ran a background check on ambrose, and he is totally clear, he's been working at the CIA for 17 years! and she asks so WHY, if he has been working here for 17 years, does he need OUR HELP? and also the gregor was CLEARLY running from him, and not us!

he accuses her of being paranoid which 1. kettle calling pot black and 2. rude as hell??? she is speaking total sense here

OHHHH THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING!!! and again she is NOT wrong.

"you'll pursue a case at the expense of everything, to the point of insanity, and expect me to follow you. there has to be somewhere to draw the line" and is she wrong??? she does not get paid enough to deal with all of this, and he's endangering them... and he seems to just assume that she will do anything he asks of her.........

"if the pursuit of this case seems like insanity to you, feel free to step away from it" he says, in a way that is very judgemental and accusatory and not at all understanding of how wild this whole thing sounds. and i'm taken back to his opening monologue, how he was going on about the pursuit of the truth interfering with his relationships... exhibit a!!

she points out that SOMEONE DIED and he deflects by saying "those are the risks you take! you either accept them or you don't"

(now, when signing up for the fbi, i do not actually think "murder by alien" was on the risk of disclaimers signed so.)

((ugh he's pissing me off here. i get it, the bloodhound need to sniff out the truth without regard for anything else, let alone something as simple as safety. but could we maybe LISTEN to our partner???? just once????? GRRRR))

(also they keep calling ambrose chapel by his last name and its making me think of chappell roan, my beloved above all else. this is not very h-o-t t-o g-o of mulder to be ignoring scully's concerns)

despite the high levels of tension and voices being raised, she pulls out her shoe that had stepped in the alien gunk and shows him how it has been burned through. his eyes light up in fascination and he says we need to go get this tested now and also can you prepare an autopsy bay? we can't figure out how the agent in the syracuse situation died. and then HER EYES expand with childlike wonder and everything is momentarily right with the world again.

he comes down to the autopsy- perhaps as a form of apology for his earlier rudeness- and watches while she goes over the stuff. and everything looks normal except his blood was clotted somehow??

"skinner's gonna wanna know why you didn't file your report... what are you gonna say?" "just the truth. i got hit by a car!" LMAOOOO okay honesty king

(it was at this point i lost power and had to spend the rest of the night wondering what the hell was going to happen next until i could finish it the next day.... i truly deserve compensation for this happening twice in one week. what sick and twisted force is out there trying to keep me from running this blog, huh?!?!?)

okay we're back. mulder is going into skinner's office.

he must have came up with a report real fast, because he goes to give it to skinner, and he says he didn't call him to talk about that:

"your father has been trying to reach you. there's been a family emergency"

(proving once again that skinner is serving the same functions as a high school prinicpal)

he calls his dad, and his mom picks up... and he asks why she was at "dad's place".... MULDER CHILD OF DIVORCE CONFIRMED?!?!?

scully stops by his office with an address she found to go on, and he says you go there, and walks out. she asks where he's going and he said "home" and did not elaborate. and said nothing else.

(this pissed me off because RIGHT before scully was kidnapped, he had similarly made an abrupt exit on here and i thought that he would stop doing that and start saying a proper goodbye but no. he has not learned. ALWAYS say goodbye and tell your friends you love them when you leave- it is NOT negotiable!!!!!!)

she drives to the address and it is... very creepy... it's the room full of tanks that aren't lemonade but they look like it!!!!! and ambrose chapel (NOT to be confused with chappell roan!) is pushing the tanks over and stepping on the chunks of stuff that comes out of them... very gross...

scully calls mulder and asks him to please call back because she thinks she is in danger, and someone is following her, sitting outside her apartment, BUT HE IS BUSY!!! WITH FAMILY EMERGENCY!!! which she does not KNOW ABOUT because he DID NOT TELL HER!!!!

he arrives at his dad's place and i am not shocked that man is either from or has spent a significant amount of time in massachusetts, specifically martha's vineyard. like yeah. this isn't shocking to me. it just makes sense.

(although if that were the case, he'd be MUCH more obnoxious about the patriots and the red sox, and before he mentioned going to dodger's stadium and having a shirt from the new york knicks.... so what's the truth?!)

his dad is on the porch and is being kinda weird- do BOTH our agents have a strained relationship with their fathers? and his dad shakes his hand and it's Weird. but he sees his mom is talking to someone inside.

SISTER REVEAL??? it was the girl who was inside the house when the agents and ambrose showed up to find the gregor! AND i think it's the same girl that gave them the map back in binghamton... but i could be wrong?

in the morning he gives his mom a kiss and tucks her into bed. aww.

then he walks outside and it looks like he is either gonna start hyperventilating or crying, but his "sister" is on the porch and he goes over to talk to her- what do you say after 22 years?

she says she was returned around age 8 or 9, and placed with a family, and that she couldn't remember anything until doing some hypnotherapy a few years back, and the memories of her family and all of the horrific testing returned.

(and sorry i'm not buying it. idk it just doesn't seem to add up!!!!!)

but he's hugging her so it's probably best he can't hear me say that. my guess is someone is trying to distract him from the truth.

but, she already knows what is going on... she says a bounty hunter is after her "father" (which confuses mulder because... same dad?) but she corrects herself and says the man who adopted her is one of the gregors- and he is an alien- and they'll be after her soon, i guess for maybe knowing the truth?

at this point in the episode we begin a series of phone calls in which both parties repeatedly miss each other's calls and i was like whyyyyy. whyyyyy.

anyway scully is leaving. she's in a jacket and she's taking the bus and i love her so bad. she says where she is going on the phone but i assumed she was lying because it was in public.

and mulder's "sister" is saying that the hit man can disguise himself as anyone. so he's trying to reach scully, who is back at the site of the lemonade-looking alien tanks.

she pulls a lock picker out of her fanny pack because that is my baby.

and when she goes in all the alien stuff is smashed. she's looking at the alien meat on the floor. and she picks something up and. OH FUCK, i yelled at my screen. i hit pause SO FAST. she was holding a PULSATING ALIEN EMBRYO. but some guy is in the back!!!!!

she tries to get him to stop whatever it is he's doing but he says "you cannot hurt us" and then all of the remaining gregors with the same face are in the room!!!!!!

so she puts them in maximum security but the windows on the cars weren't blacked out and i feel that they should have been. and just as i make note of this we see the shapeshifter hit man... NO!!!

scully ACTUALLY goes to the motel she said she would, and they miss calls 2 MORE TIMES... i will start biting!!!!!

and back where the gregors are being watched, the guards switch, and a new fellow walks in... and i guessed it was the shapeshifter, and yes indeed it was, he busts out his needle that turns the gregors to acid....

there's a knock at scully's door at like 11:30 at night and she goes and gets it and it's mulder!!! where were you, she asks, when her phone starts ringing...

and who is on the other end but... mulder.........

no.... shapeshifter......

TO BE CONTINUED?????

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

this is so unfair because had the power NOT been knocked off i could have seen this episode yesterday and then part 2 tonight. but now i shall be forced to wait until TOMORROW to see what happens. soooooo evil.

i should have known we were gonna get another two-parter when we were halfway through the episode and still no mention was made of any ice. you know, the ice we began with?

anyway. i really really liked this episode. the pacing was great, as much as i complained about their argument i thought it was excellent conflict, we learn more about mulder, but i do not believe that is really his sister. sorry. and if it IS her i'll be forced to issue a formal apology but until then i remain doubtful. has anyone considered doing a blood test. this predates 23 and me.

aughhh i need to know how he ends up an ice cube!!!!!! and i will have to wait until tomorrow. and while i technically COULD watch part 2 tonight i want to have a real good bit of time dedicated to breaking it down

(i saw the episode after the next one is about zoo animals and i was like hell yeah this is what i love about this show. we get some heartbreaking alien infiltration content and then some possessed elephants)

((WAIT. ARE THEY REALLY GONNA GET TO GO TO THE ZOO??? LIKE I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF?? but it's a zoo of ANGRY animals so it's not even going to be relaxing??? this is SOOOOO unfair...))

[harrytheehottie]

SPINNING OUT: ONE NIGHT ONLY 

rated: m word count: 6.2k 💘 masterlist

let me know your thoughts & hope you enjoy! 

You needed to get out. You quickly grabbed your phone and frantically looked for the Uber app as you rushed to the front door. You knew it was too good to be true. You never should’ve said yes to this job. You were under the impression that Harry was done with whatever situation he was involved with. He never explicitly said it but you heard him and Jeff talking it couldn’t have been a coincidence. You were almost at the door before you heard the first - “Hey, where are you going?” the same voice from earlier, Jeff and his fucking timing you thought. You took a deep breath in and out - you had to play it cool.

“I am just a bit tired and thought I’d best head back to my hotel soon.” You were just about to grab your denim jacket out of the entryway closet before he interrupted you.

“Let us call you a car?” Jeff said he had his wife Glenne on his arm who was also insisting that you let them figure out transportation for you.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that… I can call an Uber.”

“It’s so late you’ll never get an Uber out here.”

“You know what, why don’t you just stay here? We have a ton of extra bedrooms.”

You were truly fucked. You could not under any circumstances take up that offer. You had already crossed a ton of boundaries that if anyone at work knew about you’d never hear the end of it - the girl that slept with Harry Styles is what your reputation would become. Even though you’d done nothing of the sort it was the only conclusion anyone would come to.

“I can’t do that…” you looked down at your phone that was endlessly searching for a car, you were in a predicament and you needed to get out as fast as you could.

“I can drive you,” Glenne spoke, she was definitely picking up on your uneasy vibe, “I haven’t drank tonight and am probably the only sober person here. We don’t have to deal with ordering a car, I can take you.”

“You really don’t have to do that.” Even though you really needed someone to get you out of that house quick and fast. You looked up from your phone and past Jeff and Glenne as they discussed what car she would take and her telling Jeff he really didn’t need to go. When you saw them, standing in the same doorway that you were just at with Harry. The conversation from the looks of it wasn’t pretty, both of them standing arms crossed. You looked away for a moment. Saying your thank you’s to Jeff and Glenne and waiting for her to get her bag from the other room before you could leave. And just as you were turning around to walk out the door, your heart fell into your stomach as you watched Harry walk with her down the hallway.

The car ride was quiet. Glenne doing her best to fill the space with the sounds of the playlist she selected and you tried to make as much small talk as you could without coming off harsh. You didn’t want to be affected by his decisions. You couldn’t even begin to believe you’d be able to jeopardize your career for one weekend away with Harry, clearly all he wanted was to butter you up to get a good profile.

You were an idiot.

“I don’t want to cross any unnecessary boundaries… But are you okay?” Glenne spoke up. You were at a red light and ten minutes away from your hotel. What did you have to lose at this point?

“Ha, what gave it away?” You laughed to cover up the true disappointment you felt.

“I don’t need to know anymore than you’re willing to share. And I don’t want to come off as the manager's wife defending him.” She took a pause. You looked away nudging her to go on, “his life is complicated.”

“That’s an understatement.”

“Really, I don’t know if it was the forced time away from work and the loneliness everyone felt but it truly seems like he hasn’t been able to get a lot right in the last few months. Which… never tell him I said that” you both laughed. It felt good to laugh.

“What I can say is he worked really hard to get you to be the person to profile him. He really has got a strong liking for you. The rest of it - what happened back there - it’s nothing more than what it looks like.”

“Why are you telling me all this?”

“I have been around long enough to know what Harry is willing to fight for and that is not it. I’ve never seen him so sure of himself until he practically begged Jeff to reach out to your magazine after he went down a rabbit hole of your articles.”

“Why me?”  You were desperate to know.

“That’s something you’ll have to ask him.”

&&

You laid awake in your hotel. Tossing and turning. There was no one that you could reach out to because what exactly would you say? I had a shot with Harry Styles - well, I thought I had a shot with Harry Styles. Oh and I was going to jeopardize my career in the process. And probably have now. You thought about what Glenne said in the car - You’ll have to ask him.  You weren’t sure you could ever face him again.

You woke up to a knock at the door. You could’ve sworn you left up the Do Not Disturb sign on your door knob so you ignored it for a second hoping that they would just move onto the next door. Then again, three rapid knocks in succession with a final fourth.

“Coming!” You got yourself out of bed. Sometime in the middle of the night you changed out of your dress from the day before into just your bra and underwear which is not ideal attire to greet the employees of the hotel. You grabbed the robe hanging in the closet and opened the door looking at the door knob, “Sorry I don’t need any housekeeping!”

You saw the shoes first. The same Adidas trainers that he was wearing in the trailer yesterday. He was hiding his face behind a pair of black sunglasses, the same yellow hoodie this time with pink and blue sweat shorts. His tanned legs are on full display. Maybe it was intentional, the least recognizable part of his body as he made the trek to a decent hotel full of Coachella goers.

“What are you doing here?” You said flatly. You weren’t going to let up easily. If you felt like you were crossing a line before, Harry was sprinting past it.

“I need to talk to you” his voice was low. You could still hear the bits of his morning in it. Did he really wake up and come straight here? Did he toss and turn all night like you did?

“And it couldn’t wait until…” you glanced over at the clock “after 7 in the morning?”

“I can give you all the time that you need. I’ll come back later. I just couldn’t sleep and I…” he took a deep breath in and out. His head was hung low as he spoke slightly above a whisper. His eyes met yours. The deep green that brought slight chills to your skin.

You moved out of the doorway, holding the door open inviting him in. Once Harry passed the threshold of the doorway, you knew there was no turning back from whatever this was. You had to tell him what it was that you were feeling and you also had to give him the opportunity to discuss his feelings.

“Nice place” Harry sat down on the couch that went against the window of the suite.

“You have good taste.”

It was awkward. The easy going feeling you had around him just disappeared in an instance. Now, you are more aware of your dynamic than you were before. You weren’t equals or friends for that matter - you were a journalist and he was the artist that is where it needed to stop. You couldn’t go further - treat this as a reset button you said to yourself.

“Last night, before we got interrupted.” Harry paused looking up at you.

“Yes” you needed him to continue

“I was going to tell you that - I don’t want to jeopardize anything.” Harry’s pointer finger and thumb pulling on his lower lip a nervous habit that you’d picked up on after spending time with him.

“What would we be jeopardizing? I’m doing my job which is watching you do your job and asking you questions about it.” You were playing dumb. It was your only option.

“S’not like that.”

“Harry, you don’t owe me any explanation on your personal life. I won’t write about it, I have no intention of asking you anything about it, I will pretend I didn’t hear anything or see you walking her into your bedroom.”

“Wait… you saw what?”

“It doesn’t matter. I won’t talk about it. Sworn to secrecy. I won’t tell a soul”

“That’s not what it looked like - we’re done. Me and her, it’s done.”

“One last hurrah to consummate your Coachella weekend? Nice.”

Harry’s eyes went wide blinking twice while shaking his head. “There was no consummate of any kind.”

The room was silent again.

“What are we doing Harry?”

Silence.

“Why did you pick me to do this?”

“You’re brilliant. Jeffrey sent me a list of magazines that we would be sending the record to for playbacks. I wasn’t able to attend all of them but went through the list of a few. I couldn’t stop reading your work.”

You were growing more aware of how this all looked. You and Harry in your hotel room at 7 in the morning. Him fully clothed and you in just a robe with nothing underneath. Not that he would have any way of knowing that but it felt like you were playing a game - him shirtless last night, you today. What would happen next?

“I wanted something different with this rollout. I wanted to be in control - I needed to be in control.”

“I’m not your emotional rebound Harry. I am here to do a job. I have to follow you around for the next few months and this,” you gestured between the two of you, “cannot get complicated. You have a way of making people feel things that you probably aren’t aware of and I cannot get caught up in that.”

You noticed his small smile and the dimples on his cheeks making it harder to focus, “We can be friends. You can do whatever you want. I just need to focus.”  

“Friends.” He said.

“Friends.”

“So, friend… do you want to grab something for breakfast?” Harry asked.

You decided to go back down to enjoy the hotel breakfast.

&&

“Shit. Fuck fuck fuck. I need to take this.” Harry was ignoring all the texts that were coming through his phone. He had his sound on until the amount of texts were getting too distracting. He turned the phone on silent completely and when he picked it back up and saw that he had 20 missed calls from Jeffrey and then began reading some of the text previews the feeling in the room changed.  “Jeffrey, you’re kidding. Fuck.”

The last time you heard him this worked up was back in Coachella by the trailers when he was also consequently speaking to Jeffrey. Harry mouthed a small sorry before getting up from his seat. He was switching between talking on the phone, reading texts then quickly putting his phone back to his ear. You could also feel the anxiety radiating off his body.

“Can I ask what happened?”

Harry made his way back to your table. He was eating furiously and would not put his phone down. Whatever it was that Jeff told him on the phone could not have been good. “My entire album leaked.”

“What?” Your eyes were wide and in shock trying not to draw attention to the two of you, “how is that even possible?” You knew how secure everything was for your offices playback there was no way it was anyone in the industry no one would risk that blacklist.

“They’re trying to figure it out but yeah the entire album. Some stuff that I was saving for the next record too.” He was tense. You felt terrible, something he worked so hard on got just taken from him like that, “had this whole roll out planned and now s’not even fucking worth it.”

You did something that you probably shouldn’t have done but will think about later. You placed your hands over his, your thumbs running back and forth against his knuckles. He was frustrated and disappointed. He just performed one of the biggest stages of his career and can’t even enjoy the high from it because he’s been smacked right down to reality, “I’m so sorry,” you say again.

Harry looked up at you. His eyes found yours you could see the sadness and anger he was trying to hind, “S’just so fuckin’ frustrating work so hard for something and have it all planned out just for some idiot to come in and ruin it.” You let him rant and you listened because that was all you could really do at that moment. And once he was done his eyes were fixated on yours. A soft smile lifting up on his face. This was a moment you wanted to savor. You wish you could wrap the feeling up and store it somewhere for when you were feeling down. Harry looked into your eyes like you were the only person in the room. It was at this moment that you knew it was going to be something different.

You wish you had prepared yourself a bit better for what was to come.

&&

Your trip to Italy felt a bit surreal. You weren’t originally planning on this being one of the stops in your tour with Harry but when he reached out to you asking if you could make the trip with him. He was going to spend a week in Italy before his week in New York.

You immediately said yes.

Your friendship was blossoming ever since your chat at Coachella. You spent every after work hours transcribing all the audio that you compiled from your time together at Coachella. It had been 2 weeks since you last saw him and you blamed the constant thinking about him on your job. You had to listen to him speak for hours and hours on end and you just wanted that feeling back the one you had in his trailer before he went on stage.

“Do you really think a trip to Italy with a world famous pop star is a good look?” Your boss called you into your office after Jeffrey had sent over all your flight information.

“It’s for a piece.”

“Do you really think it’s going to look that way? Going to his shows and performances is one thing but spending a week away with him? Is it really necessary?”

“If I was a male journalist would you be asking me all these questions?” In your years of experience turning it back on your boss always made them reevaluate how they were talking to you. You knew how to look, which you hated. You’d done nothing wrong.

“Just be careful okay?”

&&

Your first day in Italy was a whirlwind. You had the worst travel experience, you were meant to get in in the afternoon and didn’t land in Rome until closer to midnight after a constant mess of delays. You were in communication with Harry about your flight troubles because he had been in charge of booking your transportation after much bickering about how you can definitely sort it out yourself. You made it through baggage claim and customs. You were searching for your name on a sign from one of the many drivers that were awaiting their customers' arrival but were finding no luck. You walked up and down the hallways trying to find whoever it was that you were looking for.

The driver probably got tired of waiting and got back in their car. You grabbed your phone out of your purse and called Harry

“Hey, you said you’d have a car ready for me? I can’t seem to find them?” You found one of the free benches on the wall and situated yourself on it, luckily you somehow packed all your belongings in one suitcase and had your giant tote placed on your shoulder.

“He should be pulling up right now”

“Really? What’s he driving?”

“A white 1970 Ford Capri.”

“What?”

Before you knew it there it was. A white 1970 Ford Capri with Harry behind the wheel. The mask that was firmly placed on his face allowed him to exit the car and help you cram your bag into his backseat.

“Harry, you didn’t have to do this, it’s very late, I could have figured it out myself.” You were sitting in the front seat of his car hyper aware of the proximity between the two of you. He put his address in the navigation and you were a 45 minute drive away.

“I wanted to,” Harry’s eyes met yours, “I wasn’t going to have you trying to navigate a new place at this time of night.”

“Well, thank you.”

Harry’s eyes lingered on yours for a moment longer than normal right before he began driving away from the airport. It was just going to be the two of you for the next few days before his assistant that you met at Coachella was going to join you in the middle of the week. Harry picking you up from the airport when he could have easily arranged for a car instead was definitely something that friends did, right? At least that’s what you kept repeating in your head on the car ride before you began drifting off to sleep.

Harry laid out the logistics of where you would be staying. When you agreed to this trip you knew that he was going to be providing a place for you to stay. He insisted that you take his bedroom since it was the biggest room in the house with the most privacy and a private patio.

“Harry, I can take one of the guest rooms. I promise it’s okay.” You were on your 30th argument about your sleeping arrangements and after a long travel day it was the last thing you cared to bicker about.

&&

Harry was adamant that he was going to cook dinner for the two of you instead of going out to eat. “I’m a master at work here, serious stuff.” Harry had on an I ♥️ Italy apron that was a gift from Jeffrey when he first bought this house.

You tried to hide your laugh, “Okay then, I’ll just sit here and watch and keep all my opinions to myself” you teased as you sat up on the kitchen counter that was furthest away from the stove. You felt his determination as he walked around the kitchen. He was familiar with everything around him. And right before he started he grabbed two wine glasses from the pantry and poured you a glass each. Your eyes meeting for a second for silent cheers, a Donny Hathaway song on vinyl playing softly in the background.

&&

This is an excerpt from the profile:

Styles has spent a lot of time in Italy over the last few years. He has made a home for himself in a tiny village town far enough away from the tourist traps. A place where he truly feels like he is just like anyone else, “I’ve tried to live my life as normally as I can and obviously in some places I will get recognized a lot more than in others. So to have a place where I can come to bring my friends and family to and not have to worry about who has their phone out to take a quick picture is really nice.”

One may think it’s an odd choice for a post Coachella vacation. Going from playing in front of hundreds of thousands of people to being in a secluded town halfway across the world. But if you even spend a little bit of time with Harry, it makes perfect sense. He gives his all on stage and having the time to recoup and feel normal is important to him.

“When I first came here a lot of my neighbors were definitely annoyed.” Styles laughs as he recounts a story about how people were afraid that the town would now be hounded by fans and people just trying to find him, “but I have such a close relationship with a lot of the people here. So I can come here for weeks and weeks on end without anyone actually knowing where I am. It’s nice that anonymity is normal, it’s not to say I’m not grateful for the opportunities I’m given but there is comfort in knowing there are places where I can just be Harry.”

It couldn’t have been more true as you spent those few days with him. The demographic of people leaned older, they all treated Harry like their own son. He would wake up in the early morning hours to do a cold water plunge. After a few weeks of being in Styles’ orbit you too might find yourself in a cold water plunge on two. He then makes his way to the local cafe picking up a cappuccino for the way home. The ladies in the coffee shop always sneak in a few extra pastries into his take away bag. “When I come here I don’t really have any plans. I like to just see where the day takes me but one thing that I always do is this routine - cold water plunge, grab a coffee and a pastry and then come back home. I make myself breakfast , usually just some eggs and toast and then sit in my garden and enjoy the silence. The calm before the storm I guess.”

And that it was. Harry would have a week of promo in New York City before his One Night Only show where he will play Harry's House in full for the first time ever at UBS arena and then he’s off to London to do the same in Brixton and then embark on his UK/Europe tour for the first time since 2018. His schedule felt exhausting but when you see him up on that stage, you know it’s exactly where he should be.

Depending on who you ask, Harry styles will have little to no flaws. He can pull off wearing whatever it is his stylist puts him in and speaks to everyone with a level of politeness that is hard to come by these days. One thing I’ve learned that he is exceptionally bad at is cooking.

I blame it on the fact that I left home at 16. Harry says as he gathers all the ingredients for dinner. I can make the most basic of things: a toastie, a cup of tea and pasta. I am trying to get better at it though, no one wants to be 28 and unable to cook.

&&

You finished eating dinner and were cleaning up your plates and mess in the kitchen. You and Harry had fallen into a comfortable silence. The sound of drawers opening, water running and occasionally clashing of plates while Harry was attempting to put things away. Over the last few days it felt like you were in a safe little bubble. You understood why Harry would come to this small town to recoup and spend time relaxing before major events. No one bothered the two of you. He was nothing more than just Harry to everyone you encountered. You were growing to like him, a sort of friendship forming underneath the circumstances of why you even came into his life. You started to let yourself think about the future and what happens once this job is over. As you sit down in the living room to watch a documentary with Harry you let your mind wander to what life would look like if you weren’t the journalist that he was hosting for a profile. Was any of this going to turn into something more?

&&

You were laying on the couch together, Harry leaning over, finding your mouth in the process and melting into you. You felt your body on fire as the sounds of his lips against yours took over your hearing. You were no longer focused on whatever documentary you had on screen. Both of you smiled as he swiped his tongue into your mouth. The kisses were slow and sensual like he was taking his time to appreciate what happened. You had your hands in his hair, pulling and tugging for more. Harry began slowly kissing down your neck, swiping his tongue to lick and suck and watch as your body reacted.

You had one too many clothes for whatever he was trying to do but he didn’t have time to take off completely. Instead he pulled your shirt up not until after kissing alongside your collarbones and down your chest before finding your tits. His mouth sucking on your nipples just enough to get his first moan out of you. A self satisfied grin on his face before slowly kissing down to where you need him most. You pulled your own shorts down as Harry kissed down your stomach. He paused at the top of your underwear. He looked up at you looking for permission to keep going, you gave him a silent nod to keep going, pushing your hips up at him to follow. He kissed you over your underwear a few times. You were embarrassed at how wet you already were from just light kissing and touching, the response your body had for him was definitely working against you in the ‘playing it cool’ Factory. Harry pushed your underwear to the side. His mouth sucking on your clit as you could feel the fire inside you continuously burning. His mouth was made for this the way that he was licking up your slit before adjusting his position now. He pulled you forward, his hands now firmly grasping the top of your thighs. His nose was against your clit as his mouth kissed and sucked your center before sliding two fingers into you. You moved your hips to the motion of his fingers. You were in sensory overload as Harry encouraged you to your orgasm. Your breathing was heavy. You were squeezing and pulling at his hair before the bubble inside you finally popped.

“S’that’s my girl” was the last thing you heard in Harry's low and lazy drawl before you opened your eyes and shot up in bed. You looked around your room. You were alone. You peaked under the covers. You were fully clothed.

Fuck.

&&

You were off that entire morning. Stumbling over your words, avoiding eye contact with Harry and trying your hardest to have minimal conversation with him. When Harry mentioned that he was going to the market and wondered if you would join him, you were quick to say no. He didn’t push you any further, finally giving you some alone time to think. When he came back you were still in the same position, laying out in the garden trying to read a book.

“What’s wrong?” Harry said bluntly. You heard him come in the door and put some of the groceries away. You hoped he would take the hint and stay inside but you should have known by now it isn’t that easy to get anything past Harry.

“What?” You put your book down and stood up to face him. For the first time today you really took him all in. His hair felt like it got longer by the minute. He had a tiny scrunch at the top of his head. He was wearing red and green striped shorts and a worn vintage Jamaica t-shirt.

“You’ve been acting all strange today, did something happen?” His hands were on his hips, a genuine concern in his voice and body language.

“Sorry, I just have had a ton on my mind.” You began walking towards the door to get inside closer to Harry so you weren’t shouting across the yard.

“You should really stop apologizing for everything. You say sorry before every sentence even though you’ve done nothing wrong.” Harry says, softly.

“Sorry,” Harry raises his brows proving his point once again, “it’s just a habit.”

“So, shall we start the recording process soon? I grabbed us some dinner for later,”

“Yes - let me just grab my things.” You say as you begin walking towards the guest room. You grab your items and  pause to look at yourself in the mirror. You were in a white button down and light wash denim jeans. You looked good, effortless which was what you were aiming for.

You were here to do a job. And you were going to make sure it was a damn good one.  

&&

After your time in Italy you and Harry began a texting relationship. He would let you know his schedule for his week in NYC. You were going to be in the city to attend his One Night Only show and you were trying and failing at trying to figure out a time to get together. You were on your way to dinner with a few friends in the city when you got a call from Harry. You stopped on one of the busy streets to pick up, “Hey, is everything alright?”

Harry chuckled on the phone the low breathy laugh that transported you back to the first time you met him, “M’fine just have Stern tomorrow morning, I guess…” he paused. You walked into a quieter street putting the phone closer to your ear wishing you could easily transport yourself to him. “I’m just a big nervous I guess… thought I could use the wise advice from a journalist.”

You laugh, “Oh, really? What could this wise journalist you know tell you?”

You sat on the phone for much longer than anticipated fielding all of Harry’s nerves and letting him know that he could handle the situation. He was afraid of the questions that he didn’t want to answer but knew it was all everyone wanted to talk about. Even when speaking with you Harry skirts around the situation being as vague as he can. You let him know that he has the power to take control of the interviews -- even with someone like Stern. Reassuring him that just by being himself he would be doing enough.

Once you got to dinner with your friends, a text came through your phone.

Thanks for the pep talk, my mum’s going to be happy to not have been woken up by a phone call at 2am. Have a nice dinner, tell your friends I say hiiiiiiiiii x

&&

This is an expert from the article:

Harry’s One Night Only release shows have become a sort of tradition. It started back in 2017 when he performed his first self-titled album at the Troubadour; the show was announced on the day and tickets were $20. For Fine Line they upgraded the venue to the Forum but kept the same ticket price. Harry’s House was now going to be performed in full at the UBS Arena in Long Island where Harry closed out his 2021 Love On Tour North American run. The concert was also going to be streamed on Apple Music for those that want to watch from around the world.

The opening chords to his album begin playing, Music For A Sushi Restaurant and every single person in the arena is up dancing, screaming every single word to the song. And the momentum continued through every song. Styles’ went through every song of his album sharing different anecdotes about making the album throughout each song. The energy of the crowd was electric, excitement was tangible and if anyone thought Harry Styles success was a fluke they were mistaken. Every single seat in the arena was taken. The floors were shaking and for those 90 minutes nothing else mattered in the world.

&&

Harry’s managers had a little after party in the UBS Arena green room. His entire band and crew and their significant others and friends were all over the backstage area of the arena. You found your way back there after coordinating with one of the security, you had an all-access pass that allowed you anywhere backstage. The party felt like the same one at Coachella but on a much smaller scale. There was food and a congratulatory cake, they had table tennis and different arcade games scattered all around. You felt less like an outsider once you found Glenne, she gave you a warm embrace and quickly invited you into the circle of girls who you got to chatting with right away, you noticed how she introduced you as “Harry’s friend” rather than your profession - something you wouldn’t push any further on.

You were in conversation about potential brunch plans with your new found friends, trying to coordinate your schedules when Harry walked into the room. You felt his larger than life presence once you heard a few people say his name before congratulating him. You immediately noticed how everyone continued on with whatever conversation, game or food they were eating.Everyone here he was comfortable with - they were like family to him, he wasn’t Harry Styles The Worldwide Pop Star he was just Harry. An older or younger brother figure to everyone in the room. There was no press to worry about, no one that was going to sneak a picture or video.

Once you noticed that he was alone for a second eyeing the food table you excused yourself from the group and walked over to him tapping him on the shoulder before he turned around and scooped you into a giant hug, “Congratulations, you were incredible out there.”

“Thank you, I’m really glad you came.” Harry said with a wide smile.

Harry grabbed some food and you made yourself a plate as well and grabbed a seat at one of the empty couches. Harry told you about all the interviews he had done that week. How much your phone call positively affected him. You talked about your upcoming schedules and how you weren’t going to see each other for a few weeks because he was going back to London before Wembley and you had to go back to LA for work. And then your conversation began to pivot to just general life stuff. He had another One Night Only show planned in London, he always did one there because he wanted his family involved as much as possible. Since his mom and sister couldn’t make it to Coachella this was going to be the first time they’d see him perform this year, “They’re like the two most important people in my life so having them in the crowd calms all my nerves.” He was opening up to you when he didn’t have to. There was no recording device, no notebook in hand with a list of questions. It was just you and him talking about insecurities, anxieties and families.

Slowly, the room around you got quieter and quieter. People began clearing out, heading out to whatever after that was planned. You and Harry were the only people left in the room.

“So…” He spoke after a lull in your conversation.

“So…” You did your best to imitate his voice.

You didn’t realize how much you were anticipating this moment. Whatever question or inquiry he had you were ready to answer and act on it. Harry’s focus moved from your eyes to your lips and back -- once, twice, three times. He was hesitating. The same hesitation that was felt back at Coachella, in his kitchen in Italy and countless times on your walks to and from the market. You both knew that crossing this line was going to be a point of no return. So, when Harry’s body began moving closer and closer, you let go of all inhibitions - fuck it you thought as you move to meet Harry in the middle, your lips centimeters apart.

“Hey, we got the last car waiting…” You and Harry quickly separate trying your hardest to not make it look like you were moments away from kissing. It was one of the assistants to his manager, a young girl that you met for a brief moment early in the day. Now, she was going to have the best gossip of the office. “Sorry… I just,” she continued, “We just have one more car waiting for you all when you are ready. No rush, sorry.” She quickly filed out of the room.

“We’re going to have to work on our timing,” Harry said as he leaned back, shaking his head.

[dicentsalve]

So are you using the canon dynamic of Squalo and Tiziano as friends, or is that just your take on their relationship too? Like, do you see them as friends with benefits or something. Sorry, i just don't fully understand

It would just be interesting to know how you think they could become a couple, or do they just feel something for each other, but still remain completely separate people with their own lives, u know

Tiziano and Squalo have a very peculiar dynamic, which everyone instantly attributed to romantic (and I am no exception).

However, when it was even officially said very vaguely that they were just very good friends, even if it was expected, the world became a little different.

That is, two people whose hobby is literally spending time with each other, who cuddle and rub against each other in any situation, have paired outfits, almost kissing and who are ready to sacrifice their lives for each other, but at the same time remain damn friends - I'm dead (especially considering the fact that we have Sorbet and Gelato, about which we, of course, know nothing, but in general there are parallels between them, but Sorlato is a couple)

No, I don’t perceive them as friends with benefits, in general, I don’t really like this phenomenon.

I'm probably more attracted by the understatement and mystery of their relationship, taking into account the above.

They're friends? Idk. They're couple? Idk.

But even in friendly relations, it's probably difficult to perceive them separately; they are too harmonious, even at the stand level.

And if you're harmonious at the soul level...

But I also really love them as a couple, they are perfect.

Although, even if we take into account the fact of the development of a romantic relationship, I think they wouldn't have any problems (except work and maybe orientation, also an interesting ground to play with): they're close, attentive, caring, listen and value each other more than anyone or anything else.

What more could you dream of?

Probably, not to be shot

Taking into account the factors of their dynamics, relationships could arise absolutely anywhere and under any circumstances

I like them for that too, because it opens up quite a wide range of possibilities for their story.

But, of course, I won’t do this, because I’m not a patient person at all.

But looking at what a large part of the fandom turns Tiziano into, I am close to isolating myself and calling them both straight.🧍

[sout999]

dear tumblr ,,⋋(•◇•)⋌,,

thank you so much for all the support on my top surgery fundraiser, whether it's donating, reblogging or just staying patient with while i boost the link multiple times. which i am going to keep doing! it's no understatement that this is the single biggest positive thing that's happening in my life, and the time i need your help most. so i'm making my voice heard as much as i possibly can to spread the word, and i appreciate all your help with it. it makes me feel loved as a person and not as a bunch of posts on a dashboard, i've been getting pretty isolated because of mental health stuff so even the small connection we have from your act of goodwill is really meaningful to me

i've been ok, mostly putting in work on my masters degree, although some of the 'work' included having a massive breakdown from months of burnout, and i'm currently in the middle of trying to get an extension and rework a large part of my project. mostly this is due to the subject matter of my work having had a lot of loaded cultural and personal themes, which, when being forced to think about nonstop for two years, while also moving in with the family member who is the source of a large part of all the trauma of it, was just too much. taking a stance to axe the project in its current form was hard and made me feel like a quitter but now i feel relief and realize it was an act of self love as well

so i'm trying to recover from that and see a way forward to a project i would like doing, but it's hard when your circumstances have left you this depressed. i'm also trying to become more mindful of the way i use social media because when i'm anxious i fall very easily into the numbness sink of scrolling social media just to avoid thinking... i've stared a daily list of Ten Things That Happened That Day That Didn't Happen On The Internet, although i never get to ten, and i dont think even pre-internet leon would have gotten to ten, but it's good to aim high and take notice even of the little things. maybe to some people this comes naturally but i have to be very deliberate about it. i think this article sums up how im starting to feel about the internet rn

i've cut most personal spending down as much as possible to save up to my top surgery, so i have to find fun things to do that don't cost money. i'm trying to sew because my partner knows a lot about it and can teach me (i'm currently trying to engineer the perfect underwear, weird hobby but it's actually an amazing dysphoria-buster because most store bought underwear that fits my ass is so feminine, to be able to make a piece of something so intimate be so personal is, omg, an act, of, omg, self love). i've also sold off some things to help save for my top surgery and doctor visits, i'm trying to not get rid of anything i will really miss but it's also an enjoyable feeling to imagine the item disappearing as it becoming a permanent part of my history and of my sexy flat boy body (~o_o)~

if i end up having some free time outside of my masters degree, my current dream project is making pixel assets. i think with all the cases of my art getting stolen and used without permission it would actually be really cool to put something together specifically for public use. i miss kaoani and flower banners and stuff. i dont know if i can ever make something so saccharinely cute and tidy but if anything it's a nice space to visit

did you miss me coming to tumblr to make long winded posts about nothing? hopefully when twitter falls we will all be on here reading each others paragraphs, hopefully i'll have more going on in my life and can write even longer ones. here is a nice drawing, and a link to the fundraiser once again :)

https://gofund.me/958124b6

[professorspork]

Tag Game - Writing Patterns

List the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there’s a pattern.

The excitement never truly hits Blake until she gets in the car. (something wild and unruly, RWBY)

“…I think we got it… I think we got iiiit… whuh-oh, watch your head!” (this will be, RWBY)

There’s beauty in Mantle, if you know where to look. (a union (just by saying so), RWBY)

The first thing Blake Belladonna notices about Sun Wukong is— (show me everything and tell me how, RWBY)

To say the good news is, Yang’s alive would be such a wild understatement it renders itself meaningless—a word like “good” so inadequate it can’t even begin to encompass the surge of relief and joy that floods through Blake the first time they lock eyes. (you and me and this temptation, RWBY)

Breathe, Emerald reminds herself. Just breathe. (send 'em howling, I don't care, RWBY)

Blake’s never thought of herself as being particularly bad with kids. (baby, let's take the long way home, RWBY)

The first time she and Kristoff ever kiss—after she blindfolds him, after he lets her lead him through the market with nothing other than trust in her hand in is—he asks for permission. (rely on certain certainties, Frozen)

It’s occurring to Emerald that she’s never had a close female friend before. (so I can be for you what you want to see, RWBY)

The falling feels like it takes days. (found, RWBY)

-

...huh.

While at first blush I think it's difficult to see major connecting threads, when I look at these as a whole I think what comes through most clearly is my background in TV writing. The common wisdom is that the opening scene of a pilot is meant to serve as a thematic microcosm of the series as a whole, and when I look at the priorities of these opening lines -- most of which are sure to orient you with the main character and get towards the premise in some key way -- I see that instinct and training at work.

I'm also more prone to something pithy and quick than a lengthy paragraph -- 5 is an almost comical outlier in this regard, and looking at it compared to its brethren kind of makes me want to go back and change it even though it's years after the fact.

I tend to open in a cerebral place more than an action-oriented one. My characters are self-evaluating, or reflecting on their circumstance. I like to stew in a bit of context before throwing you right in -- 2 and 10 being the obvious exceptions. As someone who thinks of fanfiction as a place where character study is just as important an end result as storytelling, that isn't a surprise, though I've never explicitly thought of it in the way.

Nothing else really jumps out at me, but a fun exercise nonetheless! Consider yourself tagged if you'd like to do it yourself.

[thefederationfiles]

Uh? Hello?

/click/

Cellbit

Uh, hello? I’m not really sure how to start this... suppose I should introduce myself first, I am Cellbit, the new head archivist of the Federation Census Bureau. Still not entirely sure how I landed this position, but I’m not going to refuse it, a promotions a promotion in my eyes.

I was allowed to pick some assistants to help me out, they didn’t really give me a limit on how many I could pick (that they told me about) but I’ve decide to pick three, from various departments within the federation itself. Roier, from exploration, Fit from the clean-up crew and, Etoiles from security, all pretty chill guys, though sometimes ONE of them can get on my nerves…

But I digress.

My predecessor, Bagi, was a very organised woman, and everything, though weirdly done, is actually rather ordered when you think about it for more than five seconds. However, I personally enjoy audio recordings, if find them easier to listen back to if research is needed. For some strange reason however my usual recording equipment wont work, so here we are! With an old tape recorder I found in the desk here.

Anyways, suppose I should start the recording of the actual statement…

On then!

Statement of Phil… no last name given, regarding how he met his wife. Original statement given 23rd of February, 1934. Audio recording by Cellbit, Head archivist of the Federation, Census Bureau, recorded 27th of October 2023, recording begins.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, why the fuck is HE of ALL people giving a statement, well, consider it a gift! Don’t get so annoyed mate, I only want to repair the relations between us, trust me, just let me tell you my story! It’s a good one.

I first met her when I had supposedly died, I know, very typical of her, but I was just another guy back then! Well, like any self-respecting gentleman, I introduced myself. To say she was confused was an understatement, turns out you’re not meant to be able to speak after death, you’re not even meant to be able to move! Personally, I like to say it was love at first sight, she says, she despised me at first sight. To be fair to her, I was a man who couldn’t die, and her a woman who fed on the dying wishes of men, but plenty of couples have WAY bigger fights when they first meet!

Well, she let me go, I mean she couldn’t really take me, I wasn’t dead. For some reason though, we kept on bumping into each other, always when we were working as well so we could never have a proper conversation. Annoying right? She had to properly prepare the person for consumption, and I always had to get rid of the body! Really hard to flirt when you’re picking up organs that have been thrown against the walls (very messy as well, had to burn that shirt, I liked that shirt…).

To be honest, I always knew that I wasn’t normal, I mean there’s plenty of circumstances I’ve been in where I should’ve died, plenty! I just thought I was a lucky guy, but well, when one survives a hanging, people start to question a bit too much, and well, to put it simply I had to go into hiding! It was rather lonely; I mean don’t get me! It was nice, I made friends with the local crows, they turned into my first murder actually!

Anyways, it was about 25 years or so into this when she visited me, turns out she’d been getting pretty lonely herself! And, well, apparently the other immortal people she knows kept on trying to either fight her or get her to join their own groups, which, just rude! That is not how you get a lady’s attention! So she came to visit since were both so connected with death!

Well, she kept on visiting and eventually I realised everyone who wanted me dead would’ve been dead, so I came out of hiding! That was about 45 years ago, we got married a couple years after and well, you guys know the rest! We started our own group, made a pact with one of the hunts avatars, gotten pretty powerful!

Also I’ve learnt about all the guys and all that, kinda hard not too when you have my job!

Come on now, that’s what you wanted right? A story? A peace offering? Well there you have it! Enjoy, I have a meeting to get too.

/click/

/click/

Well. That was certainly something, I found that statement in the drawers of this desk when I was looking for stationery and thought it a good place to start.

I guess you could say I’m in shock? I mean it really just reassured what I’d already known, I knew stuff existed, I kinda needed too…

Either way, kinda hard to get information on a statement that’s nearly 100 years old, Fit was able to get some information on some serial killings from the 1800’s that he reckons might be related, but I say it’s a bit of a stretch.

/sigh/

Well, better than nothing for the first one! I swear I also heard him talking about an old war buddy…

/click/

[theladybarnes]

DON’T YOU WANT ME, BABY? : CHAPTER FOUR

“Mistakes have been made.”

▸ summary: a happy reunion happens, but boy drama ruins it all ▸ characters: steve harrington, billy hargrove, max mayfield, & the party ▸ word count: 4.8k     ▸ warnings: angst, toxic exes, and general billy behavior ▸ series masterlist

The clock in Ms. Kelley’s office ticked loudly in the empty room, making you slightly more irritated as you continued to wait out for your counselor. 

 It was only a minute back to your group at gym class that Coach Duffer sent you to leave class early and go into the main office of the school. Something you didn’t think over until you were coming through the threshold with wet hair that soaked the top of your blouse. Could they not have given you at least a second to towel dry your hair?

 “Alright, Miss Henderson.” Ms. Kelley chimed as she entered the room. “While I’m always happy to see you, I’m afraid I’m a bit unsettled by today’s visit.” 

 “You and me both, Ms. Kelley. Which is why I think we should reconvene on better circumstances and call it a day!” you clapped, going as far as to pick up your bag from the floor. The cheery tone only caused her to raise a brow as she settled into her seat across from you. 

 “Miss Henderson, it’s clear to me that today was quite the off day for you. Did something happen before school? Are you feeling alright?”

 There was no good answer that you could give to the poor counselor. Was it the weird sex dream? The hangover? The boys who lie? How do you give her the gist of all that and come off as sane?

 Bringing your hand up, you rub gently at your chin. Normally in court, you would plead a case and go through a million questions before allowing the jury to come to a conclusion. But with Ms. Kelley playing judge, jury, and executioner, you had to go about this differently.

 “Guilty,” you sighed. “I’m not feeling well. And my severe actions deserve their proper consequences.” Leaning forward, you tilt your head towards the women, giving your best sorry face you could muster. “I’ll take whatever punishment you see fit.”

 The thought up answer didn’t seem to satisfy Ms.Kelley. In fact, it made her frown harder as she jotted down a few things on her notepad. “Ms. Henderson, you flipped off a teacher, yelled at two students, and hurt one with a basketball. You mean to tell me that you want to play all that off from not feeling well?”

 Sensing that there was a need for a small bit of honesty, you let out one piece of information that could hopefully close this case. “Well, that and some of the boys are spreading lies about the tellings of my personal sex life.” 

 Her jaw slacked a bit, pen falling to the side before she scrambled to pick it back up in her hand. “That is a serious accusation, Ms. Henderson. Are you sure that’s the reason?” 

 “Well, it’s definitely the main one.”

 A sour sort of look spread over her face and she looked between you and her notepad for a second before she tore off the paper and threw it in the trash can beside her. “I need you to apologize to Coach Duffer for the unsavory hand sign you gave him, and clean up the gym after practice today for Coach Troy for disrupting his class.”

 To say you were shocked was understatement, but you certainly don't question it as you stood up from your seat. Holding onto your bag tightly to leave before she changed her mind. “Sounds like a reasonable punishment, Ms. Kelley.” 

 “I also want to let you know you’re free to come talk to me if anyone else starts spreading more misinformation, okay?”

 “You got it, Ms. K!”

 You made your way over to the door, giving the woman a thankful wave as she called out one more request to you. 

 “And please don’t attack any more boys!”

  While Ms. Kelley had given you a break today, most of the day seemed to go on longer than you expected. During lunch you had a hard time finding Jonathan, needing to be with someone who isn't currently judging you. But that ended up being a bust. Then when it came around time for you to clean up the gym, Coach Troy seemed to purposely drag out practice. 

 Though you spent a good chunk of the day avoiding conversing with others, you couldn’t help but feel bad as you finished cleaning up. Most of the other students were a bit wary of you. Possibly worried they’d be the next target in your yelling spree. Although not everyone seemed to get the hint. Considering you did see Steve by your locker earlier that day. And while you’d like to maybe talk things over with him, it was best not to add fuel to that fire. 

 It was nearing the evening when you finally left the gym. The winter sky had turned dark blue due to the time change. Since Jonathan seemed to disappear from school grounds today, you were stuck taking the long way home. Something you’d definitely be complaining to him on the phone tonight.

 Just as you get on your bike and down the long driveway of the school, you’re about to pass the middle school’s joint hill when you first notice them. Or mostly notice her. The group you now know as your cousin’s “party” were all crowded together on the front steps. Each of them looked worried while the young girl looked confused. 

 “Maximilian! As I live and breathe!” 

 The boys all look over at you with a curious look before the redhead lets out a chuckled sort of gasp. “No way!” She said, rushing down the steps. “You’re here too?”

 Her body colliding with yours nearly took you off your bike, making you giggle as you wrapped your arms around her figure. It’s been quite a while since you’ve seen the young girl and you’re happy seeing her in different circumstances. 

 “Is this where you went to?!” Max exclaimed, moving to look you over. “You still look the same.”

 “Well moving would never stop me from looking good.”

 Giving her a once over, you smile at the sight of her slightly Tom boyish style seeping through in fall clothing. She was always more bright and sunny back in California. You wonder if she’s struggling with the cold as much as you did.

 “How the hell do you guys know each other?” Dustin blurted, stepping down the steps to join at your side. “And why are you at the school so late?”

 Frowning you point a finger at him sternly. “I’m here because it’s none of your business and I know her because she's from back home.” 

 “She used to date my step-brother before she dumped him.” 

 “You have a brother?” Mike asked, a familiar look of displeasure on his face as he crossed his arms. 

 “Step-brother.” you both corrected him. 

 Turning back to the others you can’t help but feel their tension. “Are you guys hanging out together?” Peeking, you notice someone missing. “Why are you guys here so late? Where’s Will?”

 Max scrunched her nose, pushing a fiery lock behind her ear. “I’m not hanging out with these guys. They were stalking me. And Will just—“ 

 She’s cut off with a harsh nudge from Dustin. The slight push caused her to bump into you, making you nearly trip off your bike. “Geez!” she whispered, looking over at him with wide eyes. You can’t help but notice that they’re keeping something from you.

 “Hmph,” you hummed, looking over at the group. “You guys are acting weirder than usual.” 

 Lucas stepped up with a sorry sort of smile on his face. “Uh we’re not, just worried about Will. His Mom had to come pick him up because he went into another weird episode.” The rest of the boys turned back into a slightly worried expression.

Jonathan had told you before how Will would become spacey sometimes, but lately it seemed like things were going backwards in his development. 

 Nodding your head, you place a hand down on Max’s shoulder, giving her a small smile. “He’s going through things. He'll be better in no time.” It wasn’t easy to lie to her, but considering you didn’t want to involve someone else in the mess from last year, you’d have to tough it out to protect her.

 “Considering we’re not clouded by smoke from Billy, I’m guessing you’re gonna take your board home.” 

 Max peered over your shoulder to see across where the parking lot was. “Asshole.” she muttered before looking back at you. “I guess I am.”

 Turning to the boys who were trying to huddle together, you pointed over to the bike rack. “Let’s get going! We’ll all ride together.” They all groaned a bit, hating the break up of their little get together. “Nuh uh, I won’t have any of that bitching, twerps. It’s gonna get dark and we don't need to be here a minute longer.” 

 Max ran back inside to quickly grab her backpack from her locker, leaving you alone with the boys for a second to quickly discuss what you couldn’t before. 

 “So, do you guys think Will is okay? I thought he was getting treatments or something down at the Lab?”

 “We have no clue.” Mike sighed, adjusting his footing on the bike pedal. “He was off on Halloween and today he totally seized out on us. I wish we just had some clear answer.” The other two boys nodded, looking back at the school door to spot out for Max. 

 “And what about Max?” you asked, catching their gazes again. “What is she doing in the mix of all this?”

 “Geez, you sound like you don’t want us to hang out with her.” Dustin scoffed, gripping onto his bike handle tightly. 

 “As much as I’d love for her to have friends she can punk around like you guys, I’m worried she might get involved in something that’s too big for her. Like you guys already are.”

 Mike frowned a bit at that. “She’s not a part of the party. Don’t worry.”

 There’s a slight disdain in Mike’s tone. Which you’re pretty familiar with, but it felt slightly unwarranted since he’s most likely known Max for less than a week. “Okay, noted.” you chuckled, making him shrug his shoulders.

 The heavy door creaked loudly as Max pushed her way out. Bright hair blowing in the wind as she placed the board down on the ground. “Alright, you guys okay?” she panted, noticing the change in the group’s demeanor. The boys gave you a glance before you smiled over at Max. 

 “Yup! Let’s get going!” You called out, turning your bike to lead the way. It was just in time to miss the look of suspicion from her blue eyes.

  To your surprise, when you finally got home with Dustin, Tina had been waiting on the phone. Wanting to hear the details of what happened after you left the gym class. Mostly because the rumor mill must have had some missing details.

 Your vague answers did little to satisfy her, but she was willing enough to share the news of Billy having come over to them at lunch. Claiming he wanted to spend some time with Vicki that day. It would seem he was finally over you and therefore making Tina accept you back into her inner circle for now.

 The phone call left you with a sort of sick feeling.

 After a few attempts of trying to call Jonathan, you gave up for the night. Eating dinner quickly to get into bed early that night. All you could hope for was tomorrow being a better day without any trouble.

  “Did you hear about your little weirdo and Nancy Wheeler?”

 You had barely been able to get your book out of the locker when Tina and Vicki came into your line of vision. “No, can’t say I know what you’re talking about.” The brunette raised a brow, leaning against the metal door with a slight smirk.

 “Some say they ditched early the other day. Left around lunch.”

 “Others say they ran away together because they’re secretly in love!” Vicki giggled.

 You stole a glance over to the locker beside you. Usually you managed to avoid the girl when getting your books, but now and then you’d see her there. But now that you’ve thought about it, it’s been three periods and you haven’t even seen her or Jonathan yet.

 “I doubt that’s what’s going on.”

 “Enlighten us, babydoll.” said a deep, agitating, grating voice. 

 The metal locker door creaked as he slowly shut it to reveal Billy’s face. The toothy grin plastered on his face as he annoyingly chewed gum loudly. “The girls and I have been trying to figure it out since first period.” 

 The other two giggled a bit, even going as far to twirling a piece of their hair as they nodded eagerly. Unfortunately, with the lack of contact from either person, you couldn’t give any of them the truth.

 “They’re friends. Probably skipped the day to go hang out.” you shrugged, trying to play it off coolly. “Is that suddenly a crime?” 

 The two girls seemed slightly to agree before Billy scooted in closer, placing his arm across your shoulder as he leaned in to you. “We both know that Wheeler recently dumped Harrington too. You mean to tell me she’s not trying to rebound onto this Jonathan guy?”

 Did Nancy break up with Steve? Was the reason why he had been crying at the party? Had it been yesterday when she went into the gym after you left? 

 Something in your face must have given off the confusion because suddenly the two girls are giggling at you. Playfully pushing at your shoulder. “It seems not even Byers’ only friend would know what the hell is going on.” Vicki said, making Tina smirk slightly in amusement. 

 “Poor thing.” Billy cooed. “I should help her catch up. We’ll see you guys at lunch.” he winked, waving them off with his free hand. You silently pleaded with your eyes, even shaking your head a bit to get them to stay. But the two giggled at Billy, ignoring your pleas as they waved goodbye to the two of you. Billy finally released you from his grip, allowing you to take a small step back. He remained cocky as he slid to lean against the locker.

 “What is your damage, Billy? Since when do you care about gossip?”

 “I care when it involves our friends.”

 “God, they are not your friends.” you spat, rolling your eyes. “They’re like your obsessed followers.” 

 The comment made him chuckle, rubbing his hands together in front of him as he gave off a meek shrug. “What can I say? They adore me here. Not like they have anyone else to look up to considering Harrington is nothing but a loser these days.”

 Something didn’t sit right with you to hear Billy talk about Steve that way. He didn’t know why he had fallen out with his friends. And while he wasn’t sitting with the same group of people, there were some who still held him in high regard. So why did Billy’s words bother you so much?

 “So,  if the competition is low, why bother with checking out rumors that don’t mean squat to you?”

 “Well for one, competition is still competition. And two,” Billy leaned in, a dark cast over his light eyes as he pointed a finger at you. “because it matters to you.”

 You frowned down at his finger. “It doesn’t matter to me. I hate the guy. Anyone will tell you that.”

 “And yet he likes you.”

 There was no way in hell Billy did not hit his head on the way into Indiana. Because at this point in time, even a child could tell that Steve Harrington only had eyes for Nancy Wheeler. Shaking your head, you look at Billy skeptically. “You’ve been here less than a week and think that?” you laughed, turning to go towards your next class. “I think you need a new informant because he is definitely not into me.”

 “I have eyes, no need for clarification.” he sighed. “I’ve also been told by Tommy that you like him too. Since you came into town.”

 Your sneakers squeak against the floor as you quickly turn to face Billy. Eyes glaring hard on him. “Tommy Hagan was practically trying to get real estate up Steve Harrington’s ass last year and you want to believe one of his deranged rumors?”

 “He says you were practically all over him despite his attempts to get with Nancy.”

 Laughing loudly, you shake your head at the boy. “I hung out with Tommy and his scheming girlfriend for one week and they came up with that shit?” Billy only stared at you with his calculating eyes, trying to pick out the lie in your words like he usually did with others. But you know him well enough now to cover up what you didn’t need for him to know.

 “The three of them were assholes and I was done with all their bullshit by the weekend. When they figured I wasn’t going to hang out with them anymore, they decided to campaign against me.” 

 “Because you’re so worth lying about?” Billy asked, cocking his head to the side.

 “What can I say, Billy? People tend to act a certain way when it comes to me.” 

 Your words seem to work because Billy chuckled lightly, nodding his head a bit before he extended a hand towards the direction you were going before. “Just thought I’d ask about it. I’m only looking out, babydoll.” The nickname made you cringe lightly. 

 “Well I don’t need you to look out for me.”

 “Oh I know,” he smirked, waving you off. Not waiting for your leave, he turned to walk down the opposite direction. But not without giving you what felt like a warning.

 “I’m looking out for me.”

  As of this week, the school day left you falling into a funk. Not only were most of your friends icing you out because of Billy, but Jonathan really did skip out on the day. Leaving your lunch plans practically dead. 

 It wasn’t until you were inside the cafeteria, holding a plastic food tray tightly in your hands that you suddenly felt ill. 

 Never in all your high school life had you been such an outcast. You had so many friends back home. But as of right now, the idea of being friends with anyone felt like a risk. Were they going to leave you too? Was there anyone you could trust anymore?

 Not one for letting your real emotions show, you cock your head up, ignoring some of the leering eyes of the student body as you made your way to one of the center tables that had been abandoned. You’d eat quickly, but confidently. With no signs of discomfort on your face. That way no one could get the satisfaction of thinking they made you feel bad.

 You pulled out a magazine from your bag, placing it down in front of you so that you could keep your attention focused on something other than the students around you. But just as you had begun to eat into the school’s overheated pizza slice, another person slid on the seat across from you.

 “We need to talk.”

 You kept your eyes down on the page rereading the same paragraph of the quiz ‘who your celeb soulmate is’ as you ignored the boy across from you. “Don’t really see what we have to talk about.” you mused, turning the page for results. 

 “Would the fact that everyone keeps talking about us not be good enough reason?” 

 “Nope.” You drawed out, frowning down at the paper. “Damn, I got Tom Cruise. I wanted Michael J. Fox.”

 The magazine is snatched from your line of vision. Making you snap your head up to finally look at your unwanted guest. “Give that back, Steve! I have to find out if Tom Cruise likes what I do!” 

 Steve folded the paper over, giving you an exasperated look before leaning in close. “You can figure all that out later. We gotta get these rumors under control.” 

 Blowing air through your nose, you keep your composure under control as you begin to pick at your lunch. Eating bits of the pizza with your fork. “Us sitting together is just gonna make things worse.” 

 “That’s what I’m talking about! We should be able to do things like sit next to each other without it meaning anything.” 

 Leaning back against your chair, you raise a brow at Steve. “Well, get Nancy to help clear some of the air. She’s a part of this as much as we are.” 

 His face fell at the mention of the girl. Suddenly emotional, he reached over to your lunch, ripping a chunk of pizza off as he chewed on it harshly. “We can’t go to Nancy right now.” 

 Glaring at the now torn off piece, you try and move past his sudden indulging of your lunch. “Well no, I know she’s not here today. But tomorrow..”

 “No, we can’t go to Nancy right now because..she and I are fighting.” 

 “Okay, so make up with her.”

 “It’s not that easy, trouble.” 

 Something was telling you that you’d regret going on with this conversation but your curiosity had a better hold on you than you thought. “Well why the hell not? You guys are practically making out in the hallway these days. Just bring her flowers and make up already.” 

 Steve, having grown more annoyed, leaned towards the table, brows furrowed as he spoke softly. “I can’t just make up with her because she thinks we killed Barb.” 

 Pushing your tray aside, you move to lean close to him. Not wanting to risk anyone hearing the conversation now. “What the hell do you mean? Is this why you were crying the other night?!” you hissed. 

 “I was not crying…but yes. Among other things.”

 “Like what?”

 He looked hesitant at first before he dived into a brief explanation of the night. And you were unfortunately correct on them being off from the start. But you really didn’t expect the last part. “..Apparently, we were never in love, I’m bullshit, and now she’s run off with Jonathan out of town.”

“Shit.” you said, reeling back a bit. The two of you have a bit of a stare down as you try to think of how exactly you were supposed to reply to that. While you had your own problems with Steve. 

 What Nancy was blaming him for was unfair. No one could have figured that Barb would be taken by a demogorgon that night. It was just a party, where stupid teens were supposed to make stupid decisions. How could the blame be on either of them for something that wasn’t even a part of this world?

 “I’m sorry,” reaching out, you placed your hand gingerly on top of his. Feeling the warmth from his palms as his fingers twitched from the contact. “It’s not your fault..I hope you know that.”

 Steve’s lips parted slightly, words being suddenly taken from him as his gaze moved between your hand and your face. Turning the hand over, he gently allowed your fingers to slip into his. Only for a second before he gave a squeeze. “Thanks.”

 Figures that the one time you’re actually having something of a nice moment with Steve it has to do with you comforting him about Nancy. But a small selfish part of you is lingering onto the way his touch feels to you right now. 

 “I know I’m probably the last person you think would suggest this. But maybe we can find a way to figure out where Nancy and Jonathan are. Help figure out what mess they’ve gotten into-”

 “You know Harrington. When I mentioned leaving behind some girls for you, I wouldn’t have expected you go after my girl of all people.” The chair beside you screeches loudly as Billy plops down beside you. The strong scent of his Aramis making you nearly gag as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. Steve is quick to drop your hand as he leaned back in his chair, glaring over at Billy.

 “Okay, first off. I am not your girl. Second, what the hell are you on about, Billy?” Pushing his arm off, you turn a bit to face him. Though his tone was playful, you couldn’t help but notice the familiar look of fire behind his eyes. He was upset.

 “Lover boy here is obviously having some relationship problems as we’ve discussed.”

Steve’s brown eyes snapped to you, giving you a questioning look as Billy went on. “I thought I gave him some humbling advice but he clearly ran off with it.” 

 “God, do you ever stop talking?” Steve muttered in disbelief. 

 “No, he lacks the capacity to have any sort of tact.” 

 “Others would say I'm just brutally honest.” Billy interjected, attempting to make a point. But all you and Steve did was scoff in reply. 

 Scooting your chair away from his side, you turned to face him better. Not needing to be plagued by his close scent anymore. “What asinine advice did you give Steve?”

 “Easy, I told him there was plenty of girls–”

 “Not the word I remember hearing.”

 Billy blinked hard, nose flaring before he went on. “That he should move on and find some other bitch to help him forget Wheeler.” The harsh words made your face twist uncomfortably. “And like I mentioned before, I didn’t think he’d do that with you of all people.”

 You couldn’t help but recall the conversation you had with Billy earlier in the hall. His comments about Steve possibly liking you felt so out of pocket. Even now, right before he had come in and invaded your conversation. All you and Steve were doing was talking about how upset he was because of Nancy.

 “Who she talks to is none of your business.” Steve said suddenly. “From what she’s told me, she dumped you last year, leaving you a mess back in California.” 

 “Oh is that what she said?” Billy asked, followed with a dark chuckle that you knew was being led to a worse reaction. “What else do you suddenly know about her?”

 “I know she’s obviously grossed out by you and yet all you’ve done since you’ve gotten here is invade her space, man. It’s like you aren’t getting the hint.” Steve countered, almost leaning across the whole table with how close he got.

 “Really! You of all people are able to grasp hints all of a sudden!”

 “Believe me, I’m not the only one seeing the signs. She’s practically crawling away from you every time you’re by her.”

 “And just how many times are you watching whenever I talk with her? She’s my girlfriend!”

 “She’s not!”

 “ENOUGH!” you yelled, suddenly pushing your chair back. The cafeteria deafens as the students around you notice the drama that's at your table. “I’ve about had it with you two!” 

 Both boys’ jaws dropped as they noticed your sudden anger. It wouldn’t be the first time that either one of them has dealt with your fury and from the way they act it certainly wouldn’t be the last. And while you hated the idea of having an audience, you could not hold back anymore.

 “For the last and final time, Billy. I am NOT your girlfriend. You’re an egotistical man-whore who needs a god damn reality check! Leave me the hell alone!” The blonde nearly paled through his tan complexion as his eyes flickered to those around him. 

 Your gaze turned to Steve, making him nearly jump in his seat as his face almost mirrored the same look from last year when you gave him a piece of your mind. And while the anger wanted to come out, a part of you held back. “We’re not friends.” The words felt heavy when you saw Steve’s face fall. “I don’t need you to defend me and I definitely don’t need you to speak for me.”

 Turning the students around you, you cock your chin out, letting out a calm breath before speaking again. “Shows over, assholes!” And with that the other students quickly diverted their attention back to their meals, not willing to be the next target in your tirade. 

 Grabbing your bag from the table, you quickly gather your tray, and push in your chair. Steve defeatedly holds up the magazine to you, making you swallow at the sight before you snatched it from his hands. 

 The stress of dealing with petty high school drama was beginning to get the best of you. And for the second time in your life, you’re walking away from telling off Steve Harrington. And like last time, it’s left you questioning just how you really felt about him.

a/n: pls be kind. this chapter was such a struggle for me 🥹 

[gamma-rae-bursts]

She'll Know Me Crazy

y/n is having a no good day, Alex is there to make things better

Pairing: Alex Blake x Fem!Reader

Content Warnings: period talk, Morgan being an idiot

Word Count: 1500+

Genre: Fluff

A/N: This piece is a little gift for @storiesofsvu, with the prompts "I can't believe you remembered that" and "I remember everything about you". Covers the "rainy day" square of Katt's birthday bingo (interpreted as both literal rain and a bad day). Title stolen from Hozier's "Jackie and Wilson".

Your periods were always bad, but this morning you woke up with the worst cramps you’ve had in months. Barely managing to drag yourself out of bed in time to get ready for work. You put on a minimal amount of makeup and a simple outfit before you were out of your apartment. The sky was covered with grey clouds, making it impossible for any sunshine to peak through as the streams of water made their way to the ground. You were happy you didn't bother with styling your hair as the even during the short walk from your apartment to you car you got completely soaked. Your day did not get any better when Starbucks managed to mess up your order, but you’ve only realised that when you sat down by your desk, not quite ready to face the day ahead of you. 

“Y/n you okay over there?” Derek’s voice sounded through the bullpen shifting your attention from the paperwork you had been working on “No offence, but you’re looking a little dead.”

You rolled your eyes at his comment, knowing that you did not feel well, but you weren’t quite aware of your looks being such a reflection of it. “I’m alive, that’s the most you’re getting out of me today.” You replied giving the man a death stare.

“Leave the girl alone Morgan, she’s having a rough day” Alex added, also aiming her stare at the poor man. 

Fortunately for him, Derek ceased his questioning after the looks the two of you gave him, not wanting to sign his death sentence quite yet. 

As you were getting back to your work, you glanced towards Alex, giving her a weak smile. 

She was the newest member of the team, joining right after Emily’s departure to London. You tried your best to give the charming brunette a warm welcome to the team, always making sure to include her in conversations and team nights out. Thanks to that you got to know her a little better than the rest of the BAU, you found many interests that the two of you shared and would get absolutely consumed by in the conversations. It didn’t take long for listening to Alex talk (about absolutely anything) to become one of your favourite pastimes during lunch breaks. Her passion radiated through her as she spoke, the speech always enhanced by her soft gestures gracefully forming shapes through air. You had a particularly soft spot for the linguist’s voice, her words flowed effortlessly as she explained complex matters and discussed her favourite works. 

As the weeks passed and you got to know each other better you started noticing more and more things about Alex that had you in complete awe over the woman. To say that you were extremely attracted to the brunette would be a gross understatement. It was the softness of her voice every time she spoke that gave you butterflies. Her brown hair curled into soft waves perfectly framing her face. Her rich dark eyes that held warmth, present even during the darkest cases. She had a scar over her right eyebrow for which she made up a little cover story of how she got hit during one of her past cases. After one too many drinks Alex revealed to you the true circumstances of gaining the mark and sworn you to secrecy, being a little too embarrassed to confess to the rest of the team. She laughed as she told you the story of her brother, Scott, pushing her off from a swing when they were kids, resulting in the brunette hitting her head on the bar.  

You admired her courage and determination, always pushing herself to her limits to save lives with the rest of the team. You weren’t aware of the heart eyes you made her way each time she spoke, and it was only when Penelope pointed it out on one of the nights out that you became overly aware of them. The blonde did not stop badgering you to make a move on the linguist claiming that she caught her giving you the same looks, but every time you dismissed her attempts, trying to convince her that there was no way the linguist even liked women, let alone one of her co-workers.

The rest of the day passed with no major issues and fortunately for you the team did not get called for another case. The sounds of rain roamed through the bullpen throughout the whole day, occasional lightnings and thunder making you happier to not be out in the field. Just as you were packing your things ready to head home you heard the rest of the agents voices as they entered the bullpen, the one of Penelope caught your attention.

“Up for a drink sugar plum?” the blonde squealed as she approached your desk.

“I’m gonna have to pass on today Pen” you responded, and the woman immediately gave you her best attempt at puppy eyes, pleading for you to join, “I’m sorry but the only thing I want today is to pass out on my couch snuggled in my blankets, the cramps are no joke” you laughed.

“Oh come on, don’t be boring y/n!” Morgan teased and immediately regretted his words when all the women directed their stares at him. 

“Bring back this attitude when you have a bleeding uterus Morgan, and for your own sake I advise not a single more word to come out of your mouth.” you laughed at JJ’s words when she gave you a gentle pat on your shoulder. “Now let the girl go home and get some rest.”

“Alright, alright. How about you Blake, you in?” he turned to face Alex.

“I’ll have to pass as well; I have crosswords and wine waiting for me at home.” the woman smiled.

“Now, that’s boring. But each to their own I guess!”

You watched the agents leave as you finished collecting your items from the desk, saying a goodbye to Alex as you left the bullpen. You put on your favourite playlist as you got into your car, hoping that the music will be a source of relief. The drive to your apartment wasn’t long and before you knew it you were unlocking the door, making your way inside the flat. You rid yourself of your coat and shoes, leaving them in their designated spaces, dropping the keys in a ceramic bowl on the kitchen counter. Before you settled on couch with your current favourite sitcom playing you took a quick shower to wash off the exhaustion of the day. 

Just as you made yourself comfortable in your favourite spot, wrapped in at least 3 blankets you heard a knock on your door.

“Thought you might need a little pick me up” she smiled as she raised the bag of takeout into your view. Not just any takeout, it was from your favourite Indian restaurant from downtown DC, located way out of the way from Alex’s house to yours. 

You smiled at her in response, opening the door wider so she could go in. 

“If you don’t feel like company tonight that’s completely fine, I thought I might just drop it off to make sure you have a good dinner.” she added

“Thank you, and I’d love for you to stay.” you smiled warmly

“Well come on then, let’s eat” 

“What about your date with crosswords and wine?” you said raising your brow.

“This is just as good”

She made her way to your kitchen, already knowing her way around it as it was not the first time she brought some food over, or even cooked for you. You were kind of a disaster in the kitchen, often preferring to order takeout than deal with the fire extinguisher and the mess it left. 

“Here you go, butter chicken with a side of naan and rice, just as you like it” she handed you the plate with a soft smile across her face “I also brought some ice cream, they were out of the chocolate fudge brownie, but I hope half-baked is just as good?” 

“It’s perfect, thank you” you whispered.

Alex swiftly moved through your apartment, plating her food before she took a seat next to you, placing a plate of samosas on the table for the two of you to share.

You continued watching the show as you ate, taking breaks to explain to the brunette what was actually going on there. As you finished your meal you watched a few more episodes before Alex walked back to your kitchen, bringing over the tub ice cream and two spoons. “Ready for dessert?” 

“You know I’m always ready” you chuckled. “I can’t believe you remembered all of that” you whispered as she handed you the ice cream to take the first spoonful. 

“I remember everything about you” Alex smiled and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. 

Maybe Penelope was right after all.

Taglist: @nightmarish-fae @storiesofsvu @maybe-a-humanbean @inlovewithmiddleagewomen @venromanova @geekyandgay98 @lisaannwalterstan @bratty-subby-girly @ashbones

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[fire-of-the-sun]

Lotor: The Man Behind the Mask

AKA The Many Faces of Lotor and Which is His True Face?

To say that Prince Lotor is a multi-faceted character would be an understatement. Born into a life of tragedy, the many masks he comes to wear are borne of his circumstances to not only further his own agendas undetected but most notably to aid in his own self-preservation both physically and emotionally. A proverbial sword and shield to protect himself. These false faces allow him to do and say what’s necessary to keep himself alive to fight another day - a practice that’s unfortunately hard-wired into him from centuries of abuse. 

The character we're first introduced to is probably what the audience expected: an antagonist (albeit a more complex one than expected) that leaves the audience questioning his true motivations. An aspect that makes him more intriguing but also works against him with many fans using it as evidence to validate their worst perceptions of him. But, as we see more of Lotor throughout the series, we begin to explore the depths of him and uncover evidence to the contrary. 

So, which is his truest face?

THE MASSES

We don’t get to see Lotor interact with the masses many times in the show, but the most notable occurrences are his introductory scene in the arena and the Kral Zera - both occasions in which he presents himself as a powerful, capable warrior, a persuasive public speaker and a leader worthy of the Galra’s loyalty. 

In the first occasion, Lotor almost immediately undermines his previous show of good will towards the assembled Galra by confessing to his generals in private that “the masses are easily manipulated.” This statement would, understandably, leave audience members to believe Lotor is nothing more than a liar and manipulator as a key attribute used to define all of his subsequent actions. 

At first glance, this looks pretty damning. Alone, with people we can easily infer he’s closer to, he seemingly reveals that all the magnanimity of his previous words and actions were false and showcase to us a key element of his character to watch out for: an effortless duplicity that is utilized to hide more malicious intentions. At the time, it seems to scream to the audience: ‘don’t trust him’. However, as we learn on his journey, there is more to him that meets the eye, and this line should not be taken at face value. 

Before we take this as unwavering proof that he’s a villain and everything that follows should be looked at through the lens of presumed deceit, I think we have to consider the context and audience here. This line was in response to a stadium full of Galra warriors who dutifully and unquestioningly serve his father - someone he’s trying to stop. Swaying the minds of the Galra is a necessary step in his quest to ultimately improve their way of life but he also doesn’t think very highly of them. His regard of them is different than that he holds towards other people and cultures as we see later. I also believe he says this to benefit the generals, but I'll get to them later.

Unfortunately, we don’t get to see him spend time with the members of either of the peoples he looks after, but we do know that he deeply loved his time on the mining planet and there’s no doubt he cared for the Alteans just as much if not more as they were his own people. It’s also not hard to imagine that both groups of people appreciated him just as much. We don’t know how close he truly got to them, but it’s safe to surmise that Lotor is a person that respects others enough to treat them with equality, enjoy working beside them and genuinely wants to improve their lives. Though we later learn that he was ultimately lying to the Alteans, it’s clear that’s definitely not something he enjoys doing. 

Among the average civilian or disenfranchised person, we can infer Lotor is more than likely very cordial and respectable based on how he speaks of them and how they perceive him in return. Despite his status as a prince, he’s clearly not preoccupied with maintaining an air of authority among the common folk in any way meant to remind them of his status above them, even allowing himself to bond with people on such an equal level that Zarkon saw it as unfit for his station. 

Basically, though we know he has a turbulent relationship with the Galra as a whole, we can also see that he fights for the rights of other half-breeds such as himself and treats people in his care with respect and equality. 

ZARKON

As a child, Lotor had to present himself as the perfect prince in an attempt to earn Zarkon’s love, and it produced a facade he probably maintained most of his life despite it getting him nowhere. Of course, as a child desperately seeking their parent’s affection, this behavior - though tailored specifically to appeal to his father - wasn’t inherently disingenuous and it’s only later in life that he learns to use it as a weapon. 

Knowing that Lotor has tried to portray himself as respectable and eager to please thus far, his outburst of anger in retaliation of his father’s demands in 8x02 may have possibly been the first time he’d spoken out against him in such a way as, up to this point, Lotor still seemed to genuinely believe his father would listen to him and is surprised by his decision to destroy the planet. The mask finally slipped but, I might add, only in an attempt to help others. This speaks volumes about the kind of person he is and what his deepest motivations are as it shows he cares more about protecting the mining planet than he does for his own safety as he knowingly incurs the wrath of his violent father. Of course, upon realizing that his interjection would punish them too, he immediately tries to submit himself before Zarkon once more to keep them safe. 

Despite his efforts, Lotor unfortunately fails to protect the people and this tragic situation no doubt led him to reinforce the old facade of the obedient son who would never dare act out against his father again - a mask he uses to his advantage in 4x03. After their conversation, we see Lotor smirk suspiciously upon taking his leave, clueing to the audience that his behavior with Zarkon was entirely an act to keep his father from suspecting him of any wrongdoing. 

After Zarkon uncovers his ruse, Lotor’s submissive mask drops once more and, upon meeting again, Lotor no longer holds back from sharing every ounce of disdain he bears for his father before fighting him to the death. 

HAGGAR

Unlike his father, where he hides his emotions under a guise of respect and servility initially, Lotor shows no restraint in sharing his unbridled anger and contempt for his mother, Honerva. These feelings never waver, in fact, they only seem to intensify, punctuating a heated final confrontation where Lotor vehemently renounces her as an abomination that he will never accept as family. This distaste seems to have evolved over his life as her role to him changed. As a child, she was nothing more than his father’s witch and not someone he needed to please. Their relationship was never a good one so there’s no need to pretend otherwise.

I believe his anger towards her comes, not only from rebelling against the fact that his mother was essentially stolen from him by Haggar (which shatters his dreams of having a loving mother) but also her mistreatment of him throughout his life and even fundamentally disagreeing with and despising the kind of person she (and Zarkon) are: selfish, power-hungry and uncaring of the lives of others. He denounces them for their behavior because he knows it’s wrong and doesn’t wish to fall prey to it as well - which is a great indicator of the kind of person he is and what values he agrees with and doesn’t.

In a way, this is a true face to Lotor as well. His feelings of unfettered rage towards Honerva are not censored by any mask he’d wish to portray. There is no part to play here as there’s nothing that will keep him safe from her scrutinizing eyes on him at all times. Nothing to hide because there’s nothing to gain from it. So, instead, to keep her off his trail, he goes to great lengths to evade her detection through calculated action rather than any false pretenses. 

THE GENERALS

Though they’re the closest thing he has to friends for a time, I still don’t personally believe Lotor was close enough to his generals to reveal his true self (though he obviously reveals more to Axca as he trusts her the most). Overall, he still maintains an air of authority with them, seeking to portray himself as the calculating and confident leader clearly stationed above them though he still treats them with respect. Though it’s clear he cares for them, and they hold some degree of respect for him in return, he’s still very much their leader more than their friend. They may believe in him and his mission for a time, but they don’t follow him solely out of admiration and are willing to sell him out if it benefits them - which they do. 

They’re, for the most part, his loyal allies, but not anyone he’d confide in or show vulnerability with as demonstrated by his lack of explanation regarding his actions towards Narti and his refusal to share his full plans with them. They respect him for a lot of reasons but don’t entirely understand him or what he truly wants which is why they often seem perplexed by his decisions. With them I think he maintains, to a degree, how he would present himself to the general masses. He has to remain collected and in charge to preserve their loyalty to him and can’t sully that depiction with the perceived weakness that comes from showing vulnerability. 

Jumping off my earlier statement about the “masses are easily manipulated” line, it ties into the perpetuation of the persona he’s trying to evoke to them and which they whole heartedly support. He’s telling them what he thinks they want to hear. We also know he doesn’t tell them the full truth, so why should we believe this is somehow some deep reveal into the center of his character when we also know that he doesn’t showcase side of himself with them? It’s another piece of a persona, nothing more.

This mask was not created in an attempt to manipulate but in a desire to achieve and preserve some degree of companionship and loyalty from his generals. Lotor has no one but them and he can’t afford to lose their fealty, so he tries to keep it in the best way he knows how: by being a successful leader worthy of being followed. 

Bottom line, beyond Lotor’s genuine affection for his generals - which is very much an extension of the compassion he’s capable of - he does not show his true self with them. 

THE PALADINS

Lotor sustains his typical air of confidence upon meeting the paladins face to face in a continuous effort to portray himself as a worthy asset to them (not too dissimilar from his interactions with his generals). Though he shares vital intel with them to prove his loyalty to their shared goals for peace, he doesn’t go out of his way to ingratiate himself to them. He’s cordial and honest, as is generally his nature, but not afraid to share his opinions even if they’re opposing or adversarial. 

For example, in their first scene together Lotor has no trouble calling out Allura for voicing her discrimination towards his race and generally seems tired of waiting for the paladins to truly listen to his advice and start making real strides in the war. He's interested in action, not being liked. If he truly wanted to manipulate them, I imagine he would have been far more sycophantic to worm his way into their good graces - an act he’s familiar with due to his father whom he was trying to lie to. We know what a groveling Lotor looks like and this is not it. Of course, there's also no need to lie to them to get what he wants when they have the same goal. 

There’s frustration there between both parties at times and definite growing pains as he finds a place for himself in their group, but certainly not anger or resentment of any kind on his part. That being said, when the paladins do come to trust him and there’s no disagreements in their way, Lotor defaults to his natural state: dignified, helpful and amiable. I’m not sure how much affection Lotor truly manages to garner for the paladins by the end of their time together, but he does refer to them as ‘friends’ at one point and though that doesn’t mean they’re people he would necessarily pour his heart out to, I’d say they definitely count as favored allies that he’d support and protect just like anyone else he cares even remotely about. 

However, similar to his generals, whatever degree of fondness he may have developed for the paladins is still ultimately moderated to keep them at arm’s length though, I believe that given the proper time and trust, this could have changed.

ALLURA

With Allura, we see a new, softer side to Lotor. I could write an entire meta solely about their interactions and how they’re not manipulative, but I’ll be brief here. As I said with the paladins, there’s no real evidence to suggest Lotor was just saying and doing everything he did solely to appeal to Allura and ultimately seduce her to his side. Instead, what we see is both of them slowly and organically becoming more comfortable and trusting with each other, enough so that they begin to reveal deeper sides of themselves. Just as Allura is willing to share her insecurities with Lotor, he too divulges the innermost parts of himself that he doesn’t reveal to anyone else. 

If a mask is meant to hide the deepest parts of oneself, Lotor being so openly vulnerable, honest and trusting with Allura is enough to tell us that what he shares with her isn’t an act - he’s just finally comfortable enough to show his true face and the hidden parts of himself he hasn’t with anyone else. For a man who is all about survival and whom trust doesn’t come easy, this would be counterproductive and a potential liability he normally wouldn’t risk. So why does he risk it for her?

Relationships are built on trust and that takes time and true understanding to achieve. It takes a great deal of trust to reveal your true self to someone and Lotor simply isn’t at that level with the generals or paladins. He hasn’t really had anyone to share his true self with until Allura. He’s never met anyone else like her and their shared history and desires facilitates a swift journey from enemies to friends and even to something greater - an emergence of emotional vulnerability and affection that Lotor has never experienced before: love.

This is an aspect of his identity he’s no doubt unfamiliar with unfortunately or, perhaps, has never truly experienced before in his countless years of being whatever he had to be to survive. As we’re discovering this version of Lotor, he may also be discovering himself too. 

There’s so much I could say about their relationship and how it brings out the best in both of them, but I won’t go off on a tangent here. Needless to say, the reason Lotor feels so different in S5-6 is because interacting with Allura is finally giving us the opportunity to see new aspects of his identity that’s open and unguarded. He’s finally put down his sword and shield... which leaves him vulnerable to attack. 

QUINTESSENCE POISONING

I want to address this specifically in its own meta but, for now, I’ll say that I found this depiction of Lotor a betrayal of the character and purposefully over-exaggerated to compensate for and push a narrative the writers failed to achieve organically. Essentially, I believe they made him so villainous - so vile despite how out of character it feels - simply to validate this new agenda that he is and always was, in fact, that very villain and, if that was always their intention for the character, they did not succeed. 

Though we know that quintessence can corrupt and see that firsthand in how it turned his parents into beings acting without remorse and motivated purely by evil-intentions, even they have never been shown in such a negative and manic light, making Lotor look even more deleterious here by comparison which is an... interesting choice. 

That being said, the turbulent emotions presented here do stem from underlying trauma, namely the pain of being betrayed by the one person he trusted more than anyone. The one person he showed his true face to. The person he loved. Having his true feelings be rejected and touted as nothing but more lies and deception as someone who doesn’t share them idly would be beyond devastating. Now, having put down his shield for Allura, she’s struck at the very heart of him. The pain of it unleashes a tidal wave of emotion and, like a wounded, cornered animal, he lashes out. This creates a situation which we see a side of Lotor we haven’t before. One that, though borne of genuine emotional suffering, does not actually reflect who he truly is. 

Exacerbated by his exposure to the quintessence field and perhaps even that which already resides in his blood, Lotor reveals intentions of great evil - last minute motivations stemming from deeply rooted fears and insecurities that, unfortunately, are pulled to the surface here in the worst way possible but are not necessarily indicative of him having harbored and planned to enact these darker motives all along. Recoiling from the pain, it makes sense that his natural defense mechanism would be another mask - the ultimate mask.

If this was the true him, he would have truly fooled us all despite the extensive evidence to the contrary, as there is nothing to support his sudden dark desires here but plenty of prior evidence that refutes it despite the writer’s efforts to show otherwise. To say that all of this is the true, final reveal of who he is after all is insulting not only to the character but to fans.

ALONE

To best know who someone truly is, we have to look at who they are when they’re alone. A great example of this is when we see Lotor alone in 4x06 as he overhears a message that there is an on-going attack that will result in mass casualties. Lotor doesn’t hesitate to potentially sacrifice his hard-won freedom to head straight back into Galra territory to try and stop his mother’s heinous plans. This is yet another scenario that showcases that, at the end of the day, Lotor is a character who simply wants to help people no matter the cost to himself. 

We also see Lotor alone during his trial on Oriande where upon repeatedly being attacked by the White Lion, he understandably goes on the offensive and fights back to protect himself. After failing this test, Lotor is devastated. Rather than revealing any clues to potential villainy, this interaction instead simply shows that Lotor still has things to unlearn and is aware of that and capable of change. His anger here comes from his desperation and desires for self-preservation upon being attacked, not from a place of genuine malice. 

I think it’s also worth noting Lotor’s expressions when he’s in his cockpit throughout the show but especially during his fight with Allura right before his ‘turn’. No one else can see his face but the audience so there’s no one to appeal to. No act to put on. We can clearly see he’s upset and remorseful and it feels like a sudden reversal from his previous scene with the generals because it is - not because his pleading with Allura is an act - but because his talk with his generals was. They are understandably confused here because his recent speech to them would have them believe he didn’t truly care about Allura and was just using her the whole time. This display says otherwise.

To further emphasize this point, his words and expressions here are consistent with his attempts to appeal to Allura in 6x04. The fact that his interaction with her is the same - whether he’s alone or in public - also shows us that it’s genuine. He doesn’t hesitate to share his true feelings to her when he’s trying to defend himself, nor does he bar his words in front of the paladins and generals when he’s trying to talk her down later. They might as well be speaking in private because it wouldn’t change his reaction. He’s completely focused on her and unconcerned with his unencumbered feelings being on public display - something he’s never done before and obviously wouldn’t be comfortable with. All of this continues to prove that, when it comes to Allura, he is his authentic self and his feelings for her are indeed true. 

There may be more significant instances of seeing Lotor alone that I can’t recall, but, in summary, if Lotor was truly an evil, selfish person, we’d see hints of that most clearly in the instances where he has nothing to hide. 

CONCLUSION

So, what is Lotor’s true face then? 

As I’ve stated, Lotor is a man who has had to adopt different personas to survive, and we get to see the multi-faceted nature of his character on full display throughout the series depending on who he’s with and in what context. Regardless of some blunders in writing, overall, I think the show did a decent job portraying the different sides of him that would have logically emerged given his unique life and circumstances. 

Of course, seeing the ease and skill in which Lotor can slip on these masks would naturally leave audiences to continually question him and his true intentions. As the show reveals more and more of his true self however, the answer becomes increasingly clear that, despite the resulting duplicity of his nature, there is no evidence to support that he's anyone other than someone who wanted to do exactly what he said he did and whose goals are ultimately to help and protect others - a desire which was shown through his words and actions on multiple occasions. For all his faults, Lotor does have genuinely heroic traits despite being raised in an environment that didn’t cultivate them. A flower struggling to bloom in spite of the aridity of the soil in which he was born.

Despite the intended desire to hide his true self for his own protection, these fabricated facades do inadvertently reflect shades of his inner self too - a kernel of truth buried in each even as he has to transform to become what he thinks he needs to be to survive. By default, he tends to hide his true emotions underneath a facade of control and confidence - most notably seen in his interaction with the generals, the paladins initially and the masses (mostly Galrans). This portrayal of the proud and cunning man however is just a front to hide someone underneath who is more concerned with knowledge than power and protection rather than violence and it’s his bond with Allura that reveals the truest face of all: someone who is genuinely capable of kindness, vulnerability and even love. Given the right time and treatment, the inherent goodness in him could have been allowed to flourish and win and his true face could have been the last one we saw him with...

[kafkasmjjw]

hi !! Im new to the sfh fandom and I’ve read one or two of your works and you characterise mjjw so well !!! (and ur writing style is so amazing like damn??) but I think half because of my subtitles being crap half because of how complex these characters are I’m kinda struggling to characterise them well in a way that feels canon compliant while attempting to write fics if u gm? Do you have any tips for writing moonjo, jongwoo, or mjjw? Like how they think or speak or just general things like habits etc. /nfnf but itd be really appreciated <3

hello<3 so sorry for the late response im barely on here. first of, thank you sm and welcome to the fandom<3

i actually watched the show quite a few times before i started writing for them (understatement.. ive seen the show an embarrassing amount of times lol). i think the biggest difference between moonjo and jongwoo is that moonjo is relatively quiet and has calm mannerisms (slow smiles, picking his tongue, gazing lovingly, listening without talking) while jongwoo is a much more agitated guy (pursed lips, glancing away, fidgets, shifts his weight, huffs, parts his lips like he wants to sigh but catches himself last second) and that has a lot to do with moonjo being more integrated into his surroundings and more respected by the people he mingles with while jongwoo is mostly looked down at and patronised which makes him more on edge and spiteful. in terms of speaking, moonjo is just generally much more refined; could be due to his profession or his upbringing. while jongwoo is angry asf which makes him more vulgar and wayyy less restrained. moonjo's more put together, he thinks before he speaks while jongwoo is messier(?), so maybe he hesitates maybe his anger and frustration bleed into his sentences and make him stammer a bit. also like, it depends on whether youre writing canon fics or post canon because maybe (just an opinion) jongwoo would be more unfiltered post canon and says everything thats on his mind while canon jongwoo stays quiet and thinkw it/fantasises about saying it. thats all just my perception of them btw. i just like the idea of jongwoo being better at writing than speaking.

for them together, i think some back and forth is in character? moonjo's patience — because he never struck me as someone who forces jongwoo's hand or pressures him into anything — and jongwoo's inner turmoil that makes him fierce and mean. because canonically, jongwoo did tend to victimise himself a lot; it only makes sense that he'd blame his own feelings on everyone but himself. so yk if youre writing a lot of monologue and introspection you can have jongwoo's unreliability sneak in and have him blame his feelings and circumstances on other people while moonjo either supports him or smugly counters him. i think both options are viable hes a menace.

i dont know if any of this makes sense its 3am and idk how to put my thoughts into words😭😭 but good luck with writing and as long as you have fun and are content with what you write it doesnt really matter:))

[lesbianandstressing]

Stupido | A Station 19 fanfiction

A/N: A quick follow up to this fic. Requested by the travic ceo @travichughes! Be sure to check her blog out.

Warnings: All the Italian is from google translate so don’t come for me! Happy reading!

-

To say Carina is angry is an understatement.

When she first met her wife’s team, she could immediately tell that Travis Montgomery and Victoria Hughes were inseparable.

So, she never expected him to leave her out to dry.

Vic instantly became one of her favorite people. The youngest firefighter is a ball of sunshine, and her personality and humor sometimes reminds Carina of her stupid baby brother, who left her too soon. Seeing Vic so broken, so hurt…nearly shattered the Italian into two.

And, typically, her sadness grows into anger. This circumstance is no exception.

Maya contacted Chief Ross, letting her know that Vic and her would be taking the day off. The chief held a lot of sympathy for Vic, knowing how strongly the firefighter held her emotions. She also complimented Maya on how good of a friend she is, which surprised Maya.

However, Carina decided to go in, as it is a clinic day and she has patients. She held in her anger for Travis until he approached her.

“Hey Carina. Do you know where Vic is? I haven’t seen her since yesterday morning. I tried calling her but she hasn’t answered.���

Carina feels a bubble of anger, and doesn’t respond, but drags Travis into his bunk and shuts the door.

“Do you have any idea how much of a thick headed stronzo you are?! Mio dio, ti preoccupi solo adesso?!”

Travis is incredibly confused. First, he only understands half of what Carina just said to him, second, the last time he saw her this angry was last year when Jack ordered pineapple on pizza.

“What are you…” He begins, but is cut off by the raging doctor. “No, no, no, you do not speak. Only listen. You have been so caught up in this stupid mayor race and your new idiota boyfriend that you have completely left vic behind! How could you?” Carina rants.

“Carina I-.” Once again, Travis is cut off. “It is not my place to tell you what happened, but Victoria was on a tough call yesterday, she was so distraught that Maya and I found her sobbing in her bunk. Victoria Hughes, the most bright, beautiful ball of sunshine looked completely broken. Maya and I took her to our home, and she is still there with Maya.”

Travis sighs. “I know I’ve been shitty, and I’m sorry. I really am. But Carina, she’s everything to me. I can’t lose her.”

“You won’t, Travis. But, you’ve been a bad friend. You need to make it up to her, and promise you won’t leave her behind. I don’t doubt that she’ll forgive you for this, but still. Be her person, like you always have been.” Carina explains. Travis nods, thanking Carina before they both go back to work.

He has some serious apologies to make.

-

Vic snuggles closer to Maya, enjoying her warmth. Maya has always been so comfortable to cuddle with, and gives the best hugs. Despite how upset she was yesterday, Maya has been making her feel so much better.

“God, these reality tv shows are so lame.” Maya complains. “Yeah, but they make me feel better about my own life.” Vic laughs. Seeing how much of a mess these people are makes her feel like she’s doing pretty okay.

On the screen, a woman slaps her now ex-boyfriend, and Maya whoops. “DESERVED!” She yells. Vic giggles, shaking her head.

“Hey…you know I got you? Always, ok? I’ll always be here.” Maya reassures Vic. Vic nods. “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

-

Later on in the day, Vic hears a knock at the door to Maya and Carina’s apartment. “I’ll get it.” She murmurs to the two, and opens the door to see a guilty looking Travis.

“Hey…I know I’ve been really shitty lately, but can we talk?” He requests. Vic hesitantly nods. Maya and Carina quietly move to their room, giving the duo some space.

Travis takes Vic’s hand as they sit down. “I’m so sorry, Vic. I’ve been such an oblivious idiot that I forgot what’s most important to me. And that’s you.”

Vic feels tears pool in her eyes. “And I’m sorry that Theo has been being such a douche to you lately. It’s not fair, the way he is treating you.” Travis continues.

“Carina mentioned you had a rough call yesterday, and I just wanted to say I’m here. If you need to talk, cry, anything. I’m here.” He promises.

“Thank you, Trav. But you still have a lot of making up to do.” She tells him. Travis hugs her. “I know. Don’t you ever forget that you are my number one, ok? You’ll always be my number one.”

The duo continue to hug for a moment, before Vic pulls back. “I don’t know what to do about Theo. He’s been so busy being captain and has his head so far up his ass he might see god himself.”

Travis chuckles at the end of that sentence. “Look, Theo doesn’t deserve you. If he finds that his job is more important than you? Then let him, and leave him. He will eventually realize what he lost.”

“Thanks, Travis. I needed to hear that.” Vic murmurs. “And take it from someone who is man and attracted to them. They fucking suck sometimes.”

Vic laughs loudly at that. “Trust me, I know. If I could choose I would totally be attracted to women.”

They laugh for another moment before Travis sobers. “How can I start making it up to you?”

Vic grins, throwing her feet on Travis’ lap. “Foot rub!”

Travis rolls his eyes. “Fine. But only because I love you.”

“I love you too, dumbass.”

-

A/N: Thanks for reading! Comments are appreciated! Please send any fic requests to my ask box :)

[zannolin]

loving the stranger things posting as someone going through a sudden random stranger things phase lol. i have a question: what makes byler an interesting dynamic for you? i'm not a big shipper person personally but i like to hear people's thoughts!

it's so funny i got here because i was suffering from cares too much disease about the karate kid and i needed something to distract me and then um. it did more than distract.

sidenote: coming back to say this got??? so long. so i'm sorry lol. i'm a chronic rambler.

i'll be honest i never actually shipped byler seriously until literally 2 months ago today. i sort of went "haha what if...?" back in 2022 mostly because my friend was into it and i really love mike as a character. oh mike wheeler the character that you are...i've loved him since 2016 lol and i loved him and will as a dynamic since i saw s2. i was so sold on their friendship, and then s3 and s4 were brutal for me to watch as someone who has grown apart from a lot of friends because of similar circumstances (moving, mostly, but also some relationships, and the inherent tragedy of growing up, and the fact that having a shitty family and being 15 can do a lot of damage to your relationships if you're not careful, etc) so like basically i then got More into them because i am obsessed with friendship estrangement plots. and i like both their characters. ("like" is such an understatement even in 2022 i was unhinged about michael wheeler)

frankly they're interesting to me as a ship for all the same reasons as they're interesting to me as a friendship: devotion, knowing someone better than you know yourself, the fear of loss, the fear of change, how easy vs how hard it is to grow up with someone, estrangement, feeling like you're a bad person and self-sabotaging, etc. the funny thing is i didn't even think will was gay or that there WAS (one-sided, anyway) byler until the literal van scene in s4 because i have that little faith in netflix lol, not to mention i used to be a mileven shipper. and then s3 happened which killed my interest in that and then s4 beat the dead horse from here to california. i realized for one thing mike being queer is really interesting to me and opens a lot of room for fun angles on his canonical character with comphet and internalized homophobia, etc, and it works very well with established canon. to me.

i'm honestlyyyy kind of surprised i got into it at all because besides the fact that i'm not a big shipper anymore, i'm RARELY a childhood friends to lovers fan because 1) it's often boring to me, i'm like but why do we need something Other than friendship?? (aro alert) and 2) i personally do not enjoy romance where it's like. you end up with the person you dated in high school? like it's jsut a me thing but i go aaaaaa when it's idk 12 year olds being like "i'm in love" no you're not you're twelve. i literally have DMs of me to my sister watching s4 where i was like michael why are you saying you loved eleven the day you met her, you were twelve and spent the entire season fucking obsessed with finding your best friend and kept dropping her the second she wasn't useful for that, like i love you but you were— what. (regardless of whether or not that bullshit turns out to be, you know, Actually canonically bullshit. that was my reaction lol). um i'm rambling sorry. anyway. they just happened to hit really good beats for me where it could go either way for me (platonic or romantic) and i wouldn't mind and i'm happy with both. but apparently my brain is like What If Romance when it comes to fic for them and i'm being a bit self-indulgent. i want will byers to have nice things and i want mike to not be stuck in the world's worst written relationship ever (to me).

actually the tl;dr is basically everything i like about mike as a character has to do with his plots concerning will, and everything i don't like about what they've been doing with him lately has to do with his relationship with el, so via potentially unintentional gay symbolism, the power of friendship estrangement plots + my love of friendship breakup/makeup scenarios, and my fascination with writing queer loneliness and mutual pining, AND that "good luck, babe" edit, i ended up here.

also finn wolfhard keeps making the most ridiculously intensely tender expressions during byler scenes and i'm a simple creature i see a man with big wet brown eyes and i go oh well mayyybe....